Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 81 - Abby Campbell

Episode Date: September 22, 2009

Abby Campbell returns to talk about MTV, bachelor parties, and Wilmer Valderrama.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 81. My name is Graham Clark and this is Stop Podcasting Yourself. And with me as always is a man who is best taken as the prescription tells you to take it. Yeah.

Dave Shumka. Most things are best taken as prescribed. Oh man, slurred speech. I'm so wasted. Dave Shumka. Most things are best taken as subscribed. Oh, man. Slurred speech. I'm so wasted. Yeah. Well, it's a Saturday. You can be forgiven.

I've earned it. And joining us here today, three-time repeat guest, a very professional, accomplished, smart, funny, snappy-dressing lady, Miss Abby Campbell. That's quite the introduction. Thank you, Graham. You earned it. You earned all those accolades. I did.

I did. Yeah. So should we get some notes? I stepped on a lot of people to get those. A lot of daggers. A lot of daggers and a lot of bags. You didn't step over anyone. You just stepped on some people.

Isn't that how you get up? Move ahead? No? Yeah. You go to a spa, a day spa. You get up on some people. Isn't that how you get up? Move ahead? Yeah, you go to a spa, a day spa. You get up on the table, you walk across some people's backs. Boom, go back to the office for your promotion. And they give you money, too.

They pay you to do it. Yeah, exactly. And then you lick some boots. These are all things I've heard over the course of my career. They help. And then you knock boots. And you knock boots. And then you bump uglies. You put some brown on your nose. And then I knock boots. And you knock boots. And then you put some You bump uglies. You put some brown on your nose.

And then I windex the glass ceiling. Yeah. Make it nice and sparkly so I can see through it. Do you want to get to know us? Yes. Get to know us. So Abby,

what's going on of late? You guys are moving. That's the big thing. That seems to be we have a lot of... I'm constantly dealing with papers and copies of this and contracts with this and letters of this and I'm constantly just

moving papers and taking them with me. We're moving against our will. And just in case anybody, this is the first time you've listened to the podcast, Dave and Abby are an item. Yeah, we're cohabitating. And so you guys, today, you guys had to vacate your own premises for

up to three hours? Up to four months? Up to 2,000 flushes? We didn't have to vacate, but we didn't want to be here while they showed our place to strangers. Either you talk to the strangers and it's weird, or you don't talk to strangers and it's weird.

We'll never talk to strangers. And you shouldn't. strangers and it's weird or you don't talk to the strangers and it's weird. We'll never talk to strangers. And you shouldn't. If you're here when they show the house, it's like you're the actors that they hire at a heritage park. I went to Louisburg and they had that. Is that New Brunswick? Nova Scotia? Somewhere. They would come in the house and you guys would be

carrying a gun. We'd give them the lore of our house. Yeah. I thought of it as being like witnessing the worst ever MTV Cribs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where the landlord opens up our fridge and we don't have a thousand Red Bulls. No.

Or champagne. Have you seen the kind of the lower level canadian celebrity yeah yeah oh that's depressing there's some like i'm just like is that who i think it is yes it's her oh that she got her own cribs okay she's been in like five movies okay awesome and like maybe three episode ark and robson arms all right but i kind of think that the american cribs i think that they they kind of the producers massage it a bit better oh yeah well because the one thing i've always noticed about the american cribs is there's inevitably a room where there's about 20 to 30 people just hanging out watching mtv or pool yeah they're watching MTV coincidentally in HD which we don't get MTV in HD

no we don't can you imagine how much better MTV Canada would look in HD oh man and they I'm pretty sure the producers

the Hills After Show in HD the producers ask them what are your five favorite foods and they tell them and then the producers just get a vat of each food

yeah yeah I keep my fridge there's a row of crystal koala bear soda pops yes and every flavor and i love pizza bagels in the freezer this is my shit but there was one i saw he was like i think he was a bc lions football player and he lived in a he lived in a townhouse or whatever in Yaletown, which it was nice.

I'm sure it's very nice. But it's not TV friendly. It's like two, three bedrooms, like a townhouse maybe, right? Yeah, but it wasn't. They really had to, there was a lot of finessing going on with the editing.

There was one girl from a band I don't remember. The Bangles. Oh, yes. No, a Canadian band. I want to say Jackalope? Or is that just a character from America's Funniest People? It's both. But they sang

a song about Dave Coulier. That's where the crossover continues. All Canadian artists do. True. But they... He fucked a lot of them. In a theater. Oh no, he's got to win down on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She had an apartment and they always show off their car or their cars, but if you live in an apartment building, you only get one parking spot. And you're sharing it with people. It's in a parking lot.

An underground parking. But that's what this guy did. They went to the underground parking and they had brought out his whatever it was, his car. His Nissan Pathfinder. And then they filmed it. It was really like...

Do football players, do they need publicity? Yeah, and then they filmed it. It was really like... I don't... Do football players... Do they need publicity? I don't know. I think... They just need content, I think. MTV Canada literally needs to fill hours with Canadian stuff to keep their license.

Yeah. I did see one. It was on MTV UK, and it was one of the VJ and he he was really funny he was kind of russell brandy but like funny i drank some russell brandy before um and like it was it was his shitty apartment but it was shitty on purpose oh and that was really and he made it really funny and he runs around and that was really funny. Yeah. But then like, yeah. Well, like I saw Buck 65s

and it was like a cool like hipster pad. Yeah. But there was nothing in it. Yeah. Well, he probably doesn't spend that much time there.

I know, but isn't the show all about making you covet things? I guess. And like boasting about your lifestyle and... It's a... Like when POD had theirs, they had a huge barbecue. Yeah. covet things. And like boasting about your lifestyle.

Like when P.O.D. had theirs, they had a huge barbecue. They made carne asada. They did. P.O.D. is very much about Mexican family. Yeah. Yeah, Pedro Odile. That's what it stands for, right?

Right. An Irish name. Pedro Odelay. Yeah. With, oh shit, I forgot what I was going to say. Something about cribs.

That'll come back to me. I forgot. Never mind. Must have been a lie. Huh? Must have been a lie. Yeah, totally. Why?

Because you forget things that are lies? That's what my dad always said when I was like, it was, oh, what is this? It's either not important or a lie. Yeah, totally. Why? Because you forget things that are lies? That's what my dad always said when I was like, it was, oh, what is this? It's either not important or a lie. Well, no, it was definitely. If I couldn't remember what I was going to say, well, wasn't important or a lie. It was definitely in the not important category.

I assure you, it wasn't a lie. Speaking of lies, have you seen the previews for the Ricky Gervais movie, The Invention of Lying? Yes. It's all about a world where lying doesn't exist and then he's the first guy that lies and his life becomes super great because of it yeah but then there's probably some sort of but the people believe everything because they've never because everything they've never been like

yeah but has anyone in this world ever just been wrong before? Like, if I said, oh, that dog's black. Like, no, no, he's not. Like, don't trust this guy. He doesn't know things. If you think you're right, I don't know. I don't know the logic of the movie, having seen one trailer for it. And I think it's possible that the song was Would I Lie to You was in the background of the trailer. One of the best horn parts of the 80s um yeah i don't know i think it looks you know it's got it's got every it's one of those movies that comes along like once every i think like once a decade

where it's like a comedy super movie and all the comedy stars are in it and then usually that's a sign that it's like it's too many cooks like there's too many awesome people yeah but i don't know maybe not i mean but it's got pretty much everybody that you consider the top comedy people of the day they're all in this movie so oh yeah yeah there's good people yeah it's straight it's a strange it may that may equate to it being great or it may equate to it being like, ah! But then there's the informant too, right? That has a shitload of comedians in it just in regular roles.

Well, not a shitload, but quite a few, right? Like a boatload. Yeah. Maybe not a shitload. Yeah, a pantload. Maybe just one pantload. A pantload.

Maybe a pantload and a half. Pantload sounds way worse than shitload for some reason. Man. Time will tell. So what else is going on? How's work and stuff? You work at a talent agency?

Yeah, it's going. A team's coming to town. Oh, is that big? Yes, it's going to be big. There was all the controversy over whether or not it was going to be Rampage Jackson. Oh, it's going to be. Yeah. I don't know who he is.

I don't know, but he looks like Mr. T. I looked him up. Yeah, he does. Does he have the acting chops that Mr. T. had? Well, you're gonna have to wait and find out. Does he have the napping chops? Yeah. The gold chain wearing chops. He's definitely got the mohawk chops.

Yeah. I think I saw a picture of him with a mohawk. Oh, he's got the mohawk? Or maybe just one we had, like, just a little, like, strip. Like a prosthetic strip that they put in. It's probably they're going to digitally do the Mohawk because it's 2009. It's true. They can do it, you know. So it's Bradley Cooper.

B. Cooper. Rampage Jackson. Rampage Jackson. Rampage Jackson. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. Who's Liam Neeson? Jessica Biel.

And a dude from District 9. The guy from District 9 is going to be Murdoch Mad Dog. Is that what it is? Murdoch Mad Dog? The guy who flies the helicopters and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The crazy one. The guy that always wore the hat.

El Crazo. El Crazo. And then, of course, Bradley Cooper's the handsome one. Face man. Who's Hannibal? Liam Neeson. Okay. Who's Barakas?

Okay. Wait. Jessica Biel. Just a second Were there only four in the A-Team? There was a lady accomplice that joined them Later on

I never really watched the A-Team I watched Charlie's Angels My brother watched A-Team I only watched A-Team when I was at my grandparents' house and I remember that being one of the things that I would think about on the long car ride out is how awesome it would be to watch A-Team when I was at my grandparents' house, and I remember that being one of the things that I would think about on the long car ride out is how awesome it would be to watch A-Team. So you didn't get there and watch A-Team.

That's pretty cool. I feel like maybe I didn't watch the A-Team, but I know about it. But the theme song went, The A-Team. Did it actually have the word team? It's the A-Team. Did it actually have the word team? It's the A-Team. But the A-Team, there were no lyrics for that. No, there were no lyrics.

But you sing to yourself. The A-Team. No, you don't. I don't. There's an explanation bit before the theme song starts. That was the cachet. That's like their setup and stuff. There was a Rambo uh uh animated

tv show yeah it's called rambo yep what's the theme song rambo the force of freedom rambo you're really gonna need them i hope so that's great it's i'm not gonna rule that out as the the rambo theme song i did did watch the A-Team cartoon. I remember that. And they had the dog with the mohawk. Oh, with Slimer. He was her friend. The real A-Team.

Yeah, well, there was the... And then there was Mr. T then made a show in Canada years later called TNT where he played a lawyer. What? Huh? Have you never seen TNT then made a show in Canada years later called TNT, where he played a lawyer. What? Huh? Have you never seen TNT? No. TNT, the music factory? No, it was Dynamite.

But it stood for, TNT stood for Turner and Turner. And he was a guy who was imprisoned. And then this woman helped, he was imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit. imprisoned, and then this woman helped. He was imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit. Again, two series back to back. So you can empathize. Of course, he's not a bad guy. She got him out of prison.

But there were a lot of scenes where he was wearing a suit in it. That was the charm of TNT. Wow. I want to see that. I want to see Mr. Genius. You don't think I've ever seen that before. He's like a 52 long Suit size

Do you think he is? He's quite He's kind of short Like he's a stocky guy Yeah I guess 52 regular Yeah there you go Be real Dave 52 regular

Have you seen Be Real's TV series? Be Real was in Cypress Hill Is that B&B? Where they break it No they break it And break it into bed and breakfast bnb bne premiering this season on a and e and easy

with the ghost of easy the bE. The BV is haunted by Eazy-E. Well, he had HIV. Oh, man. This is some good podcasting. So, anything. So, A-Team's in town. That's keeping you busy. That's good. Twilight.

They're filming the third one? Third one. Have you met Mr. Patterson? No, I haven't. But the hangout... I forget what hotel he's staying at. It's probably best that I don't know. I don't think it is because...

It's probably best that you don't know because you would be there every day. Oh, my God. Wait, so they're shooting the third one? They can't stay at the Sutton Place because everybody stays at the Sutton Place. Oh, it's too obvious. So they've got to stay in the Yale town or something.

And their fans are crazy. And their fans are crazy. And their fans are crazy. I thought it was only two. Yeah. Two of them have been made already? Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. But only one was made in Vancouver.

Only one's been released. Oh, only one's been released. And that one wasn't shot in Vancouver. And that one was shot in Oregon, I think. Yeah. But now they're shooting two of them back to back here? Pretty much. Oh, my gosh. Or they had a break of two or three months in between, I think. But now they're shooting two of them back-to-back here? Pretty much. Or they had a break of two or three months in between, I think.

Because What's-Her-Name needed to do the Joan Jett thing. So Teenage Girls is who this franchise... And boys. Teenage boys like it as well? Well, gay boys. Oh, gay or idiotic. Well, I guess there's the goth kids, too, and the emos.

The emos, the homos, they all love him. The skaters, the bloods. They think he's a righteous dude. But, no, I can't imagine a boy being into Twilight. Although they do have some real cutting-edge emo bands on the soundtrack. They do. Yeah? Like what? I'm just going to name things twilight although they do have some real cutting edge emo bands on the soundtrack they do yeah like what oh i'm gonna just gonna name things that i i can't confirm or deny so panic at the

disco shirley vampire weekend must be on one of the is shirley vampire shirley vampire based on the movie shirley vampire the lady goes to goes to Greece Yeah And gets bitten by a vampire She discovers It's like a chick flick Yeah It's like under Under the Tuscan sun For vampires

For vampires Yeah Or fried green tomatoes Or what was the new Oh My life in ruins Yes Oh yeah

Yeah Back to the well My life in Greece Vampire My life in ruins. Oh, yeah. Back to the well. My life in vampire. My life in coffins. My life in coffins. Oh, yeah. Good stuff. What about Dave?

Can you get to know Dave? I guess we kind of got to know Dave. What about you, Graham? Oh. Oh, what? Come on, Dave. What do you got? Maybe Dave's got something to say.

Why are you in a hurry? Like, we don't need to cover a lot of ground. We've covered a lot of ground so far. Okay, sorry. Can I say, I had things last week that were overflowing, but if you want to just gloss over me. I'm sorry, David. I'm sorry. I don't like being in the middle of this lover spat.

Dave. Oh, you called on me um well uh last week i went uh abby and i went to a wedding last weekend yes of my friend gary and uh here comes the bride yeah fat and wide here comes the broom skinny as a broom. Wait, I said broom. And I went to a bachelor party. Yeah. And for the bachelor party, we went to Port Coquitlam. Yeah, Poco.

To a gun range. Oh, yeah, that's right, on Thursday, right? And we shot guns. How was that? Well, it was great. It? Well, it went well. It went well. It's really expensive. Yeah. It's $30 just to show up here.

I've been in Calgary to gun rent. And then they really screw you on the ammo. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what type of gun were you firing? There were about 12 of us. Was yours machine? Oh, and yeah.

Tommy? Those are the varieties they have, right? Machine, Western Tommy. I wanted to shoot the Western gun where you just hit the... Oh, you had to pull the thingy you just hit the hammer back over and over. That would be great. But there was 12 of us, and we got six guns. And there were four pistols.

So revolvers? No, no, no. The kind you put the clip in. The magazine. So like magnums. One was a Walthrip. Walthblitzer.

Walthupupup. One was a Glock. I always liked that one. Easy you would wear. There was a video game. It was James Bond on Nintendo 64. Golden Eye. The Glock was my favorite.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. The Glock's quite a... it's a smaller... I guess. I don't... I'm not a gun aficionado. I don't read gun aficionado. Well, why do you have a subscription to it, then, if you don't read it? We line the parrot cage with it.

Parrot cage. Beautiful. He's a gun aficionado he can't hold them so he just reads about them you feeling lucky so but then they also had a rifle of some kind yeah a rifle

Dave's making very awkward gun holding it was like a banjo. Was it like a pump action rifle? No, it was a... So it wasn't a shotgun type rifle. No, but the sixth gun was a shotgun. Now, why would you go to a firing range and use a shotgun? That doesn't seem like a lot of fun.

Oh, you're wrong. You like the kick. A lot of kick. A lot of kick. like a lot of fun. Oh, you're wrong. You like the kick. A lot of kick.

A lot of kick. But I thought you go to a range to try and fire at a target, but a shotgun just blows the target up. And how is that not fun? Oh, I didn't say. I guess I wasn't measuring fun level. It just seemed like a weird thing to do at a fire ring. Logic level. But none of us had ever fired a shotgun before, or most of us

hadn't. It's a better thing to do in the future when robots have overtaken us. It's my only weapon. It's the only gun that will pierce their metal bodies. Yeah, exactly. Abby knows these things. I've read Isaac Asimov. I know what's happened. Most of us hadn't

shot a gun before, so they give us a... And it's remarkably easy to go and shoot a gun here You don't need a gun license You just need to be of age or whatever Yeah, and you need to be Watch them demonstrate for five minutes Way too fast Yeah, but that was like

That's the same one So you're going to want to push the mag release? What's the mag release? Just push it. Don't not push it. Otherwise, it's a blow up in your hand. But also, all these guns have mag releases in different places. Yeah, of course.

So you didn't have like they do when you parachute? You have a trainer on your back. You didn't have a guy hugging you? Pulling the gun with you. Pulling the gun with you. You want to keep your legs shoulder with the part your hips loose keep your hips loose so yeah most of us were very timid about it and they're like all right well go ahead and everyone's like i i didn't understand any of the

instructions forget everything after step one am i the the most important instruction is uh when you're holding don't aim it at your face. I suppose that is. Always keep it pointing forward. But when you grip the gun, make sure your thumbs aren't up or higher up. Because that will break your thumb. Yeah, and I...

I made the mistake once, and it... The shooty part. The bang-bang. The bang-bang. The back of the bangy part. The bang bang. The bang bang. The back of the bang bang. Yeah. It rockets out while it shoots the...

Thing? Projectile? Yeah. The bullet. Is that right? It rockets out and it really scraped up my thumb. Oh, the kill rocket. Right.

Yeah. That's what you're thinking. But the shotgun was the most fun. Yeah. That's my favorite weapon in Doom. You think you know, person. Because you would shoot. I also stopped playing video games after 1998.

You shoot the pistols, but after four or five people have shot, you can't tell where you hit on the target anymore. But with the shotgun, you just blow it away. No, that's just the weird... Because I've only shot at a firing range twice. One indoor and one outdoor. And once, yeah, I had a rifle. But yeah, it was very, like, it just blew apart the target, which is fun. Don't get me wrong.

I'm not commenting on the fun level. But certainly when you're trying to have, like, some sort of inner contest over who has the most accurate shot. Gotcha. Kind of. But yeah, did you hurt yourself at all? A little bit on the thumb. but it was just very jarring. And there were a bunch of extra bullets left over at the end. So you get to take them home?

No one wanted to impose. But then at the end, I grabbed one gun and just emptied the clip. Usually people would shoot, wait a few seconds, and look around. We all good? It's just so bad. Shoot again. And then I just, I, yeah. Did you ever hold it sideways?

I was kind of tempted to hold it sideways. But also the, you don't really see it in the movies, but the shells. They fly out. The shells fly out. Yeah. Hit you in the face. Typically. One went down my shirt, piping hot.

It's very hot, yes. I was more worried about the shirt than my... Now, to me, it's always been that a bachelor party would be the... It's the last bastion of a thing that, once married, is going to be something that you don't really do as much anymore. So, you know, whatever. So is this a guy who's, now that he's entered into marriage, no more guns?

I don't know. I don't know. This could be the start of a gun-based relationship. Well, he's a pilot. And he used to be, like, a bush pilot. He used to be a bush pilot, and apparently when he... Like, is that slang for he used to be, like, really good in the sack? He's really slang, like, Casanova pilot. No, he was a pilot up north, and apparently when and apparently when he started you mean up in the chest yeah yeah also boobs over the bra

uh really good at feeling girls up uh but he would go up north and apparently his dad gave him a gun to protect him hey you might need might need this. Have one of my guns. Yeah, yeah. That's the crazy thing about, like, because living in the city, having a gun is a pretty strong statement of your lifestyle. Yeah, yeah. But then when the kind of the more remote the area you go to, having a gun is the same thing. It's more and more intense. It's like having a flashlight.

Yeah. You know, like, it's a tool in the toolbox that keeps wild animals away from you alive yeah yeah so yeah like when i was in um i was working the oil patch uh very briefly uh two out of the three guys i worked with had guns in their truck in the glove box i was like we're not that far away from civilization. But still, they just, you know, there's a long drive on the highways. Yeah, well. But this, have you ever been to a bachelor party?

Have I ever been to a bachelor party? Yes. This was my first bachelor party. I've also seen the movie Bachelor Party. It was my first time shooting a gun, and it was my first time going to sammy j peppers oh really yeah night of firsts so this was the first time you'd ever gone to a bachelor party yeah and it was very tame yeah it sounds like it was it was like uh did you guys even get drunk i didn't well you know i did afterwards they did but not everyone stayed for the whole thing and our pilot's supposed to be like notorious wild men?

Like, don't they drink a lot? Yeah. Oh, he drank a lot at Sammy J. Pepper's. Yeah. That's ridiculous. Thing to say. But, oh, yeah, and he dressed up, they dressed him up in like pants and um like a girl's top and these mary janes oh that's pretty good uh so it was very funny when uh when the gun guys were giving us all the demonstration you

could tell that that in their head they were just like fucking fags uh but also uh one thing i forgot that i just now remembered is there was a guy who i think was from some supplier who had his his um briefcase full of full of samples for the people at the gun place and one of them was a target with Osama Bin Laden on it. But it wasn't just his head. It was him on the body of a soldier. So Osama Bin Laden running with a rifle. Coming straight at you. Yeah, you gotta shoot him.

Wow. Yeah, no, i don't actually like i only understand the bachelor party scenario inside of like over in uh europe a lot of times you know if you've got the money or whatever uh you'll go to another country for like a weekend you'll go to rome you'll go to london yeah you'll go somewhere where you can go pretty nuts you know and like my cousin at his bachelor party they um uh they went to a junkyard they were they went they went to junkyard in eastern europe and destroyed a car with sledgehammers right that's pretty great and That's pretty great. And then got really drunk and went out on the town in this foreign city. Weird Estonian city or something.

So I understand that dynamic and also the dynamic of the bachelor party where the guy's going to have sex with somebody who's not his wife or future wife. Everything else, don't... I guess it's just an opportunity to have a party. Or do something like... Some guys do booze cruises. Oh, yeah, booze cruises. Just go around English Bay for three hours

and get shit-faced with all their buddies. There's a company in Vancouver called The Bachelor Plan. Ooh, hey, I want to work for them. I'm intrigued. And they are a They're real estate agents. It's a three hour

seminar that you have to go to. But they I've heard their ads on the sports station in town and so I went to their website and it was all like, they have these bachelor plan girls who will give you massages and they will deal you blackjack or poker.

Or handjobs. Yeah, yeah. Blackjack with a happy ending. 21! And on the webpage, they're adamant about not showing you their pictures. Oh, you can't preview the girls? Yeah. Well, what's the point? I don't know. I don't pictures. Oh, you can't preview the girls? Yeah. Well, what's the point?

I don't know. I don't know. Oh, weird. Yeah, but I like, I don't know, because the last one that I went to, we went go-karting, and I hurt my neck because I got rammed into it. A whiplash.

Yeah, and then we went drinking. But I was like, I thought that there's... I don't know, it doesn't feel like a bachelor party unless there's some sort of sad nudity. It doesn't feel like a... It ain't no fun if my homies can't have none. Get none? Yeah. My anaconda don't want none.

So should we get to know you now? Is that how things go? Sure. That's the way love goes. I, um... Oh, last night, I... You know Trevor Boris? Tibor. Yeah, Tibor we call him. Yes.

He's a Canadian comedian, for anyone who doesn't know. Yeah, and also kind of the way that he's made his Canadian kind of fame here. He's on a show on Much Music

where they play a music video and then he makes fun of him and a cast of comedians. It's a very VH1 kind of concept of show. They're talking heads. Right. Yeah, yeah. So he's gotten

quite popular. The Comedy Festival is on in Vancouver right now. So he's recording his DVD here. He did two shows last night. And I, the whole time leading up to it, I thought, oh, you know, he's coming to town

he he has a friend who works for a production company it's gonna be a camera yeah there's gonna be maybe two or three cameras involved and then it'll be uh i i didn't really know why he was shooting him here in vancouver because he's not based here right uh but you know it was part of the festival and the cult has just reopened and it's gorgeous. The Vancouver East Cultural Center. But now it's called The Cult. Well. They've renamed it. Okay.

But it's like the theater itself looks the same, but the add-on stuff is really, really nice. Anyways. They had very uncomfortable seats there, I remember. Yeah, they're still the classic as far as I know. Oh, they haven't changed the seating, okay. I don't think so. They look like the old

seats unless they re- What are the add-ons? There's a whole other theater. Oh, okay. There didn't used to be much of a backstage. There was just kind of like one room. Yeah. And now there's like a whole...

You go up to a whole other floor and there's several dressing rooms. But this... I walked in. This was way fucking bigger. Like there was a full production company that makes concert videos. Like last year they won a Grammy for a concert video they made. They've made things for The Who. What did they win the Grammy for?

I guess Frank Zappa's kid did a huge – Zappa or whatever it's called. Yeah, yeah. And they made that. They did it in Portland and Seattle. Anyway, so there's like 25 crew on this. And there's like six or seven cameras and a full sound guy and a director and a stage man how many of the crew members uh had cell phones in cell phone holders on their

belt oh at least half okay yeah um i it was very much uh like they were all super friendly guys and i knew one of them from film school and another one from just working around in film industry. So I knew people, but also there was kind of that through line of all those rock crew guys are like the rock crew guy from Wayne's World 2. They all have an element of that guy. But it was a way bigger... It was... Because I just... It was a production.

Yeah, when I hear DVDs... Like, most of the DVDs you buy from a comic are going to be shot at a comedy club with maybe one camera, maybe two for cutaways. Maybe two if you're lucky.

Yeah. This was lit. They were shooting it in HD. Wow. There was a makeup person. That's big time stuff. Well, yeah, especially like I went down there and I was, you know, I didn't, like I was just the opening act, you know?

But then like they made me do like, I guess what an opening act would do. Hey, I need you to clap. I had to do all that stuff. Yeah. So it wasn't like, I thought I was just going out and telling some jokes. Just doing your time. And then I had to go up and cheerlead and stuff like that. You have to vamp.

You have to vamp. Yeah, vamping. Did you ever, at any point, did you say, I can't hear you? Lame. I did something in that. Over. Did you do anything? Left side.

Yeah, I did. I think you're going to do better. Because they said I need you to do that. Did you do the Hulk Hogan thing where he holds his hand to his ear? I basically did, because when they said to do that, I was like, I've never done that before in my life. So then I did. I just

mimicked all the times that I had seen other people do it. Nice. And it works. Like all you have to do. It's very Pomo of you. Huh... It's very pomo of you to do an impression of somebody doing an impression of somebody doing an impression. Is that Maurice Povich? Yeah. No, that's Mopo. It's weird for the sake of weird. So, yeah, I did that last night, but it was just

it was very strange because, like, you know when your expectations shift completely. Like, I really thought it was going to be. Well, see ya. Yeah. All right.

And then I was out in the alley and I recognized this guy because the Wise Hall is right across the alley from the Colts. And there was a big burlesque show going on there. And he said, hey. The only kind of burlesque show. You gotta have it. It's gotta be huge. And so he said, hey, if you want to come over after and watch the show.

I'll show you my pasties. Come on over. Yeah, we got pasties galore. Some sexy ladies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like tattoos? And I saw a great, like a really good number. Like an old time, time there was multiple dancers and it was to the

Adam Sandler song Lunch Lady Land. And it was this lady and she came out and she was dressed like a lunch lady and she was lip syncing to the part and then there was like all these dancers came out in food

costumes. Sexy food? Yeah, well, some were sexy food, some were less sexy. The pizza was very sexy. And then they acted out the song. It was so... Chicken breasts. That's awesome. She had a spatula that was on one side.

It was a spatula. And then when you flipped it over, it was like a glittery glam guitar. Wow. Yeah, it was outstanding. It was the best. all the other numbers were very you know they were good but they were just hey and then she takes off her clothes and that's the end of the day she takes off most of her clothes and then you can well but then you can ballpark oh yeah well you know where the nipples are they're covered in glitter and gold sparkles

the the lunch lady land where all the food came out on stage it was like uh like an old-timey hollywood musical or something it was great so so an instructional video an old-timey is that what i yeah what did i say i don't know um so yeah that's that's uh that was kind of the highlight i I think, of my week. I got to do another thing tonight. I hope it's not a weird expectation buster again. I did that show last night that you're doing tonight. It'll be fine. Yeah. Well, the lunch lady's not going to be there.

I want to get in touch with this lunch lady land lady. That's a number. It's a performance to remember. Yeah. For the good ways. Yeah, exactly. If I was taping a DVD, that's performance to remember. Yeah. For the good ways. Yeah, exactly. If I was taping a DVD, that's how I would end it. That was the thing, though.

If you were taping a DVD and a huge production company was involved, wouldn't you go that extra level and have dancers come out at the end or something? We don't know how expensive these dancers are. It could be price prohibitive. You think so? I doubt it. I think there's more dancers. I think I could have my pick of the litter. I want to be on a DVD.

Yeah. Hey, you ladies want to be on a DVD? It's not porno. I promise. It's barely porno. The only porno bit is you. That would be a good ad in the trades. It ain't porno. It's not a porno. The only porno bit is you. That would be a good ad in the trades. It ain't porno. It's not a porno.

We promised. That was Arnold Schwarzenegger's line, wasn't it? It's not a porno. I do a great. I do impressions. Do you want to move on to overheards? I think that's the word. Yeah. Overheard. overheard i think that's the word yeah overheard all right uh overheards uh pretty self-explanatory i'd say this point this point 81 in yeah um abby would you like to lead the charge sure i have a couple all right so i have

one where i was at i think i was probably running to max oh i was there were you there i was inside max and you told me it after i got out and i was so mad because i never get to hear good over hurts so there is there is a two skitty types yeah yeah right yeah it's east It's East Van, it's Max. Skid, comma. And it was a woman and a teenager, I think, or a younger guy, and all I heard was, what? Didn't she just get out of jail for stabbing that guy? She's already stabbing another guy?

Or is it the same guy? Oh, maybe the same guy, yeah, yeah. And she was just like, like, oh, did she just... Not again. Or she's back in jail for some other thing. Stabbing charge. Stabbing Kathy.

Also a nickname. Yeah, we call her Stabbing Kathy. Do you want to do another one or do you want to go around the circle? Let's come back. Let's share the love. Dave, what do you got? What do you got for us?

Okay. I like your shirt. Thanks. It's a linen cotton blend from the good folks at Banana Republic. A Lycott blend. Here's what this is. In comedy. Yes.

I'm glad I signed up for this course well when you make like when you're doing your act and people leave like when a whole table leaves you say I walked a table so I just want to get the terminology down about walking and then yo-yoing

when the yo-yo goes out you walk the dog uh we uh this comedy class is a great way to spend a saturday afternoon and to meet people learn so much yeah uh well we talked last week about how the at bumbershoot the shows that i was doing uh the show that i did was in the afternoon it was at three in the afternoon. It was at three in the afternoon. And so there would be families there. Yes. And there was a one o'clock show before my show. And I was backstage during their show. Right. And this guy got off stage. And I guess he'd been a little too dirty. Because he said, I walked a whole family and it was right before I was going to go clean. So he opens with the filthy thing to lure them in.

Yeah, to make them stay. And then he ends with the clean stuff to make them happy. Yeah, I like it. I'll ask you the question. Was it a guy down in Seattle? Yeah. You haven't overheard yeah i uh i was involved in this exchange um of course this week uh was the week dominated by kanye west oh yes easy mr west mr west yeah and he took a young Taylor Swift, her moment away from her.

Some people wait a lifetime. Yeah, and it was on Monday morning. I was talking to somebody at the TV station, and I said, did you hear about that Kanye West thing? Because it was the water cooler. It was the next day. And the guy obviously hadn't

seen it, but had gleaned a little bit of it. Said something happened about him. But instead of just saying that, decided to go full bore into the conversation, missing huge pieces of fact. And he said, well,

I don't think it's right that he took her award away. I was like, that's not what happened at all. That's not what the controversy is. He stole her award. And kicked her. Yeah, so I just thought that was funny that instead of going,

oh, I don't really know. Him going, well, I have an opinion, and it's this crazy one that you didn't see know. Oh, what happened? Yeah, him going, well, I have an opinion. And it's this crazy one that you didn't see coming. I just made up right now. Although I agree with him. Yeah. I mean, that'd be pretty awful if he did.

Had he done that. Yeah. He took the award out of her hands, handed it to Beyonce. Yeah. Threw it at Beyonce, who died on sight. Then he beat Taylor Swift with a skateboard. That's what I heard. I don't know where that comes into the story.

He beat her with Pink's harness. Pink was really trying to gaga it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gaga's really, she, I was chatting. She's amazingly consistent. You gotta give her props. And I give her props. As much as I don't like it,

I can appreciate her consistency with her. Alicia Tobin calls her the Andy Kaufman of pop music. Hey, that's all right. And I'm inclined to agree. That's all right. It's not bad. I feel like she's just trying really hard for attention. Does that strike you guys?

Well, no, but I think all the pop stars are. I was going to say everybody does that. I know they are. She's just doing it in a crazy way. Right? Of course, I was just being an idiot. Come on, guys. It's hard to talk sometimes. You're the Andy Kaufman of this room. Hey, remember

when Lady Gaga used to be crazy just by putting three fingers in front of her face? Yeah. Well, that is kind of the one unfortunate thing about being a Gagaaga is you're gonna have to consistently one up yourself yeah you set the bar pretty high every time you get out of a car i mean well she didn't set the bar too high with the three fingers for herself for herself no but now i mean the last live performance before this she had a bra that was rigged with sparks that would shoot out of it. Then this one, she was covered in blood.

Do you think she's going to kill herself on stage? Is that the only way? She's Gigi Allen? Or Wendy O. Williams? Is that how Wendy O. Williams died? I think she's alive. But she fucked up stuff on stage, that's for sure, including herself.

Wearing little or no clothing. Oh yeah, that's true., including yourself. Wearing little or no clothing. Oh, yeah, that's true. If I was a pop star, and don't say if, when, when I'm a pop star, I'm going to want to quash the rumors about me maybe being a hermaphrodite. Some things, it's not worth commenting. You just let it go. It'll just run out of steam, and it's fine.

But that one? Yeah. I'm willing to bet that... Hey, guys, check this out. It'll just run out of steam and it's fine. But that one? Yeah. I'm willing to bet that... Hey, guys, check this out. I'm going to do Playboy. Your genitals. Yes. I think that there's a good chance she started that rumor. Yeah.

Well, there's a quote that's been attributed to her. But I don't know if it was actually her that said it. Yeah, that's the great thing about her. That's the internet, too. Great thing about the internet. Yeah. She's the internet. Cut and paste that shit so fast.

When I was a kid, I didn't know if Boy George was a boy. Or a George. And that worked for him, but I don't think it works as well for a female. No. Or a she-male. But none of her popularity is based on men wanting to have sex with her. No. Which is an interesting thing in pop music.

It's what maybe women want to have sex with her. I don't even think so. I don't know. I think men want to be her. Yeah. And women want to bang her. And women want to shake her hand. Get their picture taken with it.

Or some sort of hand hat that she's wearing. We are priceless. Yeah. This is a real great podcast. I have a... Ooh, yes. Bookend. Sorry.

Oh, yes. I have my other one. I take the bus to work. Yeah. And home from work. Environmentally friendly of you. And a ton of car. Or a license.

Or a driver's license. But I don't want to guilt Dave into taking because that won't last too long in driving me to work every day. So I take the bus

What if you wore a chauffeur hat? Would that make it more fun for you? If you paid me. And there's a limo and not an Impreza. Not that your Impreza

isn't impressive. You can sit in the back of the Impreza. It's true. And also there's a chance for some workplace romance. Yeah. That'd be pretty good. But anyway, so I take the bus.

I listen to my iPod and I listen to podcasts. Yeah. And it's also my downtime. Sure. Before work, it's my 20 minutes, 15 minutes of just chilling out. And the stress of Dave. Not talking to anybody. Getting over the stress of getting ready and get out of just chilling out not talking to anybody getting over the stress of getting ready and get out of the house and getting ready to start my day and

when i come home it's decompressing and getting ready to go home so i like my bus time and i always have my ipod in even if sometimes i turn it off for overheards sure but i always have my headphones in always and i'm standing at the bus stop, and this guy comes up, and he's maybe in his 40s, mustache, cargo pants, like, I think he looks like a bachelor type, kind of east side,

not skitty, but probably lives in some sort of, like, single occupancy residence, like those hotels and stuff, or, like, subsidized housing or something. And he had a big bag of stinky stinky bottles returning and a lot of people not rinsing out their bottles before they recycle them i can't stress that enough people rinse out your bottles and your cans it stinks up the bus to high heaven

um and so he says something to me like oh nice day today and i you know answer yeah sure and because i've no in mind in this neighborhood if you just be nice people will most likely just leave you alone the weirdos yeah just smile and if you don't say anything and you just smile and you nod then they'll they won't knife you yeah right yeah they won't knife you in the face yeah so i'm just like well well, the fire is over. Are you on face knife? No, it's over. This has turned into very long overheard. But anyway, so I'm talking and he just keeps talking to me and I keep trying to like not really give him too much attention.

And then the bus comes and then I hear him say to himself, oh, great. Now I have someone to talk to on the bus. Oh, no. And I'm like, fuck, no. And of course, he doesn't get off at the bottle recycling that's two stops away. He gets at the bottle recycling that's like 10 stops away. Oh, he just made a friend. Thank you for being a friend.

It was brutal. You used to work at the bottle recycler? No, I used to work at a place next to the bottle recycling place. Yeah, you would think that you would go nearly deaf working next to a place. Clingety-cling-cling, cling-cling, cling-cling. It's when those bottles, when they dump whatever... It's a huge noise. Yeah, it's deafening.

Because I had a friend who did work at a recycling plant, and you, by law, you have to wear like those industrial... Could you buy those industrial headphones that block out all the noise? I don't have any in the industry. You got Home Depot, maybe. No, but I want like...

I want the ones that they have when you land a plane near your head. The ones that I wore when I was at the gun range? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you buy those? I don't know. They're deafening. Like, can you not hear anything?

Basically. Because that's what I want. Because to sleep, I think that's what i want because i'm because to sleep i think that's what i need my dad had a pair for years and he loved him because he worked at a cement plant so he just had them laying around and stuff because there's tons of big machinery and stuff so yeah and he used them all the time i used to have a pair but they were never hey grow a pair yeah um anyways uh anybody wants to know tell your story about your earphones no no you know what i don't think you've earned it um can i oh we have some overseen stuff yeah uh from listeners

okay well we have something from uh somebody named michael i'm gonna say michael It's M-I-E-K-O-L. Michael. It's pronounced Ricola. Oh, yes. This is kind of an overseen that comes with photos. It's, we were bike riding to Steveston for fish and chips when my son, who had stopped for a drink, looked up at the new Olympic Oval in Richmond and said, look at the cock. I knew it was too strong a word for 11 a.m. and corrected him. A dick. Call it a dick. As I looked for what he was pointing to.

He corrected me by offering penis as the alternative, and I knew he was right, but when I saw what he was talking about, it was clear that it was indeed a cock. It's the vein that makes it cocky no matter what the age or time. So have you seen this picture? All right. So that's the new Olympic Oval. Beautiful architecture.

Oh, yeah. Lots of glass. Lots of glass. And this right here, he took a good kind of close-up shot. There it is. Wow. Right in one of the – I'm not sure if that's on the outside. Yeah, holy.

I don't know how it got there. So that's got to be from inside. That's an inside job. That's an inside job. That's an inside job. Oh, yeah. Have we talked about this? When you were a child, what was the word you used for penis?

Oh, probably dink. Dink? Yeah, dink or wiener. In your family? Mine was wiggy. Wiggy. Yeah. We had piener in my house.

Piener? It's a penis and wiener combined. It's a piener. Yeah. Willie, I think maybe when I was a little kid. Yeah, the standard ones. We didn't come up with...

Your own. Like his creative campels. But that's definitely a cock. This is kind of just a – this is from Ashley C. This is a – while we were sitting at a table enjoying our barbecue, the this and that, we happened to overhear this kid, a boy about 10 years old or so, at a table behind us talking to his mom and friend about his two hamsters. And we just happened to catch their names, Yoda and MC Hammer. Awesome.

Those aren't. Those were a child's hamsters? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Maybe it was an adult's hamsters, and he was describing it to his mom's friends. Because a child maybe knows who Yoda is. Although, I guess with the new MC Hammer show. Hammer on Hammer.

That's true, guys. Seriously. Hoarding with Hammer. What's Hammer's show about? Is he a hoarder? They do a weekly intervention for him. He hoards giant pants. You've got to stop wearing those pants.

They call him Stacey and Clinton. That is not proper. For your body type. All right. This is from Dave F. Have you seen the picture? I have, yeah. It's like a Mountie hat.

Yeah, it's a penis. And it has a... But it has kind of like a whale's, like a dolphin mouth. Yeah, it looks like a fish in a hat, but the fish has a scrotum attached. Yeah, it's like a profile of a fish. But it says on it, it says cops. Oh, bad boys, bad boys. Yeah, it's political.

They're penis fish, those cops. Yeah, but that's from a penis fish. Those cops are such penis fish. Man, what a bunch of penis fishes. So that's from Dave F. He took a photo of this. I don't know why I thought it was so funny. A penis wearing a hat.

But you're right. It does look like a fish or a missile with balls. Wearing a Mountie hat. It's really, it's a confused idea. This is Erica L. This is on Main Street in Vancouver, a new falafel place.

I assume they meant freshly squeezed juice, but hey, you never know, it says freshly quizzed juice. Yeah. Brain food. Quizzing. Yeah.

Where were you on the night of... Like freshly interrogated fruit. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I like that. Katie L. writes in, I was in a Kinko's this week and a group of young men walked by me while I was standing in line and one of them said, but what would I do with an armored cardboard box?

It's a valid question. You have important files? Is there such a thing as an armored cardboard box? Maybe he heard the word armored car and just elaborated. Added board box to the end of it. Katie G. from

A lot of Katie's this week. Phoenix, Arizona has a bathroom graffiti that says Big Dumps are all the rage. Yeah, some things never go out of style. Yeah.

These are called-in overheards that people have called into our phone number, 206-339-8328. That's 206-339-TEAT. Okay, Graham and Dave, this is an overheard from Nate from Brooklyn. This occurred in a New York subway car from a guy who had been asleep for the previous 20 minutes of the subway ride. He wakes up all of a sudden with all kinds of pep in his step, and he walks out in the middle to address everyone, and he says, Whoa! Guys, have you heard about Quasim you've heard of quasimodo right

well guess what he's retired he's retired um and then uh i don't know presumably he went off in the next car to uh to tell everyone else this is or some other news i don't know anyway i love the show in i thought there was gonna be, like, he's retired, and then it was going to be like a quasi, like, because he couldn't get over hump day, or, you know, something like that. But I really liked that gentleman's act out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He really embodied the character. He went there. He committed. Good storytelling. Hey, Graham and Dave. This is Nick from California again calling. I have another overheard, which I forgot about. I was mowing my front lawn when a neighbor of mine, which I've never met, walked by.

She was again on the phone. And I guess she was talking about her finances or something, but I overheard her say, don't put him on the account. And in a hushed tone, she said, he's a sinner. So, don't put him on the account. He's a sinner. No sinners. It's as good a policy as any when it comes to finance. Well, we're all sinners. Yeah, it's as good a policy as any when it comes to finance. Well, we're all sinners.

Well, I cast the first stone this morning, so I guess I'm without. Yeah, okay. Is that the rule? By cast the first stone, did you mean you took a dump? Yeah. What does it mean otherwise? The first stone of the day. We are imbeciles.

Hey, stop podcasting yourself. This is currently Mushmouth KT in Minnesota with an overheard. I was in the mall again, and I was in a place where they had those mannequins that don't have heads. You know, they just have the clothes on. But according to Mad Men, season one, it allows the women to visualize the clothes on themselves. And as I was walking through, I overheard a father with his son who's about, you know, three or four years old, just starting to kind of chatter in full sentences.

And I heard the dad say, these have no heads. And the little boy started chanting, no heads, no heads. And it was really kind of eerie. Anyway, that's all. Bye. Sounds like something from a horror movie. Like you'd be walking down the corridor of the hospital and you would just hear kids.

No heads. And you look around and there the corridor of the hospital and you would just hear kids. No heads. And you look around and there's no kids. Yeah, and no heads. And then a whole bunch of blood comes rushing down the hallway. Have you seen those mannequins? We saw them in Asia that just have the crazy faces. The ones that like, they look

like a cartoon. Yeah, they look like a ventriloquist puppet head. Kind of. Like scary. Yeah. Freaky. You know what's weird? Because she said that that was from Do you guys watch Mad Men? Do you think there will ever be a show that reflects

an era that we will be able to look back on and go, oh yeah, that's accurate. I feel like we don't have a lot as 90s up that would make a very good hour-long drama. Yes? No? I don't think we have the hindsight to see that yet, Graham.

Oh, okay. I think we're too in the moment. We're too busy living. Have they tried a 90s flashback show? They've had 70s and 80s, and the 80s didn't last long. That 80s show. That was a show. Yeah.

That 80s show, yeah. It had Kyler Lee. Who's that? Dave likes her. She was the main actress in Not Another Teen Movie. Oh. She was on the last season

of ER. She's on Grey's Anatomy. She plays Little Grey. Oh, maybe it was Grey's Anatomy. She plays Little Grey. Oh, maybe it was Grey's Anatomy. She plays Little Grey. Little Grey. Baby Grey. Baby Grey.

That's what my mom used to call me. We've got one more overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Jim from Cleveland, Ohio. I have an overheard for you. There's a dry cleaning place locally here that it's called $1.50 Cleaners, right? And there's a big sign up front that says that, and it's been that way for years. Well, I guess during this wartime economy, this global economic collapse,

they've had to raise their prices, right? So they changed it on the sign. Now it's $1.75 cleaners. No big deal, right? So I go there this morning, and it's probably been that way for about a month or so. And I go there this morning, and this guy pulls up in the car next to me just as I'm getting out. And he looks up at the sign, and he's got some clothes in his hand. And he kind of looks over at me, and he's just like, what the fuck?

And he just, like, throws his big tantrum, like, gets in the car and drives off really angry. Because apparently that was quite a big deal for him. Yes, it was in his mind. What a nice sense. I have four items. It's a dollar. Oh, man. Whoa. Oh, that's over 100 cents. 25 cents? I have four items. It's a dollar. Oh, man. Oh, that's funny.

It's always funny to me when people raise their prices with no thought towards aesthetic whatsoever. Static whatsoever, you know? So, like, if something was $1.99, instead of just going the distance and moving it up to $2.99, they move it up to, like, $2.43 or some really odd number. Have you ever seen that at, like, a coffee shop or whatever? Like, they've figured out how much it'll be with tax. So then it's, like, all these really kind of wonky numbers. Am I the only one that's had this? No, I've seen that. It's weird when you go to a dollar store

and things aren't a dollar. Yeah, it makes me so mad. And you're like, oh, so you just mean the prices are in dollars? Isn't that every store then? Down in the States, when they say dollar store, it's pretty... Accurate. They tow that line.

And it's the stuff that they have in there like at the difference between what a dollar store is in canada and this is only based on a couple cities i've been to in america but the difference between a dollar store here and a dollar store there is their dollar store is overflow stock from but from regular regular stores. A whole bunch of other regular stores. Gotcha. But in Canada, it's just crap. They get their own shit. It's just garbage stuff. It's melanin in a bottle.

Shipped from China. Yeah. In bulk. Yeah, it's like streamers and ashtrays. Nothing that you'd need. But in the States, you could buy all your groceries. You could conceivably for 30 you could buy how many items is that what am i a mathematician a math magician thank you um so where do we go

from here we've got some zingers sure and we don't why not why not do that no we don't have a uh a theme song or anything for this because it was literally just brought up a week ago or maybe the week before. It's not sticking around. No, probably not. But I think it's really – Day eight segments. It's neat that we got the response that we did for it. This is from –

Now explain what it is. Oh, sorry. Okay. Yeah. So in everyday life, if you had an opportunity – and it's kind of – the responses that we got from it weren't exclusively this. They kind of fell under an umbrella of classic old-timey jokes. But my example was when I was at a party and somebody was leaving and the guy was offering people rides. And one guy said to the guy offering the ride, can you take my wife?

And I yelled out, please, because it's that old timey joke. And then we had another example from a week ago. I can't remember. Someone said something about not getting any respect. Right. So this is Mo A. Wrote, one day a friend of mine got married at her family's cottage a couple hours outside Toronto. All of our friends attending the wedding rented a nearby cottage together for the week. One day we went down to the town to get typical cottage supplies, food, firewood, etc., and split up into several teams to do whatever.

At one point we stopped and caught up on what we'd accomplished. A friend approached our car, which contained four people, and said, We went to the butcher and baker. My friend and I in the backseat of a car yelled in unison, And the candlestick maker. Simultaneously followed by both of us cheering, Yay! Followed by the four of us cheering and clapping,

followed by our friend outside the car saying, You guys are assholes. So that's a good quick zing, right? Nobody got hurt. It's funny. This is from John N. There was a guy around a bunch of his friends being a typical macho tough guy, and we were talking. Yeah, like Dave.

I sarcastically asked him, who do you think you are? He replied, I'm the shit bitch. I responded, oh, so you're the shit bitch. Everyone laughed. People still call him shit bitch. Nice. That's a pretty good zing. Macho Dave style guy.

It's not an old timey thing by any stretch. It's a good zing, though. But it's a good zing. You've been zung. Yeah, you got zing. Can we start a show just called Zung? Yeah. And I think on the title itself.

Only, only, only if we can get uh ashton kutcher no uh the other guy from that 70s oh wilmer valderrama yes will devon can it be in like lightning font did you ever see wilmer valderrama hosting your mama your mama yeah yes i did. Many times. He wasn't acting on that 70s show. He really hadn't mastered English enough to host a TV show. Oh, do you think so? Oh, yeah. It's not perfect, that's for sure. It's imperfect.

It's past perfect. He can get around, okay? He's all right. He can date a 16-year-old Lindsay Lohan, okay? Yeah, no doubt about it. Did he date Mandy Moore, too? I hope not. Maybe not.

This is from Kurt S. This isn't a zinger, but it is a classic old-timey joke come true. I grew up on a farm, and one time I stepped on a rake. It came up and hit me right in the nose, just like in cartoons. Let me tell you, it really hurts. I assumed it would. It would. It came all the way from Virginia.

I assumed when he said he worked on a farm He was going to talk about a salesman going to town And his dad being like Well you can do anything But don't have sex with my daughter Or don't stick your dick in these holes Right That's the other thing

We have one called in Zinger Hey stop podcasting yourself this is audrey from portland maine um my roommate's cat um is in heat and uh she's kind of walking around the house making terrible noises oh i'm calling you with the zinger by the way um just to preface with that and uh she's walking around and, as I like to say, kind of flirting with all of the furniture. And somebody came by and was like,

what's going on with your cat? And my roommate was like, oh, she's just looking to get some. And I said, oh, yeah, that cat will screw anything that doesn't move. So that's my zinger. Baboom! Anything without a pulse. Pretty great. I like to expand that into just if anybody has any perfectly placed zingers.

Yeah, sure. Because I really enjoy it. We want to buy them off you. Yeah. Call in to 206. For our show, Zung. Starring Wilder Zungdorama. 206-339-8328.

Fan mail? Oh, yeah. For listeners who are new to the podcast, Abby does work at a high-powered talent agency. Yes. She's the devil she wears bra yeah she works for ari gold um and uh and the devil in the past gold satan production it's satan gold gold satan and beelzebub how may i direct your call um and uh a couple times on the podcast you've brought on mail from crazies

yeah fan mail we have a theme song for fan mail I don't like it but I remember it hit it fan mail alright so I have a couple here. Did we mention you work for Ari Gold? Yes, we did.

Ari Gold, Satan, and Beelzebub. Yeah, so there's been a bit of a dry spell, but then I got two in one week recently. Nice. I had to photocopy them and take them home forever, so I keep them forever. This is one. It's from a man in France to a young lady actress. To a lady actress client. to a young lady actress.

To a lady actress client. To a young lady client. Please would Miss Blank's secretary's office be so kind as to give her this letter to personally, underline personally, as it is essential for her to be acquainted with what follows. I live in France. I'm 52 years old. I'm married and the father of three children. Nice. My children got me watching your show, and you have superb performances.

I admire your lovely smile, your thoughtfulness. You are endowed with great charm and genuine purity! But I would warn you against a danger underlined that is threatening you. Actually, you must keep in mind that some apparently smooth-tongued friendly people will first try to get you into making sexy photos, and then even more nudes and naked love scenes in films. Smooth tongues. Please never do that. I read in a magazine that when you presented yourself to make photos,

you hadn't been informed that it was for sexy photos. It was thus a fake. That is dishonest right from the beginning. The magazine says you were very uneasy and you even cried. That is quite normal as this reveals your soul's protest. Your soul knows deep down within her that this is not a good thing.

But you were undoubtedly reassured with nice words to put you at ease, to loosen you up and so on. But all these hollow words had only one purpose. To get your nudity. Go on, get it. Those who urge you into doing so do not respect your dignity as a woman.

They don't care about serving your body up for consumption of millions of men. That is a bit like rape. Whoa. Yeah, he went there. Yeah, he's French. Please do keep your freshness and purity. You are a very talented, pretty lady that should be quite enough to ensure your artistic career.

Ask your parents about what I've been telling you. Oh, yikes. Hey, Mom and Dad, do you know this guy? And then he included... They'll be like, was it Francois from France? Yeah, we told them to write you. And then he included one page of pictures where it's just all just lovely just normal press junket pictures or or just or maybe stills from her dvds where she just looks very normal and this was something he said this is yes and it said millions of men enjoy watching you like

this and it's just her lovely pictures yeah and then on the next page but definitely not like that all in capital letters and it's's beautiful. She's not naked. She's got clothes on. She's just showing some leg. I mean, she's a beautiful girl. Yeah, come on, Gaga. Don't show your scrote. And he was very offended that she would even do moderately sensual. By today's standards.

Pretty tame. And she has, you know, the actress doesn't do nudity and stuff like that. So it's not like she's ever, ever slept or even had a nip slip. Wait a minute. This guy, is that a picture of him? Yes. Yes, I believe it is. He also included a picture of himself.

FYI, I'm pretty handsome. I'm a handsome French man. He's not bad. I didn't see the picture. I'm just assuming he's handsome. Oh, hey, when he says, I shall pray God Almighty, pray is spelled P-R-E-Y. It's a nice way to end it.

Yeah. To catch a God predator. Alright. And then I have a second one, and I think it was written, this is from a different actress, and I think it was written in German, because this woman's from Germany, but then translated through Babelfish?

Yeah, why do people think that last one wasn't translated very well either? But this is like... What is translated through Babelfish? Is that like the Google translator? It's the AltaVista translator. I've just been using it for a very long time

apparently. It's the only thing AltaVista is used for anymore. I've always been using it for a very long time, apparently. It's the only thing AltaVista is used for anymore. I've always just used the Google translator. Is it inferior to the AltaVista translator? I think they're probably about the same. Babblefish has more of a reference to

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. A thing that I can speak into and it just automatically translates my voice into another language. 25th century. That seems late. Come on. Come on. When's it going to come out as an iPhone app? I'm guessing six months? No.

Two years. Two and a half years. See, this could be an episode of a future Mad Men. Where we're talking about like, when is that going to happen? And then it happens like six months down the road. We were wrong yeah we're an extinct we're a species on the way out you got zung it's in common parlance now because of wilmer yeah send in our zungs we need to stockpile because wilmer needs We're going to need him for the 25th century. Wilder Brown around is sung.

So back to the family. I'm just going to read parts of it because it's like four pages long like single spaced. That's nice. People make time.

And she goes into like her whole life story. Sure. Who wouldn't want to? There's a website that will translate I forget what they call it. Yeah.

You write something and it translates it i think into japanese and back to english and back to japanese and back to english and it'll do it over and over until it reaches like the same thing an equilibrium and it stops uh changing uh and then it makes hilarious english yeah and probably hilarious japanese used to do that on cbc radio they would take a like a famous quote of the day they would run it through a translator and then they would take what the translation was and they would run that through a translator back to english again and see what they had to figure out which what quote it was okay it was a very good saying yeah hats off song lyrics i remember

maybe you know what Justin Timberlake ones years ago. They were really funny. This was when he brought Sexy back. It was before that, wasn't it? It was his first album, wasn't it? Sexy brought him back. I don't know. Sexy was dung-brung. Yeah, Sexy had sex with...

Okay. Alright, so this lady from Germany says, I began a teaching after it as a retail merchant in the area, lady fashions, nylons, lady shoes, lady odors, lady jewelry,

and lingerie. Lady odors. Okay. Goodbye those. Retail merchant of lady odors. Just say you work in the women's department. You don't need to say. No, lady odors.

And then. You smell something? You smell what the rock is cooking? At the same time I met Ava That was for me much more than only a good girlfriend With your full support and your assistance I dared in the age of 21 years As a lesbian to a parent With her support? The actresses?

I'm guessing I don't think she knew of this woman as lesbian to a parent. With her support? The actresses? I'm guessing. I don't think she knew of this woman. Yeah, she had nothing to do with it. Because she looks in her 40s in the picture, maybe 30s. Did she send a picture as well? Yeah.

She's wearing a shawl. Yeah, oh, she is too. That seems like a strange calling card. If I was sending a crazy letter, I wouldn't send a photo. Yeah, I'd send a photo of a handsome guy. I'd send a photo of Dave. All right. So there's more.

I covered the fans fashion. I don't know what fans she's talking about or what maybe actual fans like to circulate air. I don't know. Sure. I covered the fans fashion and advertising chart as well as inside architecture, but didn't complete and stopped in the middle, in there, because 1996, my wife, Marina, in quotation marks. My wife? My wife.

I knew you couldn't resist. Marina. Moron. I can't explain it. So, my wife, Marina, through the blame of a smashed motorist, deadly unsuccessful. Oh. Oh, no. So I'm guessing that.

Smashed motorist. Through the blame of a smashed motorist, deadly unsuccessful. Okay. Well, that's confusing and tragic. And she goes on about being a woman and how much this actress inspires her because she always plays the empowered roles. Even that. Even sure that's not true because she does horror movies and weird stuff where she's the helpless.

Horror movies is what you said, right? Horror movies. This is a porno. Oh, she's a porno. Yeah. But listen to this. She has some sort of ailment. This woman has some sort of illness.

Abby, I don't want to make fun of this person. Yeah, this should turn around to something. Lady Odors was great, but does it get very sad at the end? No, she's totally fine. Okay, great. She just has, like, chafing. Yeah. I have also pains, but I don't wail and doesn't have undergotten me.

Make from the best every day and endure it like a Native American. Oh, okay. All right, yeah. She uses every part of the animal. A Native American knows no pain and quotation marks, weed doesn't pass. I don't know what that means.

Oh, well, because she doesn't dull the pain with barbiturates. Or I was going to say the ailment is like a weed that is trying to dull her pain like barbiturates. Or she was gonna say the ailment is like a weed that is trying to dull her pain like barbiturates. Or she was writing to a star of weeds. Yeah. Gotcha. About how it dulls her pain. Do you represent the

Kevin Neal? We wish. I am not alone, however. I live in a three-wife, multiple resident apartment with me, three, and eight cats. Men free zone. men must remain outdoors admit women only and cats and also cats and this was where from uh where from where from that's very good to say it that way actually yeah so this germany where from yeah and then you know I asked you for

this autograph therefore because very much cares me about you and I wanted to leave it know you simply once that you and me always are real and maintains loyal fans and I are no stalker and also none paparazzo is

I am none paparazzo is. I am non-paparazzo is. Non-paparazzo is. Good closer, lady. That's a lady from Germany. That must be rough, not knowing anyone who speaks English who you can trust to read your crazy letter. You want to proofread this for me? I want to say that I

am a paparazzi, and I am a stalker. I just wanted to get that across. Also, men are allowed in my cats. So, okay, I think we're nearing...

We're in the homestretch now. Before we wrap up, we're in the home stretch now. Before we wrap up, we were going to make a plug that we are doing somewhat of a live podcast. Last week we said it would be on Saturday at 1. It is not. It is a paparazzo not. Yeah, Wesley Snipes told us we're at an address that changes all the rules. So now we're... At 1600? Yeah, Wesley Snipes told us we're at an address that changes all the rules. So now we're at 1600? Yeah. It's happening at 1600. There's a murder there. Okay, so we are doing

a live podcast but it's very much we're not so certain about all the details. We are yeah, like we're not certain if the person that we're supposed to have is we've been told that it's all above board, but you never know with these things. Schedules can shift.

I'm trying not to get too excited as a fan. We thought this person would be available on the Saturday, but it turns out this person is leaving town that day. Yes. So we rejigged it. We rejigged it. It's going to be on a Thursday at 3.30 in the afternoon. So if you're a high school age

student and you've got that last period off. Or a job that doesn't care if you're at your desk after 3. That's true. So yeah, if you're downtown, it's at the Westin Grand downtown. In the elevator. We don't know exactly where it is. In the loading dock.

If you get there before 3.30, you should be able to sniff it out. We will be there. It's a live show. We have no idea if people are going to show up. We don't know if our guests will be there. It will be free, and it will be fun. It'll be fun. We can almost guarantee fun.

Almost. Almost. Almost. And also, if you're listening to this podcast and it's a... Okay, so that's Thursday the... Just let me get the date first. The 23rd. Fourth. The 24th.

Thursday the 24th at 3.30 at the Westin Grand, downtown Vancouver. See us and a special mystery guest who may be there. And also we're on shows, I think, that weekend. Dave, you're at the Media Club. On the 25th at 7pm with Maria Bamford and John Doerr

and Phil Hanley and Kelly Dixon. That's a great show. You can find tickets at comedyfest.com. Great. Also, if you want to clear up the information about our live podcast, it's on ComedyFest.com as well.

I have shows. I don't remember where they are. They'll be on the website, though. It's of very little significance. They're not, I don't think. I don't think my name's anywhere on the website. I don't think so I don't think my name's anywhere on the website. I don't think so. You've already done like three shows for the Comedy Festival. Yes.

As an opening act, all three times. Well, you haven't really made it yet. I haven't? I thought I had. Sorry. Oh. If you're from the city that your Comedy comedy festival is in you're nothing you're a garbage oh so but if i went to another city i'd be if you went did like montreal halifax oh yeah

i'd be top drawer you'd be yeah oh yeah my confidence was going through the floor there yes it's not you no dave told me i was replaceable on the way over here still we do have a cardboard cut it of you. We do have lots of recordings of your voice. I'm sure we could patch together. That's true, yeah. You guys could kill me and nobody would know. Sexy robot.

My favorite way of ending off the podcast with guests who haven't participated in the segment before is, Abby, do you have something now or in your recent past that you enjoyed that was definitely, it was for kids, but you knew you were too old for it, but you still enjoyed it?

Actually, I just thought of another thing. Do we have a theme song for this? Strangely enough. We don't, actually. Oh, really? Should we? We have one. Oh, we do? Sorry. Sorry. You're too old for... sorry forget it morons you're a moron i'm so mad at you i don't like this new attitude i got a new attitude you've got a fox attitude like dr laura anyway so i have two and strangely enough they're both japanese in origin. Okay. Sure. I just love things that are Japanese.

I'm obsessed by things that are from Japan and so one of them when I was Godzilla. When I was probably 16, 17 I watched a lot of

Power Rangers. So yeah, you were too old for that. I was too old for that but I really liked it. I mean, I realized it was stupid. Like I didn't like

actually like really like get into it but it was stupid. I didn't actually really get into it. Favorite Power Ranger? Say my tool, Tyga. I always find it was funny that... Was he the white guy? No, they made the yellow one a girl, first of all. In the Japanese one, it was definitely a man who was the yellow one. But she was the Asian one.

But she was the Asian one. Tina? I want to say Tina. Tina, Trina. Tina, Trina, Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, so I liked that. And then when I was in university, so I was in my 20s, for a short while I had a lusty love affair with Digimon.

Digital monsters. Yeah. Digimon are the champions. That was followed Pokemon. That was post-Pokemon. Yeah, pocket monsters. Yes, Digimon are the champions. That was followed Pokemon. That was post-Pokemon. Yeah, pocket monsters. Yes, and I loved Agumon, who was a little dinosaur. He was like a little T-Rex with a giant head and big, big green eyes, and he was adorable.

And you watched that. And I loved Agumon. Did you collect any Agumon? He had a little cat that was evil, and he was with the bad guys. Oh, Team Rocket. They were the bad guys. And I watched them every day. And now nothing falls in that category?

You're all grown up? I think I'm okay for now. Good for you. I mean, you really should have grown out of Tyra by now. Well, you've got me there. Hey, do you want to hear my... This is my thing that I've been thinking, that Tyra is to women what the

man show was to men okay did you think that that's an apt sure analogy yeah like no one really buys into it wholeheartedly unless no like it's kind of entertaining and it's mostly a caricature yeah like i don't think that tyra but all the subject is kind of the gaudy Anyways, I want to get into that on the next episode That's a good, I think that's a good There's a meat on that bone Entry point But yeah, so do, as Dave said If you're available on Thursday at 3.30pm

You got nothing else going on with your life? Hey, you look relaxed If you have something else going on Blow it off This is going to be good Blow that shit off. Probably. Or not.

Yeah, we make no promises. But if you enjoyed the podcast, thank you very much for being our guest. Oh, thank you for having me. Thanks for making time. Thanks for sitting on the couch in here instead of on the couch out there. Yeah, if you enjoyed the podcast,

please tell your friends. Again, we do. We have stoppodcastyourself.com, and you can email us stoppodcastyourself.com or at gmail.com. And if you want, if you're a purist, go to stoppodcastyourself.blogspot.com. Yeah, the new website just mirrors the recaps on the old old one but the new website also has tons of new content tons it's got a new attitude yeah um and some snazzy graphics she made dave yeah good graphics and the phone number to call us is 206-339-8328 and uh yeah do come back next week uh we've got we're we're lining up some good out-of-town guys

from the comedy festival, so there will be some interesting, fun guests in the coming weeks. And tell your friends, come back again for another edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Thank you.