Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 730 - Sophie Buddle

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

Comedian Sophie Buddle returns to talk drug journeys, pouring cement, and Avril Lavigne.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 730 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who finally switched his calendar off up to March, Mr. Dave Shumka. Well, I don't have a very good pin to keep it stuck up. So I think I did earlier switch it over. Then it fell down and I put it back up to February.

Classic. Because I feel like I got to earn March. Then it fell down and I put it back up to February. Classic. Because I feel like I got to earn March. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Earn March, cruise through April. Then you're practically at summer. Yeah. You got March, you're in like a lion, like a lamb. April, you got them showers.

May, them flowers. That's right. And then finally, June. Everybody put your Ray-Bans on. Oh, no. June is gloom. Hmm? June is. Oh, no, June is gloom. June is gloom. Oh, June is gloom.

Yeah. Hmm. Okay. Well, now I know, and I'm all the better for it. June, the month of June is short for Judy Bloom. That's right. Which is weird, because it's not Judy Bloom, which is what you'd think it would be with what I said. That person you hear laughing there that's

our guest today returning guest to the podcast one of our favorites you can catch her in st louis um i don't know the exact dates but the helium comedy club it's sophie buttle everybody hello hello guys how do you do how do you do do. Yeah? I do pretty good, yeah. I'm in my place in L.A. now, and my mom just left. I've been here for one month, and she's already visited twice. Nice, nice. So I'm getting a lot of Mumble-oo time in, which is great. Is it because she's trying to land a big role so that she just keeps coming down to L.A.?

Like, I'll crash with you, but... Yeah. Oh, yeah, she's very to like land a big role so that she just keeps coming down to la and like i'll crash with you but uh yeah oh yeah she's she's very californian it suits her nicely she's just she's got a lot of escapades going on yes uh yeah that's la if i've ever heard it boy oh boy yeah but even but even in ottawa like she just um we just had a very interesting exchange because uh she's recently well she's always kind of had an interesting journey with drugs because oh man let's get into this let's get to know all right this is getting this is heavy duty let's get into it get to know mom yeah she when i was when i was writing for 22 minutes in hamilton in uh halifax she came and stayed with me for for a week just to come to visit she'll she'll follow me anywhere but um i had some wheat chocolate in my apartment and i knew that i was going to be gone the whole day to go to work and I knew that she was going to go through all my stuff and eat all my chocolate so I bought her a decoy chocolate bar so that it would slow her down from getting

to the weed chocolate because I knew she wasn't going to read it she's just scavengers but what I did not predict was that as soon as she landed she ate the decoy chocolate bar and then the next day that I was at work I got a text from her it's just a picture of this chocolate bar that was like it said like alaskan thunderfuck on it like it wasn't like a regular edible even like it was too strong for me that's why there was so much of it because i couldn't eat it and she was like i just ate so much of this am i gonna be okay and i was like like i had just gotten to work i was like we'll see right yeah i mean your guest is as good as mine mom well i like it and she's not she doesn't even drink alcohol like

i know this is going to be a big issue for her but this is much like what would happen if you left a dog at home for the day this is you exactly although you the dog would not be all right no that's right exactly well she was also not all right. So I go back and then her eyes. But the dog wouldn't have been all right even after the decoy chocolate bar. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like taller than a dog too.

So even if I hit it high up, she was going to get it. Okay. So I just want to keep track of everything. Right, right, right. Mom's taller than a dog just okay i'm running that down okay yeah write it down um and yeah so i get i get back her eyes are the smallest i've ever seen them she cannot she's standing and her eyes are closed they're so small and she's now shorter than a dog she's now shorter than a dog yeah if you want to add that to the graph so what what did you do what was the what was the recovery process well i was like can i get you something to eat and

she was like no and i was like something to eat though and she was like dumplings and so i went out i got her like a hundred dollars worth of dumplings i brought him back she ate one and then fell asleep in my bed on top of the covers and so i'm just i'm trying to help her in her drug journey because she has anxiety so i think that in my mind i'm like well this will help but not when you abuse it yeah no it's usually you think you think your anxiety would would be worse than knowing that anything you eat might get you high well yeah so um this is that that is the first step in her drug journey um additional so so that was the first step that was step one yes okay how long ago was that that was year and a half ago i guess so she's had no drug journey until a year and a half ago this is going

to be i'm i'm under the impression she did some drugs shortly before I was born. But I think basically a big gap in her resume between then. Some hard drugs for about nine months before I was born. Yeah, that's why I'm this way. So then, whenever I'm in Ottawa, I'll go to the dispensary and I'll buy an edible or something. And I'll leave it around her place because she likes to have a little nibble before she goes to sleep. Like just regular lowest dose edibles they have. But she won't buy it herself. It has to be from you. Doesn't like to buy it herself, but she likes what I have. She doesn't want to end up on a list.

She doesn't want to end up on whatever kind of list I'm on. And so I always go and I get it for her. And I got a text from her not long ago a couple weeks ago that was like I think I need a new edible I think the one that you left here has gone stale and she sent me a picture and it was a picture of just like the parchment paper that edibles come in and so and it had a bunch of little bite marks all around it so for weeks she's been just eating paper and thinking that it was the edible and i was like okay that's it's paper that's paper that's not the edible and then she's like it's been helping me sleep i love it but had she eaten the actual edible itself no it was like garbage that I had left from one that I had eaten.

But you had given her one also. Yes, but that one's missing. That one immediately went missing. She's only been eating paper and she loves it. Okay. That's stale. So she's now she's a full blown druggie. And yeah, she's getting her fix whenever she's in L.A.

She's got a hookup in L.A. I only one kind of edible. Do you know what it is? I'm going to say Wendy's. Wendy's Baconator. The incredible edible egg. Oh, yes. Dave loves eggs.

It's a big thing. He has an egg before he goes to bed. Oh, like it is actually a weed. Weed egg. No, it's just a regular egg. Oh, yes. Dave loves eggs. It's a big thing. He has an egg before he goes to bed. It is actually a weed egg. No, it's just a regular egg. He just likes the egg to help him sleep. Yeah, he got a lot of them. Yeah. Okay, so that step, was that

step two in drug? Her whole journey is those two steps. Yes, but her and I both have eaten a lot of paper and i think more than the average i'm not sure how much paper you guys eat but my favorite thing when i lived in vancouver i used to go to the ymca on berard and they have like a go through the recycling and yeah i eat about a ream of paper a week something like that i am curious how much paper other people eat i know everybody eats 30 spiders every day yeah yeah i know that but i'm not sure how much paper people eat if you live

in a haunted house you get 30 spiders every day in your mouth okay yeah but i don't know what the average paper is for example i eat a lot of toilet paper and then i wipe my butt with food that's why we call him mr backwards um you uh what are you eating paper that's stuck to candy or something like that or you just yeah that's what i'm imagining no so i mean probably also but not that i'm clocking right now but i used to always go to the ymca and then downstairs they have like a food like you know pre-prepared meals and my favorite thing that i would get almost every time i would work out afterwards was a I go to the YMCA and then downstairs they have like a food, like, you know, pre-prepared meals. And my favorite thing that I would get almost every time I would work out afterwards was a salmon salad. And I loved it.

I would like, I would rave about this salad because I loved the salmon skin. And there was one day that I finally realized that what I thought was the salmon skin was just the parchment paper that it was being cooked on that had really soaked up a lot of oil. And then when I realized that it was paper, I think i still ate it because i loved it so much yeah yeah if an ingredient works you know yeah sometimes like if something is like a you know the i'm thinking of those caramels where they're like they're they're they clearly have been folded in paper before they reach room temperatures or the paper's all stuck in it yeah and i think i've had like a chewy uh room temperature um worthers i feel like worthers is uh and now that the second i say where there's like a pavlov response i just that's all i want um yeah i guess i've eaten paper that way um you know i do a lot of acid so oh i love it yeah tabs of acid i always heard i i don't think i've ever actually seen acid but i like i always heard

how it would be it was a in like a like whenever they did drug education they would describe it to you but i and also be careful. Any paper might be. Yeah, that's true. If you're hanging out in the drug scene, don't. If somebody gives you a word, they're saying, no way, man. I don't like getting high. Have you ever done acid, Sophie Buttle?

No, I haven't. But people have given me acid. So I actually have a lot of acid in my home in Vancouver that I'm not sure what to do with now. Because it's like when I come to town now, it's usually just for a couple days. So I'm not going to like cram an acid trip in there. Yeah. In between seeing old friends and family. Seeing old friends and seeing new wizards. um you uh uh you're just down to la you've just moved down there um how are you liking it how's it going down in the city of angels pretty good aka holly weird i keep calling it holly weird absolutely they do not like it and it's like sorry that it's too weird for you. But I like it.

That's fucking crazy. I never put that together. Hollyweird is Hollywood? Yeah. I thought they were two different places. Oh, well, you were thinking it was Hollyweird and Dollywood. Yeah. Go ahead and add a Dollyweird.

That's a suburb of Hollyweird. Dollywood. Yeah. Now, you don't drive a car, do you? I do not drive a car, but I really feel that it is now down to the wire that I should learn to drive a car because I had been able to avoid it for so long living in Vancouver. But really, everything here is about a 30-minute drive. vancouver but really everything here is about a 30 minute drive and i'm i live quite central but um i can't afford to just take 50 ubers every day for unpaid open mic spots if anything you should be driving an uber every day just to make up exactly yeah are. Are you unlicensed? I'm unlicensed, but I have driven a lot of cars.

Yeah, how'd that work out? I just feel like boyfriends always want to teach me to drive, and so they let me drive their cars once. And then they realized I have a need for speed. I think that people want to teach me to drive because they think new drivers will be timid. Yes. But that's not my personal issue.

You push it all the way down. You go nuts. I'm too fast, too furious. Well, you know, why haven't you got your license? If you're comfortable speeding around, then surely you could just go and ace the test. I think I tried two different times to do the test, and the first time I had forgotten my ID,

and the second time I failed the test. But it many years ago so i can't recall forgotten your id yeah i mean i guess sure do you have a friend that can vouch for you honestly like the for a second i was like that's totally like how could you do that and then i oh, you didn't have your driver's license. Yeah, what am I going to bring my birth certificate? I also don't have a health care card, so I have very few pieces of ID that I could bring. Well, we all know that you were in major debt to the health care premium. Oh, yeah, I forgot that was on here. The first time on the show.

My creditor, the creditors were coming after me for my medical. So what do you use as ID when you're down there? You don't have a driver's license. Passport. You got to walk into a bar with a passport? Hell yeah. You're like a foreign national. I'm patriotic, yeah.

Do you keep it in a money belt that is like underneath your shirt? Oh, like as German tourists? Yeah. Yeah. That is like underneath your shirt. Oh, like as German tourists. Yeah. Yeah. I actually have abs.

This is just a prosthetic tummy to keep all my paperwork in. So I can, in case I need to go to the embassy or something. Or if you need to chomp on some paper while you're out. Yeah, that's one thing that's great about my passport is it doubles as the staff. Just rip off a page. I walked past the U.S. consulate by accident the other day. They have consulates just in regular houses. I mean, gigantic houses.

Oh, they're just in houses? Like a bed and breakfast type of house? Like giant estates. Oh, giant estates, sure. You know the Chinese consulate on Granville because it always has um like protesters outside or like people oh yeah yeah that's right yeah uh so like it's in that neighborhood there huh yeah because i guess there's not like because if you go to ottawa like every country's got a a separate building the ottawa ones are scary the american one is crazy the american one in ot Ottawa is like the biggest building in Ottawa.

Yeah. I don't know the difference between an embassy and a consulate, but, uh, that's a good question. So if you grew up in Ottawa, what's the diff? Well,

so an embassy is where they live and the consulate is where they freak out. That's where they go to freak out stands to reason yeah any other questions because i'd love to i guess that's it well what have you have you ever gone to one of the galleries have you ever seen one of the national galleries because they're very expensive to go to no No. What do they do there? Oh, you know, paintings, sculptures. Oh, just art galleries. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. I have been to the art gallery in Ottawa.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it's pretty good. Oh, so, yeah. Graham's question wasn't related to embassies. No, no. I hadn't realized that we pivoted, but that's my thought.

I got people on my toes. I didn't either. But, like, going back to embassies. Are they expensive? Why are they so expensive? I thought they were free. I do not recall them being free. But.

I think they charged you. Yeah, that's true. I did have an, I had somebody else's passport. Yeah. Freak tax. Yeah, exactly. The American one is all like hard angles and cement looking. It's very bunker, like if a bunker was also a skyscraper.

Yes. Yeah, this is a good description. Abby, my wife, Abby, my wife, lived in, also her own person, lived in Bern, the capital of Switzerland. And there were tons of crazy embassies and tons of rumors about, huh, this parking lot looks like an empty parking lot, but look at all the security cameras. That's because it's over top of a bunker full of Nazi gold. Well, there's a lot of really mysterious buildings in LA too. There's this hike near my house that I like to walk to and there's this one building that I always wondered about because it's huge

and it's kind of colonial looking and it could just be a really big expensive house but it has signs that say not open to the public and to me it's like if it's a house then that's implied so it's like must be a business and so I walk by it all the time and I try to look in and it has barbed wire around the sides and it's very mysterious looking, but it's on a main road next to residential houses. And so finally I figured out the address and I Google Mapsed it.

And it's the, do you guys actually, do you guys want to guess first? Oh, yes, I do. Okay, tell me, describe the house again. So it's it's kind of

colonial looking I was looking up the price to get into the National Gallery you were doing Windex stuff you were busy so it's

it's $20 $20 yeah that's not free that's high that's high yeah I mean my mom probably snuck us in

it's free for children 11 and under oh uh I should have been wearing a pinwheel hat and looking at you i think you could pass graham thank you those rosy cheeks yeah 10 bucks with a student id oh yeah okay passports basically that right i'm traveling the traveling world i'm a student um okay i think tell me about this building at this house again sorry okay big um um sort of

looks like george washington would live there it's got like pillars um kind of peach color around got a pretty nice green roof sort of a parliamentary roof um a parking lot on the side with about five parking spots okay and signs on the front and side that say not open to the public. What is the neighborhood? The neighborhood is West Hollywood. It's mostly residential. There's a couple restaurants. Graham, do you have a guess?

Yeah. I think we have the same guess. Do you want to say it at the same time? One, two, three. The Addams Family House. The Addams Family House. uh do you i think we have the same guest you want to say at the same time one two three what was yours what was dave's what was dave's scientology oh okay so that was also our suspicion was scientology um but we googled it and it turns out it's a school for um scoundrels mutants sort of it's like a juvenile it's like a juvenile detention school or something like that but it's such a nice building that i feel like it's maybe

like a lister's problem oh yeah sure yeah oh boy who's the who's the because there's a whole new class of uh celebrities that were you know that are sprung from famous parents. Who do you think's the most delinquent? Who do you think probably would end up in a school like that? I wonder, because it's like quite swanky. I think, I think a Lindsay Lohan could have gone there. Sure, Lindsay Lohan. In her day.

I'm thinking of Clint Eastwood's son. He seems like he could get up to some trouble. Yeah, now that he's. How old is Clint Eastwood's son. He seems like he could get up to some trouble. Yeah, now that he's... How old is Clint Eastwood's son? Like 45? He must be 70. He must be 75 years old. I have such a beef with Clint Eastwood.

Oh, here it comes. Mace and I, when we were living in Halifax, we used to go to a lot of movies because we were right next to a movie theater. And there was one night that it must have been like a Wednesday or Thursday night and nothing was going on. It's pretty late. It might have been 930, 10. And I was like, let's go to a movie.

You saw the mule. Oh, do you know about the mule already? No. Oh, I've seen the mule. You've seen the mule? You've seen the mule? Have you not seen the mule, Graham? I'm the only one here who hasn't seen the mule.

So were you about to say you saw the mule? Yeah. Well, some of the mule have you not seen the mule graham i'm the only one here who hasn't seen the mule so are you were you about to say you saw the mule yeah well some of the mule here's what happened so i wanted to go to this movie and mace there was like nothing playing the only thing really playing that late was the mule and so i was like let's go to the mule and for everybody's reference the mace that sophie keeps talking about is the rapper from the 90s yeah yeah yes we have a lot in common and um and yeah so may says to me if you can sit through the trailer of the mule we can go watch the mule because he knows i'm gonna be bored and i'm like great pull it up you know challenge accepted and so i sit through the whole trailer i'm like get your shoes on let's go to the mule so we go and he's like the whole time he's like i can't believe we're going to this you don't

want to see this i don't want to see this i'm like we're going to the mule relax and so we sit down there's one other group in the theater we start watching watching The Mule, and it is slow-paced. It is slow-paced. Disagree. It is like Clint Eastwood just really just jerking himself off, being like, I'm old, and I say slightly racist things, but everyone thinks it's awesome. Yeah, that's true.

He does think it's awesome. Does he have multiple threesomes in it he well i don't know we didn't get to that because the whole time we're watching it mace is whispering to me please can we get out of here i'll give you 20 and i'm like no i want to watch the mule and he's like you don't like the mule and so we watch a little bit more every time clint eastwood does something painfully boring or cringe, Mace ups the amount of money. He's like, $50, $50, and we leave right now. And I'm like, no, I don't need, keep your money, let's watch this film.

And then finally, at a point, I think perhaps at the first threesome, Mace is like, I will give you all of the money in my wallet if we can leave right now. And I'm not dumb. I'm not going to lose that kind of amount. Because we also were getting per diem at that time, which is just wads of cash for the week and i had a feeling he had quite a bit on him so we left and i think i cleared about 250 dollars

who's the mule now um is it for real that he has threesomes in this movie yeah definitely has at least one wow uh I think there's multiple though. He's mewling. He's the best mule there is. No one expects, no one suspects he's the mule. That's right.

It's just such a dad fantasy movie. Like, he's like, he's like, I got street smarts, ladies love me, I'm 500 years old, I'm slow.

I have a truck. I'm slow. I have an old truck and then I get a new truck He uses like all the mule money To like build a new church In his hometown so people can have More dances

Oh yeah guy My favorite Later day latter day Clint Eastwood movie is The whatever something to Paris Oh right The train The guys who stopped the shooting an Eastwood movie is the whatever something to Paris. Oh, right. The train.

The guys who stopped the shooting aboard the train in Paris or headed for Paris, and he cast the real people. Yeah. And they're not actors, and they never will be. Do you know where that worked quite well was in Nomadland. A lot of the people basically except Francis McDormand and the other famous guy in the movie. Everybody was real. That was real convoy folks. Not convoy.

That's the one that went to Ottawa. But was that a true story? Nope. Okay. Because the Clint Eastwood one. That's right. It was a true story. These people the the clint eastwood one oh that's right it was a true these people's true story i didn't see nomadland wasn't that the one that got in trouble for like glorifying um factory like amazon slave labor or something like didn't glorify it but it you know it kind of you could see over some of the bad parts of it yeah i mean it's like you know if

she'd gone to like an orchard and picked fruit, like, it was just something that she needed some money from, which I assume you can do with Amazon, but... I love Frances McDormand, though. The Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri might be my favorite movie. So, yeah, if you like that, then you'll probably like The Mule.

If you haven't seen The Mule. If you haven't seen the second half of The Mule. Yeah, isn't there a weird blowjob in that? There's a lot of weird stuff. Probably like the mule. If you haven't seen the second half of the mule. Isn't there a weird blowjob in that? There's a lot of weird stuff. In the mule? No, in the three billboards. I don't remember.

I feel like it's in a barn. I don't think that's what happened in the barn. No spoilers. Check it out. Yeah, three barn boards. Look forward to the barn scene. When when you see a barn get horny yeah discover it for yourself i don't really remember and when you're horny for it say dave shimpka sent me out loud to yourself say it don't say it to yourself say it to your boner. Say it, don't spray it. So, like, he, Clint Eastwood, directed a good one about the Atlanta Olympics bombings. That was really good. Because he's not in it.

That's the key. If he's not in it. He's not in the 1310 to Paris either, and that's the worst. He didn't even make himself the conductor or anything like that. Special appearance by. he changed the story so actually instead of you stopping the shooting an old man's gonna stop it and then he has a threesome on the train that scene got cut but he kept it for his personal vault you can if you get the dvd director's cut you can see it he has a threesome with two trains you'd say that he runs a train yeah you could say that i guess yeah i don't know that i mean um you don't know that you don't know that you don't do acid

um is that another does that happen in a barn uh graham go ahead doesn't he he has a new movie out with him in it called like cry cry macho or macho macho yeah macho and he's in it at 91 he's gonna be one of the oldest people on film right he's gotta be one of the oldest people alive like when i saw him years ago i was like how is this guy still making moves he's not only yeah he's like keeping real money moves yeah he does make money moves um that's a good that's good thanks does he he doesn't he own like did he direct cry macho because he he seems to direct everything and put the put himself in it yeah he i think he directed it and he is the star of it and

you know he's running out of possible things that he can be i mean it never he could be in a coma in one movie that'd be that would be kind of age-appropriate yeah his best role yet imagine though clint eastwood electrifies as man in coma cry silent um crying mucho Dave are you looking up cry macho yeah yeah it came out last year what's it about an old cowboy nice just looking

at the picture the story of being lost dot dot dot and found at the grocery store this better be this better not be over two hours I have noticed that like At the grocery store. This better not be over two hours. I have noticed that like my boyfriend, I think boyfriend movies,

like when it's the man's time to pick the movie, it's always over two hours. That's my finding. I think when they make movies, they are all over two hours now. Yeah. No, I pick a 90-minute rom-com. Yeah, horror movies usually stick to the hour and a half game,

which I'm thankful for. Yeah, two hours, man. What the hell? Stories haven't gotten better for being longer or anything. It's like... God, I'm just looking at this list of his most recent movies. I love them all. Like, God, I'm just looking at this list of his most recent movies. I love them all.

And when you watch it, do you feel like, like, that's me? Yeah, that's me. I'm Sully. I'm American Sniper. I'm Jersey Boys. He directed Jersey Boys? I'm telling you, this guy cannot be stopped. He is, he's 91. He'll be, he will die on set uh at 103 he'll die on set and then

they'll have to finish it like they did the crow where they have to use stand-ins and that's special in this movie he dies in yeah he's gonna die part way is he gonna die okay yeah well that's great i'm he's gonna fall off the horse prop him up. They'll prop him up. Yeah. They'll have a series of strings that'll move all of his body parts. Well, Clint, we wish you the best. Hey, Sophie. Yeah. You haven't been on the show in a couple of years.

How is your pandemic treating you? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it was okay. I was pretty depressed for almost all of it. But that makes time fly. I don't really remember the pandemic because i didn't know it was that over i mean i'm in america like here it's like i've heard so many like the word plandemic gets tossed around a lot here and it's like so interesting because in canada we had a

we had a real virus that was pretty scary but not here oh wow it was just the government that set it up oh cool yeah and people dropping dead of nothing yeah randomly i mean americans they don't have health care so they don't i don't think they're they learn about um sicknesses sure but yeah I tried to like because I had so much not so much but I had at times creative energy when when stand-up wasn't happening so I tried to write I tried to just channel that into writing and so I wrote like a bunch of first drafts of pilots and show shows and stuff but i just can't bring myself to do uh second drafts of any of them so i just have a pile of useless first drafts when i should really be finishing one of them so that i can have a writing sample and try to get a job yeah

but the software is called first draft so you have to get a whole new software yeah they don't make final draft they only make first well yeah and i i was sort of like i was assigned a literary agent because i have i'm with an agent here in la and but i was you know i got he's he's my stand-up booking agent and that's how i joined this agency and then you're like given an acting agent and a literary agent and my poor literary agent has just been begging me for a writing sample for years and she's like not even sure if i'm literate at this point because she's like yeah like i get these emails that are like sophie we really just need any writing sample yeah also a reading sample i really just want to know you can read any proof of education would be great. And I'm like, sorry. I don't even have a driver's license.

Yeah. If you were going to write something other than maybe a television show or a movie, what would you write? What type of genre would you write in? For not TV or movies? Yeah, if you were writing a book, you got this literary agent. Oh, I mean, I guess a children's book seems within my range of capabilities. And what goes on in this children's book? I'm very curious to know.

Probably a lot of swearing. That's where the literary agent comes in, edits. Let's smooth some things over. Yeah. I don't think you know what people do. I don't think that's the agent's job. I'm new. I'm new to the, I'm an immigrant, Dave i it does sound what the way you were describing it it sounds like it's something you

are assigned when you get off the plane so well i uh you know i had to move to hollywood and then of course you're they give you a literary agent and an acting agent yes um have you uh is it fun? Are you having fun down there? Are you going to all sorts of new shows and clubs and meeting new people and all that kind of stuff? Yeah, I've been, I've been, I've been touring a lot and I haven't really seen anything in America. Like I had visited New York and LA before. Boring.

Where else are you going? St. Louis? Well, St. Louis, I to kansas city to open for matt bronger and that's where i got some hard plandemics tossed at me i got in a car i got an uber to the club and said something so casual so so small talk you know how was your pandemic something like that and the guy was like do you mean plandemic and i was like let's just roll the windows down because this is not a great small car to be in. And I just like,

I don't really know anything about America. So, you know, I have, I'm a Bernie bro and my comedy reflects my politics. And some places in America

are, they're not, you really feel them pull back when it becomes clear what your political stances are. Whereas in Canada, I feel like you can kind of be pretty open about how you feel anywhere you go, even in more rural. Yeah, we had a freaking convoy. You can say all of the things you want.

The convoy, I will say the convoy has really made a splash in the American comedy scene. I've heard a ton of American comics making jokes about the canadian convoy we did it we finally cracked it i feel like canadian stories don't make it don't stick here that long usually but this one is really people ask me about it just hey are you know about the canadian convoy and i'm like yeah do you do you listen to your truckers for politics down here? Sorry, I should have asked. Are you guys pro-convoy? Yes, we're both in the convoy.

Well, we know. What about right now in Europe? Do you guys team Russia or team Ukraine? I've always been team Russia as a Ukrainian-Canadian. I'm always very... I know, literally a Shemka dancer. Truly, couldn't get more shimka than me yeah

it's so silly because I'm so my whole life I've been so anti-war and then as soon as the Ukrainians started fighting back I was like I became bloodthirsty I was like I kill every Russian child like Borat I hope you drink their blood

you know I'm not on either side I'm firmly on team China always have been Graham just wants there to be a good war looking for one great war I hope the best country wins Clint Eastwood is going to make this movie and he's going to be Zelensky

in it that does rule he's got a bunch of clips on the back of his neck and stuff to like stretch his face back just fully duct taped behind him um but uh war what is it good for absolutely absolutely nothing say it again it is kind of i do think that it's a bit interesting like as canadians i think we we kind of understand i know you don't want it to uh veer away from this but i i think i love it let's go in but when when when trump was in charge of america i think it was almost a

similar situation like as canadians living right next to it because ukraine and russia they're they're not as connected as as canada in the united states but i think that if trump was in a putin type position like if he had if if say the insurrection had worked and he was in power for another nine years or something he also would start thinking about moves about his own um legacy right like i think that that would turn into his next thing and i think reclaiming canada would be something that his brain could go to potentially i don't think that's that big of a stretch i welcome our new american overlords i think yeah i'm glad they're reclaiming us i didn't know they claimed us in the first place, but I'm glad they're getting a second swing at it. I'm not a history guy, but, you know,

I'm sure they had their fingers at us for a while. Oh, yeah, I've had a few fingers at me. Who among us hasn't? There's a rule that actually exists on the books that if Canada wants to join America, they have to say yes. So that's like a gentleman's agreement we've had with America.

Really? Yeah. How do we know if we want to? How do we know if we want to? Yeah. Like, how would Canada decide that we do want to? They just want the Arizona, you know what I mean? Hot states.

I know, but like, but if, so if Canada wants to join America, America has to say yes. How do we officially say we want to? You just yell it over the border. If everybody yells it, it would become one. You send it in a valentine.

So you open it up and it's Teddy Ruxpin. Will you be my country? Yeah. Yes or yes. You can't say no. Yeah, you have to join. One thing that's a little bit funny about ukraine is that louis ck is there um doing shows did you know about this no yeah he was canceled them though right didn't he no he is canceled but the shows are happening but he had he had two shows

and he sent out an email that the shows were not canceled. And I, it's fair to assume that they ended up being canceled. But it's like, have not the Ukrainians been through enough?

That they also. Yes. But Mace, Mace was doing an impression of like what Louis would say on the show. And it's like a pretty fun bit to do. Put him on.

Go get him. He was saying that Louis, he was saying that Louis would be on the show. And it's like a pretty fun bit to do. Like, he was saying that Louis, he was saying that Louis would be like, guys, just like be Russian. Who cares? Doesn't that sound like what he would do? Um,

yeah, I mean, you know, I, I cancel all my bookings in Ukraine too. I was going to be, I was going to do the embassy and their uh and the consulate the consulate and then they have a yuck yucks there so i'm gonna do a weekend at the yuck yucks oh who books that because i'm trying to uh yeah vladimir you wouldn't know him anyways

vladimir breslin i remember when i went to we were doing a show in Edmonton and I checked in, I checked into the hotel and the guy, the clerk behind the counter had like an Eastern European accent. And he was like, uh, oh, welcome to Edmonton's a very, uh, Ukrainian city. And, and there there's the Shumka dancers are from there. They pronounce it Shumka. I don't. But he was like, oh, your name's Shumka. Welcome to Edmonton. You know we have these famous dancers here.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, I've heard. And then I've never seen them. And the guy in line next to me at the hotel was like, oh, I have Ukrainian heritage, too. You've got to go see the Shumka dancers. And I was like, well, I probably Ukrainian heritage, too. You got to go see the Shumka dancers. And I was like, well, I probably won't. But yeah, that sounds good. And then the guy behind the clerk was like, well, I'm I'm from Ukraine. Have you ever been to Ukraine?

And I said, no. And he said, yeah, we I think people dance more in Canada. We have other things that we have other things to think about. Which I assume meant Russia. Or Louis C.K. Well, all of the interviews with Ukrainian people have been so Eastern European

because they're like, you know, the country's being bombed. What are you going to do? And they're like sometimes you get bombed so you can't dwell on it. They've been so mild about it. But thought this dave shimko story i thought this was definitely going like yeah i haven't seen them and then you're trying to pull down your shirt because you have the frilly color outfit under like you're a secret dancer but my my aunt a lot of the bottles live in edmonton and my aunt is one of the shimko dancers because we're polish and

ukrainian as well. Really? Yes. That's funny. Is that how you got into show business? You had an aunt? She kept twirling me when I was little until it shook my brains up enough that I couldn't even get a driver's license so I had to go into show business. So now I eat drug

paper. It's just paper. There's no drugs in it.id there's maybe a little bit of drug rub rub off yeah a little bit of drug rub off uh drug rub jug rub off he was my instructor of the uh good answers oh yeah sure sounds like a gymnastics coach Dave, what's going on with you? Good man. Well, we talked earlier. I guess this was before the show started.

That I don't follow Sophie on Instagram. Well, I was talking about it. You were laughing and playing with your calendar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I have been following a an account i love quite a bit uh so this is uh do you guys know when you go to a like an independent coffee shop when they have that like piece of yellow paper that's the coffee news oh yes yeah and it's just like one piece of paper with like some trivia questions on it and like fun

facts about uh i don't even know like they'll put out one a month and it'll be like february here's some fun facts about february valentine's day's in it that is a fun fact and it's got like you know there's something to talk you know just tell you tell your kids about. Do you hear about this fucking Valentine's Day thing? That's just the mainstream media, though. You gotta get your news other places, Dave. I've been following the coffee news on Instagram. Because that's better content than me, for sure. That makes sense. Understandable.

They have 88 followers. Coffee News is a two-sided, easy-to-read weekly newspaper. Weekly? Featuring fun, unusual news stories, jokes, trivia, amazing facts, and more. But their Instagram is great because it... Here's one of the posts I really liked. And it said... It's just a picture of people singing happy birthday. And it says, those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

Nice. Nice. Good gag. That's some good dad Clint Eastwood humor. Yeah. On anti-bullying day, they said, stop bullying now. That's good. We have such different following experiences.

Like my fun Instagram account that I follow is this couple's sex doll that they made. Like, you know how people will make an Instagram account like for their dog? Like I follow this couple made an account for their sex doll. I don't know this couple. I don't know the sex sex doll personally i just follow it because they really they take her all over she goes to the grocery store in a wheelchair they take her okay and you know sometimes she's just dressed up and they're like you know sunday fun day um we're going to church yeah and i was following it for for a while and the captions were always really weird and then i finally shared it to my instagram because i thought other people would also enjoy it and

then they deleted it oh too bad i know i was really bummed out about that probably one of their family members saw it and they were like oh shit or maybe the sex dolls parents didn't know that she was that's true but i think on social media they'd prefer i think with the uh you know with the family seeing their account that they'd be like huh they said they weren't around saturday night to come over but uh clearly they took their sex doll to looks like they were having a party at home i was like i was just thinking about sex doll stuff because people people think that it's so weird and gross to have one but I would propose

that maybe it's the less creepy option to just straight up masturbation because then it implies that you want companionship of some kind whereas masturbation it's like what you just want a feeling that's creepy no I do the like half down the middle where it's half a half a man

half a woman like well what like that art yeah what is the like isn't the like you do these edibles is that just a feeling you could easily get that feeling from you know the companion obsessed with masturbation won't listen to reason that That's the headline. In the coffee news. I hope your coffee news media outlet picks up this story. Okay. Here's the. And exposes you. I just have a couple more coffee news posts I want to share with you.

The coffee news humor post of the week. Yeah. Yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there? Who's there? Atlas. Atlas who?

Atlas, you your home. I think it's supposed to be at last. Yeah. But no one says it. I like that. No one pronounces it that way. I picture the coffee news as being some puns at the top, your horoscope, and then an in-depth investigation about a Miami drug ring. Your horoscope.

And then an in-depth investigation about a Miami drug ring. And finally, here's some Tuesday trivia from the Coffee News. What type of sporting equipment would Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn use? I don't know. I don't know either. But it says the answer can be found in the February 28th edition of the Coffee News. Oh, it's a teaser. They always leave us wanting more.

It's true. I wonder if who's writing this tells their parents that they're a journalist. I'm guessing the answer is skis. Oh, yeah. But what do you get as a reward for knowing that? Oh, just the, you know, well, what what do you need the feeling of a job well done yeah the thrill of the chase you just like need a feeling graham's obsessed with masturbating that's not wrong i'm ready to own up to that finally i'm willing to go on the stand uh the other thing that's going on with me is this is another piece of very good content uh i so the house there's building a house next to next door here and they're uh they

started building the garage and they like framed out the outside but the inside is just like a pit full of dirt nice uh and i'm i i was, what, how do they turn that into like a smooth garage floor? And I was like, is it just, they just pour cement on top of dirt. That's it. I do it. I,

I, I think they stick the metal, the metal. Rebar. And then they do cement. Um, well, I was like,

I, uh, so it crossed my mind like oh you know what i'll watch a video of pouring a garage floor pouring a concrete garage floor put down the coffee news i'm logging into the computer it's just such dad behavior it's just such dad content like but like i mean i this is how i know my boyfriend's ready to be a father is I looked over at his phone once and he looked really focused on it. And it was just a picture of a map of Canada that he was just looking at. It's just this. Just memorizing stuff. Yeah.

So I, but I didn't have time to watch a video right away. So I was like, bookmark. Save to watch later. Yeah. So I went. So at night i i uh my night routine is i uh lie on my left side i put a wireless ear bud in my right ear uh-huh and i look at my phone and I was like, okay, I'm going to 11 o'clock. I'm going to watch this. So wholesome.

Yeah. Video of them pouring concrete out like a light. I couldn't, I couldn't make it one minute into this video. So for like four nights in a row, I tried to get through this video and I could not, but I recommend if you cannot sleep. and I could not but I recommend if you cannot sleep go to YouTube and just search for

pouring a concrete garage floor. Would you say more or less entertaining than watching paint dry because it feels like the same family? No, this would be more like yeah, watching someone

teach you how to paint. Right. I only am used to the like extreme renovations kind of where they show everything in fast motion oh just cut from the thing to the thing that they made well that's because you're from the vine generation that's true yeah i grew up on vines i was a vine star and then vine stopped and now i'm a bum and uh sometime in the course of my night or in the morning it's uh there's a mad search for where that earbud went yeah of course and then it always always turns out that you swallowed it

people swallow about 30 earbuds they think it's spiders but it's actually earbuds yeah i wish it were paper though the weirdest place i found one was not in my pajamas, not in the pocket of my pajamas, but just in the waistband. Like it was trying to get in there. Just holstered. Yeah.

Dads love a holster, too. Okay, okay. Don't paint us all with one brush. You are all the same, though. My dad also, tell me if you've ever done this. One time my dad was coming over to my house. No, I've never come over to your house. There you go.

That's true. But he had printed out a bunch of memes off of his computer and he had them in an envelope and they were black and white because his printer was black and white. And I had to look at each one and be like, and then just turn it over. You're asking me if i've ever done that yeah no give it a try okay i didn't try it oh you should print out a bunch and send them to your parents for uh their birthday oh sure oh that'd be fun here's here's what memes yeah this is a meme about you hear from you um so graham that was uh and sophie i guess uh that was how

i've been doing good um how about you i am doing just fine and uh things are really my ships come in things are going real oh really what ship is that uh the ss avril lavigne here's the here's the scoop here's the skinny oh she does look like she's like a bottle of champagne smashed across her face she she she's put out a new album avril lavigne uh-huh and what's it called again love sucks love sucks with an x? S-U-X, yeah. And here's the thing. Some artists mature over time. They change their sound gradually to reflect them growing as a person, growing as an artist. But sometimes you don't want that. Like, I don't want to hear the Ramones sing a ballad.

I want the Ramones steady every album. Same thing happened to Lorde when Lorde put out her happy song. And what? Did everybody go, no thanks? Solar power. Yeah, Lorde is known for being moody. And then finally she re-emerges with solar power. And it's all about how she loves the beach. And we're like,

glad that your mental health is doing better when the song blows. I don't mind it. I don't mind it either, it's it was the consensus was that it was bad but i also feel like it's not like it's not cheery it sounds still sounds like lord i don't know any of lord i know uh i know the whatever throw my hands in the air no thanks I think is the lyric put your hands in the air nah yeah but now she's like throw your hands in the air

because I love that yeah yeah yeah I feel like my hands in the air like the feeling of air on my hands anyways Avril Lavigne new album I listened to it top to tail and it's great it's great it's exactly what you want out of Avril Lavigne.

It's old Avril Lavigne with the necktie and the, you know, the undershirt skateboarding. Right. Yeah. Was she ever not that? I think she did a more kind of moody, slower album.

Maybe before this moody in the not bummer summer. That was in her Lyme disease era though. All Canadian celebrities get Lyme disease and they do this moody in the not bummer summer that was in her lime disease era though all canadian celebrities get lime disease and they do a moody song and then when the flare up goes down i'm not sure how lime disease works they go back to their regular justin bieber had lime disease too or has that's right do you lose can you lose lime disease let's say yes okay and so are those the only two you can think of are there more i think there was a third one too because i remember feeling embarrassed for us as a country that all of our big celebrities was sleeping out in the woods stupid john mendez was in the tall grass

martin short was uh rolling around on the ground yeah he was in the movie pure luck he was in the movie Pure Luck. He was in the jungle. I know the Shumkas don't camp, but that's a hard and fast rule here on the podcast. Sophie, have you ever been camping? Do you like camping? Is this a thing in your life? No, I like a city walk through a city. And that's, you know, I like the hike near my house to look over the city right but i'm i'm not a an outdoorsy girl at all yeah i have a bidet you can't really you can't really bring a bidet with you you have a bidet yeah mace just installed it way to bury

the lead this is the story of the year so you guys guys have a bidet too? No, but I just, I'm, you can have both. Like, you can't be, I can't be outdoorsy. I have a bidet. I'm a bidet girl. Bidet girls don't go camping. Unless you do M. Beth Schoenfeld's joke and do the poor man's bidet, which is a water gun. bidet which is a water gun um the uh so you've have you ever been camping or you just you know it's not for no no never my family my family didn't really camp like we have like a cottage

type thing but i've never slept without plumbing were you doing a lot of urination and such in your sleep? You would need plumbing. I mean, sometimes. Who's never wet the bed? I'm not putting my hand up. Yeah, nobody. We all do it. Normalize it. Sometimes I save it up just for a bit.

I drink a lot of soda and then go to sleep watching a concrete pouring video and pass out put my hand in warm water um when you were a kid sophie did you go were you a sleepover kid you like going for a sleepover big sleepover kid i don't actually i wasn't really a bed wetter i don't remember i'm like i'm sure i did as a kid but that was i don't really remember ever wetting the bed. Right. Well, it's quite a feeling. I mean, I remember sleeping on a waterbed and being like, this is not bad.

Yeah. When? Sounds similar. Regularly? Regularly. So my friend, Maya Capogreco, in elementary school, her parents had a waterbed. And sometimes, maybe if one of the parents were gone or something they let us sleep in the water bed and it was awesome like even as a kid i was

like this kind of hurts my neck but i it was pretty sick it was like novelty what was your friend's name maya capogreco and she actually was i love i love elementary school friend names yes i love full full names of elementary school friends, too. It's always funny. And her and I used to, like, we were so young that it wasn't. She had this tiny little TV. She had, like, a loft bed in her room that we would both sleep in sometimes. She had this tiny little TV that got, like, two or three cable channels.

And one of them was, was like soft core porn. Nice. And we used to watch these like, you couldn't really see anything, but it was definitely like for that. And we'd watch it and we'd just be like, I feel weird. Can I rub myself against your bed?

Yeah, sure. I'll be here. Well, good. I don't want just a feeling. Sure. No. Yeah, yeah yeah of course make yourself at home

yeah yeah speaking of elementary school guess what happened at my kids school this week what scholastic book fair

oh what a blessing this is a big day in every kid's life do they do they still have the iconic Egypt book

the library's full of like old just the same read posters from your childhood a picture of a jiro yeah can you ask margo if they have an elf uh book where he's planning a birthday party oh is it is it as exciting as when we were kids um yeah yeah it's like the whole school shut down for the week like margo was saying that because monday was preview day all the kids got to go to the school and preview the books whoa and then tuesday through friday is uh by you you your parents give you cash but also, it was kind of confusing. They were like, you can also buy them online and we'll deliver

them to the classroom. Because also, how many kids are just going to drop their $5 bills on the ground? We lost it! I don't know. Kids love money. I feel like it's very precious for them because they're

unemployed. For the most part for sure and then uh margo said she had to wait in line to go buy the book like wait outside the library and like camp out overnight around the school yeah uh so but i i imagine everyone goes and has a look on Monday. Then Tuesday, everyone goes and buys their book. And then the rest of the week, I don't know who's going. It's quiet time. It's Wednesday as we're recording this, so I don't know. We'll hear back.

But Graham, I wanted to say something else about Avril Lavigne. Oh, yeah. But before I get to that, I want to hear some of the best first and last name kids from your schooling days. Yeah. Are we going to bleep these out or are we just going for it? Yes, let's. Let's all say our favorite one, but I will bleep them. Okay. I have one.

Sp*****. Sp***** is a good one. Sp***** and I were the two problematic blondes all through elementary middle and high school we went to school together nice um here's one from my uh school i had a brother named oh he's a good name is that true yeah the thing is he's a good name for like a like a pet rabbit yeah yeah people these have all been bleeped and people are losing their minds graham go ahead uh one of mine is uh that's it um anybody else got uh i got another

one nice what about oh boy you're killing me oh my god there's so many i think it's just Greek names are fun. Did you go to an all Greek school? Yes.

Opa. I mean, I didn't. It wasn't my when my sisters were in high school. There was a guy with the name. Perfect. Oh, I have. There's one girl that I grew up with. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Real pronunciation. That's true. oh i have there's one girl that i grew up with oh yeah real name yeah all right all right

real pronunciation that's true this is too much to include and too much to bleep it's so it's that one is so harsh that we didn't even know that word until like high school so she didn't even get bullied through elementary school yeah because it's such an advanced swear word what are the most advanced swear words as far as you're concerned and this i will not bleep i mean um crud yeah crud's bad yeah crud's filthy um i like instead of saying jesus christ when people say cheese and rice yeah i like that um the Well, that was great naming things. Also, Dave, have you ever slept on a water bed? No.

Have you? Yep. Same kind of deal as Sophie is if I went to a sleepover and the parents weren't using it, if they were out of the house, we could sleep in the water bed. Go wobble around. Yeah. And it's like you only sleep for about five minutes at a time before some wave wakes you up tsunami knocks you out of bed inevitably who else is on the bed turns over and then it's just like pushes you yeah it's the opposite of those mattress ads where someone's

jumping next to the wine glass we'll do the bowling ball test. Yeah. We broke another one. So yeah, Avril Lavigne's new album. The big song is called Bite Me. Bite Me. It's like it is. It's vintage. She just was like, let's go back to the thing that worked the best. And so it's great. And then so I was listening to that.

And then I was like, you know what I could go for? A little taste of some 41 and so yeah i listened to some of their latest but then i was like who are we kidding i want to listen to all killer no filler so i did yeah is are they are they still the four of them this is what i kind of fell down a bit of a rabbit hole is it's still the same lead singer derrick whibley and dave brown sound on guitar brown sound left and now he's back oh cone on uh bass i think cone is still there the drummer is different steve-o who looked a little bit like steve-o yeah he did that's right um anyways he has the same uh booking agent has me oh i just looked them up they now also have uh the guy from gob oh gob nice um yeah so uh brian gob sounds like a kid that would

be in somebody's class do i have to bleep that but uh so i was like oh my god these guys are i've rediscovered my pop punk roots and uh and they are dark but your pop punk tips are frosted yeah but then i looked up i was like i wonder if some 41 still touring around and they are, they have a big tour coming up, but it's only in America. And, but it's called blame Canada. So we don't even get a tour that's named after us up here for,

you should fly down here and stay with me to go watch the show. That's actually a pretty good idea. I think, yeah, I think they won't need me to take a test to get back into the country because they'll be like, but you did the right thing. This is the only way you could do this. Thank you for serving your country. Yeah, exactly.

This is an act of patriotism. My question is, Avril Lavigne's new album is called Love Sucks. Is that right? Is she still married to Chad Kroger? No, I think that dissolved. Is it a breakup album? No, it's kind of like it's kind of like post breakup you know like you have the breakup album of like an adele is like the the

melancholy album this is like there you go dave knows how to sing it yeah and then uh avril's like this is when you're on the rebound this is is where you're like, I'm tearing shit up. She lost the breakup weight. Exactly. Now you're feeling good. I've been trying so hard to lose breakup weight without going through a breakup. That's my goal. Because I feel like when you've just been broken up with or something, you have such a drive to maybe it's to feel good.

So you work out and you're not eating so much. But I'm just so in love that I'm fat now. Well, that was... You know what helped with that lyme disease well i'll have to go camping one tick will do yeah um i yeah i uh uh i'm trying to think now was elvis single when he died yeah was he with priscilla no they, they were done. So he never She left him to go to college. You know how it goes. Yeah, sure. High school sweethearts. Do you, um, Graham, did you ever dye

your hair? No, never have. Never have. Really? Dave, I know you, I've seen a picture of you. You've had some frosted hair. Did you go blonde? Well, I bleached and then they grew out tip wise i think that's awesome i think it looks cool when guys bleach their hair now or back then yeah i know it's back it's cool again it's cool again i don't know yeah all right well i guess i'll do it

even eminem doesn't have it if eminem's does he not no he's just got he's got his regular dark hair he's uh you know he's moved on but he's he's an old man now he's not as cool with the time no that's true yeah he's bald he has that horseshoe he wears a hat all the time oh he's hat fishing um but yeah so anyways some 41 on tour not coming to canada i'm broken up about it but maybe avril's coming on the the strength of this love sucks are you gonna go to any concert do you have any concert plans in the future no not i mean but you know maybe a six months to a year down the line then okay you know maybe uh i turned down hockey tickets this coming weekend because not because of COVID you just don't believe in hockey yeah I was like is Alvaro Levine going to be there no not

interested I don't believe in hockey well what do you guys think should we move on to some overheards I think that's a good plan hi I'm Jesse Thorne the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have a special announcement. I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother

and me. You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a fresh insult, a depraved jumble of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little actionable advice. But now, as they enter their twilight years, I'm as surprised as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good. Justin, Travis, and Griffin's witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy magazine. And they hardly ever say Bazinga anymore. So, after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows,

why not join the McElroy Brothers every week for My Brother, My Brother and Me? Maximum Fun is a network by and for cool, popular people. But did you know it also has an offering designed to appeal to nerds? A show for nerds? On Maximum Fun? The devil, you say? It's true. It's called The Greatest Generation. And they review episodes of a television program for nerds called Star Trek. They've reviewed TNG, DS9, and are now reviewing Voyager. Hey, Star Trek.

My daughter enjoys that program. Well, if she enjoys that, and she enjoys humor of the flatulent variety, might I recommend she subscribe to The Greatest Generation? Hey, are you calling my kid a nerd? Why, I ought to... Well, gotta go.

Become a friend of DeSoto by subscribing to The Greatest Generation on MaximumFun.org today! Overheard! Overheard's a segment where, you know what? If you're out there in the world, you just might hear a little bit of gold that you carry around with you. But don't keep it to yourself. Come to this podcast.

Share with us your Overheard. And to yourself come to this podcast share with us you're overheard and sophie we always like to start with the guest could you please yes so i have overseen from the very beginning of the pandemic i was going on a mental health walk down the seawall right next to my place in vancouver and it was at a time that everybody was had just sort of been locked up for a couple of weeks. And so you were seeing a lot of families going for family mental health walks together. And I saw this family walking down the seawall.

There's the parents and then maybe a teenager. And then there was like maybe a 10 year old boy who was so bored. He was looking up, but he was standing on a hoverboard. He was hovering with them, just couldn't even bring himself to walk. Just dead bored. Just the most bored kid in the world.

It was incredible. Oh, yeah. I love it. I love it. Can you come to the dinner table? You can have your iPhone. You can hover to the dinner table. Can you come for a walk? You can have your iPhone. You can hover to the dinner table. Can you come for a walk?

You can have your hoverboard. Can you come to church? Yeah, you can have your iBible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a Kindle. Yeah. Now, Sophie, do you want us to do overheards and come back to you, or do you want to share them all in a row?

Mine are not that good. I to share them all in a row? Mine are not that good. I'll do them all in a row. So my next one, and as I was just saying, I keep little notes. I'll put overheard in my notes app in case I get asked to do this show. And so I unfortunately did not write down the context for this one. But I still think it's funny. Big kids don't steal steal i don't know where i heard i don't remember if it was a kid or an adult kids but they do steal big kids don't steal

well yeah they do absolutely steal but big kids ever heard of charlie and the chocolate factory look kids you know what i think it was i i vaguely remember being in like a grocery store and i think it was a kid saying it to her mom like big kids don't steal like her mom probably was like were you stealing she was like big kids don't steal i can yeah big kids can do whatever they want yeah i'm i i i'm toilet trained i i'm kleptocracy trained kleptomania trained okay and then my last one is i overheard at the airport as I was coming back to LA on this most recent trip, I was like sitting at my gate

we were all getting ready to board and there was this really cool guy sitting just a couple seats down from me dressed cool, like Justin Bieber-y I guess. Sounds cool. And he was on the phone and he was laughing and he was like lettuce would fucking corrupt her.

She's always been just a pure steak gal. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Don't let her. I just don't know if they mean lettuce like weed or if lettuce is like a guy that she wants to date. Yeah. Let us in. We're cold outside that lettuce from the joke. Yeah. know if they mean lettuce like weed or if lettuce is like a guy that she wants to date yeah lettuce

in we're cold outside that lettuce from the joke yeah that makes more sense than atlas maybe it was atlas from the knock knock joke um uh dave have you ever heard the expression lettuce to mean uh like a hockey player's hair? Yeah. There's a guy. Yeah. They call it like if it's flowing kind of hockey hair. His flow, his lettuce. Oh, I've heard like helmet head.

Yeah, there's helmet head. I feel like lettuce is more complimentary, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's like. It implies a natural wave. Yeah. Yeah. And green, it's green.

There's this guy who every year i think it's like wisconsin he does like a countdown of the best hockey hair have you seen this uh i've seen certain go on there's he just every year he does like a countdown of the best hair in the junior hockey league yeah he's got a lot of lingo and i just picked up that lettuce was one of them oh sure yeah there's boy i remember seeing like a game like maybe a high school game just footage of just these high schoolers and they all like they did like a big professional style intro where the players all were introduced and they would come out and shake their off their logs i feel like it was yeah minnesota wisconsin somewhere around there it's like a hockey version of a slam dunk competition yeah it really is it really is dave do you have an overheard i would like more basketball players to have hockey hair

i think that would be fun that would be fun and i want more um hockey players to dunk that's true and i think that golf players should have like touchdown dances yes so true please yeah just spice it up a little um mine is uh my i haven't overseen uh it's not particularly good but it's a piece of graffiti that has overtaken my neighborhood and i the sometimes you in vancouver you'll see a just a not very good graffiti not a tag just a like a couple of words together there was a guy for years who was just writing john cusack all over the city yeah that's right i remember that and now and you and you obviously suspected that to be john cusack writing that or no joan cusack yeah we thought it might be joan oh classic joanie um and so i uh but all over my neighborhood someone has been spray painting the words

fat booty celine dion i like that. It's hard to picture because she's rail thin. She's rail thin, but I believe it's a Kanye West lyric. Oh, nice. Which makes it... I don't like it as much. I wish it was just like this Graffito's

creation. More creative. Yeah. If they had a scholastic day maybe maybe they would have turned out better it's hard to say what are the best what are the best elementary school days hot dog day so quickly sports day probably sports day sports day is good because you get a hot dog and a long john that's true and you get to go outside for the whole day the last day before christmas and or summer yeah come in and sign each other's whatever's um i don't know i think those are all the days book fair book book fair we had um we had goyo Goyo Day. What's that? Goyo. So I think, so Goyo was actually

all over Ontario. He's just a band named Goyo. And he would come in and play piano and sing songs and stuff for us. And I really thought

it was just like a weird guy that they had hired for our school. And I think I, I don't remember if I had a stand-up thing about him or if I brought him up

on another podcast, but I got a bunch of people saying that they had Goyo Day too. Holy shit. And he was the super super tall like maybe like i was a kid but i think he was nine feet tall and really skinny and he had really really pale but had really really long dark black hair that he always wore in a tight braid wait is this slender man is this gonna end up that this is slender man oh it was it was Slenderman. Is it the Babadook? It's the Babadook, isn't it?

Yeah. Is this the Momo Challenge? Did Goyo tell you to slit your wrist? Yeah, but it was part of Goyo Day. It was fun. It was dangerous. So what, you would sing, like, silly songs or covers? Yeah, I would sing.

Yeah, and then he always, the thing is, I think he also came on Scholastic Day because he would always play us out. When we would all pick our books, he would play Teddy Bears on Parade or Teddy Bear Pickings or whatever. It's Balls on Parade by Razor. Razor to the Machine.

But Teddy Bears something. He would always play us out. They rally around the books with a pocket full of cash. Um, uh, assembly day, any assembly day is good too. Yeah.

Although, you know, sometimes like assembly days. It's great when it's like, just like a fun thing. Like this guy used to go to this school and he talks about whatever. It's less fun when it's like drugs yeah yeah yeah i like the the assembly days that are just apropos of nothing uh i remember once boy there was like a puppet show that came to my school nice and it was like

you know an hour long thing but at you know at one point there was a flash. It was like pyro. And it was just like gunpowder. Just like a flash of an explosion as part of the puppet show. And then afterwards, it was like they had a Q&A with the people making the puppet show. Every question was about that explosion. So how did you do that? You don't want to know about how we made the puppets or anything no all fire it's like the episode of the simpsons where flanders is doing the anti-smoking play and he falls asleep with the lit cigarette and he cuts us on fire

yeah iconic episode um i uh yeah i'm trying to think of the most uh impactful assembly but you're right they would just kind of come about you would you didn't know that tomorrow was assembly day we had one that was repeating and it was i remember it because we had it every year in elementary school it was little people would come and they were coming to talk about bullying and they always did this same um thing at the they would pick they would pick one of the kids and they would come and stand next to them and they would all be sort of the same height and then they would sit down and the little people would be much taller because and i don't remember what point they were trying to make with that but they did that every single year like i i don't

remember anything else from elementary school except for that experiment and they they were like see i know and we're all like cool like we okay see so yeah it really makes you think yeah all right everybody see you next year yeah like they did it so many times we were like what are we we don't have a bullying problem at our school like why well you will oh man yeah following this well that's because your school doesn't have chairs but when you guys get chairs just the idea of them saying see you next year we sure will be booked again do not forget us we will be back one thing I really

enjoyed in high school which was not necessarily like a day but it was something that kept happening which was during exams some of the kids would they kept pulling the fire alarm so we all would have to go outside and we'd tell each other

the answers to the exams and then file back in and they did that so many times when exam season that they shut off the like you weren't able to pull the fire alarm anymore in the school it would just like alert the office and the office would go to that area of the school but the kids not to be outdone by these rules started calling in bomb threats nice from the nearby elmvale phone things and then we all did so good that year like i remember that was by far the best marks and that's how i chose at our school we had a lot of race wars and that's how i chose which race i was aligned with was i know which boys were doing it and i was like i see you race Race wars? Wars between different races. That's what I assumed. But were you going to school in Oz?

Question. Basically, it's in Ottawa. That's pretty sketchy. Wow. You really grew up on the streets, I guess. I did. Yeah. You're a real dangerous mind, they would say um graham do you

have it overheard i do um uh but just talking about that guy that does all the commentary on the hair one of the guys has like super flowing hair and he said this guy can always eat at the salad bar which i thought was pretty good um but i think what i had was a misoverheard which was uh passing by some uh you know how there's like sometimes just like old guys sitting out in front of the coffee shop and they've just like bought one little thimble of coffee and they're just gonna stay there all day yes i love those guys it was those guys and i walked past them and i might i think i misheard it because what i heard him say was that uh he's doing a hitler but i think he was probably saying he's doing like hitler and uh you know who knows who that's about it could be anybody uh yeah it could

be could be putin could be a friend of his yeah yeah yeah exactly, exactly. Yeah, Putin, he's doing the Hitler. Do the Hitler. Now slide from side to side. That's a thing that goes around from school to school. Uh-huh. Square dance day. I remember

there was some band that played in our cafeteria in high school and we all thought it sucked. We all thought it sucked. Like, have you, Sophie, have you ever played a high school? Did you ever have to do a gig in a high school? No, my act doesn't really. The thing is, I think teens would dig my act,

but I don't think whoever books high school shows is looking for me it's not the same guy who books opening for stuber oh I forgot about that too um yeah I can't think of stuber without thinking of you and I do think of stuber often of course daily he's always in my heart. Yeah. Now, in addition to these great overheards that we have, we also have some from you out there. And if you want to send one towards us, you can send it to spy at maximumfun.org.

This first one comes from Jeremiah in Minnesota. Now, this goes way, way back. This guy's got a nice head all at us. are you kidding me? this is going to see the movie Man of Steel it was just me and an elderly couple in the theater after the movie I heard the elderly man

elderly man slender man the elderly man asked his wife what she thought about the movie. She said it was okay, but it had too much flying around and special effects. He said it's a movie

about a superhero from outer space. What did you expect? And as he's helping his wife put on her jacket, she said, I knew we should have gone to the Minions movie. That's a really good one. And that's full of zero special effects that's just natural shot natural light just minions doing minion shit yeah we love to see i knew you weren't gonna like this superhero movie please let me give you i'll give you 50 dollars if we

can leave this superhero movie no no forget it. Not worth it. I like it. This next one comes from Sasha. Was on the phone with my mom when suddenly I heard my irate dad in the background complaining to her about technology. Dad, I don't know how to get it off my iPhone. Mom, just search to how to do it on Google. Dad screaming, where on google i've got google open you show me where on google i'm supposed to go just dad screaming is so funny yeah um well i mean they're all you, Google's got everything. Yeah, absolutely. Sure, you can search maps, weather.

Let's see. There's plenty of areas. Stock quotes. Absolutely, stock quotes. Can I get a quote on this stock? You know what? I'll consider that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That sounds like a good stock. It's pretty good. Pretty good all in all. Yeah, Google? Google? Yeah, I love it. I do. I love. it's pretty good pretty good all in all yeah google google yeah i love it i do i love i mostly i love it because the vince vaughn owen wilson movie that took place there that's how i got

into google that's the intern yeah yeah interns yes thank you i opened for that too early in my career oh sure you gotta work your way up yeah that's the thing pay your dues if you don't love me at my intern you don't deserve me at my struper what is it again struper strudel oh it's you got it right it's struper uh if you don't know what we're talking about, one of the previous episodes, go back and listen. She tells a story about opening for the premiere of Stuber, the Kumail Nanjiani David Bautista movie. Yes. Yep. That's exactly correct.

And they've made several movies together since they were such a good team. One other movie story that just happened was Mace and I went to go see the new Poirot movie. Because my grandpa and I used to always see the new poro movie because i always my grandpa and i used to always watch the poro show growing up so i've been so excited that they've been making these agatha christie poro movies this is death on the nile or something yes death on the nile and like they're pretty cheesy they're pretty camp but i i've always really liked poro and the guy that plays poro i don't know his name. Do you guys know that actor? Kenneth Branagh. Kenneth Branagh. So Mace turns to me.

Mace has never seen a movie in his life. He knows no actress names. He turns over to me and whispers sincerely, is that Ewan McGregor? About the guy playing Poirot. I'm like, no, of course not. But the fun part about this movie is that Armie Hammer is in it. Nice. And Armie Hammer is that guy that got in trouble for telling his girlfriend he wanted to eat her.

Yes. Yeah, that's true. And it turns out they had filmed this movie and everything before that scandal came out. So they just kind of pulled Armie Hammer from all of the billboards and trailers and stuff. But he's like a main character. And the whole time I'm watching, I'm like army hammer this movie and he's just constantly licking his lips and finishing off a bit of meat and just going like lady fingers oh boy yeah uh this last one comes from rose I was driving down the Blue Ridge Parkway in rural North Carolina and passed a small restaurant on the side of the road.

The sign out front simply said, Todd's back. Oh, wow. Pull over. Do you think he's there right now? He goes around and does appearances at schools. Yeah. Guess who's back um i don't know i don't know if this would count as an overheard but i have something that

my neighbor recently said to me that made me uncomfortable okay yeah so i have new american neighbors now and as we all know americans are very blunt and emily whatever not like us no flight yeah don't tell anybody killed themselves on any kind of podcast yeah that's true no matter what podcast we do no not no no podcast of any level um but my my neighbors are there's this nice nice gay couple and they're white it's relevant and that's like a race war is coming well they were telling me uh that i shouldn't be on the street on my phone at night because a lot of people are getting mugged at gunpoint for their phones and it happened to them about a year ago and they just heard that it was happening again and i was like okay thank you for warning me and then they were like okay so it's three black guys and i was like uh like i don't want to like i would rather

you not tell me and i get right iphone 6 like it's not gonna be a big deal if i lose it like i don't want to be out there i don't want to be a white woman counting black men right in the street excuse excuse me are you guys together i'm not sure if i should be scared or not like i don't want this information i'm with him but i don't know him yeah yeah and we're kind of work friends so we don't really know him either i'm like okay that's fine like i just i i just didn't uh i remember the first like year that the iphone was out it was like everyone was saying don't use it in public right really yeah it was like it was the before every single person in the world had a smartphone it was like it looked like you know this is a two million dollar invention you're holding yeah this is like money uh that you're carrying in your sweaty little hands on book fair day

someone's gonna take it yeah it was the same didn't the like the thing in the early 90s that people were getting constantly robbed for air jordans yeah you wore air jordans anywhere somebody would you just saw a lot of kids walking home in socks i had uh i had my phone stolen once at a soccer tournament but it was a sony ericson flip phone shit like what what are you gonna get for that you know you could use it as a burner you know make some illegal phone calls and then throw it in a river yeah that's true yeah do you know anyone who ever uh used to like take their face plate off their car stereo oh yeah yeah and like put it on a case and take it with them your blow what yeah this was like before like because car alarms are everywhere now but they weren't quite as prevalent and it was before it was in a time when

you would get a like a if you didn't like the stereo that came with your car you would get a, like a, if you didn't like the stereo that came with your car, you would just get a, like a cooler stereo that had a, you could take the front off of it. And that would dissuade. I don't know. But now like, it was also before the time when like, when cars have screens on them.

Yeah. And it's like, I don't know what the resale value was of one of these stolen, uh, sound, sound systems, but I don't know. I'male value was of one of these stolen uh sound sound systems but i don't know i'm not tuned into that but people used to take out the entire stereo from a car they would break into a car and pull out the whole thing oh all the speakers and everything but how would it work without the faceplate well they would but that's why you would take the faceplate so they couldn't take the whole thing oh i see i gotcha i gotcha. I gotcha. I don't know. Sorry I took us down this trail,

in addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hello, Dave and Graham and guests. This is Mike calling from Sydney, Nova Scotia, home of the world's largest fiddle. Just listening to the episodes, Ryan Beal, when you mentioned the reboot of Fresh Prince, which I've not watched.

But it reminded me of something a student, I'm a high school teacher, something a student said to me today. He was just talking about the new Fresh Prince and how great it was. And I kind of, you know, listened into the conversation and asked, oh, it's actually really good. He said, I haven't seen it. And he said, yeah, sir, it's so good. They really updated it for kids, like for kids like from today. Oh, they do so many drugs. Anyway,

thanks guys. Love the show. Now, did that guy at the beginning, did he say he was in Nova Scotia and that that was home to the world's largest fiddle? Sydney, Nova Scotia. It's not though.

The world's largest fiddle is in St. John, New Brunswick. Cause I've been to it. And, uh, this guy's got it all turned around. Maybe it goes on tour.

Maybe it tours the Maritime. Shit. Like, that's their Sum 41. Yeah. Cool. According to, when you Google world's largest fiddle, it says Sydney, Nova Scotia. Hmm. Interesting.

One person. Well, maybe I have that. One person that, I don't know if this rings any bells to you guys, but that was touring the Maritimes while I was there was Aaron Carter, current modern day Aaron Carter with face tattoos. Sure. Oh, shit. And he was playing a venue in Halifax that they also held a shitty open mic at

called the Toothy Moose. And I remember we saw that he was coming to town all the writers and we were like that's so funny the tickets were like five dollars we're like we'll definitely go to this and um i ended up not going because my mom had been in town that week drugging herself that was that same week but they all went and apparently he was just like playing his old songs himself on a laptop and sort of singing along to it and we they also didn't know if he was going to make it because the show got delayed because he got stopped at the border for some mysterious reason unusual and then that was like aaron carter became like this whole inside joke because of

his life etc and then a few weeks later, I wanted to have a little party at my apartment in town. And I saw that Aaron Carter is on cameo. So I sent a request for Aaron Carter to invite everybody to my place for a party. Cause I thought that would be funny. And he butchered it so badly. He kept saying that he's going to be there.

And I was was like you're ruining the joke i was so i wrote i request for him to do a new video and he wouldn't do it i ruined a really fun bit i thought but he brought the heat to the toothy mooth yeah a place will never be the same uh well i'm glad that the new uh fresh prince has drugs in it totally reflects children of today yeah finally yeah next one hello dave graham and guest this is a totally different graham in north carolina calling in with an overseen So I was walking around the warehouse where my job is at, and I saw this big yellow Penske moving truck. And on the side of the truck, they had printed their slogan,

Dedication at Every Turn. Well, some little ne'er-do-well had peeled off a few of the letters, and so now it just said dead cat at every turn. Nice. Oh boy. Well done. Good. That's good.

Yeah. If you can't print something take things away to me. Yeah. I'd say those ne'er-do-wells did well. Yeah. Yeah. They ruled.

They sometimes do well. Yeah. I mean, will they ever do well? Ne'er. Will they e'er do well? Will they ever do well? Yeah. Well,, will they ever do well? Nair. Will they ever do well? Will they ever do well? Yeah. Well,

that's great. That's great. We support that. Yeah, that slaps. Yeah. That slaps, yeah. Alright, here's your final overheard, guys. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Noah from Indiana. I'm calling in with an overheard.

I was playing Zoom trivia with my friends where it was like Jeopardy style. All the questions were in the form of an answer and the category was 70s hits. And the question was something like, this song, you know, years later, provided the soundtrack to a dancing CGI baby. And everyone I was with was convinced that it was Mr. Blue Sky because of the baby Groot-licking Guardians of the Galaxy 2. And I was trying to convince them that it was actually hooked on a feeling. And this guy in my group says to me straight he looked at me and he says no dude you're getting this confused with the first movie that song was

in the first movie trust me i'm a baby grudophile and uh yeah we we did not win that question thanks off i go yeah it was ali mcfeel yeah and it was the uka chaka was the big yeah yeah that's what i do like that the guy was like no it's the other movie there's only two movies guardians of the galaxy one and guardians of the galaxy two yeah wait for that third one to drop um are you guys gonna go see jurassic world 3 when it comes out yeah yeah okay just wondering just wondering i was just singing do you do you ever sing uh to your loved ones like you know the rhythm of song that we know and love but lyrics just about them oh yeah absolutely yeah i was just this week i only

remember it because if i sing one melody to mace he'll sing it for weeks and weeks and weeks so this has been going on he's never seen any movies he's never heard any songs well yeah he hasn't seen jurassic park but i was singing him a song to the jurassic park theme about him can i hear i know there's somebody on it's not very lyrical i just his name is mace i call him moo sometimes monsieur moo so he's going monsieur monsieur moo monsieur moo monsieur nice there's a guy on youtube that's a different part that was during the Raptors love scene.

Well, that there brings us to the end of this podcast. Sophie, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. And you tell the dates when you're going to be in St. Louis. Next weekend,

I believe is when this comes out but all of my tour dates are on my on my website on my instagram as well and i also wanted to plug um i just made a depop shop which is like etsy for selling um vintage clothes that i found and so if anybody's looking for some cute clothes i'm doing that now too cool how do we find that side hustle that's on my instagram too in my i have a link tree now because i'm a business woman and it's one of those well done and your instagram is s-o-p-h-b-u-d-s oh so you do know it dave so that's not the issue yeah no, it's my homepage. I just won't. I refuse to click follow back.

Yeah. And I also have a podcast called Obsessed with Sophie Buttle that Graham was a beautiful guest on. And I would love to have you back. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're going to have him on twice before you have me on once. Well, I only have my Instagram followers on as guests. Wow. Okay. Well, thank you, Sophie.

And thank you, all you listeners out there. Yeah. We are going to be in Edmonton on April 2nd, if you want to catch us. Yeah. It's a big Ukrainian city. I want that clerk from the hotel to check me in again and tell me his story. And you can find tickets for that on the show recap post at MaximumFun.org. And, yeah, come and see us in Edmonton.

Even if you don't live there, make the trip. And thanks for listening, everybody. Take care of yourselves. Come on back next week for another episode everybody. Take care of yourselves. Come on back next week for another episode. Or stop podcasting yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture.

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