Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 692 - Tom Scharpling

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

Tom Scharpling of The Best Show joins us to talk about his book It Never Ends, hot tubs, and the Conjuring universe.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 692 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is one of the greats, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, I'm one of the greats now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

I was, um, boy, uh, I was one of the fines for a while. Oh, you leveled up from the fine into yeah i guess so yeah yeah it was me joseph rafe those are the big three all the big greats um our guest today on the episode uh is a gentleman who has a book coming out right now called it never ends you can get it july 6th on tom wrote a book.com it's tom sharpling hi hey how are you i'm good how are you doing well doing well i'm drinking coffee because i i had a fun beverage but then i drank it so i went and made a pot of coffee sure yeah 60 is still a fun beverage though yeah yeah it's will you be up all night? No.

I'll be fine. It doesn't wake me up at all. It doesn't do the... Like, I can drink a cup of coffee and then go have a nap, which is weird, right? Yeah, I always thought it was weird that people would have it after dinner. Yeah. Like, mostly my parents when I wanted to leave somewhere. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That was so they could stay alert when they're driving home after whatever heavy meal they had heavy meal and many drinks yes non-stop booze i think that might be the secret to it it's just like we're gonna need to sober up a little bit can i get you like a kalua cake as well uh shall we get to know us yeah Can I get you like a Kahlua cake as well? Shall we get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us. Tom. Yes. You wrote a freaking book. I did. That's amazing. Thank you. Did you ever think you would write a book? I had hoped I would.

It was my dream for so much of my life. And then I just was never ready to do it. And I, I was mad that I wasn't, that I didn't have one. And you'd see these celebrity books come out by dumb people. What would you say? So the worst one that you've seen Rob Gronkowski to me,

uh, the idea that Gronk was a published author before i was and i'm not putting gronk down for that guy writes a book god bless you gronk but i should not have been watching gronk do it from the sidelines to maintain the football metaphor i was riding the pine while gronk was out on the literary field also yes um it's good though have you read the gronk book no no i can't i heard he didn't know all the letters of the alphabet he's got most of them he's got to be fair he's got most he's like there's like three he doesn't a complete handle. He does have a lot of those backwards capital R's in the book.

Yeah, there's weird point. There's the one that's like a sharp U. And then there's, it's like that, but then there's two of them. Yeah. Right? And then there's the one he just calls Target. Which we call x okay we kid but gronk gronk is a friend yeah is he really the show no no oh my god i was like what show am i on gronk is a friend i got gronk great i'm sure he's working on a show where you can get gronked i'm sure there's some there's literally no way literally no way no one has pitched him a show

called you got gronk apostrophe d yeah where he would do pranks or gronks as he calls them yeah maybe he calls them granks gronk pranks or gronks as he calls them. Granks. Maybe he calls them granks. Gronk pranks or granks. Did you guys hear about this ultimate slip and slide situation? What? That there is such a thing as a TV show that's been made just around the slip and slide? They made a TV show out of the slip and slide novels? Yes, finally. The adaptation. They cracked the the spine of that thing but they couldn't figure out how to

just get it to work and they couldn't translate it it was like infinite jest and the confederacy of dunces and slip and slides for the three that they could not figure out how to tell the story visually war and peace slip and slide the back the backyard like sliding hose game yeah sliding hose game they're making a version of it that's like the ultimate slip and slide hosted by bobby moynihan and ron funches and apparently apparently this week everybody on the set got sick and had as they said in the headline explosive diarrhea so that's the fate of this live and slide show and maybe maybe it's payback for trying to make that a show i don't know i mean it's it was it like a game show style thing yeah Yeah. Well, like, you know, what is American Ninja thing?

What is that? What do you call that? It's like a... Competition. Yeah. Competition. Reality competition. I think that's what you call that.

Yeah. Anyways, it's going to be great. We want to plug that as well. NBC's Limit's Light Show. Tom, did you ever have any kind of backyard uh hose device as a child it sounds like i had some sort of medical condition that are being polite about some backyard hose device i don't know it's slip and slide crocodile mile any of these um i believe we had a some sort of slip and slide type product uh in our backyard

at one point and i remember enjoying it uh not maybe not enough of an incline or decline for us to take full advantage of and there's nothing like getting that running start and feeling those ribs cave in as you just hit the ground hard because you're trying to get as much momentum as you can yeah i remember being entirely successful the slip and slide i feel like i went on one that had loops like a croquet you would send balls through a croquet thing and they they were maybe spraying water on top of you was this oh wow like a little water top fancy yeah yeah yeah someone grew up i'm one of the hearsts so yes that's why i can just do a podcast whenever i want i'm sure with your fancy your fancy little little additional water sprays. Yeah.

I grew up on the right side of the tracks. And my, uh, my sister, uh, had, something went wrong with the city and she, uh, at her house,

her kids had a, had a slip and slide and their first water bill they got from the city was $3,000. My God. Instead of like 80. Yeah. Just imagine that thing. It's a slip and slide.

Holding the bill. This is because of the slip and slide. I told you it was a mistake. The slip and slide. Look at this water bill. Look at this water bill. It's 6,000 times what it used to be now back to writing a book how how hard is it to write a book i imagine very hard

that's why it's certainly why i haven't written one myself but how was it for you it was the hardest i'm telling you it's hard hard to do because i write for a living yeah but when you write on a television show for example you get to use other characters and other storylines you don't have to kind of mind your own brain for things that happened to you in your actual life and i would write by the end of the day it would just feel like it would feel like every day i would wake up take a hammer smash my head with the hammer pour my brains out on the table kind of sort through it write about what it was on the table then scoop it back put it back in my head for the next day and i felt it was that it was so exhausting like at the end of the day i would be just like i'm ready for bed

yeah did you write it all in one go or did you break it up over a year no no you mean like one afternoon no no it took a long time one go what does that mean it was really hard it took a whole day yeah that was one that was a long weekend i did what you did i put on some coffee yeah we're gonna have a long night i'll put on some coffee like in every movie has that ever happened to anyone who says that somebody knocks on your door at two in the morning like i need help i'll put on some coffee come on in it's like it's never happened ever no it's never happened ever and also the thing about when pregnant uh women when they're giving delivery somebody says go rip up sheets and yeah yeah boil some water yeah they'll boil some water rip up some sheets i never got what that was about until maybe like a year ago why don't i have two children and i don't know what

that's about thank you tom do you know what that's about i would think they were more seems like something you'd do more if you were going to do like uh make some paper mache or something that's exactly what it is water you go get some sheets and i'll get some newspapers and some paste or whatever yeah we'll paste it up blow up some balloons yeah we'll blow up some balloons and then we'll make a minion to you know as a gift for the baby. Yeah. Sure. Now baby's first minion. And that'd be pretty sweet though to make a, you could make,

uh, you could make those things. What are they called? You fill them with candy and swing a bat at them. Yeah. Pinatas. You can make them. That's the easiest thing.

I never thought about how easy it would be to just make pinatas. Yeah. Used to have a balloon and newspaper and time. That's all you need to make sure you just leave a little hole to pour some Tootsie rolls into. That's right. Yeah. But no,

I did not write the book. I wrote the book over an extended period of time, but it was, there were, there were, there were concentrated periods where I was like, it's book time for the next three months. And it's every day.

There was a stretch where i would wake up right until i fell asleep and then do the same thing over and over so i could hit the deadline to get out yeah so i remember many years ago probably 10 years ago on the best show you were talking maybe you were talking about all these celebrities writing books and how you don't want you didn't want to write a book you wanted to have written a book oh that's ever that's exactly it somebody told me that a long time ago it's like nobody wants to write a book nobody enjoys writing a book everybody enjoys having had having written a book yeah so uh now that you have written a book do you enjoy it greatest thing i've ever experienced to have finished a book and to be just like yep oh where's your book oh you don't have one well i kind of do this is what you do at a literary festival that's what it'll be like

when i go to start going to attending literary events i'll be just like oh hi yeah here's my book where's yours oh you don't have one yeah i guess that's why you're waiting for me to sign my book and you're not over there sure that's why i'm on this side of the table and with a chair and you're standing on that side of the table and all the worst thing will be if somebody comes along who has written two books. Yeah. And then they'll make me feel bad. Yeah, that never ends. As your book is done. Mr. Gronkowski would like his photo with you, Tom.

Oh, please. I'll do that in a second. There was a time I was up to direct a commercial with Rob Gronkowski, and I was never so disappointed as when the job did not pan out. Right. I was like, it was a Dunkin' Donuts commercial with Rob Gronkowski. I was like,

please, Lord, let me get this commercial. I want, I will. And the, the company that represents me for these things was just like, it was a bad job. This one's a bad one.

They're like, not much money on this one. Shoot schedules. Insane. I'm just'm just like man let's keep pursuing this there's something here and the something was me getting a dumb experience the reason that they send the men to go tear up sheets and boil water is just so that they're distracted during the. Oh. They're not goofing around and hanging out in the, you know, getting in whoever's way. That's what they do. Just distract the father.

Look, I know guys have a propensity for being dumb. How dumb were guys in the past? for being dumb how dumb how dumb were guys in the past usually guy it seems like the human race on a whole seems to be getting slightly dumber yes i would say that's correct when you read letters that like slobs in civil war wrote to each other like people was like they're writing more more literate things and these are just like normal people. And I say slobs. I am a slob. So I say I could not have written one of those letters that those people are writing back in Civil War times.

Have you ever written a letter? I don't know if I have. Of course I have. What does that mean? You haven't? I don't think I have. I mean, maybe like a a card i've sent a card but i've never never did you ever write a fan letter no no nothing like that i never wrote a fan letter no because i i had the keen sense that i was like nobody's gonna read this so if i just

don't do it then i won't be heartbroken so you gotta pick the right people that's yeah that's true i thought i went through when i was like 12 i went through my cd collection and and like i owned like 30 cds and i was like okay who's got a uh who's got an address in here i can write to and i wrote letters to peter gabriel nice george thurgood and the destroyers Can we guess who you got responses from? You can guess. Peter Gabriel, no. Got a response from his assistant, Tina.

Okay. Nice. Well, to be fair, though, what was in these letters? Were you weren't saying anything? I'm a little boy. I'm 12. Okay. Isn't that cute that I'm writing you a letter?

Could I please have An autographed Photo Nice Did you get one From Peter Gabriel's Secretary No I did not

He said She said He doesn't do that But I'm Tina Thanks for writing Nice Um George Thurgood

What do you got A response You got a response No response Nothing No Really The Delaware Destroyer The Delaware Destroyer um george thurgood what do you got a response you got a response no response nothing no really the delaware destroyer did not did not write you back um i got a letter back from uh corky and the juice pigs oh yeah canadian uh comedy band and from uh vancouver band the odds Comedy band. And from Vancouver band, The Odds. Okay. Nice.

That's a pretty good record altogether that you got there. Yeah, I never thought to send a letter to somebody that I was a fan of. Like, I filled out a form to be in the Elf fan club, but that wasn't a letter exactly. All these Civil War slobs are filling out a form to join the did you pass the test did you make it were you alf fan club material or did they reject your application you know when the envelope comes back and it's a it's a light envelope that's not usually a good sign this oh he was one of my safety clubs yes tom have you ever belonged to a fan club that's a good question have i ever belonged to a fan club i believe i have i believe i belong to a uh man i know i did um i i think i think there was a monkeyskees thing I belong to.

Oh, nice. Yeah, I think Monkees is the one that pops out. Maybe some sort of Beach Boys thing, but not literally their fan club. But there was some shady rogue Beach Boys celebratory organizations. Yeah, we've been told we shouldn't not be allowed to do this but we're still going to do this yes we're the beach boy shadow operation send a self-addressed stamped envelope to squeaky from yes squeaky from running the beach boys organization they not the official one mind no no yeah exactly she kind of the family

generally burned a few bridges as far as the beach boys were concerned yeah when they sold dennis's gold records to try to start a race war uh it kind of kind of put a crimp in the uh in the relations between the manson family and the wilson family i i you know i i'm here to broker a truce between them i hope they can get back together well somewhere there in heaven up there surfing charlie carl dennis just making sweet music. That's always what they say. You know, they say like, oh, they'll be doing whatever they did on earth up in heaven. And would you or wouldn't you find like some awesome heaven thing that you can do? God, I would do nothing.

If I went to heaven, I would just watch other people do stuff. I'm tired of doing things. Yeah, me too. Let me get to work. I'm dead and I'm in heaven now me too let me get to work i'm dead and i'm in heaven now now let me get to work what really you're gonna start digging in and really nose to the grindstone yeah expression nose to the grindstone yeah yeah yeah what's that all about that sounds very damaging what are they grinding yeah why

would you put your nose against it oh yeah it sounds like a thing that you would warn people about don't put your nose your nose are away from the grindstone yeah your nose to the grindstone I've never thought about it but you're right there would be a sign at every grindstone keep one nose length away keep at least one nose length away um tom what is this book about oh well it's a memoir it's it's a funny book that is it's funny and then parts aren't funny and then there's but then it gets funny again. I kind of envisioned it as an opportunity for me to tell the story of, to tell stories for my life and kind of figure out a common thread. I could run through it and not make it so linear. And, and in a, in a, in a, what is the word I'm looking for? What is a temporal way? Is that the right word I'm looking for?

What is a temporal way? Is that the right word I'm looking for? It's not linear in that regard, but there was a through line, emotional through line. Okay. So temporal is the wrong word, I believe. Oh, these authors are going to have a field day with me when I'm at one of these things. This guy thinks he's smarter than Gonk yeah bronc but gronk knew what temporal meant temporal is of time right am i wrong with that you guys are too wrong guys no i don't know i love it

i love it when when i talk to the eggheads yeah they turned out to not know a whole lot either. Yes, relating to time. This is a smart podcast. Yeah, yeah. This isn't one of the, this isn't like a dumb guy podcast. No, no, yeah. We usually ask the guests to send us

a list of the biggest words they'll use, but temporal isn't that many letters, so I could see it slipped by. It's one of those ones where you're like okay i've seen this word and i'll just let it when i read it i let it slide yeah those words where you're just like when you're when you're about to speak and you see you have to read a thing and you're just like oh no i never said that word out loud in my entire life i'm familiar with it which one is secular and which one is non-secular yeah just like wait non-plussed again that means what now to be confused not to be unmoved by the thing i think wait am i outsmarting

myself because there's those points where you're just like, you know the thing, you're just like, nonplussed means confused. Nonplussed means confused. It doesn't mean no reaction. It means a confused reaction. And you're just like, wait, which one was it again? At the last second, your brain just like, or maybe it's the opposite. Yeah.

I have that whenever I'm trying to spell like a word that I know I can spell it, but I get halfway through the word and my brain goes, this can't be right. You're not, there's no i that i know they can spell it but i get halfway through the word my brain goes this can't be right you're not there's no way that that's how you spell prescription yeah not to do a callback uh please but a word that is incredibly hard to spell for me is diarrhea yeah yeah because there's an two r's h what where is this going d-i-a-r-r but if you trusted your brain you would get it you would nail it but then you just got that one like you say that one second where you're like well come on you're not smart enough to do this

yeah yeah and i've been like we've used spellcheck for so long that i don't even look for it anymore like i'll write an email i'm like why is that word underlined oh i spelled it wrong yeah yeah and it's auto complete now suggesting weird things i've never said in my life try to write naturally and then it tries to make it seem it says like night like some i can't even think of what it would say it's just like taste is like i've never used that phrase in my life sometimes it'd be like a string of like five words i'm like no i want to write naturally what are you doing to me spell check uh autocorrect you take it from here it's like a self-driving car just put your faith in the spell check you'll

be fine yeah and those aren't terrifying self-driving cars. Have you been to a thing in the lead-up to this book release? Have you been at any literary festivals or anything where you're hobnobbing? What do you think? I think maybe. What world do we live in? Literary festivals. Well, they could be online. You know, all these.

Look at who you're talking to. Literary. Also, things just opened up a day ago. I'm lucky if they let me into a Barnes & Noble. That's the intro. I'm not flagged at the entrance. They're my picture behind the counter. This guy can't spell diarrhea, they say.

Yeah, exactly. Hates Gronkk keep him away from the gronk books who knows what he'll do the gronk section the gronk section of the store be the great the gronk section oh yeah so no no online video festival nothing like that no nothing yet we're we're starting to do things now and it's a it's a process um or as you would say dave a process yes um uh how is the uh it's are things opening up there oh yeah no it's it's it's uh it's getting there uh things are getting a little more relaxed you can you see people walking around not close to one another without masks.

And then people seem to still be respectful enough to put their mask on when you're close, even though you could technically start arguing that. Right. And I went to the movies a couple weeks ago, which was exciting. What did you see? What did you see? Oh, I saw Cruella. Oh. Wow.

How was it? Yeah, how was it? I enjoyed it. I liked it a lot. Was it nice to just be back in a movie theater? I feel like that'll be the first thing. Once the next level of restrictions lift, I'll be heading straight to... And I'll watch anything.

I'll watch anything in that movie theater. I just want to be sitting in it. Now, where are you, Graham? Vancouver. You're also in you, Graham? Vancouver. You're also in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Yeah. And I think the neighborhood theater that I live in, the neighborhood, they're showing, I think, Fast and the Furious 9. I thought they were going to show In the Heights.

Well, I'll take whatever. Whatever they got, I'll be watching it. When you're back, you're going to feel it. You're going to feel the excitement. Smell that popcorn. You're going to believe. Smell that popcorn. The theater's been open for popcorn this whole time.

That's true. They've been doing Uber Eats popcorn. Okay. Yeah. But I guess that's kept them afloat. But I still feel like that just reveals the markup on the popcorn if that kept them afloat you know yeah we're not showing movies here anymore don't worry though we're still doing all right just ate popcorns at night

i uh i remember last summer like it feels like our numbers were better last summer than they are right now. But it feels more hopeful now in that movies are being released. Yeah. If they were releasing movies last summer, I probably would have been like, oh, yeah, it's all under control. Yeah. I don't like that there are movies or that there have been movies over this past year that have said only in theaters because that wasn't true and they still kept putting up new posters of james bond saying only in theaters why well that's

true is it it's only admitted to that only being in theaters yeah right that james bond movie they Yeah. Right. That James Bond movie. They pushed for over a year. They've pushed that. Yeah. And like, uh, Top Gun, the new Top Gun is only in theaters after, like it was supposed to come out last year. Everything else.

They were like, you know, VOD. Yeah. We've had a year to reflect on the fact that there is a new Top Gun movie and it's who wanted it. Why is it exist? Um, will it be a hit because it feels like who

who's that for that movie i have no idea right that is all that just seems like the most perplexing thing that it's like they make these movies sometimes and it feels like they could just go ask a few people where they're just like like that movie battleship that came out like where they're just like we're gonna make battleship into a movie and then everybody's like well that sounds stupid and then they're like no no it's gonna be cool we're gonna get rihanna she's gonna be yeah we get all your rihanna's in it was she gonna be dancing around because no she's stuck behind a console she's monitoring the battleship she's wearing a headset i remember in the trailer she pushes a button and

says boom yeah liam neeson's in it oh wow okay you guys are you guys want to see that no and then but then they're like yeah we're gonna make it anyway yeah you don't want to see it we already have nobody cares when it comes out and then they're like, yeah, we're going to make it anyway. You don't want to see it. We already have the boat. Nobody cares when it comes out. And then they're like, why did nobody like Battleship? It was like, you could ask 15 people would have saved you $150 million. Liam Neeson's in it. He plays Brian Adleship.

Pretty good. Now I'm actually would see Battleship if that was the case yeah if it was super clever or if it was about the board game well the uh the new uh mission impossible i just heard that was shut down for a covet exposure and didn't they like wasn't six months ago weren't they still shooting it and tom cruise was freaking out about a covet exposure yeah i've been going for a while this mission impossible seven they got to get this one in the can i think they're doing seven and eight together and maybe maybe just maybe and maybe loosely they're doing seven and eight but yeah um yeah i look i love those mission impossible movies the uh last one was the

one where they jumped out of a plane right with uh they jumped out of plane all yeah oh yeah okay it doesn't narrow it up what's the one with the secrets no they did jump out there's a sequence where they where him and uh what's his face superman jumped out of a plane and then they got hit by lightning as they were plummeting down that's right i'll say this the mission impossible franchise no joke first movie it's all right directed by brian de palma right second movie john woo really not very good but from that third movie on it is a franchise that gets better with each movie i am not joking they are like the best made action movies that have ever been made. And they've kind of run James Bond movies out of business in a certain way.

I was wondering about that. Yeah. Like, why do people, I guess they're just, they're going to make money either way. They've put out a James Bond movie, probably all the same studio or something. That's like a worldwide thing too. Also James Bond movies is just, they're're just gonna do what they do worldwide because it just is a thing now yeah i watch james bond movies just for the product shots yeah i like knowing car it's always been one of my favorite things is that they you know this is the watch james bond wears

and he's a fictional character he doesn't wear anything he's not this is the watch James Bond wears and he's a fictional character. He doesn't wear anything. He's not. This is the car that James Bond rents. Yeah. The car. It's just like, wait, he drives the car.

I could afford. Are you sure about that? Like I could, I may be not easy for me to afford, but I could swing it. Potentially I could lease it. Maybe the terms might not be great but i could get behind the wheel of one of those things he's just got oh he's he's got a year

of free serious xm radio yes well he got the serious xm thrown in and not the full package so he's not getting the all the games, but he's listening to raw dog comedy. He's got raw dog comedy. He's got Ozzy's Boneyard. Yeah, sure. He's got Tom Petty Radio. Tom Petty Radio. Pearl Jam Radio.

Pearl Jam Radio. Oh, New Stone Gossard. New Stone Gossard album out, says James Bond. Yeah. Driving around listening. James Bond. Listening to the 80s on 8. 70s on James Bond. Listening to the 80s on 8. 70s on 7.

No, it's 80s on 8. You got it. It is 80s on 8. I was thinking of the Beatles, 8 Days a Week, where they count down 8 Beatles songs. These 8 are the top 8 songs where Paul played percussion. The dumbest thing they do on these gimmicks on that and the elvis station to try to keep you like feeling like there's some sort of like this is not a closed circle right like the story has not been told already for these artists like the elvis you like i went to graceland because you

i'll listen to the elvis station sometimes and you went to graceland well i've been to graceland a couple times really but but if you listen to the elvis series xm station you're like we're down here at uh graceland we're doing the elvis uh we're broadcasting from graceland it's so exciting you hear people like i love elvis and they're like then you go to graceland and you see where they're broadcasting from. And it's basically a phone booth. And it's like a phone booth, like next to a gift shop.

That's half like that's half abandoned. And you're like, yikes. That's where the thing is. It's definitely the whole theater of the mind coming into play where you picture one thing and then you see the reality. But I've been to Graceland three times. And like, did you bring a different person all three times? Or was this a solo venture?

Because, you know, like if you see a movie you really like, you like cajole your friends to come see it. Yes, it was all different people. Yes. The most recent time I went to uh my mother had never gone to uh graceland and you know my father the my mother and father always wanted to go that my father passed away so it's not going to happen uh for she was not going to go by herself or put a trip together so i was like look why don't we go to we'll go to nashville she wanted to see nashville so we're like we'll go to nashville yeah and then we'll drive to memphis one more we'll get up early one morning take the three

hour drive to memphis and we'll see graceland and yeah it was a special it was a pretty special trip get to spend the like four days with my mother like that it was amazing yeah it was um and you get to talk to a parent as as an adult and not just their child there's a very if you can get to that point it's a very special place to get to yeah i think it's also fun to learn that they're uh humans like outside of being your parents that they're like humans that were just gambling on the fact that maybe they could raise a child and that it's all uh make it up as you go as long as i'm one page ahead of the kids it'll be fine but it's nice right it's nice to 100 did she tell you anything that that you 100 did not know um yeah there was some stuff with my mother i did the same thing with my father a few months

before he died and it was nice to get uh to talk to him about uh some of the stuff when he was growing up that i kind of wondered about where he was like he was like you know we used to he was like big into cars and kind of just like i mean not racing wasn't like they were trading pink slips and you'd lose your car and then they would race out on the highway and in new jersey and he was like you know we would always do like wednesday night and i was like well why wednesday night he's like well it's funny because we we figured out that wednesday night was the night that the was like night the night that court was open passed like to handle people who couldn't do do small courts business in um it's a night that all the cops had to be there to testify

against to say like well i pulled this person over and they were intoxicated and like the so the cops all had to be at court so he's just like yeah the cops weren't on the road so that's the night we would race that's amazing i was like that's the most amazing thing i ever heard why am i learning this now like things like that that this goes it's somebody in the group figured that out and said we've got i found the golden key 100 yeah and it's um but that's the type of stuff if you can get those stories from your parents you should as an adult you should do it yeah absolutely i've sometimes i don't know what to ask i don't know what like you know i'm not sure what question to ask my dad about whatever

he's done whatever he's done in a good way or bad way um sure let's figure a question out now you can ask him let's yeah yeah okay something you'd want yeah what's your dad's deal yeah well he he's a runner he's he runs all the time he's been always been he always has been but even as a young man not as a young man so i don't know when when this was picked up i think maybe in his 20s and then oh there's a good question uh did he play team sports or anything before that played football in high school so okay uh three down football canadian football canadian football cfl yeah was he in the cfl everybody gets a turn in the cf

play for the argonaut the argos do you play for the argos i feel like you need to ask your dad what are you running from you need to say dad you run toward things obviously but what are you running from and then what if he just goes it's a long story yeah it was one night we saw a drifter had a bag of money then we had a tontine we all decided the last one to survive got the money and then you're like oh boy oh boy i was not look i just wanted to know if you were just trying to get in shape that's why you were running like i didn't want to know you killed a drifter my brothers and i were thinking of getting you a new pair of shoes for father's day i realize you're you're killing off all your friends so you can get the tontine.

Yeah, that's okay. I'll ask. I'll ask, what are you running away from? That'll be my starting questions, and then it'll all flow from there, right? My favorite thing my dad told me was about, uh, about his childhood was that he used to love growing up poor in like rural British Columbia. He used to love, um, corn syrup sandwiches. Wow. And you would dip them in milk and the corn syrup would get all hard and crispy. Wait, I'm having a hard time picturing this.

Corn syrup. hard and crispy wait i'm having a hard time picturing this corn syrup so the the we go gooey the gooey clear like instead of jam you would have okay a corn syrup sandwich and you would dip it dip like maybe it wasn't even a whole maybe it was just one piece of bread that you folded up like a taco but tacos hadn't been invented yet yes uh and they had been invented i'm gonna say to be fair they may not have arrived in vancouver yet i think they were on the planet okay i mean when when your dad was a youngster i'm gonna say i have sort of those did exist i sort of have a dad centric uh historical perspective sure no i no, I understand that. Do you still believe that your dad could beat up other

dads? Yeah, other people's dads. What have you held onto that? Your dad's all just like, Dad, I got a good news, bad news thing. Good news is, I still think you're the toughest person alive. Still think you're the strongest person on Earth. Bad news is, you kind of

gotta go fight this guy's dad. This 38-year-old dad. Yeah, this guy. I got in an argument with a 10-year-old. Yeah. My brothers used to play lacrosse, and on several occasions, two dads fought each other.

And I could see the look in the kid's eye that the one that his father was losing, just that was a big, that was a pivotal moment in his life, right? But I also feel like it wouldn't feel great to see your dad win a fight. No, that wouldn't feel great either, but of the two options. Oh, my God. It's not even a thing. If you watch your dad win a fight versus watch your dad lose a fight no that wouldn't feel great either but up to two options oh my god it's not even it's not even a thing if you watch your dad win a fight versus watching to lose a fight you want to watch your dad win though you might not love it that he you watch your dad fight in any capacity you have to pants that other day yeah exactly but to have to be just like or what would you rather say dad did you have to pants that other dad or dad i'm sorry you got pantsed by that other dad.

The kid has to console the dad. Yeah. It's the worst thing imaginable. Well, because they were probably fighting because of the way you were playing lacrosse. Yeah. Unlike on numerous occasions, they would cuss out the teen ref, and then they'd be ejected from the game, and then maybe the teen ref's dad would come over and

give give the guy the what for the ref brought his dad too yeah i think because it was just a kid ref so hey you know a kid ref yeah hold on what kid ref is bad not an adult ref no like a kid ref and the kid ref's dad would get in a fight with that. But I, like when I, I, I refed hockey, uh, when I was 13,

but I was only reffing six year olds. So that makes sense. It's toy. You're twice their age. Yeah. But like, how old was this kid? I remember as a high school,

I'm like playing soccer as a high school or the ref would be like 18, 19. Yeah. I feel like, but his dad wouldn't be there yes his dad wasn't there ready to take care of business yeah it's it's a weird i don't know i guess it was weird i didn't i didn't think it was weird at the time that the ref was roughly the same age as the players because that's what happens in pro sports right there's not super young or old ref there yeah but i would say in sport well first of all sports that the rest can still be twice the age of the players right yeah very you could have a we have a ref in his 60s oh what easily in the nba

yeah uh that's true um who's the guy in the 60s there's old refs yeah who's your favorite ref tom Who's the guy in the 60s? There's old refs. Yeah. Who's your favorite ref, Tom? I have no favorite ref. I hate refs. I hate.

I don't root for. I don't watch sports for the refs. I don't watch. You don't. You don't. I don't. But there are some people in our society, some rule loving people who they seem to. They seem to secretly like the refs more than the athletes. Yeah.

And. Or the coaches more than the athletes. Yeah. And they. Yeah. I mean, I think if you watch college sports, secretly like the refs more than the athletes. Yeah. Or the coaches more than the athletes. Yeah. I mean, I think if you watch college sports, you love coaches. Well, that's why I hate college sports. College sports are... Why is this a controversy? Here we go.

No, no, no. We live in Canada. We don't have college. You don't have... Yeah. We don't have colleges. McGill. You have McGill.

Yeah, McGill. Good. Yeah. We have't have college. We don't have colleges. McGill. You have McGill. Yeah, McGill. Good. Yeah. We have one big college. And everybody goes to McGill. Yeah. Everybody in the entire country goes to McGill. Yeah.

And you have to opt out. If you don't want to go, you have to. Yeah. But you always get that fat envelope. Well, you know, everybody gets accepted to McGill. It's in our constitution. I did a fair amount of walking around the McGill campus in Toronto. Beautiful.

Oh, it's in Montreal. Oh, wait, no, wait, wait, hold on. I did walk around. I worked on a job in Montreal. I walked around McGill in Montreal. Yes. What's the college in Toronto that I walked around? There's a few, but University of Toronto is probably the. That's probably what in Montreal. Yes. What's the college in Toronto that I was a few, but a university of Toronto is probably the,

that's probably what it was. Yes. I know I walked, I walked around both, but McGill was when I was working in Montreal. You're right. What were you, what were you doing in,

in, in Montreal and Toronto? I'm trying to write for Toronto or Montreal. I was trying to, I was, I got hired to work on an animated movie that, uh, spoiler alert alert did not get made so the spoiler is that i go to the theater and it's on the marquee and then i go in the theater

and there's no actual movie spoiler we only made posters you go in and you sit in the theater and then we sent tom to mcgill or it's just a videotaped explanation of look there is no movie we never got around to making it but we got some other movies in toronto oh toronto i was working on uh what we do in the shadows oh cool that's a really fun which filmed in toronto oh toronto i was working on uh what we do in the shadows oh cool that's a really fun which filmed in toronto for the first season and uh so i was there for about four months yeah that was fun yeah is it uh was it freezing cold when you were there or was it okay fun yeah it was fun it's uh one thing you don't realize is when you work on a show that shoots in uh october november and december and it's a vampire show fun thing is that

every scene is outside has to be at night it's a little fun thing nobody factored in when they picked where the show was going to be shot also i feel like uh vampires their breath wouldn't be visible when uh in the cold there another fun another fun thing you just picked up on that that's gonna have to be digitally removed man because vampires aren't supposed to have that breath yeah that's uh i don't know all the rules of vampires but i know it was so well thought out um dave what's going on with you man what's going on with you, man? What's going on with me this week? Well, not a heck of a lot. Uh, I, I just, we, so things are starting to open up here and we just went away for

the weekend, uh, to visit, um, uh, Abby's parents, my wife's parents, uh, on Gabriola Island. We, we took a ferry boat over and, uh, we and uh we haven't the kids haven't seen their grandparents in eight months yeah so this was a great trip they asked them all about uh racing for pinks yeah they asked them all about any you know old-timey stuff that mean what does racing for pinks mean yeah first you have to teach them what that means yeah okay uh it's when you drag race to see who gets the oh yeah okay you're talking you're throwing my own thing back in my yeah i've thrown your thing back i did i never i didn't but to be fair i didn't say race into

pinks i know there's a reason i didn't know what that meant, because I didn't have some cool catchphrase for it like you did. But we had a nice weekend, took the kids out on little kayaks. But on the ferry boat back, there's like a cafeteria on the ferry. And you go and you wait in line. And ahead of me in line, uh, I, I had to go like all the, we all waited and all the whole family waited in the car and I went up to get

the food and I was waiting in line at the cafeteria and there was a mother and her 10 year old son in front of me. And he, the, he had like a, a water bottle in his hand, uh, like an Evian bottle, bottle, Nestle, whatever.

Yeah, Nestle who will soon own all the water and then. He was doing the thing where you flip the bottle. Oh, yeah. And you have like half a water bottle and you throw it up in the air and see if it lands upright. Have you seen this before, Tom? Sure. lands upright have you seen this before tom sure i've seen i've seen the water bottle challenge that people throw the bottle hopefully it's the land flat yeah on its base yeah and so he did it like three or four times uh in front of me in line and then his mother i saw his mother react

and i was like okay she's gonna notice this is annoying. And she's going to be like, okay, cut that out. And she's like, give me the water bottle. And she starts flipping it. And in my mind, yeah, I'm like, oh, that's cool. Like, you know, she went against what I thought she was going to do. She's like encouraging him. She's trying to have fun with him. That's great.

And then we were in line for so long and i like turned on myself in the middle of them doing this i was like well you gotta stop doing this at a certain point it's so annoying yeah seeing them do it once or twice it's you know you're kind of rooting for them to land it but hearing a water bottle hit the ground 200 times oh my god yeah uh that was uh that was that was my the most memorable part of the weekend was like how am i am i allowed to tell these people that this sucks yeah that's a good question because they're now they're a team of people who suck. It's not just the kid. Yeah.

And she was like, she's younger than me. Her dad could probably beat me up. There's only one way to find out. That's right. Challenge them. Excuse me, miss? Is your father on the boat? Yeah.

Could you tell him to please meet me on the top deck? One of us is going in. Yeah. Could you tell him to please meet me on the top deck? He's not sure. One of us is going in. Little fashion boat fight. I don't think I had parents like that who would participate in my shenanigans. No. Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I don't think.

I had siblings for that. Everything was shenanigans because I had two brothers. So everything all the time was shenanigans. And my dad did not stand for it. So we just waited until he wasn't around and then partook in the shenanigans. I know your parents, Graham, they seem very even keeled. Were they... But the way you described the three brothers growing up,

were they always like... Were you always one thread away from disaster yes yeah always constantly we would wrestle all the time and then we'd break something and then we get in trouble and then the very next day we'd be back to wrestling we never learned our lessons and uh and still to this day whenever i get around around the weed, we don't wrestle, but we do a lot of trying to make each other flinch. Do some flinch punches. A lot of, why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself if you do that?

Is there a lot of that going on in your house? Yeah, exactly. You own a house. You own the house I'm in, and I'm slapping you with your own hand. Tom, did you grow up with siblings? I have a younger sister yes and uh yeah we got we get along there was no not a whole lot of uh violence in the home in the home that's nice yeah it was nice we were we were very uh we got along well yeah what was the slip and slide if I did it

she did it I'm sure we would have done that together there would not have been a we would have shared that experience when did bottle flipping become a thing did we like that was not a thing when I was a kid and it's so

simple although I guess we didn't have bottled water that's the whole thing but also like back in the old days they would have a paddle ball and that's what interested everybody it was a paddle ball yeah for me it was a hoop hoop and stick i was a big hoop and stick sure you run down the street with the hoop keep the keep that that that hoop that stick in the yeah keep that hoop a hoop spinning it's tough on those cobblestones that's tough as you know that's it's really hard when you go to old montreal that's not good hoop and stick uh territory but it's a challenge that's what i appreciated about

accepted yeah so yeah that's me i went on a boat yeah it was great uh the grandparents now have a uh hot tub so the kids now just want to be there all the time yeah because hot tub is the best thing in the world when you're a kid and are you guys all afraid i'm gonna stop you just for one second uh yeah go ahead hot tub is the best thing for a kid the kids love it pool is the best thing for a kid oh yeah i feel like kids can't properly appreciate a hot tub because they're like oh you got some sore muscles what's on? Got to get a little bit of comfort at the end of a hard day. Got a bad neck. You're a nine-year-old.

You got all the stress you're carrying. You're just covered in wrinkles. Yeah, that's what a hot tub is for. Hot tub is for broken-down adults. My kids are always like, Dad, can we go to the sauna? Can we schvitz? Yeah, can we schvitz? Dad, can we go to physio?

Can we just get a schvitz? And then we get beat with some palm fronds. It's like, look, as a kid, a hot tub would have been a novelty to get into, but it's like you're just in a hot pool as a kid, a hot tub would have been a novelty to get into, but it's like, you're just in a hot pool as a kid. But one that you can fill up your bathing trunks with air and then they float up to the surface. That is true. That's like when you're a kid, a hot tub is so big. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. You can't even touch the ground. It's like a small above ground pool. Mm-hmm. Yeah. With like jets even touch the ground. It's like a small above ground pool. Mm-hmm. Yeah. With like jets. With jets and lights. Yeah.

Oh, we don't have the lights. I mean, bedtime's pretty early around here. Maybe they do have the lights. I just didn't figure it out. What? Hot tub lights? Yeah. Like inside of the hot tub or lights that are illuminating the hot tub so you can get in? Inside the hot tub. You don't have lights above the hot tub lights yeah like inside of the hot tub or lights that are illuminating the hot

tub so you can get inside the hot tub you don't have lights above the hot tub they'll fall down in final destination style yeah you don't want that to happen there's a basic light in the base of the hot tub so you see what's going on i'm not that familiar with hot tubs i admit but when i was the last time you went in a hot tub, Graham? I don't know. Like probably 10 years ago or something like that. Oh, man. It didn't hold up to my experience of it as a kid.

I thought it was great when I was a kid. So you were a hot tub enthusiast as a child. That's right. And you've lost interest in it as an adult. Yes. You're an outlier in regard to this graham i just have to say generally i think as you get older you appreciate a hot tub more and uh and so that to me is a little unique but like the jets of a hot tub thank you thank you do the jets of a hot tub really soothe your muscles?

Or is it just the heat that does it? A little bit of both. The jets of a hot tub are like a massage chair. A massage chair makes promises that it doesn't really deliver. Yeah. This hurts, so it must be doing good. But I think if you own a massage chair

and you're in that thing every day, then you get some results. That's right. You can't just use it for... If you're just a piker, just a tourist swinging by somebody else's massage chair. Yeah, I just rent. You just rent. I'm renting, duh. You got to get that massage chair James Bond had in the most recent...

We're getting to that point where he would have James Bond had in the most recent. We're getting to that point where he would have a massage chair in the next movie. He'll be eating at Burger King. Yeah. Things that are attainable for people. After he's been beaten up by a henchman. Oh, I got to sit in my lazy boy. Oh, that's been a bad day at the office.

The two henchmen got to me and I took away my gun. Yeah. So yeah, that was, I had a great weekend. Hot tubs all around. Hot tubs and bottle flipping. Uh, what's,

what's new with you, Graham? Um, well, uh, during the, the year of the pandemic, I've,

I've suddenly I've gotten into horror movies, which I totally wasn't before. Okay. And now I've made room in my life for horror films and so i got like classes classic ones to catch up on and whatever's new i watch i got a subscription to shutter so i can watch uh new crazy uh fantastic you've you were films i remember you got a free month of shutter and you kept it no i got like i missed it so it wasn't that i kept it right away it's like i don't need this anymore but then i was jonesing for it oh yeah and uh so i watched

this weekend i've never watched them before the conjuring films have either you guys seen the conjuring about the subject i want to talk about yeah conjuring conjuring 2 annabelle annabelle comes home what uh era what era are these movies the what era yeah what era aren't they from that's right well i guess either answer is fine now they cover a fair amount of ground uh the you have uh first conjuring movies what 70s yeah early 70s takes place early 70s i remember thinking that uh the lead uh patrick wilson uh okay is vera farmiga in these she is yeah and his sideburns in that movie were obviously fake sideburns and it really bothered me every time it was on camera but but was was there an original conjuring made in the 70s no okay no they take they they're it's a period piece okay yeah so

these were these are patrick wilson and beyond yeah yeah and so it's based on these the whole there's a whole universe now from these conjuring films there's sequels and then also annabelle which was a doll that uh came to life yeah and then there was the nun which uh was uh scary and then there was another one that i can't remember what curse of la lorna that's it yes yes say it again the curse of la lorna which i have not okay things i have not seen conjuring three the devil made me do it which is out in theaters now yeah i just watched it and it is not fun that's what i heard i heard not so hot yeah first two conjuring movies though i love them what's the deal almost

it's kind of like a suspense is it a jump scare jump scares it's a thriller kind of thing and it's about this they they say off the top that this is based on a true story so that's uh so it's freaky all of a sudden it's more it's more scary that they've said that and also i think think like ah they're they're taking me for an idiot this is not a true story and then i found out like going on the internet after the first one the couple in it really were a ghost busting couple that would travel all over the states and help people with their their ghost problems and yeah that but did you know that going into the movies i knew that there was that these were based on real people um right there's uh because they basically are fighting these things and and and the wife as a husband and wife duo she has some um some some she has

the the gift i guess is what you would call it that she has some sort of psychic by the way that's a deal breaker men if you're if your wife uh the gift, has a second ghostbusting gift, deal breaker. Yeah. Get out. Yeah. But then they catch, like, they kind of have all these artifacts in their house. And there's a great moment where, like, they have this one, like, their office. And it has in it a case that says, don't open.

And it's got Annabelle in it. Yeah. It's like, don't open and it's got annabelle in it yeah it's like don't open that's really that's that's what that's how you're gonna you have an open glass case we can all look in to see annabelle and it just says don't open this because i'm like literally in one of the movies some babysitter's friend goes in and opens it now you've seen the annabelle films yes i have there's multiple annabelle's it's annabelle there's annabelle comes home yeah isn't there three is there three annabelle i think there might be a third one i'm not remembering the name of um so at any point is that is that toy not terrifying is it like is there any point when that's a regular doll that somebody would bring it to their house or does it always look spooky it's always pretty spooky and do you know what

annabelle was based on in real life is a raggedy and raggedy and yes yeah real life it was a raggedy and all but they could not it's funny that people that would not allow them to turn raggedy and into a demon doll someone still owns the rights to raggedy ann yeah yeah some sock company we got if they got mickey mouse locked up they got raggedy and locked up does anyone own the right to that sock monkey it's just generic sock they own the sock monkey but paul uh paul frank is that what it's called oh sure he's the one who bought it up yeah yeah um so i haven't seen the annabelle you can't just go running those sock monkeys off in your cellar i'll shut you down if if there was a glass case with a sock monkey in it and it said do not open

i would immediately open it because this is what's going to be bad about this is it when you say glass case i'm picturing that i'm like i have to it's got like one of those break in case of emergency hammers almost that yeah it's like your kind of case you'd put uh a trophy in like it's like an oversized trophy case oh yeah oh i have a bunch of those yeah so uh apparently that that was also a real thing. That was like a place that people could take a tour of and see all their haunted knickknacks. This real couple had a real museum in their house. Yes. Cool.

All the artifacts they gathered from across the globe that were possessed and whatnot. from across the globe that were possessed and, and whatnot. Yeah. I just, for me and Graham, you'll understand this as the thing I'd be, it's like, it's one thing to have Annabelle in your house.

If you're going to have Annabelle in your house, get rid of the rocking chairs, the weird rocking chairs. Annabelle seems to like to sit in them a fair amount. Suddenly it's going, and you look at Annabelle seems to like to sit in them a fair amount suddenly it's going and you look and annabelle's in it you look again and she's gone yeah yeah that chair is going her big move it's disappearing and then leaving a note is that her whole because that's what usually with building blocks i'm sort of like to take a building block you're right dead or whatever uh with the child's

child toys yeah yeah you're next something like that you're next yeah yeah i'm do you want to know it's a fun uh a fun two movie franchise you might like if you're getting into did you watch happy death day i did so i saw it uh and it was great. No, I saw the sequel. Actually, I didn't see the first day to you. You should watch. Well, come on. Well, it's going to get on you. It would be like if you told me, you know, this is if you told me I watch

Back to the Future 2, but I watched the Back to the Future yet. But like Happy Death Day to you only makes sense. If you watch Happy Death Day day it's threaded through the same but it's like it's literally back to the future too and back to the future one is back to the future too the most you need to have seen the first one to get it until happy death day to you yes yeah but see i thought the name of the movie was just Happy Death Day to You. I didn't know that it was the secret. Oh, I gotcha. Okay.

It looks like a Prince song. Yes. But yeah, I saw the second one and it ruled. It was really fun. And they're PG-13, which is crazy. Are they really? Yes. Isn't that funny?

Like a PG-13 horror movie? Well, apparently the first Conjuring was it did have a pg-13 rating but then it was too scary to be pg-13 so they made it an r but it wasn't because of any gore or anything no it's it's all it's all mental uh terror yeah and i feel like that should be pg or lower the mental terror doesn't need to i didn't know these movies were connected the the annabelle and the conjuring and the nun one yeah yes uh but now looking them up they haven't they've released a movie every year except since 2013 they've released at least one of these movies every year except 2020 wow in 2015 and these things make money like you would not believe you look

at the thing that costs like it's a nun it's like oh they made 300 million dollars globally you're like wow how patrick wilson will work for scale he's also a very weird aspect in the nun where Vera Farmiga's sister, who is 20 years younger than her, plays a nun in the movie and is not playing a younger version of herself. It takes place 20 years before her character was in the 70s. It takes place in the 50s. It's a different person that looks exactly like her. You can't understand what it is. Yeah.

It's like Ice Cube's son playing Ice Cube in the NWA movie. But what if there was no, but what if, to just follow that through, suddenly he's like, oh no, there's no connection between him playing his son. He's playing a different guy.

He's playing one of the other members of the family. Yeah, exactly. Have you seen all of these tom except for the aforementioned curse of la lorna yeah oh you haven't seen a little i didn't see la lorna everybody says it sucks and the devil made me do it yeah devil made me do it i don't have a chance yet now but it's uh yeah i won't spoil anything but it it definitely their thing should be ghosts. They're good at doing ghost stuff. They're not as skilled with the

devil stuff. I think ghosts is where they should have stayed instead of going devil. I'm willing to be proved wrong. Maybe that's just a niche opinion. Do you have any other recommendations for horror films because it's a happy death day and happy death day to you i recommend um

and then i don't know the exorcist did you see that one is that on shutter i don't know that it is have you seen it have you seen it yeah yeah you're scared to see it aren't you i am scared to see which one you're scared to see oh there's gonna be one in your mind that you know you're not ready for yet um there was a stephen king movie from the 80s what's that maximum maximum overdrive. Thinner. No, it was one call. I think it was called Monkey Shines. And the image of that monkey that does the symbols, that's the thing.

And it's scary. And I would still be scared to watch it to this day. Okay. Because it would ruin cute monkeys for me. Do you understand? Sure. Yeah, I know. It's tough. You've got all those monkeys at home. You you understand? Sure. Yeah, I know. It's tough. You've got all those monkeys at home.

You don't want monkeys ruined for you? Yeah. No. I want to be part of their fan club. Thinner. Thinner. Thinner. Thinner.

Like, okay. Oh, I'm going to get thinner? What? Really a problem? You're going to make me thinner. Okay. Well, he ends up being pretty thin. But, you know, she just says thinner.

She doesn't say so thin. Yeah. She doesn't say thinness. Thinness would be what I'd be scared of. Yeah. But like just a little bit of weight? I'm scared. Who couldn't?

Yeah, that's a blessing, not a curse. Yeah. Should we move on to some overheards sure how about a bit of business first oh sure hey jumbo listeners we interrupt this now dave doesn't mean you're jumbo listeners you mean they're well they're not big jumbo listeners how what is that supposed to mean like jumbo the elephant the jumbo jumbo shrimp they're you know they're not that no they're i think they're uh they're all different sorts of uh size oh you think we at large you think i'm referring to their sizes yes yeah no i just mean they listen to jumbos. Oh, that's right. Okay. I got confused. Juicy jumbos.

Jumbo shrimp. Hey, do you know jumbo shrimp? Hey, do you know something about jumbo shrimp? Do I want to know something or do I know something? Yeah, either way. I want to know something. It's an oxymoron. Yes.

Yes. Do you remember the first oxymoron you learned? Do you remember when you learned the term? First of all, the term is hilarious. I think that it was probably jumbo shrimp. Yeah. I remember at the time I was like 10 when we learned that word and someone like my teacher was like, or military intelligence. That's right.

Or military intelligence. That's right. And I think that was more confusing than anything because the opposite of military is like, I don't know. Yeah. Peace. Peace time. I don't know. Private citizen.

Yeah. Anyway, we got a jumbo. Hey, jumbo listeners. We've got a jumbo for you. Yeah. This is for, not just just anybody it's for a very specific person it's for john serkowitz and who's it from it's from tommy and ben and julie and amber uh they want to say happy father's day to the best dad ever how does that feel dave oh um i i don't take any pride in my fatherhood like i i don't do it i don't do this for the the the awards i'm not in this for like

a pappy a pappy award yeah i don't want to win i'm not you know i'm i'm in it for the love of the kids i i don't care if i'm recognized by the Academy or by John Serkowitz's family who say Happy Father's Day to the best dad ever. We overheard that you are super. Yeah, and yeah, have a nice relaxing Father's Day. Yeah, I didn't actually have an overheard this week, but now I can use that one. That's right. Served up. I overheard that week uh but now i can use that one that's right sir that john cirkowitz is super he's a super dad uh now if you anyone out there would like a jumbotron message on the show

head over to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron we love to do it and every time we do it all of our listeners become jumbo listeners. No! It's true. Back to the show? Yeah, funky. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott.

And we're the hosts of Round Springfield. Round Springfield is a Simpsons adjacent podcast where we talk to Simpsons folks about non-Simpsons things. That's right. So in the past, we've gotten to talk to legendary showrunners and writers like Al Jean, Bill Oakley, Josh Weinstein, Dana Gould, Mike Reese, and David X. Cohen. Voice actors like Maurice LaMarche, Maggie Roswell, and Yardley Smith. The voice of Lisa Simpson herself. Hell yeah. So we've been away securing guests for our final five episodes.

We won't tell you everybody, but we'll let you know that the last episode is kind of a big deal. We got Matt Groening. Homer's dad. We got Homer's dad. Check out new episodes of Round Springfield starting June 21st. On Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Smell you later.

Overheard. Overheard's a segment where we're all reporting everything we hear out there in the world to you. And we always like to start with the guest. Tom, would you please uh i went to a uh to a uh uh the the rose bowl in pasadena california has a once a month they have a a uh like a flea market type thing and i went to that and and we were walking through the parking lot and there was a guy, a dad, yelling at a child. And he had the kid pulled aside in the parking lot next to the car away from the rest of the family.

And he goes to his son. He's like, I'm so tired of this immaturity from you. He goes, you're nine years old. Why are you going to stop acting like a two-year-old? And I was like, that's the most upsetting thing I ever saw in my life. Was he crying for his bottle? I'm trying to think of what two year old. Soiling himself.

It's like you just ruined this kid right now. Yeah, that's true. Like you've said. You're nine years old. Imagine putting that pressure. You're nine years old. You thought back to like a two year old. I remember on a bus, uh, I saw a woman on the bus with her kid,

and the kid was throwing a fit, and somebody that just happened to be on the bus, that looked eccentric, just went up to the baby and said, this is what you sound like. And the baby responded very well to it. I mean, a kid, you could go up to any kid and tell them they were one year younger and they would, it would absolutely be more than enough dressing down. Tell a nine-year-old, you're acting like an eight-year-old.

I'm sorry, sir. I'll straighten up and fly right. Two. But they'll go all the way to two. Yes, I remember you as a two-year-old and I hated you. You suck. You suck. Yeah. You sucked as a two-year-old and i hated you and uh yeah no you suck you suck yeah you sucked as a two-year-old but also like what nine-year-old likes being at a flea market yeah that's true although yeah there's some like weird you know cast off stuff that i was obsessed with

when i would go to the flea market as a kid like i bought a thing that was a calendar that you could use and on any month but it was just a calendar you flip the days by pressing a button i thought that was the greatest goddamn thing and then internet came along and i was like oh this is stupid why did i why did i waste my time with us well you still need a calendar you need a paper calendar graham you need to use something to look at yeah that's true tom do you have a paper calendar i do yes i have a paper calendar uh tacked to a door that i look at every day nice oh well there you go do you gram there is a paper calendar in my apartment yes do you use it no okay i have two i am two that are in use okay

one in this office okay and then And then one, a family one. A family one. Okay. Nice. So we're like, you got it. Graham, you got to get involved. You got to get, you got to. It's time.

It's time. Yeah. Yeah. Get your hands dirty. I've been avoiding it all my life. You've got the calendar. Yeah. Use it.

Using it. Yeah. Those boxes are just empty. You fill them with your ideas. Yeah. it yeah those boxes are just empty you fill them with your ideas yeah we're not telling you to go down to exclaim and buy a calendar right right we're not telling you to go to exclaim.ca log in and go to exclaim.ca the independent music newspaper wait what is an exclaim what's the book chain oh indigo indigo but what is exclaim why am i getting exclaim is like uh like our uh like a

national indie music newspaper okay well i'm not telling you to go to indigo yeah pay 45 dollars ca for a calendar you ever look at a book when you go a thing and uh and i'm not again i'm not saying book because i have a book out uh on july 6th called Ends, a memoir with nice memories, put out through Abrams Publishing, tomwroteabook.com. Do you ever look at the back of a thing you're looking to buy and you're just like, man, it's only $26

in the United States? Yes. $39 here? Yeah. Especially if you're ordering something through eBay or something, the price will be in American first of all, and then also international shipping. So you always

end up paying double what you got. Yeah, we're getting boned on your memoir Tom. Well, look, you still got you have so many things in Vancouver. You have Nardwar. Yeah yeah we have an ardois yeah what else do you have who's the greatest musical artist from vancouver of all time in your opinion dan behar dan behar is a destroyer sure uh various members of uh new pornographers

sure right but in the scheme of things, do you consider Destroyer to be the top of the pyramid? I do. I think the guy that was Thor, the guy that could bend rebar around his neck, I think he maybe started out here.

Sure, Thor was very powerful front man who was kind of like a muscle man singing for these songs. Yeah. And he was. He didn't want to give it up to be a singer. So he just said, I'll do both. There's a great video of him on the Merv Griffin show. Really?

Doing a cover of the Suites action. Yes. It's very exciting. How's Merv Griffin taking it? Oh, do you think he's that's right yeah i mean how did he take it then no no no you know your answer he enjoyed he enjoyed it then and he's no longer with us now he's no longer with us yeah no you're saying you think destroyer is better than michael buble i'm gonna say in terms of canadian music this is the pecking order oh god number one here it comes number one one and one a neil young joni mitchell right sure coin flip for which one you want to say is number one

fine yeah but he's he's from ontario he's not he's not a he's not british he's from saskatchewan she's from saskatchewan neil yeah he's from winnipeg isn't he well he he is from winnipeg but he did write helpless about but didn't you hear that there was a there's a town in north ontario yeah but he was also from ohio he's on young street he was on young street right making his walking up and down young street do you know the first time i heard of young street do you can you guess i'm guessing uh uh what we do in the shadows ctv was ctv when when they're like we're going to young street gourd we gourd because it was a parody of that that after-school special thing where it's like oh there's a rainbow in toronto

you know what is the what is the 70s movie about the two farm kids who go to the big city and then get in all sorts of trouble it's a huge it's a canadian phenomenon i've talked to people from canada and they're just like that was one of the things you grew up and was everybody saw that movie tom we were both born in 1980 we just missed it yeah i don't know which movie i'm okay i'm fascinated to know which one what what um what would be like your favorite do you have a favorite like beatles album or anything um you like the beatles yeah yeah yeah i guess abby road okay well that happened before you were born yeah that's true that's true it was a trap i led you

right into it with my trap couple of goons my god he knew we liked the beatles what is that move that movie you're gonna watch it because the sctv had a they did a parody of it where it was like john candy and joe flaherty went we're going we're going to the big city gourd we're gonna i'm gonna be a doctor oh i do know this because they made a sequel to it in the 90s and i'm trying to remember the name of it but it is exactly that plot and in the 90s version they also have the car from that movie it's like a blue Is it going down the road? Yeah. Going down the road.

Cause it's like, I got her pregnant gourd. I got her pregnant. Like music by Bruce Coburn. Yeah. But SCTV was like their version of it where they were, we're going to young street. And they're just like hanging out on young street and being like,

like in front of like a camera shop, like as if it was like the most decadent place on the planet just in their in their denim jackets uh dave do you have an overheard i haven't overheard mine is i to a, I need to buy a new microphone. Because I thought I might be recording on the road. So I went down to Long and McQuaid, Canada's top music store. Yeah. And I was picking up my order, made an online order, went to pick it up. and I,

uh, as I was waiting, it's, uh, uh, it's overstaffed on a, like Thursday in the middle of the day. Yeah. Yeah.

That's why you seem like, uh, picking out a guitar or. Yeah. Yeah. I, I was actually wondering what is the COVID policy on trying out guitars in a music store?

No one seemed to be doing it. Yeah. But are there guys wiping it spraying guitars with uh rubbing alcohol yeah that's a good question i never thought how this whole thing impacted the sound equipment rental industry but i um as i was talking to the one clerk there were two other clerks and one of them was saying, why, why? It's dropping every day. And the other guy said, I don't know, but I think it's because of Bitcoin.

So I think these are the idle rich working at the music store just playing the stock market. Yeah. play in the stock market. Now, Graham, I just do want to say you're not sure about how COVID impacted the equipment rental and entertainment business. I'm going to say

it impacted it. Considering there were no performances for the last year and a half. Although a lot of kids probably were like this will take this time to learn how to play the guitar well i did hear i had a friend who had to fair enough had to buy this this very microphone uh a friend went to buy this microphone the shure sm7b fancy one

and uh he went to the music store and the guy at the store said let me guess joe rogan told you to buy this oh that's like that's like a sick burn without even trying to make a burn yeah so i think it impact like the the the fact that everyone was like well i got all this time i'll start a podcast joe rogan told you to get that one do a podcast from inside the his sensory deprivation tank mountain sm uh 57 and no it's the the microphone they used on thriller oh is it yeah and it's the one from uh some kind of monster that he screams those nonsense lyrics into uh awesome last week on the show we were struggling to name six famous pieces of art we got like the mona lisa and like the girl with the pearl earring because scarlett johansson was in it sure it occurred to me we never we didn't name that um that uh basquiat that lars was selling

and oh and some kind of monster yeah yeah That's probably one of the top ten. His leprechaun father. With his weird walking stick. Yeah, if you say his name three times, he shows up. Lars' dad, Lars' dad, Lars' dad. Puff of smoke. How are you? puff of smoke oh how are you uh graham do you have an overheard i do and it was from uh it's always from the alley now that's where that's where i'm hearing them i'm not hearing anything out the window in the alley

because it's warm out people are going back and forth it's great and there was a kid that i could hear him talking he was walking down the alley talking to himself in a very excited way he's talking to himself i was wondering i wanted to know what he was so excited about and the only part of it i heard was you're gonna feel the strength and so oh boy i don't know exactly what it was, but I think he's cutting a wrestling promo. Yeah, he's pepping himself up to tell someone off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you'll feel the strength. This is probably my new favorite catchphrase.

Yeah. You're going to feel the strength. Yeah. Try the new Lazy Boy. You're going to feel the strength. That sounds like a challenge. Be like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Bring it on. Try me. Yeah, gonna feel the strength that sounds like a challenge be like oh yeah yeah bring it on try me bring on the strength yeah this kid yeah yeah yeah come you know what come

into my building and you show me teach me how to feel the strength are you you want to challenge this kid no i just want to see what what's all about. You know what I mean? How old of a kid would you let punch you in the stomach as hard as they could? Thank you. That's the greatest. I was hoping for some sort of follow up like that. Yeah. Because I've got a six year old and I'm like, you can punch me in the stomach as hard as you want as long as you warn me.

Yeah. Well, yeah. But if she didn't warn you, then would she'd knock yeah that would be bad but like if i could prep myself i think i could let a 10 year old punch me in the stomach as hard as they could yeah i think anything like pre-puberty strength that just adrenaline its strength that they suddenly have at their disposal i'm gonna say i'm just gonna go one more and say 11 i think i could let an 11 year old sock it to me all right what about you tom i'll fight anyone anyone anybody come by you don't get to punch back i'll take oh no i'll take all takers anyone you'll get one shot will

you will you do this at the book festivals and such that you've been a book for i will yes i'll fight all the authors gronk is the only one who's exempt from this because i'm sure he can pack a wall oh yeah you could kill someone those those hams kill someone without even knowing it yeah that's true yeah um no what's the youngest person you'd fight how about that what's the youngest person you'd fight and not feel bad about it 17 yeah i was gonna say 16 i'd say 16 17 sounds like the responsible answer yeah because they could foreseeably uh kill you and so oh absolutely yeah oh yeah they're gonna yeah exactly yeah but that's what i want this was your death wish i want to die at the hands of a teen great great that's all your headstone says is great yeah killed by a tiktoker yeah well at least it'd be on tiktok killed on tiktok yeah get some he died as he lived on tiktok

uh now we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map if you want to send one into us you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org and this first one comes from alan m uh and he's uh taking a picture of a bus bench and the graffiti on the bus bench said i have been to spain but kind of don't like their music so that someone graffitied all of that yeah somebody graffitied all that kinda yeah i kinda don't like it yeah he's not making a definitive statement it's just uh yeah yeah what is spanish music flamenco you sure guitar a lot of guitar picking and strumming grinning yeah picking and grinning but if the aside from that i don't know i the whole soundtrack of uh vicky christina barcelona

i feel like that's boy i feel like all right is it am i allowed to say i feel like the name david get us on spanish am i allowed to say that i don't know no you just did yeah exactly you guys if it's not kim mitchell you don't know what it is that's how it is up there if it's not go for a soda oh boy this this crossed over to the states patio lanterns patio see pattern patio lanterns meant nothing in the united states of course not gopher soda was a teeny tiny the most minor of minor hits right was there his previous band max webster did that make any impact zero zero couldn't penetrate at all just didn't did not did not break through. No, we didn't get anything from the... I mean, Tragically Hip never moved the needle here, really.

That's true. Even with an SNL appearance, you know? Even with an SNL appearance. With Dan Aykroyd hosting. Dan Aykroyd, I believe, was the host. Yes. That was... We have a stamp.

There's a stamp in Canada. A postage stamp of Dan Aykroyd introducing Tragically Hip on SNL. I would wait online to get that stamp. I'll write you a letter. It'll be my first letter. I'll send it to you. There you go. Look at that. That's not a mess. Dear Dan Aykroyd. If someone wrote you, Tom, and asked you for an autographed photo what would you do if someone wrote me and asked for one yeah i if i i i've had photos in the past i've sent people

i had headshots that i did for a goof that were done for the best show listeners they pledged money and got them and when i had those still laying around i would still send somebody one okay sure yeah was there a typical thing you would write or you personalized it to each person not right uh you know keep rocking yeah keep rocking's a good one all the best things like that is that if you're gonna sign a headshot you gotta write it as if you're prepared to have it hanging in a dry cleaners yes yeah absolutely and that's the goal showbiz wise for all to see yes uh this next one comes from sebastian in new york it's a hot day in new york city at a park near a comic-con expo and spider-man just saying i hate this suit yeah which is not canon i think spider-man loves his suit um spider-man has his bad days too yeah

i could picture a day where doc ock is knocking him around he's just just why can't it be like a normal and a normal uh guy i mean thinking like thinking about a kid you you couldn't beat up oh yeah yeah peter parker don't please don't make me miles morales i take my shot though i try really yeah and then i said well because i wouldn't know he's spider man that's true do you have a fight strategy tom Tom? It alters for each opponent. Yes. Name a monster, and I'll tell you how I'd fight the monster. Loch Ness Monster.

Loch Ness Monster? Yeah. He's slow, so I'd just pepper him with a couple shots to the face and run back a little bit. Get further away from that Loch Ness. Run back from the water? Go. Run back from the water? Go a little further from the water. Taunt him a little bit. Get him to keep chasing me.

Then you get further away from the water. Then spin kick. How are you getting to him? Surfing? No, I'm challenging him on the edge of the loch. And he's coming to the edge? Yeah, he wants to fight. I'm screaming at him, yeah. to fight screaming at him yeah i'm

screaming at him come on fight me you coward nessie come out here you coward yeah so i fight the loch ness monster let it crawl along doesn't have great legs and right yeah yeah yeah that's how i do the loch ness monster okay one more monster frankenstein oh it's the easiest one of all how come just do it yeah he just do a thing you go behind frankenstein bend like on our hands and knees and you push push someone over push him backwards he falls right he is pretty yeah he doesn't bend his knees very easily. Yeah, and it feels like you could take a stitch and unwrap him. Yeah, he's just kind of a tragic monster.

Then I'd do a spin kick. Then I'd do a spin kick, knock that head right off his shoulders. Unmoor those stitchings. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Who would you think would be the hardest monster to fight? Ah. Or they all.

Probably Freddy Krueger. Probably Freddy Krueger because he don't play by the rules. That's true. And you're helpless. You're in a dream. You're in a dream, yeah. Yeah. You don't even know what's coming.

You don't know what's coming. That's why Freddy Krueger would be the hardest one. That's fair. Yeah. This don't know what's coming. That's why Freddy Krueger would be the hardest one. That's fair. Yeah. This last overheard comes from Jim in Portland, Maine. My overheard is of the teens, say Variety. While waiting in line for ice cream, I overheard a group of teenage girls talking to one another.

They said of the family of another girl not in the group, that why do their cars smell like bird seed now that's who's she talking about some other kids parents yeah that's a burn that's a big if you were told that something that you live in smells like bird seed and you don't have birds that's an excellent burn wouldn't you say yeah our we had a dog for many years and then for a couple years we didn't have a dog and we just got a other dog and i noticed now when i enter the house i was like well we have a house that smells now yeah yeah it's got the dog smell well bird seed we feed the dog bird oh yeah that makes perfect sense we give one of those big like uh logs of birds sure no that's the dog's fate dogs love that i mean it's whatever like pet store it's interchangeable

yeah yeah what part of pet you say your dog what part of pet don't you understand eat this fish food you're acting like a two-year-old dog in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you would like to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have hi this is elizabeth from toronto calling in with an overheard that i've from my mother. We put some stuff down on the curb to see if people would take it, one of which was a high chair from when my son was really tiny.

And she overheard some people walking by and the man of the couple said, well, we do have a baby. And then that was all she heard. Hmm? Yeah, well well we do it we have a baby we didn't think about this

chair thing I didn't think about this chair thing I don't know if you did yeah but then I don't know would you take something like that off the street and put it in your house I don't know that's I think what Facebook marketplace is for that sounds horrifying

free section of Craigslist. What if it's haunted? Yeah, exactly. You ever think about that? It just has this doll behind glass in it. Yeah. Exactly. Oh, yeah, that's like maybe she'll show up in the chair.

Annabelle put it in, yeah. You get that chair. It's a coin flip whether you look at Annabelle sitting in it. It's a 50-50 play at least it's not a rocking high chair if Annabelle's in it who knows anything's possible with Annabelle what's the translation to Lorca? I don't know

I don't know I I don't know. You're too scared. I'm too scared to find out. Thank you. I didn't want to say it out loud, but you've given me the courage to own my fear. Oh, La Lorona, La Lorona. Yeah. Boy, come on, Google Translate.

Show me what you got. Translate.google.com.ca. Okay, sure. And here we go. Detect language. Spanish detected. Into English. The Weeping Woman.

Oh, no. Now it's even scarier somehow. It just got scarier. Yeah. Okay. The Weeping Woman. Yikes. That's like the crooked man scary i don't like that crooked man in those movies no you like him or you don't like him i don't yeah he's scary there's a crooked man in these movies there is yeah does he live in a crooked house he he says the whole thing while

he's spooking everybody out he's like recites that you gotta watch it you gotta get the whole family around to watch all i'm not tom no i don't like this you gotta do is you gotta do 16 hours so you gotta wake everyone up tell them midnight tonight you say midnight tonight daddy's putting a horror film festival together we're watching all the conjurer verse and we're watching them in chronological order where we'll start with the nun i think you'd probably start with annabelle the beginning whatever the origin one of annabelle is sure sure i think that's where it starts yeah kids are addicted to their screens is there a solution?

Yeah. The Controverse. Controverse. Annabelle. The last thing they're going to do is look at a screen. Here's your next phone call. Hey, I'm just listening to the Really Rod talk. Oh, yeah.

A few weeks ago, we were talking about Really Rod at Rod Stewart Impersonator. Anyway, carry on. Cover bands made me think of an overheard I have from a Neil Diamond cover band show. We were able to meet the band

after the show and the lady in front of us talking to the band asked if they had any CDs and the lady in front of us talking to the band asked if they had any cds and the lead singer just said just buy a neil diamond cd i mean yeah yeah yeah this is an album put out by a neil diamond impersonator the idea of going into a studio and being like, let's record 12 Neil Diamond songs. As Neil Diamond. Yeah.

Not even like, hey, let's put our spin on some Neil Diamond songs. If you buy that, then it's just like, I mean, the most obvious question in the world is, why would anybody not just buy a Neil Diamond album? Right. Yeah. yeah yeah because they're drunk at your concert i mean god god god bless you if you go see a neil diamond impersonator live that's a whole other thing than going home with a neil diamond impersonator cd signed cd all you're gonna do is just compare it to the original all the time this version of kentucky

woman kind of sounds like pretty awesome pretty pretty accurate pretty close we've got to check out the merch table we got copies of our cd buyer's remorse all right here's your final overheard hi dave graham and probable guest uh this is andy from edmonton calling in with an overheard i was just outside of a grocery store and i saw a um sort of mildly disheveled gentleman wearing sweatpants and sneakers and he uh was speaking very loudly to his phone on speakerphone and he said but why did they hire me? I don't know anything. Anyway, I love the podcast guys, off I go.

Yeah, I mean Peter Principle, right? Speaking of buyer's remorse. Yeah, hire's remorse. Yeah. Well, that brings us to the conclusion of this here show. show tom thank you so much for being our guest oh my god this is so much fun thank you both for having me tom i i have to say we uh i a couple weeks ago i i saw that like that the then you know uh that things were opening up in

america and i had this panic i was like oh my God, people aren't going to want to Zoom into our show anymore. We got to get some great guests before everyone stops Zooming. And I was like, get me, I told Graham, get me Tom Sharpling.

I love it. And I did. How'd that go? It took some doing. Did you get him? We got him. We got him? We got him. We got him. We got him.

We got him. Mission accomplished. Yeah, he was fighting Loch Ness Monster at the time. But after that, he agreed to do our show. After that spin kick, he was all ours. This was so much fun. Oh, my God. Thank you for having me.

Thank you so much. this has been a real treat and tell everybody what the book is where they can get it it's the book is called it never ends and it's sub uh the the title is it never ends a memoir with nice memories and it'll make sense to you when you read the book and it's published by abrams and it comes out on july 6th and you can find out more information about it over at tom wrote a book.com all sorts of places you can pre-order it and learn more about it there and yeah it's it's coming out i cannot wait to read it uh very excited um and yeah uh i'm sure it's going to do amazingly, uh,

when it's released. Cause, uh, I think a lot of people want to know more about Tom Sharpley. No, you're sweet. Um, you're,

you're, you're lips to God's ears. As we say in the United States, we say it up here sometimes too. Yeah. We have a new, we have a new God. Yeah.

Okay. Um, well, yeah. Thank you again. Yeah, we have a new God. Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, thank you again and thank you all the people out there who are listening to the show. Please take care of yourself and those around you, take care of them as well and come on back next week for another episode

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