Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 80 - Alistair Cook

Episode Date: September 15, 2009

Improviser and pitchman Alistair Cook joins us to talk about missing teeth, plan songs, and ballet school.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to Stop Podcasting Yourself, episode number 80. I know, the beginning of that decade that everybody can't let go of. My name's Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man without a tan, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I...

You don't tan. No, I don't, but the upside is i don't have tan lines and so it's sexual yeah so your nude photo shoots yeah it's all it's no conflict but uh no like it's uniform it's uniform and then i can just uh darken the whole thing in post and by the whole thing i mean you're dead okay. The kit and the caboodle. And joining us as our guest today is a performer, director, and producer of

all things improv here in Vancouver, Mr. Alistair Cook. That's right. Thank you for joining us. I'm excited. We're excited to have you. How long have you been doing improv for? Let's get to know us. Let's get to know us, sure. Get to know us sure get to know us how long have you been doing improv for uh i started improvising in uh about 89 wow so yeah are we wily so you started improv uh you were inspired by Honey I Shrunk the Kids was that out in 89?

Interspace inspired by Weekend at Bernie's just primarily movies that shrunk someone down that's your oeuvre when you started then if you started in 89 because I always hear about the stand up boom that happened in the early 90s

was there an improv boom that accompanied that? In Western Canada, there definitely was. Because in the 70s, there was... Theater sports was created. And it sort of expanded in sort of cascades in Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary. Right. And then everyone in the world caught on to this sports theater sort of vibe and it just spread and it was theater and theater sports are

different things um I say sports theater just because theater sports is a brand name sure and comedy sports is sports theater the Olympic when I think of sports theater I think of a live production of Friday Night Lights. Sure, yeah. The Mighty Ducks, the musical. And so what's going on for you just lately in general? Anything exciting? Oh, man. Well, the most exciting thing that's happening as of late, which I was working on this morning,

is the Vancouver International Improv Festival. Which happens in October? Septober. Septober, all right. September 29th to October 3rd. Half right. And it's our 10th anniversary.

10 years of bringing top international acts to Vancouver. Right on. A wide variety of the cool stuff. That's great. Early to plug, certainly, but why not? Yeah, early to plug, early to rise.

Yeah. Get your tickets at, can they go buy them through Ticketmaster? Or something that rhymes with rise? I'm going to sound unsalesmanly here and just, I don't know. Maybe go to VancouverImprovFest.com. Oh, so casual. I guess. Now, a lot of people will recognize your voice.

You are the voice and face of Spray and Wash. Well, that's because 97% of clothing labels have this, even on whites, Dave. Thank you. Oh, man. Dave's been talking about this all week. Very excited. Well, Alistair was 20 minutes late today, and so as penance, we had to have him sell, spray, and wash for us.

So you are the gentleman with no beard. That's true. Who sells, spray, and wash for people. Yeah, did they tell you you had to shave your... Because you're a beardsman. You have a very nice red tinged with a bit of a... Like kind of almost blonde. Sexy gray.

I like to call it sexy gray. Yeah. Sure. So, but they made you shave it off. Or did you do that? kind of almost blonde. Sexy gray. I like to call it sexy gray. Sure. But they made you shave it off. Or did you do that? You were like, you know. It was a choice you made. I don't think the Unabomber cannot sell cleaning products.

But what about that guy, that pitch man that had the beard? The guy that died? And I just want to tell you something. That the OxyClean guy, when I went to do my last commercial, they were saying that this is the exact counterpoint we want to make. Because he's really crazy and screaming at the audience, and I'm supposed

to be the casual guy that just wants to clean some clothes. So you were supposed to be the opposite him. Naturally, the beard had to go. Yeah, but the sexy gray in your beard, that's not cocaine, right? It's not. It's OxyClean. So, yeah, they did tell me to shave my beard.

But it's a funny story of how I got that job, because I actually don't do any TV or film or anything. I don't have any interest in doing it. Right. Because... Yeah, me neither. Me neither. I just let the word come to me. Which is pretty much what everyone at Vancouver Theatre Sports says to me as well, because they're working actors.

They're looking for these jobs. Right. I just wanted to see what a film and television audition was. A friend of mine called me and said, why don't you come in and audition? So I was like, all right. And not to create a theme here, but I woke up a little late. Missed the bus. I was there 15 minutes early.

But the issue was I was a little tired and I didn't care at all. And the director really liked how I was kind of sarcastic. And the whole point of the original auditions were improv. And the whole point of the original auditions were improv. And we were going to punk these extras by throwing... Spray and wash in their face? Throwing gravy on them. Grape juice and stuff like that. And then I would improvise with their reactions.

Which were mostly deadpan. I want to kill you. Or horrified. If there weren't cameras here, I would kill you. And then now 13 commercials later, it's like they keep calling me and I go, okay. Yeah.

13, wow. It's a real franchise. Yeah, you're becoming like, what's that guy? Maytag Man. The Unabomber. Yeah, the Unabomber. I've been totally turned out, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so corporate.

Yeah. Well, we were talking a couple weeks ago. We had a guest on who regularly goes to commercial auditions at Lachlan Patterson down in L.A. He does commercial auditions every week. I went to school with him, too. Did you? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah, he was telling us about the routine kind of humiliation involved with being in these advertising auditions.

I guess they're always terrible, and you just kind of had one time, and that's it. Knocked it out of the park. Yeah, you landed it. Now that the scripts arrive, it says Alistair on them. It's so ridiculous, guys. They flew me to Prague last time. They flew me to Prague for the commercial. Why?

What? Because it was cheaper there. Oh, okay. So I got apparently cheaper to fly me for $7,000 in business class to Prague. Wow. I am not complaining, all right? No, I'm not. It's just ridiculous.

It's ridiculous. This isn't going to jeopardize your future, is it? Being on this podcast and talking about it? I'm sorry, someone is mowing their lawn outside. That's not a lawnmower, that's a leafblower. Can we say that a leafblower is about the, like, in terms of environment,

leafblower is pretty much at the very top end of thing that produces most pollutants for least end of thing that produces most pollutants for least amount of thing that it does. I'm going to say flamethrower to clear snow from the drive. That's maybe tough. One more

would be flamethrower. Good call, Faraday. Something that melts something into water. But I would have thought that leaf blower would have been just, that's not a product anybody will buy, and yet every neighborhood has at least

one guy that has one. And you know what? It's not even fall yet. It's not leaf season. No, there are no leaves on the ground. Maybe he's trying to get an early start by blowing some out of the trees onto the ground so he can blow them around. That thing's been sitting idle all summer. It's waiting to do some damage.

Maybe he got it as a Father's Day gift and he can't... He couldn't wait. Did you have fun in Prague? I was there like two summers ago. Yeah, it's amazing. It's a beautiful architecture, but I did no research. I was working on another project.

And I was exactly that, Dave. I was exactly that. Where did I go? I went to the Starbucks because I went into two other places and no one spoke English very well. The language. The international language of love. The language that I speak. So I went to Starbucks.

And they all spoke English perfectly well. Free Wi-Fi. Free Wi-Fi. And I ate that chocolate chip cake seven times that week. In Prague, I noticed that pretty much every meal that you would order comes with an unusually high percentage of meat. Like, everything is meat there all the time. Do you have any trouble with that? I was a vegetarian

for about seven years, and then now I'm very much not. You handed in your vegetarian card? I did. I actually just gave up entirely. I'm actually, because it's radio, I figured it would be best for me to show a picture to you guys.

We thought you were just being very rude with your iPhone. Just checking my email. I want to show you this photo that, I'll just start describing it. Yeah, please. I took a shot of one of the meals I had in Prague. And it is the most... I'm guessing a lot of sausages. It was a sausage, yeah.

It was a sausage fest? It was a real sausage fest. And basically what it is is... You want to describe what that looks like? Oh, well, I mean... I can't even see it, but I'm guessing it looks like a penis. Is it too vile for you? No, it does.

It looks like a penis, but then there's... It's resting on a white... Lady? Yeah, white lady. It's resting on two dollops of mustard and horseradish that look like testicles. And then on top, it's got some lettuce that quite obviously... Puberty hair.

It's puberty hair. Wow. And that's how they presented it to me. And it was delicious, guys. I bet. Well, because you taste with your eyes First True, all the senses But well that's

Great Yeah well that's And that's an ongoing gig Well we'll see Whatever you never know But how many of them Have been in Prague where you're... Well, we'll see. I don't know. Whatever. You never know. The stock market could fall apart again. But how many of them have been in Prague? How many?

Oh, just one. Yeah. But they also... It was like... So suddenly it's cheaper to go to Prague? Well, they started talking, oh, it could be Buenos Aires this time. Oh, yeah. Next time I want to go to South Africa.

Chile. That's what they said. Does your character have a name? It's just mine. I wish. I wish. Okay. Character, Dave? Have's just mine. I wish. I wish. Okay. Character, Dave?

Have you seen these? I have. Yeah. Dave's done a lot of research for this podcast. Have you seen any of my coupons and stuff? No, I haven't seen a lot. You're on coupons? Yeah, I got coupons and stuff.

So is that a separate thing where you're on TV and then you have a separate coupon clause? Print and web campaign, yeah. Wow. That's a whole world that I never thought about it. It's why a lot of people joke about how Spray and Wash is the sponsor of the Vancouver International Improv Festival. Because I'll go do these commercials. I'll have some money around, and I'm like, yes, we will have an amazing opening night party. Oh, wow.

Well, congratulations. Yeah. You're finally making it after years of auditioning. We were talking. You mentioned that you look like the Unabomber with your beard. I don't agree with that. You're more like a... Guys, I merely said that the Unabomber wouldn't sell cleaning projects

right you but uh what i was thinking was there are two years that is exactly what he said and you can use either reference you can either reference oh i look like the unabomber if you have sunglasses and a hood on and a little mustache or i look like the unabomber if you have a giant kaczynski so they're not they're not the same guy see this this is my well no they are the same guy yeah but there were like two different visual representations of the same guy No they are the same guy But there were like two different Visual representations of the same guy Yeah one was just a sketch that was wrong

But everyone remembers it Because it looked like Weird Al Yankovic with glasses on Yeah yeah yeah And then the other one was Kaczynski Yeah the guy in the woods Did you read his book? No did you?

I'm going to tell you. Fascinating. How could it not be? He wrote it in prison? No, before. Oh, okay. And then it was released. But not very funny. How can I get a publisher?

Well, I can bomb people. That was one of the key problems with his whole strategy of getting published is he kept sending bombs to the wrong... He kept getting all... he wasn't organized so harper collins kept getting bombs yeah yeah and whatever corporation kept getting his manuscript um so he wrote this did he write it in a kind of mind conf manifesto style or was it it anecdotal? Did you ever notice? Like Leading With My Chin by Jay Leno? You know what it is?

It's about too few people controlling all of computers and how science is moving forward in this sort of blind way. Was he mad at justin long um you know it's it sounds actually like super kind of like sober and actually intelligent and and he wanted the world to wake up he just chose a really wrong way to go about it what else would he do though what else would a ted kaczynski what uh What other tools does he have at his disposal to get the world to pay attention? He's not a handsome man. Certainly he wouldn't have been a media darling. And do you think his book would have had the impact if he wasn't a bomber type?

Yeah, usually it's someone really handsome like Ralph Nader who is trying to convince people about these sorts of things. But he hasn't convinced anybody in nothing. No, exactly. But when George Clooney shows up on the scene, all of a sudden everybody's donating to this thing or that thing. Not everybody. I did.

Most people are ignorant about these things. You think? Even when Clooney gets on board? Yeah. Most people didn't see Leatherheads. To donate to 1920s football. Yeah. Football needs our money, though, guys. to donate to 1920s football. Yeah.

Football needs our money, though, guys. That's actually why you came here today, right? For football awareness? Yeah. www.footballawareness.com That's my new charity. Oh, wow. That spray and wash is the greatest fundraiser for football awareness. What is the name of the unabomber's book

oh crap i don't i don't remember couplehood couple sign language um so dave what's going on with you buddy what's happening oh man some weeks nothing happens with me this week i have way too much stuff to talk about i'm gonna have to chop it up over a series of weeks. Well, how do you know that see, this is, I argued this point with you. How do you know nothing's gonna happen to you this week? Uh, You just playing the averages? Yeah, like, plans

were made, and things happened around the plans in the past. I got no plans in the next couple weeks. Ah, I see. Um, so the big news was last week on LA Ink. But actually, do you want to talk about that girl on LA Ink who tried to do stand-up comedy? Only if Alistair knows about this girl on LA Ink.

I do. And in fact, I have a friend who, she is her idol. So, you know, guys, rip in. It's cool. Oh, am I? who she is her idol. So, you know, guys, rip in. It's cool. Kat Von D is who he's talking about. Oh, am I? Okay. Well, like, this girl I'm talking about

is nobody's idol. Well, no, but you don't know that. Oh, I don't know. We're talking about the person who opened the LA Ink? Yeah. Well, no, no, you are. I am, yeah.

Okay, my bad, my bad. No problem, but at least you're in the, you know, you're in the loop. All right. LA Ink, a TV show about... Lank. I don't think I ever mentioned this on the show, but after DJ AM died,

Graham was like... Graham said, DJ AM? I thought it was pronounced D-Jam. Anyway, Rip D-Jam. So funny. This guy's great Too soon

Too soon, well, it's been a couple weeks True He's been laid to rest And he was never really famous to begin with He was famous This is the one thing Los Angeles has this weird thing Where there will be people that are super, super famous

In LA Which you would think is Where if you're famous there, you're going to be famous everywhere. But that's not always the case. Sometimes you're only famous in L.A., and he was one of those guys. Well, he was a member of Crazy Town.

No, he wasn't, was he? Yes. Fact. Really? Yeah, I don't know if he was a member when they had their hit. Whoa. But he may have been a seminal member. Is Crazy Town the band that did Butterfly?

Yeah. Come My Lady. Thank you. Well done. I watch much music. Anyway, LA Ink. Yes. Last week, when we recorded our episode, it was during the airing of LA Ink.

The receptionist at the tattoo studio said... Real dits. Yeah, real... Classic blonde dits-o-rama. Very oblivious to the fact that everybody hates her. Also, doesn't have any tattoos. She does now. Yeah, but only...

If you worked at a tattoo parlor, you would think that would be one of the prerequisites. Hey, I like tattoos. I got a couple. Not this lady. She told people, oh, hey, you guys should come see me do stand-up comedy. I'm doing it this week. And everyone was like, why are you doing stand-up comedy?

And she said, oh, I've done it a few times before. It's one of my hobbies. and she said, oh, I've done it a few times before. It's one of my hobbies. And she told a couple of her jokes to the people in the store, to her co-workers. I wrote them down. Yes!

This is great. Okay, so the Ditz on LA Ink told this joke to a tattoo artist. Have you ever been to the hospital when your friend's babies are born and they think their kid is like the cutest kid that ever walked the earth? First of all, the kid hasn't walked yet. But if he did, pretty cute. And they ask you,

isn't this the cutest kid that ever walked the earth? It's like, yeah, except for the cone head and the forceps marks, absolutely. That's the joke. Hey-o! Strong observation. And I also wrote down what the people said after she told them the jokes.

The guy said, are you relying on that or do you have other material? Whoa! Because that was her closer. And her other joke, she only told two, was, Have you ever been there when your friend's having a baby? They both take place in a hospital. Have you ever been there when your friend's having a baby? They think that their kid is the cutest kid in the whole entire world.

Then you go to the nursery, the baby's smiling. The parents are like, wow, my kid's the smartest kid in the whole entire world it's smiling but then a fart always follows it and it's like hey that was gas well yeah i guess so uh and the responses to that was uh were that's terrible and the other one was was that a joke i was hoping you were going to be better than this here's my theory about this person is she's a ringer uh they have this show where like it's a bunch of tattoo artists and they're pretty self-serious about the tattoo thing and so then they like it's kind of like on uh on a sitcom a sitcom when it's kind of worn its path and then they bring on the crazy cousin or whatever to jazz it up. That's what I feel she is.

I feel they found somebody who was the dumbest or could play the dumbest and they put her in there. She doesn't know anything about tattoos. Everything about the show now is people clashing with her. That's what I would do if I had a reality show. I'd just introduce one new crazy element. If Miami Ink has anything to say for itself, it's got that one guy that is training to become a tattoo artist, who's like a punk rock...

Is he the Asian guy? Yeah, the Asian guy. Yoshi? I want to say Yoshi. I want to say Yoshi as well. But I feel like it's too easy. Ryu? Is it Ryu? Let's just rip off on Nintendo names here. Is it E-Honda?

And then she ended up, she invited everyone to come see her do stand-up, and then she chickened out at the last minute. And ran out the back door. Yeah. Yeah. Back door galore. How many times have I done that? Oh, my goodness.

Half of my career is that. Okay, so we have that behind us. Now I can really talk about what happened to me this week. You guys were supposed to stop me before I got into that. Oh, really? Well, no, you went the distance with it. Last weekend,

I went to Seattle to the Bumbershoot Festival. Maybe you heard the blues were calling. Top salads and scrambled eggs. And it was great. It was fun. Yeah, as is often the case. And you performed on the Vera Project

stage. Yeah, at the Canadian show. And how'd it go? Did anything funny happen at the... You had warned... Jane Stanton went with us. Well, she was there, too.

We didn't... There were five performers. We took five cars. Yeah. And you had warned her that, oh, just make sure... Just so you know, it's... Because you had performed at the show before.

Yeah, several years in a row. And there's often... Because it's in the very early afternoon there's families and kids and because it's just groups will just line up for whatever show there is and they'll just go in and watch the show it's fairly indiscriminate it's a mixed bag so yeah exactly you're gonna see something wonderful and then you're gonna see something terrible and so there are kids yeah you had warned her to keep it cleaner. Yeah. So that was in the back of my mind. And so I crossed out a bunch of jokes.

And I was supposed to do like 12 minutes. And I did like seven or eight. And then I did something at the end of the show where before we got in there, there were these people handing out all this free stuff from Fox. Ooh. Fox Television. Yeah. There were fringe keychains. Ooh.

There were dollhouse Japanese fans that you fan yourself. The one with Eliza Dushku? Yeah. Wow. There were house highlighters that were shaped like a syringe. Oh, wow. This is some quality swag I'm hearing about here. Yeah, what else was there?

Something, something, two and a half men? No, wait, is that Fox? CBS. Okay, what else is on Fox? There was a Bones notebook, you know, for writing notes about the TV show Bones. What about something that would be based on the Brad Garrett show?

Still standing? No. Not dead yet? Almost dead? God help us. But one of the things were these hats that had the logo for the new TV series Glee on them. With the L. Yeah.

And if you're a teenage girl, you love this show. It's ridiculous. Why do teenage girls... It feels like the networks decided that teenage girls were gonna love this show before it ever even debuted. And they were like, it's the show that you love. And then the girls all

just agreed, and now it's a hit. I believe it's because it's a Xerox copy of High School the Musical. Oh, so is that what happened? High School the Musical the Musical. The musical, the TV show. So do they dance and sing? There's musical numbers? It's a little more

acerbic, I think. It's got Jane Lynch involved. Yeah. Hilarious comedian. But what I did, I saw so many people with these hats, these glee hats on that were free. So what I did, I saw so many people with these hats, these Glee hats on that were free. So what I did is I took out, I had a hat and I put it on on stage. And I told everyone that I had been hired by Fox to talk about Glee.

And I just had them ask me questions about Glee. Is that what you did for your whole time on stage? No, no, just like the last four or five minutes That would have been great If you just did your whole time answering questions about Glee But I kind of Before we got into the festival I saw so many people with Glee hats

And I was like, oh, everyone in the audience is going to be wearing Glee hats But no one really understood I think people actually believed that I was hired by Fox, but it went pretty well. How did past guest Jane Stetton's set go? It went well. I think it was packed, so I couldn't be in the audience. So she didn't filth it up in front of the young kids and such? No, I don't believe she did.

All right. Well, she'd been warned. She's a class act. Yeah, all the way. But I saw Bootsy Collins walking around. Walking around. Wow. Was he dressed up all crazy? Yep.

Yet having a glee hat on. He traded in his giant top hat for a glee hat. He had a giant silver hat with a glee hat on top of it. Wow. And, uh, yeah, we didn't stick around after it. Wow. And, yeah. We didn't stick around after the show either. Like, we didn't...

You didn't take part in any of the Bumbershoot? No. Oh, but one thing that happened... Did you have any corn? No. That was the thing at Bumbershoot. Have you been to Bumbershoot? I have not been there. They do this thing, and it's my favorite thing that I've ever seen outside of popcorn, which is pretty amazing.

But corn-wise, they take the corn on the cob. They cook it in a slightly different manner than boiling it. I think there's a lot of butter involved. And then they put spices and sour cream on it, and you just eat it. Like a paprika on it? Yeah. It is outstanding. It's the best kind of midway food, I think.

This side of mini donuts that I've ever had. They shove a stick in the end of it? No, it's just literally the cob. Wow. But it's ready to go. Do they call that Mexican style? I think that might be Mexican style. It's the kid in Nacho Libre.

He's always eating corn and like every other... That's the way that they do it. It's like a sour cream. You remember that scene where he's always eating corn. Yes. But I didn't have any corn, but my brother came. Did he have corn? No, he...

Man, I feel like I should have warned you guys about the corn. Now I feel guilty. There's... It's all... I've never been to Bombershoot before, and I always assumed it was kind of in the middle of nowhere but it's not it's in seattle center yeah right right at uh under the needle under the needle yes and there was a there's a food court in one of the buildings and my brother had a coupon to an orange julius so i raced uh because i had to be backstage at one point and then i had had to race over and get a two-for-one Orange Julius with him before he went to see Katy Perry.

Wow. I wish I was making this up. She probably had some corn. That's my guess. Yeah. She has people who would advise her on the best snacks to check out. And nothing better than an Orange Julius to wash down some Mexi-corn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. But then they, it was super disorganized. We didn't know how to get in to the festival. As performers. Yeah, yeah. So we showed up and uh the uh david milchard and

jason bryden both past guests both past guests they uh they were the host of the show and they in their show they play characters named chris and bev pocock yep and they got there, they couldn't get in because their names on the list were their character names, not their actual names. That's ridiculous. That is the height of ridiculousness. That is ridiculous. Really? Here's something you'll enjoy. Yeah. My name wasn't on the list, but yours was.

Oh, there you go. There you go. So I had a performer pass with your name spelt wrong on it. Oh, yeah? What was it spelled? Clark with an E. Oh. And no corn. See? That's how it... Yeah, that was the thing. The last couple of years I've been down there,

you had to kind of almost trick your way into the festival as if you weren't performing on the festival, but you were legitimately performing on the festival. I think if we can summarize Bumper Shoot, it's kind of like it's not the greatest festival because the best thing at the festival is corn with sour cream on it, guys. You know, that's the best thing. You know, Chilliwack.

Go to Chilliwack. There was free stuff. You know, free stuff from Fox. Glee hats. Glee hats. Yeah. A hat is a substantial thing to give away for free, especially by the thousand load. But that's the thing.

They're trying to make Glee really run the distance. Well, they've already paid for 13 episodes. Yeah, what do you got to do? Hand out some hats. Yeah. Hand out some Bones notepads. No problems. Well, Bones is an established thing that people love already.

You love. I don't like Bones. Graham. Yeah. Let's get to know you. Yeah, what happened? I like it as Let's get to know you. Yeah. What happened? I like it.

Like, has it been the theme of every week? Mostly, all I've been doing is working. But last weekend, I had an instance. I think it was very shortly after the podcast, actually. No, we taped on Thursday last week. So it was on Saturday. I went to the grocery store, and there was a guy having a lot of trouble. Like there was the last...

You know like they'll stack up the hand carts or whatever when you go to a supermarket. Am I saying the right thing? Basket. Not hand carts. Basket. Held in a hand basket. This guy had loaded all his stuff into this basket that was like the last basket

and then it wouldn't kind of let go of the wheelie device that it was sitting on and uh i was staring at him and i was like i don't really want to get involved in this situation at all he was really swearing at it he couldn't get it to as he entered the store or no no he had all he bought all his items uh presumably carried them in a you know kind of close to his chest and it was like i'm i gotta get a basket to continue on my way and so dumped all his stuff into this basket and then it wouldn't release okay from the the wheeling device and he was swearing at it and then uh he kind of went off i guess maybe to get help and i was like i guess i'll because i was waiting in

line i was like i guess i'll help but very reluctantly I was like, I guess I'll... Because I was waiting in line. I was like, I guess I'll help. But very reluctantly, I was like... I don't know, because I'm trying to be a good citizen, I guess. I don't know. Do you have that compulsion, Alistair, to be a good citizen? First of all, I think the guy was hungry. And you never go shopping when you're hungry. Good call.

And that's why he went for one thing, then ended up with eight things. Yeah, he didn't plan properly. He didn't plan, but then he puts it in the basket, then the basket frustrates him. So that's a frustrated, hungry man that is not satisfied with the shopping. Yeah, stay out of his way. I stay the fuck away from him.

Yeah, so you, like, in essence, I was entering into a potentially dangerous situation where I could have gotten bitten. Was he armed? You were asking for it. Yeah. I don't know what you got, but he armed? You were asking for it. Yeah. I don't know what you got, but whatever it is, you asked for it. What if I got a Medal of Valor?

Would I have then got what I was asking for? I guess. Yeah, see? You don't know how this story is going to turn out if it doesn't turn out positive. So I went to go help, and as I was trying to pull the thing free, I realized, oh, it's strapped it's the bottom basket that you stack all the other baskets in welded no zap strapped you know plastic

zap straps and uh as i was realizing that the guy came back around the corner and started yelling at me assuming i was stealing his items right not that he had purchased mind you just picked out but he started screaming those those are my items and i was like i'm just trying to help and he's like those are my items put them back and i obviously had not taken anything out to the basket but now it had turned into a fucking circus did he say items yes and everybody was staring at me as if i had gone and stolen this he was not elderly but he was an older man. Older man's items from his basket. It was

humiliating. I'm not getting involved in anything ever again. No, you learned your lesson. You got what you deserved, though. But what? I thought I was trying to help. Mm-mm. No. Have you ever done that, where you've tried to help and it's just blown up? If I was like an alien

and I landed on the planet and I didn't know how to shop, I'd probably steal a grocery cart full of items to make it easier for myself. Oh, yeah. Sure. These are the items I need. Yes. And check out. Everything's equal.

It's done. Are you saying that I had an alien encounter? Like this guy was an alien? No, I'm saying that you thought you were an alien. Oh, so he was well within his rights to be angry. Or you were just, like, shop-tarded and you weren't able to... I'm surprised that he used the term

items. Because that's something they would say on, like, 12 items or less. Or, you can buy any item and upgrade to whatever. No, and he was very angry. Like, he was screaming at me. Those are my items. That's my stuff. Or get away from my thing. No, those are my very angry. He was screaming at me. I would have assumed that's my stuff or get away from my thing. No, those are my items.

Wow. My objects. It was... But the weird thing was it wasn't... If it was in the parking lot when all purchasing had been done, I could see a little more... But if I took his hot dogs, he could just walk over to the hot dogs and get another hot dog. He hasn't invested that much time into his shopping anyway. Well, not even enough to know to bring a basket.

He wasn't even at a full basket load. When I was in the States, I noticed when we go to the States, we try to buy Twix peanut butter and Take Five bars, because they're not available here. But we went to a grocery store and the parking lot was just full of carts. People just abandoned their carts. That's the American economy for you. Here you have to put a quarter in to get the cart

and you get your quarter back when you put the cart back. But is it just... We're a quarter away from just having a parking lot full of carts? Yeah. And what's weirder is in Vancouver, unlike most cities I've seen, there's a lot of parking lots that have instituted this weird security mechanism on the carts.

Immobilizing. Wheel lock. Yeah, that it will stop your cart in its tracks. Like there's a little like, it's almost like, what do you call that? A Dallas boot? Denver boot? That locks itself into place on the wheel. One of the D cities.

So yeah, we've got the exact. Del Housie is not a city. American cities have the exact opposite problem that we have. They've got too many carts, no takers. We've got too many takers, not a city. American cities have the exact opposite problem that we have. They've got too many carts, no takers. We've got too many takers, not enough carts. Although, have you guys ever had the cart with the one bad wheel? I mean, seriously. Don't get him started.

Anything else to report? Yeah, I was in Victoria. I went and did comedy shows in Victoria over the weekend. And at one point after the show, there was this guy that sat down and he was telling us about... He was a radio guy, like he was somehow engaged in... He was a radio personality or something. And he was going radio guy like he was somehow engaged in he was a radio personality or something and he was going on and on

he told us these very lengthy stories and very involved in all sorts of characters but the whole time myself and the other comedian I was with were looking at one of his front teeth were missing no were I think I got that right

you said one of well there was one of the front teeth and then there were several back teeth that were missing yeah you didn't say that it was implied oh man you're such a glee mom um i uh but the whole time he was telling us all these crazy stories but not one was oh this is how i lost my front tooth it's impossible and then he left and we were like what the fuck it's impossible to concentrate when someone has really fucked up teeth but like when you're missing a tooth that should be your intro line that you kind of go in with is hello i'm so and so and this is how by the way stop your staring right now I'll explain it

Yeah, I had an accident But like the whole time It was like an Alfred E. Newman He was missing that tooth But no explanation Well, he wasn't worried about it What, him worry? Yeah, that's true

Too many steps You had someone try to see your show in Victoria but couldn't get in? Yeah. A listener? Yeah, a listener of the podcast tried to, but didn't contact me to see if I could sneak them in, which I totally easily could have, having access to the back door of the club, and could have just opened the door and you could have come in. Not only avoided the sellout that it was, but you could have just come in and seen the show for free.

So in the future, wherever in your city, let us know if it's sold out. Yeah, or let us know in advance that you would like to attend so that we make sure that you are able to get into said show. Yeah. And if you're missing a tooth, for the love of God. Explain it. Yeah, just mention why you're missing a tooth, for the love of God. Explain it. Yeah, just mention why you're missing a tooth, because it's, oh, so frustrating.

Now I still don't know to this day why that guy's missing that tooth. And it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Yeah, I guess so. And how can you have a radio announcer voice with a hissing sound? Yeah. I want to know. With that, like, faint whistle every time. Yeah, so that's

all that's fit to print. I'm missing my two front teeth. I should go to Carter Dodge and buy a Dodge. Who's that supposed to be? Someone selling Dodges. I think it's Adorable

104 FM. How much is that doggy in the window? Adorable 104. Well, that's going to be the takeaway. I'm pretty sure. And now for the puppies and kittens hour. On Adorable 104. Oh, they're climbing all over each other.

I'm missing my two front teeth. Oh, here's a list of things I want for Christmas. Oh, well. We do traffic on the ones. Anything else that radio does? Yeah, I'm out. Why did I start with Carter Dodge? What is Carter Dodge?

Is that a thing? I feel like it's a Dodge dealership. All right. Run by Mr. and Mrs. June Carter Cash. Oh, yeah. Also, I think closed. Yeah, I believe so. I think it's also a lot of despair.

It's about as far from adorable. Yeah, way to tap into the despair market. There's adorable despair. Name one. Dakota Fanning. My dad is I am Sam. Oh, lordy. All right, you guys want to move on to some overheards?

Yeah, buddy, I do indeed. Overheard. Overheard. Overheards. Things overheard in general life, on the street, in a restaurant perhaps, maybe a supermarket, maybe you overheard me fighting with a man over his products or items.

And as is our tradition on the podcast, if the guest would like to start, would you be interested in that? Sure, yeah. This is one of my favorite parts of your podcast, actually. So, my overheard is recently a new restaurant

moved into my building. And it has a clientele that is not necessarily the same that would be found in a more traditional Main Street dining hunt. So for people who aren't from Vancouver, Main Street Vancouver, hip kids. It's like the people in Main Street would love to say it's the Williamsburg of Vancouver,

the hipster area. And you live in a building, for people that don't know, that has storefronts on the bottom. Yeah, totally. And anyway, so there's some... All right, so they're pretty douchey. Some of the people that go to this restaurant, nice people who own it, but pretty douchey. So there are these gentlemen with tap-out shirts. Oh, yes, okay.

It's about 11 o'clock at night. They're smoking outside the restaurant. They've got full pints of beer in their hand, and they're talking about some guy that they beat up or whatever. Yeah, MMA talk. And it's like it's a bunch of dudes, and they're muscular. And it's like it's a bunch of dudes, and they're muscular. And then all of a sudden, this gaggle of giggling. A giggle gaggle.

Blondes and under-blonded brunettes. You know that haircut? Yeah, ladies who dyed their roots brown? Yeah, yeah. As it goes? They show up, and what I overheard was this. Hey, you guys want to come to a lifeguard party? We're having a lifeguard party!

That was the opener. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means at all. Is it a lifeguard-themed party party like everyone dress up as a lifeguard no i think it's like uh like uh like everybody does resuscitation yeah i think that the women decided to drown in alcohol and the men had to go and save them or is it legitimate lifeguards throwing a party throwing a legitimate part what's the weird it's it's like a totally formal affair with just like lifeguards happen to be at this party what what's the weirdest... It's like a totally formal affair with just lifeguards happen to be at this party.

What's the weirdest theme party you've been to? Recently? In your life. Oh. For me, someone thought to combine pirate and porno.

So it was a porno pirate party and everyone... So you had to watch pornos? There was a porno pirate party. And everyone... So you had to watch pornos? There was a porno playing on the TV that had a nautical theme. That's not bad. And this was stolen off the internet. No, no. They actually went to a porno...

Oh, it was pirated. Yeah. Hey. Sorry. Yeah. Way to come late to the porno pirate party uh but they like you had to dress in some kind of uh did you go did you dress up yeah i had a as a porno a hook penis oh nice and i was wearing an eye patch that was a condom wow like uh one third of TLC. Condom eye patch.

Rest in peace. Yeah. Weirdest theme party? I don't think I've ever been to something that was like creatively that theme. I went to a party that was a spin the bottle party. And everybody, like you couldn't show up if you had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Oh, wow. Because there would be smooching.

And I think they did also, I wasn't present for that, but the closet thing where they put two people in a closet. Seven minutes in heaven. Seven minutes in heaven. Seems like that. It takes a lot of time. Uh, yeah. You know, they give you, throw in a pack of cards with you and then you can just play a quick game. I never

played Seven Minutes in Heaven. But you're just supposed to kiss, right? Well, you're trying to get as far as you can in seven minutes. heaven uh but you're just supposed to kiss right well you're trying to get as far as you can in seven minutes to me that's finishing and having a cigarette that's heaven um yeah that was kind of it was weird because i think a lot of people showed up thinking that the theme was like that was just something they wrote on the card. And then there was the other contingent that knew that it was they were playing for keeps. Racing for pinks. What age were you? Oh, this was when I was in my early 20s.

Okay. Wow. Yeah, this wasn't when I was a teenager. This was post-20s. A kissing party in your 20s. That's weird. That's what was weird about it. It was like, hey, now that we're not tweens, it was like a throwback. Sure. And it was a lot of fun. Because it was like that thing, only with more alcohol. A teenage kissing party, it's kind of like, oh, well, I don't have to commit.

Like, I don't really like you. The bottle said we had to kiss. Yeah. This one, yeah. Blame the bottle. Yeah. There's the question of who threw this party, and were they still wanting to learn how to kiss for the first time?

Graham, did you throw this party? It was thrown by a millionaire recluse. The Unabomber. Yeah, exactly. Passing out some of his books. This was a big promotional skim. The bombs didn't work, so... Why does the Unabomber have a foreign accent?

Kaczynski, as in the Polish Kaczynski clan. Did you ever have weird parties? I had a white trash party once, Did you ever have weird parties? I had a white trash party once, and I went as Nouveau Riche. Oh, that's good. Did anybody get it? So you had your tap-out shirt. It was mostly because I did not have a white undershirt, nor a mesh hat. Sure.

Is tap-out shirt the new wife-beater shirt? I don't know. What is the new wife beater shirt? I don't know. What is the new equivalent of dirt bag? I guess an Ed Hardy. But these are expensive shirts. Is a tap out shirt expensive? I know Ed Hardy shirts are expensive. My thinking now is the new like the old, not old

but the previous incarnation was a wife beater and perhaps a trucker hat of some sort. I think the new incarnation, still baseball hat. I wouldn't roll that out, but certainly more gelled hair. Yeah, a glee hat. And like either a tap out or, well, Ed Hardy seems to be it's a bit more expensive, an Ed Hardy shirt. I believe so. So I'm thinking a tap out or whatever. What's the one level down from tap out there's another one that i'm there's tap out and then

there's another roofies yeah roofies uh do you know do you know who christian odigie is uh no do you he is a clothing designer and he um he's been apparently apparently he just bought do you know who Gordon Gatrell is? was he the lead singer of Violent Femmes? no he was a fake fashion designer on the Cosby Show we've had this conversation Christian Odigier

I believe he just bought the house Michael Jackson died in he is a fashion designer. Yeah. Quote unquote. He has been hanging out with John Gosselin a lot. Oh, yeah. Oh, John Gosselin is my new.

He's my new archetype. Uh-huh. Yeah. Go on. I'll explain. And then you go on. Christian Odigie. He I believe he has designed for Ed Hardy and maybe Tap Out.

Okay. The Tap Out. Yeah. And he is also the gentleman responsible for the Von Dutch hat. Yeah, I was going to say, like, Von Dutch or Everlast. That's that one below. Oh, Everlast. Oh, no, Everlast is boxing, though, right?

Or is it now MMA as well? I don't know if it... I believe... What era of Everlast? The one where... What the hell is his name? Come on. The musician Everlast, forget it.

Did you ever see his first album? Do you ever know what it's like? His first album, he was wearing suits and he had a lot of hair and he was kind of like supposed to be this smooth, handsome dude and then how he has fallen to

tap out. Yeah, he's got to tap out. Wow. Oh, what? John Goslingling uh yeah i guess so the he's he i see his look and his general people who have been living under some kind of awesome rock yeah iraq uh john gosling is the john from john and kate plus john and kate yeah, and he is this guy who I see it now as like a guy who's in his... I guess he's not that old of a guy.

He's under 40. Yeah, for a guy who has eight kids, he's not like an old... Well, you know, they had most of them in one batch. Yeah. But I see his type walking around a lot as a guy who's wearing a button-up shirt most of the time that has print on it, some sort of print. Right.

Like not a solid color print, but some sort of splashy, perhaps some rhinestones involved in it. Peacock feathers. Certainly not tucked in No, not tucked in with shorts Flip flops, super gelled hair And just like the real Too much drinking face Where the face is swollen And he's bloated And I'm seeing him

And now I just call anybody That looks remotely like that Is now the John Gosling High on life He's free from his bondage of marriage He's high on life. He's high on life. I wouldn't. He's free from his bondage of marriage. He's just living it up. Yeah.

He is as much of an idiot as he is. I kind of feel for him. He had like. No one wants eight kids and to be married to Kate. Yeah. Well. Have you seen a full show? No.

Okay. I've seen clips of her yelling at him. I got TV a week ago after five years of not having it. Ooh, what's that like? Not having TV? That seems like it would be miserable. Well, now I know the kind of havoc I'm reaping across the world with my commercials.

Okay. I don't know how annoying it is. Did you ever hold it over people's head that you didn't have TV? Because people with TV don't care. Yeah, it seems like a lot of people give the oh, I don't have a TV, dot, dot, dot, I'm better than you kind of attitude.

Is that what you're talking about? I merely have that come up when uh say 25 minutes go by of discussions of tv right references and you're like and i and i feel unfortunately i have nothing to say here but now now that you have it you're interesting and i uh yeah thanks yeah you're back in the conversation mostly because i watch tmz and i i cut up on a lot of this a lot of stuff. A lot of this stuff. I know now. In Canada, we say Zed, but if anything is branded, like ZZ Top or TMZ, we'll give you the Z. Yeah.

So brand your letter Z, America, and we'll come over to your side. It's easy as that. It's easy as that. Yeah, JZ. Nuh-uh. It doesn't exist. Enough Z enough. Dave, do you have an overheard?

I suppose I do. Oh, you're that excited about it? I was at the Bumbershoot Music and Arts Festival. Oh. And as I mentioned, the people from Fox were giving away hella stuff. Glee hats. Glee hats. Dollhouse fans.

The Dollhouse fans actually weren't Japanese fans. And they're the only fans that that show has? Is that what the implication was? They were like mouse pads, but on a stick. Mouse pads on a stick. Wow. Anyway, but there were also people giving away, from other corporations, giving away free stuff outside. Right.

And one person was giving away soy joy bars. Oh, I've had them. And a guy was going up, walked past a woman who was handing away soy joy bars. Just dishing out the soy joy. Yeah, just dishing out some SJ. And the guy was like, oh, what is this? And it's clearly some kind of granola bar or something.

She says, oh, it's a soy joy bar. It's a fruit soy bar. And the guy says, oh, it's a bar. Oh, so he was upset. No. Earlier when you were talking about the Orange Julius place, you said he was really confused about how to get in there. And all I had was this image of this guy really confused making an Orange Julius.

And then the orange goes in. But the thing, I use a blender. And now there's people confused by bars. Yeah, I guess I'm not much of a storyteller but uh or everyone at Bumper Shoot is entirely confused hey this is our 80th episode

I can have one clunker of an overheard no I'm just thinking it's the same guy you know I'll get you I'll make you an Orange Julius for this bar I don't get it. Graham. Yeah, buddy.

Sorry. I was eating at a restaurant yesterday, actually. And there was two... I kind of got the feeling like there were two teenage girls that they had the afternoon off and saw this like cafe restaurant were like let's go yeah let's go eat there and then quickly upon opening up the menu realized they were in too deep price wise okay um they were teenage kids right and so they both ordered a salad to share and uh they were eating the salad and then um kind of when they were finishing the salad, they asked the waiter, who is a very friendly chap. And they said, and they were trying to sound very refined as if eating out in restaurants is something they do often.

They go, excuse me, how much is water? And he goes, I don't understand. And they go, like a glass of water? And he goes, it's free. And they go, we'll have two waters. We'll have ten waters, please. I enjoyed that this was... It's an appetite suppressant.

Excuse me. What is a typical gratuity? This is a food critic from Adorable FM. How much is a waco? I went and had a double salad. Is it unlimited croutons? It's not. Croutons mean dollars.

Yeah, two per table table and that's it So that was my Overheard from yesterday I have some written in overheards Do you have some phoned in overheards? Hell yeah Alright This one is from Audrey D

I was walking down A main street in Portland Passing by a hat store A woman walking in the opposite direction said to her friend, you can't go into a hat store and not have fun. Which is true. If you've ever seen a montage in any movie ever. What's your favorite hat store in Vancouver? My favorite hat store in Vancouver? I don't really have one. The one on Granville Island is pretty... The only one I can think of have one. The one on Granville Island is pretty...

The only one I can think of is I Love Hats. Granville and Broadway. Granville and Broadway. Or Lids in the mall. I bought a hat from Lids. You weren't supposed to give it that much thought, Graham. The answer is I Love Hats. Oh, okay.

Our official sponsor this week. This is from Erin H. Quote from a girl in line for Chicago to her friend. I'm telling you, this play is set in New York. Friends response, you're kidding, right? Girl, ugh, no, where else would it be set in? Friends calm but disdain-filled response, Chicago, hence the name. Girl, oh.

So, pretty, uh... Did you ever see the film Chicago? Yeah. I did not. Tell me about it. Well, you know... And all that jazz, right? I'm not gonna be able to fill in anything that you don't know about. Here's some fun facts about the movie Chicago. Go ahead.

It was filmed in Toronto. Was it? And Richard Gere played an actor This next one Is actually, these are over scenes This is from Allison B Here's a couple of photos This one is

The first photo is of a record In a window That's been doctored with a felt pen. It's a Julio Iglesias album that's been changed to Julio in glasses, and somebody's drawn glasses on Julio Iglesias. Pretty good. Solid gold. It's pretty delightful. Yeah, that is a solid bit of delight.

And then this is a sink. Pres, presumably that's sitting outside somewhere. Somebody's written on the side of the sink, wash your hands now. And somebody's written on the other side of the sink, give me back my sink, you wank. But it's a sink that's been obviously taken out of a house, tossed on the lawn. If you want your sink back, just take it, you wank. Yeah, there's no reason to get angry and sweary about it. And British about it. Yeah, exactly.

You don't have to have British insults. All right, this is from Anna M. These are some overseen tattoos. My roommate's boyfriend, who has a number of tattoos, both good and bad, was describing to us two more he was planning on getting. I will try to reproduce his delivery as best I can. This is one of the tattoos he's going to get. A dude in a suit, like a nice suit, with a pizza for a head.

Eating a piece of pizza. Leaning on a T-top Camaro with a banner above his head that says, Aye. So that would be the tattoo. It would be a man with a suit. A nice suit. With a pizza for a head. Eating a pizza.

Leaning on a car. Banner says, How do you spell I? Many A's followed by many Y's. Okay. It might have been A. And then the second one is a polar bear riding a centaur, and the polar bear

is wearing a suit of armor, and the centaur is like reared up on its hind legs, you know, and looks real pissed, and the polar bear is wearing a suit of armor. And the centaur is like reared up on its hind legs, you know, and looks real pissed. And the polar bear is holding an axe. And the centaur is holding a huge sword like they are going into battle. See, when I first heard it, I thought the polar bear was riding on the centaur. But no, they're fighting each other. He's writhing on the centaur.

Ooh, yeah. I once tried to convince my friend that i got a tattoo of a baby devil a cartoon baby devil oh and uh it worked because he didn't ask to see it i i was just describing that i had this tattoo and he was like it seemed logical yeah this is dave's first tattoo why not cartoon baby Either that or the comedy tragedy masks. Yeah, because I love drama. Like a sunset or something. Yeah, and I think that's it. Abby had this friend who was showing his tattoo.

It's a bad sign when a man has a lower back tattoo. Like a tramp stamp? I'm not familiar with that term oh uh let me describe it to you it's a tattoo that's above a lady's bottom oh like it supposing she's a tramp yeah like charlie chaplin from the old movies a little tramp the tramp tv's the tramp uh but he had this tattoo of a surfer a silhouette of a surfer on a sunset on his arm, in addition to his tramp stamp. And he was trying to explain to her

about how he would make it better, but it was terrible to begin with. And the only way to make it better is just to cross it out. Yeah. And saw off his arm. A big cross through it, and then underneath write, omit.

That's all the overheards? That's all the overheards that were in it. If you want to write into us with an overheard, you can reach us at stoppodcastsyourself at gmail.com. Okay, let's play some called-in overheards. Hey, Greg and Dave. This is Warren calling from Toronto with an overheard. I was riding the subway yesterday with a friend of mine, and I couldn't help but overhear these two women talking. They're clearly co-workers on their way home. clearly just been dumped by some guy. But the catch to that is she was telling her friend how the guy called her from Berlin and was like, oh yeah, so I moved to Germany. We're broken up now.

And to make it even more weird, he apparently even worked with the two of them and hadn't told their work. And so he quit his job and broke up with this woman all at the same time in a single day by moving to Berlin. And so this girl is explaining it to her coworker. And she's like, well, don't tell anyone at the office. I don't want them to know. She's like, well, you have to tell someone. Otherwise, it'll be awkward. And then one of them got off the subway, and that was it.

Wow! Stupendous. Thank you very much for calling that in. Yeah. How do you explain... Who hasn't dreamt of getting out of an awkward situation by moving to Berlin? Like, not even telling your work or your family that you're going. Or your girlfriend.

Yeah, you just go. There's a 2.30 a.m. flight to Sri Lanka on Saturday nights, just FYI. Yeah? Just so you know. What, every Saturday night? Every Saturday night. What would I do in Sri Lanka? Yeah, it's India's teard I. Yeah? Just so you know. What, every Saturday night? Every Saturday night. What would I do in three legs? Yeah, it's India's teardrop.

Yeah. I guess, man. But that's... She said she wasn't going to tell anyone at work, but they're going to know because he's not coming... Hey, what... Weren't you dating that guy?

Oh, he's in Berlin. First he's taking Manhattan, then he's going to take Berlin. Is that Leonard Cohen? It is. Or it was. Is he so great? Yes. Okay. Short answer, yes. Long answer...

What about that song about Berlin and Manhattan? Well, it really set a standard for the direction in which, if you're going to take one, how you should do it and which one you should take first. Agreed or disagreed? Poetic and informative. Yeah, I always got that song confused with the Pet Shop Boys,

I got the brains, you got the looks, let's make lots of money. Yeah, but they don't talk about Berlin and Manhattan. I know, but it was kind of like, here's a plan. Famous plan songs. How many plan songs are there? Certainly the Paul Simon 50 Ways to Lose Your Lover. famous plan songs how many plan songs are there certainly uh the paul simon uh 50 ways to leave your lover that's a good plan song yep um oh what about the one about um sunny came home with a vengeance that was kind is that a plan song or a post plan song where you're describing that a

sean colvin song yes janie got a gun oh janie got a gun that's a good plan that's that's post what happened though isn't that isn't that in the aftermath we can learn from our mistakes sure yeah we can what about eminem eminem had a plan song where he's gonna bury his wife and drown her in a car or something yeah i really only know the singles yeah yeah what i'm trying to think of like some really good like i'm gonna this yeah well the Well, the Backstreet Boys had several steps in one song. No, step by step was New Kids on the Block. That's what I meant? Yeah, that's fine.

No one's judging you for not knowing the difference. Like, don't get defensive. Like, oh, no, no, no, no, guys. Seriously, I'm a fan of both. Really Crazy Town is the only boy band. All right. Oh, man. I want to know more.

DJ AM's plan? I want to know more plan songs. Songs where there's a plan. Death Cab for Cutie had an album called Plans. Were all the songs different plans? Yeah, sure. One's How to Build a Shelf. The second one was about a pirate treasure map alright well send in your

plan songs to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com hi spies this is Bria in Wisconsin and I was just at a bar where I overheard a guy trying to explain who he was talking about he said you know my friend Shark Teeth

no the other Shark Teeth. No, the other one. And I just love the idea. Did you hate this? All right. Three Shark Teeth? Three friends named Shark Teeth? Or three people that could be adequately described as

Shark Teeth? Shark Teeth or Shark Tease? Yeah, somebody who teases a shark out your pants she's kind of a shark tease it's like being a uh card shark and uh tease at the same time is that it is a card shark one is one is obviously a dental hygienist let's just shark teeth yeah oh good call and one is the guy who was talking to you in Victoria and had the weird shark teeth. Do they have two layers of teeth? Great whites?

Great white sharks. Great white sharks. Oh, I thought you meant the guy who was talking through the bar. They have, I think they have two layers of teeth. Yes. And then they just keep growing layers of teeth. And a great deal of mystery and misunderstanding about how they operate in the wild. Shark water. Rent it.

Hello, Graham and Dave and guests. This is Todd the Pokebumper again. I have an overheard for you in which I was playing Scrabble at my in-laws with my two brothers-in-law. And during a low Lenar conversation, I heard my father-in-law from the other room say quite loudly, Oh yeah, cat poo is like candy to the dogs. I don't want to know the context of that.

I'll tell you the context. Cat poo is like candy to the dogs. They love it. Do they really? Oh yeah. Why? I don't know exactly why, but we walk Grandpa off leash in the mornings. Grandpa, my dog. And he...

Important. Important. There's one yard that doesn't have a fence that is full of cat poo, and we have to really watch him when we go past that yard. I had no idea this was a thing. Oh, it is absolutely a thing. Did you know this? No, but I kind of want to harvest a lot of cat food or cat poo.

And sell it to Dogwood. On Halloween. Don't want that. Here you go. Snickers for you and for your dog, cat poo. Woof or treat. woofer treat so this being a fact how come no company has

figured out a way to make it some degree sanitary as a treat for your dogs because it's disgusting not if it's like carefully irradiated but there's a lot of stuff your dog wants to eat that is terrible

your dog wants to eat chicken bones but you shouldn't have that. Well, that's a good point. Your dog is an idiot. That's true, your dog is an idiot. Okay, we have one overheard. One more. Hi, Graham and Dave.

This is Graham's mom calling from Calgary. We're just back from holidays in BC, and I have two quick overheards. Kind of the good and bad of parenting. The first is between a 20-something-year-old guy and about a 4-year-old boy. Mr. 20-something says in a very loud voice to the little kid, look, if you're going to ask me all these effing questions, you need to listen to the answers.

I clearly said it was a doe and two fawns, not a bear and her cub. Jackass. Oh, man. Did we talk about that now? Yeah. Or did we carry on? Not a bear in her cup Jackass Oh man Did we talk about that? Did we carry on? No that's I feel like the MMA John Gosling culture

Has created a Some kind of super parent Some kind of awesome parent Who's not afraid to tell their kid Who doesn't take no guff tell their kid what a douchebag he is. Who doesn't take no guff from their kid. What's the worst thing that you've been... That your dad has said to you.

Where you've been present for a parental disciplining, but you were like, I gotta get out of here, or I gotta step in. I gotta do one or the other. I gotta vanish, or I gotta... Oh, I've never stepped in. No, I never have. But I've never really witnessed anything terrible. Well, gentlemen, you should live beside a

ballet school. Oh! Yes! Yeah, the... Oh, yes! Yeah, the, oh man, some of the parents that are taking their tiny little adorable children into the ballet school are incredibly mean to their kids.

It's normally the same thing. It's the child is worried about, you know, the first day of classes, and it's saying adorable stuff like, but what if they don't like me or whatever? And the parents will go, I am shelling out $1,000. Really?

Just explaining these adult things to these tiny little kids that are just like, I just want you to say everyone will love me. Yeah, I have no concept of money. But yeah, the one time was just when they were leaving and they were like, I am never signing you up for anything again. It's like I ended up walking down and just staring at her

and then she quieted up. Really? Because it was just absolutely unreasonable, this crazy woman. So you kind of vigilante-ed it a bit. I got on the third floor, ran downstairs because I was on the deck and I was listening to it. And started stroking your beard. Yeah. That's where the power is.

I think the spray and wash guy is judging us. Let's get out of here. That would be giving me some of his beard cocaine. Now, every parent who goes to that ballet school drives a Volvo, I've noticed. Or Humvee Mom. Oh, really? Yeah, the gold Humvee. Wow.

How many Humvees? Well, there's a few of them, but the gold one is the one I laugh at. Like it's gold paint? Yeah, gold paint. Oh, wow. I saw a great kind of instance of a parent that obviously had just, whatever, it was a long day, and it was a parent and their kid on the bus, and the kid was just having a fit and crying,

and the parent had just decided, was just shut down, had no capacity to deal with this screaming kid. But then a stranger, like an old dude across the aisle, just started talking to the kid in this very like he said what are you gonna do he's gonna keep crying for the whole bus ride and the kid i think was like what like the kids on the firing line and this old guy's like well what is you can you cry for another half hour how long can you keep crying for and the kid just zipped it up because the kid was so confused. And the parent was like, yes.

I've seen that before, yeah, where there's some weird old guy on a bus who's like the taskmaster. Yeah, yeah. Somebody was like, this is how it's going to be. I used to be a substitute teacher, but all the kids hated me, so I never got asked back. I'm taking it on you. Wow. Your mother had another one. Oh all right didn't she the second one's a little nicer a mom and about a three-year-old boy in the grocery store and she says to him you can pick out whatever is your favorite fruit he immediately points to this basket of strawberries and he said, I want those, Mom. Straw babies

are my favorite. We love the podcast. Keep up the good work. Thanks. Thanks, Mom. Oh, wow. She really knew how to construct a phone call. Yeah. Start with the funny and end with something that makes your heart melt. Yeah, exactly. Straw babies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start with It's Mom. Adorable 104. If you would like to call us with your overheard, it's 206-339-8328. That's 206-339- Teat. So, where do we go?

We're done. We can be done if you want to be done. There was one thing. You're like Columbo. Yes, I am. One more thing. A week ago there was, or two weeks ago, there was a thing where I said, I got a chance to use like an old-timey street joke in a real-life situation

where it was somebody was asking if somebody could give uh this gentleman's wife a ride home and he said can you take my wife and i jumped in and said please and thought it was very funny and nobody else around got it and so i asked if uh if anybody else out there had kind of like a real quick like a zinger that just came out of nowhere, or like a good application of a street joke. And we got a good entry on that. But I was wondering, do you have anything like that? Because you're an improv guy.

Have you ever had like something where the zinger has been so perfectly placed that you're like, it might as well be a street joke, how wonderful I just landed this? joke how wonderful I just landed this? Well, the one time that I was caught jaywalking and I got to the other... By a cop? By a cop or two policemen walked over

to me and was like, Hey, you know what you did was against the law? And I was like, Okay, if you need to give me a ticket, I'm sure. He's like, No, I'm not going to give you a ticket. You know why? You know what day it is?

It's Christmas. Is what I said to him. He's like, no, it's your birthday. It's fine. Okay. And then he walked away. That's about as close as that. Was it Christmas?

No. That would have been even better. You could probably commit any crime on Christmas. That's pretty good Was it Christmas? No That would have been even better You could probably commit any crime on Christmas Yeah, or your birthday No, I feel like cops No one expects you to commit a crime on Christmas If you commit murder on your birthday Is that time

Time off for good behavior? Do you get Lesser sentence because it was your birthday? I think maybe just your lawyers are free. Dennis chips in and pays for your lawyers. That's about it. Yeah. No, Dennis does some good work in the legal system.

Birthday legal aid. Do you have anything like that, Dave? No. Were you zinged somebody? I didn't have it two weeks ago. I don't have it today. Well, there's been two weeks between when this has

happened. I just assumed maybe you would have had a chance. Sometimes I use the street joke about... You know when your friend has a baby in the hospital and they think their baby's the cutest baby and they think their baby is so smart and then I always say, the cutest baby and they think their baby's so smart and

then i always say maybe your baby just got gas this is uh from kevin l and uh this uh he says i'm not really sure if this can be called the street joke but it came to mind when i heard episode number 78 it happened years ago when I was working at a video store. Classic scene for being burned. My friend's statement has been edited since you'll not be able to use it on the podcast if I use the original wording. Anyways, hope you like it. Friend, you know what I hate about homosexuals? Me.

The taste they leave in your mouth. Boom! That's a pretty good... Uh-huh. That's a zinger. Well done, Kevin. Thank you for writing in. I can only imagine the original wording and why are you friends with that guy?

Yeah, that's true. It's time to make some new friends, Kevin. You're obviously a cut above and this guy is somebody you need to shake with. You know what I hate about homosexuals. Clearly, if you're using that kind of language, you're too enlightened to actually hate homosexuals. That's true.

Yeah. So, yeah. So that was that. And if you have anything else where you were in a position to deliver like a real sweet zinger to somebody, even in kind of typical like street joke fashion, send it to us at stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com. And a way we've been wrapping up the podcast of late, it's my favorite thing, is One more thing. One more thing

is, do you have anything as a person that you're, you do This is as a person. As a person. Not as a whale, or as a performer. Or a public cleaning celebrity. Exactly. But do you have anything in your life that you know that you are too old for, but you still enjoy it immensely?

Wow. Last week, Erica Sigurdsson, our guest, right away, without hesitation, coloring. She still loves to color. If there's any opportunity for her to color, she jumps right in on it. My example, initially that got the ball rolling, was I realized upon retrospect that I was much too old to have enjoyed

The Lion King when I saw it. I was a teenager. I thought I was a little kid when I saw it. So anything in that realm where you know it's for kids, but you love it? I would venture to skateboarding, perhaps. You skateboard? I like to skateboard.

Okay, yeah. But still, in my neighborhood, not really. Yeah, do you have the iPhone app where you can skateboard with your fingers? No, but I do have the shotgun, which most do. So does Dave. Do you have the beer glass? I don't have the beer glass. I have the Zippo.

The Zippo's good. Beer glass is better. Yeah, the beer glass I think you have to skateboard. Do you have the Theramin though? No. The Theramin app is great. Really? Oh, wow. I didn't know there was a Theramin app. There's apps aplenty. Do you have it? Yeah. Go out and get an app everyone on us

send the bill here and then we'll see um are you gonna play the what do you mean guys wow analoggy do you know what's crazy? Is that that exists. That's not that crazy. I'm over it. Spooky. Probably not showing up on the mic.

No, but do you know, like, have you seen somebody play a theremin? Yes. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Like, it's more futuristic than a lot of the things that we have in the actual future yeah even a singing saw is more futuristic than say uh i don't know the bacon wave i'm confused all right well alistair thank you very much for coming in and being a guest on the podcast. So if people want to find the Vancouver International Improv Festival, it is vif.com, is that it? Vancouverimprovfest.com. It's not international.

I threw in international. Is it international? It's an international festival, but the website isn't that. Vancouverimprovfest.com. Vancouverimprovfest.com. Okay, all right. I thought there was an extra I in there. No, they charge by the letter. isn't that so Vancouver Improv Fest dot com Vancouver Improv Fest dot com okay alright I thought there was an extra I in there

no they're charged by the letter oh I understand and that runs the end of September through the beginning of October totally

we got groups from Berlin New York Toronto Atlanta people coming up from Atlanta Chicago some really great groups and this isn't the type of festival this is not going to be a ticket at the door Atlanta people coming up from Atlanta Chicago

some really great groups and this isn't the type of festival it's not going to be a ticket at the door kind of affair is it? sure yeah but passes are on sale right now for only $40 and there's like 25 shows and it's a great deal and it's a pretty outstanding lineup

I remember last year we had on a couple guests that were in town for the Improv Festival. And it's quite a huge lineup. And you're right in the middle of festival season here in Vancouver. And it's great. And it's all over the city. It's not just localized in one area.

We actually make it easier for you so you don't have to go all over the city. We localized it in one area. Oh, you did localize it. Oh, wonderful. So is it all Granville Island or no? It's at the Roundhouse Performance Center. Roundhouse Performance Center. Nail town.

Yeah, fantastic. And really, some excellent top-of-the-line acts. I've gone every year and I've always enjoyed it. Yes. For 10 years? Oh, maybe not. Maybe the last two years. I've gone every year for the last two years.

That's because, David, you, when you were in high school, were an amazing improviser. I wouldn't say I was amazing. He had a lot of promise, did he not? A lot of promise. That kid's got moxie. And then I directed it towards podcasting, which at the time was unheard of, literally. But yeah, so check that out. It's a wonderful event and kind of a premier festival here in Vancouver, I would say.

Ten years. Ten years. I can't believe it. I cannot believe it's been ten years. It feels to me like, but I haven't lived here that long. So, you know. Dave, do you have anything to plug? We should plug...

Okay, you don't have anything to plug. You're appearing at the Vancouver Comedy Festival. I'll be appearing on the 25th of September. I'm on a show with Line Up Subject to Change. I'm on a show with Lineup Subject to Change.

I'm on a show with Alicia Tobin, Phil Hanley, Kelly Dixon, John Doerr, Maria Bamford. That is quite a show. At the media club. I am not on that show. But we, the 26th, we don't have all the information, but listen next week. We will have more information for you. On the 26th, I believe, we'll be recording a live podcast in the early afternoon. Yeah, with guests unknown.

We don't know. But it's a Saturday. It'll be a Saturday afternoon, early in the afternoon, 1 o'clock-ish. Yeah. We hope. It will be, yeah. I believe we will be right before the Never Not Funny live show in Vancouver at the Westin. Listen next week and check the blog.

We'll have more updates. And we also have a new arrival in that we have a website. It's the framework of, and it's stoppodcastingyourself.com. It has links to the blog. It has links to where you can download all the podcasts. Not a ton of links just yet, but we're working on it. And again, if you want to contact us, it's Stop Podcasting Yourself at gmail.com or 206-339-8328. And if you also want to help us with the website, we would love that.

Yeah, if you're apt or have apps that you want to share. Sure, yeah. You can play with theremin. And join us here next week for another thrilling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thank you.