Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 77 - Pat Kelly

Episode Date: August 25, 2009

Improviser/Comedian/Actor/et cetera Pat Kelly joins us to talk about shoveling snow, embarrassment, mustaches, and graffiti.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 77 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, the Paul Coffey or Ray Bork of podcast episodes. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is the man who, if he was a Will Smith film, would be the movie itch, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I taught Kevin James how to dance. And how to pick up ladies.

No? Sure. And joining us today, a gentleman who for many, many years has been doing comedy in Toronto and has now recently moved here to Vancouver. Very funny man, improviser, sketch comedian, writer, producer. Mr. Pat Kelly is joining us. Oh, hi. Thank you for joining us. You know, you've left out as an actor.

Oh, you're an actor as well? I'm amazing. I'm an amazing actor. What kind of range? Like, if something, say if like a scene is really sad or something, I can kind of portray that pretty well. And then if it's like something that's just kind of light and fun. Like a hitch is really sad or something. Yeah. I can like kind of portray that pretty well. And then if it's like something that's like just kind of light and fun.

Like a hitch. Yeah. Certain parts. You could play both of the parts in Hitch. The sad parts. Well, I think that's actually probably a perfect movie to sort of illustrate the acting. Yeah. I think it's just a perfect movie.

Full stop. It's a perfect movie. Do you want to get to know us? Let's get to know us. Get to know us. So, Pat, you just come... You were saying you just, for the first time ever, you just went up the grouse grind as kind of an introduction to Vancouver life.

Yeah. How was it? It was a real grind. It was a real grind. How long did it take you? An hour. I think that's probably pretty average. You get to the top and they tell you

people have done it in like 27 minutes. I don't believe that. That's like the record. Do they have photos of people? For anyone who's not from Vancouver, the Grouse Grind is a local ski mountain. In the summer, you can walk up it if you want to punish yourself. Yeah.

All it is is it's a staircase in a forest. It's like the whole time I was walking up it, I was like, I could have chose to just walk up a tower in the stairwell. Or a stairmaster and watch television. And there'd be way less just annoying families doing it. There's hundreds of people on that thing so you actually just are surrounded by a bunch of other people walking upstairs that's uh not as fun as people out there listening may think it is no it's not fun at all family stair walking day yeah so who all wants to go climb some stairs

no the family that stair walkss together. Brays together. Airwalks together. A family that stairwalks together. Airwalks together. You were in Toronto. Oh, is this an interview? No, no. We're just trying to get your juices flowing.

Oh, okay. I got you. It's not an interview at all. What do you want to talk about? Well, let's talk about me. Okay. All right. See?

We got many questions. Okay. Well, originally, you were from Calgary, which is where i am also from yeah you went to the fancy smart school western and i went to the rough and tumble southern school that was lord beaverbrook high lord beaverbrook where michelle pfeiffer was your teacher yeah she taught us poetry using hip-hop. When did you move out? I love that you think there is no rough and tumble schools in Calgary, Alberta. No, that's true.

There's got to be like a cattle roping school. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, Rodeo High. Which is literally rough and tumble. Which I think is going to be a new show coming up on the CBC this fall. Rodeo High? Probably. Oh, man.

I hope they shoot it in the actual Rodeo High. I think probably on the dramatic side. Canada's next rodeo star? Nothing too good for a cowboy? Calgary's next. That was a real show. They have two shows now about horses and Calgary. Is any of those shows... Wild Horse Road.

Wild Roses. Wild Horse Road? Is that what you said? No. Okay. of those shows... Wild Horses. Wild Horse Road, is that what you said? No, it's Wild Horse Roses. Yep. And so you think you're a cowboy. So you think you're a cowboy. Canada. And then you moved to Toronto, Ontario.

We're still doing my history. Yeah, we're getting to know you. Okay, so yes, I moved to Toronto after I graduated from high school. Actually, I had a brief stint at the University of Lethbridge. Ooh, ULEF. Yeah. The Windy City. Go ULEFs.

That was their mascot, was a ULEF. Was a ULEF. And then I moved to Toronto, and then I was there for like 10 years, and then now I'm here, and I did the Girl's Grind. There you go. See? Yeah. Now you're up to speed tidy package yeah um is that your nickname tidy package tidy or tiny tidy tidy oh yeah very tidy yeah i'm sorry that's all right all right it is it's a tidy tidy package so um you're in vancouver this is the thing that happens to a lot of people when they move to Vancouver, is they move... They just chill out.

Well, they move during the summer, and they assume that this is what it's going to be like, when actually this is the only respite for the rest of the year, which is grey and rainy. No, but I've been warned about that, but really, how's that different than any other part of Canada?

No, that's true. You know, oh, you move to toronto in the summer it's beautiful beautiful but you know i gotta warn you come november it starts to snow yeah and it gets cold and slushy and you know but you guys get sunshine during the winter not really actually you know toronto's winter like it blows it blows it really does it it blows it blows no i honestly i know that it's gonna rain uh i think i'm as long as you're ready to accept that and uh i i prefer that over the salty slush of toronto anyway fair enough i think i think i do you've been warned but i also have this thing when i move places the weather turns like this winter, I bet, will be the nicest winter you guys have had in years. And people will be like, this is unusual.

This isn't. That'll be fun for the Olympics. Yeah. Hot and sunny. How do you guys feel about that being here? The Olympics? Everyone I talk to is like, fuck the Olympics. Fuck.

Yeah. Well, it's the same thing as, if you'll recall, the Calgary Stampede. It wasn't for people who lived in the city. It was for people who came to the Olympics. Fuck. Yeah, well, it's the same thing as, if you'll recall, the Calgary Stampede. It wasn't for people who lived in the city. It was for people who came to the city. You mean the Calgary Olympics? Yeah. Okay. I meant the Stampede.

Oh. But, because that's what happens every year is nobody in Calgary goes to the Stampede. I think it's probably more like the Calgary Olympics. Nah, because the Calgary Olympics, everybody was behind it. The Calgary Olympics was fantastic. The people in Calgary wanted the Olympics, whereas the Stampede, routinely, they don't want. But it happens without their consent. Did you have any involvement in the Calgary Olympics?

Not really. Did you play a snow elf in the ceremonies? I tried out for the opening ceremonies, and I didn't make the cut. Well, you showed them i just had to run around with uh like a poncho on and i didn't get to like it's because you didn't get your poncho yeah you could probably it i know it's late in the game but if you get into these ones yeah i think they're still i volunteered uh and they i had an audition time but then they said like you had to come in on a Sunday, and that's when I dropped out. Were you going to do a quick five-minute, ten-minute set at the opening ceremony? No, I wanted to be one of the dancers.

It's like, now here's a comedian. He's going to do time in between. It's like two. Have you guys noticed that luge is kind of weird? Biathlon. Now, part of Vancouver opened the world. Welcome stand-up comedy from Vancouver. is kind of weird. Biathlon. Now, part of Vancouver opened the world. Welcome. Stand-up comedy from Vancouver.

Russell Peters. We haven't heard the theme of the Vancouver Olympics. Maybe you have. No, no, no. The musical theme. It's a lot of competition, I think, is the theme. Oh, the musical theme. What was it for Calgary?

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, And it would go on and on and on. I think that's what's written on your license plate. Yeah. Alberta. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. You know who penned that song, too? David Foster.

Elizabeth Manley. I guessed it and I got it right. Yeah, David Foster. I wonder who's going to do it for here. Russell Peters. Chad Kroger. Chad Kroger. And now, the Olympics.

He is one of our highlights here. Yeah. He has highlights. He's actually from Alberta, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, we were just talking about his highlights. I have a little Kruger story.

Please. We're excited to hear it. We're going to cut everything else out until now. A few years ago, when the Conan O'Brien show came to Toronto, a group of us got hired to be in the sketches. Really?

It was quite fun. Fascinating to see how that show was put together. of Toronto, a group of us got hired to kind of be just in the sketches, right? Really? Yeah. It was quite fun. Fascinating to see how that show was put together. But the little dressing room we had was the night that Nickelback was on. Our dressing room was right beside Nickelback's dressing room. You lucky son of a bitch. For about 10-15 minutes,

Kruger, in there by himself, and all you could hear through the wall was, Yeah! Hmm! Yeah! Hmm! His vocal warm-up. Wow.

His vocal warm-up. No, he was writing a new song. That's his process. He's free associating. Yeah. The Krugs. What rhymes with hmm? Are you sure you weren't across from his toilet?

He was warming up. So you guys were on the whole week or just the one night you guys were doing sketch stuff? A couple of us were in sort of the whole week, actually. I was fortunate enough to be cast in a role as the CN Tower. Oh, you were the CN Tower for the fight? Yeah, the fights. And they brought back the fights every night. The Sears Tower wearing Sears

clothes? No, it was the Space Needle, Seattle Space Needle versus the CN Tower. Oh, that's really cool. So, some of my better mascot work. When you hand in a headshot at a thing, is it just that picture of you in that kind of costume? Just a mascot. Well, I didn't

get a picture of that, so here's a picture of the actual CN Tower. Picture me inside it, but not walking up under something stupid like that. Wow, so that's as close as anybody in this room's been to Chad Kroger, unless you have some developments in the last couple weeks.

Nope, not lately. I never made it as a wise man. Why don't you want to be a rock star? And so in Vancouver, you... What part of town are you living in? I live at Oak and 13th. Very nice neighborhood.

Yeah, I was about to just give my whole address. With postal code, so people can send you regards. That's very lovely. I like it over there. I got to tell you, I love it. You've warned me that it's the summer, but I think this is a great place to live. It is great, but the one thing is

I was the same. I moved here during the summer, and everybody I know, it's just the timing that worked out. Everybody moves here in the summer, and it's really good until the end of September, and then it just rains and you're just not used to it and you're like it'll clear up eventually and then it never does and so that first year is a bit of a just it's a bit of an adjustment so what time period are we talking like how long is this rain

october roughly kind of may to, to the end of May. Every day. No. Not every day, but it's mostly gray most of the time. The last year was okay. There was a couple week-long... Well, last year we had a month of just snow. Which was crazy.

What does this do to you, though? Just because it's grey and dark you get depressed? We all have seasonal affective disorder Affectedness? Sad No, I have an affectation for the entire season

I walk around with a cane Oh, that's what it does to you? Seasonal affectation disorder I've become a dandy. A vanity cane, a monocle. It's the weirdest thing. It never happened to me in Calgary, because the sun came out. Yeah, exactly.

But long periods of rain and gray, I just turn into a wolf. My affectation is depression. It's not... Some people, I think, probably do get depressed. It just gets monotonous. That's the thing, more than anything. My mother bought out of one of

those catalogs, like Brookstone or Hammacher Schlemmer, I think it was. I'm not familiar. It's like Bed Bath & Beyond? It's like a SkyMall. It's just like... What is a SkyMall?

SkyMall is like in the airplanes. They have the magazines where you can buy ShamWow or headphones that also do... What's the gadget store consumers distributing

man i remember consumers distributing what a strange she was going through a consumer's no no no no it's amazing it was do you buy a nintendo with duck hunt gun but it's one of these catalogs that has uh just like steps for your dog to get up onto your bed and a combination knife tent. Yeah, knife tent. Headphones that do math. But she got this thing that was, it was for seasonal affectation disorder. Was it a light? It was a light, but it was just so bright and you

just shone it on your face yeah they had they used to have it up at ubc there was it was part of a research project for like a couple of years and you could go up there and it was like they had these sun rooms that had like it mimicked the same amount of uv light that you get from the sun and you just sit there yeah that's it it would she would put amount of uv light that you get from the sun and you just sit there yeah that's it it would she would put it by i don't know if she ever actually used it she was never diagnosed i think she just uh diagnosed herself with this and same with also having a tiny dog she diagnosed herself with dog needing dog steps yeah um uh but i tried it out once and you would just get uh like you would just be seeing stars immediately you would just get like those kind of like when you stare at the sun so in a

strange way it worked though because it distracted you from being sad from your horrible depression i'm uncomfortable now yeah it's better than i'm going back to bed i've seen stars wow yeah so that's the only thing like it's just it's at a point there's there's a point in the kind of in the winter where you get tired of being wet like you just you get it just gets to that point where you're like ah but i mean like you say like it's there's something equivalent to that i guess in every, in every winter season. You know this from Calgary. It's like the thing is there.

It can get to be like minus 30. Yeah. But at least it's bright and blue and sunny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't do anything in minus 30 anyway either. So it's like... No skeet shooting for you. Skeet shooting for you.

The thing is, in a lot of cities, Toronto included, there's some sort of mechanisms built into the downtown area because they know it's going to be cold. So there's a lot of ways you can get around. The underground pathways. Yeah. We don't have, like, it rains here all the time, and the city's never seen their way to figuring out a way to make, like, we know it's going to happen.

Like an umbrella boulevard. Or, yeah, like something where there's overhang on the sidewalk. There's never been any thought towards oh, this is definitely going to happen again this year. We should consider putting in something so it's not always terrible. Bus shelters

that don't drip on you. Or bus shelters that have roofs on them. Would be nice. So can they stop it though like the rain yeah no you can't who can stop it that's a song isn't it yeah i think it is ccr who will stop the rain oh who will stop the rain have you ever seen the rain yeah oh yeah wait no what's coming down yeah that's ccr Who will stop the rain? Oh, who will stop the rain? Have you ever seen the rain? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait, no, what?

It's the same song? Yeah, that's CCR. Badman Rising, was that CCR as well? So then how are they going to do the Olympics with all this rain? They should have thought of that. Yeah, some people say unsuccessfully. All the... Snow stuff is like at Whistler, right?

Yeah, so there's a good chance there would be snow although this year there was none although yeah there was no snow at the ski events this year but uh at vancouver we had hella snow yeah yeah that was interesting i guess never had that before well there's no like again like there's no system in place to deal with snow in the city like They just don't... We don't have shovels. Yeah. Nobody owns shovels.

I cleaned up my sidewalk with a spade that you would use in a garden. And that took many, many hours. We get one day of snow a year, usually. Yeah, and it's funny. And everybody just doesn't go to work. But people will go and they'll sell out all the shovels at canadian tire but then i guess people throw their shovels away yeah because they assume it's never gonna happen again uh but there's always there's always um when it snows you will you will see the same news story every year you'll see them

go to a tire place right and there's a huge lineup time to get snow. You'll see them go to a tire place and there's a huge lineup. Time to get snow tires. Or at the very least, all seasons. Yep. You'll see them at a place that sells shovels and they're sold out. No salt. You'll see them at Burnaby Mountain and cars aren't making it up

it. And schools. Maybe a school bus. Something else. the place where they keep the plows and the salt but there's always to the thing that camera crews race out to some place that's like a hill and there's kids tobogganing down it but no kids here own toboggan so it's always like some weird garbage bag contraption guitar case. Something that's close in proximity. Canoe, kayak. Yeah, exactly.

Whatever they got. Yoga pants. See, that's the thing. I guess I will miss that. I kind of hope that it'll snow because one of my favorite pastimes, and I shit you not about this, guys. Please do not shit us. I'm not going to shit you this. Oh, my God.

Are you guys... If anyone's afraid, we will be shat. I'm not going to... I'm not going to... I'm not here to... Yeah, he's cool. He's not going to.

He's not going to shit us. He's not going to sugarcoat it. No, I'm not. He's certainly not going to shitcoat it. No, I'm not going to... Come straight down the shit pipe with this. I absolutely love snow removal. Oh, yeah?

The shoveling I love the shoveling I'm in the same boat I love the feeling of satisfaction when you're done And it's like it looks like You can see the driveway, the sidewalk You've made a pile over here It's good cardio

It's great cardio and it's just some good thinking You do some good thinking when you're doing it. You make an instant bond with your neighbor. Absolutely. When he's out doing it and you kind of look at each other and you're like, hey, check us out. We're doing it. I do the opposite. I do the opposite of a bond.

When I'm shoveling snow, I will make a point of this is where my property ends. Well, that's – most people do that. On our street in Toronto, I was baffling people because I would just keep going. I would just do it four or five houses in front of our, to the left and to the right, and people would give me this look like, what the fuck are you doing?

It's probably because you grew up in Calgary, because I did the exact same thing here last winter. Did other people's. All up and down my street. That was my first entrepreneurial experience when I was a kid was snow removal in my neighborhood. I started a little business.

Wow. Yeah, with my brother. We called it Majana. He had a name for it. We're trying to remember why. I think it had something to do with Madonna and Michael Jordan. Yeah. So we called it.

But we've got to name it after our two favorite things. Yeah. The two three-eminent snow removers. We had these flyers and everything. Great. What was your first job? I was a hired assassin. As a kid?

Yeah. A lot of people don't know that. What age do you have to be? The key is I was very good at it because I could drop things in people's drinks and they wouldn't know. Yeah, they just thought it was cute. Yeah, they think it was cute when I walked up and I was like, another martini? It was mostly your parents' friends that you killed. Yeah.

Who wants a nice goob? Yeah. Dave, first job? Hockey referee.ob? Yeah. Dave, first job? Hockey referee. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's pretty good.

Were you good at it? First game, I forgot my whistle. So you just went, hey! Tweet, tweet, tweet. No, there were two referees for each game, so I told the other guy, like, you're going to be doing all the whistling today. So were these kids younger than you? Yeah. You didn't have to do it? They're like men's league kids. each game so I told the other guy you're going to be doing all the whistling today. Were these kids younger than you?

You didn't have to do men's things? I was 13. No, I was 12. There were six or seven. Super hot. I'm always fascinated by the referee in any sport. How these guys get to become a professional umpire.

Like, what does your dad do for a living? He's a third-base umpire in baseball. Yeah. Such an odd career path to become a professional referee or ump. When you're a professional referee in a sport that's, like, brand new, that's the thing that I'm always like. You've got to keep the little rule book with you. Look, like, it's slam ball. professional referee in a sport that's like brand new that's the thing that i'm always like you got to keep the little rule book with you look like x games referee when there was when ufc was first

around there was a ref in there and but the whole thing was is there were no rules yeah so i was like well what is that guy even there for he serves no function whatsoever to say let's get it on yeah he was more of an intro man than anything let's get it on. He was more of an intro man. Let's get it on. See you guys later. The local minor league baseball team, the Vancouver Canadiens, they used to be a AAA team, which is

one league below the major leagues. But in recent years... That's good ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff. Get a free keychain. It was a very professional operation. That's good ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're going to see some good stuff. Get a free keychain. And they had... It was a very professional operation.

Umpires everywhere. Four of them. But now they are a single A team. And the one big change I've noticed is that there's only two umpires. One at home plate and one just patrolling the field. Just a rover but it's like how much really like in a even in the major leagues like does it do i'm how much did they get paid a year more than anybody i know yeah that's my guess like there's so much access like

especially on a baseball like there's guys like third or fourth managers on a baseball team who like wear the uniform and are like in charge of like giving the signals to the bat boy to like go get the bat you know what i mean like yeah like the fact that there's like a third base coach like there's a coach that's he's just handling like that area you've got time run why why do the that's your job do you feel like great about yourself at night like the end of your life you're like yes the baseball manager the guy in charge of everything still wears the uniform same costume yeah why is he can he write himself into the the um whatever roster it's like the movie movie King Ralph. If the whole team goes down, he may have to play in order to make up the numbers.

Right. If baseball was a kingdom. Yeah. I mean, I love baseball, and so I don't want to think about it too much, but there's so many silly elements to baseball. Yes, the manager, grown man, puts on a... Well, they're all grown men.

Putting on pajamas. Especially the Blue Jays' retro uniform. It was a very pajama-like outfit. The baby blues? Daddy's gotta go to work. Put on my little baseball costume. Do you think the manager

wears a cup? Why not? Wouldn't you? If you were already all done up in the never know you know yeah they probably make a little extra room in the pants for the cup so you'll look weird without it the managers in wrestling didn't have to wear the intarts like mr fuji yeah he got to wear a suit jimmy the mouth of the sun he had a too. Like, what kind of paperwork did he have in there? He had a lot of paperwork to fill out. Can't wait till this match is over.

How many DDTs? I got a lot of paperwork on this one. I got Kamala's visa. Well, Dave. Yeah? Let's get to know you. What's going on with you? The other day, I was filling up my car with uh gasoline yeah because i oh you've got one of

those gasoline cars yeah yeah it's new uh diesel i'll start this again i was filling up my car with gasoline it's like putting out a fire with gasoline and uh there was a guy uh filling up his bike tire with air at the gas station yeah and uh i'm just filling up my my car my my uh mind's kind of wandering yeah and then boom i hear uh i just hear this boom and i look over and the guy who's filling up his bike tire has exploded his tire. And he did exactly like

he did what I would have done where he pretended he didn't do it. Like, what the fuck? No, he just looked around like it was, did that come from somewhere else? He starts examining his tire. No, it wasn't me. And he keeps filling it up.

But it reminded me that I hate embarrassment so much that, like, if I'm running for a bus and the bus leaves, I'll just pretend I'm running. You just run all the way there. Oh, boy. Yeah, and I really identified with that guy at that point. What was his next move? Was it just to walk his bike out of there? No, he did.

Or did he get on it and ride it away? I mean, to sympathize with him, too. Filling up a tire is... A bike tire, it's about this fast. Yeah. Because it's just power air. You don't need a lot. Every time I do it, I fear it.

Oh, yeah. I would never even think to inflate a bike tire using the... Because that's for inflating car tires. The one at the gas station. Yeah. So you just need it for about five seconds but um what he did what i would have done so you just walk away kind of he walked away after about

like two minutes i would have waited 10 minutes so that there was a completely different group of people there uh like when i walked away well wouldn't you be worried that then somebody would see you walking away with your Explodo tire and go, hey, your tire I would be worried. I would probably just ditch the bike. Just leave it. Throw your helmet in the bush.

Oh, man. Poor kid. It was a grown man. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Even worse, I guess. How come with the advances in rubber technology etc have they not made a bike tire less unexplodable one well yeah or less uh it seems to be a thing that i see at least once a week is somebody fixing a bike tire uh somewhere along the places that i'm walking and And I'm like, do they still make them super delicate? Are they like in cartoons with patches over them?

Yeah, yeah. They're putting patches over them and blowing them with their mouths. I don't know what cartoons would do. Yeah, I guess iron-on patches. But it's also like with a lot of things. It's like we're pretty smart people. Isn't there something better than a tire that would never break? Yeah.

Doesn't need air. I feel like... Like, I feel like there could be something that's just like, oh, use this instead. Instead of an air-filled tire. Air-filled balloon. Yeah. You know? We haven't moved that far beyond balloon technology for all that we've done.

Yeah. Balloon technology. And tires are expensive. Yeah. Why is that? But there could be just a solid piece of rubber or something that's malleable. Something foamy.

Yeah. Maybe some kind of foam. Like a foam. Just like a circle. Like the inside of a crunchy bar. Like a toffee foam. Like some sort of sponge toffee. Yeah.

Oh, that's practical and delicious yeah wow yeah poor guy you didn't offer to help I'm imagining no were you so embarrassed that you got back in your car in trouble yeah and the gas pump was still stuck in my car like I gotta get out of here

that guy's embarrassment is going to get on me somehow. And then you just ditched the car when everyone started looking. Not my car. Whoa, what am I doing in here? If it had been me, I wouldn't want someone to try to help. No? No.

What I do, if I'm ever parked and I get a parking ticket, I just leave the ticket on there because I don't want anyone to see me take off the ticket and look at it. So I'll just start driving away with the parking ticket on it. But isn't that more of a thing where people would start pointing at your car? No, because no one sees the front of your car.

And then while you're driving, you reach out and get it. Well, I would do the opposite. If I was thinking people were watching me, I'd make a big show of it so that somebody would really have something to talk about over coffee or lunch. Or podcast. Yeah, some guy freaking out over his parking ticket. I'd be like, God fucking God. I wouldn't even be swearing.

I'd be doing that in the cartoon version. Concerned. You'd throw your hat on the ground and jump on it. Yeah, you know how I roll. So what would you have done with the bike if it was you? If it was me? Yeah. I guess I'd be embarrassed, but I don't think I would stand around pretending that it didn't happen.

If that explosion happens, you have to completely replace the tire, right? Yeah. Or at least the inner tube. I think if I exploded it, I would have said something to the effect of, that was me, or something, you know, so that people don't think that somebody was shot. Yeah. It being a gas station, a site of possibly many robberies. When it was happening, my mind was wandering, and

there was that pop, and I jumped a bit. And I was a little bit embarrassed about that, but then I realized where the embarrassment lay. I think probably, too, he was feeling a fair bit of shame, because as far as a

manly task, filling up your bike tire it's not like changing a carburetor or like should be building a fence it should be something that's just like tying your shoe like shit i gotta go fill up the kids bike with their you know i was at work the other day and there was uh a toilet that had been backed up and somebody said like oh i tried to use the plunger and the plunger like flipped inside out and i was like yeah that's how plungers work like you plunge them and then they suck up air and then that changes the shape of the plunger and then it plunges out yeah the water that's how but i would do somebody i was talking to it obviously never

But somebody I was talking to obviously never had to plunge a toilet ever because they were like, oh, I plunged it once and then it flipped inside out and I think it's broken. I was like, no, that's the fundamental dynamic of a plunger. That's my one area of expertise. I think it's a guy who's filled up a tire and then realized,

oh, this is something i should probably know how to do yeah don't blew it yeah and now have people looking at me and judging me and we don't know the backstory either i mean this may have been the breaking point for his relationship yeah you know what i mean like he could go home and his wife could say, that is it. I sent you to get the fucking tire. You know what I mean? She's always saying that he's not a man. This is the last straw. We were going to go on a bike tour of France.

Yeah, exactly. But the backing up a toilet and not being able to plunge it, that is way more embarrassing. But if it's never happened to you... I guess. You know, if it's...

Because, like, some people, I think that... Actually, when I say some, I think most. If a toilet backs up, their go-to move is, I'm out of here, and they just leave. Yeah, yeah. I think that's 90% of people. No one's going to test this DNA. Yeah, exactly.

The worst is when you're in someone's house and everyone's going to know it's you and you have to be like, where is your plunger? I'll do the plunging. The water is just rising and rising. But nobody should have a toilet in their house without a plunger next to it. To me, that's the height of rudeness. No, they leave it in another room So you have to You have to ask

Oh it's down in the basement Because you know now that I'm going to do I can just do this without anybody knowing We have three toilets but one plunger That kind of thing No good you got three toilets you're rich enough to have three plungers You know I don't have a plunger actually I'm just thinking about this

If nothing else comes out of this podcast I'm going to get a plunger, I don't have a plunger actually. I'm just thinking about this. Well, if nothing else comes out of this podcast, I'm going to get a plunger. You're going to go get a plunger. Graham, can we get to know you, dear? Sure. Really, the most interesting thing that happened this week is you and I went and saw a movie together yesterday.

Have we ever seen a movie together? Yeah, we went to one once. No, maybe not. Didn't we? I thought we did before, but anyway. I feel like we could have. We went to see District 9. Have you seen District 9?

No, I wanted to really badly, but this is not a girlfriend movie. Well, Dave brought his girlfriend. But just on the surface, it's not something that she, I think, wants to go see. It's really gory. But I hear it's awesome. It is. It's really gory. But I hear it's awesome. It is. It's pretty gory. It's pretty gory.

It's got some disturbing stuff. But yeah, it's great. It was just great to go see an early movie. I find I always end up in movies that I either go for the late matinee, and then it's like 7 o'clock when I get out. That's a weird feeling. Yeah. Then the evening's kind of shot because you're like well it's seven

and i need to eat something because i just ate nothing but raisinets we went to the 120 and it's always my policy that it be 420 somewhere but yeah that was fun went and saw that and then i think i was to go rent a movie but then when I got home Cape Fear was just starting on TV and I was like oh I'll watch 5 minutes of Cape Fear and then fast forward to 1 in the morning and had watched the entire

that's an addictive little film have you seen it? recently? never? not recently I've seen it if you watch 5 minutes of it you can't not watch it Recently? Never? Never. Have you seen it? Not recently. I've seen it. Yeah. Yeah. If you watch five minutes of it, you can't not watch it all the way to the end. It's one of those type of movies.

Mm-hmm. I find Juliette Lewis absolutely entrancing. She was 15 in that movie. We watched Mississippi Burning. Who's in that? Why did I start saying we all the time now? Now, when you say we, I'm assuming this is you. This is my girlfriend and I, yeah. And your girlfriend, is she in the comedy world?

No, she's in the writing world. Oh, wow. Yeah. In like a reporter writing? Yeah, journalism and PR and all that kind of stuff. Oh, very cool. Enough about her. But when you say we.

We watched Mississippi Burning. What does a journalist think of that read her review racism yikes um mississippi so we don't need to talk about mississippi i've never seen that that's gene hackman it's an old it's about civil rights and you know this is what what south what era is this like Like the film Made? Yeah It was probably late 80s, early 90s Yeah, okay

What was the Matthew McConaughey Civil Rights one? Oh The Pelican Brief? Yes How to lose 10 guys in 10 days How to lose a guy a day for 10 days Here's the thing about

K-Fear. For anybody out there who hasn't seen that version, including you, Dave, if you've seen the Sideshow Bob thing that they did on The Simpsons, then you owe it to yourself to see the movie where they've taken every single gag in that episode from.

It's only then that you realize what a great You're seeing a spoof of a thing that you don't know that's been spoofed but when you see the thing you see they've done a wonderful, wonderful job. Under the car. Hilarious. Riding under the car. De Niro, right? That's some good

De Niro in that movie, isn't it? I think he was nominated for an Oscar for that. Does he step on a bunch of rakes? No. But that's... You just... It's worth it. Do they sing the score from the HMS Pinnacle? I like that about the Simpsons sometimes,

when you actually catch a piece of the pop culture that they were referring to that you'd never seen before. But years later, you're reading a book or watching a movie or listening to a song or something, and you're like, Hey, that's the... Oh, that's what they were making fun of. That guy's eating shorts. Well, I remember I was talking to a former guest, AJ McKenzie,

and we were talking about this thing that was on The Simpsons, and he said it was one of his favorite moments, completely not knowing that it was from 2001 A Space Odyssey. He just thought it was some weird non sequitur that they had come up with for The Simpsons. And then I showed it to him online, I think, and then his mind was blown. Well, it's still funny, even if you don't get it.

That's the great thing. It's still a joke. That's true. Yeah. That sounds like something my mother would say. Why do you have to have all the answers? I just don't know why. I think it would just, I mean, it's just funny.

You know, funny is funny. It's just funny. I don't know all the stuff behind it, but it's funny. It was funny. Oh, and also, this week I had a moment where it was very much, like, you know when you see in a movie, like, the kind of visual representation of the craziness that goes on backstage at a TV show? Okay. Like, somebody's walking through and there's like uh you know like dogs walking on their hind legs with

like a collar on and like somebody spinning plates like you know what i mean like in pret-a-porter yeah or they do it a lot on 30 rock where they're just like odd stuff odd extras that don't match kind of whenever they go backstage at saturday night, there's always a showgirl. Yes. There's always like a horse. So this week at the TV station, just walking through to get a cup of coffee in the green room, I passed through that zone. There were two guys wearing matching outfits with matching

fedoras, leaning up against right next to the bathroom door. They were super skinny, gay guys talking to each other. And I walked through a bunch of people that were going to do fire Hawaiian dancing. So they were super skinny gay guys talking to each other and I walked through a bunch of people that were going to do fire Hawaiian dancing. So they were all readying for that. And then I walked into the break room and there was a used car salesman

talking to a Tom Selleck lookalike. A professional Tom Selleck? A professional Tom Selleck lookalike. I know that guy. Yeah, and he sounds just like him and he laughs like him and obviously looks like him. Tom Selleck known for his laugh. Yeah, and his Qu just like him, and he laughs like him, and obviously looks like him. Tom Selleck known for his laugh.

Yeah, and his Quigley Down Under movies. How does Tom Selleck laugh? Can you guys get close to that impression? I'm the man of a thousand laughs. I think it's like that. That's it. You nailed it. Nailed it.

That's it. Is the plural of fedoras fedoras fedora fedorum but yeah it was just like one of those things and there was a guy yelling at somebody because they forgot a part of the equipment so there was that aspect of yelling

and there was music going on yeah it was great I had that moment some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. Kelly Clarkson, how many awkward conversations have you saved me from? At least one today.

Do we want to move on to a little segment called Overheard? Please. Overheard. Alright, Overheard. Things overheard in general life, wherever your ears may be. And people will be talking that you don't mind eavesdropping on. Pat, do you want to start?

Sure. Am I going to do a couple or just one? Why don't you do one and we'll kind of go around and then you can bookend it. Sure. Just set the scene for us. I don't know if you want to start strong or finish strong. This is one of the ones that I have really locked into my memory bank. I like overhearing things.

Yeah. This was not too long ago. It was back in Toronto on a streetcar uh i was up sort of unusually uh early on a saturday so i decided to go and run some errands got on a streetcar fairly crowded people going to like the market and whatnot and this girl got on she looked pretty kind of haggard you know kind of like a server at earl's kind of looking but she looked a bit haggard and she was on her cell phone and she was saying to the girl yeah like oh my god we just like got totally shit-faced and like i went you know stayed up to like five i'm on my

way to work yeah ryan or whatever his name is it's like oh my god i still like have his cum on my sleeve. And her volume was like not a private cell phone. She was like out there just talking to her friend on the phone. And I was like, oh my god, Ryan or whatever.

I still have his cum on my sleeve. Lordy. So I overheard that. I still have his cum on my sleeve. Lordy. So I overheard that. I'm glad you did. Dave? Okay, mine is an overseen. You know when... I don't know what the names of the parts of a truck are.

Okay, the front, back, side to side, wheel. Front, back, side to side. The bed. The grill, side. Yeah. Wheel. Front, back, side, to side. The bed. Bed, good. Yeah. The grill. Cab.

The cab, the front of it, like a semi. Cab is where you... Yeah, the cab. Yeah. The cab. You're sitting up in the cab. In the cab, yeah. Okay, well, I saw this dump truck.

What's the part in the back called? The dumper? The bed. Anyway, I saw this dump truck, and it was ahead of me in traffic. And the cab was purple. You don't see a lot of purple trucks, but it was ahead of me. And then eventually I pulled up beside it. And you know how people will name their boat

a girl's name? Well someone had named this purple truck and it had its name written on it Miss Optimus Prime and its name was Princess Jasmine Oh! A whole new world

is what he's driving to Don't you dare close your eyes. Wow. Princess Jasmine, the truck. The dump truck. Yeah, guess who won the naming sweepstakes in that guy's house? The daughter. Do you know what kind of load he was carrying in that truck?

Monkey. Flying carpets. Genies? Et cetera. He just carries Disney paraphernalia to stores. Pajamas. And then he gets there

and they just get dumped out. See ya. See you next week with some Lion King pillows. Mine comes courtesy of the Art art gallery where I was last week and I was there was the typical kind of art gallery

people you would expect to see at the art gallery and then there were these three dudes that were wandering around that looked yeah there were three very much three bros flip flops I think one of them had their hat on sort of sideways-ish around that looked... Yeah, they were very much the three bros. Flip-flops. I think one of them had their hat on sort of

sideways-ish. They looked like they were... Puka shell necklace? Popped collars? Not puka shell necklace, but definitely a bead necklace. Is it puka or hookah? Hookah. Okay. I've been living a lie. Hookah is a pipe. Right.

But yeah, anyways... Just gonna interject real quick. There is a pipe right uh but yeah anyways just gonna interject real quick there is a lot of those kind of guys here i'm not used to seeing a lot of oh really yeah our city is oh i know there's a lot here are there not a lot no there's more there's more they're just different like what'd you call bras hey bra like bras like board shorts and yeah like mcconaughey's yeah we got a lot of mcconaughey's so there were like three mconaughey's. Yeah. We got a lot of McConaughey's. So there were like three McConaughey's walking around. And I was looking at this one. It was a portrait of – it was this – one part of the gallery had an exhibit by this person who takes a lot of photos of things, kind of repeated themes that you would see in everyday life.

Like he took a shot of a grocery store, and then you could see all the rows of brightly colored things. And it was all very mesmerizing stuff. And there was one, it looked like I think it was at a dance or something, but it was all these people on different levels, and the guy behind me just glanced at it. Only looked at it for a second at all. Said to his friend, man, what a sausage party.

And then they walked away from it. There was so much to look at in it, but that's all. The McConaughey's have to say. My favorite way to go through the art gallery is quickly. So I'm probably on that guy's side. Yeah, quickly and sarcastically. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Man, what a sausage party. Hey, Art and sarcastically. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Man, what a sausage. Hey, Art, you think you're better than me? Yeah, but you're right. As a side note, there is a tremendous amount of like, you're very well-dressed. You're one of the top 10 well-dressed people in Vancouver just by not wearing... You're talking to me. Yeah. Wow. Just by not wearing flip-flops and like it's flip-flops, crocs, board shorts, something

resembling... Yoga. Lots of yoga. Lots of like... Apparel. You know, and this is like a pet peeve of mine that goes, it doesn't matter what city you're in, but like yoga pants. The girls wear it. Yeah, they're flattering and all that kind of stuff but they're not pants no but like they wear them like they're just like i can be your waiter at a

restaurant in these yeah it's like they're sweatpants like if we walked around and did everything in sweatpants which we would love to do oh of course but we don't exactly we wear fucking pants i don't know i don't even own sweatpants. No, I don't either, actually. I have a pair of yoga pants. I'd love to have yoga pants. Oh, I'd love to see that in action. I like it. Like, you know when someone grows an ironic mustache? Yeah.

It's not on the way out, by the way, I think, a little bit. How can you grow an unironic mustache? Oh, you can be a policeman or a porn star. What about, but like, could you be a businessman? If you have children and you have a mustache, you're a businessman. Or if you live in anywhere but a big city. So like if you lived out in the country, you could have a... But like, what if you were a businessman?

Like, what if you were just like a guy and you wore a suit like a very nice suit and you had short cut hair but you had a mustache would that be fine it depends on the guy like sometimes i feel bad for those yeah sorry sometimes there's a baby face like if you have a baby face it looks ironic but like my landlord authentic yeah see and i feel bad for those guys who like i have authentic ones and have had them forever, and they're like, I have a mustache just because my face looks better. Like, it's just me. Right.

I've always had one. Right. You know? And then these guys come along with the ironic ones. They're kind of diminishing the actual real guys who own mustaches. But there is a certain level of commitment that you have to respect for, in an ironic anything. And someone, I was once at a party and this guy was wearing a Lululemon tracksuit,

tops and bottoms of velour. Wow. And I just had to like, oh, okay, well, you spent the money, you bought the whole outfit. You know, good for you see ya but i was going back to the mustache thing how does like say there was a young man who wanted to grow a mustache just because he thought it would look good there's no way that people wouldn't think that his mustache was ironic. Right now. Yeah. In this current climate, mustache climate. Because they've created like, yeah, the mustache climate right now. The mustache economy.

Yeah. Is incredibly ironic. It's drenched in irony. So even if a young guy thought, you know, I bet you that would really- My face would look good with a mustache. With a mustache. Yeah. But I live in the hipster part of town.

Yeah. And people would be like, nice stache, buddy. Yeah. No, I'm actually... I had a stache like three years ago, so I don't want to like... You're not reinventing it. Exactly.

My seat... I actually... I want to phone my father today and ask him because when I was a kid... Was your father a mustache man? Only... No, not at all. But when I was about 10 years old,

he tried one on for about maybe two months. And we have a couple of pictures of my dad with a mustache, and then it was never seen ever again. But I would like to know from him what the context was. Was this a trend back then, 1986, where people were wearing them for funny? Or was it like, did it make him feel younger? The previous 15 years, it was also a great mustache time. The 70s didn't start it.

Why didn't he have one before? But that's what I want to know. What was his motivation? Was it other guys at the office doing it? Did you get a hickey on your upper lip that you wanted to have? Maybe it was just a summertime bet. Or was his face, did he think his face wanted to have? You know, or was he like a summertime bet or something like that? Or was his face

like, did he think his face would look better? You know what I mean? Like, back then there was probably no ironic choice. Or it wasn't fashionable. But every man should try a mustache at some point. I feel like once you are able to

grow facial hair, every man should at least, even if it's just for a day. I look terrible with one, and I tried it. But you know it because you tried it. Yeah, and you know what was a – because of acting, I thought that was my cover. Oh, okay. I was just trying it, but I would tell people. People would be like, hey, nice mustache.

Are we growing a mustache? And I'd say it's for a role. It's for a part. Did you grow the full beard and just shave it? No, I can't do any. I can't do the beard either. Well, we saw District 9 yesterday, and the lead character has a weird little tie.

He had a tiny mustache. It's a big mustache, but it's faint. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? Like, it just doesn't come in bushy? Or maybe he hasn't been growing it long Like the Errol Flynn kind of thing?

No, it's just very light The whole upper lip is full, but it's not bushy Yeah, like some guys Like Jack Layton's mustache You could forget that guy has a mustache Unless you were looking right at him Like if you picture him in your head He looks like a guy who has a mustache

There's nothing ironic about it He's like a guy who has a mustache. There's nothing ironic about it. He's the one guy keeping it out of the irony scope. How did it start, though, the ironic mustache? I think seeing things like what you saw, like a picture of your dad. Yeah, I'm going to make fun of that. I'm going to do that. I think it started with Boogie Nights. You think?

Yeah, that whole thing. What? The whole irony thing? The whole... Wouldn't it have started with the Beastie Boys' Hey Ladies? Wasn't that when they were like, hey, the 70s? Sure. Remember how kooky that was?

Yeah, that and that. The other thing. But I think it's the 80s and dads and stuff. I think that a lot of the ironic hipster kind of stuff comes from just this fascination of like people like revisiting their childhood sure yeah you know mustaches i hope they unironicize themselves i know and just become regular like i want to have a friend who's just like got a mustache and it's not like funny or easy and we don't have to talk about it yeah not us now but yeah just got a mustache, and it's not funny or easy. And we don't have to talk about it. Yeah. Not us now, but you and your friend. Just in general, yeah.

And me. It's just like, oh, there's Brad. Yeah, he's got a mustache. Well, you don't even have to say that, because it's understood. Brad has a mustache. Should we move on to some listeners? No, didn't you have another one to bookend? Oh, yeah, bookend.

And furthermore, why didn't we talk about this during the Tom Selleck? I don't know. I'm not in control of where this... Right, the heart wants what it wants. This is not... I mean, this is a real quick one. But same type of girl as my other one. Yeah, I don't know why I'm sort of drawn to what they have to say.

But I was walking down the street one day... Because they say it loudly, that's why. Yeah, exactly. And are oblivious to the stuff that comes out of their mouth. Anyway, we're walking down the street. In front of me is someone walking a dog. Fairly skinny dog. Fairly skinny dog.

Like a sausage dog? No, just like a skinny dog, but doesn't look malnourished. I mean, it's just a skinny dog. It's a lean dog. Kind of, you know, a greyhound or something. You can see the ribs. It's just like one of those dogs. And this girl approaching, walking by,

and I just catch her as she passes me. I'm behind the dog. I hear her say to her friend, Oh my God, that dog is so emancipated. oh my god, that dog is so emancipated. Dog's name is Mimi. And I thought, what an idiot. She meant to say emaciated.

And I went home, and the definition of emancipated kind of fits. So maybe she did mean that. Yeah, it's free. Yeah, it's free. Wow. Is that a good bookend? That was a great bookend. so maybe she did mean that yeah it's free yeah it's free it's like wow anyway is that a good bookend? that was a great bookend and it was great

because you brought it back right into we've got some listener overheards should we do the red ones? yeah sure alright the first overheard we have is from Paras M

I met this gentleman I've got first overheard we have is from Paras M. I met this gentleman. I've got an overheard for you. I was at a friend's wedding in Vancouver a couple of weekends ago. It was a relatively small ceremony. It was held outside on the UBC campus. When the declaration was made, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. The groom obliged, and the new Lueds kissed for a few seconds.

Then, with perfect timing, a little girl in the audience says loud enough for everyone to hear, I don't want to get married ever! Classic little kid at wedding. I like that. I don't think I ever went to weddings as a little kid. I went to at least two when I was a little kid, and they're so boring, and you're just waiting for your chance to show off your kidness. Because everybody's waiting for it.

I was a flower girl. Or if there was other kids there. Yeah. You compare penises. Yeah. This is from Adam H. I was at an Apple store in my local village waiting. Local village?

No, maybe it's a store that sells apples. It's possible. Although he's from St. Louis. Has it broken up into villages? Is that how it works in St. Louis? Apple computer store in my village. Waiting for my appointment to get my computer fixed. I was sitting next to the

tutorial part of the store where a mid-40s guy was being helped with iTunes by a mid-20s Apple rep. Throughout the entire conversation as the Apple guy, we'll call him Justin Long, would tell him features that he could do, Mr. Mid-40 would use terms like bitchin' and frickin' to describe his elation with his newfound toy. I know JL was amused as I was. to describe his elation with his newfound toy. Oh, frickin'.

I know JL was amused as I was. This guy was really dating himself and should just stick to mid-40s language. They discussed different podcasts, and he threw out a few podcast topics that dated him even more. It sounded really like a culmination of his midlife crisis was happening right in front of me. life crisis was happening right in front of me. The final blow came when Justin showed him that you can use your iPhone to pause your computer's iTunes from another room, to which Mr. Mid-40 sincerely replied, Kicken, this will be great when I'm watching Two and a Half Men.

So thank you very much for that. The next one comes from Erica L. I haven't overheard from last week that I'd like to share with you. I was just leaving J.G. Bean on Main Street, and there were two middle-aged women sitting outside. They were chatting away, and I walked by just to hear one woman say to the other, I'm going to treat myself to a colonic next week. Treat yourself.

What a treat. Thank you for that. Erica? I like to treat someone else to a colonic. This one's on me. It's on me. This one's on me. No, no, no.

Literally. Put that away. You surprised them at the end of the colonic, and you go, no, no, I got it. This one's hers. hers um you got the last one so this one's on me okay um this is a weird one that uh because i think we got it sent in by two separate people uh this is from nicola w and this is from toronto it's a poster that was up on the corner of dundas and McCall, but I think two separate people sent in this one.

I think you're right for it. Wanted, if you know a notable actor slash actress to play my mom in a fringe show July 1st to 12th, please let us know. Chooch, Bummy, Bum, and Ungule from Child to Man Child. She kind of looks like Elizabeth Taylor. That ad, you would get nothing from that ad. The first part made some sort of sense, and then it just descends into gobbledygook. Sure.

But then there was another person who sent it in with the actual photo, and that's actually literally what it says. So that was from Nicola in Toronto. And I think I have one or two more. Yeah, I have two more. Can you handle it? Hey, this is from Christian G. Hey, gents. While waiting in line to see a movie the other week, there was a Spanish

fellow behind me talking on his cell phone. He was small in stature with questionable facial hair. Mustache. Ironic. And in his mid to late 20s. I didn't catch the first part of the conversation but tuned in to hear him say quite sternly and at a rapid pace

you better get me that motherfucking Black Forest ham because you know I want a fucking Monte Cristo that's pretty good and I added my own accent to jazz it up was he Latin? well he said he was a Spanish looking guy and that's why you sounded like Ricky Button.

Yeah, I made some acting choices. It's all about choices. That's what the craft is. Have you seen The Craft? Yeah. It's The Craft or Hitch. What did I say? What was the movie?

Not Hitch. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Those are the two that seem to be on the... What's that movie about Hitch? What's that movie about? Oh, it's called yeah yeah yeah those are the two that seem to be on what's that movie about hitch it's that movie oh it's called hitch i don't think so no it is will smith plays hitch you know the guy hit yeah yeah will smith plays hitch yeah uh in a movie i think it's called being hitch or about hitch it's a perfect film. Let's hitch this shit. This is from Paul B. I was out on the deck of my house

and a 10-year-old kid next door was talking to me over the fence, telling me that he's having a lot of problems getting to sleep lately when his 8-year-old brother joined him and said, yeah, he's got enzombia. Classic kids.

Am I right? They say some of the most darned things. So thank you very much for sending in your overheards. They're greatly appreciated. If you want to send them in to the podcast, you can send them to stoppodcastsoryourself at gmail.com. And Dave, we have some listener phoned in. Yeah, we would rather you called them in to 206-339-8328.

206-339-8328. 206? Yeah. That's a Seattle location number because we get it for free. Wow. Yeah. And we pass the savings on to you. So how much am I saving by being here today? You're saving it all.

Yeah. You're going to be able to buy. It's all profit. Yeah. I'm making money. Well, you're getting free beers. Yeah. Okay. Good. So that's free beers. Yeah, okay, good. So that's 206-339-8328.

Hi, Graham and Dave. My name is Kaylin. I'm from Vancouver, B.C. Huge fan of the podcast and your stand-up comedy. Just had the best overheard on the bus the other day. best overheard on the bus the other day. As we all know, the gal that was the founder of the Special Olympics has just died, so I guess they were talking about the Special Olympics. Girl number one goes, oh, my aunt was in the Special Olympics. Girl number two goes, oh, why? Girl number one, because she's retarded, okay? God, you're an asshole. Girl number two goes, oh, I meant what sport?

And that's my overheard. It was pretty funny, but I guess I'll enjoy it. Thanks. Bye. I guess it's okay because she's related to her. That's why she can stay retarded. Is that how it works? I guess it's okay because because... She's dead.

No, the founder. Oh, the founder. Oh, right. Yeah, but her aunt was... The founder, I believe, was Eunice Kennedy Shriver. She founded the Special Olympics. No, she just found them. Yeah, they weren't.

She unearthed them. They already existed. It already existed, like full infrastructure. Go ahead. Oh, no. Full infrastructure in place She just discovered them She came to a clearing in the woods And was like what's going on here

It's called the Special Olympics We've been doing it for years It's been perfectly preserved Like Pompeii I found it She came back to New York And held a seminar Like Pompeii. I found it! She came back to New York and held a seminar at a university and people didn't believe her. She had photos.

Like King Kong. Yeah. Et cetera. Yeah. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Erica of Fondue Restaurant in New Jersey fame. And this is an overheard for you also from my exploits in New Jersey. I was driving up to Garden State Parkway and I stopped at a rest stop to, you know, just stretch my legs and get some coffee.

It was very crowded in the restaurant. I almost didn't about face once I walked in the door. But I was standing in line and I overheard this old couple standing to the side of me, and the old woman had a cane, and the husband was standing next to her, and he said, you know, I'm going to go get food, but I really want to see you sitting. And she said, where? And he just replies with, down. That was like Burns and Allen. Yeah.

It was like, say goodnight, Gracie. It was like Kids Say the Darnest Things, but for the old crowd. For the old set. And she said, she referenced it at the beginning, she said,

of the fondue restaurant fame. She works at a restaurant in New Jersey that's all fondue. And it's famous? Well, it's just current. No, she's famous to us because we freaked out about it.

Yeah, because I've never... Like, just all fondue... Not since the 70s. I think fondue's coming back. Ironically? No. We have to make sure that it's not going to be entering us in an ironic way. So we should probably raise the prices so hipsters can't afford to go in there and make it ironic. Yeah, poor hipsters.

Or just pretend like it's a brand new invention. Like it doesn't have a history. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you heard of this thing? It's cool. It's a great way to eat. I actually love it. Yeah, yeah.

It's like sushi. When sushi first came out. People think Japanese people eat sushi every day, but sushi didn't come around until the 60s. Is that true? Yeah. Poker players invented it. Seriously, Japanese poker players. players, like they're sandwiches,

so they didn't have to leave the table. Wow. This guy knows a lot about the history of poker and or sushi. I can't read his sushi face. Hey, stop podcasting yourself. This is Evan Walsh from Indiana. I was just calling with an overheard. There was some creepy goth girl in my German class at high school.

Perfect. And she was trying to tell somebody that she saw somebody like them, although she couldn't communicate it properly. She said, I saw somebody that had all the same aneurysms as you. She was talking to somebody in a hospital bed? What word did she mean? Maneurysms. There it is.

Manichism. What was your overheard? It was that dog is so emancipated. Emancipated. And then we had inzombia. Wow, this is a real what do you call those? Wordplay? Portmanteaus?

No, that ain't right. Okay, one more. How's it going, fellas? This is Sean. I'm usually of Ireland, but currently for the last couple of months of Vancouver, I have been overheard, so I worked in a deli beside the waterfront sky train

station and i get a lot of people sandwiches blah blah making sandwiches for people and one time i was making sandwiches for this old guy and there was two girls beside him in the queue in the lineup now i wasn't serving them but anyway um i could hear them talking so the first thing the first thing they said was oh yeah so she went in and got it done, but it, like, totally fucked up. So my attention kind of went over there, 25% their conversation, 75% the old guy's sandwich. And then the next sentence I heard was, yeah, the laser, like, aggravated her follicles or whatever and then made them, like, stronger.

So now they cut the attention way over to their conversation. I'm only giving 25% to this guy's sandwich, okay? So I'm listening. What could they say next? And then she said, so she has to get waxed like every three days and she never wants to go out because she says she looks like one of the Kings of Leon.

Fucking amazing. My heart has gone out to the guy's sandwich. I am focused in on these girls' conversation. I cannot imagine what they could say to top it off. And then the one who's talking looked at the other one really seriously and said, yeah, she wanted to sue them, but apparently you don't need a license to use lasers. That's my overheard. Great podcast.

Thanks, guys. First and foremost, that is one of the key traits of people in Ireland, is they can't not, they can't tell a story undramatically. Like they can't just tell the story. Like, you know, like three acts.

Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and it had reference points. You could see it as a short, it was a tragedy. That's a film.

Yeah. That was a perfect film. And that's how they tell every story that they tell all my my relatives in Ireland, it would just be that type of story. Like, nothing happened, but you want to know how it ends. You're riveted. Like, I walked in the door. First off, here's the door. The door.

It's one of these doors. But that story, that was in the papers. The basis of that overheard was there was a girl who went and got laser treatment because she had some facial hair. And it backfired and the hair ended up growing in thicker and she had to get her face waxed. That's – and she was – The Kings of Leon guy looks like this? He used to. Yeah, he used to have like face waxed. And she was suing. The Kings of Leon guy looks like this? He used to. He used to have a devil beard. He used to have a pretty... They used to all have

facial hair. That was their claim early on, as they all looked like Creedence Clearwater. They used to be a good band, too. Well, their fans used to be hipper. We spoke about that last week. They came to Vancouver and their fans were the art gallery.

Yeah, the sausage party crafts. I like that, though. You don't need to have a license to operate lasers. Who knew? I'm going to get me one. I think you've come up with your new entrepreneurial plan.

Lasers, snow removal, and lasers. Laser snow removal. You guys still have the name. What was it? Majana. Majana. You can still use that name. Did you ever incorporate?

Majana. Majana. What kind of name? So good. Well, last week we promised, a long time ago we asked for your overseens of bad graffiti. Or great graffiti. Or great graffiti. You know, some people are kind of a glass half empty.

Yeah, I'm a graffitiist. Mostly awesome. Okay, well, what had happened was, I think at some point I was talking about my favorite bit of graffiti that I've ever seen. And it was on the bus. There was a sign that said, do not stand in stairwell. And somebody had kind of edited it so that it said, do handstand in stairwell. And I thought that was so funny. And so we put it out there.

We said, if you have some funny graffiti, because once in a while we get a piece of graffiti as an overseen. But then people did send them in, and we kind of waited until we had enough of a... If anything, we have too many now. Yeah, so we just kind of wanted to go through them, and Dave will be able to post some of them on the blog page, I imagine. This one is sent in from Katie G. I don't remember where we let off with these, but I don't think we had this one. No, yeah, I've

seen it, but no, we didn't talk about it. It's a note in a bathroom that says, please put the toilet paper back when you are done. Thank you. And someone has put an arrow and just said sick. That's what I'm talking about. That's the kind of great graffiti.

You didn't need to go out of your way to do it, but you did anyway. Steve W. found this tag in Vancouver's Chinatown, and someone's tag in Vancouver is Murphy Brown. The thing is that he always fires his secretary. What does that one say? It just says Relax 2010. I've seen Relax 2010. I've seen that around too.

You've only been here since June. What are they saying? Relax because of the year or the Olympics? Relax, Olympics. There's another... Is that an endorsement? There's one that says there's one that says riot 2010 oh i think this is a response to that oh i see riot 2010 and now relax just relax relax it's the olympics frankie said something about this okay here's one in it it says I am not credible I am not credible pay attention to my handwriting

because if I write bold statements in the future refer to this this was from Chantel in Vancouver thank you Chantel in Vancouver Patrick writes in with I thought you might enjoy this bathroom graffiti from a restaurant

in San Francisco. It says I have a Japanese Jewish girlfriend kosher sushi. Kosher sushi? I like that. Do you think that's what he calls her? Kosher sushi. And finally, Kevin W.

from a little town I like to call Chi-town. Chi-town. Oh, it's a sign that says batting practice against fence is prohibited. But someone has written in and altered it to batting practice against fence with your dick is prohibited. With your dick. Which brings us to another segment that kind of was half discovered. Right, like our dicks. Yeah, like our dicks. Which brings us to another segment that kind of was half discovered. Right.

Like our dicks. Yeah, like our dicks. Last week, one of these overheards was sent in. It was an overseen, and it was on the side of a high school. Somebody had drawn a giant penis. Classic. And with the inscription underneath, my dick hates this school. Very relatable.

So then we asked people, first of all, what does your dick hate? And second of all, how best to express what it is that your dick hates. And we got some good things that people's dicks hate. Is there anything that you would say off the top of your head? That my dick hates. Off the top of your dick? Off the top of your head That my dick hates Off the top of your dick Off the top of your dick What would I

What's my dick hate It's just become a You're more of a dick half full kind of guy Yeah like I'm a dick optimist My dick hates Hates It's like it's a good way of saying Ah shit I like

I really hate this thing Right But to say my really hate this thing. Right. But to say my dick hates this thing takes it to a... I feel it takes it to one level up. Mm-hmm. Because if you say, oh, I hate that, everybody says that now. Mm-hmm. It sounds...

You know, I've heard it, and it doesn't have that impact that the word hate used to have. But saying my dick hates this thing... You know what my dick really hates is the YouTube Bono commercial for Blackberry. Yes! I was talking about it on the way over here. I don't know this. It's like before movies and it's like on the internet, like before

you watch a video on the internet. It's the worst. The Edge is playing the same riff. It's like every song YouTube's ever... In an echo chamber. And then Bono sings a song about something awesome, but it's

for BlackBerry. It's an ad at a U2 concert and it pulls out and it's like BlackBerry is U2's future. Man, when I liked U2 it was when they stood for something. iPods.

Exactly. So my dick hates that. Your dick hates that, U2. Somebody named JeJuly, which I question the legit nature of that name, but just wrote in. This is all they wrote in.

With no, hey, I listen to the podcast or anything. All it is is, my dick hates Megan Fox. Boom. Full stop. Sure. Agree or disagree? Every part but my dick hates Megan Fox. Yeah, okay. Alright. We had

Ben G., who has written in many times before, said that the best way of expressing what their dick hates is a series of listeners submitted pictures with people thrusting towards things they hate, possibly, but wouldn't be able to do that with a Megan Fox unless you were lucky enough to be in the past guest Ivan Decker I believe he's currently touring in Saskatchewan wrote and drew a picture telling us that his dick ain't Saskatchewan understandable yeah I've never been but

I understand I imagine there's a lot of unironic mustaches there. I think that might be the place where mustaches still are... Mean something. Yeah. Stand for something. Exactly.

Tay Rowe sent us a message on Twitter that was, My dick hates this. And there was a link to pictures. It was a screenshot of all the junk email that he got telling him how to increase his dick size. Yeah. His dick hates that. Sure.

So thanks, everybody, for participating in the little My Dick Hates experiment. Dick hates. Including you, Pat. No, thank you. You came up with something i just like when you actually break down that sentence and like just think about like looking down at your dick and being like what do you what do you take yeah the dick wants what it wants um so uh before we like not in a sexual way what are things that your dick loves Yeah that's the problem It doesn't turn into a boner

It's just like it loves it My dick is over the moon about This parade These pants These shorts My dick just loves Christmas Cool breezes Talcum

So before we wrap it up Last week we wrapped this up we wrapped up the podcast this way and I kind of like the way that it ended on this note is we've been doing a thing and it's becoming a thing that I like is a lot of people sent in things on the topic it was basically things that you find

that you still enjoy despite the fact that you're much too old for them and you know that you know that you're much too old for them and you've and you know that like you know that you're too old to have the emotional or whatever response it is to that thing like somebody wrote in that they're they're in their mid-20s but they just watched every episode of the justice league and they cried several times while they watched them. Though they know that they're too old for that. I have one that's like, it's not a specific thing, but it's a behavior of mine.

I'm a very tactile person. Sure. And I've been doing this since I was a kid. If I come across, say, I don't know, a pencil and a little eraser that fell off from the end of the pencil, I will sit there for like an hour and sort of kind of half talk to myself, but mostly in my mind, pretending it's like a professional sport. I'll invent a game of flicking the thing across the other side of the room. Oh, okay. And I'll do that for about 30 minutes.

The whole time my brain going like,'re not a 10 year old what are you doing like stop doing that but i'll indulge in this whole fantasy in my mind i'm like got the commentator like totally inventing this like and it it's it's shameful so if there's so if you come across kind of a like not not necessarily a pencil and eraser but other things that could be used in that same kind of context. Yeah, like the other day, like we have this little message board at our house that has two little magnets that you can like, it's magnetized and you can put like a note on the thing. I started grabbing the magnets and realized that there was nails in our hardwood floor. So if I threw the magnet on the floor, it would inevitably get sucked to a nail on the floor.

Oh, wow. I turned that into a fictional sport that was on TV, and guys were good at it. No one's home. Lizzie wasn't home. I was doing this just by myself. And I stopped myself for 35 minutes after I was doing this. I was like, what are you doing? You're a grown adult on your hands and knees flicking a magnet across the floor pretending that it's televised well i can imagine like making a game out of that yeah because that sounds kind of fun yeah sure this is something you discover but like you made it up into a sport like i'm good at it i'm playing make believe nicknames yeah no i'm just

like i'd put myself in the role of like he's a champion like tiger i put myself in referee i forgot my whistle tweet um but yeah we do i think i'm just stating it and somebody else wrote in and said at some point we're gonna have to record a theme song for that segment. Some point. Dave says no. It's just that we've been recording these shows at the last minute. I like to have a few days to make the music for a theme. Otherwise, this show is going to be late.

No, yeah, I understand that. I say by the next time that we do this segment, I say by the next time that we do this segment we'll have at least laid the mortar that the bricks will stand upon that will be the theme song if you want to come up with a theme right now

and I can add music to it later you're too old that wasn't actually that wasn't bad you're too old for forget it that wasn't bad that's pretty good yeah anyway that's pretty good um somebody suggested it should be like the lion king no it's that it's that yeah will you do trumpets yes yeah well mini trumpets mini trumpets um Mini trumpets. Forget it.

Do you have anything coming up that you want to plug, or is there an online kind of activity? No. Nothing? If people want more of Pat Kelly, where can they go? Yeah, where do they find you? They can find Good Morning World reruns. Yeah, which is actually, that's all down right now.

Everything's down. Like, I really don't have any presence online at all. You could Facebook me, I suppose. I'm going to try to maybe do a little bit of entertaining on that. Why not? In that realm. That's why people go to Facebook, to be entertained. Yeah, I think they should be.

Agreed. That's why MySpace broke down. Not entertaining enough. It doesn't entertain anybody. All that music. Do you have any upcoming shows? Or you're just kind of discovering the city? Yeah, just discovering what all Vancouver has to offer.

I'm doing a little bit of improvisation. Down with the Sunday service. Yeah. Down with the sickness. Which happens every Sunday night at the Hennessy at, I believe it's 8.30? No, it's 9 o'clock. 9-ish on Broadway

at Manitoba. So there's a better than good chance you'll be able to catch Pat Kelly down there, along with past guests Ryan Beal, Taz Van Rassel, Aaron Reid. I think he's sitting in for a summer session Dave

you have a show I would like to promote this upcoming Tuesday please come down to the Biltmore and Taz and I Taz Van Rassel and I are putting on a show called Arrogance it's half stand up half improv

and all hilarious all hilarious which i'm gonna be doing that with taz there you go be there yeah so if you want to see if you're jonesing for some uh pat kelly dave shumka action tuesday night at the biltmore yeah place to catch it and the following week or i guess the weekend uh the 5th of September, I will be in Seattle at the Bumbershoot Festival at the Canadian Comedy Show. Or as my brother said, it should be called the Canadians of Comedy. Yes, Canadians of Comedy. It will be 3 o'clock in the afternoon at the People's Republic of Comedy stage. That's exciting and i will be in victoria that same weekend uh doing stand-up

comedy at heckler's comedy club it's just a name yeah don't heckle i'm all right with it um but and everybody as we said before if you want to send in anything by email stop podcasting yourself at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com or calling us is 206-339-8328, 206-339-TEET. And check out the blog that accompanies this podcast each and every week at StopPodcastingYourself.blogspot.com. And please tell your friends if you enjoyed this show. That's how we're able to make it grow. And come back next week for another enthralling episode of stop podcasting yourself