Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 787 - Nathan Hare

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

Comedian Nathan Hare joins us to talk Moby Dick, spending too much on foodstuffs, and a new chapter in the dead Queen prank war. No friggin’ way.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 787 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who can down as many chicken wings as you can make, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, a bit of a scheduling snafu today and I had to make chicken wings and eat them so fast. We're recording right at 6 o'clock prime dinner time and so I'm cooking. They're baked wings. I like them.

Um, I like, you don't have an air fryer or anything. Oh man. You're telling me an air fried this, uh, the, uh, nice, but, uh, but enough about that. Um, no, I feel like I got to get one, though. But I have one. I got a waffle maker. Sure. I got a goddamn... Air fryer?

No, I got an air fryer. I got a couple air fryers. No, what's the pressure cooker one? Like a pot? A crock pot? Yeah, it's like a crock pot, but it's like a crock pot but it's like a slow cooker guess what nope instant pot guess what it's but that's what yeah talking or not yet yeah yeah well and no you know you got an instant pot where am i gonna put this other appliance um in the garage oh sure yeah

yeah i put it in the freezer in the garage um and, and, uh, but yeah, that is, um, anyway, I made these wings. I'm a big combiner of sauces with wings. So I use a Frank's red hot, uh, combined with, um,

sweet baby rays. Oh yeah. Pretty good. Yeah. Um, our, uh, our guests today.

Frank's red hot. The thing about that is Frank's are a hot dog and red hots are hot dogs. I have so much to say about this. I can't believe it. We got to let this guy in on it. Um, our guests today, very,

very funny standup comedian. Uh, easily one of my faves of the people who are doing it today. And, he hosts a show at the Lido once a month, I want to say, and, uh, also has a podcast. He can tell you all about it.

It's Nathan Hare, everybody. Hello. I went so bold with that intro. Guess what, guys? Right now, I have a crock pot right over there, and I have a pork shoulder in there. Po-show! And I'm making some tacos, some carnitas, so that's going to be my dinner.

I feel like I had to mention that, you know? No, yes, we're all in the same ballpark. I'm not roasting or cooking any meat of any kind. I think I have a banana that I put in the fridge so that it would age slower. That's what I've got going on. You know what makes a banana age faster? Keeping it in your pocket all day yeah it's true if you if you got yellow bananas just

carry them around i put a banana in my backpack like two months ago or something it just turned into baby food in the in the skin in the two months yeah in two months i can't get around that's a bummer for your baby they're like gotta wait two months yeah but she's a survivor yeah it's coming it's in my backpack yeah i show her pictures of it um i want to talk do you i thought you wanted to say more about frank's red hot sauce. Well, I do. My friends are moving to Toronto, and I went over to their place on Wednesday, and they said, you can have all of our hot sauces.

And they gave us this huge bag. Frank's Red Hot Sauce. That's not bad. Pretty good deal. Are you a hot sauce person? No, not really at all, honestly. I stick to the classics. Yeah, honestly, my favorites are the a hot sauce person no not really at all honestly i i stick to the classics i oh yeah honestly my favorites are the least hot ones i like i should go on that show least hot

ones i like at chipotle and wings yeah at chipotle they have um a tabasco that isn't very hot but it's very smoky tasting like a chipotle pepper oh that's my favorite yeah yeah tabasco that isn't very hot but it's very smoky tasting like a chipotle pepper oh that's my favorite yeah yeah tabasco's always been kind of the that's before a red hot or frank's or sriracha i feel like wasn't wasn't i don't like the i don't like the fancy like you know you go to like a hot sauce store or something or people you know wait just wait till i got a yarn i'm gonna spin later this episode oh daddy oh my god i can't wait um in the meantime should we get to know us yeah later this episode. Ooh, daddy. Oh my God. I can't wait.

Um, in the meantime, should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Nathan. You, it's Nathan.

You're on stop podcasting yourself. That's right. We had Nathan McIntosh. Next week's going to be, um, Nathan, uh, Fielder. And then,athan nathaniel hotthorne he's gonna discuss his new book uh the scarlet letter his new book i rewrote the book i already wrote

i'm back. Nathan, you're you born and raised here in Vancouver. Are you a transplant? I am. And I'm an expat. I moved from I grew up in Kelowna. OK. And did you kind of not want to be on a jet ski for the rest of your life? I threw out all my Ed Hardy shirts.

Shit. Yeah yeah of course colonna a town that uh as a was it katie ellen humphries described as if blink 182 designed a city yes i came out of the womb going uh where are you you like how long it took me to remember the lyric yeah my first word was spiders hello there um is uh i've played in colonna many many times have you gone back to work as a stand-up comedian since you left or is that no i haven't gonna go down it's not i think it was for a bit a bridge i wasn't gonna go down just because i was like man my like i was just worried that like you know my some acquaintance from high school or like a family friend would be there and then be like whoo and i was nervous i was gonna basically do poorly and then they would be like wow he's not doing well in vancouver you know yeah they sent him here and he sucks yeah yeah yeah they're like go to colonna and perform there but and yeah if you make it you're

allowed to come back but otherwise just keep driving the cam loops that's your new yeah but i would i would like i think i would like to now I just, every time I go back, I'm always like just busy with like family stuff or yeah, never, I never go back for like long enough. I feel like I'm always just there to see family and kind of, yeah, move on.

But when you visit your folks, uh, how long does it take you to revert back to your, uh, teenage dumb or child dumb with, uh, as soon as you walk through the door? Immediately, yeah.

Immediately, yeah. No, I just don't do anything. I sit on the couch. I forget how to help out or cook at all. Somehow every chore is like, I've somehow forgotten how to do it. Yeah. How do I put my dishes in the dishwasher again? I'll just put them up here and in the sink

and then you know you know how it works here mom and dad it is funny like i have kids and um that i know of and i am always like it's it's as you get as they get older it is like you pick up their dishes and then they get a little bit older and they can, they can move stuff to the counter now when they're done. Eventually they'll be able to throw a little bit in the garbage and soon they'll wash a dish. Maybe the evolution. Yeah. It's,

um, do you ever have to do like, did you guys both grow up with dishwasher or did you have to do dishes manually on, uh, growing up? We, we had a dishwasher, but did you have to do dishes manually on growing up? We, we had a dishwasher, but I remember having to do some manual dishes,

you know, the delicate stuff. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I didn't do a dish till I left my home. Well, yeah,

I think like, uh, yeah, pretty cool. Cause it was dishwasher all the way. And then ever since I've never had a dishwasher, so it's equaled out. I've managed to balance the scales.

I think I like dishwasher better, but I do like washing dishes, so I'm... What do you like about it? It's just I can put on podcasts and just not pay attention to anything. Yeah, but you can do that all day long, too. You can do that anywhere. long too you do that anywhere you can zone out anytime yeah you just see me stare off and blank just sitting here i have a thing where um i uh i'm reading moby dick i'm reading in quotes because i was trying to read it and it was too hard for me to focus on it so i got the audiobooks and i'm listening to the audiobook but okay who

does is it a famous person reading it no they're not famous um well they're famous in the audiobook community i googled them and then they're they have a wikipedia page and they talk about how they do a lot of audiobooks okay so good for them okay congrats to this person whoever you are if you're listening sorry to this man um yeah i've always wanted to read moby dick but uh same thing i'm like is it going to be just such a challenge to sit down and actually do it it seems like it would be it seems like it'd be really difficult i went in confident and i tried to start it last summer gave up and then tried again to read it and now i'm on the audiobook but what i was going to say is that uh me and my girlfriend we live together and we'll like read before bed and now i'm on the audiobook but what i was gonna say is that uh me and my

girlfriend we live together and we'll like read before bed but now i have this audiobook and i don't i feel weird i'll put in my headphones and then just like stare at the ceiling it's so not cute like she's like it's nice to have like the couple reading in bed but then when you're just like focused on the ceiling listening in with airpods in it's so creepy you can like get your phone out and look at pictures of a whale yes how big a book is moby dick it's it's not huge is it it's 24 hours in audiobook length oh jesus okay but you you did have a did you have a physical copy yeah it's it's like um i was just gonna grab because i see it but i don't want to have a physical copy? Yeah. It's, it's like, um, uh, I was just going to grab it cause I see it, but I don't want to have to go all the way, but it's like, you know, it's probably like 500 pages maybe.

Hmm. Yeah. It's pretty lengthy. Yeah. I just started Harry Potter four. So I know what you're dealing with. Yes. And there's a lot of Harry Potter references in Moby Dick, which I think they do go to

Hogwarts. They do. Yeah. Yeah. yeah but still it's so challenging it's the it's the crossover book that everybody was what is like because there have been books that i've started and i didn't make it a page and i was like i heard this was the like if you're in the right headspace apparently like catch 22 is hilarious yeah i really like catch 22 i couldn't get far with that one it um uh the one uh james joyce what's his like ulysses ulysses yeah i tried to read that and i i think i got lost by page 10 i was like i'm not sure what's going on what's the challenge with uh uh moby dick is it too dry is it are the words too old it's kind of the words

are too old it's actually really funny but it's it's just that it's like the amount of focus it takes like the guy who reads it he does it in such a funny way and i find myself actually like laughing at it because there's like yeah it's it's it's very like it's actually a very funny book but i just like, I have the problem where I'll try to read and then I'll like, you guys do this where you'll read for a bit and you'll flip, be flipping pages. And then you're like, well, I didn't retain a single word of that. Yeah. I just, my eyes were reading that.

Like mimed reading. Yeah. But if I really focus on it, it was helpful. But then I would, I would always be like, oh, I don't have the energy to really focus on it. So then I would just never read it. And I was i was like okay i need to clear this off my desk and move on to the next yeah you know what i thought was really dumb and boring and stupid and then i like just in my mind i had an idea of what it was and i started reading it and it was

super entertaining was winnie the pooh oh it was great yeah it's just written in a very funny way nice i haven't i feel like i must have read that but i can't picture like the actual i mean just just watch the movie with about johnny depp being a.a mill no wait or is he the neverland why he was the neverland did they do one about the winnie the pooh guy they did that canadian heritage moment about the kid who named it after the bear in winnipeg that right yes part of our yeah that's right i think that was a christopher robin movie yeah goodbye christopher robin is about a melvin and his family and was it johnny depp no um it'd be weird to see johnny depp in a movie right? Because he kind of looks like a ghost man. It's Donald

Gleeson. To the moon. Donald Gleeson from The Honeymooners. Apparently the... You know who he is, right? No, I have no idea who that is. He's Brendan Gleeson's son. Who's that?

Brendan Gleeson from Benji's of Unassurance? Donald Gleeson from Benji's of Unassurance? Thano Gleeson from Ex Machina? Oh, that guy. I know that guy. Skinny guy. Skinny, yeah. He looks like, I guess, maybe if you were designing the opposite of Brendan Gleeson. We need the opposite of Brendan Gleeson.

Get in a lab. All your best designers on this we invented a brendan gleason machine but we but we we set it to backwards oh no and the the um uh the rights to winnie the pooh are in the public domain now so any of us could write a winnie the pooh yeah there's that horror movie that came out i know there's probably also some other gross stuff that's going on oh yeah maybe there's a porno yeah exactly this is what i'm thinking but when did they ever need permission you know what i mean people oh that's true not winnie the boo no no yeah we just call it that yes we're allowed to do this now we were able to do sherlock last month this is fantastic for porn the disney winnie the pooh is uh the the the it's not public domain so you cannot portray winnie the pooh as like just having

a red t-shirt on yeah you have to put pants on him from now on he has to have pants or shorts or a kilt yeah pornos have to be fully clothed yeah the worst i'm so mad we we should do a very we should take advantage of that and do like a very faithful adaptation it's a very nice movie with no parody or changes at all that'd be nice but also it's a porno yeah at the very end just hardcore porn um if you go to like the big library in manhattan they have a glass case with all the original toys that the real christopher robin had they're filthy but uh they're all in an exhibit and you you can be assured that they came from a real place this wasn't all just make-believe these were these were real characters in a real little boy's life who saw a bear one time and said winnie the pooh what was the story with winnie the pooh it was a canadian soldier owned him

no a canadian oh yes that's right a canadian soldier owned a bear and then he was going off to war and he was from winnipeg and he named it winnie for winnipeg yeah so the guy went to war and they sent the bear to the zoo yeah and then the kids saw the bear and the in the canadian heritage minute what's the name of the actor who's in it there's like a famous julian damn it well i actually didn't know that story at all i had no idea that it was a canadian thing yeah it's um it's very tangentially connected to a canadian thing and that makes it on julian richings is in this heritage minute look it up

everyone pause the episode yeah yeah go check it out see get to get in sync with your canadian heritage okay so you're reading moby dick you're just you're gonna ask okay pork shouldering don't i sound so cool oh my god i really hate this image i portrayed myself i think the guests resent us quite a bit because how they come across on the show when somebody does a book on tape do they do voices for the speaking like parts or is it all just one voice throughout exactly hey everybody i'm moby dick that's exactly how I pictured him sounding. Yeah. He,

he, he does like, I wouldn't say it's voices, but it's kind of like different intonations a little bit, but it's all kind of like, it's all kind of first person. Right. Call me a hell.

Yes. Call me Ishmael. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Keeps talking about himself. Ugh. So selfish.

Have you ever read a book in second person? Where it's like you are an idiot. I think like some instruction manuals. I've read my dad's texts. Yeah. I think Bright Lights Big City. I read that and it is uh you are you know doing a bunch of cocaine right now it sounds good i am i am doing cocaine i feel like i read a short story

like i don't know if i've ever read a full novel yeah because it would get annoying after a while it's like no i'm not i'm not what book doesn't get annoying after a while? Oh, absolutely. The Winnie the Pooh books. They stay solid to the very end. Yeah. Yeah. I think. It's been a long time.

Maybe it doesn't have a happy ending to it. You'll have to let me know. Are you currently reading them? No, I've read two pages of one once. I was like, this is good. I'll do more. Kids weren't interested um are you an avid reader nathan no not really i does your girlfriend force you to read in bed you're like can i just watch a show yeah. I'm putting my laptop in between,

trying to cover Moby Dick in front of my laptop and watching Ridiculousness. She's like, wow, that's a really weird audiobook. I read like a decent amount. I do really like reading, but my girlfriend reads like a ton, a ton. So I try to keep up with her. She recommends a lot of books. What's like,

uh, your average in a year. How many books? Like, like 10 to 15. That's good. Yeah. I'm that way too,

but with one to two. Yes. Yes. Yeah, totally. Um, I was reading the other day about a woman who like voluntarily lived in a cave for 500 days and she only read 60 books in that time and i felt like that was low is that low that's

yeah i think that's low did she but did she have a phone no she only had an ipad that you would then send up and they'd reload it with yeah yeah like putting a string up and they're like bringing the ipad up and they bring it down and it's filled with uh movies yeah exactly what is what happens on ridiculousness i don't know it's in my head though because i just watched a clip about how the guy who does that show he like does analytics for his whole life like he like he tracks every moment of his day and then like he's like i spent x amount of hours with my family this year and i spent x amount of hours filming the show this year and then he like budgets out all this stuff anyway is that good no that's not that sounds good keeping tabs I guess it's okay, but I'm just like, wouldn't you...

I don't know. It seems depressing to me or something. I used to be an enormous fan of the band Weezer. Yeah. That was the main focus of my teenage years was Weezer. You majored in Weezer. I majored in Weezer from ages 14 to 21. But then when I discovered that Rivers Cuomo has like a binder

trying to like formulate the perfect pop song and he had all these like criteria, it was a big turn off for me. Well, yeah, because he like he does a thing where he like has like an excel spreadsheet and he'll write like one line and then like pair a bunch of lines together it's all very like formulaic right yeah yeah whereas i felt like the first couple of albums were like diaries yeah he was just like talking about his own life and i was like oh that's nice i like this but then

it's the you he brings you up to the present time and then he's fumbling around for more material. Well, now I'm famous. I don't have anything to write about. Yeah. I'm no longer tired of sex. Yeah.

Yeah. Must be nice. I'm still tired of it. I created, it's kind of funny to be like, I created the perfect formula and what it resulted in was Beverly Hills yeah that's exactly what I was gonna say it's like maybe adjust the formula slightly because then he sounds like Frankenstein or something he just sounds like he's

in love with the possibility of Frankensteining together the perfect pop song Yeah Look I've divided enough Of my life to that guy Let's move on Nathan what was your like high school Musician or Musicians that you were obsessed with Well I don't know high school

High school was kind of like Mac DeMarco He was huge Yeah he was huge when I was in high school, he was huge when I was in high school. Well, he was two when I was in high school. But he was a big baby. It was a Honey, I Blew Up the Kid scenario. He dresses like

Honey, I Blew Up the Kid. But I was in a band and we copped because he was in this band called make a videotape before he went solo and they did a thing where it was like the drummer only had a like floor tom and a snare and so i played guitar and i would write songs and then my friend who didn't know how to play drums he just played the floor tom and this snare so we kind of copied that and it was but we were very bad what did you call yourselves our name was val and judy forever because we were in a bookstore and we saw there's like this old comic strip called valid and judy val and judy forever yeah okay check us out are you guys on band camp where can we find

we actually do have a song on Bandcamp. I think it's still up there. What's the name of the song? Just making a note here. For Bandcamp Friday, please go out and buy this song for my high school band.

I think it's called Fuck, wait, I'll find it. Were you doing gigs or was this just purely in the in the house or in the garage or you actually get out there and do some stuff it was in the in the kitchen oh yeah i found the remix that my friend made but where's the i am where's the original i we all have the remit freaking napster this is gonna be like a the remix uh like you know like the ignition remix or whatever like it's yeah yeah it's bigger than the original we played we played at our talent show okay and we played at another like assembly and that went poorly because i don't know why we were asked to do this.

Oh, we also had a show. My friend in high school was like, I did this art program and we have a, this is just a really bad memory for me, but we, we played this gig where it was like, she was like,

you're in a band. We have this art show that we're doing and we need some music for the, for the art opening. It needs to be loud. And the program director came, we, we like did a sound check and then she goes, that the art opening. It used to be loud. And the program director came, we, we like did a sound check and then she goes, that was jarring.

It's a, it's very hard to make drums quiet. Yeah. And it was like the acoustics and it's in an art gallery. So the acoustics were like horrible. Right. Yeah. And then we played and we literally cleared the room like

everyone just went outside and like chatted amongst themselves and we and we played a little a little set or whatever oh man yeah i uh i did a gig when i was like 16 that was in a cafe and too many people were pressing on the thing where the sandwiches were so then our gig got canceled because of that there's too many too many people in the room pressing on the thing where the sandwiches were it was like a display thing and people were leaning on it i thought there was like people were holding down panini presses it was a fire hazard your music is panini music and we do you won't stand for it that's what I played in the band was the panini press. And Dave, you also, you played in a band, a couple of bands? I played in bands, yeah.

And in art galleries. And, you know, yeah, too loud. People think they want music because they see, like, a band play at a party in a movie. But it's not like that. No, you can't have a conversation while people are playing drums in a room with you. Yeah. Yeah. Impossible.

Do you still make music or is that a different part of your life different chapter i am seriously trying to become a singer songwriter no can you imagine i like i come on being like yeah i'm a comedian and then i'm just like actually what i really want to talk about is no i don't really make music but well so i i do um in that band i played guitar and i sang but I also play the drums. I still do play the drums a bit. I'll go to this like studio on commercial drive and just play whenever. That sounds fun.

Are they your drums or are they? No, it's like a little rental space thing. But like, do you know who they belong to? Or is it just like drums for rent? Drums for rent. Can anyone do this?

Anyone can do it. Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty cheap actually. I think it's only only like like i haven't done it for a bit but i feel like it was only like 10 or 20 bucks an hour and all you really only need to go for an hour that is pretty good like throwing away so much money going to this rage room where i smash tvs and do they still have those are they still around do they still have those how long did they exist i went to one here in vancouver and it was uh it was tons of fun but i was like

is this a sustainable business model are people coming back that are filled with rage they'd like i got like me and again i had you know how you had to buy a new tv once uh like and you made a snap decision that this tv was over and you had to buy a new tv once uh like and you made a snap decision that this tv was over and you had to buy a new tv yeah i had to do the same thing a few months ago after my tv kept glitching out i did every fix for it and three months later it glitched out again and tried all the fixes three months later the fixes didn't work new tv time that old tv is so smashable yeah that's the thing like i guess you're right there's a lot of people with things that should be smashed yeah that are non-recyclable but what was your favorite you went to a rage room what was your favorite thing you smashed

a computer you like the back of a computer because all the like computer chips kind of blew out so that was pretty cool a lot of the stuff that's glass is incredibly hard to break or bust it turns out but uh i wish i had that problem very easy to bust i wish i had that problem it's just a weird way of phrasing it you're like having sex and you come too fast oh man i wish i had this problem i wish i had a different guy's problem she's like what wish i had your problem never mind i'm going to a rage room that's me and my crowbar uh do you get a crowbar they give you they give you a choice do they give you a crowbar you can have sledgehammer yep give you goggles they give you a whole like biker kind of helmet so so stuff doesn't fly up and cut your forehead oh that's good

yeah but they don't offer any padding or anything they give you a jumpsuit to go in so everything else is you're not gonna body check or you know a mirror yeah well if if i catch my reflection i might not know who it is and he's coming at me that guy's got a crowbar and he's so handsome too if you guys were in a street fight what uh weapon would you want crowbar chain hammer no gun you can't have gun it has to be combat chain is too hard you gotta get the right rhythm yeah yeah i might go like rake yeah like a real like the triangle kind of traditional rake yeah

you you got a lot of holes in my shirt yeah yeah you just made me look cool i might go with like boy like a spiky little ball that you use to like massage your foot roll over your foot back and forth would you put it on like a string or in a sock and kind of whip it around or you just have it? I probably just massage my foot. Why is Dave even in the gang? He does this every time. I have plantar fasciitis. Oh, man.

Nathan, you host a podcast, co-host a podcast with past guest Danica Thiebaud. And we were chatting about it very briefly, but what is the... What is it? Pre-show when I was eating wings. Dave was eating wings.

Yes. We were... I was thinking about the television show Wings. And then Nathan was... I was thinking about the band Wings. Yeah, nice. But yeah, how long has it been been around how many episodes are we talking about i think we've been going on i think it's like i feel like we started in like 2005 we were

definitely one of the first podcasts when mac demarco was a little baby yeah yeah yeah i think we like started so yeah we're like over a thousand now no we started we started it so funny we um started it like you know it was like a covid happened lockdown everyone's like we're starting what's covid what happened the covid 19 is this fabulous disease that i love oh how novel. Yeah. But no, we started it in 2021, right? When things opened up. We came out in the same room because we didn't want to do it over Zoom. We had the idea for a while.

Oh, man. Doing it over Zoom sucks. If I ever had to do that once. Dude, it's the worst. We did once not in Zoom a few weeks ago. ago oh my life got so much better for a week um but back to my podcast yeah it's back yep i was telling you guys you know we do it's supposed to be like we started it with um oh we're gonna talk about what we're worried about every week because we

wanted something that was just like what's the most basic premise that we can do that we won't get sick of and then we barely do that premise we just what is what's something that worries you what are we talking about here global personal what do you worry about just like it's usually like small things like one time i was i was on a zoom call for work and i think my boss muted me and i it's like things where it's like did he mute me like if i unmute myself is that like am i going to get a mute me again like i see you know it's like little worries like that where you have throughout the week oh that's a tough one though because yeah you've been muted i guess one time you can unmute yourself and be like oh I thought it was me that muted it but then after that you're being told

what's going down yeah yeah do I make a weird noise that I don't know about yeah I think I might have been making a noise like mmm that's what you do while you're sitting in your bed listening to a movie

yeah very fast every word got it understood processing excellent That's what you do while you're sitting in your bed listening to Moby Dick. Very fast. Every word. Got it. Understood. Processing. Excellent. What's the biggest word in Moby Dick?

Scrimshaw? Scrimshaw. It's probably, oh, I don't know. The or and or but. That's the biggest word. A three-letter word. Wow. Well, this is the thing. If you think about it, without those words, they. That's the biggest word. A three-letter word. Wow. Well, this is the thing.

If you think about it, without those words, they're kind of the biggest, they have the most impact. That's true. Yeah, we need them. That's true. Yeah. Oh, man. Okay. You make this podcast about your worries.

What's it called again? Forgive Us. Forgive Us. How do you choose a podcast partner? When I started this show. I held auditions. In in 2018 there were no podcasts no one knew a podcast where i told graham hey we should have a podcast he didn't know what that was and i sometimes i think about what would have happened if i came to someone else with this idea

probably wouldn't have lasted probably not wait 2018 we're before that. 2008. 2008. Yeah. Yeah. I, so I, 2008 comma teen. I was talking to Nathan, who I call teen. I checked out for me.

Made total sense. Yeah. Um, uh, how do I, well, okay. Honestly,

just, I love hanging out with Danica. She's so fun. She's so funny. So funny. Funny. Yeah. Um, you two Yeah. You two are

a couple of bright spots on the horizon in this comedy scene that's always tumultuous. It's always changing over and getting weird. You're always talking about tumult, Graham. I love tumult. I can't... We're, yeah, we're

forging a path through the apocalypse that is... um you're uh the last of us i was gonna say this is us but that's uh shows for people to cry do graham did you watch the last of us eventually no no i did not um i haven't seen it either yeah i watched the first three episodes the algorithm thinks i'm homophobic but but i actually liked that episode that's the only episode i did like and i thought it was a uh that was i thought it was an outlier from the regular episodes and the algorithm can tell that you're smiling and enjoying it i wasn't smiling

smiles at tv i do i'm gonna raise something fun i like to smile um yeah you guys well you saw some of it nathan have you seen any of it none of it yeah it's i feel like you're either in or out like i I'm not going to casually watch a couple episodes and then, you know, I do. I was like, I'm out. And then, but so many people were talking about it and then people were saying, oh, it's actually really good. Like this third episode is one of the best TV episodes I've ever seen. And yeah, it was pretty good.

I didn't like that. They had like a, yeah, it's still fake old makeup fake old guy makeup in it and i was like come on this is 2023 yeah she's a computer yeah um yeah the uh i was just thinking about how there aren't a lot of dramatic equivalents of sitcoms that like reset every uh every week where you're like okay well it doesn't matter what happened in the last episode we're back at the apartment well there are like files did law and order yeah yeah yeah that's true law and order is they're not always solving the same it's also yeah they're no i think there are quite a few like every network none of the new ones procedural

like can you imagine just being like oh i'll tune into like episode three of succession yeah it's like trying to and then skipping a few episodes but isn't the last of us they're they're shooting in vancouver next season yeah yeah everybody get out on an audition that you can be one of the i don't know what's monsters I guess mustard people, mushroom people. Hopefully they need a, uh, maybe three guys. Yeah. Have you ever done any like extra work or anything like that? Any background work in your,

uh, in your life? No, I don't think I've ever done extra work. I think I've only ever acted in like a few things, but nothing major. But like, were you,

these are speaking parts. Were you extra? I was Nathan. You're being very extra. That was the director's note. Um, yeah, like just like little,

like it was, yeah, just like little speaking. I don't think I've ever actually been in a, uh, as an extra just in the background. It's easy money. If you need some cash, it's easy money if you need some cash it's uh you don't have to do anything you just have to stay warm basically is the one thing and honestly

if you don't want to do anything you're just like yeah they won't make you yeah yeah exactly everyone is so eager you could just hang back yeah yeah you can like if you know great time to listen to an audible book or, you know, if you're like crossword person or whatever, like it's just, you can just sit there basically quiet by yourself the whole time. There's one,

I heard about this woman who spent 500 days as an extra and she only read 60 books and they were all picture books. So yes. Yeah. They didn't even say what kind of book it was. 500 days. Yeah. I think I could spend, if I spent 500 days in an airport, I would read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

Yeah. I'd read Girl Boss or Boss Bitch or whatever. Steal like an artist. Yeah. steal like an artist yeah but like she's the woman that was underground in the cave for 500 days she didn't want to come out like she was she was loving it she uh what was she doing she's just hanging out she's reading books and they not very many they would lower like food to her and she would eat and lie around there's like all these scientists kind of followed it to see uh how like circadian rhythms work and all that kind of she have like

any exercise like could you walk around the cave she could walk around and do like do uh yoga and stuff like that but uh she was like i wish i I could stay in there. And the only thing that she was looking forward to was having chips and fried eggs with friends. Wait, where's this woman from? I don't know. Fried eggs with friends? Like they do on my home planet?

Something broke down there in her brain. Something definitely broke. I love it it i just want to have fried eggs with friends okay no this experiment went really wrong we might have to lower back into the cave the food they were lowering down to her was were fried eggs not an option i guess not they get pretty rubbery on their trip down to the cave they were really this chef was so concerned about maintaining the integrity of the meals nathan do you like eggs love eggs yeah what's

your favorite dave just learned how to do was it poached amazing poached yeah i've improved on my poaching lately yeah yeah it's pretty hard yeah yeah my what's your go-to what's your fave well my favorite right now is like uh yeah like a hard-boiled but like in like a ramen or uh i make these uh korean rice cakes and i'll toss a hard-boiled egg in there i just made that the other day that's pretty good how about you how about you graham i like uh just a classic fried egg yeah fried egg on toast. Just classic. No-brainer.

I like the other ways, but if it's up to me, I'll eat the sunny side up. And you know what? It usually hurts my stomach, but I still do it anyways. Really? I feel like eating a completely cooked egg is fine. I don't suffer any, but if the rope yolk is runny oh boy interesting yeah okay isn't that weird but that's one of the great joys in the world i know that's why i do it to myself but i shouldn't but i'm so in love with it that i do you have to block off egg time in

your calendar to be like yeah yeah yeah i gotta uh yeah my calendar around my house i put up on the whiteboard this is when i'll be needing uh this that and the other i like a scramble too yeah scramble's good too scramble is good scramble's fun also omelet's really fun own or do you mix the things in with your scramble oh you know what's good parmesan cheese parmesan yeah my friend got me onto that and it's really good just a little bit that sounds really good yeah yeah it's um you know yeah uh listeners if there's a new way to do eggs that you learned uh while being in a cave or otherwise uh send it along here are my top five egg preparations in no particular order poached poachedambled. If you can get a poached egg on like chili, chili with like a tortilla and cheese. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Is that huevos? Huevos rancheros? I guess that's pretty close to that. I like, you get a little ramekin. Yeah. You crack an egg in there. You bake it with some like shredded ham and cheese.

And then you dip a toast into that. Oh, yeah. What's the one that's got like toad in the hole or something? Toad in the hole is when you cut a hole in the egg and then you fry that. You cut a hole in the toast. Yes. You don't cut holes in the egg. It just goes everywhere.

Scissors. The next one I like is a scramble with like avocado and tomato and cheese. Do you like an omelet or are you anti-omelet? I'm not anti-omelet. I just don't want to make it myself. Oh, yeah. No, but if there's an omelet bar if you're in place then yeah i watched this online video of a woman making an omelet and it was like she made to make it so that the omelet you have to cook at a very low temperature and then you she made this like potato starch slurry

oh whoa delicious to make it so the egg does is still foldable and not burning at a certain temperature i tried it no not for me man too much work and of course the best egg of all cabaret cream egg oh yes zero by the way like i was at the pharmacy what about this zero oh shit you got mini eggs fucking cabaret mini eggs those are my favorite um there's uh no discount the discounts on bunny chocolate is uh is a is a joke right now really no really there's no good deals to be had i actually i'm lying i don't like a cabaret cream egg uh but i do like the reese ones the reese ones are good yeah um i like like a traditional you know like black uh dark chocolate bunny that you would get but uh uh they don't do that anymore it feels like always milk chocolate where you have to oh yeah when did they ever do black dark you go to a fancy place

dude i was at purdy's yes purdy's would have them 300 bunny chocolate yeah how big it was pretty big but i was like who is i guess if you have a huge family no but you can make your own from the car of the right hole specific to your penis yeah I guess it wouldn't be too hard to get a mold made

they got all that warm chocolate they do a chocolate mold I hate to ask but do you do you have a do you do a penis mold i could we gotta pour on hot chocolate unfortunately we roll it in nuts you get to keep it that no charge like that's just your deposit carried around on a popsicle stick but like was there stuff did like, was there stuff?

Did it say? Was there stuff inside of it? Or was it just like a solid? Because if it was hollow, that sounds like a ripple. I didn't have my x-ray goggles on. I don't know. I would have gone in and asked questions. Yeah. I didn't investigate, but it was pretty big.

I just was still taken aback by that. Like 300 bucks. Even if you were so excited about Easter, I just feel like that would be by that. Like 300 bucks. Even if you were, even if you were like so excited about Easter, I just feel like that would be a lot of money. Yeah. It's not, uh, somebody that could afford that doesn't have the same brain as the rest of us.

They're like some weird, uh, you know, mathematical genius that, uh, it just like does stocks all day, you know what I mean? But also wants to eat their weight in

chocolate the stock market closes they head to prudy's what can i get for six hundred dollars they say two bunnies it's not on their website but they do have some expensive uh combos on their website what's a like what's the combo is it like a mother's day combo or is it just everyday combos no it's a Tuesday it's a bunny you can have sex with um what's the pretty's website like let me check it out it's actually bussing message board the 130 signature chocolate gift basket it seems to be the biggest thing i can find but man do i love those hedgehogs now i was just thinking there are a lot of chocolate bars that you could probably have sex with if you tried i feel like there's let's not out there

let's not what i thought you guys were into it. What the hell? No, do your bit. No, no. It's already gone. Come and gone. What is, like, one of those cherry blossoms? Oh, yeah. He's so gooey.

I mean, you can do a Cadbury egg. Big case to be made for that. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Oh, wow. Okay, so I just sorted everything on the purdy's chocolate website okay most expensive to least expensive 4.5 kilograms that is 10 pounds basically of gold coins nice it's 337 dollars and they're just the same gold coin like coins wrapped in a wrapper wow okay that's not bad though if you got money burning a hole in your pocket and you still like money if you just like money in general that's totally yeah the theme is money what's going on

with me is well i told you a few weeks ago uh i went to a commercial drive And did a bunch of errands And my love affair with running errands Has reawakened this spring Oh okay Last Friday was good Friday Which is a holiday It's a day off here in Canada Although it's very hard to explain it to my kids

What it's about When we don't go to church. Well, there was this guy named Jesus and he died and now everyone gets the day off, but not everyone. Just you really get the day off. Yeah. Everyone else seems to be at work. Yeah, exactly. Um, but yeah, tell me what type of errands are we talking about?

I love doing errands. All right. um but yeah tell me what type of errands are we talking about i love doing errands all right so i when i went to palm springs a few weeks ago boy how far back do i go i started drinking these uh moscow mules okay do you know what a moscow mule is graham it's i know it's obviously vodka based but is it does it have fruit in it you're like ginger beer right ginger beer oh ginger beer okay and i never be in a little like a copper container like this one i have right here yeah that's the one nice and i uh i've been looking all over town for the uh this brand bundaberg ginger beer okay Okay. But I can't,

I couldn't find it anywhere. And then I, going back even further, I hate ginger beer. Oh, really? Okay, so this is complicated. Anytime anyone's offered me ginger beer, I've been like, oh, that's good. I'll try that. And I hated it. It goes right up my

sinuses. It's unpleasant. But a switch flipped when I was having these Moscow mules that I was like, oh, now I love ginger beer. Yeah. Put a little lemon in it. Ginger beer on its own is not alcoholic. Is that right? It's like. That's right, sir.

Okay. I don't know. I guess I have had ginger beer. I don't think it was too gingery is my recollection. Yeah. Too much. Well, I thought that's why, because what we had in America was Bundaberg. And I was like, well, maybe this is the kind I love.

So I was hunting it down. I know you can buy individual bottles at Snackland. Oh, yeah. That's what I was going to say. Then I discovered you can buy the four packs at this place called Gourmet Warehouse. Oh, I love Gourmet Ware oh i love i tell me about it tell me about it i have heard of it before and but i've never been and i was we're also looking for tiny little bowls in my house okay for months i've been looking for tiny bowls where you can

like melt butter or put like a tiny bit of ranch in. Oh, like a ramekin, that kind of thing? Smaller than a ramekin. Okay. And I couldn't find them at dollar stores. I couldn't find them at the like Japanese dollar stores. And I was like, well, I'm going to look for two things at Gourmet Warehouse. I ended up spending $150 at G warehouse i walked in what is it what is it just uh cooking implements or is it it's cooking implements it's food it's uh appliances it's a vibe oh yeah

i walked in and they were playing a song that's very famous on this show graham a song about food uh do you want me to play it for you yes please is it a hot dog song no no that would be very good do you know the hot dog song, Nathan? No, what's that? I want a hot dog. A juicy four pound hot dog. Topped with loaded toppings. Like chili, cheese, and bacon.

Fully loaded with delicious toppings. Give your taste buds something to sing about at New York Fries. Oh my God, that was amazing. Pretty good, eh? I want a hot dog. It it's like so grating it gets right to the point that's what i love about it yeah no gray and the song they were playing in this store the moment i walked in was this one peel me a gray yep yeah as soon as i heard the piano idea well we got to get to it peel me a grape crush me some ice that is the vibe of this store yeah okay that really does that really does paint the picture yeah so i walk into the store

first thing i'm like okay i'm gonna get some of these tiny bowls yeah how many do i need two or four i bought eight but it was just i was completely won over by the store from Samoa. I went over to the ginger beer section. They had it. Two, four packs. Okay. I'm drinking ginger beer every day now.

Do you like it on its own, or do you only like it when it's connected to vodka? Or are you drinking it straight? I haven't had it on its own. It's an interesting experiment to maybe try. I go over, they have like, oh, speaking of hot sauces from before, a wall of hot sauces. Oh, shit. Were there lots with skulls on it? I feel like skulls is a much...

Yeah, of course. A lot of skulls, a lot of course a lot of skulls a lot of colons prolapsed anuses uh somebody with a fire extinguisher putting a flame on the guy's their toilet is a fire extinguisher the devil the devil's very popular in this motif motif um and then uh like there was just like every kind of uh sort of region of cooking has its own section of just like you know sauces and spreads i i got like a big thing of dumplings i they're frozen I haven't made them yet. There might be good. Um, I got a thing of, uh,

like roasted peppers. Sure. In a jar. In a jar, jarred, like smoked peppers. And, uh,

for the last week, that's sort of just been my personality. Now I'm just like jarred pepper guy. He was trying to work it into conversations you're jared pepper guy right yeah well yeah that's true i am jared pepper guy uh you know i put it on sandwiches put it on eggs oh man yeah put it in my moscow mule nice like the peppers on sandwich that's uh yeah it was it's it's a. So what else did you get? Like you got, uh,

was there anything else in hilarious quantities or was there a little sampling? It was a bunch of little things and it just, I got to the checkout and it was too expensive and I was too shy to put anything back. And there were so many people working behind the counter and they were like wrapping each thing, each, uh, little tiny bowl in paper. I can't take it back now. They're all wrapped. I mean, the bowls were $3 each, so that wasn't the reason.

No. Nathan, you like a gourmet warehouse? I do. I haven't been there too many times, but it is one of those places where if you need like a like oh i want to make this cocktail and i need this syrup they always have it or like um they have good glass for it too it's actually not that expensive if you want like a specific like oh i want a martini glass or a glass or whatever it's all pretty reasonable prices is it gross if you drink other things that aren't a martini out of martini glass does it look

gross it is weird like i don't even want to drink a martini out of a martini glass it's so like topsy-turvy tippy toppy yeah yeah it's pretty hard it i mean yeah what would be the like just milk in a martini glass like yeah yeah exactly yeah just like your morning like breakfast oj this is how we start the day yeah it's precarious um but uh yeah i love it uh i will go back i'm still putting uh peppers on everything yeah and uh you're use your family receptive or you've gone rogue no they don't want anything i'm making oh okay good good everyone's mad at me everyone's like dave you spent all our money on this stupid food your kids are wearing uh green visor hats with the the lamp dave you can't keep doing this you're leaving us dry they've got the sleeve garters

um and then so that was friday and then also another thing that was happening to me on friday is i thought this was because i had had a hot sauce on thursday and like scratched myself with it okay but i had a patch of skin that was just spicy like to the touch yeah it was just like it it felt like a little bit hotter than everywhere else on my face and it wouldn't go away it wasn't like a different color it didn't like turn red but uh it didn't get puffy or anything it was just only I could tell. And so Abby suggested I take Benadryl, and I've never had any allergy issues.

And so I took Benadryl and immediately fell asleep. Yeah. That's the killer. Yeah. I was like, I went to the store and bought Benadryl, and I was like, well, I'll get extra strength because I can handle anything. Yeah. Did you take the liquid or the pills?

The pill. As a regular, not voluntarily consumer of Benadryl, if you drink the liquid and you try to stay awake, your reality just starts playing tricks on you. You get so high. your reality just starts playing tricks on you it's uh you get so high i'm surprised that they sell it legally over the counter because if kids knew this man oh man they'd be drinking benadryl every which way it was yeah it was very weird and then like i it was like one in the afternoon and i took it and i woke up at three and then even though i was awake at three i could not move i was like abby was coming in and out of our room talking to me and I could talk, but I could not get up.

Wow. Like you were like, like, like how? Like you couldn't move your arms? I mean, I was awake, but I was like, it was, it was sort of just that feeling of like when you're a teenager and you sleep till 11 in the morning and your parents are talking to you and you're like, and your parents are asking you if you could throw, hey, can parents are talking to you and you're like and your parents are asking if you could throw hey can i throw this away and you're like no wait mom why are you doing this to me those are my tiny little things for dips i'm gonna need them i need them to melt butter

i need them to crack an egg into so I can lower them into the hot water for poaching. And then I had one more errand I needed to run that day. I needed to pick up my pants from the laund from the laundromat okay or the dry cleaner well okay these are fancy pants we're talking no they were just regular pants but the dry cleaner there were new pants and the dry cleaner uh can hem them for you ah yes yes so i walked over uh because i was like i can't drive i've had benadryl yeah this is like mind altering yeah so i walked over to the dry cleaner i opened the door and he was asleep sitting and then when you're like hey pull up a chair let's both have a nap no i could see him through the door asleep and then i opened the

door and that like sound will come up yeah yeah did he do the like pretending he wasn't asleep kind of thing of course i'm not asleep i'm resting my eyes that's what makes me such an efficient dry cleaner he was napping on using your pants as a pillow yeah he was there's a big drool what the hell guys it's supposed to be dry cleaning what are you doing you're slobbering it's all wet anyways the dry clean the guy who owns the dry clean shop does very little dry cleaning i i think they yeah they just pass it to like a centralized dry cleaning place and then they get it back and they get it back they tell you what time to come back and then they yeah then they find your number.

He's really good at whatever his part of the job is. I walk in and he's like, don't tell me your number. I know your pants. Oh, nice. That's good. Where everybody knows your pants. Yeah. They're always glad you came in them.

So you got your pants back? They look all right? You told me, man. man oh hell yeah yeah nice brown sock a little green green pantalones although this camera's playing tricks on you the socks are burgundy oh yes my apologies i've not uh gourmet warehouse anyway had a really eventful uh day of running errands on uh uh the day that jesus was killed oh yes nathan favorite uh way jesus was killed no uh i personally i gotta go i loved the uh hanging on from the cross it's classic um for me i like uh uh you know uh missive death by miss advantage

i remember in in a youth group i just the only thing i ever remember from youth group is one time they were like you know when they hung him to the cross it uh actually took a really long time for him to die and he didn't die he died from like lack of oxygen to his brain or something because like they put nails that's for the autopsies i don't know it was this weird i don't know what the point of it was they told us this big long story but i was like you know they actually took a really long time we're all just sitting there and like can we take longer than the other people being crucified the same day? I don't know. I don't know what the point,

that's just the only thing I ever remember. Yeah. I remember being told like when you are crucified, you don't like bleed out from the nails. You're you slowly suffocate from. Yeah. From not being able to like hang your head. Wow.

I don't know why I'm talking about this, but no, there's a guy that every year he's retiring this year. He gets crucified every Easter Sunday or maybe good Friday a guy that every year he's retiring this year uh he gets crucified every easter sunday or maybe good friday anyways uh every year and he's like looking for somebody to replace him and i'm like good luck buddy he's thinking he's lined up he's retiring he's just gonna like play play golf now yeah he's he's like no more no more crucifixions for me but what's his that his day job it's kind of a yearly event but it's he's like the santa of the mall jesus yeah they do it they do it at metro town yeah i took my kids

to uh the super mario movie this weekend oh yeah? And it was on the Saturday before Easter and it's not very good. Interesting. And this, you know, not to be a hater, but this is my truth. But in the mall they had pictures with the Easter Bunny.

Did you get them done? No. or oh you just saw that they were there that they existed yeah kids wait i'm going in there's really not a lot of lore around the easter bunny uh i know that he fucks that's for sure because uh sure what's the uh convo when you're sitting on his lap like do you have a conversation like between the kids and yeah what are you asking for this easter eggs could i get them in some of that fake hay yeah and get some fried eggs and we'll hang out with your friends we'll eat for eggs with friends fried eggs and chips uh it's the only thing i miss about the outside world. I want to be at that dinner when she's eating fried eggs and chips. It's just blowing her mind.

How was the cave? It was good. It was good. I miss it. Thought about you. What'd you read? I saw a picture of you on the wall. This weird weird thing. could she not read like i mean it's far be it for me to criticize this woman because i don't know if i would be able to read 60 books in 500 days are you kidding me i got out of 500 days and they'd be like what did you do did you do anything aside sleep i'm like no i did i wrote a journal but it got wet so i

threw it away what like was the amount of of sunlight uh a reason she couldn't read at all times i don't know that's a good question i mean she did have people like giving her stuff but nobody could talk to her she uh she needed to be um she couldn't request eggs no she couldn't request anything and she but she also said like even if somebody in my family dies you can't come and like this has to be a constant experiment and there but the scientists were like well why are you making the rules of the experiment i was gonna say because i'm the only one that will do this. When I get out of here,

the first thing I want to do, get crucified every year. I heard there's a, there's an opening. Somebody's retiring. That'd be great. If you were just like a gig worker, stupid experiment to like guys,

vanity, Jesus project. Yeah. then you're santa for december and then you have january take january off was there like a like what's the purpose after the crucifixion like he doesn't know and oh well i mean all our sins are absolved and we go to the kingdom of heaven just oh that's cool that's awesome yeah you're gonna re-up every year uh you know i think people just uh look at it and go holy holy cow man that guy that guy loves jesus uh so gray what's going on with you well the only thing in this past week i have to look up the person's name is uh just to set the stage nathan uh myself and friend of mine alicia tobin i don't know if you've ever met alicia tobin yes she um we had an ongoing thing this started very innocuously where we were trying to slip into regular conversations that the queen

was dead we started out like texting back and forth and saying like oh my god did you hear the queen is dead and just kept that going. And it turned into kind of a prank. Yeah. And she leveled up so hard that it was like, I was flailing. I was absolutely flailing. She could bought me like a thing.

You can like put a soap on the kind of, so that it does, it dries out instead of stays goopy or whatever. And I, and she opened it on in the, on the inside, there was a piece of paper taped to it that said the queen died. So she was like, okay, fuck, she's doing she's, you know, making this, this is going

places. She did it another time where she got she said she was downstairs of my place and needed her spare key and I went down and opened the door she wasn't there. And she said on the phone, she was talking to me, she said oh my god, I can't believe that I was able to she wasn't there and she said on the phone she was talking to me she said oh my god i can't believe that i was able to the queen died and she hung up

so so she's gotten quite good at this she's got me a bunch of times but i've i've very rarely been able to and she was a guest on the show a few weeks ago and told us a few other ways she's gonna get you yeah and you once showed up at the the ice cream store that you were going to meet her at and she was wearing a sweatshirt that said the queen is dead queen is dead on her sweatshirt like she really has gone to uh she's gone to work on this but one of our listeners one of our uh fantastic creative beautiful listeners sent a message saying that she makes like homemade dolls that are used mostly for chew toys is what,

what she kind of sold it as. And she said, I can make you a queen, a dead queen. And, uh, and I'll send it to you. And I was like,

absolutely. This is, I love where this is going. So she sent it. It's amazing. It's such a, did you say her name? Uh,

it's Maggie from Kingston, Maggie from you say her name uh it's maggie from kingston maggie from kingston she she did a fantastic she made it out of like a british streets tea towel so it's like all these like famous british streets and then it looked so good so then i wrapped it up in like a target bag and said that somebody had sent us a dog toy for hank because they didn't know where to send and so then i gave it to her and i unveiled it and at first she said she this didn't count but we reviewed the tapes and it turns out this does count i uh i got her i got her once for her like what was her like immediate reaction she was in denial she was in denial she said she said did she was she upset no she when she was opening up it's like oh that's weird what is it oh my god

it's a dead queen that's when i was like ha gotcha and uh nice yeah it's i mean i'm not going to be able to pull off anything more elaborate than that i feel like alicia's probably got 10 ideas that she's uh workshopping right now and she'll get me again but i feel like i but you hadn't got her at all before this that's right well in the early days of just trying to switch back and forth on the on the text but no she tried she's tried everything it's hard now though because now i'm suspicious if anything's out of the you know ordinary has anything for you if anything yeah anything or yeah like i gotta be on guard but uh she'll catch me she'll she's she's the best you know nathan you're kind of a prankster um what are you like your top i don't know 35 pr pranks. Number 35.

Bucket of water on the door as you come in. Classic. Yeah, that's classic. And then number 34 to 1 is what Graham just did. Oh, yeah. Do you? Boy, it's hard to have. You have to have a very close friend you can prank.

You can't just prank. Oh, no. Like, you can't prank an acquaintance. They'll think you're insane. Do something like that. Someone you've met, like, once. You do an elaborate inside. Try to get an elaborate inside joke going.

And we'll do this back and forth, and we'll keep escalating it. They're like, no. Yeah. I talked to you at the party for, like, five minutes. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you at my window? Not even my door. It's a prank.

It's part of the prank. It's a fake sandwich. But you look it up and inside it says our conversation about how we both, what we do for work. Yeah. What do you do for work? I work at a sandwich store. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever actually pranked anybody.

I do these fake pranks online where I purposely mess them up. But I don't think I've ever genuinely tried. Like you do... What? I make these videos where I go through the drive... I basically go through the drive-thru

as if I'm going to go through... If I'm going to prank the drive-thru person. Like, for example, I did one where I was like, i'm gonna order a big mac at wendy's and then i immediately chicken out and then it's like i'm start crying but i present it as if it's a i don't know why i'm just yeah just a wendy's person know what you're doing uh that i know so basically i just will do it and then that time i felt bad typically i'll do i'll order something that time i felt bad so i like stopped the prank basically and cut that part out i was like i tried to order the the big mac failed it was really awkward then i was like actually i'll just get two cheeseburgers one for me and one for the person who was filming it yeah do you remember like back uh did you ever see the dana carvey show yeah i was just gonna

say the same thing oh there was an ongoing there was a sketch where it was dana carvey and steve corral i think would like uh pay the drive-thru yeah they would like the whole lead up would be like we're about to prank this guy they're getting a ton of stuff and then they hand the money over and then they drive away without the stuff yeah and they're killing themselves laughing that's awesome well i ripped them off yeah well what you know it was it was there to rip off it's no no it's different it's not that you're ripping you're not doing ripping yeah it's it's very uh very genuine no you're not ripping you're not ripping off stop it um should we uh go on to some overheards sure hey there beautiful people i am your favorite author s treyville anderson of we see each other

a black trans journey through tv and you know this is supposed to be a promo for our show fantai and not your book right it's called multitasking i can't with you right now treyville and i have an award-winning show called fantai that we both host and it's a podcast where we dig into the complex and complicated conversations about the gray areas in our lives. Perhaps there is a public figure of some sort. And you're like, oh, that person is so smart and so charming. But you're also like, oh, that person gets on my nerve. OK, OK.

You can catch us every week right here on MaxFun or wherever you get your Slayworthy audio. And you can watch us on the YouTube every Friday. That's Fanti. F-A-N-T-I. Since we reached our highest milestone during the MaxFunDrive, we are creating a MaxFun Foley library full of sound effects from your favorite hosts.

The whole MaxFun community will be able to use it. So, what would you like it to feature? People high-fiving? Walking through mud? Chicken clucking? Jazz kazoo? Head to MaximumFun.org slash Foley. That's MaximumFun.org slash F-O-L-E-Y and submit your ideas. We're excited to make this silly thing together, and even more excited to see what you all create with it. And thank you again for a great Max Fun Drive. Overheard.

Overheard is a segment where we like to share things heard and seen, and we like to do it here on the podcast. We always love to start with our guest. Nathan, do you have something fun you've overheard? Yeah, I do. It's kind of an overseen, but I did interact with the person a little bit today. I was walking down Commercial Drive, where I live. Okay, set the scene. Yes. I'm walking down. It's super sunny. Okay. Set the scene. Yes.

I'm walking down. It's, you know, it's super sunny today. It felt like a summer day for a little bit there. I'm walking down this person in front of me. This guy is having a great time. He's got a backwards hat on.

Cool. He's drinking a beer. Yeah. I like this guy. He, yeah, he's drinking a beer. He's quite far down from me.

And then he turns around at me and goes happy friday and gives me a hang loose sign nice i'm like okay cool this guy's great in front of him like quite a bit in front of him there's a woman pushing a stroller okay he goes over to her and then kind of reaches i'm and then i my alarm bells are going off okay what's gonna go on here yeah reaches inside the stroller i'm like okay what's gonna happen opens it up there's a six pack of beer in there pulls out another beer yeah i was like amazing and that was like his his girlfriend i guess but it was like oh my, this is a pretty cool scene. Was there a baby in there as well? I think there was a baby, but I think he was keeping the beer in the stroller with the baby.

Yeah, babies are really good at keeping things cold. Yes. They're good insulation. Yes. That guy rules. Holy cow. Can you use like a lizard or a cold blooded animal to keep your beer cold? Yeah.

I just keep my beer in like a cooler full of snakes. And I'm going to kill these snakes by making them too cold. So. Exactly. Can you grab us ice for the party? I got something better. Yeah. Remember I told you my place was infested check this out happy friday is a thing uh people will sometimes say it's not a thing it's not like a holiday or

a birthday no it's just like hump day you know oh boy here we are happy friday yeah um i i never have that where you say oh yeah have a good weekend they go this is actually my tuesday or whatever and you're like okay oh yeah such a buzzkill i mean yeah take it in the spirit it was given you know people usually don't have like they'll they will have this is my friday today's my friday but people will rarely have like the the weekdays worked out yeah actually today is my well midnight tonight is my noon on tuesday this is my halloween that's why i'm dressed like this yeah i love it um uh dave do you have an overheard sure um i so i talked about this once on the podcast before there's this uh zed 95.3 the radio station uh the former home of carson kid carson kid carson, sure. They do this thing on their morning show

when we're driving the kids to school that is just a, they ask the person 10 questions that the answers all start with the same letter in 30 seconds. It's called alpha bucks. Okay. And they'll be like,

your letter is G. And then they'll be like, name a color. Great, Gordon uh what's the opposite of bad good right i'd suck at this so much gorilla and sometimes i listen and i'm like these questions are too hard they ask them like they ask a like a question that does not they should just be like super easy to get, but the hard thing is getting them all in three seconds. Um, so they, uh, the other day the letter was Zed of all letters. And that could, I was like, oh, this is gonna be really hard or actually it's going to be really easy because there aren't very many words. Right. easy because there aren't very many words right uh and so the woman who called in they said okay

your letter is z and uh here we go 30 seconds and the first question was this is another word for spicy and she goes zip zip passed so she didn't win she didn't get it you can tell like within the first two questions if the person's

gonna get it zip zip oh man zip zip the answer was zap like it I would give it to her yeah

the hosts are also super like they're they're easy to yeah they're throwing you around to convince but uh what is the the

word uh for spicy zesty zesty yeah uh or zing a perfect question yeah you could say zingy yeah i guess zesty isn't really it's not a one-to-one no yeah yeah it's it's especially when that's the first question it's it's tricky you want to start off on something but she was so close with zip zip it's just one letter well then the third because there's so few Z words so the third question was

use this to like close your pants she's like zinc just waiting for zinc the whole time. Is this zinc? Oh, man. Maya overheard. Isn't overseen.

A badly made poster that I'm not sure what it was for, but the slogan on it said said your eyes will amaze you but uh the maze part was smelled like maze the corn but there was nothing else on the poster to indicate what that why that was chosen it's like a it wasn't like some kind of corn like i stared at it i was like well maybe like this band like maybe i don't know maybe they're in from Iowa. Red hot corn peppers. But yeah.

Anyways, if you guys want to go, it's happening next Friday. My eyes actually could use some amazement. Yeah. Yes. Wow. Now you guys,

it's not just us that has overheards it never is it never is there's also people out there they're waiting on it they're waiting for their turn to be part of it all and if you want to send one into us you could send it into spy at maximum fun.org and this one first one right here from here in vancouver sasha from vancouver i was walking through keresdale where i passed a man was that written clearly no that was improv that was yes and um walking through keresdale when i passed a man who's clearly exasperated with his partner after a moment of reflection he turns to her and says okay let me put it a different way what genre of food do you want noir comedy yeah pre-code

um yeah so what are your favorite genres of foods i feel like if you're with your partner and you say a genre they know exactly the restaurant you're gonna pick that's true yes i want sushi oh from the sushi place we always go to yeah oh it's a couple thing you know yeah i want italian, pizza or pasta? Yeah, that's right. Because pasta, do you ever get pasta delivered or is pasta in restaurant only? What's your take on it? Yeah, it's IRO.

I think it's IRL. I can't think of a time I've gotten pasta delivered. No, me neither. That seems weird because I've gotten noodles delivered before, and that's normal. But pasta feels weird. And pizza, obviously, it's not like it's that different. No.

Yeah. Anyway, pasta is just pizza. That's been gone through a shredder. Yes. That would be the best. If there was a novelty, like shredder that you could put a pizza through and like your kids can have

a rectangular pieces of pizza instead of triangle. I mean, but like, like super thin, like shredder size yes yeah yeah yeah um then you can eat like spaghetti so you're right they are very close together pizza i wouldn't mind that at all it would have to be it'd have to be like thin super thin crust right yeah yeah it's like the hot dog pizza pizza or whatever yeah oh do you mean the hot dog pizza hut pizza or whatever. Yeah. Oh, do you mean the hot dog in the crust?

Yeah. Yeah. I've never had any of those. I've never had the, um, you never had cheese crust, cheese crust. No,

I never did pizza hut. Um, Donald Trump was in one of their, uh, their commercials when the, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

First was first on the scene, but then there was also a guy. He was like a boxer that got knocked out really fast and then he did a commercial where he like takes the pizza slice too fast and hits himself in the face and knocks himself out that's awesome yeah that's good like but it was like those stuffed crust pizzas. The commercial said to eat them backwards. Like eat the crust first. Which is, I guess so. Because they suck. Like they would, if you wait for it to get cold, the crust is going to be so bad.

It's true. Yeah. They were flipping everything. They're creating a new paradigm. It's a pizza head. Do you think they've stopped? No. Do you think we've slowed down as a culture?

Not them. The rest of our culture, maybe. But they're still setting the bar for new things. What's the latest pizza innovation you've seen? The latest pizza innovation that Pizza Hut has brought to the table. Or anyone. Is a box that has three different shelves of pizza that you can have so you've got like one two three you can pull out

whatever kind you want they need to like have it be a waterfall of pizza like if you're gonna have shelves they should be like dripping the top one onto the lower one i agree with this this sounds yeah it sounds wonderful yeah because that like box scenario i guess that's helpful if you are like have an office event you know very much like counter space or something yeah yeah it's kind of like solving a yeah it's a real estate problem you live in like a laneway house yeah it's not big enough for three pizza boxes in here no watch this okay we're ordering from them all the time now what is your have you ever ordered dessert from a pizza place no but i know what dessert you like oh like a lava cake you're gonna say what

were you gonna say graham a lava cake it's the lava cake i love the lava cake i haven't had it in years though but yeah you know it's just waiting there for you, but don't they have like, it doesn't dominoes or, um, doesn't maybe pizza had to have like, uh, cinnamon bread or something.

Yeah. Yeah. They've got cinnamon bread. They probably have a chocolate crust that I don't know about. Easter egg crust, uh, Cadbury cream crust. Um,

this next one comes from, uh, Jessalyn. I'm looking up all the Pizza Hut place desserts. Wasn't there, didn't DQ do like a a treatza? Yeah, I've had that a hundred times.

I've never had that. So, Pizza Hut has, I tell you, Ben and Jerry's ice cream. They also do Cinnabon mini rolls and a giant chocolate chip cookie that looks like it was maybe the size of a pizza.

It's cut into triangle slices. Sounds pretty good if you ask me. It all sounds pretty good to me. You gotta just assume that they got the lava cake. Oh yeah. Yeah. What's the, I love this thing. What is this? My Box. Are you seeing this?

Am I seeing what? It's called My Box. It's got a really weird logo with two hands hugging the logo. Cool. It looks like it's just a little... It says a perfect individual size pizza pan topped with three toppings plus

your choice of side. Five boneless bites sauce. Just how you like. Or fries. Hell yeah. This sounds. This is also. They also have the triple pizza box there too.

Yeah. Nathan, do you just want to put your pork shoulder in the fridge and we'll all go to Pizza Hut together? We'll dine in at Pizza Hut. I've already eaten. Thanks very much. Our next overheard comes from Jessalyn near San Francisco. I live in an apartment

and I had to go to the property manager's office building. It's a sprawling space with several cubicles. While I'm waiting for the person I came to see come and meet me, I noticed three women gathered around a computer screen saying the following things. I mean, you know what a betta fish is, right?

You can keep it at home in one of those like a household dish. And then somebody says, I think they make tanks for them, right? And then somebody sassily says, you could also cook them, bake them, season them. And the last person says, I understand someone asking if they could have a

shark in the apartment, but what did he feel about when they needed to ask about this? So there's a lot of, there's a lot of characters in a play. I hope I portrayed them well as different. Yeah. You didn't, you should have done different voices for them all.

Okay. Back to the top. I was thinking, does anyone like, could you cook with aquarium water? Yeah, you're supposed to. You're supposed to cook and then put a little aside. You put a little bit of the aquarium water

aside for the sauce? Yeah. When you're cooking a goldfish? Yeah, and you want to sprinkle that aquarium gravel liberally. Oh, sure. Get a little of that crunch.

Yeah. Yes. The neon stuff. Otherwise, don't bother, you know. Did you ever own a fish, Nathan? Yeah. No, I never did. Actually, I remember one time going camping and taking, catching a fish and then being like, this could be my pet.

And it died on the way home. That was as far as I got. How big big was it and this was like last year um no it was very small well it actually was like about probably about pet size i took this i could this i caught this huge fish i made it my tinder picture. And then I was like, this is going to be my, my pet. I need to get eight bath of side by side. A surgeon is like super long, right? Yeah.

Sturgeons are long. And then what is the other one? Marlins. They're the ones with the huge point. Yeah. Um, good for them. Yeah.

This last one comes from Mike in Philadelphia. I teach at a in philadelphia and the other day i was walking to class and passed two young women in the midst of a conversation i have no context for what they're talking about i overheard one of them say i mean it's fine be a goth you know but that doesn't mean you can't go to lunch sometimes it's true no you know goth once you're a goth you're you're like done doing daytime meals yeah it's like you might have like a midnight snack kind of thing or like a really spooky dinner uh you skip lunch if you're a goth what are you eating sandwiches get out of here that's insane it's the original intermittent fasting yeah the. The goth diet. Yeah. We have,

uh, my kids have this like, um, Halloween book. It's all about, it's called spooky house. Oh shit. Uh,

it runs out of spooky ideas though. And it's just like throws like whatever ideas together by the end. And there's like, there's one thing where you're in like the kitchen of the spooky house and there's like a bug bake and dead fly pie and vampire juice which looks a lot an awful lot like blood oh i thought it was gonna look like cum but but then there's something uh and then they i feel like they ran out of like spooky food ideas and they just have, uh,

you've, you know, you've fold one of the doors in the book and it says bat sandwich. Amazing. Well, it is no words that are written. And we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one like

these people have hello dave graham and possible guests this is nemo from seattle um as i was crossing the street i was passing by a family of tourists who were on the waterfront, and they were going, I think, probably to Ivar's, the clam restaurant, because, anyway, the older brother said to the younger brother, brother said to the younger brother look i don't think the seagulls are gonna remember you you're older now you look different and you're stupider i got a real good kick out of that the seagulls know they know you can put on a different hat and uh i feel like this kid had like some sort of some kind of seagull trauma last time he was in this neighborhood. Yeah. Have either of you been traumatized by a seagull?

Because it's pretty wild when it happens. I've been victimized by seagulls, yeah. I don't think I ever have. Oh, you got to go down to Granville Island in the middle of the day. Yeah, they'll steal your fries right out of your... They'll steal your bat sandwich. Yeah. I'm not supposed to be eating this at noon.

I'm a bad goth but today i ate a bad sandwich but bad goths get hungry man yeah i don't know that i've been i've had seagulls steal my food and i think i've been pooped on sure uh but it's just life man sometimes life just hands you that you gotta man the beach is horror the beach yeah it's um i've never enjoyed it but uh no that's not true as a kid i enjoyed it as a kid you can make some fun things at the beach but uh sandcastle yeah you make a sandcastle you can go wade into the water you can uh put on goggles and look under the water it's fun it's all things are fun and then

but even as a kid you're like getting manhandled by your parents as they're putting uh sunscreen on you oh my parents just said it's up to you it's up to you if you want to wear sunscreen and i was like okay well i'm not gonna i'm gonna get red as a lobster they were like cool man whatever you want to do uh we want you to be empowered by your decisions is what they said yeah your parents were so you're you went to you had real montessori parents yeah yeah it was a free range kid um all i remember from the beach as a kid is like a lukewarm diet Coke in my mom's bag. Oh yeah.

It was all there ever was. It was just like, Oh my God, it's one of the cold drinks so bad and not being able to get the Sonic, the hedgehog popsicle with the gumball eyes. Yeah. So the gumball eyes, I don't know.

That's so bad. And they're like, no, we have the tub of Chapman's needs a bulletin at home. Yeah. Chapman's is good. I like Chap yeah chapman's is good i like chapman you know how people are like real eyes realize realize i think the guy at the uh uh the ice cream man should be like gumball eyes gumball eyes gumball eyes pretty good it's not though okay here's your next phone call

hi dave and graham and lovely lovely guest this is julie from woodbridge virginia um i was just in my room changing and my 11 year old son came to the door and knocked through the door. I was like, yes. And he said, I have a survey for you. War or peace. And I said, uh, peace. So then I heard him say,

that's five for peace. So peace wins. And then he ran down the stairs and I heard him yell, peace wins. And all of my other kids went, yay. All right. I love this show. Off I go. that's great that's uh war's over if you want it this kid uh really spread the gospel i'd vote war just to have one one voice on the other side well i who knows how many other people voted who knows how many

kids this woman had or the kids just going door by door in the neighborhood yes i'm polling for kids also listeners you don't have to give us every detail now everyone's picturing you changing yeah as soon as she said that that like strip song came out of my head do the whole verse That like strip song came out of my head. Do the whole verse. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Graham. He's up.

Come on. It's too sexy. It's too sexy. I'm just trying to change my clothes. She's changing, but she's not like wearing, you know, tassels on her boobs. How am I to know? How am I to know that? Let's leave that detail out.

The guy who's got the plunger on the end of his trumpet, he's going ham. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, he didn't know that he was writing kind of the happy birthday of stripping at the time alright here's our final phone call hey Dave Graham and guests I'm calling from my name's Jerome I'm calling from Calgary with an overseen

this might be a little blue for the podcast but Dave I think you screen these calls. You'll appreciate this at least. My wife's the nurse. I'm picking her up at the hospital, and I'm just kind of looking around. I'm bored. And there's the sign. It says this is the Prostate Cancer Center, which, you know, of course, is good.

You know, we got to take care of prostate cancer. But it says Prostate Cancer Center, Darryl Dr. Seaman Initiative. Nice. S-E-A-M-A-N. Oh, no friggin' way. Anyways, I'm like, no friggin' way, buddy. No friggin' way. Don't, yeah, I'm not even going to go in there, man. No friggin' way, man. Yeah, yeah, I'm not touching that. no freaking way don't

yeah I'm not even gonna go in there man I'm not no freaking way yeah yeah I'm not touching that Dr. Seaman hello

no freaking way man Seaman what is this Moby Dick yeah that yeah call me you know what

don't even no freaking way no freaking way this guy's dr seaman and he does a prostate what's his first name jizz no it's daryl we thought it was daryl yeah that's right daryl seaman pretty good i don't know i think it's fine then saying it out loud it sounds good to me um well if anyone who calls us from calgary please next time you call tell us what high school you are calling from yeah and also end the call with no freaking way that's all no no friggin way man actually every overheard from here on out yeah friggin yeah no friggin way no friggin way way. No friggin' way, and off I go. That's what we're looking for, so deliver.

Enough of these away I go, I'm on my way. Yeah, no, no friggin' way. No friggin' way. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Nathan, thank you so much for being our guest. This was so much fun. Thanks for having me. This was a blast.

You host a show once a month at the Lido here in Vancouver. When is the next one happening? The next one is happening. And Graham, you're on it. It's on the 18th of April or depending when this comes out, the 23rd of May. Okay. All right. This will come out, I think, around the 17th, 18th, late on the 17 May. Okay. Alright. This will come out I think around the 17th

18th. Late on the 17th. Yeah. So we'll be able to pack some numbers in there. We'll see. Give you the bump. Hell yeah. People go out. Listeners go out there. You'll go to the Lido on Broadway in Vancouver. You'll see Graham. You'll be like no freaking way.

No freaking way. There's no way. Exactly. No freaking way. Also I will say that I'm hosting a show, The Laugh Gallery, on the 28th of April. Just remembered. I was like, oh, yeah, I should plug that. I'm doing the early show. Gina Harms is hosting the late show. She's going to be on my show.

I'm going to be on her show. This is an extravaganza not to be missed. This is the immovable force versus the uh other thing that it does whatever the other thing you're also on twitter at nathan hair nice yes uh you post some very funny videos on there i told you a very funny tweet i liked uh I think Nathan's very funny on Twitter. People should check him out there. He'll be like no friggin way. You see these videos this guy makes? He'll be like no friggin way.

No friggin way. Yeah, check him out because he's oh so funny. And thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you all of you out there. And the name of your podcast one more time. Forgive us. Check it out. thank you all of you out there and the name of your podcast one more time forgive us check it out

that's you and past guest Danica Tebow two hilarious forces combining thank you everybody out there for listening and we'll be back next week for sure even though you're probably saying to yourself right now no freaking way

no way bye don't you end the show another way Even though you're probably saying to yourself right now, no freaking way. No freaking way. No way. Bye. Don't you end the show another way? Yeah, I'll end it the right way. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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