Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 711 - Jacob Samuel

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

Comedian and cartoonist Jacob Samuel joins us to talk field trips, mushrooms, and crokinole.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 711 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is just as excited as I am about this being the 711 episode, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I mean, come on. We didn't, I only realized it today. This is like a milestone. We could have gotten, you know, know popsicle pete chester cheetah

uh 7-eleven doesn't have their own mascot don't they have maybe like a a human-like slurpee like a slurpee with a face and arms anthropomorphic slurpee they might um uh but just like i think it's it's not, who's the guy who's the AM PM guy who's made out of candy. Oh, I didn't know. It's a, I thought that they, for some reason I thought AM PM's mascot was the same one for six flags, the dancing old man. The dancing uncle junior.

No, they, uh, they've got a guy who's got like, you know, candy bar fingers and licorice hair and a beard of, you know, hot dogs. When I was a kid, AM, PM, and not to make this episode 7-Eleven about AM, PM, which we don't even have in Canada. But I do remember they had a commercial with Refrigerator Perry. From the Chicago Bulls? From the Chicago Bears. It was on the heels I believe of the Super Bowl shuffle and he was rapping about uh I only remember remember the last line was what the hey

I gotta fill up the fridge nice and he points at himself that's me yeah yeah yeah. Our guest today, very funny comedian. He was last year's Juno winner for Best Comedy Album. He is an illustrator and comic artist that's had some of his work displayed in The New Yorker. Ever heard of it? It's Mr. Jacob Samuel. Hey, thanks a lot for having me. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I didn't understand any of those references at all.

What, AMPM or? AMPM. I mean, I've seen clocks before, but. Yeah. hey how are you i'm good i didn't understand any of those references at all what ampm or ampm i i mean i've seen clocks before but yeah oh well there are other song that i remember ampm is like a a convenience store in america yeah oh uh that is often attached to gas stations it's their kushtard yeah they're yeah they're kush tard they're um day paner uh there's i remember the other song from there was you're the boss at ampm mini market oh i love i love jingles what can i say so anytime we were on a road trip in america and we saw a oh can we pull over here go to amp mini market you're the boss maybe the fridge is in there maybe we can meet the fridge see when i when i see 7-eleven like any elevens i think of pizza pizza which is 9-6-7-11-11

we were talking about this the other night because there's a pizza pizza in vancouver now and i like when i moved to vancouver i was so happy that there was no pizza pizza here because it's terrible yeah they're not going to be able to they're they're like going to be like target here in canada they're going to try you're in vancouver and it's just not going to take the fact that there's only one is like you're already writing your own tombstone, you know? Should we get to know us? Oh, yes. Get to know us. Jacob, where are you from?

Originally, I'm from Toronto. Home of Pizza Pizza. Well, when I was growing up in Vancouver, we didn't have Tim Hortons. Really? Yeah, Tim Hortons, I looked it up. There was no Tim Hortons in Vancouver until 1994. Wow. In Vancouver proper.

So we had Starbucks for five years before we had Tim Hortons. What was your Tim Hortons scene? Pretty good? Pretty up to date in Toronto? It was just always there. I remember when starbucks was the fancy coffee place and then there was the starbucks second cup war right because we had second cup in toronto it was the dueling i didn't realize well starbucks clearly i didn't

realize that starbucks was an international you know monolith yeah the second cup is only in ontario i think no second cup was out here canada wide yeah it was i think it's second cup or uh another one anyways blends blends yeah it's either blends but i think it's second cup and it was started by a guy who was homeless and kind of figured out how to be housed and all this stuff kind of uh raised himself up and then he started a coffee shop and it was the second cup and then it became a whole chain and then it got decimated by starbucks so but it was in the movie scott pilgrim that's i like that's the one victory for second cup as it got referenced in that film that's pretty good that's yeah if you're gonna get referenced in that film. That's pretty good.

That's yeah. If you're going to get mentioned in any film, make it, make it a, what is that guy that directs it? Edgar Wright. Edgar Wright. Yeah.

Jacob, we were talking on the podcast just before we started that you are an engaged man. Yeah. I mean, I like to think of myself as emotionally married because we've been because we got engaged and then covet happened and we spent you know all the time together in a one-bedroom apartment did you uh did you give her a ring or was it like hey oh yeah before yeah no

no because it was before covet it was, everything was going to plan. We got engaged and we're like, okay, let's start planning. We hadn't, everyone was, I think people either plan immediately, like either they get engaged and someone already has a plan for the weather. Like they're like, oh yeah, we have a date already. Or you get engaged and you're like, we don't know what to do now. Yeah, I feel like, Dave, how long were you engaged for? Oh, not long uh we lived we boy we dated for 10 years lived together for five years i think before before we got engaged and then

but we were engaged for less than a year how many like abby had the like we had a venue we had a venue reserved before uh before you proposed yeah because it was like might as well yeah i mean you see these like uh my favorite thing to watch online is proposals gone wrong proposals where yeah he was not into it and um and it seems that that's the case a hundred percent of the time that it's she's not into that well he's proposing you better be into it but just like the the idea that you would propose without having discussed hey maybe one day we'll get married yeah um how did you how did you do it jacob how was what was the proposal like i just i well what happened was that i was i was planning on a certain date then she saw my calendar and so i had to shift around

all my plans but i i just did it i did it uh and i didn't realize it's a cliche thing to do it was new year's eve uh i i did it at her at her home i kind of i hit it in a thing of candy okay let's just stay home for new year's eve and eat candy honey yeah i focused too much on the subterfuge of the proposal of tricking her and not enough on the uh grand romantic part i put a lot of effort into the ring like i got like i really like put so much effort into like getting a ring that she would like how did you uh because i've always wondered this how do you get the right size ring i know it can be refitted but you don't you just get you get the wrong size i tried to like measure her like i i don't know if i measured like my finger and then like subtracted or like was measuring hers at her sleep like did she have other rings that she wears on that

finger no she did not i love that you were somehow trying to measure that you guess it was way too big so and she's an engineer so at the night she when she put the ring on she was like oh this is gonna work and she had to make like a little leash for it so it wouldn't fall off nice and engineers i know she has one my dad has one as well they when they graduate from university everybody gets a ring yeah and then she had that but she lost it the iron ring did she ever um participate in any of the uh local uh engineering like volkswagen bug pranks what i know i don't know. Oh, okay.

This is like for years, they're like a Volkswagen bug would, a beetle, one of the old timey beetles would end up like hanging off a bridge or on top of a movie theater. And it was, oh, the engineers did a prank this year. They spent time,

they should have been studying. Figuring out this prank. It's better that that's their prank and not like forgetting something on a bridge. The bridge collapses. Oh, we got you guys. Like the breeze, like you've been parked. Did you spend any time in university i did i spent time in two universities did you get kicked out of one is that why yeah for smoking uh no

it'd be hard it's we i i went to i i went to mcgill uh for undergrad in montreal which is it's really weird because the contrast like because the the universe the drinking age is 18 and like the the grounds were licensed i don't know if they still do this because it doesn't seem like correct or safe but like i heard that when you start at ubc and frosh it's like everything's very controlled and like they're very careful about drinking and at mcgill it was like literally like the university is a bar it's a huge open bar this sounds good this sounds like a good this is good pitch for a university kind of like a giant bar well mcgill is short for dr

mcgillicuddy's uh old-fashioned rum or whatever yeah sch. Schnapps. Yeah, did you live on campus? I lived just off campus. In the ghetto, in the McGill ghetto, which is one of the better ghettos you can be in. Top ten, top ten in this year's McLean's Magazine. Top ten ghettos. First one, number one, Blaster. Yeah, I lived on St saint urbain and milton

you know where that is i don't it's like it's pretty close to where the festival is um what festival are you talking about just for laughs oh i'm more of a jazz fest yeah montreal is the city of festivals coincidentally that's also where the jazz fest is nice i'm more of a montreal fringe festival oh okay um what did you what did you end up walking away with from the university or just ba ba nice yeah nice same as mr t oh yeah it was it was great yeah then have you used you've used your your education you've put it to work right yeah i have well i went right back into school after my ba because i graduated like the recession hit in the middle of our undergrad and i was in economics too so all of a sudden there were all these new classes in the economics department of professors just being like okay

here's what we think is happening to the economy yeah yeah throw away all this stuff that we taught you over the past three years here's the new thing we just saw the big short and we have an idea how to fix this we just watched that enron documentary um yeah it's uh but you do you do what do you do during the day give me a whole layout from 8 a.m forward what do you do during the day give me a whole layout from 8 a.m forward what do you do during right now what does he do yeah what do you do now what do you now i i i do like i do analytics for it's not very interesting i do analytics but for uh like uh a public organization but i won't i don't want to name myself yeah i can't i can't say which one because uh they'll they'll get me yeah and also we probably haven't heard of them

oh oh you've heard of them everyone's in but okay i know this organization i should stop teasing it meta bc math yeah texas instruments um uh when you were in high school did you have a texas instrument what are those like graphic calculators graphic yes you have one oh graphic yeah we didn't have one they like they like yeah you very carefully lend them out to us yeah that was like uh that was putting a lot of trust in the students hands that they probably shouldn't have because why were they expensive at the time is that what it was oh yeah probably yeah that's like that like anything that had like a digital display back then was state-of-the-art the uh do you think that there's a market for people that uh that grew

up with those and now they're like a retro kind of knickknack you could have on your shelf yeah wear it on your belt what do you what what do what do high school students have now like if they're in uh the or do they still use that or graphing vr probably yeah they put on a big mask go in they just feel the parabola like um or is there just an app like that replaced all that a tiktok i think i don't know but it's crazy when you think you're like high school they all the textbooks they just... Did they get... They lent you the textbooks, right? Yeah.

That's what I remember. They made us put a... Create a book jacket for it out of paper. Yeah. But those textbooks are worth a lot of money. Not the ones I use. Maybe not high school ones. Yeah.

But like... Yeah, all the things in high school and junior high those those first of all everybody in the you know pictures of it we're all wearing bell bottoms so you knew it was exactly like 25 years ago or whatever and uh and even the references you're like i don't know i don't know that that this reference holds like picture of jfk the unshootable man well that's that can't be right he just loves convertibles um my kids are in uh elementary school and uh we get everything's online now, including what you pay for. So, like, they go on field trips, you get sent to like a digital consent form, and you have to pay $20 for your kid to go to the pumpkin patch.

Put your credit card info in here. And, like, there's like extra textbooks that you have to pay for that or like notebooks that you write you know math answers in right yeah when they when they go on field trips what's their form of transportation school bus no uh no seatbelts because i remember when i went on field trips we used to take the ttc like the subway in toronto and now in hindsight i'm thinking about like the adults that had to supervise us like herding kids like oh yeah crowded subway system it was crazy i've seen that here as well like i've been on one of the trains or buses i was on a bus once with these kids and they were losing their mind they were crawling all over everything and or in the summer

in the summer every day i would take the bus to work in the summer it's just crawling with like uh kids in day camps yes yeah yeah yeah but like yeah i've i'm trying to think of a field trip that i can remember i feel like most of the ones that i went well we went to heritage park that was for sure because we had to churn butter like an old-timey yeah pioneer type yeah exactly like pioneer village and uh they made us all make our own butter and then they gave us bread to eat it on and the butter tasted like shit because there's a bunch of kids made it we uh so my kids have been gone in um we we lost a year because of covid but like the the a couple years ago my daughter but like the, the, a couple of years ago, my daughter went to the pumpkin patch that,

uh, October time this year, my other daughter went to the pumpkin patch, uh, and then they come back and they bring their pumpkin back to school. And the kindergartners have a buddy in grade seven and they carve a pumpkin together and it's super cute. That's pretty cute. And then,

uh, uh, they, my other daughter, my older daughter today today went on a field trip to the orchestra oh the orchestra yeah the vancouver symphony orchestra yeah wow big ticket not the not one of the minor league orchestras yeah everyone's missing their violins yeah yeah yeah yeah no they went to the uh uh butt fuck nowhere

volunteer orchestra volunteer did she like it uh i didn't ask i asked who she sat next to on the bus yeah and whether i mean she's i know i i didn't ask any specifics but i asked uh was it fun and she said yeah because field trips are always fun yeah that's true i remember um like maybe in elementary school a kid a kid that was a a couple and then they split up on the bus ride over and it was the drama of the day oh yeah it was uh so fast i think we were going to the zoo i think we went to the zoo that day they made us go through the canadian pavilion which is like yeah i've seen these things nice beaver uh i remember had i had to go to uh the the aquarium for a field trip and this was one where like the parents were,

it was like, we need parents to carpool the kids to the aquarium. And so like, you know, parents took five kids each and I was in someone's minivan and we had a worksheet that we had to fill out at the aquarium. And I was so bored on the drive there. The minivan had these windows that opened like the slightest bit,

and I accidentally dropped my worksheet out the window. Accidentally. It felt horrible. It was just like that, oh, no, I'm in trouble. No one ever cared. No, of course not. I really stuck with you i know it's weird look as far as i recall no there were no ramifications um jacob what was your favorite

all-time field trip or did you have field trips maybe you didn't we did i don't remember having an all-time favorite one every time i think of a field trip i just remember going to the museum like it just feels like that's what the only like the natural history museum or the royal ontario museum right aka the rom so you like what is it mostly art or is it like no no it's like dinosaur bones canoes yeah canoes there's a bat cave thing that i used to love where it just like it's just a dark room with bat sounds now that i think about it wasn't really weren't any yeah that's all it was but it was sort of scary it's is that how what inspired you to become a crime fighter oh yeah yeah um yeah again i guess we went to a museum but again it was like like if there was a dinosaur bone

you were fascinated but then if it was like this is the suit from the first regiment of whatever you're like oh oh this is so boring um i don't know i like that stuff i was a big history nerd even as always oh yeah you're like where is the bayonet section let me see exactly yeah just going to the armor and like oh yeah i'm like where's the first world war display please but as a kid like what it what history were you into were you like you know recent or ancient or jousting kind of all of it well i liked like warfare history a lot which is sort of i don't know now it's sort of dark but found that very interesting ancient all the way to like more always war yeah just war constantly i don't know empires things like that history what happened i did a minor in history should have been your major we think

so looking because because the thing about history is like you can just read about it i mean you can but yeah extra extra read all about it well you're like am i gonna be one of like the handful of historians who makes any money hit this oh i say that it's less than a handful. It's a thimble full of... And one of them is the guy on Pawn Stars. Yeah, it's like in Canada, there already is a Pierre Burton, you know? But isn't he dead though, right?

Is he? He's either super old or... Look it up. Where's Pierre Burton now? Yeah, exactly. Where are they now let's uh what is he he died anyone want to guess the date and how long ago christmas day no not the date another like day of the year just like how long ago did he think he died if we were unsure if he was still alive how long do you think he's been dead i think he's been dead? I think he's been dead, I think, since 2017.

I say one day. He just died yesterday. 2004. What? I feel like there was a video on the internet of him teaching you how to roll a joint like 10 years ago. Oh, was that on 22 Minutes? Maybe. I guess that's the origin of it yeah that show's 33 years old so

it could have been anywhere in that timeline um so you know what i'm saying is there's a vacancy that you can fill okay yeah okay i'll do it is uh is canadian history as boring as it seemed when i wasn't paying attention to history yeah yeah it Yeah. It's, it was a lot of people. Uh, it's a lot of, you know, of, uh,

people trying to find stuff to make hats out of. It was a lot of that. Displacing other people. But my favorite, my favorite thing about a Canadian history is that, you know, like there's the battle of planes of Abraham when the English defeated the French.

And then there's two, um, paintings of it. Right. And like the, both paintings are of the each general dying because they both died so like like both paintings are they're both like collapsing with people around them so they both died for real yeah they both died they both of the generals died in that battle it's like wolf and montcalm so they called it a draw no the friend no that's sort of what the quebec has based their whole license plate on oh yes yeah okay yeah um the yeah i guess i didn't even know that a planes of abraham if if you said that during a jeopardy i wouldn't know that it was Canadian. Really? There's a lot of like, my other favorite fact is that in the US Revolution, they marched an army up to like Montreal because they had just been like conquered by the English.

And they were like, the French Canadians are going to join us. Like they're going to. And then they, and the French Canadians were just like, no. No, we're not Cajun style. We want to stay up. We're not becoming American. Sorry. That's where most of the French in America live, right?

On the East Coast, Florida kind of area. Am I wrong? It's the Ohio Valley. Yeah, it's the middle. Oh. I don't think there's a lot that are still there. Like sleeper agents for the old yeah i don't think there's a lot of uh people uh with uh you know flirtily all agencies the um yeah it's like uh are you good at jeopardy would you say you're like pretty

pretty solid at it i haven't watched in a while i'm okay at it my like one time i beat my dad and that was like the greatest moment of my life what does that mean like like you who's keeping like we weren't keeping score but i got more of the questions and i probably got final jeopardy and he didn't nice that kind of thing but my like my dad's amazing at it well apparently not yeah well one time not that was you claiming the throne right you have to um well throw down a gauntlet i mean the last time i watched jeopardy i mean i don't know if mbeth will be bad at me for saying this but it was mace mace galoni was over too oh yes and we were watching an episode of jeopardy and they thought that I had seen

it. Like it was on Netflix. I think they had it on Netflix. They thought I had already watched it. And I was like, no, I just read stuff. Oh,

nice. Yeah. You're just like you hillbillies. You would watch it and you didn't. You Philistines. Yeah. Uh, Graham,

you watch Jeopardy every day. Yeah. And I've never gotten any better at it. Really? No. I like, uh graham you watch jeopardy every day yeah and i've never gotten any better at it really no i like there's certain categories that i still don't understand they'll be like ch the ch is in quotations well every clue starts with ch oh is that what that means yes chair what is chair? Do you watch it with your secret partner? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Who is better? She is, by like a country mile. What is a country mile? Yeah. I don't know, actually. What category do you look forward to in Jeopardy? Any kind of entertainment. Yeah, for me me it's always

whatever category is on the far right yeah yeah yeah yeah potpourri sometimes and that's always what they they like never quite get to all of them that's i was when alex trebek i haven't watched it since alex trebek passed away but like when they wouldn't get to all the questions it would always be my favorite category that they didn't get to. And I would always be secretly mad at Alex for kind of talking too long during the interview part. Also, my favorite thing that happens, and it happens maybe once a month, is they have a total sports category. And these three dorkuses can't answer any of the sports. What is a puck?

He is the same name as a shakespeare character but yeah i'm bad at it is is your fiancee is she good at it um if there is well we haven't watched that much together i don't want to throw her under the bus. Yeah, well, you're engaged now. It's fine. She can't call it off. What is pleading the fan? It's impossible. Speaking of which, what is your dream wedding? What is your dream wedding?

Oh, well. I know every young boy imagines their dream wedding one day. You'll have all sorts of people dressed in historical garb and you'll have like turkey legs for dinner. Yeah, exactly. It's like the ancient Romans that I'll be carried in on some sort of bed. Yes, this is good. Carried in on some sort of bed eating grapes. bed yes this is good carried in some sort of bed eating grapes i i like certain i mean i've only been to a few like ethnic or religious weddings and i'm i'm jewish and i do like the jewish wedding

because it's very structured it's like there's no you don't have to do anything as one of the people being married like it's just like say this go over here do this like you have no autonomy in it you're just being walked through it and that sounds pretty bad i like a lot yeah yeah and is it like is i just know from movies there's like a thing where everybody hoists a chair and the person sitting on the chair you step on a glass yeah step on a glass you step on the glass break your mother's ass yeah yeah the chair thing is not i don't know that's a religious thing i think that's just sort of like a yiddish exuberance like thing did you get that when wanted were you bar mitzvahed oh yeah did they have did that happen

there no okay what happened at your bar mitzvah because i've seen like i heard housewives style you know like uh they hired sugar ray or whoever is the popular band at the time there's there's people throw down for bar mitzvahs it's like what's the craziest one that you've been to like they i'm sure you knew other people that were having them so what was there any like super over the top expensive ones they just get like i don't know if i was invited to those but they just get like the top dj like the dj the people who run the dj company are their djs and they get like they rent out like the museum and they come in in a car or something i don't like yeah they drive into the

museum in a car and they're like oh we did not clear this they climb inside of a t-rex yeah we did donuts on a whale bone i just remember like a lot there's a lot of glow sticks you go to a lot of people's bar mitzvahs and there's glow sticks there and then you just disassemble the glow sticks and the goo comes out and you're like this is insane yeah but like that would totally leave a trail so they would know exactly yeah that's a problem glow-in-the-dark hands but uh yeah there was nothing there's no equivalent outside as far as i know outside of uh oh maybe there's kinsey and yaras that's kind of the same thing isn't it my super sweet 16 yes yeah i remember my sweet 16 uh it was at the ymca and uh in the utility room or multi-use room i guess not utility room and just the mechanical room well this is where we

this is the furnace for the ymca yeah and ub40 was there and they did some other famous tunes but i like that the idea that there's a dj company that's like we'll send you our best dj which is probably the one that they say for no matter who they send out like this is our best no but it's like it's like there was like a dj company when i was i don't know if they still exist they're called like mandel or something and it was like oh they're the djs for this are the mandels like whoa it's like the djs who like started this company the original djs i remember the company that did all the like school dances in vancouver was master plan productions nice but i don't know if you would uh i don't know

what family what was the head dj yeah exactly i got promoted to head dj at master plan well they had they had different packages i mean maybe some people even had a band i don't know because that's like that's a real power move i've never been to i don't think like an event like that that's had a band it seems like it's a thing that only happens in wedding yeah no i've never been to a wedding that had a band oh i think so they maybe have like somebody playing violin in the backyard or something like that but did you guys have you been the ones where there's bands i think i've been one or two yeah really i i've been to some where like there's because it's a big like it's very expensive and you have and they have different

packages where like they'll be like they can have like the full soul band package right where it's like a horn section and backup singers and then like there's smaller ones but my i've been to weddings where my friends had were the wedding band at my friend's wedding so they like they at their own wedding or at your friend's wedding no at my friend's wedding fair enough but it's good. I went to a wedding once where the bride handed out cameras minutes before the wedding started and said, take pictures because they didn't hire a photographer.

Is that a good way to save money? I don't know if that's where you want to be saving money. I don't know. I save money by using a very inexpensive glass when I step on it. Yeah. I save money by switching my car insurance to Geico. Now, Jacob, you are a cartoonist. You do doodles.

Yeah. You draw a picture and write words underneath them. Yes. You've had them published in the New Yorker. Yes. How does that happen? Yeah, how does that happen? The system has changed.

I did it when it was... You have to... They have an online submission. You just have to start submitting. Now they have it. You can do it online. But when I did it, they didn't have an online tool. And you had to mail them in.

Oh, wow. And you just like, you just send like every week you try to show like, look how many really you build up a lot and then do it. But then you're like, oh, no, I'm doing these every week. Like 10 ideas. Yeah, exactly. Oh, shit. And yeah, I said I, I sent a bunch in and I think I forgot about one and then I just got an

email and I was like, this isn't real. And, and they wrote how droll. Yeah. I think I've had, I've, I've only had like,

I did it more, um, before I got busier with standup and I do it a bit, I do it less now, but I've had, I got six published in the new yorker and i think i've had like the most amount of corrections what does that mean they have they have someone who like proofreads the cartoons and it's just like yeah you didn't draw this properly

like you need to like i'd wonder well like like what can they correct in a picture like i did one with like um it was two people on like an ice rink and they're like looking at their reflections and i didn't draw the reflections properly like sent me back like a picture like here's how you do this like this is how the reflection works you idiot that's crazy um it's like did you get to do you put your initials in the thing because some of them and some of them don't. And you're like, right. You have a,

everyone tries to come up with like a signature that's like distinct. So, you know, like the sophisticates who read the New Yorker might recognize you one day. Nice. And be like, Oh, that's a,

it's a Graham Clark, you know? Did you ever like, did anybody in your family or friend group, did they notice that you'd done that or did you have to tell drag it around and tell everybody no no i had to tell no i don't think anyone would i didn't i think i told everyone initially because i was like hey check this out yeah but i didn't organically i don't think anyone ever has seen one and been like and found out about

it but maybe your signature isn't clear enough maybe i've seen one it's possible there was one with a couple looking at the reflections and it did look good at all yeah maybe i should make it all signature tiny picture um do you ever think dave or uh jacob do you ever think that you might be a cartoonist when you were a kid like you saw comics in the newspaper you're like yeah i'll just do that you might be a cartoonist when you were a kid? Like, you saw comics in the newspaper, and you're like, yeah, I'll just do that. I'll be... Yeah, how hard could it be? Yeah, I'll just...

I'll be the new... What was one of the worst ones? BC, probably. That's one of the most boring ones. A lot of the comics, I just don't understand, because I'm like, what's the joke here? Like, you mean the longer form ones? The three-panelers? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. what's the joke here like the you mean the longer form ones the three panelists yeah yeah yeah i

mean it's a lot it's a disappearing art because uh it did seem like yeah because every in in the like daily comics in the newspaper you would get three panels of sally fourth and it would be a you'd have to follow the plot for the week that's right but it felt like the you know the one panel ones the prestige that was the prestige spot of like the far side or bizarro or the family circus the family circus oh man that was reliable it was reliable every week it was good did you have a favorite growing up cartoons i i like definitely the far side i never even gravitated to the one panel stuff but i just like i didn't really like reading cartoons that much but i like the simpsons a lot and then the simpsons had that one episode like i don't know why this connected in my mind

we were a poo cheats on his wife and he has to do all these things to get her back yeah yeah and then one of the things was get a cartoon published in the new yorker and then i was like that just like triggered something in my mind where i was like what's the deal with new yorker cartoons and then i went down like a rabbit hole just getting really into those i love that they have uh there's every week there's a contest like someone someone draws a cartoon without a caption or how does that work do you know does someone draw the cartoon with a caption and the editor's like we're gonna use that without the caption and have people submit yeah captions your captions i think they take a cartoon that will they buy what happens is they they buy a certain number of cartoons they

run them later and i think maybe they they might buy a cartoon where they're like we think this would be good for the caption contest we'll just get rid of your caption and use this i love that this is a job that some some person has oh one person yeah one person and i think maybe there's an assistant i don't know that much because i'm not in new york and i only went to the office once and they were like how the hell did you get in here yeah no i was in new york and they were like oh yeah we're not having a meeting this week like come back another week from across north america uh i just think that's so cool because like there are people that are in it feels like every issue there's like certain yeah they have they have they have regular because they sort of cultivate they try to cultivate cartoonists they try to uh um they you know people who are working really

hard and have talent they because they want they want to kind of build people up as cartoonists who people know about right so you have to really submit a lot like be really uh prolific in your work yeah can't be lazy when i was growing up i every year my aunt and uncle would get me a farside calendar and i loved it and i had the like the big farside anthologies and they stopped making farside calendars i mean he stopped writing the comic a long time ago but they kept making the calendars for a while and then a few years ago i was like oh i should get a farsight calendar and they they didn't make them anymore but last year or this year is

the first year they actually made farsight calendars in quite a while and every and i was like oh i should get one i wonder if they hold up or if like you know if if uh hold up comedically but also like you know uh in terms of like social standards yeah uh and historically accurate well i mean like would gary larson be canceled uh and oh that would be the funniest canceling when we start being able to communicate with cows probably probably. Yeah. But every month is divided into a different topic. And there was like cow month and there was a month of, you know, um, uh, what else does he do? Cow victims. This is, it's October right now.

Uh, all the ones are, they're all like gangster crime ones. There was a month of caveman ones and it was all fine but september was like uh kind of like explorer or not like guys in pith helmets yeah yeah and there's a like you know dealing with tribal people and like there was a lot there were a few headhunter jokes that maybe you don't hold up he uh what is your favorite like that you can just like your favorite gary larson comic far side i'm trying to think like my all-time like doesn't have to be all time i know i know i it's there's one where there's a plane they're flying and they're like what are those mountain goats doing in that cloud or something see i can picture it perfectly that's

a great thing about it dave what's your favorite far side uh the one i'm thinking of i don't i'm sure there's one i liked more than this but uh it's a uh caveman uh and it says it's like a primitive. He's up on a very large microscope. And there's a mammoth standing underneath it. And he's looking into the microscope and he's like, it's a mammoth. And it's like the caption is primitive microscope. I love it. That one, I think, doesn't even need the caption yeah that's true yeah i mean you submitted to the caption contest yeah no that's pretty good but that's what i'm

gonna start doing at the new yorker caption contest no caption necessary or just stealing the captions from the far side and just sending them in just no matter what. Pervitive microscope. How about you, Graham? I like there's one that I saw recently where it's in hell and there's a guy like moving a wheelbarrow and whistling and Satan is going, he just doesn't get it. Oh, they did have Hell Month. My favorite Hell one is everyone in Hell is gathered around the TV watching the weather report, and Satan is giving the weather report, and he's saying,

Ooh, that cold front just missed us. Oh, man. Yeah, that's the great thing about his jokes is you don't even have to see them. You just can picture them in his weird drawing form that he did. Yeah, why can't more like that jacob yeah come on be more successful and funnier you know what i never considered that but yeah i'll try it now you uh as a stand-up people i haven't done stand-up in a very long time but people would talk to me and be like you can use that in your skits do do would people ever give you like cartoon ideas in a very oh yeah frustrating we'll drop here's a picture you like they would but i feel

like if someone gives you a cartoon idea they have to like it's like a five-step process of like okay so he's winding up to do this and then right well people give you ideas as if like you can draw them like in a second and want to don't get the reflection wrong on this like so yeah like drawings hard you know like people are like okay so like there's a giant crowd and you're like no no no make it a car or a cloud and then we've got yeah um uh dave what's going on with you man oh me yeah oh la la i get to talk yeah um not a lot um i've been so i'm from vancouver I've lived here my whole life. Woo! Yeah, let's hear it for the city. And never in my life have I noticed so many cartoonish mushrooms. Have you noticed these things?

They look like the ones from the Stromps. In the grass? On the ground? Yeah, on the ground. Really? Not in my part of Vancouver. What's your part? East Van.

Ooh, yeah. No, these are west sides. Yeah. Must be pretty expensive mushrooms. Well, the ones I've seen the most are like kind of on Ontario Street, right on the border between yes east and west uh but like yeah like literally smurf level mario level mushrooms that are cartoonishly like a red top with uh white spots on it normally like you you see like just like a bunch of pale uh weird fungi growing in the ground yeah

yeah and i'm always like i never do but i am always tempted to pull one up and chew on it and see what see if poisonous trying to get bigger yeah get bigger faster you know um yeah i don't i don't know anything about mushrooms but i know there was a documentary like a year ago or two years ago that everybody was talking about that was about mushrooms oh yeah and they were like they're part of like this big like almost like cardiovascular system under the ground that they're like communicating with the trees and with each other through these networks of they can be huge like fungi i think they'd like they'd just be like one organism technically yeah it's like it could just be enormous like the size of a state oh shit something that's crazy so you're just picking off of the same the same one kind of thing maybe i

don't i'm not a biologist that's right you're a historian well i'll save this question for a biologist we'll talk to next week. There's a kind of, so I do a little bit of gardening and you can buy so many kinds of dirt and like compost and fertilizer. And there's one kind, oh boy, it starts with an M. It's like M-Y-R. It's like Merho it's like myrhovazen huben it's a very weird sounding kind of dirt to buy yeah but it's like a mushroom manure that creates a network uh of like that's the idea that it like creates a network for all your plants to kind of like share one system of like roots i don't know real that sounds like marketing uh but i know that you can't once you do it you can't like undo it disturb it no you can easily undo it so like okay once you

do it you have to be like okay these plants live undisturbed now and are those are they edible ones or is this just like uh just to look at i don't know i haven't done it uh because i'm always moving stuff around did you have indoor plants like before or did you just go straight into gardening? Oh, we have indoor plants. We never had indoor plants before a couple of years ago. And now we do. And our new puppy loves them. We come home and there's just dirt on the ground.

Jacob, you also had experience not too long ago raising a puppy. Oh, yeah. You guys are both insane for buying a puppy oh yeah well you you've had one before right yeah no dave has yeah yeah dave has i did you grew up with dogs uh not really we had one for one year okay and it didn't make the cut we had a delicious barbecue oh no uh it literally did my parents were like we're gonna send this to the farm and then it went to a farm and he like two years later the people who owned the farm had to go on vacation and we had to take care of this dog that we used to own for a week

oh man it's like well that was in the fine print you know if we don't want him for a week you have to take him back and tell me about your dog jacob um his name is mendel he's he's almost two now he's a mini bernadoodle so he's bernie's yeah mountain dog poodle yeah but he does not look like bernie's at all we got him we're like did they like lie about this why would they how big how big is he he's like 25 to 30 pounds he's not because bernie's are gigantic yeah they breed a full-size bernie's with a miniature poodle the mom is the bernie's right that's what ms said she's like i hope the mom's the bernie's uh but he's like it's like he's he's like the cross between a half and half one and a full

poodle so it was like a 30 pound dog and a 20 pound dog together right but i never had any pets before this never well i had i had like as a kid i had like we had fish right which is like a certain which you grow very unattached to because you're like a kid you're like fish cool and they're just always dying right and you're also like well i'm tired of looking at you now so i'm just gonna go over here last time i did something to the boy you died so i had i had a frog once then i had two gerbils and that was it but that's those are animals that you grew up around yeah but not but like i when i was a lot younger and I wanted to have a dog but my dad was allergic to both

they said. I found out recently he was only allergic to cats. The dog thing was a lie. Just so you can have one. Yeah. And then I'm allergic to cats but Mbeth, my fiance, she grew up in like a doctor doolittle house of like a million animals

talking animals oh yeah shit i grew up in more of a flubber house um like what like was she did she live on a farm or something or no no she uh they had like well she she moved here from south africa as a kid and i guess in south africa they had like more land and everyone had it was like had dogs there right um but they like it's like they had two dogs a cat a bunch of birds and then each of she has two sisters so that's so those are the shared pets then they each had like their own personal pet so like she had a rabbit her sister had like a parakeet like they had like every kind of pet in that house um i think those are so well did you have a horse that's the other major they they went to a place where there were horses nice

nice yeah that's i think that's the richest you can get right owning a horse oh yeah maybe owning an ostrich no horse is probably more expensive buffalo yeah you well yeah owning a bison's probably pretty but you can't ride a bison no you can ride an elephant that's true it would be elephant would be good you can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish yeah or like a whale or if you had dolphins yeah but you can't oh you can't own a dolphin yeah that's right they're the little outsmart you yeah they had to um you know the whole story about pablo escobar and the hippos? Go ahead. Pablo Escobar was so cash rich that he had to figure out ways to spend the money.

So he bought a couple of hippos for his property. And he had a big pool or moat or whatever for them to be in. And then he got killed, and nobody knew what to do with these hippos. So they kept them there, but then there was a giant flood and the hippos were able to float out of that yard into the main river.

So now they've got hippos, a lot of hippos. Really? In Columbia? Yeah, in Columbia. And so they've had to like shoot them with darts that have a birth control in them because they're breeding so fast.

These weird darts that have an IUD in them because they're they're breeding so fast just these weird darts that have an iud in them we don't want to get near them to put the have you ever tried to put an iud in my hand you do not want to do it they are super dangerous animals yeah they kill more people than sharks and sharks don't really kill very many people. So I guess that's not fair. But you can own a shark. I think rich people have sharks, for sure. Oh, yeah. Have you got a shark tank?

Yeah. My friend Kevin, this wonderful guy I know, he has a shark tank. Really? How big is he? Mr. O'Leary? Mr. Wonderful? He's Mr. Wonderful. He's he's governor leary from shark tank uh going boating with him this and his wife this summer oh yeah yeah

so how is how is having a puppy the second time around um it's harder with children because you need to police them around the puppy and they are not tough when the puppy bites them. Right. You have to be like, okay, that's on you. Stop putting your face in the dog's mouth. That's what,

that's what I didn't realize about puppies is that like, cause you see pictures of them they're so cute and then that but most of the time they're like trying to bite you with very sharp teeth yeah yeah and our we only saw our dog lose one tooth but he's now lost them all and his adult teeth are in it must be a big relief you know if you should try to search for stop podcast yourself if you just go stop and then put p the top is stop puppy biting so not anymore i mean maybe that that was a long time ago i think google itself has changed and it knows it knows the score yeah it knows what you're looking for. That's right. Well, I was looking at puppy biting for you guys.

I'm going to send you some hot tips. But seriously, how do you stop that? They outgrow it. Oh, they do? We did something specific. Oh, yeah? We lectured him. No.

You squeal like they bite you. You make yeah like you're like a dog like they bite you you make it like like a like how a dog would the sound the dogs make when they yeah hurt and then because you're kind of like no like that is too hard yeah don't do that the other thing we ignore him like once he bites us you kind of turn your back and stop playing with him right so that's just an association of parties over yeah i don't know it worked for us like when he bites like he he'll like kind of bite you but really softly yeah biting me softly with his song exactly yeah um so tell me more about these mushers that you saw that's all have you said have you seen them yeah i see them around once in a while i'm

fascinated by jacob is completely he's completely in the dark here no i've never seen these mushrooms i've never seen them before this year not only that i don't believe you yeah well we've got a real showdown happening here i'm a anti uh mushroom but they're like an i've lived here my whole life i've never never seen anything like them. They are so cartoonish this year. Are they like the cicadas you think? Or they come every? Oh yeah. They come every 40 years of my life.

There's in this neighborhood for quite a few blocks, quite a few blocks. There's people that build little fairy villages around the base of trees. And I think if you had those mushrooms that would be a good a good start you know i wonder around that but like because it's a kind i haven't seen before i've you know i was always told don't touch these mushrooms don't touch any mushrooms you see because they're poisonous but also as a kid i'm like i don't want i wouldn't even touch the mushrooms you served me um but they uh they're um i wonder like now that there's new mushrooms i wonder are there any local mushrooms i could eat and like now that i like cooking mushrooms well yeah get a book yeah if you had a book in one of those wide baskets and then yeah have you ever seen like people who go foraging like how they bring

all those mushrooms back it's like it's it's a crazy like they have baskets on their back that go up like six feet and they that's how they carry back all the like fresh picked mushrooms yeah so quaint it's quaint and then they sell it to rich restaurants you know i couldn't risk it what you would definitely poison yourself yeah it's the anxiety i'd pick mushrooms i'd check and then i'd probably eat it and then check again to be like wait i. I had, I visited some people once in France and they weren't home because they were gone for the weekend picking mushrooms. But they let me use their apartment. And so, but they told me that they, in France anyway, you go and you pick mushrooms and then you bring them back and show the pharmacist. And the pharmacist says, these are good.

These are poison. Oh, really? Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I like, I'm like you. I thought that they were all poison except ones that got you high, but which is kind of like a poisoning. I think, um, you're a vegetarian, Graham.

Do you, um, has, did you like mushrooms before you were a vegetarian? Yes. Yeah. I was like, if like fried mushrooms was as good as it got. I loved them. Like any mushroom and butter combination that you can think of. Mushrooms in butter, mushrooms next to butter, under, over. Yeah.

It's there. They're so good. They're so good. They're so good. It's my favorite. Mushroom gravy is my favorite vegetarian analog for meat food. And apparently, and I've been told by people from Quebec, that the traditional poutine has mushroom gravy as opposed to a beef. So if you're making it like it should be made, mushroom you know this jacob you you spent time in montreal you know this to be a fact of course everyone they actually give you on the pamphlet when you move there

if you have to make your own it's on the plaque on every street corner just so you know the real poutine you have a favorite poutine in montreal i don't you know i wasn't added to poutine when i was there like i don't know like la belle provence or there's like there's like a bunch of where have i been the banquise that was a place but i i wasn't i never loved poutine i'm more of a more of a bagel guy alex graham's t-shirt oh yeah the saint vietor yeah yeah but like i also say things i my part of my family they're anglophone montrealers so i say there's a thing that they do where they don't say the french accent version of the proper way they so they'd say saying saint vietor they say saint vietor jer. Yeah, it's a weird power move where they're like,

no, it's not St. Laurent, it's St. Lawrence. Oh, boy. You guys are going to meet each other on the Plains of Abraham and duke it out. Oh, yeah. I'll remember. Graham, what is going on with you? Well, here's two things.

One of them, I learned how to play Crokinole. Oh, this is a canadian game yeah i had only ever heard of it in that one moxie that's right yes and uh it's you know we're talking about jacob no i know that was gian gomeshi's band yeah she's banned he had there's a line in king of spain he says, we're playing Crokinole with the Princess of Monaco. Yeah. So that's the only time I've ever heard it.

My jokes to the OPEC leaders, gotta get all on video. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Boop-de-boop-de-boop-de-boop-boop. What is that? What is Crokinole? Well, see, that's the thing. When I was asked if i had played it before i just assumed it was a card game and i was like so i just said i'm not good i'd only

know poker that's the only card thing i know and they were like no no it's not card at all it's like is it kind of akin to bridge where there's like pins you put in holes or no marbles you put in holes that's what i thought secondarily and no it's like more like pool it's you have a croconile board looks it's like an octagon and in the middle there's a bunch of uh c-r-o-k-i-n-o-l-e yeah i think so and uh it's yeah so you have a table, and in the middle there's like a circle of kind of bumpers, and then there's a circle in the middle that's the size of the playing pieces, and you flick, you try to knock, it's kind of like curling. Like you're trying to knock the other people's out of that center.

And like... How big is the board? It's just like, you know know what a card table board would be maybe a little smaller okay so yeah you're like sitting around the the table and like the the whole trick is you know how strong or how softly to like shoot these discs at uh one another i like those kinds of games yeah i didn't know that i liked those types of games. I did very much enjoy it, but I didn't the thing was, there was somebody who knew

how to keep track of the score, so I didn't know, like I didn't have to learn that. How many people play? There was four, four at a time. And you all have a different colored puck? No, you're on blue team or red team. Oh, so four, two to two or two what kind of equipment

do you need for this like mostly it's the table you need the table and you need some discs that the things that you flick um so that's yeah it's i played it and it turns out i really i quite enjoyed it i liked it a lot but i don't know like i've never come across that in my whole life i've heard it i've maybe i've only heard of it from the moxie provis i did learn a lot from the moxie provis's catalog uh pizza pizza he uh is that band still going that they've like they separated themselves from i don't think they were still going at the for 10 years before maybe they got back together and did a tour like they're like now that loser is gone maybe we'll get together what have you seen this uh i see it in my instagram ads

it looks so fun i think it's called slinging puck. Okay. And it's like a, it seems like a drinking game where you like, uh, yeah, you gotta, you have to buy a wooden board. Yeah. That has like a little,

uh, it's got like a little slingshot elastic slingshot where you shoot little pucks through a tiny hole while your opponent is also trying to get their pucks through the tiny hole. And opponent is also trying to get their pucks through the tiny hole and whoever gets all their pucks through first makes the other one drink I guess

no you get to it feels like the problem with drinking games is the reward is I mean the punishment is a reward yeah it's a delicious reward so it's not a slingshot where you just throw a puck at someone. No, it's a different game. Yeah, that's assault.

Yeah, the game of assault. When I was a kid, we used to sing a song called Suffocation. It went, suffocation, super suffocation. Suffocation, what a game to play play first you take a pillowcase oh no wait uh what else what did you put first you take a pillow no i don't know these lyrics plastic bag first you take a garden hose then you shove it up your nose uh turn it on then you're gone suffocation super suffocation suffocation what a game to play first then you shove it up your nose uh turn it on then you're gone suffocation super suffocation suffocation what a game to play then you take a pillowcase then you put it on your face go to bed then you're dead suffocation i don't think that would work uh yeah a pillowcase on

your head i think you could live through that yeah like i'm also putting my face into a pillowcase every night then you take a bowling ball then you throw it down the hall hit your dad make him mad that assumes your dad is gonna suffocate yeah and also that he that he's an anti-bowler or you're lucky if that just makes him mad that's like a heavy ball yeah it's first of all he's you've broken his ankles but well if it's five pin you know i mean that little ball yeah that's true um i still wouldn't want one shot at me but uh no way man the last thing i mean maybe you could throw a little crokinole disc at me yeah well if anybody if you ever

are invited to play crokinole i i suggest you do yeah why would i turn that down i don't know you know like some things i when i thought it was a card game turn that down i don't know you know like some things i when i thought it was a card game i was like i don't want to learn rules of a card game i don't not interested in any of that i feel like if you're playing card games you might as well just have a nap because like why if you're gonna kill the same amount of time just go that's fair yeah um should we move on to some overheards sure hey kid your dad tell you about the time he broke steven dorf's nose at the kids choice awards in dead pilot society scripts that were developed by studios and networks but were never produced are given the table reads they deserve when i was was a kid, I had to spend my Christmas break filming a PSA about angel dust.

So yeah, being a kid sucks sometimes. Presented by Andrew Reich and Ben Blacker. Dead Pilots Society, twice a month on MaximumFun.org. You know, the show you like, that hobo with the scarf who lives in a magic dumpster.

Doctor Who Overheard Overheard if you go out there in that big wide world there's a lot of people jawing there's a lot of people just chattering away chewing the fat absolutely and if you can people jawing you know what i mean there's a lot of people just chattering away and chewing the fat absolutely um and if you can uh do this where you go and listen or you see something hilarious you

could see it and then report it back here to the podcast and we always like to start with the guest jacob would you please so i have an overseen okay uh we were we were this was maybe a year ago maybe more we were driving around in a neighborhood that we is we usually are never in and we saw like you know real estate sound like a house for sale and i don't remember the exact wording but it was like you know the house like for sale then it said like free pizza with purchase of house oh nice that's pretty good yeah that's cool i mean you're probably gonna want to eat a pizza anyway so celebrate buying the house so a lot of real estate people will put the they'll put a pizza in the oven to when they have an open house to get the kind of pizza smell going like who's that

an incentive for like oh no i put brussels sprouts boiling on the stove oh no i mean this house doesn't have that it doesn't have like the same square footage as the other one but that pizza yeah yeah that shit like it probably is like an excel you know extra large especially in a city where there are no houses under a million dollars yeah yeah like i can spare i could spare the 16 for a medium uh i got a pizza the other night and it it was wrong what the pizza i ordered it was completely wrong and i called the customer service and they were so good they were i don't know like i think because i said yeah that's fine just refund me the money and the woman said oh you're great so i guess she's been happy what uh what was wrong

how wrong was it was there meat on it yeah oh you can't have that no um but it was um was it a uh chain that oh uh panagopolis oh panago yeah panago um dave do you have an overheard yeah i like pizza garden oh yes yeah yes yeah that's uh you know it's it's you know it's not one of these uh you know brick fire ovens. That's the good stuff. But for a step down, it's pretty good. I think it's fantastic. It's a go-to. It's the anti-pizza pizza. Yeah.

It is, truly. Yeah, it's beating pizza pizza at their own game. So that's some free advertising for them. My overheard is this one. Oh my God. I updated my phone. And now every time I open an app, it's like, here's a, here's what's new in this app. Nothing.

Um, I was, uh, at a place with my daughter. Sure. I don't want to, I don't want to say where we were on people showing up asking for autographs. Sure. I don't want to say where we were. I don't want people showing up asking for autographs. Sure. And there was a guy, another dad was there and he had his dog tied up to the fence. And this woman was walking past and she had to like step over the leash because the dog was tied to the fence, but not right next to the fence.

So there was a little bit, she had to walk over the leash. She had to step over it and uh the dad was like oh sorry and she said never apologize for a dog and he he kind of chuckled and then she stepped over the leash and she totally tripped in like the worst way and went face first into the ground and he again said oh sorry and she was like oh no I should have seen that coming yeah just pay me for my broken nose for the reconstructive surgery never apologize for it

whoa oh man and that sucks too because you just talk to the person so there's no like yeah it's not like okay well i can't apologize i can oh man oh man they were aware of the hazard i already apologized for it uh i love it i love it um mine comes courtesy of uh uh the halloween store they gotta get uh you know they make up names so that they're not infringing on trademark but it's oh yeah and uh there was one that was very clearly a guy fieri costume and the name of it was a greasy man

i'm going as greasy man do you have anything for me i love that halloween store and the name of it was Greasy Man. I'm going as Greasy Man. Do you have anything for me? I love that Halloween store. It's only there, it comes at the beginning of September, but it's, It rules.

Like, I've taken my kids there like three times just to like, hey, let's walk around and try to get, you know, look at all the like weird, scary, you know, yard things that will never buy. Oh yeah, that jump out at you and that kind of stuff. Yeah. One time I was there and there was a kid who was not into it at all.

There was a kid who was very scared of all the things. Like an older kid. Yeah. 10 or something. And there's no way you can enter the store without going through this gauntlet of spiders jumping out at you and weird you have to want it you have to really want it yeah what do you think about other stores that do because like home depot would have like a giant like wolf man or skeleton yeah i like that move and you're just like i'm not here for halloween uh i saw a video

somebody screws of it was two skeletons and it's a man and wife getting married skeletons and the wife is holding up the man and they're singing i got you babe to each other it's it's pretty good it's not pretty that's fun yeah it's not it's not scary but it's spooky it's spooky it's fun i would like to meet the people who are coming up with these halloween animatronic things yeah yeah absolutely workshopping like okay here's what i'm thinking like it's a bat and it stay with me now it's got five catchphrases yeah it's uh here's what it's gonna sing it's got a top hat and uh you're like there's a fred astaire type our we have a doorbell uh that has an app it's an app like our doorbell has an app and uh we can on seasonal

really just halloween and christmas uh we can give it we can change the doorbell theme to whatever the seasonal option is. And for Halloween, there are three options. I mean, they're not even options. You choose Halloween, and there's a cycle that it goes through. Okay. The first is ding-dong. Nice. The next is ding-dong.

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. And the other one is the like bones song there's a bones song? like the knee bones connected to the other part of the leg bone right over my skull bone wow

can I do one more over her do yes absolutely yeah okay we want we want because this is something mbeth and i this has become like a big thing in our relationship is so tell me about mbeth this is i've only heard the name once before okay we know that she's an engineer we know that she's an engineer. We know that she plans to marry you. But the name, the name, is it short for something? No, uh, it's actually,

well, it's for her. It isn't specifically, it would, it's actually a concatenation of Emily and Elizabeth, but it like, I think concatenation. Yeah.

Yeah. I went to university. Yeah. No shit. I would have said that's the right word. Squish together. So as I say words and I'm like, I have no, yeah i went to university yeah no shit i would have said that's the right word squish together sometimes i say words and i'm like i have no i'm like 50 sure that that word is correct in this year i'm not gonna call you on it i think like her she had two grandmothers one wanted to call

her emily one wanted elizabeth and she was supposed to be the last child in her family and then they couldn't agree i don't know so then but m beth is a name it it's not very common it like there are other i think it's more of an english south african thing yeah but or hers is m apostrophe then beth oh so it's pretty it makes uh getting plane tickets a nightmare sorry honey i'm going alone um but so what happened so we have uh like our organics bag right uh tell me what that organic waste oh okay yes okay sure and so we we were using like these plastic ones and like someone in our strata was like oh you're not supposed to use those so we got paper ones instead and then mbeth bought like really big ones like for like a huge bag and so i decided i was like well i'm gonna use these still so i cut them so they would fit in our uh freezer

and it's like and it was great because i don't have to take them out very often and and i was saying to her i was like and i mumble sometimes uh and i said what i thought i said to her was like this is great that we have these now it's like a nice big low bag and what she said i actually said waselow bagelow so now we call that the bigelow bagelow i love it i love it um no we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map if you want to send one in send it into spy at maximum fun.org graham do you have what's your uh green bag situation uh they sell these green bags in uh

at costco by like a huge amount they come in a plastic kind of zip uh lock kind of thing and and they're just paper paper with wax on the inside, I guess. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I just use, like, lunch bags. Like, the lunch paper bags. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. And by the time you fill them up, they stick anyway. Yeah, exactly. Do you put them in the freezer?

I put mine in the fridge, yeah. No, freezer. Freezer is the key thing. Oh, my freezer's very small, though. I don't... That's ice cream place. You know, that's where I want ice cream to be, not stupid bags full of trash.

I should just start throwing it out the window. The compost bin, you can see it from our window. So I'm wondering if I could... It'd be like a three-pointer. It'd be like a four-pointer. Get a zip line. Oh, yes. Or a tube. Get a weird like pvc

pipe that would rule yeah or some kind of concatenation between the two yeah mbeth was saying so the i think she had a great point she was like why don't we have garbage chutes anymore in buildings i think i've been in buildings that do still have the garbage chute but it's not something you want to live right across from because any any number of times during the day it's opened and it smells like trash so because there's no way to like renovate it to be something else you know what i mean like oh it's a laundry chute now well why would i throw my laundry down there is everybody their laundry down there what's the situation how am i gonna get it back it's a laundry shoot now well why would i throw my laundry down there is everyone putting their laundry down there what's the situation how am i gonna get it back it's just a giant pile of laundry in a dumpster they just

um uh this first overheard comes from alec in vermont uh a man in the grocery store was standing next to the exit looking confused while comparing different bags of lettuce. As a random customer exited the store, the man stopped the customer and said, Hey, you don't have a bearded dragon, do you? I need to jumpstart my car. Yeah, man, I guess that's what they like to eat big piece of lettuce oh sure what is a rabbit right there's a lot of other things that's true yeah that's right slugs also people can eat them too lettuce yeah lettuce sorry people can eat it too yeah bearded krakens maybe he's making salad

for 12 nice yeah big salad party like you just it's got one course and it's salad and they just bring out another salad i i like a good salad but i never finish my lettuce when i buy lettuce no yeah it's a race against time yeah bananas will last longer than lettuce why don't you have a salad with no lettuce then like uh the mediterranean salads yeah dave uh well why don't i well yeah i what's in a mediterranean salad well you're talking cucumbers and olives um like a greek salad yeah cucumbers uh onions tomatoes yeah that sounds great herbs andbs and spices. Oh, that sounds wonderful. Herbs and spices.

Now you're talking KFC rules. Yeah. A little bit of chicken skin in there. The lettuce is just filler, you know? Yeah, it's true. It's true. It's just, yeah, it's never the star of the dish, as they would say on Big Bobby Flay. It does have the crunch factor, though. Yeah.

Yeah, you know what lettuce is pretty so does the cucumber touche yeah also a carrot lots of crunch to be had oh yeah um now this next one comes from gwen parts unknown but this is a three-year-old named anna and she's talking to all the parents that are out so anna's saying mommy and the mom says anna and she's talking to all the parents that are around. So Anna saying mommy and the mom says Anna and she goes, I love you. And then the mother says, I love you too. And it kind of goes on that way.

Auntie Gwen. Yes, Anna. I love you. I love you too. Daddy. Yes, Anna.

I love you. I love you too. Grandpa. Yes, Anna. Where's grandma? Pass along this message for grandma. love it yeah we we wish him the best but uh no yeah we've never connected as much as we could that's a kid trying to not go to bed

that's right create some kind of diversion yes i would like to individually tell everyone i love them yeah i guess that's kids are always just trying to buy a little more time awake and it's hilarious can you imagine now being like well i'm gonna put off bedtime for another hour i'm so excited to be awake yeah oh no one's gonna make me turn off my lights yet i'm gonna read well it's the mystery but i think it's like the mystery because you're like i don't know what i never see what happens in these hours it could be like crazy yeah i i remember that feeling and you know like staying up after midnight but the mystery is over after one time yeah yeah exactly it's like when you've never been in a bar before and you're like what happens in there but like i remember as a kid watch like turning on tv and watching it at one in the morning and being like wow this is a whole different world like infomercials and late night talk shows and i remember staying up all night

and being like oh fuck someone delivered the paper at four in the morning a grown man in a like a hatchback that's always unsettling when you stay up late enough that you see the sun yeah that's especially when you're not doing it as like a party yeah like you're doing it just as and you know let's test my own insomnia yeah exactly or you're writing a term paper but you know what i'm not gonna rule it out as a thing that might not happen again um yeah i'd like graham yeah i i want 10 000 words okay the franco-prussian war by the by yesterday uh jacob i need your help i need you to turn your history knowledge

on for me to well this was one of the uh this was the pointy helmet era of the uh so it's like pre-german military yes when they still had the the pointy uh helmets yeah i love it see he's only got about a thousand words there so yeah um oh yeah this last one comes from uh katie uh this is in colorado uh it's a picture of the back of the truck the like window on the back of the truck where the bed is and it's a uh it says colorado's first realistic sex doll rental service clean professional discreet you're not sure if you want to pull trigger on one yeah just rent one for the weekend though i'm on a rent to own plan yeah oh boy this one's in colorado i was a i live in utah but i'm willing to cross state line you know what though that's

good copywriting because like they're really we're they're addressing what probably are the major concerns of yeah style uh customer yeah i just picture like somebody like putting a sex doll on layaway like i just picture someone renting it and like the uh like the alarm going off you're our millionth customer oh i kind of don't want to have this have sex with this doll anymore you know what i will i will really quick but uh we take a picture for our social media i like how they say though it's like it's colorado's first because that implies that they've done their research yeah they've looked around established 1819 when we started this podcast we the copy for it says vancouver's top comedy podcast question mark.

And it's very hard to change that in every aggregator. So in a lot of places we are. We have to change our post office box address because the store has moved. There's a closer

UPS store. I know, but I like going up the old neighborhood having a snack. Well, we have to now, right? Yeah. Yes. What would you get in the old neighborhood? Where would you go? Brecca?

I'd go to Brecca. I would go to, there's a great Indian restaurant. There's a great Chinese restaurant. Which Brecca? The one way, way, way up on Fraser. South, south, south. i think it was the original yeah that's where i used to go get across the street from there's where i used to get my uh passport photos but they just closed that place just closed shit that's i feel you know the good news is i got a 10-year passport so i have 10 years to find a new

place um you won't need it by the time we're in the metaverse you'll just have a qr that's true yeah i'll just put on my weird little uh one piece of black turtleneck costume or whatever and then i'm in the verse in addition overhears that are by the way the day we're recording this facebook has rebranded as meta yeah it's a little bit meta if you ask that's kind of what we're talking about guys it can only be good yeah yeah exactly this is only a sign of better things to come they're veering into something not veering away from something bad they've clearly heard the main complaints about them which is their name yeah

literally the most memorable thing about the social network when they branded themselves facebook yeah instead of the facebook yeah but now it's going to be the metaverse or it's just yeah just the meta it's cleaner in addition overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have.

Hey, Dave Graham and statistically probable guest. This is Dalton from South San Francisco. Gotten overheard for you. I was just in a 7-Ele uh just by the way happy episodes yes and also and a guy walks in and he asked the cashier he says hey you guys have a pedialyte and the cashier was kind of confused it's like huh is yeah pedialyte the baby juice pretty good well off I go he hyped his own

his own overheard that was pretty good I've never had Pedialyte it's like like Gatorade for kids nice Pedialyte that should be the name of the adult one and Gatorade should beatorade for kids yeah nice well you know what like pedialyte that should be the name of the adult one and gatorade should be the one for kids because that sounds like more fun to drink gatorade

than pedialyte we've had we bought pedialyte uh like um freezies oh yeah popsicles uh they're more but you know when you're when your kids sick they don't even feel like drinking feel like eating popsicles yeah yeah when they're truly sick enough that you want them to have fluids they don't think it's fun yeah and also does that ruin popsicles for you if uh in the future like if you say want want a popsicle, they're like, I don't want to, uh, reinforce my stomach wall. What does it do? Push this stuff through. What is it?

What a peel I do? Yeah. It, uh, replenishes your electrolyte. Cause you were doing a baby triathlon or something like that. And maybe, yeah,

cause I was doing the, uh, the baby, uh, Centurion where we do a shot of beer once an hour. They do a shot of milk. That's so cute. Next phone call.

Hey, y'all. I'm in Vancouver with an overseen. Just walking down Hastings by this weird high-end woodworking place. And it has big open windows, and so we popped our kind of snoots in there to see where we could be, expecting to see some like craftsmanship on display. Instead two guys boxing in weird looking like turn of the century

dusty boxing gloves with a stern Russian man judging them. Have a great day. Oh man. I guess I'm going to have to walk up and down Hastings Street to find this place. Yeah and pop your snoot into one of these high end working

I'm just here to dust off my snuff box and uh maybe do some pugilism with a young man if I could yeah I want to know do they have the old style fists it's like under

it's like when drummers play like not holding yeah yeah they're doing jazz boxing man the first the first boxer who started punching normally must have just destroyed people right everyone's like no this is how you punch you hold your wrists up to the sky yeah yeah exactly and they they're like, oh, this is how it's been. And then this guy revolutionized the game. Wow. What if you step into a punch? Just really kind of like punch through the guy.

Oh, good Lord. What would the Marcus of Queensbury say? My mustache is unraveled. And here's your final phone call. You stop podcasting yourself. I have a... So I agreed to watch my friend's three-year-old because today was the day off of preschool,

but they didn't have the day off of work. And I guess before he came over, he said his stomach hurt. So his dad asked him, like, oh oh bud, do you need to go poop? And he said, no, Griffin has a toilet at his house. I'll go there. And his dad said,

well buddy, if you go here, I can wipe your butt. And he goes, no. He kind of drops his voice and goes, Griffin's mommy is really good at wiping my butt. Oh wow.

I have. Never wipe this kid's butt, but I will take credit where I can get it. Have a good one. Yeah, you know, like if you do something worth doing, you might as well do it well. Yeah, find

something you love and you'll never work a day in your life wiping this kid's butt. That kid wants the best, you know. Yeah. Also, if you want if That kid wants the best, you know? Yeah. Also, if you want, if you really want the best, there's this place in Colorado I could recommend. I just

pictured the kid going on an app, trying to be like, who's Uber for mom butts in my area? Yeah. They've quoted a good price. They're not doing search pricing. You're just swiping left at all these wipers.

Swipe on the wipe. Swiping and wiping. Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Jacob, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. First of all uh where can people first of all where can people find out about your stand-up comedy um on any any streaming platform

i have an album out called uh horsepower that's two words okay horse and then power so spotify apple music uh and this is this is the album that won the juno award for the best comedy album in canada correct that which is an outstanding achievement it's so cool that that happened and and well deserved um thank you thank you and where can people if they want to see your some of your cartoon work where can they go on my two places on my instagram uh which is at uh by jacob samuel so by jacob samuel okay i have all kinds of it's pretty much only cartoons and i also have a book uh you can also get on amazon called slinky hell yeah yeah and i have that book and it's great so funny thank you um yeah it's a great gift yeah that's true and you

know what that time you're coming up coming around remember and stay remember to get your gifts exactly um and uh all you people out there thanks for listening um you know what go in around your neighborhood see what kind of weird mushrooms are growing close to you yeah yeah and eat them without looking into it yes absolutely just these ones are so big like they would be a meal like you would not not only would you get sick but you'd get full we can't extract that much poison out of your stomach so yeah um yeah so thanks for listening take care of yourself and we'll see you here next week on stop podcasting yourself.