Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 769 - Pat Thornton

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Comedian Pat Thornton returns to talk baby costumes, drinking soap, and old passwords.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 769 of stop podcasting yourself my name is graham clark and with me as always is a man who just polished off his special babka mr dave shumka yeah my wife shumka babka what'd you say i said shumka babka oh that's fine that's not bad right yeah? Yeah, I guess so. Um, uh, yeah, my wife, uh, got me special birthday babka. Same as the usual babka. There's nothing like birthday about it.

Um. Candles? No, we did have candles in, um, she made a roasty last night. Okay. Uh, which is a Swiss, uh, like, uh, hash brown. Put a Swiss hash brown. Put a candle in that. That's nice. Yeah, well, you know, we go hard.

Yeah, well, a million happy birthdays to you. I hope not. And yours. No, I don't want to live to be a million. Our guest here on the podcast, returning guest here uh fantastically funny uh his television show it's a weekly on the ctv i think uh very very funny man mr pat thornton is here hello hello how we doing tonight we're good okay good god everyone's feeling good friday night yeah it's my friend's birthday

it was yesterday but this is my party night dave did you say roasty roasty i've had that before i didn't know that there was an h sound in there it's roasty i don't know if it is. It might be roasty. It's, it's a boy. I can't call my wife now. She's driving. It's fine. It's fine.

I didn't, but we, uh, she grew up in Switzerland and her dad had to fly through Switzerland like a month ago and stopped at the grocery store in the airport. It brought us back a bag of it. Oh, nice. In a bag of it. Oh, nice.

Comes in a bag. Wow. Are they the same size as a latke or are they giant? Oh, it can be. It's like the size of a frying pan. Whoa, holy shit. Yeah. I love that.

Yeah, yeah, it was good. You mentioned, you introduced Pat, but you didn't say the name of the show that he's on. You said he's on a show. Oh, sorry. The show is named Acting Good. And it's very, I can't wait to watch. I'm waiting until it's all out and then I'll watch it all in one gulp. Because that's the way Breaking Bad, I think, was the last one. I was like, no more watching weekly shows for me for the rest of time. Too stressful? Yeah, and you forget week to week, you know, with all the rest of time. Too stressful? Yeah, and you forget week to

week, you know, with all the stuff going on. What's going on, Graham? War, famine, the typicals. So you forget to watch TV because of famine? Yes, yes, that is correct. But you can binge something? Yeah. Like even with famine?

Oh, but then you should see The Purge uh they purge everything out sure um do we want to get to know us oh sure get to know us pat yeah how are things how are you i'm well i'm well i um i've been in uh i've been making this show for a long time so um been sort of in a tunnel with that and i'm just getting out of it um i moved to the east end of toronto recently and my okay the family and i have our own tiny house uh really yeah yeah isn't that like the most impossible thing in toronto to find something like that you did yeah yeah yeah isn't that like the most impossible thing in toronto to find something like that you did yeah yeah yeah yeah you gotta find help

yeah thanks to my wife's parents we have a house shit yeah thank you wife's parents that rules quick shout out to my wife's parents gwen and harry you're listening thanks again you're you're recording in the kitchen? It looks like you're in the kitchen. Yeah, you're in the kitchen. Nice. How long have you been there for? Since July.

Okay. Okay. I don't know if we've had a kitchen recorder yet. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Not that it's owned up to it. No. And I'm expecting some, like, you you know i want to hear dishes clanking

yeah you do you know oh yeah of course oh you do okay uh i could bang some stuff around i mean like save it for later maybe you gotta have a big closer um and this is weird we have a we have a dishwasher at our new house a tiny one, but I just started using it two weeks ago because I just never, ever had one. And I was just like, I like washing dishes or whatever. Oh, my God. Dishwasher. Do you know about this? Do you guys know about this?

Dishwasher? Yeah, because I'm like very much manually washing dishes now but i do dream i do dream of uh dishwasher do you have a way do you have a certain method that you load it up because people different ways do it different ways you know no i would say that i um that my wife really stuffs it like i uh i'm nervous to stuff it but she'll like it'll look full to me and she'll jam a pan in there and it'll be fine it'll be fine yeah what do you think you're worried to stuff it what do you like is there uh a specific thing that you're worried about going wrong but my brother was killed by a dishwasher oh shit he stuffed it and no um it exploded in his face no i guess i guess i'm just

a nervous guy and everything makes me nervous so i look at a dishwasher and i'm like how much is too much you'll get the natural feel of it the more you do it yeah yeah okay cool once you get in the zone you're like totally you get that dishwasher's high just loading it i want to be in that zone yeah what do you guys use what soap what are you talking about we talk one of those oh yeah hold on one sec hold on okay this is what i was talking about yeah playing around some dishes while you're over there i guess we're going with these cascade pods yeah i was gonna ask if it was pods yeah yeah little pod deal yeah those are beautiful smells good too it does smell i wish you guys could smell this but is it like i'm always afraid like you have to go in with dry hands i'm worried that

like if you get them wet they'll explode and then once it one explodes the whole thing is just going to be a wad a pod wad that's true that's a that's a new fear thank you for that but then i guess you can just scoop you know spoonfuls out into the dishwasher yeah um dave what do you use? You're a pod man? Yeah, we're pods. Sometimes cascade, sometimes finish. Oh, finish. Finish. Yeah.

Finish. Which one do you think performs better? It's so, like, there's so many factors at work. You love all dishwashers, detergents equally. Yeah, I mean, sometimes they both can do bad, they both can do good. I mean, sometimes it's up to the person who loaded them. Here's my stance on loading. Nothing goes sideways. Everything has to be downward.

Right, right, right. Like sometimes my wife will put a bowl in sideways and has to be like downward. Right, right, right. Like sometimes my wife will put a bowl in sideways and I'll be like, but then it'll be a little bit full of water at the end. I know what you mean. I've encountered that. What do you do about it? Don't leave me in suspense, guys. What happens to that drop of water? First, first I scream.

Eventually I pour it out. Yeah, I scream. Eventually, I pour it out. Yeah, I gotcha. Then you do like a little tea towel dry off and away they go. Then we have a quick family meeting. Like, how did this happen? Does everybody come with an agenda for the family meeting? Or is it loose, just throwing some ideas around? Yeah, it's pretty

loose um we definitely let the three-year-old lead it a lot hell yeah yeah three-year-olds have something to say they're unfiltered that's what i love about them they'll just uh i have a nephew who's three and he's just entered the phase where he says why to every single thing that you say and then follow up question why that and is that is your son currently in that department he definitely does a lot of the wise uh today today i took him to to a nursery and we had a long streetcar ride and the whole ride uh was a long form interview with santa claus he um, it was just like, Papa, can you pretend to be Santa? And I'm like, yeah,

okay. Then it's Santa. Were you born in a hospital? Santa, do you have a dog? What's your address at the North pole? That's good. Role playing.

Yeah. Yeah. It was great. And at one point he really like snuggled up to me and, uh, I kissed his head as I tend to do. And then he's like, Hey, can you turn back into Papa for a second?

I was like, yeah. And he's like, does Santa do kisses? And I was like, oh, I don't know. I guess it's been known to happen. If you don't want that to happen again, we won't do that. Yeah, well, he kissed Mommy last year. And it ruined our family um yeah sand is more of a dry hopper uh oh yeah yeah absolutely yeah nothing with the mouth yeah actually it's kind of like uh julia ro Woman. That's right. Yeah.

Santa will do anything. It's pretty funny if you imagine that Pretty Woman scene where she goes to buy a dress and they tell her to get out of there. She comes back later and they have to serve her. But it's Santa both times.

Just imagine that. They kick him out because he looks like Santa. And then they let him back in. Santa Claus. But it's all, it's Santa both times. Just imagine that. So they kick him out because he looks like Santa. And then they let him back in. I'm not letting you buy this dress. And then he comes back in through the chimney. And they're like, oh no, you were Santa

the whole time. Of course you can buy this dress. And you want to buy this big red fur costume? Yeah, he really, like, he doubles down on the hairy stuff. He's got the beard and then he wears a furry costume. It's cold, dude. Yeah, it's for warmth, I think.

Yeah, I guess. But then what happens when he's south of the equator? Is he in shorts and shirt? Or what's the other half? You know, he's pulled up here, sure. Yeah, he's probably in Australia, giving them all, you know, a big egg or whatever. When you think Australia, Pat,

what is the first thing you think of? Well, now it's big egg. Big egg. Okay, me too. Three eggs. Okay, good. what is the first thing you think of well now it's big egg big egg okay me too three three eggs okay the land of the big egg yeah that's that's what they call sydney like it's not the big apple but it's called the big egg um are you uh you having to travel for the holidays? Did you do anything for the holidays or is it just, uh, another dishwasher night?

Every night's a dishwasher night, but, um, yeah, no, we don't travel that much. Uh, see my family a little bit. We go to, um, my wife's family's place on Boxing Day now. So we'll do Christmas Day at my house. And we'll just stay here because this is where Santa comes. That's true. Yeah, be weird if Santa's right now. I just want to keep the kid here for that. And I'm thinking I'm going to make hamburgers on Christmas. Oh, my God.

Trying to figure out our own traditions and stuff. And I'm like, everyone does sausage rolls or turkey or whatever, and I just want to make some good burgers. Nice. I never even thought about this, that you could take Christmas to a different food level, because it's just always turkey or some places ham and some places goose apparently sausage rolls i'm hearing for the first time oh yeah yeah that's what uh uh my wife's british family they all do sausage

rolls uh yes the british oh do they have the pudding at the end it's a big on pudding figgy if I recall. Yeah, but I don't really get what their pudding is, man. It's just like a sticky cake, right? Yeah. Yeah. We had ours with hard sauce, which I don't recall what that was. Hard sauce?

Yeah. It was called hard sauce. I think it was just like very dry, like icing sugar and a little bit of water. That's great. Barely a sauce. Yeah. I think if I was a kid, I'd be into a little bit of water. Like that's a great. Yeah. Barely a sauce. Yeah. I think if I was a kid, I'd be into that in a big way.

That's just like two. It's a simple flavor and it pours really slowly. So it's fun. What are British people doing with pudding? Did one of them stick their thumb in it or something? Yeah. I'll take my answer off the air. I'm going to hang hang up i'm driving um your your wife's folks live in town i assume you're not flying or anything like no they live in town they uh they actually just moved downtown so they're a lot

closer than they were is east vancouver like, what is, I don't know. East Toronto, sorry. East Toronto. Where is it? What's kind of like a local landmark of where the east side is? So anything east of Yonge is east. Okay. And we tend to make a, I don't know how it is in Vancouver, but we tend to make a i don't know how it is in vancouver um but we tend to make

a really big deal about the west and east sides uh yes like people who grow up on the west they're like i'm never going east man i'm never doing it and then uh and i don't know why you know we spent more than 30 years in Toronto, I guess. Close to 30 years in Toronto. In the West End, before I made the move to the East End. And we just did it because there was a house we could buy over here. And is it everything's backward over there?

Like, you walk in the door and you say bye? No, no, it all works. It all works, you know? Everything works the way it's supposed to work it's not there aren't ghosts around like it's it's not as crazy as everyone thought it was it's just another part of town the biggest difference is they have dishwashers on the east side yes i had never seen one in the west you've you have a small child and i run into this this is my big issue with dishwashers is i can't wait for my kids to outgrow uh plastic everything plastic like

oh yeah yeah uh it's just like you come out of the dishwasher it's all soaking wet and then you try it off tea towels still I do tea towels actually sometimes I put on a white t-shirt and I dry it off in a white t-shirt and then you do like a wet t-shirt contest yeah it's not a contest if there's only one person at the day

even when I enter it it's not a contest because it's not even close man I'm cleaning up at these things that's uh like talking about east and west toronto in calgary where i grew up uh north and south never you would never go to the north for anything and people in the north would ever go to the south there's they've got equal of the things in their part of the city there's no reason to go to this one or that one yeah except for a drive-in there's one drive-in that's, or drive-through, rather, that's delicious.

And we would go north for that. What is it? It's called Peter's Drive-In. It's just like a simple burgers, shake, fries. It's been there since the 60s. Oh, so like a Christmas dinner. Yes! That's what I'm saying!

It's such a great idea. Vancouver is weird. Like, when I was a kid, I lived on the west side, and the east side was like war-torn, like, Beirut. As far as I was concerned. It was like the scariest place in the world. But now they're all the same. Yeah.

the scariest place in the world but now they're all the same uh but it was like vancouver has the in vancouver the east side the east end and east vancouver are all the same thing but the west side the west end and west vancouver are three completely different things how's that for a fun fact well fun as hell yeah it was pretty fun yeah okay I'm going to hang up I'll just listen to the rest of the show off the air yeah it's you were in Toronto for 30 years you were born somewhere

else I was born just outside Toronto in Mississippi actually I was born in kingston ontario but i never ever lived there my parents were on vacation when i was born oh yeah they were staying at my grandmother's house and uh because i was really late and then they figured that i hey and then i came all of a sudden um tell me about it man i have the same problem and then uh i grew up in mississauga which is just that's okay and it's wild because i uh i've always been the black sheep of the family just because i went like 15 minutes down the highway you know what i mean like i like i like my whole family turned on me because they all lived in a five minute radius in Mississauga. And we're like, who's this guy? Yeah.

He doesn't stand up for our Mississauga values. What's Mississauga like? Because I when I order packages, they all seem to go through Mississauga. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real package place. It's weird.

It's weird. I'm sure Mississaissauga is fine but i deeply hate it um what was uh just a regular boring uh suburb but like i don't know man my whole life i was just itching to get out so bad like let me go down the highway 15 minutes, please. Yeah. We just hung out in Tim Horton's parking lots in high school. Like, it was, there was nothing to do. Yeah. 7-Eleven parking lots for myself. Dave, what kind of parking lot do you hang out in? Oh, Sears.

Yeah, Sears. Oh, I knew you were a Sears guy. Yeah, sorry. I don't think I ever hung out in parking lots no oh no i'm sorry dave what do you do there smoke yeah you could smoke you could try skateboard tricks yeah i wasn't smoking i was just doing a lot of leaning on cars yeah i mean like oh is there nothing got nothing going on tonight huh oh just this hey a lot of that yeah dancing's not legal still in our small town yeah i like and would people like invite you to the parking lot like how would you know And would people invite you to the parking lot?

How would you know? You would drive around a few different places to see if anyone was out doing anything, and you'd usually land at the Tim Hortons and you'd find another car of teens. Yeah. They're like, hey, that's still nothing, huh? That's still nothing? Let's make our cars kiss

yeah but a team can at least you had a car if you knew somebody that had a car or you had a car you've had a certain amount of freedom that if you were walking distance to everything that's rough stuff I'll tell you how bored we got we went through a

a shortish phase where uh something we would do is drive to a mall parking lot pick up all the garbage put it in our car drive it over to another mall parking lot and throw it out throw it out like throw it back? Like throw it back into... Just throw it back on the ground. Just transplant it. We thought that was so funny. I don't know why. It is.

But we did it for a while. Yeah. Oh man, you may have accidentally started a real rivalry between these two malls. So funny. It's like a kind of stupid thing like planking or the ice bucket challenge. It's like people are garbage transplanted.

Well, it's funny because if you came across us while we were picking up the stuff, you'd think we were pretty good kids. Totally. But if you caught us on the other side, you'd think, no, we're bad. You're only half bad because you cleaned up one parking lot at the very least. Yeah, I mean, we just moved the garbage around. I do love the idea like the security guard picking up a piece of litter off the ground and being like orange julius but we don't have an orange julius uh yeah yeah yeah yeah so were you the driver or were you friends with somebody who could drive i was friends yeah nice yeah yeah yeah it. Yeah. Yeah. And you know,

you're driving around and probably the most dangerous vehicle around, like totally not roadworthy, but yeah. Actual holes on the floor in one of my buddies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It could touch the road with your foot.

If you want it, if you want it, you don't have to do it Flintstone style. It was up to you. And I would. I would put my foot through, see if my shoe comes off or something like that. Probably break my leg if I did. That's what, when you buy a new car and they

want to upsell you to the undercoating, that's what that's for. Is to protect. Yeah, so I guess for both. that's what that's for is to protect yeah also if i guess yeah can we cork your car um so when you moved to toronto did your family they were like we never want to see you again yeah don't talk to me um i have no son yeah pretty much pretty much i mean i started doing uh comedy pretty shortly after i moved to the city and then um why can't you do that in mississauga we have plenty of funny people in mississauga yeah and then anytime i've wanted them to come see me in the city it was

to get some people to see a comedy show and uh so they hated me pretty quickly oh yeah that's true that goes for family and friends come to this it's good come to this i'm not good yet yeah and also like some of the other people on the show have some pretty weird politics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially the early open mics that you're doing.

Oh my God. There's some garbage. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, and I love, I love a supportive parent, but you're right.

They have to get a little time to become good. You don't want to be able to showing up on like the 15th time you've done it or something like that. But sometimes there are that kind of comedian who are like inviting people to come see them their first time they do it that's true i never i never worked up to that level where you ever invite a person i would i would like to perform for strangers forever yeah it's better it is better

Pat a lot of people may not know that the 24 hour stand up comedy thing I did that was originated by Pat you did a bunch of times out in Toronto yeah that's right and you loved it how was it for you did you feel like any long-term side effects from standing that long oh i got sick every time uh like my body just shut down

after every time there's i think there's just no getting around it but the um uh and my knees hurt a lot the first year and then uh but then i got the like pads that they put behind the bar uh that like bartenders stand on um yeah and put one of those on the stage and that helped a lot that was the same thing for me you told me about it yeah yeah that's beautiful and it worked and it's uh in my kitchen still so i get a little soft batting when i do the dishes you guys old school old school dishes um but yeah it's uh you how many times did you do that so i did it did i do it six years in a row and then one other time or five years in a row and then one other time

still that's quite a track. It's either six or seven times. I'm going to have to actually check on that. But, yeah, I did it a lot of times. I think six. Six. And did you have anybody who, there was a contingent at the one that I did of people that would stay the whole time. They, like, get prepared to sleep and then, yeah, stay the whole time they like yeah prepared to sleep and then

yeah stay the whole time they brought meals and stuff like that uh yeah yeah oh yeah i had a lot of that it was it was great it was uh what a wild trip that yeah and that big was yeah you've done it for the last time that was a couple years ago i wanted to bring it back one time because um i wanted to do with my son so we i i spent about three hours of the uh uh wearing him on my front oh yeah he was that small yeah yeah he was really small at that point was he where would you was he facing out or facing in facing out yeah we never had that for ours. We had a hand-me-down Baby Bjorn, and we never sprung for the outward-facing one.

Oh, yeah. Well, you have pictures of her on your phone. You can be like, this is what she looks like, in case anybody's wondering. Now, your son, one of canada's most beloved child because tell tell everybody about the awesome thing that you did you and larry did yeah he was a lockdown champion yeah so the first um right at the beginning of the of the original lockdown i guess the beginning of the pandemic when we were

all told to go home two weeks um which turned into months um two months and then it was over we spent a hundred days uh every day putting up a new picture of larry that um dressed him as like celebs or uh or fictional characters or whatever my wife is uh maggie is truly amazing at craft work and uh so she made all the costumes she made a hundred costumes for him and uh yeah and they dress like everybody like uh like the queen and um like freddie mercury john candy Freddie Mercury, John Candy, anybody. It was Roberto Bondar. Yeah, yeah. I have, so the hashtag is, the hashtag Larry looks, right? And, well, seems to be

mostly Harry Styles for some reason. There's a few of your child, I see baylor ginsburg oh yeah elton john that's gonna be like the most fun thing for larry when he gets older like when he gets past the fact that he's embarrassed by everything his parents do once he gets past that that would be such an amazing thing that you would have done that's so cool i think so too a lot of people uh like we dressed them like many women and a lot of people uh would make comments or leave comments because there were some articles about it and there was the comment section were brutal but a lot of people were like this kid's gonna hate you when he figures out that you dress him like a woman all these times

and i'm like we're not raising a son that's going to hate that. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? He's not going to come from this environment and be like, what? And just be like misogynist and a homophobe and all that stuff. I just

don't see it. No, I don't think so. And I think someday should he ever wed, you'd show that on slideshow? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. During the difference. The answer. That's a guarantee.

Yeah. That's fun. That's fun. You've already got half of your wedding duties all out of the way. Yeah. I'm pretty relaxed about his wedding at this point. I got some time to do some odds and ends but got a few things to pick up yeah yeah did you uh pat yeah your wedding did you do a slideshow of baby pictures no but my wedding was a uh we got married in a park and then our reception was at comedy bar

so our our wedding was basically a comedy show like everyone did speeches and uh friend bob kerr hosted it and uh it was just really a a show my wife did 25 minutes and she murdered. Really? Yeah. Oh my god, that's amazing. I mean, it was a very friendly audience, but it was great. Just making fun of all our bridesmaids. Yeah, don't get me started on Rebecca. Holy shit. Yeah, I had a friend who had a bunch of comics at his wedding once and i told the mc to start by

saying so is anybody celebrating anything and uh i thought it was pretty clever didn't use it and the rest of his set in the toilet so yeah he blew that he blew yeah he blew it he's not going to get invited to mc anymore weddings which is what everybody loves to do i have a cousin who's like uh who asked me to to um perform at his wedding and wanted me to just roast his wife uh and i was like absolutely not, no, dude, she loves mean humor. Just roast her. I'm like, I don't even know her. I'm going to just like, just like look at a picture of her and write down all the meanest things I can think. No.

Yeah. Yeah. What are these glasses? We have glasses in this photo. What the hell are you trying to see? Rebecca, Rebecca, it's rebecca again i'm from the bridesmaid party i do love a cousin's wedding because it's like i i haven't seen my cousin in years but i'm invited and i've maybe met their spouse twice

yeah yeah and then you're just hanging out on the periphery meeting uncles and such there was a my cousin got married one of my cousins got married last week and oh congrats hey thanks um boy cousin marnie no it's marnie's sister oh my sister okay this is ali uh but there was a um good there was a like most of the reception was just trivia like it was like get out your phone there's like a trivia game happening uh and it was all about the couple and i was like i've only met him like three times yeah but i did pretty well there's like sometimes it's just like well the answer's been c three times in a row it can't be see again and did whoever won did they get something first yeah there was there was some i i i didn't win so i don't know um that because you had your

reception at comedy bar was there cake did you do big wedding cake we did we did a um not a huge one. We supplemented it by getting like 100 Portuguese tarts. Nice. But yeah, we had a little cake and I had Lego figures of Superman and Lex Luthor on the cake. Nice. Lex Luthor in his big mechanical suit trying to kill Superman. That was my cake. Was that a meaningful thing in your relationship only to me i would say yes but only me

oh yeah man that's fantastic that's uh dave's wedding when i went to it there was a cake there right you did the cake or did you do cupcakes? No, you did a cake Have you been to one that does cupcakes? Great You can take as many cupcakes as you want Oh, hi Oh, Larry's here

It's Larry! Larry, everybody, oh my god Oh, Larry doesn't care Larry's not a listener to our podcast, he's more of a Larry, everybody. Oh, my God. Oh, Larry doesn't care. He's got... Larry's not a listener to our podcast. He's more of a... The Rogan guy? Yeah, he's a...

He's a Rogan guy, yeah. Well, you got to get him started early. When he's as bald as Rogan, that's where you want to build in some trust and you know rogan fan i was born you know made a rogan fan i loved him on news radio and everything he's done since fear factor and it was good stuff absolutely yeah i have a uh a neighbor right now who likes to um just just blast podcasts about crypto in his backyard. In his backyard.

Just like he brings a stereo out there and he turns it all the way up. And I don't know why. Wow. Is he like just sitting there or is he washing his car to it? Yes, I watched him build something one day while he was listening to it. But sometimes he's just sitting there. Are they is do you absorb anything from it because it seems like it's been a bad year for crypto but i feel like if you had a podcast about crypto you'd just be telling people no good year for crypto i should probably hey, get into crypto. Hey, yes, hey, guys, stick with crypto.

Yeah, no, I haven't absorbed anything. It all seems so alien to me. I don't. Me too. I feel like crypto is for people that have no other economic sense. This is their first foray into investing is crypto. Is there a simple answer for why it has a scary name? Why does it have crypt right in there what's going on um yeah it's it's well the crypt keeper from tales from the crypt is was it early investors yeah i never watched that did you what? What, the Crypt Keeper?

Tales from the Crypt? Yeah. I've seen it, yeah. Yeah. It was too scary for me. Mm, yeah. But he's funny, right? He's funny, yeah.

He's scary, but once you get past his looks, he's great. He's a real nice guy. He laughs like a crazy person. And the show's good. It was one of those serial shows where it was a different lineup every week. You know, you might see a lesser Baldwin on there,

that kind of thing. If you're looking for that. Do you watch Crypt Keeper, Pat? I watch some of it, yeah. Yeah, I can't remember very much. I guess it was like a like a Twilight Zone type deal? Yeah, I can't remember very much. I guess it was like a Twilight Zone type deal? Yeah, totally.

Like an anthology series where just something creepy happens, right? Yes, yeah. And are you a fan at all of horror movies or creep entertainment? I'm not a big horror movie guy, no. Okay, what's the level what are we talking here is it like you know what uh what series i love is the final destination series because they're so silly but they're like yeah but it is really fun to see like how are they gonna die in the end i love it i mean something is coming for them and it's not even a bad guy

it's just the universe coming for them yeah yeah it's just a ball falling in a spring and is it always like um because i i've seen little bits of them but is it like something like kind of foreshadowing earlier in the movie and you're like oh that tanning bed's gonna get her or is it just like every scene you're like it could be that it could be that it could be that yeah it's the second way yeah there are things that look like they're they could do it yeah they they really want you to think oh they're gonna die right here but then they don't die for 10 minutes my favorite one was some like there was like a gas explosion that sent a like um like a a fence flying at a guy, and then the fence sliced him in half.

My favorite is, there was a guy there, a couple of the people are sitting at a drive-thru, and a truck loses control, is bearing down the head. You're like, well, they're going to get hit by the truck. It hits a tree, or something like that, hits a bar, and then the engine comes out of the truck and lands in the back of the car and chops the guy's head off with oh yeah i remember that it is kind of like we graham and i watch a lot of mr bean and like you see you see mr bean

walk into a you know a waiting room you're like okay what are the gags gonna be but it's all just like instead of jokes it's possible deaths yes yeah mr bean would be great in a final destination movie oh my god because then you'd be playing both games you'd be like oh what's he gonna do and how's he gonna die yeah you feel like he could he could uh outdo death because he's doing stuff in such a peculiar way that even yeah the universe doesn't know how to do it yeah something like there's a random bullet flying through the air but it gets stuck in the turkey on his head does mr b never fire a gun not to my knowledge but i haven't seen all of them lately. So maybe there's a, he, are you kidding me?

If he went to a gun range, are you, that's so many things could go wrong. Send them to a gun range. Um, yeah, I'm a huge fan of the, uh,

final destination. One of them was in 3d. I remember cause watching it, not in 3d, there was always stuff flying towards the camera. Yeah, I love those movies, man. Yeah, so that level or less scary is kind of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, like, there are, like, slasher films and stuff where I just... I find it boring. I don't find it very scary. Right. Snooze. Yeah, just at my gym. Yeah, he's just singing his head off over here. Oh, what's he singing?

What's the tune? He has an original song called Marble Marble. Hold on, maybe. Larry. Larry. he singing what's the tune he's got he has an original song called marble marble hold on maybe larry larry can you come sing your song into this microphone no no they want to hear your song no he's shy that's fine that's fine yeah the main thing i lose like you need to really kind of lose your cool now that's my parenting advice is lose your cool okay no I need you to get him

um the main uh part of the song is marble marble I don't want to leave you on the streetcar. He's been saying that a lot. It's really good. It's a banger.

It's really good. And it's got a story. It's really kind of like, yeah, it's very, it seems like it's a hundred year old song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's an old standard. Yeah. Yeah. And then you find out it was originally about the plague

a lot of people don't know marble marbles yeah right here right here oh yeah he won't do it he doesn't do requests and I admire that in a performer he's not gonna

he's not gonna play ball well, he does not do requests. He's not going to play ball. Well, you know what? If you happen to catch him singing it sometime, send it our way. Send it as a WAV file. You can't get Larry for just $100, you know what I mean? No. Okay, just eating pizza?

No problem. Nice. Pizza, pizza. I don't want to leave you at the pizza plates. Dave, that was good. I'm kind of the weird Al of Larry. It's not paying out very much yet,

but, um, uh, getting in early. Did Larry ever dress up as weird Weird Al Yankovic? Was that one of the... No, no. Okay, all right.

No. Maybe some Halloween in the future. It's totally up to you, but... Yeah, yeah. We don't want to pressure you into this, but... I mean, I don't need it, but if you guys could, yeah. Dave, what's going on with you man well we were talking about parenting and losing our cools i i like i remember growing up i feel like the big cultural like fatherhood thing

was like a dad would step on a skateboard and fall down and just get aggravated uh or like you know you trip on your kid's stuff going down the stairs and that was the role of a dad in culture was to be mad oh yeah it's true i i have found that that is not the case in real life. But I had something like my kids just like they'll leave stuff on the floor, but I can see it. Like maybe the previous generation's fathers just didn't watch where they were stepping. they were stepping uh but i ran into something like uh last week that was like that kind of like unexpected aggravation um i was so i woke up at like two in the morning and my five-year-old was screaming and we talked a few weeks ago like we had a guest who in their childhood they had growing pains and i had growing pains.

Like not everyone has this, but like you'll just be like bones are stretching. Yeah. Your bones are stretching and you're just like your joints will just suddenly hurt so much. Yeah. I'll say something. I'll say something. Oh, Larry's back. Larry wants to say something.

Okay. Here, here. Hi, Larry. Hi. Hi, Larry's back. Say something. Okay. Here, here. Hi, Larry. Hi. Hi, Larry. Santa has a dog named Present. Santa has a dog named Present? Yeah.

Is that? Wow. Santa has a dog named Present. Yeah. Dude, is that something we learned from our role playing today? Yeah, yeah. that came up in the interview yeah and does santa have a dog yeah what's his name i don't know present yeah you got it yeah yeah and then 30 years in the future and that's how i named the dog and that's how i've

written this award-winning book um so you're growing pains we all had them yeah but did you have them graham yeah in the shin really really feeling stretching so poppy woke up screaming at two in the morning and i go to a room and i was like do you want some medicine and it's a cool time to give your kid medicine because the shelves are full of it these days. But I went and I went back to the bathroom and poured her a little thing of medicine. And while she was drinking it, I was like, oh, I'll just, I'll go to your bathroom and I'll get you a little, I'll get you some water. Because they have two cups of water. She and her sister have two cups of water by the sink. And so I poured a little cup of water, brought it back to her.

She started drinking it. She said, why does this taste like soap? And I was like, what? Oh, I'm sorry. And so I take it back to the bathroom. I pour it out and I just like, the light's been off this whole time. And so I turn the light on and I'm like i the light's been off this whole time and so i turn the light on i'm like okay i'll just rinse this out because apparently there was some soap in it and i'm rinsing it and it is just suds and suds and suds and it just will not stop like filling up with like it was like they were it was like half full of soap or something. Like you didn't crack one of those pods on the edge and just like... Yeah, like an egg. Yeah.

And then, so I was like, well, I'll use your sister's cup. So I poured water into that and I was going to bring that over to her. And I was like, before I bring that over to her, i'll just take a sip to make sure this doesn't have soap in it and i took a sip and it was the most horrible taste i've ever tasted in my life i don't know if you've drank soap before yeah accidentally but yes yeah but this was like at two in the morning having been woken up from a dead sleep and then like taking a shot of soap. And I discovered that my daughters had been just like playing with shampoo. Just pouring cups of shampoo.

Yeah. So I felt like that was my most like, what the hell is it? Like, this is my aggravated dad. Yeah. The, uh, is like, what do you tell them? them like don't just don't do that anymore it was also

like two in the morning i'm like well like i'm i can't like yell at them like hey wake up i'm mad but can you save some of that residual anger and really have a a tete-a-tete the next day yeah no it was like uh hey uh let me tell you what i did last night one of those stories but it was also just like i couldn't afterwards i was just like wide awake i could not get back to sleep and i was like am i gonna be sick did i as you drank soap yeah they're just all juiced up on soap i'm so totally soaped up on juice um have you did you ever drink soap pat is that part of your because i did i totally did my mistake so but did you ever do it like for swearing uh oh yeah yeah i definitely had one of those moms i've at least once a soap was just put in my mouth

like a bar or liquid a bar a bar that's that's wild because i always assumed that was something that just went out of style i don't know why it doesn't seem that horrible a thing to do if you're a kid swearing all over the place. Did it work, Pat? No! Dirty language isn't the same thing as dirt. That's true. Metaphorically cleaning. It took people a long time to figure that out. But yeah, it didn't...

I was never a big swearing guy growing up. In fact, I remember that I did not swear and then saved swearing until the last day of grade 8. And then I yelled at somebody and everyone was like, and I'm not going to say it right now, actually.

Oh, you want me to tell them that you lined up your monster trucks on the table? No, there's only two. Okay. So there's only two? There's two monster trucks and an ambulance on the table. Okay. Well, yeah, you're probably going to need the ambulance after that.

After these monster trucks come out. Okay, he wants you to see the ambulance. There it is. Nice. No, I mean, take your time with it. Those are big. That's a big monster truck. It's an Iron Man monster truck. Big. Oh, man. Does it zip around?

No. I don't think so. Dave, were you fascinated by big machines when you were a youth? Yeah, there was a big monster truck named Bigfoot during my youth that I liked quite a bit. And then it's like it disappeared.

Like every time I heard people talking about monster trucks in the 90s, it was like the Bigfoot from the 80s never existed. It was all Gravedigger and Undertaker. Yeah, that's true. I remember Bigfoot was a big deal. Huh? Was that at the Tacoma Dome? No, I don't do that. tacoma oh man pat's in trouble yeah he's arranged them a certain way on purpose pat

um um but yeah so uh that was my most angry dad moment. But the kids learned nothing from it. This is an unteachable moment. Yeah, yeah, this is one of those. Dad's just mad for some reason. He won't say why. Dad woke up mad. I'm glad we're going to school today because i don't

want to be around them uh what's going on with you graham oh very little very little i assure you um but what i did this week is i got myself a new phone got a new phone landline uh yeah it's one of those clear ones where you can see all the oh cool i want to get one of those hamburger phones like uh juno yes hamburger phone garfield phone is high on the list uh there's an elf phone if i recall correctly um no i bought a new phone because my other one was slowly dying it was still working but but it was hard to get it to charge up. So I was like, okay, I'm going to buy a new phone and ordered one from a refurbished seller.

And then I got it. I was like, oh, this is great. I got my new phone. And then I went to go set it up, and I was missing one thing, a password to, to whatever the image, like to your Apple account. So it was like,

okay, just need, that's all I need. And then it'll just set up itself. And, uh, so that's an, uh,

email I haven't used in, let's say 11, 12 years. Oh, is that your Apple email? Yeah. So I don't know what the password, I couldn't even guess of what the password was 11 years ago okay so 2011 okay what was popular at the time

like the aztecs predicted that 2012 would be the last year on earth yeah that was a big one but yeah I couldn't remember that and it sent me on a Mr. Toad's wild ride of everything I've ever done online and was it like it sounds like um uh

it's a wonderful life like an angel led you through your online past and like uh the you know i didn't know what that that email so it said well you can send it to this email account i was like well i don't know what the fucking password for that is either that's another one that i haven't used in about the same amount of time i'm guessing these are hot mails these are hot mails this is two hot mails absolutely um and so then i had to what do i have to do that i was able to send that somewhere and then bounce it off of there to get it to my current email so then i finally got it went and unlocked all the things and i went to put it in.

And they were like, wrong password. OK, OK. Send, send, forgot password, send it over. And it said email or phone. And I was like, well, phone will be easier. And the phone number they came up with is like blocked out except the last two digits. A phone I haven't had for about 11 years. i'm up with is like blocked out except the last two digits a phone i haven't had for about 11 years this is my the phone number for my grandma's retirement home yeah and then like uh you got to

uh like chart i had to charge this one that was dying so i had like a computer that looked like uh it was intensive care like there were just wires all over the place and like et yeah like cryptic uh notes to see which passwords it might have been uh and then did you uh 2011 i'm thinking 2011 passwords this must have been something lmfao related oh yeah that's what it was it was red foo um yeah so and then the it used to be like you had to like plug it in get the backup information on your computer then put it on the phone now you just point the phones at each other and they just they just take care of business oh really yeah do they have

to like you grind them together a little yeah you gotta make kissy sounds but yeah you just aim it there's like a circle you aim it with your camera and then they just start syncing up uh i didn't know that i thought that this was all you thought you had to email the past yeah i had to go back the past i would have i wouldn't have known that either um when you said that there was something missing on your new phone i thought you're gonna be like yeah i went to type something and the keyboard didn't have a j yeah i uh um i'm glad to have it i'm glad to have a new phone what number what uh what number are you at guys i got myself an iphone 11 nice nice nice what do i have what do you got pat what are you rocking i think i'm rocking a 10 10 the x that's pretty good i'm a i'm an 11 pro 11 pro I think I'm 11 just average. Here's the thing that I noticed as well that other phones don't have,

but this one has the cameras like out a millimeter from the camera or the iPhone itself, so you can't balance it. So you have to buy a case. Oh. It doesn't work properly. I'll get you a case, bud. And there's a guy. i got a good guy in the mall he's got a kiosk in the mall yeah look to me you go to my case guy yeah i went to your

case guy worker yeah he had some really good stuff uh he put the protective glass on it for me oh yeah yeah yeah this uh any bubbles in there when he did it oh Oh, no. It went so smooth. It was like smoothing it out a little. Did you ever see someone with tinted windows in the back and it's just full of bubbles? And you're like, what was... Why did you want this? I guess just to tint the window, just to make it darker. But you were in a big hurry when you did it?

Yeah. They were on the run. Yeah, that's right. We need this right away. Cause we're, yeah, we're escaping a robbery or something like that.

Maybe they were just banking that it was so tinted. You couldn't see the bubbles. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Um, but if you don't know, you know that you're supposed to smooth it out with

every part if you're just if you're dumb think about that dave if you're dumb like oh i didn't think about that i was just being too hard on this person i should have realized so no maybe dumb yeah maybe dumb i thought you suck but you turns out you're stupid yeah you're stupid and shouldn't hold that against you so did you get a nice new heavy tint on your phone yeah it's uh I can barely make it out you can't see anything here

it's a two way mirror so I can't see it but it can see me do I think you guys do you have a like face recognition on your phone? I'm very, do you like it? Is it good? You can't get rid of it.

You have to like it. Oh, once you turn it on, you, you have to have it. I don't think it'll let you not turn it on. Oh shit. Like there were years when I didn't need anything to open my phone. You could just reject, like, I don't want to put in a code. Right. No one's going to steal my phone.

It's always in my pocket. Does your phone, if it gets rattled around, count down to making an emergency call? Is that a feature on? Well, let's see. Shut up. No. No. let's see no no sometimes I will like realize I've left something on and I'm

in the middle like I'm so close to calling an ex yeah the 13 I think does that if it gets jostled around it will say like calling a emergency services in five you've been so jostled yeah um but jostling is a part of everyday life yeah i'm twerking can i twerk do you guys have um phone numbers that you um that your phone will randomly like call if you like in a butt dial situation there's one phone

number a guy that I worked with in 2014 and like a few times a year my phone calls him you know yeah see how it's been going yeah I can't at all figure out why it's like that's the number that it picks

or that I, like, keep, like, stumbling on in my pocket. I don't know. But, like, yeah, I've never spoken to him on the phone. We'll start calling him, and then I'll hang up. Yeah. So, like, I wonder what he thinks. Or maybe he doesn't even have my number saved, and it doesn't matter if it's me doing it.

I don't know yeah but uh but let's go with that this is the best case scenario do you know when you ever call like do you ever um accidentally call someone and then you oh you make a mistake and you're like you're like oh i didn't mean to call this person you hang up and they call you back and they're like uh yeah you called yeah i've been i've been that guy why you ever, if someone calls you and they don't leave a message, why would you ever call them back? You got up scot-free. Yeah, I'm not calling them back.

No. They're like, oh, the phone call is over. Great. Yeah. I had that happen to me the other day. I had a phone call, but it was full all the way to voicemail, and I didn't check the voicemail, so then I called back. And the person was mortified because it was a butt dial

and didn't want to talk to me at all. We get the occasional butt dial through our podcast phone number, 1-844-779-7631. And when I download all the calls,'ll notice that like maybe once every three months we get a five minute message that's just someone walking around and I listen to them all

um you guys want to move on to some overheards? speaking of overheards let's move on to some overheards I'm Jordan Cruciola the host of Feeling Seen where we talk about the movie characters that make us feel seen. And I'm the show's producer, Marissa. Jordan, you've interviewed so many directors, actors, writers, film critics, and I like to play this little game where I take

a sip of coffee every time someone says, that's such a great question. That's such a fabulous question. Or they tell you how smart you are. I think that you are rather brilliant. And of course, the big one is when they cry unexpectedly how smart you are. I think that you are rather brilliant. And of course the big one is when they cry unexpectedly. Jordan, I don't want to cry on your podcast. I wasn't expecting to cry. I mean, it makes me kind of want to cry. Feeling Seen comes out every Thursday

on MaximumFun.org. Listen already. What are you waiting for? Jordan, that's such a great question. Hal Lapland here with breaking news on a revolutionary form of entertainment, professional wrestling. For more, we go to our correspondent, Danielle Ranford. Professional wrestling is the craze that's sweeping the nation, featuring fisticuffs and colorful costumes. But who can help us make sense of this world of body slams? Lindsay Kelk has the answer.

Sources tell us of an amazing podcast called Tights and Fights, filled with discussions of the absurdity of professional wrestling, plus all the sincerity and hilarity that you could shake a stick at. Listen to the Tights and Fights podcast every week. Find it on Maximum

Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. And your old-timey radio. Overheard. Overheards. Now that sounds like a lot of fun. And you're right. You know what? You're right. It is. It's a lot of fun. If you hear something out there in the world, we want you to bring it here

and give it to us as a gift uh and you can do that at spy at maximumfund.org and we always like to start with the guest pat do you have an overheard yeah i i have a few and i'll just uh if that's okay but uh i'll just drop one right now today uh my wife and i were at the mall i don't recommend and um was wait was there garbage in the parking lot and whose garbage did it look like no i was i took care of that um and they had this like a huge lineup uh in the middle of the mall and we were like what's this for and then uh there was like a little booth where they were handing out milk. Just little bottles of like Fairlife milk or something. And I just couldn't believe this lineup.

And there was a woman going around asking people if they want to get in the line. And I just heard this man go, what? For milk? No, no milk no no no no no no no in my day lines made sense yeah i mean that is like a classic sign that the economy is bad yeah people are lining up for it man they don't know where to get it um yeah it's uh i love i love a giveaway i love i love when you're walking somewhere and you see all these people with a thing and you're like oh giving them out like there's one time i went and everybody was carrying around a box of honeycomb cereal i was like well there's too many people. This couldn't be a coincidence that this many people...

Were they full-size boxes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not those little guys. The real deal. It's pretty good, right? Pat, you said have more than one, or should we go around the horn and get back to you? We can go around, yeah. Yeah, let's go around. I want to know what is like... Because honeycomb is a cereal that is like it's not the upper echelon of like a

yummy cereal right but it's also it's not like what am i trying to say it's not it was a raisin brand great but it's also like like, who wants Honeycomb? It's sort of in the same echelon as, like, Apple Jacks. Well, that's why they have to give it away every once in a while, because people forget about it. Then they're like, oh, yeah, that's okay. It's like Alphabet as well. I think Alphabet and Honeycomb might be the same thing in a different shape.

I think you're right. I think they're both spongy, crunchy. That yeah a bit of honey on there yeah yeah and what who's the who's the mascot for honeycomb is it something like explorer guy yeah an explorer guy okay yeah that's what i was gonna say like an adventurer yeah like a well like an indiana jones type yeah like they probably wanted to be but had already been taken or someone was like a comb we were like we couldn't get honey so yes lean into the comb part yeah i wonder if yeah i wonder if it was after indiana jones that they were like well we got to get an adventurer on this. Yeah, exactly.

This is going to be hot forever. There's some Gen X guy is going to write it and be like, yeah, you guys forget in the early 80s. It was like Honeycomb used to have like a spooky witch on the cover. Okay. My overheard. Okay, my overheard? Yes, your overheard. Give it to me, Dave. I was at the very same store that sells babka. I wasn't buying babka.

I was buying bagels on a different day, but I was in there during the lunch lunch hour and there were some high school kids also having their lunch in the bagel shop oh yeah nice and when they overrun the place teens oh my god run away and there was a table full of i think four uh boys four like 15 year old boys and uh one of them said uh yeah we were in gym and he was against kane and we were like kane is better than you kane has a bigger wiener than you and another kid goes he probably does and the first kid goes, no way. Kane doesn't have a big wiener. Yeah, gossip starts early in life.

That's something that you develop naturally as far as I'm concerned. But it did make me happy that wiener is still in use. Wiener's still doing some good business. Wiener's a great word. It is. It is a great word. Whether or not it's hot dog or dog. Both excellent Wieners. And I'm happy that he, like, who knows what Kane's actually packing, right?

But I'm glad that some people out there think he's got some heat going. Yeah. I mean, it's up for debate. Yeah, that's right. Definitely, we were talking, hey, Kane, at lunch the other day, we were all kind of talking about whether you had a bigger wiener than this other guy. Well, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Okay, but you guys are men on a podcast?

Yeah. Yeah, we were really talking about it yeah we were talking about it for thousands of people to hear anyway should i bleep canes nay well you know there's a lot of canes there's the wrestler there's candy yeah fraser crane close enough yeah the mutiny yes the crane mutiny michael cain michael cain yes these are all great great don't worry it's one of those and so many different spellings too i love thinking that these 15 year old boys hang out with michael cain and they're like, I think he's got a big wiener.

No, no way. No way. He wouldn't be hanging out with us if he was loaded. Well, Michael Caine was in gym class and he was wrestling against this kid. That's great. That's great.

What's your overheard graham my overheard is a very simple one it was between two people in the in a um patio situation uh situations they were the stars in our sky take it Pat no take it Larry my overheard is somebody saying like oh my god I can't believe it's almost Christmas already and the friend said yeah I know December

I said Decembercember works yeah yeah quiz me quiz me do another one i can't believe it's almost halloween october do you guys like measure time differently because you have kids for christmas that's a big deal because i feel like yours can just really cycle by if you're just you're just a swing single. Well, somebody on Halloween night somebody asked Larry if he's excited for Christmas.

Ah. And so we've been in it since Halloween. Wow. Because now his mind is on Christmas. Oh, Christmas is next? Christmas! And that's why he's enjoying Santa. It's such a weird thing to ask on Halloween night

yeah yeah he'd just come home from trick-or-treating and are you excited for Christmas what

tell me more about this chocolate all over his mouth what what is what did Larry go as this Halloween a Paddington bear yes yes yes it was a classic oh that wasn't this year that wasn't this year that was last year franklin the turtle this

year nice good excellent choice on the turtle yes yes yes oh franklin the turtle uh a canadian yeah franklin's canadian right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I mean, he can work here at least. Yeah. Okay. He's got papers.

Now, in addition to those overheards, we have people who have sent in theirs. Wait, does Pat have another? Oh, yeah. Pat has another. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have, I'm going to do two, one's really tiny.

I got my computer fixed this week and I was in the Apple store and somebody was having their tech genius meeting across from me, this elderly lady, and she was asked if she thought there was water damage to her computer and she went

I drink tea near it. she thought there was water damage to her computer and she went, uh, I drink tea near it. That might be it. I drank tea near it. Is that, um, so is that one, but this is my favorite overheard of all time.

And I, um, all time. It's a classic. It's a classic. My wife and I were at mandarin uh and uh what is that it's a buffet it's a it's a chinese buffet um it's actually pretty terrible but we did it we did it and uh there so it's middle of the day the place is mostly empty but sitting in our section there's us

and then this like uh a couple people that i'm that i'm pretty sure are mom and a son the son's like in his early 20s i would say and uh definitely on some kind of drugs and um okay and they're like bickering and the fighting about stuff just not having a good time and then the waitress comes over and the guy says to the waitress hey why didn't you seat me near any kids

I asked to be sit near kids I don't want to sit near these people they're boring and pointed at us but the waitress was like was like oh i'm sorry sir i had no kids came in but like that's not the answer. That's like anyone who asks to be sitting near kids. That's a no. Yeah, that's a no. You put them away.

That's so funny. Yeah, what? Yeah. Like, it's not even a consideration at any restaurant. It's like, we'll get you a good table. Yeah. You know, away from the bathroom or the kitchen. Here's five bucks.

Tell me how many, uh, mazes you've handed out this evening. Uh, very good. So in addition to these great overheards, we have one, uh,

ones from people all over the map, starting with um david and sanich british columbia while out for a walk with my daughter we came across a horse in a pasture rolling on its back in a bare patch of earth we delighted at the joy of the beast two riders approached on horseback and joined our viewing of the happy horse for a bit and one of them said ugh fucking albert is rolling in the pig shit again we delighted at the joy of the beast it's rare that people refer to an animal as a beast in like just like in the like non-derogatory way it sounds like uh like a kind of a get your business together

book that's what the joy of the beast the joy of the beast oh like a self-help thing about like you too can have the joy of the beast yeah you've got the joy of the beast within you just need to you know this is how horses are doing it. You need to run 20 miles a day, eat a bunch of hay, and you can be a business beast. This next one comes from Casey in Arkansas. My husband was asking our kids about their days at school. Apparently, the fifth graders had given a concert to the younger grades. I asked if they had instruments or were they singing. My seven-year-old said they were singing with their mouths and their hearts.

Wow, the reviews are in. Very good. Because you are, yeah, you're told to sing from your heart when you're younger and then diaphragm. Yeah, diaphragm. Yeah. So, you're also told to use a diaphragm for uh you know to not have not get pregnant oh yes yeah weird that was the same name or does that have something to do with diaphragm and

diaphragm i think uh the what's the word i'm contraception device? Like, does it, it's taken from the, from a cadaver, right? Yes. You take the diaphragm and then you apply it that way. I feel like that was all, that was like the, the popular form of birth control in every TV show and movie I watched up

until like they taught us sex ed and then they were like what's a diaphragm i don't know but i heard about it on seinfeld this last one comes from jen in halifax nova scotia was walking down the street and passed by a man delivering a pizza to the neighbors after he knocked on the door, I heard the young boy who lives there yell at the top of his lungs. Thank you. I love you. Pizza man. Why don't you come over more often?

Yeah. Yeah, that's embarrassing. Did you ever, when you're a kid, did you ever say I love you by accident to a friend or something or to like to a teacher? Like I remember there was one guy in our class that's called our teacher mom. And that, that was pretty much his life all stitched up for him for the next three

years. I do. I don't remember that, but like my, uh, one of my daughters threw up the last week at home. Okay. And we didn't sorry we didn't send her to school uh even though she was like i'm fine now and we're like we're not

sending you to school mostly because i was like if you throw up at school that's all you'll be remembered for that's a lot that's absolutely that's a lot of looking i remember every kid who threw up at school yeah i remember one time one time i um my when i was oh i don't know grade one or two i was complaining of a stomachache and i never wanted to go to school so like my mom was like i'm not buying it no you Whatever. Anyway, then I went to the principal's office to be like, I really feel sick. I really need to go home. And he called my mom and she was like, no, he's faking it. No, no, no.

And then while he was on the phone with my mom, I barfed all over his desk. Oh, man, that's epic that's uh yeah yeah you'd be carried out on the football field for it yeah like you have something over your arm for years i think i'm coming down with something mom oh you want me to go to the principal's office you want me to go to the principal's office okay no no don't don't don't what do you think the principal is going to say when i show up there and say i have a stuff again who's he gonna believe mom in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod

one like these people have winter time it's winter time it's beginning of december when it's time to remember winter time i don't know what that was did we ask people to send old time new old timey songs about Christmas I think we did I think what's happened here because we were like we were asking who

has had like a brand new Christmas song that caught on. And we, I think I'll say it was Mariah Carey was the one that had the last like, right. This guy's next. Yeah. That's the next one.

Yeah. This is the next great Carol. It's on Fox right after X Factor. Okay. Here's the real phone calls. Hey, David Graham. This is Kate calling with an overheard.

Um, I was at my local pizza place. Um, and by the cash register, they had a little cup of pen. You can, um, sign your receipt.

And they had written a note on the pen cup that said, please don't steal our pen. And, um, some clever person came up and added a letter and changed it. So the cup said, please don't steal our penis. Thank you. Have a great day.

I'm sitting there. It's the person's fault. Anybody would do it. Everybody would do it. Everybody. Anybody would do it. No jury would convict this person.

Frazier Crane. would he do it? Would he defend the person in court? Oh, no. No, yeah, I want to hear about situations. One where he does it and one where he's the lawyer. I think he could appreciate a prank. Yeah, a lighthearted prank. No, that's not true at all no he wouldn't unless it was niles's yeah but they also on cheers they played a lot of pranks on one another yeah you see the thing is about frazier is that the frazier on cheers is not the frazier on frazier

there's like enough differences where like the Frasier on Frasier is like beer. Yeah, that's true. Cheers, he just poured it down. Yeah, that's good call. Yeah, there's a lot of those little things. Are there any other shows like that where like the character made the jump to a different thing and they're just completely different? I'm trying to think of another show where that even happened. jump to a different thing and they're just completely different. I can't think, I'm trying to think of another show where that even happened, where the character,

I know that in Canada there's one, uh, called running, run the burbs. I think it's called, and that's a character from Ken's convenience jumped over and has his own show. Well,

I was thinking of like Slimer from Ghostbusters isn't their friend, but Slimer in the real Ghostbusters is. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not canon. Yeah. like Slimer from Ghostbusters isn't their friend, but Slimer in the real Ghostbusters is their friend. Yeah. Yeah, that's not canon. Yeah, where's your Slimer continuity, man? Alright,

here's your next phone call. Hello, friends. Tim from Melbourne here with an overheard. I was walking behind a father and a daughter the daughter would have been about seven or eight and the

dad says I'm having spaghetti for dinner tonight and the daughter stops in her tracks looks him dead in the eye and says Graham the queen is dead anyway I love the show son of a bitch Son of a bitch. Off I go. Bye.

Son of a bitch. Gotcha. Now you're just going, you're doing Alicia's bidding for her. There's a running gag where comedian Alicia Tobin keeps sneaking up on Graham and telling him the queen is dead. Yeah. It started when we were both writing back and forth and being like, oh, did you hear? The queen is dead yeah it's it started when we were like both writing back and forth and being like oh did you hear the queen's dead and then she oh that's i should have uh i'll talk about how she like devastated me this week on next week episode okay well something to tune in for

next week next week by the way our annual holiday christmas episode, there may be somebody singing that carol you just heard before. Uh-huh. We're going to get the boys choir to arrange. Okay, your final phone call. Well done, well done.

Hey guys, this is Keith Collin from Vancouver, East Van, and I have an overheard for you. So, my daughter, who's six, had a few friends over, and they were having a bit of an argument. And finally, my daughter, she says to me, Hey dad, is it true Sam says that you're not allowed to marry someone you know? And I was kind of confused at first, and then I realized what they were talking about I said oh yeah oh it's true you're not allowed to marry someone that you're related to and then my daughter's friend goes yeah yeah

that's it you're not allowed to marry someone you're related to because if you have kids they'll end up all messed up like they'll have like missing a foot or a hand or they'll have too much blood or something like that and uh yeah that's it i too much blood it's honestly it's the fastest way to lose weight is just have some blood taken out yeah that's what i always do when I have to make wait for my MMA bout. I'm always really light-headed.

That's incredible. Thank you, Pat. This is the end of this podcast. If I see you correctly, the clock on the wall. Pat, thank you so much for being our guest.

Oh, thanks so much for having me. Tell us about acting. I'm not, I'm so close to saying acting crazy, but that's the charades show that used to be on TV. So, Acting Good is a show that

the lead in the show is a very funny indigenous comic named Paul Robleskis. And it's very roughly based on his life in a reserve. So it's set on the reserve in northern Manitoba. And I play the only white guy in the reserve, guy that manages the the store there okay um and uh acting good is an indigenous slang for uh like um i don't know being too big for your britches or something like it's like oh look at this guy acting good um uh so yeah because a lot of people don't know what the name of the show means um so it's that. It's on CTV Comedy. I don't know what time it plays

around the country, but Eastern Time it plays at 10.30 on Mondays. It's coming to Crave on December 23rd. Excellent season will be showing up on Crave. Well, congratulations. That's outstanding that you got that going

and I'm glad you're working Paul Robleski is so funny I love that it's like it's like oh it's a slang term it basically means too big for your britches for your britches which is like why is that a slang term that we still use yeah I know

I know we need to update that one no one ever says britches except right there. Well, thank you again. And thank you, all the people out there listening. You'll never trick me again to tell me the queen died. It's impossible. I'm immune to it now. You can try, but you'll fail.

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