Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 675 - Evany Rosen

Episode Date: February 23, 2021

Comedian Evany Rosen returns to talk flowers, sledding, and teen fights.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 675 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I'm willing to bet this past weekend went walking in a winter wonderland, Mr. Dave Shumka. Save it. Yeah, I did. It snowed and I have nothing else to talk about. So when it's my turn to talk we'll talk about that right okay so don't make me talk about it now um but it snowed it was really nice uh loved it this is like uh this is a coming attraction now you set up like something people

will have to listen yeah people are like damn dave it snowed where dave lives oh i want to hear him talk about walking in a winter wonderland. Yeah, exactly. When you heard that song growing up, by the way, it is, it's a Christmas song, but it doesn't have to be. Yeah, it doesn't mention Christmas at all. It doesn't mention Christmas at all. It, frankly, it's not a winter wonderland where I live until usually january february um uh when i first heard it i thought uh in the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that he's parson brown

i thought parson brown was a famous parson i thought it was like some famous guy that i don't know about but he sounds like a news anchor from like a regional newscast i'm parson brown take it easy do you remember the the 90s spoof song walking around in women's underwear no and it was um uh we could build a snowman and pretend that she is Murphy Brown. Nice. This is good. Later on, if you wanna, we can dress like Madonna. You couldn't get away with that stuff now. No, that's true. Yeah.

Everyone's so triggered. Our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast. If you haven't seen it already, she has a fabulous show on Crave called New Eden. It's Ebony Rosen, everyone. God, hi, guys.

Happy winter wonderland. Thank you. It's like we say, it doesn't happen often, but when it does, boy, do we relish it. It's a big event in Vancouver when you get a little bit of those white flakes. God's dandruff. Yeah. God's dandruff. Yeah. God's dandruff. I like that.

Should we get to know us? Yes. Get to know us. Evany. Yes. Thank you for being our guest once again. Thank you for having me. Missed you guys.

It's great to be back. Yeah. How, you know, obviously it's great to be back yeah how uh you know obviously it's not the best of times but how have things outside of the obvious uh horribleness how things been going but also feel free to talk about things inside of the horribleness oh sure absolutely no one talk about this elephant in the room uh it's great i'm going out a lot seeing a lot of people uh reviewing restaurants we want to make this evergreen yes that's great i'm going out a lot seeing a lot of people uh reviewing restaurants we want to make this evergreen yes that's important i think um other than being so bored i'm fine

yeah yeah what's it do you have any boredom killers or is it just boredom all the time always at the start of covid because i haven't talked to you guys in a while. At the start of COVID, I went puzzle mental. Okay, yes. And I've never done a puzzle in my life before this. And I was taking them down. I was constructing all kinds of scenes. You had never done a puzzle before now? No.

I think, I mean, actually, as an only child, you'd think that my childhood would have been nothing but puzzles. But actually, no, there wasn't like, oh, we're at the cottage, like make the kids do something. Here's a puzzle because it was just me. So I never did them. But turns out I'm very into this sort of quiet visual game. What kind of puzzles are we talking here? What type of scenes are we looking at? I got very into like a color blocking situation because I feel like that makes it fun but not too hard so anything that's like

oh it's a bunch of shells but as you go across the shells the color changes a bit i did some ornaments some toy cars anything where they're just just clearly for simpletons where just the color slowly changes over the course of the puzzle. What's your size? You do a 500, a thousand piece? I was really crushing the 500s. And then I got confident and bought like a bunch of thousand piece puzzles. Tried one, was too hard.

Have several puzzles in the closet I have not done. Yeah. How do you get rid of a puzzle? You got to have a friend that loves puzzles. You know what I do is I friend that loves, you know, what I do is I, cause I, every year at Christmas, I do a few and I,

I post a like a Instagram videos of, Hey, check out this puzzle I'm doing. And then people will be like, Oh, that's cool. And I'll just be like, you want it?

You can have it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Cause it's not, I don't know. I'm not a puzzle guy,

but you only put it together once, right? There's no, it doesn't feel fun again. Breaking up. Yeah, because it's not, I don't know, I'm not a puzzle guy, but you only put it together once, right? There's no. It doesn't feel fun again. Breaking up. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not a puzzle guy either, but I, because I have zero patience. If I don't see the right piece instantly, I get mad.

I was like, I had a very quiet December. I was like, I had a very quiet December. Like I was really, you know, digging into my quietness. And I did several puzzles around the holidays. And I watched The Queen's Gambit and The Crown. And it was just like shows about people. I said, shows about people sitting quietly yes you've got a real you've got a real my grandma kind of way of spending time and then i was doing a thing sitting quietly and then i looked it up and there is a movie that i should

probably watch called i think it might be called puzzle and it's about it stars Kelly McDonald from Trainspotting and Boardwalk Empire scripted movie a scripted movie about she maybe enters a puzzle competition I'm like I'm gonna watch it I don't know where to find it but bring it on

of puzzle yeah everyone's really hot 27 in high school and fucking puzzling that feels like a documentary premise at best like that feels like okay it was like about jigsaw puzzles at a competitive level like the movie about like scrabble or crosswords okay but a scripted movie about jigsaw puzzles which honestly anyone can do that isn't yeah vision impaired i wonder if there are like um tactile puzzles like braille oh sure i bet there must be um i uh watched a movie or the end of a movie the other day that the whole premise was based around

it being a leap year it was called leap year and uh but that that's not a hard enough premise to hang a whole movie on but there's a sequel every four years and it's not fun is it called leap year or leap day is it the amy adams one yeah is it called leap day i don't know i don't remember and i saw graham and i have the same channels that the show classic movies yeah is this a classic movie well it was i mean the decades it goes by decades so that was a classic of the 2000s and then all through like the the day leading up to valentine's day it was all romantic movies kind of and like terms of endearment and yeah yeah well the one with the dingo that was one of the ones really like yeah yeah yeah what is that called the cry in the dark or something i don't know this movie

have you seen it either i just know the line the dingo ate my baby yeah it's meryl street and i and the dingo was actually nominated for an oscar starring the dingo as himself nominated for an oscar starring the dingo as himself meryl got robbed that year yeah they went they really split the vote by submitting them both for best actress um evany uh do what's your favorite like rom-com what's your favorite romantic movie it doesn't have to be a rom-com. It could just be a straight up rom. Just a hard rom, no com. That's how I like it. I think my, like, this is not a funny answer. It's just a great movie.

Moonstruck will always be my favorite rom and com. And I realized this year, watching it sadly in the bath in the afternoon, that it is a Christmas movie. I sort of forgot that about it. is a christmas movie yeah um yeah uh i'm too afraid to watch a movie around water but you've you've somehow conquered that fear well i got a nice setup where my toilet can really hold an ipad in a way that makes me feel just cosmopolitan um it really dialed it yeah there's gonna be an accident but so far can your ipad is plugged in can an ipad electrocute you yeah like to death probably or back to life if you're frankenstein oh sure what i've been doing is i um i i project them when i'm in the bath. I project a movie onto my toaster that I'm holding.

Yeah. Moonstruck is I only watched it for the first time, like a couple of months ago. And it's so great. And it's like Nicolas Cage before he went like haywire, although he's pretty haywire in it. He's haywire, but in a way that like,

it's such a rare Nicolas Cage moment where you're like, oh, it works here. Like you're supposed to be a bit silly and you have a wooden hand. Like this works for what you're doing. In a way. He has a wooden hand in that movie? Yeah, yeah. This is his whole thing.

He blames his brother for the loss of his hand in a bread slicer. That's right. And he works in a bakery, right? So she slaps him in the face. He can't slap back. He's got the wooden hand. He could, but it would be a dark midpoint. Real bummer act two.

You said that it's your favorite rom, and also, is it your favorite film? I don't know if it's my favorite film of all time, but in the rom-com, Cat, it's definitely my favorite. Nice. That's a good pick um so what uh did you do anything for uh the valentine's day this this past weekend nothing nothing have you have you ever no and you know what james is a wonderful boyfriend very sweet and like i think has a sense of like for the home listener evany's boyfriend is james wood james woods he's so sweet you guys i know he's a bad rap and it's really weird our age difference but he's so sweet actually he's actually really loves valentine's day it's so nice um you've never you've never done anything to celebrate a valentine's no we have but he's like

um you know james woods the actor is a huge he's he's a very romantic guy um so he always like we always do something but um this year we just didn't he got me flowers and a card that was very funny that was kind of looked like sort of it was decorated with denim it was like a denim themed valentine's day card yeah it was really on brand for me who loves my jeans um that's how you guys met right over a period yeah we drew we grabbed for the same pair of Levi's and me and James Woods are so petite yeah we have the same size um same same size same rise so it's been history ever since um I I like I every year I get flowers for abby and i but i order them up you know you look up a local flower company or like a local florist and they just send you to some website some national

website right that handles it and that presumably it comes back through the florist and they get them i don't know how it works is that what is it called ftd is that the big um and they get the money. I don't know how it works. Is that, what is it called? FDD? Is that the big, um, it's like the last name. And I use DTF. Well, that's what flowers are for. Maybe they always work.

Uh, this guy's got marriage, a dialed. Okay. And they give you a little box where you can write, you can type what you want in the card. And, uh, one time I just wrote the lyrics uh from the the night of the roxbury song what is love baby don't hurt me

don't hurt me no more whoa whoa whoa whoa and i just typed all that out and someone had then like someone hand wrote that in the card and uh delivered it but we've never like i've never um beaten that like it's now it's always just like they print out whatever i type yeah um you should just say that you should say they're printing out whatever i type oops look what you made me do i wasn't paying attention uh sorry i love you yeah i hope i'm gaslighting a teen right now at their first job i love you i guess love dave i love you i guess love i guess i guess i actually had a weird experience earlier this year i like i found a local florist because there's a weird

area near our apartment um on avenue road in toronto that's called like florists row and there's like three flower shops side by side yeah what a weird thing um but i found one of their websites and you could order off it directly because i my experience has always been this kind of dtf route um it's bouncing around the internet for you to get that sweet we all know what it is um but i managed to do it through their website and i ordered flowers for my mom for her birthday and we were able to like go they live in toronto so we were able to go like see them then and sit outside so i ordered them to my house and i had put in that it was like for a mother's birthday and it was like Flora's

choice and then what came and I have to send you a picture after because I texted this to so many people to be like is this insane what I got for what I put in because it was like it looked like something for like that your aunt gets you for a graduation

like it was like red roses and then like these like weird cabbage kind of plants. And that's all it was. And it didn't look cheap. Like it looked nice. But I was like, this seems like either romantic or like my mom celebrating like a teen milestone in a way that feels really inappropriate. I can't even imagine that there are grown-up and child flowers. Like, there's different flowers for different stages of your life.

Like, I can't picture what you're talking about. I feel like a kid would get, a kid would go crazy for, like, a daisy. Crazy for daisy. Kids are famously crazy for daisies. And then middle of life is, you know, like tulips and whatnot. And then, sure. And what are the death flowers? Oh, lilies.

Aren't lilies the go-to death flower? I don't know. I think so. They stink. Do they? That's to cover the smell of the bodies. The bodies? How many bodies are at this one store?

I don't know, but let them hit the floor. It is weird that there are, because in Vancouver, there are a few neighborhoods that have like a concentration of one kind of store. Right. of one kind of store. Right. There is like, I don't think it's so much anymore, but there used to be at Forth and Burrard,

there were like five places to get ski and snowboard stuff. Five? Yeah, there was, maybe five. Yeah, there was quite a few. There was the boardroom. There was West Beach.

There was Comore. There was, oh boy, I feel like there was even, some of them were like two. Like some store. Someone knows who snowboards listeners. Some of them had like an annex as well. And then on Broadway, it was like outdoorsy.

It was Gore-Tex Row. Yeah. And then there was this crazy corner on West Broadway that was all the the printing shops so it would be like a kinkos and a fedex and then a couple independent shops so that was the the real print off your essay yeah yeah yeah yeah that's where you miss most in covet i bet yeah i mean i do some but it's not the same yeah graham Graham and I are both printer owners. Yeah. Do you own a printer? That's so exciting.

I do. It's a very low key printer. It just prints black and white. It doesn't scan. It doesn't photocopy. It gets the job done though, damn it. It gets it.

It's about as boring as a, as a group conversation about what kind of printers you own. I would say what my printer is. People are listening to this one. Oh, yeah, this one's good. We're really funny, so. Yeah, Graham, what kind of printer do you have? What brand do you have?

It's a Hewlett-Packard, and when it's done printing, it does a little bell. Oh, yeah. Oh, cute. So I'll print some stuff just to hear that sound, you know, that'll be that'll be an afternoon for me. Puzzles are too boring, but not this. Just very small.

Hi, Graham. I was speaking of high school flowers. Did you go? Did you go to grad? Did you go to whatever it was called at your school? Is it grad? Yes. Believe it or not, gentlemen, like many improvisers before me,

I was the valedictorian. Were you really? I really was. How? Wow. Valedictorian is, is that an elected position or is it purely grade point average?

No, it was elected. I would not have been selected from a grade point average perspective. I see. Because I know on Saved by the Bell, Screech was the valedictorian. R.I.P. That's right. grade point average perspective. I see. Because I know on Saved by the Bell, Screech was the valedictorian. R.I.P. That's right.

Freshly R.I.P. I wonder what kind of flowers were at his funeral. Okay. Please tread lightly. Sorry, Dave, I forgot how specific this is to you. Yeah. But he had the highest grade point average, but he declined it so Jesse could be valedictorian

ah way in the school that's the most beta move the school of five children now like so you put in because i also put in for valedictorian did not get it but another guy named graham got it so half points to me thank god yeah what did your speech what did it entail what was the theme what was the feel of it i don't remember what i do remember and this is very embarrassing this is the only thing i remember about my valedictorian speech um for some reason the song the techno, I think we all remember Sandstorm. Yeah. It was like an... I can't hit those high notes anymore like I used to.

Oh, you still got it. It's beautiful the way you did that. I loved it. But that song that Dave just sang, Pitch Perfect, it was for some reason an inside joke in my grade. And I don't remember why couldn't tell you but first i had teed up i brought a boombox with me and the end of my speech was gonna be like teeing up this joke and then i was gonna play sandstorm and all my dad had to do was buy new batteries for the dad you bastard i know how this ends because i had it paused because like the the

tee up to sandstorm is so long that if I tried to play it from the beginning it would have been like a joke that as an adult comedian actually would have probably been funnier to play the whole lead up but I was 17 and didn't know that so I wanted it to start when it kicks in so I had it paused during my whole speech

so I could blast it at the end of course the batteries had died and then I just had to vamp for a while at the end of the speech and kind of explain to a church full of girls because I went to an all-girls school and all the girls were made to wear white at the graduation which bit disturbing in retrospect so these like white clad white girls and their parents in a big church in Toronto and me explaining the techno song that would have played if my dad had come through is how I just sort of remember that fever dream ending I remember there was a I feel like it was like New Year's Eve in Helsinki and Darude was playing

it was playing New Year's Eve in the town square and it was that kind of thing of like they had all the build-up uh for like the two minutes leading up to midnight and then it hit right at what you counted down from 10 or in in finnish glorp Glorp. Glorp. Gloop. Bleep. Blorp. Bomb. Floor. Floor. Food. New. Crew.

Blop. Blorsh. And it just, that's when it drops, right? And they just, the footage, the people are going nuts. It looks like the, maybe the happiest anyone's ever been. That's what my graduation would have been like if my dad wasn't with such a fucking deadbeat. Church would have been like if my dad wasn't with such a fucking deadbeat. Church would have gone nuts. I am as a dad.

I'm now a dad. And I am prepared at all times. I have a freezer full of batteries. Yes. Yeah. We were also. Oh, and you know what? I think we were a family that didn't keep our batteries in the freezer.

They were in the junk drawer. But I remember my friend was a battery fridge guy. And I was like, even as a kid, I was like, I think this is an urban legend that they live. You know what? It might be. Like, if they do, like, if it's so important to keep them in the freezer, why are they not in the, like, why don't you buy them in the freezer at the store? Like, why doesn't the store keep them in the freezer? But it's very convenient if you're switching out batteries and you're like, oh, wait, which ones were the old ones?

The warm ones were the old ones. The cold, like. These ice cold beauties are full of juice. Yeah. It seems like a bad thing to keep by your food. Right. Yeah. Now that you say it. Not great. Yeah. It seems like a bad thing to keep by your food. Right. Yeah. Now that you say it.

Not great. Yeah. Oh, we have a separate. This is just a blood freezer. Blood and batteries. Yeah. Do you remember? Boy, I guess it mattered more to people.

I don't know why this was a trend and then stopped. mattered more to people i don't know why this was a trend and then stopped but those batteries that you could like see how much juice was left on them by like squeezing two little yeah things on the side you remember this evany or you look like i vaguely do i feel like it was like in a sad way something i saw in a commercial and was like wish my parents would buy those and then they didn't it's got off-brand dura cells yeah exactly i had like when i was a kid we had like rayovac was one yeah battery we never got the sexy batteries as was proved at the 11th hour of my grade 12 graduation what did he how did he make it up to you or did he he not? He did not. He said, we're paying your tuition for university.

You're fine. You're fine. You'll never talk to these people again. You'll come back from this. You're learning his Spritz. It's good. He didn't say that. What does a grad look like when it's an all-girls school?

What do you do after valedictorian speech? What kind of celebration is there? There was, I remember we had to go back to the garden of the school and have a tea with our parents. Nice. Was this the kind of school where you had to like walk with a book on your head to make sure you had good posture?

It seems like it, the way I'm describing it, honestly, I think it probably was when it started and then they thought no it's the 90s release this is the school that the the the baseball players from a league of their own went yeah but i got a hell of an offbeat pitch so thank you branksome uh yeah no it was that vibe uh so there was a tea then, but then we had like a grad party that we organized where we could invite our boyfriends from boys' schools.

And I remember by the time I got there, I was so drunk because you could, like, you could drink there if you had ID and I had a fake ID, but I was so drunk that I just confidently handed the bouncer just my student card that very clearly stated I was 17. And he was like, yeah like yeah okay you get a green bracelet you can't drink oh right the bracelet system i remember that it was a bracelet system but like very uh easy to game the the you know like you just go to like a dollar store and get a bunch of bracelets and then i mean i haven't had to do that in a long time and i'm looking forward to the next time that you do that i know i hope they added

top end age restriction for you're too old to be served yeah if there's like a vaccine rollout that's for like oh yeah you you could probably like get a i don't know a 60 year old bracelet yeah i would remember getting those bracelets at the wave pool. That's how you knew that you were supposed to be in the wave pool? I'm not sure. All I got at the wave pool was fingered. Whoa. Where?

In the pool. But like deep end, shallow end. I'm just trying to get a visual doesn't a water park seem so gross to you now although dave you're a dad so i guess maybe you've had to sort of i haven't well no the last time i went to a water park was before i had kids but it was with all my family all my brothers and sisters had kids by then and so uh we went to great wolf lodge oh yeah and it was the all the kids were a little too young to enjoy it it was a little bit too crazy a little bit too um intense yeah and uh abby and i had no kids at the time and had the time of our lives. We loved it.

Except for the fact that the hotel and the waterpark were attached and so every part of the hotel just reeked of chlorine. But see, to me, that doesn't reek. That's like a beautiful smell. That chlorine smell. Smells like fun. You know? I don't mind it.

Ebony, do you have a scent that's like not conventionally uh thought as a nice one but you actually have a fondness for it i've always loved the smell of like pumping gasoline yeah i hear a lot of people love the yeah because it's something does it remind you of something or is it just the smell itself it reminds me of just being a kid and being like this smells so good. What is this? Hasn't changed. Yeah.

Get a cup of that. Yeah, man, man. When you were a kid, were you ever allowed to fill up the car? No, I was never. No one ever let me pump the tane. Me neither. But James does now. I didn't even, I wouldn't even want to. Like when you just brought that up, I was like, I made a face.

Like, has any kid ever pumped gas yeah like i feel like when i got a car the first time that i drove to a gas station i was like oh boy i am out of my depth here yeah yeah i'm not sure how to do this i don't know what button to press it's like the first time you have to do laundry where you're like, I mean, it seems simple, but what's fabric softener? Is that important? I still ask that question. Yeah. Do you use it?

No, I don't know what it's for. Well, I don't think it's, I think it probably works in one way or another, but I feel like it's all marketing. They're just trying to get you to buy another blue liquid. Yeah, but also just buy softer fabric is the key. Don't buy so many burlap sacks. Stop wearing old timey cotton and

get with the program. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Graham only buys really old cotton. He's like, this is this cotton's from Antebellum. I'm like, that's really uncool, Graham. It's really, it's a lot of problems with where this came from,

the kind of red flap exposing your butt all the time at the back. It's a real confluence of bad, bad politics. For a while, Graham was asking me to call him man antebellum. It's because I went to that concert and everything flowed from there. I thought, why do women get to take up this space? Why is this about the ladies? This is for me now. Did they change their name?

Did they pull the chicks? They did. They did. Yeah, well, they called themselves Lady A. There was already a singer named Lady A who was a woman of color and they were like we're gonna sue you we're gonna take your name i forgot about that antebellum we missed the point of why we did this also just shortening it to lady a doesn't like if you if i shorten my name to graham c it still stands for Clark.

It doesn't. Oh, that's true. Yeah, you're still going, I think you know what I mean. That's right. Is Lady Antebellum, they're a band. Do you know their songs? I couldn't name one. No.

Down South, it's fine. Don't't worry that's where i got fingered yeah uh dave got fingered parts one and two in the deep end down south deep end i think is one of their big hits yeah down south deep end uh uh you know seven to three which was their version of nine to five uh Oh, sure. Well, you got to keep those farm hours. Well, that's what daily savings time is for, isn't it?

Yeah. I'm on farm hours. It's a new diet. You wake up early and eat a bunch of eggs. Have all the gluten you want, but. I Googled them just now. They're the,

uh, it's a quarter after one. I'm all alone. And I them just now. They're the It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now. Got it back. He's got his falsetto back. There's the head voice. That's not falsetto. That's true set up.

There's the Shumka head voice. True set up that we know and love. Yeah, I feel like that whole change like cause the Dixie Chicks they knew what they were naming themselves after

that wasn't a that wasn't a revelation after the fact they were naming themselves after Dixie Cups the like little just paper disposable cups

I guess that makes sense now that I think about it yeah um yeah they were sponsored right by they were sponsored, right? They were sponsored by Dixie. Yeah.

Have you ever been to a concert that was sponsored by somebody? Because I feel like Taylor Swift had one that was sponsored by Revlon. But I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess the Vans Warped Tour is pretty close to that, because it's Vans all the time. You're so, what a brave soul to remind us of the Vans Warped Tour. Every year I'm in danger of forgetting and it just makes me feel grounded to remember.

Did you ever go? I never went. Time of my life. One of the greatest regrets of my life. You've been. I went. You've warped. Yeah, I warped.

Who did you see? Who did I see? I believe it was because I was quite early in the thing. I think Blink-182 was there. I think that was the big. That feels like Vintage Warped Tour. Yes. Vintage.

Yeah. Either at the wrong time, if you're not getting some, a Blink-182. Either at the wrong time if you're not getting some A blink 182 I went to the Vans Dorf tour And it was just Dorf He was just doing golf demonstrations With his funny little voice

More of a subdued crowd Wearing skate shoes That's what made it edgy I remember once growing up We got mail That was it was like an ad for an eric clapton tour sponsored by lexus yeah this is what i'm talking about this is and i just i remember at the time thinking oh that would suck like just think of who would go to that. But like, imagine that. BB King. Like, they're. Probably. BB King would go see Eric Clapton.

Wait, who's it sponsored by? Diabetes medication? Because that's kind of my groove, is diabetes medication. If it's, if it's Lexus, I'll go. If it's Infinity,

I'm out. Forget it. What, yeah, like, what do they have it on the screens? Or is it just on your ticket? or does a car open for him? How does it?

Tears in Lexus. Just changes a few lyrics. Tears in Lexus. Yeah. Oh, man, that's good. Did you ever go to any kind of youth youth focused concert or anything like that concert or festival or anything like that if anything i feel like i went to like old focused concerts as a youth okay when i remember most was my i had a friend in high school and his family was like

loosely tied to the mob and they own something called records on wheels later i found out it was the mob but somehow as a result me and my friend kyle just went to an alice cooper concert when we were like 16 and then went backstage and met alice cooper what that's amazing which i was he was very cool and chill yeah um but i remember a movie where two guys saw met alice cooper backstage and he knew a lot about the origins of the name milwaukee he certainly did and you know what they were not worthy and that was fun for everyone and wouldn't it be fun if i did that is a way to meet him because he probably thought i forgot about that thing i did i didn't i restrained myself i checked in at a hotel once and there was a big picture on like their wall of fame and it was alice cooper but he was in golfing gear and he wasn't spooky

cooper and uh man oh man that blew my mind he would have played he would have played van dorf's tour yeah no question if you were a uh if you don't want them to put up your your uh headshot somewhere you should travel with headshots that are completely out of care yeah exactly well do you want the spooky one or do you want the golf one i'm like i'm all out of spooky i gotta give you golf yeah i gotta give you unrecognizable golf one so So you got to meet Al Scud. That's amazing. It was awesome, but I've never been in a concert more where I was like, oh, this is not for me. Like just being in a 16 year, like a 16 year old at a concert where it was like guys who have been following him for years.

Yeah. In a way that I was like, oh, I'm the youngest person at this concert. Like, oh, I'm the youngest person at this concert. I watched a documentary about him. And he, for one concert, like it was an outdoor concert. And he hired like a helicopter to fly over the concert and drop a bunch of underwear on the audience. And Elton John was at that concert. And he said he like elbowed people in the face to get one of these Alice of these alice cooper brand underwear and so that's the kind of cool that alice cooper is elton john to alice cooper is sort of a bb king to eric clapton you can say yes what other concerts did you go to now i'm

my interest is peaked in what type of old person concert i went to the beach boys when i was a kid and i was like That would be awesome. Yeah, I was like, this rules. I don't care that it's all old people around me. This is the best. I feel like somehow, because I never led the charge on getting concert tickets. It was always a friend that was like,

I have tickets to this concert. Do you want to go? So I feel like I went to the weirdest scamp of concerts in high school. Right. I went to the Alice Cooper concert. I think my first ever concert was a chili peppers concert but in like but like after that after their main reign like 2004 chili peppers okay still shirtless but not quite as shirtless yeah maybe yeah don't need the socks in that way yeah um and then i went to

an edda james concert um wow i know at last at last said no one uh no she's the first lady of song god bless her but it was a weird that was the only song i knew when i went um i yeah i definitely went i went to two hip concerts in high school which was cool and fun yeah i feel like all the other ones were a bit like huh okay yeah like a curiosity this is neat what it's been so long since we've gone to a concert what if they were like okay there's just we we can only do one concert in 2021 but you have won the raffle um and it's lady antebellum will you go it's kid rock opening for lady antebellum like that's the right order are you dying to go see a concert now if it's on a cruise and kid rock owns it absolutely

i'm sure so on those cruises I think we've talked about them before, but they play every night or they just play one big concert at the end that they fly onto the... No, you saw the... Wasn't there a documentary about the New Kids on the Block cruise? Is there? Yeah. I bet that's great.

It's on Netflix somewhere. I mean, if it hasn't been taken off it's buried you have to really want it they so it's like they get a bunch of they hire the you know they get a bunch of bands that are similar or like this have the same kind of fan base right and they play a lot and there's like activities I think with the members of the bands that like we're going to do family feud with 311 against less than Jake and this is on the new kids on the block yep

it's sort of a less than Jake sneak attack tour really gotcha yeah a less than Jake sneak attack tour. Really? Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah, I guess that's because it used to be like having a show in Vegas. That was that was officially the end. If you had a.

But now it's not. Now the shows in Vegas are awesome. I don't know. I haven't been to one, but. I think it's a good gig to have i feel like selene kind of rewrote the rules of the vegas show yeah yes yeah um i only recently like there's as dave was saying we have the same uh television package so there's the uh there's these channels that just play music videos all the time which uh and i saw for the first time in a long time uh celine dion's

it's all coming back to me now and that video has a work of art i don't know if you remember the video but you know meatloaf had that song too right like within a couple years of the celine dion one they both had the same song is that right Yeah. And his video is very much in the same. It's like a sequel. It's a shot for a shot remake. A sequel to his I'll Do Anything for Love, but I Won't Do That. Right. Okay.

Was he a monster in that? In the Everything I Do for Love? I don't know if they intended him to be. We tried to put all sorts of makeup on him. That guy's still taking his lumps. See? You'll never get shot at this meatloaf. You troll.

Yeah, meatloaf. I mean, of all the like when you pick a name for yourself. Yeah. Alice Cooper is cool, and Meatloaf is like, okay, now we've got the joke names out of the way. Let's pick a real. No, I'm going with Meatloaf. Yeah, something where you got a lot of shit left in the fridge, and it's going bad, and you kind of mash it together with some cornflakes.

That's who I am as a person. Have either of you ever made Meatloaf uh no no but my dad makes a dynamite meatloaf i my mom made it you know every maybe once a month i had so much meatloaf as a kid and loved it but never requested it but it was like a nice surprise i never wanted it until it showed up and then i was like this is great but i've never made it it's also like a hilarious it's a hilarious name the more you say it that they're like well it's shaped like a bread loaf so i guess we'll just call it make it in a bread pan with a like a bread bottom right but it's so like it's usually beef but they're just like open it up to all the meats it can be any kind of oh yeah yeah oh man um you know what i wouldn't mind have like i haven't had it since i lived at home

i would know like there's restaurants that probably serve it oh sure um but i would never order it in a restaurant um i'm sure it's back in some irritating way of some like irritating chef being like i'm just trying to bring diner comfort with a new world spin. And you can get like a fancy meatloaf and be like, yeah, thanks. Fancy meatloaf really is like, what's the point? You know what I mean? It's like you say, it should just be stuff that's left in the fridge. Yeah.

I ordered, I was really like, I was bummed out that we can't go to restaurants. And I was like, you know what I probably eat once a year in a restaurant, like when I sit at the bar, is French onion soup. Really? I was like, oh, it's like such a great wintry food. Yeah. It's like such a great wintery food. Yeah. But I've never made it, and I've never had it take out,

but I didn't want to make it because I didn't want my house to smell of onions for a week. So I ordered it from a restaurant and brought it home, and it scratched the itch. Did it? Yeah. Yeah. But was it like cheese melted over styrofoam? How did that work? Well, no, just it was a paper bowl. Okay. Oh was it like cheese melted over styrofoam? Like, how did it, how did that? Well, no, just, it was a paper bowl. Okay.

Oh, a paper bowl. Classic paper bowl. Structurally sound. Who was in the paper bowl this year? Yeah, it was San Diego State versus Arizona. San Diego State. San Diego State. You know which one it is.

It's a real school. It's a football school. I forgot what a famous meathead you are, Dave. I'm on the Mount Rushmore of meatheads. Yeah, who else is on that mountain? Me? Larry Kubiak from Parker Lewis Can't Lose. Yes. Gronk.

Let's see. Pardon? Gronk. Yeah? Gronk. Gronk. Yeah, Gronk. And, boy, Jack Nicholson at the end of One For The Cook's Nest. Yes. Classic meatheads.

And they turned him into a meathead. I guess they turned him into the opposite of a vegetable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. He's vegan now. Inside. Now, you, Evany, you mentioned in the same sentence that meatloaf was brought up that you had meatloaf with cornflakes? Well, that's like a standard thing you put in meatloaf often.

Some kind of bullshit cereal. She didn't mean like a side of corn. Yeah, you sprinkle the meatloaf over the bowl, some berries. Lovely. Suggested serving. Oh, I didn't know that. I've never had the pleasure of cornflake infused. Boy, I'm going to Google meatloaf recipes.

I think it's like breadcrumbs. It needs something like that to bind it. Some kind of dry carb. Right. It just reminds me of like a casserole that my aunt would make every year that had cornflakes on it. And it was delicious, but it was like where did you come up with

this? Or where, how, this wasn't passed down through the generations because cornflakes have only been around for however many years. Like it's like marshmallows on the yams. Like why this is not from the first Thanksgiving wedding. What is this? Yeah. They hadn't brought marshmallows with them on the flower.

Yes. Yes. Do you have anything like that? Like a weird family food that would make an appearance once a year or is it uh is it just meatloaf city for you god we're just gorging on meatloaf over at the rosenhaus my dad's turkey stuffing is quite infamous and it is very good but anytime i make it for someone they're like what but then they like it but it's like it's very i didn't realize growing up that this was not normal turkey stuffing because it's like chunks of bread but then also like canned black olives and like a jar of cocktail onions

and then cubes of cheddar cheese and then teriyaki sauce that's what's in his stuffing it's like a kid it's like what elvis would want and we always eat it on the toilet and someone always dies but it's really good somebody's got to go over to the neighbor use their toilet there's always so many toilets i remember once my friends and i made it had like an elvis uh themedthemed potluck, and you just kind of had to make food that you thought Elvis would be, like the equivalent of what Elvis would.

I got a migraine that day and couldn't cook. It felt better by the time I showed up. But the primo, the number one thing was Velveeta sushi. Oh, no. Yeah. So just like rice with velveta on it uh well yeah velveta inside i love that that's brilliant yeah do you think elvis was always eating like that and he had like great metabolism or was that only later in his life no he died quite young, I believe. And I think he died in his early 40s and was famously on a stamp. There was a debate as to which metabolism to go with. I thought we...

The famously on a stamp, I thought you were going to say died on a toilet, because that is famous. Also that, and they didn't put that on the stamp, but that was an 11th hour choice. Yeah. They were so close to putting his autopsy photo. Should we go with young Elvis or toilet Elvis? The vote has been overwhelmingly for toilet Elvis, but we can't do it, right? Right, post office? Yeah.

This is all, I feel like. Right, USPS? can't do it right right post office yeah this is all right usps i feel like in this day and age there would be some kind of internet surge let's vote let's you know back the toilet vote this is how you guys got dude chilling park it seems like the same it's true yeah is that what it's called just a silly thing yeah dude chilling park chilling park was uh it was i think it was one person's idea and everyone was like that's great yeah good work city like it was it was like a um kind of an art piece they they made a sign and put it there and people were like actually yeah yeah this is good yeah this is community engagement um i love no shade for me i'm glad it wasn't elvis on the toilet park i think

yeah i think vancouver went about yeah they change it every year which is a big branding issue but i watched an elvis movie last night and i forgot valentine's day yeah i watched viva las vegas Ah. And, man, oh, man. Did they, like, the screenwriters had to work backwards to figure out how Elvis was going to sing in so many scenes. Like, they had to figure out, okay, well, he's practicing. He's going to practice somewhere so he can sing there. You know, he's in a casino performing so he can sing there. And they just work in a bunch of Elvis singing songs.

There's no equivalent to that now that there would be a movie starring somebody that they've, am I wrong? Is there a... I bet Disney's making them and we're just not watching them. I feel like that's what

the high school musical movies are. They mess up. I mean, well, an older fat man begins to sing when you least expect it i feel like there's probably there's got to be some equivalent of like if they put gronk in a movie and it was like well we got to get him to run people over have you ever seen gronk stand up ah no is this real there's a half hour Gronk stand-up special. Half hour?

I did stand-up for like seven years. I never had a half hour. This is the true reaction of a stand-up comedian watching it being like, what do you mean he's got a tight 28? Like, what? And it's wild. It's nonsense. it's not good it's mostly crowd work which he's not he's charming though he is he's good looking he's you know he's he's magnetic he's got a great name

gronk let me uh just uh lay it out. I don't know who Gronk is. Oh, Gronk is a football player, Rob Gronkowski. Okay. Which is shortened to Gronk in one of the, like, the best name. Yeah. He plays for Tom Brady. Okay. In whatever city Tom Brady chooses to play in.

He plays for Tom Brady's team, whatever it is. And he's won some Super Bowls and he's just like a, he's like a fun guy who's good at football. But he's like a Viking. He's like a Viking, but he doesn't play for the Vikings.

He doesn't play for the Vikings. Sorry, that is confusing. He's like a buccaneer. He's like, if a Viking was a buccaneer who used to be a patriot. But he just looks like he like finishes the Super Bowl instead of being like, I'm going to Disneyland. He just like pounds like a horn of ale and like fucks like 30 wenches. Like that's his full vibe. I find it very dark in a funny way.

That's his full vibe. I find it very dark in a funny way. And then the idea of him doing a half hour stand up special, which was like clearly someone's like panicked idea at a network after his first Super Bowl was just, why did it happen? He, yeah, he's like,

I imagine he'll be hosting some kind, he'll be hosting like American Gladiators in six months. Yeah, that's, and that's the i remember being doing a show i think with al madrigal where he was like i can't get upset about a stand-up show because you know i can't take it seriously because screech does it and uh jake the snake roberts does it so it's just like r.i.p you know yeah r.i.p that's right i won't let it go snake die no jake the snake's still with us it so it's just like r.i.p you know yeah r.i.p that's right i won't let it go snake die no jake the snake's still with us that is weird that jake the snake outlived screech that is weird i had it in my death pool uh so i won i won a couple grand i went all in oh wow yeah Yeah. Dark. Yeah, you're right. RIP Screech.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, me? Yeah, you. Well, we teased it a little bit earlier. It snowed. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. This has been a long weekend. Today is Family Day in Canada, or in BC anyway.

What's the holiday in Ontario? Oh, it's still Family Day. We got families here too, Dave. Well, we didn't have Family Day until about five years ago. When we realized that people had families. There was no holiday. There was no holiday in February.

And then the government here was like, wait a minute. We got a bunch of ski hills and we need people to come up for an extra day. Right. But why didn't they just make Valentine's Day the day instead of inventing a day? Well, Valentine's Day isn't a,

like you can't get a day off to fuck. Why? Yeah. Why? Yeah, exactly. In true nose Canada. Because you need to go skiing. You can do both. Yeah, exactly. In true nose Canada. Because you need to go skiing. You can do both.

Yeah, exactly. Am I right? So they, yeah, so it's today's family day. It's a long weekend here in BC and it's, nothing's open. So it's like, the fact that it snowed is the greatest because it's been raining for four months. And like as a parent, the fact that I can just tell my kids, go play in the snow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't say go go scoop up some rain.

Yeah. Get wet. Go make a rain man. Yeah. Go make Dustin. Watch Dustin Hoffman first, then go make a rain man. But don't tell the neighbors what you're doing or they'll be offended. Yeah.

So we went on, I guess it was Saturday morning. We woke up and it snowed. And as a kid growing up here where it snows maybe every third year. Yeah. Waking up and having it be all white outside was always so magical now i feel like it snows every year yeah that's right and then do you think it's less magical or do you still have an off oh i do love it because it it's also quieter like yes the snow like dampens the sound and you go outside and you're like this is a we live in a marshmallow

world it's a winter wonderland we're dancing on yams we're dancing on yams we're dashing through the snow in a one horse open sleigh did you do any of the things you i went so uh, we were like, okay, let's get, let's get sledding. Yeah. Um, and I, one thing I will say that I, I think childless people,

uh, don't go sledding. Yeah. Because it would feel weird to go to Canadian tire and buy a sled as a grownup. But as a grown-up. But as a grown-up, you should have several crazy carpets somewhere in your house. Yeah, magic carpets. We have a couple of flying saucers.

Okay, yeah. Those are wild. So we went to the park and went sledding at 9 o'clock in the morning on Saturday. And it ruled. It was the greatest. And you go home, you have hot cocoa. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, oh, it's only 11 in the morning now.

We can send the kids outside again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Round two. That's great. So you have saucers for sledding're saucer we're a saucer family evany what were you in your in your heyday of sledding what kind of sled did you i remember the christmas where i got a gt racer and it was awesome they still make them they do are they still endorsed by brett hall they are no longer endorsed by Brett Hall. We had a used sporting goods store called Play It Again Sports,

probably owned by Brett Hall, honestly. And my dad got it there and wrapped it in garbage bags. And that was my Christmas present when you're in it ruled because it was just like there wasn't another kid to compete with. And I was small enough that me and my dad could fit on the GT racer. And it was like, it was awesome. Now, you grew up in Toronto. How often was sledding a thing?

I think pretty often. We had good snow here back then. Yeah. Am I remembering that the GT snow racer on the steering column had like a sticker of like dials and outer space kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, it really seemed like you could do a lot more with it than you could, which was just scream and slightly move to the right or left.

Yeah. Yeah, it was, so it went very fast. Is that right? Very fast. Especially with like an adult man's weight on it. It really sailed. Yeah, you could take a jump and hurt yourself or the gt racer big time i've said this before on the show that sledding is better than skiing or snowboarding because there's such a low barrier to entry yes it costs nothing like we did a couple

years ago before when we were unprepared for the snow we did it on a uh cardboard box wrapped in a garbage bag yeah that's i mean that was the that was the go-to especially if you lived in a an area where it only snowed for like a week or two out of the year just put on some garbage bags and go nuts you only need it for yeah like uh you and the the idea you you're walking back up a little hill, so you're tiring yourself out. You're only out there for an hour maximum. That's all you can handle. You don't have to. Oh, it's like the, uh, the fact that I used to go skiing and like have to leave the city.

Yeah. Have to wait in lines, have to carry so much precarious gear that's sliding apart. Yeah. Oh. to carry so much precarious gear that's sliding apart yeah oh um yeah this the thing the downside to the gt racer was lugging it back up the hill yeah it felt like it was overly cumbersome and uh like you know one of those wooden sleds like the old traditional ones that you see in movies that seemed like the the happy medium right yeah those are a classic i remember with my cousins we would have one of those and it was much easier but we did have a little rope on the front of our gt racer so we could lead it like a sacred cow back up

uh wow that really takes me back i remember my friend friend and I spent an inordinate amount of time building a jump for our GT racer. And the first, I think he went down first and he just plowed right through it. Like we hadn't figured out the construction method at all. So it was like instantly destroyed. We made it. Well, we didn't make a jump. There was a jump at the park we went to. Somebody had to make that. Someone got there early. Well, that was't make a jump. There was a jump at the park we went to. Somebody had to make that.

Someone got there early. Well, that was on the second day. So we went the first day, it snowed. And then we came back the second day and there was a little, it was more of a bump. Little bump, blood everywhere also. And then we took a little break from going down that path. And some other people, when we came back, some other people were using that little path. So we moved over like 20 feet to a different path.

And there was another little bump. And then I realized that is a tree stump. It will injure us. So I put a little like, I put a big branch on it to remember to stay away from this thing that's a good dad move yeah and that's a good sir that's a service to the community this isn't a jump this is a this is a tree stump everyone this is that this is we went from bump to stump um so yeah we've had two days of snow it's now now in classic Vancouver fashion. Just getting rained away. Yeah.

And the storm drains will be overflowing tonight. Yes, that's right. And that rounds up. Just like they did last night, Valentine's Day. If you know what I mean. Like a lot of people were flushing their toilets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean?

Oh, let's just say I overflowed a few storm drains last night. With semen? Or what happened? Oh, I don't want to be crass about it. Well, well. I think, use your imagination, lady. I hate to. So, yeah, love the snow.

It's over now. Like today we went for a little walk outside because we're a family and it's family day. Yeah. And the snow is melting. And I was like, well, winter's over. And I was like out in a t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Even though it's four degrees or something. Four degrees. What is it in Toronto right now? Minus what? I think it's about minus ten here right now. Okay.

That would kill people here. That would kill so many people here. Ha! It's like taking a lizard off of its hot rock. Putting it right on a GT racer and sending it to hell. Putting it right on a GT racer and sending it to hell. That would be the best if a parrot was like, well, the lizard died. Let's send him off like a Viking.

Like a Viking, like Gronk. Just strap it to a GC racer, light it on fire, and send it over Dave's tree stump into the beyond. Yeah. And then it lands two feet after the tree stump, and I have to clean it up. Sorry, everyone. What's going on with you, Graham? Well, like you say, it was a snowy, snowy weekend. And because of that, like you say, you can hear things that you wouldn't usually hear because of the sound. Everywhere's kind of muted.

wouldn't usually hear because the sound everywhere's kind of muted so the other night i got to hear uh a foursome of teens having a an argument having a fight and it really brought me back to like teen fights or you know like what would cause kids to like lose their mind and and be they were all acting tough and i listened to them for a good, like, you know, 15 minutes. And I was like, maybe they'll fight. Maybe that'll be what I get to see is like a real. That's how I'll get my rocks off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

My Valentine's Day. But, you know, like, I think especially as a teen, you're trying to act tough. And you don't have any intention of following through with this fight threat. And it was exactly that. It was yelling like crazy and then slowly the yelling went down. They were all walking in the same direction, so I think they were actually friends that had

a falling out. Did you ever have that when you were younger? Like a teen fight? No. No teen fights? No, people didn't like me. But you didn't have to fight about it. I had a group of friends that, like, we were very...

I had a group of friends that I was very close with, and then another group of friends that we all just kind of, like, were cast-offs from other group of friends that i was very close with and then another group of friends that we all just kind of like uh were cast offs from other groups of friends yeah and i would like you know make fun of people and no one liked that one time a guy in our group of friends um like this was in the 90s and he like he did some kind of photo thing with a picture of me he like used some kind of software to like to like skew my face and then he gave it to printed it out and gave it to me and underneath it said truce hey dave truce i call it truce you did all you see you've just been like reflexively saying mean things about me and i i I made this weird picture of you.

Truce. Yeah. You got yours. I got mine. Truce. What was the distortion of you in the picture? What did he alter? It was just making my chin long and then twisting my nose.

It was nothing. I don't remember. Truce. Truce. I think you get it, man. Tru no explanation necessary truce uh evany was there ever like like teen fights that you were you were in or i can't imagine a school full of girls would ever fight no it's all the time uh everything was great um i do i didn't fight a lot with my friends because i had like i was friends with like the weird artsy kids of course but i do remember that i was in uh like

a math class for dummies called personal finance which was an option like how to write a check and stuff like this yeah like how to how to like finance a car loan like just really for like i think that's good though yeah it actually was a very helpful course but i remember there was like a couple of like dumb popular girls in that class and then but then they got in a big feud and i was like neutral enough that they like they take turns sitting next to me in this class and like telling me the drama of what was going on with their group but it

was like really boring and I didn't understand and someone had always given a blowjob to someone they shouldn't and I was always like yeah like a hedgehog yeah yeah like a thing that they shouldn't have or like a banister a bar stool a leg of a bar yeah did you hear jessica gave a pj to the banister

oh man um how about you did you get in teen fights yeah they were the teen fights were so dramatic there was there had to be drama behind it there had to be it have to be uh about a girl usually uh you know not a lot of finance to fight about back then so you know yeah like it wasn't a regular thing but it was it was it was cherished when it happened everybody would kind of gather around and really warm their hands on a teen fight um but yeah i there were quite a few of them as the were maladjusted teens that didn't know how to solve their problems otherwise and so that that was it grew it grew in my school and i think what my school was known for was fights in the parking lot it was it was called lord beaverbrook but people call it lord

bangerbrook whatever that means but i guess banging is well i guess that's more sex than anything i learned anything from my teen fights yes it is do you remember like the most dramatic utterance anyone ever said in one of the teen fights you were a part of or witnessed the my all-time favorite teen fight was two guys that were pummeling each other and the one guy said that you know this how dare you do this with jessica or whatever kelly maybe and the guy responded that he didn't do anything with kelly you're confused i went out with this other girl and then the fight stopped where they hadn't they hadn't fact-checked their fight before they got

into it and uh so mid-fight they called it off and we were mad at you anymore yeah yeah exactly what um uh what was the utterance in in the one that came to mind for you ebony again it just comes back to an old time blowjob i wish i could represent my gender in my school better but i do remember there was like an instance where a girl got, this is so, I'm really betraying just what it means to be a woman and a teen girl. But I remember there was a lot of drama and a party where a girl got so drunk at someone else's house and had like hooked up with someone else's

boyfriend and they were fighting. And then she got really drunk and a guy had to carry her up the stairs, but she wasn't wearing underwear. And then just everyone kind of watched this happen in a way that feels bad to say out loud now but I remember the time being pretty saucy instead of something that an adult me would have said

I'm gonna, I'll help. Yeah, someone take care of this person. I honestly regret telling the story she seems fine now, I follow her on Facebook she's doing great, she's got a music career. R.I.P.p screech r.i.p that story was about screech so it's still funny and it's still timely what did the what happened with this fight you thought graham uh they called it off mid-fight they they'd thrown a couple uh

haymakers and then uh that was it and we were really disappointed and then i do feel like nobody said it but we were all the teams were onlookers. Yeah. The onlookers were kind of looking around for like, maybe some other guys will fight. Maybe like we're all here. Does anybody else have agreements? Sadly there was.

So we all just, we all headed back to class, which was, this was just mid class. Everyone ran outside. Wait, wait, wait,

Jessica situation. I mean, what, what was uttered? What happened with this fight? which was this was just mid-class everyone ran outside wait wait wait jessica situation player i mean what what was uttered what happened with this fight you just saw like recently oh sorry last night yeah so it was uh uh the young hero of our story was saying to the other one that something had happened where one of them didn't back up the other one. Didn't, didn't like teens hate not to be backed up. Yeah. Yeah.

Guilty. I'm the one. I will absolutely not back you up. Yeah. So it was about like something that happened earlier that night. And then there were two guys that were arguing. And then there were two other guys that served as the peacemakers. And so the two other guys separated them into into pairs so

not the two guys that were fighting they weren't a pair that would have sucked if it was two people that weren't fighting and you guys were teamed up together but uh and then i saw them walking down the alley and that's where i was convinced that they were all going to the same house anyways they had to have their team fight out in the street and then go back to mom pause and's and have a Gatorade. It's not safe during a pandemic to fight in the house. That's right. Take it outside.

You've got to have your bubbles in your pod. Yeah, fight within your bubble. Yeah, so it really brought me back, teen fight. And I jumped up from watching the TV and looked through the blinds. It was the best. It's what I feel like I'll be doing for the rest of my life if I can swing it. If I can live in a dense enough part of the city that Teen Fights might happen, I think I'll be a happy man.

Oh, I'd love to watch a safe, honest Teen Fight. I really regret my story. It took a dark turn. Now I've just been thinking about it being like, oh, I guess I went to a fucked up school for girls. Jesus. Yeah, they're all fucked up schools, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true.

Teens are a mess. Oh, boy. But you know what? Leading the way to the future. A lot of people think it's seniors, but I think teens have got it. You know who my favorite teen is? Malala. Malala, yeah. Top teen. Who's my favorite?

And a lot of shade from Dave. Yeah, Greta. Greta's up there too. I don't think Malala's a teen anymore. Aw, she's like America's teenager. She's like Dick Clark. She's forever a teen. She's the Bob Hope of conscious teens. Always walking around with a putter. This is what we're fighting for, fellas.

Yeah. She does all those road movies with Bing Crosby. Jerry Lewis hates her, but we don't know why quite. Yeah. Jerry Lewis hates him hates her but we don't know why quite yeah these are the reanimated corpses of both of those guys having it having it out

um uh should we move on to some overheards yeah yeah hey kid your dad tell you

about the time he broke Stephen Dorf's nose at the kids choice awards in dead pilot society scripts that were developed by studios and networks but were never produced are given the table reads they deserve. When I was a kid, I had to spend my Christmas break filming a PSA about angel dust. So yeah, being a kid sucks sometimes. Presented by Andrew Reich and Ben Blacker.

Dead Pilots Society, twice a month on MaximumFun.org. You know, the show you like, that hobo with the scarf who lives in a magic dumpster. Doctor Who. Yeah. Overheard. Overheard is a segment in which maybe you maybe you know graham during the break i um uh we ordered pizza last night for valentine's day they didn't have heart-shaped in mediums they only had large heart-shaped this is for boston pizza famously no just the place up the street. Oh, okay. And so we...

I got my own pizza. Romantically, I refused to eat anyone else's pizza. I had to have the kind I liked. Well, mostly Abby was getting anchovies, so I can't do that. Yeah. But I got a weird shrimp pizza. Wait, how many Lara heart-shaped fish-based pizzas did your family order last night? Medium.

Oh, man, that chewy is awful. I got a medium. I got a medium. Medium shrimp. Classic Zaha. And Abby got a large heart-shaped anchovy just for her. Medium. Then why did you mention the large heart shapes?

Why was this part of the story? Because it was Valentine's. I thought your mind would automatically go, oh, it was Valentine's, they got pizza? It must have been heart-shaped. No, we got medium circle pizzas for love day. And I just ran up during the break to get. But I'm just, don't mind me. Just going to eat four slices of pizza.

Yeah, you just went up to Kapaza and I guess we'll be hearing. I know we want to move on, but I just have to know. Was your pizza just tomato sauce, cheese, and shrimp? And hers was just tomato sauce, cheese, and anchovies? Mine is pesto, onions, and shrimp. And hers was pepperoni. Oh, mine also had cheese. Hers was pepperoni, tomato sauce, anchovies, and cheese. Okay.

All right. The kids also had a cheese pizza. Oh, wow. A three pizza night. Well, they're never going to eat these weird pizzas that we had. Freak adult pizzas. All right. Overheard is a segment where if you hear something,

if you're lucky enough to hear something, please bring it our way. And we always like to start with the guest.any do you have an overheard i mean you're asking this question at a tough time because i am following the rules and we're on quite a lockdown here in toronto so i've not overheard a lot i would say the closest i can come and this kind of come back to comes back to teen fights but i did did something a couple weekends ago that I never thought I'd do, which is that I overheard a group of college kids

having a party across the alleyway from my apartment in their apartment, and I called the cops. Yes. That's awesome. I've never done that before. It's a benchmark of adulthood. Did you call 911 or the non-emergency line? I slowed my roll.

I called the non-emergency line. I didn't call 911 to be like, guess what these college kids are doing? Having fun. There's more than six. I called the non-emergency line. The woman was very unimpressed with my civic duty. How so? She was like, okay.

What are they doing? I was like, well, there's more than eight of them in there. Because I didn't call because they were being loud. I called because it was COVID. And then she was like, well, is there any drug or alcohol use? And I went, probably. Oh. If I know parties.

If I know parties, and I do, probably. Let me tell you this story from high school. You ever sucked off a banister? I got something for you. Send a SWAT team. Send a SWAT team. Gotta clear these teens out. And then she asked for my name and I wouldn't give it.

Because sometimes these college kids do kind of yell across the way to me and are like I like your cat and I'm like yeah you're nice but don't have a party so I wouldn't give them my name and then I realized also that like it's not my building so I didn't have any way to buzz the cops in so then just

like fully like those characters in Bewitched I just stayed up till 3 in the morning like peering through the blinds and like telling James Woods what was going on and being like, well, they're still watching YouTube videos and I'm sure drinking beers.

And then I got kind of drunk staying up too late watching this party. And I don't think it resulted in anything. So more of a sad story for me. Did the police show up? I don't, not before 3 a.m.

when I finally went to bed. But it was you were waiting up. You were so excited to see the cops. Oh, it would have been so thrilling to just look across the way and see these loser college kids partying at a time when that was so inappropriate. And have these cops come in and be like, you're all getting fined $850. And then be like, we can't. We're teens. Almost.

That would have been thrilling. Didn't happen. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, and I'm all done my pizza, so it won't be an issue anymore. He's shrimped out, ladies and gents. I shrimped out hard. Here's what's my overheard. It was today, and it was just a very quick, uh, overheard a woman passing by in the grocery

store on the phone. And she was like, uh, just, just kind of in a hurry. She grabbed something from my neighborhood of the grocery store and walked away. And she said, I got to work on my marriage? Into her phone. Like, how dare you? Somebody said you got to work on your marriage? Yeah.

On this, the day after Valentine's Day? I wonder what she thought the problem was that this was the shocking solve. Right. I owe more money on my HST and I got to work on my marriage? Like, what was the,

what was the lead up? I think my husband needs to work on himself, but apparently I need to work on my marriage? That's more plausible than mine, yeah.

Now, Dave, when you said you were done with that pizza, you, that was an obvious Well, not the crust. I saved the crust.

And can I just say, Dave, that crust seems just dry as hell. Oh, yeah. We don't microwave these things on day two. We put them in the oven on a baking sheet until they are just black with black cheese on top. That seems brittle with a whiff of shrimp and anchovies in a way that... Hey, Abby puts up an anchovy barrier.

She knows it's an issue. She wears one of those masks. My overheard came thanks to the snowstorm. You wouldn't hear this any other time of year, but it was a mother and a son walking through the snow and the son saying

uh mom my tummy's frozen and the mom just saying well stop eating snow that's on you man what do you want me to do about your tummy stop eating snow snow is so good. Oh yeah. It's nature's. It tastes like your mitten. It's super cold. Yeah. And it's, uh, it's pure as the day is long. You know what I mean?

It's not unless it's yesterday's snow and then yuck. Yeah. That's, that's better than saying yesterday's news. I think he said, man, that's yesterday's snow. I'm not interested.

Um, I have to work on my marriage, I say. I love that she didn't stop him eating the snow before. She was just like, well, I hope he learns this lesson because we live in Vancouver and I'm sure it'll be valuable again in four years. This is moisture that he's getting. This is good water content. He doesn't like eating, you know, drinking water usually, so this is great for me as a parent. You've heard that thing that it dehydrates you

to eat snow because your body uses more energy melting it than you take in. Then you can possibly hydrate yourself. That's bogus, right? That's got to be bogus. Because at some point your body's like, hey, you know what? I'll take that water, even though it's cold. Yeah.

Yeah. And it rules. Snow's the best food. Yeah. Yeah, snow's up there. You can put, you know, a maple syrup on it. Yes. Shrimp, cheese.

Shrimp, cheese. We got a snowza. I hope it was the same woman i really do the woman that's like i need to work on my marriage and being like well stop eating the snow i can't i'm working on the marriage i can't worry about you i'm probably was we only have we only have one woman here but she's great she's working she's holding this whole city together so she's trying okay she's trying exactly and what else can we ask yeah um now we also have overheards sent in from people all over the place if you want to send one into us send it into spy at maximum fun.org dave's really gonna he's moved the mic and he's gonna to chow down on some Zah. Some crispy, crispy Zah. Just the crusts.

So this first one, another, this one comes courtesy of John in Seattle. And this is definitely another kid. Say the darndest things. I was on a ferry to Bainbridge. I guess that's in Seattle. Bainbridge Island. Sitting on the upper deck, and heard a dad talking to his son. The dad

says, stop running! A couple of seconds pass. Stop walking fast! So the kid thought he'd found quite the loophole. I picked the wrong microphone to talk into. That seems like a kid, kind of of like a kid lawyer move stop running and you're your honor um walking fast like uh do you ever do that kind of working

you know like you can't be mad because i'm not touching you that kind of kid logic well like if your parent is like oh what do they do that's like uh david don't stop you said don't stop uh caught you on a technicality that kind of thing or like i'm listening to you but i don't hear any punctuation and then your parents printed out a warped picture of you that said truce and he asked you to stop being i was so mean to this guy that i didn't know we were fighting but he's demanded not demanded but he asked for a truce in the in the best way possible and i granted it to him that's fine that's very kind uh this next one also um kids say the darndest from ryan in bend oregon i have i have two boys and i have to tell them i love you to the moon and back one night the older one turned it into a bit of competition so we're just picking planets and other space objects further

and further away to outlove each other not to be outdone his snack obsessed three-year-old brother chimes in and says daddy i love you to the kitchen love you to the kitchen it's right across the hall and then anything further than that you're on your own daddy did you know that uh i love you to the moon and back is a very popular parenting thing. Is it? It's from a book about a rabbit. Okay. I think that's what it's from.

Good Night Moon Velveteen Rabbit, a classic. It's that kind of thing. It's from a board book. Yeah, I guess. But it's on like every, you look that up on etsy you can get pillows you can get wall hangings that just say i love you to the moon and back i only go for minion stuff that's the only thing i like you can get wall hangings that say banana i want a minion saying like to the moon like jackie gleason's gonna hit his wife that would be my ideal kind of throw pillow so in that scenario it's an area is the minion trying to stop uh

him from hitting his wife or is it's the minion no the minion is jackie gleason is jackie gleason and alice i will abuse you to the moon and back he never sent him back he just it was he said to the moon he's just gonna pop her once and she's out of orbit but he never did and that's why we love him yeah good work yeah good work our our thoughts are with you jackie gleason goodbye england's rose by England's Rose. This last one comes from Mike R. in New York. I was at a traffic light a few days ago and the car in front of me had a customized license plate

and a license plate frame. The frame said, Carpenters Bang Harder. And then the vanity plate in it said, Snoopy 50 50 so you're telling me snoopy 1 through 49 is okay wow taken by other hard fucking carpenters ow

um boy i mean the carpenter probably made that banister that girl sucks yeah i've really set the me too movement back she has a name dave oh time's up on me um now in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have hi david graham and uh 50 guests. This is Gorky from Arkansas. So I just had a directly spoken to overheard from my girlfriend after two hours of

mediumly stressful adult conversations that led to very high shoulder tension. And it was all washed away with this delightful interaction of telling me about a friend that she had not spoken to in quite some time. And I said, why is it because he voted for Trump? And her response was, no, he would never. He's a magician.

Thank you very much. Yeah, Robert, Donald Trump was famously anti-rabbit and uh anti-top hat and you know magicians really felt that uh anti-cape uh um yeah i guess i don't know do you think magicians are democrats yeah what is the position do they vote as a block they seem they seem apolitical to me as a group yeah but you know what like okay now picture uh david blaine who's he voting for he's trump yeah he's trump and chris angel trump yeah uh he's sigrid and roy democrat dead dead oh that's right all right oh man really uh this is really the faces of death dark that's what i that's the energy i bring um i bet teller votes

them teller's a bernie bro yeah and pen uh he votes the way teller tells him yeah or other way around who's the other way around the way Teller tells him. Or other way around. Who's the boss? Other way around. Other way around. Penn votes for himself. Penn's the talker. Penn's quietly run as an independent for the past 15 years. Yeah, Penn's a libertarian.

Whatever. Yeah, it's, what, so he would run and his slogan would be like something like, vote me in for the silent majority. No, he's Pentox. Pentox. And tell her fucks. And tell her fucks. Alright, next phone call. Hi, this is Jay in Los Angeles

calling in with an overheard of a Kids Say the Darnedest variety. We were at dinner last night and I asked my five-year-old what he had done at school that day. He told me we were learning words that start with P, and I knew a word that started with P, but I didn't want to say it in school.

I said, oh, okay, well, what word was it? And he goes, vagina. We thought that that was pretty fucking funny it's vagina it's vagina it's vagina let me tell you as an expert it's vagina uh everything is great about that i thought i thought it was leading in a certain direction it made the pivot at the right moment i do wish that the kid had said it though yeah but you know well you take what you can get i remember once in grade three we had to wait for something and i said patience is a virgin and and my teacher was like it's virtue virtue. And I said, that's what I said. Yeah.

That's what I said. And last week when you heard me say vagina, I said. I was right again. Yeah. Yeah. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham. And I'm sure lovely guest.

This is Hillary from Massachusetts. And I'm calling with an overheard. I'm sure a lovely guest. This is Hillary from Massachusetts. And I'm calling with an overheard. I'm a teacher. And I overheard a colleague of mine asking students to line up by street name. And one student turns to the other looking very panicked and says, how do you know your street name? And the other student looks at her and goes, you know the street you live on? And she looked so relieved, and she was like,

oh, okay, I thought everybody had these street names like Little Shorty or Hey There Tall Girl, and I died. Hey There Tall Girl. Hey Tall Girl. Hey There Shorty. Hey There Shorty. Hey there, shorty. Hey there, shorty. That is a weird thing to make kids line up by, though.

Yeah. By the names of the streets? Yeah. That's no good. That stinks. Yeah. Yeah. Just like it's so.

It's quite involved. I have a P.O. box. I love it on Crescent. Wow. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode. Ebony, thank you so much for being a guest. This is a pleasure as always. It was a pleasure to be here.

Missed you guys. It was a delight. Yeah. And as I said off the top of the show, if you happen to be able to get Crave, the streaming platform, you can see the original series done by Evany Rosen and Kayla Lorette called New Eden, which is so funny.

Do yourself a favor and check it out if you can. It's only available in Canada. It's only available in Canada for the time being, but we're working on that. But for now, if you're a canadian listener check it out it's honestly a lot more feminist than female focused when i think some of my content would have you believe all female cast um everyone's sucking each other off it's great get in there um new eden who plays the role who plays the banister caitlin howden but she is in it and she's great yeah and the show's great and uh thank you again for being

our guest swallowed a shrimp there by accident we're all eating them now. Yeah, I got some canned shrimp. And thank you, everybody out there, for listening to the show. Shrimp pizza or anchovy pizza, we're all one person. Take care of yourself out there and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported