Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 761 - Danika Thibault

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Comedian Danika Thibault joins us to talk curls, crocodiles, and Halloween decorations.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 761 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man, unless I miss my guess, has a snappy new haircut. Mr. Dave Shumka. Absolutely, you missed your guess. Oh, it's all pulled back. It was all pulled back. My hair has gotten long to the point now that my headphones are like a hairband.

I like it. So, yeah, I think I'm going to get a little. I should really experiment with. With headbands? Yeah, headbands. Scrunchies. The kind of like the like soccer headbands that all the soccer stars wear. That's nice, yeah.

The stretchy ones. There's all sorts of different. The world is your oyster when it comes to things you can put on your head. Yeah, I do need to keep a hat in my car a lot more now. Because it's just crazy? Yeah, sometimes I just, you know, I'll go somewhere, I'll shower there, and then my hair's all wet, I got to put a hat on. Where are you going and showering, Dave? I don't want to talk about it. Blockbuster, the old Blockbuster.

Yeah, a lot of the MD Blockbusters, there's some people there who record bumfights, they record me showering. Our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast, which is always very exciting. She's a very funny comedian around Vancouver. Her name is Danica Tebow. Thanks for coming on the show. Hey, guys.

Okay, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be silent in that section or if I was going to accidentally smash down the fourth wall. Oh, my gosh. You were going to smash the Patriot. I was going to do it. If you talked over us. Yeah, I was like, I was like, I'm going to smash the fourth wall sort of fleabag style in this podcast and they're gonna be mad just for the we don't do a video component to the show for the listeners but just know this whole time

danica's been like fleabag yeah looking at the camera cheating to the camera and like i do try and break the fourth wall in my everyday life and dave i think you should try um clip i think that's kind of the hot hair accessory right now like a big clip a big clip like like a claw like this thing yeah a claw and it has to be kind of manic pixie dream girl colors oh okay so i'm thinking like uhs, teals. Absolutely. You nailed that. I used to, my wife, when she was my girlfriend, I used to break so many of her clips just by like fiddling, just by, you know, fidgeting all the time.

Straight to the doghouse. Straight to the doghouse. But you know what? She married it. Wow. If a guy broke one of my clips,'d throw him from i'd throw him from the balcony let's just say do you wear clips you have a big wall of of curls i know guess what i kind of don't i kind of just let i rarely even like put a single thing in my hair because my

hair will sort of consume it do you use uh do you use vo5 hot oil or john frida's frizzies okay okay we have a curl ally on the podcast um i'm actually um i'm actually a moose a moose forward girl okay yeah it was a long journey to get there but we figured it out after some trial and error in high school who's we kind of me and the rest of the curl community you had a curl did you have a curl club in high school everyone kind of has their curly girls i mean previous guest of this very podcast maddie kelly and me sort of talk at length about what we need to put in our hair to make it to make it really pop to make it really like trismeg commercial yeah what you have this is this

is all moose that i'm looking at right now this is this is moose okay moose and the humidity in my apartment is is helping let's just say uh do we want to get to know us yeah get to know us you danica you are are one of maybe three of the best dressed comedians in town you have your own you have your own style you got your own flair and you always put together very flashy but well put together smart outfits are you uh do you combine new and old are you vintage all the way what tell me tell me your fashion philosophy we got your hair philosophy wow graham okay this is this is great a great question after 760 episodes we finally have a female guest and you can only ask her about her clothes well i can't believe this

is the first one we had but uh you know what patriarchy what are you gonna do about it i'm loving it i'm like okay perfect no the problem with me is i'm constantly come up with a new personality every like um probably three to four years okay and i i'm worried my like really good fashion personality is behind me oh okay recently experimented with something i've never tried before which is t-shirt and jeans heroines okay well now how are you wearing them just slob style just untucked and you know a little slob style but do you know in the way that's like how bella hadid would do slob style yes graham knows she just had a birthday yeah that's kind of like what i'm going for which is tricky when you're not a model do you

know what i mean it's like hmm it's a fine line between becoming the slob they're like do people know i'm doing bella hadid or are they just seeing what's happening on the outside yeah are you holding a giant pretzel because that also that'll uh throw people off the scent if you're the real slob if you're walking around with a giant pretzel but okay you know what i haven't i haven't gone giant pretzel yet so i think i'm i'm actually safe so you think people are looking at me and saying she's wearing jeans in a t-shirt but in a bell hadid way not in a slob way okay yeah i was wearing so there's this this rick owens fashion collection from a few years ago that had a big cutout for the penis the penis was hanging out of the clothes and that's a hard look to pull off if you're not a

model i'm like i haven't seen bella hadid do that yet she's a bit behind the curve dare i say you dare yeah and then i'll kind of have one i'll kind of have one thing i buy that i absolutely wear into the ground and recently that is a trench coat okay because i want to look more european and you feel like trench coat is more european and not more detective okay yeah see this is the problem is i'm like it's giving detective in the strongest way but i'm hoping people will meet me halfway and say okay detective but the detectives from europe do you know what i mean someone from interpol yeah graham and i whenever we try to wear uh trench coats people are like school shooters yeah school shooters zz top fan i get that a lot where's your fuzzy guitar asshole stuff like that

are you guys doing black trench coats though made up my ass I guess they're called dusters they've got that little flap on the back yeah the black duster can be can be challenged

you're kind of experiencing the same challenge I'm facing with my Bellalla hadid outfits it's like is it coming across i'm giving i'm giving eric harris i'm giving dylan clebold me pretending to know who those are right now i'm like yeah were you guys convinced it was that yeah it was really. That was really good. Yeah, thank you. I'm working on it. No, you'd love them. You'd love them.

You should look them up. I'm guessing they're musicians. No. They're from Columbine. They did make a lot of noise. Okay, awesome. Maybe like name three musicians from this band yeah do you think that the duster because the duster i feel is is cowboy or cowboy adjacent

only do you think that it could ever be used as a fashion piece or is it just hopeless i think literally more and more if bella Hadid has taught me anything, is that if you have jawbones that can cut through granite, anything can be a fashion piece. Even a piece of garbage on the street can be a fashion piece. That's true. Now, this is upsetting. One of our biggest fans is Gigi Hadid,

and she's so jealous right now. Yeah, I just got a DM from her. She did it to herself. She said, She a DM from her. She did it to herself. She did it to herself. She did it to herself. Don't have a kid when you're 26 girl. No offense

but that's going to not do good things for your Instagram clout. That's true. We lost gram clow that's true um what uh uh we lost angela lansbury this week yeah i found her she's in a casket she famously played a teapot jerry orbach played the um candelabra candelabra was there a duster speaking of dusters was there a duster oh yes there was and she was like she had a french maid hat yeah yeah yeah is she dead she's dead wow everybody that was in that movie are all dead yeah time for a reboot who would you guys play in the reboot oh who would i play or who would play oh the chubby clock be the chubby clock

okay i love that i'm like i would play josh gad yeah that's the only way i'm like i would play the chip i would play chip oh chip yeah absolutely yeah overlooked chip. Were you a Disney kid growing up? It's kind of. And are you a Disney grown up? Okay. So this is tough. We kind of had our four Disney movies that were in the rotation. Okay. And then I went to Disneyland at a very unloaded age, which was actually grade seven the summer before high school.

That is. Yeah. Yeah. That's. And so I was like, okay okay i need to pretend that i actually think this is a fucking stupid but i actually was like yucking it up loving every single minute so it was like a very delicate balance to uphold but when i went i will say um it was disneyland rocks and was the one time i went one of my favorite places I've ever gone.

Sorry, folks. I hate to admit that on this podcast, but yeah, it was good. Okay, they have cool crap over there. They do. They've got the coolest crap. Graham, have you been? I went when I was, I think maybe around the same age. Maybe like 12, 13.

But I knew I was going to love it. I loved Roger Rabbit and that was my in. They just had a new Roger Rabbit ride when I got there. Whoa, Roger's Rabbit. That's kind of actually alt of you. Yes, that's true. I'm always kind of like a California adventure

kind of guy. Yeah, you were like, I'm going to Disneyland, but I'm only going to interact with the alternative characters. There totally are alternative characters. Right? It's like the characters that could have like an adult swim show. Yeah, like the hunchback. I feel like he was one of their, he's not leading any parades.

He's kind of in amongst. Yeah, he's an alternative one good call he's alt he's alt i know i'm trying to think of who else is all i definitely engaged with mainstream i'm not gonna sugarcoat it but i feel like ones where it was animals like any disney thing where it was mice or something those are all those are kind of the kings and queens of the alt disney scene yeah whatever what's the uh what is the mouse one mr mouse's wild ride no that's a toad well is there a mouse i'm like literally there was a great mouse detective yeah but i feel like there's a ride the dark ride that's like a great mouse detective thing

that great mouse is getting a lot of action they're actually so alternative that we don't know their name that's absolutely true i mean if you're not a princess you're an alternative yeah yeah yeah i mean unless like you know if you're if you're mickey or the gang that's your mainstream but if you're scrooge mcduck graham do your goofy impression oh i'm choking let me go okay that was that was really good you said danica was one of the three best-dressed comedians in town who are the other two i would say if i had to pick uh ivan decker always wrong suit wrong who who uh scooch uh no i'm just telling you what's your next guess dina warchie

wrong okay i'm gonna put a motion forward for bobby warner nice try but wrong okay okay dave release very release vultures top web best dressed comics to watch in vancouver yeah yeah okay number one i guess number three danica okay i'm three drag me number two in vancouver cedric the entertainer he's got the five button suit and number, I gotta go with Bozo the Clown. True, true. Experimenting with color, in a way, a lot of us are afraid to. And going with his own hair and not trying to fight it. Just letting his...

That's true, yeah. Is there a comb-over clown? Yeah, call me the clown. Call me the clown. Yeah, he's depressing he's alt if you want to know the the most alt clown oh who is the most clown i know i kind of not i'm kind of not in the clown scene that's what you're not oh boy who's the clown who's the sad clown with the beautiful voice who did like saying Royals? Oh, Puddles. Puddles the clown. Okay, you guys know a lot

about the clowns. Yeah. We're kind of comedy experts. And Dave and I both went to clown school right out of high school. That's where we met. We were doing... What was it? Sean Devlin, past guest Sean Devlin told us about when he went to the same clown teacher as Sachasha baron cohen oh sasha baron cohen that's right and uh there's no

i have no further details about that because it was really hard yeah yeah imagine you went in and tried to do a clown thing and it wasn't funny and everybody was like that sucks it sucks seltzer sucks that That's old attack. You know what I mean? I know. And clowns aren't, I mean, they really can't rely on the power of words in the way other entertainers can. They have to do one of the hardest things of all time, one of the most mocked things of all time, prop comedy.

Yeah, yeah. Prop comedy, tough gig. Tough gig to pull off the prop comedy so heavy having to carry stuff everywhere i tried i tried one prop comedy thing when i was first starting comedy and i threw i had a starbucks cup on stage that was sort of that i sort of needed in a joke and when i came off stage the host was like someone's trying prop comedy and that was kind of the last of that is that me did i say that is that your impression of me that was my impression of graham yeah meet vancouver's carrot top over here when i well back when i did stand up my uh the only prop i used was a little book that had all my jokes in it that I would refer to every 15 seconds.

The greatest prop of them all. Danica, you're a stand-up. Do you use a little notepad or is it all phone now? Okay, recently, because guess what? Face ID ruined everything. Because you used to be able to, if you forgot a joke, just tap a little button and there was your set list. Now, if you forget a joke, you

have to hold your phone up to the heavens, look at it in the eyes in front of the entire audience, just have access to your set list. And so I've recently actually reconverted to paper. Yeah, I'm wearing a bonnet i'm churning butter

now who's the prop comic yeah because i was like the face id was harrowing i was like okay they're gonna they can see this is gonna take five to ten minutes my set will be over they'll be giving me the light by the time i'm done unlocking my phone. Yeah, yeah. I can't go on the phone because it closes too quick and then I panic. What do you got? A moleskine? I got a moleskine. I'll just write it down on a piece of paper

and then just carry that in the old pocket. Raw and real. Kind of like napkin style. Yes, napkin style. I'm in favor of napkin style. Yeah, that's how they designed like a famous invention. Yeah. Some people were in a diner and they invented, I don't know,

the slinky. And the drawing is just a long curl. This but a toy. Yeah, something like this. But it rolls, it goes downstairs. It makes a slinkity sound

i have to say what kind of sound it made slinkity i'm gonna write something down on a napkin this week i think that would really inspire me and make me feel sort of like a writer tm yeah and you can go up this is the great thing about the napkin put it on the stool put your drink right next to it nobody knows oh my god but then your jokes do they they if your drink has too much condensation on it you'll be like oh no why did the chicken cross the robe can you imagine being at a coffee shop and somebody busts that out right off the top. Well, no, you gotta let your drink have a condensation. Yeah, that's true.

You close with a big closer. Anyway, you guys have been great, but before I go, why did the chicken, huh? What did I write? I'll leave you on this something for the drive home yeah i

like i like when comics will put the mic back in the stand and that'll go anyways my last joke and it's like we know you signaled by putting it in we know that you're not going to stand stock straight for the rest of your i love it when I love it when they have a bottle of water and they, I mean, this was me at one point, and they take a sip, but the laughs don't last as long as the sip. Oh, I got enough laughs to take a sip of water. Oh, no, I did not get enough laughs. I panic. I love a sip in stone cold silence.

I'm like, okay, someone's building tension. Key ingredient of comedy. Taking out my wooden spoon. What's that for? Oh, an ingredient. It's an ingredient. Yeah, I'm kind of a bit brain-dead because it's really hot in here, and I just came back from my epic nine to five office job where I.

Yeah. Tell us about the office job. What is office job Danica like? Okay. It's like, as you can kind of see, sorry for the listeners, cause this is not a visual medium,

but I'm actually wearing a little something called a blazer right now. And that's a huge component of the office. An office job is just like a space you go into where you wear a blazer right now and that's a huge component of the office an office job is just like a space you go into where you wear a blazer and today today i was home alone in the office which meant none of my co-workers were there so i kind of just like wheeled around click clacked on the computer and you set up traps for the uh wet band and stuff like that home alone style exactly and lately i've been really leaning into office core in um a scary way i actually we recently installed a poster that's a cat and it says hang in there in our office which i think yeah that's a classic

and that's sort of a nod that's sort of a nod to office culture in a big way now are your because they say that uh the blazer the suit is certainly on its way out yeah are you in the majority wearing a blazer or are you in the minority okay guess what so i kind of chose because ever since i was a young girl i was like i want to wear a little suit to work but then i wasn't like smart enough to go into a profession that would require that. So I was just like, well, just do it. I'm actually wearing a matching blazer and pants right now, and no one asked me to, and they were even like, don't wear that to the office.

It's too much for this job. And I was like, sorry, I'm going to. People on the street are going to think I'm on my way to a law firm today. Whether you guys like it or not. I know I saw a guy in a suit crossing the street the other day and I was like, real estate agent. Right? No, real estate agents don't wear a suit. They wear like a blazer

that's a little bit too small. Yes. Yeah. And some funky shoes. Well, what jobs even require a suit anymore? I actually can't think of a single single one off the top of my head um business funeral funeral home i feel like funeral yeah you don't want your funeral guy to show up in like an oversized hawaiian shirt uh traveling salesman traveling salesman yeah uh you know with a the trench coat uh you know ska band that are always wearing suits oh yeah yeah ska band um no it's yeah it's

very on the way out uh you would wear it to like yeah funerals and court yeah well even if my lawyer was wearing a suit i would be be like, okay, someone's trying too hard. I would say that. If I was being, if that was my lawyer and he was defending me for murder, I'd be like, you're being so embarrassing right now if he showed up to court in a suit. Also, in Canada, do you have to wear like

a little robe and wig? You don't have to wear a wig, but you do have to wear a robe. Oh, too bad about the wig that would be fun then i'd go running to law school at full speed we're gonna say then i'd absolutely murder someone it's like those are the two options to get into court i'm like which one's faster imagine if you were like i don't know how it works in canada if you are and i know in america they read you your miranda and you're like, I'm more of a charlatan.

But they give you a lawyer. If you can't afford a lawyer, you will be appointed one or whatever. I forget my Miranda rights. We didn't have to recite them before school like all you american listeners but i don't know if you are given a lawyer in canada if you can't afford one for a criminal you are charged yeah imagine imagine if you're like i can't afford a lawyer and then your lawyer shows up and it's a guy in a robe and a wig and you're like oh this guy the wigs are so funny too they're the funniest wigs little ringlets and like like kind of goes into a bit of a ponytail kind of looks like a

like a sea urchin kind of thing who has to wear those the judge the judge and the lawyers and no the lawyers don't wear the wigs no in the UK no stop another reason to move to Europe yeah they look like oh my god they look like kind of like shrimp friggin

I was going to say George Washington they're kind of Pirates oforge washington they're kind of pirates of the caribbean style yeah yeah they're sort of yeah they and they also have to wear like a squid face in that way lawyers and judges from the uk are actually kind of part of the curl community okay they're all allies for sure we welcome them with open arms. Yeah, I would defend myself, I think, if I couldn't afford a lawyer. I actually think it would be easy and I'd be really good at it. Now, I wonder, in that case where you're defending yourself, do you have to wear a robe? Or are you just allowed to wear a suit just like you always wanted to?

I like the idea of them kind of having a little like like kind of like gym pennies but for robes they kind of pull them out and they kind of smell a bit like b.o and you're like oh i'm on the robe team do you know what pennies are short for no no pinafore oh like the no that's semaphore with the flags semaphore is like a big is like a like an aprony dress kind of thing oh i got it i know what it is because i used to be obsessed with the gold rush when i was a kid oh sure now why why did that happen okay because i was reading a lot of so something I was obsessed with when I was a kid was fictional diaries. Sorry. My guess was fictional diary.

Yeah, it was kind of like I want to read about like a teen in the gold rush who's writing in her diary. And that kind of spiraled into like making my entire family go to Barkerville and wear costumes while we were there for a homeless in Barkerville is like a uh a ghost town that has been um kind of like it's like whatever one of these heritage park well it was called heritage park in the one you went to in Calgary was where you go and like teens are dressed like in outfits and they're like it's like a historical reenactment yes village yeah yeah how far was barkerville from your home and far it was not that close

i won i want to say it was four hours so a four-hour drive and you made your family dress up in costumes whole family in costumes and i made us take a black and white picture of us all in our costumes and then i told people it was my great-grandparents why is she wearing speedo did you you brought costumes from home or did you did they give you costumes there okay so this is actually so i this is actually so sick and twisted of me but i made my family rent costumes and then i asked for like a costume that i could own for my birthday so i think because i could wear it whenever i how old were you like like yeah that age i don't know what age would that be appropriate

i just want to know because because you were you loved disneyland but pretended you hated it but you couldn't do that with Barkerville. You had to be, hey, everyone, we like this. This is what we like. Don't we, folks? Don't we? This was pre-Disney? This was pre-Disney.

This was like high school was in the far, far future, and I wasn't worried about being popular. Yeah, you were just worried about getting a worried about being popular. Yeah, you were just worried about getting a big gold nugget. Yeah, yeah. I was like, burn your pans, folks. We're panning for gold. If you go ever, if you get a chance to

go to Whitehorse to do a show, because they have a comedy festival sometimes, you get on a little plane, it goes up to, not Barkerville, Dawson City. And it is like an authentic, still trapped in time, Yukon gold rush town. Okay. Yeah, like the sidewalks are made out of wood.

And there's like the oldest casino in Canada is there. And ships come in the summer. And like, everybody's an entertainer or owns a little small business. So this could be you know wow it's gonna be a vacation yeah yeah it is pretty huge it's pretty great i'm i'm texting my parents asking them they still have the bonnet kicking around i'm breaking out the bonnet for one last tour i do like i have two daughters um and sometimes they'll be interested in a weird thing and i i want to encourage that but it's never gotten to the point of being like i want a period

costume i remember i had my cousin when she was really young she wanted she for christmas she asked for ivory soap she's like i heard it floats in the bathtub wow well imagine being so lucky that your kid only wants a bar of ivory soap yeah and that you can bribe them later on i've got another bar upstairs yeah i bought a six pack okay what is the weirdest thing your daughters have been interested in so far um hmm no they've been pretty they're pretty basic dragged on the podcast yeah they're absolutely they like you know gucci fendi um what uh like very briefly i was able to get them into like

uh like i'll show them movies from my childhood and they don't like any of it uh they only they only like whatever disney thing is out right now but yeah but they never really got into like they loved uh honey i shrunk the kids but they were never like i gotta get a big aunt let me sleep in a giant lego dad yeah okay that's a classic it is a classic was what was your favorite disney film you were disney uh kid you loved disney what was your favorite it was it was mulan yeah i was like yeah the they're funny kind of a banging soundtrack kind of we really can't go wrong with Milan and then for like maybe more problematic

Disney films that I liked probably like a snow wait sorry to say folks a little cast of seven dwarves all with their own distinct personalities that's problematic

yeah because we all know dwarves are uniform I'm like where's the female dwarf excuse me very much there's such simps there's absolutely simping for Snow White I know they really

are and it's like it was very creepy I'm like that was like yeah snow white and the um seven dwarves reminded me of when i stayed in a hostel room with five straight guys and guess what it's not anything like snow white and the seven dwarves it reminded me of that and it's nothing like it yeah where what what city were you in? I was in, guess what, a European city. And this was actually recently. This is where I got my world famous trench coat.

I was just talking about it. Okay, now where in the world is Danica Thiebaud? Yeah, can you guess where I might have gotten the trench coat? Oh, it's got to be London town. Guess what? Wrong. Rome. It was Rome. Rome. I was going to say Trenchcoat. Oh, it's got to be London town. Guess what? Wrong. Rome. It was Rome.

Rome. I was going to say Italy. Rome. Okay. Yeah. But I was in a London mood that day. So you were actually close in that regard. How far down the boot is Rome?

It's right in the middle. Right in the middle of the boot? Right in the middle of the boot. It's kind of if you were wearing a a cute, flirty, like calf boot. Oh, sure. Were you on a long trip? Yeah, I went for almost a month. What?

All over Europe? Yeah, and that's why I'm kind of so annoying lately. To come back to Europe is... So for the listeners, the first 35 minutes of the show if you were wondering it's because she went to europe coming back from europe is like one of the most annoying phases in life you can be like the month after you come back from europe when you're constantly being like actually in europe that's how i start most of my sentences these days what are you what are you calling out what are you calling out that you're like

well actually in Europe some of the most basic things in Europe there's lots of people on the streets randomly it'll be something like that when I was in Schöbenhavn which is how they pronounce Copenhagen the people at McDonald's

are actually really good at English it's kind of stuff like that and it's kind of like not novel observations about about europe or italy and probably untrue observations i'm like people there drink all the time and it's like no it was just you actually everybody in these bars seem to be yeah yeah they, they're like, can you please leave? It's a Monday. We really want to close. But you are wearing a blazer,

so maybe you're just on a lunch break. Everyone in Amsterdam gets high in a cafe and then goes and watches a movie, a matinee of freaking Lyle Lyle Crocodile. Lyle Lyle Crocodile. Lyle Lyle Crocodile. Now, Danica, you were staying in a hostel with three other dudes. These are dudes you know or just people in your room that you just happened to be in the room with? Five other dudes.

Five other guys. Five other dudes. And this was my last. I was staying in hostels with all girls the entire time. And they were heaven clean gorgeous made lifelong friends along the way get to the one mixed storm i booked like walking into absolute hell sort of covered in dirt pee on the ground and kind of guys a guy i walk in a guy's line in his bunk kind of surrounded by like plastic containers and I was like

I start okay sorry to the listeners but I actually checked into I stayed one night and I was like I'm checking into a hotel I pulled the ripcord on the hotel I was like we're tapping into the emergency fund so there was pee on the floor you sure you weren't

staying with cats you sure these were men and not cats there was pee on the floor you sure you weren't staying with cats you sure these were there was pee on the ground and my shoes stuck to the ground and i was on the top bunk um and i had to climb over like 47 guys and some of them were yeah really kind of weird and there and you said they were five straight guys how How do you know they were straight? Oh, it was, they made it abundantly obvious. It was kind of like, it was kind of like a backpack strewn on the ground with things kind of like overflowing out of it. And I was like, okay, perfect. Straight, straight, straight, straight.

Kind of like a beige t-shirt, straight. Kind of, it was, it was kind of like, I was like not even a shred of bi in this room okay it was like the room ranked overall as a kinsey like one but that guy had all those plastic containers maybe there's something freaky in those yeah yeah that's true i didn't ask okay i'm gonna the way, I'm about to get in trouble. But first of all, why is anything not straight freaky, Graham? And I'm going to regret asking this question. How do gay people backpack?

Yes. And guess what? I actually don't know because none of them were in my room. So I won't be able to be your correspondent on the ground for that one. And I would never put you in that situation. Yeah. Yeah. So that was my experience in the mixed storms. And I won't be returning to a mixed dorm as I will be going girl mode all the way. If I ever stay in a hostel again.

Now you were in, you were in Rome. Where did you go? Were you just in Rome. Did you go, were you just in Rome, or did you go all over the place? I kind of did. I did Mulan. I did like- Mulan, that's your favorite movie, Mulan.

I was like, okay, this is just like Disneyland. This is a ride. What's the song from Mulan? Who is that girl I see cut this obviously nope um what's the one where she goes to the like the woman who gives her the makeover is that the one oh wait is there one that's like let's get down to business and defeat the hands well that i'm sure that's that's the inspo that's an inspo that's for the war what's the like first song where she's like getting dropped in the bathtub um who i think i almost

want to say that was the one i just sang but it might have been so unrecognizable i don't know, man. No one write in, please. Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns. I used to go jogging to that song all the time. Some of the fastest I've ever run in my entire life. You just need the right motivation. That's all it takes. You need the right motivation.

So that was kind of, yeah, I did Florence. I did Siena. I did Bologna. I did Rome. I did Siena. I did Bologna. I did Rome. I did, I kind of did the North. I did the North in a big way. And were you, you were just traveling just solo? Just the.

Yeah. I went alone. I was like, I'll get in. If I was like, if I go with a friend, I know we're going to get in a life altering fight. So I was like, I'll just, I'll just go alone. I'll walk around and i'll listen to me listening to like a podcast in the vatican i deserve to be burned at the stake i was literally listening to like comedy podcasts at the coliseum what um what were we saying in the coffee yeah no no don't

worry um what uh who's the what how old is too old to stay in a hostel? Well, actually, I have an interesting take on this. Because they call them youth hostels. Yeah. And I guess I thought before going on this trip that I was at the age 26 that I thought I was a youth. And it turns out I was quite old in the hostels and people were people said i would say i'm 26 and they would say things like oh my god drop your skincare routine i was like okay do you guys not know that 26 is actually one of the youngest ages

26 youngest ages 26 youngest ages exactly um again at one point i even asked i because i thought everyone was maybe like just graduated college because they're all like we just graduated and i was like oh my god like what did you study and they were literally like reading writing and reading, writing, and arithmetic. We just graduated primary school. Yeah, I was like, okay, damn. But I think I got in touch with my inner child and I was able to hang out with them in a way that felt

real and organic. I stayed in a hostel once because the hotel I was staying in fell through. So I stayed at this hostel and it was in the common area and I was... I don't know where the remote was, but Clockwork Orange was playing

and I was sitting there and there was all kids around me. Kids that were 12 years old and I was like, who's in charge of these kids? Kids don't watch. I... My worst hostel experience was in london uh and this guy this guy was a i've told this on the show i'm sure before uh this guy was snoring so loud and there were like 10 of us in the room on bunks and people were throwing stuff at him i had like

i'd been in europe all summer and i just had coins from various countries that i was just whipping at this guy and he would wake up and go and just like fall back asleep with the most horrendous snoring and then the next day he didn't remember any of it and he was like oh i just had this terrible cold he uh he should just get the hostels a c-pad machine which is like a couple extra bucks yeah i'm picturing the hostels c-pad machine like plugged into the wall like the hair dryer you kind of have to like snake it from the bathroom because i went to when i went to Europe in 2002, I backpacked. And hostels were like 20 euros a night in some cities, up to like 50. What are they now?

Okay, well, where I went, which obviously was like touristcentral.com, they were up to 70 Canadian dollars a night. Okay. Okay. Not bad. It wasn't bad, but it was like also, it was like, oh yeah, it seems like a lot to be sleeping in a bunk bed sometimes. Yeah. But it's the indoor part. If you can sleep on a bunk bed anywhere in the world, or in a ditch for free. Indoor was luxury.

And you know what? Some of the hostels were really nice and they were kind of like, if we work was a hostel, I stayed in a few for free? Indoor was luxury. And you know what? Some of the hostels were really nice and they were kind of like if WeWork was a hostel, I stayed in a few. Well, Danica, you bring honor to us all. Nice. Oh my God.

That's the song. That's the one I couldn't remember. That's a classic. I'm going to have to listen to the soundtrack after this, actually. I'm going to have to revisit. Well, make sure you go for a run yeah god knows god knows i need to i did i did i'm trying to restart working out after my trip and i did about five squats with a eight pound hand weight yesterday and yeah it was a it was kind of a hand weight like the kinds moms might buy at costco and i can't like i couldn't even get up from my desk chair today it it put me under i on the

weekend i needed to kill some time i was like jesus where's this going yeah okay someone needs a judge all of a sudden i brought my daughters we we were gonna go skating and but the rink the open skating didn't open till i'm 45 and uh we only had one helmet and one of them was outgrown her helmet so we went to canadian tire to buy a helmet but i was like we gotta kill time in canadian tire yeah let's walk around so oh they got a 25 pound weight let's take turns trying to lift this thing okay for a second when you said only one of your daughters had a helmet i thought it was gonna be like a sophie's choice situation and you would have to choose which daughter got to wear a helmet so glad to hear you went to canadian tire did you go to the canadian tire

that is on canby street no because i shopped online and i they have a good uh system online of telling you what's in stock i went to the one on marine drive wow wow do you have any uh anecdotes about the canby street canadian tire just once me and nathan went there to get a razor and it was we almost had like a pan's labyrinth type experience like the the kind of skinniest guy i've ever seen kind of like slinked over to unlock the case and then he was like he was like i'll meet you at the till and then he sprinted away as fast as he could go and me and nathan were physically running through the store after him to try and get to the till it was like he was kind of magical it was like it felt it felt unreal and he was skinnier than bella hadid i can't stress that um who's

nathan for the listener oh nathan is my dear friend comedian um and we sometimes even host a podcast together but let's not talk about that um and sometimes we go to canadian tire together and if you're gonna rank the best dressed comedians in town where's nathan um he ties number one with me nice well done yeah kind of you now why were you going to canadian what kind of razor are we talking about yeah we're talking about straight razor electric kind of like really powerful it razor? Electric. Kind of like really powerful. It was behind the glass. They were like in the wrong

hands. This razor could wreak havoc in this town. I don't think it was like you needed a permit for it. It was literally behind bulletproof glass. Yeah. No, it was permit. It was permit. They looked at us and they were like are these two mentally sound? They looked at how thick your hair was and they were like okay, we gotta give it was permit. It was permit. They looked at us and they were like, are these two mentally sound?

They looked at how thick your hair was and they were like, okay, we got to give it to them. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. To be behind the bulletproof glass, I'm like, wow, the criteria. The criteria that needs to be met. Crest white strips don't deserve a place. Crest white strips do not deserve a place behind the bulletproof glass

and also you believe that it's bulletproof this is bulletproof glass people are firing live rounds at cress white strips because what is behind the bullet what was behind that glass there's razor blades there's sadly baby formula yeah yeah toothbrush um electric toothbrush or regular yeah for sure what belongs behind there literally nothing everything should be accessible to steal shopliftable everyone should everything should be shopliftable if you're willing to roll the dice and shoplift a toothbrush and you get away with it, then actually

we should all celebrate that. Yeah, and you should get points from wherever you stole from if you're successful in getting out the door. You should be able to go online and log in to get the points after. See, I have no receipt, therefore I stole it.

Exactly. And also, crest white strips weight strips come on that's just narcissistic to be behind the bulletproof glass who do you think you are yeah have you ever used them oh yeah i once a year i say once a year once a year yeah i kind of do an annual strip and i say watch out boys teeth are about to get a lot whiter around here i think i tried them when i was boys when they when they first came out i was in high i think i was maybe in grade 12 yeah and i tried them and they hurt so much they they hurt yeah and that means they're working i guess so and you have do they work do your teeth end up being whiter or is it all just a scam so i've never because i use them improperly and only use

one a year when you're supposed to use about 12 yeah that's the thing you're supposed to do them like every day for two weeks yeah yeah i've never actually reaped the benefit of my one and then i tried again like probably in my mid-30s. I was like, oh, you know what? My teeth are looking a little dingy. Yeah. And then I bought a set, and I was like, oh, yeah, these hurt. I forgot these hurt.

Yeah. Yeah. And also in, like, the commercials, they used to say, do the napkin test, which was, like, hold your teeth up, do a napkin. I was like, Jesus Christ. Come on. Like, at least a Subway napkin that's kind of a little brown. At least a napkin that has kind of a set list on there.

Yeah. Do the oatmeal test. Hold them up to a bowl of oatmeal. Oh, they're fine. Right. Yeah. But of course, it's like sometimes you do look at your teeth and you're like, wow, these are the color of sand.

They look like hamsters teeth like i guess i shouldn't have a hundred cups of coffee a day yeah there's a wasn't there commercial where it was like somebody was gonna go to an audition yeah or something like that and the person was like don't drink coffee and you see her drinking coffee and eating blueberry pie yeah it was like no coffee no red wine no blueberry pie and it was like blueberry pie yeah it was like no coffee no red wine no blueberry pie and it was like blueberry pie is an everyday thing for these actresses blueberry pie she's like no there goes my breakfast i eat one blueberry pie for breakfast every day yeah did you guys also have what was your relationship with the product brush upsps? Did those cross your desk?

What I can tell you is I've never heard of it until today. Oh my God. Graham? No, I've never heard of this. Never heard of this. Okay. These swept my city when I was in grade seven. Okay.

They were the hottest thing around. They were a little cover. You slipped on your finger and you used it to brush your teeth so the theory was if you didn't have a toothbrush you put this thing on your finger and you just finger brushed with it and it changed my town it changed my town i'm like i would pay upwards of a million dollars to access a brush up today. So business idea. Well, it had bristles on it.

No, it was literally like a picture. It was literally kind of a wipe for your teeth. Okay. Dentists were shaky and they were like, well, that's the end for us. Yeah.

Yeah. Dentists hate this product. Big dentist paid to paid to kill the brush app. That's what I believe. Oh, man, that does sound pretty good, though. You know, in the middle of the day, just a quick brush? Sounds great. Oh, my God.

Yeah, and they were, like, minty and fresh and kind of had disposable packaging, which is well bad for the environment. Like, there's something magical about a little disposable thing that comes individually wrapped and i they're sorry to say it it's true it is true you feel like you're rich you feel like you're rich you feel rich there's nothing more luxurious than a single wrapped item unfortunately yeah no it's true yeah you can get it with a cough drop even just opening a cough drop feels

like hey tiny present yeah literally king of the world today i was boy i don't remember why i'm bringing this up say it say it today i was today i was looking at a news story and you know at the bottom of a webpage they'll just have like a bunch of clickbait and four of the five windows had Kevin O'Leary in the picture

four out of five wow he's dominating the space so Dave rates products too four out of five Kevin O'Leary anyway Dave rates products too. Anyway, well,

how could that possibly have anything to do? I'm, I actually, have you guys ever clicked one of those clickbait things? Cause I do want to do it before I die. I think right when my computer is about to need to go into the garbage, I'm going to click all of them. I can. I've clicked one.

I'm not like straight up clickbait, but like if you're reading an article yeah online and then there's like an article from another website i've done that yeah and it's okay that's adjacent and did you find the information you were looking for they were absolutely fraudulent the thing that they were saying the picture that they're showing is never you never pays off Certainly not until slide 48. Yeah, and then also, like, it's, you know, these ten stars used to be the kings of Hollywood,

and now they work day jobs. And you're like, Alicia Cuthbert was the king of Hollywood? Yeah, the guy who played the Shermanator in American Pie. One of our finest actors. Okay, I love that. Okay, I'm glad you guys were kind of on the ground to do that work for me. Okay, I love that. Okay, I'm glad you guys were kind of on the ground to do that work for me. Yeah, we're boots on the ground there.

Yeah, because I'm a bit scared. I mean, my Mac is at this point seven years old, which in Mac years is about 120 years old. Still chugging along, though. Yeah, but if my mouse even comes near one of those articles, instant death for my Mac, I can tell. My Mac is wheezing and hacking as we speak. It's experiencing symptoms of menopause, I would say. Pretty hot.

Wheezing and hacking. It's wheezing and hacking, steaming hot. Mine definitely has hot flashes if it's on my lap. Absolutely. Which I'm like, that's what it was designed for. Whenever the laptop gets hot on my lap, I'm like, you have lap in the name, girl.

Okay, this is literally in your job description. Yeah, wait, my tech is... Can I tell you guys something that my tech did to me today? Tell me about your tech. Yeah, please. New segment on the show. Tell me about your tech. Yeah, please. New segment on the show.

Tell me about your tech. I need to get this off my chest because it was actually so harrowing. I'm sitting at home, okay? In dead silence, looking at my laptop. And my Google Home, completely unprompted, I literally wrote it down in my notebook because I need to get it right, was said, I was just thinking about how important it is to unplug. Sometimes it's better to connect with people rather than Wi-Fi.

Completely unprompted. Said that to me. Your Google Home said that to you? Said that to me. It said, sometimes it's important to unplug. And I was like, okay, my Google Home's asking me to kill it yeah question mark isn't that scary is your google home it's just like a thing well i did i got it for free i got it for free off a spotify giveaway contest so i probably like signed something that was like it can talk to you if it wants to and also if you release an

album it's exclusive to spot yeah exactly but now you're not supposed to. And also if you release an album, it's exclusive to Spotify. Yeah, exactly. But now you're supposed to do that. When Joe Rogan dies, he gets to marry you in heaven. Provided you're a virgin. Um, what,

uh, uh, it's just that you don't have like a bunch of like, no, uh, Google home like Google Home activate microwave in my studio apartment that would be hilarious to have four Google Homes like turning on the one light

in my studio apartment no I'm so now I'm a bit scared because I also did watch just watched the trailer for Megan about the sentient robot so I'm a bit scared because I also did watch just watch the trailer for Megan about the sentient robot. So I'm a bit like, is that happening to me? Am I experiencing my own Megan? You get that scared from a trailer?

Yeah, it was scary. Have you watched it? The Yassified, the Yassified little AI doll? No. Have you watched the Yassified AI doll? I feel like this is Chucky. I feel like this is a modern day Chucky is what I'm hearing. It's a bit of a modern day Chucky.

And this is like breaking news on the internet. I read a lot of Gawker. Unfortunately, it's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning. It still exists? It's new and it's rocks. Me plugging Gawker on a podcast is actually deranged but i'm like it's really funny and they're doing groundbreaking work covering the megan trailer okay okay well somebody's doing the good work which is great it's basically just a doll that comes alive um and also allison

williams is in the movie so that's allison williams of girls does she get her ass eaten there's nothing megan won't do and in the trailer there's kind of a master class in writing exposition um allison williams says to the girl in the back of her car you're my niece and your parents just died i love that it's the first line of the trailer and i was like wait actually a plus writing yeah that's right finally someone who's just willing to tell and not show for once in our lives um dave what's going on with you, man? Oh, me? Yeah, you. Hey, I didn't forget. Well, I don't know if I mentioned this, but I went to go see Lyle Lyle Crocodile. Now, I'm not familiar with this IP.

I don't know what Lyle. I wasn't either. I know the movie is out, but that's it. So here's what's up. I'm familiar. Are you familiar? Well, just i'm familiar that sean mendez is an animated crocodile okay so this was this weekend for uh non-canadian listeners this was thanksgiving weekend one of like i feel like it's been since the school year

started for my kids it's been three day weekends all but twice. Yeah. Lucky, lucky kids. It's been like long weekends for various holidays. Also the queen died so they got an extra long weekend. They're not really Royals fans, are they? Or are they Royals watchers? They love the Kansas City Royals. They're big

George Brett fans. They were upset when he was accused of having his bat corked. But the... If you didn't get that reference at the beginning of the show, you're not going to get that, Danica. Yeah, that was fake too. I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to be a good guest. You're being a great guest. What didn't she get at the beginning? Oh yeah, the Columbine guys Our friends from Columbine The Columbine boys So yeah, it was a long weekend So it was a lot of like

Activities, let's get the girls Out of the house as much as possible And then on My family always does Thanksgiving dinner on the sunday night but this year my nephew you're my nephew and your parents just and i'm not taking care of you you're going straight to the orphanage yeah or fanato for you boy uh but uh he had like a hockey tournament or something so we moved it to to saturday or to monday we moved dinner to monday thinking saturday night thanksgiving

holy shit that'd be wild we did a uh so sunday it was like too much too much free time so i i uh i i looked at what kids movies were in the theater. None. Except Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile. This is not an IP I know. It apparently was a book. Yeah, I know that it's a book, and I know the Shawn Mendes trailer. Yeah.

Is it like a Paddington situation where it's fine that he's an alligator and everybody else is a human? It seems to be okay javier bardem is a guy who is like why is he in this movie uh basically i was like okay who wants to go see this movie and poppy my five-year-old was like yes margo my eight-year-old was like no and she was like i want to have alone time with mom oh whoa wow okay and uh so we went to see la la crocodile which is uh she she i showed her the trailer because i was like this looks bad right yeah you don't want to? You don't want to see this, right?

You don't want to see this. And she was like, no, I want to see it. Now, Dave, did you get the rumble seats when you were there? I did not. I did not spring for the rumbles. So we went to see it. It turns out what she really wanted was popcorn. Yes.

Yeah. Classic mix-up. So we went to see and when we go there uh we have no idea what this movie's about but we're like it's a kid's movie it's got the same trailers that every kid's movies had for the last six months of like everyone wants to go see us well everyone wants us to go see puss in boots yeah yeah absolutely um the uh when you like la la crocodile there's no paul hogan there's no crocodile dundee crossover or winking reference was there maybe like a picture of him on the wall somewhere or something like that um maybe there's easter eggs okay okay but we went to it's an hour and 45 minutes whoa dang

yeah yeah is that good is that long or short that's for lyle long i would say so have your bardem is a like a song and dance man who's looking for his next act and he does he sing and dance in this movie yes he does oh excellent yes and he is a um uh he keeps getting he gets like denied from like uh our american idol style show they're like come back with me you have a new act and he goes to a an exotic pet store and he he finds a singing crocodile who's such a cute baby they should have just kept him a cute baby crocodile the whole movie but he grows up real fast and then does he wear a scarf yeah i had to grow up real fast this is the entertainment industry exactly right and he does yeah he wears a scarf he doesn't talk he only sings so if there's a situation where he can answer a question let's just uh cue the music and now can he sing the answer or can

he only sing uh other songs that make it like he only sings entire songs oh okay whoa so he can't tell you to like watch out on that ladder no no no no and he is he moves a little too sensually yeah he's got that long crocodile body he's like buck cherry out there uh but he's um so heavier bardem also is like my next show is gonna have a singing crocodile in it so i i'm so confident in this show i will put my house up again like i i can't pay pay to put this show on but i'm so sure it'll succeed here Here's the deed to my house, and it doesn't succeed. No. Oh, shit.

And then, so he's got to leave town, and there's just a crocodile living in the attic of this house. Okay. He left the crocodile alone? Yeah. It's sad. It is sad. Whoa. Also, I like the idea of an American Idol idol type show where you have to put your house up

as collateral and if you don't get it you're so fucking sure she bangs um and then uh so then it's really unclear what the ownership situation is on this house because then it's an escrow constant woo from uh fresh off the boat and uh hustlers moves in okay nice with her husband who i think is called scoot mcnary scoot mcnary okay okay and they have a son and the son goes up to the attic and discovers there's a freaking crocodile up here again he doesn't he doesn't discover a skeleton of a crocodile who hasn't eaten since his owner moved a crocodile who hasn't said a word in years or is it they go up there and there's a whole bunch of human remains because he's been sneaking out at night and eating people. And the son is like, he's getting anxious, and he's like,

I can't, I got to get to school in the big city. It's so tough. They're in New York. And I can't do this. And then he meets a crocodile, and he's finally got confidence. At the top of the world tonight, says the crocodile. Wow! I like that it gives him confidence.

And then about 45 minutes in, your kid turns to you and says, I'm bored. And you say, me too. And you leave and you're like, well, we can't go home yet because I promised your older sister she'd have time alone with mom. So let's

go to the car wash. Nice. That's a fun trip. Wow. So you still don't know how Lyle Lyle the crocodile ends then. I don't even know if Javier Bardem comes back. Wow. You need to Google

ending of Lyle Lyle crocodile explained immediately. Explain. A lot of people didn't pick up on this, but the secret imagery in Lyle Lyle Crocodile. So it ruled. It sounds like it rules. On the fence about LLC. How?

Okay, I might have to go see it. I believe that you guys probably left just into the break into Act 2. You guys were maybe, you guys maybe didn't give Lyle a chance. Yeah, sure. We were probably at the point of no return where Lyle sleeps with Constance Wu.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's what gave him confidence. That's a very, um, I like that message. Like you can be confident if you make friends with a singing crocodile or if you have a lethal weapon that you carry around with you.

I've only, I know I, I've never walked out of a movie before I had kids. Uh, and since I've had kids, I walked out of that and I walked out of a movie before I had kids and since I've had kids I walked out of that and I walked out of we walked out of you left Poppy there you finish this movie on your own we walked out of Smallfoot

the Channing Tatum one of the Yeti movies you hated it so much I remember how much you hated Smallfoot whoa they must not be making animated movies Yeti movies that came out. You hated it so much. I remember how much you hated Smallfoot. Whoa. Okay. They must not be making animated movies like they used to.

I don't know. I think my kids are just a little spoiled with it because they have access to anything on the old Apple TV. That's true. And of course, the idea of watching a 14 movie, I could I could barely watch an eight minute YouTube video today. Now, one hundred and forty five minutes is not what this was. It was an hour and forty five minutes, which is OK. You know what? It's like it's like this is why I can't be a lawyer. OK, this is like time is metric. Yeah. Your honor, can I take a lawyer. Okay. This is like, to me. Do you think time is metric? Yeah.

Your honor, can I, can I take a hundred minute recess? I'm kind of like, that's on time. I'm like, that makes absolutely no sense. Whoever came up with 60 as a number,

pulled that out of a literal hat. That's what I have to say. And you're not wrong. Very weird. I stand, I actually stand by my stamps that 145 minutes is an hour it is weird that like metric metric makes so much sense for so many things and yet we don't use it for time we're like yeah it's like i'll see you in you know it's 25 too what do you mean yeah out of 60 agreed yeah absolutely let's switch back to imperial

yards and whatnot graham what's uh what's your whole vibe what's my whole vibe i like to lay down at danica what's my whole vibe oh it's so hard to capture okay i'm just gonna finish the sentence you just started since you said i like to lay down are we talking a vibe in a certain situation or just general we are not answering that question okay i definitely like i like the idea of the sentence actually ending there like my vibe is i like to lay down like that's true yeah which is a vibe that's extremely relatable but i think you were gonna say i like to like lay down and maybe watch watch a video on your phone yeah that's that's a that's a vibe absolutely i think uram likes to lay down some fat beats but i only do it laying down so yeah yeah so you can really uh get

those really uh guttural words this kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. You actually have, I'm going to say, a supremely hard vibe to pin down. Yeah, that's true. I am a chameleon. I'm no Lyle Lyle Crocodile. I'm a chameleon, not an alligator. You're a Carl Carl comedian.

But I'd be interested in hearing how you self-define your vibe. You know, let's say it's biggie smalls meets tupac and uh the two sides don't really get along but we make it work okay sitcom coming soon greenlit straight to series i know i'm trying to have a I'm trying to have a better vibe lately but it's vibe is one of the hardest things to change about yourself

that's true that's true yeah true words never been spoken I would love to I would love to give off a chill vibe even for like one day one day of the year

that would be cool pick the day and then aim for it you know yeah what about that day in the Google calendar that says epiphany for some reason? Yeah. That's a good one.

Does anyone know? I'm like, I thought it was just me. What is it, like January 6th? Yeah. And I'm like, is this an order? Like what? Why is this in my Google calendar? I think it's in January, right?

Yeah, it's in january and i'm like okay it is this year it's it'll be january next year it'll be january 6th i believe it is something it's like 12th night or something it's like uh greek christmas yeah did glenn and doyle make this calendar like why am i supposed to have sort of a i'm supposed to have a realization on this day something that's never happened graham do you know who glenn and doyle no this is me just trying to hope that that reference did archimedes have a freaking our our people our references are actually a venn diagram that has no middle section. That's true. Glennon Doyle is kind of self-help.

He's kind of writing books that are... Actually, he wrote a book that I would say was the worst book I read last year. Kind of like a Liz Gilbert Eat, Pray, Love style book, except really bad. How many Kevin O'Leary's would you give it? I would give it one kevin o'leary but fun cover i'll say i'll say that what was it called guess what doesn't oh i believe it had the word i want to say it had the word wild in it which is a red flag already yeah yeah well are you a big self-help reader absolutely not but at this point i was like yeah i could probably use a little

help never hurt anyone this book comes with free crest white strips i'm not a big self-help person but i was like okay would it kill you to self-improve danica read this book most boring book i've ever read i was like okay would it kill you to self-improve danica read this book most boring book i've ever read i was like well back to back to the trenches we go yeah yeah fight fight all your personal battles are you guys self-help no no i'm a lost cause here i go to a sales force uh weekend and i just uh yell we scream at each other and we say we're not afraid a girl from my high school keeps trying to sell me soap you're wearing little fleece vests

at salesforce weekend fleece vests and just screaming at each other from across the boardroom yeah yeah yeah I almost got to go to a salesforce weekend when I was interning at a PR firm in college, they were going on a trip to Vegas.

Shit. Salesforce team. Yeah. So that could have changed the course of my life. Yeah. There's a, yeah. Do you have any regrets?

Yeah. I could be, I could be selling a lot of stuff right now. We always ask our guests, how did they ended up on our show? Yeah. And we, and then we ask what type of products are you peddling? What type of products am I peddling?

Blazers. I'm like, everyone deserves to feel like a CEO in a blazer. That would be my Jenkins down pitch for my blazer. What, Graham, did we get as far as what you were laying down? No, but it's not important. what Graham did we get as far as what you were laying down uh no but it's not important wait actually I wanna know

I wanna know what's going on with me yeah cause you need to finish your sentence that's true laying down um

I don't know what I was saying but here we go let's take it from another angle I have no idea um the on my street first of all this week I watched

Nightmare on Elm Street. The original. If you've seen the whole series, he becomes kind of a pun guy over time. Who's he? Freddy Krueger. Oh, Fred. Oh, pun?

Yeah. He's always like, you know, this person's head gets chopped off and he's always like you know this person's head gets chopped off and he's always like head you go there yeah i'm not good at it and he also called everybody bitch that was something that happened in the later series um but yeah freddy krueger he was called fred krueger in this one and uh he was introducing Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp's movie premiere. And, you know, lots of good nightmare content. You know, kids trying to stay awake after all hours.

And good practical effects, good practical effects, lots of fun. But on my street, not El fun but on my street not elm street my street there's a guy like four blocks away that does halloween in such a spectacular fashion last year it was his whole lawn was like a scary clown circus and there was like a ticket booth and there was like a little kind of ride yeah it was really really cool. And so now it's like, it's, it's like an advent calendar. Now he puts out one new thing a day that he's like,

so there's a big entrance way that he's, that says skeleton graveyard. And that's leading up to his door. And then today there was a little fence. He's putting a little fence around. So we'll see what, but man, oh man, oh man,

it's, I, I could set my watch by it. Now this guy's so regular with it. There's some people in my neck of the woods who have skeletons. And last year they had two skeletons in the yard that would every, every day they'd be posed in a different position. And now they have four skeletons and they had on Thanksgiving, they were eating Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, yes. They had them on each other's shoulders. Oh, my God. Peering into the window of the house. Oh, that's so cool. People like that are backbone of the community. Yeah. It seems like so much work.

And they'll never know how appreciated they are. Yeah. Because I'm not knocking on their door being like, great job today. When I walked by, I was like, can't wait to see, can't wait to see it's happening. It's happening. Okay. He, it's also like the, we have incredibly summer, like weather happening here for a place where it rains from Septemberember to june it hasn't

rained in weeks yeah really and so all the halloween decorations are are that normally just get battered and gross by the weather are thriving yes yeah and uh i saw somebody with a like you know at christmas they have like the blow up. Yeah. You know, snowman and stuff. They have blow up Halloween guys now. Yeah, I've seen a lot of that. That's cool. Are you guys participating? Are you guys doing Halloween decorations this year?

Well, I live in an apartment, so. Right. That's a harsh no from. There's creative, creative things you can do. That's true. Except my window faces an alley, so nobody would see my cool window display. You can't have a clown hanging from a noose. I guess I could.

I could put a clown out by the recycling bins, and then everybody would get to see them. No, we don't. We put out pumpkins, and we don't want to do them too early because they end up rotten by Halloween. Okay, plain and simple. Yeah, so

We're simple folks here. Yeah, exactly. We're kind of like I don't know if you've read any kind of gold rush fake diaries but we're simple. We live off the land. Yeah. The land provideth and we thank the Lord.

We thanketh. My family's go to Halloween decoration was we would just take plastic bags from under the sink and we would fill them with garbage and then we would tie them so it kind of looked like a ghost and we would hang them from our trees so it's just like

garbage swaying in the wind don't go to their house it's just like stinks so that's kind of a hack except now there's So it's just like garbage swaying in the wind. Yeah, don't go to their house. It's just like, stinks. So that's kind of a hack, except now there's no bags anymore. So you might have to get creative with how you make your dough. I know, it is tough. Yeah, it is tough out there. It's a hard market. You guys want to move on to some overheards?

Yes, please. All right. Her Majesty served Great Britain and the Commonwealth loyally for over 70 years. And while, of course, we feel a profound sadness, we must remember she lived a long life and died in such a way that I think many of us would want for ourselves. She was at home, surrounded by her family. And of course, she was listening to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award winning comedy podcast,

and you can find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. You're in a theater. The lights go down. You're about to get swept up by the characters and all their little details and interpersonal dramas. You look at them and think, that person is so obviously in love with their best friend. Wait, am I in love with my best friend?

That character's mom is so overbearing. Why doesn't she just stand up to her? Oh God, do I need to stand up to my own mother? If you've ever recognized yourself in a movie, then join me, Jordan Cruciola, for the podcast Feeling Seen. We've talked to author Susan Orlean on realizing her own marriage was falling apart after watching Adaptation, an adaptation of her own work, and comedian Hari Kondabolu on why Harold and Kumar

was a depressingly important movie for Southeast Asians. So join me every Thursday for the feeling scene podcast here on maximum fun. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment where, uh, it's the only other segment besides get to know us, but it ends the show and it's such a powerhouse.

And if you hear something out there in the world, don't keep it to yourself. Send it over to us. We like to hear it. And we always like to start this segment with the guest. Danica, would you please? Okay. So mine might be a little long winded because for the following reason, I'm always listening to a podcast.

I've never overheard anything in my entire life. Okay. Except for recently, I saw two girls at the bus stop talking in sort of what looks like a conspiratorial tone. I said that word wrong, but ignore that. Okay. It's pronounced tone.

Tone. Ripped out the headphones to indulge and kind of here's what I heard. This girl is dating two guys, okay, at at the same time she decides to go camping with one of them she goes camping with one of them for an entire weekend the weekend starts off great okay they're having fun they're live laugh loving and then things take a turn for the worse they're sleeping in the same tent and it is not going well they're fighting they're arguing she ends up storming out of the camp site taking all her stuff camping gear and guess who she calls to pick her up from weekend boy number two

and that's what i had to say all hail our new queen you go camping doesn't work out next oh man yeah that was good my overheard i was like girls are still out here doing it in these streets that's what i'll say the like okay that sucks for everyone yeah because it's like what's the other boy just i'm just gonna camp by myself for the rest of the week she was definitely an anti-hero in the story. She's definitely a Carrie here. And then there's no camping, like, there's no camping close enough that, like, so this guy's gotta drive hours

to pick her up. Based on my calculations of what I heard from the story, it was a two-hour drive. Two-hour drive to go, well, you know what, if you're desperate enough, if somebody's like, come pick me up at a campsite two hours away, I'd be like, alright. I'm another boy that i i don't like anymore but guess what it's your chance you're up if you want to try graham danica both of you what's the most people you've dated at one

time oh for me it's gonna be maximum one yeah i'm literally a one i'm kind of a one for even just scheduling reasons alone i don't even understand it i don't understand when you're like when people are like i'm dating a few people like i'm what i'm i can't even watch more than one show yeah there goes your entire there goes your entire week basically playing three instruments at the same time you know what i mean like something like a one-man band yeah yeah one as well i think one is uh uh plenty i think one is definitely enough a bunch of players on this podcast absolutely our listeners right now are like well come on guys our listeners are wait the girl who was obsessed with barkerville as a teen only dating one person at a time

this is absolutely psycho yeah I mean but you know what you gotta do what makes you feel comfortable if dating seven people makes you feel like you're getting it done then go ahead but this kind of inspired me as I was like not only was she dating two people at a time but she was living

she was doing something called living out loud and she kind of like connected that there was she wasn't keeping any secrets she was like pick me up from other guys that feels manageable to me if you were like so i'm dating both of you may the odds ever be in your favor then it takes the responsibility off you yeah does she like i don't know if she told the guys like hey you're picking me up from this camping trip i was taking with the other guy i'm dating i mean i assumed she would have to because while she was a skilled storyteller um she wasn't she was more seemed to be excelling in the non-fiction realm like i didn't really see her as a girl who could make something up out of thin

air especially on a two-hour car ride home. It's like, hey, by the way, what were you doing at that campsite? There would have to be, you'd have to come up with like a lore for the trip. There would have to be characters and fictional names. No one has time for that. Or you could just say he was eaten by a bear. I need a ride. That's good. He was eaten by a bear. Yeah. I need a ride. That's good.

He was eaten by a bear and the bear got in the car and drove away. So I need a ride. You'll be my new number one. If you come out here. At first I was like, I feel bad for this guy. But then I was like, you know what? I feel like he went into this with eyes wide open because they sounded like they hadn't been dating too long and they went camping together which i was like okay i'm this girl's begging to get murdered first of all she's begging on her

hands and knees to get murdered waving the please murder me flag and then this guy kind of agreed to it so i'm like you know what what? He's, he's guilty. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's fair. She called the other boyfriend and she's like, you're my ride or die.

Give me a ride or I'm going to die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In this way, there was actually no good characters in this story, which is why I think HBO should option the rights for it immediately.

It has hit potential. We could get The Weeknd to play the lead. Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is... Do you guys have scene points?

No, but I know people who do yeah so it's uh anyone not from canada i have movie theaters here they every commercial before the movie says get your scene card you get c you'll collect scene points yeah uh s c e n e i was just gonna say you gotta yeah i feel seen yeah uh and it's i've resisted for years but uh i am going to absolutely have to get it now because they're pushing it so hard now if you go to safeway instead of having air miles now you can collect scene points there and then also when i booked my tickets for la la crocodile uh there i booked them on my phone there's suddenly a three dollar online booking fee if you don't have a scene card oh shit so they're this is a that's an act of war as far as i'm concerned but

they're gonna win the war i'm gonna get one of these cards uh so i have two overheards um and i'll come back to scene points in a minute but i was at safeway where they now offer you you now can get scene points you can watch a turkey and buy a turkey there i said thank you for being so brave um so i was in line it was like 10 o'clock at night on a tuesday i was in line uh on it and on tuesdays well we'll get to it but i was behind this live i'm sorry go ahead go ahead uh So the cashier was this like guy in his 20s and the customer was a guy in his like 50s maybe. And they were talking. They were making small talk in the weirdest way. The cashier says, hey, Giselle Bunchen, that top model is getting a divorce.

And the customer says, ouch. And the cashier says, she's married to a football player. And the customer says, is he buff? And the cashier says, he's pretty lean actually he's a quarterback and the customer says well those guys meet a lot of women and it was like these are the most famous this is the most famous couple in the entire world neither of you mentioned the guy the the husband's name like you're talking about like you're talking about two strangers these are they're literally on the cover of this magazine right next to you

i love is he buff to bring back a word from 2008 oh is that the year of buff yeah i mean i could even bring it back to 1993 yeah it's buff is cyclical and yeah even i know who tom brady and giselle are yeah that's that's saying something where i know everything about them they don't need nightshades they do they kiss their kids on the mouth yeah that was huge that was a huge moment for them um but uh so to bring it all back here we go uh the the other person ahead of me in line uh it was so on the first tuesday of every month that safeway this is not a commercial for safeway but the first tuesday first tuesday of every month you can either get 10% off your purchase. It's customer appreciation days.

10% off your purchase or 200 scene points for every $20 you spend. Which, I don't know, is that a lot? Impossible to say. Customer appreciation day, like the rest of the time, disdain. We hate our customers. It's customer appreciation day like the rest of the time. Disdain. We hate our customers. It's customer contempt day. But I'm going to get a little bit of involvement from the two of you for this. So be prepared.

Okay. So the cashier was saying, yeah, you can can get 10 off your order or 10 off your purchase or 200 scene points for every 20 you spend and the customer says uh how many people choose the scene points and the the cashier says i don't know maybe five out of and i want you to finish this sentence how many people choose the scene points five out of five Kevin O'Leary's and obviously I'm like I'm jumping to ten five out of ten

people choose it yeah how many people five out of five five everyone choose the scene point everybody's instead of getting like twenty dollars off your two hundred dollar purchase I got I'm not paying to go see Lyle Lyle crocodile I'm going choose a scene point? Everybody chooses as much as they can. Instead of getting like $20 off your $200 purchase. I'm not paying to go see Lyle Lyle Crocodile.

I'm just going in on points. Yeah. So here's what it was. He said, how many people choose the scene points? And the cashier said,

I don't know, five out of a thousand? So nobody. The answer is nobody chooses the scene points. Yeah, five out of same point yeah five out of a thousand so mathematical yeah at least be like one out of 200 yeah

uh wow every thousandth customer yeah yeah i know it's like it's like reduce the what's that thing you where you reduce the denominator is one out of the lowest common denominator like he needed to bring it down cashier on are you getting a thousand customers on a Tuesday it's the only ones that you know it's customer appreciation day yeah that's true they want to feel appreciated. My overheard? Please. Yeah. I don't know if I did.

I don't know which one I did last week. I can't remember. But if I did this one already, then meal culpa. But I was eating ice cream in the plaza, enjoying some nighttime ice cream. And there was a... We've been eating all this late night ice cream. There you go. And there was a girl and a guy.

And the girl was just monologuing. The guy didn't say anything the whole time. I wasn't even sure if it was a guy. It may have been a pile of garbage. But she was just talking straight. No, no breaks. And at one point, my favorite thing i heard there was a string of things but my favorite thing was uh and i showed up and she said you know today is

fish day oh wow what day was it i don't know but they you know it was fish day yeah you knew that this was fish day yeah okay that rocks yeah that rules uh i mean it's usually friday right fish day yeah oh you can get a stick friday fish do friday yeah go to any cafeteria it'll be they'll be serving fish i love it um now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the world if you want to one in, send it to spy at maximum fun.org. And, uh, this is first ones from Alex a in Victoria,

BC. I was standing outside my barbers. And I heard the following exchange between a man and a woman, her. And it's so funny because you got me a plane ticket to Europe and I got you two shirts. It's funny. Yeah, he assumed this was really gonna

pay off handsomely. Anyway, can you pick me up from this campground? I'm fucking this other guy in the dirt. Yeah, I I guess, you know, didn't even bring it up really just you know just take the trip to europe yeah yeah now i feel bad um this next one comes from matt in clifton park new york i was at home depot i saw a woman struggling to wrangle three boys, all under 10 years old.

Each boy kept grabbing different items, but one in particular got away from the woman to grab an item off a display. The woman looked over her shoulder at the boy and said, no, absolutely not. I looked towards the boy to see what he looked sad and disappointed, and he was holding a radon detector. Kids love radon detectors. That's something that should be behind bulletproof glasses. Yes. What is radon? It's a gas, I think.

A poisonous gas? It's a poisonous gas. Absolutely not. It's a poisonous inert gas, I think. Okay, they're a gas-positive household. Yes, yeah. I think it would be like a like a CO2 detector or a smoke detector.

But I don't know where I don't have radon detectors, do I? I mean, except for these nipples of mine. Is there radon in here?

Because, check these out. This last one comes from Justin from Shawinigan, Quebec. home of our one of our prime ministers yeah and justin the name of one of our prime ministers holy shit this is good this is good to cross over content rich um this is a public transit overheard comes from my girlfriend this is justin and chawinigan his girlfriend the other day as she was waiting for the bus to leave the terminal an older

gentleman got in and sat in seat right next to her as he was sitting down the man looked around the other passengers and sighed deeply after a few seconds he said under his breath i can't wait to get my driver's license back you did it to yourself. Yeah, that's tough. I've never lost my driver's license. Knock on wood. I mean, I've lost it. I found it, but I've never had it taken

from me. I feel like I would probably still drive. Yeah, what are the odds you're going to get busted, right? You're a sane driver. Yeah, exactly. I've almost never had it taken from me. Not for lack of trying on my end. Do you have your license, Danica?

Guess what? I'm the only friend in my friend group who has my license, and I'm a terrible driver. I crashed my car on my driver's test, actually. And they still gave you the license, eh? He gave me the license the second time because i did a method in which i um recommend to anyone taking a driver's test where you tell them personal details about your life so they feel bad for you ah that's good i have a urinary tract infection crash it's a classic murder tactic you're kind of like you

kind of spit out as many facts about your life as possible and they have no choice but to give you the license at the end that's what a lot of James Bond villains do exactly is that three Graham? yeah let's go through them again

there's radon detector radon detector and um uh the fuck was the other one but I know there was three that's what I don't know the first one was the best one too it was fish

fish was mine I was fish oh right there was bus there was plane to Europe thank you the two sharks That was the best one. No, fish was mine. I was fish. Okay. Oh, right. There was bus. There was plane to Europe. Thank you. The two sharks. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you. That was brave of you to share those with us. And I salute you. Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. Spy pod one, like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Julie from Kelowna with an overheard. I was just at the gym the other day and there were a couple of bros really cheering each other on

with their bicep curls. And at the end of the workout, one of them said to the other day and there were a couple of bros really cheering each other on with their bicep curls and uh at the end of the workout one of them said to the other like oh man you're gonna be so pumped when you drive home you're look at you you're so pumped you just put one hand on the steering wheel and hang the other one out the window and do that thing with your arm where you you know do this and i i wasn't looking so i can't tell you but then he was like oh yeah she's gonna be real nice to you and I assumed they were talking about his girlfriend so I hope that he put on a good gun show for her

when he drove home that night alright thanks a lot you know get in shape if not for yourself but for your love yeah I mean yeah I think the thing out the window was doing the little, like, wavy, wormy thing. Oh, I thought it was just straight out, like, hanging out the window like a cool guy driving really slow and low. No, it was going different strokes.

And I was picturing, like, in an indie movie when they kind of, like, sort of do the wave, but they kind of feel the air and look sadly out the window. Oh, yes. Yeah. That's a good muscle you're gonna be just like lady bird on the right yeah what uh do you like uh are you nicer to guys with muscles danica well i mean the the internet brainwashed me into thinking timothy chalamet is the hottest body type so now it's like it's like anyone who could slip through like a sewer grate basically so you must like this lyle character that's really coming

just like anyone who's like looking like a body like a straight line that's what i love okay we're not here to body shame timothy chalam, thank you very much. Next phone call. Hey, Graham. This is Annie from Texas calling in with an overheard. I was in Portland this weekend and eating at kind of a crunchy, hipster, like farm-to-table organic kind of place. place. And I didn't realize that upon entering the restaurant, I very quickly figured it out when I overheard a man

asking about a certain drink on the menu and overheard the waiter say, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's one of my favorites. It's like more of a sipping vinegar, but there is that really nice puree in the middle of root

or, you know, shrub. Okay, bye. It's a sipping vinegar. It's a sipping vinegar, but you might taste a pickle or some dirt in there. Yeah, this is, uh, we're not doing shots of this, uh, this vinegar. Yeah, this is gonna be, you're gonna enjoy it.

Don't put ice in it, just drink it straight, because it's the way they it's actually the signature cocktail it was the signature cocktail at my wedding it was a vinegar and baking soda yeah we did a volcano theme a volcano theme

it was like an Irish car bomb with just like you know a pint of vinegar and a shot glass of baking soda okay here's your final phone call hi dave graham and devilish guests of the heart of gold. So I was at work today, and I was walking back up to the front and heard a coworker of mine and a customer having a discussion about the customer's dog, who was apparently coming to the end of its life. And so my coworker asked, oh, how old is your dog? And then the customer said, well, he just turned 12 turned 12 on 9-11 so yeah he's an election baby all right thanks guys off i go

wow i don't know what that means yeah was he like born on 9-11 and then that would be more than 12 years old so if he's an election baby he would was he conceived at the previous election born on 9-11? Yeah, he was born on 9-11, so if he's an election baby, was he conceived at the previous election, which would have been in November? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Don't ask me to crunch the numbers.

Yeah, exactly. Five out of a thousand is going to understand. Yeah, five out of a thousand dogs were born on 9-11. Probably close to true. Yeah, it could be true. Well, that brings us to the end of this here program. Danica, thank you so much for being our guest.

Thank you for having me. This was a literal blast. And thank you to that guest for saying I have a heart of gold. Do have a heart of gold. Everyone knows it. Where can people find you online if they want to learn more about uh what what you're putting out there in the world you can follow me on the world famous app instagram or twitter.com at just at danica tebow and that's spell out tebow for our friends and Danica. Yeah, kind of D-A-N-I-K-A Kind of.

T-H-I-B-A-U-L-T There you go. You can just consult the title of this episode. It'll be right there in black and white for you. Exactly. Well, thanks again for being a guest and

thank you out there in the world. I do hope that you're getting ready for halloween because it's right around the corner and uh come back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.