Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 781 - Stuart Wellington

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

Stuart Wellington from the Flop House joins us to talk Bar Rescue, mountains, and snowmen.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 781 of stop podcasting yourself my name is graham clark and with me as always is a man who's just boy he's full of beans today mr dave shumka yeah vanilla beans oh nice yeah i did a thing where i could see how many vanilla beans i could fit in my mouth how many two before he puked yeah too intense um what is the i've never actually i probably have seen a vanilla bean in real life oh yeah it's like a black it looks like a rotten banana yeah it looks like a little shriveled up thing but it's like like

the size of a green bean yeah and then you like open and you scrape that's what i just know from commercials you scrape it into yogurt or something straight into the yogurt but i've never put one in my mouth do you put the whole bean in your mouth or just did you scrape the whole insides in i've never been invited to have anybody's uh vanilla bean and i've never gone myself i i've never seen it at a bulk bin or anything like that so well this is something we should maybe uh look into investigate yeah okay all right investigate um our guest here today first time guest here to the podcast you can hear him on his own podcast the flop house please welcome stewart wellington everybody hey thanks so much for having me how are you so to answer your question it's uh when you eat a vanilla bean it's like an artichoke you like

put it in your mouth and you scrape off the good stuff with your teeth ah shit is that like a dessert dip it in like mayonnaise you dip it in mayonnaise and then yeah an aioli if you're fancy and then yeah it's a dessert or i don't know sometimes before dinner it depends on what region you're from the story you um wait wait let's get to know us get to know us okay story you're you're messing with us right you've not done this i've not done this now i'm messing with i thought okay uh do you guys not do bits on this podcast we do but like you we your cadence was very authoritative, and I was like, oh, I don't know. Maybe this guy's a bean guy.

Yeah. I mean, I am full of beans, but today's bean is coffee beans. Love it. I love it. Now, have either of you, like, what's the craziest dessert that you've ever had? Because I was thinking, like, scraping a vanilla bean seems like it would happen at, like, a gourmet fine dining restaurant. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like a gourmet fine dining restaurant oh yeah yeah like a the menu type restaurant yes yeah does do either of you have like a bizarro dessert that you yeah

like a like a large blizzard this is a large yeah you know what i just had a i had the uh uh oreo shamrock mcflurry a couple weeks ago and that was at what restaurant uh mcdonald's they've got those shamrock cornered so yeah yeah similar fine dining experience yeah um what about you stewart fancy crazy dessert you're in the biz i don't i'm i am in i am in the fancy eating of dessert uh i feel like every time i go out for fine dining uh the the dessert course is always like an afterthought so it's always like i don't know here's a little bit of like sorbets or something yeah i can't like i can't think of anything any like the the craziest was the time i thought

something was going to be like uh i thought it was going to be like a dessert or a sorbet or something and i'm like why are they serving this early on in the meal and it was foie gras and it was a ton of foie gras which i mean i know this is kind of a east coast elite thing to say but i think there's such thing as too much foie gras guys oh yes quite quite but you thought it was a dirt dessert because it was several lumps of it and a banana and a sparkler yeah yeah it was brought out by a clown and i'm like they bring clowns i had a dessert one year i went to like a roast of vancouver's mayor and all the desserts had gold on it they were supposed to eat like edible gold and i thought that was the most obscene use of money i'd ever heard like like gold like leaf or flake or something yeah like gold flakes on it which

yeah like somebody emptied out a bottle of gold schlagers into a strainer and took all the little gold flecks and they're like let's put this on dessert i mean yeah sure i don't even know what does goldschlager have actual gold in it or is that just a really yeah i mean or like glitter i don't know but there's something in it yeah i've drank enough of it at this point yeah are you guys talking about the bad guy from the third Austin Powers movie Goldschlager? Two little edible bottles. Well, the bottles aren't edible. Here on the Amazon.ca

edible gold leaf. Two bottles gold leaf flakes, foil cupcake toppers for cake, chocolates, food decoration. Look to be $12 okay the um looks like little things of sprinkles okay like that side little gold this was like gold shavings is it like yeah this is no no but the bottles are like the size of a little thing of sprinkles these are shavings these are shavings okay um stewart you know of gold schlager because you

um stewart you know of goldschlager because you own a bar which i own a couple of bars actually um oh yeah and i also i mean i mean i i was introduced to goldschlagers like most people in college uh yeah and uh yeah i mean it would you know after a night of drinking goldschlagers in somebody's uh kitchen i guess there'd just be like all the countertops, all the surfaces would be sticky and slightly shiny and I would feel terrible. Yeah. Well, is it cinnamon flavored? Yes.

Woof. So we would often like, we'd mix it like 50, 50 with a Jaeger Meister. So I think, I think we called those starry nights that's nice it's a nice name for something that definitely is doing some major damage to you yeah is that a drink you made like that was made up by that crew is there like uh is that a popular mix of

those two and are you mixing a shot yeah i mean we would mix them in uh in shot glasses because again this was in college and we didn't have like speed we wouldn't invest in speed pourers or anything like but it's not like a yeah you weren't sipping this i would like to see college kids with a free free amount uh shot glass one at a time is uh that's the pacing pacing is everything when it comes well and that's the thing about house parties is that like people get so drunk at house parties because everyone's like oh this seems this seems right healthy for this is this is an ounce and i'm like this is like five drinks you just put into this glass into this uh plastic cup how many bars do you uh currently own and operate um my wife and I own two bars.

We focus on operating one of them, and then we have partners who operate the other. Okay. But yeah, we love them both. Hinterlands and Minis, both in Brooklyn, New York. We love both our bars equally. Yeah. We couldn't pick a favorite. Would you or do you or have you ever watched uh bar rescue yeah all the time what do you think

about his tactics like i love him i think he's crazy but do any of his things that he recommend actually help in a real life bar situation or is he he's just nuts well i do love that he walks into every bar looking like uh the george gremlin from gremlins two and uh he always like he has the same thing that like he has that same like body position that like cops have when they come into a bar where they're like not moving their neck just like moving their shoulders like they're sam the eagle and like and like with their with his head back like he's clocking everything and uh i don't know uh i mean yeah like his his thoughts on you know not poisoning people is good and like yeah yeah staff not being totally wasted behind the bar although it's oh it's always so

weird he always transforms bars into looking like weird airport bars, and that sucks. Yeah. And always, like, obviously, every time my wife and I watch it, we get a good laugh, and then afterwards, she's immediately Googling if that bar still exists. Oh, yes, absolutely. That's part of the fun. They've almost always gone back to the old name, or it doesn't exist anymore. Our friend Jordan Morris was a plant on one of

those episodes uh in an episode in like an la bar and i asked him how it was and uh this isn't a good story because i don't remember his answer but he was he was very excited to tell me that he was a plant on that uh-huh and that like and that like john taffer's like and my good friend jordan here and i'm like whoa you're good friends with him i might have seen that actually i remember this is vaguely ringing a bell holy i wonder how it was i guess we'll never know um there was an episode i saw where uh the the bar was kind of like a rednecky kind of bar like just a standard issue redneck bar and caffra came in and like overdid it on the uh the southern kind of i do declare it's terrible in here it just made it so stereotypical and he changed the name of it to bottles and cans and the logo had like a boobs on it.

Whoa. Nice. So he classed it up. I love it. Well, there's, I feel like they hated it. They hated it so much. I feel like the, like the perfect episode was the one where there was like, I think it was in Maryland and there was a pirate themed bar where all the staff would dress up as pirates they'd talk like pirates it was the kind of place that you know i would not want to go

but they're like you know what this bar is right by a bunch of places that let out for happy hour by a lot of like you know office buildings so he changed it and called it corporate bar and he had them all dress up and like shirts and ties. It was the funniest fucking thing. Instead of talking like a pirate, they're having to talk about, you know, charts and graphs, stocks and bonds. We'll get them so drunk they won't realize they're

not at work and we can just keep them there all night. All the pirate staff look like at the end of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead when all the metalheads have to put on suits and ties and do the catering job. That's exactly what it was like. And they all quit, of course. They didn't want to do that shit.

They're pirates. They're in love with being a pirate. Doesn't fit the pirate code. Yeah, what am I going to tell the customers to walk the boardroom table? I don't know how to do that. Well, I mean, international talk like a pirate day comes faster and faster every year boy right sure is it international or is it just national

i think we it's uh i think it's a our country our country our country yes oh no well let's shut down the podcast now that's as good as it's gonna get yeah um so what uh are your bars themed or are they just like a cool like do they have any overarching theme or is it just uh is it like corporate just like any other they're uh they're both pirate themed yeah yeah i mean that's what all bars are yeah no i mean they're both like i don't know they're neighborhood bars uh they both have great wallpaper um we i don't know like design wise my wife wanted to make them to not look like just traditional like dark old man bars oh yeah uh wanted to be more welcoming to people uh and there's also they're also a little nerdy uh like my bathroom wallpaper is like like old maps or like old dnd pages i love this what would

john taffer say if he walked in uh he would probably say that there's uh that we man we don't have a turbo tap system we don't have a fancy pos system. We don't have a fancy POS system. We have no way of like, we don't have an easy inventory system. There's no science behind the way our chairs and tables are laid out. Man, I don't know. It feels like I could own a bar at this point. Yeah, at this point. Leah, you know enough. Your jeng is missing a few blocks.

I mean, our jeng's missing plenty of blocks. One of those blocks is now a French fry. This guy's a few blocks short of a Jenga. That's pretty good. Yeah, I think they'll all catch on. The neighborhood bar that I would go to all the time shut down literally overnight. It was open one day, and then it was closed all the stuff still in there it just looks like that day they just stormed out locked the door and it's still all

the stuff it's still the bar so shouldn't the city let me in there to run it for a couple nights yes i saw a guy walking by i i saw i know that bar i saw a guy walking past it and like he wanted to open a bar and i immediately i thought i do not want this guy to open up. Like he was wearing he was just like he was he had like he's a white guy with a ponytail. Okay. Got to be a ponytail. Yeah. But had like tiny little sunglasses maybe was wearing kind of like Stevie Van Zandt from the E Street Band,

like a scarf as a do-rag, but like hanging all the way down. And sweatpants. Why wouldn't you want that guy to run a bar? He'd run a fine bar. It would probably be. Little Stevens. Yeah. Yeah, he would call it Bottles and Cans.

Well, it's a pirate. It's a big tip pirate bar it's called parrots and cans that sounds great yeah it's not bad it's uh you know just because he's a ruffler on the edges john taffer is rough around the edges and look at how he's revolutionized the bar industry do you know the thing that he claims is the thing he invented about bars what's that is that for a dance club the whole around the dance floor is um you know kind of like has a little fence around it there's only two places that you can walk through to get to the dance floor so that encourages people like literally having to touch each other as they go through the through the little i invented that i invented human

contact yeah invented a kind of like a hockey rink right like to get out of the ice don't you have to go through like a time oh wow cool um you know what i invented when i i was in the restaurant game yeah what's that i invented uh your waitress saying how are the first few bites no that's good that's a good innovation. Oh, wow. Oh, man. So do you get what, a couple pennies every time a waitress says that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess is what we would say these days. Yeah, sure. Well, in my day, it was a waitress. It was a stewardess, actually.

Well, that's cool. That's cool. It's always a daydream of mine to own a bar. I think that's like a you're not alone oh yeah a lot of people do it's a it's it's i mean i feel like it's a common well it's a common like dream because it's a fun it seems like a fun place and a fun job and often and like popular media has has led people to believe that like when a lawyer is like oh i gotta give up being a lawyer i'll go just be a bartender or own a bar um but yeah i mean i also like i'm also the one who like when

the when somebody stuffs a glass in the toilet and tries to flush it i'm the one who gets to fix that uh yeah what were they hoping with that i don't know i mean there was like that's the thing is like when one thing goes wrong all of a sudden it'll like cascade so like we had a we had a toilet issue and then somebody uh we had to close our toilets for a few hours and then of course somebody called the health department so they showed up and gave us a big fine and did a big inspection and i'm like who's calling the health department on us? Cause they had to go across the street to take a shit. Like what's going on. If anything,

that's a privilege. That's a thing. The I'm sure the bathroom at the, at the carwash across street is much nicer than mine. That's covered in D and D pages. That's what you want to do when you open a bar or restaurant, make sure you're across the street or next door to a coffee shop or car wash and advertise that it's the,'s a whole experience immersive you get to know the

neighborhood it's what city planning is all about yeah uh what is your uh least favorite drink to make oh wow uh thank you man generally yeah generally like a long island iced tea because though it's fairly straightforward it generally means that I'm dealing with somebody who is most likely not going to tip me. And also like is probably going to come back and be like, hey, this doesn't taste strong enough. And I'm like, dog, there is so much booze in that. I've noticed that. You're the one who wanted Coke on top what is it it's like like six different shots in there yeah give me one second okay okay okay what do you think

centigram uh in a long island i see you know i'm picturing iced tea gotta have iced tea in there sorry about that uh yeah yeah so a uh a long island iced tea is like is half an ounce of i literally thought you were getting up to get like a bartender guide like yeah getting out my uh uh so it's half an ounce of it's vodka gin rum uh tequila and then coke and uh and sour mix oh shit how could that not taste strong enough that's uh well it's the coke and the sour mix. Holy shit. How could that not taste strong enough? That's a... Well, it's the Coke and the sour mix make people, you know, when you're tasting like sweet lemony stuff over the booze. Right.

They basically are getting the like, you're getting the swirl, basically. The, what is that? What's the swirl? Is that... Or like, what's that called? A hurricane? A suicide? A suicide.

Thank you. Yeah. swirl is that or like uh what's that called a hurricane a suicide a suicide thank you yeah suicide when you just do you run all the uh fountain sodas all into one cup delicious uh it's the only way i'll drink soda if there's no yeah i heard about these two girls who've ran a couple of things into one cup let me tell you guys you just heard about it though you didn't see it i didn't see it i didn't stick around for the end of that but cool um now stewart in addition to being a fantastic bartender oh wow growing growing your bars in brooklyn you are also a co-host of the flop house where you watch very bad movies and then you you have a chin wag about it on the podcast uh-huh yeah and i feel like i feel like we've been doing it about as long as you guys right yeah when did you when am hey yeah i think today's our 15th anniversary no way for real yeah yeah i think march 2nd 2008 oh oh wow

yeah 2008 happy anniversary buddy happy anniversary guys hey thanks to our fans who didn't bring it up 2008. Oh, wow. Yeah, 2008. Happy anniversary, buddy. Happy anniversary, guys. Hey, thanks to our fans who didn't bring it up. Yeah. When did you start, Stuart? August 2007. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. You were the OG.

Didn't mean to do that. Yeah, I didn't mean to pull this on you guys. No, this is a big flex. Just been in the game a long time, you know? So, yeah, we don't have 781 episodes, though. So, wow, I'm impressed. I feel like the first handful of years we just recorded whenever we felt like it. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Early podcasting. Yeah, so we watch a bad movie movie and then we end the show as us talking about it and we've been doing it a long time and uh we still do it for some reason uh yeah do you still like bad movies yeah i mean i feel like i don't know about you guys but there was a point where i feel like every podcaster who's been doing the show for a while goes through a phase where you're like you either hate your co-hosts or co-host or you hate the premise of the podcast that you cooked up and you wish

that it was better and I feel like what if you have no premise you have no premise and you like your co-host that's great yeah for I mean for us there is a point where I feel like for all of us we we're like we hate having to watch a movie and then have to like i don't know why we're spending

the few short hours we have on this earth watching you know i don't know uh some i can't even remember the movies i've watched now my brain's just like a swiss cheese but it would be funny if you went the other way and you're like yeah certainly we hate each other now and but we still we love the premise the um uh do you do sequels or only originals because i've got the best in my mind the best sequel to a bad movie no we do no i don't know i don't know what the rules are so the rule is that we watch a recently released uh critical or financial flop but we also don't actually pay that close attention to those rules if uh we don't feel like it anymore well if you i think i've talked about on the podcast before you've done the boy i know you've done the boy yeah yeah but yep

there's a sequel uh-huh and it is rams the boy too rams have you seen it i haven't seen an episode no i haven't oh no he can't do it it's a sequel yeah that's right i forgot no this is uh this is this is like one of those things where like when they made caddyshack 2 where it was like dan eckroyd replaced uh rodney danger, where it was like, Dan Aykroyd replaced Rodney Dangerfield. Yeah. It was like that. Was it Jackie? Jackie Mason.

Jackie Mason replaced Rodney Dangerfield, yeah. Yeah, and then Dan Aykroyd, I don't remember who he was in it, but Bill Murray wasn't in it. I think the groundhog got a lot of camera time. Oh, why is that is it because he was the breakout star um yeah anyways if you want to see a movie not stick to its premise whatsoever and just reintroducing a whole they shouldn't have even called the boy they should just call it brahms and then people wouldn't have to think like it's a completely separate thing it's like when they came out with Prometheus and everyone was like this isn't an alien movie and you're like well it kind of is what about that big guy and that other thing that

they like wrestle and then have sex I guess uh yeah what a great movie um what a movie yeah we should have you uh we should we'll have you on the show to talk Brahms the boy too sometime Graham anytime anytime it's it's uh it's i feel it a privilege to know about it and to be able to share um now you own a bar uh-huh feels like yeah but this is third one if i if your social media has any indication you lift bro you lift i do yeah yeah thank you uh i see that you've done your research thank you so much uh obviously you're alluding to

the fact that just yesterday i entered the 225 pound club okay that's where i can bench press 225 pounds uh yeah it's uh yeah i so right at the start of the pandemic uh i got covet immediately so the day the bar shut down march 16th 2020 my wife and i both got covet and then like after lying around for two weeks and that was like original raw dog covet there's like no vaccine i was like super fucked up and was like am i sick am i about to die do i need to go to the hospital uh i didn't die obviously um and uh but then my back went out from lying around and i'm like you know what i'm gonna i have no other distractions i'm gonna try and get in shape and fix my back and so i started doing core strengthening exercises and then eventually started going to the gym and, uh, it stuck.

Yeah. Holy shit. So you 225 pounds. Um, now as someone who, who's never bench pressed anything, how much can I bench press? Okay. Well, you gotta give me a big flex. Give me a big, uh, you know, wow. Look, I'm already sweating.

Yeah. I made him nervous. Uh, let's see. Uh, yeah, you could probably do uh i feel like uh yeah i feel like 235 oh really a little more shit uh but would i shit myself uh i mean if it depends on whether you consider that a feature or a bug yeah you definitely will shit yourself yeah we're all getting on in eight years guys shitting yourself having a having a healthy shit doesn't even matter

where it happens as long as it happens you know i mean if you're at the gym it's it's by definition a healthy one yeah yeah yeah and i don't think you should even get a gold medal in weightlifting if you haven't pooed on stage a little bit you know yeah they have they have a little guy come on stage and sniff your butt and make sure like no poo you don't you don't get your medal that's me a little guy not somebody bent over yeah it's it's a union thing they have this weird height requirement um as somebody who doesn't go to the gym what's the gym like uh it's weird so yeah i uh when i started going to the gym i i mean i've been a member at a gym for a long time but i mainly only just did like the treadmill so uh now you do the turd mill

that's what we call it i actually uh i i got i started seeing a trainer and uh to like mainly to just show me around the gym but uh we've uh you know we've now i've been seeing him for like a little over a year and it's a pretty important relationship in my life now uh and he's like he's 26 years old so he's just a little baby uh so i get to you know i get to stay in touch with the youth you know oh yeah what are the youth up to that's i also need to know that i don't know i'm terrified i uh i was actually lying i'm not i'm not that in touch with the youth does he let you know if you're cringe uh man the sad thing is i feel like i'm way more online than he is and uh so i'll like bring stuff up and he'll look at me like i'm a weird old guy trying to fit in yeah yeah what do

you think about kids that his age that have mullets do you find that a confusing turn of events because i do yeah i mean i was definitely asking about that because uh my hairstylist mainly does she's in williamsburg so she mainly does like uh like basically queer mullets that's her like that's her thing so i'm like i don't think i could i feel like that would be i don't think i could pull a mullet off or like a little mustache and a dangly cross earring i just don't think it could work but i'm glad that they're like it's back like there was a time when i was a kid that was like oh that's what the cool kids would have yeah i had one when i was a kid oh you had a dangly earring and a

mullet no not no i have i had a full-on mullet and uh not not even a teenager i was in straight up in canada in canada yeah we call it hockey hair up here but um yeah it was the it was the look like all the coolest kids at school had mullets and that was the the best uh time to have a mullet and i just surprised they ever came back around because it was it was a you know it's a pretty loaded hairdo was like length uh like a status symbol when it came to your mullet was it like did you ever get like braids in your mullet a rat tail oh yeah the rat tail dave knows this story i tell it often on the podcast uh i forget i forget this completely in calgary the local rollercade had a promotion that if you came in and had what was it called uh lloyd's rollercade okay um lloyd's rollercade if you went down there and had a rat tail you

could get a free coke show us your rat tail i'm just trying to understand the economics of this one because it's like is he trying to just get more rat tails or is it such a rat tail infused environment that he's like i mean if i gotta cater to this this impressive demo yeah it's like ladies night rat tails drink free because you know what they don't have to pay cover because uh they bring in so much other business also if they skate around the circle enough their their rat tails will become intertwined and they'll be like a rat king tail hey graham do you watch the last of us no i know it's a place in or it's filmed in calgary yeah and then the last episode the most recent episode was at a uh a mall called uh northland

mall northland mall yeah remember northland and they also were in a place called eau claire mall which is now closed um well northland malls closed yeah i think most of the south is still strong with uh with malls but i think the north maybe is i just thought you might have you know mall nostalgia yeah you guys have all stores you know there was a gang that i hung out with they were a bad group of kids i i knew it i i was having a conversation with myself like this is a bad crew don't fall in with these guys yeah but you know you see those red flags and you can't give up on it you know you're still yeah and there was a store in the mall called san francisco that sold do you remember san francisco no it just that's an awesome name it's an awesome name and it was like all novelty all kind of it

was all spencer gifts oh cool okay yeah yeah and then like horny t-shirts did spencer gifts had those and like greeting cards like the horniest greeting cards that's pretty which for me as a kid i'm like my options uh to get uh like a little boy boner are to go to spencer's gifts and look at the greeting cards or go to like the train train station or the the train tracks and find like hobo porn in the in the weeds in the weeds you know i just left in the weeds right yeah absolutely you couldn't like go like you couldn't go there with purpose of being like well i'll probably find some hobo ford while i'm down there i mean you'd think that but i feel like i don't know like you you can i mean uh luck would you

know you gotta cross your fingers yeah yeah i my My friend and I found a penthouse forum that had been thrown away in a bush. I've read all the stories here. No, that's not believable. I love the idea of like a 12-year-old being like, huh, okay, I guess that might happen. Yeah. He said it would never, he thought it never happened to him, but holy shit. Long-time reader first time writer the uh but like i i imagine the whole job

of being the person who worked at san francisco was just to keep the kids giggling down to a dull roar um well i buy my uh boss a some kind of horny golf card yeah or like one of those planters where you put a cactus in and it looks like the clown's dick or whatever do you know what i'm talking about yeah i feel like those were pretty popular yeah uh yeah i i went into a spencer's gifts not that long ago and it looked like like truck nuts hit that place hard like it was like they're like okay we just got to change over our inventory to almost exclusively truck nuts related content yeah you have to i mean i'm sure there were stores that just became fidget spinner stores for a time um but yeah i hung out with a bad crew there and they they were stealing uh lighters that

had naked ladies on them. And some that you had to oppress heat, and the clothes would disappear, and some that just had naked women on them. For the lazier ones. I want it right now. And then one of them showed me a thing that I had never seen before. It was naked lady. me a thing that i'd never seen before it was naked lady um it was uh like it was lighter if you took it was like a bick lighter if you took the metal part off the top you could dial up how much gas was coming out of the lighter and so you could make like a very short-lived uh blowtorch

kind of situation oh sure like it would be be so much and then it would be empty but did you ever do the trick of course you did you smoke cigarettes you did every lighter trick uh where you would um like just let the gas fill your hand yeah and then you'd light a handful of uh gas yeah and hopefully you don't splash some on your you know if there's a little liquid in there maybe they like to mix a bit of liquid and gas. Yeah, that's like an amateur magician move. It's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was the one thing in the mall. I would always eat in the food court. The big food court item was either a place called Colonel's, which just sold popcorn. And yeah, just differently flavored popcorn okay yeah and their whole thing this was this this is it still exists i think yeah yeah i've i've been by one not that long ago i'm assuming it's spelled colonels like corn and not colonel the military rank yeah it's spelled like

the corn but i think maybe their mascot is a colonel of the army who enjoys these or maybe a colonel corn dressed up like an army colonel yes yes i actually think we have that in our movie commercials yeah there's popcorn that are military popcorn yeah no thank you but like a big part of colonel's uh business was they would have little cups with free samples of all the different kind of popcorn. So you were just eating free popcorn every day after school. The kids that work behind the telly, they don't give a shit. So you're just taking cup after cup of free samples. Graham, you don't watch The Last of Us.

Have you watched that Tegan and Sarah TV show? No. Is that in Calgary as well? Yeah, that's like apparently a big 90s nostalgia calgary i uh thing i saw them perform when they were like uh like 16 or something at like a coffee coffee house in the 90s in calgary in calgary yeah yeah they were i can't remember what school they went to but we were the same age and I went and saw them at a show and they were so good you could just tell um so uh

like here's the thing about me sure yep one thing about you one thing about me I'm very scared of going to the gym because I feel like when I've been at the gym previously years and years ago I would make I would be staring at people and making judgments in my head. So I feel like that's what's going on if I'm at the gym.

Does that ring any bells? Other people are judging you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is that possible? Oh, yeah, definitely. You can't go, Graham. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that definitely you? You can't go, Graham. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, uh, at least for me, I, uh, I am so focused on my own bullshit, uh, and looking at myself in the mirror that I don't pay attention to other people. Uh, and so I don't know, like, I'm sure there's probably people who go and judge other people. Uh, that's right yeah that could

be you you could be that person um yeah i mean you just put on it put on your cutest outfit yeah maybe the leggings that uh isolate each of your butt cheeks oh that'd be nice get up get your tripod so you can take some videos of doing Romanian deadlifts or something. Yeah. Good mornings. Something that really highlights your glutes. Because I feel like that's your focus, right? That's your goal.

What are good mornings? Yeah, what's a good morning? A good morning is when you put a barbell on your shoulders like you're about to do a squat. But instead of doing a squat, you just kind of kick your butt back and lower your shoulders so you're uh and then you raise up so like all why do they call it that i don't know like maybe because you're like waking up but they fucking suck so uh yeah but i feel like graham we have to talk about your workout goals here so are you trying to you're trying to work on your cheeks right on your butt yeah i want to work on my on my glute and uh and my toot and uh my feet which is what i put in a boot and and your body which you put in a suit there you go thank you um yeah i uh i would be

there mostly i'm an ass man i want to look at behind me in a mirror and really like what i'm seeing yeah yeah you want to you want to be dragging a wagon i get it so yeah i mean it's all about you're all it's all about like leg presses squats hip thrusts also because hip thrusts are the machine where you're like you know your throat it looks like you're humping the air which is hilarious everybody thinks that's funny. But, wait, there's a machine that you do air humps with? I mean, it depends on the gym. My gym has an air hump machine.

It's called a flashlight. Yeah. I mean, it's a relatively simple machine. It involves suction. Would that be a funny thing to do at the gym is bring a big duffel bag and then put it down in a bunch of, uh, flashlights come rolling. Yeah.

Especially because you have a bunch of them. Like you're like, you gotta have the right tool for the job. It's this machine. It's got like a robot mouth. That makes all those weird. Put a coin in um the uh yeah there's a workout gym that i pass sometimes on the way to work that's uh it's called like orange theory yeah and it's like a i mean i don't know but the whole room is orange yeah it's not anymore

i was just thinking this because i drove by the other day and i was like didn't it used to be like the windows were all orange yeah and so like orange light was i mean i guess there was just like a film they put on it uh but yeah it's some kind of targeted like program that you do yeah seven minutes on this and seven minutes on this. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, I don't do that.

I do just normal old weightlifting. Uh, I do. My wife really likes having a class so she can have like, I don't know, something to distract her brain, but I just like to have like a little spreadsheet and I like to listen to my heavy metal music and I like to do my weightlifting. Who is your go-to or your heavy metal heroes i see iron maidens on your shirt yeah maiden and priest for the gods that we praise yeah of course uh yeah i don't know um i'm i'm a big like 90s death metal guy so bands like death uh sepulchra uh sepulchra they're a little more thrashy but yeah i like especially

like arise graham you idiot they're thrashy let's talk about uh very specific subgenres of heavy metal please um but like death or like bolt thrower that's some good weightlifting music bolt thrower sure now have you i know a guy who loves heavy metal he but he's the on like the most unheavy metal guy i've ever met very soft-spoken very kind of uh polite you know wears nice sweaters and such and he loves death metal huh is this kevin lee no kevin lee also does yeah he likes that nordic uh crazy like is that called black metal or death metal often black metal yeah the stuff where you're like let me check lyrical themes to make sure it's not like lyrical themes tolkien and you're like fuck this is racist uh no uh the let's see uh yeah i mean i feel like i feel like it's not uncommon for fans of like when i grew up the kids who were into heavy metal were like the kids you hung out at the mall with

they were the bad kids but i feel like a lot of like grown-ups who like heavy metal are like no you know i like to i like to wind down with a cardigan and like a nice hot cup of tea at the end of the night. Hmm. Yeah. I like, I like baths and skincare routines. You can do all, you can have it, you have the both ways.

Yeah. You can have it all. Soft soap, hard metal. There you go. I just came up with it. Wow. Yeah.

This is, this is your store at the mall. Um, yeah, there's a, uh, there's's a band there's like the lead singer is always in a different costume he's like has like a pope hat on it yeah ghost are they good they seem pretty cool they're okay they're a little uh they're a little gothier for me yeah graham they're gothy you fucking moron there's there's another band there's this australian band

where they all you know it's a similar thing where like all the band members uh are like draped in cloaks and crap and the uh the vocalist uh this this band's called portal but the uh the vocalist puts on like a crazy costume uh like i saw him in a little club and he was dressed up as like a weird like ghost bride but he also used to like show up with a cuckoo clock on his head this guy rolls and it was like uh i went to this club in uh in new york called saint vitus it's like it's like the the hip rock club in new york right now but it's still pretty small and it was this band was playing and they're from australia so like they don't come by

that often so it was totally packed with people and uh they had to have a security guy escort the vocalist out onto the stage and he had like part the crowd and it was like the closest i've ever seen like an extreme metal like celebrity sighting where everyone's like oh there there's the curator curator oh man yeah it's uh i was always uh afraid of slipknot and but then i realized they're all nerds they're lots of nerds i would argue most heavy metal dudes are nerds yeah like they're more scared of you than you are of them just remember that it's kind of like dudes with a lot of tattoos it's like armor like dudes have a ton of tattoos nine times out of ten that's just they're like they want to look tough yeah i mean now like if i see something with a lot of tattoos i'm like works in a kitchen works in a kitchen yeah you're like i'm gonna beat his ass

he shouldn't have cut me off in his truck yeah that only guy had it coming uh speaking of being pursued by a truck have you ever seen jeepers creepers yeah of course uh i try not to promote a lot because the dude who made it is like a huge creep right he's like oh shit what yeah he's the guy he's the guy who made powder he's like oh he's the guy who made powder oh my god he's got like got like child pornography charges. Yes, yes. Okay. I did not realize that was one and the same. It's okay. It's a bad movie.

It's a very bad film, but it would have been good grist for the old podcast if it wasn't for the Powder Connection, which I don't encourage people to watch that movie ever. I mean, the Powder Connection, they are probably the best metal band I've seen live there i feel like powder connection is like a fucking

synth wave band right there they'll come out with the like shorts made to look like clouds and they yeah obviously uh you know the first couple rows will get wet because it's uh you know it's a splash zone that's what they bought and they knew that when they bought their ticket uh have you ever been to guar concert i hear that's like the best thing on earth i actually have never been to see guar uh i think the i'll be like i feel ever since uh the main guy passed away a few years ago i was like okay, okay, I'm less likely to go. But yeah, it looks fun. I just, I don't know.

They haven't played in New York in a little while. I haven't had a chance. The most exciting show, I saw King Diamond right before the pandemic. That was awesome. What's their whole deal? King Diamond was in a band called Merciful Fate, and they did his solo thing. But in his solo albums, it was always like uh they're all like story albums so they're all like these like

crazy ghost stories uh or like something like a story about like a house haunted by demons and uh he like you know he wears the makeup and the stage show always had like the stage show's crazy as like dancers who portray some of the characters from the story it's awesome the um yeah i like a good story i like uh let's see tegan and sarah do that yeah exactly i like uh yeah what's a good story song that's sean mullins isn't that a good story song goodbye by sean mullins i feel like that's got a definite narrative through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's seen plenty of devils in this angel town. Honestly, if he came to town, was doing a show, I'd consider going.

I want to know what else is in Sean Mullins' catalog. Maybe he's not alive anymore. There's no way of knowing if he doesn't come to town. Grim's a real believer in the troubadour tradition yeah i likes my porn hobo ratified ratified this porn was ratified at the treaty of the hobos you gotta know it's good then yeah that comes with a seal on it when it's stuffed in the weeds oh this is homo porn quite a find i'm gonna leave this to my son

uh yeah i think when i was a kid i thought when i grow up i'll if any kid ever asked me to go buy porn for them i'll go buy porn wow if any kid writes to me i want to put out that energy what about booze have you ever bootlegged for a kid graham i'm not bootlegged for a stranger, but I bootlegged for my brother. But like if you drive by a liquor store and you see like some nervous teens hanging out out front, are you like, I got to pull in? Yeah. I got to pull in and maybe they'll ask me. I would always 100% of the time buy smokes for teens because I was trying to get it out in the neighborhood. Just trying to kill kids

just doing some community outreach Dave what's going on with you man oh well so okay you guys know Wordle yeah yeah the daily game of five letter words well there's

for months I've been doing Wordle and I've been doing, there's a handful of ones that I do. Late adopter. Well, okay, fine. Months? Years. For years I've been doing, I've been doing Wordle for decades. But there's one called Hurdle, which is like a name that tune thing. Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay. And I i'm gonna play today's because i got today's in one second so what how much of the song does it play just it plays one second and then if you can't get it it'll play the second second and then it goes on from there and uh let's i wonder if you can even hear it oh shit i do know what that is is it running with the devil nope it's a song that's dear and dear to my heart graham is graham gonna get it i don't think i'm gonna get it oh my god let me hear it again fuck i know exactly what it is my brain cannot access you know what can you tell me what let me hear it again fuck I know exactly what it is my brain cannot access it do you know what can you tell me what

genre it is I want to say it's pop yeah okay here's the second second oh we're almost there shit not bodies hit the floor I know you love that song it's not on blue blue dabu dabu dow it's probably closer to i'm blue dabu d about it now um it's uh

yeah because i know that next part oh shit i'm not gonna be able to get this oh shit i'm not gonna be able to get this it's mr saxo beat wow you and you yeah you uh you called that after one second i got it right away and i haven't like heard all the last few months has kind of fallen off for me. It's been too much, like not even obscure things, but just like very popular contemporary songs that I don't know. You're like Megan trainer next. Yeah. Dua Lipa.

I get it. The, uh, on NBC, I want to say, I think I've talked about it a week ago on the podcast, but that there's a name that to game show that like live game show that does it and it's hosted by the woman who played um jenna maroney i can't remember her real name jane krakowski yeah yeah yeah and then uh the guy

that's playing the tunes is uh randy is that his name from uh american idol or randy jackson andy jackson yeah and it's uh it's just like uh like you're both better than this this is this is not this is not good and what is he playing it on piano or is he playing it like pressing a button does he yeah he just hits his iPod. So it's basically, is it like a, like a, can you beat Shazam type thing? It's kind of basically, yeah, it's like that, except. Which was hosted by Jamie Foxx, right? And his daughter as the DJ. Yeah.

So that's, I mean, that's another example of somebody who's probably better than the show he's hosting. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. I feel like he won an oscar didn't he yeah i guess there's no the line between a game show host and an oscar-winning actor is this is finer than ever yeah that's true it's like for a couple years there felt like alec baldwin was hosting more than one game show that felt out of feel like that ship has sailed guys yeah no i think it's time why what's going on with him more than one game show. That felt out of... I feel like that ship has sailed, guys. Yeah. No, I think it's time.

Why? What's going on with him? Bring him back. Yeah, yeah. Let him host Double Dare. What was Double Dare? It was like kids had to go through kind of a jungle gym situation. Yeah.

It was like a... Yeah, a slimy obstacle course. Nice. Yeah, so, yeah, it would would start as i think there's some like uh there's some trivia or something and then there would be some like uh like challenges and then yeah there'd be an obstacle course at the end yeah it was like instead of answering a question you could either answer a question or do a physical challenge yeah yeah you could like try and find uh like a flag in a like a swimming pool full of corn or something.

Yeah. That should be rebooted. That's what we, that's what the country needs now more than ever is to have somebody root around in some saucers. They just can't, haven't been able to find a host. It was a real,

like it was a dream. Yeah. Like for kids to go on, it was like, you would watch it and be like, I want to do that. Like they should have probably made double dare, like in every mall, like for kids to go on it was like you would watch it and be like i want to do that like they should have probably made double dare like in every mall they should have just put like a

the way they have escape rooms now they should have just put a double dare like a store where you get to go do the stuff yeah like and it like preceded that like youtuber hype beast culture of like what kind of crazy ass stunts can i do like hey i'm i'm your joe average youtuber i just bought this house and filled it with packing peanuts and you're like how can you afford this just like oh yeah you're a millionaire i forgot i think the host of double dare was on the tonight show once yeah yeah have you ever seen this clip where he burt reynolds was giving him the gears uh yeah he that's really it's very much worth watching the clip uh at one point he throws water on him and then they have a pie fight and it goes from

zero to 60 really quick yeah and it's is it the jay leno or johnny carson jay leno and uh he's just sitting there he can't he's not contributing anything he's yeah just going selling doritos um the uh and nowadays you know burr reynolds would be hosting a game show that's true yeah yep they they let ghosts host now. They do now, yeah. And you're a ghost. Yeah, I like that. The ghost with the most. The other thing that's going on with me, not only did I win Hurdle in one second, but this past weekend,

I took a trip into the mountains. Ooh. To go back to Hurdle, have you been completely insufferable about it all day like have you been like texting everybody you know and you're like no well in fact my brother texted me and said do you play hurdle and i was like and he knows i know this song but no i haven't been you haven't been flexing it and like i mean sending it to ex-girlfriends like in your face in your face i i should probably re-watch the video because that alexandra stan who sings it oh wow yeah uh but uh no i did show it i made my wife try to guess it as well and she couldn't get it in one second no one can one person on this planet and if you

yeah you're the last star fighter of this hurdle yeah um so you're up you're in the mountains you're going to a haunted uh hotel not the haunted mountain no uh we took a trip this weekend to Whistler, British Columbia, home of the mountains. And it was like people go, it's a two hour drive, maybe 90 minute drive. But I always feel like it is a world away. I always feel like it's like, oh, I can't make that drive. Like it's, yeah, but people go up in the morning like i need two days worth of food to make this this trip well it was totally like that's exactly how i feel about any weekend trip where it's like where i worry all week about you know i'm gonna i'm gonna forget

my phone charger yeah what if i have to fjord the river or whatever it's ford the river not fjord the river either that or my phone charger uh and then i spend the whole time i'm there thinking like oh it's gonna snow what if i can't get back down yeah then you just work in an inn and hopefully those ghosts don't try and get you to drink again yeah fingers crossed well i hope i don't drive off the road and my biggest fan makes me uh the hobbles of me and makes me podcasting from my bed yeah i feel like after after podcasting for so long misery has taken on a completely new vibe for me yeah yeah that she would have done a podcast with him. So tell me how it felt when I broke your ankles.

I would have loved it if that was like, as is Kathy Bates and whatever. James Gunn. James Gunn, whatever their characters names are. And we're just, we're doing a recap series of Night Court. We're watching every night court holds up show holds up i bet i wonder there's a there's a reboot of yeah we've been watching it

and uh yeah it's okay i mean it like do do you like that kind of a sitcom like i mean i did when i was i like youth i loved night court i love i feel like i love wkp and cincinnati those i feel like it has i feel like it it's it is if you're nostalgic for night court you will enjoy at least some of uh some of the new night court especially because like john larroquette is fucking great yeah he's great it's i wouldn't be surprised if in his lifetime he gets an oscar i'm gonna lay it down now i'm gonna put in ten dollar bet to anybody who wants to bet me before he dies he'll get i'll take it yeah yeah you're no scope in this one yeah uh yeah tarantino's next movie is like time to bring lara kedd in yes see it only takes one uh is he the only original cast member in the new one yeah i mean most aren't

most aren't with us anymore dave uh but yeah the the biggest question which they still haven't answered is how uh at the end of the original series the bailiff bull gets uh he meets up with some little aliens and they take him away and they have not addressed that at all in this in the new series whoa what a finish yeah more you like to do that yeah like we just throw all the logic thrones where were the aliens break all of the laws that they've set up the whole series and just say you know now all of a sudden he's a barber now you're like what the hell yeah bob newhart wakes up oh that

was so good i do like a bad uh series finale yeah what's the worst one aside from the seinfeld one which was i think a pretty high probably the nightcore one. Ooh, wow. I was going to say sons of anarchy was, uh, I mean, it's a bad show, but the, it was like a perfect encapsulation of what makes the show bad. Like it has Katie Segal singing like a slow, slowed down,

sad version of some like nineties rock song. Uh, Michael Chiklis is driving a bread truck and then he runs over the main character. Uh, it's awesome. Uh, it's so stupid. The whole show is so stupid uh the uh the one guy who connected a bunch of shows together and created like a universe of them uh richard belzer just passed away but uh his yeah he i

don't know if everybody knows that that he connected the law and order universe and i mean he didn't detective munch that's true yeah but who's detective munch without richard bell so the way it was the wire yeah homicide law and order x files x files yeah all happened in the same universe which is awesome wow yeah um that universe is your television yeah technically i think all these shows are connected by me i'm the character who connects them all um what uh is what should we do for our series finale um uh i'm gonna wake up and uh i'm gonna be like it was all a dream and then i just wake up again and again and and it's Groundhog Day. And the last episode just keeps happening forever.

That's my idea. What about yours? Okay. Well, I feel like one of us should die. Yeah, that's a good idea. Definitely. Yeah. You should be holding the dying person's hand at their bedside.

That's nice. And then their last word is, psych, I'm alive. You should be holding the dying person's hand at their bedside. That's nice. And then their last word is, Psyche, I'm alive. Two more seasons. Yeah. Yeah. Leaning close for my last words. Ooh, ah.

So, Dave, you went to the mountains. Yeah. What was it? Did you stay in a chalet? Yeah. Were you skiing? So Dave you went to the mountains Yeah What was it When did you stay in a chalet Yeah were you skiing Were you hiking What's going on We stayed in a

A nice house Okay That was a friend of my dad's Okay Lent it to us And my sister And her husband And her kids came out for the weekend

And they ski We don't ski. So we just did, we went sledding. We drank hot chocolate. We did things that were cozy. Nice. Yeah, that sounds like a real cozy core weekend. Yeah, it was pretty, what the Scandinavians call, yeah.

Yeah. I wouldn't call it that yeah well i mean okay it's what the black metal artists call yeah uh yeah so there was a hot tub did you guys do you guys hot tub and drink hot chocolate yeah i went i went in topless okay nice great yeah um i always to make everybody close their eyes until i'm neck deep in the water i get everybody over your eyes oh yeah and then and when the hot tub's like really bubbly yeah you can't see it this hot tub got real bubbly i was like in there i was like what if i hold my hand a little bit below the bubbles i can't see it at all to you did you do the old fill up the

trunks with air routine it's hilarious always no i don't have trunks yeah i have um i think i don't have my uh swimsuit doesn't have i feel like you need like mine mine are too tight maybe oh are you like a speedo guy like me no no i'm not but you're the speedo guy stewart yeah absolutely hell yeah okay yeah because i'm i'm a grown man i don't wear shorts in the pool oh shit you're just taking me to taking you to the task yeah it's called the pool school i can't believe i got schooled at the pool school um yeah okay so wait dave you wear like like no they're like boards they're like board shorts but they don't have like a stretch to them like oh i see okay um yeah they're they're they're jean shorts they're

jeans yeah they're like they're corduroys yeah they're like yeah they're like john cena long long shorts yeah yeah you get in with your corduroys swimsuit and then all of a sudden the water level just goes down because you just suck it up um so cozy swimsuit and then all of a sudden the water level just goes down because it sucks it up um so cozy fun cozy and then the day we were leaving there was a storm coming and i was so worried i was like how does it work like do we get snowed in that'd be pretty fun and uh apparently there's like a thriving uh plowing industry in this town. Nice. Nice.

Did you get scared and drive super fast down the mountain and then, and like, I don't know, give your, like, have your ears pop or something? Yeah, that happened. It happened twice this trip. No, I drive super slow down the mountain and make everyone go around me yeah i was i was uh camping in yosemite once uh and we were gonna stay an extra night and there was this big storm coming in we're like fuck this so we packed up the car real quick and like drove down the mountain super fast but we drove down too fast and we both got kind of sick you know like the altitude poisoning thing or whatever when you got the bends yeah we got we got like a little mini the bends uh not the radio head album fuck that uh and we like

drove down the mountain super fast and stayed at a hotel uh but so that didn't happen to you is what you're saying it didn't this time no uh but uh it like, for all I worried, it was so much easier than I needed to worry. Like I was, I, I worried about, you know, things that did not happen and wouldn't happen at this very, uh, like civilized part of the world. Is that a common aspect of your life, Dave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, overthinking things and worrying about them and then not being able to enjoy them yeah that's sort of my bread and butter

yeah wasn't there a show reality show or maybe it was a scripted show that took place in Whistler yeah there was I think it was scripted scripted okay but it was like hard partying kind of it was like yeah the oc the oc what is that

uh i think it's a cop car outside oh yep okay i wonder when they decide to do that when they start doing the like yeah i think it's usually when they just want to drive through an intersection. They don't want to wait for a stoplight to change. Yeah. No, you're probably right. You probably got it. Do you ever get it? Have you ever had it done right to you? Well, like for me to get out of the way.

Yeah. Or just like as a pedestrian, like, hey, we'll pick you up later. I'm sure. I just, I can't remember. I'm sure. I just, I can't remember. I feel like,

I feel like I was walking down, uh, like a Brooklyn street years ago and I was drinking some kind of like, like artisanal seltzer or some shit. And, uh, it looked, I mean, it looked like a fucking liquor bottle.

Uh, I also had it in a brown paper bag and I think they, they whooped me. And, uh, then when they saw what it was they were visibly disappointed yeah yeah well we wasted it we're only allowed to have 10 a day and we wasted a whole one yeah that's the son of the police uh graham so i went away i had a fun little

weekend and uh what's going on with you oh also it also it snowed here. And then I went sledding again the next day when I came back. So I went to like sledding twice in three days. In two different locations. In two different locations. And which was better. Which was better. Vancouver was better. Okay.

Because the snow hadn't hit Whistler yet. So you're just like sledding down gravel? Well, it was snow, but it was a it was snow but it was a lot of ice oh god of ice yeah and uh the kids were wiping out and crying uh immediately yeah um so yeah the one like nice little wintry snow because we don't get snow days very often when we do that kind of snow sticks around maybe for a week well we yeah it used to stick around for a day and now we get like two or three weeks a year that are like a week of snow yeah and i i like it i like the little bit of snow i don't like that it's like

hazardous but i do i think it's pretty it's hazardous you like it you get like acid rain but snow no when snow collects on the ground and makes ice and makes it a hazard yeah yeah oh you're not talking about like laser snow yeah i'm just hoping to not offend any listeners who may have lost a loved one in a vancouver snowstorm yes exactly sure um the big one of 2013 uh anyways there's i was at a coffee shop and i there was a group of young kids and they were making a snowman which is i find in the coffee shop in the coffee shop they brought snow in from outside they were outside putting together a snowman nobody was supervising and telling them how to do it they all just it felt like they were running on instinct. And so they made the three stacks of balls ready to go.

And then... Largest one on the bottom. Yep. Largest, yeah. Largest, medium, small. So they're doing it right so far. And then one of them goes off into a bush, comes out with two branches. He's got hands now.

Now he's got hands. And then the real resourceful kid i think went to her mom and got a carrot stick so nose was covered and uh the other elements were all filled in with grapes it was one of the kids mom had grapes so grape eyes grape buttons and was this uh snowman uh decimated by raccoons overnight? It must have been, yes. He also had an overturned coffee cup on his head as a hat. Oh, that's like a little fez. Yeah, a fez.

So I'm glad to see the kids still do it. I mean, I feel like finding lumps of coal is much harder to come by these days. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Although I've got, like everyone I see has a corncob pipe. yeah yeah that's true because although i've got like everyone i see has a corncob pipe yeah that's true and trump he vowed to bring back coal so you know what that i think instead of using a if they did frosty the snowman today he wouldn't have a corncob pipe he'd vape he'd vape or at the very least have a bong that he uh does rip yeah he'd wear yeah he'd wear a rick and morty t-shirt where

their hair is weed and i'm and i'm like excuse me the guys who make that show are problematic and they don't care their hair is weed nuggsy the snowman um and then also this weekend do you like graham but i also made a snowman this week yeah the same day i went sledding and it was great it was like the perfect consistency because it was very wet snow and it would get really sticky and you could really make balls out of it yeah but uh the problem was it was like the snow was starting to rain when I was doing it. And it was like, yeah, like, uh,

that Dan Fogelberg song. Hmm. I'm more of an Alexander Stan, Mr. Saxo beat fan. Um, but it was, uh,

it was like horrible. Like it was terrible to be outside. So we had to make it in like five minutes and then just watch it quickly die yeah well no it's still there but its head has shrunk remarkably should have had did you growing up in a snowy place uh did you uh make snowmen growing up graham yeah i think we did all of the things we had snow snowman, snowball fight. There was a rink in our backyard for a while. Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

My dad, like, just froze the whole backyard, and it was a little skating rink. Is that their current place? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. And, yeah, it was mostly good for trying to score goals. Did you grow up in that house that they live in now yeah yeah your whole life yeah oh okay yeah this whole time it just said that feels like a place you move to after

your kids like it's right next to a golf course yeah that's true yeah i think is your room still there uh no it's now part of the upstairs bathroom my parents made a rink in it yeah my dad filled it with water and it messed up everything where did you grow up stewart uh i grew up in four wayne indiana northern indiana uh so it's like the flat part of the midwest so and it's near enough to the great lakes that we would get we'd get big winters uh and it would you know, the snow would stick around for a while. And there's my parents had a house that was on a couple acres of land. And so we would go sledding and do all that stuff. That's damn.

Yeah. You like Coco? Of course. Who doesn't like Coco? We're talking about Ice-T's wife. Ice-T's wife. Yes. I love Coco. I love Coco. Graham and I, that was our celebrity sighting when we went to New York. Yeah. doesn't like coco um we're talking about uh ice tea's wife yes i love coco i love coco

that was our celebrity sighting when we went to new york yeah we got to see coco i've seen coco in new york oh shit it's hard to miss yeah um so the other thing i did this weekend is uh listeners may recall a couple of years ago, a place called little mountain gallery, uh, which is beloved to comedians here in town, uh, was torn down for, I'm sure very good purposes,

not condos or anything like that. Um, and so in the meantime, uh, the people who have run the little mountain for so many years have found another spot for it to exist. And it's a big place in uh in gastown in vancouver i am going to be doing a show there on march 12th uh you could buy tickets

lmg that's where you can find them and it's awesome this place is awesome what did you say tickets lmg little mountain gallery yeah but you can buy you can buy tickets lmg oh sorry yes you can buy tickets at lmg if you oh yeah just i'll post it on my instagram sorry sorry to interrupt no no no this place is awesome this place is awesome because it was completely renovated just before kovat happened so the business that was in there never got off the ground but they had designed it to be a brazilian themed vr experience wait how does it make it brazilian theme i don't know i don't know maybe capoeira is involved somehow it'd be any theme they said it was a brazilian uh yeah so i thought that was pretty it's pretty good

good you know sign of prosperous right sure yeah nature's healing yeah i like uh have you done vr uh no no i'm i'm my whole thing about doing vr is that i'm afraid somebody's gonna hit me in the balls is the person gonna be doing vr 100 fishing your wish if you ever put that vr rig on because somebody's gonna have heard this i just feel like that's something that would uh the whole time i'd be afraid of like one of the owners or disgruntled employees would come up and snap me in the nuts you know there's there's products that protect those that athletes wear oh yeah you learn about it at your gym no yeah they won't have me there they won't sell me products yeah you show up do you buy a can you buy a cup at the gym i don't think so i haven't tried

i when i put on the vr rig i'm begging for somebody to whack me in the nuts i would uh yeah if you i think you should combine your two fears cram and uh wear a vr rig to the gym i'm like i'm i'm bench pressing a thousand pounds i'm friends with slimer these are things oh man you're shooting the moon these are all your wishes yeah all my wishes yeah i'll fold it into a neat little it would be good if you were on that like hip thrusting machine wearing vr and slimers giving you encouragement like yeah do it buddy yeah i'm doing the part of ghostbusters where dan Aykroyd gets a blowjob. Oh, man. Do you guys want to move on to some

overheards? Okay. Sure. I hope they've got the bread bowl. Have you seen the bread bowl at this place? Good evening. Welcome to Maximum Fun. Have you been here before? It's her first time. Very good. Might I recommend our special?

Please. Can I interest you in the Max Fun Drive? I'm told they're cooking up something quite extraordinary this year. I've heard about this. With limited time thank you gifts for new and upgrading members? That's right. We'll take it. How would you like your episodes?

Can I get them excellent with new Boko on the side? Oh, are there live stream events? Absolutely. You know, if you're interested in events, meetup day is returning. What? Oh, you're gonna love meetup day. It's the best. Okay, let me make sure I have everything.

Max Fun Drive 2023 with limited time thank you gifts, live stream events, meetup day, excellent episodes, and of course, new bonus content. Sounds perfect. Great. We'll get it started and it'll be ready and of course, new bonus content. Sounds perfect. Great. We'll get it started, and it'll be ready in two weeks, March 20th. Oh, can we also get a couple of waters? Of course. Where am I? On Maximum Fun. What do you want?

A podcast miniseries about The Prisoner. Whose side are you on? That would be telling, but okay, I'm on my own side. It's one of my favorite ever TV shows. We want a podcast on it. A prisoner podcast. You won't get it. By hook or by crook, we will. Who are you? I'm Elliot Kalin. Who is number one? Jesse Thorne.

But you are John Hodgman. I am not a prisoner podcaster. I am a free man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I am not a prisoner podcaster. I am a free man. Are you okay? Elliot, are you all right? Okay, I'll watch it. All four episodes of Be Potting You are out now. Overheard.

Overheard's a segment where, boy, oh, boy boy there's a whole world out there huge huge whole world all sorts of people talking super loud and uh if you're lucky enough you might hear some of that and then you bring it here to the podcast and share with us and we always like to start with our guests stewart do you have an overheard uh guys i'm gonna i mean as a bartender i've overheard a lot of stuff in my time but i actually uh if if you'll allow me i this is going to be a slight twist on your premise i have an overseen okay overseen counts 100 not that long ago i took a trip to san francisco and i met up with a buddy of mine and me him and his bandmates road trip down to Santa Cruz to

catch a death metal showcase and before the show we went into a five guys and we got to see all the guys going to the show wearing their little death metal outfits showing off their face. It's like heavy metal prom. Everybody wears their favorite death metal shirts and there was there was a really

great. There was like a six sided hoodie. So it was like everybody wears their favorite death metal shirts uh and there was there was a really great uh there was like a six-sided hoodie so it was like there was print on the front the back both sleeves and both sides of the hoodie uh the hood now i never saw the front of his hoodie so i don't actually know what bandit is but the back of his hoodie read skull fucking neonatal necrosis wow very cool however did not compete with the hardest shirt i saw there which was a church group there was a girl wearing a hoodie and the back just said burdened by a glorious purpose and i was like holy shit that's the most metal thing in this whole joint this is like light blue sweatshirt oh man that's awesome uh you know like a lot more people would get into religion early if there was a cool cool

stuff like that going on yeah that's what dc talk needs to put on their their merch yeah if jesus had like a really inscrutable scribbly logo yeah yeah oh man uh i one time saw a lineup for uh people that were going to go into a juggalo show and it was the greatest it was the greatest have you ever been to an insane clown posse show no this i at the time i thought i should ask but i think it was pretty much sold out yeah when i was like 15 i went to a icp show in toledo ohio and i gotta say at the time that was like the best day of my young life oh i saw so many topless women it was crazy and the thing they would do that was so funny and it must just be a through line of something they do every new person that joined the line that was in Juggalo Ware,

everybody in the line would applaud for them. So every time a new person joined the line. It's a very supportive community. Yeah, it was very sweet. The only concert I've ever seen a topless woman at was Hootie and the Blowfish. Oh, wow. Oh, man.

Well, you know, Darius Rucker. Everybody's just quick to take their top off whenever he's around. She was on her boyfriend's shoulders and everyone turned and looked. And the whole band was looking. And she buttoned up pretty quick after that. But I just like the idea of the band just like stopping in the middle of the song. Hey, this isn't that kind of concert. Ma'am, you're going to get cold.

Yeah. Someone get her a sweater. Dave, do you have an overheard? Okay. So, okay. I was playing hockey a couple weeks ago. Nice. And there was a guy playing on the other team,

playing defense, who doesn't usually play defense. And he was maybe not well cut out to play defense. Okay. Not a great skater. Maybe a little slow. Yeah, what makes a good defenseman? Because I know the fighting ability was part of it. Low center of gravity?

Well, the big guys are pretty good at defense too. So any kind of, if you're solid on your feet and you're strong, being strong helps. Being strong, okay. Stuart, you should do it. Yeah. You should do it. Hell yeah. I don't play defense usually.

I'd love to, but not very strong. Not good at that first pass out of the zone. Anyway, so someone pointed out that this guy was playing defense and they said, so he's playing defense, so work that hole.

And obviously we're a bunch of men sitting on a bench and you could only imagine what the next person was going to say. And the guy said, yeah, work it like the hole in the mattress at your old high school. Wow. So wait, where in a high school is there a mattress? Well, I think he thought this was more of a

relatable universal thing than it really was there was a mattress somewhere with a hole that all the boys in the neighborhood like uh you know the high school mattress with the hole in it yeah yeah just putting it out there hoping everybody's like, yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. That was the original title of American Pie is High School Mattress. Yeah. Oh, man.

That does sound like a thing. Like, I have no problem believing that's a thing that exists. Yeah, of course. It's not universal. I feel like maybe if you go to like a like a boarding school yeah yeah there's definitely gonna be hogwarts has one you know it does but like the mattress is like alive and it fucking talks to you it's crazy i'm enchanted but i'll let you fuck me

i mean it's really encouraging this is a pity fuck i have a snake snape was in here yesterday yeah it's like slimer the gym it's just really supportive and it's just so tired though yeah yeah yeah you know who rests the rester right that's what uh this my overheard is from two young ladies who were part of a youth group because they were both had sweaters on saying the name of the youth group a christian youth group i think so they're burdened by a glorious purpose are there other kinds i yeah i don't know if there's other religions have youth groups i assume they do i guess there are non-religious youth groups but they're like just like day camps yeah day camps exactly put on by the ymc the kids that hang out at san francisco yeah give them some

fucking focus grams mean kids yeah bad apples uh and they were talking about a person and the one gal said she's a great friend well not a great friend she's very draining and then her friend said and judgmental oh my god oh wow she started up pretty high and yeah yeah story take it down a peg um yeah at first you were probably like i'd like to meet her and by the end you're like i'll hard pass on this one i could use a good friend sometimes yeah i bet she'd judge me and probably drain me as well did either of you guys go to like a youth a youth group a christian youth group or other religion youth group yeah i went to a muslim youth group um what did you guys do well i read the book the good book uh no i went to a few church youth group things yeah i did i

did a um like a scavenger hunt i feel like that was something that I was a part of, which is, I don't know. It kills the time. Was the scavenger hunt on Easter? Maybe. Maybe it was trying to make Easter hip for the teens. Yeah, I think the main thing we did was fellowship. Oh, yeah, fellowship. Oh, cool.

Yeah. I'm really into fellowship. Oh, cool yeah me too me too as long as there's a gimli in it um now we also have uh overheard sent into us from people all over the world you want to send one to us it's spy-maximum-fun.org. This first one is from Jesse in Burnaby, right here in our backyard. Last August, my wife and I were sitting in a bookstore in Port Hardy before people at the table next to us started laughing. Sorry, I'm really stumbling through this. Graham, just relax. Picture us in our underwear. Or picture Stu in his Speedo.

Yeah, give me a second. So, in a cafe bookstore in Port Hardy, the four people at the table next to us started laughing, and I heard one of them say, that's like when I thought you had three dogs, but it turned out one was a cushion. That's just like

that. Yeah. I think maybe you saw a picture, and you're like, like what was that what's the sharp a in the corner there oh no it's my son and i like to assume the cushion wasn't even like a novelty in the shape of a dog cushion it was yeah like sometimes you, if you like kind of beat your pillow, but you can kind of look like something. If you're looking at this right. You know?

Yeah, sure. If your mattress has a hole in it, it starts looking pretty good as well. You know, it's weird. It's my mattress has a huge hole in it. I've never thought of putting my penis in it.

So that is weird. I've just been keeping coins in it. I do a wish every morning. I threw a penny in it. that is weird yeah i've just been keeping coins in it i do a wish every morning i threw a penny sure yeah if my mattress had a hole in it you know water would be pouring out everywhere um this next one comes from moji from connecticut my six-year-old asked how to say Spanish in Spanish. I told him it was Espanol. When I went to say that the word for German in German is Deutsch, to which he said in his best punchline delivery,

Deutsche glad you didn't say potato? Ha ha! Oh, shit. Oh, man. Oh, I got him. It's, you know, a good thing in comedy is you gotta have that surprise twist at the end yeah yeah uh that kid's gonna be opening for you at your next live show i'm gonna be you see his tiktok followers yeah yeah it is a really good time to be in stand-up comedy

probably one of the best eras of stand-up comedy yeah everyone's getting so good looking yeah and bullies are funny now people just go on stage and uh try to try to uh destroy hacklers for destroy hacklers or try to do a witty bit of uh crowd work um yeah but you know what you guys gotta film everything and there'll be golden knuckles you gotta film it all somewhere yeah everything's content your entire life it's content baby exactly anyway get to the next part of our podcast graham uh this last one is from matt in houston overheard in a courtroom during a jury selection judge just a reminder that beverages are allowed in the courtroom

provided they are non-alcoholic and in a container with a lid or a cap. And one of the prospective jurors said, I have a bottle of cough syrup in my pocket. Is that okay? I mean, it depends on what you're going to do with it. I have a bottle of cotton do you have a cough no but i'm thinking of getting one yeah it's uh have either of you

guys been called ever for summoned for jury duty i've been summoned yeah what's jury duty like in in canada oh it's so good oh it's cool yeah everybody's super polite yeah it's really nice i got called to the like selection but they didn't select they they got through like 15 people and chose 12 of them like and so it was like they didn't need me they were like uh we'll call you we'll call you leave it like i'm a pod your name. Like I'm a podcaster. Like sit the fuck down. This was, this was before that. Um, but it was, uh, yeah, I was surprised that like no one who was called was trying to get out of it. I guess anyone who was trying to get out of it, got out of it before they even showed

up. Yeah. Yeah. And our lawyers here in Canada, they wear robes. Unlike in the States. Oh, cool. Yeah. That adds a little bit of pageantry. I like that. I, uh, robes. Unlike in the States. Oh, cool. Yeah. That adds a little bit of pageantry.

I like that. I, uh, yeah, I've been on one. I was on a jury like eight or nine years ago, uh, for a unlawful discharge of a firearm case,

which was one guy shot their guy. Uh, nobody died. I can laugh. Okay. Uh, and then, uh, I was just recently, uh, i had to show up and it was the

day it was the wednesday before american thanksgiving and uh so like i showed up and we like sat around for like two or three hours then they're like yeah okay you've done your time uh that's fine you can go home uh so it means that i'm off the hook for another eight years and at least in new york it's every eight years they call you okay okay i look forward to it i've never been summoned i i want to i want to sit in that jury oh it's coming baby stare at that person on the stand really give him a stink eye yeah give steely glare yeah the witness you've got a problem with the wit no this is the uh defendant is doing his own he's his own lawyer so he's sitting in the box yeah so you already think

he did it yeah because you know come on what the hell get a lawyer let a lawyer help if lawyers have to wear robes does the defendant put on the robes when he stands up to be a lawyer and then takes them off when he sits down as the defendant i think that they've let him wear a fun hat it's a very fun piece of physical comedy one of those uh educator hats that you'd have a grad that's what i feel like the people on the witness stand should have to wear like a what's that a like a mortar what's that called mortarboard yeah yeah motorboat a waterboard well good luck i hope you get called for jury duty sometime. Thanks, man. It means a lot coming for somebody who's done jury duty.

Yeah, there was like three guys in the jury that I was with that were all trying to solve the case. It's like a couple of Columbo's and I was like, oh, fuck this so hard. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone

calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod. One like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and allegedly corporeal guests. This is Kent from Hot Springs, Arkansas, calling with an overheard from my 8-year-old son. Arkansas, calling with an overheard from my eight-year-old son.

We took him to the doctor because he had pink eye, and the doctor said, yeah, well, you get pink eye from not washing your hands and then touching your eye. And my son exclaimed, well, if I'd known that, I would have been washing my hands this whole time. Anyway, I'm off. Good bit. Good bit. Good line. Yeah. I mean, we all kind of learned how to wash our hands at the beginning of the pandemic.

Yeah. That's true. People would post things of how to wash your hand there was like right before the pandemic uh you know right at the start uh my uh my friend dan was that i do the podcast with made it yeah i made a tweet yeah and he he uh he tweeted something about like how this has opened his eyes to how many men do not wash their hands and i like responded to his tweet with like a joke like well i don't like to wash my hands because it dries out my hands or something uh and a friend of mine screenshot it and tweeted it and it fucking went viral and i had all these

people tweeting at me like oh men don't wash their hands i'm like oh god damn it like that was always my nightmare my nightmare was always that like i would make some dumb tweet about like i didn't realize i had to wash my ass and then i'd fall asleep and then i'd wake up and there'd be like a million quote tweets of like oh this is just like midnight washing their ass you're on the cover of penthouse forum yeah this guy doesn't wash his hands and then you made a list of the, these people in the food service industry don't wash their hands. Oh, no. I'm ruined.

Next phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham, Impossible Guest. This is Julie M. in southern Indiana with an overseen. I just pulled into the mall and I saw two young people walking in with black hoodies on that matched. And the young lady had one on that said, my heart belongs to a gamer. And it had like a picture of a Nintendo controller on it. And the young man with whom she was holding hands, his black hoodie said, I am the gamer. Well, off I go. Match matching couple sweatshirts wow wow that's advanced that's like something that i only see adults pull off this is

these are kids these are teens i think it was teens yeah wow um but like you know he's just wearing the hoodie every day and she's just just deciding, I guess today we'll match. Or she had one made. Yeah. Do you think there's anyone else in his life that's like, I'm the younger brother of a gamer. My son is an idiot gamer. I'm the gamer. My nephew would rather be playing mario but it's out of

context this is very braggadocious if he's just out on his own it just says i am the gamer yeah like i'm pretty sure the gamer is gerard butler from the movie gamer hey i would worry about somebody coming up to me in that sweater and saying, list five video games because I'd be like, oh shit Madden 98 Madden 99 He's got us guys E5 98

And here's your final phone call Hi Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Tom from Toronto. I was just walking by a group of teenagers. And one of them said to the rest of us that I was wearing a hat. And he said, by day, I'm a model-battered reporter working for a major metropolitan newspaper. And by night, he pulled his toque down. He said, I have a toque on my face.

Thanks, guys. Off I go. It's nice that teens are still doing bits. Yeah. A toque is a beanie, what you would call a beanie in America. Oh, cool. That made a lot more sense i watched an episode of jeopardy not that long ago and it was unscrambling words to to make them

a hat the name of a hat and one of the ones was toque they did who gets also the name of like a chef's hat oh it is yeah oh shit it's also the name of one of the the the family name of one of the hobbits in the fellowship of the ring I wouldn't know that I don't listen to heavy metal it's probably for the best well that brings us to the end of this here episode Stuart where can people

find out where your bar is what your podcast is where you're tweeting where you're lifting well you can find out how much i'm lifting if you go over to my instagram account flop house cat that's me uh it's mainly pictures of me and sometimes videos of me lifting weights i also do that on tiktok but not as many people look at that well i mainly use that for the edit the the editing options uh let's see um i have two bars in Brooklyn.

One is called Minis and the other is called Hinterlands. I am there at either of them. Sometimes you should come by. They're fun. And you can also find me every week on the Flophouse podcast. We are a comedy show about movies.

And I don't know. You can find me on Twitter at Floph house cat as well beautiful thanks so much for being our guest oh no problem this was a dream guys i love your show i've been waiting to do an overheard uh and i got to do an overseen so this is awesome yes and also anytime you want to chat about uh the boy to brahms or brahms yeah yeah i'm i'm here for you i like this yep we'll do it okay uh and uh thank you everybody out there for being with us out there the uh uh stewart's show is on maximum fun it is and there's a drive coming up in a couple weeks uh it's called

the max fun drive and uh get your wallets out Yeah, yeah To support us For once in your miserable life Yeah, so we can buy Tukes So we can go to the mountains We can go drive up to the mountains I can buy a new swimsuit Because I soiled this one

So we can open up a bar That caters to the rat tail demographic yes yeah if i owned a bar it would be called lloyd's lloyd's rollercade but it would be confusing but people would get it after a while you know yeah i mean that's the thing it's like calling your bar the library and you're like yeah people are going to come in try and drop off books but they'll show up you know yeah i i say any of our listeners that live in calgary if you're thinking of starting uh a business in the nightclub or a fun space may i suggest calling it lloyd's rollercade i think that's a pretty good name dan you can also use

this if you need if you get another bar this is available to you and also stew you can as well oh what did i say you call me dan it's okay we're very similar sorry no that was that was bad uh sorry we've only been talking for like two hours it's cool oh yeah but not we didn't have your name on display or did we oh we did shit well sorry about that and thank you again for being our guest and uh thank you everybody out there maximum fun con drive oh man i'm falling apart you are firing on all cylinders i only had one cylinder it's now it's not working properly this is this is uh stop outcasting yourself episode two yeah well and we've been uh congratulate us just in the damn show 15 years.

They said we could never do it, but we did it. Happy anniversary. Back at you. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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