Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 828 - Christine Bortolin

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

Comedian Christine Bortolin returns to talk spy movies, snow, and substitute teachers.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 828 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham and with me as always is a man who loves an espresso drink, Mr. Dave Shumka. He drinks an espresso drink? He drinks a java drink.

A lot of drinks. Can anyone find that episode where I was going off on my love of java juice and the sweet mother nectar of the caffeine i mean went on a good jag there and i think about it a lot but i can't somebody will find it yeah yeah find it our listeners are just absolutely absolute mad lads when it comes to our mad lads they're not afraid to steal a stop sign put it in their house they're podcast hooligans and they and they show up at our shows with shirts on, but leave shirtless. Yeah, they're always roaming the streets looking for a fight. Anybody wearing another podcast t-shirt. Yeah, absolutely.

When our rivals from the dollop. That's right. They'll kill people from the dollop. We don't have rivals in this podcast because we have been crushed by every other podcast. Yes, yeah. We'll take on newcomers before you rock it to the top of the charts. Yeah. We don't have rivals in this podcast because we have been crushed by every other podcast. Come on. We're only... We'll take on newcomers before you rock it to the top of the charts. Yeah.

We, yes, the fact that we have kept this going in the face of everyone else's success is a true... Is a true, yeah. Yeah, something of something. And there it goes. That's why we don't have the success. I couldn't think of the word. A testament to our fortitude.

Resilience? Yeah, resilience. Our guest today. The audacity of hope. Yes. Thank you, Barack. And Michelle? Or no, just Barack.

No, secretly Michelle Rose. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, one of our all-time faves. She is one half of Gordman and Aaron, which is one of the greatest comedy shows in town. She is a director. She is a comedian and just an all-around great person. It's Christy Borland, everybody.

Oh, hi. Hi. I don't think I heard the N in Christine. Oh, really? Did you hear Christy Borland? I heard Christy, but I think it was just a tongue thing. Yeah, it's a tongue thing. Yeah, you guys would understand.

Do you need a tongue to say the letter N? Yeah, because you've got to put it on the top. Yeah, otherwise it's Christy. Christy. Yeah, it was a tongue thing. Have you done any? Tongue? Either.

Tongue twisters. Oh, yeah. Have you done any tongue stuff Either Tongue twisters Oh yeah Have you done any tongue stuff Yeah I've done some tongue stuff Yeah sure Have you done any Either ventriloquism Or speech therapy

I did Did you As a kid I had a Boston accent And then They got that out of me But I can't say Without thinking first

I can't say Pants Pants Pants What do you say Pants Oh't say pants pants pants pants oh you say pants or like pants are you from Boston?

no I don't know where it came from and then did your mother play Good Will Hunting on headphones and attach it to her belly? there is

and I could be yes I can write one good screenplay whoa have they not written anything good since? together? There is? Yes, I can write one good screenplay. Whoa. Have they not written anything good since? Together? I don't think they've written anything together since.

Yeah, maybe I'm wrong. I mean, they're famous friends. Yeah. Yeah. Probably some of the most famous. Co-stars in multiple projects. Yeah. And one of them's Batman, for crying out loud. And the other one's

fucking, what's his name from? Jason Bourne. Jason Bourne. I was wondering. I just listened to that book. Yeah. The Robert Ludlum.

Yeah. Did you listen to the first one? Yeah. That's the first, okay, the first one was the one

that I just finished. Okay. You're going to launch into the whole series? I think so. Okay. Who reads them? Me. Oh. You said you listened, right whole series? I think so. Okay. Who reads them? Me.

Oh. You said you listened, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody with a Boston accent. Who do we think? Michael Rapaport. John F. Kennedy. Someone you've never heard of, probably.

Yeah, okay. I read that book before the movie came out. That was like one of the few times in my life I was like, I'm going to be on the ground floor for this and uh i really saw a lot of myself at jason bourne yeah the way that like i think it's only kind of described in the book is his ability he's like faceless yeah like people meet him and forget about him instantly and like that's me that's what you need to be a spy though it's good for spies i know there's well let's get to know us what's the the the killer the one with um michael fastbender that he he's supposed to be that but he's not because you're like oh this is a very handsome man it's not somebody's face or height

you would forget he's not kind of plain Jane enough. I don't think Matt Damon is either. He's too good looking to be a faceless man. Yeah. What about now?

I haven't seen him in a long time. Maybe you have and you don't even know. Oh, you're right. Have you guys seen Slow Horses? Yeah.

It's like my favorite show on TV. I have to watch the finale of season one i'm i'm all in now though what is what is it it's a spy show kind of like a john le carre type le car le carre le carre uh type um british spy show but there's lots of jokes and humor it's based on these books by someone i don't remember the not john locare no but the books are great too but the problem is you can only listen to the book at least for me i can only listen to the book up to the series being over because i want to watch the series first

oh to be surprised yeah uh yeah because it's very hard to be surprised in books because it's like if there's a couple pages left in that chapter like something's gonna happen yeah uh have you ever read a real page turner yeah okay they're few and far between for me i'm i've read a lot of put down fall sleepers um have you so you've seen all three seasons i've yeah oh yeah i watched them right away and each week this time they uh they they they gave one a new one every wednesday they gave us a new one um and i would watch the week befores to prep myself before watching oh so you double up it was very dedicated i've never been so dedicated abby does a thing with, she will do that with some shows she watches

and she'll listen to like an accompanying analysis podcast. Oh, I've never done that. So deep submerged. Yeah, I forget. She's got the two guys that she listens to all the time and they're our rival podcast.

But she's... Watch out for our fans, oh man. And she started watching shows that, because it's all like the Mandalorian and whatever the Marvel shows are on. But then they ran out of those shows and they started watching, like, I think they watched the new season of Fargo. And so she's just watching that without me now. No, what the hell? She's watching that with her boyfriend. Do you like, did you see or read Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy?

I did. Saw it, read it, and listened to it as audio. I love these types of books and shows. I wish there was more, but I think you have to have like, you have to think about it. Have you seen The Americans? I haven't seen that. Everybody says it's amazing. It's a spy thing and it's about agents from Russia.

Oh, that's cool. How do you feel about Jason Bourne? I think he's, I feel bad for him. But. Have you seen, you've only read the first book. I've only read the first book, so he could go downhill. Have you seen the other movies? I haven't seen all of them.

I've seen, I don't know, know you know they all have those silly names the ultimatum the liabilities insurance terms i think i've seen three or i think i've seen i've seen two for sure i know i've seen three because i think i like spy stuff and then i I start watching these Bourne movies and I'm like, I just like the chasing. I don't care who's behind Treadstone. I don't care who's like, what happens to Joan Allen. I like that stuff.

It's always the, it's like, that's a real in deep trope of the, we made the perfect assassin. Oh no, now they're after us oh shit it's a come off end yeah yeah so we made you great best killer in the world

and oh no we lost control of you again it's basically Terminator as well totally yeah we made a perfect killing machine yeah

I always wonder how much time you have to spend in the army to become killing machine, assassin level. Like, is that first four years or you have to get kind of. I was wondering like as a spy, how long you have to be a spy to get secrets. Before they start giving you secrets that aren't even in your like department. Like you stumble upon. Or they're just like yeah okay well to let you know it's a to let you in on this you now have this clearance so you can get secrets that are

a part of other they do they uh do a little test where they're like it's uh jennifer's birthday but say anything to anybody. Okay, I won't. Happy birthday. You fool. He flew in. You feel a gun on the back of your neck. Do you like... That's when you qualify for benefits? Yeah.

If you pass that. Do you like... Now, check this out. Bond. James Bond. That's good. That was really good. I felt like he was in the room.

Yeah. Which one was I though? You're the one that got his teeth kicked in. Sound like me as a kid almost. I like Bond though. So it's on my list of things to do in life to watch every Bond movie. Because that stuff is fun. Yeah.

You can turn your brain off a bit for it. I'd love to turn my brain off. Oh, God, yeah. I don't know if they're good. I think that they're all kind of, like, silly. They're all silly, and you have to like the thing. Like, you have to like that basic concept that there's a guy

who's like basically invincible. Yeah. And also so horny. I love the new ones. I go in theater right away to those ones. Yeah.

Because they're just so beautiful. Who do you think because he's gone. He's dead. Yeah. That was a shocker. Who's going to be the new?

I don't know who's going to be the new. You know the guy Will Smith From Slow Horses The red headed guy You know the guy From Bridgerton Season 1

Reggie Yeah yeah I think he'd be a good Bond Is he French in real life Or is he I think he's French But he can play British Is the world ready

For a French Bond People didn't even want An Irish Bond They didn't even want an Irish Bond. They didn't want a blonde Bond. Remember that? Well, blonde Bond? Yeah, they hated it. Really?

When Daniel and Craig showed up? Yeah. Yeah, when it was announced. Oh, he's so good in it, though. I know, but all they cared about was his blondness. I think Tom Hiddleston wants to be Bond. Too famous. Yeah, exactly.

It's got to be someone who's's like and like can wear like oh like do you think the guy from Slow Horses the young guy the red headed guy I think he could do it for sure but I don't know

he's the world ready for a red headed Bond that's what I'm thinking yeah right yeah I gotta see him in a suit yeah should I pull up

the Bond odds Bond odds yeah when is this new bond? Bond, bond, bond. Oh, it's not been cast. Oh. But they're like, Daniel Craig's not doing it again.

Mm-hmm. So, you know who loves an Aston Martin? Jay Leno. Rowan Atkinson. Or Jay Leno. Oh. Are they ready for a denim bond? I read Jay Leno's autobiography when I was like, I got it for Christmas.

Leading with my chin? Yeah. Yeah. When I was like, I got it for Christmas. Leading with my chin? Yeah. When I was like nine. Yeah. And there's a very like clear sex scene in that book where he gets choked with a tie. Really? Yeah.

Oh, I read it like, yeah, years and years ago when it first came out. Okay. The leader. I was told he was funny. The leader in the odds right now. Yeah. Is Aaron Taylor Johnson. Do you know who that is?

No. Who's that? Aaron Taylor Johnson. He you know who that is? No. Who's that? Aaron Taylor Johnson. He was in Kick-Ass. Oh, yeah. As a little boy. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Aaron Taylor Johnson. I don't know. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah. The problem is I don't know the first three on this list. I don't know Damson Idris. Damson. Idris. I know Ted Danson. Oh, is Ted Danson on the list? don't know damson idris damson idris i know ted danson oh is ted danson on the list yeah ted danson is next in line no it's uh george went oh george went yeah

yeah damson is the world ready for a drunk boy uh and then i don't know the third guy there is um james norton is it jim norton yeah it's jim norton from uh satellite radio is it yeah No, the third guy there is James Norton. Is it Jim Norton? Yeah, it's Jim Norton from Satellite Radio, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, I could see him doing it, too. I could see. Oh, yeah, this guy. I could see one of the last two, both of the last two.

Like you say, you have to see them in a suit or a tuxedo to seal the deal. Oh, it says his partner, James Norton's partner is Imogen Poots. Oh, Imogen Poots. So you have to see him in a suit or a poot. Those are the rules. And then there's names I recognize.

There's Roger Jean Page. Yeah, okay. I really think that he should be it. Paul Mescal. Which one's Paul Mescal? Do you watch award shows much? No. Okay. Dev Patel.

Oh, yeah, Dev Patel, sure. Oh, okay. Paul Mescal, I'm not sure about. Tom Hardy's on this list. Oh, I do have a soft spot for Tom Hardy. I have a hard spot. Yeah, I've got a wet spot. Are you kidding me?

Oh, shit. Okay, fellas. And then Henry Cavill's on the list. And your boy, Jack Loden from Slow Horses. Henry Cavill would be good. Wow, so he's in the running, eh? He's in the running, man. He's a great actor.

And he can be funny, but at the same time be beating people up and stuff. Yeah, he's running around a lot. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. What if he went on a completely outside bet, like Tom from Succession? Pardon me. Siri.

Yeah, I think they should do, yeah. Whoa, that'd be cool. Like the fact that he was in Pride and Prejudice and Succession, and he was two completely different characters, like the weird end of the spectrum. And I think people find him quite attractive, even though I think he's kind of a plain face.

Yeah. He's got an interesting, interesting face. Very good voice. Yeah. I think because they like, it's so, you know,

they really want a British person to do it. It's usually a British person. They should go the other way. Get Ted Lasso. Yeah. Get Ted Lasso. He's done jobs that only British people

have done before. Does he get to keep the mustache? Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. Are we ready for a mustache bar? I think so. And it's just like... A positive bond.

People just want, you know, something happy. Yeah, that's true. I mean, we've all been through so much these last few years. I've never seen a second of it. Is it... Have you seen it?

You've never seen any Bond movie? Ted Lasso. Oh. No, I've never seen a second of it. Is it? Have you seen it? You've never seen any Bond movie? Ted Lasso. Oh. No, I've only seen the trailer. Yeah. Have you seen it?

I tried it. Not for me. Yeah, fair enough. For a lot of people, though. I heard season two goes completely off the rails. Oh, really?

But I don't know what the rails are. Yeah, okay, right. Yeah, the rails aren't for me. Maybe I'll like season two. Do you guys ever go to speech therapy? No.

I, I, hmm. What did I do? I've never, no, I've never been to speech therapy. You did as a kid.

I did as a kid. I mean, did you have to go to a hospital to get this done or a tutor came to your house? Where did you have to do that? Did EMTs administer speech therapy to you? It was just a room in the school. Oh, it was at school? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Because I'm fascinated when there's like diagrams of like how the tongue should touch the teeth in various parts for different letters. The top of the tongue, the teeth, the lips, I think. should touch the teeth in various parts for different letters top of the tongue the teeth but like yeah when you think like if you stop and think about how each sound is made i i i feel like i would um i wouldn't get anything done there's dave just thinking about a goddamn tongue well he tried to get a sentence though but he thought about every sound. And then like you hear people who, uh,

you know, who have accents and, or, uh, impediments and they do it differently. And you're like, wow, how do you retrain that?

Yeah. Yeah. There's a comedian from Toronto named Nikki Payne. And she has a very distinct way of talking. Like you'd never mistake her for anybody else. But she had like a ton of speech therapy just to get to that point. And like every year until she was out of school, she had to have speech therapy. Wild.

Yeah. Where does it come from? I don't know. I don't know. And where did you do it in school? Yeah, I did it in school. And they went like it went Boston, Cockney, then whatever it is now. What?

Classic Christine. What were the other kids doing while you were doing that? They were doing school. I don't know. Did you ever learn school? I loved it. I should have attended more. Yeah.

I remember when I was leaving, when I was leaving high school, one of my teachers was in front of everyone. She was opening a door, and she was a PE teacher. And she was like, to everyone, she was like, Christina and I have had some really tough times, but we sorted it out and we're friends now, aren't we? And in my mind, I had not thought about her at all, so i was like whoa she has this like i was like i guess yeah i think were you a tough person to teach at at gym gym class i didn't run i think that was maybe an issue and then if i could

mess around i would and then i but that's what jim is for yeah just for being crazy yeah i had a gym teacher that really thought i was super funny so i got to stand around with him and just joke around and make fun of people who were running i like i ruled well that's awesome i never understood i loved jim but i know like and i wasn't the most athletic kid i hated the running part like especially in high school they would make you start by running laps before. But how is this worse than science? Why do people hate gym class? Well, some of us are bad at it.

But I'm bad at science. True, but you don't have to be out in the cold, exhausted. And getting sweaty. You don't have to look like shit in front of everyone else. Yeah, but it's like an easy A. You just have to be like out in the cold, exhausted and like getting sweaty like shit in front of everyone else. But it's like an easy A. You just have to try. That's fair. You do just have to try, which I never considered.

My sister would do the run with a book. She'd just be reading a book as she like kind of like ran very slowly forward. That's a real. That's a talent. Yeah. She shouldn't have been running. I had asthma, too. That's a real, that's a talent.

Yeah, she shouldn't have been running. I had asthma too, and that was kind of the other thing is like, well, run some laps and then let's listen to Graham wheeze for the rest of the class. What is, what is asthma? I mean, I know what it is. I know it's like a breathing thing, but it's like, what does it feel like? What, like, paint me a picture. I know that it's like, you need a like what like you paint me a picture i know that it's like you need a puffer you need a puffer everything gets uh in your chest gets very tight and uh you just immediately feel like you're getting a third of the oxygen that you need and the puffer is a steroid yeah so it opens things up yeah and and is that why you're so swole? I'm so swole.

Yeah. I mean, that's just one of the good side effects. If you are a professional athlete or an Olympic athlete, are you allowed to take a puffer? If you have asthma, are you allowed to take a puffer? That's a very good question. I don't think you would be if you had asthma. But I guess if you always get to use a puffer. That's ableist of you.

Yeah, that's true. You're right. I apologize. I of you. Yeah, that's true. You're right. I apologize. I have asthma. Yeah? But it's so minimal. I have my puffer, and it stresses me out, so I don't use it. But I probably should once in a while.

Yeah, I've started carrying mine around more because I find Vancouver's very bad for asthma because it's mold. Yeah. And like. Hills. Yeah, hills. And then constant like a mold. Yeah. And, and like hills. Yeah. Hills. And then constant like pollens. And yeah. And then when it was cold this week,

Oh, cold is so bad for it. Holy shit. It was coughing all over the place. It was good though. Yeah. Having that cold air going. Oh,

it is good. It is. It's like breathing a mint. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. But like breathing a mint,

it leads you to a lot of coughing yeah yeah yeah oh I should have sucked on it instead of crushing up an Altoid and snorting it you've done some directing which I'm very interested in hearing because i'm i'm just fascinated by how does somebody direct something it's fun directing commercials yeah

and they're like all comedic commercials it's it's really fun it's cool to like see all the parts come together and uh have an idea and then get to see what you know after like the idea is always different at the end very different sometimes but things change along the way and it's fun to see all like the the the moving parts yeah how they morph as you keep going and then collaborating with like people who are really good at different stuff is there any, are there any examples we can check out? If you go to kiddofilms.ca, I have like a director tab on there and my spots are up there. Nice. Check them out. Let's pull them up.

Let's go frame by frame through these bad boys. We had to know this was coming. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I don't know why i didn't expect it no these look good i saw somebody maybe they're all in color yeah these are talkies there's sound in all of them oh wow all the way through um and these are added together not just one shot oh yeah hmm whatever director decides to do that i I bet you everybody on the movie is like, oh, shit. I'll be honest.

This website isn't, it's not mobile friendly. Mobile friendly? Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's a lot of videos on one page. All right. Well, these look good. Thank you. Nice.

Nice and done. All right. Well, these look good. Thank you. Nice. Nice and done. I was watching, I think it was Bradley Cooper who was saying, like, actors are the best directors. Because, like, that's who you're talking to.

Because that's what I am. That's coming from him, though, yeah. And I'm the best actor. So I must be the best director. Have you seen me pretend to be drunk? I directed myself in that. Didn't he direct Star is Born? I think he's pretended to be drunk in a lot of films. Yeah, that's true.

The whole Hangover series was a... Well, that's the day after. And then Silver Linings. I never saw Silver Linings playbook, but is he an alcoholic in that? He's something. That's ableist of you. He's actually. Not watching the movie.

He actually has asthma. Yeah. I know he. I know he wears a garbage bag. That's what I know about that movie. I do that too whenever I'm trying to make weight. Yeah. Garbage can.

Garbage can. Like Oscar. I do it when I try to make weight. Yeah, yeah. Garbage can. Like Oscar. I do it when I try to gain weight. Yeah? Yeah. How come? Because I can hold more snacks in it. Can root around pretty deep in there.

But yeah, are you... Are you sort of a Bradley Cooper type of snack? Yeah, would you say? Yeah. I don't know what I am. What am I am i what do you like i'm a collaborative person okay that's what it is i think uh yeah we've both auditioned for comedic commercials and i think you need to be collaborative because there is no script yeah exactly they're like yeah exactly guys chatting uh by the water cooler and go. Can you make your face look big?

Can you give this guy a look? Can you make your face look big? I don't know. Can you? I'm trying to think of things I've been asked in commercials. Yeah, it's like when I used to work as like a PA or grip on commercials, I feel like there was two schools collaborative or somebody who like walked in the door and was like, I'm in charge of all of you. So shut the fuck up. Today is my day.

Yeah. That is. Yeah. Because you don't really know them. Yeah. It's like. They're so important today. A substitute.

It's their special day. It's like one in 10 substitutes really know them. Yeah. They're so important today. A substitute. It's their special day. It's like one in ten substitutes was that way. Yes. Yeah. But the other nine, oh, I loved them. Yeah. What was your favorite thing to do to kind of mess around with the subs? Oh, I didn't do that.

It was just like, I didn't get the prankiness of having a substitute. No? It's like, let's just get through this. They're not going to, they can't get us in trouble, but like. We all got homes we want to go home to. Dave Elhorn would go and blow his nose every couple of minutes at the front of the class. He'd take a Kleenex off the teacher's desk and blow his nose like about 50 times in one class

and it made me laugh oh I laughed was he doing it dry by the end I guess he was doing it he was doing it he was just like he was making that noise

oh that's a cool little I don't know what it does but I like that kind of a prank it does nothing no yeah it doesn't hurt anybody but it just makes the teacher

be like you need to go to the hospital no no I'll just keep blowing i think there was like some uh roll call uh shenanigans yeah for sure yeah and then one of us one time we it was science class so it must have been grade eight it wasn't specific yet but me and my friend pretended to be each other but then she got kicked out of the class and sent to another room for being bad and i was like well shit now i have to get kicked out too because if the teacher finds out and says because we look nothing alike so if the teacher found out that then then she then then we would like really be in trouble so i was like the less trouble would

be if we're both just kicked out and forced to be in this other room and go to detention so i think i was just like banging on the table the whole time trying to get kicked out and finally she got me into that other room yeah i was like perfect the perfect crime to be in like 25 trouble yeah yeah we've cranked that down from 50 i think down to 25 we We're good. You can live with this. That teacher didn't like it.

It would have been cool if your, um, if your friend got kicked out of class and came back with

a Boston accent. Take me back. Yeah. How did that happen? Um, yeah, I,

uh, I didn't get in a lot of trouble in school by teachers but uh i could see it i could see the the appeal there was one guy oh man this guy brody he was the best he would especially when subs would come around oh he gave it to them he would he would talk back so much it was every every time you were in class with him was the best. He was the coolest. He was the coolest guy, but just like teachers couldn't,

they couldn't reign him in this kid. Do you, you had, you had substitutes who were the brothers of, uh, bread, the hit man, hard foundation.

Oh yeah. They were all wrestlers at some point. Then they split off into wrestlers, firemen and teachers. Wow. So occasionally the teacher would come in. There was one that liked me, one that hated me. One that hated me, I would bring my Bret the Hitman Hart doll and put it on my desk.

As a voodoo doll. Yeah, as a voodoo doll. I'm like, you're next. How was it? Like Ironclaw? Was school like Ironclaw? It iron it was like iron claw yes um but yeah he uh uh he would make me do push-ups in front of the rest of the class as my punishment for for sassing put your uh inhaler at the on the floor so you had to do a push-up to suck it suckle on it falls out you suck your inhaler a little bit graham

i remember we had there were two substitutes i remember who had like a reputation who had like not even a reputation like a signature that made the kids remember them and what was it one was there was a uh substitute named madam peacock this is This is great. Who came to Clyde with a peacock feather. Really? Really? That rules. That is so cool. She's like a clue character.

That's awesome. Can you name all the clue characters? Nope. And then there was a guy, he was Australian. His name was Bob Moss. And he had his own And he had his own game he invented for gym class. Moss ball.

What? What was moss ball? Do you remember the rules? It was something about like dodgeball and you had to run from one end. It was kind of like a cross between maybe dodgeball and cricket. Okay. One person would be up at a time, and you roll the ball to them, they kicked it,

and then you had to run to one end of the gym and back without being hit by the ball. Oh, shit. That sounds like a fun game. That sounds really good. That is so smart for a sub to do, to teach a new game where you get to hit each other. That's so smart.

That would get somebody like me to actually pay attention. Yeah. that's so smart that would get somebody like me to actually pay attention yeah and then i remember he came on a he came on a um field trip with us in the spring and it was like really hot out and uh someone said they were getting sweaty and they said no no no he said uh men perspire oh no he said horses sweat men perspire women glow well that really does boil it down yeah horses sir what about non-binary people well we'll put them in the horse column i guess oh man yeah i uh there was did you have a teacher that was so checked out that they were just putting in time until they get...

Teachers get a pension, right? Is that part of being a teacher? I guess. No idea. Oh, yeah. Well, I know that college people get a pension. Yeah. So teachers must as well, right?

I wonder. I don't know. I don't know what the deal is now, but I know that, like, teachers used to be able to buy a house in this city. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, teachers, I mean, obviously,

criminally underfunded, but I feel like I had a couple teachers that were just waiting out the clock. Oh, yeah. Who were like, eh, you know, every other class is a video.

Totally. Yeah. Writing, just getting you to write your thoughts on stuff. That's come on. Yeah. There's a big check Mark at the bottom of it. You didn't read my thoughts.

You'd be concerned. Yeah. Sir, this is math class. read my thoughts. You'd be concerned. Yeah. Sir, this is math class. Write your thoughts. Show your work. Oh, show your work. Oh, that sucked so much. Well, I,

my kids have, Margo's in grade four, and this is the first year she really has homework. I gotta tell you, it sucks. Yeah, homework sucks. Always has sucked. It's also expecting that you have an environment at home

that is conducive to quietly working on things. Yeah. I did not. We don't. And also homes got television and computer and also phone. Danger maybe. Yeah, some sort of danger. I think that's a big thing.

Our family is a big. I'm anti-homework. Yeah, that's a big thing. Our family is... I'm anti-homework. Yeah, we're a big trapeze family, so there's always danger. The flying Willendas. Yeah. We had to have the second floor taken out to have swinging happening. But Abby won't join. She silks.

She only does silk. Yeah, like Pink. Yeah, exactly. Does Pink do silk? She does. Pink does silk. She silks. She only does silks. Yeah, like Pink. Yeah, exactly. Does Pink do silks? Pink does silks. Oh, cool. She does more silks than any other celebrity, I would say. I don't know who would be the number two celebrity that does silks.

Have you heard, what was the Pink song that came out last year that was so, my brain couldn't handle it because of the logic of the line? It was like a double negative in it oh god find me that song i ain't not at the party yeah it was that kind of thing sounds like a country song yeah we're never not oh yeah i'm never gonna not dance again what's the name of it i'm never gonna not dance again. I'm never going to not dance again. Never. Okay. Yeah. That is, that does take a second to formulate.

Yeah. And then the, I don't know what the verses are, but I think it would be great if there was a lot of like, and I will always not. Whatever. Like, or just like, you know, you know how pink is the way she plays with language. Yeah. Write your thoughts about it. We had to teach her Aaron and Aaron Reed and I

past guest Aaron Reed and I. The real life Gorman. Yeah. Or he's Aaron. You're Gorman. Yeah.

That'd be a real flip. Whoa. That would be a flip. I'd have to stand. I don't know if I'd like it.

Fair enough. Yeah. Gorman gets to sit. Yeah. Is sitting part of the costume? I've made it part of the costume. Nice. That's how I get in have to stand i don't know if i'd like it fair enough yeah gorman gets to sit yeah is sitting part of the costume um i've made it part of the costume nice that's how i get in character sit down and breathe heavily i remember one time i put right before the show graham you were on this so for the people listening gorman is an alien who lives with past guest Aaron Reed. Yeah. And they do a live show together

where Aaron must entertain Gordman. Yeah. By bringing up stand-up comedians. Yeah. And then Gordman brings his own guests, which are a bunch of freaks and aliens. Or this weird little Lotties that come up. And then we show a five five minute video that we've cut

together of spiders walking on denim to techno or something that was in the last one that's why this show rules and one time graham yes one time so one time right before the show i was like you know what the it's a latex mask the alien mask we took a mummy mask we flipped it inside out and then aaron painted it green and then so that's the mask I put on my head and it's a full all around mask. But we cut the hole for the mouth bigger. And I was like, it's not real enough because you can see my mouth. So I took a, like a nylon, black nylon, and I put it on the inside of the mask. And right before the show, I super glued it all on the inside.

And the only other hole in there are like tiny little eye holes and then two little slits for the nose. And, of course, I poisoned myself. And as the show continued, I lost my voice and I started like hacking. And Graham was like, take the mask off. Just take it off. I was like, it's not going to be real if I take it off. He's like, take the mask off. Just take it off. I was like, it's not going to be real if I take it off. He's like,

just take it off. And then you brought me up some, um, sepical. Yeah. And some water, which is very generous. Yeah.

Water was also key. Yeah. It breaks the fourth wall. I can't, I can only suck it through the nylon. I feel like we got on this because you were about to say something about Aaron. Oh, yeah.

In school, Aaron and I, we were in the same English class and he was a much better student than I was, but he just didn't care anymore. So he went into regular English class and our teacher, she was like maybe five years older than us. Like, I don't know.

She was like quite young and she did a lot of that like writing your experiences or how you're feeling about like she's just running out of the clock

as a 23 year old yeah and then she'd be like you gotta check out The Roxy the moment you become old enough you gotta get

The Roxy yeah she just kept talking about The Roxy you gotta check it out oh wow it's a great place to dance it's a great place now for anyone

you guys like dancing? for anyone not from here the Roxy how would you describe the Roxy? whenever I first came here

people said they classified it as a meat market oh yeah you go and you know everybody's like dressed clubby

and you know drunk and kind of hooking up it's sort of the biggest club that's been around forever. Like a big, dirty club. It's got its place. You're probably going to see hockey players there.

Oh, yeah. It's a bit bridge and tunnel. People make a weekend of it. But like Friday and Saturday night, huge line in front of the Roxy. It can be really fun if you're like 19 or something. I think I've only been there once. Yeah. I've only been there once. Yeah, I haven't been there,

but I'm planning to start going. Why? What have you heard about it? Just to buy some drinks for people. I just heard it's a me market. And I love me. I love that you had a teacher who was like, as soon as you get old enough,

you know what? I'll give you a fake ID. Let's go to the wrong seat. Yeah, I want to go tonight. Tuesday to the wrong seat. Leave your glasses at home. Yeah, no nerds. The doorman won't let you in if you're a nerd.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, as we were recording last week's episode the snow began a falling yes the weather outside became frightful and as I bid you adieu it was a real blizzard and I could go for a blizzard

I just didn't know about that did you work at a Dairy Queen I absolutely did. Yeah, I remember that about you. What does that mean? Just for a long time. It was very formative. How long?

I think like three or four years. Wow. Okay. So you really put in your time. Oh, yeah. This was during school or post-school? This was during high school, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, first real job. Wow. So you'd have to do school all day then homework then also have a job well that's why i didn't do the homework i worked full time at dairy queen i think at night looking back i was like i worked four or five shifts a week that's oh yeah sometimes you would be in gym class and you you would run to dairy queen do turn upside down make a couple mr misty's for six bucks an hour which like back then wasn't enough yeah anyway sorry dave you were but now it is six bucks an hour is now it's weird that the economy has gone that way but i love it it's great yeah um i uh yeah it was just, it got very cold. Yeah. Minus 12-ish for about five or six days.

How did you guys like it? I'm not going to lie. Outside of the asthma, loved it. Yeah. Yeah. Loved it, but because I didn't have to drive anywhere. If I had to drive somewhere, I would have hated it so much. That first day, the driving was a little hairy, but then it got, it's fine.

Yeah. But man, that first day, watching all the videos and people careening into one another. There's one where a woman jumped out of her car. What? Just let it like ghost ride the whip down the hill. Whoa. So is she for fun? No.

Or for scare? For scare. She's like, my car's out of control. I better get out of it. Yeah, she just jumped out of it. Whoa. And then it just went down a hill and uh she'd be bad in a fight or would she be the best because she was able to bail out of a car just run away which is a good thing in a fight yeah that's fair

okay yeah that's when that's when you know you're gonna fight we just run away it's like when krang is fighting against the ninja turtles and then the brain hops out he's like when Krang is fighting against the Ninja Turtles and then the brain hops out. He's like, I'm getting my ass kicked here. Why do they keep kicking my robot stomach? So, yeah, that's one of the highlights. Your thumbs down for it is the asthma. Yeah. And the thumbs up is sweaters. Sweaters and just like when you're inside and it's super snowy outside.

Perfect. Yeah. It is beautiful to look at. Yeah. As long as you don't have to commute anywhere, you're good. You're good. But man, oh man, driving. Because a lot of people have to, they have to drive to get to work.

So. Yeah. And like, you're supposed to drive super slow and people haven't got that message. No way. Year in, year out, people have not got that message. People here are, I mean, I don't know if this is boring to say but people are like the worst drivers i've ever experienced here right now yeah almost every single time i'm crossing a street or i'll get i'll almost get hit i'll almost get clipped not very often do they go

right for me yeah and then getting clipped everyone gets a little bit clipped. Not very often do they go right for me. Yeah. And then slip down. They're getting clipped. Everyone gets a little bit clipped sometimes. You got it. Just the hazard of walking around in the city. I can't imagine being clipped. That sounds terrible. Have you been clipped?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've been clipped. Oh, yeah. I'm just on the side. Just like that guy with the bat. Or just being hit by a mirror or whatever. Yeah.

That guy with a bat? Oh, wait. That was before we were recording, wasn't it? Yeah. Well, I was thinking of like a baseball bat. Oh, yeah. No yeah that guy with a bat oh wait that was before we were recording wasn't it yeah well i was thinking of like a baseball bat but no oh yeah no that guy um we uh but like multiple times you've been just like clipped by a car yeah but it's like light it's like you know when it doesn't do any damage it's more clothing based that's happened before because you can hop out of the way enough and they're they're thinking i think they're thinking in their brain well i'm not going to hit them i'm just going to miss them

which is not legal i think it's nice that you're giving them the uh the thought that they are thinking anything in their brain about you do they keep driving so actually right really close to here the other night um i almost got like i was in the middle of the crosswalk and someone came right at me and that doesn't happen very often like and i had to like leap out of the way to not get hit um and then they stopped right after and i think they had a moment i assume they had a moment of of like oh wow i almost just really hurt someone and then they just slowly creeped forward and then stopped again. And then I looked at them

and then I just started walking. And once I started walking, they went away. So I feel like that's the most I can get out of someone. Because like I, if I hear like a pebble hit the side of my car, I'm like, oh, what did I do? What did I hit? Like, so the fact that you see, you know, someone gets a knuckle or something.

Like, I don't know exactly what you mean by a clothing based clip it's a swish a swish you just missed me man are you in a crosswalk at these times yeah okay almost or like yeah i guess across jaywalkers yeah that's your own thing well i it freaks me out because you can you can see in someone's eye when because you can you can see in someone's eye when you're driving you can see in someone's eyes that they're like timing what cars they're gonna weave through and they're not like they they are intending to just miss you yeah and i've i've unless i see eyes then i assume they don't know that i'm there especially if they're trying to make a left oh my god yeah i was one time a guy like same clip me and I gave him the finger and he like stopped and then started yelling at me.

What? He was like, I wasn't going to hit you. And I was like, how the fuck do I know you weren't going to hit me? Yeah. Yeah. It was a really weird thing to do. That's why I think that's what they're thinking. They're like, well, I got this.

I don't have to worry about it. Yeah. What do you mean he clipped you? Same. Like I was, I was walking. this i don't have to worry about it yeah what do you mean he clipped you same like i was i was walking i was walked past his car and he like gunned it and like caught my coat and i gave him the finger and then he like stopped across the street and came over and started yelling at me but he said you should have said you did hit me yeah yeah and he would have said, but you have such a big coat. I clipped you.

It's more of a cape. Anyway, my, well, I do love cozy times. I've been having the fireplace going. Oh, nice. That's nice. My big winter thumbs down is walking the dogs. Yes. Do they love it?

No. Do they love the snow? They like the snow, but they don't like the, uh, streets covered in salt. Yeah. Oh, right.

Somebody told me that the, like, modern, the ice melt is better for their paws than just regular old rock salt. I don't know. There's like, there's now you can get, basically it's kitty litter.

Right. That's like the dog friendly, um, uh, ice stuff. It doesn't really like the dog friendly, um, uh, ice stuff. It doesn't really melt the ice, but it just makes them grit. I think.

Yeah. Yeah. And it, um, uh, but it also like stays until the spring. It doesn't, uh,

it doesn't melt at any point. Yeah. It's like the streets. Now it's going to snow again tomorrow. Yeah. It's going to be really rough tomorrow yeah I'm not going anywhere yeah

no matter what but like what could possibly come up last minute wedding yeah what's worth it transmit that

organ that I've been asked I've put that off so many weeks in a row you've been asked to transport an organ that I've been asked. I've put that off so many weeks in a row. You've been asked? Yeah, to transport an organ. Transport it.

Oh, is it just in your fridge right now? Yes, in my fridge right now. It's good. I keep almost accidentally throwing it out. But yeah, I'm not going anywhere. Don't have to. Not gonna. Okay.

But I'm going to enjoy it from the inside. Look at it. So beautiful. Look at that woman have to. Not gonna. Okay. But I'm going to enjoy it from the inside. Look at it. So beautiful. Look at that woman jumping out of a car. Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing is because people who've never been to Vancouver may not know. We don't get a ton of snow here.

So when it does come, we are not prepared for it. It comes more and more though. Yeah. That's true. And their plan is, we're just never going to be prepared for it. It comes more and more, though. Yeah, that's true. And their plan is, we're just never going to be prepared for it. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. They're out there.

There's a truck that sprays salt water, right? Yeah. I mean, they have trucks, but it's like the buses skid all over the place. Yeah. Because our buses are also connected on wires, and those wires get all crazy, covered in snow and ice. No, it's good. It's good for everybody. It's fine.

It's fine and good. Anyway, that's what's going on with me. I'm loving the winter. What about you, my friend? Well, lately I've been trying to do more stand-up because I realized how much I missed it. So I'm doing more stand-up. One of the effects of doing stand-up, you have to go out of your house. You have to leave your house at night.

Sometimes if a show starts at 9, I'm like, I should be putting a cap on today. At 9 o'clock, I wouldn't even watch a movie that's an hour and a half long starting at nine. That's what my thing when I kind of stopped doing stand-up was like, I couldn't relate to the audiences just because I couldn't.

Why are you going out of this? Like, who? You just went to a comedy club on a weekend not knowing you'd see me? Like, I don't... I can't relate to you yeah i remember even um uh doug stanhope on one of his albums asked the audience they were like

who tonight is here for me decent amount of applause uh who tonight just showed up for any asshole behind a microphone majority of the crowd this was a recording of his um but yeah so you have to go out you have to go out at night so you kind of have to pace yourself uh you know if you can grab a nap in the middle of the afternoon that'll kind of get you through a bit coffee at five o'clock and then but this the the one set that I had for the week was the day of that blizzard. But, and I assumed I was like, the show's going to be canceled.

Nope. It is not going to be canceled. When we say blizzard, there was one centimeter of snow, but it was blowing sideways. And it did turn to ice within an hour and a half. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. The roads were impassable. And I was, I was like, okay, I'm going to, I'll walk.

Cause it's walking distance i'll walk um it'll be nice because it's kind of cool air and fun and so i go down to a street broadway big thoroughfare broadway big construction on broadway so one side you can't walk on the sidewalk at all it is vanished it's no longer there and the other side is about like let's say 36 inches wide and it's like that forever so i was walking i was like this is great there's nobody in front of me guy walks out of the store oh shit now there's a guy in front of me can't get around him oh yeah so it's just me and him for blocks and blocks and blocks. Cause what do you,

what do you do in that sort of stat? Oh, you may. I think you got an oil mate in you. You'd get out of your way. And you're not like, was he, were you,

was he slowing you down majorly? No, we were on the similar pace. That was the thing. I'd have to go quick. But yeah, I wasn't so far behind him. We really would be like we were walking together. Like me, just a couple steps behind. I remember

when I took sociology in college, it was just like sociology 100 and the first day the teacher was like, does anyone even know what sociology is applaud if you don't know what sociology is and one of the things she described was like uh there's like sociological phenomena are things like you get in an elevator everyone turns and faces the same way yeah it doesn't talk yeah yeah or when you're walking on a sidewalk and someone is

close to you someone will adjust their speed yes yeah so if i'm if somebody's walking right up behind me i'll just stop and let them pass i don't I'm not interested in being harassed in that manner. Yeah. But, I got to the show and it's, it's one of the things that happens on a snowy day.

It's kind of, it's in its own way magical. There was only like eight people there. How those eight people got there? No idea. I have no idea.

Everybody else like called in and got refunds. But these eight people were there and it was, did you ever have, like, do you ever live close enough to your school that you showed up and there was only like 15 other kids that showed up and your teacher was just like well, this is it. It's a pro day, I guess.

And we're just going to sit around and watch videos all the time. Because not enough kids showed up for this to be school. So it felt like that. It felt like, oh, okay, it's a snow day. Everybody else has stayed home. You guys just decided to brave it. They were good, but eight people good. Some of the people on the show, I think,

hadn't played for a crowd that small. Lucky them. Yeah, no shit. I know. That's what I was like. Oh, pardon me. Well. I'm sorry I've only played sold out arenas in my day that school thing is yeah I remember there were there were weird one time in high school it was a friday and it was like during lunch hour the power went off oh and it was like

yeah 12 15 and classes started up again at one but they're like students just started walking through the halls like yeah they're canceling school go home right i didn't believe it but everyone started leaving and it was like there's 45 more minutes before class starts thinking power could still come back on but no the principal was like go home well they don't want to be there either yeah you think the principal's like oh man can we please get the last half of this friday going can we get a generator in here do you think the principal hates school the principal loves it i think anybody with a job would rather be home well that's not true that's that's a that's a pretty pessimistic look at the world but like a job where

you're like could i have the next three hours to just go home and then have a weekend because i get real weekends yeah or could i just like sit around and deal with stuff the next three hours to just go home and then have a weekend? Cause I get real weekends. Yeah. Or could I just like sit around and deal with stuff for another three hours? I feel like it's so small. What if you were allowed to eat chips at school? You're allowed to eat chips at school and you don't have to, you can take your like pants off. Yeah.

The principal can take his pants off and eat chips. Put on comfy pants. Yeah. Play games on their phone we're gonna do a pajama afternoon everyone but yeah I always liked those days because you weren't working or anything but there was enough people there to make it fun

that's what it was like at this show and then I was just like you guys this is like the breakfast club. We'll never see each other again. This is special. We got to have this together as a crowd. And then walked home.

Nobody in front of me this time. Living the life, just getting to walk home. And I mean, Vancouver about like 10, 1030. Nobody's out. Silent. You got the whole city to yourself. Unless you're at the Roxy. up. Silent. You got the whole city to yourself. Unless you're at the Roxy.

Yeah. Yeah, the whole city is like an abandoned wasteland except that the Roxy is still cranking up. It kind of is. Yeah, totally. Like, I remember I once needed to go to Home Depot on a Sunday

and it was 8 o'clock at night and they were like, sorry, closed. Yeah, closed. Yeah. Yeah. That's the, I mean like the places that are open till midnight are like shoppers drug mart. Some bars are only open to then some bars are open to like to Boston pizza, Boston pizza. You can find a Boston pizza before 12. Absolutely.

Um, yeah, that, Oh, Boston pizzas. Those really save your life Pizza before 12. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, Boston Pizzas. Those really save your life when you're in a new town. Grocery stores are usually open until midnight. Yeah, I guess some are. Like a save on. Yeah. It's a real weird hour to go shopping at a grocery store.

Like if you're just getting one thing, but like I see people like doing their big shop and it's like 11 o'clock at night. Yeah. But maybe they work till that time. I mean, that's also shop and it's like 11 o'clock at night. Yeah. But maybe they work till that time. I mean, that's also great. There's like. Almost no line. There's no lines.

Hmm. I wonder if the people at the grocery store think it's fun to be like, Hey, it's just us. Well, if the power went off, they'd probably go home. We cut out the last three hours.

There was, I remember in like grade nine, there was a huge teacher's strike and a bunch of kids from all other schools were going to walk out, walk out of class. I love that. I did this. Yeah. And it was such a push and pull. You're like, there's enough people to do it that we can't get all detention but i i really do want to leave oh yeah like i'll just go home i don't care uh to march downtown it's a long way oh yeah if you actually have to then participate in a march oh yeah okay you don't just get to leave no okay and then also like

the principle is like if you're planning on going go now but you'd be back before that experience and i think i think not a lot of kids followed that that instruction nerds nerds came back finally it's over i don't really get the we're walking out because there's going to be a strike. Or there was a strike. There was a strike. And it was a show of solidarity. But the schools were still open? Yeah.

Oh, okay. It was like in the middle of the day. It was like at 11 o'clock. We're all going to march out. But you, so you still had to go to school during a strike? Yeah. Well, this was, what do they call it? Like a half or like the necessary services. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. we still had to go to school during a strike. Uh, yeah, well, this was, um, what are they called? Uh,

like a half or like the necessary services. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Work to rule. I think it was called. So it was the first day of that. And kids were like,

we're walking out. And, Oh, we had so many strikes when I was a kid. It was the best. Like we went on for weeks. Yeah. Yeah.

Strike like, Oh man, especially in the winter, lots of ice skating possibilities. I remember in grade seven, we were supposed to go on this, yeah. Strike, like, oh man, especially in the winter, lots of ice skating possibilities. I remember in grade seven we were supposed to go on this like, our class like,

graduating from elementary school reward was we were supposed to go on this like, week-long bike trek with our class.

What? That sounds pretty fun. Yeah. And then the strike happened and our teachers were like, it's not going to happen. Wow.

How about we just go overnight to Splashdown Waterpark? And we were like, yes. So much better. I do like a teacher bribing kids with a trip to a water slide park. Like, I'm sorry, it's the best we can do. And I was like, it's so much better than having a bike for a week in nature. Yeah. Yeah.

I, uh, I think you could really bribe kids to do quite well at school. If you said top, top of the class gets to go to the water slide. Yeah. Bottom of the class, you know what you did. Just one kid gets to go to the water. Whoever's in the top percentile, you know, whoever's got like an 80 to 100, then everybody else, you got to stay,

you got to do the work that they are doing that they're not doing while you're gone. I mean, that would really motivate it. But the kids in the bottom of the class probably aren't doing the work anyway. I was going to say, they'll just skip. Trust me. I never skipped, class probably aren't doing the work anyway. Yeah, I was going to say, they'll just skip. Trust me. I never skipped, but I didn't do any work.

Skipped in class. Didn't get into it until high school, but boy, oh boy, was it. No one got into it in elementary. Oh, I guess you had junior high. We had junior high, but too scared to go in junior high. Whoa. But felt like we could pull it off in high school because we're like old enough looking that like, you know, cops would be like, why the hell are you in school right now? Which I was afraid was the thing that happened.

It's never happened to anybody in the history of skipping school. Cops don't have anything better to do. Maybe if you have like open liquor. Yeah. If you're drinking at an arcade or at a food court. Yeah. If you're drinking at an arcade or at a food court. Yeah. I remember like that feeling of, of like,

if you were out of class for some reason, like you had a dentist appointment, like the city felt so weird at 11 o'clock in the morning. Yes. It's like, what, what do people do here when they're, when we're all in school? Yeah,

that's it. That is true. I remember going and like, I don't know if you felt like, ah, I'm going to miss a whole thing, and then I'm going to not know what the homework thing is going to be. Just going to get my teeth cleaned.

Fuck. Which is, you need to get your teeth cleaned. But then that stayed with me into adulthood, where I'm like, wow, the city's so weird at 11 o'clock in the morning. No, you're right, it is. It's also like when you're like, grocery stores open during the day, you're like, It is. It's also like when you're like grocery stores open during the day. You're like, well, who's shopping there? Everybody's in school or at work.

Who's shopping there? It's fun. Yeah, it is fun. It's a treat. Yeah. Being at home. Graham's never heard of a housewife, apparently. Thank you, Dave.

Yes. Or a house husband. Yeah, yeah, Dave. Yes. Or a house husband. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Housewives glow, house husbands perspire. And as we established, horses sweat. House horses sweat. Do you guys want to move on to some overheards? No.

No? Let's go to some business instead. That's right. Yeah. Oh, hi, everybody. This is a time in the show that sometimes occurs, and it's always a joy when it does. It's a jumbotron. Yeah, and there's nothing to be embarrassed about when this occurs.

It occurs naturally to anyone. That's right. And don't be freaking out. We're here for you. to anyone. That's right. And don't be freaking out. We're here for you. And what happens is it'll be somebody is sending a message to a loved one or somebody that they're

in a fun competition with or... Yeah. Like a sort of a rival. Yeah. Kind of like not an enemy, but kind of like somebody who pushes you. Yeah. Yes, exactly. So we get some from like Stefan Edberg would send some to Yvonne Lendl.

Certainly Monica Zales was sending one to Steffi Graf. And that's all happened on our show. This particular Jumbotron is for Adrian from Kram. That's K-R-A-M from Kram. And the message goes like this. Happy birthday, Pickle. I hope you have slash had a great birthday and a fun vacation. I'm sure that this year will be your best yet.

I love you very much, and I'm so glad you've decided to spend your life with me. By the way, you really need to send in your overheard from the Louvre. Oh, come on, please. If you have one from the Louvre, it's only right. You send it in. Well, yeah, happy birthday. And say hi to the Mona Lisa for us. If anyone out there would like a Jumbotron message read,

head over to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. And should we mosey back to the show let's the eurovision song contest hundreds of millions of people watch it every year it played a part in a democratic revolution in portugal it introduced the world to river dance and it launched celine dion's career but you might have never watched it it's got so much history and so many storylines that it can feel overwhelming to get into. Mm-hmm. It's like a real

Housewives season, but everyone's a better singer. Well, sometimes. But that's where we come in. I'm Dimitri Pompei. I'm Oscar Montoya. And I'm Jeremy Bent,

and we're the hosts of Eurovangelists. If you're new to Eurovision, we'll tell you everything you need to know to start enjoying the world's most important song competition.

And if you're already a fan, we'll dive deep on its wildest moments, like when Ireland sends a turkey puppet to sing for them. You're evangelists. New episodes every Thursday. On MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Jordan Cruciola, host of Feeling Seen, where we start by asking our guests just one question. What movie character made you feel seen? I knew exactly what it was. Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Choi Wang slash Jabu Tupaki. That one question launches amazing conversations about their lives, the movies they love, and about the past, present, and future of entertainment. Roy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I worry about what this might say about me, but I've brought Tracy Flick in the film Election.

So if you like movies, diverse perspectives, and great conversations, check us out. Oof, this is real. New episodes of Feeling Scene drop every week on MaximumFun.org. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where you got them, we want them. And we always like to start with the guest.

Christine, do you have an overheard? I do. Okay, so I was in a vegetarian burrito place in town. Oh, okay. And the people in front of me were chatting. And one of them went, I hate room temperature yoga. and the people in front of me were chatting, and one of them went, I hate room temperature yoga.

And they just walked away. No response. Yeah. I mean, I guess they like hot. I guess they like hot. Or what about if there's cold yoga? Oh, I would do cold yoga. I would do cold yoga too. What about the idea that they just hate yoga?

Like I hate room temperature yoga. It sucks. I've never done hot. No, me neither. I did it once and it really lowered my blood pressure. Oh, I never did it again.

Oh, not in a good way, a bad way. No. Yeah. I was just sweating so much and I. Not in a good way, a bad way. No, yeah. I was just sweating so much and I guess I didn't eat enough salt that day or something.

So I just walked out of the room and sat in the hallway. And you know when you put your head in your hands for a health reason, not because you're stressed out, but you look depressed.

I think that I did that for quite a while and someone came over to check on me emotionally. We've got a salt lick you can wow yeah i guess i've never thought of like i know everything that they recommend to lower your blood blood pressure i never expect it to work like like an hour of yoga i have low blood pressure generally so i

think that that was part of it too too low? Yeah, they said, the cardiologist said, eat more salt. Really? And I said, thank you, sir. Thank you, doctor. Off I go to the pretzel expert. Yeah, what have you been doing? How have you been doing your... I thought I was putting too much on already.

Is it just you just, everything you like? What's your favorite salty snack? My favorite salty snack? Probably a soft pretzel from the place in the basement at Metrotown. Yeah. Mall. They make the best ones. Little Monk pretzel.

The one upstairs is trash, but the one downstairs is really good. I think the one downstairs is the one. Yeah. I had both in one go, and I agree. Yeah. Downstairs, I don't know what they're called. Little Monk. They're called Little Monk. And it's the same family that runs it.

Are they monks? Oh! Well, we didn't take the vow of chastity. We wanted to have a family. But we cut our kids' hair weird. Make the wear brown out. Yeah, we do the fire tuck on everyone here oh man what a great way to live dave do you have an overheard uh mine's an overseen so i i'm on instagram 24 hours a day i love it and And, uh, this, uh, post was fed to me and it was, uh, I, I get a lot of recipes from

Instagram, uh, but this one was looked very weird. Yeah. And it was a, uh, a woman had this video of her making, uh, onions, just onions. Okay. And she said, cut your onions in half and fill a um fill a muffin tin with them so in each muffin slot just put half an onion and then you put a little butter on top cook them at 425 for 20 minutes then take them out brush them with more butter cook put them back in for 40 more minutes then take them out brush them again and put back. And it doesn't say how long to put them in the final time.

But at this point you've been cooking onions for over an hour. Yeah. Your muffin tin is ruined. All your butter's gone. It looked so delicious. Yeah. But I was like, I,

I, I couldn't do that because my house would stink. Yeah. What is, yeah. I wonder what that's like. Is it like a caramelized onion? Yeah. Well, so the comments, so the first comment, uh, on these melted onions, uh,

I was, I literally just clicked on the comments to say, does anyone going to say that this woman's house stinks? And the first comment was who's eating straight up onions and now your house. stinks. And the first comment was, who's eating straight up onions? And now your house stinks. And then the next comment was, the person who runs this page has a lot of patience with these comments. Not a nasty reply to some comments who deserve it. And there's thousands of comments, by the way.

And it's true, because the person running account would, no matter what people would say, they would give like a one word. Ha, yeah, that might be true. That might be true. So that was the second, that was the second comment. And so the third comment I saw was, we cooking for the fucking Grinch? We cooking for the fucking grinch and then the the reply from the from the original poster was haha sure if he likes onions laughing emoji onion emoji yeah there's no grinch emoji that i know of, but wow. And then one of the comments I thought was very funny was, this looks so good.

I bet this tastes like caramelized onions. Yeah. That's exactly what it tastes like. But they're not to just sit down and eat on their own. Yeah, they are. Really? Yeah, well. Oh, if I could just eat a caramelized onion.

All right, let me read the- I love just eating. My Nona would eat an onion like an apple. No. Yeah, that's how I grew up. Wow. Just eating onions. Yeah, I heard.

Good for you. I guess they're good for you, yeah. I don't know. One time I was. Maybe if they're covered in butter, that might be. One time I was interviewing the Lee Zinger of Handsome Furs, and I asked him if he had any cold remedies. And he said, yeah, in Eastern Europe, they told us,

someone said, drink a shot of vodka and bite a raw onion. Really? Oh, bite it? Or like, I'll just chew it and swallow it. Okay, yeah. Huh. Bite it? Or like.

Yeah. Bite it and eat it. Okay. Yeah. Huh. Oh. Um, this actually was, uh,

she, the, the person who posted this called the melted onions. This is the easiest side dish you'll ever make. If you have hours to do. Yeah. Um, I don't know about the easiest.

Yeah. But a lot of people in the comments were like, oh, this is a main dish. This is really. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

This has main character energy written all over it. Wow. I guess if it's the Gr main dish. Really? Yeah. Wow. Okay. This has main character energy written all over it. Wow. I guess if it's the Grinch favorite. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The fucking Grinch. Who's eating this?

That feels like more of a Seuss than a... Oh, wait. Is Grinch Seuss? Yeah. Oh, Grinch is Seuss? Yeah. Grinch is Seuss. That makes sense, I guess.

What are your top five Seusses? Green eggs and ham. Yeah. That's the only one I can think of. And then the ones where they're like, what's it's and who's these? Or what are your top five seusses uh green eggs and ham yeah the only one i can think of and then the ones where they're like what's it's and who's these or what are they what's that one oh with the little oh that's grinch yeah yeah okay yeah wow i'm totally under uh i haven't read enough series. Still time. There was someone else also made the comment, who do you think I am?

Shrek? Nice. Which I felt was derivative of the Grinch comment. But you could also see Shrek. Hell yeah, man. Although Shrek, oh, you know what? Shrek, he is,

he's an onion. He's got layers. It goes into that. Yeah. Man. Oh, man man i just got it uh my overheard comes courtesy of the place i was doing a show at uh called the anza club so the upstairs there's a kind of a theatery space and then downstairs is like a real pubby place it didn't sound like that pub had any trouble bringing in the regulars because it was party time down there oh you were in the

upstairs yeah we were in the upstairs oh man yeah for eight people eight people yeah but downstairs it was like full speed ahead everybody's there everybody's getting trashed and they share a bathroom the upstairs and the downstairs that's cute yeah and uh when i went And when I went in, a guy and I were both, there's only one urinal, so we were both heading to the same urinal. And he backed up and said, have a good time. You know what? You have a good time. I'll use the stall, which is pure

misery. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's the place you go if you want to do pub quiz. Oh, sure. And that's what I want to do. Yeah.

Yeah. Give me, ask me any question. Oh, okay. Um, who wrote the Grinch? Oh,

is that a, that's Robert Ludlum. Yes. Correct. The Grinch identity. The Grinch, the Grinch ultimatum. I guess that's about peeling back layers to find out the core.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess in a lot of ways, everything's an onion. That's true. Now that I think of it. I'm thinking of a Subway sandwich. That's all onion. If you're doing it right. That's what you get.

I'll have the onion surprise. We're going to make it in private. You're going to love it. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. Okay, Graham. Yes. Before we do this.

Okay. Here's a situation. walk into subway yeah the person the sandwich artist says there's been an accident we only have uh the only vegetable we have is onions what do you get bread bread put some cheese on it throw that in the oven bye i would go i would go full i go yeah give me an all onion and cheese you sure can you get meat too yeah what would be a roast beef maybe what would be good with just onions and cheese steak steak yeah okay yeah get their philly cheese steak yeah um yeah yeah okay but i respect cheese and bread as well that's its own amazing thing yeah yeah grilled cheese oh yeah yeah and then you could fold it in the middle yeah that's what a sandwich is absolutely no but i but he wants to fold it again yeah

yeah fold it one way fold it another way so do you want me to cut this into two six inches no fold it yeah and then fold it again. Yeah. It's like three inches on all sides. It's origami. And really thick. So this first one comes from Catherine A. in Halifax, Nova Scotia. This overheard is from New Year's Day 2023 while my friends and I were walking around the Halifax Commons.

A man on one of those rentable scooters passed by someone he must've known. And they said something to him and he, while still scooting, shout out, I can't hear you. I'm going too fast. Yeah. The wind in your ears,

man. Oh man. I, when I like, first of all, those scooters on the sidewalk, I hate it. But when I look at them,

like, yeah, it does look like a, like a lot of fun. Yeah. I'd be terrible at it. I'd break my leg, but it looks like they're having a good time.

Yeah. Um, did this person say that it was from new year's day, 2023? So is this a year late or. I think this is a year. Yeah. Okay.

I'm just, I'm still writing 2023 on my overheads. Uh, now we've, we've got another one from Person Unknown. I can't. Hey. I don't know this person didn't put their name so this is somebody from outside of New Market

Ontario I was at a tree treetop trekking park in the evening this summer you climb around on ropes and obstacles in the forest trekking not trucking trekking yes there was a mom there with her tween kid

and I just heard her yell to him, I don't know why you can't figure out bug spray. You have no problem covering yourself with Axe at home.

It's good to know that's still a thing. Axe? Yeah. Their body wash is great. Really? Oh yeah. I only,

I exclusively use Axe body wash. Really? How come? They have a rosemary and mint. Does it make your skin all tingly? Yeah, and it makes me feel so butch. Swallow.

I assume that that's why everybody sprayed themselves in Axe. I thought it was because the commercials said women would lose their minds and chase you down to get some. Was that not what the ad campaign was? I don't remember. It was, yeah, being chased by women all over the place. Oh, really? Yeah. And then they also made Dove, which was like, hey, take care.

We're taking care of women. Yeah. By women body positivity. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I use zest. You use zest, man? Yeah, I use zest you use zest man

yeah I love zest I do an iris spray I cut out a knife I do it on a waterfall oh that was so satisfying there was a commercial

like that oh really yeah a man would he's showering in a waterfall yeah and he's whittling iris spray oh that's cool

yeah over the like over the top of the waterfall no under the waterfall he's showering in it oh I don't know why

how's he getting it on him if he's is he in it. Oh. I don't know why he's... How's he getting it on him? If he's... Is he whittling atop his head? Like, how's he getting the Irish spring on him? Yeah, it didn't make it... It didn't make it. It just looked cool.

Yeah. They didn't advise you as a product to go do that? Oh, look. I don't know which one of us is a commercial director here. But we're going to go another way. I'll look that up on YouTube. This last one comes from JP from Hamilton,

Ontario. This one's from two years ago. A friend of ours was putting on a one woman show about her life and we took our kids to see it. At one point she says, put your hands up if you have kids. Then she says, now put your hands up if you know how kids are made. And our eight-year-old son promptly raised his hand and said, unfortunately. That's a very specific conversation he's heard.

Wait a minute, I got this. I should do a one-woman show about my life. What would you call it? Oh, boy. It sucks to be uterus. Oh, that's really good. Bad sell tickets just on the name. Yeah.

Boy, I'll be selling out Edinburgh in no time. Yeah. There was one that was all over the Canadian circuit called Dyke Tales, which was a fun. Oh, that's nice. Because every time I saw it, I was like, ooh Canadian circuit called Dyke Tales, which was a fun. Oh, that's. Because every time I saw it, I was like, which I think was on purpose, you know? Yeah. Sucks to be uterus. What about you?

You had a one, one woman show. One woman show. Oh, when I was in grade seven, I called my, we had to write a memoir for ourselves and I called mine the crying clown. And I had a Pagliacci Photo on the front So I think I I guess I'd call it that Pagliacci

Pagliacci Maybe just Pagliacci Pagliacci Sad clown Yeah The Crying Clown Did you hear the guy who plays Crazy Joe DiVola died?

He did? Yeah Oh when? Just recently Really? Yeah He was good He was scary He was scary.

He was scary as that clown. Congratulations to him. He's scary. Yeah. Scary man. Yeah. Rest in peace. Congratulations.

Same thing. Yeah. Who did somebody just passed away the other day that was kind of like, oh, yeah. Oh, it was the woman who played Mrs. Banks in the original Mary Poppins movie. And I always pictured her as being kind of old back then. She's 103 or something. Wow. That's what I got a fever of.

Really? Yeah, check it and see. That's because I got a high blood pressure. Is that it for overheards that's it for overheards in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls

if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one like these people have

trying to figure out this guy's name. The guy who wrote that in? Yeah. What was it? I'm going to find it first. I'm going to find it first. Outside of Newmarket is the.

Was it Fraser A? Yep. Yep. Treetop Trekking. Okay. Nice. My apologies. It was Fraser A who was on the the treetop. Trekking trip.

Ooh. We nailed that alliteration there. Yeah. Okay. Good for me. Okay. Let's do this. No speech therapy needed there.

Unless you just keep making those all day long. Was part of it tongue twisters? I don't even remember what it was. I think it was a lot of saying the same word in a different way. Like trying to like break up the word into little pieces. That's so weird that you had that accent. I think it was a lot of saying the same word in a different way. Trying to break up the word into little pieces. That's so weird that he had that accent. I don't know why. Yeah. Mother Nature, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hi, Dave and Graham and wonderful guests. My wife and her parents were watching the last Harry Potter film when I walked in home from work today,

and my wife pulled me aside to tell me that... okay so he hung up i don't think i've ever heard somebody more in love with their own over and then he called back okay dave gra Graham and a guest who I sure I love. Uh, I, my wife and her parents were walking, walking,

uh, uh, the last Harry Potter film today. And I walked in from work and she pulled me aside, uh, to tell me that when they were watching the scene where they, they're about to bust a dragon out of the bank or whatever. I heard Dad, right before they do that, he says, well, they should, you know, bust this dragon out this bank, you know? And then he pauses for a couple of seconds while the movie's going on.

And he goes, well, that's what Shrek would do. And I was like... Oh, man. That's great. He's an onion, you know? I can't imagine coming home from work and my wife and her parents are watching the last Harry Potter. You guys, I'm going to have to ask you to pitch in here for rent and whatnot. You're just going to be sitting here all day watching Harry Potter.

Well, we put the kids to bed and now we're watching Harry Potter. And did they say get a dragon out of a bank? I haven't, i'm not that far in the books i don't i don't know anything about this uh i don't remember i know the bank is called gringotts oh so it is it's literally a bank oh yeah okay oh not like a snow bank like no no it's it's a bank uh harry potter's got a huge fortune in there he does yeah oh must be nice of wizard money oh wizard money that was's still better than Canadian money. Oh, yeah.

And the bank is, this is, I wonder if it's problematic, but it's some weird looking elf creatures are the bankers. Yes. Well, I've never known her to say anything controversial. All right. Next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and illustrious guests. This is Jeff from the Boston area of Massachusetts. It's where you're from. Pinball arcade. You sound just like him. And I was next to someone who said to his friend, I hate to drop the M word, but man, that chicken breast was so moist.

Off I go. M word? Yeah. What raced through my head? Murder? Is it mole man? Yeah. Is it mud blood?

Of course, the only curse word in the Harry Potter world. Are you really reading it right now? I'm, I, You know a lot. Yeah, I'm on the fifth book now. Oh,

I'm reading it aloud to a child. Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you do a chapter a night or? Maybe about half a chapter

a night. Half a chapter, okay. Takes a while. Because they do, they get, right? They get bigger and bigger.

Oh, they get thick. Hell yeah. Harry Potter's thick. The fifth one is the biggest. Right. And then there's six and seven, which are still also enormous.

Yeah. Right. Lots of description in it? Yeah. Or is there a lot of stuff that happens? I don't know one way. Honestly, they're turning into, like, the fourth one was like a mystery novel

in the way I hate. It was like, oh, you're planting seeds on page 14, fourth one was like a mystery novel in the way i hate i was like oh you're planting seeds in you know on page 14 and it pays off on page 700 yeah right yeah oh boy and uh yeah these new the last couple it's like they don't even get to school but by page 200 really like it's all just like what i did on my summer vacation. Endless show and tell. Yeah.

We went to the Quidditch World Cup. Get ever so bent, Harry. All right, your final phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guests. This is Julie M. from Southern Indiana. I just got out of an evening showing of Mean Girls on opening night. It was full of Gen Z children who were not around

the first time. And the movie was over and I heard one of them say, I feel like a changed person. So, it was pretty good. Wow. Has there ever been a movie that you've walked out of and felt like a changed person where you're like wow that really i think i feel like

what are gen z's how old are gen z's i don't know they won't let me hang out 97 and above maybe that's old i don't know like 97 years old now gen z isn't the gen z isn't the newest one what's the newest one gen alpha yeah gen alpha yeah fuck no jenna elfman she played dharma and dharma and greg she's the newest generation she loves to dance the uh she loves to dance yeah all right yeah her character When I was working at a club, someone requested her to be on List and they were like, she loves to dance.

Really? Wow. Seems like a nice person. Yeah. That show was a nice show. I know my... When both... My brother and myself

moved out of the house, my youngest brother, Patch, watched it every week with my mom. I... It was appointment viewing. I liked it when it was on. She's kooky. She's kooky.

The parents were funny. Yeah, she's a Scientologist. Yeah. Nice outfit. Yeah, she always had a bohemian look.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I wonder how much of that's going to come back. The bohemian look? Yeah. I feel like it's already here.

It's already here, right? Yeah. Gen Z's, I feel like how, if they're like in their early 20s, I feel like that's when I was seeing movies that I was like, this changed my life. Yeah. And yet I've never thought about American beauty since. But every time you see a rose, you get unexplained.

Yeah. Excited. I think it's because I get confused with American pie. I remember going to American Hustle. Is that the one that had like Amy Adams and Christian Bale and stuff in it? I think it's because I get confused with American Pie. I remember going to American Hustle. Is that the one that had like Amy Adams and Christian Bale and stuff in it? I remember leaving that and thinking, it's the only movie I've ever gone to that I should have walked out of.

Oh. I thought it was so bad. Somebody on an award show, I can't remember who it was, said American Hustle about a explosion at a wig factory. It was like watching the improv game Oscar moment. Just like two and a half hours. Is this an improv game where there's like dramatic overacting? You like try to get your Oscar moment where they show show it the clip yeah or whatever you should go see some more improv they play that game yeah that game on most shows still i bet if you request it

they'll do it for you at this point down do the one where i get to be your arm. All right. Okay, then. Get them here. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Christine, you're a director. Where can people see these ads that you directed?

Yeah, if you go to kiddofilms.ca, I have like a director's tab on there. You can check out the ads. Also, I have Instagram at the

only Bortolin. Yes. um yes so yeah and i think i've got like a link in there if you want to check stuff out and if i'm doing a show i'll post but i'm not really on social media much at all how often is uh gorman and aaron i think we're probably going to do one in march that's the that's the goal okay we took some time off because it takes a lot of work there's it's a big show because there takes a lot of work. It's a big show because there's a lot of people involved and it's always like ice or dust or there's always eggs or

feathers or something. Go see that. That one's always full. Yeah, and it's a lot of fun. It's so much fun. Well, thank you for being our guest. Thank you so much for having me. That was so fun. And thank you all out there. You know what? Go to the movies. Might change your life. You have no idea.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximum Fun A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.