Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 806 - Caitlin Howden

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

Comedian Caitlin Howden returns to talk improv gone bad, Arby’s, and smoky skies.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 806 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me, as always, is a man who makes a big deal out of Michael Jordan's big, big pants, Mr. Dave Shumka. Was I making a big deal of it? I guess it's on my screen right now. We'll just keep that up there.

Yeah, he's got big pants, but you know what do you think he's hiding something no because he famously wore shorts for much of his life yeah that's true but maybe his legs got gross late in life something like that you think he's late in life isn't he how old is he i'd say michael jordan is in his wait how long how many years ago was the 60s uh he yeah he would be he'd be in his 70s the 60s if he was born in the mid 60s he would be so like between the 60s and 2000 like if you were born in the 60s and 2000s, like, I was 20 in 2000, so 20-year previous would be 40. Yeah, if he was born in 1960. Okay, so he would be 37.

But then 30 years have not happened since 2000. So he's 67. He's probably 60. I bet he's 59. 59? I don't know. I don't know, man. We'll get to the bottom of this.

Hey, Siri. Monfrere. How old is Michael Jordan? I found this on the web. Just give me the number. You turd. Okay, here we go. Michael Jordan.

What? Oh, no. This isn't. No, this is my previous search. And this is good. This is good audio. This is interesting stuff. It's. And this is good. This is good audio. This is interesting stuff. It's how the sausage is made.

People like to look behind the scenes. How old did I say he was? 60 something. I said 59. Is he 59? He's 60. Okay. All right.

Our guest today, somebody who is nowhere near 60, I would say. One of the best comedians in town. She's part of the Sunday service that performs every Sunday night here in Vancouver at the Fox Cabaret. It's Caitlin Howden! That means that he was born in 1963. Yes. Yes. Do you know his birthday? Does anyone know his birthday?

Well, I'm hoping it's already happened. Otherwise, he is not then he's born in 1964. I think he's a cancer. That's my guess is he's a cancer. He gives real Leo energy as well. What I can tell you is I've known his birthday for most of my life because he had the same birthday as two of my high school classmates, Marlon Hickey and Leanne Dolan. And shout out.

August 16th. Hickey and Dolan. August 16th? No, not even close. February 17th. Exactly. And that's the opposite. Did you know that August 16th is the opposite of February 7th? Huh. 17th exactly and that's the opposite did you know that august 16th

is the opposite of february 7th huh 17th exactly perfect well should we get to know us yeah get to know us caitlin it's been too long it has been i think i haven't well i haven't seen you since last year yeah and like that's not last year... That's not on my... I want to see you every week. I want to see you 52 times a year if I can. That's very nice. I feel badly that we haven't seen each other enough. Yeah, we should do this.

We run in different circles. Wait, how did you see each other last year? Didn't we? Yeah, in a park, perhaps. Yeah, okay. In a social setting. Someone's birthday. Or funeral? Was it somebody's... No, it somebody's no no i remember being happy but then again i'm a you're the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral

yeah yeah um when that song when he's the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral we're talking about one week by the bare naked ladies uh is he laughing because he just can't help it or is he like like as a mean guy no he just loves life man yeah this is just part of it bro i love life you know speaking of the bare naked ladies i think they should do an updated version of if i had a million dollars i had a billion dollars or just like more like if i had a million what could i buy i could oh yeah that'd be fun i could buy a car yeah a condo definitely but not a three bedroom condo that's weird and impossible um for a million no in this city no uh the uh i did when i was working at cbc music i did a uh like 20 years later uh accounting of what the things in that song would cost. Back then.

No, today. Today. With inflation. Yeah, could you still buy a house and a Reliant automobile? A K-Car. A Reliant automobile meaning American. But where are they from?

No, it was a Chrysler K-Car Reliant. It was like a, it wasn't Reliant, it's not Reliable. Nice Reliable automobile was reliable no that's how i remember it nice reliable but a k-car i believe in a k-car and chrysler k-car and a dodger reliant were the same platform i don't know the way it's reliable yeah there we go that's how i remember it where were they were they from, the Baronek?

Scarborough. So Scarborough, you could probably still buy a house for under a million dollars, would be my guess. I doubt it. I think you got to go out east. Like, way east? I think you got to go to, like, Truro. Oh, okay. You know what I mean?

Like, you got to go that away. The shipping news. Right, right. Yeah, English patient. No, not English patient. I was thinking. I assume the English patient happened in New Brunswick. Yeah, yeah. Must have been made there, right. No, not English patient. I assume the English patient happened in New Brunswick. It must have been made there, right?

To be that grim? You know that song that's like, Daddy, Daddy cool. Daddy, Daddy cool. I've been singing that by the writer of the shipping news. Annie, Annie Proulx. Nice. I don't know this song personally, but it fits nicely. singing that about the writer of the shipping news Annie Annie Pruel

nice I don't know this song personally but it fits fits nicely and that is her name yes that's good

yeah it's got a silent X in it in the weirdest place have you guys have you seen that movie the shipping news oh by I have not seen

the movie I don't think I'm old enough to watch it yeah I think I have to yeah to watch it. Yeah. You'll get there. I think I have to, yeah,

fingers crossed, you know. Yeah. They show it to you if you laugh at a funeral. Oh, yeah. This guy's too happy. This is a test.

Yeah. Well, you've hit your shipping news era. Time to sit down and really appreciate this one. It's a very sad movie, I think. Yes.

Bleak. And it was, it stars Kevin Spacey. Yeah. Which is good. A good moniker of good luck yeah and well graham and i are doing a bonus episode where we watch every kevin spacey movie it's uh we're doing a bonus series called the uncancellables well you do like a top 10 at the end you're you're you're like and rate it down to number one ke Kevin Spacey. I mean, I really liked him when I was a young man.

Yeah, especially when he went through that transformation in American Beauty where he was lifting weights and stuff. I was like, yeah. Yeah, he made his garage usable. Yeah. Yes. He jacked off in the shower and he's like, this will be the highlight of my day.

And I was like, yeah, so. Sounds like a pretty good day. So, fine. Cool, nice shower. No one's going to stop you from checking off later. Wow, so that shower's not in the tub? That's nice. Not a separate shower from tub situation here.

And he'll masturbate in both. That's the great thing about it. He's diverse. The character one. Yeah, well. Well. Yeah. And he was scary.

He was scary in Seven. He was scary in Seven. Ooh, that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Did we ever figure out what was in the box? It was the threeest thing in seven. Oh, that movie. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Did we ever figure out what was in the box?

It was two tickets to Streisand. Live at concert. Actually, I heard it was a mirror and that was the scariest thing

in the world because he had become a real jerk. Yeah. Yeah. It was a mirror and then lipstick I wrote. It's a doofus. Yeah. Yeah. It was a mirror and then lipstick I wrote. It's a doofus.

You. And inside was a note, but it was written backwards. So you can only read the note if you held it up to the mirror. My mom used to leave me notes like that in my lunchbox. Notes written backwards. Because you would eat your lunch in the bathroom. No, you know what's funny? I didn't even think of using the bathroom mirror.

So I'd get the note at lunch and be like, oh, I've got to read this one when I get home. And then I would put it in my knapsack. And when I got home, I'd find the mirror in the hallway and I'd read it and go, have a nice day. Oh, that's nice.

But how would she, because I feel like I could read it backwards, no problem, but writing it backwards. Yeah, writing backwards. Okay, I was eight. I was young. Yeah. Backwards to me was magic. But like now as an adult, your mother was an adult? it backwards no problem but writing it back writing back okay i was eight i was young yeah

backwards to me was magic but like now as an adult your mother was an adult now yes yeah oh she was she is now she's a teen mom she's on mtv's teen mom yeah it wasn't there around you because i couldn't i can't imagine how you would write it backwards well i'm sure either i'm sure i've said this before but i used to work at jack asters where you had to write your name backwards and upside down for the table oh i saw someone do some what must have been upside down graffiti where uh at the uh nearby oh yeah i saw that which means they have to hang over the building's edge right yeah did you see it was a caterpillar no i was just trying to support you that was just my improv training oh it was just yes anding. Oh, my God.

That's so good. Yeah. It feels nice, doesn't it? Yeah. I mean, until I realize it's a lie. Don't worry. I'm lying to myself, too. Caitlin, what the hell's been going on for this past year, at least?

It's such a weird thing to be like, how's your year been? You're like, well, great. Things are pretty quiet right now. Yeah. Gotta say, the strike is quiet. yeah how's that that's affecting up here now up here yeah and union actors have been locked out of uh work commercial work here in canada for over a year oh shit so it's been pretty pretty touching though the last time i worked i forced i feel like i kind of like i really forced my way into a movie.

Oh yeah? Can you do that? How do you do that? Well it was a sequel to a movie I was in the first one and I emailed the writer director saying you know what is a really good idea. If there was some sort of Easter egg of my character in the second

and the person being Josh Duhamel by the way. Whoa! You being Josh Duhamel, by the way, Whoa! You have Josh Duhamel's contact? No, this was done through an agent. Through an agent, okay.

You wrote a movie? He wrote a movie called Buddy Games. Josh Duhamel, the writer? Yes, the writer and actor and director, Dave.

Triple threat. Wow. And there was the Buddy Games. I'd like to win a date with that guy. Oh, God. Wow. I bet you that guy could really lift you up. Like physically. Yes. You know? God win a date with that guy. Oh, God. What? Wow. I bet you that guy could really lift you up.

Like physically. Yes. No? God, that's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone just lifts you? Who's the guy that I'm confusing Josh Hamal with? Oh, okay.

Don't give us any clues. Who? Okay. It's Caleb's friend. It's Caleb's friend. No, no. We're not friends. We had worked on a movie and I was desperate for work.

And I told them, I think it would be a good idea if I came back. And they said, no. And I said, but what if it would be fun? Yeah. And they said, work. And I told them, I think it'd be a good idea if I came back. And they said, no. And I said, but what if it would be fun? Yeah. And they said, no. And I said, but I could be anyone. Oh, okay. And they said, fine.

You can be a character named Head Wound. And they just put an axe in my head. Can I speak to Head Wound right now? Yeah. Sure. Hi. Hi, Head Wound. Hi. How'd head wound. Hi.

How's your, what, how'd you get that ax in there? What ax? Oh, boy. Wow. Cut the part of the brain that knows it has an ax in it. Yeah. So the theory is that my character in the first movie went off, got a head wound, and was just at a music festival.

Nice. And I took it. But other than that, yeah, it's been quiet. Who are you mixing up Josh Duhamel with? Hmm. Another very handsome act. Yeah. Not John Krasinski.

No. Not John Krasinski. Maybe you're mixing him up with old Josh Duhamel. Yeah. Because he used to look much better. Oh, does he not look good?

Oh, you know, I know you're mixing him up with Timothy Oliphant. Oliphant. Thank you. Really? Yeah. From Deadwood?

Yeah. Just because they're just two very similar shaped handsome Really? Yeah. From Deadwood? Yeah. Just because they're just two very similar shaped handsome faces. Yeah. Like if I saw him from Deadwood where he had the mustache and stuff, then I would be like, I don't know who's who. But if Timothy Oliphant was in Life As We Know It, the movie starring Josh Duhamel, then would you understand?

We've taken that walk too far. What was this movie? I want to know what it was. It's a movie where I've only seen the poster, but Josh Duhamel's holding a baby with a diaper. Diaperless? It's Josh Duhamel and Katherine Heigl. Both of their best friends die.

Oh, that's the dream. I mean, Graham, I hope you live a long life no but it would be and it'd be more like dave if you and abby i'm no i can't say it um but then the best friends had a baby and they left the baby to their two best friends to raise together what do we're just and uh katherine heigl yeah a couple no they hated each other. Oh, yeah. They were like oil and water. And did neither of them even understand

for a second how to raise a baby? They didn't even know how to hold a baby, okay? Let alone how to raise a baby. And this is like a baby. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a fresh baby. How did the parents die? Childbirth? Childbirth's the worst thing you've tried. I don't remember. I want to say car accident

and I think they showed it too in the movie same thing happens in Megan oh yeah inciting incident of Megan

yeah is a car accident also meet Joe Black big car accident Brad Pitt gets oh sure

and also the lookout have you seen the lookout with Joseph Gordon Levitt oh it's a great

piece of screenwriting did he write it no. Oh, it's a great piece of screenwriting. Did he write it? No, but it is. He's a guy who loses his ability to sequence things in this car accident. Did Gordon Joseph Levitt, did he direct it? No. He's just in it.

He's just in it. Jeff Daniels is in it, too. Oh, Dumb and Dumber. He's blind. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'm going to be getting a couple of movies mixed up. Check out The Lookout. He's just in it. Jeff Daniels is in it, too. Oh, Dumb and Dumber. He's blind. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'm going to be getting a couple of movies mixed up. Check out The Lookout. It's really good.

It's really good? Yeah, yeah. It's like a low-budget indie kind of heist movie. Oh, heist movie. I like that. We love that. I was watching live with Kelly and Mark this morning. So Ryan's just on Wheel of Fortune now.

I don't know. Has he started? Has he started on Wheel of Fortune? I don't know if he has, but he's gone. Mark is on the mugs. Mark is... It says Live with Kelly and Mark. Mark is...

You know him from Riverdale. He's Mark Consuelos. He is Mr. Kelly Ripa. Is he really? Yes. So that's justuelos. He is Mr. Kelly Ripa. Is he really? Yeah. Yes. So that's just husband and wife show? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. He used to be a guest host sometimes because Ryan was so busy. Yeah. Yeah. But the way that Joy would, or Regis would bring on Joy. Bring on Joy. Yeah.

And you got a taste every time that she came on, like, this is what it'd be like if Kathy Lee leaves the show. And Regis went, I won't have it. I i can't do it i need separation of church today joy i love you i can't have you ever seen the interview between uh larry king and regis philbin it's great the two crotchetest funniest talking guys I haven't seen it did you ever see the one where Regis Philbin dresses up as Shrek

because he thinks it's funny yes or no because someone told him it'd be really funny if he went on

David Letterman dressed as Shrek and he's so mad he's so he goes this is so stupid and he's in full green they used to do

great Halloween live with Kelly and Regis they still do but now it's kelly and mark and it's all snm yeah oh yeah it's a lot of bondage stuff it's really behind the curtains i'm not interested in yeah i don't want to see them dress up for halloween no well i just like the fact that kelly is you know stuck with some old man or mich Strahan. Yeah, for a short while. Yeah, I like that they have to dress up together.

But the fact that it's Kelly and her husband, it's just like you don't need cameras here. Just dress up. Yeah. And I say keep those kids away from the show. If I start seeing one of those boys as a co-host, I'm going to be really upset. Waheen?

Waheen, Michael, Lola. I know all the kids. And I haven't even read her book. You haven't? No. You must. I've got to. Little Miss Firecracker or something like that?

No. Live Spark. Live Spark. The Kelly Ripa story. Has she been on the show? On our show? No. You've got to get her.

We've got to call in to their agent, right? Well, No. You've got to get her. But we've got to call into their agent, right? Well, no, we call, we've got to call into Colin on their trivia. And then, yeah, just line in there. Super duper travel trivia. And also, would you please be a guest? Earlier this week, we had Melissa McCarthy on the show, and she told us

that she has this many dogs. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Just take a guess. Just any guess. Five seconds. Five seconds. Just a oh, oh. Just take a guess. Just any guess. Five seconds. Five seconds. Just a guess. At this point, a guess. One.

America. I'm sorry. Did you say America? You were going to ask something, Graham, about Kelly. Has she been a host as long or longer than Regis was a host?

Well, she replaced Kathy Lee. So she was on, she worked with Regis for a long time. replaced Kathy Lee. So she was on. She worked with Regis. Rest in peace. Yeah. For years. For years. Yeah.

Then they worked so hard to try and find her a replacement. Oh, yeah. Then they got Michael Strahan. Not good. He's now at GMA. I have somewhere a live with Kelly and Michael shirt. Yeah. I went to see Kelly and Ryan live in New York.

Oh yeah. And there was a, uh, they had a plaque of Regis's face, like a, uh, whatever they call it. Death mask outside.

He was still alive at the time. Yeah. Like we got this done earlier. You could go do like a Tracy or an etching or whatever, or rubbing of it. You had to bring your own charcoal and paper. Yeah. But yeah,

that, but no, I don't know. I don't think she did, has done the show as long as Regis did the show. Okay. And certainly not as long as Regis did broadcasting. You know,

he was on the old Joey Bishop show. He was. Yeah. Was he Joey's sidekick? I don't know. He brings it up every five seconds. Joey was in the Rat Pack, you know. He doesn't bring it up anymore five seconds Joey was in the rat pack You know

He doesn't bring it up Anymore Yeah No that's on his tombstone Is Joy alive? Joy's alive? I'm sure How do you

You don't know I'm sure she must be You thought Michael Jordan Was 70 I think I'd know If Joy was dead Yeah you would've heard Yeah

You know JJ Their daughter Is married to Michael Schur Oh Who created The Mindy Project dead. Yeah, you would have heard. You know, JJ, their daughter is married to Michael Schur. Who created Happy Place, Mindy Kaling, Parks and Rec. My friend

just died. He was in a plane crash in Russia. Oh, Yeah. Dave, I didn't. How do you say his last name? I was not on the last name basis.

Oh, it's D-I-C. Okay. Do you remember how to pronounce his first name? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I had a nickname for him. Yeah.

Big A. Big P. Big P. Because his last name started with a P for sure. This is like you're the day of for him. Yeah, nickname. Big A. Big P. Big P, because it's less than part of the P for sure. This is like your The Day of the Music. Yeah, but we had some plans. We were going to march on Moscow together. Oh.

And then, but I'm sure I'm fine. I'm sure nothing will happen to me. No, yeah, you're fine. That was their one shot, was getting him on the plane. I think they cleaned up everything they needed to clean up with all those people in the plane. Yeah. And by they, I mean, whatever took that plane up and down and up and down and up and then down, as they say. Yeah, that pilot sucked.

Yeah. Bad pilot. Looks like they were having a hard time before they crashed is literally what they said. It looks like the plane was struggling before it crashed okay i liked uh joe biden coming out of the gym and being like hey i just worked for an hour and a half i don't know what's going on but i wouldn't put it past him yeah he's a bad what did he call him i don't know bad dude it's a bad mama jama um okay enough about the news. Get back to Kelly Strahan. Get back to you, whatever we're talking about.

Tell us something that's gone on in the last year that's been fun or exciting or different or not at all. Nothing. What's been different? Yeah, fun or different or not at all. Hey, well, I've got the perfect story. Yes. Yes. This one's not at all, hey? Well, I've got the perfect story. Yes. Yes. This one's not at all.

Not at all. No, I'm doing a lot of, like I said, things are on strike. So I'm doing actually a lot of corporate gigs right now. Yeah, you're a very corporate person. Yeah, kind of like corporate improv, kind of. Now, do you, because like in corporate stand-up, I know the thing to do is to get like info beforehand. Yes. They love it if you make fun of the boss. They love it. He's always late or something like that. stand up I know the thing to do is to get like info beforehand yes

they love it if you make fun of the boss they love it he's always late or something like that well we I had one gig where it was up in

Harrison Hot Springs which is about a two and a half hour drive from Vancouver and it was a youth weekend camp nice so we were supposed to

go and do a workshop with like 80 teens and then we were going to do a show for them nice and so four of us go up on the gig. It's a two-hour drive.

It's very fun. We get up there, and what I don't realize is that it is actually a, it is a very orthodox Jewish. Ah, okay. And that was lacking in the information, in the setup, and we didn't know that.

So that changes a few pork-based improv games I had. Okay, that was my question. Yeah, pig in the middle. How does it change? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wiggly, wiggly, piggy pile.

Well, we ended the show, we ended the set for these teens with a game called Pillars where we bring two people up on stage and they finish our sentences for us.

Okay. So we had this one kid come up on stage and he was my pillar. So whenever I tapped him on the shoulder, he had to finish my sentence.

So we're doing this scene and I say to my scene partner oh my god i have news to tell you i'm and i tap on the pillar's arm and he says pregnant i go yes that's right i'm pregnant but it's not a regular pregnancy because you know trying to make it a little bit not so just me being pregnant yeah i tap him on the shoulder. He goes, you're going to have 10 babies. And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. I'm going to have 10 babies. And my scene partner says, well, by the way, this is so fun. Yeah, this is great.

And then my scene partner says, what will you call them? And I go to my pillar and I tap his shoulder and he says, Rotem. And everyone laughs in the audience, right? Ah, that's so funny, Rotem. And everyone laughs in the audience, right? Ah, that's so funny. Rotem. And I'm thinking in my mind, I've missed something.

Like, I don't get the joke, right? So I say that my babies will be named Rotem. And I'm like, I don't. All 10 of them? All 10 of them. Exactly. And I don't. But they're laughing.

And I'm like, did I do something wrong? And oh, well, scene must go on, as they say in the arts. Yes. So my scene partner says, they'll all be named Rotem. The crowd laughs again. Ha ha ha. How will you tell them apart? And I say, that's easy.

I'll write a number on them. Okay. Oh, you didn't, did you? You said that? And then I pointed to my hand. No. Caitlin, no. Oh, my God.

And it took me a minute to realize what I had done. And it's in that minute that then they start laughing at me. Oh, how they're now pointing and laughing at me. Ha ha. Look what you did. Oh, they think it's funny. Oh, they're having a good laugh. And I could feel the blood just draining out of my face.

Oh, yeah. And into your ass. And into my ass. And it came out my butt. Yeah. And then we had to drive two hours back in this car where I just had to be so, every once in a while it would be quiet and I would just go, I'll write a number.

But at least they laughed. Yeah. Well, yeah, because they realized that I did not know what I had said. But did you ever figure out what was so funny about Rotem yeah what's Rotem

no idea huh no idea I think they just went ha ha I don't know but in that moment it got me

yeah does Rotem work here yeah and like is Rotem one of their friends that everyone's like oh Rotem

who's so funny he's as funny as 10 babies I did stop the show though I went no no no no laughing that is what I said I did stop the show, though. I went, no, no, no, no, no laughing. That is what I said.

I did not mean that. I did not stop. Everyone stop. Stop, stop, stop. I think I should leave and I left the stage. How would you tell them apart? What else would you say?

Did you go over your mind? What I should have said. What I should have said was, I'll learn their personalities. Oh, yeah. Or put a little bit of nail polish on each one. Well, that's what I meant to say. I was going to write their name on their shirt.

Again, that... But their name's Rotem. Oh, Rotem. All of them are Rotem. Yeah. Anyways. Easy to call them for dinner, though. One name gets it all.

Everybody comes back. And we're serving Rotel. What does Rotel make? Rotel. Huh. That's all I could think of ever since you said Rotem. Is it like spaghetti sauce? yeah, yeah, Rotel spaghetti sauce

that sounds right I did a corporate once where they told me tomatoes they told me I can't remember if it was something about the boss always does this or always does that like let's say he always drinks 10 cups of coffee a day and the speaker that went up before me that was their big joke

and i was like that's the one thing they told me about this guy i had like a whole bit based around it and everybody laughed at him and i was like i i can't what the fuck man so did you could you do it again then no no no and i just fl I flailed. Who went up before you? Just like somebody from the company. Like, hey, we've had a pretty good year. And, you know, it's, you know, Brian here, you know, he's drinking 10 cups of coffee. Ah! They go dancing!

This guy's telling the truth. Woo! It would be great if you went to a gig and said hey what's uh some facts about your boss well he's really mean uh he never gives us time off uh we have to pee in a bottle he was acquitted yeah he killed my wife uh he was acquitted but he was found um uh um responsible in uh court uh for his death wrongful death wrongful death yeah not arrested death, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not arrested. Yeah. Like O.J. Simpson.

Yeah. He's got O.J. Simpson disease. Do you do a lot of corporate events? Not anymore, but I used to do. I'm just very bad at them. Like, I don't know what a group of coworkers want out of an evening. Yeah. But I think they want somebody that's like looks like them somehow like i did one for like retired cbc engineers and i was like wow this

is my crap they just like they loved it so did you stop saying yes or did people stop asking stop saying yes to gigs no no but they got don't think Graham stopped saying yes to gigs. No. No, but they got the vibe when you would show up and go. What's the last gig you turned down? Yeah. Last gig I turned down, I think it was to go to, but it got canceled. It was to like to go to somewhere in Ontario.

Was that Oshawa or something like that? There was a little comedy festival happening there. But it was just as people were starting to talk about COVID stuff. Oh, sure. Turning it down. And it turns out I was right. Oh, I'm sure it got canceled. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it didn't. Maybe it was the last. We got to do this festival, guys. People need it. The people of Oshawa need to laugh. You know, Phil Hanley's from there. That's right there that's right yeah oh yeah Oshawa's favorite son Oshawa uh don't know anything about

it no I know it's the what is the name of the has the slogan the town that motivates you oh yeah well that's Phil that's Phil's joke yeah motivate somebody. It feels like it's a steel town. Yeah. I think there was a, like, a car plant. Yes. Oh, yeah, okay. I feel like there's a famous actress from there. Oh, Shalom Harlow.

Okay. Oh. Model. Yeah, famous model. Model actress. Okay. I'm sure she is. What is the, because, like, what is the worst intro you've ever had during a corporate?

Like where they just completely botched the intro and then you're like, okay, I'm already, I'm in a ditch already. Gotta dig my way out. You ever had something like that? Yeah. I mean, people do everything from like, surprise. I know you guys thought we were going to just get drinks, but instead we're doing an improv workshop. Workshop. Yeah. That's why that was a fun one where they're like now no one knows that you're coming and we're gonna surprise them

with a two hour long improv workshop they think they're gonna drink wine and paint a pot they think there's a free charcuterie board and a wine tasting but it's not it's improv uh and then we've also had people just scold people being like everyone seriously shut up really you guys everybody i know you don't get time to enjoy each other's company at work uh and this is your only chance to do it but shut up yeah you guys can talk to each other i don't know tomorrow is a full day so not tomorrow yeah exactly everybody not tomorrow anybody who's late docked hey so don't drink too much don't drink too much we're closing the bar now we're

gonna close the bar during their set but you must stay but you have to stay and also we're closing the bar it's the last call at the bar so either go now there's a massive lineup yeah or you can watch this but the doors will be locked from the end And tomorrow you will be quizzed on the improv. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to affect your RRSPs if you watch this improv set. Yeah, and they're all in their 40s, so they're not going to move much. The improvisers? Yeah, the improvisers.

You're going to have to really listen to what they're saying because it's actually pretty clever. Yeah? It's not a lot of physical story, but it witty yeah yeah yeah yeah i had a gig once that landed in my lap at the last minute somebody called and said like can you get over to victoria by 7 p.m and i could get on the ferry last one they could get me over there and i showed up at the gig and the guy was like panicked he was like oh my god okay you. I forgot I told you to come here. And he was, like, just, like, so shaky. And he said, so what do you do? And I was like, I'm a stand-up comedian.

And the guy's like, okay, what is that? What do you do? Oh, no. And I was like, you know, jokes and stories. And he said, ah, you know, ah, last year, because their act got stopped at the border. So that's the act they had hired. I was the last minute fill in.

And the act from the year before was a ventriloquist and they said the company loved him. So not only am I going up there, but I'm going up

replacing their beloved ventriloquist. Do you have a puppet? Could you make one out of a sock? You don't have to, don't even move it. You don't have to. Don't even move it. You don't have to move it.

If you could just put your hand in a sock, we'd feel better. Yeah. And it's very horny. Make it a very horny guy. Yeah. Can the sock be watching you while you're also doing your stand up? No, I mean, turn your hand to you so it's the audience member laughing. Yeah.

Have a go, ha, ha, ha. But don't move your lips to yeah yeah i would love to have somebody come in and do ventriloquist workshop yeah that'd be fun that's pretty maybe for the podcasting yourself christmas party yeah yeah yeah that'd be fun hey just someone a roving magician and then a ventriloquist after dessert. Why a roving magician? I don't know. Something to have during the party. Oh, yeah. Have you ever had a roving magician?

No. So I went to, it was a work party, and I don't know if he was hired for the work party. But it was a, we were at a restaurant in Yaletown. And they, I was like 20 at the time and they had uh you know it was just like open bar and a meal and hang out with the people you work with and but then this magician comes to the table and he's like doing whatever and he gives me a ball and he's like squeeze this ball squeeze it and he's he's holding my wrist while he squeezes it. While I'm squeezing, he's like, squeeze it even harder.

Come on. And then, and then now open your hand. Oh, the ball's still there. That's weird. But I do have your wrist watch. Oh, nice. And so I knew then that anytime a magician grabs your wrist, it has to be with a strap and not a bracelet. And then later, like two years later,

I was in the same restaurant and the same magician was there doing the exact same trick to someone. And I was like, does he work? Was he hired by my company or does he work at this restaurant? Yes, he's just the roving magician at the restaurant. Wow. So some people have valet,

some people have magic. Wow. So some people have valet. Some people have magic. Yeah. Wow. And don't you wish he had picked you the second time? So you could have been like, let go of my watch. Yeah. I've got your ball and my watch. Fuck you.

Yeah. I keep it. But you also know that both of his hands are on your wrist trying to get your watch off. You've got a free hand. You can take his wallet. Yeah, that would be fun. Undo his wallet. Yeah, that would be fun. Or undo his pants. Yeah, that would be fun.

Just undo his pants. Did I tell you guys about this time? What if it was a button fly? Oh, then you're going to have to use your keys. You're going to shake it. Shake it too hard. You're going to have to find a little snap. Did I ever tell you that I went through airport security?

And he had to take off your belt. Yeah. And so I took off my belt. And know he had to take off your belt yeah and so I took off my belt and then I proceeded to take my pants off how far did you get like enough that

I noticed I had started taking off my pants was your butt out a top of it like the top of my underwear like you if you were standing

in front of me if there wasn't a belt with bins you would have seen my underwear. So this is just an automatic. You took off the belt. I whipped off the belt, wrapped it in a little thing, put it in the bin, did the top button of my jeans, did the zipper down, pulled my pants.

Oh, no. Because at home you have a walk-in closet that's like a security line. You put all your belt in a bin. Yeah, that's just how I get undressed. You get undressed and then you put your laptop there. You put all your belt in a bin. Yeah, that's just how I get undressed. You get undressed and then you put your laptop there. You put all your liquids aside. Yeah, I smile. I smile and nod.

I wait my turn. Yeah, yeah. I remember going through, it was in the States, because in the States they really don't get you to weigh in on it at all. They're going to tell you where to go and what to do. They told me to take my belt off. And then I went in the thing that takes the pictures of your inside. Yeah.

My pants were falling down and all the security guys were laughing. Look at this guy. His pants are falling down. Don't they feel mean? They're always in clumps of three or four. No, they were having it. Yeah. They're telling that story to this day.

I mean, that work party, that Christmas. Because. Yeah, they're telling that story to this day. I mean, that work party, that Christmas. Because he was like, don't put your hand on him. You got to hold the hands over your head. Look, his pants are falling down. We're not going to need

entertainment at the work party this year. We'll just tell that story over and over. We have the pictures. You guys want to see? Yeah. Also, you can see

the shape and size of his wiener. Is that because his pants fell down? No, Doug. It's an x-ray. You don't get to see the skin color of it, but you know it's there. Wait, you're telling me that all these pictures have penises in them? Whoa.

Well, not the vagina one. Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Everyone is someone's son. No. No. That was said.

Someone said that in the Sunday service the other week. Well, you know, everyone's someone's son. And I stood there and it took me a moment to go, not me. Yeah. Wait, I'm not. That's a tricky sentence. Yeah. Yeah.

But everyone has a son. That's true. Everybody has a son that's true everybody has a son yeah yeah everybody everybody sees the no

everybody feels the son everybody feels the son yeah but is the one everybody is somebody's everything that's

no that's not true really everybody is somebody's everything yeah like that they belong somewhere where the person loves them yeah but that's not true there's a lot of people are nothing dave knock it off man some people don't even count yeah some people's parents died in a car accident very young and

all they are is josh duamel and k Heigl's maybe something, but not everything. No, because they still have to figure out who they are together. Yeah. So that baby's second. They get together though, right? Well, yeah. They don't have to though. What?

Get together? You can take care of a kid without getting together with Katherine Heigl. Well, what kind of jag would make the godparents two people that aren't even together and two people that don't have any kids. I mean, good on those parents for like writing a will in the month the baby's born. They really updated. And, you know, new parents have a lot on their plate. So that's a lot to ask for. But they also, the parents, the ghosts, angels, parents,

they knew that what these two people needed was a baby. Because they both needed to grow up. That's why they drove their car off a cliff. We'll teach them. Well, they knew that their baby needed someone to take care of them and they know that their best friends needed someone to be taken care of. And then their will, it said, and they will

follow love. So has Head Wounds come out yet? Yeah, Buddy Games 2, I'm pretty sure that came out on the Wrestling Mania Network or something. Oh, okay. And what is Buddy Games? That was the movie where I was head wound. But is it Dogs and Cats and such? Nope.

Nope. Okay. Is it wrestling? Nope. But it's starring some wrestlers. It's about a bunch of buddies who play games together and they're extreme games. Oh, okay. Yeah.

It's got Dax Shepard in it and Josh Duhamel and... This is a cast. Yeah. It's got Dax Shepard in it and Josh Duhamel and... This is a cast. Yeah. It's a cast. Caitlin Howden as Head Wound. And me as Head Wound.

But only in the sequel. In the first one, I'm Kitty. Kitty. And who's Kitty? She's a woman at the bar. Okay. But she was such a character that you're like,

hmm, I bet they'll bring Kitty back for part two. And they said yes. And I went, wait a minute. I have been asking more? It was quite shocking when they said, yeah, sure'll bring Kitty back for part two. And they said yes. And I went, wait a minute. I have been asking more? It was quite shocking when they said,

yeah, sure, actually, let's do it. I was like, oh, okay. All right, sure. Now, you're in season one of the Babysitter's Club TV show, not season two.

Let's, what happened there? The show was canceled, Dave. It doesn't matter. But there was a season two. It doesn't matter. Gone now, hey? Yeah.

I always pass by the house that we filmed that episode on. It's on the beach. So when I go out to take my dog for a walk on the beach, I pass that house and I go, oh, another life. Yeah. I was the mother to eight children. What are the Pikes? The Pikes.

Yeah, I was Mrs. Pike. Eight kids. You were amazing in the... How do you tell those eight kids apart? They're all red-headed. I'm not answering that. Yes, no, it's definitely been quiet, but that's okay, and we're... I was gonna say

no you were so good in the show New Eden which uh thanks Graham that was written by Kayla and Evany

Kayla Wright and Evany Rosen and my guess it was a blast to shoot it was a blast yeah do you know I went to Mexico with those two in January really

did they know that just the three of us no fun we rented a house no boys allowed no boys allowed boys on the side Boys on the side.

Boys on the side, yeah. Riding in cars with boys. Home drive. Home drive. Walking down a hill with women. It was just Kayla, myself, and Evany, and we rented a house in Puerto Vallarta. Nice. PVR.

That's what I used to call my TiVo. PVR? Actually, no. It's just PV. It's not PVR.. PVR? Actually, no, it's just PV. It's not PVR. PVR is the TV. Yeah, it's just PV. PV. That sounds like an ad for a sickness.

It's just PV. My doctor said it's just PV. Your doctor said it's just PV and you're fine with that? My doctor said it's not Cancun. It's just PV. But we had a wonderful time. We would walk to the beach and go to beach clubs. We were always the three of us who were like, hola, do you have three seats in the shade?

Como se dice shade? Yeah, we were so pale. And the three of us with our big hats and a lot of covered up clothing. Fun. Yeah, we were Fun. Yeah. We were invisible. Yeah. Did you wait in the pool wearing these big floppy clothes?

Oh, we were in the house we rented had its own pool. It was very nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. And it was one night that we were swimming in the pool and we had a few margaritas, if you will. Oh, I will. A few.

If you may. And I guess we were having a time. And because it was dark out, we didn't think about neighbors. Sure. Oh, no. And the next morning, we were having coffee by the pool. And we just kind of looked around and we went, there's windows everywhere, hey? We were completely naked, screaming into the moon, howlingling being these like crazy witches just being absolutely nuts singing crying weeping laughing not well and in the morning we're like oh god there's a full

condo right next door to us with like hundreds of units oh god oh and they've several of them have telescopes oh wow they've set up chairs. But it was wonderful. We had a great time. That's fun. Yeah, I love them very much. Yeah. They're my closest friends.

That show. What about us? What the hell? What about us? The show? No, what about us? Oh, what about you two? This is us.

Yeah, what about this is us? That's also cancelled. Was it? Thank God. Not cancelled. It ran its course. Well, is it on anymore? It's true. Every show. Seinfeld? Carrie Seinf It ran its course. Well, is it on anymore? It's true.

Every show. Seinfeld? Jerry Seinfeld on Larry King? Now when your show was canceled. Canceled. Yeah. That was a great. I love when Jerry Seinfeld just really gives it to him.

I love when he's a little bit human. A little bit. Yeah. I was going to say nothing. Anyways, cut this part out. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, a a couple things but one thing i wanted to bring up on my calendar behind us we we talked about this with stephan heck i have a vancouver canucks calendar and i get it every year um at pharma save uh what does it live well with pharmacy save it for our jingles episode, mister

Yeah But they do It used to be a $5 calendar Now I think it's $12 or something What the hell? I know, right? But it's got all the Canucks games on there But when Stefan Heck was on

We talked about all the players and their dogs And we mentioned This month there's goalie thatcher demko and his dog delilah adorable well the other day i was driving my car and who did i see walking his dog with his wife no thatcher demko and his very pregnant wife my wife i assume i don't know i didn't see wedding photos um and i was like huh that's dredger and delilah demko and i was like do i roll down my window and yell hello delilah or hey there i guess you didn't though did you no because it crossed my mind oh uh first of all this guy's enjoying time with his family yeah and second of all how what kind of obsessed psycho am i if i'm like

i know your dog's name dave did you recognize the dog or did you recognize him i recognized the dog first and i was like hey that looks like delilah demko wow and then i uh texted my brother and i texted my friend ben i texted them both and i said hey i saw that your demko and his dog in uh i didn't say that i told them the neighborhood they were in i'm not gonna dox them on the podcast yeah uh and they both wrote back, Delilah? They both were like, oh, yeah, from your show. She's famous. Well, because we talked about it on the show. Delilah.

Also, a lot of celebrities have famous dogs, right? Like Paris Hilton had a famous dog named Bambi, and Bambi went everywhere. Yep. Do the dogs ever go to the games? Yeah, they have had races. They've had dog races at the games. They get the players' dogs to ever go to the games? Yeah, they've had races. They've had dog races at the games. They get the players' dogs to race. On the ice?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In between periods. Not in the middle of the game. Oh, by the way. That's more like the buddy games, I'm thinking. Yeah. So, yeah, that was one thing that's going on. And the other thing is Abby was away.

I have taken too much vacation this year and so when it was time to to go visit abby's parents i was like can't do it can't yeah uh so i had a week by myself here uh-oh all along you know he had to throw a party to make up the money that he lost i thought i heard fireworks in the neighborhood and we're under a strict fire ban right now yes and of course um i had to uh you know not tell mom the babysitter was dead um and here's what i did you just just have a list of things i did uh i made it to do list and i'm like oh I can't really just go through this because it's like, go to the drugstore.

Sure. Yeah. Make pie crusts. Hmm. But one thing I did, and Graham knows this already. Yeah. I visited in Tawasin, British Columbia, the only one nearby.

My very first time ever, I went to Arby's. Yeah. Huge. Huge if true. There's only an Arby's in... There's only one Arby's in the greater Vancouver. Picture in your mind the last time you saw an Arby's. I don't think I've ever seen one in real life.

I just... It's like a protein I've created. I've just recreated a protein. I've ever seen one in real life. I just, it's like a protein I've created. I've just recreated a protein. I've never seen one. It is a, I used to see it in the mall. There used to be one in the food court 20 years ago. Oh, I've got so many mall memories. What's your top mall memory?

Oh, the time I went to the bay and a woman thought I worked there. And you ended up getting a job and becoming manager and shift leader. Yeah, shift leader. For sure. What's your favorite mall memory? When Moist played

at South Center Mall. Yeah. Did they play Push? Yes. But then people were getting too rowdy and the lead singer said if everybody doesn't

calm down we're leaving the stage and then everybody went way harder and then they left the stage but we got a couple cool songs before that happened

yeah man HMV must have been packed before and after yes silver by moist yeah what's your favorite

mall memory what's your favorite mall memory well I worked at I worked at the mall many a times I worked at many a times

Olive and Co which is an olive oil and vinegar store I worked at the Gap is this in Montreal yeah you worked at the Gap

yeah what was were you to tell people that they looked good in things or were you just the pants are over there

kind of well you know no I love taking people on a walk but I also was like you do your own shopping right and then I'll go looked good in things or were you just the pants are over there kind of well you know i know i love taking people on a web i also was like you do your own shopping right and then i'll go i'll be your runner you want different size i'll go get it real fast right i love that i loved a little go task someone saying can you get me this in a large i go yeah got it i'd run real fast i knew exactly where it was too i had a little map in my brain like you know when you create a protein in your brain you create a little protein in your brain i It's like when you create a protein in your brain. You create a little protein in your brain.

I don't know what you meant by that. Yeah, what does that mean? They say that every time you recall a memory, you're actually creating a protein and we are actually adjusting that memory. So it's always changing. So there is no real

memory anymore. We've been kind of coloring it and changing it. Oh. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Because the act of recalling a memory is an active thing and it creates, I guess, a stake in your brain.

And a dream is just a wish a heart makes. And so a protein is like, a memory is just a protein your brain makes. A protein is just a thing your muscle needs. Yeah. A memory is a a thing your muscle needs. Yeah. And memory is a muscle. If you don't use it, you lose it. Yeah, that's right.

That's why I spent so much time remembering. Every night I do a bunch of remember pushups. Remember, remember, remember, remember, remember. Do either of you guys at any point have a diary or something like that? I have had diarrhea. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's halfway there. Looking at the index.

Oh, yeah, diarrhea. Yeah, I got that. Yeah, yeah. I at the index. Oh yeah, I got that. Yeah, yeah. I keep a journal. Yeah? I write, yeah. When I was a teenager, the things I would write were a little bit more deep. Yeah.

Dramatic. Tremendous. Oh yeah. Tremendous. Very, very poetic. Sometimes it would rhyme. Oh really? Yeah.

Tormented rhymes. Yeah. Wow. Tormented, gormented. I actually bought the Scholastic Rhyming Dictionary to help with my poetry. Wow, before

RhymeZone.org existed? Well, yeah, it was at the Scholastic Book Fair. Nice, nice. And I got the Scholastic Rhyming Dictionary, which I still have. Yeah?

Oh, yeah, it comes in handy when rap battles was a thing. Remember when everyone had to stress out for a week and memorize

a really funny rap and also make like start from scratch make a huge paper mache costume yeah for five minutes of stage time and then for the next

ten years you'll remember a line from the rap and you'll be like I don't need this anymore get it out of here I party like I play to win with socialite shenanigans

what? stop it that's good who was that? it was me but who was the character? it was me but who was the hostess with the mostest i party like i played a win with socialite shenanigans that's it and then it stops here's a couple of proteins right there here's the one i remember when i was i played the scream

i was edvard munch the scream yes and the line remember is, Let me take you through a day in the life of The Scream. I wake up every morning at 3.15 because every single night I have a terrible dream. You remember that much? Holy shit. Wow. I only remember part of one lyric when I was Teen Wolf. Oh yeah, I remember that.

They said the girl that I love, her name is Boof. And when I travel around, I travel on the roof. If I had known you needed to borrow my dictionary, Graham, I would have sent it over. But you can't, there's no entry for Boof on the dictionary. Yeah, exactly. How do you rhyme with Boof? The dictionary is categorized by oof sounds. So you'd have to find oof and then you'd find that.

Yeah. Yeah. Aloof. I didn't win. Uncoof. I was against past guest Sarah Sloboda, and she was powder. Oh, yeah. High school monsters.

I believe you two closed the show that night. And she won by a landslide. Well, she looked great too. Who was the hostess with the mostest against? I don't know. Some nerd. Oh, okay. I don't know.

I don't remember. Yeah. It was at the Fox, that one. Do you remember your favorite one or was it the hostess with the mostest? I think that's the only one I remember. I remember another line from mine because I was against Bob Ross. So in the first rap, I talked all about myself. And then the second rap, I went in on him.

What's the expression? Down on him. Right? I went off on him. And I accused him of he paints nature scenes. And I accused him of only painting nature scenes because he wants to fuck nature. And the line I remember is, while you were crouching by a lake trying to bone a stone, I inspired the kid from Home Alone. Nice.

I can't remember anything else, but this is the thing that will just occur to me. Yeah. These random thoughts i remember i was king poseidon versus a bc fair yeah i remember that made a whole boat costume who did kevin lee kevin did yeah i saw that people want kevin back on the podcast i was on the some message boards that people are like where is kevin lee oh yeah and then someone said there might be beef between graham and kevin no beef No beef. No beef. No beef. Not like an Arby's sandwich.

Speaking of. Yes, nice. I didn't know what to get because it's not like a famous, there's not a place that has like a famous burger. No. No. It's lunch meats. Have you ever.

Shaved. Yeah. Shaved beef. And. They don't have, it's all beef or is it pork as well? No, it's all beef and then it pork as well no it's all beef and then there's like a chicken sandwich

okay maybe they have sliders or something do they have shaved turkey I don't know they maybe do on like a secondary menu but like the first six things

are all like different takes on beef beef okay so I was like I guess this is what I get I got number one on the menu

good it was a big beef sandwich was this roast beef or what is this just like is it gray what's the color of the it's brown it's brown okay it's been browned browned beef is shaved shaved off it's thin and then covered in and i'll say it cheese whiz oh that's it cheese whiz with beef on a roll what kind of roll uh arby's yeah arby's makes a hamburger a beautiful thing harvey's ah i think outside the butt i know you come from quebec and they have that h problem

arby's makes a burger if you want a burger tell my bell hey okay save it for the overheard but then i uh but they also have this stuff called horsey sauce which sounds very and it's not made of horsies i know it's made from it's glue it's actually quite glue like pretty gluey all in all glue um so. So it's a horseradish mayonnaise, basically. Okay. And I got to tell you, it rules. Oh, yeah? You take your sandwich, you dip it in it, every bite. Oh, it's transcendent.

I love a horseradish. That and a mayo on a roast beef sandwich? God, they should make a restaurant out of that. Yeah. And then. What type of roll would you put it on? Like a potato bun. Nice.

Yeah. A potato-y. A brioche. Yeah. Brioche is too soft, don't you think? With all that horse it on? Like a potato bun. Nice. Yeah. Potato-y. A brioche. Yeah. It was definitely. Brioche is too soft, don't you think? With all that borschty stuff?

Yeah. Too soft. But is it toasted at all? Is the bun toasted? No. Or is it just room temp? Of course it's room temp. Yeah. Everything's room temp.

Hell yeah. And then their only fries they seem to have curly. Yes. They do curly fries, of course. Probably the only fast food place to do so. Does anyone do curly fries that are just potato? Or are they always spicy?

Oh, just like a straight up like put ketchup on it it's just potato. You're just like, I just want the shape but none of the... I don't need the breading

and the spices and even the McCain's curly fries have a little bit of a seasoning to them. Is it just... Are they one and the same? Maybe if you curl them they stink yeah maybe the curling machine puts a little bit of yeah yeah that's rust yeah that's an old machine

your grandmother used to curl potatoes with that thing she used to curl her hair with that too she wasn't a real redhead but she was a beautiful woman god i miss her Yeah God I miss her She died in that plane in Russia She shouldn't have Said those things about Putin Nanny Pregozhin And then Based on Graham's

The only person I've ever heard Mention this Item they have at Arby's Graham An orange milkshake An orange milkshake Okay So they already You're already well in the brown

zone yeah is it like a creamsicle it is like a creamsicle but by the end of it it's like vanilla right okay but it's like i've never heard of that anywhere else i know and they had another Never heard of that anywhere else. I know. And they had another weird, like, like a different kind of milkshake on the on the online menu. I did some research. They didn't have the orange one on the online menu. And I was like, do I even go?

Yeah. It's kind of like an Orange Julius, I would imagine. No. Okay. Is it the consistency of like a McDonald's milkshake? No, it's better than that. Oh, it's better than that. Not as icy. Maybe. The McDonald's ones in the last, it's better than that. Oh, it's better than that. Okay, not as icy, maybe. The McDonald's ones in the last few years have gotten too thick.

Oh, yeah. Too syrupy, I find. They hurt my throat. Yeah, sure. I'll hurt your throat if you're not careful. Hi-ya. Okay, well. Yeah, that was going somewhere, and then I was glad I pulled out of that.

I mean, I mean. I just want to remember this other milkshake they had. Graham, but you have been there before. Not this one. As a youth. As a youth. Yeah. Tell me your memories.

Tell me more. I had a friend named Eric, and his parents were first, like, from the Ukraine, moved to Canada when they were very young, but still had very thick Ukrainian accents. And first of all, one thing is Eric and I one time found a porno magazine in his toolbox. In his dad's toolbox? His dad's toolbox. And it was all naked ladies with tools. Well, it was for the toolbox. And then we looked in the trunk of the car.

It was all ladies driving, naked ladies. It was golf bag. It was all golfing ladies. But yeah, that was a very first exposure to something like that. And then I was like, well, I guess that's what ladies do when they get tools. I mean, that's what they did in Puerto Vallarta, naked. Yeah. Just screaming at the moon.

That's, yeah, that's burned in some kid's head. Yeah. Just screaming at the moon. That's, yeah, that's burned in some kid's head. Oh, yeah. More like some retirees are like, oh, look at those girls. They're having a nice time.

You know what's funny? They have strawberry milk. They have chocolate milk. But you can't buy orange milk at the grocery store. No, that is weird. I just looked it up.

Arby's also has a raspberry milkshake. Oh, I was going to guess grape was going to guess grape But anyways Eric's parents At one point He said we're going to go get hamburgers This is the story

Yes I remember And then we went to Arby's And I was like okay I've never had an Arby's hamburger Here we go And it was a roast beef sandwich And I was like does he just think everything is a hamburger I was so pissed off I was so pissed off

because you thought you were getting a hamburger yeah and the roast beef you know how it does a little rainbow thing oh sure yeah

that's called sulfites yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're not allowed to go to Arby's if you're pregnant they are they're at the door they stop you yeah they have a kids meal with a cigarette in it If you're pregnant. They are. They're at the door.

They stop you. Yeah, they have a kid's meal with a cigarette in it. Was that the only time you ever went? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was. Because I feel the opposite. You never went back.

I want to go back immediately. I want to take that raspberry shake. I'm surprised there's not an Arby's downtown. It feels like a downtown place. Yeah, it does feel very classy. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if. Yeah, it does feel very classy. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if it had sawdust on the floor. That's my image of the inside of an Arby's.

Because their logo is a hat cowboy hat. Yeah, a hat cowboy hat. Yeah. Just peanuts, kind of like peanuts on the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a saloon. Yeah, a saloon. Yeah.

What was the... Well, Five Guys has peanuts on the floor. That's true, right? That's an actual thing? Yeah. Yeah. Because they cook everything in peanut oil. Ah. And was the Camby bar, did they have like throw whatever on the floor? Was that their policy?

At the Camby? Yeah. Throw whatever on the floor. Just scraping spaghetti onto the floor. I got to rinse these dishes. Just going to pour the rest Of whatever is in this On the floor Um

Anyway So I had a wonderful Uh Experience at Arby's I Will be going back If I'm ever in Tawasin again Yeah

I gotta make an excuse To go out to the island Did you have a nice drive out To the To Tawasin Yeah I went to the big mall out there Yeah

What'd you do at the mall They had a They have an all hockey store A giant hockey store. Okay. I bought some new skate laces. Yeah.

And some tape. Did you go for a brand that you knew or did you go for a new brand? I went with Howie's. Okay. All right.

You know what you like. Yeah. Just stick with it. Howie's is a low-key dominant brand in the hockey space it'll keep you secure in the game yeah that's a good analysis yeah yeah when when third period is too tight yeah after the dog races um graham what is going on with you god nothing man nothing this is so smoky in this city that I had to be indoor kid. Uh, cause I, the one time I went out, I was like, just like, it's felt like I was a smoker

again. Like I was just clearing my throat constantly. And they said, if you were walking, if you're outside during the day, during the bad smoke days, that it was the equivalent of smoking two cigarettes. Oh, cool. Which I don't want to hear because then I could have smoked two cigarettes. Yeah, that would have been fun. Yeah.

My friend, he's in a band called Sublime and he smokes two joints in the morning. What else does he do? He smokes two joints at night and he smokes two joints in the afternoon. And then? Well, I think that's because it makes him feel all right. Yeah. And then he smokes two joints in time of peace. But that's not all. Two in time of war.

This is the weirdest thing. Tell me. He smokes two joints before he smokes two joints. And then he smokes two more. After that. Uh-huh. Wow. I don't think he's healthy.

No. And he was only with us for a very short time. And I don't think he wrote that. No? You don't think he wrote two joints? No You don't think he wrote Two Joints? No, I think most of the songs are all... Like a Bernie Toppin? No.

A.I.? I think they used A.I. or they just stole from old... A.I. just knew to say Two Joints over and over and over again. A.I. knows wordplay. Yeah. It knows wordplay. And so you smoked two cigarettes. Yeah, I smoked two cigarettes.

They were the best. I had a martini while I was smoking them. It was fantastic. Do you feel like it's just oppressiveressive too? Like this kind of smoke where you just suddenly you're like, there's nowhere to go. Yeah. And the sun is red. Yes. And you can't see the mountains. Don't like that. They're completely gone

and you just feel it, you know, and it's ominous. The light is very ominous. It doesn't feel like the right time of day. Yeah, it does feel like, oh, it's a beautiful sunset. Oh, it's noon. Yeah. Yeah.ous. It doesn't feel like the right time of day. Yeah. It does feel like, Oh, it's a beautiful sunset.

Oh, it's noon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, I don't know, like just unnerving.

And so I stayed inside most of the time and which allowed me to get up to date on just like that. Just like that. Can you believe they're getting a third season? Absolutely. I can't. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? This is catnip.

This is catnip. We can't. The people who view it, they're the same people that love Sex and the City. They just want more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But there's too many characters. There's too many characters.

I couldn't agree more. Do you think Samantha's still there? Because she's not. Oh, and this whole 30 second phone call. If they think we're going to get, like she's going to come back. And you know who's doing all right right now? Kim Cattrall. Kim Cattrall goes, yeah, I'm glad I stepped away from that dumpster fire.

Yeah. That is, and just like that, season two. Did she, is it over? No. In season two? No. So her call, has it happened yet? It hasn't happened.

It has not happened. And she has made, this is very shrewd of her. Because people are talking about her all year. She doesn't even have to show up. I think she recorded it on her iPhone, wherever she is, sent it in is this gonna make them this is a video chat that we're gonna i don't think we see her at all i think oh really i think it's a voiceover with her with her headshot do we think it's a video chat or maybe a video scat And the he-dogs and the she-dogs. I'm pooing. Sorry.

You are? What's the scatting? Oh, Kim's control. Oh, God. I'm a millennial. That's my humor. And your diet. Millennial diet? More like millennial line of transit.

Nice. Nice. Well done. Get your rhyming dictionary. Graham, can you tell me what you like it all about and just like that? Because I'd like to know. Are you Alcada? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. But you hate it and you're watching it. Well, yeah. So you can relate. It's something to watch and it's something to pick apart. But also, I like seeing the original three. I don't like any of the additional characters.

No. Except Che. Che rules. Che back at the vet. Now, I know our listeners are like, if you're a listener who doesn't watch the show and you're tired of us talking about this, too bad. I haven't watched it either. And I know Che. I feel like I know Che so well.

I feel like I know Chase so well. The joke that she told on stage in the last episode that I watched was, or maybe not the one before where she says, my girlfriend I was seeing, she was like picking queer items off a menu. Like, I'll have the bi, I'll have the trans, and hold the mayo was the joke. And the audience was like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was was good is mayo a queer thing

pretty divisive I don't know a lot of people stand on either side of mayo okay there was a moment where there was a

character who was about to bend down and pet a dog and in my mind I thought oh the dog's going to bite her face because that would

have made as much sense in this TV show if Seema had bent down to pet a dog and instead of finding her Birkin in a bush let's just say the dog bit her on the face and I had this moment where I was like I believe that could have also happened yeah that's how loosey-goosey the story is well and it's uh they I guess they always were rich hey I always thought that Carrie maybe wasn't rich because she was a writer. They're rich. They were all rich. Why does Carrie have to Airbnb Chase Place? Oh.

Doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Oh, because what's-her-name doesn't want to go in there. Get a hotel. Yeah, they did. They should have done it sooner. Yeah. Even when Carrie couldn't afford, like, when she was a poor writer, she always, like, had a wonderful apartment and a million shoes.

A million shoes a million shoes yeah and their outfits you guys the outfits you're telling me Charlotte sleeps in a double bed

with Harry no it's a double it's a double next time you're watching an episode I'm gonna go back and watch it

from the beginning please do take a look at the size of Charlotte's bed okay that real estate in New York though

Charlotte lives in a six bedroom penthouse apartment on the Upper East or West side. It's just so hard to light a king-sized bedroom. I know. You've got to get two camera angles on that. The Charlotte's husband, Harry? Yeah.

Seems like he is there under duress. Every scene that he's in, he's got a very worried expression on his face. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, shoot. Yeah. Oh, hey, Charlotte. Sorry. He's always bumbling, too.

He's always saying sorry. Yeah. But then Charlotte gets a job, and that becomes a whole storyline unto itself. But really, Che is the evolving character. The couple where the woman is the documentary maker. I don't know their names they suck they suck they suck

and the fact that the writers are like well let's have some story of theirs without the main three unbelievable unforgivable every time that she

comes on the screen I go now who is she yeah who is she she's been in two seasons I always go and now which one is she yeah

and also the husband they just ugh listeners if you don't watch the show I guess i guess i now i'm sort of on your side okay and i'm like i guess i kind of like che you thought you were about che for a while but uh che then worked at a at a rescue an animal rescue oh who rescued whom that's right exactly she ends up with a cat so i'm just waiting for more there's a like she shot a pilot that really didn't go well oh the same thing happened uh to my friend on his airplane your russian friend my russian friend yeah wait what do you know dave he was uh he had pitched he was

in the development he got a development deal for his TV idea and they shot a pilot and you know the plane crashed. Yeah. Oh my God was it going to be like reality based? No it was like

like I said kind of like Putin it up or Putin it down. Yeah. He was flying to meet Putin to like shoot

some some footage. Yeah just like makeup test. Yeah. Well they have to get everyone on board right

and there was prosthetics yeah TV takes a really long time uh the did I tell you Tony Danza's on it for a brief spell

I forget yeah Tony Danza's on and just like that he plays is he he's Tony Danza but is he good looking

yeah he looks he's got silver fox he looks great yeah he's no Timothy Oliphphant or Josh Duhamel. No, but he's Tony Danza. He's Tony Danza. And he plays her, oh sorry, their father. And he's Italian and Che is of Mexican extraction.

And so Tony Danza says you have to be Italian on the show because I'm not going to play somebody. I've got a thick Italian accent yeah I want to play an Italian so your character is Italian now I think at one point

he was like hey love is love right Italian Mexican don't worry about it love is love gubba ghoul

I work with Judith Light once what from Tony Danza's Who's the Boss Tony Danza's Who's the Boss Who's the Boss That was his version Like Taylor's version

Came out with the Tony Danza edit Yeah it's on Peacock She was incredible She's exactly what you thought She was in this beautiful flowing top And she had really smart glasses i think three pairs on her body like one was on her shirt one on her face one on her head i love that she kept switching up the glasses the glasses continuity on this show was uh was bonkers she was

the director oh and the executive producer yeah she was a big deal was my mother was she also in it or as just no no she was just behind wow okay so she was very but you could tell that she was quite comfortable on a set yeah Judith Light wow

yeah I'd say she's doing better than Tony Danza Tony Danza played Che's father on a pilot that wasn't picked up did not get picked up

because Miranda's cell phone was on yeah that's right he interrupted the scene we were talking about the opening of, uh,

Who's the Boss? A couple of weeks ago with Fida and the scene where he plays, uh, playing baseball. Sliding into home. Sliding into home. Yeah. And I was remembering,

um, the, uh, there's like a scene where he and, uh, Angela have to share a pair of pajamas. Yes. And he gets the bottom and she gets the top. Uh, and then I rewatched the, uh, Angela have to share a pair of pajamas. Yes. And he gets the bottom and she gets the top.

Uh, and then I rewatched the intro of the show. And there's also a part in the intro where he's like doing a shampoo commercial in the shower, reaching out, holding a shampoo to show you that he's a working actor. Well, I don't know. I think he,

they cast this. I forgot how much of that show involved Tony Danza taking his shirt off. Yeah. Yeah, he was, he was a snack.

Oh, and those two had chemistry for days. Boy, oh boy. I saw somebody edited the van going

from wherever it was to Connecticut with just ominous music. Yeah. If you see the van and you're like, oh yeah, and it's like, it's all patched up and rusty and you don't see who's in it.

It's just this man who's like, I need to live here. This is my daughter. That's my daughter. Samantha. Bit of a tomboy, the daughter. But yeah. And her son was a nerd. Jonathan.

Jonathan was more of a dweeb. Yeah. Right? Yeah. He wasn't a nerd. He was more of just a dweeb. Yeah. Goody two shoes.

Yeah. Was he? Danny Pintoro? Danny Pintoro. Yes. dweeb yeah right yeah he wasn't a nerd he was more of just a dweeb yeah goody two shoes yeah he danny pintoro danny pintoro yeah yeah had a little trouble with the law if i could recall correctly in real life yeah no i don't think so you sure no i think he had a drug problem no i don't know he's gay oh yeah that's what is that worth anything i could see him being on those shows like those imposter shows or like like Celebrity... Celebrity Pintoro. Yeah, Celebrity Makeovers. Oh, yeah. Celebrity House Makeovers, where Danny Pintoro makes over your living room.

I think he's one of the few child stars who did not have a drug problem. Oh, really? I don't know. None of us know. How can you know? It's impossible to know. It's impossible. Siri, did Danny Pintoro have a drug problem?

I found something online. Oh, fuck that. Yeah. You find it, then. Yeah. But yeah, so Tony Danza's drug problem? I found something online. Well, fuck that. Yeah. You find it then. Yeah. But yeah, so Tony Danza's doing well. I can't wait. How many more episodes are there this season?

One? Two more? Two maybe. I could see them being two. Yeah, something's got to happen. The other shoe's got to drop. The other. The other chaise got to drop.

No, shoe. The other Louboutin. The other Manila Blahnik's got to drop at one point. Country Lurch, I'm over him. Oh, yeah. That's got a drop at one point. Country Lurch. I'm over him. Oh, yeah. That's what they call Aiden. Aiden.

Okay. Yeah, he's Country Lurch. Yeah. Because he's tall. He's tall and he's got kind of a... A limb. Yeah. Kind of a long face.

Why? Huh? He's in Carpentry. Oh, okay. Dave, there's a scene where there was a robbery at a jewelry show, and they equate... A jewelry show? Yeah. What's a jewelry show?

It's like a comedy concert. Come and take a look, everyone. Stop doing improv shows. Start doing corporate jewelry shows. I know. You're right. What am I doing? I'm not making any money.

So, yeah, these Orthodox kids, do you want to come up and see? Oh, no. I'm not allowed back there. No, no, no. They got rid of me fast. Yeah, they did not like me towards the end of that gig. Before the show, this podcast, you said, I might tell a story that could get me canceled. Was that it?

Okay. Okay, yeah. Because it's a very embarrassing thing to tell people, hey, I'm dumb. No, I was just wondering if there was something worse. Oh, no, that's fine. But here's what's going to get me canceled. To be honest, I did hit someone with my car. Yeah, I was going to say, you're driving with the caterer.

I broke my toe. I hit a woman. But she was one of those people that just didn't matter. She was nobody's everything. She was nobody's everything. And then the woman, this guy who I was with, who I hit, she comes out, she goes, thinner. And at first, it's great. Yeah, exactly.

The first couple of weeks of thinner. You feel really good. That's the thing. Is thinner Ozempic? Is what? Thinner Ozempic. Is thinner like Ozempic? Yes, yes.

At first, you're like, I don't hate it and then and then you realize oh i'm sick does ozempic make you sick apparently the side effect of ozempic is that you just feel nauseous all the time same as i already yeah exactly you always feel nauseous yeah it's terrible yeah because i'm so sick you're sick all the time. Yeah, because I'm so barfy. Are you on Ozempic? I'm on Ozempic. It's not working. No. They're running out of it.

So many people are using it. Yeah. They can't keep it in stock. Oh, I make some. I make bathtub Ozempic. What do you, what's your method? What's your recipe? Well, it's just basically.

Ozempic. It's NyQuil with a little bit of horsey sauce. But you got gotta snort it so the horse radish really goes up your nose yeah and the mayonnaise really coats

the nasal canal yeah and it like sort of creates this protein in your brain yeah you gotta be careful

that mayonnaise doesn't get caught in the pockets yeah although don't you want it there isn't that like plumping up the face

yeah well yeah it counteracts the ozympic yes yes it's the opposite of people are getting that surgery On it there, isn't that like plumping up the face? Yeah, well, yeah, it counteracts the ozymphic. Yes. Yes. It's the opposite of people are getting that surgery where you remove the buccal fat. Is that what it's called?

I think so. Buccal. B-U-C-C-A-L. I've only seen it written. Buccal. Buccal. Buccal. Buccal fat. But it's basically when you make a fish mouth with your face, that's what they want to look like.

Really? Yeah, you suck in your cheeks with your face, that's what they want to look like. Really? Yeah, you suck in your cheeks and they're removing that part of fat. I can't really do the fish face anymore. Bella Hadid had it done. She has Lyme disease. Oh, yeah. Are those things related? No.

Well, they are to her. Buccal and Lyme disease. She had the buccal removal, so did the girl from Glee, Leah. Michelle. Leah Michelle. Can't read. That's a rumor. Oh, yeah?

She looks like someone who can't read. What's that supposed to mean? She's got an attitude. Yeah. She's got an attitude walking around that, like, yeah, I don't...

Her eyes are always closed. What do I look like? You look like a reader, okay? You read. Well, hey, I got news for you. I can't. Really?

Not a word. Wow. Wow. wow wow yeah well i feel silly yeah that's why i asked you siri exactly no siri i need an answer i can't google it myself oh man uh should we move on to some overheard yeah bad the greatest generation maximum funds a reverent filthy mouth star trek podcast is a big deal how big it's the only star trek podcast big enough to have a live show tour and we are inviting all star trek fans and max funsters everywhere we're calling it the share your embarrassment tour we're going to celebrate and roast Star Trek V. That's the one where they killed God. We're going to be in a bunch of cities, and GreatestGenTour.com has all the info and ticket links.

That's GreatestGenTour.com for dates and ticketing info for the Share Your Embarrassment Tour. Come share your embarrassment with us. And grow stronger from the sharing. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Teresa McElroy. And we're the host of Schmanners. We don't believe that etiquette should be used to judge other people. No, on Schmanners, we see etiquette as a way to navigate social situations with confidence.

So if that sounds like something you're into... Join us every Friday on Maximum Fun wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. You got it. Overheard is a segment wherein we request things that you've overheard. Funny things.

Kind of off kilter things. Maybe things you've dreamt. Things you've seen. And we always like to start with the guests. Caitlin? Yes. Do you have an overheard? I have an overseen.

Okay. If you don't mind me sharing. I was with some friends in Toronto and we were leaving um a celebration of life oh it was actually a a lovely celebration it was really nice and we all had you know a very emotional afternoon and then we decided to go have some dinner afterwards some family was there then after dinner we're like you know what let's go for one more drink it's just been a heck of a day sure it was around 9 30 at night, we're like, you know what? Let's go for one more drink. It's just been a heck of a day. Sure. It was around 930 at night. So we're leaving dinner and we're going to just walk to a bar nearby. And as we're walking, it's late at night.

We look in the window. I think I've heard this before. Have you heard? Really? I think I maybe heard it on another person's podcast. Oh. I haven't heard it. Sorry to interrupt.

Maybe. Oh, I know whose podcast haven't heard it sorry to interrupt maybe oh i know whose podcast you've heard it on okay so i look into the window and there's people having sex in this big loft window hell yeah it's well lit in there it's dark on the street and so it is you can see everything yeah this is and this is on purpose this is not it must be right if it's this performative it's got to be on purpose. Yeah. And were they good at it? And they were good.

And they were sexy. Right? They were hot. You could tell. Like, he had, like, shoulders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was, like. I'm picturing it. And it's good.

It was visually a male-female. That's the whole. Visually. Fantasy of just looking at buildings that someday you'll just get to see. It was so hot. Yeah. And was so hot. Yeah. And we were shocked. We were just standing there watching these people really go at it.

When suddenly we see a third person sit up from the bed. Holy shit. And we realize we're not watching sex. We're watching a threesome. And then we watch these three people just have crazy sex wow at 9 30 at night on dover court or davenport describe the third person i forgot this part of the story so there's a third person suddenly so you describe them in third person yeah okay um she was she was sitting suddenly on the bed oh yes two women one man women. One man. One man. Taking turns.

What will he do next? Wow. Here it comes. Watch out, girls. Just juggling. Yeah. Wow. And so I have a theory that it was his place and he had hired two women to come over and have sex with him.

Why couldn't it be that it's a couple of gals that just came over? Yeah. That he met on some kind of website that's not necessarily. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. else that just came over that he met on some kind of website that's not necessarily maybe yeah maybe maybe but it felt like it

was mostly for him you know and we watched for minutes sex always is yeah we were there for minutes we were there

and at one point one of the people that I was with were you the only one staring up at like was this exclusive to a lot of people on the

street oh like it was only our group that noticed okay yeah it wasn't like everybody gathered around yeah I know but the four of us were just shocked and then one person This exclusive, a lot of people on the street. Oh, it was only our group that noticed. Okay, yeah. It wasn't like everybody gathered around. Yeah, I know. But the four of us were just shocked.

And then one person was like, I've got to get a picture of this. And so she's pulled out her camera, but she's got the flashlight on. Of course. And I was like, you're ruining it. Yeah. So that was, it was very exciting. Did they see the flashlight? Flashlight or just the flash?

Flashlight? What was it? Flashlight. They had like a flashlight out. Really? It was very strange. I think they were trying to film a video. Okay.

And really capture the moment. Yeah. Didn't. Yeah. But they kept going. That didn't interrupt these people. It got to the point that we said, we need to go. Yeah.

Like, I would like to have another drink. It's getting kind of late. Who knows when they're going to be done. Yeah. If there is a celebration of my life, I hope that people get to see a threesome yes also that same evening do you think it was maybe angels yeah something magical yeah he's up there yeah isn't that beautiful now i believe this was told on evil men that would make sense one of the people was james hartnett that rings a bell yes nice yes and he told it

different though he what oh yeah he was very horny when he told he told it very hornily yes i was with evany rosen and james hartnett and another friend and and those two are never getting married right those two are never ever getting married yeah they're engaged yeah getting married soon yeah married very soon around the around the corner. Yeah. I'll be there. So that's one of the, that's my favorite scene. That's a once in a lifetime thing. That's epic.

That's honestly what I thought adult life would be. You think I'm never going to get to see that again? No. I mean, some people don't get,

some people wait a lifetime for a moment like that. Are you kidding? I remember being like a 12 year old and thinking like, yeah, when I grow up, I'll have a telescope and I'll watch people. I honestly being like a 12-year-old and thinking like, yeah, when I grow up, I'll have a telescope and I'll watch people.

I honestly was like, that's just a thing I'll do. NBD. I'll do it later. I can already tell I'm going to be very horny forever. That's what I'll do. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is an overheard. And it is, this is one I haven't overdreamt but that's not that's not for today

okay okay um and so i was at uh i was walking my dog near douglas park at about nine o'clock at night and uh there was this dude running with uh he was barefoot he was like a 60 year old sort of like a michael jordan type okay 60 year old party dude carrying a beer in one hand and his shoes in the other hand nice uh-huh and very much they were very like nine-year-old energy of like like you never see grown-ups running barefoot no yeah almost never um and he was with a younger guy who also had a drink in his hand, maybe like a 40 year old guy. And they were leaving the park, uh,

at nighttime. This guy's like a Jimmy Buffett party, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm picturing him. Um,

and so the younger guys going ahead and the, the older guys barefoot. So he's going kind of slow he's maybe drunk and um the uh the guy's like hey come with me and the older guy says i will but first i want to jump on this tree stump and then he runs over and he jumps on it two feet on the tree stump and he runs away now is it possible that these are two nine-year-olds that got a wish fulfilled? I wish I was 40. I wish I was 60.

I wish I was born in 1963. I wish I was born in 1983. Careful what you wish for. That just seemed like what kids would do. Well, buy beer.

We'll go to the park and we'll jump in a tree stump. It was the tree that put the spell on them. And that's why they were trying to get back to the tree stump. But by the time they were 60 and 40, the tree had been cut down. So how the heck were they supposed to get back to where they're from? Yeah. Good question.

How did they know? That's a really good idea. Thanks. That's really good. There's a writer's strike. Pencils down, everyone. Knock it off. Knock it off.

You can have ideas. That doesn't have to be. You cannot. You cannot have ideas. But what if it's like for a novel? Scab. You're not allowed to write a novel? Pencils down, baby.

Are novelists covered by the... The good ones are. You see Daisy Jones and the Six? No. Oh. Well, that's probably for the best. Are those the good ones? It's not great.

It looks like something I'd love, and then I never heard anyone mention it again, and I was like, well, I guess I don't like this. Graham, do you have an overheard? Mine comes from a couple that was behind me crossing the street, and the woman was saying to the man, once your brain fully develops, you don't find Leonardo DiCaprio attractive anymore.

It's so true. Yeah. Now you look at him and you go, ah, no, I'm okay. No, but what about like, what's prime Leo for you? Prime Leo. Never my type. Yeah. He was probably, he was too smooth early on.

So I'm looking at, I'm looking like, oh, The Departed. The Departed. Yeah. Well, he's not quite roundhead. Yeah, he got. He got puffy. Yeah, he went, something happened between Catch Me If You Can and The Departed. Right. And that made him have a man head.

Yeah, he had a man head. Stills, Swing and Bachelor. After all these years, never even walked down the aisle once. Well, he's had plenty of girlfriends. Emphasis on girl. He doesn't like addled women. No, they're too real. He barely likes addled women.

He likes barely legal women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he loves being on his boat. God damn it. Hopefully their English is terrible. What's that? Not a lick of English? Come on aboard. Now, we have overheard sent in to us from people all over the world. If you want to send

one in. Speaking of the world, he's the king of it. He was too smooth in that movie. Too smooth. I'll take your word for it i haven't seen oh well it's great you gotta spoil it oh well maybe when my children are that age they're obsessed with the titan yeah um if you want to send one in to us you can send it in to sby at maximum fun.org first one comes from dallas. This is in Chicago. Man and woman at the lounge in Art Institute. Do you think Dallas T is listening right now thinking, I wonder if that's me or a different Dallas T?

Who's Dallas T? Oh, wait. What did I say? Dallas T. Yeah, Dallas T. Is that not this person's name? Yeah. Yeah.

But who else is Dallas T? Exactly. Well, maybe Dallas T is going, do you think it's me? Am I the Spruce's name? Yeah. But who else is Dallas T? Exactly. Well, maybe Dallas T is going, do you think it's me? Am I the Dallas T in Chicago? I made a joke and now I feel so stupid. No, it was a beautiful moment. That Dallas T right now is going, are they doing this whole extended bit

just for me? Wait, who's Dallas T? The writer. Like, oh, pencils down, guys. Yeah, they're not allowed to write anything else. Don't write in over herds anymore, pencils down. So this is the lounge at the Art Institute of Chicago. Wow. The woman looks at the coffee urn, which has a card describing it as having hints of almond and citrus.

The woman says, oh, I'm allergic to almonds. The man says, why would they make that coffee with so many allergies out there? The woman says, I don't know. The man says, well, is your allergy malleable? Can you have like a little bit of all of us? Yeah, I can have a touch. I can have a little bit of all of us. Yeah, I mean, I don't, it would kill me, but a little bit would be fine.

Yeah. A big bit would be fine. Can you bend your allergy? Can you bend it? Is it malleable? If you put some heat on it, can it transform? Why does it matter that they were at the Art Institute? I was expecting to hear about fricking Picasso's blue guitar.

Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, where's from Cezanne to Matisse? I'm lost. It's like a kid that just doesn't remember the big thing they were there for. They're an orca in the background and they're like, look at the shovel I found on the beach.

I got a keychain. One day I'm going to buy a car and this is the keychain I'm going to use. When I'm growing up, I'll have a telescope, and I'll watch people fucking all night. And it's going to be a convertible, not the telescope, the car. Well, a convertible telescope is an interesting idea. But also not very helpful. Yeah, that's in too much light.

It's a spoon. This next one comes from Owen Yellowstone National Park That's his last name? Yep, Owen You must get googled all the time And join the crowds To watch the eruption of Old Faithful After the geyser's

Impressive blast, a kid about 8 years old Obviously unimpressed Scoffed, that's it And then rolled away on his light up Heelys down the board We're doomed that's it? And then rolled away on his light-up Heelys down the boardwalk. We're doomed! That's it. So I, we visited Abby's brother in

Copenhagen last month, and now, and the day after we got home they came and visited us. It's been three years since we could travel, so they planned a trip here the same summer we planned a trip there. And they have a very, they same summer we planned a trip there. Uh, and,

they have a very, they have like a child who's almost two and they just bought her some light up shoes here. They, they, she just like chose, they weren't even shopping, but they,

they had to kill time in the Bay and she found some shoes and put them on and they were like, okay, we'll just get them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And,

uh, she's very cute. And, uh, when she got the light up shoes and when they light up, okay, we'll just get them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's very cute. And when she got the light-up shoes, and when they light up, she goes, Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo. Fucking adorable. I'd like to get a pair of light-up shoes.

With Heelys? Oh, yeah. Look at me go. Bye, Caitlin. Everybody wave. Bye. There she goes. Well, you know that my phone number

is on the web page for the what's it called water guard water safety people when you want to coast guard coast guards

okay so when you call the coast guards emergency line it actually goes to my phone number so if I got these shoes I could be of help

yeah exactly I'll be right there I don't know how much of that is a joke. It's completely true. If you go on the webpage for the Coast Guard and you want to report an emergency, it's my phone number.

Why? Does the Coast Guard know that? I would assume no. That or they're really shirking their responsibilities. But it's my phone number on their webpage. So I get phone calls

all the time from people going things are bad and i'm like oh no pirates i'm so sorry and i don't know what to tell you on how you could get help because you will call me right back yeah because the only number i know is mine yeah and i'd love to call them and let them know you want the public to know this that your phone number they have many phone numbers on the website. I think this is a specific one for spills. One for thrills, one for chills, and one for spills. And I only get the spills.

You know what? I've gotten to the point that I just lie and I go, yeah, I'm on my way. Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo. This last one is from Keegan from Dartmouth. I was in line and there was a family behind me and the 13-year-old asked his mom, does my combo come with gravy? And the mom said no and refused to get him any. The kid and his friend whined and complained.

The friend egging on, saying, come on, just let him have some gravy. To which the mom replied, he gets enough gravy at home. Trust me. The last thing this kid needs is more gravy, okay? I love that. I can't even think of a fast food place that gives you gravy. Oh, KFC will give you gravy. MW will give you gravy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will McDonald's do gravy? Like anywhere that they do a poutine, they would do gravy, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will McDonald's do gravy? Like, anywhere that they do a poutine, they would do gravy, I guess. Yeah. Gravy adjacent. Does McDonald's do a poutine? Right.

Does McDonald's do poutine or no? Is the Pope Catholic? Hey, but Quebec is. I don't know, but Quebec is. Is the education system Catholic? No, but it's French. I was in Quebec recently, and this man was talking about his geese and he named them okay this is in french and uh someone was like what are your what are your birds names and he goes there's four of them he goes ding dong north sud so he named his birds

north south and ding dong one guy rules. Ding and Dong. North and South. I mean, those are the directions they fly. This Ding Dong. Ding and Dong. In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh.

SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Dave, Graham, inimitable guests. I'm sitting here outside of a job site where I'm working and there's a young man who's moving furniture into a newly built home. While he's doing this, he's having a pretty

heated argument over the phone, tucked into his shoulder. He's lifting these big, heavy articles, which is kind of funny in and of itself. But while he's saying this stuff to this person over the phone, one of the things he's saying really jumped out at me, which was, you and your daughter are going to both go to hell. That's right.

Yeah. God's going to get you. No. God. No. God's going to get you. I just thought that was great. So y'all have a great one.

In a freaking way. Oh, that's great Turnabout is fair Yeah No No No He's not gonna get me

No Oh that's so good You and your daughter Both going to hell Well at least We'll be together That's nice No we won't

You'll be together You and my daughter You and my daughter Are going to hell I'm not going to hell You'll be with her But she my daughter are going to hell. I'm not going to hell. You'll be with her. She might be going. I don't know.

I'm not. There we go. Hey, guys. This is Jen calling from the nude beach on Toronto Island. And I'm here with one of my friends who has a little dog, a little dash hound. And as we were walking down the beach, we passed a group of ladies who were enjoying some fun in the sun with some adult beverages. And as we walked by them, one of them yelled, hell yeah! That's the only wiener I'm here to see!

Oh, thank you. Yeah. We're not going to look at your boyfriend's wiener. We're just, this one's fine. We came to the nude beach to not see petises. I also like that kind of heckling. We're like, come on, dog! Now that's a hot dog! You know, that kind of heckling. We're like, come on, dog. Now that's a hot dog.

You know, that kind of heckling. Hell yeah. Yeah. That I think everyone would be cool with if we started heckling dogs more. Positive heckles. Yeah. Hey, positive. Hey, Delilah.

Positive. Hey, Delilah. Dog paws. Oh, positive. God. Yeah. Positive. Positive. I'm just staring at Dave

saying positive. But hear the W? Positive. Do you hear it? Positive. Here we go. Final phone call. Hey guys. My name is Kate. New listener anyway. I was walking into work yesterday and right before I went

in the door, this guy and this girl were passing by, and she goes, what was that sound he made again? And the guy goes, uh? Who? Who made that sound? Tell me more. So his name was Tim?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was a tool man? Yeah. He was a man made out of tools. No, no, no. He was just great at fixing things. He had his own TV show. And he would show you how to fix things. Well, he was a man made out of tools no no no he was just great at fixing things he had his own TV show and it was

he would show you how to fix things well he was well do you know that Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was originally going to be called Tim the Tool Man

Tailor Soldier Spy is that right really did they have Tim Allen they couldn't get him they got Gary Oldman they got Gary Oldman yeah

and Zachary Ty Bryant oh yeah and Gordon and just Joseph Gordon Jordan Taylor Thomas Jonathan Taylor Thomas and what was the Yeah. And Zachary Ty Bryant. Oh, yeah. And Gordon. And just just just of Gordon. Jordan Taylor Thomas. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. And what was the third boy's name?

Noah. Taryn Noah Smith. Yeah. Zachary Ty Bryant. Brian. He's got a drug problem. Yes. Yeah.

I mean, Taryn Noah Smith married a much older woman. Oh, yeah. He was looking for something. And, you know, Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Honestly, he was the best. St know, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, honestly. He was the best. Stays gold in my eyes. Yeah.

Look, you can have a drug problem, you can take gold in my eyes too. You can marry an old lady and have... You hear that, Zachary? Give Dave a call. Or give Caitlin a call. She's part of the ghost guard. Yeah, I'm also part of the problem. Look, we're all humans.

But yeah, Jonathan Taylor Thomas is maybe a god yeah he might be what he cause he had a little run there after uh

he became the kid the the teen not as much as he could have though he was not Jonathan Brandis is that who you're thinking of no from Ladybugs

no no he was he was in Free Willy no no Jonathan Brandis was in Ladybugs and he was in Sequest DSV and then passed away. Oh. Tragically.

Well, there. How do you feel now? Thanks again for having me. Caitlin, thank you for being our guest. Thanks for having me, guys. Hey, thanks. This was fun. Every Friday night.

Sorry, Saturday, Sunday. No. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Let me, guys. Hey, thanks. This was fun. Every Friday night. Sorry, Saturday, Sunday. No. Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Let me do my own promo, okay, Graham? Every Sunday night, we've got a show called The Sunday Service is the name of the show, and the name of the date is in the name of the show.

Sunday Service. Every Sunday. Sometimes with Bob Odenkirk. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you have to bring me back in a year. One time. One time. Okay, one time with Bob Odenkirk. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you have to bring me back in a year. One time. One time.

Okay, one time with Bob Odenkirk. It's more than none. Well, he came by. Yeah. I'll take it. Yeah. But you performed with him. Yeah.

He came and did the show. That's amazing. Sometimes if people are in town shooting a thing. They might. They might do your show. Do our show. Every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret, last Sunday of the month is Pay What You Want. Best show in town. Best show in town. Thank you so much for being our show. Every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret, last Sunday of the month is Pay What You Want. Best show in town.

Best show in town. Thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you, everybody out there for listening. If Zachary Ty Bryant is out there,

get in touch. Dave wants to love you. Yeah, and you can find my phone number on the Coast Guard website. Spills under spills. Thanks for listening and come on back next week

for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.