Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 672 - Kevin Lee

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Improviser Kevin Lee returns to talk piercings, music documentaries, and weird movies.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 672 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, you know what, he doesn't fit in a onesie, but maybe he keeps them around just for special ceremonial purposes. It's Mr. Dave Shumka. I have some onesies in this room and that's what's bringing that up. I'm going to give a baby a onesie when the baby is born, the baby's not born yet it's a friend's baby yeah and i'm hoping the baby will

be my friend too yeah yeah you need to imprint early that's what you have to be there and imprint just like a duck or a dog or wolves yeah are they the ones that all imprint did you ever did your parents like there's a there comes an age where like your your your friends are your parents friends kids right and then they're like and then you you you know start going to school and you have your own friends yes and your parent you don't get to make your parents be friends with them you're like so uh i'm gonna play with billy yeah you guys go run upstairs and talk about cars or whatever yeah there's also the opposite of that where as a kid you're just sent into the basement with a bunch of other kids yeah party or something like

that they're just random kids oh it chills me chills me to the bone um our guest today one of our all-time faves here on the podcast uh he's oh so funny you can catch him each and every sunday online doing the sunday service uh it's kevin lee everybody hello hello guys how are you hi kevin hi we're great how are you oh i'm well uh well as can be you know yeah sure absolutely thanks stuff and things i'm boring stuff and thanks there's that uh improviser's mind the improviser uh yes and i am also a horny doctor i am well and i'm a horny doctor there you go and i work at a quiz nose okay and i have like more the improviser who just can't stop over yes string it i'll string it down um yeah doing well yeah we we do the show online now uh

we're doing that for far too it feels like far too long now like uh you know uh doing the zoom improv shows is uh is uh weird doing it in a vacuum you know like it's like just doing i don't know if you guys have done like have you guys done any like uh stand up like like gram have you done stand up like through youtube or zoom like that yeah and i don't like it it's so bizarre it feels like you're bombing always like you're just saying things and you're like these don't even sound like jokes anymore like i don't know what i'm talking about yeah you sound like random disconnected thoughts you're standing there in socks and you just feel like oh man this is all this is i would never do this this way ever yeah the pajama pajamas you're like performing but you're also like itching your shin like a

lot or something or like picking something out of your like you got like a bunch of like undies under your balls and you're like trying to pick that out and you're like i'm doing a show right now what is what is happening to professionalism and performance undies under your balls you know under your balls as soon as i said that i was like yeah yeah but you could do that like any show you could like any live show in a theater you could have your undies under your balls yeah but now i can do something about it in the moment um yeah so i'm good how are you guys good yeah do you want to get to know us yeah get to know us oh yeah we're both good we're great yeah never been better yeah i've been hitting the gym uh it's hip to be square um isn't that a line from it that he's hit the gym and eating better oh yeah it is yeah and watching what i eat yeah yeah yeah i'm working out most every day yeah what does that have to

do with being that's what that song's about oh i thought hip to be square would be like hey i'm a nerd like it's great boy the last time someone tried to explain the lyrics of hip to be square to me they uh boy they were wearing a see-through uh raincoat and holding an axe oh and they murdered me all right see that's funny i had a guy who explained it to me but he was having sex with me from behind and kissing his muscles. And then when I left, he threw a chainsaw down the stairwell.

It missed, but he wanted me to bring it back out to him. Then he did it again. And I was like, fool me twice. And I left. But then I saw him again and he was returning videotapes. And then he talked to an ATM machine

that told him, I forget what the ATM says to him. Yeah, and then he goes, what ATM machine that told him, I forget what the ATM says to him. Yeah, and then he goes, what was my running with him? You had the thing with the business cards, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I showed him my business card. He seemed really cool with it or impressed.

I'm not sure. But yeah, I never got to go over to his house or anything. He was just a co-worker. It's a really nice house. He's got this actually a pretty good like skincare regimen and exercise regimen he'll tell you all about it on this really extensive phil collins collection just front to back pc that's what he that's what he called pc culture is phil collins culture

pc culture run amok i'm tired of all this PC. Kevin, we were talking about doing shows on the internet and we make this show on, well, not Zoom. We use Squadcast. We might turn to Zoom because the lag has been so bad. I know lag was my safe word for when the lag gets really bad. though, but I know lag was my safe word for when the lag gets really bad. But anyway, every week it's a new obstacle of some technical issue to overcome. But earlier in the pandemic, we were talking about like, oh, well, you know what?

These are fine. And we were getting guests we could never get. Like we could never get a Kevin Lee to come to my house. That's right. This was just shout out your window and i'm just like always want like just loitering outside your house being like oh hey what's going on like i forgot to get an overheard again you want me to come on the show um but uh when you guys are done uh when the like when you guys are all immunized vaccinated right oh i'm not getting vaccinated you're not getting that don't like lollipops what's the deal i don't believe in vaccinations um when are you guys like

as soon as you're all vaccinated are you going back to the stage i mean that that's definitely like a first step i would think and then uh you know the rest would be like you know yeah just the rest yeah i don't know like what are the safety protocols then uh you know the rest would be like you know yeah just the rest yeah i don't know like what are the safety protocols of of you know that dr bonnie henry is putting out there like is the fox okay to open our most how how widespread is the vaccination going well by the time it's gonna be by the time you guys get it it'll be the lowest priority improvisers no that's not true don't sell yourself shirt. They're going to give us like a fake one or something.

It's frontline workers, seniors, improv troops, and then the rest, it goes down the line. And then the rest of the riffraff. Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, yeah, we'll, we'll see, see what happens. I mean,

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm optimistic about this this vaccine and all that stuff and but which vaccine do you like the most i like the ben and jerry's vaccine oh sure a vaccine dream that's my favorite one it's got chunks of it's got chunks of a waffle cone fucking coconut cookie dough in it and every every ben and jerry's flavor has like the same eight things and in huge chunks they're like big chunks of cookie dough in it and every every ben and jerry's flavor has like the same eight things

and in huge chunks they're like big chunks of cookie dough birthday cake uh fucking whole piece of pie in there you idiot like what do you want what do you want to fight yeah exactly yeah anyway what am i going that's yeah that's uh yeah so i don't know i'm worried about the super the new super strains and all that shit that's happening the UK and whatever it's like oh there's some new fucking thing coming up it's like yeah it's delicious it's a

delight for the senses yeah I don't I don't like those strains no really I you know I'm gonna get crucified for this here's the strains I like I like Maui Waui I like oh boy you know i'm gonna get crucified for this here's the strains i like i like maui wowi i like uh oh boy uh uh how many weed strains could i name uh you know yeah purple purple purple uh the the creepy uh the one that creeps up on you from behind

kaiser soze's smoke. Yeah, Kaiser Soze. That's right. Kaiser Soze. It's just called Kaiser Soze. Baja Blast. Baja Blast. Tahiti Treat.

Yeah, sure. Fruit Punch. Oh, the Pineapple Express. Is that one? Yeah. Yeah. Kevin, do you partake at all in the Smokeroo? No.

I mean, I used to once upon a time, but I think, I don't know when the last time I did was, but I've haven't had, I've since quit smoking anything, doing any kind of recreational drugs and alcohol for more than a year now. I think I quit last Christmas before last December. Wow. Yeah. So Stone Cold Soaps. how's that going for you yeah it's going well it was it was uh you know something that i've always kind of tried to bounce back and forth with for a while and you always just kind of fall into drinking again and uh and then finally just sort of uh decided enough enough's

enough uh and yeah i mean it's sort of that thing where it's like if i consider it a bit of a problem you know if i have this much conflict about it then that's kind of telling enough that it's like maybe it is something i should consider it's not something that i felt like i could just drink in moderation and you know in a happy medium it's like if i drank i was drinking and then you know that was that was that um so yeah so now without it i i don't i don't mind or miss it at all did you like do a dramatic pouring down the liquor down the drain or throwing a liquor bottle up in the air and shooting it um i was mostly just going past like uh teens and being like you think i'm cool now check this out and i just throw them a beer and be like it's yours i don't know uh no i didn't do anything uh dramatic really i think i just started drinking a lot of

and uh and and uh and obviously probably just eating a lot more chips and drinking a lot more coffee and just like shunted it off onto other vices and things um what's your go-to chip um i've been having a lot of the the these kettle uh i think they're just called kettle brand chips and they have um uh low sodium is good they're the same one that make the weights kettle they do two things like weight chips yeah i just i put the chip bag through the hole in the kettle bell and i lift it up and i take a big old horse bite out of the feed bag and then back down again i'm getting a big tattoo on my bicep saying built by chips chips and dips is my new uh fitness uh youtube channel um those are your knuckle tattoos chips dips i uh i adopted two cats as well over christmas and i named them fish and chips so

that's another thing because i was eating so many chips. I was like, chips is a good name. And then I was like, oh, Fish and Chips. That's a great combo. Did you have any cats before? I previously had a cat, but I have since. So here's like all the updates in a row. So yeah, so I'm sober now.

I adopted two cats before. I had a cat,'m i'm now getting a divorce and uh my my um my ex partner she from the cat she uh she got the cat no it was a thing where we tried to like it was the most amicable split ever um and so we were just like we both love this cat we'll try and share the cat and we were kind of passing the cat back and forth month by month and we were just like this is unrealistic for us and it's also just like i think it's and forth month by month and we were just like this is unrealistic for us and it's also just like i think it's freaking the cat out the cat's like what place is my place um and plus i got the cat a race car bed and a trampoline and a ps5 and i was just like i'm better right um uh no it's so

yeah giving you ice cream every night yeah don't tell your mother don't tell your mother but we're watching rated r you can watch euphoria i don't care um you watch uh 13 reasons why i mean suicide so cool um yeah i picture a dad who's just a dad who's renting things purely on the r rating and some of them are just like devastatingly sad crash here wartime. Cronenberg's crash. Here you go. Watch this shit. Oh yeah. James Spader has sex with a Patricia or Rosetta Arquette's leg wound.

Anyway, my cat loved it. We're just getting just Cronenberg's all weekend kitty. Yeah. Cronenberg fest. Video drove. Yeah. Existence. Existence.

Yeah. Do you think if you, if you weren't sober if you were drunk all the time that would have saved the marriage that was it i got sober and i got so annoying uh i just got productive uh more i just had more energy all day just eating chips yeah absolutely um no don't answer that i think being sober is a bit weird like being the only sober one in a relationship can be a bit weird because if the partner is like wants to drink it could be unless it's like really comfortable like the partner could be like oh is this like okay that i do this in front of you and it's like no it's totally fine but then there's that point where they get drunk and you're just sort of like

i'm with a drunk person they're just like being drunk and you're like okay like yeah you know like that's the first thing i noticed when i was sober yeah you're basically a cab driver yeah totally it's like i saw like it with it was just around friends it would just be like everyone would descend into drunkenness where you could see them all they could all they all seem to be talking in a weird new language that only they they all understood where they're like yeah it's that one there and then i did that and then it was like yeah to begin you're just like sitting there being like yeah okay i have no idea what anyone's talking about and it's not funny and i love you guys but i i gotta go home and it's 10 and go to bed eat chips yeah it's 10

o'clock and uh yeah i'm gonna be in bed by 10 30 yeah Yeah. And that's, that's what my life now. Graham, what's the longest you've gone without drinking? Like since I've been like legally allowed to drink. Yeah. I didn't drink for probably two or like two years or so in my like late twenties, early thirties. And yeah.

Well, maybe, maybe before that 26, 27, i guess uh and that was enough i was like okay enough with this uh this tomfoolery i'm getting back on the wagon because when we started this podcast it was like a thing like we would have a bunch of beers yes yeah it was like a fishing trip yeah and it was usually at if we would record at night and now and then we like over the last few years it became a thing where we're just doing it at like three in the afternoon so so having martinis then or yeah sure kind of a happy hour thing

some shrooms i guess what's the what's the mid-afternoon drug i don't know yeah i think well it's probably opium just something nice and mellow xanax yeah something that's not really gonna get on top of you yeah xanax is good any lewds you know qualudes oh yeah you know what my afternoon drug is caffeine i do a bunch of caffeine pills i don't talk to dave before he's had a caffeine oh man um well that's all that sounds great that sounds like uh like you're you're living the life you're you're do you wake up early now or are you still on just a regular, regular old sketch? I wake up early now because these cats want food at like 730 in the morning. So I'm always up because they start sprinting around and going nuts.

Yes. And they taught me a lesson early with they start doing laps and like sprinting across my bed and my body. And then one morning, one of them like ran up and jumped like off of my head and like did like a big like backflip and then like ran away. And I was like, OK, you're going to jumping off my head i gotta it's like you're sober and they're drunk yes absolutely absolutely they are did these two cats know each other before they met you yes they're sisters so they were adopt them together um so yeah so they're fun they chase each other around and play and snuggle they're very sweet do they fly for your uh attention and affection uh they do sometimes yeah sometimes one is a little bit more meek fish is a

little bit more meek than chips and so if fish is on my lap and chips wants to get in there she'll come in and try and muscle her out and fish will sometimes not move and sometimes we'll just be like okay i've gotta go we'll leave do you ever get fish and chips confused no never um never i'm good i'm good dad okay the fish is the fish has longer fur than than chips uh so it's it's easier to kind of tell them apart yeah because i for me all cats look very similar maybe different colors but yeah like if i saw the same cat twice i wouldn't i wouldn't realize it yeah which makes me not a cat person yeah and also um chips has gauges in her ears yeah she's she's doing some spacing yeah she's spacing out her ears that's

cool i guess it's her thing i don't know no judgments I mean it's weird I don't know like it's weird that someone did that to her like where did did she have to was it a friend

did she have to pay for it if so where did she get the money she went to Burning Man yeah Fish did it oh good um

do you have your daughters like they have the age now where they're like I want to get my ears pierced and you're like not until you're 16 yeah absolutely I'm a mean dad uh and no dating what's dating uh oh boy uh here's a movie called american psycho this should be

oh here's a funny dating comedy called scanners yeah maybe you want to watch that daddy where do babies come from oh I don't know but maybe the fly can teach you uncle brundle fly can tell you no they they it's weird because they're two years apart so we know

like they're close enough that once it happens they're both going to get their ears pierced like on the same day like we can't be like save money and get them to put one ear in front of the other and just get the guy to pierce through both of them at the same time um or get like robin hood to shoot an arrow yeah and somehow get it to stop running an apple on your ear the rest of the head an apple on your earlobe. Who are the best archers in

all of fiction? Or history? Cartoon archer. William Tell. Is that? Yeah, William Tell. Was Archie an archer? Yep. Running low uh robin hood the fox one robin hood the kevin david costner one russell crowe uh let's see uh brave oh yeah brave hawkeye

hawkeye's a great guy great guy oh just uh what's her face uh hunger games oh yeah games has one that guy who walked between the twin towers he had to shoot an arrow to get the line over or whatever oh yeah yeah so modern day um and uh i don't know someone from a zombie show anyway uh yeah my kids will get here there'sced probably sometimes they don't they they're scared of it they know yeah it's a poking a hole did you ever have ear pierced dave no kevin no when i was younger my dad threatened like sight unseen i hadn't been like talking about getting my ears pierced as a kid being like gonna get my ears pierced here we go it's like he just i don't know where i was just like if you get your ears pierced i'm ripping it out that was my dad and i was just like okay i guess i'm not doing that um

yeah so no how about you graham did you oh yeah i did yeah oh i don't know i got i got my ear pierced yeah it was it was that's so painful it's so painful really because they do yeah they just like they put it through your ear and your ear doesn't know what the fuck's going on so it's trying to close why didn't you show your ear a video of it first yeah listen to it um what uh was it just like at Claire's accessories? Yeah, yeah. And they do like, they just put in a stud and then you have to wear that for like a month so that you become deformed. And then they let you put a ring in or whatever. I have a pierced Brosnan.

God, that's not sanitary. That's supposed to enhance pleasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was debating whether it was going to be a pierced Brosnan or a pierced Morgan. Oh, God, that's not sanitary. That's supposed to enhance pleasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was debating whether it was going to be a Pierce Brosnan or a Pierce Morgan. Either way, I'll have what you're having. Yeah. It's not even related. Like, how do your daughters know what pierced ears are?

Like, where do they get their info? Oh, um... Stuffishouldntknow by now.com like i don't think it's that it's not like you know finding out how it's not like i'm trying to think of an example of things you don't know about like they don't know about stomach stapling surgery when are they supposed to learn about that well i'm definitely after ears ear piercing they know because they're like you know princesses and jewelry and stuff right right and then they they like princess diana she always wear really nice earrings so she's putting on clip-ons and they keep falling off and they're like there's got to be a better way clip-ons hurt as well like they they have seen clip-ons they've tried clip-ons and i've

tried them too they they're that's like a little bit of bdsm for your lobes yeah according to gram it's not much of a step up. These hurt. Is there a way this couldn't hurt? No, it's... It hurts and it like... They're like, keep swabbing with alcohol and it won't get infected. And then it instantly becomes infected because what the hell, man? That guy at Claire's

isn't a surgeon? Yeah, I mean, I can't swab it with alcohol. I'm sober now swabbing it with almond milk and it does not like that i'm doing dry january um yeah like uh i knew people men in high school that had like a bunch of them going up their ear which that don't you have to like punch out something in the upper ear like to make cartilage or something because it's different than the earlobe right oh yeah punch it out like you would end up with like emptying out a hole punch yeah yeah yeah you'd end up with ear confetti

throw it at somebody's wedding just throw it at the birthday party of the piercing claire's claire's birthday party i think you just poke a little hole i don't think you're punching anything out okay yeah it's uh it's the wild world of piercing that's that sounds like a gross magazine that probably exists oh yeah definitely a friend of mine told me that a guy that we like a childhood friend of mine said that we a guy who went to he just suddenly remembered this story of a guy we went to high school with like he ran into him i think he said on robson or somewhere close to the art gallery like a busy street and then he hadn't seen him since high school this was like maybe they were in their early 20s and the guy was like oh yeah man i just i just went

and got my uh my uh my dick pierce check it out and he just pulled it out and showed it to him on the street and then my friend just said that he like doesn't know why but he had like no he was just like oh yeah there it is this guy he hadn't seen in a really long time saw like he pulled his thing out and showed him his like penis piercing which is like so intense even just telling somebody out of the blue that you just got that done is pretty crazy and then without thinking being like check it out you want to see it right um like i think that's something like they should it should be like surgery like if you're getting your penis pierced the the piercer should be like do you have someone to drive you home do you have someone to jerk you off but also his

do you have someone to show as soon as you leave this place out on a busy street yeah everybody like that but he's had his penis out for however long it takes to do that so he's had his penis out for however long it takes to do that. So he's just having the penis. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I hope, I hope he's dumb. Um, but it, oh,

the day it's done. I mean, it must be just like, it must look like, uh, Ben Stiller and something about Mary nervous. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Nervous. Uh, but like, yeah, not the best state to show it in. That's always been the most bizarre one, right? That's been the weirdest one is the penis piercing.

I think so. Is there anything like that rivals it? Maybe that I saw somebody got. Someone's listening right now and they're like, oh, I hope they don't mention my weird body part that's pierced. My tail. My vestigial tail. I got it pierced a bunch of times at Burning Man.

Do you think Burning Man was that? Did that still happen? Was that pandemic friendly? Because it's all outdoors. I thought they said they canceled it or something. But how would you know? I don't know. I don't know.

Have you ever been tempted to go to something like a burning man? Oh God, no, no, no, no. That is not, that is not my scene.

I mean, a, I'm sober. B, I hate makeup, like putting makeup on and like, I don't like, I feel ashamed admitting that I don't really like dressing up for Halloween and stuff.

I feel like, I feel like it's like some sort of sign of being like a bad, uncreative, not fun person but i do enough fun stuff fuck off so i like that just and then just all the stuff with like you know sacred geometry and all that jazz like i'm just like you know yeah this stuff just like i have no patience for it so it's just i think burning man seems like the worst is there any part of it like because i'm i'm very much a kevin like i

there's uh and no one would even like anyone who has spent five minutes with me would be like dave will never go to burning man dave there's nothing for dave at burning man what if what if one of the daughters wants to go then who's yeah i will i'll support them um how about you just leave them out of this okay um see you dropping them off at burning all right girls take it easy you got your cheat string cheese you got your weird coins for barter you got your you hold hands you hold the hands the whole time okay don't pierce anything i wouldn't pierce which is nothing i gave you gave you one of those phones that only has one button to phone me um but i like the idea of kevin going to burning man and being like a mini

celebrity as the guy who doesn't really like burning man who's there yeah and everybody's like this dude he's doing some kind of twist this is modern modern art twist meta level like who hates the thing we love yeah exactly just sitting in a lawn chair being like nope i think the one level i could maybe get into it uh is the vehicles because don't they have like weird bikes and yeah they have weird bikes strange cars cars that shoot fire i'm sure they have like a record number of unicycles which again is like makes me roll my eyes where it's like i know it's super hard and i like do not have the core strength or coordination to like ever ride a unicycle but also like why like get out of here with the unicycle go ride that into a lake go take a short don't take a long ride off a short pier

i don't understand why the unicycle ever came into existence because bicycle was very useful and who was like well let's get it down get it down to one well you're you assume that the unicycle came after the bicycle but what if it didn't yeah what if davinci stole the unicycle from like you know jimmy unicycle and was like uh i put the two together and it's way easier and everyone's like davinci you genius and then the unicycle from like you know jimmy unicycle and was like uh i put the two together and it's way easier and everyone's like you genius and then the unicycle guy's like you son of a beach what world do you think uh aren't they italian da vinci but the like bicycles came like three or four hundred years later what they basically stopped the old west bicycles came

oh i thought he invented a bicycle i thought he i mean maybe he drew something like it but that's what i'm talking about am i right yeah you drew like a helicopter too he drew a raleigh uh mountain bike a fully loaded raleigh 10 speed you know you think that he knew what the hell he was doing like that he was drawing these things and he's like, I don't know, maybe this could be it. You know, it's like,

if you see a crazy sketch at an art gallery, you're like, maybe this person was trying to communicate some sort of thing they wanted to see invented. Yeah. Cause he had notebooks and notebooks of things that were just probably like doodles to him. And then all these years later, we're like, he discovered that he had notebooks and notebooks of things that were just probably like doodles to him and then all these years later we're like he discovered that he had no other job he had no

you know he had nothing else to do he was just killing time trust fun kid he sounds like one of those patent trolls like he's just out there being like yeah this could be a thing i'd invented it boom yeah this could be a thing boom he's just gonna be right like one in a hundred times and everyone's like this guy's a fucker jesus what about a guy with his arms stretched out and his legs out wide? But he's also kind of got them up high and then also a little bit down low. Like, is that something? Yeah, he invented Stretch Armstrong. Yeah.

Oh, man. Da Vinci would have loved Burning Man. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's who they uh dedicated to every year no he was more of a he was a gathering of the juggalos guy he's out there getting sprayed with fago at the new bill and ted's who does that happen in that i have no idea i haven't seen it i loved bill and ted's growing up but i haven't seen it it was good i enjoyed it all right yeah um what festival do you think uh who are the other who are the other greats michelangelo is more of a gathering of

the juggalos guy i mean michelangelo is a party dude touche that's right um the only other ones i know are rafael and donatella Yeah. I want to say Botticelli. Is Botticelli in there? Yeah, is Botticelli in there? Like the Warped Tour? What is Botticelli into? Well, did Botticelli do the Birth of Venus where she's riding on the clam? Yeah, where she's riding that clam.

That's very Warped Tour because there's like, you could be riding it on a half bike. Yeah, in a half bike with it for sure. Got a van sponsorship. Yeah. EE, what is that?c skate shoes yeah did you ever go to that did you ever go to an outdoor festival me yes yeah i've been to i went to edge fest like all through like high school lots of like our lady peace i'm other earth good band all that stuff um moist oh what's that moist was there moist there might have been back then i did not like moist when i was a teen boy i was like pretty boy and i also just didn't like the the name like moist like yeah it's gross i saw moist with i'm other earth uh and i lost my shoe and got it back in a mosh pit like five minutes apart.

Oh, wow. Were you politely asking people like, oh, my shoe, excuse me. I just need to get my shoe. This guy's hopping on one foot. Give him space. Yeah, let's all do it. What kind of shoe is it? He started a new race.

Yeah, to the screech. Everyone in the band, mother like our mother takes their shoes off and they're like yeah let's go throwing it out there and you're just like yoink thank you put it on that's cool they stopped one of the songs there's a shoe we've it was a shoe has been spotted it's just everyone's like it's crowd surfing but all the hands are going up and it's just a little shoe like yeah like bouncing around it belongs to dave all right back to the music one more astronaut and zap zim zoo to boat chat more chance to feel it all water and wine hey domino nice i like how happy you looked when you finished the uu uh yeah have you guys been to outside outside festivals and stuff

yeah of note not of note but i definitely have been to like where there's a central stage and like there was one what's it called like big country or high country or something it was in alberta and it was just a big stage and you know outdoor toilets the whole the whole shmoy is oh yeah you know getting like some sort of hoodie that you know like one of those hoodies that you'd see californians wear like a like a mexican style hoodie oh like one of those rug rug shirts or those things yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah not one of those oh yeah i was really into that yeah yeah i was really feeling it who was there who the, was there a musician of note? Um, I want to say that Sloan was one of the musicians on the bill.

And I think also one of the days was Tom Cochran was on the show. And, uh, nice. Yeah. And he, oh shit. He, during his set, he climbed up a bit of scaffolding and then seriously couldn't get down so he sang the rest of his songs up on the scaffolding and uh because he clearly i don't know what he was thinking the rest of his songs plural he was stuck like he yeah he was stuck up there wow you know they didn't give him the light yet for multiple songs and he left them up there for the other bands that came up he lost a shoe

we're gonna leave you in the sniper's nest i went to the um vancouver we used to i don't know if they do shows there anymore but the um uh plaza of nations oh yeah yeah uh they there when i was in high school there was a two-day festival there and the headliner night one was silver chair oh silver chair yeah yeah fat boy fat boy sorry i was just singing i was just singing a bit of silver chair a little bit of this um they were like they were like the alternative hansen they were like what hansen would it be if they went grungy and uh one of them worked at a record store and when they became famous he didn't quit his job and he had to be fired because people just coming kept coming into

the store and asking for an autograph and then walking up the store having not buying anything so that was that's the big silver chair news i have for you guys now what do you have for me i imagine them coming in for the autograph, and he's like, do you want a silver chair disc? I'm like, yeah, I'm good. He's like, we're selling the album. He goes, nah, all right. Yeah, nah. I don't need it.

Are we all going to give silver chair trivia? Yes, please. The lead singer was married to Natalie Imbruglia for a while. Oh, really? She was naked on the floor. She was naked on the floor. She was naked on the floor. She was naked on the floor.

Kevin, Kevin, what's your, what's your silver chair or Natalie Ambruglia story? Oh, I don't have a story. I mean, I remember having a crush on Natalie Ambruglia when that song, I'm like,

she's pretty. So pretty. I did watch that like that silver chair video recently and i was surprised by how young they were like when i was younger i think i don't know maybe i was their age or something they didn't seem that young but then watching the video with them and i'm like these are like yeah these are like kids it's really weird to see these like kids in in a crunch rock which um uh what video are you talking about uh i think it's that's that fat boy one.

Because it's a lot of swinging light bulbs and they've got their hair down. But I was like, really? They're kids. That one's called Tomorrow. Was there a guy with a pig face in that one? I think so, yeah. There may have been. I was remembering they had a video. They had a song called Freak.

There may have been. I was remembering they had a video. They had a song called Freak. I believe it was like, I mean, I know the first lyrics of the song were, no more maybes, your baby's got rabies. First draft, best draft. Let's go. The doctor hasn't figured out a diagnosis. It's like, okay, okay first thing let's get out of the way your baby's got rabies yeah no more babies and i don't mean maybe look silver chair guy you gotta

change the lyrics from chicken to chocolate the chinese chicken okay come up with anything else anything else okay your baby's got rabies great let's go with um but in the video uh it was i uh there was like a lady who was you know getting plastic surgery and silver chair is playing in this uh room that's like an oven basically like the walls are elements and they're sweating so much and then they take their young silver chair sweat and inject it into an old lady and she dies instantly she gets rabies yeah it was a euthanasia a video she goes back to her record store uh job and starts getting autographs the power of australian teenage boys yeah um did you ever like because back in the day

we used to have bands would play in like a record store did you ever go to one of those i did i went to i think i went to a show i remember going to a show at i think it was at the cbc office like a building downtown i think or might have been the peony no i don't know in high school i went and saw pluto remember that band pluto dave remember them oh yeah power pop band power pop band i think it was pluto i can't remember who else and i remember i i just vividly remember taking the bus in from towassen where i grew up with my friends uh including that friend who saw that guy's beer stick and we were on the bus i remember just like the joke that we had going was like pluto pluto then we just kept saying that like over and over again on the bus

yeah it's a fond memory now when teens are forging those memories in my presence i'm like shut the fuck up like i get like pissed when teens are just being so annoying they're having the best time of their lives and forging these memories that'll last forever and i don't i remember being on the bus and at the opposite end of the bus at the end of the bus uh one of a group of five guys was getting up and farting in front of the other guy's faces for the whole trip and they were laughed like they were scream laughing and crying they thought it was so funny they probably will remember that for the rest of their life he's just like doing it over and over again i mean at a certain point that's pretty funny

were you and if you were an adult at this time yeah that was an adult this was like two years ago and i it burned into my memory so i imagine how could they i yeah that's something like a very funny story but if i was there i would be so mad oh yeah i do not like actual farts no but i love hearing about them. Yeah, exactly. Do you know that Jayden got up and farted at all our faces? That was the best day. Those were the best times. Oh,

if we could just capture those, I'm good. I'm moving back in with my mom for this, you know, coming of coming of age story again and go back and find some people I went to high school with and just start farting in front of them. But they're like, we moved on.

And I'm like, what happened to me, dude? Yeah. It's a long dark night of the soul. I think it's cause, um, when you're young,

like going on the bus is fun and exciting. Yeah. And when you were growing up, it is not. Yeah. It's drudgery. And the, having a kid fart all over the place is like,

it's a self-contained vehicle. You know what I mean? Oh, it wasn't, it wasn't an open-air tour bus double-decker there's somebody dressed up as a beefeater being like what if every other bus was a tour bus or one of those duck buses that like goes into the river yeah i always wanted to go on that just like on a duck bus or like a party cruise. And there's just somebody doing that. You're like, Oh my God, shit.

There's still three hours left on this thing. Well, at least he's giving us the history of the city through far. It's the guy. I'm picturing somebody who's, who's trying to get to work on a party bus. Like he just waited at the wrong stop. It's the suit suitcase.

Take it as a little sudoku book ah geez god public transit's really gone downhill it seems like a mr bean sketch we said that to mr bean can we send that to him yeah um i don't know if it is i don't think mr yeah no yeah you're right he would end up on that yeah forget i said that to him. I don't know if it is. I don't think Mr. Bean... Yeah, no, yeah, you're right. He would end up on that. Yeah, he would end up... Don't forget I said that.

At a disco or something. I read an interview with Rowan Atkinson where he's like, I don't want to play Mr. Bean anymore. I was like, were you still playing Mr. Bean? What? Isn't that like the 80s that you played?

Yeah. Didn't it happen over like two years when you made 16 episodes? Yeah. And we saw them a thousand times. Okay, quickly go around the horn. Favorite Mr. Bean sketch. Oh, where he's getting changed on the beach next to the blind guy.

That's a good one. That's a fantastic one. One that sticks out in my memory is like the one where he's trying to do a test and he keeps trying to cheat off of another guy. I can't remember those specific gags, but I remember that's what I was going to say. The test. Yeah. Test is a pretty good one. He,

the whole thing, he's going through the test. He can't figure anything out. And then the, uh, the person supervising the test says there's another side or there's another test in the envelope. And so he pulls it out and that's the test he was there to write.

Yeah. Classic B. That actually kind of happened to me in high school i uh um i wore my tweed suit to my physics final you drove your mini i drove my mini i kicked over the three three-wheeled car and um uh no i just like wrote the whole physics test and i was agonizing over it and they're like all right like like five minutes left and i and then i turned to like the last what i thought was the last page and i could see the writing of another question like through the paper on the other side and i was like wait what and i flipped it over and i missed like 10 long answer questions and i was like like i started furiously trying to like figure out physics physics is not my

strong suit and i didn't get through it like bombed that provincial bad i managed to pass barely but like oh that was a nightmare. I'll never forget that immediate stress. I'm so bad at physics, I defy it. I like started defying gravity. Yeah, I did that. I did the David Blaine thing where I looked like I was levitating,

but I was really just on my tippy toes. Cut out the bottom of my shoe. How's this for an answer? Is that what he does? Nah, I don don't know it yeah he just does like dumb he just does illusions and stunts but like is he cut out the bottom of his shoe i just made that up i don't know okay i feel like that levitating one is just like standing on your on your tippy toes or there's some sort of thing yeah yeah it's really like you okay if you're gonna be watching, you have to be stand right there. Yeah.

Are you 5'11"? Okay, if you're 5'10", you can't watch me. Wait, wait, where's the sun? Yeah, and don't look at my shoes. Look more at my legs. Don't look down at my shoes. Don't look down at my shoes. Just kind of look.

If you do, don't get shocked. Take off your glasses. Take off your glasses. Cross your eyes. Here we go. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Not very much. I like Kevin. I'm go. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Not very much. I like Kevin.

I'm sober. Oh, yeah. For the month of January. For January? Oh, yeah. How's it going? Well, when this episode comes out, it's February 1st and I am so drunk. No, it's been fine.

Is it a regular thing? Like every year, do you do a sober January? No, I've never done it. I fine is it a regular thing like every year do you do a sober january no i've never done it i've never uh done a sober anything but i've never like i i maximum will have two drinks if i drink right so it's like just kind of like i don't feel any healthier i was like i won't drink for a month i'll lose 20 pounds oh totally yeah when i stopped drinking and i also stopped eating meat and dairy and stuff everyone was just like it was like oh yeah you must be like feeling good and healthy it's like no i still eat there's still lots of like vegan and alcohol-free chips and ice cream and cake and

pies and all these things like it's all out there um so so that's been fun uh i watched the have you watched the bgs documentary no is it good i think it's on crave okay okay or hbo and yeah it's oh it's okay only one bg is alive oh not barry yeah barry oh barry he's the one that's still alive okay classic barry living the longest like is is it a sad story what is their story i have no idea what their story is yeah it's uh because i only knew them growing up i only knew them as the disco band right but really like in the show it's funny because like two of them, uh, are dead. One of them's Barry and the two that are dead,

they were both like, they just use old interview clips of them from what I'm pretty sure was a VH one behind the music. And it's like, they're very like 1998 in like leather, uh, sport coats. Um, but they were like leather uh sport coats um but they were like uh yeah before they were um a disco band they were they had like tons of just kind of pop hits oh i thought you're gonna say like scum rock gg allen style yeah before they're just go they

were really just like into so like they would mutilate themselves on stage and stuff bgs used to stand for blood and gore yeah yeah like can you imagine talking to iggy pop about a bad gig that you had and him being like i used to roll around on glass and that was a good day um but yeah it was like uh like the documentary just you know goes through their their growing up and they were they always did music together and they had all these you know harmonies that nobody uh you like it was because they were brothers that they could have these harmonies and then um at one point i don't know if it was before uh staying alive but one of their songs around then uh barry just started singing in like a super high voice just for some for no reason like just being silly yeah and they

were like no that's great so like all of their music before that sounds completely different because he just did this silly voice that became wow that's what the bg sound like as far as i'm yeah yeah yeah oh my god i didn't know yeah yeah that that's like an option like i think i can't sing because i can't sing in my normal voice but maybe i could have a professional singing career if i was like it's like that's cool there it is that's cool. There it is. That's the jam. Um, I watched the movie, uh,

the sequel to Saturday night fever called staying alive. Oh, and a bunch of the songs were, uh, by the BJs, but they had a falling out with the director, Sylvester Stallone. So in the last kind of last weeks before shooting,

the person who stepped in for the bgs frank still on yeah that's a norm mcdonald joke and it was very much like if you're gonna make a movie you gotta bring your younger brother along with you he won't stop singing in here take him out of here take him to your movie set i can do that and so in the documentary, like it goes up until, uh, pretty much up until disco. And then there's like a big thing about people started to hate disco. Right. Yeah.

These like smash records or something. Yeah. There was one event where they did. And then they, uh, and then after that, it was just like, Oh,

like, even though that was, you know, 45 years ago that's pretty much the end of the documentary like they're like and that was disco and it never came back once disco ended it was like that's the end of the documentary the rest was just like text on screen this brother died and then this brother died and they were never relevant again until they died that's grim i i only hope to become relevant when i die and the total and the irony is they didn't stay alive

this is when he died this is when we thought they would stay alive forever after they made that song they broke their promise you know that was a that was a headline somewhere not staying alive you know like in the english press or something yeah yeah staying dead i guess was that just like a shy a shy boy staying dead i guess i'm like looking down making these jokes well i mean i don't know whatever i mean i i presume he'll stay dead but i mean like we can't tell at this time that's right we don't know the the biblical uh that when the that's from the bible right that people come out of the graves yeah and it's from a special night it's from a few things including disco disco is also going to rise from the grave at the same time anything that's dead is going to come back

but yeah it was uh it's fine i like i like me i think music documentary is my favorite genre of documentary yeah what's your favorite music doc what's at the top yeah i don't know um okay i mean the metallic the metallica one is really good oh the right i still metallica one is is a work of art yeah oh kevin you, you must watch it. It is one of the funniest things committed to a film. They're so crazy. Oh, okay. So crazy.

Okay. I just, it was on TV the other day, and I recorded Madonna's Truth or Dare. I haven't gotten around to that yet. There's a scene where they play in Canada And Canada's the only stop on the tour That's trying to get her arrested Cool Cool Boobs are too pointy

Like our whole country is a narc And Anne Murray should have played Evita Arrest her No, League of Their Own should have been about hockey Should have been about hockey hey what's your favorite music doc doc uh well it probably is that metallica one it's it's so good but another one that's actually like that i really like there's one about alice cooper called super duper alice Cooper and it's really good just because he's

like he was around like Salvador Dali was obsessed with him and he like hung out hung around the you know Grotto Marx and all this crazy stuff he was he was like a really weird guy. I thought you were going to say he hung around with the Muppets. He did he was on the Muppets

yeah but he didn't hang out didn't go play squash together let's go play squash together come on animal you got a lot of energy be my squash partner i ask you guys i i don't really i can't think of any music docs that i've watched off of hand which is why, yeah. It's really important that they, uh, like when they have a music doc, they usually have to get,

uh, uh, at least one of the musicians involved, like in the documentary, like either producing or whatever. And then it kind of ends up being, um, like biased, like, like yeah like right like what they're

this bg's documentary it's basically whatever barry wants the story to be right yeah yeah because otherwise they don't get the rights to use the music and then why am i even watching this yeah that becomes a vh1 behind the music but the uh but the the metallica one they don't come off very good and that's why i like it all right yeah it's so it's they're basically spinal tap oh and it's uh yeah it's it's really i think i've seen it twice i think that's the only music documentary i've seen twice is it called like some kind of woodstock some kind of wonderful some yes some kind of wonderful 40 days 40 nights it starts eric stoltz as james hetfield and leah thompson as lars it's called the color of night is that what it's called um um it's called some kind of monster i'm also watching speaking of things where they don't

get the rights of things right now i'm watching this three and a half hour documentary about the seattle mariners okay baseball team okay uh and they don't it's like it was made it's on youtube and it's all like these weird kind of like press clippings like they don't get any interviews with anyone there's very little footage the footage they do get is bad quality like it's from youtube is it just by some dad no it's it's really like a cool story told told in a very weird looking way it looks like it's all just like a big graphic that it zooms in and out of and like when they zoom in on the graphic, the graphic does not look good. It's all pixelated. You can see how jagged and...

See the watermark on it. Yeah, exactly. Getty images. But it's a very weird... It's like the very weird history of the Seattle Mariners. I'm enjoying it a lot, but it's not something I would recommend to people because I have to give it that kind of like well uh okay it's three and a half hours most of the time it looks like a powerpoint presentation from 1997 but i enjoy it um yeah i've i definitely watched a documentary

on youtube that's the same thing, where it's just gathering of... And it was also something stupid. It was like, why Lindsay Lohan can't get cast in anything? It's like, well, I already know this story, but I'm going to sit here and watch this anyways. Maybe there'll be some new info, you know? Yeah, I wonder, are there people who are seeing old... Watch Mean Girls and were like, oh, she's really good in this. I wasn't alive back then, so I don't know why she wasn't in more movies.

That's right. So where, I can find this on YouTube, this Seattle Marlins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. I'm interested. I'm interested. I don't remember the exact name of it, but it'll come up and you'll see thumbnails of it that look like a computer graphic

that someone made on Windows 95. Yeah. He starts with a 20-minute thing about recovering emails in Outlook Express, and then he's like, oh, yeah, and then there's this other thing. Yes. Anyway, so that's what I'm up to.

I'm watching documentaries. What's up with you? I also have been watching documentaries what's up with you i also have been watching documentaries and some not documentaries but i watched a really good one that was about dawson city up in uh the yukon and how they they discovered these like all these old films that nobody like people thought they were lost to time in like while somebody's excavating the thing they found all these like original copies of uh of films that toured all over the place and because Dawson City was the last yeah Problem Child was on there Problem Child

3 that they forgot existed yeah but like that's amazing the whole reason they had it was because they were the end of the line of where the films traveled and then they would call the distributor and be like so do you want this back and they'd be like no it's just trash like we're not coming to collect it so then they just mostly threw them in the river that's where most of the films ended up oh film film canister river oh thumbs down river that is fair like one star it's kind of like a wide open place yeah exactly like they could like they're not hurting for uh real estate for places to put it and just throw it in the river yeah so like that was their mining for gold their main magic managing was oh we'll just don't worry we'll throw it on the river like a good movie river yeah on the last night they're showing it just

hoop shot fade away fade away jumper to the river and then i watched a movie on netflix called the vanished and it is the craziest movie i've seen in quite some time it's uh it's directed by somebody who was in twilight so he wrote and directed it and it has i'm listening it has uh and hey she's in it that's the that's she's one of the leads and then i can't remember who the other guy is it's a it's a what genre is this like a kid goes missing is the but it's not a documentary no no no no this is a dramatic film and uh it's not a documentary with ann Heche as a witness. Strangely, I was there when this happened.

I mean, you Heche to see it happen. Anyone? A baby stolen from its creche? Here's Anne Heche. Thank you. Sorry. No, it's wonderful. Quickly going from fan favorite to

fan fuck off. Fan favorite to fan fuck off. Fan favorite to fan fuck off. The Anne Heche story. The Anne Heche story. The Vanished. I won't spoil it for anybody who wants to watch the movie, but the kid goes missing in like the first five minutes and within the first 10 minutes they've killed a hobo so it's how who has the parents

the parents looking for the kid wow yeah they thought he was a guy escaped from jail but it was just a guy out in the woods. And they shot him in his head. And then it just gets crazier from there. That's kind of the least crazy thing in the movie. Oh, wow. The vanished. All right. And you said it was directed by a kid from Twilight?

Oh, directed by Peter Facinelli. Yeah, he's from... He's not a kid. No, he was a kid in the Twilight, wasn't he? Yeah, well, no, he was a grown-up in The Twilight. He was in Can't Hardly Wait. Oh! He's also in this movie. He plays

a detective. It's wild. It's a type of movie that I could see people showing at midnight showings. People dressing up like characters. It's so... It's such a crazy movie i don't like i say i don't want to spoil anything about it but like i say within the first 10 minutes the the plot shifts

where did you hear about it why did you watch it i saw i was flipping through and it was just one of the the movies in like the thriller category and then i read a review and they were like this is the most implausible movie that's ever been written. Like, okay, yes. Like they, they couldn't, like, you couldn't count where the next, uh,

curve was. And it's true. Like every curve in it, not deserved necessarily, but just like, Oh my God, now this is happening. Sweet.

I love that. Yeah. Oh, no, no, go ahead. I was just going to say say i was listening to that the aaron reed episode and he talked about watching bad movies on teleparty and i'm part

of that part of that group so i'm definitely going to be bringing this vanished vanished movie up as yeah you'll be you'll be a hero because this is finally this tops the charts finally because i am i am that i'm wildly disrespected there they hate me i really need a big win and you've been suggesting like oh you know what's a really weird bad movie is um made in manhattan yeah it's so bad it's like bad no it's like what like you're watching you're like what's going on schindler's list it's like he's got a list i think you've got more important problems dude they're just like this is not what we want to be doing. Kevin, please don't.

Please stop this. Kevin, please stop. Yeah, so similar to Dave, I've just been watching. I've been watching movies. That's how I'm feeling at the time. I also went to Value Village and bought some pants. Not that that's a story that's old as time. No, but tell me about them why did you know

what pants you wanted when you know i was freestyle and shopping okay i was donating stuff to value village and then while i was donating a woman from the store gave me a coupon because i guess i because i was donating so then i had to use use my coupon. So, buy some pants. I bought, like, two pants that have never been worn before. Still have the tag around them. Whoa. Never been kissed. Never been pissed.

When the pants, even though they're brand new and, like, still have the tag on them, they still smell like they've got that funk to them. The second hand store funk well yeah they're they're breeding around no not necessarily breeding but they're hanging around the other pants yeah but like yeah whatever clothes clothing is donated it all just kind of gets like sprayed down with some something some stink yeah they just put in a room they let a skunk walk through it and then uh then yeah they do similar similar things skunk is first and then it's not the skunk but it's like there is a mustiness to like no matter what you get it all smells the same yeah it's it's a

uniform mustiness which is you know something you can count on in this crazy world. I know. That's good. I'm glad you can rely on that. Yes. Thank you. Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah.

Okay. Hey there, beautiful people. Did you hear that good, good news? Something about the baby Jesus? He's coming back. Or do you mean the fact that apple podcast is named fanti one of the best shows of 2020 i mean we already knew that we was hot stuff but a little external validation never hurts okay hosted by me writer and journalist jared hill and me the ebony entrantress myself, Travelle Anderson.

Fanta is your home for complex conversations about the gray areas in our lives, the people, places, and things we're huge fans of, but got some anti-feelings toward. You name it, we fanta you. Nobody's off limits. Check us out every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your slay-worthy audio.

I'm Jesse Thorne. On the next Bullseye, we've got the one and only Ted Danson. We'll talk about his new show, Mr. Mayor, about cheers, and about the secret to success in comedy. I mean, I feel like one of your signature comedic moves at this point in your career is gazing. You do a lot of interesting gazing. I also love this. Gazing. I love that. And if I'm not, I'm going to start because that's great. That's Bullseye. Find it on MaximumFun.org and PR.org and wherever you get podcasts. podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where in this day and age, not as easy as it once was.

But if you're lucky enough, send them our way to sbyatmaximumfund.org. We always like to start with the guest. Kevin, have an overheard i believe or an excuse over excuse guys i'm so sorry it was hot air ballooning and um no i was i was i was here in my apartment the other night as i am every night now uh and as i was before every night because i don't go out um and there was suddenly i could hear like some honking and tweeting outside and there was a goose with his little cell phone out he was tweeting um there was somebody with a recorder you know like the little recorder flute um just like a tweet like peeping out little peeps on it just like random notes and stuff so like it wasn't some sort of virtuoso out there to like you know cock of the walk it up it was just somebody who had a

recorder was going to town and then he stopped recording and went get up stand up stand up all your rights and went back to like people it was like it wasn't the song at all uh so that's pretty good he's out there you know fighting the revolution trying to lead the people to to turn over society and you know man, that's good. Wow. It just couldn't be beat. I was watching this. I was on Instagram,

and one of the suggested videos was from a jazz account, and it had this old-timey footage of a guy who is probably a very famous man who I don't know. But he had two saxophones around his neck and he was but uh that he wasn't playing it this time but he was playing a flute and uh you know playing the flute while the jazz band's going behind him and then he also lifted up a recorder and started playing that with his nose and like the flute sounded really good but then the recorder was just honk honk and then like right after he finishes that you just hear him go yeah and then back to the flute yeah it's about the notes i'm not

tooting out my nose like what's the thing you say like he was he was so uh like clearly uh talented and like a virtuoso but once you put a instrument in your nose it like becomes a bit of a side show yeah side show exactly totally um dave do you have an overheard i guess i do um this was said to me by my children um i have so we play this game sometimes uh called statues okay and the it's uh we we're this comes from there was a there's a kid's show called bluey that my daughters really love okay and there was an episode where they do this. And the way you play statues is I'm the customer. And one of them is a statue.

And the other one is the statue salesperson at the statue store. And I go in and I ask, like, oh, tell me about the statue. How much for the statue? I don't know. Where should I put the statue in my house? And so I end up buying the statue. And I bring the statue how much for the statue i don't know where should i put the statue in my house and so i end up buying the statue and i bring the statue you know somewhere in my house you know put it by the next to the couch and then the the big uh the fun part of the game is that then i turn around like i'm just gonna go sit over here and i will admire my statue but in the time it takes me to sit down the statue runs away and I have to be like, pretend I'm going crazy.

This is good. Like, I bought a statue and it ran away and then I'm mad at the salesperson. Anyway. This is good. It's basically an SNL sketch. So we were playing one day and I was pretending to be the customer and I knocked on the door and said, oh, hello, is this the statue store? And the first thing Margo said to me was other people bought all the gross statues. So all we have left is this very lovely one.

Nice. Nice. Nice. Natural born salesperson. We don't have any gross stuff here. Just. Just good stuff. good yeah that's what um you know restaurants do we sold out of all our gross food so please yeah please order off of this

nice menu yeah uh we're all out of stuff for the nasty menu but oh good news we've got a whole new menu goodness we sold all of our rancid meat. Yeah. But we've got fresh, good meat. Yeah. Still. And that's for you. You show up at the hospital. Oh, all the bad doctors have gone home.

And now we just have good doctors. We have the good doctor. We have the good doctor. Now, my... Did they shoot that here? Yeah, because I saw that guy. Like walking... Last year. um now my they shoot that here yeah because i saw that guy uh like walking last year or maybe the year before but whenever you could see somebody walking that's what i saw and uh i was like you don't forget a guy like that no no no he's our generation's doogie hauser um mine is uh courtesy of being at the thrift shop where i bought some pants uh there were two guys

there's a shelf of just bric-a-brac like all kind of wall clocks and weird old things like gadgets that need batteries and all this kind of stuff and there were two guys and the one guy picked something up there was a giant wristwatch that you would hang on your wall like it looked like a real wall and uh the guy who discovered it was so excited he was like holy shit a rolex and his friend said no it's a timex and he's like oh it's still cool though shit rolex he's so big in person yeah wow put it around his wrist this is why they're so expensive look at the size of this thing must belong to like a giant godzilla's rolex

king kong gives godzilla rolex for their anniversary. Yeah. Celebrating 50 years of loyal service. Loyal service. That's actually just passive aggressive because Godzilla was late for demolishing the city.

That's nice of him to give it to you. You'd think, but you don't know Kong. Yeah. You made us all late for work because you smashed the office building we were

going to be working in that day so we all had to reroute you smashed big ben we had no idea what time it was do you think people and i bet there was a time when people used to like set their watch to big ben oh yeah yeah because it was on whatever it's called greenwich meantime but the way now people set their microwave to their phone uh yes i do advice for so whatever my microwave is up to i set it to my phone all right phone it's 24 more seconds okay i guess it's one second o'clock weird but okay it's like left it there. The microwave reigns supreme. So we have overheard sent in to us an email

What's the least Pardon me, let me interrupt you. What's the least amount of time you would microwave something for? Are you both microwave owners? Yes. I am not. I wasn't for a long time and then I inherited one. And I think the shortest time, like it's got to be whatever is the minimum 30 seconds or whatever is the starter time.

Okay. But you can do, you can do, you know, sometimes I do, you know, eight seconds if I, if someone's riding a ball around. Yeah, Luke Perry's a ball uh if i need to time that but like if something's like a little bit i can't think of an example but like i guess if you maybe put something back in the microwave that's not quite melted enough yeah just give it a second shot in the arm kind of thing and the longest you would ever microwave something uh the longest was uh probably in high school i think i tried to like like defrost and cook something all in the microwave like i had a defrost cycle and then a cooking cycle and it just turned into like just gelatinous goo yeah yeah i mean i think in high school, our school did a thing where you all ran your microwaves for 24 hours for charity. Stand really close to it.

Together, we can get microwaves all over the planet. Yeah. For energy conservation awareness. That's right. Yeah. So, we also have written in overheards. If you want to send one in you can send it in to spy

at maximum fun dot org and this first one comes from Amit he's this is a kid say the darndest thing my seven year old was planning out how to carry a giant stuffy with him to school he was trying to carry it on his back in a large bag but

still had to figure out how to put it on his backpack. When I asked him how it was going, he managed to say, easy as pie. You don't know how pie works, Dad. Zing. Dad, you idiot. Where did I fucking, where did

they dig you, where did Mom dig you up from, Dad? This grade A loser yeah my dad doesn't understand pie pie is one of the most difficult pastries you call paul hollywood much doesn't sound like you do dad it's got to be flaky it's got to be buttery i like your sponge oh your sponge the jaconde um are you both watchers of that yeah i'll watch it if it's on yeah i just realized they have like all the seasons on cbc gem so i've been watching i really like the um noel fielding and uh sandy hosts or whatever it's like season eight is what i'm watching yeah i love it it's

like nice and peaceful and fun and nice i love it yeah everybody's nice there's no like suspenseful soundtrack that freaks you out like chopped that thing where it's like the symbol like sting like eight times in an episode can't do it well with my mouth but you know no you're doing it very well fern whenever like gordon ramsay did the kitchen nightmares they'd always have that weird horror movie sound that you know that one like whenever he's looking around yeah yeah they play it so often shwing whenever wayne's world was on they would always have that scary shwing sound um this next one comes from benji in hudson valley new york

was just in a liquor store in poughkeepsie guy walks in and asks the cashier you got a bottle opener the cashier replies i have a two dollar one a four dollar one and a seven dollar one there's a pause and then the guy says i don't know whichever is cheapest that seems like that seems oh this person swears it was true but that seems like a like a vaudeville bit or it's very sad yeah or it's incredibly sad and they're just like I don't know whatever it is they're just like oh fuck this last one comes from Ben B I assume in Los Angeles I was hiking

up to the Hollywood sign Benjamin Button yeah Benjamin might be Benjamin Button I was rapidly de-aging when I was an old man

climbing back into a womb when the old man doesn't go into the womb does it i don't know i haven't seen he starts out as an old man uh does he come out of the womb as an old man that's what i'm trying to figure out like i guess he does come out as an old man and then has anyone seen it no he comes out as like a little foam pill and they put a drop of water on it and he expands into an old man. What does he come out of as a foam pill? One of those claw machines.

Oh, okay. It has like a birth canal shaped... Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah. Nature's claw machine. Or one of those yeah like the things you put a quarter in and you have to like

turn it so long a little plastic ball filled with an old man old man pill a couple temporary tattoos those like what are they called

are they homies those homies dolls oh yeah i feel like my brother had a lot of the homies uh collectibles i mean they're probably worth millions of dollars now but do you remember the names of my just my mom gave me this big tupperware full of um ben b we're gonna get back to you over here in a minute um yeah yeah yeah um uh those those uh i got a hold of like a bunch of old stuff that my mom had been holding on to and one was like this tin full of these like little pink figurines that have like crazy they're like little muscle guys but they all have like different crazy like um outfits and one guy's got like a hole through his head and stuff do you remember those things and

what they're called i do remember them i don't remember what they're called but there would be like a guy who has a brick wall for a body yeah and like yeah yeah yeah i don't remember what they're called but that's exactly where you got them right wasn't it out of the that's what i'm trying to remember where did i get this yeah is it one of these guys yeah or they're just called muscle it's called mus like it's muscle but with periods in between them muscle muscle they're just called muscle it's called m-u-s like it's muscle but with periods in between them muscle muscle they're just called muscle or is it muscle men or yeah muscle figures muscle action figures all right that's where i got my unrealistic body standards i can't be a brick wall that's where i got my body dysmorphia from yep i can't have a hole through my head and

a fin on top of my head okay then under the weight of the fin all right sorry okay ben all right here we go ben b he's hiking up to the hollywood sign with my partner as we were going up we passed two women coming down as we passed i heard one woman say to the other she had a mimosa so big she could barely stay on her horse like they have a cup holder on this horse that mimosa bring the horse to the brunch spot are we assuming she's drinking it while riding the

horse I think she's so drunk from the mimosa that she can't stay on the horse or maybe there's like a brunch spot where instead of chairs they have horses our mimosa served in

like uh feed bag champagne in troughs I thought it was like originated as like a thing you'd feed a horse Mimosa's served in like, uh, Feedbags? Champagne. In troughs? I thought it was like, originated as like, a thing you'd feed a horse. Just a leftover champagne and like a brunch trough. Yeah.

Have you ever had a mimosa? I guess everyone, I'm going to guess we all have. Yeah. Have you ever, like, loved it? No,

I mean, I've listed it. Like, it's fine like it's nice but but it's not you're not building something around it it's very like the whole thing is like you're eating breakfast and you're getting drunk and that's like so novel like usually it's like eating pub food and getting drunk but no we're eating eggs we're outside on a patio yes we're gonna have this like let's get wasted yeah this thing like you wouldn't have like like a scrambled egg and like bacon and stuff and then like two fingers of scotch you gotta have something that seems breakfasty and like nice yeah sunshiny although they do like they'll i don't know i guess they probably they don't really do beers and

breakfast do they uh no but if you're in vegas they probably you can get wasted at breakfast we'll never know because what happens there is no one talks about yeah completely undocumented there was there was something that was like i was like a commercial for food and it said like whatever's in there stays in there. I can't remember what the fuck it was. Clams or something? It was a commercial for food. I don't remember what. Maybe clams? Commercials for clams?

Just for the clam council? Clams! People rollerblading, sucking on clams. Clams! And there's like, you know, the clam wars are on right now. The two major clam manufacturers are battling it out. And the winner is us, the consumer, the clam consumer. For one, I'm glad they're not clamming up about the clam.

Moving on. About clams. They set out a clam, like, you clams they set out a clam like a you know they had a clam taste test and you know you could see which brand of clam you preferred i like clam classic yeah did you guys ever do the pepsi challenge oh yeah yeah as many times that they'd let me as many fake beers as i had when i was a kid no i went i did it multiple times it like i was always seemingly somewhere where they were doing the pepsi challenge i did it at a splashdown like a water park water slide park yeah i did it at slashdown as well

hey all right maybe we maybe we went head to head i don't know mouth to mouth maybe we did and i think i did it at a mall like and i i think i definitely did it multiple times like so many times at least three times where i was like well i i feel like if i get if i guess pepsi i'll make the people happier like if i like say i prefer this this one but i can tell it's pepsi like i'll make i'll score points with whoever is running the pepsi challenge yeah but stop following me around and setting it up right in my walking path did you have a pepsi challenge thing graham yeah yeah yeah and i think i what did you win you got like a t-shirt or something if you i think it was just like a uh yeah not it was like a prize like one of like you got to you know draw or open an envelope or something it wasn't always the same thing to open one of their mail

i got a poster from uh indiana the Last Crusade, I remember. And I kept trying to do it to get more and more of the posters that I think were emblazoned with Sprite or 7-Up or one of those other... Really? Yeah, yeah. Because I remember I kept... Indiana Jones chugging down a Sprite? Yeah.

And Sean Connery spraying the Sprite with his thumb over the end at all those seagulls. Oh, man. spraying the sprite with his thumb over the end at all those seagulls um oh man what like uh that scene where he throws a bottle of uh of sprite at a nazi and then shoots it in the air and explodes and knocks them into the pit indiana jones pours some pepsi on a nazi in his face mouth that's actually probably not good advertising they pour a little bit of pepsi into the into the chalice at the end and take a sip oh yeah i guess that's the taste of a new generation of christians well i do like the idea of a movie that has that has like corporate sponsorship and it's their cut

of the movie like 30 really yeah but then it's like the mug root beer cut i think that like that it's it's the last crusade where the guy chooses the the wrong chalice and then yeah like if he had chosen a coke and then like his his skin goes away and his hair goes all there goes all cokie yeah super cool in addition to overhears that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one

spy pod one like these people have hey Dave Graham and especially this is guests this is Melissa from California people have. Hey, Dave, Graham, and socially distant guests. This is Melissa from California. My son is at a tennis lesson

and we were walking around waiting for his lesson to start and one of the instructors was giving a private lesson to a teenage girl. She was around 14 and he said something along the lines of, I call this hand George and this hand Washington. And she went, what? George Washington sucks.

And they started debating George Washington. And before his lesson started, she was like, he made so many mistakes. And so his lesson started, I walked away, and I walked back about 10, 15 minutes later. And the guy goes, yeah, well, he only loved one woman, and after that, he never married again. I'm still debating, and she goes, after a pause,

see, no one liked him. I love teenagers. They're so obnoxious. All right, off I go Oh boy I think this might I do like that there's a new generation of kids That are like George Washington sucks

Yeah he sucks And his wife died on him on purpose Just to get away from him I also like the I realize this wasn't her overheard But her sign off of off I go is a good one I think I'm going to start employing that one. That's a stop podcasting

yourself classic. That's our catchphrase. Oh, gosh. Well, I'm sorry. I feel embarrassed now. Well, no, it's fine. No one expects you to listen, Kevin. I can't listen to myself, and then I can't listen because then I compare myself to the other. Right. here's your

next phone call hey david and graham and probably a guest this is robin from austin texas uh i just remembered this pre-pandemic overheard i was walking around by the college around here and there's this guy handing out buddhist literature i think and he's asking everyone how do you want a book and the guy in front of me when he gets out he says oh no i'm cool and then the guy goes oh you're cool unless you collect records you're not cool hey i had a great day i think yeah it, it's true. It's the only way to know for sure that somebody's cool is a record collection.

Coolest guys are always the guys at garage sales going through records. They're always the coolest. I thought you weren't cool unless you peed your pants. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I know I'm not cool because I don't have any records because i just kept going to the record store to get the guy from silver chairs autograph

and then they fired him sad that day sad day when he did but i do have all of his records no more babies okay your baby's got rabies that's just like an insistent doctor it's like your baby has got rabies that's just like an insistent doctor it's like your baby has rabies maybe no

I'm saying your baby has rabies maybe no more babies your baby has rabies like that the end sorry

cut that out cool digression did not hit with anyone Kevin it hit it's just a lag man it's a lag the lag of my life here's your final

overheard hello Dave and Graham and Dave again this is Scott from Madison calling in with an overheard I was just picking up some Chinese food from a place nearby, and in front of me there was a grandmother and a grandchild. And she placed an order, and that included an egg roll.

And the kid ran up saying, Grandma, can I have your egg roll? And Grandma said, Oh, honey, I don't think you'd like an egg roll, but you're welcome to try it. And then he said, Yeah, you're right. I'd die before I'd eat an egg roll. Well, off I go.

Now that I've mulled it over, I'd rather die. Yes, I'd give you an egg roll or give me death. There was a guy on an episode of Chopped that said he would rather lose both of his legs than come second place on Chopped.

Does he think Chopped is where they chop off your legs? Yeah. Second place, you get chop off your legs yeah second place you get sorry about your legs now get

walk out of here on your hands how did he do uh he didn't come in first and there go he probably got his

legs chopped off that was yeah that's what he said he was gonna do and he did it amen they don't put

liars on chopped uh kevin that brings us to the end of this here program oh gosh that's fun passed by so quick yeah this has been such a delight thank you for being a guest no thank you for having me it's always a pleasure and always a thing that I will replay in my mind immediately after. Sorry. But every week, every Sunday night, you and the Sunday service folks do an online show. Where do people go? Where do they go to get access to this?

You can go to YouTube.com and search the sunday service improv and they have a channel there um we usually promote the link uh to the specific show um that week on our social outlets um but we have a bunch of old episodes um uh still up there as well and i'll say like like with you guys you can get guests that we can't normally get. So we've had Paul F. Tompkins on the show multiple times. We've had a really fantastic improviser, John Gibro-Tattiosi and Elisa Rodriguez. And we've had just a bunch of people guesting with us. Yeah, so super fun.

And if you join live, Dave is really working that bomb. Yeah, he's really getting in there with the there's a really like lit chat uh room on the on there so you can chat away with other people watching the show which is fun um yeah nice check that out oh i'm sorry did you was uh distracting when i was putting on lip balm for 35 seconds yeah i had to keep on just like your commitment to the bit uh well thanks again kevin and uh thanks to you all out there listening uh please uh stay safe take care of one another and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcast to yourself. I was thinking about if you could have a meme put on your like on your tombstone,

what meme would you want? I would do the couple where the guy's looking back and it says on the girl he's with life. And then the woman he's looking at is death. And I'm Graham. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.