Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 762 - Chris Locke

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Comedian Chris Locke returns to talk slashers, Halloween music, and a country music show. But we didn’t say anything about MC Hammer.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 762 of Stop Podcast Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is the last born child in his family, Mr. Dave Shumka. Last born child, I thought you said, for a second I thought you said laugh porn. Yeah, laugh porn child. He's a laugh porn child. Yeah, that's me. I'm the baby. That's why I always get special

treatment. I'm always everybody gotta give Davey a little bit of extra dessert for little Davey. Like an extra scoop of pudding for little Davey. A little baby Davey. We all

forgive Davey because he's a little baby. He doesn't know better. Always pulling hair and, you know, whipping it out. Our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast, very popular, hilarious, wonderful guest. He has a new comedy special out on crave television called captain bones. And you can hear him each and every week on his podcast. Uh,

evil men. It's Chris luck. Everybody. Hi, how are you doing? Hi, how are you? Grandma,

Dave, grandma, Dave, grandma, Dave. Oh, I'm going to die. you grandma dave grandma and dave grandma and dave oh man i'm gonna die i'm gonna put a knife in my eye you know what i mean yeah absolutely i know what you mean that's it ruled oh man i do not want a knife in my eye no way man it it's kind of halloweeny uh these days and i've been

watching a lot of slasher flicks so i'm ready for a knife in my eye yeah let's uh let's get to know us get to know us chris what kind of slasher movies are we watching here what are you checking out well i i watched slumber party massacre oneumber Party Massacre 2. Are these from the 80s or 90s? Yeah, I was wondering. Yeah, like 82, 84, something like that. So that real grainy, kind of 16mm looking kind of thing?

Kind of, yeah. They look kind of cheap and fuzzy. Especially the first one. Yeah, it's got that real gritty look to it. But it's kind of crazy because when i was in high school there was a slasher no yes and what did they wear a mask or did they attack in the school shower or what happened what was their method it was so creepy yeah they they Yeah, they used a... They used a...

A scimitar. Yes. No. No, don't joke, Graham. Was it an ulu knife? Was it one of those? Don't joke about this. They used one of those screws with the wooden handle that you have to hold the wooden handle.

Oh. And then screw. Like an ancient drill kind of situation yeah an ancient drill and so you hold the wooden handle and make the uh yeah the metal go round and round so that the screw goes into the uh the the person's head either like a super hot babe or like a dude that is horny for the babe yeah like a football all those guys yeah all those guys got it bad. Or a stoner. Oh, yeah, the stoner would get it.

A stoner in my high school got it bad. He got the... Got two drill holes in the head. Wow. That's shit. Yeah. But yeah, the slasher wore jeans, wore a jean jacket. Sounds cool.

Yeah, it does sound like it. I know. And he smelled like smoke. Why do they call him a slasher if he's drilling yeah i don't know and i said that to the cops i was like he's not a slasher he's a driller killer you know oh come on we got to do driller killer. Yeah. No, seriously. The cops are like, how do you know so much? And I was like, I'll just be over here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Skirky, skirky, skirky. Hey, who's making that noise? I'm scared. Let's get out of here. Don't you feel like someone is watching us shower for the past half an hour we've been showering for half an hour getting pretty pruney over here but uh

for the past 48 minutes i feel like someone's been watching us shower together and laugh how is our hair not even wet why do i yeah i'm not done washing my boobs yet it's been 48 minutes there's a drill coming through the bottom of the shower oh yeah that's first he drills a hole to like check out what's going on inside and then yeah and then he's like ah now now that i'm here i may as well kill them with this as well yeah they have to stand incredibly still too so you could get that first notch in growing up i i always kind of thought like oh man it's very this is very horny uh grown-up world is very horny total there's a lot of like looking at people watching people to get being naked and now as a grown-up if i saw saw a naked person, I would be like, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah. What are we doing here?

Yeah. And yeah, it wouldn't cause you to be violent either. I feel like it's really weird. Yeah, the teen sort of coming of age stuff, sex and violence are so weirdly united and tied together it's pretty bizarre yeah they are like uh you're like oh i'm so horny i need to stab you it's the the movies are pretty uh weird to watch as an adult for sure yeah the uh because they all they they all follow kind of the same template like it is always the same characters, and it's just, you know, the novelty is the killer, I guess. Moral, I'm sure people have done, like, you know, academic analysis of them.

But are they like morality plays where the, like, the most virtuous, the virgin gets away at the end or whatever so in the slumber party massacre the first one the guy does use an electric drill that's how weak i am at improv i just referenced something i just saw recently just unplugged it i just changed it to an unelectric drill electric drill uh but yeah he uh the heroine at the end with a long machete swipes at his drill and cuts his you know the majority of his drill bit off so it goes flying oh shit sort of emasculating his giant phallic drill bit and then he's like oh no i can't kill as potently as i once could i'm gonna get my hands dirty wringing your neck uh let me just go back into my workshop see what else i have in here oh yeah i got a whole pack of drill bit then he took a viagra and then his drill bit grew back again yeah yeah i mean what did we do before viagra guys i don't even like we just we ended up making

ships in bottles that's what yeah it's just like now we got viagra and i'm just like viva viagra it's true you're running all over town uh showing it off telling who got me viagra and i'm ready to go yeah i uh i don't use viagra i still get turned on dave but oh no i've been using it by flesh not me man dave takes it every day eats it with his breakfast you know what dave i don don't take Viagra. All I need is the simple whiff of hair, and I'm good to go. Is that bad? What hair? Yeah.

What hair are we talking about? Beautiful, thick, beautiful, my lady's hair. Just smelling hair is the... Oh, I see. Uh-oh. Why did I do this right before my boss was coming over oh no yeah and then i have to like put a weird like hard hat on my crotch and go yeah i'm ready to inspect the factory with you sir i work in a factory inspection company uh-huh bye-bye and you and your boss will be like uh okay well we need you to wear

the hard hat on your head great enough enough of this yeah take the hard hat off your boner idiot clang yeah it's sitting there without your hands on it we know what's going on you smelled your wife's hair didn't you the audience that's laughing is not smarter than me um okay okay so this is what um so yeah what do you normally find when you inspect a factory oh all kinds of like uh uneaten lunches especially if you go before noon. No, I'm talking like, well, okay. So usually like half a tuna sandwich wrapped back up in the saran wrap. Now, I feel like people who work in factories

are cutting back on portions these days. Oh, they're doing smaller portions, but eating a little bit over the course of the day just so that they're not hungry kind of thing yeah yeah exactly that's i think i find that are doing a lot of intermittent fasting so they you know they don't yeah they're they have their window doesn't start till like 1 p.m yeah exactly yeah have you guys ever worked in a place where there's been a communal fridge that people have left stuff in? Definitely.

Crease me out, that stuff. I worked in a media buying company for four years as a mailroom boy. And a slasher came. No, I'm just joking. He drilled the fridge. A slasher shows up everywhere I go. It's bizarre. He wears a jeans jacket. It cool jeans bald he's got a mustache he smells hair gets boners hey that's my piece of cake um is that what you're talking about graham yeah people eating

all your food in the fridge or just like leaving it in there or just seeing what kind of weird tupperware other people have or what weird food other people are eating i don't know it creeps me out if you work in an office with a communal fridge and you use it and you don't go to a restaurant every lunch hour you're weird yeah exactly you should be taking business lunches yeah You should be losing money when you go to work. Yeah. You should go to Taco Bell. I, uh, my problem is like if I ever bring a lunch to the office, it'll be leftovers. Right. It's just usually a Tupperware full of leftovers.

And my problem is like by 10 in the morning, I'm like, well, I gotta, I really want these leftovers. Like going to a restaurant, at least, you know, you're like, oh, well, the restaurant's not serving lunch yet. But if I bring in my leftovers, I'm, I'm can't stop thinking about them all morning. And then I end up eating them by 1030. Yeah. I, I like, I've never been good at packing a lunch.

I'll pack just a sandwich. I'll never, uh, pack the accoutrements you know just sandwich it's a ran rap there chris you have children who's who in your household is in charge of packing lunches for them um my mom i mean my wife kathleen does it before i even get a clue as to what time it is i come down uh yeah going like huh what and then yeah i help i help the girls get ready and take them to school but kathleen's she's so quick on making the lunches yeah are they at the age where they're like please don't don't get out of the car or park a block away so that I can look like I walked to school.

Are they that age or no? My oldest is six, but she really wants to be a teen. So she's, yeah, she's kind of already like that. And she, we had to just buy her. Yeah, she has jeans, jean jacket. She's a killer. She smells like smoke. But like, she had a jacket that had hearts all over it and she wouldn't wear it and it was

it's getting colder and colder obviously and we had to buy her a cool black jacket oh like a winter she had one with hearts on it that was a winter yeah and so we saw her uh playing outside during recess one time we were walking back from a coffee shop and she wasn't wearing a jacket and all the other kids were and it was just because it's she thought the jacket was like she doesn't wear hearts anymore she needs a cool jacket right yeah yeah i understand do you have that dave yeah do you have that with yourself graham yeah i uh i hate my heart jacket i don't know why the hell i bought it in the first place i hate it yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I go out at recess just to shirt, and I freeze my ass off. And I smoke.

It's embarrassing, eh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have a quick smoke. Yeah, you're the guy at the children's school without a jacket on smoking. Is that guy a teacher, or does he work in the lunchroom? Why is that guy there? And you're just like i feel like

kids should know all sorts of what like types of lives that are out there yeah that's true yeah dave do have they like grown out of things like mentally where they're like i don't do that at all anymore or is that uh yeah i mean they've asked that I don't talk about them on the show. Yeah, no, for sure, dude. Like, well, I mean, they've mostly, there was a bit of a Peppa Pig backlash. They didn't like Peppa Pig anymore. And then they rediscovered Peppa Pig. And I was like, see, Peppa Pig rules.

Really threw it in their face. Yeah, I bought all the Peppa Pig toys. And now they're just sitting there. Is it possible for you to sell those toys on the side? Or will your daughters notice that they're not there? Yeah, it's one of those things where they're still like, these are mine. Yeah. You know? I hate them, but they're mine.

So, yeah. Clinging to any kind of property. These are the toys I don't play with. but they're mine so yeah clinging to any kind of these are the toys i don't play with but they're yeah don't you dare move them yeah if i try to sell their pet toys they they stab my hand with a little which place and they're like what kind of a market is there for someone selling an unwrapped toy that's probably missing pieces that the bathtub took all the paint off of yeah um i wouldn't want to know who would be super psyched to pay top price for yeah that's so yeah now are you selling them for full price in this scenario you're selling you suck on the peppa Pig toys you can still get some of the bath water Dave's drinking a juice box everybody Dave packed his lunch

and he can't wait until I am drinking a juice box now it's a weird time of day normally if we recorded in the afternoon I'd have a coffee at night I'd have a beer but it's 11 in the morning juice time I'd have a coffee. At night, I'd have a beer, but it's 11 in the morning.

Juice time. Dave, juice boxes are just fucking sugar, man. Yeah, I know. They rule. Not good for you. Do your kids get juice box or is that off limits? Yeah, this is mine. This is mine only.

Dave gets his own. But how else am I supposed to get a two percent of my daily calcium honestly mankind would have died eons ago if it weren't for juice box that's right some of the earliest juice boxes were in ancient egypt they're in the hieroglyphics uh and they just are their tradition now they're a human tradition it's something we we some of the earliest forms of primitive man while foraging discovered magic mushrooms and juice boxes yeah and that changed civilization for them yeah for the better or the better uh well i guess we all got type 2 diabetes now so i don't know but we can escape by taking magic mushrooms that's true yeah that's what my doctor says well the good news is you've got type 2

diabetes and you can escape it it's all good news actually yeah yeah good news you achieve diabetes and also uh if you want to get away from it for a little while check out these mushrooms i got my doctor's always like the good news is you're not dead now if you excuse me i need to go flirt with this lady i saw outside he goes out with the stethoscope on yeah i'm a doctor yeah i'm a doctor you look sick baby yeah i think uh i prescribe a ride in my convertible hey how are you doing i am a doctor yeah i watched a documentary about mushrooms and they one of the guys said that maybe

uh like caveman or hunter gatherers took mushrooms and that's how they developed like oh what if we did this what if we did that yeah that's sort of what i was referencing half acidly i'm sorry i'm not super hot on the mic today you are you're so hot on the mic yeah no no this is you're dope on the floor and your magic on the mic yeah sick yeah it is pretty thick but yeah that's what i was referencing graham do you think that sounds plausible right well yeah i don't i don't know how they would think of those things otherwise like because our all of a sudden our brains got mad smart now who is this is this russell brand i'm talking to sure yeah hey i'm russell brand oh i don't know i can't

do impressions like james hard net can yeah james hard it's good and then what did they invent did they invent like you took mushrooms and then you invent god or or do you invent the wheel you've been invent the bong first and you're like this would be cool to first you invent the takeong first and you're like this would be cool to first you invent the take me to your dealer post i think you invent relaxing a little bit re saber tooth tigers you're like yeah whatever yeah um i uh uh i've taken mushrooms you've taken mushrooms. You've taken mushrooms, Chris, I assume. Dave, mushrooms? Yes. I mean, I like a portobello.

I like a porcini, a shiitake. How do you feel about oysters? Oyster mushrooms. I guess they're all good. I like all mushrooms. Yeah, what's... Food-wise. What is the best mushroom? I'd say chanterelles.

That's probably a top mushroom.iitake shiitake of course it's staring me right in the face um well have you seen that uh truffle hunters movie pig no it's called the truffle hunters asshole no i was calling you pig i know i called you bringing up such a crappy movie you love love it chris you'd love it yeah have you not seen it no but i have seen pig and he loses his truffle hunting pig you got to see the truffle hunters it's right up your alley it's just these old cranky italian men who go out and their wives tell them not to hunt for truffles anymore nice and uh they're like like they're selling them in back alleys to guys who you know have italian restaurants it's all in italy truffles can't be domesticated you

can't plant them and grow them they're bizarre they are really random so it is this really super treacherous uh dangerous uh occupation i never thought of that before that you you can't grow them of course why would you go in the forest and like it's crazy and then yeah people try to usurp each other and sabotage each other's businesses like it is an actual dangerous thing i didn't see that movie but i read a chapter in a book once by a about mushrooms by a man called listen to this name look it up his name's melvin shandrake or something like that or merlin listen to this name i don't know what it is though wait wait i think it's merlin sheldrake hold on a sec uh it's got a great chapter on truffle hunting and it's Merlin Sheldrake. Merlin Sheldrake. The book is called Entangled Life and it's about fungi and mushrooms and stuff.

Wow. He's 35 years old. Yeah, but he's knowledgeable. He must have taken shrooms himself to expand his mind. Oh, sure. Imagine having a kid and naming it Merlin in 1987 yeah yeah i know like king arthur i understand but merlin yeah this is my son merlin we're hoping he gets into the dark arts but

yeah this is my son merlin and this is my other son warlock yeah and this is my other son werewolf we're crazy we're a crazy couple yeah we're bad parents we want to be like the adams family but our children don't want to be like that now here's a question this is a question that i was thinking about because there's like a new adams family tim burton show or whatever shit yeah in the adams family universe when they like put dynamite under somebody's seat or like put piranhas in somebody's bathtub does that person die because they're not adams family characters? Do they do that to people? Are they prankers?

The second one I know they're creepy and they're kooky They're creepy and kooky They ate an ooky kooky Gross I did it all for the ooky kooky They did it for the nooky the Adam's family

Like in the second one wednesday goes to camp and they're like at one point they're like cooking the camp counselors over a fire oh but like they're not it's hilarious they're not burnt up or anything they're just like whoa so is it like the whole world is nuts or is it just adams family's because they'll like put pugsley in an electric chair or whatever and then turn on yeah yeah well their house is a museum where people come to see them these are the artists scream yeah is that true well the adams family started when uncle fester parted this is all canon all these things well but batmobile lost its wheel wait a minute that's from a whole different universe i think part of the gag of the adams family is normal

square world stops them before it goes too far right so they're like so like if you put piranhas in someone's bath and you're like you know um then the person gets out of the bath before the piranhas can do any real damage yeah and then the adams family is kind of like shrug it off because they could care either way but then they're like didn't you like the thrill of that at least like do they ever get arrested like because those are attempted murder those are attempted murders yes i think yeah i'm sorry but no they would love being arrested because they love being abused they were bonded yeah so they would love going to jail and getting like beaten up and shit uh yeah they would think jail is not dungeony enough they would go there and they're like how cute yeah i would like to

i would love to see a whole task force of snipers take out the adams family but they would love it that's the roasting camp counselors yeah so like they get a bullet through the head and as the blood is pooling out onto the sidewalk they're like i love this yeah they're like time for dinner or something just very i can really go for a blood sandwich yeah someone is gonna comment they're like uh guys don't you remember the movie they when they went to jail and it was absolutely like something and they cried the whole time it was a big part of the movies and we were like i don't know last week on the show we were we were trying to think of a mouse from disney we couldn't think of mickey well i pitched an adams family movie uh to disney and where uh the adams family it starts with them

showering all together for 48 minutes and then a guy in a jean jacket and jeans spies on them and like it's like who's weirder now yeah which which adams uh family member would you like to see naked for me it's got to be fester i want to know what's going on under that cloak fester or cousin it oh yeah i bet you yeah i bet you fester has no pubes and his unit looks like his face. Not enough people say unit anymore. I was trying to be polite even though I'm never polite.

That's true. You're kind of the bad boy of comedy if I recall. Hey, go fuck yourself. This is not polite. What the hell? This guy is not polite. That is advertised. The not polite stylings of shithead.

Hey, you fuckers. This gig sucks. Wow. Give me that. Holy shit, he didn't even say please. Give it to me. I want that. The not polite comedian yeah it's uh do you remember like yuck x used to have a warning on the door when you went into the did that did they have that

in toronto where it was like we do not censor the comics so if you're, you gotta get up and leave or something like that. Yeah. Like without paying your bill. If you're offended, you get free wings. Yeah. Um, is Morticia the, the, the mom? Yes. Yes. Okay. That's who I'd like to see naked in the shower.

That's fair. Conclusive. Conclusive evidence. Give me that. The rude stylings of shithead. Now, Chris, you just moved. Is that right? Yes.

I moved into a really creepy, haunted Halloween house. yes i moved into a really creepy haunted halloween house we were talking about uh kids toys giving them away or selling them did you use this as an opportunity to lose a bunch yeah and you know what i was really busy this summer and i have to give a lot of credit to my wife she went nuts preparing the house and stuff so she did a lot of like trimming back on that stuff cutting oh she didn't trim back on that hair of hers yeah exactly you like smelling it oh yeah she did no she keeps that huge for me but uh luckily i'm a lucky duck i gotta be more polite i gotta tell tell ya. She snuck some boxes to donation places and

second hand toy places and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Smart. And we still have a basement full of boxes. I don't know what's in there. Damn. My headphones, my good headphones are probably in there, but whatever. What's this, uh, what's the lay of the land there? Are you in a condo you in a house

you in a semi-detached what are we looking at yeah we moved from a condo to a semi it's really cute dudes and we have a nice big backyard with the barbecue and a patio and yeah have you thrown a barbecue yet yeah a few nice nice yeah some some friends in common were over on katie crown was in town visiting uh yeah have you guys had katie on yeah right yeah we have had yeah yeah yeah yeah she was in town staying with us and then uh james hard ned and michael balazzo from evil men came over and we had burgers and dogs and Aaron Eves and Steph calendar. Oh yeah.

It was great. Good comedian party. You guys, the three of you have gone to like a cabin together when all three like spell each other off and, uh, cook dinner. Who's the best of the three.

You talking about Mike, James and I doing the evil men retreats. We've done two now. And, uh, I don't know. We're all not amazing. But I would say that James maybe nails it.

And then Mike. And then I'm like, yeah, I bring a bag of chips or whatever. And mushrooms and weed and beer and tequila. Oh, shit. When's Chris getting here? Yeah, I'm starving. And then I arrive and they're like, oh, shit.

Yeah, James is pretty good. He gives it a shot. He does that beer can chicken. That's what we had. Yeah, we have beer can chicken. Yeah, James and I have been exchanging recipes in the DMs. I have a device. He uses a DMs. I have a device.

He uses a beer can. I have a device that you fill with beer. Really? Yeah, and it's better for balance. And all the beer cans have a liner that's not metal. Oh, if you cook it, it starts coming off. I don't know, man. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.

Yeah, now that I think of it. Also, beer cans are filthy. I know you probably wash them before, but do you wash them just under the sink with water? Well, you're also barbecuing them for an hour, so whatever is on them probably gets killed. Well, yeah, it goes into the chicken and then you eat it um i always get dizzy after eating beer can chicken and then faint for and then i come to four hours later but it's delicious um is this because you uh you do too much beer can chicken you you know i think it's because of what the cooks off the beer can and goes into the chicken. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The pollutants.

The pollutants. Yeah. Do you ever do that? Fall asleep after dinner? It's the best. Whenever it happens, it's the greatest. You know? Usually happens twice a year.

For the whole night? No, just like you ate something big and then you're like, fuck, I'm going to have a nap. And then you like, just sleep it off for like half an hour or something. I feel like that's a very satisfying nap. For me, that was lunch. During the pandemic. Pretty much during the pandemic every lunch i would eat some really un like healthy takeout like right in rotis or you know thai food or something like that and then i would pass out for two hours and then i gained 20 pounds and then i went to the doctor at the end of the pandemic and he said i had type 2 diabetes so yeah i know what you're talking about

that's what gray was talking about yeah what you ever have that what is uh like i know type 2 diabetes is not the one you're born with but i don't know what do you have to do for it like you have to hustle man you gotta grind every day get on that grind do not leave uber eats alone you gotta be hitting uber eats 24 7 you gotta be like as soon as that craving as soon as your glycemic index drops get back on that horse and get some more carbs and and sugar in you yeah yeah get some juice box and shit like that yeah dave will be fine he plays like tennis or something graham and i are uh

chris and i went for um uh we went We went for a picnic When he was here in the summer Just the two of you Out in the meadow Yeah Dave you don't think I heard you Fucking trash talking me on that episode With who was it Was it Stacy

I don't know You were trash talking me Everybody contacted me and was like yo dude dave's going in on you and you're and then i listened and you're like and chris is like i'm so stupid i don't know how to eat well we did get uh i'm trying to find it right now because we didn't get napkins we didn't get Utensils well because we went to this Place called Chancho

Which means what does it mean Chris Pig no Chris come on what does that mean You're so mean to me Then We got you order it by the Weight and it was like We recommend getting five pounds of tacos or whatever. And you get it for takeout.

They looked so confused that we wanted, because it was across the street from. We were scared of COVID still and like no one else was. Yeah. Well, because Adam Christie had caught it. Oh yeah. We were trying to be safe. And I had hung out with Adam Christie like a few nights before yeah and so we went to uh we went to this place and we ordered it we're just gonna eat it in the park across the

street and the people there look so confused they're like uh okay and they didn't give us any napkins they didn't give us any utensils to like scoop the meat into the tacos and then uh sloppy and then i looked up like i saw a a list um online of like the best places in vancouver to to have a picnic like the best restaurants to get picnic food for and this was on the list and i was like they know it's not they don't know what they don't know what we want to all vancouverites listening chancho's full of shit hey well okay all right no they're good there's really good food really good food but eat it inside eat it inside but they had uh it was funny because it was like it was a beautiful summer day but we our hands were uh filthy yeah we had sloppy hands and then our hands were chaunched

and then we were in this park that had like a little stream with uh and i was like do we wash our hands in this stream yeah but it was full of pigeons yeah that's lucky if you if you wash your hands in a stream that birds have been in that's a that's a sign of good luck yeah pigeons in the stream yeah and an old lady was laughing at us sitting on the next table over she was all she was of spooky she actually was on a rocking chair she was going yeah it was freaky man yeah that is sounds really freaky yeah you think she worked at chancho or was she just in the park she wasn't like we looked away and then looked back and she was gone so i don't know you should write that in your yelp review also we think we might have seen the ghost of a lady. Yeah.

We were haunted by the Chaunch Witch. Have you ever written a Yelp review? No, I have not. It's crazy how little I care about anything. I don't understand people who do that stuff. I will go to a, like, I'll go to Yelp after I've been to a restaurant. Especially if I didn't like the restaurant. And I'll just read all the one-star reviews.

And I'll feel gratified. Yeah. But aren't they kind of cleaning them up now? Like they're taking away some of the savage ones? Savage. Yeah. I was in new york and there was this pizza place that was so there was a huge lineup for it people recommended it to us and then i had it and i hated it and i went to their yelp page and it was all the complaints

were the same thing i was complaining about like the lineup was so long and then it wasn't even any good and like it just tastes like marinara sauce and uh but the owner of the restaurant fights with everyone who leaves a bad uh review oh he like responds to the response but he's like fuck you you fucking pussy how dare you you come on the internet and badmouth me you badmouth me to my face asshole that's cool and also like i wonder if i actually like that he does that but i also wonder if um uh waiting in line for so long you'll the the pizza will never live up to enduring that weight maybe yeah you're already gonna be like pissed off you know that's true but then isn't the whole thing like you wait in line and then

it's it's something cool like you feel like you really need to like it yeah yeah i'm getting a crow nut yeah exactly yeah i stood in line for frozen yogurt once because somebody told me it was amazing and then i then i was like i got tricked because i don line for frozen yogurt once because somebody told me it was amazing and then I was like I got tricked because I don't like frozen yogurt and when I got it I was like I don't even like this and it wasn't that it was bad it was like I was just tricked by the hype

you know what I mean no the food's not good Graham the line you go for the line I didn't recommend the food you stand in line for two hours to try this slice but it's more for what maybe bill murray will whisper in your ear and go you'll no one will believe this that's more with the lineup in new york you know i'm saying yeah i hear what you're saying. Absolutely.

I got exhausted during the middle of that, for sure. The line was... What are you eating? Banana bread. I took a bite of something. Banana bread. Chancho.

Chancho. Yeah, Chancho. Chancho chancho it's getting late um i guess we're not i can't talk to chris anymore why oh i'm not chancho you're chancho he just took another bite why can't you talk to me banana bread um made by my beautiful wife with her big red hair her big red hands my wife made yeah what's that like nick cave. My wife made banana bread with her big red hands. You know? Yeah, I know it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that in Dusk Till Dawn or something like that? It's in, maybe.

But it's also in Peaky Blinders. It's their theme song. Ah, shit. Never seen it. No, the theme song for Peaky Blinders is, Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah! Mama, a Peaky Blinder.

You overflow. Wanna be your Peaky Blinder. What? What? What song are you weird-owling right now? The theme from Entourage. Oh, see, I never watched that. I don't get it. What?

What? You never watched Entourage? You never heard Superhero by Jane's Addiction? No. I was busy. I was busy. It was on my to-do list. Yeah, I was wearing a jean jacket and jeans, smoking. I was busy.

The whole time. Smoking, looking in holes. It was the most low-stakes program that's ever existed. Because everybody's so cool already and having a great time already. Yeah, there's no high stakes. Like, will Johnny Drama make it, have a good audition and get a show? No? Oh, he still gets to hang out with a millionaire?

Fine. Yeah, will Vinny Chase make up a bunch of money doing this movie or this movie. Yeah, and then Turtle decides to... What does he make? Turtle was the most interesting character. Yeah, he made tequila at some point. Yeah, he had a tequila company and he also was representing a rapper. Named Saigon? Was the rapper's name Saigon?

He managed Saigon? This is all good recollection stuff. Did you ever watch Ballers? Ballers was the same type of formula. With The Rock? Yeah. I never watched Ballers. I can't watch shows where the dudes are already so satisfied with themselves right like they there's no journey for them to go on i also don't share that american dream of just like being like check out everything i got like i don't care about that you know what i mean i do that's all i think about great i know you guys are materialistic and

shallow and superficial well great i can want a rocket car yeah yeah i am but dave stays more down to earth i was like yeah i'm drinks a juice box i drink a juice box so it centers me and then i then i go sort of within myself yeah yeah but first you whip yourself like with a cat of nine tails on the butt that's right it centers me that is correct to self-flagellate myself i think it probably does yeah probably gives you gives you some focus gives you some time to think about why you're doing this yeah why anytime have a dirty thought, which I've had a few in this episode.

I hit myself in the face with a stick. Is it Uncle Fester in the shower that you kind of did it for you? Yeah. Don't worry, Chris is hitting himself with his horny stick even the word horny stick makes me hit myself in the face

you look like you fell out of a horny tree and hit every branch on the way down that guy looks like he fell out of the horny tree and hit every branch look he's wearing a construction hat on his wiener we all know what's going on there why the hell is your face barely discernible as a face why is it so mashed up i'm horny all the time i'm going horny um everybody that's created grunge got horny and then od'd not any better and it was tough because the the pants were kind of baggy and so they they really showed off what was happening you know what i mean like it's a testament to how not horny eddie vetter ever got sure do you think eddie vetter didn't get horny his whole thing is horny i don't know his whole thing his whole aesthetic his flow yeah yeah even

flow do you think that's about yeah i think yeah even flowing through him and also their name means come so that's another that's stupid vote for me i hate that that's the stupidest thing ever vote for chris for city council he hates that pearl jam means come order order i don't like the name pearl jam and i don't like that it means come it's the dumbest thing ever those guys are stupid it's like the drummer now i believe it was in Soundgarden. Was? Oh. Then who has the drummer from an early incarnation of

the Red Hot Chili Peppers? I don't know. I think it's him. I think it is... It's not Matt Cameron from Soundgarden? Oh, Dave's got a name. That sounds more official. I'm going on Dave's side with this.

Hey everybody, we're cum oops I mean pearl jam two three four there was a I don't want to talk about it what what listeners fast forward

there's a guy on reddit a few months ago i'm going i think his wife was the one who made the post that she discovered that he had a jar of pearl jam what yeah oh jack irons did drum with them for a bit and he doesn't anymore you're right it's matt cameron now jack irons has a good porno name i know this is the horniest podcast i've ever been on and i've been on podcasts that are about sex yeah that's true we're uh we i don't know we went raw in the last couple years yeah i'm yeah since i started coming on i I believe. Yeah. Yeah. It's something about, I don't know. You like exude sex, you know,

that's just the way you are. I don't fucking know. It's annoying to so many people, but not to you. You love it, right? You're fine with it. I love exuding sex.

Drinks from a fruit punch juice box. I love exuding sex. Um, uh. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Well, we're in Vancouver. It is too hot. I don't know what it's like where you are, Chris, but we have not gotten fall yet here in Vancouver, and we haven't had rain in three months,

and it's supposedly coming in two days. Yeah. No rain. The Blind Melon song. Was Blind Melon a sexy thing? Was that like a thing? The lead singer did pee on the crowd here in vancouver once ah that's when we really needed the rain that's how he knew to contribute it's very folly here

and fallen ontario is absolutely stunning yeah you guys got all the colors get all the nice say what you will about ontario and especially toronto other parts of of Canada hate it over here. But when you think of quintessential Canadian wilderness, we got it in spades. It's good outside of Toronto. It's beautiful. Mike Belazzo and I just did a show in Guelph, Ontario last night. And the drive, reds, pinks, oranges, yellows, really beautiful. How was the show?

Beautiful foliage. Really fun. it was at a place called fixed gear brewery and it was absolutely a blast and i want to say guys that fans of evil men are coming out to shows all the time now we have a big fan base for our podcast and my crave special is out i know we're supposed to be talking about dave but chancho but the thing is is uh people are contacting me and they want to see the special and they half of them at least maybe say uh you know if they don't subscribe to crave where they where can they see it and stuff but they're big fans and listeners of evil men and a lot of them discovered evil men through you guys

stop podcasting yourself and from having us on and talking about the podcast and so yeah there you go it's the spy bump we're stealing your fan base i don't think they go back to stop podcasting yourself after they hear evil men but they come from you guys we get it um what uh where can people see your special lonely bones or whatever lonely bones is a good name for a special gram do you know what he's doing nope do you know it's dem bones i knew it we're a very grunge heavy uh try alwaysate. We always have been. You were talking about sex and violence before and I was so tempted to sing

Bush X's there's no sex in your violence. Yeah. Well what about you mentioned Jane's Addiction earlier with Entourage

and they've got Ted Just Admit It that song where Perry Farrell goes sex is violent. You know what I'm talking about?

Oh that's so good. And then the guitarist Dave Navarro Goes I mean probably The sexiest People In the

Yeah The sexiest people Listen to Jane's Addiction And do this podcast Yeah It's true Dave Navarro's been on Several times

When he was doing Inked Your special's on On Crave In Canada Yeah it's on Crave TV In Canada It's called Chris Locke Captain Bones. So funny, dude.

And then you're on the CW in the States. Is that right? Yeah. You're on it right after Moesha. In the States, I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I'm nothing in Canada. Nobody gives a shit. That's not true true some people seek it

out though and they enjoy it and it's really nice so what i've been doing is i got a promotional link special and so you know for some friends and whatever in the uk and the us and other places australia whatever if they seek me out in the DMs, we'll shoot them a link sometimes and they can watch the special there. Oh, you're just going to get overloaded with links from our listeners. Listener links. And it should happen

and it's been really nice and that's what I'm saying. A lot of these people, when they seek it out and they talk to me, they mention evil men, but they also mention you guys quite a lot. So thank you very much for the promo

and having us on all the time it's nice our pleasure um dave can you be sincere are you gonna fuck with me right now i was just gonna move on to my thing yeah dave move on to your thing god damn it dave i also like that uh that's allison chains you're doing right now i also like that that's Alice in Chains you're doing right now I also like that Alice in Chains song that's like yeah I don't know that one

I don't know if we can get that on board I saw them live in 93 at Lollapalooza in 93 and they played yeah they come to snuff the rooster whatever it is kill the rooster whatever yeah whatever and i was like i was like yeah i was there 15 years old and i was like whatever well you you were popular in high school right sorry dave did you want to talk about

yourself ow um you asked him if he was popular in high school great yeah i feel like you were i feel like you were popular in high school why because i won't shut up now this guy won't shut up he never got wedgied enough that's right i was so popular dude I fucking didn't have to walk to class everyone carried me all the older girls

all the taller older girls carried me it ruined me I'm spoiled now did they have did they carry you just like your body or did they give you a chair to sit in they carried me in a sack I was so popular I was dragged around the school in a sack by giantess amazonian red-headed women red-handed women man that fucking sounds awesome it was

fucking awesome it's exactly what i wanted god anyway so the weather here is nice but bad uh okay so we got total autumn weather that's what got me distracted last time but uh the other thing who cares about that the other thing that's going on is yesterday i was in the uh liquor store getting some beer to put up a chicken and uh as i was in the store they were playing I always feel like somebody's watching me oh yeah actually I sounded really good there that was really good and that is my MJ that sings that

on the Rockwell song but they and then after that song ended there was like a lineup of three people paying for stuff they played this song that's on the radio now that goes oh I'm sweet but I'm psycho a little bit psycho and then after the three people checked out the woman behind the camera went over to her a playlist and hit next and the monster

mash started so I think they're just like there's probably she was probably listening to some like spotify playlist of spooky songs yeah they just picked ones with like scary names oh sweet but psycho that's pretty scary oh yeah because it'll have like rihanna's disturbia or something like that frankenstein by Edgar Winterbrand there's a part of me that doesn't want Halloween music to leave it's like 60s 50s novelty route

I don't like modern songs trying to be scary speaking of Adam's family my daughters have been blasting this Migos version of an Adam's family song who's Migos me goes the me goes the rappers yeah yeah and take off i think also mc hammer did a cover of it i feel like

yeah didn't and that let's let's just keep it absolutely version absolutely did yeah isn't there like a fallout boy song from the last few years there's a fallout boy song from the last few years that has um the Munsters theme in it oh yeah that was about Michelle Pfeiffer

most songs were about Michelle Pfeiffer for about six months. I feel like it was. Are you thinking of Munster's Paradise by Kool-Aid? Let's weird out the weird out. Sing it. I don't know enough about the Munsters. Let's be honest. Since the three of us here are such hardcore adams family freaks nuts don't you guys think the monsters are shit

i liked them a lot when i was a kid i thought that the frankenstein guy was i thought he was cool we never got really good he was really good we got the adams family reruns but we never got the monsters here so have you seen the new yorker based cartoons that are the new yorker cartoons that the adams family was created from like the original yes how droll they're so droll the droll but i like that tim burton's adams family resemble them more you know it has that vibe i really like it um i have a calendar of it and it's every month it's some other wacky thing they're getting up to i've always wanted to find a collection of it that's really that's probably the best you can do yeah you can't find a collection of them because i don't think there's a lot you know do you like it though graham can you tell us one i love it one of them is uh you know he like um

what is pugsley is trying on like a normal outfit and morticia saying to gomez well he didn't get that from my side of the family which i was like that's pretty good that's good yeah yeah quality adams content yeah god i love morticia i know body like a you know yeah am i right body like a corpse yeah buddy like michelle pfeiffer yeah body like a hot corpse i saw michelle pfeiffer on when i went to see live with kelly and ryan on oh yeah in new york What was she promoting? I don't know. She was, oh, the sequel to... Grease? No. Everyone, I made this movie

30, 40 years ago. Maybe check it out. It doesn't have John Travolta. No, it was the sequel to Maleficent. Oh, yeah. She was in it? Yeah, and she's very boring like she was so boring in the interview and then they did some kind of like they asked her about hey there's like a bunch of pop

songs that mention you now and she's like yeah i heard that's weird i haven't heard the songs but uh you know i think it's gross i think it's gross that all these young guys are doing that but she was like and then they did some kind of weird like web like internet uh piece video piece about coffee and she just it came to life she was like oh no this is how i make coffee and she was like got mad at kelly for not knowing what espresso was and then it was like it was very endearing and none of it will be on tv it was no one's ever this was just in between this was it was like a thing it was like a segment to put on their website that no one will ever watch oh shit um michelle pfeiffer is excited about coffee i like that i like knowing that little tidbit about her yeah because it makes her like

i always think of her she's not like a human in my mind she's like uh she's like from another planet or whatever so the fact that she likes coffee yeah someone has a crush well i grew up watching scarface every day after school you'd watch the scarface show. Yeah. Yeah. Some kids would watch the Flintstones or Braveheart. I would watch Scarface. Have you seen the preview for the new Munsters movie that Rob Zombie

Oh, it looks so bad. I think it looks good. Oh, sorry. I don't mean to I don't mean to yuck your yum. Rob's a friend. I think that like

Rob Zombie is way like does he fund his own movies or he's a friend. I think that, like, Rob Zombie is way, like, does he fund his own movies? Or he's really lucky, eh? Yeah, he was able to make. He does not have a hit. Or unless his fan base. He, like, his fan base likes his crazy, like, House of a Thousand Corpses. Yeah.

Yeah. And the Munsters. And the Munsters reboot. has he done a dragula movie is that gonna be on this person's halloween playlist dragula absolutely are you kidding me for sure it is yeah i'd say that that's closer to what is actually a spooky song oh yeah sounding negative about his movies i will say dragula is awesome and there's some white zombie songs that are awesome yeah yeah he but he's like he liked tim hurt tim burton they both tim hurt and he just heard tim's hurting for uh some spooky content um but like you know what i mean they just like cornered the market on like silly spooky halloween all year long kind of film well rob zombie's not silly he's not i don't think so

like he really watched this movie he looks it looks pretty silly yeah he's trying to be funny for real because the other like his other horror movies are like extremely depraved so i thought he was just gonna put that spin on the monsters or something no it looks like a very stupid kids movie okay let me see it looks like it was maybe you know when you when your parents get a new tv and they haven't set up the setting to make it look good yet and everything looks like a mexican soap opera yeah it looks so bad and it's oh god okay i'm looking at it um right right ew okay but you know what this maybe being silly like this it'll work better for him i don't know i don't know i look i'm i wish nothing for nothing but the best for rob and all the zombie family I wish nothing but the best for Rob and all the zombie family.

But do you think there's times that he's like, I wish I wasn't so Halloween, like when he just goes swimming at the pool or something? I want to do a crossover hit. I want to direct the next Kirk Cameron Christian movie. I promise I won't make it scary. I want to cross over to an even more niche market of psychos but do you think when he does something normal but psycho they mean well they're just scared shitless

for other reasons yeah both his markets are both scared for different reasons ones of the apocalypse and ones one spooky and one spooked yes um so dave you heard a spooky plan yes that's all that's all i thought it would be fun to talk about and it was okay it was um i uh i haven't been doing a lot of live performance for the last little while, but I hosted this past week, a thing that like, it's a old timey country music show called the East van Opry, which was at the, at the Rio theater. And it was tons of fun.

It was so much fun. And so like, it was just, it's the only time that you'd be able to hear that music, I guess. Like, I don't only time that you'd be able to hear that music, I guess. Like, I don't know where else you would find it. But everybody was dressed up like old country clothes. And.

What did you wear? I wore, I have a, like, a, like, cool country. It's got, like, a big embroidery of a skeleton on the back. It's got some roses on the front. It's, uh uh it's pretty cool if you ask me it sounds cool it sounds like rob zombie designed it yeah it's country rob zombie yeah like can he ever do a country hit rob zombie can he like team up with toby keith or whatever i don't know what he does musically these days, but he could definitely make the next country movie.

Yeah. Like a broke back mountain or like, you know, what's the, what's the one that Luke Perry was in eight seconds or something like that. Yeah. Um, I guess there are Western movies. There's a whole genre,

not just these two weird. Nick Cave wrote, Nick Cave wrote and directed a what? or is this going to be a real thing? or did he really yes it's good too it's dark and it's called The Proposition

The Proposition yeah Guy Pearce stars in it oh cool he didn't direct it he wrote it though Nick Cave wrote um so it's a spooky a spooky man can make a western that's all i'm saying but can a western guy make a spooky film is the question can a western make a spooky man oh that's true these are all the questions and we're out of questions so let's shut her down man make a western omelet do you know that nick cave he's just like a trust

fund kid his dad invented caves that really knew it i knew it he's he's caves of the cave caves yep like oh yeah wow he's got that big cave money yeah yeah yeah cave energy um so tell me more about this opry oh yes so at one point like i like i had information about everybody and i i kind of like said something in their intro and there was one guy who he kept referring to his album but he never said what the title of the album was so when i went up i was like tell us what the title of the album is. And he said whatever it was. And then he said, you can actually, he kind of made fun of the fact that he has it on CD for sale where all the merch stuff was. And he's like, yeah, just buy it if you have a CD player. And I said, yeah, and if you don't, buy it and then just hang them in your garden to dissuade pros or whatever.

Have you ever seen that? Like people hanging CDs? Yeah. then that got a good laugh but then there was another guy on the show that came out and he was like he was offended by it and he was talking about how much he spent to produce his album and i was like oh shit like i was just making a dumb joke but yeah this guy really took it to heart that i was like yeah hang them in your car he would have been way offended when i said uh cds cds nuts yeah you you know he was absolutely he probably would have liked that more actually just i think deep down it wasn't personal he was just more offended of being reminded that no one's buying his cds yeah or it's just like the yeah the state of the world that kind of thing. Yeah.

But you probably caught him on a bad day. I put a lot of money into making CDs. All right. Go for it, man. But also you can like, what do you care? If you buy them,

I can do whatever I want. Exactly. That's what I was saying. Like just buy it was my, it was my part of the deal um yeah then i felt bad and i was like oh did i just totally make fun of the whole industry what you know no you were like no you know what you're a truth teller and that's what you were holding the mirror up and also a cd is kind of like a mirror yeah and that's what i that's the whole thing is the crows away you were holding a mirror up to

the crow's face the thing is is like cds were obsolete over 20 years ago yeah i mean so that guy's just offended that he's stupid all right all right all right in the in that one business sense he's probably way smarter than me in many many ways this is gonna get beaten up by the people at chancho he's gonna get beaten up by the cd man yeah the cd country cd man do you think you would bring it on do you have you been in a fight chris a real fight not since i was like a kid but like have you ever been in a beef like uh west coast east coast like that kind of thing yeah yeah me versus tupac oh shit you were against tupac too yeah a lot of people don't mention that yeah the. The ten hundred documentaries

they make about him. Yeah, but I was in there a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. I made a joke about CDs. And he was pissed. Well, no. Graham made the joke. Yeah, that's true. No, I did years ago. Anyway, Mr. Buck was still alive.

Whatever. But what would you sell like i guess you would tell t-shirts right you guys tell me if i've been in a beef i don't know have you heard anyone talking shit yeah dave was talking shit about me yeah i guess i have a beef with dave i guess i guess we're in a beef yeah you guys lay down some diss tracks i think that's the best way to solve a beef yeah where does that inflame the beef? Dave is so wry. I don't like that guy.

Dave, it's up to you. It's your chance now. Okay. Chris is so kooky, mysterious, and ooky. He's altogether spooky. The Addams Family. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

I'm going to have to give this round to Dave. Yeah, that was really good. It's almost like he stole something. Yeah, my ghostwriter MC Hammer wrote it. Do what he wanted. Do say what he wanted. Dave drinks from kids' juice boxes. But you know who doesn't? Chris Locke.

Yeah. Juice boxes and two boxes. Nice. Shut up, Graham. That's not nice. I got to be with both of you i hate this shit this is the east coast west coast beef right here i feel like the mc hammer song was like they do whatever they want to the adams family i feel like it was we do what we wanted to say what we wanted

that's it nice holy crap uh yeah he's my favorite rapper mcm yeah those are the good old days boys i'm telling you yeah remember when he went gangster and he wore like a toque and and uh he had like a grill i think and he had pumps in the butt now hold up hold up hold up hold up hold up hold up in a bump yeah that's right yeah watch yourself now have you guys not done the deep dive online about learning about how genuinely gangster and badass hammer really is he is deadly serious i'm deadly serious i thought he was like a oakland a's bat boy or something like that i'm telling you watch what you say there's like all these like documentations of different rappers talking about how hard hammer and his crew really.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, like, no Dave, when they made a real, are you going to make a joke?

Cause I'm telling you guys that he's so fucking tough that they had to name his album. Please hammer. Don't hurt him. Yes. Yeah. And also he was warning people don't touch this because if you do i'm gonna give you a whole wallop you know and like

they tried to get him to quit i'm joking they tried to get him to quit but he was too absolutely too legitimate to quit too quittabit yeah so dave and graham are pretty much dead now so whoever's still listening to this episode google red man talking about hammer google any there was another guy who had a beef with him oh mc search from third base google him talking about hammer it's crazy hammer had a has has a hardcore crew from the streets hammers fully from the streets and he's one of the most feared rappers that's ever been out there stop laughing dave i'm not joking oh my god it's like it's you're selling a horror movie the album that pumps and a bump was on is called the funky headhunter yeah there's a difference between hammer being an entertainer making money and hammer it from the streets with and who he rolls with that's all i'm gonna say

okay but like but chris we genuinely don't care don't fucking get you man um would you do him on evil men yeah or no you're too scared after the documentation i've seen with my own eyes Would you do him on Evil Men? Yeah. No. You're too scared. After the documentation I've seen with mine own eyes of how badass Hammer is, no. Who on Evil Men? Because on Evil Men, James and Mike and I just take the piss and laugh our asses off. But we can't do that with this one. Well, we can. Graham and I have no problem doing it.

We're part of his crew. We're part of his latter day crew. Who have people on your show, like when you come up with an evil man to base your episode about, who's been rejected? Like, are there people that you suggest and they're like,

oh, no, too scary. Too scary or, yeah, not scary enough. No. No, you'll take on any cameras. James said, I think it's time to do MC Hammer. Yeah. What would you say? This is the one where I might have to say something.

After all the videos I saw of first-person accounts of having their life threatened by Hammer and his crew. Please, Hammer, don't hurt him. Wasn't there a guy in his crew that wore a crazy hat or something like that? Like chef hat or something it's like a silver chef hat i want to say am i making that up was one yeah and he will kill you are you thinking of the keibler elves yeah yeah yeah weren't they the same crew it was mc hammer and the keibler elves uh give it up for my crew the keebler elves give it up for wendell wait you're thinking of just some cookies in a box have you guys done uh the tricks rabbit on evil minion no but that's a good one you were gonna say like the tricks rabbit was like some kind of drug thing which have you guys tried yeah have you ever yeah honestly come on and do the tricks rabbit graham who did you do again pierce morgan yeah that was a good one that was fun that was the pandemic days

i would come on but i wouldn't i would i'd have to do some research yeah on the tricks rabbit no i think someone wore i don't like it when you do a fake person you don't no don't say you don't like anything about i mean i mean i like it i guess i like it too much and i have to you know cool myself down yeah rockets around the sun it comes back yeah so you don't like it when we did like uh the kraken no it was gargamel yeah gargamel one is so funny and that's the second one i like the hulk hogan one the hulk hogan one was great well that's a real guy no he's terry terry balia in real life yeah he doesn't even have you takes that mustache off and hangs it on a little hook in his dressing room everything about him is fake he's not tanned like that he paints himself like that before every match he takes a roller it's really funny yeah yeah he was probably the greasiest wrestler or maybe

macho that's a tough competition that is a tough competition i did not know about all that um union busting stuff but i'm talking about greasy in terms of like oiled up yeah yeah it was always weird like you would always be on saturday afternoons watching it you'd always know that the what do they call the guy who was just like there to lose a jobber a jobber yeah yeah like yeah macho man savage comes out against like jeff jeff from texas jeff with blue pants yeah it's a guy who's like got a mullet and is not oiled up and okay your job is to lose today yeah and he's gonna ruin your tights with all that oil so you're gonna have to buy new tights after this you're gonna end up losing money on this yeah do you think that the jobbers are like pretty hot shit in their own regional

wrestling association gotta be the best of yeah they gotta be the big fish in the little ponds right so that's why they call them up to the big show and be like you're gonna still have that bragging rights to this day if they're still alive right um yeah, that's true. Like I touched Hulk Hogan's deliciously hot doggy body. Yeah. Hulk Hogan did. I didn't ever like how they had to do a body slam. They had to kind of pick them up by the taint. Yeah.

I got decimated in two seconds by Brutus, the barber beefcake. Remember that? I do remember. You cut your hair off. my hair still hasn't grown back come and see bald Jeff I remember like

Brent Butt was talking about Brutus the barber beefcake he was like was Bruce beefcake not enough of a nickname for this guy that he had to also have the barber in the middle of it yeah or like it could be bruce barber but it's so much it's a hat on a hat if you ask me um i think it's great because some everybody's had a regular barber but if you had a beefcake barber yeah that would be pretty cool i guess that's what i'm saying

no you're right you're right when you're right. When you're right, you're right. Damn, this guy cutting my hair is a beefcake. Guys, I have an update on MC Hammer. Yeah. Oh, my God. Watch it. According to this headline, MC Hammer says he is actually afraid of hammers. Is this news of the world? Using hammers is always a scary proposition man

he told huffington post you can hit your fingers this is this is an onion thing or this is this is from the new york daily news we asked hammer how he feels about hammers stay tuned we're gonna ask uh ice cube how he feels about ice cubes oh it was when he was doing uh commercials for uh 3m hanging strips right we asked flavor flave what he thinks about flavors he's scared of them yeah he's too scared of them that's right um yeah do you guys want to move on to some overheards? Okay. I'm Jesse Thorne. On the next Bullseye, our annual Halloween spectacular. We'll interview Anna Fabrega from Los Espookys,

Monet X Change from Drag Race, and the great R.L. Stine, creator of Goosebumps. You know, I don't really get too deep into the real fears. It's a lot safer to do a dummy coming to life. That's on the next Bullseye for MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have a special announcement. I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother, and me. You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a fresh insult, a depraved jumble of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little actionable advice. But now, as they enter their

twilight years, I'm as surprised as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good. Justin, Travis, and Griffin's witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy magazine. And they hardly ever say bazinga anymore. So, after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows, why not join the McElroy Brothers every week for My Brother, My Brother and Me. Overheard. Here we go. Overheard is a segment

out there, in there, around there that gives you the opportunity to share something crazy or awesome that you heard or saw and uh we always like to start with the guest chris do you have an overheard so i bring this up every time i really am like probably the only guest that really lets you down on this segment no no john door does as well who john door yeah okay good i'm in good company well i listen to i put my headphones in as soon as i leave the house and i listen to music all the time and if i'm not listening to music i'm still using my headphones to talk to agents and stuff

wheeling and dealing to try and get this career off the ground yeah so i don't pay attention to a lot of people i mean sometimes i hear in the neighborhood i live in sometimes i hear moms saying like yeah this teacher's great there that's the best i can do i've heard moms say this teacher's great i my my daughter loves them that's pretty good that's a pretty that's pretty it's not hilarious and boy oing e but make some sound effects then because you're good at sound effects yeah yeah those are good do you have do you have like a horn honking something like that there you go that's the this is good This is good overheard content. Any more? Go-to sound effects? You give me one. I can do anything.

Yo eating yogurt. Yeah, man eating yogurt. That's pretty good. What about a guy just finishing up mowing his lawn. That's pretty good. Do you have a lawn at the new place? Yes. Do you have to mow it? Do you? Yeah, man.

Yeah, I got to mow it, but I'm not doing it yet because it's almost winter. Well, I hope I did my last one yesterday. The people that we bought the house from, it's hard to grow good lawns in this neighborhood, apparently because the raccoons and skunks rip it up looking for grubs and stuff. Oh shit. So I got to start taking care of it.

So I don't think I'm going to do that before this winter, but I will do that in the spring. I think you should just leave out a plate, a plate of grubs like you do for Santa. Yeah. Or put some fake ones. Yeah, but yeah, exactly. And then they'll get frustrated.

They'll be like, oh, another fake grub. Well, I don't know if you guys have seen raccoons in Toronto, but... Okay, here comes this brash Toronto-centric stuff we're used to. Like, we have the best raccoons here. You wouldn't want to mess with our raccoons. Do you guys think you have the best raccoons here. You wouldn't want to mess with our raccoons. Do you guys think you have the best raccoons in Vancouver? Fuck yeah, man! Yeah, they're great.

They're super lean and they're always working out and they take care of their body. And we notice. They're like, I wonder if I can ask my own D and they do it. Right in front of you. They don't care.

Yeah. Yeah. But do your raccoons have the Raptors? Oh, shit. Fuck. He just, he just owned us. Yeah. Do they have big business?

Do they have hustle and bustle? Yeah. Hustle and bustle.onto has a lot of hustle and bustle it does that's all it is that's all it is yeah like if you can't handle it it'll that whole city will chew you up and spit you up i'm from toronto born and raised if you can't handle my hustle you don't deserve my bustle yeah i'm from toronto nothing scares me except mc hammer mc hammer occasionally comes through town i mean when he dies i won't be afraid no you don't think he's fucking hooked up with the adams family you think hammer's ghost is actually more scarier than anything i could ever imagine because then he's not confined to any one city he can just

zap around everywhere well hammer is you know when you when you shoot a glock you say you you know clock the hammer yeah i mean it's true that's where he gets his fucking name from anyways look it up i will look it up and i'll write you a book report and i'll send it to you i'll look it up the library hammer is from oakland and drake is from toronto ah shit another own god damn it who are you more no no it's that's a cell phone in my opinion yeah well vancouver's got michael buble so what do you how do you like that that's sick yeah that's a cell phone and and you know what this is a cell phone too thank you self-owned nice nice oh yeah tupac's juice box and my cell phone cell phone dave's this is knocking him out of the park just dingers the whole day

you know who hits dingers from Oakland? Jose Canseco. Ah, shit. Don't get on his bad side. He's huge. Dave is good at rapping, but you know what else is born and raised in Toronto? Apathy. I couldn't give a fuck.

Nice. He means it. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, this is a weird one uh i guess it's not a weird one this was but this was two naked men i was so i i was playing hot i played hockey i play hockey every week they should be wearing pads not out there naked what no it's nude hockey we play nude hockey most of the time we just end up humping the ice these guys never score a goal they're all just fucking ice in the net i've heard of left wing but left wang thank you

oh boy i've heard of puck but fuck these guys are naked what else have you heard of yeah uh i've heard of hockey sticks about a bunch of hockey dicks there you go really. Nice. So the guy who runs the weekly game has been out of town. And so he usually sets up the teams and then he'll print out the list of who's on what team and you go to that dressing room. But he's been out of town for a month. And so you get an email and you find out what team you're on but you just end up going to whatever dressing room um and so you're there's no coach like pumping you up and saying like this this game means everything and no there's nothing like that but i feel the

game does mean everything yeah absolutely otherwise why would you be out there? I guess I don't need to be pumped up. So I, but I was in the shower with two other men. Played great out there, guys. No, there were two guys and they thought they were on different teams. And these two guys, one of them said, uh, you played great defense out there. I had such a hard time trying to get around you. And the other guy was like, I was on your team. You're thinking of someone else.

Yeah. Uh, we're on each other's teams like Lord. Um, the, uh, we're on each other's team. That's what it was.

Yeah. I'm kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air. So there. Graham and I are big Lord fans. Yeah. We're big Lord heads. All hail the Lord. All hail the Lord with an E.

Yeah. There's no other Lord before Lord. So who won? Did it matter? I guess guess they won both of them won cool and there's no trophy or anything that you get to take home or anything right we did at the end of the year last year we had a little mini tournament and there was a trophy nice this is all this is like good hockey you're doing it all like you're doing defense you do we do defense we do trophy uh i've heard of the detroit red wings never the

detroit red swings there we go i was taking a dance at it spread your swing um i've heard of the hartford whalers, not the Humping Nailers. Yes, this is good. Humpford. Humpford Nailers. Is that why they lost their team? Because it was too close? And people were always making fun of it?

Yeah, I think so. Because they ran out of money. Okay, I'm sure you haven't ever heard, but I want to think of a fun hockey sex pun, too. Okay. Vancouver Canucks. The K'fucks. I've heard of the Vancouver Canucks.

What did you say, Graham? The K'fucks. Yeah, I know, but I was going to do that. Ah, shit. I'm sorry. But, like, you know I have to do the lead up with I've heard of the... Okay, yes. Yeah.

Go for it. Give me the... Okay, yes. Yeah. Go for it. Give me the, okay, suggest the Mighty Ducks. The Mighty Ducks. I've heard of the Mighty Ducks, but the Detroit Dick. Red Dicks. The Detroit Red Dicks. Yeah, I like that. Okay, go ahead. It's so red.

Because he's been humping the ice. What do you think? Well, yeah, he's got a, it's also, he's a dog and it's just because lipsticks. Yeah.

He's got a lipstick. Um, mine. Uh, well, can I do one from TV or do you want one that's that I've, uh, found on my phone?

I don't care. Okay. This one on my phone. I wrote a note and i looked at it the other day and i have no idea what the fuck it means but this is a note on my phone uh do you think there's anyone who had quote at on there was smiles very time they give me the tv one what the fuck did that mean what was i what the hell was i trying to get across repeat it repeat it here we go do you think there is anyone who had quote at on there was smiles very time they see it then the letter p was this is this something that might turn into a joke one day? Do you make notes on your phone? I do, but this one I can't get my head around

what the fuck I was trying to write. Can you say it again? Say it again. One more time. Here we go. Do you think there is anyone who had, quote, at on there was smiles very time they see it, letter P? Say it again. Say it again. No way.

No, please, please, please please one more time okay do you think there is anyone who had quote at on there was smiles very time they see it letter p you guys figure it out is it is this a oh boy like. So when, what time of the day was that? It was 1234 PM. It was just, you know, just around lunchtime. I was probably a little hungry. Cause I ate my lunch at nine in the morning. As soon as I got to work. Yeah, I don't know.

I can't make the ad symbol in quotes no and neither is quote quote is written out so it's quote and did you do did you use voice to text no this is and then fall down the stairs voice to text somebody socked me in the face um Yeah, anyways, listeners out there, if you've heard it three times, let us know if you think you know, because I'm desperate to know what the hell I was thinking. I've heard of voice to text, but I've never heard of moist to sex. You haven't heard of moist to sex. You haven't?

I haven't. Wow. Until right now. Oh sorry sorry you had such a bad time i think that what you were trying to write was do you think that people at quote smile every time that they see it yes yeah exactly that's good right is that can i turn that into a bit do you guys think i think it's a good premise yeah it's just i don't know i want to see where you're going with it i like to write on stage i'll go up and yeah me too me too no i discover things in the moment for sure call crave give graham a special yeah craig who's craig crave oh fuck yeah I was live

well sometimes I call Greg Crave yeah poor Greg call Craig give Graham a special hey Craig it's me Chris do you think you could give Graham a special you guys ever notice that sometimes when you at quote smile when it happens

hey Craig you know that new sand you're looking for well listen to this well do you guys know that quote at do you ever smile smile when it happens that is one where i could not like i don't even remember what you said i don't think it is the beginning of a bit i don't think it's the end of a bit i think it is the bit it might be it's just the bit itself well i'm gonna do it on stage and see what people yeah can you read it one more time no way jose please no no why because i'm gonna move on to other people's overheards okay Okay. All right. Fair, fair. People send them to us from all over the world. If you want to send one to us, it's spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one is three bumper stickers, all in different cars, that Will H. saw here in Vancouver.

The first one says, Team Horny. He photos all of this. So this is confirmed. Team Horny. This is perfect for this episode. Yeah, it's a very horny episode. That one's perfect for this episode. is confirmed team horny it's like this episode yeah it's a very perfect for this episode yeah team horny uh one of them said it's on a toyota and it says this toyota fucks which is uh pretty good episode fucks in my opinion it does absolutely this is zamboni fuck i've heard of zambonis oh no that just works but never zamboners uh yeah yeah i've heard

of zambonis but sam's boner yeah sam's boner i've heard of zambonis but i've never heard of zambonis how do you like the zambones over there uh the last license plate is milf and underneath it says man i love frogs yeah i've seen that that's good right that's healthy fun clean stuff that everybody can enjoy man that sounds like a very vancouver all right here comes the more of your civic pride bumper sticker what do you think would be a toronto would never have a bumper sticker like that. What would Toronto have a bumper sticker of? MILF.

Man, I love finance. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true. Because of Bay Street. Totally. Yeah. We got no frogs making money here, baby. This next one comes from Ben from Picnic Point, Australia. Nice.

Hi, Ben. Yeah. Hey, Ben. Picnic Point. Picnic Point, Australia. Nice. Hi, Ben. Yeah. Hey, Ben. Picnic Point. Is that near Picnic Rock? Yeah. Was there a picnic at something rock? Oh, Picnic at Hanging Rock. Yeah. Is that where you are, Ben?

Yeah. I totally changed where you're from. Hey, Ben, do you pronounce it bin? Bin from Picnic Point. I was just walking behind a family with two kids, a son aged about 10, and a daughter who's probably around 8. The daughter said while holding the dad's hand, Dad, when you were little, did you have one of those bikes with one little wheel and one really big wheel? Oh, yeah. A penny farthing.

That's a pretty funny thing for a kid to ask an adult uh were you around in the old west or slightly thereafter oh what did my kids ask me they asked me about like graham what happened to you you just started smoking a cigar yeah i was smoking a cigar sorry about that you guys we were watching some show from like 2010 like whatever uh victorious or something sure i don't know and my kids were like dad did you watch this when you were a kid no i'm not five years older than you let me show you something i did watch when i was a kid and i'd show them an episode of the monsters and they'll be like oh fuck dad stop showing us this your kids probably don't swear my kids swear a lot do they my kids swear a lot they were jean jackets they got little

switchblades your kids are so mc hammer like in their toughness level that's right don't roll up on my kids my kids know all the swear words but we we uh they know not to use them unless you you know. Unless they're really surprised by something. Yeah. Or if they go and say, like, this is the shit and stuff like that. Yeah. That's a hilarious anecdote about how good your kids are.

Yeah. Kids are great. I guess I didn't come here to make friends. This last one comes from Alex A from Victoria BC I went outside to call my kids in for supper my six year old daughter ran up to me and said daddy there was

a teenager and she wouldn't stop swearing I said well next time come and get me and I can tell her that's not appropriate and her she said no I loved her that's not appropriate and her she said no i loved her that's awesome mom and dad you've been on the wrong side of this this is yeah this girl is so cool why do you tell me not to swear it's awesome yeah it's the best uh yeah oh relaxing it is yeah also come get me come get me i want to get a load of this swearing teenager

when i was a kid i saw a guy swimming at like we were swimming at the wave pool and he was wearing cutoff shorts and i thought he was the fucking coolest thing oh yeah yeah not even wearing a bathing suit when i was a kid i saw this guy having a picnic at hanging rock oh yeah what happened yeah I jingled at my baby. Oh, damn. A dingo? Yeah. Oh, shit.

Yeah, they're everywhere over there. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people people have are we still recording the episode yeah i've heard of a dingo but i've never heard of a dink yo you've never heard of a dink you know no who's asking what is it

it's something you know well i don't want to talk about i have a construction helmet over it but hi this is elizabeth from north carolina with an overheard i was eating breakfast at a diner next to a table full of college bros and they were talking about chickens who lay eggs and they said one said a hen can just keep on laying eggs and that's just what she does and it never turns into a chicken another guy says oh yeah you need a rooster for that and the third guy says yeah you need the rooster to sit on the egg and the other two guys nod and just say you don't really see that too often a rooster sitting on an egg thanks off i go even though it's 2022 you still don't see a rooster sitting really need to challenge gender norms yeah and you know like

that's the chicken patriarchy at work and it's totally like you go into a chicken bathroom they don't even have a change table on the rooster side yeah yeah it's the poultryocracy and uh we should all fight against it roosters can sit on eggs poultry or key well that's yeah isn't that what i said i just said poultryocracy grand shit shit i blew it guys i blew it. Guys, I blew it. Okay, I'm going to... Hey, Greg? Greg, cancel that special. He said poultryocracy. When you're referencing poultry, though, roosters

hardly ever get mentioned. It's always chickens. That's true. Yeah. Chickens got being mentioned on lock. On balk. Hi, Dave. Chicken's got being mentioned on lock. On block. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guest. My name's Allie, and I'm calling you on overheard from Vancouver. I was walking by Andy Livingston Park this summer

and walked past a fellow who had a completely unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt on and tiny round black sunglasses. And as I was walking in his direction, he's walking towards me, I could see him start to sniff the air a little bit. And as I got closer, he pulled down his sunglasses to the top of his nose, looked at me in the eyes and said, who's smoking that jazz? Referring to the smell of marijuana in the air.

Thanks. Take care. Who's smoking that jazz? Fuck. That guy sounds really cool. I hate to say this, but that sounds like it was me. Well, you wear tiny sunglasses. I picture you as a big sun yeah no so i switch it up it's funny that like i think i walked by your listener and said who's smoking that jazz

i think that they walked by gary oldman and uh the dracula movie You're tiny little guys. Who's smoking that jazz? And also, where is Mina? It's funny, like, it's legal now to smoke pot. But anytime I smell it, I always look around like, who's doing it? Yeah, you dial 911 and then just hold over the send button. And I'm like, okay, if I see the guy, I'm going to be a witness. Just because it's legal doesn't mean i have to be cool with it yeah and also come on vape don't just smoke a thing anymore vape yeah vape yeah when i last time i was in vancouver uh when we had those chanchos uh-huh um i think that was like april or something You guys have magic mushroom stores now.

Yeah, I don't know if we're supposed to. Should I not say that? Yeah, you're going to get us in trouble. Yeah, this is a big... Lots of cops listen to this podcast. They're going to find out. An hour and 45 minutes in, they're going to be like, got it, knew it.

Yeah, first we got to go arrest Hammer, and then... We're being Joe's scary. Hammer is scary. You guys don't know. I don't. Hammer is genuinely scary. That's what he said when he saw Hammer. Here's your final phone call.

Hey, guys. It's Em, currently in Florida. I have an overheard that I think Graham in particular is going to like. I was at a quick oil change place. It was 9 in the morning on a Saturday, and the guys looked exactly like you would think they would look working there, and I was a little worried about what my daughter was going to hear. She was in the back seat.

And one of the machines went down, and a guy went to his co-worker, and he's like, what am I supposed to do? It's taking forever. What do I do? Well, it reboots. And the one guy goes over, puts his hand on a guy's shoulder and said,

I don't know, man, maybe like meditate, take a deep breath. And I was, uh, humbled and shocked. And,

uh, you know, don't judge a book by its cover. I guess oil change guys can be enlightened, too. Fucking right, man. Anyway, love the show. Yeah, oil change. If anything, you have a lot of time down there under the car to just think about stuff.

Yeah, Zen and motorcycle maintenance aren't so far apart, are they? Did you guys all read that in high school? No. I was too busy getting chicks. Me too, dude. What were you? What was I? I was kind busy getting chicks. Me too, dude. What were you? What was I? I was a gym rat.

I just hung out around the school gym. Reading Sen and the Motorcycle Maintenance. The other motorcycle maintenance? Yeah, exactly. By myself. On the press-up bench. I read Ren and the Art of Motorcycle Stimpy. Damn, dude. This is why you stayed at the end of motorcycle Stimpy. Damn, dude. This is why you stayed at the end of the episode.

Yeah, exactly. We're not out of gold. We still got it. This is like one of those Instagram videos. It's like, wait for it. Yeah, exactly. It's a two hour long video. Man, it's somebody.

Somebody. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's a two hour long video. Man, it's somebody. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Chris, tell us all the things that you're promoting so that we can go find them and watch them and love them. Fuck. Yeah, I am burnt out. My God. No, no. Well, yeah, I guess the Cra special captain bones in canada but you know if you want to see it there's a vimeo link so how do people find you with the vimeo link how do they get that

uh i'm on instagram i'm on twitter just send a dm if you want and then also uh DM if you want. And then also, uh, I, uh, evil men. If you're in Toronto, evil men has a live show,

October 27th at comedy bar, but it's sold out. So wait, nevermind, but check out evil men with me, Mike Palazzo and James Harden. It's really, really fun and silly.

Yeah. Yeah. We agree. Thanks guys. And, uh, yeah. And some of our fans have come

because of being Stop Podcasting Yourself fans, so I will reiterate again, sincerely, thank you guys for everything. You're the best. And Dave, come on and do whatever that stupid cartoon is. Skeletor or whatever, yeah. Trix, the rabbit.

I don't think he's a bad guy. He is, because he's a bad guy. He is. Cause he's always like, I like cereal. He should like carrots. So did you guys ever do this as we end the show? Do you guys ever do this with a juice box? You,

you inflate it and you step on it and it pops. Yeah. Absolutely. I was a freak like that. Okay, here we go. Oh no. Oh no juice shot up oh well i'm also a recurring cast member on run the burbs on cbc oh yeah that in canada also i've made a movie this summer in pei called who's your father and i star star as a fool, of course, that falls in love and gets

in trouble, and that should be out in the spring. So look out for Who's Your Father? It's going to be insane. Cool. You've got projects. You've got the irons in the fire. Yeah. Cool. I can't do it. I can't pop it. Okay. Thank you for being here, guys.

Thank you for having me. You guys are the best. No joke. Thank you. I'm. You guys are the best. No joke. Thank you. I'm no juice box popping daddy. And all our listeners out there, if you're drinking a juice box, do the little thing where you fold it open and then blow in the straw hole and then pop it. That's fun.

It's good, clean fun. Or freeze it and then eat it like a little dessert. And if you're in Canada and you're eating Smarties, try to blow in the box and see if it makes that whistle sound when you're done eating all your this is excellent do all those things and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.