Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 777 - Christine Bortolin

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

Comedian Christine Bortolin returns to talk elf life, dreamy times, and dog sledding.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 777 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's wearing my favorite shirt that looks like the German flag, Mr. Dave Schumke. It's navy blue, not black. I know from where I'm sitting, you Ich bin ein Berliner. I'm not a Berliner, I'm just wearing a rugby shirt that someone else was like, asked if I played rugby at Queens University.

And I was like, well, I can't wear this shirt around you anymore. I have to plan it. Oh, hey, maybe I should wear this shirt today. No, I'm going to see that guy. He's going to ask me. I'm going to come off as a total phony. What are the shirts you can get away with? No one's going to ask you if you'm going to come off as a total phony. What are the shirts you can get away with? No one's going to ask you if you play polo in a polo shirt.

No, but if you're wearing a polo shirt that's white, then people might think you're into tennis. Sure. If you're wearing those water polo helmets that cover your ears, those straps on your head, then people will be like, hey, you play water polo? No, it's just a preppy thing. And if it's blue, they think you work at best buy yeah exactly yeah uh that voice you hear right there uh very funny comedian uh favorite guest here on the podcast it's christine borderland

everybody hello thank you so much for having me thanks for being here hey bort dog hey what's up um should we get to know us you guys yeah let's do it get to know us christine bordelin has anyone ever asked if you Personality disorder. Whoa. No. Hey, thanks. They respect me too much. Yeah, well, that's why I'm not going to ask it either. No, borderline. I have been called that, but I don't think they put the connection together. Sure.

Did anyone sing the Madonna song, Borderline? No. Okay. Do you know the madonna song borderline no okay do you know the madonna song borderline no no it's a good one early hit she'll play she's playing on this tour that she's maybe i feel like one place you'll go no i i don't have fifteen hundred dollars yeah i wish i had fifteen hundred dollars everything's's very expensive now. But especially those. You know what I would do? I'd go to a concert if it was a hologram. If it was a hologram of her doing the whole show,

I would pay less, of course, but if that was an option to just see her live or see her as a hologram. Oh, sure. I mean, I'd pay less for anything. There's no limit to how little I'd pay to do stuff. I was watching the royal rumble the other day and which is a wrestling thing if you don't follow wrestling and it's like they all come in and they kind of party together everybody like every minute

somebody new comes in and they like uh smash them up and everything you know it's the wrong word right like no but like backstage they're probably there's a big punch bowl and uh cheesies and whatnot who's spanking the punch with alcohol and spikes yeah oh yeah um but they had these incredible um display on the tv it looked like they had these incredible display on the TV. It looked like they had these enormous holograms in the stadium. And the whole time I was like, wow, it must be so cool to be there. See these enormous holograms. And everyone was like, Christine, those are just computer graphics on the screen.

They're not there in person. I really thought they like cracked holograms and they were across the whole stadium and they're like like fire like blue fire was raining down on everyone oh it'd be so cool what is you yeah you dream of a brighter future what are the times where there were real holograms there was tupac at coachella there was kim kardashian's dad doing a speech on her wedding or renewing her vows with kanye this is me talking from beyond the grave congratulations i'm very proud of boo. Oh, that's so funny. I love that.

Now, I'm a little off-put by the fact that the door behind you opened, Christine. Okay. It's cat-related. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's not paranormal activity. It's just a cat. Well, Kim Kardashian's dad's ghost is out there checking in. Somebody say my name.

Wouldn't it be crazy if you were in a Royal rumble and a wrestler came in and he was running super fast and he got in the ring and you went to body slam him and he was a hologram. Wow. Amazing. Dave, that is where it's got to go. That's the future. Can you interact with them or it would be like a ghost put your hand through them yeah you could interact with them though i'm sure someone could be on like

a mic or something or yeah i think like they would be there with all the things plugged in so then you would be able to like fake shake his hand but you wouldn't be able to like hurt him like you wouldn't be able to wrestle him figure for a leg lock him i mean someday one day yeah they're getting there you're a hologram too boy i've wondered that yeah it's pretty much a video game man is basically that's which i also love what's your favorite video game what's my favorite video game do computer games count no yes. Yes, of course. Perfect dark. Oh, okay.

Then Stardew Valley. Stardew Valley. That's what is that? Is that in the, um, no, tell me what that is. Yeah.

Farm and you mine and you get people to like you and then you get married. I'm not very good at the like social parts of the game, but I just like to quietly work on my farm and brew alcohol and then there's this one guy if you really want to get married you can just give him alcohol and then he'll marry you he's an alcoholic it's a dark thread now is that is that just a character in the game or is that somebody playing the character in the game if they get drunk no it's just it's a character in the game okay so if you want to marry a drunk that it's yeah yeah he's the easiest to marry yeah why don't you say you're says a little higher i've tried but it's hard to get people to like you really even in olden times? I felt like it was easy to get, especially as a lady. But, you know, people also talk in olden times, right?

There's lots of gossip going on. Yeah, and you have to give them things to make them love you in this game. Everyone's love language is gif? Like rhubarb. Yeah. And if you give them a stone they hate you what is your love language in real life christine oh that's a great um i like to put people at ease is that a love language or like what do i like that's just being a good a good person uh okay here's the five love languages scare greed envy they are uh brian sloth pollution

howie um words of affirmation so this is like hey you go girl yeah oh i mean that's nice physical touch this is like a ooga receiving gifts this is like i have some rhubarb yeah quality time that means like you know uh let's netflix and not chill yeah let's netflix and keep our clothes on that's good and then acts of service is uh hey i i i'll take your watch to the store and get a battery put in it this sounds like a very specific example oh the others weren't a ooga wasn't specific you've never a ooga no man i'm man. I'm not that level of cool. But I don't know if your love language is what you do or what you receive. Yeah.

What I receive? What I do. But what you like. What I'd like. I think acts of service, probably. Things that make life easier. Yeah. That's a good one.

Respect. Receiving gifts is, I mean, unless you're a child. best probably things that make life easier yeah that's a good one because receiving receiving gifts is i mean unless you're a child that's like completely should not be anyone's love language but madonna you know she was one of those she's a material girl yeah she she wanted all sorts of shit but but luckily she's a material world. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

And what were you going to say about Marilyn Monroe? She also doesn't, she have diamonds as a girl, best friends. She didn't think that. Yeah. So she is, that's her love language.

And then the woman from Santa baby also wanted some kit. Yeah. Those Santa is, is what? 100% receiving gifts yes i mean i guess what is yeah what is his love language the other way though like what does he like yeah does he like quality time oh what does he like to receive does he like physical touch does he like i mean i saw him because why do you think he has people sit on his lap yeah oh he's totally i was a santa's elf what'd you say i was a santa's elf what did you say and santa had cancer um wait a minute where where is this coming from? It's a stream of consciousness.

Were you an elf? I was an elf. Is that what you're saying? I had a maul. I was a maul elf. That's amazing. Can I guess the maul? Yes, you can. I don't know if you'll get it.

I want to say it was Brentwood Maul. Whoa, yes, it was. Nice. I was going to say Metrotown, but when you said it, you didn't think I'd get it. I shifted. Whoa. Nice. It was Brentwood Maul. it was nice i was gonna say metrotown but when you said it you didn't think i'd get it i mean i shifted whoa it was brentwood mall have you been to the new is it the new brentwood the amazing brentwood the amazing brentwood they call it yeah they call it the amazing brentwood they threw some stores in the front let's talk malls here yes please they threw some mall some stores in the front but if you go inside it's desolation in there they just

got a bunch of empty stores now inside the cotton country's gone they got cotton country is gone it's gone what was cotton country before a quilting store yeah you could just buy cotton in yards and that's it just two yards of cotton please and it's gone what was the food court situation um mrs vanellis is gone um their food court now they've got this new food court and it does seem nice um but it's a lot it seems more expensive everything kind of seems more expensive bathrooms are nice but they're already pretty good there hey have you you know how cinnabon is the like cinnamon bun place for every mall what's yeah have you seen this other place cinzeo i have oh yeah i have seen that how is it yeah i don't know i was gonna ask because you seem like mall experts I'm too afraid I think they put stuff on it they

put their thing is they put a ton of like a pink berry or something oh you get cinnamon buns covered in like jimmies this could be a lie but I think that that's how it is how it is sometimes it's great I noticed that the new the what are the flagships that the new what are they called the amazing Brentwood are H&M home okay wait a minute

what's that what does that mean it's H&M for your home so like vases yeah vases that'll fall apart some sheets

that'll tear so this is fast furnishing yeah exactly yeah and sporting life sporting life. Sporting life.

Which is like sport check, but more Toronto-y. It's going to be your life. Okay, let's get back to your life as an elf. Yes, this is fascinating. Santa had cancer. So he had cancer. He was from Vancouver Island. And he made mints.

How did you get... You're going way too fast. Sorry. How old were you when you were an elf? Were you a grown woman? No. I was like 15 or 16, I think, at the time. Good elf age.

Good elf age. Yeah. Solid elf age. How did you get the job? I applied. You didn't have a friend who was an elf? No, no. I just showed up and there was like, Santa wasn't there.

He was a fly-in. Okay. So it was just. So Santa didn't interview you? No. I don't know why I assumed he would. Who's the guy in charge here? Well, I'm looking at my list here and.

Let me speak here santa what was your you had you ever worked before yeah i had worked at dairy queen and i think clothing store by that point too rw and co nice and did you but also you are a drama nerd. Yeah. Which is a big qualification. I think so. Yeah. I think I was also just polite and they thought I'd show up and not scare the kids. Did you get to wear pointy ears? Oh yeah.

So I, I did have to wear like a little like, um, headband. Um, but also they hooked also, they hooked us, they hooked us up with an earpiece and a mic pack and then Santa,

no kids listen to the show, right? Can I ruin this? This is a... Okay, parents, if your kids are listening to the show, just so you know, in the next few minutes,

I have a feeling we're going to hear some real shit about Santa. By the way, he has cancer. Okay, so we'd have these mic packs, and then they would ask the parents, they'd be like, hey, what's this teacher's name? And then they would say, oh, Mrs. Brown.

And so then Santa would be like, so I was speaking to Mrs. Brown, and she told me that you were enjoying science class. And theanta would be like so i was speaking to mrs brown and she told me that you were enjoying science class and the kids would be like they couldn't believe it they're like i do love science i'll give you anything and then they'd really believe it but if you screwed up it was like extremely high stakes you couldn't like miss here and santa was very mad if you got it wrong it seems that you have a pet frog oh no no that's not right no he enjoys dogs yeah i have a fret pog i'm fretting over my pogs my pog is sick so was there just one santa there was one santa and then there was like me an elf and then like the photographer was like half elf dress and then there was um a supervisor that was kind of running

things too that was like half elf dress and there were so wow did you have to be there every time that like were there other elves that did the job yeah there was i think like one or two other elves and we just like it was a shift working part-time thing and did you tell me about santa's illness yeah so santa why did this come up well he just it was just seemed so strange to me when he brought it up because sometimes there would be no kids for a bit so i'd go and sit on the stairs and then just chat with sit on his lap and he'd say how's science class with mrs baldwin i'd go why did he know i didn't even tell you that but yeah he and so he would chat sometimes and he was a he was really nice he talked about having

cancer but he was so laid back about it it was a very santa way to look about it did he have it at the time yeah and he was just he was like it is what it is i'm selling this gum and these mints that have xylitol in them or something what is that okay he was selling gum yeah yeah that was like i guess it's like side hustle from santa or is santa the side hustle i don't know they got xylitol is that good i know dogs can't have it it was like ahead of its time i remember thinking what's wrong with sugar um and the answer is nothing nothing yeah but yeah he his only thing was he didn't like rap and so whenever people asked for like a uh uh rap cd or something um he would be like oh you don't want that i don't think that's's Santa's right to say that. No.

That's true. Yeah. They have a parental warning on the album so that the parents know. The rest of it, Santa, keep your fucking nose out of it. Yeah. It's a great album. What if it's rap rock? Does he have a soft spot for that?

The genre of it. Lincoln Park. Yeah. Was Lincoln Park that? The Judgment Night soundtrack oh man that is one of the all-time I've never seen it but boy did every guy I went to high school see it and obsess over it what's it what is it I don't know Dennis Leary's in it most memorable part for me as well. And the soundtrack was like a bunch of rock artists and rap artists.

It wasn't rap rock. They didn't have Linkin Park doing both. They would have the Traveling Wilburys and Kick It and Play. This screams Dennis Leary. No, it was House of Pain and Helmet, De La Soul

and Teenage Fan Club, Run DMC and Living Color, Cypress Hill and Sonic Youth, Onyx and Biohazard. Nice. Ice-T and Slayer.

Oh. But the movie has Emilio Estevez, Stephen Dorff, Dennis Leary, Jeremy Piven. Oh, probably bald Jeremy Piven at that time would be my guess. Not like his current

iteration. The best of the Piven generation. Is he have hair now? Yeah, he got plugs, and they look pretty good. If you didn't know that he had plugs, you wouldn't know. But he got probably the very expensive plugs. Plugs are expensive. Yeah. Do you only have to buy them once, though?

Well, this is the thing. Yeah, we can't figure it out, because we were talking a few weeks ago about sports broadcaster Joe Buck, who is addicted to hair plugs and got an infection in his vocal cords and couldn't be a broadcaster. Because of all the plugs from the infection, because he was addicted to hair plugs. But also, I think it's what does that mean? Does he make his like forehead all hairy or? Yeah. Where is he? But what does that mean? Does he make his like forehead all hairy or? Yeah. How did it go down?

I, boy, I feel like the first time I read an article about it, it was very clear that you do have to go for like every six months, go get your plugs done. But the headline addicted to hair plugs. It's pretty attractive. Yeah. It's also. The headline, yeah.

And the hairline yeah but like have you guys heard about these corduroy pillows but it's like somebody who just gets like every part of them tattooed and then they're running out of tattoo space that must he must have like super hairy arms and and hair coming out of his ears. No, I don't think so. Or when you get so much filler in your lips, you're like, are your cheeks? Sometimes I'm like, is it going to explode? What if you get hit hard?

Yeah. It's not liquid. I got to remember. It's not liquid? What is it? I don't know. I assume that at that point it's not just like a water bed. Small bean bags. I got my

haircut this week and the woman who cuts my hair, I don't know why I'm... This is toxic masculinity that I'm too afraid to say hairdresser. The woman who cuts my hair asked, what do I put in my hair? And I said, some kind of goo.

She said, good. Good. I'm not going to talk to you for the rest of the appointment. I say do whatever you want to your face, your body, but just be aware. Oh, sure. Yeah. Not too much. If you're getting hair plugs so bad that your throat's up all messed up then you know that's

maybe too many plugs they went all the way down maybe you put the plugs in the wrong maybe put in the wrong spot maybe put them all in his in his mouth open wide yeah boy yeah yeah i i'm not gonna read the full article again and i'm probably not gonna read it between now and the next time i bring it up either it's a great headline oh yeah it's um uh it's one of those that you dream of you know where somebody famous hair plug it's like when uh terryz was addicted to porn i feel like that was a really hot headline how would you know yeah how do you know if you're addicted to porn i guess if like you're watching a movie and halfway through you're like i just get a quick little five minute chunk but like are you watching the porn without any kind of like sexual component

yourself you're just like i'm addicted to the porn i don't even need to get any arousal out of it yeah like he's doing it on his peloton um yeah i don't know i assume that's when it's causing a problem directly you're late for things because you were watching a porn one time only porn and you're not doing it to enjoy it maybe yeah i was watching i watched even the acting part just sat down and watched it like a movie is that a thing anymore they attended the awards do they put acting and porn anymore there is a thing if you search it out there is a they did a musical parody of the the final song from greece in a porn movie and uh it's very special it's a very special thing uh somebody posted on twitter and i saw it and i loved it and they they like sing they sing and dance and

they're all dressed in 50s clothes is Is that you're the one that I want? Yeah. Yeah. And they fly into the their car flies. They don't do that. They don't do that part. But throughout people start to like have sex and stuff. I guess like this is they're all dressed as greasers.

Did you watch it or didn't you? I watched the video part, like the music part. But then that was all that was posted on Twitter. They didn't have any of the goods. Oh, really? Oh, God. But if you can find it, it's well worth the search. If you go to TerryCruz.com,

only the hottest sites on the web. Anyways, so is Santa still with us, or did he not, Mike or did he you know mike you don't know i don't know it was one of those jobs where you hang out with someone every day that you work and everything and then when the job's done you never speak to them again and you're both fine with it yeah yeah do you ever think about those people in your lives yeah sometimes yeah sometimes is the right answer sometimes i'm like did they start to work for the un or did they keep selling weed you know they achieved their dream from selling pot to the un what a great autobiography holy shit yeah it would be and they were smart yeah there's yeah i feel i feel like everybody that i've worked with that i don't keep in touch with i haven't done the

mental like what are what are they doing now based on that but i think maybe i'll try it because i i mean one of the people i worked with was definitely addicted to methamphetamine. So that was that was at Toys R Us. Was it Toys R Us? She was laid off promptly at Toys R Us. Oh, yeah. But, you know, is she still still out there? Is she doing all right? What's she doing?

I never thought about it. Let's look her up. What's what's her name? Let me just type this in. Oh, yeah. She's's look her up. What's her name? Let me just type this in. Oh yeah, she's in. I looked it up. She's now addicted to hair plugs. She's got hair plugs all the way up.

Oh yeah, she got a couple of legs that made me think, oh, she's addicted to hair plugs. What's the best thing to be addicted to? Exercise, right? Or does that make you annoyed? That's a good one. Exercise, violence.

Do you guys have anything you're addicted to? Oh, my phone. Oh, yeah. Insta. My phone. Oh, yeah. Insta. How many times a day would you roughly estimate that you're not looking at your phone and then start looking at your phone?

How many times a day do you start looking at your phone? For work or for play? For just around. For play, let's say. Just for regular outside of work life. It's like constant. Like when I'm done working and I'm like, the kids are in bed and I'm like sitting downstairs,

I will put my phone down for five seconds and pick it up and open the exact same app. Not knowing. Oh, I just closed this it's like a decompression tool at that point i think in some ways as a way to justify it do you does it relax you does it is it a recreational thing i find it very work oriented i don't me too yeah i don't really i kind of try not to look at it if i'm not working

yeah um but i know that I do. What's your favorite thing on your phone? Yeah. Wooden block puzzle. Wooden block puzzle. It's a game where it's kind of like Tetris, but there's not the same like time thing that you just have three blocks at a time. And then you just try to make as many lines as possible and then the the line disappears when you make it tetris tetris oh yeah tetris it's like tetris but it's not

tetris okay it's tetris graham what's the favorite thing on your phone i gotta look at my phone because i'm not sure what i have on here but i'm thinking it's another one that's very worky. I think, um, there's an app that I can't remember the name of. It's like butterfly or something scannable and you can scan, uh, a receipt and it turns it into a PDF that you could send.

And it's a lot of fun to just line up different things and see if it scans or not. And, uh, yeah, like a recipe or something like that so that was probably that's probably my fun one of all the i have uh as you know my favorite thing to do on my phone is to track packages of things that i've ordered i have three package tracking apps one is called deliveries one is called shop one is called after ship and my current weirdest thing that I'm tracking right now, normally you track a thing and it's like, oh, it's going through Don Mills, Ontario.

And the headline says package processed. Nice. Or with delivery courier. Oh, that's my favorite. Yeah, you know it's coming right around the corner on the way uh that means nothing but the one that i saw the other day uh something i ordered in um processed at sorting center boy i think i need to go into the other app to see this one the one that i saw the other day uh was uh scanned into sack scanned into sack nice sack spelled like with s-a-c-k s-a-c-k something i ordered has been scanned into a sack in well that's santa right there yeah

does santa live in melrose park illinois um yeah it's there was a story like last week or the week before about a couple who the airline said their lost luggage was like somewhere in europe but they had a tracker in it and they were like, it's in Toronto. Like it's in Toronto. You guys are lying to like cover your, uh, whatever,

whatever your back line or whatever you were trying to cover. Um, but yeah, so that's, I'm going to start getting those little, little traceable. Yeah. I used to have them.

I used to have, what was the brand? Sne it was called tile oh yeah i had a time and then uh they're they're only good for a year and then you have to get new ones oh really they like they have a battery in them and then you have to pay another whatever 40 bucks for one i'm like nope i'm done i won't even pack $40 worth of clothes. You could just have my luggage. I don't give a shit. Now, Christine, before we started the show,

we were talking about where you were recording. So where you live now is an apartment that you used to share with past guests, Aaron Reed. And when he, well. And also there were comedians before, right? How many generations of comedians have lived in this apartment? Oh boy, I think maybe three or four, four or five. I don't know, many.

Who's lived there? Has Sean Devlin lived there? Sean Devlin's lived there. Cam McLeod? Here. Cam McLeod. Aaron, Kevin Lee at one point. Kevin Lee.

Peter Hadfield was in here at one point. I think there was a guy, Aubrey Tennant was in it for, like, this is way back. Yeah. Probably with Sean at one point. That would be my guess. Yeah. Yeah. What is that?

Five? And then Aaron. at one point that was my guess yeah yeah what is that five and then aaron i mean if it's aubrey tenant it's like we're talking the better part of a decade yeah yeah it's legacy the same apartment owned or rented by comedians um and and the last time we had aaron reed on the show he had just moved out and he had talked about how he was now doing laundry in a bucket yeah i thought it was in the bathtub isn't it a bathtub with a stick it was a bucket okay no he's got a bucket he's talking about this bucket a lot he's got that bucket yeah we love aaron uh and part of the reason my love language for Aaron is bucket. To be fair, he'd go pretty far. He doesn't have laundry in building or home.

Yeah. I've, I've lived that, uh, with life where you have to like double up, maybe triple up on the wear of, uh, you know, t-shirts and whatnot. Cause yeah, it's like blocks and blocks away. uh, you know, t-shirts and whatnot. Cause yeah, it's like blocks and blocks away. And he,

uh, last time he was on the show, he was telling us he's, he's got a bucket, um, that he loves and a stick and a stick that he washes his clothes in. And you were about to tell us something. You were about,

you were reaching out of frame to say, Oh, uh, speaking of that now, and we said, shut up, shut up. We want to learn about yeah we want this on the show um okay so my dad um it for for christmas he gives like these notoriously um

as seen on tv clearance aisle things and oh yeah this year i got him an air fryer and he got me this plastic turbine wash. I don't even know how to explain it. It's like a little fan. So he's like, if you want to wash your clothes in a sink, you can wash a few things in a sink. And it like spins them. And I assume it spins them. And right away, I i was like this is perfect for the bucket yeah yes absolutely a whole new level yeah it'll really up the level of the

bucket because there's you know laundry in my building so i don't know why i would need it and then i went online and i was like to my friends i was like okay guess the value of this oh yes it's always it's always wait wait okay don't give it away i want to get graham and i are gonna guess graham and i are gonna guess it's a japanese company it appears to be um uh i think so i'm not quite i'm not quite sure and there are i feel like the internet is full of these electronics now that are like well well, I can't... Panasonic doesn't make this. There's no trusted brand that does this

weird, probably, thing that charges with a USB. It absolutely does charge with a USB. Yeah. He did buy it in person. I will say that. I'm going to say this is $22. Okay. Graham? I'm going to say this is $22. Okay.

Graham? I'm going to go lower. I'm going to say $18.75. $11.99. Whoa! Oh, shit. Thanks, Dad. For my birthday, he got me this thing called a Noon Pro,

which is like really, really old school um vr goggle thing where you put but you take your phone and then you slide it into the front of it and you look and it is the most disoriented i've ever felt without like disassociating and it was a while and it's so heavy so your head's knocking down your portal and personality disorder um what i've perceived that as well and i've never used it you should check it out and oh if you're wearing glasses too that'll that'll up the psychedelic experience oh sure so wait you would put this in the in the slot and then there were there specific games that made it 3d how did it become 3d or virtual reality i don't think i don't know they don't

think they thought that far there's an app and then you can kind of like watch things on the app i think yeah you can watch robert kardashian two bucks you get to live as them? Holy shit, that'd be amazing. Just sitting together in heaven. Chatting. Imagine, once you get turned into a hologram, you get moved to a different part of heaven. A VR lounge. Like a more exclusive. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I'm going to give that to Aaron. That's a nice gift. That's very thoughtful. He doesn't know. Exclusive. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I'm going to give that to Aaron. Does he know? That's very thoughtful. He doesn't know. I hope he finds out on here.

Well, he won't listen. We'll tell him to listen. No, I'll tell him. He's got no data. Listen to about the 40 minute mark. I'll say, I'm worried I said something really offensive. Can you listen to the episode and let me know? He'll be like, oh shit. I'll help you out. I do that, too.

I'm worried about that, too. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Okay. Guys. Here we go. Set the stage. A fun thing happened at my kid's school last week. It was, this is something that never happened when I was a kid.

We didn't have any fun activities at school outside of sports day. Yeah, sports day was huge. I guess maybe in grade seven we did a triathlon. That doesn't fall under the column of fun. Well, in grade seven, actually, we were supposed to do a bike trip, but there was a teacher's strike. And so once it was settled, we ended up just camping overnight at Splashdown Water Park. What? And it was pretty good.

Like in the park? In the they had a they had a a camping area oh my parents gave me my parents gave me 20 to buy dinner and i got totally screwed by the woman behind the counter she thought i gave her 10 i had given her 20 and i ended up with no money so this was who wow what a quick thinking okay this isn't gonna work i know a guy at splashdown i mean it's very possible i also remembered it wrong and thought i had 20 and only had 10 but i was like almost in tears and i was it was in front of girls oh shit maybe they would have

thought you were sensitive you know yeah that's true yeah yeah I was a sensitive person and still am

yeah he's a sensitive boy he's a sensitive boy yeah that's why he's gonna do something creative with his life is he though

he's just just do something creative with his life. Is he though? Just talking on the internet. Anyway, so my kids' school, they had a movie night. Oh, fun. Depending on the movie. All the kids were invited to go to

school at 6 o'clock at night okay uh sounds like punishment and bring your parents bring your sleeping bags and because we're in we're going to be in the gym right and so but you're not sleeping over, but you're bringing your sleeping bags to be comfortable. To get comfy. Yeah. On the gym floor. And the movie you're going to watch is a movie called The Bad Guys. Now, we've already seen The Bad Guys.

It's based on a kid's book from modern times. It stars Sam Rockwell and Awkwafina. Is it like a dog and a raccoon and a thing? It's all the most evil animals. There's a wolf and a shark and a spider. Oh, I think I saw the poster. It looked like a cool poster. We saw it in the theater.

It's good. It's like, it's really fun. But our kids were like, yeah, we've seen it. it but yes we want to go see it again at the school at night and so i uh dropped the kids off with abby and then i ran to a restaurant it was at six o'clock so i was like go to a restaurant pick up some chicken fingers is this what are we talking are we talking wendy's are we talking the anw i don't want to say where i went i mean there's no free advertising here oh i thought it was like shocking no no it was not a famous restaurant it was just like a local restaurant um and then uh i came back settled down We had like a little picnic blanket we brought.

And then the movie starts. And the whole movie sounds like. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, shit. Shit. It was just, it's like Charlie Brown's teachers. And they played it? They played the whole thing.

With that noise? With that. Drew was just like. I mean, it's just like one speaker in a huge gym and so i lie down and i look up at the ceiling and i was like maybe i'll take a nap but the whole thing it was like a dream it's like that's exactly the set of a of a dream it's like we were at the school but it wasn't for school we were there at night time and but we weren't sleeping over but we had sleeping bags okay and you were there and we watched a movie but we couldn't hear the movie

yeah it does actually sound like a dream like that. Oh, yeah. That you would describe to a therapist. Yeah. Does this mean anything? No. No, it means you go see the bad guys again. It means you owe me $75. You really respect sound quality. I sure do. So that was a thing.

And then two days later, I took the dogs for a walk in the forest. This starts bad. No, but it was just another dreamlike thing. Cause I was every dog we ran into was a Labrador or a Labradoodle. And it was just like a rainy foggy day and kept running into what I thought was the same dog over and over again. Whoa. So you think it's a you've been truman showed or i think i'm just having some dreamy times yeah okay are you sure these things happened no i'm not sure of anything wouldn't that be what if you found out like the last five years of your life was a dream

fine is that good or bad do i get that time back or did i live that time you get it back oh yeah yeah i'd go back go back and start because you know i didn't do such a good job this go around what would you do next go around more push-ups more push-ups uh you know i'd go on the rocks diet of cod even though I'm allergic to fish he eats so much cod salted cod I don't know probably not he probably just eats regular so I've had cod in my freezer for six months and have not touched it well should the rock be uh coming over dropping by for dinner. You know what he wants. Honey, the rock will be here in five minutes. My boss, the rock is coming over. Honestly, I love cod.

I would, I'm just too lazy to thaw it. Fish must be a tough thing to thaw. Yeah. It's fine. Because you can't, because if you overthaw it, then do you make it, make it hurt your stomach? No, you can't overthaw it. That's not a word. I guess then you're cooking it.

Yeah, how many days are you thawing this thing for? Like it comes in a giant block of ice and has to melt. Is it Encino cod? Oh, man. I was thinking about Encino Cod? Oh, man. I was thinking about Encino Man and how they just found a caveman and a block of ice in their backyard. Yeah. Have you seen this movie, Christine? No, but I've seen photos of it.

Okay, sure. Yeah, you get the gist. If you've seen it, like, it really is. Behind the scenes stills. Like, it was a really old man. But, I mean, like, a man from the past. Yeah, but it the gist. If you've seen it, like, it really is. Behind the scenes stills. Like, it was a really old man. But, I mean, like, a man from the past. Yeah, but it was Brendan Fraser. And he was young and hot.

Yeah. I think he's hot now, personally. I mean, sure, yeah. I mean, I love the guy. I wish him well. But, why didn't Neil deGrasse Tyson go after that? Go after the science of Encino Man? i just don't think it's popular enough yeah i thought you were gonna say the science of the whale it's not about a whale they how long would it take to thaw a whale have you seen the whale

no christine have you seen it no but here it here it's good. Yeah, people say it's good. Is it Darren Aronofsky? It is. Yeah. I'm done with him. Why? What did he do to you? I just feel like he's sad, so he thinks I should be sad.

But I don't want to be sad. I don't need his help. Yeah. But Encino Man Man I haven't seen but it seems like it was a really fun movie it is really fun

a star turn from Sean Astin and Robin Tunney Pauly Shore and Pauly Shore yeah

Pauly Shore launched his career off of that well I mean his mom launched his career because she owned the comedy store is that right the comedy store that's right yeah paulie sure launched his career off of that well i mean his mom launched his career because she owned the comedy store is that right the comedy sure that's right um anyway yeah so i had a dream like moment have that ever happened to you trying to think like is it something where

it's just such a weird thing i have things where i think all of a sudden uh like i focus too much on a subject and i'm like oh that's what a lamp is and i'll just stare at a lamp yeah and just like you don't notice until you notice it and you're like holy shit what is a lamp i don't know it's like a light bulb in a thing in a thing yeah the light bulb on a string yeah yeah it's got a string on it or a switch it's got a lampshade what's a lampshade it shades the lamp a little bit i we have a lamp that has a lampshade and it just came with it and then i realized you can replace it you can buy replacement lampshades. I haven't. Hmm. Like why? Cause they get ruined lampshades or you can just want something a little stylish.

Yeah. I've swapped one out before. You know what? I see a lot walking around is a lot of people having like pink light or blue light, uh, lighting up their apartment. And I don't understand what's going on,

but they can't all be cam people that are having sex on camera. So I think it's just because you can like set a mood at any time with these uh these uh light bulbs that you have an app for and you can change it i have one of them it's fun what room do you keep it in um i have it in this room i mean this is a this is an audio thing do you want to know we want to see your room is so green right now dave get ready to take a picture yeah you want to see the room really green yes well it's already pretty green i think oh is it okay well you haven't even seen green yet buddy okay wait let me uh oh i don't actually know how to use the app very well it did change i did see a little change okay wait i'm gonna turn off the other natural there we go okay i gotta

find the one where you can go and look for a painting and then oh no okay wait okay it's changing is it like oh yeah yes yeah she's rave dancing i feel the attitude outside someone's like oh someone in there has rediscovered mdma they have the app for it yeah although i am against the fact that all these apps i don't like that everything wants me to have an app. Oh, hold on. It gets really intense. Oh, yeah. And so for the listener, it's just her room is just changing color constantly and flickering.

Yeah, it's something like the Joker would like. That's when the Joker wants to relax. He has that thing on. Yeah. He's the party man. He's the party man. He's so serious. or he wants to know why you're so serious were there no jokers between party man and why so serious uh i think no no i

don't think so and then we've had nothing but jokers ever since yes yeah well what about that new one what's about the guy who's kind of an incel? Batman guy? The Joker? No, it wasn't the Joker. Riddler. Yeah, he's a different guy. Yeah.

He's a different guy. We had a Riddler, though. Oh, I thought you meant there's been no villains since the Joker. No, we have no Jokers since. Between Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, we haven't had any. And then we have. Jokers all the way. We have Jared and we have Joaquin.

And when they're doing kind of somebody does a mural, they also include the Joker from the TV show. Yeah. What's his name? Cesar Romero. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. And the animated series voiced by mark hamill that's right mark hamill yeah joker is like a role of our time yeah he's kind of like you know hamlet yeah i truly believe that

who will get to play him next yeah it's like's like, what are the big ones? It's like Bond, James Bond. James Bond. Joker. Playing James Bond. You know, Queen Elizabeth or Elizabeth I or something like that. I feel like there's a lot of those. Whoever's playing Queen Elizabeth II on the crown. Maybe Marilyn Monroe.

There have been a couple of those in history. Sure. From Calendar Girl to Blonde. I heard that Blonde's really bad. Is that? It's very bad. Yeah, I watch. Yeah?

You watch it? Much of it, yeah. It's either a... Look, hey. It's great or it becomes jackie jorp jorp those feel like those are the two look i couldn't make a movie no we couldn't make a movie that's that we're idiots we don't know i'm no i'm no i think you could make a movie i wouldn't check the gate there'd be a hair yeah there'd be a hair on all my footage. One of Joe Buck's hair plugs in my footage.

Yeah, Joe Buck was on set that day. I really do think we should check the gate at least once if he's standing close to the camera the whole day. Anyway, I had a weird dream. My dad bought me a laundry thing what's going on with you graham um well last weekend uh not this past weekend but the weekend before i went to white horse oh yeah i went up to white horse um and i've been there before but i kind of didn't i didn't know you've been there more than anyone i've everhorse and I've been there before but I kind of didn't know You've been there more than anyone I've ever met

Yeah I've been there like four or five times I realized. Oh wow. I thought I'd been there once before One time was with Dave, we were with the Debaters Do you remember what we bought in Whitehorse? Was it indestructible combs? Indestructible comb, yes and I had it with me on this trip

so it went home. Now, Whitehorse, we went to Whitehorse, the capital of Yukon, which we went that trip in October, which was already snowy and cold. And there were like bears. bears it was like it was like in the city there's like their garbage their public garbage cans in the city are like locked down bear proof yeah yeah like i remember being there years ago for a like touring uh debate show debaters live and steve patterson and i were standing by the lake he remembered that i said uh this is uh i don't like this a bear could just come out of the woods at any second because there's no barrier between like there's a small little river but a bear can walk across

a river right so it'd just be like they'll be there so fast apparently they they're like fast like they look they don't look fast but they're so fast they're so fast and you think they can't climb trees but even the big ones can climb trees a little so um so i was scared of that and the thing about yukon at this time of year is sun goes down basically at four o'clock it's uh gets pretty dark up pretty soon. So there, for example, their Shoppers Drug Mart closed at 6. That was the longest. Why? I know.

I don't know why. The sun goes down at 5 here, but our Shoppers is up until midnight. Exactly. I was shocked. When does the sun come back? It comes back. I think it was up by like 11 10 or 11 or something oh that's like four in the afternoon's bad but coming up at 11 that because like to get up

to open the the drapes to kind of wake yourself up and it's still dark out yeah yeah and i've done the opposite where i've been there and gone out on a night of drinking and then walk out and it feels like noon. It's just like super bright. That must be tougher, right? It's weird. It feels really weird that you're going to go. You remember like your parents would make you go to bed sometimes when it was fun. Fun was still happening.

Yeah. You could hear kids having fun. Yeah. Summ hear kids having fun. Yeah, summertime, bedtime stuff, because it's like, the sun goes out at 9.30. Yeah. And you're just trying to sleep with this, like, you also don't have school in the morning,

and it's... Oh, right. Your circadian rhythms are all fucked up yeah Robert Circadian there's a hologram of Robert Circadian but it's a big it's a big government town so I think 75

percent of the people live there work for the government and then there's like some mining and I met a friend the lady i was there with up in the yukon didn't just travel myself uh brought my lady sally with me up to the yukon and uh um the uh what's her love language uh she had a cousin up there and the the cousin's husband was like yeah we're getting ready for the bison hunt oh no there's nothing worse than a cousin's husband so true i'm just kidding i love my cousin's husband um yeah uh so it's a different culture up there like the kids were going on a hunting

trip they're like 10 or 11 years old and they're gonna go on a school hunting trip so that's really wow that is a different culture yeah it's totally like uh yeah and the the way she she was describing it she's like you know we get a moose and that's enough meat for the winter into the fall or whatever and i was like oh yeah i don't count meat in that regard you know like i'm a vegetarian but still you know you don't think like i got enough steaks for the next six months. I'm usually like I buy like a week's worth of groceries. You're nursing that cod for six months.

Oh, boy. Believe it. It's stuck to my nipples. So frozen, frozen to my nipples. But also I went dog sledding. Yes. On the dog sled. Now, this is something I did when I went there.

And it was in October and there was a bit of snow, but not enough. And I'm sure you went to the same place. Yes. Well, I knew, I told the organizer, like asked him where I could go. And he had like a hookup with some someplace. It probably was the same place. And when I went, they used an ATV to kind of, like, aid us through the non-snowy parts. Oh, I see. So, it would drag you over the non-snowy parts. Yeah.

And did you, do you remember how many dogs, like were you two people on a sled or one person on a sled? It was me and comedian Simon King. And cause both of us had never done the debaters before. So we were very nervous. So we didn't want to, we wanted to practice our debates the day of, uh,

of the show, but everyone else had gone to the, to the dog sledding place the day of the show and we went the day after the show oh smart and uh but we're the only people who went and it i just remember it reeked and there were tons of dogs like tied up to stakes outside and it was like they love it out here if you say so and none of the more huskies they were all just mutts they were all like like husky mixed with whatever else yeah it's uh like they from all i can tell they really love doing the dog sledding part because i think everybody all the dogs went crazy when the like dog sledding

apparatus was broken yeah because they kind of like there's like i don't know how many dogs there are but there's maybe only eight who pull you and they all want to be chosen yeah and i like they named them at this place in different categories like there was bird names and then people's names. So our lead dog was chickadee was the lead dog. And, but like there were patches, we were on the river, like we were going along the ice on the river. And occasionally there'd be a little pool of water and the guy would be

like, that's fine. That's just overflow from the ice kind of melting the other day. And it's going to refreeze i was like yeah i guess if you say so like i won't be here when it does but yeah it was uh it was fun and uh i guess yeah i guess uh i didn't think that i'd ever do that but i just uh on a whim I was like is that something that a person can do

should have asked to go on this moose hunt with this guy did you go just you and Sally and past guest hilarious comedian Steve Patterson was there oh sure but no other comedians went along no no that was that was the whole and then you know

Steve gone before did he go when i went yes yeah um he he had been there before he kind of is always somewhere like every time i talk to him he's he's somewhere different did they go did you go inside and watch a video no did they show you a video yeah it was it was like the last scene of greece but it was all dogs but they didn't let us watch the sex stuff they didn't let us watch them going at it but I can imagine what position they used was the owner like

hey I put this thing together do you mind watching it I got fur. It's multiplying. Yeah, so went, explored the Yukon, met some true Yukoners. Yeah, what is the, is it Yukoner? Yukoneer?

I don't know. Klondikes? Sourdoughs? They're still, still yeah sourdoughs exactly eukon demonim uh demonim i'm just learning that oh wow good work knowing that word yeah huge uconner you're right uconner okay can you tell, uh, what is the demonym of Saskatchewan? Saskatchewanian. Orwanian. Yeah. Nice.

Halifax are Haligonians. And. Oh, nice. It's all nice. It is pretty nice. That's true.

Sick. Oh, boy. What's Nunavut? I have's true. Sick. Oh, boy. What's Nunavut? I have no idea. Yeah. It is Nunavumyut or Nunavumyuk for singular. Okay. Cool.

Well, whenever I go there, and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I show up in Nunavut. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Whenever I go there and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I show up and none of it. Northwest Territorians. Oh yeah. Is there any like Manitobans are just Manitobans and Toronto, Ontario is just Ontario. Yeah. I gave you the weird ones.

Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. So that was my trip up to the, uh, the gold panning is, uh, city around,

except for maybe Dawson city. Um, Oh yeah. Okay. I'm on the Wikipedia for demonyms list of adjectival and demon, demon, a macle demon, mimic forms of place names.

So the, those are the like, uh, British Columbians is the like uh british columbians is the regular one but the colloquial is bc years oh yeah okay uh newfoundlanders or labradorians but the colloquial is noofs oh just noofs that's cute Nova Scotians. The colloquial is blue nosers. Oh, that's fine. Yeah. That's a boat, right? Blue nose?

Yeah. Yukoners. The colloquial is sourdoughs. Sourdoughs. Hey! Christine knocking that out of the park. Saskatchewans. Saskatchewanians or flatlanders flatlanders

and for new brunswick it's new brunswickers the colloquial is herring chokers that one tops the list i feel like someone's not policing this wikipedia page well enough uh should we move on to some overheard no a bit of business first business uh well that sound there tells us that it is time for a little bit of business uh what type of business we're in the the money business we're in the exchange of goods for money business yeah and uh this is a way jumbotron is you can send out a message to a loved one or somebody that you work with or somebody that's their birthday or somebody's just had a kid i could go on and on of the possibilities but uh we have one this week d Dave, take it away. Yeah, this is one that is, I haven't read it yet, but I do see the names on it. And it feels like this is one where I'm just buying a message to say to myself.

Okay, fair enough. This one is to Nick from Nick. Nick. And the message is this. nick nick uh and the message is this i was gonna get my favorite podcast hosts dave and graham to wish me a congrats when i got a promotion but that never happened and i quit my job oh shit i've been at the new job for a year and figured why wait dave and and Graham in unison, if possible, say, you're doing a good job, Nick. You're doing a good job, Nick.

Nick. So suck on that. Yeah, I think you gotta leave your current job to get. They're never gonna appreciate you at your current job. Yeah, you always have to leave the job. You gotta leave them wanting more. And that's why I would like to announce that I am leaving this podcast

to go work with the boys over at The Try Guys. Do they do a podcast or just YouTube videos? What was it? Did he cheat on his wife or something? Yeah, he cheated on his wife. He was just trying it.

He's a try guy. He's a try guy. He cheated with a food baby. And his name was Ned. And you got to appreciate that. I do. I think you do. Ned is short for nerd.

The colloquial. Yeah, it's a colloquial demonym for neds um if you out there would like a jumbotron message like this one you can send it to yourself go to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron back to the show and the overheards awooga oh ross yeah oh i'm glad i found you in line these clouds are really freaking me out i Back to the show and the overheard. Awooga! Oh, Ross. Hey, hey. Oh, I'm glad I found you in line. These clouds are really freaking me out.

I hate having to stand in line. And boy, what a line. These giraffes do not smell good. No, they do not. And they have such short necks. But I'm hearing we need to get on this ark. We gotta get on the ark. It is about to rain.

God is about to destroy humanity. Hey, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Are you Noah? Yeah, I know we look like humans, but we're actually, we're podcasters. We are podcasters, so it's different. Have you heard of Ono, Ross, and Carrie? We investigate spirituality, claims of the paranormal, stuff like that. And you have a boat and say the world's going to end, so it seemed like something for us to check out.

We would love to be on the boat. We came two by two. What do you think? Ono, Ross, and Carrie, available on MaximumFun.org Oh my gosh, hi. I'm Dave Holmes, host of the pop culture trivia podcast Troubled Waters. On Troubled Waters we play games like motivational

speeches. It goes a little like this. Riley, give us an improvised motivational speech on why people should listen and subscribe to Troubled Waters. I look around this ad and I see a lot of potential to listen to comedians such as Jackie Johnson and Josh Gondelman. And they need you to get out there and listen to them attempt to figure out sound Reba's clues or determine if something is a Game of Thrones character or a city in Wales. I have chills. I'm going to give you 15 points.

All that and so much more on Troubled Waters. Find it on MaximumFun.org or wherever you choose to listen to podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where if you hear something out there in the wild, we want you to tame it, bring it back to society, and let us hear it and we always like to start with the guest

christine do you have an overheard yes i do okay so this was overheard in a cafe while working and so this guy was uh like obviously the this woman and this man were on a date um and they didn't know each other very well they were having like introductory conversations and then the guy was like um explaining about how rare the ps5 is right now um because of the microchip shortage uh which isn't true anymore it's uh it's you can easily buy it but then he said that um he's trying to get one right now because i like doing things that are really difficult but not anything that i have to do in the real world like something difficult just that i can set an alert for yeah i really

want to buy a ps5 challenge myself new year new me, I'm not sure that it isn't hard to get. I think it was really hard to get. It definitely was. Like last year. But I think now you can just walk right in and you can pick one up if you can pay for it. Right down. Yeah. Boy.

I'm looking online now. You can get them for 600 something Canadian. Holy cow. That's that. Once a, I mean, everything's more expensive now, but the fact that it starts with a six, that's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah.

And like at that point you could go get hair plugs if you got 600 bucks just lying around. Although I was, someone posted like an old catalog for like Eaton's from the early 80s. Oh yeah. And it had video games, Atari or Coleco or whatever. And back then video games were still $80. Like they've been $80 for 40 years. Like an individual game. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah.

So I was, I play hockey in a league that is colloquially known as Beer League Hockey. Okay. And so after the game, I went to the bar. And they have a bunch of TVs in the bar showing sports all on mute. You don't hear anything that's happening in any of the games. And one of the games went to commercial. And so while the commercial was on, it was a commercial for a TV show. Okay. And these words were flying at the screen and

it made me laugh and I'm going to tell you the words that were flying at the screen and maybe you can guess the TV show. Oh, I hope so. Okay, so I'm watching the show. You see a bunch of doctors and then the words coming to the screen are

doctors are great, but there's only one good doctor. Ah, nice. Nice. Uh, good promo. Yeah.

We all agree. Doctors are great, but what's better than great? Good. Good. Yeah. It should be. The show should be called be called dr great it's called the great doctor the great doctor um i think they shoot that out here they do shoot it here have you been on it christine no i have you auditioned i've never i don't think i've auditioned for it now maybe as a cashier

or like an elf that got run over by a car or something like that please i need one of the best doctors you have not great i don't need a great doctor i need a good doctor i need the kid who played charlie in the johnny depp charlie in the chocolate factory and then wasn't he also norman bates in like a reboot of psycho or something like that i don't know but whoa he's a good psycho kid psycho yeah that's psycho yeah what was that name wasn't kid psycho i think it was called bates was it called bates maybe bates motel bates motel motel i think. We're starring Freddie Highmore as Norman Bates. Oh, yeah.

That was good. I liked that show. Yeah. I thought. He's got range, this guy. He's a good doctor. He's a bad guy. He's an adult.

He's a kid. I don't know that he has that much. He can look off in an unsettling way. Have either of you ever watched The Good Doctor doctor no i i haven't ever seen it i remember a couple years ago there was a chart of the like 50 most popular time slots in the entire year of canada and it was like 40 of the most 40 of the like most watched things all year were episodes of the big bang theory yeah maybe it was 30 it was the big bang theory 10 was the good doctor and the rest were like the oscars and the super bowl but it was mostly big bang theory and the good doctor oh no ncis no i'm sorry they're they're

they're not what they used to be yeah they've uh i didn't know this but i saw a billboard with it that they've brought back all the original law and order people they're having a new law and order so it's like what with ben stone even yeah with jerry orbox corpse uh yes jerry well he nobody puts baby he's coming in hologram um yeah he uh stabler's back and uh yeah stabler's back in his thing yeah there's law and order and there's svu which never went away and then there's like mafia or something like that or cartel or something whoa anyways television is doing some weird stuff if you can check it out they're they're kind of doing the craziest things to get

people to watch yeah network tv yeah like it's all like uh procedurals and then game shows and then uh like talent-ish things like the the mass singer and shit like that like i will i i i have no shame with hbo like i'm like oh h HBO's got a new show. Oh, The Weeknd is in a new show on HBO. I'm so excited for this for some reason. Oh, I hate zombie stuff. Oh, HBO has a zombie show now. I like it.

Yeah. Anyways, if you're wondering, there's going to be a big m&m's commercial during the super bowl that's what the murmuring is about and uh yeah things are things are getting real weird i'm so excited for the super bowl can't wait to hear what rihanna sings oh i watched an episode of um like is it name that tune where you like hum the tune and then you have to or like is that what that is i forget what the exact name of it was called but uh it's um uh jane krakowski is the host yeah what is that now what's his name from uh from american idol jack jackson something is it randy jackson yeah randy jackson he's he's sitting at a big piano and people bet and it's all celebrities and they bet if uh they can name the song in like five notes

and then the other one goes like i can name name it in four notes. Yeah. That's named that too. Name that too. Yeah. So it's, it's a crazy, like built up, uh, wild version,

like a hunger game style version of it's hunger game. What happens if they lose the bet? Do they get slimed? No, they get shot with an arrow. Um, I saw that you can bet on what

Rihanna's first song will be when she does the halftime show. Oh, yeah. I don't think it's going to be

Umbrella. That to me is like a closer song. For me, it's got to be Shine Bright Like a Diamond.

Oh, yeah, that's a good pick. What if it's a cover? Why don't you do that? Could blow everyone away with a cover. Why not?

What's your favorite Rihanna song? Stay, probably. I want you to stay. Nice. That makes me cry. Beautiful. My favorite is All My rowdy friends are coming over tonight for me it's the stars bangled banner good for me that's i consider it a star spangled banger uh now i will do an overheard how do you like that? oh you haven't?

no I haven't this was a couple going up the escalator in front of me and they were saying back and forth she said yeah he got caught he did an armed robbery he probably put those pantyhose on his head and the other one said yeah he's so old

like that's a vintage way to kind of it is a vintage way also like pretending you have a gun in your coat pocket yes using your fingers to poke it uh yeah i just thought like because i haven't in fairness, I haven't heard or seen in movies that happened since I was a kid. The Pantyhose Routine. Yeah. But it seems like it would still work. Yeah. I think it would, yeah.

Your face, how you look. The Masked Robber. It's revealed the celebrity every time. Yeah, sure. Oh my God. It'serry mathers from lewis now we also have overheard sent into us uh by people all over the place if you want to send one in you can send it in to spy at maximum fun.org and this is Aaron from Charlottetown PEI my 8 year old son and I were driving to the pet store the other day to buy a hamster

when we were discussing what their gender might be in hindsight I guess they're all males seeing as the females have to breed which segues nicely into our conversation son I hope it's a boy no offense I just like being a boy plus you know what you have to do when you're a girl mom said what do you mean said you know having babies really hurts and uh she said oh yeah it

does uh there are a lot of difficult things about being a girl but there are difficult things about being a boy too and the son said yeah taxes she she laughs and he says what i'm really worried about taxes yeah i gotta say they hurt but like it just it's like homework that you get every year do your taxes it's like yeah honestly get it four times a year i have to play pay incrementally yeah i got that too i think i forgot to do it the last couple months. Oh, you're going to want to do that. This next one comes from Alex in Austin, Texas. Real simple. I was in traffic behind a car that had a bumper sticker that said,

caution, this vehicle makes frequent stops at your mom's. Pretty good. Snuck in there in the last second. That's not true, is it? Because my dad is there. He's doing my taxes. Literally is. I bought a new computer this year.

Can I write it off? In increments. Yeah. I already paid the increments. Can I write off this computer uh this last one comes from chelsea from chicago i was at the children's museum with my toddler when a group of five-ish year old kids went riding by a child chasing the other ones was shouting i've got mormon powers i've got mormon powers and what could that possibly be

that they're cool that they're friendly that they're they wear nice ties these are all the powers I think Graham doesn't want to offend our Mormon listeners but I'm not afraid of them goodbye Salt Lake City

goodbye strike that off our tour. No, I got a lot of Mormon friends. Yeah, I've got Mormon friends in low places. Yeah. Yeah. The something, the whiskey. No, they don't drink.

So it would have to be the caffeinated pop. Yeah, they can't even have caffeine? No, no caffeine you used to you once told me about going to school with mormon kids and they would on the weekends they would sneak caffeine they would sneak sodas that was their big like that was their big rebellious thing that they did was i'll i'll come at the uh the pop machine with quarters and just go nuts and it started the whole thing started because they they thought hot beverages would like you know kind of increase libido or something and then it just who's having the kids in your school or just the more no the mormon church And then it turned into, it just became caffeine

and then it became all caffeinated beverages. And so, I think I've got that story. Why would you not want to increase your libido? I don't know. You know,

awkward school dances. I don't know why you wouldn't. Now at my age, I'm like, I'm done with my libido. Get out of here, lib libido i'm sick of it christine who's the weirdest kid you hung out with in high school in high school you know sometimes when i was in high school we'd be like man they're acting so

weird and then later we'd look back and we're like, oh, they had mental health issues. So I don't know if like anyone was really weird. Yeah, maybe that's not fair. Sure. Yeah, I don't know if weird. Maybe random is the word I'm looking for. Random. Did I hang out with anyone random?

I hung out, you know, there was this guy who he um he was like uh his dad had just got gotten rich they'd never been rich and his dad but he's he was the saddest he'd ever been in his life the dad or the kid the kid and because i guess his dad was just working all the time or something but he was so sad but then he would like in the same breath, he would brag about being rich. It was so hard to feel bad for him. Yeah. It's like,

Oh, and it wouldn't be like, but at least I have this car. If my dad's not hanging out, it'd be like, Oh my God, man, I'm so sad.

I don't get to see my dad as much anymore. Um, did you see this new like pair of sick shoes i got like they look pretty great right they were really expensive just right into it you know so i didn't really like his dad was buying his life you know what i gotta tell you i was a mental illness yeah probably yep i don't know if i'm equipped to diagnose it but there was a dude in our junior high that on frequent occasions would wear like a 1970s red jumpsuit that and uh he was he was the king of the school whenever he wore the red jumpsuit we we all loved him he couldn't do it every day

because there's only one jumpsuit but he was pretty cool we all liked we all like jumpsuit guy red jumpsuit yeah man i wish i was the king of a school did you ever try wearing a jumpsuit one of my friends in high school she like came to school one day and she was like christine i got a tattoo i was like all right show me it and then she was like check it out and it was on her back and her name didn't start with a c but it was a cobra in the shape of a c and i was like it's cool but like why did you why did you get a cobra in the shape of a c and she said i am going to get carpe diem in cobras oh my god that is so cool i'm 10 of the way through with this tattoo but it's already cool right i just saw dead poet society carpe diem boy oh boy that is i wouldn't in a thousand years have guessed what the,

what was going to happen with that. And the cobras, I love it. Because they've got that kind of triangular shape at the head. Yeah. It's because of the Dead Poets Society movie. I think that's where she got the idea. I still haven't seen it, but I know that they loved those. They loved to seize the day those dead poets what did you say graham what i've never seen dead poet society

what's the what is the tattoo oh they just keep saying yeah carpe diem in it but they don't oh it's is that supposed to be a play on words like cobra diem or is it just i think it is i think it is oh i think she just thought the cobra was cool honestly yeah i think are known for seizing things can you imagine going to the beach and you've got that on your back with which cobras it's man oh man i just even having a tattoo of a cobra i think when i was a kid that meant. Just even having a tattoo of a cobra, I think when I was a kid, that meant you were pretty badass. Yeah. If you had a cobra tattooed on you. Yeah, Cobra Commander, Death Crow.

Any of them, those twins. Okay, in addition to our words that are written in, we also have your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh, SpyPod. One. Like these people have.

Hi, this is Chris calling in from Vancouver. Just at the Safeway on the corner of Commercial and Broadway. Wednesday morning at 10 a.m. I'm waiting to check out. There's two guys in front of me. One has a Wildcat Strong beer. The other has a Caribou beer. And we're just taking sips as they're waiting for the groceries to get checked in see in the next lane over

the next aisle over there's a woman an older woman who looks at them and I see him checking them out and I expect there's going to be some kind of complaint instead she whips out a bottle of vodka shows them, takes a slam and then they cheers and then she says, this makes shopping

so fun anyway, off i go getting wasted while shopping that is fun yeah and you're not supposed to shop hungry yeah but i don't know you're not supposed to shop horny that's the other one oh yeah because i keep buying like a watermelon with a hole drilled in it. How many do I need? Three is enough. Yeah.

I once bought a really embarrassing t-shirt when I got drunk and went to the mall. What was it? It was one of those shirts where you can write your own stuff on it. Like you can get it screen printed. What time of day were you drunk at the mall? In the middle of the day. We were skipping class to go to the mall yeah which somehow makes it better i wasn't like you were a teenager 16 and alone yeah but i went to the thing it's better than getting a tattoo that is part of a larger work yeah that's true the other guy who has a cobra tattoo sylvester

stallone in the movie cobra oh sure okay tell me about the shirt yeah it was like kelly green like a very bright rich green and then in the bottom left hand corner of the shirt sparkle text was and seen oh no theater kid theater kid if you don't know yeah like at the end of an improv scene you joke you'd be like and seen and i thought it was the coolest thing in the world it was like 45 which was a lot when you're making $6.80 an hour at Dairy Queen. Yeah, and all that money's gone into getting you drunk, so you've got to dig deep. What was your favorite Slurpee to make? No, Blizzard to make.

Favorite Blizzard to make was I would get cookie dough and strawberry. Wait, was this on the menu? No. Or is this something you made yourself? Off-label, yeah. Off-menu. Did people come in and order things off-menu? Sometimes. And would you do it?

Yeah. Yeah, a great thing is getting the cookie crunch that they put in the cakes and then getting the cone-dipped chocolate. And then as you're eating it, it to like melt but also harden in your mouth it was really good that rules i love now well established on this show that dairy queen is my favorite restaurant and i don't even like the hottie i like a blizzard but i also like how much brownie stuff they offer and the whipped cream is good too. I love how they were always like brand new and all of the signage. And they'd just pick one that's been around for 30 years.

Like fudge. All new fudge, extreme fudge. Yeah. Do you ever, did you, did your time at Dairy Queen make you, uh,

want, did it make you like it more or do you avoid it now oh i think the food is good yeah i have rules they they broil it or whatever they like you they braise it the braise on the brazier dave maybe like do you think someday when you retire just to make things interesting maybe get a part-time job at Dairy Queen? Some people say that. I'm like, you've never worked at a Dairy Queen. You've never worked in fast food.

I think I would like to come up with a character named Brazier Crane, who works at Dairy Queen, but also has a radio show where he talks about toppings whatever man here's your next phone call hi Dave, Graham and probable guest this is Bipika in Toronto and I have an overhead so I

was in a Costco and I overheard a I think around early teenage year child say to his father, Papa, stop looking at that table. And the father says, we don't have a table like that at home. And the son says, Papa, remember no more impulse buys. Off I go. I impulse bought a

table. Where the fuck am I going to put this thing? I know, but it's a good looking table. A couple years ago, Abby and I bought some outdoor furniture were you sober maybe um i uh we bought some uh is the couch an outdoor couch two outdoor chairs and an outdoor like coffee table that coffee table there's no use for it. There's nowhere to put it.

Right. But you just did it because it's part of the set. It's part of the set. Yeah. And, uh, we, you know,

it was the cheapest comfortable set at Canadian Tire. Nice. Some of those more expensive sets, the cushions are just too, too, uh, firm. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Isn't it? I just suppose any outdoor thing is firm, sets, the cushions are just too firm. Oh, yeah. I just suppose any outdoor thing is firm, like any seating your benches and whatnot. No, there's cushions. There's cushions. Cushions should be soft. But, yeah, I've never impulse bought a table.

Anyway, here's your final phone call. Hey, fellas, and possibly lady. This is Aaron from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, calling with an overheard of the kids saying the darndest persuasion. I was driving the other day with my

three-year-old daughter, and she looked at me through the mirror and said, don't you dare say the f word daddy and i said okay don't worry i won't and then i was kind of watching her through the mirror and i could see that she wanted to say it and i knew that it was coming and then she looked at me and said the f word is shit all right come on And that's how I found out my daughter doesn't know the alphabet. Now, he said he ended his call

with, I'm off. Just a reminder, the way you end your call with us is, of course, I'm on my way. Oh, man. I'm trying to think of the weirdest thing that I impulse bought. I think I bought a cheech and chong movie poster and i didn't remember and then it showed up and i was like holy shit online yeah i bought it online oh that's not an impulse buy graham

an impulse buy is like when you're in line and they have like gummy candy well it was advertised to me as like uh yeah the gummy candy's on the table and he's like grab that table um well that brings us to the end of this here episode christine thank you so much for being our guest thank you so much it was so much fun and what would you like to say what's up what are you doing we we love your uh whole deal what's going on did you say what's going on i may have i've got portal and personality I'm doing a show that I love so much actually so the guy with the bucket from earlier

named Aaron Reed we do a show called Hell Night Together and it's going to be coming back for the first time in a long time Graham's done it before yeah it was fun yeah and we're going to do it on March 11th at Little Mountain Gallery, which is semi-reopening now, but hopefully fully reopening even more as the year goes on. So March 11th.

And then just for that- Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Hell Night is a brilliant show where you are a weird alien with a voice changing device. Yeah, modifier, yeah. Yeah, with Aaron who is just a normal guy. He's the normal guy for the one time in his life. And you're his alien roommate.

Yeah. And I love it. It's brilliant. People should check it out. You said that the little mountain gallery is opening what does that mean for the show and then people find out what that is okay you can um little mountain at little mountain gallery on um the internet on instagram on the internet just type it into google and then my at is at

the only borderline and i'll have uh yeah i'll post about it on there okay then um also just for last vancouver is starting up february 16th to 25th and i am very very excited uh for all that and i helped uh helped on it this year so yeah you should check it out there's like a billion really great shows there's a billion of them she's been busy that's a thousand million and seen uh thank you again christine and thank you to all you out there for listening uh we love you we adore you we want to kiss and hug you our love language is kissing you

and come on back next week for another episode of stop Podcasting Yourself.