Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 780 - Courtney Gilmour

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Courtney Gilmour returns to talk perfume, poached eggs, and cookbooks.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 780 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who's, uh, well, we were just talking about icy gum before the show started. And I feel like he's probably not an icy gum man. He's more like a red cinnamon kind of gum man. Mr. Dave Shumka.

What? No one is a red cinnamon gum man. There's no such man. Wasn't there? There was cinnamon gum for a while. Of course there is. But no one's that. No one's that kind of person.

There was Big Red, which was the one with the commercials where everyone was making out for a long time. Yes. And that's how gum should be advertised. Not with, you know icicles and somebody falling into a winter wonderland yeah was it past guest ryan bellville was in a commercial where his head fell off because it froze and that's right um so here's what's going on with me breath wise um i uh it's 11 30 here in vancouver i had uh i didn't brush my teeth until 11 20 okay wild and i did a brushing i did a flossing and mouthwash so i can't yeah i can't eat for the

next half hour so that's gonna let's see how that affects the show i like that you kept it to 11 20 like uh like camping rules yeah i was trying to get some work done. I was really up against the deadline this morning. Well, I hope you got there. I hope you landed it. Our guest today, returning guest of the podcast, oh-so-funny comedian, Juno-nominated comedian for her album, Let Me Hold Your Baby.

It's Courtney Gilmore, everybody. Hello. Hello. Hi. Thanks for having me. You know what? I was thinking that's a lot of... I want to think you did the breath prep for the Zoom call.

All that work into making yourself minty fresh just for us. Even though we don't... It's just the vibe of it. You wanted to be fresh. It's the feeling of it. I do that. I wear perfume on zoom that's smart what kind of perfume what are we dealing with is this a celebrity perfume or

i've got options i'm a i i love perfume so my signature scent is candy by candy by prada but i have such a color i'm like uh i don't know what the term is, but I'm really into, I'm on a website, fragrances. Like, it's called Fragrantica.com and it's just people reviewing and talking about. But you can't get any, like, what do you get out of the reviews? Can you tell, like, just from what someone describing you're like oh yeah i know what that smells like um well you what you can get is i mean it's a lot of people just wanting to feel important almost like you're talking about wine but you're talking about scents and it's what you can get is recommendations based on the kind of notes that you look for in the perfume like for me

uh i i like smelling like candy or baked goods vanilla i like a lot of strong vanilla scent and so i know what top notes and base notes are in those fragrances and so i okay give me uh okay i'm guessing the top notes okay the base notes gotta be vanilla yeah you're right it's definitely vanilla or is it or is it a top note well and then the top note cinnamon yeah a vanilla forward fragrance would have vanilla as a top note but also maybe something uh like caramel or amber i like warm warm scents it's called gourmand and that's that's my territory i like i'm currently into this perfume by Tom Ford. It's called Tobacco Vanille. And it smells like cigarettes and gingerbread cookies.

Now that's what I'm talking about. It's a really strong scent. It smells sweet and good to me, but it's not for everyone. I believe you. to me but it's not for everyone i believe you but i have a feeling that if i smelled it i would think that smells like cologne yeah uh yeah for sure well cologne has a lot of i was thinking about this first of all the cigarettes and gingerbread it smells like um your it smells like your mom is in the kitchen like baking cookies but she's really fucking stressed and she's smoking cigarettes too while she's baking you lost me at it smells

like your mom but cigarettes and gingerbread does sound like a lot of like uh oh the term is called sillage sillage is like it describes like the staying power of perfume so that when someone walks away you can still kind of like smell it in their walk away and i find that cologne has really strong more than perfume i feel like men's cologne is just like um there's old lady perfume for sure that definitely has that where you can like smell it in an elevator but i find that a lot of men's cologne is extremely heavy i like the name smell in an elevator for a renegade sure there's another memoir memoir. When I'm walking down the street, if I see someone coming towards me and I think that they smell bad or just they smell strong, I will hold my breath. And then hold my breath for however long I think it will take for me to have passed what I believe their smell to be.

It's all in my head. me to have passed what i believe their smell to be it's all in my head i my goal is to have a sillage that's so powerful that when you walk away and you think that you've gotten away from it no once you start breathing again it's still there you're 10 you're yards away and you're still there's a stinky cashier at the grocery store the other day really yo bo cashier the other day didn't like it why didn't you like it what do you know i know i should like his bo was it bo or it was a it was bo yeah and his hands were uh you know bad fingernails too oh no it's just a disaster all around yeah this guy's touching my food he's getting a stink on my celery the sillage of this guy was unbelievable i tasted him in my stew uh do we want to get to know us yes

get to know us i um i never i like i think in high school i probably wore a cologne a brute or something like that was like a big thing you were a bit of a brute yeah that's right in high school i was a bit of a brute i was uh what was i the linebacker you're like a caveman with a big club yeah yeah but uh do like is what's the amount of perfume that's the right like because i feel like i was talking to somebody last night that had too strong of perfume how do you know is the right level to where is it like just experience or is there a specific way because i've heard like you spray it in the air and walk through it instead of spraying it directly at yourself like i spray it in a zed formation

that's not bad that's a good technique i personally am a i'm like you like as much as I enjoy exploring different aromas and fragrances, I don't like to overdo it. So if it's a heavier scent like the tobacco vanilla one, that's very, very low dosage. That's going to be a walk, a misty walkthrough. Just a little to finish off the vibe, the aesthetic. But I guess it's experience because i think a lot of people their first instinct is to just go really heavy-handed just spray all over i don't i don't think that you should do that so just i think less is less is more and then if you buy better quality fragrances though you don't need to do more because i think people do more because they buy cheap perfume and

then they realize like an hour in they can't smell it anymore so they're like oh I must need more but if you get a good quality right sillage it's it's gonna be there with you for a few hours if not more I I amazing I don't do the spray and walk through I've always been told to spray where you want to be kissed. So I spray it at like the movie theater, the amusement park. Dave's really happy with himself. In the rain, in the rain with a dramatic music playing.

Have you ever, are you an adventurer with it? Do you like fancy yourself like do you think you have a good nose for it do would you ever combine two cents do you think you could is that would that be like an expert move i don't know i definitely do that i i have a feeling that if i confessed that on for grantica.com that I would be significantly downvoted or whatever the, like, I think that's probably not an expert move to combine them,

but I, I do that. And I say, I mean, I'm not an expert. I think I just know what I like. And so I know what, what I wear well in terms of sense,

but I, I'm not an adventurer. No, I keep, I, I stick to the baked goods. I like cinnamon buns, buns vanilla i don't really go floral or citrusy i don't like soap smells or flowery smells at all so i think i just know what

i like does anyone like they like tom ford puts out a thing prada puts out a fragrance has cinnabon ever put out a fragrance they should you know that tom ford also has there is i don't remember what it's called but there is a fragrance that is designed to smell like gasoline a bit like some motor oil because people like that scent i haven't i haven't tried it yet but um yeah you know what food rest like restaurants and like ice cream places should start releasing fragrances. Oh, yeah. I want to smell like a Subway. I want everybody to be like that.

Subway's already releasing a fragrance. Subway's the worst one to smell like. No, but I want people to like kind of think about a meatball sub when I'm around. Yeah. Have you read the book Perfume, The Story of a Murderer? No, I have not. Well, it's about this guy, Jean-Philippe Grenouille. Jean-Baptiste Grenouille?

French guy. Who has no scent of his own. He's completely scentless. And yet, he becomes the world's greatest perfumer by killing young women. Okay. Sure. And making perfume out of their hair What?

Out of their hair? Young women like on the I guess Why am I tiptoeing around it? When they get their period Okay This guy's a real entrepreneur Yeah, and there's a Nirvana song

About it, Sentless Apprentice That's it, I have never Okay. This guy's a real entrepreneur. Yeah. And there's a Nirvana song about it. Sentence Apprentice. That's it. I have never, I can't wait to take that little fun factor for grantagada.com. Oh, they know it. They know it. I've noticed, I think what I love most about that website is that I like to kind of, I'm a bit of a, not bit of a i'm i'm a hate hate watcher hate i like to hate watch things like movies bad movies very specific kinds but also so on this website i love reading other

people's reviews because i find them very funny and i find there's a common thread where a lot of people who review the perfumes uh if they don't like it they'll they'll say that it smells like baby wipes that across the board across the board they're like i didn't like it, they'll, they'll say that it smells like baby wipes that across the board, across the board. They're like, I didn't like it. It smells like baby wipes, which I think is their way of saying that they could set,

they could detect the alcohol too strongly. I don't know. Oh, sure. Okay. Now I want to know what you hate. Watch. You said there's a very particular type of movie or show that you hate.

Watch. I want to know what's the, what's the genre before we get, I want to say on perfumes, just one minute longer. Cause I went to free grant fragrantica.com and i see that there's a brand of perfumes called zerjoff x-e-r-j-o-f-f okay but if you look at it really quickly it looks like jerk off i'm glad we stayed on perfume for any thoughts i'll bring it up to the gang i'll be like hey guys have you ever noticed that this kind of looks like it says jerk off we heard what you were saying about us on the

podcast yeah you've been blocked to your blocks from perfumica i heard you've been combining she's been banned courtney smells like baby wipes get her out of here okay the reason we didn't have you on just to talk about perfume but i'm glad we got into it i did not expect to reveal that part of my life so early on to any you know i didn't you you come into this podcast you think it's going to be one way and it's something totally different yeah yeah absolutely so what do you hate watch what's your genre you don't have to say specifically okay like what what type of thing do you like to hate watch do you hate watch? What's your genre? You don't have to say specifically. Okay. Like what type of thing do you like to hate watch? Do you watch movies on Prime Video?

On Prime? Yes. Okay. Yes. First of all, I love having a subscription to Prime Video so that I can scroll through all the movies there are to rent. Yes. Yeah. But. Yeah. are to rent yes yeah but yeah um and especially it's especially insulting when the ones there are some that um are up to rent but then when they're in season so for example a lot like they

do this with the scream franchise around halloween they'll make it free to watch or like free within your subscription to watch but otherwise other time february no you're not getting scream you gotta pay for it but right um there's so many bad movies on prime and it really ranges i actually just posted this on my story for i was looking for recommendations usually horror thriller type type movies okay bad ones like that but they can't be they can't be can't be they can't be self-aware i also like those ones but that's but they can't be, they can't be, can't be, they can't be self-aware. I also like those ones, but that's not why I hate watch the ones that I watch. I need something in between, in between student film and a movie that stars like an A or B list,

list actor, but still got like 22% on rotten tomatoes, something like that. Where it's like kind of good quality, but also bad. Oh, you do? What is it? It's an early Bradley Cooper film called Murder Meat Train.

And it is exactly what you're after. Amazing. Okay, Murder Meat Train. Yeah. I think I watched it on Prime. I only watch it on... On Prime only I'm really exclusive when it comes to

no it's just I'll check that one out it's just that Prime has such an abnormally large selection of bad movies you know there's so many there are some on Netflix too but um yeah give

netflix their flowers they've got terrible movies for sure there's a lot more student films though on prime video those ones are good you can always tell especially with horror here like are you guys do you watch horror movies are you fans yeah okay now like compulsively you know when it's like really low budget and really bad when there's like a greenish lighting the light is kind of green and then there's heavy metal anywhere in the movie oh that's interesting yeah there's always heavy metal in a i don't know if it's like they just can't get licensing to other music or anything like that but i've just noticed a lot of that's a common thread is heavy metal uh music somewhere in the film greenish lighting weird angles yeah you know it'd be weird if there

was bluegrass music during a horror or dixieland jazz jackie jackie pirico you know jackie she we were just talking she was saying that i have to check out. Her recommendation was a movie called The Lost on Prime. And apparently it's just like so, so bad. And it's like a true crime. But they couldn't get. She said. Oh, what did she say? She said that it's like they couldn't get the funding for different locations.

So a lot of the detectives are like. This is what she said. are like this is what she said the detectives use the home office of the victims of the crime and get them to do the tech stuff

for them and she goes it's so low budget that some characters appear only over the phone and I love that that's up my alley that's the kind. And I love that. That's what that's up my alley. That's the kind of movie I want to watch. Oh,

that's fantastic. You know? Yeah. If I think there's another one, I can't remember the name of it, but I will, I will find it. I will send it to you.

If you're listeners, like, please, I will check out. I will watch anything. I will watch it. As long as it's on Prime or Prime only here. And it can't be for rent.

It has to be in the free zone. It has to be in the free zone. Come on, I'm not paying. It's kind of backwards that Scream would do that. You'd think that they would be like, yeah, you can have Scream for free 11 months a year, but in October you get to pay. Yeah, exactly.

You want it the most. Scream is my favorite franchise i love scream so much i will continue to watch them no matter how bad they get i'm loyal i'm loyal to scream is the have you seen the new one yeah uh the one yes the one that was just out like a couple years ago there's another new one but it's it's out in like a month i think oh it's not out yet isn't there two new ones there's like a reboot and a sequel floating around at the same time have I got that wrong

the Scream 6 no Scream 5 I believe was last year and Scream 6 is coming up that's pretty close proximity to when the last one came out I did see that in the theater and I will see the next one for sure I love it and i

i think it should be for i think it's one of those um you know when books uh no like isn't let me answer that question for you right now i read i've only read one book and it's about a perfume murderer like some literature is just like canonized where it's just like free for like, you know, you don't ever have to pay for it. It's just out there. Whether you Google it and find a PDF of it, it's just out there. You don't have to buy it anymore. That's what Scream should be. Scream should be free.

Public domain. Yeah. Public domain. Exactly. That's what I think. Which of the Screams do you feel feel not without saying the ending, which one do you feel is like the silliest? The silliest.

Yeah. I have one in mind and it's okay. The final scene all takes place on a, like a high school, uh, set for a play is the, uh, the big concluding scene.

Is that three? Very silly. That's three. No. Or, uh, maybe three maybe two because okay scream four i was gonna say my guess with my uh answer was gonna be four that's the one with emma roberts i won't give away this but that's the one where she plays um sydney's cousin oh it's eric

roberts daughter that one ends pretty nutty, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the first one, everybody knows how the first one ends. No, they don't. They don't? Dave, are you not a scream head? I have not seen. I know.

Okay. Can I spoil it if I haven't seen it based on context clues of things I've learned? Yeah. Sure. Look, scream ahead if you don't want to get out of the first one. Everyone wants to know who the killer is, and it turns out it's two guys. Yeah, it's two guys. And one of them's shaggy.

Two guys on top of each other with a trench coat. Yeah. Two guys. One of them is Skeet. Skeet and one of them is Matthew Lillard. That is correct. Is it pronounced lillard for real no okay no i was gonna say that's very i went to french immersion and it's still in perfume land over there yes oh boy i love matthew lillard lillard, I love him. He's just, I loved him in SLC Punk and then in the Scream. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think he's a great. He's shaggy. He's shaggy. Yeah, he's shaggy. I read that Scream 3, so the lowest rated Scream is Scream 3. And I was reading about it because I actually really like Scream 3, but they had so many challenges making it because it was right after the columbine murders and there was a lot of hype in the media about showing excess violence on screen and so

there was like this there was all these stipulations and parameters they had to um like implement on set where it was like we can't have that much blood anymore we can't have that much like really explicit graphic stabbing and so right they were working around all of that and um i guess that's what why it wasn't as gory as the the original the first two i like that they don't do that anymore because there's so many shootings they're like well we're not going to change every movie yeah exactly yeah well you know what if you turn the the blood blue then you could have as much as you want yeah i also liked after 9-11 how they were like well no you can't have we can't have any movies that ever had the twin towers yeah exactly twin towers have never existed go change zoolander is scream 3 the one with laurie metcalf is that no that's roseanne

uh that's two i think i think that's two wait is it no yeah it that's she's skeet's mom something like that yeah and she's getting the second one yeah i believe so okay um i haven't seen any of these i've seen the first five minutes the first one ends very it's very funny because they're like they're they're gonna set up uh nev campbell as the murderer and so the way that they're gonna do it to throw off suspensions they're gonna stab each other so it looks like they were uh had defense wounds and right away Matthew Lillard gets stabbed too deep and starts dying. I,

um, boy, it's weird that I haven't seen that, but I've seen like three of the scary movies. I haven't seen any of the scary movies. Oh, if you like, uh,

it's the scream and you like those commercials where the guys go, what's up? You'll love them. Such a specific taste. You love the, if you love the what's up guys oh man remember those guys yeah to find a generation if you ask me um the uh uh like screen movies have really kept you know like sometimes a movie franchise just keeps a person's career completely afloat like yeah i don't know how much we would see that Vin Diesel in the car drivers.

Yeah. Car drivers. Car drivers. Those when they were banding around titles, like, would you just call it car drivers? I mean, that's what they're doing.

Fast and the Furious really is the scream of car movies if you really think about vin diesel nev campbell pretty much the same recurring character facing similar challenges no i've seen i've seen fast and the furious but how many are they up to 10 yet or no or more uh they say this next one's going to be the last one, whichever one it is. But I think that's a lie. I think it might be. Yeah, I think it's nine coming out. But they also did Hobbs and Shaw. That's true.

Yeah, a little spin off. But Neve Campbell is out now. She's not doing them anymore? They weren't. She was arguing with their. She was protesting their compensation after this past Scream. She was like, she's the Scream queen. She's the one who's kept this franchise going for so long.

And she was complaining that she wasn't getting proper compensation offers. And so they were not willing to budge on that. So now she's out. So now they've, she's not, I think she's not in them anymore. to budge on that so now she's out so now they've she's not I think she's not

in them anymore just to correct myself the next one is Fast 10 and it stars Rita Moreno as Abuelita Toretto I thought you were

going to say Rita McNeil and I was like no that can't be right she makes her big comeback in the Fast and Furious movies

from beyond the grave did she die oh she did die that's right Rita McNeil is the much dead yeah she's one of canada's most dead she's one of our most canadian treasures uh how many uh halloweens were there there's at least 10 of those and that jamie lee curtis kind

of rolled back into those uh like six or seven years ago and she kind of regained her title as the Scream Queen. Yeah. So, I mean, we're going to see Neve Campbell come back. I hope so. I really do. She's the daughter of a Scream Queen. Her mother was in Psycho.

That's right. She's a Nepo. She's a horror Nepo. Yeah. That's so funny. It's in the blood. Who's your favorite Nepo? Oh, for me, it's got to be Bo Brid your favorite nepo oh for me it's gotta be beau bridges

beau bridges nice uh scott eastwood for me scott eastwood nobody beats him i don't even i don't even know i don't even know list list some nepo babies some i mean because when you i remember looking up a list and it was like everyone. Yeah. It's everyone. Um, well there were like, there was that big thing a few months ago about Nepo babies. And it was like,

yes, obviously, um, Willow Smith is, uh, has gotten somewhere because of her parents fame. Oh, she would have gotten there anyway.

She's good. Yeah. She would have gone back and forth with her hair. Um, but, uh, and then there were people like phoebe bridgers uh and like who's a singer songwriter and her dad was like built sets

in movies it's like i don't know what's the crossover between yeah and her songs a lot of her songs are about her dad being a deadbeat. So I don't know how far. Was Jesus on the list? Ultimate. Oh, yeah. He should be. Yeah. The OG.

But I do like the ones where it was like, well, their parents worked in an unrelated field, but their parents were actually pretty good at that. Yeah, exactly. Like Kurt Russell's dad owned a minor league baseball team. So that probably gave him a leg up though. You know? Yeah. Yeah. There's some, there's some families where it's like three generations worth,

like, like the Barrymore's. I feel like there was a three generation. Yes. Yes. You know what? Drew Barrymore would be at the top for me. I love Drew Barrymore.

So. Okay. She's my, she's my favorite nepo baby i think and i think she's i mean in terms of like because she has had quite a a wild life and she was in hollywood as a starlet for so like but didn't she she was like raised in studio 54 like she was everywhere and i feel she see I mean you never know what from what you see just on social media but she seems very well adjusted like she seems very like homespun for a nepo baby you know there's somebody who was like doing cocaine at age 12 yeah went to rehab at 13 and she seems like she turned out all right it feels like how is that okay with people that there was this kid walking around and everybody was going nuts? At no point did somebody go like, hey, get out of here, kid.

We don't care if you're in E.T. Get the fuck out of here. No, I know. When you hear about child actors' early experiences, it's horrifying the parties that they were at. And they just, because they were the star of whatever. And they just, you know, maybe it's horrifying the parties that they were at and they just because they were the star of whatever and they just you know maybe it's weird it's weird and creepy and bad but i think maybe they thought when they're you know oh it's cool we're gonna make them feel like a real celeb by including them in our in our our blunt rotations. Macaulay Culkin. Green blunt rotation.

Macaulay Culkin. Macaulay Culkin, Drew Barrymore. Yeah. Four grown-ups. Yeah, exactly. Pick any grown-ups you like. Oh, man. Were you ever a club kid? Were you ever a nepo baby? Yeah kid were you ever a nepo baby yeah were you

ever a nepo baby first let's get that out of the way are you a nepo baby i'm not a nepo baby but you know i've been doing uh because people are talking it's a hot topic and i've been doing um a joke about it because i i'm not a nepo baby but um I grew up I I kind of get you know because they they grow up wealthy and privileged and I think that in turn just from the outset they expect preferential treatment because that's what they're used to right and I I guess because this isn't a video podcast this is me like telling your listeners, but I am, uh,

I am an amputee, so I'm missing hands. And, um, you'll hear all about it. If you listen to my album called, let me hold your baby. It's the first joke about why I should hold your baby.

Cause I don't have hands, but I should still be able to hold your baby. Cause I can hold, I've never dropped my phone. So, um, and other, still be able to hold your baby because i can hold i've never dropped my phone so um and all my friends are always having stories about how they drop their phones in their toilets that was a very 2010 thing to do was always dropping drunkenly dropping your phones in toilets and then having to put it on rice but because of that because i was grown i'm a

congenital amputee meaning i was born without hands and so I had a lot of interesting encounters with like growing up and having strangers approach my like my parents when they would take me out in public this is real like for rest at restaurants and stuff um strangers would come up to us and I guess just out of the like maybe feeling sympathy or like oh she's so cute and like they would give me money like they would give me 20 bucks and like put it in my onesie and they and and this happened this happened quite frequently like that it became a story my parents would be like yeah it was weird we were just at like swiss chalet and like people would just come up and give you money and and so you know like and i remember i mean i'm sure i guess it happened a lot when i was a baby but it didn't stop until i was probably a teenager like people would just like feel the need to compensate me for existing

in the world man i can just picture the conversation of somebody at swish la like so what are we gonna do what's the right amount to just yeah to give to a baby the waitress thinks that they're about to tip her they go straight for me make a beeline for the baby and but now it's like and they would you know they're i mean they would always say things like and people still say things to me like wow like i was watching you eat and you're like you're so inspiring like the bar is low the bar is so low for me to inspire people i was watching you eat could you stop watching me you pervert

and i feel sometimes like my part of my mind goes back to when people were giving me money and people come up to me and will say things. Now, I just feel like this instinct to like open my purse. I mean, like, yeah, where's the 20, you know, slide it over my way. So that's as close as I can feel to relateability for a nepo baby is just like reflexively expecting something from strangers that I'm not owed in any way. Oh, it's just such a weird impulse. I don't know. I know.

My wife and I were watching you review fragrances on fragrantica and we wanted to give you $15 sample from a Vogue magazine. Listen, times are tough. I'm not going to say no anymore. If you want to slide in my DMs, I take PayPal, like, you know, e-transfer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was very inspiring the way you went on the podcast.

Oh, man. Speaking of Swish LA, was that a regular place for you to go as a kid? Yeah, because it was an after church thing. Oh, it was after church. I loved going to Swish LA after church. Nice. Like for lunch? Yes.

Sunday lunch. And there was usually, like, it was pretty packed Sunday after church. For listeners not from Canada, Swish LA is a Canadianadian uh sort of a canada's cheeky nando's it's a it's a restaurant where that's famous for their rotisserie chickens and a little bit of dipping uh gravy yeah that's about it a lot of them in the 80s were decked out like chalets the the kind of the yeah format of the restaurant which is not like when i think after church i want give me an eggs benedict i'm not thinking oh you're more of a brunch sunday yeah i'm more of a brunch guy give me a cinnamon were you a kid and you wanted eggs benedict when

you were a kid yes mother i would like the salmon benny you had a refined taste. Well, I'm a nepo baby. You know what, though? The thing is, we had early, I don't know if your family's ever went to church, but we had early church. And so we always, like, we would get up early and we would already eat breakfast. So I think, and then church, we'd have Sunday school and then the main church service. How long was a church day for you? Oh, my gosh. So long because we went at night, too, dude.

We went at night on Sunday. It was your whole day. It was your whole day. Wow. So you went how early? Because you said you had to get up and have breakfast. Yeah. So how early was first church?

I mean, it doesn't. Second church, same as the first. A little bit louder and a little bit worse that's accurate we i mean the first um sunday school was at nine and it was in kit i'm from kitchener waterloo the twin cities but we lived in waterloo for most of my my childhood and the church was in Kitchener downtown Kitchener so that's about like a 10-15 minute drive we'd get up we the kids would like me and my brother just and getting your kids up on the weekend to change into fancy clothing was always a whole production so there's that and then we'd eat breakfast and then go for nine. And then that was Sunday school though.

Then the main church, the main church service was at 1045. Oh, I know. And then it would end around like 1230. So you're kind of in lunch mode by the time you get out. Yeah. What are your parents doing while you're in Sunday school?

They have their own Sunday school. That's for adults. What? Yeah. Oh, man, this is all news to me. More mature themes. More Old Testament shit. Old Testament, yeah, sure.

What denomination? Baptist. Baptist. Really intense. Northern Baptist. So then 1045 church is what, an hour? Yeah. Well, it said it went to 1230.

Well, yeah. So the first like 15, yeah yeah so it's probably a little bit longer than that it depended on the preacher they'd have a rotating cast of preachers and some would go along and you always knew you always knew which ones would go along because you got used to them and you knew their speaking style what was the music situation like or was it organ or is there a band organs um now my parents Now, my parents still go and my mom plays electric guitar in the cool band. Do they have a name? Is there a name for this band?

No, no. That would be vain to have a name for yourself. You're not supposed to act like it's a performance. You're just all worshiping God together. But some of you have stage and spotlight. What is the kind of electric guitar you're gonna play you got a you got a strat i have no idea i have no idea i don't know anything about pedal he's got a flying v you're talking guitars with someone who doesn't have fingies you know i mean it's okay and i'm and i don't know anything and

i've got the $20 here and I'm sorry let's give her a guitar I would love to if I would love to collect it watches and guitars seem like cool collector's items just to even have

but I don't know what she plays but growing up it was organs the big pipes and that was it and it was really old timey and about 15 minutes was dedicated to to music the first 15 minutes was worship time music and then they get into the um the sermon and were they uh because i remember from my my youth uh not knowing any of the songs that they were singing. Just trying to follow the lead of the organist.

Well, they gave you a book. I know, but I can't read. I can't read notes and stuff. Well, yeah, but you can see them going up and down. Yeah, we had the hymn books. And a hymn. I could always tell it was a hymn. the hymn books and a hymn you guy i could always tell it was a hymn because the first line the title of the song was always the first line of the song as well yes oh yeah works with a lot of

christmas songs too and lots of yeah exactly lots of these and thines and thou's you know yeah these eyes and those these eyes and those Graham, did you go to church? Yeah. How often? Every week? We'd go every week. I think there was, it kind of fell off after a while, but yeah, we'd go every week, and it was just like, it was at 10, and then you went down to Sunday school, and then it was

all done by 11. Yeah. Same with us. People would have coffee. What type of church? It was Protestant. Moravian was the denomination don't even i'm shocked that i don't even know what that is i don't either never looked it up moravian moravia i'm just going to moravia.com that's mostly fragrance reviews um i was the uh

reviews um i was the uh united church of canada and it was the same the same way it was uh you know you're you get you sit amongst the grown-ups you sing a couple songs the you go sit on the carpet at the very front with the other kids and you're like hmm i had to dress up fancy why does he get to wear jeans and then they they send you off to Sunday school. I like United. They're way more liberal in their. Oh, yeah. And their doctrine and their ideologies. You guys had like gay ministers and stuff.

We would never. We would never. We didn't even let women talk. We had gay women. We had gays, women and gay women. The Holy Trinity. Everybody at the church was allowed to play a guitar. They were allowed to play one even if they didn't know how to play.

There was, like, Sunday school was mostly just, like, frisbee golf. You know, Jesus is a lot like a frisbee. Come with me, boys. Boys only. Okay, but how is he like a frisbee well okay i'm glad you asked uh all right fly through the air he's sort of the ultimate dude dave did you have post church food we had the coffee hour but then did you go somewhere for foods no i mean occasionally we'd go to bino's what's bino's bino's was like denny's oh okay yeah okay bino's nice and i liked going i loved it i loved because we my family we got saturday newspaper we got

so we got saturday comics the comics in the saturday was the newspaper were the color comics yeah yes dave that's a lot of i know i know i know i didn't want to do it either but uh uh and then the sunday we didn't get the sunday newspaper because it was the tabloid but they would always have it at bano's and I'd get to read whole new comics. Nice. Nice. They had Garfield. Yeah, what was the, there was Garfield.

There was a lot of trash in the color comics. I feel like that's a bygone era. Like that's a line that makes you have a certain time that you're like, I read the Sunday newspaper comics. It sounds like we grew up in the war and we did but it was the first gulf war did they ever and boy let me tell you dunesbury had something to say about it did they ever have um because growing up i was a huge uh loved archie comics love the book the

getting the the like the double digest at the grocery checkout but did they ever have archie comics did that start in the newspaper i don't know did it like was it a newspaper comic like a three panel archie yeah i think okay i think that was where they I think all of them were that's where they kind of were born any kind of like Garfield or uh what other ones are there is Garfield Archie really took off though he got its own like comic book series you're saying that like Garfield didn't take off it's but you couldn't get garfield's at the checkout counter no yeah garfield wasn't a whole book right was it no well no you you could get garfield books yeah you could we had garfield at large and he was on the cover saying i resent that they they were shaped there wasn't any other

like it was like a rectangle and so if you put it on a bookshelf it always stuck out more than other graham doesn't think books are usually rectangles graham reads a lot of rhombus books i like a round book graham has to read round books because he hurts himself on the corners it's sad i had a die a paper diary that was heart-shaped and i loved that thing and it was scented it was scented maybe this was the birthplace of my fragrance um but it was scented and heart heart-shaped paper did you uh strawberry scented i'm just imagining no it was very sophisticated perfume it was like a perfume that i would not wear, but would feel like it belongs to like an older woman.

Like very, yeah, an older rich woman perfume. Now we're talking. Yeah. Like a Cruella de Vil or something. Yeah, sure. Yeah. A Cruella de Vil fragrance for sure. You start saying older rich woman, Graham starts thinking about a honey trap he can set up.

Start showing a little more beard. And the things that I would write in this diary, because my mom sends me pictures. She read my diary, but it was like, this was the only one she read. I was so young and i was just writing absolute nonsense and it was what i was writing in this heart-shaped scented diary with by the way the front cover was like a picture of this mysterious woman in a in a hat um she kind of looked like princess diana it was one of those like british you know like um i don't know what kind of hat

it is but a rich lady hat that she would wear to church. Yeah. Like a fascinator or something like that. A crown. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

And that was the type of diary that should contain like very salacious secrets and confessions. Yeah. And I would write shit like, I had another bad day. One was like, I have a picture. I was like, I had another bad day. One was like, I have a picture. I was like, I had another bad day.

Day 485. I had this. The one that I have a picture of because my mom died laughing. So when I was like seven or eight, I had, remember Koosh balls? Koosh balls? Oh, yeah. I had a necklace that was made of Koosh balls. And it yeah. I had a necklace that was made of Koosh balls. And it was my most prized possession.

I loved this Koosh ball necklace. And I guess I wrote in this very, you know, seductive looking diary that contains secrets. I wrote, I was like, another Koosh ball fell off my necklace. Today sucks. And I don't know if tomorrow will be any better. And it's, like, written in crayon. And, like, that diary was definitely not made for nonsense like that. Oh, that's great. I felt elegant complaining about my woes, my koosh ball woes.

Yeah. Man, oh, man. Did you guys ever write journals or diaries ever when you were kids? I tried. I was told that this was a good thing to do and that I'd write three entries and that I'd be like... What I was afraid of is that somebody would find it and read it. So I was like, better keep those thoughts to myself.

Especially if you have a very salacious looking one that smells like an old lady, an old rich bitch. Yeah. I had one that smells like an old lady, an old rich bitch. Yeah. I had one that had David Duchovny on the cover. Yeah. I was afraid of somebody finding it and then reading. Yeah. That's fair.

Yeah. Just, that's why I keep all my thoughts inside. Yeah. And my feelings and feelings. Yep. I know I had to get the kush ball rage out and it couldn't contain it i needed to work that work that through did you continue being a a journalist

or a or i have tons of i have tons of uh diaries and journals and my mom has not to my knowledge read those she uh i have but she said that she didn't know um i don't know if she found that one and she didn't know that it was a diary she thought it was just like a notebook and then but i i loved journaling and and diaries i have ones with locks on them ones without locks on them i had like, yeah, I loved, I was very angsty as a teenager. So I needed to like listen to Dashboard Confessional and write about my crush, not returning my feelings. And yeah, I need to get it out. What that crush, man. Their loss, you know?

That's what I say. Where are they now? Thank you. Yeah. you know that's what i said where are they now thank you yeah they're yeah they're stinky cashiers at whatever store yeah it was bad nails i don't want to say the name of the store because people will be like yeah i know that guy he stinks we tried with him we won't leave yeah the problems are are very they run deep with that guy we try to get him over by the misters as much as possible but but then the lettuce starts to stick

it doesn't work the other way just like a cartoon like it recoils and turns brown um dave what's going on with you my friend okay big week so um you know how much i love well we talked about eggs benedict already yeah you love it i love i love poached eggs so go for the listeners and for myself what is a poached egg a poached egg is an egg that you crack and you cook it in water okay in boiling water probably not just still temperature water sparkling yes sparkling and there are they're very tricky to cook like i love getting them at restaurants you can like complain if they're overdone demand to see the manager uh but they're they're very hard to cook

because they you you um you think you you just you know crack an egg into water yeah it'll cook but no the water gets all cloudy it doesn't stick together right um uh do you do you two like eggs yes i love poached eggs i love poached eggs that's my favorite style yeah do you so dave do you um do you cook your do you poach them yourself i try so i've been trying for years i've been i've i but i give up for long stretches because they're so hard and they're okay so there's like little tricks i've i've looked I watched videos of how to do it. And like, you know, you do it in a frying pan and just have a lower, like have a wider pan, but more shallow water. That's one way of doing it. Add a little vinegar, apparently.

Vinegar, yeah. A vinegar stops the cloudiness from happening. You know, you create a little vortex in the water and you put the egg in the vortex. Or you like dip, crack the egg into a cup dip the cup in to the water and sort of partially cook the egg in the cup none of it works all these sounds like witches spells yeah the recipe is very like something metaphysical should be happening silicone like they looked like boobs yeah like these little thin silicone cups that you put in the water and then i watched this one video last week and i it has changed my life i've made poached eggs

every day since okay tell it Tell me all about it. You crack the egg. Uh-huh. You put it in a mesh strainer. And the thinner bit of the egg white drips through. Okay. And then what is left is no problem to poach. You end up with just like a compact little egg egg bite nice okay that's there is a way yeah that that's i think that's the only way that i haven't tried and now i should because i gave up

too i was doing the vinegar i was doing the water vortex the vinegar was the closest i don't know if you had any success it was like the closest i could get for to keep it intact because i do love a fluffy poached egg with like the cloud is still on the egg but it still didn't taste like sometimes you go to restaurants and you're like this is a work of art the way you yeah this egg i will say that this is not fluffy that is your there's i'm not i i i've sacrificed some fluffiness okay i watched one like i literally googled how to restaurant make poached eggs and the first video was like a guy was like well we cook them for four hours in the shell at a very low temperature and then we crack them oh that's interesting i'm not doing that a lot of work so i didn't forget it. That's what I do. Yeah. With everything. I just put whatever on the stove and then I walk away. Walk away and see what happens.

Yeah. But you find that the mesh strainer that you, you're happy with the eggs. I'm happy with that. I think I've been straining them too much. I'm going to just like put them in the strainer for like two seconds. And then like, I'm trying to like get as much of the white out as possible but no i think i need to just like whatever sticks to the strainer is just keep that away okay yeah so that's this is it's i watched i the it was the second video i found it was a guy on martha stewart.com i uh speaking of

martha stewart i tried very unsuccessfully numerous times to try and fold a fitted sheet. And that was, uh, don't even, she doesn't know how to do it. Like she, she, even she doesn't know.

Yeah. She like had an expert come on and even the expert, I was like, I don't know. I don't know if this is true, but I've tried. That's comforting to know. Yeah.

Like it's roll it in a ball or just, yeah it in the closet and walk away yeah anytime i i mean i end up doing it but it's never without a struggle without many struggles and it always feels like luck always every time but you're able to do it i'm able to do it but just barely like there's it's it's it's really hard you're able to fold a footage sheet that is so inspiring here have 20 dollars 20 dollars come my way i would never i would be so embarrassed to give any kind of tutorial on it because every time would be me like would be me just being like oh oh, it worked again. Like, I'd be surprised. I'm surprised every time. And it's just a lot of huffing and puffing.

And I actually have to, because my bedroom is very small, and my bed takes up like 80% of the room. So I have to move my bed around to get one corner. It's a whole thing. But knowing that Marthaart herself is not even yeah you know doesn't have hot tips that's good to know yeah it made me feel better about uh giving up and uh that's all i look for in the tutorial is them being like look we can do this because we're we're fully you know we've got all sorts of resources at our disposal but you will not be able to do it.

But she's made her name. She's made her fortune. I mean, through some insider trading, but mostly through like home lifestyle stuff. And some of it, like she seems to enjoy it on the shows. Like she likes baking and whatever. But like she hasn't folded her own sheets in 30 years you but i would think she would be very finicky about the way that her sheets were folded so maybe she has like a regular person that like the same person that folds it all the time or you know what i mean

like it seems like she would be like princess and the pea if it wasn't folded right she'd be up all yeah there's always one corner. It never feels like all four corners are equal. Have enough fabric on all four corners. There's always one that's like, if I shift the wrong way, the whole thing's going to unravel. Yeah. I'm that way even when it's on my bed. I find

that when I make my bed, the corner that I sleep on, the sheet always comes up. Yeah, no matter what i put it on the wrong i put the two sides that are supposed to be together on one end yeah but you have you do now it's like books you can't you're you don't have a rectangular bed because of your yeah that's right they're too sharp yeah i sleep in a round bed that turns around. I've got mirrors on the roof. Is that a thing? What?

A round bed? Yeah, I mean, it was in Austin Powers. I'm sure there is. Yeah, or like a heart-shaped. Is that like a... That sounds like a bad idea. Like you'd have to sleep with your feet touching? Or your head's touching.

And you can't get a sheet for it. No, exactly. You need to fit the sheet with vinegar and a water vortex my cousins had water beds growing up and i used to when i was a kid i thought that was the coolest thing ever and now i can't think of a bigger nightmare than a water bed i would not i'm i need like firm uh mattresses i can't i would i don't want to be floating around like that. But it seemed fun. It would be fun for a kid because kids can jump on a trampoline and not break their hip and that kind of stuff.

When was the last waterbed made, do you think? Oh, I think they probably still make them. I bet you can still get them on some warehouse site especially in America. I imagine they still sell them yeah i mean they were at their height in the 80s you know 70s and 80s yeah so so when i was searching can you still buy the first thing that came up was waterbeds okay and you still buy incandescent

light bulbs can you still buy tupperware can Can you still buy iPods? Nope. But yeah, maybe you can. Waterbeds you'll love in 2023. No way. They seem so bad for your back. Yeah. Who's buying them? You know, secret beluga whales.

Yeah, James Cameron. James Cameron loves it. whales and yeah james cameron james cameron loves it he can't go to sleep unless he has like an underwater camera filming him while he's in a water yeah um anyway hashtag egg win massive egg win this week well yeah congratulations yes honestly and you know what you know what the best part of it is like when you fry an egg the house smells but when you poach an egg smells like water it's my favorite kind of bed oh can you imagine a water bed full of eggs oh yes it's like like a water bed full of eggs like if you were gonna sleep on a water bed full of eggs. Like if you were going to sleep on a water bed full of eggs,

hard-boiled, right? No, no, no. I'm talking you crack like 20,000 eggs into a mattress. Then Cool Hand Luke eats them all. Is it a... No, no. Is it a water bed with eggs? Or is it a...

You crack... Is it a yolk bed? Is it just a yoke? It's a yoke and white. Both of them. But I would like them to stay intact. I don't want them being scrambled. I want to be able to feel the of a yoke.

As long as you don't have any kind of sex on it, it's not going to scramble them. Don't worry about it. I mean, actually, just try to stop me. Women will be lined up to do it on my egg bed. To do it on my egg bed. You'd be the most talked about guy on Tinder. I'd be the most balked about guy.

Chickens, right? Have you guys met the guy with the egg bed? You gotta try it. You gotta try it it's so gross you can smell it from a mile away the first week it was okay but now it smells like that cashier maybe that's why he smells he's got the egg bed i can't afford a new mattress maybe it's not bo maybe it's eo egg odor egg odor um what's going on with you graham um uh this past week um jfl vancouver has been going on here in vanc And I was asked if I would do,

if I would be a moderator for an interview with somebody that was coming through town, a guy named Phil Rosenthal, which I don't know, have either of you ever heard of Phil Rosenthal? Yes. Where do you know him from, Dave? I know him from his work on Everybody Loves Raymond.

Everybody Loves Raymond, yeah. And selling Everybody Loves Raymond to Russia. Yes. from dave i know him from his work on everybody loves raymond everybody loves raymond yeah and selling everybody loves raymond to russia and that his food show somebody feed phil yes you gotta feed phil these are the big three uh you know uh pillars of phil rosenthal is yeah why was he here because he's doing a book tour for a cookbook based on uh somebody who does he have a chapter on an egg yeah he says how to make an entire bed out of egg whites it's the healthier way to do it he's the guy to do it he's very rich but yeah he he created uh everybody's raymond with ray romano and then he it would be cool if he did it in secret without Ray Romano. And for Ray Romano's

birthday, he's like, I made this for you. And he... So I watched a lot of interviews and read a bunch of interviews with him. And he, in his capacity of being the producer of Everybody Loves Raymond, they were like, okay, well, your pilot's great. We'll hire a showrunner he's like i'm gonna quit i'll quit if you hire a showrunner

so they let him be the showrunner and uh then they wanted to be in charge of casting and he's like i'll quit i'll quit if you're so he threatened to quit twice he got what he wanted i threatened to quit all the time if that was yeah you should have done it as the moderator if only you knew what you wanted you could quit your way out of things yeah exactly um so he uh he's a very nice man and i had never seen the show before so i watched a couple episodes and it's uh episodes. And it's very nice. It's a very nice show to watch. Very warm. What?

So, was this the two of you? Yes. Yeah. On stage for how long? We were on there for about an hour, I guess. Did you get a free book? I didn't get a free book, now that you mention it. Huh.

Hmm. Interesting. Hmm. Yeah. I didn't get a free book now that you mention it. Huh. Hmm. Interesting. Hmm. Yeah. I didn't even think about that. You wouldn't have even liked it anyway, unless it was round. That's true.

Yeah. It was square. And I was like, I don't know if I'm ready. And all the food inside has to be round too. This guy takes out an eye when he toasts bread. Um, but yeah,

like have I, neither of you have seen his, his traveling food show i saw i watched a few episodes when it first started yeah it's like it's a nice it's nice it's a nice show yeah and it's like if you like food travel shows then it's perfect it's nice he's friendly and um so then i was uh i didn't realize that it was six seasons long like it's been on netflix for a long time and he was i only watch prime yeah what kind of weird traveling cooking show do they have on prime we only go to the worst restaurants in america

they've got a green lighting and heavy metal i know that for sure it's on there um but yeah he he uh this is the thing about somebody like that is then you want to he, uh, this is the thing about somebody like that is then you want to give him a suggestion of where to go. Right. Uh, because you know,

you, you, he's in your town and you want to be the person who suggested the cool, perfect restaurant. Uh, but he had already eaten. So, uh,

that was off the table. Where did he eat? He said he ate Chinese food, which don't know from where, but, uh, well, he's a big phony.

He actually just, he, he doesn't like good food. Yeah. He actually does. He just does it for the show. But in real life, he's like,

he's like, where do, where'd you have dinner? I ate some gum. I found on the street. Um, so yeah, he, uh, so like the way that it worked was i came out on stage and kind of welcomed everybody and then they showed kind of a clip reel of the show and then he walked out and then

brought me back on stage and when he walked out it was like the loudest pop that i've ever heard for somebody like it was at the vogue theater and i've been to the vogue before and and like you know people get big reactions when they come out nothing like this this was insane this was like like beetle mania it was the biggest loudest craziest so right then i was like oh this is very popular this is a very popular thing i am involved with here and uh and the audience completely mixed i thought it'd be all like 50 60 years old but it was uh every age and lots of yeah lots of younger couples were there and uh yeah yeah so yeah um that is uh yeah it's amazing when you've discovered something's popular like so like when you're like like i remember just some other comedy festival

a few years ago being like oh we should get so and so on the show they'll probably just have like a quick show at the at like a comedy club and then you send them a message and they're like actually i have three sold out shows at the vogue theater and i won't have time yeah it's yeah there's a lot there i mean there were a lot of comedians that i hadn't heard of before and then went on uh you know online and they have like 11 million instagram followers and you're like oh okay so i'm the only one that doesn't know that this guy's popular um what an interesting thing to realize in the moment like just from the sound of their hype and their applause then you're like oh this is big well yeah when they first asked me to moderate or to interview a guy about a book, I thought it was going to be in a bookstore.

I thought it was going to be like at a, you know, like 30, 40 people there kind of thing. I didn't realize until they sent the contract over that it was at the Vogue. And I was like, aye, aye, aye. We're still paying you bookstore prices. Yes. And we won't be giving you a book.

If you want to buy a book, he'll sign it for you. I really didn't even think about that until right now that I didn't buy a book he'll sign it for you um i really didn't even think about that until right now that i didn't get a book now you're gonna be thinking about it non-stop oh my god like oh like lunch is coming up you're like i don't know what to make dave was talking about some sort of egg thing i'll get some vinegar and uh I'll get some vinegar and a soup strainer. Basically. But yeah, it was, and it went well.

And like, they did like audience Q&A. It was weird because we were pointing out like, okay, you ask a question. And we always pointed at the person that was being the most kind of emphatic, like jumping up and down kind of i was like why aren't they all doing that don't they notice that that's getting the best result every single time well because it's embarrassing yeah that's true it's embarrassing were the questions um uh very important questions or were they uh i would like to say something in front of you yeah there. There was a couple of those and he, he was very funny. Like he is very quick. And so somebody just made a long rambling thing and he's like, and there's a question in there somewhere.

So there were, there were some people who just wanted to show that they'd seen the show and that they knew a thing. And then, you know, the type of questions you'd imagine, what's your signature dish. You know,

I think I've watched his food show i think i watched three or four episodes of it i don't think i've seen a full episode of everybody loves raymond really yeah wow interesting came out around the same time as scream so this is a time when i wasn't watching media and a lot of people don't know that Scream 1 ends with Ray Romano. He's the guy. Oh, no. Did the guy, did Phil have, was there like a book signing or a meet and greet after the show?

Yeah, the book signing, if you had your copy of the book. If you had a book. Yeah, he would sign it. They're not giving those things away. They're not giving those things away. Yeah, this is hardcover. this is one of those cookbooks that's made to have splashes all over it you know what I mean

do you have cookbooks that you cook out of either of you I do not I don't cook I don't think I've ever cooked out of a cookbook I've looked up recipes online if I don't know what the hell I'm doing which is often but no I don't know what the hell I'm doing, which is often.

But no, I don't. You have cookbooks? Yeah. And there's like, we do, the one, the two pages I use the most, actually I haven't used one of them the most, but there's, in the joy of cooking, there's a pie crust page and a chocolate sauce, ice cream and chocolate sauce page. And those are like the pages that you can tell the book just opens to those pages when you got your grubby fingerprints

all over it yeah my disgusting cashier fingerprint that's nice though i i don't have cookbooks but i i remember my mom had lots like she would always go to a recipe in the cookbook. And they were as popular as magazines in my household. Cookbooks everywhere. Oh, yeah? What did your mom make that was like the perfect? Oh, her go-to was this casserole. The 90s loved a casserole. Boy, did it ever.

It was this chicken, broccoli, and cheese casserole i did it ever um it was this chicken chicken broccoli and cheese casserole and like the secret ingredient was um mushroom soup with you add like some mustard and mayo and other stuff and then uh chicken and cheese and broccoli and you layer it with um uh oh and there's rice in there and you layer it with cheese and it was really good that's a real soft a few times yeah yeah yeah yes yes i think for most of my like early adulthood adulthood cooking like i made something with cream of mushroom soup once a week yeah oh yeah like you know drown a chicken in it. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So flavorful.

You could just drown a chicken in mushroom soup and then you have yourself a recipe, basically. Now, my mom growing up, she had recipe cards. She had like a like. Oh. Kind of like a roll of that. Yeah. Index cards that were in like a like a specially made recipe card box. So there was always new things being added,

but not using a whole cookbook. I think my mom had those too. It sounds like my mom had a problem. She just collected cookbooks and index cards. She couldn't get enough recipes in different formats. Yeah. Mom's cook. Yeah.

It's an epidemic. But then my dad though, my dad would cook a lot too my mom and dad would cook kind of like equal equally and but my dad would oh i don't remember him ever because he made a lot of curry he loved he's south african and i feel like he had a lot of like curry recipes just from memory okay and he would just like throw stuff together and it would be amazing really just yeah i think he just kind of like worked from memory he was he would just like throw stuff together and it would be amazing really just yeah i think he just kind of like worked from memory he was freestyling yeah he was freestyling it and they were always very spicy and so um once if if one thing went wrong you

could just cover it with spice i feel yes yeah that's it yeah or more rice just spice and rice that's all you need spice and rice it's all you need. Spice and rice, that's all you need. Cookbooks, and I don't know if this is a thing that people who buy cookbooks like, but there's always stories like a little essay. We love them. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the background. And the blog, so when a blog is a big

story before the recipe. Yeah, the family lineage and you get a little lesson on where it came from. Is that something recipe yeah it's the family lineage and you get a little little lesson yeah exactly and this is where it came from um is that something that people they read and then they uh bring it up at dinner i would be like so you know that gwyneth paltrow was in uh brazil interesting story yeah i think they should i think if someone is going to go to those lengths to share their personal story it should be a conversation piece at dinner.

Yeah. And you can talk about the other person's memory of that meal. Yeah. And you could like put like flyers at every seat and then be like, everybody refer to the flyer I made up the zine that I made up for tonight's meal. Really proselytizing with these recipes, making sure everyone knows the stories. Yeah. proselytizing with these recipes making sure everyone knows the stories um yeah so that's what's going on with me i met phil rosenthal nice guy uh you know fantastically popular uh showed what didn't know and uh now i know yeah yeah that's very cool i can't wait to find out what the next thing i have no idea what the hell it is that's like oh yeah what was the first one i remember you went open for bo burnham and you're like you you were shocked at how rabid his fans were yes yeah and that was like that was a largely like

teenage girl crowd that was who was kind of big fans of bo burnham so there's no reason i should have been the host for that show no I love that Graham I would love to just have a show similar to have you ever seen that Tig Notaro show she used to do where she interviews people celebrities that she's never heard of or

really seen and she has to guess who they are I want that for you but instead of interviewing you just are constantly shocked at how many followers and how much hype people are getting or like I get to talk to them and then that's the question at the end like how many followers does this person have

you have to figure it out like that's the question asked of you yes yeah is that I guess or what if you did what if you hosted like a live show where every time you go out you have you don't know who you're hosting for but you have to guess based on like an applause meeting like based on how rabid they are you guess based on how much they don't like your material

no no no but you're opening for like like a phil rosenthal and you're hosting that show and you have to guess who it is based on the fan response yes because you wouldn't have no you it sounds like you would never get it right i would never get it right absolutely you wouldn't just have assumed that he had that many like followers and people who were that uproarious about him yeah the one guy that's at the festival who i i hadn't heard of uh but i could tell was popular because he was very, very handsome. I can't remember his name, but he had like cheekbones like crazy.

And I was like, no matter if this guy is funny or not, he's going to be selling out every single show. And he did. He sold out so many shows. They had to add shows. This is a celebrity comic? This is not like a comic that's,

I don't know, but it's huge. Like huge and has millions of followers. Oh, I'm so curious now. Yeah, I'm dying to know. And he's really hot, you're saying? Yeah, and I think that maybe, you know, that's part of his kind of act. But let me see if I can find his. Is he like a TikTok guy?

I don't know. He was like was like oh his name's matt rife matt right oh i know matt rife yes not precisely oh yeah look at him yeah yeah lips on this guy he looks he does look like like a real deal kind of model like he looks like let me see if i can get ticket oh no they're sold let me see if he can get tickets. Oh, no, they're sold out. Let me see if he can give me a cookbook. Yeah, he's very conventionally handsome. Yes. He has a model face for sure. He's got the cheekbones with also the perfect mouth,

like the lips that are very full. Yeah. Okay, okay. He's up. The proportions. I just go on for 10 minutes about how hot this guy is beautiful eyes great muscles

great hair great head of hair on that guy but yeah I had never somebody was just telling me like oh he sold out a show and then they had to add shows because he's so popular so good for him good for him I'm glad to see good looking people catching a break.

Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah. Sure. If you have trouble falling asleep, try sleeping with celebrities. Tell me about your view of of succulents i'm not a i'm not a huge fan it's a different kind of sleep podcast there are some real benefits to parking illegally featuring remarkable guests and unremarkable topics there's two orlando airports from the creator of Depress Mode with John Moe,

it's Sleeping with Celebrities. Every week on Maximum Fun. Nighty night, sleepyheads. Hi, I'm Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun, and I have a special announcement. I'm no longer embarrassed by my brother, my brother, and me.

You know, for years, each new episode of this supposed advice show was a fresh insult, a depraved jumble of erection jokes, ghost humor, and frankly, this is for the best, very little actionable advice. But now, as they enter their twilight years, I'm as surprised as anyone to admit that it's gotten kind of good. Justin, Travis, and Griffin's witticisms are more refined, like a humor column in a fancy magazine, and they hardly ever say bazinga anymore. So, after you've completely finished listening to every single one of all of our other shows, why not join the McElroy Brothers every week

for My Brother, My Brother and Me. Overheard. Overheard is a segment where if you hear it out there, we want it here. If you want to send one to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And we always like to start with a guest. Courtney, do you have an overheard? Okay.

Okay, so listen. I'm listening. I've been stressed about this segment. Good. That's what we want people to be stressed out about. Because I unknowingly at the time, and I'm going to tell you this, the last time I was on this podcast, I unknowingly set the bar high for myself with overheards

because I had a really good one. And the fame and fortune that I got from that overheard went to my head. Like your listeners came to my Instagram to tell me that they liked that overheard. And I love that. But now it's like... Can you refresh our memory? It was the guy that had come over, right? To fix something?

It was a maintenance guy who had come over to my apartment. And he did this really cartoonish fall where he tripped over everything. And on his way down, he was like grabbing stuff. He tripped over my Roomba. And then he thought, and then, and then I was trying to help him and he thought the Roomba was Alexa. And he kept calling the Roomba Alexa and telling it to turn off.

And it was just chaos. It was so much chaos within the confines of like a 400 square foot apartment. It was too much. Great. And, um, now let's top it. So,

um, yeah, so, know. So, yeah. So, okay. So my overheard this time is kind of similar in the sense that it was something that was said sort of at me or in my direction, but I didn't. Okay. So here's my explanation. I love fluffy dogs. And Toronto loves fluffy dogs. Everyone here has like a Pomeranian or some I love fluffy dogs. And Toronto loves fluffy dogs. Everyone here has like a Pomeranian or some kind of fluffy dog.

And when I see one, I got to pet it. Got to pet a dog. And I was outside Comedy Bar recently. And I saw this really cute dog next to a guy. And I went up to the guy. And I was like oh my god your dog is so cute and the guy goes um oh it's actually not my dog I'm just watching it for a second and so and I was like oh my gosh it's so cute it's so cute and as I'm like bending down to pet the dog um I was sort of talking to the dog and I was like, you know, dog talk. You talk to a dog like a baby kind of.

He's like, you're so cute. And I'm like, what's your name? I'm talking to the dog. What's your name? The guy goes, the guy goes, Eric, Eric. And I'm like, and I go, Eric? Like the dog's name is Eric. And the guy, then the guy goes, huh, I don't know, just a guess.

And I thought that was so funny. I know that's not really an overheard. No, it is great. Yeah, it is great. I was talking to the dog. He was answering. And I already knew that maybe because the guy, I guess the owner went to the bathroom inside inside so i'm assuming this guy maybe doesn't even know the dog's name because he's just watching it but when i was so it was so amusing to me and just also though just the fact

that this that dog was not an eric like i i don't know if he was trying to be funny but like that was not eric vibes at all that dog i think it was like it was a mix between it was like some kind of shih tzu poo you know like a little it wasn't a pomeranian but a really cute little fluffy dog and i was just so tickled that he his first guess off the top of his head was that this dog's name was eric yeah it's usually an eric type name and at first i thought when you asked the dog what you when you're saying what's your name? And then he thought you were talking about him and he said he thought, oh, oh my God. Okay.

But then why would he say just a guess? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I think he was giving me, I didn't even consider it from that perspective, but I think he was guessing the dog's name. That's so funny. Just a guess. But he didn't seem like he was joking. He seemed like he was throwing out the real first name that's so funny just a guess but he didn't seem like he was joking he seemed like he was throwing out the real first name that he thought the dog might be first name

first name no like the first name off uh the top of his head that he could think of that would make sense for that dog but i was like um that's not i mean it's concerning to me that he would think a dog like that their name is eric because that if i if that was my dog i would and i like i wouldn't trust someone to watch my dog if if they thought his name was eric based on the vibe of the dog was so little and it was like not living up to an eric aesthetic in my opinion that dog is must be very confused because like they went for a walk for the dog to go pee outside then the guy goes inside to go pee he's like what are we i thought i knew you

yeah and he's like are you my new owner was this uh was this a trade-off now like i know and i didn't stick around to like for the owner to come back and for me to actually ask what the dog's name was but I it was one of those dogs that you have to imagine it's called something like cuter than that not like I know people name their dogs yeah and I just want to apologize to everyone out there named Eric I think your name is very cute and I don't think there are a lot of cuter names than Eric actually so I'm not dunking on Eric's. I'm just saying that if an Eric was a dog it couldn't have been this dog.

It was so not. That's what makes me think this guy can't judge a character. Yeah. What are some cuter names than Eric? Mitzi. Mitzi. Yeah, something with an E. Brewster maybe? Brewster. Chucky. Something, yeah, something with an E. Like Brewster, maybe?

Brewster. Brian. Brewster. Brian's a good one. Chucky. Chucky. Something like that. Derek.

Penelope. Kyle. Penelope. Kyle is a pretty cute name. Get over here, you little guy. I would love to name a pet. Because usually people for dogs, they go with an old school, like George or like Billy. Yeah.

You got to go for, you got to modernize it, I think. Yeah. Name your cat Amber. Brad. Name your dog Brad. Or Kylie, Brad. Yeah. But yeah, that's my overheard.

That's amazing. You did great. You lived up to hype. Thank you. Dave, do you have an overheard? Sure do. Mine's an overseen so i got a phone call the other day and i didn't recognize the phone number so i didn't answer it they didn't leave a message

but every time i get a phone call and i don't recognize the number i always google the phone number okay just to see like oh this was my dentist and they they're they're they've been taken hostage or it's like but normally it says like it's a scam call and it'll there's like a online registry of like did this phone number call you it's a scammer and people will write, they scammed me. Who's the guy trying to scam me? But I, so I've never seen anything like this before. It was a whole, I don't even know.

But I, so I'm going to bleep the names. Okay. Because I think I just need to read the whole thing. And the headline on this post was, so I Googled this phone number that called me the headline was

boy bitch bottom boys his younger stepbrother leave for four unwanted messages today yet only one shows on the call display and then so these boy bitch bottom

boys in the paragraph it says are scammers and chronic daily liars the 10 22 a.m call woke me up as i left my cell phone in my bedroom first of all it's 10 22 time to roll out of bed. Yeah, maybe. I've already been at church for an hour and a half. The morons claim to be sober. This is the bit that killed me. The morons claim to be sober. Okay. The morons claim to be sober

the morons claim to be sober and invite me to kill them where's the scam yeah i will be going to new west Westminster today for don't know how long. The protective custody twits are known to me to be fraudsters, petty thieves, moochers, chronic daily liars, racist to blacks, lazy, have never won a fight against anyone under 65, is a convicted sex offender. He ratted out his friends in Ottawa to avoid a 30-day assault beef. Their sisters have disowned them.

He blushes when slapped in public. Anyway, it goes on. Wow. That's amazing. That was who tried to call me and scam me at 10.22 in the morning. That's a lot. It's still early. This ungodly hour.

I love, for some reason, what stuck out to me out of all those pejoratives, they were named. Chronic is funny, but daily liar. Chronic daily liar. I think I'm probably a daily liar. Yeah, I think we all are. You got to get through, but daily liar. Yeah, daily liar. Chronic daily liar. I think I'm probably a daily liar. Yeah, I think we all are. You got to get through, right? Yeah. But I like that, like, the idea of, hey, it's both of us calling you.

Yeah, I know. And by the way, we're sober and we want you to come and kill us. The morons claim to be sober. I promise you we're sober. Why would we be drunk this early? If you don't kill us and you just assault us, you're going to have to rat on your friends. Yeah. If you slap me in public, I will blush.

That's incredible. Oh, man. You guys' overheards are so good. Mine sucks. Eric? Eric. eric eric mine is being at the uh um giant food conglomerate whole foods i was at whole foods and uh they're prime video of uh yeah exactly here's the celery you could buy all the free food sucks but they want you to pay to rent the food. But they're big on displays.

They like making a pyramid out of, you know, fancy boxes of bottles of water or something like that. So there's several pyramids of soaps. There's several pyramids of brightly colored soaps. And a mother with her daughter was walking by. And you could tell the mother was kind of at the end of her rope with this situation because there were so many pyramids of soaps. And she said, okay, put it down. We're leaving now.

And she said, I just want to smell one more. Aww. Yeah, it was very cute. Sounds like she will be up on Fragrantica. Oh, yeah. She's an open cover on Fragrantica yeah she's gonna win rookie of the year that's sweet

it is sweet it's sweet but it's no it's no Eric you know what I mean it's not now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map if you want to send one if you want to send one into us it, it's SPOI at MaximumFun.org. Did you say SPOI?

SPOI at MaximumClock.ca. This first one comes from Casey in Arkansas. My seven-year-old is taking a hip-hop dance class. Yesterday was the second class where they were learning how to do the running man move and also a move where you kick, shuffle, you kick one leg out while balancing and shuffling the other foot.

I don't know what that means, but the kids were all having issues with this, so the teacher was having them practice balancing kicking without shuffling and told them the move was like Taibo. Yeah, come on kids just like tie bow let me put this in terms you'll understand yeah oh you mean billy blanks yeah okay now it's

me now it's tracking oh i thought it was gonna be like a george foreman grill yeah billy blanks man oh man uh he he made a fortune right he oh the chokehold that taibo had on us oh my god whatever year that came out that was huge it was huge was it was it just a video or were there was there a video um i don't remember but i know that he like he was the face of taibo and he had video tutorials on how to do it and everyone was losing their minds do we think where do we think he is now i think he's just like he's you know he lives in um a nice tropical locale and is just uh probably still really fit probably still does uh you know some sort of um program i doubt he's retired but i think he's uh no he's in bad shape i googled it oh shit okay damn it no no of course he's in good shape there's no picture of

him on google images where he doesn't have his fist up i looked him up too. And his personal life section said that he relocated to Japan in 2009. And there's nothing after that. Home of Taibo. That's where he learned Taibo was in Japan. So he's brought it home. So he's there. This next one comes from. Oh, you know what?

He's a Nepo baby. Oh, shit. Yeah. His dad was Billy billy blanks senior who had a an automotive uh business but his dad was tim blanks who used to host fashion file on uh cbc news world uh this next one comes from tom from Vancouver. I was buying some groceries with my roommate and no frills. Woo! After parking, we got on the elevator to head down to the parking garage.

The guy who was behind us in line trotted over to join us before the doors closed. He was a slightly odd but friendly-looking middle-aged dude. He engaged us with some small talk before looking over the items in our shopping cart and saying, Huh. Nice. Bread. You know what you do. You get that home, pop it in a toaster. with some small talk before looking over the items in our shopping cart and saying, huh? Nice bread. You know what you do? You get that home, pop it, pop it in a toaster.

You got yourself a hot lunch. That's great. I never actually looked at a, like a bag of bread to see if there's a serving suggestion. Yeah. Like, uh, you know, toast them in the oven

and break them up and you've got some croutons. Sprinkle them over lettuce. Put more food on top and then put another bread on top. But just that this guy's definition of hot lunch is just toast. I'm toast. Toast. You got yourself a hot lunch. That's so funny.

Also, just trying to make conversation but yeah also like toast stays hot for how long after it's good out of the toaster lucky if you get enough time to butter it before it goes cold i wonder if he is aware like is that the peak for him is like hot toast like that's what you can do with bread to get like heat wise like the idea the concept of paninis might spin his head oh that's true is he doing anything else like grilling it he's just he's a toast he's a toast guy yeah i mean god if he has he seen texas toast and how gigantic and crazy texas toast can be he's not ready that's a that's a hot dinner to get some texas stuff yeah texas toast thick i mean sometimes you just feel obligated to say something and then you're like,

okay, well they got bread. What's bread. Bread is like, bread is like, boy, it's cold toast. Okay.

Let's go. Let's go in that direction. Hot lunch. Um, this last one comes from Chris from East van. I was unlocking my bike in front of the Value Village on Victoria Drive the other day and noticed a group of teens milling about off to the side. When their friend exited

the store, one of the groups said loudly, there's my white guy. And they were all white. That's good. Good for them. Yeah, they're having fun. As long as teens are just on the corner having fun, I love it. If they're, yeah, they're walking around menacingly.

I don't. So, well, either way, they're making memories and that's what it's all about. Yeah. Yeah. And they're the future, you know, teens. Yeah. You got to let them have their fun loving, their hijinks, their japes. Yeah, you got to let the teens have their japes. Japes and vapes yeah you gotta love their japes and vapes

yeah teens like japes vapes and capers yeah that's my cookbook name japes vapes capers it's very caper heavy do you ever eat a caper oh yeah no oh you're a fan you guys love capers they're all right he's not committing to loving them but he's you'll eat them you know i mix them in with you know i'm not like i don't eat them like uh uh you know m&ms we are not popping them like skittles yeah okay just a bowl of them yeah i by one. I feel like I eat olives like that. Oh, sure. Yeah, that's true.

You know, though, I tried recently. I didn't realize that capers were so versatile in their, like, I tried them crunchy. And I actually like that because you got salty flavor, but they were crunchy. The way I've always tended to have them is because I like smoked salmon. I like lox and bagel with lox and cream cheese. And those usually have capers on them and i don't i don't like that but but i had crunchy ones you know what you do is you get your capers put them in the oven warm them up get them nice and crunchy got yourself a hot

lunch that's a hot lunch in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham, Impossible Guest. This is John in Rochester, New York, calling in with an overheard from Ridgewood, Queens, which I think is kind of like the new neighborhood of Brooklyn, outside of Brooklyn.

Okay. I was at a sort of bookstore coffee shop place, and the barista kept using the phrase, I'm not fucking with you, how people would use the word literally, like, this coffee is I'm not fucking with you so hot. And so he was telling this story about catching his apron pocket on the counter. And he said, my pocket was I'm not fucking with you held comb saw.

Man, this guy's he's got his own whole thing. Yeah, he's got his own whole thing yeah he's got his own mythos i'm not fucking with you i like that better than literally i feel like people use literally wrong all the time yeah yeah and what they do mean is i'm not fucking with you yeah i'm not fucking with you it's true that uh that toast was so hot i'm not fucking with you it was uh melted that butter no problem yeah well that's that literally would work for that though but like like we're literally freezing our asses off that's right well yeah we're i'm not fucking freezing our asses off yeah yeah yeah yeah come saw i'm sorry here's your next one. Hello, Dave Graham and probable guest. I was just waiting to pick up my kids from elementary school and a group of fifth graders walked by and I heard one of them say very loudly,

Tuesday is not a day to take out a woman. Off I go. Tuesday is not a day to take out a woman? Sure. Wait until Wednesday. You know? Although Taco Tuesday is on Tuesday. Yeah, movie theaters are cheaper on Tuesday

wait can you repeat what she said what did the kids say Tuesday is not a good day Tuesday is not a night to take out a woman okay

yeah which you're a woman Courtney what are your feelings about being taken out on a Tuesday as a woman I gotta say

I mostly agree I think one of you just mentioned cheap nights on movie night. Yeah. Yeah. The only exception. I mean, yeah, I often like, when you do stand up, you go to where the venue is and the crowd

will just be full of men. Yeah, that's true. Because no one's taking women out on Tuesdays. Don't take women to a, don't take a woman. Don't take women out. Don't take women on Tuesday to an open take a woman. Don't take woman out on Tuesday to an open mic comedy show. Not on a Tuesday.

That would be probably the worst date ever. The worst. Don't take a woman on a date to a comedy show on a Tuesday. Yeah, we're going to go to an amateur open mic and then we're going to drink some giant tall cans by the dumpster. I'm going to propose.

And your final phone call. Hello, Dave and Graham and lovely guests. This is Eric calling from beautiful Portland, Oregon. I'm calling with an overheard. I was walking around the park and two sort of younger guys, or I guess they were a short comment.

I didn't think they were like friends or whatever. Anyway, so they come up, and immediately the one guy goes, sorry, dude, and the other guy's like, nah, don't worry about it at all, man. I have never once thought about you at all in any sort of positive way. I'm on my

way. Wow. Sort of an odd interaction. Yeah, yeah. I mean, why would you be with that person if you didn't? I know. Maybe they're the only people hanging around. Yeah, no one else liked us.

We're stuck. We're stuck with each other it's me and my brother my damn whatever 10 20 phone calling brother oh man well that means we've come to the end of this here podcast

Courtney thank you so much for being our guest thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you so much for having me. This was super fun. And you are Juno-nominated. The Junos are in March? That's right. They're in March.

They're in March. Yep. Best of luck to you. It's a very, very funny album. Thank you. And you can get it on all. You can get it on yourify's and your apple musics and all that kind of stuff amazon prime yeah if you have a good candidate for courtney for amazon

prime you know slide into her dms that's what she said those are yeah those are her exact words um well thank you thank you and thank, everybody out there for listening to the show. Don't. You know what? If you get a phone call, check it out. Might be a couple of scammers. So just take it easy and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture.

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