Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 759 - James Hartnett

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Comedian James Hartnett returns to talk Wordle, Licorice Pizza, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. But does he look like Fat Mike?

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 759 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who looks real good with some slick back hair, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I played tennis with my dad not an hour before this podcast. And I showered and we're all wet and so it's you know we're going for macaulay culkin in home alone where he's just go back there also a little bit of

wall street you've got a yeah it's absolutely both uh charlie sheen and michael douglas boy that was a hot time for slick back hair that like mid-80s kind of uh that was the cool like when i was a kid i slicked back my hair i thought it was really cool i could never do it i always got cowlicks yeah i've got this baby elephant hair that you can tame very easily um but uh yeah the uh what do we think hey everybody i think it's a it's a yes from me okay yeah okay good well it'll dry and it won't be so well you know put some gel in it maybe yeah i don't know if i want looking wet even after it's dry and then it's just crispy i remember once in a high school someone signed uh my yearbook thing oh dave you're going for the wet look today uh i think

i like it the other way it's just like this is your comment this is how well you know me yeah you're just getting roasted in your own yearbook you you're you like we've known each other since we were in kindergarten and now you're just like you're just giving me today's hair update so yeah what's going on in the news uh our guest today a return guest here to the podcast he's oh so funny he has an album out there called get bent and he's also one of the three hosts of the hilarious podcast evil men it's james hartnett hey hey thanks for being our guest james oh thanks for having me it's like uh it's really exciting to get the call you know call up to the big league yeah yeah that's right we send out a scout yeah uh he watches you in the audience he's he's wearing a

fedora and like i want you to know that your co-hosts, Chris and Mike, and you are, you're competing. You're competing to be a guest on this show. Well, good. I'm, I'm glad I beat them. I mean, we're friends, but also, you know. You throw them on some hot coals if you had to, right? Absolutely. Yeah.

Uh, you know, Chris is, Chris is certainly our, of the three of you that are most frequent guests, but I think he's on a career downslide. Certainly the three of you are our most frequent guests, but I think he's on a career downslide. Well, the truth is, Chris, I get why Chris would be a higher volume guest. He really is high energy. He grabs your attention. But I'm sort of playing the long game, you know, where it's a little more boring. Yeah, you're not going to get as many laughs from me over an episode.

But now over time, i feel like safer yeah and mike i don't think mike's gonna make it it's uh we it's the aesthetic it's the rock rockabilly kramer and haircut and yeah he has sideburns uh yeah i don't know would you guys ever have sideburns j James you don't have them now do you you have like a beard but here's a real fact I'll show you guys my face here in the zoom okay I can't grow sideburns

yeah he's got a beard yeah my beard goes up an inch from my sideburns and then there's just my bare skin and then my hair I don't know what it is same exact thing I got that like kind of half an inch gap where you can't my bare skin and then my hair i don't know what it is same exact thing really same exact thing yeah i got that like kind of half an inch gap where you can't it's a no man's land do you have it dave do you have the gap no no no you can do side oh you could do a real mutton chop yeah

fall into the gap when i've had people ask me, thought I was doing it intentionally as some kind of hip facial thing. And I'm like, no, I just have a weird beard. I mean, it is like it would come in handy if you shave your head and you would know when to end the beard. Because sometimes people do shaved head with a beard and it's like, well, where does the shaving end? That's true. Sometimes you see guys with a bald head and a beard and then the sideburn ends in kind of a point. Do you know what I mean?

Like a diagonal? Yeah, I don't like that. That seems like something that would be on the lead singer of Smash Mouth's haircut. Just have it go up to a point. Or stained. Stained. Yeah, good call.

Stained, absolutely. Should we get to know us yeah get to know us i've always wanted sideburns from when whenever i first saw like uh beverly hills 902 and i was like holy shit those are the coolest goddamn thing although they were big in the early 90s huge and then they they had like i feel like a resurgence with the like hipster you know coffee crowd they i think they were more mutton chop and such but i consider the hipster coffee crowd the 90s oh that's true yeah they were but man oh man like a goatee uh the last time a goatee didn't belong to a guy in a trump hat was like it was like 1994 it's too bad too because the goatee's a it's it's a functional beard if you don't have a lot if you have a patchy beard around your cheeks goatee you

can you can pull off but you're right did you guys ever try a goatee sure when i shave my beard i'll try everything yeah i'll go goatee like but even like it's worse than a mustache i like just a mustache i like a straight up if somebody's got a not crazy not a crazy mustache with the twirls and twirls and twiggles i mean everyone i'm just talking about myself uh everyone's face is different do your own thing i mean i'm sure there's somewhere out there someone out there re-evaluating their goatee right now i didn't mean to do that to you i remember in my early 20s i wasn't really confident that i could grow a full beard and it was patchy i didn't

know what to do and i kind of let it grow a bit and i did sort of shave it in a goatee and then my friend was like oh you're having a goatee and i was i tried to play it off i didn't really mean to yeah i'm gonna go tea i tried to play it off like i just didn't really think about it you know i just shaved a bit and that's what happened. I think I was embarrassed to admit. I kind of gave myself a goatee. It's like, is anybody cool wearing a goatee?

That's like a real actual question. I, I like, is there a possibility of having a goatee in the, in this current era and not the right guy? If you meet the right person, right. Yeah. And you just know like i'm sure of a handsome man can do whatever he wants jesus you said a mouthful um uh james you mentioned stained uh it has not been a while since you've been on you've been you were it's been less than

a year less than a year can you name a second stained song okay great question the obvious oh yes i can obviously the big one is it's been a while uh you know huge hit they also had a song that was called like shovel or something and it was like oh i can feel your anger i can feel your pain do you remember that wow no but did the what i was trying to think of did the lead singer do like a live song with fred durst from the family values tour that was like i'm on the outside yes i'm looking in yes that was i think the woodstock 99 yeah that's the stained i know is that song oh i don't think that was woodstock 99 although you know what they may be saying it there we maybe need another documentary to find out for sure yeah yeah um this week uh oh yeah because i remember there was in that live version with

fred durst you hear fred in the bridge or the break or whatever you hear fred durst be like i can feel those fucking lighters because people had the lighters on you know holding up their lighters but that could have just been family values tour yeah you might be right exactly people had lighters before okay well we're gonna see so the the top five songs uh stained had on uh i have on spotify uh it's been a while is number one yeah number two is so far away okay i don't know that one way so so close and so far away doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore it doesn't anybody stained in one place anymore number three oh actually well they're out of order in terms of plays number number three would be outside number four would be

mud shovel that's the one much nice and number five would be outside number four would be mud shovel that's the one nice and number five would be right here which is i believe half of uh right here right now half of right here right now by jesus jones yeah it's just that jesus jones song and cut in half but then they they combined it with the van halen song right now nice Nice. I want to see Girl Talk get at me with some Right Here, Right Now, Right Here, Right Now mashup. I had a crush on a girl, and it turned out she liked Stained. That really put a stake on things. Growing up as a teen in the late 90s, wasn't a lot of options if you're driving around

in your parents car listening to the radio i mean yeah i i know way too much about that uh genre of music than i have any right to but i remember all those bands oh yeah yeah i could uh yeah and i don't even i don't even think I listen to them, but I know them. You probably heard them all the time. Yeah. P.O.D. Oh, yeah. Creed? Are you kidding me? Have Creed stuck in my brain for the rest of my life?

Evanescence? That was a real moody band. Disturbed. Drowning Pool. Oh, Drowning Pool. What was the one? You your lincoln parks you got your horse yeah we're uh trapped oh headstrong i'll take you on were they canadian it kind of feels that way i think they were from florida for some reason oh yeah the canada of the states system of a down was kind of like an elevated version

i still like system of a down i think it's maybe not a good political vibe but i don't really know but i still like you don't acknowledge the armenian genocide yeah i mean look it's just it's just where i'm at. It's just my opinion. No. Yeah, they're still good. They're funny, I think. Yeah, the songs were funny. Like, they went from, like, screaming stuff to, like, everybody go to the party. And it would be, like, a really crazy heavy metal song,

and then there'd be, like, carnival music in it. Yeah, it was really cool. Yeah. They probably still tour, right? All these bands, they're probably still out there rocking it. Yeah, it was really cool. Yeah. They probably still tour, right? All these bands? They're probably still out there rocking it? Well, I saw a system of it down. I looked them up recently

and they hadn't recorded any music or anything for a long time. Okay. But then during the I guess there was an Azerbaijan Armenian war or something like that. Okay. Skirmish that okay uh skirmish and they put yeah and they put out a one song about that war like a year ago and i googled it i watched it and it was called we protect the land okay yeah i don't know which side i mean is is uh is right

in this if there is one yeah it's so hard yeah everyone's got to have a take about a thing i don't know about like i know i'm scared to these tweets seem uh convinced me to go this one way but this instagram screen cap makes me want to go the other way was there like is there kind of a river from that kind of uh what would you even call it not pop punk but uh new metal i guess yeah yeah was that was there crossover between that and like a slipknot or was slipknot a different there was yeah like it would have been i think you would have this those patches on your uh yes yeah leather jacket yeah slipknot was too much for me oh yeah it's uh who was the one uh because i went to the redding festival in england in 2002 and it was uh the start of like

uh start of like the garage rock uh resurgence with the strokes and the white stripes oh yes yeah music uh but it was also on the downward slope of new metal and there was uh one night it was uh who were we just talking about the mask band slip oh slipknot was there and they were quite a lot of fun and then uh also puddle of mud oh what a mud oh yes she effing hates me yeah yeah i feel like going to a slipknot concert would be like a real feast for the senses yeah and like guar you know getting a real like crazy kind of show but uh is there a slipknot of today who would be today's is there a fun band that everybody loves it's like yeah what are angry teens doing yeah what are angry what is their spotify list look

like i wish they would share i wish they would share on social so i could tell maybe it's sort of anti-woke podcasts oh sure they're not even listening to music anymore. Yeah. Podcasts. And then they go to a podcast festival. You're like, I can't read it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if anybody knows what the

kind of novel masked band of today is. Yeah. I don't know if we have any more teenage listeners. There was a time when we had teenage listeners. But they growing up now they're all they're all having their own teenagers yeah babies having babies um speaking of puddle of mud i remember feeling like they were the last derivative of the sort of kurt cobain voice oh yeah bands kept coming out kind of aping pearl jam or nirvana and each time maybe it would get a bit worse like a copy of itself like a multiplicity and then puddle of mud was the point where it was like we can't do this anymore yeah this is it

the last because i feel like also in that time period, every, uh, singer songwriter woman sounded like jewel. You're like, everybody sounded like jewel for a while. Uh, there's a singer out now that sounds exactly like Taylor Swift. And I would defy you to tell the difference. Oh, who is she?

I don't know. Okay. Well, that's Taylor Swift or something. Yeah. Sailor twist. Um, uh, James, help taylor swift or something yeah sailor twift um uh james you're in toronto yes do you have blue jays fever i do i love the blue jays um how close are they to a wild card or a pennant or they're gonna get in the wild card right now it's like do do they um finish at the top of it and host the games at

home or do they have to play them on the road does that mean if they get the wild card do they get probably i mean 99 do they play a one game playoff or do they have a series it's weird now that's a it's a best of three okay so if you get in the wild card you play a best of three all in one stadium oh and if you get it all in one night that would be amazing that would be cool over a weekend yeah okay fair that's more humane yeah you uh you live there in toronto do you go to jay's games are they too too rich i do go but you know you can still get cheap tickets yeah but it is so much better watching on your TV. Like now you got a big TV and everything.

Yeah. You know, it's, I don't go like all the time, but it's great. It is fun to go. Yeah. You can make your own hot dogs. Actually, this sounds really good. Make your own hot dogs. Watch on TV.

Don't take me out to the ball game. Make me some peanuts and crackers. And you could do like a picture in picture of that and the good doctor. So you could watch both of them. Exactly. Yeah. And you know, you can just sort of sit in a cramped area.

Just tell yourself, imagine there's someone right here. Yeah. You can put like your luggage on the couch and kind of mime style.'t move from this little box and it same thing that's fun yeah yeah um have you ever caught a fly ball have you ever caught uh anything in that have you ever caught anything did you catch some kind of virus when you were there yeah i've caught many viruses these hands uh i've never caught a ball but i do remember being a kid when the Jays, like hardly anyone was at a game. And I was in the upper deck with my nerdy friends.

And the Jumbotron showed people right next to us. Oh, shit. And they were like excited and jumping up and down. And we were like, holy shit, you know, and down and we were like holy shit you know and in kind of in between innings you know and then uh a minute goes a second goes by and then the jumbotron shows the people on the other side of us directly so clearly the camera guy was like oh these guys look fun nerds oh these guys look fun just completely bypassed us yeah um is it like i've never been i've never been on a jumbotron i've never been in the stands and had my face on television or anything uh is

it fun would it be fun to have that or is it uh i don't i don't know that i would like it i don't think it would i was at a jay's game, and there was a kind of an annoying-seeming couple near me. And in between innings, they'd both stand up, put on sunglasses, and do kind of corny dancing, like him pretending to smack her butt kind of stuff. Just so they could get on.

Just to try to get on the Jumbotron, and I don't think they made it on. Oh, was their whole oh yeah what about that couple that had sex did they end up on the jumbotron that's right well they ended up on my phone uh saved video but uh yeah they had to serve six months in the old spank bank i know that's could you imagine having sex in the sky dome and during a game not in the sky dome hotel yeah that's right just out there in the i mean if you're gonna like do it you know do it big go big yeah if you're gonna have sex at a stadium go to the biggest one in town yeah if you're gonna get some dome get it at the sky i don't talk like that and also you know what

why are you doing it all the way up in the you know the 500 level in a sparsely attended game if you're gonna do it do it down in the 100s do it at a packed house yeah saturday afternoon yeah go do it and those expensive seats where they'll deliver, you know, prophylactics to you. I remember watching a clip of, it was like a German metal band. And during their concert, they had a couple come on stage and have sex. And it was the dumbest thing. Yeah. Like they played their song while these people were having sex.

That doesn't sound sexy at all. No, it's like like and you're just like i don't know that's what it looks like in the broad daylight it's really clinical but the way that those germans do it it's efficient it's efficient a guy uh speaking of catching balls a guy so aaron judge yes the the big whammer slammer baseball man from new york played uh hit his 61st home run the he tied the american league home run record oh nice uh last night in toronto and a guy came very close to catching the ball and but it just ended up in the uh in the bullpen in the bullpen yeah and they made a little thing about it like i

saw him on a few instagram posts being like oh imagine dropping the ball but it was i wouldn't have caught it no me neither i know it he seemed so sad that he missed the ball i mean i don't know how much he'd get for it but a decent amount probably so but here's the thing how are you gonna prove that it was that ball couldn't anybody with the ball just go this was that ball like it doesn't they're not signed at what like pitch or anything but they're on enough cameras that the guy could go immediately like someone someone from the major league baseball would, would come to him immediately and be like, come with me, sir.

And I also heard that because this is the situation, they're actually like some guys like numbering the balls. When Aaron judge gets pitched to there's, they do, there is a way to check. Okay. But I know what you mean. It's kind of silly.

Like you couldn't. And why does, why would you buy that ball or care that much? I mean, it just looks like another ball. I mean, whatever. It's the one that got hit. Okay. But it's also one of those things

is you would have to have it somewhere that you're bringing people through. Like, this is my suit of armor and this is the baseball that... Well, don't they mostly go to the Hall of Fame? Right. Like, unless they're at what's his face the guy who created spawn's house todd mcfarland yeah yeah um i saw a tweet the other day that said the guy that caught mark mcguire's 70th home run he he uh he was willing to give it to

back if he got to meet Mark McGuire and Mark McGuire was like no and sold it for three million dollars or something to a I don't know a collector probably Todd McFarlane or Mark McGuire I'm getting that full book yeah I just don't want to meet the guy

yeah why wouldn't you you recently on your podcast Evil Men you discussed Jose I just don't want to meet the guy. Yeah. Why wouldn't you? You recently on your podcast, Evil Men, you discussed Jose Canseco as one of the. Yeah. And I can't remember. He maybe had domestic violence part of his life, was it? Or. Yep. Some of that.

Yep. But it was mostly the steroids thing, which I think you were like, who cares? Like, if everybody can just use them, then fine. Let's just have it be a thing that people can use in sports. I tend to agree. I think that's, am I right about that? That that was your stance on? Yeah, I sort of think, I get it, that it is cheating, I guess.

And it's like, I guess, bad for your body. But I think we are very arbitrary about what is some line of cheating and what's not. Yeah. Yeah. Because guys like will go to Europe and have like their blood cycled through and stuff. And like guys, you know, artificially do things to artificially improve their bodies all the time. So it is interesting. We just make this weird line.

And it's also like training for anything ruins your body regardless so uh why not yeah uh i'm doing a little bit of biohacking right now really yeah what are you doing um i'm drinking i'm mostly just drinking uh milk because like the cereal's been sitting in. Yeah. It does about a good. Yeah. I remember watching the movie eight men out and about the 1919 Chicago White Sox and shoeless Joe Jackson is in it. And he's, he's just got his eye cup, like he's covering up one eye and he's staring at a candle. And that was his training.

Then he would do the other eye. I watched the thing about bare knuckle boxers in Ireland. There's like these like kind of roaming bands of people that they do bare knuckle boxing amongst the the groups of them and there's one guy that his whole training was keeping his fists in gasoline he would soak his fists in but if anything that would make that would break things down in your head yeah for how long maybe it's like when you punch the guy he gets inhales the fumes yeah but that would make him probably like harder to knock out or i guess easier i don't know yeah i don't know it's but you know it's just like a little bit of a little

bit of gasoline smell would maybe give him a migraine yeah yeah yeah inflict that one little more uh of a pain that gives you an edge right one little um yeah i watched i also watched i don't know why i was watching this but bare knuckle fights from england and man oh man they're that's like you want to see something brutal it's a real i don't i don't want to see that i don't want to see anything brutal i yeah like when i was a kid i i liked wwf yeah i never liked it when it was like the hardcore match and a guy has like barbed wire on him and he's cut i hated that stuff yeah me too or like when the wrestling magazine would have it i'd be like this is tawdry yeah it felt like porno but yeah cutting the guy and also like it was i felt it was the worst when it was a wwf star that

you recognized was now part of that circuit yeah you know what i mean like i didn't want to see yeah tugboat rolling around on barbed wire i don't want to see him rolling around on anything yeah that's true i i remember being so starved for media that i would buy like the second rate magazine i've already read this month of wrestling yeah or like yeah i just remember they're they're like yeah the the ones where it was like oh on the inside it's not even glossy oh yeah yeah newsprint a couple years ago one of our listeners sent me a whole box of wrestling magazines and they're they're from wwf all the way down to like local like houston

wrestling or whatever yeah you know it was it was a lot of like daniel franklin is calling out paul bunyan and it's just people you never heard i also had like i remember getting i would do it with hockey magazines too because there weren't very many there and so like you would see one you'd never seen before oh i'll get this one bring it home and it was like a zine on the inside and it was like a badly made zine because you could tell they had like photocopied a players like a picture of a player right but they hadn't cut it out well and his head like there was like a rip mark through his hair like what happened to joe sagick's hair

i remember uh being a young and meeting my sort of a a guy my sister was dating and and we when we met him we were in a chapters bookstore or something and he was leafing through a junior hockey magazine kind of like you described and i remember really judging him as a teenager what i like who is this guy yeah this guy's scouting for the pros yeah it's uh i had a friend whose brother maybe had a subscription i don't know how else you would have gotten in canada um guns and ammo he had like but maybe not even guns and ammo maybe like soldier level down yeah like whatever would have like bikini uh ladies with them you know machine guns or whatnot uh look we looked at them we looked past the fact

that it was disturbing material there was also not a lot of media for of naked ladies or bikini ladies yeah yeah unless you're in britain with the sun girls or whatever oh i i remember being a teen in an airport alone in london oh boy trying to work up the courage to open up the sun newspaper to see the page three girl, but was afraid to in front of everyone. But I was very aware of it. Like I said, I had a sense like it's there.

I'm close. I'm trying, I'm trying to not look like I'm coming up to it and like interested in it. Right. I'm hovering around it. Oh yeah. Yeah. I, uh, it and like interested in it right i'm hovering around it oh yeah yeah i uh i remember very vividly going on a flight and having it was towards the end of their reign of magazines fhm uh but i had a fhm magazine and the woman next to me just laughed at me and i was like well i guess

that's the end of this era for me it's not a cool vibe i guess buying no those huh maxim yeah max oh god yeah they reigned supreme for a while there but they were big they were yeah they were they were our generation's playboy i guess if you wanted to see like a cw star in a bikini yep yeah that sounds about right what were the articles in maxim about it wasn't like playboy sort of trying to be intellectual having no it was a little bit like it was a little here's some sex moves it was also like here's some fashion to like a little gq and also a little of like here's some was it like i remember there being like a cocktail yeah maybe yeah and there was like the best beer in america that kind of yeah yeah would it also be like uh like here's a digital here's some breakdown five digital cameras you can buy i I don't know. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I just remember what was the big sensation was when Rachel Ray was in it. My, I mean, I know, I believe you're right, but I don't remember that being a big sensation. I kind of do.

You didn't think of her in that, in that context context but she was I think you know she was probably just wearing an apron if I recall correctly that seems like what a gross thing what a gross thing that probably doesn't exist anymore because everybody has the internet now

you make your own FHM did you guys ever speaking of zines did you ever zine did you ever know somebody Make your own FHM. Did you guys ever, speaking of zines, did you ever zine? Did you ever know somebody who zined? Does that just mean like you kind of make your own magazine? Yeah. Yeah.

Not really. No, I didn't. I had a few friends who zined, I guess. Yeah. Someone sent me a zine when I was a teen. Teen zine. Teen zine. I enjoy them.

Because it's before the internet thing. Because it was like you were saying that you had to cut things out and photocopy them. And you have to come up with your own. You really had to do a lot of cut and paste back in the day I don't know if it is that way now I wonder I have a bunch of old stuff in this room I'm just gonna you guys keep I'll hear you I just wanna

check to see if I have zines in here okay Dave may have zines in his room I've gotta check if I have zines in here yeah we had an inspector come through he's looking for zines yeah bad news buddy you got some zines in here. Yeah, we had an inspector come through who's looking for zines. Yeah, bad news, buddy. You got some zines in here.

I think I know where the zines are. They're in the library. Yeah. I'll get them at the break. I think it's just someone sent me. It was just pictures of damon albarn mostly that's pretty good that's yeah you can really focus with a zine you can just do what one person type of z yeah it was mostly just like cut out pictures cut out from other magazines into like and then would people with the people who made themselves or would it be no well maybe yeah i

think you would trade them i know you'd go to things and you trade them like like i don't know the ones i had that people like were like hey do you want a copy of this i'm sure it was just mostly pictures as well it wasn't like no one was doing hard-hitting journalism or like here are the best uh you're the best uh iphones or cell phones for your book that's uh it would maybe maybe you would be a word search oh that'd be fun coming up with your own jumble yeah i don't think i could do uh yeah word search i would maybe come up with my own sudoku i've been kind of i've been wanting to break into that for a while here i'm thinking of getting into uh doing a wordle here's here's some ones i think i want to try out for you guys plows how's that sound oh you're not allowed not allowed to have plural

i've noticed that they never end in an s yeah well they can but not as a Could be like glass Stink Yeah I did that Yesterday my first guess was bitch I was feeling a little I'm surprised you didn't get banned Yesterday's was a tough one If I recall it was like

What was it I can't remember but it was It was like epoxy or something like that or something kind of hard. I hope you didn't spoil today. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, it was yesterday. Yesterday's I have, oh, it was Usurp.

Usurp. Epoxy would be, man, once you got that X, you'd be. Have you done today's yet, James? I haven't. Okay. Do you want to do it together? Yes. Okay, here we go. What do we want to do it together yes okay here we go

you know what do we want first all right hang on wait i'm gonna i gotta record this all for my uh wordle zine okay sure some screen we are recording it so this is the first time what if this is the first time like on a podcast that a group wordle has been done uh are we gonna do the same guesses yeah let's do it as a team okay okay what do you want first how about first oh that's a good one okay it's very meta first we got an s okay but not uh a yellow s a yellow yellow S. So that's where it... I'm going to probably go with plows next. Is yellow S, that's where it is in the word? It means it's in the wrong place.

In the wrong place. Okay. Yeah. So we got an S. We're looking at first. We got an S somewhere on the board. I'm going to go... Do you care about...

When you do it, James, do you care about how few guesses you get it in? Absolutely. Oh, I don't. I just want to get it over oh really i mean nothing feels better getting it in one whatever that's a luck i mean two also is a bit of luck but if you get it in three my favorite that i ever got into was uh i got the first word i put in was chunk and it was all black. Like no, they were all wrong.

Yeah. And then I was like, Hmm, what's the opposite of chunk? Hmm. Brief. And then I got it. Nice. Wow. Nice.

Do you ever do this move where, which I'm not suggesting we do now. I know. And now I feel guilty that I'm going to like, I'm making you no it's okay play play my way but sometimes you get a yellow letter and then you if you're stuck you just disregard the yellow letter for your next guess yeah you know to try to eliminate some more right i've done that too we're too early for that at this point but i'm i know what it's not for sure stink because too many letters are not well also we don't we know there's no t or i yeah there's no t or i yeah yeah um do you want to suggest the next word james okay how about um this is gonna be really great to listen to how about smoke does that work smoke yeah we can do that smoke mine was gonna be soupy

I was gonna guess soupy oh no S is in the right place everything else is wrong and listeners you can just fast forward 20 minutes we're done this um

S is in the right position and we're sure we're sure that it's not stink we know that it's not stink for sure it's not stink yeah yeah even though s is in first place we know as a group that it's not stink uh yeah well i'm gonna go can i go now yeah yeah splay splay oh yeah kind of a gross word i'm kind of a gross guy but we got la and that's nice okay okay so what about slash is in the right spot lna right letters wrong spot yeah slack did you say grant slack slack oh that's good no we don't we know k is not in there okay that's right because there couldn't be a stink that's right hmm and i promise well it'll just be 25 30 more minutes what about slant slant we know it's not t because of first oh because of first chat slang slang uh that could be it I'm typing it ooh

no no but the A is in the right spot what do you got Dave show me what you got so far so I can just visualize it okay I'm gonna go with shawl

shawl or shall or scald is there too let's with shawl. Shawl. Or shall. Or scald is there too. Let's try shawl. Oh, damn it. Oh, no. Yeah. Did shawl not work?

I didn't type it in yet. S blank. A L blank. Oh, no. Now you're cheating. All right. I'm typing in shawl. Damn it.

Damn. It's going to be scald. You're right. My guess is scald. And did you type that in? I'm doing it. It's scald. Hell yeah. It's scald and did you type that in I'm doing it it's scald we did it

scald which I would have read as salad um I guessed everything I guessed scald I guessed salad do you send your results to anybody yeah yeah yeah the smithsonian I have a thread with my girlfriend and sister. Yeah, that's the thing.

It's a family. It brings families together. In some cases, it tears them apart, but it's a fun thing you can do no matter your age. It certainly loses listeners. Oh, yeah. That must be one of the worst segments you've ever done. Yeah, I was watching in real time. Our ratings are through the ground, guys. We gotta do some like fall

you know sweep stuff we gotta do this week oh how about sweep no yes we could be a good one yeah um you know what i'm i'm gonna try sweep uh dave what's going on with you my friend oh what me yeah you nothing man hey dude you know what i've been doing watching half of movies and giving up okay what type of films are we talking here action drama well i'm halfway through i'm halfway through elvis okay that's like a three hour long. Yeah. Joint. It's so loud. It's so noisy.

Yeah. Well, obviously lived a noisy life. Mm hmm. Um, I'm halfway through a movie that came out a few years ago. Molly's game. Oh, poker movie.

Oh, I've seen it. It's good. Yeah, it's good. Yeah. It's, but it's also just too long.

Yeah. Yeah. And they added yesterday yesterday they added the movie blonde the marilyn monroe movie with anna de armas oh yeah yeah yeah and i was like oh maybe i should watch that it's two hours and 48 minutes also is anybody at this point unaware of the marilyn mon story? I feel like that's, I mean, but they did make an Elvis movie and everybody knows the history of Elvis. I guess everything's fair game. It's such a wonderful surprise when you find out a movie is an hour and 40 minutes.

Oh yeah. Yes. There's a, if you're on an airplane, they do a thing that says how much, like what you can watch within this much time on the flight oh that's beautiful we've come so far yeah that's true what uh because this this marilyn monroe movie is two hours and 48 minutes long and then i heard it got a 14 minute

standing ovation at the venice film festival this is getting out of hand is that what is this standing oh thing these movies are getting just imagine sitting down like these people just need to stretch their legs and you know the people in the crowd are like you know if we all get together on this we could get press about how long we do this standing oh tonight they're gonna hear about this in vancouver yeah this uh has a thing. It's become a thing kind of out of nowhere that now everybody's getting something like, yeah, 14 minutes.

My hand goes raw after about 40 seconds of clapping. Well, you've been soaking it in gasoline. That's my competitive advantage. What are you trying to prove after a minute or two? I don't know. Are you out of your mind you're not still enjoying imagine if you had to pee and you're like oh god this how long is this movie it's two it's how long it's two hours and 48 minutes okay as soon as it's over i'm gonna get up and oh my god we're okay i guess i'll clap sure

yeah uh i shouldn't have the jumbo pop i knew i was gonna have to be at some point but uh the price is just better i'm at the venice film festival i'm having uh you know a big i had drank too much melted gelato yeah melted gelato i'm having a chalupa and a giant that's a mexican i mean that's uh italian yeah italian chalupa italian chalupa when next time i'm on a plane when people clap when the the plane lands i'm gonna clap for 14 minutes and you're gonna stand and people are gonna be like dave please take your seat sir sir please take your seat people are sort of milling toward the uh exit and you're still clapping as while you're walking down the aisle but but like uh what was the other ones like the brendan fraser one yeah yeah the whale

encino man yeah encino man the prequel to encino man which i guess would just be him in prehistoric time. Yeah, or just two hours of him frozen. Or just two hours of Pauly Shore and the guy from Rudy. John Aston, yeah. Yeah, just sort of living their life. Yeah, that's right. Just wheezing the juice all over the place. They had a good life. Pauly Shore?

Yeah. This isn't like a eulogy. No, but he's had an good life. Like. Pauly Shore? Yeah. This isn't like a eulogy. No, but he's had an incredible ride. No, I just mean like the vibe of like, you know how in a movie you're supposed to feel sorry, or like not feel sorry, but like, oh, this person wants to get the girl. Oh, we're rooting for them. Yeah. To get the girl. It's like, I don't know.

They seem to have a pretty good life already just hanging out in southern california yeah everything's pretty brightly colored he he what was the movie he was in where he was getting married to some beautiful woman and he had to meet her family and it was in the country and you know the son-in-law yeah that's it yeah and you know the dad was like a tough southern no-nonsense guy and he comes in like he was a bad polyshore you know what i mean hey dad what what are you doing dad when i when my kids get married i'm i'm not i am gonna be a some nonsense father-in-law yeah you're gonna allow for just the right amount of nonsense yeah uh how many films do we think paulie shore was in at the height of the height of his was he in biodome he was in biodome absolutely

he was in encino man he was in son-in-law he was in a legal one jury duty with andy dick or was it i think it was with andy dick was he in the army now he went in the army now yeah yeah he was kind of our generation's earnest well i mean we got two because i feel like we got earnest and we also got polysher yeah who's doing that now who's the character yeah miranda who's yeah i guess but just like who's the actor who's who just does one role i feel like jason momoa is our version because he always yeah there aren't really sort of silly comedies like that anymore yeah i feel like it's like a weird guy has to like go to the moon or something. Yeah.

That's true. William was it for a little while. Yeah. Rocket man. Rob Schneider got a piece of it for sure. Yeah. But now they're just like, oh, let's just make it Zac Efron. He's nicer to look at than all these other guys.

Let's make it about singles in New York or something. Oh, that would be good. If the Pauly show was in a very like navel gazey kind of New York. He's in a Noah Baumbach movie. He probably will be. I mean, you want to get a Stoney standing ovation. That's how you get it.

Yeah. You know what? I bet he's talked to his agent about like, what if i take that turn to do like some meta kind of you know serious self-depreciating sad movie if he did a serious movie we would all go and we would see it all of us i hate to break it to you i've got his imdb open it looks like he may have already done this oh is this paul paulie shore is dead is that yeah maybe that's well that's like the is that the like is that a documentary it's a fake documentary okay but it's like jcvd or the nicholas cage one it's like uh yeah made up kind of silly yeah he's in a lot of cam he does a lot of cameos like

literally cameo the website probably. Oh yeah he probably does probably. Hey you know what so I play just games on my phone and I won't pay for the game so I have to like sit through ads in between levels and I

notice now that they get like actors to just do commercials for the for some games like for like uh they'll they'll have an actor act in a commercial but it's a cameo they'll be like hey you know me i'm a guy from suits and i've been playing royal battle or whatever i like that the guy introduces himself as I'm a guy from Sunset. He doesn't even say his name. Those games seem so shitty

to me. It's like, it's free and it's sort of sexy. Oh, yeah. I'm not playing this. What is this? This is like the void left by FHM magazine. Now there's just like a weird crime solving sexy game well that's because you know these uh people today they never got a leisure suit larry and we got to see a sexy video game oh man oh yeah or at least hear about it

i had on my dad's computer like it was like a pinball pack and it was like 10 sort of exciting pinball games on the computer and one of them was a leisure suit larry pinball game and that was my only exposure to leisure suit larry but it was still titillating oh yeah it was only a fake digital pinball but you know did it did it have a picture of a beautiful lady on it or yeah you know if you hit the pinball in the right way a picture of a lady would kind of come into play somehow huh that's nice i could use a picture of a lady in my life uh so you watched uh half of elvis half of maryland no no none of maryland none of blonde none of half of uh, half of Marilyn? No. No, none of Marilyn, none of Blonde, half of Molly's Game, and then all of

Licorice Pizza. Oh, yeah, I haven't seen it. I'm meaning to watch that. I've heard good things. Is it good? Or is it good? Yeah, it's good. Not my fave. It's a good hang. Oh, yeah, I like a good hang.

If Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was like a 60s hang, this is a 70s hang. Nice. And it's got a lot of just like kind of like cameos. Holy sure? Yeah, actually, yeah, they have. It's weird. It takes place in the 70s, but everyone's doing cameos. They're like, hey, you know me from the brady bunch maybe it would be on like a record

uh yeah oh yeah like we're doing the cameo on like a homemade record well we had uh a thing years and years ago where dave got like it was called hollywood is calling yeah and it was like our 100th episode we got uh yeah and you could say the professor from gilligan's island to call him so this was like uh yeah this was pre-cameo you could get him or it was like all sorts of weird like red skeleton and well and you. And they would call your phone. Yeah, they would call you. And if you answered, they would talk to you. So Graham got Butch Patrick from the Munsters to call me.

Eddie Munster, who, by the way, I've never watched one second of the Munsters. You couldn't even relate to anything. And I was just trying to get him off the phone and trying not to be rude. Like, oh, that's great. Thanks so much. How did you find this service? Was it the internet it must have been from gary jones might have been from gary jones yeah that's way weirder than a cameo that they'll just talk they'll just chat with you on the phone our past guest gary jones was on this website and he because he had been on stargate or something yeah he's he's like the

control room guy on stargate which has numerous conventions every year stargate conventions really yeah yeah like he can still go and just like you hang out and i guess you like sign autographs and take pictures and stuff but it's like stargate's got its own world. That isn't just like sci-fi in general. It's still people, you know, want to meet what's his name? MacGyver. Yeah.

Richard Dean Anderson. Richard Dean Anderson. Thank you. He was at Stargate. Oh, the TV show. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Oh no, they won't touch this. The Stargate movie. People won't touch these conventions. Fair. I think it sounds like fun. James Spader?

Yeah, James Spader. Yeah. Who would you, if you heard was going to be at a convention signing autographs and taking photos, who would like draw you to that event? I'm so afraid to meet anyone I've idolized in case they suck. Yeah. Yeah. i'm so afraid to meet anyone i've idolized in case they suck yeah yeah that's the good thing about uh podcasts is like they a live podcast that people just like go talk in front of you and then you can meet them afterwards if you want like it's usually just like hey buy a shirt from me i'll talk to you for 30 seconds that's all you want huh no mediums eh okay you got a lot of extra larges over here interesting uh i think it would be elvira

princess of the darkness or whatever she's called yeah i think she'd be a fun be cool yeah it would be a fun picture to have of you with uh this of the... And you're crying. In Licorice Pizza, there's like a kids convention. There's like some kind of... It's like kids days at whatever, the fair or something. And John C. Reilly is Herman Munster. He's in one shot and you just hear him say, yes, I'm the real Herman Munster no you can't be here right now it's like

but in this time they're setting up the convention he would Herman Munster later in life the judge in Joe Pesci's oh that's right my cousin Vinny yeah what is a ute what is a ute

what my cousin vinnie yeah what is a ute thank you what is a ute yes what man there was a time we all had pesci fever hey yeah oh yeah like he was he was in a lot of stuff comedies dramas oh home alone oh i know like just family friendly fair he'd be a cool guy to meet at a convention joe pesesci? That would be cool. I bet he smells good. I bet he does smell good. I bet he's like a guy who, you know, when you get a drink or two in him, he tells

some pretty wild stories. I feel like he lived a pretty wild life. Well, no. I was once with him and he had a drink or two in him and he said something really funny and I was like, you're very him and he had a drink or two in him and he said something really funny. And I was like, you're very funny. And he took it the wrong way.

He was like, he was confused as to how he was funny. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no,

no. Was that when you were complimenting, uh, Sammy Davis jr. What? Oh, I'm, I'm,

I'm messing up the joke. Wasn't that from good fellas? Oh yeah. Sorry. Yes. Well, not, it wasn't joke. Wasn't that from Goodfellas? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Right, yes. Well, no, it wasn't then. The movie Casino, his girlfriend makes an appearance in it. And I read about her.

And I think she was a stunt woman. And also, she tried to have her husband killed. And that was his girlfriend at the time. So, you know, Joe Pesci, he's got stories to tell. In real life? In real life, yeah. Did she go to jail? Maybe. I don't know.

She was sentenced to take Joe Pesci. We have a creative judge. Punishment fits the crime. we have a creative judge yeah the punishment fits the crime remember when they were like those judges making like funny funny sentences be like not necessarily funny but if you know somebody stole a book then you'd have to i don't know what would you sentence them to read it yeah or like yeah to read all day every day for a week if the judge caught you smoking he'd make you smoke the whole pack in front of them yeah exactly um anyway so uh yeah licorice pizza is i couldn't tell you what

it's about it seems very it's like a bunch of little it's about these two main characters but it's it's there's a bunch of like going around hollywood in the 70s and being like hey there's a famous person they're crazy there's another famous person they're violent and uh and like oh these kids can just be like unsupervised all day long yeah that was a that's a bygone era. Just like, come back when it's dark out, kids. Yeah. Did you like Phantom Thread? Was that his last movie?

I did like Phantom Thread. I liked it too. Yeah. I liked it because it's my favorite genre, which is people sitting quietly. Just having a quiet sit. I always think about when Daniel Day-Lewis in that movie was ordered his lunch. It was like a poached egg, a rabbit loin, some ribs, French fries. It was like a 20-minute long order.

Rabbit loin. A rabbit was in it for sure. It sounded disgusting. I think it actually might have been rare bit oh rare oh i know about rare bit which is a like a cheesy toast no i think he was getting rabbit i do yeah i know about rare bit but i think this was rabbit okay okay yeah well listeners you decide yeah tweet us yeah yeah exactly uh let us know um uh so yeah what's going on with you graham um i don't think i talked about this on the podcast last week but i went and saw a rock and roll show i went to a rock and roll band here in town um well they're they're more of a

kind of like a punky band from the from the late 90s uh me first in the gimme gimme's oh i had their cds yeah they're a lot of fun and uh they were coming through town and were they the ones that did the covers yes yeah that's their whole who's bowling for soup uh they were they were i had a t-shirt from them and i never knew who they were but uh it was a cool looking t-shirt um which i then gave away to sophie buttle who was a fan of the band bowling for soup so okay well maybe she can enlighten me um but they uh the weird thing about it was the ticket when i got the ticket i like, I've never heard of this venue ever in my life. I don't know where this is.

And when it popped up on my credit card, I was like, I think I've been scammed. I don't recognize this whatsoever. Where was the venue? It was so like back just for anybody who's not familiar with the landscape of Vancouver in 1986. There was an area of land down by the water called the plaza of nations and it was kind of uh there was like i guess like bars and there was a concert venue outside there was yeah there was there used to be a concert venue inside there was a club yeah there's and it's largely abandoned the area now and uh because it was only built to be there for 1986.

And then it's still there, but it's kind of rotted. And there's a casino. Well, there was a casino. Okay. That's where the concert took place, in this former casino. And it was like going into, have you ever seen blogs of people like malls? Dead malls? Yeah, dead malls. It was like that. It was like walking into have you ever seen like uh blogs of people like malls malls yeah dead malls it was like that it was like walking into a dead mall like it's a very good uh tony hawk pro skater level

yeah this would have been great for that it was kind of like you know escalators that hadn't been used in a decade and like just panels kind of broke like the wall just kind of shaggy and things broken and like the stage setup was really good but wall just kind of shaggy and things broken and like the stage setup was really good but you could just you got this vibe of being in because they used to do a comedy show in that casino they did uh very short-lived was that where the show was no the show was what would have been the big casino floor on the main floor okay and it was weird yeah it was weird and there was like a smokers section outside but that made the whole venue smell like smoke because there was no

divider it was just an open door so it's just smoke really it was weird it was people still smoke the fans of the me first and the gimme gimme's i guess too and like when I was, I was standing outside and these bros who are like, you know, they're in their forties now wearing matching, uh, kind of like cool vests. And, uh,

you know, they were, you could tell they were like, gotta be back by 10. Cause I got to tuck in the kids. Like, uh, it was kind of sweet.

These, these boys getting together for a show. Um, and the show was great they're uh they're so much fun you know the words to every single song yeah just covers from all what is there like because they play nothing but covers yeah it's nothing but covers right yeah they don't have any songs of their own what is there like do they have like covers that are do they have like covers that are more famous like is that what's their like showstopper oh i well rocket man maybe i don't we did he did sing rocket man and it was great they're like a punk super

group so they're like different or do they have any members of bowling for soup uh i'm not sure about bowling i'll ask soph Sophie Buttle about that. But there's a, yeah, they're all from different punk bands. And this is like their fun, silly project. No FX. No FX. Lagwagon. Lagwagon.

Swinging Utters. Oh, it's Lagwagon? I've been saying Lagwagon. Lagwagon. You think it's that airport, Lagwagon. Yeah. And then at this show, there was also a guy called cj ramon who's one of the ramones from the 80s to when they kind of uh broke up and uh i can't remember there was a young woman and she was also from some band and uh it was great because this is the great thing about a punk music

concert it's lean it's very lean they kind of go like one two three four into a song into the next song into the next song don't a lot of times don't introduce the song no you know between song patter or you know waiting for a long applause it's just like that song's done here we go into the next song and uh yeah it was fun it was a fun concert any converse shoes yes i did i saw quite a few converse there uh i saw um i think i saw at least one person with a no use for a name shirt um you know like i said lots of smokers uh a lot of young people being carried out before the show started that probably had drank too much.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Was there a bar at this venue? There was bars, yeah. And, yeah, it was fun. It was a fun show to go see. And I would recommend if they're coming through your town. I'm going to Google if they come here.

Yeah, because it's like there's so much fun being at a concert where you know all the words to every song it which very rarely happens if you're just watching like a band because they've got albums and albums of songs that maybe you don't know anyways highly or they're a new band that's got one hit yeah exactly this is just like yeah rocket man into uh you know boys to man into uh somewhere over the rainbow just like click, click, click. He kept calling them rock blocks. He's like, now it's time for another rock block, which was four songs in a row, and with no interruption, just writing one into the other.

Yeah, no commercials. I, you know, the lead singer, Fat Mike? Yeah. I sort of think I look like him. You think you look like Fat Mike? Yeah, I could see it. look like him. You think you look like fat Mike? I could see it. Or like I could be his brother. Yeah.

You could definitely, you could be of the, of the Mike's. You'd be the family, Mike. Well, you look, are you looking up a photo?

Maybe I will as well. Just to see just a quick comparison here. But yeah. Oh, you know what? When you just look up fat Mike, it's oh, you know what?

He has a little bit of a closed lip smirk that that's not unlike what you're you do oh fat mike net worth five million dollars five million dollars oh shit oh yeah i can see it i could see the yeah right i can see it yeah he looks fat mike looks like a fun guy he like He's got a fun guy kind of vibe. Fun guy face. Fun guy face. There's a cream for that. His last name is Burkett, which is a little bit like Hartnett. It's got two E-T-T at the end.

I didn't know. Burkett. So that's one thing I did. The other thing, listeners to the podcast may remember. Maybe they don't, but I'll bring you up to speed. Like a year and a half ago, in my laundry room in my building somebody stole my blue ikea bag that i used to take laundry down to the laundry room and there was some talk of it you know perhaps it was a mistake there was there's a couple new mothers in the building and they may have just taken it absentmindedly and uh fair enough uh but it's also this is the most common laundry bag yes the country james what do you use

for a laundry bag you know what uh i've absolutely used that i have a sort of a bag that fits into my hamper but when that overflows 100 ikea laundry bag ikea laundry bag very popular could have very well been taken absentmindedly my new one's been taken and there's no freaking way that because there was stuff in it so that's bullshit yeah they took it with stuff in it or they emptied it no they took it so there was a container of like dryer balls that were in there. And so they knew it wasn't their bag. Like if you looked at it, you'd be like, oh, I don't, that's not my thing. So somebody just straight up stole it.

Did those dryer balls do anything? They clunk around in a very satisfying sound. Was this, sorry, was this in your building or a laundromat? In my building. Oh, that is infuriating. Yeah, so somebody just straight up saw it, stole it. It was also, it was on the machine that I was in, so it was very clear it wasn't a giveaway bag that was just sitting there. I bet they said yoink when they took it.

God, I think they did. Like, I can't sleep. I just hear yoink every time I close my eyes. Was your stuff in the washer or the dryer at that point? Dryer. It was a dryer so dryer you went there you had then you had to figure out how to get your clothes back to your room yes so let me imagine what you did you wore them all i wore them i put on every single item i put a about 10 pairs of underwear on that was very funny then they got dirty all over again yeah and then you went up and you showed chandler to make a man you know what i ended up doing is uh i've seen in national geographic

sometimes people do this where you have like a shirt and you just stuffed it i've held up my shirt and stuffed it made like a uh kind of a makeshift basket is how yeah national geographics going downhill yeah their laundromat issue was like what the hell the american laundromat come on yeah that uh this american life where they spend 24 hours in a laundromat i don't know we're all out of ideas have you ever gone down and you know you you've left your laundry in a bit long and someone takes it out and puts it on top that to me is fair fair game because i i think if you just left your laundry in the dryer and you've like gone about your day and somebody needs it pop it out on top that's the worst though if it's like 10 wet still oh yeah if it's still wet yeah

or if there's like because in my building's laundry room there are a couple dryers that are better than others right and i left mine for maybe 10 minutes too long with other dryers available yes that's good that's insane yeah that really annoyed me so somebody did that to you even though there were other dryers available yes yeah that sucks that sucks but was it all just on top of the dryer yeah actually and i yeah i can't remember she did something the person i said she because i think it was the lady across the hall from me but she did something really weird where my stuff did get kind of mixed in with someone else's. Like she did it to two of us and then kind of got the clothes mixed up.

So that was annoying too. I'm like looking through someone else's, uh, underwear socks. James, do you say us for us? I do. And I've,

I've been called out on this before. I, I do do that. Do I have, I called you on that before? No, but that. Have I called you out on that before? No, but someone has. Is it like an English thing? That's what I've been told.

Huh. Because I think Harry Styles rhymes us with as it was. Nice, Harry Styles. Taking a shortcut. Good for you. I mean, I'm really not doing it intentionally, but it feels good to have a little quirk like that.

Yeah. Makes the day go by fast. Are you like, were your parents born in England? My mom was born in England and my dad was born in Ireland. Do they do us? Yeah, I think so. I guess so. I haven't really thought about it.

Probably. Give them a, you know, stake out their house and see what's. Yeah. Yeah. Get the weird British. Uh, when you make a call and British,

uh, please. Yeah. And so that's a real, if anybody out there is listening in England, that's a real, that's a fun sensation that you just had there. When you hear the phone ringing, like that track on the Pink Floyd, that one song where they record a phone call.

I watched one of those British dramas with David Tennant when he's in Scotland. I forget what it was. Broadchurch? Yeah. So depressing. Anyway, it was good.urch yeah so depressing anyway it was good but i really noticed in that one they must have done it intentionally everybody was constantly eating toast i've never seen anything like it every five minutes well we'll make each

other a bit of toast like non-stop even in the interrogation room? Where'd you get that? Would you like a bad toast? I will. Who did this murder? I gotta tell you, I am having a love affair with toast lately. Oh yeah? Oh yeah. Just white toast with, you know, jam, peanut butter, butter. Toast rules.

There's no doubt about it. I think I might be gluten intolerant or something. My stomach's been having issues, so I've been trying to go off gluten and it, it's really annoying to do it. I have gluten free bread. How do you find it? Is it okay? Some are bad.

Some it's, it's, it's okay. It's pretty close, but it's also like apparently worse for you. Cause they do a bunch of crap to it to get to make it taste the same. Oh, sure.

Yeah. So it's kind of annoying. Um, I like, here's what I've been fantasizing about. Here comes the FHM special, Dave Schumacher. You know, so I have a coffee in the morning, and then I have a coffee around three in the afternoon. You got it. And I like to have it with a little.

Alcohol? No, no, a little something sweet, like uh i don't know a pastry a tim tam yeah oh sure yeah yeah uh i'm a little worn out on cookies i'll have a bit of like peanut butter toast maybe yeah sure but you know what i would love and i've started a bowl of cereal a bowl of cereal at three in the afternoon coffee a bowl of cereal it's a very like grown-up after-school snack yeah that's true what's your go-to cereal well here's the thing is i fell in love with this a couple months ago when i went to uh america and brought home a box of uh coco crispies oh but you don't have them here no and are you hooked now

you like the coco crispies oh yeah i would i would love it i i'm tempted to go down to target and get them across the border for these things yeah you'd have to declare them though because it's a it's a food stuff so you don't have to declare food stuff it is if it's uh crispy based if it's anything anything crispy you have to um on my uh i just got an email from the place in uh washington where i pick up packages they're closing oh shit well this is your chance anybody lives in is it blaine no what is it called yeah it's blaine blaine washington anybody in blaine this is your chance step up step up and be my service you're gonna get so you're gonna get a lot of coco crispies coming your way when you orders american stuff you have it delivered

to the just over the border and then you go pick it up yeah that's smart it's kind of a thing a lot of people here do and i I can't believe that. How close are you guys to the border? Oh, 45 minutes. Yeah. Oh, damn. Yeah. We pick up their television feeds no problem. You know, we get their CW.

We get their Como 5. Yeah, we get Buffalo over here. Nice. WTV 29, you know, the whole nine yards. i was in ontario in my hotel room i can't i think it was the local station like cfcf or something chch yeah maybe chch and they played uh comedy at club 54 i was like oh shit oh boy this is the best i have some memories of being like a teen and being up like at 11 30 on a sunday night and the tv was so crappy and you're like i guess i'll watch this that was like the canadian

equivalent of evening at the improv yes yeah but in burlington ontario and i forgot that this was the the ben the guy hosting was ben guy at beginning, he would read a viewer's joke that they sent in. And then at the end of every show, he'd say, good night, mom. I love you. You know, I think I'm Facebook friends with him. He is very right wing. Oh, that's

not a surprise. Probably not a shocker. If you are Facebook friends with him, you should send a message because I'm very interested in finding out where I can see more episodes of this program. Oh, I bet you've not seen it before. No,

I just haven't seen it since I was, you know, since it was like on. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're, if you're a Facebook friends with them and tell them, I want to know about the great reset.

He, he was more of like boring right wing from what I could tell. Like he hosted, I think of Hamilton, Ontario Sunday night radio show lately. Oh, nice. And it's, he was more of like boring right wing from what i could tell like he hosted i think a hamilton ontario sunday night radio show lately oh no and it's kind of more about like why aren't there more hospital beds in kathleen wins ontario or whatever like kind of just boring stuff but i wonder maybe he's into the great reset and chemtrails all that. Yeah. Trying to stay away from those goddamn chem trails. I'll tell you,

tell you what I think. And I think, I think club 54 is still a thing or there's not a TV show, but I think it probably still go. Yeah. Why not? It was a, it was a decent looking place.

But yeah, if anybody out there knows where I can get my hands on some of this club 54 video content, it's what I crave. Graham. Yeah. I've got to follow up i believe you know club 54 for me was sunday nights at 11 30 yeah sunday nights at midnight for a period was a show with ben guyett a cooking show called cooking with comics do you remember that no i do not remember that oh we're getting into the good stuff it was him in a comic obviously in a studio making a meal and cracking cracking each other up and we're most of the meals like here's how

you make soup in a coffee maker yeah it worked good they all looked really gross oh man oh you're saying you make a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee a typical stand-up comedian uh diet what you're gonna want to get is a cup of coffee and then a pack of cigarettes oh man well you're gonna want to call your ex, hang up when she answers. Well, should we move on to some overheards? Actually, I think we should move on to some business. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. Well, that means it's time for a jumbotron.

And this is sort of, you just said it off air, but this is kind of like the cameo of its day. Yeah. Although I guess this is the day of cameo. And also, we were talking about Jumbotrons earlier. So this couldn't have worked better. James was too much of a nerd to be on the Jumbotron. That's right. Yeah.

They got passed over for a promotion. Well, this message is for Geoff. And this one is for Gioff, and this one is from a Wyanslay. Jeff and Ainsley! That's for Jeff from Ainsley. Happy 40th birthday to an amazing father, great partner,

and very equally matched Dr. Mario player. Welcome to middle age! Oh, yeah, absolutely. Get yourself to a me first in the Gimme Gimme's concert stat! uh yeah that's what dr mario is prescribing uh yeah middle age everybody loves it it's best this is 40 etc etc yeah let's look at my uh butthole in the mirror or whatever isn't that what are they doing that movie yeah he looks for hemorrhoids that's right if you out there would like a jumbotron message head over to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron and then choose our show to have us read it yeah we're good at it

and we'd love to do it and now back to the show since the dawn of time man has dreamed of bringing life back from the dead from orpheus and eurydice to frankenstein's monster resurrection has long been merely the stuff of myth fiction and fairy tale until now actually we still can't bring people back from the dead that would be crazy but the dead pilot society podcast has found a way to resurrect great dead comedy pilots from Hollywood's finest writers. Every month, Dead Pilot Society brings you a reading of a comedy pilot that was sold and developed but never produced, performed by the funniest actors from film and television. How does Dead Pilot Society achieve this miracle? The answer can only be found at MaximumFun.org.

Hello, dreamers. This is Evelyn Denton, CEO of the only world-class, fully immersive theme resort, Steeplechase. You know, I've been seeing more and more reports on the blogs that our beloved park

simply isn't safe anymore. Murder them? I'm gonna wreck it. They say they got mugged by brigands in the fantasy kingdom of Ephemera or hijacked by space pirates in Infinite Item. I mean, I could have a knife.

My papa said that I needed to do a crime. Friends, I'm here to reassure you that it's all part of the show. These criminals were really just overzealous staff trying to make things a little more magical for our guests. We're just as safe as we've always been. This isn't a county fair, dreamers. This is Steeplechase.

The Adventure Zone. Every Thursday at MaximumFun.org Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, boy oh boy, there's just so much to hear out there in the world. Don't just stay in your apartment or house or whatever. Go out there in the world and hear some some stuff like at home you can hear a fridge hum which is very

warm and and comforting but uh you know why it hums because because it's about to sing because it doesn't know the words yes that's classic that's a classic why is a hummingbird hum it doesn't know the words that's great this is a boy if i could have been on comedy of 50s 154 imagine where you'd be or even cooking with comics honestly that sounds better um uh you know go out there overhear things we always like to do them here in the podcast we always like to have the guest lead the way james you've got an overheard don't you i do uh so mine happened yesterday um i had to rent microphones for our podcast evil men okay and i was in like a music rental place where are you at long mcquade steve long mcquade oh yeah steve's is a big one yeah yeah yeah yep so i'm in there in the rental area and there's a guy next to me talking to you know the long and mcquade guy

and i wasn't really paying attention at first but i noticed they're having this kind of like cool like they're being cool with each other and kind of having this conversation. And so I kind of start tuning in and the, the long and McQuaid guys like shit, man, that's crazy, man. Wow. So like you got a wingsuit and then the renter guys like,

yeah, man, I got a wingsuit. I've done like six or seven jumps with a wingsuit by now. So yeah. And then the guy goes like, yeah, I mean, so skydiving now is basically my full-time job and then he goes well you know until my rap career takes off

but to his credit he said it kind of with a wink like he knew that it was kind of no real money in rap you gotta keep skydiving yeah you know so the renter guy's like wow man uh you know i can't say i know a lot of uh rapping skydivers and then the renter guy goes yeah well there was one but he died and then he kind of laughed and that was it and it was coolio that's what i was thinking notorious yeah it was fun but he's dead so it leaves the the uh the market wide open for me to come in it makes you wonder who this rapping skydiving man was assassinated by a west coast skydiving now yeah these suits they you you jump out of a plane with

them or you jump off the side of a cliff with them or i googled them just before we started it seems like it's a way you could jump off something without a parachute because you have like yeah you're like a flying squirrel yeah but it's not out of a plane though right like you need an industrial parachute parachute for that i mean i don't know i have no idea i don't know i've only i usually just snowboard out of airplanes well you dave you were an extra in triple x weren't you yeah i live for that shit what is like what a strange shift of uh of leads in that that it was vin diesel and then it was ice cube was in yeah and then did they do a third one with vin diesel again or that's possible i wouldn't i watched triple x for the first time, like a couple of years ago. And it's really on the nose.

It starts like, you know, at the beginning of the movie, there's kind of a case he's working on that he's kind of wrapping up. Yeah. Yeah. And it has something to do with the, there's a Congressman who thinks that a violent video games are bad for our

youth. And like, he's, he's getting after that, that Congressman or or something it's so on the nose of like isn't that stupid that they think video games are bad everybody in the theater 14 minutes standing ovation uh uh dave do you have an overheard yes do. I told you last week I've got a big bash of them.

Yes, you're lucky. This one is from the news. I overheard a woman on the news. A local newscaster, Rumina Deya, was down at the Pacific National Exhibition where there was a riot happening. Oh yeah, that's right. Vancouver's

recent riot. Yeah, there was a riot because a rapper, Lil Baby, I think, did not show up. He was supposed to headline this music festival, and then he was feeling ill and could not perform. Right. And so the crowd tore the place apart. Yeah. tore the place apart. Yeah.

And then, so I'm watching the news that night and the reporter is saying tables are overturned, glass broken everywhere. I have two people's bank cards. People were throwing their bank cards at the stage

we want little baby tap this yeah my little joke about the concert is it was a little baby riot which in vancouver not too bad yeah we know full scale right we know how to do it um but i do think that's funny that people riot and then just drop their wallets as they riot and this woman is just those reporters picking them up yeah yeah it's true if anyone lost their their bank card then come down to the station claim it they're the only ones that get charged. The ones that they find the idea. That wasn't your job, reporter. Like, you don't need to. Just rummaging through the wreckage. Yeah.

I found one Converse sneaker if somebody's missing that. Found a Kindle. I'm taking this Kindle home. It's like she's, my friend used to clean airplanes and it would be like a lot of stuff that was supposed to go into the uh into the lost and found didn't make it oh yeah sure a lot of ipads or ipods and right little tiny toys those yeah well exactly and we i feel like that with an airplane like i'm never getting it back it's just gone it's gone back into the air never to be seen again yeah lost some good stuff that way um i lost a cd booklet in 1998 that way who hasn't though back in those days on a

oh sure yeah you knew you were gonna lose that cd. That's why you did backups. That's why I did backups. Yeah. Yeah. Burners. Yeah. Smart. Yeah. That was its own shelf. Backups. Those are my CDs and those are my backup CDs.

So anyway. Can I get you a drink? Oh, I was supposed to go get my zines. Oh, nevermind. Don't worry about it. My overheard is courtesy i don't know what the first half of this was but i was on a patio having a drink and the people behind me uh somebody said something and then the woman said ah shane in that fucking hat

so their buddy shane maybe trying out a new hat trying out a new look wonder what it was i think it's got to be a fedora don't you think yeah i imagine a backwards kangol oh yes yes that could evoke that reaction uh well that megan markle was wearing a completely inappropriate hat to the funeral. Oh, was there Shane involved at all? I know it might have been the same hat. You know what? It could be too. Like if someone wore like a early 2000s style, big puffy trucker hat.

Oh yeah. Like I think that would get that reaction. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Von Dutch, I would say for sure yeah yeah um trying to think like for a while like uh you know those bicycle caps they were like yes front flipped up i can see that yes don't like those maybe like a hunting cap like a like charlie brown wears yeah with the flap yeah

these are all uh you know french foreign legion hat it's honestly hats are dicey like it could be so many oh yeah yeah it could be a baseball he could be wearing a baseball cap but he's wearing a red yankees cap backwards like fred durst right yeah it is it's a and if somebody's trying out a new look you want to be supportive as a friend you want to be like no it's good but you would want your friends to tell you right you would want them to say yes this is uh this is no good we've been discussing it and shane we want you but i mean in the hat if i see my friend wearing a backwards red baseball cap i don't want to tell him because he's gonna break stuff he wasn't at this little baby riot, was he?

We also have overheard sent in to us from people all over the place. If you want to send one, send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. Look, I'm drinking a tiny Coke. Oh, that's cute. That's like airplane. Remember they used to have little tiny airplane Cokes. And if you were a kid, you would get that

and get to keep the little can with a little bit left and that makes for the days those were the days my god um uh this first one comes from phil wait i've already read this one before because he's from oshkosh we already did oshkosh oh no graham that's. That's okay. Maybe he's prolific over here. Yeah, it was. It was about a PT cruiser. It's all coming back to me now. Don't worry. I'll make good on this. I'll go find another one.

But in the meantime, this is Emily, parts unknown. A child walked up to a vending machine that only vends water and said, Look, Mom, look at all the options. Water, water, water, water, look, mom, look at all the options. Water, water, water, water, water,

water, water. Good work, kid. Yeah. That's like a funny thing. Only kid would enjoy doing. As far as the eye can see.

Yeah, that's kind of a, I feel like that's an, an Aquafina would have a its own machine or a dasani dasani for sure yeah um people worst water yeah dasani's the worst dasani oh in my opinion terrible i find evian tastes like carrots i like evian i mean i'm not complaining man i didn't say i didn't like it's the only water filtered through a carrot okay this is one i've grabbed at random from the overheard pile so hopefully it's good this is jim

from south portland maine oh i was with my wife down at the beach celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary. Wait, no, they didn't pay for a jumbo jump. Oh, that's right, I take it back. May you break up soon. No, no, well, it's too far. Too far, okay. You know what? That's nice. Celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary,

when I overheard a man telling a story the last time he was there at night when a young woman, covered in paint, sobbing, emerged from the woods not knowing where she was and not wanting them to call the cops. The kicker was when he described his feelings on the situation, he said, it wasn't that scary, but I did think there was a ghost at one point. So that's this guy's reaction to a person emerging from the woods at a beach. Okay. Covered in paint? Covered in paint. I hope.

But you know, that's if you're at an all night rave, if you wander a little too far, then you get into the weeds. You're not making it back. It would have been cool if they did one season of Portlandia set in Portland, Maine Yes All the local lobster jokes

Yeah Stephen King He's Maine, right? Yeah, he sets a lot of his stuff there Yeah, he's a big Maine head I don't know if he is, but I think Richard Bachman is Hey, hey Same guy Same guy, my guy I think Richard Bachman is.

Same guy. Same guy. My guy. This last one comes from. I feel like Maine should be in Canada. Look at the map. It's way up there. Yeah.

We. Yeah. Well, then I think Toronto should be in America. Oh, well. Okay. Fine. Fair trade. Yeah. Fair trade.

We traded Toronto for Maine For Maine They got more lighthouses than Toronto Got some good bluffs and such It'll make the commute to New Brunswick Way easier Yeah Yeah we

We physically traded Oh we moved them so toronto's now in maine yeah toronto's now in where maine was and maine's where toronto's but it's it's not as beachfront as it should have been but where is toronto where maine was and still part of canada or is it i thought we were just trading like maine now is canada canada toronto yeah i don't know man this is getting too confusing if we actually move the city well uh this last one comes from andrea from pittsburgh we're visiting friends in the finger lakes uh anybody ever been to the finger lakes no but i've been to pittsburgh and it was really cool yeah gotcha game yeah it's pretty close yeah

i saw a pirates game it was it was cool are the finger lakes in near pittsburgh i'm confused oh she's from pittsburgh she was in the finger lakes okay new york went for a hike at the end of the hike was a series of natural pools filled with freezing cold water that's fed from a snow runoff. We were in the water when a group of pre-teen boys, maybe around 12, decided to jump in. One boy upon hitting the water screamed and yelled, My penis!

Yeah. That's classic. Yeah, when cold water hits, whoo, you know it. As soon as it was about pre-teen boys about to jump in some water i knew it was going to be good exactly these guys are up to they're either having their stand by me uh voyage or uh what is another pre-teen i i really don't have a lot of authority on pre-teen boys and water and i think that's a good thing well i do james got some opinions here and he

wants to share i do yeah strong opinions that's your zine isn't it is uh boys in water i keep getting arrested but i do it's an innocent project it should have a random else because everyone calls about calls for number 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have hello Dave and Graham

I am calling in with an overheard I was at a wedding recently and while using the restroom I heard a patron next to me say, oh man, I'm pissed all over myself.

I hate my friends sometimes. He then rushed to the door, stuck his hat out, and said, yo, we gotta go right now. Off I go. You know that thing I was worried about happening? Well, guess what?

I don't know what it... He said, I pissed all over myself. I hate my friends sometimes. What did his friends do? His friend made me think about pissing myself, and no, I did. He put my hand in warm water. Yeah.

They taped my pee hole shut i had my pee hole taped shut then my friend pulled it off and then i peed my pants i had my pee hole shut the whole two hours and 48 minutes of blonde and the 14 minutes of standing over. Yeah, well, I think that guy that pissed himself is pretty cool. I know that's not the point of it, but I think he's pretty cool. That he would admit it, yeah. Hey, David Graham, this is Chris calling from

Victoria, BC. I was just walking down Government Street, and I passed these two people, and as they were going by me the other day one of them said to the other, how do you even respond to someone texting you saying that they're sad? Anyway, have a great show,

great day and keep up the great show. Bye. I think you do TLDR. New phone hood is. Exactly. I think you text them back a sad emoji and you say turn this upside down yeah yeah exactly why not smile

imagine you wrote a friend like I'm sad and they replied like what do you want me to say to this what is this what's my move here or if you send them just like a random gif back like just like kung fu panda or something like what is this yeah that's i think the best move some office gif yeah yeah

something fun yeah kevin dropping the chili oh man triple x saying I live for this shit yeah yeah I'm feeling sad I live for this shit that's pretty good oh boy and here is your final phone call hi Dave Graham and possible guests this is Kaylee in Waterloo

calling in with an overheard. I was just walking through my neighborhood and there was a group of three people kind of like hanging out along and talking to each other. And it sounded like quite the tale, but the part that I caught was this line. There's a bunch of 90 year old hotties just ready to take a bite of a grandma sandwich. And then I decided to keep going. Thanks for everything. And off I go. Bye.

Take a bite of a... 90-year-old hotties ready to take a bite out of a grandma sandwich. Maybe someone's grandma is back dating again? Yeah, getting back into the market. You know, the old dating app is called tender because their bodies hurt so much i guess anyway what we're cooking today is a grilled cheese sandwich and we got a funny guy here oh man you know what we never had had in Canada that was like a thing that always was on for years and years in the States? Is a show where the person just sets people up for their bits.

Like Comic Unleashed. We never had that. Seems like that would be a very cheap show to produce and just have comics on and be like. I don't think I know that one. What would they do? It would be like, so, Graham, i uh i hear you uh we're visiting the miniature museum yeah and then you do your bit and there's a live audience there and but you're just set up for your bit it's it's like a talk show but you only do your material yeah and there's

like four or five comics around and this guy byron allen he was the host and he built such an empire off of this that he was able to buy the weather channel yeah yeah so he I think he was a former comic and he we should turn this podcast into that James says here that you were at a baseball game James it says here you have a son

I've got my cue cards all mixed up. Well, wow. This has been such a fun episode. James, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having me. It's always an honor and so fun. And you and your friends put out an Evil Man every week, and then you have a Patreon, and then

people can get extra bonus sodes. Yes. Please check it out. It's the podcast as we talk about a different evil guy each week, and it's funny, it's fun. If Jose Canseco is on the one end of, like, not that evil,

who's on the other end? Who, how evil are you? Mike Palazzo is defined because at the end of the episode, we do like an evil scale called the evilometer. Yeah. And Mike has always defined it as a 10 is Hitler. Right. And a one is Steve Urkel.

Yeah. That's really. When are you guys going to take on Steve Urkel? I mean, it's in the pipeline is steve urkel evil like is it not really okay yeah so you know like we'd all probably be what a 0.2 0.3 i'm a five you know you gotta see you're five yeah okay yeah i'm a boy i'm the guy who invented mosh pits so yeah i'm like a four in the streets and eight in the streets okay wow because to be honest on the show if you had a score that high

you probably would have at least murdered someone but you know um well, Dave murders it every time he, uh, every time he does it, he purely murders it. He's, uh, he kills it. Um, and, uh,

you can get, you can get James's, uh, album on all the popular services that you can, uh, what you can use, uh, as Willow is,

are you guys on to Willow? Um, uh, I'm trying to think of another, but as well, one you can use Zwillo, are you guys on Zwillo? I'm trying to think of another but Zwillo is like way better Yeah, you can find Zwinky Zwillo Hijinks.com And thank you so much for being our guest and thank you out there for listening

to the show, we love having you by and you know what take a couple zines for the road And thank you out there for listening to the show. We love having you by. And you know what? Take a couple zines for the road and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.