Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 747 - Tess Degenstein

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Actress Tess Degenstein returns to talk growing pains, a new puppy, and visiting LA.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 747 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always, a host of the most and a good pal to boot, Mr. Dave Shumka. I'm a host of the most, I'm a good pal to toast. So let's hear it for me, three cheers for Dave. Hip hip, hooray, hip hip, hooray, hip hip. Hip hip,oray. Hip hip. Hooray. Hip hip.

Hooray. And before we get the show underway, we just wanted to say a little bit about past guest Nick Nemiroff. Yeah. Who he passed away quite suddenly last week. And we had him on the show not that long ago, a couple of years ago, maybe. Yeah.

And very funny guy, very sweet man, you know, huge, huge loss to the comedy world, but also, you know, to his family and friends that are,

you know, extend outside of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I didn't, extend outside of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, I didn't,

uh, he came on the podcast once. Um, I didn't know him, but I was a big fan of his and I, I think it was someone we both really wanted to get on and we were excited to have him on. Yeah.

Um, and, uh, if anyone out there, he was very funny. So if anyone out there wants to check him out, there was, there's, he has an album album out he has plenty of clips online

yeah and his album is excellent and it's worth a listen and and so is the episode because you can you can see how funny and sweet he is in in real time yes but with that we should just get back to our regular scheduled program here on Stop Podcasting Yourself. And so let's introduce our guest. Our guest today for episode number 747. Uh-huh.

Return guest to the podcast, one of the all-time greats. It's Tess Degenstein, everybody. Hello, boys. Hello. Hello, Tess Degenstein, everybody. Hello, boys. Hello. Hello, Tess. Hi. How are you? Tess, it's episode 747.

We got you on because we know you love airplanes. Famously. Yeah. Boy, tell me about your first time on a plane. Honestly, I was six years old. I was Florida-bound with my my father we were heading out to check walt disney's very own world whoa yeah very exciting i although i remember nothing about the plane i do remember that uh the car we rented when we were there was a convertible

oh shit you got that when you went all out yeah dad went dad mode and got a convertible oh my dad only goes goblin mode yeah that's right well I bet he's a pretty hot young woman yeah he is should we get to Noah? yeah get to Noah's

Tess what a wild and winding road we took to get to know us Tess what a what a wild and winding road we took to get to this podcast but we're glad you're here we're glad it's all working yeah

you solved a problem in a way that I've never seen yeah we were very I mean we didn't talk to each other about it but I assume we were both very impressed we were yes

you guys didn't talk about it it was a very cosmopolitan no we only started we wanted to save it all up and get your side of the story we also don't want to we don't talk about people when they're not around i think it's rude yeah i think you're right and honestly more people should be like you guys in that way yeah we only say mean things to their face uh insult comics yes tess tess we're doing this via zoom tess is in toronto yes toronto toronto ontario toronto ontario not toronto australia and she is um uh she joined the call uh and i noticed she didn't have anything in her ears. And I said, Hey, do you have headphones or earbuds?

And she was like, no, we're going to get kind of a inside baseball with you guys out there in the, in the listening world. So she put Q tips in her ears and we were like, that's not going to fix it at all. And she said, and I can't get any right now.

I have COVID. I'm not allowed to go to a store. That's right. It's true. What solution did she come up with? Like lickety split? I was like, well, maybe I can go to a convenience store's page on DoorDash or Uber.

I chose DoorDash. And maybe I could get them to bring me some headphones. Now, this is the part of the store that you guys still don't know. Uh-oh. I got them. So I ordered some headphones now this is the part of the story that you guys still don't know um i got them so i ordered some headphones i ordered some like wireless earbuds because i was like well i if the headphones have this jack i don't know if i'll have this adapter for my computer um and so i ordered wireless earbuds and they came and then they, they had a charge of exactly zero. So I plugged them in. I was like,

this isn't going to work. And I ended up knocking on the door to the upstairs suite. And she lovingly from a distance through, through panes of glass was she lent me her. That was really sweet. This is a neighborhood coming together. This is true. You'll be able to bond over it at the next block party hi yeah i'm test from downstairs yeah hi um it's i'm doing a podcast it actually was uh it was it was like hi i'm test from downstairs

um it's an emergency i'm doing a podcast it had more of that flavor yeah and what does your neighbor do they know what the podcast do they are they a fan did you tell them what podcast they're a super fan they screamed they uh did an immediate yeah exactly uh oh my god putin and hollering uh and said anything for them and so here i stand stand before you rip the earbuds right out of the kids ears and handed them over to you what is the plan with the earbuds that are the uncharged ear airpods i'm gonna charge them up and then no i'm gonna keep them yeah i'll have them as a as a backup and these aren't like i don't want to be like oh so i just ordered some new um airpods some apple earbuds they were like

the the brand is called like wickender with no vowels oh i love wickender yeah something like that i've gone through a few i refuse to pay whatever the apple price is so i i've gone through a few pairs of wireless bad boys and are they what are they called hayley wickenheiser's what are they yeah you have the hayley wickenheiser it's the only brand yeah endorses boy what bro you shoot you listen it's weird it's like it's the kind of product that there are now like 500 brands that make wireless earbuds i was also logs make one yeah kellogg's well you get them in a uh container of frosted flakes yes yes excellent yes um okay test so thank you we thank you so much for going the extra mile yeah oh i just sat here it's good to be here

how are you is this your first bout of COVID? It is. It's my first go round. It's been okay. Yeah. You okay? What's what's going on? I had,

I had two hours maybe where I couldn't taste anything and that was really freaky. Yeah. But I don't know if that is possible. Like, I don't know if it's possible to just lose your sense of taste for two hours. Well,

it depends. What are you eating? We're just eating like rice crackers. Yeah. Yeah. I was eating. I, I, I, I shit you not. I was eating yogurt mixed with jam.

That's like a Paddington meal that you made for yourself. Yeah. So I don't know if it was the meal, but the feeling was that I couldn't. Like I was, you know, when you're straining to see something, let's say the blackboard as a child, whatever, figure in the distance as you today. I can go on. But it was like that, except it was like my taste buds were straining to taste something that was really far away. Oh, okay. Weird.

That is weird. I know. It's weird enough that I don't know if it happened or if I just like had a bit of a fever. Yeah. I have had that like with having just like a really bad cold, not being able to taste anything. And your body is kind of like, what's the point?

Like you just put food in your face and your body's like, well, you might as well eat healthy because uh this is our big chance totally we're just doing texture and temperature at this point folks yeah yeah exactly um well that's not bad you got away with only 20 minutes of tastelessness yeah i was lucky and but you you sound fine you sound good that's good otherwise otherwise feeling good or no? Yeah, yeah.

I'm definitely on the upswing. I think today's my last day of isolation. And I had a couple days with a fever. But no, for the most part, I've been really lucky. Well, we're glad. Yeah, me too. I've had a cold. I had a cold in April, May, and June.

And I'm sure One of them was COVID I tested myself I tested negative every time And like multiple days The first cold Was the one I think was COVID But I tested negative six days in a row Oh man

I mean colds are also back They had their moment Where they weren't around and now they're back. But it was really like my dad had COVID like a month after my cold and he was like, he was telling me he was sweating a lot. And I was like, oh, yeah, I had that. I was sweating a lot when I had colds. And like I had severe muscle pains. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and like i had severe muscle pains oh yeah yeah yeah but it's weird because that also is what just like a cold is like it's like a coldy flu kind of thing so yeah you know i don't know if

you if it is you fared okay you made it through to that except that i keep getting cold every three snacks. I was happy to see that the rapid test, like I was like happy to see that I was sick and the line was turning. I was like, okay, this is working. This pack is working. This is good. The thing it's supposed to be doing, it's doing it. It's good. It's hard to

pee on it at the right angle because it kind of, it sprays it everywhere. Totally. And it's really hard to get that first bit of the stream you're supposed to get the morning they give you graham they give you a little like solution you pee into your solution isn't it weird we all have to do that at work now yeah yeah in front of each other with the covid supervisor just standing there yeah and we all have the same job yeah we all work at the same job we all work at job you can joke about generically yeah job yeah i work at a big church we all work at a big yeah that's right um and we do slightly different things during our shifts but all together we're church employees what um do you you're an actress yeah

it's been a while yeah it has it's been a while it's been a while for what since i did since i did lots of acting oh sure but isn't life just one big performance it lasts a stage all. All the world stages a band. Oh, sure. And the people are players or whatever. I really thought you were going to say, oh, shut up. Fuck you. Do you, have you, have you done any work where they need you to take a test?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been on a couple sets where, yeah, you test a wardrobe day and then a preset day and then onset and then again. Yeah, lots of testing. Yeah. Here's an acting question. But never a pee test. Yeah.

Oh, okay. No drug test. Did you have to do the Canada fitness test ever? Burpees? Yeah, see how many laps you can run? Yeah What's the one where you just go back and forth? Back and forth

Wind sprints? Maybe, yeah I thought there was like a Beatmans or like Bicton I thought it was like the name of some guy who was torturing the kids No, it's Bitcoin You have to do Bitcoin or like Bicton. I thought it was like the name of some guy who was torturing the kids. No, it's Bitcoin. You have to do Bitcoin. You have to prove that you can figure out what it is. Aren't wind sprints the ones where you

like you have to like touch a line 10 feet away then run back. Then touch a line 20 feet away and run back. Oh yeah, real bad stuff. When's the first time you thought you would barf from exercise i'll tell you yeah if you you lead the charge soccer tryouts in grade six oh no what was the what were the tasks it was just running it was just like

yeah i've been playing soccer for years but now they just want me to run did you have like something like a lot of jujubes or something before you started or was of course i needed energy yeah yeah i was trying to think of the first time it probably was wrestling i feel like that you get like pressed in the stomach a lot whoa are you a wrestler no i mean yeah he being modest. As much as I'm a volleyball player. Cool. I did a little bit in school. Did a little bit in NXIVM.

Yeah. What about you? Were you a team sports or solo sports person in high school or no sports? No, no sports really. I did a bit of track and field. I definitely also remember soccer i don't think i threw up but i remember that tinny taste in you know when you breathe too hard and you're like and i remember feeling that for the first time it was probably not long after i got on that plane

to be honest oh shit i was about six yeah yeah yeah so i feel like uh everybody just has to be in soccer for, for a point that every generation is just like, I'll put my kids in soccer. Yes. Cause, cause it's a, it's a gentle sport.

It's not, there's no, that's true. You're not, you don't have to tackle it. And you just get to kind of like the fields. I think the setup is so minimal too, which probably has a real appeal.

Well, it's also free. Like it's not free, but like you have to well it's also free like it's not free but like you have to pay whatever fees but like it's yes compared to sports where you buy equipment and stuff it's running kicking the nets the goal like it this rules are so simple too when you're playing it in a basic way which is the only way i know how to play anything. Yeah. Would you say you're basic? I would say I'm a basic batch. I remember a soccer game.

One of the only times that I scored was a game where everybody scored on the same goal. Everybody got a goal. So that was the one time I remember being like, yes! Taste of victory. It took me years to score i played soccer from grade 1 to grade 12 i didn't score i didn't score until maybe grade 3 that surprises me

yeah i know i know but uh i was uh yeah you know i had a lot of heart. I didn't have a lot of finish. Were you doing a lot of assists? No. No, it was a lot of building a little mountain out of gravel. Did you guys get growing pains when you were children? Yes. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

That's weird shit. Like sore legs and sore arms? Yeah. Where did you get them tess yeah my like above ankle area yeah for me it was knees for me it was shins shins yeah knees yeah that's a weird one to me because knees got a bend in them you gotta yeah yeah but i'm just imagining the the thing doing the growing is only this doesn't make any sense but it's only like the straight unbendable part no that's if you looked

at me i don't wear shorts now but if you look i've got gigantic knees like popeye popeye's forearms of knees just absolutely ripped knees yeah swole he's got those swole knees. What age is that that you're having limbs actually growing? Is that early teens? I remember being like 9 or 10.

But I also remember my limbs growing from the time I was a baby. No, I stop. No, no. I remember my limbs growing. I definitely remember my limbs growing from the time i was a baby and no i stopped no no i remember my limbs growing i i definitely remember my limbs growing as a baby and i don't remember anything from when i was a baby uh i think whatever i think i remember is something my brain made up yeah or family lore where i'm like yeah i i remember like i remember that one family story but i think it's just from families telling it i remember my i would get my big things as a kid were migraines and growing pains no that's actually not a bad do maybe i should write a song they rhyme uh but country song the yeah um but i

uh i remember one time my mom We were doing something at the church But it was on like a Wednesday night And I just remember being in agony And like weeping on the floor Because my knees hurt so bad Oh no That's awful what did she say to comfort you

Uh You can't go home You can't You're stuck here real yeah you can't go home again yeah it's weird though as a father now when my kids like describe a pain and i have to be like oh i think that might be growing pains because the my kids will be like you know kirk cameron's they know they know it from the one context yeah alan thick i feel like alan thick is around my elbow yeah that that's got to be hard to explain the difference between what's going on in their

body and kirk cameron's television show yeah and like, uh, my legs are telling me to show me that smile again. And you're like, oh, that sounds like a classic case of, yeah. Queuing up the VCR. Um, that,

that was prime television that was watched by me just cause it was television. That was like one of the high watermarks. I didn't like any of the characters. I thought Alan Thicke was weird. And, uh, because wasn't he, he was a therapist or something? Yeah, it was a big thing to make TV shows

with like a home office. Yeah. Cosby Show, he was a home gynecologist. Gynecologist. Yeah. No, really? Yeah. Okay. he was a home gynecologist yeah no really yeah oh yeah okay yeah there's no i mean there's no detail about that that's any good it's all no no yeah it's filthy put it in the bin those are the only two examples i can think of though what was um oh no murphy brown had a painter at her house all the time. That's right. That was his home office.

Mr. Belvedere was a home homekeeper. Who's Mr. Belvedere? He's a, he was a butler who really cinched together a family. You don't know Mr. Belvedere? No, no man. And he famously, he's a big fat guy, and he famously sat on his own balls at a uh on a table read and screamed so loud i mean i had to send everyone home that was that wasn't an episode he just did did that he did that during a table read

oh this is good that that was the golden age of television yes say what you will about prestige what were your tv shows growing up tess they were the rosie o'donnell show and that oh what time was it on it was on at 4 p.m i think so you could get home from school and get home from school i'm so excited for rosie o'donnell to pretend to have a crush on tom Cruise yes to call people cutie patooties and throw her little kush balls at the audience yeah that's right you got your kush ball ready to shoot at the television I was like oh I love you Rosie

kissing my kush ball shooting TV over gets you and I loved all the Broadway shows they had on did you really? Yes. I was like, Titanic the musical.

This is for me, a grade eight girl. Wait, wait, wait. There was Titanic the musical? Oh, yeah. Do you know any of the songs? Not off the top of my head. I wish I could do it. I know one of them.

I know one of them. Do you really? It's, hey, we're sinking. Oh, no, we're sinking. No, come on. I know you're thinking that we are sinking. Yeah. I'm coming here with an open heart.

Because when did Titanic the musical, because Titanic the movie came out in 97. When did Rosie go off the air? Oh, I want to say around 99. So did the musical come out in those two years? I think it was after, I think it was like a, certainly a Capote,

Capote Armageddon, deep impact. Like it was like, everyone had Titanic on the brain. First daughter chasing Liberty. What are, what are they? I don't know this thing.

Who are they? What are you talking about? First daughter was Katie Holmes as, as, as uh the daughter of the president going on a date yeah and chasing liberty was mandy moore as the daughter of the president all of these came a few years after my date with president's daughter starring the older brother from boy meets world whoa oh wow so it's just everybody was like what would it be like if we had chelsea fever and then also the president's daughter was running around west wing that's right oh sure played by i want to say elizabeth moss oh really i don't know what i'm just saying what is now what is your relationship to the west I want to say Elizabeth Moss. Oh,

really? Yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying stuff now. What is your relationship to the West wing? Oh my God. Yeah. I loved it.

Absolutely horny for, uh, for Bradley Whitford. Bradley Whitford. When I was a young, young person, I was like, wow, what a man.

Look how smart he is. Is Bradley Whitford the name of the actor or the role? The actor. His character was Josh something. Okay. You don't know Bradley Whitford? He was married to Jane Kaczmarek. I don't know.

It's true. I know, I'm double lost. Maybe I'd know him to see a picture of him. You would definitely know him. Have you seen Billy Madison? Oh, yeah. He played the bad guy in that. He's the bad guy.

He's Russell. He's Russell Billy Madison. I know the bad guy from The Wedding Singer. Is that him? We're getting closer in some ways. Sure. This is doing like Cockney rhyming slang. You know the mom from Malcolm in the Middle. closer in some ways sure this is doing like cockney rhyming slang you know okay if you

know none of them you know the mom from malcolm in the middle yes okay she was married to him oh i see okay i gotcha um i'll just look through my scrapbook that yes oh you would know you would know him so hard yeah he's the kind of guy you totally would know he is uh he's been anyway it's it's really not important and i'm i'm kind of i can feel myself not wanting to give more references because i actually don't want people to connect it because i it's it's a it's an embarrassing first crush because it was so intellectual. Oh, have you seen Get Out? Uh-huh. Yes.

Right. He's the dad. Oh, yeah. I know him. Okay. Okay. Now we're back. But you have to understand, he was younger.

I was younger. He was the president's aide or something. Everyone's the president's aide in West Wing. He was talking so fast. He really likes seeing CJ do the jackal. in the West Wing. He was talking so fast. He really likes seeing CJ do the jackal. Oh my god. The jackal

is something. That's literally the only scene I've ever seen. Oh really? Yeah. I tried to get into the West Wing like 10 years after it went off the air and it didn't happen. That was your first mistake i it's i just know it is the place that they invented the walk and talk

quick yes yes and it was the other thing i know about it is that there always seemed to be a yo-yo ma concert happening well that's just washington dc yeah that i feel like that's frazier too maybe yo-yo just spent a lot of time in uh in all the washington dc yeah that i feel like that's frazier too maybe yo-yo just spent a lot of time in uh in all the washington states from dc to the evergreen state yo-yo's washington tour who do you think like the number two cello player is the god almost as good as yo-yo ma you know scrappy up-and-comer but not not name and literally who is the second classical musician you name another charlotte charlotte church nice that's it thanks i feel like i'm sure one of her songs was in like miss liberty or any of those president's daughter's flick she was a singer she was welsh yeah and i know one was victor borga

right victor borga and who could forget the punk aesthetic of uh classical violinist nigel kennedy yes he did a great cover of let me stand next to your fire by jimmy hendrick let's hear a forum folks is that who the kennedy center is named after yeah that's true wow i thought it was named after jamie kennedy but there you go that's my idiocy um so tess uh what i love about this episode yeah is i feel that the fact that it started before it even started it was chaotic i feel like it's kept up that energy we're talking about we're talking about anything and everything under the sun yeah it's uh you know what it's from us here to you out there we're trying our best yeah the world's a stage um so what have you been doing to keep busy you said you're not acting so much

right now are you you were running the last time you were on the podcast do you have another new hobby do you have another thing that you're doing on the reg i was running around i i have a serving job that i got that i really like at a diner yeah that's very fun had it like a real honest to goodness diner yeah it is it's like it. Had a, like a real honest to goodness diner. Yeah, it is. It's like, it's, it's a kind of hip one,

but it's one of these diners where they get to be mean to everyone. No, I could never, but, uh, it is a, it is a diner where I feel like I can call everyone darling and honey and all that stuff.

Whoa. And that's very fun. Yeah. It's kind of a duty. Yeah. I just Chuck, I hurie patootie. Cutie patootie, yeah. I just chuck, I hurl my koosh balls across the restaurant.

Yeah. I hope you don't have a koosh allergy. Are there regulars? Do you know some regulars? Oh, yeah. People come in every day. It's awesome.

Get the same thing. You kind of pour their drink because they're sitting down and start talking. They can sit up at the bar. It's i love this this is i used to work in a coffee shop and it had that same kind of thing you'd see the person walk through the door get that macchiato going totally pour that lager get that coffee yeah are you um have you ever been a regular somewhere? Not that I can think of.

Not where everyone knew my name. Not like where the order was happening as I came in the door. What about you guys? I'm trying to remember. I'm sure there's places. When I worked at CBC, there was a coffee shop attached to CBC. And every morning, I would go and get mine. They knew order they hadn't read like before i even ordered it it was ready i followed people who work there on instagram that's fine one of them is now making pottery one of them is doing a lot of surfing

oh my god that's so nice you still you still patron their lives oh yeah sure patronize their life yeah i'm well i'm very patronizing some of the muscle memory somewhere they know what your drink is if they saw you they would know god i would and i don't i would never get a drink again what was the drink? Large latte. Too big. Too big? That's a lot of milk. Too expensive. That's a lot of milk, and now that's going for about $9.95. Oh, yeah, exactly. Your lips to God's ears. Give me the latte, hold the milk. Am I right?

Yeah, please. Can't afford it. God, I wish Air Force was still in the air. We all do. Isn't it? I'd watch an hour of that. I really would. For our American listeners, that was a sketch troupe that was a play on the Royal Canadian Air Force.

And you can extrapolate what type of show it was. Yeah. was yeah their most famous uh sketch that lasted for decades was uh something called the chicken cannon where they would just load a bunch of meat into a cannon is that right they would do things related they'd be like this the guy ross rabigliati or something they're like we put in some snow and we put in some weed oh ross for the american listeners ross also known as ross rebliati i think is how you pronounce it uh went to school with my brother oh yeah um i think from kindergarten to grade 12 uh uh was a the canadian who won the first olympic gold medal in snowboarding and then lost the medal because he tested positive for marijuana

and then was reinstated. And then also that spawned untold millions of Canadian comedians doing a joke about, well, if he won it on weed, he should get double gold. That kind of joke. Yeah. He was good then. it's great now. Yeah.

Maybe it's responsible for our nation legalizing marijuana. Yes, it was egg on our face. So they would, then they would put a picture of him up and fire it out of the cannon. They'd fire snow and weed out of the cannon. Obviously the weed, they wouldn't use real weed. They would use some kind of Oregano Some kind of green nugs Some certain

Different kind of nugs Yeah the props department was just rushing around Going for like This was a sketch show That went from radio It was on radio for maybe 20 years before it went on TV for another 20 years. Yeah.

I didn't know that. It was, I mean, I'm making up these numbers. It was super popular. People loved them. Um, it would be on the radio every Saturday after double exposure.

Yes. I love double exposure. You remember double exposure? I loved double exposure. I recently double exposure? I loved double exposure. I recently had the thought where I was like, if I could have the full-time career of one of those double exposure folks, I would be so happy to just be like mouthing things over videos. It was kind of like a political America's Funniest Home Videos, wasn't it?

Well, yeah, they did have a TV version. The television version. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, because the radio version was just a bunch of impressions of was it bob robertson robertson and linda cullen linda cullen yeah and i think they were married they were they were married oh my god that's so romantic yeah right they were the carrie russell and matthew reese of canada in 1994 they were absolutely they were the Canadians.

The Canadians. Yeah. These are the shows I watched after Rosie O'Donnell. And this is what I would, would listen to on the radio. Yeah. As I drove to and from soccer. Oh my God.

See, you say it's chaotic and then look at this yeah i know i guess i mean we do have our way don't we pythagoras himself would be so pleased i mean we're gonna have to find the hypotenuse oh yeah that's what he did. I was thinking of someone else. You were thinking of Candace Cameron. That's a totally different, wrong person,

wrong, a different Cameron, but just as religious. Yeah. The, I believe I, I used to listen to that with my, with my pops. We would listen to double exposure and then immediately,

as soon as it ended, we turned the radio off. So, so comically quick uh because we weren't we weren't an air farce household well oh we would listen to whatever i mean as soon as that was over there was murray mclaughlin was this is murray mclaughlin was swinging on a star and it was like a country like grand ole opry style radio show. Nice. This was all on CBC? We would turn that off. Yeah, that was CBC. That was where your night ended.

Yeah. Yeah. She swung you right to sleep. Oh, Murray is a man. Oh, got it. It was Murray. Murray, not Marie. Murray, yeah. oh oh got it it was murray murray not murray murray yeah and it was like they had country

live performance kind of situation yeah huh um i'd listen to that now to be honest if that was a kid in my daughter's school named murray a boy named murray not murray murray and it blows my mind that the name exists yes and also that you would name a kid murray he's gonna for sure grow up to be at a bar the way they know his order no this kid this kid's gonna this kid's gonna something's gonna happen with this kid this is a cool kid i like this kid oh that's nice you see big things for Murray. Oh, Murray. You're going to take Murray under your wing. Yeah. No, I'm not going to.

I'm never going to meet Murray. The only reason I know Murray's name is because we got the yearbook this year. Oh, cute. That is adorable. Our kids got the yearbook so they can point out who's bullying them. And the kids got their yearbooks. And we never had yearbooks in elementary school. No, me neither. But I was like, oh, let me show you kids.

I got yearbooks in high school. Let me show you. Because they got them and they just brought them home. And I was like, bring them back tomorrow and get your friends to sign them. That's what yearbooks are for. And have your friends write, hey, keep sweet. Yeah, stay sweet. Yeah, stay sweet.

Never change. I'll never forget seeing you in the school. Stay sweet. I'll show you my yearbooks. I opened up my grade A yearbooks. Oh, God. Everyone wrote a gay slur. Oh no.

It was a different time but also these were horrible. 12 year olds are horrible. 13 year olds are horrible. Here's the thing with my junior high yearbook. It must have been like the year that Pepsi hadi had this is their slogan because everybody wrote be young have fun drink pepsi everyone wrote uh-huh you got the right one

baby i feel like i've told this on this show before is that possible i haven't been on it that much but i left in my grade 12 i left in my grade 12 year old. I'm sorry, but you don't think you've been on this show very much? Sorry, sorry. You've been on three times. I just mean I've said lots of stuff in my life before. Yeah, you talk a lot of math. Only three hours of it were on this show. That's right.

That's true. About four and a half. I mean like out of the total hours of my life. Bring us along on this journey but i think it's cool if you and me started a little brawl also just on the side sure um no i left my yearbook at a red lobster and when you have not told this story and when i came back the staff had signed it and oh that's fun it was just like thanks for reading out red lobster test like sweet and um i i thought it was so i i was into irony at the time i was like just starting to

understand it and like and so i didn't get anyone else to sign the book i was like i'm gonna be the girl who's a little bit different i uh i got my yearbook signed by the red lobster staff that is you're from saskatchewan right i am where the only lobster there was at a restaurant called red lobster oh i'm we don't have lobster we don't even have red lobster here we just have you have lobster from the no we no we we don't have lobster in the pac. No, yeah. We got salmon. We got crabs. We got crabs. Okay, yeah, crabs. Well, the crabs come from Alaska, I think.

But I love lobster, and I wish we had red lobster. Yeah. Dave would go bananas every... Was it Lobster Fest? Is that what it was? Oh, yeah. All you can eat. Yes, animals feast.

I'd go to Shrimp Fest. I'd go to Shrimp Fest. I'd go to Lobster Fest. Look, I'd go ham for those Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Oh, yeah. Sure. I've never been to a Red Lobster, but I just thought of it. Dave, have we ever gone to a Red Lobster? I'm creaming my jeans over the thought of a Red Lobster.

Over those CBBs. Yeah. Cream Bay Biscuits. Yeah. over those cbbs cream bay biscuits they yeah i that is all i remember too about that trip to florida i don't remember i remember the car and i remember that the hotel we were staying at had like a cheddar bay biscuit that was off brand and honestly i didn't even need to go to the disney world if i could get enough of those biscuits do you remember even need to go to the disney world if i could get enough of those biscuits do you remember did you ever go to another disney property no that was it at six i think so oh no i went to a disneyland as a like as an adult i went to the one in la do you have uh siblings no uh i failed i failed the test i do but he's he's really young so i grew up without siblings

and then i got one when i was 23 oh sure okay he's 11 yeah okay okay that would make you 34 okay now you know yeah well you know what i'm saying woman never tells and some say they tell you through their brother's age. Look, I'm pretty good at math. I'm sort of the Pythagoras of this podcast. Okay, so that was... Was six the wrong age to go? Or do you wish you had gone at like nine? I don't have any regrets, man.

Yeah, that's a good way to live your life i'm all you were you a disney fan oh sure like i loved i love the princesses who was i to disagree with them yes it's true it'd be weird if you were like i loved pinocchio but there is some weird kid out there that loves pinocchio. Who's just like, I'm a Jiminy Cricket head. Get me in that Crickets world. I went to a diner once and one of the pictures on the wall, they had like kind of celebrity pictures. And one of them was the voice of Jiminy Cricket. So it had his headshot was him.

And then the cartoon of Jiminy Cricket in front of him. And he signed it like whatever Jiminy Cricket would front of him. And he signed it, like whatever Jiminy Cricket would say, make your wishes come true or something like that. Yeah. Do only do good, good stuff, man. But that is a,

that guy is like, it's not like he's getting recognized by the servers. No, he's probably, you're right. He probably had to hand them the headshot. By the way, I'm the voice of Jiminy Cricket. Woohoo! Or whatever.

Hacha, hacha, hacha. Skippity, dippity. Let's go become donkeys. Yeah. Get out of the whale. Just handing someone a cartoon and saying, get out of the whale. And then staring at them expectantly waiting for them to

to put it together yeah this is so sad and dark uh yeah no i think i think six was good six was good what how old are your daughters dave what did you just ask you i asked you what age your daughters were because you brought them to disneyland and ask yes guy who i've been talking to once only for the last nine and i want to say six nine and six uh nope those are your two favorite numbers uh they're five and seven five and seven um but was that do you think that's too early to have brought young poppy uh pop so i i uh tess i brought my kids to disneyland over spring break they're they're five and seven this is cute um they were a little, the rides were a little intense for them because some of them were.

They loved some of the rides, and they love Disney movies. They love princesses, but some of the rides were a bit intense. You know, Splash Mountain. Those drops were pretty severe. Yeah. Did you guys get the picture afterwards? Yeah, Margo. How is it? Splash Mountain. Those drops are pretty severe. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah.

Did you guys get the picture? Yeah. Afterwards? Yeah. Margo. How is it? Oh, she's so scared. She's so scared. And I know, I know the picture is being taken and I'm like doing my tongue sticking out

and the people in front of us are like throwing up gang signs. But Margo is, is uh she's like if she ever met like uh the the death specter she's like do you think this is when she's dying margo oh no um but do you think that then you'll owe them another trip to disneyland when they're older and more i think i think if they're like well also like if they can go on just regular rides they might just like hey girls this is we live in vancouver you can go on the roller coaster from fear yeah and final destination don't forget that this is famous this is a famous

roller coaster girls yeah let's get a picture of you come on get get the picture yeah yeah yeah they don't do pictures here because it's a crappy old wooden roller coaster but just an old man with a polaroid that was it that was it oh they didn't like they didn't like um Only Margo went on

Splash Mountain and didn't like it. And they didn't like the one that was like a God, what's it called? It's like the old train mining one. Oh, not the Matterhorn. No.

It's called like gold yeah gold gold standard yeah gold rush or something yeah maybe it's called

it's called Train to Busan and it's they went on the Snowpiercer ride and they didn't like it but they loved the Snowpiercer ride

yeah yeah they were putting a class that wasn't having a very good time yeah but I had to explain to him this is a metaphor and then they loved it yeah um yeah it's a it's a magical place it has a uh like test said you're only going to remember the car that your parents rented and the the Cheddar Bay Biscuits,

the off-brand ones at your hotel. It was Big Thunder Mountain. Big Thunder. Let me tell you, as a grown-up, it ruled. It was so fun. That's awesome. Did you guys do the haunted ride? The haunted house one?

The elevator? Is that it? I think the elevator is now an Avengers thing or something like that. No, we didn't do ride the haunted house one the elevator is it is that it i think the elevator is now an avengers thing or something like that no we didn't do anything haunted we went to like a bunch of those dark rides the like oh uh do you do et no i don't think that was there huh i think that's different what i think it was like we did like whatever the great mouse detective or Alice in Wonderland. Sure. They like on the sly, they do their own E.T. ride, even though they don't own it.

Oh, yeah. I guess it's a different part. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What kid would be excited to meet E.T. today? He's like a walking scr.T. today? Yeah. He's like a walking scrotum. He really is.

If you want to play a good icebreaker with a new group of people, get them to draw E.T. from memory. It truly works like without fail. We went to, I took my children to the new minions movie they put on little suits and they love my kids aren't on tiktok but i was like we we have to do this i'm getting you fitted for suits and before the minions movie they showed... I should say they chowed. The E.T. is being re-released in August. Oh, shit.

For the 40th anniversary. Holy shit, that's a long time. And I asked the girls, do you want to go see this? And they were like, fuck no, Dad. Fuck you, Dad, for even asking. This is bullshit. I'm getting out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know what the appeal would be. Seeing a young Drew Barrymore where, you know, where her fame all kind of started. You'd be like, you know, she interviews people on TV now and on your phone. Oh, yeah. You can see her talk to this little scrotum. Do you watch that show? I've never seen the show. Oh, okay.

I saw her do an interview over Skype, and that was the only thing I ever saw. And it was good. The only thing you ever saw. So is she trying to fill the Rosie O'Donnell space? Oh, my God. There is a viewer. I'll tell you that much for free, if that's what she's up to. Rosie O'Donnell kind of like, she tried to go the route of Oprah Winfrey

because she had her own magazine called Rosie. I remember on one of the covers that I saw at the grocery store, she had a bandaged up hand and it said, staff infection is no joke. Wow. Was she kidding?

Staff infection is no joke just kidding it's hilarious Dave what's going on with you man yeah Dave look I talked about this a couple weeks ago on the show but Graham you went away for a week week and a half or so and i uh a lot has happened since so we pre-taped a bit before then we haven't

taped since i think the 14th of june okay in the meantime new puppy has appeared at the house this is huge yeah This is huge. Yeah. This is huge. Did you ask for this puppy or did he just found his way? Okay. So here's, let me tell you about, don't gender my puppy. It's a she.

So we had a dog from 2004 to 2019, Grandpa. Grandpa. When he passed away. May he rest in peace. Yes. When he passed away, the dog that my wife wanted her whole or loved her whole childhood, teenage years was uh a staffordshire bull terrier which is like a miniature pit bull with like a gigantic head this this cute little boy yeah and girl we exactly so we when a few months after our old dog grandpa died, we got on the waiting list for this kind of dog. And it said, the breeder was like, okay, well, the waiting list is three or four years long. And so in the meantime, we got a new dog named Monster. That's right. So this wasn't, Monster wasn't that.

dog named monster that's right so this wasn't monster wasn't that monster was not that so monster came along in the meantime because we were like we're not three or four years so long yeah and then the breeder was like look a lot of people signed up for the this dog and are not coming through with it a lot of the people on the waiting list are not following through. So I think a year and a half after we signed up for this dog, they were like, hey, do you want this dog? And so we got a new dog. Nice. It's a puppy. She is, her name is Irma. Great name for a dog.

Great work. The only name for a dog in many ways. Yeah. It's so cute. It's Irma aka Irma Gerd Gersperms. Also one of the reasons we named it

Irma is because Mr. Bean's girlfriend is named Irma Gob. Irma Gob. That's right. Oh my God. That's so funny. I forgot when Mr. Bean had a girlfriend. Yeah. He had a girlfriend at a movie theater and then on Christmas.

Yeah. Who was as fucked as him. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. She was a demented. Yeah. Twist.

So her name's Irma Gob. Also Irma Goblin. We call her Irma Worm. We call her Irma Worm. We call her Irma Squirma, Scleroderma. That's amazing. Yeah. So we now have a new puppy in the house. We're a two-dog family.

They're a year apart. And they are both going to Disney World. They're both going to disney world they've earned it they won the super bowl but um since we just got a puppy last year we're fully like last year was very chaotic over here it was a lot of like okay what do we do with this dog and like every time i turned around there was more pee and poo on the floor and showing the club wait there's a club yeah there's a club for people who pee and poo on the cool um but we now we're just like in new puppy zone like tonight we've had as of this recording we've had it as of this recording,

we've had the dog for two weeks. Tonight, we believe is the first night we are going to sleep away from the dog. We're going to let the dog sleep in its cage in its little crate. And we will come and get it at five in the morning when it starts squealing. Okay. And let it out. This is,

uh, this is what you have to do, right? Even if it winds, you can't, you can't sleep training. Okay. And let it out. This is what you have to do, right? Even if it whines, you can't go and grab it. You sleep train it? Yeah. Like a puppy human or a baby. Yeah. One of humans' own dogs.

Children. But yeah, we're like I feel like we're I'm less stressed out by it now. Yeah. The constantly having to clean up, like while I'm going to clean up poo, like finding pee on the way to clean up. Yeah, some people say it's the pee you made along the way. That was the deal.

Sure. It's the journey. All pee leads to, to well some poo so we are um yeah so we're loving this new dog graham you met it i did and she's lovely she's a very friendly uh dog and monster is apprehensive at first to to dogs and people i think think. Yeah, Monster came into this world as a reject. Look into his eyes. He came into this world

during a pandemic, so he hasn't been properly socialized because there weren't enough visitors and opportunities to meet people. And Irma is really opening his eyes to the opportunity to have a best friend.

Oh, that's so cute. What are they like with each other? They're BFFs. They're... Do you ever... You know when you make out and your teeth accidentally touch? That is their whole life.

They're like making it with their teeth just like totally just ram it onto each other know it i've never had a makeup where i didn't it's truly the worst feeling it's bad yeah it like yeah it goes right to the brain worse the worst feeling uh on top of that is the person you're dating saying, no way, gross. Meanwhile, you're trying to bite their face. Yeah. Worse than that, it's when you're at the altar. You may now bite each other's.

Yeah, bite each other's little faces off. That's so cute. I bet it feels better to dogs yeah they're like not worried about it okay they seem to have different kissing there's a some kind of there's a constant wrestling happening between the two of them right that's so cute and at one point irma walked underneath a monster who was standing up. That's how tiny Irma is right now. Yeah. Irma is now half the weight of monster.

She will probably end up being double the weight of monster. And we'll see who the real monster is. Yeah, truly. That's so cute. She can walk under him like a little bridge. Yeah. It was,

they can do all kinds of Elizabethan dances together. Uh, yeah. Name one. what's your favorite Elizabethan dance I was about to say well Under the Bridge Sir LePont Foxtrot Foxtrot yes Electric Slide Under the Bridge, Soul to Squeeze

Stanky leg i always forget how much uh shakespeare used the word stanky it was in almost all of his plays at some point he invented so many words isn't that so cool it is cool he was amazing he's really the grandfather of our language and the word stanky. And the first rapper, a lot of people would say. Yeah, a lot of people would turn their chair around and say that for sure. What if you tried to do that, but there were arms on the chair so that you just had to spin it around and then spin it back to being a regular person? Or unless you were very flexible. That's true.

Let me just put my legs up on these arms. flexible that's true let me just put my legs up on these arms or if it was a stool and you got caught up on uh what was the actual turned around lest you become straight again um uh yeah so irma is already a sensation online right she's she's made her debut she's absolutely she's blood she broke the the internet with her huge ass yeah she was squirting champagne onto her huge ass and I was like where did you get that oh this is not peeing champagne

all over the floor I have two bottles of champagne at the moment you do? yeah it's time to break the internet Dave my coworkers at Kelly and Kelly whenever yeah it's time to break the internet Dave my co-workers at Kelly and Kelly whenever we finish a project

they give me a bottle of champagne and we're saving it for a boat cruise well I just I don't Abby doesn't drink it and I would I can't drink it alone I'll come drink it with you okay come over right now

yeah we'll have mimosas that's what we're gonna do with it we're gonna have this two whole bottles and we're gonna water it down with orange juice yeah otherwise you bring the verve graham's gonna go get some tropicana yeah absolutely that's my brand some five alive Um, but now monster, right. Has their own Instagram account, right? Well,

it's now a shared. Oh, it's shared. Okay. So we're not gonna, we're not opening multiple accounts for these dogs. Understood. Understood.

Do they have, uh, email addresses? Yeah, sure. They have hot mails. Uh, good.

Um, follow my dogs at monster dot and dot irma there are you happy yeah adorable it's really like the their fight their wrestling is so vocal there's just squeaking and growling. And Monster, he's chosen some kind of... He likes to be on the bottom where he can push her off with his feet. So he's a bottom. He's absolutely a power bottom. But I don't know if he knows how big... She's going to be twice his weight. Is the...

Oh, wait. You've had a post, though, right? I think I found another monster Irma. Okay, got it. What? She's looking it up right now. She's getting an old monster in Irma. Yeah, I just followed them.

What do you think? Oh, they're cute. They're so cute. Oh, Irma. Irma looks like a little piglet. She looks so soft. Yeah. Tiny. So tiny. Oh, she's got the f like a little piglet. She looks so soft. Yeah. Tiny. So tiny.

Oh, she's got the fattest little white belly. And crazy droopy skin that she hasn't grown into yet. Flaps of skin. Oh, it's adorable. Oh, that's so cute. I wish I was born with all my skin first. Oh, it's so unfair.

Just flaps and flaps. You don't get your skin until you're like 30. I know. It sucks. You don't get all your skin until you grow it or whatever. She's so cute. Congrats. Congrats.

Yeah, thanks. Do you get do like dog Do you get portraits of your dogs Or get them to put their little paw print in cement Or anything like that We have Maybe 10 professional portraits Of our old dog grandpa

I don't think we have anything of the new dog Oh my god What kind of professional portraits is he sitting in We've got one of him like in a like we went to a photo studio when he was like two years old this is so cute we've got um uh it's just like friends have done portrait like drawings of them and uh an artist we like named joan lemay did a really good kind of uh kind of a wallpaper behind him of the balls and the chicken legs that he liked with the painting of them um but we're you know obviously the whole house has to be covered in pictures of these

yeah exactly nothing of these new dogs yeah yeah, exactly. You've got nothing of these new dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they have to know who came before. Yeah, and they're probably intimidated. Yeah, it's like they moved into a mansion where there was like some old, I don't know, man who used to, some old grandpa who used to be the main mansion man.

Maybe we, because all the pictures are up at like human eye level. Maybe we need to start putting them down at dog eyes. And you need to make the little dog eyes follow you when you walk around. Yeah, sure. And we, it's got to be kind of like a dog's eye view. You need to throw a dinner party and have a murder in there. Yeah. And you got to get a little hollowed out space so

you can be the eyes in the grandpa painting and look at yes ankles i guess yeah dogs don't really perceive things with their eyes as much as their nose so maybe i need to like come up with some kind of a smell hole one thing is true we're getting you a portrait gallery of these pups. Yeah. Yeah, okay. And we're going to tend to your smell hole. Or I am not a three-time guest on this show. Yeah, well, four-time now. Oh, yeah. Congrats.

Congrats. Congrats on the lovely and cute and adorable Irma. Yeah, thank you. What's going on with you, Graham? Well, as you said, I went on a whirlwind tour. Where did I start? Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. That's right. Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

Where are you from, Tess? I'm from Regina. I guess Saskatoon's my natural rival, but you're gone for long enough and you just miss the word Saskatchewan. Exactly, yeah. And Saskatoon has a bust of Gandhi on one of its main streets. And Gordie Howe.

And Gordie Howe. And they have a double-decker bus that is permanently made into an ice cream shop. And they have, first of all, I was there to record the CBC radio program, The Debaters. Was that with Bob Robertson and Linda Cullen. That's the one right before Royal Canadian Air Force. You know it. I was asking a local where to go for like a vintage shop. I wanted to go look at vintage clothes. And a local in Saskatoon, they will answer you like, duh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They start out with duh. Their hat's always on backwards or to the side. Overalls, wrench in pocket. Yeah. What are you, new in town? Yeah. So in the conversation of where to go vintage shopping she said forget about vintage shop you gotta go to this thrift store this thrift store has all the best stuff it's where the vintage people get their stuff and uh so and you were like yeah that's what i meant

yeah yeah and i went uh i thought, oh, a walk. It was miles. On the map, it looked very small, but it was miles in the blazing sun. And I got there just soaked through my shirt and walked in. They had one tiny little rack for men's clothing, and the rest of it was all women's clothing. Oh, this lady. This lady.

It's just, it's not fair for men yeah that finally somebody's saying it it's not fair for men come on yeah give the boy a chance let's give him some let's throw him a bone so then i had to take the taxi back and the taxi driver said what is the address and i said i don't know it's right next to the double-decker bus. And he's like, yeah, I know that. That was enough of a landmark for him. So I got to see the good and the bad of Saskatoon. The Paris of the Prairies. Paris of the Prairies.

You know who originally coined that? This is a fact. Bob Dylan. Gandhi. Bob Dylan. He was the first to call it the Paris of the Prairies. And then it was made famous by the Tragically Hip.

And their song, Prairie Kings? Is that what it's called? Wheat Kings. Wheat Kings. So I went through that and then I came back for one day and then flew off to sunny Los Angeles, California. I want to hear about your one day back in Vancouver. So when I came back, I needed

to do a lot of laundry. And then I spread out all my new clean clothes on the bed. How many pairs of underwear do you have? I'm guessing off the top of my head, 16. I have 16 pairs of underwear and a pair of Kiss underwear that look more like bike

shorts. So I don't really consider them underwear. With Kiss? Like the band? Yeah, Kiss the band yeah kiss the band okay are you like keep it simple stupid i didn't know either way that's what they say at the end of all their concerts keep it simple stupid i couldn't tell you how many pairs of underwear i have because it's never never enough it's never the factor in me doing underwear. I mean, doing laundry. In MeUndies. In MeUndies. Yeah.

This episode is sponsored by. Yeah. So, yeah, I packed. And then. You packed. You went back to. You went for a vacation this time, not work. I went for a vacation.

No working. No busman's holiday. This was a real deal. Just going to hang out. And I had so much fun. I love it there. I want to move there. It's sunny every day, which usually I think that I would hate.

But it turns out I quite like it. And I went and saw the building that Selling Sunset has their crew in on Plattet Boulevard. The Oppenheimer Group? The Oppenheimer Group. They would be very. Oh, excuse me. I've never seen it. Well...

Pretty good of me to even get close. So we saw that. I went to Musso and Frank's. Did you go in? Yeah. Who are they? Musso and Frank's is a very, very old restaurant that, you know, Humphrey Bogart would have frequented. Oh, cool.

And everybody wears uh kind of like red classic red vests and what's their vegetarian menu nothing that's what i could have so i was like i'll get a drink and even in all the tourist guides it's like when you go to this place order a drink do not order the food the food is horrible the food is like 50 years ago at the is that like the one of the first scenes in once upon a time in hollywood is that there that probably is there yeah it's very like very exactly what you would picture an old school like big leather kind of uh chairs and like you can tell a lot of people it was a tourist trap

it's nobody makes their muso and Frank's their regular that they go to. Have you guys ever been to Ray and Jerry's in Winnipeg? No. I feel like maybe. Oh, it's like a steakhouse that just hasn't been touched since like 1957. It's a it's an impeccable restaurant experience. It's so fun. I love that.

It's I feel like I'm picturing ran jerry's when you talk about this is exactly franks and they make this is the thing in the states that i only learned about on this trip uh their pores at the bar are so huge they're so unconcerned about how much alcohol they serve you like when you get a the carl's junior logo of pores it's like just dripping off becoming a shapely woman yeah it's like like in canada if you get a double that's just like maybe a quarter of the of the glass maybe a little more and then ice this is they could barely even fit ice in for how much they poured off of this crazy uh whiskey i like just a double double whiskey whatever the well whiskey is and a lot of ice i like a lot of ice with my whiskey and that's but you know i could have got like a manhattan but it was like

you know worked out to probably like 29 canadian sure um so i know you, you take a whiskey drink, you take a lager drink. And guess what else I do? A lager drink and a cider drink. There you go.

And then what do you sing? I sing the songs that remind me of the good times and the songs that remind me of the bad times. Oh, wait, when she sings

Don't Cry For Me Next Door Neighbor, is she, is that because they couldn't, they didn't want to pay for argentina yes what else has four syllables that's true next door neighbor what do you think they uh were like the rejects when they were writing that song shop at walmart yeah uh nathan fielder

i can't think of any uh baker's dozen these are good these are good they're just four sounds um so yeah i went there too many tales to tell in a compact i'll be mining this for

for another week because sure i'm so little goes on you know um uh but uh oh and i have my overheards from there it's guys it was a trip to to the is a dream dream trip did you go um what do people do in los angeles geez did you freaking drive do you drive around nope oops did you freaking see how big your hands were compared to john wayne's yeah or uh burt reynolds tiny little hands those guys big big personalities but uh tiny tiny little no one's saying anything about their personalities, okay? Lay off us. Their hands, you've got to wonder. But the one visual was this trip happened just a couple days after Roe vs. Wade was overturned.

So there was... You were excited about that. Yeah, I threw my hand in the air, shot it a bunch of times. Um, the, it had just happened. So there were huge protests in LA.

Yeah. And I just kind of got swept up in one. And there's like these intersections in LA where you can cross any which way. So that it was very disorienting. So all this is going on craziness and then uh just like a guy dressed like freddy krueger is somehow caught in the mix he doesn't know what's what it's for he has no idea what's going on but uh he was swept away in it so it's myself and freddy krueger he's a good one to have on your side. Absolutely. You do not want to be. Yeah. Freddy Krueger's an ally.

Yeah, that's good. Freddy Krueger's totally an ally. Famously. How long were you there for? I was there for a whole week. That's great. Yeah. And that's enough time that you don't have to rush.

You know, you get to see a little bit each day. Tons of fun. Yeah. Tons of fun. Got to hang out with Maximum Fun's head dude, Mr. Jesse Thorne. We hung out while we were in LA. Went to a flea market together. That was excellent fun.

Oh, he loves it there. That's his natural habitat. He loves it. But do you guys reckon that it's time to do some overheards? Not before a bit of business. Damn it. Shit. All right Damn it. Shit. All right, everybody.

Hi, this is Graham from Graham and Dave. Hi, this is Graham's friend Dave from Shrek podcasting yourself. Yes, correct. And we're the hosts and we're going to do a Jumbotron. Yeah, sometimes people want to send in something. We get to read it on the air, and it can be personal. It could be business to business. It can be jungle to jungle.

I don't know about that, Dave. But this is a Jumbotron for several questions podcast. Listen to several questions podcast wherever you want to. Have you run out of things to occupy your minuscule mind? The several questions podcast is for you. Here's the deal. Nate, Finn, and Johnny found a machine in the woods called the Questionator 5000 that generates silly questions. Each week they go around one by one and answer the machine's questions.

Here's one for Dave and Graham, but imagine it in a robot voice. If you were a tree, what kind of furniture would you most like to be made into? Listen to several questions whenever you want. What? So what furniture would I be made into? Yeah, what would be your ideal? Yeah, that's easy. Dartboard.

would i be made into yeah what would be your ideal yeah that's easy dartboard uh for me it's a be a fine uh rocking chair that i could uh i could caress somebody's bottom for the rest of my existence oh okay yeah cool um uh they found a machine in the woods you know all i ever find old playboys yeah and my neighborhood was a bit smarter we'd find old national geographics but oh yeah yeah but just as many boobs yes yes exactly yeah my neighborhood is actually really smart we find old new yorkers and economists and utney readers and friggin nova magazine was Was it Nova? Nova was the show. Nova was the show. Yeah.

What was the space science magazine for smartos? Scientific America. Okay. No, I'm thinking of a boy's life. In addition to that, we also have, uh,

we have another jumbotron. This one, personal one. Okay. This one goes out For John From Kathy According to sunsigns.org Angels use the number 35 To let you know that

Positive change is about to Take place in your life According to Ariana Grande Adding 34 and 35 equals 69. Nice. Happy 35th birthday to a brother and friend. I am very lucky to have. Brother for the sun signs.

Friend for the 69ing. Yeah I was just going to say. Why did you tie up 69ing in this message to your brother. Happy 35th birthday to a brother and friend. I am very lucky to have and proof that sometimes a and w stands for a good person named both john and wisneski nice nice so tight tight tight tight yeah yeah that was really well written um boy but that ariana garand's around Grande song Come on

Yeah it rolls It rolls it slaps I've been drinking coffee And I've been eating healthy So I'm ready to 69 Now guys if you want an overheard We're Jumbotron No no no don't correct me sir

If you want an overheard then just keep listening And if you want a Jumbotron Go to to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Hi, I'm Janet Varney. And just like you, I survived high school. And we're not alone. On my podcast, The JV Club, I invite some of my friends to share the highs and lows of their teen years. Like moments with Aisha Tyler. But when you're a kid, the stakes are just pretty low.

Go to school, try not to get in trouble, get laid. Jamila Jamil. I watched television probably every waking hour during that time when I was shit-faced on medicine. And Dave Holmes. We talked and talked, and then everybody left. It was just us two, and I was like, I love you. Learn how you too can be a functioning adult after the drama and heartbreak of high school.

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Overheard. Overheards. When you're out there in the big wide world under the big blue sky, you hear something, see something, and even if you touch something weird, we want to hear about it. But not if you taste something.

No, no, no. Lots of taste for 20 minutes. And we're sensitive about that. So we don't want to, yeah, we don't want to bring that back up. And we always like to start with the guest uh test do you have a fabulous overheard for us i mean i have not been out in the world for a few days when i thought i would be gathering overheard right sure so i can

combine maybe two sounds good when i was working in the restaurant last week i got a table of grade eights grade eight kids oh damn how what's a table how many like seven seven grade eights and they're so excited to be at a restaurant by themselves so excited it was like the equivalent it was like precious moments dolls like they were like it felt like i could see that they were wearing high heels that were like two sizes too big yes you know like a big like blossom style like it just they were putting on being adults it was so cute so they're finishing middle school yeah or i don't know what the grades are like in ontario i don't know either because honestly none of my business uh we did k to 8 and then we did

9 to 12 so they could have just finished weird elementary we did K to 7 and then 8 to 12 and Graham you did

K to 6 junior high or K to 5 and then 6, 7, 8 and then 7, 8, 9 and then 10, 11, 12 oh

um and I think in Ontario they have junior high because of Degrassi that's the uh yeah they have degrassi rules there yeah that's right a little bit pregnant a little bit getting their period yeah also getting beat up yeah everyone has a little bit of aids yeah we all belong to the zit remedy uh test you've painted a brilliant picture so far oh yeah a bunch of

eight-year-old kids great eights no not eight-year-old great yeah so and they were just very like asking questions in a very adult way like um when i order this does it come with the fries or is it okay like they were kind of doing that does it come with the rice or is it okay yeah or is it a salad option um like they were kind of like that but anyway at one point i walked past their table and all i heard was one of the one of the boys was really trying to be heard by the rest of the group saying no no it's a matter of population density which i just thought was so i was like they're doing the whole cosplay they are doing adults at lunch it was extremely cute oh yeah it's a it is a matter of population density honestly most things are yeah yeah honestly then they talked about low yield bonds for the rest of

the year and then nobody tipped me oh shit of course oh yeah you got to assume that they're sure they're going to the penny of what they can spend it's extremely cute i'm bringing them their change and they're just like just watching them count it out and put it in their pocket and i was like yeah they kind of if i was their age i'd be saving it up for a cheryl blossom or something yeah oh sure uh what did they eat was there just a bunch of different things we get one big fry yeah we get fried it was it was a lot of burgers and fries and then one girl who who i think got like a cheeseburger i feel like this is like patient this is like server customer confidentiality or

something why do i feel like this she ordered a cheeseburger and was just so i don't know she just seemed so shy about the whole experience like i think it most of it ended up being being boxed up it was really sweet i know i was like i i don't know if she i don't know if she had braces or if i invented that to kind of complete the picture right sure but i was just like she was just like i'm gonna eat this i'll eat this later it is weird because like i my kids um there's a kid's menu kind of like holy trinity of macaroni and cheese chicken grilled cheese or grilled cheese or quesadilla and chicken fingers yeah those are the but a cheeseburger is like maybe a little bit advanced like it is sort of i wonder if there is a kind of like i'm a grown-up now i can eat. Yeah. Yeah. A piece of broccoli. Yeah, totally.

I'm going to try getting the Greek salad. And then you're like, oh, I wish I got chicken fingers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would have. That's what I would have done. I would have ordered what I thought was the fanciest thing on the menu.

Yeah. Fettuccine Alfredo, please. Yeah. Steak tartare. Yes, I will have that. Fettuccine Alfredo is really just grown-up mac and cheese. Yeah. Oh, for sure. The noodle's just longer because you are.

Yes. Ah, yes. The noodle went through some growing pains. Yeah, exactly. Dave, do you have an overheard? Tess, did you have two? Well, I was just going to link another one. I had a conversation with my brother,

and so this was something he just said to me that I thought was really funny and kind of in the vein of those kids. He had taken a lot of art down off of his walls in his bedroom. And I was like, how does that feel to have like, you know, a more minimalist thing going on? And he was like, I don't know. I'm kind of just keeping it classic. Nice. And it killed me. My brother's got classic walls.

Classic walls. Keeping it classic. Kids are cooler today than they used to be, I think. How old is he? He's 11. Love it. Yeah, pretty sweet. He'll be ordering cheeseburgers and not tipping.

Yeah. Cheeseburgers for the table. Nothing for you yeah can we get another round of you're not getting a tip um dave do you have an overheard mine is thus uh i was walking the dog the other day and there was like a 30 year old guy a car had pulled up to the curb and a 30 year old guy this is just in an like a residential neighborhood houses and a 30 year old guy had come out and he was getting in the back seat uh and then i heard and i saw a bunch of like liquid spraying and he was like stop it stop it and i was like it like is there someone in the car with like uh some kind of motorized like water gun and then the closer i got to it i saw that the dad his dad

like a 60 year old man behind the steering wheel uh did it again i heard and he uh he was pushing the like uh sprayer for the windshield yes so that was his move it's like when someone gets in my car i spray them with the windshield wiper fluid yeah it's like a like how um like a spider would react or something like that yeah your sound just reminded me of Bart and Lisa when they're like, and we're the only ones in the family. Special rings. Woo. Yeah.

Oh, man. I'm so good at sounds. Yeah. That's true. You're a man of a million sounds. I'm like Michael Winslow. Give me a sound. Man walking upstairs.

Oh, geez. Pretty good. good whoa that was good um what floor are you on tess me currently yeah yeah ground nice much like the beef round of beef for the table please yeah yeah um my overheard is something that i i was engaged in this was a back and forth between myself and a woman who owned a shop uh i walked past the shop it had the most beautiful looking suit jackets i've ever seen what's this what city is this this is in los angeles this is in los angeles california This is on Sunset Boulevard. This is heading east on Sunset Boulevard. Headline Boulevard. Yeah, exactly.

I see these beautiful suits in a window. They're all tuxedos, but are very fancy. One is that material where if you look at it, different sides of it, it turns different colors. Oh, yeah, hologram fabric. Hologram fabric hologram fabric exactly so i went into the store because i had to see you know what was in there and it was this one you know one woman running the store she's been running it forever and uh we're i was talking to her and she uh i said boy this must be a busy time of year for you, you know, with grads. And she's like, yeah, grads, Grammy, Emmy, Oscar.

So the old bumpkin here. And then I said, she's like, well, you're from Canada. Your money must be worth so much. I was like, our money sucks. And then she said, our money sucks. So that was the back and forth. Our money sucks. How dare you say that to a suit maker oh my god that's

like that's like from schitt's creek that's amazing oh anyway she yeah she gave me the the customer service of lifetime i wish i could have tipped her yeah oh boy please may i tip you ma'am did she ever understand about her money no yeah i said well sell me a suit in canadian dollars yeah send me a canadian tuxedo yeah i'm like desperate i'm like people they need to understand the coffees are so expensive there that i'm in shock every time the pill arrives. Yes. I see my visa statement and pass out. Yeah, you make the awooga sound and then your bow tie spins around. Yeah, dads and grads and Emmys and Tonys and Oscars. I guess they don't have Tonys there.

She would ship out, I'm sure, if they needed one, a special one, she'd ship it out. Was this just like a mom and pop place? I think just a mom place. I think she's the sole proprietor. What happened to pop? Oh, it's better not talk about it. Gets pretty grisly pretty quick. But like, I don't think of, you know, Grammys and Emmys and Oscars going to these kinds of places.

They do go to Armani. Yeah, but maybe it's the mommy. Yeah, right. Armani sucks. Like, you bring in a thing, she'll tailor for you and stuff like that. Oh, sure. Are you calling her a liar? If I was in Los Angeles and I was a tailor, I'd call my store Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

You think you'd get a lot of biz? Probably you'd get some. Of course, yeah. Some walk-in traffic. From my generation. What about, like, Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift? Oh,'s your story really good Nashville thanks you're a fast

Taylor yeah you do it quickly Taylor Swift that's pretty good now we have overheard sent into us from all over the map I just need to open a series of Taylor shops let me just open IMDB and look up the most famous taylor who's taylor lautner yeah taylor lautner i think you're not going to do better than taylor swift

tb taylor lautner dated taylor swift really yeah everyone must have been going nuts of course um i would open a tailor shop called Anya Taylor Joy for the Queen's Gambit. There you go. That's good. We would mostly make you know, things that queens and kings and bishops would wear.

A lot of robes. Robes, rooks, spaniels. Okay, go ahead. Okay. Are you sure? No more Taylor talk? Elizabeth Taylor.

There you go. There it is. This has been Taylor. This has been Taylor talk. Thank you for joining us. This first one. Taylor kitsch. It's like Taylor Swift, but it's like kitschy stuff.

I refuse to start the next sentence because i know there's another taylor coming i will not be caught off guard i don't know that there is all right i'm not gonna start i know this now you're setting me up for a fall here then i'm gonna start talking go taylor or something graham come on now we have a little bit tay Taylor would be funny oh that was the best one too thank god yeah cause he would like everything would be you know drilled you would set a sewing cloth together you just drill them

and I'm just a fan yeah now we have overheard sent into us by people all over the world if you want to send one to us send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Paul in Burlington, Vermont. I was shopping at Trader Joe's not too long ago.

While at the frozen produce section, I overheard a young goth woman talking to someone on a Bluetooth headset, the one-ear variety like a business jerk might wear. She kept saying, no, no, no. Ugh, no. I'm in an increasingly exasperated tone then after a long pause she explained look i'm just not in the headspace to be a vampire right

now so i understand wow it's daytime you're definitely on the wrong side let me get some sleep yeah the the one ear bluetooth earpiece has really disappeared, hasn't it? Yeah. Now that people can just order headphones on DoorDash. Dear DoorDash. Dear DoorDash. Dear Johnny DoorDash. Please bring the headphone.

It's me, Margaret. I said I was going to do a podcast. I said I was going to do a podcast. I wonder what that was about. Maybe they were going to do some, what's that called? When you dress up cosplay. I like to think it was something like the craft where they were all getting together to do some vampire stuff.

Or it was like, Hey, I got all this blood drink. Drink it. like, hey, I got all this blood. Drink it. It's going to go to waste if you don't drink it. Yeah, I dare you to drink it. Chug this blood. I couldn't even have a shot of blood. No, they do big pours in America.

Lots and lots of blood. Oh, sure. I maybe could have like a mixed drink. If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face. Yeah. Yes. Blood. they need to give maybe if it's like yeah if they mix it with like lemon juice sure i'll have some yeah sure why not try a bit well you should talk to this girl she wasn't having any um well i'm never gonna talk to her i hate to break it to your test

we're in a fight. Me and this girl, we're never going to get along. This next one comes from Anna B. From New Westminster. Anna B. Anna B. Okay. I love the first name, Anna B.

Anna B, that's nice. That could be, yeah. Where is that from? It's from a podcast that i listen to it's a it's a composite of anna and the maccabees yes yes finally finally it's all coming together in a perfect like a little bit huckabees maccabees dirty knees look at these that kind of thing um so anna b from new westminster uh i was at a vintage fair craft fair a couple years ago i bought some wooden foot shaped things called sock blockers you guys know sock blockers no this is this is something you put your knitting on to make sure that uh to kind of expand it to the size of a foot so that it's

to make sure your socks won't have sex tonight oh yes yes that's you know that's good thank you carry on um i was walking around and a woman came up to me and asked what they were for i explained use them to stretch socks into the right shape after knitting them i knit a lot of socks she nodded and then shoulder or shouted back to her friend and said it's not a foot fetish she's a knitter so yeah i mean what would a foot you know foot fetishists they can go to craft fairs too of course they can they're they walk among us and they love to do it yeah they love the walking part i'm i googled these sock blockers they're two-dimensional i was picturing like uh like a shoe tree oh what are they they're like just the shape of a sock and

wood shoe trees do you own a shoe tree oh i own many shoe trees do you yeah test do you own any shoe trees i think no never heard of it i think i was picturing those old things that used to measure your foot oh the brannock device brannock device nice mr brannock i was gonna say glockenheim device but brannock is correct yeah the feeling of it like sliding the little silver thing sliding past i hated it kind of cold hated it as a kid but now i feel like i would love it i would feel like oh there i you're taking care of me yeah go into any foot store uh foot store not shoe store foot store it's all things the

four feet uh ranging from stilts to shoes we're're a foot store. We got toenail polish. We got everything you need. Yeah, it's Legs Beautiful's conglomerate corporation. Foot Beautiful. This last one comes from Brianna in Armstrong, BC. I was sitting outside of an automotive

shop across from the A&W the other day when I overheard a boy say to his grandmother, I wonder what A&W stands for. Dave, do you have any idea what A&W the other day when I overheard a boy say to his grandmother, I wonder what A&W stands for. Dave, do you have any idea what A&W stands for? I mean, I would like to figure out the end of this. The overheard first, maybe. Or do you need me to do it now? I need you to do it.

Okay. But using my power of deduction. Yes, yes. I would assume that A&W stands for A, maybe it's like hamburgers yeah and w whoopier he did it because brianna says before i could chime in with hamburgers and woot beer his grandma says albert and walter the best part was that the grandma had totally given her grandson a bullshit answer without skipping a beat yeah who is it who are they it's hamburgers and whoop beer yeah i don't know if you're listening to hamburgers and whoop don't look it up we i'm calling ryan beal right now he's got the inside track yeah he does they'll tell him what it really means

and w oh she's looking it up we're gonna blame you if you say the right answer okay i'm also horrible at finding anything online uh and w means you know what it was the last cause oh you're just gonna find their new means burger yeah yeah yeah it's been means tested I hear and kid approved yeah in addition to what has been written and we also accept

your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham and whatever wonderful guests you have this week. Uh,

this is Tim in Indiana. I had to call you because I was driving for work today and stopped at a stoplight behind a car with a license plate that said nuke ET. So, uh, yeah, thanks. I love the show. have a good day oh shit

that's a real call to arms yeah it really is this is like overkill yeah yeah exactly you could just kill him with a bullet surely but you could just remind yourself he's fictional and then boom he's gone or keep him in that that whatever thing that made him turn white. Yeah. Yeah. In that hyperbolic chamber. And then how did he turn back to normal color? Did they feed him something?

I think they gave him a makeover. They were like, from geek to chic. Take your look from day to night. Yeah. From hyperbolic chamber to uh pink again yeah you're too terrestrial and not extra enough he always was a little extra yeah next phone call hi graham hi guest this is Dave come on I'm overseeing that actually seen in Montreal I was

driving down the street and saw this big old sign with written on it I need cash to buy cocaine and the guy holding it was wearing a devil kind of horny thing on his head and a big old

tail. So, yeah, I thought that was a creative way to ask for my money. Oh, yeah. Bye-bye. That guy sounds pretty cool. He had a devil horny thing on his head. Yeah. You need a lot of cash for that, too. That's true.

What is the going rate of cocaine these days? In America, they do a crazy amount of you know they ask for one bump and then you get a big pour yeah they do a big pour they do a big pour but we they've also got their dollar in you know what and i i will say this i've never done cocaine and i don't know what a bump is. There you go. Those are two things that I cannot speak to. I also don't know what a difference between a drag and a puff is with cigarettes. Right. Sure.

Are they the same thing? Or is a drag three puffs? I think a drag is one. And what was the other one? Puff? A puff? I don't know. I think one's if you inhale.

Graham, you're our resident smoker. I like, yeah. We would say drag. When people would ask you for some of your cigarette, how many puffs would they do? A bit. Can I have a bit? Can I suck on that?

I think generally if it's somebody that you're born, you're just supposed to go one. You're supposed to do one drag and then give it back and so a bump is a bump as is a bump different than a line let's see that's what i don't know i don't uh oh yeah i just know that i'd be basing it off of like cinema yeah yeah but everyone i know in cinema dies From cocaine They all say hello to my little friend And that's that Anyway Anyone out there On cocaine right now

Listening to the podcast At one and a half times speed We want to hear from you And I'm sure you've got a lot to say Just 1-844-779-7631 Just call us and let us know That you're on cocaine I may not get to your calls

This week we got a lot of Unlistened ones but you know In two or three weeks Tell us stuff you're inventing Tell us your thoughts on jazz Should we start a project together What's the best guitar solo Dave what is the best guitar solo on jazz yeah yeah should we start a project together these yeah what do you like yeah what's the best guitar solo dave what is the best guitar solo you're oh it's a hotel california nice

because it's it's not a solo it's like two or three guitars at the same time oh cool it's but it's played like a solo like it's yeah i mean sure yeah they get the guitars are the centerpiece and then they kind of harmonize with each other. That's pretty cool. I would have said November Rain. He knows music. You would have gone November Rain? Yeah, that's not wrong either.

I think there's three solos in November Rain. Yeah. What about Crazy on You? Crazy on You is good, too. Cinnamon Girl is, of course, the famous song that's a one-note solo. Oh, yeah, right. Very cool. Yeah.

There are so many good solos out there. We should do... On solo. I think we've got to do a bonus episode on our favorite guitar solos. Yes, I agree. I agree to your terms. Okay, next phone call. Final phone call.

Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Jackie in Chicago with an overheard I was walking down the street and saw an odd like old hippie guy on his bike

talking on his bluetooth very loudly to a friend and as he went by I heard him declare if they banned me from rock and roll

I banned myself from life. And I don't know what that meant. I really hope he's okay. But yeah. Anyway, have a fabulous day. Bye! Thanks. I think

that guy is threatening suicide. That's what it sounds like they can't ban you from rock and roll that's true rock and roll lives right here for the listeners she pointed at her crotch rock and roll is a

rebel's medium so they can try to ban you but they can't do it because they'll just awaken the rebel and he's got them cornered Rock and roll is a rebel's medium, so they can try to ban you, but they can't do it. That's right. Because they'll just awaken the rebel. And he's got them cornered because he's like, if you ban me, I ban you. So, Rock doesn't want to be banned from anybody. Rock wants to be cool with everyone, right? No, let's hear it for Rock.

Do you think this guy was kicked out of the Hard Rock Cafe? Sure. He's actually the guy who drove his car into the Hard Rock Cafe. Sure. He's actually the guy who drove his car into the Hard Rock Cafe. He flew it right in. He flew it right in. The freaking tail fins are sticking out.

Yeah. Maybe the wheel's still spinning around. Oh, boy. You try to ban me? Good luck getting my car out of your restaurant. Well, I think that brings us to the end of this episode. It better. Tess, thank you so much. Thanks so much for having me a fourth time.

Oh, are you kidding me? Anytime. It's great to have you on the show. We love you here. We're glad that you seem to be on the upswing from your COVID diagnosis. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you for bringing me back into society you're welcome we don't hold ourselves responsible for what you do

now that you're in society but you're welcome that we brought you back okay she's getting out of control wow that's a cool choice thank you for being our guest. Thank you out there for listening. If you live somewhere where the weather's nice,

go outside for a bit. Go for a walk. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.