Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 734 - D.J. Demers

Episode Date: April 12, 2022

Comedian D.J. Demers returns to talk babymaking, plane food, and Kevin Costner.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 734 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I got to spend like a lot of time with over the last 72 hours and I love it. Mr. Dave Shumka. I love time too. You know, time is all we have in this world and don't make the mistake I did. Don't chase after wealth your whole life just cherish the time yes yes and um perhaps you'll get a fattened goose uh

to celebrate your new discovery oh is that scrooge dying is yeah i'm on my deathbed oh i was scrooge this whole time? Oh, I don't know. Yeah. Don't pursue money, I guess. Yeah. There's a lot of people who pursue money who aren't Scrooges. But I guess you go money, you go goose. It's got to be Scrooge. It's got to be Scrooge.

Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, is always a treasure to have him. He has a new special out now called Born in 1986. It's DJ Demers. Hello. What's up, guys? Thanks for having me, as always. Thanks for being on the show. Born in 86 or born in 1986?

Born in 86. Oh, sorry. I'm okay with him out in the 19. You know what? It wouldn't be a plug if I didn't get it wrong. It's like my favorite Bryan Adams songams song born in 1969 sorry summer of 1969 um where can people find that before we get into things well it's not out yet as of this recording so i'm trying to drum up the enthusiasm right now but i think we're we're gonna release it on uh youtube okay cool and then yeah and i don't always wonder this then can people pay for it to watch it on youtube or do they just watch it

for free and then you get class or something i think there's an option where you can put up paid content on youtube but that's not what i'm doing i'm giving it away people can people are free to watch uh an ad for verbo before yeah yeah and uh you know having their sidebar things that they're not sure that uh they want to watch but youtube's like well you like dj demare special so next thing monster trucks honestly if that was what the algorithm told people if that was the connection it was making, that would warm my heart to know that I'm in the same category as Monster Truck. Yeah. You know, like when the algorithm is just kind of doing its own thing while you sleep and then you come up to it the next morning

and it's sure that you want to talk about hats, wide-brimmed hats. I've been getting a lot of ads for wide-brimmed hats. Have you? Yeah. I don't have one't i don't just have one or describe a wide brim hat like uh kind of like a fedori circle on top you know and then a really big flat part around like as big as a record like a cowboy hat no no it's not because that goes up around the side this is more like i guess yeah that broom's not so flat or like a summer hat like a lady wears no like a fella's say like uh you know like a

bandito or something like that would wear that kind of i know you see a lot of them here in la they're very stylish yeah and i think you would look great in one of those wide brimmed hats i gotta say i'm seeing it you'd look terrific in one of them as i'm saying it i think yes you're correct and also the algorithm is listening and it's going to be monster trucks coming next i'm sure of it um should we get to know us yeah get to know us dj has it been it's been over a year, at least, since we chatted. Yeah, I think we last spoke in December of 2020. Wow. And we were all...

Visions of sugar plums were dancing in our heads. The mice had stopped stirring. But we did all... Yeah, it was all Christmas content, all December. It's all we do. We quote, you know you know what clement it might have been earlier because i think graham was telling a story about halloween you guys were both talking about halloween i think it was even earlier than december i think it was

october now that i think about it because i remember some good solid halloween content and you at the time you had just gotten married You just kicked the single life to the curb. Yeah, I'd been married for, you know what was actually going on in my life? And I remember it vividly. I connect it with that episode of the podcast. What was that? Because my wife and I were trying to get pregnant at that time. Right.

And I was in a not so great mood the day that I did your podcast. And I had to drum some excitement up in my uh fake happiness not fake but muster up real happiness go deep into the well yeah or because I didn't want to be a downer for your guests I remember listening to uh this must be the place by the talking heads before I came on to talk to you guys because that song always gets me going in a good mood but my wife and I had been trying for a year unsuccessfully to make a small human and i finally went to the doctor and that day i got my test results back like a couple hours before we recorded your uh your podcast and i found out i have zero sperm zero wow wow yeah yeah just a

couple hours before we recorded and i was like okay and i asked my wife i was like can i talk about this in the podcast she's like let's give it a little time yeah before we reveal these my but now i have a my sperm my anecdote that's that's right no i am happy that i had the issue like uh because i would never divulge anything going on with my wife in that way on stage so but we ended up i ended up having sperm i'm just missing a vas deferens oh so it doesn't it has no way yeah it has no way out yeah yeah and deference yeah i'm trying it out but uh yeah so i got like a vasectomy from the guy upstairs you know what i mean so did they reverse the vasectomy or did they just like, well, there's nothing to reverse.

It's not like anything was snipped. I just don't have a vas. Oh, wow. They had to, they had to go in. So that day I, all I knew,

I didn't know I had no vas deferens yet. All I knew is I had zero. You're always the last to know. That's true. So I had to go get tests and they determined through blood work that my brain was producing the hormones that make sperm so they were like your brain yeah dude my brain was making jizz darts in the brain and in the dick man

if you blow it just blow your nose into this kleenex like there's probably some sperm in there. So then I went to a doctor because they were like, it's probable that you're making sperm. It just has no way out. It's getting trapped somewhere along the line. Wow, in the panic room. Yeah.

So I went to an andrologist, which was a doctor I didn't know about before, but an andrologist is pretty much like a dick doctor. Dick doctor. All things. I'm Dr. Richard Dick, and I'm a pretty much like a dick doctor dick doctor things i'm dr richard dick and i'm a doctor please call me dick doctor my father was dr richard dick yeah so i went to this guy and he by the way his office was just like pictures of dicks all over the wall like murals and fresco of dicks. Like it was like, for real. This guy really had fun with his job.

And he held my testicles in his hand. Metaphorically. Looked me. Nope. Reality. This man was holding my testicles in his hand, looked me right in the eye after three seconds and said, I know the problem. Pull your pants up. And we went back to his other office. he had a second office where you take your pants

off the first office you keep them on you go to the other one to take them off and then go back then he said let's go back and see what the lighting looks like in my other office i feel like you were i was casting a shadow i wish my penis was cast in a shadow. That's very kind of you. Yeah. So he determined from feeling it that I had no vas deferens. So then I had surgery. They went in to get it out. Up until 2009, the surgery entailed them actually removing a testicle from my... So they had surgery to take sperm out?

Yeah, they determined that they were able... Like, they still didn't know for sure, but he felt that I had no vas deferens. So he was able to surmise that there was probably sperm somewhere hanging out in there with no exit. Right. So then I had a procedure to get it taken out. Wow. Was this, you had to go under or was this a day surgery or how does this work? It was a day surgery, but here's the crazy thing. The way they get it now is pretty non-invasive.

Okay. But until 2009, they used to have to actually, they gave me literature basically letting me know how lucky I am to live in this time. Modern times, yeah. The literature. Until 2009, they used to have to exteriorize the testicle, which was not a verb that I knew existed. And then it would have to be hanging on the outside they would just pull it right out yeah and then they would chop it in half like an apple uh-huh and then you'll love to hear it put the put the testicle back together

and then put it back in my ball sack what's the term i'm looking for ball sack yeah scrotum thank you uh and uh and then many men would have many problems after that like healing testosterone issues and all that but now they just siphon it out like uh put their thumb over it move it over to the ivf so so yeah spraying all the other doctors they they take it out and then do what with it freeze it yeah they freeze it and then they um extracted eggs from my wife and and then made some embryos and we were lucky enough to uh create healthy embryos and implanted them in my wife so now we have a baby that's ours but it was a it was a long process filled with ups and downs in your

podcast our last episode was like a vivid memory in my mind of like a down in that. Yeah, we get that a lot. It's a lot if you check out our iTunes reviews. You guys, you eased my spirit. It was down before the podcast. You don't know how much of a help you were there. Well, we like to think that we helped the whole procedure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It would be great if you would make the middle name. So what did you name this child? Manico. Manico. Yeah. Manico. Hmm. I've never heard the name before.

Is it like, no, that's what we guys made up. Yeah. Made it up. We wanted a unique name. Yeah, sure.

My wife's got a name that you don't ever hear so i like that and i've always loved her name so i said let's go creative with our kid's name too and she was obviously down so nice yeah i mean do you i don't know it's fun to have a unique name but also it's fun to have the same name as somebody and that somebody can get blamed for a lot of stuff like if they have if you have a bad credit score you could be like but i'm not monico that person and they're like okay buddy the other monico um so how is it how's how's the the new dad life it's great he just turned a month old a couple days ago and uh you know it's been all the things every parent talks about i'm sure dave can attest to this just a haze the first month i don't know what the hell just happened but no i was i i was i was

in my um rise and grind every day i was uh definitely i was not in the haze i was absolutely out there making money that's right i was grabbing every dollar good things come to those who hustle he always said yeah it was a real hustle guy yeah my kids didn't see me the first 10 years of their lives yeah there's only seven and five appreciate the sacrifices you made for them yeah hopefully i mean you know uh you won't eat that broccoli i paid for that broccoli. You're taking food out of your mouth. You're taking food out of your own mouth. Yeah, come on. But so it's a haze. You're feeling like, is it already going so fast? Like you said, a month has just disappeared. Is it things just sipping along or is it because you're exhausted?

I'm exhausted, but not that exhausted. It's been manageable because so many people were like oh get your sleep now you're gonna so like i was expecting to just be like a zombie so i'm a little tired but like people set the bar so high also like you can't save up sleep like that's not no keep extra sleep in an account that you can it's the most unhelpful advice ever you know get your sleep now i'm like why yeah yeah exactly yeah untie your brain now because boy oh boy i'm tired now but thank god i got all that sleep before so i can use some of that to make myself less tired now do you know that donald trump believes that you only have a certain amount of energy for your life and if you don't use it you just naturally have a higher amount so if you're you know sedentary and uh he thinks like that's how what equals old age is you still have some of that

i gotta say that is ridiculous but also like the greatest rationale i've ever heard for not exercising in my life yeah it's like i'm saving it up yeah why would i waste this energy then i won't have it to do the other stuff i'm like that kind of makes sense if you don't think about it yeah yeah because like when i think about donald trump i think about him being very you know sedentary very slow except when he needs to be fast he's so spry yeah he's out there his whole life is a baseball game yeah yeah exactly he's standing out in right field not moving for eight innings but you know when that ninth inning hit down the left field line or right field line come he's ready yeah he'll climb the wall he'll take the the home run away.

Do you play baseball in your youth? You seem to be able to rattle off a whole phrase of baseball. Is that something that you got as an early person, or is this something just from watching the sport? Love baseball. Played it my whole life. Big baseball guy. What was your position?

Pitcher and catcher when I was young, and then as you get older, those are very hard to do both because they're both pretty taxing on the arm so catcher as i got older catcher nice i do you still play i was playing softball a bit pre-pandy but uh you know honestly i when people short form pandemic to pandy i begrudge them i'm like way too serious of an event to give a colloquial kind of whimsical name like that and then i just agree with that i just did it it'll be just called like a funeral a funeral funeral yeah after the funy we're going to get eggy bakey you're going to the post-funy party yeah we're gonna go we're gonna hang out at sev um yeah fro gurt

uh dave you never played baseball did you no i played t-ball one year and then uh like i played soccer growing up and i hated it and then i played t-ball one year and then uh like i never played again and then my friends were all playing little league and i asked my parents hey why didn't i sign up for little league and they said oh you didn't really like t-ball and i was like i hated soccer and you kept signing me up for it but dave we already bought the shin pads what are we supposed to do with these shin pads did you play any other sports i played uh hockey as well nice how about you just baseball all the way hockey hockey and baseball um like in leagues like competitively and then a lot of basketball but never in a league those were my three big ones holy shit that's a lot of people don't even have one like me for example you didn't play sport

no i did but i was so bad at them that it never it never took you know i was just like not coordinated and i was thinking about like my kids they play sports in school and they play sports, you know, on the weekend sometimes. But like I was out in my parents' carport after school every day, either shooting basketballs. Two hands. Or playing road hockey. Yeah, two hands doing pop a shot. I was the exact same way. Road hockey or basketball every day after school.

Yeah. It was amazing. Wow. This sounds like you had the great Canadian childhood. And I definitely remember my first album I ever owned was Bobby Brown's Don't Be Cruel. album i ever owned was um bobby brown's don't be cruel and i definitely remembered uh playing basketball at age eight in the carport shirtless uh listening to that on a little boombox oh baby let that image live in your head to your back then all we had to worry about was the ozone layer that's right and we fixed it that's right uh the kids don't know how good they are gonna have it

i got hit by a car playing road hockey oh really yeah really hard like the guy wasn't watching or is he like i'm tired of these kids i was like seven years old so my memory's foggy plus i like got concussed when i got hit but uh i don't know what he was doing but i definitely didn't look both ways and ran out from my driveway onto the road i think i was at fault and we had just gotten back from my grandpa's funy and oh shit yeah we had just driven back then you got a concussion yeah concussion yeah but uh my dad always remembers it because like i got smoked and a neighbor came and knocked on the door and my parents came out and i was i had like hobbled over to the curb because i had like landed on one knee and i was in kung fu at the time my dad always

says like i landed perfectly because kung fu taught me that nowhere in any kung fu classes did they teach you how to properly get hit by a car. But he is adamant. But when my grandpa died, he told my dad, tell DJ I'll always be watching over him. Didn't mention my two sisters, apparently. My dad said he just said, tell DJ I'll always be watching over him. He passes away two days later after we drive back five hours from Pembroke, Ontario, back to Kitchener, Ontario. We literally just got back from the funeral. Me and my cousin go play road hockey i get hit by a car emerge like unscathed basically i had

like a bad knee injury but even that wasn't that bad my dad's like that's grandpa right there so grandpa's looking over you but your sisters are on their own is that the he knew they didn't play much road hockey yeah and they they look before they cross the street yeah that's right yeah he's like tell the stupid one i'll be watching after him that's one thing about parenting is like i've told my kids i feel like there were so many things telling you to look both ways before you cross the street but like i'm as far as i know i'm the only one telling my kids to do that because everybody else is just darting out into the street i just feel like

there's there were so many like tv shows about it and like psas that my kids aren't seeing now yeah but peppa pig would never get plowed by a car yeah but well he and she's british so they look the wrong way yes that's right yes um david you ever been smoked by a car no i once got boy i did once get sucked into a jet engine but you look like you got out unscathed yeah no i'm good i came out better uh no have you been hit by a car uh i've been certainly like almost hit uh being a pedestrian in this city because uh cars are not paying attention but also pedestrians are not paying attention it's true so i was i know i had the light oh and i was one time a guy like pushed me with his car and i slammed on his hood and then three of the biggest bouncer looking guys all came out of the car and were make like

what did you do touch my car i was like you were running into me and then they drove across the street into the um parkade for the uh movie theaters so they were gonna enjoy a film probably um i don't know, Dwayne the Rock Johnson, something like that. Strong people like watching strong people, right? Yeah. Yeah, we do. Yeah.

I love the idea of seeing just three knucklehead giant dude just sitting down and enjoying power of the dog. Something very contemplative. this is my jam did either of you guys ever see the uh movie that was based on a true story about these weightlifters in miami was it pain and gain yeah pain again did you ever see that walberg and the rock yeah no it's good though, right? Yeah, it was great. It was great.

I have fond memories of it too. I didn't know if I was waiting to hear what you said before I said it was great. Yeah, no, fair enough. You got to cover your back. Sometimes if I saw a movie more than like five years ago, I don't trust the person I was when I watched it. That's smart. Yeah.

I always do a disclaimer. I liked it when, and then if it sucks I can I'd have plausible deniability you're allowed to like things that suck too true that's true yeah that's um and you're allowed to not like things anymore that you used to think were great yeah I remember like I watched Zoolander the other day and I love Zoolander but I watched like 15 minutes and I I don't not like it anymore but i don't need to watch it yeah i can see that i could see like uh i remember suggesting watching the crow and then upon watching it uh it's awful i know that the people probably still

love it because it was their childhood but man the crow is a hard it's a silly silly movie silly as it gets did he finish it before he passed away i don't know but they they use some of like really rudimentary cgi and you know body doubles and then like unused very dark movie anyway yeah that's right you can really hide and he's wearing makeup so it could be anybody um the ultimate warrior actually subbed in yeah they used everyone who had makeup they got a kiss in there man oh man when he came along i was like these guys are done for this guy's the ultimate there's no this guy's and this guy's so upset all the time oh yeah like he he made it randy macho man savage look like donald trump like conserving his energy the thing about those

80s wrestlers is like yeah you can say it's fake all you want but they were so roided up and so a million other drugs that you're like, this isn't fake. Like these dudes are playing for keeps out here. Yeah. Maybe Donald Trump has a point because they all use so much energy and they're all dead. Exactly. Every time a sprinter dies, Donald's like, see, I told you. I mean, a sprinter only has to work 10 seconds a day, though.

Yeah. When he sees it, he goes, see, that's what I want to to work 10 seconds a day though yeah when he sees he goes see that's what I want to do 10 seconds a day um but you sound like you had a busy extracurricular childhood were you also a good student or was it just extracurricular no good student too Yeah sports and school That was like my whole childhood I'm watching my sister do it with her Kids right now My cat wants out so bad I thought that was the kid We both thought that was the kid

It's the cat But you're not allowed to let the cat out Well that's the thing We don't have him vaccinated We just moved to this place a few months ago And he wants out so we're going to go to the vet and let him be an outdoor cat. He wants to go out. Outside. Outside of the room.

Right. Okay. Yeah. Everybody we talk to in this neighborhood who's had an outdoor cat is like, yeah, we lost him to the coyotes. Because we live kind of in the mountains, like altadena a little bit outside of la now and like literally to to a man every person we've talked to is like yeah we had an outdoor cat it's always past tense and we don't even need to ask what happened anymore like these coyotes ain't they're not playing up here oh well well you know what i the i know the listeners love uh cat going

crazy yeah it's uh it's our new sound. We're field spectering this shit. So this cat, does this cat, what does this cat, have you asked the cat what they think about vaccines? Because a lot of cats are coming out anti-vax. That's true. First, ask the cat how they feel about the convoy.

And then if they respond positively to that, then you can ask. You can really get into it i gotta say this cat this thing right now is presenting a very real moral dilemma because he's so bored inside right now and he's depressed like i look at him this cat is not happy but he's literally begging to die right now like i know if i let him out it might not happen tomorrow it might be five years down the road but i know the clock will be ticking on when the coyotes get this guy.

So I'm like, do I grant him his wish, even though I know in my wisdom that he might not have, or maybe I'm underselling his intelligence. Maybe he knows there's coyotes out there. Could you have the backyard, like, could you turn it into sort of like a wrestling cage? We're thinking about making, like,

a catio type thing like that. Oh, I've never heard the term catio. I hadn't either. I'm deep in this right now. Well, it's an interesting world dilemma. Or you could just drug him. Yeah, that's right. You could drug him.

Or see if he takes to lasagna and then naturally just falls asleep because he ate so much lasagna. Oh, you know what? We are recording this on a Monday, which would explain because he ate so much lasagna. Oh, you know what? We are recording this on a Monday, which would explain why he's so unhappy. Oh, man. I do love that Garfield has endured, and the three things about him are, everybody knows, it's kind of like Gremlins. You know, it's just a. There's more than three things about Garfield.

What would you say are the three things? He loves lasagna. Yeah hates mondays uh-huh he also hates od okay he's also lazy he sleeps all the time that's true yeah he likes to lay around um boy do you mention od yeah okay yeah there's four things he hates john too right yeah i think he puts up with john but he really... Yeah, he sort of thinks he's better than John. And he always kicks... Isn't he always kicks Odie off of a counter or whatever?

Yeah. Does... Nermal only existed in the TV show, right? No. Nermal was in the comics. He hated Nermal. Put it in a box. Abu Dhabi.

That's right. But maybe you're right maybe it's just the cartoon i'm getting all muddled in my head but when you see a kid wearing a garfield shirt i'm like that's just a symbol now that's not a thing that anybody knows what it is you know oh yeah if i see a kid wearing a garfield shirt i'm like name me your top five favorite garfield songs garfield songs you don't know the garfield theme song yeah that is it's like the a lot of the young folks wear the whatever band shirt because they look good.

The artwork is really good. And I see them wearing it. But it's also very funny. I wonder how bad they would think the music is for the band. Like if they were wearing an Iron Maiden one, like how much they would hate Iron Maiden if they listened to it? Or do you think they'd be like, hey, this is some good stuff I've stumbled on?

I'd like to say 80% of them actually like Iron Maiden, and that's why they got the shirt, and only 20% are posers. Because I feel like teenagers are very self-conscious about being called out for being a poser, so they might even take the time to research, even if they weren't familiar beforehand. Oh, right. Yeah, and like Iron Maiden or Metallica, like any metal band, like for some reason, the visuals translate to the music. Like this is the shirt looks like the music sounds. Yeah, that's right. And like, you know, Megadeth had like a character that was on every album cover. And I can't remember what his name was.

I don't know. Didn't, did Iron Maiden have a character? Yeah, I think so. Skeleton kind of dude? Kevin, I want to call him. Kevin, you're thinking of the kid from the Chips Ahoy Rainbow commercial. So you've, you're married, you have a kid, you've moved, you're no longer in Los Angeles proper. You're, you're away from it.

You're in Coyote City. Coyote City. Well, we had, we had coyotes in East Hollywood where we were before too, but these mountain coyotes are built different. Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh yeah. Stronger, stronger calves. How did you see them?

Like regularly? I've seen a couple walking down the street here, just saunter like regularly i've seen a couple walking down the street here just sauntering but i saw a couple walking down the street in hollywood too i mean they got them in canada too these coyotes are they're coming out different though down in the states they're always munching on oranges and uh vitamin c just jacked up we have them here i haven't seen them in this neighborhood but in in my old neighborhood, they would just walk through and they always look unhealthy. Yeah, it's a tough

life for a coyote. I don't know if that's just how a coyote looks. Would a healthy coyote still have the scraggly hair? I don't know, but maybe it wasn't so good hunting season whenever

you know when you saw him maybe he wasn't at his best i'm gonna lock him away so that meowing doesn't get in the way i'll be right back that's true i don't want to yeah yeah yeah have you guys you guys seen uh that darn cat i feel like christina ricci was in it i feel like my brothers and i really made fun of it but i don't know if it was a talking cat or if it was just a cat that got it was a 90s movie yeah and the title suggests that it was like a remake of some old thing oh yeah yeah the 90s belonged to christina ricci am i right this is true this is true and then she was just kind of gone when i think of her i also think of lily sobieski not because of yeah but both of them were like big for a second and then

just gone i don't think lily reached the same heights that christina reached but i don't think christina disappeared no she's uh she still shows up in a lot of... What'd she do? I can't name one, but... She was just in... What's it called? With the bees. Right. The thingamajig. No, with all the... It was the 90s throwback thing with all the actresses.

The Melanie Linsky project. What the hell are you saying? Julia Lewis. There's so much information in there that i didn't understand oh man yeah but you're right uh yellow jackets she was in yellow yellow jackets yeah she was one of the queens of the 90s i feel like thora birch also got a little play in the 90s and on the male side devin sawa was the christina ritchie yeah i mean they acted together too they're intertwined in my brain in that way but then he was just gone were they both in casper that's right okay i think they might have been in another

movie together too but i don't know casper was the big one that darn ghost yeah why they haven't rebooted casper i have no idea but uh it seems very easily rebootable right i wonder who owns the right to that movie you're right that that's a hit i'm always that's one of the things i'm always fascinated by to find out who owns what properties and what they're doing with them because uh like for not that long ago there there was the whole Popeye franchise was up for sale. Like some mega company bought it up. But, you know, like I could have owned Popeye. Yeah.

Taken out enough loans. Channing Tatum is Popeye. Come on. You're not seeing that? Channing Tatum, so you don't see him as much as you. He just came back. Oh, yeah. What is he?

I read an article. When a Channing Tatum article pops up on my timeline, I much as you... He just came back. Oh, yeah. What is he in? I read an article. When a Channing Tatum article pops up on my timeline, I'm clicking on it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You like, you know, strong people like strong people. Yeah. He took a self-imposed break, a hiatus. I mean, he said self-imposed.

But I think his publicist, you know, in Hollywood, when people reach too much exposure and saturation, they say, hey, go take a little walk. Amy Schumer just did the same thing for the last few years and then he came back he's making a new magic mike movie he just made this dog movie which which i'm here for they made pig the nicholas cage one now they got dog i'm cool with just naming movies after a singular animal and just rolling with it you know, who owns that property? Speak and Spell? But somebody owns the Speak and Spell copyright. Oh, yeah. Sure, they gotta make Speak and Spell into a movie. And can you, if you own a copyright

of something, can you hand that down to your ancestors? Do they also get the copyright? Or does it go up for sale? These are the questions I have. This is why I'm fascinated by this stuff. I think you own like it's a company and you own it and then eventually goes into public domain right and or or you run the company into the ground that's another possibility what i would do yes if you were handed the keys to a business like a real brick and mortar business

by somebody left it to you in their will what would you do? Would you try and run it? Or would you sell it? Or what would you do? Like a hardware store. Yeah. Like if somebody left you a means to make a living but it's up to you to actually take advantage of it.

What would you do? I'm very excited by the idea. I would fail. I would love if somebody handed me down a barbershop. I think I would have a go at it. Yeah. You would do the haircutting? I think so.

I'd give it a shot. That's a sole proprietor. I just went to a barbershop in Altadena a few days ago, and the man was so old old and i've had bad experiences with like old men no disrespect to the elderly this isn't ageism it's just i feel like they might not care as much anymore like he was he just i went i i walked by the barbershop and he was outside on the street looking for traffic like foot traffic i don't know what he was doing maybe just getting fresh air and i was like he's pretty's pretty old. I'm going to look for a cooler, younger, hipper barbershop.

But then I was like, you know what? You're being ageist. Go back. This guy could be, and he's right around the corner from my house. This guy could be amazing. So I went in, sits me down, starts cutting my hair without asking what I wanted. Just started cutting my hair. I'll give you the Frank Sinatra. knows the frank sinatra he had sinatra up on the wall that's so perfect the whole wrap pack was up on the wall but yeah he was like i bet you i could buy his business from him he was ready to be done it felt like yeah like when i get a haircut to be done i tell them i'm not going to hear them i take my hearing

so i'm always like hey i'm going to take my hearing aids out i'm not going to be able to talk to you and usually they're like but like i've never seen somebody so happy to hear that i wasn't going to talk to them i was like i'm not going to be much of a conversationalist like you didn't even like yeah great i could spout off my craziest conspiracy theories yeah and then he just had an old tv from the 70s on in front of me and we were just watching i don't know what language it was but we were watching news from the the front lines in ukraine while he was cutting my hair just me and him watching sadness together for a half hour i remember going with my grandfather to the to his barber and he

was bald but he would still go you know get a trim around the the old cul-de-sac there um so now do you uh uh like are you worried now that you he's gonna recognize like he's in your neighbor that's true yeah like you can walk by all every day and he'll be like hey remember me yeah you need you need to cut but i start growing your hair no i'm not worried at all but what you just said made me realize like how important human connection is because if he did remember me i'd go back in for the haircut even though i wasn't happy with it i'd be like he remembers me and then i would feel like the connection was worth keeping that bond going otherwise what was the haircut that you ended up getting i mean it turned out okay i think he

actually knew what he was doing in the end it's like just a regular two on the side and kind of keep i'm actually pretty happy with it now so maybe maybe that was funny to be able to tell people like what's dj up doing you're like well he's handed a barbershop and uh he's just a barber now he just of hairstyles, do you know what made me laugh? Just like how eager we are to create stories out of nothing. You know, the whole Will Smith slapping thing. Did you hear about this?

Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. No, we don't get it up here in Canada. I didn't hear that. Yeah. But I read this article that was talking to the hairstylist for Demi Moore on G.I. Jane, the original movie.

And the hairstylist was talking about how I don't understand how that was an offensive joke. And like the whole thing was a hairstylist standing up for the haircut. But I'm like, you had a hairstyle? Like you just, it was a bald head. Why are we talking to the hairstylist from G.I. Jane? Someone has to shave the head. That's true. Do you think Demi Moore shaves her own head?

I don't think so also g.i jane is such an old reference like that's going to be a quarter century old right it's going to be about 25 hey uh jada hey jada looking forward to seeing you in that darn cat too which i looked up was a movie in 1965 and 1997 okay yeah i love in the 90s that they started rebooting things no it is not but yeah i uh anyways i'm fascinated by the thoughts of what type of job you could just be handed and uh it would just be amazing to just like if you got handed something just if they had regular customers just watching their horror as this place they trusted and came to for years just deteriorate in front of their eyes like a lumber store they come in like hey you got any two by

fours you're like no we're all out they're like how are you out of two by fours you're like i don't know i don't even know who the vendor is we got five by eights are you interested in that yeah i was switching it up i wanted to yeah i feel like i could inherit like a corn maze that'd do pretty well yeah that's pretty good that you would do your own threshing to get to renew it right i mean i would watch a youtube video about how to do that if you if all of a sudden for whatever reason you ended up living on a farm would you would you youtube and try and fix it or would you be like i'm not gonna be i'm just gonna hang out in the house that's all paid for and i don't be not gonna work about these trucks what kind of farming

am i doing corn boy i do like corn yeah do you hate it if you're a full-time having to do like to like have acres and acres of corn and you got to, like, use heavy machinery? Yeah. No, thank you. I want a petting zoo. Farming's tough. Yeah, man. Like, there's people that they want to do it.

They think it's great. A lot of fun. Slaughtering pigs and whatnot. On a small scale, like, the big time farmers are, like, backing out of it. Farming is shrinking. Well, that's also because all the big mult farmers are like backing out of it. Farming is shrinking. Well, that's also because all the big multinationals are gobbling it up. But I don't know. But like a small little farm would be fun, I think.

Have a couple goats. You think? A few little chickens. Yeah. The romantic ideal of just a few little vegetables and a few animals. I'd love that. But large scale farming? When I say large scale i mean still like

you're doing it's not like a big corporation but you have to go 10 to acres of your farm yeah through that up with the the rooster crows and you're like oh that i actually do have to get up now yeah yeah you take your loaded shotgun outside scare off your own rooster you just start slaughtering animals every day that's all you do more animals show up the next day you gotta slaughter them you gotta taste for blood and now you want more Dave what's going on with you my friend

oh who me? yeah you well you and I went to Edmonton this weekend oh I forgot to ask DJ. We always ask DJ. What's new with John Mayer? Oh yeah, what's new with John Mayer?

I'm sorry. You're our number one John Mayer fan guest. Honestly, I love that this has taken hold. I have so many people reach out to me about John Mayer from our conversations. For real. Yeah. And I'm happy to talk.

And when you listen to John Mayer, do you, have you ever gone to a john mayer concert no but he's coming to la in a few months and i think it's time to make it happen i agree yeah and do you think he'll mind if you're like when you show up you're like i'm gonna take out my uh hearing aids you know what i would so that john mayer doesn't even sing he's just like ah thank, thank God. I could just. Yeah. Just do this quietly like I always wanted to.

I haven't been to like a concert concert in years because it is really bad for my hearing. I used to go to so many and like my hearing doctor was like, you're making your hearing worse. Like you don't have much to lose, you know, you don't have much to spare. But I would risk it all for John Mayer. What would you do? So how does it how does the hearing aids work at a concert do you i could keep them in and turn them off and then they act more like earplugs than hearing so i would do that i've done that at loud concerts that i've gone to in the past few years like well it has it's been a few years so five or six years ago but uh are we talking? Who are you going to see? Last loud one I saw was My Morning Jacket.

Okay. Actually, a few years ago, like three or four years ago, right before the pandemic, full name, respect. Yep. Yeah, respect. My wife and I saw a singer named Julia Jaclyn, who's awesome. I love that concert. Is she Australian? Yeah, she is, and she's terrific that was a great

concert I hadn't been to one in a while either so um but yeah John Mayer I'd leave him in lose a couple decibels a couple hertz of hearing for John Mayer hurts so good am I right are you are you going to see this and what do you hope his encore song is? Well, I'm hoping there's more than one. You mean like the song that closes out the encore? Because I'd imagine there'd be more than one. Yes. Ooh.

Do you know, I think I'd love it if he shut the whole thing down with Vultures. I don't know if you're aware of the song. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Graham and I used to do a duet at that. Yeah. Vultures, Vultures, ca-ca, ca-ca Don't you bite my What's the next line?

If only you knew how close you were to the real song Please stop picking at my flesh You vultures, ca-ca He doesn't sing ca-ca, but he does like a wah-wah Oh yeah He's gone to the synthesizer. So Vultures is the last encore. What is the first song that after Waves Goodbye goes off stage,

what's his first song back into the encore? What would be ideal for you? Hmm. I think Slow Dancing in a Burning Room. Nice. Oh. I think Slow Dancing in a Burning Room Nice But you know maybe something off the recent Here's a little fun fact First of all I've been singing a lot of John Mayer To my little baby

And he responds to it He falls right asleep For real he's a Mayer head I feel it And the fact that it puts him right to sleep Oh he's into it. He passes right out. Listen, I'll sing some like Leonard Cohen or like Joni Mitchell or something. I'm like soft, soothing.

Yeah. But doesn't necessarily respond. But John Mayer, I see those eyes. It gets in, you know, that's how I know. Because sometimes with IVFF like we did, there's been instances of them messing up and the dad's sperm isn't necessarily the one that is transferred down. But when he responds to John Mayer the way he does,

I know that that's my boy. Yeah. There's a lot of John Mayer in your sperm. It's 100% John Mayer. They haven't been getting out. They've just been in my scrotum just absorbing mayor for 15 and the doctor's like i'm sorry because i know you're a super fan but uh all your jizz is john mayers do you so john mayer he does he do like because he's done like a blues thing he's done like a trio he has a band he like a trio. He has a band. He does acoustic things.

Does he do it all in a live show? He doesn't do Grateful Dead stuff too, does he? I haven't been to a live show, but I love the Dead. So that would be amazing if he did pull some of that in there. But I don't think so. Well, yeah, like he performed, he tours with them. So I don't know if he would bring it into his own show, but who knows?

That would be amazing. But yeah, I don't know if he would bring it into his own show but who knows that would be amazing but uh yeah i don't know what this latest album sob rock is kind of like 80s inflected it's got like a 80s kind of vibe to it so i don't know if he's like doing that and then just busting out the acoustic and doing more stripped down stuff but i mean i'll take it all but you know to be honest with you here's the sign and i talked about this in our last conversation so i might be repeating myself here but that's fine we love every second of this to be honest yeah i feel like my sperm is getting more John Mayer and the more we talk about it that uh your uh doctor's gonna feel my scrotum and be like huh yeah yeah wonderland right yeah your body is a wonderland it turns out your ball sack is a wonderland I'm holding.

There's a certain gravity to these nuts. I've only seen this condition one other time. The sign of a great artist, in my mind, is like, you know, a lot of times you get that nostalgic element where you go back and listen to their earlier stuff, and you're like, this was when a lot of times you get that nostalgic element where you go back and listen to their earlier stuff and you're like, this was when they were at their peak. But I actually like, if I'm listening to a John Mayer playlist, I usually like skip the earlier stuff now

and I'm listening to his latest releases because those are the ones that excite me, which I think is a sign of just great evolution of an artist where like, I want the new stuff. Yeah. Do you have one of those, Dave? Like a band that you're, whenever they drop new things, you're into it or are you just fans of those dave like a band that you're whenever they drop new things you're into it or are you just fans of like an era of bands yeah um

that's dave learned that from living on his farm yeah um huh yeah i don't well it's i don't i'm has i i'm now at a point where i feel like i've got enough music that i love that like once there's a new stuff i'm like well if even if i don't like this i still like the old stuff yeah yeah yeah but i also like i haven't been to a concert in years and the idea of them like doing new stuff i'm like yeah they gotta do some new stuff like every time you go see a band you're like yeah yeah yeah maybe i'll check out that album once it does feel that way though like sometimes you're you're like yeah oh man this new album it's actually got some really good songs on it and you listen to it once and never again and you don't dislike it but you're like back to three albums ago yeah yeah yeah yeah interesting

what about you guys yeah i you know who i keep up with and i like kind of the way he's evolved is back i like back i like this early stuff i? And I like kind of the way he's evolved is Beck. I like Beck. I liked his early stuff. I liked his mid stuff. I'm liking whatever he's putting out now. I haven't listened to the newest, newest stuff, but he's good. He knows what he's doing.

He's evolving as an artist. I like Beck a lot too, but I don't get into the new stuff enough. But whenever I hear a new single or anything, like that one he released with Paul McCartney in the video a year or two ago, I love it. it i'm like damn beck still got it and then i don't dive into it further yeah he's uh i think he's a scientologist which is a check mark for me that's uh yeah you like that that's very important to me that was a weird thing a couple years ago because well like in the late 90s early 2000s his, apparently his band all quit over that. Oh, over him being a Scientologist. Super cool and rad.

And then like 15 years later, he was like, no, I was never a Scientologist. But everyone's like, yeah, you were. And your wife was. And you were born into it. Just like seeing, testing the waters to see if that would work yeah i never was such a small religion with with such an outsized like impact on the conversation of you know what i mean like i feel like we talk about scientology way more than we talk about like hinduism and we're dealing with a fraction of the amount of followers but like hinduism doesn't have that star power you know yeah yeah who's the most famous hindu they

don't have a tom cruise that's the problem that yeah exactly you need one one awesome convert to religion or somebody who grew up in it no it has to be a convert there's no i'm sure that just exposed my ignorance i'm sure there's huge bo'm sure that just exposed my ignorance i'm sure there's huge bollywood hindu oh yeah but i'm not living in that i googled uh uh most famous hindu and um google gives you the like people also ask who is a famous hindu and i click on it number one the buddha oh the buddha buddha Buddha. Buddha's huge. That's the Tom Cruise. You know, it's like Jesus is Jewish. Buddha is Hindu.

Yeah. I always thought Buddha should have been cast in Jack Reacher. He's big. That's why. Yeah. A lot of those Buddha statues. Oh, boy. I love those strong guys in strong movies.

Anyway, so that's our John Mayer update yeah he's coming to town you want to go and what's up with you dave well we did just go to edmonton we did uh we came back and what fun uh yeah it was fun what were you doing there we did a live podcast oh nice every time we're in edmonton they keep putting us in smaller and smaller venues they're trying to oh they're trying to embarrass us but we can't be embarrassed exactly good luck we run a podcast what how big was the venue this time around like 50 60 people i would say yeah it was uh you know not a stage or backstage no i ended up having to hang out by the toilets because i didn't want to talk to anybody yeah and before the show we were just like so we'll just leave and then come back and then when we come come in the show starts

yeah so we just came in the front door and then we're like let us take off our jackets and uh yeah it was fun i had a good time um and yeah so we flew to edmonton but i forgot to tell a story uh last time i was uh on you know spring break i went to to uh palm springs and i forgot to tell a story about what happened on the plane on the way back. Okay. So we're flying back from LA and I was in a row with two other people and the guy at the end of my row, it was a flight where you have to pay for food. And like they came by with a food cart and the guy was like what do you have and he looked at the little menu he's like i would like a wrap and he bought you know the 11 wrap good friend and uh took it and put it aside and then he fell asleep and so he just like he fell asleep for

the next two hours of the plane ride and then he didn't eat the wrap and then they came by at the end of the flight to like pick up people's garbage and he was like take this whoa what a life of privilege that you could be totally lose a wrap and not be sweating it holy cow yeah didn't even open it was just like i think i just you know i just wanted to be around i wanted a treat i wanted to buy something i like airplane wraps that's one of my favorite food to get on an airplane i have something about a wrap on an airplane i'm not throwing that out yeah on our flight back from edmonton dave and i sat behind somebody who was eating poutine on the plane which yeah it was disgusting even if it was a plane of drunk people you'd be like god damn it yeah this guy's out of control

yeah i wrote a little note on my phone uh just so i didn't have to like talk too loud on the plane and i just wrote on my phone this dude brought some stank ass poutine pointed to the guy but we had that yesterday morning when we were flying back before we flew back we went for breakfast in edmonton at a place called sugar bowl that last week's guest recommended yeah and uh she recommended we get cinnamon buns and graham and i both got gigantic cinnamon buns for the flight home. And we were like, Oh, we're going to be like the stars of the play.

Cause normally people bring stinky food, but we're bringing delicious smelling cinnamon buns. Yeah. And then they were totally overpowered by this guy's poutine. Yeah. There was no winning. Uh, he,

and his, uh, his partner that he was with on the plane also was eating some kind of noodley thing so i think anything in a box can we agree anything that's in a box no good for playing like wrap is good yeah anything fried i think is bad yeah i was on a flight this is a long time ago that a guy had like a small box of fried chicken and you know what it smelled okay but what the fuck you know what i mean why how did he get this in the airport how did he get through security this chicken well it's not liquid fast food on an airplane like mcdonald's or burger king just

smells extra terrible to me if somebody opens up like mcdonald's like i can't handle it yeah even you know i don't like also i don't like any uh snack that's noisy i don't like a ruffles chip corn chips i'll allow it i'll allow a noisy snack how about a carrot that seems like it's a real snapping off but i guess kids they love carrots what are you gonna i don't like watching people eat period i have a hard time with it it's one of these weird things like if i look at somebody just eating normally eating chips or whatever i'm like like i don't want i can't look at it in like a love scene in a movie if it's extra squishy kissing i could do without that i don't know the sound yeah the sounds i think somebody's eating in a movie it bothers me

yeah i can see that what if it's both a love scene where someone's eating like a corn dog they cancel each other out and i want to see that um yeah that was in the scene from american psycho he's eating a corn dog the whole time staring himself in the mirror oh great i forgot to tell you so we were in the hotel in edmonton and we had to go register for the festival we were in on the second floor and it was the same floor as the swimming pool and as we're walking i pointed to the swimming pool and i said hey that guy's so hairy and you know what i looked over he was but like are you hairy are you a hairy man me no dj yeah yeah very good those hairy arms there so

i just assume yeah i'll show you my chest here in a little bit yes please very wow okay what about the back just a lower back well a little bit on my short but not really my shoulders but my lower back about like four inches up sprinkling smattering so this guy was a hairy guy and i pointed him out and then later i went back to my room we had to you know we rested before our show and then we went uh went to the show and then but as i was on the elevator coming down to the lobby i got on the 12th floor and i'm alone on the elevator and then the door opens on the eighth floor and that hairy guy got on the elevator and you know how i know is because he was wearing uh full pants and no shirt wow maybe it was robin williams day you know that we didn't know about that they were

everybody get your hairy chest out he's the hairiest guy that's ever been right. Honestly, I'm like when I look at pictures of him shirtless and look at myself, I'm like Robin Williams. Harry, I'm hairy enough at this point where if I get into the pool at a hotel, I'm thinking people are having that conversation about me. That guy's sucking up more than his fair share of water. Hey, I wasn't mocking this guy i just recognized him because i saw his hairy body twice yeah observing yeah and he was like my eyes are here and you're like well put a shirt on i'm just i just googled hairiest actors what do you got well i feel like burt reynolds had a good yeah burt reynolds is on there i'm salek i don't know why uh what's his robin williams isn't even on this

list which seems like it invalidates it he's number 12 on the list come on who's number one oh number one is not even an actor it's tennis player pete sampras pretty hairy though yeah thomas helix on the list scott khan burt reynolds sean connery oh yeah yeah thomas jane scott khan yes why is scott khan on any list scott khan's not that hairy i think of him as a i didn't really watch hawaii 50 maybe he hairier. I think of him as the gone in 62nd days. I feel like he was hairless, but who knows? When I was a kid, I wanted that more than anything, to have chest hair. Lots and lots of chest hair. And arm hair, but I don't have any.

There's no arm hair, no chest hair, nothing. I got robbed. But yeah, your situation, you don't know how good you've got it. Yeah, I feel like it would really provide a lot of definition for me. It would cover up a lot of flaws. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so you saw this hairy guy twice. I saw this hairy guy twice, and he got off the elevator on the pool floor.

I think maybe he was going back for his shirt um when you uh because you travel around a lot dj do you use the hotel pool or are you like no that's gross i would never do that no i'm it's not because it's gross i bring a swimsuit all the time i just never get around to doing it maybe maybe once or twice in a year i'll do it but splash around yeah but it's also just kind of weird when you're on your own to just go to the when i was a kid yeah i was like there was nothing more exciting this the hotel is a pool yeah i know i still feel that if they have a slide, I still feel that excitement. And then I'm like, I'm going to go down the slide.

If you're like driving by on the highway and the water slide goes outside the building and back in. Oh yeah, that's top notch. That was the worst part about the pandemic. I was still traveling doing a few shows during the ebbs and flows when things weren't as bad.

And every hotel pool was closed and i saw a couple with slides that were closed as well but it's such a like that's a weird thing to say they should just open it up to one guest yeah that's right but it would say like slide closed due to the pandemic i'm like i don't really you don't have to like say it's that direct of a correlation you know what i mean like well if people are going luge style if there's a two strangers that are going down in a luge the position then it's good to know mask up in our pool yeah yeah i do love hotels though um and dave tell us another story no i've got nothing else to tell you. I love hotels, too, but you love hotels the most.

I love them so much. This one had a bidet, which I've never stayed in a hotel that had a bidet. So that was, it wasn't eye-opening. It was exactly what I thought it would be. Dude, honestly, I have a bidet at home. I've had one for about three years. Changed my life. Yeah. I love bidets. Do you have a bidet at home i've had one for about three years changed my life i'll yeah i love bidet do you have a bidet at home no i tried to install one and nearly drowned the room below ours

uh because really yeah because the pipes are so old that you can't get a can't get anything on them so uh luckily it didn't do a ton of damage just made the walls a little moist slowly killing the people through mold black molds yeah uh yeah so anyways bidet that was uh it was fun what did you would you yeah you're still you're addicted now do you are yeah yeah yeah now that i've uh no taste of honey is uh better than a little bit you know what's going on with you other than the bidet or is that it no the other thing that i did i did it when i got home was i've never seen uh the the super dad movie one of the daddest movies of all time i i caught it it was just starting so i just sat there and

watched the whole thing field of dreams yeah much feel the dreams real like dad dad horrific film um and you know what it's good i was not a fan of kevin costner when i was younger i thought he was an over actor but in this he was pretty good um dj as a baseball fan did you you had to grow up loving field of dreams you know i don't i might have watched it i don't remember it but here's the thing this is blast for me especially for me because like my best buddy ryan loves field of dreams like he went to the actual field and had a catch with his dad there he's got a field of dreams tattoo on his whole car what like biggest so i've never even told him i haven't seen field of dreams i need to get on it i think i'd love it though it combines all

our greatest uh loves baseball and cornfields yeah and that ending scene where they just slaughter all the animals for no reason at all yeah no not for no reason the closing credits i watched a bodyguard last year for the first time speaking of kevin costner i'd never seen that oh i've never seen that that was great you've never seen the bodyguard no it's fun it's a lot of fun i'm sure i've listened to uh i will always love you for longer than the entire length of the movie just on repeat that's all the movie is they just do that song on repeat yeah she's the queen of the night it was worth watching uh but uh yeah i liked it i like field dreams but it's like i was just like oh man what are your top kevin costner movies water world was good in jfk yeah i did like water world too i never saw it i was trying to make a joke but hey

maybe it's good it's yeah you know what it's fine i don't know world too i never saw it i was trying to make a joke but hey maybe it's good it's yeah you know what it's fine i don't know why everybody makes fun of it i think it's because it had such a high budget and then didn't make any money but it was cool it was like mad max wet mad max that's what they should have called it well you wet max i haven't seen too many no? I've seen Field of Dreams Place the Corpse in the Big Chill Yeah I haven't seen that I saw A Perfect World

Which is a Clint Eastwood movie So you know I love that Yeah yeah yeah that sounds great I never saw JFK I never saw Dances with Wolves I never saw Robin Hood But I did see draft day you did didn't you yeah i did so um i'm surprised dj i'm surprised you haven't seen it

uh this friend of yours that has the field dream tattoo what is the tattoo it's like the actual field it's like he combined a few different things like he's from canada originally too but he lives in new york now but i think he was feeling a longing for canada so he like mashed it's like the field of dreams but within a canadian flag and it's like yeah there's something else mashed in there too he also just got a tattoo of a lego man on his forearm because he loves lego and with like measurements on it and everything but the measurements are actually like dates of like uh important days in his uh life and he has a little even has a few initials on there like

little letters that look like measurements but they're like uh um something like a connection me and him share so i'm part of that tattoo but like i really admire him because like to get a lego man on your arm i don't have the balls to just get a tattoo like that i'm like i'll regret it but to just be like fuck it i don't care about future me i'm getting a lego man on my arm i would get a lego man on my arm and an army man on my leg um what, that's good. So, I think, if you inherited a tattoo shop, I think that would be a lot of fun. Yeah. Okay, I'll give it a shot. Yeah.

So, okay, so, I want, like, the Field of Dreams filled inside a Canadian flag. Yeah, yeah, no problem. Gotcha. Oh, I'm just picturing how bad that could look. Yeah. I'll just mock something up here a little squiggle yeah but it'll be better on your skin yeah yeah yeah your skin like it's nice and tight how many points are on the maple leaf again is it 11 or 13 it comes out looking like a weed leaf uh-uh can't put that back in the barrel um yeah so uh do you have any tattoos at all deej i do hey i

like that you call me deej we're at that level now yeah absolutely yeah i got a it's sort of a candy one tattoo on my back and it's of a turntable because my name's dj when i was like 23 i was like i'll get a turntable but the artwork i maybe I maybe knew that already. Yeah, I think I knew that as well. That's so funny. Really? Yeah. But I never got another one. So I'm just, I forget it's there.

Sometimes I'll catch it in the mirror. I'm like, oh yeah, I have a turntable on my back. And the artwork I got online, I just found a random turntable. It's like bleeding from the corners on the bottom. So when I brought it into the tattoo artist, he was like, you want the like weird bleeding part? I was like, yeah, sure.

So I got a bleeding turntable on my back. That would be great if everyone had to get a tattoo of what their name meant. Yeah, just have a big leg of ham. Is that what your name is? Yeah, Grey Ham. It wouldn't be a graham cracker? It might be a graham cracker, but yeah, I think... I do like the idea of a gray really uh

you know old style tattoo where there's big black lines and it would be of ham like a leg of hand yeah and mine would be of uh you know a little boy from the bible absolutely annihilating goliath um yeah so that's about oh well there's another thing but i don't know if it's worth talking about well you talked about how you saw summer field of dreams no i saw the whole thing i watched the whole thing okay um how many times had you seen it zero this was this was a my initiation oh and what did you think i thought it was pretty good but it's man if you're a dad i can't imagine must be like you smell something and then your dog smells it and it's just like such uh experience for them that's what i feel like being a dad watching i feel you should watch a dj you're a new dad

i haven't watched it as a dad i've watched it many times as a undeaded person i did not you know the night we got back from the hospital you know we're all weary we've just given birth i mean she's a little more weary than me but we're both exhausted in our own ways probably 60 40 if i had to break down who was we sat down on the couch and i put coda on i hadn't seen it it was pre-oscars i didn't even know it was that hype somebody had just told me it was good and i wept like a baby watching coda that movie i mean i was already emotional and tired and everything but that movie got me good and also the deafness i think maybe i'm not full deaf but i still get the experience a little bit obviously so do you

do you sign at all no no no i've had a lot of deaf people like because i've had interpreters in my last two specials like born in 86 and my special before that interpreted i had interpreters on stage because i'm trying to like i want to bridge that gap and i you know want to make the deaf community feel welcome at my shows and everything but me we got baby sign language uh books so to teach our baby so maybe maybe that's where i need to start at the baby level. That actually, we did that too. And it was a little bit good. Yeah. I think we just gave up with the second kid.

But the first one, it was pretty good. It was like, all right, you want more? You're all done. Yeah, all done was the waving. I'm just doing this all the time now. That's all I've done so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one ever gave me a thank you.

Yeah. Do you guys want to move on to some overheards? Sure. Field of dreams. Max Fun Drive is just around the corner. 2022. Starting April 25th, it's the best time of the year to support your favorite shows

by becoming a Max Fun member or upgrading your membership. In just two weeks. We've got some great episodes and amazing thank you gifts in store. And who knows, maybe a few surprises. Don't forget bonus content. So make sure to tune in starting Monday, April 25th to get all the juicy details on what each show has in store. Actually, wait. What are the details anyway? And why are they juicy? That's kind of a strange adjective to describe details.

Look, it's a rough world out there, especially lately. I get it. So let's take care of our minds as best we can. I'm John Moe, host of Depression Mode with John Moe. Every week, I talk with comedians, actors, writers, musicians, doctors, therapists, and everyday folks about the obstacles that our world and our brains throw in front of us. Depression, anxiety, traumatic stress, all those mental health challenges that are way more common and more treatable than you might think. The first time I went to therapy, I was so ashamed and I was like, I can't believe I gotta go in there. Like, I thought I could be a man and

Humphrey Bogart was never in therapy. And then my dad said, yeah, but he smoked a carton of cigarettes a day. Give your mind a break, give yourself a break, and join me for Depress Mode with Jon Moe. Overheards, when you, out there in the world, if you see something, say something. If you hear something, say something. If you see another thing, say something. And report them all back here to the podcast, where we can have a lot of fun with it. And DJ, do you have an overheard? Well, as I've mentioned before, I mean, overheard is probably I'm not overhearing much, you know, and probably.

Yeah. Yeah. At least tailored to my specific skill set. But I'll tell you something I heard. Yeah. Sure. to my specific skill set but uh i'll tell you something i heard uh yeah so it was directed at me and my wife and i while we were walking our baby around our neighborhood here and this older couple stopped us on a corner we've met so many like nice people randomly in this neighborhood it's a nice little neighborhood where people see you with the baby and they want to stop and give you like positive vibes it's really been something and they want to

tell you that about the cat that they had exactly yeah yeah and they're like you're not gonna let that child have an outdoor baby as well um don't leave it unattended that's all i'll say um but yeah this older couple and the man was like shaking i think he might have had a stroke or something but like and the woman who was with him was his wife we think but like also probably his caretaker a little bit at this point um 60 40 wife caretaker but they were just telling us they wanted to see the baby because we had the the hood up on the stroller and they were like can we see it and so we pulled it down and showed him our baby and this man whose eyes lit up when he saw our baby and he said something that like my wife and i

both like afterwards were like did you hear the way he phrased it it was like kind of special he was like oh and he was like the way it was like emotional even just looking at him i don't know when you see older people who are in a bit of a state of distress, it's a little bit heart-wrenching, you know? But then he looked at our baby and he said, when I see, his eyes lit up and he smiled. He's like, when I see a baby, it takes me to a different dimension. Oh, wow. Yeah. And it was just, I was like, I've never heard, that's not like a cliche statement you hear, you know what I mean?

Like this man was saying, babies take them to a different dimension, which is true. I mean, babies bring great joy, and it's been cool to see that. When somebody doesn't express joy when they see our baby, I'm like, you don't feel any joy looking at this baby right now? New life doesn't make you feel any sort of way? Maybe to them. Can I smell it? Does it still smell new? But yeah, this baby, our baby brought him to a different dimension, which.

That's cool. That's not our typical overheard. That one is very. Very sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when you'll see that mine is not.

Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, mine's not. Boy, I was really hoping DJ had a funny one because this is not going to. So I was walking the dog the other day and it was a Sunday morning. And there was just a guy out on his patio out front. And it wasn't a nice day. So it was like you could tell that like it was just early on Sunday morning and he just needed to make this phone call, but outside, so he didn't wake people up or bother anyone else. And I have no context for this.

I just heard him say, yeah, I stopped at Dairy Queen yesterday and asked if they could fill up my water bottle. And they said, no, it's all contaminated. So that may be something to call about i don't know i don't know i wouldn't drink it though yeah well could you fill up my water bottle with soft serve yeah have you ever have you ever had a coffee shop gotten a glass of water and it just tastes so much like bleach or whatever laundry or dish detergents they use i laundry detergent um that's that's my exclusive experience with yeah my i've uh for me it's like hotel bathrooms where you have that little glass they give you and you're like is this gonna be terrible

yeah and it usually is yeah sometimes um why not paper you know? You're giving us all the shampoo and mini bottles, just paper cups. Those stay clean. Or do you think it's the, like, the stuff coming out of the faucet is bad? No, yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with the glass. I think it's the, and it's not always bad. It's just kind of like hit or miss. Yeah, yeah. When you go to somebody else's state.

Edmonton, the hotel in Edmonton, good water. The hotel at Disneyland, bad water. Bad water. I'll look up the water quality, whatever city or town I'm in, before I take a drink. But the thing is, I don't think anybody's being truthful. I've been all over this continent, and every single one is like, water quality is great.

You're like, come on, it's not great everywhere. It tastes terrible, but it won't kill you. Yeah, it's clear. It comes out clear. It goes down the drain, no probs. The water itself will not clog the drain. My overheard is a woman scolding her dog. And she said, loud enough that we could all hear it. It wasn't a whisper

to the dog. She said, maybe we should walk you in the alley, because that was a terrible fart. You can't even keep you on an outdoor sidewalk. You need to be around the garbage cans. I mean, pets, man, they can be g gassy gassy as all get out oh it's my uh dog's uh

one year birthday today happy birthday monster happy birthday monster to all the if you're listening well uh this is for you yeah this one's for you uh two three, vultures. Ka-ka, ka-ka. We're talking about vultures. Ahooga. You've got his sound down. That's for sure. Oh, yeah.

I don't know about the lyrics, but you've got the right flavor. The vibe. Yep. Thanks, man. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the world. If you want to send it to us, you can can send it into SPY at maximum fun.org. And this first one comes with, uh,

this is from Stuart McCabe over in Dublin, Ireland. Hi, hi, hi. I got on the train in Dublin. There was a toddler sitting next to me with his dad, toddler,

loudly crying. Dad says, do you want to watch some golf toddler immediately stops crying yes or is that a threat do you want to watch golf watch a golf if you don't keep it down yeah that's like the code word that he establishes when they're home like when i say do you want to watch golf that means do you want to get your ass beat when they're home like when i say do you want to watch golf that means do you want to get your ass beat you know so it sounds innocuous to anybody overhearing it you want to watch golf yes yes have you ever golfed dj yeah yeah i started that one a little later in my teen so i'm not very good at it but i can i can close a business deal on the course you know what i mean oh sure nice nice yeah you and the barber getting out there and sealing that deal on the course, you know what I mean? Oh, sure. Nice, nice.

Yeah, you and the barber getting out there and sealing that deal on buying the... I mean, I think your teens is pretty early. I think I always think of it as an old man sport. Yeah. But nowadays, if you want to be any good at anything, you got to follow that Tiger Woods blueprint. You got to have an Earl just pushing you into it at three years old. We all need a little Earl in our life. Yeah, I had a king richard yeah yeah you know some parents really push their kids for success some people

don't doesn't matter ah doesn't matter in the end you know yeah do you have a plan where you're gonna push your kid to do yet dj yes i have a very strong idea because here's the thing what's it gonna be a lot of parents push their kids into like if they're gonna play football they want them to be the quarterback or the running back or the receiver the star but i don't think anybody starts them trying to be a kicker from a young age i think they discover that later so i think if i get my kids kicking a thousand field goals a day at the age of three so you know what i mean bring them out to the local field just kicking and if they even try to pick it up with their hands slap it out of their hand no yeah you don't pick up that football you're a kicker i think i'll have a real good kicker you're kicker for life and you can be a kicker into your 40s oh yeah modern medicine i say by

the time my kids old enough maybe into their 50s 60s that's sure they say the first person to live to be 150 has already been born and probably the first 80 year old kicker yeah so i think i'm on to something here i'm gonna make sure they like it but also if they don't like it i'm gonna say just try it for three or four more years before we give up on it yeah i bought you the cleats and now we're gonna do this um this next one comes from andrew n couple uh carrying coffees walking downstairs to the train stop in Brooklyn saying, I think it's underrated as a cold weather donut. Um, what do you think?

What is it? What is it? Oh, sure. Jelly jelly. People think of jellies as just a summer donut, but it could be a cold weather donut. Yeah. What about a bear claw? That definitely is a cold weather donut.

Yeah. What are you? Boy, I can't think of anything that's a warm weather donut actually apple fritter brings me i want to eat that on a winter yeah a winter day with an apple fritter and like a coffee that sounds great yeah that's like every donut's a cold weather donut yeah yeah i can't think of it oh that's what you meant you can't think of a warm weather donut yeah Yeah. Yeah. I can't think of it. Oh, that's what you meant. You can't think of a warm weather donut. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with that. Mini donuts.

Cause that's sure. You get them as a fair, maybe a cruller. That seems like a lighter. I couldn't even picture a cruller. I don't think I've had a cruller in my life. Spindly kind of like a, it looks like a melted candle.

Oh yeah. I like that. That's great. This last one comes from Rebecca B. from Toronto, Ontario. As earlier this year, just as things were warming up here in Toronto, my family and I,

driving by Christie Pitts Park, shout out, when we saw a pair of buskers getting ready to perform. One was a banjo player the other was a tuba player someone on the street recognized the tuber player and said hello the tuber player very jovial uh said hey i play the tuba now yeah it amount to nothing but check it out look at me i'm playing tuber tuber um dj any instruments you're a real go-getter of a kid so i

just assume you also could play an instrument uh yeah i played guitar but not great play a few chords or whatever i never stuck with it enough to become really good but you know who's really good yeah you know who's really good john fucking legend john legend yeah in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one no one spy pod one like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Elizabeth in Portland, Oregon. I'm calling with an overheard. The other day I was on a walk with my partner and our dog,

and a woman was walking towards us very quickly and animatedly. She seemed cranky about something, and she was on the phone. And just as we passed each other going opposite directions, I heard her say, I haven't had crab Rangoon since the fucking eighties. All right. That's it. Love you guys.

Bye. Crab Rangoon. Crab Rangoon. Rangoon. From beyond Rangoon. It's probably like lobster Thermidor. Like it's something. Yeah.

It's the old timey. Yeah. Crab Rangoon. Crab Rangoon. Yeah. I've never heard of that in my life no me neither it's it seems like a thing that if it was the um recipe on b bobby flay that everybody in the audience would be like it's uh boy crab and cream cheese filled wontons is what it seems to be oh my god that sounds unreal oh my god cream cheese and wontons is like one of my favorite things in the world you had crab meat to that holy shit bring me back to the fucking 80s if that was the heyday

these are one of these eight absolutely it's like you picture the 80s, it's like, you know, Punky Brewster sitting on Billy Idol's lap eating a bunch of Crab Rangoon with health. Oh my God. Next phone call. Hi, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest. This is Ethan B. calling from sunny Los Angeles, California. I am stuck in traffic right now and was just checking my rearview mirror and noticed the lady behind me was sitting in traffic, playing with her hair, and cutting her hair with a pair of scissors.

She wasn't dropping anything out of the window so i'm only assuming it all fell into her lap anyway off i go right yeah man we've all been there yeah there's always somebody doing some fucking thing that you've never seen before on transit that's like well she was just driving that's true she's just driving but i feel like she was on her way to the audition and like read the the thing for the audition one more time and it says looking for a short-haired actress she's like oh shit g.i.jane 2 shit hey i heard they're making g.i.jane too yeah have you heard about this folks have you heard yeah has anybody thought that this was all a demi moore thing to like drum up enthusiasm for g.i.j.n

oh yeah i didn't think about that has anybody talked to her lately nobody has yeah i think cutting your hair in the car if there's a traffic jam would be pretty easy yeah you've got mirrors you've got mirrors you got you're on a level field so you can make it even you're not you're not tilted too much this way or that way yeah as long as you're not like you know on a bank turn on a your nascar yeah but the nascar guy couldn do it. He's got a helmet. If you see him without his helmet, you know that he's cutting his hair. He's a badass.

And your final phone call. Hi, this is Shane from Kansas City. I was just in a thrift store and I overheard two teenagers both talking back and forth saying, I don't get it. I just don't understand. What is it?

And I look over and they're holding up a sweatshirt that said, Executive Producer Dick Wolf. Okay, bye. The executive producer of Law & Order. Right. The closing shot of Law & Order. Kids, you know, they'll get it one day. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Law & Order order back on the air after a short hiatus um all your favorites are on it they're all very old at

this point but uh they're there holding down it was never not like it was off the air but there was always a law and order on yes yeah But they brought back fresh. Fresh rip from the headlines, which was always weird if the headline was anything about the internet or some hip musician. That was two categories they could never get a handle on. Oh no, these you know,

Big Jeff, the singer Big Jeff, he's posting a picture on Flepper. Oh no, he's posting a picture on Fleffer. Oh, no. He's a sex criminal now. Well, you know, on that note. Sure.

That brings us to the end of this year podcast. DJ, thank you so much for being our guest. Thanks for having me, guys. I always love talking to you guys. And whenever somebody reaches out to me that says they know me from your podcast, I immediately assume they're a good person. You guys are good people. And I feel like the listenership reflects the host and vice versa.

So anybody who's listening who likes me from this podcast, I just want to say you're my favorite type of fan because I love Dave and Graham. You guys are the best. Oh, that's very,

that's very nice of you to say. Yeah. Of course. Your, your comedy special is coming out what date? We don't have an exact date,

but check out my Instagram. I'm on TikTok too now, guys. Hell yeah, everybody is. You gotta do it. You gotta. Yeah, once you have a kid, you kind of have to'm on TikTok too now, guys. Hell yeah, everybody is. You gotta do it. Once you have a kid, you kind of have to get on TikTok. I mean, I'm putting him up.

He doesn't know he's on TikTok yet, but he's going to be a pretty famous baby. But yeah, it'll be out. I'm hoping we're doing all the last mixing and color correcting and all that. So I'm hoping in the next few weeks. Okay. And your other specials, can that also be found on YouTube

or where can people find those? Yeah, my first two specials are both on YouTube in Distinct Chatter and Interpreted. So check them out. Yeah, absolutely check them out. Having released three specials in one career, that's quite a feat because some people never record one. So you're ahead of the pack of a lot of people, I say.

Thank you. There's so many jokes on the internet. You know what I mean? You just take them, put them in your act, and people aren't really policing it as much as they should. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, it's like free money. Yeah, you're like a cover artist.

You're just doing covers of these jokes yeah i like i like to believe i'm doing them service you know what i mean like the original artist is gonna get notoriety from me like it's all gonna filter back to them i don't feel exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah it's an ecosystem um um hey uh everybody out there the max fun drive is coming up later this month oh yeah get your uh get your affairs in order yeah starting in a couple weeks we're gonna have some very special episodes to try to lure you in with the lure your special five dollars a month yeah here's some bonus content you know what and And we've been doing the bonus content all year long. And it's true.

It's been happening. It's good. And we always love when people join up with maximum fun. So keep those cameras safely rolling. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.