Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 816 - Mark Chavez

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Improviser Mark Chavez returns to talk Let’s Make a Horror, the Britney Spears book, and airport lounges.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 816 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who always looks so super sporty with a new haircut, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, I wanted it shorter. Yeah.

It's very hard to convince my hairdresser of that. She wants something to play with on top. Yeah, yeah. Short on the sides sides longer on top yeah no i like it sure i would like it would have i haven't had it short in a few years so i it was you know what i think it might take a few visits to actually get her to come around to it yeah does she what does she put in at the end does she put in a gel a mousse she puts in you know what she puts in a wire she's she's's a surveillance thing. Then she sends you around to different hairdressers.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The dirt. Hey, uh, do you think you could shorten this up for me? Uh, uh, no way, sir. You won't trip me up on this.

Um, well, it looks good. It looks sharp. Oh, thanks man. Uh, my one, um, I knew this would happen, but it also, it's like the weather's getting cold. And when I get my haircut short, there's something about the shape of my head that when I put on a toque, a woolen hat, I look completely bald. There's not enough sticking out the sides. It's just like. That's like powder.

Yeah, I look like powder. I look like um boy uh you can't think of an example it's not offensive that's right yes that's why i went with powder yeah that little that movie about the mother who keeps her daughter sick oh uh yeah what's it called i mean the documentary is called mummy dead and dearest um munchausen by proxy. Yeah, that's the disease the mother has. It's a disease, and a lot of people don't talk about it, but disease is keeping somebody sick. Anyway, I look like Joey King in a toque. But with those big lips. Yeah, exactly.

Our guest today, one of our favorites here on the podcast, a returning guest who is part of a podcast that Dave's a part of as well called Let's Make a Horror, Mr. Mark Chavez. Hi. Hey. How are you two doing? It's good to be here. Good to be here as well. I got a haircut too.

Did you? Yeah, a couple days ago. How'd it feel? Really? A couple days ago? I thought it was a few weeks ago. No. Well, I did also Yeah, a couple days ago How'd it feel? Really? A couple days ago? I thought it was a few weeks ago No, well I did also get one a few weeks ago Both It feels good

My hairdresser is always like What are we doing today? And it's like What are you doing? He's like You are going to do what you want to do I'm going to spin around in the chair And you see how many cuts you can make

He does a dry cut on me Which I actually like Oh really And then he washes it Okay Oh okay yeah Does a little trim first Cuts dry then wash

Then a tiny little Clean up after that Mine Lubes up my head Yeah Just covers it In like KY jelly

Like Before or after Before During And then she puts a hoop A smaller hoop on his head and she wears a dental dam um uh what is your hair cutting frequency uh i try to do every six weeks but i i can't keep but you could the one you got and you got one in like mid-september didn't you yeah i got one like six weeks ago but it was only six was that yeah that's

only six weeks ago and it was that was an extreme cut because i've been wearing my hair longer cool so that's that's why you all the guys in extreme wear their hair long yeah yes but all two yeah no no gary you remember their names i remember gary and nuno nuno nuno betancourt played guitar It was He was a beautiful man Yes Had a nose ring And then Gary Cherone I only know

He played tambourine He sang But he eventually Replaced Sammy Hagar In Van Halen Oh I had no idea

Is that real? Yeah that was a big deal The more than words guy Is the now Van Halen No not anymore No no Now it's David Lee Roth Well also Eddie Van Halen's dead That's true Yeah deal the more than words guy is the now van no not anymore no no now it's uh david lee roth well

also eddie van halen's dead that's true yeah david lee roth is back in van halen he was for whatever over eddie van halen's dead body yeah oh my gosh um he was back he was back on the who do we think is in van halen now uh i know randy rhodes randy rhodes the late randy rhodes uh yeah uh warns yvonne late warns yeah it's a it's a all the it's a seven people you meet in heaven um i think wolfgang van halen burton ellie is in it uh van helsling van helsing yes uh vampire hunter guy um van wilder that's the whole yeah. Yeah, they were done. What a great band. Let's get to know us, you guys. Yeah.

Get to know us. So, you guys, the two of yous, working on this podcast. Well, it's Mark. You've done this before. Mark, Matty, Kelly, past guest, and Ryan Beal, past guest. Yeah. They did a season of Let's Make a Sci-Fi, where they made a science fiction pilot. They did a season of Let's Make a Rom-Com, where they made a Rom-Com pitch presentation.

Yeah. And this season, they're back on CBC Podcast. And I'll throw it to Mark right away. Yeah. Nice. Good setup. Thank you, Dave. Great setup.

Yeah, we're doing a horror this season. And the difference is that we decided to shoot a short horror film as our final product. Shoot and edit and present. And we have to put it up online for everyone to see who wants to, no matter how good it turns out. No, even people who don't want to. You're putting it online for everyone to see. Everyone's going to see.

Yeah. Are comments going to be turned on on everyone? Yeah, probably. And it's going to be sent out like one of those emergency alerts. Like everybody's going to know that it's available.

That's worse than just being available on iTunes like U2's album. Yeah, it's just going to be on everybody. Everyone's worse than just being available on iTunes like U2's album. It's just going to be on everybody's computer. Everyone's going to just have it. So yeah, that's the... As of now, we've already shot it. We've shot the film. I've seen two

rough cuts so far. Draft 2. And? It's coming along, Graham. It's not immediately successful, in it's you know it's coming along graham okay okay uh it's not you know it's not immediately successful but it's also missing a lot of elements what i.e the music yes and what category are we a slasher are we a a boogity man are we uh you know a sci-fi thriller kind of horror movie. Psychological. Psychological, yeah. I would say it is, so it's Cabin in the Woods, psychological, not so much slasher.

Okay. But there is a kind of a supernatural monster involved. Okay. And we shot it in two days in Hope. Okay. So we were making a lot of Rambo First Blood jokes when we were out there. Nice. Hope is where Rambo, the first Rambo was made.

There's statues of Rambo and the Colonel in Hope. Yeah. And that Joe Don Baker. That sounds right. Or Brian Dennehy. I don't think it, is it Brian Dennehy? I don't know. I feel like nobody

was in First Blood except like, nobody famous was in it. Yeah, not even Sylvester Stallone at the time. Yeah. So yeah.

I'm looking up First Blood. Everyone, shut up. You type. But it's, it's, it's a fun scene. We have a lot of great guests

this season. And it was really like, we, it was a pretty fast turnover because we wanted to get it out by Halloween. Why? Because it's horror. Ah, yes. So we were like. Brian Dennehy. That's Brian Dennehy.

Well, he's in it. That's who Brian Dennehy is, is the colonel. I guess so. Now I know, now I can match the name in the face. Yeah, nice. I get him confused with. Kool-Aid man. I mean, there's no character called Colonel. I guess. Now I know, now I can match the name in the face. Yeah. Nice. I get him confused with, uh, uh, no. Kool-Aid man. I mean, there's no character called Colonel on IMDb.

There's a character, his character is called Teasel. Are you serious? T-E-A-S-L-E. Is it Colonel Teasel? I don't know. That can't be right. There's no, all the characters have one, uh, have one name. Okay.

Easier script, right? How many names did you guys put in your script? Three, two, three. Three. Four even. No, three. Does your character have a name? My character in the actual script and film is unnamed, but we colloquially called it the Chubba Chubba.

Chubba Chubba. So are the three of you in the movie? Yes. Oh, wow. Okay. okay yeah that was their challenge they had to write produce direct and star in a short horror film three to ten minutes yeah and this is a type of thing that's done in a really unconventional way i mean i don't know if there's any like convention to making a short horror film, but we, you know, this was baked out of a, of, of a writing room where we all pitched ideas to each other and then like picked the one that we thought we could do. And this is all on the show. Yeah.

It's pitching and writing and this, this leads up to it. You'll get to hear it all. Um, and then now the editing process is kind of, is funny cause you know, there's a lot of committee coming in and being like but this but this yeah um uh but as i i was elected director which was really fun because i got vote mark yeah vote i was appointed i guess i should say um and uh so i i kind of get the final say on everything which has been nice it's been fun for the for the editing process but it's also like for yeah, fun for me. Everyone else like, dude, stop it. Stop having fun with it.

Uh, so I'm, I'm, it was re it's like the process was incredibly fun, which has been great. Um, we'll see. I think it's going to turn out great. We have, um, Joseph Schweres, who was our, our editor, is so good and just really great to work. So it's been really fun to kind of. And then you also, along the way, you talk to people who have expertise in the world of. And that's the same for the other shows as well. You talk to different people and hear what their kind of say on things is.

So who do you talk to well um episode one is eduardo sanchez who is the uh the co-creator uh writer director of the blair witch project too scary uh too scary for you haven't seen it yeah i haven't seen it but it's too scary but you're a horror fan aren't you graham remember that during covid when we watched midnight meat train man i'll never forget is that a horror movie yeah oh yeah it was bradley cooper yes bradley cooper's in it and uh oh the guy vinnie jones god it was funny we we put it on zoom and then one of us had to turn our volume down wait what did you how did you watch it was during it was deep covid so we graham and i weren't allowed to see each other i

know but couldn't you just watch it like we'd screen share like something it was like we were still figuring out the tech oh yeah you could have like you couldn't have just watched it on your tvs and then talk to each other on zoom and been like oh i'm scared well i at the time only had a computer oh okay yeah uh and now you have a son and now i have a son so i he's trading in that computer have a son. And now I have a son. So I have a whole lot of one. He's trading in that computer for a son. Like Geppetto. Yeah. Yeah. So we, yeah, you like, you're a, you love horror. I watched one last night that was so bad.

It was a Norwegian one. And it's just like, the premise was great, but it also needs somebody who knows how to create suspense, which there was zero of it in this movie. That might be my problem as a director too. But like the soundtrack wasn't good. And that's what you were saying. Like the music actually does sell. It sells so much. And we've got,

um, we got Emin Hall on the hook right now doing some music for us scoring. Um, and so there's a difference between, uh, help me out here between sound editing and, uh, scoring. And so so we like there

is some sound elements like in the rough drafts that are that are that are helping sell some things but it's we really need that score to kind of let the audience know when to be scared yeah yeah yeah oh yeah that's true i've never thought about watching a jump scare without the sound because so much of it is the like blink yeah you know okay there's one person you talked to this year who talked about jaws that's such a good um uh quote that from him and who was it i'm don't do this to me no no i i because it wasn't matt gorley it was uh oh, uh. Oh, Gary Michael. Gary. Yes. Michael Schwartz. Gary Michael Schwartz.

Thank you. He had this great quote where he was saying that you spend, um, uh, that score, you know, the, the famous Dan, Dan, you, you, you, you're taught it throughout the whole film. Yes. And then near the end of the film, Jaws pops out and there's no music and it And it scares you to death because you haven't been given any warning at that point. Ah, that's cool. Every other time you have. I'm Jaws.

I'm Jaws. I just want to be friends. I want to be friends. Aw, poor Jaws. I want to hug you with my mouth. Yeah. Uh, that,

yeah. So I'm, I'm excited to get some music on there. Um, we, Mark did a bunch of CBC interviews, like you did a day. Oh my God.

Uh, it's called a syndication run. Cause CBC, every city has a, uh, afternoon show and a morning show. Right. And you just, like, they'll send out a thing to all the hosts and producers all across Canada.

And they'll say, hey, do you want to talk to Mark? Or whatever the things that are being promoted. And then it's Mark's job for a day to talk to 20 radio hosts. Oh, it's all like, it's like the press junket. Yeah. Wow. So I'm just at home, and I'm sitting in front of my computer with, like, ready to open a Zoom link or and or answer a phone. And they kind of don't tell you, like, until, like, the very moment.

So I'm just kind of, like, on call. Yeah, command central. For five, almost five hours. Wow. And they, the thing is, is they pre-interview you, and this is normal. Like, even for like one interview, you might go in for a pre-interview the day before,

or a couple of days before. And they ask you to kind of go through the questions, but they do it like a mock interview, which I think is very funny, because like you're suddenly doing a role play with someone. They're like, and. You're you. I'm.

Yeah, her, I, her. And like, so Mark, I'm curious. Pretend like you're tied up. Yeah her I her and like so Mark I'm curious and pretend like you're tied up it's kind of funny and just yeah just also it's like the top of the hour

and there's a traffic jam and we just told you about it so the the the the pre-interview went fine and every question that like went through

my little filter was like oh this is this is all good and then the next day when i started getting doing the interviews uh the first interviewer uh asked me how do you make horror entertaining no it was enjoyable enjoyable thank you how do you make horror enjoyable and i was like what uh i think a lot of people find horror and i can answer like like almost defensively like what are like? Why are you asking me that? Yeah, it's a weird,

it's a huge genre. And it's like, you know, and then I realized because the next person asked me that, that it was a, it was a question that everyone got. And I don't know. Oh, that they were supposed to ask.

Yeah. And I don't know. It wasn't in the pre-interview. It was not in the pre-interview. It had it been, I would have been like that. It's, it's a oddly. I'm breaking character for a second. That question sucks. Yeah i couldn't i didn't you definitely don't have time to like

do that because everything is like time to like five minutes so you're only on so i had to answer that question i just would like i would just be like oh we've talked to so many cool people and we're making like i just kind of skirted around it but But had I known that that was going to, I would have thrown a real fit. Yeah. And I did. A little shit fit. And I am right now. Yeah.

He's been having a shit fit for the last few weeks. But the reason I brought that up is because we like, you don't, we don't have to do that kind of a talk with you. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, we don't have to get too deep into it. Those are listeners are going to listen. Yeah. Unless they're too scared.

It is pretty scary. It sounds scary. So Maddie, co-host Maddie Kelly, does not like horror at all, and that's been quite fun during the season for her to talk about how she won't watch something and refuses. Yeah. So it's kind of for anyone. Like, if you don't like horror, I think it's actually great. So it's kind of for anyone. Like if you don't like horror, I think it's actually great.

There's, uh, like a whole kind of new genre of horror that kind of rotates around current events that involve women. So things about being believed and things about, uh, you know, having a demon baby.

Uh, and what does that mean for a woman and all that kind of stuff? Did you hear recent horror movies? These are recent. Yeah. Yeah. There's one called Watcher, which is like, like's baby it's not reason yeah that's what i that's what i assumed you were talking about what's watcher watcher is one where this this woman

knows that somebody across the street is watching them but nobody believes her of course everybody saying well you're being hysterical there's no you know and then they meet the guy and they're like he's fine what are you what are you talking about he's fine he's a nice man yeah and then they meet the guy and they're like, he's fine. What are you talking about? He's fine. He's a nice man. Yeah. And then, well, he turns out to be not so nice. Yes. Turns out that she is correct. So.

I find those types, like I would, sounds great. Like it sounds like a good movie. I find that type of stuff so frustrating to watch because people like they amp up the way people are so hard on those. Yeah. I would assume. I haven't seen this one. But you're like, I think that guy's watching me.

Oh, shut up. You know. I would assume. I haven't seen this one. But you're like, I think that guy's watching me. Oh, shut up. You know? Why would anyone watch you? Get out of here. I'm the worst person and I'm your best friend. No, he's not. He's 100% not.

Now let's go back to doing our things. Ugh! And I don't want to hear about it again. No, you can't close the drapes. Now go get changed. I'm telling you, he's watching me and I'm hysterical about it.

You're not that funny. Hysterical has two meanings. This is the time to bring that up. But like, did you talk to people, blair witch is kind of supernatural yeah did you talk to anybody who's like had the more uh you know realistic uh you know uh psycho killer yeah well i think gillian flynn probably the the person that best fits that but uh she wrote gone girl oh i love gone girl but it's. And Sharp Object. It's tense.

Which is pretty, has a lot of horror. And she, when we interviewed her, she was like, oh yeah, I know. I listened to the podcast. Oh, nice. That's cool. She was so great. She was just very, actually every one of our guests, I think this season was just like really easy to talk to, very helpful.

really easy to talk to very helpful um but yeah so she she uh she um said that she gets categorized as domestic thriller or and like which i think is a terribly sexist thing like way to categorize her work because because it's about things at the home uh right which is very which is very real but so is the halloween yeah exactly like why is that not domestic yeah really any like cabin that you're in or house where you're being chased around that's all the mats scream yeah yeah yeah um oh gone girl's so good it's so good i've watched it so many really yeah i love it i uh. I'm, I'm, I don't like horror movies really, but I like

kind of scary situations. And, and this week. Adult situations. I like adult situations for sure. This week I watched

Panic Room. Oh, I love Panic Room. Jodie Foster. Jodie Foster. Yeah. Dwight Yoakam. Dwight Yoakam,

Forrest Whitaker, Kristen Stewart. Such a good, yeah, such an amazing cast. Jared Leto. Oh, yeah. I watched a thing about it where it's, who's in charge keeps shifting. Oh, yeah. Like, who's in charge shifts from the burglars to Jodie Foster and back and forth and back and forth. Right. It's a venture.

Why does she have a panic room? Uh, they just moved. She just, she's divorced from her very rich husband. And so she buys this enormous house in Manhattan. And, uh,

the previous owner was a super rich guy and he had a panic room and it's night one of being in this new house. Right. And so she's like, let's test it out and i think the robbers think that he's still there no they think it he's dead so they think no one's there oh okay and they think that there's still money in the house they think there's money in the panic room have you guys seen panic groom yeah it's a romantic comedy matt Matt Dillon's in it. So good.

Yeah. Cynthia Nixon is in it. Their chemistry is through the charts. Yeah. No one knew back then. And Matt Dillon doing all that physical comedy being the Panic Groom. Yeah. I mean.

I don't know. Maybe it won't near. Hey. Everyone went as panic groom for Halloween that year and like people wore like their

vibrating tuxedo oh yeah 1970 10 yeah and the other sort of not horror

but unsettling movie I watched was Cape Fear oh I love Cape Fear that's such a good movie I've never seen it before oh i don't think it is such a good movie really oh does it oh i thought it's great i remember loving it because

i'm like uh i knew it was a martin scorsese yeah and it doesn't feel like it feels like a very run of the mill 90s thriller disagree but uh robert de niro is so good he's so good And Nick Nolte is like Believable as a dad Which I never thought Would be the case Yeah that's a good point It's very funny at the start Where they're in the movies Because I knew like

These iconic scenes Like there's the one Where he's like Working out in prison Yeah There's the one Where he's in the movie theater Smoking a cigar

And laughing so hard So uncomfortable But what I didn't know Was that the movie theater smoking a cigar and laughing so hard. It's so uncomfortable. But what I didn't know was that the movie they're seeing is Problem Child. That's so funny. It is so funny. And so Nick Nolte, Jessica, Nick Nolte's in a suit with Jessica Lange, and Julia Lewis is a, like, 15-year-old girl. Yeah, yeah.

And they're all just at a family viewing of Problem Child. Problem Child. And it's a matinee, right? No, it's at night. Oh, it's at night, okay. But they're like, can you keep it down, please? Like, why? It's Problem Child.

It's hilarious. Yeah, and there's no sign that says, don't smoke in this theater. That's 1991. You probably can smoke. They're mad at his laugh. He should be mad at his cigar. Also, they drive a jeep cherokee

oh you just refer to it as the cherokee and i i i remember that was just literally like a huge car at the time oh yeah yeah yeah i think i just that's also probably the last car named after an indigenous tribe i just love a movie that has like that weird like overbearing sound that's soundtrack it's like what's that how does it how does that the song go yeah but it's just like so present i really love that about that and he does he does this thing that they do in a lot of horror movies where he's like does things that technically aren't illegal yeah yeah that are intimidating like strapping yourself under a car yeah exactly that's not illegal mechanics do it i'm not getting in the car i'm just getting under the car and he wears really great clothes like i think it's because he like he got out of prison after

going in in the late 70s and so he's got all these late 70s clothes oh he keeps his oh of course because he didn't pop into Banana Republic after he got into prison. Give me one of everything. Yeah, no, it's, it's,

you know, three stars. Three stars. Three out of five. Okay, three out of five. I'd still watch that if it was on Shudder. It's funny,

Shudder has a system, it's Skulls, it's Skulls out of five. Oh, okay. And a lot of their own movies are not ranked five like they're like yeah well we tried i guess oh sure this is gonna be a three sculler yeah yeah that's good that's decent i love netflix and whoever else creates their own content is the same yeah possibly i just i know these is netflix like uh the david beckham

documentary is five stars well net no but net, they wouldn't present that at all. Like I'm surprised like a streaming service would even like let you know with the way Netflix covers it. Like because they'll do like top 10, but they don't be like they don't be they don't say this is a bad. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder or like they'll give you like is there an algorithm this is a, this is a four star movie for you probably. Oh yeah. That's what I thought it was.

I thought maybe it's like your choice of this is close to what you would like, but I don't know if that is it or not. They send me an email every week. That's like, here's a movie you might like. They're wrong every time. I might not. I mean, I, I, I have a feeling. Yeah. Cause they, they, they don't, they don't have me pegged very well either.

At, uh, at the good people have me pegged very well either. At the good people at Shudder? At Netflix. Oh, at Netflix. Yeah. Netflix, yeah, I come and go. Sometimes I get exactly perfect on that. You're like, yep, you got me. Yeah.

Nice workout. What's your favorite Shudder film that you've seen? Can you give me a couple? Like Shudder originals? Or just anything you've seen on what are you can you get can you give me a couple uh uh like shutter originals or just anything you've seen on shutter on that streaming because i really want to get it i think i'm i think i'm now a horror fan um but i don't really know there's uh i'm trying to think like always when i've put on the spot i'm like i don't remember the names of anything sorry to do that thousands of movies on shutter yeah I feel like it's just because it's such a weird genre that like, how do you make it enjoyable? Well, I think a lot of people actually find that it's a huge genre.

I insist that you change that question. Yeah, it doesn't feel like Amazon where you're just like waiting through trash like for days. They have collections. Nice. So you can pick from, you know, monster horror, alien horror, slasher, foreign horror. And the foreign ones are really wild. They're like what goes for horror in the Netherlands or in Germany or France is so different than what is. It's just problem child.

I remember I used to watch. Which would be scary, German. In the early 2000s, I feel like there was a big, after The Ring, there was a lot of like foreign horror breaking through. And there was a lot of that movie just made and remade and then remade. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What was the big one that came after The Ring?

The Grudge. The Grudge. Yeah. Which I still get confused with the two of them. I just watched The Grudge not that long ago. It's not very good. Hmm. I, boy, I wouldn't be able to remember every detail of this, but there was a really good French movie called With a Friend Like Harry about like this family is just like on a weekend away.

And then that guy runs into a guy from high school named Harry. Uh, and he doesn't remember him, but Harry remembers everything about this guy. That's good. And is like, I remember you, you wrote this great science fiction story in the yearbook. Oh, that's so cool. And then, uh, Harry harry starts um acting weird they get like he's like well you'll have to join us for the weekend and then things get weird yes i do enjoy the like uh friendly oh what's the one that it's called the gift and there's a guy uh in it that's so he's just trying to be a nice guy but he's got is it the

keanu reeves in that one no there's one with jason bateman too that this is that's the one is that yes that's the gift yeah yeah and uh the guy is like the same thing like he's not doing anything illegal and he's like i'm just trying to be your friend and then it just spirals out of control and you're like was was he bad the whole time? Or was he just like doing an act of revenge? There's a really good one called Run. Okay. The Keanu Reeves was in The Gift in 2000.

Oh. With a different genre, right? With Cate Blanchett and Katie Holmes. I think it was, it's a Sam Raimi. Oh, is it the same film? No. No, maybe the other one is just called Gift. No, they're both called The Gift.

They're both called The Gift. Ah the gift run run is really good that's a psychological one and then there's one called crawl which is about a flood and getting caught in the flood and you're being stalked by an alligator so there's run crawl and then walk there's uh yes yeah walk would be good there's one called don't breathe oh it's a a trio of criminals break into a house of a blind man unknowing that this blind man is a navy seal and can fight them no problem with i love that stuff yeah and that's a horror movie it gets pretty oh it gets pretty intense wow and then the sequel one of the worst movies ever made easily keep don't breathe yeah keep don't breathing deep not breathing steep sorry okay but when you were doing the junket did anybody did anybody have like a silly question that they, here's this final question.

Yeah, there was one guy got on and before we actually started recording, he was like, I'm calling from London. Not the big one, not the good one. London, Ontario. We have high crime rates and lots of theft. I was like, I've been there. I, you know, I've been there. It's been a while. Don't come back.

You don't want to, um, okay, let's get this started. Hi. I'm sitting. Uh, that's the guy who's really wants out of his gig. Yeah. Yeah. And then there was another one, uh, where, uh, minor spoiler for our show, but he, uh, he, he looked at my IMDB and he's like, you talk about not being into horror, but what are, and he starts listing all these titles on my

IMDb that I was in when I was quite young that are horror movies. Oh, really? And I was like, you, what? You've done your research. So that was funny. But most of the people, there's no time. They just stuck right to the seven questions. Since they're right to the, right to the seven. It says there right after you, they're gonna, they have to interview whatever. Yeah.

This is this person from this. A city councilor. Yeah. Why, why is, uh, being a city council, why is that enjoyable?

I had a really, there was a really nice, I forget her name, I think it was Lindsay something, but she, she does, uh, this,

the, the interior, uh, like kind of everywhere but Vancouver and Victoria and BC show. And she, she was really kind of frazzled when she got on. She had just had this like really intense interview about like real world issues and was like so apologetic. And I was like, don't be, this is like, and she was like really nice. And then we had like a really, really great interview.

And then we kind of hit it off. We kind of hit it off. I mean, I don't know. She might be listening. We were just vibing. Yeah. But like anything that kind of like changes the dynamic, like the rote kind of like going,

like it's always so helpful. Like not that I wanted her to have this like intense, terrible experience right before talking to me. But I don't think it was a terrible experience. She, not that I wanted her to have this like intense, terrible experience right before, uh, talking to me, but I don't think it was a terrible experience. She was just like, really like,

like, well, maybe you should do that in your like personal life. Like, yeah, I gotta go to the store today. Um, maybe I should make sure that the cashier had a bad morning.

Now see, you're Mr. Glass. This is, now we're just coming up with ideas for horror films, which I think is what we should just do. Are you pouring some water, Dan?

Yeah, sorry, did I? That's a little foley. I like water. It's, you know, I drink a lot of it. I try to, you know, you think you drink a lot in the winter, but in the summer, but I actually drink a lot more as the. I do too. I get dehydrated in the winter.

I think it's because everywhere it goes heated yeah so it's dry yeah yeah do you want me to pour you some water cram uh do it okay here you go now mark most most of our listeners would recognize you from um uh this commercial you've been in for the last year. And I've only discovered that it's

in two languages. Yeah, I did it in Spanish. No, it's nada. No, it's nada. Yeah. Oh, my, it's nada.

So, okay, let me paint you a picture. Okay. Mark's in an office and his stomach makes a gurgling noise and he says, no, it's

nada. It's nothing. And his coworker says says you have diarrhea she says sounds like something and they do a big nausea harper and also stomach indigestion diarrhea dance yeah now is that international or is that just the canadian it certainly is no i guess it's but it's in the states it's it's it's the spanish is united states spanish it's like california and yeah markets yeah no it's but it's in the states it's it's it's the spanish is united states spanish it's like california and yeah markets yeah no it's not a dude yeah uh i yeah i forgot i found the spanish one and you found it too i found it too yeah yeah uh yeah so you want me to talk about

no i don't know i know How do you make a diarrhea commercial that's not enjoyable? So I've done a lot of commercials, but this one is like the one that everyone has seen. Because I guess they just play it. They play Pepto-Bismol commercials on every platform. Yeah, yeah. No matter what you're a fan of, whether you're like golf or horror movies. It's the thing that unites us all.

Yeah. They're not targeted. Yeah. It's just like kind of just full everywhere. And it's not like I get recognized outside of like, nobody's come up to me and been like, Hey, are you the Pepto Bismol guy?

So that's good. Can you sign my bottle? Yeah. But it is the thing that I've done that everyone from my past has reached out. What is the big, in the casting, would you rather play the guy, a guy dancing about it or a guy having it? I think, in my opinion, I have the, because I have the comedic part, if you could even call it that. Right. Because I do like a look.

Yeah. You know, I'm like, oh, my stomach. And the whole story is that I really like the woman that I'm talking to. Oh, is it? That was the direction. The director was like, you are Jim and Pam. My character's name is Jim. Her name's Pam. Her name's Pam.

And you like her. And so they wanted this like. Oh, so there's a whole like. They wanted me to feel. And she likes you because she's prepared to dance. Yeah. And no one, by the way, she's mentioning a bunch of symptoms in the song. It's diarrhea.

Oh, she's the one who dances. She gets up and dances. So she has like a bigger part than me. Oh, I haven't. Have you not seen it? I've seen it, but I didn't realize that it was her. I just thought it was the like random singers yeah that show up well there are two random people who show up and dance with and i saw i saw one of them uh about a year later and

we made eye contact in this room this auditioning room and she like and she kind of beeline to me and she's like how are you liking your your fame and i was like we both kind of just like shook our heads at each other now Now this is in commercial world. This is all I ever hear. An American national commercial is the one that you're, that's the one you're after, isn't it? Yeah. But this is the reason I left. I joined the union because the, um, the non-union deals here in Canada are just, they're, they're just not great.

Like you, you, you get a buyout, you, they, which is good for a year. Usually, um, I've signed longer buyouts, which are, you know, for more money for, for more years,

but, um, they re-bought this one. So it's, this is the second year. It's a hit. It's a hit. It is.

Yeah. So it's the second year that it's airing. He's having a fit. Uh, and if next year they're like, they're, they're re-upping it. You get a little bit more every year,

but, uh, I, it really, like I'd, I'd done enough commercials and I joined the union right when all the strikes happened. So it was like a terrible time to join the union, but I still don't regret it. I don't, I just feel it's a bit abusive for the actors. Um, in the Spanish version, the song is still English, right? Yeah. Everything else is, well, the, the, the VO is Spanish version, the song is still English, right? Yeah, everything else is. Well, the VO is Spanish, but the song is English. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think there's a French version that's just. Mon ami. Which we didn't actually do. And then I had a tutor. I had a Spanish speaking helper outer on Zoom. No, it's not. She worked with me for like an hour and some.

And she said I have an accent when I speak Spanish. And I sound, she was trying to go for it. And I don't want to misquote her, but she was like, you sound lower class than I want you to sound. Oh, yeah. In my accent. So I had to like. Sound like sporty spice. I had to change it up a bit.

Yeah, yeah. Which I found so interesting just doing the one line. Did you speak Spanish at all? No. I mean, I speak like, I speak like a little, like when I go to Mexico with my friends, I'm always the one who does the talking. But I am not fluent by any stretch. Was there a lot of Spanish in Albuquerque?

Yeah. In New Mexico, there's, there's fully Spanish speaking communities. Um, and Albuquerque has a lot of Spanish speaking people. Um, very, yeah, very huge Spanish speaking population. Uh, is it like, cause I know in Calgary, uh, the last of us became like a local industry. So I only assumed that like the breaking bad universe was like, Oh, everybody who worked in that worked on that. Oh yeah. Yeah.

It was huge. It was like, uh, I was, I think we've talked to you about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure we probably did, but yeah, it was like, um, all my friends are in it except for me. Like I auditioned for a part, but the part that I auditioned for. Jesse Pinkman.

No, no, no way. Is like a tough gangster guy that like, I was like, oh, no wonder they didn't hire me. It's nothing. Yeah. Can I play a gangster with diarrhea? This was before that day. But maybe you were on this path.

The character is Johnny Squirt. Oh, this is perfect for me. It's nothing. It's nothing. No, it's nothing. What's your gang called? The Painful Cramps. Yeah.

No, it's big. We actually did a Breaking Bad tour. I'm sure I talked to you about this too. The house with the pizzas on it. Please stop throwing pizzas on it, throwing pizzas on our house to the woman who owns it.

That's right. Yeah. Please stop throwing pizzas on my house. Please stop throwing pizzas on me. We came with three pizzas, but we want to throw three. We're like holding them. Are you going to throw those on my roof?

No, no. We just wanted to make sure that you knew we were going to throw these on your roof so that, uh, you've got that ladder ready to go peel them off. And then also since the last time you were on, you've had a kid the last time you were on, but now he's. How old is he? He's two and a half.

His name is still Cosmo and he's the light of my life. No, he's very. Yes, I know. I know. And yes, I know. So he's, he's, he's doing, he, um, he started to say the word, he started to say things are weird, which I don't think he knows the meaning of, which is very cute. He's like, I don't like that. It's weird.

Um, the other day we walked by a car and he goes, look at that car. It's similar to our car. And I was like, when did you learn similar? And I texted my wife and I was like, he just said similar. And she was like, yeah, he did that yesterday. I don't know where he got it. Here are the similarities. Yeah.

He makes an appearance in Let's Make a Whore. He does? Yeah. So we have a little Easter egg at the end of every episode where there's this like story unfolding and he's part of it. Nice. A creepy kid voice. Yeah, he does. In the distance.

And by the way, I recorded him and it was a snap because he repeats everything. It was very easy. It was very fun. And you do a fun bit with him. I don't know if he still does it where you tell him to act nonchalant. That was his first joke. Yeah. And he was really young when he learned it, like one.

And I was like, be nonchalant. And he goes, do, do, do, do, do. Oh, hi. And then he'll say nonchalant and be like, I'm be nonchalant and he goes oh hi and then he'll say nonchalant and be like i'm being nonchalant oh hi yeah uh so training him early yeah yeah yeah we get him in the biz get him in the biz um yeah that's happened my eye fell fell apart. Oh, yeah. That was my summer. My retina detached. Oh, yeah. So that, we don't have to talk too much about it, but it is.

It's going to do it. It's very. So, okay, I'll just go through the story really quick. I had a. We got all day, Mark. Yeah. Okay. I just don't, I just don't want to bore people.

No, people love being bored. Yeah, exactly. You know what? It helps you get, be creative. Have a little boredom. Yeah. Okay, I just don't want to bore people. No, people love being bored. Yeah, exactly. You know what? It helps you be creative. Have a little boredom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, great, yeah. Yeah, because this is Fall Asleep 2 show.

Yeah, we demand it. Yeah, although we do have a lot of lucid dreamers who then can fly while listening. Good fuck. I'm one of them. I'm a lucid dreamer. How do you, do you have to train yourself for it? No, it's only during naps or like, or like if I've waken up in the morning already and fallen back asleep.

And then, yeah, I often make my arms grow long. When you're lucid dreaming, you still are fighting dreaming. Like you're still like really trying to like because your your sleep dream will kind of take over and you'll forget that you're aware this is literally the plot of the movie i watched last night oh really yeah it was about a lucid dreamer and her trying to train herself to yeah take take control yeah it was so bad it's so bad and it's also it's also kind of like a bad thing to talk about in a way because it sounds very it's just so hokey and weird sounding, but like,

but Lucy dreamer was the sequel to panic groom. Lucille ball. But yeah, I, my, my go-to is to fly. Cause that's, but,

but to make my arms stretch so I can grab something like a, like a plastic man. Oh, I love that. And it, and it can usually works. Yeah. Um so i uh i had a uh cataract oh wow which is uh uh which took forever for my doctors to diagnose because i'm quite young right uh so they were like i i couldn't i already very bad vision in my eyes very nearsighted i have bad vision in my ears but

pretty good vision in my eyes oh that's good yeah that bad vision in my ears but pretty good vision in my eyes oh that's good yeah that's who's saying that my ear vision is awful don't breathe quick don't breathe uh so they they they i got sent to many specialists because one of my eyes my right eye was um uncorrectable like i started seeing double out of it and the vision was dropping dramatically and they were like, I don't know what this is. So they checked my retina, they checked my cornea, they, they did all this other testing. And finally, uh, some specialists were like,

it's for sure a cataract. We just can't quite see it yet, but it's your lens is, is fogging up the way a cataract does. So great. That's correctable. And the surgery is like relatively easy you go in like i went so i went in to get my uh my cataract surgery you you go in and like i'm wearing my shoes like i have my converse on like in you just lay down and they played this like

sitar music like it's a like kind of like a massage therapy spa. You just kind of lay down. They put goop in your eye. Hello, Gwyneth. And then the process is so, like they just numb your eye, but you're not under any influence of any drugs or anything. And they start cutting into your eye. Yipes.

They pull your lens out. They scrape all the lens material out of your eye, and then they slide a new lens in. And this is just probably too late now, but Mark's going to talk about some gross stuff. Sorry. Yeah. I should have said something. And they then, so it's going to get worse.

Oh, good. But they. Now go back to sleep. Now go back to sleep. They play this, because I've only, I'm only, only there's probably you probably have ophthalmologists who are listening who could help me up big they would be very big in that crowd anytime i've gone to the eye doctor i've i've always thought this person will never listen to my podcast they're all stressed out and um my optometrist is a fan of the sunday service which is the improv group i mean

which is very which i was so nice but anyway um the uh they i think that what they have is a an audio kind of interface that helps them understand what they're seeing because there was this like crazy sound going on while he was trying to get the lens was like and it kind of matched the sitar music it was like the sitar music was happening and then suddenly it was like, and it was just like machine. And then that voice would come on and go like, cool. Bah. And it was like, so dis like disconcerting.

Wow. And then eventually they slide the lens in and you can just kind of see your field of vision, like suddenly just like somebody appears, it's quite blurry, but you could like, I could just see this guy slide in and that was the ophthalmologist. I'm like, okay, you're done. And so like, I was just done. So like for a week, it took a couple of days and my, my vision cleared up and it not only clears up, but it like corrects your vision.

Like I have like for that week, I had 2020 vision in my right. I'd never had that in my life. Like I just have corrected vision. And then like a week to the day, uh, my retina ripped into. Fuck off, really? Yeah. So like all of a sudden, you know, I was seeing these like arcs of light and then my vision was just like smeared in all these like black dots. I've seen the candy man.

The candy. Every time I looked in the mirror, the candy man. The candy. Every time I looked in the mirror, the candy man was behind me. Yeah. Uh, it was going candy man, candy man. Um,

and they, uh, so then that I had to go after like going to like the emergency room and like seeing one guy when I saw one emergency ophthalmologist or optometrist and he was like, go see this other ophthalmologist the next day. So I had to like wait a day, but then it got worse. So I went to the emergency room and the emergency room doctor looked at me and then he was like, okay.

Does it still get worse, the things you're describing? Well, the surgery, the retina surgery is kind of not great. Okay. Coming up. It's coming up. After this break, the retina surgery. great. Okay.

Coming up. It's coming up. After this break. The retina surgery. So they, he sent me to another guy and it's like midnight and this guy is to like turn on like the eye care center lights to like see me. This freaking going in at midnight to an optometrist? And the emergency room doctor walked me there because I was at the emergency room and he was like, do you know where the eye care center is?

I was like, yeah. He's like, I'm going to send you there right now. And you walked into a wall. And I was like, I literally was like, I don't don't i don't know where i know where it is i've been there but and he was like so nice he was like no i'll walk you he was like in his scrubs like walking me across the street oh yeah uh and then that guy that ophthalmologist saw me and he was like yeah you gotta tear go see this guy in the morning so i go see the guy in the morning and he's like oh yeah you gotta you gotta tear and a detachment so we have to do surgery uh but i can't fit you until tuesday and this is a sunday he's like

meanwhile i have to do laser on your other eye so he puts me in a room and does all this intense laser surgery on my other eye because if you have a tear in one eye you're susceptible to like happening to the other eye so it does all the same that knocks my vision all wonky for a week and that i and by the way he had to direct a movie yeah so this is all during our like during the heat of our horror like podcast like the movie the uh directed like the shoot date can't be moved yeah there's people fly like maddie has moved to Halifax in the meantime and is flying back for this, and they've rented a cabin to shoot it at. And it's like the critics are like, their inspiration to shoot everything out of focus was so disturbing. It really worked, though.

So, the surgery itself, you, like, they, I and they, they give you fentanyl and some other stuff. So you're kind of like in and out. And you were like, actually, can I have, I have, I have my own. Don't bother. Yeah, no, it's fine. Just do this. Let's get high on my own supply. They do a keyhole surgery.

So they poke a little hole in your eye and then they like, they suck out all the liquid. So all the, all the stuff where you see any float or like that, they take all that out. Huh? liquid so all the all the stuff where you see any float or like that they take all that out huh then they they flatten they do laser and they flatten your retina against the back of the eye and then they fill your eye with a gas bubble yes uh and then put more liquid in your eye and then sew it up i guess uh and you cannot fly you cannot fly and then for the first 24 hours i had to look down at my neck my head had to physically be facing down so the bubble would float up yeah yeah look down so i had to uh not look up for 24 hours which is psychologically just terrible and then i couldn't fly and then i actually had to look because we were filming in hope and i was

like is that really high in elevation because you can't really go up because the bubble in your eye if it the gas bubble will expand it'll expand and blind you and blind you and that's and so i had to wear a little wristband that said can't fly oh yeah because you know when you get on the plane and they check your wrist yeah your wrists because you're trying to say hey you're not supposed to be flying get out of here you uh but the upshot is is that it's it's healing nicely i guess how many fingers am i holding up none yeah fair enough too lazy but my eyes permanently dilated right now permanently well it's not showing any signs of going away so does that mean that more light is getting in yeah okay

so is everything brighter yeah okay yeah and glare, the, your wound is where the light gets in. That's according to the poet roomie. I read that. Yeah. Yeah. And you've got to kick at the darkness to bleed daylight. Yeah. That's a Bruce Coburn.

Oh, here's the, here's the last gross thing. So I took my patch off the next day. So you wear a patch after your surgery and I took it off and my eye was sticking out of my, my, I couldn't close my eye.

Oh shit. It was so red and swollen that it was poking out of the bottom of and it was like all gelatinous and the doctor when he saw it because I had to go in to see him the next day and he was like, oh yeah, that shouldn't be happening.

And he changed my prescription to this this, like stronger steroid cream that I put on my eye. Like you just, so much goes, like I was taking like seven drops and then like smearing this like stuff on my eye. I love it. You like that stuff? Yeah. I love it.

Yeah. Yeah. Dave's not queasy at all. He loves it. Also the character that Mark was supposed to play in the movie the monster has black um not only was he supposed to direct it uh with very limited vision it was supposed to wear black contact lenses oh shit but you couldn't do that could not well listen and see yeah oh sorry yes maybe but also listen because there is some fun uh that'll be that's a fun episode i can't wait to hear that episode actually the bone we have you edited it yet

I mean I'm I'm in the thick of it right now oh that's seven that's episode seven oh okay right how many episodes

ten ten ten episodes and then a film yeah yeah although the film comes out with episode nine

yeah I see and then ten is a live show where do you where are you doing the live show we did it in Toronto we've done it

yeah oh you've done it I think it's the one in Toronto yeah but we're going well I guess we'll already

have gone to yes a thing in LA LA ooh glitzy glamzy yeah

yeah nice work so yeah that's end of trigger warning eye stuff it's nice to say the trigger warning

to the end yeah it's avant-garde. If you want to hear it again, rewind. Yeah. Um, and so,

yeah, people can get the podcast all over, uh, CBC, listen, app,

Apple, anywhere you get your podcast, anywhere you get your podcast. Okay. Okay. That's exciting. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, Dave, what's going on with you? Okay. Well, trigger warning um i'm reading the new britney spears biography don't tell me anything really don't tell me oh i'm telling you everything no don't tell me everything i want to read it uh-uh well what else do i have to talk about i'm gonna read it i've got i'm not gonna spoil things i

better not because they're also have an audience who might be wanting to read it yeah but they look it's been out for three days at this point and i'm half done it it's very fast um yeah i've heard it's a fast she does um i only had that roomie quote because she quotes uh roomie the ancient poet Rumi. Okay. Not ancient. I guess he's from 500 years ago. Yeah, that's ancient. 500? Yeah. No, but like Homer is an ancient poet. Doe, exactly.

He's a doe, annoyed grunt, that kind of thing. Yeah, so I'm reading this Britney Spears book. It's called The Woman in Me, I think. Yeah. And here are, the vibe of the book is i'm like it feels very like a mix between she's like chain smoking and dictating her life story to someone who's writing it down and not going back and like rewriting it um like and then also like sort of like a what if a chat gpt helped you write a book of like chat gpt tell me about baby one more time well baby one more time uh the single was released on april 26 1998 one month later the music video came out

uh the album came out in august and sold 10 million copies like that's in the book wow but also like um so it's talks like i i'm assuming it goes very fast through her career i'm assuming the second half of the book is going to be like her personal life right yeah right well and she yeah i she's been around like since yeah i was 18 she's just been part of the fabric of entertainment ever since yeah yeah yeah and she's got so there's like these little paragraphs that go nowhere where's like, and I was at a party and Paula Cole was there. And I didn't know it at the time, but she's very short. I didn't know it at the time. She's 14 years older than me and she wrote, I don't want to wait.

That's it. You never hear from her. Maybe she comes back later. i don't want to wait that's it you're never here from maybe she comes back later this uh this memoir like when i was a kid memoirs would come out from people that i didn't know right they would be like the tell-all memoir martin landau yeah yeah yeah yeah and so this i feel like uh younger people be like who the hell yeah why why are you reading this why is this so salacious cosmo knows who britney spears is right oh yeah he's like what does he do what's the bit what's it britney

he goes oops i did it again um there's and then there's also bits yeah like there's so many of those chad gbd like then i was hired to do the joy of pepsi campaign i did one commercial where it was i was a waitress from the 50s but i was also a flapper oh yes yes i remember it was like i know i've seen these you don't have to tell me about them does she like is there a ghost writer think no. I think there's someone who literally typed out her dictation because. Right.

It just sounds so. It sounds like they just, she moves from topic to topic so fast and it's like. Wow. And then she will tell a story about like, after Justin and I broke up, I went to a party at Donatello Versace's house. And there was a guy there who we were making eyes at each other. He was just sex. And but then she tells the story in such a way that it's like, what? Like she's like, I walked up to him and he said he'd come back to my hotel room.

So we got in the car and then he did something on uh on the car ride that i didn't like i don't even remember what but i made the driver pull over and strand him in the middle of nowhere oh man i cannot wait to read this oh my gosh i uh i love biographies i don't read enough of them though autobiographies um do you read a lot of them no oh i see and i that's why i was like i don't like because also i feel like whenever these celebrity biographies come out there's like three or four stories that make it into the news yeah and that's that's it that's the whole yeah yeah um so i also i'm a terrible reader Yeah. Yeah.

Um, so I, I'm a terrible reader, but maybe this is a, this is a quick, quick and easy one. Um, for me,

the, the autobiography, the high watermark is Molly Cruz, the dirt. That's how I compare every, especially a trashy. Yeah. I'm not reading like, uh,

you know, the Lieutenant from, you know, uh, the war in Kosovo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, yeah. I like a trashy. I like a trashy celebrity memoir. Yeah. Who's the next one? Who else would you like to read one by? Who would you wish would write one? Oh, that's a really good question.

That's a great question. Terry Gross. You know who? Boy. I interviewed George Clooney And it sounded like that And then

His interview was fine But then I went to a party Afterwards And Mike Brabiglio Was there You know I bet has a lot of Great stories

Usher Usher's really seen A lot in his days And he's still He's still cranking out hits. Yeah. Still to this day. So maybe he doesn't have time for a memoir, you know?

Yeah. Boy. Like somebody who like worked on Sesame Street, but like in the background. Elmo. Kevin Clash. That's right. Oh, there's's a movie there's actually a movie yeah yeah does he come off good in that or does he come up bad in something else something bad in something else i think i think the netflix documentary is like pro clash yeah um but then they asked some other thing happened i don't remember yeah something about that would be some you know

somebody who worked on like an iconic movie like you know i watched a whole movie about the making of jaws and that was really i would i would read anything like that yeah yeah there's a new book about the shining that came out oh yeah uh there's like a it's like 1500 pages and it's also like three thousand dollars or something what what they're gonna it's like 1500 pages and it's also like $3,000 or something. What? What? It's like the special edition came out but like in a year or two they'll put out the one for public consumption. It's like a coffee table book? Yeah, it's a Tashin.

Oh, a Tashin. I know Tashin. Yeah, and it's, I don't know, maybe it's $1,500. Maybe it's 3,000 pages of $1,500. Maybe I got those numbers wrong but still it's like four figures yeah those fashion books yeah they're yeah and it's freaking it's um uh but i was it's uh past guest matt gourley on his one of his podcasts was talking about it and he has it and uh there's like

uh so many behind the scenes stories this was the movie was made in 1980 or it came out in 1980, but, um, and there's like Shelley Duvall, uh, was dating Ringo Starr at the time. Wow. And they were kind of isolated and they,

no, maybe they weren't, they were just in London shooting it. So, but there, they needed, they would invite people to set. And like one of the people they invited to set was a young Steven Seagal who

did like a martial arts demonstration for everyone. And that would have been like way before he was any, anything. At that time he was over siege. Yeah. He was under the law. He was easy to kill. Or is that Jean-Claude Van Damme? That's Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah. Hard is that Jean-Claude Van Damme that's Jean-Claude

yeah hard to kill Jean-Claude Van Damme yeah there's a video Steven Seagal where everybody in the video it falls like

he's doing a demonstration they're all like supposed to follow a recent one yeah where he walks through as kind of an old

doddering old man yeah yeah yeah oh gosh i can't get enough i mean i guess that's a a biography i would read yes yeah i would yes i would love to read um an autobiography of steven seagal that's annotated by somebody else who does yeah and nowing. Yeah, and then he gives the real story. So you just have this double book going on. That would be great. Yeah, that's good. Like Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, does that count?

Is that fiction? Yeah, semi-fiction, at least. It's Chuck Beres hosting the dating game and the gong show, but also he's a spy oh oh right and then he's the not the liaison uh chaperone of these dates that happened so they would plan them you go to berlin and kill somebody while you're in berlin the budget on the dating game geez yeah exactly like on a canadian version you get sent to niagara falls and stay at the charity but like if it was like the all the credits or like the promotional consideration provided by the cia

have you seen like i don't know if it's all the ncis's but ncis los angeles it says you know how like shows will have promotional consideration by Apple. Yeah. And so like the characters have an Apple laptop. Right. On NCIS Los Angeles, it's Lockheed Martin. Oh, really? Oh, wow. So they have like an airplane?

An arms manufacturer. Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't surprise me though. Like people who are into arms would also love NCIS. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if people are into into arms check out my octopus teacher

yeah and also his uh lucid dreams over here i stretch them out and it usually works um so yeah check out the britney spears book yeah it's funny too like when somebody who you think is going to be so exciting and then their autobiography is boring well the i she apparently it's the audiobook is by michelle williams michelle williams not the member of destiny's child oh but the actress from uh dust creek etc what's the name of the britney spears automatically the woman in me is that what it's called because that's is that not a shania twain album yeah that is a shania because we should go around and just think of titles for her autobiography for britney spears yeah just punch it again is yeah or oops i did it all yeah uh read me baby one more time yeah sure uh book sick yeah i'm not a girl not yet an author

mark killing it you're killing it email my book yeah um yeah uh toxic to the book yeah i said book sick book sick yeah no one got it because it was weird yeah um oh i can't wait to read it it's uh you know who's really good uh stephanie from full house oh yeah hers is like a real page turner jody sweeten jody sweeten because she had like she was like in rehab and oh wow and like yeah it's it's a good read yeah i read it Remember you could go into like chapters or Indigo and just sit in a chair and just read a book? I read that all of them. You probably still could. It's big. Yeah, but do they still have the chairs? Do they still encourage you to? Wait, is that the Hemingway? Who are you talking about?

He's talking about Jodie Sweden from Full House. Muriel Hemingway's Manhattan? Who am I thinking of? I'm so out to see that. I know who you're talking about, but I think of Martha Plimpton. Maybe. I don't know.

Can we edit that out? We're going to put more in. Mark's the star of Full House is freaking Olga Corbett. But tell me more about, so what did, she was like in rehab and then was she going through stuff during the filming? Yeah, like it was, you know, it was typical. It's like kind of a typical Hollywood child memoir, but just the stuff she was doing at, like, have you ever read permanent midnight? Yeah. It's like that.

Yes. Not the same kind of quality, but the same kind of like, and then I was back at it. And then, you know, and, uh, I think she probably worked with somebody on it because it did have like a nice right easy read but i i read it in probably like two hours and nice yeah and those were the days you could get a cup of coffee sit in a chair what's permanent midnight about jerry stall was a guy who worked he was a writer on elf yeah and he was like a severe heroin addict yeah yeah i think actually i read i think you told me about it. About Permanent Midnight?

Yeah. There's a whole sequence in it where he's at a party and he's freaking out and he sees Alf chasing him around the party. I do love that. The lucid dream. I love when just like someone who has sort of like a run of the mill job has like a secret life. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The guy, I don't think this is in any of his work, but the guy who wrote Friday Night Lights. Yeah. Who wrote like a Vanity Fair article that turned into the book that turned into the movie. He's just a writer, just a regular guy. Buzz Bissinger. Nice. Nice name.

But he became addicted to Gucci clothes. buzz bissinger nice but he became addicted to gucci clothes and wore and like ended up on gucci's like top spenders list and he didn't couldn't afford it did it oh really yeah oh wow wow addicted to gucci and like get invited to all their like fashion shows wow wow oh my god of all the things but I don't think so I mean he wrote an article Yeah I think he wrote the book I think he has the rights

To the TV show Friday Night Live Oh yeah So he's got something Yeah He's not Anyway I love that

But yeah Check out Britney Yeah You gotta It's Britney bitch She needs our Help now more than ever. Yes.

Yes, absolutely. I also heard a thing about, I'm not at this part in the book yet, so like, because she's in the part I've read, she's dated Justin, they've broken up, but I heard a thing about them having sex,

about it being underwhelming. Yeah, sure. But like, maybe we're coming back to that later maybe she has a chapter on here are all the people i've had sex with probably be like this like and then we had sex and i don't remember why but it was underwhelming and then i kicked him out of the car he but also i got off the elevator but also i do want to point out to any people who are underwhelming at sex she's still it was head over heels in love with him that's true and he she was heartbroken when he dumped her he it's it's kind of the nice stage of his career where he's just exposed as a little worm

this part right now yeah where he's like i was gonna mount a comeback it's like, we don't like you. What's up with you? I just came back from our nation's capital, Ottawa, Ontario. Welcome back. Thank you. And something very funny has happened in the, if you go, if you're like an Air Canada member, you pay a certain amount per year, or you have a flight status that allows you to be in the lounge. Now, you fly a lot for CBC's The Debaters. Yes.

Do you get those points? I don't. You think I do? You got to re- No, you should. Renegotiate? Yeah. Even if you're not buying the tickets, you should get your airplane. Maybe I do, and maybe I don't even know it. Well,otiate. Yeah. Even if you're not buying the tickets, like you, you should get your arrow. Maybe I do.

Maybe I don't even know it. But you should know it. I've got a, you know what, after this podcast, I'm going to get on the horn with

Air Canada. I heard their customer services. Yeah. Try it. Yeah. You're on a, it's a Friday afternoon.

This is the best time. Yeah. Yeah. Just before five o'clock. Sometimes they just call you and see if you need anything.

Yeah. That's true. It's almost annoying how many times they ask you. And you're like, can I get like a little thing of pretzels? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But what's happened now is the word's out on these private lounges. Because you can go in a private lounge. They have food.

You're talking about the Maple Leaf Lounge. The Maple Leaf Lounge. Yeah. You can go in. A lot of times, if you have a certain status, you can bring a companion with you. Mm-hmm. But it's got nice chairs to lounge in, food. A little buffet, yeah.

Yeah, every kind of drink you want. And they've got beer on tap and wine on tap. But the word's out. Do you ever wheeze the juice when you do the beer on tap? Yeah, the weasel is in there. No, the weasel's not there because, no, he is there. He does want to wheeze the juice. out. Did you ever wheeze the juice when you did the beer on deck? Yeah, the weasel is in there. No, the weasel's not there because no, he is there.

He does want to wheeze the juice. Sorry, I forgot what side of the debate he was on vis-a-vis. Wheeze-a-wee. But when I was

walking through the airport, there's such a huge line. Word's out. What? Everybody's got it now.

Oh, yeah. The status of more people have signed up for it. Who are like are at the airport. There was a line to get in. Yeah. Oh, no. it made me laugh.

Oh, I laugh. So it's cause it's normally I've been in a few times. Yeah. Um, and it's, uh, I used to sneak in because my dad would like, uh, how did it work exactly?

Like he would use his, if I ever used his points to fly somewhere and he has the status. Right. And then I would just show them my ticket. Might be on your ticket. Might be on my ticket. And they would, one time they called me on it. They're like, wait a minute. You don't have the status

person who got the points and you're like can i still go in please no you can't the whole thing with lounges which i've been able to sneak in a couple times like legitimately sneak in like i don't i don't ever have like a consistent lounge membership anywhere but i've been in lounges and it's like anything else with air travel like once you go you can't really go back oh my gosh it's like like everything's free you just sit once you go, you can't really go back. You're like, oh my gosh. Yeah. It's like, like everything's free. You just sit down. You can take a shower if you want to in some of them.

Nice. Like they're, they're, and the idea. There are showers in some of them. That's right. Oh yeah, there are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've, I've never done it. Yeah, there's kind of like big bunga bunga parties happening in there.

Yeah, you have to shower in a circle of people. They're dangerous too. Like the one time I almost missed an international flight when they actually called my name was in London's Heathrow.

I was in a lounge and I was like, I'm just never going to leave. you can't hear announcements in the lounge. Well, they have the boards. They're like very easy to see. So, I mean,

it's my fault. When you check in, you tell them your name and your flight and they will. That's right. They'll make're not doing you check in. You tell them your name and your flight and they will. That's right. Yeah. Come on.

I'll make sure you get it. Yeah. And I would have read a reason like I left and then they were calling my name and I was running. He throws huge. I was like running through the air. Yeah. But the whole idea that there is a line is like it just brings it to it just defeats

the purpose. And it makes me laugh so hard because i last time i had status and had paid for a year's worth was the first year of pandemic and that was never returned so you know like i got one trip out of it or something before everything locked down i so annoying uh i always think it's funny if you go in and someone is so rich that their damn kids are in there with them yes yeah i'm gonna pay with a full price so my kids can not eat scrambled egg yeah yeah i just look at their ipad but now it's just become it's a thing that everybody is. Is it just that it's like, yeah.

Is it, can you just, you pay to join? Yeah. And the price has gone down enough that, and that there's a lineup. Yes. I guess it's just like spending time in the airport now is so awful and people

are so awful to one another. And you know, there's crazy people line up as soon as they get to a gate. If they're not boarding and people are wearing their pajamas and i do love the um i love a like a sit-down restaurant in a in a um in an airport a chili's a chili's a the vancouver canucks restaurant but i there was in toronto at when we were going to copenhagen and we went through toronto and there was a new setup in one of their um terminals that was like no they didn't have any seating that

was like you know you just go to a gate and there's tons of seating and they're in rows and they didn't have that they just had tables they had tables with ipads on them that you ordered food at and it but like there was way too many tables and not enough seats right so it like you get there and there's nowhere to sit if you just if you just want to sit there's nowhere for you right it felt very much like that what do they call it when um hostile architecture like you're not allowed to go anywhere without spending money yeah like there's no way to just sit right all the chairs are angled in such a way where you slide off after 10 minutes but your wallet stays there yeah um yeah so that made me laugh

and then did you did you get in line? No, I don't have. Oh, you don't have status. Okay. Right. Right. But it made me laugh. And then I don't have Nexus.

I don't have that one of those. Yeah. And the Nexus line was also longer than the regular line. Oh my gosh. So that was fun. That was fun. That was a treat. Yeah.

Yeah. I, Nexus is for people who don't know, it's a, it's basically like TSA pre-check in America. It's. Yeah. Yeah. I, Nexus is for people who don't know, it's a, it's basically like TSA pre-check in America. It's. Yeah. So you can get through security fast, but you can also get over the border fast. Yeah. And. Trusted traveler.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you get it? You have to go, Dave tried to get it. I tried to get it once, but I, they, everyone in my family had it. My brother lived in Seattle and we were going back and forth a lot. one of my family had it my brother lived in seattle and we were going back and forth a lot and you go to the border or there's a place downtown it's basically somewhere where you talk to a canadian and an american border agent at the same time they interview you

it costs like 50 bucks but they have to make sure you're um clean yeah like and you're not like doing anything illegal when you cross. Right. And I was unemployed at the time. I was just like, you know, doing standup, didn't really have a job.

And they were like, they kindly said, you should probably withdraw your application instead of being denied. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Lucky. That's nice of them. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of branding you. Yeah. Yeah. Um, Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Lucky. That's nice of them. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of branding you. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, but now when I go to America, we have a, um, uh, PO box in across the border. And,

uh, I just go at like nine in the morning and no one's ever, no one's there. Yeah. That's for deliveries. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

and there's a trader Joe's down there. No. What's for deliveries. Yeah. Yeah. And there's Trader Joe's down there. No, what's the, do you get a- Well, there's a Trader Joe's in- In Bellingham. In Bellingham. Yeah. But you're not that far for your P.O. Box, right? No, it's right at the border.

Yeah. There's Taco Bell. Is there? Yeah, right in Blaine now. Run for the border, they say. Wasn't that Taco Bell? But you know what? Yeah, it is.

Run for the border. But I don't think it was the Canadian- It was for the border, they say. Wasn't that what I was talking about? Yeah, it is. Run for the border. But I don't think it was the Canadian-American border. But after I eat a Taco Bell, I'm always like, no es nada. Yeah, no es nada. Sounds like something. It was also, so on the

flight, it got really turbulent. Really, really like one of the more horrible turn the way back on the way back and there was this old couple who they were just they needed water so bad like at the beginning when everybody's shuffling into the flight well they should uh come over here mark pour yourself some water sure now which one was mark which one was me yeah yeah it sounded way more real Mark, pour yourself some water. Sure. Now, which one was Mark and which one was me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounded way more real. But when everybody was boarding, this old couple got on with, you know, anybody who needs assistance, kind of pre-boards. they held up the whole line because the the gentleman of the couple went all the way to the back of the plane got a glass of water and was walking like a turtle against so everybody had to like step into seats to let this guy get get by and then we had this crazy turbulent it's actually like even the the captain got on he's like i gotta apologize in advance like this is gonna suck how can they tell? Because they know they're going through extreme. Yeah. He says like,

there's certain pockets and he's like, I couldn't get into either of the pockets. So this is going to be really, wow. It was really bad. They kept getting up and he kept trying to get water the whole time. And like, they were like flight attendants had to strap themselves in.

And, and so the flight attendant had to like chase this old man who was getting more water from the back of the plane. This old man correct me if I'm wrong he played two. Did he play knick-knack

on his shoe? Wait how long did the turbulence how long was the window of turbulence? About like probably like 15-20 minutes something like that.

But it was really quite violent and people were probably vocal. Yeah, people were like you have to sit down! And they weren't listening and then they kept getting up and creating spots with one another. Were other people like screaming? Yeah. Oh, not screaming at the turbulence

but they were all screaming at this couple of hours. Like you had enough experienced flyers that they weren't freaking out. Yeah, nobody was screaming or anything. These people didn't care. Yeah, exactly. They've been around. flyers that they weren't freaking out yeah nobody nobody was screaming or anything these people didn't care yeah exactly they've been around they've seen all you've seen when there's like i think it was uh just like iphone footage of a um like a flight attendant hitting the ceiling oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it could have been that they easily could have seen an old man in his

glass of water hitting the ceiling. Yeah. Or just get him a bigger glass. Give him a whole bottle. Leave him the pitcher. You know, he's thirsty, this old man. I think I should. This old man's killing me now. Yeah.

I mean, at a certain point, he played three and it was on his knee. Give the dog a bone. Yeah. I'm just stuck on the turbulence because they used to really, really, really bother me. Now I'm not so bothered by it as much. The one thing that I wanted was something to grab onto, but the armrest, oh, like. Right through like. Yeah, like I was holding it.

I was just like. Who were you sitting next to? Was someone you knew? I was sitting next to nobody. I was just like, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Who were you sitting next to? Was someone you knew? I was sitting next to nobody. I had a seat empty next to nobody. Oh, nice. Which is better than any lounge. Yeah.

Better than sitting next to someone you know. But you couldn't turn to them and say, may I hold your hand during turbulence? Yeah. Yeah. If we die. You, old man. Yeah. May I?

Yeah. And he's like, I need it for my water glass. Old man, if we die, just know I love you. All right. You need to sit down. That's what a woman was saying. You need,

and she was like doing hand motion. Oh my God. Uh, this couple, you can tell them anything. They've probably been through all sorts of, you know, the depression and they,

they, they've seen it all. So no, they're not a hundred. And they might've been. Yeah. When you're a hundred. A little turbulence is not going to get them. A hundred. They might have been. Yeah. When you're a hundred, you need a lot of water. You need a lot of water.

You got to stay hydrated. I'm on Graham's side here. The right side of history. Yeah. All right. What's the oldest person you've ever seen on a plane? Maybe it was this couple. Maybe this couple.

That's fair. Oh, no. There was one time there was a mummy on a plane. Oh, sure. And everybody was just like steer clear they need a lot of water very dusty also here's a weird thing that has happened on planes and maybe you noticed it when you went uh to copenhagen like there used to be one ad that they showed you before the flight oh you know these are the safety procedures and there'd be an ad for uh mercedes yeah yeah now there's six yeah yeah ads and i'm like well luckily my ticket is cheaper nope nope no well

at least the flights are better but at least it's not like movies, whereas the movie can't start until the ads are done. They can fly. Yeah. Or they start the ads earlier just for the... Just for something. The ad that irks me the most in my life right now is I have a frame. It's a Samsung TV.

Uh-huh. And I have a permanent ad in the lower part where all the ads. Oh, yeah. It's just an ad for McDonald's usually. Yeah. And like. When you turn the TV on.

Yeah. The TV just has an ad. Oh. Like it's, it's like if you opened your computer and you had an ad. It's just there. It's just there. Yeah. And I looked up like how to get rid of it and there's all this stuff.

And like, if you block, if you block a certain thing on your ip like you have to like go into your internet and i did that and it's still stuck now your tv is hooked up to the internet yes yeah yeah because that ad refresh it's a new ad every day because i have that too and i'm never used that part of my tv right um which is like i have like a thousand weird channels that i didn't yeah They also comes with like just channels. Yeah. Like you can just like, there's a, there's a, uh, uh, unsolved mysteries. Yeah.

There's just like 24 hours of Portlandia. Yeah. There was for a while there was, uh, uh, I had 24 hours of, um, uh, what's the old, uh, Johnny Depp, uh, Dom DeLuise's show. 21 Jump Street. There was a 21 Jump Street show. Channel. Or channel,

yeah. But anyway, this ad is just there. it was the most I've ever been like angry at advertisements. And not, not the ad

that you were in. It's, it's not the Pepto ad, which I would have been happy about. Yeah. Yeah. I love it.

Cosmo look. Yeah. I've already been paid for this. Every play, every play it gets, I happy about. Yeah. I love that. Cosmo, look. I've already been paid for this. Every play it gets, I get nothing. Yeah. Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah.

Okay. What is up, people of the world? Do you have an argument that you keep having with your friends and you just can't seem to settle it? And you're sitting there arguing about. Whether it's Star Trek or Star Wars. Or you can't decide what is the best nut. Or can't agree on what is the best cheese.

Stop doing that. Listen to We Got This with Mark and Hal. Only on MaxFun. Your topics asked and answered. Objectively. Definitively. For all time. So don't worry everybody.

We got this. We got this. We got this. Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, right? That's true, Justin. Is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician? No, Justin, that is absolutely not true. However, our podcast is funny and interesting and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past, as well as some current not-so-legit healthcare fads.

So you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better. Sure. And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor? Well, you could say that, but... And our podcast is free? Yes, it is free. You heard it here first, folks. Sawbones, Merrill Turr of Miss Guy the Medicine, right here on Maximum Fun, just as good as

going to the doctor. No, no, no. Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but pretty good. It's up there. Overheard. Overheards. We love it when you see or hear something and then share it here on the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest, Mark, if you will.

Yes, this is a late game entry. This happened a couple of days ago. Oh, I thought you were going to say it happened today. Just now I was standing outside the door and I was listening to you guys. I was getting food, picking up a takeout from an Indian food restaurant called Suja. Suja, okay. Named after a Canadian sex expert. Suja Suja. Suja. Okay. Uh, and I. Named after a Canadian sex expert.

Suja Hanson. That's a deep cut, but people who know it, know it. Yeah. I don't, I'm still laughing. Um, and I didn't, I've never actually been inside this place. So I, uh, I was looking for the door and I was in that kind of position where you can't see the awnings. So you're just, I was like walking up the street and I knew I was looking for the door and I was in that kind of position where you can't see the awnings. So I was like walking up the street and I knew I was nearby. And then this couple came over and they passed by.

And this guy was like, oh, it's Suja. I've heard it's great. And I was like, oh, great. I'm at the right place. And then he says to her, he goes, do you think we should check to see if it's busy? And she says, I think it is spicy. He didn't end up coming in. So what kills me is that like, they had this like misunderstanding and, and he was like, in her mind, he was was like do you think we should go in and check

if it's spicy she's like i think it is spicy and he was like then we probably shouldn't go in they didn't go in yeah uh you couldn't see in if it was busy from the outside no it's one of those places it has like uh it just you're just a door. You walk in, you still can't tell. Cause it's just the, and there's not very few windows. Yeah. They should have, you know how you look up a restaurant on Google and it'll tell you the times when it's busiest. Right. Right.

It should do that for spiciness. Yeah. Spiciest at 6 p.m. Yeah. I think it is spicy. But yeah, I think that But yeah I think that's I think that's a really good idea Whether or not it's a spicy restaurant

I have a very gentle palate I I go to a place down the hill Called Indian Roti Kitchen It's my favorite restaurant in the city It's great But they do A thing when you order

They have a rating out of six for spiciness for everything. And I'm usually like, I used to do a two, then I did a three. Now I do a four. I don't think they go above two when they see my name. No, this isn't for you. Yeah. I've gone to, yeah. I used to feel like I had something to prove on spiciness.

I'd be like, I can handle it. But now I'm just, I'm like, just give me like medium. I like spicy, but they won't, they're not getting spicier for me. I don't know what it is. Yeah. Maybe it's just, you're, maybe you're growing more accustomed to it. Yeah, you're killing your taste buds. Yeah.

You've got your spice belt. Killing my buds with my spice belt uh dave do you have an overheard thanks um thanks for coming out um my overheard is from the news nice and uh i like to watch the news even if it's just to see the local news i like to watch the local news i won't ever watch the full hour of it but i like to watch certainly the headlines that they do at the top of the hour and this was one that uh it'll usually be like the local stories are always a building caught fire a car drove into a tanning salon but this was one of the headlines an owl attacked his toddler what he thinks should happen to the

bird personally i think it should be deep fried and we'll all be able to eat some i'm just gonna get a flying toddler and tie it down and have it attack it so what do you think yeah i mean i think probably nothing is gonna happen to this bird it's a damn owl but it's uh it's good investigative journalism yeah yeah well my boy was dressed as a mouse for halloween yeah really it's not the owl's fault if you think about it i said to my owl i gave it the command to attack now uh and it did attack obviously i just saw the headline i hope the story isn't an owl destroyed it's like rip his kids face just get apart and then was i would hope that they wouldn't that that wouldn't be the the headline that that's

what they you know like what he thinks should happen to like, if the boy, I hope it wasn't anything serious, but it just made me laugh. Yeah. And if you're a listener out there and your child was attacked by an owl, Hey, my heart goes out to you. Thank you. That's out attacked by toddler. Here's a, okay. Great. My overheard is also kind of a headline.

I saw, I clicked on a clickbait. Oh, you love it. is also kind of a headline I saw. I clicked on a clickbait thing. Oh, you love it. The headline was Top Hell's Angels Rituals That Women Hate. And here are some of the fakes.

This college professor hates these rituals. But you can't. It's not illegal. They all pull over together. So if they're in a pack and need to pull over, they all pull over. Women hate that.

Why do women hate that? There's an order that they ride in. Sure. You know, according to status. Oh, right, right, right. Most likely to pull over

to less likely to pull over. You can't share information about fellow members. Oh, women are gossips. No talking to the media. Oh, right. Well well women love media yeah and they have a long standing association with harley davidson oh he wants to put it up in his man cave he wants to put up this harley davidson

oh he wanted the harley davidson edition of the ford f-150 yeah and women are classically yamaha yeah yeah suzuki i'd be so self-conscious about about the pulling over thing if i had to pull over be like i'm gonna make everyone pull over if i pull over here oh yeah yeah mark i gotta pee again sorry yeah um i thought it would be stuff like they call women their old lady yeah yeah i thought it would be none of them they do a bunch of crimes yeah or or the classic one that we had heard that in order to be jumped in you had to uh wear a pair of jeans and uh and you had to wear one outfit and not take it off for what was it like many weeks or something a year yeah like you had the same clothes for a year before you got jumped in yeah like it was part of the ritual

that you had to. Right. So it's stiff and hard to fight back in? Yeah, or it just gets gross. Yeah. You know, it's like a ritual that's gross. I don't know. It's probably not true.

Right. My bad. Women actually like it, so that's why I know it's not true. Yeah. What are the top five things about Hells Angels that women do like? You know, probably the freedom. Yeah. They, what are the top five things about the Hells Angels that women do like? Uh,

you know, probably the freedom. Yeah. Uh, they all pull over together. Yeah. They like that. They'd be shopping.

Yeah. Uh, they, the Hells Angels say what they feel. Yeah. That's right. You know, they communicate,

they communicate. Um, they're not, you know, they'll do chores. Yeah. They'll do chores without being asked. Yeah. They'll do a good job of it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, they're not, you know, they'll do chores. Yeah. They'll do chores without being asked. Yeah.

They'll do a good job of it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and you know, the, the clothing, it's fun. It's fun to dress as a theme. And they're hell's angels. They're not hell's demons. They're not heaven's demons.

Yeah. Yeah. They're like heaven's devils. Yeah. Let's start a, uh, rival gang, not a rival gang, a complimentary gang. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Heaven's devils. We drive smart gang. Not a rival gang. A complimentary gang. Yeah, that's right. Heaven's Devils.

We drive smart cars. Heaven's Devils. Heaven's Little Devils. Heaven's Devils. We drive smart cars in a bag. Oh, no. What the hell is that? We all have to pull over at the same time.

Yeah, we're associated with smart cars. Yeah, our v associated with smart cars. Yeah, our vests are sweater vests. Here's one thing women hate about them. They got mad when Pee Wee Herman knocked over their motorcycle. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us by people all over the world. If you want to send one in, send it in to sby.maximumfund.org. This first one is from Sorin. How would you spell, how would you pronounce the O with a line through it?

Sorin. Sorin. Sorin. I don't know, by the way. Neither do I. I just remembered this gem from ages ago, all the way back when I was in fifth grade in 1994. I was in a hallway at my school, and a bunch of older boys, probably sixth graders, were horsing around and bothering other students. A teacher passed by and began to berate them.

At one point, the teacher said, who the hell do you think you are? To which one of the boys shouted, heee man! Who do I think I am? Who's the father? Why did you open a can of worms? He-Man! That's what I thought. You have a wonderful imagination.

Yeah. You look more like a man at arms to me. Anyone? Was he the little boy? Yeah, who was the one with the springy legs? Oh, yeah. Springy legs was Ram Man. Yes.

Man-at-arms was the one who was green with orange armor. Yeah. And then there was one that was covered in felt, like the action figure. Moss Man. Moss Man. Moss Man. Yeah. He was the same figure as Beast Man, just re-skinned.

Yeah. Did you watch that documentary about it no the toys that made us documentary or yeah which is really i did but i you don't have to see it because i'm going to tell you the most interesting part right now is that uh you know the what was the tiger the battle cat battle cat ranger they just found a mold of that and they were like that'll be that'll be his mode of transportation and we'll write it into the show and we'll give it a mask. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, but there was a, it was the toy first and then they had to dream up. I think my friend, I had he man, my friend had like all of them. Yeah.

And including Ram man. And I think Ram man was my favorite toy. Cause he did the spring. Yeah. Yeah. He was both. He was like, he,

he was really fun, but he was also the worst because his legs didn't move his arms moved differently than the others he was right made out of a different material a little ableist um he's the worst because his legs don't move and his arms move like others okay that's 2023 i just didn't like him i loved him He was very welcome He was welcome to be with my I had him I had one That was called

Like battle Battle He-Man And he had a thing that Oh battle armor He-Man Yeah battle armor He-Man Yeah And you would It had three settings

Like one Yeah Wound and then Two wounds Oh wow Completely destroyed Yeah His chest armor rotated.

I was into a new thing every month. And so I didn't like have a whole He-Man set. I had like He-Man. The next month I'm into like Lone Star. Was that the name of the cowboy? Bravestar. Bravestar, yeah.

You had his toys? I had one and then the next month I was into Mask, the family that's like riding around. No, Bionic Six was the family riding around. Bionic, Bionic Six. Yeah, I've never heard of Bionic Six. I knew Bionic Six. Mask I was into a little bit. Mask was sort of like a G.I. Joe ripoff.

Yeah. Oh, okay. But they had masks. They had helmets that they put on. Yeah, and I believe one of the voices was Alan Thicke's son. Robin? Nope. Oh, different son.

Okay. Different son. Yeah, I was really into He-Man and G.I. Joe and Star Wars. Yeah, G.I. Joe, I think G.I. Joe lasted the longest for me. Right. I was, yeah, I was a mad fanatic for he-man nice my dad for my birthday one year made an entire castle gray skull out of like a fridge box oh yeah and uh maybe they were like we're not buying you the toy but check this out uh but it was beautiful it had drawbridge

that castle gray skull was i didn't know anyone who had it but it was oh i the real one yeah i had one my brother had one too i think we both got one separately for and you could combine them oh really yeah what was the grace gray skull was the other place no no so weirdly castle gray skull originally was like kind of the bad castle yeah it's got a skelly skelly name and like there was these um comics that came with the with the toys that kind of depicted it as like a scary place but then slowly i think the cartoon just made it the power of grace like he-man's place yeah so then the toy had to be like oh now we need another thing that was the spinoff i watched was he-man's place he-man's place and so i think that i don't uh uh, uh, snake mountain, which I didn't, which I never, I never owned that place.

I mean, to be, to have your parents buy you two castles from one to. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a bridge too far. A drawbridge too far. Yeah. I had a friend who had whatever it was, whatever toy or thing they had, all of it. And they had the.

Right. Whatever was the mission command center. They had that. Yeah. And I benefited. I got to go over there. Yeah. Sometimes I would just visit the same figure over and over again.

Like I was like, I really like this figure. Yeah. So. I really like your figure. Thank you. I like this figure. Can I play with that figure? Hand me that figure.

Hand me that figure. This next one comes from Jordan, Salt Lake City, Utah. I was at my sister's wedding in line to the buffet when I heard one 20-ish year old say to another, Why did you request Cotton Eye Joe? And the second responded responded it's not really even a song anymore it's more a way of life we can all agree with that we were talking about this on one of the bonus episodes do you know what the first line of cotton eye joe is do you know the lyrics to cotton eye joe yes but let me think if i can think of the uh first line um i heard a story

from a long time ago. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Where does he come from? Where does he go? I know all that, but I don't know the first line. And you knew it,

didn't you? No, I didn't. I had to look it up when, because there was a tennis match that was interrupted by Cotton Eye Joe playing in the middle of the match

and the umpire like canceled the point. Because it was on like a phone. Was it somebody's phone ring? No, it was on the PA system. Oh my gosh. Was it hacked? It was probably hacked by international terrorists.

Yeah. But the captions came up on the video and now I can't look at the... So the first line is, if it hadn't been for cotton eye joe i'd be married a long time ago oh yeah so it really makes a backstory yeah it's like uh the mind reels at what could be the backstory of yeah that he broke up a marriage or yeah do you

think or reactively do you think he had cataracts not everything's about you it's nothing they do that this last one comes from rachel in georgia usa i am a university professor and a gaggle of undergrads just walked by my office in their pajamas. As they were walking past, one said, Yeah, it's not that she doesn't have a personality. It's just that it doesn't show up in, like, any part of her life. Ouch. Wow.

Burn. I acknowledge that she has one. Yeah. Well, we've never seen it. Yeah. That's a sick burn. She's a basic. I'll say it.

Bitch. She's a basic biatch. Yeah. I wonder if that person is'll say it, bitch. She's a basic biatch. Yeah. I wonder if that person is listening. Oh, yeah. None of our listeners have personality. But a lot of them wear pajamas.

You know what I find when things don't have personality? I add a little cheese whiz. That's what I was going to say. Oh, my God. That's the best way. Was that an ad campaign? Cheese whiz adds personality. I don't know if I know that. Maybe I've been Canadian. Oh my God. That's the best way. Was that an ad campaign? Cheese whiz has personality. I don't know if I know that. Maybe I've been Canadian.

Yeah. Maybe. Just a buyout. Yeah. Just some stupid buyout. Stupid buyout. That's singers who did it. Did you guys ever eat cheese whiz?

Yes. Oh yeah. I love cheese whiz. I couldn't stand it. It freaks me out. Yeah. Because it's just like, what is it? That's, I mean, that's the correct answer.

Yeah. Like anyone should not like it. I, you know, I think we had a jar in my life yeah sure yeah it was like and abby once brought home a jar uh like one of the kids to try it and i was like don't why the kids have it's hard enough getting them to eat good food yeah Yeah. Don't introduce a new beige. Yeah, totally. It melt, it melted in the microwave easy. Right. Which was a thing.

Now, is it queso? Is that a thing? Queso is a thing. Is that made out of cheese whiz? Is cheese whiz involved in queso? Is queso like. So I'm,

I make a queso dip that, that uses Velveeta. Oh, okay. Ah, yes. That was the rival. Because we, it's not something we have here unless it's that pump cheese. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so I'll put like green chili, maybe jalapenos, Velveeta, and then like some sort of like soups. Oh. Like to kind of like make it thicker. Really good. And some fried onions. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Delicious. I just make it thicker really and some fried onions great yeah yeah i just made myself hungry like deep fried onions you fry them in the you fry them before you put the uh or so like caramelized yeah okay yeah sorry yes don't you don't have to be sorry man we're all learning yeah we're all doing the best we can yeah yeah well in addition to

overhears that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one like these people have hi dave and graham and wonderful guest this is julie from Woodbridge, Virginia. And recently my boys were playing some game and one of them locked himself in his room and the other one came and banged on the door and said, FBI

open up! And the one inside the room went, FBI? No knocking on the door! Anyways, love the show! So is the one in the room also the FBI? It's somebody that, no, it's kind of like you have to fess up if somebody asks you if you're undercover. It's the same thing.

Like, the FBI wants in and the person has to agree. Yeah, you're like a vampire. FBI, open up. FBI, no knocking on the door. Read your manual. your, uh. Your manual. Yeah. Your operations manual or whatever.

I think a way to test if the FBI actuals to say, what does FBI stand for? Especially if you're a kid knocking on the door. Fitbit Incorporated. Yeah. Fudge Butler Incorporated. Finally bowling inside. That would be a good bowling alley name in like 1940 fbi bowling finally bowling inside bowling is there like are they making new bowling alleys or is that just frozen in time from an era that's so funny i think you're right i think mean, I think they're frozen in time.

Yeah, like who's building. I would like to take my kids, but I don't think they'll make it through 10 frames. And that's how many you get for your. Do you take them to little bowling or big bowling? I would like to. I haven't done it. Oh, okay. No, there is no big bowling around here.

It's all small. It's all small ball. Yeah. But they also have some lanes that have covers over the gutters so yeah bumpers bumpers yeah there's a staples in albuquerque that took over a former bowling alley they didn't change the sign so it's just like this like bowling ball and a bowling pen and it says staples it's the most confusing i saw the most incredible like drone footage of someone had, it was somewhere in the Midwest,

and it was a drone. The drone went, followed the bowling ball down the lane. I remember that. And then went through the back of where all the pins go, came up, went around, and then it ended up in the bar that's attached to it. It looked like a really cool place. That's cool. That's awesome. Drones. Is there anything they can't do? The big one in Calgary. Went around and then it ended up in like the bar that's attached to it. Looked like a really cool place. Yeah.

That's awesome. Yeah. Drones. Is there anything they can't do? The big one in Calgary was Frank Sisson's Silver Dollar Action Center. Say again? Frank. Frank Sisson.

Frank Sisson. Frank Sisson's Silver Dollar Action Center. Wow. That's really hard to say. Yeah. Frank Sisson's. Welcome to Frank Sisson's Silver Dollar Action Center. We bowl.

Yeah. It's so confusing. You got the best action? I'm Jacob Sisson's Silver Dollar Action Center. We bowl. Yeah. It's so confusing. You got the best action. I'm Jacob Sisson, Frank's son. Frank's dead now. I think the Staples Bowling Alley was on a street, two streets called Eubank and Candelaria. And it was called Eukan Bowl. Nice.

Yeah, pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Was Eubank spelled with a E you bank spelled with the eu bank and then candelaria i guess that's how you'd say but then do they call it eu can bowl i don't i was i don't remember okay well follow up on that we'll ask you when you're back in two years yeah two years actually since the beginning of the pandemic you might be the first three-timer. Well, you know, it's funny, though, is I did do like two years before I was back. So I had like a kind of a longer break.

And so if I am the first three-timer, then I'm evening out. Yeah, you were owed. Well, you're not evening out. You're the first three-timer. You're ahead of the pack. Head of the pack, evening out. You call it what you will. But I might be wrong about that.

Someone could write in and be like, dave graham's here every week here's your next phone call hey this is robin calling with an overheard from the nimo i just walked past two people and one of them saying to the other yeah normally it would be like fuck yeah let's go but then instead it's like, oh man, my grandma's dead. I don't know, maybe that's too morbid, but it made me chuckle. Those are the two expressions. Hey guys, there's a sick wake happening. Oh good, let's go.

Hell yeah, let's go. I found let's go has become a generic positive thing for young people. Oh yeah, let's go. Let's go. That's what you say when you score a young people oh yeah let's go let's go it seems like that's what you say when like you score a point yeah let's go but also like it seems like uh pretty basic like like it's affirmative yeah this is a phrase that's been around for a hundred years yeah let's go and has meant the same thing and now it's like hey i'm a youtuber let's go let's go i just you know i defeated the bad guy in minecraft let's go let's go uh are either margo poppy into minecraft yeah man yeah

really well they i have nieces and nephews who like loved watching minecraft videos on youtube but never wanted to play the game, and I was relieved that my kids actually want to play the game. I don't know why. Yeah, I don't really get it. I'm way too old to know what the appeal of it is. It's an open world.

It's a sandbox, Dave. It's a sandbox world. Yeah, there is no point to it. I think there's mini games in it as well. It's like sandbox world. Yeah, there is no point to it. I think there's like mini games in it as well. It's like Legos. Lego. So it's just like virtual Lego. Yeah, you can like build and like you can like make.

And I think you can choose whether or not you want to have like hostels in your. And you can do it in creative mode or survival mode. That's what I guess that's what I'm talking about. So this is like, it's like a more open and advanced Sims-esque. Come on, Graham. Like where nothing ever happens. It's just,

you're just building a life. I mean, I think there's elements of that, but I think it's, it's a builder, it's a building and exploring game. Okay.

I think. Do they play it on the Switch? They play it on the Switch. Right. Nice. And they play Roblox on the iPad. Okay. Wow.

Right. And Roblox is, Roblox took a lot from Minecraft. All right. I think. I don't know. I was hoping for. It's sort of like the Sims. Now you're talking my language.

No, Roblox has like, is that thing? Roblox is the one that has mini games in it. And you're like, go to a place and everyone's like, I did see a screen caps. There was like people protesting the war in Israel and Palestine in Roblox. Oh my God. Like people had like organized a March and Roblox.

There's a subsection deep within Roblox where I play a campfire. Where you play, like you're the voice of a campfire? Oh, wow. Yeah, I don't know if it's still there. In fact, I don't know

if it ever actually made it in, but there was a, I got hired to do a campfire voice. Yeah. Hello, children. Yeah.

Don't jump over me. Yeah, look out. And here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and lovely guest Tim from Vancouver. I was driving downtown yesterday and I was stopped at a red light. I looked to my left and there was a seemingly normal looking man sitting on a park bench having a photo shoot. And there's two photographers

taking pictures of this guy and I'm kind of puzzled. He's in normal clothes. He's just kind of sitting on this bench when all of a sudden he lets out this massive vape cloud and the photographers just go absolutely wild with the photos.

It was crazy. And I think I was probably witness to some kind of pro-vaping propaganda being propagated right before my very eyes. Anyway, off I go. Vape. Get into it. I love the idea that those photographers weren't in cahoots with the guy.

They were like, there's the vaping guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's our chance at the paparazzi. That's great. That. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's our chance. The paparazzi. Yeah. Oh, that's great. That happened here in Vancouver. Yeah.

Yeah. Vaping capital of Canada. Yeah. I was really hoping he was going to like describe me, you know, up until the vaping. Yeah. I've been holding onto this for two years.

Yeah. How long it's been since you've been on. Um, the, uh, is, do you think it's the vaping capital of Canada? Oh,

I have no idea. Probably Toronto would be. I think it would the vaping capital of canada oh i have no idea probably toronto would be i think it would be somewhere colder where like you can vape without even smoking you can oh yeah when you go out and pretend to smoke maybe edmonton edmonton's nice and frosty yeah um i why would it why would it be the vaping capital i don't know many people vaping yeah and there's just like a lot of shops that popped up with legalization of marijuana. I feel like vapes went everywhere. In the heyday of vaping, I walked through. Are we past it?

Are we past the golden age? I think we are. I think we passed it. I think, I hope so. But I'm sure we all did walk through so many clouds of vape on the street. It's just. What was your favorite flavor? Strawberry bubble gum.

Yeah, that's a good one. For me, it was a mango dream. Yeah. It's just. What was your favorite flavor? Strawberry bubble gum. Yeah. For me, it was a mango dream. Yeah. Watermelon accident. Watermelon sugar high. We did a live show where I bought a bunch of vape juice and made Graham and Alicia and Charlie guess what the flavors were by smelling them. That was a good them. No one got Dolce de Leche.

I just think it's caramel. Yeah. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast. Mark, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you so much for having me

and I'm sorry about not doing trigger warnings about my eye. It's cool. You did them at the end. It's fine. That's good, yeah. One side is great.

It's like spoilers. Yeah. And that was spoilers too. And people can hear your podcast. Let's make a horror anywhere. They get podcasts.

Y'all both worked on it. I can't wait to hear the whole thing and then see this spooky, spooky movie. Thank you all of you out there for listening to the show. If this season's too spooky for you, just stay inside and it'll be November in no time. By the time you listen to this podcast, you're back November now.

I hope you had a great, happy Halloween and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.