Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 705 - Amy Goodmurphy

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

Actress/comedian Amy Goodmurphy returns to talk sneaking a USB to Fred Armisen, grocery store sandwiches, and toddler birthdays.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 705 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I very rarely see in a dark navy blue slash black t-shirt. And you know what? I like what I'm seeing. Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm in a dark navy blue slash black t-shirt.

You're always in lighter colors. I never see you in a dark t-shirt. I guess I have been wearing a lot of white t-shirt uh it's always in lighter colors i never see you in like i guess i have been wearing a lot of white t-shirts um you know what beardruff beard dandruff it's real yeah it's real and white t-shirts the problem with me is everybody keeps dumping uh containers of water on me because yes yeah um i uh got uh i so i've been uh like i never really had dandruff from my beard until a few months ago and i got like a like a cream to put on it like a moisturizer and that didn't do anything the just giant chunks of moisturizer were showing up on my shirt i got an oil i rose rubbing oil into it

and then i just started using head and shoulders on my face that's what i was going to say the pro tip that i got uh years ago from a Sikh gentleman was little little head and shoulders once a week and then i uh today i didn't rinse it out well enough and i was like oh that's coffee tastes soapy when i was having my morning coffee. Our guest today, such a fun guest. So glad to have her back on the podcast. She, with her partner, Ryan Steele, are going to have a brand new podcast called Poor Little Thing. It's Amy Goodmurphy.

Hi. Hey. Hey, Amy. Thanks for having me back. How are you? I'm so good. It's always so nice to see you, too. Thanks for having me back. How are you? I'm so good. It's always so nice to see you, too. Yeah, I feel great. It is nice to see you.

Well, let's get to know us. Yeah. Get to know us. Amy, I was going to say that I like, Graham books the show, and a few months, like, occasionally I'll say, say hey we haven't had so and so on in a while and a couple months ago I gave him a list of a few names

and one of them was your name and I was and then it took it took a while for him to get around to booking you. No we had like I asked her many many times but she was going out of town. No no I just mean it took I guess I mean it took a while for her to to get you on the show.

To come down to our level. Yeah. But I was, and then I was like, oh, why did I want to book her back then? Like, I felt like you had something.

And then it occurred to me, it was either you were, you were on Mighty Ducks. Mm-hmm. And you were in a series of Cadillac commercials? One Cadillac commercial. Well, it seemed like it would be a series. What made it series-esque?

Well, tell me about the one. Okay, so I booked this commercial, and they never told never told us who was you want to know like all about it kind of thing or just all about it yeah take us through so i was filming mighty ducks at the time and then i got this commercial i love a nice commercial that's how i get to continue to sort of do that's what pushes me through is commercial and you know whatever so i'm happy to do commercials and uh anyhow i got a commercial audition and they didn't say who it was with. I did had no idea it was a celebrity or anything like that. So I did it.

I got a callback, did it again. And then at the wardrobe fitting, the director was there and we were talking and he was like, oh, yeah, you know, like who who's in the spot with you? And I was like, no, no, I have no idea. They're just talking about it and then it was uh oh my god why am i blanking on his name what is this godzilla is it godzilla do you want to take it again and remember fred armisen's name fred armisen oh my god one of my idols you know what no this is human i am human sometimes i forget things and i

do apologize that has nothing to do with how much i love him how much i was freaking out so anyways he was like yeah he's he's gonna do it fred are that's who fred is in the script so i completely lost my mind he's like oh yeah didn't they tell you everything's so nonchalant and like nobody tells you anything you're like the little like puppet person that is supposed to, you know, just, just come and dance monkey and do your thing so we can all go home. Anyhow,

let me get this monkey dancing so we can all get monkey dancing. God. But a really funny part of this is that Ryan and I, my comedy partner, Ryan seal and I filmed a pilot a couple of years ago and it's a a sketch comedy pilot we've been trying to get it off the ground and we're still sort of doing things with that and a friend of mine you guys know Andrew uh Barber yeah Andrew Barber we were taught we were working on a project together at the time and he was like dude like he meant so well by it like it was lovely but he was like this is your like this

is a chance for you to like bring your pilot on a usb and give it to him he's like just do it and he was like if it feels right just do it and i was like yeah yes you're right i have to take this chance i brought this usb in my sweaty little hand in my sweaty little pocket the entire day. I think I was there at my call time was like 7 a.m. or something. I was sitting with it shaking all day. I finally got to sort of meet him because you do everything apart, right? Like they filmed him all day and then they filmed me right away. Anyways, I never gave it to him. Thank God I never gave it to him.

And it's a Cadillac commercial. And essentially I play somebody that works for Cadillac and that Fred Armisen is like my correspondent so we right we I keep basically just keep saying I'm I'm this the quote-unquote straight person to his funny silliness so it was a cute commercial and it was like they did a deal with um Seth Meyers show late night show so it was through them and so uh seth introduced the commercial on air and then oh that's like very old-timey yeah it was very interesting and then they were playing it during snl which is really really cool but yeah it wasn't around for that long i think they just had a well i i i don't know why i thought it would be a series i guess it because i mean you

you're like in a room and he's not like it seems like something you could have shot 10 of in a day right yes of your part what other what nine other celebrities do you think you could get i don't know i it was the longest day ever and they like i mean i shouldn't it's so sticky to share all that like you know i gotta be careful what i share exactly yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah but as much as everybody was lovely there was a lot of like um there's a lot of specificity of like what exactly they wanted and when it came to so the script kept changing all day and and it was very wordy you know you know sometimes you see a script

it's like oh my god i can't memorize this yeah there's no action in it it's all just dialogue the whole thing and they did fred all day they basically gave me 15 minutes to nail three new scripts on the spot everyone wanted to go home it was freezing and i kept screwing up that sucks it was oh why was it freezing? It was so cold. It was, because it was last year. We shot it in,

I think November. But it looked like you were in a studio. No, they built, they like, it was incredible. So they filmed him. We went to this fancy, beautiful,

um, West side house out by like UBC. Oh yeah. Yes. It was like stunning. They had this big, beautiful gate, this like motorized gate into this like palace and they did not let we did not go inside we were not allowed to go

so i sat freezing well he did his you know part all day long it was we got to the ad lib a little bit i heard you had sweaty hands okay it's cold actually. Okay, you ever get cold and sweaty? Yes. Never. It's called sickness. When I was stranded in the Andes with my soccer team, I did. Wait, I want to hear that. Watch the movie Alive. It does a pretty good job of telling the story.

Yeah, so I did have one sweaty hand. Thank you. But it never, yeah, it never saw the light of day but anyways when it came to my spot my time they i literally turned around it felt like for like two seconds and i turned back around it i was looking at frantically trying to learn the new lines they gave me and they had built this massive huge green screen studio in their driveway it was huge and then i just walked in there and got on my little mark and it was neat huh yeah cool well that's showbiz baby hey a showbiz baby what would you do if you were on the other end of that if you were the fred armisen and your co-star in the commercial

handed you a usb would you what would you do would you be like horrified or would you be like i'll just throw this in the garbage when they're not looking or well okay let me okay let me give you a little i'll tell you because this is what i was on the other side this is what he was receiving because i think this would this makes this might put pieces together a bit more for you i don't get star struck like i i feel um thankful that i don't get like crazy around celebrities. Like I just think of them as people. I get like talent crushes, you know,

like I'm excited that way, but I, as far as they're just like us, they're just like us, sweetie. And that's why I'm here because you guys are smaller than me. You're lower than me. That's right.

I wonder if she really thinks that. Yeah, I do. So anyhow, with him, something happened in me and my energy became super weird. And so we were talking in this tent and I wanted to go introduce myself, but I didn't want to be weird. And I could feel myself being weird around him.

And like, you know, his partner is Natasha Leon, who, you know, did uh worked with kelly and kelly and you guys at uh or zeta family yeah so i indirectly i always say like indirectly got to you know i didn't get to work with her but we were in the same the same project she narrated which blew my mind anyways i so i tried to like have a connection and i was like oh yeah your your partner is um natasha leone he goes what and i'm like your your partner is natasha leone and i can hear my voice cracking he goes oh yeah i'm like yeah you guys are still together right and then he goes yeah oh okay meanwhile my hand is in my pocket and then i'm like oh okay and then i'm like you're you've been here before i mean yeah he's so nice right like he was giving me the time but he also

you know i met him once and he is very nice he was very nice um and he was giving me a time and then i got so weirded out that i went okay well i feel like i'm i'm probably crowding you i'm gonna give you your space we were in a huge tent and then i backed away backwards slowly and he kept going uh no no it's oh okay yeah no that's all right yeah it's cool and then i just went no yeah and then i went and just like went into the corner was like what the hell did you just do and you're holding a usb so if i were him and some weirdo was coming up to me with that kind of energy i would be annoyed they gave me a usb yeah but i would also like to think that i would have some compassion in where i once was in you know when you were on that end of this yeah yeah i always think that there's so much talent everywhere in the world and some people just can't get seen or have opportunity so it's so

it costs nothing to just be like oh cool thanks yeah i'll have a look and then never do it exactly i'm sure that's what he would have done i'm sure he was would be lovely about but also would you be afraid that somebody was giving you a virus that was going into your computer? Put this on your computer. But it's like, that's like the modern version of like, I got to slip my demo tape into Axl Rose's, you know, pocket or whatever. Little USB. He's going to put it in his laptop. Like, I can't wait to put this in my laptop. Actually, my laptop actually has a different kind of port now so

you got that do i need an adapter could you i gotta slip slip i bought you a laptop and this usb here just watch it please it doesn't have a power cord i forgot the power cord so you gotta watch it like soonish yeah it's gonna die it's like 30 yeah it's on red it's on red battery just keep it um i love everything about that story that's uh because i'm trying to think if i've had a thing with like not not a celebrity that left me speechless but i've ever had an awkward i'm sure i must have like seen somebody been like, you're so-and-so. And then being like, yeah.

And maybe like, all right, great. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. I think I met Dane cook once and then I was like, cool.

Thanks Dane cook. Bye. You know, it is a funny little thing. Yeah. I never, it has never happened to me before. And I always said like, I always felt like, yeah, I'm just feel lucky that I don't have that Yeah. I never, it has never happened to me before. And I always said like,

I always felt like, yeah, I'm just feel lucky that I don't have that reaction. Cause I get it. I get that people do. Um, but I don't, I just,

I think as a Portlandian, like SNL and he's just so funny and so talented that I, I just felt really like, yeah, excited. I heard a story about, I think, uh, I think it was Bob Odenkirk. Tim and Eric, when they were like starting out, they sent their demo tape or whatever. Yeah, VHS tape.

To Bob Odenkirk. And along with it, they sent an invoice for it. And that was the thing that got them noticed was he was like wait i have to pay you for this that's what andrew said andrew brought up i don't remember the invoice part but that's what he was saying um and now when i tell andrew that i was like oh my god i was i can't believe you said to do that he was like yeah you're an idiot like i he knows now how ridiculous that was but there's like a story about will farrell meeting lauren michaels for the first time and bringing a briefcase that was going to be filled with a

bunch of crackers yes and then yeah he never brought it up and then at the end lauren was like what what's with the briefcase oh nothing yeah yeah yeah yeah yes just such weird i was life's moments and trying yeah yeah. Yeah. Life just trying. The world's trying. Now you are, you're coming out with a new podcast. Yeah. Oh,

tell us about it. Fill us in. So Ryan and I have always talked about doing a podcast and he's always really been excited about it. And to be honest, I always was really fearful because I was worried about things that i might say and want to take back i'm so i yeah i've but that yeah i've come to a place now where i'm excited about what we're doing and we're just going to be ourselves and it's going to be great

and i'm going to edit the shit out of it so that no one thinks i'm a monster yeah no one truly knows who i am what you've been on our show many times and you never uh say anything regrettable well you should know you guys don't know who i truly am oh that's right but like if you can hide it for us you can hide it for him right okay and i have been hiding it from him too and my partner and my parents who are you really i can't i can't i mean don't say what you would say just say who you are who i am is a stunning individual inside and out yeah that's cool you have been hiding that what um i guess i'm a little boy i'm not really worried to to um to like uh i'm not really worried to, to, um, to like, uh, I'm not worried about what I'll

say in the moment. I'm worried about 10 years from now being like, Oh no, that was way out of step. Good thing. Good thing. I've only been doing this show for 13 years. Yeah, exactly. We just can never listen back. But yeah, I'm excited.

I think it'd be fun. It's called poor little thing. And right. My, my brother actually made it up. Um, my oldest brother, Matt has, is always calling people plts they're like oh god plt like someone who's just it can it can kind of make sense for a lot of things so basically poor little thing is like if someone's super rude to you you're just like oh god plt like you poor little thing you're just having you're just a real piece of shit or you're having a bad day fuck off for plt or like i have healed like we all have plt moments where like something

embarrassing maybe you've done or something like me trying to slip like backing away with my little sweaty usb hand plt like for a little thing yeah plt usb usb like now is a plt like somebody's being a dick or is it just somebody who's like caught off guard and is uh like that you actually feel sympathy for or is it somebody's like just being an asshole it's mostly about being an asshole but the best part is is that it can really be used for anything but for the most part we're always just like plt like don't worry about it she's a plt like do not let her affect you. That poor little thing is like whatever, whatever. So our whole idea is that we're going to share.

We'll have guests as well. And we want to share different PLT stories. I'd love to come on. That's really generous of you. No, no, no. Bring your USB, man. This is your chance. Hey, I've got 705 episodes of my podcast you could listen to.

Could you please? No. One of my daughters, Abby bought my daughters these, there's these things that are like silicone popping. Do you know these things? They're kind of like the new fidget spinner. Yes, and you pop them in and out. Oh, pop it in and out.

Yes, I have seen those. Abby bought a couple of those at the dollar store the other day and one of my daughters got one, got it and said, this doesn't pop right. I don't like it. Like she wasn't satisfied with how it popped,

like the sound it made or the sensation. Sensation and poor little thing. Poor little thing, yeah. Poor little thing, absolutely um, poor little thing. Poor little thing. Yeah. Poor little thing. Absolutely.

And, uh, poor little thing. That's a PLT. I'm sorry to tell you, but your daughter was a little PLT then. Yeah. You're being a PLT right now.

See, it works and it's fun to say. So you're going to talk about instances that you've had or it's just going to be the general theme of the the podcast you're going to have guests on and they'll talk about their incidents that kind of thing both so plc things happen all the time like i mean my brain is not working right now as you can tell i didn't even remember that i was in a commercial with one of my biggest idols red armisen but um plt things happen all the time like i'm a plt i forgot to put deodorant on today i just helped my brother

move and i'm sitting here just like smelling up this room i smell i'm not sure that i did either now that you bring it up i'm pretty sure i didn't why did we do that do you know when you have that memory where you like step through what happened like okay i got out of the shower did i did q-tip but it's hard because it's like i put deodorant on every day and that moment of my day is not any different that's right yeah so you just block it you're like yeah maybe i did or maybe i didn't but then it's too late you're like and i'm not sure and i use natural deodorant so i really can never tell if i have it on or not. It's just always awful. I use audio deodorant.

It just sprays a noise in my armpits. It's like, don't stick. Yeah, so we'll be sharing our own stories of different things that would have happened to us. The cool part is that you really can, again, use it in any way you really want. And we're hoping to get some nice, embarrassing stories from guests that we can share and all relate to. I'm out.

Graham, we should have come up with an idea for our podcast. We should have been, you know what we should have been all those years back? We should have been trying to solve a murder. Or week to week, where we just catch up with each other, and then have we found any more clues? Any updates on the murder? No.

Next week, though, I feel like I'm'm gonna have some time to dedicate to murder heard yeah that would be fun you guys should have done that yeah it was too early nobody knew what the hell was going on yeah nobody knew about murder yeah yeah if they hadn't figured out who um mark maron. It was a different time. Who invented murder? The snake from the Bible? Didn't the snake kill somebody? No. The snake from the Bible did. Yeah.

Didn't the snake give an apple and then Adam and Eve were cast out and then they died? Is that how it worked? Well, eventually they died, but I don't know if it was a... I don't know how long Adam and Eve lived. They had kids. Yeah. They had lots of kids i think they maybe had a couple well if they're cousins of cousins of we're all cousins of them then how

do we know that a human is supposed to look like this like what if we were like big strong amazing looking things and we're just like the genetic we just look like this yeah like if they saw us they'd be disgusted by what they saw this is the second time and now each of you have commented on how disgusting i look and i'm not sure i want to be on this i wasn't saying how disgusting you look i was saying how disgusting you smell so that's when did i say did i say it yeah you did i said i said i was stunning inside and out and you said oh no you're not that's true she's calling you out on the floor and uh that's that's that's darn true i'll be telling your wife what

look i was actually i i was actually thinking even on zoom you're one of our only guests who who bothers who cares what they look like you're gonna say who bothers me and I was like oh man no who bothers to like you know make themselves presentable yeah you look great thank you I had an audition this morning for what

what was it for it was for oh I was I think it's a new series and it's like I don't know if it's CW or not but it's kind of like a, it's a comic book series. Yeah. Sounds like CW. Yeah, probably.

But it was kind of a fun one. If it's a shot in Vancouver, it's either a CW comic book series or is it too late for a Christmas movie? Oh, no. Oh, no. They could produce them right up until the 30th of November. That's right. They literally never stop. They never right. They're filming it live. They literally never stop.

They never stop. They never. Have you been in one? So I was not auditioning for that. I've never been in one. No. But I recently started to audition here and there for the Christmas ones. I have not.

I have yet to have booked. It's maybe because they look at what I do in comedy. Oh, okay. And they're like, i don't want to be associated with judging by the budget of those things they're not looking at anything they do not have time to like uh uh do any kind of research on the cat yeah fair yeah yeah so i haven't yet but i know that they just and i don't have cable so i actually kind of missed that i haven't had cable since hallmark has blown up and is like right or those christmas movies all the time so lots of people i know are just always my friend's dad loves hallmark movies this a wonderful man who's like a very like you know how would you guys guy and he owns a sports store and he loves hallmark movies well everybody needs their like dumb treat right he loves it i love it i love that

he loves it yeah that's i mean they are addictive if you watch one your brain turns like gonna do kind of a dumb wavelength and then you just want to chase that high you know i don't think i've watched one oh there was one on tv one morning that i i think they're on every morning on like city tv and the tv happened to be on that channel when i turned it on yeah and it was like yeah like i'm a career woman but how am i going to achieve all this and mom i'm not coming to the tree trimming ceremony this year i live in new york city that's right stock footage of new york city and then back to coquitlam british columbia back to the what's it called old fort what is the fort langley fort langley absolutely fort langley now you speaking of series you've been a part of, you were on The Mighty Ducks. The Mighty D's. Tell us. Tell us about it.

And you were, did you play Jane Stanton's wife? I did. She was my wifey. And was, is it fun to be on that show? How many episodes were you on? So I, oh God, I'm going to mess up. I really, I really just coast through life, you guys. I'm the worst guest ever because I will give you no facts, all lies.

You know what? But like, this is, Graham's really hammering you for information like what's fred armisen's name why is he doing this why is he doing this to me uh because you're in the hot seat and that's what our new format is is uh we get in the hot seat and then the second half we talk about a murder we're working on not not as killers as solvers speak for yourself okay back to mighty ducks yes please not murders um yes my next was lovely i think there were 10 episodes and i was in four we were both in four um which was great and uh jane and i uh jane stanton is an amazing stand-up local comedian played my wife which was really cool for me as a queer individual to get to play

um a queer person on tv and we were this your first time yeah yes i mean in the cadillac commercial you could i was she was queer she was 100 i couldn't tell yeah she was either by you know how you can tell by looking at someone what they are absolutely it's it's my it's my one great uh talent my main dar yeah gay um yeah she was quick she was she was bisexual on the catalytic commercial but um we had a whole meeting about it. Just be bi. Act bi. So I did my best.

U.S. bi. Yeah. No. So Mighty Ducks. It was called Mighty Ducks Game Changers, and I played a lesbian. How can they make a tv series out of the premise of mighty ducks so they changed it okay it was called mighty mighty ducks uh what did i say game changers yeah yeah they changed it oh my god it's all coming together okay so the ducks were actually the bad team in the series and the good team that

you root for are called the don't bothers oh they did change it they blew it up they really blew it up so the kids that you root for are on the don't bothers and they're not very good but they want to play so lauren graham it stars lauren graham and emilio estevez which was so cool and they were were lovely emilio estevez which was so cool and they were were lovely emilio estevez like both of them were quite lovely had a little bit more conversation actually no same yeah both great um and then uh hey amy give me any usbs you got just any time i brought it i brought it just kidding i didn't bring it i learned my lesson um but yeah it was really fun everybody was really cool.

We shot in the fall and so it like rained pretty much every day. But we had our little trailers and it was lovely and we got to skate. So I played, Jane and I played the mothers of one of the main characters. So he is arguably like the funniest part of that show. Everybody's, all the kids are great but he's so funny and we basically are just riding his little coattails because yeah that's where you want to be yeah so it was pretty cool is it weird i've always wondered is it weird to work with kids as a as an actor is it weird Feels like it would be weird. It

is different. Hmm. Yeah, it was different. I mean, we were lucky, like, we, because we were only in four episodes, but it felt when you're there, and most of our scenes got on the cutting room floor. Like, my friends were so lovely,

wanting, oh, I can't wait to watch Mighty Ducks, and I'm like, Blink and you'll miss me. They really... And they were like, oh, you were in it? I't wait to watch Mighty Ducks. And I'm like, Blink and you'll miss me. They really. And they were like, oh, you're in it. I was just excited about Mighty Ducks. Amelia West is back. How many people said I couldn't like I didn't realize still on episode four. And I can't see you. Like, where are you?

And I'm like, I swear to God, at some point you will see my face and I'll have one line in one episode. But it was still lovely and when you're filming it you film an episode even if you have only a couple scenes in it over like you know a week and a half sometimes two weeks yeah depending on how they're getting it all done so we were there a lot but yeah with the kids stuff like we kind of got lucky that we called ourselves like the parents so each kid had a set of parents or a parent and so we all kind of hung out and most of us were local so we we hung out with the kids a little bit but we didn't have to sort of deal with um or i don't know deal with is the right word is the right wording i take that back uh what would they we didn't have to punch we didn't get to we didn't get to thank you we didn't have the privilege of

beating the no we didn't have the uh you know because it's community yeah opportunity i'm good in job interviews i assume with kids and with humans and with long hours and all of them were american except for one so they're in a new place only one of the stars was local and it's a lot so they did a really good job but i did ask a lot of their parents often like how are they doing this must be really tough for them because they're just kids like they were young teens yeah um and i could only imagine that behind the scenes like to us they were it was fun they were running around they were very professional they were doing their thing but i guess what i mean with like i'm definitely there were times that you know it was a lot for them and they had to go to school. They were all going to school.

yeah, that's the thing that sucks. Yeah. I knew that that was, there was something that kids had to do more. I forgot about that thing. That sucks. It's school. Yeah.

So they, in between scenes or whatever, they're like studying. They're like, and they're resilient. It was insane. They go into their school trailer and then they'd yeah. Get their school done for like literally hours. And then they'd go back on trailer and then they'd yeah get their school done for like

literally hours and then they'd go back on set and then they'd come back again early morning to get their stuff done like they shot for a i think they shot from because they started shooting before we got there i think they shot from august until december can you imagine being one of those teachers like okay kids uh we're going to do some math. If you've got two scenes in one episode and half a scene in another. Exactly. Pretty much. If 90% of your lines are cut, then how many remain?

And how do you feel? How are you feeling? Yeah, they were great for what it takes to do that. Lots. You know what I mean? Can you imagine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's weird because I worked for a very brief time as a punch-up writer on a kid's show.

And they talk to kids like they're an adult, which is weird. It's not that they're not talking down to them. It's like they're talking to somebody who is their... I talk to my kids like an adult. I'm like, hey, kids, what's crack-a-lackin'? Oh, that's cool. Yeah, that is cool, Dave. Kids, what's crack-a-lackin'?

That's sweet. I'm surprised they haven't run away from home at this point. Oh, they have. Oh, they have, many times. They always come back. Yeah, yeah. I help them pack. Yeah.

I can imagine. Did either of you ever do the runaway from home when you were a little kid? Yes. Amy, tell us about it, please. I packed... I got in a fight with my mom, and I said... I'd always threatened to run away. Always.

I always threatened to call child services. I was a horrible child. Always threatened because she wasn't giving me something that I wanted. So I was like, I'll call someone. I will call someone. What? From what age to when? Did I say that or was I horrible?

Yeah. When did you start like threatening to run away? Being a devil child? When did I start threatening to run away? Probably from like, I was in elementary school. So I don't know. I was probably like grade, fifth grade to seventh grade. So like nine to 11.

That's prime. I'm threatening to run away time. I did once. And you know where I went? Where? I packed a bag and I put it on a stick because. No. Did you really? I'd seen it.

And that's how you ran away. So I put it on a stick. Did your mother keep a straight face through this? She just, I don't think she was around. I told her I was going to do it. She was, she literally was like, okay. Like finally was like, all right. And then I was like, no, this time I'm pulling through and I'm not coming back.

So I put my stuff. I put a couple's t-shirts I think I put a granola bar and I don't know what else and then I packed it up and I walked two blocks and I hid in this bush for an hour and then I went home and I went back home and I was mad did she notice

she just I think she just was like hi and I just was like you smell like hedge get a so yeah that was that that's so funny like because what if somebody did that they ran away with two shirts and a granola bar and now today they're a billionaire whereas i i was like this is it and yeah there's very few successful runaways yeah yeah yeah i mean you as their origin story the uh do you know the the old-timey comedian wc fields he he apparently like him and his dad hated each other and so one day he sat in a tree until his

dad walked under it he dropped a bucket on his head and then he ran away from home and never went back. I feel like that's, yeah. That old timey stuff. You can get away with a lot. Yeah, well there was no real system set up for children.

That's true. You could just go on a train. Yeah, yeah, you could. I love that you thought a stick was part of the traveling arrangement. There's no better part. That's true. You could just go on a train. Yeah. Yeah, you could. I love that you thought a stick was part of the traveling arrangement. There's no better part. That's how you supported your body while you carried your pack. Mm-hmm. You see these runaways now with the rolling suitcases. They never know how hard it was.

They don't know how hard it was. Yeah, you used to have to stick, walk around with a giant stick. Is that a phrase that people use? Walk slow and carry a giant stick is that is that a phrase that people use walk slow and carry a giant stick is that something speak softly and carry a big yes maybe it's so can you tell me who said it the rock was it the rock i want to say it's like whiston churchill or something no it wasn't the rock yeah it was the rock, which one was the one that led Britain to victory in World War II? The Rock.

Yes, The Rock. He was smelling what he was cooking. That's not right. He was like, We will fight on the shores. We will fight. We will fight the Gibronis. That sounds right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds right. Did you, growing up, did you ever watch any pro wrestling or is that just not interesting at all i did i only did because my brother did right so i liked like jake the snake yes um and because i liked his name i liked his name jake yeah not even the snake no i didn't like the snake but i liked his name was jake yeah not even the snake no i didn't like the snake but i liked his name was jake and uh yeah i totally used to watch i never really like i liked it i just like their outfits yeah their outfits were cool and it was fun it was silly and yeah jake i like that you

thought jake was cool i mean it was a cool name if i think of any jakes uh jake paul i definitely i definitely thought it was like i was a wrestling fan until i was about 11 then you ran away from home you didn't have a time to join wrestling and i was like i can't be a fan anymore i'm one of you i definitely i i accepted that other people still watched wrestling when I was through high school. Right. But then when I was in college, I was like, oh, really? Still wrestling? I don't know.

I like went away for years and then I realized, hey, what am I, why am I going away from this thing I love? So I reunited with it and it's been great ever since. When did you reunite with it? I don't watch, I don't watch i don't watch a lot of it but i do like i like you say like i like the costumes i like the pageantry i like the silly uh story watch them the wwe or the like i've been watching some of the new the ecw um and i think that's one cold cabana's it, but you can only get that on the internet. So you can't find that on TV or maybe you can, but not here in Canada,

or maybe you can. Can I, can you, I don't know. Do you? Yeah. So what did, what did you watch growing up?

What was your thing? Your brother had wrestling. What did you have? I, it's kind of boring, but i was a diehard i mean a lot but like my number one was full house oh hell yeah i loved full house what was your favorite thing about it well we'll go around well i'll say our favorite thing about yeah yeah yeah yeah me first yeah you first of course um i there's lots of things i loved about it but i had a crush on

stephanie and i wanted to be uncle jesse oh yeah yeah he could have been uncle jake and it still would have worked i think as i was the opposite i had a crush on uncle jesse and i wanted to be stephanie you were always saying how rude around the house oh rude oh my lanta oh wait no that was dj that was kimmy no that was dj it was kimmy was ola taneritos how do you know how do you remember oh because i spent hundreds of i got my 10 000 hours full house amy if you went to a vintage shop and there was a shirt that said ola taneritos how much would you pay for it? Oh, shoot. Okay. Well... It's like in fairly good condition.

I'd pay $35 for it. $35? I'd pay $150. What? Because I know that it's got to be one of one, you know what I mean? Yeah. Somebody made their own. Did you have a crush on any of them, Graham? I think I liked Aunt Becky. Yeah, I was. Somebody made their own. Did you have a crush on any of them, Graham? I think I liked Aunt Becky.

I think that was. Yeah, I was going to say. Me too. Yeah. Who didn't? Right? Yeah. Let her off.

Get her out of jail. Free Aunt Becky. Let her off. Let her off. Get her out. Get her out. She's out. She is out, isn't she?

Yeah. What do you think celebrity jail is like? Oh, boy. I was talking with my good friend fred armisen about this uh he doesn't know it looks like this room that i'm sitting in right now yeah it's like it's got nice kind of has nice simple decorations yeah some dried flowers are any of those is anything alive what's that big like that is it yeah is it a is is it a wheat stock yeah it's like uh i don't know what any of these things are called um jenny no okay because i think celebrity jail is like i feel like they get like like you say like it's a bit down from what staying at home would be like but a bit up like from staying in a hotel i feel like

it's hotel or better from it's better than a hotel yeah yeah yeah like i think they get their own fridges and they get the i think it's like a bad hotel. Yeah. Where you have to like, it's near the highway. There's only like a Quiznos to go to. See, now you've said it. That's the exact opposite of being in jail. That's being in paradise. The Quiznos.

I love being near the highway. But like it's, the Quiznos is on the other side of the highway and you really have to figure it out. And it's cold out. Boy, I've been in that situation before yeah it's funny being in a small town where they have a quiznos because like it feels like quiznos is really losing the war and they're backing up into losing it's it's the war's been over for a decade but like there's still last time you were in a quiz still around they're like those people that were on islands and weren't told that the war was over so they've been oh man quiznos man oh man love it last time i had quiznos the very last time i had quiznos i used to love it remember when quiznos came on the scene and it was like oh my god suck it i have nothing negative to say

about quiznos well i'm gonna say one thing that happened to me okay and it's not their fault it's okay it happens but it's not my fault that i can't eat there anymore because this happened right because they don't exist because don't they they don't know they do but like it's very hard to find one if you go to a small town there's the likelihood that there will be a quiznos right next to the Peter Pan. That's right. Some sweet little family owns the franchise. Yeah.

So I was super hungry. It's not a very good story, but I was super hungry. My mom brought me home Quiznos and it was toasted. Why would you ever run away? I know. I really I have a wonderful family. I'm just really a piece of shit I'm a PLT I've been a PLT my whole life so um she brought me home Quiznos and I was so hungry it was like starving

and she brought it home for me and I dove into it and then a long piece of hair wrapped around my tongue all the way around and I pulled it out and there it was. And it's not even a big deal. And I'm not, it's not their fault. My hair is everywhere. Our apartment is basically just a fuzz ball of, we both have my,

me and my partner both have long hair and it falls out everywhere, but I can't eat. I couldn't eat there ever again. Cause it just made me not feel good. Yeah. I get it. Made me feel like gaggy, but this is terrible.

No, that's like, there was, I this is terrible. No, that's, like, I don't know if it was across Canada, but Mr. Sub was, like, kind of the third wing of the triumvirate of Sub. Yeah. Because we didn't have Blimpy up here, but in the

States they have Blimpy. Yeah, we don't have Blimpy, we don't have Jimmy John's. Jimmy John's. Yeah. We don't have Jersey Mike's. Yeah, we don't have blimp we don't have jimmy johns jimmy johns yeah we don't have jersey mics yeah we don't have jersey mics we have like for the type of sandwich you get at jersey mics with like the ton of iceberg lettuce all shredded and uh like that's where mr sub kind of really shone but i remember a kid bringing in a big mr sub and then leaving it in the coat room for over the weekend and then we came back they were like maggots all over it and so i don't think i ever had a mr sub again yeah connection we uh they don't do it now because of covid but there was like hot lunches in uh margo's

kindergarten class uh and it was weird because they had like one day of like uh boy there was one day of pizza and you you could opt in like however many days a week you wanted like hey your kid will always eat pizza on wednesdays if you want yeah war is over if you want it yeah and then uh so i think we did like two days a week of hot lunches in kindergarten because she's a very picky eater but like there was like chinese day which had chicken fingers so i was like all right i hope you like chinese food yeah actually i love chinese I love Chinese food. And then on Fridays, it was Subway. And we never signed up for Fridays because a five-year-old can't eat a sub. Yes, that's true.

They can have a part of the sub or just like a pickle pulled out from it. Yeah, pieces of the sub that falls over. But it's just not good home economics so we would just send her with the pickle give her a pickle every friday one pickle heat this up in the microwave now you've got a hot lunch pickle friday um did you ever eat in the cafeteria in your youth or were you a brown bagger i never did i was a brown bagger um my mom i was very honestly was very lucky that is that is like my mo as a growing up my mom i had like the best lunches ever i always had a treat my mom sent a note in my brown

bag every day oh yeah so i had really good lunches like Like I never really, but all my friends did, they always got fries. And like, when I think back, it was all disgusting. Like the fries are okay, but there was like gross, like hot pocket sick.

Like what else was there? These gross grilled cheeses that they did, but they were like, not nice looking. As a parent, I am, it's, this is always on my mind.

Like, how do I, I guess i just have to get them to parent to child like i have to get them to adulthood yeah and then they can like make their own choices yeah but like until then like they're not gonna choose like if i give them two choices if i give them like a fruit roll up and a fruit, they're going to pick the roll up. Yes, that's right. You know what? It's reminding me of this is kind of a lot of left field, but we used to have these neighbors.

I was thinking, yeah, like, how do you because we ate crap like growing up. I was we had chips and we went we went to McDonald's and we had treats and like my mom cooked every night and she tried to like you know we did have whole meals and vegetables and stuff but we weren't like if we wanted something you know like or if we had it there or if it was a treat or that you know sugary cereal whatever we had it but our neighbors had two little kids and the parents were very like strict on what they ate I don't think they ever had sugar like they were in elementary school they'd never had sugar it was very strict on what they ate and my mom used to sneak them treats under the fence under the fence because they where are they now do you know who knows probably it's probably running a plts on the street being crazy like if you're if you get no sugar as a child like if your parents are super

strict about that you become a serial killer yeah they are yes and you leave a piece of candy at every scene what um are you a good eater now my i jenny my partner is is and i'm not so i kind of i'm better i'm better than i was but i i don't have a very good self-control like you know when you're at a party and there's food out which feels weird to say now but pre-covid in our lives when there was food out and if there's like a bowl of chips or you know cheesies and there's like veggies and dip i'm not going i'm not like i'm not one of those all my friends were always like oh i love here's the let me get some veggies in depth and i'm like give me fucking chips and cheesies now because i see them there and that's what i will have and i won't stop until i'm extra full yeah so yeah no extra extra full i i never want

like chips i never would go to a store and buy chips but there's always chips like if there's chips at a party i'm like yeah i'll have a few of these that's it yeah and i live in a house where there's always chips and so now i eat chips every day yeah chips are great i don't understand this the sorry the self-control how do you have jenny's always having few little chips and then she goes no i'm okay yeah like oh i'll pour it into a tiny bowl and then uh instead of just putting the bag between my legs while i while you drive home from work i have a bag of chips in my car right now in my passenger seat that is big and i've just been eating them throughout the day what kind of flavor we're talking there we're talking jalapeno miss vickies whoa too crunchy what it's the best part oh it's

gonna hurt my teeth well yeah i will i'll do it anyways there's a brand of chips called hard bite and i'm like oh that sounds painful yeah that sounds like something your doctor tells you to do for the fluoride treatment put your mouth in the hard bite yeah uh yeah i'm the same i don't understand like once i know there's a thing i have to eat the whole thing i can't like have a piece of it in the walkway it's either like i have the whole thing or i don't it's got to be out of my line of sight you know what i bought recently um was uh and i think they're mostly used for baking but chocolate wafers nabisco or christy makes like a sleeve of chocolate wafers they're basically oreos without the cream yes and they're fucking amazing they're amazing and i love to dip them in chocolate and just get them soaked. And so I've been working through those and they,

they, they're not, they don't come in a resealable container. that's right. So you, they're like in a week, they're going to get staler and stale. Yes.

Yeah. You, you owe it to yourself and to your purchase to plow through those as fast as possible. Yeah. You have to, those are delicious. Yeah, you have to. Those are delicious. Those cookies. Because they're not too sweet.

No, they are. And they're just like there's no way of denying you ate them because they're just, they're going to turn your mouth black. Black as night. Yeah. Have you guys ever had Tim Tams? Yes. Yes. The Australian.ian yes i went to australia with my dad

and i found i that was my first experience with tim tams of the chocolate i think did they come in different flavors there was like a hazelnut one or something the one we had was just like the original whatever brown package and my dad my dad also we just come from a line of like he will plow like he will go if they're all in front of him he will just plow so we were plowing these freaking tim tams in australia and i bought we bought hordes of them because we thought you couldn't get them here and then right a few days after i got home they are at save on foods they're everywhere so then did your dad like i'll gotta get rid of these and get myself some of these I've got to get rid of the shelf.

I've got to get them all. Pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, speaking of food. Glorious food. About a month ago, Abby and I went to Vancouver Island.

We dropped our kids off with their grandparents and we had a weekend alone and we had a two hour drive ahead of us. Please stop. So that day we were like, let's just go to the grocery store and get a lunch. Like, like just pick up something from the deli. And I got just a sandwich, a prepackaged sandwich and picked it up and drove and on the drive,

I ate it. And then I couldn't stop thinking about this sandwich. I got it at thrifty foods in Nanaimo. Okay. Is it like one of those big, like a grocery store deli sandwich? No, it was like on a Kaiser roll. Yes. Just a little. And like meat and cheese maybe. Cold cuts and cheese. Simple. And then

a couple days later we went to Sydney by the sea and we got a Skidney the kids call it. Oh do they? Yeah. We got some fish and chips but then we are having a late lunch

of fish and chips and we were like we don't need to go out for dinner let's just stop at Fairway Market a different grocery store get whatever

I got another I got a different sandwich and and review on that different sandwich ate it later it was so good wow

and so when i got back to town i was like maybe my new thing is grocery store sandwiches yeah like you could try one from every grocery store in town see who does the best ones and i have yeah and so here we go here's the brackets so i uh here's where i went i went to safeway i went to whole foods sure save on foods yeah city loblaws and choices okay so that's a good that's good range of grocery stores why not boza what boza i don't know what that is that is discriminatory against italians but go on where's that everywhere boza b-o-s-a there's two here it's not everywhere yeah it is sorry for interrupting go on no you you were right to interrupt but i'm writing history here you need to yeah you have to do that and also uh there's like that grocery store that's out on like

king's way it's like it's super cheap fantastic groceries i bet you they have a sandwich in there that knock your ass into the water where okay I'm looking at Boza right now. One's in Burnaby. I'm not going to Burnaby. Commercial. Yeah, commercial. Okay, fine. I can go to commercial. No, Victoria. It says it's on Victoria. Oh, my apologies. Victoria. Victoria. A little past commercial.

And it's closed right now. What time does this place open? It's only open between 10 and 1, so you have to get in there. Well, that's not You gotta go. You gotta get in line. gotta go i guess my like and i know that like uh mineheart does like a really they have like a deli with sandwiches but you have to like get a number they're not pre-wrapped i just want you go in you grab a sandwich and you get out right can i ask a question yeah okay you you there yeah me here hi um actually i guess you just answered it why wouldn't you go to like a delicious deli because you don't want to go and

pick all this stuff and tell them what to do you want it done i also want to get it like say i'm running errands at 10 in the morning i want to get it and have it kind of like reach room temperature it and have it kind of like reach room temperature by noon i want it hot no i don't want it hot i but i don't want it ice cold out of the fridge yeah i agree actually i don't like an ice cold sandwich can i tell you the best sandwich place in all of the land all of the world land i'm gonna see if it computes with my best yeah because i have one i like the best too but okay go ahead okay go ahead so this one's called la galleria oh so close to what i was gonna say what were you gonna say la grotta that's what i was gonna say is that a commercial yeah yes it is very good this this place in north vancouver in um edmont village is so freaking good you must go please and tell me a report back you get the

chicken you get extra sauce and you go and you just enjoy it you have a nice time you get cheese okay you sit in the village and you just on a sunny day you have a nice bite and then you call me and you tell me what's it just i mean i know but just remind me what's your phone number 604 five five five five five five five okay seven fives yep so dave who's the king or queen of the the sandwich game okay safe was... I don't remember it. Okay. So you had Memento disease at Whole Foods. They didn't have anything on a bun.

I want a bun. Okay. They had wraps. They had bread. Sandwiches. But the one I got was bread and it was fine. Okay. So it's fine. Save On Foods was good. It was in like a little paper sleeve um but i feel like a good grocery store sandwich has to be wrapped in saran wrap yes yeah with like the

label the sticky label on there keeping it closed yeah and like you have to flip the sandwich over to see when the, when it was made. And yeah. And it was, uh, save on was, they had a lot of varieties. I only had one. I'll go back and try them.

City Loblaws. I don't know about that place. Uh, it thinks it's fancy. They, I could have had fresh sushi. They have people making sushi on site cool but i was like well i'm doing this i'm doing the sandwich hunt i'm doing the witch hunt 2021

um and it was fine choices choices had a big sandwich wrapped in saran wrap and that was pretty good it needs it like it had meat and white cheese i feel like i need the white cheese i don't care what kind of white cheese right but it's got to be a white cheese and the truly nothing has matched the two sandwiches i had on vancouver island wow but i'll try boza foods even though they're open for 15 minutes during a waning moon i have to tell you something i don't think any of those sandwiches that you just talked about getting i do not want to hate on you dave and i i do not want to be a hater but i feel like all of those sandwiches are not are they truly you like you and you sit there and

you eat those sandwiches and they taste good no they were fine they were all fine but like the ones i liked were i was surprised at the ones i liked on vancouver island interest like they really like they maybe built up the idea of a grocery store sandwich too much in my mind. Okay, understood. You should try... Sorry. I should try what? Shopper's Drug Mart. I think they have them too.

Yeah, Shopper's Drug Mart's got a sandwich for sure. Yeah. I mean, if I could find a Quiznos, I would try a can of Quiznos. Isn't there a Quiznos still on right next to Commercial Drive? I think there is. I think there's one on Commercial Drive. But if I'm going to Commercial Drive i'm going to lagrada i'm gonna go to commercial drive tomorrow and i'm gonna eat one of those goddamn quiz no subs i now i'm in the mood get the green no jalapeno pepper that

they wrap up for you right remember that yeah yeah they do have you been to quizno since you've been a vegetarian yes and they have one thing that you can get and it's all the vegetables and cheese toasted that's all they have um but i'm running out of local grocery chains there's maybe by low foods apparently there's bosa there is and no frills doesn't carry this kind of situation i i don't know i don't want to get murdered president's choice president's choice is oh is that super superstore yeah i bet you they got a sandwich i always get superstore and savon foods confused because they didn't exist when i was really young okay savon used to be called overweighty that's right right there's always a weird name for a grocery store, right? Do you know where it comes from?

I don't. Go on. Because they were the store. Yeah. They would sell tea, and they would give you a little more tea than you were paying for. It was overweight tea. Oh, that's fun. That's a fun little fact.

It's a sucky name. What? I'm not sure I even understand that. It's, you know, how Nickelback got their name because they worked at a concession and they always gave a Nickelback. They'd say, here's your Nickelback. Then they became Nickelback. Look, I know nothing about Nickelback and I'd rather not talk about them.

Yeah. Nickelback is the overweighty of fans. Overweighty. So I'm doing a sandwich hunt i feel like i missed i'm completely misguided on this well here's a question that this then now is cropped up as you said that overweighty is the nickelback of grocery stores now i want to know what each grocery store is the musical equivalent um boy they're all kind of you too they're like a little bit they're dependable but who cares like they're nobody no one has a favorite right yeah yeah okay like we became

we we've we go to whatever store it doesn't matter but then like during the pandemic we became real safeway stands because of their uh they're they're so good at like wiping down their carts but apparently that's sanitation theater yeah i love sanitation theater i go there once a year around december and i'm a donor i have one of their a donor. You can see one of the seats has my name on it. That's so nice. So the quest continues. The quest continues.

If anybody in Vancouver knows of a place that you can grab a pre-made sandwich, send it our way. I think I'm just wrong. I think I'm just wrong. I got my hopes up so much that i'm like maybe i'm a pre-made sandwich guy they're all like eight dollars which is more

than i should be paying yeah i when i was in england i got addicted to uh there's the chain pret uh pret a manger and their sandwich their caprese sandwich was so fantastic that i ate it anytime i saw pratt i'd duck in and get get a quick caprese oh yeah yeah but that's one of those sandwiches they do i think they do a good christmas sandwich too with the cranberries and stuffing yeah this is the place this is the place and it's everywhere everyone also go to greg's and get a sausage roll yeah yeah greg's was the first like uh place in the uk to offer like a veggie roll and uh it was so controversial that they were doing it but it worked it worked just fine everybody's still alive yeah look at greg now yeah yeah exactly 3g is in that. Greg has 3G technology.

Yeah, that's right. Go on. They're hoping to upgrade to 5G. They should. When we were in Italy, I don't know. I think this is like a known thing, but the first time I went, I've been. This is you and Jenny? Jenny and I, yes.

Jenny. She Italian? She is half Italian. Is that why she loves that bozo booth? Yes, it is. i know you don't come there naturally i'm white as hell they don't even let me in they know they call me italians are white too monger cake well it's like they but they think that they're not and that i just am yeah right um when we're in italy you can literally stop at gas stations and like anywhere and they have the most amazing sandwiches

ever and they're like we were jenny was like no stop at a gas station we're gonna get lunch here and i was like we're not gonna get lunch here let's go to like a restaurant she was like no trust me the sandwiches are amazing it's literally a gas station and the sandwiches are like gourmet they're delicious i believe you and i'm so mad you know in italy guys i want to move to italy that's the thing like you go to italy and you're like this country has got it figured out there to have like a siesta every day yeah food is amazing they look great like even like they're always mad they're always mad they're passionate scooters and there's the museums and the history i would go to italy to eat i would maybe go to india to

pray and geez where would i go the hallmark store yeah i think so they really take care of their i feel like the way of life too with i noticed i've only been there twice but i've noticed both times that the elderly always sit outside like they're always sort of still a part of, I don't know, like here, I feel like we're, people are really, a lot of our elderlies just stay inside. And that's the way it should be. Well, oh my God.

Hey, we don't talk like that on this podcast. Yeah, Dave, you don't want you to stand in the corner and think about what you've done. Yeah. No, no chickens, no Chinese chicken fingers for you. Oh, but what about Chickity China? No, you're not getting any Chickity China tonight.

Can we say that? That sounds bad. Yeah, it doesn't sound like something. No, it's fine. You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking. Alright. Okay. Look, this is the thing that in the future, I can't believe he would defend Chickity China. From now on, we'll be watching X-Files with the lights on.

Dollar Maze on. You'll be locked up. Like you said, all elderly people should be. Yeah. Oh boy. In 10 years, I'll be 50.

Whoa. You'll be locked me up. You'll be locked. I'll come up. Graham, what's going on with you? I went, uh,

I went home to Calgary, Alberta to see my folks and to see my nephew who I hadn't seen since he was still being carried around. And now he's a walk and talk and party machine. So how long were you gone? A week? I was gone five whole days. Five days. That's a week. That's a work week.

That's a work week. And yeah, it was nice. It was weird. Like going on the plane didn't feel weird. In fact. Was this your first time? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. First time getting on the plane with the mask. And honestly, I don't know how I ever sat on an airplane without a mask. Now that I'm doing it, I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking my whole life of just breathing in the air of whatever, you know, mouth breather is next to me and a smooth brain mouth breather. But it was great. Like the play was great. I watched Devil Wears Prada with the sound off.

I just read it. Close captioning. I watched the whole movie like that. You can't watch a whole movie in an hour flight uh well it's an hour it's an hour and 20 if you did you get to the part where she talks about cerulean yes what a great scene that is yeah yeah it's it's a really good movie i i enjoyed it. I think I saw it once ages ago, but I'm like, I stan Anne Hathaway now a little bit because of that movie. Yeah,

it has to be a good movie. Would Meryl do anything less? Of course not. Yeah, she did that one where she played a rock star and it was called Josie and the Rockers or something. Ricky and the Flash. Yeah.

So then I went to calgary and it was at the the same time that my nephew's birthday was his second birthday so they had how old is he now he's uh two he is two years old yeah yeah he's a two-year-old and uh he's incredibly social kid he He doesn't, like strangers, that doesn't faze him. And so. Damn, it's been two years. Yeah. Yeah. Since he was born? Yeah, since he was born.

Isn't that fucking crazy? We went to Calgary two years ago at the library and he was about to be born. That's right. He was born the very next day. From that. You're welcome. Yeah. Dave came, blessed the the baby and i left town

um but one of the things i've and i've never done this before is i attended a child's birthday which has never been uh even as a child you'd never no as a child but it's a different dynamic when you're on the other side of the fence you know um but yeah i only have a nephew very recently so there's no where would i have gone to a kid's birthday i mean you've had have you had kids birthday i didn't go to one at your house today i mean we've definitely had them yeah no i don't think you would have been invited but you were not invited maybe the first maybe the first first birthday sure Sure, yeah. But then it's like kid invites only kind of thing.

Yeah. Margot is turning seven tomorrow. Jesus Christ. And we're, like, she wanted to have an LOL doll party. But I was like, you're turning seven. We're doing a seven years in Tibet party. And she was like, we're doing a seven a seven one and she was like it's your pick yeah but i was like she was like what does that mean i'm like yeah no it's fly fishing and she

was like that's legends of the fall you're completely off no he's got long hair in it um but yeah it's a kids party it is like a whole other dimension it's like because the adults are trying to talk and force you know conversation on each other and the kids are getting along like crazy like they just figure out some is the alpha kid and they just follow that kid around and you know he'll divvy up balls for for kids to play with how many it's hard because two-year-olds don't you know meet they don't go out and they don't have friends from work yeah that's this is i guess all the pals were parents that had kids but he didn't seem like it is he wasn't missing anybody he's everybody was you know, as far as he's concerned,

lifelong friends. Yeah. Probably were. Yeah. And it was cute, man. It was adorable. They had everything set up.

They had one of those little tubes you crawl through. They had a slide. They had a house with a bell. It was great. At what age do you, do your knees start hurting

from crawling through a tube? Man, probably when I was six. i'm giving this up man i don't want to go in this tube anymore but uh yeah and then like you can just watch a kid be hilarious for so long right there was a kid that just kept saying one more uh for like half an hour just whatever she was doing like okay you know they'd be like okay that's over and then she'd run to the slide be like one more slide and then they'd be like okay slides over and she's like i gotta go back to the house just a quick one more uh where was this held this is held at my uh brother whose child it is house and they're back, you've got slide and house?

They can do that out there. Yeah, they've got more room out there in Alberta. Big sky country. Yeah, you can just have as many tubes as you want. Does it make you want to have kids? I don't know. I mean, I enjoyed the party. If it's always like that, then sure. Dave, is it always like that? Is it always fun?

And are you having drinks? Yeah, what's it like? Yeah, you're always drunk. One thing I can tell you about parenthood is you're always drunk. Your kid threatens to run away and you're like, you throw a bottle at them. Here's some money for a gas station sandwich, you freak. Have yourself

an Italian gas station sandwich. It'll be better than anything on this continent. Graham, do you see... I don't see you having kids. Well, I'm physically unable because of... Because of a horse injury. Yeah, because of a horse injury. That's right.

Kicked right in the ghoulies. Yeah, I don't know. Amy, what's your 18-year plan for kids? Yeah, I know. I'm like every year i'm like i got a couple more good years left that if i do want to you know i still can but it's a little bit different well i don't want to say it's different for us but a part of what's different for us is that we have to like it can't just oopsie like we have to actively figure it out and pay lots and lots of money to try and make that happen.

So we're just, I don't know. I can just, Graham and I can fill a cup for you and leave it just outside your house. And yeah, we'll mix it together so you don't know who it was. You'll never know. I won't know. That would be so lovely, you guys. Thank you. One of them, he grows up loving gas station

sandwiches and then you're like that's dave i guess do you like sandwiches yeah it's dave little dave but it's a procedure you can't just yeah like yeah yeah you gotta go and do the whole thing and it's really expensive it's very very expensive um to do that like i have we have a lot of queer um friends that have tried and um some have worked and some haven't but they've drained a lot of their bank account to try and do it so yeah yeah all i had to drain never mind something else and free. Yeah. And you have lots of it. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me that.

Dave? Do you know, we're in the middle of a federal election and one of the political parties, it's a very right-wing party, it's called the People's Choice Party, I think. Yes.

And they have a candidate in Ontario, I believe, whose whole thing online is he's about semen retention. What? Like, he says that it makes us more powerful. You shouldn't just have it out of your body.

Like, it's the building blocks of who you are. What a silly person. He's like the silliest man. Well, like, imagine going public with him. Yes. Imagine saying that not just to your immediate people that you know. Yeah. And be instantly corrected instead of just like printing out fires and having a website.

People will vote. People will vote for him. What? I voted early. It was fun. Well, good for you. I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait till the day where I have to wait in line.

You know, really sweat it out. It was two minutes. There were two people voting and 30 people working at the poll. What percentage of Canada do you think will vote in this federal election? Do you think it's above 30 or below 30? Apparently,

5 million people voted early. Wow. Shit. Yeah, I think people will vote. I think it'll be a good... By the time people hear this, we'll have a new prime minister or the same one. Yeah. And that semen retention guy will be there.

It'll be him. It'll be him. Yeah. It'll be him. And we'll all be holding our tits. Minister of Foreign Affairs. him. Yeah. It'll be. I'll be holding our minister of foreign affairs. Yeah. Yeah. Minister of health.

Be mandated to keep your come inside. And we will. That's what we'll do. That's what we'll do. That word has never been said on this podcast. Sorry. That can't be true. Sorry.

Beep. Leap. Sorry, you guys. Should we move on to some overheards? Sure. Congratulations. You've won a ticket to attend an exclusive opportunity in a relaxing environment with two lovers. Wow.

Well, this sounds like a sort of proposition of sorts, but really it's an ad for our podcast. Wonderful. It's a show we do here on Maximum Fun where we talk about things that we like and things that we're into. I'm Rachel McElroy and you just heard Griffin McElroy and we are excited for you to join us as we talk about movies and music and books. Things like sneezing or the idea of rain. Can you get news or information you can use?

Absolutely you cannot because we're here to talk to you can use? Absolutely you cannot. Because we're here to talk to you about pumpernickel bread. You can find new episodes on Wednesdays. So catch the wave. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where if you can hear it, you can remember it, and you can speak it. Bring it here to the podcast. We always like to start with you can remember it, and you can speak it, bring it here to the podcast.

We always like to start with the guest. Amy, would you please? Oh, God. An overheard. How much time do we have for me to figure one out? You have 18 months to have chosen one. 18 months to have chosen one. True.

Yeah. An overheard. Okay. And it can be just anything that, like, could it be someone talking to me? No, it can't be that. No, of course it can be and just anything that like could it be someone talking to me no it can't be that no of course it can be that yes it absolutely can be that okay all i can tell you is that i'm just trying to think i haven't really overheard somebody saying anything lately but i was the first thing that i thought i was like i have a story did you guys ever see my do you guys ever notice my mother on my stories um i don't follow anybody on instagram oh yeah right i block you yes and i forgot dave blocked me right okay sorry that was really stupid

and i hate myself um so my mom is really really funny and um she's often in interesting but like sometimes intentionally but mostly unintentionally and that's the best kind of funny totally and she is very kind and gentle and um is often finding herself in interesting situations um and one story that stuck out uh for me that was overheard by me because she was talking to me i was home at our house, at my childhood house that she still lives in. And she came out and she came out of her bedroom with her little iPad. She has a mini iPad and that's all she uses. And she said, Amy, I have to talk to you. And I was like, what? I hate when she talks to that because it scares me. And I'm like, what, what? Something's wrong with my iPad. I'm like, okay,

what's up? I'm like, why are you talking like that? And she's like, someone has taken over my iPad. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Someone's taking over your iPad here. And I'm mad because she's like talking in this tone that scared me.

Take her little tiny iPad. And I'm like, what? She's like, there's porn on here. And I'm like, what are you talking about? There's porn on here and i'm like what are you talking about there's porn on here she's like literally i swear like this is what she said a website came up that was called lonely bitches.com i swear like i promise you i i was like what and she's like how do they know where i live and how have they gotten onto she's like, how did they know where I live?

And how have they gotten onto my iPad? And how do they know I live alone? I was like, she was attributing. Someone took over iPad, knew she was alone. So went to lonely bitches dot com. And then she thought I was like, mom, I don't. And then she thought it was me. She's like, have you used my iPad lately?

I'm not looking at porn on your fucking mini iPad, mom. And then she was going through like. I got this USB. I have this USB in my pocket, mom. I don't need your iPad. So then she started going through my brother. She's like, well, Kevin was here recently. Was he on my iPad?

I'm like, again, mom, none of your children are watching porn on your mini iPad, and we're sure as hell not going to lonelybitches.com. Anyways, that's the story. But she was very scared and I don't know. I was like, have you been looking at something weird yourself? Yeah. Have you been typing in, like, are you trying to find lonely dogs?

And that's what you typed in? What is this exactly? Look, none of your 30-something children. We can all hold it in. In fact, some of us are voting for a guy whose whole thing is holding it in. Exactly. He's the only one that has a platform about it.

Everybody else, we don't know. We have no idea. He's got guts. That's what makes him powerful, because he has all that cum inside of him. Oh, sorry. I said it again. He's got guts. That's what makes him powerful. Cause he has all that come inside of him. Oh, sorry. I said it again. I'm so sorry.

That's it for me. Thank you. Good night, everybody. That's right. Uh, Dave, do you have an over?

Mine is not completely unrelated. Um, mine is an overseen. So I was on, um, Instagram and Instagram will advertise to you uh and they'll advertise you know uh whatever company some company right they'll say hey buy this by this air conditioner yeah buy buy this widget from your economics textbook.

And I got an advertisement from DoorDash. Yes. Popular food delivery app. And they'll be like, hey, do you like Indian food? There's an Indian restaurant. And I don't use DoorDash for delivery. I'll use them for pickup. because the delivery fees are so high. Oh my gosh.

Right. Um, but I got, uh, advertised a DoorDash ad for, uh, male and female harmony adult boutique, uh, which is, uh, on Broadway, uh, in Hemlock. I know exactly where it is. It's next to a circle K. which is on Broadway in Hamlock. I know exactly where it is. It's next to Circle K. And it's an adult, you know, a porno store. Sex toys.

Sure. But I've never seen any store advertise on DoorDash. I didn't know you could get DoorDash to pick you up something from a store, let alone a porno store. Right, and you'd be like my i'm a size 38 30 and could you try them on if you're similar size well i was like i was wondering two things one does anyone pay you know 80 in delivery fees for 30 worth of butt plugs

yeah if you're dave if you're in need of that many butt plugs, it means you planned poorly. Your orgy is... How many butt plugs do you think you could get for $30? I'm guessing... I think one. One? I was going to say three. Jenny, how much are our butt plugs?

So you can get... They're about $10. $10, $15 a piece. $10? they're about 10 dollar 10-15 bucks a piece 10 dollars they're about 10 euros so you can get them at any any gas station

we only use them in Italy they're streamlined Ferrari butt plugs the other question is do they put the butt plugs

in one of those like thermal warming bags yes yeah you don't want that cold man you want that nice and toasty and then take you know a segue over to your house yeah with your butt plugs listen what if they don't have a car okay they're not bringing their bag of butt plugs on the bus

they gotta get it delivered yeah and i'm not, I'm not, obviously the algorithm has chosen this store for me for a reason. I'm not too proud to say I'm, you know, I'm a freak in the bedroom. Yeah, sure. You're a lonely bitch. You're a lonely bitch.com. I'm a geek in the boardroom. But no, I will not be getting my butt plugs delivered. What, those rates?

I got to tip the guy? Yeah. How much do you tip a butt plug delivery? I tip everyone the same. 100%. Wow. That is expensive. That gets really expensive.

I very rarely get a thank you for it because it's usually at the end of the night when the server's already gone to another table. Yeah, you just want that wow is what you want. No, no, no. I don't do this for me. This is for the people. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, that was my overseeing. Adult stores are on DoorDash. Nice. Nice.

My overheard is courtesy of sitting at a Starbucks patio, sipping a grande something or other. Your favorite size. Yeah. Grande. I just love grande. I love Ariana Grande. I like other things. Another example, perhaps.

But it was two younger fellas, and they were talking about videos that they've watched online, and one of them said, have you ever seen that video where the panther or the cheetah grabs the alligator out of the water and drags it into the forest? And the other guy said, yeah, you know what? The alligator's only got one move. And then I thought about it. I was like, that's true.

They have one move that they can do if it doesn't work. They're screwed. So, yeah. Have you seen this video, you guys? No. Where it's like a panther, leopard, I think a leopard maybe, and like coaxes the alligator out of the water and then flips it on him and chomps him up and takes him into the woods. It's a thing of beauty.

I haven't seen it, but I just listened to an interview with Mary Roach, the author. Papa Roach's mother? Yeah, Papa Roach's mother, who's written a new book about animal crimes and investigating crimes committed by animals. Wow. And she said that bears bite faces a lot. Oh, shit. Okay. And if you find a dead body,

the forensics of it, to know what animal is responsible for it whereas cats uh will just like snap someone's neck really fast oh wow but bears will kind of like just take your face off and then fuck around with you well there's yeah bears don't really know what they're doing whereas cats are like they've got a plan and like i always hear conflicting you know reports of what you're supposed to do some people say play dead or some say act like you're big or like you're a big boy yeah start tipping tip really well act like you're a big big boy big boy big boy um yeah but what is it what is the true one is it you're supposed to play i think it

depends on the animal but i mean with bears i'm thinking with with bears but like i think it depends on black bear grizzly bear yes oh so many different types of bear polar bear for sure will snap you in half those those guys they know how to park. Act warm around that. Do you know in Nunavut, there's a... Oh, no, sorry. In northern Manitoba, there's a law. Churchill, Manitoba? Churchill. Yeah.

Do you know this? Do you know this law? I don't know the law. The law is that everybody has to leave their cars unlocked because if somebody's attacked by a polar bear, they should be able to get into a car to protect themselves. No. Yeah. Oh, cool. Wow.

I know that on Halloween when kids are trick-or-treating, there's patrols that go out with guns to protect the kids from polar bears. Yes. Wow. Yeah. What a cool place to live. You hear me? Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Watch out out you're okay yeah you're okay you're okay you're okay go on go to the house i know that was loud you're okay you're okay yeah oh that'd be so scary i'm very scared of bears i've developed an uh later in life serious fear of of bears which i hate because i love the wilderness and i love the woods and it's my favorite place to be but i just think there's bears everywhere i think bears and heights and depths are things that it's reasonable to have a fear of yeah for me it's sharks yeah any kind of water yes yeah even a pool yeah what about whales i'm for whales well yeah whales i don't

think want to do you they want to play with you they want to play with you and keep you down oh like yeah killer whales but i know otters otters like to do that with dogs really do not let your dog swim with ottersters yeah oh and then there's like nice fun sweet otters and then there's river otters the one that but like who knows the difference I think you need to make yourself look big for river otters

I never know what to do with river otters and make yourself look you know midge for river dales who do you have to act poor around? Is it leopards? Who's the lion? I'm a popper. Go up to a lion with your pockets empty.

Yeah. That's what's great. Now we also have overheards from people all over the place. If you want to send us one, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org and first up here we have Casey from Arkansas.

Howdy. Casey says, it's almost the season of skeletons. My four-year-old realized that everyone dies and becomes a skeleton. I overheard him, older brother, and dad talking at bedtime. Four-year-old to dad, are you going to die first?

Dad, first of who? Four-year-old, out of me, to die first dad first of who four-year-old out of me mom brother and you older brother oh mom is dying first so confident yeah it's uh wow yeah i still don't know I still don't know who in my family who's first. What you have to do is you have to get a ghost in the house, and then the child will draw the ghost. It'll be a family, and then a third person, third kid. And they'll be like, that's my friend, Josiah, who says he was killed here.

I think all you have to do is ask a Ouija board, and it will tell you who's gonna die that night i'm speaking of fears i fear the ouija board yeah mine always just always says dave sucks oh i'm sorry is coming true yeah which is true see it's scary because dave you do suck i do i know how did it know who's who's there this is too scary talk to me show yourself i suck you suck um this next one comes from mark from louisiana howdy hey yeah i was doing some collage with my four-year-old daughter two four-year-olds wow i told her southern four-year-olds yeah this is it four-year-olds on parade um four-year-old daughter i told her oh no we're low on tape

without missing a beat she said we're low on tape but we're high on glue she's four wow my god does she have older siblings yeah she's huffing at a eighth grade level well kids these days they get into stuff early yeah that's right it's uh you know it's like the olympics you gotta be like euphoria yeah wow what is that is that the tv show yeah it's kid sex drug show guess i'll watch that next zendaya um this last one comes from jay miller was walking in greenwich park on the weekend and saw a row of benches that were part of something called the Millennium Promise Scheme, where people donated money to charity and had a plaque set onto a bench broadcasting what they promised to do to improve the world in the new millennium.

Most responses were very heartfelt, along the lines of, I promise to take care of older relatives. I promise to dedicate my spare time to volunteering. But the one in the attachment seemed a bit out of place so it and it is a real plaque and it says I will raise the awareness of the music of Mark Boland so I don't know who he is so from T-Rex or something oh maybe he's from T-Rex or Thin Lizzy or one of those? We need to look this up. But like his solo stuff? What are we talking?

Are we talking in a band? Are we talking solo? What are we? He was in T-Rex. I'm going to spread the word. They didn't spread it far enough. I never heard of him. They did Bang Agong.

Is that them? Yes. Yeah. He's a British musician. Yeah. Okay. Well well you guys are right i guess then that's who he should be pumping up is british musician mark bolin okay well in addition to overhears that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. Not a week goes by where I don't have to look at the little picture I have of the phone number. That's one.

Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. I didn't have to look at it that time, but I was like, oh, no, I got ahead of myself. I did that the other day when I was ordering something. I was like, I'm going to freestyle what my card is. And I got halfway and I lost my nerve. Oh, I know. I can tell you my Visa number right now.

Yeah, tell me your Visa number. Dan, tell me your first pet. 4- 1-1. That's too many numbers. Wow. Wow. one one that's too many numbers wow wow i know what's getting bleeped uh here we go hi dave and graham this is sarah going from st john's uh newfoundland and libador um i ended up watching the sunrise a couple days ago on signal hill uh was just up very early and there were two young women who were

there together watching the sunrise one of whom was having a birthday and she was telling her friend all the things that she had learned in the last year and they were talking kind of loudly especially because there were no other sounds because it was 5.30 in the morning.

All the things she had learned in the last year and the wisdom that she had, I don't know, accumulated and was going on in this manner for several minutes until she finally stopped and there was a pause and her friend just under her breath said looking at this on her eyes, said, looking at the sunrise, I think this is what God's vagina looks like. What?

Anyway, love the show. Thanks. Wow. Happy birthday to her. Happy birthday. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I think this is what God's vagina looks like.

In a sunrise. Beautiful. Yeah. I think it looks like purple and orange yeah very colorful very wavy different shapes yeah kind of looks like the same colors you'd see in like a gobstopper yeah a gobstopper gobstopper a godstopper well um well hey when was the last time either you ever watched the sunrise uh i i might uh i take my dog for a walk every morning monster and uh he's uh now that we're getting into fall sunrise is getting closer and closer to the walk i haven't seen the sunrise and i don't

have a good vantage point for it when i'm walking the dog but you know i'm seeing some you know some purple and oranges yeah you're getting the vibe how about you amy last time you saw a sunrise the last time i can remember seeing a sunrise was when we were visiting my partner's uh sister and her baby wakes up very early like we were i remember getting up and being like it's literally the middle of the night and they're starting their day so i think then which would have been like a year ago maybe or something but yeah but it was beautiful it is it is a really beautiful thing yeah yeah yeah for like a minute yeah then you go back to bed yeah but like shouldn't we all be

getting up and looking at the sunrise and then going back to bed? That seems like a thing that we should as a people enjoy. Yeah. But I do it only accidentally. I mean, I wake up ten times a night. Is that worth anything? Yeah, it's basically the same. I do too. Odd. Here's your next phone

call. Hey, this is Benjamin from Chicago calling with not exactly an overheard but something that i thought you would y'all would enjoy uh i uh was browsing an article that mentioned the hamburger chain a and w and i looked at my wife and said you know what that stands for, right? And she said, no. And I said, with a wink, hamburgers and beer. And she looked at me with a deathly cold stare and said, says who? Anyway, off I go. I've had enough of your shit.

How do you know? Yeah, back it up with actual findings or get out of my face I mean I think your first mistake is that is like the degree of difficulty on that joke is too high for a layman yeah

you have to already be in the groove you have to have like 10 years of people knowing you're an idiot. Maybe your partner, wife,

girlfriend, I wasn't paying attention, knows it already. But I think you gotta work a little bit better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Harder?

Harder. Make it seem like it's going one way and then zag the other way. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's a classic joke

we say on the podcast, by the way, Amy. I don't know if you listen. I do not ever listen to anything either of you do. Why would you? That's fair. You're an Armisen fan

through and through. Yep. Yeah, here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Joe from Orlando. I live in Longwood, Florida. Oh, wow. And I'm calling in

with an overheard. I just left the 7-Eleven gas station. And the guy next to me in line was like, can I have a pack of, I don't know what he got. He got it. He said like Marble Light 100 and a pack of Newport 100 and a pack of Newport Regulars or whatever. And the lady behind the counter is like, what are you going to a cigarette party? Which I thought I don't know what that party is.

I love that. What the fuck are you going to? A cigarette party? I want to go to that party. That sounds like something your dad would say to shame you. Oh yeah. The fuck is this? Shameful. What do you think? You're cool enough to go to a cigarette party? Did you ever smoke amy

yes how many cigarettes are in a package i think 20 20 or 25 25 buying buying 20 to 70 or 60 to 75 cigarettes that's a party that's a big party that's a dark party we yeah we've uh dart party we've rented a houseboat and we're all just gonna smoke our asses off yeah uh we're gonna smoke we're gonna slow smoke a pig and uh sit around smoking oh we're gonna smoke everything tobacco smoke a pig just put it on the spit with a cigarette in his mouth yeah oh yeah nicotine ham what are you going to smoke i want to say that i'm going to start saying that now hey what no smoke party what are you having some kind of cigarette party you having a sick party or what what's going on out here yeah i love that um well that brings us

to the end of this here podcast amy tell tell us about when is your podcast going to be? Why does everyone sound so sarcastic when they say that? Please, can I stay longer? Can we do two more hours? Our podcast, we don't have an exact release date, but it should be released early October. And if you follow us on our joint Instagram page at Ryan and Amy show, that's where we'll be releasing all the good information on it.

Nice. I can't wait to hear it. Thanks. And thank you. All you people out there for listening to the show. We love you in a very special way. And we want you to retain it for the rest of your life. And come on back next week

for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.