Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 764 - Abdul Aziz

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Comedian Abdul Aziz returns to talk graveyards, matrix glitches, and candy stores.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 764 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who, he's got some kind of wonderful tech setup that I can't even picture in my own mind. Mr. Dave Shumka.

Yeah, I, Graham and I used to make this show in the same room. And then Graham got mad. Yeah, that's right. He said I will never come back. But in the meantime my computer died and so I got a new computer and it's a two screen setup. That's awesome. And so if I'm like, if we ever are back in the studio I can be like, hey, want to watch the Harlem Globetrotters on that other screen?

The broadcasted Harlem Globetrotters game. They're in the finals. Yeah, they're against the cast of Gilligan's Island. Our guest today on the podcast, returning guest to the podcast very very funny comedian indeed it's mr abdul aziz thanks for joining us thanks for having me guys yeah this is fun it's uh

this is our first time this is fun this is gonna be fun don't you think this is fun we're having fun i enjoy fun remember the band fun uh we are fun uh should we get to know us yeah yes get to know us abdul you are a man of many talents you're not just a comedian you do producing stuff and you're a recorder and you're you play the recorder play the recorder you can do hot cross buns you can do uh you're getting it you're it. You can almost do smoke on the water. Yeah.

I remember recorder day. Like, did you have a class that was just like a random, uh, instruments that you're like a block of wood or a triangle, like very, like not like, uh, you know,

a bumpy stick. I feel like recorder day was like pretty awesome when you got to have the recorder which is disgusting now looking back on it all these kids playing with one recorder one everyone pass around the recorder it's recorded day everybody's gonna do one third of hot crust buns yeah we're gonna reset billy bobby you guys both have to play at the same time bobby does the fingering billy blows into never mind recorder units cancel yeah yeah yeah don't tell your parents that this happened yeah don't tell your parents i said fingering and blowing um do you guys either you guys have a teacher that was like sketchy and canceled because i feel like yes did you yes oh my god uh canceled i don't

know if we canceled teachers back then he just locked them up so he was uh was your teacher i was just i was reading about a teacher who's going to jail for several years having an ongoing relationship with a student and just being like how the fuck does that happen i don't understand what's going through uh it's only ever happened once though so that's true and we should learn a lesson from it for me once shame on you yeah yes yeah exactly um what happened in your case of the teacher getting the boot oh the teacher didn't get the boot uh in my case my case was uh my math teacher mr baker uh i'll say last names on here yeah shout out to mr baker i'm gonna hold on to my shout out until i hear what happened uh he married not one but two not two but three of his former students wow yeah at the same time do they all have to play the recorder at the same time

yeah he he converted to islam so that he could marry several people at the same time wow is that part true that you can in islamic sharia law all right boys we're getting into it well no but is that did he really marry them at the same time? No, no, no. He married them sequentially. His move was as they aged, he would choose a new one.

Yes, very godlike of him. Yeah, I don't personally subscribe to Sharia law. You know me. I'm into Sufism. Like the poet roomie shout out to roomie uh wow that's like uh uh that's like a rock star kind of thing that's like something like keith richards would do oh yeah it seemed like a thing bill wyman maybe has keith richards ever been married has he ever settled down tame him

that's true reba mcintyre that's who i think it's funny that like he's alive. Like people were saying 20 years ago that he looks like a zombie. Yeah. And then remember he got, uh, he fell out of a coconut tree or something like that. Was it on the set of Gilligan's Island? Johnny Depp movie. I feel like I heard that,

that he fell out of a palm tree. Yeah. That rings a bell. I feel like I heard that, that he fell out of a palm tree. Yeah, that rings a bell. It was part of the curse that keeps him alive. That's right. Every Halloween. Every Halloween, he has to shove a whole coconut, unpeeled, up his ass,

and it keeps him alive for one more year. Keith Riddick, shout out. He's actually dead, but when tropical music starts play he comes to life that's why they always do a harry belafonte song at the rolling stone concert before things kick off they play it constantly underneath everything yeah yeah um yeah so uh that's hilarious no it's not no it's not you're right it's a tragedy so i will still not be uh i still won't have a shout out for mr baker okay that's fair yeah he can only have shout outs from two of the three of us yes oh i mean mr baker probably i don't know he my there was very little oversight in my high school because immediately after I graduated, it was turned into a graveyard.

But it's haunted. It's a graveyard that's haunted. This was built on a school. Where was this? It was in Dundas, Ontario. ontario oh yeah it was right near hamilton cool is dundas do they have a do they compare themselves to hamilton or are they just their own thing they're they're part of the they're they're like part of the municipality of hamilton they were amalgamated uh okay but they're kind of like a sort of they've got the vibe of

like a sleepy new england town and a lot of movies and shit gets shot there oh okay yeah like uh like anything that stephen king would write is he is he a new england guy no he's maine yeah new england but i feel like probably a stephen king novel was there. There was a Stephen King novel in the town at some point. At least on someone's Kindle. That Julia Roberts movie where she was like a secret assassin. Oh, okay. What's that one? She's a secret assassin.

Boy, I don't know. I think Samuel L. Jackson was in it wow this movie sounds better and better all the time this is when i are you thinking of gina davis no it's definitely julia roberts julia roberts and oh yeah so i've never seen it and uh no it's no no that's gina day but when you google julia roberts samuel jackson the long kiss good night comes up shot in dundas dundas ontario um that's pretty cool that my high school was bulldozed and turned into a graveyard yeah yeah why good you thanks for giving me that edit point why why was that civically why was that a better use of space just because the school and nobody was

hitting the hitting the marks nobody's getting the grades so they're like we warned you three times it's a bad sign for a city you're like we don't believe in our future yeah we have more dead people than uh than students so we gotta do to do. Well, that was literally the logic was that I did like a whole set about this once. And there was like an article that came out in like the Hamilton Spectator that was like, it is a dire situation

in Dundas. If people keep dying at the rate that they are currently dying, we are going to run out of graveyard space in 17 years. Wow. dying we are going to run out of graveyard space in 17 years wow so we're thinking of stuffing them in lockers at the high school yeah and so he was like yeah let's just i always thought like vancouver would always be on these like lists of like the most livable cities in the world

and i always thought that was a weird word of livable but now i know now that i know the alternative dialable yeah best cities to die in yeah oh yeah what would be a nice city to die in? Number six will shock you. Oh, I'm clicking that. It's just a cruise ship. It doesn't even say a town. I guess dying on a cruise ship is probably one of the worst ways because you just got to stay there. Yeah. I thought you were going to say you have to be buried at sea. Well, maybe that is what they have to do.

I think it might happen. That would be awesome to be on a cruise ship where somebody's buried at sea. That's very lucky for everybody. I think at most cruises, someone probably does die. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And there's like 2,000 of them on a boat. You don't think they have a coffin somewhere in the bottom? Yeah, I'm sure they have a coffin somewhere in the bottom yeah i'm sure they

have got like by the time you finish the cruise i'm sure you're cruising with like four or five corpses four or five wow that's uh i mean a lot of the cruise folks are there on in years so it's a it's a possibility who are the best Cruise folks? Penelope Cruise? Penelope Cruise, Tom Cruise, obviously. Terry Cruise. Three different spellings. And three different acting methods. Uh-huh.

But they're all winners. They're all winners. There's not a stinker on the list. Abdul, your thoughts. On the best Cruises, I was furiously trying to think of another one, Abdul, your thoughts. On the best cruises? I was furiously trying to think of another one, if I'm being totally honest. I was like, well, thankfully I can just be quiet and no one will throw to me. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Well, it's okay. We got the rest of the show mapped out. Have, Abdul, you ever been on a cruise i have i was on a mediterranean cruise once when i was a kid uh oh yeah it was so much fun i think it's fun for a kid to like uh enter what is essentially kind of a post-apocalypse scenario where you're trapped on a ship like with all your amenities.

Yeah. Yeah. It seems like something to be really fun for a kid and it, and then for seniors, it feels like it's, they've parsed out fun for the two of them. And then in between, it's,

it's not a lot going on for, for, you know, say a wedded couple or something like that you know yeah it's uh it's also like you can eat all the time there's just food just sitting around that you can always just like have a piece of pizza or something like that the way you describe it it's like there's kind of food all over the place, not in one designated location. Yeah, like you're on a video game level and like, oh, there's a big turkey leg over there.

This guy's sweeping up just loose pizza. Why are you sweeping that up? We're supposed to have food everywhere on this cruise ship. I just thought we would want it in one big pile. No, no, no, no, no. I want people to happen upon it. I want pizza all over the ship, my boy.

This is the captain, by the way. This is the character. This is good character exploration. So this is the captain. How does he dance? How does he walk? What is his nose? I dance with the fury of a thousand suns, and I walk with the grace of a thousand suns,

but spelled differently. Okay. Which is which? Yeah. I feel like at the beginning of the cruise, there was a speech, like the captain made a speech over the... Yeah. We're all not we're you know many of you will be dead but yeah all of us are gonna make it look to your left look to your right

yeah and sometimes we have to stuff three to a coffin because it's you'll be staying on the coffin deck until until someone dies and then you will be relocated yeah i thought it was weird during the queen's procession that they kept calling it a coffin as opposed to a casket like yeah like there's some sort of mystical possibility that you arise from the coffin to rule us all again. I don't know that casket is nicer. No?

You think coffin and casket are equal? Yeah. I think of coffin I think of Dracula. But I don't think of him in a casket. I think casket I think of like some rickety like an old west like a pine box yeah a pine box that was hammered together that morning

it won't last the winter somebody start building a pine box yeah do you think that they had to build them fresh every time or did they did they rack up a bunch in case it is such a waste that you like pay so much for these things and then they just bury them yeah and there's like funeral homes that would they would have the casket at the viewing and then they would just put them in a pine box and bury that and then keep using the casket over and over again. Which to me makes sense environmentally. Totally. That's what I want.

I don't even want, look, regardless of death, I absolutely want an open casket. I want a viewing, whether I'm mangled by, you know, barracudas or just shot out of a torpedo dave didn't know that barracudas could kill him and so he died at sea yep climbed into the torpedo with a thousand barracudas yeah yeah like uh i don't uh i feel like uh cremation is my future that's i feel like that's like that's all of our future yeah i mean well the right people are dying in dundas ontario they really should just Have they not invented fire? Well, that was part of the reason why it turned into a graveyard. That, and then there was also too much asbestos in the building.

Those were the two main reasons. Yes, asbestos. Yeah, our old friend asbestos. Yeah, a couple weeks ago, a couple months ago, Dana Smith was on the the show and she talked about removing the popcorn stuff from the ceiling and then somebody i know somebody posted like oh that's usually asbestos like it shouldn't be it shouldn't be just knocked around oh man we that's just you know we thought it was the wonder drug. What do we call asbestos?

Wonder element? Is it fireproof? Is that what it was? Yeah. Yeah. And it was like a really good insulator so that you'd get your heating costs down, but then your removal costs went up. So, you know, it was a trade-off. Well, it sounds sort of like the perfect

product yeah well maybe i could start selling again be like look i know that it got a lot of that's the old asbestos they knew it don't they do that sometimes where they're like oh yeah yeah we don't do it that way anymore now it's cool new asbestos it's asbestos 2.0 yeah yeah exactly exactly. And it's like Burger King, how they try and rebrand themselves every couple of years. You can't spell best. Wait, no, you can't spell asbestos without best. Wait, which one are we spelling? You also can't spell it without SOS, which is what you'll be saying if you don't buy asbestos 2.0. Yeah.

SOS, you'll be marooned on an island um do you guys think if you ever heard morris code like would you be like ah shit i don't know you call it morris code what is it is it more morse morse more more so you'll like the way you look no it's some of the same commercials as Men's Warehouse. They just don't have the guy. Oh, yeah. Just showing suits. It's a funny thing to advertise. Where else can you get a suit?

Aside from a super expensive place, there's no other competition. Is there? Yeah, you can get them at any department store. Ah, yes. God you can get them at any department store. Ah, yes. God damn it. I forgot about department stores.

Have any of you guys been in a department store lately? It's Ghost Town up there. I had to go to the mall a few weeks ago, and the elevator landed us in the Nordstrom, and it was hard to get out of there. Yeah. getting sprayed down with perfume trying to yeah the classic the gauntlet of ladies spraying you yeah it's like the movie labyrinth yeah it's a but better smelling i think labyrinth looks like it stinks yeah david bowie probably smells pretty good. I wonder if David Bowie smelled good.

I feel like there was a story about him meeting a fan after a show and him bathing and asking her if she would help him bathe. So, yeah, I think he's probably pretty clean. Help me bathe. That's his opening salvo yeah I'll eat for you $100 guys that was off air but just like the idea of him like getting into a bath and being like i don't know how to do

this i need some help a bath is when's the last time either you took a bath uh like financially when you invested in asbestos 2.0 i think the last time I took a bath was probably some years ago I don't think I don't think it's been in my my modern life but it was nice the last time I did it I just don't I just don't have the time

for a bath you know what I mean showers is it when was the last time you had a bath I think I probably had a bath with Khalil recently my son and yeah he's still like young enough that sometimes he was still scared of it until very recently so sometimes i'd get in there with him just to be like it's fine look i'm in here i'm not dead yeah now help me bathe, kid. Ground control to major time.

I'll sing to you while you bathe me. I probably take three baths a year. Okay. Like when I have a cold or when I like hurt my back. Yeah, that's true. A little Epsom salt action, that kind of thing. You know, there's people that do it every day i've known people that but then when i do take a bath i have to then have a shower afterwards yeah that's true

well that was good and relaxing and now let's clean the filth off yeah let's uh yeah it's it never occurs to me to have a bath. But I will say, in my shower, the drain continuously clogs up, so I get a nice little foot bath going. Yeah, which is nice. I actually like that more than an actual bath. Just like the tub slowly filling up with water? Yeah, because then you could pretend you're in a monsoon, and you're like, oh, like oh yeah it's a disaster i'm heading to safety yeah naked i'm heading to

safety naked but uh no shoes either it makes a lot of opportunities for really interesting uh i guess hygiene related role play yes yeah uh i'm the loofah now and yeah the soap look at me i'm the loofah now um yeah i i feel like i don't know the the tub situation in some movies is that they've got like a huge tub that two people can squeeze in no problem but i feel like that's a dream of world i feel like right average tub is just oh yeah and like the idea that if anyone had the forethought to put the like the faucet not jamming you in the back if you do a two person tub because you eat you have even less room than you think you do yeah and then like also water displacement is uh not my forte so i don't know what level no one person let alone two people jesus christ uh yeah do you ever see

that movie what lies beneath with harrison ford and michelle pfeiffer no but is there a picture on the poster of somebody in a bath there's like a ghost comes out of the bath as ex-wife's ghost whoa and like i think comes out of the bath in the trailer anyway what if that wasn't what the movie's about at all they just added one scene in where it's like the people will come to see it if it's about at all they just added one scene in where it's like the people will come to see it if it's about a ghost yeah and Harrison Ford's like oh that was weird

anyway back to battling aliens I feel like there was a movie with Julia Roberts on the cover being in a bath. Maybe it was called... Sleeping with the Enemy? Yes, Sleeping with the Enemy. Yeah, yeah.

You guys seen that? It's probably an erotic thriller. It's not a thriller for it. Okay, that counts. I remember David Spade did What's In and What's Out. Oh, yeah. It's like Hollywood Minute. Yeah, it was out, sleeping with the enemy.

In, sleeping with me. David Spade. Yeah. Yeah, the... I didn't... Maybe it's an Iraq thriller. maybe it's just a thriller maybe it's neither maybe it's about bathing hygiene and I think it's her

it's about her like ex-husband stalking her oh yeah Jennifer Lopez in enough kind of scenario sure she really picked up the torch yeah we stopped by

uh there's a lot of these kinds of movies where the core premise or the cover isn't is bathing because there's also the reader with kate winslet where oh movie is her in a tub getting read to. Which is so weird to say. How did they pitch that? Yeah, like, we need you to read a little faster. I'm losing heat here. I'm getting all

pruney. Prinkly, yeah. And there's Trumbo where he writes Spartacus in the bathtub or whatever. Did he write Spartacus? I just feel like, you know how like... I get Trumbo and Mank mixed up. Who's Mank?

Mank was like kind of like our generation's Trumbo. But like Trumbo hands in a screenplay and it's all like if you drop a book in the bath it's all like uh wrinkly and huge they're like hey we can't make a movie this long he's like no just press on it yeah it's actually right yeah you can't make a movie this huge

um yeah i'm trying to think now another movie where it's like the person is bath bound but uh nothing else is coming to mind oh maybe the english patient is there a bath in that probably right oh well there's what's it called uh shine where he poops in the bath but he's a very good piano player yeah that's true it's a movie about two things he he can be about two things he's a great piano player and he shouldn't be trusted in the bath uh here's when i googled best bath movies. What Lies Beneath. Okay. Thank you. Fatal Attraction.

I don't remember that part. Oh, there's one where he's like dreaming that she's like drowning somebody. Anyways. Nightmare on Elm Street. Oh, yes. Famous bath scene. Splash. Oh, yeah.

Splash. Bull Durham. Young Guns. Tootsie weird science peewee's big adventure i like that the mermaid the tom hanks mermaid one had a bath in it like anything with a mermaid has a bath in it yeah splash that's what i said that's oh that's splat yeah i think the money pit did as well doesn't the bathtub like fall through the floor? Right. Yeah.

And someone's in it. Maybe. And their boobs fall out. It goes skidding across the floor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah i feel like probably a lot of movies in the 80s were sold with a pitch of like and then you see boobs okay okay you have it then

well sir you wheeled a bathtub into our offices so I know we are already saying yes to this. Yeah. You brought your own bathtub? Man, we're going to save so much money. And that's how James Cameron got aliens, man. Oh, man. James Cameron. He's coming out swinging on these Avatar films.

He's really saying. Is he? Yeah, he said like the Marvel Cinematic Universe is stupid. Well, he's right. said like the marvel cinematic universe is stupid and well he's right but yeah he's like i love how all in he is he's made like three more of these avatar movies and i don't remember what the first avatar no uh a bit many people have actually told us that we like predicted that he was gonna because he announced he was gonna do sequels and we're like yeah yeah yeah 2022 and this was like 10 years ago and so we i think we got one thing right yeah and he he probably invented a lot of technology

he had to do that on titanic and uh terminator he had to like make a lot of stuff that didn't exist yet yeah titanic is kind of the biggest bath movie yeah it's true whole thing's kind of a bad yeah it eases slowly into the ocean like somebody that's not sure about their footing in a bath oh so i'm uh, Vogue.com has some, uh, great, the best bath scenes. Uh, apparently he washes her in the notebook. Oh yeah, that sounds right. Oh, the shape of water guy lives in a bath. We got frickin' Fight Club takes a bath. The American Beauty, she's in a bath of rose petals.

These all rule that should be a section on netflix like bath bath under 90 minutes oh i'm pretty woman and scarface are in this category. Oh, yeah. Scarface. Classic. The thing about that bath is that it's 100% surrounded by carpet, which feels like that would get pretty nasty pretty fast. That was the thing in Alberta that a lot of my friends from Alberta have told me that they just had hot tubs in their carpeted basements also what like all my friends basements were unfinished we were allowed to just go in there screw around but wow a hot tub because also what's the ventilation situation on yeah it sounds like it's a moldy

that's gonna be a black mold crew oh it was gotta get some asbestos 2.0 in there it sucks up yeah it's actually actually really good for that he he also smoked in the tub which i feel like would be gross because ash would be following into where you're. So that's fine. Do you think that's fine? Just having some Ash floating around. I think that sounds actually pretty like, um,

I don't smoke, but I was like, get me to start like getting to do it in the bath. But like, I'm always so worried about like, if you have your phone in the bath like i hope i don't drop it in i don't even want to like you know yeah uh you know touch it with wet hands it's like like taking a wet cigarette and like using your wet fingers to get a cigarette in and out of your

mouth yeah gets all rumply like when you drop a book in the bath yeah and then it looks like a cigar whoa is that a cigar no don't don't panic it's just a just press it down oh we don't deal with cigars here no it is uh have either of you ever eaten something in the bath because i feel like that's another dimension of pleasure of yeah pleasure or of scared accident like if a sandwich fell in that would be the end of the bath no but you got me thinking like you could maybe like you could cook spaghetti and eat it in the bath it in the bath okay yeah save a little of that pasta water for you know your armpits the hot tub repairman is just so confused so you're saying you didn't spill anything in here. I wouldn't say I spilled anything.

Yeah. I wanted like years and years ago when I was like first living in Vancouver with a roommate, the two of us would very regularly scrape our plates off into the toilet. And, uh, the landlord came in and was like like what the fuck are you guys eating you guys need to chew how did this go through your body why would you do that uh i don't know it was it was a stupid thing that a couple of stupid kids would do but like

what kind of like you're scraping off just like rice or is it like you know chicken bones and watermelon rind it was it was like rice like stuff you would scrape off uh you know but we didn't have like our sink was gross and it would just the food would just stick in the pipe so we're like yeah i toilet should be able to take that's what i thought oatmeal rice yeah but he really uh tomahawk steak sure uh lobster thermidor yeah but a man oh man did that landlord call us out he was like you guys gotta eat something you to eat fiber or something. This is disgusting.

And this is what the musical Rent is about. Two hours of admitting that you did this to the toilet. 500, 25,000, 600 rice. Scrains. Scrains, yeah. I had such a long lead up to think of the word. I had to say the whole number. Measure a meal. Yeah.

In donuts and something. Scrapings and leavings. Yeah. Man man oh man that landlord had it coming he was a shitty landlord so oh yeah well you you need to get a good landlord yeah and then it's harder and harder to come by these days yeah if you want me to not do that kind of thing you got to keep the rent nice and low because i'll do i'll do it just out of spite my rent goes up into the toilet it goes so the whole thing of uh pillsbury dough boy crescent you know crossing crescent rolls yeah i'm trying to say what is a crescent roll it's a croissant but crescent was not none the things. Which is something you said, I think. There's a Pillsbury

croissant, crescent rolls commercial that Abby and I always hated because they sing a song, there's like a very sappy, emotional song in it, and they rhyme while they're just singing it. Something special about grandparents

so I'm making crescents close enough yeah look it's 5 o'clock we don't want to rewrite this god damn thing close enough grandparents crescent it rhymes on the page it's 5 o'clock and we started working on this 3 minutes ago and I don't want to put any more effort into it.

Okay, guys, here we go. First try. Pitching in the room. I always thought Pillsbury things in the tube were always very exciting because of that pop. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was fun. They were more fun to make than to eat. Yeah, yeah, I would agree with that.

Because it's the only, am I wrong about that? Is it the only baking that comes in a tube? Or, like, beside... Why do you ask these questions? Our listeners are, like, getting ready to write in. You guys forgot all these

baking in a tube things. Cookie dough. Cookie dough comes in a tube. There you go. Nailed it. Pillsbury. I guess so. Yeah, not exclusively, but yeah. Sure, yeah. Yeah, you could get a no-name tube. Yeah.

But you can't get a pie in a tube. Dave, you fucking idiot. You can get a pie in a tube dave you fucking idiot you can get a pie in a tube who let you have this show why are your fans so hostile i dude i don't know yeah might just be that because that's the voice i read the comments with but you guys should be nicer to Graham and Dave they're plenty nice yeah they're alright these listeners well you know we have our differences but ultimately

we're here to solve the crescent roll mysteries yeah and actually personally I've married three of them three of our listeners sequentially shout out to Dave for marrying three Married three of them. Married three of our listeners. Sequentially. Shout out to Dave for marrying three of his listeners. How far apart were the marriages?

I feel like it was like seven years. Wow. Holy cow. Because I feel like that's crazier than, you know, 30 years. Yeah. Yeah, but if it was 30 years, the age differences would be insane it would but the fact that like the third wife was like you know what uh i i don't know about those first two wives i never this is my first time hearing about this other marriage that would have to be it right yeah and if it was, he'd be like in his early 90s for that third.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Oh, man. Guys, I had a bit of a, hey, man, am I living in the Matrix moment? Oh, shit. Hey, is there a glitch in the frickin' mage? Yeah. And it was beyond that. It was a mistake that someone else made you know when you're like oh i saw this guy i've never seen this guy before and then i saw him three times today oh yeah yeah yeah um that's a glitch of

the matrix but that's a glitch of the matrix, but that's a glitch of the matrix. But come over to my house after school. We're going to watch the matrix. And we're going to discuss the glitch portion. Um, like, have you ever seen where it's like four cars in the row are all the same car? Yeah. But that's in Vancouver that they're all Tesla's every street.

I was also thinking about like growing up where you would do punch buggy. Like if you'd punch your friend, if you saw a Volkswagen Beetle and then they don't do that. Like there's none of those on the road anymore. No. They were just like common enough that it was, you'd see two a day. And then they brought them back and then yeah they i don't see i now i don't see those at all anymore and i wonder what is the like what is the new one you could do that with tickle your testicle for a tesla

so if you'd be in the city your testicles will be tickled non-stop my testicles can't feel anything anymore there's so many testicles on the road and also like volkswagen beetle doesn't start with a p for punch it's not like that's true not like uh you know boggle your boob. Beatles. Yeah. Or handjob Hummers. Yeah. Hummers. Yeah. I think are rare enough that you could punch someone about them. Hopefully the driver.

But like maybe like minis, mini Coopers. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Fiat 500s. Is that it? Yeah. What's the I wonder what the most common car is it's like i remember the movie drive he like his mechanic friend sets him up with a super great engine inside of the

most boring average car in the world so uh i think it's not tesla They're not that common, but it's probably like Toyota Corolla Honda Accord. I feel like in that scene, his friend was also like, all right, I also put your scorpion jacket inside of this blazer too. Yeah. And I'm going to put a really normal looking face on top of your beautiful face.

Yeah. Here's the most common face in the world it's the richard nixon mask you've already paid for the face transplant uh so i've got no obligation to do this correctly um so my glitch in the light trucks uh moment was well a few weeks ago or maybe last week abby and i uh were driving the kids to school and we heard this sia song the singer sia yeah uh she has the song big wig yeah big wig she's a big wig uh in the music industry that'll be a good like new york times crossword clue big wig in the music industry um three letters uh but it's the song that goes

i'm unstoppable i'm a porsche with no brakes speaking of first draft lyrics uh but so we heard that song and uh then that's as we were driving the kids to school and then that's as we were driving the kids to school and then on the way home we heard it again and then that afternoon as I was picking the kids up from school I heard it a third time and I was like is this a new song why are they playing it so much and it's from six years ago and it was just

very strange and then but the other thing we do every morning when we drive to school we listen to there's a radio station that plays they have a contest every day where someone calls in and they ask them 10 questions in 30 seconds and they have to answer all 10 questions and but all the answers start with the same letter so it'll be like the letter b this is uh the thing that you put on your boobs

yeah keep going keep going uh this is the sound a b makes i'm a b uh okay uh this is name a color the color of either of your eyes right now but it is a lot of that it's but it's a very fun game especially with kids in the car because they shout out the answers to is that i wantquanta? What? The name of the... I know the radio station that I'm currently working at has this type of game. No.

It's on Z95. Nice. Nice. It's the... If Carson don't stop it, Grant. Yeah. But they... So we listen to this every morning.

And then a couple weeks ago, it was... Or maybe a few days ago the letter was you oh yeah it was like you know this is hold this in the rain umbrella uh uh russia has invaded ukraine i don't know why i can't remember any of the actual ones they said name a bone one of them was name a bone. Ulner. Yeah. I guess so. I guess so. It is bone. That's true.

Well, isn't it Ulna? I don't know. Maybe. An Ulner is like when you get a boner in your Ulna. Uh-oh. Look who's got an Ulner. Oh. uh-oh look who's got it all there um uh but uh so we listen to this every morning we like make sure we're in the car for it

and then something happened today that i've never seen happen before like i never heard happen before in my life we were listening and they're like okay your letter is you and then they played the exact same and we were like are these the same questions as last time no it was the complete same call it was like they just had they played a rerun of this contest weird and the weirdest thing was after the person didn't win at the very end they played the same sia song whoa i dave i think it's only fair to tell you that i am an extra in your truman style whoa yeah and i'm the director the director and we thought it'd be fun to have him uh make a cameo in the truman world oh yeah

are we gonna do a bathtub scene? Yes, yes, that's coming up. This is us planting the seeds. Okay, yeah. I like to say, will there be a sexy lady? Because I'm starting to get an ulner. Back to your room, Grandpa. I'm trying to think of a moment that was like that but nothing like that where there's like three or four of the same thing happening yeah i find i

see the same car quite a bit like every every time i've bought a new car i've been like oh there's another super room pres over there oh and another one oh they're everywhere yeah i'm in a fraternity uh these are all these are gonna do that that jeep fingering that we learned in recorder class isn't there a thing with jeep drivers that they hold up two fingers oh i don't know to indicate that they're part of the white power movement maybe it's three figures i don't know yeah they really uh that white power movement really wouldn't have a wouldn't have let johnny carson be uh i think because he always liked to do the a-okay sign yeah somebody was very funny

i do like that they're very, they have very much pride in their race, but they always have to be sneaky with their hand signals. They're never like, they're always like, I got one past ya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I snuck one in there. I love it when

a white supremacist is a rascal like this. Yeah. Yeah. What, when you were a kid, did you do bunny ears behind people's head? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hold up two fingers. Did that ever have a meaning that those people had a bunch of girlfriends?

Oh. I think like if it was the bunny ears, it was something to do with playboy like this this kid's got a playboy that we all read no it was from in my school it was like i'm gonna hold up two fingers behind your head and if you don't notice i'm gonna start counting in my head and if i whatever number i make it to before you notice that's how many girlfriends you have but if you notice you can stop the count by putting your hand under your chin your fist under your chin this is how we used to vote before before those big paper ballots yeah this was that was originally designed in ancient greece was originally designed in ancient greece the origin of the democratic system yeah yeah uh yeah i didn't that was when having a lot of girlfriends was wait but wasn't it like if you

blew out candles on a cake however many didn't blow out that was also a girlfriend related yeah man the last thing you want is girlfriends yeah exactly you want wives and three of them if you can yeah you want student wives student wives that are seven years apart yeah exactly it's over your 21 year teaching career yeah seven's the magic number for me uh i know that just i run out of steam after uh seven years um yeah have you guys ever watched the sister wives show even in passing no uh certainly in passing was it an hbo thing no no that was the well yeah i'm thinking of the there was the bill fax oh yeah yeah that he was a polygamist a pulitzer prize winning polygamist

um yeah like uh i don't know this sister wife show it just feels like who is this good for it doesn't seem like anybody's getting a good side of the deal because he's got like three or four wives and they all have to hang out and be friends what's the most wives you would want that's a great question um what are we talking we're talking like do i live in a compound somewhere whatever yeah blue sky okay yeah i live in a compound somewhere but i don't like scheduling things so i'm gonna stick with one because i feel there'd be a lot of uh you know a lot of calendar work yeah and there's a google doc going okay you like okay you don't live in a compound

okay you live in a zoo you look like a monkey and you smell like one too You look like a monkey and you smell like one too. Those are the official rules. For me, I would probably want two wives, Abby and my mommy. Yeah, why not? Yeah. I just, I don't know. That show, show like the guy's not he doesn't seem great but none of the wives seem great either so it's just like they should just call it a day have three divorces right in a row or or just go to one lawyer and get them all signed up at the same time for divorce

i don't know if i would yeah i wouldn't mind being someone's like what one of someone's four husbands and i'm just kind of like in charge of like snacks yeah like you don't have to go to parent teacher night or anything like that you're just kind of in the background making a stew yeah there's no way the other husbands are letting me parent anyone they're all so much bigger than me would it be that this person you're married to would have a type or would it be all over the map would it be like one huge guy and then a couple little guys well yeah she would probably want boy she's got four husbands she'd probably want a cute one a shy one a funny one and john lennon

i thought you were doing n sync all of those plus chris kirk. Yeah. Yeah. The poor guy. He never had a chance, Chris Kirkpatrick. He was always going to be the runt of the litter. Who are the biggest... They should start a musical supergroup of just the runt of the litter with... Oh, yeah. That's a real... That's fantastic.

Joey Fatone, obviously. Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick. Well, how did Ensign get up with two runs? It's got to have Howie from the Backstreet Boys. Yeah. It's got to have Danny or John from New Kids on the Block. No, for sure it was Dan. No, was Danny the cute one?

John was the one that kind of had an angular face. Is that, do I remember that? His head was kind of had an angular face is that i remember that his head was kind of like a cube it's got to have jungkook from bts yeah absolutely there's one in every group it's just the logic because there's no no you don't be the mark little had a great bit about uh you know in my day you every group had a bad guy but kids today are spoiled because the boy bands they're all beautiful yeah his joke is like

NSYNC had two weirdos they were such a good group like Joey Batone and Chris Kirkpatrick they could hold it down for the whole other group they could yeah they could double bill with somebody all handsome there's also bands where nobody is the handsome one i'm trying to think of somebody where it's like four weirdos or five weirdos

boy bands well just bands in general oh well yeah i feel like bands from the uk they're all kind of weird looking yeah rolling stones they're weird looking but we're so gorgeous everyone on this call yeah yeah yeah yeah well i'm using a filter um so uh what are you gonna do about your truman show life now are you just i don't know what what at the end how does the truman show end does he is he like he does he get like a pension yeah he gets a pension yeah he he retires from being truman um he spoiler alert he uh sails he thinks he sails off into the distance but then he hits a wall and then he gets out and sees that there's a door and then he walks out the door and that's the end

of the truman show oh yeah the whole thing was happening in a bathtub turns out it was a bathtub all along oh wow another bath movie yeah he was having a bath nightmare yeah it uh uh like in the movie there's people that try to warn him that he's in a fake reality like people parachute in and stuff like that oh yeah but yeah he uh he never knows you know uh anyways you're the truman we're all the uh people in the background hey and you might see me twice that's the thing they. And you might see me twice. That's the thing. They cycle through. You might see me as a mailman or,

you know, something like that. Oh, sure. Yeah. A corpse at a funeral. I mean, I hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave.

What's going on with you? In that juicy caboose of yours. Well, last night I was, I was downtown, in that juicy caboose of yours well last night I was downtown in downtown Vancouver there was a book reading at the library that I went

there better be more than one book reading at the library they do it once a year to get their funding and they do it once a year to get their funding um and uh walking up granville street towards the train station there was a store that i'd never seen before and it was very eye-catching store and it was uh it was a candy store like just candies no not like candies and vapes like just candies all the way down and so went in and was talking to the woman behind the till she showed me around yesterday this was yesterday this was yesterday so this is the day after halloween yeah that's right so i didn't go and buy half-priced candy because i was like no you're just gonna eat all that half-priced candy because I was like, no, you're just going to eat all of that half-priced candy yourself.

You're not going to hand it out to anybody. So, yeah, so this is exactly this. The day after Halloween, discover this candy store. The woman that was working there gave me an extensive tour of everything they had. This is where the British snacks are. There's rows and rows of bulk candy. and they've got like every gummy candy you can imagine oh yeah worms they got worms they got uh they had like these little cherry twists that

i ate when i was like a kid and i haven't seen them since uh and like every gummy thing all the possible jelly belly or whatever they're called uh flavors all by flavor and uh yeah the weird like uh sugary cereal from different parts of the world so yeah it was really extensive but uh there was nobody else in there it's just well this is the day after halloween people are pretty they're sick of candy yeah they're full they've got their fun size um yeah it's there's a few of those stores around town and i and they're usually like you know there's a little room to walk around in there like they're not wall-to-wall candy yeah i don't know how the city can support so many of these specialty candy

stores yeah that's what i was thinking like it's i imagine that real estate on an entertainment district street would be at a premium you wouldn't think like this is a cheap place to open up a candy store and like only candy there's nothing else in there um you mentioned that but there's like vapes right yeah oh yeah there were vapes also like a lot of porno magazines from all over the world oh yeah then they had porno magazines in bulk so you didn't you just kind of got yeah and for halloween they have fun size porno mags um did you end up with a lot of uh extra candy from your handing out position me yeah no uh abby was handing out i did the i uh went on the trick-or-treating this time and abby by the end of the night she was telling like, the kids who come after 8 are older.

Yes. And they can, they'll, like, talk to you. The young kids are like, trick or treat. Thank you. Bye. And they run off scared that they had to talk to a stranger. But the, like, 12-year-olds who come at 8.30 are like, how many can we take? Yeah.

If they're, like, after 8., how many can we take? Yeah. If they're like after eight, they just want after eight. That's yeah. Abby was like, you can take two or three handfuls. Yeah. I want to get rid of this stuff. What was,

what was the, um, brand? What were you doing? Were you doing Abby went normally? I would, we get the four pack of Aero,

Coffee Crisp, Kit Kat, and Smarties. Yeah, a legendary combo. We didn't get any of those this year. Abby got a bunch of lollipops and Reese products and off-brand

Skittles. Scoodles. Scraddles. Bunch of crescents in a tube. Bunch of tubes of crescents. For when your

grandparents come over. Yeah, yeah. Put this in the fridge. it'll last a long time something special about grandparents picking up crosses um i will do were you handing out candy are you in a neighborhood that has trick-or-treaters no we live in a pretty uh like on a pretty major thoroughfare we live on mcgill street so people don't come down because there's a bunch of fucking 18 wheelers going down that road yes so nobody wants to trick-or-treat at those houses um so we were we just went

trick-or-treating with khalil did he like it did he get into it he liked it for the first part of it and then the firecrackers started going off and he got terrified yeah i carried him the rest of the time what uh what did he dress as he was gonna dress as a dalmatian firefighter and you're thinking of marshall from the paw patrol so that's the thing what he's never watched paw patrol so he just came up with that. Parallel thought. But then he got, I think, stage fright or afraid that he might have to put out a fire. He refused to wear the firefighter part of the costume, so he was just a Dalmatian. That's pretty good. Yeah, not bad.

And so he was just an off-duty marshal what do you think about halloween costumes where you have to like people who do the halloween costume but then would put out of the fire people who like kind of do a character thing people who not just wear a costume but also do a voice yeah um i feel like what is what is the worst or what is the best or what do you what just your general thoughts i think if somebody is looking like freddy krueger and talking like freddy krueger that's pretty scary yeah i feel like for for a scary thing it's like don't do this because it's we're in public and you have knives for hands yeah if it's just a character they're doing like if they're dressed as trumbo

pretty cool if they had that giant script or whatever yeah if they're walking around in a bath they had a bath there was someone wearing it had like a homemade vending machine costume full of candy and uh so we went up to this house and it was like i think it was a teenager and then the candy falls out like there's like a thing to release them in a flap that you reach into wow that's maybe maybe a crotch level but like there were like a bunch of chocolate bars displayed on display in this window but they were full-size chocolate bars and you're like oh wow we're gonna get some of these and then no fun no comes out i saw a group of people they were dressed like moths and that one person had like a light so they were all like kind of buzzing around the light i thought that was awesome that's a concept yeah that's a pretty

cool concept it's a vibe it's vibe absolutely um so yeah uh oh yeah my little nephew when you're saying about like little kids being nervous uh my little nephew went to one door and uh my sister-in-law filmed it and he like knocks on the door and he goes, there's nobody here. There's nobody coming. There you go. Yeah, so this candy store

I felt very bad for whoever owns it because i was like this this ends with you buying 200 worth of lollipops no and he did buy some candy and i accidentally took too much and there's no going back on the bulk bid purchase there's no like i don't want these um so yeah i was looking around enjoying the the candy colors and then by the time i left there was probably like 20 people in there like it just all of a sudden people i don't know if the bars let out or if it's just something like a group maybe you're a taste maker well that could be and then i blew up my own spot yeah maybe if you like what graham does

it's like oh well i gotta do what graham does yeah yeah um that's my uh that's my role in the background of the truman show as a tastemaker an influencer um but yeah it was full and i was like how many i can't imagine why all these people suddenly need very boutique candy, but something must have happened. I don't know if there was a hockey game or something, but just all of a sudden there was this group. What time of day was this? This was about

8.30pm, 8.30 or 9 o'clock pm, which is also a weird time for a candy store to be open. It is, yeah. Into the evening. But, uh, so they're doing alright. I thought they were going to be open. It is, yeah. Into the evening. But, uh, so they're doing alright. I thought they were going to be going out of business. Quite the opposite. They're making it happen.

We're open 24 hours. We can't keep up with demand. It's fucked up, dude. Break out the fun size. That's all we got left. left dude i can't hold them back any longer did you when you were of a trick-or-treating age do you ever have somebody just dump the

remains of a bowl in your bag like you're the last person there it happens all the time now it's like one person a block has just left uh left a bowl up nice nice really is a test of your uh conscious system yeah yeah and uh you know what i'm not afraid to say i failed on multiple occasions um do you guys want to move on to some overheards sure man i'd love to hi i'm jackie cation hello i'm laurie kilmerton we do a podcast called the jackie and laurie show and you could listen to it anytime you want it because there's Jackie and Lori show. And you could listen to it anytime you want it. Cause there's hundreds of episodes. Yeah.

I mean, we've been doing comedy forever and we should both quit. So why don't you listen before we leave this, not only terrible business, but this awful world and find out why we can't because we love it. So Jackie and Lori show every week here on maximum fun. Dot org. But why we can't? It's because we love it so. Jackie and Lori Show. Every week here on MaximumFun.org.

Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun. I am breaking into this programming to say thank you to MaxFun's members. Your purchases in this year's post-MaxFunDrive patch sale raised over $50,000 for Trans Lifeline. Maybe you already know about the good work that Trans Lifeline does. If you don't, they're a trans-run organization that offers direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis. If you want to learn more about the work Trans Lifeline does or support them further, go to translifeline.org. Thanks for supporting Maximum Fun. Thanks for supporting Trans Lifeline. And thanks for being awesome people who want to do good in the world. Overheard. Overheard. When you want to hear what other people are saying boy oh boys this is this this is the spot for you and i don't want to blow up my spot but this is where you should be and uh

we we always like to start with the guest abdul would you lead the way i would love to uh i have an overheard in the kids say the darndest thing category okay uh from my son uh the other day he was like he was eating uh and then he he was like i'm gonna keep eating count to a hundred one two three four five how many numbers do i have to count until i get to a hundred the answer will blow your mind oh i love it i love the the the kid threat I'm going to eat until I count to 100. That's a threat? It's a threat.

Yeah, he had a little knife with him, too. That's how you know a baby means business. Yeah, that's something like a robber would do. It's like, get on the ground and count to 100. And now I'm going to eat all your mozzarella sticks. I'm not going to eat them all, but when you're done counting, that's when I'm going to stop. You hear a bunch of rummaging around. He's like, where's your fucking oyster sauce?

I'm going to put rabbit ears behind your head and count to a hundred and you're going to have a hundred girlfriends. Yeah, being robbed will be the least of your concerns yeah you're gonna have to satisfy them that was the thing about like uh like people who die as martyrs in islam that is like you get 72 virgins is like that's so much work dude yeah holy shit they all suck at sex yeah you're like oh man they're like they're like a fucking civil service job or something it's not it's not though there's no guarantee when you get to heaven what gender they are so you just get there it's like well 72 dudes that i have to teach you how to have sex

it's heaven for them to not know how to have sex yeah are they are they virgins when they die and that's how they go into it are they mythical like like in new have like they were just invented in heaven yeah that's the question too because it's like are they 72 specific virgins from uh this picture I drew. In my mind, the only ethical way to do it, if it's 72 virgins that opted in to having sex with you, then, and I am no prize. So,

or do you think like they arrive and then whoever's at the, the gate or the entrance says like, you can either go in as what you are right now or we can switch you we can give your virginity back or when they're getting into heaven and they're like oh god I don't want to be one of these 72 virgins quick let's have

sex before we get into heaven in the lineup that's the Islam's version of we gotta lose our virginity before Yeah. We gotta lose our virginity before heaven. Or else we're gonna have to we're gonna have to marry

some jihadi. Yeah, it's complicated stuff. I like it here on earth where it's uh not so complex but you know what you get you don't get to choose that's the thing yeah and that i mean if there's one lesson from all this it's just you know what a life uh sometimes they will throw you a curveball yeah absolutely um dave do you have an overheard uh yeah these are from halloween well one's an overheard and one is just a funny little do you remember a couple weeks ago we were talking about how halloween playlists will just have like songs that have a scary title yes so uh on

someone's halloween playlist as i was trick or treating I heard Hall & Oates Man Eater yeah I think of their songs Private Eye is probably the spooky oh yeah they're watching you yeah yeah it's somebody posted this thing that you wrote many many years ago oh but i just want to say in uh muslim heaven uh the scary song is ham eater

i'm pretty good um yeah the you did a thing you wrote an article about uh a french song that we were like playing elementary school yeah say lalouine by yeah matt maxwell i interviewed him uh when i worked at cbc and they still publish it every year or i guess it's they like promote it every year wow do you did you ever have to take compulsory french uh yes but it was i moved here when i was uh 11 oh yeah so i had never taken french i'd taken arabic the whole time and then they're like okay we're gonna put you in remedial french and then muddle through so everyone else knew french and i was like i know arabic yeah i'm just gonna go with the one i know yeah you guys are picking french not me man arabic that's what i want to do oh man Oh, man, it was so hard. Yeah. Dave, you did French Immersion, right? Oh, oui. What else you got in that bag of tricks?

You didn't ask me that other question. Oh, what is your favorite time of year? Oh, ben, Noel. It's not sale Halloween. Just we live on home carnival. There you go. There you go. That's all you need to know.

My overheard is, so we went in our neighborhood. We go towards Douglas Park as we're trick-or-treating and like uh the streets get more and more packed as you get towards douglas park and then the street that douglas park is on is just like wall to wall people don't even close their doors like like there's just a line of trick or treaters going to every house. No need to ring the doorbell. And, um,

the, uh, as I'm standing on the sidewalk, uh, I heard another dad say, this place is as busy as the Denver airport. Which is a measurement that we all recognize yeah yeah the most busy airport there is or maybe the one place this guy's been

yeah what a weird like normally it would be like grand central station but like yeah i think i don't know i've never been to the denver airport maybe it is wild you know uh it's no o'hare i say that i've been to o'hare airport yeah it's got a dinosaur in it it's got some dinosaur bones in it so does calgary airport that's true yeah huh yeah that's what i would say this is as busy as the calgary airport You guys are handing out candy like white hats, which for the person listening is something they do in Calgary for notable guests. Yeah, I got one. Dave got one.

Yeah. I did not receive one. No, I did not. Whoa. And I'm from there originally. And did I receive it for a show we were both doing? Yep. What?

That's insane. It was, yeah. Why did they do that? For notable guests. Graham is a born and bred Calgarian. Right. And they were like, no fucking way are we giving that guy a cowboy hat. He probably has his own hanging up at Ranchman's.

no fucking way we're giving that guy he probably has his own hanging up at ranchman's which is a cowboy bar that was featured in the film Cool Runnings so yeah has a bobsled embedded in the facade of it

and that's all the Calgary facts you need to know a bobsled is kind of like a winter bathtub like a bathtub for four so i mean that might be a good bathtub movie um my overheard is something i was at a bar on a patio always and i was talking with my date, and I said, at one point, I said, No way, Jose.

And the server, I guess, had never heard that before. And she said, No way, Jose. Hmm, I like that. Yeah. Like, you know, I guess that's not being passed from generation to generation. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, I guess that's not being passed from generation to generation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Like, I find there's a very wide range of holy, like, holy cow, holy Toledo. Yeah. Holy macaroni. Like, I feel like that's something that you could impress on someone for the first time. Yeah. Holy cow. I like that. Yeah. I think I'm. I like that. Yeah.

I think I'm going to use that. Yeah. Is that originally from India? Perhaps. Yeah. Let's check out the word origin here on MiriamWebster.com. I also have overheards that are sent in from people. That's fun.

Yeah. This is when you start doing this. This is a new thing. Yeah. This is three weeks old. I'm surprised you don't remember, but yeah, it's three weeks.

Okay. And we didn't do it every time, but the other three weeks we did it every other week. So this is the second time. This is the second time we're doing it. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

This is a, Oh, I just thought of another uh scary um hollow note song uh you make my dreams come true if it's about freddy krueger there's uh i feel like there's a fat boy song about freddy krueger and there's also a fresh prince song about yeah ready for are you ready for freddy and nightmare on my street yeah that's uh two songs i think jason doesn't even have one except maybe when nelly says i'm just kidding like jason is that no that's about jason

kidd the basketball player shit he's who's in my dreams uh jason kidd was yeah okay yeah um well this first one uh is right right here in vancouver this is jeff r who says while getting in an evo on 14th and ontario now an evo is a car share for people not from here. Yeah, it's not an escape pod from intergalactic ships. Yeah. Everybody to the Evo. So, looked up, saw a car with a license plate. It says it's N-O-T-A-V-R-G. N-O-T-A-V-R-G.

Not a virgin? Yeah, that's what he thinks. It's not a virgin. That guy's trying to plan for heaven. That guy. I got this covered and I have evidence too. I'm registered with the province. He's waiting at the pearly gates with his

license plate. As you can clearly see, they wouldn't give this to somebody who was still a virgin. Anyways, good for that person. And you know what? If you're out there and you're holding on to your virginity, good for you too. As long as you've got some

relationship with virginity. Just be aware of it. Yeah, exactly. Just be aware. Aware of it. Yeah, exactly. November's virginity awareness month. Don't forget. Right now, listeners are like, it's not average.

Boys, boys, it's not average. Guys, you can buy a Danish in a tube. And November is virginity awareness month well uh we're all spreading it we're all forget we're no nothing yeah oh shit we are oh i want those two days back or do i have to go two extra days into december uh no you gotta get in a time machine stop stop marty we gotta go back what for it's no not november and i've been nutting like crazy i invented a nutting machine and it won't turn off marty's like oh yeah i went by your house and there was because isn't there a big pile of dog food on the floor yeah

um the uh that's on november 5th i think so it would be known in november yeah shit I don't remember. Yeah, shit. This next one comes from Mike H. in Grand Prairie, Alberta. I just overheard my daughter say a thing to her mother that nobody has ever said out loud before. She said, sometimes on the internet, I don't have an opinion on things, which is great it's great

for a little kid to learn that learn it early yeah you don't have anything to say and it shouldn't be on the internet at all costs abby was writing she was uh typing something into her phone and she was like i'm just writing something on reddit and i'm like you don't write things on reddit you look at things on Reddit. You don't write. You never respond. That's true. Whenever it has a prompt, it's like, do you want to sign in?

I'm like, no, absolutely not. I don't want anybody to know I'm here ever. I have my groups I go to on the regular. Not anything embarrassing, but not anything I want to contribute to. I'm in no fap. I'm in no poo. no poo pocktober oh man i've been eating a lot of toffee just to kind of block things up the no poo now our angry listeners are like the no poo subreddit's for people who don't use shampoo. God.

Yeah, you're thinking of zero craps. Zero craps. Now this overseen is a fun game. This is from Sean V. in St. Louis. Hello, boys. I have an overseen that can also be a fun guessing game at my local vape shop

i noticed they have pictures on the wall of celebrities who vape and none of them will surprise you what are the top five answers on the board well that's really good celebrities who vape huh well steven dorf used to do those vaping ads but i don't think he's among them not steven dorf um i mean it's not gonna be like snoop is it no not snoop there's two women and three men and they're all except for one they act okay uh johnny depp uh no surprisingly no i don't know billy eilish no not billy eilish i don't know um well and it's weird i'm like i can't figure out if this list sure do you think any of these would be obvious no okay no they're just famous people that uh scarlett johansson it's as uh as good a guess as this uh list provides is it uh american conservative pundit ann coulter

um do you guys want a clue or do you want me to just blow through this list i'm i'm just going to google vaping celebrities and see if any of them line up oh leo oh sorry you said johnny depp he is on here sorry i was looking at the bottom so yes johnny depp is on here you nailed one my apologies is leonardo dicaprio on the list no leonardo dicaprio is katie perry on the list no No. She probably vapes, right? Oh, my God. One of them is a retired actor. Mel Brooks.

Yeah. He's not retired, but he's still in the game. Who's retired? Gene Hackman? Not Gene Hackman, but a contemporary of Gene Hackman. Somebody who just doesn't, does not go in movies anymore. Kelsey Grammer? He goes in movies all the time.

Yes. Who's a contemporary? Joe Pesci. It starts with a J. You've got that much. This is like Wordle. I've pulled up Vaporesso.com. 45 celebrities who vape from every

field uh but when i click on it it says i have to be over 21 yeah because i'm gonna read about vaping um i don't know i don't know jack nicholson yes jack nicholson oh he, Jack Nicholson. Oh, he's retired. And I am surprised that he vapes, because I just assumed he smoked. Maybe he's trying to get off the old cigarette. How many are left? Three. Three. Two women and one man? Yes.

Ben Affleck? No. Penelope Cruz? No. Tom Cruise? No, Tom Cruise's body is a temple. He would never. Harry Cruz. Katherine Heigl. That would be a good one.

I can see her. She's on this list. Okay, who cares? Okay, number five, Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga coming in at number five. Number four, Jack Nicholson. Number three, Johnny Depp. Number two,

Paris Hilton? And finally, scuzzball for all time, Charlie Sheen. Number one, Charlie Sheen. Oh, yeah. You know what his favorite flavor of ape use is?

Hashtag tiger blood. you know what his favorite flavor of vape is? Hashtag Tiger Blood did you go to something where I went to his weapons of mass destruction tour where he came out and my brother-in-law

bought like 12 tickets to see Charlie Sheen live whoa to Charlie sheen live and whoa wow and it was the last show of his tour and he was burnt out and the momentum of whatever he was trying to accomplish yeah over anyway in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. Spy pod one. Like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest. This is William calling from Austin, Massachusetts with an overheard. I was in the container store, and on my way out, two people walked in, and a couple of the guys said to the girl, boy, it really smells like containers in here.

And I don't know why, but it really struck me funny. Yeah, what the hell? You think that's like an incense they're burning that smells like containers or do you think it's actually these containers um also a container store it's like it's like when they uh you know when you're going to a an open house and they they've just baked cookies to get you in the mood to buy a house that is they just baked these containers yeah they like pipe out the container smell on the street. Also, a container store is just very funny to me that its entire store just. But I mean, what's better than that?

Blood and drugs. You ever get a good container? Yes, I have a couple that I'm awfully fond of. What are your favorite containers? This one's open to the floor um i have a good one that's like uh rectangular and maybe two inches tall and it's good for putting like taxes and stuff like that in uh-huh uh-huh so that was one and it has like clip seals on it so uh it's good it's good oh no um silverfish getting in or out uh i have a good one from uh muji that's uh it's like a little uh of you know it's like i don't know a foot tall and it's got five

compartments that you that are like drawers that you can keep glasses or watches in sunglasses sun watches i love that yeah love a functional container yeah like a functional container i do a lot of like work uh on the road and i have like a ton of cables so i have this pouch that i got that is it justice for organizing cables that's right that's that's super smart i love it little they're little pockets within the pockets yeah yeah that's great uh what's your favorite cable in there Tom Cable, Terry Cable, Penelope Cable. I like the iPad charger. That's my favorite one.

That one slaps. That one does slap. Next phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and guest. This is Emily from Cincinnati. next phone call hi dave graham and guest um this is emily from cincinnati i was just sitting at a bar eating dinner and this couple next to me it was very loud but i heard them say yeah who is the mark zuckerberg of the industrial revolution and i didn't get to hear the answer because it was really loud but i thought that was either a very fun or insufferable conversation oh that's

great yeah that is a good question because they immediately you want to say henry ford but i was thinking for it too yeah or thomas edison yeah oh yeah thomas edison but like they don't what what mark zuckerberg does isn't that no he who made like a virtual reality thing i guess vanderbilt maybe he made all the railroads yeah that's true which is the early internet was yeah yeah railroads or like who made it like who had like a newspaper oh yeah who had a fake news network like hurst or something maybe it's not that old but who's that guy that did the spruce goose i feel like he owned newspapers uh he was howard hughes but i also don't think that was the industrial revolution yeah um was it like wait was the industrial road what give me a year on the Industrial Revolution. Henry Ford was like

1900. Is the Industrial Revolution like 1800? Yes. I'm going to say yes. Because cowboys in the Old West at that point had guns and stuff like that that would have taken. Although they didn't have cars. They did have horses. But some... Yeah, I don't know. Okay, well, I think... That class I took was all in French

and I didn't understand it. Yeah. Papa John's. That's my vote. Papa John, yeah, sure. Good guy by all accounts. And here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guest.

My name's Jerome, calling in from Calgary with an overseen. I was just wandering through the university, and I saw a box, like kind of one of those big industrial, like garbage, plastic boxes. And it had in big bold like white spray painted letters and like the stencils so I really wanted to make it be known

that inside this box in those big letters big plastic box says fake wood only wow so you're looking like for prefabab slats what you're going for there right that i'm for when i think fake wood i think of the things that are in like a gas fireplace the fake logs in a gas oh yeah fake wood only yeah i think i'm laminate yeah laminate yeah that's fine what's it also like some people you uh you can get like a case for your laptop that looks like it's wood oh yeah my uh phone case here oh yeah oh yeah fake wood fake wood in the box yeah sure and that was jerome from calgary right it was do you think it was

jerome again yay i think it probably was. Dave, you did not disappoint. That was great. Well, I think that's the end of this here episode. Abdul, if people want to find all the stuff you do, you do a bunch of different stuff. Where can people hunt you down? I'd say the best thing that i do is i make a a kind of a

dungeons and dragons style podcast uh called spout lore s-p-o-u-t-l-o-r-e uh it's a uh it's a lot of fun it's basically just like kind of lord of the rings meets super bad is the thing and we kind of like have been for the last five years playing through this like uh adventure we play the same characters it's basically like an improvised comedy uh and we didn't know anything about role-playing games or anything when we started so i'd say don't like that do you now i know a lot more yeah the space is quite there's like so many different kinds. And is it a, is it five years of this?

Is it one long story or do you, has it been broken up into seasons or anything? It's yeah, it's, it's 10, it's coming up on 10 seasons now. So there's a lot, but it is the same story all the way through.

It's kind of like a funny game of Thrones, but are you still the same characters from the beginning? Yeah. If you like a funny game of thrones but are you still the same characters from the beginning yeah if you like if you didn't like the character you're stuck with them yeah that's exactly right so if you listen first episode do not like it then don't listen but what i will say is when we started the show i had bronchitis so i was it sounded like i was doing a batman voice but that stops at season two okay all right wasn't an acting choice was just uh what was happening at the time up your bronc um and where can people find that uh it's available in all podcatching apps so whatever podcatching app you use or you can go to spout lore.com or you can go to spoutlore.com spout

lore hmm well thank you so much for being our guest this was a lot of fun and thank you to all our listeners out there we love you we wish that you'd keep in touch

keep in touch call us on Sunday if you have time tell us we're wrong about crescent rolls and such yeah no it's fine no we're just playing with you yeah we love you we hold you close to our hearts uh so why don't you come back next time for another episode of podcast to yourself next time for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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