Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 749 - Dan Werb

Episode Date: July 26, 2022

Author/scientist/musician Dan Werb returns to talk coronaviruses, microwave power settings, and a frozen pizza update.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 749 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is Dave, who I'm seeing from a new angle now, Mr. Dave Shumkin. Yeah, we had a little technical difficulty in the last episode. It's Dan month here where all our guests are named Dan. named dan and um yeah i had to switch computers and it's not looking good for the old computerino over there yeah we might have to do a little bit of uh oh look all my funeral yeah i mean i have to do a computer funeral um and it's boy it's to be bad. Do you bring all the relatives?

Like the CD-ROM accessory that you plug in? Well, it's tough because the computer that we're talking about is still alive right now and is listening. It's listening to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show some goddamn respect. Has it not agreed to the medically assisted suicide? has it not agreed to the the medically assisted suicide look um it can't really afford to be replaced at the moment i don't know if you guys have seen the economy uh but the this i mean i'm gonna do everything i can to keep this computer alive but

this funeral i can't i can't even afford a computer all me i'm doing i'm doing very well in this economy because i take old computers and i let people smash them in one of those ramp one of those angry rooms yeah yeah yeah i mean that voice that you heard oh god are hearing that voice That voice belongs to a repeat visitor here to the podcast. Musician, scientist, friend of Dave in high school. He has a book called The Invisible Siege. It's Dan Werb, everyone. Hello and happy death of July, guys. Yeah, it's Dan month here.

Who else are we going to have on, Dave? What other Dan? I don'tave what other dan i don't i don't fuck those dance is what i'm saying um the we're having dan fielding from uh night court yes dan fielding yeah we're having dandruff uh and connor from uh rosanna i've got dan dan akroyd is going to be on later okay all right we've got i've got dandelions so i'm just like a lead-in basically no you're the you're the second actually our last dan of the month that sounds good last week we had dan burn fuck well he's of all the dans you listed of dance of dance month yeah i would I would, I would put them at the top.

People remember, remember the dance of November. Yeah. Um, should we get to know us? You guys let's, let's dance. I told you I was watching.

I started rewatching the last dance, the last with Michael Jordan and Chicago Wolf. I told you I was watching, I started re-watching The Last Stamp. The Last Stamp with Michael Jordan and the Chicago Wolves. Dan, it has been a minute since we had you on the podcast. Where are you? You're in Toronto, Ontario. I'm in Toronto. I'm in the high floor and just sweating it out right now. you're not you're without air conditioning uh i got these like wall units but they're only they're only in like rooms that nobody goes into

so right yeah yeah great design so yeah we don't turn them on because why would we great design so yeah we don't turn them on because why would we so i just kind of i just saw i just sop away yeah i'm sopping over here too and i'm sitting on a chair that's uh kind of plasticky so my legs are really really uh fusing together with this chair graham can i clarify something with you you may you said that i was a friend of dave's from high school yeah this is that is great i have beef with this as well and so i just was not friends in high school no i feel like dave's beef is going to be different than mine but you go ahead with your beef my beef is i mean if somebody asked me if i was friends with graham i'd be like yeah i'm friends with graham but i just i just felt like there was no relational like you did not lay out our friendship trajectory ours yeah you and me oh yeah don't even look at dave right now

the angle is off anyway what i said you guys i'm gonna turn my camera off off uh good he did it too he did a bit to the bit um he maybe also turned his bike off he may not be there i'm not sure um no our relationship is uh is found not just in the podcast world but in the physical world we know each other so if you guys i'm back if you were going to introduce if you're if i was going to introduce you if i was going to introduce dan i would be like a musician author scientist uh friend of graham's from 2005 to present to 2021 and then it's been a real hard year basically yeah me and dave's friendship like it was like 1985 to 87 88 to 91 or 92 then 94 to 97 yeah then there was a big chunk of nothing and then and then it was just the gram years as far as i'm concerned now here's what i i would actually character characterize our friendship as like elementary school best

years of my life i yeah i wouldn't disagree uh at one point you had two girlfriends at the same time in elementary school i actually this you're this is misinformation no it's not this is uh okay oh i'm holding up three fingers thrice he was dating mike and he wants us to smell all three okay um so uh but dan and i were friends in elementary school. We never, we never officially stopped being friends. And I think what, but I, we went to different high schools and I did not see him and I never picked up the phone. I would love to hear a little bit about your elementary school relationship before we plow through all the Dan and Dave years.

Surely we'd covered this. No way, Jose. Maybe not. How would you characterize our friendship in elementary school uh we were uh dave was a a real scrappy scrappy guy oh yeah to tell zingers um yeah that track but i mean i i feel like a lot of my memories of me and Dave's elementary school friendship is based around sleepover parties. Yeah, we did sleepover in the late elementary years. We did a lot of sleepovers.

I was also. Yeah, go ahead. Well, my memories of those sleepovers were that they were super fun, but everybody always wanted to watch scary movies. And I was a total scaredy cat and i would just not sleep yeah the rest of us love to sleep through this scary movie we we watched a scary movie and then everyone fell asleep except for me because i was too scared and i kept poking al mccray over and over and over again just to keep him awake and he was like pleading with me to stop but i was so scared to be alone so that's that's good that's a good friendship

memory for me yeah yeah we watched i remember we we always tried to get a scary movie and a booby movie yeah what scary movies did you guys watch can Can you remember? We watched Jason movies for sure. Some of the Jasons. And like, Snapdragon. I've never even heard of that. I don't know. Pamela Anderson.

You don't remember them? I remember us watching things more along the lines of a ski school. Yeah. Well, my mom was always a mom that would like not let me watch anything violent, but was fully on board with anything sex related. Oh,

that's fun. So it was always like luck of the draw. Like if she was the one taking us to Dunbar video, we would, we would splururge splurge in this context sounds so gross dave was dunbar video your home video store yeah dunbar video was pretty much it um before blockbuster and then there was also uh crazy mics on broadway dunbar did have a uh adult section that i never went in yes never well you'll never be able to write that wrong that's uh that's opportunities gone forever uh i assume unless it's a freestanding well unless there's like some uh some bumpers out there that want to write some

Dave Shumka fanfiction. Like, Childhood Dave Shumka Gets Lucky Renting Adult Videos. This seems like it might be a crime to write that. I mean, what? If they don't use your name, Dave.

No, I don't mean that. i don't mean it could be any child trying to buy porno yeah i don't think that's what we should be writing about uh culturally i see it as a gritty procedural you know like it's just about the mechanics of getting in there and and doing the purchase do you remember that uh the same group of friends uh who would do these sleepovers we also would write comics yeah oh shit are you guys serious this is amazing this is amazing i want to hear everything they were sadistic comics is what we called them and they were all very violent and they were about i think there was a character named crazy monkey who had a chainsaw maybe yeah this all rings a bell do you have them no i feel like they might be in my parents basement they're so violent your mom won't let you go see them yeah exactly your mom would would walk in on you writing them and you're like no they're having sex

mom they're not killing each other that's not a chainsaw that's a spiky penis oh man that's great was this a serial comic or was this a one off or issues what we were looking at here, comic-wise? I don't think we went through

a full Marvel arc. We didn't have a full run. Okay, yeah. These were one-offs? Yeah, just for comic book day. Yeah, sure. Comic book day, 7-Eleven

day, record store day. did you guys do cover art was there ever like a i don't know i don't i think there was just like here's what i like we would show each other what we did on our lunch hour yeah yeah i think it only lasted a few weeks i remember having a friend my friend adam would make me draw chucky comics with him i did not i was not a fan of chucky he scared me but uh i would have to work with him on his chucky comics what was your job storyteller inker was it scary for you or did it help you work through your fears the comics weren't scary they were quite funny but the i think chucky's probably quite funny chucky is funny if you go

if you watch it now it's hilarious because he always kills somebody with the zingers that's his big uh he's kind of like freddy krueger like that zingers um i've never watched any chucky they're funny they're funny now like they're funnier than uh than they are scary but as a kid just try telling that to tiny graham he was terrified and chucky like almost the same size as tiny graham exactly be eye to eye with this fucker was he a my buddy doll was he based on those yeah he was based on those it was what was the character the name was called like it was something like my buddy like the perfect pal or something like that and there's a guy a murderer who's on the lamb he runs into uh into a toy shop he does some kind of incantation and his body his

spirit transfers into the nearest body which happens to be this doll perfect just perfect yeah same thing happened to my friend um the uh so daniel uh dave david so those were those years but i think what has i think what makes daniel such a good friend is he's one of the people who gets uh me and the fact that uh just because i don't ever you know reach out doesn't mean i don't i don't think we're best friends oh dave i i feel like i have exact i know exactly where our friendship is oh oh i hmm that sounds a little arch no it's good yeah i think we're good we found balance day by in a hopeless place it's wonderful um now daniel uh when you were last on the show yeah it's it's been a real journey with you because when you

were first on the show you were a young up-and-coming musician yeah it was pre-grammys it was uh pre uh you know you uh getting consumed by the press and yeah this was behind the music i'm sorry i really thought that you meant pre-grammys that was a call back to the pre-gram years of my friendship with you oh yeah yeah well we can call those the pre-grammys that's cute i like that and now i'm in my grammys like i'm just in my grammy years yeah um yeah what was tell us if people who haven't heard that episode tell us what what was your music career who were you what were you doing uh well i was uh i was in a band called woodhands i was touring a lot i was like screamy synth guy along with the drummer you were just like tearing up those uh 88 keys yeah yeah just like uh uh lang lang

we couldn't think of any other classical musicians the other day on the podcast we got yo-yo ma and that was it i was about to say the piano playing yo-yo ma but i was like i could do better um the uh what's your on the keyboard what's your favorite key oh i like c because everything's so easy when you start on c yeah um when you were touring was this hard living touring like uh like you might see in a movie or something like that it was no well what what do you mean like hard living like a bunch of like drugs and no like sleeping on floors and yeah drinking and having to travel hung over the next day and yeah going from port to port but that wasn't like that wasn't like hard living that was just kind of fun it was the dream yeah that was the dream yeah but

like if you were doing it now you'd be like fuck that was some it's only that i was in my 20s that i survived i think the floor thing you know what if you have a kid i feel like my level of like self-respect has gone so down i feel like weirdly i'm back to like having a baby and toddler you get back to like i will do the things that i did on tour like i will do things so tired i will sleep on the ground for no fucking reason like if that's what is required of me you'll go out on a bender you and your baby all right do you ever uh are you ever poking your child to like hey stay awake i'm too scared to sleep i'm so scared yeah yeah this uh this scene in moana always scares me you're not kidding man it's a big ass problem yeah um so you yeah you were you were a scrappy

musician living your life on the road turn the page turn the page you became a scrappy scientist yeah you became a scrappy set was that like the second time i was on the show was i no i don't know i don't know the whole how many times i think you were a musician a few times is this canon i don't know uh i haven't gone back do you want me to open up the record that's quite all right and then you were a scrappy epidemiologist yeah and now sleeping on floors yeah you're sleeping on floors that's right sleeping in the lab uh yeah drinking all your things out of test tubes and whatnot getting drunk on potions oh man epidemiologists love potions um sure and then last time you were on you had written your first book right and now you're

back book number two book number two sequel to the first one so fucking stoked that like i was like i'll show them there'll be an epidemic and suddenly everyone will respect me i'm an epidemiologist yeah but i'm an epidemiologist and then it happened for me like i'm just these last two years have been the best years of my entire life. Yeah, you've been able to really lord it over people. Yeah, in which I have. Yeah, at every possible moment. You got into this industry because you love epidemics.

Yeah, I just love the way they move. I just, you know. Dan, what's the difference between an epidemic and a pandemic? One's just like way bigger than the other one so which one is pan bigger yeah yeah not like yeah so i'll remember that by thinking personal pan pizza but the opposite there you go like epi uh epi means upon okay demic means like demos like the people demos are the people greek greek epi means upon the people okay also greek uh so that means like upon the people so it's like something that's come from somewhere else and has like landed on the people yeah endemic me endemic means among the people so just basically everywhere okay and then pandemic means everywhere when you were in

i know that i said that two things spent everywhere yeah yeah yeah yeah when you're when you're in epidemiology school is it day one where they write all those three words on the chalkboard? This will be on the final test. Epi means skin. Dermis means hair. Yeah, yeah. So what is the new book? New book is it's it's good actually if i can say that you can it slaps it's an absolute it's a fucking it's such a banger it's uh it's the story

of how coronaviruses like kind of came to be so kind of go it goes back like you know uh millions of years in some case and then this is an origin story yeah an origin story of the family of viruses this is all like non-fiction also it's not it's all like based in evidence and then it's so that's kind of running through it and then it's the story of how this small group of scientists like you know a dozen scientists basically discovered that coronaviruses could cause a pandemic way before the pandemic ever happened and they did all this work to kind of prepare humanity well nice of them to warn us yeah i mean i take it's a takedown it is a takedown they couldn't what they should have done i bet they

were keeping all this stuff secret they should have gone on arsenio and been like hey guys coronaviruses can cause a pandemic they were too busy all hopped up on their potions you know they didn't have time for the common people um yeah so it's like it basically starts in terms of like the human story like you it's it's just the story of these scientists like these people um and it goes through SARS which happened in 2002 which was a coronavirus yeah rolling stones did star stock yes and then there was mers and just and of course wait no justin timberlake was also i believe part of that show yes and this has got to be in your book somewhere but yeah who else was on the line yeah i mean we'll ask dan dan will know yeah yeah um yeah i can't uh i can't verify okay fuck you took me down you

stopped me okay mers okay mers he's already getting bored he knows there's three it is like fuck let's move on i mean i just love the it's the you know i love that there's three mers middle east respiratory syndrome 2012 no birth stock no that was i mean that shows up the you know western ethnocentric uh i mean they might have had a stock but yeah maybe different artists yeah oh man this uh sar stock was like huge that acdc the guess who rush justin timberlake the isley brothers sam roberts and the rolling stones on this was in toronto this is yeah and remember mike remember mike myers went on letterman do you remember that that was like a big thing and this is not in my book this is not why i know this i just know this because i was a child uh put it back in the book mike myers yeah second edition mike myers went on letterman with like a toronto maple leaf jersey on and was like humans of the world toronto is a safe place

like please come back to toronto it's fine was it fine though no we all went back to toronto yeah we all went back to toronto and then fucking covid happened yeah so yeah but i'll say this like i i am not i am a naturally optimistic person so that's really what the book is about it's about like the good like all the shit honestly it's about all the shit that went right it's all the shit right tell us what went right what went right was like there were people in 2002 that were like oh my god coronaviruses can move easily from animals into humans and we need to start working on vaccines we need to start understanding these viruses right and start like developing antiviral treatments and that like man we had we had a

coronavirus vaccine for mers in 20 i think 2015 i still use it i I still have a few doses of my MERS. But it was amazing. Moderna, I think they either started working on it in 2015 and finished by 2017 or it was done by 2015. I can't remember which. But basically, they had it at least five years in advance.

This other coronavirus vaccine they developed not because they thought that it would make some money but because they were working with scientists who were like this is something that you should try doing in case we need something like this in the future so what it meant it it fully we we got into this thing like it fucking sucks it's the worst i hate it but we got into it with decades of people having developed all these ideas and these and these understandings of like how this particular viral family would um kind of move and how to stop a pandemic like more generally how do i figure into all this

where's my what's my role well this was all in the pre-grammy years so okay so you're just waiting in the wings until covid i mean these are our grammy years now yeah well i mean yeah graham was around you knew graham drink m Yeah, don't worry, Merz buddies. Well, yeah, I mean, look. You were one of my Merz buddies. I'm not going to lie. I had a lot of Merz buddies. I was kind of sleeping around.

You know what? When a new disease comes along, it's fun to think of little puns about it. Yeah, that's true. There were so many COVID, Corona things at the beginning, and everyone was worried about the beer oh does the beer give you corona yeah i think that was a fun dad joke for a lot of dads honestly i thought i thought corona was going to be the first like economic victim of the of the pandemic oh yeah they waited it out yeah like they didn't rebrand they didn't do shit no i got some in my fridge

upstairs yeah you have to you have to just go you know play the cards you're dealt you don't you don't go run and hide corona is stronger than ever yeah now it's kind of like ironic maybe or like like dangerous to drink a corona are you kind of a badass if you drink a Corona now? Yeah, absolutely. Dave knows. He's a badass. The other Mexican beers really should have piled on. They should have been like Modelo. It's Dos Equis time, guys. You want something refreshing and Mexican?

You don't know what not to get. Maybe try a Modelo, a Sol. What's the other one that I'm trying? A Tecate. A Tecate. Ah, yes. Refreshing Tecate.

Go for one of those right now, I'll tell you. There you go. Graham, it's nine in the morning. But it's got to be five o'clock somewhere, right? On the international dateline somewhere? This is amazing that you're a real deal scientist. And I think I maybe don't know any other scientists, so it's giddy

for me to be able to talk to somebody that's using your brain for good instead of for evil. That's true. That shit, I mean, I don't know. No, I get it. I get where Dan's coming from. He's not using his brain for good.

He's all about the money, money, money. I don't know. I think, man, I know a lot of scientists, and a lot of them are doing good, or think that they're doing good, and maybe they are, but maybe they're not. And they're fucking assholes. Oh, really? Well, not,

I mean, they're as much, there are as many assholes in that world as anywhere else. I don't know. What do you think is the job that has the most assholes? Cops. Yeah. Okay.

That was easy. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Number one with a bullet. That was fast. What, you're right. Number one with a bullet. That was fast. What's that? Lightning round.

Well, should we wrap up? Yeah, we were going to spend the next hour thinking about it. I was also going to say Rockstar, probably, because it's such an occupational hazard. But police are trained to be assholes also like they they undertake classes like asshole classes yeah yeah i mean they're sure you know there may be some good cops there may be some good

rock stars out there i don't know when i've encountered there's usually one good cop and one bad cop i feel like that's just a ploy to get information out of me i mean we should go through that star stock list again and you know they were all there for a good cause but i'm sure a lot of those you know the rolling stones uh-huh the isley two of the isley brothers kicked me in the shins is that right good isley bad isley yeah um you know what's great is that the Rolling Stones are still around and they still play everywhere. Yeah. That's hilarious and it's great. Someone posted a thing about

how the Rolling Stones don't have a bass player or a drummer anymore, but the Beatles only have a bass player or a drummer. Huh? What about that? Amazing. Or you can do a thing yeah wait yeah exactly if there was a time to form a super group this is it this is the time um yeah i uh like there's no way that

in the 60s they would think you know 2022 we would still be rocking along. We wouldn't be there in the world. But they really, like, they... I remember when we got... When YouTube made us all download their song on our phones. Made us? Come on. I already did it. No, no, no. Apple.

Songs of Innocence? Wait, no. I'm thinking of YouTube. Oh, yeah. I am. No, I'm thinking... I'm talking about that. I thought you said... i thought you meant youtube

made us download both rolling stones and members of the beatles songs no i'm going somewhere with this but i feel like they were like they were old then like you two was an old man band at that point but like the rolling stones really kind of blazed a trail for old people like you can still be in a band when you're old you can be in a band and still were the first yeah do all the crazy dancing that he does you know yeah until then until then they all died like elvis was kind of old but not not like, not like grown old. Wasn't Elvis was in his fifties or something like that. Forties.

I think. Yeah. I got to see the movie. Yeah, that's true. Baz knows, Baz knows all the facts. Yeah.

Um, yeah, the, uh, there was like, there just weren't really bands before that. I don't know about buddy Holly. He lasted a long time.

He was quite old when he, yeah. Yeah. And Richie Valens, I think was, you know know made it to the ripe old age of 19 or something the first era of rock and roll tough tough era and then you know who's just the rock star that just quietly got old and nobody noticed is stevie wonder yeah he's he's's got to be fucking ancient. Not as old as the other ones.

I know, but he kind of flew under the radar. Paul McCartney just turned 80. Whoa. I really like Paul McCartney so much. What do you guys like when the day inevitably comes? What do you think you're going to do?

Are you going to go pour one out for Paul McCartney. Oh, when the day comes for Paul. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the day will come for all of them,

except, except Keith Richards. Cause he'll just keep getting a child body put inside his body or whatever. He's actually did. He's got Chucky disease. Yeah. Someone did an incantation and went into his body. So he's got, and he's he'll do the incantation yeah someone did an incantation

and it went into his body so he's got and he's he only plays guitar he doesn't sing because he's usually like doing some deadly zinger if they gave him a microphone it would be like he he he he yeah

he's like kind of plasticized yeah he's got some kind of like um uh can't get no satisfaction bitch i don't know i can't think of a good one that was close that way you got close uh yeah i i don't think i'd pour any thing that i had purchased i wouldn't waste anything that i'd purchased by pouring oh fair enough you would just enjoy it but free if you got some kind of free yeah if i owned some paul mccartney songs i would i don't know maybe play one one and a half uh oh sure yeah what do you think because paul mccartney had a quite late in career hit with kanye west and rihanna i believe quite late in career hit with kanye west and rihanna i believe uh do you think the stones have one more hit in them one more charting the billboard charts and turning the world on fire

do you think they got one more in the tank yes um i think they do and it's it's gonna be with it's gonna be with dualipa oh that would. Yeah, because she brought Elton John back to the fore. Oh, yeah. That sucks. Why does it suck? I just hear it on the radio and it sucks so bad. I like it. That Rihanna Kanye track sucked also.

Four or five seconds? Yeah, it was terrible. It was terrible. Well, I mean, you guys were both musicians, so I can't argue. Musicality. You guys know how to make music. I just want to say for the record,

just so the listeners know, me and Dave did tour together. That was fun. We spent one night in victoria yeah was that yeah and then we played a show in vancouver okay yeah we so we did a two night tour i slept in my bed one of the nights so it doesn't feel like what was the name of this tour was it like you know like the steel wheels or the final the monsters of not very good monsters of mediocre yeah it was called the no refunds tour monsters of staying close to home not going far where did you guys play in victoria uh we played yeah we played some

crazy it was some weird festival and we played a church and i think i fell off the stage um yeah i i no one would have noticed because there was nobody there this was an empty as i recall this was this was an empty show for the yeah i i fell off the stage and I really hurt myself, really hurt my ankle. And then I did we play a Pat's Pub? Yeah, Pat's Pub still around. Yeah, that was really fun. Does it still have the kind of smoking box? Pat's Pub? Yeah, there in Pat's's Pub there was a just like this

glass I mean probably whatever plexiglass cube I think I smoked in there you could smoke inside there yeah I think I smoked in there I bet you I threw out my shirt after because there's one cigarette is fine but a whole room of smokers

it's going to ruin a garment for sure that place was crazy they also had like columns the size of that smoking room just kind of randomly stuck everywhere so you couldn't see the stage like they're just like full walls in the middle of like the venue it was great i love place. And did that place have the portraits painted on the wall on the stage of

Willie Nelson and Bob Marley? Nice. The dopiest guys. Yeah. Who's the trinity there? It's Willie Nelson, it's Bob Marley. Who's the third pot? It didn't even occur to me that those were dopers yeah they're two of the biggest dopers in rock who's the joker and the toker steve miller yeah but he seems like he's trying too hard

oh yeah yeah oh i thought you meant out of the two willie nelson and bob marley who was the joker and who was the toker i say willie William Nelson's probably the Joker. He seems like he's up to some fun things. What do you guys think? Bob Marley is very... I think of him as a really funny guy. Oh, I thought you were going to say a really fit guy.

Oh, he was fit. He's always playing soccer with his bandmates and whoever would show up in the town he was playing he liked playing soccer good for him you know what i mean died of gangrene is that right i don't know no no no no no he died of like he died of toe well the soccer you know the soccer story he like kicked a ball playing soccer and then his like toe exploded and uh there was like cancer his toe his toe was riddled with cancer and he died of cancer but there's a conspiracy theory that i think mixin or would

it be reagan i don't know whoever was the an evil u.s president uh like sent the cia to inject his toe with cancer and that's how he died yeah i'm willing to expect so he's a bit of a joker that's a bit of a joker it's a joke yeah to to certainly to have your toe explode to death while uh people uh consider it's an assassination yeah it's a pretty funny pretty silly pretty silly it's edgy it is edgy um anyways

you guys we could talk about the music industry all day long but before we move any further how did you become a scientist when did that happen you were a musician and then all of a sudden you were a scientist. What the hell? It's true.

It's true. I got this summer. I was working as a freelance journalist. Okay. And what was your beat? I didn't really have one. Well, I wrote about,

I wrote about music and comedy, but I also had had this summer job like at this ngo that worked on drug policy stuff okay so i got this so i wrote about drug policy stuff and then one of the people that i interviewed offered me a job uh at his like hiv research center which was focused on like drugs and drug policy and people who inject drugs and then he was like look we need people who can write because scientists are generally terrible writers um and so that's how i did it and then i he was a professional bass player and he was like i was like i don't know if i can continue

doing this job after the summer because i'm like touring and he was like you can work remotely and that was like very novel in 2007 so he taught you science and you taught him a little bit of bass it was a little trade-off he was a no he's a kick-ass bass player he was oh shit really he shows you both things yeah he showed me both things he was better at both things than i was could he do this could he go boom yeah and he could do like and he could also do like wow that was a that was a musical uh call back to our bob marley oh yeah you just needed to know where the demby was oh yeah which astute listeners would have oh sure yeah yeah

yeah we've got the most astute in the biz we put a metronome in the uh final mix of this. So, yeah, so I, I basically, he let me write papers while he was touring. So I would like tour, I would play shows. I would get in our tour van and then I would just write all day. I would just like write papers. I kind of didn't know what I was.

I didn't know what like any of the stats meant because I hadn't been trained right but he would be like this result basically means this can you write a paper about what that implies from rolling papers to writing papers Bob Barley and Dan

that's how it happened that's cool and then the fucking you know jobs take over your life right not me man i just travel from town to town playing soccer with whoever will have yeah i i travel from town to town uh well i guess i go from time to time and enter other people's bodies and save them until i'm get that one leap home i mean you you occasionally you occasionally go to victoria for one night but then you quickly return home to europe i've absolutely that would be my currently my story with victoria one night's plenty check out the original noodle box yes yes and uh go to that tea room whatever it's called menchies merchies you know what i'm talking about there's like i was thinking of the bengal lounge

oh no where they do high key that is no longer unfortunately the bengal lounge is no longer but they do high tea still they do still do high tea but uh b Lounge has been shelved. It got cancelled? It got cancelled. Rightly so. It was a holdover for way longer than that. I have a souvenir from it though. They had these elephants. It was

an Indian themed thing. They had these these elephants. It was like an Indian themed thing. And I have an elephant. They have these napkin holders that were ceramic elephants. Nice. I keep my change in one. They had all those like, I went there once and they, correct me if I'm wrong, but they had like a bunch of like skins, right? Like furs of wild animals.

They had tiger skin rug and they had i'm pretty sure they had elephant tusks in there seemed to be a part of the oh my god oh my god i mean the whole thing was problematic for many decades well like i yeah i think nobody cared what was happening in Victoria forever. So they had that going for them. This put them on the map, unfortunately. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend?

Well, speaking of... ... ... ... ... I watch Seinfeld. Yeah. boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom i uh i so i i watch seinfeld yeah sort of my guilty pleasure um this is maybe what's going on with you shut up

i uh it's a tv show that ran on from like 90 to 98 yeah yeah and but they show it every night on tv from 10 to 11 they just were advertising it's now moving to 11 we're gonna the cw is gonna have our own news i'm like i i don't want that i just want to watch seinfeld every night do they call it something like you know like the local station will be like the the two pound comedy pack or something like that oh yeah yeah from I think it's like to an hour of Seinfeld followed by an hour

of family guy and then maybe like family feud that I mean if they went family got a family feud it would be the family pack the family pack that's true but um yeah I feel like the CW like do you need any kind of like threshold to actually be able to present the news as a station be like we're doing the news now it's the news

yeah they can do anybody can just do the news because you just yeah you get it off you get a reuters is that how you're saying it reutersuters? Yeah. Feed, and then away you go. Get some Apple News stories. Boom. From Reuters to Goiters. I don't know. I don't know. This is your nightly CW News.

Brought to you, we do half an hour, it's the Reuters Goiter Pack. We do half an hour of Reuters, half an hour of Goiters. Did you see those Goiters last night? Gross. I, you know how news is all skewed by the corporations. The Associated Press

is neutral. Yeah. Or as neutral as you can get. And so I was like, I should subscribe to their like, they do a thing where they'll email you 10 headlines a day is that free or do you have to pay for this that's free oh cool i never you know it might cost you to click on them but yes that's where they get you uh but uh and for months they've been doing it um or i've been subscribed for months and then

it's five days a week and i'm like oh good i get the weekends off from the news and now they started sending headlines on saturday and sunday mornings no i'm still taking the weekend off ten headlines seems like a lot like that i don't think i could digest that first thing in the morning yeah i think it's like three international three american and three reuters yeah three we stole from reuters um so anyway so seinfeld i watch it most days and you watch this is exclusively on television or do you sometimes watch it on netflix if you're i would never watch it on netflix i never i've never like picked up an old tv show and re-watched it on netflix um well that makes one of us so there's uh everyone always says that like oh

julia louis dreyfus and uh jason alexander and uh michael richards are so great on that show and jerry's not a good actor yeah that's true and i've always kind of been like uh i like when i first watched it as a teenager i guess i didn't notice and now watching it again i uh still don't notice. And I'm like keeping an eye out for him. Like, oh, everyone says Jerry's bad. And then I watch him like, he's fine. He's fine.

I don't get what's so bad about him. I think in the first couple seasons, he was kind of stiff. But then he got into the silly groove and then everybody was silly and just kept being so silly and fun. But the first couple episodes, I think people were like, this guy, but the first couple episodes aren't good. Anyway, Seinfeld Chronicles.

What are you talking about? I feel like everyone else on that show is acting and he's not like, that's so natural. He's the best one. He doesn't have to, he doesn't have to do anything like you want. You want him to kind of giggle and be, yeah, he delivers jokes yeah um that's which is all he really needs to do but like i was watching a scene where he

it's like it's happening between two characters and i was like i'm really gonna watch jerry's face to see how he reacts to these people when he's not delivering lines you know what it was fine give him a break everybody so like when you told me that you were that you watch seinfeld every day i pictured you like you know vacuuming or like doing dishes or doing like anything else around the house with seinfeld in the background but obviously this is more of a devotional yeah it is it is well it's on from 10 to 11 every night so it's it's like if i'm in bed you know looking at my phone i'll have it on in the background if i'm working i'll have it on mute that's funny i don't know just it's funny that you have like this 10

to 11 ritual where there's something on and also you're looking at your it's it's not i don't know just it's funny that you have like this 10 to 11 ritual where there's something on and also you're looking at your it's it's not i'm not spending the whole hour every night it's like i know it runs from 10 to 11 i'm usually in bed by 11 yeah yeah this makes sense oh put this on because i don't want to you know watch the last 15 minutes of ncis yeah and also if you're feeling restless there's a family guy waiting for you to help you chuckle your way to bed so dude what the fuck are you gonna do now i don't know it's gonna be rough um because i you know what i like about it i like that it's just on tv and i don't have to pick something yeah you want passive you want it to wash over you passively all yeah

from like start to finish is anybody making content that's specifically for that is anybody writing a show that's like yeah you can just have another background that you don't really have to follow anything and it's just like pleasant. Isn't that podcast? You guys. I think you scored it there. It's exactly this. Yeah. There's nobody who is sitting, listening to this and not doing something else. That's true.

A lot of people are having sex. Oh yeah. Keep it up. Keep it up. You guys. Fan fiction. I might write some fan fiction if, if it doesn't just naturally prop up. Keep it up, you guys. Fan fiction. I might write some fan fiction if it doesn't just naturally

crop up. Yeah, go for it. Don't publish it. It's a crime. Okay. The other thing that's going on with me is... If you thought that was interesting, check this out. Okay, I really need you to do another base intro.

Okay. Okay, I really, I need you to do another bass intro. Okay. So, Abby, my wife, and her own person made a wonderful quiche this week. Ooh, Lorraine. What? Isn't there a quiche Lorraine? Isn't that like a French way of preparing a quiche? I don't know. I guess I don't know a french way of preparing a quiche i guess i don't

know any other ways of preparing a quiche that aren't french i don't mean either uh no she made a hungarian quiche thick with beets um but uh yeah so she makes a quiche and you know what I love about a quiche? It's going to be leftovers. Yeah. Uh, normally I'll put my leftover quiche in the oven. Did anybody during this process where I'm riveted, did anybody have an apron that said quiche the cook? Cause that would be fun oh uh yeah they did

um so we did so uh that was the first day of leftovers i warmed up my quiche in the oven and the next day i was like okay i had a like a zoom call in the morning and then i had to be out the door half an hour later i didn't have time to warm up this last piece of quiche in the oven and i googled how do you warm up quiche fast throw it in boiling water and it said put it in the microwave and put your microwave on a lower power setting and do it for three minutes and put it on like a half power setting and i have never in 30 years of microwave ownership i have never messed with the power setting on the microwave i wouldn't i'd be scared i didn't know it existed yeah exactly and there's a there's so many buttons i don't touch on the microwave potato i don't touch that button uh but i did i put it i did i how many power settings would you guess my microwave has

three high medium low i'm gonna go with five it's one to ten it's a one to ten so yeah and the the default seems to be ten now you're just bragging i guess i am yeah it's a panasonic um and so i went on five cooked it for three minutes oh this thing was perfect guys really chased your your kish game this story is so much better than the seinfeld story for me like i don't know how, I don't know. I just find it really comforting. And it had a good beginning, middle, end, too. Yeah.

Like a hero's journey. Yeah. I also want to say this about quiches. I'm so sorry, Dave. I'm so sorry. Please. They, like, an egg, like scrambled eggs, are not good four days later but a quiche reach into the wire a quiche is basically the same shit it's amazing anyway dave please continue yeah it's a it's a

marvel i'm a big yeah so i like growing up i never would have wanted a quiche my mom would try to you know try that with me. I would, you know, throw the plate across the room. There were so many foods that I wouldn't even try as a kid that I love now. Like, I wouldn't eat a salad because it had avocado in it. And the avocado would get its avocado-y juices on every part of the salad i can't pick them out mom you got avocado on the lettuce uh but now i would eat an all avocado salad no yeah that's preferable yeah yeah um i'm trying to think of something i didn't give no i think everything i

hate as a kid i still hate what What about asparagus? Loved it. Loved it, like eating trees. Asparagus and broccoli, like eating tiny trees. Fun. Dan, did you have any food you didn't like as a kid? Yeah, I really... No, I don't like ratatouille.

I never liked ratatouille. I don't get it. No, I don't think that's a problem yeah there's very few times that you're going to show up and somebody's made a ratatouille well and amazingly when you're an adult you never have to eat it yeah that's true nobody's going to present it to you that's right what is it is it like eggplant and tomato? I'm starting to get really anxious because I don't know if I know what it is. And I don't know if I am actually thinking of the right thing. It's like, is there eggplant in it? Probably.

Maybe I'm thinking of moussaka. Moussaka is good. That's got eggplant in it, right? Yeah. I think. Yeah. Anyway. I can't.

I don't like that liver and onions that was one i would never oh sure some but the people who love it they fucking adore it but the people who love it love it because it's it was all they could get during the depression they go they developed a taste for it and it's it brings them back to those those train hopper it's like it's like stockholm syndrome in like food right as a food item you identify with your captors which is the food man have you ever had like kidney have you ever had kidney and mushroom it's like a french kidney and mushroom pie oh my god i've had an english kidney tastes like p tastes like p everything tastes like p to me though because of my weird

diet graham took one of those weird like uh pills that dissolves on your tongue and it's supposed to make like oh a lemon when you can actually sweet but now no it just makes everything taste like p which is fine. Wait, is that what you want or you don't want it? No, I'm fine with it either way. Pee, no pee. I'm fine, I'm fine.

The problem with eating kidney would be you get all those kidney stones stuck in your teeth. Yes. No, I've never eaten I don't think I i've had any organ meat well maybe maybe this is the summer for you we're getting yeah it's organ meat summer we're calling it now this is organ meat summer

so you know barbecue up uh spleen yeah get a spleen going if you got a uh if you got some cow lung i guess is maybe something delicious you could try there's gotta be loads of appendix out there oh yeah human and otherwise yeah if you eat a human appendix that has been removed from a human does that still count as cannibalism or is that just good recycling oh sure because he didn't need it yeah he didn't need it and it's not you know like is it still if say i did that say i did that in high school as a dare does that make me a cannibal this is such a good question like if so okay what if you ate somebody's beard yeah or

toenail clippings yeah yeah like you're not you're not a cannibal. So yeah. Yeah. So you couldn't eat an appendix. No problems. Appendix is like somebody's beard, but it's, it just happens to be inside their body. Yeah. And it can explode and kill you. Yeah.

And it maybe has something to do with regulating your gut flora. I think we're discovering. Yeah. You need that. And so if you eat it, you'll probably, uh, you know,

it'll, it's like having a big yogurt hard yogurt um so that's me i've been uh experimenting with the settings on my microwave and appreciating jerry seinfeld's acting yes yeah dave can i just ask like do you have plans for the next low power food you're gonna have more money it might be pizza oh yeah pizza that's a good one yeah because pizza gets kind of ruined in the microwave but maybe we're maybe we don't know how much we understand about the microwave man could this be your next book this seems like it's got legs i was thinking myself this might be the single most listened to spy episode because there's just so much critical information that's true yeah it's true yeah we figured out a lot of stuff here today.

What's going on with you, Graham? Well, last episode, there was some talk of a man who has come up with a business where he is delivering frozen pizzas that he will make this frozen pizza, he will deliver it to you. So, if you go to his

website, this is Desi's Pizzeria. It's out of his apartment and it's a place that has filled the void for it in vancouver your pizza place is closed at whatever midnight but what if you need a pizza in the middle of the night and you don't have anything in your fridge you don't have anything uh good to go so and you look up this place online and the address is the second floor of an apartment building because it's a guy who is cooking frozen pizza in his apartment and delivering them in the middle of the night so here's the thing i haven't called direct but on his website you go to the home page it says get quote so i've sent him

i've sent him my uh restrictions and what i am looking for and i'm waiting to get a quote from oh yeah so yeah it's this is going to be a multi-step adventure i am very excited that you're hold on though he is he cooking like from scratch he's making these or he's not like no like i'm like frozen yeah yeah and his website, can you choose the brands? Like, are you like, I want a... Oh, my God. No, you can choose the different types of pizza. I don't know that you can choose a brand.

I think it's just whatever he has in the freezer. But you can choose like a vegetarian or pepperoni or... You have to call him. You have to call him at night. Oh, yeah. I want to see if he gives me a quote first. Sure. Because I need to know.

Is this vegetarian pizza? Does it have pesto on it? Because then it's a no-go. Because pesto's got the nuts in it. You're nut, yeah. I'm nut free. But I'm waiting. I'm waiting.

I'm standing by. I'm hoping to get a response by the end of today. When did you send this quote request? First thing in the morning. Oh yeah. No, you got to do it at night. Cause he's a night owl.

But yeah, I'm excited for sure. If the pizza is good to go, I will be ordering from Desi's pizzeria and we'll see. What I want to know is what it comes in. Like what is delivered this? He's not delivering it in the delizio box, or is he? I bet you he's, like, folded. He's found a really cool way of, like, folding

those boxes up that are gonna surprise and delight you. I'm excited. I'm excited. I bet the recycle bin outside his apartment building is just... How... What's the quality of the website? Does it look like... It's not bad. It's not, like, it's not anything special, but it's not horrendous. It's a quality of the website does it look like it's not bad it's not

like it's not anything special but it's not horrendous it's a top of quality i made it from a mama mikaela's recipe yeah um what uh i remember is it to dijourno or delicio they're both it's both of them but they but like one was canadian, one was American, and now there's just one that's left standing. But the commercials were always, it's not delivery, it's Delizio, or it's not delivery, it's DiGiorno. It was the same commercial. Oh, I see. I just know that there's one called, what's the guy's name? Giuseppe.

Giuseppe has his own brand. Dr. Utker Giuseppe. Do you know who Dr. Utker is? Yeah, he's the guy that uh dan learned all this science stuff from yeah he's one of my mentors who he's the inventor of baking powder is he really i i'm really glad you said that instead of like i just i just assumed it was going to be something horrible yeah that's true dr ut. Edgar was the original Dr. Kevorkian, but not with people's wishes.

People do it against their wishes. But I'm excited. Yes. I'm just confused. Like Delisio and DiGiorno are the same boat. That's what I'm trying to get at. Oh, this is like a Bush and Bush X situation for Canada and the States. Take us through the history of that, please.

And you're the musician. Yeah. Yeah. Another one of my mentors, the Van Bush. Gavin Rossdale. Married Gwen Stefani. Married Gwen Stefani. He had a band called Bush.

married glenn stefani married glenn stefani he had a band called bush but in canada you couldn't name a band bush or something like that there was already a there had been a band in the 70s called bush yeah all right so we could only have one band called one thing so they so they were called bush x in canada up here yeah bush to the power of x power of X. Like it was a little X. Yeah. I wonder if you had merchandise from there if people in the States that still love Bush, would that be a little little dosh for you if you had a Bush X

t-shirt or something like that? Oh yeah. Something to consider money-wise if you guys are looking for tips and tricks. DiGiorno and Delizio are a co-owned brand of frozen pizza sold in the United States and Canada respectively and are currently subsidiaries

of Nestle the best people in the biz I love their chocolate pizza yeah chocolate pizza delicious water the finest water in the game if you ask me I feel like they're selling me back my own

water and I love it so I'm waiting on a quote I will keep everybody informed as this story unfolds but we're standing by we're ready to receive you have to talk to a person to get this done.

Apparently. Well, we'll see. We'll see what the quote is. That is so old school. You have to actually answer a riddle, uh, from a troll.

Um, so that's happening. And then also Dave, our ship has come in a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if it was on podcast regular or bonus episodes, we were talking about candy that just existed and that nobody ever bought. It just existed at like after, you know, in the church, after, you know, like old ladies would have them. Are you talking about that strawberry candy?

That's what I'm talking about. The strawberry hard candy that maybe had a soft, chewy inside. Had a chewy inside, yeah, yeah. And the wrapper was red strawberry seeds in a twisted shut in the green area. But you never bought them. They weren't something you'd buy. They were just things you'd find at a lady's house or a church. And they ruled.

When you saw them, you'd be like oh i'm gonna go ham on me yeah so somebody undisclosed who was sent us an entire pound bag of those very candies from nuts.com nuts.com there's a whole bag of uh strawberry candies in the wrappers so dave uh you'll be getting some soon who they were i don't know i don't know maybe that's you know what maybe it's a desi we gave him some from free air time on here and i don't know who it is there's no there's no way of saying it just came from nuts.com it says what it is it's one pound strawberry hard candy okay and that's great isn't that just so beautiful that's it's the greatest heard you wanting something and then just sent it to you yeah

no we have the by a long shot we have the best listeners in the game wow well i mean brush listeners were also pretty yeah he He's dead, but... But they're still listening. It was close, though, for a while. Yeah, that's true. So thank you, whoever you are out there. This will be a treat. It'll be enjoyed by myself and Dave.

I mean, maybe I'll put them in a glass bowl and just leave them out on the table. That's true. I do need to get some crystal. Yeah. Maybe I can put them in my um those the ceramic elephant perfect yeah um so yeah that's what's going on with me do you guys maybe one okay okay just like yep sure a recap yeah of what's going on with you and me i am dave dave is appreciating seinfeld's acting he's he's upset about the move uh with the news on the cw uh-huh uh and pleased to find out that the the microwave has different levels and it cooks a quiche to perfection it warms up a quiche to perfection it was good it was good and

fine yeah it didn't ruin the quiche no and graham has inquired about only inquired about a pizza from desi it's made in an apartment somewhere on the west side and uh has received candy yes i think it's as good as it gets this This all sounds really nice. It is nice. Let's move on to some overheards. Hi, it's me, Dave Hill, from before. Here to tell you about my brand new show on Maximum Fun, the Dave Hill Good Time Hour, which combines my old Maximum Fun show, Dave Hill's podcasting incident,

with my old radio show, the **** Dave Hill Show, into one new futuristic program from the future. If you like delightful conversation with incredible guests, technical difficulties, and actual phone calls from real-life listeners, you've just hit a street called easy. I'm also joined by my incredible co-host, the boy criminal Chris Gersbeck. Say hi, Chris. Hey, Dave. It's really great to...

That's enough, Chris. And New Jersey chicken rancher, Des. Say hi, Des. Hey, Dave. The Dave Hill Good Time Hour. Brand new episodes every Friday on Maximum Fun. Plus, the show's not even an hour. It's 90 minutes. Take that,

stupid rules. We nailed it. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, you know what? It's a crazy world out there. Try to grasp onto some kind of sanity. And for me, it's listening to somebody's conversation and pulling out a gem and sharing it here on the podcast. We always like to start with the guest. Dan, would you please? say the the beauty of the overheard for me is that you you really need to open your mind to the universe yes like you you need to just go with the universal flow you just got to be out there which i tried to do and fail but my wonderful partner miranda delivered i was searching through our texts uh for the word overheard and um i remembered this incredible overheard that she had so she's in art school and uh she was in a class where people were showing

all of their visual art that they had created and like presenting it and describing what it was about and like what it meant and one person in the class uh presented this like landscape with uh kind of like in the evening and in presenting them presenting that they were like trying to explain its meaning and they were like sunsets are a metaphor for the beauty of nature which i just like i just love so every part of that is great that's uh somebody who didn't read the book and is trying to flub their way through. It's not in itself a beautiful thing. Just a metaphor. Yeah, it's a metaphor.

I guess it's, boy, sunsets are like a simile. Man. Love a good sunset. Yeah. You know what I'm getting into a little bit uh just because they seem to be waking me up lately sun rises yeah i mean do i stay up no way and the birds chirping yeah birds chirping sun up uh you know

little bit of uh flowers falling from the trees a little bit because of a nice breeze yeah that way yeah because are you sleeping outside and they're just they're just falling on your face they're falling in your mouth summer i don't sleep inside during the summer what are you mad this is the one time of year where you can sleep out and nobody's gonna call you on it you know oh he's camping he loves nature and nature is a metaphor for camping uh dave do you have an overheard uh yeah i don't think i've ever said this on the show overheard uh jug is mighty empty these days um but i was walking the dog the big big dog, dog number one, a few weeks ago. And, uh, someone had this giant piece of wood, like just leaning up against their house, just like a big plank. Plank?

Yeah. And written on it, it says, please do not take nothing from around the house. says please do not take nothing from around the house and then underneath that it also says no british gossip this is not a fence over which you will exchange gossip while you're hanging yeah and we're not or like it's like the kind of thing you would put next to your mailbox like no flyers or whatever yeah no british gossip yeah please do not send me you know some kind of magazine with a spyglass on it a true a true lover of the queen like sure yeah yeah do not disparage the monarchy yeah get out of here piers morgan newsletter that i subscribe to what's's your favorite British gossip?

Oh, it's got to be, you know, wedding day, who's wearing what fascinator, whose hat is whose royal, royal wedding. That's my favorite British gossip. Oh, for me, it's who's, you know, who's from Big Brother, you know, whose boob fell out on big brother dan favorite british news uh i mean i love it's not really i it's not really gossip but when prince andrew was like i'm not a sex offender because i don't sweat you have to look up the story is too complicated and complicated but it was like the world's worst lie it was i love it i think it's cool i think he's cool i think uh

the whole prince andrew situation is rad he just seems so cool yeah he does seem very cool um so there was a um a song a punk rock song came out this year and I think it was number one in England during the Jubilee. Oh yeah. Uh, and it was entitled, uh, Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce.

That's some, it's some inside slang. I couldn't tell you what that means. I love it. I mean, I can tell you what the first four words mean. Five, even if you can't do any uh pretty good good work britain uh graham do you have an overheard i have this one was very fun for me to witness um i was walking down the street and i felt uh

some water splash on my arm and i looked up i wasn't no cloud no bird but there was a kid in the window that was being very mischievous and he like hid away as soon as i saw him and it's a kid with a squirt gun squirting people down on the street he got me totally got me and and then i was i was looking for him on the way back and there were these two teen girls that were standing under they've been sprayed too and one of them was pretending to call the police and say yeah there's a boy in the window and he's spraying people as they walk by and his address is this and i don't know if it was all for him it was like we're calling the cops on you and uh all around kid with squirt gun fabulous teens pretending to call the

cops wonderful getting sprayed on a little bit during a hot summer day not bad at all so all around win win win pretty amazing uh yeah it uh i mean that would have worked on me i would have been very afraid that the police were coming that's that's what i was thinking like they they were playing the exact right card to make this kid sweat, you know? And Graham, like a man like you who's so used to pee. Yeah. Like it must be a relief that it's just water. Yeah, exactly.

Or disappointment. Yeah, exactly. Disappointment. Because I, yeah, I'm a pee Smith. I'm not a pee avoider. I'm a pee. Pee is short for pinket. I'm a pinket Smith. Yes, I'm a Jada Pink. Smith. I'm not a P. Avoider. I'm a P. P is short for Pinkett. I'm a Pinkett Smith. Yes, I'm a Jada Pinkett Smith.

I looked up nonce. It means sex offender. Okay, let's go. Perfect. Now, we also have overheard sent into us from people all over the world. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into spy at maximumfund.org. Let me just find them. Here they into us from people all over the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org

Let me just find them. Here they are. This first one comes from James, I think, in London. Overheard two children of presumably different socioeconomic groups playing in the sandpit at Greenwich Park in London today. Child one.

Let's pretend we're running our own little cafe. Child two. No, let's pretend it's a beachfront bar in the Maldives. Yes. Well, I will get sunburned. Yeah.

I can only afford a cafe. And I remember that was incredible. That set up. I was starting to get scared on. And then, man, it just delivered. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, good to imagine, to reach

for the top. An oceanfront bar at the Maldives. That's as good as it gets as far as I'm concerned. Graham, where do you believe the Maldives are's as good as it gets as far as i'm concerned graham where do you believe the maldives are it's in your imagination it's accessible only the maldives in all of us yeah i could tell you where i think it is where fiji could be fiji could be fiji could be malta could be uh where's malta? That's a good question. Do you know these answers?

I feel like Maldives... I don't. I'm going to say no. I feel like Maldives are near India, maybe. Okay. We're all right. Malta's in the Mediterranean somewhere, right? Yeah. I get Malta and Yalta mixed up. You do not want to do that that started a world war um uh i know what ondiv is oh yeah is that i don't know it's like a big weird

onion yeah it's something you put in a salad yeah on on the yeah um uh they're uh yeah they're off uh the maldives off sri lanka there okay okay right on right on um this next one comes from jamie this is a one of the kids say the darndest variety i was talking to my landlord's six-year-old daughter and introduced her to my dog who is a golden retriever she apparently loves, and informed me that both her and her brother really want a dog. She wants a golden retriever like my dog, but her brother wants a golden Lamborghini. But her dad said they're too expensive. What do you think the kid thinks is the golden Lamborghini?

Is that a Labradoodle that the kid's getting confused with? Or is he really just asking for a Lamborghini? I mean, I would have loved a lamborghini when i was a kid oh yeah i gotta say like lamborghini does sound like a short long dog like there's something about it just keeps going a short long dog like a short-haired long dog or yeah long-haired short dog like a short its body is like you know when they look like they're stretched back what is that right close to the sidewalk but exactly like like a wiener dog that's a lamborghini that could be a lamborghini yeah yeah i to me it sounds like it

could be a like a noodle yeah and that's two things I had on my wall as a kid. I had a poster of a Labradoodle and a Labraki. Oh, and a noodle. Yeah, it said whoever wins with the most toys or dies with the most toys wins. Yeah, and wins with the most toys dies. This last one comes from Mike in Maryland. Driving to work a few months ago

I saw a pickup truck with a way too big sticker on the back window reading stay home if you're sick come over if you're thick yeah this was a popular bumper sticker during the pandemic I think there's a chapter about it in Dan's book yeah

it ends with hashtag COVID-19 so if you want to get on the it set efforts back just by years. Because the thick we're spreading it around. Yeah, exactly. That's what we didn't realize. Research is only now emerging.

Yeah, that we really like. The thick are just as likely to carry it as anyone else. Yeah. Just like the rest of us. The thick are just as likely to carry it as anyone else. Yeah. Just like the rest of us. The thick. In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guest. This is Alan calling from Seattle with an overheard from a little while ago. I was at a Mariners game and the Red Sox were in town and there were a lot of

Boston fans at the game. The Red Sox ended up losing the game and as they were leaving one of the Red Sox fans turned to us and said, enjoy your lattes. Enjoy your lattes? your lattes yeah in Seattle you bunch of nonces enjoy your

we don't that's I don't think it's a good word oh is it have I been cancelled for using the word nonces oh yeah big time big time uh you know uh but uh that time uh you know uh but uh that's uh you know a funny thing to say to someone who's

yeah yeah i'm listening jack off you frazier fuck you fish throwing frazier lover oh yeah oh fish throw is a good slur for a Seattle person. Yeah, sure. Bunch of fish throwers.

A freaking temple of the dog loving. Oh, man. All right. Joya Lattes. Hi, I don't know if this counts as an overheard because I saw it on TV, but for some reason I stopped on the Canadian Home Shopping Channel, and it was they're selling a lot of emeralds because it's May, and that's the birthstone.

So this is the exchange from the host to the person peddling the next item. She passed it over. Ooh, so many May babies are going to be happy this time of year. The response, May babies are where it's at. There's so much going on in the universe this time of year. And look at this gorgeous

ferocious ring. Wow. That had a lot of detours, that journey, and I like it. It's a ferocious ring. Those May babies are so interesting. Yeah, they're going to love. Every baby loves jewels.

Feed your baby jewels. Let your baby suck on one of these rings. I didn't know we had our own separate. It makes sense, but I didn't know that we had our own separate shopping channel oh yeah I thought you were going to say that we have our own separate birthstones oh really

nice do you guys know your birthstones I don't god no Dan are you May I am May I'm good ferocious I want to say mine is like I am there. I'm good. I guess it's emerald. Ferocious emerald. I want to say mine is like,

what's the one that's sort of turquoise color? Oh, turquoise. Turquoise, yes. It might be aquamarine. That's good. That works. And Graham's is, of course, bright diamond. Yeah.

Oh. Shine bright like a diamond, I say. Yeah. Although Graham's blood diamonds only., bright diamonds. Yeah. Oh. Shine bright like a diamond, I say. Yeah. Although Graham's blood diamonds only. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I insist on them. If they're friendly diamonds, I send them back. Ever since he saw that movie, he was like, I got to get some blood diamonds.

Leo DiCaprio sold me on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The poster alone. Here's the final phone call. Hey, David Graham. This is Gabe from Baltimore. Um, I was watching the Muppets movie with my eight year old daughter and, in it,

there's a cameo of a big bird walking down the road. And, uh, my daughter got really excited. So that's, that's, that's from Sesame street. I forget his name.

I replied, uh, that's big bird. She said, Oh, I thought it was chubby yellow off i go the old rock star chubby yellow chubby yellow is a great name that's uh it's as good as big bird chubby i mean yeah it's just as

descriptive yeah um that's funny because he's walking down the road in the cameo and he was in a movie called follow that bird where he also walked down a road is that the is that the confluence of these two films this is where they intersect i don't know who can say they're in the chubby yellow verse i think they're all in the same yeah they're all in the same universe. The Count, Cookie Monster, Gonzo, all in the same megaverse. I haven't seen these movies. You haven't seen the Muppet movie? I saw one Muppet movie in the theater and it may have taken Manhattan in it. Dave, you're about to have an hour every night between 10 and 11.

This is good nitrate. that's true are these movies an hour long because i won't pause i won't pause them and pick up the next day i won't pick up from the middle i think they're as close to an hour as you could get it's still as you could get it still as you could legally call it a movie yeah they're an hour they're like 40 minutes without the cameos oh yeah yeah who's in the first one i know steve martin's in it feel like uh well waylon jennings is in follow that bird i know that much anyways we could do this all dom deluise i think is in it i'm just i'm seededing the space to somebody who knows. Well, that brings us to the end of our show. Dan, thank you so much for joining us.

My guys, my two guys. I feel, yeah, I feel smarter for having talked to you. So thank you for talking to yourself. I learned what a nonce was, which is great. That's right. Uh, and when to use it.

And you also know now about Desi's pizzeria when you're visiting your, your folks, you can, uh, two in the morning. Knowledge is power. Knowledge is power. It's true.

It's power knowledge. Um, and I am a strong man now damn right um now dan the name of the book is the undercover siege the rise of coronavirus in the west there you go what's it what's it called uh the invisible siege okay very close the rise of The Invisible Siege. Okay. Very close. The Rise of Coronaviruses and The Search for a Cure. Nice. Nice. Excellent.

Is it an audio book yet? Yeah, it's an audio book. It's a hardcover. Do you read? Are you the voice? I don't know. I wasn't asked to. And I did not tell them I would.

Sucks for them. Sucks for them. Sucks for them. They missed out on a golden opportunity. You got a great voice. We got to get, when are we going to get some of these audio book gigs? You guys can do it. The science book gigs?

Anything. Any audio. I'll read any book out loud as long as I don't have to read it. I'm reading it. I'm reading a textbook right now. A grade 10 textbook. Out loud? Yeah,

out loud. To kids. Is that like a tutor is that like a tutor yeah i'm a tutor i read uh social studies community service yes um uh well thanks again uh dan for joining us here today it's been just delightful yeah this concludes dan month. This concludes Dan month. Yeah. That concludes Dan month. Yeah. Thank you to all the Dan's who participated and thank you.

Listener out there for listening. You silly little someone that was listening out there. We love you. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.