Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 669 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

Improviser Nicole Passmore returns to talk influencers, tires, and root canals.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 669 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who also can't say 669 without laughing a little bit, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, because it's like the sex. It's six people doing the sex. Or is it three people doing them and two of them are upside down each other the third one is right side upping the first one i forgot there's so much technical

jargon yeah it's a major sex this episode is a major sex one yeah i will never have an episode six side saddle or cowgirl or whatever okay uh i are. Okay. I don't know all those. Do you remember like, I don't know if this was just a product of the culture at large in the early 2000s or the fact that I

like was becoming an adult at that time but I remember there being so many like you know, funny names for sex moves i remember that i don't know if it was thanks to maxim magazine or the american pie movies i think it started with american gladiators and then kind of grew out stupid from there gladiators yeah um and then i uh but i i i feel like of all those crazy ones um like 69 was the most like uh like i i don't know mainstream yeah that's true it was the

uh it was the friends of sex positions but But then it also is like, well, at the time you're like, are people really doing these other ones? No, no one's doing any of them. No one's even doing 69. Dave, I hate to bust it to you,

but people are doing 69s all over the place. You think people are doing 69s as they're listening? Yes. It's hard not to do one. Yeah, I know. Our guest today, a favorite returning guest to the podcast.'s nicole passmore everybody hi everybody i didn't want to say anything during that fun um

sex talk but now you can jump right in yeah let's know your thought what did you what did you want to say um for sure people are 69ing yeah you should know what cowgirl is yeah but i was trying to think of it's reverse cowgirls the one i was reverse cowgirl anyway it does it's not that i don't know like wait i should know or graham should know you should know dave well i i look i just it's not that kind of show we uh it's a show where we exclusively talk about it's special today it's six six nine yeah it's six nine it's worth getting into we're taking your uh phone calls about uh any sex questions you may have we should do that yeah it should be the sex call-in show for people who are afraid to we're afraid to talk about it yeah we're afraid as you

are genuinely i would love to know the sex lives of your listeners i would too i feel like they'd be nice maybe it would be nice like a bit nicer a bit weirder but a bit nicer yeah what would be weird about them oh uh really digging your own nothing your fan base is totally normal i don't know i don't know what i'm saying i haven't spoken to people in too long yeah it's nice it's nice to just chat and really get you know all our sex positions on the table that's what i like to start the podcast not this table it's it's pretty wobbly yeah that's the only thing stopping us from 69 table dave well also like if i turn my computer upside down i think that it like it'll like the screen will just correct itself

yeah it's harder to get a picture upside down. I guess you just crop it. You can't make two iPhones 69 because they... Anyway, it's a whole thing. Trust me. Trust me. Do we want to get to Noah? Yes.

Get to Noah. Nicole, it's been a little bit of time since you've been on the podcast and it's nice to have you back and how are how are things you're you're in the lovely province of british columbia i am um i don't live here i live in toronto but i uh i'm back here. Send me your hate mail. I flew. I'm being flippant, but I flew after isolating for nearly two weeks and then taking a test. That was the only thing I broke isolation for. And then wearing way too many masks.

How many masks? I had to wear one of those. Really? Okay. Go. Yeah. No, sorry.

I wore multiple masks because I was like, maybe this helps. Yeah. i think that's the thing i've been to a couple doctor's offices and they make you wear like a surgical mask the surgical mask yeah over top of another mask no they just they don't the cloth one doesn't cut it for them the cloth ones aren't good enough so i i yeah the cloth ones are like still a bit risky so i you know it's not like wearing two condoms where it is a problem yeah you actually aren't supposed to wear two condoms because it's less safe see this is the sex questions that we could be fielding right now should i wear two or more yeah and you uh vaseline also breaks them down yeah that's right basic level no you want to get an undercoat vaseline then one condom then another rise think of it as a

i'm not paying i'm not paying for the undercoating that's where they go no undercoat any part of your body with vaseline please well what about chaplets i guess yeah are you undercoating them yeah you're right i'm just yeah well no yeah i do a coat of of chap lips of vaseline on my lips then i put on wax lips and then i do another coat of vaseline somewhere some influencer is gonna steal that and be like yeah put on your balm and then your wax lips and it'll stay you know like when they they tell you to like put moisturizer on your feet and then put socks on for the night i've done that yeah i've done that too i've done well i've done hands and gloves

while sleeping yeah you like that character from of mice and men that has one glove that he keeps soft we've talked about it yeah That's when we talked about it. That's right. Because my. Wow. I get. My hands feel so much better if I moisturize at night. And then someone sent me gloves.

Like special moisturizer gloves? Yeah. Just. Because you can do them with like those 99 cent magic gloves. Yeah. Well, these were free. They were sent to me. So what are 99 cent magic gloves yeah well these were free they were sent to me yeah so what are 99 cent magic gloves like from a bit of a brag like what a magician wears um well i don't know i guess magicians would wear them when they're cold

do you know that's true yeah there are people like magic gloves because they fit everybody's hand oh i see nicole do you do you ever watch an influencer do you have somebody that you're watching on a regular basis or no no no no because there's a lot of oh no no there's a lot of uh non just dumb stuff there's like instructional stuff i was looking at an instructional one today but i did fall is that an influencer though if they're if you're learning something i don't know this if you're having like a million views of something does that make you an influencer i mean all i want to learn about is the japanese suicide forest so that's why i follow the

influencer logan paul or whatever one of the falls i do okay you know when you go on instagram and you have a for you page or whatever, where they, they like suggest things. Yeah. Where you're about to search. Yeah. I don't, I really don't like anything on Instagram. I barely post.

I don't really use it, but I do like to go and search. And I'm pretty sure that my Instagram algorithm thinks that I am a teenage girl. Nice. Which is not far off. You just flashed the peace sign. Yeah. Why am I flashing the peace sign just to you two? No one else can see this.

It doesn't matter. It's a good instinct. It's good. Yeah, yeah. I'm not young. I'm not anywhere near a teenage girl, but I really do think they think I am. So I do see a lot of those like videos pop up.

Right. What videos? Well, there's all these like young, usually white, hot, very rich, usually women, but not always, who are like, they don't do anything. They're just like, yeah, they dance or lip sync or something like that. Yeah, yeah. And I don't find them funny. And I don't find them interesting. But they pop up.

And it's 10 seconds. So you don't really even scroll away. It's like some TikTok video for 5, 10, 15 seconds. That's the new wave. We've slowly, over time, eroded the amount of time that people have the attention for, right? And I feel like it was eroding pretty quickly when I was a kid because you just wanted to watch music videos. That was a good size of time. Now, I feel like, what was the one before TikTok that Vine? Vine. What was it? 10 seconds? Six seconds.

Six seconds. that vine what was it 10 seconds six seconds six seconds when i when i was in high school we went in a field trip to a museum and i remember one of the docents saying the average teenager only has an attention span of six seconds and getting really angry with us wow did he make vine yeah that that female docent who was very angry he made vine you got me wow gram you're right everybody can be a docent uh that's my new stance on it uh i'm gonna throw up my t-shirt that says male docents only there are there are only two genders and it's either docent or vine creator. Guys, I got Invisalign braces. Oh, yeah?

Would that set you back? Do you want to know? I don't know. That's your first question, Dave? I don't know. I'll tell. I don't care. How long have you been wearing them?

I've been wearing them since November. Okay. And I will have them for at least until the end of this year, which is horrifying. They pop in and out. Not long at all though, compared to what people used to. I had braces for years.

Yeah. Compared to classic braces, I'm very lucky and like they're clear. So whatever. Although when you take them out, there's these little, like they're clear so whatever um although when you take them out there's these little like they call them buttons they put like weird little plastic on your teeth so it kind of looks like you have bone spurs that's that what the song by the pussycat dolls is about yeah it's about this is about someone taking my invisible embraces off at the end and then we 69 because i'm so grateful yes um but i just put

a new tray in as they call them and every time i put a new tray in i feel like i can't speak like i have a mild is this this your speech with the tray in yeah good you won't notice anything but i'm going to spend the rest of this time being like oh what's that how many trays do you need to put in how often are you putting new trays in? Every two weeks. Every two weeks. And what does each tray set you back? You know what?

There are payment plans, Dave. You can either pay up front or you can pay in a payment plan. Well, I have kids and I worry that they'll need braces one day. And I don't have any dental plans. No. Well, neither, obviously neither do I like I'm a professional improviser.

You're in the improvisers union. Yeah. They're actually, there is a standup union. Now I could join, but yeah, why not get a, get on their hilarious plan.

It's called the hilarious plan. I, well, I'm, I'm a union actor as well it could be on that plan but it all just seems like worthless like you're paying more unless and i have a like unless you're doing something huge like getting a crown uh then it's like yeah it's better to have a shirt yeah i mean i think where we left off with Graham last week, he was awaiting a root canal.

But I'm sure we'll save that for later in the show. Oh, yes, yes, absolutely. Coming attraction. Everybody stay on the line. Stay on the line with your horny problem. My mom just got one. Horny problem? Yeah, wow.

Remember when I said I don't know how to talk to people anymore? I'm sure everyone on your podcast has said this because it's not an original thought, but like, I don't talk to people enough anymore to know what a normal conversation is. This is normal. You don't, you're not coming off as some, like, down in the dark hermit or anything like that. Yeah, you're not like... Down in the dark? Yeah, you know, like some guys living in a bunker or something like that. You're not Nell. You don't have a made-up language.

That's right. True. Was the plot of Nell that she always was like that, or that she was tossed into the woods at some point and then grew up there? I think she was always like that. I think she was... Her mother... Boy.

I watched Nell on Fast Forward once. think she was always like i think she was her mother boy i watched nell beyond fast forward once um what uh it was you were late returning well i'll just watch this a triple time i feel like she was uh like raised in the forest by her mother and her mother died so she was she raised herself in the forest and came up with this language and then liam neeson found her and like was her lawyer well the first thing they wanted to like you know scientists wanted to study her yeah that's true. Yeah. And he was like, I just let her be. Emotion to let her be.

Yeah. My high school best friends were twins and they developed their own Nell language. Really? Because they were obsessed with the movie. Were these, these were identical twins? I don't remember. Yeah. Were they?

Well, they looked a lot alike, but I don't remember if they were identical. Yeah. I don't understand twins. I don't know if I knew any non-identical twins. Fraternal twins? I knew a couple fraternal. Isn't Aaron Reed? He's a fraternal.

Well, yeah. If you're brother and sister, you are. Yeah. By death. Oh, maybe there's not same's a fraternal. Well, yeah, if you're brother and sister, you are. Yeah. By death. Oh, maybe there's not same-sex fraternal. Right. Yeah, there must be. You can't be identical.

You think? I mean, look, if they're both docents or if they're both inventors of vine. That's all it boils down to was it like because in my high school there was a fraternal set of twins and the sister was uh very popular quite good looking and the boy looked like he was part of a pig experiment no oh god if they listen do they know who you're talking like are they like oh yeah i was the i was the boy i guess yeah i was so mean they probably would they'd figure it out pretty soon yeah they'd be like uh i'm getting liam neeson was my lawyer to defend being put into scientific observation. As an experiment victim.

I do love that in that situation, Liam Neeson took a child as opposed to having. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Well, I don't want to spoil the end of Taken, but he takes a child back. Oh, does he? Right. They should call it Return. Yeah.

I feel like that's a joke only Dave could appreciate. And even Dave shouldn't. There's definitely people who are going to tweet at you, I appreciated it too, Nicole. Oh, no, no. No, no, don't worry about it. No, no, no. Don't tweet me.

No, they won't. Have you, either of you, seen any of the taken films I definitely saw the first and maybe the second okay yeah I've for sure seen one at least I think I've seen all three and the first one is his daughter and the next one is his ex-wife and then I can't remember who the person, oh he gets taken

in the third one his daughter has to bail him out Untake my wife that was the theme for the second song Liam Neeson doing an American accent, they should never let him do it because

he can't maintain it for a whole movie it's he's always got like a lilt to it yeah but you know what i can i'm an american you know what i can maintain for a whole movie a 69 especially a liam neeson movie um so uh we've covered we've covered uh youtube tutorials we covered taken but we haven't completely did you guys like taken i've had the first one was so i don't really i don't remember it ruled the first one did rule yeah it ruled it absolutely ruled it was like it was an unexpected you know come from behind uh behind hit of the summer. It was a banger. Come from behind.

Yeah. Of the summer. Yeah, it was like, everybody remembers the summer that Taken came out. Because that was a really pivotal summer for a lot of people. Yeah, yeah. Summer of 2003? I'm going to say 2008. 2008?

It was pre-iPhone, because everybody's got flip phones in the movie. Oh, boy. Should we look it up? Yep. We should. Yeah. The guy... 2008.

2008? Really? Whoa. Dave. Dave did it. Yeah. Yeah, I did it. Good for Dave.

Dave did it. Yeah. Yeah, I did it. Good for Dave. I celebrate the simplest, stupidest things now. Yeah. Well, what's left? What big achievement is anybody pulling off?

No, right? Nothing. I mean, that's not true. Lots of people are, but. Like who? Name me 17 people that are. 17 people who are thriving and achieving. Yeah, who are thriving. I probably could, but I don't know if I know all of them personally.

Right. You don't have to know them personally. You just need to know what, you know, big things they've achieved during quarantine. I guess the television show, The Conners, that seems like something that still. I'm surprised it still exists. And I only knew it did because I saw one of those like bus stop ads with them all in masks. Yeah. So I knew it had to be current.

No, that was actually based on the first season. They brought it back where someone had a really big fart. The fact that they continued on that show after Roseanne left is the great. That's the craziest I've never heard something as crazy in the television business as like the star and the name of the show leaving and the show like, we're not done

yet. Let's keep going for several seasons and we'll just pretend this is normal. Well, you remember Valerie. No. No, how did Valerie? Valerie was Valerie uh and then she left the show and it just became valerie's family and then she was like you can't keep calling it that and so they called it the hogan family that's where the hogan family came from. Yeah. Jason Bateman's big breakout?

No, Jason Statham. Jason Statham's big. Yeah. Oy. He's a die-hard. Oy, mom. Me need to do's me homework. Me need to do's me homework?

It's a caveman. Where is Jason Statham from in your mind, Dave? He's from Lancastershire. in your mind Dave he's from Lancaster Lancaster Oi mum me needs to do me's homework don'ts me's

you make him sound like shme from hook like what I don't know what Valerie is I don't know that TV show no it's before your time you're still a you're a cool teen that's why you keep getting advertised these things instagram thinks i'm a cool teen and that's why i need braces so how long do these braces like what's the span of time you

you think you have to wear them it'll it's so the the dentist or doctor or whatever you want to call them said 12 to 15 months. Okay. So that's not bad. That's not the end of the world. Especially in quarantine? Well, I wish I had started them sooner. I wish I had started, like, March. Oh, don't worry.

We're not out of the woods even remotely. We're going to have some time. Thank you. Thanks, Graham. That's really comforting. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really good for for me and

my mental health do you have to take them out when you eat or you can leave them when you eat no no you take them out because they're like a plastic so if you ate it would just all get in there yeah it's like have you ever had a mouth guard if you grind your teeth or or uh or play sports or whatever i actually i have both because i grind my teeth competitively he had to he missed out on this year's olympics i used to just have the mouth guard on the bottom the like night guard but i kept getting concussions from grinding so hard so i had to put in the top one, too. Cool.

Well, you could competitively have Invisalign. So, how many, you get a tray every two weeks? Mm-hmm. And you can't eat, so you, how many hours a day is it in? 20? I'm assuming you can take it out, or do you keep it in all the time, except when you're eating? Pretty much, yeah. Okay. Like 20 to 22 hours.

It's so much better than braces. It sounds like it's a short term. It's not sore. When you put each set of new trays in, it feels a bit weird because it's shifting. I bet it's sore, but you never have to't, you never have to get like headgear. Yeah. And you never have to have an orthodontist like tune them up. No.

Like they have to be tightened again. You have to go in for a whole visit to have that happen. Although I think, I think I would look good with headgear. I think I would be one of the few people on the planet. Yeah, I do like it too. I used to get, so you would go every month or maybe two months to get your elastics changed. Yeah. Yeah.

And tightened and whatever. And, you know, shout out to Dr. Sprawl. He used to play tennis with my dad. Do you think they talked about you the whole time? Absolutely. Dave's teeth. They'd be like, oh, it's Halloween dave's gonna get some uh orange and black uh elastics i'm telling you now because he'll be too shy to tell you on the day yeah no that's cute that's surprisingly cute yeah

but like have these put orthodontists are they out of business no because i think you can get i think some people need real braces still like conventional braces um and then i think also sometimes it could be shorter if you want the classic ones oh yeah okay and cheaper which is something dave cares about d Dave's loving talking about money tonight. Yeah. Just in terms of these price trays. Only thing on Dave's mind are numbers. 69 and the cost of my Invisalign.

Yeah. He's the guy from The Beautiful Mind. Can you 69 with them in? Well, you know what? You just outed me that I haven't slept with somebody in months because I would answer that honestly if I could. But yes, I think conceivably you could. I would take them out.

But I mean, I would too. But what you forget is that there's like sharp little pieces of plastic on my teeth now. Oh, they're cemented in there? Yeah, they're like glued on there. They're on the outside. We're getting, this is not this kind of podcast, but. What, tooth? Yeah, it's totally.

Tooth? Yeah. I'm talking about whether it would be safe to 69 with this visalign. You didn't ask the dentist? No, I didn't ask the dentist, Graham. I did not. I think the second question, I'd be like, how much does this cost? How much and can I 69 with Invisalign?

I couldn't before oh god well if i ever figured out i'll tell you guys one time i was watching this thing on um people who get like modifications to their body oh yeah bod mods but like extreme ones like um like little horns no like like electronic ones whoa like cyborg oh really um like cyborg people and there was one interview with this guy who had gotten um he had gotten like a camera inserted into his eye and there was like a wire all the way down to his arm so if he pressed his wrist he could take a picture of what he was seeing which is scary and cool whatever did he never hear of a phone this was years this was well over a decade ago okay before taken came out um yeah this is pre-taken probably uh but also the idea was like to capture

a picture fully as your eye sees it so it would be more like true to memory um and they were interviewing him and they were like oh have you ever had a chance to uh use this in any intimate positions and situations. And he went, oh, whenever I get the chance, I'll let you know. Should a lady ever let me? In a video, Kata out himself as a virgin. I think the cyborg thing outed him before he ever had to. Yeah, that's true. You know? That's true. Do you remember years ago dave probably remembers with like the people who'd inject

saline solution into their forehead at these like we make a little donut yeah a donut yeah like do we get saline put in their forehead so there was a circle and then they would poke a hole in the middle of it it looked like they had a donut grafted to their head why i don't know yeah because they could did the saline stay forever no no your body like reabsorbed it but body loves that stuff yeah okay salty water forever slurped back the saline but you got a donut forehead for a day or two I don't know why it was a thing but I think it was just it was like one of those body mod things do you know what would be cool

it would be the best cyborg thing would be to have Frankenstein bolts on your neck that actually had electricity in them and you could like start up people's cars that would be yeah that would be the best that would be the best one i think i like that you thought about other people yeah well you know like if you're going to be accepted

by the broader society you gotta say the society's gonna say what's in it for us and i think yeah i would want something like a mild EMP that just like shuts down anything electrical. Yeah, I think what I would want is, I just want like a microchip between my shoulder blades if I ever get off leash and Abby can't find me. I bet you that's the most attainable. Yeah. I think they have that that like a tracking chip for a human i'm i'm certain yeah i mean there was i think there was like a 2020 where they're like this technology exists are you gonna be the only one in your neighborhood who doesn't chip your kid and uh remember when google glasses came out and everyone was like oh you're gonna get them

everyone's gonna get them you're gonna be an idiot everyone was like, oh, you're going to get them. Everyone's going to get them. You're going to be an idiot if you don't have them. You're going to fall behind because this is the wave of the future, you stupid idiot who doesn't like technology. And I was like, I don't, I will never use something like that. And the whole lame little loser. yeah i i i used to work at cbc and we had this like uh social media expert come on to tell us like these are the best times to post things and here's what should go into a tweet and uh we found out later that that guy was just friends with my boss and also he went to my boss's wedding and wore google glasses to the wedding

just like i can picture them getting distracted up on the altar like uh yeah i do but what is he why is he wearing those is he recording this um i like having a camera in my eye it it i think that's something that like i've always imagined like whoa that'd be cool if it was possible and then also like connected to that it's like also recording my dreams yeah recording your dreams would be would they be good or like they make sense to you when you're asleep but then what if it's a horror show when you watch them back that you've got like an old hypothetical question of if you could i say old hypothetical as though everyone would know about this but it's probably just like weird friends of mine who thought about it but if

you could have your dreams recorded and watch them but the only stipulation was all of your friends and family had to be there watching with you too would you watch them god But the only stipulation was all of your friends and family had to be there watching with you too. Would you watch them? God damn it. No way, man. I wouldn't even take a phone call in front of people.

Well, do it. Can I choose which dreams? No. Oh, so it's like everyone gathers the next morning to watch my dream yeah what like without being like naming anybody or whatever can you remember your like dream that you have had in your life that you're like that was the dream that i will remember for the rest of my life i remember a lot

of my dreams yeah yeah well i think i remember a lot but i remember quite a few of them like i don't sleep well so i wake up a lot during the night and when i wake up i'll be like oh i just dreamt about x y z but do i remember i once had a sex dream about turtle from entourage and i found it very jarring wow because i was like i'm not attracted to this person yeah you're a johnny drama yeah yeah i'm a lloyd guy oh that's nice um do you have one in mind graham yeah i remember it was from when i was a kid and my dream was that i was at a safeway and my dad was supposed to pick me up and he didn't but Tony Danza did. The turtle was there.

But yeah, I remember waking up from that and being like, whoa, what is that about? Yeah, mine that I remember from childhood is being, I had a dream I was skiing and I, uh, like went off a big jump and landed in a huge pile of snow and hurt myself and woke up and my nose was bleeding in real life. Really?

Yeah. Wow. You got Freddy Krueger. I did. I had a, like a, a string of bloody noses in my sleep at like age 11. And I had this pillow that was just completely soaked in blood.

Like, it was just like, you know, you, you wash a pillowcase, but then you, you end up with this bloody pillow. But like kids bed and associate,

they gotta be thrown out. Cause they just, they've been through a lot. Kids bed and associate. Um, I just realized that we did like the cardinal sin of being uh entitled and boring and talked about our dreams oh is that no we do it all the time i i have the world's most boring dreams yeah graham tell her my boring dreams uh one is where he was trying to fix a garage door, and the other was that his travel agent was retiring.

Yeah. Current travel agent? Yeah, Lily. I have more boring dreams. Do you want to hear more of my boring dreams? Yes, please. Yeah, okay. Okay.

Let's see. I'll just give you one right now uh uh i okay i had a dream that i was test driving an suv and like they let me bring it home and show my friends uh and i was like super stoked on this suv i was like this is great and was like, why do you like that car? And it had eight wheels. Oh, see, that's got a surprising twist on it. Yeah, that's still fun.

And it was like, I didn't realize this until after I was showing my friends. I was like, what's wrong with this car? Well, they were like, first of all, it's got two extra wheels at the back, like dualies. And then it's just got an extra two right in the middle you don't know what they do so that's why but you know that's probably what happened to elon musk when he designed his truck he probably had a crazy dream and was like i've got to make it all octagons like it has to be all sorts of weird shapes. Probably did. Yeah.

Right? He seems like a guy who writes down his dreams, right? Or he probably has that dream recorder. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's probably invented a dream recorder. But there is such a thing. Really? Did you know that?

They've, like, developed a machine that can record dreams. But what they're doing is, like, recording recording your neural processes and they see basic images. Really? Mm-hmm. Apparently, according to the internet. This shit's blowing my mind. That's why Grimes stays with them. Didn't she go to your high school?

Did she? She went to... Where did you go? PW? I went to Kits. No, she didn't go to yours. I think she went to... Did she go to your high school? Did she? She went to, where did you go? PW? I went to Kitts. No, she didn't go to yours. I think she went to. Did she go to Bing?

Maybe Bing. One of those. Where did you go? Me? Yeah. No one knows where I went to high school because it's like nestled in North Van. And it's, I went to a place called Windsor. I've never heard of it.

Any listeners, if you also went to Windsor Secondary School, hit me up. Actually, do not do that. Please do not do that. Too late. I'm going to hit you up. Because of anything we could bond over, that's not it. So don't. Did any famous people graduate from there?

Any Grimeses? I don't think so. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I haven't looked. I don't think my high Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. How it looked. I don't think my high school had anybody famous that graduated from it. You had a soccer player, didn't you? Oh, yeah, we did.

Yeah, we had a soccer player who left high school in the middle of grade 11 and is now a multi-multi-millionaire. Hmm. Yeah. So, he made the right decisions for himself. Yeah. And the rest of us all stayed in school like a bunch of saps. You think everyone would be millionaires if y'all left high school in grade 11? Yeah, if we were brave enough to leave and follow our dreams.

Exactly. My dream of being on Street Sense. Was that really a dream of yours? Not really, but kind of. But it was in the zeitgeist. Yeah. As a host or just as someone saying, just as one of those kids doing a segment being like,

I feel like a package of Twizzlers is the same price now, but it weighs less than it used to. They did come to my high school and film, and I do think I was in a segment. I know I got interviewed. Anyone not from Canada in the 1990s, Street Sense was a consumer affairs show for kids. Yeah. I only remember one episode, and it was a bunch of teens that had really bad acne that were all trying acne treatments. And I was like, it's not

going to happen fast enough for this TV show. Doesn't have to be like cumulative. I don't know. Yeah, and they were doing pig experiments on this twin boy. Yeah. Pig twin was there. Oh.

Did you ever you never like were tempted to go to your high school reunion were you i went to my 10-year reunion did you really i did because what was that like well i think it was supposed to be a bigger affair but all of the like popular quote unquote girls who wanted to plan it had had some sort of falling out so it turned into kind of like a local bar everybody meet up and i went so that was the 10 years so i would have been 27 and i hated it obviously um i i if listeners if you can't tell i don't like things um and i'm not super positive person uh and i didn't love high school although i had a fine experience i just was kind of off doing my own thing um but i went and i was so horrified because everybody looked so different that like people were coming up to me and I couldn't for the life of me tell who they were.

Right. I just got so awkward. And then I like, I think I did one round and then left with somebody I did like, and we went and got drunk somewhere else. Nice. That's weird that you didn't recognize people. That's weird that you didn't recognize people. Because I feel like when we had a 10-year reunion, I didn't go to mine. But it was, I felt like, well, Facebook had just started existing.

And I was like, well, anyone I need to know, I can keep track of this way. And everyone kind of looks the same. Yeah. It was uncanny valley. They looked enough like themselves, but some were just like too. They all had like little saline donuts in their forehead. They were just poking. No, I mean, depressingly, I guess I felt like life had hit a lot of those people pretty hard. And I didn't want to be around to talk about it.

Okay. Well, we can't be all as youthful and glowing as Nicole Passmore. Do you understand? Yes, that's true. She looks so young. She's got headgear. It looks fresh.

It looks new. She seems like a teen. If you ask me, she seems like a teen. Yeah. Okay. She's a TikToker. I realize this is a joke,

but rude. I graduated from high school in 1998. And I remember I didn't go to our 10-year reunion in 2008 because I was seen taken in the theater. Yes. Yeah. And that's a valid excuse. Mm-hmm. That is.

I didn't go to mine either because it was the same kind of style as Nicole's. It was just going to be at some bar. Mm-hmm. And I was like i'm not yeah i'm not flying to hang out in a bar oh yeah it's not like important but like in the movies there's it's like this big thing it's at the school and there's a dance in the gym and people get the hook up and all this kind of stuff that's what we're led to believe a reunion is but it sounds like it's just a bunch of people always

meeting at moxies or something like that romey romey and michelle they was that i never saw that movie was that their 10 year that's a good question i guess so yeah because that feels like a movie they should have done every 10 years ah that's how they should have. Like seven up. Can you imagine going to like your 50th? Go to my 50th? Yeah. I won't be around. I will be gone. Your 50th? Yeah, your 50th.

Like it would just be like whoever, whoever just had a run of luck to be alive that long. To live to be 67 years old. I don't know. You know, everybody doesn't get to be 60 so no i know but i i wouldn't call it a tremendous like statistically you probably have enough people for a reunion oh yeah but like what will the bars be like in the future no sure yes i want my drink pill i'm too drunk to drive my flying car home i'd take a drink we're never getting that that's never gonna happen the flying car

it's they've tried to make it happen so many times it sucks the ones that they do make they suck they don't look like cars they look like helicopters. And nobody can drive a helicopter. Two people per country. That's all the people who can operate a helicopter. Yeah, we're not getting them. It's okay. Agreed. Thank you.

I guess I don't have, you know, if you were looking for a groundswell of support on that. It didn't seem to happen. No, it wasn't going to. I shouldn't have made that the bulk of my platform that only two people in a country are allowed to operate a helicopter yeah some countries are really big and i think a lot of is helicopter piloting a one-person job yeah yeah i have no idea have either of you ever been in a helicopter yeah no both i haven't oh yeah i've been in one helicopter and it was the weirdest wait why were you on it oh yeah i remember that

yeah why did you take a helicopter i went and did a corporate in uh nanaimo and they were that was something they threw in they were like you won't have to get on a ferry or anything. You'll airplane over and then we'll helicopter you back. And I was like, sure, if you say so. And yeah, I actually got to ride on a helicopter. And it's weird. It doesn't feel like riding on a plane. You feel like you're just flying through the air without engines. Because there's no rumble to it.

Weird. Would you do it again? Yeah, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm going to do it later this week. I'm breaking quarantine to go helicoptering. I think you can break. I don't think that's breaking quarantine. Yeah, I think. Oh yeah, there's no specific

rules about. Because there's so much air like spinning around it. The speed of the blades really kills the globules or whatever they're rules about. Because there's so much air like spinning around the speed of the blades really kills the globules or whatever they're called. That's true. Roll down your windows. Have that classic full

open door helicopter experience you'd be totally fine. Yes. Vietnam style. Sure. The worry is someone throws a grenade in right before you leave. Yeah, that's true. But that's the risk you want to take if you want to have your hair propelled around and see the sights.

Would you guys go on a helicopter if it was offered? 100%. 99%. 99%? What are you scared of? Um, helicopters Yeah, okay I would totally go

I would, yeah But you also have to, like When you get on them, you have to crouch down As you walk towards the helicopter Because otherwise it'll chop the top of your head off Just the top Um Uh If you,icole if you love helicopters so much name 10

um okay i bet you i could uh spirit of saint louis that's right do you think you could name do you think you could name more types of airplanes or types of teeth uh oh um airplanes i think because i i really only know mold i'm gonna i'm gonna go with teeth what molars canines. What else? Bicuspids. Incisors, bicuspids. Fangs. Come on, what are we talking here?

We've got 747s. We've got 777s. We've got Air Force Ones. We've got the Spirit of St. Louis. We got... They were naming everything that. Yeah. Yeah, the... I watched Air Force One

like a week ago. It's like taken on a plane. it's like taken on a plane it is like taken on a plane i don't want to be corrected i remember really liking air force one oh no it's it was like a ton of fun but it's just so crazy when you think about any of the presidents that have existed doing the same things this president was doing it's very hilarious maybe barack obama would be he would be good at saving a plane but everybody else like can you imagine like a former army guy yeah he had a he had a decorated career as an army man which it feels like that's the easy route on any action film is like oh yeah they just they were in the military that's how they know how to do all this stuff do they is there one part is it i don't know if it's gary oldman or one of the other bad guys where he like wraps a cable around

his neck and then pushes him out of the plane yeah i gotta re-watch this is that when he says get off my plane uh yeah yeah he went and kicked gary oldman off uh that's the guy he wants off the plane and they the people who are in charge of Air Force One said at the time, like, it's very accurate, except there are no bay that you can jump out of with parachutes. That doesn't exist. And also the escape pod doesn't exist. You guys remember the escape pod? No. Who escaped that?

A smaller plane inside of the plane. escape pod who escapes a smaller plane inside of the plane just a ghost of st louis inside of the sphere in the same room sure yeah the specter of st louis um who escapes in the escape pod it's supposed to be president harrison ford but then he he escapes he escapes. He escapes out of it and he sends it down. Now looking back, he could have got one person in there if he was going to escape. He could have said, you know,

First Lady, go ahead. He gets rid of it because why? Because then they think that he's gone and then they start picking off hostages. But then, yeah that he's gone. And then they start. Yeah. They're picking off hostages. But then, yeah, he could have guaranteed saved somebody. Yeah, exactly.

Like it was selfish of him. Was his daughter in that plane the same daughter from Mrs. Doubtfire? Uh, maybe. Was there an elder daughter in Mrs. Doubtfire? Yeah. There's an elder daughter. Was the younger daughter Matilda in? Yes. The younger daughter was Matilda. We all remember

Matilda. Yeah, that's a good focal point to figure out where people, when they were born, where they're from is what's your relationship with Matilda. Was the brother in Mrs. Doubtfire Joey Lawrence's brother? Is that the same kid from Li? Liar? This is the worst trivia game ever. Why are you going that it's president Harrison Ford? He plays himself in the movie, but we can't remember the real woman's name for Matilda.

Mara Wilson. Well, Dave can, he's a, But we can't remember the real woman's name for Matilda. Mara Wilson. Oh, well, Dave can. He's a, he's a Matilda head. Yeah. I'm a real Tildy.

No, Mara Wilson. Yeah. Real Mara Wilson. Disciple. She's cool. She's very cool. Yeah.

I, uh, like anytime that a child actor just like turns into a functional adult, I applaud it. I feel like it's hard to do. And you know what I mean? Like, it feels like,

like Natalie Portman, somehow she like got away from child actor. And now it's like full adult actor. Yeah. She transitioned. Well, I like to go from child actor to just nice grown-up. Well-adjusted grown-up who's not an actor.

Yeah, I think that's my favorite. I always think of that guy who was in that band that I talk about too much. 30 Seconds to Mars. This is the story of a girl

who cried her every day of her life when she looked so sad and bored. seconds to mars this is the story of a girl they're they're my like slightly famous to normal success story in my brain because he became a math teacher and he just was like fine yeah what that see that that's perfect to me what and he married the model from that music video and she became like oh no he became a music teacher i think what's the name of that band no idea semi-sonic no no semi-sonic is closing time this is doubtfire this is exactly the type of world dave should be yeah yeah nine days is the name of the band this is absolutely i absolutely don't know it i mean i know this song i know this song but i i yeah like it's a it's the kind of song i've heard a million times while waiting for my prescription to be filled yeah but like there's i like the idea of somebody who is a child actor and then just got out of the game and then pursued something else with their life and then it's just kind of like a fun thing

about them yes speaking of um marrying the girl from the music video, I was, so I, I have these music video channels that I sometimes watch and I was watching

the video for, um, God, uh, I would swallow my pride. I would jerk on the right. The lack thereof would make me

a bit excited. I would burn my doubt turning inside. I'm nothing but space and nothing. I don't want to turn around and party and bleed. right beautiful Olivia I don't know who sings that that's Eve Six that's Eve Six

they were teenagers when that came out they were like That's Eve Six. Is it? That's Eve Six. They were one of these. Oh, yeah. They were teenagers when that came out. They were like, you know, America's answer to Silverchair. Oh, yeah. Cool. But they were the girl in the video, the actress in the video. I was like, where do I know her from? And then I realized, oh, hey, I had just watched watched another music video she was in like three videos before that and she was the actress in the your body is a

wonderland video oh really raking in the hits raking in the hits is what i call when john mayer touches a woman's body hits are getting raked in all the time but like uh i'm trying to think because yeah there were people who were uh women in particular were called video vixens and they they would appear yes multiple and i read a bio i would say probably women entirely you know there's probably like a guy that was in the lubega video that's a good dancer that oh yeah we call him a video vixen for sure yeah yeah there was there was one about uh a woman who was like big in the 90s

and she wrote a book about her adventures of being a video vixen and her big thing was that uh vin diesel was a very considerate lover oh boy what was vin diesel vixen was vin diesel in a music video or is she just like brushed fame she just was yeah she was in the same circles okay you don't remember vin diesel's song no i don't dave why don't you sing it for me oh yeah all right uh this is the story of a car a room a room a room a ding dong i absolutely love it it It's a car. Oh man, singing all the hits here. How many family members would you protect by flying

a helicopter into a plane? Don't get up and make it rain. I love the Fast and Furious franchise, by the way. I truly love it. has it gotten like because i think some people got into it in the early days and now it's too crazy but do you like the increasing it was it was movie one it was wild like i went to see it uh i don't know probably opening week in theater the first time because i was like that seems fun and i've tried to do that for all of them and they're they're it's always been weird they've

always been like what the fuck am i watching and it's so delightful yeah the second is like too fast too furious i went to with a friend probably in like university and we laughed so much that another couple complained about us this isn't mrs doubtfire this is a serious movie yeah this is a come from behind hit of the year yeah but don't they fight a submarine in the most recent one it feels like that's still people are like yes this is good level of in the most recent one they are under the ice fighting in a submarine they're doing they're doing a lot they're working overtime oh yeah i'd like to see their uh you know their journal or their calendar i'd like to see what that's going on in that life uh dave we're doing a lot yeah dave what's going on with you man good i mean stuff uh

uh well i uh so a couple months ago i bought a car congrats i i went to my car guy vin diesel for his expertise um and he wrote me a song all about how to buy it something like this your super is a wonder car um and and now i'm just picturing the music video of john mayer being in bed with a car and him like running his fingers along the car not vin diesel no because that's a john mayer joint so we bought this car in uh november I, I was like, okay, well, winter's coming. I should get some snow tires on this car, but I,

I, uh, don't have a, uh, I just bought a car. So I don't have a lot of cash right now. And then I had to buy like, you know,

Christmas presents for the kids. They wouldn't just take the car as their Christmas present. I know, but they were like, Hey kids, we got a week free of Sirius XM satellite radio. That's your present. You can listen to 70s on 7. So I was like, okay, well, in the new year, I'll get some new tires for this car.

But no problem. We'll be fine until then. Then one day we get home and there's a screw in one of the tires and the tire is flat and so I'm like well that's the end of this car yeah throw the car away so I got the tire replaced and got a new tire on there, you know, with a temporary one and went to the tire store and was like, OK, I want to get some snow tires.

Is it still like eleven hundred dollars to get a set of snow tires? And they're like, no, it's it's cheap now. That's good. No, they said it's. That's good. No, they said it's still $1,100. Ah, no! And they said, we don't have them in stock right now, but they're in the warehouse. We'll call you tomorrow or the next day when they're in.

And so I came back the next day, and I said, okay, you have my tires. Here's my car. And they said, great. It'll take us 45 minutes, but we're doing this guy first. So come back in an hour and you'll have new tires on your car. Now, is this like in the pharmacy where they're like, okay, we'll get your prescription, but it's going to be 15 minutes. So just kind of walk around and think about things you'd like to buy.

No, it was. It was like, it was, I just had to walk around the neighborhood. Yeah. And it was like It was like, it was, I just had to walk around the neighborhood. Yeah. And it was like four days before Christmas. It was so cold and pouring rain. And I was like, okay, I'll go to the grocery store and like walk around for 10 minutes and then go to the dollar store and buy some stocking stuffers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all good.

And then try to kill the rest of the hour and then i got back to the tire place and the it was a different guy behind the counter and he said okay so uh that's your car there well we got some bad news your tires are all bald uh we managed to patch the one that was flat but uh you're probably going to need some new tires in the near future. And I was like, what are you talking about? I just bought some. And he was really confused. He was like, well, you bought some and you were going to bring them in for us to change?

And I said, no, I bought some from you and you were going to put them on. And then the guy, the manager who I had been talking to before came by and said, what's up? And he explained that they had just patched my tire and not put on the new ones. But the ones that were already on there are unusable. And I was like, well, I guess I'll come back in another hour. Yeah. was like well i guess i'll come back in another hour yeah please take this air freshener as a sign of our yeah our incompetence is a reminder of how we cost how horrible we treated

and so i'm like okay i guess i'll go be cold for an hour i've been to all the stores in the neighborhood so i guess i'll just like look at people's christmas decorations yeah that's fun that's cute actually that's a fun cute thing but like people used to that's what they would do they'd like sit in a in like a waiting room and read a magazine and drink coffee they had like complimentary coffee and you'd smoke and you would just sit there smoking and drinking coffee for an hour not not now in covet times man yeah that's true yeah i know this is a deeply privileged thing to say um here we go so listeners send some hate mail my way i'm giving a peace sign again one of the biggest things i miss is going to businesses that normally would

have free coffee or like your machine or whatever, and you could have a little coffee and now it's all gone. It's all gone. It's all gone. I'm sorry. Thanks Dave. Thank you. Thank you for understanding my plight.

No, I get it. It's tough out there, but like, yeah yeah and also like you can't just i can't kill time in like a coffee shop i guess i could but i don't want to yeah i've i've not been to toronto which i've been for half the year you've like really can't do anything oh well here you can but here you can i wouldn't um me either but that speaks to my privilege as well as where i could just be in my home yeah that's true um anyway so i uh take another walk and you know

how you're like if you have a confrontation with someone you're like well here's what i should have said in this situation but i didn't know this was coming i the whole time i was like oh i get to go back and like i'm still mad i get to like rehearse how i'm gonna be mad at these people this is great and then so they call me and they said okay your car's ready come back and uh i did and they were like okay we're gonna give you a discount and i was like but i practiced being mad i was gonna say i'm tired of the way you're treating me and this is where the rubber meets the road mister bald-faced lie that yeah don't tread on me me i'm rubber and you're glue watch out spock you're gonna get vulcanized this really grinds my ears i've taken it to the car it's gone yeah sure we had a good run and we can all remember it guys we could do more we got mileage out of it

i'm all out of alignment this hasn't been a good year i hate this by the way rotate on this dave you need to tell people that you just gave us a middle finger yeah well I think I can imagine anytime you say on this I don't say that no I remember you that used to be something you would say rotate on this or anything on this you would do that

I would do the full suck it I'm still partial to the suck it sign gesture is it you cross your hands over your crotch yeah yeah like a double karate chop it's it's from wrestling sometimes i don't cross and i just do down and like like upper thigh for each hand and then you say suck it and then i say suck it that's the best and then i say rotate on this that's worse than any of the other tire puns we were doing yeah

uh the guy was telling me uh also at the brand of tire i got how many brands of tires could you name three for sure Goodyear yeah Goodyear, Michelin Fire I want to say Firesteam but I know it's not that yeah it's Harvey Firestone

Harvey Firesteam Firestone Bridgestone are those the same thing I don't know Firestone, Bridgestone, are those the same thing? I don't know. You need your Bridgestone Blizzax, which is the official tire of Snoop Dogg. So the kind I had before were Hankooks, and the kind i have now are continentals and the guy at the tire store was like after i had come back and he was like super apologetic and gave me a discount he was talking about my tires and he's like oh yeah these are great the

contis are great and i was like look maybe in your industry you're shortening the names of tire brands, but... Not me, man. I'm not. I don't call Continentals Contis. Also, if you were going to shorten it, I would shorten it to Nentals. You wouldn't call them Contis. It's like how we used to call this a cast, but now everyone calls them pods. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you got some nice nentals on there four good nentals well you gotta you got all wheel drive you gotta get four nentals further and just call them nenties or talls yes pretty good talk um just keep shortening it into oblivion uh graham what's going on with you? Well, as was alluded to earlier in the episode, I got a full-blown root canal first I've ever had in my life, which is good. That's good that this was the first ever.

Have either of you root canaled? No. I don't even know what it is. I barely understand it because, like I said, my mom's had one, but still don't even know what it is i barely understand it because like i said my mom's had one but still don't get it so she tried to explain it but her mouth was frozen so basically like it's i got it in two parts the first thing is called me hitting you and you hitting the ground that's right yeah uh polypectomy which they like go and cut like clean out the tooth and also i think uh remove the nerve i think is what they do or they remove stuff around the nerve okay and it's very gross and a lot of blood involved

and then the second part is just like going into those same holes and like scraping out anything that doesn't need to be there because eventually they're gonna put a crown on it and so i was sitting in the chair and at like the midway point i was like jesus so they're just going into like a so okay so you have a gap between two teeth where there's no tooth is that right no I still have the tooth. Okay, so when you say go in and scrape everything out, where? In the tooth. So you drill different holes into the tooth,

and then you use different sizes of files to get rid of anything that's not tooth because you're going to cap it eventually. What else is in there? You know, some New Yorkers that I never read. that's not tooth because you're going to cap it eventually. What else is in there? You know, some New Yorkers that I never read. Some wood chips from Gerbil I know. I know. So I was in the chair and I was like,

Jesus, this feels like it's been over an hour. And then when they brought the chair up and I saw what time it was, I was three hours in the chair and i was like jesus this feels like it's been over an hour and uh then when they brought the chair up and i saw what time was i was three hours in the chair yeah wow were you knocked out in any way like you were awake i was awake yeah i have to give you local anesthetic i'm sure yeah yeah yeah yeah um a little bit in your mouth a little bit in your penis that's the way I've always done it that's how they do the vaccine too oh that's another thing I got the test

this week before the before the the pulpectomy or whatever no I was feeling sick in the middle of the week and I called the nurses hotline and they were like i think it's fine but you you can go like you can go and get a test yeah yeah and it was how did you like it is how i was about to phrase that

i loved it every minute of it uh i didn't think it was, it was weird when he said, I'm going to keep it in there for 10 seconds. I was like, why? What did I do to you? Just stick it in and pull it out. Don't loiter. Well, we're hanging out. I've had seven COVID tests. Holy shit.

We've had three guests who've all had seven tests in the last few weeks. Well, not in the last few, oh, your guests in the last few weeks well not in the last few oh your guests in the last few weeks yeah right that's how language works um works both ways i've had seven because like uh two were from the app like the covid alert app oh yeah are familiar and then two were because of travel one was because of work and then two were because of travel. One was because of work. And then two were because I was like, I think I might be sick. And in Toronto, especially for a stretch of time, it was basically just go like anybody can go because they were under testing. So I didn't feel bad going the couple of times that I was like, I have little bits of symptoms.

But I went to the same place three times in a row. And by the third time, I did have a bit of a fear that they were like, is she just horny for these tests? Yeah. Like that's her whole kink is getting a swab up the nose. Yeah. Or like, is she a like hypochondriac who like,

Oh, just coming back from our tests. Cause it felt weird. I'm just going to keep this up your nose for 10 seconds. Actually you could do 10 minutes i'd be fine with it whatever is safer for you you have my consent keep it up there buy me dinner first it feels so weird to be like no i'm actually doing this as a conscientious person but it feels weird i'm not doing it for fun no i'm not they're

not fun but people i think people think you only need to go when you're like the sickest you can be yeah but it's like if you suspect that something's up they'll get a test there's a that's why they got them there i well i went once with very mild symptoms and that was partly for work partly for mild symptoms and i was like yeah i don't really like it's just i'm i'm i just feel like it's better to do this yeah and the woman working was like oh no great like we would rather you come in than walk around thinking you're okay or not care about it. So was your Graham, was your test outdoors? Uh, yeah,

it was a drive through one. Oh, that's safe too. Were you in a car? Did you do the walkout? I got, I got one of the, I got like a car sharing car.

I'm just, Oh, great. That's great. I think that might be what you're not supposed to do. There's no other way. You can't walk through. You have to drive through you can walk through really oh no yeah when i went there was like they have another well yeah

you you can uh there's like a tent set up next to the drive-thru tent for walk-ups where is it how would you get there anyway yeah it's i mean it's in a bit of a dead zone uh transit wise which i think is probably worse than driving a yeah i would imagine it's in a bit of a dead zone transit wise which I think is probably worse than driving a car to the fair transit's worse yeah skateboard? skateboard is safe but not if you're

in a skate park or ski never mind doesn't matter you know are you okay? I'm negative yeah I'm fine i think it was just like a really really bad bout of allergies and uh but i couldn't swallow and i was like you know i was coughing and i was like okay this could be the beginning of something so i'm gonna go get it yeah and it was fine like was that before the um root canal after yeah but yeah like the root canal

was gross so the pulp act to me there was so much blood was there so much blood in the root canal no like all the blood's gone by then it's just filing down weird areas and does it does it oh my i'd say in my boy in my uh list of my least favorite smells of all time the smell of burning teeth as they drill yes burning teeth is like high on the list and the thing is too is uh i for whatever reason i don't respond very well to the freezing thing that they put in. So they have to jab me like six times to get it frozen enough that they can do their thing. And even then it wore off in the last 20 minutes of digging around. Did you feel it?

Oh, yes. I hate that. Yeah. i hate that yeah i had to get um like my bottom teeth shaved which the dentist does not like me using that word gets very offended that's for barbers only gave me a mini lecture about how it's not shaving it's spacing um but like drill thing and like shave your teeth so they can move them but so i went to this appointment and he was like oh don't worry it doesn't hurt and i was like okay and then he started and i was like oh and he's like it doesn't hurt and i was like actually you're done and so he kept going and I was like, what the hell?

Also, he just threw in two extra teeth that he wasn't supposed to space, quote unquote. So I was like extra teeth and I was like, ow. And then he was like, oh, well, nobody else thinks it's painful. And I was like, cool, great. And then I went to the sink to like wash my mouth and I spat out so much blood. And I was like, am I supposed to be bleeding? And I turned around and he was shocked. He was just like, well, it's just like flossing when you bleed, when you floss.

And I was like, I really don't think it is. Like I'm spitting up mouthfuls of blood. I think you shaved. I think you thought you were spacing my teeth ands of blood i think you shaved i think you you thought you were spacing my teeth and you shaved i think you shaved them yeah next time you should nair your teeth nair yes very good very good yeah um should we move on to some overheards a segment in which you if you're lucky enough to be out there in the world if things that you hear and see we want them reported back to the podcast immediately uh and you can do that spy at maximumfund.org and we also we always like to start with the guest

nicole do you have something that you've been lucky enough to overhear sure I mean I really there's two there's one that is not new but I just want to share because I don't think I ever have and it's always in my head um so the one from a long time ago is I was like a couple years ago even I was at the school by my house in Toronto uh I live near an elementary school it's like a couple of degrees I live no I'm a little west of Degrassi okay um I'm in little Italy for those out there who love to know personal information uh but there's a school there was very like simpsons-esque there was a group of kids screaming like do it do it come on do it like truly a group of 20 30 kids

just screaming at this one kid do it and he finally was like fine and then he walked over and he kicked a metal pole so hard that it looked like it broke his foot but it didn't and they all just like erupted into a scream like yeah and it is stuck in my head forever because just like the sad look on this boy's face and he's like fine i'll do this thing and this thing was picking a pole i'll do my thing i'll hurt myself anyway that's that that just exists in my brain every day but um i guess a new a new overheard is it really an overheard uh we were watching i'm at my mom's place currently in BC, in Vancouver, North Van. What, what? Delete that, please.

Do not include that in the podcast. No. Don't include that. I don't like that. So I'm at my mom's place. Well. It's me, my mom, and my sister, and we were watching Bridgerton. And if you don't know, is that what a fictional period drama and my mom is a very smart woman she really is but she um doesn't understand time and how it works

and so she we were watching she's like hmm so this was what it was like in the 1920s. Hmm. And you should know that this is the early 1800s. And they're in full period. And we were like, no. And this is only an important overheard to me. Because if you've been around my mom, you would have heard her do this multiple times. Like, we would watch.

One time we were watching. So I think it might've been like Jurassic park. And she was like, I wonder what it was like when humans lived with dinosaurs. And I was like, they didn't. Yeah. Like this is the 1920s as I understand. But she like, again, very smart woman, really smart, but she fully thought until two years ago that dinosaurs and humans coexisted.

And every time we watch something that is from a different time period, she'll just pull a number out of nowhere. Like literally nowhere. No, I don't think she knows how time works or how decades work anyway that's all i got for you because that's great those are both fantastic thanks um and give all my love to your mom yeah you have children okay give some to your sister as well oh okay so none for your family all for me yeah give give all my love to two members of your family you decide which two okay yeah

dave do you have an overheard yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so this is uh a couple weeks ago i had had to buy this product called resolve urine destroyer. Did you buy it so that they wouldn't notice that you're buying condoms? No, he bought condoms. So they wouldn't notice he was buying the urine destroyer. Well, I was, I was wanting to be in a punk band and i needed a cool name so i decided to be mr urine destroyer um anyway there was let's just say there was some urine on the floor of my house yeah okay on a carpet that needed to be dealt with uh and so i bought this stuff and it uh i was reading the

the directions on the back and it says uh here's here are the directions that's right it's very small writing uh remove loose dirt and blot wet soils with a clean absorbent towel. Use only in well-ventilated areas. Keep children and pets off the carpet until dry. Do not spray directly on pets. Yeah. To teach them a lesson. Yeah, so that last part seemed strange that you had to put that there because people were like, well, my dog keeps peeing on the floor.

So why don't I take out the middle man and just spray this on the dog? I used to have a joke about how, uh, what's the stuff that you spray in your house to make it for breeze, for breeze, for breeze, for breeze on the warning. The warning label on for breeze says,

do not spray around birds. That's cool. I get it. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, you're not going to go out into the woods and spray them at birds. I How about you? Yeah, I haven't overheard. I was behind Give it to me. I was behind a couple

in the checkout and it's one of my most hated things is when you're standing at the checkout and they're still kind of shopping that like they'll leave the basket there and kind of wander around a bit oh yeah like are you in line or are you shopping um and so it was a couple the guy just kept drifting in and out of line and looking in the fridge where we were all close to lining up in and out of line and looking in the fridge where we were all close to lining up and uh he said to his girlfriend that i think she's had enough too i think this guy's an all-time loser um he said should we get some should we get some more tofu and she said i don't want to be that

kind of person the kind of person who has tofu for when they run out of tofu yeah yeah exactly too much tofu i have three separate types in the fridge right now so well you got a smoked um yeah i got a smoked i got a puffed like a bean curd style and then um i got a classic extra firm this is great these are the top the top kinds yeah some real good ones how many tofu's do you have at home graham uh right now just the one i got some smoked some smoked tofu ready to go when i am ready dave yeah do you think you could name more types of tofu or more sexual positions? Okay. Oh, this is good.

All right. So here are types of tofu that I learned so far. Puffed, smoked, classic. Are there more than that? There's different firmnesses. Oh, sure. Medium, firm, less firm. Those are also sexual um let's see what else is there tofu wise there's stringy there is um fun size yeah fun size there's braided like

swiss bread um sure holla yes that's not swiss i guess you're right um let's see what else is there in terms of tofu no and i could name all the porking positions pork one you know what like there are things these things couldn't be more opposite one's vegetarian the other is straight up pork and there's the old squishy tits there's middle elbow there's first position there's there's around the world and walk the dog there's spirit of saint louis yeah there's um you know the the halfway, you know, Bob's your uncle. There's rhymes with orange. Let's see. Boy, there's nine days.

The story of a girl. I absolutely love her. There's Eve six. There's some 41 and like 182 matchbox 20. And of course, 69. There you go. Nice. Well you listed all of them so I'm impressed. You hit them all. Are there any Tofu's expositions?

Oh yeah. There's the sperm. The firm, the not as firm. The firmicidal jelly. There's a halfway Bob's your uncle. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the so i want you all to think about that for a good long time thank you um now we also have overheard sent in from listeners all over the place if you want to send one in to us send it into spy at maxima fun.org this one i'm not sure if this is true this seems like it's too good to

be true uh this is a gentleman who is... I don't have his name in here. Oh, no. Maxim Minneapolis. That's who it is. He's got a bus driver father. He was a bus driver for 30 years. And the recent year reminded me of an overheard he passed on to me.

This is a family heirloom overheard that's been passed down generate he's gonna pass down to his kid and etc etc a man getting on the bus hey what time is it dad it's 6 15 man is that in the morning or night now do you think that's a fake one or do you think that's real you think that his dad was just came up with that? You know what? I, as much as I don't like things and I'm not a positive person, as I said earlier, um,

which just is true. I think it's real. I have, I want to believe it's real. Okay. Okay. Okay. Dave,

do you think it's real? Um, I, yeah, I believe it's real. Cause I think there's a kind of guy who yeah it's been up all night and right yeah i've said he hasn't slept in a while so so the jury rules real i think so yeah the jury rules real yeah okay cool um all right well this next one uh i have no problem believing this

is real this is from mike a on christmas, our family was driving around looking at Christmas lights, and my son asked my wife, Hey, Mom, are you a gum person or a toast person? So, round the horn. Nicole, gum or toast, what are you? Well, first, I just want to say there are two genders. Gum person and toast person. toast what are you well first i just want to say there are two genders gum person um am i a gum person i truly cannot think of two more different pieces of

food so which one are you i'm gonna say toast i'm gonna say toast i would rather a piece of toast than a piece of gum. There you go. I agree. I use gum for times when I can't brush my teeth. So I feel like those can substitute for each other in a pinch. But nothing does toast. That's true. So I'm a toast person.

I'm gum. I'm team gum because I love chewing gum. I do it habitually. You know what? Toast is fine. not gonna it's not gonna beat gum honestly we we were so bored over christmas because everything was closed and it's quarantining and we got to think of things for these kids to do all the time right uh we just one day we were i was like i'll buy bubble gum we'll just try to blow bubbles how'd it go i i did great until somebody peed on the carpet they were so excited let's not say who let's not say who that's true yeah but it might have been me trying to if you were a gentleman i had a credit for peeing okay of course yes i was so i scared myself when i was uh using a hand mirror to inspect my undercarriage and you uh threw down your

jacket over the piece so your family could walk over it absolutely thing to do um this last one comes from jay parts unknown the other day we took my four-year-old to a park for the first time since quarantine started he was playing with his friend and at one point they called me over some older kids had written on the back of a sign that you could only see from climbing going in the uh climbing under the structure my son and his friend said it was their calendar and thankfully we're happy making uh making up stuff and instead of asking me what it actually meant especially the largest section which read eat ass smoke grass skate fast wow yeah so there are three genders that's right yeah um that's on my calendar too eat ass yeah yeah definitely on my to-do list

and you know while you're there smoke some grass yeah and do skate fast yeah Yeah. While I'm there. You're there anyway, so you might as well skate fast. Here is, oh yeah, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one like these people have. Hey, this is Keith in central Pennsylvania calling in with a

overheard kids say the darndest. My daughters were getting ready for bed the other night and I heard my eldest seven say to our five-year-old hey, do you think that everyone has human butts? And my little one said,

yeah. And my oldest said, non-animals. Alright, off I go. That kid gets it. I've trapped you in a world of logic. I can't believe you admitted you think everyone has human butts.

But particularly baboons, they've got really far away from human butts absolutely considering they're so close to us in so many other ways yeah exactly but then they just have this big red butt too colorful it's wild too colorful i love it and too out there you can't it's you know they would constantly be doing my eyes are up here because you can't not look at their juicy red ass if i had a had one of those baboon butts i it would be time to see a doctor i would get i like imagining my eyes are up here as a gesture to someone who's standing behind you staring at your eyes. Hey, my eyes are on you.

Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham. This is William in Everett, Washington. Just standing in line at the pharmacy at the grocery store. And there was this lady behind me with a shopping cart and her very young child on it. And they were

going over some items and the mother was like, do you know who this is? It's Chester the Cheeto Tiger. And I thought that was pretty funny. They're orange. They're very good cheetos it's difficult being so cheesy oh man it is hard being a tiger

all right and your final overheard being a tiger. Aye, aye, aye. Alright, and your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham. It's Sheila calling with Lost in Translation. Hi, Sheila. As you may know, I work at an international school, so I hear

all kinds of different accents. And I meet lots of people who have different understandings of English. Working in the classroom next to me was a Romanian lady substituting. And the laptop the students were working on had died, the battery died. And when they came back, they couldn't find the song they were looking for. She needed some help finding it. And the clues she could give me was it was the silly candle song. Put your hands up like the silly candle does. I didn't, I don't know this one. So I said, you're going to have to give me some more clues. She came back and she said it was

performed by Michael Moore. Of course, I couldn't find anything. Later on, she came to tell me that she had found it. She had found this song where you put your hands up like the silly candle does. And guess what? It's not by Michael Moore at all, kids. Bye. Oh, man.

Michael Moore just got on the street protesting wars. Yeah, he's like, fuck this documentary stuff. I gotta find the release of that album I've been thinking about. Yeah. Oh, man. That's good. Michael Moore also did that. He did that song about the thrift

shop. That's right. Yeah. Poppin' tags in Flint, Michigan. Yes. Sure. Where my dad was a car building man. Man, oh, man. Well, that brings us to the end of this year podcast uh nicole if you uh do you want any contact from the outside world through a twitter or an instagram are you like

set oh am i set wow what a question um no my heart is not completely hardened if okay what you mean um yeah contact me podcast listeners i feel like i don't contact her don't just just follow you that's the word follow me um yeah you can follow me on twitter at nl passmore um i mean you you can check me out on instagram you will see nothing because i just lurk as a fake teenage girl yeah that's true yeah you can you fooled the algorithm i'm not doing much but when the world comes back you can uh you can see me performing with second city or in toronto around and if you, for some reason think I'm, you know what you'd want in an improv teacher, that's a thing I still do online,

which is nuts, but it's very, it's very fun. So you can do that through bad dog theater. And if you like my face, you can watch me on the last season of, of umbrella Academy on one of the episodes. Episode 7.

Nice. That's more to plug than most people. That's pretty good. That's a pretty good line of plugging. Well, thank you. Okay, settle down. Well, thank you so much for being our

guest. Thanks for having me. This was so much fun. Yeah. Dave, I hope your tires work out for you. I hope there's no more charges tire wise. Yeah, I guess I hope that as well. That's my New Year's resolution is to hope that you your tired woes are over. Your New Year's resolution is to hope. you your tired woes are over your new year's resolution

is to hope yes to hope that's what it is you really gotta tell yourself to do it i mean my new year's resolution is just i don't like to be so concrete i want to leave some room so i want my new year's resolution is to to do a better job of hoping yes yeah there you go right i don't want i don't want to hope i just want to you know get every day get a little bit better at hoping and i and i hope you both get what you want well you're way ahead of us you're already freestyle hoping light ears give all my love to your family thank you um and thanks everybody for listening out there uh everybody stay safe uh you know keep doing what you're doing and i know it sucks but and thanks everybody for listening out there everybody stay safe

keep doing what you're doing and I know it sucks but it won't suck forever and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.