Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 701 - Clare Belford

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

Comedian Clare Belford returns to talk island life, Woodstock ’99, and more neighbour drama. Watch us LIVE from the London Podcast Fest on September 2nd. Get you tickets here.

Hello folks, it's Dave. I wanted to announce that coming up very soon, next week in fact, we are doing a live podcast as part of the London Podcast Festival. We haven't done any live shows or even any Zoom events this entire pandemic, but next week you can see us on your computer screen. The show is on Thursday, September 2nd at 8.30pm London time. That's 12.30 Pacific, 3.30 Eastern. A fun little afternoon for you. Get your tickets at kingsplace.co.uk or by clicking on the link in this episode's description. Hi, he's Dave Shumka.

And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 701 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me is a man who got to turn off his air conditioning for a few nights here in rainy Vancouver, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, maybe, no, not, I don't think I turn it off at night. I turn it off in the day.

You've got to have it cold at night. Ooh. When do you make the switch over when it's like, okay, I don't need it to be cold anymore. I want to be warm under a blanket. Like we talk in October. Oh, October or like 2 a.m. Column A, column B. We have it turned.

It turns off like a little after midnight. If we have it on. But I mean, the planet is getting hotter. Yeah, it's true. Like, no offense, but it's... None taken. And I feel like, doesn't air conditioning only make the planet hotter? Yes, yeah.

They make your room cooler and the trade-off is planet hotter. So I've always resisted it, unless i've it was absolutely necessary but we've had so many heat waves this year it's just been on every day yeah yeah uh but uh yeah no i i'll turn it off when i'm good and ready fair enough uh our guest today very funny stand-up comedian it's claire belford hello hello thank you for being on the show thank you for having a show that i could be on yeah yeah we we did this this is a special edition just for you yeah it's at 701 claire's episode um should we get to know us yeah Claire you've uh you've for years you've been in Toronto Ontario doing stand-up comedy and now you're in Prince Edward Island living the living the rural life I assume or maybe you're in a city

it's I'm in like the suburbs right now okay yes but that is where I am yeah and you've been there for how long I got here in about October oh wow you've been there like a long time you're like a local yeah well kind of uh where are you from me originally i'm from alberta no graham graham where you from i originally i started out in pei which is weird yeah oh you're from alberta claire yes how did you get to pei yeah that's a long road you're long ways from alberta claire yes how did you get to pei yeah that's a long road you're long ways from alberta yeah so i was in toronto for five years well i started doing stand-up at edmonton and then i was doing it for there for like three years moved to toronto was there for five years and then the pandemic hit and toronto was a not a nice place to be yeah um i guess nowhere was it just i guess the

pandemic really depended on how nice of a home you had but wasn't pei like way way better because there were so few people there and it's an island and oh yeah pei was the place to be definitely like for anyone not from canada pei is prince edward island yes um a home of stomping tom connor's i don't know if anyone not from canada yeah that didn't clear anything we'll enjoy that for anyone not from canada pei is home of is anna green gables icon anna green gables is pei isn't it definitely yeah that's our whole thing here yeah i've already adopted their culture that's our thing uh but you're coming up on like a year anniversary of being in uh yeah coming up it's a real uh complicated uh this my move was not from toronto to pi it was a I actually technically moved to Moncton.

Really? Yeah. Home of who, Dave? Who's from Moncton? Eric's trip. Eric's trip. Sure. Just wanted to check in.

Every place has got a famous person. No, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I couldn't tell you anyone else. I mean, is that near Magnetic Hill? It is, kind of. I mean, closer than Vancouver, that's for sure. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. So you were going to Moncton, then what happened there?

You don't want to get into this. Me? I'm fine with it. I don't know if you want to get into it. Yeah, why are we so interested? No, honestly, I feel like a lunatic talking about this like it's it's just such a strange thing to do yeah um no i think we're used to it we talk to lunatics every week you don't have to be crazy to work here but it helps and we always we know people who are moving to the islands out here there's a bunch of people who like had enough of the city life and they go and do green acres is that goodbye city life um well i love the city right

like i love city life but if you can't live like you can live in a city then what's the point of being there right i just mean with like the circumstances of the pandemic is it the plan is to go back or are you staying in pei uh uh probably not to toronto but i probably won't stay in pei too small it's pretty small yeah um i really do like it a lot in a lot of ways but the things that i have kind of you know hitched my wagon to horses and such in terms in terms of like um ways of making a living aren't really necessarily huge industries here so it's yeah yeah yeah potato farmer big one yeah yeah that's i have had to almost entirely transition to potato farming yeah because you don't need to be hired

for by a farmer you can just start your own farm freelance yeah look at youtube videos and just try to freelance farmer go from farm to farm yeah yeah yeah it's a stand-up comedian's way you do the open farms oh yeah i don't work with a group i'm not like an improv farmer so i'm just gonna go up i'll do like 20 minutes of farming and i'll bring you out do you have any credits you want me to tell the potatoes? That's what I call my audio. Are you in Charlottetown? I wish.

No, I'm in Cornwall. It's a little suburb near Charlottetown. But it's... Prince Edward Island, I know the least about it in terms of all the Canadian provinces. It's the tiny one. It's the tiniest province. You know less about Prince Edward Island than, say, like, Manitoba?

Yeah. Okay. I could name... Yeah, like, I know the... You could go off on Manitoba. The provincial bird of Manitoba is the mosquito. And let's see. You want to quiz me on every province?

I just feel like that's a big statement. Prince of Ireland's got, you know, Anne, for one. Yeah, Anne of Green Gables. Yeah, that's Anne of Green Gables. Eric's trip. Eric's trip is New Brunswick. Oh, sorry, you're right uh two hours traffic there you go yeah are you just are you looking this up right now no i'm on i'm on the uh the i'm not i

have monkton open on my wikipedia no i uh yeah monkton is not a popular place amongst people i would be curious what what yeah why was the why was it initially going to be Moncton? Well, so I was. Tales all this time. I can't necessarily back up the decisions I made in a desperate. Neither can I, man. I don't back up any of my decisions. I don't stand by any of them.

I was desperately trying to get out of Toronto. Man, I don't back up any of my decisions. I don't stand by any of them. I was desperately trying to get out of Toronto. And I wanted to go to the East Coast. And PEI wasn't letting people in, really, at the time. Right. Moncton was like, come on, party people.

Moncton will take you. The idea was I was going to go back to school. And I still would like to. But I didn't end up doing that because i became a stowaway on prince edward island um cool yeah i was i was seeing someone that was living here and there it is it was love it was love yeah it was and it must have been love but it's over now you guys have been yeah you're just really working me for the information there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the juicy stuff. I did ask you if you didn't want to talk about it.

Yeah, you're right. No, I'm game. So I was living in Moncton. I did like, when you entered the Maritime Provinces at that time, you had to isolate for two weeks before you could go about your life so i isolated my apartment in monkton for two weeks and then immediately like came over here and visited my now partner and um did you have a different partner when you were in monkton no okay no i i just mean like we weren't together at the time when I first got here. All right. Every maritime province, you report.

All my exes live in Prince Edward Island. That's the thing. If you broke up with somebody in an island that small, for sure you'd still be seeing them at least once a week. Oh, yeah. It's a, it's a big problem here for people. That's why there's only one last name.

Yeah. Like it would, if it was a really nasty breakup, you'd have to decide who gets to stay on the Island and who has to go. How big is the Island? Are you like, how far like to do to drive around a loop of the island a loop of the island would be probably like i mean comfortably a couple days but oh really oh no but i mean like you could do it in a straight shot probably in like 10 hours but okay that's what i mean so it's

still very big like it's not like a like a teeny tiny it's very small i don't know like tip to tip you could it would probably i i don't know i think it's like three or four hours it's not far really and you're always because it's so thin like you're always like 20 minutes away from the beach oh yeah cool yeah and like do they have a walmart there do they have an ikea what do they got out there they've got a walmart they don't have an ikea they don't have a costco when the bridge closed like they closed the bridge back to the mainland back in like november when things were getting bad again uh it's been closed since then and then they reopened

it in june and that's the number one thing i heard people talk about how much they were excited to do was go to costco oh yeah well i'm excited to uh america's closed and i'm i'm like isn't it open again now not uh it's a they're allowed to come up here all they want we have to have tests yeah to go down there yeah um and we're um the yeah i i want to go to like target just just to walk around oh you you want to go to target yeah because target came to canada for a while and they struggled like where were you then dave i was i went i went once but um yeah no it's not my fault. I saw,

you know, yeah. Speaking of Costco going to Costco and how there's no Costco. Um, I, someone posted a, I saw an article yesterday of all 32 national hockey league arenas and how far they all are from Costco. And Vancouver's is the closest.

Vancouver is within like 200 feet of the closest costco why would anybody make that list i think it was it was written by someone in vancouver buffalo is buffalo's the furthest buffalo 75 miles from the costco in rochester and this was in the costco times this was yeah i pick it up i pick it up uh when i get my uh you know little samples of bacon e-shrimp or whatever yeah like we don't we take our costco for granted if you go to a city or a place that doesn't have one then you're like what where do i get kirkland where is kland? Do I buy that out of the back of a truck? Are you? I don't know you as a Costco head, Graham.

Are you? I'm not. No, because I haven't had a car. Yeah, I respect their culture. I recognize it. When I go to my parents' house, we end up going to Costco like several times. Just because it's a hangout.

It seems to be like a thing that families do together. Like it's like a... Yeah. Yeah. Because it's so big big like everybody can kind of sprawl out everywhere which is like if you're at a target or something there's like these narrow aisles and you're always blocking somebody yeah but like costco you could just let kids run around sit on a couch watch a giant tv it's been a while since i've been there i feel like we took when we when our kids were babies we could drive them

like we could take them places in the stroller and they would sleep in the stroller but costco the the one downtown uh the floors were too smooth like there wasn't they needed their needle just a little grit little grit just to get a little rhythm of the bumpy ride even in a regular grocery store or like tiled floor somewhere Costco was too smooth and the kids wouldn't sleep that's interesting you need like a little bit of

it made the front page of the Costco time too smooth says local man well they want the kids awake so they can be like I want that I want that please can we get you know a car

full of paper towels I was just reading this today I had no idea but like you know Toys R Us closed in the states but they're still here in Canada they splintered off into their own company reading this today i had no idea but like you know toys r us closed in the states yeah uh but they're still here in canada they splintered off into their own company yeah and so now canada has toys r us the states has target and uh who's gonna win you know what i mean i mean they're not competing no but you know what i mean if you were like doing stats for each country that would be

one of the stats i mean because the border's closed i only go to toys r us now for my essentials i keep like everything you guys say i'm filtering i'm realizing like how uh island i've become like i just everything i hear i filter through an island lens and i'm like toys r us oh boy that's like when uh somebody there's like a group of people that came here and they didn't isolate and they tested positive and they had been to the toys r us that was the only place they went and everyone was so mad that they went to toys r us because it's not even essential well it is if you're a kid it's the number one yeah if you want to go get a video game and a Ninja Turtle where the hell else are you gonna go

yeah but it's also like it's so small here like that was such a big news story for so long these like monsters that went to the Toys R Us did they interview them on TV did they plead their case or were they protected by that?

We don't really have a TV station here, Graham. You just have a Wikipedia page? Everything is Facebook. That's the only real means of, like, news. I love it. I love it. I love a town without a TV station. You've got radio stations.

PEI's Best Rock or something like that. Yeah. I've got like three of PEI's best rock stations. That's pretty much cool. Yeah, that's it. You don't get CBC out there. That's like,

I've never listened to more CBC in my life than living in PI. Cause I have a car. I've never had a car. Really? I know it's, it's, I've had a car for years and years. And does it change in your head all the things that you can do all of a sudden?

I guess so. But you're stuck on an island. Yeah. I also do very much have Stockholm Syndrome. I'm like, why would I ever need to leave the island? You two are like the gift of the magi because you've got a car and no costco and graham's got a costco but no car oh yeah that old chestnut

um yeah so what like aside from uh just like are you doing comedy stuff out there on the Island or is there? Yeah, no, we've been doing everything just like normal for quite a while. Uh, there's been like, it's a pretty small comedy scene, but it is one, you know? And it, um, like I, I obviously got to record an album and release an album in, in a time when like nowhere else was really able to have shows so what's your album yeah why hey before the show when we were like hey do you want us to plug anything off the top you're like fuck you that's true it was super rude but i thought sorry just get on edge about introductions

um so there's a small scene there and they do they have a club or is it all just bars or no club uh there's like one we don't have one either so so you know we still got a costco but that's it there's one regular open on uh on saturdays if you can believe it and then uh and then it's just all like somebody being like hey my cousin's lumber yard wants a show at the community center yeah very common yeah I'll only do it if it happens in the lumberyard itself. And honestly, it's great. I'm nervous that I'm getting worse because the audiences here are so great. They're just fun.

But you automatically, you're the best in town, I assume. Coming in from the big smoke. You've just come in and landed an atom bomb. I mean, I am definitely very quickly in the most experienced tier of comedians. But there are some really good comics out here. You know who's here is Brad Dorian. Oh, yeah. I know Brad Dorian. And you know what's crazy about him?

Brad Dorian, formerly a Vancouver comedian. His name is not dorian his name is duron but he changed it when he moved to vancouver to dorian because duron is an island name and no one knows how to say it anywhere else right and like he wanted to call himself delorean but then everybody talked about is it d-o-i-r-o-n the island, it's D-O-I-R-O-N. Like Julie Dwaron from Eric's trip from New Brunswick. Yes, but in New Brunswick they say it Dwaron. On the island

they say it Duran. Because it's all weird here. I don't think it's as weird as he thinks it is. I think he could have kept it. Well, I mean, if you like getting introduced every night by somebody new who isn't as cultured as you dave yeah that's why i changed my uh showbiz name what was your showbiz name my showbiz name was davy styles davy steps that's right davy styles uh he did that. That's right. Davey styles.

Uh, he did that early because you were going to be a style in style writer. Yeah. And that just stuck. You went into comedy. Well, I always wore my sunglasses on stage and a very long scarf, very long,

very thin scarf. Kind of like the opposite of when he cravats. Yeah. Yeah. I was like that woman in the you had a bad day video that's a very specific reference yeah it's a very specific scarf um did you do it first or did she uh she did it first yeah i've kind of modeled my whole career around her. I think she was also on the OC or Dawson's Creek. Maybe both. Yeah.

So, do you have a job out there in PEI? Or are you just able to enjoy the island? I have a job. What do you do? Oh, I... Are we prying? Is this a bad time? This is what we have.

This is my life. I don't know. What did I expect coming out of the podcast? I mean, this is everyone's life for the last year and a half. By the way,

I've been calling it a year and a half since we reached like the 13 month mark. Yeah. No, that's, I actually heard somebody say

it's almost been over two years. I feel like that's, I actually heard somebody say it's almost been over two years. I feel like that's sort of, everyone is really down to make it seem even worse. But if you were like an early adopter, then it's been forever. If you were like. Yeah, I got, I got, I was an early COVID adopter. Yeah. Like there's always a couple in every city that, you know, people are like, hmm, that mask.

Yeah. Yeah. I've been locked down since November 2019. Yeah. November 2019. Yeah. That was the month. It was after Halloween.

So, put away my silly mask. Put on my real mask. The lockdown didn't come for another four months. Yeah, but not for me man i was locked out i was getting everything shipped from amazon got a bunch of you know you stock up on a bunch of tiny candies and you're good yeah that's right that's why november 1st was the thing is this would be my maximum candy time i last halloween was the like the best hallow Halloween I've had since I was a kid. Because, like, nobody came to your door?

No, because it was, the neighbors all went, like, crazy into it with their outdoor displays so that kids would, you know what I mean? Like, everybody was putting on these crazy displays. Oh, that is cool. Yeah, it was fun. People did, like, weird, like, distancing, like, people had, like, clotheslines where they would, like, or, like, zip lines where they would like or like zip lines where they would send the candy down from their door to the kids yeah it was like it was really fun and there were teens in the in the basketball court near the rec center who like lit off all these fireworks and they were way done and then the cops showed up and the cops were like oh we gotta bust somebody for something so they shone a flashlight on my face

and they saw i was drinking a beer and he said next time in a cup yes sir oh yes sir i'm sorry sir yeah yeah yeah you just did the jack off motion adam i pay your salary you know who i am uh but it's so funny because the like cops in fire department don't have any say of like where they go so they had to go put out like what was maybe a foot, a foot, a big of a fire, like a square foot of fire. Yeah. One square foot of fire.

Thank you. That's, that's the phrase I was looking for. Yeah. So Claire, what do you do? Are you a party planner? Halloween planner?

Yeah. Wedding planner. What do you plan things? Before I ask that question, I just really quickly wanted to ask, I know we already discussed the, what we can hear think can you hear my dog my dog is barking like every five seconds and i didn't

i mean i can maybe can't hear him through the zoom i bet the listeners that hope well good i'm sorry that's fine maybe i can give you like a picture of him to put with it. He's really a nice guy. Tell me about your dog. Does he have a job? I put him in the garage with the idea that if like, because sometimes he barks if people come to the door or something. I was like, he'll be chill in the garage. But he's not.

We'll let him be. Yeah, go let him be chill. Okay, sure. I'm chill. We'll just talk amongst ourselves. Okay. He's going to... There will reach a point, though, where he'll get worse. Well, but why will he bark if he's...

Can he just be close to you and not bark? Yeah, but then when people come home, like when my boyfriend or my roommates come home, like, he will bark. What are they doing out? It's 9.30 at night. Yeah, exactly. Worried about them? One of them is a rugby,

which I guess goes late. Dark rugby. Yeah. Well, the thing with rugby is it's so heavily associated with drinking. So they did their practice for like 30 minutes, I guess.

And then they drink for five. Just get wasted and then they fight each other. Yeah. I mean, do what you want to do. I don't want your dog to be miserable, but you know, parked between the cars in the garage do i don't want your dog to be miserable but you know

parked between the cars in the garage we don't have cars in there i that's a jam space if you don't i don't know i'll let him out i want you yeah let him out yeah let's see how that works all right i'm stuck graham graham now that she's gone i think we should announce that we will be at The London Podcast Festival Oh yeah that's right And that's by the way Next week

Yeah so if you don't have your Virtual tickets Because it is virtual It's a virtual show We'll be at the London Podcast Festival We'll post a link In this episode description

It's a September 2nd At I think 8.30 London time Yeah yeah And it's like september 2nd at i think 8 30 london time yeah yeah and it's like like noon our time i love it it's gonna be a great day and it's gonna be a great day um is your dog with you now uh well i closed the door to the office but he's out of the garage there you go yeah let him tear around the house what's What's your dog's name? It's my boyfriend's dog. His name is Norm. The dog's name is Norm.

Yeah. Norm is an Italian Mastiff. He's giant and he's the best, but he's also... The worst. Just a monster. Yeah. Yeah. That's Dave's dog's name, his monster.

Really? Yeah. Oh. He's very small, though. Oh, very small though oh he's a very tiny tiny young man he's neither italian nor a mastiff if you do a voice for monster what does it sound like um or do you do any voices for him yeah you know what we did a voice for our old dog that was kind of like this hey guys uh this is stupid I don't want to play with it. And it's very hard to not do that voice for Monster.

Sure. He doesn't have an official voice, but I bet since you bring it up, what's Norm's voice? I always, I'm not, well, see, I always try and do like an Italian accent, but I'm not very good at accents, but that's what I want it to be. Oh, because, yeah, yeah.

It's an Italian master like a crazy caricature voice like a guy on a pizza box yeah pretty much all I got is like go poop in a ditch that's pretty good yeah that's really good

it's got that repertoire he just only poops in ditches oh this island's full of them yeah there are a lot of ditches around that's true yeah and the ditches are full of your dog's poops yeah well we pick them up oh that's good good for you um you're part of society yeah good work did you want me to talk about my job i know i don't like it seems like i'm avoiding it but i'm not oh guys can you hear that there's a crow three blocks away do you want me to hit it with a bat and i mean a flying bat i want to send out a bat after this crow yeah let them fight for supremacy um uh yeah what do you do yeah let us know what do you do

we're gonna sit back and listen oh um well i just i i work at a restaurant it's always been my like side hustle with comedy is just working in a restaurant but i work on the food we're talking so i currently work in like a it's essentially like a fast food drive-thru. Cool. Yeah. Is it called McDonald's? Because that's very much a fast food drive-thru. Yeah, that's essentially a fast food drive-thru. It's called actually Nimrod's.

Love it. And it's really good. It is really good food. And they're wonderful employers. I just don't feel i feel bad being my age working in a drive-thru but for all the younger people that work there they love it and it's great yeah and it's a good business it's it's good honest work you should not feel bad about yeah don't feel bad about it for a second oh guys you know it's uh yeah if you were ripping off cars i think we'd

be less well i'd be also impressed with that if you were able to steal cars i'm a spy that is a spy he's the worst spy he tells everybody that's my side hustle i'm a spy is that like a stop podcasting yourself oh i suppose it is yeah yeah oh yeah that's a weird little that's why i got my personal license plate that would be the perfect cover a guy who tells everybody this is he's a spy and nobody believes it but secretly he actually is i heard that that guy you so you know the the uh did you ever see catch me if you can yes the story of le of Leonardo DiCaprio as a con man? Anyway, well, if you haven't seen it, you should see it. It's really good.

It's one of those movies I've always meant to see. I don't know. Now that you bring it up, I'm like, oh, no, I haven't seen it still. It's really good. I saw it in the theater. I've seen it on TV. It's Spielberg. Yeah.

Steven. It's like, Steven. Stefan. When he's cool,'s stefan spielberg and then sometimes he's also a robot and maybe a bruce lee type yes that's right um is this your podcast canon or yep yeah this is all canon yeah the uh the guy the movie's based on it's a true story of this guy frank abagn, who was a con man from a young age and like, you know, defrauded people for millions of dollars with checks and like pretended he was convinced people he was a doctor, convinced people he was a pilot. And turns out the con was that he never did any of those things

Oh shit is that really He like was He did some Check you know Check bouncing But he really wasn't like that at all Yeah and he like never really Like at the end of the movie

And then he was such an expert at this He became a consultant Working with the FBIbi to catch frauds and he apparently never worked with the fbi he just went to jail and yeah um what was that movie about the game show host that said he was a spy yeah with chuck barris sam rockwell as Chuck Berris. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Yeah, and have you ever heard of that story, Claire? No, but I like Sam Rockwell. Yeah, yeah, see another, yeah. I don't mind me an eye full of Sam Rockwell either. It's like this story about the game show host, and he said that game show host was his cover. And he was a spy because he would go with the contestants.

Like it was a love game show. And so he'd be the chaperone of the contestants. And then he would go and do spy stuff and what a horror, wherever they were sent to go. It's not true. It's for sure. Not true, but,

but he wrote, he wrote the, it was his autobiography too. And they've turned it into a movie. He wrote a book about it. Um,'s uh that's cool who's you like sam rockwell who's your dream celebrity crush now i mean if you like sam rockwell you gotta love mark ruffalo. Yeah, exactly. They're one in the same package. I mean, I guess I understand that leap,

but I mean, to me, that's a step back. Okay. Oh, J-Throne. Towards who?

Wait a second. Ruffalo, I think, would be the one. Oh, yeah. Okay. Is Sam Rockwell number one? No.

I just, I really, I do appreciate this i i was interested in what you guys are talking about i just couldn't contribute so i was quiet it's not like i was like that was your first wrap it up fellas like let's talk about my crushes okay but now it's all we want to know you know yeah now you're definitely avoiding it yeah it's not that i don't want to talk about my crushes guys but it's a local celebrity here pi i don't know why i don't know but today i somehow um shane west came up he was like a yeah yeah my go-to crush when i was a young was he on one tree

hill i don't think so he was in a watch or remember with mandy moore yeah yeah have you seen that movie me i yes i have i haven't have you guys seen that movie no you haven't no no but it gets referenced doesn't it in entourage that Adrian is the guy in that movie? Because he did a movie with, what's her name? Mandy Moore? Mandy Moore. Oh, yeah. In the storyline, yeah.

And then he dated her on the show. I was thinking of Chad Michael Murray. Sorry, Shane West and Chad Michael Murray are different people. But I would say Chad Michael Murray is far more handsome. Yeah, but Shane West is like is far more handsome. Yeah, but Shane West is like a little bit dangerous. Yeah. I guess, yeah. But maybe Claire doesn't

go for the dangerous type. Well, he clearly did. You know? Yeah, I don't think looking back at Shane West now, I don't think I'm like, he looks kind of wide yeah but you were a teen at the time who knows what the hell you were thinking you know what i mean yeah like all i had was like pictures of hulk hogan on my walls what the hell was that about yeah but that is absolutely you have like i i know you're trying to downplay it, but.

No, it's been a big part of my life. Yeah, it's absolutely been a big part of your romantic life. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. I tear my shirt off every night. And even when I don't have to, I just, I throw them in the garbage. I go through so many shirts. That would be so convenient. Like not having to do laundry.

Yeah. Just endless tank tops yeah those tank tops and in the winter different winter jackets that i only wear once throw them away and i want to throw them away do not want to donate them i want to put in a city dump i like to imagine someone got a hulk hogan for christmas like a sweater vest and he's like no i gotta rip the sleeves off myself i don't want to have something pre sleeveless i need it i need it to be buy me a full sweater and i'll cut off the sleeve grandma why did you knit me this thing how am i supposed to rip it apart do i just grab a loose thread and just slowly rip it apart because like a sweater would be so hard to rip of all the possible

garments yeah no I think you're absolutely right about that but did you have posters on your wall as a kid what do girls have on their wall I feel like it depended on what age but I remember a friend of mine having a lot of new kids on the block on the wall

and I was like huh this is what a girls room is like I had a whole it's funny you asked that but i had a whole wall of like a magazine collage that i oh yeah i made one summer and it was an assortment of teen magazine cutouts it wasn't newsweek but i also had a donald rums. I also somehow from an early age had a Spin subscription. So it was a lot of... Oh, sure. ...band pictures as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Was Spin the cool version of Rolling Stone or vice versa? I... Were they both not cool? Don't know. Yeah, Spin was the alternative publication. Yeah. It's not still around, is it? Or maybe it is in Canada. Maybe it's split off from the alternative publication. Yeah. It's not still around, is it? Or maybe it is in Canada.

Maybe it's split off from the American brand. Yeah, we have Canadian Spin. Two Hours Traffic's on the cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's this incredible cover band here, and the singer from Two Hours Traffic is their singer. And it's like, there's never been a better cover band here and the singer from Two Hours Traffic is their singer and it's like there's never been a better cover band. It's so

good. That's great. Yeah. I feel like I like the idea of being in a cover band because you have the same gig every night at like whatever bar. If you're just the house cover band you don't have to travel. You just get to do a show every night and then

go home and you know watch your own tv and it's the only thing people really want to hear when they're out yeah nobody wants to hear anybody's original tracks uh i was trying to i don't want to there was a band there was like a canadian i was a pop power pop band in the 90s i don't want to say their name in case i'm wrong uh but i think the lead singer was also in a like a kiss cover band oh cool yeah that's like i don't know have you ever been somewhere where just some music has started all of a sudden and you weren't informed that this was that kind of place i've certainly done comedy at shows where the audience wasn't informed that I was about to do some cover jokes. Yeah.

Oh yeah. But like, I feel like I've done that where I've sat down, I've ordered my drink and the drink hasn't even come yet. And you can hear guitar twanging. Yeah. It's everybody's checking out their, their sound.

Yeah. And then it's everybody's checking out their their sound tuning up yeah and then it's like it's like a room full of people that came up to visit and then it's just the loudest thing yeah yeah yeah it's everybody has to kind of talk over it and uh but then i've never seen like a cover band say you know? Let's slide an original in there. Between I Want to Rock and Roll All Night and The Woods of Hollywood. I think they could pull it off. Because I feel like most people would be like, there's such pride in knowing every song. No one would want to admit that they didn't know what it was. Right.

Oh, sure. Yeah, they slide it into the mix. Yeah. I'll do the electric slide to your original i don't care uh graham did you have i feel like that's a something more girls did was have uh like their crushes on their walls uh boys just had i had athletes sounds like and hulk hogan i had all kogan i would cut out pages from wrestling magazines and place them all over the wall. But, like, I never had, like, the Spice Girls on my wall.

Were those weird crushes? I mean, they were up there. I guess I had plenty of access to them on my record collection. No, I mean, like, if I wanted to look at them they were on the on much music all the time yeah and you could go to the 7-eleven and get like a spice girl lollipop or something like that true they had a lot of a lot of merch um none of it's spice related i was just gonna say do they ever try and tap into that like yeah they that was a real fail yeah that's money left on the table yeah that's true that's like a very that's a big business kind of thing like

always let's expand everything spices are expensive yeah they you know they come from the far east and yeah you know here be dragons or whatever you know that's uh that's a long trip though most of the world was was formed because of spices right most of the modern like yeah everyone was out in a boat looking for spice yeah but it's like right now you just i don't know i don't know if that was like a atlantic accent or we're out in a boat or out and about no it was out and about. Out and about, okay. Out and about. But yeah, it's like crazy when you think about like just this whole society formed around like,

I don't want my food to be bland. Oh. Get on a boat. What would the neighbors think? Yeah. Get on a boat and bring me back some mustard see we went to this magical land

Saskatchewan um yeah that'd be tough to boat to yeah but you know what in the old days

they knew how to do it they would portage the boat what's your um so uh we know Chad Michael Murray sorry Shane West is your number one crush thank you for correcting yourself wow yeah who's your what's your, so we know Chad Michael Murray. Sorry, Shane West is your number one crush.

Thank you for correcting yourself. Wow. Yeah. Who's your, what's your number one spice? Oh my goodness. Great question. What do you go to the most in your spice? Probably paprika.

Like regular paprika or smoked paprika? I do like smoked paprika, but i don't have any currently but uh that like when i moved out of my place in toronto there was a there was a real my roommate and i had to do a pretty thorough spice separation it was wow yeah yeah like i remember reading an interview with somebody uh that had lost their home in a fire and then when they were kind of rebuilding their life and buying new things, he was like, buying spices is so fucking expensive.

Like we had a huge collection of spices. I had paprika. Fortunately, the fire turned it into smoked paprika. It's the only spice that survived. Dave, what's your go-to spice? I don't know if it's my favorite but i use cumin the most i like cumin a lot yeah cumin's nice what do you put in when are you putting it on uh you know you put it in a salsa you put it in most mexican not a salsa like a guacamole

you put it in most mexican uh guacamole that's a great idea yeah blow everybody's mind on the island yeah my guacamole my secret recipe i use avocado um yeah and you know some lime salt yeah a little bit of cumin yeah not bad not bad at all uh i guess my favorite is basil if i had to pick one basil sure but okay oh yeah yeah i guess then my favorite spice is salt yeah i had so we went away for a week and uh grammy would love it here i just want to say yeah absolutely it's very salty It's just pretty buoyant. We went away for a week, and all of our plants turned brown because we didn't water anything while we were away,

and there was a heat wave. And when we came back, everything was brown, except we had this tiny sprig of basil had become ginormous. Oh, wow. So basil likes it, likes to eat. Mm. Mm, yes. Are you still attending to a garden there dave huh are you still tending to a garden or have you just abandoned ship on that oh i'm tending to it yeah i mean there's not much tending these days it's just

you know watering what looks like it's about to die uh claire do you any gardening out there you got a garden out in pei uh we have a raised bed that's the term okay if i wasn't familiar with that term i thought maybe it was an island thing but um and that's the confusing thing too about being here so many things i just haven't heard of in my life i assume is an island thing but it's it's just my own i don't like when i went to halifax everybody said or maybe it's newfoundland and they said like the kitchen party was a thing that they invented and i was like every party you go to everybody hangs out yeah but they really uh that's their branding they've branded it that way yeah but it's a weird thing to say that you are that thing when it's

like a thing everybody does have you ever seen seen the movie Kitchen Party with Scott Speedman? I have, yeah. And Sarah Strange? Gary Burns directed it. Just sounds like you're making a name now. And my friend, past guest A.J. Bond was in it. That's right. And he also made a movie called Way Downtown that was about people that were...

Yes, it was a Calgary movie. Yeah, having a... A Calgary movie? Yeah, it was set in Calgary and all the buildings that are connected by plus 15s. What are plus 15s? You're from Edmonton. Yeah, you should know plus 15. What are plus 15s?

They're the walkways between buildings that are like 15 meters off the ground. Oh, I've never heard that term before well get to it you know what i mean the movie kitchen party is it about a kitchen party yeah scott speedman's in it yeah scott speedman uh what he was scott speedman in an x-men movie is i thinking the right guy yeah i don't know who scott speedman is and if-men movie is i think you're the right guy yeah i don't know

who scott speedman is and if he was in felicity i know i know i know i know from felicity i mean i had a lot of pictures in my collage of him but i was like what is he from my dreams i guess yeah yeah um but yeah did you dave you do any collage work in your youth? No. Well, just my wall, but not collages. No. Like, I didn't, I mean, I guess I... It was more, you were more choosy than to just... Yeah, I mean, I guess I had a lot of pictures of Hulk Hogan, too, and I cut the eyeballs out and I collaged them together.

And I said, yeah, we will be together or you'll be dead. But no one saw it, and wasn't no cause for concern yeah yeah yeah it's just uh well certainly he didn't see it not without his eyes not without my daughter uh dave what's going on with you man well not much uh we haven't recorded in a couple of weeks because I went away for a week. Yeah, that's right. Had a little holiday. We had a little holiday. Abby and I kind of had two holidays in one. Nice.

Wow. Yeah. So it was our 10-year anniversary of our marriage. And we got in a car, our car, and we drove. We stole a car. We stole a and we drove. We stole a car. We stole a Lincoln Continental. We stole a Lincoln Continental, and we drove our kids to their grandparents on Gabriola Island.

We dropped them off, and then we went and took a three-day trip, just the two of us, Abby and I, and we haven't had any quiet since the pandemic started so it was we just went to a hotel and like we had we had we were like okay let's binge a show because that's what you want to do well yeah because yeah i don't get the chance to i know um and abby was like uh it was abby watch abby manages to watch everything and i don't so we had to like find the thing that we both wanted to watch eight hours of and so let me guess let me guess okay felicity yeah we watched the first eight episodes of Felicity

only 600 to go I have one show in my mind that I'm like god I hope it's this show what is it I want to hear what it is no you can say

your prediction yeah I just I hope it's Ted Lasso oh no yeah I tried I tried watching that

I didn't like it okay well I'm gonna see you guys later bye Oh, no. I tried watching that. I didn't like it. Okay, well, see you guys later. Bye. If I were to pan out the room right now, it would be all just a collage of Ted Lasso. Yeah. With his mustache cut out.

We will be together. We watched season three of Fargo. Oh, nice! Okay, I'm not mad at that. That just does definitely, uh, show how far behind you are on binging shows. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Was it the Mark forward? It was the season with Mark forward. And so he's been on twice since he was on the show. And I, uh, on your show twice. Yeah. Okay. That makes it. Okay.

Yeah. And I, both times he's been on, I, uh, like the first time he was on, it was right when Fargo was coming out and I was like, he's been on your show twice? Yeah. Okay, that makes... Okay, yeah. And both times he's been on, like the first time he was on, it was right when Fargo was coming out, and I was like, do you die? Do you die in it? And he was sworn to secrecy.

He couldn't tell me if he died in it. Because the previous... He plays a cop, and the previous seasons had had like... I think they both had like big shootouts with the cops. Yeah, that's right. Where like a character of his echelon dies yes yeah uh and then uh uh and then he was on like a year later and i still hadn't watched it

but then we finally watched it and i don't think he dies i don't remember i think he dies you do yeah yeah yeah there's's something where he's like locking up late at night yeah the guy lets him out though I was just trying to think hmm I'm like

was he like did like a bookcase fall over on him or something like I feel like I remember him in like a yeah

huh I still don't know I guess yeah we'll have to have him back on yeah but you binged that's the show you binged and

you don't know that's right okay uh and then we we had some nice dinners together we went back it was so we met originally in victoria and we went one day we drove back into victoria and we went to uh uh we went out for dinner and we walked into Victoria and we went to, uh, uh, we went out for dinner and we walked around downtown and went to like all the places we drove around the university where we went. And then, uh, oh wow. So much has changed. Cool.

Can we stay in the car? Yes. Uh, and then we drove past, uh, there was a place we used to live and like a few houses down, there was this guy who we nicknamed Guy La Trash. Guy La Trash, that's good. He was a trash guy. Because his yard was covered in trash. It was just covered in old, like he had a boat. I think the year we lived near him, he had like a bunch of old cars up on blocks he had an rv up on blocks and then

that year he got a boat and we were like wow this guy's really collecting things yeah and 20 years later we were like let's go by and see if he's still there yeah we drove we turned up the street and as soon as we saw his yard We both went, whoa! And we were so happy Because not only is he still there He's got way more stuff He's got like three or four RVs now He's got stuff on his property

He's got stuff parked across the street Wow! Yeah, that was a real highlight of the weekend But that's the thing too If you like buy a house Which nobody the thing too if you like buy a house which nobody can anymore but if you can buy a house you don't know who if you could live next to one of those junk guys and then that just is part of your life every day yeah yeah i know a couple junk lawns here in vancouver and i feel bad for the people who are on either side of it

because do you know anybody do you ever seen anybody that lives near like a house with like a, just a million lawn ornaments? Yes. Just like lawn ornament overboard? Yeah. It's, you don't see it as much. Do I see it as much as I used to?

Did I used to see it a lot? I don't know. But yeah, lawn ornaments. I know, I know a couple in Victoria actually, where it's like over the top. What are like gnom they? Gnomes?

Gnomes. The one I knew of, there was a big polar bear in the middle. Whatever they could find, they just couldn't resist it. If they saw something that belonged on a lawn, they just must have gotten it. Lots of different animals. Yeah, and things that wind,

things that blow. It's a guy sawing a log or whatever yeah show me what that wind do yeah exactly the uh yeah it's a weird it's it's hoarding like with if this guy like from 20 years ago if this guy's lawn was covered in cars that are still there then like whatever's in his mind it like what he's going to do with these cars is not going to happen no that's true right like he's not he's not do you think that he knows that no yeah yeah he probably is he's the last to know that he's not going to fix but also like you have you ever done that when you collected

something and then like you were too fanatical about it and then you kind of stood back we're like holy shit what am i doing with my money it's more like clothes that i kept that i was like well i might be an extra large next year yeah i might fit into this sailor suit wait you're saving clothes that are bigger than you are? Yeah, in case I really bulk up. That seems nice. Yeah, it would seem nice. You know, I've been, I guess I'm just injecting the steroids wrong.

Just you have one giant leg that's just all like veiny and crazy yeah i've been doing it between my toes so no one can see and i guess it doesn't reach the rest of my body yeah it just gets it caps out in the thigh um yeah but did you have that day where you're collecting things or just just the outfits not well i mean yeah probably i have a lot of stuff uh nothing comes to mind specifically like i'm never gonna fix anything and i've never been i've never tricked i've never convinced myself i would yeah like i i collected records for a while and i was like well you like it's just having it was the thing finding it and buying it because i never listened to them i'd like maybe listen to them once and then put them

on a shelf so like i had to i had to get rid of them i had to get rid of most of them because it was too tempting to become like a record guy and i know which nobody likes nobody's interested in that uh claire did you have a collection collecting phase? Not really, no. I don't think so. I mean, I buy records but I don't think in any kind of unhealthy way. Well, how many do you buy a week is the question? Less than one.

What? Okay, yeah, you're right. That's not a problem. I mean, you hate records, that's for sure. That's a problem and you call yourself a record collector i don't the other thing we did well the other thing we watched was the uh the woodstock 99 documentary yes i watched that as well that you should see it it's good it is good and it's probably wouldn't like it oh i see what you're doing the uh you'd like it but like fred durst just the past like two weeks or whatever came back and performed somewhere he's got this crazy head of hair first of all i always thought he was bald

that's why he shaved his head and had a hat was that not a wig he was wearing maybe it is a wig yeah it looks very wiggy. Did it? I think so. But he was wearing red sunglasses and had like a beard and when he was on stage singing Nookie it was like it was hilarious because that's not a song that's aged well and he's like, that's what people want.

Yeah, it was always hilarious. Um, so this documentary This documentary It's good it's uh uh there were big riots and uh people were sliding around in uh sewage because they thought it was like it was so there yeah like the original woodstock people there was mud yeah but this time there was no rain So when people were sliding around in mud, they were literally like between porta-potties. Do you guys like this?

Is this what you guys are into? Yeah, we endorse this. No wonder you didn't like Ted Lasso. And like they interviewed a bunch of the people like there was all this rap rock uh you know your corn yeah from corn it seems really nice kid rock doesn't seem as nice yeah no i buy i can believe both those things dmx he really brought down the house but then there was a whole issue of like him calling and responding to the audience and them singing a lyric

unmask so that was a weird was he down with it he couldn't be reached for comment yeah that's true he wasn't but like at one point they showed what the offspring guy looks like now and he's like

just looks like a suburban guy but he had sunglasses on because it still makes him cool Scott Stapp from Creed looks great he's had his teeth done he's had a great tan did you

watch it on TV when it was happening live the woodstock no i i mean i knew it was happening and i didn't watch it live but i i guess i kind of followed it i didn't like any of those bands yeah but it was on much music so i watched the whole thing even though i didn't like the bands but i wanted to just be a part of it, you know? Oh, I didn't miss. But yeah, the, uh, uh,

did like, what was your favorite part of the documentary? Cause I loved it. I love that documentary and watch it again. My favorite part was when, uh, Limp Bizkit got off stage and I heard Fred Durst, Fred Durst, um,

on the footage. He was like, was it our fault? He was just such a little whiny baby one of my favorite things in it is like the organizer red hot chili peppers were gonna close out the night and the organizer went to red hot chili peppers like you gotta con this audience down because they're like starting to light fires and stuff and so then they went on stage and like played let me stand next to your fire.

Like while they lit things on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they're so cool. Yeah. It was, it was, uh,

it was a great, it's a great documentary. Great scene. Yeah. Great time of our history. Great anniversary. Great anniversary. absolutely.

Um, I get it. I mean, a lot of people don't know I'm romantic. Great time of our history. Great anniversary. Great anniversary. Yeah, absolutely. I get it. I mean, a lot of people don't know I'm romantic. I'm such a romantic guy, but I was like, baby, we're watching the Woodstock 99 documentary. I know how much you love rap rock. And then we're going to go drive by the house of the guy with all the cars. Yeah, you knock on the door. It's Fredred durst he's wearing a different wig pardon me i just misplaced my hair do you know those houses like at christmas time that do the like the front yard display and then they have like the lights going but you can tune into a

radio station have you seen those oh wow no like tune into a radio station like they have a song that's like tuned up with their i don't know i just imagine that maybe that would be an adelaide like maybe you did that with the guy's yard and like your wife's favorite rap rock broken headlights flashing yeah i mean in my, in our neighborhood, there's, people have like a big display out front for the kids and somewhere in the back for mom and dad. And you tune into it and it's still rap rock. Yeah.

It's like freak on a leash. Yeah. So yeah, it was a wonderful weekend. And then we went and had a little island vacation and that was a nice too nice good break good break i needed it man yeah man so it's not it's not easy lifting over there at the shumka household no it's nice to jump into a lake it's nice to uh impossible to get sand off of your feet To step on a rock by accident Step on a crack

Is Shumka Your stage name? Shumka's your stage name And Stiles is your real name? Yeah, Davey Stiles No, I have a stage name and a podcast name and a real name And you know what? I've got a lot of different names because

I'm a spy What's going on with you, Graham? You know what? I've got a lot of different names because I'm a spy. What's going on with you, Graham? Not very much because whilst you were away, and when you were back, I guess, there was this air quality went down in the toilet here in Vancouver. Oh, yeah. So I ended up just staying inside all the time. And so, like, the only things that I have to talk about are things that happened within my building.

And so Dave knows this as an ongoing thing. I hate my neighbors upstairs. I hate them so much. Hated them from the moment they moved in. They clomp around like crazy. They have a baby. How long have you been living where you're living, Graham? I'm sorry that I'm.

Almost two years. Okay. Yeah. Are you by yourself? Nope. I'm... Almost two years. Okay. Are you by yourself? Nope. I'm with a mate. With a mate. Yeah, that's what we call it in the Wild Kingdom. With a partner?

Yeah, a partner. Yeah. It's a cowboy. It's a partner. I say, hey, partner. And then we have a nice whiskey drink a lager drink cider drink and a vodka drink but like we sing the songs that remind us of the campfires we sing the songs that remind called them the clompersons uh they because they like i think whoever lived up there before must have had a ton of rugs because we never heard anybody walking upstairs and now all of a sudden everything is clomp clomp clomp

and they had so the you you thought that it was this specific couple and their baby yes and then you met those people and they were like no we don't live there yeah and then they became our favorite people in the building uh because the they're cool and so uh so it was somebody else it took a while to figure out who it was it was upstairs and so there was a lot of csi uh you know i saw them in the laundry room and i don't know who that person is so maybe she's living above uh or is it uh you know this guy so figured out who it was and he like okay there's a couple guesses on the table of what's going on upstairs the best guess so far is that there's a it's like a 90 day fiance situation uh because uh

she's from russia and is out of his league so it feels like it might be that kind of situation they have a baby the baby you did figure out who it is yes yeah you just don't know their situation and this has when you say 90 day fiance this has been going on for more than 90 days yes oh yeah but you know and i like i think he maybe was an anchor husband or whatever you would want to call it what uh dream so the views of Graham Clark do not reflect the views of Stop Podcasting Yourself or Maximum Fun.

What was my view on it? 90 Day Fiancé is good or bad? She's an anchor. He was an anchor husband. Yeah, which I'm not sure is a thing. They had an anchor baby? They had an anchor baby. And the baby is so colicky or something because the baby really screams a lot all the time.

And I feel so bad for them because of this. But they... How long has this baby been around? Say 10 months? Oh, that's a lot of colic. Yeah. Like poor, the baby's like just crying all the time and and then uh so the other day i was watching a movie and there was i could hear like something

going on upstairs and i so i just turned down the movie a little bit and they were having the biggest fight and you like i'm sure the whole building must have heard it. They were yelling at each other and, but the guy was yelling. What did the baby have to say? I guess the baby was just like, this, I'm the opposite. I like this. I like noise. It's only when it's quiet that I get colicky.

But I don't, you know, I went upstairs because I was afraid that it was like a domestic. Knock down, drag out. Yeah, yeah. So I went upstairs and kind of listened in, and it was just them fighting. But they really, he was saying fuck a lot, which I've been in fights. I don't say fuck ever. It's very aggressive, right, to be in a fight and say fuck this and fuck that.

That seems like a really aggressive kind of person, right? Oh, I guess. Yeah. and fuck that that seems like a really aggressive kind of person right oh yeah i guess yeah i mean i mean you i've heard you say it without being in fights i guess i thought we were gonna fight this whole time this is such a relief to find out you're not fighting with me yeah um what what um when how what what's your demeanor when you're in a fight i don't swear i uh you not if it's somebody that i know i'm not gonna swear and it looks bad on my record when you fight strangers though yeah well i let it fly my god we fight strangers yeah um but yeah i went upstairs and listened and i i didn't hear anything that was like slamming or anything like there was just people yelling and this then one thing really put something in perspective is at one point he said i i don't know what you're talking about. I came straight home from jujitsu. So another layer has unveiled itself.

Yeah. Yeah. So he's a man that does, uh, there's a little jujitsu. People do jujitsu and they're not, they're allowed to have verbal fights. Yeah.

I'm not allowed to have physical fights. Yeah, that's right. And so he was jujitsu man. and then all of a sudden everything fell into place of why the there's always this like crazy clunking around is because he's practicing fucking jujitsu in his apartment because it's not around all the time it's just like occasionally it's like the walls are shaking and oh so he's not just walking. No, he's like jumping around. Do you think he has mats?

Oh, I don't think so. This seems like it's right on the wood. Do you know what they look like? Yeah. Okay, does he look tough? No, he looks kind of like... Me? No, he looks like a character that Steve Buscemi would play.

Yeah. A lot of those guys do jujitsu. That's like the main demographic. I think. Yeah, we do. I mean, they do.

But yeah, so the ninjutsu thing, it's suddenly everything made sense. Yeah. What? Boy, have you, you did,

did you do karate as a young boy i your brothers did my brothers took kung fu and uh as the story goes when they took kung fu they took revenge on me for all the beatings i'd given them when i was bigger than them and i deserved it i deserved every punch and kick and pressure point so oh boy the pressure points are the worst yeah it's like how do they know but yeah so that's like all of a sudden everything made sense so now i've taken to doing the old comic strip thing taking a broom and clomping it on the the ceiling no i know who you are yes he knows you're underneath him no he said he's not clever enough to know that because i'm in apartment 102 he's in 202 i don't think he's put it together that he lives above how big is the building like are there

many people are there many characters in this yeah i mean it's uh he doesn't have enough it's only two floors right yeah two floors so uh oh no there's a main floor so i guess it's one three floors technically but yeah there's a lot of local characters the guy that walks with those uh walking uh what do you call them like uh skiing poles pole spent for walking. Oh, sure. There's that guy. And there's the person that leaves their laundry in the dryer for a day and a half. And then you have apartment people. Is that someone that you have a face to? Or is that just a...

No, I don't know who that is. But I do know their... You have a lot of crimes to solve here. Yeah. I know what clothes they wear. So if I ever see them in a matching garment i'll be able to zero in on them yeah yeah exactly for the home listener claire did a very good little act out of staring at underwear yeah it looked like an underwear bra maybe yeah

a guy bends down in front of you and you see his underwear and it flashes back oh yeah the dryer yeah it's like memento all of a sudden i remember the laundry room that's right um uh so yeah there's uh there's that's going on so now you should make your wi-fi something to oh shut up upstairs hey jujitsu knock it off that kind of thing i Hate jujitsu? Knock it off? That kind of thing? Yeah, I hate jujitsu. Jujitsu hater 29. Jujitsu is stupid. I challenge you to a fight jujitsu man. I'm in apartment three. Come get a beating. Does your, is there any like, I get, I'm part of like the, what's the name of it the neighborhoody app where you

see oh next door next door yeah uh is it is there like an apartment only app where you can like complain no but what there is is this series of notes that people will leave saying don't leave this here whose thing is this and then there's just some nice ones like how are you feeling today and you can write underneath happy or sad so it's all notes notes everywhere do you participate no uh i no no i was trying to think of maybe i've done something uh i haven't left junk mail near the notes, so I think that counts for something. They bring it all the way upstairs to then throw it again. But yeah, so I know

the neighbor's upstairs. I know another layer has been revealed. And yeah, so there you go. The saga continues. Yeah, the saga rages on. Should we do some overheards? Okay.

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Overheard. overheard overheards a segment where if you live in an area where other people are maybe you're lucky enough to hear something you know what if you're a lip reader maybe you're lucky enough to read something and uh it's a good thing to report here on the podcast and we always like to start with the guest claire could you tell us something you've overheard? Okay, I can. Mm-hmm. Okay, no further questions. Yeah, go right ahead.

I'm just stalling for you guys. So I don't know what it was like in Vancouver, but in Toronto, the only means of fun was just to drink in a park yeah yeah yeah we had that so i did a lot of that and um i was sitting in a park one night with some friends there's lots of other people in the park and and like from like the trees there was like one man sitting alone and uh he was just like kind of like yelling out some weird stuff for a while and then he started to sing singing in the rain and he was just he was really belting it out and like the park kind of went quiet was just listening to him

and he was really doing a great job and then like the last bit he like really sent it home like he really brought it home just really stuck the landing of the song big finish and everyone in the park clapped for him uh and and then uh everyone clapped and the clapping like died down a minute and then he was like uh he's like thank you it pays to be on acid or something like something and and everyone in the park laughed like big laugh and then uh like everyone was just loving this guy but then he got on his longboard and started to like longboard kind of towards everyone and then everyone was like oh no like he's getting close i don't want to talk to him like oh no like he's getting close i don't want to talk to him and then like he longboarded right by and like oh he felt like this big sigh of relief in the park and then he like kind of

longboarded out of sight and behind a corner and just kind of like everyone was kind of like oh and then uh all of a sudden you heard this dog go like, and this guy go like, Oh good. Fuck it. And just like loses mind. And then everyone in the park burst out laughing again. This guy can really play a park. He's got level.

Yeah. Time to do my big closer. Fighting with my dog. Make sure the dog's ready. You realize you go again. He does the exact same set yeah yeah oh yeah oh man yeah that is definitely like what i compared it to in my mind it's like yeah yeah big i don't know you know like a lot of people are like the don't you stand up or like you know can't be that hard i could do it but then it's actually harder than you think and then like a lot of people would see that and be like oh yeah it'd be easy to kill in a park but

probably not probably not no yeah needs to be a guy yeah this guy's got the was it singing was it raining no when he was singing in the rain? Absolutely not. No, it was a beautiful night. What park was it? It was just behind. No, it was just behind. Yeah, I love Trinity Bellwood. I love those Toronto parks. It's just that little park that's just behind the art gallery. I'm a very sophisticated park goer.

Nice. Yeah, I just go to a garbage dump. I find a chair that somebody's thrown away you know where you gotta go is my cousin's lumber yard oh yeah they do a great show a great stand-up show i do i do like visiting the parks of toronto yeah um where's what's another one that i'm trying to pull another one out of my memory i really like dufferin grove that's my fave dufferin grove uh christy pitts christy pitts christy pitts i don't know i don't get it i know it's i don't love it but it's just the one i was thinking yeah great name and then you have christy pitts and dufferin grove because

there's usually like an entertaining like basketball game going on also nice little three on three i gotta assume they're bigger really yeah they're four on four one on four at like dufferin grove anyway they'd be like every i think it was like every night of the week like thursdays or something they'd be like big brown robin tournament going you mean red robin brown robin tournament going you mean red robin no you don't i was just saying like maybe if it was if it was sponsored by red robin brown robin brought to you by red robin uh dave do you have an overheard not really uh. Today I was driving on Broadway and I saw some road rage. Oh, jeez. I have two.

I have two kind of like car things. Okay. One, I was driving and I saw some road rage and this big pickup truck with Alberta plates. Oh, yes. pickup truck with alberta plates oh yes was changing lanes and cut off a tiny honda civic and then like did that thing where you put the brakes on and kind of like hey fuck you yeah brake not only for yeah brake checking uh because the person was they were that was being cut off was honking uh and so they uh they brake checked them and then the Honda Civic from behind

went around them, crossed over two lanes of traffic and crossed back two lanes of traffic to get in front of the pickup truck and then I was like, oh this might be dangerous I should stay back and then I was almost like, the light was changing and I was like well I don't want to

stay too far back, I just don't want to i i don't want to stay too far back i don't want to see what happened so i went through the orange light and uh and then they had like one the person one person from one car got out and like said something and then the other person from the other car got out and then one car like did a u-turn and turned around and i don't know they were mad at each other it It was entertaining for a while. I'm not good at stories. But the other scene I had was also today. I was at Home Depot. And I was in the parking lot.

And I saw someone in an SUV driving. And you could see the owner looked confused. And they were looking around and trying to figure out what was wrong. And I could see that they had done the thing that you really only see in TV shows, where they had driven over a pylon. Oh, wow, yeah. And they were, like, just pushing a traffic cone under them, like, as they were driving, and it was just grinding underneath them. Oh. That's perfect.

Yeah. was just grinding underneath oh that's perfect yeah i mean it must be a relief when your car is making a crazy noise and then you get out and you're looking like oh thank goodness yeah driven over an inanimate object yeah yeah somehow i've driven over a gumball machine and i've been thinking this is just my own incompetence it's not the car yeah i'll be fine this won't cost me any money and then they when i left home depot they were gone but the the pylon was still there oh shit so it's like it never happened yeah yeah pylon stands alone well i don't think you have to report a hidden i did i did i waited around i called the cops i waited around the cops showed up and i said i don't really remember anything about the car

but yeah have you also they told you specifically that this is an emergency number and you were like i'll call back yeah 9-1-1 again no no they said this is an emergency number and i was like i really have to pee so yeah yeah yeah. Yeah, it is an emergency. But also this person drove over a thingy. A cone. A traffic cone. Yeah. Graham?

City property, probably. Yeah, COV. And a lot of people during this pandemic have changed that COV into COVID. Oh, City of Vancouver into COVID. Oh, I didn't know what that was like. No. Yeah yeah it was probably Home Depot probably

yeah yeah yeah yeah I went looking I was trying to find some bamboo couldn't they didn't have any bamboo at Home Depot

yeah you gotta go to Chinatown man they got bamboo dealers down there in Chinatown that's like a stereotype yeah but it's true

that's where you can buy some good bamboo dude you gotta stop it well you didn't find any at home diva where are you gonna go i don't know canadian tire they're not gonna have bamboo a canadian tire oh thank god you've already made it clear that the views of gra Clark are not the views of Scott Parker. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's true. No, but honestly, everybody I know that's bought bamboo, that's where they've gone, to this one shop. Every one.

Every single one. Yeah, there's one shop. Yeah, there's one guy. It's not everywhere, but there's a guy that's a bamboo guy. Oh, okay. Oh, I respect that. But yeah, there's a bamboo guy. I don't know what his name is.

Does he have a brick and mortar shop? Yes. But that's where you'd go to get your bamboo. He's got a trench coat full. Yeah, he's up in the air. I went to the fancy Westside plant nursery and they had a $200 bamboo.

Jesus. I'm not buying a $200 bamboo. Jesus! I'm not going to buy a $200 bamboo. No, that's outrageous. What did you need it for? What were you after? I want to plant some bamboo in a pot. Like just a little bit of bamboo? No. Big bamboo.

This pot is acres by acres. My overheard comes courtesy of that fight that happened upstairs uh at one point yeah of course where else could it be from it's like this is a wealth of yeah it's up there and so at one point she was mad at him because he was sending text messages to his ex-wife oh and she said she said at one point that makes me very in feel very insecure and he said what do you mean insecure i've paid off our whole car so that was his big defense yeah of course i love you i've paid for the whole car i my ex-wife means nothing to me

but that was his go-to defense like hey come on don't treat me like this i paid off our car does his ex-wife does he have kids with the ex-wife that i don't know i mean you need to stick around longer otherwise he has no reason to to talk to the ex-wife yeah that's true but well wait about maybe it's um an ex-wife he's told her that it's the ex-wife yeah that's true but wait a minute maybe it's an ex-wife he's told her that it's an ex-wife but he's actually a bigamist he's going back and forth oh sure well that I respect

yeah if he says I'm going to jujitsu that's code for my ex-wife jujitsu he does jujitsu yeah and then I'm coming home real sweaty afterwards all my ex-wives live in texas oh graham there's a place in china town called bamboo village yeah but that could be like a restaurant too you guys are wrong it's where you get bamboo look one you want to get some you don't want to pay those high area a large selection of tropical pants plants oh

it sounds like graham is right bamboo product yeah you know what you know what the views of Graham Clark do represent. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm back. I'm back in the good books. I'm going to see if they have any plants that ace hardware. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from people all over the globe. You want to send one in to us? Send it to SPY at MaximumFun.org.

And the first one comes from dan in chicago hey dan i was at a car wash detail shop and i overheard an old lady talking to the cashier she calmly said my emergency is that i picked up a homeless man and he peed in the front seat of my car and the cashier said i'm sorry man but we don't have any openings today where were they they were at like a car wash detail shop in chicago oh yeah that is an emergency yeah but they you know she wanted to help the woman there but they got no they got no appointments what are you gonna do uh yeah yeah i mean don't yeah i don't want to tell you how to run your car but but run it over 50 for sure really yeah especially if there's a bomb on it but don't pick up any potential urinator yeah that's true don't pick up a stray dog don't pick up somebody that's kind of

like cross cross their legs and are kind of tugging at their crotch a little bit yeah someone with like a beer beer helmet on. I guess, yeah, people who do that would have to pee like an awful lot. Do they replace them as it goes on? Or is that just a one, a two beer situation? No, yeah, you're replacing those cans. That's cool. They're cool.

When I was a kid, I thought they were cool. I haven't really seen them. Maybe I've seen them twice in real life. Yeah, like i certainly haven't seen them in my adult life these beer hats but is that you know what we're talking about claire i absolutely know what you're talking about uh dave schumke davey styles and i i'm just kind of realizing that it's a much simpler concept than i had ever kind of thought yeah like i was always like how would you possibly ever have one of those but it's pretty simple simpler concept that i had ever kind of thought yeah like i was always like how would you possibly ever have one of those but it's pretty simple really yeah and it seems like a thing that would you know when stuff is coming back certain styles and stuff maybe it comes back

into fashion every 30 years or something like that look i don't know maybe yeah like bell bottoms exactly and like maybe there were a roman you know emperors that had but it was like giant flagons of of beer on the sides of their head of me the media exactly did your nose start whistling mine mine yeah no graham's i don't think so i've been hearing. Nevermind. Graham's nose whistled in the past. No, it just started like a minute ago.

Oh man. Maybe I've got some disorder where it just happens intermittently. Oh yeah. Um, this next one comes from Doug. I was, uh, he's in Denver. Uh,

this is Doug. It whistled again. I hear, uh, he's in Denver. Uh, this is Doug. It whistled again. Did it? I hear it too. Really? Wow. Let me blow my nose. I'll be right back. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Keep it going. Oh, no. I want to know what Doug said. I know Doug

in Denver when you're dead. I was, I am so glad it was Graham i i was sure it was me and you were your dog has not been barking it's true how close is he yeah he's just on the other side of the well actually i don't know where he is now okay you can't see him um is he how does he like you he really likes me we get along great what is a dog like that way he's 140 pounds holy shit that's the same weight as me that's exact same way that's me yeah 140 on the dot my doctor says you know what you could still stand to lose 20 pounds your doctor's mean uh your dog but your doctor

only said that because he's like I kind of like guys who are 130 also it's a she doctor hope she delivers her son or whatever hope that she delivers her son I'm not worried about doctor I'll deliver my own son

I guess I got that wrong that's on me what did doug say what did doug say this is doug doug from denver i was in line to buy a coffee behind two women with earbuds in when one of them took off her mask leaned towards her friend's ear and said i hope there are no criminals or amish people on our flight loud enough loud enough that everybody in line could hear. So I think that somebody's protesting too much, you know, like, yeah,

Hey, it better not be any criminals. And she's got like a giant Amish beard and she's had enough for a run. Rum Springer. Rum Springer. Do Amish people fly? No, I don't think so.

Are they allowed to fly somewhere? They can't fly their own planes. But can they sit on the plane? I just, sorry, I just walked in. I wouldn't have known to make that distinction either. They're not allowed to fly their own planes? That's like a... Yeah.

Well, they're not allowed to drive their own cars. Yeah. But they can... Planes are pulled by horses to the end of their... And then they fly away. They can... Rollerblade. They can?

Yeah. Cool. Because it's, like, not new technology. There's... Apparently, there's... Rollerblades are, like, old technology? Well, they're wheels, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, Claire. But apparently, I've heard that there's certain communities that use a very basic computer that they to like oh amish community yeah yeah like with a screen and stuff yeah but with electricity uh yeah i guess they're kept at some some place off site and you can go and use this computer and send an email or some hate mail or do some comments on a website. You know, all the things. Make a virus.

Yeah, make a virus. This last one. That would be like the biggest burn if you were a computer company that was like we make the Amish computer. Like these guys make the Amish computer like these guys make the amish computer yeah think different we've been making the amish computer for 80 years yeah yeah it's a pancake this last one comes from robert f i was in a pub and pinned up behind the bar what was supposed to be a very sweet

Father's Day school project. There was a portrait of the dad drawn in pencil and a number of typed sentences where the kid could write in their own answers about their dad. My dad's favorite food is blank. My dad's favorite color is blank. I have one of these.

Do you? You've got the same the same setup uh one of the uh fill in the blanks was my dad's favorite color is blank one of uh one of these sentences was my dad makes the best and the child written in love that's something you see in the backyard of these Christmas houses. That kid probably snuck in the backyard and saw what was going on in the Christmas house. Recon a leash. Yeah, my daughter made one of those. And it was like, my dad is good at, I forget what she said.

Fixing things, maybe? Sure. My dad is not good at blank. And she wrote, baking. I'm fine at baking. Yeah, he's bad at making my mom feel secure because he has not paid off the car. Yeah, that's true. I did pay off the car with no thanks to my ex-wife

in addition to overhears that are written and uh we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's uh spy pod one spy as in my other job. How about that? Game plan. Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Brent in New York. I was calling in for an overheard. I was walking by on the phone, and she goes,

yeah, well, I hired somebody to move my mattress, and they took it to London. Love you. I hired someone to move my mattress, and they took it to London. Love you. They took the mattress. I hired someone to move my mattress and they took it to London. Yeah. I mean, I guess.

Like, would you, I don't know. They got mattresses in London as well. You can pick one up there. Yeah. But like, yeah, if you're a mover, I mean, I guess. Boy, I think I've only hired movers once. And we didn't check to see if they would steal all their stuff. But that would be a good move for a mover i mean i guess boy i think i've only hired movers once and we didn't check to see if they would steal all their stuff but that would be a good move for a mover yeah like the final day of your moving career just steal whatever you know whatever well i guess you make your last day the

best haul that you could possibly get uh-huh oh yeah you you the big score. Yeah, exactly. Charles Foster Kane's house. Yeah. Move that, Rosebud. Take it on flight. So, these people made off with a mattress on a plane. Was it London, Ontario, perhaps? That's what I was thinking, yeah. From New York? I guess you could. That's the most obvious

move. But if you're in New York and you're walking by someone on the phone and you're saying, yeah, they took it to London. You're in New York and you're walking by someone on the phone and you're saying, yeah, they took it to London. You're in New York. Yeah, but London, Ontario's got, they've got a paintball right downtown. Yeah, but if you were going to, if you're from New York, they could just take the mattress

on Concord to London. Be there so fast. Yeah. Is the Concord the one that has like two levels and a spiral staircase no no what is that it was just very fast that's just a new that's one with two levels and a yeah concord was a plane yeah concord was a big plane when i was a kid one of the most famous planes when i was a kid yeah dave had a collage set up of all the different cool airplanes this is just reminding me that the last time i was

on the podcast dave you had just gotten back from a work trip to i want to say london yeah that's right were you on at the end of 2019 or the start of 2020 yeah that's when i was on yeah that was like my my uh my my co-worker and i who both went to London like the first year of the pandemic we were all like oh remember when we went to London that was the best I could really go for like beans on toast right now we had like one good breakfast and it was all we could think about for a year well I won't be in the office today because of the big virus but when we get together

gonna be baked beans on toast some mushy peas and like a broadway show or something oh yeah we went to see uh death of a salesman with uh on broadway the musical with punk from uh uh the wire oh yeah nice wait was it a musical though no okay yeah and it wasn't broadway it was the west bunk from The Wire. Oh yeah, nice. Wait, was it a musical though? No. Okay, yeah. And it wasn't Broadway, it was the West. And your next phone call. Hello Dave and Graham and if there is a guest, then hello guest.

My name is Tom, I'm from Boston and I overheard something. I was at a Barnes and Noble suitably vaccinated and masked up as you do and I was in the aisle next to where they sell Legos and other toys and I heard an adult man say Minecraft Lego. That is a product

I would not buy today. Well, off I go. That's a harsh hackle. And I'm thinking not so much. And I buy pretty much every lego you just lost a big customer lego uh yeah uh yeah there's uh at the pharmacy i noticed like sometimes the pharmacy or something

will have like extra old products that are like they'll be like they're valentines from batman begins or something like that and there's a a ledge full of funko pops and one of them is andy summers from the police like is that what yeah the guitarist yeah the guitarist but there's no sting or anything it's just no andy summer sold out of sting and coflin yeah so anyways if you're looking for an andy summers uh funko pop just give me drop me an email and yeah i'll try here's your final overheard hi david impossible guest this is michael in st louis uh i was just driving, still driving, and I saw somebody walking along the sidewalk.

They're just walking clear with purpose and then stops and kind of looks up and makes some hand motions forward and back and scratches their chin and turns around and starts walking back the direction they were coming. And it was just such an obvious moment of rethinking your direction. This is trash. This isn't an overseen.

Okay. I'm sorry, guys. Have a good night. Bye. This is trash. I really liked that one. I do that too. Sometimes if I'll be walking across the street or walking in the wrong direction I feel like I have to put on a little bit of a show

where I'm like hmmm no, according to my calculations I need to go to the porno store over here I'll go in this porno store and ask for directions, I'm very lost Oh I like the scratching of the chin as a

Oh no What would Magellan do? Like the scratching of the chin as a... Aha, yes. Oh, no. What would Magellan do? Well, that brings us to the close of this here episode. Claire, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you. Tell us about your album. Yeah, tell us about this album you dropped. Don't you want to hear about the drive-thru or Warb of P.I.?

Yeah, okay. Don't you want to hear about the drive-thru or what about PEI? Yeah. Okay. I put out an album with comedy records. It's called The Entire Cabbage, and it's available everywhere. Nice. So you should listen to it. Was this live from PEI? Live from PEI.

Yeah. Nice. Cool. Yeah. It was at a beautiful venue called The Trailside. Trailside. If you're ever in Charlottetown and you want to catch a live performance, usually music, it's an incredible venue.

The Trailside. I dig it. Who did? Brad Dorian? Doron. You're saying it like he's from New Brunswick. That's right. There's a distinction there. Duran. You're saying it like he's from New Brunswick. That's right.

Yeah, there's a distinction there. And we apologize. Yeah, I'm very sorry. I would like to avenge all of my killers. And thank you all, you people out there, for listening to the show. You know, come on back next week tell your friends bring some friends with you next week we've got plenty to go around

so bring some friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.