Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 704 - Ivan Decker

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

Comedian Ivan Decker returns to talk pandemic wedding, Aliens, and Xanadu.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 704 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's a boy oh boy, falls right around the corner. He is the man of fall, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm, you know, I'm pumpkin spicing my driveway right now. So that when, you know, when I pull out of the morning people get a little bit of that uh you know nutmeg smell um and you i see in the background you have what i think is a

fall coat hanging on the hanger it is a coat i was uh i had brought it downstairs to measure it and uh i still have to bring it upstairs i was looking at a different coat online that yeah i'm not to get that other coat. Too big. And that coat probably feels very betrayed by the fact that you're using it to buy another coat. I like that you were just measuring the coat instead of yourself. Well, I'm not getting a... I'm not going to buy a skin-tight coat.

I was measuring another coat that was similar that i that fits me right but i'm shut up i've uh i i was i all of my coats are betrayed because i don't this whole year i've just been like leaving the house in the morning for maybe 20 minutes and then coming home like i don't i know your coat is like where were you yeah i no longer dress in a way that i'm like i'm gonna wear this for the day like i i the clothes i leave the house in i never need like a shoe what's the shoe i'm gonna have yeah you know at the office and then dinner and Not that I ever was like, let's go to dinner. Let me introduce our guest to you. So now I just dress in like a, I just need the fastest on and off shoe. Just a lot of tearaways.

You're getting a lot of tearaway shoes. That voice you're hearing, that's our guest for today. He's the very, very funny, very accomplished stand-up comedian. He's on the Yuck Yucks Fast Track. Watch him grow. Mr. Ivan Decker's our guest. Oh, hey, guys. This is such a treat.

This is a treat for us. I don't know if it's a treat for you, but it's a treat for us. Oh, yeah. I've been, I love every time I'm on here. It's always the best. You were the inventor of Chili Chilman, which still to this day makes me smile whenever I think about it. Oh, man. Chili Chillman is, he was canceled, unfortunately.

Yeah. Wasn't his, I remember his catchphrase. Were you also on the episode with, because this was around the time we were getting a lot of fan art. Was this, were you also on the episode with the old was around the time we were getting a lot of fan art was this a were you also on the episode with the old man in the sea dracula no no he i can't remember his chili chillman and he had like a real raunchy slogan yeah and a couple of people drew what they thought chili chillman would look like it was a penguin he was a cool penguin if i yeah oh man bring back fan art you guys are not getting the same volume of fan art anymore well we changed so much everybody's putting it on deviant art now

they're trying to turn into an nft nobody wants to put anything up for free they put everything on deviant art um we mostly talk slenderman and um whoever trevor henderson or whatever that guy's name is who's trevor henderson um so uh is that his name wait a minute who's trevor henderson trevor henderson yeah google trevor henderson and then you get a lot of spooky images uh once when margo was in kindergarten they had um kindergarten they had um like the pandemic hit in march and so the last three years or three months of school were over zoom and it was uh one day for show and tell this one of margo's classmates this five-year-old boy was talking about uh how much he loves trevor henderson and i googled it and i was like why is a five-year-old boy looking at i'm terrified of these like spooky long-fingered images oh man all right i'm gonna google this hold on um ivan yeah do we want to get to know us yeah

let's get to know us get to know us Trevor Henderson musical artist yeah that's the guy for some reason that comes up oh yeah these are spooky it's like a lady's head in a lake whoa hey well if her body's also in the lake that's just

somebody swimming which is fine right yeah it's true her head actually is the only thing that isn't in the lake it's above the surface yeah well that's fine um all right uh ivan tell us tell us what's been going on you've so much has happened since the last time you were on the podcast yeah it's been it's been a while yeah like last time you were here did you had you already done your netflix special i don't i don't know i did that in uh 2018 no way really in the summer and then it aired new year's day 2019 right yes so it had been out and then uh since then uh fill us in uh you know the pandemic hit yeah i got married yeah you got itched how was that uh it was it was

great i mean we were it was obviously uh touch and go because we got engaged before we knew that there was going to be a global health crisis so we had made and my wife emily is like such a great planner so she planned everything like so what she does for a living is like part of her oh can i interrupt i got a i got one so the wedding was touch and go and the honeymoon was go and touch dave how you have a time out now and think about what you've just been go and touch and then sanitize. Touch again. But yeah, we were basically like, okay, we've got it all planned out. And then they were like, okay, you can only have 50 people. And so we decided to postpone to 2021 because we thought, okay, well, by next year, it'll be done.

And 2021 came around and I was like, you can have 10. And we were like, we better do it or I'm not even going to be allowed to go. That's like, yeah, that's some terrible strategizing yeah it really did not work out in our favor we're betting on ourselves yeah and you're just whittling down that guest list like okay well you know uncle charlie's not coming and uh grandma's out yeah so the end result was just our two families save uh one of emily's sisters who uh lives across the country couldn't make it and so doesn't care for you yeah yeah and also my dad didn't go so it was like a lot of uh quite small but it's still very nice um we put it up on on youtube people watched it oh you're gonna do a zoom wedding i was like why i don't need them to talk to me i'm just gonna stream it like i don't know why people

like we did a zoom wedding like what for like do you want you look at other people like are they typing in the chat like ah cool like yeah yeah so we're just like we'll stream it you can talk to us after we're kind of in the middle of a thing. We don't have time to interact. During your vows, you can hear somebody eating a bag of potato chips just as loud as the vows. Yeah, it's like Zoom comedy shows where people forget their mic is on and they answer a phone call and their dog barks. It's great.

Hello, Linda. And you're like, God damn it. Whose voice is that? Yes, our son just got life insurance do you think the guy who wrote that ad had any idea that it would become like a cultural touchstone here in canada it's patrick it's patrick it was patrick patrick he got life insurance patrick wasn't a terribly impressive man so the fact that he got life insurance is like a big deal i mean do you guys have life insurance no no i don't think i have any insurance i have car insurance i guess yeah car insurance is good

because they won't let you drive around without it. Abby keeps taking out life insurance policies on me. I don't know why. She's like, Dave, don't you want to go boating this weekend? I'm like, what are you talking about? She's holding her phone up to you. Dave, something's weird going on in the garage. Yeah, I know. The cars are on.

Why are they on? You should have a nap in there. Think about why. It's weird that you can take life insurance out on anyone. Like it doesn't have to be. You can just be like, yeah, that guy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, uh, I don't get it. I,

myself, I, uh, uh, you know, I think it's fine if you have a family and such, cause you probably want to leave something behind but i'm willing to just freestyle it yeah honestly the uh life

insurance thinks i'm more valuable than i truly am that's great they think they see me uh having tremendous earning potential yeah i'll see i'll go on google and just type in your name and see what your net worth is. Oh, I did. You did? How much? Seven million. Nice. Oh, my God. I feel like I should have put on a hat or something.

And it says, Dave Shumka, the editor of Canadian Rally Championships, a TV show I used to edit, 28 000 a year yeah canadian rally championships seven million dollars paycheck yeah oh that's great that's great that's as good as it gets um i uh yeah like you drive right ivan yes yeah i just got a car a week ago so i'm new to the whole insurance and uh parking and uh this type of thing gas all this yeah you know car stuff it adds up i'm i'm a car share man here in vancouver but i have a car in la what are you driving down there uh it's a it's. Ooh, that's nice. Aren't Audis nice? Yeah, I got it pretty cheap because it's a stick

and nobody wants to drive a standard there. Why? People are dumb. Standard rules. I know, I love it. You drive standard? I don't know how to do that. You can figure it out, though.

You're smart. Okay. I'll take out a life and policy on you, and then you can just go ahead and try and learn in traffic. Go use it on this windy road. You know what the great place to learn to drive stick? Deadman's Curve. The Widowmaker.

So you and you have been during this whole thing you've been ping-ponging back and forth between uh canada and the states and like yeah exactly i'm trying to so i've been crossing the border like now you have to get a test before you fly and um show your vaccination status uh when you come in it just adds like there's an extra money element to flying now because you have to get a official covid negative result what does it run you 200 bucks each time canadian uh depends on where you are if you're in canada it's uh i think yeah i mean it's around it's like 179 bucks and then the la one is just a drive isthru. You just go through and they swab you and then email you the results. Oh. You gotta print it

yourself. The Canada one, I think they did. They printed it. So, you know, save it. Do you have a printer? I do. Yeah, me too. I had an ink printer in LA and it sat for too long. I bought that one that Shaq endorses where it's like, it's got so much ink! It doesn't even matter! Don't even for too long. And then I bought that one that Shaq endorses where it's like, it's got so much ink.

It doesn't even matter. Don't even worry about it. And then I left it and the ink dries in the nozzles. And then the printer is just like unusable. So I had to throw it away. You send a letter to Shaq directly and be like, just cause you're tall doesn't mean you can tell tall tales. There you go.

Shaq is so, it's like Shaq's policy is i will only do ad for advertisements for bad companies i will i will only do bad commercials i'll be great in them yeah but i don't want to be i don't want any like a high i don't want to come off as like a highfalutin yeah yeah i'm just a guy who uses icy hot like everybody else you know yeah yeah i'm an average joe um he uh yeah so like uh what do you how do you prove that you've got a vaccination at the because i don't i have a piece a card that i could have printed off anywhere and well they're gonna tell us tomorrow oh tomorrow okay like they've got in the states it's from the and it was weird for me because i got my first

dose in canada my second dose in california and so it was like everybody that made everybody's databases furious oh they're like you what and i was like can you just so when i got the second dose i showed them my like canadian one i was like can you write whatever this jibber jabber means on this one yours and they said all right like. Like it was, it was, it's so easy to get the vaccine down there. It was, I just went into like a pharmacy.

I was like, I need a vaccine. The guy's like, yeah, sure. I'll do it. And I was like, you're doing,

he's like, yeah, I mean, he's wearing a golf shirt. He's like, I have a seat. I got it in my pocket. It's in my pocket.

He just pulled it out. I was just going to play around with this blood pressure monitor all afternoon but um get over here yeah no it's easy to get it here too but i won't do it yeah good he refuses you know what he's fine with the vaccine but he doesn't want to know if he's ill that's his policy i went uh like a while ago just to have one done. Cause I felt like I had a little bit of like cold symptoms and I was like, okay, right to the test.

And I didn't like the guy was reading off the things, all the symptoms and like mine weren't enough to qualify to have the test. So then I backtracked and was like, oh yeah, diarrhea. You said diarrhea earlier. I definitely have that. No, that was different. that was part of a song i was singing diarrhea before i had one that came through really fast because i had food poisoning diarrhea

yeah that's what i'm talking about the diarrhea came through really fast yeah but i went with like every symptom and i didn't know that they prioritized the test based on like how many symptoms you have so i got the text in like 30 minutes it was like you don't have it i was like oh really because you were like you had enough symptoms to make it yeah fast-tracked i got i poisoned myself with a secret wendy's burger that i didn't tell emily about and then she was like why are you sick i was like i don't. Yeah. And you've been hiding it in like, what, like a mail carrying bag or something.

Where did you hold it? I'm not, it's not still a secret. It's like, why, why are you, little bites every day? Was the,

was it a secret? Like, why are you keeping food a secret from your wife? Uh, no, cause I went out to run an errand, and it was, like, our first time apart in a long time. So I was like, ah, I'll just drive through Wendy's while I'm out.

And then I had a... I was like, I'll get a burger. And then that burger... But I didn't want to tell her that I didn't bring her a burger. Like, I was being rude. Oh, that's why. So I was like, I ate a burger. I ate it really fast while I was driving the car.

And then that night it like attacked me. But then it was like, I didn't want to tell her. So she's like, I just don't know why you're sick. It couldn't be food poisoning because we've eaten the same thing every day for a year. Yeah, why can't I have diarrhea too? You say that we should do more things together. Yeah. It's a bit of a loony story.

Yeah. So what have you been up to? I mean, obviously somewhat the same as everybody else. It's been weird pandemic, but you got married. That's fantastic. What else has gone? I've done as much sort of stand up. You know, obviously stand up keeps opening up and then closing down again.

And so if there's ever an opportunity to do shows safely um i've done like a lot of outdoor shows there's yeah yeah some cool venues in vancouver that have have done it and uh people are wearing masks and all that stuff yeah trying to so i want to develop material because it's like you know that whole thing of like the pressure during the pandemic on artists was like, you know, Shakespeare wrote King Lear during the Black Plague. I'm like, I don't... I'm trying to live and I gotta fucking write King Lear?

I gotta write a play all of a sudden? Alright. Fade in. No, that's not right. Smash cut to King Lear. Adult. His brain is falling out of his ears his daughters are mean um yeah but so it's like hard for me to write material if i'm not trying it out you know i don't think it's it's crazy to just write like a long list of with with no also with no like end date no goal like i don't know when i'm even going to perform them so it's like kind of weird it was nice to get out

there was a guy that there was an urban legend about checked into a motel and wrote a whole new hour in like three weeks at this motel i was like but how did he know it was like i'm sure he wrote an hour but was it like five minutes good for us the 55 stinker yeah like i think if i tried to like write an hour and see like how much of this i would be uh like over generous if i said maybe 20 of it would be good and he did uh you said in three weeks he wrote an hour at a motel was all the material like hey a little soap is weird uh you know you ever notice how the cleaning lady knocks uh when you're still asleep that guy actually is hosting that new motel makeover show on nipwitz nice good gig good

gig if you could get it if you were to to get a reality show gig as like host, what type of show would we be looking at? Oh, I think I would want to host. I mean, I really wanted to host the Great Canadian Baking Show. So we really got into the baking show during the cannabis. We watched like every single British one. Then we watched the Canadian ones. Tried to find the

American one. Couldn't really find it. Yeah. America hasn't taken to it as much as other countries have, it seems. I think maybe it's too nice. I think it's not like other reality shows because the contestants, they don't hate each other. They kind of help.

Except for that guy that melted the ice cream. That was like a big... I don't know if you guys have watched it yeah you're familiar with the ice cream melting incident and there's another guy that dropped his cake into the garbage because he was so mad about it that's him that's the same guy same guy yeah okay yeah so they left someone else melted his ice someone melted his ice cream that's right and then he's like because sometimes they pick stuff. That guy really melts my ice cream, he does. They pick impossible tasks for them. They'll be like, you got to make an ice cream cake in a 37 degree tent in summer using only a vacuum cleaner. And you're like, what?

And it has to look like Coolio. Yeah. Because Coolio is going to be here. Special Judge Coolio. like coolio yeah because coolio's gonna be here special judge coolio so yeah i think i would love to host one where it's like you get to be kind of nice like noel fielding is so good on the british one yeah yeah he's hilarious and she's the the whole cast is so so nice they're so nice yeah apparently the two uh the original hosts uh sue Sue and what's the other host's name? I don't know.

We'll figure it out. I think it's Pam and Sue. Pam and Sue. Sounds good to me. They walked off the set on the first episode because they were like, that was too mean. You guys were too. This is too much like a regular reality show. Oh, really?

They were like, we're seeking out a nice, sweet show. Yeah. And they're like like we want a show that's kind and uh mel mel and sue sorry uh and yeah they they walked they were like we're not coming back tomorrow this is how it's going to be putting camera in people's face saying tell us about your dead gran like they they were like we want a nice show and so then they said they said okay we'll make it nicer and then that's why nice it is yeah being being i'm gonna get pam and sue to start advocating for me yeah it's mel and mel mel and pam who's pam i don't know pam's the other one what happened to

pam she was murdered she melted oh no and she melted oh and somebody threw her in the garbage yeah an irish man threw her in the garbage oh i mean mel melted no pam um yeah dave what kind of reality show would you host um probably one of the ones where they are everyone's horny yeah yeah yeah that's what i was thinking being like one of the ones where they are everyone's horny yeah yeah yeah that's what i was thinking being like being surrounded by horny people would be yeah because that's like one of my i don't have like the the tv host winning smile like i don't have that kind of like friendliness but i can't like and i can't fake it but i can be genuinely horny yeah you can be genuinely horny and also as a jut or host you don't mind throwing them curveballs because

these aren't your friends why do you give a shit you know yeah yeah yeah well yeah I don't care if these guys hook up although I probably would like to see because you're so horny yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah actually we probably throw them the opposite of curveballs things to kind of get them to be horny

this guy's actually really handsome i think yeah i know you know you didn't you seem not into him but give him a second chance yeah maybe lower the lighting you know don't be so picky god damn it um what's the one where they all have to sleep in the same room is that too hot to handle or that's 19 kids and counting the duggers that the duggers that's the dgs yeah do you guys want octo mom what was that remember did she even have a show yeah i think maybe not i don't even know anymore can you imagine if you went to a party and that somebody told you like oh there's going to be some celebrities there. And Octomom was one of the celebrities.

Nadia Suleiman. Yeah, that's right. She has a name. She tried to look like Angelina Jolie. Yeah, Angelina Jolie. But the reality show, like John and Kate Plus Eight was the reality show. Oh, that's right. Although they were sex tuplets and twins.

Yeah. show oh that's right although they were sex tuplets and twins yeah so the twins probably they they get the least attention because the sex tuplets really take up the bulk of the i think kate takes up the bulk of the attention actually john was a piece of work he yeah wasn't he didn't he do something horrible or something yeah he left them i think and he's he was a dj i know that he was a dj yet he only played kids music though it was like raffy and stuff yeah for a while he was like uh a newly single hanging out with christian odigie the guy who designed all the like ed hardy shirts what yeah i remember he was like a dj at one of these

la parties that's up on the roof somewhere and you can buy tickets and you know sometimes like Paris Hilton would show up at one if it was a high end one but he was the guy showing up at this one and I was like that's who he's excited about yeah and then Kate was she had the haircut

yeah she had the haircut that launched a thousand carats yeah it was the am I right fellas it was the Rachel Am I right fellas? It was the Rachel for her day. The OG. I know the one. Severe spiky on the side, but sharp and severe. Yeah, you got that one blade. Blunt. Yeah.

Coming down. What's the most kind of lately hairdo that's like extreme and or popular all at the same time? Like, I saw somebody with a mushroom cut yesterday and it was, it was hard to look at, man. Yeah.

I think mushroom cuts are, I went to the barber the other day and there was a person in there getting it done. Like they were like shave all, they put their toque on. They were like shave around the toque. Wow. Like a ball cut.

Yeah. I mean, this was a great clip. So like, I don't know if this is popular but it's happening i got a shave and a haircut you know how much it cost me 28 dollars two bits oh shit yeah hey that's pretty good that's a good deal yeah shave and um what is the uh yeah like the rachel nothing the rachel was the 90s, nothing to, the Rachel was the 90s. Farrah Fawcett was the 70s. Yeah, the guys in the 90s, we had the parted, did you have the part down the middle? Yeah, the butt cut. Oh, yeah.

The JTT. And then like, I had an undercut, so shave up underneath. Yes, I had an undercut as well. Shave up, fall down. Yeah. Everybody, this is the way we like to fuck. The free willy. The kid in free willy had that haircut, I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the kids, all the, well, no, maybe not. Okay. Boy, JTT had it. Yeah. But the other kids on Home Improvement, the older one had the mullet and the younger one just had a bowl cut, kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder where those guys are now probably living nice lives somewhere didn't they start the band Hanson that's one of those urban legend like Paul Pfeiffer was Marilyn Manson yeah yeah yeah um kids were Hanson

what was the like 80s one would have been like something like Cindy Lauper would have had like some kind of funky or just like mary lou retton just like a basic yeah like the the the pulp fiction uh lady had like the pixie cut with the bangs wasn't that yeah oh yeah yeah that's yeah or like um boy uh i mean late 80s is like you know bon jovi yeah yeah yeah both for men and women it was yeah yeah the the hairspray that i love that but it's all big yeah but yeah i don't know i mean the today's haircut i mean it's gonna be for the last year people have been giving themselves haircuts that's true but nobody's uh i don't think anybody's

like copying anybody else well maybe it just has to be somebody famous and that's then it all takes off yeah you know so i'm sure it'll be somebody on tiktok i'm sure i'm guarantee you were missing someone very obvious it's like a hair uh yeah like we just just knowing our track record we always are missing the obvious there are many people listening to this right now yelling into their phones. Yeah. But who, though? Who could we be thinking of? You forgot about Billie Eilish.

Yeah, Billie Eilish. Yeah, that weird two-tone. That's like more of a color. I don't think that's a... Does a color count as a cut? It costs more than getting a cut. So you got gotta really be committed to it, I think.

I've never dyed my hair. Never? Ivan? I did. You used to have frosted tips, I think, if I recall correctly. Yeah, I think I went like when I started, when I moved into the city I started going to like an upscale I forget how it happened, but I I don't know, I went to a salon and they were like

we'll do all the things, I was like okay, like I think it know. I went to a salon and they were like, we'll do all the things. I was like, okay. Like, I think it was like a friend of a friend who cut hair. So I got a deal on it. And they were like, I'll just. Because, you know, I was always just kind of like, I don't know what looks good. Just do whatever you think people in the big city are up to. And they.

Yeah. So for a while, I did the highlights. I had highlights done. Yeah, you had highlights. In like elementary school, I dyed my hair purple. Really? Yeah. I was not allowed to be around hair dye as a kid.

That was not to be trusted with it. It wasn't in the house. Your dad was always hiding his. Yeah. My dad did the Billie Eilish. There was a store on Granville Street called The Underground, and you could buy hair dye and vampire fangs there. And like we went and I bought vampire fangs and hair dye.

And I had those like real, the ones where you mold them to your tooth and then like, they really look real. I got a targeted ad on Facebook for ones that you put in and you can troll it with your tongue, but the fangs like push out like, like how in the movies. Oh yeah.

That's exciting. Yeah. So that's, that's the new, maybe that's the new haircut. Count Dracula. Is he, he,

he was the haircut in his day was pointed, slicked back. Yeah. The widow's peak, which also is like, isn't a widow, a lady. mean technically yeah i don't know where the name of that comes from uh widow you know widow's peak is like that the point in your the dracula point yeah maybe it was some one saying your hair looks so whittle and they said

well okay yeah i'm gonna be over here in the corner if anybody yeah no need to google it that's it for sure speaking of fangs uh my mother was bitten by us by someone's dog a couple days ago oh no and she had to go to the emergency room and she's fine except she was supposed to have surgery tomorrow and the surgeon was like i can't do it now you you might be uh we don't know if there's any like complications from the dog bite oh no she might be a werewolf they gotta make sure yeah exactly not to yeah no like we got we're gonna use a lot of silver instruments so yes that would help you though against werewolf do you want to encourage the werewolf

well you don't want to hurt it you don't want to hurt the werewolf not if you're operating on a Hippocratic oath man you're the doctor doctors don't kill werewolves people do no matter who comes in the door you have to if if you're a doctor and Frankenstein comes in, Frankenstein's a monster, not a doctor, you have to operate. Frankenstein technically is a doctor. Yeah, that's why he had to help Frankenstein, because of the Hippocratic Oath. Yeah, like when he sees Frankenstein's monster,

he's like, somebody did a real hatchet job on you. These stitches stink. You put bolts in your neck for no reason you're wearing hilariously big shoes i thought those bolts were the volume knobs for his screaming um but your mom's okay yes yeah yeah yeah she's just mad at this dog now have either you give me permission to talk about this so maybe she'll be mad she'll well you know you've got life insurance so you're fine that's true i called her told her um uh have either of you been attacked by a dog i have yeah me too no it was freaky they love me what happened to you ivan well i grew up in like a farm town

so there were just a lot of dogs like running around dog farm with no you know early 90s i don't think people just like they didn't train there was no like there was books i guess but like you didn't read those books in the 90s and so like how to train your dog properly so there was a lot of dogs just like running free and like they would knock us off our bikes and like jump the fence and like chase us and stuff my basically when i saw the movie the sandlot i was like yeah that's like there's one dog like that in this movie that they're all like that like every yard there was like a mean dog there was one that would put his head like under the

fence and bark at us like as we went by and then one day he just like dug a hole the hole got big enough he like put his head under it and then like his body came to and he's like i'm out better bite these kids and then we were like oh no you just look like a bunch of pork chops so i can die to him yeah exactly yeah it was the school play and we were doing the pork chop parade so that was our fault we were doing pork chop yeah yeah yeah you know uh during quarantine william shakespeare wrote pork chop parade yeah yeah it had the most tuba music of any of his musicals and then the script says, this should be sped up

in fast motion. This chase scene should be spedeth upeth. I like when a baseball team has a dog that gets the bat instead of a bat boy. I saw recently where

the ump doesn't see the dog coming to pick it up. And as the dog's about to grab it, he picks up and just throws it away. And the whole car is like, boo! They're so mad. We love the dog.

Um, yeah, I was attacked by a dog like a couple of years ago when I was visiting my parents because they sick the dog on me. I was like, look what we taught him. Yeah. But there was a dog that came out of nowhere and was like chasing me.

And I had to, I ended up having to get on top of a car. Whoa. And it would not bite me. Oh my God. And then eventually the owner, like Cujo. Yeah.

Like the owner eventually came around and was like, he's nice. And I was like, get off my car. Yeah. like the owner eventually came around was like he's nice and i was like get off my car yeah it was a running taxi i jumped on top um what did you didn't grow up on a farm did you have a no but i was i grew up very near to a bunch like we were kind of like i was on the farm end of like uh the like a fishing farming town at the mouth of the razor. You're from Ladner? As you go further east, Ladner gets more and more modern until you hit other farms.

But I was on the west side, which was kind of the original old Ladner village. It was all the older houses and like fish boats and and then farms and so like yeah they would fertilize the fields uh and then someday you'd be riding your bike to school be like oh this is the worst smell on earth yeah and it was like like our our soccer field in our elementary school backed like it was surrounded by just farms. Like, there were just cows there. And so, like, if they came close enough, you could, like, huck an apple core at them or whatever.

I, like, I wondered the other day when I was taking out compost. It's like, that's for, makes good planting dirt, right? But, like, how many people, there's got to be way more compost than there are people using compost oh for sure but where the rest of that going is this just i think it's just sitting in the i mean when i worked landscaping we would go buy dirt from the compost pile oh yeah yeah you can pull out you back your truck up and you can like shovel a bunch in and like they would it's it doesn't go bad no that's true but it seems like it's compost i i was thinking about uh like uh every week the city comes against your green bin which is your old food yeah you're stinkified garbage you're stinkified food and

you're like lawn trimmings or any kind of like, you know, tree branches or whatever falls off into your yard. Yeah. And I was thinking about. And I guess worms eat it and poop out dirt. I don't know how compost works. Yeah, I think that's it. They came to my school and did a presentation about. The worms did?

Yeah. The worms did? Yeah. And, but I was thinking about how much of this, like you must end up with a big pile of compost and a bunch of little fruit stickers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, but like, it's weird because you can put like everything in it.

Anything that's organic, you can put in it. But like, don't different things decompose at different rates? Like a chicken bone will be around a lot longer than like yeah orange banana yeah i look i mean clearly i know a lot about this but i can't answer that who was the popular compost of the 90s who who was typified with the compost everybody wanted to have? In high school, we had one of our electives was ecology. And it was, there was some composting to do

and we also made hand drums. Out of like old paint buckets. Did you do that thing where you made paper? In a different class. Okay okay that wasn't an ecology no we had a different class they had a lot of trouble i was in french immersion so half english half french had a lot of trouble coming up with french electives for us today i was in uh late french immersion which was just sixth and seventh grade.

Oh. But then halfway through grade six, they canceled the program and just amalgamated me with all the kids that had been. Because there was there were so few of us that they were like, we can't we don't want to keep doing this because it was a bad idea. But then they just put me in a class with people who'd been speaking french since kindergarten so for half of grade six and all of grade seven i learned nothing because i couldn't it was all in french i just learned zero like i don't remember anything from those years except not being able to understand anything the teachers were saying i i took french immersion from kindergarten through grade 12 wow and it was all french from kindergarten to grade three half french from like grade four to grade 10 and then

just french class after that but um yeah there's so much of like science stuff i i learned in french i'm like well this i don't know what i don't know like there we didn't get a class when we went to english science to like translate everything we had to learn right yeah and like the periodic table is different and these commas instead of decimals in math so it's like not even the numbers work the words are all different yeah all the words are different i mean we have some similar words you know uh bibliotech is like library you think the word that's not at all similar if you just heard bibliotech and you didn't know that was library what would you think it was i mean you're really you're really challenging me because I know so well that it's library.

Like a Bible disco. Yeah. Yeah, a disco for you where it bibs. Oh, like a lobster disco? Something like that? Yeah. Oh, man. Why is there not a lobster disco?

Oh, because there would be just parts all over the floor. Lots of shells. So slippery because of the butter. Everybody would get hurt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah and i think they're cannibals uh so like there would only be one lobster standing at the end of the night i thought you meant people to go to the roller cave but uh no there's no no one said anything about rollers well you said disco i immediately pictured a roller cane roller disco a disco, a roller disco. Wow. Which isn't that funny what the brain does? Yeah.

When it's damaged, when it, when it's addled. Um, yeah. So, uh, Dave,

what's going on with you, man? Well, geez, guys, do we have to, uh, a few months ago I was,

uh, I talked about how i had a few i had to stay up late one night and i had a few hours before i had to work oh yeah um when i was working on a show uh for kelly and kelly and we were coordinating interviews with people in australia and england and i had to be up at three in the morning to be on a zoom call and so that night i stayed up super late and i had never seen alien oh yeah and i watched alien at midnight one night and then uh it was good as i recall ridley scott yeah rids yeah and um and so i i've always been meaning ever since then to watch aliens. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, and so that's what I did this weekend. Um, you've heard this story about, uh, James Cameron pitching the sequel. No,

uh, that he, you know, they wanted him to do some kind of project and he, like the legend is that he wrote on the whiteboard alien and then he put the s on the end and made a dollar sign and they were like yeah yes um couldn't he have done that with anything couldn't he have picked any movie citizen canes titanics not jaws it's already got an s yeah that's true just alien the original alien is

very similar to jaws it's like jaws in space yeah it's very it's like a horror movie yeah yeah very much a horror movie um and then i saw aliens and i knew it was a different director it was jim cam jimmy cams yeah uh and uh it's not at all the same kind of thing it's a it's a an action movie yeah yeah alien has all those cool shots like there's the one of like fingers like just like close-up everything's wet in alien yeah everything is wet in alien ridley scott loves wet close-ups yeah i mean there's aliens definitely has really good set design as well uh and like visuals but it's like yeah that the it's you can tell like it's i'm glad i saw it it's like such a jumping off point for every single, uh, action movie that followed. Yeah. Like we're assembling a team of,

of roughnecks to take down this thing. And we're like, here's, let's describe the gun for 10 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember you saying, that was like the first movie with the,

or not with the first, but like they had the tracking, like the, the little beeps of like the aliens coming in. Yeah. And saying that was like the first movie with the or not with the first but like they had the tracking like the the little beeps of like the aliens coming in like the bitty bitty and then it was like oh they're all around us yeah maybe that's every other movies but dave when you saw alien you i think you said that you knew that it was a guy in a suit that you could tell it was a yes yeah uh there's definitely times when it's like he jumps out like gotcha when he's on the outside of the ship you're like that's just a guy in a hat there's a couple you can see his fingers

or like I'm doing spooky fingers I'm a Trevor Henderson oh man that's like the trope of the movie where they do do they have this shot where it's like someone's at the console and you see the heart rate of all the soldiers

and as they're dying they're like yeah yeah yeah that's great that's in a lot of movies since then and it's the this one you like there's a lot it's just like there's more of everything like there's more

there's more aliens yeah. Yeah. Like there's more aliens. Yeah, more aliens for your buck was the slogan. Yeah, and there's so many of them, and they get shot up, and their acid blood goes everywhere. Yes. But it is still just guys crawling around in suits. Yeah. Is that the one with the kid in it?

Yeah. In the vent? Yeah. Vent baby? I wonder if that was the first vent movie. Maybe. Maybe. I mean, for sure, Die Hard was a contender.

Die Hard was later, but this is... Die Hard did vents in a more realistic way. For some reason, an alien, whatever the space station they built was, it was like, yeah, we yeah we're gonna vent big enough for people to walk yeah yeah exactly we don't have people like crawling around in here yeah we need repair people uh the only guys we want crawling around here are the men in suits that we can tell that they're men these alien looking guys but there were like so many uh people uh spoiler alert everyone dies except ripley and the kid yeah uh and there's like uh there's so many deaths that i couldn't remember how anyone died was paul reiser in the

first one or the second one second one okay yeah is he really had like a kind of um another career that he had kind of cultivated outside of his stand-up i guess like he was like more of an actor back in the day than a stand-up yeah like i knew he was in this but i assumed he was like a guy with two lines but he's like the villain yeah not including the aliens yeah oh yeah he's like slick uh corporate guy who's like he's like the yeah he's trying to yeah he's a company man and in the future they wear they still wear suits but the lapels are only half lapels and the other half goes up oh man i love when they have to future up a suit like yeah like back to the future too

where they wear two ties is my favorite yeah and that one seems possible to me like that you could see some young hip-hop star wearing two ties and people being like yeah i've been doing that for a while too i like it and they wear two of the same ties too it's not like you mix and match there's no rule there are rules around it yeah but i do think it's funny that in the future that in back to the future they were like yeah in the future people will wear more ties not less yeah they'll wear two hats two top hats um yeah i remember the the outfits in uh bill and ted the like people that you see in the future who are like they they're wearing stuff that basically kids now are wearing like giant foam shoes and like crazy you know crazy puffy clothes just any any uh you know soundcloud rapper

looks exactly like they took their inspiration from uh directly from bill and ted which i think we all did in some way or another of course yeah that's why i went back in time that's why i do all my business in a phone booth um yeah so aliens is i i definitely like alien more i remember growing up and there being like people like a debate about what people liked more but i don't think it's even a conversation yeah you think well because ridley went nuts like if you watch the newer ones like the prometheus oh yeah era with uh fast bender you're like okay well you like ridley scott they need to just like take away his is he still involved with it yeah he directed the the whatever

was it one or two movies i think so yeah yeah and then they tried to save it i think they got rid of them and they're like it's pretty but they still had to like you know he canonized a lot of weird ludicrous shit so they're like i guess we still gotta do this yeah like and now like if we sell them as a box set that one's gonna be in there and it's gonna fuck everything up yeah like nobody wondered where the aliens came from. That was never, you know what I mean? That was never like, well, let's get a prequel.

Well, Jesus, obviously. What? What if the prequel was just Paul Reiser growing up? And that's the way better. How did he get that corporate job? That's why it's on his first suit.

Go to business school. Or was he in math and marketing? You know, what kind of courses did he take to get to the top of that company so alien alien three is um david fincher and i love david fincher but i've never watched it but i i um that might be something i do in four months yeah yeah it's fine like aliens three is fine it's not is it what's the is it more action movie it's like a mix of the two, right?

Yeah, yeah. It's kind of... It is more action-y, but it's also somewhat darker than the other films. Like, the actual light seems very much darker than the first two. Is Winona Ryder in one of them? Winona Ryder's in the third one, I think. Yes. No, she's in Resurrection, isn't she?

Oh, yeah. Is she the clone? Do I have to watch the fourth one? Oh think. Yes. No, she's in Resurrection, isn't she? Is she the clone? Do I have to watch the fourth one? Oh, there's like... Isn't there a fifth? Well, Predator vs. Alien was one of them and they made a sequel to that. Do those count? Are those canonical? I don't know. I think there was another...

I think there was one after Alien Resurrection, but I can't remember. Before they started the whole Prometheus arc. Yeah. Have you seen all these? I don't know what you call them. Have you both seen all these? I've seen all those.

I haven't seen the Prometheus thing, because that looks... It's bad. There's just nothing in there for me, you know? I don't recommend it. The Prometheus one, and then I think there was like two more that they kept being like, come on. Come on, get into this. You guys are fans of this.

Okay. I don't know why I did. I was like, let's see where this goes worse it gets bad yeah you know that one thing where she's um uh she puts on the like a mechanical suit and they uh fight in the airlock that's pretty good that is yeah that's great and i love how it's like they set that up by being like you're not certified to operate that thing and she's like yes i am she gets in and like moves a box and you're like oh yeah it's a every every one of those details

pays off in this movie yeah and it's like there's a kind of a school of sci-fi movies that take place in the future and everything's filthy like all the you know like star wars was like that everything was kind of like trashy. And was that just a response to other, like a previous generations, like super clean. Yeah, I think so.

Cause it was like flash Gordon. That was like the whole thing when they talked to George Lucas about the prequels, the Star Wars Lucas. He was like, I George, George Lucas, the Swiss guy who made the drunk,

the drunk guy, George Lucas. Get over here here you're my friend george lucy yeah because i think like flash gordon was all like clean and sparkly and then yeah i think a lot of them were but now i feel like a lot of them are filthy now so it's like yeah why can't they be medium because not everything in the past is filthy all the time everything in the president's yeah and people are really i don't know if you probably noticed that dave walking a dog around town there's so much garbage on the ground it's uh it's insulting to our to our city and the mayor well that's fine uh yeah yeah so i saw this movie uh it had a bunch of aliens in it they weren't lying when they

titled it that yeah there's more than one yeah that's good that's truly yeah oh yeah i have they ever done that with another movie and just been like did they do predators no it was predator no maybe not and then but the the change was predator the first one was you know jungle and then predator the second one was in the city i did i never saw predator but i did see the adrian brody one which was called predators oh yeah that was right on my thighs adrian brody and uh toffer grace yeah that's right toffer grace and also uh what's his name walt goggins yeah walt daniel trejo that's it daniel trejo daniel trejo he's the best everyone knows it he rules yeah he rules um um so what's up with you um well speaking of watching a movie that I've been meaning to watch, I've finally watched

after all these years of hearing that it's one of the worst films that's ever been made. Uh, a little movie called the Xanadu. And are you familiar with Xanadu at all? I saw the play. You did? I talked about it a few years ago. Oh, I didn't. When we got married, one of my mom's friends gave us tickets to just like the arts club. And Abby and I were like, we'll never go see it play.

Oh, this looks like, this looks like it might be bad. Xanadu. And was it bad? I mean, it was too, it was too aware of itself like it was like xanadu pretty bad right right yeah whereas the movie xanadu didn't know that what they were doing was going to be you know here's what i know so it's it's uh olivia newton john yes roller skating yeah Olivia Newton-John. Yes. Roller skating. Yeah. And the music of Yellow. Yes. Yeah.

So, spoiler to anybody that's out there waiting to watch Xanadu like I did. I paused. I watched the first 10 minutes and paused it to do this. I was like, babe, we'll finish Xan. I got to do the podcast. We'll finish Xan. I got to do the podcast. We'll finish Xanadu. She's just in the other room staring at a paused screen. Yeah, it's Olivia Newton-John going pretty fast.

Well, actually, we're only 10 minutes in, so we only know it's Olivia Newt. Yeah, we paused. Her name comes up really slowly. And also there's trailers like on a vhs you would get the trailers the cold open is really long yeah yeah yeah yeah um did you ever do miss when you would get trailers on a rented vhs because it was like a nice snapshot of like what else came out around that time yeah and also like what type of movie you were watching

very much dictated the type of trailers like you wouldn't have you know it was harry and the henderson's it would be like another kid movie but you know like it wouldn't be like during alien that they would show like i guess maybe there would be other horror sci-fis or was that the only one at the time anyways i watched x watched Xanadu, and I loved it. I loved it! Because it's so not aware of what it's doing that it's great. It's the most earnest kind of movie that's been put together by people who love what they're doing. And it's fun.

It's fun. It's like, she's from another dimension. She's a muse so she comes down from where the gods are and uh inspires a guy who and i don't understand what this job that he has is but his job is to take a record album and then replicate it huge and by hand what for like the world's biggest jukebox yeah like they don't they don't make does he live in a jukebox is that the reveal at the end but like i don't know why that was a thing in the movie i don't think it's a thing that was in real life like he if he was painting a side of a building

or something i could see that but anyway so he's hired to paint and uh he's roller skating around and then he sees this girl olivia newton john and uh she she inspires him then he starts painting her into the the album and uh he falls in love with her she can't fall in love because she's a muse she can't she's not supposed to fraternize she's only supposed to inspire you see uh meanwhile gene kelly of uh dancing movies from the past fame uh he plays a guy who yeah he used to be um like a dancer and he wants to open up a club a new club that has he wanted to have swing music so i don't know how new the club was going to be but the guy he uh he convinces him to open it up as a rollercade. So that's what they do. That's why you have a rollercade on the brain.

Yeah, that's right. It's just fresh. Anyways, if you have a chance to watch it, if you like a musical that, like not all the musical numbers are great, but the Xanadu number is a real showstopper. But yeah, a lot of the other songs you're like, well, I hope this would be over sooner than later.

But yeah, like Dave, the one you saw was too like, it's too cheeky. It was too winky. Yeah. It was like it was, you know, 30 years after Xanadu came out. Yes, that's right. They felt like they had enough distance so that they could make fun of it. Not. Yeah.

Yeah. So I watched Xanadu. But Yellow's good. Yellow's... The music's good. It's great. Although, in my mind, the only song I can think of is Waterloo by ABBA, but with the word Xanadu.

Xanadu. Xanadu. Couldn't escape if I wanted to. Xanadu. Knowing my baby's with me. Yeah, so I watched Xanadu. And then, during the week, I also have used a car share

program in Vancouver. It's called Evo. The whole thing is through your phone. You find a car, you book a car, you open the car using the app. If you're lucky. Yeah, well, exactly. I've had it twice. i've had twice where there's

just been ghost cars where they say that it's somewhere that it is not uh yeah look up yeah exactly it's behind that fence looking at you um yeah so i uh i parked my evo and then as soon as i got out of it was this before you got out your own car uh yes yeah okay um so i got out of it and it locked i made sure it locked and uh but then i realized that my phone had in the intervening time of getting out of the car had fallen into the car so now it was locked and i didn't have the phone oh no how did you do that um i don't know i think i maybe put it on my leg and then i just moved and it fell i didn't i didn't realize it until the door had closed and uh so that was then i was stuck because that's the one thing you need

yeah how did you get it out well so in my head my head, I was like, when I signed up, they gave me a card. It was like a, you know, a tap for it. Oh, yeah, yeah. So then I had to go into my building, and I had forgotten my key. So I didn't have my key on me. This was like a real double barrel idiot thing by me. So the phone's in there. I don't have my key to get into the apartment building.

I ring my landlord, who this is not the first time. I ring him. i ring him i say come around mom uh i forgot my jingle dangles um so she let me in the building which was very nice because this has happened before where i've left my she recognized her did she need you to prove your identification when no through the phone i said oh hi i'm uh i lost my keys again and she went oh very audible groan so uh so then i got into the place got the card went back down opened up because in the meantime anybody could have booked it and driven away with it so i had to do it super fast i had to find this card i got it went down got it on the card worked huh the card worked

the card worked yeah my card never worked i did it was a it was a million to one shot that it would work otherwise i just have to hang out by the car until somebody came by it uh yeah i thought that was and you had to hope no one like even do you can you reserve it yeah not if you don't have a phone i know but could someone else have reserved it and made your card not work? Yeah, that could happen. Oh, maybe. Yeah, shit, I didn't even think about that. Because, yeah, why would you be allowed in if... I used to have Cardigo, and that

was... You were given a card, and then it went more and more to phone until the cards didn't work anymore. Right. Yeah. So it's just like... Yeah, I mean, it's good that they have a contingency but like there wasn't anybody i could call at evo because i didn't have my phone so it's just one the one ingredient sets the whole chain reaction but yeah not that it would have helped you in this

situation but do you want can i have an extra key give me an extra key i will i'll give you an extra key um i'll put it somewhere you can always get to okay yeah say it say it into the microphone i'll dig i'll dig a hole and put a a rock that's a speaker on top of it cool so you just go and you listen if you hear some uh the music of xanadu xanadu or lion sleeps the night just depending on yeah um yeah oh that's great grant that could have been way worse that was it went from idiot style to champion in a couple of minutes but then yeah i i've really blown it landlord wise in terms of asking to be buzzed in i think like i think three is the limit uh, she probably just won't answer the next time I buzz her.

And if I say, hi, I, and then she just hangs up. Hi, it's Graham. Oh man. Have you ever had to buzz in at like 1am?

Like an embarrassing time? No, I mean, thank God. I hope not. Every time I've done is cause I'm taking out the garbage and they're like, Oh yeah. You know,

so you just, we did that a lot until we finally just put a building key on the garbage because we have our garbage key and I kept like going down with just the garbage

I can open the dumpster and then just like okay now I have I live in the dumpster I guess that's the only key I have I mean I know yeah

I'll take the stuff out of the garbage and I'll repurpose it I'll wear this eggshell as a hat yeah this banana will be my new scrub brush these things should be going in your your uh compost not your garbage that's true that's true what is yeah what is in the garbage little plastics i guess stuff like that yeah styrofoam yeah it's uh we're doing really good as a species

i think garbage wise yeah we're creating a lot of things that you just can't do anything with. Yeah. Great. Should we move on to some overheards, fellas? Okay. We have wasted this world. Our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable. But beneath the surface, well, that's another story entirely.

In a city built leagues below the apocalypse, survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above. Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. And others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory. Dive into the Aether Sea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone. Every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Overheard. Overheard!

Overheard's a segment of the show in this year of our Lord, 2021, where if you are lucky enough to be witness, to bear witness to anything in the audio realm, in the visual realm, we would very much

like to hear about it, and we always like to start with a guest. Ivan, will you please? Oh, yeah. So this was a good time for overheards for me because I went for a lot of walks during the old pandemic because it was like all you could do. So we would go to the seawall in Vancouver, which is a very popular walking area. And i over i had a lot of overheards but i was noticing for the first

you know it's like interesting during the pandemic because it was like everybody was talking about the pandemic so like every overheard was like vaccine or this or like when's it gonna happen bonnie henry and so i was like trying to pay attention to be like when will it not be about the pandemic and then the first i was like very excited to hear the first ever heard that was not involving the pandemic and it was these two guys walking and one of the guys was like no dog the bounty hunter was a real guy not a legend yeah yeah it's not a legend like paul bunyan yeah he really was the paul bunyan of our time dog the value because paul bunyan also said something racist right and then kind of lost his stand i thought he had a free pass yeah he also uh was addicted to amphetamines was dog was dog uh doing that was he high i mean

yeah you're right probably i mean you can't really question you look at dog the bounty hunter and anything's possible yeah who knows what he was on probably barbiturates that's not like an old west guy would say it how did you say George Lucas before Schlorge Lucas barbiturates barbiturates Dave do you have an overheard

mine is an overseen so I'm on Instagram just slipping into people's DMs. No, I follow a bunch. I don't know why I read comments. So I follow mostly like sports accounts. I mean, not mostly, but like the accounts that I read the comments on, it's always like, you know, a large hockey account or a large basketball account will post a clip and I'll be like, huh?

I'll click on the comments to be like, what are people saying about this? Oh, yeah. I love it. In my mind, I should I should know, like, what kind of who comments on this? Like, why would anyone comment on something from a giant like comment on your friends posts great please but uh would you like if you have something to say about that 5 000 other people have commented on i don't get what is in it for people to make these comments but i'm always drawn to click on oh yeah what they've said especially if it's a

lot of comments you want to just see which way the breeze is blowing you know yeah or which one has the most likes yeah like i would never comment on one of these posts so like the kind of person i i'm not finding out which way the breeze is going from the average person i'm finding out which way the breeze is going from the kind of person who comments on this yes it's not an accurate sample of not a cross-section like there was one i got this this isn't my overseen but there was one charlie had a tweet charlie demers had a tweet a few years ago that went viral that was my wife is so much better looking than me that when i'm in the checkout line the uh the cashier put the little bar down between our groceries yeah great he did it better than i i said that that was it that was sweet that got like went huge went huge and then some but then i on one of one of these

it was subsequently stolen by one of the bachelors yes and i saw that tweet in an instagram post oh really and it just some meme account that instagram suggested for me and all the comments were no that didn't happen like they didn't no one reacted like it was a joke it was like one of the comments was i'll take things that never happened for a thousand Alex and Alex is dead right so that's dead and rolling over no anyway my overseen I'm just

really stuck on these comment people because you're right who would like I wouldn't even leave a review if I was asked by the restaurant to like please write us a review no way man they can track that back to me and I'll get leave a review if i was asked by the restaurant to like please write us a review i'd be like no no way man yeah no they could track that back to me and i'll get yeah exactly what hello uh breadsticks anyone jokes they do that on comedy like literal like a stand-up clip people are like

i don't think so you're like yeah it's a joke yeah it was so like whenever somebody writes that's so random i'm like what the fuck do you think random means? Yeah, and also, why not shut up? Somebody should just have a plaque over there on the wall beside their desk. Why don't you just shut up? Why not shut up instead? But one thing is on these, so there's this account I follow called House of Highlights. Yeah. Instead. But one thing is on these, uh,

so there's this account I follow called house of highlights. Okay. That's just sports highlights. Although in the off season, they seem to find a lot of just dumb crap. Just a lot of like amateur stuff. And is there poker is poker ever on there? No,

but there is an awful lot of like, just a guy with an account or like gaming or whatever. Anyway, one of the, uh, one of the clips, I don't even remember what the clip was,

but there's so many comments that are just people promoting their own thing. There's bots that want you to be horny. There's, uh, people saying, follow me, follow like, Hey,

I'm the next Kanye West or whatever. Yeah. And if you're horny, follow like hey i'm the next kanye west or whatever yeah yeah and if you're horny follow me because i'm the next yeah and this one person uh their comment was if you are male slash female age 13 to 30 grew up somewhere in the in middle class playing tons of video games above average intelligence but an underachiever, then follow me. You qualify for my memes. So I clicked on it. Oh, yeah.

You qualify for my memes. I like that this over scene has a second layer. So I clicked on it, and literally the first post I saw was a toilet with a gigantic piece of poo coming out of it. Too big for the toilet. And the caption said, the baby shower is canceled. I wasn't pregnant. Ah, yeah.

Gamer stuff. Above average intelligence over here. I think even a 13 year old would be like i don't know you know we still doing tons of video games you have to play tons of video games to get that reference i'm middle class i get that lower class people don't have big poos yeah they're too poor they can't eat enough um that's hilarious i love the idea that there would be ever ever a criteria to look at memes besides just having a computer like that's the only reason yeah being so bored and you ran out of people that you follow yeah exactly and you're

just like aimlessly going around reddit i guess oops Oops, I'm still scrolling. Oops, all memes. Do they still do that? All Crunch Berries? I mean, I haven't seen Captain Crunch in some time. Oh yeah, they're still going. I was at Ralph's to get my vaccine and I bought a box of Oops, all Crunch Berries at the same time. You secretly bought a box and didn't tell your wife.

Yeah, yeah. And then I ate them all and it was oops all sickness i think i have covid the guy that it puts the injection is like this will lengthen your life but that it's got a short you're gonna come out even if you get a vaccine and i mean geez louise hey if i gotta live an extra 10 years with no crunch berries that ain't living if you eat oops all berries i don't worry what's in the vaccine now that's a meme a 13 year old could get behind uh memes right can't wait till they replace us entirely they already have memes are funnier than any comedian

working out there they're hilarious you know and now i remember when it was just like uh fuck jerry and the fat jewish yes and people were like they're stealing everything and putting it on instagram and now that's all instagram yeah exactly and also um i'll tick tock tick tock you just put your face next to another video like they do the thing where it's them watching the video like oh really where it's somebody watching the video that you should be watching kind of thing yeah you can duo it which means like the video plays and then you do a new video next to that video oh okay watching it and going like i can't wait until it's like they're all bad i've never seen a good one um yeah and like apparently like the new the younger generation is making memes based on old means that were based

on something else so now they're like retooling a whole like their stuff is going to reference like based on a meme yeah isn't there a movie coming out that's based on a Twitter? A movie based on a meme. Based on a previous meme. I mean, there was the Emoji movie. That was pretty low. Did you see that? The Emoji movie? No.

I did. I watched it on a plane and it was fucking awful. Was it hilarious? Well, yes, it was hilarious, of course. Everything T.J. Miller does is great. So that's canon for him and patrick stewart's in it and i'm sure he must have some kind of gambling debt that he was paying off in order to be in this film what as the poop he was the poop oh no so sir stewart

yeah patrick stewart they took back the knighthood. They just made him a duke. They were like, when I said Captain's Log, I didn't mean this. Yes. Bravo. Bravo, everybody. If you haven't seen the Emoji movie, I insist you do. It's great. I think James Corden's in it as well.

This is my X-Men of comedy. They're all in there. Um, my overheard comes from, uh, two guys strolling down the street talking about food they like. And,

uh, one guy said, it's been three years since I've had spicy food. Too spicy. Pretty good. Yeah. Why do you not like spicy food? You know.

Oh, your overheard didn't have a five minute preamble? We were having fun, weren't we? Too spicy. Yeah. Spicy food is spicy. Yeah. It's one of the main components. Do you like it?

Or you're both taking drinks of things main components. Do you like it? You're both taking drinks of things right now. You can't answer me. Are you both spice heads? No, I've got a real Irish palate. So Pepper is like, whoo-hee, this is already enough for me. How about you?

I like a spice. Yeah? What level are we talking here not not too crazy i'm like i'm not gonna eat the wings where you gotta sign a waiver because it's like i was actually talking about this yesterday about how like i can handle it going in yeah you know the real pain okay all right it sounds like a meme i'm about to He's about to do a meme. Yeah, it's like, I don't want that part. If there was a way to not have it be horrible later, I'd be more okay. It took me a while to like spice.

To like hot. Yeah? You like it now? I like it. I do. I like it, and I don really have uh trouble digesting it and so i but i yeah uh i just remember the time i went to buffalo wild wings it took one bite of a hot wing and it started hiccuping uncontrollably that's right uh so i it's you know it's gonna it's gonna be as like i'm gonna sweat

through it but um i enjoy it i enjoy it more than i did as a young man yeah now that i'm on death's door what with all these life insurance you just keep your wife keeps buying you hotter and hotter hot sauce along with the life i heard this one's called suicide something so that could be neat let's try that um yeah i can't do it never could never probably will i'll never i'll never be able to work up the stomach for it what about like a frank's red hot yeah i mean like i've had sriracha on things is that more or less than a frank's more than frank's then yeah i could do frank's you could do frank's but frank's is like the the like standard in like a uh pub hot wing yes but like what are the ones that's like a ghost the ghost pepper yeah there's that like the cold or coldest exact it's actually

so hot it's cold gives you hypothermia yeah it's like one of those weird things where like people are in the people are freezing to death and they're like oh i'm so hot and they start taking off their clothes in the arctic yeah that's how you know you've had a ghost pepper all your clothes come off yeah all of a sudden you're just naked in the middle of the pub. Now we also have overheards sent in by people all over the place. You want to send one to us, you can send it into sbyatmaximumfun.org and this first one comes from Nick from Denver. I was standing in line for tickets to an

outdoor concert and I heard two folks talking about some TV series. One guy, yeah, so it's like a sci-fi mystery show. The other guy, so it's like sci-fi with mystery? I love that. This guy's an easy pitch. What do you think it is?

Sci-fi mystery? I don't know. It's probably like one of those things like it's like paranormal or something like a show that you see advertised like ncis but you've never seen you know what i mean x files yeah doctor who roswell is that that's what i think it was roswell is uh that's what i feel that's what maybe they were talking about the movie uh uh contact with Jodie Foster. Yes. I've never seen it,

but look forward to the day that I do. Now that I've got Xanadu out of the way. Yeah, exactly. That's the next. Jodie Foster and Matthew McConaughey are contacting Carl Sagan in space or something. I haven't seen it either. Yeah, I don't know. i get it mixed up with arrival is the that's the one where they gotta translate it and the translation occurs during a weird like

voiceover like and then eventually they translate i'm like the whole crux of the movie was that they're trying to figure out this language and that just happens in a like i don't even know what that's called in film oh they did it yeah yeah x mackinac or whatever yeah it's like yep it's like jeremy renner just doing a voiceover of like and there's just like a shot of the cameras panning over the site where they're working and then he's like and they figured it out and then it's like and then they just cut to what happened there it was afterwards oh it sounds good yeah it's like what they did at the end it's really good yeah is it good i made it through the first like 10 minutes was really sad yeah it is pretty sad is it because he's looking for his ghost wife or

something or space wife no i think uh amy adams daughter dies now that's a different one isn't that what's that one called? That's Arrival. That's Arrival. And then we were talking about Contact. Contact is the one where they're looking for a ghost pepper. They were up there looking for the hottest pepper in space. Ha ha!

This next one comes from Megan from Hamilton, Ontario. I was out grocery shopping recently and when i passed two store employees stocking the shelves i overheard one employee say to the other well he was very adamant and told me several times that he's not a vampire which made me think that's exactly what a vampire would say now i don't know what to think I mean, yeah. There, I feel... Although, yeah, are vampires liars? They can lie. They can lie to try and...

Yeah, you have to invite them in. They just can't come in if you don't invite them. Yeah. They'll lie like, oh, I left my Evo card in there. Could you just open up for a second? They're like hobos. They're all like, there's a skunk in your yard. It ran in the house. It's my skunk. your yard. It ran in the house.

It's my skunk. He might not come in. And then he chomps you. He wants to chomp you. They're like, oh, these wings are too spicy. But they're just the garlic wings. Then their fangs move. Yeah, they move their tongue up.

What time is it? Noon. I've been in here since, since last night. It's noon now. Bring me some more beer. I got to hang out for another 12 hours. This last one comes from Braden.

Braden. Australia. Braden. This is Newcastle, Australia at a catch a checkout line in the grocery store i managed to get in the line with the chatty checkout guy while he's serving the lady in front of me the discussion of podcast comes up workers workers said he started a podcast during the first lockdown with his friend but then he goes we don't do it anymore, though. He's in jail. He did some pretty awful stuff.

Wow. I want to hear it. Yeah, me too. I want to hear that cast. Yeah. It's like a true crime podcast, but in the other meaning of the word. Yeah. Is there a podcast that has a prisoner as the host? Well, there was Ear Hustle, which was made all by prisoners.

I'm told. I've never listened. there you go answers my question and then there's uh this australia one called the cashier and the killer it was uh ned kelly yeah ned kelly exactly australia's billy the kid is that fair to say or bonnie and clyde what yeah i think those two yeah like he had a bucket he wore a bucket on his head and are you just are you do you just know this from the movie reckless kelly is that one with uh yahoo series yeah no they have his armor in a museum in in uh australia he has armor yeah he wore like it was like a big thing he did a shootout with the cops and he put like metal all over him like back to the future yeah and they shot him and they couldn't kill him because he was wearing metal and then he shot him on then eventually they shot

his feet and he fell down wow yeah but they have his armor up in uh melbourne i think he was only he was wearing uh like a kleenex box or something on his feet. He had Crocs. Yeah. They were metallic Crocs, but the cops could tell. The bullets went through the holes in them. Yes. His plan was just, I'll just let them shoot me forever.

Until they get tired of shooting. In addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one also we uh we just did um a live we did our first live podcast yeah of the pandemic graham and i uh over uh zoom no was it zoom yeah we did it at the london podcast festival thanks to everyone who came and saw that yeah it was a lot of fun and we got to meet some people that were uh doing their overheards and we got to see the chat for a couple seconds and then we all lost our minds. Yeah, it's very hard to do a show and read a chat. Yeah, yeah, exactly. At the same time.

But yeah, that was so great. We'll do it again next pandemic. Yeah. Alright, phone calls. Hello, Dave, Graham, and beautiful guests. This is Stuart from New Jersey. Last weekend I was at this immersive

Vince Van Gogh exhibit in New York City. It was pretty cool, or as I think Graham's dad would say, pretty good. Anyway, after coming out, I was in the gift shop, and there's a massive amount of Van Gogh memorabilia and tchotchkes and all that sort of thing.

And as I'm walking out of the gift shop, I hear a husband say to his wife, and it sounded like an old seriousness, I don't think Van Gogh gets a piece of sort of thing. And as I'm walking out of the gift shop, I hear a husband say to his wife, and it sounded like an old seriousness, I don't think Van Gogh gets a piece of any of this. Off I go. Yeah, I mean, his estate. He died a pauper, so there's no... John Pauper.

Yeah, he died a blues traveler. Died as he lived. I went to that thing. It was the same thing was here and i went to it with my dad and he did think it was pretty good oh wow yeah um a clairvoyant guest yeah it's all just a little bit of history repeating there was when i was at it there was a woman wearing the craziest top that i've ever seen and everybody in the place was looking at her like you know when you're supposed to be gays i got like the starry starry night and all this guy's stuff and this woman was wearing this insane like kind of like a steampunk thing but

like all wrapped up i can't even describe this is how we'll all be dressing when the pandemic's over so excited it's my one night out. In a year. Yeah, I've been working on this out for a year. I was going to, you know, shoot the cops. Yeah, the cops are going to not be able to shoot my boobs.

Hope they don't try to shoot my feet. Next phone call. Hey, David Graham and lovely Estimature. This is Chris calling from Etobicoke. I was at a park a few weeks ago, and there was a brass band playing, which was weird. And everybody was watching and just kind of hanging out. And then there was a guy beside us who had a poodle.

And the poodle was kind of acting up and running around a little bit. And then he turned to the poodle and he said, hey, behave. We're at a concert. And that was really great. Anyways, off I go. Yeah, there's a decorum there. People love to bring ducks to a concert i think he was just in a park and a band started playing i guess you bring the concert to the dog

it's true they were in the dog concert but yeah that's right it was a dog's domain and the the brass band was intruding do you remember early in the pandemic now that we're at the delta variant i mean it's over can happen i mean everyone's got it yeah but i just remember early in the pandemic they were like it's jumped to dogs they tested this dog and this dog has it yeah yeah geez yeah when i first came up to canada there was a pug coming through the border ahead of me and it was making a lot of you know pugs can't ahead of me and it was making a lot of, you know,

a pug can't really breathe anyway. And it was like, like making all its pug sounds. And I like kind of looked down at it and then looked up at the border guard and then he turned to like another border guard was like, can dogs get this? Has your pug lost its sense of smell? Let's wave a pork chop in front of his face.

Take it to the pork chop parade. Here's your final phone call. Come on, fan art. Pork chop parade. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Abby's aunt Sheila calling. I just asked Abby's uncle Magnus

how his day at work was. And he said, do you remember that lady at my job that I told you reminded me of Schindler's mother? He meant Stifler's mom. So, off I go. Like Schindler's List was like a horny tea party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or there's just a guy in American Pie named Schindler. I, yeah, I don't remember Schindler's Mother in Schindler's List. Yeah, I don't think she was in it, but man, that's hilarious. Your brain would even be able to, like, do that loop-de-loop. Like, yeah, you know the guy, Schindler. Schindler's mom. Schindler's having a party. You guys going?

His hot mom's gonna be there. Did you ever see... Are you on the list? They kept making those movies after people had lost interest. The Schindler's movies? Yeah, the Schindler's movies. But like in the last of the American Pies, where we've left the gang currently, Eugene Levy is sleeping with Stifler's mom.

That's nice. Yeah, it's nice to bring the plot lines together, you know? Yeah, I'm glad those two finally got together. It was a real will-they-won't-be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the White Lotus, the HBO series, yeah yeah in the white lotus uh the hbo series uh napoleon dynamite's uncle is sleeping with stifler's mom oh wow okay uh is that stifler's mom the the actress that plays yeah yeah yeah jennifer coolidge yeah and it's an uncle rico right yeah it is uncle rico oh my god

crazy he's a vegetarian you can tell because he spits out meat in the movie that was the only way he'd do it i'll put the meat in my mouth yeah there's like a scene in napoleon time where he's eating a steak and then you can see him like that's how yeah a lot most graham's a vegetarian he eats a lot of steak, but spit that out. Yeah. I'm always very hungry after we go to the steak house together. I just knew my teeth need to chew.

Yeah. I put vitamins in it. That's how I get my vitamins. They sneak them in through. Um, well, this has been just delightful. Ivan, this brings us to the end of the show um what what do you got going on the people how do we find you online see what you do

and and check out the scene well um i have i'm on instagram i have w decker uh i do have a podcast uh myself that comes out uh monthly it's called satan's lawyer oh yeah um this uh this season i'm very excited about the finale uh because we are going to talk to my co-host andre uh is from the soviet union and we're going to talk to his father about his uh sort of experience with the soviet union we've asked all of our guests this season to like, ask us something about Russia and what they know about what happened in the USSR. And so it's,

uh, it's going to be pretty exciting and we're going to, we're going to get that locked out. And so, uh, people can find it on all the, on the streaming services and such. Oh yeah.

And if you want to listen to our previous seasons, we've had, we've had some very fun guests. Um, we, uh, had Vance Benzo from tall boys on, uh, most recently. Oh yeah. And if you want to listen to our previous seasons, we've had some very fun guests. We had Vance Benzo from Tallboys on most recently. Oh cool. Yeah. Very, very fun.

Well, thank you so much for coming and being a guest. Dave, you got anything that you want to tell the folks? I guess watch Alien 3. Yeah. Yeah. Watch Alien 3 because Finch Dog gets a cut every time you watch it. Yeah.

Pinchy. Yeah. Watch that just in case I watch that in the next few months. Yeah. And I'll be here for it. I'm excited to hear your thoughts. And also anyone out there, if you're between 13 and 30, grew, grew up middle class, uh, are, I think you're smart,

but are actually dumb. Want to laugh at poo? Check out my memes. Yeah. ID this kid. He's coming into the poo zone. Um, yeah,

no 12 year olds are going to like this. Um, and thank you listener out to like this. And thank you, listener, out there for listening. If you want to find some tight memes, I recommend the internet. And that's where you can find us next week here on Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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