Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 793 - Myles Anderson

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

Comedian Myles Anderson joins us to talk piano, fighting at the pet store, and a sweaty concert.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 793 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham. With me as always is a man who has a rich taste when it comes to blizzards. He's a connoisseur, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I heard about another Dairy Queen in another neighborhood in Dunbar that they do you can get the chocolate covered cherry and you can get, they have a proprietary

peanut butter cup with peanut butter sauce in the Blizzard. I'm thinking of making my way down there in the next few weeks. Sure. Sort of, I guess I would call it a pilgrimage. Graham, when you introduced yourself, you just introduced yourself by your first name. Oh, did I? Yeah. I'm your it a pilgrimage. Graham, when you introduce yourself, you just introduce yourself by your first name.

Oh, did I? Yeah, it's I'm your host, Graham. I've given it up. I was with a record label with the name Graham Clark, and I won out of my contract. So now I'm just Graham. Yeah. If you could do a symbol that was like Prince, like sum yourself up in a symbol, what would that symbol be?

Calvin peeing on a Ford logo. You? An elephant with a long nose sucking his own dick. He's sucking his own dick with his nose? Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Our guest today today very funny comedian uh you this is by the way this is uh for anyone you got a segue from elephant penis into the biggest penis whoa really

well yeah i was just gonna say i saw that image recently Someone posted a cartoon of that So I didn't just come up with it But you know what If this is who we're introducing I'll get out of the way Yeah No it's good It's good

Our guest today Very funny comedian Makes his home here In Vancouver Please welcome to the show Round of applause everybody For Miles Anderson Yay

Thank you so much Thank you Thank you for being a guest Please welcome to the show, round of applause, everybody, for Miles Anderson. Yay! Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for being a guest. It's lovely. It's lovely. I like the video conferencing is living on. I like it.

Yeah. Are you doing Zooms from across the country? Are you doing? So I teach piano lessons as my other job, i did a lot of zoom piano lessons uh during the pandemic and that's tough it's tough with a little bit of a time delay also i can't my physical presence isn't there to intimidate the students and it's very necessary for getting them to practice are you a big guy uh i'm tall i wouldn't say i'm big i'm i'm six one but i'm i uh look like a fence post where does tall start six probably six one i don't know yeah it depends i guess maybe six six sounds like official tallness but you know on those dating apps yeah well yeah yeah absolutely you gotta get my femurs uh

oh yeah we're done i got a lemur femur i had to get a lemur femur to get myself taller uh yeah how tall do you think cousin greg is on succession because some of the people he's eight yeah he towers over some people it's crazy yeah he's huge it must be nice right to be tall this episode comes out uh the day after the finale of success is the finale next week i think so yeah oh shit okay finale's yesterday graham that's right yeah and you know what you won't believe't believe that Shiv goes to space and the rest take Manhattan. There's one caper. And these are the movies.

And they have a Christmas carol. Cousin Greg jumps Snake River Canyon. Yeah. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us yeah get to know us so miles you were you're obviously good at piano because you're teaching it or are you just keeping one lesson ahead oh yeah no yeah no if they were very good i'd be very nervous so miles i uh grew up playing the cello. Oh, lovely. And then the guitar. And I recently, about a year ago, acquired a piano, an electric piano.

And I look up chords on the internet and I'm like, okay, I can play live and let die. Yeah. How do you make the two hands do different things? Just real quick. That's so funny. know what it's it's uh this is something i teach my students it is a kind of a breaking point in your brain when you start to start with one hand each sort of and then once you start playing them together it is kind of i think the piano is the easiest instrument to start and the hardest to master because you know

as someone who played the cello it's very difficult just to make one nice note happen on a cello. Guitars like that, you gotta have a good technique to make one note happen. But piano is just like a keyboard on a computer. You're like, oh, I want to hear this note. Boom. I want to press the letter K. It happens. You know, it's simple.

That's what I'm thinking all the time when I'm typing. I want to press the letter K so bad. But now it's like, oh, can you get to 300 words a minute now you're just like oh it's tricky now it's tricky now yeah but even when I do it I feel like my hands are going the same speed on both sides when I'm typing yeah that's true it's not you know typing a whole different essay with your left hand so I think that's the wrong way to think of piano is hand speed you're like i think maybe if i match hand speed i want to do the opposite i want my left hand doing its own thing and my right hand doing its own thing but when i'm typing they're very much doing

the same thing true yeah yeah that is that is true i guess i'm more of a hunting and pecking uh piano player yeah yeah you know stephen king he he still hunts and pecks when he plays piano with the rock bottom remainders great pianist stephen king um miles how long have you been playing the piano is this from childhood or have you just picked it up as an adult? Well, it's funny, you know, a lot of people,

yeah, they assume I went to the Sean, Sean and lay school and I started piano when I was three, but I, I went to public school and I started when I was 12. 12 is late for especially playing classical stuff. You know, really 12,

you're looking at retirement in classical piano world you're sort of looking at nice places in florida to kind of set it go to a condo um because you know child prodigies are big in classical music but also just in in classic music like it's like early training you know i don't think it's i mean it's kind of always been like that. It's weird how important it is, though, to start really, really young with classical music. I think it just... Little kid brains, they absorb things just totally different than when you get older.

Yeah. My brain absorbs absolutely nothing. I literally started watching a movie last night that I saw like a month ago. Again, 12, it was it. We was it 12 everybody peaks at 12 so yeah it's hard to learn after that you know it's tough so yeah 12 is old for me to learn so i've been playing for almost 19 19 years now cool pretty long time um yeah and uh like are these are these prodigy level kids or are you teaching adults trying to teach adults that uh refuse to learn yeah i mean i don't i don't teach

the really elite kids uh i don't think i'm qualified to ruin those children i teach the kids to never practice they're doing it because their parents think it'll make them good at math so they just put them in it yeah i want my kids to learn just so They're doing it because their parents think it'll make them good at math. So they just put them in it. Yeah. I want my kids to learn just so they're like, they can go in a fancy hotel lobby if they walk past the piano, drunk at two in the morning. It's great.

Check it out. Live in La Tide. Exactly. Both hands at once. No less. Would you ever do dueling pianos? I feel like dueling pianos is a fun little treat for piano players. I could be wrong, but it seems...

Dueling pianos. No, that's funny because, you know, a hundred years ago, Oscar Peterson actually talked about in the old days, that's how a lot of jazz piano players would be able to get jobs at places. So there would be like a jazz piano guy playing at 2 a.m. in a hotel, you know, and then like Oscar Peterson would come in and just wipe the floor with him. And then they'd be like, we want that guy instead. So you're going to earn your dollar a week.

Here you go. But yeah, that's how the old days, they don't do that anymore. The piano industry is very regulated. It's all owned by Meta. You ever go to that uh you ever go to that fancy piano store on broadway next to toys r us uh timely music i don't know it could be called piano piano for all yeah yeah i think i applied for a job there uh when i first moved to vancouver actually uh i always thought music like instrument sales are very funny because

basically you just have to be good at playing the instrument to sell any instrument it's so simple you just go walk up to piano just play it extremely well you're like man that is a nice sound in piano like it is 90 the player that makes it sound good you know you could sell anything by playing live and let die on it you know yeah yeah that's what i do also maybe i'm getting into maybe i'm amazed oh like a real catalog dipping my toe into maybe i'm amazed do you try i can't remember did you try to get margo or poppy into uh the the trying hasn't really begun oh i see okay yeah don't wait till 12 though apparently not yeah they'll be uh done yeah don't hear you'll be teaching horrible piano students yeah the um uh i was just thinking about that like the prodigy thing because now

if you were going to be in a hollywood uh like slipstream you have to be in it by the time you're 12 or so because you have to have a disney show or something like that to become the next yeah they say all these things about like oh yeah so and so didn't pick up a pick up whatever their tool that they use. I can't think of any specific. You know, there's like people who got really good at something late in life or like, you know, in adulthood as opposed to in childhood. Yes. You don't, I think that there are fewer and fewer of those,

especially in Hollywood. Yes, yeah. Like, I can't even think of one person that like the last person i can think of that that happened to was like ronnie dangerfield or something like and nobody respected him yeah exactly that's right well yeah even with stand-up it was like oh yeah all the greats start when they're 14. Yeah, and then, yeah, exactly.

You start. And then you end up with Nick Cannon. He's the best. He's the best of them all. I always have advice for people that want to start an instrument later in life. I always say, go out there and spend a horrifying amount of money on the instrument like if you go you want to learn the cello and as an adult go out there spend spend seven thousand dollars on a cello and you will practice it every day a lot of people are like oh i'll get the cheap

one or it's like a exercise machine you just eventually start hanging laundry off the cello and good intentions good intention yeah yeah yeah um you uh you're originally from the island the uh the uh where we keep um the newlyweds they say we keep the newlyweds over there and i'm not gonna repeat the end of that phrase. Uh, you went to Las Vegas last week and you said the same phrase was true of Las Vegas. That's true. Yeah. The newlyweds and the almost passing away.

That's not nicer than nearly dead. Just, it just rhymes worse. Um, did you, uh uh did you find that because i know some people that went you were you newlywed or nearly dead when you lived on the island like was it still senior city when like you were in there dave because you went to you you vick uh yeah and victoria was known for that. But also, like, the whole island is kind of known for hippies of all ages. Yes, yeah, very granoli. Do you have any hippie friends, Miles?

Doesn't seem like you would, but I'm just curious. No, no, I voted for Nixon. You know that. No, basically, if they for Nixon. You know that. Basically, if they can't go toe-to-toe in a piano duel, I can't really hang out with them. Yeah, I'm just trying to picture owning an expensive instrument, and I just can't do it. I can't picture myself.

I could maybe play a guitar that you know neil young used something like that not an expensive guitar just like used just used by a rock legend yeah yeah yeah exactly you played you can play drums though graham well uh part partly and badly but uh partly and badly, but, uh, the, I don't have a,

I don't know. I have a ton of rhythm. That's my, Oh, yeah. Uh, what do you have? Uh,

I've got music and who could ask for anything more? Um, do you, when you're playing, do you play a keyboard ever or are you strictly piano? Um, I don't have an electric keyboard anymore. I actually have a,

I used to have one here in the apartment and then I got a acoustic piano in here. I moved it from Victoria to Vancouver. And so my neighbors love it. They love having a real loud piano next to them. You know, I decide when Christmas starts in the apartment building, you know, December 1st, I start vibrating the place with a Christmas tree. Do you get people pounding on the wall do you get complaints i've actually had no complaints um which is great my honestly my biggest fear is that a better piano player moves in uh and just humiliates me through the

walls i think that would probably make me be quiet i think i know, uh, people like parents, you know, my generation's parents, uh, you know, so many of them had pianos in their house and now our generation, no, no one does. Um, and I, I like, is it, can you just get a free piano on Craigslist now? Oh yeah, absolutely. Everybody's just giving away. There's so many inherited pianos that people are just trying to fl piano on Craigslist now? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Everybody's just giving them away. There's so many inherited pianos that people are just trying to flog on Craigslist. It's, yeah, I actually got, I used to work at the Royal BC Museum in Victoria,

and I got a player piano for that museum while I worked there. I don't know why I was allowed to do this, but. For those of us who don't know, what is a player piano? So it's like a player, it's a piano that plays automatically. It reads these little paper rolls

and you pump the pedals and it's all air powered and it'll play the music on the roll. I don't know why I got an instrument that made me obsolete. Do they only do old-timey saloon music? You know what, they still make them i think qrs is the company it's a canadian company and they you can get like the frozen soundtrack on

player i hope it's ragtimey and saloonie yeah yeah yeah yeah no i did see an ad in like a very fancy magazine for a woman like a woman just sitting drinking a cup of coffee watching her piano play oh my god and it looked like so spooky it was like oh yes i'm alone in this house and you will entertain me yeah and it's like time for my break go piano go um what was uh because like the royal what's it called? Royal Canadian Museum? Royal Canadian Air Force yeah yeah I worked at the Royal Canadian Air Force for those who don't know

Royal Canadian Air Force is a play on force and it was on TV let's say 20 years it was on TV? Yeah, and 20 on radio before that. Yeah, and they just, man, oh man. It's a sketch comedy show, a Canadian sketch comedy show for people of a different generation.

Yes. Even when it was on, everyone was like, what generation is this for? Must be a different generation. It was also all about Canadian politics. So like a lot of the time you're like, I don't know what the hell they're talking about. I don't know who this guy is. Maybe that's a good impression. I don't know.

Yeah. What kind of a cord this is that they're dealing with. But was that fun gig working? Were you a docent? Were you taking people around? You were working at the BC museum, right? Yes.

At the Royal BC museum. Yeah, no, it was, it was a really fun job. I basically played old timey, like ragtime piano in the old town upstairs in the summertime. And,

is it, was it like a, what is it? Was it like a recreation village you haven't been there no you you went to uvic and you never went to the royal bc museum no i think i maybe went to the wax museum once i felt like i didn't know half of the people that were in the wax museum. It's all air farce cast members. Yeah, they're Luvagoys. They're two Luvagoys, really.

No, I loved it. It was a great time. But was it like a recreation place? Like, were there people pretending to be like... So, they were specifically like, no, we don't do costumes here. It doesn't happen. Even though that's what people wanted like you know people go to museums to just see like the exact museum they want to see dinosaur bones they want to see weird old people dressed up in hoop skirts you know museums are not

cool places but they desperately want to be cool yeah and that's i think you're maybe explaining why i never went yeah it's not it's the coolest place, but I did play the piano upstairs and old ladies were weirdly like sexually aggressive to me. Maybe it's because, I don't know, I reminded them of the old timey piano players of their youth. Of their youth? At the Soda Fountain. At the Soda Fountain.

Outside Woolworths. Yeah. What did they request the the maple leaf rag yeah oh yeah maple leaf rag was a real banger that was like oh that would that would uh stop the show upstairs but i i remember this one old lady i was playing the piano and she says it looks like it looks like uh a lot of work doing that you know if you want me to rub some Bengay on you. I mean, that does sound like something you would pick up a senior with. That does seem like the type of life. What is Bengay? Do you not know what Bengay is?

What is Bengay? I don't even know. It's like Icy Hot or A535. It's like a salve. It's like made of whale oil oil it sounds like it's something from 100 years ago i think it's like a menthol menthol eucalyptus thing yeah yeah but like really targeted towards for your muscles yeah you rub it on your muscles so i should have said yes is what you're saying i should go for it but does she have it on her i guess like is this a thing she

whips out all the time like i think she had it back at the assisted living place i think she wanted me to go back you know yeah that's right oh i forgot it here you just uh come back with me come back to my place you can adjust my bed yeah i've got a piano the plate itself you know we can have a listen i also need help getting out of the bathtub my bathtub has handles on it huge flex it's not a bad idea no it's not a bad idea like i think you could start it they should all have handles on them and like the ads i think i've said this before is like when i watch the ads i was like oh how do you get out with the door the door on the bathtub

you have to wait till it completely drains then you get out you'd be so chilly you were sitting in a nice warm bath and then uh and you're just sitting there shivering uh it's tough man it's tough did you did you ever play a senior's home i feel like a piano player could probably get a gig like that um i mean i did but i i was never hired to play piano there. I got hired to play Christmas songs at the Royal BC Museum once. That was really fun. I've got a really great relationship with them.

They're probably my main employer. Maybe even now. Yeah, they have your picture up on the wall. I was at a, for my graduation in grade 12, we went to this hotel to have a big grad dinner and there was a piano player there. And I asked him if I could play anything on the piano and he flat out was like, absolutely not.

But I can, like, there you go. He's like, no. This is my gig. And I was like, could I get a job here ever? Like, how do you get this job? And he's like, this is my gig and i was like could i get a job here ever like how do you get this job and he's like you can't yeah yeah he was so aggressively defending his job there oh my god do you did you uh watch season two of white lotus oh yeah there was a subplot with like a hotel piano player and a very accurate portrayal yeah yeah you gotta seduce them if you want to get that job yeah rub a little bengay on them yeah i think she maybe

did she poison them too i forget how she ended up getting the gig she did she did yeah she she drugged him or something yeah you're right what are the best uh piano pieces Like TV and movies Pieces of culture that aren't like you know An album Like piano related movies Big's got a pretty good piano Big I thought Shine Oh yeah

The piano isn't that The piano the pianist The pianist I mean it's pretty they're pretty uh easy to guess go to the p section of the blockbuster i'm trying to think is there is there like a wacky comedy that has a piano in it but is there uh yeah there was that uh elton john biopic oh yeah that's a good one for For sure. And Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

They bring Beethoven. Beethoven. Beethoven. Have you ever seen that movie? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? No. I've missed out on Bill and Ted. I think my dad tried to

make me watch it once, but I was trying to practice the piano it once, but I was trying to practice the piano. Yeah, look, you take a break and watch this movie you don't want to watch.

Did your dad make you buy a $7,000 piano? Is that a waste of your time? No, I was so funny because my parents both don't play anything.

It's also an anomaly about me learning the piano. It's like, I don't have anyone in my family who's super musical or plays any instruments

or anything like that. So, it was funny because my stepdad i'll be playing downstairs he'd be like you know any bob seger like practicing show pad and stuff he's like yeah that's great but you know breakfast in america oh yeah that's that's good uh i like that your dad's're picking on you. Oh, he's like, what a nerd. Why is he doing that? Yeah, stop your playing. We're trying to watch Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

I just feel like because that just feels like generational, those movies. Like the next generation would have no interest in it because it's kind of i don't know from its own time uh do you have any older siblings miles i am the oldest so your parents like you're uh for doing a little math based on how long you've been playing piano and your email address i'm guessing you're born in 1992 so bill and ted came out like four years before that so your parents are just like having fun watching bed i watched a lot of old stuff when

i was a kid partly because um i only had two channels okay i want to hear what you consider old stuff before i turn into a salt uh well i watched a lot of mash oh that is old that is old yeah uh i mean i was i mean i watched all the 90s sitcoms when they were out like uh but uh and uh what else would i mean i watched a bit of um becker um oh yeah that is old uh that was on a surprisingly long run becker well just because i consider bill and ted it was like i guess we were a little young for it but the fact that someone else's parents were watching it blows my mind i think my dad was so obsessed with like like matrix keanu reeves he didn't want to like ruin matrix keanu reeves for me he's like remember this guy's only this guy anything else my dad thought the matrix was so cool he's like i want my son to be matrix keanu

reeves one day did you think the matrix was so cool i thought the first one was amazing i mean when did i come out like 1999 yeah um that was awesome i mean it was weird because my dad would when i saw it my dad used to let me watch movies like that, but he would like fast forward through swearing or sex scenes and just let me watch like the most violent parts. That was like. That's the way to do it. He was like, that's, yeah, that's safe for kids.

He can watch like all the gunfights and stuff, but. Did you ever have growing up like a family movie night or something like that where you're just like, the family was there ruining the movie for you? For sure. I used to watch movies more with my dad. My parents were divorced when I was five, and so dad's weekend was big movie time. I watched movies with him all the time. My mom can't watch movies. She has no attention span. She's like, watches the first 30 minutes, asks a bunch of questions, and then just walks away. and watch movies. She has no attention span. She's like, watches like the first 30 minutes,

asks a bunch of questions and then just walks away. No interest in how it ends. My stepdad was really into Lord of the Rings. So I used to just watch that over and over again with him. And that was, that's a long haul. Yeah.

You know. That's quality time. He's trying to get in your good books by making you watch nine hours of movie and dune i watched old dune when i was like seven years old he maybe watched that and he fell asleep i watched the whole thing and i had no idea what was going on well yeah he rented all of um the clint eastwood like man with no name series and like a whole bunch of bruce lee movies my mom went away for 10 days to see her sister and so he didn't really know what to do so he went to costco and he bought like

a crate of pillsbury mini pizzas and then he went to the movie store and rented like 30 hours of bruce lee and glenn eastwood and he's just like i'm gonna raise these boys in 10 days i'm gonna raise these children are gonna grow up into fully formed humans in 10 days. I'm going to raise these children. I'm going to grow up into fully formed humans in 10 days. He rented how to raise a boy in 10 days. Full of cheese. I mean, that's like pretty great. Because everyone loves pizza.

But what if like two movies in, you're like, I don't really like Bruce Lee. You'd be like, I got another 30 movies. This is like, we had AOL. You had to like it. You just, you could not like it. You just, that's all there was. There's that.

And I'm in Schanigan. It's just the trees and bird sounds. That's all. That's the only thing else there was to do. So loved it. Did you have to drive into the big city to get to a blockbuster or was there one? No, there was one in the in the little town village we did a drive into town but uh i i loved uh watching all those old movies i think

when i was a kid my favorite movie was the great escape um loved that movie is steve mcqueen is that yeah steve mcqueen yeah i saw it years and years ago don't remember anything about it except a motorcycle he rides on the motor right he does yeah he jumps the barbed wire fence which is how you're supposed to escape from prison you'd have to jump the barbed wire fence i think that's smuggle in a motorcycle at the end of succession i'm predicting greg cousin greg jumps the barbed wire fence to get off manhattan island yeah uh yeah that one has the whistle song the whole time. That's Bridge Over the River Kwai, isn't it?

Isn't it both? Wait, what's the song from Bridge Over the River Kwai? It's Colonel Bogey's March. Is it that one? That's The Great Escape. That's The Great Escape. That's The Great Escape. Do they not whistle that?

And then Bridge Over the River Kwai is... that's the great escape that's the greatest that's the great escape do they not whistle that and then uh bridge over the requirement is uh yeah okay yeah you play that on piano or just one head yeah good yeah yeah exactly that's a real crowd pleaser that's you know did you when you were a kid when you were learning did you like do you have to sit on the same bench as the kid and like do the one part and they do the other part no no no well sometimes i do i'll play a duet with them actually i think that's a really good way of teaching is being able to play with the kids because it teaches them to listen and have a sense of rhythm um because then you can kind of sync up but no generally i just sit there and uh just ask them

why they didn't practice and come up with some creative excuse what do they usually say sometimes kids are very honest they're just like yeah didn't feel like it i'm like all right i can respect that yeah you know some kids are super busy like a lot of kids now like especially in vancouver they they have so many extracurricular activities they're doing like soccer they're doing martial arts they're doing math tutors they've got their piano lesson they've got another instrument i'm just like you like you guys are like you guys like the overscheduled yeah just give them uh the great escape and then there's the walk away you don't need to sign them up for all these activities when you get enough time to watch all these clint

eastwood movies you guys i just can't imagine having the type of patience it would take to watch a clint eastwood movie as a kid i i show my kids the newer ones uh we watched the mule and gran torino um and the ones that he directs we watched uh the one about richard jewell the kids really loved richard jewell kids what do you want for christmas he didn't do it you get his like uh hard drive full of porn that wasn't the crime though that was the crime it was the court of public opinion dad yeah i know i know i watched the movie with you he was a hero oh um yeah oh clinty's good giving us the uh the real underdog heroes hey he plays the piano too

wow clinty's what does he seems like he's got a lot of talent and uh you know he's still directing movies what is he 92 or something like that yeah he started in the silent film era and then uh you know early vaude, early vaudeville. Early vaudeville. So you know how when you search on something, I don't know, on Chrome, if you just type in like, if I type in Dave Shumka, it will say Canadian podcast or underneath before I even hit enter. But for Clint Eastwood, the thing that comes up guess what it says uh sully alive question mark it says former mayor of carmel by the sea that's right he kind of just did a stint as a mayor and like a sheriff as well maybe well uh you are right he is 92 92 still directing

still i i gotta say his latest movies i do enjoy watching them because it is a lot of it's they're they're very much movies where there's just a lot of talk courtroom drama and talk i did like sully i don't want to go back To the Westerns but I've never seen Unforgiven I bet that's good Yeah that was shot in Alberta I have like a whole collection on my DVR of like

Movies from the 80s and 90s That are things that like Oh yeah I heard this was good but I was a kid at the time And I never I don't know if I need to watch a dead ringers or, uh, uh, yeah.

Broadcast news. Like, I mean, one day I'm sure I will and I'll like it, but yeah, I just never find the time. Um, yeah.

Yeah. Broadcast news is, it's fun. Um, but I know that you've tried to introduce old things from when you were a kid to mario and poppy and i don't know mixed results they love mr bean they love mr bean they really liked uh honey i shrunk the kids that's a good one yeah and that's about it that they liked i mean i have like either thought et looked weird and they couldn't uh he did look

weird yeah i mean like the first time he shows up on screen they were like that's him he doesn't turn into something else he's just like yeah uh yeah no like miles does your dad make you watch like the original star wars when you were a teen or whenever you would absorb it and yeah so they actually the remaster versions came out in theaters when i was a kid so i actually got to see them in theaters and did you think they were slow and boring oh i loved them i totally love it you know what i think it's just the also the music is so good in those movies. Like John Williams just knocks it out of the park.

They're so iconic. Like I think as a little kid who had like, I love music so much, hearing those great 90s scores, like even the music from like Mouse Hunt. I watched that over Christmas recently. And that thing slaps. The soundtrack to that frigging is amazing

can you hum a few bars? dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun over over Christmas recently and that thing sl the soundtrack to that frigging yeah i love sylvester he did did you do back to the future you did back to the future he did forrest gump ah yeah oh yeah i mean just you hear forrest gump's score you know and when he's talking to jenny's grave and that you hear the clarinet and i just tear up every time like you've been talking about it now i'm like i probably shouldn't bring it up i'm gonna get emotional clarinet just goes right to the center of my soul yeah yeah it'll do that that movie was a little uh you really manipulated the emotions didn't it yeah stupid story i should ban it pretty stupid story that then just plays with your emotions yeah what if a guy met dixon and jfk and taught elvis how to dance

uh yeah um that is kind of yeah it was kind of a silly movie i did a thing at cbc music where i found all these moments from movies that were like the little like winking jokes about uh and there's like uh the time forrest gump meets elvis and elvis is like show me that little dance you did again and there's like one it's uh bill and ted it's when uh beethoven is in the music store in the mall and the guy from the guy from the music store is like do you play piano and he gives him a look like do i play piano i'm freaking beat tovin over here you miles you really should see that movie it's yeah the more i think about it the more i think it's it translates i'm glad they did like a tasteful wig and they were like do you play

the piano he's just like what i'm like do you play the piano and he's just like what? I'm like do you play the piano? I don't understand puts up that horn or whatever they really don't touch on his deafness no yeah and he it's good because everybody speaks their language not everybody speaks English

so they can't communicate to Socrates or Napoleon or Joan of Arc. Joan of Arc. Yeah. It's a really good movie. I might watch it this afternoon. This afternoon, Graham?

It's not even a nighttime watch? Oh, maybe it's a nighttime watch. Yeah. Doesn't that feel kind of unwholesome when you've watched a movie in the middle of the day and it's super bright out although yes uh bill and ted does have like a saturday afternoon vibe yes yeah absolutely um and i like bogus journey and i even like the redo that they did on netflix so um which i don't know that just seems to be a thing that's just going to keep happening, that they're just going to remake, you know. I mean, they're remaking Little Mermaid, or they've done that,

so everything's, that's as far back as I can remember in their catalog. Right? Like, that recent, not recent. Oh, yeah. You know. Oh, sure. Because they did Lion King and Aladdin and all that. Yeah.

I guess that was the first of the new, the renaissance of Disney. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't remember the plot, except that she goes up and can't speak. Maybe that is the whole plot. Right? That's basically it. Yeah.

She trades her voice for legs. What would you pick? Voice or legs? Right? That's basically it, yeah. She trades her voice for legs. Hmm. What would you pick, voice or legs? Keep in mind that you don't have a fishtail. You just don't have any legs in you, or you don't have a voice. I guess I'm going to go with legs, and then the podcast ends. Yeah. We could, yeah, we could do video where you write things down right on one of those screens that

goes in front of the camera so you can see with my feet oh i guess i still have arms but you can do it with your feet yeah maybe i'll do it with my feet that'll get us a lot more views miles what happens in the man with no name is that what, what is the, is he? I think it's a series, right? Isn't it a series of movies? What's The Man With No Name? Oh, Clint Eastwood. Oh, yeah, The Unknown Soldier. Is that, does that include like,

I don't even know the name of it, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly? Yes, so I think Good, Bad, and The Ugly, Hang Em High, Fistful of Doll of dollars i think those are the the three hang them high sounds like an 80s uh high school hijinks movie oh like we go to hagen high high school where everyone uh executes people that's how you pass your finals. High school during the French Revolution. Yeah. Do you actually a bird watcher or is that just a character

you were playing for CBC's The Debaters? Well, it's based on, so during the pandemic, I created like a 10 episode scripted CBC fake like satire show where i am playing that character patrick shanagant on living on salt spring island like talking about the birds but he just uses it as like a vehicle to talk about his neighborhood drama because joke was

that he's like you know there's like nothing bad happens to him like he lives in the most peaceful beautiful place in the world and he's like fabulously wealthy but he gets really upset about like his neighbors like tree branches not being trimmed and they're like blocking the view of the ocean and various that all tracks that all tracks um so yeah i did that and then i did that character on the debaters which I thought was really fun to kind of... But did you... You never actually watched any birds or looked at any birds?

Graham, I don't know what you're talking about. You... He does this character that... So I was wondering if he actually was a bird watcher. I mean, I'm not a bird expert. You just want to shift gears, but then if someone brings up Royal Canadian Air Force, you have to explain what that is.

But this thing that you know, oh, well, we can talk about that. My apologies to the people out there. I probably listened to more season bird shows. Royal Canadian Air Force was for people. No, no, no, no, no. We already did that. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Oh sure did we did we hear about the bird watcher okay

um here's what's going on with me uh so i got into a bit of an altercation with a person this week shit um i was i boy i guess it was like would you call it a road rage incident? Were you in cars? Uh, for part of it. Okay. Yeah. And then part of it was face to face. Yikes. Yikes. Uh, so a few days ago, I dropped my kids off at school and then I was headed to the pet

shop, uh, to visit the pet shop boys, but they were banned. Um, I was going to get some dog treats. Um, and I know that the, the pet shop where I was going to go, I know that out front, you cannot park your car, uh, until nine 30. There's it's, it's a, it's rush hour. You can't stop, you know, stopping in front of this pet shop before nine 30. So I'm like, I, I'm like, okay, I'm going to, when I go there, I'll park on a side street. It's rush hour. You can't stop. You're no stopping in front of this pet shop before 930. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to, when I go there, I'll park on a side street.

So as I'm getting there, I pull up and I see, I'm in the left lane. I want to apologize because describing traffic is the, it's like worse than describing what happened in a dream now you're in the left lane is this a left only lane or this is a lane that's just this is just there's two lanes going straight okay uh but the left lane is allowed to turn left and people are turning left and as i get near the um uh the pet shop i see that a a porsche su Porsche SUV has stopped in the right lane. And I'm like, oh, well, they can't do that right now. But I'm assuming someone is going to hop out and they're just going to keep driving. But they stay in the right lane for a long time. And I'm like stuck in traffic for a minute waiting for the people in the left lane to turn.

And then and I know that once I can get in front of this porsche i'll get in the right lane and then i'll go on to the side street yeah doing your civic civic uh duty yeah yeah uh and so i'm you know stuck in traffic uh and then eventually i managed to get ahead of this porsche suv and or get to like to the point where I could get ahead of it and then the Porsche SUV pulls forward even further and blocks me again and so I'm I'm still stuck in traffic and then finally I get around to this Porsche SUV and I don't know why they're what they're doing because they can't be there right they uh they're not signaling or anything and i don't know if they're gonna keep going keep driving so when i get around them i barely have

any room to turn and i honk my horn at them just to be like hey i'm going now yeah uh like you're being very unpredictable so just keep in mind i'm i'm here too right uh like was it just like a beep beep or was it like a bap oh it was a bap okay i guess we can discuss the the tone of the horn in a moment yes okay yes so i i go down the side street i park my car i get out and i walk and i see the people getting out of the porsche uh they've parked you're not allowed to park there at this time. They don't seem to care. And so they get out. The guy is like

40-ish. They're both 40-ish. The guy's kind of dressed like a skate punk. He's got frosted tips like he's got it all spiked up. No, he's got a baseball hat but it's on kind of crooked. So he gets out of the car He's got frosted tips like he's got it all spiked up. No, he's got a baseball hat, but it's on kind of crooked. Yes. And so he gets out of the car and the wife gets out of the car and they've got two dogs that they're walking into the pet store.

But I don't acknowledge them. I just go into the pet store ahead of them. Go in, buy my dog treats. On my way out, they come in and the woman walks up to me and she says, are you the guy who honked at us? And I said, yeah. And she said, why are you such a loser?

Wow. And I said, well, because you were blocking traffic. I didn't say I'm not a loser. You and my friends. I said, cause you were blocking traffic. didn't say i'm not a loser you and my friends i said because you were blocking traffic and she said no we were parking and i said you're not allowed to park there before 9 30 and she says yeah you are and i said there's a sign and she said no there's not

so you were what i think what happened here is they've done like big they're just a couple kids that are living in adult bodies yeah and so i'm only talking to her and then so she says no there's not and i'm like okay and she says why were you driving so fast and i uh i said i wasn't i was stuck in traffic because of you and um she says yeah you were and so so i um i just said okay and i started walking out and i turned to her husband and i go nice hat dork wrecked i'm having i am having trouble picturing you saying this so this is so not on brand well it was uh you ever have like a conversation with someone and then afterwards you're like oh i should have said this oh if only i had thought of that oh yeah absolutely this was

that this was the opposite of that i like everything she said to me, I answered right away. And I was, I don't know if I was a hundred percent correct, but they were 100% wrong. Yeah. Like they should not have been there. They should not have, uh, I mean, they should have seen the sign. Um, but they, uh, it was, even though I was like, I wasn't like searching for the right thing to say i i was confident i said the right thing every time it was still completely unsatisfying yeah because

they were just like like i'm sure afterwards they went out of the store and they looked at the sign and they were like well that sign's stupid anyway and it's it's 9 15 right now and i'm not allowed to park till 9 30 but 9 15 is basically 9 30 okay that guy sucked that guy was a loser why was he such a loser and i'm i'm not confident he heard me call him a dork but it's still nice good you did the right thing in saying what was on your mind instead of waiting for the perfect you know that that was good but um yeah nice hat dork that sounds like something a high schooler would say before he flips it off your head yeah there's that dork oh man yeah uh yeah so i um i got in a fight with these people and maybe like uh is there like if i had just gone beep beep do you think they would have been like oh he's okay

i don't know because i just see it and i always prefer it to the like like you know if it's somebody who's like not paying attention to go right or whatever you give them like a and uh kind of alerts the driver that they're doing something wrong but it's also it's also the um like i'm in my car in my own head like paying attention to what they're doing and being like these people are idiots like i'm getting madder and madder and they're like unaware of uh the world around them. So, of course, they think I'm a big loser. Yeah, that's true, because you're their wake-up call, and they are not ready for that.

No. You can't wake these people up before 9.30. No, yeah. They earned that Porsche via drugs, let's say. I don't know. porsche via drugs let's say i don't know they did seem like they seem like the kind of people who have like a lot of like um neon sign art in their house yes not like a sign from a bar but like like a wine o'clock neon sign i think i teach their kids piano you're my only friend miles

um miles have you ever been a confrontation like at all or are you like confrontation averse you know i learned from the movies i watched as a kid it's best just to pull out your six shooter and just shoot them right in the chest. Yeah. Right off into the sunset. I've had no such confrontations that last longer than three seconds. Yeah, they all start with,

excuse me, sir. Yeah. Call me a loser. That's it. Is there, I remember in like cowboy cartoons cartoons they would do a duel where they would have their backs to each other and they would like take 10 steps apart and then turn around and shoot does that is that a real thing in movies even

or am i just picturing one cartoon i think that's an earlier era of dueling i think that's from more of the uh the war and peace era this is like 1830s i think later on they just sort of stand outside under the clock yeah also like it's those guns from the elizabethan times are uh they're wildly inaccurate yeah you're as likely to shoot off your own fingers that'll show them yeah your gun just explodes in your hand oh man oh man good for you good for you yeah i guess so i didn't it felt like it was a bad day the rest of the day i was in a bad mood because yeah i went uh like when i was in Las Vegas, I walked past a guy who was asking for change. And I said, sorry, I have no change.

But he thought I said something else, like something about, like, we're all the same or something like that. Because he started screaming at me about this. We're not all the same. I live on the street. How long have you lived on the street for, you fucking man? And just for, like, blocks while i can still hear him just screaming at me and like maybe i should have gone back and like i didn't have any change but here's a come with me and we'll get some debit yeah sure i'll come come with me i'll gamble for

you but it was so unnerving i couldn't stop thinking about it this uh this guy is so angry and a thing i didn't say but ah you can't go back i can't stop thinking about it. This guy is so angry at a thing I didn't say. But, ah, you can't go back. I can't stop thinking about this woman saying, why are you such a loser? This was her first words to a stranger. Yeah. She must think it's the smartest thing that somebody could say, you know, offend somebody with. Well, it worked. Yeah.

I know. Doesn't that suck when you can't get it you know like it's just words in your head like oh why why are they so mean yeah i mean sure her husband had a nice hat and he was a dork but fine yeah anyway i hope they got a ticket yeah me too i mean they they could pay it because they got a porsche oh yeah yeah yeah of course but that's why i think if they're like dumb then i feel like that's drug dealer money or maybe a rich but they're in their 40s so maybe yeah there aren't enough movies about dumb drug dealers yeah like it's all scarface and he's like super ambitious and stuff it's never just like

you gotta be ambitious to get into the drug game because everybody wants you out you know you got to really work your way in there who wants you out the already drug dealers that are in there they want they don't want you on their turf i'm sure they say that still um yeah miles have you ever been a drug dealer i've lived next to some pretty epic drug dealers yeah shawnee and lake used to be kind of a hub if you will of uh girl ops and meth labs oh okay you know back in the um back in the glory days and uh i remember once the neighbor's house like you can tell a drug dealer because they just start to pile up atvs and jet skis that's like the way i don't know if there's like one man living in a place and there's like a two-to-one atv for residents right you know there's criminal activity going on

and i remember one day there we just saw like six police suvs outside the guy's house which was sad because he let us use his atvs all the time we were pretty sad that all the drug money atvs were no longer going to be uh of use to us but that's so funny that somebody would get that money and the only things they could think to spend it on are four-wheelers and jet skis every time there's not a jet ski person in the world yeah i think it's pretty pretty much the thing it's like it's like a one-to-one like police just stake out jet skis don't just follow the jet skis that's how it starts every investigation starts on a lake with binoculars.

Now that guy got a new jet ski. Do you remember when the guy that he was running for prime minister and he came in for a press conference on his. See do. What was, what was Stockwell day? Yeah. Do you, do you remember that miles or are you too young for it?

That's because Bombardier makes them? No, I think. It's like a Canadian thing? I don't know what the logic was. I think he was just trying to look like an electable. A cool drug dealer. Yeah, kind of just wanted to look like an electable candidate. Like, this guy is a normal guy. He goes

jet skiing. And then everyone was like, wait a minute, we hate jet skis. They're so loud. He must have swept Kelowna though, right? Yeah, I think he probably did. He swept all the lake towns. I can't remember that. I remember Jean Chrétien, I think was my earliest

prime minister memory. Of him what? Joking a guy. I remember Jean Chrétien. I think it was my earliest prime minister memory. Of him what? Joking a guy? I remember the pie minister incident or when he got pie in the face. I remember a lot of great air farce episodes. Yeah. Jean Chrétien.

What were those big things? He got a pie in the face. He choked a guy. He always said he was from Chewinnigan. There was a guy who got past security and he like strangled the guy not to death and then didn't someone break into his house like when he was prime minister and uh he was like defending himself with like a statue like a very sharp statue yeah i guess he was like a guy you just in general didn't want to

fuck with because he he seems to really mean business but also the canada doesn't take good enough precautions for our prime minister uh like you know what i mean like you would never get that close to uh joe biden you know what i mean like you would never be that close to Joe Biden. You know what I mean? No. You would never be able to get onto the grounds and into the bedroom where they are. You'd be vaporized by the time you got there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is cool. It is cool. Yeah. John Groucho and Roxy. He's still alive. It's cool how you have access to our politicians up here. Yeah. Yeah.

Because you can really get in their face and express your views yeah yeah anyway i uh got in a fight at the pet store what's up with you um oh i got in a fight with a panhandler man so that's uh that's true i yeah you've been you've been married for a week. Yeah, that's right. Um, how's the first week? Uh, honeymoon's over.

It's been really, really tough. You know, all of a sudden there's a, you know, don't throw that out the window. And all of a sudden new rules that I never heard of before. Don't pour stew down the toilet.

And this is, um, but, uh, before don't pour stew down the toilet and this is actually um but uh i went and saw a live music show and it was in a church and uh it was very weird i think the people who were putting on the show had never put on a show ever before because everything was wrong with it every single element of it was wrong uh first of all they had the person like with a ticket thing they had that they had the thing to scan the ticket so they they had that was the one thing they had they hadn't put up any chairs so when you came into the venue you had to grab a chair and then put it down and sit wherever you wanted.

Exactly. And so there was no, at one point there was no way to get out. So who was this artist? His name is Bonnie Prince Billy. Ah. He's like a folky kind of musician. And this place, so this was a church. Were there pews?

There were two pews. And that's what I was saying on one of the pews. Two pews? Two pews. And that's, maybe they have other ones that they can drag in. I have no idea. This is, everybody had to pick their own chair. Nobody knows to make a lane for people to get in and out. Everybody's violating every fire code in the book.

Parking right in front of the emergency exit um but i've never been to a concert where you were allowed to you know aside from like uh you know general admission but i don't think i've ever been to one where they don't even have chairs it's uh it's very weird i just imagine they were like folding chairs or they were stacking chairs? Stacking chairs. Oh, man. Yeah. It was really weird.

And the venue, not air conditioned. It was a very warm night. Full to the brim of people. Everybody was dying. Everybody was sweating. Everybody was going nuts. And, you know, it wasn't a thing on the ticket like bring a water bottle or anything like that. Was there anything? Were there refreshments no no refreshments uh they yeah you couldn't even get a bottle of water so people were going down to the bathroom today like scoops of water

out of their hands yeah oh yeah it was it was extreme and uh the concert was really good he was he's really a good entertainer um was he sweating he was wearing a jacket so like i don't understand when a person comes out on stage in a jacket it blows my mind that somebody could be that it makes me so jealous of yeah red hot chili peppers who can just get away with being shirtless everywhere yeah or your iggy pops and uh you know when you see you pop in a shirt you're like it's not right at least untuck it um but yeah he was wearing a jacket which is crazy i don't know how people do that do they just stink they probably stink but he wasn't like pouring sweat because that would be my worry is just like just slick with uh sweat um so then he but he had a an opener and i've never

i assumed that she was accompanying him because she walked down on stage and there was like a ton of technical stuff, like a mixing board and a thing that I don't know, and a computer and like some other, like a keyboard. And, uh, she played, she played,

you know, like I was, it made me remember it about the Royal BC museum that, uh, there, like if you go to an exhibit, that remember about the royal bc museum that uh they're like if you go to an exhibit that's about the ocean like about uh you know that was the music that she was playing just kind of like a was she playing any instruments or just this like mixing board no she had mixing board she had keyboard she had computer and she had some other thing that i don't know what it is and uh but yeah it was her and the whole time she was like adjusting just

adjusting this knob adjusting that knob and moving this up moving it down and uh she didn't she would just stop at the end of the song and people didn't really know that the song was necessarily over and then we'd applaud but then she'd go right back into it even mid applause like we didn't really know that the song was necessarily over. And then we'd applaud. But then she'd go right back into it, even mid-applause. We didn't get a chance to participate. Did she sing? No. Huh.

She just came up and made her whale music. So it was weird. I've never seen an opening act like that. So it was kind of a new experience. I once saw an opening act for, I it was kind of a new experience i once saw uh an opening act for i went to see the french band air and their opening act was two people one with a singing saw and one with a theremin see there was a lot oh both of both instruments yeah that's true both warbly instruments um yeah the uh um it's it was kind of like you remember that episode of

friends where ross is playing a keyboard that's just all sounds that was what this was it was like bird sounds wave sounds whale sounds oh cool all mixed together so i've never seen anything like that i've never been so hot at a show like i that was a show that i wished i was shirtless for because it was too it was yeah it was too much i think this might be the year i become a shirtless person yeah you know as long as you know what it saves you from being chafed if you ever go run a marathon or something you want i will i'll tape up my nipples regardless well because you don't want to be crass, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Um, next time you have a road rage, just take that shirt right off. Yeah. Your first step. Oh, this guy means business.

You think I'm a loser? Yeah. Check these out. Swing on these. You're a dork. Do you like, it's like um remember in the 80s or no in the 90s where like comedians would open up for a musical act like it would be like this comic open for diana ross or something i've heard about that but I never witnessed it. I never witnessed it either, but have you ever seen a comedy act opening for a music act,

Miles? No, I did a show at Tall Tree Music Festival once, but it was sort of in the morning. It was like pre the music, but it was not, I wouldn't say it was opening for a musical act, but it was actually really fine. It was actually a really good time.

I was surprised. It was like 10 a.m. Everybody everybody's hung over and then i'm just riffing about i feel like past guest sean devlin opened for a few opened for like of montreal at richards on richards yeah yeah that's like that's the kind of thing i just remember if you watched uh&E's evening at the improv that would be a credit I was open for Reba McIntyre I was open for the Righteous Brothers they're on tour?

no just at home practicing but he goes up tells a couple jokes lift the spirits of everybody there yeah so that i went to a very very sweaty concert they could have made so much money selling water they would have made triple their money if they're you know and also the the merch table like just got moved like more and more into where nobody could reach it. As people were putting their chairs, it was like, okay, let's move the merch table back, back, back until it was way in the back.

It sounds good. That's one thing I don't miss about going to shows. There's so many venues that aren't air conditioned in the summer. Yeah. And I can't do it, man. No. No. in this like there's so many venues that aren't air conditioned in the summer yeah and it is uh i can't do it man no i don't know not at my age it's uh that's kids games hot venues did they not have any chairs set up because they were hoping you were all gonna dance and then you just heard like the whale sounds lady and then everyone's like better pull up a chair it would have been great

if she played like a couple of whale songs and then just a cover of like are y'all ready for this or something what if like what if they hadn't had chairs would everyone just sat on the floor yeah that's what i feel would have been the i would i would be able to tolerate two minutes of the concert and then be like, I gotta get in a chair. This is, this sucks. Sitting on the floor sucks. Um,

yeah, that's, I've walked away from activities where people are sitting. I've been to, yeah, I've been to a few shows where it's like, Oh, it's such a quiet concert that I guess we are now going to sit on our,

on the floor. Like Phil. Yeah. a quiet concert that i guess we are now going to sit on our on the floor like phil yeah um but yeah it was a good show but it's just very i've never had anything like that before at a show is he a solo or is there a band with him no he's solo he's solo on the guitar and um he did a weird thing and i didn't really understand it but like before his last song he put like glitter paint under his eyes i was like why did you do that just before the last song like the song wasn't called glitter something but it was like why didn't you just have that the whole time or not do it it seemed like a weird time to to put on to do costume change still kept the jacket on i guess at that point he would have sweat so much in it that it would show

that he was sweating so you just had sure you got to keep that yeah although like some guys i feel like you know you see footage of bruce springsteen and he's just soaked with sweat and it's the whole thing yeah that's true's true. Like Louis Armstrong just soaked. Yeah. Well, Louis Armstrong's got the little handkerchief. Miles, who's your favorite sweaty artist? Yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, for sure. Oscar Peterson. I love watching videos of him playing the piano because he'll be tearing it up with one of his hands while he's dabbing his forehead with a handkerchief with the other hand and i'm just like my lord he's better than most people while he dabs yeah it's incredible do we want to move on to some overheards? Yeah. All right. You probably already have a favorite animal. Maybe it's a powerful apex predator like the tiger or a cute and cuddly panda. And those are great.

But have you considered something a little more unconventional? Could I perhaps interest you in the Greenland shark, which can live for nearly 400 years? Or maybe the jewel wasp who performs brain surgery on cockroaches to control their minds. On Just the Zoo of Us, we review animals by giving them ratings out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics. Listen with friends and family of all ages to find your new favorite animal with Just the Zoo of Us on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. I'm Jordan Cruciola, the host of Feeling Seen, where we talk about the movie characters that make us feel seen.

And I'm the show's producer, Marissa. Jordan, you've interviewed so many directors, actors, writers, film critics, and I like to play this little game where I take a sip of coffee every time someone says, that's such a great question. That's such a fabulous question. Or they tell you how smart you are. I think that you are rather brilliant. And of course, the big one is when they cry unexpectedly.

Jordan, I don't want to cry on your podcast. I wasn't expecting to cry. I mean, it makes me kind of want to cry. Feeling Seen comes out every Thursday on MaximumFun.org. Listen already. What are you waiting for? Jordan, that's such a great question. Overheard.

Overheard is a segment where, you know what? There's a lot of fun things out there to listen to. You know, if you've got one of those beethoven horns you can hear ones you know clear across the street unless you're beethoven you can hear anything uh but yeah we want you to uh send them our way if you want to send one in by email you can send it to spy at maximum fun.org and we always like to start with the guest miles do you have an overheard i do have an overheard this is uh from a couple years ago uh i was at the grocery store waiting to uh go to the cashier and there was a a dad with his son just in front of me and uh the dad

went to pay for his groceries and uh the card got declined and his son might have been six years old laughed and said lol wrecked oh shit i never forgot it i just could see the fortnight behind the kid's eyes just dancing in the sparkle it's like this poor dad he's the turbo charged his son yeah man what do you say back if a kid says that video like you got to come up with some lingo yeah oh shut up shut up donkey kong shits on you something like that no you're wrecked you. No food for you tonight. No dinner for you, son.

Yeah, lol. You're wrecked too. I'm going to yeet this card. It's going to get yeeted. No more loot boxes. One week. No more Fortnite skins. You're wrecked.

Son. My boy. Son? I think you're wrecked son my boy son i think you are right can't believe you said lol like yeah oh my god would have plugged in child yeah and then his dad dabbed yes his dad was he was challenging him the only way he knew how. Yeah. I'm dabbing much like Oscar Peterson is dabbing that one hand while he plays with the other hand. So hard. Because you're going to have to dab. Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard?

Sure do. This is an overseen. I was on the internet. You guys got to plug into this thing, man. What's going on in there? It's like this, boy, I guess the best way to characterize it would be like, do you know what a superhighway is? Yes. Yeah.

Okay. Do you know what information is? Vaguely. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's the information superhighway. Cool. Cool.

Wow. That's cool. Well, that's what I'm going to start calling it to anybody who has it. And I was on one of these so-called websites. Okay. Do you remember learning about the internet in the beginning and everything had a quote around it? The first time you learn about any internet lingo, it's got a quote around it. Yeah.

A website and a chat room chat room yeah website didn't make any sense because even when they said worldwide web you're like what the hell does that mean that you're i don't know like it sounds like a weird information superhighway makes more sense yeah but web makes more sense though yeah you know after super highway i feel like you gotta you know if you you want to go from place to place a highway seems very straight oh yeah that's a web you're like bouncing around different making different connections fair they're fair yeah i agree uh all right all right we solved that uh so i was on this internet and I was There was an Article that came up

In the like little sidebar Advertised to me And the title of this article was 13 luxury underwear Brands that are anything But pants Oh those are nice underwear Are those pants? Uh-uh they're anything but

they're the furthest thing from pants it's it's like the type of it's like somebody who's never heard of underwear before trying to write an ad like these are definitely not pants yeah i've heard of pants and they go in the same place a A lot of pants go, but don't be fooled. These are anything, but they're tighter and smaller and under. Yeah, exactly. They're anything but pants,

no pockets. I guess they are. And there's no zipper or, uh, you know, there's one pocket in the, in the underwear. Oh,

you mean like where, where the little guy goes yeah sure is there not uh i guess that's what do you think miles does that count as a pocket uh what is the pocket i'm just thinking about any of my pants i'm thinking like this is like a women's dress code poster from 100 years ago anything but pants no miles we're wondering specifically is the little hole in the underwear a pocket a little hole and you know i have hole i don't have any hole in the underwear oh i got specifically didn't get those because i had problems with okay with sneakage yeah

doctor yeah yeah say no more i want it locked in it's not christian to have anything sneak out i keep it locked in sealed good good good anything but underwear these pants are anything but underwear these underwear are anything but underwear you know i don't think it's a pocket but i do think it's a sneak hole you're right yeah it's trying to sneak out on you yeah what have i told you we've had had this discussion. Get in there. Stay in there. You're very sneaky. That's what I say to it every night. Yeah, and you play the mousetrap theme.

He's getting away. Sing it again. Christopher Walken's there. Such a good movie. Sounds great. I'm picturing it with a penis, but it's still good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And is it Nathan Lane? Nathan Lane. Yeah. Nathan Lane, Christopher Walken. Wow. And they're trying to catch the mouse? They're trying to catch the mouse. Yeah, the mouse is ruining the old mansion

that they're trying to sell. And so a lot of physical comedy happens probably hard to sell if it's got mice running around everywhere even just one mouse yeah but he's driving a little car or something and you're like yeah i know oh yeah he's smart he ruins their life sure well i know a man who you know went against a bee and uh ruined his life as well do you know uh does boy i don't want to spoil the ending but i'm guessing that they end up destroying the house themselves oh like like just like they they uh they they make such a mountain out of a mall hill everything to the best of his abilities yeah and then they just bulldoze the whole place that's

pretty good that's not i wouldn't say bulldoze i'd say just like in their efforts to destroy this mouse they destroy this house right that's my guess okay yeah but i'm no script doctor it's quite an i know bruce the lunch very accurate okay well i'll still check it out though yeah i recommend um i overheard oh yeah there was a woman on the train on her phone very much not understanding whoever was on the other end of this call like not getting her to repeat things and asking, like, how do you mean? And just, like, that basically conversation over and over and over again. And then at one point she says, I swear I'm usually smart. I swear it.

This is exceptional. It's just so hard to figure out. I'm yeah. I'm the same. If somebody is trying to like, are you, can you do this day and that day? And you know, this time that I do get very confused quite quickly. If it's that like where I don't have something to write it down and I have to do it in my head. Or if I can like, yeah, I need to, I, I would rather simply just, yeah.

Email me the list of money I need to give them. Yeah, that kind of stuff. I don't know why you're having this conversation on the train. It's a hard to follow conversation. I don't have any conversations at all. Yeah, you do. There was this one time with a guy in a hat. That was a conversation. Yeah, well do. There was this one time with a guy in a hat. That was a conversation.

Yeah, well, I didn't want to. I didn't want to have that conversation. Also, if someone honks at me, you know what I do? Finger? I either get really mad or I ignore it, but then it's over. I don't go back and talk about it. Yeah. It's me.

It's my problem. i'll deal with it the uh yeah exactly i know what i did sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry or fuck you but either way have you ever been to this has happened to me many times where i go to a party and there's somebody who like tangentially there like a friend of a friend is at the party and inevitably i'll be in the corner talking to that that person having a conversation of meeting new people yeah and instead of like talking to my friends that are there at the party and you're just stuck kind of oh yeah yeah and it's uh yeah foosball is cool i mean it should get of a table. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I guess, yeah. Alan Silvestri did do some good songs. The Forrest Gump one, yeah, I guess that makes me kind of sad. I'm sorry, Graham. You could have said something. I didn't know I was boring you. No, not at all. I'm not in a corner.

This is no party. I don't consider this a party but i do i went to uh a wedding where a lot of the people there were there were a lot of comedians and so there were lots of people i want to talk to but then i got stuck talking to somebody's cousin and i was like what the fuck why i didn't try to make this conversation happen and now i'm trapped in it um yeah it was i got talked i was like talking to this old lady who wanted to rub ben gay on me so this woman said that to you and you didn't know what ben gay was and you didn't even look it up yeah you know what i i sort of guessed what it was i said to me it sounded like old timey

cream and that was enough for me i just just like, that sounds like old cream. And I just thought, that's all I needed to know. Well, kind of in a metal tube, you know, that's kind of. That is a nice thing about playing the piano is that you can avoid a lot of conversations at parties. But, you know, it's like Christmas time is perfect. Like, you know, a lot of relatives, you know, they want to ask me what I'm up to.

They want to ask, what child is this? What child is this? Yeah. I can't think of any other Christmas song questions. Where did good King Wenceslas go? I'm like, he went to town. He went to town. Where did he look out?

On the Feast of Stephen. Yeah, the Feast of Stephen. Just a quick little trivia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. just a quick little trivia yeah yeah yeah

um we also have overheard sent in to us by listeners all over the world if you want to send one in

send it in to SPY went to town that's not part of it no it's not did he just totally lie about the word

did he not go to town? No. I gotta look this up. Go to the information superhighway quick. Yeah. Good thing Wenceslas had a farm. E-I-E-I-O. That's what it is.

Mm-hmm. He went to town. It didn't mean he went to town. He went to town. It's a figure of speech like he went to town on that feast yeah oh rick yeah ham yeah you went ham um this first overheard comes from gabriel in cleveland i was watching cnn video about some new scans that were able to do uh like a 3d model of the titanic wreckage ironically the advertisement they played before the video was for viking cruise lines no friggin way yeah no

friggin way man yeah that's like uh that's just good product placement. You're already thinking about a boat. Everyone can kind of, I think you're over, we're over the Titanic. I think you actually want to, if you see anything about the Titanic, it makes you want to go on a cruise. There's a whole Titanic museum inside the Luxor Casino. And it's been there for decades, as far as I know. And it's like stuff from the ship stuff that they've stolen i guess plunder yeah because like they i remember when it was like when there used to be like one movie they would show on a on a plane yeah before everyone had a screen it would

just be like one movie for the whole plane and i'm like what if they picked a movie with a plane before everyone had a screen it would just be like one movie for the whole plane and i'm like what if they picked a movie with a plane crash that would be terrible and now you can just watch anything you want yeah at all times exactly and you can watch uh the the porniest of movies that you want we're all we're heading that way as a it's it's inevitable this is the arc of our society the eventual that you'll be able to get adult channels on the little screen yeah sure it is so strange to look up the aisles and see like 15 movies

at once going on you've got like Madagascar 2 then the next row graphics text yeah the next row plane crash scene we're only showing one movie on this flight but it's show girls so i think you're gonna have a lot of fun we're showing three movies but they're at the same

time on one big screen and it's all graphic sex and madagascar over top of each other it should be just clint eastwood that's the only thing you can select. Locked in. I hope this doesn't ruin Madagascar or the Porto movie. But here's Cry Macho from 2021. This next one comes from Tim S. in California. I had the rare pleasure of babysitting my granddaughter yesterday. We'd been playing outside. We have grandparent listeners? Yeah, I guess.

Hey, Miles. Wow. Come up a little business for you here. Yeah, hey, TMS, rub some Bengay on your fingy. We came back inside. My granddaughter brought her scooter with her and started riding it around the living room. I asked her if the mother let her ride her scooter in the house and she replied yes she just doesn't know it yet i'm gonna introduce her to the concept live and in person yeah yeah yeah once she sees

how great this is there's no way she'll stop me that's definitely a kid that says lol wrecked if they're riding a scooter in the living room i've wrecked your whole living room dude uh yeah man i don't know scooters they're they're an outdoor right they're 100 outdoor but like wheelies those are indoor outdoor right or do you those outdoor shoes yeah heelies yeah oh yeah maybe did you ever have them no no no no they were i saw them didn't have them yeah i saw them too yeah uh they were a little young for me although i wonder if they make them in my adult helis uh boys size six you just see like a guy cruising into a meeting yeah light up shoes were big too it was like shoes those are huge when i was a kid you just wear them until the batteries went out you you know, three weeks and knock them into garbage.

My kids have a light-up scooter. So when the wheels roll, it lights up. And it scoots. And safe. That's safe, too. It's safe, too, yeah, because my kids are often out at night cutting off Porsches. Just like their dad.

Cutting off Porsches. I didn't cut anyone off they were apparently parked and cut off shit dude you know what he was probably projecting he knows he's a dork so he's projecting on you that you're a dork but really he didn't talk at all it was all her she was the she was the only one who talked to me well i bet you that that's their whole relationship is like that he just wears his dumb hat that she made him wear yeah that's uh that's their kink she calls a guy a loser he parks badly they're just both sweating so much uh uh this last one comes from tim s from california i had the pleasure oh no wait wait the last guy was tim s yeah sorry no oh wait shit there were

two tim s's oh what no no no no i just sorry i double pasted a thing this last one comes from cory from albuquerque uh on an airplane landing on tampa florida a couple behind us were chatting and i heard the man say to the woman i'm just having a really hard time finding anyone to have a sincere conversation about scientology with and that's true it's true we're all a little skeptical we all uh think it might be well i'm not i think it's cool if anybody is yeah i'm having hard i'm having trouble finding people to have a sincere conversation about it with yeah but maybe if they take this personality test yeah uh i can maybe get in there work on your thetans

yeah if they hold these e-meters and uh yeah i forget all the words uh e pluribus unum yeah that's part of it too okay in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod, like these people have. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guest. This is Dallas from Urbana, Illinois. I'm calling you with an overheard. My family and I were at a local cafe, and I overheard this first little snippet of a conversation between a teenager and his mom.

At first I thought it was an affected British accent, but then when she talked, I realized that they actually were Britishish um and they were talking it sounded like they were talking about some some family member but uh anyway the teenager said um he said um i feel like if i was hanging out with robin williams he wouldn't annoy me but brian does anyway no freaking way love you guys uh if i was hanging out with robin williams he wouldn't annoy me, but Brian. Brian doing the same kind of shtick. Yeah. Is annoying. No, you like Brian.

He's just like Robin Williams. He's not. Yeah. Which one though? He wore a lot of hats as an actor, you know? Yeah. He was a goodwill hunter, Robin Williams. Yeah.

Yeah. Challenging a genius on his uh um was that movie bad or huh like i know that it won an oscar and whatever but is it like bad when you watch it now that it's got a little time and space i have you ever seen it miles yeah i've seen it yeah you think it's good or bad um the battle i watched it about i don't know about 20 years ago today 20 years yeah and i don't know i it's i when i think back it's weird how little of it i remember i think I remember it being good,

but I don't know how. I can't, like, it's weird how movies can just get deleted from your memory like that. Especially, there's not like big scenes I think about other than the hugging scene

where he says, it's not your fault. Yeah, I only remember the, him solving the thing. Yeah. And him talking to the ponytail guy and saying,

I got apples or whatever whatever i got a bushel of apples you want them do you want one yeah and wicked smart yeah apples i got your apples yeah come and get your apples it's about a guy who makes apples right makes them i think now it seems a bit egotistical to write yourself as like a hidden genius and cast yourself as like a super smart guy. I don't know. They probably flipped a coin and Ben Affleck ended up being the dopey idiot brother. No one's going to think Matt Damon's dumb after this.

That's true. He's cast himself a couple of times as a scientist or as a smarty. Yeah. As a Martian. Was the, was the was the other one lycian was that one uh elysium elysium was he in that yeah he was in that wasn't he super smart or man on mars or all that kind of man on mars he was super smart the martian is he called the Martian? I don't think he's a man on Mars. Where was good King Wenceslas? Did he go to Mars? He looked out on Mars. Is that where he went?

The Feast of Eden? Mm-hmm. He went out on the Feast of Eden. Okay. Here's my next phone call. Son of a your nonsense boys. Hey, Dave and Graham and Bottle Guest. This is Mitch C. from sunny San Antonio, Texas, calling in with an overseen.

There's a truck in my neighborhood that has a bunch of decals on the back window that are all about fishing. One of them says, Team Mo Fishing. And one of them says, Lake Life. And one of them says, Eat, one of them says eat, sleep, fish and the final one says Texas fish fuckers. Okay, bye. What? Texas fish fuckers. Sounds like a bowling team.

You know, something like that. Yeah, I mean... I guess you're not really allowed to swear at the bowling alley. Like you can. Really? You can make your name ass. Yeah, I think you can not really allowed to swear at the bowling alley. Like you can. Really? You can make your name Ass. Yeah, I think you can do Ass, but I remember wanting to do my name as Pud from those little comics that you used to get,

and it said you couldn't do Pud, but I was like, what the hell is Pud? I don't know. Could you do F-U-K? Oh, that's a good question. Or even F-U-Q? Yeah, that would have been good. Is there still water in Texas? I've got to look that up. good question yeah or even have you yeah that would have been good is there still water in texas i gotta look that up oh yeah it seems a little dry they're a little coastal aren't they

they're on the gulf aren't they yeah they're fine yeah they're good they're fine don't worry about texas we've got all these fish to have sex with. Yeah. Big fish because we do everything big in Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, here's my final phone call. And yours as well. Hello, Dave Graham. Probable guest.

This is Ray in sunny Springfield, Oregon. Calling in with an overheard. I was out at dinner at a local pub the other night for my mother-in-law's birthday. That is irrelevant. But we were in a really noisy part of the pub and the table kind of behind us. The guys that were sitting there were super loud. I assume they'd been drinking for a while. I couldn't understand what they were saying. And then just all of a sudden I made out one guy got really excited and said i mean where the fuck are all the dinosaurs uh and then i couldn't make out anything else from that conversation for the

rest of the night uh but it just totally made our night i i uh is that guy like a jurassic park guy that he's like thinks thinks Jurassic Park's real? He's like, where the hell are all these dinosaurs? Or what is he talking about? Is he an oil guy? Or is he like a skeptic? Like a evolutionary skeptic? Like, hey, if we come from apes, then why are there still apes?

Yeah. And where are the dinosaurs, by the way? Maybe we come from apes then why are there still apes yeah and where are the dinosaurs by the way maybe we come from dinosaurs maybe he's having a serious conversation about scientology finally i'm looking for someone to have one of those finally someone's talking about it yeah i'm here to talk about dinosaurs but you talk about whatever you want. We'll just listen to each other. We both have nobody to talk to. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Miles, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, this was a ton of fun. I learned more about the piano than I ever thought I would. So thank you for that. And thank you, everybody out there listening. We love you very much. and tuck yourself in nice tonight real nice and tight have a good dream and then come on back next week for another episode of stop by kazi yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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