Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 750 - River Butcher

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Comedian River Butcher returns to talk baseball gloves, peaches vs. nectarines, and more frozen pizza.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 750 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is, I'm sure, sharing my excitement of being at such a cool number, Mr. 750. It's Dave Shumka. Yeah, I guess it's, you pointed out last week, you're like, oh, this is going to be a milestone. Yeah.

But you know what, man, it's whatever. I'm kind of like a whatever person these days that's true it's just a number do it or don't i yeah take it or leave it that's the dave shimka i know yeah man are you are you stoked about it yeah i'm stoked i feel yeah i feel revved up and awesome and i mean we've only it's the third time we've gotten to 250. You know what? And was that the first time? Oof. The second time.

Whoa. Okay, 500. That's blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I don't know if that's... I just think it's neat. I just think it's a cool number. I'm stoked that we're here. Speaking of being stoked, our guest today,

returning guest to the podcast you can see them denver 5th through something in august it's river butcher river butcher everybody oh man great uh that was the best you can see me denver 5th denver 5th at august 4th comedy works what's up you guys it's good to be here on your 750th episode i am really happy that you're um celebrating 750 because i feel so i feel so much that it skips 250 500 1000 yeah yeah because it goes 25 50 75 100 exactly but then when we got that that extra place or whatever yeah are you in the are you big into numbers do you yes but not in the way i mean in the way that you're saying dave that i

am like inferring from your tone. But you're not like a gambler. You're not into that. Or are you? You're not into Kabbalah. No, I'm not into Kabbalah. I feel like if I ever got into gambling, that would be the end of my life. Oh, yeah?

Because I play fantasy baseball and fantasy women's basketball. And I feel like I've gotten to a place in it. This is my fourth or fifth year where it does not rule my life what about the track have you ever gone to the track no thanks i mean well i have i have a thing with animals that i can't participate in that that's fair but if we're talking roulette craps oh yeah blackjack you know poker any of that stuff like dangerous territory or just generally sports betting, you know, gray sports almanac. Yeah.

That kind of thing. Like anything that doesn't involve animals, which I have. I mean, this is a vocal podcast, but I literally have like a pretend, you know, prop of that. I forget about it all the time. And it has a pretend prop receipt in it because, you know, the receipt is like translucent. I love it. You have a dust buster as well? No, I unfortunately, I mean, I have a version. It's a pretend prop receipt in it, because, you know, the receipt is, like, translucent or whatever. I love that. You have a Dustbuster as well? No.

Unfortunately. I mean, I have a version. It's a new one. It's not the quaint little item from the 1980s. But you do have a Dustbuster? I have, yeah, a Dustbuster that folds open. That's amazing. Because I have a really tiny apartment, and you kind of need one.

I kind of thought as an adult that I would have one. I think growing up, I assumed I'd have a Disney. I mean, they were fun when I was a kid. Yeah, they totally were. They were heavier than I thought they'd be. So they were a little unwieldy. Just like everything in the 80s. Heavier than you thought it was going to be.

A phone, a remote, a television. Everything is heavier than you thought it was gonna be this is heavy that's true uh do we want to get to know us sure uh river how many um are you how many fantasy baseball leagues are you in i am in How many fantasy baseball leagues are you in? I am in three, which is like, I think a pretty manageable number. And then I have the basketball. Three?

Yeah. Three just baseball ones and then also a basketball one. Yeah. I'm losing a lot at the basketball one because I just don't have the rhythm of when they play. And so I just forget about it often. I'm just getting my ass kicked a lot um because we i'm a sports fan but i don't do any fantasy sports because i feel like ever you've never done it i did like a couple hockey pools when i was a kid but i feel like as an adult you need a friend to invite you and i haven't got it i mean i would do fantasy high i know almost

almost nothing about hockey oh there's not much to know yeah i would do i just don't understand icing and offsides and stuff i can't retain that i don't know them either and i grew up with it yeah offsides i just never too many sports have offsides is it foul or what i don't know it's very easy for me To understand that And then you mix in Canadian football Are you Are you playing baseball

At the moment? I am I mean not You know Not currently At this precise moment But I was playing last night I guess

Yeah sorry Silly question Being a real Spicy dick Sorry I think it would be cool Trying to fun but yeah what i mean i wouldn't put it past myself to be playing some version of baseball during a podcast yeah doing a little another pool like batting with my you have a background on um yeah what uh tell me about

your glove yeah what are you in position well you know it's interesting that you bring that up because i one of the things i did to tidy up before i got onto the podcast was i i brought my gloves in from the porch uh where they were being warmed by the sun with uh various size baseballs and softballs in them to build out the pockets and like some of them i put weights on them to like okay people like to tie them up you know to like yeah break them in and stuff but i like to use a weight or like just pressure are they so i this was just kind of like a i know an offhand question but i was so how many gloves do you have and are they new yeah i have one that is my like my like gamer that's been that i've used consistently the most

and that's like a second base glove it's 11 and a half inches it's an infielder's glove and that one's the most broken in one and that's the one that i go back to if i am playing terribly but um i i just started playing first base a little bit more because i'm getting old uh me and my so I manage the team with two other guys and one of them has been the manager the whole time and he and I are almost the same age and we're basically like fighting over first base now because we're just like getting older

and can't like, you know, I don't know, run around as much as we used to. So I have a big first base glove that I'm breaking in and those are like, you know, those are like catcher's mitts yeah you know but a little bit thinner so they're like just a lot to break in how many gloves do you own all together being fully honest i have the three that i use and then two extras that i don't use that i'm finding people to give them to are you going to stretch it out a little for them or are you just going to let no those are those have been broken in i just don't like them they don't work for me like i got kind of a cheaper first base glove it's a little too small okay uh like it just doesn't have as big of a web

it's it's kind of tiny so if somebody's maybe a little smaller than me it might be better for them now or newer remind me river yes who's on first? That's a great question. Yeah, I think that's part of the routine. I've never heard that before. I've never really, you know, when you think about it. No, if you think about it even for a second. Whoever really is on first. Yeah, that's true.

What is your, like, at your peak prime baseball playing? What position did you play? What was it? The position you wanted to play? We should mention that Dave's a sports reporter. So yeah, like, is it going to be Bridget in the Boston glow?

Do you like running around the infield? Do you like chasing down fly balls in the outfield? I really like third base, um, because you don't have to think very much. No, sure. Uh, I really, I, but I really like third base because you don't have to think very much. Oh, sure. But I really like that sort of bang-bang position of just get a glove on it. Just get a glove on it.

What's your batting style when you're up to bat? Are you lefty or right? I'm a righty. I mean. Like hardcore right-handed unfortunately um i don't know i mean i like i've gotten a little bit more power lately so i'm starting to hit a little differently um and i did size up my bat okay from a 32 to a 33 it's a very light bat very well balanced so it's not super heavy where'd this power come from are you are you doing reps well well i'm juicing i'm literally

i'm literally juicing so i mean that's i'm so sorry but that's unfortunately the answer i just couldn't i I literally could not. I wasn't really trying, but I also just could not put on muscle before. And now I actually have like a little more upper body strength than I had before. What excuse do I have? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. But I mean, that's the crazy thing is I was playing baseball before and I was in baseball shape, but playing baseball now, now it just it affects my body differently

to do it very slow in the legs now so it's definitely had its like balance to it it's not like i'm just like oh i'm good at everything i'm like so slow now all my legs are so much bigger and not faster you're good at sports you're good at taxes you're good at just yeah right i'm good at all the things that the patriarchy created yeah threw away my dust buster um what is what does a baseball bat cost that's oh i mean that's a great question thank you um there was a bat that i was using pretty consistently that because it was 30 bucks and it was really light, and so I could get it around really fast, but I literally broke it every two games. So I pretty much spent the same amount on that $30 bat

than I would have on a more expensive bat that was a stronger wood. So this bat that I bought is $130, which is a lot of money, but also like a professional grade bat is like $300 or $400. Yeah, and you only have to knock one robber unconscious. You just paid for it right there. That's right. That's right. Because I played hockey when I was a kid.

Oh, yeah. And the sticks were all made of wood. Yes. And then I took 25... What kind of wood? Are they maple? I look. They might be...

From the smell of it, they might be hickory. Hickory. Ooh. Ooh. Like a nice jerky. I have no idea. And then I took 25 years off

from playing hockey and then I went back to it and now they're all made of composite. Yeah, right. So they're all made of composite. Yeah. Right. Uh, so they're very light and flexible. Uh, and they're all like two, $200 plus.

Yeah. Yeah. And, and they're really safer too, but they can charge you. I mean, I don't know how dangerous the first ones were. Well,

I just mean like wood breaks. Yeah. That's why. Yeah. That's why like college. Yeah. Like why college baseball doesn't use wood breaks. Yeah. That's why I like college. Yeah. Like why college baseball doesn't use wood back. Oh, really?

Mm-hmm. It's literally for safety. But I just, so I, when I started playing hockey again, it was like, I had to buy all this gear and I didn't want to. That's a lot of gear. Yeah. And most, I mostly got used stuff. And I didn't want to.

That's a lot of gear. Yeah. And most, I mostly got used stuff. Uh, and then when I needed a stick, I found, I went to the used, uh,

sports equipment store and they had like these sticks that were $30. They're, they're for teenagers. They're not for grownups. But are they, they grownups eyes? Could you go, do you think they're like,

I was, I also had no like frame of reference i was i remember when i was a kid it was like your stick needs to be up to your chin like if standing straight up it needs to go up to your chin and i was like yeah that's about right and uh just to stoop your shoulders a little bit to get but you know what it's worth it to save 200 bucks oh yeah who wants to pay 200 for anything you didn't have to get a teen to go in and buy it for you but like uh oh yeah no uh there's happy meals for my daughter in the car it's just

don't question me do you have other equipment do you have cleats do you have any of that stuff yeah yeah i don't really i don't ever i would love to catch but my knees hurt too but i can only do it for like literally two pitches and then i'm like okay i gotta go yeah um so no the gear that i have is gloves batting gloves uniform cleats a bunch of bags to carry everything and i have like three bats because i'm insane and i love to buy baseball shit um what's the what's the most expensive most extravagant money that you've spent on baseball like did you go to a city to go see a game or the the most extravagant that i've actually spent is probably i did get myself a really nice glove infielders glove that that was

a little bit bigger than the one I've been using for a bunch of years. And that was like 300 bucks. Okay. And I just really like it. It's just like, I love it. I don't really use it that much in games and stuff.

I've been like slowly breaking it in. Okay. Cause I just think it's like a, it's pretty, it's a fancier. I can show it to you. This one is in, I can reach it.

I love this. It's very close. I just have to, I can show it to you. This one is in, I can reach it. I love this. It's very close. I just have to get up very slowly. Don't worry. Don't, okay. And we're done. What does a not broken in glove look like? Okay, so here I'll show you the one I've been using.

Okay. This is great. This is fantastic. Dave, take a picture of this. Take a picture of this with the glove. Screen cap, there you go. Smile. It's like i'm hugging it like hey like i'm holding his shoulder you know but you can i mean it's very used you know yeah what was that a rawlings yes i i i have never not had a raw like every glove that i have is a rawlings because i don't want to have to put my name on anything oh nice nice but i also just like their shit so this is the glove that i got

oh that's brand new yeah it's brand new i mean it's been used i just i haven't oiled it or anything because i really love the color you have to oil them yeah so you can see this one i kind of overdid it see how shiny it is oh yeah yeah yeah it's a little, I kind of overdid it. See how shiny it is? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a little bit too full of oil and it got a little bit, you know, I can't really treat it anymore because it just got too much. I just did it a little too much to break it in. So I'm trying to not do that. I'm trying to not do that with this one.

Hopefully you could hear everything I just said because I wasn't talking to you. No, that was great. Yeah, I just really, it's just really pretty. Yeah, that yeah that's what he's gonna say it's really nice love you know and it's like this particular level of it has like an actual i don't know mlb thing on it and everything nice nice that's how you know it's a fish that's how you know it's fish did you ever play baseball graham i played uh you know, some Sandlot style. Friend had a ball and a bat kind of deal. But never, not in a league, nothing like that. You never owned a glove? I owned a glove.

Yeah, I had an old glove. I didn't catch a lot of stuff, but you know what? My heart was in the right place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, you played it when you were younger. No, I played t-ball. Oh, t-ball. My parents never signed me up for baseball

And that's fine I was not I mean I was going to be whiffing it I was not coordinated But I It is very hard I did like getting gear Gear's fun

I like breaking in You know We didn't oil our gloves we put shaving cream on them oh yeah that was supposed to break them in i don't know like lanolin in it it totally works like oh really yeah oh wow because it's whatever it is that's that goes into the skin to like soften it to shave it's the same so it's lanolin i believe you're talking to some bearded guys yeah i'm talking to some bearded guys gave up on that that whole scene years ago but it's i think lanolin and stuff like

that is in like beard oil and stuff or follicles it's kind of the same it's all the same stuff the uh man i'm learning so much stuff yeah i love it graham's gonna go like you're gonna see him next week he's gonna have a rawlings glove he's gonna be wearing a catcher's outfit yeah he's gonna be i'll just have watched angels in the outfield so i'm ready to go i'm stoked hell yeah um did they stop making kids baseball movies after like 1998 pretty much the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. They stopped making kids sports movies. Did they? I guess so. That was like, that was our generation.

And then they've just stopped doing that. Because they don't really make kids movies anymore. I was actually talking about this with Adam Conover the other day. That like, you know, we grew up at it because we're all generally the same age i feel like we grew up at grew up at a time where kids went to adults movies you know yeah there was like disney movies and that was you know like disney cartoon movies that was it and then the 90s was like roger rabbit set like a tone because that's totally adult you know yeah but for kids at the same time so then you had that and then so us going to those movies then we grew up and we made kids

movies for adults like up and all that stuff you know oh sure or like toys all those movies are really for the adults not the kids i mean yeah that's true i mean there was some like i remember they came out uh with a line of toys from robocop and i was like yeah no kids allowed to watch robocop yeah and then it they there was a cartoon that's right there was legit a robocop and it was like you know totally like funded by the lapd or whatever like there was like... You think Robocop is copaganda? I don't... I think it's very subtle. I mean, even Ghostbusters being a kid's thing

is weird. That was weird, yeah, because it's a lot of... It's not a kid's movie. It's a lot of standing around talking for a movie. Yeah, there may have been a blowjob from a ghost. Yeah, may have. Most definitely.

I mean, I don't believe in ghosts. That's who Alanis was referring to when she said, go down to the theater. It was the ghost. Did you hear Dave Coulier acknowledged that song? He acknowled acknowledges before every show that he does i acknowledge this am i a privilege like a land acknowledgement

it's an alannis acknowledgement close okay well we're closing on the podcast we did it when did he do this uh oh just this week or something yeah just this week he was on a radio show and he he said uh so they asked him uh and it was as they always do yeah well i guess they don't well i don't know i don't know how many interviews he gives that's true i mean what is he doing is he just doing stand-up or something like he's doing um boy he's ranger joe yeah he's got woodchuck it's from full house oh oh i thought it was like a legit thing it was no no it's a joke got it um i don't know what he's doing he must be uh i don't know but he was still does impressions, I know that Yeah, he heard the song

Cut it out, you know what I mean? Yeah He told the story of when he heard it The first time he heard it on the radio And he was like, huh, is that about me? Huh, maybe that's about me Probably shouldn't have Dated an 18 year old

Oh yeah, see I didn't Think about the age differential there yeah it's the age differential is bad yeah yeah it's bad bad there's really no you know it's a little bit too conveniently legal yeah yeah yeah on our 18th i mean they refer to that as just barely legal i think that's the genre of that one you know yeah he i've never i don't know like did you think he was wholesome because he was on full house or he was did i think that yeah did you ever think about his outside of full house life well like bob saget is so famously not wholesome outside of full house or america's funniest home

videos yeah he had the double yeah he had two barrels that yeah two barrels of wholesome coming at you that's right yeah and then i feel like that show i feel like i was in and out on that show like i was never like fully fully full housed you know what i mean like i was never like this is my show because i was like a kid when that shit was on yeah i remember and it wasn't for you yeah it was not for me at all and then like some of my friends would be like uncle jesse's so cute or whatever and i'd be like uh okay who the fuck is that who's uncle uh what are you i don't know what you mean. Turn on Facts of Life again. The stories from the friends next door

they never told. You might be a star tonight, so let that camera roll. That's still on. I didn't watch the shit out of that, though. When I first moved to Los Angeles and I was like, you know, I don't know if you guys have made los angeles and i was like you know i don't know if you guys have made like a big move and you're like it's very emotional yeah regardless

and i was just very sad and it was on uh the streamer who shall not be named i'm not gonna talk about them anymore but um it was on there and i just watched the shit out of it and it was like such a good it was like medicine just like laughing at dogs and stuff yeah yeah what i loved about america's funniest home videos is that the audience dressed up for it it was like oh yeah that's right yeah you could they always shot the audience and the host it was bob saget followed by tom bergeron followed by Alfonso Rivero. Oh, right, Alfonso. And they always shot the audience, and they must have told the audience, hey, dress, you know, smart casual.

Yeah, exactly. This isn't coming down to the Craig Ferguson show. This is a big affair that you're coming to. It's basically they're just dressed for church on that show. Which a lot of people worship. Super churchy. Yeah. Well, that's what a lot of people worship churchy yeah well that's what it was it was church in the morning and then they flip it over to america's

funniest home videos but i mean it totally america's funniest home videos i do believe if we could harness the power of that thing we could get everybody on the same page because i feel like every political background person will watch that show and enjoy at least some of it you know true yeah because there's no there's there's no politics to it at all yeah like at all like somebody yeah taking a hard line on a dog uh begging for treats or something like that yeah there's there's no there's no nothing and they've not taken the politics out there's no politics to begin with it's like the only pure form of entertainment where like everybody can participate yeah like the finalists are dog steals treat uh girls in water fountain and man goes on conservative rant and gets hit in the nuts so bob saget was hosting that for years yeah and. And then Dave Coulier hosted America's Funniest People.

Right. Oh, yeah. They tried to spin that off. Do you think they were ever like, do you think they were trying to find something for John Stamos to host? America's coolest shit. Yeah. America's coolest uncles. America's best bolo ties

america's best nickel-plated belts yeah america's best pseudo beach boys member bongo boy yeah he's the hottest beach boy. The hottest beach boy. The newest beach boy. The hottest beach boy. They're all 70 years old. Speaking of conservative rants, here's the beach boys. Oh, yeah, yeah. That Mike Love is really a... Oh, my God.

What a nightmare. And he like... The only song he wrote was Kokomo. That was his big contribution. He wrote Good Vibrations. That's the only one? Oh. He wrote Good Vibrations, I think. He did? I think so. At least the lyrics. kokomo that was his big contribution that's the only one oh he wrote goodbye vibrations i think

he did i think so at least the lyrics look i'm not a musician well i play music but i'm not a musician you know i don't do that for a living songwriting seems very far-fetched and hard to me no kidding but i feel like this song good vibrations writes itself yeah that's just out there in the ether real dick and just be like once you start writing good vibrations and you're like i'm just gonna rhyme through this thing it's it's already there i mean okay so here uh fully formed in the universe he co-wrote fun fun fun now that's yes i believe that believe that. I get around. At the end of one of the songs. Hey, let me go. Oh, sorry.

It's just one song he literally contributed three words to. Which one? At the end where it sings goodnight baby or something like that. He said goodnight sweet baby. That was his whole contribution to the song. Wow. So can I interrupt and ask you guys are you into the beach boys in any way shape or form you know are you are you uh what's your vibe

no i'm not into them i don't dislike them but i'm not uh you know i'm not reaching for like uh you know do i have pet sounds and do have i thought it yeah have i believed people who said it was the greatest thing yeah you know yeah oh good yeah oh it's so good it's so good oh my god yeah yeah yeah this is what pushed the beatles to do sergeant pepper i get it yeah sure um yeah i like them i i like that era the all the um brian wilson stuff is uh if he went off his own i would have followed his trajectory if he kind of broke up early from the beach boys and went to his own thing but right now what would his uh his band be called oh boy the beach boys the beach man he's just yeah dudes i just i'm curious because like i just have never literally no one i've had one friend who was like into the beach boys and she was really only just

into pet sounds so like i it's just funny it's the beach boys are just like a funny anomaly to me that are like a thing i do love around that like nobody in my family was like threw on the beach boys like i just i'd never heard it other than in movies you know yeah well exactly like your your teen wolves and whatnot right yeah you're look who's talking and you're look who's talking too oh yeah um did they say the beach boys in there uh i'm pretty sure that like the opening scene of look who's talking which is the uh sperm conception scene is the sperm start like swimming to get around get around i get around very silly now is that the best opening to a movie that's ever been done define best just like you're on board right away you're like what the hell's

going on on board right away i feel like there was like a distinct period of my life where look who's talking was in the vcr and playing on the television a lot like at my friend's house there so i uh you know how there's a wordle oh yeah, yeah. Oh, I do know that. And there's all these variations on wordle. There's hurdle, where you name that tune. And there's one I like called actor-le. Oh, yeah. I tried to do this. Yeah.

Is this the IMDb one? Yeah, it is. It shows you. Every day, you have to guess the actor, and it gives you a list of 20 movies with the names crossed out. You can't see the names of the movies. But they've starred in every single one kind of thing? Yeah. And it tells you what years those movies came out and the genres and sort of like what their rating out of 10 is.

Yeah, the IMDb rating. And there was one, I got John Travolta in one guess because it was like, it was a movie, a musical movie in 77, a musical movie in 78. Oh, and it's their 20 highest grossing movies. Yeah. Yeah. And then nothing until 1989. And I was like, this is John Travolta.

This is absolutely John. And then 1994. Yeah. And 1989 is going to be Look Who's Talking. It's very funny to me because I remember, you know, like everybody's like, John Travolta's back for Pulp Fiction. But I'm like, what about Look Who's Talking, you guys? He never left.

Yeah, he's been here the whole time, right under your nose. Look Who's Talking is pure Travolta. It is. Like, well, who's the, is it Bruce Willis is the baby? Yeah, Bruce Willis does the voice. And did, was Rose does the voice and did was rosanne the voice of the in the second one yeah and then lucas talking now which is the third one danny devito danny devito devito and rhea perlman voiced the pets because they were just

like what the fuck we can't have more kids. Now, did they? At least 50 years old. At that point, were the brother and sister already grown up enough that you didn't have to hear their inner monologues? I think so. I never watched that one. Head Sounds, really? It could be a name for that one. Yeah, that would have been good. That's what Ryan Wilson's band should have been called, is Look Who's Talking 3.

Yes. Look Who's Talking Now. Look Who's Talking Now. That does sound like a Ryan Wilson songson song look who's talking now yeah to put a bow on this it's help me ronda he also co-wrote okay uh help me uh rhea perlman and uh california girls and good vibrations california girls is my favorite genre of music which is listing people from different places yeah and also it's California based

so you got your Katy Perry's in there yeah sure but you also have your Midwest Farmer's Dolls the Northern Girls they keep you warm at night oh my god the genre listing gals from places yeah that's a genre that is uh you know it's it's timeless yeah and lizzo has a song about boys from different places

all my exes live in texas that's uh yeah that's why i live in tennessee yeah um that one where johnny cash says how the places he's done, but maybe if a woman sings it, then it could be women. The men she's done? Yeah. Calvin Harris, before he was a famous DJ, had a song about different races of girls he likes. Oh.

I bet you that's aged well. I mean, he mentions every race, I think. He even says mixed race. Wow. Can I say that I had to fill out a medical questionnaire for my annual physical? And it gave me the option. It was trying to get all this information that

you could opt out of. And I did. I opt out of a lot of it. One of the questions, I'm trying to pull it up real quick. I don't know where it is. I think threw it out was like white caucasian european white like if you if you selected white caucasian you then got a subsection which was white slash caucasian europe European or white. I'm mixed race. I'm Caucasian European and white. Yeah, I like that it gives you two chances to say that. I'm white on my

mother's side and Caucasian on my father's. Oh, it was Armenian, European white, white, not listed. That was the all the options for white. Armenian? And that was it? Armenian, European and white or white colon not listed i go with white no i'm gonna go with white not listed yeah yeah because my phone number isn't

listed and yeah exactly keep me out of those white pages that's my favorite subgenre of white of white white not listed i'm yeah i'm you know emo core now i'm trying to think of other songs that are naming people in places this is oh um it's like uh well i mean there's the uh rocking me by uh steve miller when he's phoenix arizona all the way to Tacoma I mean, yeah, that's in there That's really good There's the Going Back to Saskatoon by the Guess Who

Wow, Dave, you've got a lot of these Keep going, man Keep listing all these places Yeah, this is fantastic Wherein they list the places Yeah Boy, oh, there's one on the tip of my tongue i can't get it though you guys you could do the rest of the show while i research um yeah well i feel like

by the end of the show i will percolate it one of my i'll have thought of one yeah let that be our mission for the rest of the podcast oh well there's um uh missy elliot where she goes black white puerto rican chinese boys that's true yeah kind of some kind of racist i mean now are we just oh it has to either be types of people or places sure yeah blue people places or people from places okay we didn't start the fire by building a good one that's very good i guess jfk is a blown away i guess what more do i have to say you know was it salt and pepper that uh said that the the man that she likes is uh has an arnold body but a denzel face that's naming it which you said was so offensive to Arnold.

Everything but your weird face, Arnold. Yeah. River. Yes. Before the show started, you said, I hope you can't hear the chickens outside. I did say that. Tell me about the chickens. Yeah, I want to know about the chickens.

Sure. Yeah. I have chickens on the one side of me.'re not mine my neighbor has some chickens like probably five or six chickens oh like yeah okay a rooster one of them got into our yard once and are they free range in their backyard or they yeah i don't know if they have a coop or not which is like pretty sketchy because there's coyotes you know there's like legit coyotes here um and so one time you know we're just like plots of land next to each other pretty we're our place our space is very tiny we're like kind of wedged in between two very large yards like there's houses behind us on the street behind us and their backyards go all the way past us so that's why they have space for chickens.

Right. And one time one of the chickens like jumped over and was just in our yard. I have no idea how she got over here. Cause it's a, the fence is very high and they don't fly. So yes, I am. You know,

they're famous for their wings, but they do not fly. They're famous for wings. Mostly breast, but just hung out out and then we were trying to get her back to where she needed to go and she was like nope and went to the other yard and then we never saw her again so i don't know if she got back or not but they have like five or six chickens and a rooster and the rooster crows at about 4 p.m why 4 p.m that's like not anytime

before i am yeah i think he grows pretty pretty early early, but like it's not loud enough to wake us up, thank God. Yeah. But it is very loud during the day when you're fully awake and aware. It's pretty loud and weird. And how long does it go on for? Like 15 minutes. Really? But it's not like a constant 15 minutes.

It's just like he does it for about 15 minutes but there's like chickens and roosters all over this neighborhood really is it is it all over la is it are you allowed to keep chickens yeah i don't i don't know there's i mean they're definitely all over los angeles and i feel like east la there's more just this side of things because the West side tends to be more about appearances and chickens don't really fall into that category. And I also, there's a pig on the other side. What? Oh, man.

Like a full, like a pot belly, but she's huge. She's a big gal. Is your neighbor George Clooney? I wish. He's always trying to get me tequila. No, her name's Pearl, which is funny. Yes, that's so great. Pearl before swine.

That's very funny. She's huge, though. She's very big. Yeah. As piglets, they're the most deliciously cute thing in the world. And then, boy, do they keep growing. They kind of never keep growing. They just get big, man.

Yeah. Huge. They're very smart, apparently. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're like dogs. They're smart or smarter than dogs. Yeah. I don't want to screw up.

Have you noticed any intelligent behavior over the fence? Oh, for sure. I mean, definitely. She's definitely like, I mean's they're social like dogs are you know they have that kind of intelligence of like i know who you are and i would like to hang out with you you know kind of a thing and that's what's a bummer is that like she's just in her thing right and she doesn't really i've seen her out a little bit but she doesn't get to really like hang out with anybody or anything so that's kind of a bummer because you're just like man this is just like a sweetie little dog that doesn't get to hang out

with anybody yeah would you ever go over and say can i please go pet your pig which sounds like a euphemism for something no i mean yeah first of all i would never say that to another human being because it does sound like i'm trying to do something Dave Coulier like. How old's your pig? Hey, is that pig 18 or what? I just like as a white guy, I'm just like I'm going to leave you alone.

Okay, fair enough. Yeah, we're the worst. Whenever I mention things about like pigs and stuff stuff like that people are like oh well you're living in the portland of los angeles and i'm like no i'm not what are you talking about yes it's being gentrified but like you're that's really it's really uh unintelligent thing to say that like oh i assume that the people that have chickens and pigs are white people pretending to be farmers or whatever and it's like no the reality is it's like just actually people's lives you know

like it's not it's not some put on thing idea you know what i mean yeah like sometimes you just get a pair of overalls that look really good and you're like yeah that's right sometimes it just works yeah maybe i do live in the portland of los angeles i I do live in the Portland of Los Angeles. I actually, I live in the Island of Dr. Moreau. There's a lot of pig men and women. Yeah. Yeah.

Umbrellas. A lot of sunscreen. A lot of umbrellas and fans. Where was the box hanging around? Is the plot of that, that he's made human-animal guys? Yeah. Okay.

I've never seen that movie. Me neither. Oh, and there's a song from the soundtrack that's like, I like pig men. I like horse women. No, I'm thinking, I'm just going back to our genre. From Arkansas. I bought that full.

I totally bought that. I'm very gullible post-pandemic. It's not over over but you know exactly whatever this place is that we're in listen for me dave where are we where are we now we're currently in the uh boy post-covid pre-covid post-covid pre-covid we're we're like omnicron five but like denver comedy is open. That's right. What am I doing? You know?

Joe Biden, totally fine, working through it. Oh, that's right. He's got the COVID. I heard that since Top Gun came out, that the sale of aviators is, aviator sunglasses is up. You mean since 1986? No, the new Top Gun. But biden is like mr aviator does he not get any of the credit no nobody's wearing that shit because of joe biden i do there might be a couple old guys that are like hey man we can still we can hey man i like the president

yeah yeah that guy's cool president that guy's cool he called me malarkey at one point his friend soda pop came over yeah and then corn pop really threw down corn pop i like soda pop too what was corn pop corn pop was actually a real thing which is messed up that it was real what is corn pop oh he did he there was some footage of him talking to right it was like a group of kids or something yeah and he was talking about when he was a tough kid and his buddy's name was corn pop yeah and i think they had chains well i'm missing any part of that story i think they were i feel like there was some like race stuff that he was talking about.

It was like a black kid. He was a lifeguard, I think. That's right. He was at a pool. Yeah, yeah. Kind of remembering. And there was some street toughs who happened to be black and happened to be named Corn Pop, you know?

But it was actually true. Yeah. I think worse. we tracked down corn pop he works at kmart oh oh no well i mean a job's a job right yeah kmart still exists no no it's a bad guess bad Bad riff. Does JCPenney still exist? Yes. All right. Let's head over there. I've seen it. I've walked past it.

It still exists. Cool. It has signs out front that says, let's get back to shopping. Mmm. Nice. Are these post-pandemic signs? Yeah, they are. They are. Let's do it.

Come in here, please. They're just general slogans. These are from 1988. Spend $5 here. We have to do it. Yeah here please general slogan spend $5 here we have to do it we have dockers oh god yeah there was that period just after 9-11 where they were like

go shopping if you want to do something shop for freedom the economy who gives a shit about the economy you know who gives a shit about the economy economists sears is closing is it they're the baseball fans of the economy yeah the sears closing was a big, brutal one, because I remember my grandmother bought me some craftsman things, and she was like, that has a lifetime guarantee.

And it turned out it was only her lifetime. Yeah, well, Sears, I feel like that was Christmas shopping. You could go to Sears and get everything that you wanted for Christmas. Did you get the catalog? Yeah, I think. I got a couple of those catalogs. I spent some serious time with some hiking boots in those catalogs. Oh, yeah.

Nice. Back in 95 or so. Remember that? When hiking boots was the thing you were supposed to wear? I think that kids are into it now. They're wearing the hiking boots. They're wearing all sorts of... I mean...

I've always been into it because I love to hike. I love the trails I love trail mix I love Gorp uh big Gorp guy big Gorp guy the kids Graham

are into everything it's kind of like it's very strange to watch because I thought for sure I was like there's no way

after going through the 2000s and the 2010s I was like there's no way that we're going back to oversized clothing. Absolutely no way.

Now, here we are. I saw somebody in jean coats yesterday. Straight up jean coats. Really? Like, not any jean coats. Jean coats? Wow. Like, stove pipes or whatever those things were, like a 29 inch yeah can you wear

them and not listen to uh rave music or sublime rap metal yeah whatever that's a great question i'm curious like what the music is for that do you listen to the music of the pants yes do the pants just follow your music yeah because what would it be now i don't understand i don't know what it is there's no way you're listening to harry styles and wearing that you know you might be though it's new i haven't ever seen uh i've seen people with them and they don't seem to have any through line except the size of the pants that seems to be like so I think it's like, that's just the pants you need to participate in the conversation.

They don't have like a baby doll tee and also like a ball and chain Joker. It's just the big pants. And then just whatever shirt. When's the wallet chain going to come back? Tick, tick, tick moments away. We're moments away.

I mean, we're in a cashless society do we i have the smallest wallet of my life right now guys i do too yeah yeah just cards no no cash no nothing i take out every time i need cash i take out a like anytime i have like a specific thing or a specific person i need to pay with cash that sounds nefarious but it's a specific person it's uh it's it's truly not um sex work is real work guys that's right i uh take out an extra 20 for myself and now I have $120 in my wallet. Yeah, nice little treat. Gotta justify that

$6 fee that they charge you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and then get a couple of them busted into quarters. You could go play a slot. I can't get any more 20s out though. I don't think the little guy can. I had a little guy like that.

And then I was starting to carry cash again. Because I get paid cash for shows. And then if I don't have a wallet, then it's just in every pocket of every pair of pants. Yes. That's my motto. It's a pretty good investment system, honestly,

these days. I'm still finding dollar bills in my JNCOs. I mean, those pockets are a mile deep. Exactly. when i was a teenager i wore giant big pants and they swish so much that they like rubbed all of my leg hair off yeah on the one side i was and i thought it was like well that's gonna that's gonna be how i am forever i'm just gonna have half a hairy leg. This is me now. Yeah, exactly. Old half hair leg.

Yeah. Maybe I'll start wearing stockings or something like that. Where did you lose the hair? Bottom of the leg? Top leg? Side leg. Side leg. Outside.

Inside, actually. Inside. Inside, yeah. Inside leg. Yeah. Here we are at the inside leg. This is NBC Sports. We're at the inside leg yeah and uh here we are at the inside leg this is nbc sports we're at the inside a tragedy today at the inside like mutilated by a pair of ginkgo stovepipe jeans yeah man i love the look i'm excited it's back i had boot cut i know that's as big as i ever that's as big as you went yeah interesting i feel like i definitely raged against the machine and went

like super tight with dickies but even those weren't like what was yeah after you do gene cos yeah in 1998 or whatever what was tight then was still pretty big yeah you were still 10 years away from skinny jeans yeah skinny jeans which i i never did i tried but uh the key word is skinny yeah yeah and the other word is jeans so they're hard to get on anyway they're super hard to get on yeah uh and i well i mean i did definitely do like the low-rise britney christina look yeah it was yeah dave was a juicy Pink on your butt yep You could see my pubes All the people in the red carpet Yeah Von Dutch hat Dave what's going on with you man

Well speaking of clothes This week I finally watched A movie Called House of Gucci movie called House of Gucci ah yes House of Gucci have you seen it River? I haven't I have the screener on my

shelf have you seen it Graham? yeah I watched it on an airplane let's talk about it it was not it was unsatisfying in the sense that it was like I was excited for it because i was like oh this is the kind of movie that i feel like any this is going to be a sunday afternoon thing that for years it was just going to come on tv and i'll be like oh yeah i'll watch that and then it just

didn't live up to it it wasn't it it was boring without being fun like it was boring without being fun. Like it was bad without being fun. That's the worst. Have you guys seen the new Jurassic Park movie? I haven't seen the last seven Jurassic Park movies. Yeah. I saw the first new one. I saw Jurassic World. Yeah.

Period. And then I was like, no, thank you. I don't. Yeah. Nope. So I didn't see the second one and then this third one my partner and I just needed something to do

and I was like it's gonna be a fun big thing and the original three are in it right they were great and it was like hard to watch a movie with them in it because it made the rest of it so bad right you're like oh this is what acting is

like so similar to what you're talking about dave it's like i thought it was going to be bad fun but it was bad bad yeah it was just like yeah not even bad chaotic bad it was just like bad bad in this gucci movie it felt like every take it was so loose like it felt like every take before they started rolling you like al pacino or jared leto or lady gaga who said right before they said action they said how about i try something like this and then walk around with my weird accent and man jared leto in that movie that's what i liked about it was that he did an italian character it's as if he had only ever seen a super mario brothers yeah that's what he was basing his accent on wow and i had no problem with any of their accents i've like but there was just some

you guys are clearly not italian yeah i guess and i haven't seen this but i could tell like dave was reached for comment and he didn't have a problem with their accent. But it was just like, no fun. It was like, no soul. What do you think happened? Because I've been watching some 90s movies, and I feel like even when they're not good, they still have something. Yeah.

What are you watching 190 style well the first one that the most recent one is dead man walking okay which you know hits a lot different at 39 than it did at 13 or 15 or whatever I was when I watched it the first time

that's Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins directed it and wrote it with sister helen prejean oh wow just try to keep that guy away from a jail movie he that's the only movie you directed though oh imagine if the only movie you directed a was dead man walking and b you got nominated for basically everything but Best Picture. Oh, really? Yes.

Slap in the face. I think they didn't get nominated for screenplay. But director, actor, but not the movie itself. I walked into, the TV was just on the other day and I walked into the room. And it was, no one was in the room i i guess i had left the tv on spooky yeah this is spooky she was on first i don't know wait that's third um the uh it was king of queens was on yeah and this is not a show i've ever seen before i know it's never seen king of queens you know what it might have been mike and molly

oh yeah no that's easier to believe that you've have been mike and molly oh yeah no that's easier to believe that you've never seen mike and molly i mean that makes sense and mike melissa mccarthy right yeah yeah and mike it's insane that she was on that thing and mike is uh mike is a cop and he is uh in the cold open susan sarandon has driven her car off the road and she's drunk. And so he's like talking to her. And that's the whole cold open of the show is her trying to get out of being arrested for drunk driving. Is it in New York? Is it like, I don't know.

And also when you said Susan Sarandon, I thought you meant she was playing herself. I walked in in the middle, so she might be. She probably was. She was driving a Jaguar, so I don't know what she drives in real life. Yeah, playing herself. But I was like, oh, is this a thing on this show? Is this an ongoing... I can't imagine either of you can answer this, but is it an ongoing thing on Mike and Molly

that there's a celebrity under arrest in the cold open yeah that it happens every week but it's a different celebrity yeah yeah that would be good that would that's a great idea honestly i would watch other than i mean i don't like cops but i would watch that what what did cops ever do nothing that's the problem so you saw House of Gucci I saw House of Gucci it's lacking I watched it over two days which is

spread that baby out and the other thing well it's summertime and the weather is hot the one thing I like to do in the summer is I bake pies. And, buddy, I made a couple pies this week. And they were so good. That's kind of the whole thing.

Are you putting these things on windowsills or what? Oh, man. If only there were. But the hobos around this neighborhood they're just they're constantly flying around it's just like you see them floating on a trail of yes of smell yeah they've taken that fish bones right out of your garbage can yeah sure that's my trash yeah um what did you make what kind i made a blackberry okay nice and one i'd never made before peach oh because it's oh they're so juicy oh yeah this pie was so, way too juicy. This was a big, wet pie. This was a pie I had to, like, tilt over the drain. Oh, well.

I feel like peaches, I've had this conversation before. I am a nectarines over peaches guy any day. Really throwing down a gauntlet here. But you can't really make a nectarine pie. Look. I feel like peaches only exist to be Canned, pied, put on other things You know, cobblers I mean

I'll eat a peach Sure, but is it good? That's my question I had a peach right before the podcast And it was amazing, it was religious I had the same experience with a nectarine recently. I truly could not. I've had nectarines.

Is a nectarine some kind of hybrid with a peach and something else? Where did a nectarine come from? God. Prants. Are there any other peach hybrids that are like am I thinking of something else? Are you thinking of a pluot?

I'm definitely not. But I like that i think that was in wordle um but i yeah nectarine i'm i'm just suspicious of nectarines because i think i feel like they are watching you well i feel like they're kind of they's sort of like um stealing a peach's valor oh interesting but if but maybe i should you know reach out reach across the aisle but i feel like the most ripe nectarine like even the most ripe peach has nothing on a perfectly ripe nectarine see this is this is where we're gonna have to go our separate ways this is where you're gonna have to leave the podcast i'm not educated enough in nectarines uh is so in los angeles yeah um are these fruits available all the time and like are they in season they're in season right now okay they're available all the time but they taste like

shit okay if you're not in season because they just never get like ripe or whatever yeah there's like a two-week window where peaches are are yeah same with nectarines and i like grew up on them too and i grew up on like canned peaches and stuff i think that's also why is the canning of the peaches sets the bar way too high for like sweetness yeah and you never can get to it from just the actual fruit itself but a nectarine i believe touches that okay i mean i'm willing to try yeah i mean the window may be closing i mean you're right in there you got to go to the store after this i know but i have so many peaches and dave's got pies to make that's his whole summer i'm uh what's your next pie gonna be he's a pie man i don't know about the next pie i do have a uh crust i made it it's in the freezer

with the waiting i made five crusts last year and never made a pie. Oh no. Abby made quiches. So many quiches. What's your favorite pie to make, Dave? Either one. I like them all. Is there a pie you don't like? I wouldn't make a cherry.

I'm suspicious of anything with a glaze to it. I made a key lime once that made, it was an, I ended up throwing up that night. I don't blame the pie, but I also. Can't disconnect them in your head.

I don't want the pie again. Yeah. I also threw up probably three cans of peaches once. Okay. That would be perfect. Well, here we go in kind of sloopy. Yeah. That's kind of a one-to-one and i just remember standing on a chair and all the adults were like cleaning it up

they were like stand up here because i just barfed everywhere had you were you standing on a chair because you did a big like beer bong of canned peaches yeah they turn me upside down i did a peach stand um i get my peaches down in georgia oh yeah i got mine in a can that are put there by a man oh that's true two famous peaches songs um and uh so yeah that's what's going on with me the other thing that's going on is i'm back like my my seven-year- old is sort of out of this phase for a while. Yeah man. But my five year old is right in it.

I'm back to my role as the tooth fairy. Oh welcome back. Oh this is why you need cash. You gotta pay the lady. You gotta pay the lady. That's right. Just swipe her square that she has the kid wakes up there's a qr code on her pillow what's this oh nothing

xoxo tooth fairy so i'm back to sneaking around waiting for the child to fall asleep sneaking around but now i have the added thing of having to wait for the seven-year-old to fall asleep because she still believes. Right. So I have to like, it's, it's, it's, I'm the only one stressed out by this. I just imagine you trying to sneak in and do this and not wake anybody up while also carrying two pies. That's true. I don't trust anybody around these pies. I'm going to set down these pies.

I think a listener once had a suggestion that I started doing where where because the teeth are so tiny we we you you have like we have these little kind of like um have you got some rings that came in like a silk tiny little silk bag and we're like oh put the tooth in the silk bag and we have two of them two two silk bags so uh i put the money in the other one so i can just swap the bags oh nice right nice nice little one too yeah yeah i thought you were gonna say that you kept all of their teeth in one of these bags oh i have all the teeth you want any make a make a maraca for uh their graduation or something my mom came over the other day and we were talking about it. And apparently all of our teeth are like in the backyard of the old house. She would just throw them out the window.

You see this cat with huge teeth? Well, they're baby teeth. I know, but you know, a cat's so small. Big for a cat. A a pig on the other hand oh sure oh the tiniest chicken big teeth huge teeth yeah huge teeth on a chicken yeah so so that's what i'm going that's what i'm back up to okay what's what's going on with you? Um, uh,

river for the last couple episodes, um, a friend of the podcast, Emmett Hall found, uh, on Craigslist, an ad for a guy named Desi. It was, uh,

advertising that he owned a pizzeria, but basically what it was, it was frozen pizzas that he would bake for you and deliver at any time of the day yeah so if you're in all the pizza pizzerias of clothes desi will cook a frozen pizza in his uh home wow and deliver it at three in the morning yeah three in the morning did you have i asked do you have a choice of frozen pizza? You do. Or is that Desi's description? Oh, okay.

And on the website, there's no contact information. Well, there is, but the only way to contact online is you press a button that says get quote. So you have to get a quote for your pizza. So I did that. That was what I did last week. Did you ever hear back? No, I never heard back. And then today, I found on the website a phone number.

So I tried to call the phone. It was the Toronto area code. Yeah. It's just number one. And I tried to call it and it said that it was only available by Skype. So now we're in a danger zone that all of a sudden I've had to deal with Skype, which I haven't in forever. Oh, they suck. You're going to have to dig up your Skype password.

Oh, man. I had to get it. Booty, booty, doody. You know, it sings you a little song while you're waiting. Because we all love hold music. Oh, yeah. And Skype. Skype was the king of the hold because it would just freeze up all the time

just on hold all the time yeah um so uh yeah it said you know only on skype so then skype deserved to have its ass kicked by zoom as far as i'm concerned because they make it so hard they they had to send my email to get my new password to my hotmail account which then i had to go into my gmail account to figure out what the login for the hotmail account this is going on and on i buy enough credit you have to buy credits to yeah i called call failed call failed call failed so i don't i don't know that Desi's in business anymore. So you did this today? I did this today, yeah.

When you realized, oh, we're recording. I've got to follow up this pizza story. I wanted to see if he would deliver earlier in the day. I was going to wait until midnight or one in the morning, but then I was like, I have to stay up until one in the morning, and then longer for Desi to get in his car and bring it all desi before you go to bed tonight call the number and see if it works at night okay because we have to check in on episode 751 yeah we have to stretch this into a fourth episode yeah this is uh it's important stuff it's uh you know it's what the fans crave.

So I'm just giving them the content they want. Delivered frozen pizzas. Yeah. What are your favorite frozen pizzas, you guys? I like a Delicio. Is that in the States, Delicio? I don't think so. I feel like we have that, but it's called something else.

Yeah. We were confused about Delicio and DiGiorno. They're the same company, but one's Canadian, one's American. Yeah, that was going to be my guess with no other context clues but what you said. So it's definitely that. There is a local brand, but I don't know. They sell them at Choices and Welks, and they're pretty good. I like the Giuseppe ones.

There's like a little off-market giuseppe i like that sounds very authentic yes it's muy authentic river are you you vegan no well no i'm not i would not say that i'm vegan i have drastically reduced my dairy intake but it's an age thing and not not like anything else um but i've been vegetarian my whole life right i was like raised vegetarian i've never never eaten but you so you have had frozen pizza i'm sure oh my god too much yeah i've had to like cut it out like i just don't like dave coulier cut it out exactly yes precisely that is the only thing i do like dave coulier um my favorite is jacks they're like two dollars tell me about jacks yeah we don't know if jacks they are a regional brand

i like uh posted about them because i i only experienced them when i moved to chicago so it's like the chicagoland area so like wisconsin michigan indiana that kind of space iowa a little bit um and like you can get them at 7-eleven and stuff and they're very like cheap that's in air quotes but they're good they're like actually they like taste good they don't taste like cardboard like it actually tastes like a it legit there are definitely restaurants that i've gotten pizza at that taste similar to that you know what i mean it's like there's a lot of variety to pizza out there when you buy it um and so to me it's like one of my favorite pizzas period oh really because it's just so

simple and it tastes good you know yeah i um i think this guy was on to something i think like there's many times where like 3 30 in the morning i want to eat something don't have anything in the house yeah not close to any 24-hour store yeah and uh like easily i could eat a pizza at 3 30 in the morning why not i wonder if the like like uber eats or um postmates if the if those drivers who stay up late clean up yeah like the ones who are like i'm gonna i'm doing a i'm pulling a midnight to 4 a.m shift and i'm not in the u.s anymore no i know he wants to work yeah no there's we like passed the thing and everything costs so much more now oh really we we passed this thing called prop 22 in los angeles like a ride a lift ride which is not the same as like uber eats or whatever but i think it affected everything like it's a hundred dollars one way

to go to the airport in a lift now oh wow what was it in a cab it used it's like 60 wow because i've taken a cat like i got stuck at the airport and was going to take a lift there there were no lifts and they were also like a hundred dollars so i just took a cab wow and now i just drive my if i have to go if i'm going to the airport i just drive and park and it's cheaper or the same amount you know yeah wow and you don't have to like wait in a line or whatever i go everywhere on my electric unicycle i wear knee pads and uh motorcycle gear mostly yeah yeah of course these leather jacket wallet chain wallet chain sure yeah i mean it's dangerous yeah he wears dickies with flames on them yeah

you get caught in that one wheel yeah uh that one wheel is oh absolutely big old wheel it's tearing out all the hair on the inside of my legs like like jinkos i saw a guy on one of those like single wheel just electric guys who was so in control of it that he was able to unwrap something and throw the garbage in a can without breaking like stride or even having to rebalance so people who do it they look cool when people are doing it yeah i did see a guy on one of those i think it was last night in the middle of the night like it was fully nighttime you know like post 9 p.m um in all black like he was literally wearing all black the only lights on the thing were on the thing you know so like down by the ground um maybe it was a celebrity and they didn't want to get caught during the day

you think it was blade it was jared leto um what uh have you ever ridden that or a hoverboard or anything like one of those segue style things that just uses your kind of body balance to go forward no machine wants to balance my body so all machines are like you're on your own balance wise i one time right when hoverboards like like the hoverboard thing that's the that's the thing with the wheels on the side right that like twists um i was doing a segment for you guys remember a friend of the show paul f tompkins had a show called no you shut up oh yes and i was the first and only human correspondent oh right oh wow um and i did a segment and they like i don't it was like you know when you're shooting those things like so much stuff is happening and you're just trying to get whatever and we were shooting outside of the forum the old forum and so it's

just like a parking lot but not an active one so it's pretty gravelly and stuff and somebody was like oh we're gonna get a hoverboard from snoop dogg or something like snoop dogg was like shooting something i don't know it was just like so ridiculous right and then somebody shows up with this hoverboard and i'm in a suit you know like i'm trying to it's like daily show style like i'm in a suit with like dress shoes on and they're like just try it and i'm like i am gonna lose my teeth like this is not that so that's my only experience i also really wanted to do it well but i couldn't i saw a mother a mother son duo on one of those electric scooters today, and that was pretty cute.

Yeah. Was it like a full-size one or like a tiny one? It was a full-size one, but no, it was a tiny one. But I haven't seen that combo before. Kid and mom riding around together. Saving money. I've never ridden one of those either. Have you guys ridden those things?

No. Yeah. They're not here yet. there's some company that does them well we have them we don't have the the rental ones uh yes that's right yeah you don't have that scourge now i i diminish them but at this i i wish it's just you can't just introduce something like that to the structure that we already have you know what i mean it's like it's such a great idea like the places that i've seen it where it's like also a nightmare is like nashville or something like that you know where you're like this makes a lot of sense to just have people on these things as opposed to 20 cabs coming through here whatever but the cabs are still coming through so it's like just this nightmare of like am i gonna watch a person die on a scooter right now?

Well, you got it at some point. That's a rite of passage. That's right, yeah. If I was riding one of those scooters, I would the whole time be singing to myself, I get around, around, around, around, I get around. I would be singing, way down in Kokomo, Aruba, Jamaica. Oh, that's another one that tells you where you want to go.

Yes. That's true. Nice. Nice. Keylargo, Montego. Do we want to move on to some overheards? Yeah, let's go to overheards. Hey there.

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That's MaximumFun.org slash survey. Thanks. I'm Lisa Hanawalt. And I'm Emily Heller. Nine years ago, we started a podcast to try and learn something new every episode. Things have gone a little off the rails since then. Tune in to hear about... Low-stakes neighborhood drama.

Gardening. The sordid, nasty underbelly of the horse girl lifestyle. Hot sauce. Addiction to TV and sweaty takes on celebrity culture. And the weirdest, grossest stuff you can find on wikipedia.org we'll read all of it no matter how gross there's something for everyone on our podcast baby geniuses hosted by us two horny adult idiots hang out with us as we try and fail to retain any knowledge at all every other week on maximum fun Overheard

Overheard When you hear that song You know it's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over

It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over It's over I'm a good, I'm a good true i've got i've got uh that's my uh that's my burden just the way i was born um overheards if you hear something great out there share it and uh we always love to start with the guest river would you please oh wait am i supposed to have an overheard yes oh man graham oh wow oh no i i definitely mentioned that in the email i'm not i mean i'm not gonna look it back up but i don't have one i'm okay that's okay no worries no worries hey man i wish i could think

of one hey i heard the rooster i just heard the rooster did you there you go that's my overheard hear that rooster crocodile do um yeah that's a good overheard a rooster in the middle of the day rooster in the middle of the day it passes i like it uh dave do you have an overheard yeah i was at iga your independent grocer yeah and uh i i don't usually go there but if i can i. There's only a couple in town still. Yeah. And I was in the produce section. Sorry, the rooster. The rooster, yeah. I guess he goes at 4 and 5.30. Oh, sure, yeah.

And traffic on the one. That's right. But in the produce section, it had like salads. Like there were just signs in every part of the produce section. Yeah. So it was like salad stuff and sliced fruit. And then I noticed that there was one section that said tofu, the humble bean curd. It takes its time.

It's not flashy. I would say the tofu is pretty humble i'll say as a person who was a raised vegetarian in the 1980s in akron ohio who ate tofu for lunch just cold cubed up it is at least pretty humbling is it uh is that like a snack that you long for you have uh yeah i will still eat it like that wow i couldn't do it a lot of people think i'm weird for that but i'm just like i don't know i your body does crave protein you know but like you can get it from other things so i remember seeing a friend of mine who was also vegetarian just like put his whole hand in a peanut butter jar and just like shove peanut butter in his mouth because he just really needed protein in that moment so that's kind of the

way i feel about tofu is like i will just like eat like a i could eat a brick of it yeah i i really like it well i mean if you do send us a video and i will i'll send you a video at ohmygod.com yeah to af af yeah america's funniest foam video why hey why did america's funniest home videos call themselves afv why what happened to the h oh yeah like is it just assumed that these are home videos like it's too many letters they will not remember i don't understand like i don't like the sound of a afhv well did it change when the hosts, when it went from Bob Saget to Tom Bergeron? I feel like it changed to America's Funniest Videos. It was never America's Funniest Videos.

I'm certain of it, but they did shorten it to AFV. I feel like this might be some Mandela effect. Are we talking about the bernstein bears right now also called america's funniest on wikipedia america's funny tone videos also called america's funniest videos abbreviated as afv and occasionally afhv i mean okay and it's weird this doesn't satisfy anyone it's saying we're all right, which has to be wrong. Yeah, that's right. A consensus.

Um, I didn't remind you about the overheard. That was my, that's on me. Oh, that's all right. Um, Dave, do you have an overheard? Um, what? I said, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I had an overseen. It was the humble bean curd.

Sorry. It was literally, it was over curd. Um, but as I'm looking this up, I now see that between Bob Saget and Tom Bergeron there was a time when it was hosted by John Fuglesang and Daisy Fuentes. Who's John Fuglesang? They tried to make it

cool. I mean, they didn't need to try. They already had a good thing going. You don't need to put a hat on a hat graham do you have an overheard i do but who's john fuselzang is he what is his name fusel fuselzang john fuselzang he's a comedian he's's like a MTV style pundit. Oh, okay. I think he was on VH1 a lot. That's what I remember

him from. He was one of these guys. You remember these guys? They would always deliver everything. It was like kind of Dennis what's his name? Dennis Miller. Dennis Miller style but like left liberal or whatever. For the listener river. Like music. Bouncing his head around. music is bouncing his head around his head

around with a with one eyeball with one eye crooked you know hey um my overheard was uh we've got these neat little plazas that are located uh very close to where i live and they're just picnic tables and chairs and people can hang out and eat their lunch or have a coffee or whatever and uh so i was in one and this happens in the plaza from time to time somebody will eat there and leave all their trash behind which is very that episode of mad men where they just flop it over yeah um so there was a guy there and he was, he couldn't find a place to sit, but there was a table that had a bunch of, uh, sushi paraphernalia. And he, he's, he went to go sit in it and literally everyone around him said, oh, he's coming back. He's coming back.

That guy's coming back. And, uh, the guy said, yeah, well, when he comes back, he can take his garbage with him. And then when the guy came back, he was like, oh, Larry is his next door neighbor. So, yeah, they is his next door neighbor. So yeah, they had a nice reunion. Uh, probably kind of sushi head babysitting your trash. Hey,

cool trash. Hey, uh, so I'm on the Wikipedia page for America's funniest home videos. Okay. Okay. 32 seasons of this show. Wow.

745 episodes. We just beat them wow congratulations you guys thank you that's an incredible achievement and uh and only a few of our episodes were hosted by john fugle saying and daisy fuentes daisy fuentes you almost had me saying fusel saying uh still saying and fusel saying to you i do have an overheard that i just remembered time ago i can throw it in there you bet because i was searching my memory for anything recent that stuck out to me but i can't i just cannot think of anything but i do remember this um and it came up recently with a friend who who fell into a michael bolton moment uh via spotify because she sent me like this playlist that came up for her you know how they do like the auto generated things yeah and it was like so much like soul like shoday and like all this stuff and then just michael bolton like in the middle of it and she loved it um and so my like big michael bolton experience was this so when i

was growing up in akron ohio it's still there it was there before i existed there's this restaurant called luigi's um and it's uh it's italian and they have existed forever the the fun thing about them is that during they're open during the week for like business people for lunch uh and you can get like a slice and a salad and then it's open from 5 p.m i think they're closed from like 3 to 5 and then open from 5 p.m to in the morning. And then on the weekends, it's the same thing except no daytime hours. And they're open till three in the morning. Okay.

So it's like a restaurant that is also a bar, you know, it's like very, if you're under age, it's like a cool, you can be out super late, you know? Right.

I am so excited to find out where Michael Baldwin. Yes. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And they have like, when you first walk in, there's, like, a bar that's never really being used, and then a bunch of seats.

It's just, like, packed full of people all the time. They used to have smoking sections and all that kind of stuff. And on the walls, they have, like, bowling photos and all these photos of, like, famous people that came in. The only one that's actually famous outside of Akron, Ohio, is there's a picture of Jay Leno, who came there came there like after a show he did at the Civic Theater, which when I met Jay Leno, he was like, hey, how you doing? I don't know, whatever. And I was like, oh, hi.

That's pretty good. Thank you. He's like, hey, where are you from? And I was like, Akron, Ohio. He goes, Civic Theater, 1991. And I was like, what? Like, he just remembered the show. Wow. And i just immediately

saw that photograph where he like looks trash but i don't think he drinks you know he's like got his arms around these two waitresses and his ties undone or whatever and it's just like the photo that everybody looks at so anyway this is like what you walk into they have a jukebox uh that still works and they have it's connected to a band box which is like an old 50s little uh puppet thing that that a curtain will open and it plays along to the jukebox it's pretty cool it's a neat thing uh it's so that's so well known that uh there's a do you guys know funky winker bean yeah the comic strip yeah uh there's a restaurant that shows up in funky winker bean is luigi's like it's the same

place oh it's based off of that so i'm i'm just trying to set the mood you're sure you have this is and and like just a cross-section of every kind of person in town there would be cops there at night and stuff like that which obviously wasn't into but just saying um and just like filthy floor whatever they have salads and it's really just like a cheese pile with like oil on it you know it's like just just heaven you know just absolutely heaven um and you can get red pop on the fountain so all this is to say i'm sitting in one of those front front word booths and someone for some reason has decided to play michael bolton on the jukebox this is a rare occurrence i this is not what is usually played it's usually like journey and the cars and stuff like that and what year is this this would

be probably around 2000 or you know somewhere around there within within that little window probably time not backwards but forwards yep uh and so i'm sitting there with one other person maybe and michael bolton is playing which is funny you know you're like clearly commenting on like i can't believe i'm listening to michael bolton right now and then this woman comes in who is like the only way i can describe her is like a lake person you know like you know the lake vibe like harley lake vibe you know not like polos and and boat shoes but like heart you drove the harley to the lake to sit on the dock and drink or whatever that's who's coming in deb or whatever crystal you know sure and she comes in and like looks around like clocks like a movie like like

she's a character in a movie and she clocks everything that's going on and then she hears michael bolton playing and she just like goes this is my kind of place and just like snapping and dancing and i will never forget that for the rest of my life oh man that was a good story well told yeah i had to paint the whole because it's not a lot yeah so you need a lot of build-up that moment otherwise it's gonna fall pretty flat now that was great you said that the pictures on the wall the only celebrity from out of town was jay leno are there local celebrities that would be on the wall and who are they yeah i mean mostly the local celebrities consisted of bowlers and uh local government is was this place attached to a bowling alley no it's just like is akron a big bowling mecca actually it is it uh there was i think it's uh

fair lawn lanes or something fairway lanes in akron ohio would host one of the major okay is it called meat i don't know what a bowling competition is called a bowling meat yeah yeah chris whatever his what is the nerdest guy i can think of his dad hardwick yeah hardwick his dad was like that big bowler and i remember seeing pictures of them in akron wow at that at that bowling alley and it's literally just a bowling alley by the mall or whatever you know but it was their first i uh can't believe that they have photos up of local politicians yeah it's my alderman coming in yeah like for real city council and like the ohio senator and stuff like that like people but it's

like a legit it's totally it's definitely up front but like it's also just this place that like has just been around forever and when you go like in the summertime you know pre-pandemic times or something on a friday night or a saturday night at 5 p.m there's a line out the door of people waiting to get in sounds like my kind of place yeah this is my kind of place but to be fair michael bolton on the jukebox i'm lake people yeah i'm a lake guy i mean no like shade or shame to that i just wanted to to like oh sure great the character you know like very specifically that you know like a a leather bag purse you know when you first had a lake person i was like of like a creature from the lagoon that's what i was thinking too like seaweed hanging up

this is my little friend. My little friend. And then a guy in a scuba suit's walking behind. Come back here. Where are you going? Now we also have overheard sent in to us from all over the place. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximum fun.org. And this first one,

this one's a, this one's got a good amount of story to it. This is from Maggie in Washington state overheard. Call this the RB. I was attending. I was telling my daughter's fourth grade of the year awards ceremony. Each student who achieved principal's list or honor roll was called to the stage, handed their certificate, shook hands with the teacher and walked off stage back to the gym floor to sit down. My daughter had just taken her seat and I noticed I was I was trying to get a photo of her when I noticed the girl in front of her.

trying to get a photo of her when i noticed the girl in front of her this girl tore her principal list certificate into four pieces and one by one scrunched them up put them in her mouth and proceeded to eat the entire certificate in about five minutes was it a protest or was she just bored yeah bored or sort of hungry maybe we're doing it for the first time. I don't know. Let's see if we can do this. You remember when you found out you could eat paper? Yeah. Like, thought in a movie or something. You're like, I'm going to do that. I'm going to be that kid. Thought in a movie or something.

You know? I think the inspiration was right in front of me. Yeah. I didn't like swallowing it, but I would chew it up a lot. Yeah, I'd chew it. I'd chew that. I'd chew pens. I didn't ever chew an eraser, but I thought about it.

Pencil. I chewed on some erasers, but only the ones on the pencils. And then you get the metal part and you'd be like, ah, shit. Oh, the metal part. I loved it. Folding over that metal part. Oh, yeah. Danger zone, though.

Yeah. Talk about Top Gun. Danger zone. I forgot to tell you guys how much I love the new Top Gun. Is it really good? I loved it. Okay. I've heard nothing but good things, but I have not made time to see it.

Oh, man, I highly recommend. And if you can still see it, I missed the 4DX screenings, and I'm really bummed about it. It'll come back. They're seasonal. Yeah, they'll do that. They'll come back around. They'll make more money off of it.

Did your screening have Tom Cruise come out before and talk about it? Mm-hmm. I've heard that that's a whole vibe. It's a whole vibe. Hi, everybody. I'm Tom Cruise. Thanks for coming to my film. Hi.

I don't know if you guys know me, but I'm Tom Cruise, the star of this movie that you've come to see. Yeah. I'm a Scientologist. I'm a famous Scientologist. This is not the most Scientologist movie you'll ever see, though. That would be Look Who's the star of this movie that you've come to see? Yeah. I'm a Scientologist. I'm a famous Scientologist. This is not the most Scientologist movie you'll ever see though. That would be look who's talking.

Praise Zinu. Um, this next one comes from Peter in Victoria, BC overheard at the information desk of the confederation center art gallery in Charlottetown, PEI woman is standing facing a huge exhibition space filled with paintings photographs drawings sculpture and she asks is there any part of this art gallery that's actually art by professional artists oh whoa yeah really uh thrown thrown down there my god wow that I mean, was there?

I mean, that's hard to tell. Was she just at the information desk? They don't put a lot of paintings by the information desk. Yeah, like what are you supposed to be? Art? Are you living art?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Maybe there wasn't. I don't... It didn't say that it was an amateur gallery so did it no oh okay no i assume that it's professionals um but if you go to pei you gotta go check out the confederation art gallery i mean if you go to pei it's a it's a whole vibe pei in case you've never heard of it river River, is Prince Edward Island, which is the farthest, far, far away. That I've heard of. It's the tiniest province in Canada.

Yeah. It's your Rhode Island. Yeah. Our Rhode Island. Sure. Yeah. Or Rhode Island is our Prince Edward Island. Well, I don't, I mean, we're not in direct competition, but yeah.

Yeah. Not today. I mean we're not in direct competition but yeah they're sort of like if you wanted to make a port if you wanted to make a Portland it would probably be Portland man yeah yeah this last one comes from Luke in Nashville Tennessee

in Nashville we have a dish called hot chicken that can get really spicy clever name I was at a brewery In Nashville, we have a dish called hot chicken that can get really spicy. Clever name. I was at a brewery. I like these names you don't have to think about. You're throwing me off the scent there. What am I getting with this? I mean, I should hope it's hot.

I'm asking for cooked chicken. I was at a brewery at a big table with some strangers. A young lady ordered hot chicken and waffles and was visibly stressed about the heat level. Her mother tells the table she's sensitive to spice. And the girl said, no, I'm not. I've had Chipotle. Oh, my God. The whitest thing I've ever heard.

That's very white. Isn't everyone sensitive to spice? Like, in some regard? I don't know. Like, is it because people that eat really spicy stuff does that i always thought that it just doesn't bother them well it as i used to drown my food in hot sauce i had like a good period of like five or six years where like a frozen pizza would just be covered it would be red you know with like not the hot not like ghost

pepper hot sauce but like hot sauce you, a lot of Frank's or whatever. And it does like blow out your taste buds, you know? Yeah. At least that was my experience. I mean, it blows out someone else. Yeah, that's for sure. I was trying to be classy, Dave. Sure.

And only allude to my buttholeole but which i like to call a hot chicken it also sounds like you're hitting on the chicken yeah like hot chicken i call my butthole the humble bean curd now in addition to blackberry pie in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have hi dave and graham and probable guests this is elizabeth in portland oregon calling with an overheard I was at a yard sale earlier and overheard the wife of the couple say to her husband

nobody's buying your ex-girlfriend's ugly painting sweetie it was great okay that's all is there any professional art at this garage sale that's a good one man that was really good i hope that person like played

the lottery or did something they've always wanted to do that day because like hearing something like that the universe is smiling on you that's right pretty weird to sell somebody else's art yeah and like that you're saying like i'm tired of having this on my wall just to make you feel good oh but no one's buying these weird these paintings of wine bottles alright here's your next phone call hey this is WC

in uh South Carolina um I was at a gas station you know those um red box things yes uh

anyways they were two clearly drunk men trying to uh insert dollar bills into the

red box thing and uh insert dollar bills into the red box thing. And, uh, I don't know. He, he just had like a 20 or something. I don't know.

But, uh, his buddy was like, bro, you need to use a card for that motherfucker. And then he was like, uh, motherfucker, I ain't got a card.

And so they just kept trying to cram a fucking $20 bill in there. Anyways, sorry to curse. Anyways. What movie do you think they would have rented? What possible film would those guys... National Treasure.

I was going to think Smoking the Bandit. But yeah. possible film with those guys national treasure now good yeah good bet i was gonna think smoking the bandit but yeah what do they have i've never used a red box but oh man i used to red box the shit out of that thing the uh do they still exist like yeah they do yeah there's one i think in a max here which is now circle k but like oh do they have because i don't have a dvd player anymore so i'm out of luck blu-ray and stuff well i don't have a dvd player anymore so i'm out of luck blu-ray and stuff well i don't have that either yeah i just mean you know um they had games for a while you could rent games through them oh sure the one that i the first time i saw it they have all the pictures of what the movies are and one down at the very bottom corner was called one called baby detective and i was like

uh if i had the money detecting now baby detective i just feel like yeah do the dvds that you can get in that thing are they are all they all have katherine heigl in them they're all made between 2004 and 2009 27 dresses 28 dresses yeah 29 dresses that's true it did beg for a sequel didn't it it did more dresses yeah and then they do a prequel as 24 dresses the first dress here's your final phone call hi this is this is Matt from Athens, Georgia, calling in with an overseen. I was just behind a box pickup truck. It's a vanity plate truck. Man, kudos to that person. Yeah, look at this.

Like, that's got to be. How did you get that? Yeah. That has to be grandfathered in. In Georgia? In Georgia? you get that yeah that has to be grandfathered in in georgia in georgia like you have to have had that plate since like 19 whenever they invented vanity plate yeah yeah it's the number one asked question at the dfv there yeah you got truck we like i i was looking up uh vanity plates

like how do you get them they're only like 50 bucks I know yes and you have to write you have to apply for it you say what you want and then you have to give a reason oh like is that in Vancouver or is that I only looked here

they don't make us give reasons down here yeah do you own a truck is that what you're going to get for? Because truck. I'm the president of Tonka. My name is Tony Ruck. My name is Truck. I'm Alan Ruck's older brother.

There's somebody with one of my, I mean, this vanity plate takes the cake. You know, the cake is on the plate and it's taken. But up until I heard this over, or heard this overseen, my favorite vanity plate was one that's right around the corner from me. And it just says, dang it. That's good. Dang it's good. And it's not one word either.

Or you have the space. Dang it. Yeah, it's good. I'm like, dang it.. Or you have the space. Dang it. Yeah, it's good. I'm like, dang it. That's what I say when I see that somebody got that plate. I remember on Jeopardy, like, I don't know, 20 years ago, watching, you know, how they do the little interview with the person, with the contestants. And the guy's topic, like his one interesting fact about himself was he has the California license plate, Dracula. Holy shit!

And he got it as soon as they went from six characters to seven characters. Wow. He raced to get Dracula. It is funny how they always do something that's like not intelligence based at all. And it's like, what's the thing about you? It's always something super wacky. Yeah. Yeah, I sleep a lot during the day is that garlic yeah somebody said i can't uh handle the spice

yeah it really blows out my old well my old blackberry logberry well that brings us to the end of this episode dang it truck truck peach pie River will you tell us where people can find you where they can see you

live where they can see them on online all that kind of stuff. For sure. Uh, so, uh, like we said at the top, I'll be,

uh, at the Denver company works August 4th through the sixth. There's like two shows each night. So come on through, uh, you can totally wear a mask to that. I'm not going to pick on you. In fact,

I would prefer it. Um, I'm also doing, I'm doing running an hour at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles on August 19th. In between those, I'm turning 40, so look out for that. Happy birthday! Thank you. And also, you can find me on Instagram and Twitter with the same handle, at RivButcher.

That's what you should get as a license plate, RivButcher. I'd probably do that. I'd have to take the u out i wish i could have gotten river butcher on those things but i wasn't thinking about the fact that a lot of time has passed and people have the handles already yeah that's true you have so i was a humble bean curd and i asked people if i could use them and they did not say yes so here i am with riv butcher yeah you can't get dracula but you could get river or lake people. You can get Dracula 1. Yeah.

Just Dracula 27. That's just the next one that was available. Drac 02. Thank you so much for being our guest today. This was such a treat. This is my kind of place. You know what I mean? Hell yeah.

Thanks for having me, you guys. It's always good to be here. It's good to see you. I'm a lake person. You're a river person. Okay. Okay. All right, everybody.

River guy. On that note, everybody, why don't you come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.