Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 722 - Racquel Belmonte

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

Comedian Racquel Belmonte joins us to talk Home Hardware, Columbo, and Theranos.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello and welcome to episode number 722 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I think is drinking a pop shop pop, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm drinking a cream soda. Oh, pink cream soda, that's the stuff. Yeah, it's got, it looks like a dollop of... It does look like a poo.

It looks like the emoji for poo but white. It looks like old dollop of it does look like a poo it looks like the emoji for poo but white it looks like old dog poo 1980s dog poo uh but i'm uh doing uh i'm i'm having a dry january oh okay i'm having a january so oh i'm um i'm doing the thing where you don't nut no not january yeah forget about your wiener february yeah make do without it march yeah hey forget about it april and also make do without it Masturbate, comma, don't. Yeah. Just read June. Just read July. Almost there, August. Stop spanking your monkey. September, stop spanking.

November, no, not in December. We forgot about October. Oh, yeah, October. Don't. Don't. Yeah. november no not in december we forgot about october oh yeah october uh yeah um anyway this is uh uh the start of the show it's um if anybody has uh got this far thank you and thank you yeah and uh i would also like to say oh, a few months ago we announced we're going to be in Edmonton this month for Winterruption. That's not happening. That's not going to happen. We're working on a new date, but we don't know if we can announce that yet.

Yeah, so just chill out, Edmonton. We'll get to you when we get to you. Yeah, Edmonton. Just keep edging Edmonton. We'll get to you when we get to you. Yeah. Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed,

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Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed, there was a candidate who was all about like oh there's semen retention yeah yeah yeah semen retention september um well we gotta we like welcome in our guest a first-time guest who probably has already told her family to listen she's she's been reacting very visually to all of our uh come talk um anyways she's a comedian improviser voice actor uh from vancouver

now making her home in toronto it's raquel balmonte hello i wish i was part of all that come talk don't get me wrong there'll be plenty there'll be plenty i can't wait i said there has to be a certain amount of come talk or i'm not doing this. So I'm really happy that you guys are delivering. Cum con, they call it. Yeah. Cum con, baby. Anyway, what a monster I've been already. Hi, thanks for having me.

Thanks for being on the pod. Yeah, thanks so much. We're very sorry for everything up till now. And I would also like to pre-apologize for everything. I too will apologize. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Not me, man. Never look back. Don't look back. No regrets. No regrets. Exactly. That's what my knuckle tats say.

No on one hand, then regrets. Like squeezed in on the other knuckle. Like near the end, they're all just on like the last two fingers. Just like blowing down the pinky. Should we get to know us? Yeah.

Get to know us. Raquel. Yes. You, like, I think I saw you in the summer before all this. No, last summer. And you were just about to move to Toronto. Am I right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've made the move. And do you enjoy it? Listen, I know I'm going to enjoy it eventually. But right now, you know, like, I knew going in. I've never moved. I should preface.

I've never moved to a city permanently before. And I knew I'm like, it's probably gonna be a little difficult not knowing. Oh, wow. This is just like hard all the time. Like you have to buy furniture. You have to build the furniture. You have to listen to your landlords probably maybe get a divorce soon, which is so hard on me. Yeah.

And I just I miss i miss my family and friends a lot and yeah and everything's different over there but you know what i know i'm gonna grow to love it that is the most honest answer i can give you but uh i love it ready ready to fuck shit up when i go back i'm getting a little sick of staying here that's for sure yeah what um i want to hear about your landlords you your landlords. Are you living in the basement of a house? Or a suite in some house? I'm listening, sorry. I'm living. I'm also listening.

I'm living in the basement suite of a house owned by an Italian couple. And as an Italian person, you would think, yeah, that's fine. I can deal with this. Like I know it. I grew up with it.

I am this. It's, it's proven to, to just not be what, um, now I lost my train of thought cause I'm getting so emotional. No, I'm not.

I just, it's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah. I'm kidding. It sounds like a spicy meatball. It's too many spicy meatballs. One I would have been okay with.

This is like a whole pot, and it's hot. Yeah. How old are these soon-to-be divorces? Okay, my theory is they're in their 50s. I'm not 1,000% sure. They both look good. I think they're very nice, and they look very good. So it's tough to say,

um, their voices are very rough too, but I think that might be like just part of Italian culture. I mean, you see, I can't talk, speak to that. Uh,

but, uh, yeah, you know, when people are about to get divorced, their voices get pretty rough yeah how long like because they're in their 50s how old is too old to get a divorce like if you're just like i'll just coast to till death like 40 i hope here's the thing you guys i don't

even know if they're gonna get a divorce their fights seem like they're going to get a divorce. Their fights seem like they might. And the things I've been hearing, it seems like they might. Something might happen. Someone might move out pretty soon. But when I talked to them a couple days ago, everything seemed honky-dory. I've never used that before. That felt weird coming out of my mouth. I hated that. I think you said honky-dory.

I did. Is that not what it is? I think it's honky. That's insane insane i feel nuts yeah honky dory kill me kill me on this podcast please now what what uh sector of toronto are you living in what's what the divorce district i live by christy pitt so i'm in i think i'm on the outskirts like of koreatown and then five minutes in uh the other way i'm in little italy i'm all over the place

oh okay yeah is there a very uh expensive yogurt shop that people line up like 20 down the street is that in christy pitts i i'm gonna look for it now that i what are people lining up for in christy pit yogurt frozen yogurt no i'm asking oh yeah i'm hey i'm i'm willing to learn that's the answer to that question i want to line up for yogurt i love novelty things it's probably shit i can't wait to try oh can i swear yes please no we are strictly you talk about cum but if you say shit uh i'm gonna have to do a bunch of hail mary yeah this is a this is a disney plus podcast so we gotta keep it nice and clean i don't know why in my head it didn't register cum as a bad word or whatever a bad word anyways. Not in my house.

Not what I grew up with. I think it's a beautiful word. I'm going to name my first baby cum. Why? Things to line up for. Yeah, I'm willing to learn. However, I do live across the street from this cafe called the Poop Cafe. Have you guys heard of it?

I've heard of it. Somebody sent some photos it's like it's like a bathroom setup yes um all the seats are toilets all the cups like the coffee mugs are toilets the uh what's weird though is like the the you can order dessert and i ordered ice cream there um and it was in a bathtub i was like this is stupid you fucked up someone made a mistake yeah the couches are are poos kind of similar they look kind of like the ones on your And it was in a bathtub. I was like, this is stupid. You fucked up. Someone made a mistake. Yeah. The couches are poos.

Kind of similar. They look kind of like the ones on your little soda. Yeah. Yeah. But they're just a big couch. And then what happens if you go to the bathroom? Is it shaped like a restaurant inside the bathroom? It is.

It's crazy. They have like menus that you can wipe your ass with. It's very cool. It's very, it's thriving. However, that I saw on tiktok before i moved i was like i know of this poop cafe uh because of tiktok and people were lining up to go to that just because it's like a great background to take where the people that were lining up all like kind of like doing a little dance and holding their go um so this is something we invented on the podcast 10 years yeah we invented a toilet themed restaurant and turns out there's already one in like

taiwan or japan or apparently there's probably hundreds in asia according to well we also the articles we get sent we invented a toilet slash sous vide uh you know maker we call it the boil it toilet oh my god and so anytime we also invented uh you know uh slippers made out of freshly baked bread and and these are things that have come to be to exist so anytime uh any of these happen we get it people sent us send us articles but did you oh yeah you went and you have what do you have like food wise though is it all toilet themed food yeah well it's not toilet themed food which i i feel like they really missed a market there. Like, you could have really gone for, like, I don't know, what, like, foods look like poo. Like, you could have. Sausages.

Yeah. Piles of wheat. Piles of wheat. I mean, it depends what you eat and, like, consistency-wise. You could do a lot with that. But they didn't. I just ordered ice cream. For me, it's just corn.

Just corn. Just corn. lot with that but they didn't i just ordered for me it's just corn just corn just corn and uh maybe a chocolate pudding with a couple lettuce strands piled on top lettuce strands no go to your doctor he won't have me anymore he's like i can't do this yeah you fix your this is an abusive relationship you're're the toxic one, not me. No, I wish they did stuff like that. They have desserts. Like, I think they wanted to go in the direction of not poo things. So people would want to eat and not be grossed out.

I ordered a coffee though. And I was like, well, this can be gross. I feel like, I don't know. I just discovered I'm lactose intolerant and whatever was in my coffee cup isn't too far off from what my toilet looked like when I ate a Dairy Queen Blizzard just to make sure I'm still lactose intolerant. You know what I mean? Is there any milk? I don't know. Oh, man.

How long have you known? By the way, how often do you check to see if you're still lactose intolerant? Oh, God. Monthly? So when did I turn 30? I turned 30 in September, and it was all downhill from there. It literally started. The day I turned 30, I was like, my body hurts.

My stomach hurts. I can't shit. And if I do, but I eat a lot of cheese. I eat a lot of cheese. I don't drink milk i think people who drink milk are insane um that includes baby no babies can do it that's babies can do it yeah we're into it old i feel like old people can do it too because they're on the way out so it's like come on do whatever you want smoke a cigarette drink a whole giant glass of ice cold milk but

like cigarettes are cool if you want to do milk like maybe do like iv it that's even i don't know that would be cool right like drinking milk out of a cup we're over that like done powdered milk do it like lines off of your the back of your toilet things like that now we're talking yeah let's let's start a new restaurant idea milk drug and it's it's milk prepared in different ways for you to uh consume it yeah some of it comes in a little bag so you can uh bring it into prison with you and it's all very expensive for some reason just the powdered milk oh i'd go to this and i'd partake god i'm the worst with this sorry toronto has a lot of these things these weird like pop-up things and strange little

experimental we don't really get that here we don't get like a toilet shop that's just been we have to go to home depot and make our own toilet snacks yeah we there toronto had the garfield restaurant and then the guy who ran the garfield restaurant started another one started a different restaurant i don't know an od boy i want to say it's a beetle bailey let me look at that please send it to me i did not know there was a garfield restaurant this changes everything now what yeah yeah people didn't go for it i don't even think he had lasagna on the menu i think it's just a garfield head shaped pizza and my friend was telling me that he did a thing in Toronto that was like an

experimental thing that Steven Spielberg's company was trying to make. And it was like an immersive virtual reality Ghostbusters room. And it was only in Toronto for like, whatever, three weeks or something. And if you had tickets, you had them. If you didn't,

you just heard about how awesome it was. Like when you blow up the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, the whole room smells like marshmallows. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that immersive. That's so cool. Toronto's got things going on.

They sure do. The only cool thing that I've seen, like it's not similar to that at all, but in the same sort of vein, like, yeah, this is a cool thing that'll be here for a bit. Near my house, they have, it's not similar to that at all but in the same sort of vein like yeah this is a cool thing that'll be here for a bit near my house they have it's it's a room um and it's it has a photo booth in it but basically you can take your own like headshots and portraits i don't even know what it's called oh but it's like yeah you can do family portraits i saw a bunch of like hot teen

not hot teens that sounded terrible i did not mean to say i know what you're talking about hot teens i didn't even know if they were teens they were younger than me so anyone who's younger than me i'm like ugh but just like hot some kind of hot something yeah what the hell is wrong with you you're just hot but a bunch of like hot people going in and like taking cool photos and they're doing it themselves there's like nobody in there running it it's just you and the camera baby yeah i love that i mean obviously at some point portrait photographers were going to get edged out by science but so okay what do you got here dave what did you say about the garfield place what did they not sell lasagna well if you check out scooby-doo eats you can

have the big cow lasagna what is that in toronto yeah uh same owner food disruptor nathan masry see what we're gonna do is we're gonna start with a cartoon and then we're gonna make the restaurant after a lot of just food to take home like you you it's like frozen lasagna that you bring home so this is a real papa john situation i've never had papa john so i don't actually know what they do yeah they would prepare a fresh pizza for you and you would cook it they wouldn't freeze anything oh so yeah because then it would just be a big fridge that you go in like this and then like just a place you can tap your card more stores will be like that in the future right like no people in it whatsoever

a big fridge yeah i think yeah big fridge big uh kind of like dispensing slots and things like that it's gonna be great the future ah why can't it come now so exciting oh there is a robotic coffee shop in toronto i've never gone i walked by it it's by the weed place like can i say weed on this yes please no that's we draw the line at weed uh-uh there's this dispensary and next to it there's you literally you press what you want and it makes a coffee and it just drops down and it's that's the whole shop that's it that's that's that's the shop like that's also something that existed in like the 60s yes like yeah like a coffee matic or whatever there was there was also like the whole thing was um like uh slots basically and you put in your mind what were

they called they they were like like you say they were popular in the 50s i'll i'll remember what it is but it's like it was all coin you remember it from your childhood uh from woody allen's childhood that's me pilfering were they in hockey not hockey stores what are they called where they play hockey arenas

these coffees they were in those yeah they were in the New York coffee arena yeah that used to be a thing just the cup would come down

they had it in Terminator 2 if I recall correctly some guy just gets his head whacked in as soon as he gets his coffee probably deserved it i don't know he did he looked lame yeah what a loser let's kill him that's how that's what terminator when i'm assuming yeah it's terminator came back targeted the biggest loser in town pantsed him in front of the girl he liked kicked sand in his eyes so what are you what are you doing in toronto like you you live in a place that i'm assuming

is safe and secure and a nice place to live and like what are you doing what takes up a day for you in toronto oh boy every day looks different but i mostly moved yeah keeps it fun um i mostly right now i'm doing voice like a lot of voice acting over there which is great okay because a lot of things are closed comedy wise but um i did move because 10 years i can't believe it's 10 years ago yeah 10 years ago i was like i want to move to toronto i love toronto it's the best city in the world. And I just never did it. So I was like, no, I'll do it now. But it's, so a day would look like, sorry,

I don't know if I just had a stroke, but I feel like there's seven different conversations. I started myself. Okay, hold on. Well, I want to hear all seven. Oh, yeah. And I think you had a stroke i think can you call my mom okay or pick me up so sure so uh i wanted to move and i was like i'm gonna

do comedy i want to do i'm gonna do sketch i want to be on tv so i still would like to get into that but right now it's just voice so for voice what I do, some days will look like this. I'll wake up at 1 p.m., realize I have nothing to be up for. So I'll fall back asleep until maybe 3 p.m. Then I'll get up. I'll hate myself a little bit. Like, Raquel, you got to do something. I'll go walk to, like, there's this home hardware I go to because there's a guy there that's really good looking.

Okay. This is progress. Thank you. I'm still putting my plays together, so I'll maybe build something or I'll put a picture up, and then I'll watch a lot of TV and go to sleep. So that's one day. What did you watch?

I've been watching. Have you guys watched The Sex Lives of College Girls? It's very good. It's on Crave. It's Mindy Kaling's new show. Okay. No. I'm watching that um i don't know why i started watching and just like that the new sex in the city because i i never watched sex in the city before i was like i gotta watch i gotta watch this and then i started that's the best time to jump into a show is yeah i hear it's getting really good two movies and an entire

series later. The only reason I wanted to be in the know about this Peloton joke, because do you guys know what happens? Can I say? And just like that. Spoiler alert, if you, nobody cares. I mean, how would anybody not know at this point? It's episode one, right?

Yeah. Episode one. And it's like, that's the reason it's called, and just like that. Because he dies, and then she goes, just like that, Big was dead. Exactly. And he died. How I imagine a lot of people who have heart attacks die is they're kind of,

it's not dramatic. They just kind of walk around and then sit in the corner, and then that's it. That's after Peloton? Yeah, well, most people that i think peloton probably uh was like what the fuck man we don't cause people to have heart attacks he spoke cigars all the time and eat steak blame that don't make us the focus do you guys know much about what happened like a lot of there was a lot of discourse like carrie could have saved him uh but she just kind of like

was like oh no and she held him she didn't call 9-1-1 anyway it was a whole thing it sounds like a manslaughter did you watch it graham i watched that episode okay yeah i watched that episode and then i was like they're still really going for the puns and uh you know now even without samantha and yeah with no samantha so she's have you guys have either of you guys seen the video of the actress is kim cattrall right yeah is it her doing scatting scat music or like beat poetry while her husband plays bass it's the funniest thing on the internet i think it's my favorite i probably go back to it at least once every two weeks just to just to top up what can you remember anything she says there's one line she says and the town never saw such a hullabaloo no no i isn't it like the he bears and the she bears and scooby-doo eats

yeah and it's it's great and she's doing it's like such a christopher guest kind of performance but she's being dead serious about it so it's great it's great if you're if you have two minutes to spare check it out um so tell me more about this guy at the home hardware yeah yeah maybe you guys can help me out. Okay. We've only ever exchanged, I want to say 10 full words to each other. And I've done a lot. So he's, I think, Australian.

I can't tell if he's Australian or British only because we've only exchanged 10 words in total. You know that problem? Anyway. Yeah. You need them to string a sentence together which is which works better for you australian or british hmm that's thank you for asking me that no one really asks that uh anymore and they should british i think is a little bit nicer on the ears yes sure yeah um well australian is i mean look australia produces some very very attractive people it's something in the the fact that they were all prisoners at one time and you know i don't know how their gene pool is so attractive but it is right and so my guess if he's really

attractive we're talking about an australian okay i'm gonna go with that i think he's australian perfect uh you know you do you throw a boomerang in the air and if it lands in his hands We're talking about an Australian. Okay. I'm going to go with that. I think he's Australian. Perfect. You know what you do? You throw a boomerang in the air, and if it lands in his hands... But if it comes back to me, then I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If it comes back to me, never meant to be. Yeah, that sucks. That sucks.

I hope it kills me if it comes back. Yeah. So this guy, this guy works at the Home Depot. I've gone in. I had to buy. Sorry. It was home. It's home hardware, right?

It's home hardware. Excuse me. Sorry. I meant. Yeah. Yeah. There's no Home Depot. Just in case people.

Okay. No, I don't know. Maybe these people want to see, set their eyes on this hunky Australian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, in that that case it's a home depot ladies keep walking south african guy yeah no so i went in to buy a toilet plunger that was the first thing i i needed i'm going to a, so give me one of those.

Oh, it's not for me. It's for a friend. And I wish I said that. Yeah, it's a wedding present. For our wedding. He always, you know, he's so kind. He always checks in. Do you need anything?

Need any help? You look confused. One time he told me I looked confused, and I did. I was looking for those wall stickies where because i'm not a lot of drill holes in my wall which is fine same here right do you know how to drill holes though i don't so i'm like i don't know why i'm so upset do i know how yes have i done it successfully ever no two very different you are you allowed to hang pictures with can can you hammer nails? No, we're not, because it's plaster.

So we're not supposed to, you're supposed to use those command strips. Yes. Which, yeah. Which work. They work great. Where do you get them? Home hardware? Yeah, home hardware.

You get them at a depot. If you're driving by a Canadian tire, they may have them. Home sense might have a cool looking one. Um, I think this guy sounds like if he keeps asking you what do you need and stuff? I think maybe he's sweet on you. Yeah. Yeah. How do you break the ice though?

In that situation? What's, what's the good in? That's the thing. i don't know you should ask him you should show him a knife and be like hey i have a knife but i have a small one and then it'll settle first of all if he's australian yeah that's right and also and uh he'll want to that's also that's also how my wife and i met wait what measuring yeah she was she was uh trying to steal my wallet and she cut me up real bad oh but now you guys are together it's beautiful yeah it's really nice yeah it was meant

to be i have a few follow-up questions about this knife for my scenario sorry to make it about me again you're already happily married let's get this guy uh happily engaged to this maybe australian guy maybe australian yeah is the knife from jesus from home hardware or is it my own i think you can yeah i was picturing that there would be like what's the kind of knife they sell there i don't know exacto yeah exacto one of those things that's like the oh you made it so you bought it an exacto knife i did did he say that's not a knife no he didn't help he rung me it like he was my cashier for that purchase. The plunger, he helped. Like, oh, can I help you with anything?

I'm like, I'm just looking for a plunger. And he pointed to where I should go. But then for the X-Acto knife, it was, so I should maybe come in. Okay, no, this is great. I will bring the X-Acto knife that I purchased and be like, remember this guy? Yeah. What do you call this? Hold it really towards his

face as much as possible real close i wanted to kiss his cheek and then see what happens i love it now exacto knives they have uh like you can snap off the ends right and like yeah they have like they're scored in a way there's like those and what are the ones that are like a silver one with the razor on the end you don't talk about those are i also call those exactly that's exactly like art art supply style yeah i'm i'm yeah those are but i'm thinking of the ones that have like that you kind of like push out and you can snap off the ends have you ever snapped off the end of one too scared way yeah no i've never i've i i i'm not doing that much cutting like yeah i'm breaking down cardboard maybe twice a year i also uh if i get a tape

measure out too far i'll just leave it i'm not gonna press that thing and have it come back and hit me i'm sure yeah forget it that's the measuring tapes problem at that point you figure it out walk away that's it yeah um so you do voice work are you doing it from home or do you go into a studio or or what's the what's the other way that works when i book something i go into a studio oh yeah okay so back to a day what does a day look for that's right here we go yes yeah so if i book something um i will i'll wake up early i'll be a productive human being i'll make myself coffee and i'll go straight to that studio and i'll record for a few hours then i leave and then i go home and i just watch tv and i fall asleep so that's another day that's another day but all all my auditions yeah daily life very exciting and then auditions i do all at

home in my closet because i have like a walk-in closet it's not a walk-in but i fit or what do you what are we talking about are you a voice on a train system are you a cartoon yeah do you do yeah do you do uh are you animals are you babies yeah what are the what are the creatures you are yeah what creatures are you? Currently trying to break into the baby market. That's my dream. I'm on a couple cartoons. And I just did a McDonald's campaign.

Nice. And my family, it's like, I don't know. Family is my family. And it doesn't really understand what I do. They're like, I don't i don't know family is my family and it doesn't really understand what i do they're like i don't get it how do you how do you make money what do you when you're not working do you just what do you do so i told like no i did a mcdonald's thing and if they could see it and they can visualize oh that's what she's doing so they're very excited about it so i was like yes now you know what i do for a living uh but i do a voice in a commercial i do commercials yeah i do commercials um and cartoons what mcdonald's what mcdonald's products

you're hawking yeah we're talking about the mid mcrib coming back full time or uh guys i wish i wish i had cool mcdonald's secrets are you kidding me i also wish i would have been willing to get paid in like mc written on maybe not mcribs maybe not that but uh no the one i did was for a mc rewards program i don't even know what it is yeah fair enough um they they had they introduced all day breakfast and then during uh all this time so they've canceled it and they haven't brought it back yet. So all day breakfast. Yeah, they have. Huh? Well, I can get a McMuffin anytime I want. You can?

Yeah. Oh, I thought that I heard that it had been the only. They got rid of McGriddles. What? Oh. Which I loved. Oh. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Is it Big Griddle, the one that has like a pancake instead of a? It's pancake buns. Yeah. With a pancake instead of a it's pancake buns yeah the with a little bit of maple syrup inside and then uh egg and cheese and whatever you don't need meat you can just say no meat for me no meat just toss me a mcgriddle right in my mouth don't even bother wrapping it up just throw it at the window i'll catch it like a frisbee i'm gonna talk to mr mcdonald for you maybe uh see if i could get the the old mcgriddle back on the menu if you could say a word uh yeah when you're um hawking mcrewards now do you find because i've

done some like not voiceover stuff but i've done like voiceover auditions where they put you in a studio and they're so there's no noise there's no sound except you only thing you can hear is your own like swallowing and stuff like that yeah dude does that freak you out that freaked me out it did a long so i've been doing it since i was 14 so back then it really did but it took a while for me to like get used to the the silence is awful i don't like yeah yeah and then usually the the headphones are so tight too like uh it's so you you're hearing yourself so much louder and i yeah i didn't like it at first now i'm just like man whatever i'm into it i'm kind of into it actually now yeah yeah yeah she? It's just nice to have a little bit of silence in the studio. Now,

when you were, when you were a youth performer, was, uh, were your folks driving you to these auditions or, well, how did this all work? Yes.

So I would leave school. Uh, and sometimes my mom would drive me. My dad never did, but my mom would. And then it got to the point where she's like, I can't leave work anymore. Here's $20. Take it. and sometimes my mom would drive me. My dad never did, but my mom would. And then it got to the point where she's like, I can't leave work anymore.

Here's $20, take a taxi. So I would do that. Yeah, cool. And I was 14. So a lot of the times, like legally, you can't be 14 and on set or whatever. But there were a few times where I snuck by. Nice. Did you wear like a mature hairstyle or something like that so they were like yeah don't worry she's she's cool she's 26

yeah why can't 14 year olds legally be on set yeah i think because they're under age and you have to be 18 no what's the age there's an age where it all stops and you can go to set by yourself oh yeah yeah yeah. You have to accommodate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're not saying that like if you watch a movie about, you know, little kids, they're not all the little kids aren't just 18 year olds. I feel like they were sort of. If you watch James Dean, it looks like a fully like 45 year old man and he's supposed to be 17. Or Riverdale.

All of them. Good God. Yeah. What a hunky cast though or muppet babies big one yeah so because nanny never existed in the muppets universe does that mean she's dead she has to be yeah now by now she's definitely dead because she was old back then but or was she was she? Was she old? Did she ever speak? Voiced by Barbara Billingsley.

How did you know that? As with some trivia. Trivia. Because I know trivia. Who was, she played Beaver Cleaver's mother. Ah, yes. June Cleaver. Speaking of like old movies i watched have you ever seen it's a mad mad mad world no it's like a i've listened to the tom cochran

album yes that's what it's about that tom cochran ripped it off of this movie um no it's like uh remember the movie rat race yes it was like it was the movie that rat race was based on like all these crazy characters yeah i know the simpsons episode that that is based on it yeah i know of it but when i was watching it i was like oh so much of this comedy is people yelling over each other that that's like and apparently they all had to record their voices offset because it didn't make it just didn't make any sense what they were saying it just kept spiking all the time um but yeah i feel like back then people just they looked older back then you know like uh it's just there

was a lot of drinking there was the war. There was. A lot of stuff to look forward to. And they really. Like Greece. Weren't they all old too? That's what I'm picturing. Stalker Channing. A lot of TikToks about.

This was a teen back then. I'm like. Yeah. It was. Anyway. She was probably in her late 20s at least in that movie I think she was one of the yeah I think she was the oldest one of the crew

nice did you do you like Grease are you a big musical head I love musicals I loved Grease and then when I was introduced to other musicals I was like you can take a break I'll watch Grease every few years

I'm like oh yeah this and then be like okay but yeah I love musicals do you guys like musicals? love them Dave loves one in particular he knows all the songs from it but I don't think I could sit through les mis as much

as i love the songs i don't you don't think you get myself ever devoting two hours to it yes no i quite love uh musicals i'm not interested in the new west side story i must admit that to me i don't know i don't know that the first one was all that good, but I don't have time in person but every time i've been to new york i've gone to at least two musicals so what's your what's your go-to raquel my go-to and it's you know it's a it's a popular one it's hairspray hairspray is my favorite musical yeah i know all the songs i know all the the dance moves which is embarrassing because i still do them um i know i know mom i love hairspray and i like to eponine's one of my favorite characters ever yeah eponine slaps eponine rules uh we stan eponine yes we stan yeah we stan is she the one who shaves her head no who's the one with the who was uh anne hathaway oh god

not cosette cosette's mom cosette's mom played by the one who played nanny same same person barbara billingsley yeah she only played parental figures umkel, would you ever shave your head? Yeah. Yes. I've thought about this recently, and I think I would. Part of me wants to just see what it would look like if I kept my bangs, because I don't think I'm getting rid of my bangs anytime soon. That would rule.

Taking care of everything but the bangs. Right? Like, I've never seen it. Unless you guys have seen a photo of someone bald with bangs, then humble me. But I've never seen it. And I'd love to do that. Yeah. Yeah.

We stand bald with bangs. I heard that. Oh, my God. Yeah, BBWs. Bald bang women. Bald bang women. BWWs. Buffalo Wildwood. yeah bbws ww's buffalo wildwood um i think it's like that's like a punk look yeah okay if you uh i think the one of the gals on degrassi had it yeah if you keep the banks and maybe keep the little uh like uh four locks okay i see what you're saying. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll shave my head after this. I'll let you guys know. I'll send you pics. You'd probably get like, you'd probably get like specialized roles.

They would probably be like, you're really good for punk three in this movie. You know, what a dream to open up a whole new, what are the big shaved head women shaving their head of our generation uh g.i jane g.i jane classic nate o'connor of course shenae o'connor sure uh natalie portman and v for vendetta that's what it was i'm like natalie portman did something and didn't iman did she was bald for a time, wasn't she?

I don't remember. And then I want to say. Of course, Anne Hathaway as Cosette's mom. As mom. Cosette's mom. What's her character? Fontaine. Nice.

Fontaine? Fontaine? Fontaine. Fontaine. I think it's Fontaine. Nice. Fontaine? Fontaine? Fontaine. Fontaine. I think it's Fontaine. What is she? What is she? What's her song?

I dreamed a dream in time gone by. Geez, I dreamed a dream. Right. Who's bald? I want to know more bald people of our generation. I can't sift through. The woman who the lead singer of the Cranberries she had a shaved head

at a time oh sure um who else I so I watch this show I watch this show RuPaul when not done up in an outfit bald yep so I think that counts I think that counts uh and then

huh now that I'm dave have you looked this up are there any ones we've missed oh you know sigourney weaver damn it i hate myself for having missed that when did that happen this might be a stupid question oh okay one of the aliens yeah alien 3 maybe oh god i uh my my kids watch this show called Alexa and Katie on Netflix, which is it stars two teenage girls and their mother is played by

what's her name? Michelle Pfeiffer. Kelly Kapowski. Oh, Tiffany. Tiffany Amber Thiessen. Yeah. So it's the story of these two best friends and one of them gets cancer they're teenagers and and shaves her head and the other one or like lose their hair and and the other one her best friend shaves her head and this show has

the worst wigs in the history of television so the bald wigs are just the like their heads all clunky yeah the heads it's like they have to do a lot of like okay well she's wearing a duke today because the bald wigs look like you know alien nation on fox and then they go through like even like okay so this is like a couple months later so her hair is growing back so we have to do like a very short wig on top of her so is it purposely not purposely bad like it's an accident like they're actually trying and they're just bad wigs yeah i mean the kids have big hair and they had to just cover it up yeah because in season two which i'm sure they shot a week after season one their hair is growing

growing back so they're back to regular hair have you ever heard about the guy uh that played dr x in the reboot of x-men that he got the part of dr savior and showed up the first day on set he'd already shaved his head and they were like uh this is a prequel so his his head still has hair wow that's embarrassing so we're gonna need you to unshave your head we're gonna ask you to take oh god cringe as the teens would say yeah how do you know what the teens are up to you know that they're hot first of all i know that they say i spend way too much time on tiktok hours hours are you on it do you do you do those things on it no no no no no i'm not there yet i'm not brave enough i can't i don't yeah it's too much it'll be cringe if you did and i can't have a bunch of teens being like she's cringe i probably kill myself can i No, you can't say that. Damn it. I can go back.

I would probably get someone to kill me. There you go. No, I couldn't do it. You couldn't say it. I couldn't do it. No, no. Being made fun of by teens is probably, that's going to be up there with just death itself and public speaking and that kind of stuff.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah but oh man like in public speaking you're not allowed to do public speaking in front of kids because you're not allowed to picture them naked that's true hey that's the law man the law is the law um past guest glenn wool had a joke about he's like i want to have that uh you know sexual predator registry just so on airplanes that kids have to stay a certain amount of distance away from me that's genius i didn't even know that was a thing i might you know what no i won't but i'll think about it after this rachel you better not why come on no no i think you could maybe get a fake one to get on flight that's what yeah yeah yeah for sure the way that like people are like yeah this is my uh companion animal i

have uh i don't know uh fear of commitment um see yeah there's definitely like i see a lot more dogs on the train than i used to there's like people taking their dogs on the train i feel like the train is gross enough but maybe it's gross enough that dogs can get involved too and it'll just be like a disaster every which way yeah are dogs gross dogs can be pretty gross. Like, you know, they do stuff that you wish they wouldn't. You do stuff that you wish you could. It's true. I had that thought recently.

So dogs are allowed on the train. Hey, this is a very genuine. I noticed it a lot in Toronto, actually. I'm like, there are a lot of animals on this train they're a lot just like on a leash oh no they like tapped in themselves with their own presto that is so cute i would i wouldn't even bat an eyelash i'd be like yeah good for you go to your dog job go wherever you gotta go no but like i noticed something and then i because you know bikes aren't allowed on the train i I thought are dogs allowed on the train?

I guess people aren't riding dogs. I answered my own question. Cut it. Cut this chunk of dialogue for sure. What's a dog that you think you could ride? Like what's a dog big enough that you could get on it? Great Dane. Great Dane?

Yeah. Scooby-Doo. Scooby-Doo. That's right. I would argue a German Shepherd. I would argue my own dog. I've tried sitting on him for a picture um and it didn't hurt him or anything but my brother got really angry at me

so i got okay what kind of dog are we talking here he's an australian shepherd and a corgi which is the most in my i'm like that's such a fucked up mix but maybe it's not i don't know yeah i think aust think Australians can make, they can mix with anybody. That's the great thing about them. Very, very versatile. Hey,

uh, uh, well, Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, big week,

big week. Here we go. You shaved your head. You grow it back. Uh, and all the day I had good luck um i i got my booster shot oh hell yeah the other day and i we've we've had terrible weather here well we had some fun fun snow and then it took forever for the snow to melt yeah and we really landed in that like

slush ice zone for the ice was it was like just walking the dog through the neighborhood there were so many corners where the ice was like you could surf on it it was like wobbly up and down ice yeah um i nearly bailed several times like bail to the point that my foot was as high as my head like almost tilting over yeah there were there were bits where i was like okay so it looks like this patch of ice ahead of me this is one where i'm going to have to just get a lot of momentum and slide over it because if i if i try to take steps on it i will wipe out out. Yeah. So it was Saturday night. I went live from New York, right?

Yes. It was Saturday night. Forever. Forever. Raquel's dying. Raquel's dying. Let me die. Please.

Yes. Nobody call 911. This is her first TikTok is her is her dying and just like that raquel is dead yes uh and we so i went i parked like uh downtown uh it was at the convention center and i didn't want to park near the convention center so i parked like a 10 minute walk away and it was snowy and rainy it was like the day where it was like crossing over from snow to rain and i put on this old um like winter coat big long wool coat that i had that i hadn't worn in a while and i uh walking down and i reached in the pocket

and i had all these dog poop bags oh yeah from from my old dog who died three years ago and it's been three years oh my god and i know maybe two in a bit and these bags are there i've talked about it on the show they say they're biodegradable but they're plastic i was like there's no way these are biodegradable except a couple years later you reach in your pocket and there's just plastic powder. Oh, really? Yeah. So really their claim is legit. Yeah.

And so I found a garbage can and threw them all in there. But as I'm walking the 10 minutes, I'm just like my every time I put my hand in my pocket it comes out just coated in green plastic powder and so like i'm wiping my hands as i'm walking and then i finally get to the convention center and it's an hour from like it's a 45 minute wait to get your shot and then you sit for 15 minutes but the whole time i in line, I just keep pulling out more and more just plastic powder. And I was like, oh, this is good. I want this.

Like when I go home, I'm going to stick a vacuum tube. Yes. In like into the pocket. But for now, I'll just keep pulling it out. And I realized I must've looked like I was like spreading anthrax or something. Yeah a little bit here a little bit there a little light

terrorism yeah anyway so i got my shot and uh felt fine that night and then the next day i did i felt very woozy and i was like i'm gonna watch on TV, but maybe not something I care about. Something that if I fall asleep, no big deal. Yeah. And a few months ago, I was like, I saw that Columbo was on TV and I set a few recordings for Columbo because I was like, I hear Columbo is actually good. It's fun. Columbo is fun.

So I watched a Columbo, my first Columbo. What'd you think? Saturday. Have you ever seen Columbo Raquel? Passively. I had an uncle who would watch it. And whenever they'd babysit, I would just kind of like,

I don't know, do Legos. And it would be, I could not tell you any plot point whatsoever, but I do know that. There's always the same plot. Basically. It's, it's,

it's, uh, Peter Falk is Columbo. Okay. And he, uh, is like, uh,

detective who solved. Oh, and they always show you the murder at the beginning. Yeah. That's the other thing I know is that you, you know what the crime is and he has to solve it. fun. Yeah,

it is fun. And it was it was uh the one i watched was janet lee uh from psycho yeah uh kills her husband and um and colombo solves it yeah i love it each and every week as reliable as a clock. And I watched it. It was fine. But it was like, I had a couple recorded. And then after that, I didn't fall asleep during that. And I watched another one the next day. And I was like, maybe my new thing is going to be, I'm going to be watching Columbo. Yeah.

Yeah, become a Columbo head. I watched the second one and I was like no i don't want to watch anymore colombo i used to watch it when i was sick and then it it changed the time that it broadcast it was at six so i'd watch it pretty much every day and they're all completely it's the same with like law and order like they have the template you've slotted in some different actors and he every time he plays it like he's absent-minded like he's he's dumb and he doesn't know what's going on that and then people reveal stuff to him because they think he's this idiot and then he starts putting together and then he always like okay well i'm out of here and then he turns around goes just one last thing and that's

when he drops the bomb on him that he solved the case and so the uh the second one i watched was from so the first one i watched was from 1975 the second one i watched was from 1990 and i was like how long did this show run and it i because i thought it was just like you know whateverford Files or some weekly detective show. Right. And it wasn't. It was like they were made for TV movies. Yes. Yeah, there would be one every, like, a couple times a year. Yeah, like the movie of the week, Columbo. And yeah, they would make like six a year. Wow. Yeah. I'm honestly, I'm very surprised that they haven't rebooted Columbo. Is that, it seems like a good format. it would be

a good colombo mark ruffalo ruffalo would be a good colombo he's hot i'd watch it because of him yeah well peter falk was hot that's why we all watch yeah that's why we are who's somebody that like permanently has like a five o'clock shadow feel like you need that to be in the in the role and also looks good with a cigar. And also has one eye. One glass eye. So, yeah, we've winnowed down the pool to, I guess, Peter Falk. Peter Falk should come back. Honestly, I'm looking at pictures of him now.

I'd still hit it. Is he alive? He might be dead. No, he's passed away, but he, yeah, he's a snack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, but it was the, he's a snack. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah.

But it was the same with Law and Order. Like, I think I've seen every episode of the original Law and Order. Who's the guy, Vincent D'Onofrio from Law and Order could be a good Columbo. He'd be a great Columbo. Yeah. And then, like, somebody short, like, because he's shorter than everybody Columbo. So, like, a Kevin Hart? he's a tiny guy no don't say it you don't wish it into existence what if they're all sitting somewhere right now and kevin hart they've given him the script and he's like all right i'm about

to this is the table read let's see if we can make this work what if that's happening oh you know in some universe it's happening and uh i want to be there yeah either when they put out the result the weird thing was there was a b plot in the uh 70s colombo i watched where it was like colombo doesn't shoot guns and he's like batman in that way the world's greatest detective and he like got someone was like the computer uh uh says that you haven't been to the gun range in five years you're supposed to go every six months to get recertified and he's like i have one more thing maybe something's wrong with the computer it was like one more thing he feels around his pockets and then he pulls out the middle finger and the police officer's like uh he's like maybe

the computer's wrong and the police officer's like well i'll check and then so they keep having people uh they keep having like oh a different policeman comes up to him later he's like hey uh you actually have to take your gun test your shooting test i'm just about to step on the elevator okay well okay and then like a detective another detective is like uh tailing him and then catches him and is like take your gun test and then finally another detective shows up and he's like yeah colombo asked me to show up and colombo says hey take my gun test for me and that's it you never hear about it again wow that is cool i want them to bring back colombo now yeah cool yeah and it was like it was a fun because it was it was just him acting

like he was a stupid guy all the time so that's why they probably believed him that he kept forgetting about his gun thing oh yeah i forget anyways i'll do it later everybody you know misjudges young colombo yes um they'll probably bring it back they'll probably make a female colombo that would be nice who's a good who's would be like the female equivalent of colombo geez well that one's gonna take that's gonna be a thinker that's gonna take a while to answer that question what's her name from pitch perfect um but i don't know i could be completely off base again i don't watch colombo i don't know. I could be completely off base again. I don't watch Columbo. I don't know. You know, we can cut the baby boys.

We won't do that. Rebel Wilson. Oh, I don't know if he's, she's good at playing dumb. I don't know. I just watched pitch perfect three and it was a nightmare, but Oh yeah.

Yeah. I don't know if Columbo, you know, I'm not going to be a casting director. I give up. I quit. It's obviously not Rebel Wilson. Who's a short Italian person. It could be like a Columbo?

Joe Pesci. Let's get him on the phone. Wait, that would actually be adorable. That would be amazing. He'd be an even older Columbo. Fine, I'll do it. I'll be Columbo already. Columbo.

Old man. Old man edition. Anyway, so I'm a big Columbo old man, old man edition. Anyway. So I'm a big Columbo head. Now I'm addicted to it. The second one to the club. The second one I watched was about, didn't really have anyone famous.

And I had a lot of like people I recognize. Yeah. Uh, but it didn't have like a star in it. Uh, but it was from 1990 and it was about a guy who like runs a playboy style magazine and has a playboy mansion. And he had,

they have like pagers like he, he and his business partner who owned this magazine, they have these gold pagers that they wear around their wrist. And when they get a page, they open it up. And, oh, I've just received a page. But because it was 1998 and they couldn't put digital messages on things, it was clearly just a strip of paper that says, come over or whatever. Oh, man.

Owning a mansion like Hugh Hefner. Pretty gross, all in all. This is probably the grossest mansion around. I mean, if Marilyn Manson has a mansion. Marilyn Manson? I hate how hard I laughed at that. Yeah.

Anyway, we're accepting offers. Who's going to be the new Columbo? And what's going on with you, Graham? So, not a lot. I must admit, not a lot. But this past week, the woman from theranos that lady she was sentenced this week do you know this lady i don't think there's no lady she was elizabeth something yeah she's elizabeth something she was turtleneck she was in the

documentary about the blood blood what i don't think i know what happened she only wore turtlenecks that was the fun that was kind of the silliest part she was a blonde lady with a deep voice hi i'm a blonde lady with a deep voice the voice really caught me off guard there are no no there was a document what was the documentary called? The Founder? No, that might be the prankster. Original prankster. Theranos was this company that had this technology that was going to be testing your blood every day. Instead of having to get a needle and then withdraw so much blood,

you just put your hand in the box from Dune and it gets poked a million times and they take a bunch of blood samples and send it to walgreens and you find out uh oh your blood sugar is low you should have a sandwich yeah you should have a snickers this is the best commercial i've ever seen in my life heard in my life but she like so she was they became this kind of favorite of media she she was on like all like charlie rose and she was on like cnn and she was hailed as the next steve jobs and like she obviously modeled herself after steve jobs so her thing was this box this box you put in the the little capsule in the box and all the tests will be done

inside this box and they'll give you a result and you can go in the states because you have to pay for everything you get medicine in the states you could have like a menu thing and you basically say like i just want the test for this or i just want the test for that instead of them running a battery of every test which takes a lot of time takes a a lot of money. But the whole impetus for this whole journey was that she's like, you know how people don't like getting needles? And then I was like, it went on and on. I was like, this is still just a dumb thing that's

allowing people not to have needles. Like, we already have the equipment to do all the blood stuff. It just needs more blood. So she was just kind of appealing to, like, the weenie market, the wimpy crowd. If you're scared of needles to like the weenie markets with a wimpy crowd um if you're scared of needles i don't mean to say you're wimpy but oh no you're wimpy get no no let's be adults here yeah you can look at a needle no that's you know if you hey people

listening don't come for them come for for me. Sorry, I interrupted you. Continue. Continue. It's of no importance. So anyways. It's such a weird thing. Like, do you, like, Raquel is sitting here listening to us. Because we've both seen a documentary about this lady.

But, like, it's such a hard thing to describe what her grift was. Yeah, so she turned out to be this total con artist. So the machine didn't work. And so she would take blood. She would take it the old way. She wouldn't personally take it. She stole everyone's blood. She would sink her teeth into the neck of a young virgin.

That's exactly where I thought it was going. I knew it. But they ended up having to extract the blood the old way. And instead of using the machine, she just sent it to a lab. And then she said, here are your results. A Labrador retriever. Yes, in the lab. If he liked your blood, he'd sniff it and lick it a bit.

And if he didn't, you were in trouble. Uh-oh. That blood. Yeah. liked if he liked your blood he'd sniff it and lick it a bit and if he didn't you were in trouble um yeah and so she was a complete con artist she stayed the course of this this con all the way to trial like she's she's like i you know i believe in the thing that was how we did it we but everybody knows she didn't so she's just like this like this liar that's just like i keep saying it's true maybe they'll screw up and i'll be the hero but isn't there a point where you're caught you're caught hey man look at uh the past president of america did that guy ever admit to any lies i don't think so. I mean, I could do a whole five minutes about this guy. My favorite thing is that she wore a turtleneck every day.

So she wouldn't, she said, I don't have time. And I was like, yeah, okay. But to get like six different colors of turtleneck, just like that won't take any more time than just a black turtleneck. Jazz it up. You know what i mean graham we we do not go after women's appearances on the show that's true but i do con artists okay no no no what no i just had a question so yes please she

wore she wore turtlenecks because she didn't have time to like purchase anything else or because that was a convenient. I bought them all in the airport gift shop. I guess to not make decisions every morning about what to wear. Okay. Cause I'm like turtlenecks are not easy to put on. If anything, it takes me like five minutes to get my, I'm not even joking. Like this stupid thing. I got stuck.

I get stuck in turtlenecks often, frequently. Yeah. But anyway, so, so I was just trying to understand her thought process. I want to put myself in her shoes. Steve Jobs always wore the same thing.

And Mark Zuckerberg wears the same thing every day. But like, they're gross. Those guys are gross. Admit it. They're gross. Wearing the same thing every day. Yeah.

You know, gross. And like in Steve Jobs, he didn't wear any shoes. They wouldn't, they're gross wearing the same thing every day yeah you know gross and like in steve jobs he didn't wear any shoes they wouldn't they're not gross they don't wear the same item ever prove it she was a liar about the the theranos machine maybe she's like i have a whole closet full of black ones but like after like a week people are like oh jesus christ yeah oh hey didn't you is there mustard on your turtleneck yes uh didn't you you have a hot dog like three days ago i have a hot

dog every day that's how i save times on deciding what to have i save time I saved time yeah honestly like I don't I if like I don't really care about it doesn't take me long to decide what to wear but I definitely like stress out every day about what am I going to eat today

yeah that's true I'm bored I'm bored of food yeah there is like foods out there i haven't had but are there any new foods that are being invented like there's lots of them exist out there i don't know but is there like there's this toilet restaurant you should check out interesting go on yeah how's the lemonade there oh you know i haven't even seen if they have lemonade on their menu now that then i'd be sold i'd be like forget it you guys did it all right you got lemonade comes in a cup with a lid on it like at the doctor oh yeah yeah that'd

be cool i'm gonna pitch that to them when i go back next week i mean guys i've got a business plan for you now i hear that around the corner fudge is made oh what a beautiful was that a poem what is that a ride like uh milk milk milk milk lemonade yeah yeah uh fudge is made i think katie perry did turn it into a legitimate song She fucking would Fuck her I'm sorry that pissed me off Why would she turn it into We were so happy with it as it was

Yeah She's the opposite of Theranos It must take her all day to figure out what to wear Because she wears such elaborate get ups Let me see if I can find this Milk Milk Lemonade song Is it really a thing are you you lying no no she did gross katie what the hell's going on in your head yeah she needs to

relax take a nap katie perry what you can wake up for it no problem this isn't a death threat i won't do that but like yeah like just take a break. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know much. We have to be so extra, Katy Perry. Yeah. Here it is. Here it is. I read poetry and sonnets. This is it. Here we go.

And he plays the upright bass. Yama ki piebo, sedere fekebo, in dog Latin he quotes, you should suffer so much. Well, he bit all the he-dogs and winked at all the she dogs the town never knew such a hullabaloo as that little dog raised till the end of that day no yeah that's it that rules the town never saw such a hullabaloo dot ca uh now here's here's milk milk lemonade oh yeah you have something to say no i was just gonna ask if i don't know much about uh scatting um so that's obviously not what scatting is right like call me crazy tell me i'm no that's poetry that she's like

she's not skiminy boppity. Okay. Yeah. She's not. She's not Cab Calloway is what we can say for sure. Oh. Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the backs with chocolates made. Milk, milk, lemonade. Round the backs with chocolates made. Milk, milk, lemonade.

That's good. That is good. Is this Daz Mike?'s made milk milk lemonade this is fake right You wanna wet your whistle, come and have a drink. I just called you. This is fake, right? No. Cool as a cucumber, you're coming on to me. You say you got the right best balance on this tree. My honey, doin' your banana, make the tree. It's not a joke.

She didn't do this as a joke. It's real. It's unreleased. Unreleased unreleased from teenage group wow anyway okay yeah what do i expect from somebody who married russell brand i forgot about that twice no i just i believe it oh my god, I think I have a new wedding song. That's for sure. She's funny. You hire Kim Cattrall to come to your wedding?

Just do it. Just go and feel. Do whatever's natural. He dogs and she dogs. Call the balloon. Yeah, tell me what the town had never seen. These are the things I'm interested in. This is going to be the best wedding ever.

Guys, should we move on to some overheards? Sure. Here we go. I'm John Moe. My show, Depresh Mode, is all about mental health. And this week, I talk with Amanda Knox. She spent four years in an Italian prison for a murder she didn't commit. That's a lot of trauma.

And she's okay talking about it. If I touch on something that you'd rather not get into, just say so, we'll cut the whole exchange out. But it also seems like you're pretty open about a lot of things. Yeah, yeah. I am having trouble imagining anything that you could talk to me about. I know, I know. What are we going to throw Amanda Knox with?

Depressed Mode with John Moe, only on Maximum Fun. For over a decade, MaxFunCon has been an incredible weekend of learning, connecting, and laughing with folks in the MaxFun community. And, if all goes according to plan, the last regularly scheduled MaxFunCon will take place in Lake Arrowhead from June 3rd to June 5th, 2022. We have a very limited number of tickets remaining. To make them available to the maximum number of people, we'll be opening our waitlist for tickets on January 23rd at 5pm Pacific. That'll be your chance to be first in line to purchase tickets, and we'll go down the waitlist until we're at capacity. More details at MaxFunCon.com. And mark your calendars for Sunday, January 23rd at 5 p.m. Pacific.

Overheard. Here we go. Overheard's a segment in which if you're lucky enough to hear a little bit of gold, then spin it for us. Bring it over to us. We will enjoy it. You can send it to spy at maximumfund.org and raquel we always like to start with the guest do you have an overheard i do um it's it's uh an interesting one i'll tell you that much i'm i'm i'm finding myself lately in the position of like a lot of like older couples uh bickering or fighting and this is one of those

things okay so so uh i passed out on the i'm staying with my parents right now i passed out on the couch um very briefly and i woke up to my parents arguing about which tv show they should watch for some context my dad big ancient aliens fan loves those like fucking car shows where it's like man's garage like can't get enough of that yeah my mom hates it i my mom likes like this is us what else does she watch family feud anything that's you know easily digestible she would rather die than listen to uh what's the guy's name from ancient aliens say another word so anyways i woke up to and i wrote it out not even for this just to have to remember forever i'm like these are my parents maybe i'll read this one day and use it for something i don't

know yeah but i do have it written out my dad my mom, can we please watch something good? And my dad says, how can you not like this? This is what I do. This is who I am. And if you don't like it, that means you don't like me. My dad works for BCAA.

He's a tow truck, tow truck driver. And he's saying this about this show called iron resurrection, where they build, uh, and revamp like, like old Mustangs and like dumb cars like that. I'm not a car guy, guys.

I don't drive. I'm not a car guy either. But he was so passionate and he wasn't like getting angry. He was just like, this is who I am. If you can't accept this, you don't accept me. And I was like, this is the, I gotta go to bed. I took another edible and I went to bed.

I could not be in that room anymore but yes that's my overheard thank you for listening i love that because like i feel like doing comedy anytime there's stand-up comedy in tv shows it's like the fakest like uh they depict it in a way that's just like that's this just not how stand-up comedy works and it like every comedian watches like funny people or right whatever like uh was the tom hanks one punchline in which they had a locker room backstage yeah at the locker room backstage and they nitpick it but i feel like if you're a car guy who who works with cars you're you do not do that to car shows you love car shows all of them car shows feed feed the need for speed

there's a yeah there's a lot yeah then there's a lot you're right like there's a a lot of shows that are just about metal like there's blacksmithing shows and bit make a sword make a knife i hate them my dad loves them there's a there's a channel that's boy is it like speed tv and it's just it's not even like that kind of car show it's just like about like drag racing and then they'll just show you a 36 hour car auction i want oh god but saying that if there was a station that was just 90 day fiance i would subscribe to that channel yeah well that's your it's who you are that's who i am you're a 90 day fiance i can't handle that. You can't handle me. The last time I was at my parents,

because they have it. And what, what, whatever the channel is, TLC, I guess. For 90 day, yeah.

They just run like 12 episodes of one of their shows back to back. And one of the shows that was back to back was called thousand pound sisters. Yes. One of them is keeping up a lot more of that thousand pounds than the other i think the other oh is it like a 800 pound person yeah it's not it's not an even split and it looks like an awful show and these people are being exploited um but i don't understand i don't understand the viewer of it like at least 90 fiance fireworks people getting in uh arguments uh figuring out each other's cultures but like the big thing was these these sisters were gonna go on a holiday that was it that sounds nice that is nice yeah now i think of it does sound nice i do like that

they do run marathons because it i find that it uh then it defines your hotel stay oh for sure this was this my weekend in uh topeka was defined by you know drivers dining and dives exactly guys grocery games is my favorite oh i feel so blessed whenever that's my hotel show. Or Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, too. I think my hotel for Food Network has got to be Beat Bobby Flay if they got a series of those going. But yeah, for TLC, got to make it a 90-day fiancé. Did I ever tell you I saw the Guy Fieri car? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

the Guy Fieri car. Yeah. Yeah. He was driving. It was driving down 16th Avenue and I was behind it and I was like, oh, that looks a lot like the car from Diners Drive-Ins and Things.

And then it had a California license plate that says whatever, Donkey Sauce. D-N-K-Y-S-U. I don't know. It's some like personalized license plate. Donkey sauce. I love it.

So yeah, because he doesn't, obviously he doesn't drive it from town to town, but they do that intro of him driving down the highway. Is that how it works? A thousand percent. Yeah. Hi, I'm Guy Fieri and we're rolling out looking for America's greatest diners, drive-ins, and dives. I love Guy Fieri.

I don't know if it shows. It does show. Thank you. I feel like Guy Fieri is your Columbo he's but we don't I don't like Columbo that much Dave likes Columbo easy I don't care I think he's good but I might not ever watch another one because they're two hours you know what I loved about a tv movie and I haven't watched a TV movie in so long, because everything is just premium cable now or streaming or whatever. I liked the commercial breaks.

Yeah. I like that you can like, oh, this is where the story stops for a little while. I get that when I'm watching Jeopardy. Get a little juice from the commercials. Jeopardy. Get a little juicy commercials. They didn't. It was weird because you could tell where the commercial breaks were in the show, but

they didn't line up with where they happened as I was watching. You'd be like, okay, this is where this act ends and it goes to black and then it just keeps running. And then five minutes later, it goes to commercial out of nowhere. I love it.

Dave, I love it. Dave, do you have an overheard? I've been overseen, my friend. Tell me. I was in Carisdale, Vancouver's, you know. Hoity-toity. What would you describe? Sort of hoity-toity, but old-timey hoity-toity. What would you describe? Sort of hoity-toity, but old-timey hoity-toity.

Yeah. Like, you know, you don't go to, there's not like fancy boutiques. No. Or anything. Like there's,

it's like, what do they have up there? Just like shops, right? Coffee shops, stuff like that. it's just more of a hoity-toity, like houses around there.

And they have what used to be a train track there's now a bike lane okay or like a bike path the arbutus greenway and uh there's a sign up that was covered in stickers and normally it was like a traffic sign but it was just covered in stickers um and it like normally these would be like you know skateboard brand stickers or some kind of rock and roll rebellious yeah rebellious thing uh plastered all over it but there were four different styles of Peloton stickers. So someone bought a Peloton and then went and defaced these street signs. That's badass. Yeah.

What if there are Peloton gangs that we don't even know about? You know? Yeah. Roving virtual streets on their bikes. I don't Peloton, but I would try and get into one. I'll fucking do the initiation. Is that what it's called to get into a gang? I do it yeah you get it you get jumped in yeah yeah you could do it raquel i believe that especially if you do just the bangs only haircut yeah let you guys know how it goes sorry i interrupted your story to to be like it's over uh What is the, what would a Peloton gang be called?

I don't know enough. I don't know what Peloton term at all. Pel's Angels. Oh, that's so good. Pel's Angels is great. I was going to guess like the clip in shoes. The clip in shoe club.

Those shoes that you clip into your pedal. I love them. So cute. So cute. those shoes that you clip into your yeah i love them so cute so cute it's so cute um do you have an i also have an overseen i was in uh a toy shop i like to go into a toy shop see what's new in toys let me tell you le Lego, huge. Jellycat, you bet. Jellycat. Those are like soft, stuffy things. And then there's like all these dolls that look like lettuce or a taco or a carrot or like. Do they have like legs?

Like a Barbie with a taco body? Yeah, like it's a big taco body and they've got hands and feet coming out of them. And so I was looking at some of the old school toys, and there was a whoopee cushion. They had a whoopee cushion. And on the top panel, where I guess you would advertise what a whoopee cushion was, it said whoopee cushion. Loud? Question mark? Yes.

Oh, my God. advertised what a whoopee cushion was it said whoopee cushion loud question mark yes yes we bought a whoopee cushion last year for um april fools uh my kids we bought like five prank things prank oh fun uh prank abby and uh for some reason we're already thinking about April Fool's this year because we're already talking about it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I can take you back to the store. We'll get you some prank things. We'll prank mom. And they were like, no, this year we'll prank you. Oh, shit. So you don't pay attention while we're picking things out.

You just pay for it. Put it in a bag. Close your eyes. Oh, that's so cute. It is pretty cute. What were the other? There's whoopee cushion. What were the other ones?

I think I talked about it. It was. Fly in the ice cube? No, we didn't do fly in the ice cube. We did. Well, we did some practical pranks. We put saran wrap over the door frame yeah that's better than the toilet yeah uh we did there were these like pills that you put in the water and they expand to look like worms in your glass of water. Oh, okay. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But it was like, the kids were like,

ha ha, mommy, we are, here's your glass of water this morning. Like, okay, you don't ever serve me water. Also, the last three things you did to me were pranks. So I'm, here's your water for this morning. Mom, you're looking practically parched. Yeah. I think they put,

I think we had fake dog poo and we put it like on the toilet. So, hey mom, do you need to go to the toilet? Oh, I didn't know I did until you offered. Now we also have overheard sent in to us by people

all over the place. If you want to send us one, send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. This first one comes from Suki from Vancouver. A father and younger son, maybe five years old, were standing in line for the cashier. The kid grabs a bag of gummy bears by the cashier and says, What are these? To which his dad replies in a very sinister voice, Poison! Little voice, poison! Little bags of poison!

And then he looks up and remembers he's in public being overheard and immediately tries to recover by saying in a normal voice, oh, I mean, they're poison for your body. What? What? I feel gaslit. What? Gummy bears are poison yeah slow poison slow poison yeah sugar sugar's the new uh snuff yeah sitting's the new smoking yeah candy sugar's the new snuff

peloton's the new bicycle heart attack machine yeah the number one murderer and yeah yeah well carrie's the number one murderer because she could have called 9-1-1 but she why didn't she yeah yeah i now i didn't i like when i watched it i thought that he was already dead but he wasn't dead when she went towards her he's had heart he's had heart attacks before hasn't he in real life or in the show in the show i don't know what you were it could have been anything i don't know i just started watching sex in the city so i'll keep you guys posted for sure he's had heart attacks before i think i think i'm gonna watch an episode right after this i'm gonna go chill out and just like that huh and just like that yeah i'm gonna watch you see have you seen the full run of the series yes oh okay yeah i've seen the run of the series i saw both of the movies sex in the city 2 i'm sure everybody's heard is a wild train wreck it's one of the best it is the best and it's one of the

like boy boy is that the writers i guess just took the money and didn't bother writing no don't say that no you're right we stand the writers yeah we stand the writers that's the one where they went to bali no uh the middle east they go to dubai or dubai or abu dhabi or something yeah fuck me uh and they uh they re they reverse engineer a pun that that might have been the first movie or no i think it might have been with Alice Eve. With, well, there are two. They go to the desert. Okay, what's that pun? Lawrence of Mylavia. Sure.

Oh, for fuck's sake. And then the other one was, you know what it was. The Alice Eve plays the buxom, what do you call it? Nanny. Babysitter, nanny. And she doesn't wear a bra and she's Irish in this movie. And so they say, Aaron, go braless. Oh, my God. They like made casting decisions around that

one pun. I'm going to rewatch those movies tonight. Yeah, treat yourself. This next one comes from Mariel in Columbus, Ohio. I was at the grocery store self-checkout next to a man who was grumbling and cursing to himself under his breath as he checked out.

I didn't catch anything he was saying until his companion came up and said something to him that I didn't catch and he replied, Yeah, that's the son of a bitch who ate my tomato. I would have loved to follow them home after. Yeah, he ate my tomato.

Maybe it's one of those things like don't rub another man's rhubarb or something like that. That guy ate my tomato you know what i'm saying i would never eat someone's tomato i love tomatoes well i don't know enough to eat someone else's though i mean yeah that's really did it fall off his you know bruschetta oh like on the vine that was over to No, I mean, like, I'm not eating a whole banana. I'm eating a slice of a banana. Or not a banana! Wait, what's the yellow long ones? Uh, bananas.

Oh, it's bananas. No, tomato-wise, then. I mean, uh, yeah. Grape tomatoes. I like a slice of tomato on a sandwich or a hand burger. Nothing better. Kel, you're of the Italian persuasion.

Are you crazy about tomatoes? Pomodoro's? Yeah, we say it like that too. You got to do the hand. Otherwise, you aren't allowed to be Italian anymore. I don't like raw tomatoes. I will pull a tomato out of a burger. Sometimes I will ask for no tomatoes, but I love a good caprese salad.

Yeah, right. Or if any pasta sauce, I'll take it. Let's do that. But in burgers and sandwiches, I do not like tomatoes. I think because they make everything else wet. I don't know. I haven't really dug deep into why. You can't travel with a sandwich that has a tomato in it because then it is just.

That's true. Everything's wet. Yeah. But I know of people that would put their sandwich in one packaging and the tomato in a different and then assemble them at lunch. That's cool. I can appreciate whoever created that concept. Would I ever do it? I probably forget. Oh, man. I think that's cool i can appreciate whoever created that concept would i ever do it i probably forget oh man i think it's cool now when mr bean when mr bean cleans his lettuce and put takes off his sock puts the lettuce in the sock and spins it around to dry it man iconic smart

iconic the other like the other great thing in that scene is where he kills the little fish and then listens to hear if they're dead he like

bats their head over the side of the bench anyways the other great thing in that scene is when he's got his hot water

bottle to make tea he puts the doesn't have anywhere to put the lid of the hot water bottle puts it in his ear and then at the lid of the hot water bottle, puts it in his ear. And then at the end of the bit, flies it. That's crazy, Kat.

Man, oh man. This last one comes from Joe. I once saw him on an airplane. Did you really? Next to a kid. And the kid was going to barf. And Mr. Bean was like, I have to keep an eye on this kid who might barf and mr bean was like i had to keep an eye on this kid who might barf anyway you have tears that are welling up i know secondhand stories about what happened to mr bean

how would they possibly how would you possibly do an audition for those roles. Like who is the person in the audition room being bean while you're, you're at your scene partner for the audition. Yeah. Uh, this last one comes from Joe in California overheard this statement from one eight year old girl to another on a playground. Sometimes I like to play with boys just so i can be annoying to them she knows what's up yeah she's she knows her her audience she knows how to work things

yeah for her yeah girl boss get it gatekeep it girl boss queen get it what else do what else do girl bosses say uh what's that thing it's like gate uh girl boss gatekeep or no uh uh there's another one there's another g there's three uh gamer girl it's game gaslight gaslight and gamer girl there's gaslight and gamer girl and garbage man there's the other one and garbage man gargamel and gargamel what's he up to these days oh he's solving mysteries he's the new columba

i'm so happy he found work yeah just one more thing papa or whatever vanity or whatever he's solving smurf crimes smurf murders smurders in addition to

in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631

that's one ugh spy pod one like these people have hi Dave Graham

and scintillating guests this is julia in new jersey calling in with an overheard i was just walking my dog on the street and i heard a dad and maybe and his maybe middle school age daughter having a conversation walking in the opposite direction and he said you want to be what after college and she said a youtube rapper And he said, you want to be what after college? And she said, a YouTube rapper. And he said, you want to be a YouTube rapper after college? And she said,

well, most YouTube rappers, they start out, most YouTube rappers, they drop out and they have nothing to do. And then they sort of faded out of my range of hearing. But it seems like she has it all figured out. but it seems like she has it all figured out. She does sound like she has it all figured out.

Thank you. You're the best. And off I go. I, yeah, like, if I was a kid now, that's what I would want to be. I'd want to be an influencer or a TikTok star. That's, like, because there was nothing like that. You couldn't be a star if you were a kid unless you were, like,

one of the Olsen sisters. There's only so many you could have you know anna green gables these type of yeah you could be a star like the host of uh popular mechanics for kids canada jay baruchel and uh uh was it right alicia cuthbert oh alicia cuthbert yeah yeah yeah so uh but wouldn't you if you were a kid now wouldn't you like just be like yeah i'm just gonna i'm gonna logan paul it and uh you know i mean not him but you know no no no i know just the the idea of the logan pauls and like the hype house the Sway House I'm like do I want that for myself? I don't know. Come back to me. Do you guys want that?

For my kids for spring break we're going to go to a Hype House. We're going to go to the Japanese Suicide Forest. We're going to do all the influencer things. We're going to do some UFC. Do some boxing. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah, if I was a kid, probably that's exactly what I'd want. But grow up, man. I think the only way I could do it now is if... Graham, we're podcasters. That's true. We're podcasters. Yeah. Good call.

Good call. We got a call from the kettle. I just feel like if I was a TikTok star, it would be because people are liking me ironically. Yeah. That's where I feel would be the... That's most of our listeners. They're just punking us so hard.

Yeah. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave Graham, Impossible Graham impossible guest this is Reese calling from Minneapolis with an overseen I'm literally just watching this happen so I'm at a gas station

on my way to an appointment and I'm just watching as two turkeys are trying to get into a postal vehicle for the United States Postal Service. Two turkeys harassing a postal worker trying to get into a postal truck. I go in to get stuff at the gas station. And the guy there is like, yeah, the guy gets out and the turkeys want to get in the truck. And they're just going out there and trying to get in the guy's postal truck.

There's two turkeys walking about. Oh, I'm heading it, my guy. Yeah. Hoping those are doing well. Thanks. Okay, bye. So turkeys, they're smart, right? Turkeys are smart eagles are dumb they seem like bird brains to me yeah um yeah the uh you know the postal workers probably like first dogs and now

this yeah i mean yeah do you get in trouble if you let them in yeah well yeah if you drive around with them in the postal as long as it's not tearing apart packages yeah you're fine which they probably would be because a lot of people send grain in the mail there's no other way how big are turkeys these days what are we getting to height Height-wise, width-wise? Like, you can be like 20 pounds, right? You can be 40 pounds, depending on, you know, if... How much mail they're eating. Yeah, or if Scrooge bought it for you on Christmas morning.

Get me the biggest one. But now, are you picturing in your head when he was saying that overheard, is this in a country, rural setting, or is this in a urban kind of situation? West Philadelphia, born and raised. I'm picturing the turkeys spinning Will Smith around on their shoulders. Oh, I'd love for them to be city turkeys that changes everything like sex in the city turkeys like that saw that that then i came down this drinking costume yeah it's adorable i i give them a ride what could the penalty be for a turk

picking up a turkey really yeah? Yeah, that's right. Boy, I mean, geez. Solicitation of prostitution, maybe. Yeah, if you pick them up on the street, then it could totally be a sting turkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to tell me if you're a cop. Gobble, gobble. Okay, you seem cool get in

alright here's your final phone call hi Dave and Graham and charming guest this is Sean in northern Virginia I just walked into Target behind a dad and his son the little boy walked up to a Target employee

and said, Hi, can you point me to the yo-yo department? Pretty great. All right. Cheers. Yeah, that's aisle 34. You want to go to aisle 34? Well, you're going to need to get in line.

Yeah, buddy. I know where the yo-yo aisle is. Oh, that's the other thing they had for sale at at the toy store is they had yo-yo string you just buy a little bag of string for your yo-yo they didn't sell yo-yos as far as i could see but they sold the yo-yo string so are you can either of you yo-yo i can do i can do it and i can do the sleeper. Oh. And I've done around the world a couple of times, but I wouldn't say that I can do it on command. Well, then, yes, you can.

You? Can you yo-yo? I can do up and down about five times. Same as my lovely. Raquel, yo-yo? No, but I did see on TikTok, again, I keep bringing, I tiktok like it's nothing uh it's it i've been watching tiktok a lot and there's a yo-yoer and i i see him once

in a while but it's kind of hot when they can do like crazy things but it's also you have to check yourself like no rachel he has two yo-yos they're yo-yo yeah yeah yeah you're not allowed to find this hot you're that's enough i remember talking to uh somebody at this bar havana and at the beginning there was like four women around and just me and this other guy and we started talking about yo-yos and in like minute and a half all the women moved away yeah remember yo-yos aren't hot. Boomerangs are hot. Yeah, boomerangs are hot. Yeah.

The yo-yo of the sky. Well, Raquel, this has been an absolute treat. Thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having me, you guys. What a day we've had. I it are you on tiktok or you just creeping i'm creeping i i shouldn't be on there kick me off get me off uh no that did not get you know what get me blocked fan off of tiktok i shouldn't be there i don't deserve it i don't want to be there i just i'm stuck you're just there get me out of there not on tiktok don't deserve it. I don't want to be there. I just, I'm stuck. You're just there. Get me out of there. Not on TikTok.

Don't find me. Okay. Don't find you on TikTok. Don't find me on TikTok. Do people find you on like an Insta or a Twitter or? Yeah, you can follow me on Twitter. What's my Twitter these days? Rack Attack 5.

You can follow me on Instagram. It's Rack City 5. I'm, I'm there. Rack, R-A-C-Q. Yes. On Instagram. R-A-C-Q and then city and then five. I'm, I'm there. Yes. On Instagram, RACQ and then city and then five, but the rocket attack one, somebody had C already.

Uh, so it's just RACQ. Um, I'm very annoying on both. So do, do with that what you will. So rude. Well,

thank you again for being a guest this was so much fun and thank you out there listeners it's always a treat to be part of your day and you know what well let us be a part of your next day and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting

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