Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 83 - Rory Scovel

Episode Date: October 6, 2009

Comedian Rory Scovel joins us to talk about comedy tours, Mexican cinema, and swords.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 83 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is a man who's going to be more jacked up on Red Bull than any raver you're going to meet all week, Mr. Dave Shumka. That's right. Did you... I've never...

Mmm, ah, geez. Jeez. Okay. I don't drink a lot of Red Bull, but I stole two from the Bumbershoot Festival, and I have them in my fridge, and I'm driving today, so I thought, hey, I don't want to drink alcohol, but I would really like to feel something. Yeah? I just want to feel something, like Halle Berry in Monsters, but... Sure.

Is that why she did that? I don't know. Didn't she have sex with Billy Bob and tell her, hey, I want to feel something? I don't know. Anyways. But the pull tab, I never noticed, has a Red Bull logo in the tab itself. Oh, man. Through the looking glass.

They can do anything with dyes these days. They can do anything with dyes these days. And joining us as our guest for the second installment in our three-part comedy festival trilogy, a very funny man, a comedian based out of New York City that travels all over North America, Mr. Rory Scoville. Hello, world. Thanks for coming. Space. And being on the show.

Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. So how's things? Well, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Here we go. Bam. Yeah. Bop-a-dee-boo.

I feel like there should be a jingle. There is a jingle. Oh, okay. Yeah, we slide it in. But your jingle, not bad at all. What if somehow, though, it will match? It will trail with bopity-boo-bop. You nailed it.

Did you listen to the show? You got it on the first try. I listen. I scat. And I listen to the two things I do. Scatting. That's what you're doing up here at the scat festival. I wouldn't be worried about the scat festival. Yeah, well, there would be two

very different contingents would show up for the scat festival Yeah well there would be two very different Contingents would show up for the scat festival Lots of Germans Do you know Hannibal Buress? Yes He has a great I'm not going to say it because I would butcher it And I'd feel weird but he has a great scat joke He's working

Now if I'm not mistaken For Saturday Night Live Yeah I think I know I guess two weeks Two or three weeks maybe a lot longer than that I'm looking now, if I'm not mistaken, for Saturday Night Live. Yeah, I think. Yeah, well, I mean, I know. I guess two weeks, two or three weeks. Maybe a lot longer than that. Yeah.

In like August or something, I think he was picked up to start writing for him. I think he was to come out here to this festival, then canceled because he got... Oh, for that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think is kind of a dicky move. I mean, you did, but we booked the whole thing. Your name was in the program. You're going to pick that show, Saturday Night Live? Yeah, like it's going anywhere?

Like it'll be there next week. The Vancouver Comedy Festival has, there's been so many careers that have come out of it. We've produced so many movies based on the characters from the festival. X vs. Severs was based on so many catchphrases.

The Vancouver Comedy Festival. The movie. Starring Tom Arnold. Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore was here last week. How was that?

Did anybody go see it? I didn't have the occasion. I'm sure people did go see it. Yeah, people went and saw it. Someone went. Yeah. I don't... In my mind, the strange thing was trying to figure out what the...

Like, what is Pauly Shore's demographic? Like, what does that look like as a person? Is that an older person? Is that a younger? Are you serious? Because if it was like a diehard in the heyday Pauly Shore fan, they're older now. We're talking guys with kids going out to sea.

They're digging out their old Don't Wheeze the Juice shirts. I imagine it's a lot of guys in tweed jackets with leather patches, a lot of university professor types. A lot of professor types a lot of pipes the pipe and patches crowd there was a pipe section in the theater i wonder what the uh that is a good question like because because when you think like there's a lot of uh acts comedy and not that when i say it like you're able to probably project that that act audience. Like if I say kiss.

Right. Or the insane clown posse. Right. Or or, you know, you know, Neil Young. Like these are all like you're like, OK, I can picture who's in that audience. But probably sure. I'm like, I'm at I'm at or even people who found tickets. Yeah, I guess., I'm at odds. Or even... People who found tickets. Yeah, I guess.

Who do you think? Blink-182. Oh, that's a good one. I think if they... I don't even know if they play anymore, but... They did, they got back together. Someone goes and they see Pauly Shore, they polish it off with a Blink-182 show.

Hmm. When they see Pauly Shore, they polish it off with a Blink-182 show. I got an urge to hear that All the Small Things song. Yeah, that's a good question. What's a Blink-182 fan looking like? They should tour together, Pauly Shore with Blink-182. It seems like... That's a good bill right there. It's a powerful bill.

Who's the opening? It's a coin toss. No, they just do it. They flip from city to city. Yeah, to be fair. They're co-headliners. Sometimes it's a Pauly Shore Blink-182 show. Other times it's a Blink-182 Pauly Shore show.

Man, with special guests. Who would you even get in? Special guests on a show like that. It's such a niche talent. Ooh, the Jerky Boys. They come on stage and make a live Frank phone call. I have caller ID, you assholes.

Their career's kind of over, hey? I guess because of caller ID. And only because of caller ID. And only because of caller ID. Did you see the Drinky Boys movie? Can't make pranks anymore. What happened? They got this caller ID.

We're shutting it down. We're shutting it down. They got a factory. Yeah. Turned off. Turned off the recording machine. Because think about what their setup must have been like. They weren't running it down to a laptop and getting ready to just produce their own album independently. Who signed them?

Who was like, I want to sign you guys? That would have been a weird pitch to be like, okay, well, we done predominantly uh things that we think will sell but but those sold like millions of comics oh yeah and when they started as like bootlegs that people yeah people i got this hilarious tape these they're these boys they're not very nice it was perfectly i was at the ripe age when that was perfect. I was at the ripe age. When that first came out, I was at the perfect age to enjoy that jerky boys to the fullest extent. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was at a perfect time where I was like, these men are geniuses.

I'm currently listening to genius. And then did you see the movie? Nope. It was a very short period that I thought they were geniuses. Did you see the movie no it was a very short period that was a week that i thought they were geniuses did you see the movie uh no no and and and the jerky boy prank phone call thing that kind of passed me by i didn't i never really knew anybody but at the same time that's when adam sandler's yeah cds were out and all my friends were really into that. And it mostly was because he swore. And he talked about disgusting things.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. And so I guess we all thought that was pretty clever. Right. Yeah, yeah. Because we were like kids and like, you know. Oh, yeah. He's.

I don't know. I was just swearing. Was there gross? I guess taking shits and stuff. I remember there was a. Oh, I don't even want to repeat this. I went to The Waterboy. Was that the movie? Yeah.

Yeah. I went to that on opening night. Ooh. What does that crowd look like? Like you at that age. Oh, really? Yeah. And there were,

they had a contest where they were giving away stuff to the crowd. So they had, they asked people to come up and do their best Adam Sandler impression. And someone did something.

I don't really remember the first one. The second guy did an impression of, I forget what the character. Opera Man? No. Tollbooth Willie? The buffoon? Was there a buffoon?

I don't remember that. Anyway, he said something about his neighbor's cat having a four inch clit. Oh yeah! Right, right, right. And the audience was aghast. Oh, they weren't happy about it? No, they weren't happy about it. And then the third...

But that guy did make it to the finals. I think it's important to remember how far he did go. Regionals. And the last person in the preview for The Waterboy, there was that Adam Sandler runs up and dropkicks a guy.

Oh. And he and his friend had arranged to do this. So the guy just stood there. And a guy just came running down the aisle and went up front and dropkicked this other guy. And the crowd went wild. Really? Yeah. Wow.

That's pretty good. And they won, right? Yeah. Theatrics. It's all theat Wow. That's pretty good. And they won, right? Yeah. Theatrics. It's all theatrics. They had pyro. Do you think they still tell that story to this day? I do.

Yeah, that's true. I've competed in a few. What's your best, Adam Sandler? And I will vouch that theatrics in the end is what will sell it. You can't do a Happy Gilmore without a golf club. Yeah. And without a ball. You can swing it, throw it.

A Bob Barker stand-in. If you can get a Bob Barker stand-in and pull off a Happy Gilmore without a golf club. Yeah. You have to swing it, throw it. A Bob Barker stand-in. If you can get a Bob Barker stand-in and pull off a Happy Gilmore, which I've seen it done twice, two different competitions, two different red carpet premieres. Not red carpet. They do it at the premiere for the movie. Yeah. Billy Madison, of course, being one of the most difficult ones to pull off. Clearly a monologue piece requires a portable desk

yeah you're acting out the poster basically yeah it's um did you see anybody else see funny people I didn't see it the ability like the

thing it's kind of when you like when you satire something it feels like there's this like kind of razor thin line that you want because they they satirized adam sandler's career basically and he's in a movie in it where they show clips from the movie and i was like is that a movie that like he wrote and then at the last second was like i don't think this will be a seller but i'll use it in this other project as a thing that's so bad because it was at the baby with adam sandler's head uh no that one was kind of like almost too much but there was one before that where he's a mermaid or a merman oh yeah i know what you're talking about and i And I was like, that could have been an Adam Sandler movie.

Easily. That could have been an Adam Sandler movie. And they showed a couple clips from it where he's, you know, like Splash, but with a man. Could you not see that movie? So you're wondering if that was like an intentional kind of, not a jab, obviously, like a playful kind of call out? Well, I'm sure it was. Because I think, wasn't Judd Apatow and him like roommates? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, I bet he was like, look, some of these movies you make, come on. And I guess it's kind of cool that Adam Sandler's like, yeah, I'm self-effacing enough to allow that I would be in a movie being a merman of some sort. But yeah, it's... Is it a good movie? Did you enjoy it? I enjoyed it because I do comedy. And I know people who do comedy at different kind of levels of comedy, like some people who are very rich and some people who aren't.

And so it covers that very well pretty accurately yeah and it's got every kind of comic uh that you that aren't really big in movies they make like all these really kind of neat cameo appearances as themselves mostly and uh it's so that that part of it's neat it's worth seeing it for that if you do comedy. But then I don't know who else in society would really gravitate towards it. Because it's like, hey, here's comedy. It's pretty depressing. Almost all the way along. And then the end. Yeah, and then the credits.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know. That's a good question. I was kind of wondering when that came out. I was wondering if that would be a boost for some ticket sales at comedy clubs. Just people getting the idea like, oh yeah, we haven't been to a club in a while.

We just saw this movie. I wonder if it in any way maybe... Because people talk now like, oh, comedy clubs, they're back on the rise. People are coming out again you know because because times are so dark but that's the thing they have been saying that quite a bit to where i'm wondering i'm like well you know some shows do have a lot of people some don't

has it really just remained the same and we don't accept it i think that i've been told that comedy or alternative comedy is on the rise since I started doing comedy. And it still has not risen to any... It has not peaked at all. It is flying through the air. Like, since I've been doing comedy. Continues to soar. It is so popular, Middle Eastern

countries are doing alternative comedy. You can't get away from alternative comedy. Tribes that don't even know stand-up comedy have bypassed the entire regular stand-up there are 17 finnish alternative independent shows you can go to right now in helsinki any any given night of the week 17 options it's because of youtube guys yeah you're right yeah it's here's a okay this is surely something that like uh you've seen in any article about comedy is they'll not not any article but at least 50 where they say know, gone are the days in front of a brick wall and the rolled up sleeves. Yeah. I was like,

well, when was that? That's not been around since I think I've even been on earth. Really? I've been in front of brick walls. Yeah, I guess. But why was the brick wall the,

why is that the target of so much animosity? Yeah. I don't know. That is like a thing. People always kind of comment on i put a brick wall up and you know get a microphone yeah yeah i don't know but no like people rolled up the comedians rolled up their sleeves uh in the 80s because that's what don johnson did yeah and they're like gone is that yeah like as if stand-up comics were leading the charge yeah

on rolled upup sleeves. And also brick walls, because most of the place is probably made of brick. Yeah. Well, I guess, no, maybe it was, like, maybe it was, like, basements. Maybe it was a lot of basements. So your basements are going to be brick. That's true. Maybe that's, maybe it just, so people start to think, oh, well, that's the chemistry of it.

You have to have a brick wall to make people feel like they're in a basement. And to make a delicious pizza. Because even legitimately nice, well-budgeted comedy clubs still want you to feel like you're in a basement. Like, why do we have to be in basements? In a sweater. Why are people trying to hide us? Like, who is speaking so conspiratorially that they have they have to be in a basement they should go if they're gonna do a basement they should go the whole nine yards and have beanbag chairs oh that would be amazing that would be that'd be a fantastic thing old dirty couches

old dirty bastard and like some mannequins you know like half a mannequin what are your standard cliche basements that you crawl through when you're a kid like the red tube thing cliche basement items like a box full a trunk full of costumes

old albums old albums and trunk full of costumes my next door neighbor when I was a kid mydoor neighbor, he was like 10 years older, and he still lived with his parents. I was like 10, and he was like 20. And he moved to the basement, and he wanted to make it his own. But sometimes his mom would have to go down there, and I went down there. And he, to make it his own, he just put porno all over the walls.

He's like, I'm wallpaper in this place. I want everyone to know exactly what I'm up to. At any point, I could become aroused. Ping pong table folded up in the corner. No net. No net. That's why they just haven't gotten around. The laundry machine is going the whole show.

Oh, fuck. I want this to happen now. Like if the bar has been used for everything but a bar, like there's a whole work on it and also a hamper of laundry just sitting on it. Your dad started his sports memorabilia collection and only has two items. Wow. There's a room in uh new york city in my neighborhood the lolita bar that would be perfect to decorate it and i was

just thinking what if at some point throughout the show too you have like a like someone open the door at the top of the steps yeah anybody freezes hey at 10 p.m. it sends. All right. And whoever's on set, yes, staff. Really build as much atmosphere of being in your own basement at your house. Yeah, in the middle of one of the sets. Probably whoever's the new guy on the show. That's the set where somebody comes down with a giant bowl of popcorn and like offers it up to everyone.

Playing a mom. If there were a washer and dryer it'd be great if she came down and just did a load. Or just like turned on the dryer again. Just... Oh man, I really like this. Your father's gonna be home at nine and he doesn't like

it when this goes on too late. He's had a really hot day at the mill. Your father's going to be home at nine, and he doesn't like it when this goes on too late. He's had a really hard day at the mill. Your dad's coming home, and he's had a tough one. Okay? I don't care if your friends come over, but I need them to leave on time and be respectful. Don't make me wake you up tomorrow. You've got soccer practice. I'm going to call your mother.

Now, I'm going to go upstairs and make some popcorn. I know you guys like popcorn. And I'm going to go upstairs and make some popcorn I know you guys like popcorn And I'm going to get some drinks Like really Really put all your money into just Catering snacks for it I'm going to bring down some Rice Krispie treats Just go buy them

Don't make them, just buy them Set them up on a tray You can make them, why not? Occasionally you can have sleepover shows Yeah, where it just goes until one just goes into if you're not in your pajamas you can't get into the show yeah yeah yeah guys i think i think this is pretty i think i think we might have just made it 18 shows in finland we can use my basement bar oh man um so you uh you've been touring a lot in clubs, mostly.

Yeah. Brick walls. Yeah, brick, et cetera. In front of the old brick walls. Doing the old brick wall circuit. It's fun to say touring because it sounds so cool. Touring. On your bus with no doubt.

It's really just getting by. Yeah. I feel like tour sounds so... I feel like if someone's like, oh, really? You're on tour? Like, yeah, but it is way not what you think do you name your tours because there's comics that do that and comics that don't do that you know if i uh i really love uh music and i love the idea of like the front man and a band and i love shit like that yeah i think if i was at a status where i was confident i was going to sell tickets i was playing legitimate places and it was

going to be a run i would totally try to make it as rock show yeah as possible like name it like not but in a in a play upon i'm naming it because i realized naming it's ridiculous right okay not like i'm not putting up a name where i'm like fuck yeah the rory scoville boom like you know never to actually mean like you're gonna get your dick kicked come on down well that's it though like a lot of the times the tour names yeah either sound like they should be for some sort of underground hip-hop group yeah yeah or they sound they take it too far in the other direction and they're like the what am i doing this for tour it's too cheesy yeah and you're like i don't want to go i see either of those tours yeah it is funny because even when bands i mean i guess it's weird

for comics to do it but even it's kind of weird for even bands to you know like come see Coldplay on the X and Y, the Twisted Logic tour. I know exactly what it is because I love Coldplay, but it is weird that they have like... When they name the tour something other than the album. Yeah, that's always... Have you ever been in a conversation where somebody's gone,

oh, I've seen so-and-so, and you've said on this tour? Like on the – OUA12 tour? Yeah. On the Computers Down tour or on the Boomerang something or other tour? Can you get away with – You would have had both of those titles for tours. Can you get away with like the Rory Scovel getting my dick sucked? would have had both of those titles for tours.

And you get away with like, the Rory Scoville getting my dick sucked. Like, could you... Would it be fun for local radio stations to bleep out? Would they think, like, you know, you got your new metal station. Are they like, yeah, you guys gotta go see the Rory Scoville

getting my, we're not allowed to say it on the radio. But this guy sounds pretty extreme. And then you show up and just do the most kind of banal observation stuff for them. They're like, well, you lay down some of the stuff you do. How come all the popcorn kernels don't pop? Yeah. Wait.

Hey. of the stuff you do and you're like how come all the popcorn kernels don't pop yeah wait hey you know uh what's with those rubber bar dividers at the supermarket come on can't we just be civilized i'm telling her no when you put the toilet toilet paper in make sure it comes over you guys know what i mean many women are under i'm grabbing under we're gonna have more with Rory Scoville after this Slipknot song he's on the suck my feet tour with two free tickets to Chickenfoot

so yeah well it's there is there's a mystique around touring that is not oh yeah for sure like cause it's always

whenever you see it in a movie, they represent it, like they cut lots of the shitty parts out and just, they could show like two seconds of driving. A musician's tour? Yeah. Yeah. They always make it look like it's just nonstop.

Awesome. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. Yeah. And then you go out and you assume, even that first couple of days, you're like,

maybe this will be the tour. Yeah. That is nonstop. Yeah. And then you go out and you assume, even that first couple days, you're like, maybe this will be the tour. Yeah. That is nonstop awesome. And then. But I think touring with a band with like five of your best friends would be fun. Oh, yeah. That's true, hey? Yeah, I guess maybe that's the missing.

Well, I think right now David Cross and Todd Glass are touring. Todd's opening for David for his tour. Oh, that's cool. And they're doing a bus, and that would be... I was just thinking about the two of them. That would be amazing. That would be pretty fun. Like a bus just going across the country for comedy shows.

Yeah. As a group, I could see it being awesome. A bus seems a little much, though, for two people. I think it may just be the two of them in a bus. And maybe I'm even wrong about the bus, but think they actually have are you wrong about the tour you know i actually made those two people up you know what people don't even this is how little i know about touring all right just to keep this going i'm thinking of tours of fake performers well when polly is Well, when Polly was touring with Scent 182 on the Take Off Your Pants and Jacket tour.

That was one of their tours, wasn't it? It was one of their albums. Oh, nice. That had to be the tour name. You would hope so. So what's going on with you, Dave? Well, a couple of weeks ago on the show, I mentioned I went to a bachelor party. And I also went to the wedding.

You went to a bachelor party where he shot guns. Where was this? In Port Coquitlam, British Columbia. Okay. Pretty good. Cop party, huh? Yeah, it was the policeman's ball. Rory's taking notes

And But so I went to the wedding And my friend Who was getting married His wife, her family is Half of them are European Okay Are we talking about Italians here? Greek?

My big fat Greek wedding? I think they were Swiss actually My small delicate Swiss wedding? Yeah think they were Swiss, actually. My small, delicate Swiss wedding? My intricate clockwork Swiss wedding. It's just a whole series of them. Yeah, every country is allowed one.

My whole family were wearing jeweler's loops. But they... I didn't realize how weird europeans are at weddings like when you go to a wedding there's not much hooting and hollering usually um at all times yeah not at all times that's true there's some one when they kiss yeah that's a big hoot and holler yeah uh yeah and there was one tag sure yeah the high five the medal ceremony the uh the there was one guy there who was spanish and uh he you should tell the listeners that we live above Amoros Perros. Yes, we live... I don't get that.

Oh, it's a dogfighting movie. Oh. It sounds like you have some sort of dogfight going on. Yeah, there's a dogfight going on outside, but it is a tiny dogfight. Oh, okay. Anyway, so speaking of Spanish movies, is it a Mexican movie or a Spanish movie? Those are the only two languages that speak Spanish. I mean, only two countries. I think

it was Spanish. Do they make Mexican movies? I honestly have never... And I know how that sounds. Yeah, and also... Was that a Mexican movie? It was Mexican in nature. It was Texican. It was Tex-Mexican.

I was born Tex-Mexican. I was born Tex-Mexican. There's a whole series of Mexican films that starred the luchadors, so they would wear their mask and play citizen characters. They would play their wrestling.

It would be like if we had a movie in north america like well because they're in north america um in in america if the the movie was like a movie where hulk hogan plays hulk hogan but not in a wrestling context like we need him to come in and fight a bad guy or the ultimate warrior is a cop but he still wears the makeup yeah yeah okay exactly so they've got there's tons of those movies luchador movies so i know that mexico's got a strong tradition uh that yeah they do they do make movies so they make that one kind of movie uh it's like bollywood only with wrestlers only with one specific genre

aren't all Bollywood movies one specific genre? unwatchable but there was one Spanish guy at this wedding and he told everyone he went up to the microphone just so you guys know I'm going to be saying this one thing and every time I yell this out

you guys all have to yell this be saying this one thing and every time i yell this out you guys all have to yell this other thing and it was it was the equivalent call like shout out yeah it was like oogie oogie oogie um wow but uh so there was a lot of that going on but the most european thing happened uh after the the sun went down it It was dark. It always does. And when people started dancing, and for some reason, they didn't have these before, but all the Europeans broke out their glow sticks. Oh, wow! Yeah. So they knew this was going to happen. Like it was a rave. But they were like,

this is going gonna be this side of the family only is gonna really bring it at the dance or or they thought oh yeah that's what you do that's what you bring to a thing where there's dancing a bolo tie and let's do some me let's go to the reception all right we'll get through it. Wow. So was it a big wedding? Small wedding? It was big fat. Oh, big and fat. And European.

I guess it was big-ish. Yeah. Over 100, I would say. That's big. What's a... Yeah, I think 100 is a big wedding. When I think small, I think like... It's certainly not the biggest.

Certainly not the biggest. No. But a grand size. Yeah, worth it. Yeah. Yeah, like, I mean, okay. Let's put not the biggest. But a grand size. Yeah, worth it. Yeah, like I mean, okay, let's put this in perspective. You'll have what I like to call for the single guys, fuck options. That's right. Or fuck options.

You'll have a couple fuck options. Fuckaccio bread. Focoptions. You'll have a couple focoptions. Focopcio bread. That's the root word of focaccio bread is focoptions. Oh, I know. Yeah.

Oh, I know. I know. You're a... Have you ever been to a wedding? Has there ever been a thing in your life where you're like, oh, I'm going to go to a wedding. I'm going to fucking hook up. I'm single. This is where people do it. Girls are crazy at weddings.

I don't know if that's true. I don't think I've ever... I've never been in that position to even know. Weddings make people so horny. I don't think I've ever been at a wedding where I've been single. I think whatever weddings I've been to have corresponded with me having a girlfriend, or more specifically, it is a wedding that I am only invited to because I know my girlfriend. Do you know what I mean?

Or they're a family member. But at that even, I've never seen anybody where hooking up would be a thing that would have happened. Yeah, because they're all related to you. No, no, no. What? Wait a minute. Uh...

I don't think so. Incest wedding. Well, they're related to you by the end of the wedding. Yeah, that's true. A new show on Fox, Incest Wedding. Watch them prepare for the wedding. Awkwardly. Awkwardly.

And quietly. And very quietly. I don't think it's... Yeah, I've never been in that situation, but also I like leaving weddings early. And it's very hard to convince a girl probably. Hey, do you want to get out of here at 7? Oh, yeah, yeah.

One time I went to a wedding. This was weird. I went to a wedding, and one of the – like I didn't know the people that were getting married. I was there. It was my girlfriend's friend, and she was one of the bridesmaids. I was hanging out with I think it was

the girl's aunt. I think I still smoked at the time, so we were standing under a shade and smoking. She was like, if you ask me, I totally didn't ask her, but she's like, this isn't going to last.

Oh, wow. She doesn't even really want to get married. She's been pressured. And I was like, whoa, whoa, shit. I really don't want to hear any of this ever, because at some point I'm going to drink immediately following the ceremony. You, stranger, come here. And I'm going to drink immediately following the ceremony. You, stranger, come here. And I'm going to tell my girlfriend, which she is going to then immediately leak back to the bride, I would assume.

Like your aunt's calling this a kibosh. She put a curse on it. It's wedding and you're going to work. Who's that miserable in their life? They won't. No way. These two, are you kidding me? Man, we don't even know each other.

Listen, two years ago, six flags. These two, are you kidding me? Man, we don't even know each other. Shh. Listen, two years ago, six flags. As a smoker, do you smoke or have you smoked? I do not smoke cigarettes, no. I never smoked, but did you ever have other situations like this? Was that a common thing where just someone would confide in you just because you were both smoking? Yes. Yeah, that's the weird – there's a weird kind of culture.

It's like if you ever have been in a situation where you've been a tourist somewhere and then you meet somebody that's from your same country, and you have nothing else in common with them, but you suddenly have this instant bond. That's what happens with smokers. So I could be talking to, and it happened on numerous occasions where I'm talking to a guy who's a millionaire, but the only thing we have in common is we both have this crippling addiction, which if he succumbs to it, he will be able to buy every bit of medication in the world to fix it.

Don't they always seem like, because I know, I think that's common in a lot of things. Like when people do similar stuff, like, you know, you're at a bar, you're the two drinking,

you know, chime in. You know, you're at the airport, you get this kind of conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. But it's always weird because whenever that person does chime in,

they almost talk to you as though it's assumed we both have the same opinions. You know what I mean? Like even the millionaire you're speaking with, he doesn't know you for shit. But you're both having a cigarette to the point where he's

like, there's fucking people in there. Fucking stupid. Why does he think you have come out to have the cigarette? Because also you're like, I can't even be in there. Fucking stupid. Why does he think you have come out to have the cigarette? Because also you're like, I can't even be in there anymore. And you're like, it's my birthday. Those are all my friends. Well, it's my sister. She just

got married. Yeah. Fucking, it won't last. Like that woman assumed you would agree. Yeah. Oh, you don't see it? I'll be like, I'm a sheer conduit from your words getting right back to the bride yeah yeah statistically speaking it may not last you're right but yeah

no i and i've been in that situation too where particularly at shows what I just pictured it was the priest saying that to you. Why is he emotionally invested to make that call? And he has to get it off his chest. It won't work. Graham, it's been two weeks since my last confession. I murder. I marry. Graham, I marry been two weeks since my last confession. I murder. I murder.

I marry. Graham, I marry people all the time. Sometimes I marry. Sometimes I murder. These two. And he's God. He's just drinking. Yeah, no, definitely.

You're right. If you're doing something. But it's also when you're doing something that's particularly antisocial, which smoking has become, like a thing where you have to leave the room. Yeah. And now it's just you and the gang outside that's smoking. But I don't think I ever got anything like – To help me. Well, no.

Yeah. Nothing where I was like – some guys like sink it all into all into intel or something like nothing or maybe it's useful yeah it's always just some horrible thing like i'm gonna pull the fire alarm later yeah now now smokers have become criminals because they've been treated like them so now they are doing criminal activities. Oh, man. Yeah, so you had a successful... I'm sure they'll have a long

and happy relationship. Oh, they're doomed. They're doomed. They're never gonna last. I'm just joking. We wish them the best. Of course. Graham. Let's get to know you. There's really not a ton that's gone on, except yesterday when I went and got something to eat. And I was looking out the window of the diner and across the street. I just kept seeing this guy walking past the window with a sword.

And I was like an old sword. I don't know what a new style sword would look like but not a fencing sword like not a sword that you would expect to see in the uh like an olympic context like a broad sword not a broad sword but more like a pirate sword like with the uh handle that goes around like the outside of your hand you know what i'm talking about yeah so i was like uh but i just kept watching it and i was like i'm pretty sure it's not an apartment that this guy like it wasn't just a guy hanging out with his sword day having his sword day like it's it's sword day thursday just walking back and forth with my sword was he holding it or is it in it is it no no he had it forth with my sword was he holding it or was it in it is it no no he had it and and he wasn't covered in blood like and he wasn't marching back and forth so i knew it wasn't a military

style thing like he was practicing for something tomorrow for a funeral or a wedding where you have to hold it over the couple of the walks underneath. The tunnel. But yeah, I thought that was odd because who has a sword? To me, the only people that have swords are people that know how to use them and people who really don't but watch a lot of movies with people who know how to use them. Those seem to be the only two. Have you ever been to a flea market and they have swords for sale? Who the fuck? First of all, who's selling them?

Second of all, like, anybody who knows how to use a sword isn't buying his sword from the flea market, surely. Oh, that's where you can get a lot of deals. Yeah, that's true, I guess, in the recession. The two demographics buying swords, you're right. It's the person who knows how to use it or the one person who desperately hopes one day they have to. That's the exact division. Because everyone buying is like, I hope one day I got to fucking do something with this. They just carry around a trombone case with them everywhere with the sword in it. They create a whole life where people think that he's a trombone player. So everywhere with the sword in it. They create a whole life where people

think that he's a trombone player. So yeah, I don't know. I thought that was weird to see a guy... Was his demeanor kind of frightening in any way? No, it was literally just a guy kind of pacing about. Nervous. It may have been a fighting

instruction place. And it wasn't an apartment. I can't say it wasn't for sure. Okay. But I can't also say that it wasn't an apartment building. But it was above shops. But do you think that that could have been a sword fighting studio? Anything's possible.

There's a sword play in Vancouver. I mean, maybe that's what it is. Is that downtown? I don't know. Is that maybe a sword place? Anything's possible. There's sword play in Vancouver. Maybe that's what it is. Is that downtown? I don't know. Maybe I feel... I just see the ads on telephone poles. What does it cost? Have you seen the price?

I think your first lesson is free. Your first period. Oh, wow. You get a free first lesson. Yeah, and it comes with a sword. Then you get your sword. If that is a deal, I'm going to look into that. I want to go

one day. I want to know how to use a sword. Show me. I've got a lot of swords around the house and it's getting dangerous because I don't know how to use them. I don't know what to do with them. But did you hear that story about the guy whose place was broken into and he stabbed the guy whose place was broken into and he

stabbed the guy with a samurai sword? Fatoichi, the blind swordman? Yeah, yeah. It was in old Japan. Old Japan. Not new Japan. The oldie Japan. Yeah, it was 1631. Did you hear that story?

Have you not heard this? There was a guy, this was a story from last week. There was a guy. It was. He thought somebody had broken into his place, which he was correct. But he had a samurai sword out because that's the only weapon he had. And he came around the corner and the guy spooked him. And the guy went, ah, and stabbed the guy with the samurai sword.

Oh, wow. Who was it? So it was a stranger breaking in. It was a prowler. And he stabbed him with a samurai sword, which you never see coming. No. Even in samurai times. Does that hurt?

Or does it just kill you? No, that hurts. The guy lived, I think. That definitely hurts. Because when you cut yourself. There's no way it doesn't at all hurt. When you cut yourself, it doesn't exactly hurt. It's more like, oh, I'm bleeding, and there's a flap of skin, and...

Oh, you mean like a deep... It does sting, though. Yeah, it stings a bit, but like a sword through your organs, you're like, oh, what am I going to do with all this? Have you seen the YouTube video where it's like an infomercial and the guy's trying to sell the samurai sword? And it breaks. He's like showing how durable it is, and he slams it down, it breaks in half, and the guy's trying to sell the samurai sword, and he's like showing how durable it is, and he slams it down, it breaks in half,

and half of it does stab him, and he goes down, but yet tries to remain in salesman mode, and he's like, oh, God, that got me right there. Terry, I think I'm going to need help. Terry, I think I need terry i might

have to go to the hospital this is like but you still the voice still trying to remain professional like you're still trying to give this nobody panic does anybody else think it's weird that they're running that show with that pitch man that died billy may yeah like they're running that show his show with the other pitch man? Yeah, but they don't at the end of every episode. You know, like sometimes on a sitcom, like somebody's... Rest in peace. Yeah, they'll have that. It should be that at the end of every episode with his picture.

I think if you're watching that show, you know he's dead, though. But it's really creepy to watch it. Should every credit be like the late Billy Mays? Billy Mays, you know he's dead, right? Yes. I feel like there's no reason to have released that show. And anybody who would be like, this is the way he would have wanted it is lying. Because would you have wanted it?

You know, I bet that is the way he wanted it. Like, hey, all those products we've already taped. If anything ever happens to me, please sell those products. Sell those products. You know that was my goal. His dying wish. Sell. Sell.

Sell. The episode I saw was him, they were playing a prank on him where they were letting. They replaced his cocaine with OxyClean. They put fish on the hood of his car to rot. But I was like... And he cleaned it off with an amazing product. But what if one of his relatives is like, I'm gonna watch this show

to remember. And then you just find out all his friends were horrible and like, let's ruin his car with dead fish. But I love the idea that for the sake of it, his friends were like, what's a prank we can pull? But in the end, he can still pitch his thing. All right. If we put rotten fish on top of the hood, it'll stain.

It'll smell. Then he can show that new spray that new car spray so he won't be that mad the thing was every character i do has the same by the way that was my mother at the in the basement uh comedy club it's your father said it's tough in auditions when they're like did you read the script and you're like this is my interpretation yeah no this is how i see it are we booking this thing? What are we doing? Are you a method actor or a meth head actor?

Thanks, guys. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's good. Should we move along to perhaps some over? Why not? Overheard. So overheards, things overheard in general life.

We usually like to start with the guest. Okay. You seem to have one when we mentioned it earlier. You're like, oh, I got an overheard thing. Or we can start... Oh, no, no. The one I have is the guy, the neighborhood guy. Oh, you've got a neighborhood guy off the top of your head.

Do you have anything that's overheard? I don't know. Maybe someone go first so I can see an example of what you're reading. Maybe I can read one of the ones that somebody sent in as kind of an example. Okay. This is from Kate F. in Philadelphia. She said, this is overheard while cruising through City Hall. Professional looking woman walking quickly on cell phone.

All I hear is her repeating, I'm sorry. No, I'm really sorry. And and then i'm sorry i said it i didn't know you were jewish and i didn't know the phone was on so in that kind of mode yeah oh man that one's too good that's great i'm most I'm mostly sorry the phone was on. So, yeah. So that's the style of them. But also they could be something that you've seen. What do you think that woman said? What do you think she was apologizing for?

I couldn't. The Cosmos are. Or the situation. She was obviously just talking to them, thought the phone had hung up, and was so compelled to immediately, right after the conversation, just, fucking Jew.

The Holocaust was a hoax. Wish the Holocaust was still going. I didn't know you were Jewish. I'm sorry. I didn't know the phone was still going. I didn't know you were Jewish. I didn't know you were Jewish. I didn't know the phone was on. Those are my favorite. I think they're quickly becoming my favorite style of overheard

is the one half of the cell phone conversation. Yeah, for sure. It was from almost a year ago, but it was when I was in Britain and there was a guy walking down the street and he was on a cell phone and all he said was, how about you're fired? And that's all I heard.

And I was like, the whole sentence that must have preceded that must have been like, well, how about this? How about that? How about this? Okay. Well, mine is, it's just, it's basically your sword thing could have counted as an overheard. Or overseen, yeah. If what I'm about to do is an overseen. Because I live in a neighborhood that isn't, it's not a bad neighborhood.

It's on the cusp. Sure. And there's not, like, there's crime. I mean, prostitution's a crime. Yeah. Certainly drug use is a crime. Up until that bill gets passed. Am I right, guys?

Yeah, yeah. But the, there's no, like, property crime. Like, people don't get broken into. But you often see people carrying things. Right. And, like, usually, like, there's a lot of old Asian ladies who collect cans. And, like, sometimes people will be carrying a couch. But a lot of people just throw out their furniture and people just pick stuff up.

But the other day I saw this old Asian lady. And she was pushing a cart that had, you know, those speed bags that boxers use? Oh, yeah. She was pushing this cart that had a speed bag. I guess it was attached to the whatever ceiling mount. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, what could she possibly be using this for? She weighs 78 pounds.

Well, she doesn't want to be a 78-pound weakling forever. I guess so. The problem is, in the homeless culture, is having a roof with which to forever. I guess so. So that's... The problem is in the homeless culture is having a roof with which to screw in your speed bank. Oh, that's another thing. Most of the people

carrying things aren't homeless. Oh, no, that's true, actually. It's just a lifestyle here. Yeah, there is a lot of like... It's a lot of sharing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a recycling neighborhood.

My neighborhood has just this past week experienced kind of an explosion in appliances just left asunder on the sidewalk. And what I feel is the worst part is when, if you're going to do that, if that's your method of getting rid of a thing, you put a piece of cardboard next to it that says free slash it works. Right. Right, yeah, yeah. You know? Because, you know, like a popcorn popper sitting on somebody's lawn, that means there's too many possible scenarios. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not going to take it home, put popcorn in this filthy thing to see if it works. Yeah. I want to know it works before I put it in this filthy. Who's going to put popcorn in a thing that's been sitting out in a lawn for A squirrel could have lived in there For a week I'm going to cook my popcorn You should also put the date you're putting it out

Oh that's a good idea That should be the new rule In New York there's so many people moving in and out That a lot of stuff on the street You can grab that's fucking sweet Yeah Sometimes people just either couldn't get rid of furniture Or just were too lazy to try There's so many people moving in and out that a lot of stuff on the street you can grab that's fucking sweet. Yeah. There's sometimes people just either couldn't get rid of furniture or just were too lazy to try.

And you know Andy Haynes. Yes. He works for a moving company. Oh, wow. So on certain days, he's moving people in and out of apartments. But there's sometimes he'll drive through neighborhoods. He'll see a perfectly good dresser. He'll pick it up and then put it on Craigslist or eBay and sell stuff that he didn't pay. He had the truck, so he picked it up, took it to his apartment, and then that was it.

That's pretty good. Yeah. The worst part about Craigslist is having to arrange the meeting. The interaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the person, they'll always throw you a curveball at the end, like try to cut you a deal. Yeah.

They'll be like, how many squirrels lived in this popcorn popper? Look, one. All right. It still works. We had this futon that was sitting here for a year. Yeah. Because we sold it on Craigslist, and the people showed up, and they said, oh, we just want the futon frame.

Yeah. Who wants a futon? Gross. Yeah. Well, you got to take it and throw it away. Yeah, that's the deal. But I couldn't... Put a free sign on it on your lawn.

Yeah, sure. Free building futon. I haven't overheard from a long time ago. Oh, this is perfect. In college. Probably one of my favorite. Me and my roommate make jokes about it all the time. We were in college.

We were at the grocery store. And we were grocery shopping. And we hear woman they're looking at the uh the ramen noodles and we hear this woman say if you can't go to china you come to china and since still when me and my roommate jacks run into each other we'll we will say if you can't go to china you come to china it took everything in our souls not to correct her and explain to her that phrase yeah like you know what you're using that wrong oh so wrong please when you're buying ramen can you get it right yeah please when you're explaining to everyone why you're buying yeah when when you're telling your friends that you think this is china

you think this is as good as it gets you can't go to china buy ramen noodles i i have that thing where um, if you see an old friend, and I'll just bring up that one thing. That one thing. I don't want to catch up with them. I want to remember that one joke we had. Yeah. Yeah. One thing where we thought it was hysterical and just run down.

And then I want to run away. And then punch them. I don't have any. I want to run away and then punch them. I, um, run off. I don't have any. Oh, although I'm trying to think there, there's gotta, because at work to the other day, there was the,

this weird kind of, uh, perfect storm where there was the, uh, firemen were in town, uh, promoting their fireman calendar and the Canadian tenors were all in the studio all at the same time so every like female in the studio was just like oh like it was like uh like a nature

documentary like everybody was like all just like like it was everybody's in heat all of a sudden and uh I'm just trying to think like I'm like, sure, there must have been an overheard that I jotted down, but I honestly can't remember. Are they franchising out the tenors now? Or can anyone just add their country to the word tenors? Yeah, I can't wait to see the Finland alternative take on the tenors. We are killing Finland today. We have one that was sent in from a listener that's

an overseen that has to do with one of the other things that we love on the podcast which is bad, any kind of body art that's terrible. Okay, this is from somebody, I don't think that's their name.

All they said, they said it's SDA, so I don't know what. Okay. All right. So anyways, this is, it's a bit drawn out, but it's all written in a very kind of like 24 style, like time, mid-afternoon, beautiful sunny day, location, bus coming out of downtown, right? Sure. Time, mid-afternoon, beautiful sunny day.

Location, bus coming out of downtown, right? Sure. Me, in seat, overlooking middle exit of bus. If you can picture it, there it is. Boy, about 16, gangly, wearing glasses, black t-shirt with video game logo standing opposite of where I'm sitting. Girl, at bus stop, about 20, very attractive, wearing bikini top, sarong bottom, Lululemon bag with towel rolled up between handles, large bottle of water, hair tied up, slightly disheveled, iPod, buds in ears. Girl gets on bus, walks to center, exits, stands with her back to boy.

Over her shoulder, I can see the boy's face light up almost as if he knows her. Boy tapping girl on the shoulder with excited look. Excuse me, tap. Excuse me, tap. Girl, after second tap, sighs, makes exaggerated hand movements to remove her earbuds in an annoyed Valley Girl voice. Ah, what do you want? Boy, excitement vanishing quickly from his face replaced by sheepish look and voice dropping in tone. Um, does this bus go up

to broadway girl annoyed placing earbuds back in her ears i don't know boy slinks away to front of bus girl turns exposing her back to me displaying a very large detailed black marker drawn cock with grapefruit sized balls and wiry pubes drawn on her back. Obviously, she didn't know it was there. And the boy had noticed it and thought that, hey, I see the giant cock and balls on your back. She didn't know. He thought she was in on it. She didn't know.

She was like, what do you want? And he was like, oh, okay, you don't know that this is on your back. I'm going to go to the front of the bus. I thought he drew it on her. I don't think so. I have a feeling that it's... But how does someone not know that that's on them?

Well, Dave, a number of scenarios can take place. It was with a felt pen? Yes. Not with suntan lotion but i assume she fell asleep on the beach somebody drew a cock and balls on her back ballsy ballsy perpetrator great my favorite though is just the hope and knowing that uh after hearing that uh there we there's another dan brown out there there's another great novel writer. The way that guy wrote that description. Just detailed.

Just diving into it. Woman, 23. Could have been Opus Dei. Blonde. Opus Dick. Opus Dick. Blonde, standing there. Doing it. Getting it done. He described it

me, middle seat, back right box. Why do we need to know where you were? You just say what you saw. We don't need to be you in this scenario. But it did recall something that was out with Erica Sigurdsson and the camera guy putting a microphone, like a lavalier microphone. And she said, she was like, it feels like somebody's drawing on me. Well, there could only be one person.

And the reason she felt that was because he was holding a pen in his hand and drew all over her chest. Well, no, he was putting on the thing, but he also had the pen. But it was that she said, it feels like someone's drawing on me. Look down. Check it out. See's drawing on me. Look down. Check it out. See? See maybe if you can. So anyways, and then do we have phoned in ones?

Thank you very much for the writing in. If anybody wants to write to us, it is stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com, or you can go to our website, stoppodcastingyourself.com. All right. We got two from video stores. Ooh, a theme. Hey, guys, it's Todd the Poke Bumper. I was in the video store just a moment ago, and I heard a girl say to her friend,

I heard that Mall Cop was really good, but I'm not going to see it until I can watch it with Damien. Anyway, I thought it was funny damien said don't watch do you think it was ball blart or do you think it was observe and report do you think uh damien was the one who told her it was really good and do you think that damien is the devil lots of questions do you think the devil is like hey don't fucking see Mall Cop without me. We have that whole soul deal that we worked out. You fucking see that without me, it is on.

We are done. We are done. I hope to God she saw it without this supposed Damien and it really exploded things for them. Or for the planet. Yeah, for mankind. Sorry, humankind, guys. Humankind.

2009. It is 2009. On the verge of 2010. Can you believe it? We're so close to 2010. The sequel. The sequel to 2010. Hey, Graham and Dave, possibly guest.

This is Brock from Calgary. I haven't overheard for you. I was just in a blockbuster and there's these two little grade I don't know, I'd say they're maybe grade 5, like 9, 10, and they're looking at posters or something, two of them boys, and they said, hey, you know that Robert Pattison guy that all the girls like? Look how messy his hair is, and they don't even care.

Anyway, man, I love the podcast. Oh, yeah, you know, girls are crazy like that, even at age five. They don't care about combed hair. Grade five. Oh, it was grade five? Yeah. Yeah, five-year-olds don't know. They don't care about girls.

What were they? He said they were fifth graders? Yeah. Yeah, five-year-olds don't know. They don't care about girls. What were they? He said they were fifth graders? Yeah. That's great. That's when you're really trying to figure out, well, actually, all the way up until current day, really. Yeah. You're trying to figure out why is it that Robert Patterson is attractive.

You have to appreciate the fifth grader who's at the level of, what do women want? I tried combing my hair. You know that Robert Pattinson kid? Or is that the gay kid? And he's just trying to like, how do I start slowly revealing who I am? Does this guy seem dangerous to you guys? Yeah. Does this guy seem dangerous to you guys?

Yeah. Like, all I'm saying is, if you had the opportunity to style his hair, is that a yes? What hairstyles do you think would make this guy look better? But what wasn't reported there was the other kid going, like, my mom's going to be here in a second. Let's just go wait outside. Do you remember going to stores and they would have the rack of posters yes like the old ones from the video store you mean or like you go to a still popular oh yeah maybe yeah i guess in this day and age people still have walls yeah

there are still posters for movies uh you would go to like a bit like a music store and in the back they'd have the rack with all the posters and they would have a code on them and on and all the rolled up posters oh you mean like oh i'm sorry i thought you meant at like a video store where they had the leftover video posters and you would just pick them up and you'd be like one more man or you know like whatever horrible movies then, like, I think I had some movie posters up on my wall when I was a kid that had very little correlation to, like, that I enjoyed. I may have enjoyed an actor that's in the movie. Like, my cousin, he had one up on his wall that was Sandra Bullock in The Net. Well, nobody liked that movie.

I want the poster of Dennis Miller and Sandra Bullock. The Net. They wipe her off of offline. I want the poster of Dennis Miller and Sandra Bullock. The net. They wipe her off of offline. She doesn't exist. And throughout the movie, Dennis says some funny commentary about their current predicament. Have you seen Bordello of Blood, the Tales from the Crypt movie? No.

Yes. With Dennis Miller. With Dennis Miller. You almost have to, you have to see it just because it is, it's like the people writing the movie are like, all right, we're going to get Dennis Miller. Just fucking, just be Dennis Miller. Like, literally say exactly what Dennis Miller would say when you walk into this incredibly decorated room. Really reference it up.

Thanks for the murder, Bram Stoker. Exactly. You've seen it. You've seen the movie. Yes. Yeah, it's... He lives in a movie theater. His studio apartment is a movie theater.

And he's hurting for cash. I remember... Just sell this movie theater. You'd hurting for cash i remember just sell this movie theater you probably make a couple bucks there was this uh uh computer program you could get uh this was around like the mid mid 90s when people started getting cd roms yeah and uh dennis miller put out a cd rom and it was all about computer terminology. And they would have a... I don't think this is hilarious. They would have a nerd give the actual...

Oh, no. You'd type in a computer term like, What is RAM? And Dennis Miller would say, RAM was the beginning of the end for Paul McCartney. That's the only one I remember. Paul McCartney. That's the only one I remember. Paul McCartney's Ram album. And the nerd would say,

actually, Ram is... That sounds like a thing that you'd see in The Simpsons. I feel like if that was a comedy act that I could go watch with Dennis Miller and a computer nerd live. A night with Dennis Miller and Jeremy. What is C++?

What's the grade you hoped you'd get in junior high? But always, always the nerd chiming in. Never on the whole tour. Still, that is not correct. C++ actually. Still doesn't understand

Dennis' role. Why does he get to answer first? And it's never once been right. Why is he half the length? How is he making more money? First every time. He's like, and Dennis really cuts him off.

It's like one of these days. And it's always that. How is he making more money than me? He doesn't even know the topics. I'd be totally unaware of Dennis Miller's role. What is Java? Something coffee reference. Coffee reference. What would bring Juan Valdez

to your kitchen no it's a process a computer language guys this guy's really messing me up too it's not anything related to coffee thank you Dennis for yet again making this night last twice as long as it has to

any more questions for me for me only? Yeah, exactly. I'll be signing CD-ROMs in the lobby. He's selling more merch after the Q&A. You sell merch after a Q&A? Is that appropriate? I hope so.

What would the name of Dennis Miller's tour be? Oh. Talk in tech. I don't know this is great suck my cd wrong um are we uh technic dennis miller technically here technically yours now i saw him on the technically yours tour yeah well i'll tell you one thing i finally figured out how to get that cd out of my it was jammed to my computer so i learned he wasn't very helpful yeah it was funny like i've reused a lot of his material yeah i did this whole cd ramen bit when we were eating lunch the other day cd ramen go to china come to china

so um do we want to do kind of where are we at let's do the neighborhood segment play the theme who's that guy carrying the flag every day

what do you call him flag Pete, flag Frank? You don't know his name. So you made up a name. Yeah. So this segment, it's about if you have someone in your neighborhood that you see every few days who you've given a nickname to because of their behavior or the way they're dressed. And they,

they, you don't know them. Yeah. You don't know them. You don't know their name. So you've assigned them a name and you are living currently you're in New York city. So I'm assuming you've come across at least.

There are some regulars in some certain spots. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Um, when you first were talking about that the uh excuse me by the way i just burped that's all right don't worry about it you guys at home won't smell it we haven't gotten that far apple get to work um smell cast um there's one guy that i've just recently been introduced to uh there's a comic that works at a coffee shop right below my building so i'll go down there and have coffee and we'll chitter chat we saw a guy uh across the street on a bluetooth looked like he's reading a

script in like a velvet suit i was like oh that looks crazy and they're like oh yeah it's roller blades and so this is my introduction was like oh what these rollerblades are like yeah every week he kind of has a different look and he hangs out kind of on this street and he's always trying to like look different he said sometimes he'll come in with rollerblades into the coffee shop and it's a very small coffee shop i mean when you walk in like the counter's here but there's probably about that much space like in this is in new york so you got your it's a very minimized space coffee to go yeah coffee to go exactly and he's coming in doing like 360 moves in this like picture this space but literally from not even the whole wall the desk to the

bookshelf space he's doing 360 moves right before he gets up to the front of the line just to kind of bring that attention. And this particular day, he was over across the street in a full suit, reading a script with a Bluetooth. Everyone knows he's not talking to anyone. It's not even, it's just an old toothbrush he's got hooked over his ear. It is, yeah. If your store only has one guy

who comes in wearing rollerblades, can you put up a sign that says, no rollerblades? Yeah, exactly. Will he know it's just him? He'll be like, oh, it's me. I'm not allowed in here with this on. Who comes in?

He's doing tricks. That's funny, right? And there's no music for him to come in to dance to? Well, there's music in the coffee shop, so he's got a little bit of motivation. It's the only place in the neighborhood that plays my type of rollerblading music. Right before I get my double espresso. Do a couple 360s. There was a guy that used to come into the coffee shop I worked in.

And he, like you were saying, the guy was on the Bluetooth and he wasn't talking to anybody. We used to have a guy who came in with a laptop that obviously he got at the Salvation Army, like huge, huge old laptop, like the size of a suitcase. What's the password for Wi-Fi? And he would just sit there and type on it, but then you'd walk past it.

It wasn't on. There was nothing on the screen, but but then you'd walk past it. It wasn't on. There was nothing on the screen, but he was just typing away at it. It was like he had a therapist who was like, just pretend to be like you're doing whatever everybody else is doing in the coffee shop. Just be normal.

He's like, alright. Let's get one of those suitcases everybody seems tapping away at. Let's tap away at the suitcase. Just start carrying this around. So that's delightful. Rollerblades. That's the guy.

There's probably more, but I'm not home very often. No, but Rollerblades, if you're in New York, if you're at... On that street, too. Yeah, you just hang out at that coffee shop you'll see plenty of characters yeah but rollerblades star player absolutely top billing absolutely um uh before we kind of wrap it up the thing i've been liking to wrap it up with is uh and i've been fighting you you've been fighting yeah but uh And yet, I still persist. Something where you know that you're too old for it,

even if it's in the past, like something you knew you were too old for. Do you want to play this theme song? Yeah, oh yeah, we have a theme song for this. I forgot. Too old for, forget it. There you go. But something that you know that you're too old for But you still enjoy it adamantly Like it's

Even though you know it's And the example I always give is The first kind of thing in this segment was A friend and I were discussing how much we loved The Lion King And then we looked it up on IMDB when it came out And we were both way too old To have been that into The Lion King. So then we started this thing, and there's a surprising amount of people that have a thing, even to this day, that they enjoy, and they know that they're beyond.

Like, I still, on Saturday morning, before I get anything done, Saved by the Bell will be on. Oh, yeah. And I'll sit there and watch the entire half hour episode. Oh, yeah. You have to. Yeah. Yeah. It's only on once a week. But I know that I'm too old for it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I gotta, you know. But at least you're up early. That's true. That's true. That's kind of the saving grace of it, that I should be getting stuff done. I'm not. I'm watching Saved by the Bell. But at least you're not.

At least you're upwardly mobilely mobile too that's true i'm not disabled or in a coma um but is there anything do you have anything like that in your life i was trying to think about it um uh i'm kind of over it now but i remember there being a phase of you remember when laser tag came out like at the at the miniature golf places like they started including laser tag like yeah i that came out like i think when i was in like fifth maybe sixth grade and i fucking loved it and there was this uh when i graduated from college i started working for this news company this uh and i was in studio camera for a news show and they had their employee appreciation day and we they took us to this like uh fun park

and there was laser tag and i was like uh i went in and did it but was like also trying to be like guys what's a what time we doing laser tag and just just kind of getting this like, yeah, we'll do it, but why are you this? Why is that the reason you're going? Why are you here for just that? Why do you keep pressuring us? Can we not eat first? We're clearly in the middle of cheeseburgers. You've already got the setup on.

I've already got the chest thing and the helmet. Guys, when are you guys getting in the ring? I'm gonna go and map out the course because it's all black lights. I want to know all the corners. I'm not supposed to be out here with this on. When I did it, I just liked hiding.

I liked hiding. I loved going in You know when they would... You've both done it, right? Oh yeah, I have not. They release you... Oh, you haven't? No. Oh, they release you into this dark black lights and neon lights and strobe lights and some smoke and techno alien music going. Mortal Kombat, very popular song. Yes. Laser tag world.

I would run and just find a spot and be like, can I remain undetected the entire time? Would you snipe people? Would you pick people off while you were hiding? Or you were just like, can I remain undetected the entire time? Would you snipe people? Would you pick people off while you were hiding? Or you were just like, I don't know. I'm going to build a fort and no one's going to find me. Honestly, that was my goal. I would snipe people if the opportunity came up. But sometimes I wouldn't.

I didn't want to give away my spot. I paid $15 to not really play the game to observe um when when you play laser tag does the lasers make noise yeah well when they hit the thing it usually makes a noise that you've been hit can i um does it go pew pew pew pew yeah okay the gun itself goes pew pew yeah your gun will actually... You can keep a score. Your gun will say how many you've hit. But you don't see lasers flashing, do you? No. No.

But they do. There's a lot of strobe light situations. But I bet on the posters for them, you see lasers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And probably a head exploding. They know how to sell it.

Yeah, a guy with a grenade, a laser grenade that you throw in. So that's... It's been a wonderful podcast. Thank grenade that you throw in. So that's it's been a wonderful podcast. Thank you very much for joining. I appreciate it. You guys let me come in and hang out. Where, if people want to find you in the online universe, where do they go? Just my name dot com Rory

R-O-R-Y Scovel S-C-O-V-E-L dot com. Right on. And I put my shows and videos and stuff on there. And there's some really funny video stuff that you've done over the years that I've seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done some very, very funny stuff. So do check that out.

And we don't have anything to plug, I don't think, because this will come out a week from now or whatever. But thank you very much for listening. If anybody wants to contact us. Oh, yeah. And thanks to... We were voted number two in Best Local Podcast in the Georgia Strait. Oh yeah, thank you to everybody who voted in that.

We're very flattered. Yes, we're flattered but we'd still like to keep our distance. But thank you again. Yes, thank you for everybody who voted for that. That's very, very cool of you to do that. Yeah, if you again. Yes, thank you for everybody who voted for that. That's very, very cool of you to do that. And yeah, if you enjoy the podcast, you can find us at StopPodcastingYourself.com.

Or if you want to write to us, it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. And if you want to call us, it's 206-339-8328. 206-339-TEET. 328-206-339-TEET. And thank you very much for listening and come back next week for another enthralling edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself.