Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 817 - Adam Christie

Episode Date: November 14, 2023

Comedian Adam Christie returns to talk daily internet games, Ikea, and touch tone phones.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 817 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who is short one Canucks calendar this through the rest of the fall into the winter. Mr. Dave Schumacher. Have we not talked about this already? I don't think we've talked about it enough.

We've got to get a whisper campaign going to bring this thing back. Yeah, the Canucks didn't bring back their calendar and now I don't know what to do with Novembermber and december i've got nothing yeah that's true maybe i'm assuming this is episode 817 i usually write it on a gridded piece of paper with dates on it you could probably i feel like when i was in elementary school there were a lot of calendar date you could draw a calendar and they just had oh yeah maybe i could just print out from the internet yeah i have this fancy printer yeah it's a brother print out uh you know some uh sexy ladies with a giant wrench things like that oh sure you can make your own calendar one month that another month far side what's the do you remember the earliest sexy photo you saw on the internet on the internet yes i

remember because it was at phil's house and phil had uh his parents didn't know on the internet on the internet yes i remember because it was at phil's house and phil had uh his parents didn't know how the internet worked and give me a year uh this was in 1995 okay and uh he knew how to work the internet on his computer his parents didn't so all he did was download naked photos of ladies but they would, we wouldn't do it live. Like he would go and set it up and then walk away and it would be seven odd hours. You, I remember a friend gave me on a disc about 94,

93, a disc of a gay, a strip poker game. And it was basically, it wasn't even strip poker. It was like basically classic concentration. Like you won the game and it revealed a picture. Oh, that's really good. And the picture was a couple having sex.

Oh, nice. And the man was wearing socks. Like black socks. And still a t-shirt, I think, as well. Well, we've got to bring in our guest on this. A returning guest to the podcast. Oh, so funny. It's Adam Christie, everybody.

Hello. Hi, everyone. Hi, Dave. Hi, Adam. Hi, Graham. First internet naked picture. I think it was. Adam's younger than us.

I know. This might be post 9-11. I'll tell you right now i remember i think the first internet photo well someone printed them off for me the first internet photos of pornography that i ever saw i traded for 10 i traded 10 photos for 10 rare but non-holographic Pokemon cards. I love the terms of this contract. Yeah, these were not bad Pokemon cards, but not common Pokemon cards. You were really trading childhood for adulthood at this point. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I've never thought about it that way. Yeah, time to put away childish things. But one of the 10... And whip out something adult. My favorite one that I keep on one of the ten about something at all one of the my favorite one that i might you know keep on top of the stack was um photoshop britney spears on a naked woman's body ah and she was wearing black socks there were yeah the photoshopping was out of control back then yeah uh graham did you ever have you got the brit Spears book yet?

No. Okay. Well, good news is I haven't read a single word since we last talked. Oh, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Adam, are you going to read the Britney Spears book? No, but I saw it. It's pretty small.

It's pretty short. Yeah. It's a real quick read. Is it only about, it's not like an autobiography is it yeah it's like 120 pages yeah it's very fast yeah boy i'm now i feel bad i haven't read it i got discouraged 40 percent of the way through um no it's very fast some there is one chapter early on it's like two pages like you go like i read it on my kindle and it says on the bottom of the thing yeah finishing the last chapter says one minute left in chapter and then i finished that chapter start the next chapter one minute left in chapter yeah i thought it was just going to be about her her period the recent period period

britney yeah yeah it's none of our business but it's her whole life in in 120 well i i maybe she goes i'm assuming she zips through the the early years and spends the last half on the the hardships and the the free britney era right so she hasn't even shaved her head yet at this point wow do you guys if you were writing your autobiography how long do you think it would be and like you can pad it out with whatever you want she does this dreams that you have she does this thing where whenever she's describing a person she'll say and when i say she was a bitch she wasn't like like she started so many phrases with and when i say it didn't go well i mean it like when i say she was a bitch dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot she was a bitch just like they were like you can't turn anything less than 120 pages because

technically it's not a book at that point we can't sell i don't know if i I feel like my autobiography, it would be more of a zine than a book. Oh, nice. More of like a 10 page roundup. Yeah, just pictures you cut out of blur.

Yeah. Oasis. I don't know why. Why it's so Britpop focused. Yeah, it's basically, you just transferred everything from like an FHM or a Empire magazine. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What was, what was the one that was the British one? Was that FHM? Melody Maker? Are we talking about music magazines or men's mags? Lad mags.

Lad mags. Lad mags. I think they all had British. Oh, really? I think the British started the Lad mag craze. I don't know if Maxim or FHM or Gear. Gear started out their stuff. LadMag craze. I don't know if Maxim or FHM or Gear. Gear? Started out their stuff with stuff.

Stuff and Gear were sort of the mad and cracked of the horny boy magazines. Are they still going on? Like, can you buy a Maxim magazine? That's a good question. In 2023? Oh, my God. I remember the last time. This guy doesn't know what year it is because I don't have my Canucks calendar.

Because what was in Maxim There would be like Movie reviews There would be like How to You know like Make a different drink Or something like that

Or like how to Get in a fight Or something like that Yeah and it would be It would be like There would be a Pretty girl on the cover Yeah

Sometimes famous Sometimes famous Or this was how She was becoming famous that's true um would it be an interview with the woman uh probably care about what a woman has to say i think if you put it with enough glossy photos then uh yeah you can catch anybody's attention um it when i look up wikipedia maxim on wikipedia it is using the present tense maxim is an international men's magazine.

Devised and launched in the UK in 1995, but based in New York City since 1997. I remember the last time that I read one, I was a teenager and I was on a plane, and I had bought one at the airport book magazine shop,

and the lady next to me just couldn't stop laughing you better not do anything with that magazine they would have like but i knew she was laughing at me and it was more than once would they have like gadgets and like or like yeah beer culture yeah and like different like how to pick a pocket square stuff like this. This is, so I'm seeing here, it's owned by Sardar Biglari, who I believe is like the owner of Steak and Shake. Steak and Shake. Steak and Shake and Maxim.

Maxim kind of was the Steak and Shake of magazines if I had to pick. Now, can you, for the idiots, what is Steak and Shake? It's not Shake Shack, and it's not. Oh, it's a burger place. Yeah. Okay. Do you guys want to hear what's going on? Oh, my God.

What's going on? Adam's picked up his phone, and he's about to tell us what's going on. Here's why a Nova Scotia road trip should be on your travel bucket list. What is this? What are we doing now? What? Maxim. Oh, this is maxim this is what maxim is saying wine reviews oh wine reviews i never had that i think it had beer reviews in the in the good old days well now their their listener readers have grown up with them that's true have i told you about uh what was jessica beal i think was one of the

have you told me about that no no well she she was on seventh heaven and she like kind of broke out uh by being the cover model of i think i think it was fhm maybe and i remember it was a big deal because she was it was such a uh yeah christian show and then she made fun of the show in the interview uh where she said one time one line on the show as i got home from school took off my shoes and said my dogs are barking and then she was she got in trouble because of that really yeah she's been cursed to marry justin timberlake ever since. My dogs are barking. Can you imagine? Just like

the guys like smoking cigars, right? What do teenagers say when they get home from school? Hoo-wee! My dogs are barking. Did you ever watch

Seventh Heaven? Seventh Heaven was the one that's religious, right? Yeah. Yeah, I of course watched a little bit of Seventh Heaven. And

I would be interested have they ever rebooted religious right yeah um yeah i of course watched a little bit of seventh heaven and um i'm what i i would be interested have they ever rebooted seventh heaven oh yeah eighth heaven what is seventh heaven well there were seven in the family weren't there but yeah i don't know where the the expression comes from where seventh heaven comes from i'm also interested there was a so the guy who was the dad on that show was a priest the character yes but the actor turned out to be a creep uh more than a pedophile okay yeah uh more than just a creep yeah yeah yeah but i uh that's my autobiography isn't it more than just more than just a creep the title has dots

oh no it was I was thinking I was like was there something that he did in an airport no but that was

a clip from the show that went viral a few months ago about like yeah there's a lot of like how they dealt with like marijuana

has gone viral I think I've seen most of those clips but we would watch it as a family and make fun of it. We'd sit around and laugh and laugh and make fun of it. And there were only five people in your family.

It was sort of like a fifth heaven. Yeah, we invited neighbors over if they wanted. Two neighbors. Two neighbors could come over. Or if my brother's out, three neighbors, you know. Now, I'm just going to look up seventh heaven. Now, this is, by the way the way listeners welcome to our lookup show i'm looking at where the term comes from okay all right and there's no show on netflix or there's

no i mean this is proof that we're moving away from god as a culture that there's no room for a show like seventh heaven today there might be several do you think so but we don't we don't know where they are when i look for a movie when i'm typing in the title there are so many things that pop up that i would have never in a million years seen like if you just typed in the name the number seven it'd probably be like 20 titles that you've never heard of before yeah it'll be netflix will be like well we don't have seven but we do have um a long came a spider which is also kind of a crime movie too which is also very boogie uh seventh heaven in religious or mythological

cosmology the seven heavens refer to the seven levels or divisions of the heavens oh my god wait a minute there's so not only do i got into i gotta get into heaven but i gotta get into a good heaven there's like vip sections and i'm getting into like a community heaven it does it sounds very high school like oh great now i gotta like go up the classes well there are levels different levels of hell that we all we're all well oh yeah but in that case you want to be in one hell you don't want to be at seventh hell you want to be in first hell yeah you want to be in one hell. You don't want to be in seventh hell. You want to be in first hell? Yeah, you want to be in first hell. First hell is just purgatory, right? Yeah.

And sweaty. It's warm. It's warm. It's just earth, but really warm. Just really warm. Uncomfortable, but not. No water. Are there seven levels of hell?

Yeah. I thought there were eight rings of hell, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Dante's Inferno. And I believe the seventh layer is so cool. hell yeah there were eight rings of hell isn't it yeah yeah and dante's inferno and the i believe the seventh layer is so the devil is flapping its wings or something and it's so cold that you're just like an ice oh shit i always think of it as hot but yeah i guess it could be cold yeah maybe it's i think it's like dry ice it's like hot and cold hot ice yeah hot ice yeah i'm just looking

at the hot ice hell hot ice yeah this is coming up there it is yeah so wait there's seven layers of heaven yeah um it's it goes uh sour cream yeah i was gonna say bean yeah we could do them all we could the joke is done at one um, it's been about a year. It's been a year. On the podcast. Well, when you were last here, yeah, maybe it was 2021, 2022, because when you were last here,

we talked about Wordle because Wordle had just become a phenomenon and I was obsessed. Yeah. I still do it every day. Do you? Mm-hmm. What other?

Sometimes I do Wordle. You know, I've been doing Connections. I do Connections. Oh, yeah, I've been doing Connections. I do Connections. I played Connections. That was good. Connections is the new hotline. Do you want to know all my new daily games?

Go on. All my daily games? Yep. I do Connections. Yep. I do Wordle. I do framed.wtf. Framed.

What is that? In the Marc Maron universe? I think it's.wtf. It's a thing where it's like, it'll just give you a frame of a movie and you have to guess it. Oh. And if you don't guess it on the first,

you get six guesses. Oh, so it's what, the film? Six frames to choose from. And they get easier as you go along. Oh, wtf is the.com. Yeah. There's wtf now? I might be wrong about.wtf.

Okay. I do synetoonertle, which is the worst name of it, but it's a grid of 16, well, there's two versions, but like the reverse version is the more fun one, where there's 16 movies. And you have to arrange what four

of them have in common in a column. Oh, that sounds fun. Yeah, and then there's always one going across the other way. Shit. So it's columns. Yeah, it's like a grid of column oh that sounds fun yeah and then there's always one going across the other way shit so it's a columns yeah it's like a grid of 16 squares and you arrange the movies does it reveal a naked woman once you solve it absolutely great but she's wearing socks and she's she's wearing socks um and then she's wearing socks and t-shirt the guy is fully nude and i do for women i do uh i do uh immaculate grid hockey and puck doku which are the same thing so you when you between waking up in the morning and finishing games what

are we looking at 11 a.m almost lunchtime honestly last night i uh was like uh i couldn't go to i couldn't fall asleep uh and it was midnight i was was like, oh, I guess the tomorrows have turned over. Let's give them a go. Two in one day? The tomorrows have turned over. Well, Pukdoku starts at midnight, but the immaculate grids don't become available until 6 a.m. Right. Okay.

Okay. And are you looking to just do the grid or are you looking for high scores? I cut myself off after 10 minutes i'm like 10 minutes right right right because you can do as many grids as you want no no you can do it but just trying to solve it trying to solve a player who's a player who played for the columbus blue jackets and the uh the nashville predators i don't know mike cylinder i like how there's a certain type of name that totally could be a hockey name. Like Sillinger sounds like a hockey player.

I was trying to think in my head, but like Smith doesn't sound like a hockey player. No, there's never been a Smith. Brian Smith. Oh, shit. Yeah, but it's with a Y. I'd pwn you in a MacLeod Griller hockey. I can't speak. I do the real quiz.

Do you guys know that one? No. Is it R-E-E-L? No. But it's movies so you get for example adam sandler chris rock and we all know that movie is top five that was one today i didn't i didn't get top i got everyone but top what is um there's another one i used to do called actor oh actor oh actor fool and it would be like give you you would guess like robert de niro

and it would be like too old and it would there's a list of like all twin they're 20 biggest movies right but all the titles are x'd out and it just tells you the genres and years they came out oh also like their rating out of five but it's messed up because um there's like movies from the last 10 years all the marvel movies are like four and a half star movies apparently i believe it they had a good run yeah up until that last one and now it just seems like they're flailing they're introducing characters that you couldn't possibly care about i saw someone uh had a review that like a preview kind of thing of like oh oh, the Marvels is coming out. And it's only going to be 98 minutes long.

And people are like, but I'm paying for a full three hour movie. People are mad that these movies are mercifully short. Well, we'll show Oppenheimer at the end. You can also stay for Oppenheimer if you want to see. You want to do a double feature? Yeah, like you're saying, I don't know what the Marvels are. No, me neither. and I read comic books yeah

Captain Marvel Captain Marvel Miss Marvel and yeah the Miss Marvel and

Marvel is Miss Maisel that's right there's one that was a TV show about like a teen girl um god damn it

yeah shit Sabrina the Teen teenage witch we're done um adam what have you been up to you've been on tour you went on tour all the way you went all over the uk yeah how was that so good yeah do you love do you love the uk is it yeah what's your favorite two favorite stops along the way? Whoa, really good question. Cambridge UK is very nice. It's like Hogwarts. It's a big university, old university.

Yeah. And what's the university called? I don't know. Cambridge. Oh, um, uh, and then,

Ooh, what else is good? You know, I went everywhere except for London. Weird. I didn't go to London. but Cork, Cork in Ireland. Cork's cool. Yeah. Very cool. Have you been? I have to London. But Cork. Cork in Ireland. Ah, Cork's cool.

Yeah, very cool. Have you been? I have. Is that where Cork comes from? Like actual Cork? Yeah. Like this stuff? I don't know. I know the Portuguese make a lot of Cork. Just for the listener, we were pointing at my wine collection. We recorded this in my cellar.

Yeah, those are probably my two top stops. Do wine yeah i love wine is wine your favorite drink wine's my favorite trick i have it every morning and every night but only after midnight oh so you can do your word wait do you do a wine wordle yeah where it's like hints of blueberry and aged in a whiskey barrel yeah Yeah. I've once watched a documentary called Some about people taking the sommelier test and it is crazy. They taste something and they have to be like,

okay, well, this was grown on this side of this valley. And then they're like, wrong. Wrong. It's Pepsi. It was a milk bone you were smelling. It's Pepsi It was a milk bone you were smelling It's Pepsi They always get them on the Pepsi question That's what the Pepsi taste challenge is Wait are you

Sorry go ahead Are you a wine man? No I mean I Cause I see a couple fucking Coors next to your Next to your editing station there Yeah we drank some Coors Weeks ago

With Adam No I'm Adam Kevin Banner Adam Banner And I'm Yeah I'm slowly Getting those up

To the recycling At 11am? No Not every show Is at 11am Why me? It just seemed like A good

You know Yeah You know Yeah Like pre-lunch Mid Good energy Yeah yeah yeah

It might be good energy We used to This show used to be a brew dog show yeah we used to drink quite a bit we would read Maxim

this was before podcasting became a sober man's venture and also meant anything for your career so we were fine to just drink

right right right yeah well great I'm honored to be here at 11am was it bad? no not at all I was just wondering'm honored to be here at 11 a.m. Was it bad? No, no, not at all. I was just wondering if you do every podcast at 11 a.m.

And if you're frustrated. No. What is your... When do you normally wake up? If you... When do I wake up? Yeah. That's a really good question.

5.20 in the morning. Shit. No, I get up at like 10. Yeah. Yeah. And I do play my games in bed. Your phone games. Yeah And I do play my games In bed Your Your phone games

Yeah I play my phone games In bed And then I You know Tilly about all day Until I have to do a show Tilly Yeah

I like that I've heard putter But Tilly is nice Yeah I I do my little things I'm like a retired person Except I'm 36

Take us through Some of these little things Let's see You wake up You've played your games You're springing out of bed It's 2pm The games take a long time

Do you get a charge when you do Better at the games than other days Do you think my day is better No, just like in the moment Yeah, well, because you get to Because I play the real quiz With my friends Tom Henry and Chris Wilson, who you may know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've been on the show. We're in a fight with them. Okay, good. Because I am too. Okay. A real quiz fight. Okay. So after we're done, we send each other our scores.

Oh, okay. And then we talk a little shit. Nice. Like, fuck you, stupid idiot. You didn't remember the movie Down to Earth with Chris Rock? Dumbass idiot. I know top five. I know top five, certainly. Yeah, I do now. Who were the Chris Rocks Rock? Dumbass idiot. I know top five. I know top five, certainly.

Yeah, I do now. Who are the Chris Rocks with? Ooh, good question. Let's go to therealquiz.com. Okay. But wait, what time do you wake up? Oh, well, you're with child. I'm with child and I have dogs

and the dogs really wake up the earliest. My dogs are barking. I was back. Woo! It's what my kids say when they get home from school. Dad! My dogs are barking. So it was Chris Rock. Chris Rock was actually not in it.

That was just a hint. Isn't Down Turned Chris Rock and Down Turned? Yeah, that's it. But the hint for the Kevin Hart and Adam Sandler one was Chris Rock comedy. Oh. Five o'clock. And it's top five.

Top five. Okay. Yeah. Chris Rock has had a real uneven acting career. He's not known as a good actor. No. No. But apparently he's really good in the Saw spinoff.

Oh, the Saw tale. Saw tale. Filmed in Toronto. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's a cop in it, and apparently he's really good. So this guy, Jigsaw, we haven't been able to catch this guy in 10 movies.

Are the cops after him? Yeah. The cops are after him. I just know, and I've only seen the first one, and the cops don't. I don't think the cops are involved. I think. No, the cops are involved. In the first one?

Yeah, I think so. They're looking for him. Yeah, there's cops. Well, cops are involved in the first one. I think so. They're looking for, there's cops, but I think he dies in the second or the third one. So they kill off the guy who's the guy. And then everybody else is a copycat. Oh, I think,

but are they, is everyone else really good at coming up with puzzles? Uh, you know, to the, to less, uh, degrees.

I mean, the nine films, you're going to start running low. Oh my God. Imagine there was a Bomb on your head On your skull That was gonna go off But you had to say

What hockey player Played for the Pittsburgh Penguins And the Nashville Predators I'd just be like Crush me now Nick Bonino Yeah the only one

I remember is Cause our kids Are very interested in It's off Well they are They're interested in Horror movies Oh yeah Cause it was Halloween It was And they The only one I remember is, because our kids are very interested in. It's off. Well, they are. They're interested in horror movies. Oh, yeah.

Because it was Halloween. It was. And they love the idea of a horror movie, but it's too scary. But they want to know what they're about. And we're like, yeah, Saw is. Rube Goldberg-esque. Yeah. There's a guy who's got puzzles and you got to solve.

It's like you're in an escape room, but maybe the key to the room is in your stomach yeah exactly i think that's what the woman has to dig through her boyfriend's stomach to find a key to the reverse bear trap on her and she's like oh no i why did i serve him such so much chili now i gotta get it's not the blood that kills you so much as the chili. Oh, it's so spicy. Why did I put so many different keys in this chili? And if he was like,

no, don't do it. She was like, I was thinking we would break up anyway. I don't feel like this was going anywhere. So I'm going to go for that key

and then I am out of here. I'm not sticking around. So how do you get a key in a man's stomach without him knowing? Oh yeah, I guess you knock him out. Yeah. You knock him out, you do surgery, you hide a key in there and's stomach without him knowing oh yeah i guess you you knock him out yeah you do surgery you hide a key in there yeah you gotta get the key out did the guy does he wake up being like huh what's this scar on my stomach yeah yeah oh well anyway

this room sucks i hate being in this room the thing is too is in the first one, it's like all kind of ramshackle, you know, irons and rusted metal. And as it goes on, there's ones that have lasers. So there's ones that have a whole room. Well, they're getting their new jigsaws. Yeah, but they're. They say that there's something like tens of thousands of, I might have that number wrong, of serial killers operating right now in north america 10 000 when i said i got that number wrong in north america maybe they're all in one village too maybe yeah yeah look look to your left look to your right if you're not a serial killer

um but there could be you know 10 jigsaws, certainly. Oh, sure. At the very least. Well, that should be a movie, 10,000 jigsaws. See, that's not bad at all. The most recent one, it goes back in time and he's back. It's supposed to be what would happen after the second movie or the first movie. So they bring him back.

Oh, so it's a jigsaw that we didn't see. It's a jigsaw that we saw in the first one. So they bring him back. Oh, so it's a jigsaw that we didn't see. It's a jigsaw that we saw in the first one. Right. Yeah. But we haven't put one of these other things that he did to movie yet.

It was like the creators were like, oh yeah, there was another jigsaw thing that he did that we forgot about. Yeah, so they go back in time and then,

so 10 takes place after two, I think, immediately after two. They don't go back in time. They might. I don't know. I haven't seen it. They don't. If I think, immediately after two. They don't go back in time. They might. I don't know. I haven't seen it. They don't.

If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and kill Jigsaw before he could do all that stuff. That's according to unilad.com. Just how many serial killers

are there on the loose in the U.S. right now? Well, if you're thinking between five and ten, you're in for an unwelcome surprise. It's 12. What do you

call the guy that Joe Rogan is always like, look that up, look that up. It's Dave today. Okay, so my 10,000 was a little high. Okay. According to the World Atlas, the FBI reckons there are between 25 and 50 active serial killers in the United States.

Okay, okay. That seems high to me. That seems high. Yeah. But, no, I mean, it's lower than someone recently told me it was 10,000. So, that would be really bad. 10,000 serial killers. That's great.

That's for a movie, 10,000 serial killers. I mean, there's one for every state one for every state yeah oh yeah I wonder if they like represent their state

yeah they do like a swimsuit competition usually just wearing socks and a shirt their talent is all

murdering yeah well some of the guys do puzzles that's true do very involved puzzles ask questions about the state of the guys do puzzles. That's true. Do very involved puzzles. Ask questions about the state of the world.

What would you do? I'd kill, get my hands on somebody and kill them if I could. Yeah. How would you solve the crisis? I'd kill my way out of it. Reverse bear trap. Yeah. There's one guy Who's

Skill is He's a sommelier Oh that Totally There'd be the sommelier Killer That would be Oh wow

Hannibal Lecter Yeah Fava beans Or like you'd be Not candy Fava beans sandwich Would you be in a Reverse bear trap

And there'd be three wines And you'd have to tell him which are wines or which? Oh my God. That would suck. Yeah, that would suck. Now, do you really like wine? Sometimes. Yeah, okay. Could you tell the difference between wines?

No. Okay. Unless one was like clearly white. Not even. Am I blindfolded? I don't know if I could tell a warm white from a cold red yeah you could you could you could okay yeah i don't like white good you don't like white no okay um i can't drink the red because it gives me a migraine headache no migraine headache i only drink it because it's

um i get if it's cold in the winter i don't want to drink a cold thing but i want to drink yeah of course right you got it so red wine is like the ultimate in room temperature alcohol yeah and then you know hot toddy cooled off a little bit remember people uh like in the aughts people would be like oh if you're sick you have to drink a hot toddy you have to drink yeah by law we read that in maxim yeah like i remember going to i remember being 25 and going to a bar and being like oh i have the flu this is back when you like the bar and they were like welcome come in and people be like oh you have to have a hot toddy and now with the knowledge that we have it's like don't drink alcohol at all yeah i mean ever yeah that's true they're really that's

the real the new angle is don't ever drink alcohol i'm not sold i'm not sold on this uh i was at a bar in vancouver and there was a poster i don't know if this is legal by law but it was a poster being like every drink you have is a step closer to cancer or something no that's uh that's not required by law that was just purely a choice of the bar it's not really not smart yeah some places have a theme bar that's like, we're sort of like a cheeky place. There are places you're getting cancer. That's our theme. Yeah, you go in the bathroom,

the whole wall is just pasted with cigarette packs. Yeah, they really, what is the thing? There's like, it was that you would have like five a week or something like that, or seven a week. It was that you could have like 5 a week or something like that Or 7 a week It was 14 a week for guys

And now it's 2 And then they said The UN said that it probably causes cancer It's the highest they can be without Without collecting data Yeah but like so does sugar And I love both Cancer cells love sugar

um yeah i'm told yeah by people seeing how much sugar i eat hey you know what i was reading a comic book to my daughter okay then spider-man swinging in oh no i was reading a dog man my daughter and uh no it was it was a cat kid comic club a spin-off a dog man. Okay. My daughter. And, uh, no, it was, it was a cat kid comic club. It was a spinoff from dog man.

Sure. And there's, there's two characters, uh, saw a bowl of sugar and they grabbed a bunch of sugar cubes. And I turned to my daughter and I was like, have you ever seen a sugar cube? Is that something from something that still exists?

And she's like, I have no idea. We, I know for a fact that I have a box of them in my house but i gave up putting sugar in coffee because i was like that's just sugar i could enjoy somewhere else sure i'm not gonna waste it in coffee i haven't seen sugar cubes in so long probably because i haven't gone to coffee hour after church in so many years little little uh brown stir sticks and uh yeah and a big uh mcdonald's a tub of orange drink do you was that part of your childhood orange drink oh yeah i had some orange

drink i mean you guys aren't that much older than i am i'm 36 years old i'm 58 58 yeah wow i'm about to retire i'm gonna retire this is the last episode, right? Yeah. Okay, that's great. There's a comedian who's, he's an elder comedian, and he's been saying all year that he's retiring from comedy. And I'm like, well, fine. Congratulations. Yeah, technically I've also retired from comedy. Like, if you do it zero times a week, yeah, okay,

you're not in comedy anymore. But it's not like, well, I'm going to cash in my comedy pension. Does this person do shows still? I guess. He's still hustling the mics? Yeah, I guess. But he's like, I'm going to retire. Yeah, he's saying like, put me on before I retire.

Hey, what's your retirement plan? Well, I got this nice coffin. I've been saving up for a coffin. I'm going to live in it until I die. You should. They should market that. Yeah, you should just, you know, small plot of land, casket size,

and yeah, you just live in your cabin. Why don't they allow you to do that? I don't know. It would certainly make the graveyard scarier. Yeah, don't expect to get out with all your belongings if you go to the graveyard condo building. Now, Adam, before the show, we were talking about how

the Yuck Yucks Comedy Club in Vancouver has become a place called School of Rock, which we believe is a place for kids to take music. Yeah. That's kind of the, I would honestly, if the devil had a gun to my head and told me, if jigsaw had a reverse bear trap to my jaw and said,

what is school of rock? I would with 100% confidence say that it's a place where children learn. Yeah. And you were talking about is, is it possible? Do they do shows? with 100% confidence, say that it's a place where children learn how to play instruments. And you were talking about, is it possible, do they do shows and can them still? No, I wasn't asking can.

I said there's no way they would let a single man watch one of these shows. And then you said, would they? I grabbed my phone, started typing in it. Yeah, you hang around out front looking for scalper tickets. Last minute tickets to the School of Rock show. Going on setlist.fm to see what they played last night.

They're new stuff. Nah, I'm not going to go. And then you started saying, I worked at Chuck E. Cheese. We cut you off and we said, tell us. Because there is, this is a, a I mean this is a look behind the curtain of podcasting but I hope do people know

the term save it for the pod I guess because it's said before pod so it's never on pod yeah but we do it

and then we forget yeah that's true you say save it for the pod and then you just forget yeah because you're we're having so much fun talking about song

but save it for the pod is something uttered before every before most podcasts and then you just forget. Because you're an after that. We're having so much fun talking about song. But Save It For The Pod is something I uttered before every, before most podcasts. Now you've been, you're a podcaster from way back. Yeah.

What was the show with Bob Kerr? It was called Zoinked. But I was saying that I worked at Chuck E. Cheese because at Chuck E. Cheese you had to have a child to enter chucky cheese

oh that makes sense you weren't allowed to come into chucky cheese unless you were accompanying a child and you would get a glow-in-the-dark um stamp on your hand and uh you would um when you were leaving and entering they would make sure that you had the stamp because you couldn't leave with the child and not had a stamp on your hand right because that meant you broke into chuck e cheese through the back and you're stealing it right yeah yeah what did you do there i was the games room attendant wow yeah the grt gra were you like just supervising these tickets are working and the machines are in good order and let let me tell you, they never are.

All of these machines are made out of garbage, and they were always breaking. And it's the first time I ever had a panic attack was at the games room at Chuck E. Cheese. How come? What happened? Well, all the games were broken at once, which usually had gotten into a big fight. Because these games are operated by children who break things.

And a lot of the games are literally hamming them. You're whacking a mole. Yeah. Half the games are basically called break this thing. Or it's like, you know, this will break if anyone like over 40 pounds hangs off this, it will break. It's going to snap. And guess what? This happens every hour.

Yeah. So they're all breaking. And there were signs of the saying that playing more than two games a week gives you cancer. Probably. So I remember every game was broken and I was putting one of these

because the tickets go and the tickets go in a big stack of tickets. You insert them into the ticket. Oh, that's interesting. I thought a roll. Yeah, me too. Not a roll, stack. Stack. You put, insert them into the ticket. Oh, that's interesting. I thought a roll. Yeah, me too. Not a roll stack.

So I was putting the stack and there's children around me everywhere telling me this game's broken. That game's broken. Screaming around me. And you're just in like a uniform. I'm just in a uniform. Okay. And yeah,

you don't have, I think it's like a, possibly a referee. Okay. Oh yeah. That's yeah. Yeah. And you,

you, you moonlit it. Footlocker. Footlocker. Yeah. And, uh, uh you know as a referee toronto maple leafs um as a referee yeah the big referee gig the big three i forget paris and then um i was putting the tickets in and in my hand they exploded and they went everywhere oh shit and i remember like looking up into middle space where all these children were yelling at me.

And I think I had a panic attack. I think I went to, I remember one time I was working a shift at Chuck E. Cheese and I would go hide in the broom closet and just sit down. Yeah. And one time my manager walked in and just found me sitting in the dark in the broom closet. I'm having deja vu. Have we heard this before? to be sitting in the dark in the broom closet i'm having deja vu have we heard this before uh i know that we definitely had uh past guest dave mirage told us about working at he was a mascot at one of these oh sure and the kids attacked him and um oh yeah i was i was chuckie cheese twice uh we

have uh in vancouver there's probably a chuckie Cheese in those suburbs, but we have Granville Island Kids Market has a similar games arcade Where you buy children at this thing? Yeah, yeah You don't need a stamp or anything It's a market only for kids There's actually a little tiny door that they can go in while the grown-ups go in the big door

Oh, pretty good. But in this games arcade they have, you know you go, you put your, I think you need cash to get tokens out. And then you play the games with the tokens. They spit out tickets. Then you take the tickets over. They weigh them and they determine how many tickets you have and you get a prize. That system has been replaced by and you get a prize. That system has been replaced by you get a card.

You get a card. That seems less fun. It is less fun without having the coins. Or the tickets. Oh, it just all happens on the card. Yeah. Ugh. No way.

I mean, I wish I had that when I worked at Chuck E. Cheese. I know. That would be phenomenal. But that system would break. Yeah, absolutely. A kid would splash a Coke on the mainframe. Oh, yeah. Jones. I know. That would be phenomenal. But that system would break. Yeah, absolutely. A kid would splash a Coke on the mainframe. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. When I was in Las Vegas many months ago, Oh, my God. I wanted... My favorite city in the world. Go on. I love it.

He loves wine. He loves Vegas. There's only one casino I could find that still used coins. Everything else is exactly what you're saying. What casino is that?

That's Circus Circus. Oh, Circus Circus. Where did you stay in Las Vegas? Uh, one night stayed at the Bellagio and then the rest of the time, just a little like a hotel just off the strip. Oh. Yeah. Graham got married.

I got married in Vegas. Oh. Oh. Oh my God. Congratulations. Thank you. Is this your first time in Las Vegas? Yeah.

Wow. Is this your first time talking about it since you got married? Uh nope Oh okay I think yeah I talked about going to Vegas Um your first time And your wife's first time in Vegas? Yes Wow

It was your first time or your family went? I went when I was a kid So I feel like I didn't really see Vegas No no no Um But yeah it was a blast Did you go to the Sphere? Did you see U2?

The Sphere wasn't open yet But it was there But they only flicked it on Like a month or two ago Oh I was there for the Sphere Did you see U2? No

I was there for Vegas Summer League The NBA basketball tournament Oh And it was my first time in Vegas And I said I This is my favorite city in America Did you see Victor Wambanyana?

I did I did It's alive. Very tall. Yeah. Really tall. Big arm span. What did you like about Vegas?

Or are you, did you actually hate it? No, I loved it. Yeah. I truly loved it. I loved it too. Yeah. I think it's wonderful. The only thing that I couldn't figure out, and I have a friend that lives there.

I was like, do you get used to just the blazing heat? Like, can you go and run errands and stuff without going from air conditioned condition she said you do yeah that was speaking of britney spears that was where britney spears who i guess lives in vegas or is performing yeah she ran up to victor wim pinata and uh he didn't know who she was and um his security knocked her away yeah Yeah, knocked her to the ground. Yeah, maybe. Oh, God. I think he, like, pushed her face or something. Well, yeah. I was there. It was like everybody was talking about it.

It was crazy. Yeah. Pushed her. He just pumped somebody's hand. But he's an enormous man, and he's got people chasing him down all the time. He doesn't know that this is Britney Spears. That's true.

Britney Spears doesn't deserve that. Everyone else does.. That's true. Britney Spears doesn't deserve that. Everyone else does. Yeah. Yeah. But Britney Spears should have carte blanche to shake any hand she wants. I hope there's at least a paragraph about it in her 120 page book. An addendum. An addendum.

An addendum. I'm an addendum. I'm an addendum. I'm an addendum. But yeah, I love Vegas. I hope I go 10 times before I die. It's, I would go back. Like I get people who go, who say like, I go 10 times before I die I would go back I get people who say I go every single year

I totally understand Did you go to the neon graveyard? No I was too hot So you gotta go back, go at night Go in the winter Go for Christmas Go for winter league I truly will

Don't try to stop me Have you ever been to Vegasgas dave uh yeah i won a contest whoa to uh from a radio station in 2006 the uh 2008 i don't know what did you have to do was to be six scholar or no i was a standout comedy competition oh oh yeah it was the funniest comedian with a day job and i had to perform At Boston Pizza At six in the morning Oh yeah Wait was that in Ontario? No it was in Vancouver

There was one in Vancouver too Yeah Six in the morning And Good thing there was No games back then Yeah Who would have to

Got up at three in the morning And a lot of people Who were like I worry We came here To Boston Pizza To watch this competition Like strangers

Like not people We'll have your Breakfast pizza please Stahls pierogies on it Your non-stop pop For those of you Who don't know Boston Pizza

Is a pizza chain Which by the way I learned So there's a Canadian pizza chain Called Boston Pizza And they serve Pierogi pizza

It's like pizza With fries on it And whatnot I'm sure you can Get a regular pizza Yeah you can get A heart shaped pizza On Valetized

That's right. Yeah. I've called it the worst chain restaurant in Canada. Oh, that's interesting. I don't know if they're a sponsor of yours and I can't say that. No, no, we don't have sponsors. But yeah, this is an interesting conundrum. Go ahead.

But this is up for debate. I want to have this debate. So everyone always talks about how dumb it is that Boston Pizza is called Boston Pizza because Boston Pizza, Boston, Massachusetts pizza does not exist yeah right detroit pizza there's you know deep chicago we all know new york new york style pizza boston pizza doesn't exist oh vegas pizza but i learned recently it's named after a guy like boston is one of the guys who started the chain that's why it's called boston pizza whoa yeah that's interesting that's interesting as hell i didn't know that yeah the other one of the guys that started it is like the old guy on dragons yeah i think so yeah and his uh son is the

general manager of the toronto maple leafs is that I think so, they're both tree livings, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah The thing about Boston Pizza, if you're on the road doing comedy If you're after a show Wanting to get something to eat Usually Boston Pizza is the only game in town Now I'm trying to think of a worse chain Because I don't have any animosity

Towards Boston Pizza I think it's, you know I got busted for bringing a drink into, uh, an alcoholic drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the hell? You're not allowed to do that anyway. No, I know. And I was drunk. And then the, the kid that was serving us was like, I saw you bring that.

Yeah, but I'm allowed to a week. And this is what it was already open. I saw it. So do what? Did he take it from you? Yes. The kid took it from you. Yeah. it. So did he take it from you? Yes. The kid took it from you.

And then did he have to frisk you? Had to, wanted to. For me, I feel like Boston Pizza is, they have nonstop pop. They've got, I used to get a little lasagna. Oh, sure. I used to go on dates. Abby and I used to go on dates there. Oh, my God.

Oh, sure. I used to go on dates. Abby and I used to go on dates there. Oh, my God. And the times, the things that I think are worse are like generic, like Kelsey's. Kelsey's. That's kind of like a breakfast-y, lunch-y place? No, it's like just a generic diner food. Yeah.

Yeah. Or, boy, I feel like even. We're talking Outback Steakhouse. We're talking. I don't, but I don't think of that as canadian right i think of like east side marios or yeah uh yeah oh for a long time i think the one that always got under my skin was jack asters you're like jack asters was too silly for its own good and and now it's like a club now jack asters is like a nightclub yeah i know i'm gonna go there and the bartender still writes his name on a piece of paper And now it's like a club. Now Jack Astor's is like a nightclub. Yeah, I know.

I'm going to go there and the bartender still writes his name on a piece of paper. On your placemat? Yeah, you get a kid's placemat. This will keep you busy while you're waiting for a drink. It's got a martini glass with a maze in it you gotta find the olive this is a really good idea yeah connect the food uh like a and w is obviously great it stands for abracadabra that's right um people love harvey's i've always liked harvey i don't have it anymore here um you know what's interesting when i lived in the states i was really excited to go to all of the because you see commercial you see american commercials in canada and you you go

wow i'd love to go to a sonic i've never been to a sonic yeah or i've never been to a jack in the box absolutely and so i went to all these places and i was like oh the cream does rise to the top when it comes to the international chain yeah like there's a reason why this hasn't broken through these places are disgusting there's a what is it that's in the airport carl jr yeah there's a reason why this hasn't broken through. These places are disgusting. There's a, what is it that's in the airport? Carl's Jr.? Yeah, there's a Carl's Jr. in the airport. Which is just such a random thing to have. I did try my first Arby's a few weeks ago.

I loved it. Have you had an Arby's? Arby's is, there's Arby's in Canada. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But he had never had it. I love Arby's. Yeah, yeah.

I loved it. And people think that, when I say this, people think I'm joking. And I'm absolutely not. And Graham was, Graham. Eating at Arby's in joking. And I'm absolutely not. And Graham was. Eating at Arby's in Vegas. That's your seventh heaven. Honestly, God. Graham was lamenting Arby's.

His childhood. He went to Arby's once. And can I tell this? Yes, please. Well, he was at his friend's house. And the parents said they're going to go for hamburgers. And it ended up being Arby's. So pissed. And the parents weren't're going to go over hamburgers and ended up being Arby's. And so pissed.

And the parents weren't Canadian. And so it's all hamburgers to them. And you described the meat as gray with like that rainbowy oil on it. You would see like in a gasoline bottle. that friend also is the friend that uh we discovered uh porn magazines in his dad's toolbox and it was all women with drills and wrenches and then you looked in his glove compartment it was all naked ladies in cars with gloves on yeah because of the compartment yeah

but then he had like an on theme porno oh boy what are your thoughts on the Canadian chain smokes poutine-ery

mmm I'll eat there I'll eat there if it's the the only game in town poutine-wise feel like I've eaten it in Winnipeg a few times never in Montreal I would never I'll eat there. I'll eat there if it's the only game in town, poutine-wise. Feel like I've eaten it in Winnipeg a few times.

Never in Montreal. I would never eat it in Montreal. No, no, no. Of course, come on. But, yeah, I'm trying to think, like, I'm trying to grasp in my head. This is such a hard thing. He said that bossa pizza is the worst, and it's my job to come up with a worse one. This is hard. This is hard.

I mean, what's he going to do? Be like, oh, you're right. No, he's made his stand. That's true. I will, you know, if I, I'll play fair.

If I do believe you're right, I'll say you're right. I'm just wondering, like, do you have things like, there's so many that are so similar that. Yeah. Trying to think of one that has annoying advertising.

Milestone sucks. Milestone does suck. But. Moxie's rule. Moxie's rules. Cactus Club the best yeah earls is earls goat tear yeah it's absolutely this is just west coast right yeah i don't know i'm that's where i live so i think it is i know there's one in downtown toronto and there's one in calgary because we grew up with oh yeah when earls was still wacky. When it was like white albino rhino. Yeah.

Yeah. And now is it sexy? Yeah. It's very sexy. It's very seductive. Is Cactus Club just West Coast? Cactus Club. Yeah.

Cactus Club is great. Joey's is goaded with the sauce. Yeah. All those rule. The keg. Everybody enjoys the keg. Yeah. Swish LA. I love Swish LA

Is Wahlbergers a Canadian name? Yeah, that is Mark Wahlberg The Canadian Prime Minister Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well Not a heck of a lot So, Abby's We inherited a computer.

Mazel. Congratulations. Your first? Uh, well, our first family computer for like the kids to like look stuff up. Yeah. Yeah. Go on Encarta. Uh, exactly.

And cause they get like, there, there's these apps that they can use from school. We never do. Yeah. Because I'm like taking out my laptop and like, well, don't look at this. Yeah. And so we got this family computer that we inherited and we needed a place to put it. Yeah. So we headed to Ikea and we bought a little desk.

And I'm a person, by the way, when I went there, I went to Popeye's. Yep. There's a Popeye's right next door. Yep. Fantastic Canadian chain. Great Canadian chain. And then came home. I love putting Ikea furniture together.

I'm not one of these guys who's like, oh, I have the extra dowels. I want extra dowels. I can use them for crafts. So I get it home, and I start making it, and I get out the instructions. I'm not one of these guys who's like, oh, these instructions.

To you, the whole process is great. Yeah. What's with the names of these guys who's like these instructions to you the whole process is great yeah what's with the names of these things Ektorp now I can see why you're wanting

Phonies comic with a day job and this is good stuff and I got to go see Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno on that trip as well.

Wait a minute. How much stuff did you win? I won a trip to Las Vegas. Yeah. Three nights. Um, uh, and then,

uh, with, you got to go see Jerry Seinfeld at, at Caesars and Jay Leno at, um, Weezers. The weird Weezer hotel. And,

uh, yeah. You want my sweater? It was a gift shop. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. You want my sweater? It was a gift shop. Yeah. Wait, how was, how,

how were they? Uh, did you laugh? Did you laugh at Jerry Seinfeld? Yes. And Jay Leno? Yeah. You know,

Oh, I laughed at Jerry Seinfeld and not so much at Jay Leno. Okay. Um, and then he would literally like the guy in front of me at Jay Leno was wearing like a big Hawaiian shirt and holding a cigar and had his arms around two women. It's like, this is the life. Yeah, this is the crowd. Isn't this great, ladies?

Jay freaking Leno from the television show. Yeah. Jay freaking Leno From the television show Yeah And Jay Leno literally did Went through the entire front row Of the theater And asked everyone their job

Whoa That's a lot of people I mean that's Matt Rife's bit Matt Rife is the handsome comedian right? Oh The handsome doesn't even explain it I think they should You know how comedy clubs

used to have names like yuck yucks and the chuckle hut yeah now there should be one called what do you do for work it's the spritzing only yeah i need to populate my tiktok yeah running out of good stuff um anyway so so I'm making this thing. Yeah. And the problem with this IKEA desk is it's got a little drawer. And you can choose which side the drawer goes on. You can choose. Yeah. So it could either be left, on the left side or the right side.

And you kind of have to, I had to do the thing, like we were talking about when you're on Google Maps and you're walking around and you're like, wait, which way am I facing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to do that so many times. Well, like, OK, so this has these holes on this side, but the instructions are facing this way. So I had to, like, orient myself around the room, put the piece down on the ground and be like, OK, now I'm that guy from the catalog. I'm the guy with the nose yeah yeah yeah uh i hope i'm not on the phone to ikea later like this guy um and uh yeah so they make it um uh it's a little complicated when you can choose which side because there's like two paths of your instructions. And they.

Choose your own adventure style. Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen this ever in an Ikea. No, I mean, in any furniture. Well, we have a bunk bed or like a loft bed that had like so many options. Options. Oh, like where the stairs would go. Yeah.

You could have the desk on this side, the closet on this side. Huh. Closet in a bed. Oh, it's a loft bed. So it's underneath the bed. So there's a closet under one of the beds? Well, there's just one bed. So it's not a bunk bed, it's just a loft bed.

And what's under the loft bed? There's a closet. A closet. A desk? A desk and a some bookshelves. Where's this desk you're putting together going to live? Oh, it's next to the TV. Oh, so it's main floor. Yeah. No, no, uh, closeable door.

Um, and it was, uh, in the garage. Actually, I keep it in my toolbox. I'm just going to head out for some hamburgers. Taco Bell. And then so I, it goes up to like step nine in the, in the instructions. And then it fast forwards to step 25.

And I was like, oh, okay. I guess steps 10 to 24 are if you're doing it the other way. Right. And I turn the page and I, and I go through i go through it i'm like okay so we go to 25 right that works wait i think i'm missing something and then i look and there is no 10 to 24 anywhere in the uh instructions oh shit and so um i love how this is a this is a thing like the the loft bed specifically is you're going to put a child about six feet in the air. And then the instructions are just like, wing it. Yeah. Do whatever you want.

Well, the loft bed's done. I did that a couple of years ago. Loft bed's all good. No incidents with the loft bed. A little too close to the ceiling sometimes. If I go up there, I'm scraping my head. Right. Like if one of your kids wakes up, don't wake style they're gonna bang their head yeah well no they wouldn't i would

you would if i slept up there hey you know what i'm scared you i want to sleep there yeah yeah yeah let's trade you go and you sleep with mom yeah yeah um anyway so uh i had to go download the p PDF of this, uh, instruction. Did you use your new computer? Just did it on my phone. And,

uh, you know what? Bingo, bango did the whole thing. Uh, we can't get one of the drawers out. That's a very hard thing to wrap my head around is the runners that the drawers go on. Yeah.

I had a desk once that you couldn't pull the drawer unless you like press down a very specific way to get it on the runner. Maybe that's what I have. Yeah. Cause I would, I would like go at it with a, like a screwdriver trying to open it. And it was literally just like tap and pull. But I didn't realize that until the last month I had it.

You only get it for a few months. Yeah. I had to trade it in. But maybe you just say, it's like women's pants. Like women's pants pockets sometimes are just ornamental pockets. Yeah. Just say it's. Yeah.

This is like women's pants. This is for show. Yeah. And then set up the computer. This was on a Sunday. I set up the computer and then the kids go to school on Monday. My daughter comes home. First thing she says is we have a research project on bees.

And I'm like, yes, www.bees.wtf. Yeah. All right. So we need to find out what makes this honey. Makes this buzzing sound. And we have to fill out a grid

oh wow yeah that's it yeah the the yeah man i remember there wasn't a lot of uh fixings on the internet uh research wise but you had you had a couple discs encyclopedia discs i mean imagine remember having to go to the library oh yeah. And you need one piece of information and you can't hit control F and find the word wing. I want to know what the B is, wing. I remember when I was a kid and we had computer class in like grade, you know, nine. And I remember in the 45 minute class or however long it was, it might have been an hour and 15 minutes. The assignment was get a picture of the thing that you are researching and we had an hour and 15 minutes because that's

how long it was going to take all of us to find a photo download it and then print it one hour and 15 minutes all right there you go good yeah a plus yeah yeah. You wanted a shark? There's a shark. There's a shark. Front of the class. So Ikea is goaded. And Graham, what's going on with you? Speaking of buying things, in my apartment, you have to have a phone to access the buzzer

to let somebody in. It doesn't come with a phone? It doesn't come with a phone and there's no intercom in the wall or anything like that. So you have to have somebody in. It doesn't come with a phone? It doesn't come with a phone, and there's no intercom in the wall or anything like that. So you have to have a phone. And we bought a cool one. My sister-in-law found it at a thrift store. Did you get a hamburger phone like Juno?

It's very hard to find a hamburger or a hot dog phone or one of those clear phones where you can see all the internet working. But I found a nice old, you know, not rotary phone, but looks like the old rotary phone yeah it had push push button heavy heavy kill a man with it absolutely oh

that scene in high fidelity when he punches uh uh tim robbins in the face of the phone his teeth fly out yeah so we had like one of those but uh it stopped working had to do a whole foo for all like i said no it's the doors that's not working then the super came over and did it made me look like a total jackass he's like it's your phone so then for a long time i just didn't have a phone and i would people would buzz and i just say i'm gonna come down or leave it at the door and so uh but eventually it was time to get a new phone it's not super easy to find a new phone uh-huh uh that isn't an office phone like one of those ones that you know please hold and yeah right uh so i thought the the only kind of coming to the cordless phones coming like varieties, one cordless phone or four or five cordless phones all in a box.

Wow. Yeah. Those are the two choices cordless wise. I bought a cordless and then I remember why we didn't have a cordless was because it needed to be plugged in for power. So there was no power outlet next to the phone outlet. Oh, sure. So I went back and I returned it to London Drugs. Now, I'm sure you went to Value Village before. No, I just wanted, I needed it double time.

So it was just like, I'm going to get a phone I know that works. I went to Lender Drugs who recently said at this one location, they were thinking of shutting it down because shoplifting is so rampant that they can't keep a cap on things. So they're thinking of closing this location. And so I was. Sorry, you read about this or someone told you about this? This was in the news.

This was in the news. Yeah. Right. That they were thinking of closing because it's too, it's too crazy. Really? So being in there makes you edgy. There's so many security guards in there and I'm returning a thing.

So it looks like I've stolen, right. I'm about to steal a phone and I return it. And I love the woman that I returned to reason for returning the phone. I was like, just doesn't work. Like it's fine, but I just doesn't work for my house.

Fine. Do you have a receipt fine this is the only like real transaction that she's had all day that hasn't been theft related hi i'm looking to steal a phone well yeah but i don't want one of those office phones uh do you have something like a garfield phone do you have anything like that that i can steal but uh yeah i felt i was edgy the whole time and so i bought there's only one kind of phone that was just like a cord and a base phone and uh and then that needed a battery oh my god it's just exhausting but if you're looking for just a phone like a phone with the curly yeah cord you're gonna have one choice if you go to any kind of like northern telecom your choice curly corded phones and it's like uh uh yeah you'd have to i don't know where else you could buy one except for london drugs if you're in a city that

doesn't have a london drugs best buy best buy wouldn't have a cord phone in it what does best buy have the games they got lots of games they got they got wordle they probably have wordle yeah on disc you can give to a friend um yeah when did i last go to best buy but like when was the last time you were ever in a section where there were phones that weren't like cell phones cell phones i remember i got a phone for my birthday one year because i ever in a section where there were phones that weren't like cell phones cell phones i remember i got a phone for my birthday one year because i was in a section and i saw this cool phone i wanted nice what was it it was just kind of clear it was flat and clear cool had a good read all button yeah for radio contest oh the funniest comedian

the funniest comedian with a day job or seventh caller goes to vegas but you got you got it you did i got it i hooked it up buzzing in people has been a real treat okay you've done it yeah yeah yeah wow yeah you let a lot of strangers in the building yeah yeah yeah oh i do that all the time if i go to the door and there's somebody just standing there like come in oh i've never stopped. I wouldn't. Yeah. I've been stopped a lot.

I would stop people. I heard there's 10,000 active serial killers. Um, yeah. So, uh, did you ever have a fun phone? No, never in my life. I've seen pictures of an Al phone that I'm pretty interested in, but whoa whoa we had a duck phone that quacked oh yeah yeah the ringer was a quack yeah can you like what kind of quack are we talking can you wow that's no it was like okay uh it looked it wasn't like a cartoony duck it was like you know

a piece of art yeah right it was like a mallard. Right. Um, and I went, Oh, can I, can I try again? Yeah. Yeah. Can I try again? Yeah. Yeah.

Can I try again? It says cock. Cock. Can I try again? No, I can do it. Can I try again? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. You can do it can i try again yeah yeah there you go more like that yeah yeah okay check it um i uh yeah i had when i was good i had the clear phone so you can see all the

oh yeah did you learn anything yeah i said there's wires in there if i yell really loud they turn bright red oh yeah yeah the wires heat up like it was kind of as fun as when you would make a clock that's charged by a potato now let me ask you a question go on you rub a magic lamp and genie comes out yeah and she goes thank you so much. I've been in and out of a lamp for thousands of years. Can I stretch my legs here? Yeah. Give me a second.

And then he goes, okay, so I can't give you any wish. I can just give you one and it's a yes or no question. Do you want me to make your skin clear so you can see inside of you and see your organs much like the clear phone? Yes. Because I'd be a celebrity. Do I get any follow-up questions i was i thought you were gonna say do i get any followers and yes yeah yeah yeah yeah you're clear clearman you'd be one of the most famous man in the world presumably yeah yeah

not a freak that everyone uh uh didn't want to look at no people you'd go up to anyone in the world and you go name a person they'd be like uh jesus christ the guy with clear skin you can see inside of his body and muhammad gandhi that's true every tiktok would be like watch me eat a muffin isn't that weird like and subscribe to see where that muffin now that's yesterday's muffin you can see it going. So yes, you can answer a follow-up question as well. Okay. Can I turn this on and off? Nope. Absolutely not.

This is all the time. Is my skin alike? Does it have any pigment to it at all? Nope. Okay. That's better because I don't want to be like milky. Yeah. You're not going to be milky.

No. No. Just straight. Like one of those, like a model you would have. Good body. Yeah. Yeah. See-through. Yeah. You're not going to be milky. No. No. Just straight like one of those, like a model you would have. Good body. Yeah. Yeah. See-through.

Yeah. Didn't I feel like Heidi Klum went to this basic setup for Halloween? Really? Oh, she's got great costumes. She does. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, does it do, what can I turn on and off? Like, okay, let's look at my circulatory system. That's a really good question. Okay. Now we're doing digestive. Yeah just muscles just muscles yeah brain and brain related things uh-huh yeah

can you or no oh no you cannot become invisible you can't be like oh no this is the smallest part of a body so i can go no but it's like yeah because like i don't know yeah muscles are blocking uh certain things i'm like you know what i want because like i don't know yeah muscles are blocking uh certain things i'm like you know what i want to see you don't want to just be muscle man yeah because you just see my abs you wouldn't see me digesting food yeah yeah would you be able to do a layer where there's just fat on you on top of the muscle absolutely and how do i do this is i just will it like i can control it or do i have to push a button you have to go clear man uh circulatory system go and then it happens nice yeah your name is now clear man too yeah do i need do i need to

learn the like names of all the systems oh yeah endocrines let's do it you can look it up on your phone or oh you still get a phone yeah you still get a phone yeah you still get a phone you have fingerprints can i add one more thing go Unlimited nights and weekends on my phone plan. No, the genie can't do that. Only the skin thing. Can I add the genie to my top five? Yeah, sure. I mean, he's going to live a life too.

And the genie's been in the lamp for a thousand years. Thousands of years. Thousands of years. As many as there are serial killers in the state. Can I ask him? Go on. The who did who you talked to yeah what what how long ago like what it was 10 000 years ago and he put me in a bottle but like did he did he get the same question and was he stoned today no no i i've never i've never i've never given this wish i only give it to the person who releases me. I know, but like the guy who released him 10,000 years ago. No, no one has ever released him.

Oh, so it's not like a series of, you know, it doesn't go from Aladdin to Jafar. The last person you talked to cursed him to live inside of the bottle. Sure, okay. I want more backstory. Yeah. Do you guys think it's a good time to do some overheards? Never been a better time. Have you ever wanted to know the sad lore behind Chuck E. Cheese's love of birthday parties?

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I'm Chuck Crudsworth. And this is Terrible. A podcast where we talk about things we hate that are awful. Today we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. Host Rachel and Griffin McElroy, a real-life married couple. Yuck! Discuss a wide range of topics. Music, video games, poetry, snacks. But I hate all that stuff. I you do yucky jessica it comes out every wednesday the worst day of the week wherever you download your

podcasts for our next topic we're talking fiona the baby hippo from the cincinnati zoo i hate this little hippo overheard overheard the segment out there in here all over the place you hear it we want to hear it too and we always like to start with the guest adam do you have an overheard not really okay well you kind of okay i've been talking to my male friends about sex okay let's do it. Yeah. Sex that is. That's your, that was your merch back when you were doing standup, right? Let's do it. Sex that is. Now that I have your attention.

On the front and then on the back. DaveShumka.com. Yeah. DaveShumka.wtf. .fuck with two C's. But I am not, I was just about to say something But now I don't know if I should walk it back I was going to say I feel like us three

Aren't outwardly horny men No okay I could do more I could do more to be a hornier man I think Outwardly I don't know what's going on between But we're not like Yeah this isn't that type of podcast

that's right yeah i want it to be i want people to feel listen to the show and feel groped yeah there's not there's not like a camera set up we're not all on couches well no there is a camera set up but it's up up our skirts you don't see it but before i would say you know my entire life i've never i've never really talked about sex with men okay and i know you must just read about it in maxim i just read about it maxim actually i don't really read about sex either i just see it in that certain part of my life the sex part the sex part yeah the sex zone the sex zone yeah the s

z yeah the s z yeah it's the last letter of the alphabet so it took me a while to get to it and some depending where you are you got to change the pronunciation of it that's true that's true um z for our american listeners but um i would say for the majority of my life i i haven't talked about sex with my friends and i asked my one of my friends i go do you talk about sex with any guys and he goes yeah and i go what do you mean he goes yeah i talk about it all the time that's weird because yeah i don't i don't either i don't uh but i don't go to locker rooms so i don't know what goes on in those locker rooms. A lot of towel snapping, I assume. Yeah.

You know, that's why I don't go to the locker rooms. Yeah, exactly. It's my butt. That's getting slapped. Yeah. I'm not interested in that. No way, man. Yeah.

Uh, but yeah, I don't know. You sit around like, oh, I had a date last night. She was a goer. Holy cow. She was a goer. She went and went. Anyways, we'll see you guys later. You're still not dressed.

Yeah, I'm going to go whip it out in the hall. That's why I go to men's only fitness because it's nude all day. Dave,

do you talk about sex with your friends? No. No? Graham's my only friend and the only time I talk to him is on the show.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Anytime it's brought up, we really descend into a giggle fest. I talk to my wife about it and she's my best friend.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's usually like, can I please have some? And she's like, maybe tomorrow. You said that yesterday.

That's why you were mad when you answered the door. I'm always mad. Yeah. Um, no, I don't talk about it. I don't think I ever did.

And I did in high school. High school was like, oh yeah, that's all we talked about. But like you talked about it as, as in high school high school was like yeah oh yeah that's all we talked about but like you talked about it as as in high school talking about it was like hypothetical oh well there were guys that i know that had it a lot yeah this is my friend steve who had an ongoing relationship with the woman he babysat for so he what... What? Yeah. Wait, what? How old was she? In high school? Yeah, she was like probably...

How old would you be to have a kid? 30? And he was how old? 17? Or maybe 18, but definitely he was having an ongoing affair with her. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because she was married. Well... Whoa! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, and she was married? Yeah. Okay.

So this... this ultimate sin no this is like a crime right yeah looking at your husband it's a crime no but like that's all my wife like very as an adult you can look at that and be like oh this was a very messed up situation she had some big problems yeah but he nobody knew his way around sex like steve he really he knew all the answers yeah we had all the questions yeah yeah oh yeah i i mean i would do that but then i think as soon as i turned i mean third 24 i stopped talking about it i'd be interested in um uh like you know, Magnum condoms. Sure.

I have a fact about this, too. Okay. Give it to me. Well, I learned the Magnum condoms are only, like, one millimeter wider than regular condoms. That's what I was wondering. They're just wider. Because, yeah, regular condoms, they can unroll forever. Oh, yeah.

But a Magnum one, I was like oh oh could i i just want to know what they feel what they fit like but they only come in like a 12 pack and i don't have 11 friends but what they do have at the pharmacy like the uh dr scholl's thing you stand on you can stick your dick in like a hole and yeah you're like this is the condom size that you need. Oh, sure. Oh, and apparently I overpronate. It's all in one machine. You also get your blood pressure taken off. Yeah.

No sex talk. No sex talk. So you were leading in with... Was there... Is that the whole overheard? Well, no. I've been talking about sex with my friends. Okay.

Yeah. But since I'm not a type of guy that does that, I say, like, we're friends. I would say, and we don't have to talk about... Let's not talk about sex on the air, for God's sake. Yeah. But I would say, Dave, you're my friend. You know, I've been talking about sex with my friends now. Yeah.

Do you... We'd have this conversation, but then that would be an invitation to be like let's talk about and do you have you been yeah oh it's really nice it's and it's it's i feel step one to finally overthrowing this matriarchy that we're all they should make a ken movie but women talk about so i because i asked my girlfriend do you talk about sex with your friends she's like oh god yes huh good lord yes wow do you think your wives talk about Because I asked my girlfriend Do you talk about sex With your friends She's like Oh god yes

Huh Good lord yes Wow Do you think your wives Talk about sex With their friends I don't know I got this phone now

So maybe she Yeah she's talking She can call The Amazon guy So quiet on the phone Just people who buzz Yeah Hey what are you doing

Bed wise I'm putting one together yeah i'm putting a little i'm making a loft one uh no my wife doesn't my wife definitely doesn't no yeah but is this your overheard that you've just talked sex wise yeah this is a general just yeah that counts it counts yeah i, but I'd love a specific. You can't see their faces, but Graham and Dave are so mad at me right now. Yeah. Shaking our head.

I mean, I'm like, I'm being added to something called the ban list. I'm putting a leaf over the penis of a picture. I was, I was just wondering if there was like a very funny thing that your friends said about sex. No, well,

no, it's just nice. Yeah, I mean, I would, you know, keep my friends secrets with my dying breath. Do you, since you've never talked about sex with your friends, are you, have you been doing it wrong? Yeah, I've been doing it backwards apparently. My penis goes in instead of out, which is crazy. It retracts. That happens to all you guys, right? Where it's just like you get panicked and then right fellas this guy knows what i'm talking about but i feel like too because i've been a long relationship with a woman and a

lot of my friends are married and they've been together for like five plus years yeah and i feel like those people especially like me don't talk about sex at all. Because I'm like, hey, I don't want you to think about my damn girlfriend having sex. No, you know what? I remember I had a friend open up to me about like sex after 40. And he was like, wow, it's so good now. And we do this and this. And I'm like, okay, yeah, it's good. That's good.

That's good. I'm like, yeah, it's good for me too. But I'm not going to say we do this and this. Oh, I'm not talking about this and this. You talk about other things about it. Yeah, this and that. This and that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, man. Oh, boy. So it was Halloween night. Go on. Too scary. We're now pre-pandemic. Before we were Zooming, we were always recording a week ahead. Yeah. And we're back to're, we're now pre pandemic before we were zooming.

We were always recording a week ahead. Yeah. And we're back to it and I'm loving it. Yeah. Um, and that's what podcasting is after 40. It's, uh,

it's so nice. So nice. Cause I remember, well, when I feel like whenever I've come on the show, I go, Oh, talking about a current event.

And you guys are like, like, I'll be talking about Halloween. You guys would be like, this will air on St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, that may be true. You can't talk about today's wordle, because that'll already be solved. And you can't say anything these days.

God damn it. We can't even broadcast this at a college. So it was Halloween night, and you went to the, the Canucks played a hockey game. Yep. As they often do. As they often do. And who's,

they played against Nashville Predators. And who played for both those teams? None other than Ham Hughes. Also Cliff Ronning. I know you got one more. Oh, well, and I said Nick Bonino before.

He's kind of a good, there's a few journeyman players that you can kind of just guess like, oh, Ole Jokinen played for 12 teams. Nice. So if you're stuck, you can just stick to Ole Jokinen. Yeah,

you can stick to Ole Jokinen, Mike Sillinger, Jaromir Jaeger played for a lot of teams. That's true. I'm learning a lot on this podcast. And, um, but,

uh, the Canucks have a new, um, they have John Shorthouse, who is the, uh, play-by-play guy yep and their usual um color commentary guy john garrett uh has uh semi-retired he's not doing every game he's not doing any games

but he's doing other teams games but he's uh so he's still out and about but they have a new guy they have a couple guys trying it out to be the color commentator. And so this was on Halloween night, a, uh, player on the Canucks, uh, Elias Pedersen, Elias Pedersen, uh, got a hat trick. I was there. Yeah. That's cool. Do you throw a hat on? No, I wasn't wearing a hat.

Well, and so what happens if people don't know when someone scores three goals, the home fans will throw their hats onto the ice. It's called a hat trick. No dice, man. I'm not getting a new hat. You can pick it up from guest services after. Oh, really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Oh, okay. And then I'll throw a hat. I'll throw a fit. But also, I never wear my best hat. I always wear a fedora, so you can pick it out easily. There's mine. Yeah. I wear a graduation a graduation cap okay it's thrown in the air but you do have to also

take it away from a poor child who's goes to hockey games trying to get a hat yeah take it off the kids had a whip that counts as my hat i threw it so the he scored a goal and the color commentary color commentator on the the broadcast said this this is my overheard if you dressed up as a hat collector for this game better get busy and while i'm watching i was, say hat trick or treat. Yeah, Jesus Christ. If you were dressed as a hat collector. Your costume was, guy who collects hats, time to start taking off your many hats and throwing them on the floor. Wait a minute.

So what is a hat collector's costume, do you think? I think it's probably eight to ten hats on top of your head. Yeah, and then a pin that says, ask me about my hat. Not for sale. Or do you think it's like, you know, do you think it's like a Cruella de Vil, but with hats? Oh, like she's killing hats. Turning it into a nice coat. She's collecting 101 hats to make it into a hat coat.

Yeah. Someone once told me, I can't remember. Who was God? Who was God? Bob Cole. Harry Neal. to a hat coat yeah someone was told me i can't remember who was um god uh who was god bob bob cole harry neal remember harry neal used to be the the hockey night in canada yeah so bob cole and harry neal used to be the uh color or the commentators for and they were like 170 years old yeah by the end of it certainly and if you combine their ages. No, I think they're 7,000 years old. Very old men. And there was like a time

where they maybe shouldn't have been broadcasting because they're very old. And Jeff McHenry, I don't know if you've ever had him on the show, you know Jeff. He told me once he was watching a game where it was like the Leafs and Canadians and it was in Montreal and the Leafs were losing like 6-1

and it was like at the end of the game and the Canadians fans were yelling it was like Leafs suck Leafs suck and Bob Cole goes do you hear them they're saying

we win Bob Cole thought the fans are chanting we win and that's a jeff mckenzie story i love it i one of the funniest things uh graham do you have an over i do it was a a gal talking to another gal on the train and i i really i have this question as well uh she said i met him and he said how do i was like how am i supposed to respond to that how do yeah he didn't even say milady yeah how do i do well how do how do you do that i'm yeah how do i'm fine or how how I do is fine how do good yeah yeah good do good fine yeah I do good I do good I do it sex that is now you talk about it how do was it a? I don't know. But who would? How do? How do? I don't like fancy man talk. I was a, or was it like Tinder messages?

How do? Yeah, I wonder. Maybe it was a, yeah, maybe it wasn't in person. Maybe it was something you write. So I, one of my younger coworkers sent me a Slack message. Oh, yeah. And we were talking back and forth. Are you available this me a Slack message. Oh, yeah. And we were talking back and forth. Are you available this time?

Blah, blah, blah. And she says, okay, SG. Sound good? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I assumed it was sound shit. Stargate. Yeah.

Suicide girls. We're back. A friend of mine was dating a suicide girl. Really? Crazy Why? I don't know, she had black hair, tattoos Oh yeah, that sounds wild Classic suicide girl Maybe a Hurley t-shirt she wears to bed

Oh yeah, this is all Lining up who might have Lots of rings maybe Yeah Cool Now we also have overheard sent in to us We might have lots of rings, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map. If you want to send it to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org.

This first one comes from, I want to say that it's pronounced Lachie. How do you pronounce L-A-C-H-I-E? Lachie. Lachie, maybe. From Ballarat, Australia. Oh, yeah, I think that's one of the Wiggles. Oh, shit! Okay, this is big. This is really big.

I was at a pub the other day watching a band play between songs. The singer was saying, thanks for coming out, everybody. This is our first time in Ballarat, and it seems like a great place. The crowd cheered loudly at this, and from the back I heard a guy say yeah we got three mcdonald's a few seconds past he says they're thinking about a fourth thank you bellaraz but the lead singer was like this seems like a great place

not the best banter it's like like, you rule. Yeah, yeah. Hey, this place is great. I told you about the time I was on the road doing a show, and I was in a town. Can't remember which one. But it was the opening of their first A&W, and there was a band. Now, what does that stand for? Well, I don't know.

Dave, you tell me what it stands for. I said it earlier. I only get one show. Oh, you only get one show. Okay. I can tell you what it was. Off air. Okay.

Sure. And Adam has a story to tell us off air. I have a couple stories. Do you? No. Okay. This next one comes from... Wait, you didn't finish the story.

What story? A&W. Oh, yeah. They had the mascot there. They had a whole like marching band yeah Root Bear was there oh is his name Root Bear they did

cutting the ribbon huh I just happened to be there wait was the ribbon brown? and you were doing a stand up comedy at this? no

that night oh we drove into town we were like wow everybody from the town is here for something and there was an A&W everybody was there

wow yeah was the mayor there probably damn yeah mayor mccheese he was disgraced and then he just moved to this small town and aligned himself with the hand yeah it's sex with a staffer right yeah yeah He sent pictures of his pickles. It's a birdie. This next one comes from Amy E. in Seattle. The other day I was at a playground after school with my eight-year-old and some of his friends. They were playing Simon Says, doing all the usual. Simon says run around.

Simon says follow me, etc. Then my kids started climbing to the top, the large metal and rope place structure. And I overheard Simon says, climb to the top. Then Simon's going to say, good job. He's assigned himself a task. Yeah, okay. Simon says that, but then. So what do I get out of it? Well, Simon's going to say good job.

Sorry, Dave, is your background for your phone fries? Yeah. Cool. It's good. Always, even your phone after phone, I've had it for like 10 years. And your backing is a wood one, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That's always been the back. I don't even really like fries really yeah i'd prefer mashed potato you just like the aesthetic looks good wow yeah it does look good there's a picture you took nope just the stock of fries i my uh when i got my new phone the apple store was like you have an hour and 15 minutes to look up a picture you want for your background. Oh, shit. Oh, pressure would be on. I don't know what I would pick. A picture of the guy who sold me the phone. What do you got going on?

Nothing. Nothing? What do you mean nothing? Just black. Yeah. Black, and I keep my phone in black and white so that I don't look at it as often because it just doesn't catch your eye the same way. Interesting. What's yours? A beautiful photo of my girlfriend. Let's see. Come on. Believe that?

Oh, wearing a nice hat. Hottest chick in the game. Damn right. Do you want to talk about sex? Yeah, I do. Do you want some pointers? I would love a pointer. Give me your best pointer. Honestly, I don't have any. Do it in the dark. Try it in the dark try it in the dark

oh yeah i've always having the blazing sunlight don't do that no no the dark is where it's at i actually do it at noon on the longest day of the year in death valley i was having one of those big uh next to one of those you know mirrors but one of those big mirrors where you can see your pimples that are in hotel rooms yeah i have I have an extra that. Yeah. I have it underneath a giant magnifying glass that burns my wiener. Only at a certain time during the day. But, you know, if you need it, you need it, right? This last one comes from Brad in Indiana. I work in a college.

And while I was in the men's bathroom, I overheard one student say to the other, who is currently using the urinal, one of my favorite things is when you're waiting for a urinal, and you see the person in front of you, and their piss is just brown. It's like, drink some water, dog. This is his favorite thing. Say it again.

I just need to know the situation. Just a quote. The quote is, one of my favorite things is when you're waiting for a urinal, Say it again. I just need to know the situation. Just a quote. Just not the... The quote is, one of my favorite things is when you're waiting for a urinal and you see the person in front of you and their piss is just brown.

It's like, drink some water, dog. Okay. When you're waiting for... And you're looking at... I guess you're... You see it after they're done? Yeah, or, you know... Remnants of it, yeah.

If they've got a wide enough stance, you could probably see. Actually, people are looking between their legsnants of it, yeah. If they've got a wide enough stance, you can probably see. Between their legs. Raindrops and roses and brown-colored pisses. One of my favorite. That is cool. I've never seen brown piss, though. No, but, you know, keep an eye out for it.

Pooh's got to be in there. Yeah, something's not connected right. I was wondering about that. That's Po poo, dog. If you had a see-through body, I bet we could get to the bottom of this. Think of how much money you'd save on x-rays. That's true. Oh, yeah.

We didn't even talk about bones. Oh, yeah. I've been talking about bones with my friends. Oh, yeah? My male friends. Yeah, don't talk about bones. Well, I heard that the neck bone's connected to the head bone, I guess. Well, in addition to words that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, here's what you do. You got to pick up the phone. Beep, beep, boop. You dial 1-844-7-7-9-7-6-3-1. That's 1-844-7-7-9-7-6-3-1. 1, like these people have, I, um,

was beatboxing and I spat all over my screen. A gleek. Yeah. A gleek. Amateur gleek. Here we go. Okay. Hello,

Dave and Graham and wonderful guest. Uh, my mother-in-law and wife were talking earlier and everyone's had a couple of drinks, right? Officer. My mother-in-law goes, do you, my wife works at a hair salon, by the way. She goes, do you get people at the salon? My wife goes, what do you mean?

And she says, people people what are you talking about do you get people at the salon my wife says what are you talking about mom her mother goes people magazines damn it we're not a like a horse salon oh that's so funny i was like do you get people that's the other way like do you get people you really get people this one i didn't know where that was going me either that was a true surprise yeah wow it was one of those magazine god damn the freaking uh gabon and costello but i guess they probably do most salons would have some sort of people or an l maxim yeah for the boys yeah oh have you ever been to one of those like for the boys they don't know how to cut my hair because i have like uh i feel like i have longer hair and they just want to give you the the side yeah the side the haircut yeah i think i did there used to be one right across the street there oh that's

right it was called jack jack jack and there's always like a dog and a motorcycle and it was like it was very man give you a tall can of beer yeah yeah there was one that yeah they'd give you a shot of whiskey and they had porno on the... Porno? Yeah. Porno. They had a position that said two pornos a week max, dude. Yeah, they would give you like a shot of whiskey, your hair would fall in it. Are you for real a porno would play at this place? No, Porno Magazine. Oh, Porno Magazine. No, porno magazine,

goddammit. And you could go to the barber and be like, I want that haircut. Just gives you like a... It just has

one strip. It's a treasure chest. Oh, he's doing a love, like a puberty pubic haircut on your head. Yeah.

Or you just get a triangle. A Brazilian, sure. And those are the two. Those are the two. I was watching. We're talking about sex, fellas. We're talking about sex.

Speaking of Dracula, I was watching. I fell asleep. But last night I was watching Bram Stoker's Dracula. Oh, yeah. Very horny. I didn't realize how horny it was. Yeah, horribly horny. No wonder I fell asleep.

Still have about 40 minutes to go. Yeah. Oh, well. They're still trying to figure out why this woman's blood is constantly being sucked. I didn't know that was the plot of Dracula. We've got to find who's doing this. Yeah. She's got two big tooth holes in her neck anyway.

There's that new guy in town. All right. Here we go. Hi, this is Becky calling from Denver, Colorado with an overheard. My husband and I were in Scotland for the first time this summer. And we were in Glasgow and got to see the Banksy exhibit. And since it's such a popular exhibit, time tickets and you're kind of in a queue the whole way through. So the same mother and young son were in front of us the whole way through the exhibit. The son's probably nine or ten years old.

And at one point in the exhibit, turns to his mom and says, I thought you were going to take me to see proper graffiti, like at a skate park. Okay, gotta go, bye. I want to see this indoor graffiti. This sucks. Yeah. Show me something that says,

something, a swear word. A cool tag. Yeah, a cool tag, swear word, such and such and such and such forever. I remember Banksy getting super huge and being like a phenomenon. And I look at it now and I don't understand what, what,

what am I missing now? Uh, like when you see it, you're like, what's, how did he become a famous? Well, a lot of people say he's not even one guy.

It's a many, many people that all do stuff under the banner of Banksy. Right. Uh, but it's just, he would do like, you know, a stencil of a,

yeah. And then people would like take that part of the wall out and then sell it at galleries. And that thing he did with the, uh, the shredder was pretty cool. That was pretty cool. And he also like did,

ah, what was the movie called? It was documentary. Exit through the gift shop. Yeah. Yeah. And nobody knew if that was real. movie called? It was a documentary. Exit Through the Gift Shop. Exit Through the Gift Shop. Yeah. And nobody knew if that was real. They didn't know if that whole thing.

And then who was the French guy in that one that was so funny? Mr. Brainwash? Mr. Brainwash. Yeah, he was awesome. He was great. My brother said that he once, in University of Waterloo, he saw graffiti that said, My dad sucks. That's pretty good. that's pretty good pretty good museum exhibit yeah yeah you should take that part of the university

and here's your final phone call go on hello Dave Graham and awesome guests this is Eric from st. Louis calling in and overheard. First time, long time. I just got out of a pharmacy, and I was waiting to get a couple booster shots. And while I was waiting, a woman walked up to the counter and said, I have a pickup for what I could have swore she said, smelly human. The girl behind the counter,

slightly confused as me, repeated back, human? And the other lady said, no, human like human being and then there was a pause and then she said but he is a dog so she did say smelly human and that's the name of her dog that was another one of those people magazine uh confusing and also kind of like, I don't know where this is going at all. So I was trying, I was trying to figure out where it was going,

but I thought her name was Shelly Cuman. Yeah. Yeah. Shelly Cuman. That would have worked. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

a common name. Yeah. Newman. That's a name. Yeah. That's a name. Shelly Newman. Um,

Seinfeld. Who you saw a name. Yeah, that's a name. From Seinfeld. Who you saw in Vegas. I had trouble at an outdoor concert. That might have been off air. Oh shit. Look it up on the internet. Well that brings us to the end of this here podcast.

Adam, where can people find you if they want to find you online? On Instagram, Adam ChristieyComedian. Perfect. Yeah. You post clips. What's your clip game like? Sometimes. I'm not very good at online. Me neither. You don't post clips, right? Nope. Let's never do it. Yeah, don't have one that's good enough

to post. Thank you, everyone. I've recorded a bunch, but nothing I want to stand behind. Yep. That's a problem with old material. It's old. I don't want to see it. And I don't want to do it. That it's a problem with old material it's old i don't want to see it and i don't want to that's why you got to talk to the audience the whole time yeah and they want it too um and thank you everybody out there for uh listening to the show we love you so much and that's unconditional come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.