Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 775 - Bita Joudaki

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Comedian Bita Joudaki returns to talk Backstreet Boys, Subway service, and bad documentaries.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 775 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's a vision in yellow, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, you noticed. It's a very subtle yellow. It really screams movie theater popcorn, you know?

Yeah, it really screams put me in a coal mine coal mine tweet tweet put me on rye with a smoked meat sandwich something like that absolutely big yellow sweater today guys so cold well not really that cold but it's a nice warm sweat it's yeah it's a nice warm sweater it was cold today it was rainy and uh just or just going out walking the dogs oh the just bone chilling rain yeah yeah time to you know build a fire even if you don't have a fireplace build a fire wherever you are Just going out, walking the dogs. Ooh, the just bone chilling rate. Yeah, yeah. Time to, you know, build a fire, even if you don't have a fireplace. Build a fire wherever you are. Small, even a small one in a can.

I have a new house in my neighborhood. Oh, yeah. And they have a fire pit in the backyard. I guess fire pit, fireplace. They have a fire. They have a chimney with a fireplace in the backyard above the fireplace pizza oven. I love it. That's what that's how I design houses. If people would let me, but they will.

Yeah, I do pizza. I do pizza oven first. We go pizza oven out. Yeah. And then I build around it. Our guest today, a return guest here on the podcast. One of the all time greats. She is a comedian and a filmmaker.

And she's with us here today. It's Bita judaki hello hi she's a voice man yeah that's right she's a woman of a thousand voices hello the accent queen of toronto yeah that's what they call me now what was that what what was that accent oh well i i hate that i do it but you know like hello yeah like australian like an aussie like an australian kind of person yeah but i feel deep shame around it yeah can you say oh can you say no with an australian nar yeah that's good

okay yeah you're halfway to a hugh jackson or jackman impression so hugh jackson that's good okay yeah you're halfway to a Hugh Jackson or Jackman impression so ooh Hugh Jackson that's my new character yeah it's Hugh Jackman but he's wearing one glove

um Bita it's so nice to see you you're on probably a little more whoa whoa whoa whoa Graham we have things to say

before we do that's right before we get into the important stuff like what uh-uh uh do you want to get to know us yes oh get to know us oh no she's like i'm trying to do a cardi b impression how's it going as an australian cardi b yeah oh would we ever be so lucky oh oh car can't do it um how have you been how have you been in the last while how uh how is i've been good i miss you guys is that weird to say i've only known you for 13 years is that

you only have you known us that long i guess so i think so but i think i i only see you when i do the podcast that's true you oh and uh i think i yeah i think i see graham more in real life yes and i've seen you perform stand-up comedy and you're so funny you're so good at it you should be doing when do you see have you when have you seen when's the last time you guys saw each other i saw date um oh my gosh. I saw Graham. Sorry. It's okay. I saw Graham. Okay, yeah. I remember clearly. It was when you were doing the stand-up for like 36 hours.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the old little mountain. I still have a cringe moment from that night that I think about at least once a day. So this is something that's truly haunting you. I wrote a joke. Okay. You guys were all...

For people who don't know this show, Graham performed 24 hours. She said 36. I'm happy to let the legend grow. Graham did 72 straight hours of comedy. And then he died. He doesn't have to come up with all the material himself. There's a rotating team of comedians. And some of the comedians are rotating as well.

We're on a rotisserie. Who will just come in and put jokes in a hat and he'll read them out loud. Yeah. Even if he doesn't want to. Yeah. There's a couple that I was like too, too hot for TV. Okay.

Okay. Listen to this. You guys were, I came in, you guys were riffing so hard on come. That was about eight hours of it. So I was like, I was like trying to fit in.

so i was like i was like trying to fit in and there um uh um oh my gosh what's his name again there was a comic named um what's his name again oh my god'm going to be roasted for not remembering. Oh, you're going to be rotisserie like all those rotating comedians. What's his name? He's Christine's friend. And Brent. Brent Constantine. Brent Constantine.

Yeah. So I wrote Brent Constantine. More like Brent comes on trees. Brent comes on trees. And then, and then you, and then you opened it and you were like, so it disgusted. You were like,

I can't read this, but then you read it. Of course. But I was like, how did that, how is that too far? When you guys have been saying the grossest shit for like hours? Did you remember his name by going backwards from the joke? I sure did.

I know it rhymes with comes in trees. I sure did. Yeah. Sorry, Brent, if you're listening, I'm so sorry. I just saw him. You should have apologized then. Yeah, what was he doing? Was he inside a tree?

He was coming on trees. Oh, shit. So that was just reportage, what you were doing. That was just the way it is. Oh, no, I'm sorry for that too, Brent. We, during that thing, there was at least three chunk of hours through maybe four that was obsessed with milton burl's penis that was an ongoing yeah i was there for that and i i have no idea who that is so still to this day even after you've heard about his gigantic penis

never googled the lad no who is that is that who is that he's an old he's an old-timey uh comedian oh okay like one of like a guy that like smoked cigars that kind of like oh i see yeah okay and i think there was something famous uh about him i can't remember what it was oh yeah he uh used to come in trees and it was easier for him yeah it was easier yeah you could do it from inside so he yeah that's cool one of the men one of the one of the guys yeah are you jealous me jealous yeah the guys get to do all this stuff no okay okay well you're in the boy zone right now so uh yeah yeah i'll just never forget your face you look like so disgusted by my joke

and if you never brought it up i never would have known so there you go. That's that's good. You've been you've been doing stand up comedy. Yes. True. Yeah. Like a lot. A lot. What's your what's what?

What is your style? What are you? Are you in the independent rooms? Are you playing at comedy clubs? What are you doing? No, I have not yet played in any comedy clubs. I don't even know how to do that. I don't know. Why to do that?

That would also be a good question. No, I think you should do it, right? I don't know. Is it good to do it? Probably. If you want to make a little money, then it's good to do. But if you're just doing it for experience, then probably it doesn't matter. Right.

Yeah. But, you know, there's a lot of people that's the only places they work is in clubs they work there and like the guest spots and headlining and hosting and that kind of stuff but then there's like tons of good shows in toronto that you can just go up any old night of the week and do it what's the best tell me what's the best? Tell me what's the best right here and now. The best show? Yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know. No, she's on the spot. She hates it. Comes on Trees.

Okay. Where is that again? Where is Comes on Trees? Every Thursday where? On Come Tree Street. Okay. Yeah. Really? Okay. Comes on Trees. Comes Tree Street. Yeah. come on come tree street okay yeah come tree street yeah and how do I get there

I think we both know how you get there all the shows are fun there's a lot of fun that's not true I don't know I can't think of one are fun. There's a lot of fun. That's not true. Yeah. I don't know. I can't think of one. How many minutes of material would you say you have? Oh, God.

I feel like there's no question I can ask that that wouldn't be the answer to. Okay, I have like about seven minutes of material that is good okay and if i want to pad it with stuff that sucks yeah i maybe have like 14 no no 12 12 okay well that's good you have more good than sucky but you're ready to pad it out

for you know some sort of corporate work we need you to do 12 tonight we're the audience there's a 5 minute gap

that this 5 minute guy can't show up so we need you to stretch your 7 to 12 oh shit and we don't care if the audience hates it also

you seem like a big crowd work person I actually love crowd work can I only do crowd work sometimes it goes very bad and they hate me but once in a while

that's possible any day that's true i haven't had i haven't had anyone be like really mean to me yet but i'm sure it's coming oh yeah if you stick around long enough somebody would be like someone in the crowd work crowd yeah being mean to you or just like an audience member and on any night both Both, yeah. Yeah. It's the greatest craft there is. Yeah. What do you want? Do you eventually want to have a half hour or an hour and maybe record it?

One woman show? Yeah, one woman show? Also a possibility? I don't know, actually. And I don't want to think about it. Fair enough. I have no idea. I'm sorry.

You guys look so scared. Yeah, that's where the ones who look scared. I don't know. I honestly don't know. Yeah. Last time you were on the show, it was a famous episode that we, it was in the first year of recording remotely. Okay. A famous episode that we, it was in the first year of recording remotely. Okay. A famous episode

where we didn't record the episode. You recorded, I recorded, Graham did not record. And so we had to have you back a second time. Which was great. How have you been, have you enjoyed the rest of the pandemic? I haven't had COVID yet that i know that i know

of yeah i've been sick and tested negative yeah me as well i bet i bet that's covid right yeah oh yeah i've had covid what have i been doing i don't know i don't know. It's hard to say, right? Yeah. Well, these are, you know, these are hard questions. Um, why don't you take a walk around the blog, Graham? We'll do a little dance.

Oh, I can. Yeah. I, I wanted to make an, um, another cum joke. So,

well, don't hold yourself back. You know what I mean? You got one, go for it. I say, no, no.

Okay. Well, don't say I didn't offer to uh yeah i don't know what i've been doing honestly like not a lot working what are you working at where you work um i'm working i'm uh okay so i'm weird all right i'm weirdly working on kids tv okay after i spent 10 minutes talking about cum okay are you happy you got it out of me are you happy i'm tremendously happy yes yeah everybody knows that everyone worked on the muppets they were all naked down there the only thing they were wearing were puppets yeah mostly that's that's what i'm doing mostly yeah as like a uh janitor or am i a janitor yeah what is your job i'm like writing kids tv okay cool what did you think i said we said you were working on a kids show on you're working on kids tv so i didn't know what as a janitor yeah do you uh do you because like i haven't watched a ton of kids tv but whenever i go to my parents

and they have uh my nephew over he likes watching whatever fucking thing on netflix do you write things like little jokes for the adults that have to watch this stuff. Cause there's some, some do it. Some happen in trees. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm, I'm,

I'm zooming in from a jail cell. So that you do write for TV, but they don't put your writing anywhere near on the air. She's too dangerous. That would be, that's, that's something that like, I think the world is ready for an incarcerated comedian to do like virtual shows. That's pretty sick actually. Yeah. That'd be cool.

Well, the way, cause like there used to be, I guess there still are, but guys were like, oh, my comedy is too dangerous for, for audiences. Yeah. All right. Well go lock yourself up and... Ha ha. Do it like you're a werewolf who's going to turn into a werewolf. I think...

Uh-huh. I think convicts would be a pretty good crowd work situation. I feel like. Oh, yeah. You would really build up a thick skin. Yeah, yeah exactly they'd try to stab you i don't know or would they yeah what's up with this guy's hair i'll kill you tomorrow the um yeah because there's like johnny cash did uh concerts in jails yeah yeah and yeah um then everyone loved him like they like cheered when he

said he shot that guy yeah because they're like he's speaking even more when they found out why i think um yeah someone else did that too and metallica did a did a video where they were in a prison that's right yeah and but i i want to see the comedians doing it but wasn't that that comedians doing comedy in in prison in prisons seinfeld get on that yeah i think there was when seinfeld ended seinfeld jerry seinfeld was on snl and they did a sketch where he was in prison because the Seinfeld finale ended with him in prison. So he was in the television show Oz. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, it was pretty funny.

And just being Seinfeld in a prison, exactly what you would expect. Whatever you're imagining, that event. Apparently it's been done. It has been done. I'm seeing Jeff oh yeah okay everything jeff ross is roasting inmates oh wow do you think you'd be good at roasts me uh yeah i i am i would i would i would kill myself on the spot i would not go well because you don't want to offend someone or you don't want someone to say something super mean no um yeah if someone says anything mean about me at all i i lose

all will to live all will to finish this sentence I can't do it. And it's like, I watched them though. Like I watched, um, I watched the Canada one. That's on crave. Oh yeah. Is it good? Is it fun?

It's good. Yeah. Some of them are so mean. I know. I'm the same. That's why I haven't done it because I'm like, Oh, in the moment it would be very funny.

But then like three days later, you're like people, is that how people see me? Is this how? Oh yeah. Well, cause it is, there's two sides of it.

It's the like, oh, I don't want to, I don't want to be seen as a guy who like can pick apart every flaw in beta. Oh my God. But I also don't want to be seen as a guy whose flaws are so obvious that I haven't even seen them. Okay, I have one for you, Dave.

Okay, here we go. Is it about my yellow sweater? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey. Hey. Yeah yeah it starts good the big bird called the big bird what why do you what's what's um i don't know something along along those lines. He called you?

Shut up. The big bird called. That is always a weird joke construct of like, so-and-so called, and I'm here taking messages for you. I'm his receptionist. I had to get a part-time job when my wife left me and anyway he says your shirt is stupid no i like i really like your shirt by the way oh that's okay this is why you'd be no good at roasting because you would immediately go no no you're not he's okay everybody right he's all right no no that's're not. He's okay, everybody, right? He's all right. No, no, it's really nice. That's always the best. That's always your trap door, your escape route out of a mean joke. It's like, oh, no, no, I love this guy.

You know, oh my gosh. Okay, you know what I was thinking about? This just happened to me. Okay, so I do actually think being mean is funny. Yeah. And whenever I'm, okay, sorry'm i'm like freaking out right now because of that roast battle you just had to be a part of i was like i was so excited oh beat is really going beat is gone to something finally

no hold on i have something to say okay here we go so i i was at an improv show and my um what were you doing there janitor i was the janitor yeah and we did like a funny opening and then at the end this guy nicole was on my team nicole passmore and then um where's the story going? Somewhere. I'm bored just saying it. We're not going to get anything out of it. Okay, hold on. Hold on. I can do this. I can do this.

I can do this. Okay, so are you guys with me? Yes. Graham, please tell me you're not recording. Okay, hold on. Hold on. So, yeah. So this guy was like, that was a really funny opener you guys did.

And then I was, and then immediately I was like, don't steal it. And I like pointed at him. And then I looked at his face and Nicole's face and they were horrified. And then I had to be like i'm just joking because to me that's an obvious joke but then okay the next day i'm like gossiping no this is the best you're just talking next day nicole sent me a message and she was like, she was like, it was just so cool that you were. OK, what did she say? OK, hold on.

Nicole, I'm so sorry. She was like, I was just so stunned to hear someone be as blunt to be so blunt. I was like, I was 100 percent joking. I was 100% joking. But I think sometimes I think people know I'm joking, but they walk away being like, oh, Bita's really mean. Yeah. Bita's crazy and mean.

You can be like, yeah, the queen of mean, you know, Joan Rivers or something. No. Bita's not mean. Bita's random. Oh, yeah. Okay. That just, okay. Never mind. I i'm not gonna say that sorry okay but what do you think of what i just said that don't don't steal it steal it no that like sometimes people are joking being mean but then it's like oh no that's their whole that's

actually there that's people just think they're mean so yeah i'm that way you, that's actually their... People just think they're mean. Yeah, I'm that way. You are. That's true. Yeah. What do you think I think? What do you think I think of that? I think it's very hard. And Dave, that's why we're such close friends.

Yeah, we've known each other for 13 years. We've seen each other eight times. We're besties. That's so funny. Oh my gosh, sorry. I feel like I just had a manic, like, that was crazy how much I just talked. I know, I loved it. Yeah, it was great.

Yeah. I mean, we're not here to do much else. Yeah. Oh my God. I had a long day, so I'm feeling a bit loopy. What is a long, oh, tell me, how'd'm feeling a bit loopy. What is a long... Oh, tell me, how'd you start your day? Yeah.

What's your morning routine? Give us a glimpse. I woke up at 9.45. Nice. Had to start work at 10 a.m. Noon's already on its way. You're starting at 10. Noon's just around the corner.

Are you... Is this in office or on computer it's on zoom so i'm also like working as a writer's assistant in in writer's rooms for like adult comedies okay i did that today and it's it's a very exhausting job yeah it's just like i have to pay attention so hard yeah it's a and a writer's. It's just like, I have to pay attention so hard. Yeah. It's a, and a writer's assistant. It's not like you,

if you're on zoom, you're not like, you know, going out and getting snacks or coffee or anything. No, no. I'm just taking notes and, and laughing at people's jokes.

And, um, yeah. Do you have to force that laughter? is it are they being funny what's no okay it's it's very funny it's a very funny show yeah um is uh like because writers rooms will often go for like 11 or 12 hours is this just a nine to five or ten to sixer this one luckily is just like eight hours that's but then i have to edit the notes after and that takes me a few hours so so you're just jotting down everything that everybody's

saying or yeah all the ideas all the jokes yeah jesus that sounds like a really hard job do people because i've been in these situations as well does Do you think anyone ever looks back at the notes? Literally, no. I don't think anyone looks at them. I work so hard. I don't think anyone ever looks, but that's okay. I'm living my dream. Yeah.

So have you been at this very uh very camera the whole day yeah i've been looking at myself the whole day yeah okay and do you like what you see when you look at yourself in the zoom camera do you like what you see you know i have a lot of things to work through um don't we well let's get started yeah exactly let's break this down into chunks what do you want to work through. Don't we all? Well, let's get started. Yeah, exactly. Let's break this down into chunks. What do you want to work through first? Maybe like my communication skills.

Okay. But you gotta have good skills to do that kind of job. You have to have good communication skills, right? Maybe. Where do you feel your communication skills lack i was just joking to be honest i don't know i know but people people think you're mean and it turns out you're just joking oh yeah you're right oh my gosh oh my god why is this a therapy session a lot of the times you're just joking people actually think are true. That's fucking crazy. This could be

a therapy session. Yeah. Graham and I have half of a degree each. Do you really? What are your degrees? Oh, I have a full political science degree. You do? Why do I not know this? I've known you for 13 years.

But I was was thinking about how because someone said something was insane and it occurred to me that like i took one psychology class in college and it was like psychology 100 or 101 which is what they call what do they call that like a survey course uh it's not like you're not getting in you're not writing essays or anything you're there's you know 200 kids in the class or 200 people in the class and one professor who is just giving a lecture and people raise their hands and who don't know anything about anything and it was just introduction to psychology and there were so many times people like tried to censor themselves like it was this is 1999 and people are like hmm i don't want to say when this the question would always start with

okay but when someone's crazy but the person would be like i shouldn't you could tell that they were stopping themselves from saying crazy. That's true. Okay, so when someone's like, hmm, insane. And the professor would always be like, insane is a legal term. Ah. It's not a psychology term. Okay. Interesting. Is that, but like, not guilty by reason of insanity?

Is that? Yeah. Okay. and it's also used uh in a song by cypress hill that's right insane that they started it yeah yeah they invented the term cypress hill one on 101 um it wouldn't go much above that how could you get a degree in cypress hill you couldn't there's only i'm sure you could actually can you get a degree in Cypress Hills? You couldn't. I'm sure you could, actually. Can you name a second song? Hold on. No.

Yeah, no, I don't think. They had one song that was So You Want to Be a Rock Superstar Live Large, a Big House Five Cars, You're In Charge Of course. The world don't trust nobody gotta look over your shoulder constantly i know that i know that song is that rap rock that was probably their rap rockiest uh of the two songs i know but 1999 i knew prime there was

rap rock yeah there was also um yeah uh was there like a hit from the bong was that Cypress Hill song it sounds if not them it sounds stolen but from them because that's their whole jam yeah Bita what was the popular music that you hated

when you were a youth define youth anywhere from from yesterday until anywhere would you an age where you would have been listening to popular music so like what do you say like 12 maybe 12 and forward would be when you'd be like conscious of like what's hip what was also what's the first album you ever bought yes okay okay okay i want to learn more about beat up i think the first album i ever bought was back the first backstreet boys album nice sure nice me too i think i believe it did you love them i

fucking loved them yeah who is your favorite okay so unfortunately my favorite was brian because it's unfortunate because he's now bad yeah he's like a trump supporter now but back then he was like the funny one he had the best he had the best personality i would say yeah okay basketball he was brian b rock latrell wow so they called him fan club over here He had the best personality, I would say. Yeah. And he played basketball. He was Brian B. Rock Littrell. Wow. That's what they called him. B. Rock. Fan club over here.

Fan club much? Um, awkward. My kid's TV writing is coming out. Um, so you said that. Oh, that just happened. So you said that. that just happened so you said that yeah so and this is a kid's show where we're just like learning about the letter g yeah i liked him and um but i also liked nick um obviously sure that was that's a given absolutely and he's a bad man too they're all terrible i think except you know what i think except for aj kevin and howie so they're all bad except for

60 of them no no those three are good those three are good yeah and then i know but there's only two bads yeah yeah who's the guy that wears all the hats what's his name see i think that's aj i think you're thinking aj kevin was boy i think looking back what was he but he was also like well okay he was like 25 but but aaron was like 14 well aaron was aaron wasn't in the... Oh, shit. Sorry. Oh, my God. Nick, I'm so sorry. It's okay. Yeah. I mean... Who am I sorry for? Yeah, at least you weren't doing the eulogy and

screwed it up. Oh, no! I think you're fine. Oh, no! Have you ever been... Here's a thing that happened to me once. Funeral. The priest says the wrong name. That's a real Ross and Rachel moment. And said the wrong name big time. Like, not even close.

What happened? Okay, first of all, what were the names? I don't want to say. Okay, yeah, don't say. But I'll say the wrong name. Okay, okay. The real name was a normal person's name. Yeah. Okay. The wrong name was a normal person's name. Yeah.

Okay. The wrong name that the priest said, Ralph. Is that close to the... No. It's not even close. Not at all. I think it was a very young person and it was... I feel like the family didn't really want to maybe participate much in the ceremony.

And they had the priest just, the priest kind of just had like a fill in the blank thing. Like, here's some facts about the guy. I see. They also, maybe like the Ross and Rachel thing, maybe he was thinking of somebody that he hoped would be dead.

I take the Rachel. Yeah. I take the Ralph. Oh, well, did it, did people, was there a brevity about it did people laugh so much brevity and levity did i oh shit can you take that out no

he's gonna put it in no no instead of the theme song you know what that's the first time i ever tried to use that word and i'll never use a new word again yeah you're don't tell anyone i did that you're 15 days into your word of day calendar and it's biting you in the ass um how oh my god sorry i feel fucking insane right now well we did dose you we we said we uh i know we're in a different city but we arranged to have a little microdose uh put in your bottle of water someone else used a word today that i was like that's not i have never heard that word in my life do you remember what was but i can't i couldn't tell you i think it was brevity it's actually a really good girl's name that is you should tweet that yeah these

are my daughters brevity and halo and that's my son ralph so i don't i don't know anybody named ralph i don't think i ever have I know a guy named, I do Ralph Wiggum Oh you don't know him He knows you though but you don't know him No I actually do though Not joking, 100% real What's his last name?

Don't dog's Ralph It was always a word for barf And it was like my dad kind of called sometimes called me that it's like a pet name he called you barf he called me get over here barf no ralph oh if if i was around back then how old do you think we are actually that should be the game we play now dave does know a lot about the backstreet boys but that might just be because

he's broken anyway i'd punt i'd give him a punch up i'd be like you should call him barf it'd be hilarious um, piss stain. Are you talking about my yellow sweater now? Yeah. Okay. Um, why do you feel insane? What's going on in your head that makes you feel? I'm starting to feel it too.

I don't know. Anytime I'm around you guys I just go Do you like it? Or like is this a bad like sometimes in the early early days

you would just like laugh the whole time you were on the show and not say a word I was so nervous in the early days and then you would so you would laugh

you wouldn't say a single word for 90 minutes and then you'd be like and then you'd say hey can I come on the show? And we'd be like, do you want to? Or like, we feel like this is an uneven relationship where we're taking advantage of you. Well, you were. But no, I liked you guys so much.

And I had just no idea what your references were. Yeah, fair. For being like, I have no idea what they're talking about. And then also, I'm very shy. That's just a fact. Yeah. Yeah. I remember one of the times we were recording.

I can't remember when. But I asked you where something was. And you said, have you ever considered looking up your asshole? Oh, that was like two years ago. I just remember that being a real high point. This is why people think you're mean. That was very, was that, that was very funny. It was very funny.

Yes. But you see, I'm only comfortable saying it because I know you don't know. You don't think I'm serious. Yeah. You like that? You know what I'm trying to say? That person is going to be scared of you for life because of the way that you laid down the law. Steal it.

But when you come over here and be like, hey, fuck you, you egg yolk fuck. I did not say that. I know, but basically. Oh, sorry. Pissed in. Pardon me. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Oh, my God.

Me? Yeah, you. Well, I didn't make any New Year's resolutions. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. But I probably should have because I have been eating very badly.

Oh, okay. What are we talking about? Well, today I was like, what am I talking about on the podcast? I've got nothing. And the last thing I talked about was a bunch of am I talking about on the podcast? I've got nothing. And the last thing I talked about was a bunch of movies I saw before the new year. Like nothing's happened in the last two weeks. Uh, but, uh, and this is also something that happened before, before the new year.

Um, so I, like today I, I've been skipping lunch a lot cause I've been having late breakfasts and then I'm like, well, I'm not really hungry at noon or one. And then, uh, about three o'clock rolls around and I just eat a bunch of peanut butter M&Ms. Oh, that's okay. Yeah. Today what I did was I didn't eat. I had breakfast. I didn't eat lunch. I came home from work and I ate one of those like Oreo ice cream sandwiches. Oh.

And then a bunch of peanut butter. Do you have that? Like, because post Christmas, maybe maybe have like a surplus of chocolates sitting around i'm still i'm still eating chocolates that are shaped like bells and taste like peppermint oh i had i every year i go ham on turtles and ferrero roches and i really overdid it this year because i had to go to the drugstore on Boxing Day, the day after Christmas. And they had like Ferrero Rochers were on sale for like 80% off. And I was like, I can't do it.

You gotta. I don't want one more bite of these things. Oh, you didn't buy them. I didn't buy them. I couldn't. Oh, that's a missed business opportunity. For who? For shoppers.

Yeah, Galen Weston. But here's what happened on. So I think my bad eating all started, all came from New Year's Eve. Okay. So New Year's Eve at about five o'clock uh abby and i were like oh we don't want to do we don't want to cook dinner you know what let's order uh subway the kids suddenly love subway the kids have a subway is good have begun their love affair with subway it's like le for food. You get to build.

Is it because they get it in school? They do get it every three weeks, one day in school lunch. Smart. Smart Subway. And I love it because they're very picky eaters. And so I love that they, if they can add one more thing to the list, that's not going to kill them. Well, this is debatable. But they love Subway.

So New Year's Eve at 5 o'clock, I'm like, okay, you know what? It's too early to order dinner. I'll wait for 5.30. I'll order it on my, I have the Subway app. Yes, excellent. What other features are there on the subway app besides oh there's like uh there's a thing where you can uh you know you put a filter on and it makes you look like you're a thing of mustard it makes your sweater look like it's made of mustard um there's a point

there's like a thing you put it up you turn your phone upside down and uh all the subways close all the sub sandwiches clothes fall off oh is there like a chat room function or just join the conversation with subway yeah there's a lot of like uh it's very it started off like totally they have um they've got uh boy uh find my phone oh nice nice yeah if you leave your phone at a subway they can find it for you um so i ordered these i ordered a sub for my daughters okay they would they like the the same sub. I ordered them a footlong and I was going to cut it in half. Footlong of what? What are we looking at here? Cold cut? Meatball? They're looking at ham.

Ham. Oh, delish. With lettuce, cheese, mayo and that's it. Oh. Basic. Right down the middle. Just like a classic sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. And then I myself like a classic sandwich. Yeah. And then I myself had a veggie.

Yeah. Are you a vegetarian? No. Okay. I withdraw, Your Honor. When it comes to Subway, I just like, I want it crunchy. Oh, yeah. Sure.

Yeah. It does get quite wet quite quickly that makes two of us oh Bita do you like Subway I had Subway today bitch yeah how far are you from a Subway like two minutes yeah me too you know what I had

today I was feeling a bit reckless I got the rap oh do you guys have that over there no we only have we have one big bun yeah i honestly though i wouldn't i'll never get it again it wasn't very good what was the was there any benefit like health-wise or something to do the rap or it's just a different shape i think it's worse for you actually i'm a big believer in uh grocery store sandwiches oh they're so good yeah yeah i and just like they're very cheap and they surprise you sometimes there's like you don't really enjoy them in the moment but then five minutes later you're like that was the best sandwich i've ever had yeah yeah i i am obsessed with sandwiches

and um sorry i live right by a there's a ambulance going by somebody ate too many hold for ambulance i hope it's no one i know ambulance clear ralph have you ever been in an ambulance no i'd like to okay okay okay the ambulance is gone okay good should i continue my boring story yes yeah about the sandwich and i actually want dave to continue because he never okay but you love sandwiches so much i just i just love i just actually, grocery store sandwiches are some of my favorite sandwiches. What's your favorite? If you had to pick one all-time favorite sandwich, what is it?

Just the ham. Just the ham? Ham, nothing else? Just ham and bread? I don't know what a sandwich is. At Safeway, they have a big uh dagwood they have like a gigantic it's probably i guess it's a foot long but it's wide yeah it's almost very wide it's a chode a chode i have a chode sandwich is that what they call it they don't uh but uh the But the other day, I was at a different grocery store,

and I had, I wish I could remember what store it was, because it was awful. It was like a... Guitar Center. Was it Guitar Center? I feel like they have hard sandwiches. It was a Chicken Caesar wrap. Oh, no.

Never do the wrap. Well, I did the wrap. Oh, no. Never do the wrap. Well, I did the wrap. Well, this sandwich is bad and it's wrapped in tortilla. Finish it, finish. See, you wouldn't want to be. Anyway. And I think they just forgot to put any Caesar dressing on it. It was dry.

Dry chicken. Well, that's good. Anyway back to subway yeah uh so it's new year's eve it's 5 30 i order these subs uh i get out of my front door i walk down the street i turn the corner i head over to subway it's closed oh shit they took my money and then so i was like oh damn it uh it's still early i can still order subs it's new year's eve though so like the the the subway in my neighborhood is notorious for just closing when there's not enough business like the sign says they're open till eight but sometimes they're not open till six wow Wow. And so I opened up the app. A bunch of subways weren't open.

I checked this subway was open. So I was about to order another sub from a different subway. It was open. I ordered. I waited the 25 minutes they told me to wait. I drove over. It was closed. Why do they say wait 25 minutes?

Because they're being dicks. I drove over. It was closed. Oh, shit. Why did they say wait 25 minutes? Just... Oh, my God. Because they're being dicks. So I returned home to my disappointed family. And... You're like, look at this chode sandwich I picked up instead. I should have gone to Safeway and picked up some chodes. Damn. But I...

And the worst part was... Because it was New Year's Eve. So eve so like i get people go home early they may be whatever the big switch that they have to flip in the restaurant to tell the app that we're closed they forgot to do it also they're probably on news eve they make themselves a party sub and then go over to a friend's house. Yeah. Eat it together. They meet in the middle at midnight. At midnight. But Dave, how does this lead to you eating unhealthy?

It's just, it doesn't really, it's hard to connect it. But I definitely didn't eat healthy that night. I certainly didn't eat healthy that night. I certainly didn't eat fresh. But the worst part was that I took the dogs for a walk the next morning at like 7.30. Guess what's open at 7.30 in the morning on New Year's Day? Fucking Subway. So did you run in and say, I've already paid. Did they take your money?

So I checked my credit card. One of my two orders was refunded on the spot. The other one I had to email them. And like a few times. Really? Wow. Annoying. Very annoying.

C'est d'être né avant. What? That was French. French for what? Annoying. Oh. One more time. Can you say it again?

C'est d'être né avant. Wow. wow do you speak french i love it do you why don't i know that about you um let's see how long have we known each other i'm learning so much about and we've known each other 13 years you know it was friday the 13th the other day that's right no idea i've never heard of that and today the day we're recording on january 16th is called the saddest day of the year oh i knew that yeah but they only i only see articles about that that are like it's the saddest day of the year is it though or here's some uh here's five laugh busters that'll get you through the saddest day of the year. On that list is Big Daddy. Oh, that was bad. Ninja.

Borat. Borat's on that list, absolutely. What's the hardest you've ever laughed at a movie, Bita? Oh, I don't know. What about you? I have no idea. I mean. I just got so mad I know

you really do need to work through some of your emotional stuff the hardest I've laughed in a movie was probably in a movie theater like I feel like in a movie theater I've laughed harder at movies in theaters than at home yeah of course

you're in the moment something about Mary, Austin Powers, something around there really? are you being serious? harder at movies and theaters than at home. Yeah, of course. You're in the moment. You're caught up. Something about Mary, Austin Powers, something around there. Really? Are you being serious? Naked Gun 2 and a half? No, I never saw Naked Gun 1 in a theater. Maybe Naked Gun 2 and a half? You think it might be Austin Powers?

I think it might be. Austin Powers was so funny when it came out. I didn't like Austin Powers 2 when I saw it. I thought they were reusing jokes. Oh. And they were. And they would reuse them a third time. Graham, do you know?

Do you know? It's something in that era for sure. I think it was probably Napoleon Dynamite. Because I had no idea going into it what it was about. I had no idea. Just somebody said, go check it out. And so I bought a ticket without knowing anything. That is crazy.

It made me laugh. Okay. For me, just to be a feminist. Yeah. Little women. I'm going to say. Bridesmaids. Yeah.

Was it? gonna say bridesmaids yeah was it i don't know if it was but i i did like it i that's what but that's what you were gonna say yeah be a feminist yeah you've ruined my joke i don't know if it was a joke oh that's the patriarchy for you though yeah it's true ruining jokes that's the patriarchy for you, though. Yeah, it's true. Ruining jokes. That's true. Like, what's the scariest movie you've seen in the theater? Have you ever been to a scary, like a spooky movie in the theater? Or like the scariest or the thing that scared you the most? Yeah. Yeah.

Like all the president's men or something like that. I don't think I got a feeling. You know what? You know what? To be a feminist. I'm going to say. You want me to guess? Megan.

I can't think of anything funny to say. I was going to say bridesmaids again. Would that have been funny? That would have been good. I guess we could, let's check the board. Yeah. That would have been good. Are you guys ever like, I just don't know.

What's the most scared you've been, Graham? Oh, paranormal activity. Paranormal activity activity did you actually make noises and stuff yes yeah really yeah so that's so funny it's uh because it's so long in the movie that nothing happens and then one thing tiny thing happens and you're like oh my god okay okay wait sorry not yeah no good But are you defining scared as jumping in the theater or going home and being scared someone's going to get you? Both.

Both of those things. Are you scared of ghosts? I mean, I don't have any friends that are ghosts, so I can't say. Okay, very interesting. Vida, are you afraid someone's gonna get you yeah like that's what i'm most scared of i first of all i just want to say i am loving this conversation i good morning so much about you guys

and yeah i'm scared someone will murder me in my sleep. That's where you want it, though. You want to be asleep when somebody murders you. I would hate, though, yeah, the two hours of running away from a guy. Or if you got up really early and you're like, I want to go back to sleep. And then somebody murders you and you don't get to go back to sleep. Movies don't scare me. True crime can keep me up all night. can keep me up all night.

Oh, like is it like current or in the past or just all true crime? What's your favorite murder? I guess that's a podcast. That is a podcast. But I'll like get up in the middle of the if I just watch

something scary, I'll get up and check to see that everything's locked. Oh yeah, it's weird that murderers always know that you've just watched something scary i'll get up and like check to see that all everything's locked otherwise oh yeah it's weird that murderers always know that you've just watched something scary that's one of their traits yeah but like anytime i've stayed somewhere that's out in the woods statistically that's like the least scary place to be in the world because nobody's walking around just in the dark woods, looking for somebody to murder. This is Graham. Your husband is going to murder you.

Right. That fucking guy. I locked all the doors. He can't get back in. Oh, it is a key. Do you think you'll ever get married? Um,

you like the movie bridesmaids. It might be kind of fun like that that i'm just saying that if you do if you don't get married you have less to worry about murder wise that's true that's true any any partner can a friend can murder you yeah yeah well with friends like those who need enemies look behind you i have a camera um what uh do you have a friend you think you might marry i thought you were gonna say that you think you want to marry oh yeah yeah lay it on here what friend do you want to marry um no i have no i i don't think i have any enemies at the moment. I don't think so either.

Yeah. Unless one of you want to come forward. No, we like to come forward. I'd like to come forward. Oh, I thought we liked her. No, I did. And then I found out she's no, nothing. Say it.

Oh my God. Say it. I will cancel your ass. That's why I'm not going to say it. Oh god say it i will cancel your ass that's why i'm not gonna say it oh i'm just joking i would that that was just that was one of my mean jokes by the way is that an empty threat did you get that i was joking yes you can tell she's mean when she refers to a person by their ass i'm gonna murder your ass i'm gonna cancel your ass it's synecdoche um uh sorry what was the question uh do you think you'll ever get married or do you have a friend you think will kill you what's that didn't we move on from that i don't know i know so little about you in these 13 years you're a real mystery i have you

know what people have told me that a lot actually that you're like you're hard to get to know or they're like you're so mysterious what do you do that you think is you're doing anything on purpose or just the way you are i do a lot of this that's with a coat oh she was covering herself with a cape i thought she was you guys like that yeah was it you were you were putting a cape over your face is that correct yeah she's so mysterious she does that every time and we asked her not to but we don't know what's going on in her head so yeah i like it would be very funny i guess you're not that mysterious it would be very mysterious if like after all this time you're like yeah i've been married for 10 years dave oh my god that would have been sick but you know

but when people say that i'm like um have you seen my twitter you know what i mean right oh let's should we go through your tweets no no no but i just mean you sure i just mean... You sure? I just mean, like, I'm not that mysterious. I have a fucking Twitter. And it should be said, Vida's one of the best people at Twitter. Best people who's ever done it.

She's super hilarious. She got really good the last couple of months. She really likes the new guy who's in charge of it. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, that's what's going on with me. I ate some had some trouble getting dinner on New Year's Eve and ate some weird snacks today and tried to link them. Do you think you're you think you're over your junk food binge or are you just you're just beginning? I feel like if I skip lunch, then I deserve food yeah that's right yeah just take ozempic that's something i was

learning today what's ozempic i see commercials for it you don't know it dave i know the commercials are before every movie the actors are non-union it's very annoying and non-actors what is it it's like well go on fam you i'm i only know that it's had something to do with weight loss i have no idea what okay so it's this um it's this diabetes medication that can also help you lose weight and all of these celebrities are on it like kim all the kardashians mindy kaling everyone who's got a diabetic no no no oh you don't it's it's like i i don't think that diabetics will die without it but it definitely helps them in some way that right i have not looked into.

And anyway, it's just very annoying because all of these celebs are like, yeah, I just diet and exercise. But it's like, no, you're on Ozempic. We're all on Ozempic. Yeah, you're on Ozempic. You've got a human growth hormone. Yeah, you've got

stem cells. You've got a personal assistant who's on Ozempic for you. Yeah. I took all your pills today, sir. Thank you. Now, you know,

go kiss my wife. I made a PG. You made it PG. This is my wife. please um anyway what's going on with you graham you want to talk about nothing going on boy oh boy do i have a double serving of that but i always have nothing going on and today i was really panicking about it. That was me today because I only got a negative COVID test like two days ago. You just had COVID? Yeah, his first COVID.

Oh my God. I stayed away from it this long. Wow, and you're a comic? That's crazy. Yeah, but he doesn't use microphones. Yeah, I only use a shower. I'm a town square kind of guy here you hear you you're ringing a bell that's a good funny it's about time like i think we're ready for a town square kind of town crier

yeah like oh you know what the guy guy, Dave Chappelle, his like, uh, mentor was a guy that would do that in central park. He would like stand around where, uh, tourists were like looking at buskers and stuff like that, like around a fountain or something. And he would just,

he would like start making fun of the people in the crowd and they fucking loved it. And he just like no microphone, just yelling at the crowd and they thought it was the best. So we need mentors. Yeah. I need need a mentor i'm in the market so if anybody out there is mentor day i'll mentor you guys okay that sounds good what should we do first first of all kiss my ass okay oh my mentor is so mysterious and mean all right um so yeah i haven't done much i've watched some films and i've watched some chopped which i believe i've talked about on this show before the tv show the tv show yes cool cool um do you have cable uh i do have something that's like cable because it came with a package

of stuff okay so it's uh here's how boring my life is sorry to interrupt no no yes here we go the other day i was walking my dog and i was listening to a podcast my dogs i walk them both at the same time and i was listening to a podcast and i paused for some reason because i was like huh i wonder if i could remember like watching cable in the 90s uh like watching tv in the 90s i wonder if i could remember what was on every channel oh channel two uh the listings channel three cbc channel four rogers channel five the knowledge network channel six check six channel 7 french cbc what channel 8 the weird channel that had like news but it was like uh information it was like uh text news channel 9 pbs channel 10

como tv 4 cl do you have photographic memory or bctv channel 12 kvos tvOS, TV 12, channel 13, UTV, channel 14, KSTW, Tacoma, channel 15, Cairo, Seattle, channel 16, King.

And then 17 to 23 were weird because it was like home. I didn't watch them. They were home shopping network. Am I still talking? Yeah. No, this is amazing. We're so.

Yeah. I can't remember. There was like, uh, between 17 and 23 is home shopping network the weather network um uh the bc legislature the uh the federal um like parliament and then a few other like channels i didn't watch then 24 much music much music was 24 at one point but then it was also 29 and i think it was also 27 at one

point this is where i got confused because i think maybe the first time we had tsn it was 24 oh and 25 was always say it with me beta a much music ytv 26 was news world 27 was much music at one point. Then I think 27 became PBS when 9 became VTV. 28 was Fox. KCPQ Seattle. 29 was

Much Music at one point. And 30 was TSN. 31 was A&E. 32 was the National Network. 33 was CNN. 34 was TLC. 35 was French Much Music or Much was CNN. 34 was DLC. 35 was French Much Music or Much More Music. And I think that's as far as I got. I feel like we just witnessed something historic.

I think I felt like I was in a fugue state. You know what? Okay. I think if you started a YouTube page and recreated all of these channels and got the got like the commercials or whatever or what was playing from that era you could have a following of like a hundred people that's all i want no i think that would actually i think people would love that but that's available on youtube i think you can look up like go search whatever city like search for your city and tv in 1996 and i'll show you but if it was all in one place on one channel anyway i mean whatever you're

envisioning i think you can do it i can can't. I forgot everything you've said already. Yeah, but you can just look it up. Yeah. And I won't do that. Okay, well then. She's been looking at a computer all day. She doesn't want to. Yeah.

She just wants to sit back and see it in her mind. That's crazy, Dave. She went to Subway and got a sub and then went back five minutes later and said, actually, could you wrap this whole thing in a tortilla? So get rid of the bun? No, no, keep the wrap this whole thing in a tortilla? So get rid of the bun. No, no, keep the bun. Roll it up.

Just ask them instead of paper, just roll it up with the tortilla. I'll take it to go. Um, Oh, vision was one of the channels as well. That was a Christian network. Wow.

You know, they do that sometimes on jeopardy where it's like, I'm Janet something from, you know, Tucson, six 95. Ohy where it's like, I'm Janet something from, you know, Tucson six 95. Oh yeah. I'm going to make a, make it so you don't get through all the questions in this round. Yeah.

Um, there was a station when I was a kid, it was called two and seven because if you didn't have cable, you could still get it by antenna on channel two. But if you had cable, you could have had on channel seven. channel 2 but if you had cable you could had on channel 7 and i don't i never understood it wasn't related to pizza 73 273 7373 oh i'm sure we saw we had uh ads that were on the i bet the there were like conspiracy theorists who thought it was all

related but this this is the thing and we've talked about it on the podcast and somebody's done a thing about it either you did it maybe on cbc music or somebody what that there was a uh musicians that wrote a song and then all these different tv networks used it but everybody that that had it used in there wasn't me yeah yeah they they thought that it was a song written about their city, but it was just like, song, song, your name here, song, song, song. Wow. Did it have specifics at all, like the mountains or the flight? It really pumps the city's tires. It just says that you're so great, we love you,

and then they would put in Denver. It was called Hello Calgary? Yeah, Hello Calgary. That's right. I think it was a, it might have been a This American Life or something. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds familiar.

I was blown away. When I found out, blown away. 50 different. It's like there's a Jack FM in every city. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have one in Toronto?

No, I mean, I don't know. know we could i don't listen to the radio yeah fair enough we could have six jack fms i'd have no idea that would be great competing decks um yeah yeah i interrupted you many minutes ago. What were you saying? You saw a bunch of shows? No, I was talking about his day. Yeah.

My boring ass week. My, my nephew said, that was the original title of this American life. I was talking to my nephew. He like, his mom was going to say, okay,

that's enough for now. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no. And she said, what do you want to say?

I wanted to ask him about his day. Oh, yeah. That's so cute. So if nobody else does, my nephew wants to hear about your day for two seconds. And then he wants. So you're two days COVID free. You watched a bunch of chopped. I watched a bunch of chopped.

I watched a documentary about a hitchhiker guy that was a YouTube celebrity. Oh, the hatchet man. Yeah, the hatchet guy. Was it good? Is it on Netflix? No, it's not good. And yes, it is on Netflix. That's their slogan these days.

We've got it. It's bad. But yeah, it was definitely like there's probably about half an hour worth of story in there. It's pulled, you know, like over an hour and a half. And there's one guy they interview who was, he was a guy who booked them on Jimmy Kimmel,

but they kept going back to him for insights into who this guy was. I spent 40 minutes booking this guy in my entire life. That's very funny. What have you ever seen the documentary about the document i spent 40 minutes booking this guy in my entire life that's very funny what have you ever seen the documentary about the guy who was wanted for a crime and they discovered they couldn't find he had an alibi he was at a baseball game and they could not find any yes thing corroborating that and then they found out that uh curvier enthusiasm curvier enthusiasm was shooting at the same baseball game and they had footage of him in his seat wow yeah so he didn't

do it he didn't do it but that is what you were describing about 30 minutes of story in a 90 minute documentary that's a 30 minute documentary yeah great and a 30 minute documentary. Yeah. Great. And a 30 minute documentary, unless it's like a thing where you spent years and you followed around this person and, and have lived in their world. Half an hour is all you need. Really? If you're going to just, it's going to be talking heads and stuff.

Half an hour. I'll get you that. Also avatar. Make that 30 minutes. Have you seen it? I do. No. You?

No, but here's the weird thing it's like crushing the box office but i haven't talked to one person who has seen it yet so i know a bunch of people who saw it yeah yeah what were the did they like it i think this i think they like it yeah yeah i don't want to see it but i want to know what's going on you know did you see the first one yes but and I also thought that wasn't great

but the special effects they say the first one was very influential like every movie afterwards is bad and is way too long

and is it's all a bunch of things that never happened right because what is it almost like four actors who never met each other is it four hours long something like that no Actors who never met each other. Is it four hours long?

Something like that? No, I think it's three. I think it's two or three, yeah. The first one or the second one? The second one. Oh, I don't know. Avatar 2 runtime, baby. Yeah, movies are too long.

They are. Three hours and 12 minutes. What the hell? Who has that much to say? James Cameron. But even he worked his way up because Terminator is like a lean one hour, 25 minutes

and then he slowly just added hours and stuff to his work. Titanic was long. Titanic was very long. I'm told. He did True Colors or no What was that called True Lies

True Lies yes Titanic was 3 hours 14 It was wow I love that movie Yeah well you were going through a thing It was about the time you loved the Backstreet Boys It was Yeah

Do you go to concerts Bita thing. It was about the time you loved the Backstreet Boys. It was. Yeah. Yeah. And the... Do you go to concerts, Bita? Have you ever been to a concert? Have I ever been to a concert? That's right. Yes. Yeah.

I've seen the Backstreet Boys. Oh, nice. Nice. Yeah. They were the first concert I went to. Okay. Did you have to go with your parents or did parents, or were you allowed to go with friends? I went with my dad and my friend.

My dad is my friend, actually, so that would have been a cheap show for me. Just need the two tickets. Was it good? Did it meet expectations? I think it was good. I don't remember. What tour? Because I was so drunk.

Was it like, were they on Backstreet's Back? Were they on Larger Than Life? I think it was... Your dad just brought you into the beer garden? No, he didn't. If anyone is listening, no, he did not. But their first album wasn't very big. It was, though. It was in it was in canada yeah it was on

much music french music police it was they would always be doing uh it would always show get down get down and move it all around yeah no i think it first got i think first it got really big in germany and then and then it came over here Germany's always on the cutting edge right? wherever Germany goes the rest of the world follows or maybe that's a bad slogan I love those damn crowds yeah

I love them though I mean I don't like them anymore sometimes if you hear them will you dance to it or sing along I'll sing along yeah are you just like, yeah, yeah. Some of the songs are catchy still.

They're so good. Yeah. Their music was good. They weren't, weren't like, uh, you know, people like,

why are these guys famous? They dance, they sing, they look good. Yeah. Yeah. They've got it all. They wore cool clothes.

Graham and I, well, Graham came over for, I had a little, uh, pre Christmas party. I guess that's called a Christmas party. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, with Graham and a, well, Graham came over for, I had a little pre-Christmas party. I guess that's called a Christmas party. Yeah, yeah.

With Graham and a few other people. And I couldn't, I was like, do I play cool music or do I play music everyone likes? So I played. What's, okay, go on, sorry. No, no, I want to hear your question. What's like, what is cool music and what is music everyone likes? Well, I, that's, well, cool music was like today's hits. Like Ariana Grande.

Or like what I've been listening to. Things I've discovered in the last few years. Things that are maybe a little indie and cool. Oh, okay. But I decided to go with things everyone likes, which was a channel on Spotify called Black Eyed Peas Radio. Oh. Yeah.

And you know what? We all loved it. You could have, for next time, you could do one and then the other. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. I don't know if I'm a good enough hacker to go between two playlists oh

do you listen to playlists either you or you or like pick an album because I'll just pick a random playlist that's mostly what I do as opposed to like sit and put an album like a playlist that you haven't made yes that's right oh yeah on like Spotify

I mostly listen to my top played songs how many you got how many is in the top play well it's an it's a playlist they make for you oh okay it doesn't tell you like these are your 14 top played songs you're gonna hear them again i think it might be like 20 you guys don't yeah the on repeat playlist uh no because they're a lot of times i'm listening to ambient noise on spotify so one song or i'm listening to a weird thing we talked about on last week's episode like i've got aids by salt and pepper oh i remember that i remember that it's um i think that's how i learned about aids well then it worked oh not me i learned it i learned about it the the same way everyone in

my generation did from a video you get for free at blockbuster featuring arsenio hall and magic johnson wow yeah we all learned about it that way no that's not true but um but you had an option to learn about it that way that was right that's an intense skit it was a funny skit though they did they did a lot of costumes i guess though if because all their songs are about sex i guess it makes sense that they would. Right. That they felt morally responsible to. Here is the track listing for Shoop.

Okay. Track one, Shoop. This is by Salt-N-Pepa. Shoop, LP version. Okay. Track two, Shoop, Guru's version. Ooh. Track three, Shoop, Danny D's R&B mix.

Okay. I was hoping he would be somewhere on it. Chapter four, Let's Talk About AIDS. Chapter five, Shoop, True Instrumental. Chapter six, track six, Shoop, acapella. Nice. I feel like this is the single out the singles album this is this is the single okay okay okay but it also has the eighth sketch track four is let's talk about eights let me finish track seven on a single emphatically no and track eight that's what

it's called that's the name of it yeah oh wow Oh, wow. And track eight. I've got AIDS public service announcement. Wow. So let's talk about AIDS and I've got AIDS two different tracks. Okay. Is, is let's talk about AIDS, a song and not a skit. Huh?

No. Yeah. Let's talk about AIDS was a song and the, I have AIDS was the skit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not mistaken. Did you guys talk about this already last week?

We talk about it every couple of weeks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We just, it's a good like reminder. Yeah. What AIDS is,

what it is, you know, cause you can't get that copy of the video anymore because everything's closed. So, yeah. Cause I tried to put it on my channel, my YouTube channel, which is me going through all the channels of TV from 30 years ago.

Yeah, yeah. Well, do you guys want to do some overheards? Sure. Yeah. Hey, let us guess. You love books, but wish you had more time to read. Or maybe you used to read a lot, but life has gotten in the way. Kids, grad school, you name it.

Maybe you don't know where to start and bookish social media is overwhelming. How do people on TikTok read so many books? Oh my God, I don't know. And maybe you've been reading the same book for six months and now it's permanently attached to your bedside table. Maybe you don't even know what you like to read anymore. Wear reading glasses and don't worry, we got you. We'll get you back into reading and help you enjoy books again. Reading glasses every week on Maximum Fun.

Which animal has the most bones? Why isn't Pluto a planet? Why are bees electrically charged? Let's find out together on our show, Let's Learn Everything, where we learn anything and everything interesting. My name's Caroline, and I studied biodiversity and conservation. My name's Tom, and I studied computer science and cognitive... Did you?

And my name's Ella, and I studied stem cells and regenerative medicine. On our show, we do as much research as you would for a class, but we don't get in trouble for making each other laugh. Subscribe to Let's Learn Everything every other Thursday on Maximum Fun. Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where if you hear it, we want to hear it on the double and we always like uh to start with the guest beta do you have an overheard okay yes i do it's actually a tweet i love it a tweet that i saw years ago um and um by a very funny person on twitter who is younger than i am how could they be younger there weren't the rules like you can't join when you're a child they're so funny okay should i okay i actually want to share two is that okay yeah yeah okay are they both tweets yeah they're both tweets. I never leave the house. What am I supposed to do?

You know? Okay. So this was tweeted on March 17th, 2020. Right before. St. Patrick's Day. Slash. Oh, is that St. Patrick's Day? Yeah.

Yeah. It was right. Sort of. Yeah. Right around the time COVID. Yeah. Cancel canceled basketball. That's right, because everybody was pulling their St. Patrick's Day parties and stuff. Nobody went out and partied.

So this is by someone named Amelia Elizaled. Oh, I know who you're talking about. I know who she is, yeah. Elizaled. Amelia, whatever. So sorry. Okay, so here. Today on my walk, I watched a guy take a FaceTime call while running, pausing to yell, Carlos, Carlos, at another jogger who did not acknowledge him.

Then go back to his call and say, that was Carlos, my old intern and my best friend. It's pretty funny, right? That's very funny. But I think this counts the least of any overheard ever. Did I deliver that? I kind of blacked out. Oh, no, you delivered it great. But it does feel like we've done some overheards that are like third hand.

This feels like it's maybe fifth hand. But this is a tweet that they overheard this. And I saw the tweet. Yes, exactly. Okay, I have another one. Here we go. So this one is by a brilliant comedic actor slash horrible person slash recently deceased. Kirstie Alley. Yes.

Yeah. yes yeah and um so it was when um it was when uh what's this guy's name again i don't know who's that guy who's like the smartest guy in the world steven hawking yeah okay wow good for me it's a tweet from when Stephen Hawking died and she posted a picture of him and then she wrote you had a good go at it dot dot thanks for

your input so rude so dismissive i feel like it was sincere thanks for the input okay but we're gonna ignore that and we're just gonna focus on i don't even know what the opposite of stephen hawking's findings would be the opposite of his findingsen um i was walking out of the building in which i work and there was a guy crossing the street um and it this was just like five seconds of my life where i had to put together a bunch of information a guy walking didn't have a bag or anything just uh uh just on his way going somewhere uh i and for a split second i was like oh he's uh he's uh he's got his hand to his mouth so he's putting on lip balm and then i got a better look at him and i heard stuff and i was like oh no he's walking alone and playing harmonica and uh i was like oh that sounds like a sad song

and then i i kept walking and i kind of put together a few of the chords he was playing i was like oh he's playing yesterday by the beatles this poor sad guy oh geez yeah i thought i thought he was so such a happy guy just walking around putting on chapstick but he's the saddest man who ever lived um yeah that's good that's good it's a local character

in the in the neighborhood right sure like a guy sure oh by the way is the opera guy still around the guy who sings opera? Uh, yeah, I don't know. Because he's like, he was in one neighborhood kind of thing, right? Or was he down, he was downtown or something like that? Anyways.

I heard him, yeah, anyway, whatever. I thought he was East fan. Yeah. Oh, maybe he's East fan. Yeah. I used to hear him on South Granville. Oh, okay. Well, you know who I saw today in the grocery store i think argwar other local characters name local characters until you come

up with the one uh there's nard war there's mark madriga there's a tamera tamera yeah tamera Tamara, yeah. Tamara Haggart? Taggart? Taggart. There's Justin McElroy from CBC. Who else is big around the city here? No, it was the lady who walks around with a duck in the cart. Yes. Yeah. Oh, no. I don't know her.

Oh, she slaps. She's new? Is she new? No, she's not new. She's been around. She's been around. She a very like old-timey uh what stroller with it why have i never seen her oh yeah look her up you have to you have to believe it in your heart that's it but i've the duck was must have been under wraps do we think it's the same duck, or does she get new ducks? You've got to get new ducks. Yeah.

They wear out, you know? You've got to either take care of them or get a new one every couple of years. Like a phone. Basically, ducks and phones. Same thing. Yeah. Once your duck gets filled with data then you gotta get a new new duck city um now i barely haven't overseen so i want it i want it put on record that i've

only went out between my place and to the drugstore but in the drugstore uh sometimes they sell books like but at this drugstore they don't but they sell random they sell books but at this drugstore they don't but they sell random they sell random bobblehead things Funko Pop things and they have a few books in where the

card section is I saw a guy I think he had been reading for a very long time but I made a couple loops around and went to pick up a prescription. And I came back and he was still reading. Which is now about 10-15 minutes he's still reading. And then he finally puts the book down and I looked at what it was and it was Mel C's autobiography. Mel Chisholm? Yeah. What a boy. And it was like

discounted. It was like 60 know were you a spice girls fan while you're a backstreet boys fan oh hell yes they were my whole life who can you guess sorry can i guess who what wait hold for ambulance do you care no okay can I guess what? Who? Wait, what were you going to say? No. What were you going to say? I was going to say, can you guess who my favorite one was? Hmm. Hmm.

I'm going to say Posh. Okay. Why? Because she was the shy one. Okay. Interesting. You know, she's actually so funny. Oh, okay. You know, she's actually so funny. Oh, okay.

She is. And she's sort of, she seemed mean, like you. Hey! That was just her joking around. Yeah. Oh, okay. I hear she's quite funny. Graham, any guesses?

I'm going to go way, way out on a limb and say that it was Sporty Spice. Okay. No. Who was it? It was Baby. She was my fave. Shit, I was going to say Baby. Oh, sure.

If we could rank. So, Mel C has an autobiography. If all five of them wrote autobiographies, whose would be the most interesting and whose would be the least interesting? I think either Mel B or Jerry. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think they've had the most like interesting lives.

I think posh is up there too. Cause she's not, she's not good at the spice curling, but it seems like she's had an interesting life. Did you guys see her son's photo book no i guess like why would you yeah i i was actually i've always been a really big fan of his and then i found out he might be a nepo baby it's very funny you should look it up it's it's like the worst photos with the dumbest captions you've ever seen

captions are the best part if i ever did a photo book i'd be like check out this guy oh that sounded very mean of me but it's okay right it's okay it's better than okay they're all dead anyway so it's fine yeah the spice girls are all dead. And they're children. Yeah. I think Baby would have the most boring. Yeah. Sure. Okay. I think it would go like this. Okay.

It would go Jerry, Mel B, Posh, Sporty, Baby. Okay. That's my answer. That's a well thought out. What's the most interesting thing about Jerry? That she left the Spice Girls. Yeah. She had pretty bad eating disorder um she posed

for playboy so that was um i think maybe her mom her relationship with her mom is interesting she did a remake of it's raining men yeah yeah that was huge how do we feel about the song Mi Chico Latino? At the time, very, very good. Looking back. I think that she. Like I'm a big look at me fan. Yeah, that's a great song. Yeah. Are we done overheards?

No, I have ones that have been sent in by people all over the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. This first one is from Mick in Brisbane. Do your Australian thing. Say Brisbane. Brisbane. No, I can't. I can only say nar.

It's alar. Okay. Okar. Alar. Okar. so this is a gentleman he's uh he's hanging out with his nephew and uh he's saying he's saying to the nephew like uh how surprised he is that people don't better take better care of the agent considering the fact that we're all going to be elderly one day. And the kid said, as he was sitting in the passenger seat,

he said, yeah, unless you're belly button bean. And he said, who is belly button bean? And he said, he's the guy from the movie who turns into a baby at the end. Oh,

sure. Does he mean Benjamin button? He does. Yeah. Yeah. Kids say the darnest things. They do. Darnest.

That's why we keep them around. Where were they calling from? That's so cute. Where were they writing from? Brisbane. Brisbane. All right. Sure.

Brisbane. The aged. Here we just call them fucking old fogies. Fucking old fogies. That's so cute. Kids are cute. He's pretty cute, right? Yeah. do you know anybody that has kids do you have any friends that are me yeah you would you count dave as a friend then no No. This is why the reputation, you can't shake it. That's why.

What did you do to my children? Why's Abby texting me right now? Bita erased our kids. This next one comes from Bart M. In Las Vegas, Nevada. My cousin, his wife, and I were out for some drinks. And fun, rare for us. Especially together.

We were at a place called Lost Spirits Distillery. It's an amazing place. With magic burlesque. Rum tastings. Anyway, we're near the end of the room. That has a steampunk submarine is near the entrance. This place sounds exhausting. It does sound exhausting.

People behind us were filing in and taking in the room. And a girl out of the three said, oh, wow, if Costco looked like this, I'd go twice a week. Oh. You can say that about anything cute yeah if costco had more steampunk oh sure if costco had padding cages i'd go twice a week i'm sure one day costco will be steampunk do you think just inevitably everything comes around or y'all become steampunk eventually, Graham. Yeah.

So, like, I've got to start collecting cogs and whatnot now. Yeah. Yeah. My hat. Yeah. This last one comes from Eleanor in Sweden. I overheard it's from boarding a flight to the UK. I overheard two stewards at the end of an argument.

One steward seemed to win by saying, well, you don't remember being born, but you still believe that happened. Oh, in your face. Do you think they were talking about astrology, astrology,

religion? Uh, you know, I remember Jesus being so cool. Global warming. Are you an astrology fiend? You know that I am. And you're asking.

I don't know that. I know you seem like you would be. And you're asking to humiliate me. What is your. National television. What is your sign? You seem like, oh, you have strong Virgo energy. I actually. I don't want to okay so i actually have virgo moon oh okay get yourself a virgo man absolutely get yourself

um what are what does that mean um the moon was in virgo when you were born i don't want to talk about it and i don't know what what is your primary sign cancer cancer oh sure july june june late june yeah um so like you know that's actually like i think i know you think it's a cool sign it's also the name of a very bad sickness what it is yeah yeah who says who that's true that's true dr oz oh no that's um graham what are you can I guess let's see Graham doesn't like to talk about his birthday

I don't love it okay that's a hint that's a hint you're a Capricorn that was your one guess you're a Virgo are you really yeah why not

god ten more guesses oh god in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one like these people have. And this was a pure coincidence, but all three overheards I chose. I'm walking here. They're from New York City. Hi, Dave, Graham, and wonderful guest. This is Sean in Brooklyn with an overheard.

I was just walking down the street and two old ladies were crossing the street at the same time in opposite directions. And one stops and goes, oh, my God, you're still alive. Off I go. What? I'm confused. They were walking together? Two women. No, opposite directions.

They see each other. They're crossing the street. Oh, my God. You're still alive? That is amazing. It's it's also rude right just keep it to yourself it's new york it's everyone's a rude dude with a toad yeah that's true oh juliani's new york oh to be in new york one thing that i have found in uh the last couple years is I like seeing movies that are set in like filthy, filthy New York, like New York of the 70s, where it's just like everything's brown and gray and just like garbage everywhere. I love it. I love it, too.

Have you seen Jacob's Ladder? No. It's good. I feel like you would like it. It's scary, though. Well, I do like a scary movie. And I'm also a Virgo, if you recall. So we do scary films.

Someone in my house rented it when I was a kid. And I remember being freaked out. Walking through the room and being freaked out. Tim Robbins is a Vietnam vet. And there's a scene where he's got a fever. And they have to put him in a bathtub full of ice cubes. That sounds to be honest. That sounds awesome.

If you were hot enough, it'd be kind of cool. People would do that for you. I think that's cool. I think. Okay. No, go ahead.

I just think it has the New York you're looking for. Yeah. Yeah. I just watched one like a week ago about like a girl who's a punk called Smithereens and it was so filthy. It was great. Okay, now we can. I don't like it. I want everyone to be nice and clean.

Give me that clean M&M's store vibe. But there was M&M's stores back then. It's just people masturbated in them. Yeah, masturbated. That's a mutual masturbation story. I'm the green mutual masturbator. Take on my thigh-high boots. Okay, here we go.

Oh, boy. Hi, David, Graham, and Jess. This is Jessalyn calling in with an overheard. I was in New York City pretty recently, and I was coming above ground at a subway stop. Coming above ground sounds like a certain Fred Constantine. Oh, my God. And maybe an eight-year-old boy and his mom were walking down into the subway stop, and the eight-year-old boy says to his mom, Can you believe that there's a Z train?

That doesn't even make sense. And his mom said, why? And he said, because it's like the last letter. That was it. Anyways, off I go. Oh, yeah. Is that kid afraid they're going to run out of names, numbers for trains? Isn't it weird that the last letters of the alphabet are all

those scary ones? Yeah. Yes. Super spooky. W, W. Where does it start? Okay. Is W scary? No. X, Y, Z. Obviously. X, Y, Z are terrifying. V is also. I feel like V is also

pretty scary. V for vendetta. And V is like half a W. Right. I think W is in the... What's that? K is scary. K is scary. Okay, but that kind of ruins my thing.

I guess if the alphabet is a horror movie, K is like a jump scare in the middle. Yes. Yes. Yes. But you're right. The first kind of 10 letters seem very wholesome. And then it kind of starts getting a little weird, you know? T, T is a strong one.

It's not scary, but it's authoritative. Yeah. Lots of confidence. U is sort of like, what's, it's, what's the, what's your deal? Yeah. We getting weird. Yeah. It's not scary, but it's like, okay,'s like we're getting weird. It's not scary, but it's like okay, we're not in Kansas anymore.

It's like, okay. Caringe. They're lucky to have you in the writer's room. And your final phone call. Hello, Dave, Graham, and guests, if there is one.

This is Brian calling from Brooklyn, New York. I was driving in the Gowanus neighborhood of Brooklyn and saw some graffiti on the side of a wall that said, Jodie Foster, Judge Judy Erotica. And I thought that was a very niche interest that I should share with you. Thanks for the show. Yeah, it's one of those things. There's every, you know, there's something for everyone on the, in the graffiti world.

Erotica? Erotica? Jodie Foster, Judge Judy, Erotica. Okay. I can see it. Interesting. Is it like Jodie Foster's in the courtroom and then Judge Judy like catches her eye kind of thing? And then they kind of get one thing leads to another.

Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's lemonade. Is that what Judge Judy says? She says stuff like that. Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. Do you know that those people. What people? Lesbians no no like on those on those shows like judge judy the the people who are have the cases they're just actors did you know that no no because my well this guy i i know acted in one

he played somebody that wasn't himself he's lying to you he's trying to impress you no no he like was playing this like jester okay well that doesn't really narrow it down there's a jester in every case is he wearing the traditional jester hat your honor this guy made a fool of me anyway I played a jester no I know this guy he played a jester

in Judge Judy. It kind of ruined my childhood because I thought those were real. And I like, didn't ruin my childhood. Yeah, your childhood wasn't that great to begin with. I was just fooled. Well, that

brings us to the end. Well, I guess that wraps it up. That wraps it up very well. Speaking of wraps, don't get one from Subway. Um, well, that brings us to the end. That wraps it up. That wraps it up very well. Um, speaking of wraps, don't get one from subway. That's what we learned one thing. Or the grocery store. Yeah.

No, you want to go for the Dagwood. You want to go for a veggie. If you're at subway, something with crunch. And, uh, thank you so much for being our guest.

Thanks for having me. This was so cool. So do your Twitter is beta, beta is that right no it's beta judaki oh right yeah sorry you change it that's really do that anyways it's very funny she's writing something hilarious and uh and thanks for our guest. It's been great. Thank you, everybody out there for listening. Like we said, you know, keep it grocery store sandwiches in your hearts and in your minds

for the rest of the week and come on back next week for another episode of Something. Perfect.