Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 714 - Courtney Gilmour

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

Comedian Courtney Gilmour joins us to talk fictional couples, dentists, and community theatre.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 714 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I was lucky enough to run into last night while eating a Vietnamese sub outside in the cold, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, well you told me you were going to. I didn't... you had ordered it, but I hadn't received it.

That's true, but I was like, make it casual. Make it look like you're just running into me because, oh, you mean the sandwich? Yeah. I didn't order you to do that. No, you didn't. I didn't see. You told me you were getting a sandwich. You told me you were getting Vietnamese food, but I didn't see it yet. I took some photos.

I'll send you over a photo. Well, I mean, I don't need to see a photo. It's just that you made it seem like I ran into you while you were eating the sub. I never saw this sub. That's what you say under oath. Yeah. I never saw this sub. But you were on your way to see a movie.

Did you see the movie? Are you saving that for later? Oh, yeah. Sure. We'll talk about that in a bit. Sure. Our guest today, a first-time guest here on the podcast. She has a podcast of her own called x rated

it's courtney gilmore hello hi hello how are you i'm good nice to see you guys nice to see you as well thank you for having me of course thank you for being on the show this is great um and tell us a little bit like we were talking about what the premise of your podcast is. First of all, how do you spell X? It's rated X and it's spelled E-X. And that's because it's a podcast that I started with my ex-boyfriend during lockdown. He and I are very, very good friends. And so every podcast episode, we rate and review fictional relationships from tv and

movies iconic couples we got the ross and rachel's we got the classic we got the jack and rose and yeah so it's called rated x and it's pretty fun so far what's your favorite of the couples that you've done or that you want to do um i mean some of the worst ones are the best to watch. Like Twilight is pretty bad, but also fun. Fifty Shades of Grey was an interesting one. It is interesting to go back to, like we'll watch TV shows from the 90s or something. And either one or both of us haven't seen them. And so Gilmore girls is a really popular

show and we get a lot of listeners from that one for when we cover the couples in gilmore girls but i hadn't seen it ever and me neither and dan right i know and but it's very popular and dan grew up sort of watching it and people who are big fans it's like a nostalgic thing for them and then i come in now watching it during the pandemic i'm like what is this like yeah like it's not it's not bad it's just that like i i i'm more i'm more critical to things that other people like fans overlook because they're just too attached to it with their heart right and so um it's so interesting we have a lot of that back and forth we and then we have season finale playoffs where we take at the season finale we take the two top scoring couples and pit them against each other to see who's the best who are

the top scoring couple yeah so this season was really weird because it was phoebe and mike from friends is mike paul rudd yes okay versus anne shirley and gilbert blythe from anne of green gables which are centuries apart and and it was a that was a wild ride having to compare the two like well one of them broke a slate over the other's head um one of them keeps rats in a box as a pet like yeah yeah that's true man i don't know it'd be too close to call it was it was really close but yeah and then on our patreon we do worse couples for the people who subscribe to the patreon we do the top the two lowest scoring couples go against each other so we had bella and edward from twilight versus christian gray and anastasia from 50 shades of gray that one was that's a fun one i mean it's almost it's excruciating for us sometimes because they're

so bad right i don't know who i would pick out of those two because the one pair is a vampire. Yeah. You don't want to mix it up with them. No. Well, only one of them is a vampire. No, she becomes a vampire too. No, I don't think so. Yeah, she does.

She becomes a vampire later. Vampirism is a STD. Yes. Yeah, it is. Because before that, she was in high school and he was 100. Mm- Yes. Yeah, it is. Because before that she was in high school and he was a hundred. Yeah, they had so little to talk about. He's like, oh, have you heard

Beethoven's Fifth? It just came out. He thinks it just came out? Yeah, and he doesn't stop going to high school. He's just always in high school. It's very strange.'s weird yeah i mean he could really probably chart the trends and knows what what's gonna come no he couldn't he still thinks beethoven's fifth just came out he's really just hyped about beethoven when they made

a side note okay let's get to know us yes it's killing me that we had a jingle to play that was just dangling in the air but i don't want to leave this topic okay first of all did they make five beethoven movies or like when they were making the beethoven's movies did they make oh yeah are you talking about the dog one the dog movie yeah i i feel like there's probably five of them if not wasted opportunity yeah is that what you're saying they made at least two but like yeah you gotta know while they're making the second one they're like we gotta do the fifth yeah i feel like there must be more than two yeah i. Someone's got to look this up. I loved those movies, though. Beethoven.

Oh, well, you know what they called? Yes, absolutely. Okay. Oh, okay. Well, the sequel is Beethoven's Second. Okay. Could you tell me how any of Beethoven's symphonies go? Beethoven's Fifth is... Yeah is and that's it

but I don't know Beethoven's second they made Beethoven's third, Beethoven's fourth Beethoven's fifth in 2003 nice Beethoven's big break, Beethoven's Christmas and Beethoven's treasure tale I thought it said treasure trail and I was like

Beethoven's cubes from his belly button? That's Beethoven porn. Yeah, exactly. That's X-rated. Oh my God. Okay, so you didn't grow up watching Gilmore Girls. What did you grow up watching? I grew up watching Friends, Seinfeld, Frasier,

all the Thursday night must- see tv lineups hell yeah um i grew up watching uh in canada a lot of ytv so the hit like the zone the hit list with tarzan dan we loved much music and ytv so if we weren't watching like weird shows on much music like video on trial and some of our friends you know that i grew up watching i didn't even grow up because i think i was like in my early 20s when video on trial was like well underway but it feels so long ago and then i saw comedians who i now work with on that show and yeah it's like a starstruck thing for me to you were on video on trial yeah and they all got rich from that show they yeah it's like a star struck thing for me to what you were on video on trial yeah and they all got rich from that they all got so rich and live in such huge mansions in yorkville

um yeah i'm surprised i'm always surprised how many mansions there are in yorkville every time i'm there for anyone not from can Video on Trial was a show where they would get comedians. You'd have your Debra DiGiovanni's, your Sabrina Jalise's, and, you know, Fraser Young. Yeah,

Fraser Young, Hunter Collins. They would, they would watch contemporary music videos and make fun of them. Yeah, crack wise. It was awesome. They would just roast,

they would play the whole music video and then intermittently have the comedians roast what was going on. And it was so fun and I loved it. And now, and look at,

and now we're playing Yuck Yucks in Oshawa, all of us together. Well, that was the ultimate dream was to step, one step after the other to get to Oshawa and then,

you know, the World's Heroes. Where did you grow up, you know, the World's Hero Academia. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Kitchener, Waterloo. Kitchener hyphen Waterloo. Where did, on your cable package, how far apart were Much Music and YTV? This is an excellent question. YTV, are you asking me the channels?

Yes. Yeah, YTV was channel 25, and Much Music was channel 29. Wow, that was the same here. Same here. Okay. And I was in Alberta, so that was the first one. But I feel like when Much Music first started, it was 24. Was it?

Oh, that wasn't my era. Yeah, where we came from. Okay. Around here. And you would go 24, And then Much Music was 29. Much More Music or Music Plus was 35. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And so it eventually became 36, I believe. Much More Music. And that was just all straight up Sarah McLachlan, Paula Cole, Jewel. Maybe Two Princes if you're lucky. Remember those commercials for women in song yes i love those from like lilith fair i believe they were compilations from that all women's music festival yeah all the like it was uh alanis morissette yeah but it was was it ever bands or was it just solo artists um oh i think there were bands because wasn't that remember um that band that

canadian band um wild strawberries yeah they on it i don't know maybe the main girl i don't know yeah it's women and songs we had to get rid of the rest of the band and just have the main girl from wild strawberries i believe i gave that cd uh more than once to my mother for Mother's Day. Oh, of course. Well, they had multiple. You didn't get the same CD. No, no, different iterations. They had volumes two and three. Graham and I did a different podcast a few years ago where we wrote songs. We tried to be serious songwriters.

Okay. And we only did one season because, well, I mean, the results speak for themselves. But in the back of my mind, I always wanted season two to be our debut album, season two, Dave and Graham and women and songs. And just have a different woman come on every time and write a song with us. I love that idea. One week it's Kim Stockwood. One week it's Holly Cole. Sure.

Got to get Jan on there. Jan gets Melanis, Chantal Kravjic. Yeah. Sure, Amanda Marshall. Amanda Marshall. Where did she go? I love Amanda Marshall. Birmingham.

That was her song. Wasn't there like a real punk rocky gal that was a canadian gal from that same era oh man this is gonna kill like avril avril no not avril pfee dobson pfee dobson that's it thank you sky sweeten them she's a judge i believe on drag race now yeah oh okay yeah he's doing well she's doing well yeah pfee dobs mean, she did well then, but I still felt she was highly underrated. I loved Fifi Dobson. Yeah. You think we as a country did her dirty?

We slept on her. We slept on her. We put her video on trial. We were so busy pushing Avril because Avril was the it girl. She was. I remember she'd always do interviews and she'd be like i'm not i'm not punk i can't believe i can't remember if she would say she was or wasn't punk but she said it in a way that she's like i don't care i'm not maybe i am no she was maybe

not punk she was saying that she's not punk made her punk yeah it's the never-ending loop can i say that i'm punk you know the paradox are you punk if you ever say it or is it the delivery the tone the inflection or can you just or do you just have to be very blasé and nonchalant and you can't you can't acknowledge your your punkness well check this out guys i'm not punk that is the most punk rock thing i've ever heard i know yeah oh man dave's punk this guy puts the punk in punk and spice lattes do you remember the much music video awards where avril avril like flashed all the uh people on the not flashed, mooned rather. Oh, no.

I don't remember that at all. How did that slip my memory? I don't know. She mooned like live? Like on the red carpet. She like gave a full moon. If there had been a window there, she would have done pressed M.

There had been a window there she would have done pressed am oh that there had been a window there mischievous little princess that's punk people on the red carpet come on do you think marrying chad kroger is punk because it's so far away from me it's subversive very few people are doing it so no and they're the but you know i think that nickelback gets way too much i'm not like you know here it comes i think that i'm not a i'm not a fan but like i think they what did they do to people you know they're just doing their thing yeah that's true they didn't like ruin anything for anybody they just know but once you start that train like it once it it it snowballs though and you're the butt of the joke i think it just picks up and it has a life of its own so yeah nickelback is the punchline so but like they they were you know punchline all the way to the bank or

however you would phrase it yeah yeah they were, yeah. They were fun. They, going back to your podcast where you rate fictional couples, you were saying off air how now you have homework every week. You have to watch shows

that you don't necessarily want to watch and movies. I was, it just occurred to me you could have much shorter homework if you just did couples

from songs yeah that's not the boy and the girl yeah oh my gosh that actually is an amazing idea well i'm full of them maybe we could have a segment to do that or do it on our patreon or just yeah i oh i love that yeah we definitely could do that jack and diane do it on the patreon like because that's like a fun offshoot to be like just couples who's who would be the top jack and diane is jack and diane uh taylor swift and the guy from uh love story oh yeah and then her and harry styles anyone yeah yeah i guess you could do taylor swift she gets around i i hear i like why is that that's suddenly coming back into vogue? Like people are talking about,

oh, Taylor will write a song about you if you date her. Like, yeah, we know. This has always been the famous thing about her. It's been her thing. I mean, I know. And she's dated a lot. I honestly think that, and I'm sure it's magnified. I'm pretty sure I've dated as many people as she has in my 20s,

but I wasn't in the public for it. So nobody knows. But you still keep a tally that you know that you're about even. Yeah, yeah. I always want to make sure I'm keeping up with Taylor. Yes. I don't want her to upstage me. I have jokes about every single ex.

No, I don't. Yeah, you wouldn't see Taylor sitting down with John Mayer and creating a podcast together, you know? But I would. Yeah, that actually is a good idea. The song thing. I think I like the idea of Avril and the Sk8er Boi because it's sort of like this nebulous. Like, you don't know who that is. It's also like this prototype.

Oh, yeah. No, she is with them at the end. She says, I'm with the Sk8er Boi. Yeah, that's right. No, but what I mean is it's also like just oh yeah no she is with them at the end she says i'm with the skater boy yeah that's right no but i mean what i mean is it's like it's like a it's a character like you don't she didn't name him or you don't have an idea of like who it actually is but it's just the idea that it's like the skater boy um is really funny to me i would definitely be doing that would benny and the jets does that count if it's benny i think they're a they're a couple i mean i think i would want to really do a deep dive into the baby it's cold outside couple there's a lot going on in that relationship i would yeah maybe the couple from i would do anything for love but i won't do that yeah yeah

or the um shaggy It Wasn't Me. Yeah, that's true. Excellent. That's scandalous. Yeah, Bryan Adams and Sporty Spice, Baby When You're Gone. Baby When You're Gone! I love that song. I think they're just being themselves.

Yeah, that's true. Not that they dated, but maybe they did. Maybe they did. Maybe they had an on-set romance from the one day of shooting. Just a one- one shoot fling. And they just never, they just think about it fondly. It didn't end badly, it just had to end. And even food don't taste that good.

When she, the food, he was in the upstairs part and she was downstairs. And then they were just really missing each other during those scenes. That was such a fun, that was such a good song. What a wholesome, just an I miss you song. That's what that was such a fun that was such a good song what a wholesome just uh an i miss you song that's what that was yeah yeah exactly um yeah also not a not a an obvious pairing even for the time yeah no but you know like it's one of those things i think where you bump into somebody at a party or something and then you just you know hit it off and you're like let's do something together and then that's it.

They're not going to tour. Well, if they did tour, that would be pretty cool. If they wrote a whole album together and then toured. Because we all like that one song. Why wouldn't we like other songs by them? You know what I mean? I do think that they should reunite and do another one. Yeah, that does seem to be like the musician equivalent of you should be on my podcast is we should do a song yeah

i want to do a podcast version of frank sinatra's duets where i record my stuff all on my own and then bono has to come on and record his half of the podcast. I also like that they didn't even make a point of trying to have the two of them in the music video. It's just Bono and then Frank Sinatra on a screen. Like he's a ghost because he was still alive, wasn't he? When this was all going on. I'm not familiar with this reference. Oh, this is Frank Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra. Okay. He's a picture of board. Now picture the chairman of it. There you go. What color and age are his eyes? They're old and blue. Yeah.

In the early 90s, he put out an album of duets of his hit songs with a bunch of contemporary singers. So Bono. Bono. Bono and probably other people who are 60. Bono. Natalie Cole. Why is Bono the only one I can remember? Avril. Avril and him did one of her

songs and then they did one of his songs. Okay, Frank Sinatra duets. Here we go weird al the yes they sing a parody of frank sinatra's song yeah he's got my way it's by way or something like but frank sinatra's not in on the joke so he's doing regular lyrics and then weird al trades off a verse or it's all just like and now i'm on a byway or a highway let's do highway oh boy okay what do we got the lady is a tramp with luther vandross okay okay what now my love with aretha franklin oh that's a big

okay that's huge i've got a crush on you barbara streisand these are all huge summer wind julio iglesias okay come rain or come shine gloria estefan oh miami sound machine herself new york new york with the Jerky Boys. They phone theirs in? Those are big guns. Those are big names. I was hoping to hear like Chumbawamba. No, it's Tony Bennett, Natalie Cole, Charles Aznavour.

I don't know who that is. Carly Simon, Liza Minnelli, Anita Baker, Bono, and Kenny G. Wow. Wow, that's great. Maybe they did a second one, duets too. Is that anyone? No, they're all still big names. But that was a craze,'t it because didn't like nat king

cole didn't he do one with his daughter natalie cole yeah i mean he was dead at the time he was dead at the time that's right he has risen from the grave he has risen indeed but how old was how old was frank sinatra when he died was he he was like was he old he was yeah he was old he was wearing a toupee at the end for sure okay underneath that hat he was 82 okay oh that's a pretty substantial okay so i just found out the other day i didn't know that james dean died when he was 24 yeah and when you google image pictures of him easily could pass for 56 in some of them i've never seen a james dean movie i've only ever you know it's like his legacy it carries on that the name is familiar but um but he looks i'm at a diner one night with uh marilyn and you'll never guess who was behind the bar. Elvis. What a night.

What a night for you at the diner. But you're right. He plays a teenager in the most famous movie that he did, which is Rob without a cause. He plays a teenager, and you're right. There's a scene when he's arguing with his dad, and it looks like two old men arguing at each other. But he's undeniably a teenager. Yes, he's a teenager.

I said 56. That's an overshot. I was exaggerating. If you honestly google him right now, the first few image results that come, he looks like he's in his 40s. That's a smoking PSA, I feel.

Did he smoke? They all smoked yeah there's pictures of him with the cigarette i mean curtains should just come with a picture of james dean and be like yeah he looks good but he was 24 here and i hate to break it to you but like i think a diseased lung is better no just like a really handsome guy on a bad day i i totally disagree i think if you have a handsome guy and be like look at him he does look amazing but he's 24 nobody but like nobody's handsome enough to be that affected by it like there's like two people who are good looking enough to be turned off by oh i'm actually i am really good looking i better not yeah and then it comes with a little mirror on the side

so you get a chance to look at your face. Yeah, exactly. I think this is a good idea. I think we should try it. I think it's a tactic. Because, like, people are still... I'll call my people at Marlboro and I'll have them do up the boxes.

You can just run and buy them. They've done crazier things. That's true. In their commercials and stuff. I'm sure if they could get their hands on the estate of james dean they would they would launch a whole different product line just for james dean because he's so he's eternally cool they're dying for when he's like goes into the public domain do you think he actually ever said that like live fast die young, drink Pepsi. What are these?

He said, uh-huh, uh-huh, you got the right one, baby. Diet Pepsi. As James Dean famously said, is Pepsi okay? He was the very first to say it. Yeah, it was when he was a waiter. But, like, because he is't another movie called east of eden where he like growth like he he starts as a young man and then ends as an elderly man but you're right when he's young he doesn't it doesn't seem like it's that far a jump like he does look like he's about you know late 30s early 40s and then the prosthetics

have to get more and more but like there's no scene where he's 16. But back then, their prosthetics were so good. Yeah, I mean... They would just actually lock you in a room and make you smoke a carton of cigarettes. Courtney, did you ever smoke?

I had a summer of menthols. A summer of menthols? I had one summer it was so melodramatic because i had just broken up with a guy who was a smoker and i was just very familiar with him smoking around me and in like this uh very like wistful phase i was in where i was like i kind of miss him and his scent i start hanging out with smokers or just like i just fully decided to take up smoking for a few months in the summer and i really liked menthols i still i've honestly if smoking wasn't so bad for you, I did like the habit of it because cigarettes taste really good with coffee. And I don't know what it is about that combination, but it really is as good as they say. And from May to August 2010, I had quite the cigarette and coffee summer.

Yeah. What a free living loose kind of time that was. That sounds great. And it was longer than we had dated. I smoked longer than the relationship lasted. What is, so a menthol, I've seen them. They're illegal now. Okay.

Because why? Because kids like to smoke them because they taste good? Because you're not allowed to sell flavored tobacco i believe in canada at least i think it's still legal in the states or in some states and other countries but you can't have menthol flavored cigarettes because it's too appealing i guess it's the same with hookah oh yeah with hookah yeah well hookah i want you walk by like a hookah bar the two times in my life i have and it smells different than cigarettes like it smells uh very nice do menthols taste different and smell different or do they just taste different we're like because i don't think

i've ever walked past someone and be like minty yeah i think it's more the taste than it is the the scent they definitely taste minty i don't know that you could smell them i'm not sure i don't really remember but it's definitely um a taste yeah did you ever smoke menthols i uh like i definitely smoked one or two but uh immediately if i had just smoked menthols i would have quit almost instantly but uh because i did not like it at all what did you now you chewed gum and continue to chew gum every day yes transitioning out of smoking did you was there ever any overlap did you ever have minty gum while smoking a cigarette i mean that would have been the double header that we were all hoping for but yeah uh no no i didn't i was only smoking back then and

no gum i don't maybe after i smoked i'd pop a piece of gum in just to even things out but you ever uh drink ice water while uh chewing gum and the gum gets all hard yes yeah and i love it all right yeah what do you guys think of the flavor mint just in general and potentially combinations of mint with other things i love mint i stand mint i love it okay yeah it's delicious we stand a minty king i love it in gum i love it in toothpaste i have a mint plant that I grow and it grows like a weed. You need to take no, you just keep it in a pot. Otherwise it'll go everywhere. Yeah.

It loves to grow. And then I pull like four sprigs of mint off a year out of a thousand that grow. I love that. And I'm like, oh, maybe I'll, you know, make a little watermelon cucumber salad. Yeah. That's so lovely. Well. What is your, what's your mint vibe? What's your take on it cucumber salad. Yeah. That's so lovely. Well, what is your, what's your mint vibe?

What's your take on it? Well, yeah. I, the reason why I asked is because, um, mint, I really like mint and chocolate and that seems to be to split the room sometimes. That seems to be a divisive pairing, but I think it's, I think it's a good one. I think it's amazing. Absolutely. Yeah. It rules. Yeah.

It's great. And's a good one. I think it's amazing. Absolutely. Yeah, it rules. Yeah, it's great. And I don't understand. Listen, I love arguing about food only because I just love petty arguments. I don't go anywhere. It's very entertaining to me. But I know that at the end of the day, I'm not going to convince you to like something that you don't like. But I can at least point out if your argument is stupid and so i don't understand when people say that it's like that mint chocolate ice cream is like toothpaste it's like eating chocolate with

toothpaste because it's not because toothpaste is toothpaste it's it's it's its own thing that just is mint flavored but it's like goopy and gelatinous it's not that's not what mint chocolate ice cream is but if being totally honest if i if i uh just had some chocolate and then right brush my teeth right away i'd probably love it yeah yeah or if like so yeah if i didn't have any gum and i like had a bad taste in my mouth i'd be like oh we do have that mint chocolate chip ice cream. Put a little behind your ear. They should make toothpaste that's chocolate mint flavor, honestly.

I bet they do. I think they make fluoride that's chocolate mint flavor. Really? At the dentist. I'd be worried about putting a flavor I love so much out there to be mucked around by fluoride or something like that. out there to be mucked around by fluoride or something like that like you know like bubble gum to me that was like and bubble gum doesn't even really taste like bubble gum but you could get like bubble gum toothpaste yeah as i was like a teenager i feel like they got more flavors of fluoride that they would put in little trays in your mouth yeah and keep them there for five minutes and they would like list off a dozen flavors and you'd be like wait i you that was too many uh tutti frutti you got you got overwhelmed by selection yeah and then now it's just like they

you don't they don't do the trays anymore you just rinse with it oh you know what happened to me at one time i went to the dentist in the past year is they painted on some sort of fluoride thing. Oh. And it was the grossest feeling. It was like they had put hair on every single tooth. Oh, no. And they said, like, there was nothing you could do. Like, you couldn't rinse it off. It just had to dissolve on its own. And I was like.

Oh, gosh. But then I was like, I've never heard anybody else having to go through this. So do you think they just put nail polish on my teeth to make them look a little whiter? My kids have, they're spoiled. And they each have their own toothpaste. And one of them is blueberry and one of them is strawberry. And the other day they were like, I want to try some of your toothpaste. I want some of that minty stuff.

And they thought it was the craziest feeling to have like. they were like oh smell my breath is it cold like they think they thought i would be able to feel the cold from their mouth oh that's so cute yeah discovered there they discovered mint and you got to witness them discovering mint that's and i was like yeah yeah yeah i mean if you get too warm you should breathe into like a jar and then rub the cold mint jar on your armpit i figured it out that was a real thing by gum companies trying to like equate gum with cold cold dentine ice yeah and like that you would bite into a piece of excel and then everything would frost up or ice up. Yeah. That was a big campaign.

Yeah. But why? Why did gum decide like cold is what we're what we're going to be? Because like cinnamon gum had to be hot. Right. I guess that's the only hot gum when I think about it. But you do associate like I do associate mint and menthol with coldness. Do you not? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Like if you're eating a peppermint patty or junior mints, like it does feel cold in the middle. Yeah.

But yeah, it's like they wanted us to really want, they really leaned into the freeze. Yeah. Of that. Yeah. And the Dentine ice commercials, like they would show like the breath and then, yeah, you're right. And then everything would like turn to frost. You're do you think that we're this is why we chew this gum it's like to be cold this shit's the coldest am i misremembering was there a commercial where a guy chewed the gum and his head got so cold that it broke off his body and he could still

blink that's what i was visualizing something And was it past guest Ryan Belville? Oh my God. Oh my God. I think so. I think so. He definitely was in a commercial like that. Well, Ryan, if it's you, call us. To talk about this.

The cold. Just leave a message. Yeah, leave a message. And if you have any opinions on duets, we would like to hear those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But did you, at the dentist, did you guys ever, you know, I was always jealous of people who got the laughing gas. I've never had the laughing gas. It seems so appealing.

Yeah. They just give me farting gas. Yeah, what the hell? That's mean. I don't know, man. Yeah, they, like. But it comes out tutti-free. that's mean I don't know man yeah they like but it comes out tootie free

I wasn't even in the chair I was waiting for my mom to get her teeth done yeah I had a friend who got a tank of it and then was handing it out a tank?

yeah like for his 21st birthday and he just he filled up so many balloons with it and just handed out the balloons and then you you breathed it in and you got crazy high and and that was like a big party like i think everybody there did it was it it was laughing gas or or um is that different from what comes in like the the canisters of uh whipped cream yeah is it that i don't know what that that's like condensed something or other condensed milk yeah that's that's cream yeah this is the funniest thing i've ever i'm imagining so a guy like inviting a girl over like hey my buddy's got a tank of laughing gas you want to check out this check out this party on friday oh he's got a keg it's filled with gas

he'll put it in a red solo cup that's so funny i've never been i like i've seen ads for dentists where they will just knock you out for a regular cleaning. Oh, yeah. I'll do that. I want them to kill me. Yes. Can you please just kill me while you clean? No way. I am 100% supportive of that. My mom does that.

But I mean, you have to pay extra for that, I believe, like the anesthesia. Yeah. So I don't got that anesthesia money yet but my mom in her 60s she's because she's been to you know so many um just excruciating dental visits that every time she has to have any procedure no matter how benign no matter how uh um you know like small high yeah small she, she'll pay to be just knocked out. And I would, yeah,

I would, if that was an option that you could just be knocked out, like just have an hour off where you don't have to do anything, worry about picking up groceries or anything. Yeah. Just, just to be knocked out. To be knocked out.

To knock it. Just to be knocked out. To be knocked out. Just for an afternoon. Just a couple hours. That's all I'm asking. Yeah, that's all I want. Exactly. I don't want to be like unconscious all day.

Just to get away from it all. Can you imagine? Like a tanning bed, but you go in and they just knock you out. I can't think of anything. like a tanning bed but you go in and they just knock you out you put all your stuff in a little locker and then you pass out on the ground yeah then you just you just out yeah yeah yeah good night did you uh did you have to get your wisdom teeth out at any point oh Oh, my gosh, I did. And you know what? It's so insane.

So when I was in college, I had to have corrective jaw surgery. Oh. Because I had not an over. It wasn't even like an over. It was like my jaws were just like not aligned properly. And it wasn't terribly noticeable except for when I was eating and the dentists were like, this is going to get worse over time.

So we have to break your jaw, move it forward. So I went to, um, the hospital for this. And the day before surgery, they do a bunch of x-rays and then they explain to you what they're going to do.

And it's a pretty extensive surgery in the sense that recoup time is like a six week liquid diet. Oh, wow. Lots of codeine. Yeah. And some people get their mouth wired shut. I was not one of those people, but I had to have a liquid diet for like two months. But you can only smoke menthols. Yeah.

Yeah. I lost a lot of weight and there was and I really developed a disdain for boost milkshakes. Yeah, that's true. I keep it as a holiday treat, but yeah, if I had too much. Yeah,

I got some PTSD every time I see that in their convenience store. But, but when they were doing the x-rays the day before the surgery, they were like, oh, you have wisdom teeth that should be out. And they sort of I remember them saying this pretty flippantly, but they were like, might as well just knock them out while you're under, you know, with everything else. So we'll break your jaw, move it forward, take out your wisdom teeth. We'll take your jaw out, move it to the other side of the room, and we can really get a hold on these.

But here's the thing. I had six wisdom teeth. What? Yeah. Wow. Which is way more. I didn't know that you could have. Most people have max four,

I believe. Yeah. And I had six. And so after that, when I woke up up like my head was a balloon my head was ryan belleville in that dentine commercial popping off and huge um and so yeah they did they just did it all in one go and it was painful it was yeah and they upsold you that's the the dentist is like well i love to do that although i kind of was grateful that um i don't know it was sort of convenient i guess yeah it was just all done at once and i was just

i took time off school um but and then i was on so much codeine i was just high all the time on so many drugs because of all the pain that was going on in my in my head yeah um but then it was in the I had to take so much time off of university and we were right in midterm season so there was a lot of and it was my first year and so there was a lot of important projects and exams coming up and instead of taking I think I said I was going to take two to three weeks off I decided to go back to school early when I wasn't fully recuperated yet to write the midterms. And I was like, this will be fine. I will just load up on coding. I'll just get my research theory, midterm exam, just the worst 20, 20 year old idea.

Yeah. And I did. And I, guys, guys i honestly i was so high and all i remember honestly was i had the piece of paper in front of me for the exam and i had my pencil and i was just like doodling circles like around the page i was just doodling them like up and down and then checking off some boxes here and there for the multiple choice and i and i turned in the paper and i got a call from my professor the next day and she and i like she knew me and she knew my work ethic and stuff and she was like what is this like what happened here she's and she's like you got 14 out of 100. Not bad. And I'm like, not bad, actually. I mean, you really think about how completely oblivious I was. Did I get nothing for the doodles?

Yeah, what do you think of the doodles, though? So I must have just in my artwork, I must have accidentally, mindlessly checked off some right answers. And I got 14 out of 100. But yeah, that was a bizarre bizarre choice of mine i remember being like writing uh whatever the last year of school that like big test you have to take that's worth like 50 or whatever provincials yeah provincials that's right and uh you know they tell you like when the minimum time is up that you have to stay in there for whatever the first 40

minutes or something and then they announced it okay 40 minutes and like literally the guy next to me just stood up walked over put his paper down and left because he knew he was failing so just like check check check check sat at his desk waited till the 40 minute mark walked in mooned everyone on the red carpet. Yeah. Well, he had, he was honest with himself.

Yes. Like, yeah. Like this is not going to go any farther. I didn't learn anything. I won't learn anything. Yeah. I won't. I won't graduate.

It's fine with me. What's going on with you, Dave? Oh, nothing. I will. Last week i was uh putting out last week's episode and i was just like listening through and and uh i was talking about how much it was raining and how like every there were puddles everywhere and then as i'm listening to it it's like the storm of the century so like we had even more rain the following week um but uh yeah so that's been this whole week it's like graham you were not in town right no i

was in i was in calgary i was flying in as it was happening and it's the jumpiest most turbulent plane i think i've ever been on flying through that thing. But, yeah, I wasn't even here when it happened. By the time I got here, it was all over. Yeah, no, it was horrible. It was... I also missed that rainbow from a couple weeks ago,

and I also wasn't here for the Stanley Cup riots, so I missed all the hot Vancouver times. Well, there was a tornado as well were you here for that no i was here when that bear got downtown i remember that yeah pretty good that was good were you here for the heat dome oh yeah i remember the heat dome absolutely um so much going on over there yeah well i mean nothing's going on because I immediately am like, oh, let's talk about the weather. No, but I mean, I mean, weather is an understatement, though, for, you know.

Yeah, exactly. Recent events. But we were talking about the dentist. I feel like my dentist wants me to have my teeth, like, way longer than I'm alive. Oh yeah, sure. He wants to preserve your teeth? Yeah, I feel like the dentist wants my teeth to last forever. I feel like I need to have a sit down with my dentist and my doctor and just be like

okay guys, you tell him how long I'm going to live. You make my teeth last that long and a day. you make my teeth last that long and a day because i don't need to be uh spending thousands of dollars on like you know teeth that are gonna outlive this planet man that's true yeah let them go let let let's just let go yeah let them do what they want i think there's a winnipeg a guy who got busted for drugs and he had like um squirreled away a bunch of gold and a big percentage of the

gold was uh gold teeth that he had somehow got his hands on so really yeah he had like a whole box full of them and uh i don't know i guess if you're hard up if you can sell your gold tooth that's an investment right how much does a gold tooth go for i don't know probably like a thousand bucks or something i feel like the yeah whatever the the price of gold is pretty standard you can you can find it i don't know they put it on the news newser every morning. That's true, yeah. Where's gold at? The price of gold today. I mean, that's a pretty smart investment, I guess. I'll tell you what a barrel of oil costs, the price of an ounce of gold.

Where's laughing gas on the... Yeah. Here's what a standard stamp costs now, every day. It's his thing. Some people are into crypto. Other people are into gold teeth. Yeah. He likes the tactile feeling of the box.

Yeah, exactly. He likes to rattle them. Walking around rattling those teeth. He's like the boogeyman. What you got in that box, Dale? Oh, wouldn't you like to know he just keeps it to himself just rattling away there was a kid in my elementary school in my grade who had a silver tooth like one of his front teeth was silver that kicks ass well it does kick ass

but it also feels very like from a bygone era like the last dentist in the world who would do that. Like, can you just give me like a tooth looking one? Well, we could, I would get, if it was, if my doctor said like,

maybe you should get your front tooth capped. I would get a gold tooth. I feel like I'm at the age now where it's fine. If I have a gold tooth, I'm not taking school photos or anything like that. It's just, I would become a gold tooth guy. That's fine. It's just.

Be the gold tooth guy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Do you meet that guy with the gold tooth? And the rattling box that he carries around? Speaking of school photos, we just got our kids' school photos back. Oh, yeah. And I didn't go for,

man, maybe I went for the cheapest package, but what type of trash? I know. I feel like the cheapest packages, you got one. Yeah.

One of the three sizes. One. And it looks, it may be a kid that just looks like your kid. And they're like, just against, they're like just against they're just stood against a brick wall yeah no lasers no it's weird when you so now you get a picture you get like the proofs the uh the pictures of

your kids and you're like i'll order this one you like you get two possible poses and you can choose what the background is right and they it's not like in our day where they would on the day of they'd be like lasers you want lasers that was never an option i never got lasers as an option i mean i would have picked it but yeah that's i think they they take that out of the children's hands but then they uh give you this like list of like do you want this blue or this blue? And it's the same blue. And there's like just a page of different color backgrounds. And so we got the standard blue from the blue number one, please.

But then they give you, they, now you have to cut them out yourself. Oh, it just comes on a sheet? Yeah. Like, I mean, I feel like the like wallet photos you would have cut them out yourself. Oh, it just comes on a sheet? Yeah. I mean, I feel like the wallet photos you would have to cut out yourself, but everything is just one sheet with like, here's where you cut. Also, wallet size,

nobody keeps pictures in their wallet anymore, right? Am I wrong about that? I don't have any wallet size photos in my wallet. Open up your wallet. Let's see what's in there, your wallet let's see what's in there bud just in there this all spills out and it's just just photos just photos mostly of me from when i was a kid um so it's a diy package yeah it felt very uh it's janky very like i didn't get my uh four dollars that's the cheap that's yeah maybe that is cheap so how many how many are there too many uh we got no we got like one of the smaller ones

and it you know there's well you know we'll send one to grandma and grandpa on one side send another to the other grandma and grandpa maybe Maybe an aunt or an uncle wants one for the fridge. Definitely have ones of our cousins. And then we'll have, you know, 50 more just around the house. You know what? They get them to start going on auditions. You'll blow through that excess in no time. Or you know what?

Go to the autograph shows. That's true. Yeah, go to autograph shows that would be very funny if you were going into audition for a part and you had the the wallet size photo your headshot was tiny oh man but you use them like i imagine like hard copy photos are for portrait frames around the house. Is that what you get them for now? Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, that's always what it was. I imagine because everything is so digital now, but that's the one thing you would want to actually frame and keep around the house. That's true. But also, I feel like it's also kind of an antiquated thing where from growing up, you would have school photos because that would be the only photo of your child you would get all year yes that's right i mean before my time but uh like we might feel

like my parents used two rolls of film a year yeah yeah and mostly like all in one stretch yeah all on one vacation yeah holiday maybe uh you know end of year holidays uh summer holidays and maybe like one day out of the year say like a saint patrick's day or something like that i remember i once put a uh a pair of sunglasses on the back of my sister's head and took a picture of it just it looked like she had just like a, you know, like a fully hairy face with wearing sunglasses. And did your parents get so mad at you for wasting a whole photo? When they developed the film, they were like, Dave, this is,

what did my mother call it? It was like, she said it was not repulsive. Like, Dave, this is repulsive or grotesque it was like what's the one that what's like what's the word i'm looking for that's like repulsive or grotesque but like sexual raunchy yeah maybe it was maybe it was wrong vulgar vulgar vulgar might have been vulgar um that's really funny and i'm i guess when with those like you wouldn't you had a grace period of getting in trouble like you had to wait till the film came was developed that's true you could have forgotten what you did in between taking the picture and getting it back like you were just like you're just sitting on sweet time yeah you

had no idea you had no idea if a picture would come out. That's right. Huh. I guess six months later, I'll find out. Oh, yeah, I guess it doesn't work if you take a picture of perfect strangers on TV. I did that when I was a kid. I took a picture of the A-team on TV. The flash going off, going off the screen.

Oh, man, yeah. the flash going off going off the screen and oh man yeah well yeah because you what would you get 12 photos on a roll 12 24 24 then they had the 36 ones those were but yeah you're right you had this grace period but it was also like get the end of the roll just take pictures of the parking spot or whatever just get it so that we can send it in taking pictures of like a serial killer just random pictures of anything object i brought a camera to school in high school once in it now i have uh so many memories of that one day it wasn't a special day it was the day i had a camera i always wanted to um did you ever go or know anyone who went to the glamour shot studio in the mall? Yes. Where they would take the really fancy modeling pictures for you? Yeah.

That was my dream. I never got to go, but I remember going to play at my friend Kim's house and she had this beautiful photo of herself on the mantle. And she was, I think maybe 11 or 12 easily looked 40 in the glamour shot the james dean they had the makeup and the hair and there was always like this misty overlay of just like a misty quality of it and it was so ethereal and i was so jealous misty overlay is my drag name misty overlay um they're up until very recently in uh our local mall kingsgate mall they had a glamour studio up until like the last year like it's really yeah yeah okay so it's still in biz it's a thing that i bet you if you looked for it in Toronto, you would find a place that still doesn't.

So you could fill that dream. Go get some. I only do boudoir. Yeah. Boudoir is nice. Yeah. If I did do that now, I, and I would, and I will, if it's, if the opportunity is there, but I would only i i wouldn't want it to look like me getting my head shots as an adult i i kind of still want it to look like a like i'm in school but trying to

like i would do it maybe i would do 80s hair or something yeah that's right or something 90s i think you could just go to like the like a department store photo department they'll do like uh they'll do family photos this i'm pretty sure this is also just a filter i could use like an instagram filter but yeah i'm sure i i'm i hope so i hope it's still a thing that they do at stores because that was that's a fun thing for kids well that's the other thing about school photos now it's like we take a thousand photos of our children every day yeah yeah exactly it feels like a bit of a a little underwhelming to oh these are the ones well we we want 50 of this one photo exactly that's why i'm with you i would get the cheap one too i mean

considering how you take so many photos yourself anyway, and like a modern phone is a good camera, so. Yeah. Look, we got one of the cheaper ones, and we overbought. I will say that. Okay, Dave, I'll take five. I'll take five off your hands. I'll put them all in my fridge. You still have to pick up that

peppermint bark. Oh, yeah. Speaking of all mint talk. Yeah. Anyway, nothing going on with me we managed to stay relatively dry here and uh that's good and got school photos nice what about you graham um well one of my uh favorite interactions of the last week was last night when i was waiting for my vietnamese sub you were walking with your father in law yes and we were both kind of trying to explain what the wes anderson film the french dispatch is like and you were about to see it yeah and he said there's a bunch of famous people and

they all get like two lines each and then he said you mean like the expendables yeah and i was like yeah wes and Anderson is the art house expendable. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Yeah. Anyways, that was just a delight. Yeah. And this weekend I went all the way to Calgary, Alberta, because my mother is in a play.

And so I went to go see my mother be in a play. And it was fun. Tr trish absolutely trish clark trish clark the one and only you know uh what's her face from the play yeah lady mcbeth lady mcbeth that's right um yeah is this a dagger i see before me? She has to say Graham before I realize. Because I'm always in the audience, so she's looking over. Could you check on this for me? But yeah, she, like a community theater production in a real theater space. Is it a play we would know? No, I don't think so. It's by a Canadian guy. It's called Opening Night. So it's a is it a play we would know? No,

I don't think so. It's by, it's by a Canadian guy. It's called opening night. So it's a bit of a play within a play kind of deal. And, uh, it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun.

Cause I haven't been like the same. I haven't been to the movies. I haven't been to any theater for two years, basically. So it was fun to be in a theater. Was it full? It was full. Everybody had to wear

their mask the whole time uh is there a part where uh you hear from the audience you hear someone yell out cut and then it's the director but he's in the play and he comes out from the audience and then goes on stage and like does that thing because that's because that's a that's a popular high school type of play that we used to do. A plant in the audience. Yeah. A plant in the audience. Somebody that's in like Shakespeare regalia. That's really cool, though, that your mom did that.

Yeah. Did you know she was doing this the whole time? Yes, I knew she was doing this. She didn't audition in secret? No, she's't audition in secret no she she's she's been auditioning she's been going she's been handing out those wallet size photos everywhere yeah and uh yeah so she got like one of the lead roles in the uh in the play and she was quite good and uh she had a couple zingers in the play so she she zinged and zanged all over the place and she's in

the play she plays a woman who's at the at the theater with her husband and the husband is one of the hart brothers uh what she okay it's the wrestlers the wrestlers yes we're in the play yeah where he was in the play was he one of your former uh substitute teachers yeah he probably was okay but not the one who made me do all the push-ups that guy had a mustache uh i would never forget that guy if i saw him um but that means that this past tuesday uh my mom performed in front of brett Hitman Hart I know, pretty good that's a fun thing to have done in your life, to have performed

with Brent Brent? That's awesome good for her yeah, it's fun that's her dream come true, she's always wanted to perform I was just going to say, did she care at all about that part?

Back in the 90s, she used to take photos of the TV whenever they were on. That's so cool. Yeah, I think she was telling me for my benefit more than her excitement about it. I think this will be a little something fun for Graham to hear about. Yeah, Graham, I'm in a play with some boxer. No, mother. How long was the run? Like, is it still going? Still, as of

the recording of this podcast, it is still going until Saturday night. So, Tuesday through Saturday. And that's a lot. That's lot yeah and it's like a two-act play so it's quite a lot of lines to remember you know what i mean like do you act in anything courtney no i do not i'm not uh i'm not an actor i've been in some very small small things you might recognize me as as playing a dead body on Saving Hope. And then my character went missing and then was found dead. And then I shot a scene in the morgue.

My body was in the morgue. And then my director's notes. And I got director's notes that i was breathing too much so that's my acting expertise is i'm not even good at uh playing dead so i have questions i have questions were there was it a real morgue or was it a set no it was a it was a set okay yeah was um were you on a metal table yes it looked it looked like what i imagine the morgue looked like yeah yeah was uh how long did how long did you have to lie still um well maybe okay so there was yeah so there was talking going on around me so i think the full scene was maybe um like a few minutes oh wow um my dad my dad in the show uh he has to come identify me and so he's like crying over my body and stuff and then yeah it's so hard not to laugh i bet it was and then

um uh but like we did a lot of takes Probably because of my breathing That was not I was there for a long time Doing this And cut again Was it the breathing Was it your body going up and down Or was it your face Were your nostrils flaring

I think it was my chest kind of moving right and like when you look like i when you're trying really hard to not look like you're yeah look like you're not breathing i feel like i locked up and i breathed as heavy as i've ever yeah was there any auditioning i was doing lamaze um no i you could you were confused about what hospital set you were please stop saying push every time um you're dead uh no i did uh did i audition for it i was given the part because um they were just looking for someone who looked like me. Perfect. My agent passed it along. And how hard could it be to not breathe? Yeah, exactly. I know.

I went in so ignorant, thinking this was going to be a cakewalk. That's what they teach you in acting school, is how to breathe. At the start of every take, did you go, and have your cheeks all blown up this time i got it for sure the guy who played my my dad in the in the episode he had a lot of lines in that episode and um i saw him i ran into him a year later at a coffee shop on the east end of toronto but i didn't recognize him but he recognized me and the way he approached me he sort of said some some variation of like I was your dad

or I'm your dad like something like that I'm sure he didn't say I'm your dad but he said it in a way that sort of sounded like that because he didn't really provide much context as to how I knew him so he was like I was your dad and I was like what and then I put it together. So he was like, I was your dad. And I was like, what? And then I put it together. But yeah, it was a fun experience to be on set and actually not be responsible for a whole lot other than grieving. Learning the lines is the thing that freaks me out the most is knowing the lines and when to say them.

I don't worry about that I'm good for the part or whatever. I just want to say the lines and when to say them. I don't worry about good for the part or whatever. I just want to say the line. Yeah, I've been lucky enough to have some side parts here and there just for a decent little paycheck. The last thing I did, I'm in a Bank of Montreal campaign. Currently, if BMO is your bank, I'm on the TV screens in there right now for the next year. Big break. If BMO's your bank, I'm on the TV screens in there right now for the next year.

And it's just a photo shoot of me in the back of a fancy car wearing a very fancy dress and just being on my phone. That's all I had to do for the scene was just be on my phone and look glamorous. And it was honestly luxurious. I enjoyed myself. And yeah, those are the parts that I get is just very chill. Just hanging out, lying down, checking your phone. Lying down, being dead or glamorous. That's how you do it.

Do you guys want to move on to some overheards? No, Graham. I want business and I want it now. Wait, wait. Can I? Oh, my gosh. Actually, do you mind if I ask you one or tell you one thing based on a different podcast episode that I listened to of yours? Go for it.

I might as well. This is the opportunity. So I have listened to a lot of your episodes, especially when, like, my friends are on. Sure. And it's so fun. And I was listening to one with Noor Had hadidi a good friend of mine and you guys were talking about bubble tea and and uh i'm a huge bubble tea fan and i love bubble tea and i and you were talking about your your first experiences of trying it and i wasn't i wasn't

you guys you didn't seem to be a big fan. Yeah, impressed. And I just wanted to say, like, as an avid bubble tea drinker, the choices in the menu selection are so precise. You have to, like, you have to find one that's really to your taste. And if you don't, you can be easily let down of the whole genre of bubble tea. It did feel like there were a lot it was like a lot of um i went in there without much knowledge yeah and one thing i think you said this uh that you were expecting something kind of fruity and like gushery and so for future reference if you ever want to give bubble tea a go again i'm writing this down yeah i would suggest and it's if and if you still don't like it that's totally fine i don't force chocolate mint on anyone and i won't force bubble

tea on anyone but um there's if go to a bubble tea shop that serves um pearls aka popping boba and those are little like candy flavored bubbles that burst in your mouth and they have a much more light uh fruity taste to them and texture to them that's very different from the tapioca um bubbles and if you get it with like say maybe a banana or a mango um base like a milk tea base or just a slushy if you don't want the milkiness of it right just like more of a juice get that and then get strawberry popping boba and it's delicious that sounds so good great yeah that sounds like a little burst of juice in your in your mouth and it's really and you can get different flavors sometimes i'll get it and i'll

save all the popping boba for the very end they won't eat any of it and then I'll just pour it into my mouth. Nice. So good. Can I get do they have Skittles? Like just Skittles to put in it? Yeah, can I just get Skittles in like Five Alive? You could

just go get Five Alive and put Skittles in it. That would be a totally different thing. But I need the fat straw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fat straw. The bubble tea straw. Well, there's one down the street, so I'm going to go.

I'm going to... Yeah. Maybe this weekend. That's for the popping boba. Yeah. Yeah. Popping boba. Okay.

And then Dave's going to get the five alive. I'm going to get five alive with Skittles. With the Skittles. The straw. That would be a good skittle sucker those straws yeah that's what they call them skittle suckers skittle suckers you know um all right now we'll move on to a bit of business that means that it's time to do one of our favorite things here on the show

a jumbotron one of our faves uh is where, if you've never heard one before, this is where somebody has sending out a message to a loved one through the medium of podcasting. And you know what? They're always ever so sweet. And this one is for Amanda, my angel baby, from Chris Lillian Murphy.

Dave, take it away. Happy birthday, baby cakes. I'm thankful every day that you've chosen to share your life with me for 20 plus years and turning me on to spy. Stop podcasting yourself, that is. I love you more than share our lives for 20 plus more. Is that right? Yeah.

Then share our lives for 20 plus more. Is that right? Yeah. I love you more than share our lives for 20 plus more. Yep. Insert creepy pervy Dave joke here. Well, come on. I look, there's a typo in there and I can't be pervy around a type.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's that's a real boner killer. And now an equally creepy pervy Grahamham rebuttal do you have one um uh the curtain matches the drapes wait there you go all right the curtain matches the drapes what the hell now i will just keep writing until I run out of characters. Love you, babes. Nice. Well, that's a nice little... Happy birthday, Angel Baby Amanda. And if you want to do one of these Jumbotrons, you can head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbo. Tron.

Jumbotron. And now it's time to move on to some overheards. Do you sometimes wonder whatever happened to the kids at your school who really loved Star Trek? You might remember a kid like me, the one who read the Star Trek novels and built Starship models. I also took music classes to avoid taking gym classes that required showering after, but I don't see what that really has to do with... Or a kid like me. I introduced myself to kids at my summer camp one year as Wesley.

But when the school year started and some of those kids were in my new class, I actually had to explain to my friends that I had tried to take on the identity of my favorite Star Trek character. The shame haunts me to this day. I'm sure some of those Star Trek fans from your childhood grew up to have interesting and productive lives, but we ended up being podcasters on the greatest discovery you'll hear what happens to two lifelong star trek fans who didn't grow up to be great people they just grew up to be people who love jokes as much as they love trek season four of star trek discovery is here so listen to

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supporting Everyone On. And thanks for being awesome people who want to do good in the world. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, you know what? If you happen to be out of the house these days, which is more and more common, maybe you'll hear something hilarious or see something hilarious and we encourage you to report them here to the podcast and we always like to start with the guest courtney would you please okay so this is an overheard that actually happened in my apartment um i i live alone but recently we had um maintenance done to our our um vents we like

about once a year we have a guy come in to change the filters and our vents the coils and filters i don't know what any of that means but a guy comes in and does it and um so this guy came into my my apartment and he was over by the window. It's a large window and a wall. And he was on a like a step ladder and he changed out the filter. And as he was dismounting and coming down, he sort of tripped and stumbled. And it was one of those stumbles that like goes on forever. Like it was like a fall that like goes on forever like it was like a fall

that was going on forever so he fell backwards and i have like a yoga mat on the floor and some weights that were there and he tripped over those and he's like doing he's like doing one of those like what those cartoonish like whoa and i don't know how I can't really. It's all so fast. So I can't really do anything. But I see him tumbling back and back and back. He falls over the weights. And then and then he's apologizing on his way down because he's embarrassed. He's like, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

And then he trips over my Roomba vacuum cleaner. And it's so cartoonish. I've never seen anything like this up close before. He trips and falls over the Roomba and then he's down on his butt. But when he trips over the Roomba, the Roomba turns on. The Roomba starts talking. And it goes, error number five, error number five. And he's going, sorry, sorry, sorry. There's all these voices.

And as the Roomba is saying that, he's getting flustered. And he goes, he looks at the Roomba and he goes, Alexa, turn off. Alexa, Alexa. And he's so embarrassed and flustered. And then I'm starting to get flustered and I'm like, and now there's three voices. There's the Roomba going, air number five. And he's like, Alexa, turn off.

And I'm like, no, no, no, it's not Alexa. It's not Alexa, but he's not listening. And then finally he gets so flustered and he turns to me. He goes, who is it? And I died. And I felt so bad for him because he was so embarrassed that his, his mega fall and then tripping over the thing.

And he just was, I just love that in the moment I was like, no, it's not Alexa. And he's like, who is it then? Like, Oh oh my god that is really killed me that is like one of the better overheards i've ever heard because it has yeah it was amazing i couldn't believe that it happened it's like it is like a scene out of like what no who's like like kramer or something like that yeah yeah kramer exactly that's what it was it was just like how once

the fall started i was like this is just gonna keep going i love that kind of like when you fall and you're like oh i've got this and then you take one another step and another step like oh why is this still happening i felt so bad just because of how I listen. I know, I know as well as anyone that falling is embarrassing. Even when you're alone, falling feels embarrassing, but when you're in somebody else's apartment, tripping over the vacuum and the weights and everything, and trying to tell the vacuum,

Alexa, turn off. It was so much. So much seconds. So I was, when I was at the play, I had to walk in and like, nobody stood up for me in the aisles. So I was just going like the tiniest space between knees and seats.

And I felt at one point where I was like, oh, you're falling. You're going to fall into the room before you. Here it comes. Oh no. It's so scary. You were a little drunk. Yeah. I was doing shots at the bar

um to my mom everybody okay sir um dave do you have an overheard yesterday i was at the uh coffee shop yeah waiting for them to give me my coffee coffee shop yeah waiting for them to give me my coffee story checks out so far yeah and uh i just heard a guy who was on the phone he was talking and i just heard him end his call with uh thanks for the update no i'm glad i got the update thank you for updating me what do you think i meant when i said thanks for the update so i think they thought he was being like uh they'd given him bad news and he was like well thanks for the update yeah well i'm really sorry no thanks for the update yeah i'm sorry i called you poindexter yeah thanks for the update einstein einstein uh pretty good that's pretty good i mean it's no that's alexa Einstein. Einstein. Pretty good.

That's pretty good. I mean, it's no. Alexa. No, there's. Do you, Courtney, do you also have Alexa? No, I do not. That would have been another layer. If she could get involved.

That would have been an extra layer that I wouldn't have been able to comprehend. Then Alexa starts asking what. No, you turn off. Was somebody talking to me say what a man is falling in your apartment um my overheard it's i this barely counts but uh i was watching a film uh called turbulence which is a movie where ray liotta is stalkinging Lauren Hawley on a plane that's out of control. And there's a scene where the plane kind of hits the top of a parkade and knocks some cars off the edge.

But a truck gets stuck on the wheel of the landing gear. And it's this dramatic music's going and the sounds crazy. And one of the extras in the background goes, it's a Ford. I know because Calvin pees on those. There's a car. No kidding. It's a Ford.

That's so funny. Yeah. So that's, you know, that's from a movie, but you know, it's a bird. It's a Ford that's so funny yeah so that's you know that's from a movie but you know it's a bird it's a plane it's a Boeing now we also have overheard sent in to us from people all over if you want to send one in you can send

it to spy at maximum fun dot org and this first one comes from Anna in Kentucky she said she called this in and called it as an overheard instead of overseen and then forgot to include my name so she was all over the map with this call

so I assume it's not a call that you used this is her trying to salvage her dignity with this overheard overseen at the grocery store today I was walking in i saw a woman coming out wearing a maroon sweater with the word rat liquor and seven silver sequins across the front rat liquor i don't even know what that would be in reference to wait was it was it liquor l-i-c-k or liquor like lick like l-i-q no like to lick to lick okay to lick none of them is less confusing than the other yeah but you're i like the sequins yeah yeah absolutely

you can get anything done in sequence on here you're already ahead of the game um yeah uh hat liquor hat liquor that's amazing yeah what a find did it look i wonder i didn't see it i wish that's the one thing about the segment is you can't ask more questions because i want to know if it looked homemade like she bedazzled it herself right yeah yeah like yeah where do you get a rat lickicker sweater? Etsy, for sure, on Etsy. Dave's checking Etsy. I mean, yeah. I mean, should we see if they have any Rat Lickers on there? I feel like we have to know where this shirt came from.

If not Etsy, I'm just saying that because they have a lot of novelty stuff, but maybe this is a reference we're not getting. Right. Yeah, maybe it's a whole meme out there that we don't know. Rat Licker. You guys don't have Rat Licker shirts? Everyone's making fun of us for this. Yeah, maybe it's a whole meme out there that we don't know. Rat liquor. You guys don't have rat liquor shirts? Everyone's making fun of us for this. Yeah, exactly.

There's a lot of... Uh-oh. Rat liquor meaning... Redbubble has a lot of rat liquor t-shirts. Wait a minute. Oh my gosh, hold on. I found something of a definition. Oh yeah?

Rat liquor, defined as a person who refuses to wear a mask or take any of the basic precautions to help society prevent an airborne illness during an epidemic oh so she's a rat licker she's saying she's an anti-masker oh because she would be jeweled it yeah she doesn't care about it that she would lick a rat like that's how little she cares about health yeah on red bubble they have a lot of t-shirts that say like wear the mask and stop licking rats yeah or rat lickers stay back don't be a rat yeah so this was um so she saw a person who was a proud rat licker i guess so yeah wow you gotta be if you're gonna put sequins on it yeah that's right you know you're not being reverse ironic like you're just you are that thing

um this next one comes i've never heard that i've heard of people rat licker yeah oh i've known it all this time this is me faking that i know oh you guys are just learning about it right now yeah okay sorry graham got in on the ground floor heartbreaker so this next one is from sean h in seattle at a grocery store this weekend i saw some employees chasing a customer out of the exit i overheard one of the employees explaining why he said he looked at me right in the eye and grabbed a beer off the shelf still making eye contact he cracked it open downed it and slammed the can back

down on the shelf looking me in the eye the whole time oh yeah you're allowed to do it as long as you're intimidated about it yeah no as long as you don't look someone at the oh yeah oh that's right hold eye contact yeah you can get away with it um yeah i uh i can picture that i can picture the exact guy what guy are you picturing your head my guy is a guy with a very blonde mullet and uh and really really like tanned skin so much that it sticks out really in seattle like yeah i guess too he's so he's so tanned um yeah oh i'm picturing the opposite kind of person i have no i can't elaborate on that. It's just the exact opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Courtney, your take? I think that the mulledy one checks out.

The mulledy one. The vibe that I am interpreting it as. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. This last one comes from Danny M. from New Jersey. At a local diner, a woman in her mid-60s who was late meeting her friend she said sorry i'm a mess i can't call myself a hot mess because i'm old yeah you can be old and hot yeah that's

helen mirren taught us nothing yeah exactly 20 years ago guys she's like old and hot right yeah yeah that's what i strive to be i feel like my whole life is leading up to me being hot as an old person and then i'll die super quick like i'll be hot for a week the week of hotness the major glow up the pre-death glow up what do you consider old yeah that's another thing you know just so i know what week you're going to die. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's say 47. Oh, no. Oh, shit.

Well, we hardly knew you. Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, Like these people have. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guest.

I hope you can hear me through my mask because I'm at the grocery store. As I was walking into the grocery store, I saw these two women walking out, and one of them was wearing, like, a maroon sweatshirt. And in, like, rhinestone glitter letters on the front, it just said, Rat Liquor. Rat Liquor. and in like rhinestone glitter letters on the front it just said rat liquor rat liquor anyway off i go so let this be a lesson yeah exactly don't send in both don't assume dave won't use it because you didn't leave your name oh you called back and left your name let's hear it hi dave and graham i just called and forgot to leave my name. Oh, you called back and left your name? Let's hear it. Hi, Dave and Graham. I just called and forgot to leave my name. This is Anna in Kentucky.

Anyway, love you. Bye. We love you too, Anna. We're very disappointed in you. Yeah, I mean, and by the way, you completely sold me out. I chose it, and then you know I have to go after Graham. Graham will always get to... That's right. I'll always get the prime seating.

Anyway, what do you think rat liquor is? What do you think? Do you want to talk about this a little bit more? All right. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and guests. This is Danny from Chicago. I was in a toy store buying a toy for my best friend's new infant son,

and there was a family standing behind me in the aisle, and a little girl in the family, probably about five, picked something up and says, What the fuck is this? And her dad says, Excuse me, what did you just say? And she said, What the fuck is this?

And oddly enough, the conversation ended there. Well, off I go. Do you think that's a kid that doesn't know what they're saying? Did I stutter, Dad? Yeah. Did I fucking stutter? Yeah. Wait, sorry, this was in a

grocery store? This was in a toy store. This was in a toy store? Yeah, so he's angling. She is a little girl, right? So he's, he's angling. She is a little girl, right? Yeah. Dad,

buy me this fucking dollhouse. Maybe she, what do you think she learned that from? Goodfellas? Probably Goodfellas. Yeah. Probably Goodfellas or, uh, Thomas the Tank Engine.

Yeah, Thomas the Tank Engine. She felt confident enough to repeat herself. exactly she that's amazing she knew what she wanted to get across she oh yeah she was coming in hot on that one yeah and i'm now i'm picturing thomas the tank engine with filthy language i'm sure that exists somewhere on the internet but just like here comes fucking Thomas again. Were you guys allowed to swear as kids? No. I'm not allowed to swear as a grown up.

I was allowed to. I got away with shit. Shit was one that I could. Wow. We could never. We could only hope. I hope today's the day we can say shit. My brother and I would come up with very clever code words

that we would say to each other. Because we were also, like, they were trying to emphasize that we were supposed to be nice and kind to each other, so we couldn't call each other stupid or idiots or anything like that either. So we would come up with, we'd call it stupid, idiot. Trying to decode that, mom and dad. Just be in the backseat calling each other itties,

stoopy, itties. You stoopy itty. I was reading a book to my daughters and there was something about a bad word. And I said, I asked my daughters, I believe believe my seven-year-old answered me and i said uh uh what uh what's a bad word because i was like i think i think they might know and uh margo said uh oh bad words are like stupid or shut up or bitch i was like when have you heard bitch shut up you

stupid bitch that's the that's the phrase i get that like look i'll use stupid around the house about like oh this stupid hot oil burned my hand um but uh i don't know where she got bitch ah kids on the playground you know i know and yeah kids love to use words that are technically allowed because they are a thing that is like well we were at the kennel club yeah yeah yeah so we were at the kennel here is your final overheard

bitches hi Dave Graham an adorable guest this is Katie from Ohio calling in with a spooky Halloween overheard it's not really spooky, but it is Halloween. We were offering candy to trick-or-treaters, as is customary,

and some teen boys came up, grabbed their candy, and as they were walking away, I heard one yell to his friends, three musketeers, it's boomer candy. Thanks. Wow. Making a real Thanks. Wow. Taking a real stance. Wow.

I mean, is it, though? Seems like it is. Yeah, it is, though. Yeah. He had a point. I mean, I love a good Three Musketeers bar, but I can see how it would be classified as such. Yeah, and I think that it's the weaker cousin of the Mars bar. Because Mars has that nice caramel filling, whereas the Three Musketeers is just all whatever that is. classified as such yeah and i think that it's the weaker cousin of the mars bar because mars has

that nice caramel filling whereas the three musketeers is just all whatever that is that's it's nougat that's actually why i don't like mars bar for that exact reason it's too much caramel but i understand the appeal if you're if you want more something more caramel heavy you gotta go with mars yeah whereas three musketeers is very uh it's very nougat forward And if that's not the thing Yeah it is nougat forward Kids aren't into nougat I don't think anymore What are like

The more I still give a shit about nougat Kids don't care about nougat The more Boomer-y candy Is like For me it's like Big Turk

Oh yeah Turkish Delight Yeah Definitely And that Like Cherry Chococovered cherry Yeah the blossom The cherry blossom The cherry blossom Yeah Totally Turkish delight. Definitely. And that like cherry, chocolate covered cherry.

Yeah, the blossom, the cherry blossom. The cherry blossom, yeah. Totally. No child has eaten that in 50 years. No, they're collecting dust on the shelves. But I think that the nougat is maybe, perhaps nougat is the new like hard toffee, like Werther's. Right. Maybe.

That you associate with older people my grandma has a lot of nougat around that what's young candy young candy i mean r.i.p to young candy the rapper who was tragically gunned down young young candy what would be the youth's go-to because like i feel like young candy in my childhood was like, like super sour things. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Extreme stuff. And like nerds and yeah.

Yeah. Sour candies or brightly colored stuff like Skittles. Yeah. Old people like monochrome candy. I don't, I don't know. Cause is there, are there new... Every time I go to the store, I'm not really seeing a surge of brand new things

that I've never heard of. Absolutely. Candy-wise, it's like all pretty... Especially Halloween candy. It's like the established packs. Yes. It's the classics. Did you, when you were going on Halloween with your kids,

did you ever get a wagon wheel as a candy? Oh, no, i i loved those i we i would have loved to have that end up in my pumpkin bucket no it was like um it was uh around um there was it was chocolate coating and then the inside was what would you call it i would say it was like marshmallow is it like a cake yeah there's like a marshmallow filling no because we had like i think the canadian ding dong is a joe louis right yeah oh right yeah yeah or a may west um yes yeah this was like oh i'm like yeah yeah yeah i see it but i didn't i loved wagon wheels but i don't think i ever got them for halloween you know what next Next year for Halloween, I'll make sure you get one. We were talking about how the, like, because you just get the standard pack of Halloween candy, kids aren't getting a variety of things.

Like, you wouldn't, you're not discovering new weird things every year. Yeah. Like you used to. But like, you know what doesn't get us, this is an old candy for sure is tootsie roll yeah tootsie roll i love the tootsie rolls too though but you know what i think the you know what i think is the criteria for what is considered like an old candy in this instance for three musketeers is is that it's just not as popular. It's not as popular of a selection that people go for or talk about. And so I think that's just all it is.

People love Reese's more widely. Have you ever seen a commercial for Three Musketeers? No. Yeah, I feel like the fact that they don't even bother to advertise, they're like, I mean, people will buy this until they stop and then we'll stop making it. Yeah. What about a Mounds bar? That seems like an old Mounds or Bounty.

I don't know. What's it called? Bounty or? Bounty. Is that what's Mounds? Mounds is coconut, right? Yes. Oh, no.

So it is a Bounty. Yeah. Well, sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Almond Joy's got nuts nuts mounds don't there you go yeah i like i am guilty of liking a super old candy bar do you remember eat more i was just gonna say eat more oh my god i love eat more what is it my brother and i loved them none of our friends liked it i'm gonna try to i'm gonna get'm going to get an eat more. I'm going to get a, uh,

uh, what was big Turk? Oh, what is that? What is an eat more? Eat more. You, I've never had one cause it's got nuts in it,

but go ahead. You've never had one. No, I'm allergic to nuts. Oh, I thought you were so excited because you, you shared my, my love for it,

but no, it was just, you remember it though. Yeah. Yeah. And I was feeling like it was the old person candy when it definitely is i i mean we we were eating it knowing that we were uh acting old it's like it's very it's very sticky and toffee like it's like peanuts and chocolate but it's very very very chewy um i think it's got like molasses in it or something like that yeah it's very, very, very chewy. Okay. I think it's got like molasses in it or something like that.

Yeah. I think it's like dark. It's like toffee. It's dark toffee, peanuts, and chocolate. Yes. Dive into the unique taste of chewy dark toffee, peanut, and chocolate. That even sounds old. Yeah, I think that it's like the unique taste.

Like no kid would want to be like, ooh, what a unique taste. It reminds me a bit of peanut chews. Peanut chews, yeah, yeah. Charleston Chew? Was Charleston Chew that had nuts in it? That's old, for sure. That's old people food. Yeah, that definitely is. Well, I think we've all got some eating to do. Yeah. Courtney, thank you so much for being our guest.

This was so much fun. Thank you so much for having me. This was a great time. I appreciate you having me on. Where can people find you online? Where can they find your podcast? Plug all the things. Right. Well, you can go to CourtneyGilmore.com and have all the links to all of that.

Gilmore is G-I-L-M-O-U-R. But you can find me on Instagram at CourtneyJGilmore, on Twitter at CourtneyUGH, U-G-H, because I quit Twitter and then I joined it out of spite last year and no variations of my name were left over whatsoever. Yeah. And then, yeah, if you're in Toronto, I have show dates. out of spite last year and none no variations of my name were left over whatsoever yeah um and then uh yeah i have if you're in toronto i have show dates on my website and uh rated x podcast is my my podcast and that's on spotify itunes everywhere and uh yeah you can follow me and i i always post

everything i'm doing so cool well i can't wait until you tackle this will-they-or-won't-they of Sam and Diane. I feel like that's one of the big... I will. Absolutely. And I, of course, want to plug Frank Sinatra's Duets Part 2, where he does Luck Be a Lady with Chrissy Hind from The Pretenders. And Mack the Knife with Jimmy Buffett. Nice.

Nice. Well, thank you, all you out there, for listening to the show. If you like old person candy, watch out. Because a lot of that's probably really bad for your teeth. I think modern candy is good for you. But if you got a few extra wisdom teeth, then you got some to spare. Because if you just really want some gold teeth, anytime soon, rip into them. Thanks for listening, everybody.

Come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.