Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 684 - Nima Gholamipour

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

Comedian Nima Gholamipour returns to talk Pimp My Ride, gardening, and garage sales. Vote for This Sounds Serious in the Webby Awards here.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 684 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who just ran out the door to get some gauze, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh yeah. Your real gauze girl. I'm as opposed, oh like gone girl? Mm-hmm.

Sure. I was going to go with like Greek gau gauze like you know oh yes yeah uh yeah we had a little bit of blood at the house i'm told i haven't seen it it's been wrapped up uh but we didn't have a band-aid big enough no it's okay don't i don't want anyone to panic yeah just relax everybody dave got his hands on some gauze but i did have to run to the drugstore and i was only in a hurry because i had to come back and start this podcast no one's like yeah nobody's terminal yeah it's not also they should they should have that stuff right up by the till well everybody who's buying it is doing so in an emergency but i wait it's not an emergency for

that it's an emergency so i could get back here in time. But I didn't want to be like, run in and be like where's the first aid section? Our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast he is an animator he is a director, he is a comedian and we love having him here

on the show. It's Nima Golomipour. Oh, that's so nice. Hey, what's up? Hey, nothing. What's going on with you? I'm chilling, you know? Nice. Nice.

Have you been outside today? Have you been outside, Nima? I did go outside, yeah. I went outside for a lunch break. Nice. I was too lazy to cook today, so i just went outside and sat down and ate some food and came back yeah what'd you get what was lunch i got um i went to lunch lady do you know do you know lunch lady on on commercial drive what's that it's like a vietnamese place oh okay

i was really good i got the vermicelli bowl oh yeah burmbo it was really good. I got the vermicelli bowl. Oh, yeah, vermbo. It was really good. It hit the spot. I was sitting in a sunny part of the patio, and it was nice. Yeah, that sounds really nice. It was so nice. It's the best part of my day, honestly. Until now. Yeah. Should we get to know us?

Yeah, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Now, before we dig into Nima and his big bowl of vermicelli, I wanted to let the listeners know that this next week is the first week of the Max Fun Drive. Yeah. Which is the two weeks where we just showcase we bring in the best guests i mean like between you and me this week's guest second best so me i mean i i left it there and i had to i had to fill the hole uh but there yeah best guests we and this is where we really pull out the stops this is like my uh wrestling promo voice and we bring you the best uh the show has to offer and we ask you to support the show and you get to find out what this year's

enamel pin is um nema how are things going how's your How's the last year been for you? I feel like it's like I don't know It's been like what It's been with everyone I think Yeah like some people are losing a bunch of weight Some people are gaining a lot of weight I grew a beard

You grew a beard and it looks really good I grew a beard for the first time thank you Is this really the first? Yeah like it's the biggest You grew a beard and it looks really good for the first time. Thank you. Is this really the first? Yeah. Like, like it's the biggest, like I would grow like a stubble or like a bit of, but I would call this a beard now,

you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's absolutely a beard. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm having trouble picturing you without the beard. Me too.

This is like the new reference in my head. I did that. Um, yeah, it's been really, really like self-reflective yeah um what'd you find i found what i find yeah when you're self-reflecting yeah yeah uh i don't know you just like the classic like oh whoa like where is my food sources coming from and like what's important in life and like yeah uh and uh like just like

narrowing things down like having less worrying about less like focusing on less things oh no just like i feel like before like the days would be so filled with like going around and now like once you were like stuck at home you're like okay i can appreciate like my space a little bit more i'm like nice you know what i mean like setting up your kitchen better like cooking and like yeah before you had all the knives just like put like facing up and you would reach for one and cut your hand gotta lay out this kitchen better you're like i've been doing this all wrong. Um,

what's your favorite thing that you cooked during this, this whole thing? Um, I started cooking, uh, Persian food. Oh yeah. Uh, yeah.

I started calling my parents up and being like, yo, give me, give me the recipes. Give me the goods. And did you say yo to your parents when, did you call them and say yo? Yeah.

I was like, yo, yo mom. My dad will, will like use yo and text it's sick that's pretty good yeah uh yo nema i love you what uh are your both your parents good cooks um they they share the weight. They share the different recipes, different strokes,

you know? Right. Yeah. Different. My dad, like, um, my dad could cook

really good, uh, kebab. And I tried to do the, like a kebab recipe last year in the summer, during the summer,

like during the pandemic, I was like, yeah, I gotta, I gotta learn how to like, like kebab recipe last year in the summer, during the summer, during the pandemic. I was like, I got to learn how to make kebab. I did that. My mom is really good at the stews and the rice dishes. Right. Is Persian food a lot

of stews and kebabs? Yeah, a lot of kormis. We call them kormis. I don't know. yeah a lot of like uh gourmets we call them gourmets i don't know they're kind of like stewy or like like curry oh i love stewy oh brian you what are we doing oh louis flawless thank you um yeah best stewy impression I've ever heard. Yeah, it was really good.

It was good. I mean, you know, when you just like throw one over the plate so perfectly to me, I just got to spike it. World domination. I haven't watched that show in like 20 years maybe no let's say 15 is stewie still bent on world domination he's more like uh he's like a repressed gay man now that's can they all hear him is that the deal i don't know what the deal is with that like can they all hear i think the dog can hear him the dog can hear him and he can hear the dog that's what and everyone can hear the dog right yeah everybody can hear the dog oh everyone can hear the dog yeah only the dog knows

who what stewie's saying but then they go on adventures where it feels like other people know that he can talk so uh but yeah it's mostly it's mostly him and brian go on adventures together and uh and that's that's the show so he's not doing as much world domination stuff as he used to which is his early stuff which is what i love sure you know this new stuff yeah you before he settled down um okay so you're cooking kormas yeah you're uh what's your most successful thing you've made uh oh honestly like one one of the dishes like really hard to make and i made it and i was like it was like it was good it's called or miss ebzy what's the what's the deal? It's like slow-cooked beef chunks in like a green, like a spinach, cilantro, like kind of like stewy thing. Oh, man.

Lewis, give me some comments, have they? I don't know. Hey, I was cooking some noodles the other day. Scooby-Doo noodles, as a matter of fact. Raggy? Ramdan. Ramdan noodles. Well, maybe we could set each other up for impressions with food for 90 minutes.

well maybe we could set each other up for impressions with food for 90 minutes um so you've you've been cooking up a storm is it are you eating all of it or are you treating people to this or what's because you know if you make something that it feels like you have to eat it oh yeah i share with my roommate that's kind of you i share i learned how to share i mean like we heard you weren't sharing so that's okay lies um there's like there's like one the first couple chunks of covid we just were like um my roommate nathan and i were just like okay let's do like something to like boost our morale so we we did like pizza fridays so we try to make pizza every friday we just would make pizza together um you know have fun make it like like put topping like pick toppings and shit yeah yeah pizza night pizza night yeah and that was fun is it like have you been with this roommate during the whole run of things yeah and is that weird that all of a

sudden you spend all your time with your roommate because i've had roommates where most of my time is spent avoiding them so honestly no like it's been super chill uh and yeah i'm really grateful it was like we like immediately like communicated really well just like okay what do we do you know like how do we set this up how do we set up the house like and were just on it. We just went to Walmart, bought shit. Oh, as a team.

We just were like, let's do this. Yeah. I can't ever see that with any of the... Well, maybe not any of the roommates, but it would have to be a select team. I lived with seven people at one point. So I don't know if that would have went over well during a pandemic.

Graham, I see you every week on your Zoom screen, on your camera, staring into this camera. Yes. What is this red thing? Yes. You now have a red sheet next to you. I have a sparkly red sheet that I used for a quiz show. Oh, of course. I don't want to rehang it, so this is where it lives now.

And what is it? It's not covering a window. It's just covering a wall? Yeah. Well, it's covering a closet door, but it's fine. It's fine to stay closed. Sure. Where do you record?

In your bedroom? Yeah. Okay. This is where the magic happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I would record lying down if I thought that it could sound okay lie down on a green screen and make it your office like exactly be on work calls just like hey guys how's it going your face looks a little bit yeah

that weird like the sag of your skin like the sag yeah when you take yeah wasn't there somebody it was like the writer of deadwood i think used to lie on the ground and have his stuff transcribed he had like a terrible back and he was on a medication and he would just dictate the show that sounds like the best way to write as far as i can think of a better way yell the c word at people write that down does he have like genital like dysfunction like what's it called like genital dysfunction i don't know what it's called like erectile yes deadwood like is that the is that why oh i was like okay all right nice came up with that like my spine is not functioning and my... When the show was on, I wonder if

those jokes were happening. Probably. Come on. A lot of people... Or did Nima make it up? Is Nima... Nima be a time-traveling Deadwood critic? That would be great if that was your job at the newspaper, was

Deadwood critic every week. I weigh in on that'd be amazing job yeah isn't it good i've never seen it i think my dad has seen it was like saw it before and he's like yeah it's good it's good but i couldn't make it through it it was yeah written very well but it was just i i for whatever reason i couldn't follow it oh it was like like logically or just i just couldn't get invested i guess like i it was around the time it was post sopranos maybe sopranos was still on and overlapped with it right it was like before game of thrones came along where i absolutely couldn't follow the logic couldn't

follow couldn't get invested this was like a stepping stone to that yeah i i liked it a lot and then it it got canceled before they tied up all the loose ends and then they released a movie the dead ends. Pretty good. You're a Deadwood critic. Deadwood critic. I just love, I like the idea of like a local news show with like news, sports, weather, and Deadwood criticism. Deadwood criticism on the ones.

On the ones and fives. Yeah, traffic is tied up at the exit here. And over to our Deadwood critic. Well, the episode I saw last night. If you love the C word, this is the episode for you. Just a guy now in an outhouse. He's all done up in a cowboy gear uh uh no it's a good show if you're ever looking for a show to watch but who's looking for a show to watch there's too many shows there's so many shows we tried to get into watching a couple shows and um uh one we finished because it was like i think i think

the mood around it the tone was like really nice and really interesting but the acting and the writing was just like atrocious was like hot garbage it was so bad um what's the name of there was like one uh devs have you seen devs no It stands for like development or whatever, but Nick Offerman's in it. Okay. Have you seen this? No. I've never heard of this. No.

Oh, it's like about Nick Offerman plays a guy. He plays a guy who, I'm in. He's like a software, like engineer developer, like Steve Jobs type, like guru.

Okay. And he develops like a supercomputer engineer, developer, like Steve Jobs type, like guru. And he develops a supercomputer and it's about, it's in the future, it's in the future, near future. It's about AI predicting the future or the past or seeing the past or something like that because it's got so

developed. Devs would. It got a dark spin to it or whatever but it was like yeah it was cool we finished it because it was like interesting but at the same time it was like so bad there was like a character that there's these two characters that like yeah like we're in love and like midway through uh through it they were just like one of the characters was just turned to the other was like i think i love you it was like it was like so bad i i mean yeah anything i've ever anytime i ever tried to write something i definitely did i would not put anyone in love in it but if you needed ratings you'd put a pregnancy in yeah sure or

like a puppy yeah a puppy or you know many puppies it could be a pregnant puppy yeah exactly like a pregnancy and a pregnant puppy and then they all in one episode and uh you know the person from the show has uh quadruplets and so does the dog. And that's a big confusion. Mix up. Yeah. You think dogs will learn how to talk? I hope so. Do I think,

well, I know some that say, I love you. I know some, I think, and I'll always tell me, you know, how rough things are going. What's the top part of a house?

Communicate that somebody's fallen in a well. Yeah. Dogs. Yeah. I hope that dogs talk but i wonder if it'll i wonder if what they have to say is trashy oh yeah we project wholesomeness onto them right right right they also side yeah exactly like they smell they're smelling the ground all the time like they probably had a thing about how dogs think and by read a thing it was a headline and by headline I mean it was a

link and it was about how dogs think they get the same whatever chemical rush from seeing us that we do from seeing them like they think we're adorable

they're so wholesome and then they think we're adorable they're so wholesome yeah okay and then they they think we're adorable and we think they're adorable so it's like an exchange of cosmic energy kind of thing yeah it's like uh rosie o'donnell and tom cruise yes oh yes man what a time for television did you ever see the rosie o'donnell show nema no no i never saw that yeah it was like a juggernaut for a while everybody was watching it and then i don't know what happened um yeah did she just no because she she was still kind of at the top of her game when she went off yeah she was firing those koosh balls out yeah it's the It's the Rosie O'Donnell show. Yeah.

And she had a little band leader. Yeah. It was cool. Yeah. It was very cool. It was, and then she was replaced with Carolyn Ray, and no one really cared anymore. Yeah. And then there really was no daytime fun talk show until Ellen. Yeah, and then Ellen destroyed destroyed it which is weird that

the networks wouldn't pick up on that and try it again on their own network like they're they just like well ellen's done it and we don't stand a chance in hell yeah the way that they're like oh well they have the view let's have the talk yeah or the chew if you remember who could do who is the next ellen mario batali isn't it tiffany haddish right now tiffany has a daytime show what she's like she's like hosting the ellen show oh is she yeah yeah wow i am i am so not plugged into ellen news i don't know yeah i think i think, I think I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Well,

uh, you could have told me anything and I would have believed you. Cause yeah, yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen Ellen in a long time. Um, but yeah,

uh, daytime talk show makes more sense than late night talk show for some reason. Cause you want to watch something just before you get in bed. And, and if so, does it want to be James Corden? Do you want that to be the last thing that you see before you go to sleep? I don't know.

I used to love them. Like, I would love staying up. Like, the idea now of staying up after 1230 and keeping the TV on. Just to see, like, a celebrity, you know, promoting know promoting their movie yeah it's very strange but uh the chemistry between the host and the celebrity that vibe yeah yeah yeah we're like want to see that before bed yeah exactly like but you know only if it's a good vibe otherwise you're gonna have tossing and turning sleep the whole night. Yeah, it's true. Like, what? Danny DeVito was being weird with Conan. I do remember, like, a time when I would just be up all super late,

and then I remember, like, slowly going to bed earlier and being like, whoa, I was only awake for Conan's monologue and the first sketch. I didn't see the second sketch between the guests. Nima, have you ever been a late night watching guy? Not a whole lot, I guess. I mean, I've seen like, yeah, I see like highlight reels of late night shit, but it's like not really tuned in to watch a full episode.

Yeah, like what was the equivalent when you were a kid? Because I feel like when we were younger, that was prime watching talk show time because you just want to see the jokes and see the celebrity. And you want to see what grown-ups are doing. I feel like when I was a kid, I was

watching like I think I was watching more like mtv or like oh yeah okay yeah hit my ride shit like that like yeah whatever happened to that i love that show yeah oh there's like a subreddit this is so funny it's like a subreddit of like the cars now. And they're like, they're like, uh, it's like this guy being like, my aquarium tank is moldy and the aquarium tank of my truck is moldy. And I am having trouble. I like, there's a dead fish in there. I couldn't get them out.

It was, yeah. I've, I heard that like so much of it is like, so if people don't remember Pit My Ride, you exhibit would, would. Exhibit A, exhibit would come to your house. It would come to your house and you had a terrible car. You would take it to the shop and they would put a glittery paint job on it. Like I have you open up the hood and there's a flat screen TV and a PlayStation 2 in there. Like an ATM in there. Yeah.

Or whatever. Just like an aquarium. Yeah. They would find, it would be like, I want to caricature. Yeah. They would like find out what you liked or like what your vibe was.

Yeah. Like Denise wants to be a dentist when she grows up. We'll put a dentist chair and you can go and perform freelance dental surgery and the people would get and in the show it's half an hour and they they're blown away by the result but in real life apparently like the car would disappear they would be in the shop for four months and yeah they wouldn't have a car this whole time yeah oh yeah did it take like years to build it's like yeah because in the show it looks like half an hour like an afternoon or something but yeah in reality it's like they're

dismantling a car and putting it back together uh and it's like such a like it just seems like such a uh like if you wouldn't want to park that car anywhere no because it would get stolen or ruined yeah and it's usually people who are like like lower income bracket and they like are living in like the suburbs so it's like this getting this like flashy car it's like unreal like unrealistic just just fix their car like could it just yeah yeah fix just fix their car. Like, could it just be like, fix my car. Could it just be as simple as that? Yeah. Yeah.

People would cut, like you imagine taking your aquarium car home and people, you know, a criminal breaks in and steals all your fish. Yeah. Exactly. I think one time they put a shark in the back or something like that. This guy loved it. Why not? Yeah, I hear you love sharks. So we put a shark in the back or something like that. This guy loved it. Why not? Yeah, I hear you love sharks, so we put a shark in your car.

Jaws is your favorite movie. No! How do you think the pitch for that show, like, because I would never be able to come up with that idea of a show, so would it be... Exhibit was a rapper. Yes. was he in a group and an actor well what did he act in i'm not sure okay i'll take your word for sure uh nobody let me see i do i do know he was something he was in something or something like he's good but i forget okay but exhibit man of different hats for sure but do you think he

invented but my ride or is he just a host i'm not sure okay i i there's this clip on youtube and it's just like all the intros i don't know if you remember the intros of paint my ride yes yeah where he would bump bump bump and he's like what's up you guys and then he'd be like, what's up you guys. And then he's, he'd be like today, we're going to pimp this person's ride. Um, and, and he's like, my name is X to the Z exhibit.

Yeah. It's like, well, could pimp my ride. And it'd be like these flashy cuts, but they're like, it's done on like the cheapest budget. Yeah.

Like the cheapest, like form of, uh, like video software, like video editing. So all, all these transitions and like these like special effects are like really really like cheap but they just like they were so creative like it

was so beautiful but how like uh simply creative they were so it'd be like a montage of like exhibit standing and like on in an alleyway and like them filming him getting closer and closer and stop motion him getting closer to the frame. Oh yeah. It'd be like pop, pop, pop, popping in like around this like alleyway.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like something for the monkeys or the Beatles. And then they, they got into the areas where like they would do like, um, he would be like would be like like raise his hand in the air and then like they would put like a ghost effect on him and he would disappear

and like appear in front of the camera like like reappear it's like uh a 20 i think it's i don't know how long it is but it it's like 30 minute long, uh, compilation of every intro. Well, I know. I absolutely have to watch it. Yeah. That sounds great. Doesn't he also like,

doesn't he also burn the people's whose car it is? Doesn't he like come in and insult them right to their face? Oh, they must've had writers. They must've had, I bet that was a fun gig for a, an up and coming comedian. Yes.

Yeah. Like he probably had a thing like a, uh, like a thing in his ear and they were like pitching jokes as he was. I'm sure they were able to just have him come back and get told, say this joke. Or maybe he's a master improviser. I feel like he was like, he had a good care chemistry with like the people. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you, and at the end he would grab the person's t-shirt, pinch their shirt and say, you've been pimped. Oh yeah. And you've been pinched. Yeah.

Ow. Ow. That's my flesh. I honestly, I haven't thought about that show in so many years and now I so desperately want to just binge watch you just want to just end this show so you can watch

that compilation that was I guess what I was watching yeah well you can't compete with that late night has nothing up in my ride MTV Cribs who is the best episode of cribs i've only seen like two and i've seen canadian ones and they're not quite as extravagant yeah you're like this person lives in a condo yeah downtown vancouver there was the woman i'm the lead singer of jackalope the one i saw was the woman who is a member uh centilia i think was there last night from ace of base yeah no no no not

an ace of base base is base yeah yes ivana santilli yeah and her place was really nice but it was just like like i'm sure the cameraman had to like shrink into the corners to to make it look bigger than it was yeah i remember buck 65 canadian rapper buck 65's place and it was like yeah that's that's a good a good house yeah that's a good house but there's no like oh i loved how in cribs more often than not there were just a lot of people hanging out in the house yeah and the fridges the fridges were stocked and like completely uh you know staged yes yeah but you know how there was all these people like just they'd walk around a corner there'd be like six people sitting on a couch yeah and that's you know that wasn't a mistake they didn't just show up the day you have a

favorite nema um the the macy Gray one is really good. Yeah. That's my favorite. Do you remember that one? Yeah. Hey. Every room's a different color. Yeah.

And she had a different outfit for every room that matched it. Yeah. She's so funny. Yeah. Oh, this one, the one semicircle couch she had. Yeah. I think about it all the time.

Yeah. Everyone has like also like a movie, a theater room oh yeah yeah but like i always is that fun for you if it's your like are you just going in there watching the news or does it always have to be late late night late night television um yeah we're like i guess playing a video game on a big screen would be pretty fun watching the news well sometimes I think in the later seasons the producers got wise and they were like

let's show MTV Cribs on your TV yeah yeah yeah on every TV even the fridge TV or the kitchen TV like wow Jesus why do you need all these TVs yeah it was like what a good i guess it was the updated version of uh lifestyles of the rich and famous yeah they kind of were you know uh trump's house i guess or some other right right lee iacocca let's say

um yeah huh but in those tiny homes i'm just picturing like like the cameraman just hugging the walls yeah yeah yeah and like having to like can we move this lamp out of the way because i gotta get right up close to the wall yeah i think there were a couple where they were like do you also have an office we could go to like a separate. Oh yeah. The Gene Simmons one had his office. Oh yeah. I mean, yeah. Well,

at least he's got, he probably has an office in his house. Yeah. Probably got a lot of gold records on the wall. Well, we saw his, he had his own show. Yeah,

that's true. And I, that I've been actively trying to block out from my memory. Whereas like Rosie's just drifted into the background but there was like yeah there's like a bunch there's like the ozzy osbourne show yeah that one was really good was it yeah that was like the first one of those i just like uh the daughter osbourne that put out that music the cover ellie Papa and others. Yeah. She could be the new Ellen.

That's the big, that's her agent pitching her. Oh, she could be the new Ellen. Probably not, but could be. It's not, it's not impossible.

Um, yeah. MTV like that. That's when they just decided no more music videos we're just going to be fun reality shows and not script they never read a scripted show did they i don't know scripted show like it like a comedy show yeah i'm sure i don't know we don't like we we live in canada we did we mtv wasn't a so much a thing here yeah you. Yeah, you'd have to go in the upper hundreds channels to get MTV

Canada. There was no... They had The Hills. The Hills. What's the surf one? Is that the surf one? Well, that was Laguna Beach. Well, Laguna Beach predated The Hills. The Hills had eyes. And the rest is history.

Yeah. Laguna Beach was about high schoolers. The Hills had eyes. And the rest is history. No, I don't. Laguna Beach was about high schoolers. And then one of the high schoolers had her own show called The Hills. And Spencer Pratt was from that show. Right. Oh, yeah. In Canada, on MTV Canada, they would package The Hills as a one-hour block.

It was. And so they would have a hills after show and during the hills that when they went to commercials they would have the two hosts of the hills after show throwing to stuff like throw like hey what did you think about this we'll talk about that after the commercial and then they come back to the hills and they were able then to package that as an hour of Canadian broadcasting. Right. Because it was. Genius. That is genius.

Because they had to fulfill their licenses. And who hosted the Hills after show? Dan Levy. Dan Levy. That's right. Now, what after show, if you could pick any television show to host an after show of? Like, you've just sat sat down the audience has just watched whatever it is and then you're on you're on you're ready to go you've got an interview

with one of the cast members and i gotta say deadwood i gotta go deadwood i gotta go deadwood no i think it's like every episode is like boy i did not understand that. Yeah. Heady, heady stuff. Um, it was, uh, they do it for like the walking dead and like things that people have like theories about. Right.

They, they really should do it with Ellen. They should be like, here, we did it two hour Ellen block every day. Um, yeah. Cause they have like have like uh what is the one with uh the real housewives they they have like an after show of that is it every week or is it i think so okay and then like i feel like one of them was hosted by like fred savage or something i somehow fred savage is all intertwined with this in my mind um and you know what i could use with a little like a little more fred savage

on yeah i would do i would host a wonder years after show special to the dvd some blu-ray content yeah sure or is it not on anymore? His voice from the future is 100 now. Did you ever watch The Wonder Years? That's before your time, right, Nima? Wonder Years? No, I don't think I watched that. What is that? It was in the late 80s, early 90s, and it was about the 60s.

Yeah. And it was like a voiceover of this kid. I don't think I watched that, yeah. Oh, it ruled. But how could he have remembered all that stuff? Because if you think back to when you were a teenager, how many things do you remember? Well, I didn't grow up in the wonder years. You grew up in the most wonderful years

that's why you remember it um yeah it was it was a hell of a show um yeah I it's like did you ever watch a show did you did you ever kind of like hate watch a show I didn't do that with the wonder years but I did with a show called

seventh heaven which was about a breeze i know seven yeah i think i used to watch seven yeah yeah me too and it's just very like melodramatic family shit yeah it's just family family show and uh you know it'd be like because jessica beal was on it yeah yeah and she would you know you would be at a party and somebody would smoke a joint and then uh she would cover for them or something it was yeah every episode had a lesson right yeah and uh and uh you know i remember reading an interview with jessica beal and she was complaining about the show and the writing on the show. And she said, like, literally last week, I filmed an episode where I come in the room, take off my shoes and say, boy, my dogs are barking.

Like how a teenager would well wasn't it like she wanted off the show and so she posed for like stuff magazine or something like not yeah not playboy or anything nude but like just like too racy for seventh heaven oh yeah like a maxim yeah those went away that was the that was magazine deluxe i mean the there were certainly so many of them at the time the like horny lad mag the incredible name horny horny lab mag yeah there was maxim there was stuff there was gear there was horny lad mag there was fhm were those a thing when you were in your early 20s late teens at all or were any of them still around yeah I think so

I don't know like uh Playboy Maxim Playboy and Maxim are not the same thing Mad TV Mad TV Mad TV is one of them yeah and then like yeah like the Vogue's like the teen Vogue's or like, or what was that one?

You're lumping these all into the same category. Yeah. Playboy, teen Vogue. We had all of them. Just listing magazines. Yeah. There's a whole section at the 7-Eleven. Yeah.

There's a. Did you ever read magazines, Nima? Is that, you're you're not 10 years younger than us not really no i don't like i don't read a lot of books or magazines are books there's a lot of pictures well i like i like the national geographic so that's like i like reading those ones yeah yeah yeah i feel like um a lot of people had parents that were either like stash of Playboy's dad or National Geographic dad. And then there was nobody in between. Not in my household.

Neither? No. Wild. We started about a year ago during the pandemic. We subscribed to magazines. started about a year ago during the pandemic we subscribed to magazines and it's um yeah i don't like the idea of having a a collection of national geographics or a collection of anything is crazy to me now like yeah the these things get recycled within the month yeah and like uh back in the day the full function of national geographic for a kid was to make collages oh yeah

totally cut them up and yeah yeah yeah and you know just like for a school project if you had you needed a picture of a horse no problem natural geographic got you covered you should have just started marketing that way like just make it a cut out magazine

just lean into that branding it's got all sorts of ads for different glues that you can make it a cutout magazine. Collage magazine. Just lean into that, that branding. It's got all sorts of ads for different glues that you can... Yeah, you'd save so much on paying journalists.

This is just pictures and like, there's just a page with like, different fonts of letters. Like, if you want to cut out. This is also for,

you know, people writing ransom notes. Let's not count them out as an audience really great fun though yeah if you ever read kids magazines do you remember like ranger rick or chickadee no no i remember there being a kid's version of national geographic called like world or something like that and so i would get that i was i was being groomed to be a national geographic subscriber yeah and it never happened i i remember going away for a trip with my family

and i knew i had a muppet magazine that would probably arrive while we were away like and i was i told my family like someone in my family i like, I'm so excited to go home and see all our mail. And I don't think, anytime mail has come up since, my family has made fun of me for wanting to see all our mail. Like this is a 35-year-old joke in my family that Dave wanted to see the mail. Do you have anything like that neva like an inside family joke that they just resuscitate every time something happens it's like i don't know yeah it's not a joke it's like my dad is like super forgetful so it's just like a classic like classic i mean i think that's right i think of like a joke that's like running in the family right now.

Yeah. Well, you should use that Stewie joke I made before. I just bring that up. Every time my mom cooks a stew, like, Ooh, what's this?

What's this mean? Teach me the recipe. Teach me the recipe, won't you? So I can take over the world. That's pretty good like it's not bad yeah it's pretty good yeah second best one i've heard today damn do you have one graham because i have another one uh there's not specifically ones about

my family but there's things we saw as a family that then stuck in. It was a constant recycled punchline. And there was a kid. So there was a day at my church when I was a kid that was like, you could bring your pet in and the pet would be blessed by the, who the officiate did a local news crew. Who, the officiate? Did a local news crew come down? And so they would welcome each dog or whatever up to the front of the church,

and they would say their name, like, please welcome Lemon or whatever. No way. And then one kid, I can't remember his name but he's he had a guinea pig and the person who brought him up had to say and now welcome blackie brownie sniffy heffernan so that was that was an ongoing joke still still to this day. When I remember one Christmas, I got a sweater, and I didn't really like the sweater. My sisters, this was the 80s, and they loved this clothing brand called Esprit. Oh, yeah. And I got this ugly sweater, and they were like, oh, what brand is it? And the brand was just some

like throwaway name it was called departures oh sure and my uh sister said oh departures that's boys esprit they were trying to like get me to like the sweater we love esprit so departures is boys esprit so anytime i'm ever in an airport with them now it's like oh departures oh that's boys whenever they see the sign for departures yeah geez yeah it's fun they will family is fun family's fun and even do you and your roommates have uh your roommate have an ongoing you have an inside joke uh it's well kind of like we just go like duct tapes more of a landlord than our landlord or some shit like that um yeah how's your landlord good bad he's different ugly he's okay it's it's like um

i don't know i feel like a lot of things here are like poorly made or you know they're just like falling apart sure and it's that kind of that kind of vibe where it's like negligent like a bit negligent and like you're you're like is the way things are happening like downstairs is being renovated like the the business downstairs it's like it's not happening properly you just like feel like you're like it's not happening properly you just like feel like like things are not happening properly or yeah like corners are being cut yeah yeah that kind

of vibe and it's like okay if they're doing that then we're also gonna like do whatever we want yes yeah exactly that's like you're just kiss your you know damage deposit goodbye go nuts yeah you know what tear down a wall put up a new wall you know blast or something

graham put up a red sparkly curtain that's right and my landlord is none the wiser well thank you very much yeah it's uh it's popping yeah it's it adds a little flair. I must say, my room is pretty... It was pretty drab before this, but now I'm looking, it's fun. It's like being backstage at a show. And I fall asleep there, which is the bit that's the dream. Going backstage to the show, falling asleep,

and then they give you money at the end. Or half money, anyways. They don't give you full money, but... Graham, if you get a get a car we gotta pimp your car so it looks like the green room like a backstage yeah oh i hear you're really into green rooms i remember an episode of some show like some design show where they would go to a celebrity's house and like try to redesign a room based on their you know suggestions and one of them was uh the comedian george wallace and he said he spent so much time in hotel rooms he wanted his room to look like in a hotel room and they did it and i was like that's sad yeah if you if we pimped your car which i'm assuming since you don't own a car, would just be an Evo.

Yeah, it would be an Evo. I would drive the Evo over to pimp my ride. And if Exhibit was like, you're really into hanging out in the green room of a comedy show, what would they do to the car? Oh, you know. They'd put like a little TV that has video of the stage of the comedy show yeah and you would have a lot of empty uh beer bottles and cans just kicking around yeah you'd have a list on one of the walls that would say the order of the show an audience member would come into the car looking for the bathroom hired to do that lifelong contract a local comedian who's not on the show

and is on cocaine would be there like a like a couch that has looks like a mammoth's ass just like tear it to bits yeah yeah and like uh uh like yeah leather prostrate that's like ripped up and like duct taped or something like that yeah yeah also you it would just play like a kind of a hum of somebody talking on stage but you weren't yes yes sure the radio is tuned to that there's like a dispenser that that shoots out drink tickets you get two of these there's always a list yeah yeah um set list oh yeah and people set lists lying around on the bottom of on the floor and uh and um you know somebody's bag they left by yeah um dave what's going on with you man well it's been uh beautiful here yeah vancouver uh we had a a spell where it was like eight degrees was the high yeah and then one day like a switch flipped and eight degrees

was the low yeah exactly what a roller coaster how have you i know you hate the sun i do how have you been dealing this week it hasn't been a heat wave for me personally it's been perfect sunscreen first of all sunscreen all over uh hat always hat sunglasses then i find try and find the shade and that's where you'll find me even if it's like uh even if it's like a lamppost shade i'll just stand in that uh just just cool off but you this is not like in my mind this is like the perfect non like oppressive yeah like if you're gonna enjoy the sun this is the way to do it yes yeah how about you neva sun sun worshiper i like the sun yeah yeah what do you do do you go you just hang out on a lawn chair or you go what do you

do when it's sunny out i go to the beach um really to park yeah that's nice yeah i like walking around i've been walking around lately during covid nice yeah me too yeah rediscovering uh all the neighborhoods and stuff like that hey that house looks nice yeah that type of thing yeah um so speaking of taking walks uh i was like, oh, I should take a walk. And somebody told you, hey, take a walk. This was like in February, March. And I was like, I took the longest walk I could where the kids were out of the house. And I was like, I don't need to take care of anyone for a little while. Let's go for a walk.

So I went for a walk by myself. And as i'm walking my i just heard a voice go dave and i walked past my friend's house and uh i didn't know he lived there and so we chatted for a while and we talked about gardening and so uh i've been gardening a lot what this last well i guess since like february really yeah so this is this blows my mind i would never in a thousand years would i think that you would be a guy who gardens well i have uh i had my last house we just had so many weeds that all i i thought gardening just meant pulling weeds. Yeah. That's, that's part of it. Right.

Pull weeds, uh, spread seeds and then water stuff, then water stuff. Yeah, that's right. That's the three components, right?

Yeah. And so I, like this, I got started on gardening early this year. I was like, I want to, we have this grass that it just doesn't grow right i was like i'm going to take out this grassy part and plant plants so i uh i started going to

like the local plant nurseries in february and like finding what are the plants that grow in the shade? Oh, let me guess. Tomatoes. Potatoes? I don't want plants, not food. Oh, right. It's the three H's, baby. It's hostas, hookah res, and... Hoda?

Yeah, it's Hoda Kotb. Which is short for hot Yoda. Hot Yoda. That's right. What's the other one? Helleborus. Okay, nice. So I, yeah, so I've been like pulling grass away

and digging stuff and like planting stuff and nothing's been growing. Right. Until the last couple of weeks. And like, I am now obsessed with just like not even gardening, just watching plants grow. Like, yes, I will leave. I will walk out the front door multiple times a day and just see, has anything grown in the last couple of hours? Wow.

Whoa. It's like, it's like checking my phone, that little bit of serotonin you get from just like, oh, someone liked my tweet or, oh, there's a tiny bud growing on this branch. Do you wear a silly gardener's hat? Oh, yeah. I wear a silly gardener's hat. I wear beekeepers outfit. So you're not growing like fruit or like vegetables? No, we last year we grew tomatoes and there's so many squirrels around here that

they throw it at your house boo yeah they have a tomato fest outside yeah they do whatever the tomatillo is tomatina tomatillo tony and tina's wedding yes yes yes uh and so i've um so yeah we're not doing food we have a few herbs that we'll do what do you got got some mint in there yeah you mint grows you don't need any anyone grow mint mint grows you keep it in a pot otherwise it'll just go everywhere what about a chive we got some chives yeah the chives come back and back chives and mint yeah grow yeah grow well yeah and rosemary grows really well i don't even like it like we uh it's got a time and a place i think rosemary i know but it it grows so much the best name it does yeah of the of the of the herbs yeah yeah like i don't

know rosemary's like a lot the a lot of the herbs have good names. Yeah, but like rosemary is like poetic. Yeah, like if you're like basil. Parsley, sage, thyme. Oregano. Okay, check this one out. Cilantro. Oh, cilantro.

That's good. Or what's the other word for cilantro what's that one it's called like aragon tarragon tarragon yeah tarragon yeah no they all have great names they do yeah but rosemary just sounds so beautiful yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely so you're you're throwing herbs i'm barely growing herbs coriander coriander the other name for cilantro um uh watch someone write it and be like uh actually they're quite different dave you dave's clearly a herb uh casual and i'm it goes beyond just what's in the garden it's like like every day i'm looking at just trees like oh my gosh the neighbor's trees are

coming in really fast or like but the ones on the street trees are coming in super slow so you've really like altered your perception of everything i feel like it's part of it is covid and being home every day like i wish i wish i could just go away for a week and see all my mail and see the big pile of mail when i come back see how much everything has grown after a long time but instead i i got these windows i can look out yeah yeah i think that's totally it. I was noticing clouds more. I kept looking at clouds and being like, whoa, what a weird

formation. Have you seen the clouds? My roommate and I would just be like, dude, the clouds are nuts today. I know. Wake up, wake up. How far away is your roommate right now uh

he's next door I don't know if he's home though oh okay um yeah the uh

want me to get him no no no I don't need to see him I just was just like you see people's zoom rooms and you're like what's beyond

this frame yeah so that goes in my living room. Okay. This goes outside. I've got a door to the balcony. You've got a balcony?

Yeah. Nice. Balcony Bartokomus? And my roommate's next door there. What is this poster that's on your window? This is my brother made a poster and it's there. That's it. What does it say?

I can only see the word molds it says please release from past molds and what's in the middle part is that it's like a it's like an image of it's like a stencil of a dude like floating through like hoops oh cool oh you got a hoop dude yeah representing time and space i guess yeah yeah yeah like you you got that i can see why you're into clouds the space and time and yeah yeah yeah yeah you're it's very zen you find it this uh like gives you any mental relief they're looking at clouds or looking at plants yeah serotonin it's absolutely a little it's the og it's the og OG Kush of serotonin. Yeah. Do you guys think about that?

Like, do you guys ever like visualize or like think of like what it would be like to be like, like way back when, like when we're like cavemen, like how we perceive stuff and be connected to things. I was like, I'm so fascinated by that stuff. And I think about that a lot.

Yeah. Cause like there was probably in every tribe, there was probably somebody who had to test everything because everything was like new to their brains so right somebody would have to like eat a plant or eat a bug or someone had to die yeah somebody had to die exactly like have you read have you read that book sapiens no no but i've heard of it yeah yeah i've heard of it i started it started a couple years ago it's very it loves my shelf it's like so happy on my shelf yeah it's the opposite of toys like when you leave the room it just it doesn't want to go anywhere. But it's about like, you know, all those people way back.

Anyway, so I'm a caveman. I love seeing a little sprout growing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if I've done a good job or if I just planted all this stuff at the end of winter. So it's like bound to start growing in spring. Well, we'll see. Only if we get those April showers, May showers. When does this, when do the showers start? I think you get the showers in April and you do like a wet t-shirt contest.

Oh shit. When's that? That's coming up. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I wait all year for that yeah you won last year as a competitor as a competitor strictly uh yes i did one last year i won a uh a jacket with sprite written on the back of it and uh oh my god some guests will yes and others will some will say no but nema is a big one yeah yeah what nema says what what go on uh no i didn't win i didn't win any of these things i wish i wish i had a jacket that said sprite or seven up seven up would be acceptable Dew? See, I don't know that I would, to Nemo's point, Mountain Dew.

I don't know that I would want a Mountain Dew jacket. I feel like that's, that denotes a very specific kind of person that I am not. Yeah, you're putting a vibe out. Yeah, exactly. But if you show up with a Sprite one, nobody's getting your face about that. They're like, Sprite's cool, yeah. Yeah, Sprite is

cool. Sprite's cool, 7. Yeah, Sprite is cool. Sprite's cool. 7-Up isn't cool. But 7-Up's delicious. Well, it's a Sprite. I don't know if I have a point here. What's your favorite, like, bottle font? Ooh.

Logo. I mean, of course Coke, like, has the most iconic. Yeah. I don't think Pepsi's logo is good at all. No, I think Pepsi's is bad too, yeah. I once took a copywriting class, and the coach, the teacher... Get in there, you. Walk it off.

The teacher said Coke marketing is all about the past. Pepsi is all about the future. That's right. Generation next. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So I guess my favorite font is Crush. Ooh, Crush.

Yeah, Crush is good. Yeah, Crush. Crush is good. Fantas got a really nice font. Sobe. Yeah? Oh, yeah. That's not a can, I guess.

No, it's fine. It's a bottle. What's your go-to? What's your go-to, Nima? In terms of font only. Bubbly. Bubbly's got a can i guess what it's fine what's your go-to what's your go-to nima in terms of font only uh bubbly bubbly's got a fun it's got a fun package on it yeah yeah um yeah it's uh i've never had one but it looks fun it looks like people are having fun when they're drinking it yeah it's like if i don't want to drink beer i'm just trying to like stay sober i'll drink like fizzy water and then do you feel like after several fizzy waters that you're

like i'm gonna explode from co2 maybe i'm doing it wrong if i have too much fizzy water man i gotta i gotta go really i just get a lot of burps yeah but you know like if you're hanging out at a party where you're you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom to burp. To burp? No, you burp in front of everyone. You burp in the stall and you come out and wash your hands.

Don't go in there. I feel like you're at a party. You burp. You're like the king of the party. It's like, Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Who, who brought the coolest guy in the world? Um, so, so yeah, that's it for me. I've been digging in the dirt like Peter Gabriel in 1992.

Um, uh, how about you? Well, this week this week uh first of all i've told you about the couple that's moved in above me they have a baby they have a baby they blast uh eric clapton's tears in heaven still yeah so much these sounds like you're playing it and now i'm always convinced that i am playing it but i'm disassociating for real life it doesn't sound like i're playing it and now i'm always convinced that i am playing it but i'm disassociating for real life it doesn't sound like i'm playing it with i wonder if i could what tears in heaven yeah give me a guitar you have a guitar don't you yeah it's on the other side of the room yes maybe after the break maybe during the break yeah let me i'll see if i can learn it during the

break so uh their new song did i tell you about their new song no they've been playing uh so they've been playing eric eric clapton and the other day the other day they started playing you are so beautiful to me and i was like what the fuck is going on up there this what is this playlist that they're building um so they're doing that who is the artist on that one i don't know but it's like doesn't he like well up at the end he's like true is it joe cocker maybe or am i on my wonder years yeah uh but they've been they've been blasting that and they clomp around they're clomping all over the place they're number one suspect in my laundry bag disappearance saga oh god this is just i didn't expect more of them wow this week neither did i but uh so around the side what do they think of you do they they know you exist? Yeah, I've bumped into them in the hallway and said hello.

Yeah, we've bumped uglies. And we wore masks the whole time. We put uglies in our masks. No, masks are not uglies. But yeah, so they've got all that going for them. And there's a place around the side of my building that you can sit in a chair. And it's quiet. and it's tucked in from the road.

Do you bring your own chair? I bring my own chair. BYOC. So I've enjoyed it very much during the summer and then I was planning on going down there, but guess who has found our spot and usurped it? The upstairs neighbors.

So now I have a nemesis. What was annoying before, now they're my nemesis. What do you mean they've usurped it? Are they there all the time? They've been there two times. But how long at a time are they there? Whole afternoon. They have friends over.

And they got a big, they got a blanket out. And they have like a tent thing. It's, so they're my nemesis now they're my red skull to my Captain America or the penguin to my Robin those two specifically don't get along

they're both bird names you know okay Batman you take the Joker I you take the Joker. I'll take the penguin. Yeah. So, Arch Nemesis will never forgive them for their infractions. What are you, like, and you, because they have a baby, you have to yield to them.

Yes, because their baby is my kryptonite in this situation. You can't, like, what if you got there first? Would you? Would I give it up? Hell no. Hell no. What if they were like, well, we're also hanging out here. Oh, man.

I wouldn't put it past them. I bet you that is what exactly would happen. And then you'll have to make friends yeah and then we make friends and then i'm without a nemesis uh and they gift you a laundry bag uh yeah i like that's my worst nightmare is uh making friends with my nemesis but if it's happening i'm not going to fight it. You know what I mean? Now, you think they stole your laundry bag weeks ago. Have you been just carrying your laundry piece by piece

in your hoodie pockets? Yeah, I juggle it. Is that the laundry room ever since? I juggle it. I tie them all into balls, and I juggle it on the way down, and when they're dry, I just bring them up one item at a time.

Yeah. But seriously, do you have a replacement laundry bag? Yes. I'm worried that you're holding a grudge that you're just going to carry your laundry out of spite. With no bag. Yeah. No, I have another laundry basket. But, you know, it's all about the principle of the thing.

So have an emesis. Other new thing. This is like a thing. I assume this is universal. If you go to the same grocery store every time, you have a mental map of where everything is so you can really speed through. You know exactly what aisle is what.

Just to get a good time, clock a good time in the grocery store so the grocery store that i go to they jumbled it all up they moved all the shelves and all the things that used to be so i'm going for like you know condiments and there's soap there and that's i'm discombobulated i know it's It's like Nima. You, you know, your grocery stores landscape, right? Yeah. I,

I'm by a 24 hour grocery store. Oh, you're by, you're by a super safe. Super value. Yeah. Super value. Nice.

Shouts to super value. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. Do you ever like at three in the morning, go grocery shopping just cause you can. Oh hell yeah.

Yeah. That's great. Yeah. I used to go grocery shopping just because you can? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. I used to go, I used to go like, uh, later, like, um, to get groceries just cause it would be like less busy and you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It used to be just like safer to go. Yeah. And there's also like a very, uh, eclectic breed of people who are in a grocery store at three in the morning. Oh, totally. Yeah. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a fun little, I think it's good people watching three in the morning. I remember I had this Just for Laughs compilation CD in like 1990. Yeah. And there was a comedian who had a great bit about going to the grocery store at night. And how, hey, can we make it brighter in here? I went up to a guy, he had blood all over him in the butcher aisle. I said, excuse me. He said, I don't work here.

This is a good bit. Yeah, it's a good bit. I wonder if I can track that guy down um uh yeah so grocery store now i'm relearning the pattern of the whole grocery store now so that's gonna take forever yeah there are i go to two or three different grocery stores and i there's certain things that i can never figure out where would they put this like peanut butter is oh yeah in some places it's like with with the cereals and coffee yeah yeah yeah morning morning supplies yeah but other places it's not yeah it's like they have a whole peanut butter aisle yeah yellow i don't know where i would find jello i had to find jello the other day. Pickles are always like, also pickles are like, could be anywhere.

Yeah, that could be a condiment. That could be a jarred canned food. I just know it is real. It's by condiments usually. Yeah, it's probably by condiments. Never mind, yeah. I hate to call you on your bullshit. It's by condiments.

No, that was by condiments, yeah. Next to the olives usually. Keep me in check. I love it. I mean, yeah, you need it. I keep you honest. you'll thank me um and also this time of year as as much as uh paying attention to a garden this is the time of year that garage sales are starting to open up uh i went to my first one of the season uh it was no good but i'm i feel like I've cracked the seal.

I'm ready. I'm ready. Crack the seal. I'm ready for deals. And yeah, it's looking for anything in particular. Nope. Just like going to the garage sale. See what they got.

I have a shirt that I bought last year. They wear almost every day. So and that was a dollar. So why do you wear a shirt almost every day oh just if it gets cold they put it over okay my other shirt um no you just thought like i wear just the same shirt every day like a cartoon character yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so that's what's going on garage sales are great they're like what's the best thing you've ever found a garage sale um actually i think it was maybe two years ago i think this is before covid

yeah it might have been uh i got this like vintage vacuum that's like a stool it's like a it's like a japanese designed it's called a national vacuum, I think it's called. Cool. Do you know this? No, but I'm so fascinated. Yeah. Okay. You're looking around the room. Is it in the room?

Yeah. Should I... Get it? Yes, absolutely. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Can't wait to see this thing.

National vacuum. Oh, it does look like a foot rest it's like a little ottoman yeah yeah oh that's so cool it's so cute yeah and it is exactly right it looks like a footstool it's a foot it's like a footstool it's like this like incredibly designed vacuum you can open it up so the top opens up like that and then everything is just hidden like it's incredible oh man and you use it as both a vacuum and a stool or is it really just a vacuum to you no and everything's curled up on the bottom yeah it's so sick and you could just like empty the compartment with the dust like you don don't need a filter. Oh, nice.

That's great. I haven't been able to open it. I'm sure it's fine. Yeah. There's only so much space like it could go. So I think it's fine. Man, I think that's probably the best. I'll say it without exception.

That is the best vacuum cleaner I've seen in years. Yeah. I googled it it's a it's an mc 3000f antique vacuum nice yeah i'm using it as a museum piece that's a great that's probably uh one of the best garage sale stories outside of somebody like finding a a painting yeah van go yeah right yeah i was like holy shit i gotta get this yeah and i need a new vacuum too so i was just like do i get a dyson or do i get this it's a gift from the universe gotta get a national national yeah yeah uh but yeah dyson's the obvious if you've got lots of money that's the oh yeah you gotta get a couple dysons yeah peloton of vacuuming

yeah i like to do use my dyson and do like watch a dyson class as i'm doing it check my score are they like super expensive dysons yeah i think a dyson is your your upscale model yeah it's an upscale model uh I don't know if the rest of the market has caught up and they've had to lower their price. I don't know. That guy is like the MyPillow guy. That's all he does is vacuums or air things. Yeah, he does hand

dryers. Yeah, hand dryers and living room fans. That's true. Yeah. Anything that blows or sucks. Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah. Mr. Robotman,

what are you doing? I'm just taking one last look at my co-workers. Every journey comes to an end. Remember, Fleck, this space will be with you always. Sorry, who are you again? There's Master Kira on there.

Oh, right, right, right. Just calling in. Friendships will be tested. Dahl, you have to do it. You have to shoot, Fleck. Okay. You shot him so fast. Destinies will be fulfilled.

I've become a complete bird. I'm flying. I'm flying. On April 28th, the saga starts concluding. Guys, we don't have a choice.

We have to put on a show. We can do it in the old barn. We've got the costumes. We've got a stage. We can do it, you guys. Mission to Zix. The final season on Maximum Fun. Max Fun Drive's almost here.

It starts on Monday, May 3rd, ends on May 14th, and it's the best time to support the shows you love. Here are some folks like you sharing what MaxFun and our shows mean to them. Most importantly, it's meant community. And yeah, just thanks for hanging out, making joke-em-ups, and making my week a little bit brighter. Just thanks for hanging out, making joke-em-ups, and making my week a little bit brighter. So, thanks, Max.

Thanks, Fun, for making me a better person and making sure that I'm surrounded by better people. Thanks again for all you do. Love supporting Max Fun, and keep it up. Come back Monday, May 3rd, for more details from your favorite hosts. We'll have some of the best episodes of the year, special Max Fund Drive thank you gifts, and maybe a few surprises. That's Monday, May 3rd. Until then. Overheard. Overheard, the segment where... My time.

My time. Would you know my name If I saw you in Scroll down heaven Thank you, everybody. Hey! I got some merch in the lobby. Yes. Get your

Authentic Eric Clapton Merch I'll be signing hats In the lobby A few weeks ago On the show We were talking about The

Eric Clapton Tour Sponsored by Lexus And I I went on eBay Trying to find Merch from that And they They had like Eric Clapton Lexus. And I went on eBay trying to find merch from that and they had like Eric Clapton Lexus guitar picks.

Wow. So sexy. I know that there was a Christina Aguilera series of contests that were brought to you by Corn Pops. That's absolutely true. Alright. Nima, do you have an overheard

are you ready to go or should we don't worry about it man don't sweat it I just don't I just don't have like I'm trying to think of like even like an overseen

yeah yeah you know what we'll go first and then we'll throw it over to you how about that but if what if I don't have anything well then

well then the show will go on yeah okay you will be laughed out of the podcast that's fine overheard a segment where overheards where a segment where

geez louise you know sometimes you're lucky enough to witness with all five of your senses if you want to send in an overtaste sure why not but you know to witness with all five of your senses. If you want to send in an overtaste, I'm sure. Why not? Um, but you know,

hearing things and seeing things outside of your immediate block that you've been walking around tough business, but still we manage. And, um, we usually start with the guest, but we're, I'm going to go Dave,

then me, then throw it to the guest. And if there's not, if it's something that hasn't jogged, then we jogged, then we'll just continue on our merry way. Dave, do you have an overheard? Now, yeah, this is one I overheard whilst gardening in my front yard. This is classic Dave. Classic Dave.

Dave, known gardener. He's known to police as a gardener the suspect was known to police the victim was known to police as just like gardening in the shade and just an all-around good guy you know yeah the victim was known known to police for donating the most to the toy fund for kids. The toy fund for kids. So I was in the garden and a man walked past with two, he had like AirPods. Yeah. So he was having a conversation on his phone and he said, yes, well, my brother-in-law looked into firefighting for some time and it is very competitive. So I'm very happy to pray with you and for you as you seek that.

Oh, so he was like a minister. Seventh heaven. Who was like fielding calls from his constituents, parishioners. Sure. Um, and he's like, Oh, you're going to be a firefighter you got my prayers baby yeah it was a real like i did not know it was gonna end that way yeah and like very sweet

and has he ever said the opposite yeah like i on the other hand i'm like i don't want to be rescued by the firefighter who had to get prayed into the job. I want the most qualified guy. I want the one that signed a pact with the devil. That's what I want. People were praying against him and he was still such a good firefighter. That's right. He passed the test.

He trained in hell, so he knows. but also like to be a minister and like, you got to take calls from these people and be like, huh? Well, yeah, it's a, I'll pray for you to win at checkers today. I guess.

I don't know what's going on with you. Just lower and lower stakes as time goes on. Like whatever, uh, that I did not know this was part of the job when I made my vow to God. Love, honor, and obey. The whole time I'm telling this, by the way, Nima's face is going crazy. Like, he's trying to remember and overheard.

And you know it's not there. I got it overseen, though. I got it overseen. All right. All right. Do you want to do it now, or do you want Graham to go? I can go now. I just thought of it. Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. Do you want to do it now or do you want Graham to go? Uh,

I can go now. I just thought of it. Okay. Yeah. Hit it. Um, there's a, I live on commercial drive and there's, there's like a really busy intersection,

uh, on first and commercial. And there's a guy that, uh, occasionally will pop a squat, like with his hammock, he'll hang his hammock from the fire hydrant to the tree oh my god it's like right by the traffic and usually people like walk by and be like nice chill spot yeah or like comment on like him sitting there it's like tranquil i bet or whatever like

yeah oh man i'm like what i see i don't know if he's a hero or a menace that's the like is he somebody that you should aspire to you can set up a hammock anywhere yeah i don't know if he's trolling or yeah he might be trolling right this uh This hammock is a good idea. Change my mind. Yeah, I'm fake relaxing here. Yeah. See, that was perfect. Yeah, that was great. Let's do mine again, but you pay attention.

Was I, like, looking, like, insane trying to think of something? I probably was. Yeah, I mean, I don't like to accuse people of looking insane trying to think of something? I probably was. Yeah. I mean, I don't like to accuse people of looking insane trying to think of something, but you were. Damn. But we got there and now. I'm sorry, Dave. The floor is Graham's.

No? Yep. I'm just busting balls. He's busting balls like Biggie Smalls. Mine comes from the garage sale, the first garage sale of the year, when a kid was arguing with his father over what he was going to buy with his own money. And he said, see, I'm a genius.

I brought my own money. His dad was well on his way to saying, no, you can't buy that. And he was trumped by the almighty dollar. I'm not buying that for you. Yeah. Well, I'm a genius. So I brought my own money.

Um, yeah. So that kid rules. Yeah. He bought a piece of junk. I give, I was giving my, uh,

older daughter, um, an allowance every week. Oh yeah. But she just forgot about it. older daughter an allowance every week. Oh yeah. But she just forgot about it. So I haven't been doing it. Is this in exchange for like chore, chore based? Yeah, but

she's, at least when we were doing it, the chores were like I had to like set everything up for her to like, okay, let's get you on a chair here so you can put away some dishes. Right? Yeah. It's like more of a chore to set up the chore.

Yeah. You're just making more chores for yourself. Yeah, exactly. That's life, man. That do be life. Is that do be life?

It do be like that. Sometimes do and it, uh, now we also have overheard sent into us from people. Oh, doobie life. Is that doobie life? It doobie like that sometimes. Do and dit. Now we also have overheard sent in to us from people all over the map. If you want to send one in to us, it's spy at maximumfun.org and this first one

comes from Kevin O in Portland, Oregon. This is a vaccine related overheard. Probably the first one on this show. No. There was other vaccine things? We got other vaccine. We got one last week. Oh, yeah! Everybody, go get that vaccine.

So this is a guy getting his vaccine. Nervous guy to the woman giving the injection. Should I give you my dominant shoulder or my non-dominant shoulder? Women giving the injection probably ready for a break says whatever you prefer just don't ask me to put it in your butt like she's been fielding this question all day no i know i know where this ends up

although you know it's the least dominant shoulder of all the butt the butt yeah absolutely um yeah i feel like that's probably like a dad joke that's going on for these vaccines um yeah i uh i'm getting mine tomorrow my first one are you looking forward to it yes will they give you a shirt that says I got vaccinated? Yeah, I'm getting the shot and shirt special. It's going to be a wet t-shirt. They sell it to you wet? This is pre-moistened. It's a surprise for the wet t-shirt contest.

You win a wet t-shirt. It's a wet t-shirt raffle. It's just a shirt with a hole in the arm. A little cut out. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a shirt with a hole in the arm. A little cut out.

Yeah. This next one comes from Chloe. I am currently a virtual classroom teaching, working with grade one kids. Most of them keep their cameras on, but rarely are they focused on what I'm trying to teach them. One little girl was playing with a toy peacock, and I said, oh wow, is that a peacock? They are my favorite bird.

To which she replied, yes, they are my favorite too, and I know that they are the queens of the chickens. Yeah, let me stop you right there. I know all the facts about these things. I know you're going to say they're the queens of the chickens. I know already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've already been through this with my mom. The peacocks, I assume, just like other birds, lay eggs,

but I've never heard of somebody eating a peacock egg. Oh, true. It's hard to say, peacock egg. Yeah, I haven't heard of people eating most eggs, though. What about quail? People eat a quail? I've heard of quail, but I've never... I've even heard of ostrich.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, big old things.'ve heard of quail, but I've never... I've even heard of ostrich. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big old things. Never heard of people eating, like, you know... Penguin eggs. Blue jay eggs. Penguin eggs. Oh, man.

Oh, snakes lay eggs, yeah. Yeah, snake eggs. Yeah, how come people don't eat snakes? How come people don't eat snake eggs? I'll... you know what? Come over, I'll make you a snake egg omelet. Just so slimy. Oh, the eggs.

I don't know. I don't think reptiles do eggs the same way birds do. I don't think there's like a yolk. No, yeah. But do you think there's other birds that also don't have a yolk? Just all whites. That's why we don't? Yeah, all whites. Oh, no, we pick a healthy bird think there's other birds that also don't have a yolk? It's just all whites. That's why we don't? Yeah, all whites.

Oh, no, we pick a healthy bird. It's a healthy snake. Are we not on a snake egg diet? Now, someone's going to chime in. We do not want the answer to this. But, like, the yolk is the baby, right? Yeah. It would be pointless to have an all- all-white egg yeah that would just be

what is it called ab ablumen album yeah it's ablumen this last one comes from jesse from poquag poquag new y York? It's Quahog, actually. You know, it's indubitably. You're going to take over the world. Bad Stewie impressions isn't funny. I'm a hockey coach on a team with 13 to 15 year old boys i was on the bench when another coach meant to say now go out there and bust your ass but instead say now go out there and bust a nut so he had nuts on the brain so what yeah i've been there oh boy that would ruin the old cupperino.

When I was a kid and I played hockey, we had jock straps that you put the cup in. Oh, yeah. And then when I started trying to play hockey a year ago, or a year and a half ago, I didn't start when COVID started. I was like, I'm going to play hockey. They now have like compression shorts that you... Oh, they don't jockstrap the thing of the past? I think it's still a thing in your downtown clubs. But like I never wore a cup because I didn't do anything.

Although I never, yeah, I didn't wrestle sports like that. But like wrestling should have had one for sure otherwise everybody be grabbing at each other's crotch the whole time you just try and stop them i know i remember hearing that football they don't they wear jock straps without cups oh that's insane well yeah because if you get a helmet to a cup And your testicle has fallen out Of the cup Then Hey man That's on you

Yeah you're going to need a lot more than a COVID shot To fix that buddy You and your slippery ball Yeah Keep it in the cup bud Do you think golfers wear a cup just because they consider themselves athletes? Or car drivers, race drivers? I don't know.

Race drivers, maybe. They wear a suit. Yeah, they wear, you know, maybe not a cup. Well, also, I just realized that I said golfers think they're athletes. They are athletes. Of course they are. Yeah golfers think they're athletes they are athletes of course they are yeah you know they're not allowed to drive golf carts in in professional golf they have to actually walk what shit is insane i don't care for that one bit they should spread it should be like that should be it should be yeah it should be time should be a little bit

more of like yeah yeah it'd be like biathlon as soon as you speed is involved in the in the in the calculation of of the holes and such why not that'd be such a fun game to watch yeah just someone running with their caddy like from one end of the field to the other. And they're khaki pants just running around. I love it. I love this idea. I love this new vision for golf. Yeah. I feel like I'm living in the past with the old version of golf.

Nima, you've done it. Break dancing is... In addition... Yeah, sorry. Oh, go ahead. No, break dancing. I was just going to say, like, there's new sports in the Olympics. Oh, yeah. Break dancing.

Break dancing. I think break dancing is in there. And skateboarding? Is this the first time with skateboarding? Oh, yeah. Break dancing. I think break dancing is in there. And skateboarding. Is this the first time with skateboarding? Oh, yeah. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Wet t-shirt contest.

Yeah, wet t-shirt contest. That's another eating, hot dog eating contest. Stomach sports. Tummy sports, I call them. My stomach is ripped. Yeah. T-sports. In addition to overhears that are written, we also accept your phone calls. Tummy sports, I call them. My stomach is ripped. Yeah. T-sports.

In addition to overhears that are written, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hi, I don't listen to your show, but my roommate does. There. but my roommate does. And he told me to tell you that I overheard a little eight-year-old girl talking to her dad on the street,

pointing to some building, saying, those buildings remind me of the Twin Towers, you know, before 9-11. Oh, wow. Do you think that her roommate was holding a gun on her the whole time that she made that call this podcast i like we are no longer roommate i know you don't listen to the show you lied to me um yeah pretty good how like dave because you have young kids, are you able to tell a kid's age on sight? Because this is purported to be an 8-year-old, but how would you know?

I have a 6-year-old and a 4-year-old, so I can do anything up to, like, between 0 and 6. I wouldn't tell you, I could tell you a, I couldn't tell you what a 10-year-old or a 12-year-old looks like. They got weird gap-toothed smiles. All their teeth are falling out, new ones 10 year olds 12 year olds 10 year olds maybe my six-year-old's losing teeth every day we don't feed her it's a kelvin calcium deficiency yeah here's your next phone call hello david graham impossible guest this is Annie calling from Texas

with an overheard I am eating lunch at an outdoor cafe and a couple just walked by um holding hands

and I overheard this conversation the woman said I guess that makes sense and the man said yeah I just don't want to get attached

and she said you don't want to fall in love. And he said, no, I do not. And she said, well, shit. Okay, bye. Well, that was my big ending argument and the one that I for sure was going to nail you to the wall with. Yeah. Yeah, you really fucked me over there. Shit.

So we're not going to fall in love today? No. No. Well, shit. I don't want to fall in love. What is that song? No. Jane Child?

Jane Child? She's from Canada. Has she been on MTV's Cribs Canada? Yeah. She had a nose ring attached to her earring. Cool. By a chain. Sugar called her chain child.

Yes. Yes. This looks, it sounds like I wrote this already, but... Absolutely off the cuff. Here's your final phone call hi dave graham possible guest this is michael now in st louis um i just drove by somebody who is wearing what looks to be a brand new vote for patro t-shirt all right i guess it's an overseen oh my. Still has the creases in it from the fold.

Yeah, from Hot Topic. I like very much how the caller was like, now in St. Louis. Yeah. By the way, if you've been keeping track of my movements, I'm now in St. Louis. We come in the St. Louis variety. We don't know you. We don't know any of our callers i know annie in texas who called before she calls a lot yeah so to be fair if any move to st louis i'd want to know about it um well nanny annie the nanny nanny the nanny is that right yeah that's

fun more people should have jobs that rhyme with me. More people should have vote for Pedro shirts. Yeah. How I'm going to win this year's wet t-shirt contest. Lucky. I do two impressions. I do Napoleon D. Yeah.

And Stewie G. Lewis. That's all you need. Yeah. Lewis. Lewis. Lewis. Oh you need. Yeah. Lewis. Oh, no, Lewis. Lara, get over here. I'm dominating the world.

That's like Alan Rickman. Is that what it is? Lara. Hello, Potter. Mr. Potter. Mr. Griffin. Mr. Potter. We're Griffin. Mr. Potter. We're good.

We're good. This is a simple how to do a Michael Caine impression. Okay. Just say my cocaine. My cocaine. My cocaine. My cocaine. Oh, yeah.

My cocaine. My cocaine. My cocaine. No, it doesn't work. work yeah he is saying it like that uh well that brings us to the end of this year's show uh neemeth thank you so much for being our guest yo thank you for having me oh yeah he does it again yeah he bookended with EO oh you're turning into your father um is there anything uh

like where can people find you online you got a you got a twitter you got an instagram what do you what do you have to do I don't really

I don't usually do like social media that much but I am on instagram I have like a instagram art I'm trying to do

take more photos and like do more art on the page. But it's just my name, Nima Kulaniapour. Cool. I can also say that Nima wrote and directed an episode of a show

that the company I work for, the past guest, Chris Kelly, his company, The Slowest Show. It's slow TV. It's a half hour of one shot ambient television ambient television

except the way we do it. It's funny. It's a little crazy. Nima did one and it's a funny one. That's all available on CBC Gem. CBC Gem to our American listeners. CBC Jam.

Can I, to our American listeners, you can't have. Can I plug something? So the other podcast that I work on, a podcast called This Sounds Serious, is nominated, I write this podcast podcast and it's nominated for a Webby Award for Best Writing. Nice! And the public is voting on it and you, the public, can do it

by going to the... Here's what you do. You go to vote.webbyawards slash the show I'm writing on. Number sign. No, I don't know. go to webby vote.webby awards.com yeah and just search for this sound serious and uh you know what it's the most i can ever ask of someone is to put their email into a website and register i I did, and I used my all-purpose fake email

that I never check. Yes. Oh, well, thank you very much. You can do that thing where you link it through Facebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to do that. But yeah, if you want to vote for that thing, this sounds serious, in the Webby Awards,

I would appreciate it. Yeah, check it out, everybody. If you've never heard the show, you should listen. I don't like asking people to do stuff. Yeah, I know. Which is going to be tough for the next two weeks of the Max Fund Drive is just that.

Well, thank you again, Nima, for being our guest. Thanks for having me. Oh, pleasure. This was fun, yeah. Yeah. And thank you to all you listeners out there. Thank you very much for listening.

We'll see you here next week during the Max Fun Drive. Take care of yourself. Take care of those around you. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.