Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 677 - Tess Degenstein

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Actress Tess Degenstein returns to talk celebrity lookalikes, The Dig, and favourite condiments.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, welcome to episode number 677 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. With me as always, my name is Graham Clark, first and foremost. And with me as always is a man who can do a real good gangster voice, if you let him, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, the problem is no one will let me. Also, I have to keep my teeth clenched to do it, I guess. You were a gangster that had a bad car accident.

Yeah, I take a boot for breakfast, an inch for dessert. I'm a ventriloquist. Yeah, there was a time when ventriloquism might must have been like blew everybody's mind it must have seemed like magic yeah for people that only had seen campfires and stuff um well i said did it not blow your mind when you saw yeah you're right it did blow my i'll be honest i mean jeff dunham gets a lot of crap but uh as a child i thought he was hilarious but i was a child um our guest today was once a child now all grown up uh return guest here to the podcast it's tess degenstein how are you i'm so old yeah how are you and how old are you? Yeah, honestly, over the hill.

Thank you for joining us, Taz. Thanks for having me. It's great to hear your gangster voice, too. Can we hear your gangster voice? Say it again, Sam. Say it again? Yeah. Sorry, I didn't catch that, Sam.

Could you repeat yourself? Yeah, he's hard of hearing. I just copied yours by closing my teeth. That's all they did back then. Yeah. Yeah. Because they didn't have fluoride in the water yet. And also, you couldn't see them through the radio, so you need to know who was a good guy who could speak plainly and then who was a bad guy.

Dang, Star. Some kind of deformity. It's true. I recently watched Dick Tracy where that's like truer than ever. Oh yeah? Is that the first time you've seen it ever? Does Dick Tracy have a character named Tess? Yeah, Tess Trueheart.

Nice. Fuck her. She's my natural nemesis. Well, should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us yeah get to know us i love that uh test true heart who is that actress oh she's so good her name's like jameen that's not her name jameen golumpus i think it's jameen columpus and you're right yeah incredible she was in um shame about the name she was in uh dirty rotten scoundrels yes she's so good and she's i think she passed away

a couple years ago oh she did oh uh glenna we could look this up no no no this is better glenny you're close glen close it's going close oh it might be glenn close yeah you're right i definitely have heard that name before glennis hadley i don't know oh man this is this is the times before imdb where you just had to really keep saying the name. Yeah. Have you guys heard of or seen the play Mr. Burns? No. It's like post-apocalyptic, but it's based on the premise of like, the first act is basically a bunch of people sitting around a campfire and trying to remember a Simpsons episode.

And specifically the cape fear episode and then progressively the play just gets farther and farther into the future and so the kind of simpsons mythos like grows and grows in stature but it's like a game of telephone with the cape Fear episode of The Simpsons. Projected like 300 years into the future. Glenn Headley. Glenn Headley. Oh. Glenn Headley. I think I said Glenis Hadley. You did.

Yeah. Cool. You were almost all the way there. Yeah. You overshot is the problem. Yeah. Totally. Where did you see this play?

I saw it in Toronto a couple years ago. There's a company called outside the march that did it in an old movie theater that's great that's i love the premise i love the idea that somebody can make a whole show out of that yeah it's great and it's long too if you really want to be that's how i like my theater yeah yeah this is one case where uh that was cool that was a cool aspect of it yeah yeah what would you say uh would be the like without naming names or whatever it was the worst theater experience oh no um i mean this is maybe not the worst but it's maybe it's got a story behind it so it's something uh i went to see it was a show from the company that did sleep no more.

Okay. A couple of years ago, which is like, it's a site specific show. You like wander around, you can, you can like see bits of scenes in this room. Then you wandered to a different room,

see bits of scenes. And like the whole thing is decked out art decked out. It's a big, uh, it's a big sensation in New York and you have to wear a a mask when you do it if you're not one of the actors. And I noticed I was getting a lot of attention from the actors. And I was like, oh, my God. They must like, no, I'm an actor.

It's like game recognizes game. And they were just all kind of like looking at me or like I felt like they were delivering things to me and I was like I must just be such a present incredible audience member like I really really took this on and then it turned out my mask had been upside down so I had the like nose on my head and the eyes on my cheeks and it was just they were looking at me because I was a loser is the point. But the play itself was good. Or was this,

this was the only slip up was the mask. Yeah, no, it was, it was good. It was pretty good. Graham, do you have a bad theater experience?

Oh yes, yes I do. Uh, please go on. Comes during the fringe where all the bad ideas get to party. Come out to play. Yeah, totally.

Go to the club. And I was, I was chatting with a guy party. Come out to play. Yeah, totally. Go to the club. And I was chatting with a guy that was handing out flyers. And he said his show started in 10 minutes. Would I come to a show? And I was like, yeah, sure. I have a pass. I don't have to pay money or whatever. And then I got in and I was right in the front row.

And he started the show was him talking to his girlfriend who was played by a puppet and then it was a musical and then it was a musical do you remember the relationship between him and the puppet like were things going well it was like a Pinocchio

kind of sort of like he was wishing that the puppet was real so but she was a big liar and her yeah yeah yeah yeah nose would grow yeah turn into a donkey stuck inside a whale these are all the pinocchio tropes yeah no cute rules did you were you like afraid of it when you were a kid pinocchio yeah But I think I was kind of like, I don't know when they went to pleasure Island, I was like, I couldn't look away.

I'm going to live there when I grow up. Yeah. I never saw it. Um, a few years ago on the podcast, we tried to reconstruct the plot of it and we could not, we didn't come anywhere close. Yeah.

We could not, uh, figure out like we knew he turned to he came to life and he lied yeah but there's so much more i recently uh re-watched ai oh is it as weird as i remember it because i remember it being very weird it's very weird but i also was like really congratulating myself going in. Again, maybe these are just all my stories where I think I'm great and then I suck. Being the audience. Yeah.

But I was like, oh, I remember this being really like Pinocchio narrative. Like I remember it falling into that archetype. And then they basically say that throughout the movie. Like they're like, this is as if Pinocchio. They make it so obvious. And I thought it was something that I had had some insight about. Now was it?

I thought I made it up. Yeah, this is like, oh boy, this movie reminds me a lot of Home Alone, except now he's lost in New York. Yeah, exactly. This is a lot like Babe, but... It was like written by Stanley Kubrick, right? Yeah, no, or I don't think so. Not like Babe, but... It was written by Stanley Kubrick, right? Yeah.

No, or I don't think so. I think it was all he plotted a good chunk of it out. Right. And then who was it directed? Was it Steven Spielberg? Steven Spielberg. I never saw it. I saw it in the theater, and I thought it was weird.

I don't like Hayley Doolazman. That's another thing that I... What? How could you not? I love him in his role his role in entourage yeah he is good in entourage but you don't like don't like him as a like when he was a kid no i didn't like i didn't you didn't like him did you like him when he played forrest gump's son no i don't think i like i think six cents was like that was kind of cool but he was he was the worst thing about him but now he's an adult he's actually a good character actor so why did you what did you

have against this child yeah i think a lot of movie yeah jealous much absolutely why do those roles only go to kids I keep saying I can see dead people you show up with your like little like beanie with a like view yeah like I'm I'm ready for my close up

Mr. DeMille yeah it's uh I don't know have you ever found a child actor to be annoying no they're all the best okay perfect person and i love them um here's who i like the most amongst child actors that lip nicky oh yeah yeah um yeah he also he looks like a grown-up version of himself like he doesn't he didn't get yes you know but he's he's swole now yeah that's right yeah he got really hot yeah okay i guess tess has a type yeah can you guys just give me a second oh uh sure um yeah no he's he he's cute i think i like i like the uh boys have a penis girls have a vagina kid from kindergarten cop

that kid was great the one that yelled i'm on fire during the fire drill was hilarious i never saw that movie oh it's fun It's not great but it is It's like a lot of fun It was like that was the first silly thing He ever did right Is that Arnold That's my impression He's the governator

Hello I'm Arnold Like his sitcom Hello I'm Arnold Yeah Do we like him Arnold Schwarzenegger Like his sitcom, Hello, I'm Irold. Yeah. Do we like him? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah.

Like his politics? Just, you know, it's an easy question. You know what? Do we like him? I think I like him. I think I like him. First, like, first impulse, yes, because he lives with those donkeys. No, that's Pinocchio.

But he's never, like... The Venn diagram where they overlap is small, but it's pretty. What donkeys was he with? I think he lives with some donkeys. Like, now I don't know if I like them anymore. Now you're freaking me out. Or like some little steeds. I don't know if I like them anymore. So now you're freaking me out. Or like some little steeds. I don't know. Steeds.

Little tiny steeds. I think. Or ponies. Like some like. Some long faced beasts. I was like, you're so out of the ballpark of what I'm thinking of. You can't clarify it by changing the animal okay okay okay i think but i think it's like worth investigating okay yeah and he you know he like

seems like a good guy now he's environmentally conscious and he like makes messages he didn't like donald trump he was always sounding off on twitter against donald trump that's where we disagreed yeah yeah it's rediverted from modeled otherwise identical in every way yeah yeah yeah he's also i recently watched the long goodbye it's that altman movie oh yeah it must have been his one of his first movies he's in it he has like a no dialogue uncredited part he just shows up and is drunk yeah he had to for his first movie he had to his lines had to be dubbed over because he his accent was so thick oh hercules in new york it was called and did he was he hercules he was hercules yeah yeah can you imagine it be called hercules and the biggest guy in the movie isn't him yeah he just plays like a hot dog vendor new york city andrew mccarthy as hercules

that's nuts hey big guy get out of my way who did they get to dub his voice just some other like somebody that had a kind of a... It was Gilbert Godfrey. Great. And that's how he landed that Aflac contract many years later. But yeah, he didn't get to speak until Conan the Barbarian. And then, even then, it was pretty shaky. Oh. Yeah.

Have you ever seen the documentary that he's in? No. It's a... What is it called gray gardens gray gardens it's him and his sister it's arnold and little arnold um no pumping iron it was called and it was him uh like getting mr universe the last title that he was gonna do before he moved moved to Hollywood. And it's crazy. He's very, he's very silly, man. You don't realize that as a weightlifter could be so silly, but there you go.

There's a real goop ball. Is that where he, um, he talks about the pump. What's the pump? Or I think. Oh yeah. Yeah. The pump at the gym. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then he says, fill me in. What are we talking about? what's the pump or i think oh yeah yeah the pump at the gym yes yes yeah yeah okay yeah

and then he said fill me in what are we talking about he says that he when he does the pumps it's like it's the same to him as having an orgasm so that's he when he's at the gym he's having multiple orgasms all the time okay and i think at some point in the video he's like i'm coming all day i'm coming yeah because he because because of the gym feeling yeah if i if the gym felt like that for me i'd be hanging out there a whole lot i would be in better shape i guess the closest for me is you ever get like a really like uh crispy chip like a ruffle like wait all chips are crispy what kind of soggy chips are you no no but like a really like wow the mouthfeel on this one i'm having almost a bit burnt yeah where it's like folded in on

self and you're getting like oh those are good and bread. Oh, those are good too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or if you get a pizza where there's a bubble in the crust. I was like, we're just going to stop at, or if you get a pizza. Yeah. Pizza's great. Yeah. And then there's a coming during the pizza and then a coming during dessert. For me, it's just eating a bag of shrimp chips. If we're talking chips and chip preferences.

Is there a brand of shrimp chips or is it just like generic no it's the same brand that does a lot of really good ramen but now it's escaping me the name starts with an n normans norman's ramen yeah norman's ramen that's how they have to answer the phone yeah norman's ramen nick's noodles how can i help you is it is it nissan yeah yeah maybe like the car company but not quite it's nissan came out with that so tess hello you're on the podcast last february yeah i was what how's it been since that? Personally or globally? Oh, you can talk about it. Yeah, personally.

Because both pretty bad. Oh, no. No, it's no. Like, I have been. Oh, my gosh. All things considered, I'm getting a phone call. And this is not me trying to avoid that question. Yes, but it is.

See, she's an actor. Who's it from? My Beth B now. Put her on. You know what? Prank your loved ones. No, you know what? It's been pretty okay.

It's just been getting used to like a different pace. And I don't know, different. I don't know if you guys have had this in the past year where you're like, oh, this was the three weeks i got really into this thing and this was my way of coping and then it kind of just gets boring or it stops you know feeling good or feels like a good way to mark time and then you just kind of find something else and like have you gone through different cycles of this yeah what were some of the hobbies uh playing poker wow that's a cool one online on online which i'm not good at and i always lost uh money quickly and uh probably the healthiest one was running

i was like i i became like obsessive at running yeah but i mean that's like is it good for you that it's obsessive with running or is it yeah like there yeah there are worse things for sure but i was going out every day for a couple hours running for a couple hours yeah and then ended up i was like i'm gonna i'm gonna just figure out how to run a marathon and then in september ran uh like a marathon distance just yeah yeah that's amazing i mean these i'm starting with the most impressive the other things are like staring at the wall yeah yeah totally uh i'm trying to think even what else i i i've like i'm staying in a place that has a yard and so that's really nice and and i've been spending some time like

enjoying yard work in a big city which feels like really i don't know it's like a treat yeah it's a total treat put on some van morrison rake the leaves just like pretend i have a family well then we'll watch pinocchio later are you exactly are you in Toronto? I'm in Toronto yeah okay so that yard is not a lot of yard work to do from about September to now no but there's shoveling oh yeah shoveling

you get out there with a shovel yeah yeah a little bit nice thanks for supporting that the um I'm blown away by this running thing Yeah, a little bit. Nice. Thanks for supporting that. I'm blown away by this running effect that you were able to run a marathon. That seems impossible in my head. I know people do that.

What do you do with your brain during that? Yeah, exactly. Do you just play back the Malcolm in the Middles that you've seen? Yeah, I try to do, well, half an hour. I try to do about four per run. That's how I also measure my distance. How long did it take you to do that? It took me just over four hours.

That's really good. Oh, wait. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. And did you stop anywhere to have a bacon and eggs or something? A full sandwich? I stopped for a week to just have a rest no no i did like uh five minutes a day exactly i'm sure you've run a marathon um no i i had planted my shoes at my partner's house so i switched shoes twice okay um and i also had like figured out convenience stores where i was gonna buy water along the way so i switched shoes twice okay um and i also had like figured out convenience stores where i was

gonna buy water along the way so i just like had my debit card like because there was because it wasn't like a planned marathon right i was just kind of i don't know trying to stay alive and also do it like how did you know that you were like i I've hit a marathon link. Now I head back. I, I, I did half, uh, and was just doing it on an app. So it was like,

okay, you've done 21 and a half kilometers. And then I was like, well, that's my cue. And then turned around and had headed the other way. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. That's crazy. I mean, it's good. It's crazy. I don't even know what I would do with my brain. So like sometimes it'd be, sometimes it'd be a podcast um you're welcome yeah so thank you honestly could not have done without you um and i'm trying to think yeah i i i do not know um

yeah so you and you knew you were going to change shoes is that a common thing in marathons and in relationships yeah i'd be like babe hold my shoes um i don't know to be honest it's something that the uh is this a famous thing that like who's in charge of the money in the country the top like the treasury treasury The top. Like the treasury? The treasury. No, who's the politician who's like the cabinet minister, the minister of... Finance. Finance? Finance.

Well, when he or she or they present the new budget every year... That's right. They symbolically get a new pair of shoes. They do? Yeah. Yeah. What? It's like a big news story the day that it happens. You guys are pulling a prank on people.

No, it's a dumb political tradition. What is the symbolism? It's not in the Constitution. No, but they will talk about it on the news. Like, well, today's the day. What type of shoes are they getting? You know, a pair of Flubugs. Oh, well, this's the day. What type of shoes are they getting? You know, apparel flu bugs. Well, this is a, yeah, these are not.

Sneakers for sneaking. Yeah. But like, what, why? Or then sometimes they'll be like, oh, he actually brought his shoes to the cobbler to have the soles repaired. Because this year we are really. Right. It's not about spending. It's about getting the most out of what you already have. Because this year we are really, it's not about spending.

It's about getting the most out of what you already have. Is tightening the shoestrings, is that a saying about money? I feel like they say purse strings. Or yeah, purse strings. Purse strings, or belts. Yeah, do up your belt. So why? Pull up your pants. Tighten your fedora ribbon.

Yes. So why the hell? It's as stupid as Groundhog Day. It's as dumb as being like, yeah, okay, so this year we gathered everyone. Sure, sure, sure. To look at a groundhog. Yeah. Right.

This year we gathered everyone to get, and this guy got shoes. And did you know that there's multiple groundhogs in this country and this continent and they all disagree yeah i know wyerton willie but i that's where he's the last name in groundhogs when i as far as i'm concerned well there's poxitani phil and then who's uh the one in nova scotia shubin academy sam shubin academy sam whoa shubin Akadi Sam whoa Shubin Akadi wow that's the name of it star of Dick Tracy I couldn't remember

Glenn Headley but Shubin Akadi Sam no problem that's beautiful Shubin Akadni does Dick Tracy hold up

by the way I think it's a wonderful movie and my partner thinks it's trash now I want to watch it just to see what end of the spectrum I feel I really I think it's a wonderful movie and my partner thinks it's trash. Now I want to watch it just to see what end of the spectrum. I really like the look of it. Yeah, I do too.

Yeah. It's like, that's funny that you say that because I feel like I told someone else I saw it recently and they were like, oh, that movie is so ugly. But I also think it looks cool. Yeah, it looks cool and they made choices. They swung big. There's also something happening where it seems like Madonna is in a movie very much for grown-ups. And everyone else is in a movie for children. Right. And Al Pacino is just kind of running around screaming.

She plays Breathless Mahoney um and she sings a song and uh her piano player is um what's his name mandy patinkin mandy patinkin nice yeah 88 keys yes i saw it so i saw that movie in the theater with my dad and then was your dad angry at you because of this no he's angry because he had to take me twice because i wanted to see it again he was so mad is your dad an ongoing angry character in this podcast no no no okay but it just seems like something that like a dad would be like oh great i got my kid like i'm like i'm i was i'm sure at the time thinking dad it's dick tracy it's from your childhood it's uniting our childhood yeah it's warren baby who you've told me is a big deal even though i don't know i just like this kid in this suit i like this little

orphan charlie korsmo charlie korsmo now there's a kid actor i can really get behind there you go see we finally found one yeah he's a doll we talked about him a few months ago I think because he was in he only was in like four movies and they're all great he was in that he was in Hook he was in What About Bob he was in Can't Hardly Wait

and I think he's a doctor or a lawyer I looked him up recently did you guys also do this a couple months ago I feel like someone when we were talking about it someone said he was like um problematic now apologies to charlie corzmo and the corzmo estate the corzmo estate is a really big uh it's a sponsor of this podcast yeah it has been for many years i don't know why we keep tempting fate you know you keep bringing them up and then i can only go so far um is there anything is there another movie that as a youth you thought it was amazing and then you saw it as an adult

you were like oh no oh no it's a terrible thing oh what a good question i'm sure, it's a terrible thing. Oh, what a good question. I'm sure probably. It's weird. I had that experience with my mom. She was like, we're always raving about Cat Baloo. And she was like, I can't wait to show you this movie. I love Cat Baloo from my childhood. And then from my childhood. Who am I speaking to?

And then we watched it and she was like, I remember that being better. And I don't remember the movie at all, but I just remember the whole kind of the experience of watching that with my mom. Yeah. What about you guys? I'm trying to think. There was one that I

watched a couple years ago, but when I was like years, a couple of years ago, but when I was watching it with a friend, they very, like in the first five minutes, she was like, this is bad. This is a bad movie.

You, you probably in your kid mind, this was all amazing, but it was like within the first five minutes. Terrible. It's true. It was terrible. And the other one is the crow. The crow. what's the crow

the crow is brandon lee son of bruce it's a very goth movie that's fun yeah and it's he that's cool he's like an undead he somebody kills him and then a crow brings his soul back and it's a comic book based on a comic book and as a kid i was like well this is good as movies get this is they should stop making movies now they've done the best one yeah that he was bruce lee's son right yeah and he died on the movie yeah he got shot with someone put the wrong bullet in the gun and shot him and that shouldn't happen like that shouldn't even come close to happening no that's it yeah but it was like it was the best movie ever and then i watched it maybe three years ago and i was like oh dear i remember when i was a kid i saw like five minutes of this movie called cloak and dagger with the little boy from et and uh dabney coleman

star studded and it had like it was about a video game and it was like the video game had like spy stuff in it and they were trying to transport the cartridge somewhere and i when amazon became a thing that was shipped to canada in like 1999 i bought like five vhs tapes of things from my childhood that i was like no video store has these things i can't find them and i got cloak and dagger i got the peanut butter solution and uh you know what? None of them hold up. No, the one I was thinking about was a boxing one called Diggstown. And it was James Woods.

It was Louis Gossett Jr. Louis Gossett Jr. And I loved it as a kid. I thought it was so funny. And within the first five minutes, I was like, oh, this is all very terrible. The dialogue is horrible. And James woods now is a bad guy so is it a lot of like hey welcome to digstown is it is that really not a lot of it but enough to enough to say a little goes a long way and that's your problem right there um no it was a funny like the premise was very funny that this guy

would get a million dollars if he fought 20 people like he's an old boxer if he fought 20 people in a row uh and one to beat them yeah he had to beat them all to get this money i don't know if the money like it was you know they were going to blow up his house if he didn't win and they win money if he did um but yeah it was bad that's the way it goes yeah in digs town in digs town i feel like that's uh yeah like they got a stakes note somewhere along the way in the screenplay where they were like so he wins the money or he doesn't win the money yeah that seems like enough they were like raise the stakes they were like okay uh or they blow up his house yeah i like this term uh what did you say it was steak steaks no steaks no oh steaks note no a note on the stakes yeah being like they're they're too low like what if how do we raise the stakes why is this a movie yeah fellas we love it now why is it a movie

have you ever pitched anything me yeah uh-huh it's gone okay i've been in over the past for the past year actually i've been writing a lot of christmas movies for the oh really yeah yeah so pitching in that world of being like small town uh etc did we talk about this the last time you were on the podcast oh maybe maybe a little bit because i think every christmas movie like tv movie takes place in a small town yeah there's definitely yeah there's definitely the tropes to hit yeah like what's another one is that the woman is too busy with her life to really uh settle down with somebody but this week that she spends in buttfuck nowhere all of a sudden it's her christmas in buttfuck there was a cool one this year um i actually haven't seen it but i the premise looks so fun

which was like a a takeoff of the christmas movies and it was called like oh letters to satan clause this is good and was it like a horror twist on on the genre which seemed really fun yeah but like how do you canadian independent films letters to satan claus but shout out to all of them yeah absolutely it's not easy to like it's difficult to write a movie right yeah yes do you try and make it like fun or funny or are you just like, it has to be. Yeah. I've, I've really enjoyed, enjoyed writing it, especially in the,

in like the pandemic because the, the fantasy of it is so it's like such a nice escape. Yeah. And also there's something about it that does feel like a, like a Rubik's cube of kind of getting all the, getting all the elements to click in a way that just feels like, Oh, that feels nice.

As opposed to that feels like a reach or yeah. So it's been, it's been, it's been fun. That's cool. That's like, it's one of those things. I met a guy years and years ago and he write,

he was the writer for like the fifth installment of all these ass horror movies that were big in the eighties. So like some companies still own the rights to like the ghoulies or something like that. Oh my God. Right. Ghoulies seven or whatever. My truly my dream job.

I'm a, yeah, go on. You're a big ghoulies head. I just got so into gremlins like two weeks ago. Oh really? Had you been into it before? No, I never, never seen it.

I saw the first one a couple months ago. And then, and I was like, that was pretty fun. And then the second one, I was like screaming and running around. Like I was like hyper and happy in a way that i was like oh i didn't i didn't know i had access to this kind of joy still wow one of them's a christmas movie right uh yeah the first one yeah because it's a christmas gift and then the second one everything goes completely bananas yeah and they're in that big tower yeah yeah and hulk hogan's in it as a guy watching the movie within the movie yes there was so and leonard malton reviews the first gremlins

in the second gremlins yes so kind of supposing that the movie they've the movie gremlins exists in that world yeah but a world where they've been warned about yeah it's because of the movie Gremlins exists in that world. Yeah, but a world where they've been warned about Gremlins because of the movie and they're still like, we're going to do it anyways. Yeah, and they're still like, what are these? What are these Gremlin looking guys? I love them so much. I love when they just go nuts. Now I'm trying to figure if there's anything

else in that genre that's fun. Like, Ghoulies was fun, but it's gross. Like, it it's gross. Like, it's more gross. Is it more horror-y? It's more... I only know Ghoulies as a video store, the video box, of this little monster who is coming out of a toilet. Yeah, and he's written on the toilet with lipstick. Oh, yes.

Ghoulies, whatever. Leprechaun is in that. Yeah, Leprechaun is in that yeah leprechaun is insane as well scary little critters yeah the one he made one of the there's like five of them and one of them was gremlins three uh which was him and gremlin and leprechaun three oh yeah sorry leprechaun three uh leprechaun in the hood and then they did a sequel to that movie and they kept the leprechaun series as is but they branched off to him being in the hood and uh it's great okay cool let me just say you're gonna want to watch it so what what are the movies that you guys remember the most from the video store as a kid where you're just like to me this is just a poster oh yeah dc cab is the one where uh mr t has ripped the door off of a taxi cab

there was jack frost the uh michael keaton movie but then there was jack frost the horror movie which had like a did it have a hologram cover it did yeah if you moved it back and forth he was snowman and then he had a skeleton face yeah i thought when did that come out that's late 90s so i wasn't a child oh god yeah i've got my friends and i were obsessed with it was it good the movie or just the cover no it was really it was like it was bad but they kind of knew what they were doing so there was a lot of dialogue in it that's really silly. And then during the credits, they cherry-picked lines that didn't make any sense in the movie and put them in between credits. So that was pretty fun.

Everybody had probably a blast working on it. But I'm trying to think of what else. What's another movie that... There was one. I can't remember. I think I talked about maybe on the podcast before where there's like a, a goblin man up like on the bed of a woman that's sleeping. And he's like looking at you,

this goblin man. And it's terrified me. Is he hunched? Yes. Yes. Yes. Exactly what you're doing. I'm doing,

but yeah, I see. You're doing a hunched goblin man yeah yeah but i mean the the listener the listener can't okay to describe her she's kind of doing like a goblin but hunched yeah kind of a hunched goblin maybe on somebody's sheet somewhere yeah really spiking the the lens yeah who is he what do you have want um yes i do and now my oh yeah multiplicity oh yeah multiplicity is there another one michael keaton like is there another michael keaton one that's called like time crunch or something like that and he's in between two buildings and there's a clock

oh there should be isn't the groundhog day cover like he's getting squeezed by two clocks yeah i've never really thought about that cover i can like really picture it but i can only see his bill murray's little mug yeah yeah but it was like a type of poster that worked really well in the 90s and dracula dead and loving it for some reason I think because I was like fascinated as a kid that I was like what are you talking about this movie's not for me look at this guy like I was so confused that it would have like grown-up content like right in it but but just be like look like my friends at Halloween who Who said it wasn't for you? Your parents? My mommy.

Were you... You're from Saskatchewan? Yeah. Isn't Leslie Nielsen also from Saskatchewan? Yeah, he is. He's from Regina. Shouldn't you have to watch it? Yeah. Hey, mom, I'm learning about our land.

Exactly. All Saskatchewan contents for kids. That's our town motto of the province. How did you eventually get the ability to watch Dracula Dead and Loving It? I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I know.

It's not great, but you should close this chapter of your life. Yeah, I really should. Maybe some other things would start to fall into place for me. Yeah, yes. Change one thing, ripple effect, right? That's incredible, yeah. Maybe some butterfly I need to flap its little wing.

To flap its fucking wing. Yeah, come on, butterfly. Get the fuck off the fucking orchid, you bitch. Oh my god, the gangster's back. Oh yeah, the gangster reappears no gangster mad at a butterfly get some fucking nectar and flap

your fucking wings you butter shit motherfucking butter shit I think the takeaway was butter shit yeah I got a real mouthful of saliva on that one. Someone's going to wipe their mic afterwards. Tess, have you been in movies?

Have you done movies? Are you mostly theater? Mostly theater. If anyone wants to put me in a good movie, I'll do it. Oh, she won't do bad movies all of a sudden. No, that's not what I mean at all. Well, we were looking for someone to be in our bad movie, but... No, I'll do it.

At least him. I'll do your bad movie. Give me a chance. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, I want to say yes, but I haven't done many. Yeah. But like, was it fun to work on a movie? Yeah, I loved it. I try to do it all the time

yeah why don't you do it more yeah i'm trying if you love it so much huh yeah hayley joel osmond took all my all my little parts my little parts were okay you're sent out when they say we want a Haley Joel Osment type your agent cuts you your agent Stevie Wonder he's blind I'm aware I assume you look like Haley Joel Osment big bushy beard that is the vibe

I give off energetically yeah do you have you guys what who do you think is your have you okay for two questions do you get celebrity lookalikes ever like are people have you have you been told you're celebrity doppelganger no but we would love to hear them yeah well no not to make them up i know the ones that I've been told that are on the mean side of things. Not at all complimentary. Okay. That's fair.

Yeah. But you want to know what they are? Sure. Only if you want to tell them. Oh, sure. It was there on a YouTube video. So you can see the comments. Somebody said that I look like a combination

of burt kreischer and alex jones which uh whoa i think they're just confused because they see a mic yeah right that's but i wasn't doing the mic it was this was on a youtube clip from years ago oh that was the top they're still were you shirtless yeah i was shirtless? Yeah, I was shirtless. Dave, you know my policy. Shirt only for podcasts. The rest of the time, shirtless. No shirt, no shoes. That's me. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. When you were last on the podcast, you had talked about what? Who's your celebrity lookalike? Oh, yeah. I think I look like, i've told this people before patrick fugate and almost famous every time i see that movie something it's something about the expressions he has they look exactly the way i feel like i look like when i turn my camera on and when i turn my phone on and the camera's front facing, I'm like,

wow. Yeah. It's like, I like relate to his face. I don't know how to explain it. Did you come up with it on your own? Did somebody say you look like, no, that one's that one's from me.

Wow. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I think Graham, I could see a big Lebowski Jeff Bridges thing for you. I'll take it and Dave harder to pin down a new haircut yeah but you didn't see me before I know it's true but I have

seen you before I'm gonna I'm gonna figure it out by the end of no don't worry about it no I'm not worried okay I'm very fucking chill I was speaking of youtube comments last time you're on you talked about a youtube video that that you will you wished you wished that somebody said hey that girl looks cool and what happened and what happened the cutest thing in the world yeah but time with your listeners mccain mccain superfry commercial yeah and then uh and then yeah a bunch of listeners just found the commercial online and just commented this girl seems cool which is like the i mean obviously i'm biased because i was the girl in question it was just very nice but i was also just like this is such cute internet behavior like to pile on and just be like she she she

admitted to wanting something we'll humor her like with this pretty good it's got 88 comments and i would say otherwise there's really no reason to comment on a commercial yeah that's right yeah on a frozen french fry commercial i found it very sweet yeah good job listeners you're the best good job yeah you have good listeners you guys we do it's no there's no doubt about it we are we are blessed is the um blessed by god my friend had a baby a few weeks ago and the baby's listening to the podcast. I was talking to him and he was like, well, yeah,

we're very blessed in a non-Christian way. Or maybe he said it the other way. We're very blessed in a very Christian way. I forget. It was funny anyway. Um, yeah. Uh,

has anybody told you that you look like somebody or is that just the one that you figured you look like when i was a teen and i was serving i used to get goldie hawn sometimes okay from like the the patrons at pasta prima and regina saskatchewan tell me all about it i thought you meant you were serving face oh yeah no i don't talk like that what was bigger pasta prima pasta pasta yeah what would you what was like oh there was something called the godfather combo that seemed insane it was like a tiny lasagna and a fettuccine alfredo and a chicken parm wow for godfathers if someone would finish it did they get their picture tacked up on the wall or something like what was the second part sorry i i was thinking about the tiny lasagna uh tiny lasagna lasagna fettuccine alfredo

and a chicken parm but sometimes people would make the f fettuccine Alfredo into a fettuccine carbonara, which is even more deranged. Wow. This is, was this a thing people ordered often or was it a special like fun thing that you got? it was like,

it was, it was number seven. People got it all the time. It sounds great. Well, I, I wouldn't have it today because I'm feels like a you know a lot of bloat coming on yeah so there's a lot of description but like uh if i it would be more of a day if i

had i could have it for lunch and then skip dinner yes yeah um i think i figured out your look-alike here it comes yeah uh the oh my god now what's his name spike jones oh spike jones yeah i think so that works sure fine okay yeah it's yeah i mean what what are you what's the person supposed to say ever yeah that's totally but but i do think that i'm right when people said hey you got a kind of a Goldie Hawn vibe, what would you say? I'd be like. Thanks. So do you want me to put the little lasagna here? Yeah, exactly.

Or do you want it in your pocket? Yeah, that's part of serving. You ask where people want you to put their food. You kind of remind us. We were talking while you were away. You kind of remind us of Gold talking while you were away you kind of remind us of goldie haunt oh cool this plate is very hot do not touch it yeah just tell me when to say when you do pepper you do parm did you do what's the longest year did you do the parm where you cranked it yeah you gotta crank you gotta crank pepper what was there ever a uh like a if someone didn't say when on the parm did you ever have to stop like what's

yeah restaurant policy if no one says when on the parm you just do it till you die the restaurant closes you're still there doing it just working your fingers down the bone i mean like that's a that's some probably pound for pound the most expensive thing oh and they're getting it for free that's true actually well it's not free but i guess well they've already ordered the food yeah but like whether you say when you say when right away or if you just like let them go on and on get a mound of it you pay the same right yeah that is that is true and the restaurant's not open now so i don't think so i don't think there was ever like a staff meeting where they were like you're getting pretty loose on the parm portions there did you ever have our policy is say when

or i count to 10 what was the name of this place pastor prima pastor prima and it's not there anymore no unfortunately i would love to. God, I'd love to go there. I'd love to go to any restaurant. Yeah, me too. But there are certain restaurants that if it was only one of them open and they're like, you could go to this restaurant. There's some I can think of that I wouldn't want to go to.

That's true. Yeah. What was the last restaurant you guys went to? And sat down in? Yeah. Like, as if it's so far. Whoa, I don't know. I, um, it was the one up the street, the, the, the pub up the street.

And I just remember I went, I, uh, was on a hockey team last year. And then the, I had a, at the end of the game i was just like so hungry and i uh went for a whole meal at like 9 30 at night nice oh that's a treat i feel like i was always eating a meal at 9 30 on canby street for some reason yeah that's when i was in vancouver yeah we work up a terrible hunger walking here lots Lots of sloped sidewalks and slipping all over the place because of the rain. That takes a lot of energy. At the end of the day, you're exhausted. I lost my voice.

I feel like I slipped and slid a whole marathon today. It's the only city whose motto is, and the coat of arms is a guy, like, trying to keep his balance. The flailing man is the mascot of the city. Just like a kind of clip art. Yeah. Clip art guy. I honestly can't remember the last restaurant that I was at before.

I think it was probably, like, just a place I go regularly. You've sat outside at restaurants during the pandy though, right? During the summer I did, yeah. Sat on some patios. I'm excited for the summer. Yeah, me too. I'm usually not, but this year this summer is going to be great.

Like being able to go outside and have like, you know, 20% of the people around me might have been vaccinated. Yes. Yeah. It feels so good. What a thrill. But the vulnerable ones too.

And that's very exciting. Yeah. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Nothing. Okay. I watched a movie. Which movie?

I watched a film this week uh a film on netflix uh it is called the dig oh yeah is that have you seen it it's an old old-timey movie it's an old-timey movie about ray fines digging up a boat out of the dirt uh on carrie mulligan's property nice have you seen it graham no but i i watched the trailer for it and i was like i am out it was very calm it's a very calm movie yeah graham why were you out what were the things in it that did not interest you i don't like period pieces all that much and i don't like a period piece where there's for sure not going to be any excitement whatsoever like like this this guy's digging a hole on a woman's property like raise those stakes exactly if only her house was going to blow up this is exactly what i need

there are yeah there the stakes are are very low in this so this is in a movie it takes place in the 30s in uh england on someone's property ginormous property and she's uh there's these giant mounds and she hires a guy who's a famous digger a renowned digger sure dig it up dig town he's not educated and uh therefore the people from the museums don't respect him right he's not an actual archaeologist and so it's all about like will this guy get credit for digging up this boat that sounds great i love when the thrill is just kind of like i don't know well will he have a good time yeah yeah exactly maybe he finds that boat maybe not like he's digging a lot he's wearing some he's wearing a whole suit the entire time because it's old-timey england um and ray finds uh in in real life is uh 58 years old and he plays

a character who's 58 years old carrie migan is the woman who owns the property. She's 35 years old. She's playing a character who's 59 years old. It never comes up that in real life, she's actually like older than him. I mean, I don't think that could come up in real life. No,

but like, it doesn't come up in the movie that like, it doesn't come up that her character like no way but like it doesn't come up in the movie that like it doesn't come up that her character she's not like oh they never mentioned that she's actually 59 they just she's just i thought you meant they didn't mention they were actors and it was a movie by the way you're carrie mulligan yeah i know right yeah i'm married to the guy from mumford and sons even i'm surprised uh that's that's crazy so do they have her in in like old age makeup no no no it's not it's just like when you look up the real story you're like oh she's actually it like in the she she's getting

sick uh as it's happening and at the end credits it's like she died a few years later like the thing comes up on the screen you're like oh that poor young woman and then you see oh she was like 65 in 1940 and it's like okay well that was that was life expectancy back then yeah i wonder like there are there are many actors who are that age. Yeah, but when are you going to, how are you going to sell the movie to Netflix if you're going to? Oh, you sell it on the premise alone. You say it's a guy and a gal, guy meets girl, guy digs hole. Digs boat.

Yeah. I'm just a guy standing in front of a girl asking him if he can dig out the boat in her yard. Digging her boat out. Digging out her boat and just like, while people from a couple of museums argue about where the boat's going to live. I actually do kind of like when the stakes

are just like vaguely academic and something. Rye, it's my favorite genre is people sitting quietly. Have you seen The Crown? Mm-hmm. That's very much that. Yeah, The Crown, Queen's Gambit. Does that also have some quiet sitting? That's all it is.

It's about chess. I'm really looking forward to watching this movie Puzzle that I a couple weeks ago imitation game that imitation game is uh well people stand up to write things on a blackboard too much standing yes but then uh but then they sit down that's when it gets really wild yeah maybe i'll re-watch thatess, what is your favorite movie category that's as specific as Dave's people sitting around films? I might need a second to think about that. Like mine is any. You can think about it until I'm done grading this Parmesan cheese. Oh, no.

Ten. Ten seconds. Say when or ten. I don't know my my first impulse is to say bright colors okay something like for instance i guess dick tracy uh speed racer speed racer um like a lot of pixar what's a really calming movie to me? Yeah, maybe period pieces. I don't know. How about you?

I like a movie where, like, a plucky woman bests her opponent. I like that kind of movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Battle of the Sexes. Yeah, like, it's, you know, all the odds are against her, and somehow she figures her way out. I like that kind of movie. Give me an example um aaron brockovich yeah aaron brockovich dirty rod and scoundrels yeah dirty rod and scoundrels oh yeah she these are all yeah i'm trying to think of one that i watched recently uh i'll get back to you um tess answer the question now I don't know I I like a movie where at some point a character kind of winks at the camera oh nice like a Mel Brooks kind of or maybe that's why I liked

Gremlin so much because finally Hulk was talking to me if you like Mel Brooks can I recommend Dracula dead and loving it I know I really gotta see it I think it's probably easy to find too, so. I think you don't need to see it. Maybe you owe it to yourself, but I think it's probably bad. What else am I going to do with my time? That's true. Watch every Mel Brooks movie. Yeah. Have you guys seen Silent Movie? Yeah. Ugh, so good. That used to be my favorite movie

when I was a kid. Actually, that's one that I'd be curious to see if it holds up. Yeah. I've never seen it, but I know it's got famous trivia about it. About the only words fucking? Yeah. Dave, I feel like I eclipsed. You were saying you watched a movie

this week. No, I mean you did not eclipse anything. Or like derailed. Yeah. So Dave, you watched a movie. Did you like it? I watched a movie. What's up with you? dave you watched the movie did you like i watched the movie what's up with you well no wait did you like the movie huh well it doesn't matter i'm just curious what an odd question what is like yeah um i i also watched a movie this week that was kind of batshit insane called Body Double.

It's a movie from the 80s. Oh, I recorded that. Did you? I don't know if I did. You should watch it. Is that De Palma? Yes. Is it horny?

Yes. Very horny. Yeah. I was just talking about this, but I haven't seen it. I'm horny yes very horny yeah i was just talking about this but i haven't seen it horny maybe me and this movie would hit it off yeah we seem to have a lot in common but there's so many things in it that like i don't want to ruin it for anybody who's like i'm gonna watch it just to see how insane it is but uh like who's in it the only kind of notable actor is uh melanie griffith in her first role like in her first movie role and she's really good in it but the lead is not super great and the

the plot is given away by the title of the movie oh no there's like a twist about having a body double yes and that was it turns out it was a body double yeah it was like if the sixth sense was called the bruce willis is dead the actor's name is dead just the actor um but yeah if anybody wants to track it down and watch it I won't spoil anything for you it isn't already spoiled by the title of the movie but that was wild and the other thing that happened this week

is I got a new I'm just going to make a note to myself record horny movies or record horny movies just in general oh yeah I mean I don't have there's nothing that can I don't have the's nothing that can there's i don't have

the horny movie channel just that'd be kind of at this point kind of sweet if you did like what what year did body double come out 1984 oh my god george orwell would have something to say about that. Yes, absolutely. Boy, Horny, 1984. I mean, great. I got nothing. But it is insane.

Brian De Palma is a guy that I've been told he's very good, but then sometimes I watch something like that and I'm like hmm. What would I know of his? Did he do Scarface? He did Scarface. Oh yeah I put on Carlito's Way the other night at like 2am and fell asleep but that's also De Palma. Yeah. Is Heat also?

Very good. Pardon? Oh Panto the Paradise is hilarious. That's wonderful. Heat is Michael Mann. Oh Michael Mann. That's right right and that movie doesn't hold up by the way it doesn't hold up to my friend having a poster on his wall I don't think it was ever good like I think it's something that

oh yeah Pagino, De Niro, Kilmer Kilmer? Tone Loke Tone Loke it's got the mount rushmore of actors in it hey kids this has got tone loke in it this is gonna be my pick this week yeah kids are watching three and a half hours what um speaking of posters that your friend had yeah what what were your guys's like

university posters on your wall oh mine was uh we had i i had like star wars and the breakfast club oh yeah yeah yeah because i was like yeah i guess i was a little bit retro yeah uh-huh yeah uh-huh that's cute which star wars like i guess just in general just like the genre sure just a spaceship and the font yeah i had like a death star and a bunch of uh spaceships whizzing around yeah the stars themselves you know. You know, X-Wings, Y-Wings. Oh, yeah. J-Wings. Gotta get them. Gotta catch them all. Yeah.

You? Yeah, what do you have up? I'm sure some kind of Amelie bullshit. That checks out, hey? Yeah, I mean, why not? There's the worst things to have posters of, like that goblin on the bed. That would be a terrible poster now was that i feel like that was called like sleepwalker or like night crawler or it was something like that yeah i i also have a memory of that um yeah uh i didn't go i didn't live in residence at university so it's just the same

posters i had from when i was a teenager you know which were i think there was maybe maybe a simpsons one and then i had a black and white one of buster keaton oh yeah where he's like on the side of a building clock no that's uh what's his name uh harold lloyd harold lloyd Oh, that's a different young man. Yeah. Excuse me, young man. Get off of my clock, please. What's Buster Keaton up to in your poster and these days? House falls on him, but the window misses him. He's standing on a thing.

Yeah. He's like, you know, pushing a pump trolley, that kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. It was him, I think, just sitting, exactly. It was him. I think just sitting, sitting, it was him sitting, taking some time off. He's influencing Johnny Depp in that movie. Mordecai.

Yep. Oh, what was it called? Benny and June, Benny and June. I really thought it was, you went Mordecai. So the other thing that happened this week was uh i got a new fridge in the apartment

whoa yeah it's a big deal like the huey lewis song i got a new fridge yeah papa's got a brand new fridge um what uh was wrong with the old bridge too Too warm? It was like the, what do you call it? Like the kind of rubber part around the door had like peeled back. And so it was just like, you could walk by it and you could feel the cold coming out of it. I feel like that's a pretty quick fix if you have a little rubber lying around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the landlord was informed that the rubber pieces need to be repaired, and they just said, you're getting a new fridge. Nice.

So, got a new fridge. Here's the one thing about getting a new fridge, is there's a lag time between when they take your fridge away and when the new fridge comes. So you're just in, like, a very food-based limbo. I thought you were going to say there was like, there's a lag time with new fridge. You got to let them, you go to open the door and it takes three or four seconds for the door to open. You got to break it in.

Do they, is it a smart fridge? It, it beeps if you leave the door open very long so i think that's yeah what's what is a smart fridge do i don't know i think you can be like tell me when i need milk or something but i feel like i saw something hey you need milk i think i saw something what show is it there was a show where like i swear to god a smart fridge like solved a crime or something yes this is good this is good and i'm gonna search it out there's a kind where you can push the button and see what's inside there's like a camera inside but then you it's you're just

solving the problem of opening the door yeah right right right no it wasn't a crime it was a tweet no it wasn't a crime it was a tweet someone it was like a teenager on twitter or something oh my brain it wasn't a crime but like she had been she was her phone was taken away from her so she was tweeting her or she was like texting her friends from the smart fridge i love it that's cool i think she's cool this generation coming This generation coming up, they've got it. They've got it. And they're not afraid to flaunt it. I love it. Yeah.

So tell me about the lag time. Well, so the fridge came in, but like I had to clean out the fridge that I had. And then I had to find a place for it to live overnight because they were coming first thing in the morning. It was days apart. It was a day apart. Well, they because they were coming first thing in the morning it was days apart it was a day apart uh well they were going to come first thing in the morning so it had to be empty uh oh they were going to bring in the new one and so i i was like i don't know what i'm gonna do and the the manager couldn't you just put everything in like a bag in the fridge and then pull it out at the last minute? Uh,

you would think so, but there's so many things in a fridge. What do you have in a fridge? Uh, just stuff, man. Like stuff that you're like, uh,

um, what's the weirdest thing in your fridge? Weirdest thing in my fridge. There's this little goblin guy. And he likes it. Every time I open the door, he goes, I like it cold.

And then he closes the door. My nipples hard. Oh, that's incredible. I had to move all the stuff down to a fridge in the basement boiler room. And a public fridge. Or you also rent the boiler room. Yes you you also rent the boiler room yes i also rent the boiler room there's a guy in there who likes it hot i like it hot uh anyways uh i

transported all my food down to this fridge fridge and freezer fridge and it wouldn't i couldn't put it like it was too much stuff to get into this tiny little fridge. So the building manager had to come and do it for me. And she kept saying, you have too much food. And I was like, yeah, well that's what you think. You're just one person. What was

there anything, you're on the border of like, I don't need to, like this ketchup can live 24 hours. Yeah, I kept all the condiments nearby in case a hot dog somehow worked its way into my life. But I, yeah. What's your wackiest condiment? Probably like, what is it, horseradish?

Horseradish, I think. Oh, yeah, that's cool. But it's kind of like something i'd never eat but has trans like followed me from fridge to fridge yeah but it really goes gets into your sinuses if you need something to clear out your sinuses yeah it's the neti pot of condiments what about you dave what's your wackiest condiment um We have multiple mayonnaises. We have multiple. I have a few onion spreads. Onion spreads?

What the H? Yeah, I like onions. I like pickled onions. Not pickled onions. Is this like a relish situation? What's an onion spread? An onion spread is, I don't know exactly. Because a few years ago, there a brand of like caramelized onions.

Okay. That you could buy at the store. And then I couldn't find them anymore. And I was trying to find an alternative. And I don't want to, you know, make my own. Because I feel like if you buy them in a jar, then they're good for a year. But if you make them yourself, then you're making them every six weeks. I think that's probably true. And then really it's for a year. But if you make them yourself, then you're making them every six weeks. I think that's probably true.

And then, really, it's through the summer. I like to have them on my burgers and hot dogs. Your barbecue foods. My barbecue foods. Feuds. I have some barbecue feuds. Barbecue feuds, and you get the food for the... I'm going through a bit of a barbecue feud right now

with Bobby Flay. But, yeah. So I would buy things like this this is brown this is brown and it looks it's full of onions it's in a jar maybe this will be good and so I have a few of those I love you seem like such a tidy person I love knowing that you've got a bunch of brown onion jars in your fridge. Is that not tidy? I don't know. It's on the edge for sure. Yeah, it is. It seems like something a messy person would eat.

Yeah, I'm not tidy. Okay. Neither am I. That's all. Oh, yeah. Hey, Graham. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Keep going. No, no. Go on. I just realized we got a bunch of mail. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got. And this is like from this is like a couple months worth. I kept forgetting that they were in my house.

We live. We live so close to a different UPS store. Why don't we switch our PO box? Yeah, we might do. That's exciting. You guys got mail. Yeah. Cool. A lot of fun stuff somebody sent uh so i have the box right here yeah yeah but like i also i had some stuff that like i split it in half

uh but did we finish your fridge story yeah i got the fridge tell is it um and it rules white white or silver silver yeah yeah can't put any magnets on that though oh yeah no ours is magnetized maybe it's white i can't remember i'm only concerned with what's inside yeah this is your this is your test before you go on the witness stand when you have to tell us the color of my tie and also the color of your fridge go go run and see what color it is um so we got some oh he actually got up and went oh my god now i gotta talk to the guest oh god what a nightmare um this is like uh there's a video of diane keaton where she's like oh i i just i need a fork she's in her kitchen and then she like runs away and it seems like she just like never comes back and it begs the question so big well it begs the question where does diane keaton keep her forks

because she seems to go to a different room entirely oh graham yeah it was brown what is it a modern no no it's not brown it's white i just thought it'd be very funny that i was like like steenly steel or white oh no it's brown they made brown brown fridges in the 70s and that's where i had to stash my stuff was in a brown fridge in the boiler room i bet they made fridges better back in the day oh yeah this one's still humming along doesn't have any rubber issues on the door you can't text from it but uh if you have a landline you can put your phone on it um so we got some mail uh it's a lot of christmas mail yeah a lot of christmas mail oh my god are people sending So we got some mail.

It's a lot of Christmas mail. Yeah, a lot of Christmas mail. Oh, my God. Are people sending you their letters to Santa? Yes. We should have really. You guys fucked up. We were negligent in our duties.

H-O-H-O-H-O. Yes. Incredible postal code. It's so confusing to hear. Go on. Especially considering the way postal codes work in this country, where it's like east to west. Like we're V out here on the west and then Toronto's M. But where's H?

H is somehow the North Pole. North Pole, H-O-H. That's the way it goes. And also just to hear ho, ho, ho broken down to O-H-O. It's like that doesn't make. Also, it's technically a zero for. For the listeners. For the post-doc.

Don't tell the kids. So we got some lovely notes and presents, gifties, little gifties and gift cards. I got some from john m something from liz in new orleans knowledge and uh something from mora o um i i you just handed me these second hand so i I don't know who, which things are from whom. Yeah. That's, I also do not know which things are from whom. I know Liz in New Orleans,

um, gave this shirt, which is a, uh, I don't know, opening it here. Um, Oh my God.

Dr. Niles crane. It's the Frazier logo, but it says Niles. And it's got a big picture of Niles. Now, let me get the one that she sent me. One sec. Okay, Graham, get up again.

Oh, that is incredible. I hate to see Graham go, but I sure like to watch him leave or whatever. But I sure like to watch him do other stuff. Yeah, I guess. Oh, my God. Graham's revealed an incredible Dr. Frasier crane shirt. Oh. Yeah.

Kelsey looks so uncomfortable in the picture. There was a Starbucks gift card. There was an Amazon gift card. These are unnecessary. What? This is mail from people? Yeah. We only demand you send us monthly donations.

That's it. I'm telling you, you've got great listeners. Who sent this Jeff Goldblum beer koozie? I am not sure. Well, thank you. The person out there knows who they are. And some beard bomb. I think this was probably sent when I had a beard.

And check out the brand name on this. Everyman Jack. Everyman Jack. beard bomb i think this was probably sent when i had a beard and check out the brand name on this every man jack every man jack that's what uh tarzan said when he was a sex ed teacher sir is it okay to masturbate every man jack uh me tarzan you uh abstain um and oh graham i there's more there's even more because abby uh received something uh abby got some pots sent to her okay uh from listener brian g philadelphia and in addition to those pots the the ceramics uh he sent us both these things from uh that were given they were from burger king in the 1988 and there are a couple of our alf puppets that's amazing i remember my friend had one of them when i was a kid and it it blew my mind and one is cooking alf and one is rock and roll Alf. That's the greatest. That is the greatest. Where's the,

where's the puppet apparatus? Like, is it behind the head? Where do you think it is? Where's it up the butt? Oh my God. Hey, I'm Alf here.

Hey, I'm Alf. I like to eat your cats. Okay. Those are incredible. They are beautiful. They will, like, if you get it within five feet of them you will have an asthma attack right they are the dustiest i was like wow they used real animal fur they're just they have. Are those elf puppets mink?

Can I skin those elf puppets? Make myself a nice shawl. Yeah, some mob wife is wearing these elf puppets. They fell off a truck. Oh, these old things, they're elf puppets, yeah. My sugar daddy got me these elf puppets. thank you uh to everyone who sent us gifts if you um you don't have to send us gifts but if you have anything interesting you ever want to send us yeah we have a uh post office box address on our uh uh on every episode yeah and the postal code

maximumfund.org postal code is what tess h-o-h-o-h-o there you go and here's some mail i recently got uh tell me about it it's from my accountants and it's a picture of a dog on the computer yes wearing sunglasses nice um should we move on to some overheards? Sure Yay Hey, I'm Janet Varney, host of the JV Club Podcast Ah, high school Was it a time of adventure, romance, and discovery? Class of 95, we did it! Or a time of angst, disappointment, and confusion? We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place but

enjoy adulthood i guess the truth is it was both so join me on the jv club podcast where i invite some great friends like kristin bell angela kinsey oscar nunez neil patrick harris and keegan michael key to talk about high school the good the, the bad, and everything in between. My teenage mood swings are getting harder to manage. The JV Club. Find it on Maximum Fun. Overheard. Alright, here we go. All ready? Overheard? Are y'all ready for this?

Man, that was a song Are y'all ready for this? Man, that was a song I could not get enough of as a kid. And move it, move it. This is the top of music. I like to move it, move it, yeah. Yeah. Did you know that that was, so that was, that was too unlimited. Yeah. They also did no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no there's a great video of york singing it um with a piano player accompanying her

um they also did uh what was what was too unlimited's other song it was the one from mortal kombat yeah the one that said more it was called mortal kombat because he says like mortal Mortal Kombat in the song. Yeah, they do say that, but it went Ah, boy, let me find it. Two Unlimited, what are they? Danish? I have to search my country. It was called Twilight Zone.

That song was called Twilight Zone? Yeah. This is what I'm talking about. This is... Did you ever have much video dance at your school? Sure did. Say what you will about music. That song's good.

I didn't know there was rapping in it. I rescind my enthusiasm. Who's better, 2 Unlimited or Technotronic? What's Technotronic? Technotronic did Pump Up the Jam. I say neither, and my vote is C&C Music Factory. My vote is Creedence Clearwater Revival. C&C Music Factory doesn't have any good songs.

So, Technotronic had Pump Up the Jam. They also had Get Up, Get Up, Get Busy, Get Up and Move That Body. And they had Shake That Body for people don't you know don't you know those are bad those are good i like that one because they talk about people people don't you know move this that one's called move that cnc music factory only have everybody dance now everybody dance now and um what do they have they have uh things that make you go hmm yes yeah so that's all about that that's it that's their whole catalog but what a catalog i remember i remember when i was uh when i was a kid it was the first time that i knew that something happening in the moment really sucked.

And it was at the MTV Video Awards and C&C Music Factory won an award. And I guess there had been a controversy about the woman lip syncing. And he said, yeah, if you think that she lip syncs, listen to this. And she did like, boo-da-do-do-do-do-do-do. And I was like this sucks this sucks that they planned doing this this is this is bad content um uh dave stop lip syncing for once in your life. No, that was me. Wow. Spike Jones. Are you guys ready for Overheards?

Yeah. All right, Overheards, a segment that gets, you know what, harder and harder as the weeks go by, but I still, we make a valiant effort as a group and as a country and as a planet to overhear people's hilarious things,

and we always like to start with the guest test do you have one yeah um i think so i this one i must have misheard but it really is what i heard here it is there it goes without further Um, I was walking down the street. No, I was biking. Sorry. And I biked by these two guys and they were coming around the corner. And one said to the other one,

it's been 16 minutes since I talked to someone for longer than 15 minutes. That's like a riddle. Yeah know because also yeah i i must have misheard right no that sounds like a funny thing that somebody said okay what what what could it mean it's been 16 minutes since i talked to someone for longer than 15 minutes yeah i just think that it's 16 minutes ago i don't know maybe he has an apple watch that because the new guy oh maybe yeah maybe he's just like into his own data yeah right because the guy that he was talking to i was like i wonder if they're breaking the record now because he's been talking to this guy for a while if they're trying to get a new yeah yeah to someone for longer than 15 minutes record i i would never want to talk

to someone for longer than 15 minutes yeah you should never make a a job out of a 90 minute show where um dave do you have an overt um barely um so this is a thing i overheard outside of this very room okay i was in this room i was working and the kids are playing just playing so nicely together and uh i have margo who's six and poppy who's four and i i could hear outside them they were playing and margo said okay pretend teddy is my friend and his name is mr shark and he wants to kill you too and poppy said okay these are the parameters of the game we're going to play. She's just so happy to have her sister playing with her. She'll do anything.

Yeah. Yeah. I like the stages of pretend, too. Okay, let's break the fourth wall here for a second. Okay, we are pretending, but here are the rules. Yes. Yeah. Kind of a wink at the camera.

Oh, my God. I'm in. Yeah, that's sweet. That's sweet that you're... Do they get along most of the time? No. Oh, okay. But they're getting better.

Yeah. Well... Is it always Margo who's setting the rules, like the reality, because she's older? Okay. Yeah. Well, yes. poppy tried that she would get thrown like a rag doll oh man uh dave do you have all right graham do you have an overheard you just did your overheard jeez louise me do i hear do? Mine is courtesy of a couple,

a couple that were dumpster diving and they, they both were, had very nice bicycles and were dressed like a kind of yuppies with helmets and bright reflective vests, but they were, they were dumpster diving freegans maybe. But all I heard when I walked past was the woman kind of exasperated, exasperatedly say, um, no, Jesus Christ. So he had just suggested something that was worse than what they were doing.

I think. Or I wonder if they were trying to, do you think they lost something and we're trying to recover it? They had like, they were like, is this your mink elf earring? And they were like, no! That's just a moldy cob of corn. Get it together.

I've just never seen people that are... Upwardly mobile. Upwardly mobile. Yeah, and like, also it was behind an apartment building. So there's not going to be any like donuts or anything in there. It's just going to be,

Oh yeah. You know, it'd be household garbage. Well, maybe we're looking for your old fridge. Yeah, that's true. Old brownie.

Not brown enough. Was the old one brown? What was it? White cream? He doesn't remember his current fridge. Do you have any pictures of the old one? Yeah, I do. Everybody does.

Everyone has a picture of your fridge. Yeah, it's a picture of me playing with my fridge. You're measuring it every year to see how much it's grown. Oh, yeah, dressing it up, putting it on a bike and biking around. Doubling. The fridge doubles you. Yeah, that's right. Now, that's what I call a smart fridge.

See, that would be the commercial. Oh, yeah. Now, we also have overheards sent in from people all over the place. And if you'd like to send one in to us, send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org. This first one comes from Rachel W. in Victoria, BC. Her daughter, Beth,

was sick with a high fever. I was trying to get her to take Tylenol to get her fever down. And she was sobbing and said through the tears, the medicine tastes like strawberries and floor, which is a great way. Wow. She nailed it. Right?

Yeah. Totally. Yeah, it's a complete picture of what's being eaten, is that it tastes like floor. Yeah. On Peppa Pig, there's a character who drinks medicine and says it tastes like carpet-flavored yogurt. Is Peppa Pig British? Yes, British. Yeah, she's like... There's a phenomenon of North American children watching it

and getting to, like, having too much British vocabulary. Oh, I've caught myself. I need a plaster. Plaster. Oh, that's very cute. I'm trying to think of it.'re like madonna when she went to yeah the kids are like madonna yeah peppa pig fans notoriously like madonna it's one than the other peppa pig kind of ramps them up to get into madonna phase yeah and then finally you get into

elvira queen of the dark and. And that's the trilogy of fantastic women with superpowers. Where's their Mount Rushmore? This is from Karen in the Clackamas, Oregon. Just a quick... Yeah, it's nice, right? It's a fun name. Clackamas.

Clackamas. I'm from Clackamas. This is your Clackamas News. I'm John Tesh. I just saw a car with a vanity plate that said swole. Yeah. They saw my car. Yeah, my ride's here. It's funny i i saw a car that had a vanity plate that said accelerate

xlr8 oh that's pretty good xlr got it i had seen it before like years ago it's like why would you want a vanity plate why would you want anyone to remember like if you commit a crime yeah that's all i'm thinking about yeah oh well i knew this guy because he i saw the the suspect fleeing the scene and i remember i had last seen his his uh vanity plate in the you know this other neighborhood so he probably lives over there do you guys have a mnemonic to remember your license plate i don't have a car uh did you i don't have a car mine is h-o-h-o-h-o h-o-h-o-h-o um my my first license plate though when i was 16 was 666 dicks d-yY-X. Nice. Whoa.

I know, it was awesome. It must have seemed like a vanity plate. Yeah, totally. That's the greatest possible combination of numbers and letters. And that it rhymes is all the better. It's fantastic. Yeah, I really did not fit the part. Like, it was a 1987 Lincoln Town

car. No, that's 666 Dicks. Is that 666 Dicks? Yeah. That's cool. like it was a 1987 lincoln town car no that's six six six six six six six six six six six but then otherwise i would like come out of the car i'd like a center part and like a skirt from reitman's nice i did not like that's all it all works okay i'm not not painting um i do i do i can remember like i know my license plate, but I'm not going to say it. Yeah, that's fair.

Cause, uh, you know, I don't want these people, the listeners tracking me down and saying, Hey, they're going to comment on YouTube that your license. Yeah,

exactly. What a cool guy. Yeah. Um, this last one comes from Christine parts unknown. Two girls passed me, uh, on the street the other day and I caught this exchange.

You know how there's an archive, like a national one that archives movies. Yeah. They archive track. Oh, good. I think the last time I was on there, one of the overheards was about track.

Yeah. We're a Shrek heavy podcast. Shrek it out. We like DreamWorks. Is that what we like? Yeah. The doctor just told me I've been diagnosed with Shregsima. My skin's turning green. Oh it's good.

In addition to numbers that are written in we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hi, this is Brian from Minneapolis with an over-experienced.

I was out cross-country skiing recently, and a woman saw me as we were approaching each other, and she said oh hey and i looked at her and i was like oh i don't know who this is and she said are you here with your kid i was like oh i i don't think you i am who you think i am i i don't have a kid she said oh you're not sean and i said no i'm brian she said oh you look like my friend sean i'm sorry and we kind of laughed and started going on our way. And as she was skiing away, she turned over her shoulder and said,

well, I'm glad you don't have a kid unless you want one. So, I thought that was very nice of her. You shared a moment where you kind of looked like a friend of hers, and then she took it gracefully that you weren't a friend of hers. But then she's trying to make

a friend of his, so... What trying to make a friend of his so what a journey congratulations on turns out the kid was your friendship all along that's a good one how much would I have to pay you to go cross country skiing I used to do it as a youth so not much

because it's fun yeah I did too you'd have to pay me a million dollars you'd have to pay me a million to do it as a youth so not much because it's fun yeah I did too you'd have to pay me a million dollars why? you'd have to pay me a million to do downhill oh downhills no effort what are your guys' biases

about each of these types of skiing? I found cross country to be so laborious and with very little reward oh fair I found downhill skiing was hot dog characters whizzing around and uh okay you crusty old dean i am i learned to downhill ski and by learned i

mean i've only done it once and it was in austria and there were literal babies that were like skiing. They were just like, just like absolutely hoisin by me. It was just like the Doppler effect. Everywhere you turn, there's these tiny little Austrian babies. And I never did it again. I think I went and ate a spätzle in the hut. Nice. Yeah good it's

delicious alp food delicious probably the top also um for your for your for your shreggsima you should you should go to the shrexall it took me so long but i thought of it it. It's good. It's a good, for anyone not from Canada, Rexall is the name of a pharmacy. And so I'm combining that with... Everyone knows what Shrek is. It's a film, Shrek. It's pretty good. That was good.

That was really good. Here's the next phone call, or Shrek call. Hey, Jason Graham. This is Kelso from Brooklyn, New York, and I have an overhook. It's late evening on a Friday, and I just walked by some teenage boys who, I don't know, I guess were going through their checklist

of their plans for the evening, and one went, well, when are we going home? And the other one replied, well, we still have snowballs to throw at the church, so priorities. Let me throw at the church. So, priorities. Let me look at my checklist.

I have to do, before I go home, I have to do this one thing. Yeah, exactly. Let me see my to-do list for a little boy. Slingshot, back pocket. Snowball, in hand. Overall, we're the ones strapped. All in the neighbor's yard, and away we go. Mr. Wilson, antagonized.

Like, did Mr. Wilson and Dennis ever patch things up, or was that just an unresolved feud? Oh, same. Yeah, it must have been awkward when Dennis grew out of the menace phase. Yeah, and then he became Dennis the murderer. He'd been a menace for so long. Yeah, and then Mr. Wilson would have been vindicated he'd have been like that kid was no good

unless he went to dental school and he became Dennis the dentist a profession for menaces if you ask me I've seen Little Shop of Horrors yeah no Novocaine doc

dulls the pain Little Shop is Horrors. Yeah. No Novocaine Doc. Yeah. Dulls the Pain. That one is. Little Shop is where the dentist loves to cause pain and sings a song about it. Yeah. You'll be a dentist. Yeah. Steve Martin played him. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. In the movie version. It's true. Jack Nicholson was in the original and he was the patient. Oh, was that a musical? Yeah. Or was that? Oh, I think it was a musical. I i've never seen it but i know that he's in it i don't think it is a musical the original okay you know what out of my mind no i think you're right i don't i'm not staking any claim

to this i do not know i i believe you did you hear what graham cl Graham Clark said? Graham Clark bet his entire reputation that the original Little Strawberry Forest with Jack Nicholson was a musical. Oh, my God. And he's been a real menace. And there's not much we can do about it. Here's your final overheard. Thank you, Dave. This is Matt from New York calling in an overheard. This was overheard at a grocery store many, many months after the start of the pandemic.

I think it was in December. One employer, employee rather, asked another employee about her plans for that weekend and the employee responded basically to the effect that she had something planned and it got postponed because of, you know, COVID. Is that how you say it? COVID? And the other employee did not correct her. Is it convict? How am I even saying it? Am I saying it wrong um yeah there was there was like a time remember before it all happened that people were making jokes about

not being able to touch their face that was like a hilarious joke for a month and then and there was like things oh uh like hand washing memes oh my. That feels like a decade ago. It is. We're coming up on a year and like, I've already seen people like sharing their memories from a year ago. Yeah. Boy, oh boy. Um,

you know, it's really time to make one of those. This is me at the beginning of March, 2020. And this is me now. That's, this is your time. This is your time.

You like doing that kind of thing. Meme it up. Yeah. Meme it up. Yeah, meme it up. It does kind of feel like the internet is sometimes, I know it's many things, but sometimes it's just like an activity book. Do you remember like 400 activities to do in the car? Yeah.

Yeah, and I say that with no contempt for that. Like I'm so happy to have an activity book sometimes where I'm like, Oh, what's the game we're all doing today? Yeah. Something you can just scroll through until you die. Hey, Graham,

you know, tomorrow is the anniversary of our first ever episode of the podcast. No way. Really? Yeah. March 2nd. Hmm. Um,

I'll let off some firecrackers. What are you guys going to do? I'm going to buy some illegal fireworks. Should all the coin tents be? Yeah, yeah. What are you guys going to do for your anniversary? I'm going to buy some illegal fireworks and make a really big deal about it. I was going to contact all my friends on my phone and say, you know what day it is. You're like, you're shooing the singing telegramist out of your apartment right now who's like there to rehearse. of your apartment right now who's like there to rehearse i'm gonna uh you know track down all my exes and show them that hey i've been doing a podcast for 13 years and you said i never would so there has it been 13 years yeah boy i feel like it's been 13 years yeah i used to listen to it like right at the beginning i feel like at least a decade ago yeah you were so young then yeah

yeah we all were right oh i wasn't i was still i was still old well that brings us to the end of the podcast tess do you have anything that you're doing online that's a fun thing like an instagram or twitter or anything fun? No, I'm on the applications where we socialize now. Yeah, you post fun videos on your Twitter. I guess so. I joined TikTok, and now my 10-year-old brother makes fun of me on that platform. Getting bullied by a 10-year-old.

But it's all just under my name, at Tess Degenstein on Twitter, on Instagram, on TikTok. Yeah. Have you posted anything on tiktok yes the first thing i posted went kind of viral what was it uh it was like me doing a gesture that i said looked like mirror like it was like a tiny impression like a micro impression okay yes um and yeah but now but now i'm like oh my god i i didn't know how to use the platform and so i feel like i've kind of been caught not knowing how to use the platform yes i haven't

posted anything and i'm afraid to i just go for it i don't have any ideas yeah i had an idea i'd go for it but i don't have any idea it's's a confusing space. My brain doesn't know how to... Do your Italian character. Oh, yes. Listen to me, everybody. Oh, do you want some oregano on that? Say when with your palm. Oh, no, no, that's too much already. Like, yeah, there should be a waiter

who comes by your table but like immediately ruins your day. Can I get you some oregano? Tell me when. No. Yeah. Like five shakes ago. It's like way too much oregano.

I can't wait to like that on TikTok, Graham. Yeah. Yeah. It'll, it'll be great. I'm going to dress up like a waiter. It's going to be fantastic.

Well, Tess, thank you so much for being our guest. This was a fantastic, fabulous time. It was so nice hanging out with you all on zoom.com on zoom.com zoom.us

oh yeah zoom.us oh yeah zoom.gov they don't need.com they're zoom for god's sake that freaking zoom it's their world we just live in it that's right yeah thank you so much for being our guest thank you listeners for listening uh we are like i said and we both said greatest

listeners in the world um you know maybe regis and kathy lee their old viewers were were equally as cool god those viewers were wonderful yeah because they because they would call and say, who was on the show yesterday? What did John Cena have to say? Oh, you guys should all, just to tie this all together, just after this episode, immediately look up Regis Philbin as Shrek on the David Letterman Show.

Oh, this is going to be great. It's so wonderful. He's going right in the spank bank. He's fierce. Yeah, exactly. Well, well again thank you everybody out there for listening take care of yourself out there be safe and come out back here

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