Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 812 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Improviser Nicole Passmore returns to talk birthdays, legal dreams, and bulk candy.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 812 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who we concluded a discussion before we started recording about how NSYNC made their last song together and I never realized that until just now, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, you know what, I'm wrong about that. It was, it was their last album.

It was the song pop, uh, but the lyrics were all about how they're never going away. And then they went away pretty quick after that. It's a, yeah, it's odd that they didn't continue touring kind of like, you know,

Allah, the beach boys or something like that. Like, uh, you know, one of them took over singing Justin's parts. Oh, yeah. I get like a, well, I think it was that thing of their fans were embarrassed to be their fans because their fans were adults. But give them a few years and they'll go on a boat cruise.

And oh, yeah, absolutely. I think Backstreet Boys have been on a tour. Or like, sorry, a cruise. Yeah, that's 100% what I'm talking about. And you even watched the documentary about it. That was about the new kids on the block. That was about the new kids on the block? Yeah.

Oh, my God. But NSYNC's back. They got a song on Trolls. They got a song on the new yeah oh my god um but uh nsync's back they got a song on trolls they got a song on the new trolls soundtrack news as we all know the new trolls movie is about how branch justin tibberlake's character reunites with his boy band brothers uh who i gotta assume are played by nsync uh and we're not the only ones that have opinions about this. Our guest this week, returning guest of the podcast, one of our all-time favorites. She hosts a show called Nice Time at Comedy Bar every Wednesday. It's Nicole Passmore, everybody. Every Wednesday.

Hi, I'm back. And better than ever, I think. Yeah, and we're, you know, 10 minutes into talking and dave has already accused me of bullying him why did i do that um because oh because you you said something nice and i said thank you in a sweet tone and then you said i wasn't being sarcastic and i said neither was i and you said but you're always bullying me i guess i didn't escalate that you did well uh listeners you decide uh as you you know i'm as sweet as cherry pie yes yeah i'm yeah dave is as sweet as cherry pie uh and graham is as as spicy as oh a rhubarb straw bear i don't fucking know

rhubarb strudel maybe yeah the spiciest when they're doing hot ones they're like careful this 10th wing is a rhubarb wing oh boy i'm gonna be on the toilet after this spicy rhubarb do we want to get to know us yes get to know us speaking of like competitive eating or uh anything like that do you know the joey chestnut he holds like a bunch of records for fastest eating things. I thought he was just hot dogs, but he's so much more. He's eaten so many things

really fast. What are they? Oh, like, you know, pick a food. He's done it. Rhubarb. Rhubarb. He's done rhubarb. He's eaten the most rhubarb. I don't know. No, he hasn't because that would have been my grandpa. Do you, Nicole, do you know what rhubarb is?

Yeah, I do. And my grandpa used to grow a bunch of it in his garden. And I always found it a little bit spicy. But I am just now remembering that when you find things that are spicy, that aren't supposed to be spicy you might be allergic to them oh sure that is just now dawning on me well it's um yeah they're not it's not spicy i think it says bitter it's bitter it's you put it in a you know maybe my maybe my tongue's just honestly i don't know if i've ever had it without a ton of sugar added to it. Yeah.

Now that you say it, spicy maybe isn't the right, but it is something. If you bite into it, it is not bland. There's something to it. There's a bite. What do you mean Roo-Barks has bite? Johnny? I'm just going to

Google rhubarb taste profile. When I was a kid, the big thing was eating crab apples out of our yard and eating as many as we possibly could. They're so sour. They're so gross. And then you only had a countdown before you had to run to the toilet.

Were you not supposed to? Not supposed to eat crab apples? Oh, I'm sure you're not supposed to yeah not supposed to eat crab apples oh i'm sure you're not supposed to yeah were you a raccoon yes i was a raccoon i was raised a raccoon we spoke raccoon around the house but uh the uh the answer uh to the word that describes rhubarb flavor tart oh tart yeah okay yeah um wow um i should have remembered that word oh yeah um yeah they should do hot ones but as the as you get going the wings get more and more tart what's the tartest thing a lemon is that the most tart no because it's sour isn't it is tart different from sour yeah oh yeah i don't know dave's our master fact checker at

this episode yeah i just well like google tart most tart food and it's like uh 13 sour foods but i don't want sour yeah i guess it means the same thing dave google what's um what's the most tart thing and then a picture of me will show up yeah what does that mean i don't know i'm a tart you tart, yeah, because that's an old saying. I'm a saucy British get-around gal. Oh, sure. Look, I don't know. I don't know why I'm talking to you. When I'm Googling British pornography, I just search tart. Fittest tart.

Dot co dot uk. Yeah. I like to imagine you Google British pornography, but don't watch any of it. You just like to Google to check out the landscape. Yeah, catalog it. Yeah. Yeah. There's just so much more civil than ours.

It's nice, actually. They seem to like each other, which is different. Nicole, it's been about a year, I would say, since you graced us with your presence. I think so, yeah. How's it been going? Tell me about the year i would say since you uh graced us with your presence i think so yeah how's it been going tell me tell me about the year that was oh the year that was oh my god what a big question that's yeah give us your top 12 moments from the year that was october to october although you were last year may of last year yeah i think it's been over a year. That's too much pressure. You know what?

I do know that one of my top moments was that I was on a train going to Halifax. And I was in a sleeper car with my mom. And she wasn't there because she makes too many friends. So she was off in another car with a friend. She ditched you for her new friends. She ditched me. Truly, she ditched me truly she ditched me so i was alone in our sleeper car and i don't know why maybe i was like tired or maybe i'm just like very boring but i laughed so hard because i saw a five dollar bill no a ten dollar bill on the train

tracks outside of a small town and i it was like buried under the wheel of another kind of like track part and that was one of my top moments and I was the train moving at this time no we were stopped for like 40 minutes and I just kept did you think about going to get it yeah I did and did you no I would have been arrested it was in an area you couldn't it was on the tracks dave i would have been i would have been like crawling around okay via rail train tracks but i don't know why that stuck out to me it really tickled me yeah that's that's the thing is you're you don't uh get to pick what your memory uh picks out of a year you know i can't remember anything that happened this past year. I don't know what the hell went on.

Didn't you get married? Yeah, that's right. So maybe that should. Graham, do you want me to go back and edit this? Ooh, Graham. Oh, God. This is going to be rough. Do you know what actually,

do you know what today is? No. What's my birthday it is no shut up happy birthday it's my birthday I'm just making you say happy birthday to me I want to feel special I haven't said it yet

I'm weighing the I'm weighing whether this is a trick Dave please please say it well i will consider it all people i need validation from i'm really uh happy that you're uh you chose to do this on your birthday why could you could have said no guys don't you know what october 3rd is it's mean girls day it's mean girls day it's the day it's the day he asked me what day it was uh no i don't you know what october 3rd is it's mean girls day it's mean girls day it's the day it's the day he asked me what day it was uh no i don't like my birthday so this is

fun graham doesn't like his birthday either i hate it i hate birthday yeah i don't like them i don't like them i like other people's i'm happy to celebrate yours i like it for kids i think kids love their birthday and it means more to them but then then adults, it seems like, I don't know, if you hit a landmark, you know, if you hit like 25, if you hit 50, those are kind of, you know, or maybe every decade, maybe every decade. Arguably, those are too much for me. That's so much pressure. Oh, yeah. Like, you really have to have a special year and good friends and all that stuff. Oh, boy.

Yeah. And I like, yeah, I always have people who are like, so what are we doing? Are we going out? Who's this? We go out. Yeah.

You can enjoy my birthday on your own. Do shots in my honor. Yeah. Cry a little bit. Cause that, that's what I'll be doing. Do you have plans tonight? Well, I have to go teach an improv class.

Are you going to tell them it's your birthday? Yeah, are you expecting a big cake? No, God, no. I would be mortified. And no, I'm not going to tell them. How much would you hate a surprise birthday party? Like the most ever? I have had multiple really uh yes oh yeah

and i am i am exactly the wrong type of person for them um i've had multiple and i've nearly ruined all of them uh one was in elementary school and my my friends i was the only friend allowed off school grounds like at lunchtime, you know, like you ate lunch at home or something. I lived close enough that my mom was like, yeah, she can handle it. Um,

so I would go home and eat chef Boyardee. Um, yeah. Haven't eaten meat in 20 years, but my God, I remember the things I did eat so frigging fondly. Yeah. Um,

the disgusting things. But if you had it right now, if it was a cheese version, would that be in your cupboard? Chef Boyardee ravioli? It wouldn't be in my cupboard now. Is Chef Boyardee just, is it all meat? Like, is the sauce always a meat sauce? I thought so.

It's just like the meat version of like Libby's alfaghetti. It feels like there's always that beef in it or like. Hmm. Beef-a-roni. Yeah. Anyway, my friends all. Anyway, happy birthday. You did it.

Now you believe me. Yeah. My friends all left school and I was like, I was like oh I'll come and they were like no you can't come and I was like wow I guess you're not my real friends and I was like really upset and then it turns out they were leaving to like buy a bunch of candy and pop and chips for my surprise party that night whoa then I had another one I I guess I was like 18 and I um I was four hours late to the party because I didn't want to go I was like I don't want to go to a party and everyone was like well you should probably come to this one and then I did it was a lot were you like they're gonna try and ambush me or something

there's really I didn't know it was a surprise party I just don't like parties you don't like Were you like, they're going to try and ambush me or something? They're really leaning on us. I didn't know it was a surprise party. I just don't like parties. You don't like parties of any kind? Oh, okay. So I might have to send an email to your improv class because I sent one a couple of weeks ago and they're all preparing something for you.

Oh, yeah. Did you, Dave? Yep. Dave's really trying to sell the nice guy act today. Yeah, for I'm a jolly good fellow. Yeah, anyway, I don't really care about my birthday, so I like

to, like, have stuff to do. Not me, man. I love my birthday, and I just want to do nothing. I want to be carried around on a big mattress. I want to be fed grapes and, you know, fanned with palm fronds. Would you want grapes in that situation? I feel like grapes are way down the list of what I would want in that scenario.

I think like strawberries. You're going classic. Yeah. Oh, Graham wants like... Rhubarb. Just rhubarb straight. Yeah. oh graham wants like uh rhubarb just rhubarb straight yeah i think of you as wanting um like uh peppermint bark you are correct i would like peppermint bark fed to me on a mattress

with pom fronds all the other stuff you know i would like it to be very hot and melty i don't know why the phrase i think of you as wanting is very weird in my brain. I think of you as wanting. I think of you as wanting. Yeah. You know what? Dave, I think of you as wanting attention. However you can get it. Wow.

Oh, well, I mean, I guess everyone's entitled to their opinion. Also, when you say a big mattress, do you mean like a mattress mattress? Or do you mean like a... No, as soon as I said it, I was like, that's the wrong word. I think I was thinking of the thing that like Cleopatra would be carried around on a bed with handles. But then it just came out like a big floopy Casper mattress. But that's now, when I think of it, that's a pretty good ad for a mattress. If Cleopatra or whatever is being carried around on a foam, a memory foam mattress or something.

It could be right. Oh yeah. I'm not, or she's, that's all. Or she's being carried around on a, one of those like old timey beds that she would be carried around on. Uh,

and then she's like, no, chuck me on a mattress. Chuck me. Chuck me. And there's, and there's a glass, there's a glass of wine on the mattress and they chuck her. And they chuck me and there's and there's a glass there's a glass of wine on the mattress

and they chuck her and they chuck her and they chuck her on there and the glass of wine doesn't spill no it doesn't spill at all right

but also the mattress is so soft that she bounces off of it into Mark Anthony's arms and then he goes eee oh and

but it's actually Mark Anthony this thing yeah and then you're like what the hell is this mat for is this mattresses or no it's actually Mark Anthony, the singer. Yeah. And then you're like, what the hell is this mat for? Is this mattresses? No, it's the wine. The unspillable mattress wine.

What was it? Did they put wine and then they drop a bowling ball? Was that the? Yeah. That was the. Yeah. I love. They would do bowling pins in the bowling ball.

Ah, bowling pins. I think they would put wine there and then just have a couple going at it. Yeah. Right in front of Christine McGee because she likes to watch. We know that. Is that Sleep Country Canada's woman? Yes. The president of Sleep Country Canada.

Oh, yeah. Okay. I shouldn't call her that. Like she's going steady with Sleep Country Canada? Yeah. His main gal, Christine McGee. I shouldn't call her that. Like she's going steady with Sleep Country Canada? His main gal, Christine McGee. I haven't seen Christine McGee in the Sleep Country Canada ads in a long time. I don't know if she's on them.

She's not dead, is she? When you Google Christine McGee, it says Christine McGee obituary. No. But no, she is 63 years old. So she's with us. Okay. Co-founder and president of Sleep Country Canada, which we learned in our most recent jingles episode. There's a Sleep Country USA jingle that came first.

Yeah. Does that blow your mind? Is it the same? It's the same. Yeah. But minus Christine. It makes me a little bit sad that one time one time i nearly got into like a real fight with someone because they claimed

that are you afraid of the dark was american wasn't it and i was like no oh okay uh no how could it have had so many canadian celebrities what's it what celebrities i didn't really watch this show so i don't alicia cuthbert i think ryan gosling was on one i'm certain well uh sorry i mean the barbie movie is full of canadian celebrities is it canadian dave i'm gonna ask that you be nice to me because it's my birthday okay i guess huh i i guess uh we have different definitions of being nice uh i guess i'll uh lay down and let you think whatever you want shut up but i guess i thought maybe it would be um having like a a nice dialogue where we're kind of giving and taking and both learning uh would be nice but okay no yeah happy birthday you're always right no we can do that we can do that dave graham's film it was filmed in montreal okay okay um i was it the thing where

they're around a campfire at the beginning of the show yeah yeah yeah the like and then they each tell like a you know quote unquote scary story but they're not all that scary do you like scary stories do you like a horror movie uh it's the month it's the month of it is this is yeah this is a big month i the the older i get i have like worse anxiety okay maybe relatable maybe maybe not but um so i used to not be able to handle horror at all and now i kind of like it because it feels a bit like um naughty i don't know like yeah naughty no it's like well i was about to say tension relieving which is just as weird no that's a lot of like they say that's

like the science behind horror movies is that you get to experience like tension in a safe environment yeah it works for me i went to see um talk to me a few weeks ago alone uh because i like going to movies alone but it was a bad idea because i kept like kind of like jumping and squirming in my chair and then trying to cover for screaming by like coughing or like oh yeah that's a good movie what is this movie it's an a24 movie about um well it's a veiled metaphor for addiction apparently according to all the articles i read after um but it's about like these kids who find a hand that you like hold and then you talk to the dead but there's just a hand like thing from yeah it's it's like a cut off uh embalmed hand oh man i wouldn't touch that for 50 bucks i wouldn't even touch a cut off jeans he won't it's one of dave's top 10

fears yeah cut off embalmed jeans he can't watch dukes of hazard ah spooks of Hazard Yeah I haven't watched any scary movies so hard In this month I gotta get on it I don't know which ones Do you have ones that you return to Year after year Specifically for October

I think I'm gonna watch It Follows again Because that was So good specifically for October. I think I'm going to watch It Follows again, because that was so good. And there's also one called The Stranger, which is a metaphor for listen to women. And it's really, really well done. Because she knows something's going on, and everybody's like, no, no, no. That's just,

you've made this up in your head. And sure. It's a, Oh, it's so scary. It's so scary. Yeah. You're just a hysterical little lady.

Why don't, why don't you shut your mouth and make me a rhubarb pie? Yeah. Isn't Rosemary's baby that as well? Yes. Yeah. Where it's, it's scary because it's like in movies where there's a bunch

of people all getting scared together you're like well at least they have each other until they all start dying off but when it's just one person who's trying to convince everybody that something scary is happening that's like that's a whole other level yeah that. That's frustrating. So I'm producing the new season of Let's Make Horror, the CBC podcast. Does that drop this October in the spooky month? Yeah, it drops October 11th, as a matter of fact. Nice. Nice. Oh, wow.

We should get Mark Chavez on the show. Yeah, we should get Count Dracula on the show. Count Dracula, for sure. He's expressed interest in the... He wants to do a nighttime recording, but... Yeah, he keeps trying, but like it's weird. He keeps trying to invite himself onto the show.

But he won't. Oh, so Count Dracula is a metaphor for most men in comedy. Yes. Okay. Cool. But yeah, we talked to a couple of movie directors on the show and they were talking about how you basically 90 minute movie you need nine people one to die every 10 minutes oh that sounds that's pretty good huh there's one that's really fun if you're

like kind of a light horror is one called bodies bodies bodies oh you haven't seen it yet it's good also 824 yeah it's uh it's funny it's funny and gross and and good so it's it's a good one and then the classics you know your nightmare on elm streets etc i watch the shining every year usually in like chunks i'll watch it over a few weeks i've never seen it no it's good it's a vibe it's vibes i mean i say i've never seen it but i've probably seen yeah it's not like most the entire movie in clips yeah yeah probably it's not like places i don't know if it's scary it gets kind of scary it's's dreadful. Yes, yes. I scare easily, and the most I've ever scared was that one little clip in the terrible movie, Signs.

Oh, yeah. It's like a home video, and an alien walks by in the background. So scary. Well, I haven't seen it. Did you see the whole movie, or did you just see the clip? No, I saw the whole movie, but in the movie, there's someone who's like got an at home. It's like a clip from an at home video. The movie is not good, but that one.

Whoa, M. Night's a fan of the show. Yeah, sorry, Night. Oh, is that real? I don't know. No, no one's a fan of the show. I think I remember, I don't know whether it was me or Graham, but one of us scared you with like a... It was you.

I can't remember whether it was a wire that made it look like a snake. It was you, Dave, and you know it's you. But I don't remember which one of us did it, but I think I learned later that you were afraid of snakes. Dave, you knew I was afraid. I had told you already. And then you took the cord. You, Dave.

And then you shook the cord and then I got scared. Yeah, it's unknowable. I'm like, Dave, Dave, remember the movies we were just talking about? Dave's the master of four. Listen to women. Listen to women. Listen to women. I don't need a movie to know how to listen to women.

Oh, yeah. I need a book. I need a hashtag. I don't need a movie or a book. I need a woman worth listening to. Oh, boy. These were not my words. I'm way better, though, about not being afraid of snakes oh good don't don't test it what what um we're in different rooms no i know i just mean like even

if there's some if i'm like you don't want me to be like snake yeah or if there's some freak listener out there who's like i'm gonna mail her a snake yeah it comes i know and i'm very sorry we sent out your mailing address yeah i know that well you didn't listen to me when i said don't do it i know i got it from your i got it from your uh improv students who are putting up decorations as we speak. I would literally die. Oh, Nicole literally dies. Yeah. She had a massive heart attack.

I would have a heart attack. And for some reason, the theme they chose for your birthday party? Snakes. Yeah, yeah. We heard that she either loves or hates snakes, but let's... We heard she hates snakes, but we don't believe her. but let's let's we heard she hates snakes but we don't believe her have you ever seen a snake in real life or like oh yeah like just out in the wild wait i'm pretty sure i explained it on the show but like the cause of my fear of snakes is that my brother put a garter snake down my shirt oh yeah that'll start when i when i was a young child

and my shirt was tucked in so the garter snake couldn't get out. So it was stuck biting and spraying me. And they're like pretty gentle, but not if they feel trapped. Spraying with pee pee? It's not really... They're not venomous, I don't think. No, they're not venomous. It's not just piss. That sounds like a good slogan.

It's not just piss anymore. Try our good slogan it's not just piss anymore try a mattress it's not just how much of it is piss christine mcgee a lot of surprising amount surprising amount by okay i i've pet snakes even large ones Oh, wow. Yeah, because the bigger the snake, the less afraid I am. Fair. And I've seen a bunch in the wild, in the wild, in nature. But I'm less afraid if there's nobody around. I think you've had more exposure to snakes than most people for something you're afraid of. exposure to snakes than most people for something you're afraid of i grew up on an island and then in north fan and like yeah i don't know i go camping every once in a while do you you you're

a fan of camping no yeah i knew it also i don't really associate snakes with camping here you see them sometimes i guess i don't camp and nicole always goes with her brother and so that's no i don't do you still tuck your shirt in i do tuck my shirt in that's the one truth you've found um one time i was in austin and there was this guy walking around with like a boa constrictor on his neck yeah uh and i like doubled back and ran um because you know that's just like what you do when you're afraid but i ended up getting trapped in like a small like alley with like construction by it so i couldn't get through i just basically chose the wrong way and the the guy was following me after he saw me run away and i was like oh fuck um but

then he he just kept being like she's nice i promise like walking the snake towards me and i remember going i believe you sir jesus but i need you to go away like just weeping did he go away he did yeah he listened to women he went away he came back with four of his snake buddies there used to be a guy in Vancouver who was like he would walk around carrying around a snake there's always a

guy and I find it odd because I know you Nicole I know you to be like you wear you always wear a feather boa. You're sort of a brassy lady. Dave, can I ask you to shut the fuck up, please? It's my birthday, Dave. It's my birthday.

You know what I'm going to get you for your birthday? A freaking sense of humor. Hey, what's that pink drink you're drinking there can i guess oh yeah you can guess kombucha it is nice clever girl is it tart um oh no honestly now i feel existential about the senses or whatever they're called senses what flavors taste tastes flavor profiles it's pink lemonade kombucha so it's it's a little more sweet than tart but still got that fermented oh yeah aftertaste you know that's what you're there for the fermented aftertaste oh yeah honestly i don't i mean it I really love it. Yeah.

People love kombucha. They love it. They're a special breed. Talking them out of it. Yeah, once they want it. I remember like the first... Do you want to talk them out of it, Dan? Yeah, they're, I feel like a lot of horror

movies are about a veiled metaphor for people's addiction to kombucha. I remember when we were doing this podcast, like the first year or something, we had Reggie Watts on and I asked him, what kind of drink would you like? And he said, kombucha.

And I was like, what the fuck is that? Like I had to look it up. What the hell is he talking about? Oh, here he is up from LA with your fancy American ways do you not drink kombucha? is it? no I mean I have

it's not my go to but yeah it's okay yeah my wife drinks it I've tasted it and then I that's why I don't drink it because i've tasted it if i had never tasted it i might have some there's there are multiple flavors yeah gross some of them are really gross he's afraid of it now that's his big fear is kombucha yeah oh yeah well i guess i shouldn't don't know, pull my kombucha can up and shit.

Oh yeah, I've had that brand. You have? Yeah. The one time you tasted it? I've tasted a few. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. I take it back.

It's like, usually I'm like, oh, you drink it and I'll take a sip. I believe men. Somebody should. Finally'll take a sip. I believe men. Somebody should finally. Absolutely. Um, so we've covered this $10 bill. You're still afraid. Oh my God.

Are you? Yeah. You've had two birthdays since we last, uh, when you were last year. Yeah, I guess I have last birthday i had covid i did nothing which is perfect that's exactly what you would want yeah yeah one of my one of

my best birthdays i remember i just um i went to starbucks to get my free coffee because if you know they give you like a free treat yeah yeah um and then I watched an entire season of America's next top model. Oh, okay. Like, and I remember liking that birthday. That sounds like a great birthday. It's got your free thing.

I liked it. It was good. Maybe you can do the same. Watch another season of not necessarily America's next top model, but whatever show you want to watch the whole season. Yeah. What are you, what are you watching these days?

I don't want to tell you. Okay. I don't want to tell you. Is it The Real Housewives? Are you watching The Real Housewives? No, I'm not. I'm not ashamed of watching that. It's worse.

Oh, what could be worse? Oh, man. Oh, are you ashamed because it's too highbrow? Is it Ally McBeal? Are you watching the whole are you watching nova no i've seen all of ali mcbeal when it aired though okay yeah fair i watched it when i was young um were you the dancing baby i heard you were the dancing baby do you heard that that's what i heard a lot of people don't know that show's can. From Snake Island. They made it on Snake Island. Filmed in Montreal.

Did you watch Goosebumps? Was Goosebumps also a show? Well, I read the books. I think there were books. Was there a Goosebumps show? I don't know. Ah, I don't know. I also read R.L. Stine,

the slightly edgier Goosebumps. Yeah. Didn't R.L. Stine make Goosebumps? Oh, wait. Sorry. I mean, i mean rl stein had another series that wasn't goosebumps that was like not fear street fear street sounds really good that's a good book fear street it was what he had it was like supposed to be a bit more adult and i remember reading one of them and being like it's a weird book and then realizing well i guess not even realizing it but the the story in the book was that um a girl had gotten pregnant and went in to get an abortion and then when she woke up like the everyone was dead except for like five people this is a kid's book like it well it was meant

to be like a young adult book but it was also one of the first times as a kid slash young ish person that i was like i don't know about the politics of this yeah what are you trying to tell me that like yeah it's like no and everybody's dead except metaphor here is yeah there's only five people left oh that sucks that's always like that's a hard uh premise when there's only five people left they're from different backgrounds they're having trouble getting along that's the real horror is trying to get along with strangers but is there like if there was like five people left and there was no like looming danger of zombies or anything uh i would just be like all right see you guys later like when there's five people it's like we gotta stick together to survive but otherwise

he's going off on his own yeah what if it was like four just regular people and one of them was pat sajak wouldn't that be crazy i could do what you do i mean i probably would leave anyway also i was thinking of christopher pike not rl stein okay christopher pike a lot of politics. And the book is called Whisper of Death. Wow. What is this supposed to be for, like, a 14-year-old or something? Yeah, like teens. I think I read it when I was like, I don't know.

And that was the name of the abortion clinic? Whisper of Death. Yeah. Abortions. Abortions and such. And such. Not just piss yeah but i want to get to the bottom of the show you don't want us to know that you're watching oh it's okay well okay twist my arm because it's sometimes okay again, remember I said I have anxiety.

So, and it's probably not as bad as other people's, but the older I get, the more I'm just like constantly in a state of just like a, a sous song of anxiety as Frazier would say, a taste, a touch of it. So sometimes I like pick a show that I know is bad or don't care about,

but also I have a friend, a lot of our listeners do. Uh, that's how we got off. I have, I have a friend who like told me that this was his favorite show and ironically, and he knows it's a bad show,

but like that it was his favorite and he thinks it's the funniest. And he's one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life. He's like so funny. The more you build it up, I'm more excited. I'm getting, it's probably not. It's probably a boring answer,

but I have been watching family guy from the beginning. I can see that. I've watched, I've watched five seasons in like two weeks. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. That's a,

maybe not even two weeks. I would never have Yeah, that's... Maybe not even two weeks. I would never have called that if I had a hundred guests. I think I probably had I think I probably had those on DVD. Those five seasons. What's a DVD, Dave?

Oh, it's like the short form of my name. Yeah. I say that after saying I read Christopher Pike books as a child. Yeah, anyway, i'm watching i'm re-watching those and then sometimes when i'm really anxious i'll watch old walking dead oh

really that's it yeah that's it because you have to kind of follow a thread there unlike family guy which is just episode per episode oh yeah but is Walking Dead, you say old episodes, is it still on? There's a variation on it. Oh, yes. Yes, it is. There's like two spin-offs. I never watched it when it was on, but I watched Last of Us and I went, oh, yeah, this is doing something for me. So, I

was like, what else? And then I started watching Walking Dead. Yeah, I remember watching it maybe for two seasons and then I felt like, like oh they don't know what they're doing anymore they're just writing this as they go along because it was it was based on like a comic book and then what that that moment happened in the show and i was like oh they've run out of material we we don't know uh yeah another person shows up and uh somebody with a bat shows up and uh yeah uh... Yeah, and he's so badass.

Oh, you, the... Are we scared of him, or are we scared of the zombies? You, no, not him, her. Oh, bat person has a girl? Oh. You just really named feminism. Nailed, named. Uh, yeah, I...

If I could name feminism, I would name it glenda the good witch that's glinda linda the good witch fine i would name it jennifer there you go yeah and then we can all get behind jennifer um do the big question is do you think family guy's funny no no no i'm sorry i don't i okay but every once in a while i do laugh a little they i feel like when they hit it out of the park they really hit it out of the park and then yeah yeah i and i do occasionally catch myself going oh like clutching my pearls oh because they went some little nasty oh yeah um do you ever uh now are you able to do the voices oh yeah here you go i think of you as sort of like a a master mimic yeah i bet you can now do all the voices

no i'm not i sort of think you can do all the voices and i bet you can now do all the voices. Your Canada's Frank Kelly. No, I'm not. I'm sort of thinking you can do all the voices and I bet you can really do Stewie. Yeah, Stewie's a good one to master. Yeah, I bet you can probably do that. This is mean. Is that it? This is mean. I don't think I... I can't do any of the voices, but

I'm also notoriously bad at trying impressions. I think we all kind of missed that Graham did it. And what was it? Oh, mother. Something like that. Oh, mother. Death to you, mother.

Death to you, mother. Yeah, I can't do it. You absolute, you tyrannical whore mother. It's like that. Yeah, no, that's very good. But I bet you could actually probably do Quagmire even better. Dave, I've got all day. Happy birthday.

I won't back down. Ooh, giggity. That was good. That was good. Ooh, giggity, giggity, ooh, Lois. This is a Zoom recording. It does not like you're doing that. We're only getting little splatches of audio.

Let me try to tone it down. Ooh, giggity, Lois. Ooh, giggity, giggity, giggity, Lois. Ooh, Lois, you want a giggity Lois you wanna giggity on my goo that was very good I hate myself right now no you are

you're a real champ we appreciate that I feel like the key to a good impression is saying up front what the impression is of so that people go I feel like the key to a good impression is saying up front what the impression is of so that people go. 100%. I feel like the key to a good impression is asking the audience, well, hey, any impression ideas I should do?

And when they say one you can't do, say, did someone say Stewie? No, we said only real people. We don't want Stewie. Christine McGee from Sleep Country. Oh, that would be amazing if somebody could do that. I remember I had a substitute teacher in junior high that could do a couple of voices, a couple different voices. We loved her. Oh, and they milked it, I bet.

Oh, man. If she showed up, if she walked in the door, we were all like yes she's gonna do the voices yes yes so a lot of people ask me uh to do george bush but whenever they ask me i always say the same thing not gonna do it nice and that's george bush senior it should be yes now can you do your George W. Bush? Nancy. It's mostly a face. What does he even say?

Not going to get fooled again. Or whatever he says. Oh yeah. Fool me once. once fool me once yeah there it is what is this it's uh the show the new format of the show is uh house of impression yeah oh i mean that i'm fine with because what else am i gonna do um i just mean what are you referencing from George Bush's life? Oh, well, he used to say stupid things. He would be, he was known as like a bad speaker. And he said, fool me once. The expression fool me once, shame on me.

He couldn't parse it in his brain. He was like, fool me once, shame. Well, you don't get fooled again. Yeah, don't get fooled again fool me once I feel ashamed that's my impression Stewie Stewie saying his own name Stewie Grissom

goodbye listeners you drop thousands you drop thousands of subscribers after this I get hate mail. We hear that on your address. I did once book a part on a cartoon where I had to do a vocal match for Carole Kane. Okay.

Like they needed someone to sound exactly like she had done a character. And you got this job? I got it. I booked it. And how did it go? It went fine. Did you imagine it? Yeah.

Wow. I mean, it was like, it was, it was Carol Kane doing a gnome character. So the voice was like, well, you're not gnomes, are you? Oh, that's really good. That's good. What are you doing in my garden? Like that. Wow.

So that's excellent. That's maybe the only impression I can do is Carol. Sure. Yeah. I can only do Quagmire. Excuse me. Giggity. Giggity.

Why? Can I giggity? Giggity. Can you actually do any voices? either of us what do any impressions yeah i i don't i think as a kid i thought i could uh yeah i think i worked on uh i might have worked on an elf impression and uh not uh the will ferrell one but the alien yeah yeah yeah wanted to make sure yeah um feel like i had that i might have had others carol channing maybe i think i could do sure as all boys did

if she would think like this that was her whole thing yeah this is the the many impressions they could do i think i could do an impression of somebody's impression you know what i mean yeah like once somebody kind of figured it out then once someone figures out christopher walk and everyone's going through the game yeah christopher oh yeah do do people still feel proud of doing him uh i don't mean to be rude i just mean like it's like an arnold schwarzenegger kind of situation where it's like everybody can pretty much do it yeah yeah um yeah i feel like the ones of my childhood that like I didn't really get or like because I didn't know who William Shatner was when I was a kid but I feel like that was

everywhere that would be great if you did work on an impression just based on other people's impressions but you never found out who he was yeah like I don't know who James Mason is but people are your uncle's gonna love this

that's right or peter lorry oh man if i could get my hands on the entire season of comedy at club 54 oh i bet i bet that not the season the whole series because i bet you there's impressions galore in there but i don't know where you can find something like that it exists somewhere though somebody's got it out there somebody's gonna find it for you well i believe i you're gonna be like oh i could do that i have them all on tape i take them all yeah then they're gonna mail them to you but then they'll want to hang out, right? It'll be like one of those things. They come over and pick it up and then I have to hang out the whole afternoon.

You get to. Yeah, you get to. That's true, I get to. You get to because that's a privilege. It is a privilege. You're right. That's a treat.

You got to check my privilege. That's a treat. Yeah. Yeah, you got to check it out. Check out the sweet privilege I got. Check out the sweet privilege. You ever seen so much? Oh, man.

It's gnarly. It's wild. This shit is nice. Nice. Dave, what's going on with you, my friend? Well, not much. Last week, I had COVID. Yeah.

Up until two days ago, I think yesterday or the day before, I tested negative for the first time in a week. And so I'm on the mend, uh, but I didn't get up too much this week. I can see, I can see why if you were locked,

were you mostly housebound or man, everyone else in my house was sicker than me. Oh yeah. I had to do everything. Uh, but I was masking when i had to go uh purchase provisions sure um but uh then uh i what i did have this week was a very fun dream nice exciting now we know from the show that I have very boring dreams generally. Yes. For example?

For example, a dream that my travel agent is retiring. That's aka my mom's nightmare. See, she gets it. It was like a crisis dream. And then, but then I think about a month ago i talked about some fun dreams i had including one where i was watching entertainment tonight and they had a superhero news notably good that wingman is now ming man turned upside down did you hear that Entertainment Tonight Canada? Is going off the air. Going off the air.

Canceled. Yeah. Gone. Yeah. Entirely. Yeah. That's it. We had our chance.

We abused it. We're not allowed to have it anymore. That's the way it goes with these things. So here is the dream I had. Okay. I had a dream that I was in court on trial. Oh no. And it was, I couldn't figure out why i was on trial um but from

the um i i i gathered that if i was found guilty that the punishment wasn't going to be very bad right so i was sort of not taking it seriously i was kind of wandering around the courtroom what was happening mr shumka if you could take your seat please yeah yeah whatever and i don't know if it was a crime or a civil case but my lawyers were like it's fine here you're you just have to be here as a formality um you're gonna get i know that the woman who was accusing me was pregnant oh oh no they're gonna like her testimony over yours that's for sure well it was i know it was very boring in court and i know that at the end of the trial i was found not guilty or not liable or whatever i got off nice um It was a wet dream.

Dave, Dave. But anyway, later, I went over to the pregnant woman's house and I knocked on the door. I wanted to apologize and I was carrying a briefcase for some reason and I don't know why, but I was very professional. Selling maps.

Yeah. So I rang the doorbell. She answered. And she's carrying a baby. And she's pregnant. And I was like, I'm sorry. And she was like, you think it's funny to go up to a sleeping pregnant woman with a bunch of action figures and play on her belly while she's asleep?

Oh, my God. Oh, god. Oh man, there's so much room to interpret things in this stream. And anyway, she forgave me. I'm very charming in person, but she was like, that was why I was in court, because I had taken action figures that acted out a little battle on her belly.

Yeah, that's something, man uh i don't know what i don't think it means anything um maybe i would say look it up in that big book of dreams but i i think it's all i i don't think it's in there playing with toys slash pregnant yeah playing with toys action figures. Yeah. Playing with toys. Action figures. Action figures. Pregnant ladies. Pregnant, pregnant, um, sort of like antagonist.

Yeah. Oh yeah, sure. The, I'm the protagonist of my own dreams. Can I have that? I've definitely had dreams where the other people in the dream seem to be having more going on than like I'm watching

their exploits you're just sitting at a desk while cops are coming in and out of the office with bad guys yeah I've been busted out of desk duty but but look what's going on here yeah I had a dream

and I only realized this was a dream because i uh i was supposed to meet somebody at a coffee shop and i texted i'm on my way and then i woke up and then days later i was like oh shit did i i fucking forgot to go meet that person and i looked at my text and it was it was all a dream it wasn't I never texted that person I love that it was so so relieved it was like oh my god Jesus Christ that is I get that like every few months I get one of those where I'm like oh no this is a responsibility oh I I invented it it doesn't really exist I get that weekly yeah yeah I will like jump up and um yeah i'll think like something's wrong with my house or i like have a baby that i forgot existed and it hasn't been fed you weren't the pregnant lady from dave's dream are you well no she wasn'tist, so it would track.

Oh my God, I didn't realize that my dream was about you. I have to open up this dream analysis book. Oh, these are all about Nicole. I once woke up to a bunch of missed calls from a friend of mine. And I was like, that's weird. And so finally called her back. And she was like, are you okay? And I was like,'s weird and uh so finally called her back and she was like are you okay and I was like what do you mean she's like well you called me last night you left a voicemail and I was like no I didn't and I I had called her in the middle of the night like sleep sleep called her and I saw her later and she played me the message and the message was

Lisa I need help help me Lisa that's all it was Jesus Christ so she she was like freaking out and I sleep in late. So she spent hours in the morning being like, is she dead? Like, what happened here? Is Carol Kane calling me? Lisa, I need your help. Lisa, I need help with the gnome situation happening. You're not a gnome, Lisa, but I need your help. Now, do either of you sleep with your phone ringer on? Or is it off?

No. No. Off. I think I sleep with it on. You're a dad. I think it would make sense to. Yeah, in case my kids buy a phone in the middle of the night. Yeah.

Guess what we found. Hey, Dad, bring us a snack. Hey, Dad, what are you dreaming about? How's it going? Hey, player. Hey, player, what up? That's how Poppy talks. Yeah.

I don't know where she paid it up yeah she skipped from baby talk to whatever that is anyway loving dreams dream life is rocking yeah i feel like every movie ever where there's a cop getting a call it's always in the middle of night and they've they can't turn the ringer off because it's an old-timey phone and uh you know it's always who is this and then you know oh shit i'm supposed to meet you in my family with my siblings and my parents we have a running joke that if you ever call us any like anyone calls anyone you always answer with hello at any time of the day yeah like you just woke me up at six at night

hello hello who's this that's a funny little tradition i like that yeah it's fun yeah that's wholesome that's cute yeah we're cute fam um that's nice uh what's going on with you graham um well as you know not that long ago i became a wedded man well we knew that but you seem to have yeah i forgot about it this year has been a just a blur you know i don't know what's going on but uh we had candy like a bunch of different candies at a candy bar at the party at the party and uh i forgot i think i forgot or it's been put into the very back of my mind that there's such a thing as bulk candy i think i forgot that i think like the grocery

store that i usually go to has like bulk nuts nuts and seeds but i forgot oh shit there's a whole delicious aisle of the of a grocery store that has bulk gummies bulk gummies both jujubes m&ms chocolate covered everything yes chocolate covered everything and uh the you have to you have to write it on the little tab what the number of the bin is so that you can now you're typing it in yourself which i don't i don't like that one bit but i have to remember what to type in for it feels like that's not my job but okay so yeah okay where are we going with it that you're do you guys think that you're allowed to sample a little bit of the yes of every yes even if you're going from bin to bin to bin to bin, you can sample all of them. You can sample them all.

Well, here's my little trick. Oh, this one fell on the floor and then you pick it up off the floor and eat it. And then, but then you drop so many

on the floor on purpose. Oh, this one fell on the floor. I'll try this one. And then I'm on my hands and my knees just chomping on the ground. Oh,

they're all over. And I'm trying to hands and my knees just chomping on the ground. Oh, they're all over. And I'm trying to seduce a weird man. Look at what he's doing down there. Oh, mister, all the little gummy fish fell. Oh, yeah. All the sour sugar fell off the sour keys. I got to lick it off the floor. What candy, if you you're gonna buy candy in

bulk what would you will be your absolute go-to like one where you can get as many of them as you want it's not uh you know limited to whatever packages they have at the store oh sure like you just one that you like what What are the parameters here? Are you telling me I get this for free or I'm just buying something I like? Let's say, let's say that you get it for free. You get to pick one, but it's for free. Okay. Well then that would be peanut butter M&Ms.

Okay. Peanut butter M&Ms. Because they're pricey and you could get so many and they're so good. Those are great but like any candy like i could choose the fun size not the fun size uh there's like wonder bars come in like a bulk pack but they're a different size than the fun size oh um but these if they were in bulk they probably would have to be out of the wrapper would be my my... Yeah, yeah. That would be... I don't care.

I don't care. They're falling on the floor. What I give a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mister, all these wonder bars. What about you, Graham? And is this what you did for your wedding? Yeah.

I went and got bulk candy. And jujubes are the one I could eat endlessly. I could eat jujubes forever. Now, do you want to remind me what jujubes are the one I could eat endlessly. I could eat jujubes forever. Now, do you want to remind me what jujubes are? They're little, like, there's only so many shapes of it. There's like a pineapple shape and like a kind of a triangle shape. But they're not. One that looks like a mini Bundt cake if you had a little pan.

And they're not gummies. They're not gummies. They're like more. But they're not wine gums. They're certainly not wine gums. They're certainly not wine gums. I would never. Wine gums are. That to me when I was a kid, if there was candy on the horizon and it was wine gums, oh, I'd be pissed.

I'd be so pissed. I still eat them. I still eat them. They're bitter. They have a bitter aftertaste. They do have a bit of a bitter. Yeah. But they're the one black candy, like when they come in multicolor, the black isn't like licorice-y.

Right. It's like a deep grape or something. I don't think they all taste the same. Oh, no, the greens are a little limey. That'd be kind of fun if you were at a restaurant where they brought over different wine gums that pair with whatever you're eating. Like after you eat this, these wine gums. Like candy pairing. Right?

That'd be cute. It would be cute. cute i would love that so here's the thing you go you want to try some there's things in the bin that you need like a shovel to get it out of the bin no no you don't dave's going whole hand in there this is why you got colds in it. Three and a half years in. You thought, well, I'm probably safe getting some bulk candy. I avoided it super long. Yeah. I'm actually a bit of a, kind of a freak.

You're a medical miracle. Sort of a medical miracle. Yes, you are very impressive um um okay but i don't touch touch them i i would like shake them out onto my hand was he with the shovel with the shovel no they can't like yeah i'm not like i'm not reaching in you're you're you're putting it in the shovel putting in your hand and hand, and stealing it. Yes. Yes. Yes. I guess what Graham probably wants to move on past the stealing towards the legitimate purchasing? Is that what we're getting at?

No. The stealing is the thing. So I wanted to get some bulk M&Ms, but they're not the shovel kind. They're the spout kind. And you cannot control how many come out. You can't make it like one or two come out it's all of a sudden just everywhere and so I learned that the hard way

I kicked them all close to where the bulk bin was so that it would be an easy sweep up but or an easy clean up for Dave's little hoover mouth yeah yeah I suck hard. Do you regret having me back on?

No. I consider you one of my best friends. For our wedding, we had wedding colors. I forget what they were. Brown. What, you mean M&M's?

No, like there was like a theme to the wedding. Oh, yeah. It was like pink and green and brown maybe. Like your palette, yeah. Yeah, and so it was like all the decorations were that color, all the like party, all the like, you know, decorations, you know, decorations.

Like your card that says where you sit. It's all was in that palette. And we discovered that you could go to M&M's.com and order just those colors of M&M's. And you can also get M&M's that have the couple's name on it. Super tiny. But that probably costs a lot.

I'm glad we got married when we did because you know m&ms went woke yeah that's true now they don't have high heels on one of the m yeah the green one isn't uh the sexy green one's not allowed to be sexy yeah it's like it's like the world's gone crazy i'm not allowed to to have sex with a walking piece of candy anymore. She did. She, you know, in her get up, she oozes sex appeal. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

She do exist. But Santa's there. But now that I remember that there's bulk candy, now i can't put it on my head like i i had that not in my mind at all and now it's all every waking minute i'm thinking about the bulk candy i want to get back there i want to get more put your head under the thing yeah i want to put now that i know how you're basically wheezing the juice with it, with the candy aisle. I went to a corner store recently that had little bags, $1 bags of candy.

Nice. And there were like, I don't know, five, 10 of them in there. And I was like, oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Like five cent candy, 10 cent candy, whatever you called it when you grow up. Depending on-

When you grow up. Yeah. I'm actually really young. It was $5 candy when I was a kid because of inflation. 10 cent candy whatever you called it when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you

when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when you when I will say I'm old enough that they were, I think they were five cent candy and they didn't have the little tongs.

Well, that's what I was just thinking is there weren't any tongs and those tongs are fucking useless too. Unless you want to stand there for hours. I always misunderstood it. And of course I use tongues. Dave just lapped them up, opened the bin and just gorged.

Uh, my, my go-to of that kind of candy were uh little caramels wrapped the individually wrapped oh sure oh i went wild for those oh my god and like you got to unwrap each one which was fun oh yeah felt decadent yes yeah absolutely i remember someone once gave me some and they were like hey these caramels by the way the paper that they're wrapped in, you lick it and it dissolves on your mouth, on your tongue. No. Why are you knowing?

Because I've done it. I've eaten the plastic wrapper. Well, no, but these did. And it was amazing. And I was like, but the problem is every other time I've had a little brown caramel, I've been like, I wonder if this dissolves. Gotta test them. Yeah. I was oh-knowing because that was a joke when we were kids that people would try to like trick other kids.

I was oh-knowing because it was a meme when someone fell down and went, oh no. What? There's a lot that you have to parse to get that reference i'm not gonna try oh you get online you gotta get the net tired yeah yeah exactly sorry i'm getting older i'm getting tired yeah another year another year yeah um but yeah so not only that you know you know it's this the candiest time of year so now everywhere i go there's small candies they're testing my willpower at this point uh between now in your apartment building kids don't go door to door do they no oh that would be weird but it'd be also kind of fun

there's a kid upstairs that would be kind of fun if we run into the problem we get the we get trigger treaters here and we run into the problem of oh we gotta stock up on candy because trigger treaters are gonna come uh but then you know october 16th rolls Oh, we're out of candy again. Yeah. I better stock up on a few more hundred little pieces of candy. What's, uh, cause they have like the boxes that are a bunch of different candies. Yeah. What they usually do now is they have boxes that are three good candies and one bad one.

What's the bad one? Cause I feel, I agree. Like there's always one bad one. Mars. Mars. No way. Mars. Top tier. It's too much. one because i feel i agree like there is always one bad one mars mars no way mars top tier it's too um what are the ones we usually get it's too much oh the ones we usually get are um uh coffee crisp arrow kit kat and smarties oh and the smarties are the bad ones yeah marty's yeah um uh yeah what's the one there's a weird pack that has like rolos

and a crunch bar and like some other i do like the weird packs that are like four different kinds of hershey bars like no one wants a hershey bar especially like a white chocolate one with cookies and cream or hershey bar i love cookies and cream just a kid who has his hopes up i want it i love cookies and cream as a Or Cookies and Cream or Hershey bar. I love Cookies and Cream. Just a kid who has his hopes up. I love Cookies and Cream as a concept, but not in a weird... Not in practice. Well, no, I like Cookies and Cream, but not the Hershey bar version.

I see. Yeah, it's... I remember as a youth, some people would give away wagon wheels i always thought that was a very weird is that like a big cookie it's like a big cookie but like the pastry yeah and it's got like marshmallow in it yeah yeah but i always thought you would have to buy a box so huge of those to be giving them away on Halloween. So, what the hell, man? Well, I think what they're doing, Graham, is buying multiple

boxes. Interesting. But how many wagon wheels could you go through in a lifetime? Two? Three? Maybe? Okay, so these are the combos that you can get at the store up the street.

And you tell me what's the bad version what's the bad what's the bad selection okay uh m&ms peanut butter m&ms twix snickers and mars i mean for me i'm automatically taking out the peanut one so yeah so those but that yeah those are my that's my take on that one but nicole hates mars i just learned that i don't hate it i just don't i think it's simultaneously too much and also nothing okay what about this one there's nothing going on i also think boring plain m&ms could be the worst of that one okay uh and these ones uh is a cadbury. Graham, you're out because there's too much peanut in this. Crispy Crunch, Wonder Bar, Mr. Big, and Caramilk. Oh, Crispy Crunch, Wonder Bar, Mr. Big.

That's a weird one. Mr. Big is, I think, the outlier because no one ever would choose that. I would maybe. I don't like the hard nougat. So I would say crispy. No, crispy crunch is good. Yeah. That's too hard. That's too hard.

I also don't like caramel. They're all a bit weird. Yeah. It's kind of like a tie for bad. Bad experiment. Sour Patch Kids Fuzzy Peaches Swedish Fish or Swedish Berries Those that's totally like

That's a good Across the board that's Unified. That's strong across the board I'd personally get rid of the Sour Patch Kids Yeah me too. Too sour Too sour Rolos Cheesies

Loose pretzels and a bag of boogers i'm gonna say the bag of boogers but i also don't want those those loose pretzels how loose are they like all over the place there's it's like you get a bowl of candy and it's like how the kids come to the door they say how many can we take you say two but one of them's gotta be just a loose pretzel yeah and you've got it you've got to eat them uh apple bobbing style you're not allowed to put your hand in there you put your face in there uh yeah you have to finish the pretzel before you're allowed to leave if they get that song i got my apple bobbing jeans in the boots with the fur yeah it's it's

because you go to a halloween party and you're dressed as some kind of wolfman uh that's pretty good well this is fun yeah um anyways candy candy candy everywhere so let's all have a snack i don't think this will be the last time we hear about candy this month no it's just yeah this is a this is a hot topic and although neck i think for you know uh in the interest of um just like fairness we should have a dentist on as our guest next yeah and then the week after willy wonka those are the i want to hear both sides of the story yeah sure yeah i think your podcast is known for you know being really equitable to all types of guests yeah that's true yeah i don't know that it's especially not no it's good it's just

dave are you okay i wasn't saying anything bad about i guess i yeah i guess i didn't pick up on the sarcasm um nicole's allowed to sarcastic onasm. Nicole's allowed to be sarcastic on her birthday. She's allowed to be as sarcastic. I'm not even being sarcastic. Okay, settle down. No, you don't need a dentist. It's going to be okay. Okay, good.

Do you know any comedian dentists? Do you have any fun? No. I mean, Steve Martin famously played one. Yeah. Mr. Bean went, Steve Martin famously played one. Yeah. Mr. Bean went to one. That was it.

I think you need to get Mr. Bean and Steve Martin on then. Oh, they hate each other. I don't think we could put them in a room together. Even a Zoom together, they won't. You can see them texting angrily to other people during the Zoom. I can't believe booked me with mr bean graham do we want to move on yes we do i'm dan mccoy i'm stewart wellington i'm elliot calen and together we are the flop house a long-running podcast on the maximum fun network where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it and because we're so long-running maybe you haven't given us a chance i get it but you don't actually have to know anything about previous

episodes to enjoy us and i promise you that if you find our voices irritating we grow endearing over time perhaps you listened to one of our old episodes and decided that we were dumb and immature well we've been doing this a while now we have become smarter and more mature, and generally nicer to Dan. But we are only human, so no promises. Find the Flophouse on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Co-October continues in celebration of National Co-op Month. I'm Palmira Muniz, producer and a worker-owner at MaxFun. I'm Isus Ambrosio, producer, and I'm also a worker owner at MaxFun. This week is all about community. Of course, we couldn't be a co-op without the

MaxFun community. And we love it whenever members of our audience get together. So we're having another MaxFun meetup this Thursday, October 12th. And next week, we'll be hosting a panel discussion with other worker owners across the co-op community. And we are still selling our limited edition Launch Crew merch available to all MaxFun members. But only through the end of the month. For more info on Meetup Day and everything Co-Optober, head to MaximumFun.org slash Co-Optober. That's C-O-O-P-T-O-B-E-R. Have a great week. Overheard.

Overheards. You hear things out there in the world? Maybe you see things out there in the world and you want to share them with somebody else? Give it our way. We're super stoked to have it. And we always like to start with a guest. Nicole, do you have an overheard? I do.

I was in Halifax like a month ago with my mom and how'd you get there you take like an airplane oh no what is this unique bullying who's bullying who yeah that's right i think that's that's the confusion dave okay i even i don't know um no so i we yeah we took the train out there it was a great trip it was just like my mom had never been in either die yada yada nice trip but we were having lobster i don't eat seafood oh darn it no sorry yeah but my mom did like eat so much seafood out at this haunted restaurant we wanted to go to tell me more about this haunted restaurant please it's the oldest restaurant in halifax the food's just floating around it's called spooky sizzler scary moxies it's called

it is like an old restaurant my mom's like obsessed with ghosts and like kind of spooky stuff this is not the overheard but we did go to a restaurant that was kind of older and um we sat down and my mom was like i bet there's a lot of history for this place and just being polite the server was like oh yeah yeah and the server turns to go and my mom goes what is it And the server turns to go and my mom goes, what is it? Oh no! Like a horror movie,

turned around slowly and was like, what? And my mom went, what's the history? And I trapped this server in a conversation where they were like, um, I don't know ma'am. This is my second day. Well, actually I majored in restaurant history. Well, actually, I majored in restaurant history.

Well, you told me there's history, so what is it? Back it up. Back it up. Prove it. I don't know. Is it printed on the menu somewhere? Maybe you can read it. That would be ideal, honestly, a printout.

But we, this was a small, it was a small moment, but we were walking on like the pier and this one woman walks by another and kind of chuckles at her shirt. And then you can see her sort of brace herself to say like, you know, like, oh, something. So she goes, oh, I love your t-shirt. And the other woman turns around, kind of chuckles with her

because I guess there was something funny written on it. And she goes, oh, thanks. My dead husband gave it to me. Oh, no. And I was just like, oh, okay. Does that t-shirt have a little history to it? Yeah. My mom scuttles over and goes, is he a ghost?

What happened? How'd he die? What's the history but i was just i was so in awe at someone just being like immediately comfortable being uncomfortable right yeah my dead husband gave it to me like oh okay yeah great well maybe she's on the market you know she doesn't want to say her husband because that'll that'll cool things down for her, you know? So she has to say it every time. My dead husband.

I need you to know. Yeah. Not divorced. That's a good point. Dead. That's a good point. He's never going to come around. Yes, I'm wearing a wedding ring,

but it's just because I'm, you know, grieving. Yeah. I think that's a good distinction. Not divorced, a.k.a. still loyal. Still loyal. He's not going to show up at the house. Good to be married to. I'm divorced.

You know me. I'm disloyal. Why'd you get divorced? Well, I'm disloyal fundamentally. Dave, I didn't mean to say everyone who gets divorced is fundamentally disloyal. Man, there's so many snakes out here. I hate to say it, but was there a more disloyal animal? Dave, do you have an overheard?

Yeah, mine's actually heartwarming. Cute. Oh, you know what? I do have a kind of a nice one. I'll do that one. I was walking my dogs i have two dogs and uh this is unrelated but you know what i've noticed on along my walking route i go past two houses that have trampolines built into the ground what like they're like well

i guess a trampoline you know i don't know their thought process but they're like, well, I guess a trampoline, you know, I don't know their thought process, but they're like, our kids want a trampoline. But having a trampoline, like. Must be safer. I mean, trampolines have the big net around them now. But just having it in the yard, it's kind of an eyesore. Why don't we just, like, lower it down, build it into the ground? I gotta tell you, these look like no fun at all. Oh, that stinks. I see kids the kids on them they're just uh you're not getting the same height no

yeah part of it is like you you're jumping from like three feet high up to 10 feet high you need and you also need the threat of danger so that you land those bum drops, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. But I was walking my dog the other day and I went past this old man. This old man was out just like on, you know, standing at his front door and he saw me. He had an accent and I'm not going to do it because of reasons. Who does George Bush? Well. I call him Ronald Reagan.

He yells out at me, you got two little friends? I'm walking two dogs. You got two little friends? And I said, yep. He said, you're a rich man. Rich, yeah. In spirit, for sure. That's sweet. Rich, and also rich in bags of dog shit.

Yeah, cha-ching, buddy. Liquid gold. Why is it liquid? It's very hard to pick up this liquid. Just have wet a liquid well it's very hard to pick up this liquid wet bags filled with liquid yeah filled is an understatement overflowing they only have the two bags anyway do you have an overheard graham uh yeah i mean this is this is maybe from months ago i have no idea um but it was a guy really leaning into a conversation like what he was saying was going to be really profound and he said uh if you ask me there's some shit going down in the world that was his big oh yeah that's

true actually yeah it's never been more true yeah there's some shit going down right we've been all over yeah i think so um that guy's speaking truth to power in a way that has fundamentally never happened before was he talking to someone powerful yeah yeah yeah it It was Idi Amin. Oh, man. Yeah. Idi Amin is still alive? I don't know, Nancy. Oh, boy. Oh, man. We're like spitting image over here.

Double exposure. We can do all the voices. Just double checking. Idi Amin has been dead for 20 years. Oh, damn it. Well, it must have been a ghost. It was a haunted restaurant. Just double checking. Idi Amin has been dead for 20 years. Oh, damn it. Well, it must've been a ghost. It was a haunted restaurant.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it was, uh, Forrest Whitaker who portrayed him in the last King of Scotland. Yeah. Um, now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the world.

Do you want to send one in to us? Send it in to SPY at maximumfund.org. And, uh, this first one comes from christine parts unknown she was camping recently the site wasn't super private so i used my car to block out my neighbors at one point i went to get something from the car and overheard one of them say oh yeah i know him from married with children ted bundy and uh we all know that that's a famous murderer and not uh not al bundy yeah but it was they were famous at the same time that's true it was a it was a you know who came first that's true yeah maybe ted bunny and then they named the bundys as like a if you did the same with the mansons or something like

yeah yeah yeah um wait did did they do that with the mansons no but if there was a show called the mansons you'd be like oh i see um well i don't remember which one ted bundy is is he he was the he's the one people would say is handsome but he he's not actually, he was like a white dude with Brown hair, real, real generic dude. Oh boy. Meow. Um,

I remember there being like, when I was young, there was like inside edition and shit like that, like hard copy. And there was somebody who was called the night stalker. And he was, he was like super handsome. And one of the ladies called the night stalker and he was he was like super handsome and one of the ladies on the jury fell in love with him and uh he's not handsome night stalker he's not he's not handsome at all he's he's terrifying but somebody on that

terrifying but but somebody on the jury fell in love with him yes he had incredibly freaky teeth um and no judgment he had like the kind of teeth you'd imagine like a little well the dental plan for murderers is not great it's not as good as yeah as bank robbers i watched the i watched the netflix night stalker documentary and got so scared i immediately closed everything in my home and couldn't sleep that night oh shit um i just knew about ted bundy i guess from the late 80s where because that's i guess when he was um forgot the word for executed um yeah they put you in jail they're like like, you will die, but you're not going to see it coming.

That's fun. I think a lot of people would choose that if that was an option. Yeah, why don't we let them choose? Maybe cut that out. Not you saying that, me. What if you were like, I'm making cuts. I'm like, can we cut Dave saying that me what if you were like i'm making cuts i'm like can we cut dave saying that thing i just realized how guilty i felt saying oh that sounds fun maybe they'd choose um yeah i'll see if i get around to cutting that out

i said what i said i said what i said there used to be a time or maybe this was just uh made up but they used to be able to pick their form of uh in some in some countries for sure and i i think even in i don't know enough about history but i think even in like america north america yeah um so so married with children started in 1987 and ted bundy uh was arrested in the 70s apparently so so maybe so maybe yeah maybe it was a little nod to al's got a dark side spooky family yeah um this next one comes from Casey in Arkansas. Watching the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie,

my sister couldn't remember all the names and asked my eight-year-old son, is Donatello the purple one? And he replied, no, he's green. So, I don't know what you're seeing, but I'm seeing green. It's weird that none of them are the green one.

Yeah, I just I love that there's still a purple one. Yeah, so there's purple, red, orange, and yellow? Blue. Orange and blue. Blue and yellow or blue and orange?

Red is Raphael for sure. Orange is Michelangelo. Orange is Michelangelo. Purple is Donatello. And Leonardo. Blue is Leonardo. Is it blue? It is blue, right?

Yeah. I only know Raphael because that's who I identify with because he's angry. Oh, yeah. Not on the TV show, but in the movies, he was angry for sure. Yeah. Yeah. And that's my source material. I literally have to go back to the theme song every time.

It's like, Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines, Raphael is cool but rude. Yeah, that's you. Thank you. Graham is, of course, a Michelangelo. Yeah. I'm a part of you, dude. And I'm Donatello because I do machines.

I don't want to talk about... You help everybody set up their tech. No, I mean I do them. Yeah, he does machines. He's ahead of the curve. Dave! Dave! And I feel like everybody... This is my public service.

You can find it on YouTube. There's a clip of the Ninja Turtles at some kind of Santa parade and Alan Thicke is singing a song and there's four turtles running around and dancing is he singing a Christmas song or a turtle song? Santa Claus is coming to town

but it's in like California so it doesn't look at all a Christmas song or a turtle song? Santa Claus is coming to town. But it's in, it's in like California so it doesn't look at all like Christmas so it just looks like, like he's insane. A fever dream. Yeah.

This last one comes from Matt from Tiverton, Devon in the UK. I recently made a stew for my wife and she said to me

Was it Valentine's? Is this an overheard from Valentine's? Yeah, we've been together This is just for my wife This is the stew anniversary My wife and I were exchanging stews and you know they're putting like a pie crust on the top of that stew it's uh yeah actually it sounds oh yeah a little cheese of course holy shit i've never been more hungry i'll go get some bulk candy that should take care of that

um i recently made a stew for my wife and she said to me no you didn't fuck up the spuds what you actually managed to do is make a very complicated type of potato oh that's nice nice that's sweet oh Oh, my ovaries. Don't make me think about love on my birthday. My ovaries. I'm passing a potato through my uterus. Love is patient. Love is kind.

Love lies and tells you the potatoes are good. Nice. Nice. Nice. Oh, I want to stew now too, actually. What do you call that? The one that comes in a cup with stew and then the pastry on top.

What is that called? I don't know. Like a chicken pot pie or a pot pie. Oh yeah. Maybe it's a pot pie. Yeah. It feels like a very British thing. Um, it does.

Or yeah, I guess. what, sorry, that person was from tiverton devon yes you know what a lovely no i don't know anything but it does sound like i just think it sounds so british yeah it's where you would expect the bake-off to take place somewhere yeah yeah oh yeah well that's actually one of my porno searching terms. Tiverton Devon. Tiverton Devon.

British. British. Kakapontine. Yeah, British slags. British slags. Oh, British slags doing nasty little things. What was that person's name? Casey?

Casey. Yeah. Write in and tell us if we're good at british and we'll forward it along in addition to overhears that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 That's one. Ugh. Spoypod won, you lot. Ain't it? Reckon it is. It is. I reckon it is. Love your potatoes are just fine.

We're good at this. We're good at this. Alright, here we go. Yeah, yeah. Hey guys, this is Emily calling in from Toronto with an overheard. I was at the grocery store in the cracker aisle and there is a dad and a teenage son there, considering the

crackers, and the son said to the dad, now what I'd really like is a fragrant Triscuit. Okay, off I go. Bye. Nice. Yeah, pungent, really. I'm doing a homemade potpourri. That teenager has really grown into themselves, I think.

I agree, yeah. You know, to know what you want, and what you want is a fragrant Triscuit. What are the flavors, or I guess, fragrances of Triscuit? Well, there's going to be like a tomato herb Triscuit, I feel like. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I've just found a website that ranks every Triscuit flavor from worst to best. Oh, what's in the top three?

Okay, top three. Number three, hint of sea salt. How bad are the other ones? Yeah, the most boring one you think that's boring oh my god number two reduced fat and those are number one those are three and two what's number one plain plain salted original with sea salt oh my god to be fair i have had the triscuits that are more fragrant and they are weird yeah it's always it's like sea salt and parmesan or like black pepper yeah number 13 the bottom of the list is fire roasted tomato and olive oil

ah yes tzatziki uh garden herb these are all things you would want on your triscuit yeah i i like all those um but you know for me triscuits they don't make the cut they're low down my cracker list what's your top so dry what's your favorite cracker i uh you know one that i rely on is your premium plus your classic salted uh cracker for soup you know that's uh what about what about you guys cracker wise plain salted rice crackers oh rice crackers okay and then and then that like dried fig oh you know the one no like the bigger ones anyway sounds good i don't really eat crackers but when i did my favorite thing to do i mean ritz are so buttery and good oh yeah i was gonna say ritz that's in my top top three for sure but

what i would love to do would get stoned wheat thins oh yeah and uh because they are like a flat square with a little seam down the middle that you can crack in half and you can make it into a little sandwich and a little slice of cheese goes in between I did that my mom would make those and she would butter them and then put the cheese so you got double dairy well dairy yeah There is a generation that buttered crackers before they put cheese on them. I wish they handed that down to us. She still butters before she puts mayonnaise on a sandwich. Nice.

Yeah, that's all right. I can't get behind it. I respect her choices, but. your choices I probably wouldn't do it but I'm never tasting something like oh this is too buttery yeah yeah exactly well no you're right

I've never said it's too buttery alright here's the next one hi Dave and Graham this is Matt calling from Portland, Oregon. I'm walking around and I see a guy in a car pull over. He has a Starbucks bag still on top of his car. He grabs it. Oh, he also has a entire cup of Starbucks that he forgot to grab that. And then I'll shoot.

He also forgot to grab his phone from top of his car. So to grab that. And then, oh shoot, he also forgot to grab his phone from top of his car, so he gets that. And then one last thing, he forgot his keys were on top of his car. So, there's a lot of things to forget all at once. I thought it was funny. I think you guys are great.

Talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. See you next time. Talk to you next time. Yeah, that's... Did you ever see someone with something on the roof of their car? And you're like, hey, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like...

How did I see it? It was in some movie where a salesman, like a gag salesman, had a bag of groceries that you attach to the top of your car. Oh. Oh, a gag salesman. Yeah. A gag salesman had a bag of groceries that you attach to the top of your car. Oh. Oh, a gag salesman. A gag salesman. Someone who goes from door to door selling gags. Or just gagging on something.

Check this out. Not to keep talking about my mom like I'm obsessed with her. Does your mom live here? Which I am. No, she lives in Vancouver. That's what I mean. We're in Vancouver. Oh, wait, sorry.

When you say here, for a second, I was like,, she lives in Vancouver. That's what I mean. We're in Vancouver. Oh, wait, sorry. When you say here, for a second, I was like, we're all in Toronto. I just want to go over to her house and have some buttered crackers. I think you and my mom would get along real well, actually. Yeah. But my mom, not to keep talking about her, but a couple weeks ago, she called me and she was like, oh, strangest thing happened today. A cell phone just blew out of a car at me. But a couple of weeks ago she called me and she was like, Oh, strangest thing happened today. Uh, a cell phone just blew out of a car at me.

I was like, what? And she's like, yeah. So I ran into the middle of traffic to grab it. Um, wow. And,

uh, she like chose a random person to call and it, the guy had like left it on top of his car by accident and he was panicked that's very that i mean i wouldn't would i stop my car and do that i'd be afraid i'd be afraid of getting hit by another car to retrieve depends oh she wasn't in a car graham she was walking oh she went into traffic while with it yeah wow okay brave your mom's brave yeah yeah she's she's wild what's the longest you've been without your phone to notice like that you would wouldn't notice that did i notice that i wouldn't have my phone and yeah like i've done it where

i've walked out of the house without it and i I'm like, just like old times. Here we go. I have a little place to put my phone in my car. Like a little, whatever you call it, holder. Yeah. And I will always, because I have a black dashboard and a black phone and then I just leave and like 10 minutes later I'm like, where the hell's my phone?

Yeah. That's interesting. Here's my phone? Yeah. I'm like, that's interesting. Uh, here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham. Uh, I work at an elementary school.

I'm currently in a second grade classroom. And, uh, each group of desks, uh, had to come up with a, a mascot like you would for a sports team or something for their little group. And I just think the mascots are incredible.

The first one's the little lions. That looks pretty good. The second is Starbucks. Fortnite. Pokemon. And then my final favorite mascot of all time, Grimace. Nice. Yeah.

You know Grimace has got to be in the top ten for sure. And Starbucks is pretty cool. Yeah, did you see Starbucks? Real Starbucks theme today. We've mentioned it. I feel bad for the kids who chose the lions.

Yeah. We didn't know you could do Starbucks. Mine would be the pedestrian. It would just be somebody who's uh walking around i don't know what kind of team it would be for but uh walter the pedestrian is one i made up i don't know mine would be if i had to have a mascot probably be like a oh you know when they show you those pictures of like organs that are shriveled up a little bit I think it'd be that

I don't know why like on a box of cigarettes or something withered organs but with like a really nice little smile so he still looks cute the organs have a smile yeah i think there's a mouth on a liver or something i mean we're it's a mascot right you're allowed to do that

i imagine yeah sure i guess so uh dave mascot yeah for me it would also fortnight yeah they already chose it fortnight i don't understand how that's a mascot. Yeah, I love Fortnite. But is it the whole game or is it one part of the game? Yeah, it's Fortnite, but it has a little smile on it. I don't like this. I don't like this attitude. Well, happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Nicole, thank you so much for being our guest. This has been so much fun. Am I so bad? No. No. Dave. I have to get a shot at it. Dave's not bad at all.

I feel like I've said your name a hundred times today. Yeah. Listeners, go back and count. Is my name Mom? Because you your name a hundred times today. Yeah. Listeners go back and count. Is my name mom? Cause you said that. No, I love you both. You're not bad at all.

You have a show each and every Wednesday at comedy bar. I do called nice time. I do a weekly improv show. Come and check it out. It's always the most amazing people. Nice. Also, I guess if you're, we didn't mention this at all and we don't have to, but I'm going to be in Puerto Vallarta for all of November and December doing two different

sketch shows. Really? Oh. If you're down there, go to the Palm Theater and check out some comedy. Cool. Holy moly. It's a good gig if you can get it. Wow.

I bet. Yeah. Nice work if you can get it. And I, of course, for all of October, for November and December, I'll be in Tiverton, Devon. I'll be in Tiverton, Devon as well. But in the new year. I'll be going on me potato tour. Yes.

Me tour of Tivet and Devon's lovely potates. The great spud walk, we call it. Hop aboard me lorry. Well, thank you, Nicole, and thank you everybody out there for listening. You know what? No matter what type of potato you make, it's a quality snack.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.