Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 709 - Danielle Koenig

Episode Date: October 19, 2021

Danielle Koenig from How to Survive with Danielle and Kristine joins us to talk fears, napping, and bowling.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 709 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who claims he doesn't have anything to talk about, but I beg to differ, Mr. Dave Shumka. We'll see, we'll see. There's going to be a reveal later in this episode where I talk about something that I've... It's quite unique to me.

Something I haven't done in years. Okay, this is fun. But it's literally not a thing. It's literally not a thing. And that voice you hear there is today's guest. You can hear her on How to survive with daniel and christine it's daniel caning everybody hi hey how are you i'm good so let me just get this straight dave you approached graham and said look i got nothing to talk about let's do a podcast

that's been the bulk of 709 weeks ago that's what i. Okay, just want to get on board. Well, what I said this week was I got nothing. And I expected my comedy partner to be like, you know what? This is when I carry you. I'm not going to let everyone know you've got nothing. But instead. But instead that did not happen. He was like, you're on your own, dude. Hello, thank you for being on the podcast.

Thank you. Should we get to know us? Yeah, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Now, this podcast, this is brand spanking new, this podcast. It is. We've released two episodes as of this conversation. And what are, I know I listened to one of them was about fire.

So like surviving, like, like forest fires more than just house fires, but I guess house fires as well. Yeah. So the premise of the show is my, my friend and my podcast partner, Christine Kimmel,

she's kind of scared of everything. She's one of those people who's like, she's scared. Her house will burn down. She's scared. Her kids will be taken from her. She's scared. She'll run off a bridge, you know, just like one of those people who's like she's scared her house will burn down she's scared her kids will be taken from her she's scared she'll run off a bridge you know just like one of those and there are a lot of people like that who just kind of go through daily my i have way different kinds of fears that are mostly involved with you know just me in the aging process and um

yes yes my son in the aging process so So the idea is. That's the inevitable. You know what I mean? Fires and. Fires and. Kidnappings may happen. Yeah. You know what's a good way to get, to speed up the aging process is get caught in a fire. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. It's. You can really put bags under your eyes if you're caught in a fire. Exactly. So. And then do you figure out, like, because uh do you do you have all the answers or are you just all the answers all of them 100 of the answers so the idea is that we take a topic that people are afraid of you know fires or bears or um tornadoes or home invasion and we kind of give you some some you know googled tips on how to deal

with it we do not we do not claim to be experts we are clearly not experts and we we're joking through the whole thing we are giving helpful hints but we are also joking through the whole thing and then for the second half we have on a guest who uh we didn't on the episode you listen to but every other episode we've had a guest who talks about how they survive something oh less dramatic more comedic for instance um you know how to survive um uh a wildfire oh no you did listen that one i did listen to the wildfire how to survive a wildfire the one that we pair with that is how to survive being fired. And our friend Alex Alexander came on and told a really funny story about being fired. I've been fired.

Have you been fired? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Give us a quick rundown. What are the positions you've been let go of? All right. Well, I'm a writer and I've written on a bunch of animated shows. Cool. And I wrote on a Disney animated show.

And there were only three of us writers. There originally were four of us writers. And our boss said, you know, I'm going to fire this other writer, the person I shared a room with. Right. And I was like, well, why are you telling me that? Why are you telling me ahead of time that this person I like and who's you know this sweet woman is going to be fired so she told me like weeks before she was going to fire her and then of course she was a can so then so you're carrying around around this i want to fire her i just need to work up the courage

i know i'm like why she was an odd woman then she told me that I was the only one who got the show. Okay, great. Me of the three people, I'm the only one who gets the show. Right. Then it starts turning bad. And it's like, I don't know if you guys have ever, are you guys writers? I know you're comics. Are you writers?

A little bit. A thing or two. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So when you're on a show, maybe not even as a writer in any capacity, you can kind of tell like, oh, things are going off the rails yeah it's a brand new show and like this arm doesn't this hand doesn't know what this hand's doing and we want it to be this kind of show but we want it to be this kind of show and it kind of

started falling apart and so some scapegoating started happening yes and was that the name of the show is it scapegoating and it's about a magical goat who gets blamed for everything. And it's a preschool show. It's about shame. So, like, I remember once I asked the boss, so, you know, have you, do you have any notes for my outline I sent you? Because she just hadn't responded to an outline I sent her. She was like, yeah, I haven't gotten to that yet. And was like oh this is this bodes not well oh yeah because it was just on like the schedule was all off so they would have these meetings they would have writers meetings but she would only

meet with the other two writers the other two writers were in the room next to me so you're sitting alone now in your room. Yeah. Okay. No, I was alone. So I'd hear them having a writer's meeting in the room next to me. And were they laughing and having fun? Yeah. Talking.

Oh, this is what we're going to do. I was like, what the fuck is going on? So anyway, so my manager calls me up and says, they're firing you. And I was like,

what? I know. I heard through the wall yeah right yeah try to look surprised savior spontaneous crying for the moment when she um tells you face to face so i a i thought that was strange like why isn't she just telling me directly why did she go through my manager and then so i'm sitting around all day trying to find her so I can be properly fired. She, she was clearly avoiding me. Like I'd go to her office and the door would be closed or I'd, and so I finally went into HR and I said, Hey, where is so-and-so I need her to fire me. And she was like, well, she's in a meeting i go okay so i opened the door to the meeting and i was like um i heard you need to talk to me so she came in the

office and she said yeah i'm sorry it's just you know it's just not working and again the show was falling apart so clearly the powers that be had told her you need to fire someone so she just decided to fire me i mean she had three choices and the other two guys were basically writing partners because they were in a room together right so just like well why not fire me so i said yeah i kind of thought something was up when you were having meetings without me and she said, you know about that. It's so weird, but like the computer's so high because I'm short.

And she's like, so sometimes I didn't even know if you were in the office. Like she'd walk by and not be able to tell if I was there. Right. And there's no other way to communicate. There's no other way. She couldn't have peeked around. She couldn't have said my name.

I mean, I was always there because I constantly heard these meetings. So it wasn't like I was off doing something. So anyway, so yeah, that's one of my showbiz fired stories. Wow. It's, Dave, have you ever been fired? No, I've been laid off. I've had like projects end and not get renewed. And everyone kind of thought they would.

But no, not like yeah i've never had to carry out a banker's box oh that's the worst i had i mean i i literally don't put up intentionally i mean don't put up like personal items when I go into an office because I don't know how long I'm going to fucking be there not because I'm constantly getting fired but because shows tend to just get you know something happens and I don't want to have to pack up a bunch of stuff you should print off all your photos

on the company's printer and then stick those up like a mural yeah then you can just take them down and throw them in the recycling bin there you go I worked with a guy and i don't know what he was printing but it was just page after page of black and the guy the office manager got so mad that he had just used up all this toner it was literally just black i don't know what yeah it was but like you know when you print it even if you print a full page it doesn't go all the way to the edge so it was literally just black i don't know what yeah it was but like you know when you print it even if you print a full page it doesn't go all the way to the edge so it was black with like

you know so that was an aggressive move that's like shitting on your boss's desk i feel like he was just stupid aggressively stupid uh have you been fired graham i've been let go as well but i've been let go and i'm the only one that got let go from toys r us uh when i was it was like one of my first jobs here in vancouver and i worked on the night shift and they told the group of us some of you will be going home and not joining us but there some of you will be staying uh with the day team. Like a reality show. Here's your toy rose. Here's a rose

made of Legos. Pack up your knives and go. Why did you bring all those knives to Toys R Us? That's one of the reasons you're real good. Alphita said. Yeah, and then the boss called me into his office and was like you're not coming but you knew you're the only one yeah because i will i had to walk past everybody on my way out

because they they did they said you can finish your shift if you want i was like oh god no oh thanks yeah yeah fun let me let me finish finish the shift so it was it was that during a night shift it was during a day shift because we all had to switch to day shift during christmas because they didn't have enough right that would have been great if they were like you can finish your shift if you want or you can go home at three in the morning good luck catching a train yeah and then another time uh and look what happened to them so yeah exactly who's the victor well they still exist in canada toys r us is still a thing yeah sorry isn't that crazy they're actually thriving really what do you think the difference is

uh i think it was uh i like i don't understand money but it was a yeah like uh do you guys not have target we do not target here and it had it for a while but it completely so that's the difference because the reason toys r us doesn't work is in america is because target because we have better you know other other alternatives that are cheaper. Right. They've just announced that they're going to reopen the land border here between Canada and America. I was just talking about that. Okay.

And they, and I guess America and Mexico. Yeah. And they, like all the news stories around Vancouver are like, what are you going to do when you go back to America again? And everyone's like, Target, Toys R Us. No, not Toys R Us, Trader Joe's. Oh, is that, oh, so people like come and get our goods and then go back? We go get cheap gas and, you know. Put some money into your economy and then we skitter back to Canada. Get an icy from the the snack bar at

target that's great i love it but right now the the border crossing thing is you don't have to have uh anything to go there but you need a negative test to come back right i don't know how you're gonna like if people are going down there for like a long time or something i guess that it's fine but if you're just going to like trader joe's that's a lot of money yeah oh do people literally just like come for the day and shop is that what you're saying yeah oh really okay well you can do it you could oh you can't yeah you could do a rapid test at home but that won't be good proof that yeah you need to take a test on both sides of the border so they're not doing the the two-week nonsense anymore i don't know but

oh yeah like oh that would be hilarious if somebody went to go you went to trader joe's and then you have to come and just it's you and your frozen lasagna yeah two weeks and yeah but yeah like after two weeks you're like i ate all the Trader Joe's stuff. I got to go back. No more peanut butter pretzel. Yeah, there was a guy, there was a store here in Vancouver called Pirate Joe's. And it was a guy who would just do day trips to Trader Joe's and bring back the stuff and sell it to people here. Oh my God, that's so Vancouver. Trader Joe's was like, they had it out for him. They were suing him and he had to like go in disguises and.

Like dressed as a pirate. He just switched the patch from one side to the other. That's right. So I think he's like, he's lucky he went out of business before the border closed. So he had a storefront. Yeah. And he bought enough to fill shelves and he it must have been such a markup i mean it has to make it worthwhile that's that's crazy and people were

like on the lookout for him like he had to make like he would go to three or four different trader joes in washington state in one trip just so he didn't arouse suspicions that this guy's buying a thousand dollars worth of mango bites this seems like a doesn't it seem like a low budget independent film that would be really like with steve buscemi for some yes doesn't it yeah no it's really good i like the idea it was uh it was a weird store i don't i can't imagine it did very well but it was in like a really expensive neighborhood too did you ever go no but i know i know so he had just the sign it was called pirate joe's they didn't have a permanent sign but he had these like letters in the window okay when he was being sued he knocked down the P and it became irate Joe.

Yes. Yes. Oh my God. That's so good. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. We have any,

well, we have stores in Canada that you don't have down in the States, but you have bigger stores than that. We have, so, you know, like you have fries with gravy and shit like yeah fries with gravy that's a whole store unto itself the canadian football league store okay

um you have you been up to vancouver i have yeah what was your stay like here um i went when i was a kid oh okay long time ago yeah and uh it was beautiful actually i remember it being beautiful and my uh brother lived there for a while so i actually went um once when i was in high school i visited him so yeah it was great and it was very um like i don't know they were like parties and lofts you know oh yeah we still have those oh okay okay i didn't know that was just like a 90s thing but yeah no it's we're very much still in the 90s everyone's partying and lost wearing doc martin boots okay yeah that's you do see a lot of people in the doc martin boots these days because really Like, have you noticed when you go, like, teens look like teens that would have been

in 1997? Like, they're wearing. Graham, we've talked about this. You need to stop looking at teens. Listen, it's my right. If teens are in full view in public, I don't need to ask for permission. Yeah. It's your business.

Yeah. Just keep your thoughts inside. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Thanks, guys. You're welcome. So we were talking, you were saying that your fears are more about aging and existential. Have your fears always been that or did you have fun kid fears?

You know, the one fear I i have the one like tangible fear i have is uh rodents i'm terrified i'm terrified of rodents in like a in a not normal way and i also like what do you mean by that because i think it's very normal to be afraid of rodents well let me just add this if i see more than two cats those qualify as rodents those creep me out i'm just it's funny because like i always thought i was an animal lover because i love i thought i loved animals i don't eat meat and uh turns out i like dogs that's that's about it yeah most animals kind of creep me out not bugs but anyway so we had so bugs don't creep you out no so if if you had an infestation of some sort of bug you could handle that better than if there's an infestation if i saw like 50

cockroaches that would probably be a problem but if I saw five cockroaches or one mouse, I would take the cockroaches. A hundred percent. I see. Okay. So like, yeah, cause they,

they know how to stay out of the way, but a mouse is darting all over the place. Right. They just, I don't, I can't explain it. Like, I mean,

they're really cute in cartoon form, but you know, get in live action and they just freak me out. Yeah. I can't take it. Um um i've lived in places that had rodents and it's gross man and did you burn down the house yeah because i don't see any other solution i was in the basement suite of a place and i burned it down but luckily the landlord's floor stayed perfect no but like did you see them on a regular basis uh no i didn't see them but you

could hear them oh no no i remember i had we had to get uh an exterminator it was when my second child was born there was a snowstorm and snow stayed on the ground for six weeks which never happens here and they uh so rats were like coming inside, like trying to get inside out of the snow. Oh my God. And we called the exterminator and they were like, well, we found where they were getting in. Uh-huh.

And now they're just, you know, we've sealed that up. They, no more can get in, but the ones that are in. Are in. Are in. Yeah. We believe they're traveling here. For the summer they make like this is their path that they follow and here's where they come out of the wall so we're gonna put a rat trap here

okay and we're gonna leave you more rat traps and every single day for about a week I caught a rat and had to throw it into like the, we have these like yard compost boxes. Oh my God, does that count? Are rats compostable? I think so. I think they degrade. Yeah, I could imagine eating a vegetable that was grown in rat dirt. Yeah, that's bad news bears. A fuzzy carrot.

There's nothing. I mean, if I had a brand new baby and there were rats in my house and you can't leave, that's a nightmare. That's a scary movie. Yeah, and the garbage trucks weren't even running. So I just had a pile of dead rats. A pile of dead rats in a in the can oh god oh my god oh my god oh my god i couldn't do it i i just i couldn't i'd have to mix i'd have to make my husband do it i just burn it down just burn it down and here in canada

there's a the province over from us is the largest rat free landmass in the world. And they take it super seriously. If you ever see a rat, you can call a certain number and they will come and get rid of that entire population of rats. It's known for being a rat free landmass. Yeah. Like, how do they know? How do they know they're not anywhere? Yeah, I don't know like

i just it's one of the things they've always like proudly proclaimed because that's where i grew up and that was like a source of pride there was no rats come to our province no rats no rats exactly see i know where i know where i'm retiring to yes yeah yeah yeah what is the province called alberta oh okay you made it sound like some obscure thing i wouldn't know i i know you know alberta uh i just never know that people oh i so i just googled it and it's it's there's like on the government page there's a whole alberta.ca uh history of rat control in al. And it's got maps of where rats go. They mostly go through Saskatchewan, it looks like.

I was going to say, so they funnel them to another city. Yeah. And Saskatchewan is largely prairie, wheat growing, and that kind of stuff. So I think rats love that, right? Yeah, let them live there. Yeah, we do. We chase them out of our problems. That's hysterical it's the pied

piper yeah and then like because vancouver is very much uh on the wharf we got whole we get wrapped like like crazy at night sorry we keep talking about a thing that you're okay i brought it up look it's my fault i you know i take full. What are you afraid of, Graham? I'm, uh, I don't like heights and I don't like depths. Both, either end of the scale. I, like, I don't want, I don't want to be down low in the water or such. That, what, that feeling of like when you're in a swimming pool and you're like, oh, I need to breathe now. Whoa, the water's so high above me. I know.

But wait, what if you were down low and it wasn't water like if you went into a cave or something and walked down that wouldn't bother you absolutely not i would never i would never go in a cave oh okay oh it does bother you yeah it does yeah oh okay i don't like being like it's less about being confined and it's more like having a structure or something giant over top of me and they're not being enough like buildings don't worry me but like just the fact that a cave could cave in on you at any i mean it's named for it exactly yes i mean what they do best that's their claim to fame they cave in so you wouldn't like any kind of journey to the center of the earth no and i watched a documentary about a guy was a journey to the center of the earth yes

i didn't realize that was a documentary there was a guy uh like kind of an old prospector guy who lived in a cave and that his whole life and it was so terrifying because he kept going into like little tunnels and finding like gold and stuff like that but he was like the tunnels were only as big as him you know I mean so you had to like scrape along in these tunnels and made me sick he lived in the cave he lived in the cave yeah there was like a big

open area he was a cave man it was a yes so was he confused like what is this blinking thing you have in front of my face like did he know what a camera was? I mean, that's a very good question. What have you been in a cave? That's like, isn't that the, you know, how would he know?

Was he living under a rock? He was living under a rock in a cave. Yeah, it was like, I don't know. And he would like, if hikers came near the opening of the cave, he would chase them out with a gun. Okay, so he knew guns. He knew guns. He was Yosemite Sam. Yeah, he was very much Yosemite Sam.

Oh, my God. That's hysterical. Dave, what are you afraid of? What's your go-to fear? I mean, I definitely don't like rats. I'll take one of that. I don't like being underwater for too long, for sure. Yeah.

When I was a kid, I remember I was afraid one of that. I'll take, I don't like being underwater for too long for sure. Yeah. When I was a kid, I remember I was afraid of being watched. Like I was worried that there were like hidden cameras places. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. And so like mostly it resulted in me not walking around naked in my own house,

which was fine. Everyone was in favor of that. You thought, no, no argument here yeah you thought was it because like you were into science fiction and had read you know 1984 or something like why i had seen sliver oh yeah that's it i went 1984 you went sliver you know what same same yeah exactly it was maybe around the time of Sliver, but I didn't believe it was happening.

It was like... Right. But it was just like something that kind of occupied me. Like, what if? What if there's a camera there? Let's be cool for a second. That's so interesting. Yeah.

Do you see the documentary about the guy that owned a motel and every room was like bugged? And that was... He kept thousands and thousands of tapes of people hanging out and you know spending the night in his motel and he had every room in it like had cameras everywhere and audio devices all over and he was i can't remember how they somebody like came in to do a repair on one of the rooms and discovered oh a camera and then it kind of unraveled do you know what it's called i don't remember what it's called but i can i can definitely find it and send you okay thanks i'm i like uh weird stuff like that and when you when you checked into the motel you

had to sign a release that like we could use your image right well there was a restaurant here that had like hidden cameras in the bathrooms. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, there was some famous story about like, oh, no, wait, that was Law & Order episode. I'm not kidding. I really thought it was a real thing. And then I remember because there was a camera in the toilet. And now I'm remembering that was a Law & Order episode. It was probably.

But it was ripped from the headlines. Yes. Who knows? It probably was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. it was probably, but it was ripped from the headlines. So who knows? It probably was true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that being like,

especially if you're going somewhere like a hotel, it seems like a rational type of fear to have, but well now, now, yeah, I mean, sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially if you are up to no good, you know what I mean? Like anytime that I've had to like pee behind a dumpster, I like oh man if somebody hears this i'm in so much trouble somebody hears this i hope they don't have a hidden microphone just getting room tone is that a guy thing like has every man every man has peed outside at some point right yeah in a public place. Not just like in your backyard, but like in a public.

Well, I mean, never. Why would I pee in my backyard? I have a toilet. I think kids do that sometimes. Oh, kids do. Yeah. Yeah. Kids do.

My son has never done that, but I know that I've been somewhere where some parent was just like, oh, just pee in the backyard. Like, so you don't have to come in. I don't know why. Yeah. I've seen it in a park. Boys just do that. Where like like a tiny little kid like a one or two year old like peeing and the guy gave me the most comical shrug when i made a cut like what are you gonna do well why wouldn't he just go in his diaper if he's one or two i think they were trying to save

a diaper maybe maybe they just ride a cowboy okay like if Like if he's just going to pee anyways. How bad is baby pee? I like the shrug. We had a few of those where it was like, okay, we're done with diapers. Oh, but like you need to train yourself as a parent to be like, remind the kid to go to the bathroom before we leave. Right. Oh, I remember a screaming fit in a Ross dress for less with my son did not want to go to the bathroom.

And we were like, we see that look in your eyes. You are going to the bathroom. Do you have Ross dress for less there? We've got something similar. You know what it is? Yeah. I got it. Like a TJ Maxx. It's like a TJ Maxx, exactly. It's basically where you go if you want to see screaming children.

Yeah. Dirty floors. Graham's been you go if you want to see screaming children. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Dirty floors. Graham's been told not to look at teenagers or screaming children. It's, I have to register at the front door. I'm here and I've seen teens and. I, yeah, no, I definitely, when I was a kid, I definitely know where I used to pee in the yard. So you did do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was like a little wagon under the deck. A wagon? You would pee on the wagon? Wait, you peed in the wagon? Yeah, I peed in the wagon. Wait, are you kidding? No. Wait, there's grass all around you and you decide, let me pee on this wagon.

It was a secret pee place. What? I don't know why. There's no reason why. Did you fill the wagon? I mean, over a few visits, probably. I don't recall specifically. Well, I think I'm understanding

why you suddenly had this paranoia about being filmed because you were doing crazy shit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you're just going about your life peeing inside, you don't think about that kind of stuff. No, yeah.

And my parents did have about a bunch of outdoor cameras to catch that someone's been peeing in our wagon. In our wagon. That wagon must have been so rusty. perfect i think it was plastic oh oh okay um i don't know if that makes a better word i wonder with dash cams and with uh those like doorbell cams and all the like drones just flying around and probably getting peeing caught peeing outside is more and more likely.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. But in general, I would say women probably don't pee outside as much. No, I think I did it once. Just to see. No, because I had to pee.

Yes. Excellent. I think I did it. I went to it was the only time i went to um a grateful dead concert with my friend and it was so not my thing at all i just went because i was visiting her and it was like sure i'll try something that i know is completely against my personality um i will circle back to this because i'm very interested in what would not fit for your personality. I think we just both went to the...

I think we both went to pee off to the side on the way back to the car or something like that. Yeah. So nothing. It was just... That was the occasion. It wasn't like... Yeah, it wasn't. I don't make a habit out of it, no.

What do you not like about The Grateful Dead? Keep in mind,ave and i are huge deadheads we're not i am not a fan of jam bands okay i am not i actually you know the songs i know i actually like but i don't know that many of their songs and i'm i don't like the like constant i just want to hear you sing a song i know i don't want riffing right i'm also you know i'm not like into hippie life so you know just a lot of dirty people hanging around you know staring at their fingernails it's just not like my scene it was fine dirty people staring at their fingernails probably thinking i should clean. We're thinking they're saying something they're not.

I don't know. Yeah. The problem always with those concerts is the lineup for the porta-potties. That's not survivable. Maybe that was part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

On my daily dog walks, I walk past a couple of construction sites that have porta-potties. And I was thinking the other day, I was don't i only smell the chemical toilet smell i don't smell any human waste but i hate the chemical toilet smell and i'm disgusted by it even though it is the thing that's yeah essentially keeping me from smelling really good alternative yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly like we've come a long way chemicals well i've had to use some because we during the thick of the pandemic we were going to um drive-ins for movies oh cool which was great it was fantastic uh lots of places in los angeles had drive-ins but yeah you got to go to the bathroom in a porta potty so yes may i suggest a wagon hey that's a good idea a little plastic wagon um graham you were talking about dash cams

i i all i love watching videos of dash cams like accidents and like bad drivers and stuff not accidents where people die yeah not um i mean i presume everyone i i watch libs uh but and every time i do i like oh i gotta get one of those that like oh think of how much money i'll save in insurance yeah well and sometimes on the radio they'll like they'll say if anybody has dash cam footage from this intersection or whatever oh i thought just because i'm naive i just thought police had dash cams oh no everybody's got dash cams these days they do everybody yeah you can get them at pirate joe's yeah you should go there first see what they're saying i don't personally know anyone

i just remember there used to be all this footage of mostly in russia it was like fucked up stuff happening in russia yes because people will do like insurance scams and like try to you know claim that you ran them over but that's so everyone needs a dash cam to prove the what really happened and i think that started happening more in north america and i every time i watch one of those i'm like oh that could happen to me someone could just come out in front of me and it's my word against theirs yeah there's a lot of existing footage of people trying to pull shit like that pull shit like that or just not just scams but just like you know bad driving where right it's like, oh, well, I.

I have evidence that you were the bad driver. I have evidence that I'm good and you're bad. But also, I feel like, you know, you can hear the audio of what the person's listening to. And I would be a little bit embarrassed. You're listening to a jam band? Yeah, I'm listening to bootlegs. Fish. Band-Band? Yeah, most of those things are bootlegs. Fish.

I know a guy here in Vancouver who his job is finding, catching people in the act of insurance fraud. Oh, okay. And the biggest thing that he uses, the biggest tool is Facebook. These idiots will put a picture of them jumping off of a

pier into the water or something when they're supposed to have a broken leg. He says it's remarkably easy to catch. What a great job. Yeah. It sounds fun, right?

Yeah. You used to have to like wait till you were in the courtroom and throw a tennis ball at someone and see if they got it. But now, you just

go on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. It's so easy. And like years ago, I had a friend who was a private detective and he said that's all he ever did was that and cheating those were the two right but mostly insurance fraud and that once a while cheating was because in movies that happens all the time but like i don't know i wouldn't even know where to go to hire a private detective i wouldn't even know where to go to cheat i think all of these

answers can be found online yes all right yeah but you know why don't i just do my own research why don't i get a third party into this oh good point yeah cheating wise you know my partner's never at home so i don't have that to do so i got a lot of free time I feel like, did you ever want to be something like a private detective or something in that world when you were a kid? When I was flying to college, I went to college in New York. I was reading Science of the Lambs. Okay. Yeah. college in new york i was reading science of the lambs okay yeah and some little part of my brain thought maybe i should just go into the fbi what am i wasting my time here for what am i trying this is an uphill battle this this entertainment nonsense yes yeah yeah yeah just go to but

honestly i didn't really think about it seriously, but it was the only time where I thought that would be an interesting life. That would, yeah, that would be really rewarding and interesting.

Yeah. But I didn't pursue it past the plane ride. Yeah, exactly. It's really fun to think about, but then actually, it's like being a fireman. Like,

I don't want to be able to carry somebody down a flight of stairs or learn how to do that god yeah i think i when i was in uh broadcasting school i think there was a guy in my class who had been in criminology before okay and he had been seduced by csi and how cool it made it all look really just like oh yeah you zoom in on a hair and then you, you know who,

oh, he's the murderer. Yeah. But apparently it's not much fun. And then you whip off your glasses. Yeah. Sunglasses. Yeah.

But like really, it's just looking on a carpet for a single hair kind of thing. So you're just in there all day. Yeah. Especially disgusting. That's only one of the grosser jobs out there. Yeah. Did you guys watch the show mind hunter yeah oh no i missed that that was a dave fincher joint right yeah i think it was

yeah you saw it i saw season one yeah oh you didn't go past it you weren't into it no did you do you love it i really liked it i really really liked it yeah it was about the beginning of the um serial killer unit basically yeah profiling yeah like how they went about finding them i thought it was really good that's like such a unique thing the profiling being able to like you know when they give the reports in movies is like he's probably about this tall and he works in a job they're frustrated oh yeah yeah yeah you know yeah right right right it's probably been rejected he probably lives with his mother yes i'm thinking the basement he hurts animals he's white yes mid-20s to mid-30s that's always like where the starting point is we all know that he was white we all know it was caucasian and this mother yeah we know that what's what else he really liked uh joaquin phoenix's joker i'm assuming big fan

he's just everything about him is criminal he likes going to crime movies he's got a picture of scarface on the floor oh man yeah that picture of scarface that really that's on college walls all over him with the gun yeah pew pew it's so weird because a it's not a great movie and b it's just funny that it's like it's transcended into like people who think they're thugs who think they're like gangsters which is nothing quite like somebody who thinks they're a thug that isn't a thug well that's funny too but also yeah and then they're identifying with like you know he's not a good guy right like there's it's not a positive story yeah that's right he's not an anti-hero he's just a horrible human being yeah that's true

and he doesn't like get away with it at the end right he doesn't outsmart anyone right don't they blast him to bits yeah yeah and uh that's singing that ridiculous scene yeah there's uh also he was like like hot for a sister that was another kind of thing yeah well isn't uh what's her name mary elizabeth master antonio is that her sister and then yeah yeah and he's hot wait he has michelle pfeiffer and he's hot for i mean no offense but he's hot for mary elizabeth muster his sister yeah yeah his sister and like you said he had uh you know, Michelle Pfeiffer on his arm. Yeah.

Just not enough for this guy. But she looked so bored the whole time. She does. That was great. I loved her in that. But it's based on a real person, right? No, it's not. Oh, it's not?

It's a remake of a movie from the 50s called Scarface. It was about Al Capone. And then when it came to do the remake, I can't remember the name of the director, but he. Brian De Palma. Brian De Palma. They said, well, why don't we do it? He's a guy from Cuba. And it's like more of.

But they must have been inspired by some real guy. Oh, sure. Like, you know, but it wasn't based on a specific person. Okay. So I always thought it was just a coincidence that there were two movies named Scarface. So you're saying that they were going to do a remake and then changed it into a totally different thing.

Yeah. Basically kept the, okay. The name. And then also gave the character a scar and that's basically legitimizing the name. Yes. Absolutely.

Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. It of the movie absolutely oh that's so funny yeah it's a movie for for one reason or another that I've seen probably like 20 times oh okay well maybe it's better than I remember I've only seen it once no it's one of those things it's like it's indulgent

and it's on TV and you're like this is this is silly and crazy it's not like if you remember that she's bored, then that's kind of all you need to know. I remember the first scene because I was horrified in the shower when they kill someone who's in the shower, right? With a chainsaw, right? Yeah. I mean, I saw it as an adult. It's not like I was scar-faced by it.

You've been scar- adult. It's not like I was scar-faced by it. You've been scar-faced. Terrible. I think I figured out why you got fired from that radio show. No more puns, dipshit. Escape killed my ass. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that was a poster that you see a lot that and reservoir dogs those were the two posters you could count on was there any was there any

like specifically ones that women would have up on their walls because that was definitely a dude thing to have reservoir dogs and i don't i don't know i i got my friend. This is not a present you get someone. I got my friend a framed poster. That's probably a little presumptuous. Yeah, put this on your wall. Yeah, I got her a framed poster of Pulp Fiction because she really liked Pulp Fiction. Okay, yeah. That one has.

No, yeah. When I was in college, it was all really girly stuff. All the girls had Ann Getty's babies dressed in flowers. Seriously? No. Oh. Well, someone likes that that shit i guess not college people that's funny yeah but you're right there is there is not only just someone out there there's like a lot of people out there love here's a baby coming out of a cabbage yes that's the one i always think of is a kid with a cabbage hat. Yeah. Like it's got a leaf of a cabbage on it.

It's really upsetting. Didn't she do a Celine Dion album cover? Did she? Oh, yeah. Was there not a Celine Dion and Geddes collab? Was it a baby coming out of Celine Dion? I think it might have been baby. Could be, yeah, baby.

But yeah, from the first time I saw one of those, they've always creeped me out i don't know i don't understand it's celine dion and her own is it her own baby oh god oh no why why i googled it and there was it's i think an album called miracle okay and it's her holding a baby who maybe has a cabbage on its head. But then there's this other picture of Celine Dion is holding this eggplant. But the eggplant is actually a baby. And it's a baby wrapped in like pantyhose.

What? Okay. I may have to Google this now. Yeah, I'm just going to see if I can just find this. Hold on. Let's see. What is it? Celine Dion. Celine Dion.

Eggplant Miracle. Miracle. Here we go. I'm getting ready to see. Oh, yeah. So she's there. Yeah, it is a baby with a cabbage thing on its head okay but then there's this one of

the baby in some weird sack oh my god is this supposed to be an embryonic sack what the hell it looks like yeah it's a pantyhose a pantyhose eggplant oh my there's a bunch yeah there's a bunch yeah cause there's black well if you get ann gettys for the day you do a bunch of different options yeah there's a bunch. Yeah, there's a bunch, yeah. If you get Anne Geddes for the day, you

do a bunch of different options. Yeah, you bring a bunch of fruits and stuff. There's one where the baby's under her dress. Yeah. The call's coming from inside the dress. She's mothering her baby with her dress. Does Anne Geddes have like stunt babies she uses

for these things? Even just to get the lighting right? I wonder if it's all the same baby, and she just keeps photoshopping them into this. Well, I mean, they're all different races and stuff. No way a baby stays still, like, under a dress. Well, they're all sleeping in the ones I'm looking at. Yeah, me too.

But the baby wakes up when you put them in a... If you wrap them up in pantyhose. It just doesn't seem healthy for the baby. I'm just saying. Yeah. Oh, my God. Celine Dion was seduced by this photography. Yeah.

It seems like, now that you said it's Celine Dion that was into it, it seems very much like something Celine Dion would get into. Does she have... Well, I guess you wouldn't know, to it that seems very much like something celine dion would yeah would get into would be does she have well i guess you wouldn't know but does she have more of a presence in canada than she does i mean obviously she was huge here yeah she's she's huge here as well she was huge here first yes and then now she's just huge everywhere okay yeah but like yeah she was like you know since she was a kid she was famous in canada right didn't she marry her husband like she met him when she was like you know since she was a kid she was famous in canada right didn't she marry her husband like she met him when she was eight or something yeah yeah he had the scar on his face

she was very bored she looked very bored the whole time uh no renee angelil yeah uh her uh manager yeah they got married and their wedding was a huge oh yeah like was a huge news and it was huge. It was this ginormous Montreal wedding, I think. He looked kind of like Humpty Dumpty. He was a big kind of little man. He looked kind of

like Santa Claus. Yeah, that's true. He had a little bit of Santa Claus going on. Anyway, rest in peace. Yes, that's right. We stan a little bit of Santa Claus going on, but... Anyway, rest in peace. Yes, that's right. Yes. We stan Renee Angelil on this podcast. Oh, poor Celine. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sure she'll make it. She'll come back around, right? Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, we teased it up top. Oh, yeah. You have a thing. That's not a thing.

Guys, here's how little is going on with you man well we teased it up top oh yeah you have a thing that's not a thing guys here's how little is going on with me here we go this past weekend was canadian thanksgiving that's right any questions i do i have so many questions should i not ask no no please okay so is it the same idea that people landed in the new world but it was canada and then they screwed over the natives and pretended that everyone got along is it the same sort of story we don't have that iconography of like a big table okay with like the cornucopia yeah i was like uh you know they're the first um uh the first meal together getting off the mayflower uh but uh yeah it's basically that it's harvest it's harvest time okay yeah and and it's also just i think we unless i miss my guess we probably did it because america already had it yeah we'll do that and we're gonna do it earlier beat him to it yeah so you guys are the ones, I just realized what happens.

You guys are the ones who come to our Trader Joe's and take all of our pumpkin, canned pumpkin and stuff. And so when we go two days before Thanksgiving, it's all out. Yes, that's right. We sell that across the border for a big markup. Do you eat the same kind of food? Do you have turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing

and pumpkin pie? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But it's not like a day that you would travel across the country for like you would get together with immediate family and yeah although we did once travel on thanksgiving graham and i we were doing a series of shows and we were we almost missed our flight because the lineup at the airport was so big yeah we didn't

understand it because this it's not a thing in canada oh okay it's i think the day before is the biggest travel day in america yeah it's also a weird thing where it it's always on a monday but people do the dinner usually on the sunday what so it's just we get a long weekend oh okay but it's like thanksgiving in america it's all just like the second sunday of the month or whatever well it's always on a thursday but it's like thanksgiving in america it's all just like the second sunday of the month or whatever well it's always on a thursday and it's i think it's the third thursday and okay my game show writing is going to come in handy if i can remember there were i've written on a bunch of game shows but there was a thing that's amazing first of all you've written on a bunch of game shows that's fantastic it's none of the ones you've heard of. It's none of the shiny floor ones.

No, just the filthy floor game shows. Yeah, exactly. Usually with a Joey Fatone hosting. I literally have written on more than one show that Joey Fatone was the host. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

And he had to have his... We were told we can't use big words. had to have is we were told we can't use big word like sometimes we'd write a question and they'd be like joey's not gonna pronounce that right yeah we mean there was an area how to pronounce you know like on the on the screen that you put in like the pronunciation but even so sometimes we're like no you can't use that word um i'm sure he's lovely. But there was, oh, okay. I think this is what it was. Thanksgiving was at a different time before it was always the third, I think it's the third Thursday of November. But before that, it was at a different time.

And the head of, it was either the head of macy's or gimbals made a deal with i want to say president roosevelt um to put it earlier so that the shopping time between thanksgiving and christmas was longer so yeah so it's changed a couple of times but yeah it was on a thursday so you always get the the uh thursday but do you travel for thanksgiving and then also travel for christmas or is christmas just like hey we'll just hang out together well i mean i guess it depends on if you know i live in the same city as my parents so it's hard to i don't really know but i think i think it's a really big deal i think or maybe like if you're

married you go to thanksgiving at one person's house at christmas they're they're both they're both really big deals yeah yeah it seems it seems the idea of traveling for canadian thanksgiving seems crazy yeah really yeah but like also the idea of traveling across the country twice in a month. Well, that I understand. Yeah. So like, it's just, so it's not like a huge feast or it is? Yeah. How many people you have? Okay. Yeah. Like a nice kind of big dinner, but not, you know, not people staying over.

Yeah. My family, we all get together. We didn't last year because of COVID. Right. And we all live in the same city, but yeah. So we all got together. We didn't last year because of COVID. Right. And we all live in the same city. But, yeah, so we all got together this year. But one is, anyway, that's not my big story. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Oh, right. Sorry. You just said Canadian Thanksgiving. We really ran with it. I know. So many questions. I believe we have an earlier harvest is why we do it in our home. Oh.

Because of the cold. Rackert. Okay. So I was, one day I was lying on the, I guess I'd come home from doing something with the kids. I went up to my bedroom and I was lying on the bed watching TV. And then I was like, I'm going to take off my glasses. Lie down. Sure sure i started feeling very tired yeah i fell asleep and i do not nap i have not had a nap in years oh yeah nap is it man

that's yeah this is like built into my day this is this is the thing that happened to me that's not anything okay so i literally have a nap every day. So this is just like not. How do you do it? Mid-range depression. Okay. That's good. That was supposed to be funny, but no.

It's funny. But no, I mean, I do. I don't know, but I am always tired. I'm always tired. So I can just nap very easily. I don't do it every day but i could do you set like a little alarm so that you're not 100 what's your alarm at well i it depends i mean often it's like like what's her ringtone yeah what's no what's the time that you set because

they're supposed to they say youkable, why do you ask? Well, sometimes it's like 40 minutes, but I sometimes snooze it quite a bit. It's 40 and longer? Yeah, I'm just a tired person. Do you fall asleep immediately? Pretty much. Or is that 40 minutes being like, okay, I'm going to take 10 minutes. No, I mean, I'm going down for a nap because I'm tired. Yeah, yeah.

And I read a lot, and sometimes it's really hard. I just can't keep my eyes open. Yeah, that's, I mean. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think a nap is it. Like, you can't. I don't think I can think of a day where I haven't.

So I got to tell you, here's my review of it. I loved it. It was so exotic. How long did you sleep for? 15 minutes. What? And I only know that because I was, oh, I wasn't watching TV. I was listening to a podcast and I fell asleep listening to it.

And I rewound it 15 minutes and discovered that's when I remember. I hope it wasn't how to survive that you fell asleep. No, no, no, no, please. And how old are your kids? They are four and seven. So was your wife home? Yes. No, I'm not saying that would be a response.

I'm just saying like maybe you didn't let yourself sleep more than 15 minutes because right right no you're subconscious you're like i can't really right i've i've i have had naps years ago i've had naps in the past where you nap too long and your rest of your evening is ruined because you never fully wake back up yeah and that's how i felt after 15 minutes i I was like, I can't function anymore. But it was only 15 minutes. But I will do a nap, and then I will also have a very late-in-the-day coffee. Ooh.

Ooh. But it doesn't have that effect on me. What's very late in the day? Like 5. 5 or 5.30, I'll have a cup just to get through the next few hours. Yeah. But yeah, I can drink a cup of coffee and then nap right away. Yeah, I actually can too, except for at night.

Then it would keep me awake. Right. Yeah. I wake up from a nap with a Diet Coke and a piece of chocolate. Ooh, that's nice. Yeah. Ooh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun. So it's like a ritual.

You've got a whole ritual around it. Yeah, that makes it sound more respectable than it is. It's surrounded in shame. I'm not proud. Has this always been something you've done frequently? Or is it like working from home during COVID? something you've done frequently or is it like no i don't think so working from home during covid yeah well i mean obviously when i'm working when i'm employed i don't nap but um you know yes i have had a lot of time alone at home that's true yeah so even i've had jobs i've had jobs since

covid but they've all been at home so in that case i probably wasn't taking naps even though i was home because i was working most of the day so yeah it's just when i'm when i'm not working when i'm unemployed it's just like i just gotta take a nap yeah no the less you do the less you can do i think exactly exactly law of inertia yeah anyway i had a nap uh Uh, I give it, uh, you know, uh, boy, three stars out of five. Well, that's not bad.

That's good. Right down the middle. Um, yeah, I mean, naps for me, five out of five. Absolutely.

Yeah. I mean, I do feel horrible when I wake up from them sometimes. Like, yeah. Like I've been run over by a truck. How do you feel when you wake up in the morning? Tired. Yeah. Same here. Just tired and resentful that i'm awake yeah uh yeah it's it's so hard to get out of bed because it's like it's your bed it's the top it's the top furniture in

your house i mean the one can we rank furniture yeah sure Where would you put bed? I don't know. What's eligible? Bed, sofa. Credenza. Credenza. Footstool. Footstool. Boy, which credenza? So many to choose from.

Desk, table. Comfy chair, recliner. Things we can be on. Winchester. Isn't that a thing? Chesterfield. Chesterfield. God damn it, I got it wrong. You were very close very close though you're right in the ballpark yeah yeah yeah um barstool yeah right i think let's just go with things we put ourselves on yeah like i don't i don't i don't count

tables and yeah and desks maybe a grand piano i can lie across with oh sexy the fabulous baker boy oh i love that movie i loved it so much that was michelle pfeiffer right yeah that was very not bored in that movie no right she was really good in that too it was two years ago tomorrow I was noticing on my phone's memories that I saw Michelle Pfeiffer live with Ryan and Kelly. What? In New York, we went to go see Kelly Ripa and Ryan Seacrest. Why? Because it's something to do. That's what you did in New York?

Went to a TV taping? and it was well yeah but then we were done by 9am oh my god I can't imagine anything more excruciating it's because you work on TV game shows all the time you can't imagine how exciting it would be to see

Alyssa Milano talk about her new book her new book or have michelle pfeiffer explain how she likes to make coffee seriously i can't even believe she was look i just talked about a nap what am i i guess yes you're right that is that's i just can't even believe michelle pfeiffer was on a talk show in recent years i never see her anymore she was she was playing uh like an evil queen in maleficent 2 maybe okay all right yeah i think i vaguely remember that all right that's hysterical i just that you do that as part of your vacation i guess maybe a live show it only takes an hour it only takes the length of time as i mean it was a while we were penned up

for a while waiting in line and then you get there early and you watch the people try out to be the the trivia dancers and then gelman comes by and tells you when to clap and then uh it's a whole thing then they shot extra stuff for a different episode so we stayed longer it's uh Lupita Nyong'o and Julie Andrews oh that's actually exciting that is fun yeah people people went

uh nuts for Julie Andrews yeah she's a legend she's a legend yeah who's got a career as big as Julie Andrews

nobody maybe Beyonce yeah yeah I remember seeing Julie Andrews in an arena. Yeah.

Right. A lot of costume changes. Yes. Um, so what's up with you, Graham? Um, well,

this past week I went to the center of Canada, Winnipeg, Manitoba. Oh yeah. Geographically center. Um, and went, uh, for, for work, uh, producing went for work producing CBC's The Debaters.

And usually it's freezing cold there. That's kind of the memory. Yeah, that's what I had in my head. Yeah, like it's kind of like that's where you go to be frozen. When is the, this was for the comedy festival there. Is it always in October? No, it was in October because of the comedy festival there is it always in october no it was in october because of uh covet stuff okay when is it usually uh like april i think and the thing is when you go in april somebody kind of pointed it out to me i was like oh yeah that is it that uh

instead of using salt on the road they use sand and so when all the snow melts just everything is dusty and it just looks like old westy Cause the street sweepers haven't come and collected at all. So he was like, yeah, people come to this festival and they think like either Winnipeg's frozen or it's this like dusty, gross place. So I went there this time.

Gorgeous, nicest weather in the entire country. It was so nice. And, uh, the festival was a lot of fun and one night uh i joined uh my old pal tim gray uh and i went with a group of people to a bowling alley and we were the only people in the bowling alley and it was the best thing having a bowling alley to yourself is i can't think of anything more fun that's fun that's

fun right i actually just it just occurred to me most projects i work on don't warrant rap parties but one show i did we had a rap party at a bowling alley and that was really fun nothing like bowling like drunk out of your mind yeah it's super fun you forget almost instantly when you walk out of bowling alley that that was the fun you forget almost instantly when you walk out of bowling alley that that was the most fun time and then you don't do it for five years right right right yeah you kind of look down on bowling the rest of the time yeah but we got to do all these different like silly ways of bowling that you never could if like people were lying on the ground and just pushing the ball people were throwing it really slow and then going down the lane and throwing it the rest of the distance.

Are there COVID protocols at bowling? Like, do they? Yeah, we all have to show our vaccine passport. Oh, sure. And but like I say, we're literally the only people there aside from the woman that was working the bar. So you have to wear masks? Just when we were around her basically oh okay yeah we didn't have to wear masks uh yeah that's weird they didn't make us wear masks now they think of it hmm maybe they were breaking the rules that this is a bully alley now i think about it well if you yeah it's if you're all

vaccinated i don't know don't don't don't come don't come at me. No. Yeah. I, I think it's like, uh, maybe bull. Yeah. Yeah. But we all had to prove that we were vaccinated to get in. So that's something I guess.

Yeah. No, that's, that's the main thing. Yeah. We have to, we're, we have to do that in California.

Um, starting real soon. Every, every, every, you still have, is Arnold Schwarzenegger still the governor there? No, no, but, but Matthew McConaughey, Starting real soon. Every, every. You still have, is Arnold Schwarzenegger still the governor there? No.

No, but, but Matthew McConaughey, when he, isn't he close to, is it California he's running for? Texas. Yeah.

But I don't think he's really going to. He's, I bet you. Is it, is it for governor? Is that what he thinks he's going to do? I think it's a governator. Governator.

Right. Yeah. I think it's governor. And I don't know what he, what he thinks people's view of he like who he is. You know what I mean? Like what do you picture when you think of Matthew McConaughey is kind of like dopey surfer stones and like,

yeah. Playing the Lincoln. Yeah. Like he's not like a guy that you necessarily want to be a positive. I think like Ronald Reagan was in enough movies where he was not like a guy that you necessarily want to be a politician i think like ronald reagan was in enough movies where he was just like a cop or a football player or something like that yeah but yeah no but matthew mcconaughey is probably way more liberal than the average texan i would assume oh yeah i mean i know there are pockets of texas that are you know or not pocket like entire cities that are liberal but maybe he's a conservative guy

oh he is i just said maybe you know i don't know oh oh oh yeah which yeah it doesn't seem like it but i don't know i wish him the best in his bid and uh it can't get worse there so good luck that's true yeah exactly that that was his uh campaign slogan yeah it can't be much worse there so good luck that's true yeah exactly that that was his campaign slogan yeah it can be much worse there yeah no rats yeah did you vote for me it'd be a lot cooler if you did yeah so uh went bowling how was your what would you score it was horrible it was amazing how bad i was every time that i went up i didn't learn anything about where I should bowl to make the ball. Well, you were doing all these weird trick shots. Yeah, we were doing all the weird trick shots. People were using you as a pool cue.

You get his legs. You were aiming for other lanes. Other lanes and sometimes just doing a gutter ball, hoping it would pop out at the end and knock down a pin. I hope this gutter takes pity on my ball. Doing the Fred Flintstone twinkle toes. Yes.

To the line. And it's like, like I say, it's so much fun. It's such a fun thing to do with a group. But it may be as fun to just go on a date with. Yeah. Bowling would be a fun date. Oh, sure. Getting to know somebody. Anybody out there that's thinking about going on a date? Bowling?

My son once had, when he was maybe like 11, had a birthday party at a bowling alley. But it was supposed to be a costume party. Because everything he does has to be layered it can't just be like one straightforward thing right and like only two people wore costumes yeah sad but yeah but they still have fun yeah the um the only other thing in winnipeg of note was the theater that that i was in and working is every couple of minutes I get like a smell of what I thought was subway I was like why am I smelling subway backstage at this theater and I was like maybe it's bleach or something that I'm smelling it's not actually it's the chemical in the port-a-potty

but on the last day I walked around the back of the building and it was literally attached to a subway so that's hysterical. You did a week of shows and didn't your subway app didn't go off. You're pretty close. Why not stop it? Get fresh with us. But yeah, so that was the,

what I was smelling all the time was actual subway. That's so funny. It's a distinct smell. It is right. Like you would be able to recognize it. I wonder if there's's is there room to make a cologne out of the subway smell is there room in the market of course yes or how about the thing you hang in your car yeah yeah that would be great having your car smell like subway i don't know there's subway uh kfc has a smell mcdon McDonald's has a smell. Yeah, absolutely. Mostly your car smells after you're at McDonald's.

Yeah, McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah. We have a subway and walking distance, so we're frequent visitors. Oh, so do I. Yeah. And it's hard not to go in every time. Yeah, they know us. What's your go-to? What's your go-to sub? Well, I don't eat, like I said, I don't eat meat, but I do eat fish. So I either have tuna or just uh veggie and cheese yeah my husband gets some sort of italian bmt or something i don't know oh yeah sure you know what's yours uh a vegetable like uh vegetable one with if they have the vegetarian

pizza sauce i'll get that on there so it's kind of like a fun pizza sub but vegetarian pizza sauce i'll get that on there so it's kind of like a fun pizza sub but vegetarian pizza sauce like marinara yeah like marinara because they have like they have stuff that they keep the meatballs in but they also have stuff that they pour in to mix that up oh so you get it melted like cheese and yeah yeah yeah and then i get the peppers and i see are you a vegetarian i'm a vegetarian as well. Okay. All right. Gotcha. Man, oh man, too. You never get more of a surprise look than when the person says they just want vegetables.

They look at you like you're from outer space. Or are you a vegan, too? You don't eat cheese? No, not a vegan. No. Oh, okay. But it's on the menu. Yeah. The veggies and cheese.

I know. They think they just think maybe they had to do it as lip service. you yeah the veggies i know they think they just think maybe they had to do it as lip service i think you're just trying to get a cheap sandwich and oh yeah well you know while you're out there throw a couple meatballs can i get salt pepper and a couple meatballs just as like a last minute add-ons and i remember reading a thing somebody's tweet was uh if you can go to subway and not point at the vegetables when you ask for them, like that's,

it takes an immense amount of concentration. Oh yeah. For me, it was always, um, like, can you, Dave,

you know what you want to order? Try not to say, um, um, I'll have, um, well, should we,

should we move on to, some overheards sure all right hi everybody hi everybody it is not time for uh whatever the thing is in our show where we listened over here people over here yes not over yet. It is time for a little sneaky Jumbotron. Yeah. And you know what? You deserve a sneaky Jumbotron for all the work you've done this week so far. And so here we are to deliver our first Jumbotron. This is a bit of biz.

This is a little bit of business. This is Jumbotron number one. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, boy. Here we go. The. Oh, boy. Here we go. The message is as follows. Get your literary LOLs on Saturday, October 23rd at the Vancouver Writers Fest on Granville Island when comedian Charles Demers.

I know him. Yeah, I do. I recall his name from around. He is in conversation with fellow comedian Alex Wood about Alex's book Float Like a Butterfly, Drink Mint Tea. His harrowing yet hilarious memoir

about quitting all his addictions at once. Tickets are $25 at writersfest.bc.ca You'll you know what I love about Tickets are $25 at writersfest.bc.ca. You'll, you know, you know what I love about going to the Writers Festival is seeing everyone's tote bags. Yeah, I like seeing a tote bag.

I also, you know what I'm addicted to? The Writers Fest. Now we also have a personal Jumbotron. Personal. Now we also have a personal Jumbotron. Personal. This is a message for mom. And if you're a mom out there, this message is for you.

This is a general mom message. I think when anyone sees a tattoo that says mom on anyone's arm, they're like, oh, thank you. Yeah, for me. Yeah, I have a mom too cool cool um this is from kr and the message is for your b-day i decided to give someone else 100 dollars our nice thinker thank you for all your help this year what with the house fires and all i have cherished all cherished all our bug and plant talk and i'm glad we're texting more i love you so much i can't wait to cook you a million thank you dinners you know you're the best right love love triple love sir so i guess sir is mom in this uh in this equation wait this was for kr this is a message from kr yeah so the sir kr is sir

oh wait a minute okay yeah no it's from kr to his mom yeah love okay love sir love love love triple i get it signed sir yeah right he's not he's not calling her sir i get it now it's not the end of like a love letter you say love love love you love recipient well that's great i'm glad we got 100 bucks out of it and that yeah apparently this was money that was uh received in some kind of, you know, fire insurance settlement. I don't know what happened with them, but I'm glad things are looking up. I'm glad we have mothers and children listening to the show. Yeah, this is an intergenerational show. Listen to it with your grandparents and with their grandparents.

Yeah, when there's a mother and a child listening it always reminds me of my favorite paul simon song me and julio down by the schoolio me and julio down by the schoolio i think that's probably what it ought to be yeah that's what it should have been if you want a jumbotron message on our show get in line or get online and go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. You want to move on to overheard? Yes, yes, please. Hey there, I'm Ellen Weatherford. And I'm Christian Weatherford.

And we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share. On Just the Zoo of Us, your new favorite animal review podcast, we're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't. Rating them out of 10 on their effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics. Guest experts give you their takes informed by actual real life experiences, studying and working with very cool animals like sharks, cheetahs, and sea turtles. It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears. So if you or your kids have ever wondered if a pigeon can count,

why sloths move so slow, or how a spider sees the world, find out with us every Wednesday on Just the Zoo of Us, which can now be found in its natural habitat on MaximumFun.org. Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where if you're out in the world and you see something or you hear something, these are things we are interested in seeing and hearing. So you can send them over to spy at maximumfun.org.

And we always like to start with the guest. Danielle, do you have an overheard or an overview scene that you care to share? You know, I do. And this happened just hours ago. So I went to the previously mentioned Trader Joe's. And I walked around the corner to my starbucks and i saw this guy talking on the phone and then i was like oh shoot i left my phone in the car and my phone has my starbucks app so i went back to the car put down the groceries grab my phone come back

into the starbucks now the guy i saw on the phone is in star Starbucks wearing in lieu of a mask, two paper napkins under his glasses, covering his face, just, just kind of wedged them under his glasses. And, uh, yeah,

yeah. Not, you know, nothing preventing any germs from going up underneath. No, I guess not. And I was like, nothing preventing any germs from going up underneath. No, I guess not. And I was like, how are they going to handle this? But everyone's going to be appreciative of his ingenuity.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's he's, he's not rejecting it. He just, sometimes you don't have one. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's the sort of feeling I got.

The napkin. That's very clever. It's very clever way around it. I have my family. We have so many masks. Yeah. The kids have so many. I have very clever. It's a very clever way around it. I have, my family, we have so many masks. The kids have so many. I have about five. Mm-hmm.

But I've just bought 10 more, and I'm so excited to put them in all my pockets of all my coats. So I always have them. Are they like the N95s? Are they special? No, they're just triple layer cotton masks. Okay. I got mine. They're from Old Navy. So... Oh. Pretty

stylish, if you ask me. Well, nobody was. Dave, do you have one overheard? I do. Mine's an overseen. i was in traffic the other day boy get me behind the wheel of one of these cars just watch me go yeah yeah you're like baby driver um and i was driving and i uh there was just a regular car nothing flashy uh in front of me and yeah i saw that it had a bumper sticker on the back that said zero to horny in 2.5 beers no

it's like a hilarious punchline and then a real quick tag at the end and then i was like okay i'm gonna see this guy driving this car. I pull up beside. It's just a nice lady. Like a 40-year-old lady with glasses. Oh, my God. Not who I thought I would see. Maybe she was borrowing her son's car or something. Yeah, exactly.

Well, she was too young for that. Okay. To have a son who is a horny son. A horny driving son. She goes to a discount mechanic and that's the rental car they give her. Yes. Yeah, we tried to take this bumper sticker off, but it's integral to the bumper. It's integral to the personality of the driver.

Yes, yeah. Whoever's car it is, they need you to know that about them. But also, like like don't mention alcohol on the back of your car or you will get pulled over all the time right good point good point yeah and the cop comes up to your window roll down the window mrs horny blow into this a breathalyzer yes a breathalyzer and squeeze on this love machine

ripped thing from a bar mine is something I've seen on the back of a car not a bumper sticker but kind of like a specialized decal or decal.

And it was Disney font. You know, the famous Disney font. And it said, covered in bitch dust. Oh, no! I don't understand any part of it. And I didn't see who the driver was. Oh, you didn't? Oh, bummer.

That's bananas. I mean, it's a play on pixie dust? Is that? Or witch dust? Boy. I think you might be giving that person too much credit. I don't think it's a play on anything except that. Well, the Disney font makes me think it's like.

Oh, right, right, right, right. Like some kind of bibbippity boppity boo yeah that is so peculiar isn't it it's are you are you a disney file it's so funny i was just on another podcast yesterday where this came up um i am not a disney, but my dad is a collector or has been a collector of Disney Anna, which is just that kind of stuff. And of course, I grew up in California, so I've been a million times. Right. So I am a fan of Disneyland. I think it's fun.

But I haven't been there since COVID and I haven't seen the Star Wars thing, which I think would be fun. Yeah, that'd be totally fun. And now they have like Marvel guys walking around. Yeah. Spider-Man. Yeah. And they've got bitch dust. They've got bitch dust.

You can get covered in it. Well, you know, Tinkerbell is a bitch. I mean, if any Disney character is a bitch, it's Tinkerbell. And when Julia Roberts played her, she was throwing fits all over the place and they called her tinker hell that's a true oh julia roberts was soaring julia roberts yeah yeah oh what she played tinkerbell okay why was she mad i don't know she knew she was miscast she um i don't know she was expected she was very disappointed

she thought they were going to shrink her down she was like why am I as big as Robin Williams 6 feet tall oh god that was horrible oh that was so painful that whole experience the hook?

yeah but mainly her yeah I can see that you know what I can see any hollywood star throwing fits that's what i that's how i picture hollywood stars yeah i mean it's not shocking i just i never really heard anything bad about her i never really heard anything about her one you know i mean yes she stole someone's husband but you know besides that like that was on set but you know she in real life she did that or that was just we're on the way it was like a cameraman and on one of her movies and he was married and had kids but

huh who am i yeah yeah exactly you know cameraman you're looking at her all day right eventually you're gonna fall in love Yeah. I mean, the camera loves her. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. The camera loves her. And so does the cameraman. Yeah. I don't know if he was a cameraman,

but he maybe was a lighting guy. He was something. I think he was a cameraman. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Danny something.

Danny Roberts. Danny Roberts. He took her. He took her name. And, uh, well, we have also,

in addition to our great overheard, we have one sent in to us from all over the map. If you want to send one to us, it's sbyatmaximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Kate B. in Ann Arbor, Michigan. This is in a Himalayan-themed store filled that in itself isn't the scene amazing so

you know filled with Ganesh statues prayer flags fair trade clothing when I overheard an older midwestern white woman ask the Nepalese clerk namaste what is that, a religion or a god or something? And the clerk explained that it was a term of honor to say hello and goodbye. The customer then responded with recognition, saying, oh, that's what Johnny Depp does.

I've seen him do this all the time, but I didn't know what it meant. And then she goes on to describe Johnny Depp. And she told the woman that her companion came to town to eat at a local oyster bar because it's named Black Pearl. And she'd been telling folks she was expecting Johnny to show up.

No. And finally, she said, after bonding, the customer spelled out movies the clerk needed to tell her daughter to watch, specifically Nick of Time

and Don Juan DeMarco. Oh, I love nick of time is this real yeah this is amazing isn't that crazy uh just like a super johnny depp fan yeah wow well every day after i wake up from my nap i have a diet coke and i watch you gotta see benny in june i telling you, your daughter will love it. Welcome to America. You gotta see. Cry baby.

I really watched. That's so weird. I watched Benny and June so many times for some reason. You did? Yeah. Isn't that weird? It is. It's usually on a double feature with Scarface.

Right. That's right. And I figure I've already watched all all of scarface then uh might as well benny and june is the um uh he's he loves old-timey uh like not charlie chaplin but like buster keaton yeah oh i didn't even remember that i just remember that it was like a love story and they're like, they're quirky. Kind of like 90s quirky. And she's Mary Stewart Masterson. Yes.

And what is her brother in the movie? Aidan Quinn. Aidan Quinn, good. I didn't even think you would know what I was talking about. I can't believe you have this much information. I haven't seen it. And you knew Aidan Quinn was in it? Yeah.

I'm impressed. I know every actress whose name starts with Mary And just two extra names Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio What if it turns out Dave's like a huge Aiden Quinn fan Like the way that woman is With Johnny Depp Oh Welcome to America you gotta see Legends of the Fall

Is he in that or Or the other one? River Runs Through It. They're the same movie to me, so I don't know. Now, that's a double bill. Yeah. Oh, man. I bet. You know what?

This store, this Himalayan store? Yeah. You know they've seen Seven Years in Tibet. Oh, for sure. You know what I mean? That's probably on the application. How many times have you seen Seven Years? Yeah. I can't believe there's a the application. How many times have you seen seven years?

Yeah. I can't believe there's a Himalayan themed store in Michigan. But they're probably the only one. They've got a monopoly on the market there. Yeah. This next one comes from Doug from Indianapolis. I was getting a jacket tailored. Pretty nice.

And when I was leaving the alteration shop, I noticed a sign on the wall. It said should you choose us we're experienced we're quick it's guaranteed we love you oh wow yeah well if you go to like you can get your clothes altered at the dry cleaner and the dry cleaner the, the, um, I think it's the word. No. Hanger? Hanger. The clothes hanger that has the like paper inside that says, we love our customers. Yeah. Yeah. But it's so funny to specifically say,

we love you. We love you. That's why you should choose us. Yeah. Choose us. We love you. Yeah. We're in love with you.

We see what kind of clothes you wear and we've filled up. We smell your clothes when you leave. Yeah. We love you. Yeah. Now, why is that not a reality show where you like, you don't get to see or hear your person, but you have to get to smell them. I think there's like a, isn't there a blindfolded reality show? Dating show?

Yeah, there was. It was a big thing on Netflix. Stank Masters. With Joey Fatone. Yeah, that was by Joey Fatone. Small words only. Yeah. That's why they called it

NSYNC without the I because he was like that's too many letters too much and sync is what you think adding an apostrophe would that's that's a lot of work yeah yeah but you know what he's he's there for the grind he sure is the grinder this last one comes from benjamin b in chicago. You don't think it's Benjamin Button. I do think that I think that he's aging in reverse and we've just caught him in the mid in the mid aging. So he's perfect. Oh, yeah. The elevator in my tall apartment building was broken and a presumed parent and child entered the stairwell going down the stairs around the 11th floor. The child, about six years old,

exasperated that the elevator was broken, said, Ugh, God did not make this easy. Just like an exhausted six-year-old. That's cute. Like, oh boy, that commute. Really testing me. Yeah. Oh, my kids are like that all the time, but they won't, they refuse to take a nap.

They will fight sleep tooth and nail. Yeah. You can't drive them around. Yeah. It's like when your kid's sleeping is the last thing you ever want to do. But then as you grow up, you're like, I'm not missing anything by sleeping. Kids think they are, but you're not. My son still won't sleep in like no matter

what time he goes to bed he wakes up between 6 and 6 30 because he feels like he's gonna miss something i'm like nothing's going on man you're not yeah well he's still he's still hopeful of something amazing i guess but nothing amazing happens before 10 a.m anyways i know it just it's maddening it's like i mean 9 9 11 that did happen you're right okay so sometimes something's not you could have missed that yeah yeah but imagine waking up at 10 and being like what is everyone freaking out about my roommate had to wake me up because i was i was sound asleep and then he was like come watch the news and i was well out here it was like it was like six in the morning our time i think yeah i think my husband's mom called us or something who lived in chicago yeah but uh that's how we found out yeah i think uh i've probably been woken up

several times because of you know landmark events things like that well now i have an answer i my son just doesn't want to miss a national tragedy. Yeah. Waking up at 630. It doesn't want to be the last one in. You know what? He, did you ever play? Don't want to miss a thing by Aerosmith to him at a young age. And maybe that's why.

Is that in, is that in Armageddon? Because if so, then he has heard that song. Yeah. Yeah. I would explain. Don't want to close my eyes.

Don't want to fall asleep. Right. That's exactly it. That's the whole motto. Yeah. That would explain, don't want to close my eyes, don't want to fall asleep. Don't want to miss sleep. Right. That's exactly it. That's it. That's the whole motto of life. He models himself after Steven Tyler. But I do want to miss a thing.

That's the difference between me and Steven Tyler. Yeah. Only we're, you know, almost identical. Yeah. You guys are toxic twins. In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844- 779-7631.

That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Jackie calling in with an overheard from San Diego. We were walking by the bay.

There's a couple of restaurants. And from behind us, all of a sudden, we hear this large group of people yell, acapella. And then we hear one guy's voice pipe up and just say, I know it's pronounced acapella. I just like saying acapella. Anyways, off I go. I know this is wrong, that person's an for sure me i know it's acapella i say acapeka that's not even close yeah that's not even like sabotage sabotage or whatever that's that's ridiculous or he thinks l's or c's maybe with somebody with cursive yeah yes

that's maybe that's how they first saw it and then i'm just assuming this is a man because that's just bananas it's bananas and that's a good one when i guess you if you're in an acapella group then you probably say it all the time but yeah like how often do you say acapella whenever I think of Carmen San Diego yeah rock acapella rock acapella was there yeah right isn't that yeah

I don't know I don't know what you guys time out well it was a kids show and you were a grown up no I've heard of it I've heard of the show I just didn't know there was a rock acapella oh yeah they had a they had a live the theme song was done live by an acapella band at the beginning and the end of the show and they like would sing clues oh okay got it cool rockapella there was a an episode of fraser that actually like took place in seattle and it was they had like an actual outdoor gathering that uh kelsey kramer did the theme song live of fraser with backed by an acapella group

it was so bad wait a second this was an episode of fraserier? Yeah. It took place like in. Where they went. Yeah. They didn't use sound stages. They went. They took everyone to Seattle. Okay. And like Frasier was supposed to be. It was like Frasier Crane Day at this park. Okay.

But the way they got that is by hosting a real Frasier event. So Kelsey Grammer got on stage and sang Toss Salads and Scrambled Eggs? Yeah. Backed by an acapella group. Oh my God, that sounds maybe worse than when he fell off the stage. Was it on, was that part of the show that he sang live? They showed him singing the closing credit song. That's really giving me douche chills.

That is bad news, Bears. I don't like that at all. I found something on YouTube. Kelsey Grammer sings the Frasier theme tune live. This might be it. Maybe I hear the blues call like a scramble

and maybe I seem a bit crazy but I got you back yeah oh my god that's the goofiest thing I've ever heard. I liked it. I can't let you badmouth that. I like it. You're a fan of acapella? I love acapella. I love Kelsey Grammer. I love singing.

I love joy. You love Seattle? Yep. Love scrambled eggs. Oh man, next phone call. Hi Dave. Hi Graham. Love scrambled eggs. Oh, man. Next phone call. Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. This is Ryan.

Oh, sorry. Hi, special guest. This is Ryan. I'm calling with an overheard. The other day I was at my choir practice, and we were doing warm-ups, and everybody was supposed to go with their lips to make a buzzing sort of like hit the notes and um i looked across the choir because it was like we were a u-shaped riser and there was one person who couldn't buzz their lips they couldn't do that thing and so

they were going but then i woke up because i was having a dream because, of course, I'm not in choir practice. You know, masks and stuff. So what does it mean? I don't know. Off I go. A weird turn in that one. That was a subconscious overheard. Yeah.

overheard. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a good singer, but I think I would love the warm-ups. Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah.

Just being backstage, stretching my face out with a leaf blower. You just take a hanger that says we love you and just stick it in your mouth and pull it. If I can remember the word for hanger. Are you going to say something? No.

Okay. And your final phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. is joe valdez from north carolina i just had an overheard at a local bar um i guess they had a row of miniature um rubber duckies along the back end of the bar. And some guy for some reason said, I've been to at least three different rubber ducky museums throughout the world, and I've never seen miniature rubber duckies. And the guy said, well, we got them.

I said, that's really cool. Anyway, I thought that was kind of funny. Cross it off your bucket list come on who's been to three who's been to three and hasn't seen miniature ones yeah that's like i've seen gigantic there was like a couple years ago a giant rubber duck showed up in like the water near toronto oh yeah everybody lost their mind for it it was all that was on twitter for the whole day is giant duck giant duck um but i guess it was an art piece or something but that would have blown this guy's mind you

know giant we were in hawaii and they had for the fourth of July, they had a rubber ducky race. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You bet on, you know, you pick a number, and then you hope your duck passes the finish line. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It was really cute. It was fun. I mean, you know. There are rubber duck museums in Seattle and Amsterdam.

Can't find a third one. Not too far away. So this guy's story's falling apart. Yeah. But what do they have? Yeah. A red one. Take a stab.

A red one. Yeah, one that looks like the devil. One that looks like God. Right. There's probably like pop art of rubber ducks. Yeah, exactly. And there's probably like a groucho marx one and you know things like that things are duck related a donald licensed one daffy

daffy sure yeah with mickey mouse ears yeah the first rubber duck you know could be in there the rosetta stone of rubber ducks the sphinx The Rosetta Stone of RoboDogs. The Sphinx. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Danielle, thank you so much for being our guest. This was so much fun. Thank you, guys. I really appreciate you having me on.

And people can go all over the web and find your new podcast all across the web. It's all on everything. Apple, everywhere you find podcasts. If you want to see us on Twitter, we're pod how to survive. If you want to see us on Instagram, we're podcast,

how to survive. We're on Facebook. Um, you can email us at podcast, how to survive at gmail.com. If you want to tell us what you've survived. Yes. Something scary or hilarious

or humiliating. And like, you know, thanks to you guys, I probably have a couple good ideas of how to take care of myself during a brush fire.

Good. So, thank you for that. Yes. Buckets of water around your house. Yes. Yeah. Hose everything down.

Absolutely. Yeah. And thank you out there, listener, for joining us here in the afternoon, I assume, while you're drinking a big cup of tea. And you know what?

Don't forget to throw away that tea bag and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.