Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 819 - Alistair Ogden

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

Comedian Alistair Ogden joins us to talk Toronto’s 5 best things, the dentist, and KISS live.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 819 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who every time I see him in denim, I love it more and more, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, um, everybody in denim, was that a Gap campaign?

Yeah. Yeah. Or Levi's? No, Gap. I feel like it was Gap and it was maybe, I want to say it was Missy Elliott and Madonna, but they were, no, they sang Get Into the Groove because they were talking about Corduroy. Yes. Everybody in Corduroy.

But Gap did a big everybody in blank, everybody in khaki. Fall into the Gap. Gap. Fall into the Gap between the two whales of your Corduroy. When's the last time you actually set foot in a Gap? Well, recently because children uh children's clothes ah yeah gap kids yeah nothing beats it and also you know what i have a currently i'm wearing a pair of gap pajamas not currently but that's in the rotation rotation nice what's

your sleep rotation uh just whatever shirt i happen to be wearing that day and then that goes in the wash and then Do you wear a pajama? No. Oh, okay. No, no, I'm not a pajama jama. You just, you just underwear? Yeah, just underwear and shirt. Real good look when you're walking around the apartment. Just the underwear and the shirt.

Now, when's the last time you were in the Gap? It was years and years ago. I went to Metro Town and walked through a gap just for old time's sake yeah around halloween you know what i like in downtown victoria there's that two floor gap oh never been yeah you go up the stairs the second floor of the gap big high ceilings in that gap do you know about that gap i i went to university in victoria for like four and a half five years never been into that gap oh man yeah apparently you gotta see it i was missing i guess a lot of kids you don't learn what you need i'm like i truly have no memory of even ever entering a gap

really yeah i started getting really nervous and i was like is this gonna be the topic of conversation yeah for a while uh some of my most uh bodacious memories are entering a gap all right uh our guest today our guest today very funny comedian you will be able to see him in london if you're in london the good london not london ontario the real deal london at the soho theater two nights from now? Yeah, November 29th. Nice. Well, we miss you already. It's Alistair Ogden. Hello. Thank you for having me.

Very excited to be here. Well, we're excited to have you here. This is a dream come true. Yeah. Okay, maybe don't laugh that hard. Yeah. No, no. We've always been weird.

It's a theme month. We're trying to get guests who have never been to The Gap. And you came right up. Actually, you, honestly, I would have pegged you as having gone to many Gaps. Yeah. No offense. Should we get to know us? Yes.

Get to know us. Alistair, this is your first time here on the podcast. Yes. You were previously a Vancouverite, previously a Victoriaite. Yes. And now a Torontonian. Yes. I think a Victorian.

A Victorian, yes. A Victorian. I'm sorry. You are a big callers. How do you like it? How do you like the big smoke, the big city? I really love Toronto. Tell me your five favorite things.

Yeah. Five favorite things. Give me the five, um, boy, five best vibes. Yeah. Five,

five best vibes. Five, like a secret, uh, you know, only the locals. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's true. I've only been there for like six months. Okay. You don't have any secrets yet? Yeah. Yeah. You can tell me one per month.

Yeah. Any secrets? Um, I, well, I love, I love a good coffee shop. Okay. I love a good bagel shop. Oh, yeah. Good thing you left Vancouver and we don't have coffee shops. There's no coffee here.

I went to, for the beginning of my stay there, I was living up on St. Clair, St. Clair and Oakwood. And there's a very good bagel shop there called Primrose Bagel. Okay. Highly recommended if you're in Toronto. Where do you get a bagel here? Bagels are not good here. The ones at Solly's are pretty good. Yeah, they're fine. Yeah. But apparently the person who owns it is not

a good person. No, but you know, if I cut that out, then what am I going to eat? I would buy, that's where I bought my babka. Last five, six times I've been there, no babka. Oh, okay. So, then what am I going to eat? That's where I bought my Bobcat. Last five, six times I've been there, no Bobcat. Oh, okay. So, you know, I just pull me once. Pull me six times.

The one I think that the owner is around the most has new employees every time I go. Oh, everyone does. They all do. Yeah. It's when I ask, hey, do you have any babka? There's a shrug. I don't know, I've never heard of this thing.

It's my first day in the country. The thing I would say about Vancouver bagels, it's my hot take, is that they're too hard.

So many of the bagels I've had in Vancouver are dense. Yeah, I want a chewy bagel. Yeah,

and at Primrose, soft as a feather. Nice. You know how you love to eat feathers. multiple of feathers covered in cream cheese. Yes. At Primrose, soft as a feather. Nice. You know how you love to eat feathers. Mouthful of feathers covered in cream cheese. That's why I had to go

to the sleep disorders clinic. I was always just waking up with feathers in my mouth. Okay. So good bagels. That's one.

That's one. A hot, hot tip. Primrose bagels. Yes. Now, by the way, you're under

obligation to give us five. I know you think we're going to let you have four more hot takes on Toronto. Well, I'm trying to save. I know what my number one is. I'm trying to figure it out. You're trying to save the whales? Yeah, me too, man. Oh, I'll say I got a job in Toronto as a tour guide on a boat.

Oh, shit. This is great. You're like, I've never been here before. I tour guide on a boat. Oh, shit. This is great. You're like, I've never been here before. I don't know what any of this stuff is. Yeah. So I'm going to say, I'm going to sort of like two birds with one stone. I'm going to say number three is going on a boat in the Toronto Harbor. And number four, or no.

Oh, I lost count. You're on, you've got four, you're skipping the three and then you're gonna go back to four is on a boat four is on a boat okay four is on a boat in the harbor and then and then what do you have to before i want to hear about this oh yes okay about yeah you have do you have a script are you improvising are you doing crowd work what are you doing i'm kind of doing all three oh cool they gave me a script and it was kind of one of the most boring pieces of literature i've ever read in my life because really there's not that much not that much interesting stuff on the surface of toronto right you know shots fired it was i mean i feel like that's just because anytime you're kind of

doing a historical tour of a place that is like uh i don't know like less than 100 years old yeah yeah at least like like the yeah the actual all the buildings i'm talking about it's like this is our oldest building it's the sky dome yeah exactly this was built all the way back in 1989 do we have anybody here born in the year 1989 yeah yeah and then do you what do you do do you ask were you like hey has anybody here

ever been to blah and then make fun of them for it tour guide destroys yeah well usually usually the main struggle the main struggle

it was getting anyone to listen to me at all okay because a lot of the people who are on these tours they did number one they don't even know

that it's a narrated tour. Yeah, they mostly just got on the boat because they wanted a French. Let's go on this romantic boat ride. No one will interrupt us. Yeah, truly. I felt like I was inconveniencing a lot of people. A lot of people on these rides did not speak English at all. Especially the most angry was when there

was a huge group of tourists from quebec they were very annoyed that i was not bilingual and i said for 20 an hour i am not able to be bilingual yeah i'm not even gonna try you're not a pilot for air canada yeah you don't need to you don't need to. You don't need to. There you go. I'm giving you a pass. Because you don't even have to go to Quebec for a good bagel. You already got that locked down. You never have to go. I mean, you might get an argument. Yes.

And so, yeah, most of the time it was, I would talk about Billy Bishop Airport, which is like the airport that's like right downtown on the Toronto Islands. And I would go around the around applause if anybody flew into toronto and you get a little smattering around if you took the train in or the bus or whatever and then and then i the biggest laugh i would always get is i go a round of applause if you're not listening to me at all nice and everyone's like yeah yeah yeah could you stop yeah um so uh i've always thought that that was a cool job when i was a kid and i would go like with my family on a bus tour i was always like oh man that that job seems really cool the person who stands at the front and tells us all the stuff i think i think

i was aiming low as a kid yeah i think that might have been your first comedy influence. Yeah, I remember telling my dad once, we were pulling out of a parkade, and I was like, huh, whoever gets to sit in that booth, that's pretty cool. That's a pretty cool job. My dad was just like, aim higher. Yeah. It's funny because sometimes people would be really nice to me they almost treat me like a celebrity or something because i'm doing the tour guide that's fun but then

like sometimes they'll just get me to take a photo with them or whatever and then one person he was like really talking to me and he was like oh you know does this all you i was like no i do stand up as well and he's like oh that's amazing like you know i really believe in you blah blah all this stuff got my instagram uh and then and then uh it became very apparent uh with his dms on instagram that he was very much trying to get me to join a pyramid scheme of course yes yes yeah he said he said just have a zoom meeting with me it won't be longer than an hour oh that's less than i uh more than I talked on the tour exactly I would like

I'd be interested in joining a pyramid scheme if I can join at the middle or top yeah yeah

that's you gotta get in on the top I don't have to get any people I don't want to recruit anyone but I want to

have passive income yeah I would be I'd be okay with recruiting like two people and then sending them out the world

and then just watch no I wouldn't be no I'd feel guilty would you ever be part of a ponzi scheme that's very interesting what's the difference ponzi scheme is that you're uh as far as i know you're you're giving money to people it's not your money so you give me your money i give it to allister but there's no it's not like a bank. I don't have reserve. I just take the money from you and not give it to him.

And then I just, you just take my money. Yeah, you tell everybody that their money is increasing in value. Yes. But really,

you just have all of it. Yeah. You're just diving into it. And then people start to like, exactly. And some people, they start pulling out and then,

then it crashes because they don't have the money to pay back. Yeah. Yeah. That's a shame. Yeah. I mean, Bernie Madoff in our hearts and our minds. Yeah.

Kevin Bacon was part of that. He was? Yeah. He lost all his money. Really? Well, maybe not all of it. Probably had some of it and, you know. He never touched his foot loose money is what I think.

Yeah. He only does, he just touches his foot loose money is what I've heard. Yeah. He only just uses his stand-up money. I mean, it would be a good exercise to write stand-up jokes for celebrities who don't do stand-up. Yeah. In case they have to take the Jeremy Piven route and start appearing at comedy clubs. It's always like

have you ever been on a show with somebody that like I'm gonna say an example the Steve-O not a guy

that's like known for stand-up but has been doing stand-up have you ever been on a show with somebody like I don't know

this person actually does stand-up but feel like I was on a show with Screech years ago so

who's Screech oh my god this guy this guy was born in 1989 this motherfucker I feel like I was on a show with Screech years ago. Who's Screech? Oh, my God. This guy. This guy was born in 1989. Motherfucker. Has he ever heard of a little show called Saved by the Bell? Yeah.

Yeah. Screech is the, he played Screech on Saved by the Bell. He played himself. Sorry, Screech has himself. Rest in peace, Screech. That's right. Screech passed away. I love that you don't know who Screech is.

I'm really feeling the generation gap right now. He was telling me before the show he used to listen to this show. Who? Screech? Alistair. Oh, yeah, yeah. But how could you listen to the show and not know who Screech is? Okay, so this guy was on Save the Bell. okay so this guy was on save by the bell and then he he got into stand up a bit and then i opened for him at the i think it was still yucky x back then and i i wanted my picture taken with him and

this was before everybody had a phone with a camera on it yeah and uh so he got like a polaroid and then he charged me seven dollars oh my god and he said you know how it is and i was like i truly don't did he take the picture and then charge you yeah well you could have just not paid no that's true but he wouldn't give me the picture yeah but then he's still out of picture he said he doesn't want it it's my ponzi scheme seven seven dollars is so specific i know i think he's probably five in America, but there's the conversion rate. Yeah. Well, that's one in the generation gap bin.

Boy, what are the late 80s, early 90s nerds do you know? Do you know Urkel? Yeah, yeah. I've heard of him. Okay. Have you heard of Angela Merkel? Yeah. Big Angela Merkel. Studs Terkel. merkle yeah yeah i've heard okay have you heard of angela merkle yeah big angela merkle um who else who's a who's a famed nerd who were the i mean yeah revenge of the nerds were the early 80s yeah have you ever seen one of those no okay all right what is your what was your

program that you'd watch even though it was crappy because it was just there and you didn't have anything to do because you were a kid? Is there anything like that? Yeah. I want to know. I want to know. It's going to be something from like 2011. Two and a half men. It's something from 2011.

Getting home after school just laugh the day away yeah that was the show that taught me that there's only three types of men yeah

that's right there's the stud there's the the wimp the wimp or a child yeah those are the three types

of men I mean provide me with another I mean I think okay so in this room hmm I mean Alist me with another. I mean, I think, okay, so in this room,

I mean, Alistair's the stud. Yeah. I gotta say between you and me, I'm the wimp and you're the child. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but that's exactly what I was talking about. Like, I watched every episode of Home Improvement, despite not liking Home Improvement whatsoever.

But just because it was there and I had nothing but time. Now I feel like I'm getting cheated out of that type of, I have to watch something that's good with my viewing time.

My life changed so much that I don't have this habit anymore. Like, I remember when How I Met Your Mother was on TV and I never watched it. It just never lined up

with my schedule. But everyone said it was good and I was like, oh, I'll just watch it in reruns later at four o'clock in the afternoon later in my life. And that hasn't happened. At 4 p.m. you cook up some pizza pops

and then just sit down. How I Met Your Mother. I feel like How I Met Your Mother, I don't know this for sure because I haven't watched that much of it, but I feel like it's one of those shows that doesn't quite hold up. A lot of the plot points are like Barney trying to hook up with women. Right.

He was the horny character. That's the other type of man. Why wouldn't that hold up? His horny man. I mean, that's something that's eternal. That covers all three. All three of us. Well, if I'm the the child should i be horny

i mean there's no should about it but if you're a horny child a i mean there's i hope you have resources uh you can someone to talk we'd love to see your face in that quote on the t-shirt if i'm a child is it okay to be horny And it's a picture of you And the boy From two and a half men Me hanging out Just outside the doors Of Chuck E. Cheese

Or something like that Where's it gonna make The most impact Oh my god Should I finish my list Of Toronto's Yes Three was the island

Three was the island Four You skipped over four No four was the boat Three was the boat Three is the Toronto island Yeah And then two What do you like about the island. Three was the island. Four, you skipped over four. No, four was the boat. Three is the boat. Three is the Toronto Island. Yeah. And then two, I'm going to say.

What do you like about the island? The nude beach? Is that there? The nude beach is there. Is there a zoo there? Yeah. Yeah. I haven't been to that.

There's like a little amusement park called Centerville. Okay. Is that nude? The animals are all this for children. It's far away from the nude beach okay um but uh yeah and mostly i just went there with some some friends and have you been to the nude beach i have not i have not yet okay have you ever been to a nude beach yeah i've been to wreck beach have you been nude there no okay it's too scared yeah at least was. Were people mean to you for being. Not nude?

Yeah. Because I've never been, or maybe I went as a very small child. But like, I've heard that, I think at night you, people go and party there. But in the daytime, people are very like. Very nude. Very, very nude. Yeah. I actually, I think I slept on rec beach once.

Don't sleep on it, man. No, it was. You gotta, it's on my top five list. Do not sleep on this. When I was like maybe 19 or something, I had some friends at UBC. It was like just before the university year started. And we went to like a frat party. Terrible time.

We're all dressed as like, like, like characters from the outsiders, you know, like greasers for some reason. I don't really remember the context of all this. I just remember it was like, we were like, oh, it's going to be like a frat party from the outsiders, you know, like greasers for some reason. I don't really remember the context of all this. I just remember it was like, we were like, oh, it's going to be like a frat party from the movies or something. And it was just a bunch of guys playing beer pong and having a really dirty house.

That sounds about right. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that is what frat parties I think are actually like most of the time. Yeah. Cause in movies, everybody's there and there's music and dancing and, right?

Yeah, yeah. That's the way I picture it. When was beer pong invented? Very shortly after ping pong. Because I went to college and there was a lot of beer and people drank it out of the big funnel and stuff. But I never witnessed a single ping pong ball. Interesting. Yeah, that is a good question.

Did you go to UVic? I went to UVic. Right. You as well? Yeah, pong ball. Interesting. Yeah, that is a good question. Did you go to UVic? I went to UVic. Right. You as well? Yeah, I did, yeah. Nice. I majored in the gap. Mostly I remember it because I used to write for the student newspaper.

The Martlet? The Martlet. Yeah, I used to write for the Martlet. And I also wrote some stuff for the Alumni Magazine, and I was always trying to find out which comedians had gone to UVA. That's how I know that about you. Oh, sure. What would you write in this year paper?

In the Martlet? I mean, all sorts of stuff. Is it like Alistair's take? I wrote a couple of humor things before I started stand-up. That was kind of what sort of led me towards that. And then also, I think my most controversial thing, the thing that got read by the most people was about this anti-GMO speaker

who was coming to speak at the university and then there was a grad student at the university who was not necessarily pro-GMO but sort of anti-misinformation. So I was talking about the debate the debate essentially between. Wow.

Were you a journalism student or something? I, I was studying creative writing. So yeah, I was, I was sort of into journalism for a while. And I wrote for Victoria buzz. Oh yeah.

They're good. Yeah. Is that, uh, is that like a thing that's free on the bus? Sort of. It's like, it's like the,

the Victoria equivalent of daily hive. Oh, daily hive. Yeah. Victoria buzz. But then jobs like that, it's like they're the victoria equivalent of daily hive oh daily hive yeah but then jobs like that it's like you're writing stuff but mostly you're just like a social media manager and then that became my day job after that essentially nice yeah nice well we're looking for that this isn't going on the show this is we're just recording this for posterity uh but yeah we are this is an interview we're looking for a social media manager what is tiktok tiktok is a place don't answer that's the best place on earth and you so you fell asleep on the beach yeah i fell asleep on wreck beach that's a real hobo action

after because we because i live in in port moody my parents live in port moody and i there was no bus to take us back. Oh, sure. We couldn't sleep in this frat house, and so there's a little cohort of us from Port Moody. We just decided we're all going to curl up on our leather jackets and sleep on Wreck Beach. Oh, yeah, I forgot that you were dressed as the S. Exactly. What?

Okay, the number two thing about Geronimo. I know, because I know he has a number one number two i'm gonna go with uh jerk king jerk jerk king and yeah that's my number two it's actually my number one thing is this a jamaican restaurant jamaican restaurant it's open until like 4 a.m every night do they know that it sounds like jerking i'm sure they do the people who work there the people who work there are some of the most resilient people in the city i would say because they they are dealing with everybody for like from midnight until four yeah you're one a.m to four a.m yeah well because the food there is very very good it's like in vancouver if you're

getting food anything past like 10 or 11 p.m., the quality really drops off a cliff. What are you talking about? Chopper's is open until 12. Yeah. You can go get a you know, energy drink or something like that. But yeah, they have very good jerk chicken and so I'll go there after a show usually. Well, you know what their secret is?

They're on island time. Interesting. Also, they're jerking out. And number one. Number one is Comedy Bar. Comedy Bar, yes, of course. Just celebrated their 15th birthday. They did, yeah.

Were you invited to the ball? Did you dress like an outsider? It was while I was on tour, so I wasn't there for the 15th anniversary, unfortunately. You'll be there for the next one. 30th. For the 30th.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, do you, in Toronto, are you living with people living by yourself? I'm living with a bunch of other comedians. Oh,

that's going to be a healthy atmosphere. Well, it kind of, it's been pretty good so far. I've only been there since the beginning of September. Um, and it is nice. It's like all of us,

like there's four of us who do stand-up and one guy who doesn't do stand-up. And he's waking up every morning at 7 a.m. and going to the, you know, joining the rat race. He likes it because he's basically got the house to himself. Yeah. The hours of like 7 and 3.

Yeah, essentially. Essentially. But yeah, all of us are kind of like seven and three. Yeah, essentially. Essentially. But yeah, all of us, all of us are kind of like working comedians more or less. So there's no one

who's like, I don't know, super falling behind or there's no weird tension around like, oh, how come, how come you got

Buck to do this and I didn't get Buck to do this? Yeah, great. I have a lot of that tension. Yeah.

I don't know, I just usually break something when I'm, yeah, it just smashes. It's his um yeah i guess i mean i lived with a comedian or two in my day and it was not bad but i could see it being i don't know seems in the long run yeah yeah we'll see i've only been there for a couple months and now i am kind of like out of town for most of uh november and part of december so you're going on tour oh yeah that's why i'm

here oh yeah oh yeah you're on tour i'm on tour yeah uh get to stay your folks place or i'm actually uh house sitting and dog sitting for a friend at the moment downtown ish so yeah it's nice it's nice i've never had a pet before. No? Actually. Yeah, so dogs, I'm getting used to all this stuff. I'm sure people who own dogs

just like are used to all this stuff, but I'm very getting used to it. What's the biggest culture shock thing? Mostly just... That you need 101 of them to make a coat. There's that. Yeah, I need to get a bunch more of them.

But also the hardest part for me is like every time i leave her like i'll you know i'll take her out for a walk we'll go have fun i'll feed her and then like to go do this podcast today oh yeah she's eating and then i'm like i have to leave and she just turns and looks looks at me like, you're betraying me. Yeah. You're betraying me again. I guess they're puppy dog eyes. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. So that's hard. Wait, you left the dog while it was eating? Oh shit, it's like a gremlin. Watch out, watch out. I, well, I've owned dogs for, I guess it's like 17 years total. Wow. And, um, uh, there's new stuff all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Would you ever get a pet based on this little adventure? I, I don't think so. I think just cause I, it's a, there's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. And also I like the amount of standup that I'm doing at the moment. It doesn't really make sense.

You can create some sort of act where you have a dog with you. That could kind of be your thing. Sort of an Eliza Schlesinger thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, uh,

what's his name? Is that an Eliza Schlesinger thing? Yeah. She brings her, uh, Chihuahua with her, doesn't she? Yeah.

At the end of her special, uh, one of them, a dog comes out on stage at the end. Okay. I wouldn't I didn't know you guys were big Eliza

Huge You know you watched the entire Eliza We just Yeah right we fast forward to the end Her big

Schlesinger heads Dave discovered her first he turned me on to her Yeah Been a fan ever since

really Okay And Great riff on tour yeah i've been a fan ever since really okay um and uh great riff i was walking i was walking my dog the other day and my dogs are very um uh backyard bathroom centric yeah they never go to the bathroom on a walk and but i bring I bring a, I bring a bag just in case. And, uh, one of my dogs did go and I picked it up and my dogs are also crazy. They hate other dogs. And, uh, so I have to, if I'm walking both of them at the same time, I have to like, you know, make sure that they're, um, they don't, uh, you know, attack.

They're not going to attack, but they're like, just going to pull me so hard towards these other dogs. Yeah. And so I'm holding them back. I've got a bag of poop in my, uh, hand and I, uh, I like step off the sidewalk to let these other dogs pass. And I'm, I'm kind of standing in these, in this bush area. Not really.

It's just like got some vines around me. Yeah. Yeah. And then these dogs Jungle vines These dogs pass And I start walking And my foot is Hooked on a vine

Oh no And I fall down And uh I break my fall On this bag of poop Oh no And it uh It doesn't

Burst or anything But it's always I can't get the Sensation out of my How do you What do you even call that I can't Shake the sensation out of my hand how do you what do you even call that i can't shake the feeling out of my hand like a ghost you know ghostly yeah yeah phantom limb phantom poop and then people the people walking past maria are like are you okay and uh like

psychologically i don't know someone across the street asked if I was okay. And I was like, just leave me. Just leave me. Don't look at me. Leave me on the ground. Yeah, I remember when I fell and broke my hand, a man standing there watched me and didn't offer any help and then walked away. Did you need help? Yes.

Oh, okay. Because I felt that I broke my hand. I know, but you could. I was having trouble getting back up. Oh, okay. Because I felt that it broke my hand. I know, but you could. I was having trouble getting back up. Oh, sure. You don't need both hands. You can walk with two hands. No, walking, sure.

But get, like, he saw it happen. He didn't even go like, hey, are you okay? He just stared at me and then walked away. I, I'm, I'll watch someone wipe out and then, uh, wait for them to make, make sure they're okay. But I won't say anything. Cause I'm like, they don't want me to know that they don't want any attention. This is embarrassing.

Embarrassing is yeah, exactly. Um, but you know, I, maybe that guy is a really nice guy. Maybe I just need to give him a chance. Yeah.

Like I saw this person, uh, you know, they were riding their bike and someone opened their car door and the car door hit the bike. The guy went flying into a garbage truck and the garbage truck drove away and crunched him into a million pieces and i was oh i thought it would crunch me into like a cube yeah it was maybe it was a cube but uh he seemed fine so i didn't say you were looking at me like i was telling a true story i was just i wanted to know where it was gonna go cube i feel like maybe it's a, in Vancouver, you do get kind of desensitized to seeing people, I don't know, lying down on the street.

Yeah, that's true. You're kind of like, oh, he just wants to be there. Yeah. It's horrible, but. I guess like years and years ago, I was, the transit system was on strike. Yeah. So I had to walk from the place i was living to uh the wreck beach to go to sleep yeah and i'd be naked the whole time i'm not getting naked while

i'm there i'm gonna this is how i live man and i would uh on the walk home which was like a two hour and 15 minute walk i would i would uh sleep somewhere i'd get in a little really yeah whoa alcove or something like that. Whoa. Cause it was, that was like, yeah, almost five hours of walking every day. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Um, but yeah, sometimes we'd be like, I want a nap.

Like I'm bored of walking. So. Yeah. Just hide away. I never in my life had that urge. I also did it during the pandemic. I went and slept on a bench in the park just for a change. That I understand a bit more. Wow. Cause you weren't going anywhere, but like, if I'm going somewhere, I'm not, I went and slept on a bench in the park just for a change. That I understand a bit more. Wow.

Because you weren't going anywhere. But like, if I'm going somewhere, I'm not like, I'm a freaking tortoise, man. I ain't no hare. Isn't that what the hare does? He takes a nap? Yeah. Yeah. And then the tortoise wins, but he's empty inside.

He doesn't have any family to share the wind with. Oh, is that, there's another message to that? No, there's too many, too many morals at the end. Um,

what are those called? Aesop fables. I think so. Yeah. Uh, so we've all, you've slept on a beach. I've slept on concrete.

Dave hasn't slept anywhere. I haven't slept anywhere in public. Oh, no, I'm, I know. Not even at a beach? You don't kind of nod off? I've slept at a campground. Does that count? Were you in a tent?

No. Oh, okay. Yeah. You slept outside? Yeah. It was, but I did have like a thing to put my sleeping bag in, like a big, like a kind of a tarp, a sleeping bag cover, like a condom for your body, basically. You put your sleeping bag in to keep it clean.

Is that a thing? Why did you do that? Because I was backpacking across Europe and I was staying at hostels, except for three days when I was at the Reading music festival in Reading, England. And I was like, I'm not bringing a fricking tent for three nights after, you know, I'm going to pack a tent around. Yeah. For three months of traveling and only needed three nights.

That's way cooler than me and Graham's stories. Some guy peed very close to me though. Um, have you ever owned a sleeping bag? Because I haven't. What? Well, no, my parents haven't.

I haven't been camping since I left home. I guess that's true. I've only ever kind of bored my parents. Yeah. I've never bought my own sleeping bag.

Yeah, and I don't think I will. I think I might go to a sleepover. I just crawl into bed with might go to a sleepover. I just, I just crawled into bed with the person's mom and dad. I told them I had a scary dream. What about like,

you know, you're, you're dating and you're, you're, you think tonight's the night. And she's like, did you pack your sleeping bag? Yeah.

Cause you're sleeping on the floor and I'm going upstairs. That reminds me of this very silly story that I completely forgot about. Is this a fable? This is a fable. Back when I was in university, in my university days, I met some girl at a party and then hung out with her and then went over to her place, slept over at her place. Crazy, crazy stuff. And it was just like a one-time thing ended up being um but not yeah no ill will or anything in fact she uh still sort of like a like a friend of a friend essentially sure

her sorry like yeah a while ago at a wedding thing and uh she told my friend and then my friend relayed to me that from her perspective of that night that night that i slept over i did not remember that i had done this until she told me is i showed up um at her place with a backpack and when we were getting into bed i i changed it to some fuzzy plaid pajama bottoms that i had brought with me very presumptuous let me change it to something a little more comfortable were you living in the dorms that you've had i think this was when i was in uh like a place okay because living in the dorms that you've picked? I think this was when I was in a, like a place. Okay.

Cause living in the dorms, fuzzy plaid pajama bottoms are the, what you wear everywhere. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. I never lived at a school. I only,

I commuted from my folks place and that sucks. It's better to have lived in a, in a dorm and gone to a frat party. Yeah. Maybe I could get to a frat party now. If I tell them I'm dying, and it's my wish. John Cena is going to come to your hospital.

You could be like Santa at a frat party. Yes. Yeah, I like that. Okay. That's good. Then that makes sense for you to be there. I was going to, I was very interested a couple of years ago

in applying to be a Santa, going to uh i was very interested a couple years ago in applying to be a santa i'm all santa yeah yeah um but then i thought about how much urine you would have to deal with it's actually a good amount it's a good healthy amount yeah it's like kind of the perfect amount of urine um but don't they need like real real beard santas real white beard santas well i would i would have done some sort of color treatment to make it really yeah but then uh it never came now you don't even like christmas no i don't but i thought it was like a easy way to make a couple bucks just around the holiday yeah it makes sense and you also like a lot of them have to go to like a school and learn how to do santa stuff oh sure fly through the sky get down chimneys etc etc just hear those

sleigh bells jingling ring ting tingling tame all those reindeer yeah exactly they're wild and you gotta tame them um but yeah i totally uh what's okay let's pretend let's do a little role play here we go you be me you be the boss and I'm Dave I'm Graham that's pretty good I'm a kid and you're Santa okay

hello boy hi Santa hi Okay. Ho, ho, ho. Hello, boy. Hi, Santa. Hi. Want to sit on my lap? Here I go. Whee.

What would you like for Christmas? You don't even want to know my name? I'll get to that. Santa knows your name. Who is my name? Elliot. You got lucky. Santa knows your name. Who is my name?

Elliot. You got lucky. Okay, what do I want for Christmas? What do you want for Christmas? How do you not know what I want for Christmas? Because maybe you left some things off your list. Or things that you were embarrassed to show your mom. Okay, I got some embarrassing things. Go ahead.

Butt cream. go ahead butt cream for my diseased butt okay butt cream for your diseased butt and oh by the way it's contagious and I'm sitting on your web

elf we got a 911 situation it goes through my pants through my pants. Through my quarter boys fall into the gap. See, I handle that pretty well. Yeah. I got the elf involved, the card Elliot way.

That's what I was doing. I wasn't, I didn't say anything, but that's what I was doing in my character. Yeah. You were supervising the whole thing. Yeah. I was the elf. Making sure it doesn't get out of hand. I was being very professional yeah

yeah you know when you're we need you on site yeah I was for the listeners I was acting it all out

yeah and it was convincing yeah he was doing the arm motions that the elf does and also he

maybe he's holding on to a water bottle for Santa or something like that. You're holding my stuff for the next 12 hours. I picked up the kid and I took him away butt first

and then I squirted a water bottle into Graham's mouth. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Next round, take him by the mouth guard. Sew up your eye.

Cut me, cut me. What is the, could you be a Santa if they said you can't chew gum for the whole time? I would make do with candy canes. Can I smoke at least? Santa's, well, I've seen pictures of him with a pipe. I see a lot of Santas with white beards and yellow mouths. Santa with a cigarette coming out of his mouth is quite a vibe.

Have you seen Bad Santa? Are you too young? I haven't seen Bad Santa. I only know good Santa. I remember seeing Bad Santa, but I don't... People act like it's a classic, and I didn't really do much for it. I don't think it's on the rotation. I surprised that elf became a classic and i was a huge will ferrell fan yeah it's it's

you don't get to decide yeah yeah what becomes a classic like i wouldn't have thought watching a christmas story i thought that i was the only guy in the world that knew about that movie because nobody else in my school or anything had seen it. So I was like, well, this can't be. So your friends grew up in the 50s? Well, some of them did. I was running with this crowd called The Outsiders. Pony Boy.

The other ones. Jenny Wine. I feel like, I mean, there's really not that many great Christmas movies. So I feel like the bar is, there's really not that many great Christmas movies. So I feel like the bar is a little bit lower. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, compared to Halloween-y movies, spooky movies.

Yeah, you got a lot more choice in the spooky movie department. Do you have a favorite holiday film? Favorite holiday film? Well. Are we starting the holiday season early here? Yeah, I've already put away the. Childish Day decorations. My family,

it feels insane given the content of this movie. My family almost every year watches the movie Love Actually. Oh, really? Yeah, which I had a very, like sometimes you get desensitized to this movie, I found. But it is quite a graphic. I don't know if it's like an R-rated movie,

but I feel like it should be. Because one of the first scenes in this movie, I found. But it is quite a graphic. I don't know if it's like an R-rated movie, but I feel like it should be. Because one of the first scenes in this movie, and we decided to watch it with my 80-year-old grandparents for some reason. Nothing better. Yeah, they've seen it all before, though. But it's that scene where Martin Freeman and the actress are like the nude fill-in models for a movie set.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. My grandparents did not care for that at all. It was the most tense I've ever felt my family's vibe ever. We had to stop watching the movie.

Now, this is the part of the awkward part of the show where we find out that Alistair's grandparents are the same age as my parents. Who are, by the way,

very into nude Martin Freeman. Yeah. I've seen it in pieces. I think I've never sat down and watched the whole thing, but, uh, the thing that's iconic to me is the flipping pages.

When, uh, what's his name? Shows up for Rick Grimes shows up. Yeah. For Natalie Portman. No, not only K kira nightly kira nightly to me you are beautiful yeah and the first card says at christmas you always tell the truth i'm like in fact it's probably the opposite if you get a present you don't like it is very funny watching

that movie like the more times you watch it the more you realize that some of these plot lines are just completely insane also my dad my dad he just says the most random stuff to me my dad like is british so i guess that's why he loves richard curtis and oh yeah who wrote the movie yeah does he like mr bane yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's cool your dad's cool yeah your dad's cool but yeah my dad told me maybe a few months ago he was like i love i love like a highbrow comedy. You know, we don't talk, talk about sex or drugs, you know, it's just like observations on life. And I was like, your favorite movie is love.

Like this is the most horny Christmas movie there possibly is. And he loves the plot line too of the sort of dorky British guy who decides he's going to go to America to find a girlfriend or whatever. And then he gets to America in the middle of Wisconsin or whatever. And then all these like hot models fall in love with him. Oh, yeah. That's my dad's favorite plot line. How many plot lines are in this movie? A million.

Yeah. There's one about a guy who wants to be the Christmas, the hit of the Christmas season. Is that Bill Nighy? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And there's the, yeah, there's one with a little boy in an airport and Liam Neeson.

Yeah. Oh, I saw a deleted scene from that plot line. Okay. Because, you know, they have the little kid and he does the classic, like running through the airport thing to tell the girl that he likes her. little kid and he does the classic like running through the airport thing to tell the girl that he he likes her um but they cut out the part in the movie where they have him um just suddenly become like uh incredible parkour martial artist through the airport where he's just like doing flips and fighting people i wonder if i have a dormant parkour yeah you know think of my nature

maybe i'm really good at it. I've never tried. I'm going to give it a try on the way home. I mean, that's the dream, isn't it? To be able to do parkour? Or just to have some amazing skill that you didn't know you had and you just need to bust it out. Yeah. No, I constantly think about that. What could

I be just instantly good at? I'm not going to try enough things. Have you tried working in a park, sitting in a booth all day? Sounds good. Just in my head. It was like, you'd sit there, read a book, listen to the radio, just sit there by yourself. Don't have to put up with any co-workers. It's warm in there.

It's heated. Yeah. They don't seem to, they seem to have replaced that job with, uh, an automatic beeping thing. Yeah. Um, yeah, there was a attendant in a parking lot in toronto recently they still have those there nice just and he's he uh it was 15 in cash or 20 of the credit card okay yeah because he's pocketing the 15 very much so yeah good for him good for him ripping out the spoiler i did a little bit of that on the tour guide boat. Oh, okay.

Okay, cool. Hope Janelle's not listening to this. Absolutely will get back to Janelle. Yeah, it's a small country. I do expect to get a message from you tomorrow being like, Hey, Dave, can we take out the Janelle thing? Absolutely. Dave, what's going on with you, man? get a message from you tomorrow being like hey dave can we take out the janelle thing absolutely um dave what's going on with you man well i've been doing i did something i've been kind of

crossing off a to-do list of uh things i've been putting off oh yeah um and uh like i had to like i don't know do it get new tires oh sure oh That's the worst kind of thing too, because you're like, this is going to cost a lot of money. It's no fun and I have to do it. But the other thing that's no fun and as it costs a lot of money and I've been putting it off since pre pandemic. The dentist. Oh, shit.

You haven't been to the dentist that long. Not in, not since the pandemic started. Wow. And I had a, I was supposed to get gum surgery in April of 2020. Oh my God. You never did? No. And I have been putting off going to the dentist because I don't have any money and I don't have any insurance. And then I was like, so I looked up my dentist they had been contacting me a few times yeah uh

but they kind of come off a little desperate yeah just a reminder just a reminder the pandemic's over it's march of 2021 we don't even have a viable vaccine yet but they were wearing masks they're wearing gloves and stuff. Uh, and they, they did contact me like as soon as things opened back up, you know, at the, you know, early pandemic,

uh, and contacted me a few times and I never went back and I looked them up on Google. Cause I was like, do I want to go back to this place? And they had so many reviews that were like, this place has gone downhill in the last year. So, so and so left. So I that were like, this place has gone downhill in the last year since so-and-so left.

So I switched dentist. New dentist. They were like, hey, since it's your first time, we're going to have to do a bunch of stuff. It's going to be so expensive. They love to do that. Yeah.

In that time, I've gotten three crowns. Oh, wow. In the time you haven't been to a dentist. So I feel like I'm really carrying the weight. And so has the Netflix has put out three seasons of the crown. That's right. I got one for each season. Yeah,

you did. Um, delightful. One for Claire Foy, one for Olivia Coleman and the third queen. Um, and then, so I,

uh, booked at this new place and uh walk it's in walking distance that was the big thing what's the uh waiting room like i gotta tell you so i my appointment was at 10 in the morning and they said it'll be two hours and i was like it's also near a chipotle so i was like okay i'll put my chipotle order in now and then it'll be ready when I'm done. Smart. Smart. And so I went in, uh, it is pristine.

It's like big and roomy. There's five people working the front desk and I'm paying for it. I am paying all the front desk. Yeah. Wow. Wow. the front desk and I'm paying for it. I, I'm paying all the front desk. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And so I go in,

they bring me in right away. The room where they're, uh, cleaning my teeth. I was going to say washing me. The room where they're washing me. Industrial hose. Yeah. File.

Got to clean you up before we take you to the dentist. They were like, it was so so big and i'm just used to my last dentist was so crowded i mean kids go to a different dentist and that is really cramped and so this was just so roomy yeah and um like the ancient poet roomy oh yeah not ancient he's medieval uh but I, and they had the TV in the ceiling. No remote though. And no headphones.

So I just had to watch. Yeah. I've, my doctor has ceiling TV, but no remote. So it's always the food network, which I don't mind watching. This was like a home improvement. Something I felt like it was one of those channels that comes free with your if you set your tv to the internet right it's like canadian renters yeah the makeful channel um and so we uh she was like since since you were you haven't been here in a while i can probably only do your bottom teeth

and you'll have to come back later and do your top teeth and i was like why did i book two hours yeah oh yeah what the hell what took two hours i don't know um you blacked out well she did the bottom teeth that took the better part of an hour and then she's like i'm doing x-rays and then you go to this other room and get the full x-ray around your head oh and um i've done that have you done that full x-ray around your head? Like you, you, they do the one where you're sitting in the dentist chair and they, they put a camera up to you. Yeah. And then they do one where you go to a separate room, you stand still and a machine goes around your head.

Is that the one? I have one where you've got to like bite down on this uncomfortable thing. Um, that's, I think the, yeah, they do that. Put the thing right up.

They do that where they do it right up to your face. Yeah. Well, I think they had one where you're still lying in the chair and then they had one where it wasn't a separate room or anything, but I just went up, like I was standing at this machine. I had to crouch down a little bit cause I'm so tall and then I had to bite down on this little plastic thing. And then, yeah, maybe I had to put my chin on a thing. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Weirdly, I had to look at a hot air balloon image

and tell them if it was in focus or not. They gave me the whole night. Dave, you went to an orthodontist. That's not it. Ophthalmologist. Yeah. Ornithologist. And so the dentist comes in.

So she cleans my teeth. I hate having my teeth cleaned. I'm. Like a dog. They hate it. Yeah. But I'm like, I pinch my hands like while I'm doing it. Just like to take some of the pain away from my mouth.

Yeah. Like I'm pinching the webs between my fingers. And I take an ibuprofen before I go to the dentist. So it kicks in. Yeah. pain away from my mouth yeah like i'm pinching the webs between my fingers and i take a an ibuprofen before i go to the dentist so it kicks in yeah um that's why i haven't been in four years because i hate it yes getting that vibe well this place i gotta tell you it was so good oh nice they cleaned me up so nice and uh so then after that, after they cleaned and x-rayed, they were like, you do have one cavity up here. And this was like at 1115. And I had 45 more minutes before my Chipotle would be ready.

And they were like, so when you come back, we'll do that. And I was like, what are you doing now? Yeah, what are you doing for the night? You up? And so he did it then and there. Nice. It felt great. No, but he numbed it.

Sometimes they numb you and they don't do it so well. Yeah. They numbed me just right. And I didn't even smell my teeth burning as they drilled it. Nice, nice. Love that smell. Look at this. Now I know I'm alive.

It is true. Like when they're, uh, things fly out of your mouth when they're drilling, like a little, well, like powder of your teeth flies out. And,

uh, yeah, I think, uh, I've gotten used to it. I have terrible teeth. So, uh,

I've got, everything's been replaced or, uh, my, my stuff, my dentist. Well, this is the thing.

Like, I'm like, I, I don't know my teeth. I know my teeth aren't like that clean or whatever but come on let's see um yeah they look good yeah but the the dentist i mean growing up our dentist like my family's dentist is like a family friend okay and she she's like so nice to me i'm almost like what what is this about like she every time i go there she goes your teeth are beautiful

like what lay them like a heart a xylophone yeah yeah i remember once one time at my old dentist there was um a dental hygienist who was just there for a day and we had like this marvelous conversation and she was so funny. And I was like, I'm coming back here forever. She was only there for that. Yeah. Just fill it in.

I didn't get her name or anything. So it was just mystery. Yeah. I have a, uh, so I, uh, did my time and I had 15 minutes left before noon.

And then I booked, I had to book a followup to do my top teeth. Yeah. And I requested the same, um, same hygien hygienist nice i've never done that before yeah yeah i'm booking with aren't you supposed to wait until a while after uh the dentist to eat food well here's the thing let me tell you uh they didn't tell me that but i did know that yeah um because i've had fillings before and i think it's like half an hour or an hour yeah but i so it was 11 45 when i left i actually to be honest i had booked my burrito pickup for 12 10 so i had 25 minutes to kill and in that neighborhood there um i went to london drugs

oh sure i went to whole foods and i discovered, sure. I went to Whole Foods, and I discovered something. And this is maybe bad, but... They could steal from Whole Foods. Their security is incredibly weak. Well, the person at the checkout was like, it's 20 bucks Visa or 15 bucks cash. They're not even wearing a uniform. Yeah. Trust me, buddy.

So, I go like uh um groceries have gotten so expensive and like i was like oh man i haven't been to whole foods in like a year i bet it's through the roof i think now regular groceries are the same price as whole foods because whole foods prices haven't gone up which scares me because i'm worried that they're just gonna they will or they're gonna price everyone else out of, uh, groceries and then, and then they'll have the last man standing and then they hike everything. Yeah. Yeah.

Cause they're owned by Amazon. The Amazon method. Yeah. Yeah. Huh? Yeah. I guess, uh, uh, I didn't think about it that way, but you're right. Groceries are, I mean, I go to the cheap, dirtiest grocery store you can possibly go to.

Filthy. That's how they pass the savings on to you. But anyway, then I did get my burrito and I walked home and I think enough time had passed, but didn't enjoy it. Probably because it was from Chipotle. Yeah, it is kind of wild to order Chipotle that far in advance. Yeah. Well, I mean, presumably they're waiting for the perfect time to make it and they're not making it two hours before I pick it up. But I think they maybe did.

Yeah. That's my dream dentist scenario to go and be like, we only have one filling. You want to do it right now? And on your way. Yeah. Don't think about us again for six months. But I do have to go back but she did say um my last dentist was like oh dave you need constant cleaning you should

be coming here every four months whoa really yeah and i didn't like them uh but she said every six months will be fine i still do need to get the my uh gums surgery so we're not out of the woods yet yeah something to look forward to something on the horizon yeah look forward to yeah i just feel like uh i know why people don't go to the dentist like i but i it's now it's just like simple practice well you've got all these benefits you're using up yeah and some friends that i use them with. Oh my. So that's me. Love the dentist. Never, I don't have a bad word to say about the dentist. You're going to go

four times a month just because. I'm sure next time I go, the bloom will be off the rose. Oh, sorry. Janice isn't here today. You'll be with Helga. No. Right this way, Mr. Shumka.

Now, in this scenario, Helga is the cryptkeeper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, dentist rules. Let's hear it for the dentist. What's going on with you? Hooray. Well, Alistair knows this

because I ran into him downtown. Oh, and you could see those teeth of his. You can see them from across the street yeah exactly that's how i knew it was him yeah you were in a skyscraper looking down yeah and i could hear the sound yeah yeah um i saw you and uh fellow comedian bobby warner yep standing on the corner and I was going the opposite way because I was going to go see the band. Kiss. Oh. Yeah. And they're going away to her.

They're going away to her. So, uh, somebody had like last minute tickets they were getting rid of. And, uh, so I got a deal. I've never thought about going otherwise. Like I didn't know they were in town, had no idea. The only other time I've ever thought about them was when they, they played Vancouver at the Millennium. Oh, okay. And I thought that's cool.

Yeah. But I didn't go. But this is, this is it. This is the last time they're going to play Vancouver. They're hanging it up. They're hanging up their platform shoes. Yeah, exactly. It's, you know, it's hard to walk in platform shoes at their age.

Yeah. And to be so graceful yeah well I mean they should be by now you know they've had the practice but

it was now do you know who Kiss is yes I know who Kiss is name 1000 songs I want to rock and roll

that's good you're good Gene Simmons yep you got it we're Gene Simmons and we're here to say where the Simmons

is and everywhere. Also, they came up on my TikTok feed, Kiss did. Okay. One of the footage from one of these concerts. Okay, yeah.

Because there's a trend right now where you put like a real intense, well, like rock or rap concert and then you put on that song Bubbly over top of it. Oh, yes.

So it's the three of them rocking out. I don't know that song. Three of them rocking out and it's like been away for a while now you took me in just like a child man it is like what it takes to become a tiktok trend i'll never understand it's so funny they keep coming up i love it every time um yeah they uh they're in their 70s. They still got it. They still got it. Nice.

Their singing is great. At one point, Paul Stanley gets on basically a zip line and goes out over the audience's head with no, he's not

wearing any apparatus. He just hops on it and zimps out around the crowd. Fireworks, fire. Gene Simmons blowing fire

out of his mouth. Gene Simmons with blood coming out of his mouth jean simmons with blood coming out of his mouth oh whoa uh sounds like me after the helga yeah blood coming out of his mouth um and the great thing about it was it was it was so multi-generational oh yeah yeah because i thought like oh maybe there's just a very specific type of person that goes to kiss. I was wrong. It's all, it's a lot of parents with their kids, uh,

uh, old rock rockers. Yeah. Uh, clergyman, clergyman, fireman, the serpent,

the breeze. Um, and like a lot of people there with the kids which was adorable the like kids like teen teen age um although i saw some people with really little kids with the head headphones yeah whatever um and it was there was the woman in front of me was there with her daughter and they both had their face painted it was very it was it was very wholesome it was this is very wholesome experience yeah i was telling you uh i knew there was a kiss concert even before i saw you because when i took the sky train downtown there was someone in full

kiss makeup just looking really sad just forgetting that oh whoops i'm in public with this yeah exactly yeah but i can't put it on in the bathroom of the venue. It is funny that it's become like shorthand for, this is what a rock and roll thing looks like. Like it was, people were like, this is satanic 50 years ago. And now they're like, this is a neat family thing. I think Charlie Demers told me a joke about that. They sound like songs for kids.

Like I want to rock and roll all night and party every day. Sounds like a kid. Like it's the song that a kid would sing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it is. I was,

I was singing it as a kid. But they, yeah, I can see, I get why it's why they were so big live. It's just the craziest. Everything was over the top. Everything was bananas.

And there were platforms that Gene Simmons and the guy who's not Ace Frehley but is wearing Ace Frehley's makeup going out over the audience. And yeah, there was one thing where they had like about 20 different screens all showing the same image and it was it was like mesmerizing whoa and uh yeah it's the only place that it was bad the entire time in the men's bathroom whoa boy oh boy everyone putting on their makeup it's uh it was right back to high school man it was really like really bro-y very very bro-y right like to a degree that i haven't seen anywhere for a long time but these guys were really i guess this was their one night out and they were just like feeling it they were pushing you uh get snacks and drinks yes what is a beer? Beer costs, it was just a can of beer, and I think it's probably $11, $11.12.

And then a bag of mini donuts wasn't that expensive at all. Yeah. But yeah, totally ruled. I didn't see their opening act, which is also, that also rules. Not having to see their opening act. Did you go with your wife? I did not i went with a long long time ago uh guest named gary jones oh yes yes because i was like i think he's a fan of kiss and uh it's uh because i don't i don't assume everybody likes kiss i know alistair does he loves that one song as a kid play it again play it again yeah yeah

he loves that one song he loves it he was a kid play it again play it again yeah yeah again again um

what uh are you gonna see him next time he comes to town yep oh also Paul Stanley is the best MC I've ever seen

in my life like he pumps the crowd up after every single song he's got he's like he talks like vancouver oh we're having fun tonight vancouver hearing vancouver said in that voice would make me go nuts yeah this guy knows where he is truly now do you think there's been rumors for years

that this band will do when it's time for them to hang it up, they would just license it out and like make, uh, Oh yeah. Make, you know, it doesn't really matter who's wearing the makeup. Just make a, uh,

a group of proxy. Yeah. Yeah. No, I could see them signing up for something like that. Yeah. Certainly them of all people. Yeah.

They, uh, yeah, they've licensed their image more than any other entity that I could think of. Like they will put their image on anything. Got a pair of underwear with them on it. So did you get it there? No,

I got it at, uh, uh, not home. So I pulled it off. I got the winners. Yeah. I got them at winners.

They were only like three bucks. So I was like, it would be criminal. Not. Yeah. That would be a crime. You only got one pair. Uh, there were only like three bucks, so I was like, it would be criminal not. Yeah, that would be a crime. You only got one pair? There was only one pair to be bought.

Oh. Yeah. I'm not wearing them right now, or am I? Graham, do you ever record the podcast Commando? No, no, no, no. Come on. No, I like, I have to be settled in. But yeah, anyways, if you're in a town that uh kids haven't gone to yet check them out it's it's uh it's I wonder

we're pre-taping a bit I wonder if the tour is still happening one they're I know they're ending up at Madison Square Garden that's their last show well if you don't catch kiss it's also uh boy it'll be December soon so just catch the brian setzer uh christmas orchestra just as good just as good or go to uh if you like the face paint go to a juggalo yes yes situation that was a trans-siberian orchestra yes like every every december they're a you know the trice trans-siberian orchestra yeah i don't i don't know that i do either but they're just i only know them from an ad yeah they do an ad they do some kind of big christmas

spectacular every year that's really like a lot of guitars yeah some kind of like rocking confetti show yeah oh yeah they had confetti too it was great confetti they had giant balloons that fell from the ceiling, man. Oh man. I don't think like I've a lot of bands you go and you're like, well, what am I watching?

Did you get to, did you bring home a balloon? No, but I saw, uh, two girls and they could barely get it out the door. Like it was that gigantic.

Wow. They were walking in gas down with it and everybody was like, yay. It's fun to get to leave a place with a balloon. Yeah. Yeah. No, they were big.

Do I get one when I leave here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get a goodie bag, stickers, that kind of thing. Yes. I love a goodie bag. Yeah. I don't necessarily like the things that are in a goodie bag, but in that format, I love it. Yeah, it is very nice.

I remember, I still remember the most uh well actually it wasn't even a party that i was at we were staying with some friends in toronto when i was a little kid and they were like in a very well-off neighborhood can't remember exactly where and the kids that we were staying with they went to a birthday party came back they in the goodie bags they'd gotten a a wii game what the hell yeah what the hell yeah yeah that's how rich this neighborhood was wow i didn't know anybody that rich i know yeah i only got to i only knew the people that knew people that were rich did they like play it or they were like no this is a gift we can't share i don't know i remember i remember the spirit of the game this is a family heirloom i think i think not i think they were um maybe spoiled enough that when they

got the game they're like i don't like this yeah this is actually it's a boring game this is an eight dollar game yeah um uh yeah you take kids to birthday parties and there is uh goodie bags are still going strong. Nice. That's good to hear. Um, we called them loot bags when I was a kid. Yeah, loot bag. Yeah.

Uh, but they're, uh, you know, you'll get stickers, you'll get candy, you'll get, uh, like a little whistle or something. Nice. Yeah. One, some dollar toy, dollar store toy and tattoos. Oh, tattoos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a strong,. Strong part of the whole

goodie bag scene. But also, just like garbage that you'll throw away that day. Just take it and throw it right in the garbage. Thank you.

We would feel weird leaving without this, but we don't want it. Does this got a Wii game in it? Because if not, it's going straight in the trash. And usually, my kids are a little old now,

but usually, your kid would want one of the balloons from the party as well. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I would, I remember that there was a guy who used to live here.

I can't remember his name, but he would just have balloons around his apartment. He would just have like loose floating balloons. Oh, Pennywise, the clown. Yeah, yes. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. Did I mention he lived in the sewer yeah yeah yeah this place was beautiful though yeah yeah yeah when you get down there it's great it smells a little bit

but once you get down in there follow that Pennywise guy all the way to the fun yeah do you guys want to move on to over her? sure sure

folks we get it. Keeping up with an actual play podcast in this economy is a tough sell. That's why we have great news for you. The Adventure Zone is changing up its format. We're going to be doing some shorter seasons, more experimental stuff. There's never been a better time to get on board the zone. And if you're sick of listening to our voices, we get that, too. So we're including some guests on this upcoming one, we've got Kate Welch and

Gabe Hicks, who are incredible. And you want to try out some new games? You got it. We've got the new Marvel Multiverse RPG. We're using that and with a really brilliant GM doing it. It's dad. What he's saying is it's dad. Dad's doing it. It's dad doing it. You can listen every Thursday

on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm glad you said that because nobody says that. You can listen every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, boy oh boy, if you're out there in the world and you hear something wacky and wild, we want to hear it. You're on the podcast. And we always like to start with a guest. Alistair, do you have an overheard? I do.

I do. My overheard, actually, do uh my overheard actually it's uh kind of an old older one from my life but i haven't been able to find anything that really you've got your whole life yeah yeah yeah yeah um it's uh you've got your whole life ahead of you that's true yeah so you don't throw it all away so this is from my little sister's uh birthday party years ago i'm 11 years older than my sister okay yeah i was like i guess a teenager at the time and uh my little cousin was there he was a year younger than my sister so i think she was maybe turning five and he was turning four or even she was four and he was three

something like that and it was at a gymnastics uh space yeah and my little cousin, Liam, he sort of dove into the foam pit. And I just remember his legs dangling out the top, but his torso was submerged beneath the foam. And he just goes, he's very precocious for his age. He goes, Mom, Mom, I'm in a predicament. Oh, yeah. Just something they selected out of some conversation they had somewhere. Exactly. It was a beautiful moment.

Oh, man, that's great. Those foam pits, you've taken Poppy and Margo to these foam pits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they like. Are they gross? Yeah, they're not. I think the nature of the foam itself is like your hands after you touch it don't feel good. Even if they were clean out of the factory. Yeah.

There's some, there's something about them that is not what you want. But I think with like something like a ball pit, there is a way to clean the thing. But is there a way to clean foam? I think you probably just spray chemicals on it. Yeah. That sounds alright. That sounds good. I know that there are, it's weird, at Ikea,

the ball pit, there's like rules for toilet training. You have to be out of diapers, which seems dicey to me, baby. I think you would want a diaper yeah yeah that's you gotta swear on avid david david that uh yes like i do use the bathroom i can use the bathroom but i as a grown-up going into these foam pits they are it's fun to fall into them it is impossible to get them out and your body you're using muscles you didn't know you would use it is a predicament it really you're in a predicament yeah oh man uh and

sometimes you see uh like a video of somebody uh jumping in a foam pit it's good submerging in it my favorite is seeing someone uh jumping on to um doing it to a lake but the lake is frozen yes and they somehow think they're gonna break through and they don't and they just hurt their ass. I can picture one of those viral videos right now. Yeah, go for one of those. Yeah. Go for one of those right now, I'll tell you. I could go for a nice viral

video sesh. Dave, do you have one over here? Yeah, this is sort of a weird situation. At Shopper's Drug Mart, everything you want in a drugstore. Yeah. The neighborhood drugstore. Yeah.

Replace the corner store in the city, I would say. Sure, yeah. Toronto's got a lot of corner stores. Yeah, yeah. That rules. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty sweet.

Yeah, they're not all the same. Yeah. Well, we've got enough that um there's good ones and bad ones oh you know what i mean you're like you don't you don't want to go to that one you do want to go to that yeah what's the best one i don't remember the name of a single one i just can give you the tour guide are you my god this is something people are gonna want i started working as a tour guide when i was i had been living in the city for one month and so people, I would always say,

I have a little intermission. I go, if you want any recommendations or have questions about the city, come ask me. And every time someone would ask me something, I go, I don't, I just fold immediately.

I have no idea. Tim Hortons. Tim Hortons. Shoppers. Um, but the, uh, so I was at Shoppers Drug Mart,

uh, where they have self checkouts and there's just like one person working. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but they're also checking people out who don't want to use the self checkouts. So I was next to a guy who was like, who had just gone through the self checkout and he was like looking stressed out and he had called over someone to help him.

And the person, the employee came over and was like do you need a receipt because his purchase had gone through yeah and he's like i don't need a receipt uh and they're like well what's going on he said okay so my purchase went through and the voice said thank you for using our self-checkout but then the voice started getting really slow. And the employee's like, oh, that's okay. Yeah, that's fine. And then he goes,

oh, it is? It started getting really slow. Just like the computer voice was malfunctioning. Yeah. You can leave. Yeah, exactly. You've got your purchase. Yeah, no, the self-checkout's haunted.

Yeah, no big deal. Is there anything you want to do about that? Maybe make a out of a couple spooky season yeah you should maybe put up like a sign that says spooky yeah put up some of that spooky caution tape if anything you're gonna get more customers going in there yeah it's so spooky thank you for using our self-checkout. Take your blood bag and get out. How'd they know I had a blood bag? Yeah, the other day when I was at the grocery store, I chose to go in cashier lineup. Yeah?

Oh, you're so Graham. Oh, my God. What a hero you are. Thank you. I didn't want to punch in all the codes for all the vegetables and fruits. Oh, wow. What a great eater you are. Oh my God.

So healthy. Yeah. Did I mention I only go to the dentist once a year? Oh, how hygienic of you. Anyways. You got her overheard, yeah. Yeah. Uh,

anyways, you got to ever heard. Yeah. Yeah. This is a, in a bathroom where that I'm assuming there's a man in the stall and I'm assuming there was a guy. Where is this? This is at a,

uh, called the, uh, library square. No library square pub. Okay. Yeah. So I go in there,

there's a guy in the stall. He obviously was talking to somebody else who had left because it was just me in there and then he was capping off a conversation and he said I'll give you a blowjob

and it was just me and I was like okay and then he was just like bro bro bro I'm sorry I thought my friend was still here

sure I'm here anyway. Was this the night of the kiss concert? No, this was the night of another concert I went to. This was the night of the blowjob. The night of a stranger blowjob. No kiss. Just blowjob.

Yeah, no kiss. No, no, no. No kiss. No hug. No soap. Radio. What? You're going to save that other concert for a later date? Yes, yes. no hug no soap radio what you're gonna save

that other concert for a later date yes yes there's only so many things that happen to a person in a week that's true but yeah

the did you make did he come out of the stall did you ever see this guy no I never saw him but he was so

embarrassed I was like hey man thanks to the tango like I was into it you know don't be embarrassed you know was your wife with you for this concert yeah we I was like, hey, man, it takes two to tango. Like, I was into it.

Don't be embarrassed, you know? Was your wife with you for this concert? Yeah. And we're using the same bathroom. She was quiet the whole time. One of these Ellie McBeal bathrooms. I've been in a couple, like, blowjob situations.

Go-ed bathroom things. It's not weird at all. Like, if if there's stalls if it's all stalls nobody's no sure freaking out or anything like that it's like uh i'd i'd the only thing that would be awkward for me and i don't know if this has really fully happened but if i had to uh poop and uh my crush was in there that's kind. That's kind of the worst case scenario. Not for me, man. I like to get those expectations nice and low. You came over to my place

and you put on your fuzzy pajamas and you took the biggest poop in the world. You blocked up the toilet. You weren't even embarrassed about it. You walked out and were like, woohoo! And then you were like, I ruined my pajamas.

I'm not allowed in the ball pit. Do you have any phone blocks I can touch? I want to feel safe. Yeah. I love it. Now we also have overheard sent into us from people all over the world if you want to send one in you can send it into spy at maximum fun.org the first one is in south london walk into a park a little girl five or six years old and a happy sing-song voice i hate outside i like inside more oh yeah it's cute i get it i'm the same yeah yeah why are you making me go for a walk yeah exactly let me sing the song i wrote about how much i hate it out here um indoors outdoors your preference just in general

yeah um i like outdoors. Hmm. Okay. Yeah. Kind of a frontiersman kind of vibe. Yeah. I think it's because I grew up in Vancouver and worked in a kayak shop and stuff. You're just telling us now that you worked in a kayak shop? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What'd you do there? Sell kayaks? I sold, well, I rented out kayaks mostly. And then I taught kids how to kayak and paddleboard and did that for like seven years. Yeah. What's the, what's the, the look we got a lot of kayaking listeners what's the number one mistake kayak uh first time kayakers actually i will tell you because it is very funny uh it's almost always

the most confident men who do this where they try to treat the kayak like a lazy boy chair and they really lean back a lot. And then your center of gravity goes up. And then so they'll kind of do this. I can picture it exactly because we would have like a Father's Day thing, and you'd get some dads that are like, I know how to do this. And then they get in there. They treat it like a lazy boy chair.

They kind of hold the paddle straight, and then they start wiggling. They wiggle their lower body a bunch and then sometimes they'll go quite a ways before they actually tip over and fall in but it's inevitable it's inevitable you can tell the second they get onto the water and they go like that and they start wiggling i'm like oh they're gonna go they're gonna go in and it's just a question of how long and then i have to go rescue them yeah i look like a hero yeah that was kayaks not life jackets oh that's a nightmare scenario being in a kayak that's flipped upside down i wouldn't know I look like a hero. Yeah, that was nice. We only ran kayaks, not life jackets. Oh, that's a nightmare scenario, being in a kayak that's flipped upside down.

I wouldn't know what to do. Well, you just fall out. It's not like you're stuck in there. There's no seatbelt. Oh, you just fall out. Yeah, yeah. Are you a good kayaker? I'm pretty good, yeah. Can you do those rolls?

I haven't done one in a long time. But you've done them. No, I haven't. I actually was not able to do one in like a sea kayak. That's really hard to do it in a sea kayak because they're so long. Right. You're great. And the sea kayaks are the longer ones.

Kayaks are the long ones. And then whitewater kayaks are the little nubby ones. Yeah, nubs. So nub ones, you can kind of do that fairly easily. Nice. When I was at UVic, one of the guys in my dorm was on the national kayaking team. Wow. He was the most muscular person I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah. That sounds about right. Is kayak an Olympic? I think it is, yeah. Yeah. I hear they're going to try break dancing in the Olympics. They're not trying it. It's in.

It's in. Yeah, 2028. Hell yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, no, 2024. The 2028, they've added like a few other things like flag football. Flag football,

makeup artistry. Cornhole. Cornhole. Is the breakdancing real? Is flag football real? Yeah, yeah. Why would we lie? Yeah. Kayaking is in there. A thing that dads do.

You riffed cornhole, but that is really not out of the question anymore. No, cornhole's out. Cornhole, there was a doping scandal. I feel like this is one of the few issues that I feel like a conservative on, where I'm like, there's enough stuff in the Olympics. You don't need more. I think they should take out shooting. That seems to me to be like.

Yeah, that's crazy. I also don't get why, like, if hockey and basketball both happen in the winter why is one of them in the summer olympics and one of them's in the winter olympics smart they happen in the same arenas at the same time basketball was in the winter olympics that would be so funny yeah why not yeah why not yeah and then do they have is there street ball in street basketball yeah street basketball maybe what it's what What would the difference be really? Usually only like Four people a team

Oh And yeah you'd be in concrete So at my kids school for two weeks They replace gym with like Dance And at the end of the two weeks they do a big Recital where every class does dances for the whole for all the parents whoa and the guy who runs it was like and one

of my students like who who's from vancouver will is like trying out for the olympics and you're gonna hear about him and he'll be in the olympics oh wow soon oh my gosh. Here's what has been added for the Los Angeles 2028 games. Baseball slash softball. You decide when you get there. Baseball wasn't it? I feel like baseball or softball have been, and maybe they came out and coming back in. Cricket. That seems crazy that that hasn't been.

Well, it's because the Olympics are only two weeks long and that's how long it takes to play one. Flag football, lacrosse and squash. Squash. Huh. And then in, that's 2028. In 2024, there's breaking, which I assume is break dancing, sport climbing. So like. Indoor climbing?

I guess so. Or like. Okay. You're racing up a. You're racing up a wall. Skateboarding and surfing. But skateboarding is already... Maybe there's a different kind. Yeah.

Grinding, I don't know. Street skateboarding as opposed to gymnasium. Now this next one comes from Terry L. Mostly I like this one because of the thing that this guy was watching. He said, I'm a big fan of CFL's Saskatchewan Roughriders.

Former rider, player Luke Mullinder, has a series of YouTube videos where he drives around in a golf cart with current players and interviews them. I was just catching up on these,

so there's ones that he didn't get around to. Just catching up on these and watched his's ones that need to get around to, uh, just catching up on these and watched his interview with center Peter Godbear from the latest college football at Rice university in Texas. Luke said, what was one of the things that people don't know about Rice university? And part of Peter's response was it's more of an academic based school.

That's probably something people don't know. It's not just a academic-based school. That's probably something people don't know. It's not just peer pressure. Yeah. One of the big things that happened at school. Smoking. Yeah, smoking. Telling the substitute teacher that your name is somebody else's name. Yeah.

My university was primarily known for lunch. Mine was known for grease or frat parties. Mine was known for, uh, you could go downtown and there was a gap. It wasn't, it was a split level. It wasn't two floors,

like it was two floors, but you could see the second floor from the first floor. Unreal. I'm going to Victoria this weekend. It'll be before this comes out, but I'll go find the gap. Yeah. Something to do pre-show,

right? Sorry? Something to do pre-show. Something to do pre-show, right? Sorry? Something to do pre-show. Something to do pre-show. Yeah. Go to the gap. Maybe even talk about it on stage. Yeah, riff. Put that in your act.

How about that? This last one comes from Nate in Minneapolis. I was walking over the famous Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis. Never heard of it. Yeah, so famous. I forgot to laugh. And overheard two men chatting behind me i heard one man say to the other in the first grade i was bullied by the other kids and felt

left out because i hadn't seen kramer versus kramer in first grade you don't know kramer's a Kramer? You suck. Yeah. You know, Justin Hoffman wasn't acting. He was really mean to Meryl Streep. It sucks. Sucks to know that.

Yeah. Really ruins it. I'll still watch it, but yeah. That'd be so fun. Just a little gang of kids whose parents are divorced

who've all watched Kramer vs. Kramer. That's right. He can't relate. He doesn't know what goes on. His parents are still in love. Yeah.

Oh, gross. I'm, uh uh i haven't seen that one uh i don't think i've seen it either i've seen it have you yes are your parents divorced no oh is it really sad yeah quite sad yeah i feel like that's why i've never like i've had opportunities to watch it but but I'm like, I don't know. Never really in the mood. Yeah, to be sad or to see something bleak. Or it's like that marriage story one that came out a couple of years ago with Adam Driver. Yeah, yeah. Scarlett Johansson. It's like, who's ever, whoever feels like that?

I don't know, but I watched it just to see the two of them just act their asses off. Just acting at each other so hard, so fast. Acting should be in the olympics yes i mean now the dancing's in there yeah what can't you put in there we had a uh we do a thing uh oh we'll do it probably coming up uh the last episode of the year we talked to um our uh we talked to the listeners they can call in right um listeners oh stand by we'll figure out yeah yeah yeah yeah we did have someone who i think there it was we say you can call in with a question a special or a special talent and this person's talent was they could name every meryl streep movie for which she was nominated? Yeah. Wow, that's a lot.

A lot of noms. God, she's great. A lot of noms. That sounds like a good restaurant for snacks. A snack store. A lot of noms. A lot of noms. Yeah, that's all the

written over. Well, I guess that's the show. We'll go out on a lot of noms. No, that's all the written I guess that's the show. We'll go out on a lot of noms. No! In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1 844-779-7631 That's one. Ugh. SpyPod

1, like these people have. Good pipes. Hi, Dave Graham and Ineffable Guest. This is Jessalyn calling in with an overheard from California. I was at a Japanese garden the other day. It's a very calm,

peaceful place. There are a lot of visitors around, but still just like a quiet, meditative, reflective sort of place. And I'm at this koi pond. There there's, like, koi fish swimming up, and there's a woman next to me with her friends, and she's taking pictures of the koi fish. And this gray koi fish swims up, and she's, you know, quietly taking pictures.

And then she loudly breaks the silence and says, I'm going to send these to Jerry and tell him it's a dolphin. Jerry's an idiot. He'll totally buy this. Love it. Gray koi fish. Yeah. Huh.

Like when you see a brown pigeon. It just like blows your mind. You didn't know that nature can work that way. Worried about this koi fish. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Maybe it's ill, right? It lost all its orange.

What about fishing as an Olympic sport? That's probably, we're not far from it. Yeah, the way this country's going. Although in my day, it was in the Olympics and it was great. I forgot what my point was. I think there's a certain segment of the... Fishing's on TV all the time. I've watched a fishing show here and there.

Very relaxing. Poker's also on TV all the time. Put that in the Olympics. Yeah, put that in the Olympics. God. Like I say, I want acting in. Wrapping, of course, I want. Yeah, I want a combination acting, rapping.

Scatting. Something where Eminem, who has been in a movie. In that case, just put stand-up in the Olympics. Why not? It's whoever can last the longest. Okay, now I'm back on board again. I want to be in the Olympics. And the judges are like,

talking over your head. Oh, I don't speak Russian. What you're seeing here is this guy is bombing first bit did not do so well and we're just waiting the judges are paying attention to this this year comedian destroys judge next phone call hey guys i've got an overheard for you. In the bathroom in a Target, a dad is waiting for his son to come out of the stall. The son comes out of the stall. The son comes out of the stall and has his hands in his pockets and looks his dad in the eyes and goes dad and then looks at the ground in shame and goes i had a turd

oh my goodness that was fantastic the telling of that was fantastic the sun comes out of the stall he went into what is it called in medias res yeah yeah he sure. He went present tense, which I really respect as someone who took creative writing. It's one of the terms I remember from my five years of college. Yeah, the, what else would you be doing in there? You know what I mean? I know. Well, you should be proud. Yeah, you did it.

Here's a gift bag. And finally. Hi, Dave, Graham, and Dest. This is Katie calling from Oakland with an overheard. I was at a Halloween marionette show that happens in my neighborhood every Halloween, which is one of my favorite things ever. And this year, there were a couple of kids right next to me in the crowd, a boy who was probably like nine and a girl who was maybe

like eight. And I think they were brother and sister. And during the show, they were both very vocal and seemed to really be enjoying the show. But the boy also was expressing when something would scare him in the show. And at one point, some goblins came out and he said something like, oh, I don't know about these guys. I don't like this at all. But then right after that, the scene got, like, silly,

and suddenly all the goblins were drinking coffee, and he sounded really relieved, and he goes, oh, see, guys? It's okay. They just want to drink coffee. And then his sister, like, right after that, very, like, emphatically goes, yeah, they just want to

exist off I go and I love your podcast they're not complicated you know yeah they want one thing can we just like extend these goblins

a little bit of grace let goblins be goblins yeah I've always said that puppet show on Halloween I mean that's too scary for me I'm used to like a

Spook alley A neighborhood spook alley This is where you walk through Halloween decorations that are on a path A spook alley I've actually never seen one I've only heard about it from someone calling that in once I went through something

Crazy in Toronto recently. Was it puberty? Hey. I think there's this festival or arts festival in Toronto. I can't remember the name. Something to do with Blanc, like Nuit Blanc. I think that's what it's called. It's this big arts festival,

and there was an alleyway behind Comedy Bar. And I saw there was some kind of commotion happening. A big bunch of people, I'd never seen them before, wandered over to it. And they were doing something called a baby fight. Which, it looked like these two people just had babies on sticks. And then there was the final between these two babies. They were all like, sort of, yeah, it was very intense. The Olympic committee is taking

notes exactly and then these they they started uh fighting these two babies together these are like puppets yeah yeah yeah yeah baby dolls on sticks and then what i didn't realize uh is that these uh sticks that they were holding were like attached to i guess car batteries or something it was like metal like there was an electric current going through these babies which i did not realize okay so all of a sudden it is very dangerous yeah until the babies one of them caught on fire what the hell it was insane and even after it caught on fire and like most of its body burned away the fight was not over

as long as its head was still on the stick those are the rules yeah and it came from behind after burning I do yeah

I like a good cultural festival yeah it's fun to just see something weird yeah walk around and be like

I guess that's like a bonus over scene. Yeah, sure. Thank you for that. That counts. Towards your debt. Alistair, thank you so much for being a guest. This was so much fun. Thank you for having me. This is a dream come true, honestly. For us as well.

Yeah. You are going to be in London at the Soho Theatre on November 29th. I'm going to be opening for my friend Hassan Fils. So the show doesn't have me on it in terms at the Soho Theater on November 29th. I'm going to be opening for my friend Hassan Fills. So the show doesn't have me on it in terms of the advertising at all. But you'll be there. Trust me, I'll be there. American Airlines

is taking me there. Do you have any socials where people can find you online? Yeah, well, if you just Google Alistair Ogden, the way that it's spelled in the episode notes, I'm the only one.

Oh, good for you. Except there is one listing, if you scroll far enough down Google, for another character spelled the exact same way as my name, Alistair Ogden, and he's sort of like a side character in a sort of homoerotic Harry Potter fan fiction. Oh, okay.

Title or something. I mean, it's... You're so judgmental. It's actually... I wrote it and it's not erotic. It's romantic. And it's... I mean, I don't know

where I got the name from. Well, thank you so much. Thank you, everybody out there for listening. If you have an idea for a new sport in the Olympics, send it along. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximum Fun A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows

supported directly by you.