Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 678 - Ryan Lachance

Episode Date: March 16, 2021

Comedian Ryan Lachance joins us to talk Bulgarian Netflix, spicy McChickens, and laundry room etiquette.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everyone and welcome to episode number 678 of stop podcasting yourself my name is graham clark and with me as always is a man who was part of the committee that canceled pepe lepew mr dave shumka i didn't catch that but i mean uh sure i look pepe lepew has always been problematic people have not it's not new is that a news story are people saying that that uh he's you know i i mean i i don't want to even say it i mean are people saying he's a skunk he's a skunk and not a cat with a white stripe down its back yeah uh the object of his affection all those years. But, yeah, I think that this is a pretty obvious fact about Bavaila Pew.

That's true. We're not unveiling anything new at this point. But, Graham, you're forgetting. You've been hyping up this episode for weeks. Oh, yeah, because. It's episode six, seven, eight. I was going to say, is uh six afraid of seven six seven eight but it doesn't work no no um uh we uh it's great to be here and our guest today is a very funny comedian you can find out all the things he's up to at ryanleshonts.com it's ryan leshonts

hey everybody what's going on i am glad that you referenced pebble lepew because being french canadian uh my entire life and my dad forcing med down my throat all the time the only cartoon i could ever watch was pebble lepew with any semblance but it's good to be with you with any semblance of it's going to be okay to watch the whole episode with my dad so I appreciate it because he's French? yeah he's extremely French

and I'm very proud of it we're very proud of Pepe he's an ambassador of our culture uh well should we get to know us yeah let's do it get to know us ryan this is your first time here on the podcast um treat to have you here um what's going on why how has everything been i mean this has obviously been a upside down backwards year but uh in general how are you doing i'm pretty good i mean i've been

trying to find stuff to do with myself i'm now on the part of netflix where i watch the bulgarian the Bulgarian version of the movie Taken. It's pretty awkward. In that vision, is that the version? Are the Bulgarians the heroes? Liam Neeson's the bad guy? No. It's actually a movie called The Beast, and it's pretty much the movie Taken, but it's in Bulgarian, so... Nice.

Yeah. Are there subtitles? no I remember those weird like those where they're speaking Bulgarian but they're actually pumping in English movies and I like the one because I like painful things

on Netflix I mean there's a lot of painful stuff in English you don't have to go all the way to Bulgaria like every Kevin Hart special I mean, there's a lot of painful stuff in English that you can check out. Yeah, that's true. You don't have to go all the way to Bulgaria. Like every Kevin Hart special on Netflix? Yeah, that's true. Wow.

Oh, shots fired, shots fired. This Pepe Le Pew loving, Kevin Hart hating, Bulgarian watching. I've waited the wrong time to be on the podcast. I'm not holding back. Kevin's a blazer. Oh, now we'll never get Kevin Hart on.

So you've been watching a lot of Netflix. Do you have any of the other streamings? Do you got the Amazon? Do you got anything like that? Yeah, I got Amazon and then I got Disney Plus because all my caregivers just give me their accounts. And then I just watch all their stuff on it. So then screw up their algorithm. Yeah.

And also they're like, if you're watching these things, that still counts as care. If you're just watching all these things. Pretty much. They still get paid by the government. Yeah. Hey, you know, i have a steady government job yeah um where are you where are you at these days you used to be out in surrey white rock actually white rock right yeah i don't like to admit i'm from surrey so i actually do live in white rock

and yeah it's pretty nice over here i i wheel down to the beach all the time and yeah it's pretty nice over here I wheel down to the beach all the time and yeah it's just me and three other people that live in the neighborhood that aren't afraid to go outside yeah you get to see that white rock all to yourself yeah

and every couple every couple days somebody comes down from the city of White Rock and paints the graffiti dicks off the White Rock again. But I keep putting up there because I got to have somebody to paint it out. Graham, have you ever graffitied? You seem like you were a bad kid. Yeah, I was a rough and tumble kid. I'm trying to think if I ever

graffitied. If I did, I felt instantly bad about it. I know I did like carved into a tree. That doesn't really count. GC plus Jesus. Hard to read. Dave, did you ever graffiti no i'm i'm too afraid i'm too afraid i was gonna say i'm a good boy but i'm not i was just i i was a bill i had the ability to anticipate feeling bad about

um yeah no i don't think like i've never had a pen with me in the bathroom so i've never had the even if i desired it i didn't have the way to do it but i'm open to the possibility not even at the alco cow uh you didn't graffiti any of the bathroom in there it was already so graffitied it would have been like throwing a glass of water in the ocean it's i talking to Ben Mills about that the other day about El Cocal and the whole that whole scene back then and all that stuff. For the listeners, El Cocal was

a Salvadorian restaurant? Yeah, Salvadorian. Where Graham ran a show, a comedy show for years and years with a group of regulars including Ryan and a guest from a couple weeks ago cliff nesteroff and uh several of our guests yeah and uh i don't know if you

remember ryan but at one point uh there was like a fundraising effort to buy you a mic stand that could go kind of pivot and be able to pick you up on the mic and uh we had it for a week and then it was stolen at least we tried right at least we tried yeah yeah it's true if anyone ever uh feels like they can badmouth the vancouver comedy scene just know that we held a fundraiser to buy a mic stand. If anyone thinks that we're too big time, it's true. Fundraisers were held for mic stands.

It's true. I mean, Graham even did a beer painting fundraiser to raise money to buy my manual wheelchair so I could go on the road. So, I mean, he does have a hurt. Yeah, he does.

I know Graham gets a lot of negative press these days. Yeah, they say I'm the queen of memes. I'm cancelled for something I did in the 80s. Yeah, Graham was trying to have sex with a cat. He thought it was a skunk. Like,

that's the law. A human trying to have sex with a beast. Oh, officer, I thought it was a skunk. We'll be on your way. It's okay, but the skunk's ready. Who else was canceled? Were there other people cancelled this week? I feel like Mickey Rooney in

Breakfast at Tiffany's was cancelled. It was another. Then that's just recent? Yes. You know, if not recent, it's certainly resurfaced. And you know, we'll bring down Mickey Rooney.

If they find out that Pepe Le Pew. What's this world coming to? Yeah. What, what, like speaking of cartoons, what cartoons did you grow up with Ryan? What were your faves?

Well, because I was in a wheelchair, everybody wanted me to watch transformers all the time so that was like right here we can put transformers on i'm like but i want to watch spider-man no you have to watch transformers what about dr octopus he has eight arms how about him that didn't work for me the uh Spider-Man cartoon was never very good though was it

no no the one from the 60s was very like they would just reuse the backgrounds that were all tie-dyed and they had basically

seven or eight cells that they used for Spider-Man yeah but they had this like cartoon voices in that show like the

the villains had some really like iconic cartoon voices yeah yeah yeah now ryan uh you we were talking just before the show you're gonna after this uh pandemic business is you know sorted as much as it can be you're gonna record an album in uh duncan bc yes that's the plan at the duncan showroom in duncan bc that's the big that's everybody goes there to record their album duncan is the destination i'm gonna do i'm gonna do the pre-show in the old ghost forest it's gonna be awesome where did you why did you pick duncan where did you go that you thought, this is the place? Last weekend, a fellow comedian, Matt Billen, said to me,

you haven't been anywhere in two years. Come visit me in Duncan for a while. And my caregiver is from Saskatchewan, and she had never been to the island so I was like cool I'll go visit Matt and stay socially distanced in his garage because that's where they put people

in wheelchairs when they go visit you'll sleep next to the car did your caregiver was your caregiver blown away by an island yeah she kept asking where the ocean was and i was like uh we're surrounded by it you know but we went up to cubes and i hung out with some goats and we we complimented each other on our beards and it was kind of awesome so um you why were you hanging out with goats what happened there what transpired for you uh we went to a farmer's market where they, uh, eight months ago, they had goats living on the roof. Yeah.

Oh. This is the, they have, it's, uh, they sell the, like the most famous, uh, bumper sticker in the province. I think the, uh, one of a goat, like with his butt sticking out, pooping off a roof. Yeah. Oh, that is good. i actually have a t-shirt with that on it what but what is it what are the goats on top of the roof uh hello could we make it any clearer the goats are on the roof

no the literal the place the market is called literally goats on roof yeah and it's got like it's like built into the side of a hill i think and they kind of walk down and the roof is is like just stained mossy yeah and they live up there uh during the spring and summer and then they have pins for them the rest of the time so unfortunately when we were there they weren't on the roof yet because it's too cold but i still got to hang out with them so it's pretty awesome yeah that's not bad i've i've done that i've gone to like uh like more like a petting zoo and i have bad allergies so within 10 minutes i feel like i'm gonna die you would love this place you would

love it because it's like the goat the dander is falling down on you rain on me what song is that from that's rain on me by lady gaga um so what uh it's been a long time since you've done stand-up obviously at least a year yeah um unless you've been doing secret shows somewhere no no i well that's not true i tried a couple zine shows but i don't consider them as counting because it's Zoom shows, you know? Well, when everything comes back, I'm only doing shows by Zoom. I'm going to keep doing it. I love it.

I don't have to leave the house. You don't hear any reaction to anything, so you assume it's always positive. Now, you talk about your caregivers. Are they also drivers, or do you have like a separate driving one of them drives one of them doesn't so sometimes i do have someone that's just my driver nice and then we reenact different scenes with drivers and with people from movies and yeah it's good times I've met some where white gloves and a hat so what are you reenacting Driving Miss Daisy or the Green Book

or what I like the Green Book because I'm a performer too right so it kind of feels that way but I don't know I kind of like quoting Driving Miss Daisy more just because I've seen Driving Miss Daisy more just because I've seen Driving Miss Daisy

more than I've seen the Green Book, even though both movies are really good. I'd just like to say, where would you like to go today, Miss Daisy? That's not even my line. That's supposed to be the line of the driver, but you don't seem to get that right. Yeah.

I never saw The Green Book, but I know it as the movie that Viggo Mortensen eats a whole pizza in. That's true. You didn't even know they were filming. No. I haven't seen either of those, but I have seen the Jason Statham ones

where he's the driver. Those are fun. We do that sometimes, but do you realize how hard it is for me to fit inside a suitcase? I can't do that. It just depends on the size of the suitcase. Yeah, yeah.

Like a big novelty clown one. That will work. How many times have you seen both of those movies you've been driving this daisy and a green book and you said you've seen one more than the other is that one time versus zero times or how many what's the ratio we're working off of i've only seen the green book two or three times because uh keep saying, oh, you should watch this movie and then they turn it on and they take the remote away or put it somewhere like...

And with Driving Miss Daisy, it just seems to be on every time I'm over at my mom's house, like when she's listening to the channel. Or she makes it seem like she's flipping through the channels where she's like oh uh driving Miss Daisy's on again

I think I've seen the same like 32 minute section of that movie um at least 10-12 times probably cause it always seems to be a very specific part of the movie where uh where I show up in my mom's house and it's on TV so it always seems to be a very specific part of the movie where, uh,

where I show up in my mom's house and it's on TV. So, yeah. Have you seen them Graham? Yeah. I've seen driving Miss Daisy and, uh, I definitely haven't seen green book. Like I say,

it's the movie of a giant pizza being eaten. One sitting. Yeah. Well, didn't it like win an Oscarcar or something it won best picture yeah it's gonna be somewhat good well is that true just because it won an oscar is that true i just remember driving miss daisy was when i was a kid it came out in the 80s maybe, 90 around then. And Morgan free, Morgan Freeman was an old man in that.

And he's, he's been an old man ever since, but it's been 30 years. He's been an old man for 30 years. Um, and who was the woman? Is it Jessica Tandy? That's right.

Wow. Yeah. She's been, she's been, She's been... She was an old lady for a long time, so that... I don't know how old she was. She died... She died old.

She died doing what she loved, being old. She became an old lady before I was paying attention. And so I don't know how long she was an old lady. Was she in Cocoon? Yeah, she was probably in Cocoon. how old how long she was an old lady was she in cocoon yeah she's probably in yeah i think she was actually that was like the that was like the wizard of oz uh for old people actors like that for senior actors like the way that like little people all got to join this one movie and meet all these other people that was it for seniors wilford brimley got to meet everybody no i heard a fact

about the wizard of oz that i don't know was true but i heard that the people that played the munchkins wrote it in their contract that if they ever redid the um the movie in any way or put it on like broadway the only people they could play the munchkins were people that were related to the original cast of the munchkins i don't know if that's true wow somebody told me that i mean huh i i know they had a lot of bargaining power so i imagine it's true i, but it would be very funny if you went and saw a Broadway show and some of the munchkins were tall, tall, but like grandsons.

Yeah. But I, I also, that's what I've heard is like during the wizard of Oz, it was like a conference, all these people that never would have met each other. Cause there was no internet or whatever that for them to meet each other that they all met on the on the set and that it was like a big jamboree it was like the olympic village there was a lot of fucking going on

that's amazing um yeah that's the thing i'm saddest about about the olymp not the olympics not happening last year this year i'm just so sad that those people won't be able to have sex with each other and their hard bodies well they will they'll they'll they'll do it uh double time and uh uh yeah they'll be patriotic while doing so yeah yeah did you during the olympics here in vancouver did you go to anything ryan i did actually uh i worked for a gentleman who had season tickets to the canucks so he was given first choice to uh all the olympic games. So he bought two tickets to every game. And he gave me all the tickets to the games that nobody wanted to watch.

So I saw Bill Roos play like seven times, I think, during the Olympics. This guy that I looked for, he was quite well off. So he tickets in one of the boxes in GM place. So I sat with a Bulgarian royal family. They were just dressed in street clothes, but they came to every game. And they saw me come to every game. So they thought I was Bulgarian. Or like Belarusian, sorry.

So they just assumed I was one of the countrymen, and they were getting really upset when I wasn't singing the national anthem. Then I was like, I don't know the words, I don't speak Russian, so I don't know where you're from. Yeah, I only watch movies in Hungarian, I don't know what you want from me yeah i only watch movies in hungarian i don't know yeah i'm trying to make up for it right i'm trying to make up for last time or something i love that there's that would be the first of all that uh there's royalty i always think of just royalty being an english problem me too this guy was supposedly a prince and he was literally wearing like an adidas tracksuit so i'm like you don't look like a prince but he was a prince but i guess or something i don't know do you think he should have been wearing a crown of some sort

it would be cool to be to be able to be both a Prince and be able to wear an Adidas tracksuit. Like not be judged by the press. Yeah. I really like this. This guy's our, this is the, our best guy. This is our,

our ambassador. Um, that's, that's cool. Dave, did you see anything during the winter olympics i went to some curling i went to some geez i went to like one metal one night where they're handing out medals and that sucked it was like so much parking to watch them hand out three

medals to things i hadn't even even like events I didn't care about and I feel like I went to maybe one other thing but curling was the best I didn't realize that the medal handing out was it's own event I thought that they did that after like if you just happened to be at figure skating then they would do it there

yeah I thought people need to put on a different outfit they need to put on their Adidas tracksuit. Good sponsorship in there, man. Come on, man. Yeah. Yeah. I never went to any of them because at the time I was on a local TV show

and I had press credentials. So I was like, I'll be able to get into any event I please. And then they renounced my credentials. Did your show get canceled right before that? Yes. Okay. They didn't just renounce your credentials. They took you off the air.

We're afraid you're going to embarrass us. That's funny. Do you, Ryan, when you were growing up, do you play any sports? Were you in any leagues or anything? I skied for quite a while when I was a kid. And I skied competitively. And I even got to represent the province of Alberta and then eventually Team Canada for a bit and stuff.

So I did that for a while. Holy shit. A lot of people don't know that about me, but yeah, I did that when I was about 15 years old. Holy shit. Yeah, it was kind of cool.

this is wheelchair skiing? Yeah, like a monoski. It's basically like a chair with a, uh, a hydraulic pump on the bottom and it's good. skiing? Yeah, like a monoski. It's basically like a chair with a hydraulic pump on the bottom and it's going to ski it back and then one up front that pivots and

you're just going to sit down and you go super fast. Like the bobsled. Just sit down, we'll close your eyes, and hope you don't get a snow drift because then you may have to dig you out. Like the bobsled. Just sit down. Close your eyes. And hope you don't get a snow drip because then you may have to dig you out. Now, are you originally from Alberta? Is that why you were representing?

Yeah. Where in Alberta? Leduc, Alberta. Just outside of Edmonton. Oh, yeah. What was the big... What's Leduc famous for? It's got Alberta number one.

It's got the first ever oil rig ever done in Alberta. That's the first place they found oil in Alberta officially. And put the first, like, whatever the fuck it's called. and put the purse like whatever the fuck it's called when you google the Leduc Alberta the google itself says here are the questions people ask

the first question is Leduc a safe place to live? and the answer is families feel safe in Leduc but single people can take a hike and when did you move out to the out to the coast when i was i just turned 16 i guess or 14 15 around there it's been a while i've been here for a while your skiing career was in the rearview mirror and he was moving up the coast i'm gonna water ski i'm too old and slow now i'm too fat i can't go fast enough i'm gonna quit would you would you go if you had the opportunity would

you go skiing for old time's sake um yes and no mean, with my disability, I would really have to train my core again to be able to handle the gravitational pull of going sideways and stuff. But I'm sure if I enrolled myself in the space camp and took a spin on one of those G-Force machines, I'd be okay. You know? So.

There was a place not far, like, in, like, a shopping mall, kind of, that had one of those in the window that you could get tied in. Are you talking about the ones that go in like that you like hold on and you Yeah, and it goes upside down and Isn't that a gyroscope? I guess so, yeah. There's also the like, I feel like the astronaut thing, they just put like spin you in a circle.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Like around and around like a fast carousel. Right. Like those I'm used to the g-forces of the takeoff and landing and stuff. So when, when it eventually becomes a thing that's normal, where people are just going to outer space, is everybody going to have to do crazy training to be like,

just go on a holiday or will they figure something else out? Will they just let people puke all over the place? I think you'll let people puke all over the place because you won't be piloting anything. I think the astronauts also have to not puke because they're piloting the ship that will determine whether they live or die and whether billions of dollars are wasted.

Are they going to have announcements that they have to have their table trays up in their proper position and their seats up and take up in lining and stuff too oh yeah they're gonna have rules rules galore and please stow your vomit yeah and it stopped no floating around the room uh oh man i wonder if anybody's ever puked in space of course yeah but like out in the open you think like not in a helmet well maybe in a helmet do you think it's ever happened in a helmet that would be the worst thing ever worst yeah yeah have you seen outbreak yes he barks in his like uh

it's like you know plastic suit yeah his bio suit oh yeah i mean at that point you're the only thing you're keeping not in infected is your own vomit have you watched that since the pandemic started no what have you no but i just remember it like everything was instantaneous like you got sick you immediately bled out like it was it was uh it wasn't like a disease where you would have to get a test done and was it like wasn't there something wasn't there a monkey on the post they had to find the monkey the monkey was patient zero and they had to because then they immediately made a vaccine out of the monkey. Like there was this giant outbreak and then they found the monkey and put it in a

blender. That poor monkey. One day he's just hanging out in a tree and the next day he's in a blender, you know? Yeah, well that's the life of a monkey it absolutely was the monkey from friends

oh yeah that's right and he said he had in his contract that if they ever remake Outbreak it has to be a relative of him to replace the monkey totally makes sense totally makes sense I mean i guess it does make sense have you seen contagion no that seems to be on all the time contagion and it was big on netflix

when everything was first happening i don't i have no appetite to see it is it good i haven't seen it either have you seen it you've seen it no i i have a caregiver i have a caregiver that keeps trying to get me to watch stuff like that i just i think the trivia about that one that i know is that they made gwyneth paltrow's in it. She plays a contagion. She plays contagion. She plays the title contagion. And they,

in Seven, spoiler alert, they chop her head off and put it in a blender. Put it in a blender to make a special kind of goop. So her head is in the box i this is a mandela effect thing where i i'm certain that in the in the movie he drops the box and you see your head roll out graham disagrees i disagree but i love that that's your memory of it. But they did, but apparently they really did make a head and,

uh, they used, they ended up using that head that they had made for seven in contagion. That's awesome. Really? Yeah. That's enough to make me want to see it now. Does she have the head?

Does she get to keep it? Yeah, probably. She's got it in a jar. She's got it floating in liquid in a jar in her basement. Is it reacting that gets everybody sick? Is that what gets them to open?

Yeah, she plays the contagion. She's an Oscar winner, Ryan. Have some respect. My bad. I remember past guest Sam I remember a past guest, Sam Easton, past guest from a long time ago,

he was in one of the Final Destination movies. He dies in the drive-thru, doesn't he? He dies in the drive-thru, yeah. Yeah. You think the whole time that the truck that's coming down the hill towards the drive-thru is going to ram into them and kill you.

He hits something like a post and the whole engine flies out of the front of the car and there's a fan on the back of the engine that chops his head up like a blender. But he got to keep

the fake. What are other people going to do with it? Don't be worried about anybody. he had he got to keep he got to keep the the fake fake oh head you know what else if what are other people gonna do with it don't be worried about anybody's like no let me keep i'm gonna paint a white stripe down the back and pretend it's a skunk a hardy skunk do a four skunk the musical and then they me play with him again, I'm keeping the prosthetic legs. I'm just saying. Now you would consider your singing voice Broadway ready? Is that what we're hearing?

I consider my singing voice to be more like a drunk robot. That's what it sounds like to me. You could have been a daft punk, is what you're saying. Like a really bad answering machine from the 1980s and only one of those. That's weird.

Yeah. Jeez. That feels like a weird thing that if you told a kid now that that was the way things were, it makes you sound like a million years old. It told a kid now that that was the way things were it makes you sound like a million years old it doesn't seem that long ago but it does make you sound like a fossil growing up i feel like people would talk about 70s fads like they weren't that old and i would be like what the hell are you talking about pet rock

pet rock swingers key parties yeah well i remember i used to work in a radio station and everyone who was older than me was like oh man back in the day this place was like wkrp and i was i was thinking about because the whatever gen z is they will have been born all exclusively since the internet it's always existed for them yeah and like phones that do stuff has always existed for them and but to try and make it sound like it sounds like when my grandmother told me that she didn't have a fridge she had an ice box and i was like wow that's you've been around for a million years but also things go so fast like ever since phones came along like yes if you were born in 1950 or

60 or whatever the phone that you had that your family had when you were born in 1950 or 60 or whatever, the phone that you had, that your family had when you were born, is the phone that was still there when you moved out. That's right. It was like a fridge. You just blew my mind right now, dude. I never thought it was a fridge. It's so beautiful. like i remember many like since 2000 or whatever when people started having cell phones but like in the years before the iphone came out there were like iterations of like things that would there were flip phones there were just the brick there were the ones that would like

slide open and there were you know uh they would get celebrities to endorse them like what celebrity there's this one there's this one we had that uh abby had that was a mirror it was like silver and it was a mirror but when you open it up like the mirror became a screen and paris hilton did the ads for that one nice nice um yeah i like i remember having a phone that was just a phone when i was in high school like that's the only function it didn't have even like a redial i don't even think it had a redial i think it was just it had a redial you have buttons i remember a time when the only call display was like a big deal when that first came out. Like you could actually tell who was calling you.

And my dad got really pissed off because he used to screw with my neighbor and order pizzas to us all the time. Because he couldn't tell who was calling, right? So your dad is a 15-year-old boy? Yes, he was. dad is a 15 year old boy. Your dad, of course, lived next to Viggo Mortensen, who would then eat the pizza in one bite.

Yeah. Dave, you never did prank calls, right? Again, it's like graffiti too afraid to afraid. Yeah, because it was, it, there is, must've been like the heyday afraid. Too afraid. Yeah. Because it was,

there must have been like the heyday in the 70s you could have been prank calling people forever because there was no way to track it. Like before that you would have had to talk to the operator to be like, yes operator I'd like to prank call Kevin. I would want to prank call so put some funny music on in the background.

Is your icebox running? I can never prank call anyone because my voice is very distinct. Yeah, you call and be like, hey, is your fridge running? They'd be like, I don't know, Ryan, why didn't you tell me? Yes, true story. Do you need I don't know, Ryan, why didn't you tell me? Yes. True story. Do you need something for my fridge, Ryan? Why are you asking me?

Are you out of ketchup? I'm more of a mustard guy. Yeah. Dave's a mustard guy. Are you talking about mustard? What's your favorite kind of mustard, Dave? I like the Ikea kind my favorite is granulated mustard I like granulated mustard

oh yeah it really pops those little uh oh those little buds in there yeah that's my jimmy jam what do you put them on? uh anything I put mustard on my perogies i'm weird like that

you know i'm strange that's that's a real alberta that's a real prairie sentence mustard on my pierogies no absolutely when i went to the uh there's a year or two i guess it was two years ago now uh i i got i uh someone arranged for me to have a tasting menu at the vancouver canucks um hot dog stand like the the the high-end hot dog like where they do like eight different kinds of hot dogs and there was a pierogi dog that was named after a city in Alberta oh yeah like is

it like it was wherever Stan Smeal is from is it the Bakerville dog it might have been the Glendon dog Glendon Alberta because I know in Bakerville Bakerville Alberta they have It might have been the Glendon dog. Oh, okay. Glendon, Alberta. Because I know in Bakerville, Alberta, they have a huge Ukrainian giant Easter egg.

So I just thought it might be from there. Oh, no. In Glendon, I just went to their Wikipedia. They have a giant. I don't know if you can see this. A giant. Oh, you probably can't see it. It's a... Oh, pierogi on a fork?

A pierogi on a fork. I remember when I was in university, for some reason I just... You know how you know one dumb fact? And I knew that in Selkirk, Manitoba, they had the world's largest channel catfish. And I met a girl from there and I was like, home of the channel

catfish. And she looked at me like I was a psychopath. For knowing that? Or she thought you were wrong? No, she knew it was true, but why would I have that knowledge? I thought she would fall in love with you. That's what I thought. I thought that night was going to end with some incredible sex.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, guys, I experienced one of the greatest trilogies known to mankind. What are the famous trilogies? Star Wars. The Star Wars, yeah. Back to the Future. Lord of the Star Wars. The Star Wars, yeah. Back to the Future. Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings, sure.

Well, in the past three weeks, I have enjoyed the three new spicy McChickens. Speaking of dying in the drive-thru. Wow. speaking of dying in the drive-thru so take us on the journey okay so McDonald's released these highly anticipated McChickens from their underground lab

by the way I've had I've also had the prequels which were I think the like big chicken the six piece mcnugget and the 10 piece mcnugget yes yes they also they also now make a chicken mcmuffin no which doesn't but no no i was picturing like a brand muffin with chicken of chicken with nuggets poking out um so the uh yeah uh so i noticed that they have they had spicy meat chickens and i was like i got a little i got some i got a little uh taste for some spice yeah so i had the meat chickens and I was like, I got a little taste for some spice. Yeah.

So I had the first one and they released them a week apart because they knew I would try to get all three at once. In the commercials for this, are people biting into the sandwich and doing like they're sweating? And they're going like, ooh, is that the commercial? I don't know the commercials.'s what i think of it's just people biting into the burger and going like oh yeah they're sweating they're like oh i'm gonna have diarrhea this tastes like crap but i um i've always uh i guess when i was a kid I got the McChicken a lot oh yeah? it's brilliant

in it's simplicity it's got like four ingredients none of them chicken but plenty of Mc here's a fact about me that you guys might not know but I haven't eaten at McDonald's in 22 years now

so good for you well there are multiple reasons one i think uh i just don't want to and two um i'm scared of clowns and their mascot looks like it yeah so yeah well first of all you're absolutely correct no one should eat a mcdonald's unless they got a new burger that's true which they always do um okay so the first one i had is the spicy habanero okay and i bit it and it and I thought, ooh, this is spicy. I started sweating a little bit. Now, in this scenario, are you buying this at the drive-thru and sitting in your car eating? Yes.

Or, yes, you're not dining in restaurants. No, no, no, no. I'm not going to risk my life more than I have to. Literally, I had one and I thought, oh, if I have the other two, I can probably talk about it on the podcast. Yeah, absolutely. So I was, you know, I lined up outside

the opening day of each of these. That Ronald came and sang the national anthem. I kneeled for it. So that was the first one. Spicy habanero.

Next was the spicier Szechuan, which tasted exactly like the spicy habanero. There was nothing spicier or Szechuan about it. I don't know what I was expecting. Something authentic? Something Chinese? Yeah, maybe something Chinese. But you say on the hotness scale, it's hotter than the first one.

No, I would say it's exactly the same as the first one. Oh, exactly the same. Okay. But they had promised that it would be spicier? Yeah. And then the third one I got, that's called the spiciest ghost pepper. Okay. And that is the one, so I got that one and I, like I, when I was taking it out of the box, a little bit of the sauce.

Basically, it's all just a regular big chicken, but instead of of mayonnaise they've put a different orange mayonnaise on it um but the ghost pepper one the spiciest one i had a little a little bit on my finger and i licked it and i was like oh this is gonna be some trouble this is gonna be this is and then i had a bite and it was it was spicier yeah but then it didn't get harder to eat as i went it was it by the end i was like that was fine yeah that was well i'm glad you survived the adventure dave i really i'm glad you survived it so yeah do you guys like spicy food i'm a big spicy food guy you do yeah oh yeah There's a hot sauce shop in Tawasin Mills in the LMO that they sell specific hot sauce. And I go in there regularly to the point where the guys know my name. It's kind of sad, but true. And they're like, we have a sauce that's gonna make you walk ryan and i'm like

finally and then no guarantees the only people that suffer are my caregivers after that because they can help me clean up the uh when i was in high school my friends and I skipped class and we went to a mall that had a grocery store and we all agreed that we would steal one pepper from the vegetable department oh you are a bad kid yeah I am a bad kid

so we went out into the mall and we all ate the pepper and then I thought I was going to die it was like so fucking hot uh it was screaming and crying and oh didn't know what to do i what when i i remember i went to a birthday party once when i was like 11 at red robin and there was a plate of nachos that had jalapenos on it and i had one bite of jalapeno and like conveniently vomited up the one bite. Like under the table, nobody knew. But now Graham, do you like spicy?

I like a little bit, but I don't like the extreme, like putting yourself through a grinder. Have you seen that show Hot Ones where the guy interviews people while they eat progressively spicier wings? Oh yeah. It's good.

It's a good idea. I hope my comedy career takes off to the point where I get to participate in that show actually. I really want to be on that show. That's one of my career goals. Besides doing this podcast. Yeah like would it be enough to just have the wings maybe i don't know like i'm really i i'm curious like i don't think i could

i think maybe the fourth wing i would tap out oh yeah i don't even think I'd get that far. I'd have one. I'd be like, ooh, yikes. I went to Buffalo Wild Wings a couple years ago. I think I told this story on the show. And then my first bite of, it was their standard spicy, wasn't an extra hot one. My first bite, and I was hiccuping uncontrollably, and everyone was worried about me. And I felt like a real amateur

i remember an episode i think it was the maury povich show he sent these wings to boot camp he had an episode where it was like uh you know people with weird uh abilities and one of them was a guy could eat the hottest pepper and not break a sweat at all and so then they got somebody out of the audience who was like I can eat that pepper and he took a bite and then it was so hot and he rubbed his eyes with hands that had just been on the pepper

and so he's screaming I'm blind I'm blind I'm blind oh boy oh um yeah no i uh yeah so i had some spicy food but not really it was fine there's a mexican restaurant by my house that when i go there the grandmother brings out their hot sauce that the family uses that they don't even sell in the restaurant because she knows the stuff they have for their regular customers isn't hot enough for me.

And she gets so excited when I'm there. So, yeah, I'm a big fan of spicy food. You ever get some in your eye? Yeah, all the time. But, who knows? I would like to see people competitively eating spicy food where they were like wearing goggles or those kind of like, you know, Oakley sunglasses. There is a documentary on Netflix where it's like people that do extreme things and they do a pepper contest and there is a guy that does wear goggles and stuff

on the show so yeah it does happen dave i believe it i believe it even just like that little bit of skin at the edge of your nose between like the top of your uh mustache area i find that that's very sensitive to spice the um there was a friend of mine watched a documentary about one of those like a professional eater uh the speed eater and in the documentary he and his kids were at a pizza restaurant and he ate a whole pizza really quick and then was it vigo martinson it was vigo big reveal it was vigo martinson and that's why he was cast in that movie. But he ate the pizza and he was with his kids and his kids were like, we don't want pizza.

So then he finished the pizza and then they went to McDonald's and then he ate another meal. It's not just a competition for him, it's a lifestyle. I take my kids to mcdonald's from time to time and i could do that you could do you could eat a meal actually no i what i could do is i could eat a regular meal and then eat the happy meals that they do not finish do they have like i don't feel guilty about taking my kids to mcdonald's because they

eat so little of it yeah yeah and like don't like happy meals now have like books or something and then they don't have fun they can be books but nobody wants that i'll be honest like the toys are garbage the toys are the worst the kids the toys are borderline worse than kinder surprise oh really yeah and the but and the it's the kids throw them away like they don't make it out of the car right yeah i remember so i want it i'm like get the book yeah get the book it's just a daniel steel yeah it's howard Stern's private arts. It's got Fabio on the cover. Yeah. You kids love Fabio. Yeah.

What's going on with you, Graham? Well, last week, was it last week that I talked about eating an orange? A couple of weeks ago, I think. Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. I talked about uh discovering sumo oranges and following it very is this a food podcast are we primarily a food

podcast yeah and like i've had a torrid love affair with these sumo oranges ever since i discovered them and uh somebody in our facebook group i said that they're only seasonal and the season's drawing to a close. And so I'm eating them like my life depended on it. The one you ate in that episode was a $6 orange from Whole Foods. Yes. And that still remains the benchmark of excellent soup. Have you gotten a $6 orange from Whole Foods again? No, but i will before

the season's out because a listener sent a five dollar gift certificate to whole foods marissa g so so next orange is on her well most of it most of it yeah i still have to come up with the dollar i'll busk outside i'll eat a whole pizza outside with the dollar. I'll busk outside. Hat toos. Give it a bing bong boo. Hat toos. I'll eat a whole pizza outside. Have you tried the sumo orange, Ryan? No, but I want to. I'm intrigued. I really

like fruit. I tried the square grape for the first time. It was more rectangle, but it was like not round. It really weirded me out, but it was really good. So I don't know what it was called. Where did you get that?

I have a local fruit stand slash vegetable stand that I go to and they just bring in fruit from all over the world i've heard of like i've heard of a square watermelon yeah but it's just like grown in a cube like they just grow it in a cube and it's just a regular watermelon that's been had its feet bound but it won't uh it won't roll away when you're trying to slice it no yeah he's put like a loaf

of bread um so sumo orange ryan i insist you try a sumo orange before the season yeah and i would like to try this rubik's grape you were talking about yeah well i'll bring you some grapes dave and you can eat the grapes and i'll have an orange great it's a it's a date it sounds good dave will take you to mcdonald's though i will yeah you i will scare you i'll take you to mcdonald's because it's bad for you and it'll scare you they really don't have much much um ronald's not there very much these days he's not in the ads no i'm already disabled enough i don't need to and i just learned the other day that grimace was supposed to be a taste bud did you guys know that i did know that we know

we know all uh graham could i give you uh 50 facts about mcdonald's lane yeah one of which is grimace used to be a bad guy so there you go yeah he used to steal milkshakes yeah and he had four hands he stole milkshakes but i do remember like mcdonald's as a kid do you guys remember when it used to be like a big deal to have your birthday party mcdonald's and then they give you a tour of mcdonald's like you could go in the back and they'd show you how everything worked used to be yeah used to be i had my 40th birthday at mcdonald's yeah i remember like that was a the two things that were like if you had a rich kid friend

one of them would be mcdonald's the other one would be a movie. Going to the movies. Yeah. As a group. Can you imagine? Can you imagine as an adult taking like seven kids to a movie? But they're cheaper. Yeah, they are cheaper. But still, like just the like, well, you're going to ruin this experience for everybody else in the theater. But kids movies are meant like kids movies are full of kids. Like you're like you're not

you're not taking seven kids to driving with daisy you should though yeah you should learn you know we're all we're all humans and uh some of us drive some of us don't anyway grimace is canceled grimace is canceled i've uh i've been eating sumo oranges. Like, I don't know if that person that wrote in the Facebook group is correct, but if, if not, I'm putting myself through a lot of, a lot of, uh, oranges, Mandarin oranges, uh, natural laxative. I don't know if you guys know that. Tell me less.

Um, so I'm going to eat many more oranges. The other thing that's going on is, uh, so in my building, the, uh, laundry machines are on the ground floor and there's only two washing machines and two dryers.

And it has like a key, uh, drama of your building. I love all the little, I love knowing every little, uh, thing that's happening. This is very Melrose.

What to be on the lookout for. Yeah. So, um, I went down to do laundry and do you guys kind of know the, like the courtesy things of the laundry room? Like, so you're talking about if someone has washed their clothes and not come to move them along to the dryer you you have you have to do something yeah and it's same as if the dryer's off and you have a bunch of clothes in there you got to take them out put them on the top of the dryer but you're not you don't need to fold them no you don't need to fold them you put it in

whatever basket they have and but if if they have done the laundry and it's they've just got wet clothes and they haven't bothered to put them in the dryer you just put them on top yeah you just put them on top that's not you don't need to move them along for them and pay for them to put them in the dry yeah so and that's the thing like there's not it's not a coin it's like a fob thing to get them to go okay so uh you know that's fabio over here fabio brand but uh so i took out the laundry that's in the dryer put it on the top of the machine put my stuff in and then i went upstairs and then when I came back, my laundry bag was missing. And I was like, well, this is insane.

There's only one other person that's been using the laundry today. So... Is your laundry bag an Ikea bag? Mm-hmm. Big blue Ikea bag. Yeah. Classic. Those bags rule. I mean, they're very common.

So maybe the other person was like, oh, did i leave my ikea bag here yeah so that like i could see that it would be a mistake and then when i took my laundry out i brought upstairs uh i was folding laundry and i found a tiny pair of baby pants baby sweatpants they were so tiny and i was like is this was this maybe revenge for me so so wait wait wait wait you okay you put your stuff in the laundry yeah or in the dryer dryer when you come back the the the clothes that you had put on top were gone along with your laundry bags but a pair of baby pants was placed in and how did you get, you just carried your stuff

loose to the, back to your apartment? No, I had to get another bag and then go down there and fill it up and then bring it back and yeah, that's when I found the baby pants which I put them on several objects, on a phone, on a piece of fruit. They were so tiny, it was great.

Was it a sumo orange? Yeah, I could have put it on a sumo orange. I also put my fingers down the pants and then did like a Kate Kline thing. Hello my baby. That's right. So I returned

the pants were returned to the laundry room and uh with a note that said if you actually want to see your baby give me back my laundry bag so uh so there was a note attached that said hey if you accidentally maybe accidentally took that bag and uh the when i went back down the next day the pants were gone still no blue bag so nobody yeah so this whoever is doing this they're getting some kind of sick thrill out of this well i'll tell you something graham uh having a very small child, you lose your mind. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. But I can understand taking it, but then seeing that the pants were there and having a note and then going, okay, well, next time I do the laundry, I'll bring down the blue bag.

Next time you need to be a little more threatening. Instead of leaving a note, leave a little picture of Liam Neeson that says, my bag has been taken. I have a certain special set of skills mostly folding laundry yeah not uh doing an american accent his american accent is i'm american i'm american i'm bulgarian i'm bulgarian i'm speaking in an American accent. But anyways, so, uh,

bag has still not been returned. Uh, this is, and this is the thing too, is cause I knew it was the new mother in the building. Cause there was a note in the lobby that said, congratulations to, you know,

Tim and Stacy on there. Condolences to her neighbors. So, so I was like oh okay i'll just look on the on the buzzer and see who who it is and then i'll track them down that way and uh they what they don't have any last names on the posting in the lobby so i've been uh i've been foiled on several fronts still do not have a laundry bag would you like a laundry i can give you we have so many of them um no we want ours back it's a lot of memories yeah a lot of memories it's the principle of the thing now i just buy i buy them every time i go to ikea i get like a thing of mustard a blue bag we also got some of those we got some of those uh pride bags so the flag bags rainbow flag bags

the uh what's the other thing it's mustard flag bags is there some other cheap oh tea candles i feel like tea candles or something oh yeah i mean we have a running list of like 10 ikea things that we get. Yeah. Do you candle one of them? No, we're not candle people. Ryan, are you a candle guy? Actually, I quite enjoy candles, but I'm not allowed to go near them. Because it's forbidden fruit for you. But actually, I do have quite a few candles in the house. Nice.

Way too many for a single guy anyway. Yeah, unless you're like the Phantom of the Opera or something. Who is a single guy that loves candles? Yeah, so the saga of the bag continues. I don't know what the next chapter is going to be. Just acceptance? Ziploc bags. That's my other big idea. Yes, Ziploc bags. That's my other big IQ.

Yes. Ziploc bags. Yes. So many different sizes. Reusable. Well, yeah. Ziploc ones aren't, are they? I mean, if you put dry stuff in.

Yeah. Like a little baby pair of pants. Yeah. Or a little bunch of Lego. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. a little baby pair of pants yeah a bunch of lego yeah yeah okay so eating oranges losing bags i think that's it i think that's what you know not goes uh there's not a ton going on week to week no no i know are you uh have you got the vaccine yet no you no ryan vaccine no but they keep wanting to push it on me because because of my disability and how connected i am to social services and i'm like listen i'm a quad spastic cerebral palsy i'm screwed up enough i don't need the vaccine i'm good you know

i'm not just gonna do the opposite make me walk I don't want it well you gotta trust Ryan's science on this one yeah Ryan's science is it's legit he's done the research yeah I don't know how I feel about the vaccine yet so I don't know what to do

I'll tell you how I feel about it I I love it. Yeah, I love it. I love it even more. I want it in me. Yeah, looking forward to that juicy vaccine. Yeah, give me that prick. Give me the jab. Should we move on to some overheards?

Let's do it. Alright. Hey folks folks it's me james arthur m host of minority corner your home through these but wild times for weekly doses of pop culture history news nerdy stuff and more through a bipoc queer and allied lens that's how you get joel schumacher putting nipples on batman yeah i didn't ask and i say this as a game i say this as a gay man didn't ask for it i don't need to see batman's nipples on his suit who is this for who is this for i did a bunch of research i wanted to just know about the history of black people in argentina so not only did they erase black people from their history they also started to flip and use it as slurs we're not done like we're not done with the work that needs to be done.

And so stay awake. So join me and some of your new BFFs every Friday here on Maximum Fun to stay informed, empowered, and have some fun. Minority Corner, because together, we're the majority. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where if you're lucky, if you're one of the lucky ones, maybe you've been out in the world and you've heard something great.

If you have, you can send it along here to the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest. Ryan, would you lead the charge? Okay. This one, it involved these two other ladies that live in my building. We're both wearing masks. They crossed each other's path in the hallway. And one said to the other one, would you like a mint?

And she handed her her mints. And she's like, no, I'm good. And then the other lady's like, you should take the mint. And it was the funniest thing I've ever heard because they both wear masks my cat does that when you not know her breath stinks trust me

take the mint yeah I can smell you through the mask Graham you've known me a long time so you know when I really laugh at something my whole body shakes and my whole wheelchair shakes. Well, I couldn't help but do that. So I drew attention to the whole situation.

It was good, buddy. It was good. And the landlord posted a note about this mint situation, mint gate. Yes. But I think during the pandemic, you shouldn't be sharing mints yeah especially with old people yeah but you know you could you try telling that to a senior that you know you're not supposed to share mints they'll throw a fit you know share share the mints they grew up during the depression right so they know how important mint is. Yeah. Yeah.

They used to slice thin slices of mint. You could see through the little slice of mint. It was translucent. It was so thin. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yes, I do, Graham. Who am I speaking to now? Hello, Dave here. First time caller.

The other day we were, my two daughters, we have this wagon we got that kind of folds up and, but you unfold it and you can like carry stuff to the beach or you can put two kids in it, but the kids are getting very big for it. But they haven't been in it since last summer. And they were like, dad, let's go in the wagon. And they are very big for it. It's like there's not enough room for two kids in this wagon. But I was taking them to the park and, uh, we were coming down the street, coming down the sidewalk and coming down the other way. That was a mother with,

uh, two boys, both riding scooters. And, uh, the older boy was about eight and saw us coming and realized he would have to get out of the way of this big wagon. And he was saying to his mom,

mom, who has the right of way it's these two grown-ups in the wagon yeah like there's like there are rules about that on the sidewalk here's who has the right of way the bigger the bigger thing yeah the bigger thing that's true and i mean especially if it's motorized they have right away yeah exactly that's why i never move for people on the sidewalk and if i go through a large group of people i just pretend like my brakes don't work and then large groups of people need to learn not to walk together yeah that's right Large groups of people need to learn not to walk together.

Yeah, that's right. I forget we're in a pandemic. We're not supposed to do that. I apologize. Well, you've outed yourself and there's no going back. No, I didn't even mean the pandemic. I just mean it's obnoxious when large groups of people are on the sidewalk. Oh, yeah.

It's true. It's true. My overseen, And like I say, barely counts, but it also is a mystery to me is, uh, there's a, like,

I think there's a high school somewhere near here. Am I right about that? I feel like there's teens. I see teens. I don't know. Perv. I think there might be a high school. Uh,

see a lot of girls in tank tops. Yeah. I, uh, I've only been to it of girls in tank tops. Yeah. I, uh, I've only been to it to hand in my form of my, uh, offenders living in your neighborhood form. I actually don't know if there is a high school around here. I was thinking about that when my,

my kids get into high school age, I don't know where they'll go. Um, juvie, I guess. They'll go to ju they'll go. Um, Juvia, I'm guessing. They'll go to Juvia. Yeah. Um,

but I saw two teens walking, uh, and I thought they were normal teens, but then one still seemed normal, but one was wearing a hoodie backwards. Hmm. So the, the hood part under the chin and the,

the pocket part on the back. And I don't know if that guy's cutting edge or if I, is he just, what's he doing? Yeah, if you pull up the hood, is there like a skeleton face on it to scare you? Probably. I didn't even think about that. But he had it like bunched up. It looked like a scarf under his neck. I guess so.

These Gen Z's are trying to tell us how to dress so i'm not allowed to wear skinny jeans or have a side part anymore i mean i thought they were teens but they were 40 year old yeah yeah one of whom is dead. Were their pants on backwards too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a... What is your story about that? Were they walking down the street because they missed the bus? My story about that is when I went to camp,

the camp, this is going to be too long of a story. The camp was at a lake lake but it had a giant hill at the top like you there's a parking lot and then you had to walk all the way down the hill to get to the lake and the first day of camp there were these this was like the last year i went to camp i was maybe 12 or 13 and there were some other older kids there that were over camp and they were the moment they got to camp the first, they were at the top of the hill, putting their fingers down their throat, vomiting to see whose barf would go the furthest down the hill. Anyway, they were tough boys. They were tough kids.

And as the week went on, was whatever 1992 and at the end the last day of camp you had to do a every cabin was going to put on a skit and our skit was uh about crisscross and we were wearing our clothes backwards and these two tough boys were like hey why are your clothes on backwards uh oh because we sometimes dress like that in tribute to our friend who used to dress like that and then he died and i was like no we're doing it about the famous rap group not about your friend who died yeah our skit's gonna be about a local you're gonna know who it is by the end of the skit i love that story thank you for telling yeah thanks i feel better knowing that story yeah keep you worn on the those cold nights at sea yeah uh now we also have overheard sent in from

people all over the map if you want to send one us, send it into spy at maximum fun.org. And, uh, this one comes from Derek from Nashville, Tennessee. Hey, Dave Graham, lovely guest.

I haven't overheard for y'all. My wife was talking to our four now five-year-old son, but what he wanted to do for his birthday. When I overheard the following mom, we can do whatever you want tomorrow. Henry, you get to choose Henry. Wow.

I want to teach Merlin Spanish. Mom, Henry Merlin is a dog. He can't learn Spanish. Henry Bob, it is my birthday. You said anything. Okay.

We'll teach the dog Spanish. When you were a kid, was that the rule that you got to do whatever you wanted? Or was it pre-planned and you just had to go along for the ride? Neither. My birthday was right around when my dad's birthday was. So we basically did what my dad wanted to do which was prank call your neighbors happy birthday to me happy birthday

this next one is from name redacted they specifically said redacted in the hello stop podcasting yourself I am currently volunteering at a vaccine clinic for the CV-19 pandemic.

Today at the clinic, an elderly patient told one of the attending doctors that he is allergic to barbecue sauce. Should he be worried about any side effects from the vaccination? What? Just don't inject it into his ribs i should i should let warn you that i am allergic to barbecue sauce yeah is this does this um vaccine have like a smoky quality does it have a picture of a bowl on the front of it because i can't have it

was it sticky is it would you feel comfortable spraying this on ribs is what i'm asking yeah could i get a like a moist towelette afterwards um what how can you specifically be allergic to barbecue sauce and not the like 10 things in it i don't know like maybe it's the combination of the things it's like a cocktail that you're yeah when the molasses meets the onions if if you had to make barbecue sauce at gunpoint would you know what to put in it yeah you do yeah i don't i know i know molasses and then i just hand it over i guess this is i don't know i could do it without molasses i could do it with ketchup vinegar garlic and onion oh boy i'm talking like celery seed okay we're getting real deep into it maybe some onion powder

um and season to taste yeah the liquid smoke oh yes liquid smoke which is a thing I only remember from Ron Popeil's food dehydrator yeah you would make the beef jerky are you a barbecue guy Ryan? my dad barbecued all year round man did he have his own

sauce? no well he did have his own sauce? No. He did have his own marinades and stuff, but they were just like soy sauce, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, and a couple other things that he wouldn't tell me.

Just in case you were ever on a podcast. Yeah. Just in case I was getting a COVID vaccine and found out I was allergic to barbecue sauce. You had to find out that way. This last one comes from Brandy K.

I'm at home with my 10-year-old stepson. He's doing virtual school. His math teacher always gives the kids extra time to log in and waits to take attendance, so he tends to chat with them while they wait and gets a bit distracted, so classes always start late. This drives my stepson crazy, because he just wants to get the class over with. Today I catch his eye and he lets out a big sigh, taking his headphones off,

looks at me while rolling his eyes and says, this guy. Now he's telling us about all the wonderful places we can go if we join marching band did you have a marching band at your school graham no we had band we had yeah band and then we had jazz jazz band and i feel like there's a lot of things that you don't get if your school doesn't have football yeah you don't get a marching band you don't get cheerleaders we had football we didn't have either we didn't oh we did have cheerleaders but i remember like the cheerleaders at our school were picked based on strength so it was it was uh whoever could lift another one successfully up in the air.

But I don't, uh, none of this stuff, like there wasn't football games at night and there wasn't, this is all, this is all TV, American TV shows. Yeah.

But it does, it does happen there. Right. I don't know. I don't know if, if look, I, you're looking at a guy who would have been homecoming queen.

If that was a thing. Oh man, but they dump pig's blood on you and it was like, you know. Absolutely did. But we didn't have that ceremony so they just had to like do it every Tuesday. I wasn't even allowed to go to gym class when I was a kid.

That's the best story in the world because you didn't have to do gym class yeah they made me do extra homework that's what I did you can't go to gym class but we'll let you take sex ed early how about that yeah we'll totally confuse you about it because

the video we'll show you is taught by Stephen Hawking and it takes six hours and to get through

yeah I love that they're like no Jim for you and you're like hooray they're like oh but actually

you have to write an essay about the meaning of dodgeball yeah in addition to overheards that are written and we also You have to write an essay about the meaning of dodgeball. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hi, Darren Graham and possible guests. This is Annie calling in with an overheard. I just overheard three guys talking at a bar and one said, yeah, the last time I saw her, she was sitting on the street crying.

And his friend said, aw, why? And he said, I don't know. I asked her, why are you crying? And she said, I just really regret this tattoo I just got. Okay, bye. I want to know what the tattoo was. Me too.

Ryan, you're tatted up. Yeah, you're a tatsman. Yes, I am. Are you asking me if I regret any of my tattoos? Yeah, do you have any regrets? Yes, I do actually have one regret. Most of them I'm okay with. But this one, it was the first tattoo I ever got, and I thought it'd be really funny if I got a Made in Canada tattoo on my neck to make it look like a tag on a t-shirt.

and i got it when i was like 17 and my mom to this day still bugs me she's like how do you know you were made in canada and that's like the starting joke with the family now so i have to hear it every single time someone sees it and they bring that up and i'm just like i was 17 i didn't know what I was doing I thought I was cool but turns out I wasn't that's your first mistake I've never thought I was cool I think I've told this story on the podcast where there was a guy

when I was living with a roommate the roommate's friend came over and he had just got a tattoo and he went to the bathroom and he said what did he say how many l's are there until and i was like one and it was until we meet again with two l's but was it a picture of a cash register oh yeah yeah that's true i spoke without seeing it that's funny here's your next phone call hey david graham it's patrick foley in omaha i have a kids say the darndest story uh my son

was looking through the stuff we bought for his uh newbie sister and he found a rectal thermometer that was still in its package and he said what's this i said oh it's a rectal thermometer and he found a rectal thermometer that was still in its package and he said what's this and i said oh it's a rectal thermometer and he said what's it for and i said oh well you stick it in the baby's butt so you can get her temperature he said oh i want to do that and then he started taking off his pants and i said no no no no we're not taking your your rectal temperature right now and he said why not and said, because you don't have a fever. And he said, yeah, I do. And he lifted up his shirt and he said, see, I have a fever in my butt.

Well, off I go. That kid rules. I love that he was right away. He's like, I want to do that. Okay, here we go. Give that kid a genius grant. On three. Yeah, we don't.

When we had babies, we didn't rush out and buy a rectal thermometer. You were gifted one. Everybody gets one. Yes, we were. Sure, yes. I just love how into it the kid was. Like, no, you got dad. Look, I got a fever.

You got gotta check out my butt like considering how many hours a day we don't use the thermometer like let the kid use the thermometer like get some use out of it yeah if he wants to stick the thermometer in his butt let him but don't let him just walk around with it because then he's i would let him i would be like run some experiments see if it heats up when you run around see if it heats up if you're like take a bath eat spicy food

eat too many mandarin oranges if you know what I mean you get what I'm saying alright here's your final overheard hey Dave hey Graham this is Patrick from Chicago with an overseen. I was driving home

from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan this weekend. That was basically Canada. And I saw a pickup truck with what looked like a homemade bumper sticker that said, stay home if you sick, come over if you sick. Hashtag COVID-19.

It was pretty great. Hashtag. Make sure you put a hashtag on that homemade bumper sticker. See if it's trending. And you know what? That's a good rule. It's a good rule of thumb. Stay home when you're sick, but get out there if you're sick

yeah I agree well that brings us to the end of this here episode Ryan you will be recording an album soon but in the meantime people can find you at ryanlachance.com and are you

you're on twitter right yeah I'm just ryanlachance.com and are you you're on twitter right? yeah I'm just Ryan Lachance and I'm on Instagram as Lachance Ryan for some reason yeah somebody stole Ryan Lachance from you yeah it's me I've parked on it I've parked on it all these years

yeah and yeah and I have my own podcast Ryan Lachots and the People Who Bite My Ass and you can get that on every platform that releases podcasts so

Can I get it on rectalthemometers.com? Yeah You will soon and that kid's going to be my spokesman it's just going to be awesome I take it from me. Yeah. Well, thank you

so much for being our guest. This was a ton of fun. Thank you. Everybody out there who's listening, please stay safe and take care of one another. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. of one another and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported