Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 728 - Ryan Beil

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

Improviser Ryan Beil returns to talk about his new podcast Let’s Make a Sci-Fi, Taco Tuesday, and hiking.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 728 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who we just fondly recalled how much he loves hot dogs, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I'm wearing a shirt that I wore when I ate some hot dogs and so it made me think, remember those hot dogs? Now we talked last week on the podcast about hot dogs and then you were like I'm gonna get a hot dog did you go get a hot dog we did

yeah on the show yeah getting a hot dog and the guy gave me his like special ketchup that was too spicy that was oh from the hot dog cart on main sorry I shouldn't talk he's obsessed with his ketchups Graham you got that hot dog I don Main? Sorry, I shouldn't talk yet. Yeah, he's upset with his ketchup.

Graham, you got that hot dog. I don't remember. Okay, maybe I was just being nice. Oh, really? Because you're like, I haven't had a hot dog in a while. Well, that ends today. No, I did not go get a hot dog.

I'm sure I wanted one. Had some real spicy Indian food, though. All weekend long. You had it on the Friday?ian food though all weekend long you had it on the friday enjoyed it all weekend so it's also today too i am gonna have it for lunch when this is over delicious i got spicy our guest today a very funny comedian a favorite here on the podcast he is a part of a podcast that's launching called let's make a sci-fi that's coming out on march 1st the one and the only mr ryan beal hey hello how are you i'm so good i'm so happy to be here miss you both have you you know miss you too miss you no matter how long or short it's been i always miss you both Yeah I miss our time at the chalets

In the Swiss Alps I miss our chairlift chats Our hot chocolate After the skiing day And solving murders That's another thing you do in the Swiss Alps You're not wrong Is there a

Is that one of those Agatha Christie's Murder in the Swiss Alps I feel like the Swiss Alps You're not wrong. Is there a, is that one of those Agatha Christie's? Murder in the Swiss Alps? I feel like the Swiss Alps is a trope for murder mysteries, or just at least ski vacations. I don't know. Well, it's definitely ski vacations. You can stuck, so there's like weather that can also come into things. One of my favorite Murder, She Wrote episodes, actually, there's a ski episode. Where is that?

Do they do that up in the northeast of America? I think it's Vail. I think it's somewhere like, you know, like... Oh, does she travel? She travels. Oh, boy, does she travel. Oh, yeah. Town to town solving mysteries.

Yeah, exactly. It's not just that... Cabot Cove doesn't have all the mysteries. Oh, okay. Because that would be a terrible place to live if there was a murder a week. It's a small population at you know at the start before the town was built on a hell mouth so there's just crime it just keeps happening in that one like puffy the vampire slayer there will be a dark remake of murder she wrote one day do you

think she'll be hot yeah well she already was well yeah she wasn't no one is on tv or film that is not hot at the moment okay well real quick before we get to those who do we like for the new reboot of murder she wrote well i think they're gonna go a little younger than angela lansbury so i would go with kiernan shipka the girl the girl who plays uh sabrina the teenage witch good Good. Nice. So much younger. I don't know any current stars, so I'm just going to go with Gates McFadden, who was Beverly Crusher on D&G. Oh, sure. Oh, okay.

I think she could do it. I'm going to go for the it girl of the moment, Mayim Bialik. Yeah. Give her another show, I say. She's too busy. Anything to get her off jeopardy bring back alex there i said it yeah me too i agree we started letter writing campaign

should we get to know us Ryan yes tell me Dave you've worked on this project so I'm the one that doesn't know

what's up yeah but I can say some questions that are very leading yeah okay which I like well

yeah tell me about this podcast well you know what the thing is yeah get in there

I like it when you get in there. We've had, we had. People don't know. I don't think we said it. Have you said it on the podcast already? Dave was the producer of this podcast. So it's not just.

No, we haven't said anything. But before we get into that, I just want to say why we're having you on the show is because. Yeah, right. Like we love Ryan. We've been in this, we've been in this pandemic doing shows remotely for two years. Yeah. So that's why we haven't had Ryan in so long is because I wanted to save it for when he could promote this kicky little show. And the podcast, he took a while to produce, but here we are.

Well, anything good does. Not this show. This show has been done over a hell mouth. So describe a hell mouth. A hell mouth is like an opening to hell yes so it's like uh that's it's the main connection between earth and hell yeah and so beings can go back and forth right which is something which zool might like yeah like trying to make a hell mouth or maybe that's ghostbusters 2 uh there's no zool

no vigo's the master of evil yeah Evil I was picturing Skeletor's I was going to say closet Skeletor's castle Does it have like a mouth? That was on after Veronica's closet It had She-Ra in the city

Skeletor's closet And of course What's the book Shields one? Man in the Middle Sorry I don't know Oh it should have been Suddenly Shira Suddenly Shira, very good

Skeletor's closet All things I don't want to wear anymore Well both of you tell me what this project is I'm like the audience I do not know. So tell me all about it. I'll start, and Dave, you can fill it in. So basically, it is answering the question,

can a group of wisecracking comedians write an earnest science fiction TV pilot script? And so can we take ourselves seriously? Because we think it's a funny idea because A, sci-fi is very hard to pull off, obviously. A lot of genres are, but sci-fi, it's so conceptual, it's hard to get

right. You didn't even know what a hell mouth was until like a couple minutes. Well, who the hell am I to be doing this? I'll tell you, nobody. But also, it's one of the easiest to poke fun at you know ray guns and zapping around on spaceships and spice and folding space and whatever it takes itself very seriously and so it's kind of you know an interesting sort of a concept for a podcast And along the way, we also, very luckily,

get to interview experts in the field of writing, in the field of science, science fiction. So we have a little bit of interviews to break up the act. Who's we? We would be me, Ryan Beal, all other friends of the show,

Maddie Kelly and Mark Chavez, as three comedians. This is a winning team, if I ever put us in a row. And try to make us draw a spaceship, which happens on the show. Do you draw a spaceship? Mark does, yeah. We spend a little too much time drawing a spaceship. Let's just leave it at that. Maddie also tries to draw

a spaceship too. We don't want to spoil anything, but hers is not as successful. When you guys picture a spaceship to draw, are we thinking like kind of the oval guy with the kind of triangle wings on it? Now, we can't get too much into it. This was a different kind of spaceship

because it tied to our sci-fi idea. It looks... So tune in for the spaceship. It kind of looks like an apartment building on its side. There, I spoiled it. What are the main spaceship shapes from science fiction? You've got your... You've got your kind of like Graham just described.

So is that like the Millennium Falcon? Does that fall into that category? No, it's like 50s, early 60s style. You know, with the fins and maybe a couple of portholes. And then there's like Flying Saucer with Dome. Yeah, you've got, what's the Star Trek one?

That's like a big circle with pointy bits. Yeah, big circle with pointy bits. Enterprise. And then there's weird ones like, yeah, like isn't there one that's just a box? It's like a giant black box. box well that's the borg that's the borg that's the borg also in star trek and they could give a fuck because they're

just trying to assimilate they don't care about curves they just need straight lines but on earth we seem to only make uh phallic we go phallic a lot yeah yeah. Well, it's the most fun design. For sure. Oh, boy. Voted on. Voted on. By FHM Magazine. Yeah.

By the patriarchy. Exactly. So, in every episode, do you tackle a different angle of writing it, or just a new chapter, or how does that work? A little bit of everything. We kind of take on different angle of writing it or just a new chapter or, or how does that work? A little bit of everything. We kind of take on different parts of the writing process. Like one episode is kind of about world building. And one episode is about generating the ideas.

We have an episode about, um, uh, we, we do tackle like, cause eventually like, uh, how do we put comedy into it?

Cause we're trying to write something serious, you know, like how do we tackle sort of the comedic aspects of it? Dave, what else do we do? You did social commentary. What are you trying to say? You did,

you talked to scientists to make sure the science was right in your science fiction. Oh, cool. Uh, who are some of the people you talked to there, Ryan? Neil deGrasse Tyson.

What? Rainn Wilson. Really? Neil Blomkamp Holy shit And the list goes on And the rest No, no, many more people

And then, so you write this thing for Over the course of seven episodes It's very funny Listening to the three of you Try to take yourself seriously but also you're so conditioned to put out funny ideas the three of us i would say exclusively have written comedy things whether they're jokes or sketches scenes or scripts that's always been like we all knew when something was done because there was a laugh involved you know it got a laugh from

yourself it got a laugh from the group and then you can move on but then with writing a serious script an earnest script it was kind of like well we are we done yet is this good like can we move on from it because there was no sort of litmus test or whatever you call it about is it sort of like you know that's how i approach comedy i just try to make myself laugh or the group laugh and then you know you've got something to work with i think you at the end of a sci-fi you want the person to go hmm like kind of satisfied kind of like hey that was neat yeah exactly and that's a hard response to elicit so as a laugh don't get me wrong like you know i bomb all the time but uh but uh imagine bombing at a science fiction reading oh well i may be about to yeah oh no one no one in the audience went zebzorp

i should have said this in the swiss alps that's not far enough away. Swiss Alps, Swiss Alps, murder with a ray gun. So stupid. But it's very vulnerable, too, because we do put our, you know, you put yourself out there and everyone gets to listen. And then we get the final episode is a reading by actors. More than a reading, I would say it's a performance. More like almost a radio play. Yeah.

Of our little script. For better or worse, as we say in the trailer and we just have to live with what it is which is kind of a fun risk yeah it sounds like a lot of a lot of fun how many episodes we're looking at uh nine yeah so it goes the the last week they uh you're gonna hear the, the like radio play, the, the performance of the pilot. But,

and then you'll also hear like a little bit of a personal denouement. Okay. What they thought of the whole thing. Nice. It's great. These guys are great. I love these guys. They're great.

And Dave produced it. Dave produced the hell out of it. And from the little bits that I've talked to Maddie and Mark, they both said it was a treat to work with Dave and said he was so good at this job. He's the best. It's nice to hear. I'm a really good little boy.

He's a good little boy. He's a good little boy. He's good at collaborating. He's a collaborator. He deserves all the lady fingers he wants. I play well with others. Ryan, I'm so excited for this to come out in the world yeah and for people to finally realize what a great guy you are finally because the jury's been out as they say i'm not i'm not that great i'm out but it'll be now ryan you're

like a big sci-fi fan. Sci-fi guy. Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm the biggest. You're a sci-fi rod. I think if there was an event, I don't have a lot of trivia behind me, but I have a lot of love for it, specifically Dune and the Star Trek.

Yes, I was going to say, you're in love with Dune. I'm a big Deep Space Nine guy and a big Next Generation guy. But a lot of, like we talk about this, a lot of it is because I like to laugh at it. You know, like Next Generation, yes, I love that show, but it makes me laugh so much. Like the acting. Well, I mean, Data's hilarious. Data, he's just trying to figure out humanity.

That's the one where they're like putting on like Shakespeare and doing like a coffee house, right? Yes. like putting on Shakespeare and doing a coffee house, right? Yes. They're like, as I like to describe it, it's a nuclear submarine that would also put on recitals every now and then. It's a carpeted nuclear submarine. Is there any other Star Trek like it?

Well, I think Deep Space Nine is a little bit like it. I mean, because you, you know, you have Benjamin Sisko's love of baseball and his romance of baseball, which gets my goat going. Uh-huh. You're a big baller. Big baller. It's your goat going. Yeah.

That's an expression. This gets my goat and it gets that goat going. So, but yeah, I think all of the Star Trek's of the same era kind of have the same sort of feel, I think.

But there's no Shakespeare necessarily on Deep Space Nine. Although, I don't know, maybe there is. It's entirely possible Patrick Stewart did a crossover

and did like As You Like It in the holodeck. A problematic play. A hard play to stage. Yeah, that stuff hasn't aged well. But you know what?

It was a different time. You could say that stuff. I miss it. Yeah, that's hasn't aged well. But you know what? It was a different time. You could say that stuff. I miss it. Yeah, that's not what I mean by problematic. I just mean it's boring and hard to follow. No, Shakespeare's canceled. Oh, for sure. Cancel it.

Ryan, at the beginning of the pandemic, one of your first things that you did, because there was no performing happening. Correct. Yeah. You decided you were going to read dune or say pronounced dune for me dune i like to say dune and uh you were going to read the novel this was you know uh 20 months before the movie was going to come out uh you were gonna and you were you released it chapter by chapter on SoundCloud? Correct. Is that right? And then you decided to stop because... Well, it's really hard to read.

You should have started smaller, like a Nancy Drew or something. Yeah, or Bruno and Boots, What's Happening at Donner Hall, you know, anything. No, it's just, I think I'll go back to it i i really appreciated the response but and it and again it made me laugh you know like reading any book out loud any book is funny i think't allow it edge lords edge lords is hitler canceled yeah he is now totally uh well not maybe not any book so graham just you know he torpedoed that but i think some books read out loud are very funny because reading in your head is much different than reading out loud

yes putting like passion and feeling into lines and descriptions you know read out loud are very funny because reading in your head is much different than reading out loud. Yes. Putting like passion and feeling into lines and descriptions, you know, can be very funny. Dave, when you read stories to your children, you do all sorts of voices, right?

Do you do voices and sound effects? Do you have a voice for every character? Um, they, sometimes, but sometimes they say, just do your normal voice. Just stick to the script.

Do it like Ryan. I have diabetes. I'm Stacy and I'm boy crazy. And this babysitter. Daddy, just do a suggestion of a character. Just, I want to still hear you through the narration. But yes,

I released it chapter by chapter. And I did the, book one of dune is in three parts three books so i did read the first book of dune technically i read the first part of the first book of dune right and then uh did you take those down because you were afraid of getting sued no they're still up okay so no one's worried about it i don't think they care also the the viewership or listenership is quite low okay and after this once it gets the spy bump absolutely um well we want you to listen to the podcast but everyone accidentally listened to dune now the 20 months after you were doing that the dune movie comes out in theaters yeah i didn't get a chance to ask you but but I will ask you now.

What are your thoughts of the new movie? I loved it. I loved it. For me, it told me the things I wanted to know about that book and it looked radical. I thought it looked phenomenal, beautiful,

gross, all of the different things at times. What I wanted to see from it, I thought it was great. I don't care for Chalamet. Why? I've seen too much of him. Oversaturated a little bit. Too much Chalamet. You would have preferred Tom Holland.

The only other option. Yeah. Do you say Tom Arnold? Yeah, that's right. Timothy Chalamet or Tom Arnold. Yeah. I wanted to see Tom Arnold. The yin and yang of popular culture. It's either one or the other for me.

But I see how he's a good casting choice for Paul. Because in my reading, Paul is kind of, you know, and I think I'm using this word right, a petulant teen. You know, he's kind of like, a little bit, there's a little bit of that going on in there, which I think also what makes a good Hamlet, when Hamlet's a bit sort of, sort of like a Luke Skywalker, too.

A little bit, yeah. Yeah, Luke Skywalker was a pissy teen, wasn't he? What a nerd. Dork. I would have lockered him. Why, when sci-fi creators are coming up with these faraway worlds and imaginary places, they're like, hmm, let's name this guy Paul.

Yeah. And Jessica. And then Duncan Idaho also exists in the same book, which is a great name. But it's like, you know, pick a lane, Frank. Yeah. A little bit in a sci-fi movie where everything is crazy like it's flying cars and all the towers look different but then the guy can just go into a regular coffee shop like they have an updated coffee shops

coffee shop is still just coffee shop well it's a perfect mold in blade, there's like a lot of like kiosks, like noodle kiosks. That's true. Let's go get us future soup. So you like the movie because I know the first adaptation was quite divisive in terms of But I also like Lynch's version and I also like

the miniseries. See, I'm kind of like I'm gonna like it. I'm not the type of fan like i'm just happy that i get to watch a rendition of dune um yeah i'm not like gonna pick it apart it wasn't there was nothing that stood out to me that made me angry and i don't think i could get angry over it like i got to watch a dune movie that's rad yeah what gets you angry i don't know not in the sci-fi universe, what do you hate? Oh, no, I say in our universe.

I'll get to your question second, Dave. Time travel I don't like. Only because it confuses me. It does get confusing pretty quick. Yeah, it does get really weird. I'm not saying I, you know, I'm not saying I don't like time travel. I'm saying I'm confused by it what just pick a side pick a side i know yeah i know i'm such a wishy-washy what is uh yeah it does

get to like once there's two layers of time travel on there you're like okay wait a minute wait what there was a great line in looper where bruce willis meets himself a younger version and he says how did this happen he goes we could sit here all day drawing maps on napkins, but we're not going to. That's awesome. That's great. Just like the writer's like, you know what? Fuck this.

He's going to travel through time. It's fine. He's him. He's him. Get it? A little bit sometimes that pisses me off in sci-fi is when they don't have any non-humanoid alien types i mean which is due on a squid man dune is only humans only humans oh well because

i think humans have taken over the universe as i understand it like they've sort of like spread we've done kind of to the universe what we did to earth uh now you know like got all over it and made it a mess sure um what is a david said squid man who i think i picture him from star wars i was picturing him from uh one of the dead man's chests or whatever yeah yeah yeah but i think uh any good sci-fi should have like a thing that's gross to look at. Like a character that's gross. Like there's a gross, there must be a gross character in Dune.

Otherwise it's not a true sci-fi. Well, sure. There's the Baron. There's the Baron Harkonnen or Harkonnen, depending on how. Is he gross? Is he Finnish? He's gross.

And he is Scandinavian in the movie. Which makes sense somehow? I don't know. So he's gross. And the Harkonnens or the Harkonnens are also gross. When you're doing your book on tape of this, do you stop yourself and say

Harkonnen or Harkonnen every time? I do. Too much. I don't pick a lane on that because I don't want to like i was worried about whether i was right or wrong and i think i don't know if there's a definitive answer i think herbert had like a sound in his head but for some reason like in the miniseries they say harkonnen there's a miniseries that came out in like the early 2000s on sci-fi i believe maybe i'm not sure it was like a really long miniseries because dune is a really long book um i can picture harkening as like a rogue cop from like a late 80s show get in here harkening get a ruined two more squad cars harkening yeah oh man if you don't you don't go in for the sci-fi very often or do you? am I wrong about that?

um let me see sci-fi is moneyball sci-fi? yeah yes it's speculative fiction on a true event is it social network sci-fi?

yep closer you're getting there they do do event. Social network sci-fi? Yep. Closer. You're getting there. They do do an algorithm in it. They do an algorithm. They do an

algorithm in both of them actually. That's right. But in that that in social network. Hey can we talk about Moneyball?

Yeah of course anytime. Can I ask you we've all seen it right? We don't talk about Moneyball in Kento. His daughter, Brad Pitt, who's playing Billy Bean,

who's a real-life human being, Billy Bean, the GM of the, or President of Baseball Operations of the Oakland Athletics. His daughter is writing a song in the movie that is a hit song. You know? I don't know if she's writing it. She's playing. Is she just covering it?

I think she's just covering it. I thought it was like a broach that she created that song. She's just covering it. But also it's apocryphal because that song didn't exist. That song didn't exist.

That's the one thing that doesn't make sense in that movie. Everything else. So that's why it's sci-fi. Ah, yes. There you go. Okay.

We live, we created a world where that song, I'm just a little kid caught in the middle. And that's how expansive sci-fi is. You do one little twist like that. Well, it's a time travel movie. She went to the future. That's right. She stole this.

This is her almanac of sporting results. I'll get a song that's maybe, that's going to be popular in Moneyball. There's going to be a sexy, dark remake called Biff. Like a Back to the Future remake. Oh, sure. Oh, and it's just like from Biff's point of view? Wouldn't that be fun? And they're going to make a remake of Moneyball.

I'm making that up. That's not actually happening, but wouldn't that be good? They're going to do a gritty Moneyball called Bean. Starring Rowan Atkinson. He's too old. they're gonna do a gritty money ball called bean starring rowan atkinson i don't know if you guys have been getting targeted ads for the fresh prince of bel-air everything i listened to but like who asked for that i don't know it's such a silly because like even the concept from the the sitcom over a season you're like okay well now he's adapted to bel-air there's not much conflict there anymore yeah put your put your

blazer on right side out it's wild that no one noticed that pattern on the inside like yeah i mean when they're making it's like the lining goes so far. It goes way further than any other. It's a perfect inside-out jacket, and no one's ever thought to do that before. I disagree. I'm sorry. He was so cool. He had a cool haircut.

He had awesome shoes. He was fresh. He was fresh. He was fresh. Not a king. Not a duke. But a prince. The Duke of Bel-Air.

Duke. The Duke of Dune The Duke of Bel-Air. Duke. The Duke of Dune. Duke of Bel-Air. Do you think in the new one, do you think he yells to the cab, Yo Holmes, smell you later? I think that's all, but it's very... Gravitasque. It's like Trent Reznor. Oh, yeah.

In the script, it's Yo holmes like dot dot dot smell you comma later you know what i mean there's like a lot to play there for an actor he's like christopher walken he just puts uh he takes all the punctuation out of his script that's right was it him or was it marlon brando who did who would like put the lines on post-it notes all over the that's a brando story yeah i believe it what are the great actor stories oh well there's brando putting taping lines to people's heads there's uh dustin hoffman on the night yeah stayinging up all night? Yeah, staying up all night and walking around

not showering. Was it Laurence Olivier that was like... Yeah. Have you tried acting, my dear boy? My dear boy, also. Well, Olivier has

a lot of good ones. Yeah, what does he got? He's got... One time, apparently, a director asked him if he could cry in a scene and he said... I think he also said dear

boy but i don't know if that's just apocryphal but he said yes of course which i dear boy so that's how good he was he could choose which i he could cry out and then one time he did a really good performance of hamlet or something and everyone like all the cast apparently gathered around to watch him he was like burning it up he was burning it up that night everyone's like oh this is the best we gotta got to look at this. It's like the best you'll ever see. And then it ends and he storms off stage. He doesn't even like

get any high fives. He goes right to his dressing room and locks the door. And someone who's his friend I guess. I don't know. His Spock or something. He doesn't get any high fives. No high fives. Nothing. Goes right to his dressing room and then someone's like hey Laurence Olivier or sir if you might be knighted at this time, what's wrong?

It seems like you did a really good performance, the best I've ever seen. And he goes, yeah, and I have no idea why. Oh. Tormented him. It's like, why was this good performance that much better than that good performance? It's like intangible sort of. Oh, sure. What was my pre-game meal

yeah but did that matter yeah exactly cutlet oh okay and why did i get no high fives because you walked right past yeah because you were being mean we offered yeah we also haven't developed that idea yet we're gonna wait until culture catches up with it. It would be funny if he was like, yes, I can cry, which ear? And then he... Oops, I mean eye. And the director's like, don't cry out of your ears, please. He has to backtrack.

I mean, yeah. That's a pretty good joke I made, but I did misspeak. So let me try it again. It would be pretty funny if he was like, which I? And then the guy's like, right. And he just grabs a tiny bottle of Tabasco sauce. And he's like, you just start screaming.

Nothing else is cool about it. Absolutely. But I meant your right, my left. Oh, okay. Don't worry. I i'll just put in the other can you do a flop on final cut now you ryan you're an actor you've acted in all sorts of live productions and films and television can you cry on command or is that something that you need the glycerin or what i have never glycerin i have had to cry sometimes you have to fake it sometimes you can be in the moment you know i but i can't

just start crying i have to think about sad things right to get myself into a position where i can like tap into that but i also don't normally get cast as characters who need to do anything dramatic i'm usually falling down or yeah or making funny sounds or uh naked on stage with a horse exactly yeah i wish of course my god yeah so funny uh but i did i did angels in america oh yeah that's right yeah and i had to cry in a few scenes where it literally the stage direction says he cries you know like and that's part of the scene it's part of the story it's part of the action right and i it was really weird because i got myself i would like work myself up before i would go into the scene because i really want i

didn't want to fake it i wanted to like you know be in that moment but it's hard to sort of get there so i would think about sad things and then i would start getting immune to those sad things as the run went on and i started to think about sadder things it was this terrible staircase into a hellhole if you will yeah yeah yeah i just think about baseball it's hard not to cry about baseball um i heard there's no crying in baseball. Well, no. So you did Angels in America. That's the Dan Brown one? Yeah, it's Dan Brown.

It's about if Jesus had a family. Speaking of Dan Brown, I'm reading a book series right now that is like a knockoff of what's that called davinci's davinci's code davinci's inquest my parents gave me these series of murder mysteries they're like you gotta read these they're all in the alps it's kind of it's a guy it's a it's like a boomer fantasy it's

this older grumpy guy who who like wins fights and every woman is attracted to him. And he also solves murder mysteries. Is it Jack Reacher? No, it's not Jack Reacher. Is it Harry Hall? I know Jack Reacher fans were so pissed when Tom Cruise was cast because Jack Reacher is supposed to be really tall.

People were mad that Tom Cruise was cast. Get out of here. Yeah, you know, people... Tom Cruise, I'm on their side. Yeah. The, uh... I heard this is...

What's the name of this series? I don't know. I think it's called The Enzo Files. Oh, I love it. And he's Enzo? About Enzo McCloud. He's half Italian, half Scottish. And he solves histories that have clues it's they're not great books but have you ever been stuck like i started reading this uh because my parents were like here are all of six of the books and there's also like things that

happen to the characters him and the people around him and now i'm kind of stuck because i want to just know how it all turns out i don't know if you've ever been stuck reading a book series that kind of you know stinks a little bit no i'm not i throw in the towel i'm very good at quitting books yeah not me i gotta finish it i gotta finish it no if i like if i'm two chapters in and it stinks i don't read the third chapter yeah i'm out yeah you're a you're a it's called the sunk cost fallacy i have a lot of fallacies that i have fallen to um i love that his name is half italian half scottish and so they we got to give him a italian first name scottish last name correct and throughout the books are they like and then he had fettuccine haggis yeah exactly i was gonna say like the russell peters kind of joke like what

does that mean italian scottish what does it mean if you uh get nap in the afternoon after drinking the iron brew yeah i wore a uh versace plaid suit because of versace kilt. Yeah. I mean, a little bit, but yeah. Yeah, Dave, you were going to say something after this. I'm just going to try to think of one more example. Yeah, yeah, do another. The Loch Ness Columart. There we go.

Has this ever happened to you where somebody has said you got to read this book and then you don't and then they come back and everything's fine like yeah and everything's fine because you assume they're never going to bring this up and you would only bring it up to prove that you read it right and so you just hope they never bring it up but then if they do you've got to be like it doesn't even crack it like what if the person gives it to you I know exactly then I'll run to Wikipedia and just read the plot did you read it?

no because I didn't want to make a big stink when you were giving it to me I'm waiting for the movie version of the wealthy barber to come out of rich dad poor dad for the movie version of The Wealthy Barber to come out. Of Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Man, oh man. I bet you if I read one of those books, there'd probably be a nugget or two in there that would help you out in life.

Have a Rich Dad is probably one of the starting ones. Kill your poor dad. But make it look like an accident. Feel his identity. Exactly. And then go to the Swiss Alps

or do it in the Swiss Alps. Do it in the Swiss Alps. Yeah. Make it look like a funicular accident. Yeah. Rich Dad is all just like that part of the book

is great, but poor dad is all about framing, framing your dad for murder of Rich Dad in the Swiss Alps. Okay, wait. So you're killing Rich Dad too?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I changed, I changed my three words so you're killing rich i changed my street you're killing rich dad no no yes oh what for the insurance for the insurance i guess that's true in the event that he's murdered they get double payout yeah it's called double jeopardy double indemnity uh double final jeopardy yeah Double Indemnity? Double Final Jeopardy. Yeah. What do you feel, being a connoisseur of sci-fi, and after being through this whole process, what do you think is a bad, like what's a classic example of a bad sci-fi

that doesn't kind of tick any of the boxes of what a great sci-fi would be? Oh, that's a really good question. I think we watched one called The Star Lost, which was a Canadian show, maybe? In the 70s. In the 70s. That was low production value.

Yeah, and it was just hilarious production value and choices. And all, I mean, when you watch a TV show, it's just like a hilarious series of bad or good choices that led to this final product, you know? And I think it's fun to sort of in your head unpack. And the writer of that changed their name because they didn't want to be associated with it. The writer was like,

there were so many changes to the writer that they put in a special name in the script to alert their fans that this was not their like final cut. This was not their final product. So they put there like a, like a protest name. And anyway,

it's on YouTube. It's called the star loss. You should check it out. It's hilarious. I can't wait. I can't wait. Cause, uh,

Canadian TV is very unmistakably looks Canadian whenever you see it. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, there was a, uh, yeah, there was this, uh, sort of a sci-fi.

It was a one that I watched when I was a kid called seeing things. Okay. It was about a reporter who could see, uh, things that were just about to happen. And then he would go to the thing and try to help out or, but it was always like a murder. You also get the scoop and like,

right about it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It was always getting the scoop. Win, win. It should be called win-win that show

but yeah i used to scare the shit out of me when i was a kid but i bet you if i looked at it what was that other show that show about the newspaper that would arrive the day before yeah the daily something early edition wasn't early edition yeah i love that now he wasn't a reporter he just got a magical paper with a magical cat or was he a reporter he got the main character wait a minute had a magical paper with a magical cat i thought there was a cat that kind of like skulked around that he like didn't maybe was associated with the with the paper that's what i'm remembering from the show what if he what if he got the paper and all he did was go to the coupon section and like, I've got tomorrow's coupon.

Yeah, it just happens to go to a piece of shit. What did you... So this show, Early Edition, I remember seeing ads for it. I've just looked it up and I thought it would... I would have guessed. Well, tell me when you think it ran and how long it ran. 1995 to 1998. I'm going to say 2004 to 2005.

Yeah, I would have guessed closer to grams. Okay. But it was, in fact, 1996 to 2000. Oh, wow. It was on for four years? Holy shit. Starting Kyle Chandler. That's like really wringing a lot of content out of that one idea.

That's a Northern Exposure era of show, you know, for me. Yeah, a picket fences. But did anybody truly ever watch Northern Exposure? Or was it just one of those shows that just slipped in the cracks every season? I did because it was on A&E. It was like, I remember how A&E did those like multi blocks of a show.

Like it's like, we'll give you Law and Order at 10, at four, at eight, and then at 10. I was like, you're going to love it. So I did watch some Northern Exposure with it.

I watched a lot of news radio on A&E after I graduated from college. That's one show. When you're allowed. You can't find that show anywhere. News radio? Not on any of the streamers. Oh, really?

On news radio. I've been looking. I've got the DVDs if you want them. I probably don't have them anymore. Why would I move three times with DVDs? I don't have a DVD player. I still have two drawers full of dvds and i'm like well maybe i'll get an external cd-rom drive and put them on my computer i guess like i just can't bear to throw them away you shouldn't though if they're

movies that you like yeah they're rare yeah that's because you'll never there's some movies that i like i'm like oh i guess i'll just never see that movie again unless i buy a dvd of it yeah or download i guess off of apple i don't know how that works um this world is a hell hole hell mouth hell mouth hell mouth hell mouth sorry yes um that's great i can't wait to see this uh this canadian sci sci-fi show. It's just, oh man. Yeah. It's, it's a good one to skip through cause it's on YouTube. Uh,

and it's, it's, it's fun. Yeah. Um, do you find, I was gonna, do you find like used to be in the sixties and seventies,

I think, uh, all the sci-fi that took place in the future was very pristine. It was very clean. And then it feels like star Wars came out where things were kind of dirty. And it just feels like every sci-fi now in the future, it's just like filthy. Yeah. Do you like that?

Is that good? No, I prefer the utopian. I like the sort of philosophically like the things could get better angle, you know? Right. The present is quite dirty. I find the present very dirty. Yeah. The present is very dirty. Yeah. Very dirty very dirty. Yeah. The present is very dirty.

Yeah. Very dirty. The past. Holy shit. As if it's even dirtier that way. Absolutely. Like whenever I watch a Western, I'm like, oh God, it probably smells so bad. Everywhere you go, it smells bad.

Except out on the range. What do you think is the worst smelling movie? That's a great question. What's the, what's the perfume one where he's like a serial killer oh it's called perfume yeah perfume perfume yeah well that's a good pick yeah i'm trying although he's actually really good at making perfume he actually knows how to make it really well it smells good yeah he's actually really good at he's like a savant isn't it during a dirty time during a dirty time but he makes dirty time, but he makes it smell so good

that, like, could it cause orgies? I guess it's just because there's so much smelling in that movie when I watched it. It's like, stop smelling everything.

Like, so much inhalation. I read the book. I loved the book. Yeah. So much so that I read the author's other books. And? Which I've never done before.

There you go. I didn't know they weren't as good. Did they cover all the senses? senses well the problem with the book was that he there's no other word in english that means olfactory and so you have to read the word olfactory throughout and it makes you think of an old factory. It does. And that smells. An old factory definitely smells. Yeah. I think, hmm, I feel like any movie that, like, takes place on, like, a chain gang or something, like, I feel like a chain gang would really smell. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Human Centipede is like a chain gang. Yeah, that's a pretty smelly movie, I bet. Seven. Seven is pretty a chain gang. Yeah, that's a pretty smelly movie, I bet. Seven. Seven is pretty bad. Anytime when there's a cop throwing up in the background from the smell. Like a rookie cop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the movie where Tommy Lee Jones is a bomber in Boston?

Oh, Blown Away? Yeah. I don't know why. I think that movie smells a little bit. What do you think Tommy Lee Jones smells like? Oh, blown away. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I think that movie smells a little bit. What do you think Tommy Lee Jones smells like? Oh, good. I think he smells like tobacco.

Tobacco and old school aftershave. Like, uh, you know, it smells like leather. Yeah. Yeah. It smells like cherry tobacco and kind of like,

yeah, an old suitcase and some kind of like, uh, out of stock, know uh odotoylet or whatever he smells like al gore's college mattress oh because they because they fucked they were roommates i know but he smelled like al gore's mattress smells like the sock alagor left on the door see toby lee jones just so old and serious even in college just such a grump his professors are telling him a lesson and he just goes i don't care okay i don't care i put a sock on the door i don't care and And then the professor jumps off the drain pipe.

Yeah. To prove a point. I heard about a story, an actor's story about Tommy Lee Jones. This may be untrue, but someone once told me on set that Tommy Lee Jones agreed to do a movie, but he said, I will not do overtime. I will not go over 12 hours. And every hour I go over 12 hours,

I want a suitcase full of $20,000 given to me. And they apparently had to do it one time. Can you imagine being the PA? Okay. You can take this form. You can go to three banks. If they give you any guff, you call.

I usually fly to the Swiss Alps. Try not to get murdered. If I'm one hour, for every hour I go over I get a suitcase. What if it's half an hour? Do you get half a suitcase? No, just, so not you know, like if you go into that overtime hour you get 20 grand.

Or he gets 20 grand. Tommy, Tommy. If I can call him Tommy, he gets 20 grand. It's just funny that a guy that gruff and grumpy calls himself Tommy yeah if ever there was a guy who'd be a

Thomas it would be him right well if it was no Lee involved he wouldn't have a career Tommy Jones Tommy Jones

no way the silliest actor in town totally we I'm Tommy Jones I didn't kill my wife

yay he follows him off the thing like here I come totally whee I'm Tommy Jones I didn't kill my wife yay yay he follows him off the thing like here I come oh boy Dave what's going on with you my friend

oh boy what is going on with me well we're recording this on a Monday and Monday blues the Monday blues.

The Monday blues. It's absolutely Garfielding. Garfield's kicking my ass today. And I... But we have instituted in my home, for some reason, I haven't talked about this on the show yet, have I?

Oh my God. My daughters have gotten the... heard what that taco tuesday exists oh yes yeah have we talked about this i don't know but it i do believe we talked about taco tuesday in the past but i'm i am fine to jam on it all the rest of my life i love taco tuesday how did they find out about it i don't know how they found out about it, but it was one Tuesday. Margo said, Hey, we have tacos tonight.

Cause it's taco Tuesday. And I was like, yes, of course we can. Like you're the pickiest eaters in the world. Yeah. You want something, you want something that's not a bagel with cream cheese for four meals a day.

Um, so, and, uh, so I, you know, we've been making tacos nothing nothing fancy just the hard shell soft shell both okay do your kids prefer one or the other because i was shocked as a kid to find out there was something other than hard shell i was shocked as growing up like before there was like this foodie renaissance in the city. Correct.

I did not know that tacos could be anything but hamburger meat and a bag of spices. Cold tomatoes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's kind of it. Yeah. But that is what we make.

We do it with chicken and I don't buy the bag of spices. I spice my own. Spice your own? Sure. Uh, but we get the, uh, we get the taco shells and we get the, uh, hard and soft, mostly for cleanup. I'm, I, I say, hey, wrap the hard one in the soft one and then it doesn't fall apart. That's, and do you put like, uh uh like some refried beans on it to seal it all up uh we ring the bell i do i will do that with mine that's great but margo doesn't margo

doesn't the idea of a bean is preposterous to her but now what i've done because a few weeks ago there the canadian and american border was open for like two weeks long. Yeah. And then. Over two weeks. What an orgy of. And I went down and I got my favorite thing from Taco Bell, which is the Crunchwrap Supreme. Nice.

Which is a tortilla with all the like taco stuff inside with, I think, nachos inside. Yeah. tortilla with all the like taco stuff inside with i think nachos inside yeah and then you wrap it like folds over itself yeah and you you know grill it on both ends and then you end up with this tight little guy yeah it's like a little pita pocket a mexican pita pocket and then uh so i did that and i was like and then on in my like stories, it started showing up like how to do this at home. And I was like, this is super easy. So for weeks now I've been having taco. We've been doing taco Tuesdays.

I've been making myself a crunch wrap Supreme at night. And then, oh, we didn't finish all the ingredients. That's okay. I will have a crunch wrap supreme for lunch on wednesday and i think it's maybe my best the best like fast food thing i've ever tried to make at home where do the other ones yeah well like a hamburger here yeah if you tried to like shamrock shake yeah it's hard you need the machine um have you tried making any fast food uh nothing specific nothing like a crunch wrap supreme or uh stuffed crust pizza or that'd be an interesting

challenge just yeah what would you do you would get you to get your own pizza dough and you would get like cheese sticks and fold them up into yeah i think that's exactly what i would do yeah have you have you had stuffed crust pizza the real kind and yeah it was disappointing when i had but it's also since you know what we were talking about before the podcast started is uh ryan and i was saying like the hierarchy of trash pizza and i think stuffed crust pizza probably is the reigning champ of like it's it's you you're doing a real number on yourself when you're eating the stuffed crust pizza yeah you're using a lot of enzymes and your body's working overtime it's a shameful purchase can you do you have to eat it all that day or does it can it be a leftover? I think that the reheating isn't as good as the

original sort of heat you get it with. I remember, if I remember correctly in my sort of like, oh, you know, eat this tomorrow and it was like not,

it congealed in a way and it become its own little concrete, terrible thing. What is, and these are important questions, what is your leftover pizza preparation?

Oh, I heat it in the oven. Oven, okay. Oven. We don't have a microwave around here. Oh. We heat it in the oven. And then I'll load it with hot sauce after it's, hot sauce is the leftover for me,

just to give it new life, if you will. Feel that heat as they would tell the food network. Yes, exactly. Some like a hot bam as emerald would say yeah bam i say he had a sitcom remember yeah he did have a sitcom very which i think the world wanted i think the world was like what desperate for it yeah what does he do in the off hours is everything spite what does this catchphrase spice it up you've been spliced oh bam okay what uh they never gave bobby flay his own show not yet no but they will mario uh

what's his name can't ban people's what am i thinking who's the guy with the crocs oh batali oh yeah yeah canceled canceled batali yeah oh sure uh graham your your leftover pizza i just do a a real quick stint in the microwave i like it to be like it's still a little bit cold yeah yeah yeah like i don't want to i don't want to go back all the way to hot just like medium how about you in a pinch in a pinch i'll microwave it but i like the oven uh i i have done frying pan i've done that before too or it's not it makes it real crispy yeah some people will like fry an egg on top or interesting like add they'll they'll you know turn it into a new dimension i'm not opposed to that no me neither yeah i like eggs on most things actually i i like when an egg shows up and stuff yeah yeah it's a fun even if what you made is kind

of crap if you throw an egg on top it's like it's like suddenly it's a thing yeah pretty gourmet you know what i don't like i don't like it when an egg shows up in my uterus oh yeah well come on that's a part of growing up all right it is It is. Your body's going through a lot of changes. You're either a freak or you're a geek, and welcome to Freaks and Geeks. Two kinds of people in this world, right? The sooner you learn this, the better. So, yeah, that's me. I've been making, you know, designer imposters.

Tacos. uh making uh you know uh designer imposters tacos you get you could get those on the dark web on the i we also there's a restaurant in town where abby and i would get they had like a scramble oh yeah where they would scramble you know uh eggs and cheese and bacon and avocado and tomato on a bagel. And I was like, and this wasn't a fast food restaurant, but I was like, this is good, but I could do it better. And it became a thing that like I made at home. Not a fast food ripoff. A restaurant ripoff. A restaurant ripoff.

I made it elevated. Yeah, that's a big's the food network i do elevated you know if it's not elevated it's deconstructed correct or it's flavor town yeah that's right bypass the other two go straight to flavor town do you guys like to cook i mean i like to cook i don't like what the end result is, but I like the cooking part. I like the idea of it. I do like to cook, but it takes me a long time.

I'm not very good at multitasking, which is kind of what cooking boils down to in a lot of ways. Yes, yes, you said it. Yeah, boiling or boils down to, if you will. Sure. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. But I have to get everything ready beforehand. I have to measure everything out.

I like to put them in their own little spaces, like mannequins, everything chopped up, and then I go for it. I can't do like, get the chicken on and then go chop your thing. It's like, what? No, thank you. Absolutely not.

You're like a TV chef where they have all the, you're like in a infomercial. I'm like a TV chef where they have all the you're like in a tv chef's assistant who does all the chopping and just so the chef can uh uh can live the glory no but it takes me too long i like doing it but i'm i'm not i'm not particularly fast especially when it's like oh yeah it's like 5 30 let's get dinner started for nine o'clock. Kind of. And also, the whole time I'm doing it, I'm very conscious of how many dishes I'm using. That starts upsetting

me halfway through. Like, oh, I'm going to have to clean all these. If there was only one way to double use... There's a... Do you clean your own dishes, or is that up to the person who didn't cook? No, I clean my own dishes or is that up to the person who didn't cook no i clean my own dishes so it's uh yeah i'm the same if i ever if i ever cook then it's like it's like uh doing time and a half i want 20 grand in a suitcase for every time i have to wash the dishes yeah

um when my partner cooks i do try to i do try to clean because she's very good at uh she's very good at chefing very good at cuisine yeah and so i want to show my appreciation because like because when i cook it's like oh that's nice you made a you made a dish and you made your own valentine that's dude that's nice that's nice that's the thought that counts it's the thought that counts my cooking is the thought that counts the thought was great it's it doesn't always turn out that's the name of your restaurant yeah that's the thought that counts question mark do either of you wear aprons uh no i never have towel on the shoulder though i love the towel on the shoulder love that yeah we have aprons i'm always like i should have put that apron on yeah yeah i know they're fun to wear yeah and they're very practical yeah have you ever seen a guy

like working somewhere and he has the leather apron and you feel like man that guy's a real man he's like where he's like shooing horses yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're like well i i don't even know how would i where would I get a leather apron? You know? And he's just like, shoe horses, get out of here. Yeah. Get away from my precious apron. Yeah. And it's always looks worn in.

It's never like, Oh yeah. Like if you had it, it would be, did you just get that? I've had it for 15 years. It looks brand new. It's just stiff as a board.

Yeah. Did you hang it in the closet? No no i stand it up in the closet anyway uh how what's going on with you graham um here's the thing that i i've never really done living in vancouver i don't do very often uh because i only recently came into a car as part of my uh now you you're not supposed to do that come into a car yeah just use this tissue oh my god it's your own car right you're not like the serial yeah i'm not like running around coming into cars coming in cars with comedians and coffee i would like to see that under your name on the news report like graham clark serial car and you're kind of walking away from the camera get away from me i shouldn't have called you guys. Yeah.

And I'm doing the broke version, jizzing into Jaguars. So, I took... Medians and cars coming. Sorry. Yes. No, no, absolutely. I think we got it there already. So, I have this car. And so, a thing that people do in Vancouver, I guess, all the time is like, go to the woods and walk around.

So that's, I did that. I went to the woods. Because there's woods right around the city. You don't have to go very far before you're in. Did you go woods in the city? Yeah, well, out by the university. There's endowment lands, they're called. Yes, yes.

Pacific Spirit Regional Park. That is correct. And that's where, yeah, that's where I went. And it's and it's i can see it i can see the appeal i get it nice it was a nice walk it's a nice walk there's a lot of people doing it that seems to be the one thing that's if you're doing in the city you can't avoid the fact that you're going to see a person every minute or so on your walk so then it becomes just kind of like it's a good uh dog dog off leash uh it is it is good dog lots of good dogs to see lots of dogs that you're not sure that the owner has that kind of mental control over so there's a lot of fear when you see these dogs running towards

you yeah these are these are these are bigger dogs. Red zone dogs, yeah. And like, but yeah, I can see I get it. Like, I get the appeal of it. Like, it's in my mind, I was like, I'm going to hate this. Yeah. But I'm just going to do it to see if I hate it. And I don't hate it. Was it a nice day?

It was a nice day, yeah. It wasn't like warm or anything. It was cold, but it wasn't raining. If it was raining, I would have turned back and been like, forget it. Things like that is I hate the getting to the doing. I don't mind when I'm there. It's like what I start having anxiety about is like, I have to plan to get in the car and get the right shoes on.

I don't want to be bothered by this. And then to drive up there. I don't know. But I get there. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm that way with the beach. Right.

Oh, the beach. It's going to be so crowded. I'm going to have to park so far away. Yes. Then when you get there, you're like, this is good. Yeah. This is fine. Can I go home?

Oh, the hot dog? Exactly. I go to the beach. I just make like a beeline to the shadiest spot no matter how far away oh i make a beeline to the seaweed i cover myself in seaweed i'm big love draping myself in seaweed your big dog you roll around in anything just yeah oh some geese have been here what is your what was your footwear for the hike just a just a pair of running shoes but I feel like I should have been wearing...

Now my running shoes are covered in mud. So that was a mistake. It's nice when you have some footwear that you feel a little invincible in. You're like, yeah, I can do this puddle. I don't mind. I can get draped through it. But I didn't wear the right footwear. And I didn't bring the right

jacket either. I was cold the whole time. Wrong hat as well. Brought the wrong either. It was cold the whole time. So, uh, this is as well. I brought the wrong hat. I had socks on my hands. Just fucked it up. Soup to nuts. Um,

but yeah, I did that. And then in the same, in the inverse of going outside and enjoying a park, I stayed inside and binged, uh, almost an entire TV show. And I, that did not feel good.

That was from the opposite end of the spectrum where you're like, Oh, was it a show at least about a forest? Uh, no, unfortunately like a Yogi bear or a forest gump origin story. I guess forest gump is the forest gump origin story. I got news for you.

Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I guess Forrest Gump is the Forrest Gump I got news for you yeah yeah so and the show is good it's called Euphoria yeah and it's very like there's a lot of penises in it it is stressful yeah it's stressful and

but really there's so many penises in it I don't think I've ever seen a show. It is stressful. Yeah, it's stressful. But really, there's so many penises in it. I don't think I've ever seen a show so penis-free. I mean, that's a real stress reliever. How'd you come into this show, Greg? You know what show had a lot of penises in it as well was Chernobyl. Remember? Oh, did Chernobyl? I didn't see Chernobyl.

The Naked Miners. I like it when we see penises. I think equal opportunity. Let's see all of humanity. Let's see it all. Let's see it all. Yeah, the new Jackass movie apparently has quite a few penises, too. They've always been pretty penis forward in that series.

But yeah. I find Silence of the Lambs was pretty penis backwards. That's true. But yeah, you don't see a lot of penises in prime time. So it's nice. It's nice to, you mostly see it during the day. Yeah. For me, yeah.

It's during the day in the woods at the beach. Maury Povich's penis. Yeah, exactly. Drew Carey's penis hanging out. Do the, is Maury Povich still on? Oh, probably. I mean, he probably, if he's not, he probably does like a New Year's special or something like that. I was thinking about those i was thinking about those shows where it was the

you're not the father you are the father yeah uh you're not the mother huh what and i was thinking about how they used to make me feel so like so bad lori was renewed to the 2021, 2022, 2022 season. So he's got TV. They used to make me feel so good when the guy who thought he wasn't the father, wasn't the father. Yeah. I would feel so bad when the guy who was sure he wasn't the father actually

was the father. And then I would feel the worst when the guy who wanted to be the father and wanted to like, yeah, I'm here for the, you're not the father guy. Yeah. That was the guy who wanted to be the father and wanted to like, yeah, I'm here for you're not the father guy. Yeah, that was the guy. That was terrible.

But being in the crowd must have been electric. Yeah. Yeah. It was. If I was in whatever city it's filmed in, I assume Los Angeles, but maybe it's somewhere else. I would go. I would, if I had the time, I would schedule going to Maury taping. I mean, Jerry Springer is still on, isn't it? Ah, boy.

I can't answer that. It's just one of those shows like it just will keep going. You know, like Chicago Fire or whatever has been on like for 21 years or something. Since season 19, the show has been taped at the Rich Forum in Stamford, Connecticut.

Shit. Oh, really? It was previously in New York, and now it's in Connecticut. I bet this is down the street from where Maury Povich lives. Oh, that would be the best. He just strolls over from home. We trucked some prospective fathers in from the city today. How old do you guess Maury Povich is?

Oh. Because he was an old man when I watched the show in the 90s. I would say that he's in his late 70s. Yeah, I would say early 80s, late 70s. Or 83. 83. Holy shit, still going strong. Well, we don't know if he's going strong.

You haven't seen it lately. We better put him on a lie detector. Are going strong still yeah that was a lie that's right used to send kids to boot camp that was the that was the other flavor of maury poe those were great shows yeah because there was a guy that came on right there was a a kid you were like the military hat yes yeah yeah the mountie you of you think you're tough you think you're tough well yell at me i can yell more than you yeah wasn't there i feel like there was an episode i don't know if it was maury but where they go to scared straight prison thing was that maury could have been jenny jones could have been maury could have been uh Jerry Springer anyways I remember their one

kid that they were trying to scare was just so enticed by what was going on I think he like saw these tough guys and was like this is the kind of thing I'm interested in taking down notes like okay like he had their thoughts I've been to prison before but he's like

I do okay here this is like where all the bullies learn how to be bullies to prison before but he's like I do okay here it's just like where all the bullies learn how to be bullies okay alright it's weird that those shows like

they were I was more the only one who did the like paternity tests because really there was not much that set them apart if they were all doing

Scared Straight and they were all doing Boot Camp yeah or like they would just choose they'd flip a coin with a problem kid and be like you get boot camp you get a makeover

makeover was always uh that was always a fun thing because the person was always pretty reluctant it wasn't as soft and and nice feeling as like queer eye it was always just kind of like we're throwing out your garbage clothes because you're a garbage person. Or they would do someone who had a hard time in high school confronting their bully. Yes.

Remember Bully Beatdown? What was Bully Beatdown? I thought maybe that's the, it was a show where, it was on MTV where bullies would, like, I guess a wimp would invite a tough guy to do an MMA fight with a bully

i mean i'm not maybe they weren't all wimps you know i don't know the situation but like and then they would do like they would like entice the bully into fighting this mma guy in an octagon environment oh so the wimp didn't have to fight. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was a wimp called in to help.

And then the bully was like, yeah, I'm still a bully and I can't back down. So I'm going to fight this, this, I guess, adult bully. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then they would get beat down. I think. Yeah, I think you're right. And I do remember this show and, uh,

you know what? Now nerds rule the planet. So it doesn't matter anymore. Bullies don't count anymore. They're all going to go to prison or MMA camp. Those are the two things. Now I'd like to see the reverse. I'd like to see some nerds get beat up. Yeah, right? The pendulum

has swung too far. Yeah, yeah. Bring some MMA guys down to Silicon Valley. A bully brings an MMA guy down. Yeah. Well, do you think we should move on to some overheards? Yeah. Hi, I'm looking for a movie. Oh, I got you.

There's that new foreign film with the time travel. There's an amazing documentary about queer history on streaming. Have I told you about this classic where giant robots fight? there's that one that most critics hated but i thought was actually pretty good oh i know the one with the huge car chase and then there's that scene where the car jumps over the submarine wow who are you eclectic movie experts well i'm if you want to i'm drea clark and i'm alonzo deraldi and together we host the movie podcast Maximum Film. New episodes every week on MaximumFun.org. And you actually just walked into our recording booth. Oh, weird. Sorry. I thought this was a video store.

You seem like a lady with a lot of problems. Well, Manolo, we have a show to promote. It's called After Game Show. It's a family-friendly podcast where listeners submit games and we play them with callers from around the world oh sounds good new episodes happen every other wednesday on maximumfun.org it's a it's a fast and loose oasis of absurd innocence and naivete are you writing a, I'm just saying things from my memory. And it's a nice break from reality.

Are we allowed to say that? I don't know, it sounds bad. It comes with a 100% happiness guarantee. It does not. Come for the games and stay for the chaos. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where out there in the big wide world

if you've got a pair of ears that work or a pair of eyes that work or failing those sense of touch you may get to experience something great and hilarious, and we encourage you not to keep it to yourself. We say,

send it our way. We always like to start with the guests. Ryan, would you please? Absolutely. So a little bit of setup. This took place when I was a teenager. Oh,

and I was walking to school in the early morning because I'd like to get to school as early as possible. Very popular boy. But down the street from where we lived was a house that had a young man in it who could only be described as a bad boy. He was a bad boy. Smoking, drinking, partying, had a loud car, and his parents were always yelling at him. He was a bad boy. This guy's rules. What were you going to do? At always yelling at him He was a bad boy This guy's rules

What were you going to do? At school? No, bad boy, bad boy Oh, what are you guys doing? At school I was going to go right to the student council But on the way, I went walking to school one day And it was clear There had been some partying at the house

The night before, it was kind of early in the morning And the dad, who I recognize as the dad, I mean, I think it was the dad. You piece together your neighbor's story. Bad boy's dad boy. Was taking bad boy and was throwing him down the stairs. Not throwing him, but kind of pushing him aggressively down the stairs. And he said to bad boy, he said in an aggressive tone, get out of my stupid house.

And if you know me, I probably told you a story because it begs the question was he being self-deprecating was he trying to call him stupid i think it's probably he wanted to say fucking or frigging or whatever you know what i mean he wanted to say get out of my frigging house or something like that right he said get out of my stupid house. But maybe he was. Maybe he hated his house. I don't know. Get out of this dumb dopey house. You're too good for it. You go to Hollywood.

You chase your dream. If I ever see you here again, I'll be so sad. But anyways, I think about it often. And that's my overheard. But boy, real estate is going crazy in this city yeah yeah people will even buy a stupid house the average stupid house is like three million dollars and there's you know there's bidding wars for them lots of idiots come in from everywhere dave do you have an overheard? Well, I have one, yes.

But I also have an overseen that I shared with you because I got so excited. There's a pizza restaurant opening up on, up the street. There used to be a, what was it called? Bite My Slice or whatever? Yeah, Bite My Slice. Bite My Slice.

Bite Me. What was it called? It was called Flying Wedge Flying Wedge You don't see the fresh slice around anymore No Well, you know what you're going to see now Because replacing Flying Wedge A new pizza place called Slicy Pizza

Slicy Pizza What? And I can see, flash forward Me being a regular customer Yeah that's a slice of me do you have your slicey card sir yes i do it's in the very front of my wallet hey no it's in a it's in like one of those like uh plastic lanyards you know that you take to conventions sure a backstage pass always displayed

you're laminate sir I do need to stamp that you can't laminate that so I was at a in my real overheard is I was at a plant nursery oh yes

I was gearing up uh, a, uh, plant nursery. Oh yeah. I was, uh, you know, get gearing up for spring. You know, I love, I love, I see things budding.

I get so excited. Yeah. Perennials, deciduous is, um, uh, bulbs, bulbs,

absolutely bulbs. Yeah. Well, they're coming. Yeah. And, uh, sorry.

Yeah. And then, uh, so I was at this garden place and I was just, I haven't been in, you know, since the fall and since the summer really. And I was just like looking around, spending a lot of time there. Sure. Going down every aisle. And I don't grow food. I just grow plants. And I don't grow food.

I just grow plants. But I was in the sort of food section, and there was an employee talking to a guy who, and she was pointing out a bag of potatoes that he could grow. And she said, these are the best potatoes. Go to any fancy restaurant. You'll see these potatoes on the menu by name. And the guy says, I don't usually see names of potatoes on the menu it's usually just says french fries that's adorable it's adorable i'm not going to the same restaurants as you garden lady yeah exactly what do you get what it would be a like fingerling

i would have guessed that would be the name but I went and I looked at the area she was pointing at. I didn't recognize any of these. Can't be russets. Can't be just a russet. Yukon Golds? I'm a dozen. Boy, I don't know what the fan, what's the fanciest potato?

Oh, gratin? Yeah, gratin is pretty fancy. Yeah, but that's. The dish. You don't grow the cheese. I mean, that potato tornado is pretty fancy yes potato tornadoes rule why can't that just be why can't there be a restaurant that's all carnival food why does that not exist that's a million dollar idea right yeah yeah and it has a carnival

atmosphere yeah exactly yeah good uh you sit in a giant carousel that's only freaks behind the counter. Real freaks. I just googled fanciest potato and the answer is a French potato called La Bonote. But it's a picture of some potatoes and Sean Astin from Lord of the Rings.

I guess it looks like a potato. I guess he does have a... I mean, he made a lot of potatoes in that film He always wanted to fry up some potatoes And stuff He's concerned with feeding Also Sling Blade wanted some french fried potatoes That's right he wanted french fried potatoes

That's right The two great characters In Italy You can order a pizza That is like potato And it'll come with French fries on top of it. Oh, yes. Instead of like slices. It's just like French fries on top of a pizza. Yeah, go to Italy.

Get off the plane. Find me the French fry pizza. What's your overheard, Graham? Mine is from a lovely, let's call them a little rough couple, you know? A couple that's probably like arguing in public all the time. Yes, yes. But, you know, like a punk rock kind of couple that are yelling at each other probably always and forever. Having a crusty Valentineentine exactly they were

very crusty and uh walking out of the train station i heard one of them say to the other who was walking towards a bicycle she yelled at him that's not your fucking bike your bike's over here but like boy oh boy this guy he's he's always forgetting which bike is his yeah she's really she's not afraid to call him out in public yeah and uh tell him that he's stupid and uh where his bike is anyways couple of the years that's tough man if you were like if you forgot what bike was yours yeah but i mean but also does that mean that you stole a bike yeah but you're worthy of love and you don't deserve to be yelled at that's right find a partner who will delicately tell you that you're an idiot and where your bike is yeah yeah yeah gently pull you aside your fucking bike

is over here loser get your stupid bike come here you i want to empathize with you. Look, babe, babe, wish I could flip a switch and make this your bike, but, but you're dumb and everyone knows it. It's just not. Yeah. Um, now we also have overheard sent in from people all over the world. If you want to send one into us,

it's SPY at maximum fun.org. And, this first one comes from Owen R. Parts unknown. I was at a consignment shop yesterday looking through the clothing racks. Two younger guys in sweatpants and ball caps walked by and one said to his buddy, ever since he

started hanging out with girls, he no longer listens to my fashion advice. Yeah. I wonder what kind of fashion advice this guy guy you know ball caps, they're still in fashion and the great thing about ball caps you can wear them many different ways

yeah frontwards, backwards sideways hasn't come back in a big way yet remember sideways if your team is in the late innings and they're down by a few runs rally cap turn them inside out yeah yeah or you can do the shark fin you don't have to turn them inside out if you want to save your hat you can just do the shark fin on your head like put the hat like

oh high on top of your head you know what i mean not high up so like you take if this is the bill yeah do this oh you do that listen he took the bell and he's doing this. For the people just listening. I feel like Will Smith was a big proponent of the sideways hat in the early days. Oh, this is a story. All about how my life got flipped

upside down. I promised my mother I would. I'd like to take a minute to sit right there. Actors are dumb. Everything's dumb if you break it down. Has this Bel Air show started airing? I think so.

I think so. The Bel Air show has aired. Yeah, it's on. I know that it was advertised in Canada as being on Showcase, which is not a thing I have. And I do want to see, I want to see how dramatic Carlton is. Let's see, you know, Moody Carlton. He's dancing sadly.

He's not dancing to Tom Jones anymore. Is there a DJ Jazzy Jeff character that gets thrown out, but it's very serious all the time? Like, it's like, it's a running thing. He always gets thrown out. They push very serious all the time. It's a running thing. They push him out and say, get out of my stupid house. He's increasingly more damaged every time he comes over. He's got cuts on his face.

Out of my stupid mansion. This next one comes from Justin in Pro Riviere. Is that how you say it? Pro Riviere. Quebec. This next one comes from Justin In Trois-Rivières Is that how you say it? Trois-Rivières Quebec It's a tough one It's beautiful

Tough to pronounce if you're Anglo It means three rivers It's named after the former Pittsburgh Pirates stadium Is that three rivers? Or was it Cincinnati Reds Or were they Riverside Stadium? I'm not sure. Well, they had a great NLCS in 1990 featuring Jose Rio on the mound.

I went to Pittsburgh to watch the Cubs play in 2015. I saw the Cubs beat the Pittsburgh Pirates in a playoff game, and I felt so scared for my life because the sports fans there took it so seriously. We were walking around a mall trying to buy beer and a group of people followed us and booed us because i was wearing a cubs hat they followed us around and booed us in a jovial way but also in a way if we catch you go home yeah when the when the sun goes down yeah Three Rivers Stadium was in Pittsburgh. All right.

This is not where this takes place. This is in Quebec. No, it's the Trois-Rivieres, Quebec. I was shoveling my parking spot behind my apartment when I overheard an exchange between a neighbor and people walking in the back alley. Out of nowhere, the neighbor got out on her porch and asked very loudly,

Do squirrels sleep over winter? And without hesitation, one of the passersby said in a very patronizing way, well, at night, yeah. You dumb piece of shit. You loser. Aren't they, are they hibernators? Do they, like. I think that's why they're gathering so much.

Yeah. Not here. You see them all year round here just yeah scheming scheming yeah they're always doing i i love a squirrel because like their whole existence is like i could die at any moment everything's a threat to me and i just like it seems so stressful that's literally every yeah but i don't feel that way Every city animal Every city animal Well A raccoon can be a little bit more cocky about it We had a raccoon

So the house next to us is Being built Yeah And They've They've got scaffolding All up the side of it So they can work on the outside of the

House And Apparently We've never had raccoons On our roof before But they can climb the scaffolding now and get over to our place i love them so i was i was woken up at three in the morning by some fat ass bumping i raccoon on my roof i have a great affinity for wild animals that live in the city because as uh an artist in in Vancouver, I feel the same.

It's a very rich city and I feel like I exist in spite of it sometimes. So I always have an affinity to like a coyote, a raccoon, a bird's prey that might be in there, an opossum here or there. Big old skunk. Big old skunk. I love a skunk. They're adorable.

My dad had a pet skunk growing up. It was de-skunked. And its name was Skunker. Oh, that's good. That's good. This last one comes from Jessica N. from Kansas City, Missouri. I was enjoying a little thrifting last weekend when I heard a lady trying on shoes say, it's like walking on the devil himself.

Brilliant. Is that a good thing? I don't know if it's because you're walking on him. So, you know, you're showing him no respect. But also, he's probably pretty spicy. I think also sometimes I think some shoes are painful to wear. But, you know, you go through it because they look good. Yeah, they look

like a sneaker, but they feel like a pump. Yes. The opposite. But they're painful to wear. But they look so good. I think that's good. I think the devil's good. The devil's good. Yeah, I said it. Well, the devil wore Prada. If I recall, fashion-wise.

And that's it. That's all my overheards from this well that's great and i love it and in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-797-631 that's one oh it's five odd one hey Hey, doodle do. Stinky, winky baby. And uh-oh, here's skunker. Here's skunker. Oh. Okay, phone calls. Here we go.

Hey, Graham, Dave, and possible guest. This is Maggie from Kingston with an overheard. I work at a slightly gloomy recreation center, and my office is right by the front door. The other day, an older woman and a little girl who's about five or six years old came in and the little girl looked around and said, oh, grandma, is this where you work? Well, off I go. Grandma, no. I can't take care of you, Grandma. This is where you work.

This is it for you. I hate this. Right to the heart of the matter, kids. Get right to the heart of the matter. Got no filter. Pull their punches. Yeah. My grandparents all worked in super cool places.

Laser tag. Oh, yeah, that's right. Both your grandparents were in laser tag. Yeah. That grandparents all worked in super cool places. What? Lasertag. Oh, yeah, that's right. Both your grandparents were in Lasertag. Yeah. That's how they met. Well, that's, they were actually, my parents were like a Romeo and Juliet because their parents had rival Lasertags. Yeah, your mom was red, your dad was blue.

Yeah. For the Tron colors. And here's your next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and possible guests. My name is Taylor, and I live in Cleveland. I'm calling in with an overheard. I was in a new sort of boutique store, at least I thought it was, and I walked in, and it was one of those kind of new-agey,

health, wellness, witchcraft kind of places. And there were two people behind the counter, and one of them turned to the guy and said, Hey, aren't you a Virgo? Can you come stand by me? I need some of your Virgo energies.

And the guy said, I don't know. What are you? And the other guy said, Oh, I'm a Scorpio. And so the Virgo said, I guess I can use some of that.

And then they moved over and stood next to each other for a while. So anyway, that's it thanks so much off I go I didn't know that astrology like had fill up I'm running out I gotta fill up more of this I need that yeah got him got him

got him yeah I've been standing in line all day next to an Aquarius yeah so get over here get over here and rub your belly on me. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

Like astrology people are. People too. They're their own breed. Yeah. They're, they're, they fascinate me. I'll say that.

They fascinate me because it's just so much knowledge of this stuff that could be not knowledge at all i don't know if they are telling the truth about anything but uh like that yeah it does seem like a little bit of a uh waste when you could you could have been learning how to actually improve yeah but there's lots of that you know like you know i don't know like i don't my baseball fandom could be a waste and it is exactly like i don't know i say that but i don't know how yeah how i would study improving my life no exactly neither yeah yeah um yeah i don't uh it's like it's a it's something that if you know about it you know all the things about it yeah if you're just a casual read your horoscope in the paper kind of person i feel like

there's no in between like somebody's like either or do it yeah well well now we're not going to settle this today guys let's agree to disagree even though i think we probably we're on the same page about it yeah all right now right. Now, you know what? Let's let bygones be bygones. Fair enough. Here is your final phone call. Hello, Dave, Graham, and probable guests. My name is Paul from Oakland, California.

I think you may hear my dog Susie panting in the background. We are driving around town today, and there was a street vendor selling jerk chicken, and the name of his tent is just called Jerkin' It. All right, off I go. That's a fine overheard, but I really just want to hear the dog panting. It sounded like the microphone got closer to the dog as the call went on. You may be able to hear my dog panting in the background. Yes, definitely. In fact, let me adjust the mic.

Now you can. And that dog is just having like, just a recovery from the best time. It was running around like a crazy dog. Put your dog on the phone. Oh boy That's a good dog And Jerkinet

Jerkinet was the name of the That's good Dog was the winner You know what What do you think that dog breed was Based on the panting I pictured a Labrador Yeah I was also picturing Kind of like a Lab or like What do you think that dog breed was, based on the panting, if you had to put money on it? I pictured a Labrador.

Yeah, I was also picturing a Lab or like a Weimerer. You know those kind of like dead-eyed dogs? Yeah, yeah. Dead-eyed dogs. They look kind of like serial killers, you know those dogs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know them to be loud panters. No.

I think like Pugs, you see them panting a lot. Yeah, that, yeah. I don't know them to be loud panters. No. I think like pugs, you see them panting a lot. Yeah, that's true. It's like pretty fast. It's fast panting. And it's snortier. Yeah, it's snortier. Yeah, there's some grunts. Anyways, we could talk about dog panting till the day we die.

And I hope we do. But it brings us to the end of this episode. Ryan, thank you so much for being our guest. I always love to be here. And where can people find this new, exciting podcast? I can't wait to hear it. Where can people get it? On CBC Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Or CBC Listen as well, I think is another place to search. But if you just Google that or put into your podcast machine, whatever you get your podcast, Let's Make a Sci-Fi, you'll be able to find it. Right, Dave? Yep. Yeah, pretty much. It's Ryan Beal.

It's Mark Chavez. It's Matty Kelly. It's produced by Dave Shumka. You can't miss. From Kelly and Kelly, which is one of the great comedians. And all the great folks at Kelly and Kelly. Yeah. Parts of Vancouver.

Like what they've done for Vancouver Comedy. Kelly and Kelly, that creative hub. Yes. So happy to work with them and what they do. And so, yeah. From the minds of, this sounds serious. And this is that. And all that other shit.

All the goods. Yeah. Well, I'm excited to hear it. And to all of you out there, thank you very much for listening. And we still have tickets probably for sale for our show in Edmonton at April 2nd

as part of Winterruption, which is no longer in the winter. Interruption or Winterruption? Winterruption. Oh, it's one word. So there's a, you know, you go to the maximumfund.org and you can click on the link for today's episode

and there's a link to buy tickets to that. There you go. And yeah, thanks for listening, everybody out there. If you live near a forest that there you go and uh yeah thanks for listening everybody out there if you live near a forest can't recommend it enough go for a walk if you don't and if you go for a walk and put one of those little um air fresheners uh that look like a pine tree around and you initially described it as the woods graham which i prefer not a like you went you went to the woods the woods just like more kind of romantic and dreamy. And if anyone out there is being bullied, just call the crew at Bully Beatdown.

They will somehow lure your bully with a, I don't know, a fingerless glove. Yeah, a finger on a stick. Jean jacket mask. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org.

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