Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 797 - Emmett Hall

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Comedian and musician Emmett Hall returns to talk scoring a movie, Dave’s new favourite TV show, and fighting for a taxi.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 797 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who just ate a delicious no carb meal, Mr. Dave Shumka. I mean, there's probably a carb and a mango. I mostly ate mango. Mangoes are, this is mango season. This is like...

Yeah, it's, I don't know. Usually I get the the big ones they didn't have the big ones so they have the little kind oh yeah yeah uh and i didn't know how to pick the right one uh but i picked two and one was good and one was a little too it was starting to good starting to turn but you know what uh sliced them up put a little salmon in there, avocado, sriracha mayo. There's got to be a carb in there somewhere. Yeah, sriracha's filled with them. It's like putting butter on everything. This is an episode we were going to record in person, but I am under the weather, and it's a bummer.

Last week we recorded in person, I was like, ooh, two in person in a row, and then I started feeling sick, and I was like, I guess we can't. I guess I'm going to be Mr. gonna be mr responsible yeah good for you thank you dave would you how do you what would you have done if i if you came over and i was coughing and wheezing uh i'd be like let's do this over zoom oh okay um uh, with us today, returned guest to the podcast,

don't know what he had for dinner. Very hilarious musician, comedian, writer. It's Emmett Hall. Hey, Emmett. Yeah. I'm back, boys. Emmett, when were you last here last here you've been here in zoom once because at least because I know you had a piano with you oh yeah right oh god did i uh yeah last time i was here it was the it was the um i think it was the weekend before

graham did you did your 24-hour show oh yeah yeah so that would have been december of 2021 2021 yeah yeah and i i had the best i had to report was watching Harry Potter movies believe me when you hear what I have watching Harry Potter will seem pretty fantastic but you would have been reading it too because I remember you had

a very you noticed something about J.K. Rowling's writing that was it was quite preposterous thank you very much thank you very much that will be enough of that thank you very much yeah uh no that was i read i read a first chapter when like when i was a teenager oh i guess in my late teens or early 20s and i that's and i then i skipped and then i didn't and you could tell even back then that she was uh she was anti-trans.

Yeah, because there was a whole thing about what Harry wants to go into a bathroom and it says muggles and... Mudbloods. Yes, exactly. She knew how to court controversy, even back then. So I'm reading the fourth book now, uh, out loud 15 pages at a time. It's taking six months and, uh, but we got it for free. Thank you very much. Uh, I've not given this woman any money.

Thank you very much. And, um, uh, the, the, the shorter books are a lot tighter. There are a lot, uh, there are real page turners. These long ones are oof i wonder if it's kind of like uh like a band getting pretentious with each album starting to make longer i'm gonna like i'm gonna do a double oh yeah well who's been the worst for that like in in music history who's been like their early stuff was just the best. And then they departed completely from it. I mean,

a very, a very, uh, hilarious route to go down is, um, sort of thrash metal bands in the eighties, like Metallica, mega death.

And, and that those guys getting scared by the nineties and trying to conform here. Oh, they're awful sort of pseudo grunge and there's just eyeliner and desperation and bowler hats and but i don't know those guys all have a pretty good catalog for a few a few albums so what it makes me think of is uh arrested development not the band the tv show it was on fox it was 22 minute episodes and then it went to Netflix and they were like, oh, the episodes

can be as long as we want. And I don't know if I made it through that many more of them. Those are a test of attention span for sure. You gotta like concentrate the whole time when you're watching the show. Yeah, I don't like concentrating. I just want, just give me jokes man. Speaking of which, we got

the jokester himself, Emmett Hall. We'll catch up with him after this break. Do you want, just give me jokes, man. Speaking of which, we got the jokester himself. Emmett Hall. We'll catch up with him after this break. Do you want to get to know us? Now to you, what sound were you making there? Is that a fish man? Uh,

is that a fish in a can? No fish. Well, yeah. Is it a fish in a can? Oh boy. I wish I'm so glad we're not in the same room. That was a classic Emmett's fish in a can? No fish. Well, yeah. Is it a fish in a can? Oh, boy. I wish. I'm so glad we're not in the same room. That was a classic Emmett's fish in a can.

Watch this fish do it in a can. You know how to paint a picture. That's the kitty cat that found him. Emmett, you are shortly, you're going to get on a plane. You're going to go to New York City. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Watch a movie that you are involved in.

Yeah. The past six months have been bonkers, boys. I got, I got all kinds of stories to talk about. Awesome. Most notably though. Um,

yeah, I'm going to go on a plane on Thursday to New York City, uh, where they make the salsa. Yeah. The seltzer or the salsa? The salsa. Okay. Um, and the seltzer or the salsa? The salsa. And the seltzer.

And because I, so Sean Devlin, past guest, comedian, writer, director, all around amazing man. People will remember Sean Devlin as our guest who most famously told us the story of buying a paper minion in Barcelona that he thought was the greatest toy of all time until he bought it and then realized he had been duped so he made a he made a feature film and uh he got me to score it so i this is my first feature live action movie did that i i've scored fully and composed um And it's at the Tribeca Festival. And so it's premiered a few days ago. And then it'll have two more screenings, I think one tomorrow and then one on Saturday. So I'm going to go catch the last one. And it's kind of snowballed because it got all kinds of heat on it.

We got executive producers like Adam McKay of Anchorman fame. We got Alan Cumming as an executive producer. That's right, the original Nightcrawler. We got... You guys remember 2003? Yeah. Can you believe Senator Kelly turned to liquid? Was that his name?

No, that was X-Men 1. Oh, was Nightcrawler not in X-Men 1 oh was Nightcrawler not in X-Men 1 no I think he was in the third one oh was Mystique in X-Men 1

yeah but Nightcrawler has that cool scene where I guess I'm sorry racist against blue people yeah this one had a tail

so that means they're from a different country of mutants but then also Joel Kim Booster who's a comedian and also they're a filmmaker too came on boardoster who's a comedian and also their

filmmaker too came on board so there's a lot of repute to throw around here in the executive producer role ill repute or good repute? I think it's good repute means good right? yeah yeah yeah again I don't know what executive producer means

it can be as involved or not involved. Well, what is that? I mean, I know a lot of people are like, oh boy, I'm hunting down executive producers. I don't need to know the name of the movie. I just want to know who executive produced it. No, yeah. Could you tell me the name of it?

No, no, no. So, Nightcrawler. X-Men 2 opens up. It's the White House. Yeah. How are you going to get to the president security's crazy oh okay what if you can teleport well it's changed didn't they yeah the movie is called a sog or a sog a sog i'm not too sure it's it's

it was filmed in the philippines and uh a sog is a reference to, um, I don't, I shouldn't give anything away. I was told, I asked if I was asking Sean, if I could talk about the movie. So just don't give any plot details away. Really?

You don't need to know what happened. It's spelled a S O G. Yeah. Yeah. It's since we can't settle on a pronunciation. Yeah. A SOG film.com. Um,

and it was filmed in the Philippines and it's sort of part documentary part narrative in that uh there's it's like a fictional story that that goes that traverses through real life events that happen there so a massive typhoon hit uh this island of uh oh gosh i don't want to pronounce it improperly. Sycogon? Sog? Yeah, not quite a sog, no. And so Sean thought, what's the best way to bring attention? How can I capitalize on this? Yeah, exactly. It's sheep down there. The weather's,

when it's not typhooning, it's quite nice. This is a second movie he's made down there too he made one with aaron reed and kayla lorette yeah and that was sort of a semi real thing as well yeah so he's bringing attention to real life stories with this through line of these these fictional characters so um uh so he wants to, you know, bring awareness and kind of have a, uh, a humanitarian bent to it with, without it being, well, at the same time, wanting to make sure it's entertaining, funny. The movie is very funny. It's very sweet.

It's very dramatic. It's got all, all the things you want in a movie at the same time. It's got real people. It sounds like you'll laugh. You'll cry. The feel good hit of the summer. Might be, might be. you want a movie at the same time it's got real people it sounds like yeah you'll laugh you'll cry the feel-good hit of the summer might be might be could be the sleeper hit you never know well fast x already came out yeah but that wasn't of the summer yeah that's the late spring this late spring feel-good hit of the late spring um emmet you scored this thing yeah um i've seen you

score improv scenes where you're playing a piano next to the improv yeah uh performers and they're like you know putting their arms through each other you know and under each other's armpits they're pretending they're a doctor they're pretending they're uh you know uh they're doing like a zoolander thing they're doing like a ace ventura kind of thing they're doing all the your main characters. And they're going, Blinky Blonk, and then as Scary's part, you go, Scary!

And then, is it like that? Did you have to do that? Well, that's why I was wondering, Sean, you don't want me scoring people going up and down stairs like a cartoon. I was quite surprised that he, uh,

it was either, um, he just has so much faith and trust in my skills and talents, or I was a guy he knew that would do it for cheap and wanted an opportunity. Um, and it's probably a little of both, but also how cheap was it? Would you, uh, what do you pay you? Yeah. Yeah. Down to the dollar, please. Um, it was probably a little of both, but also, how cheap was it? Would you,

uh, what do you pay you? Yeah. Yeah. Down to the dollar, please. Um, what are,

what line item are you? That's something I know happens in film line. Oh, geez. I don't know how that works. Well, no, me neither.

I just know there's a line producer and, uh, probably not that. Yeah, it's probably not that. Um, Emmett, how do you score a film?

Yeah, that's where you... You didn't want to talk about finances anymore? Okay. I mean, you can. It was a joke question. You know what? I'm ready to admit, joke question. Let's just say I didn't have to pay for this haircut.

Wait, so he paid you just in haircuts? You didn't get... Because if it was a good amount of money, you would have been able to pay for the haircut. Well, I'm just, he's a very accomplished barber. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. He's got his own clippers. So I'm set.

Good, good, good. Yeah, that was the other thing. My, everything I do now is on the is on the computer so i have uh i don't have access to an actual like symphony or orchestra that's what i was gonna ask so i've what i've got is is very fancy library samples uh in a computer system so um when he's giving me his temp references of, you know, people like Wagner. Oh, Sean really talks about Wagner a lot. It's upsetting. You know, like, you know, a guy who revolutionized scoring and orchestral sounds and lasted the test of time for the past 150 years.

lasted the test of time for the past 150 years um controversies aside uh he was hoping i could capture some of that essence on my laptop and when you say you had these library samples this is mostly of shushing sounds people going um yeah there's stamps uh yeah yeah um the occasional cough right well some of that kind of stuff it's a snore yeah yes it's a soft snore in the background but do you because i i literally i don't know how it works do you not write anything until the movie's finished or do you start like putting together together? I got to watch an edit of the movie, and then I started working on sort of R&D. I was kind of experimenting, being like, all right, how about this? Let's try out some of these themes, some of these motifs, kind of thing like that, and pitch them to Sean. And he'd point me in the right direction of what he liked. But then it's it's all

dependent on getting the the edit of the film and scoring directly to picture and what the the closer to finished product the better because as soon as he changes the edit that changes the length or feel of the music and and that can be quite a hassle so that happened was there anything like because I feel like before they came up with the Darth Vader death march there must have been some funny just playing kooky around you know

just seeing him walk in all serious and then playing like something fun like that some yackety sacks how many times do yackety sacks appear in this film just at the beginning and the end or somewhere in the middle Something fun like that. He did some yakety sax. Yeah. How many times do you get any sex appear in this film? Just as a being in the end or there, honestly, there are some spots that get pretty kooky.

The, the, I think it's also, he hired me because my, my musical vocabulary is quite, uh, diverse in that. Quite yakety,

quite yakety, quite sex, just yakky. Um, and I think it's because of because of working doing improv shows because every every couple minutes the scene changes the genre changes the mood changes and i kind of got to go with the flow and have like an arsenal of of genres to come up with so um and genres genre no that's a type of movie sean made a movie i can only describe as a shot in a genre um it's it's a form it's a form it's a style it's it's a vibe it's a genre it is a vibe yeah yeah if it was music it'd be a bop i think devling into the genre that is a sean devlin movie

yeah yeah um well you know that's the thing he's too deep is the is the theme all philippines or maybe i'm trying to think like what does wes anderson do lots of very beautiful colors and uh showing how meticulous everything is yeah yeah maybe sean's thing is the philippines pretty good and using uh using real life people oh yeah that's true yeah using real life people instead of uh phonies electronics yeah but i uh i did also the fact that it was all set in the philippines and he's asking me to i'm like i you know i don't i'm everything i'm right is going to be pretty western uh

so i was trying to incorporate some like, um, you know, there's like Balinese gamelan instrument called, um, uh, Kulin Tang, which is kind of like a, like a,

uh, like a xylophone gong kind of thing. So I was trying to bring in elements of that without it being too, uh, on the nose. Uh, but he, he had a pretty,

he had a lot of, uh, temp music out there already on the cut they said like just get the i want this sentiment here i want this kind of vibe here and when i would do my version he'd say no do it more like what i asked for yeah no and then yeah let me that back and forth i don't know have you guys ever worked with friends before in a really stressful creative endeavor? Yeah, we're doing it right now. Yeah. The stakes are high. Yeah.

I will correct Graham. We edit a lot of it out, but I do correct Graham. I say, no, no, don't say that. Set me up so I can, you know, say Western so I can do my Western song. You know, that was Emmett who said it. Is this the first time you've ever been to New York City or have you been in the past? I went in the past.

I went with the Sunday service when I was still playing piano for those folks and we went to an improv festival there in 2016 or something like that. So that was my first time. It would have been around the same time, June. Yeah. And this time I'm the same time, June. Yeah. And this time I'm going on my terms.

My dime. You're going to the Tribeca Film Festival. Do you know what Tribeca is short for? Because they're all like... Three Beckys. You're right. Name for three Beckys. Thank you.

There were three Rebeccas. There were three Rebeccas found at this neighborhood. There were sisters, too. There were three sisters named Rebecca. Their dad was dumb. Their dad was very stupid. He forgot he named them the last one Rebecca. He just loved that name so much. Yeah. I'm going to name my next one Rebecca.

No, you already have one. I did what? Becca Jr.? What does Tribeca mean? It is one rebecca no she you already have one i did what what is becca jr yeah what does try back i mean um it is the triangle below canal street exactly exactly that seems inefficient well where is the where's the actual screening is in tribeca or is it in manhattan or well manhattan tribeca is in manhattan it's the triangle below canal street yeah usually when it's like a canal street that's because there was a canal there or i think skid rowist refers back to like skidding logs through yeah everything goes that far back but it used to be a good thing to be living on skid row. It's weird that no matter what city it is,

it's become a bad thing. Like the logs predated a lot of misery. It used to be the commute system. You'd hitch a ride on the logs that were skidded. We're sliding around. The neighborhood is home to the Tribeca festival, which was created in response to the September 11th attacks. So you should bring that

up yeah gosh i had no idea that's when i started i thought it started in like the 70s or something yeah uh it's robert de niro's kicked it off i think something but yeah but he's not gonna be there because he's got a new kid on the way yeah he's he's breastfeeding. I mean, I don't know what I'm going to do when I go there. That's what he's saying when this kid was born. I don't know what I'm going to do. He's got, what, this is his fifth?

Eighth. Seventh. He's the OG Nick Cannon. And he's still getting it done. Oh, Nick Cannon's got more. more oh and he'll have more i think before the uh before the next decade is closed how many can he have is now it's it's just curiosity now it's it's actually the tribeck the triangle below nick Nick Cannon. So what are you going to do? You're there for a couple days. That city is so intimidating.

When you go to Manhattan, not intimidating, but just overwhelming. It's kind of like everything's there, I guess. Yeah. What are your hopes there? Well, I've heard there's an M&M store. Yeah. it's kind of like everything's there i guess yeah but what do you hope's there well i've now i've heard there's an m&m store yes there is i heard there's a how do they say it's like a donut but it's not just a donut it's like a crouton donut the donut crouton crouton yeah yeah it's a donut shape like it's a crouton shaped like crouton yeah it's a donut

shaped like it's a crouton shaped like a donut and people line up around the block for these croutonuts we've been leaving this block of dough

out for days yeah powdered sugar on it no I'm gonna go without uh any uh I'll take it as it comes. Okay. I'll just go with

the flow. Go with the flow. I mean, I land in Newark. Maybe I ought to stay there. Yeah, it's pretty nice. It's when you land there, you're like, I don't even know if I want to go to New York now that I'm here. It's a pretty beautiful airport. One of the most beautiful in the world. I wonder if anyone's had

an argument. It's like, no, we're in Newark. Yeah, we're in New York. No. We most beautiful. I don't know if anyone's had the, uh, an argument. It's like we are, no, we're in Newark. Yeah, we're in New York. No, we're here. This is it.

It's New York. Newark. Two different places. No, no, we're here. The thing that you see in movies does not exist. It is a.

And are you eating popcorn? Yeah. You know what? I'm realizing that's rude. This is the worst, worst thing I could be eating on a podcast. Would you eat popcorn during this movie at Tribeca? Do you think there's people eating popcorn in this?

You're getting into movie mode. Yeah. Yeah, I know. What kind of sodas can you get? I'll throw popcorn at the screen when it isn't my music. Because I should mention that a fellow named Kane McKenzie, who's a composer in Vancouver,ouver um also did about 10 15 percent of the music as well okay that's nice of you to throw some credit around i wouldn't if i

was you i'd denounce the whole his whole portion of it um yeah but it's whatever you whatever you listen to in the movie you don't like kane did yeah was it the did sean like did he get 85 through the moon he was like you know what emmett sit this out i i've heard enough of you sometimes i felt idea sometimes you'd get uh because everything we did was um over basically like uh all the notes and revisions was not through email but through something like slack or something called asana so you're just getting uh what would you call slack what is that uh i don't know but i know what i call a sauna that's much people getting around is that what you call it a bunch of people getting around yeah so sean and sean would this was his method he'd bring me into a sauna he'd sweat me out

he'd get me all lightheaded i couldn't put up a fight or uh refute any of his decisions and then he'd uh then i'd succumb and and uh yeah i said came in oh man with these uh with the swedish bikini team all right i do they just like pull an alarm. It's happening again. It's happening again. This is when it hits the ground. Emmett's having a meeting again.

So, yeah, I guess I should clarify. Asana, A-S-A-N-A, is like an online... What are these things? These meeting forums. Like a chat room. Discord, yeah, yeah. I would call Slack a chat room. Yeah.

Anyway, so. You ever use frame.io? Yeah, we were using that tons. So basically I was rarely talking to Sean because he was swamped and sometimes in another country. So I was getting notes. You get pretty swampy in the sauna. Yeah, exactly. And he. so i was getting notes in the sauna yeah exactly and he so i don't know if you have that if you

have that can can relate to the experience of you get notes via in a text form or in a copy form and it just hits that much harder because someone's just getting to the point and there's no nuance right so and i immediately am in a position to like there's there's nothing in the way of my ego getting bruised right and so i take it so i take it immediately i'm like oh of course do you know what that do you know what that's gonna take to fix it 10 minutes to fix that note um and then yeah yeah so were they notes like this is, but if you saw him in person and be like, this is bad. Yes. Basically.

Yeah. I think it was always tone or just, um, him having to, uh, his bandwidth was like completely sucked up. So he was just having to like, just do it less like that.

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's okay. That's a note. That's a musical note isn't it less like it's like when someone writes aloha and you're like well what that has so many meanings i need the inflection yeah yeah exactly are you leaving are you coming are you in the sauna yeah are you

succumbing dave does all the time are you succumbing to the sauna um well that's amazing man that's a that's a fantastic feather in your cap and we will have to have sean devlin on talk about i saw a picture of him on the red carpet wearing a pink suit yeah he looked pretty sharp and he was also in yeah so he got accepted in tribeca and then also it it was in they were both he was in con france because it was accepted as part of the telefilm doc project so it wasn't screened in its entirety but but uh he was like a representative of telefilm bringing his work in progress and and we'll have to have him on to come and talk about you yeah yeah yeah

what did emma do wrong and by how much and uh yeah yeah yeah he's been making this movie for five years so I mean I can't I've never done anything for five I know exactly I know anyway uh this is a 797 of something you haven't been doing for five years oh

oh like have you ever either of you guys ever been in a red carpet slash whatever the background things are called step and repeat step and repeat yeah have you ever been in a step and repeat yeah no but i've said where when you know i was on the the john deere green carpet of the country music awards where i spoke to uh you know uh darius rucker sure it was big at the time and was this part of cbc yeah oh okay and then what didn't you like somehow didn't somebody like sniff you out as a guy who didn't know country oh yeah for sure because i had to do um i had to do like uh the uh what do you call them i don't know where you check in with all the

cbc is a radio network in canada that yeah i know for the listeners but like every local stage there's national broadcasting but then every local station has their afternoon show and their morning show and i had to call in to a bunch of morning shows, uh, about the Canadian country music awards and all the things happening in Edmonton. And, uh, it was like, people were, uh, you know, hot stepping last night. We're like, you mean two stepping? I don't even know if I got it right now. But then what's the, what's the red carpet thing called? What's that again?

That was the John Deere green carpet for the, but what did you say? You, you step line. What is that thing? The, the step and repeat. Oh yeah.

Repeat. Yeah. That is where there's just like a repeating pattern behind your, on the, on the photo. Yeah. I think, um,

with the introduction of the, uh, uh, social media age i realized how um common those things actually are and it took away the uh novelty and romanticism of the step and repeat and that people can put up those things anywhere and everywhere and it makes something look considerably official yeah and they can put whatever they want on them too they can just say like this is the super bad sequel and just put that on a backdrop and get some picture taken or just like bring

one for like stride gum it's great to see you here on the uh blue carpet uh sponsored by stride gum yeah don't walk on bare feet though because then the little menthol crystals will get in your soles of your feet because it's gum. Yeah. And don't wet it

and don't chew it because it's gum. Also, that kind of sounds like it might be nice. The joke is still going and then you the gum floor is doesn't matter

if you spit out your gum on the floor it's already gum. Yeah, that's nice. That sounds alright Yeah Can I get in there yet? Yeah and you can edit all that out

Um I think menthol on the feet Sounds really nice Um I was at the uh I took my daughters to see The new Spiderman Uh

Movie Yeah Did they like it? Did you Uh Did you do the music on that Emma? Um I was too busy doing a genre film oh okay right um yeah i i thought i heard some of your stuff in there uh no they liked it fine

uh it was good it must have been just chaos for their brain and their eyes well they've seen the first one it's the cartoon ones yeah but it's like that concept of a multiverse and stuff like that like that's yeah it was get it easier because kids are like well that's fine multi that is now it's also a multiverse is a genre now too like like a genre a shot no a genre is a genre david there's only one but multiverse is a thing. Now it's like film noir, a multiverse movie, but you have to have this point of references of, of like,

Oh, Spider-Man 2099 was a Marvel comics issue back in the mid nineties. I remember that. Yeah. Well, they do. They go to all the earths. They go to a bunch of the earths

across the multiverse uh and they uh i fell asleep twice and and so i was a little lost at one point i was like why is everyone chasing spider-man they're like dad no no i want answers but as i was there the movie i was gonna say that as i was there they had a uh a little every big movie now i guess this has always been a thing but they've got like a photo op like oh this whatever like cardboard whatever cardboard cutout that they want you to take pictures with uh and then there was one for the disney movie or i guess it's pixar i'm not sure elemental which is like hey what if water and fire and earth met each other it wouldn't work that's what would happen it wouldn't

work i mean earth and water would do fine i think um but they uh but uh there's like there was a bench with the two main characters sitting on it and there was someone whose entire job was just to say don't sit on that bench it's made of paper but like there's enough room for a kid to sit on it but like yeah i'm sure her whole job like because we went up to it and she was like you guys want to take a picture yeah uh but i don't want you cause we went up to it and she was like, do you guys want to take a picture? Yeah. Uh, but I don't want you to take it. I'm like, I thought she was offering it to take it of all three of us.

Right. She's guarding it and charging people money. She's not supposed to, but her boss is away. And then I was like, okay, girls sit on the bench. And they're like, just one thing. No bench. No sitting on the bench. When I worked at a movie theater for one summer there was a

couple times when i there was so little to do that i thought you know what if i just sit in the stock room i bet you i could wait out my whole shift i would try but then i get too bored my dreams my dreams were ruined by my boredom what year was it and can you remember every single movie because they totally had to be yeah and did you have to have a name tag that said your favorite movie on it no no but i don't i do remember that it was um people coming to the movie were called cast the cast members wasn't like we had like in the there was all this jargon that was yeah were the employees did they have a nickname

no i can't it's too long this is now 20 years ago so it's yeah but i do remember the the movie the summer was um sexy beast okay Big summer blockbuster. Yeah. Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Okay. Nick Cage. Yeah. Sexy Beast is Ben Kingsley. Yep. And Ray Winstone.

Sure. Okay. Yeah. Anniversary Party, which also had Alan Cumming in it. I don't know what that is. What was Alan doing in that movie? It was all kids movies. Oh. it um i don't know what was ellen doing in that movie it was all kids movies oh the little the little kid toddler birthday parties i would come to see captain crowley's mandolin

this is the summer of planet of the apes that oh with walberg yeah yeah oh yeah yeah this was a good yeah i remember this summer i want to say it's it might have there might have been an x-men that came out i was at the i was at the um the fifth avenue cinemas which was like artisanal yes it's mini mini art theaters yeah so so that's why you got like in the planet of the apes yeah yeah well the Planet of the Apes is because we got, we got access to watch it one night for free after everyone left. We, someone got a hand,

like, one of the managers got a hold of the, of the reel and we got to watch it. And? What was your, what was your take on it?

We were all disappointed. I saw it. I saw that in theaters. Yeah, I did too. Maybe twice. There's a thing, spoiler alert, at the end where it's

ape planet and two apes get out of a car and they're police. But the hats are too small. They're like, they're put on humans hats. And it's like, but it's been enough time that they would have made ape hats. And that pulled me right out of the reality.

In the last shot of the movie, he pulled right out of the reality right in the last shot of the movie he pulled you out of the reality i remember that was the movie when the name paul giamatti was a name to be reckoned with because he was in that movie as the orangutan yeah sure it's like it's just a it's a monkey man i don't know know who this is. Yeah. Tim Roth in it as well. Tim Roth was Caesar, I think. Um, and then who is the woman who's in all the Tim Burton movies? Oh,

Helena Bonham Carter. Yeah. Yeah. And then the other guy, oh man, he was in, uh, Michael Clark Duncan.

Michael Clark Duncan. Yeah. And, uh, the guard. Hmm. And it's, you know,

who else was in it? Monkeys. I, I would hope so. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if in the ape planet, do monkeys evolve into pets of the apes or do they just become a nuisance and

you've got to chase monkeys out? Oh yeah. They don't like monkeys apes aren't monkeys monkeys have tails yeah so you know would you get an infestation of monkeys but would like would there be monkeys in north america like you have ape ape people in all over the world but you don't you don't have monkeys all over and and so in the last shot of that movie is it spoiler alert is it it's been 20 years a an ape abraham lincoln yes like lincoln monument yeah and no one was like hey ape lincoln check it out ape lincoln and it's crazy because he's in a suit. Like he's in, it's the only thing that's changed is like its head.

Yeah. They had the exact same history. Yeah. They still evolved to, to like build, make, put collars on suits and cinch them with ties. Like everything's still.

Yeah. And like his, his beard is now out of style. His mustache. His beard is now out of style. His mustache was beard. He still got them. When I worked on My Little Pony back when I was an animator,

there was ponies that would have beards. Right. And it was like, but they already have hair. So I was trying to like fathom like how you'd get a beard on top of a hair, a haired creature. But like goats have that, don't they? Goats are free.

I guess it would be like different. It'd be like a brown beard on a pink horse. Well, that's ridiculous. Come on. You know what? Now that I think of it, that show was ridiculous.

Yeah. Friendship is not magic. Yeah. It's an interaction as I've learned with Sean. Yeah. Friendship is a,. Yeah. It's an interaction as I've learned with Sean. Yeah. Friendship is a, uh, an arrangement. Yeah.

Um, Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Oh, nothing as exciting as Abbott. No, me neither.

I didn't score anything. But speaking of things that have like alternative, uh, like histories, like the planet of the apes, uh, changing nothing about except that they're apes. Um,

I was watch, like I turned on the TV this weekend and I, I don't know why I started watching this thing, but I fell in love with this TV show. Oh, this is great. I cannot wait to hear what this is. And if I have to listen to another Vanderpump rules, in love with this TV show. Oh, this is great. I cannot wait to hear what this is. And it...

Oh, if I have to listen to another Vanderpump Rules fan theory thing or whatever. It's like that. It's a show called History Erased. Oh, that sounds interesting. And it was an hour-long show.

I don't know if there's... I presume there's multiple episodes, but it's like an educational kind of show this is where dave reveals he's a flat earther now history erased no we've got a lot of things wrong yeah yeah exactly over our eyes the the so it was like an educational show this episode was about mexico okay and so they were still around mexico's still here well that's not for now it is oh oh but they um it talked about like you would learn all about the things that come from mexico and it would be like silver uh you know uh mexico is one of the the

earth's uh you's leaders in silver production and the silver is used for beautiful jewelry but also as like an economic commodity and also in electronics and then it would just be like and it would have talking heads

and some of them would be like one guy was a baker but then other people were like a history professor from Harvard. He's been putting silver in his cookies. I love it. I don't use chocolate chips. I use silver coins. Yeah, they do their own

kind of baking there in Mexico. I've never been. I'm a baker mostly at Hoboken. He was Irish actually. He might have been on a cooking show that I can't, I've never been to Mexico. I don't know why you're talking to me. Uh,

but he, uh, anyway, so, but then they would talk about this thing and then they would be like, if Mexico didn't exist, what would happen to the earth's silver? Oh,

this is, but it was like, it was Mexico stopped existing. Now all of our cell phones wouldn't have silver in them and they would stop working the earth's economy with no silver would be thrown into uh it's like for some reason they were making it so we have mexico we have everything from Mexico, and then we lose Mexico. And then everything we have that came from Mexico is all fucked up. Yeah. Wouldn't it be more like, well, if we didn't have Mexico, I don't know, we'd figure out something else to do.

But it would be like Planet of the Apes. Like it would be exactly the same. Everything's the same. But they run on copper. Then they're like, Mexico, here's how we get rubber. It's from the rubber tree plant. And they take the rubber out of the trees and they do science to it. And then you get tires. That's how they make rubber still? I just assumed that it had been streamlined as like a manufactured product.

I didn't know they were still pulling it out of trees. I'm not sure, but according to this... Every rubber band is carved. And they were like, what would we do? Then we lose Mexico. The Earth's transportation grinds to a standstill because we don't have tires.

We would have figured out somebody else to do! And your afternoon is ruined because you can't play volleyball. All the bladders inside all of your sports balls lose all their air.

Oh, man. Do they have dramatizations of this, too? Of, like, someone... They did have, like, stock footage of, like, a flat ball. Yeah, people kicking around a flaccid ball

soccer would be only kind of popular it is funny that yeah you envision this world where a country disappears i guess instantaneously yeah that's how it would be it would be missed if it wasn't gradual but then it erases all the rubber you already had you could just recycle old rubber but also my soccer ball that i'm kicking in canada like it suddenly loses its air because of mexico disappearing yeah why would they make in that scenario where mexico is not producing these things, why would people find themselves with the same exact thing that they need that it doesn't exist anymore? You know what I mean? Why would you have soccer balls that had rubber in them if there was no rubber? One with plastic or something like that.

It would be if Mexico never existed. You know, the course of history would have changed, but then they went into like, and let's not forget about culture. Oh yeah. Mexico. Mexican directors have been nominated for Oscars over the last 10 years, more than any other country other than America.

But what if we lost mexico today what movies were they saying would disappear uh you know roma desperado for sure uh you know uh the shape of water shape of water the bird man ambrosios um you know freaking gravity dude and then they just glossed over the oh and there would be like a massive chasm where the mexican peninsula is now obliterated and there'll be a hole to the center of the earth and we would not have mole what about my frida kahlo print um the uh they touch on wrestling is wrestling they did touch on uh luchadors luchadors yes although they didn't no one seemed too heartbroken about what we wouldn't have nacho libre

and what would have been the the hess's uh follow-up to napoleon dynamite if not that also just nachos more nachos nobody would have cracked the code on nachos so we'd be melting cheese on ruffled chips yeah exactly disgusting disgusting hard to eat and then the the chef guy they were talking about how if we lost corn well certainly there would be a famine yes uh because Because I guess America loses all their corn too. Yeah. But they said, if chocolate and vanilla disappeared,

you walk into a bakery, half the items will be gone. I'm imagining the writer's room would lose someone every week to be like, yeah, but this is, what are you talking about? It would be a different planet.

Okay, Derek, you're gone. Yeah. Stop questioning it. So I'm going to keep watching this show to see if they're like, if Russia disappeared, where would we be without nesting dolls? Oh, I want to, if Canada disappears, that's what I want. Your pancakes would be awfully dry. If Canada disappears, we wouldn't have instant replay in sports that you love so much.

Your CD collection would be tipped over by a bit because your Sam Roberts CD wouldn't be in there. You'd have to buy a new CD. That's $10 out of your budget from music but i wouldn't have spent that money that's true well you might have bought something mexican instead yeah yeah los lobos selena these are these are well i haven't watched the show so i don't know the cultural touch points but well yeah i don't know if they're going to replay the new mexico one but is it. The state of New Mexico would just be called New.

Adobe probably wouldn't have its name. The Gulf of. People actually would have salsa from New York City and they'd enjoy it. Yeah, that's true. You'd just be eating text food.

And this is a show that occurs on Netflix or? No, this was on global TV. Okay. This is history erased. I'm going to, it's my new favorite show. Okay. And you are going to set a recording. You're going to see what every country.

Yeah. What we do without them. Yeah. What would we do without russia i guess we wouldn't have like a boogeyman to build up nuclear arsenals okay mr political but like what yeah i don't know what russia well i guess i guess they helped in the world war with how russia laika the dog would be alive and well. But it's like, yeah, it's not substituted with another

imaginary culture. Like, there's still that giant land mass. All gone. Okay. You know, it'd be hard to traverse on land, I guess, if America had a big body of water at the bottom no no driving down to brazil or anything like that sarah palin's view yeah would be obliterated

nothing oh well that's fantastic yeah anyway history erased check it out people my new favorite show you all remember my old favorite show canadian border the border show the border patrol show that's right why isn't that on any streaming service i want to be able to watch one of those where you know somebody's got a bunch of salami in there you can't bring that here yeah is part of the um what makes these shows enticing is the fact that you can't stream them, that like you're seeing them live on air? Oh, no. Well, I still have cable and I do like... Because you have to like plan ahead to be like, oh, history

erased? Okay. I do, but also I would never discover this show without cable. Like I would never choose to tune into it on a streaming service. But the fact that it was just on i was like oh this is interesting this is a dumb idea interesting and dumb ultimate combination this is something that makes me feel smart and i'm not

there's a harvard person on this show it's but if nobody knows that this show exists you could really you know really play it up like this is something you've thought yourself as uh you guys do you guys like silver well let me spin you a yard about mexico yeah they retro engineered the show like what would the world be like without corn oh shit that means yeah no mexico like you build it up backwards from there yeah right we just do a week on corn all of these countries wouldn't exist without corn it is a staple crop uh but yeah i love this what's your favorite corn product oh i like a corn bread if i ever can get but also corn on the cob just straight up straight up cob with butter yes please yeah i've already interrupted the podcast several times with

my corn uh there you go again yeah uh you know popcorn here he goes you really gotta stop that um uh for me it's got to be creamed or high fructose syrup yeah that's any yeah anything that it makes its way into i uh i love i did uh abby's aunt sheila uh sent us over some more of that uh popcorn um chocolate bar with with corn nut popcorn corn nuts and popcorn in it delicious as you remember yeah well last time as you'll recall i kept getting stomach aches from it but i think that's what because it was expired and i got six bars of it enormous what is a cheesy made out of that's a corn hmm it's like a cheesy corn yeah it's cheesy i'm not i'm not talking like the puff like a cheese pleaser i'm talking like you know the hard like a cheeto hard cheese hawkins cheese

hawkins yeah hawkins or cheeto like that is i mean it feels like it's a raw piece of corn ore that you dug out of the earth but there's something amazing about it according to wikipedia it is made from extruded cornmeal covered in powdered cheddar cheese oh i love anything extruded yeah yeah oh and now i want to yeah but silver most of all, right? That's extruded into our knives and forks. I don't know. It would cease to be. You'd have to eat food with your hands. No, I'm going to reach out to all the Mexican people I know after this podcast and just thank them.

Yeah. I just wanted to check to make sure you're still there. Yeah. Thank you for the silver. It's the, it's like the leftovers except instead of, uh, like,

uh, people from across society disappearing. It's all of Mexico. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Like, um,

what is the thing called? The rapture? Yeah. Yeah. The Mexican rapture. Yeah. It's like without Mexico, we wouldn't,

we would just have regular jumping beans and regular hat dance. There's still, there's still Guatemala. Like they can grow corn there and there's probably some silver that like, you know, silver veins that blow like silver doesn't stop at the border. Yeah, exactly. You know, who has silver veins is a fricking Senator Kelly after you got turned into liquid.

Oh yeah. That worked. Uh, great. What's going on with you, my friend? Um, we live in a time of Uber, right? Uber's nudging out, uh, taxis slowly, but surely taxis are starting to vanish. And, uh, I,. And I can see why.

Because Uber is awfully convenient. But also, there's no chit-chat. There's just an understanding that I don't want any talk. I guess that happens in taxis, too. But you don't have to fiddle around no tip. You don't have to figure out tip and all that kind of stuff. Because I was in a cab the other night uh like a couple weeks ago and uh the there's the thing for putting the tip in and then i tried to go through and the thing

failed so then i had to give it back to him so he could see exactly how much the tip was before and he didn't seem super happy about it so i think i'll up it another five percent and see if he responds well to that um but a thing that's happening more than once taking a cab is we'll pull up to the destination and i'll just get out of the cab and walk away you'll forget to pay yeah i'll forget that i'm not in an uber i'll just walk up the door like oh how far do you get before you like you get out of the cab you start walking away if he yells and then you're like oh he runs you down yeah and you're like or the person i'm in the taxi with pays it says well that was a clever tactic by you to just walk out of the cab

i thought it was an uber babe um but yeah, so like, here's the thing that doesn't happen with Ubers that happens with taxis. Oh, we're going into one of your classic bits. Here we go. This is, this is a picture.

New York, 1929. Newark, New York. Um, the, uh, thing doesn't have with the Ubers is arguing over whose cab it is, who flagged down a cab.

And because like Uber is just like this. Nobody's getting in your Uber when it slows down. That's I think that's probably unheard of. Would that be safe to assume that that's a thing that just would never happen? Yeah, because they know your name and they'll be like, Graham. Crayon? What does that do? I've never had either experience uh although there was one time

i was trying to catch a train plane an automobile and kevin bacon stole my taxi cab oh yeah i forgot that was kevin bacon yeah yeah that was that was the start of his career right they were like we need that fresh weird weird cameo because he had been in footloose and stuff and fancy free yeah i didn't realize that until recently that dan akroyd was in temple of doom for three seconds yeah he is yeah what is he doing when uh they escaped the um the chinese gangsters and they pull up to the airport it's dan ackroyd getting them onto the plane oh it's not dan ackroyd taking their cab and driving away at the airport no okay okay it's odd that that's the

indiana joe's movie he's in given his affinity for crystal skulls yes yeah i mean who came first right the movie or the uh vodka most certainly the movie, but, uh, I don't know. I, so I watched,

uh, a chunk of the movie Casper, the friendly ghost. And, uh, he's in that as, as this Ghostbuster guy, he comes running.

Is he trying to get a blowjob from Casper? Hey, I heard, uh, there's a ghost in here. That's his whole interest is ghosts. He goes cross-eyed? Yeah. No, no, not this one, please. Oh, man. Yeah. oh man yeah anyways uh the thing that happens with cabs is uh you get sometimes somebody says

they flagged down the cab before you did so that happened a couple weeks ago i was coming home from does it does the cab driver ever intervene and be like well i stopped for you but i like your attitude. I think he loves the drama. I think that's something he doesn't get enough of on the job, so anytime that it pops up, he's like, I'll sit back, watch the sparks fly. Because either way, somebody's going to get in the cab.

It feels nice to be wanted. It does. Yeah. And to be useful. Those are good feelings to have. And look for the helpers. Oh, yeah. Whenever things are bad. Or when they're good.

Check out the helpers when they're good, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They don't just stop existing like Mexico. But, yeah, so a guy took a cab. Maybe he had hailed first. Who knows? But then he, he like said fuck off

right away and it was very you yeah like he said to my fucking cab fuck off and i was like okay well that's some really uh you know succession kind of stuff to tell you to fuck off fuck off fuck off uh and then so you know i withdrew my application to be in the, uh, in the cab. And then the guy who, who brought over as being such an asshole, his,

all his friends didn't get in the cab with them. They, they just like stayed back like, uh, no, we're good. We're good. Uh,

and so you're going to go with Graham, but I've never seen somebody like the wind go out of somebody's sails so fast as he's like, I got the cab. And everybody's like, we're fine. We're fine. You really blew up on that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't like how you went from zero to 60 all of a sudden. And fuck off

you. Fuck off, Neil. Fuck off, Steven. Fuck off, Trish. Fuck off. Yeah. so that's me maybe switching to Uber full time. We'll see. I don't know. That's exciting. It is exciting. It does keep things spicy.

Do you remember it was like turf wars with taxis where I remember a taxi cab from richmond happened to be in vancouver and i was flagging it down and then and then two taxis that are vancouver-based basically like flanked flanked the richmond taxi to say you're not picking these guys up oh shit okay and basically kind of like herded herded the richmond car away from me wow so that i could get in it is weird though because like that guy from richmond he had to

bring us bring someone here and he's not allowed to bring anyone he's not allowed to pick anyone up while he's over here yeah i wish yeah that's not fair you can't get one out to North Van I know that you have to go with the one cab company that's out there that occasionally answers their phone sometimes yes sometimes no depends on the hour I guess you call but yeah

I do still like taking taxis I should continue to do that but I see the value now of Uber in that you'll never get in a fight with some dickhead I like how continue to do that. But I see the value now of Uber in that you'll never get in a fight with some dickhead. Yeah, I like the how everyone seems to like working there. I've heard no

complaints. Yeah, exactly. Every view I've ever seen has been a five, so it's, you know, everybody's happy. We're both happy on both ends of the transaction. Yeah, that's a question. When I go to New York, I don't know how recent Graham, you were,

you were there recently. Yeah. Is it my better interest to take cabs over, over car share? If you're in, well, from the airport, it's probably better to take an Uber,

but then the rest of the time, if you're from Newark, you want to take that train from Newark. Oh yes. You're sorry. Uh, from the train into manhattan rather yeah yeah but i'm saying when i'm getting around because i'm gonna be going from here over there

all over the place you know they've got an extensive subway system that's true they do have subways and it's very walkable it's a very walkable city yeah let's you know big sidewalks i'm walking here you'll say yeah that's right that was their slogan for a while new york you're walking here i just figure when i have my bags yeah you're gonna want to be you're gonna want to look as touristy as possible carry a bunch of suitcases drag your suitcase down the street have your big expensive camera dangling from your neck not to mention with zinc on my nose too socks and sandals yeah hawaiian shirt and uh a bucket hat there you go you're mr tourist um are

you how long you gone for just a couple days four days four nights how much you gonna pack you know go try and squeeze four nights out of like one combination of outfits or are you going full on well you got to go to try back a film festival yeah is, though, I'm missing the premiere. So the third screening is that, is the luster gone? Yes. Yeah. And are you going to be acknowledged in any way? I'm not going to be hot-stepping on the red carpet or whatever. John Deere green carpet.

Yeah. But you could advertise on your Facebook, like, talk with the composer you know talk I should bring my own backdrop you're on step and repeat talk to the guy who composed 85% of this

movie oh man well congratulations to you and to John Devlin and to Dave for finding a brand new favorite television show. Yeah, and to Graham for finding a brand new way to get around. Were you getting bugged going up and down the same old street? Well, I have been thinking about a new place. Strip, I guess.

Strip. Yeah. I want to go to some place where the kids are. Yeah. Come on, piano man hit it right alright how much of that

type of music made it into the movie was there only one saloon scene I kept pushing it I'm like this is my wheelhouse sean this piano's not gonna play itself well this one actually sounds like it would because scored the movie scored completely by if i play a piano there's a lot of maple leaf rag um should we move on to some overheards? Okay.

Oh my gosh, hi, it's me, Dave Holmes, host of the pop culture game show Troubled Waters. On Troubled Waters, we play a whole host of games, like one where I describe a show using a limerick, and our guests have to figure out what it is. Let's do one right now. What show am I talking about? This podcast has game after game,

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Overheard. Overheard. Boy, oh boy. It's a big, big world out there i'm filled with big big crazy things that people say and aren't you lucky that maybe you can be around something like that and report it here on the podcast we always like to start with the guest emmett hall do you have an overheard i think i do i think i do because last time i really didn't and that was that was because of pandemic times now i've got now i'm going into public bathrooms sure yeah so almost exclusively yeah i won't even go pee at

home no no yeah yeah it does lose the feel you know without some instructions on please don't flush you know what it's like to find a place to pee at 1 30 a.m. to get an Uber to take me to... So I was in a mall. You are both familiar with the City Square Mall. Oh, yeah. Where they shot the movie Fear. They shot the mall scene in the movie Fear. Yeah. Before

Wahlberg got sent to Abraham Lincolnville. Yeah. Population apes. And I was using the bathroom there and I was using the urinal and I overheard psst from me. so i i'm uh i'm using the urinal and i hear the the little steps of a kid clomp in uh behind me and the kid must have been about five or six and he stomps in he lets out a sigh and goes oh finally and then walks into the bathroom and takes the quickest pee ever uh

finally and they've been keeping me out of this bathroom for hours I tell you mom just sends me around the block wild goose chase until I can finally do what I gotta do take a three second pee and then get

out of here and get back to business yeah yeah it was a very exasperating oh finally waiting on this all day do you guys ever go to the bathroom and it's full and there's only one urinal left and it's the little kid one yes i'll do it and i've used that little kid one. Yes, I'll do it. And I've used that little kid one. I'm not afraid. I'll just kind of do a little semi-squat. Yeah, do a little Uncle Buck. Have you ever been in a bathroom where it clearly says not working and somebody's still peeing in it? Because I've seen that happen multiple times

out of order and people just peeing in it. And I'm like, well, your pee's not going anywhere. It's out of order. It's just filling up the bottle. It'll'll go somewhere how do you clog a urinal i don't know but i'm aiming to try i'm gonna figure that out um dave do you have an overheard yep uh no Not really. This is one from Reddit and it's not that good. Even by Reddit standards. And it's even harder to reach

because everyone's on strike at Reddit. Everyone's like, let's not do Reddit right now. It's just all amateurs and scabs. It's all scabs. I can't find this post from a couple days ago. But it was like... So, this is on the

hockey players subreddit. Which I was like... I was hesitant to join and then I saw that everyone else in it is like should I be a hockey player? I've never skated before. I'm 38 years old. Should I try try and everyone's like yeah go for it dude it's not my life check out these elbow pads i just got yeah whoa that was bring

back memories i'll tell you this right now doing i'm doing everything uh how do i put this i was saying that i've been pursuing childhood dreams in my late adulthood now now that nothing's now that you're late adulthood emmet don't say that i know but like now that i'm in my 40s i'm like you know what i'm gonna take that stand-up comedy class and start doing stand-up comedy and then you know what i joined a heavy metal band i'm i've i've answered a craigslist ad to sing in a heavy metal band and i've done that now nice what's the band called we've named ourselves necronado because uh two of the guys are chilean so we want to bring in a spanish element and we're just like oh what's that if chile never existed you wouldn't be that band would exist whoa oh my they just blew my brain um so i'm thinking of maybe maybe i could be a hockey player too

what uh what is your skating expert skating familiarity i can only only stop on my right side. Yeah, you're going to want to stop on both sides, but you're not... But then I'm good to go. If you can stop, you're good. Yeah, okay. I support that. We'll support this. So this guy, is he looking to like a career? Well, that's just one post.

That was just an example post. Here's my own... It sounds wholesome. It sounds like a wholesome place. It's a wholesome group of, of people. But the post I saw the other day was what's your spitting strategy when you wear a cage? Cause, uh, like,

uh, for people not familiar, when you play hockey, you can either wear like a glass, uh, like a fish bowl over your face, or you can have like, it's not, it's like sort of like plexiglass, uh, vis bowl over your face or you can have like it's not it's like sort of like plexiglass uh visor over your eyes or a uh like a metal cage around your face and uh the

post was what's your spitting strategy uh for your for the cage just switched from uh a visor to a cage and don't know the best strategy and the replies were like just spit it's just it's just your space yeah yeah uh what what seems to be the problem and the person the original poster replied well it's not it's not for me it's my boyfriend he just switched and he's having trouble i just want to be there for him yeah just looking at the uh the dangling mucus off of the cage when he brings it home it's really distracting me when i watch his uh his scrimmages yeah he's been practicing in the backyard here's my uh here's my strategy um i don't i

just swallow i i drink a lot of water and i never spit anything out what about getting a little a little chin trough david now that i what do you wear when you play hockey what is your helmet i'm a cage your cage okay i there's guys who wear a who wear just the visor and you're like you're gonna get a stick in the in the mouth don't a lot of people in the nhl though do they're just barefaced out there oh there's only 10 guys remaining who are barefaced now you need uh when i was a kid uh there were only like 10 guys left who didn't have helmets right uh i'm not gonna name them but i could uh and now oh come on name okay let's go doug wilson harold sneps uh craig mctavish uh brad marsh uh gila fleur of course um but did i say doug wilson yet lc cord uh okay sure um don cherry

don cherry okay this okay this guy's not Maybe you shouldn't play hockey But Now there's only 10 guys who don't wear They made it like Starting in whatever year You have to wear a helmet And then you didn't have to wear a visor

Until about 10 years ago they made it So any new player joining the league has to wear a visor Right And there's like 10 guys remaining jamie ben jordy ben uh uh zach cassian milan lucic etc ryan riley is it just like they don't care if their face gets bashed in or like isn't there a rule that all the players or the players like i don't give a shit they don't they don't know it's if you if you join the league after a certain date you have to have a visor but if you're if you you're grandfathered in if you uh were in the league before that date what do you think will be the next thing that's slowly introduced and people think it's ridiculous at

first but then you're like how do we ever do without it i think the sticks seem very dangerous yeah you gotta get rid of the sticks yeah like some kind of silly string kind of sticks something that doesn't i was like i was trying to think back to when i played when i was a kid because i took 25 years off and then i uh started playing again and i was like not much is different they now have like sticks are now can be four hundred dollars now yeah yeah but uh uh the other gear is all basically the same they don't have jock straps anymore now you wear like uh compression shorts that have a little cup in them oh really i'd still go old school if it were up to me i'd be i'd be the only one in the locker room. You're just ass hanging out?

It was jockstrap and garter belt to keep your socks up. And now it's like the little compression shorts have Velcro on them for the socks as well. That's come a long way. It's very horny. How did it feel to be wearing new gear 25 years later?

Fine. I mostly have used gear anyway. But I mean, the last time you played hockey was with a jockstrap. Yeah. I did have to go in and be like, I had to have them size up my cup. Like look at you and go, yeah. no it wasn't it was a mouth test you're an a cup everyone made fun of you for your hockey spats yeah no it's uh feels good feels good to be protected out there hell yeah no kidding it's uh yeah at

this point there's only what the lower part of your face could get smashed up or is the visor cover whole thing the visor i wear a cage so i'm the i'm all covered up nice good you gotta you gotta keep that kisser you know look i could someone could skate over my neck that's true you're not allowed you're not supposed to wear what are those called like slash guards or something they do have those but i don't uh no one wears them because we're you know no one falls down it's very slow-paced old men when i was a kid my brothers were around when the rule of having to wear one of those came in because oh yeah like because you're allowed to hit each other in the neck like that's not against the rules in La Crosse Oh sure

Yeah so that became Well when I was a kid Clint Malarchuk the goalie Someone skated over his jugular vein I remember that It was Horrific and he lived Yeah oh man That's uh

And did he play anymore after that or was he like This is the time? No, I think he came back. There was a documentary about him and he's very sad. Yeah. Yeah, it was quite, I think it was, he's got post-traumatic stress disorder. Yeah.

And also, like, that becomes the thing you're known for is like, that sucks. He's known for his great jugular. Yeah, how did he because he was he was goalie right he was a goalie yeah and someone's skating through the crease even thinking about it just freaks me out um i don't even play hockey but i just feel like if anybody was going to trip and fall on the ice and get their jugular oh i in the locker rooms i'm like when guys are some guy you know some guys already have their skates on while other guys are coming through, you know, barefoot going to the shower.

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I, I went skating for the first time in years, a couple of years ago. And, uh, just the, the notion of falling on the ice was scary enough. Like just your knee smashing on the ice uh-huh yeah i'm a bad skater if i'm gonna fall whack my knee you know how many thousands of dollars of physiotherapy are you exactly you know wear some sort of bandage on your knee for six months maybe get one of those mobility things those like the the clamps on the outside that, uh,

help take the pressure off your knee. Stone cold, Steve Austin wore one for a while. Oh, sure. Okay. I was getting one of those, like the,

I'll just use like one of those little walkers that the other, the toddlers use on the ice. Oh yeah. That's not bad. That's good. There's also, didn't stone cold, Steve Austin also,

uh, have a wheelchair and then stand up and kill someone. Wasn't he in like a hospital gown once no he was the doctor he was posing as a nurse or as a doctor rather Vince McMahon who had broken his leg and apparently had broken his leg for real but they were like how do we get some

how do we get some hot action from this accident I think maybe it was fake but he definitely like dislocated something in the ring on one event and, uh, was standing yelling at a guy. And then he was on the ground and he kept yelling at the guy, but it didn't look right.

Cause he was just sitting down on his butt. And I bet you that stick in the hospital room set as he like his convalescence back. Like his, his leg was supposed to he's supposed to be actually in a hospital but he's like

no no we're gonna shoot this thing yeah and then got out of the room every doctor out of the room we're coming here doctor

give your clothes to Stone Cold Steve Austin they're not gonna fit yeah he's just bulging out oh man oh god love him uh do you have an overheard i have what i think is a very funny thing that dates back many many years ago um oh this is something did you have to go into your memory palace for this one i had to and i had to wear that helmet

and uh i had to go into the not the matrix but like total recall whatever that was that he was in i went into that one to recall no no no let's go to cerebro because we're x-men stuff oh yeah right okay cerebros before cerebros nice thank you um this is from years and years and years ago i did uh like a 10 questions kind of thing with the globe of mail, like 10 short questions. And then you just, whatever your pithy answers are. And,

uh, you did this. Yeah, I did this. Yeah. It was, uh, like 10 questions with comedian Ram Clark.

And so it, uh, only has one comment and I'd never seen this before. I had seen the article and I was just kind of like idly looking around on the, on the internet. And then there was a comment there that I'd never seen before. This is like from eight years ago or something like that. Six or eight years ago.

The guy says, since I live in a remote location, I have no access to wifi and every GNM article I read costs me data charges. I truly know the definition of waste of money, and this was a waste of money. Oh, man. Oh, that's your epitaph. Yeah. Yeah.

I just like, I feel like a little bit of pride over it that I was able to make this bad. I mean, it sounds like it was, it sounds like something that they were just, we got to fill. What would happen if Graham Clark never existed? Well,

well, I have that 24 cents. Yeah. I like the idea that he still had to be paying to leave the comment. Like he would still be using data. Maybe that's, I don't know. Anyways, it's the best. Whoever you are out there,

if you can hear this now, I hope your internet's better. I hope that you're able to do whatever you want to do. Read the whole globe of mail at home. I do love the idea of this person being like, oh, this was a waste of money, but I'll download your podcast.

I want to see if that pisses me off too. Anyways, I love that man. And I hope they're doing all right. And if they're dead, I hope you're in heaven and not in hell. Yeah. Oh, what would happen if hell didn't exist then uh heaven would be full

yeah a lot more people in purgatory I can tell you that now we also have overheard sent in to us from all over the world if you want to send in to us send it in to spy at at MaximumFun.org. This first one comes from Bonnie B. in San

Diego, California. And these are all kid adjacent, or kids say the darndest things. My seven-year-old son was throwing a tantrum at home and lobbing insults at everyone and anyone. The one that came my way was, Mommy, you have the worst crotch.

It can't even pee yikes imagine being singled out as having the worst crotch in the room like everything else is like you're you're conceited you're yeah you know yeah you're back there and you have the horrible crotch. And then you look at your husband and he's like, I didn't tell him. I mean, you're a nice person.

You mean, well, you know, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, by your crotch. Yeah. Honestly, notorious. It's terrible. You know this by now. Surely,

you know this. Uh, uh, I don't know why it doesn't even pee maybe because they've just never done that in the proximity of this uh child um i assume it's a child oh yeah seven year old uh i wasn't misreading it 70 year old um so uh anyways she's got the worst crotch not necessarily in the world but of the crotches that this yeah this well like what's this kid's crotch experience it's true yeah it's a good question

seven years old I have no idea I probably used one of those tiny urinals though I bet you by seven you're using one of those that's a lot of fun um how long is the longest tantrum that one of your children has ever gone on? Like what? Like hours?

Is this question for, uh, for the room or just me? This is for you, Dave. This is over to you. This is my global mail. 10 questions. No, uh, hours. I don't know. It's, uh, not, not long there.

You know, they've been intense. Sure. But they burn out. You were saying hours. At what age can they hold a grudge? Oh, boy. Young. They can hold a grudge for a while until they realize that their parents provide everything for them.

But do they hold a grudge against other neighborhood kids or anything like that? Or, oh, I don't know. They definitely have like, uh, you know, the, they hold a grudge against like playground equipment. They fell off. Yeah. I was just thinking, yeah. I couldn't do escalators for a number of years because I sat on one as a little kid and I thought it was going to like shoot me off as I going down. But it just like caught my pants at the bottom with the teeth.

Oh, Jesus. It had to rip me off and I got scratches on my butt cheek. And yeah, I had a, I had an issue with escalators. I had a grudge towards escalators for a little while. That sucks, man. I'm sorry you hear that. I'm fine. Like I get along with towards escalators for a little while. That sucks, man. I'm sorry you didn't hear that. I'm fine. Like, I get along with most escalators now.

Going up. I don't do the down. You don't know going down? I'm going down. Stairs on the way down? Yeah. Now, this next one, I didn't write down the name of the person who wrote it, but I will find out. But this is somebody, I live out in the

country, and I hear my far away neighbor kids arguing daily. The following was a slow, loud, angry, and vengeful demand shouted by a seven year old with a thick southern accent. I want a new Bible. Yeah, kids love it. They want the better and best that was from listener chad f chad f georgia

uh so that's how you know it's the real southern accent he was hearing um yeah what's boy what happened to the old bible just read it too much just read it down to nub you know just he wants a fresh testament yeah i think i think when i was a kid i got a bible i was handed a bible like this is your bible and uh i don't know just sat on my shelf for a long time i don't have it anymore pages are so thin yeah thin pages sometimes they've got that gold on the edge that's real. You can get your finger cut. Maybe that's what happened. He got too much.

I keep getting cuts on my fingers. Getting tetanus from the golden Bible pages. Do either of you guys own a Bible? Feels like something you should have in the house in case of possession or something like that yeah like dave's feeling under the weather you know if you're feeling i gotta feel a little possession coming on i think yeah i do have the teachings of buddha you have the teachings of buddha yeah they had uh you know it was in a hotel oh sure the gide. The Gideon's Buddha. The Buddhists have placed this here. Yeah. I don't,

I don't like it when I go to a hotel that doesn't have that. I feel like. You check? Oh yeah. Every time. I want to know. You opening every drawer in every hotel? Yeah.

I want to know if there's something in there that somebody left behind that, uh, you know, who knows what, who knows what people would leave behind in there. I love going to a hotel that was like, we gonna be we're gonna have hotels that invested money into like alarm clocks that have an ipod dock yes oh yeah three years when people needed that yeah it is sad it's sad that one's sad this was our big swing yeah and then there's also the remotes that you get that don't have any uh like things that you kind of compress they're just like white with oh yeah they're like so that no guck gets in it or whatever it's easy to clean and

that one's that one's stuck around that one worked you only see it in like cheaper hotels though you don't like a rounded remote kind of like it kind of looks like a toothpaste tube and uh it's you know i guess it's cleaner i don't know erica sigerson told me never to touch one of those remotes like to put plastic over it and just keep the plastic on it the whole time you're there yeah Yeah, she brings a Ziploc bag. Yeah, she's very smart. Every hotel is so disgusting, you know? Dr. Oz did a special on it where he went to

random hotels. I masturbated in every hotel in New York. I'm Dr. Oz. Every hotel in New York. Hi, I'm the guy who masturbated in all the hotels in new york i'm also a doctor uh this last one comes from wait chad and jordan no julia sorry julia from oh you did have it i did have, but it was at the very end. Hi, guys.

I get alerts for a website where people in the community can offer free stuff or make requests for things that people might have on hand. I just saw this post in the Wanted section. Wanted. Adult tricycle. Want to start riding with my daughter, but would love to have an adult tricycle. With or without basket. Thanks. So, what? Do you guys know what he's talking about? Is that what's an adult tricycle with or without basket. Thanks. So what do you guys know what he's talking about?

Is that what's an adult tricycle? Hmm. Like something a clown would ride or is it like. It's like an ATV, I think. Oh, no, they have. Oh, these are like. Adult tricycles. Weird.

They're. Boy. Well, they range in price from 300 to 4 000 oh my god he doesn't want a basket that'll make him look immature the basket is in the back though between the two wheels and it does look pretty convenient this thing you don't need a kickstand yeah and and it's uh you know you can get somebody can ride on those back between the wheels like i do kind of there are like a big i've seen a lot of different kinds of bicycles nowadays there are ones where you can have like two kids like oh yeah and like a bucket together well there's the bucket in the front and then there's like a big saddle like sort of like just a big seat in the back yeah yeah it's a big it's a big bike they've got rad bikes those rad bikes are pretty cool these are all the

electric bikes too right that's some are electric yeah some are acoustic when you play the spokes yeah eric clapton does both oh man he's so fucking cool when it's it's he does sad ones on the acoustic never mind on his acoustic bicycle yeah well in addition to overhears that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us and i know you do our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one. Like these people have. Zorp, zorp, zibbity zorp.

Daddy coming through with a bunch of calls. Zorp, zorp, zibbity zorp. Maybe, Dave, did you score a film? I know. Hey, Dave, Graham, and guests. This is Russell from Anchorage Alaska calling in With an overheard or overseen There was a

Pet like missing Pet sign Coming back from a hike today But it didn't say like lost dog It just had a picture of a pretty cute Like little Frenchie dog And then it had a phone number and all that But it said,

Check your yard for Dracula. No friggin' way. Here, Dracula. Dracula, Dracula. Got some blood for you. I mean, that's a good idea anyway, to check your yard for Dracula. Yes, that's February of last year. That was when they

started the official Dracula awareness month Yeah And check outside Your dog name for sure Yeah Dracula is great Too many syllables? Dracula No it's good

Have you guys seen that poster around It's not for a missing dog but it's for a dog walker And the person drew a drawing of a dog I have seen it It's not for a missing dog but it's for a dog walker and the person drew a drawing of a dog yeah i have seen it yeah it's not a very good drawing hey come on you're not hiring them to draw yeah if i'm this bad at drawing dogs that must be great to walk on them yeah that's true i'm not spending a lot of time yeah time because i'm it's always i'm always walking i'm never drawing the dog yeah i mean here's i'll take some photos, but that's what do you, in any,

uh, time of your life, did you ever entertain the idea of being a dog walker? It seems like, like a job that I think would, I'd find it very stressful having that many dogs around me. It kind of, I've,

um, Oh, you mean like, so you're walking with six dogs at one time? Yes. Yeah. Oh yeah. That seems like a nightmare,

but, um, I've always thought about, you know, going to the SPCA and, and taking one out for a walk. For a test drive. Yeah.

Test drive. Yeah. See how it looks with your outfits. Yeah. Get your motor running. Didn't did, did, did,

did, um, that song exclusively used in like diaper commercials. Now next phone call. Hi, That song exclusively used in like diaper commercials now. Next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Joel calling from St. Louis, Missouri. I'm at the local grocery store here called Schnucks.

And I was walking down one of the aisles and I was coming around the corner from the chip aisle. And a gentleman was coming around the corner from the chip aisle and a gentleman was coming in the opposite direction. So we kind of bumped heads of our shopping carts and I stopped for a moment, let him pass by. He was talking on the cell phone and as he passed me by without making any attempt to hide his voice or what he was saying to the person on the other line, he says, make that ass clap, make that ass slap, talk to me now. No friggin' way. Thanks, guys. Off I go. I mean, they had me at schnooks when I heard about schnooks.

A schnook is like an old-timey insult, isn't it? Like, you're a loudmouth schnook is like an old timey insult isn't it like you're a loud mouse schnook yeah but maybe now it means maybe the schnooks have taken that back they've reclaimed the word schnook oh I see that's the family name yeah um isn't like

the woman on uh succession is schnook schnook that's right yeah yeah close I'm wondering if this guy was uh yeah i was having to um this is what the kid this is the lullaby the kid goes to at night like okay daddy's gonna sing this song make that ass clap make that ass there you go she's asleep snook is is a person easily duped or a fool. Ah.

Oh, but the schnook, I'm spelling it with two O's. The grocery store is with a U. Oh, okay. Schnooks. Oh, we love it. Yeah. If you got any other schnook material out there what do they sell what's a special thing that only they sell what's their in-brand yeah what's their dr pepper yes yes i need to know

these type of things if you if you go to schnooks let us know call in uh okay here's your final phone call everybody hey dave and graham this is melissa from huntsville ontario however this overheard occurred in downtown toronto my husband and i were walking around blore street on a mission when we noticed a car parked up on the sidewalk, and as we approached it, there was a police officer on a bike located at the back of the car near the trunk who had a huge grin on his face, could barely contain his laughter. And as we got closer to the vehicle, encountered a pungent aroma of marijuana, and noticed some smoke exiting the vehicle, and were privileged to overhear the officer who was standing next to the passenger

window on foot say, I hear you, sir, and I do understand that. However, I don't think that any medical doctor would be prescribing this amount of marijuana. And so off we went. Thanks so much for your show. My husband and I love listening to it and thought it was pretty special on our night out to get you over here a worthy comment thank you so much okay okay and okay bye um yeah i love it that the like no my doctor said to smoke as much as he possibly could get my hands on

i've got glaucoma everywhere so i need as much uh smoke as possible yeah i got glaucoma everywhere, so I need as much smoke as possible. Yeah, I got glaucoma in my legs, glaucoma in my shoulders. You have to do it until I smile. Is everywhere in America now, like, you can get that if a doctor's note kind of thing? Or does that only exist still in, like, states that have... I don't know. You're asking the wrong... That's right. That's right.

What country country if it disappeared would we not have marijuana from maybe mexico sounds like you might be yeah um anyways i'll look into that yeah they i believe it was they everyone used the word cannabis until uh it was it sort of like uh law enforcement started calling it marijuana to make it seem foreign and Mexican, I think. Yeah, that tracks with law enforcement. But you ever have that one friend in high school who knows too much about the history of marijuana? Like marijuana is their whole persona? Yeah.

Yeah. Who has the magazines? i know the exact guy i can picture him in my head yeah his name was chris and he oh he had blacklight posters he wore you know weed we've covered shirts with all the marijuana leaves on it okay make it legal i think was on his wallet or something like that we did yeah that's true I like to think Chris was part of that movement I wonder where he is now

probably high probably high wherever he is or maybe he got over it maybe he's just like that was a childhood thing now I do speed speedy magazine Speedy Magazine We wouldn't have Speedy Gonzalez We wouldn't have Speedy Gonzalez We wouldn't have George Lopez

The comedy of George Lopez God, the list goes on and on The list goes on and on Well, Emmett Thank you for being a guest on the show This was fantastic Ohmet thank you for being a guest on the show this was fantastic oh thank you guys i uh i i'm surprised you brought me back this soon this soon around it's been hasn't been two years yet uh you know we like you we wanted to bring it into the regular rotation

yeah i uh uh yeah hopefully i'll have well let's see maybe all the stories will come after new york yeah but you know what i bet you have a story coming back from new york i bet you at least one cool thing or some weird thing happens while you're there it's new york baby it's got everything you know pretzel m&ms SLMNMs. Not in my city. Yeah, well, congratulations again on the... Yeah, I'll plug the movie. You can go to asogfilm.com and you can watch a trailer there.

And hopefully it'll be... I mean, I think they're hoping to get distribution out of this, all this exposure. And if not there, then hopefully at... This exposure? You coming on this show is hoping to get distribution out of this all this exposure and if not there then hopefully this exposure you coming on this show is supposed to get them distribution

we're king makers always have been Sean's been on the show look at him now well we're hoping that Schnucks will hear and want to be a sponsor sponsored by Schnucks

yeah it's the only DVD they have for sale well this is a Schnucks exclusive sponsored by yeah it's the only dvd they have for sale but oh this is a schnooks exclusive um but you can also i do a lot of i i make a lot of music for for video games as well as like their promotional material and animated shorts and stuff so i have a lot of experience scoring there with my fancy libraries so if you go to emmethallmusic.com you can hear all kinds of crazy stuff um because i work for clay entertainment and um we're putting out new video games and things like that are you this metal band that you're a part of you ever gonna

gig there yeah we got a gig on august 25th out at bullies in New Westminster. We're opening for some... Check this out. We're opening for a doom metal band from Mexico. Oh my God. I got bad news for you. Yeah.

They don't exist. We're headlining? Oh my God. We're not ready for this. If you want to hear our crazy demos, you can go to Necronado Bandcamp. Okay.

It's, yeah, it's me singing angrily. And it's pretty ripping stuff. I'm pretty proud of it, even though it's something kind of silly to be doing at this stage. No, that's you know you're never too old to do any of these things uh and also i've i've been trying to step out and like i said the comedy world uh i've been out of it for a while and i'm trying to do a

little bit of stand-up uh and uh did you say you took a class yeah i ended up i was like you know what i'm gonna take i'm gonna i saw a a coworker of mine took a blind tiger comedy class with Sasha Mark. And I went and saw his show. And for a guy who's never done stand-up, not only his five minutes, but the whole class's five minutes were amazing. And I thought, you know what? If you can get this kind of material out of people that have never really done it. Are these schnooks? Are these schnooks?

Are these maroons? These are sort of schnooks i want to try it and and i started from the the beginning again and uh and uh and then yeah graham had me on uh one of his laugh gallery shows i think the other month yeah that was fine and hopefully now that i've got this movie kind of out of my life and and things have calmed down and other in other ways then hopefully i can get back uh telling nonsense nonsensical jokes what if it goes the other way though this movie becomes a hit and then you become now people want the the score we need this guy who came up with the score then you're going to be doing all scores all the time you're

not gonna have time for stand-up the it's gonna be heavy metal joe confused orchestral film scores just so i can get get everything yeah which also just translates to yakety sacks yeah and i look forward to seeing you out there on the ice yeah oh yeah yeah pushing your chair around yeah yeah let's start playing hockey with the uh pushing your chair around yeah let's start playing hockey with the with the little walker yeah

we're still playing with sticks uh-huh it seems dangerous shoot it over to me come on guys let me just that's the point

I don't need to shoot it where where um speaking of stand-up comedy shows I will be holding another one

on June 30th at the Little Mountain Gallery that's on... That's this Friday. Is it? Oh, yeah. That's this Friday. Okay. Yeah, so check it out. It's going to be a great lineup. Lots of fun. And my guarantee to you is you'll be

home in bed by 10 o'clock. So, come see a comedy show. Be in bed by 10 o'clock. Come see a comedy show, be in bed by 10. You know you want it. Thank you everybody out there for listening to the show. We like you a whole bunch. We hope you come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org

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