Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 788 - Alana Johnston

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

Comedian Alana Johnston joins us to talk becoming American, topical ointments, and a weird protest.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 788 of stop podcast yourself my name is graham clark with me is a man who he loves soup and i have evidence of this mr dave shumka whoa oh because i ran into you yesterday while i was about to pick up well you're carrying soup yeah uh yeah i thought you came to my house today where i just made soup uh yeah i do yesterday i was picking up a laksa okay and today i was just making some cheap homemade ramen what's a laksa for for our dullard people and myself oh and sure and

maybe i said the wrong word but it's like uh yeah southeast asian kind of curry coconut curry noodley soup that sounds really good yeah all right yeah it's a good thing um our guest today first time guest here on the podcast so excited to have her here she seems to think she's pretty funny it's alana johnston everybody okay the intro was supposed to be she seems to think she's pretty funny it's alana johnston everybody okay the intro was supposed to be she seems to think she's quite funny what did i say pretty funny pretty funny people are gonna be confused because yeah i am good looking so people are gonna be confused she's gorgeous and funny no i'm not trying to focus on my looks pretty comma funny yeah this is what i'm saying so it's got it oh quite funny am i because i don't think i'm

quite pretty i think i'm astronomically pretty yes i think it's off the charts it's off the charts in fact we have turn your camera off it's too distracting it's too distracting i had to turn it off my siblings used to do these uh things where they would totally burn me and then uh they'd be like oh yeah you're funny funny looking yeah yeah and that's oh, yeah, you're funny. Funny looking. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, there should be consequences. You're pretty. Pretty ugly. Ouch.

Yeah. Ouch. You're strong. Strong to smell at or whatever. Strong to smell at. I don't know about that last one. We might want to check in on the sibling that said that. Yeah.

I don't know. We should do a little workshop anyways you know what i think regardless we get them on the pod uh we get them all on here and we confront them yes yeah they've been they've been bugging me they gotta they're like dave get us on the pod we go yeah you're like you have a good podcast voice for a piece of shit you know something something like that and i should do it it should be me who does it it's true it's more cutting it's more cutting i mean i am the knife after all so yeah that's right it is more sure we get to know us sure

get to know us now alana you are the knife uh tell us why you're the knife tell us why you're the knife like well sure it's my podcast persona it was invented on doughboys when i called myself alana the knife johnston where i cut up all the products we are reviewing and i shred i shred them up cut them down to size and then it just stuck and i mean like to the point where i people will see me on the street or I've had this happen in sports games or like wherever there's a lot of people. Or in a pizza shop once and someone's like, the knife. Like, they don't know my name. Oh, right. They just know you as the knife.

They actually don't know my name. Have you ever had it where somebody said the knife and then you're like, who, me? And they're actually just asking for a knife? No, they're holding a knife, going the knife, as in watch the knife. and then you're like, who, me? And they're actually just asking for a knife? No, they're holding a knife, going, the knife, as in watch the knife. Here it comes. I even got recognized on the subway in Toronto once. As the knife? Yes.

And what do you say when somebody says you? I'm an international success. Well, we all knew that. And so gorgeous. It's blinding. You're pretty internationally famous I'm pretty internationally

I say I just go you know it see you later yeah that's what I do that's good I keep it brief

yeah I would do something like chop chop and then this is something I should be like slicing slice them and dice them yeah I need a catchment you need a t-shirt you need like a the knife t-shirt do something like chop chop and then this is something i should be like slicing them slice

them and dice them yeah i need a catch you need a t-shirt you need like a the knife t-shirt you're right i i need and if if you guys are the listeners have any catchphrases tweet me at alana underscore johnston hashtag catchphrase for the knife that's good that's good and if you don't do the full hashtag i'm not gonna know what it's about because if you just say catchphrase you're gonna think in my life yeah slice slice what does this mean oh slice slice what am i talking about uh lunch yeah you know what i mean let's go get a slice let's go get a slice of pizza now we had mike uh mitchell from the doughboys on this show episode 666 uh because he's afraid of the devil. And he was great.

One thing I remember was. He was like. Oh we got to get you guys on the Doughboys. Is he the biggest phony in Hollywood? You know what? He's not. I'm going to tell you this. They have a very long list. No.

I'm a jokester. Well I was going to say. They actually are pretty good at that, at keeping their word. Those guys are pretty good. They're not- Who's the worst in Hollywood? Oh, me. No, we can't be. It's such a flake.

I'll be like, you guys should come on my podcast. And I just won't press record. It's like, whatever. You want to talk to me, line up. I get it. I'm not letting people hear me talk to me line up i get it i'm not i'm not letting people hear me talk to you that's embarrassing so me i'm the worst one okay i would have thought jeez i don't know who i would have thought would be a bigger flake pat sajak yeah and it was either that or hugh jackman so it was you think hugh jackman's a flake no i think i don't think so

because look at all the movies he shows up to do yeah he seems like a real professional to me you know who i who i think is a real fake or flake and kind of a fake bill murray i think bill murray's a flake i think i think he's over it yeah i think he's fucking over it yeah like just all of it the industry everything i wouldn't be surprised if he you know blew off interviews or like stuff like that. Cause I'm like, he's done. Yeah.

And he's done. He acts like pretty crazy on set. And when I say he seems done, I'm not talking about a skillset. I'm talking like mentally he's checked out. Like he's like, I'm famous. I have so much money,

but he'll, but he'll flake out and then he'll just show up tending bar at some weird tiny bar somewhere exactly well he needs some money because he blew off that movie so he has to go work a shift at the bar he's he's uh he's a lot and he's a lot so he's on this podcast he's yeah leaving stepping out to get drinks and snacks. Yeah. I haven't before. Yeah, exactly. We don't need Twizzlers, okay? Yeah.

Yeah, we don't need to hear you eating Twizzlers. But doesn't he have like a, he has like a 1-800 number or something that you can call if you want to get in touch with him. Because he doesn't have an agent. He doesn't have an agent. He has a lawyer. He has a lawyer. Yeah. He doesn't have like.

He's like, yeah, he's the people's movie star. It's so relatable. I have a lawyer. I don't have an agent. He's a lawyer. He's a lawyer. Yeah. He's like, yeah, he's the people's movie star. It's so relatable. I have a lawyer. I don't have an agent. I have. Oh, no. My lawyer had a stroke. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Are they okay? Yeah. He's I got a. Yeah, I got a check in. See, he's okay. That's good. I should get that on my list.

Yeah. Long list. Yeah. What's on your to do list? Check in with your stroke lawyer. Okay. Let me look. I'll tell you what's on my list. Yeah. Long list? Yeah. What's on your to-do list? Check in with your stroke lawyer. Okay. Let me look. I'll tell you what's on my list right now.

Let me bring it up. Okay. Well, this podcast. Okay. Cross that off. Let's get, I have, okay, purchase item for a six-layer dip. Because you know how there's a seven-layer dip? Couldn't figure out what that last layer is.

So it's not in there. Okay. Just the six. I have actually a list my to-do list is seven items and they're all the layers of a dip i'd love to hear your your dip layers let's see how they can create a mine actually please fire off okay uh refried beans i've yes check uh weird that you're stalling when the list is in front of you well no i can't imagine what's going on here sorry i have very bad handwriting okay yeah so refried beans we

barely spelled that out pudding yeah vanilla yes check vanilla pudding yeah vanilla pudding okay uh check gummy bears yeah oh yeah for the crunch yeah gotta get that gummy what they're known for the crunchy part another layer of refried beans but these ones are re-refried okay so we're a hot bean if you will served hot yeah yeah served hot but also in the middle well surrounding the crunch it's a crunch sandwich yeah oh yeah delicious yeah on one side you got those crunchy gummy bears and above um dirt but like you crushed up oreo dirt yes oh that's good yeah you have a butterscotch layer

or what what are we talking no come on this is mexican oh sorry okay yeah do me a favor and actually be insane right now actually lose your mind could you do that for me could you just really quickly could you could you just lose your the top layer is really hard because you have to like it's lip balm but you gotta like squeeze it out of all the lip balm stuff and then smooth it out you know you know i'm not hearing at this point in time shredded cheese what are we topping this thing off you're saying lip balm you're topping off on a smooth substance how are they supposed to break that no i just want it and they they shouldn't it's i no one can come near it okay so for viewing only yeah okay we'll say that next time yeah well yeah um it's got a note when it's in the fridge right daddy's daddy's dip daddy's little dippy

no what let's see if we can actually do it refried beans cheese in no particular order sour cream guacamole um boy it's like would people would you count like a layer of onions on top as a layer so i have black or black olive slice for on top that is what i would most commonly see you could do people sometimes do the um green yeah yes is that a layer too does that count i don't count that i would count that because it's not a full layer it's a sprinkling but same with the the olives i i find i would put more olives than onions though that's why i would count it as a layer now did you say salsa fresh salsa oh maybe i forgot yeah yeah fresh salsa yeah right yeah so it's that's what i've got so that's my six layers but i you're right the seventh might be the onion that could be it now this is rude of me to ask

what is this layer dip for what are you putting this together for playoffs and nhl playoffs and well we're clippers fans because that's the team here and that's how we see the raptors when they come right and then we are still leaf fans for no reason at all absolutely because we love garbage this we are talking about is a huge gang of people or this is you and your partner who is well the we is all the canadians here oh i see all the Canadians. So it's like, we'll go see Raptors games, a group or people, a big group will come over it. And then the Clippers isn't all the Canadians. That's specific to some American friends too,

that are from other places, but that's, these are the tickets you can afford because Lakers tickets are insane. Yeah. They're unaffordable. So you can't see the Raptors when they come. So you have to go to clippers games okay okay yes so that's what i'm talking about i'm talking about like the canadian

pals i have here the americans don't care so you're hosting you're hosting a viewing or a lot of hosting okay so that's what i'm i'm planning so when the playoffs are on are you is it like every night that you're it's every other night open invite so sometimes one friend will drop in and a bigger game you'll have like for example for super bowl there's like 15 people here big event now the super bowl is leafs versus raptors this year right so that must have been huge so super bowl so yeah because what happens is everybody kind of goes how's this gonna go so everybody wants to see yeah yeah i don't even know if they have the right gear how's this gonna go yeah yeah so we have to see yeah let's just lean back and let it happen let's just let it happen what is that song tam and paula let it happen yeah yes exactly yeah it's a duo tam and paula

yeah so wait what are you guys sports fans and do you do group viewings? I was in love with the Canucks. Yeah, I love hockey and no, I don't do group viewings. My hockey is very personal to me. I have been struggling emotionally for my whole life following this team and living and dying with their ups and downs and uh i don't want to be in like a bar with drunk people watching it yeah the bar i very rarely are you going to get me to watch a game at a bar very like we watched world cup at a bar at a couple of bars we went to

a few games that was pretty fun because i don't have a lot of stakes in it right a game I care about that I'm like intensely watching I like to go live if I can because that's going to be more fun obviously but it's like if it's something and I need to pay attention to like the rules where I'm not understanding like I can't invest unless I know what's happening and I know the drama of it all that's the truth I need to know who's the rival what this guy fought this guy or this guy loves this guy's wife like this is what i think you need the inside scoop i need the inside scoop or else i'm out i need to know who's a flat earther like i need to know these things oh i can't yeah i can't know that really so you're not because it will affect well because i team no because i feel like every pro athlete is kind of an idiot.

Like kind of. Yeah. Well, just like, you know, someone who left college after one year and became a millionaire at 19 and plays sports 12 hours a day. Yeah. Might not have the same worldview as me. And I might disagree with them about a few things, but I have to cheer for them because they're on the team I love. So I don't want to know anything about them. You know what? That's a that's a really good point. with them about a few things but i have to cheer for them because they're on the team i love so i don't want to know anything about them you know what that's a that's a really good point usually

the ones that you'd want to get to know become hosts anyways or commentators that's true like you know the ones that can talk and really maintain a good solid conversation they will get into the industry anyways and the rest of them are fine they know how to spend their money they're famously good with money very good with money so they're fine you don't have to worry about them there's a guy on the canucks named jt miller uh and his nickname for for a few first couple years he was here was jimothy timothy uh pretty good and then i would say jtt jonathan taylor johnman oh well you would yes actually yes i just did yes i would but last year he last year he was wearing like a thin blue line uh police hat and so people started calling him blue lives miller that's pretty good it's fun

first of all that's a great nickname yeah that's fantastic but that was when james harden had on a cloth mask like like you know those neck ones and you pull them up right yeah because he has that big beard so his was a blue lives matter one but he didn't according to him he didn't know it he was like i thought it looked cool and he had like no clue so i was like they're both bad yeah it's that you're supporting it or you're so fucking stupid look at this crazy tattoo i got like that like a swastika and he's like i love lines like what the fuck what is your problem and the blue lives matter stuff is cool looking i gotta admit it yeah but you're a public figure you have so many reps

around you somebody has to tell you these things like you have to pay someone to go tell me i'm wrong have the strength you have to pay someone to do that yes but yes boss right away boss but you gotta admit pranking somebody is pranking somebody is pretty good say you know is this this is bad and going no not as far as I've heard no you're right this was a pretty good prank honestly they got him and they got him good

the the guy JT Miller every time I see his name my brain flips it to TJ Miller yeah why is he in the news again because he's calling it another bomb threat to the arena he's like here's a bomb get out it's me jtt whatever you guys are good jimmy neutron what a crazy twist on his story yeah i know i just talked about him the other day a friend of mine

brought him up um an old um chicago pal oh yeah brought him up and we were coming up at the same time and uh i hadn't thought about him in so long and she was like remember when he did this remember when he did this and it was like this whole list where you're like oh the signs were all there the whole time right you just didn't see them yeah but i gotta say the signs are there for a lot of people, especially in comedy. Yeah. That's true. Especially in Chicago. Ton of names,

ton of names flying off the handle. Is that right? Chicago? Oh, listen, it's everywhere. Yeah. Everywhere. But I'm talking creepy old teacher and you're young female coming into the

class and that, you know what I mean? I'm kind of like, yeah, from the jump when I was 19, it was there. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah of like, yeah, from the jump when I was 19, it was there. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. But that's everywhere. I should say. It's just, my experience was there. My first experience with it. Cause I left Chicago right after I graduated or sorry, left to Chicago right after I graduated school in Toronto.

I only did one year like a basketball player. Yeah. And then I left to pursue my life as a basketball player in Chicago. So it was very like, but you don't know it when you're in it. Sure, you guys cannot relate to this, but I'm sure some of your listeners can. You don't know it when you're in it. You're like, oh my God, this means I'm funny. Look at all the attention on me. They think I'm cool and funny and I'm in. then you look back and you're like oh no no no no no yeah shit

you were 15 years older than me we should not have been hanging out in this casual way just because I was funny there should have been a line yeah at that at that point in the game different when you're the door of the classroom being the line yeah exactly once you're out of that and you know you're older like

whatever numbers don't matter then I get that but at that point i'm like and brand new to a city i'm like come on let's let's be let's stop and i really need to apologize to our listeners who only did one year of college that sounded stupid i yeah i did because then you found out about me and look how famous i am i'm on your podcast look i barely got into college but when i did oh boy it was hard to get me to leave on it that has to be the funniest thing i've ever heard somebody say about college honestly hard to get me to leave i was like the van wilder of my campus was it like um burt kreischer was like way back in the 90s. Rolling Stone did like a profile on him as the kind of like ultimate frat guy. Like the guy.

Oh, yeah. He was the basis for Van Wilder. Yeah. And he. Oh. In that article, he had been there way long. I thought you were going to say he was like a problem. You're going to go into the problematic route.

Hey, look, anything's possible, right? Look, I don't know. He takes his shirt off pretty easily. Who knows what else is going on? What if he's super self-conscious? He puts on another pair of pants every time he takes his shirt off. Yeah, you never know what this guy's going to put on his body. He'll put on any clothing.

That would be a great marketing tool if you're a comedian. Yeah. This guy's going to add layers. He's like a nacho dip. It's kind of like prop comedy, but just with clothes. You come out with your little duffel bag. It's got all your little outfits in it.

You can do one of those quick change tents. Do one of those. That can be part of it. And then the reveal and then the joke that goes with the outfit. I love those acts. The quick change act. This is what I'm saying about going to the live sports love those acts the quick change act oh my god at the this is what i'm saying about going to the live sports games that halftime act like you'll see coolio oh my god they had the quick change people they have a little dog and guy on balls like they have

you'll see coolio so much fun you you can't even imagine who you're gonna see here coolio every time yeah he's left us though it's coolio every time wow he's still showing up no we're literally seeing a ghost here people okay not coolio not coolio lana's got some pretty bad seats she thought that guy was Coolio from up there. It was Dave Coolier. I said the first, you know what's really funny? Me saying Coolio, I said the first artist I could think of, and it was Coolio. I was like, yeah, they have, like, in my head, I was like, yeah, yeah, singers, like, they have them all the time.

And then I said Coolio. Like, I couldn't even name one song if I tried. Come on, Gangster's Paradise? Yeahsters paradise that's true yeah i i you know what i bet i would have come to that if you had given me some dangerous minds hints i bet you i would have come yeah you would have yeah absolutely i would have needed a hint though i would have needed a hint. Yeah. Well, next time, next time. Alana, did you see Dangerous Minds and how did it affect you? I did. And it really affected me because I related with all the characters. I caused a lot of trouble for myself in school.

And I thought, okay, this is the kids. Yeah. Except I'm doing it all. And then in terms of my teacher, yeah, a lot of them were white. So that sorts that with Michelle Pfeiffer. And, you know, I did have a bit of a dangerous mind. Also a beautiful mind, Russell Crowe. Oh, yeah.

I forgot the beautiful mind. That's the sequel to the dangerous mind. Well, that is the sequel to the dangerous mind. So that I would say I loved the movie. I was like, oh, my God, this is what real school is. Because in my school, it's like you know you got a cow breaking into the field there goes recess so it's like it was so cool to see a different kind of where are you from i'm from a small town i went to school in at a school called

caledon in caledon caledon east it was called elementary school and it was like farm country like off a dirt road type of thing farm country how did you get from there to toronto then toronto to chicago how did this happen yeah so basically my parents they sold their house and like retired as teachers and then became realtors and the rest of our family like uncles and grandparents and stuff were all in toronto so my parents just like moved there right I was already out of the house and they moved there and then um and then we just there was no reason to go back to that town everybody was out of the house at that point right plus a cow was running wild yeah

and then I just dropped out of school and went to Chicago because my brother was like it's the improv capital of the world without ever having gone and I was like great i'm in and then i just went were you part of a second city in toronto i had just done classes okay so you just went to chicago just just yes dove right in yes that's amazing that's amazing and then i came back because i wanted to get paperwork like a green card yeah paperwork because listen to this story I don't know if there's a rhyme or reason to this podcast, but I'm going to tell you the story anyway. There certainly isn't. Okay, so Conan, you know how Conan would go to different cities

and do like a week in a city? So he was doing a week in Chicago. And I'll never forget this. Sharna Halpern, God rest her soul, with Coolio. She's alive. So Sharna Halpern had asked me and another canadian

to do a bit because it was a bit about it was like a sketch or something like that with something with a canadian and i was like oh my god i'll do it but we weren't able to work it was just like taking classes you know like legally just taking classes um like student and we we weren't allowed to do it because they have to legally pay because i was like i'll do it for free and it's like they have to pay whatever so i was so devastated by that that i was like i'm moving back home and getting it and i'm going to get a green card and then i went back home became the star of a kids tv show that got me the paperwork i needed to get my green card come to the states ended up doing conan three times shit that's amazing were you just bits not as an act but just the bits with him that's amazing yeah so it like it what i didn't get to have i ended up

getting it in a way better way that's amazing that's great yeah but yeah so that's how i got everywhere and you you just gl, we went right over it, but you were part of a kid's show here in Canada. It was, tell us all, tell us for the people who have never heard or seen it. Yeah, so it's called That's So Weird. I was on it. It ended like about, you know, more than 10 years ago,

very long time ago. It was on YTV? First job. It was on YTV, first job. It was like all that with Amanda Bynes. It was like a 30 Rock meets Mad TV type of thing. I love it. And I was running a television network.

And then we had to do the sketches of the shows that were on the network. And that was the premise of the show. That's a pretty good premise. You got to admit for a kid's show, that's pretty high minded. It was cool. It was like when we were in the office as the people running the network we were like our sponsor was jamco as if it was like ge like in 30 rock and we were like you guys jamco needs a new show it needs it now that mean a leopard shirt pretending i'm 16 when i was like 24 meanwhile i'm the creepy teacher. I got all these tweens up my butt.

Now, you know, now that was like revenge when I moved. That was revenge. They were like, now it's your turn. That's amazing. And you, a couple of cast members have been past guests on this year. Kayla Lorette is in town right now. I'm in for, I might not have said it. I'm in LA and Kayla Lorette is in town right now on a gig yeah I asked her about you because I was like oh they said that you'd done the podcast and she's

like oh my god it was great and I was like great but you said that your friends James and Kayla had done it so I asked her yeah and uh yeah that's uh James Hartnett in uh Toronto is there I don't remember maybe I know the other cast members that were on it. I have no idea. Okay. So, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa. What if you list a bunch that you don't know? Is that just going to be an awkward end of the conversation? I'll know one of them for sure. I'm not. Here we go.

Here we go. I'll name the one you might know from standup. Hannah Hogan. Yes, I know Hannah Hogan. Perfect. Let's cap it at that. Yeah.

Nice. We nailed it. You got it. You nailed I know Hannah Hogan. Perfect. Let's cap it at that. Nice. We nailed it. You got it. You nailed it. You got it. How many years was this show on? Three years. Three years.

Yeah, three years. And then that gig allowed you to submit for the paperwork to go down to the States. Yes, I had the money and I had the credits. And the power. I had the power. I had the awards. I had everything I needed. How long have you needed how long have you been in la and how many awards did the show win we won a canadian comedy award ensemble yeah we did it which is insane we were a kid show and we won it was madness and then i was nominated for some screen what a canadian screen award sure nice gemini at the time anyways just to really date me yeah yeah

and then yeah and i left pretty much at the end of that show so i've been gone about um 11 12 years old oh shit so la very much is home i mean mean, I became a citizen. Yeah. Did you really? Yeah, I'm dual. So what, how, tell me, what did they do? A swearing in? That was during the pandemic. Oh my God. It was a total fucking nightmare. It was during the pandemic.

You have to study all these questions like geography and history and like all that kind of stuff. I had a friend that went to Harvard quiz me, right? I took it pretty seriously. It was Conan O'Brien. And then, so get this. So this is in the height of covet so it's like we're all sitting chairs apart mass on you know the whole the whole to do the whole to do but i'm in like a business outfit because you have to dress professional for this so i'm waiting there i get there at. Everyone's going ahead of me for their interviews.

I'm the last interview of the day. I get in at 4 p.m. Haven't had a sip of water. No food or drink allowed in this area. The security guard slipped me a tiny package of crunchy gummies, as you know. Slipped me sneaky Welch's, sneaky to me. And he was like, eat this. Because he felt so bad for me.

Wow. So I go in. I'm so glad I'm telling the story i go in and she's very short with me um because it's the last interview of the day the room's empty it's just me so it's the last interview of the day so she asked me some of the questions i i get them all right the like history questions i'd really studied okay great then we do the written part and i had to write the president lives in the white house but i wrote president joe biden lives in the white i thought you had to say who the president was i was about to press submit and then i was like wait a minute and she just was staring at me blankly and i was like oh

this is wrong like she thinks i'm an idiot so i changed it very quickly also i almost failed that that's more was joe biden the president at the time yes but you just write the president like i put in more words and i would have failed even though he is the president you would have failed for that yes because it's comprehension it's you don't comprehend yeah what. What don't you comprehend about this? You know what I'm saying? They're going, you don't understand anything I just said to you. Right.

That's like one of the tasks. Then they go through your travel record. You have to do everything where you've lived, traveled, last five years, everything. So I've traveled a lot. Went to Portugal, a couple of big trips, right? Hard to track in your passport. I write it all down. She goes, what happened at the border in 2016?

I go, what? What happened at the border in 2016? I sit in silence. I'm like, thank God I have a mask on because I'm sweating it. It's bad. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. And then I go, oh, you mean when I almost, I almost brought an apple across the board and she went, yes. In my record, the apple incident of 2016, in my record, in my record.

It might have been 2019. It's one or the other. Either way, it was pre-COVID. Pre-COVID, I got pulled to secondary inspection, missed my flight all because there was an apple and they went well you lied you were bringing in produce i went my mom packed that lunch i didn't even see it so it was all my mom's fault wow and then at the very end she passed me then gone and she went you'll come for your ceremony tomorrow 10 a.m i was like okay so i go for the ceremony the next day same outfit it's the only professional what i have i go to the same i go to the secure uh go through i go outside they're doing it outside everybody's spaced apart so the guy's yelling the instructions

and he goes first of all i basically joined the army i'm not joking i had to say i would go it's this european woman in her 70s looks over at me she has no clue what's happening she looks at me he's so confused like are we going to war i was like i don't know what's happening. She looks at me. He's so confused. Like, are we going to war? I was like, I don't know what's happening. The guy holds up our naturalization form and he goes, you see this, this is your passport. If you leave this country and they take you, that's fine.

But you are not getting back in like screaming at us, how we're not going to get back in the country. It was horrifying. Anyways, I got it. I'm fine. And it was the most dramatic experience of my life that's so that's my story do they make you they don't make you uh like drop your other citizenship you like you they don't recognize it oh really they will never

see me as dual i am only american whoa okay and now i have to pay taxes in both countries for the rest of my life jeez so even if i move back to canada if i'm making money here i have to file the taxes wow yeah that's where they get you but it made it easier for travel that's why i did it yeah yeah your story about the apple going through uh customs reminds me when my mom packed some chili for me and the security couldn't figure out my god they could not figure out if this was a solid or liquid the person that i was talking to like went into secondary inspection was like we're not sure that this is allowed to go on the plane he brought over somebody from another line they both kind of fumfered around it they. They brought their supervisor over.

They brought the chili sniffing dog. The chili sniffing dog, of course. Wait, so what happened? What'd they say? They eventually agreed that it was a liquid and couldn't go on the plane. Could you not pour out the liquid part of it? I completely disagree. I completely disagree.

Completely. Yeah, it was, I think they were going under the rule of it. I completely disagree. Uh, yeah, it was, uh, I think they were going under the, uh, rule of thumb. If you poured it into a container, it would take the shape of that container. What, um, oh, what about seven layered it? What do you think that is? No, you're not getting on the plane with seven layered it. You're not? No way, Jose.

Well, you're forgetting, of course, you know what, Graham, you're right, because Dave, you are forgetting the water layer. Yes, the juice. You forgot the juice on, you are forgetting the water layer. Yes. Juice. You forgot the juice on the bottle. You forgot to mention the juice. You leave it for a while. There's a bit of juice.

What if you just brought the one layer that is olives? So wait, I'm sorry. Okay. So a seven layer dip with one layer, or can we just say you brought olives? Well, seven layer, but it's seven layers of olives. But if olives, they're probably in a liquid. You're not bringing those across dry. No, no, no.

I'm sprinkling. Oh, you're sprinkling them on your luggage. So it's a sprinkling of seven layers of olives. On to my luggage, yeah. Okay. On your luggage. I flew last month and I was thinking about, like it was, this all started, I mean, 9-11 happened.

And then there was the shoe bomber, uh, who tried to light his shoes on fire. So that's why we all have to take our shoes off. Uh, and then there was like a group of terrorists who all had a little bit of a liquid that they were going to combine on the plane to make, okay.

Combining, make an explosive, uh, teamwork. And so now you can't have any liquid. But I feel like ever since then, the silver lining of that is there's so many bottle filling stations in airports now. Yeah, that's true. There never used to be any.

Touche. I hate doing the fountain. I love when it's the standing one. You just press the button. I love it. And it tells you how many bottles of water have been taken off the streets because of you. Isn't that nice? Taken off the streets.

Isn't that nice? Like it's a gun buyback program. Yeah, like dangerous minds. What was so dangerous about their minds? I don't remember that part. Oh my God, because they think like the streets. Yeah. I honestly, I was too young to really grasp the concept of the movie

i was just like they're in trouble now this teacher takes no nonsense yeah exactly she uh she wore a leather jacket she was a marine wasn't she she was an ex-marine well like me now oh yeah where did you have to serve just in america or did you have to go overseas somewhere yeah i i went to i'm i went overseas yeah i went to canada you were a couple of seas for a couple of seats you were stationed in canada i was stationed in canada so far yeah hard for me did you say candahar no no no close very close candahar um yeah wow so i've never sworn in for anything i've never been sworn in i've never like you know i've never been on trial or anything it was a trip yeah it was it was a trip you haven't taken the hippocratic oath no because i'm uh i don't have my papers so i just have you done i just do surgeries on the on the in my free time that It's not. What is Austin 316?

Is that do unto others before they do unto you? Oh, yeah. No, it's Austin just opened a can of whoop-ass. Yeah, whoop-ass. Yeah. That's what 316, it's not an actual verse from the Austin Bible that you're doing? No, no, that is the verse. He just opened a can of whoop-ass.

That is what it is. Just like God so loved the earth. And who said suck it? A lot of people. I mean, people from the 70s forward. It was The Rock. It was like, can you smell what the suck it's cooking? For a while, he was going by Dwayne the Suck Johnson.

Yeah, exactly. So ituck Johnson. Yeah, exactly. So it was him. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. And so you've been in LA for like 12 years. And what, like, are you in a place that's easy to get around in? I feel like I have friends that are in places that are very easy to get around in. And then places that just seem impossible to get in and out of.

Yeah. I'm in, I'm in a house by, um, out by Dodgers stadium. So all the highways are there. Very easy. I'm central to all my friends.

Nice. Very easy to get around, but that was, you're the place to go to watch sports. Yes, we are. We're cause we are literally, and we have a street with lots of parking and And that's another problem in LA, right?

Parking will deter you from going to somebody's house or going to a bar or something like that. If it's like too far to take a lift. If you like to drink and drive. No, no, no. I mean like parking like in general, like sober. Sure. Yeah. You're just like, I don't know.

And yes, if you like to drink and drive, you're right. It's the perfect opportunity to go out. I really like to drink and drive you're right it's the perfect opportunity to go out i really like to drink and drive yeah we're like tourists we we like go to different countries and drink and drive there i was like scared straight from drinking and driving because in my town that's how you die oh sure on the roads the hilly and the black ice as you know oh people die in all kinds of places from it all the the time. Yeah. It was just at a young age. Like I'll never forget a teacher at my school. All four of her sons died in a drinking draft. No.

Yeah. Cause they were all in the car together. Oh wow. I just like that horrified me. I was like in grade eight. That made it real. That's like very, very real.

No jokes. No jokes for me with that. The, the one in my school was, because i was from i'm from calgary and a lot of people would teenagers would like ride in the back of somebody's truck right like okay like open yeah in the back of the truck and one of the one of the kids from my school bounced out and died and so that became like foreboding after that I don't I didn't see anybody in the

back of a truck it was like it went more people have died we've mentioned more deaths in this episode than any episode ever and it's just been in the last minute and that is thanks to me and I you know I am the knife you knew

between those kids you went to school with and Coolio. And Coolio. Poor Coolio. As we know. Showing up. Coolio who became a juggalo late in life. From Coolio to

juggalo. The Coolio story. Yeah, I think I'm probably going to become a juggalo the coolio story yeah i think i'm i'm probably gonna become a juggalo on my deathbed as well yeah that's uh yeah that's exciting that'll be exciting for everybody yeah well actually this relates back to coolio have to take an oath to become a juggalo he did he had to swear on a bottle of fago that he would he would forever be in a can of fanta in a can of fanta and a bottle of fago going on he had one on each yeah one on each there's a lot going on for coolio so you can see he barely was able to sneak in that halftime performance that's right yeah and he's there every day and he's there every day he's so busy it's like like billy joel doing like a residency where he's there every day. And he's there every day. He's so busy. It's like Billy Joel doing a residency where he's there every night.

Do you still perform live or are you strictly? Yes. Yeah? What do you do? Where do you do it? I have some. I do UCB, Upright Citizens Brigade. Nice.

They opened in the fall. So I have a show there tomorrow night. Doing some shows there. The Largo. Yeah. At Coronet. Yeah. So I'm doing some shows there The Largo at Coronet so I'm doing some shows with Mae Martin you might know Mae

fellow Canadian I do some shows with them and then there's another theater called Dynasty Typewriter I don't know if you know it some shows there and stuff like that and then a couple other like rando shows in rando play like these are

all improv are you doing sketch these are all improv all improv i kind of yeah when i i used to do improv in toronto then i started doing sketch when i got to la because it was like easier and then to like to get shows doing sketch here it was easier improv was more competitive more people trying to do improv so it's kind of a numbers game for me okay and um and then solo characters trying to do the snl route type thing sure and and then post pandemic i was like fuck and i'm going back to improv that's way way easier. And I've been having a blast. See, that's nice to hear. A blast.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what are you guys doing? Like, it took a while for these shows to get going. Like, it was like, there were no shows, or if there were, because all the celebs were available from also not working during the pandemic. They were all doing the shows because everyone needed new material. So it was a slog at the beginning. And now we're back to normal

but what about you guys like what are you guys i mostly do arms expert i'm doing like touring around arms expert around town i'm sometimes on the arm sometimes i'm the guy in front uh okay perfect yeah it's good you can do both i can do yeah get yourself a man who do both uh i do zip zap zop you know i have a Zip Zap Zop tattoo With Bestelli and Mo Welch We each got one guess which one's mine You're Zop Of course I'm Zop

I've got it it's right here on my If my boob wouldn't fall out I'd show you it's right here on my side That's so funny Sorry my life man If my boob wouldn't fall out you'd see my Zop You make me sick Okay. If my boob wouldn't fall out, you'd see my zop. You make me sick. I don't know what else to tell you.

Sorry, man. You've trumped the knife. Yeah. That's what the show's called, Stump the Knife. Yeah. Do you ever go to Boston Pizza and get nonstop zop? You know, I did used to go to Boston Pizza and get non-stop Zop? You know, I did used to go to Boston Pizza a lot growing up. There was one in my town, not too many restaurants to select from,

and we went there all the time. Yeah, because they would allow teens, right? Yes, and teens were working there. Tons of my friends worked at Boston Pizza. Yeah. One of my first dates with my wife, we went to Boston Pizza, and the guy who served us was 12. We swear to God he was 12 if he was a day i bet i honestly i bet i would i would love to be uh to have a 12 year old server because if you tip you don't have to tip very much to wow what 12 year old yeah and they'd be like uh what can I get you? And I'd go, do you need help?

Just wink, wink if you need help. Did you know this is the international symbol for I've been kidnapped? Oh, really? The thumb tucked in and closing your fingers around it. And then they close your fist. Did you know that? Do you know that if you do this, you squeeze your thumb, your gag reflex goes away? No.

It's true. Wait, I'm going to go find i'm gonna go find i'm trying to do it i'm trying to do it right now i don't really know how to gag no no like you can't you can like put anything down your throat without gagging that doesn't there's none of this checks this is like i say it now like i'm setting you up to fail. Like this is a prank. Yes, it does. It just feels like that. This is my understanding. So if I get to set tomorrow, if I arrive on set tomorrow and they say, just do your thing and I do this and it doesn't work. What set are you working on tomorrow? Yeah.

What are you working on tomorrow? Oh, a porno, a porno shoot. I don't know the name of the movie. I just show up on the day. The Gangmasters 5000. I think we know what it of the movie. I just show up on the day. Gangmasters 5000. I think we know what it's called. It's called Coolio's Cock. The Rise and Fall of a Legend.

The Rise and Fall. That's really good. That is good. That was funny. Come on. You got to give me that. I will. I will.

My kids, they get hot lunch in school, and it's like a rotating selection. But on pizza day, they all get an individual Boston pizza. Shit. Pant size pizza. Pant size. Yeah. Personal pant size. Personal pant.

Excuse me, money bags. Yeah. Sitting here and getting full pizzas for the kids. Yeah. What would you, what would you get? There was like a fun thing from the cafeteria. Like for me, it was hot dogs. Oh my God. Okay. kids yeah what would you what would you get that was like a fun thing from the cafeteria like for me it was hot dogs oh my god okay the the chicken sandwich day it was wednesdays it was the best

crispy chicken sandwich like you know a breaded chicken oh and the fries were amazing and you'd upgrade to a poutine and my mom would give us money and we would only be able to buy that on wednesdays every other day was handmade lunch. But that it was the thing. That was the thing. Nice. And I would dip the fries in mayo. Oh, sure.

With the poutine? Just get another. Yeah. Not with. No, no, no. The empty fries. You know how you'll have poutine. You'll get through a good thing. But then on the side, there's always the ones that don't get any of the gravy or cheese or whatever.

Yeah. Those ones get dipped in mayo. Not with the poutine. That's too much. But that's smart to have like a plan b on the for the ones on the edges because i i'm always caught out you know that's what i'm saying is that there's always the plain ones and you're like but it's like no no you gotta you just gotta have part two of the dip here yeah i have the same thing with nachos like what do you do with the loser nachos that don't get any cheese now how are you making

your nachos because i do a flat pan and Now, how are you making your nachos? Because I do a flat pan and I thin them out. I'm talking about in a restaurant when they don't. Oh, okay. Unavoidable. Yeah. But like, yeah, of course I do it on a cookie sheet and then I transfer it to this tray from Ikea.

I do it on a wax paper so that you can move the paper onto the tray. Smart. Yeah. Okay. Now here's a question I have for you guys about etiquette. If we're talking snacks here. We are. Movie popcorn.

We love it. We love this stuff. Do you cut the hole in the bottom before you get it or do you bring your own? Then you got to tuck in that thumb,

let me tell you. First of all, tuck in that thumb if your popcorn's been kidnapped. But basically what I'm asking is this, because you know now the new thing they

do is you have to add your own butter you know the pump right oh that's additional but they also will give you butter at the here's the thing where i go they don't you have to add it now this is what i want to start doing tell me if i'm out of order i i want to say can you fill the bag in the halfway then i go do my pump then i come back and i go now can you fill the bag in the halfway? Then I go do my pump. Then I come back and I go, now can you finish it? And then I go do the second layer pump. Because this is what I'm saying. When you eat that first part, it's delicious. And then you get to it with no butter.

And it's just not as good. And you've paid how much money for this popcorn? Yeah, yeah. If it's not busy. If it was super busy, I could see them being like, no. If it's not busy, though, I don't think it's a problem. I think it's great. Okay.

I saw a viral video of a guy. I saw the same one. Wait, what? He's basically doing cocktail tricks by scooping popcorn. Oh, my God. At a movie theater, right? Yeah, at a movie theater. And he's like flipping around the boxes and doing like a scoop.

He's doing scoop and butter, scoop and he's doing you gotta send me that well a lot of these viral videos they just disappear man they're in my was like they're in my discover pete and then all my discover is just youtube and i'm thinking we gotta get offline yeah that's true yeah yeah wow it's just you two and all your fan accounts run by you two of course yeah of course i run all the grahams yeah you run them all yeah you'll a lot of you'll see a lot of the same people uh comments and graham so special yeah hey these two are unstoppable when together tv deal question mark Hey, these two are unstoppable when together. TV deal?

On set? Can't wait to see. Everyone dying to know what Graham's shooting. Now, you had mentioned that people that are around you sometimes are going for an SNL direction. Have you ever put in to be an SNL? I've tested. Yes. I was very happy about that. Yeah.

They, they came and saw me and put me on a showcase and then flew me to New York. Shut up. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So I got to do that. It was really cool.

And I had to write all new material on the plane. I had 24 hours. Oh shit. A whole new five minutes. Yeah. So I didn't get it. Why? Because they were, they were like, don't do the one that we saw. Yeah. They were minutes. Yeah. So I didn't get it. Why? Because they were like,

don't do the one that we saw. Yeah. They were like, we saw it. Don't do it. But I regret it. I should have just done the one because only one person saw it. Yeah.

They weren't in the audience. And it's one of those stupid things where they say like, that happens a lot with television tapings that they're like, it has to be all new material. I'm like, who's going to check? Nobody. That's who,

who's going to scrub through videos videos it's my biggest regret but i had the time of my life i walked out when it was my turn i literally said to myself what the fuck am i doing here when i was walking to the stage they heard that because i liked and they're taping it so they heard that that That was so embarrassing. Then when I did it, the second thing I did was an impression of my mom every time I call her. And it's 10 seconds

and Lauren Michaels laughed so hard I had to wait. Shut up. And then not a peep for the rest of the conversation. Damn it. I got other laughs, but not him.

And then afterwards, Seth Meyers came to my dressing room to come chat. That's amazing. Yeah, it was really cool. I was happy to even be considered I got other laughs but not him and then afterwards Seth Meyers came to my address and we even came to chat that's amazing yeah it was really cool I was happy to even be considered honored to have been considered

I just wanted a chance and I got one and I think that's the coolest I'm not I don't want to put you on the spot but I want to hear this impression of your mom okay

it gets really loud ready okay okay so just to set it up for everybody I'm holding a phone. Like if you pick up the phone and you look down and you see the person that's calling you.

So that's, that's what I'm doing. Okay. Okay. This is my mom. Every time I call. That's it. No, that's it now the listener will have heard that but zoom cut that out so but i could see what was going on in your face and i heard the very last part

so yeah of course zoom cut it out yeah zoom was like that sounds like some pretty obnoxious background noise tired of being restricted and censored on this yeah right let's go to google meet yeah let's go where i can be free thanks for letting me do that impression it's been a while i retired that one bring it back bring it back good still good we haven't heard it you know bring it to canada we don't know what kind of impressions you've been working on yeah um yeah okay yeah you're right why not okay well we'll see can i open for you yes please and if you don't mind if you don't mind kind of sandwiching me if

you could open for me and then just close off the set that would be great if i could just do like a yeah essentially essentially i'll be the refried beans to your crunchy gummies yes yes sandwich you're right in there no problem um dave what's going on with you my friend well here's what's going on with me now we've got we're caught up with atlanta yes present day last week uh well i uh i guess what's going on with me is it's 4 20 today ah shit and great i mean this is hitting graham like a genna break yeah right like i'm all my buddies are gonna be all my rowdy friends are coming over today we're waiting till 4 20 on 4 20 but uh it's crawling yeah because we got a bit of time we've got a bit of time. We've got a bit of time. Yeah. And I have been, I guess, experimenting with drugs lately.

Good for you. What ones? Well, last week on the show, I mentioned that I had my first ever Benadryl and it knocked me out at one in the afternoon. The best. Also, the thing that I thought I was allergic. Oh, Benadryl's for allergies. Yeah. That's why you saw my face. I was like, wait, which one, Benadryl's for allergies. Yeah.

That's why you saw my face. I was like, wait, which one's Benadryl? Okay, sorry. Keep going. The allergic reaction I thought I was treating, it didn't go away. So I don't think that was an allergic reaction. I think it was just. Oh, no.

Just a weird burning on my face. It might have been the hot sauce. Hives? No, it was just. There was no like puffiness or Discoloration Just a patch of burning And you took the Benadryl

Very interesting I wouldn't have done it I would have got steroids topical Oh yeah sure yeah From a doctor that's what I would have done Well now I'm doing I guess I'm getting into Marijuana now Okay run for the hills, guys. A few weeks ago, I hurt myself playing hockey, and I've been going to physio.

I went to physio once, and I'm doing the exercises. Doing the exercises, yeah. It's getting better, but I thought I would maybe be able to enhance the experience with some CBD cream. cream okay so i uh purchased a tub of cbd cream now this is something you put it on the top of a cake or a muffin or a buttercream if you will uh this is uh well it's a it's a marijuana derivative and uh you rub it on so i rubbed it on my knee and uh i turned on my lava lamp and i was just i started giggling so much the opening music from all along the watchtower started playing my knee i'm started moving in to like i guess there's no other way to put it but like to sort of a reggae beat okay yeah okay um no the um the uh answer graham and i genuinely

now we're interested we hated the story before wait a minute reggae go on tune right back in yeah i'm now i'm listening for real i started uh i was watching uh wizard of oz with dark side of the moon yeah my knee didn't get any better from any of that okay um i will say my review of this particular cream is, I don't know why this is like a controlled substance. This was, it's made my knee smell and that's about it. What, it like smells like weed? No, it has like different kind of like menthol and other things in it. Sure. menthol and other things in it sure like basically what i did it it was less effective than if i had gotten like rub a535 or tiger bomb or well it sounds like you just rubbed a virginia slim

cigarette on your knee there it might have been yeah it was a mental being honest with you just based on your description that's what it sounds like have either of you used this kind of cream before no i have not you know i had an interesting i stopped smoking weed for like a couple years and i also had an injury my knee actually oddly enough i had an injury as well and a friend had recommended cbd but i was like i don't trust it because i was like yeah but what if it does have an effect and she's like it won't i'm like yeah but like i don't trust it because I was like yeah but what if it does have an effect and she's like it won't and I'm like yeah but like I don't want to feel dependent on this substance that's why I stopped and I was like I feel like this would still

mentally be me feeling dependent on a substance to relieve something right because if you're stressed you smoke a joint you're feeling much better you know but yeah if it becomes chronic so that's why I didn't want to use it it was like a mental thing for me though i don't even know if it would work or not i think i feel like it was it's snake oil i don't think it's this

is an effective thing it's a cbd yeah yeah if you eat them if you eat it in gummy form right that icy cold cream though that'll fix you right up. Yeah. Icy hot. Icy hot. Yeah. Yeah. That is what I feel like I should have done instead. I was like, why did like, as soon as I put it on my knee,

I was like, what was I expecting would happen? Yeah. Your knee winks at you. Whoa, man. Holy shit. People can be,

people can be really persuasive. Yeah. I often try new products because somebody swears by it oh sure that's why i bought that uh ronco food dehydrator because of me because of ron popiel i said everything you eat's too wet yeah what can we do about this bring that put your chili in that graham yeah put your chili yeah Graham dry it out just turn it into like a disc of chili yeah a jerky they should have

that at the airport security get there the day before put your thing in the yeah we'll dehydrate anything for you

your water is just in a vacuum sealed bag completely dry is there something that you've bought because somebody says they've sworn by it is there something the amount of hair and skin products so that's what's going to get me because i have

rosacea and you know what i mean i used to have really bad acne like um hormonal acne as an adult never had it growing up oh shit so it really messes with you because everybody's done with it and then i was starting it so it's kind of its own mental game it's kind of like smoking pot if you're just starting now everybody's like where the hell have you been all this time kind of yeah and they're already okay with it and you can't handle yours so you're like high out of your fucking mind all the time and you embarrass yourself obviously but yeah like someone will recommend a skin product being like, and then what'll happen is it'll, um, to speak to what you were saying, Dave, it'll, I'll get a reaction to it of sorts. My skin will hurt or something like it's always something.

It never works. I get a reaction to it. And then I've, I've spent $50 on this cream. So then I ended up giving it away. I give it all away to my friends and I have the most basic skincare routine pretty natural pretty mild and that's what works every time i just go right back pretty natural that's what people say that's what people say about my tits pretty natural i think she's got some pudding in there but pretty natural pretty and one of them's natural. She went one of those pudding bras. Yeah. I like Zop better than the other one. Oh, the things I'll do for attention.

Attention's the best. Everyone knows it. But I do think it would be funny to go to 420 and just be like, whoa, I'm wearing this cream. Yeah, freaking out over my cream. You guys feel this moisture? Everyone's like, shut the fuck up. You're ruining my 420.

Yeah, let's all go in a circle and use Dave's cream. Whoa, it's really relieving the blisters on my drum finger. Yeah, don't bogart the cream. Pass it this way i'm just eating it trying to get high and licking it like a popsicle just going in there with the just fun dip just just a dunkaroos of cream buttercream of course cbd buttercream yeah so next week i don't know ibuprofen some uh yeah some other can i can i make a wreck yeah a leave oh for pain relief for for joint what is uh the um what it's naxapro something oh

naxapro something something something yeah i'm you know i don't say anything right but um it really works for in for me it works for injury it's good right, but it really works for me. It works for injury. It's good for arthritis, but it really, you know, you don't take too much of it. It's very strong, but it really helped. But it's like, it really, I got it, like, it goes away in half an hour. Like, I mean, this, and it lasts 12 hours. Like, this stuff works.

My recommendation. Nice. Okay. Yeah. That's solid. That's a solid rec. It is. It is. It's sneaky. That's a solid rec. It is. It is.

It's, it's sneaky. Everyone just thinks it's for arthritis, but it's sneaky helps. It's really good. Nice. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, anyways, bye. Bye. Anyways, thanks for having me. Bye.

Roll the credits. Roll the credits. Um, Graham, what's going on with you? Well, part of my time

I'm working as a radio disc jockey. That's true. Where can people hear you? 104.9 Sonic.

Sonic Radio. In Vancouver. What's your favorite song to spin? Right now, my favorite is a Florence and the Machine song called Free. It's a nice song about her dealing with depression and anxiety

and should she be medicated, should she not. It's a good song, empowering song, I think. Speaking of good songs, how about this one? You spin me right round, baby, right round. Yes, thank you. Like a record, baby. Right? Because it's topical because that's what you're doing.

That's right. Spinning things, yeah. You do it at the top of every hour. It's kind of... Give it a whirl. And Graham, when you're at work, are the songs physically spinning or do they have computers? They're physically spinning. A lot of times the artists are in studio. Yeah, yeah. But they're really tiny so they can fit in the radio and uh we do

a live record and then we'll play those back reel to reel holy moly yeah yeah it's cool it's pretty cool so that's that's half the time what's the other half of the time just hanging out you know what i mean giving rex taking rex doing whatever i can watching shreks yeah watching shreks uh i like um i'm auditioning for snl in a week so that they'll be interesting i don't have any characters no i wish i got no i was gonna say i can help you of how to not get it yeah you need advice what not to do i think uh we've got it handled yeah we got it i think we can figure out how to not get snl ourselves thanks elena step one b40 yeah you're right i don't want to mansplain not getting snl to you so this weekend someone i don't know how they find

these things out but there was an alert put out to the station that there was going to be a big protest uh at the station and uh they were like it's down with graham it was literally the exact time that they were protesting was the exact time that i would have been on the air and nobody else because i'm on the weekend so it was like literally it's like the protest was me and the guy in news and the one guy on sports and that's the all of us in the whole building so there was like extra security there there was like a like a guy i think he was like i don't know if he was what there was regular security guard and then there was this other guy lurking around that had handcuffs and i was like oh kinky security guard yeah yeah yeah other guy other guy he he was sitting there in a chair in the lobby just staring out the window and i was like this guy this guy's like the the

detective they hire in cape fear he's the he's willing to do things that other detectives want we haven't seen that but uh can you uh relate it to dangerous minds uh he would be he's like michelle pfeiffer's leather jacket yes thank you you're not getting her without going through that um what so okay what were they what was the thing they were protesting why was it happening at your workplace that's what i had to do a little a little digging because they said it was like this group and i'd never heard of them so i i googled them and then went to their social media pages but it just seemed like they were just like we want truth in the media or something like that that they wanted like media attention oh it's because of all your fake news yeah that's right uh we're fake news central uh and coming up like your last headline coolio back in the game

florence and the machine good good so that's on you yeah yeah you're right and i put my neck out there look it's gonna happen so it's gonna happen so yeah how many people are we talking here well here's the thing so i do some research on them. Doesn't take me long to find their connection to the convoy protests. And, you know, by proxy, your Blue Lives Matter, et cetera, et cetera. Anti-vaxxing. Anti-vaxxing. So this was the big thing.

You got to show up early. I had to show up early to make sure that I wasn't facing protesters trying to get in there. There'd be extra security. Like I say, it was the exact time that I wasn't facing protesters trying to get in there. There'd be extra security. Like I say, it was the exact time that I was there. And I went, got there early. Security guard there in the lobby. Leather jacket was holding a gun, so you felt safe. Leather jacket was smoking and holding a gun.

Leather jacket was having a cigar, and you felt safe. A Virginia Slim, you felt safe a virginia slim dave's in there rubbing it on his knee what else is new and uh no protest no protest they were mostly a press release uh protest don't even know if it was that i think there was just like i don't know how they i don't know how you organize a protest i have no idea do you go have a a site that people go to or is it a facebook page or how do you i think facebook page right probably that's what i'm yeah yeah so they they didn't show and to be honest with you i was a little bit bummed i was i'd be bummed too yeah instagram posts yeah Instagram posts

absolutely they're not on TikTok but that's yeah when we were going to Black Lives Matter protests and stuff like that

like you know in the height of I mean you know we were scared because of COVID

but you know you mask up whatever but that's how we found everything was in Instagram so it was like it would say the location right you know what I mean and then the time and it's like it was it made it really easy because you just sent that to other people like it was so easy to find all these protests tiktok

is mostly for like finding out what dances you'll be doing at the protest yeah exactly how to make this uh feta cheese pasta and how to and and tupperwares to buy to bring it to everybody yeah i think if you want to organize a protest you just go outside where there's a group of people and say what do we want and whatever they yell that's sort of what you want and yeah when do we want it well it's probably now what do we want lunch oh. Oh, shit. Okay. Come on, to the radio station. Let's get some lunch. We got a snack machine. Let's get some Boston pizza up in here.

I hear Dave's kids are at school. Good luck. Sometimes they bring back leftovers from their hot lunches. Not on pizza day. No, that's right. Suddenly, all of a sudden, you're an unpicky eater. Yeah, so I was bummed out i was bummed out that the protest didn't have it because

i was planning like on my break to like go out and see what was happening in the protest totally of course you know and it was like i was kind of like oh how long am i gonna have to wait here to leave i was excited to see them packing up the protest nothing i didn't get anything my dad and i got stuck um when i went home to visit on queen's key in an anti-vax protest oh yeah it was the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life i was loving it because it started raining bad and all these fucking idiots are there with their signs with their children yeah in the rain pouring rain scattering scattering for shelter i it made me laugh so hard i was like as my brother would say the fox gets what the fox deserves it was so funny why does your brother have all those sayings

honestly my brother is like i think my brother's one of the funniest people on the planet he's who got me into comedy got me my first job at tony and tina's wedding can you believe it whoa doing what yes got me i was maria i was one of the um servers like my character and um i had a whole little thing that happens the whole wedding it was so much fun but he has all these sayings like here's one it's all fun and games until someone makes a bad pot of juice what it's and you can say that people can't get offended yeah it's so stupid hot of juice i love that pot of juice he kills me anyways so that yeah those are a couple right there oh my god there's one for your snl audition the guy uh i hold for lauren lauren's laughing at pot of juice

yeah somebody yells hold for lauren lauren get it together i just i never heard it like that before i do a good impression that is good that's good lord he uh i interviewed phil rosenthal who created everybody loves raymond and he very casually tossed off during the interview that he wrote tony and tina's wedding he's he's the guy who created that and i was like away we go hello get me on like he just said it like it was nothing like i you know i was saying like i bring my own bag to the grocery store he said like well you know i wrote tony and tina's wedding and then he just went off from there did you not did you not hear about my bag hello stop interrupting me that's right yeah you got mad it's a shit about what you did okay i'm sorry i just saved 10 cents while you wrote some fucking dumb ass script

nobody's ever gonna see uh am i swearing too much are you gonna bleep you're not swearing enough yeah we're big bleepers here yeah i'll just start saying what the bleep are you talking about yeah we're kind of the kid rock of podcasts we're bad we're bad to the bone that's insane nobody's gonna listen to this if you're calling yourselves the kid rock they know that we like to shoot a gun at soda not beer i'd like to put on my best leather jacket and start shooting a gun at drinks what happened to him he used to be so cool he was i still think he ran out of hats what he ran out of fedoras he does he just does single use fedoras yeah like contacts yeah i got fedora dailies he had to get one of those got junk with a 1-800 garbages to throw all his fedoras in.

They had to get cleared out of his yard. Then they dumped them. The junk company dumps them at a men's right activist campground. Well, what do you think your protest was about? They said, get the hats out of here. We don't want them. Move your hats. That's why the people said said if you need to get

through the crowd do bring your own fedora and see if you wave it out yeah get out of here like a dog like you throw that and everybody runs after i love how much any of the three of us have derailed this podcast we're all guilty of it yeah i was gonna say me but then i was like no you guys dave went on that story about his knee like i was like you guys have been going off on this thing i'm not taking i'm not taking blame what rails were we ever on it's true well we were on the rails of like how's everybody doing and then i was like i one time didn't become a citizen and joined the army like that. You know what I mean? It was like, so that part I'm guilty. Well,

I told you how I was doing three years ago. And also in, you've had your whole life to draw from. Whereas Dave and I have to, on the weekly, we got to come up with some fresh. It's all fun until somebody ruins a pot of juice. Somebody boils the juice.

Makes a bad pot of juice. Makes a bad pot of juice. Somebody boils the juice. Makes a bad pot of juice. Makes a bad pot of juice. There's no ruining a juice if the juice is already bad. Yeah. Or is the pot bad? Well, the thing is, is you wouldn't normally make juice in a pot. No, you wouldn't. So that's kind of where you've gone wrong.

Right from the jump. God, I love it. I love it. Me too. Me too. Jason Johnston, he's got it right. Yeah. Yeah. My siblings Me too. Me too. Jason Johnston. He's got it right. Yeah. Yeah.

It's my siblings are very funny as well. Yeah. Isn't that the best? Like, it's so funny to me. Funny siblings. Because I'm like, you try to explain it to other people and they're just never going to get it. And they're never going to think that person's is funny because it's like a sibling can make you laugh in such a way where it's like you're the only person in the room yeah because they're directing it just to you it's so

insider it's so insider like it's a reference to a reference to i mean honestly when i am with my siblings i am the only person in the room so because they just leave yeah well we're not like uh you know i mean the two of us are in a room together yeah but uh like honestly we're not at parties we're just like you know chilling in rooms you guys are just you go from room to room kind of yeah meet me in this room sure no problem yeah sure we're solving we're playing a game of clue yeah we have to go from room to room yeah find all the evidence you guys are method you guys are method like when you guys play risk right this could take a year traveling we do have to go country to country yeah you have to go country to country yeah and snakes and ladders even worse

we gotta get a snake to slide down so bad the ladder's not so easy what about chutes and ladders isn't that that's a weird thing that British say, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like what's a chute? Is that a snake in British slang? I think it's like a slide, isn't it? Fuck, that doesn't make any sense. The thing that makes sense is snake and ladder. That's what goes together. We had a laundry chute growing up.

Is it like that? Oh. Sounds pretty good. Fancy. Yeah, fancy. We were fancy. Yeah. So what are we talking? Two floors at this house? Three floors so what are we talking two floors at this house

three floors what are we talking here yeah i guess it was from the second floor down to the basement so i guess it's that's a long floor yeah but you could there was a like a little uh window into the chute from the second from the main floor okay oh my god fun so you'd see it all fly down yeah or you could put a you know a kitchen rag down there that's fun did you ever put like an action figure down just to see for fun yeah yeah or like a clock just to see time fly that type of thing oh wow graham save it for the radio yeah graham what are you someone's funny sibling the Yeah, save it. Do you guys want to move on to some overheards?

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Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, man, oh, man, if you're so lucky to hear something great, don't just hide it somewhere away where nobody gets to enjoy it. Bring it here to the podcast. That's what we like. And we always like to start with the guest. Alana, do you have an overheard? I do not, but I have an overseen.

Yes. Now, listen, because the overheard, I've just heard so many things. It's like, and then I just take them and put them into my bits. You know what I mean? Like if you're going to hear something. But this overseen is a good one. Something I can't replicate. Okay.

I was in Toronto and I was walking, Queens Quay, I was walking up towards the like CN Tower, right? Towards that direction there. Yeah. I see a guy, this is about 7 p.m. See a guy, tall, skinny skinny guy running like i'm talking full speed ahead running towards me and he looks panic not at me like running my direction yeah so i wasn't scared yet so he's running he looks terrified i was like okay whatever he's getting closer getting closer he runs he zips

past me i see he has two samurai swords on his back shit running like you can't even believe and i was like it was one of the craziest things i've ever seen because i went he either came from something or is going to something that's right like this guy's like something's about to happen with these knives these swords really and? Like were they cross style? Yes. Like cross swords. Wow. Like Zelda.

Yes. That's amazing. And it was like, it was crazy because if he had just been walking, okay, fine. But I was like, he's running. Yeah. And just for those of you who don't know, Queens Quay in Toronto, this is a very rich area. Okay. This is waterfront.

This is the lakefront. Right. So he, and it's only condos. So the only place he could have been going was towards condos. Do you understand why I think it's so weird? Because if he was going the other direction towards like a convention center or something,'d be like okay there must be an organized fight or something where you would have these swords

Akumate exactly but this I went no this is an assault he's running towards it oh that's cool he's running to assault somebody to assault somebody with the two swords in such a hurry and he was in a huge hurry.

He thought, I've only got till eight. I have tickets to this flick. What about a character? I've got to get to the theater, to the Scotiabank. A character called Kondo Samurai. What about that? Yeah, and basically it's that he picks locks with swords and you're locked out of your condo.

He really gets in there. It's the way, yeah. it's the only way i learned it it's just the only way i know how to pick a lock but i'm the best what can i say and if you're in a rush i'll be there i mean you think this guy was on the kind of an assassin run or something like that dude the panic in his face oh i'm late to assassinate this guy yes he's like the rabbit exactly in uh alice in wonderland yes i feel like there is when i was a kid i was ninjas were very big okay and i feel like the double uh sword thing on the back was so badass it was so badass it was really badass it was just the location was he

was was he wearing anything else that was like ninja black okay okay yeah all black but where would you expect seeing a samurai running around that you'd be like this fits this is organized fight as previously okay sorry yes okay in and around an organized fight fight to the death yeah because he's warming up if it's the organized fight, if he's running towards the organized fight. I'm warning. I don't want to cramp up during the reenactment. Yes, as you guys know, that's not good. You don't want to get cramped. No, that's true.

And once you've dipped your hands in the glue and the glass, then you can't rub your own legs. You need to... This is what I'm saying. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, hey, you're welcome. So that's mine.

It's an overseen. Yours is great. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't like, yeah, it wasn't. It was concerning. And it's just and this was so long ago. I saw this and I just it is ingrained in my brain forever.

It's in the brain. It's just it's in the brain. So that's mine. And so you don't feel alone. Mine is also about seeing a man running. So it's... Oh my God.

Okay, go. I want to start Dave. No, no, Dave goes first and then I'll... Okay, you're going to sandwich it. Okay, Dave. Mine is also about a weird man I saw.

Okay, yes. So this is an overseas... We can all agree men are weird. Men are weird. They've had a good run. Are you kidding me? We can all agree. Wasn't that the name of your sketch show men are weird yeah men are men are so weird um we uh so there's in my neighborhood uh a guy was doing some gardening i guess he is like i don't even know but he's he's pulled a bunch of soil out of his yard and it's just on like next to the sidewalk outside of his fence, just this giant pile of dirt.

And I was like, what's going to happen with this? Cause actually the same guy last year put up a sign that just said free soil. And I was like, no one wants your dirt. And then three weeks later, people had picked away at it and taken his dirt. Yeah. People love dirt but uh what happened today that so this big pile of dirt outside this guy's house i see a guy carrying uh like a carton of milk and a bag from the store like he's just been shopping and this guy walks up to the pile of dirt and he puts his, his, uh, milk carton in his bag. So he doesn't have to carry it.

He pulls out of his bag, a like packet package of fish sticks, like a small box, like half the size of a cereal box. He opens it up, takes the fish sticks out puts them in the bag they're like wrapped in plastic so he's just got this empty box and he takes a stick walks up to the pile of dirt and just fills this box with dirt wow like this tiny this tiny box that uh like you could find this amount of dirt anywhere in the city like this might have had a plant that needed to be repotted yeah maybe yeah but just this is his container is a small so creative i would have never thought to take also if you live in if you don't live in a place with a yard actually finding dirt is very difficult because you have to

where are you gonna get oh yeah yeah i guess i never if you're like in an apartment or something yeah like yeah you know like you can't just go get dirt from somebody's yard or whatever i feel like this amount you probably could you could probably find this in uh you know so it was that small it's like yeah like a small box a very small box okay i'm gonna say what do you guys think this guy was gonna do with the dirt i'm sticking with mine repotting a plant that's my mine as well he's either repotting or has received a plant from a friend or well and wants to put it in a pot yeah well i mean it's... But now I have to come up with a third answer that's different from your two that are the same. There's only so many things you could do with dirt.

I'm guessing he's like a mud fetishist. Yeah, that's true. He's like going to rub it all over his nude body while he eats fish sticks and drinks milk. Can I tell you where I thought that story was going in? I just want to preface this with, I know this is insane. Okay. I thought when you said he in, I just want to preface this with, I know this is insane. Okay. I thought when you said he was taking out the fish shakes,

first of all, I thought when you said he had the milk, I thought he was going to place the milk on the soil and then scoop some soil into the bag. Yeah. Then when you said he took out the fish shakes, I thought he was going to put those in the soil and then scoop it into the bag.

So yours, those in the soil and then scoop it into the bag so yours can't this guy has come out a hero in comparison to the other options i thought this was going to be yeah you thought he was some weirdo trying to grow a fish tree like something i was like this is gonna get weird but it made sense and i actually think he's quite crafty yeah yeah, yeah. I have a new appreciation for this guy. Look, I didn't come here to badmouth this guy. I just saw it, and I thought I should pass it along, but... I don't think you've badmouthed him at all. No.

I think you presented a case that's kind of a bit of a mystery. Oh, sure, that's good. About that small amount of dirt. Oh, God. Yeah. Yes. I think I probably should have badmouthed him a bit. Well, let's be honest

His face was a living nightmare Yeah yeah yeah Also did you get the smell off of this guy Smells like dirt gross His knee reeks what is he using CBD bomb Yeah come on Okay Graham Bring it on home

Let's hear yours Okay so this is... Dave and I all on top. This is just as the weather's starting to turn. It's starting to spit rain. And so people are ducking under awnings or putting their hoods up. And I see a guy just blasting down the street. And in my mind, the thing that he's running towards must be a bus.

That's what, cause there's nothing, there's nothing but more road in the direction. So he was running at such a clip that I was like, he can't keep this up. So he's going for a bus or something, or he's got to get on the train or something like that. And he is carrying in his hoodie pocket and in his hands,

dreads off of his head that have gone there so long i would say easily seven foot of dreads uh because he was had them all scooped up and bald and there was some in the the uh the pocket and some he was just holding over his shoulder and he had yeah i would say at least seven foot if not if not 30 odd foot of dread yeah yeah exactly uh so disturbing right seeing a guy with dreads running first of all i should also say this is a white guy thank you i didn't want to have to ask this this is a white man with dreads what is this my town well where do you think he was going i thought the thing was i was like he's gonna he's seeing a bus that he's trying to get it's already at the stop but then i looked back and there was no bus there there was no bus stop there so there hasn't been a bus here for 30 years okay so when you said the bus in the beginning nothing was there that was

just you're like oh gotta be that's what i said then there was nothing yeah see him run towards me and then i looked behind me as he ran away and there was no i do like the image of him like holding it in in his pockets yeah or if he had like uh like uh different like flower pots holding the dreads or he was like with a small amount of soil provided yeah maybe a little bit see i mean honestly you could probably get more soil off of this dude oh yeah that's true in those dreads bring them out but like it was like a like a kid's book like oh the dreads they get everywhere they're in the soup they're in the bed they're yes now you know who could have solved this problem samurai sword guy one chop

out of there you can put them in a token running towards each other exactly yes the samurai gets all the dreads he needs the dread guy gets a little fresh the haircut he needed yeah wow see that one's crazy that was crazy and i want to know what the dreads look like when he's perfectly still and they're hanging down. They would have been dragging on the ground. They were so much balled up. So they're that long. He would have to either have them up all the time or they're just falling all over him like a beaded curtain. I love an updo.

I mean, on his wedding or the oscars yeah i know when i go to the oscars i'm usually up yeah it's usually an updo yeah um last time i was there i went uh i went down and that was a mistake i should have done an updo like you guys i just let it haven't been asked back yeah it's true i wasn't asked that first time either, but, uh, now he's specifically been asked not to. So that's,

uh, that's how it's going for me. Like some good oversees. I'm just wondering about this guy in the city where it rains 300 days a year. He's got to get it together. He, yeah. I mean,

in his eyes, he's got it together. He's got the best dreads of any of his friends and don't they stop growing after a while i see i would assume i would assume but if you're just it's the crystal gale of dreads yes yes um all right fine now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map if you want to send one into us you can send it into spy at maximumfund.org um this first one's from duane in edmonton edmonton alberta this is duane hi duane thanks for calling you're on duane you're on with duane

um my friend was earnestly trying to convince me and another friend to go to a western swing night. My friend was earnestly trying to convince me to go to camp. What? Ernest goes to camp. Oh, yeah, sure. Okay, thanks. Thanks, Dwayne and Edmonton.

Thank you for your input. We do appreciate it. Yeah, thanks, Vern. He is trying to convince me and another friend to go to Western Swing Night at the Norwood Legion. He said, if you want to come and check it out, it's a pretty good time. In fact, it's a great time.

There are a lot of old people. There you go. Yeah. If you're trying to heal the lily a little bit. It's Western Swing Night. You're from Alberta, Graham. Would that be Swing dancing? Western dancing?

It'd be like I would see it as Western kind of You know Square dancing? Square dancing And then also probably Line dancing

Is probably a part of it Okay so Pretty good event Yeah That's old people That sounds pretty good If you're square dancing You like

Like you might all join hands and circle the ring, and then you stop where you are, give your honey a swing, swing that little gal behind you, you swing your own, and then you promenade left with the corner girl, you doze a dough your own, and then you all promenade with the sweet corner maid singing, oh, Johnny, oh, Johnny, oh. Is that right? And then someone dies because they're so old. Yeah. Somebody dies at every event. promenade with the sweet corner maid singing joe oh johnny oh johnny oh is that right and then someone dies because they're so old yeah somebody dies at every event somebody that's the draw you would love this event everybody dances everyone's old one dies you gotta come it's at the norwood

legion come on did you forget about death because this is, if you want to be reminded of it, this is the place. No, it's cute. Yeah. Okay. Wait. So that, so wait, you gave an email address. Everybody emails in these over, over here. That's right.

Yeah. Okay. That's good to know because as I collect some, I'm going to email them in. Please. Yeah. This is Andrew C. from right here in Vancouver. My family were at LAX waiting in line to board our plane home, and two men in their 40s walked by, and we heard, I don't know, I think Spanx or something.

You got to let your old lady buy for herself. That's true. Yeah. Do not buy your old lady Spanx. Right? Ever. Yeah. Ever.

Under no circumstance. Unless. Even if you're asked to do it, don't do it. Because if you get the wrong size. Yes. You're fucked. Even if you win Spanx in a raffle. If you've entered a raffle for the sole purpose of winning Spanx,

donate them. Yeah. I love the idea. Do not bring them home. Donate them. Do not bring them home. wow yeah because like spanks when they're done they're done right you can't like they go in the garbage you can't do anything well if it's lost the stretch we're done here yeah then they're not working now you're just wearing shorts yeah yeah yeah you've just wearing shorts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You've got nude shorts on my friend. Have you ever, you both of you must've had, have this where somebody is wearing like a very matching their skin tone, pair of tights. And you're just like from across the street, like, Whoa, just a jacket for that person.

I guess. I once had a pair of khakis that were a little too slim fit. And I was like, oh, I'm just wearing a shirt with nothing underneath. I've worn shirts that were in tank tops that were like skin tone and definitely got a couple of reactions. I don't mind saying. Yeah. All good. All good.

Let's just say no. Let's just say absolutely not. And this last one comes from Dallas T. From Urbana, Illinois. Urbana? Urbana. Urbana? Urbana.

I've lived in Urbana, Urbana, Urbana,bana urbana urbana um i've lived in urbana urbana urbana illinois for 15 years and listening to past episode made me realize that i've had a few related over scenes living here during my first year or two of moving here i was at a local grocery store and saw a man in his 60s walking around wearing what looked like a clown costume but without any other indication that he was a clown. No wig, no makeup, just glasses and a walrus mustache. I wasn't sure what to make of this, but then a few weeks later

I was at our small local airport, saw the same man dressed the same talking to a gate agent. I was getting curious. He finds out he does a little digging. Who do you think this man is? John Wayne Gacy. The mayor. You say the mayor, you is? John Wayne Gacy. The mayor. You say the mayor. You're saying John Wayne Gacy.

Yeah. You're both wrong. It's Patch Adams from the film Patch Adams. It's the- Patch Adams. Patch Adams. Robin Williams is dead. Ooh, burn.

Sorry. Yeah. Now who's coolioed? We've been coolioed. You just got coolioed. You've been coolioed. You've been coolioed. She's got such a dangerous mind i didn't even see i never saw i do i never saw patch adams does he make it uh yeah he makes it he's he makes it to

the airport in urbana urbana international airport urbana air bono yeah we're flying air bono it's a uh an airline that just flies bono's hat around yeah and and kid rock has all the seats getting those hats on there those fedoras yeah boy i just want to start a hat record label i've just had it, man. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, this is Robin calling from Vancouver Island with an overheard. My husband and I took our little kid to the park and there were some big kids playing. And one of them says, hey, do you know how to play grounders? To another kid.

And that kid goes, yeah, I'm in grade seven. Yeah, no friggin' way, man. No friggin' way, man yeah no friggin way man no friggin way man no friggin way um yeah I guess you don't get all the way to grade 8

without playing grounders yeah I honestly don't know what that is I also do not know what grounders is no I mean either

but I was just like the yeah of course I'm in grade 7 and I'm trying to keep the no friggin way alive yeah

and uh Alana last week on the show someone called in with an overheard and just ended it with Yeah, of course I'm in grade 7. And I'm trying to keep the no friggin' way alive. Yeah. And... Last week on the show, someone called in with an overheard and just ended it with no friggin' way. No friggin' way. We fell in love. Okay, I'm in. I'll keep that going here in LA. Yeah. Here's your next phone call. Also from a

playground. Okay. Dave Graham Strodinger's guest. This is K calling from atlanta just getting back from playground with my daughter and you know how the kids they never want to use a slide correctly so they're all going down the slide face first on their bellies so the two girls come down the slide no problem you know it's all we we no problem. And then the little boy follows them, going down the slide face first on his belly. And then he just goes, ah, ah, ah. And then he gets to the bottom of the slide and quietly says, my dick.

Off I go. Oh, man. Yeah, it's all on the front, you know? Uh-huh. Yeah. You got to be careful there yeah i when you uh alana when you were growing up did your playground have plastic slide metal slide what type of slide did you have wooden slide perhaps splinters metal one then the the first metal one then that got torn down it was like a wooden play set and then a whole plastic one was put up okay all right so so both so yeah metal ones are great especially

in the summertime uh so hot so good for singeing those thighs um i just remember the beginning of the pandemic they uh like no one knew what to do with their kids the schools were closed daycares were closed and people were like oh i guess we can go to playgrounds and kids are just like they would put they put the like arrows on the playground of what directions the kids were allowed to go kids ignore the completely yeah kids love climbing up a slide yeah that's true yeah there's freestyle and that's what kids do god love them anyway here's your final phone call hi guys this is lauren in portland maine just got a great overheard on the street was walking past a woman and all i heard her say was

so she said to me be careful because there's lots of monkeys and you cannot make eye contact with them. Thanks. Bye. Ain't that the truth. Boy, have I been there in the worst way possible. Yeah, man. Don't ever. You know what? They say never to make eye contact with a primate because they see that as aggression.

Yeah. If you're with a chimpanzee or whatnot, just talk above their head, go below. Yeah, when you're talking at them. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, fella. Hey.

Yeah, I'm talking to you, but I'm not looking at you, buddy. Yeah, so you don't have to rip my face off like you did with the other guys. I'm cool. Yeah, I saw that. That was nasty. Anyway. Anyways. Alana. the other guys i'm cool that was nasty anyway anyways um alana this brings us to the end of this here podcast thank you so much for being our guest thank you so much for having me i had an absolute blast and i learned a lot yeah that and that's the most important thing yeah let's consider that a win um where can people find you online?

Where can they want to find out where you're doing shows and whatnot? Yes, I am online. My Instagram is at the only Alanna Johnston. And my Twitter is at Alanna underscore Johnston. And that's where I post all my shows and all that stuff. So that's where you'll find all the performances my shows and all that stuff so that's where you'll find all the performances and videos

and all that stuff that's fantastic thank you so much for making the time to be our guest oh my god thanks for having me and thank you all you out there for listening if

there's one thing that we've learned here on the podcast it's that most things in life you can look at them and go no friggin way man yeah no friggin way man come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself maximum fun.org

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