Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 766 - Heidi Brander

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Comedian and writer Heidi Brander joins us to talk film school, The Crown, and queen pranks.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 766 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who he looks really good wearing headphones because it makes his hair look slicked and like brand new. Every time I see him it looks like he just walked out of the barbershop. Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I was at the barbershop this morning.

You know what I do there though right wow pretty good yeah i'm the bass in my barber shop quartet do you guys wear straw boaters or are you well we we share one big straw boater uh pass it down the line we pass it but like we used to have four but then you know i was using them as cereal bowls and the guys didn't like it um our guest we're called the lovely lads of yeah we're the oh the likely lads of lichnitzide of lore and hey lady i mean the name's good. It's not great, but it's good.

It is. No, it does. It's really hard because we have to keep like we're constantly we have a sign painter painting a sign as we keep going. It's good. Lovely. The leverage. Anyway, our guest today is a first time guest here on the podcast. She's a writer.

She is a comedian. And we're so glad to have her It's Heidi Bradner everybody Hi! Hello! What's up? Oh, it's all happening, you know, what's up with you? Same, it's just a lot going on Yeah

Heidi, is it Bradner or Brander? No, it's Brander Oh, did I say Bradner? Brander is what I meant to say. Look, Graham hates it. I didn't even notice. I always do this to Graham. It's because I always get it wrong.

Simple as that. Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. We all have a role to play in this. Something, something is 2020 and whatever is fair play and you know how it works. Oh, absolutely, I do. Do you want play and you know how it works. Oh, absolutely. I do. Do you want to get to know us? Yes.

Get to know us. Heidi, you are not, you moved to Los Angeles not that long ago, like a year ago, maybe two years ago? Oh man. I mean, I actually technically moved here March of 2020. Oh shit. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Classic. That was a popular time. Oh yeah. oh man i mean i actually technically moved here uh march of 2020 oh shit okay yeah yeah that was a popular time oh yeah and then i immediately moved away again and then i kind of just moved back like ish like last year i've been back and forth but like mostly in canada because

uh covid was like not cool here yeah it was it was, it was cooler up here for sure. Oh, COVID was a vibe. Yeah. We do not stand COVID. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. In Canada, we stand it.

So you, you've been down there for a while. It's home. I assume it feels like home. Yeah. I got, got my, I bought a bed.'s home i assume it feels like home yeah i got got my uh bought a bed that's like that's classic home stuff yeah yeah yeah so uh it doesn't really feel like home but i mean i guess i i pay my rent here and stuff yeah yeah and you bet your bed's there so yeah i want to know more about this bed did it come in a uh box the size of a mini fridge yeah did it oh my god i yeah i

got one of those like uh what are they called like uh not it's not endy but it's the one that's like in the casper i got a casper mattress yeah it came in like the tiniest box and then you open it up and it like literally like biffs you in the face when you open it because it's like so compact but uh yeah it was it's very comfortable yeah a former sponsor of this show was that right yeah yeah i think we had casper and you know uh we had they sent us one yeah it was fine yeah yeah it was good i gave it away i said uh you know i here's a little secret of the advertising game i i already had a bed i didn't need the bed oh but you could have done like the princess like you could have put another mattress on top of your mattress and seen what you could that's true feel through it but we now have a like a different brand who is basically, they're all the same, I think.

Now, in my bed that I sleep on is a, I couldn't even tell you the name. It's like Endy. It's one of the Canadian, it's a Canadian Casper. Is it? It's a memory foam? You guys are both sleeping on memory foam? Oh, yeah. Have you ever compared?

Like, I've never tried an Endy. I'm like curious about how it holds up. You guys should beds for a night i forget what brand mine is it's like salt and straw or something salt and straw rosemary rock salt ice cream bed yeah yeah but it uh first night i slept on it greatest sleep of my life yeah probably because i was exhausted from setting up a new bed. And then they give you the 100-day guarantee. And then afterwards, I think my back has hurt more every day of my life. Oh, yeah. The 100-day guarantee thing is crazy. I know a lot of people that will just buy one, use it for 100 days, and then send it back on day 99.

And be like, oh, I just grifted you. How do you send it back? day 99 and be like oh i just grifted you how do you send it back yeah right i mean i don't think i've ever witnessed that you just like shove it into oh god like one of those like tubes that you put photos in and it just explodes like pillsbury dough and you twist yeah that's how they should deliver it. Yeah, that's a lot more fun. Whereabouts in Los Angeles are we talking to you from? Oh, it's kind of like there's like a line between East Hollywood and Silver Lake.

And it's like literally like right on the line. Okay. On the good side of the line or the rough side of the line? The good side. Yeah. One side of the street is nice. And the other side of the street, there's like coyotes like coming around and stuff. It's like really weird. They should put up a fence between the two sides. That sounds dangerous.

I know. Do you have, uh, do you have a little animal that you have to keep away from coyotes? No, I mean, I really want a dog, but I like big dogs. Like I'm not like, I'm sorry if either of you have little, little animals, but I, yeah, I will really want a dog but i like big dogs like i'm not like i'm sorry if either you have little little animals but i yeah i will not get a dog unless it's like a big like beast of a dog there's so many chihuahuas here that i'm just kind of like i'm not really into little little guys what's uh what's the dream dog the big the dream big dog if you can have any dog there's like these dogs oh my god what are they called um they're

they're white and they look like clouds like i really like one of those one of those cloud dogs yeah there's like i like a burmese mountain dog or like even like a big fat golden retriever or like you know that or oh god like a bait with a beethoven dog oh i remember breed yeah yeah oh saint bernard the only thing that's downside, Drool City. Drool City, USA. Oh, I love Drool. Okay, then you, man, are you thinking about the right dog? Now, I heard that Beethoven, the dog from Beethoven, was the exact same dog from Cujo.

Really? Yeah. That is some range. He's got range. Yeah, holy shit. Oh, my God. Like, dog oscars that's crazy yeah did he have one of those uh you know headshots that was four different emotions yeah he's a doctor the dog oscars i think should be an oscar weiner yeah yeah absolutely they should have dog oscars

you kidding me that'd be the most popular telecast of the year exactly like everyone will tune in that's crazy who'd host it they should do the dog oscars during halftime of the regular oscars yeah is your place are you allowed dogs there are you waiting till you get a place where it's like dog friendly oh yeah they're uh you're not allowed dogs and it's like kind of small so you know i don't want to do that to like a big dog i'm waiting till i have like a yard you know yeah yeah yeah or a ranch you know oh my god imagine going off to my ranch that's so yeah what would you do if you had a ranch like i don't even really know what a ranch is is it just like i mean if your last name is brander you probably come from ranch people that's probably yeah absolutely well actually when i started work like as a person i uh like when i

graduated college i got a job uh doing like marketing and i had no experience and they literally told me that they hired me because my last name was brander which i was it was like i got hired as a joke that's so weird honestly like the way i've seen some of the way these ranchers work you're one letter away from being a hiney brander and so they're branching their they're branding their little hiney oh my god they're little cow hiney start a company yeah yeah oh man that would be great let's see you've got a mind for marketing you've already figured heine branders heine branders or join like nixie m or something i don't know oh yeah that's definitely the next move um yeah i know some folks that have a ranch because you know certain places in the country

you can just own a ranch and they just have animals on it they don't they don't do anything special they don't like grow wheat or anything like that just animals running around so like what's the difference in between a ranch and a farm like is a is a ranch just more like i mean they don't have grass i really don't know i i think it's just that that ranch is more animals walking around and like having a paddock or something like that yeah you guys seem like a couple of city slickers yeah i know this legend that might entice you yeah i uh whenever i go to the ranch i wear my uh air pumps and they get all fucked up is that in city slickers no it's just something i picture as city folk doing that would have been a good gag is it he's like um heidi where do where do you

originate from where is your your home born and raised oh i'm from pei i mean technically yeah i moved around a lot as a kid but i'm like mostly from PEI. That's where my whole family's from. Is it as picturesque and beautiful as it seems? Oh my God. It's like there's like a month where it's the most beautiful place on earth. It's actually crazy. Like it's like there's like red dirt and the green grass, like blue sky. And then the rest of the I think it's usually like midway through June to like mid midway through oh wait sorry midway july midway august and then the rest of the year it's like actually garbage

it's very bad like just weather-wise it's just horrible and and gray or snowy or it just it's just bad like it's like the sky just collapses it's so it's all gray and like i mean i because i was in halifax for a long time so i uh remember like bringing people to pei to visit and it would be like you know even like october and it's like it's like everything shuts down like we really turn out for like tourism season and then the rest of the year is just like and like you can't get a coffee here like they just don't want to do anything what is tourism season it's because it's a tiny island so what is do people just go sit on the beach and go to anna green gables house yeah it's real intense like everything's anna green gables themed like

i mean i remember like in high school like i had to work at a it's like a little chocolate place and like you had to dress up like you're you know put your hair in braids and wear like a big dress like you're in anne green gables and be all like hey like oh welcome to ye olde chocolate shop and like uh like and then um and then do they pay with touch debit in the yeah uh please tap yeah oh my god that's so funny uh but yeah like it's it's like that for like june july august and then the rest of the year is just like meh yeah it just turns into a regular old fudge factory yeah it's just all like like everything's expired yeah there's a town like i went up to in the

north called dawson city have you ever heard of dawson oh yeah it's the same it's like during the summer it's all old time gold rush cowboy kind of stuff and then in the winter it's like the population shrinks to like 5 000 people people or whatever. Yeah. Oh, totally. Everybody leaves. Yeah. Even this summer. Like I was like, I think I stayed like a couple of days past labor day and you just see like labor day hits.

And then you try to like go to a store the day after and they're like, Oh, we're closed. Like, why would we be open? Yeah, exactly. We're all going over to Halifax.

You a crazy person. Yeah. We're all going to write forifax, you crazy person. Yeah, we're all going to write for 22 minutes. And they could. And then did you move PEI to Toronto or did you kind of go around a bit first? I mean, after high school, I went to France. I was like an exchange student for a year. I was a very bad exchange student.

I lived in France for a year and i can't speak french now like i kind of was like i could get by when i was there and now i like i just moved back and i was like never mind like i'm not gonna remember any of this uh what could you speak french before no i uh and like they clearly wanted a canadian exchange student because they assumed that every Canadian speaks French. So I just like showed up on their doorstep and I was like, Hey, I'm an idiot. I don't know how to talk to you. Je ne care pas. Yeah.

Did you, this exchange, did you stay with a family or did you, were you at a school or how did that work? Oh yeah. It was like, you stay with three families usually what i think happens is that um the first family typically will like fall in love with you so much that they'll want to keep you for the whole year which did not happen with me and then um and then you go to school and stuff and And their school is like, oh, my God, it's like 10 hours a day. It's way more intense than our school. And I'd already graduated.

So, like, there was no, like, onus on me to go. So, I would just, like, skip class all the time and, like, go to, like, little cafes with my Norwegian friend and, like, smoke cigarettes. And, yeah, like, we hate it here. I was such a bad it was crazy but the norwegian could like go home for weekends yeah and like she was like people in europe are like like she was fluent in english could speak norwegian obviously like could speak french and i was like i can't even do one yeah i mean I've got, I barely got a grasp on the one. Yeah. Yeah. And then did you, did you want to live in Europe after that?

Or were you like, screw this, I'm going back to Canada? Well, I went back to Canada and I went to university, but then like after university, I was like, I want to live in Europe, but I want to live in like English Europe because like, screw like learning a new language so i was like i'm gonna move to london yeah and then i uh saved up all my money moved to london london's expensive so i like lasted i think i lasted there like less than two weeks like it was just like i just burned burned through all of my money and then i ended up moving to edinburgh for like a few like i think like eight months or

something because edinburgh is like way cheaper if you can edinburgh's beautiful too it's like oh yeah how many places have you lived if you do you i well i i don't know if you would count the two weeks in london and how do you know if you've lived somewhere is it when you buy a bed is that when you know yeah yeah that's true yeah that's you putting down roots yeah i mean anything that's oh that's a good question anything that's probably like longer than like a month i would like if you pay rent somewhere for like a month i would be like i live there how many beds have you owned oh god well there's my bed that I had. I remember I had this like little bed when I was a kid. And then like all through my childhood, we had just had it in our house.

It's a single bed. It's made of wood. And then I took it to university. I like use that in university. And then when I was leaving university, I was like, oh, I can't believe we have to get rid of this little bed. Like my parents had told me that like my grandfather had built it with his hands. It was made of wood. And I was like, oh, my God, what?

Like, I don't want to throw this out. And then like my dad came to pick me up and I told him how sad I was. And he was like, what are you talking about? Like that was your sister's bed. Like this one is from Ikea in the 80s. Yeah. Your grandfather built it it but he put it together yeah with like like 80s ikea pegs and what i i never lived on campus in university you

have to bring your own bed or i i just always assumed the beds were just in she didn't say she lived on campus oh that's true that was me assuming this was uh i mean i don't know i went to queens so queens is weird because uh you do the first year in residence and then like the She didn't say she lived on campus. Oh, that's true. That was me assuming. This was, I mean, I don't know. I went to Queens. So Queens is weird because you do the first year in residence. And then like the following few years, like it's kind of like they kick you out. And then you got to like live in a house with a bunch of people. Yeah. Yeah.

That makes sense. That seems to be every university I know of. Yeah. Where'd you guys go to school? I went to school in Calgary, Alberta, a place called Mount Royal University. Ooh, cool. I went to the University of Victoria. Oh, nice.

I did one year in residence and then one year as a resident advisor. Oh, nice. Yeah. Is that how you score like two years in residence? Yeah. Well, you have to pay your first year and then you get it for free the second year and they give you a stick to fend off all the ladies um what were you doing when you were over in london and edinburgh were you just

like backpacking around or did you work there? Did you, what did you pass the time smoking at cafes? London? I was just like hemorrhaging money. So I like, uh, I, yeah, I don't have good memories of that place.

I just was like, I gotta get out of here. And then I went to Edinburgh and then, um, I was working in a bar, like literally the most American bar in Scotland. It's called the filling station. It's like,

Oh God, it's basically like the Moxies of Edinburgh. And I was working there as a bartender and like it's just so bad at it. You don't get tipped and like people with Scottish accents have like, you can't understand them. So they

come up and they'd be like, can I have a lock and block? I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Write it down for me. I wanted to move to English Europe. can I have a lock and block? I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. Like I couldn't write it down for me. Yeah. I wanted to move to English Europe. God,

English Europe. That is one of the things like when I thought about moving to Ireland, it's like that. I was constantly asking people to slow down and talk because I couldn't. Yeah. Yeah. Like with the thick accents and also just like they're funny people so they're throwing in uh regional yeah exactly um what'd you study at queens oh i took film yeah and uh film in english and like

i don't know i feel like i like i wish i could go to school now because at the time, like I just, you know, you get to you get assigned all these books and all this like cool these cool films to watch. And then you are hung over. So you don't really like pay attention to them. And then like now I'm like, oh, I could have read like all of Shakespeare. And instead, I just like looked at the spark notes online. Like, you know, I just I don't know. I wish I I wish I could like read like all of Shakespeare. And instead I just like looked at the spark notes online. Like, you know, I just,

I don't know. I wish I, I wish I could like learn now, but what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Be a mature student. Have all the kids kind of like treat you like you're a leper. Yeah.

But also they, you're probably one of the only ones that has your own car. So yeah, it's, it's true. you're probably one of the only ones that has your own car. So yeah, it's, it's true. I feel like education in my case was also wasted on my youth. I should have just backpacked around until I was ready to fucking pay attention and actually do something.

But yeah. What would you have done? I probably would have gone in the same direction i went like communications and broadcasting so i don't think it would have done anything different but i would have been like more mature i would have taken it more seriously you know what i mean um at least in the things that you had to take like i had to take some math class and some philosophy class and shit like that oh that math class we didn't have to do like i've heard of schools where you have to take things outside of your area and you're

like yeah to get a little bit of everything not not where i went man that math class was death it was instant death and it wasn't supposed to be. It was supposed to be like dumb guy's math, but even dumb guy's math. I'm like, what are they teaching? Dumb guy's math, you know, addition, subtraction,

half of the multiplication table. Like shapes, shapes, which of these circles is bigger? True question. They're both the same size do you see a vase or two faces this math class is just whatever those are called

optical illusions optical illusions yeah stare at this spinning wheel now look at this. Turn this old lady upside down. But if you went to Queens, you must have been a pretty good student. Wait, wait. I have one more.

Oh, go. Go ahead. The final exam is just a magic eye. And everybody's like covering their answer. Yeah. It's a frog frog i could never do those that like always drove me crazy it was like i can't get it i could i could that's one thing that i i took to immediately i think the first time i looked at it i was like i get this i get how to do this unbelievable how popular it became like that people were interested in it for more than two seconds i would buy one now and put it on my wall it's like a real conversation starter yeah and it was like on an episode of seinfeld and you know it was like in mall rats so it was

just like that exact moment was people were nuts for them and what i don't blame them i don't blame them at all um you're you a good student because if you went to queens you must have had to be a pretty good student yeah i mean i was i was like decent in high school i like i remember going to university though like i was a really good like student at film at queens which you like didn't need to be like people like you're supposed to barely pass in university but like I was like trying really hard and like I would remember I would like do one of my roommates like uh essays for her and be like you need to pass you need to you need to

graduate university like you have to try harder and stuff and then uh she just like graduated but then like married a millionaire. So I'm like, Oh, I was wrong. You can just do that. Yeah. That's the,

that would do. She major in how to, how to catch a millionaire. Like that's literally why girls like go to Queens. It's really depressing. They're like, I'm just going to like meet some like, I don't know,

bank man. I don't know what they're called. Yeah. Bank man. Lenny Bankman. Um, yeah. Uh,

I didn't, if I had known that Queens had a film program, I probably would have gone there to be honest. Oh, well, I mean, I, I,

uh, I think I went, it was like the last year that they actually taught how to shoot on real film, which is completely obsolete now. So like my education is useless because I'm like, I can load a Bolex camera. Like, you know what I mean? Like one of those like windy things. But like, you know, I get on this podcast. I'm like, I don't know how to work garage band

like i can't do anything i can kind of do final cut a bit and that's that's it yeah i i went to film school here in vancouver and they they taught it they made us cut on film and then we were allowed to use the computers once we figured out like yeah they're like you have to do this the hard way then you can do easy yeah after i did university i went to broadcast school and it was like it was the dying days of before high definition and like the i just we had these studio cameras that were like you know when you watch an old like talk show and they like pan to the crowd and they stayed on the they accidentally got the light in the frame and then the light is just burned on the picture for the next few seconds. It was that. Yeah, it's like when we were editing, because sometimes in in like computer editing, you like drop a clip clip. You drop a couple of frames.

But literally, if you did that on the film, on the editing bed, you had to find it. You had to find the actual frame and tape it back. And it's just like, that's how people used to make movies? Holy shit. Oh, yeah. I don't know how good you were at like storytelling when you're in university, but like you had to pay for the film and then you use that film to do the dumbest shit.

It would be like, like, I think I made like, like, you know, one of those like medium shot, medium shot, medium shot,

medium shot, like, like a rom-com or something. I'm like, I did it. Like I made one. I didn't spend it. My dad gave me like a thousand dollars

to make that piece of shit. Anyway. What was it called? What was the romantic comedy called? Oh my God, I can't remember. I like literally can't remember. I think I blocked it out of my brain. Oh man, man, I would love to see this.

I feel bad for like every time I like wasted an actor's time decades later i'm like oh i hope i don't run into that guy there was a guy when we were doing auditions that i guess had been auditioning for the the class for years like he was just but he looked so unique that everybody cast him in their films. And the teachers were like, uh, they were like,

no, only one, only one production can have this guy. He can't be in everybody's. What did he look like? He kind of had like, he kind of looked like, um,

like he had like kind of exaggerated features. So he kind of was like a little bit like Steve Buscemi, but also like a bit like, do you ever see the triplets of Belleville is like a cartoony kind of face, like big nose, big cheekbones, bulgy eyes. And he was good,

but ever the teachers were like, absolutely not. And also one of our teachers on the first day said, when we were going to make a documentary, he's like, if you shoot a flower coming out of the pavement, I swear to God, I will instantly fail you. Oh, my God.

I love it. Yeah. But just that, like, every student had the exact same brain. Like, they just. Do you ever make a film outside of school? No, I haven't done anything since.'s weird i don't know why uh i just i i think i it's like the technology is just like far too far gone for me like i i'm not gonna like go around shooting something on my phone i don't know it feels weird did you uh did you get into writing by writing scripts or did you just like i'm abandoning this

completely and i'm starting over as a comedian and oh i mean that way i really wanted to be i like i was like i'm gonna be a writer like screw having to actually like you know shoot stuff so i like was doing that thing where you like send out script like you write scripts and you're like it's a story about a girl in university. And like, so I wrote like stuff like that. And then I would send it out to like, dear agent,

like, please hire me. And then they were like, obviously never read it. And then I started doing standup and then I just got writing stuff through standup, which was good. Cause like, it's so much easier just to be like,

Hey, you're too lazy to, you know, read my script. So, like, people just come out to comedy shows and hire people that way. Yeah. Like, they see you do five minutes and they're like, good, funny. There you go. Yeah.

I want her to write my romantic comedy. How about a girl in university? She seems like she's got a lot to say. Yeah. You know, we need more white women talking about their dreams. And more white men starting podcasts. So this is. That's what happened with us.

We, Graham and I did stand up and people said, you guys should start a podcast. Yeah. When you guys together, it's like jazz. Unpopular. like jazz unpopular except the nerds that's the thing if you go to a jazz club now it's all nerds right it's not like the cool swinging not cool heroin addict

oh my god have you guys ever seen that kim cattrall clip of her like scanning yes it's probably the best that's what i think of it when i see when i hear jazz i'm like baba surey and the he dogs and the she dogs my favorite line is and the town never saw such a hullabaloo oh man the fact that you put that out there and was probably very proud of it too like oh 100 this is how i want to be remembered um that was her husband right like they were married there it was her husband played stand-up

bass yes it wasn't just some guy she hired and then i mistakenly thought that he was the one that was attacked by the komodo dragon but that was sharon stone's husband i didn't know that oh god i have some googling to do but yeah it's pretty great it's one of the greater stories out there is there is there like video or i don't know. I think we heard the backstory was it was like at a zoo and they got like a private tour of the zoo. That's right. It wasn't out in the wild. It was like somebody's controlled environment. Yeah.

Oh, he's never done that before. He's never attacked a human. As long as your wife keeps her legs crossed, you won't have any problems uh my wife is sharon stone what um and then you've you've written sketch or tv shows or a little bit of both a little bit of both yeah um mostly mostly sketch uh which is like the best because it's like here's like here's the thing it's a minute bye yeah beginning middle end i don't know if you can make anything of this but like have you ever thought that uh this is weird okay well there's okay yeah wrap it up guy and even like even like second city sketch like you watch like second city shows and

like their sketches are like eight minutes long and they have like entire arcs and stuff and i'm like whoa that's i've never done that before yeah it's like yeah i like i like a short sketch i enjoy yeah a minute 30 minute kind of yeah once you get into four or five minutes you're like building characters oh boy um but now in uh in la do you want to do the same thing or do you want to branch out and make movies make that romantic comedy you've had on the back or do you just want to stay in that new casper bed i mean really it's just that like i'm like i just want to yeah to make a little nest in my little Casper bed and stay there forever I'm trying to get into just anything

anything that I can get hired to do here like writing scripts and writing jokes and throwing them out and being like offering my wares and seeing if anyone wants to take them i don't know yeah yeah you go to the town square and with the scripts and a bell

hear you hear you i'm also working at the old chocolate shop i know all my all my like salesmanship comes from my childhood and pei oh man put those hair and braids and away we go churn some butter sell some scripts you know yeah exactly um yeah this is uh past guest paul bay uh he writes tv stuff or film stuff and he said that somebody said to him that uh all almost all the rich writers in hollywood have never had anything produced they've just written scripts that have gone into development and then dropped out of development so it's that's what you want you want to get stuff that's not finished that's that's the trick well like i mean honestly the reason i came here too is like i was in toronto

during pride and i like have this like very small apartment in toronto that's like you know it's affordable but it's like a one bedroom and i i had um like my friend was producing a show like a pride show and then there i don't know if you guys know who like guy brandham is but he's like a comedian yeah so he um was at my apartment and he brought all of his friends and all of his friends are like tv writers in la and stuff and they're they're just in my apartment and like uh you know like it kind of came up like oh i'm like my friend was like she's the head writer of canada's the daily show and they were all like if you did that in the states you would have a pool i was like oh i want a pool i want to go to the united states and try

to get a pool that would be great if you had a one bedroom apartment but also just like i took up most of the lot with this uh this pool cool um dave what's going on with you man well not much going on this week but my favorite genre of tv is back oh shit because the crown season five is back yeah i guess the crown season five is here yeah the crown is back and it's uh my favorite genre of tv which you recall graham is people sitting and talking quietly yes yeah exactly some jargon throw some jargon in there as well yeah very low stakes um uh and this year they have uh the new cast so new queen new new charles and isn't charles yeah like mcnulty from okay well here's the thing yes it's dominic west yeah we played mcnulty in the wire yeah and i was talking to past guest maddie kelly about it i was like oh we're gonna start watching season five uh and she was like

who's prince charles this year and i was like it's mcnulty and she was like, who's Prince Charles this year? And I was like, it's McNulty. And she was like, really? Yeah. And she thought I said Nick Nolte. That's probably closer, honestly. Like, McNulty fucking Charles wishes he was McNulty. Oh, right. Nick Nolte would be a very bold casting choice. Swallowing his own dentures um but uh yeah so it's it's him and this woman elizabeth debicki is that her name yeah who yeah she's very tall she's princess diana and she in real life is like six foot five and they oh really is yeah wow cool and then

they can't like they can't cheat it well enough so far i'm one episode in and it's like she's a minute ball standing next to him like they don't cheat it so they they do sometimes but like there's one scene where they're like standing next to each other next to this yacht and she is towering over him and i guess they could like explain it like oh she's got high heels on but right yeah and they don't shoot in forced perspective where she's in the background he's in the foreground yeah uh i have never watched the second of this show so i don't i i know it's about the queen but i don't know anything else is it just a retelling of stuff that happened or yeah do you watch it

heidi oh yeah i just finished season five like i like binge it and it's yeah i feel kind of like gross afterwards because i'm like i just binged like the most boring show but i could not get enough we're one episode in and the stakes are will the government pay for them to read to like fix their yacht i do like a show that you don't have to like focus too much and you're just like that's fine if they uh if they get that yacht yeah oh my god that's the you know who dies oh yeah that's true yeah that's true i mean everybody eventually but yeah in that season is it during the their first years married or is this towards the in the 90s okay yeah john major's prime minister played by johnny lee miller from hackers like everyone that shouldn't be hot is hot and then like you know everyone else is just tall wait wait wait wait who shouldn't be hot

john major john major should not be physically attracted like prince charles oh my god uh who somebody told me though and i don't know if this is just somebody fucking with me but the pictures of young prince charles that he was he was quite a snack apparently but but i don't have any evidence i haven't looked it up. And to be honest, I don't care. I mean, look, I'm not going to, I'm not here to body shame Prince Charles. I'm here to kink shame Prince Charles. Who plays Prince Philip? Is he part of the show or is he? Is it Jonathan Pryce?

Yeah. He does not look a thing like Prince Charles either. I don't know. It really took me out of it because. He is, he was one of the two popes and the two popes oh yeah yeah yeah yeah okay he was a bond villain in one of the pierce brosnan and james bond oh yeah well uh you know him he was in i think infinity commercials if he uh is in those things he must be somewhat attractive which uh prince philip never was i think i've seen pictures of him played a pope he must be somewhat attractive, which Prince Philip never was, I think.

I've seen pictures of him. If he played a pope, he must be somewhat attractive. Right? All the popes have been pretty good looking. Oh, no, that Ratzenberger guy, he looked haunted. I don't know. Boy, who's the cutest pope? I mean, other than the Jude law.

Right. Like, oh man, the cutest of the Popes. Yeah. Are there any, like, is there like,

like Leo, the handsome or something? Yeah. Leo, the handsome, but it was one of those things where like, if you're big and you get the nickname tiny, that's it.

He was actually quite ugly. Okay. Well, i just googled uh best looking pope most handsome pope and i found a paste article says 10 real life popes who'd give jude law's pious the 13th a run for his money I love it. I love it. Like a sexy Pope calendar. Yeah. Or like the sexiest man alive. The Pope wins again.

Sexiest man alive from People Magazine. Yeah. With photos without his hat. Yeah. Maybe while I watch. yeah with photos without his hat um yeah uh maybe well i watched it's called the crown or it's called the queen what is it called the crown the crown because i watched the one where uh the the movie where the queen with helen yeah she doesn't understand why people like diana yeah it's the same guy i think i think the same guy that did the queen maybe i'm wrong did the crown same vibes yeah oh absolutely i'm sure there's at least one guy who's the same what is it what is an equally you can put it on and have low stakes

like is there another one like that somewhere where you can just like binge it and it's just boring but you don't have to really pay attention very much there. Like Downton Abbey is pretty similar. Anything that's like British, like, oh, yeah, I feel like I feel like that's the case. But then sometimes you'll watch a British like war era film and they're like crazy, crazy disturbing. And, you know, but still like very jargony anyways what i mean to say is i don't watch a lot of british content yeah you gotta great gotta check out bridgerton bridgerton uh you'll love it it's horny i do like a horny british person that's that's right up my alley who's your favorite

benny hill benny hill mr bean yeah mr bean absolutely uh the the whole cast of the young ones uh we don't know that mr bean's horny um because graham and i have been watching them once a month and we just watched the christ episode where his girlfriend kisses him on the cheek and Mr. Bean rubs it off. Oh, yeah. He hates his girlfriend. I forgot about that. And then after that episode where she thinks he's going to propose and he doesn't, we never see her again. Yeah.

Oh, my God. And he buys her the picture of the thing. Yeah. Classic. Oh, man. we never see her again yeah oh my god and he buys her the picture of the thing it's classic but oh man i mean would i watch a reboot or another sequel series starring rowan atkinson absolutely or dominic west but you didn't have you watched a man versus b no have you watched the johnny english movies no. Have you watched the Johnny English movies? No. So you're all talk.

I am all talk. That's true. I like the Mr. Bean brand. That's what I'm most obsessed with. So you watched all of the... I watched all the one episode. Oh, so you're not... And Heidi, does anything, is there anything earth shattering that happens during it?

Does the season go long enough that princess diana dies i mean i don't want to spoil it because like that's where people think you know that's the natural ending point but i mean okay we'll see we'll see okay i'm excited well i really I'm excited. I don't want to spoil it. I really don't. Okay. Okay. Okay. I guess that's fair.

And I guess I don't want you to spoil it. Because last night, I watched it with my wife and she was like, go to episode 10. Let me read the plot of episode 10. And I was like covering my eyes. Yeah. You got to make it fun because you don't know what type of artistic license this person is taking with it they could go off in the crazy direction yeah maybe by episode 10 princess diana will be 20 feet tall

destroying this london like toppling over buildings. Using one of those guards, like a microphone with the big hats. Anyway, that's what's going on with me. Nothing. What's going on with you? My,

uh, my, what's going on with me, is also directly Queen related. So, after the Queen died, I don't know who started it. I think it was past guest Alicia Tobin might have started it, or I might have started it. But we were texting back and forth, trying to surprise each other by saying the Queen died. we were texting back and forth trying to surprise each other by saying the queen died. So we like send a text.

And then at the very end, we'd slide in the queen died or like make a bunch of spaces and then say the queen died at the end. And, uh, so I won't give it up, but she's so much better at this game than I am. She,

she really like, she catches me at all. Tell me about it. Like, give me an example text uh let me see if i can pull one up she um but she'll say something she'll like it'll be like it's an actual conversation that we're having and then she'll just slide in that the queen died and i can't every time i try to do it to her it's not successful at all. She always sees it coming.

She'll do it in conversation too if you're talking to her. She'll just slide the queen died into the conversation. And this is your idea of fun? This is fun. I like a back and forth. I like a harmless prank. You know what I mean? I don't know how harmless it is. Why? To the queen?

A woman is dead. And now her son has to do her job i can't seem to find one but uh she's very good at it and she's caught me all sorts of and twitter direct messages text messages she in conversation she did it yesterday she was talking about something to do with her dog hank and then she was just like and we're gonna have to go to the queen is dead and i was like god damn it you caught me again so the other night she sends me a text saying that she's locked herself out of her apartment okay and can i can i come down the lobby in my place give her uh her spare key and so i first of all i have

to find the key and i have no idea where it is and uh then when i find the key i'm like is this the key and uh so i text to her like uh i'll be down in a minute i'm still just trying to figure out what key it is then i go down the lobby nobody's standing at the door i'm like oh maybe she took hank around the corner so i opened the door i hello? Hello? And then she sends me a text and said, you probably don't know where the key is. It's on the key chain. The queen died. And I was like, this was like over the course of half an hour. And she kept it going. And she totally, she got me. She got me again. We're raising the stakes now now we're we're doing entire scenes so i'm gonna try and catch her but i doubt it i doubt it she's good she's a good prankster what

can i say or maybe i'm very easy to fool these are two uh direct possibilities you guys like pranks dave i don't think you like pranks are you pranked prankster? Dave? Oh, Dave froze there for a second. I froze for most of that, but it sounds like it was a hell of a prank. Apologies if I didn't, you know, laugh at the right part. I know Hank was there and then Alicia disappeared. And boy, you know, it's anyone's guess what happened next. Heidi, do you like a prank? I love a good prank. I used to listen to some

jerky boys in my day. What was your favorite type of call from the jerky boys? Right? They had different characters, didn't they? Or were they always just the jerky boys? Yeah, I was talking about this with someone else recently and like, we're like, oh, oh the jerky boys and then we like listen to it and it's like all deeply problematic so i wouldn't suggest revisiting the jerky boys like just don't ruin your childhood like that yeah yeah i mean yeah like yeah there's a lot of accents they shouldn't be doing. You don't want to.

Yeah. Yeah. And like now they would be like, cancel culture. They won't even let me do prank calls anymore with this. Yeah. And now one of the jerky boys is running for governor of Pennsylvania. Yeah. We looked into his past.

William Jerky. Yeah. Congressman for Arizona. yeah we looked into his past william jerky yeah congressman for arizona uh also like didn't wasn't cranky anchors wasn't that another one that probably didn't yankers oh yeah was that problematic probably probably i mean like pranks have been the they've been around since radio like as soon as you know as soon as that was invented i'm sure they were telegraph pranks and uh just yeah what do you think the first like not maybe not the first prank but what are some like old-fashioned pranks from like before technology yeah i mean you know putting something in the knight's armor, like something itchy. Oh, yeah.

Like, or lubing it up so that it flies off in the middle of battle. Oh, my God, like an old-timey, like, can of, like, what is that, like, nuts that, like, a snake comes out of? Yeah. I've invented the spring. the spring it would be pretty funny if you labeled something that was a Casper mattress as something else that people tore it open and it like flopped open

oh man that's the best this box of peanuts free peanuts oh no oh shit my whole room oh I have a hundred day guarantee i know that your daughters dave have tried to they do pranky stuff on uh april 1st and you have to pretend to be pranked right yeah well the for either yeah i have to either i'm guiding them

through the pranks and i'm i've told my wife that she needs to pretend to be pranked and i have to either i'm guiding them through the pranks and i'm i've told my wife that she needs to pretend to be pranked and i have to like tell her like all right come on have a glass of water honey it's it's uh yeah it's they really do telegraph them of like because they want to get all the pranks done like within five minutes of waking up. It's like, okay, well, you've had the glass of water with the weird ice cube in it, and now it's time to have a thing of Pringles. How about you try some gum? I know you just woke up, but try some gum. Aw.

Yeah, it's adorable. It's it's fun kids are fun right yeah everyone go out and have a couple kids yeah and then just wait for that sweet sweet april fool's day prankathon did you ever heidi did you ever like pull a prank or are you just like being an observer of pranks? I mean, I remember being like little and doing the same stuff to my dad and just being like, hey, I made you some coffee. But then like, you know, there's clearly like mustard on the rim of the mug. You're like, oh, God, here we go. Trying to think if there's anything i've done recently huh it takes a lot of effort like you do have to think did you ever do crank calls either

of you uh no because i was so scared once that phone starts ringing my heart beats so fast there used to be when i was when i was growing up there was like an am station that you could call and leave your music request on like an answering machine and we we pranked that a lot but mostly because it wasn't anybody picking up you know so you could kind of do a couple dry runs and yeah hey i'd like to request i'm gonna kill you if you could play the queen is dead uh Hey, I'd like to request, I'm going to kill you. If you could play The Queen is Dead. And I play the Smith cell.

It was during the era of Brian Adams. Everything I do, I do it for you. And that was a big request. I remember my first April Fool's that I remember. I was about five and my siblings, they gave me, I would always have a bowl of Rice Krispies with sugar on top. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because, you know, I always had to be consuming sugar. And so, and then they swapped in salt and I didn't understand the concept of a prank and I was very upset and my brother just kept saying my brother just kept saying vivant to suck your blood

it's like is this part of a prank I didn't get that one oh man yeah I mean of all the I think i've said before my favorite just for laughs gag prank is one where it's a person goes in uh like a portable bathroom and then they like create they push over a whole set that's an office boardroom and so when the person walks out there in an office boardroom and i'm like that's probably the most harmless one that i've ever seen and it's funny it's like high concept but oh yeah like i think uh local comedian andy kennedy is in that oh he is i think he's the like boss he's yelling at the guy coming out of the porta potty being like hey what are you doing in here i mean i assume that's what he's yelling They don't have any dialogue in these pranks.

Yeah, I feel like every time I go in a porta potty now, I wish that I walk into a boardroom or somebody's apartment. One thing I've learned, because the house next to ours is under construction and it has been for a year and there's a porta potty out there, is a porta potty is everyone's

bathroom it's not just for the construction workers it's for every delivery man in the neighborhood and every one just passing through yeah somebody who's just out on a jog just uh yeah it becomes it becomes a real community yeah it really is it takes a village i don't think i've ever done that would you guys like if you saw a porta potty you had to go to the bathroom you just go in that seems audacious i think it's probably more uh it's probably easier as a man because you don't have to touch anything in there oh yeah but also it's it would be an emergency like or like no other option because i can't that it's the worst yeah it's the worst um do you guys want to move on to some overheards sure all right

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If you thought it was anything different, sorry to disappoint you that's what it is um we always like to start with the guest heidi do you have an overheard yeah oh my god this was the best i was i it was like i think i was in target or like nordstrom rack or like something like it was one of those like department store things. And I was by a lady who was looking at one of those like it was like a fleece blanket. And it said like sleep, nap, relax. So, you know, I have like little words all over them and stuff. Yeah.

And then the lady was like, it reminds me of what I'm supposed to be doing in a blanket. And I was like, oh, my God, god this lady like she said it completely earnestly and i imagine imagine just being like uh what am i supposed to be doing in this thing and she like reads it like sleep oh yeah okay yeah she's got like a business blazer that says like work focus yeah i mean they do have i guess doors have push pull yeah that's true and uh you know cleaning instructions that's another one yeah i mean plenty of like there's a lot of like dosage on medicine bottles yeah but no yeah that's really gets to the core of it yeah oh yeah love it i mean she's so cute when someone says when like someone has a sign that says live laugh love is that like an order wait why did i come in here again oh yeah employees must wash hands and live like a boy.

Dave, do you have an overheard? Boy, I don't know. I have a couple of things that maybe would count as an overseen. I saw a very clever sign. That's good. I like a clever sign. It was the Ontario teachers were on strike or had walked out or something. Yeah.

Uh, some job action who can keep track. And, uh, one of them had a sign that said, uh, working for peanuts in a peanut free zone. That's really good. That's very, very clever. Yeah. I enjoyed that. And the other was, I was walking past the construction site and this was some graffiti and they had uh it was the there had like a sign up for instructions for the hand sanitizer station yeah you remember the beginning of the pandemic

when it was like how to wash your hands yeah yeah yeah people were sending out like, hey, don't forget to take 30 seconds and wash your hands. Do it like this. Do it like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it had this hand sanitizer station had all these hand diagrams and they had two hands kind of folded over each other. Yeah. And someone had drawn in a penis. Ah, yay.

So someone, you're supposed to be twisting your penis, apparently. With hand sanitizer, of all things. Oh, man. That'd be deadly. Only one way to find out. I mean, you gotta keep

it sanitized, Graham. What are you gonna do? That's true. Hey, everyone, Graham doesn it sanitized, Graham. What are you gonna do? That's true. Hey, everyone, Graham doesn't sanitize his penis. Keep it in that, like, paper wrap like they do at hotels with a toilet paper roll. Graham said the quiet part loud. My overheard is from being at a coffee shop, and the woman working the coffee shop counter. It was clearly her first day or first couple of shifts that she'd been there. And I ordered a coffee. And then for Alicia, who was with me, I ordered a decaf Americano soy misto.

And the woman said to her coworker, I don't know how to do it. It's too many things. Yeah, I don't know how to do it. It's too many things. Yeah, I don't know how to do it. It's very sweet. But it says, like, how do you do that? I don't know how to do it. You know what you should do next time. If you order a coffee for Alicia and they ask your name, you should say, the queen is dead.

And then they'll have to announce it. This is brilliant this could be my way into winning one of the i feel like i'm never gonna win well maybe how do you figure out who wins is there an end no there's no end but you like what how do you lose you when you do it and she knows you're gonna do it yeah like she if she catches it uh before like i haven't i haven't tricked her once and i could let it go and then it would be the end of the back and forth prank but i refuse refuse it feels like you this is one of those little inside games like that one where someone holds their finger open and you have to you have to stick your finger through it.

They make the little okay sign and if you see it and don't stick your finger through it, you're damned to hell for all eternity. Did you ever do anything like that? I remember boys flicking quarters at each other, like at a really high rate of speed. That's not really a prank, but it kind of just went on and on forever.

There was no end point. As long as you had quarters. I guess when you were out of quarters, that was the end of the game. Heidi, were you in a sorority? Do they even have those in Canada? I don't think so. do they even have those in Canada? I don't know.

Uh, yeah, we outlawed them and, uh, in the early 1900s, I would not have gotten in. Um, no, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map.

If you want to send one in, send it into SBY at maximum fun.org. And, this first one comes from daniel c in davis california uh during a performance of book of mormon a bat suddenly started flying around the theater during the intermission the guy behind us earnestly asked the bat part of the show the bat of Mormon? It sounds like you're a barista.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know how. What's a bat? I don't know how to. Oh, that would be great. Oh, yeah. Like. Bat happening? Fuck.

Yeah. Like, just having a bat indoors. It's never happened to me, but I hope. I hope to one day see a bat flying around. Honestly, any animal on stage is great. Oh, yeah. a bat indoors it's never happened to me but i hope i hope to one day see a bad flight honestly any animal on stage is great uh i love it if uh a uh you know the wizard of oz has a real toto yes yeah so good or like annie i've never seen annie but i know there's a dog somewhere yeah yeah have you have either of you seen a production where they use actual animals i've seen this

like war horse count where they've got that like giant horse but it's like i guess it's it looks like a horse but it's a puppet i guess puppets aren't animals i'm gonna say that's no does cavalier count with all the horses is that yeah is that a play is it like got a storyline probably he's got a story i don't know what it is have you it's the thing that's like cirque de soleil and larry king said it was the greatest show he'd ever seen it's like cirque de soleil for horses and that that quote is on all their advertising which is great because yeah if larry king liked it i mean there's i've only seen a few plays and one of them's shen yun oh yeah shen yun i feel like was just about to open in vancouver and then

everything got locked down oh i think it's open i think it's come twice since that oh sure yeah everybody loves it judging by the door knockers in uh my neighborhood ever they someone's passing out do you do you have shen yun in la i don't even know what that is shen yun is a chinese dance uh performance that is also like some kind of cult propaganda oh my god a cult musical i love it yeah that does sound pretty good actually a cult that puts out one musical a year yeah that actually would be good i might join yeah exactly it's uh you guys are doing the musical of uh groundhog Day that sounds great yeah it's good

we all have to sleep in barracks and wear the same shoes but on opening day we will all be transported into a comet this next one comes from Kelly in Silver Spring, Maryland. My eldest son is 15 and attended his first semi-formal dance a few weeks ago

with a mixed group of friends. His two younger brothers were convinced that it was definitely a real date with his girlfriend. I overheard this conversation the night before the dance. 12 year old. So are you excited about the dance? 15 I guess, yeah

Are you excited to kiss your date? I'm not gonna kiss her Not with that attitude, you don't You don't You don't Yeah, I love I was a bratty younger brother once too That's true

You had a lot of opportunity to be a bratty younger brother once too. That's true. You got like, you had a lot of, a lot of opportunity to be a bratty, bratty kid. What about you? Are you only child or siblings or youngest, oldest? Oh,

I'm youngest. I got an older sister. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Did you ever go to a formal? Oh God. I think,

I guess you went to like the prom. I didn't really do anything to her though i was kind of like i was very like obedient to her like i remember when we were kids she would always be like hey uh like go get me like i don't know like a snack or something and i'd be like no and she'd be like i'll time you oh my god i would just always do it no matter what so yeah i never pranked her or anything i kind of like worshipped her yeah my siblings my siblings were like hey dave do you want to make a milkshake and i was like yeah and they'd say make me one too classic but yes i was constantly being timed i didn't know what what a good time was i didn. I don't think they actually were. You just want to be here last time.

I don't remember what it was. Oh, I was slower this time because my socks are so slippery. This last one comes from Pixie in Los Angeles. I was in the CVS pharmacy line waiting to get my COVID booster. The guy in front of me was at the counter, was trying to get his prescription. He was on the older side and seemed to speak limited English or be hard of hearing because there was a good deal of back and forth. He finally handed the pharmacist the single sheet of printer paper he'd been carrying with him. I couldn't see what was on it, but it looked something like a black and white receipt.

The pharmacist said, very clearly exasperated, Okay, this isn't a prescription. We're going to give you your medication this time, okay? But next time you need to bring your prescription. This is nothing. Oh, wow. Ouch. But you could probably go around to every pharmacy and get your if they'll give it to

you one time then you just need to that's true that's how you can uh start your own meth lab yeah get enough ingredients to make meth i don't know how to make meth but i'm not writing it off as a possible career director. Dave, do you have overheards? I guess so. I just wondered if, you know, I was wondering how long we were going down the meth trail. No, it was a short run today. In addition to overheards that are written, and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. Our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Brett from Marietta, Georgia, with an overheard. This weekend I was camping, or this past weekend I was camping with my son, and we were both fishing, and we were out on a dock, and there was an older gentleman sitting on a picnic table by the

lake he was not that far away from us and he got a phone call and he started the conversation oh yeah i'm just sitting here on the uh by a lake with my dog just just having a good day, but yeah, it's still going on. And he said, yeah, it's like this shooting pain, it's like fire that starts right there at the tip of my penis. And I couldn't stop laughing. Unfortunately, my son was pretty occupied by his fishing. But, yeah, it was a nice conversation going on.

Well, it's, you know, you got to tell somebody sometime. Yeah. If that's going on. I just want to know where it ends. If that's where it starts. Yeah. That shooting pain. Oh, yeah.

Does it go through to his spine yeah does it go through my whole body is it like to shoot out the top of my head am i attracting a bird circling now yes yes got this new power for that i mean the downside is this is a shooting pain at the tip of my penis the upside is i'm like electro man yeah yeah i can at the tip of my penis. The upside is I'm like Electro Man. Yeah, yeah. I can shoot things out of my hands as well. I can shoot pain out of my penis.

Oh, my God. Imagine that's your weapon. Zap, zap, zap. Ow, ow. It's shooting pain. It's not harming me, but it's just i'm suffering from shooting pain yeah and like you have to have a costume design with like a trap door that opens like he's cyclops that he's got a weird like

sunglasses on his penis something to keep it yeah is that what happens by the end of the season of the crown the origin story of shooty penis shooty judy penis

here's your next phone call hi dave hi graham hi yes um my name is madeline i'm calling from new york i just walked past uh a psychic trying to get business and she just yelled out i love your aura and then five seconds later she turned to her friend and she was like oh my god I hated her aura oh god yeah no truth in advertising yeah actually I hate her aura oh she walked away man bad aura

I also love that the phone call started with a siren I'm calling from the phone call started with a siren. I'm calling from the first night that Tom Hanks was big. Oh, yes. Scary, scary night. I will take any opportunity to watch a movie that happens in New York in the, like, 70s, early 80s.

I love that era of New York. Everything's filthy and spray-painted all over the subway. I love it. Because it's so clean now new york's very clean yeah giuliani came in and got rid of all the street walkers the porn theater andy warhol that'd be kind of a fun tour if you went to all the like touristy buildings all the different shops and be like this this used to be a porn theater. I was remembering, so it was 10 years ago last month that you and I went to New York. Yeah. And we came up with the idea for our travel show. Do you remember what it was called? No.

What was it called? It was called We're Done Here. Because we were in Times Square and we were walking through and there was a tour happening. And the person leading the tour was like, now listen, do you hear that sound? That's actually an art installation. They've installed this thing that makes noise as the wind from the subway passes through and it makes this noise and i just turned to you and i said we're done here this is the tour of a noise of a noise great yeah and there's like this super like visually stimulating place you can if you listen closely you can hear this dull hum

also we went to the m&m store yes of course we did and i didn't tell you last time i went If you listen closely, you can hear this dull hum. Also, we went to the M&M store. Yes, of course we did. And I didn't tell you, last time I went to New York, my parents were there. My parents had rented an apartment for a few weeks, and I stayed there. And the apartment was in the same building as the M&M store. Oh, my God. That's awesome. Like, it took me a while to read.

she's attached that's awesome like it took me a while to read like i knew it was in times square and i was a little sort of uh discombobulated and then by the end of the week i was like wait a minute is this the same building that's awesome is that then you just get a little bag every time you leave the apartment exactly like a coffee just get out a little bag of eminem i also remember that trip. We went to the M&M's store and it was the greatest place in the world. There was music playing, employees were dancing. They were like directing you up the stairs. Oh, yeah.

We went across the street to the Hershey store and it was so sad and an employee was crying. That's right. And it was so sad and an employee was crying. That's right. Have you been to the M&M's store since they changed the M&M's personalities? They have new M&M's now. Oh, no. That's right.

Now that they're woke. Yeah. I do find it odd because every year they have the commercial with the M&Ms going like, uh, it's Christmas Eve and they see Santa and they're like, he is real. And Santa turns to the M&Ms and goes, they are real. And they all faint. And they all faint. Yeah. And this is before HDTV. I didn't realize that this commercial was so dear to people that we needed to keep it around for 20 years. Apparently.

Yeah. Well, some people, that's all the holiday they can handle is what commercial. Yeah, that's all we have in this world. Here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham and super sexy guests. This is your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham and super sexy guest. This is Rob from Port Angeles. I was just buying

some frozen mice for my ball python, and when I got to the checkout, the cashier said 30 bucks. That's a lot of money for some dead mice. Anyway, off I go. I like that this guy, who was clearly somebody else's overseen, a lot of money for some dead mice. Anyway, off I go.

I like that this guy, who was clearly somebody else's overseen. I was buying frozen mice for my bull python? Is that what he said? Ball python? I don't know every kind of python. I feel like, have you ever gone to somebody's house that they're like a snake person?

Well, Slash. I go to Slash's house from time to time. Alice Cooper, he has one. Britney Spears. Britney Spears, right. Did you know that snake that Britney Spears had is the same snake from Cujo?

Yeah, I feel like there was a guy that used to walk around in vancouver with a snake around his neck and uh instead of a tie he was in business how do i tie this i'm gonna tie my snake it's prom night and i can't tie my snake um what do you think about that when the cashier like comments on how expensive something you're buying is oh my god i i'm always afraid that the cashier is lumping together all of my purchases into some kind of crazy image in their head and uh they don't necessarily tell you but you can tell they're doing math in their head. Like, okay, orange and toilet paper. And there's one box of Chips Ahoy and an Us magazine.

These are the things I typically buy at the grocery store. So he's going to read that magazine on the toilet while he eats an orange. See, you did it very quick. Well, once you have toilet paper it takes you transports you to one room that's right unless april fool's day is around the corner oh sure or whatever the mischief night yeah mischief night or sorority oh yeah weekend rush weekend yes i do like it when the cashier is like oh that's a good price for these thank you very much i'm an astute little shopper i impress the cashier she knows prices she sees she's scanning this stuff all day um well i think that brings us

to the end of this year podcast heidi thank you so much for being our guest oh man thanks for having me this was fun if people want to find uh stuff more stuff about you where where would they go on the internet uh like instagram and like i'm on twitter that's all like at heidi brander i mean i don't know if twitter's even gonna be around who knows, by the time Monday comes around, it's probably gone. I think the Twitter will end up being like New York in the late 70s, early 80s. Oh, yeah. It's going to be a real tough place to be, but like, cool, you know? Yeah, yeah.

A lot of the, like, all the best bands will start there. And it's also like, everybody on there is Travis Bickle. So, it follows. And there's a lot of people who say they're Travis Bickle, but they actually just paid for verification. And thank you everybody out there for listening to the show. Remember, if you have a burn somewhere on your body,

you could be a superhero. And thanks for listening. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.