Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 75 - Jane Stanton

Episode Date: August 10, 2009

Comedian Jane Stanton joins us to talk baby goats, baby sheep, playing the avoid card, and don't get us started.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to Stop Podcasting Yourself, episode number 75. The quarter cinch. So good. Has it been that long? We're like...

It's been like 76 weeks. We're tri-centennial men. Or something to that effect. My name's Graham Clark, and joining me, as always, is the man on whom the Shumka dancers are basing their next festival in honor of Dave Shumka. It's going to be called Shumka's Shumka, and it's going to be a celebration of me and my tall boots. My God, the Shumka dancers have been making my google alerts go crazy just like english football players have been making mine go crazy graham mcclark very popular names in the football world speaking of football our guest today a uh second in the three-time returning champ column yeah after charlie Charlie Demers' success last week.

Oh, my God, yeah. Jane Stanton, three-time guest. Yes. Former soccer coach is how I was segueing into that. I know. I was like, or football player. One of the two. And a very funny comedian and host of the once-a-month show Teen Angst, which takes

place at the Railway Club in downtown Vancouver. Thank you for the shout-out, Graham Clark. Thanks for coming on and being a three-time winner. A winner. A winner. A try-win. A winner, right? Try-win.

Yeah. A three-time winner is an expression. Well, let's get to know us. Get to know us. So before we started, we were talking just very loosely off the top about cheerleaders. And you were doing a cheer from your days in school. And then Dave did a cheer from his. Was that from your school?

It was my school, but. Kitsilano Blue Demons? Yeah, but I didn't. We didn't have cheerleaders. But my sisters went to the high school before me. And back then, they did have cheerleaders. We had cheerleaders but my sisters went to the high school before me and back then they did have cheerleaders we had cheerleaders at my this is high school we're talking about i guess yeah not not grade three but we had cheerleaders but they the whole thing in movies was the

cheerleaders were always the uh u-desirables and the hottest women. Were they not at your school? Not even close. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, no, no. They were what would be the support beams in the pyramid, except that was the entire squadron was all support beams.

Oh. Yeah. Who were the desirable? I don't know that there was one group of people who, or one group of girls that was like the desirables. At my school, they were called the Heathers. Yeah, at my school, there was a gang called the Desirables. And they would tag everything with lipstick. Were the women or young ladies, I guess,

at your high school? No, women, Graham. You went to a correctional facility for high school? I did. They were what you would so-called say stereotypical hot, but then boring. They were the hot chicks. But that was typical of the cheerleading squad. But they were horrible, too.

They went down the states for competitions and just, like, not even a medal. Not even a ribbon of participation. They take it so seriously. Oh, yeah. Like, that's just a different level altogether. That was the thing, actually. Today on the show, we were doing this. The game called Shooting Blanks, where they have the headline, they have a word taken out, and then you put in a silly word.

What show? Jane guested on the show. Dave guested on it two weeks ago. Graham has a TV show. Local kind of cable situation, TV show. Shooting blanks. Yeah, and you, that was one of the things, was that cheerleading causes the most sports injuries of all things.

Cheerleading is the... Cheerleading causes the most sports injuries of all things. Cheerleading is the... Cheerleading causes the most sports injuries blank. I think it does because most of them were gymnasts, failed gymnasts, right? If you're... Those are the people that you hurt yourself... Have you ever seen Bring It On? Yeah.

It's not a cheerocracy. It's a cheer-tatership. But I feel... Is that a line from the movie? Oh, yeah. Nice. I feel like cheerleaders in the past, they weren't former gymnasts. Because little gymnasts are little spark plugs.

They've got broader shoulders than I do. spark plugs and they've got uh you know broader shoulders than i do but yeah uh but like the desirable cheerleader from back in the day they're upper chested uh-huh yeah whereas a a former gymnast is that's because they just used to do the clap and like this because that's all they could do and they would spell things brass yeah right right right so um and you didn't have any cheerleaders no you didn't have any cheerleaders? No. You didn't have very much spirit? No.

Was that it? I guess not. I wouldn't. Did your school have a football team? Nope. Oh, okay. That explains why. Did yours?

Yeah. Yeah, mine did too. Well, there was no football in Vancouver. There was. There was no crying in baseball either. There was football in Vancouver, but it wasn't through high schools. No, there was. Yes, but that's a league.

But there was high school, and I'm a North fan. Oh, well. But we still... But that was the only football team in all of Vancouver. We won. They won every championship. State. Okay, whatever.

Hey, Jane, what's going on with you? What's new? What's exciting? Look at me. Nothing. No, I was just at Yak Yaks this weekend. Comedy club? Comedy club. what's exciting what's uh look me nothing um no I had a I was just at Yuck Yucks this weekend

comedy club comedy club um can you believe that that sounds like there's there's listeners from American stuff

that have never heard from Vancouver but when you say Yuck Yucks it sounds like a thing that we've made up as like a a fake comedy club

that we say we're playing at but it is literally um across Canada. Yeah. Like, it's the biggest chain of comedy clubs in North America. But it would be like if we call the place, like, If you added an N to it.

Now in my head, I'm like, that's a perfect name for a new club. That. What did you do? I did it in my throat. I MC'd and it was, I knew it was going to be bad because it was a long weekend and then it was the pride parade

and fireworks and then police and firemen, like so many things this weekend. And I'm like, yes, I will MC, not middle, let's MC it. And Thursday was great. That's my first, like, my favorite show. You got me on that one, Graham.

It's just, like, people aren't there to get totally shit-faced. Yeah, because they've got to work. It's good. They've got to work the next day. I came out Friday, and not one person. They're like, welcome, your host, Jane Stanton. I walked out, not one of them clapped. Oh, yeah, I've had that.

That's a very Vancouver effect, effect where they're like please welcome so and so and people are like i'm not clapping and you're like oh shit i'm starting from less than zero oh yeah it's negative like a hundred i was like okay this crowd doesn't seem to know there's a show starting yeah yeah so how'd the rest of the weekend go? Was it okay? Peaks and valleys. Peaks and valleys. But those valleys make the peaks more sweet. Peaks? Peaks.

Speaking of valley, did you see that Saved by the Bell cast reunion on the cover of People magazine? Yes, I saw it. And would people please stop emailing us about it? No, you know what? I don't mind if you keep emailing us about it. I thought you meant People Magazine. I was like, oh, my God. You guys have hit the big time.

They're like, sorry, guys. We left on screen. People Magazine is like, can we get a quote? Yeah, so Belding left out in the cold. No, he's not. No, I didn't think he was. He's not on the cover shoot. No, he's not.

But when Jimmy Fallon was putting it all together, he was like the first guy on board. But this wasn't the Jimmy Fallon. This is a separate entity from the Jimmy Fallon scenario. I'm sure that Jimmy Fallon brought it back into the limelight. Well, I know Belding's interested. He's not cover model material. You're thinking of Screech. Yeah.

He was also absent. Yeah. I think that was the video. Oh, that's not even him, though. He had an online porno video of him leaked, but he's never in the same scenes as any of the sex stuff. Right? Like it shows a close-up of sex stuff and then it cuts to his face, but you never see his face and his junk in the same shot. Oh, really?

Yeah. I've not seen it. I will download it. He made a fake sex tape for some reason. I didn't know this about it. What? Did he have a sex tape? Well, I knew he made a fake uh sex tape i didn't know this about it what did he had a sex tape well i knew he had a sex tape i just assumed he was in it he is in it okay he's not in it he's not yeah he's not up in it yeah exactly dave's got the right terminology but that would be like you having a sex tape and like someone having sex and then all of a sudden you're just like shot of you smiling i come in and just play a trumpet note.

Is it made to look like he is there? Okay, so it's the same lighting and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the shots would lead you to believe if you didn't step back and go, wait a minute, how come there's no shot that's a complete... And, you know, mercifully so. There isn't a full shot of that.

Do they try to make it look like it's his body? Are the pubes all... Oh, no! Wow. Yeah, it's trying to do a real smut cast since you were last here. I noticed. And yes, they are. It's a big asshole.

Does anybody else kind of notice? And I only noticed it because I saw last week, I saw Funny People. Okay. And I had to review it on The Breakfast Show. Did you? Yeah, and I've never reviewed a movie before. And I felt like woefully inadequate to be reviewing a movie because I'm like, I've never reviewed a movie before, and I felt, like, woefully inadequate to be reviewing a movie. Because I'm like, I've never made a movie.

Right. Do you know what I mean? Like, I always just assume that... Whereas most movie reviewers are accomplished directors. Totally. I only listen to Martin Scorsese's movie reviews. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, like, I felt like, as I was doing it, I was like, who am I to be criticizing anybody's movie who got a movie finished?

Well, if any movie would be that movie, you're a comic. Yeah. And you were dying for a while, and then you stopped dying. Yeah. That's true. So you're saying life-wise, I had an applicable kind of slant. Who were the other people that they had on the show reviewing it oh it's just me and the regular uh breakfast television host uh we because he had

the other the movie reviewer guy was on holiday so i went to the premiere and watched it and i reviewed it but seth rogan's lost a bunch of weight since his kind of famous thing and does he look a little bit like screech now maybe dude like i'm just saying is there any because to me so you're you're saying in the reunion he could play screech not play maybe they're the same person have they ever been photographed together no they haven't that's true good call jane thank you um what does he look like naked oh wait we don't know the answer we don't know the answer because he lost all that weight Good call, Jane. Thank you. What does he look like naked? Oh, wait. We don't know the answer. We don't know the answer because he lost all that weight.

Wasn't he naked in Zack and Mary? Yeah, probably. Oh, he was. Zack and Mary are a porno. Yeah. Is a porno. What did he say? I said it right, right?

Yeah, eat a porno. He's going to be in the Green Hornet, too. He's going to be. I don't know what that is. It was the thing that Bruce Lee was in when he was a young man. Oh, okay. The Green Horno. It's a Hong Kong porno.

That can make a hornet. Pretty good. We can cut now. I think if this was where the podcast ended, it'd be success. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, last weekend, I went to a birthday party for my friend, a former podcast guest, A.J. Bond. Mr. Bond.

And every year, he has a birthday, but we don't... It's called Cake Night, and I don't remember the origin of the name because i wasn't there the first few years of it sir wilford cake was somehow involved so i think the origin of it is that uh the first that they don't want you to bring presents they don't want you to think it's a conventional birthday party and so i say or a birthday party convention right i say they but it's my friend AJ. He doesn't want you to bring presents. So it's just a celebration of cake.

And it's been going on for years. And every year there's a different theme. So you bring a cake? Nope. You just. I'll explain it. Okay. Can you?

Yeah. Every year we just go into his backyard and there's a barbecue and his parents make amazing barbecue food. Your cornbreads, your corns, your ribs. Is he 16? Why are you at your parents' place? Because his parents have a really nice house. So it starts out. I've been to a barbecue at your parents' house.

Stanton. And your parents' house. Stanton. That was different. And your parents' house is terrible. It's terribly awesome. But yeah, so we eat food. And then there's a selection of cakes. Yeah. And we sing the Cake Night theme song.

Oh, shut up. No, you don't. I love this. Which, it's not happy birthday it's just a moaning uh just you go cake night it's like a haunted thing over and over uh then we eat cake and then they have this huge ottoman in the back in the living room that has you can lift the lid off the ottoman and you can fit people inside and we try to see how many people we can fit inside the ottoman and that is cake night every year this sounds like something that when you see like an old uh

like 70s uh film board film about you about the culture of Finland or whatever. It's called Cake Night. The dance around a maple. Oh man, that's great. But you don't show up with a cake though. That seems to be the flaw in this whole thing. Wouldn't everybody bring a cake?

Yeah, I think it should be a pocklock cake party. A cake lock. No, that's a terrible idea. Oh cake-lock. A muck-lock. A cake-lock. No, that's a terrible idea. Oh, really? No, because there would be too much cake. Is there different types of cake? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a schmear. Are there cakes with, like, coins baked into them? I think there have been in the past. There's always something different. Like, a couple years ago, there was a pinata. Cake? No. Not cooked? You ate it? No, you ate a cake, and was a pinata. Cake? No. Not cooked yet. No, you get a cake, and then it opens

and little cupcakes fall out. In addition to cake. Are there cupcakes ever? Maybe there have been. What about a giant brownie with frosting on it? Like chocolate cake. Basically, yeah, that's what happened. That that's amazing how many people fit in the ottoman two you see didn't go for a record this year two is the most ever but like you have to get

very small skinny people to get two in but that's always uh some it's a bit of a pretzel fest did you try it i've never gone in. What's an ottoman? An ottoman is what you put your feet on. Oh. And also used to have an empire. Mm-hmm. Wow, that's pretty cool. So that was your weekend.

Yeah, that was the whole weekend. Nice work. It was every single night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It was a long weekend. Yeah, Graham. Yeah, Graham. Yeah, buddy. Did we get to know you? Yeah, well, I think we know a lot about me at this point.

I went to high school with a football team that had unattractive cheerleaders. You went to Valley. I went to Valley. And we were always squaring off against Bayside. Oh, I went to a petting zoo. Oh. I went to a petting zoo on the weekend. I thought you were going to say pedicure. Yeah, I went to a pedicure. Oh. I went to a petting zoo on the weekend. I thought you were going to say pedicure.

Yeah, I went to a pedicure. Where'd you go? North Van. Maplewood Farm. Yeah, Maplewood Farm. Do you know it? Shivers. Yeah.

Oh, my goodness. Myself and past podcast guest Alicia Tobin went to a pettingting zoo and it was tons of fun. They just had brand new goats were born. I think they had them always. Like the baby goats had baby goats. Oh, man. Well, of course. There's a circle of life.

But there was – I'm allergic to everything there. I was having constant breakdowns. You were having tantrums like the kids there? I was just losing my mind the whole time. This is the best thing about baby goats. Kids, I guess. Oh, yeah, that's what they're called. Yeah, and kids are alright.

There was in the barn they had where all the brand, brand new baby goats were hanging out. They had a little box, and that was the thing that every goat wanted to stand on but being goats they like butting each other's head and trying to just just to stand on the box i could have watched that that is uh that is the oscars plus uh the super bowl plus uh you know

seinfeld finale all mixed into one. And I'm allergic. I'm dying. I'm literally dying watching it. Couldn't have had more fun watching these goats than a head buddy. That's kind of like the movie kids. Did one of the goats keep giving everyone AIDS? Yeah, he was the virgin surgeon. Did you go in the pen with them?

Mm-hmm. And was there baby horses and stuff like that? There was baby goats in the pens where you could go in and there was if you put your finger near them, they They eat everything. Well, they

because they were still nursing, so they thought it was like a nipple or whatever. And it was that. No, no, not or whatever. They thought it was a nipple. A nipple or, yeah, I guess a nipple. whatever. And it was that. No, not or whatever. They thought it was a nipple. A nipple or, yeah, I guess a nipple. Yeah. But yeah, it was all around. It's a pretty unique place.

I didn't know that that existed. I found it online and I thought it would be. It's awesome. Yeah. Did you like the rabbits that have never moved? They're like 400 pounds. There weren't anything like that. That maybe is something that you dreamt up from your past.

No, I've taken my niece there. There's giant, maybe they had rabbits too. There's like giant rabbits that the kids eat. Like the kids eat, the kids feed all the time. Kids are always eating the rabbits. I know. Like chicken ones. So yeah, that was kind of the big exciting thing.

I mean, there was a lot of stuff going on over the weekend, but my mission was to stay as far away from all that stuff, the fireworks and the... Somebody wrote to us from the States, I think, or from outside of Vancouver, not understanding when we made reference to fireworks and people getting stabbed, that that really is the thing that happens at the fire. It didn't happen this year.

No. It's the first year since I've lived here that it was a stab-free fireworks season. That's because I didn't go down. I was safe. I was good. Old switchblade Stanton. Yep. Because no one stepped to you.

And, yeah, that's about it. say. Switchblade Stanton. Yep. Because no one stepped to you. And yeah, that's about it. I can't recall anything else. Although I finally finished watching that staircase documentary from two weeks ago. Good on you. Good for me.

It's like an eight hour long documentary. And I watched the whole thing. I don't believe you. About a staircase? Yeah, it's about a staircase. The building of, the maintenance of, the tearing down of it. Sounds interesting.

Two hours are on escalators. Their detrimental effect on the stair industry? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. And yeah, that's where it's at. Should we move it along? Does anybody have any comments, questions, concerns? One question.

Dave Schoenke, stop podcasting yourself. About the baby goats? Yes, yes. Were they really clumsy? Oh, so clumsy. And a follow-up? Their front legs seem to be a lot longer than their back legs, I think, while they're growing up. Maybe the front legs were.

So they're very front-heavy, and they kind of have to jump a lot to get around. It's adorable. If anybody's living in Vancouver and wondering what to do with their weekend may i say maplewood farms it's like five bucks to get in all the baby goats you can handle you can eat um and all the rabbits you can eat according to jane's experience yes uh should we move along into the category of overheard? Yeah. Overheard. Overheard.

Yeah. We didn't get to do any listener overheards last week, of course, because it was the live show. So I guess we did. Yeah, we did more than ever. Yeah. Jane, we like to start with the guest, if you'll recall. Do you have an overheard? I have two.

One was... Why don't we start with you? Do you want to bookend it? Yeah, I'll do that. Okay, what won? The first one, I was at a drinking establishment. I was at a drinking contest. And I won.

And I heard the waitress go, hey, I just found a fruit fly. I think we have them again. And then the bartender said, oh, we've always had them. I've never cleaned the lines. Oh, so you kept drinking. Dave, overheard? Yeah, well, actually, mine's an overseen. Oh, right, yes, you had a booklet.

Under my windshield wiper uh someone left this booklet uh that says 1 000 years from now on the cover okay so that would be 3009 specifically 3009 um and it's it's uh basically the thrust of all the information in it is that in a thousand years, the only thing that matters is whether you are a lost soul or a saved soul. Yeah. But. What about now, though? But then it has a list of things. It says a thousand years from now, what will it matter whether you lived in a mansion or a cottage, wore tailor-made clothes or ready-made, covered your feet with silk or cotton socks?

Silk socks? Who has that? Goodness. And they keep coming up with examples of- A rich thing. A rich thing and a poor thing. But... FM radio.

AM radio. But there's 11 things on this list. I'll just go through all of them because some of them are kind of confusing. What will it matter if you ate chicken or liver and onions? Oh, I don't know which one of those. Is the liver and onions the poor one? I think so. But is chicken a rich thing?

No, it's traditionally known as the cheapest of the meats. Pork is. No, like chicken's something you'd have many times a week. You wouldn't have pork many times a week. Pork is pretty cheap. Is it cheaper than chicken? Oh, yeah. Get a shoulder for two bucks.

What? Where are you shopping? Safe away. Oh, yeah. Get a shoulder for two bucks. What? Where are you shopping? Safe away. Oh, wow. Anyway, what will it matter whether you slept on a brass bed or on a cot? What one's poor on that one? Probably the brass bed. What's so comfortable about a brass bed?

Yeah, it's a mattress that matters. Yeah, so if they were like, if you slept on a Sealy or a Simmons. And in a thousand years, it will matter. Pillowtop. What will it matter whether you traveled by car or bus? I guess, all right, good point. Yeah, yeah. What will it matter whether you drove to a motel or stayed at home?

Really? Drove to a motel? I think that means that you're having an affair or not. Whether you had an affair or had an affair in your house. Wow. Outstanding.

Paid $10 for a meal or $1.50. I'd love to have a $1.50 meal. I think we all would. The motel thing, I'm guessing, I'm just guessing from the artwork on the front of this thing, this is a reproduction

from like 50, 60, 70 years ago. So in that day, maybe going to a motel, because there was a time that motel was literally meant a motor hotel. And it was a very considered like... A hotel that ran on a generator. Yeah.

It was a motorized hotel. It traveled places. But it was quite like in the 50s. Yeah. That was a thing. You could drive into a hotel. It was very swanky. Yeah. Before they got all se, maybe they should update this so it says 950 years from now.

So you have to backdate it and be like, you wore a hat, or you wore a slightly smaller hat. So that's what's been going on with me. Pretty good. Wait, I overread that. Graham, do you have an over-erd? I have an over-erd.

Because I was riding on the bus, and there was a lady in front of me who then... I don't know if you've ever been on a bus when this has happened where somebody runs into one of their friends or co-workers. Not like a close friend, but somebody that they know. And then they end up having like kind of a surface level awkward conversation for the entire duration of the trip uh because we were sitting right behind this girl and she had um like a styrofoam thing with food in it and her i guess it was her co-worker an australian guy sat down she said oh you can have half of this sandwich i'm bringing the other half to you know tony or randy or you know philly or whatever uh anyways they were talking uh and then at one point

uh she was like talking about all the whole conversation was how much they drank over the weekend and it was that kind of teenager style of oh i drank so drank so much, and, oh, I love drinking, and, oh, I'm so hungover. I'm not going to drink tonight, but I might. I shouldn't, but I will. Sounds like me normally. So they were talking about that, and then at one point, the girl was like, you know, I really, oh, I wish I could have some ribs, because right now in the small town that I'm from, that's literally what she said.

In the small town that I'm from, Rib Fest is on and I'm really missing Rib Fest. And I just talked to my parents the other day and I was talking to them on the phone and they were like, hey, you're missing Rib Fest. And they're like, I know I'm missing Rib Fest. Thanks, mom and dad. And then I heard it was raining today. So enjoy your one day Rib Fest. Don't bring up rib fest anymore. But it's not, he didn't bring it up.

She brought it up, went on a crazy rib fest tirade, and then chastised him. I find... And said rib fest five times. Quickly. When I'm on the bus with someone who I don't know, or someone who I do know but I barely know, I like to see how long I can go without either of us saying anything. Oh, I played that game where you look down and you pretend one time I... You do not. Yes, I absolutely do.

Of course you do. No, somebody I knew... We call that playing the avoid card. From years ago somebody I knew sat next to me on the bus i guess either assuming i would have turned to them at some point went oh you're from whatever it was the coffee shop or or the you know the store we worked at together but i pretended i was asleep talk to someone no because i knew how much time i had left on the bus trip, and it was about 15, 20 minutes. So if this person was going, and I imagine they were, going to the same SkyTrain station I was going to, that was 15 minutes to 20 minutes of conversation with somebody I barely know.

See, I wish I was you guys. I ran into, when I was in Kelowna, I said to JP, I'm like, oh, my God, I went to high school with that guy. He's a crackhead. And I put my head down. I'm like, oh, and he's like, my god I went to high school with that guy he's a crackhead and I put my head down I'm like oh and he's like hey you give me some crack he said he asked me for money and then his girlfriend went do you have a pay phone I'm like pardon she goes do you have a pay phone as I was holding my cell phone and I put my cell phone I'm not a store I'm not a drinking establishment I'm a drinking contest participant sometimes I'll be

at a like I'll be talking to someone I know and they'll be with a friend but they won't introduce me to their friend that means they don't know your name they forgot your name no no sometimes someone I'm pretty sure knows my name uh but

they don't introduce me to their friend and i don't so i ignore their friend and then later i see their friend and we're in very close quarters oh no and we have to ignore each other yeah and i'm happy to do it oh if i can give back a little bit just by ignoring someone then you feel you've done your job yeah yeah everyone's a winner baby uh should i move on should i oh i have one more it was actually it was better than the other one i should have done it i was at a restaurant and there's two i don't want to say teenagers early 20s teenagers still really and um they were girls what was their emotional age they were 12 and they were like i can't believe getting in a fight and one turn she's like i can't believe you made me eat the baby lamb and i'm like it's sheep that is lamb like baby sheep is lamb and she kept going but

it's not it's sheep she's like no but it's baby lamb i can't believe you made me do that it's the baby of the sheep and i'm like but lamb is can't believe you made me do that. It's the baby of the sheep. And I'm like, but lamb is like, she kept saying. Who made you do that? She told her it was sheep, but it was baby lamb. Who orders sheep? She told her it was sheep, but it was lamb, baby sheep. Yeah, but she kept saying that, baby lamb.

Baby lamb. It was my favorite part about it. It was redundant. But a lamb is a baby sheep? Yes. It stands for love, angel, et cetera. Button baby. But she kept saying, that would be like baby baby.

Yeah, yeah, baby veal. Yeah, baby veal. You made me eat the deer venison. Should we do the red? Yeah, red them. These overheards are black and white and red all over. All right. Let me just find the first.

What? I'm just going to read some overheards. Yeah. Because some people write them in, you see. Oh. Using the gift of English. All right. This first one is from Erica P.

All right. From Seattle. Yeah. Not an official American listener, but, you know, an American listener, officially. This is an overheard from work. Let me set the scene for you. This is her words, not mine. I work at a fondue restaurant in New Jersey.

That is my favorite launching off point of any overheard we've had so far. A fondue restaurant in New Jersey. All fondue. Our tables are marble with induction burners? Am I pronouncing that right? Induction? Okay. Set in them so we

can make the cheese table side as well as keep the cooking mediums and chocolate fondue warm. I don't know anything about fondue so this sounds all like Jim Rich. Oh, I do. Right now I'm salivating. The controls for the burners are under the tables to give the servers easy access.

They are centered on the edge of the table unless they are too, in which case they are on the corners. I was helping one of my fellow servers clean a table that had a family of six, including two girls of about 13 to 15 years old. They were at a two-burner table, and as my friend went to turn the two burners simultaneously,

one of the girls looked at him in total awe and said, are you going to take the whole table away? So they thought they were going to lift the table up. They were just turning the burners off. Thanks for sending in the schematics of your restaurant. We are going to rob it. I was so fascinated. like it's one of those things where they tell you in a like a fiction writing class like the first sentence

gonna bring people in i work at a fondue restaurant in new jersey i was sucked in i didn't even need to know the rest um uh my favorite tv show is uh cake boss which is about... Oh, yeah. Where they have cake parties? Yeah. They should have Fondue Boss. Oh, totally. I want to know where I can buy that table. I want it for home. Well, I'm sure Erica can let you know. She seems to know a lot about these types of things.

This next one comes from Bria M. Just shorten it to Bria M. Bria M. I was at the Goodwill, and a little girl of about eight was pushing her baby sister, perhaps a little over one, around her shopping cart. The baby was reaching out and pulling at the clothes on the racks, and the older sister scolded her for stretching them and smacked her arm, as only a young sibling would do to a baby. I pass them by, and mere seconds later, I hear the eight-year-old screech,

no, you don't hit people, and glance over to see her punish the baby for such an affront by smacking her again. So, yeah, do as I say. Yeah, not as I do. Not as I do. When you go shopping at the Goodwill or Value Village or the Salvation Army,

do you feel like you need to wash your hands immediately after you leave? Yeah, but I feel that way, honestly, I feel that way about a lot of stores. I feel like there's a lot of greasy hands touching a lot of things. The worst place I just felt dirty was Playland. I just went there last weekend. Oh, well, that place is filthy. That's why you felt dirty. I've never felt that disgusting. Yeah, it's a carn is filthy. That's why you felt dirty. I've never felt that

disgusting. Yeah, but it's like there's candy apples involved. Cotton candy. I feel like you should brush your teeth and wash your hands. Yes, agreed. Do you guys find that when you buy a toothbrush and then you try to buy it again three months

later, they don't make it anymore? Alright. No, I don't make it anymore? All right. No, I don't. Here's an interesting one. What are you getting? A few weeks ago, we had an overheard that was called in by my brother, Patrick, when he was in New York. I don't think that's his name.

Oh, Patty D. And this person wrote in, somebody named Ori, said, I was wondering if I can get some information on Graham's brother's visit to the Museum of Natural History. On June 6th, my girlfriend Amanda and I were in the museum and had that exact conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We doubted the authenticity of 65-year-old dinosaur fossils, and there was nothing on the planet that we are more certain of than the falsehood of the moon landing referencing on a weekly basis at least either way we had that exact conversation give or take a few words on june 6 2009 weird now i don't remember the call exactly um but that sounded yeah yeah it sounded like it's it's. We've had people who have been overheard

call in and kind of say, that was me who was overheard. It was someone in Portland. How are you? I'm blown away right now. You guys are just like, yeah, it happens all the time. Someone, I think my friend AJ,

AJ Bond, his overheard was someone outside a bookstore said, can you imagine reading a whole book? And then the person who said it wrote it in. This is a great overseen. It's a photo. I love it when people send in photos of hilarious things. We got a couple this week.

We won't get to all of them, but we will next week for sure. But this is from a toy store. It's the display in the window, and it's a zebra being kind of semi-mounted by a stuffed lion. And the zebra is saying, why are you biting my butt? And the lion is saying, I'm not biting your butt, which is clearly a lie because that's totally what he's doing. But I don't understand what toy store would allow that to be the... F.A. Schwartz, for sure.

That's not F.A. Schwartz. That's why people go there. Because of the scandal? Because of the butt-biting. I didn't get a good chance to scan these, because Jane was late. Somehow I'm going to find a way to blame this on Jane. In fact, you had even more time to scan them yes there's that's one way to look at it

uh but if you want to send in any overheards especially if you're somebody who has been overheard i'm looking at you rib fest um the email is stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com and also we have a phone number. We've got some called-in overheards. Our phone number is 206-339-8328. And we have some called-in overheards. Yup. Hey, guys.

It's Shane from Toronto. I'm calling in. I've got an overheard for you. I was a little late for work the other day, so I grabbed a cab to head downtown. And you know how sometimes the cab drivers don't leave on. can hear the I guess they're called the dispatcher the guy's calling out where you know we got a call Bathurst and Eglinton and all the guys are calling in for those calls and the the cab drivers kept using Roger they kept saying Roger he said they got a you know Bathurst and Eglinton Roger Young and Bloor Roger and the cab driver I can't remember exactly what he said but he yes it wasn't a

yes or no question it was something else and and the the guy kept saying Roger Roger and you could just tell this dispatcher was just at the end of his rope and he just goes alright guys listen up listen up guys y'all listening you can't keep saying Roger for everything, okay? You got to use real words. You can't just keep saying Roger over and over again. And then it was dead silence for about 10 seconds, and one cab driver just spoke up and just said,

copy. And that's my overhead, guys. See, that's all a matter of timing. Somebody's like, I hope nobody fucks this up because I'm going to pick copy. That was probably the cut up at work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the Tony Danza character. Or maybe the Danny DeVito.

Who was working the dispatch on Taxi? Danny DeVito. That was the thing of when I worked at an establishment where we all had walkie-talkies. Where? I worked at a very large catering company. Did you love walkie-talkies? Because I did. Yeah, the walkie-talkies were great. Everybody kept doing scenes from the movie Alien over the walkie-talkies.

And we got in trouble that same kind of way and there was the the work cut up right uh had a uh a moment like that where there was dead silence on the radio and then somebody went we are looking for agent ripley she is still alive i just don't understand the whole talk of it because you have to go if, if I went, like if you said, Jane, Jane, and I have to call, pick up, I'd have to go, go for Jane, rather than, hey, like, no one else is going to imitate me. You don't know that. I hated it. Protocol is protocol. I know.

Do you want to be part of this catering business or don't you? I do. Do you want to serve tostadas or do you not? Do you want to be in charge of the ice sculpture? Yeah, are you interested in serving bruschetta? I made the ice sculpture. You were inside the ice sculpture. Like an alien.

All right, here's a good one. Hey, Graham and Dave. It's Alex from California again. And I have yet another overheard. I was in a movie rental store with some friends. And we walked by this 18-year-old kid who just says, randomly out of nowhere, let's jerk one out tonight, yeah?

Yeah! Yeah. A porno movie rental store? Just one where you would jerk one out tonight? Let's jerk one out. But for all I know, the youth have a whole new meaning for... Yeah, they do a herky jerky dance because uh throwing it back to the 50s no but i had a thing where i worked for a guy who thought that jerking off meant slacking

off right like that that and i guess at some point that might have been the same terminology like you guys are all just jerking off and i was like no whoa you're way misusing that so i wonder if that's maybe now it's gone another evolution and the kids are saying let's what did it jerk one out yeah let's jerk one out yeah yeah yeah maybe they meant she said uh uh i saw this 18 year old kid uh do you ever have a friend who still refers to people as kids even if they're your age what are we talking about here like i refer to kids as kids no no but i'm talking about baby goats talking about uh like someone you went to high school with uh and your friend just ran into him. He's like, yeah, I don't know what's going on with that kid.

Oh, like they're trying to be like Frank Sinatra? Yeah, or I guess. But you knew him when he was a kid, and so you still call him a kid? Oh, yeah, like they'll always be a kid. Where a kid can be a kid. The Burger King Kids Club. No, that's Chuck E. Cheese's where a kid can be a kid. Where a kid can be a kid. The Burger King Kids Club. No, isn't that Chuck E. Cheese's where a kid can be a kid? Oh, Burger King Kids Club is where it's cool to be a kid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pardon me. Yeah, you are pardoned. Hey, guys. This is Ryan from Atlanta calling in with an overheard. So I left work early today, and I called a matinee. And in the theater, there was this five- or six-year-old girl with a woman in her 30s. And after a couple minutes of commercials,

the little girl turns to the woman and says, my daddy said you are a tease. As soon as she said that, the whole theater went silent and the lights dimmed and then the trailer started. It was pretty fucking awesome. All right, next question. Oh, wow. And then the trailer started It was pretty fucking awesome Oh wow My daddy says you're a tease

Boom Yikes So what's the scenario there? Oh that's for sure No they've been dating for six months or so Oh no I think they've been dating The daddy couldn't get anyone to babysit.

No. I thought that it was the... Did he say how old? Five or six? It's the parents are getting together. It's the girl is going

out with the future mom and she's saying my daddy said you're a tease. Is that right? Because the mom won't let him down in the pants. Wait. I think. Well, I don't know if it goes into that detail.

No, not the mom. The new mom. Alright, new mom. But it was great. Wait, wait, wait. No, I want to get into this. Okay, wait a second. What? How long have they, wait, wait, wait. No, I want to get into this. Okay, wait a second. What? How long have they been dating that he's not letting her down in the pants? Six months.

I think she's gone a little bit longer than that. Really? No, no, no. I don't think that they haven't gone down. Just because you could still be a tease even though you've had the relations. Yeah. You know, it just means that your general demeanor is to tease. It's not that at all.

How do you know? Were you there? You don't know. No, but the kids take things literally. So, like, you can't be sarcastic with kids or anything like that.

So, the dad probably was saying, like, oh, she's a tease. But he wasn't like, oh, she teased her. There's no way the dad wasn't talking to his five-year-old about what a cock tease his future wife is.

They might have a good relationship. No, no, no. No, but she probably overheard. That's what I was, yeah. She overheard him. An overheard of an overheard. He's talking to his buddies. Yeah, going, she's a cock tease.

But she would have said cock tease. He teases my cock all the time. There's no way that a five-year-old would edit out cock from cock tease. Okay, baby. No guy says she's such a tease. The five-year-old was in the room and he was like, she's such a... and he looks over at her. Tease. You don't know.

He could be 75. Or this could be 1952. And he's going out for a dinner of liver and onions. And the daughter's like, tell me more, tell me more. You know, grease. She's a tease. I tried to take her to a motel.

My favorite thing about, actually, aside from the fact that this overheard was great, was that this guy decided to leave work early. Catch a matinee. Yeah. What a classy way to handle your afternoon. Taking off early. Because I never, ever, I think, in my life of working have. Taking off early. I never ever, I think, in my life of

working have I taken off early. If I did, that's exactly what I would want to do. Go see Manny? It seems like a really good way to spend your time. I don't think I've ever taken off early. Maybe the boss is away and just at 4 o'clock everyone just stops working.

I did that when I worked for my dad and he was my boss my favorite my favorite about that is like that would have been the worst you're about to watch a movie with the kid that you're like i'm gonna be your mom soon and she did that so that movie she the they're watching the orphanage that movie they had to watch orphan is that what's called orphan which one the new one? The new one? Yeah, the new one. Orphan? Damn.

That would have ruined her like a whole hour and a half. That lady would have been like, how the fuck does she know this? That would have ruined me in my head. You'd have to sit there the whole time.

Why don't you put out? Yeah, yeah, you gotta put out. It's the 90s. Do we have another overheard? No? No, no. If you do want to call in with an overheard, it is, our phone number here is 206-339-8328.

206-339-TEET. We do appreciate your calls and your emails. And where would we like to go next? Let's chart these salty seas. Can I check and see if there's any? Why don't we just take a break? Yeah'll be right back okay so we come back we're gonna do a segment that we haven't done a long time or quite a while anyways it's it's a favorite segment every time that we do it what's the difference between a long time and quite a while

uh quite a while is something that you wouldn't write a romantic song about, but a long time. Oh, it's been such a long time. Well, a long time gone since Constantinople. That is romantic. Romantic singers. Chilliwack, everybody. Just outside of Vancouver. Chilliwack. So we're gonna do

a segment called Don't Get Me Started. You can punch me in the belly, you can call me retarded, but Don't Get Me Started! All right. Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. Here I go again. Dave, what's my weakness? Oh, man. Okay, then. Um. That was the next line? That is the next line.

It was. Exactly. Okay, then. Let me start, uh, Dave. Oh, sure. Dave. Yeah. What are you, uh, I mean, what are your feelings when it comes to stores being closed one day a week oh come on why that's the

day i was gonna go don't get me started okay how about oh dave i don't i like i don't know where you stand on this issue but people who have their windshield wiper on the wrong setting oh don't get me started you don't have you have it on intermittent but it's raining really hard you should have it on the regular style you know what are you trying to impress me you can see through the rainy wind come on yeah what is this jurassic park yeah yeah yeah you got a cup of water and then hey graham yeah buddy uh what are your thoughts on Megan Fox? Recently, there was a news... Don't get you started. Oh, I wish you hadn't.

There was a news publication ban on Megan Fox, and everybody reported on the publication ban, which just ended up giving Megan Fox all the more publicity because they're like, oh, certain websites have refused to report on Megan Fox, and we're reporting on them not reporting on Megan Fox. What a Megan Fox palooza. I wish you hadn't got me started.

Oh, my dad thinks she's a tease. Jane. Yeah? What do you feel, like, how do you feel about people who don't eat wheat? Ah! Or people that say they don't eat wheat. And they'll be like, no, I can't eat wheat because, you know, I'm allergic to it, but they're not really. And then they'll be like, I'm just going to have a donut And they'll be like, no, I can't eat wheat because I'm allergic to it.

But they're not really. And then they'll be like, I'm just going to have a donut. I'm like, yeah, come on. Or they'll be eating pizza. And they're like, no, I can't have wheat. There's wheat in that? You fuck. Don't get me started.

I wish I hadn't got Jake started. Doesn't make a lot of wheat. Dave. Yeah. What's your feeling? Actually, I feel like I could get started on this very thing. Grown men on BMX bikes. Oh, don't get me started.

First of all, you're always wearing a wife beater and a stupid hat. And second of all, that's all. That's all. By law. See part one. Any thoughts on that anymore? Yes! Can I go part two, three, five, and ten?

Sure. I hate it. You're not 12 anymore you're 35 you fucking tool I feel the same way BMX bikes long boards skateboards dreadlocks if this isn't strictly

a beach activity skimboarding, surfing volleyball then, you're too old for it. If you're doing it on our public streets and you have a receding hairline, knock it off! Graham? Yes, sir? Do you have any thoughts on anatomy drawings? Oh, man. Here's the thing that I don't understand why this is a continuing thing.

Every time you go to the doctor's office or a physiotherapist or a dentist, why are you going to see anatomy drawings? That doesn't help me out to know what's going on on the inside. It helps them. They should have it memorized. Yeah, exactly. That makes me feel even worse that they're glancing over at the thing to make sure that they're doing the right part.

Don't get me started on anatomy drawings. Dave. Yeah? I don't know if we've ever talked about it, but America's Funniest Home Videos. Oh, don't get me started. The only reason I watch that show is for the dog videos. At the very end, when they do their top three videos, there's always a dog video, but it never wins. People always pick the stupid baby or some baby who can name presidents.

President baby. And the audience is always, why do people dress up in a coat and tie to watch America's Funniest Videos. And it always looks like they're like Latin gang members who are just out on day parole and they just came to watch America's Funniest Videos. Graham, what are your thoughts on these Jack in the Box ads? Okay, there's this new series of Jack in the Box ads where the Jack in the Box guy is at a Costco-like retailer and he's buying a giant jar of pretzels. And they have

two-for-one TVs. Oh, how clever that you have finally observed that Costco sells things in large portions. Well done, Jack in the Box. Kudos. Don't get me started on that. I haven't seen the commercial, but I want to see it.

Well, Jane, how do you feel about people constantly updating their Facebook status? Oh, no. Oh, Nelly. It's so hot in here. I don't know why I did a southern accent. It makes me their man. That was a southern accent?

Oh, shut up. I didn't like it. But it was. It's so annoying. Every two seconds, shut up. I didn't like it. But it was. It's so annoying. Every two seconds, two seconds. But the worst is a lot of people try to be super smart and switch words around and be like, I don't even want to say it because then it's just going to sound like, whoa. Go ahead.

They just go goobily-bee-goobida. Do people say that? I've seen it when people just type stuff. She follows Dizzy Gillespie. Goobily-bee-ba. I have Dizzy Gillespie. I love Gillespie. I just seen it when people just type stuff. She follows Dizzy Gillespie. I have Dizzy Gillespie. I just hate it. Race to Twitter for that one. Oh, man.

I want Facebook status. That was some good... Did we do all of them? Yeah, I think so. That was... I feel like we got a lot off our chest there. Rounding the corner to the end of the podcast, Jane, if people want to check out, what's your online presence?

Can people look up Teen Ags? Where do they find you? Fiery Red. No. www.thejanestanton.com. The Jane Stanton? Yes, because I couldn't get Jane Stanton. Who's that?

Realtor? Yeah. It's a lady from LA. It's pink. It has roses and shit. Oh, wow. The lady who likes pink. We'll put a link to her website on our blog.

You will, too. The Jane Stanton. Also, Teen Angst, once a month, Railway Club. Is it the- Second Tuesday of every month. So it's coming up on Tuesday. Great show. People reading from their old high school diaries.

Poems, raps. I had a guy do a rap, and I did a rap in 86 on Much West. And I've done it before, too. And we were dressed all preppy, and we were like, don't look at those guys. They ain't got no class. And my friends was like, oh, we got the class. You guys got the styles from the past.

I don't know the rest, but you guys didn't even ask me. Do you have videotape of that? I can find it. Because if you can, if there's a way that we can upload that for the world to see. What kind of raps did you write when you were younger? Me? Mostly gangster. I was in grade 6. When I was in grade 6, I remember I wrote a rap

about Frosty the Snowman, but it was called Frostman the Snow DJ. Sounds pretty good. And I think in the end it ended up being an allegory for drunk driving. But it was pro-drunk driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's. So, Teen Angst, thejanestanton.com. Railway Club. Railway Club. And it's a mix. It's an early show. It's early. It's 6.30?

PM. PM. 6.30 AM. It's not that early. And it's like a mix, though, because I've had people do stand-up and other things on the show. It's a good show. It's an entertaining, it's a good time. I go every week.

I love it. Dave, we don't have anything to plug in the immediate future, do we? Yeah, yeah, we do. Shumka. You didn't say that. How about you say it? Because I don't know the dates and stuff. I don't know the dates.

Pull out your thing. The fifth? say that how about you say it because i don't know the oh okay i don't know the dates pull out your thing um we're doing uh bumbershoot on the labor day weekend on the saturday down in seattle 3 p.m it's gonna be me and dave shumka and it's good to know people which is dave melchard and jason bryden and also former guest uh katie ellen humphries yes so that'd be good that'd be a good show go check it out. It's at the, I can't remember the name of the stage, but it's an indoor theater. It's the Canadian, it's the only Canadian-based show

that they have at the festival. Canadian something. Something around. Bacon. Canadian. And if you want to check out a great companion piece to the podcast is the blog that Dave puts together each and every week.

It's stoppodcastyourself.blogspot.com. Yeah, you'll enjoy it. It's very good. And if you want to contact us through email, it's stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And our phone number is 206-339-8328. And thank you so much for downloading the podcast. If you enjoyed it, tell your friends. Spread the word, because that's how we're trying to make

this thing grow. And come back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Bye.