Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 688 - Faisal Butt

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

Comedian Faisal Butt joins us to talk painting sneakers, smores, and baby bonnets.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 688 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who we're not sure, but we're going to look into it. He's a man who wants to tap a city-owned maple tree, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I'm just curious. Right. I'm maple curious.

There's so many, the street is just full of maple trees and I don't, I'm just curious. Right. I'm maple curious. I, there's so many, the street is just full of maple trees and I don't, are there different varieties of maple? Could I just, you know, have a little taste? Yeah. Tap,

stick something in there while no one's looking and then suck something out while no one's tasting, listening. I don't know. Uh, yeah, I'm just curious. Uh, it just crossed my mind that sure

i you know we get the leaves that's right we get the i assume that all maples make that delicious delicious sap but i don't see like a are the ones that like the the like quebec the maple trees that they make all the real maple syrup out of. Are they just like oozing the stuff that if you, if you didn't tap it, they would just be coming out their pores anyway. Oh yeah. Like shearing a sheep.

Like they have to do this. This is comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise I'll get blue leaves. Um, our guest today,

first time guest here on the podcast. He's also funny. um our guest today first time guest here on the podcast he's oh so funny you can catch him on a zoom birthday show june 25th uh it's fazel bud everybody hey everyone thanks thanks for having me guys hey thanks for being our guest um you're way you're way away in toronto so this is you're in the deep evening time and we're just like early bird dinner kind of time. Yeah. I mean, we're out here trying to make money, you know? That's true.

Yeah. You're traders. You're street legal. I know it. You guys debating how to tap maples. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's true. Yeah. I'm trying to get crypto over here. Is it still light out where you are? And feel free to finish yourself yeah a little bit yeah wow yes i mean the summer's coming fast guys yeah those late lazy nights yeah sipping lemonade on my porch uh well grandpa sits in the hammock um and uh what else those things that people do in the summer oh boy uh yeah uh they walk by with their wayfarers on uh-huh they they you know fan themselves with fans those little paper fans

i don't know what people constantly drinking sweet tea yeah people drink sweet tea there's a lot of just you know i don't i think of summertime is basically just the south. Yeah, exactly. Cicadas. Some sort of racism court trial. Sure. Remember that Boo Radley saving your kid? The porch that goes around the entire house. Oh, I love it.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a quintessential soap. What's your porch situation, Faisal? Yeah, what do you got porch-wise? We have a balcony. Nice. We's your porch situation, Faisal? Yeah, what do you got porch-wise? We have a balcony. Nice. We live in an apartment because I am in Toronto, so it's exorbitant over here.

Yeah, so I have access to a balcony. I'm only on the third floor. I feel safe. I'm deathly afraid of heights. Yeah, me too. I am also deathly afraid of heights. Are you on the third floor too, Graham? Second.

Second floor. But I don't think that having a fear of heights counts is like a weird fear to have i think everybody should be afraid of heights like on uh maury povich where they would bring out a someone would be afraid of cotton balls and they would bring out a guy covered in cotton balls to scare them yeah they bring out a cliff there's no like uh heights guy they wouldn't bring out jamie walters or like somebody who's on stilts that's pretty freaky that is freaky do we want to get to know us i do get to know us fazel you're afraid of heights i'm afraid of heights what's the highest let's call the whole thing yeah let's go you like have you ever done anything crazy like rock climb i had to do it once and i thought

i was gonna die yeah absolutely i it was in grade six and i you know the uh they had this whole safety harness thing and there's a guy pulling us up uh and then i froze in the middle and started crying and then so all my classmates are looking at me kind of like sad like it's not even funny but i was frozen i I couldn't move. And then another guy had to climb up and then another guy pulled me up. And then the guy was just also, which was very impressive, but he was just like there for,

you know, as like a support climber. so you didn't get to climb back down. They made you go. I was just, no, they just pulled me. They just pulled me up and I would just kind of mimic the, the move like a,

like a, like a leopard gecko or whatever um yeah it was a harrowing experience and i yeah i hated it yeah i uh like i can't watch i was there like i have these movie channels hollywood sweet and uh they had a movie with clint eastwood where he's just like a rock climber and i felt like i was gonna barf the whole time i was watching it because just the idea of climbing a giant rock so have you uh seen cliffhanger freak me out have you seen vertigo uh yep for you yeah anything heights really especially if somebody's standing on a height and there's no bar around where they are. If there's no kind of safety mechanism, then I start getting freaked out. You and I, Graham, four years ago went to Chicago and went up the Sears Tower, which they renamed something, but who knows?

Yeah. Victoria's Secret Tower. Yeah. And we went and we stood at the scariest part. And you seemed fine. Yeah yeah i feel like if i'm enclosed if i was in the great glass elevator like charlie and uh mr wonka i think i'd be fine it's just the being outside and no restriction on your movement yeah um fazel yes um you are our very first as far as we know you're our very first vaping guest spectacular um what uh tell us all about it like uh we've we you know we used to make this show

in the same room together i know we definitely didn't have anyone vaping during that and i'm pretty sure we haven't had any zoom vapes no no zoom vapes would you have had a problem though if someone in studio wanted to vape yeah yeah i mean the audacity of someone be like oh can i smoke you know cigarettes i mean we're way past that and just like vaping just seems so i don't know just refreshing for all parties involved is it uh do places allow it indoors like like does everywhere allow it indoors no absolutely not yeah so they've for a while that you could just go at it and now they've uh yeah they kind of put the kibosh on that but at the same time you could roll a joint in that same place so it's it's all very weird well no one's stopping you from rolling a vape are you um did you smoke before

yeah that's the thing is uh my my my father-in-law he he got sick and it was you know he'd been smoking for a long time and he was hospitalized and um so that was the catalyst for me to stop but i've been smoking since eight since i was 18 and i'm 43 right now. Yeah, well, you know, you stick with something. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I had quit while the lockdown started. And about a month in, I'm like, there's nothing to do. I'm just going to pick up smoking. And so, yeah, so at the end of March,

I was back as a smoker and then November of last year. So I haven't had a cigarette since November, but, you know, I'm just hitting this pen. Did you, when you first quit back before before that did you was it did you go to vape or is this your first yeah well i would kept you know because of the corner store my friend who runs it and i was he's like i have these alternatives and you know i have a 30 vape pen and i'm like nah i'm not gonna spend 30 i also have a 10 one i'm like I'll take that one. But it'll burn your house down. It most likely will burn your house down. Do you go with scents or flavors or is this just a regular old vape?

Yeah, I go with toasted tobacco. Ooh. Just because it's got the word toasted in it. Yeah. Right. And it just, yeah, it just seems more smoother and just a bit classier yeah exactly like you're in a den with big leather chairs and a fireplace kind of situation i was thinking i was thinking about like how they kind of trick you by putting the words like uh in products that

you're like oh i associate these two things with each other like uh anytime i've had maple bacon i've been like oh those two things go well together and then i have it and it tastes terrible and it's like oh yeah i guess i just wanted bacon and and maybe some maple syrup next to it man he's got maple syrup on the brain everybody is that like what you're talking about i'll take my answer off the air i feel like the tobacco is also celebrating me and my achievements you know as i'm being toasted uh it was roasted tobacco hey that sounds gross roasted tobacco sounds disgusting where it's slow slow roasted tobacco just it's falling off the vine i guess um my next question is will you be vaping the whole time?

No, no, I will not. No. But like, how long can you vape? Like, like, what is a, is it a session? Is it because like you smoke a cigarette until the cigarettes done, but the, you don't vape until you're all out of steam. Do you? No, because there is still nicotine.

And so I would go crazy if i if i did a whole like vape cartridge uh yeah i mean i'll hit this four or five times and then like i'll get my fix so i'm right at the front yeah yeah and we're still at this point establishing our rapport too so you know i can sneak these in right yes that's right we want to keep a nice casual atmosphere how long do you think we'll uh it'll take us to get that rapport i buy four more pulls really wow um okay uh i've seen where like where places don't allow vaping the the circle with the line through it is of a cigarette but with an electrical like electric bolt next to it which i think is like good adaptation but uh silly silly like they could have done like an actual picture of a vape or whatever but i guess electric cigarette well i remember growing up on

the bus it was you grew up on the bus the yeah i grew up on the bus it was a hard knock life for a bus but there was a sign uh that said no um no boom boxes and that was pretty clear yeah uh there was a sign that said no food but the food they used as an example was an ice cream cone yeah yeah and there was a sign that said no drink and it was a martini glass yes so i don't know how many people were were uh eating ice cream cones and drinking martinis on the bus while they listened to their boombox that's uh that's a lot of people on the bus's go-to drink is a martini yeah it spills everywhere it's very difficult yeah it makes shaking it easy because the bustle really jostle you a lot but uh have you ever had a martini yeah i think so i had one in high school

and said this is not for me forever um but it looked cool and maybe maybe when sex in the city was on and maybe i had a cosmopolitan is. Is that a martini? I think so. Basil, martini? Yeah, I think I've only had one because I was going through a huge bond phase. Oh, yeah. And I realized I'd never had it. And the guy didn't ask me if he wanted it shaken or stirred. So, that kind of sullied the whole experience.

I wanted to be like, actually, I don't even know what the difference would have been um and here's what i learned about the one time i the one time i had to interview a bartender is you do not shake a clear drink oh okay so when uh you should have it stirred is uh what i learned okay i don't know why exactly i forget why you because you cloud it up when you break the the ice i'm not sure yeah i uh yeah i think i had it like in the late 90s there was this revival of like lounge culture so which i would be for if it came back around i love it but yeah that's when i drank a martini and uh you know swingers was out it was a whole different time yeah it was very cool james b was a cool canadian celebrity um so uh fazel what's been going on for you this has been a long time

obviously uh for everybody but uh how are you how you keeping yourself entertained besides vaping you know i i mean like everyone we're all struggling like luckily my my lady uh you know she she's the executive director of the french so she's at home working you know working for the artist trying to get like a fest a digital festival going so artists can get paid you know and so it's tough because i want to like there's nothing to do i've got laid off i'm getting the serb you know i just kind of want to play playstation 5 to do. I've got laid off. I'm getting the CERB. You know, I just kind of want to play PlayStation 5, which I was lucky enough to get, but I just can't do those things. So I've just been like

trying to read and trying to figure out like new skills. I started getting into, I started painting sneakers. Wow. Yes, this is cool. That was a very, that was like a roller coaster. I've been trying to read. I've been trying to develop new skills like reading. Yeah. But i stalled on that and have been painting shoes so what's what goes into that because uh i've never heard of anybody doing it before and it fascinates me take us through it sure so again

so youtube you know you can if you want to learn any skill really just go to youtube and so i was watching because i was like i'm not going to spend money on sneakers you know i'm a big sneaker guy and so i'm like i'm not going to spend money and so i'm like what maybe i can just restore them or just add like some pizzazz or some flair and so i just started uh researching and there's a specific type of paint and there's a specific type of chemical that you could use so i just like made a quick trip bought that and then just started practicing on sneakers then i ran out of sneakers to paint yes and these were all your your sneakers you already owned okay yeah my like the three or four year old shoes you know and that's all i'm experimenting i'm like yellow blue all right let's

go red black and so at this point i ran out and then i just started buying people's like air force specifically air force one so people will sell them for like 20 bucks and they don't even have to be my size and so i'll just meet them and i'll email them 20 bucks and they'll just like leave me a bag of shoes i'll just like throw those in the wash uh and then there's just basically a blank canvas you really throw them in like the actual washing machine yeah wow i know you take you're taking like plain completely white ones yeah i'm assuming okay this is uh this is kind of blowing my mind no not only for the painting part but i had no idea you could throw shoes in the washing machine leather shoes yeah i mean you're not supposed to, um, but it's, you know, like the bill,

it's the building's problem. Not mine. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Do you put other things in there that aren't supposed to be in a washing machine, a,

a keyboard or something in that nature? Just dishes. Just my pots and pants. Um, so how many, how many of you painted in all in all uh so far about nine and then yeah then i got i did a couple for my lady and then a couple for my kid then my kids older sneakers i'm like all right let's just work on these and then so and then

what what is the destination of all these like all you've gave given the sum away are you gonna start cashing in or what i i ideally i i mean the dream is just to get a brand new pair of air force ones and just have the confidence to be like all right let's do this and then you know uh yeah try to try to perfect that i mean it's a lot of trial trial and error right now and then you know so i'll be walking around with my shoes that look like someone like a crazy person painted them and so that's always fun when people are like, hey, man, what's up with your feet? You know, what are you what are you painting on them? Are you just like redesigning them or are you doing like is there an image that you can make out?

Yeah, I haven't got that far. So, like, you know, if I were to take the stop podcasting your logo. Right. So I could I would print that and then i would uh i would put that on the shoe so i'm still learning how to do that right sort of transfer the graphic and then i would just sort of paint it around so right now i'm just sort of tracing it just crudely uh when i get to like you know when i can get to that big boy status i'll be able to get the right tools what would be your dream do you have like in a dream in mind of what, I mean, I'm, I'm thinking we're all imagining Darth Maul. Yes.

Darth Maul. I was picturing, um, Dan rather, um, um, yeah. Like what's the,

yeah. What's the ultimate will be the ultimate pair of shoes. Oh, wow. Um, I think if I could do a great Wu Tang symbol. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But that it's just, you know, it's just like the angles. There's a lot of, you know, okay. All right. How do I get this angle here? And then for it to appear on the other, you can also do like two shoes. So I could have half the logo on one shoe, half the other. So that'd be cool. I did.

I did that comedy records. I was trying to get one where like their logo was a c and an r so i was trying to put the c but the c is completely is perfect but the r is not so it just looks pretty haggard you know so i'm just like throw those away let's get another pair let's go to facebook marketplace come on before this uh fever dream began did you ever were you a painter before you know i was more of a so sometimes in the building people leave uh like blank canvases or paint stuff like that and so over the years i've just sort of grab it and you know i'm very abstract just you know

jackson pollock throwing whatever um you know like that is my my limit like that's as far as creativity like as far as like i can't paint a barn or something or nothing like banksy related no yeah politically driven uh he paints on a barn imagine if banksy was out in the country he would paint something on a barn yeah i'm country country banksy yeah this is cottage season yeah yeah a little stencil of a you know a little girl in a cowboy hat oh yeah holding a balloon that's shaped like i don't know a pig like a horse yeah um yeah well that's cool that's cool that you figured out like a like a pastime i i did not figure out a pastime so i'm. And time has been going so slowly. But you also were an inspiration to that because you've painted many things, right?

With that luscious beard of yours, right? Yes, for many years. Money for charity. So, yes, that was the thing. Sometimes on the internet, I will see people hydro dipping shoes. That's right. Do you know what this is, Graham? No. people hydro dipping shoes that's right i do you know what this is graham no it's like you you yeah

you see a vat of like a little bucket of water okay and they've there's like some some design in it sometimes it's like like a digitally printed design sometimes it's just like a swirl in the water yeah yeah yes so i've been doing that too yeah oh okay and you dip the shoe in there and you pull it out and it's like perfectly uh covered the shoe so is that the same chemical is that the chemical you're talking about so you'll have so basically you'll have like a big tub of water and basically you're just taking cans of spray paint you're just spray painting the water so that part's really fun because you're just like and the paint is just just gathering on the surface of the water and then you'll just gingerly you know depending if you got the color right because you might want to go blue yellow

right and then you'll just i love that sound effects and you just drop gingerly drop that shoe in uh and then and then the paint just sort of sticks it's like you know tie dye or camouflage you know that's kind of what what it's going for but yeah sort of sticks it's like you know tie dye or camouflage you know that's kind of what what it's going for but yeah the image too that's like yeah that's we're at made men status when you could do it with the actual design which i'm far off the uh i like that you said uh camouflage or tie dye the two similar things but on the two ends of the spectrum yes 60s wise at least yeah they're never meeting yeah well they only meet to put like a daisy in a gun banksy would paint that he would paint a daisy in a gun on the side of a barn yeah tie-dye daisy and a camouflage rifle um oh but you know all kidding aside

banksy we wish him the best yeah we uh who is banksy is he q um i've been leaving hints all these years i feel like those are the two um like secret people in our society q banksy and i guess maybe like who's gonna be the next colonel that's true and who's um you know who's in the the mask in the mask singer yes of course i haven't been following it but i do look forward to when the season's done and then I can read all the celebrities that it was. And Faisal, have you ever seen this program? I mean, I love that show. Yeah, I've only seen a couple of them.

And I'm astounded at the stars who actually agree to do this. Yeah, I guess a couple of weeks ago, like Logan Paul was one of the ones. Okay. Yeah, which nobody would have been stoked when he revealed that that's who he was everybody'd be like oh oh nuts i wish that i'm really like struggling to keep him and his brother separate in my mind i do not know which is which i know that i think it was jake paul one of of them stole a boxer's hat at the weigh-in, and I can't remember

who it was that stole the hat, but boy, did he get beaten up by a lot of people. And I was going to have to fight the boxer. Yeah, that's true. And that boxer now has a fuel in his belly because of this whole hat situation. Well, and he got that come on

from the whores on seventh Avenue. Um, yeah. Like I, the only things that I've seen is trying to think like one was a reality show star that I never heard of before. And then I feel like these are singers. These are singers.

I feel like Kelly Osbourne was one of them once. And then Kermit, the frog was one of them. And I was like, that's, this is unacceptable. Yeah. Unacceptable. I feel like Kelly Osbourne was one of them once. And then Kermit the Frog was one of them. And I was like, this is insane. Yeah, unacceptable. I don't like it. Which ones have you seen, Faisal? There was the rapper Lil Wayne.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He was the first one. Like, whatever season, he was knocked out week one because he could tell. He was like, I don't want to give him back here every week. Yeah, but I mean, that suit must be like, they must like it i mean it's got wi-fi and fans right it's got must be like technologically like pretty advanced yeah because diffuse a bomb wearing that thing that would be cool that'd be fun that would be great if one of the costumes in the Masked Singer was the Zero Dark Thirty.

No, wait. The Hurt Locker. The Hurt Locker. The... You gotta let me know. That's a red wire. Yeah, that's... What song would you sing?

What's your Masked Singer karaoke? I'll have to always go with Take On Me by Aha. That's good. That's really good. It gets everybody hyped, that song. I'd sing Hallelujah. With all the extra verses. The original 13 verses. Just ruin everybody's night

What would you do Dave? I was listening to On 99.3 The Fox The Fox Rocks They do the 90s at noon and I was driving around at noon The other day and they always pick Like a week from 1996 And do the top five.

Okay. Top five songs from that week. And Champagne Supernova was on. Oh, yeah. I was like, oh, that's really good. I really like, you know, it's like not quite a full song. As I was listening to it, I was like, they don't need to rock out at the end. I feel like they needed just one more part of the song and they just decided to rock out at the end.

Yeah. I wonder how often a song is just not long enough and they're like, you gotta, I don't know, add an extra chorus or something like this is too short a song. Um, yeah. The,

uh, would that be your song would be, yeah, sure. I, have you heard that song? That's like, it's part of another song.

It's, it's the one, it's just, I love you, baby. And it's part of another song it's it's the one it's just i love you baby and it's quite all that itself just that part of you're i you're just too good to be true i can't take my eyes off of you has become its own song yeah and it just repeats over and over i don't like it's less than a song like we had a full song with just that and that was part of it and they were like well i know that's a full song i want less than that yeah and then the next generation just gets your yes um fazel one of the things i know about you is that you are very often, you're an actor and very often cast.

I see you all the time in commercials and you're often a husband or a dad or is that, are you typecast? I am. Luckily, I got this range where I'll play 20 to 45. And my agent's just like let's go you know just sending these sending yeah a lot of times yeah it'll be dad uh or or you know like schlubby husband some of the breakdowns are so embarrassing and humiliating you know let me like the the main guy be like you know i want him to be in shape all right uh and then the the friend we kind of want a loser chubby guy that really doesn't have his life together a guy with like

really bad credit um what okay yeah i guess yeah i guess that's me um and in all of that like i never i never had any aspirations to act and my one of my best friends, Rodney Ramsey, great comic from Montreal, was getting married. And so there's a bunch of comics there. And his wife, I guess, had separated all the comics. So K. Trevor Wilson on one end, Daniel Woodrow. Of course, you don't put them on the same table. And so I'm next to this guy who goes,

hey, man, you have an interesting look. I'm like, I don't know what that means. What do you mean? You're not allowed to say that. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm an interesting look. I'm like, I don't know what that means. What do you mean? You're not allowed to say that. Yeah. Oh no, I'm a casting director. I'm like, oh, okay. I still don't know.

What do you mean? What does that do? Yeah. Any actor, I'm like a casting director. Oh my God. I actually have headshots right here at this wedding. And then he's playing. He's like, I cast for commercials.

And so I was like, oh, okay, cool. And then he's like, look, we'll party tonight and I'll talk to you on Monday. I'm like, okay. And then he remembered, sent me a Facebook message on Monday. And he's like, we did coke together in the bathroom, right? Yeah, today we feast, tomorrow we die. And now I'm going to jumpstart your career. And he's like, I want you to meet this agent.

I think you guys would be a good fit and then uh and then a month later i did a tim horton's uh a commercial for td where they flew me to costa rica and like a ford commercial so it was just like yeah so just kind of just happened i have no idea what i was doing right i'm not really is the winner safety package expense like that and then they just started throwing me into you know uh different different spots and it's been weird and now and now i'm doing it like my you know my agent was like does your daughter want to do this and i was like trying to shield her or protect her from that because it's just constant rejection you know she doesn't need that yeah although it doesn't

sound like it's constant rejection for you you seem like you've just oh yeah no i'm i he he recognized that he's like the like it's the landscape's changing and so um i think someone's i mean and i don't like this reference but someone was like you're like the rosa park of brown actors i'm like no no let's not say that um i'm just there's a lot to unpack in that cup yeah yeah yeah yeah no that's really hyperbolic i just happen to be like the the brown guy at the right time uh and now yeah and then i'm gonna do now i'll go to auditions went before lockdown and i'll see like all these other brown guys and it's just like, you stay out of my way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was the OG. But yeah, it was a crazy ride and

kind of fun. So like, speaking as somebody who never booked anything ever when I was auditioning, and I was auditioning for stuff that when the agent approached me, she said, what type of roles do you think you'd be good for? And I said, prisoner. You were like, cinnamon rolls? approached me she said what type of rolls do you think you'd be good for and i said prisoner

you're like cinnamon rolls uh zz top cover band or yeah exactly kind of like the friendly new guy of the biker gang stuff like that motel desk clerk these are things i think i could do yeah what did al madrigal called you like the i the accountant of the bike yes yeah the hell's human resources for the biker gang yeah um what what is working on a commercial like like are they because i feel like friends have done it and the directors always say okay let's do a take where you improvise and it feels like they forgot to write the ad or whatever is that common yeah oh absolutely a lot of times you'll they'll uh they'll go like hey what would you say in this like in the audition and so it's

happened to like a lot more funnier actors like they'll just end up using your line from the audition you know like hey sorry we didn't book you and we're gonna take that funny thing you said and then give it to this guy um so that so yes when they're like improvised and i'm just like hey all right wow let's get these plates out of here you know i'll purposely not be be funny or charming but that's where the stand-up kind of comes in because i just sort of know how to work the room and essentially it comes down to like the director is looking like do i want to spend eight hours with this guy you know what i mean because if it's like if you're like dull or obnoxious or whatever they're like no but if you're like fun like hey i'm listening let's do this then it just sort of makes time go by super quickly so that was my like my life pack that i figured out for four years and Nice. It was just me charming, yeah.

Yes. Well, you know, some of us don't have that. Is there an app we can use? Did you offer to paint anyone's shoe or anything

that get you in the door? But that's just like commercial where I'm just selling a product or whatever. My agent was like, all right, let's get you

to try to get in TV or movies. And I had three separate auditions. And so, these were the were the lines okay um so the first one was uh hey and the second one show second one was uh you okay and then the third one was hey you okay three separate shows and i i didn't book any of them um and i was and it was like yeah i booked them all and you were typecast as the hey you okay guy i would that would be my my real and then that i would be happy i would i would leave the game um are all the ones that you filmed like been on location or have you had to work like in a studio

set now yeah now uh they'll have yeah it'll be like kind of closed off everyone's like six feet away it's pretty meticulous um but you know they flew me out to costa rica one time and i was there for four days and i was like wow this is amazing yeah yeah the day we were shooting uh all of a sudden you know like the day before because they said to us like stay out of the sun really but because the last time they had actors for td the the actors got drunk and they were like hung over and like sunburned so like stay out of the sun and do not drink and so so me and my wife we did that and the next day i just couldn't walk my foot is swollen and so And so they're like, what the hell?

He can't even, he can't even walk. So luckily we were shooting in a five-star hotel. So I'm in. How did you, sorry, how did you hurt your foot? So I had no idea. They were like, maybe got bit by a scorpion or something in the middle of the night. And so when we fast forward, it was gout. I had gout.

I had a gout attack. From not drinking. That old timey disease so i'm hopping so now everyone thinks that i got drunk and was doing parkour in costa rica and i was like no i just you know i'm just eating a lot of maple bacon and yeah it's not very good the maple is too like artificial tasting well tell me about gout yeah i want to learn about gout okay it is you're not our first guest with gout that's true give me the in and outs of gout i'm looking for that support do you ever get uh okay what is gout yeah tell us tell us about gout gout is a less sexy way of saying extreme

arthritis oh and so so basically over the years you you ever you ever have like you know when you crack your your your knuckles and sometimes you'll do that with your right and that's satisfying so for years on my right toe i just it always felt like i was trying to crack ah it's like i'm on the cusp of it oh no like just this weird tingle i'm like ah you know and it would just i just just that's nothing i just never got to it oh no do i have gout you are at risk of of getting gout yeah and so basically what happened was i i got a gout attack and then that's just when it like you know when it's like hold hold no so there's no rhyme or reason and it affects predominantly men whoo in our in our age um but it doesn't it doesn't have anything to do with because i

always understood it was something to do with diet yes absolutely uh so i was like yeah i always thought it was like alcohol and meat absolutely yeah so i was at the time hardcore vaping uh and i was eating a lot of like burgers and you know like you know when you're a comic and you're just like on the road and the club's just like all right you want the bacon swiss and here's like yeah yeah so i'm just like you know i was at absolute and so i was doing that for like seven days i'm just eating bacon burgers and beers and stuff like that so and i don't exercise and i'm constantly smoking and that is just a recipe you're like get out of here you're done and you can't even wear a sock man it's like that's how painful it is it's just embarrassingly yeah and that was and that was your first gout attack

in costa rica so i'm on set and then everyone's just sort of looking at me and just like you know one of the guys was like honestly man sorry i could have had a medicare but i was like we're in paradise i'm like what could go wrong because we're in this remote area so no one knew what to do and so they sent a dolphin in now do you ever lose gout or do you always have gout you always have it so the best thing is it's basically you're just maintaining and try to eat like healthy salads yeah no but that pain will just just it's you it's it's horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my, on my worst enemies. Really?

You wouldn't? Tell me about your worst enemy. Why did they get off easy? I, I think, I think one of my friends years ago said, it goes, if you truly want something to happen to you,

you have to wish it for someone else. Right? So after I stopped wishing anxiety, on everyone, no, think i whatever whoever's like wronged me over the years um i one i never forgot um but i know that was just like a weird feel for me because like also guys i'm like a brown guy with the last name but so i've been yeah i've been catching shit like my whole life so everything you know some things like sort of slide off what uh when you say like people use that expression i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy do you know who like who you don't have to say but do you have

someone who springs to mind when you say your worst enemy yeah it's um he's just kind of taken the the the title right now and it was just a guy that we were friends with and uh i mean i don't want to say his name we're still friends but he's like he's kind of like the nemesis now and so and he's like the version of me that did like everything wrong uh oh that's fun to see like a sliding doors version of yourself yeah yeah exactly right and so and so and he pulled some shady stuff shady stuff with me and you know and so you're like really dude i'm like one of your only friends and you're like betraying me um so and that was a hard lesson to learn you know especially like to get screwed over when you're like in your mid

30s you're like i should have i should have you know had my sense my spidey senses going yeah yeah but do you have a worst enemy graham uh the people who live above me uh it's been like two weeks but you want to hear a weird thing that the other day i was walking past the the people who i thought are my upstairs neighbors i was walking past the, the people who I, uh, thought are my upstairs neighbors. I was walking past them and said, hello. And then, uh, the,

the woman's holding her baby. And I said, Oh, you guys must've been, you must be up on top of my suite. And they said, no, we're not.

Uh, we're right next door to another couple that has a baby. So the people i thought i hated turned out i think they might be my best friends in the building oh gosh isn't that always the way yeah it's a roller coaster ride and uh i'm here for it you know i'm living i'm living my best life i haven't seen my worst enemy in so long i i don't i don't really feel anything for my worst enemy. Really? Well, I wish them bad luck. But I don't care. I don't think about them.

The thing that you said, Faisal, about not... What is it you don't get the thing unless you wish that somebody else actually got it? Wish it for someone else, yeah. If you truly want something for yourself, you have to be able to wish it for someone else. I really want to get in Just for Laughs. How come i didn't get in just for laughs i had a good you know i don't know i yeah yeah yeah you know like you just sort of and i and i was that guy too i'm like how did that guy get in why didn't i you know and then i just sort of calmed and just recalibrated reprogrammed that's i think that's like very healthy sounding it was yeah it took a lot of like took a lot of

booze and mushrooms and some amphetamines that was like a dark dark ride you know but look you know i just persevered and stuck with him and got lucky with some breaks you know and now i'm the guy that other people are like that guy that guy's in a tide commercial that's who you want to be you yeah you want people to be like i hate that guy because he gets the things yeah i wonder how many people hate me um just your just your nemesis that you can't even think of that you're not thinking about right now no i can think of who it is i just don't care yes but although if i'm my nemesis showed up i would i would break like they would know they were my nemesis because I would instantly break out into a flop sweat. Oh, fuck.

My nemesis is here. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. This is not going to go well. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you? Let's check in with you. Okay.

Well, so we're in a pandemic. Mm-hmm. So we're in a pandemic and, uh, uh, last week, uh, my wife, Abby, uh, was her friend who's vaccinated. You know, we all, we both have everyone. Everyone's got one dose. Yeah. Uh, Abby's friend who's vaccinated was like, Hey, would you want to go hang out? And so they went, they made plans to hang out in a park.

And it had been so long since I was just like a home alone with the kids that I was like, okay, well let's do like a fun dad night. Nice. And so I, uh, I went and, I was like, okay, we'll order pizza. like it's weird ordering pizza when you have kids because like you want a good pizza yeah and the kids you can't go to a pizza

place that's too good because if they're a really good pizza place they're like kids cheese pizza will be too fancy for your kids and they won't eat it yeah um basil you have a kid as well right i do and did you is this checkout this uh this pizza scenario he's absolutely he's absolutely right yeah and my kids don't like dominoes because the the tomato sauce is too spicy. I believe him. Oh, man. That's so funny. Dad, this is too spicy.

And this was like, this has been going on for years, but like before they could even enunciate spicy, like it's too feisty. And so earlier that day when I knew I was going to have pizza with the kids, I was in the grocery store and I saw they had a box of s'mores, like a s'mores making set. Ooh. And s'mores are, I've always loved the idea of s'mores making set ooh and s'mores are i've always loved the idea of s'mores yes but they've rarely it's it's uh i've rarely actually enjoyed them because it's like a the campfire food where you yes like oh well we're at a campfire we gotta make s'mores yeah and you end up with like someone brought a huge sleeve of graham crackers and a huge bag of marshmallows and one chocolate bar it's like yes yeah and you're getting smoke

in your eyes and you're toasting the marshmallow and it's catching on fire and yet it's super hot and it'll burn your mouth but it's not hot enough to melt the chocolate. That's right. Yeah. And it's like, it's one of those things that you would never do it outside of a campfire. It's not like. Right. It's not like a pizza pop. There's not like something that you can enjoy at home. Well, I bought this pack, a s'mores making kit, and it came with a big bag of marshmallows. Okay. kit and it came with a big bag of marshmallows okay a sleeve of graham crackers and four aero

bars whoa okay this is this sounds great and for our american listeners aero bars are like a just a just like a top-notch regular chocolate bar filled with air bubbles yeah i don't think there's an american equivalent of the no there isn't they they rule they're great and the like the equivalent the only other equivalent is also canadian it's the mirage bar yes we haven't seen in so long um well if you see it it's not really there that's true um basil are you pro s'more or anti-smore i i i love the the idea of uh trying to, you know, we're this fledgling company. We're trying to get s'mores in your house here. Like you offering your neighbor like a peace offering.

Like, I know we're not getting along, but here's a s'mores kit. And I don't know how much it costs because like it was just part of my groceries. So I like I might have spent $30 on these s'mores. I'm not sure. and i don't know how much it cost because like it was just part of my groceries so i i like i might have spent 30 dollars on these s'mores i'm not sure no yeah it is a gooey it's just too gooey i never really did camping uh yeah so i never got exposed to a lot of that but no the one thing about the did it come with something to put the marshmallow on or did you have to go home and destroy a coat hanger like everybody else i uh we have skewers okay we have the shish kebab skewers yep that makes sense so uh i was like okay well let's do it on the barbecue oh okay, okay. Because what else? Like, I have, like, my stove has a, it's a gas stove, and I could, I guess, toast them on that.

I'm not going to light a fire. Right. Could you, though? Do you have a fireplace? No. I mean, we have a fireplace, but it's behind glass. Yeah. But, like, outside, like, do I have a fire pit?

No, I don't. Yeah. I guess that's what I was thinking of fire pit. So I had, yeah. And I was like, if I did it on the stove,

I'm going to like drip a big glop of marshmallow and. That'll be the end of that stove. Yeah. Yeah. So we did it outside and there's no way to toast them toast the marshmallows without catching them on fire yeah that's right simple fact of life and uh the one like i got the mechanics down of like you take two graham crackers yeah and by the way when you hear your name in the cracker do you get get a little excited? Yeah. I get wood.

Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, buddy. Good for you, I guess. Thank you. Yeah. Well, also, it said this is good for 18 portions. Like, I'm never going to eat 18 s'mores like we're gonna do this once yeah

like you have to you have to get on a regiment like okay i'll have a smoothie in the morning quick s'mores go for a run the sensible dinner but you so you put the chocolate on there, you, you have the two, uh, crackers in your hand and then you place the marshmallow on there and you squeeze the crackers together and pull out the skewer. Yeah. And so I had that down and I got to tell you, this is, these were the best s'mores I've ever had in my life because you weren't, we weren't in a hurry to eat them you could let the chocolate melt a little bit right and how many s'mores did your did your children

eat they ate one each i had one the rest goes in the fire the rest goes in we we did we've that was on friday and we've done it it's wednesday now we've done it one other time since but basically we've just been like eating marshmallows and aerobatics on their own um yeah i think like i definitely had them at camp i feel like that was yeah we'd have a camp basil you never went to any camp no no not well just that one time which had the mountain climbing thing oh yeah right so yeah so all right yeah so i'm not gonna trust anything it's like past life therapy for you yeah i'm really getting it off my thing off my chest but like uh what did your where did

your parents send you in the summer so that they could have some alone time no there was no alone time for them for them but also this is weird so my dad um he you know they moved from pakistan to montreal in the summertime um we're like well this is canada's great and then the winter comes like oh what did we what did we do and also when my dad arrived like what's your name like it should be pronounced but um and i guess he you know he didn't know better and then the guy who's're like, what's your name? Like it should be pronounced, but, um, and I guess he, you know, he didn't know better. And then the guy who was writing it like,

yeah, let's write it as B U T T here. Welcome to Canada. Um, yeah, he didn't. Yeah. So two things here,

he messed up. That is the same thing happened with Brent, but when he came from Pakistan, my dad, so, so he was working. So he was, we would live in Montreal,

but he was working, um, in would live in montreal but he was working um in the north in the northwest territories oh wow yeah it's called the dew line the distant early warning so at the time when russia was still a threat and like so oh hey buddy there's still a threat uh but back in you know we didn't have social media too in the 60s and 70s so like you know they would be like now social media too in the sixties and seventies. So like, you know, they would be like, no, we invade country.

So, so that was that airspace is just basically them kind of like monitoring. And so they had like a crew of people up North. Cause if Russia was going to like have a sneak attack from there, they'd be like, they're the distant early warning. So they'd be like, Oh snap,

there's planes coming for you. You know, the rest of you Americas. So, yeah. So I guess it's kind of a noble thing but yeah he so he also wasn't there a lot growing up so my mom did did whatever she could to keep me in the house like hey do you want a nintendo here stay in the house oh okay so it was the opposite they weren't trying to pawn you off they were like they wanted you to stick around. Did you have siblings? Yeah.

Yeah. So this is also weird too. It's like, I have an older sister that's nine years older than me. And I have a younger brother that's nine years younger than me. Yeah. So there's, wow.

So dad would come to town roughly every nine years. There's Brent, but I gotta go, gotta do the road. Yeah. Cause I think like the feeling i get from my parents is that you know they love me absolutely but there was a they were trying to get rid of me pawn me off on some people uh every chance they got yeah uh i'm sure i was in pre-pre-pre-school and uh you know probably spent some time at a neighbor's in my crib.

Who knows? Right. I can't remember. Yeah. It's weird because I felt like so much of my childhood was spent waiting in the car. Yes. For my parents to come out of a store. Yeah.

And you can't do that with kids anymore. You're not allowed to just like leave a kid in a car anymore. Yeah. you're not allowed to just like leave a kid in a car anymore yeah and like i see uh at the liquor store i see a lot more dads with kids in the liquor store because that's you have to you don't have a choice well you can't now during the pandemic you can't really like there's nothing on for kids that's true yeah well unless their parents are smart like you and gave gave them some s'more time yeah i. I have my kids barbecuing. My kids are smoking stuff now.

We got them a big green egg. I mean, there's probably Zoom activities. We're like, all right, so now we're going to make some s'mores, everyone. And so everyone in the Zoom unpacking, that's where we're at. in the zoom you know unpacking like that's where we're at like my i realized like my six-year-old has like her whole schooling has just been like from home in front of a laptop right which is like so so weird yeah um you know and i'm like it's i don't know she's kind of adapting to it which is also weirder as well you know so does she like it or does she absolutely hate it i i think she likes it um because she's like she's pretty she's figured out youtube herself so now she's going you know

she's kind of like finding stuff you know how to like build a porch or whatever you know um how to paint shoes you know how to paint shoes yes she's kind of like so i'm it's cool that she's learning how to use the computer but does she know how to read or write no uh no but she knows java so it's weird oh yeah i'm just we're just like hoping this kind of ends ends tomorrow which we had our lockdown extended again so congrats you've axed no you know what i had my appointment i show up and i'm like hey i'm phasal my appointment at 2 30 and she's like oh we didn't email you oh my god sorry yeah we don't have any of the vaccines and we didn't get the shipment and sorry and we'll just call you when

it comes in and what i didn't realize and she didn't say it but it was the uh the astra zenica back so she don't want to say we only have this, the one that the, you know, the government's like, you can't use this anymore. Right. And I just thought that was just weird

that they like didn't email me or anything. So I just like got on a, got on a bus and then got there putting myself at risk. Hey, that's what I got.

You did get AstraZeneca? Yeah. So did you get it like a couple of weeks ago? Cause this was like literally the day. Yeah. I'm at four weeks as of tomorrow. But you seem fine, right?

There's no, how do you tell if you have a blood clot? They say it'll hurt. Okay. I was going to say your Jamaican friend just yells at you. Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. So I, uh, yeah, I've made some s'mores.

They were, they were all right. I recommend go out, get 17 friends, buy this s'more pack. And if you get 17 friends, you can go to an 18 plus movie. What's going on with you, Graham? Here's the great thing that this is one of the only kind of good things that have happened because of the pandemic is every business that can has opened up a patio so it's uh every almost everywhere you go there's patios that are kind of makeshift patios and i love it because uh i do enjoy drinking on a patio and so i was drinking on a patio the other day and there was a group

across from me that was you know six friends six friends hanging out that probably shouldn't be joey ross yes chandler gunther gunther yes and marcel yeah marcel that's right um but so there was a guy who I don't know what his relationship to them was but he kept he never sat down with them the whole time so I guess he's like not a friend but maybe he's harassing these people

but he kept have you ever seen like the thing where a guy like on a lamppost or whatever like can stand up perpendicular to the lamppost like they've got arms with his arms yeah like kind of like he's a flag like he's a superman pose yeah yeah so uh he kept trying to do that and not being very good it was like a kid who's like watch me do a cartwheel they just gotta fall over was he trying to do the thing where you're holding it and you take you like walk you walk from vertical to horizontal or no he was just trying to go up and hold that position which he couldn't do

um and he did it numerous times and uh i swear to god guys i could do this in private i i just don't look at me and i can do it i have a lamppost at home that i practice on this is yeah it's always fine um but i could tell that the the people were not with him but were humoring him that that was kind of the vibe i was getting as they were saying like okay that's good good yeah and uh and then i realized he actually worked there he was a waiter at this establishment so he was harassing customers and then but he was off shift uh so i guess you're allowed if you're off shift but go home um but he he had food he got food from the kitchen, and then he climbed a tree and ate it in the tree. And I was like, this guy is the worst goddamn guy.

Yeah. Yeah. He sucks. This guy sucks. Yeah. This guy seems like the guy who would tightrope walk between the Twin Towers. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

At the very least, he would slackline. Yeah. in the twin towers yes yeah exactly at the very least you had slackline yeah but like have you ever seen somebody like that who's who's like just full of bravado trying to show off but just doesn't have the goods every day in the mirror and by the mirror i mean the zoom camera basil have you ever seen some one of these guys yeah man my whole my whole life yeah um it's okay they're always like trying to make fun of me um and they never pull it off i'm like that's your joke about my last name right i remember one guy be like hey is your middle basil is your you know your your your middle name is probably spelled K-I-S-S-M-Y

and I was like Basil kissed my butt but he had just said the K and I'm like yeah, that's right because it's actually Kareem Oh, so you did kind of buy into the premise right away Kareem Abduljabut

but then I told him like oh your middle name's kareem kareem bud and i was like ah what did i do so i failed yeah oh boy yeah i that's you really boxed yourself in there uh-huh um so at this patio so there's this guy now he's just up in the tree like a squirrel eating and you can see him you can just see his legs was he eating something from the restaurant from the restaurant yeah he worked at yeah it was he had a little box like a to-go box and he ate it in the tree his staff meal and i was like get out of the tree man that's not your tree to climb if you weren't you didn't say that no it just because what was this guy gonna listen to reason just when you say i was like oh yeah that's

true i was like in my head okay um and then this other thing that happened that i've never seen before uh this uh couple of parents and their two kids uh they rolled them in on a stroller and the baby the youngest of the kids was wearing a bonnet was wearing an honest to goodness baby which i've never i've never seen outside of like baby huey comics or whatever i i've never ever seen a white like a white frilly bonnet that was tied around the the bottom of the chin and uh yeah it blew my mind it was like seeing like like somebody squishing a can of spinach and then having it land in their mouth it was that bizarre we we had a couple for our babies but they hated them and you would we would only bother on like the sunniest day right of all time basil bonnets

on your on your daughter no i i if you if you've got to connect for for bonnets online yeah i'm i'm i'll wear one too i'll paint a bonnet i used to be muslim so i'll show some some solidarity we have that in common um yeah the uh anyways it was a like it was a thing that i always knew as a as a term or kind of a genuine genuine uh general kind of visual but i've never seen it in real life now speaking of things that were a term that you maybe saw in real life did these baby buggies have rubber bumpers yes how did you know that yeah i don't think um yeah so i all in one afternoon on a patio i got to see a guy climb a tree and eat some food a real baby in a baby bonnet and uh i got day drunk so three for three that's my bingo card uh things i wanted to do do you like being day drunk i love it i love it because you can eat dinner and then go right to bed oh sure yeah and then you sleep 12 hours

and then i wake up again and and all's right with the world you know and that's that's the way people should do it get drunk before dinner yes yeah this whole like getting because then your body's fighting it when you're trying to sleep uh that night yeah 3 p.m that's when you should it's always 3 p.m somewhere this 5 p.m horseshit is no good 3 p.m yeah 5 p.m is when i have dinner then i'm in bed by six yeah exactly um should we move on to a little bit of business okay i guess that's what we call it we got some jumbotrons here some fun jumbotrons we've had some jumbos yeah that's right and you know what i think it's time i think we're due i think it's gonna be it's gonna be our year sure um now uh if you've never heard of Jumbotron before,

this is a way that you can express your love and affection or your anger at somebody via this podcast. And this one comes for a gentleman named Benji, but also Graham and Dave. So we get a little taste. This is from Jonathan Jordan and it says, happy birthday, Benji,

not to hijack my brother's joke, but jumbotron, but thank you so much to Graham and Dave for being our happy place. Uh, yes, absolutely. You're welcome. Yes.

We love to be happy. You have been my comfort. We'll abandon in Marrakesh on a road trip around Hokkaido with my brother and just pretending to be a functional human being. Thank you both so much. Wow. That's crazy. Wow.

That's very kind of you. But really happy birthday to Benji. Benji. The name of the dog who was like a Lassie-esque dog. Yes. And also the name of the brother of Joel from Good Charlotte. The two most famous Benjis. Why didn't they start a band together?

What's your favorite Good Charlotte memory? Oh, did one of them get married to Pink? Oh, I think one of them got married to Nicole Richie. Yes. let's look up the madden brothers my favorite memory will be that uh one year they were both like their their song one of their songs was in a madden game and their last name is madden that's pretty good that's pretty good that's as memories go that's a good one uh benji madden married to cameron diaz really yeah well you could do worse i'll tell you that and he's seven years younger than her joel madden he's married to

married to nicole richie are they twins the maddens yes yeah and joel matlin the president of alarm force call 1-800-267-2001 alarm force now this next jumbotron uh it says who's this message is for dave graham and all bumpers dalton r from san francisco hey guys just wanted to send some extra love and support your way for how much i've enjoyed the show over the past couple years and to shout out the great facebook fan group of bumpers enjoy this hundred dollar usd not sure what that is in canadian two thousand dollars uh ps i recently oversaw a license plate frame that said women want me fish fear me pretty good that is pretty good actually yeah uh yeah that is great um there's a lot to unpack here first of all the facebook group uh the stop podcasting yourself facebook group is great. There's, you know, topics we touch on for five minutes on the show become weeks long things.

We talked with Paul F. Tompkins a few weeks ago about boomer memes and then people have just been sharing boomer memes. And I, you know what? I'm here for it. Yeah, I'm here for it as well. Also, if you, well, I mean, the Canadian dollar is surging, so. Yeah, exactly. We're like the Bitcoin of. Going far.

If you want to support the show, do it through supporting it at maximumfund.org slash join, because we get a bigger cut of that than we do of the Jumbotron. It's purely business. This is what we got into we're two businessmen but also i love that you snuck an overseen in um the the fact that i mean that should be a uh a lesson for everyone that that overheards are uh or jumbotrons are a way to pay your way into the overheard yes yeah absolutely um and if you want to send a jumbotron where a way to pay your way into the overheard segment. Yes, absolutely. And if you want to send a jumbotron, where do they go, Dave?

Maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. There we go. Let's move on to overheards. Somewhere between science and superstition, there is a podcast. Look, your daughter doesn't say she's a demon she says she's the devil himself that thing is not my daughter and i want you to tell me there's a show where the hosts don't just report on french science and spirituality but take part themselves well Well, there is, and it's Oh No Ross and Carrie on Maximum Fun. This year, we actually became certified exorcists. So yes, Carrie and I can help your daughter.

Or we can just talk about it on the show. Oh No Ross and Carrie on MaximumFun.org Overheard! Overheard's a segment where in these times, oh so difficult to hear something funny, but if you're lucky enough to hear something funny or see something funny, you should send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org

and we always like to start with the guest. Faisal, hit us. Oh man, I was on the bus drinking a martini We always like to start with the guest. Faisal, hit us. Oh, man. I was on the bus drinking a martini with my boombox. Yeah. And this is just like it's leaving the station. So everyone's just getting on.

And these two guys, one guy is sitting and then his friend was like, oh, my God. Hey, Dave. Yeah. I haven't seen you in a while. And they sit together and I'm right behind them. And they're catching up. And it just seems great. It seems like they're making this connection.

And he's like, how's your family? He's like, yeah, it's great. My older sister, she's doing great. Right now she's just taking a bunch of classes. And he stops and he's like, what? Like karate? And he stops and he looks at her he's like no physics she's studying physics 1000 was just pushing it down i was like oh good for you good for you that you think

you think a grown woman is going to take karate class i mean she might like yeah but i love that that is your go-to let you know thing that she's learning she's taking courses in karate i like that the guy saying it like left it open like my sister's been taking some classes what like lamaze the other type karate and lamaze they are all housed in the same building first floor karate second floor lamaze don't get them confused um dave do you have an overheard i do mine is it doesn't count because it's from my daughter oh that's fine um so my uh i have a four-year-old poppy and a six-year-old margo and they were we were at the park and the playground and there's you know the playground is yeah it's got slides yes it's got monkey bars it's got

swings does it have a pole that you can slide down yeah it's got a like a fireman pole yeah yeah it's got things to climb up ropey ropey spider webby things yeah jungle gyms classic park all this uh this one also has a like a kind of a restaurant counter so underneath the fun parts you can go stand at the counter and be like pretend you run a restaurant and your friends come up and say i want a hamburger and you say okay what do you want on it yeah you pretend to make it and they pretend to pay you and so margo uh was playing like she owned a uh ice cream store okay okay what and poppy came up and and uh she she said uh i want some ice cream and margo was running here's the flavors we have we have chocolate vanilla strawberry it's a neapolitan Came up and she said, I want some ice cream. And Margo was running.

Here's the flavors we have. We have chocolate, vanilla, strawberry. It's a Neapolitan ice cream place. And they played for a little while. And then Margo left and went and, you know, went down the slide or whatever. Did other stuff at the playground. And then some other kids were playing. They had overheard Margo playing this. And they were like, oh, I'm going to pretend I own an ice cream place as well.

And then Poppy came up to me and said, someone else is playing ice cream. I don't think Margo would like that. She's got a real younger sibling complex complex yeah like everyone's gonna be in trouble with my older sister things have to be just so yeah and there's also a thing i think in kiddom where you have a real problem with anybody copying you oh my god yeah i remember when i was a kid we played hockey we played street hockey at the school between these two, there were like these two supports for the stairs that made a perfect goal. And so we would try to score on this goal and we played for months, me and my friends.

And then some older kids were like, oh, I like the, that's a great place to play street hockey. And so one day we went out at lunch and these older kids were already playing at our spot and i remember i said to them hey this is our spot we founded this place and the older kid was like uh the word is found oh man what a delicious retort well like yes i know it is but we also founded it like as a site as a historical site that's right uh founded 1917 yes yeah oh man that's that's great i felt stupider and smarter than this person at the same time.

Do you remember that from childhood, Faisal? Some, like, getting copied or copying somebody else and then really holding your feet to the fire? Yeah. You know, Transformers was huge, right? And my mom got these. She still is. Yep. She got these Transformers pajamas that they glow in the dark.

Holy shit. So, you know, so you have the autobots and decepticons so you have the and so because my cousin was sleeping over and you know he doesn't actually have pajamas mom's like oh don't worry and my mom was offering up like my my transfer transformer pajamas and then and then she was like well you can just keep them and and i was just just like losing it yeah Yeah, I could not. Wow. Yeah.

How could you do that? Now you're pitting us against each other. Yeah. Well, you've already pissed in them. You can keep them. Yeah. Yeah. It was a weird moment where I'm like, why am I behaving like this?

Because I was like, no, look, I got the goods here. And now I'm like forced to. Is that socialism? Yeah. Yeah. Socialism is giving away your favorite candy. I'm seven years old. Like, I understood. i'm like forced to is that socialism yeah yeah socialism is given away seven years old like i understood i'm like okay yeah this is just terrible i mean i guess yeah i guess as socialism if they're if yeah having if there's one pair of transformer pajamas for the whole country yeah they'll be privatized or no sorry public industry yeah maybe one of you gets the tops and one of you gets the bottoms but then

that's too much like that episode of who's the boss yes where you see tony shirtless angelo yes the sexiest do you have an overheard graham i do uh this happened today i was uh it doesn't matter where i get in line i always get in line behind a person who takes the longest forever. Weird, I have that too. Yeah, so I was at the coffee shop, and there was a gentleman ahead of me that was a senior, and he was kind of having a chat with the barista that kind of went on and on and on. And then at one point, he said, what is your name? And the barista was like chris

or whatever and uh he said my name's wayne are you on internet and then he realized that people were waiting behind him so i don't know if he was going to propose like an email exchange or you know if someone says are you on internet what could they mean i don't know but this guy also uh he was showing his friend like how to construct something but it was on the back of sheets that have been printed out there were pictures of pigeons so he like used his like reject pigeon pile to teach this why did they why did dosekis make the most interesting man in the world with like an adventurer? Why didn't they make it with a guy who prints off pictures of

pigeons? And then is so done with them that he uses them as scrap paper. Yeah, right? No, I got these ones in the spank bank. If someone says, are you on internet? Do you think he maybe meant do you have wi-fi no i think he meant like i think he was trying to connect and so like he was asking maybe if

we could be whatever facebook or email or whatever um and you know what it's lucky the barista really got saved by the bell by me being behind that guy because are you is anyone not on internet oh i mean certainly people are but is any barista he thinks like that's what social media is so he's like hey are you on internet can i yeah i just find you on internet yeah i found you socially where are you on internet um there's a guy that i watched a uh like a television show like world world's weirdest houses and it was a guy who lived in a cave i feel like he hasn't been on internet like yeah yeah no it's definitely people not in a coffee shop yeah not paying four dollars for a coffee but anyone at that coffee shop is on internet yeah i always think about my because my grandmother

Anyone at that coffee shop is on internet. Yeah. I always think about my, cause my grandmother, she was on internet and she did internet things and she grew up in a time when there wasn't even fridges. So she, if she was able to get it from ice box to ice, seek you Graham's grandma.

Well, really well done. Really well done. Um, you know what? Take the rest of the night off thanks okay bye um now we also have overheards sent in from people all over the map if you want to send one into us send it into spy at maximumfun.org and uh this first one comes from john in connecticut uh here's an overheard from cape cod massachusetts now that's that's some fancy living right cape cod is that rich rich country it's not the hamptons oh the hamptons is the one oh boy it's not uh what's the island out there

in cape cod camp david camp what's the island like uh oh boy i forever when i would hear that as a as a youth camp david i always pictured whatever president at the time in a canoe which i guess is not really what it is but it's called camp david um it's uh was it a kennedy place but also the camp david accords, was that Jimmy Carter? I'm going to get roasted by my history 12 teacher, Mr. Permain. I was thinking of Nantucket, but also maybe I was thinking of Martha's Vineyard. Yes.

These are Cape Cod. That's what I was going to say. I went to Cape Cod once. Yeah. And it was, it wasn't super fancy. It didn't have gilded houses and such no no no like there's there's plenty of uh townies little airbnb you a place in went to chatham massachusetts chatham so this is uh john my wife and i were sitting in a bar the east coast is reopening slowly

and a couple walked in and sat a few chairs away from us after some friendly chit chat the bartender asked one of the women where are you from and she responded apparently already a few drinks in into her day I'm from my mom oh she's gonna have an early night she's gonna get a solid 12 hours

yeah exactly she used to wear a bonnet yeah the good thing about day drinking is you don't witness a lot of fights

no at most you just see some aggressive hugs you know over the top reactions to photos

things like this these are these are classic check out this thing on my phone whoa

can I get some mozzarella sticks um yeah i uh i think i'm gonna get day drunk a lot this summer and okay okay that's what you plan on it's more fun it's like something that's maybe something you should wish for your enemy you should or wish for someone else and hope it happens to you that's right that's something i can right now wish that it happens to somebody else so that i want it to come back twofold yeah i assume it's twofold um this next one why do i keep throwing up at 6 p.m oh so sick by the time Jeopardy comes on. This next one comes from Ian.

This is from Ian's friend. There's a woman we know who recently had an altercation with somebody over the phone. She was very angry and not getting what she wanted from the other person. And she yelled, you can't do this to me do you know who i am i'm the president of then she paused slightly then hung up because she couldn't think of anything to claim she was the president of i'm the president of your ass how about that yeah i'm the president of uh i mean a fan club of boy the madden brothers for good charlotte but not the whole band good charlotte um have you ever fazel have you ever tried to to like do the do you know who i am

routine oh lord um i only did that once and so it was was on St. Patrick's Day in Montreal. And so a new comic, and I just gotten a piece in the local paper, in the Montreal Gazette, so the only English-speaking newspaper. And so the start of the article goes, Faisal Butt is the funniest person you've never heard of until now or whatever. Right. Longest headline ever right so so I you know I'm like stoked about that it's Patrick Patrick I don't want to say Patrick's day and I'm out of my mind I'm with my girlfriend at the time and so these kids are throwing like I'm wearing one of those uh green like hats that says like kiss me I'm Irish or whatever right and these guys are throwing like juju we're in the subway they're throwing jujubes at my hat and i'm just like hey man

knock it off stop it right and we get off yeah and they and they're like they're approaching me i'm like do you know who i am they're like no like do you have the newspaper but like because i'm like so drunk and i'm slurring i'm like do you have yesterday's entertainment section on d1 i was like there's a there's a kiosk there do you let's go but they're confused you buy them a newspaper you're like we don't want to hang out or start a fight with yesterday yeah i was like let's go see if it's there um yeah i'm just so proud of it but also like i don't want to fight and I'm like that's my way to get out of it was just to confuse people do you still have a copy of that?

most definitely yes just in case you need a visa had no idea but I have like 12 copies yeah absolutely this last one comes from TS didn't want to say first or last name so just TS while my partner and I were out for a walk

around the neighborhood, we passed by a pregnant person speaking with somebody on their stoop. They said, if I let Ryan name the baby, then the baby's name will be Dogecoin. You could do worse. You could do worse as a name. Dogecoin? Dogecoin? Dogecoingecoin you say it's french

i like that they said a pregnant person i was thinking about because they just announced a couple weeks ago that pregnant people will have a early access to the vaccine here um mind you it doesn't seem like early access when you look at the rest of the world but i feel like that's something that like when we started this podcast we would have been like pregnant person and now we're like oh yeah anyone could be pregnant yeah exactly you never know yeah the uh the astrazeneca things i one of the headlines like i was in an elevator right and there was like headlines and i was like uh one of the concerns is that uh individuals who menstruate may be experienced and that that caught me i was like oh oh right yeah okay yes individuals who menstruate right

rather than say women who women right yeah i was like oh yeah catch up 2021 everyone's make you know making everyone's menstruation or what there's a uh comic who's been on the show before i believe ben mcginnis has he been on the show before yeah he had a fantastic joke his joke was about uh being in the bathroom with a guy who's was pointing out he's like a diaper changing table and he's like diaper changing that's my wife's job and ben was like man you're like six bathroom things behind like you're not gonna make it man you know a ben mcginnis joke i loved was when he talked about uh how people are getting stupider and at Chapters, the bookstore,

one of the employee recommendations was a candle. Shout out to Ben McGinnis. Two fantastic jokes. Thanks for coming on the show 12 years ago. In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Charlie calling from New Hampshire. I was just driving home, and there were two banners outside. This is an overseen.

There were two banners outside of this business, and one of the banners was a stand-up banner, and one said karate, and the other banner said massage. And I just keep thinking that they're the same business and how that works all right uh off i go well first of all what if it was karate and physics right you could get your yeah you could take classes at the same place i would sign like on a dare for sure i would sign up for karate massage and i mean you're just doing those little chops yeah you're doing little chops maybe at the end do a roundhouse kick to my buttocks to my butt yeah yeah because uh i don't know what a massage is that's what i'm stating here for the

record when was your last massage never a clock never happened what and you've met you've acted weird when i said i've never had a massage i mean i've had physiotherapists but that's not massage i've never had classic massage shiatsu swedish swedish exactly the swedish tattoo uh phasal yeah massage history yeah so i i dated a girl who was actually a massage therapist um so yes um damn oh living the dream yeah but only you did it all but only when she was like oh i have these new lotions that i want to try like so it was only for like work related things it was never like good i don't want your old lotion it's never like you had a tough day or anything let me it's just like i need to check this out this, is this smell overpowering?

Is it too greasy? So that was kind of like the guinea pig. It wasn't even like, it was just sort of like, Oh, okay. Yeah. So would she get like,

would you, if you buy these lotions or were these like, do you get samples in the mail? Yeah. Yeah. Or she's always on a, you know, and there's stuff that she would sell to get on these,

on these lotion mailing lists. Yeah. Yeah. Although, do you remember like, i feel like there was a time that lotion like a lotion pack was actually in a magazine oh yeah like a little sample envelope yeah man how are kids even gonna get that you know they have to sign up for a blog and then the blog's gonna send them some uh do you remember with are you on internet i'm on internet yes it was just with boxes of cereals when we were a kid like there would be a toy in the box right like they're in you know you'd fish it out maybe it was like a little like hot wheel or it was like a plastic toy now there is like there's nothing for that now it's like collect four boxes mail it in we'll

send you a honeycombs t-shirt we'll send you a picture of our wife's tits mrs crunch's tits is there a mr tiger a person's tits man here's your next phone call hi dave and graham and guests this is elizabeth in portland calling with an overheard this is actually like a recovered memory inspired by your conversation jane stanton about teachers having breakdowns in class when i I was in high school, I think my sophomore year, my English teacher was a first-year teacher, and she was, like, this young, beautiful blonde woman, and nobody respected her because she was barely older than us.

And we were a particularly rowdy class, and there was this one guy, Colin, who especially sucked, was, like, nonstop making noise and talking back and being rude, and one day, I don't remember what book we were reading, but we were, like, having a discussion, and everyone was supposed to have their book in front of them, and he was being really shitty, and the teacher snapped and I think what she wanted to say was put your book on the table but she was obviously like thinking about how

awful this guy was being and what came out of her mouth in front of a class full of 15 year olds was Colin put your dick on the table prove it it just got worse from there put your dick on the table. Prove it. It just got worse from there,

but it's truly a cherished memory of my youth. Okay. Love you guys. Have a great one. Bye. Yeah. Everything about that is rad. Let's measure it.

Yeah. Complete your dick on the table. You got to bring enough for everybody. I mean, like she says it got worse from there. I can't imagine. Like, that would be the funniest thing that ever happened in the history of the world. Like, as a teacher at that point, you have to be like, okay, let's everybody cool down. Yeah, exactly.

I said the wrong word. Everybody would throw their papers in the air be going crazy for the rest of the day um i was just the the about the teacher kind of breaking down or what have you um there was there was a guy that sat in front of me i think in my social studies class who because he you were allowed to get up and sharpen your pencil oh yeah that was the best oh man he got up like every three minutes and sharpened his pencil and it made the teacher crazy because he couldn't tell him that he can't not uh anyway shout out to david e david e we were talking about teachers having nervous breakdown

it's such an antiquated term yeah nervous breakdown yeah it's i'm like an episode i guess you would call it or something i guess you would say like just a mental health issue like or exhaustion or yeah yeah it's just such a like the picture it paints nervous breakdown as you're like this person is a puddle now yes also like uh whenever when i was a kid or whatever that they said a celebrity was being treated for exhaustion i was always like that's the thing to get exhaustion you're treated by have a nap here and sleep as much as you want. You get an IV. Yeah. That's the one to aspire to, exhaustion. They give you that oxygen mask like offensive linemen have to get sometimes. Here's your final overheard.

Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Sam calling from Toronto. Been overheard. I was in line this week at a pop-up vaccine spot to get the COVID vaccine. And I was standing there for a really long time with my boyfriend, and we were in line for maybe, I don't know, about like two hours at this point. And someone who had gotten the vaccine came out to talk to some friends in line behind us.

And she walked up to her friend group and just before she said anything just started singing this girl is on pfizer nice all in line for the pfizer vaccine anyway after being in line for like two hours it did make me laugh and it made you laugh too thanks guys bye man that is the sweetest coming up with the song parody. But anything is like, if you can, you know, if you got the strength. I mean, the fact that like Fire has been in so many songs and that's the one she settled on. That's true. We didn't start the Pfizer. Yeah.

Come on, baby. Light my Pfizer. Yeah. Those are the three. Pfizer woman by the cult yes is there something about stop drop and roll is there a song in there an American tale of Pfizer went west yeah yes of course what's the song from that

somewhere out there yeah and there are no cats in America the streets paved with cheese. Oh my gosh. You're like, you're like Mr. Fievel encyclopedia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a Fievel. He's a real Fievel guy. Fievel guys burgers. Faisal, thank you so much for being our guest. Fievel. Did you ever get that I did yes

no further questions yeah you go Wes Fival butt Faisal oh yeah that Fival butt she got that Fival butt

that Fival butt there goes Wes um thank you so much for being our guest um what you you were promoting

off the top you have a birthday show that I assume is all over zoom it is yeah it's on on zoom um on the 25th of june 25th of june and how can people that's your birthday and this is my birthday yeah i'll turn 44 and i'm gonna do 44 minutes so not a full headline set but just no yeah No, yeah. 44 minutes is good. Good enough. Right. And how do people find tickets to this? So on Eventbrite, or you can just Facebook me.

I'm pretty prominent there. And it's just like a... It's really donation-based. You pay nothing, or you pay whatever you want. Yeah. Just see a fun show with i assume you and all your good pals yeah yeah we're gonna try to throw some clips and and i have uh it's called um i think we settled on uh enter the phasal verse um so i'm gonna have like different versions of me recorded on on zoom so like we're just trying to figure out any uh who who are your friends that are on this thing uh rodney ramsey

yeah daniel woodrow and morgan o'shea and this new comic called nick dury who's great he's really funny nice i should probably get some women on it but i you know these are the only people i've been talking to are those guys that i've just mentioned so yeah work outside your circle so you can find out there yeah um well thank you so much for being our guest uh guys thanks for thanks for having me yeah this yeah your listeners are great i love i love you guys we love you too man stay safe yeah you too goodness gracious great balls of pfizer there you go there did it. You did it! When we all thought you couldn't, you did. Yeah. I mean, I just googled it.

Well, I thank you, all you people out there for listening to the show. It is our great privilege to bring it to you, and we hope that you're safe and taking care of one another. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported