Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 832 - Jon Dore

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Comedian Jon Dore returns to talk sleepwalking, hitting the post, and Graham’s Juno Award nomination.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 832 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's wearing, I think, probably the best hat in all pro sports. Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, this is a former baseball team called the Victoria Muscles from Victoria, British Columbia. The logo is a muscle with muscles. And also, it's wearing a hat. It's also wearing a hat. Yeah, it's wearing a little hat. No, it's wearing a hat.

It's also wearing a hat. Yeah, it's wearing a little hat. No, it's literally a hat and a hat. Oh, yeah, and that's too much. Yeah, it's a muscle on a muscle.

Guys, I'm so glad we're all back together. Yeah, me too. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, one of our all-time faves,

it's John Doerr. Hi, John. Hey, guys, great to be here. Graham, lovely to see you. What's your name again? Dave. Dave, good to see you. Loveerr. Hi, John. Hey, guys. Great to be here. Graham, lovely to see you. What's your name again? Dave. Dave, good to see you. Love the hat. Thanks, John.

Is that really a muscle? Yeah. The blue part is a muscle as well. Yeah, right? I guess so. I don't know. What muscle would that be? Is the white accenting the tissue in the muscle? I can't actually see it right now. The muscle, like it's a shellfish muscle. Oh, a muscle. Yeah. So that's what's got

the muscles it's got like big biceps right gotcha i see the biceps on the side now yeah gotcha okay took you a second but you got it yeah it did take me a bit uh should we get to know us yeah we probably should. Get to know us. John, you're in town. Last night you did a taping of The Debaters. Yes. Which at some point, some weirdo in the audience started booing, which I don't think happens.

It doesn't happen often with the show. And did we ever get to the bottom of it? Were they booing John? I don't know. i was speaking at the time but it was a strange i think it was supposed to be a fun i'm participating boo yeah but it didn't make sense like well i don't think it made no it didn't make sense everybody was confused it's this tiktok crowd work culture we're dealing with no yeah this is part of the discussion that came up after the show last night are we posting too too many stand-up comedy clips of hecklers interrupting?

And is that fostering, is that creating an environment where more people feel like that's part of the show? We don't know. But yeah, it didn't make sense when they booed. And then their explanation when I asked for, why are you booing, didn't make sense at all. It didn't make any sense. I don't know what that was. It was something about. Something about an orange.

Something about someone wearing an orange shirt. It made zero sense. What was the debate? Something about an orange. Something about someone wearing an orange shirt. It made zero sense. What was the debate? Well, I was pro.

Our step parents are the unsung heroes of parenting. And I was for the argument and Charlie was against it. But you're both styles. You're a stepdad and you're a biological dad. Yes, yes. I'm a hero. An unsung one. And I am also a biological parent. I've seen it from both sides.

Yeah. Yeah. I've lived an incredible life. What would be the highlight? sung one and i am also a biological parent i've seen it from both sides yeah yeah i've uh i've lived an incredible life um what would be the highlight of my life yeah yeah well this podcast isn't over yet this could be it um i mean there's a lot of highlights um a lot of great moments podcast a lot of times i've been on this podcast a lot of times that's one of them it's on there it's not top three it's not it's not top 10 but it's there it's it's it exists i uh a lot of times that's one of them it's on there it's not top three it's not it's not top 10 but it's there it's it's it exists i uh a lot of highlights for me uh probably um probably making it to the quarterfinals of the uh basketball tournament in 11th grade at brookfield high school okay what stopped you at the very end don't even worry about it i gave it maximum effort um

we had some weak links on the team. Sure. Who won that year? Probably Ridgemont. I can't even remember. Yeah. Because once we lost, I just secluded myself in the west wing of the home and cried. And I visualized a better season for next year. But everyone quit and we had a terrible team. So that's one of them anyway.

Yeah. For sure. But yeah, I know several highlights. When you were in basketball, was that after-school practice or was that a preschool when i was in basketball when you're playing what do you mean well what were the practices before and after school depending on really there's gym time it was hard to get gym time all right okay so there was other teams it was easy because you got before and after school practices no dave see ideally you go to practice after school, but then there was a junior girls basketball practice.

So we had to share time with them. And if there wasn't gym time, we would practice at 7 a.m. or at 6.30 a.m. some mornings. No, Graham, don't lie. When you are invested in basketball, you show up. I would have been, I was a gym rat. I would have slept over in the gymnasium. What's your, what's your best gym workout? What's your-to this is a good question what is my best gym workout yeah

and it shows that graham knows a lot of things yeah yeah yeah what sport did you play sports in high school i played i was a runner and i did some sport i did some wrestling uh pro wrestling off the top what kind of running? Like cross country, long distance? Yeah, cross country. Were you a sprinter, 100 meter type? I did distance. It was not much of a sprint. You ever do a steeplechase?

That looks like a lot of fun. There's a big puddle. Jumping. Oh, yes, I did. And it's hard. It's harder than hurdles. You did do steeplechase? Yeah, you tried everything.

Was there steeplechasing in high school? Yeah. You had a steeplechasing track? Yeah. There was one school that did, for sure. Did they need to add a puddle to a track? It's got one big hurdle. Yeah, there's one guy that goes out and soaks it. He goes out early and soaks the whole track.

Soaks it up. That's his one job that day, is to take the tarp off so it can rain in that puddle. So this was in Calgary? Mm-hmm. Wow. I didn't think steeplechasing would ever be a thing. Well, it's stampede country, so they like a thing jumping over a little fence. Yeah.

So, it's basically for horses, and then the humans run the track. Yeah, and the humans do it. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. You get extra points if you're two guys in a horse costume? Yep. Oh, my God. You each get a medal.

They hang one around the butt and one around the back. Yeah, but it's half a medal. It's heart-shaped and you have to connect them. I can never tell when you're joking. Is that real? What? The two people in the horse costume? I don't know.

That's not a real category. Oh, you're making it up. No, no. I don't. Yeah, I can never tell when he's joking either. Yeah, okay. Because I got lost. I don't want to be the only one.

Because I've seen the two people in the horse costume before. I didn't connect it with the Olympics. Yeah, maybe it was like the mascot event. I would love it if mascots from high schools competed. What was your mascot? Do you remember? Well, we didn't have an actual mascot, but we were the Brookfield Blues, like the St. Louis Blues. Oh, right.

That's a terrible. The St. Louis Blues, their logo is a music note. We'll use a blues in that sense? I would imagine. Otherwise, what would we be? We had a big bass guitar. We were the Brookfield 12-bar blues. But wait a minute.

I wish we had a steeplechase rack, but our school ain't got enough funding. We had really sad blues songs. Well, that's the point. And our pep rallies. We never had a pep rally. That was not a thing. Yeah. I don't think that's a thing in Canada, is it?

No. We didn't either. Pep rallies aren't a thing, and neither is homecoming. No. Yeah. And also, like, football, or maybe it varies from high school to high school, is not the big deal that it is in the States. No, it's not.

I feel like sports in general, except for hockey, is not a big thing in Canada. At the high school level, maybe a few exceptions, but yeah. What about Sweet 16? That's an American thing. That's not really Canada. Oh, I guess so. Because those are huge parties.

People post pictures of like, you get a bunch of money and you hang out and you get a car. Like, what are you talking about? Sweet 16. Sweet 16. And then, I have,

I have, Do they have bar mitzvahs in the States or is that just Canada? It's just Canada. It's just Canada. Okay, just Canada.

I went to bar mitzvahs when I was 13. Yeah, I, David Edelstein, my friend, he had one. What was happening there?

I don't know. We just had to wear a tie and a blazer. Did you have to wear a yarmulke when you went in the temple? I did. They gave me a kippah, I think they called it at the time. But what's the difference between a kippah and a yarmulke?

You're asking the wrong guy. I think a kippah is a yarmulke, but you get to take it home. It's a kippah. And I have. But that's where we drank white wine. We weren't supposed to, but we drank white wine at the gym. Well, you were men now. Yes.

Because your friend got bar mitzvahed. He did. He got bar mitzvahed. So I got to go to that. Knew nothing about what it meant to be bar mitzvahed other than we had to show up in a tie. I also heard like big amounts of presents and cash are a big part of the experience. I think so. I don't remember a bunch of that though.

But yeah. Yeah. You maybe wouldn't open the presents in the company of. Right. Yeah. All of your parents. It's because it's such a huge party. It's like.

Right. Everybody. Did you, have you been to any? Nope. Oh boy. No, I know,

uh, I know of one that I was not invited to. Oh, it was the talk of the town. What do you mean? Uh, it was a kid that I didn't have any connection to. Oh,

okay. But a lot of my friends went and said it was great. Ah i didn't have any connection to oh okay but a lot of my friends went and said it was great ah yeah well it is one of those fun things like my friend david would like he'd have to go to hebrew school yeah you know after school and then i can't remember saturday or sunday he'd spend like hours at hebrew school i remember going through his book and like you've learned a this language you know how to write in this bizarre language like i'm bare like english is difficult enough and you have to do all of this work so he learned this language. You know how to write in this bizarre language? Like, English is difficult enough,

and you have to do all of this work. So he earned all that money at the bar mitzvah for having to go to Hebrew school. Having to go and having a gila. That's funny, right? The way you say that. Yeah. There was nothing better as a young teenager as just having cash.

When somebody give you like a relative and just give you a card full of cash. Do you remember, like, how old were you when you got your first debit card? Oh, probably not until post high school. I don't think I had a debit card. Yeah, I didn't have one. I think I had one at about 15 or 16

and just being like, okay, I got 65. It's like it was the first nerve-wracking thing of like okay i want to buy this little guitar pedal and it's 65 dollars and i have 65 dollars on my card but what's the tax gonna be and oh wow like what did they it wasn't a tap back then well how did you they didn't like to chunk the card you put it in and well no it wasn't even chip and pin that's what i'm saying slide it was slide okay slide and pin but yeah i can't remember what the terminals were like it was sliding pin but or you just go to the atm and take cash out and pay for your pedal yeah you're buying pedals at 16 i don't know you should grab one of these guitars and play us a riff david give us something i couldn't all right i'll push into it a little

later if you like. Oh, maybe. But yeah, cash when you were a kid was the best. I mean, paper routes were the best when I

had a paper. Did you guys have a paper route? No. Oh, my God. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, middle of the winter, walking

through a blizzard and fierce winds in your face. Gale force, I'd even argue. How big was your route? Mine was not great.

It was, well, it was big enough. I had to make two trips. So you leave your paper, put a rock on top of the papers you can't fit in your bag hope they don't blow away um and then you i would do half the route and then have to come back and pick up the rest of the paper do the rest of the rest is this a morning or an afternoon after school yeah that's why yeah they're obsolete now because people want their news in the morning and they're probably just absolute absolute probably absolute obsolete now because uh we're getting our news yeah my parents still get their i get a paper but it's

a guy who comes in a honda yeah two in the morning exactly yes so that's not i wish that was the case like if i was 13 years old driving a honda around at two in the morning you know it's like i could get some sleep i gotta go to a Burmese for tomorrow. But the best paper routes were the friends who had them in apartment buildings. Oh, wow. Because you would just take them all in the elevator, and you'd go to the top floor. You'd wedge one of the garbage cans outside the elevator

so it doesn't go down. Drop all your paper. You'd be done that route in minutes. Yeah. Yeah, same money. Was it per paper that you got paid or was this a you would have to go and collect oh wow people see the subscription and some people paid it directly to the office but otherwise you'd have to go and collect cash and then if you made

if you collected more cash than you earned you had to pay that cash back to the supervisor so you'd have to meet him every two weeks to pay him his money it It was a racket too. Some people wouldn't be home or they, if they were, they wouldn't answer the door and they'd be backlogged for three weeks. It's like, I'm a kid over here. Yeah. I can't,

how am I going to get this money? And I have to pay it somehow. I've got to give it to the supervisor. Yeah. Oh, I'd get mad. What would you do? I'd be banging on doors.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's about it. And what would the supervisor do? I know it wasn't a big deal. It's just eventually you collect or the, yeah, I can't remember how they worked it out. that's about it. And what would the supervisor do if he didn't have the money? No, it wasn't a big deal. It's just eventually you collect or the, yeah. I can't remember how they worked it out. There's no way.

There's no way it all came out even. No. It was weird. But all to say when you had, when you're whatever, 11, 12 years old and you've got a wad of cash in your pocket and you're just walking past stores and there's like candy or toys or like, I mean, it was an arcade. If you came across an arcade with a wad of cash in your pocket when you were 12. Yeah. No better feeling of freedom.

Yeah. And I had a wad of cash from, I can't remember what, but I bought myself a chip and pepper t-shirt. Were they Canadian? I don't know. Chip and pepper. Were they, um.

They were bulldogs. Yeah. They were bulldogs. Well, I'm thinking, maybe thinking of TNC surf company. No, yes. Yeah. No, chip and pepper had They were bulldogs. Yeah, they were bulldogs. Well, I'm thinking maybe thinking of TNC Surf Company. No, yes. Yeah. No, Chip and Pepper had, this was a tie-dye Chip and Pepper shirt, which it felt so nice to buy something with.

I don't remember Chip and Pepper. I don't know who they are. It was, so it was, was it the style of t-shirt that had little something on the breast, like a little circle or whatever, and then the back, giant thing on the back. No, there was a thing on the front. It was two bulldogs, muscly bulldogs. Yeah.

Chip, and I want to say... Chip and his friend, Pepper. Yeah, I forget. And I think maybe they wore sunglasses. Yeah. There were dogs that wore sunglasses. Were really fit dogs. I don't know Chip and Pepper.

No? No, this is wild. Do you remember TNC Surf Shop No What about Mr. Zog Sex Wax

Yes I remember Sex Wax I remember Varney Varney Varney Shirts This is Chip and

Chip and Pepper Wet Wear Okay I know I definitely know That logo Okay gotcha Yeah I don't know

Yeah I guess They're muscular The one I had Where you could see Their upper bodies I definitely know that logo. Okay, gotcha. I don't know if they're, yeah, I guess they're muscular. The one I had there where you could see their upper bodies. That's a very revealing, yeah, you got that one. I know, these are the guys who invented chip and pepper.

Yeah, and they got into making really high-end jeans. And bread, it looks like here. And high-end bread. They don't go well together. Jeans and bread? Yeah. Take it easy on the old bread

if you got those jeans. Well, a baguette goes in the back pocket. Yeah. You can get a baguette back there. That's smart. Yeah.

It's hard to like, shoplift a baguette out of a store in your pant leg because you end up being... What's that from? I don't know. Did we do a joke

about that once? About a baguette? About shoplifting baguettes in your pants? I don't know. I feel like that's something we talked about here on the show once. Well, I don't know. But, yeah, the ultimate Chip and Pepper fan is a guy wearing that shirt,

pair of blue jeans, baguette out of the back pocket. That's how you know that's a cool dude. But, yeah, what was the first, like, big purchase you made as a youth? I have no idea. After your garments. I have no idea. There were always little dumb things. I don't think there was

any big thing I saved up for and purchased. Like, I mean, to buy a guitar pedal at 13 is great. Yeah. But I have, no, I have none of those.

It was just... Super Nintendo? Sega Genesis? We had a Sega Genesis. No, pardon me, we had a ColecoVision. Okay. ColecoVision.

I didn't buy that. That was a Christmas gift from the folks. I mean, they said it was Santa, but it was them. Are you sure? Yeah. How can you be sure? 100p bro.

100p bro. Was it because they had the same handwriting as mom and dad? Yeah. It was after a while you figure it out. You have a stepdaughter who is how old? I have no idea. And does she believe in- Probably nine or 10.

Does she believe in Santa Claus? No, not anymore. Well, she, she kind of figured it out and, uh, we still tell her like, oh, you might be right. But I, I mean, there's, we can't explain some of these gifts under the tree. So we still play along with her, but yeah, no, she knows there's no, there's no Santa. She's smart. She's with it. Uh, Jackson, he's two years old.

He's the bio kid. I have a step parent and a bio kid And so my step child Emma she is wise to it But Jackson is far too dumb still He's only two He only just turned two He probably doesn't even really know Santa

Like it's hard to explain to a two year old who Santa is anyway I don't even bother I've tried a couple times pointing at pictures Santa Santa and he doesn't get it So I just take the picture and I smash it. Yeah. And you've, you kind of told them like, if a big, a fat man with a big beard comes to the door, let him in. Yeah.

And he's probably collecting the newspaper money. Yes. Yeah. No, uh, Emma doesn't believe in Santa. What about your kids? We have one who, uh, figured it out in the last year or so okay and now what do you think what was their methodology in figuring this out do you think they like snuck around and found a present i think she saw me delivering uh money to the tooth for like

me being the tooth fairy for the younger girl oh wow okay and then it was all this is a hoax this is all well also her teacher this year they they, I think I talked about this before. The grade fives are big buddies to the grade twos. Oh, wait, no, grade four. She's in grade four. They're big buddies to the grade twos and they go and help them. Yeah. And they had to help the grade ones or twos write a letter to Santa.

Right. And the teacher was like, now, can we all pretend santa still exists for these the teacher said that yeah that's not good basically that one kidding one kid going what do you mean why are we writing these letters um but uh but also i mean they're having conversations at school which i learned these kids they talk amongst themselves at school yeah i don't like it i don't like it either i think they they should be, like, just learning should be in their own kind of soundproof booth. Yeah, some kind of brain attachment

where they sit at a desk and then knowledge is plunged into their brain. Yes. I like that. Yeah, and even better that they just live the rest of their lives virtually through goggles and don't interact at all except with images that are digitally created.

Yeah, and then they're fed some kind of goo. And then I don't have to, you know, cut up. Yeah, and then the three of us can go. Cut crusts off bread. And then the three of us can pack up and go to Mexico, right guys? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we'll just get in a van and go? Yeah.

Can we do that honestly though for one time? Just three of us, please? In a van? Can we fly? No, van it, please. Okay, we'll fly, but we've got to get in a van at one point. We'll get a van down there. We'll bring the podcast equipment and we'll do it.

Okay. And I'll be the third member of Stop Podcasting. That sounds great. What, we'll fly, but we've got to get in a van. We'll get a van down there. We'll bring the podcast equipment and we'll do it. Okay. And I'll be the third member of Stop Podcasting. That sounds great. What if we do that for real, guys? What if I'm the third member from now on? Okay. That's fine. That would be great.

But hold on. Back this up. So at school, da-da-da-da-da, your kid found out. And what is the, like, is it best? Is there any studies that have done with Santa Claus and whatever? I mean, there's the theory, like lie to your kids and there's those people. But Santa Claus is a fun one and it's innocent. Because as a kid, I don't remember being crazy about Santa.

Oh, I love Santa. I was mostly just like my parents would dial six numbers on the phone and pretend to call Santa. Nice. That's cute. They'd be like, Dave won't go to bed. Oh, that's funny. phone and pretend to call santa nice that's like dave won't go to bed oh that's funny yeah did you ever like i think it was a thing on the radio where it was like norad was yes tracking santa i love it now you you can get there's an app yeah i hate that huddle around the radio you don't like

that i think it's too it's it uh invites too many questions it's like like, what is NORAD? Are we still participating in it? Why? Okay, how is he possibly spending, like, five seconds in this city?

Like, he did New York in five seconds? Okay, yeah, but this is part of the imagination of the child.

I know, but it's easier to imagine if you're not adding this element of, like, okay, you have to track them every second. Like your kids walking off to bed and they stop in their tracks and they turn around and they go, wait a minute, dad, I have questions. This NORAD that's tracking.

I think it's adorable. It's enough. You watch the news, you get the the weather You get the weather report Oh my god it would be great if Santa went down one year Yeah yeah He had to be shot down Breaking news we're getting reports That a sleigh has crashed into a mountain

We don't have any details but some Reporters are saying that it could Be Santa's sleigh Well it's that Christmas vacation line where Clark Griswold's at the family table, always trying to make things great. And of course his cousin, what's his name? Eddie.

Eddie. Eddie has no money. And Clark says, well, I got a report that they spotted Santa. And then Eddie says, you sure about that, Clark? One of the greatest lines ever. Let's not promise it for sure um but uh what about easter bunny i feel like easter bunny is the more hard to pretend that it exists we don't even that's not a thing we just hide chocolates and then we can pick them up i don't think we ever yeah and

there's no like we there's no mythology of the easter bunny you don't know where that's true you don't know i was gonna say she lives but i don't know where. That's true. You don't know. I was going to say she lives, but I don't know the Easter Bunny's gender. That's true. I don't know the Easter Bunny's pronouns. Yeah. Let's just say they. They. Easter Bunny.

They. Yeah. So that is the trio is the Tooth Fairy, Santa, and the Easter Bunny. And the Leprechaun. Oh, the Leprechaun. What would they do? They just come in. Yeah, they come and

they green your beer. Oh, yeah. And the Beer Devil. The Beer Devil. He's the one who... Yeah. Do you guys not have the Beer Devil?

No. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is this? Is this real? Yeah, so if... Is this real? Two guys and a horse

winning a steeplechase. Well, I'm not going to tell you if you're going to make jokes about it. I want to know what the beer devil is. So in our house anyway, and I think this is every house, if Emma doesn't bring me a beer at seven o'clock while I'm lying on the couch watching sports highlights, then the devil comes and wakes her up out of her sleep that night and threatens to slit her throat.

That's the beer devil. But just threatens. Oh, yeah, well, I mean, it's usually good enough. Emma has night terrors. Does she have trouble sleeping? She used to have night terrors. Emma, you know what she does now? She sleepwalks. Oh, yeah. And talks.

Like full-on stepbrothers, like blathering about nothing. And she's done like weird little like body movements. And yeah. Body movements. The night before I came here, the night before I came. So I came in yesterday. So the night before, I finally, the kids and Christina get to bed. I'm making a casserole because Emma loves it.

And I'm like, oh, I got to make this before I go. I'm slaving away in the kitchen at 11 o'clock at night. You're sweating. Into the casserole. I wasn it. I'm like, I got to make this before I go. I'm slaving away in the kitchen until 11 o'clock at night. You're sweating into the casserole. I wasn't sweating, Graham. Come on. That's gross.

It is gross. So, and I was not. I want to make that very clear to the listener. I don't sweat in casseroles. All right? But it's a great,

it's a lovely hamburger casserole. And so I put that in the fridge and I'm finally, I'm only going to get about four hours sleep. So I finally get into the bed. Jackson's asleep.

All the kids are in our bedroom, by the way. Emma sleeps on a mattress on the floor and we got uh co-sleeping with jackson so it's a big fun family event yeah yeah every bed no danger of having a another child no there is no danger nothing's gonna happen although anyway so um so i finally crawl into bed and i started to close my eyes and then i hear a noise and i look and it's emma and she's up and she's talking and she says something about cookies and then she leaves the room and I'm like, she's sleepwalking. So now she's out in the house and I'm so tired.

I'm like, oh, she'll be back. And I just closed my eyes. And then I remember, oh my God, no, they're like, there's never a 0% chance that kids will not kill you in your sleep. There's never that. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like, I better go. Cause what if she's got a knife or something?

Yeah. And she's dreaming about that casserole, like cut into the casserole. If she gets into that casserole, I'm going to be mad. So I go into the other room and there's Emma in the TV room, in the living room, just sitting there in the dark,

just like scratching her arm and staring at nothing. Oh, okay. Creepy. I'm going to come back to bed. So I bring the psychopath back to bed. But you just walk her back

and she was right to sleep. She has no memory of it happening. But yeah. And you're not supposed to wake them up. Well, she, yeah, I mean, I don't startle her awake

and say, what's wrong? What are you doing, motherfucker? I'm trying to sleep and you're walking around the goddamn house? So, yeah, but you just walk her back into the room she goes right into the bed covers up and falls asleep it is bizarre behavior have you ever done it either

you know but i have maybe but i i don't know uh yeah one time that i can remember and i ended up i was fell asleep or i ended up in the bathtub and my roommate at the time was like found me with faucet dripping on my head. So I was soaked, but I don't remember how I got there. Was there alcohol involved? No, this was just like a sleep. Like a slow drip? Yeah, slow drip.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Because I can't, I don't think it's my story to tell, but a friend of the show went to an Airbnb with his girlfriend. went to an Airbnb with his girlfriend and she, they, someone was wrong with the Airbnb, like couldn't get the code to the door so they called the host and the host was like, well I'll give you this other code that opens any door in this complex Oh shit. Oh boy. And uh So our friend

went to bed with his girlfriend, his girlfriend sleepwalks yeah she gets up in the middle of the night leaves their unit oh my god goes over to another unit knows the code oh shit because i guess that part of your brain is yeah wow and uh i think that that she was startled awake so there were other people in the unit? In the other unit. I don't know. Yeah, I think. Okay.

Wow. Oh, my God. It's wild. It's bizarre. Yeah. This sleepwalking thing. They're like zombies. They're just like they're possessed and they're walking through the house and eating brains.

I love it. My wife also sleepwalks and sleep talks. Okay. Yeah. But not enough talk to put together a narrative. Yeah. My wife sleep raps. Does she?

Yeah. What style is she? Kind of like, what era? Yeah, sort of conscious, like, ironically, it's very conscious, like, wordplay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not so much gangsta stuff. Because she does that When she's awake She's a little

Like a little more Hip hop about it Like is she a member Is she her Like a solo artist Or is she a member No she's You can tell she's

She's only singing Parts of the rap Yeah you can tell She's one of the Beastie boys Yeah gotcha She'll be like Avocado

Desperado Yeah Gotcha. She'll be like, yeah. Avocado. Desperado. Yeah. And me, Mike D, in a long pause. Yeah. Well,

that'd be fun. If you had a beastie boy rapping all the way through the house at night. Yeah. That would be cool. That's great. Yeah. Anyway,

thanks for listening, everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye right now. Stay tuned. We're going to be.

Are you going to pick up that guitar? Join us. We're going to do our. Everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stay tuned. We're going to be, uh, pick up that guitar. Join, uh, join us. Uh, we're going to do our Mexico trip. Yeah. Yeah.

Where are we going to go? Cancun. We're going to, uh, Tijuana. We're going to, uh, uh,

Oaxaca. What if we went, what other places in Mexico do you know? We're going to, uh, Tom Segura. We're going to, uh,

Guadalajara. Why don't we get, Why don't we get a... Okay, this is what we do. Okay, well, let's take some money. We'll each take... Dave. Let's invest in a Winnebago, okay? A podcast studio in the back.

And we'll travel down the coast and we'll bring people along. Spy heads. What do you call your listeners? Bumpers. Bumpers. They're bumpers? Yeah. Why do they call them listeners? Bumpers. Bumpers. They're bumpers? Yeah.

Why do they call them bumpers? It goes back to the first episode. Really? Yeah. I misspoke. I referred to our listeners as bumpers because the little music things we play, those are bumpers. Yeah. I referred to the people by bumpers.

Okay. That's fun. Okay. So now they're bumpers. What a great origin story for the fans of Spy. So the bumpers can follow us and come on this journey. Deadhead style. We'll go to Mexico.

We'll set up a little commune. And then everyone, there has to be a leader. We'll call it me. Okay. And then everyone will kind of, if they need guidance or, you know, a way of how, the best way for me to teach people how to live their lives is I'll spend time alone with their wives. And then they will

leave this shack where we... Anyway. And they'll go work. They'll go... They have to produce some kind of wealth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's best to have these conversations in the nude and then the wives will go back and explain, you know, the policies

of how to live on the commune and we'll call it the spy commune. That sounds good. So let's get that started. What are the policies? It's a work in progress.

Yeah, but it's mostly. They're in my head. They're in my head. And actually, oh no, I'm not going to make that joke. But anyway. I don't know what it was, but boy, it must have been bad. If John won't say it. I just have a lot of respect for people.

Yeah, I know. And I'm not willing to. You always have. I'm not willing for people. Yeah, I know. And I'm not willing to. You always have. I'm not willing to go. Yeah, I have. Yeah. I always have. Are you.

Scorpio? Yeah, are you Scorpio? Yeah, you bet. What's your birthday? November. Yeah. 15th. 35.

November 35th. Oh, yeah. November 2nd. November 2nd. Okay, right at the top of the month. Nice. Yeah, yeah. Great to be at the top of the month.

Do you do anything for your birthday? Do you ignore it? Or is that. No, I don't. Do you share your birthday with any celebrities? I have no idea. We could look it up. We could look it up.

I have no idea. November 2nd. I know I don't do much for my birthday. I prefer to do nothing at all. Yeah. To be honest with you. And it's hot on the heels of Halloween and the kids getting out there in the world. So, you know, it's nice when people forget.

Yeah. Because, you know, I love when people forget because they feel guilty. And then the next day you're flooded with calls. Like, yeah, he did forget. How do you feel? My dad's birthday, we forgot one year. He's September 12th. What year was that?

2001 after the attacks on the World Trade Center. Well, David Schwimmer. Oh, David Schwimmer. Oh, is that right? Nelly. Oh, Nelly. Furchato?immer. Oh, is that right? Nelly. Oh, Nelly. Furchato? No.

Oh. Straight up Nelly. A lot of, oh, Marianne Twinnett. Ooh. And a lot of not so famous, famous people. Who's that guy with the hat? Stevie D? Stevie J.

Oh, Stevie J. 52. 52 years young. Stevie J. Anyway, a great birthday. One of the best. Who's that? Alfonso Davies Canadian soccer star

It's kind of my own day You know It's my own day November 2nd When's your birthday? I keep that Information Locked up

Do you really? I will tell you I'm a Pisces Wait you do? Did you say Pythes? Pythes Yes I'm a pylon

No I said Pisces Oh I thought You said Pythes Yeah Pythes I thought you said Pythes It's fine if you do You can say say pythies pythies yes i'm a i'm a pylon no i said pisces oh i thought it was pisces yeah if it's fine if you do you can say you see so fine you are a pythies but you won't share your birthday is that right why is that i don't like it yeah really yeah no one knows the day you were born other than you and who oh why i know he knows dave but you you you respect graham yeah no we're not going any further what do you mean why won't you share your birthday because i don't like it but why just i i just have never have so i just like to i like it to just go unnoticed like you you said you like it to go on notice what yeah but i have no problem

saying it's november 2nd but now everybody's going to wish you a happy birthday. Yeah, that's fine. If it gets noticed, great. But I don't want to have a big party. I don't want to, you know. What about a bar mitzvah? I'd love to go to a bar mitzvah. Oh, you know what?

When we go to Mexico, maybe you can have a quinceañera. What is that? It's a 15th birthday party. I know nothing about this tradition. Well, me neither. I know the name. Yeah, there's quinceañera. And then there, what is the thing that's a 15th birthday party. I know nothing about this tradition. Well, me neither. I know the name. Yeah, there's quinceanera. And then there, what is the thing that's like in rich circles?

It's debutante? Oh, yeah. Like it's coming out as a debutante. Is it rich circles or is it like the South? I don't know. So, but what is the Mexican 15th birthday is what? Quinceanera. Quinceanera. Quinceañera?

Yeah, quince means 15. Okay. Añera. Añera. There is the, you know, año means year. Yeah. So we're in that ballpark of understanding stuff. Yeah.

Yes, sir. But when would yours be if you were in Mexico and you're a 15-year-old? When my quinceañera would be? Yeah, like what month and date? It would be. In the month that the Pisces are around. The Pisces. Yeah.

It's in March. It's the Ides of March. It's not the Ides of March. Somewhere around the Ides. This is the most information he's ever given, probably. Yeah, I'll respect your decision. Thank you. You're welcome. I do find it slightly odd is december 1st thanks for asking i'm getting

to you you're d1 huh okay yeah we got a lot of decembers in our house yeah yeah christina and emma both uh d1s jackson feb one feb four oh yeah just celebrated yeah just celebrated it was what did you do what was the party We kept it super low-key. I made him a cake. I called the Fred Meyer Bakery Department. Tried to get up for three days. Could not get through them. Had to go to HR of all places they put me through to.

They went over to the Bakery Department. There was no one there at the Fred Meyer Bakery Department. Do you know where Fred Meyer is? It's a grocery store? It's got it's kind of like a Walmart. It's low-rent Walmart. You're in Juneau? Juneau, Alaska.

Correct. The capital city. 30,000 people. Not a great place to live. Want to get out. We're getting there. We're moving back to Canada. Do you know about that?

Oh, you really? Well, that's the plan. I mean, I know you want to. Oh, yes. And we're going to. It's happening. If it doesn't happen. Where, where, where?

My life is becoming The Shining. You've seen that movie Of course you have Yeah it's getting We're getting very close To living that life Too far away from It makes John a dull boy

Yeah yeah yeah We're getting close Where would you move Where are you planning Near Ottawa That would be the plan Near family Friends

Yeah let's make a career Out of whatever career I have left Let's make that in Canada Politics I would take anything at this point. Yeah. Yeah.

Local weatherman would be all right. Oh, I think it would be great as a local weatherman. I would actually really enjoy that. But, uh, no, I mean,

continue writing. You can't be a local weatherman anymore. Everyone's too woke. It's like, I feel like the old weatherman of my youth, they're all, none of them would survive now. You can't say anything.

Yeah. First of all, weatherman itself. Right. You can't even say. Yeah. Yeah. Weather person. Sure.

Fine. Yeah. I know this upsets you. It gets you riled up. Yeah. We'll say weatherman for the purposes of the rest of this conversation. That would be fun. Who is your weather person?

J.J. Clark. J.J. Clark. J.J. Clark. C.J.O.H. It's the local CTV affiliate in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. The evening newscast was hosted by Max Keeping. No longer with us. Yes.

Okay. Ours was Dar McBool. Dar McBool. Yeah, Dar McBool. And I think it was the slogan was like, keep cool with Dar McBool. I love it. Yeah. Yep. That's good. And he was great. He was with Dharmakul. I love it. Yeah. Yep.

That's good. And he was great. He was fun. I don't know if we had a slogan. I know the guy on King 5 News in Seattle was Jeff Renner. And the slogan was, Jeff said it would happen. And people would look out the window and be like, Jeff said it would happen. It's fun.

We had, so that was your local affiliate in Seattle. This was like an NBC news or whatever. Okay, yeah. We got Rochester news in Ottawa, so upper New York State. It was all, that was our, so Saturday morning cartoons, you'd learn all about Rochester, New York. Yeah. Gabe Delmuth was the anchor of the evening news there.

And he'd always be live from the East Chi-Li Mall. And all the commercials were for House of Guitars and Janey Grocery 139 Reynolds Street. I'll never forget that. Did they have Celino and Barnes injury attorneys?

Probably, or a version of it. Whatever local lawyers were trying to... Yeah, we had a lot of... We had Vern Funk insurance from Seattle. Oh, Vern Funk. Yeah, make sure to lot of, we had Vern Funk insurance from Seattle. Oh, Vern Funk.

Yeah, make sure to honk when you drive by Vern Funk. Honk when you drive by Vern Funk. Yeah. This week's specials are Chicken Leg, $1.39 a pound. T-Bone Steak, $2.42 a pound. Janie Grocery, $1.39, Reynolds Street. Wow. Yes.

I cannot find that commercial anywhere online. I've looked forever. But it was all just horrible pictures of meat and the special, and then he'd walk the length of the counter and then announced to camera at 1.39. Well, you know what? At least they had people working there.

It's not like this Fred Meyer where they don't even show up. Thanks, Dave. So I call the Fred Meyer Bakery. Thank you so much, by the way, for getting me back on track. I do want to thank you for that, okay? Because sometimes I'll get off track

and I don't intend to. One time I got so off track. Let me tell you this story. So I call the Fred Meyer bakery and, uh, finally get through them. I see our phones have been down for three days. I don't have time to do your cake.

I get furious. I'm like, well, I'm not letting this stop me. So I'll go out and I buy a Duncan Hines cake and I get all the ingredients and I go to town and I make the cake. I buy the icing. I draw a little road on top of it with a dotted

line in the middle. I buy these tiny little Hot Wheels cars and I pop them on the cake and put a little street sign on there. It says, happy birthday, Jackson. Very happy about this. Proud about it. He could care less.

He barely looked at it. Yeah. But then we got him his first little, I always wanted to get him, you see them everywhere, but those, those cozy coops, you know, the red and yellow cars with those. Like the ones that you walk around. Oh yeah, the know, the red and yellow cars. Like the ones you walk around? Oh, yeah, the little tight thing. He loves cars.

So, yeah, and he went bonkers. So, yeah, big balloons and big balloon bouquet and cozy coop and a cake. And, yeah, he couldn't have been happier. He was great. All about rules. So, to answer your question, that's all we did for his birthday. Was get a great cake And then

Buy the car Yes And then we played Beer Devil And He plays? No he doesn't play But Emma brought me a beer

For his birthday John you said you would You'd like to be A local weatherman What about a local Like radio host? Of course yes Well Graham

I would probably End up doing both Let's be honest What's your name again? It's David You're Dave? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, do you prefer David or Dave?

It doesn't matter to me. But what would be your favorite part of being a radio host? Well, look it. I would obviously end up probably doing both. I would end up being a radio. Probably have to start doing the evening and weekend weather in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. They wouldn't give me the prime real estate. Yeah, and during the day, yeah, Canada. They wouldn't give me the prime real estate.

Yeah, and during the day, yeah, of course, I'd probably supplement my income by doing some DJ radio. I'd probably enjoy doing Top 40 or a classic rock station. Okay, and is there like a thing that happens as the song's starting that you would... Oh, sure. Well, you know, a lot of times they'll describe that as hitting the post. So what you do is you would talk over a bit of music

before the lyrics kick in or a part of the song that uh uh kind of uh changes the the beat of the music and so uh yeah you would speak up to that that would be the post and yeah you'd get some information out maybe get some weather and traffic updates out to the listeners and then uh let them kind of rock out why do you ask well because there's something we do on the show every time you're on lately is we hit the post. Yeah. You're kidding me. Okay, I don't remember this.

Okay. We play a bit of music, and you do exactly what you described. You kind of ramp up to the lyrics. Now, back in the day, like now, if you're in a radio program, it counts down to that. You have a clock that you can play. Yeah, you would have a clock. This was back clock that you can play. You would, yeah, you would have a clock. This was back in the day

before the clock? Oh, I don't know. I mean, well, no, either way, still, you'd have an opportunity to speak up until, yeah, I'm assuming

back in the day, yeah, people would just know the song well enough, you know, back when DJs really earned their money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I don't know what

you're about to play, but this is the game. This would be a great thing to do live Well the thing is We've been doing it with like real songs And there's copyright violations Oh no

But that's okay So I You know I'm worried that like We post this You know We post this with like Hey Jude on it

Bad song It starts with Hey Jude It starts with lyrics Tough post to hit Yeah And then they But then you know Apple pulls us off apple podcast so

what i did i reached out to some independent artists who gave me some songs that have not been released yet and uh okay so here's a difficult part though if i may i'm so sorry but if i'm not familiar with the song it makes it very difficult but this is part of it okay but i have to guess by the okay okay here we go all right ladies and gentlemen thanks so much for can we start again i don't want to say ladies and gentlemen right okay i want to everybody out there in radio land everyone yes i want to have uh folks yeah well yeah but come on dave yeah let's uh i may or may not use folks but let's uh let's kick into this again and uh yeah all right so i now i got a feel for the station as well.

Yeah. Okay. Hey, everybody out there in Radioland. Thanks so much for tuning into your favorite local radio station here in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. 106.9 The Bear. We got a huge weekend coming up at the Carp Garlic Festival. Make sure you come over and say hi. Horny boy.

Because we will be. Here comes David. He's a horny boy. Horny boy. Here's Horny Boy by David Shumka horny boy horny boy here's horny boy by Dave I got horny eyes and horny thighs

James Bond was a horny spy horniness will be my demise I want a horny burger with horny fries horny boy horny boy

oh and then a little little fade out a little fade okay can we play it again you want to do that now that I'm familiar with it no let's do a new one.

You got another one? Yeah, I got another one. Okay, good. I can't wait. This one's got a much longer intro. Oh, yeah, sure. Hope you enjoyed Horny Boy by Dave Shumka and the Shumkas. Remember, we'll be broadcasting live from the Carb Garlic Festival this weekend.

Make sure you bring the family out if you got any questions about garlic. We got a hot weekend in store for you so put on that sunscreen here's dave shimka and the shimkas ah shit gotta keep going well i don't have to that was a nice place to that was that was good right let them enjoy part of this yeah i mean you the i think you're supposed to talk up and build a city you could but you also don't have to. There's a nice little spot there. I guess it's up to you, I suppose. Okay, I wish I did keep going.

The day my dick fell off, I cried and cried and cried. The doctor came and said, I'm sorry, your tiny dick just died. You know who this sounds like? Your tiny dick just died You know who this sounds like? I said You don't have to call it tiny You know it isn't fair You weren't even there before it

Fell off at the ice rink And those people skated over my poor dink rink and dink what did you say you think it sounds like something soul asylum some soul in there Dave did you write these

lyrics out or did you improvise them as you were creating I don't know who this independent artist is were these songs but wait a minute did you write these songs in anticipation of me coming to the, please? Yes.

I wasn't sure if these were banked for a long time. No, these were written one hour before you came over today. I wish,

I wish we started with this. Well, you know, people, people are still on board. Do you want to do one more? Of course, I want to do all of them.

You put the work into these. There's only one more. Here we go. This is a fun one. Oh, sorry. Sorry, guys. I forgot that we're hitting pause. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was Tiny Dick by Dave Shimka and the Shimkas. Ooh, be careful if you're out there at those skating rinks. We got a double shot of the Shimkas. Hope you enjoy this one. And remember, it's a hot one out there! So put on that sunscreen because we got ourselves a huge Carp Garlic Festival we'll be broadcasting

live from 106.9 of the Bear. I'm Johnny D. Make sure you keep those kids safe and we got a holiday Monday so don't forget, no school! It is out! Here's Dave Shumka and the Shumkas with long intro. You bet it is, baby.

Enjoy yourselves out there, Radioland. I'll be back next week, provided the sun doesn't burn me up. I fell in love with a girl at the carp garlic festival. She said, hey, don't I know you from somewhere? You're the guy who had your dick cut off. Oh, my God. No, it actually fell off at the ice rink. She said, oh, yeah, I heard that it was tiny.

I said, that's hearsay. And if I ever catch the doctor. David, don't fade it out. That's all there was. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Nicely done, Dave. Well, you know fade it out. That's all there was. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Nicely done, Dave. Well, you know, great prep.

We can do real songs if you want. No, I don't want to do real songs. I think as a matter of fact, we have to do another podcast soon because I want to see how quickly you can turn these around. You came to me this morning and I was like, we're recording at 11. How do I get this all done? No.

The truth is, you know, I didn't record those drums. Those were fake drums. Fake drums. Okay. Yeah. But they sounded good. The whole thing sounded really good. Thank you.

That was wonderful. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, having a deadline helps. And in this case, it definitely does. Yeah. Those Beatles didn't need, they didn't need all that time to record. No. You crank that out in a morning.

Those are so wonderful. In an hour, pretty much. An hour and a half. Yeah. We got home from dropping the kids off about 9.30.

Wrapped those three up at about 10.45. Nice. Nice. Well done. Garlic festival. I love how you knew it was coming.

Of course it is. It's a thing you can anticipate. Yeah. That was so fun. But what now, if we did have a bad name, how about,

can we go Dave Shumkin the Shumkus? I think it's a band name how about can we go deep shimkin the shimkas i think it's yeah or the you know shimkatronic uh right yeah the uh the shimka five um just shumka shumka yeah just one big yeah yeah now you know i mean i got their album right here and if you ever if you ever want to promote the band if that's if the band's going on tour you can come on uh my sister and i are starting a podcast that's right february 20th and uh actually the two of you would be great to have on uh what is the premise of this here pod well it's it's ever changing and uh we've recorded so yeah first episode just my sister and i and it's all it's just it's just uh audio for now. Your sister, Allison, has been a guest on this show.

Yeah. And she's great. And I can tell she owns a microphone. Yeah. She also runs her own... Comedy album label? Comedy album label. Yeah, Howl and Roar.

Which often this year as well, somebody will be nominated from... Oh, is that right? Oh, good. Oh, Laurie Elliott. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How fun is that? Are you going to hang out? Graham is... right? Yeah. Oh, good. Oh, Lori Elliott. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How fun is that?

Are you going to hang out? Graham is, this has not been mentioned. And no one knew about this. I miscalculated. So we're recording this on the 8th. This won't come out until the 26th of February. As a matter of fact.

Oh, yeah. Uh, and, uh, um, but Graham just, uh, released an album. Well, he released it in October. Yes. And to no fanfare.

No. It was a secret. I just put it out there because you needed to have it on certain services in order to be nominated. Because you wanted to try to get it nominated for a Juno Award. Juno, which is Canada's answer to the Grammys. Yeah, yeah. And being held at Halifax, Nova Scotia this year. But yeah, it was a miscalculation by me that I didn't think of it like releasing it before.

What was the intention? To see if I could get nominated. But I assumed I wasn't going to get nominated, so I didn't. Oh, okay. So you expected, I thought like, oh, I'll do it when I can have like a party and, you know, like,

hey, come out, album release party. But like, wouldn't it be beneficial? I guess you said it's a miscalculation, but like to, you know, get some like, get some buzz. Get some buzz going. So maybe you would get nominated,

but you didn't need no buzz no and also i didn't even realize that my album was on bandcamp a lot of people bought it yesterday oh yeah oh people should buy it on uh look up whenever bandcamp friday is and oh yeah and then graham gets all the proceeds the album is called never was never was it's a graham clark was taken dot bandcamp.com That's right. Or find it on your local streaming service. And John's going to just... No, no, no.

Congratulations. Congratulations on the nomination. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could not be happier for you. And it's fun. You're going to have a ball in Halifax.

Yeah, you said it was so much fun because you won it last year. Yes, yeah. And it's fun to hang out with everyone and be part of that fun evening and dress up a little bit. Yeah.

Was the album called A Man Who Is Also Gingerbread? A Person Who Is Gingerbread. Every time you've butchered it, and I love it. I do love it, but not that you should remember it. But yeah, you will have a ball, and I'm very happy for you. Download Graham's album. Don't just stream it. Download it.

It's good to keep. In the meantime, stream it until it's Bandcamp Friday. Or just download it anyway. Is there a physical copy of this? No, no, no. So you announced that it,

well, I guess the Junos announced that it was nominated and you posted about it. And what were the reactions? A lot of congratulations. A lot of congratulations. Some, I didn't know this

album was out there one from Chris Von Zombaffy who he designed the cover oh cool and uh

Kevi who's uh produced so many Juno winning comedy albums he produced it just past guests after past guests

yeah and then uh you know the parents sent a message um was the so a lot of people were like, hey, congratulations. I feel like that's, the appropriate reaction is, I didn't know you had an album. Saying congratulations is people telling on themselves that even if you released an album, I wouldn't have listened to it.

Even if I had known. I wouldn't have, yeah. I wouldn't have listened. So even if i had known i wouldn't have yeah i wouldn't have listened so i assume everyone knew and i didn't know and i yeah i love this album and yeah oh my god um the so i never when i was nominated i didn't uh because prior to submitting myself for a nomination i'd never put out an album and I was always kind of opposed to award shows related to comedy because it's so subjective. And it was like, well,

why do we want to be rewarded? How can you pick a winner, et cetera. And I was a, a much more disgruntled, uh, cynical human being, I think.

Uh, and then I was super proud of my sister for starting her, her album company. And I think, you know, Sirius XM is a great way to make some money for comics. It's that anyway. So I kind of fell in love with the idea of,

yeah, being celebrated and potentially just being nominated for Juno and being part of some, this big celebratory experience. So I've kind of gone 180 degrees on, on these award shows, especially in Canada for comics. So it's really fun.

Make sure you go. Cause a lot of people, they might go, I don't want to go. Oh yeah. degrees on on these award shows especially in canada for comics so it's really fun make sure you go because a lot of people they might go i don't want to go oh you should go because it's fun i'm going and you gotta have a better attitude than you normally have i announced last week that i was doing a show in toronto that's not happening because i have to go to the juno the junos you'll be back in toronto another time graham don't worry about it. How long have they done the comedy album award? They have done it. It was Ivan Decker, Andrea Jin, John Doerr, Sophie Buttle, Jacob Samuel.

So at least. So five or six. Yes. And you were involved with getting the award back on. Yeah. Back reinstated. And you were involved with getting the award back on. Yeah. Back reinstated. And Ben Miner. So they should give it to me just out of legacy.

Well, I mean, maybe that's how you got nominated with no one knowing about this. You're going to get a pin regardless. You're going to get a pin and a letter from the president. And yeah, it's going to be great. From Joe Biden. I'm trying to figure out, Dave, that's dun,

dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun,

dun, dun, dun, It was a G and F and a B flat. It's a G and an F and a B flat? What's going on with this guitar? That one might be out of tune. Yeah, that one might be out of tune

It's out of tune Yeah okay John had been sitting here For ten minutes With the guitar on his lap But I hadn't had a chance to To play it Yeah I know

And I was in it The whole time I was thinking I bet that's not in tune You said a D flat? A B flat Oh a B flat Oh yeah There

Okay there it is Yeah yeah okay yeah Well you know what I'm gonna learn that song And we're gonna rock out one day It's what I'm going to learn that song And we're going to rock out one day It's just I'm just going to come down And you and me

We're going to have like A buddy hangout weekend Me and you That's so cool Yeah We'll tell Abby Hey you mind watching the kids For a couple days

We're going to sequester ourselves In the basement And fucking come out With a few songs Is there a direct flight Juneau Vancouver No direct flight No you got to go Seattle first

Okay Alaska Air Alaska Airlines I'm an MVP Gold 75k member direct flight, Juneau, Vancouver? No direct flight. No, you got to go Seattle first. Okay. Yeah. Alaska air, Alaska airlines. I'm an MVP gold 75 K member. Uh, so I got a lot of lounge. Is there a lounge you get to go to? Oh yes.

There's the Alaska airlines. I'm a little annoyed with, uh, they've changed the rules about it. You have to fly. What is the segment? You have to be, it's,

they changed the rules because you have to be so woke. Excuse me. Well, that's a problem too. That, that annoys me, but let's not get into it now um but yeah if the weatherman says that uh well here's the thing you have to fly over it's something like 3 000 miles as one of your segments in order to use

the lounge even if you're a first even if you're flying first class what yeah if you fly for and in alaska flying in alaska there's no way you can accomplish that. Because? So now you have to spend $30, you have to pay an extra $30 to use the lounge. Really? Actually, I'm in this, the Proclaimers Club,

and you have to walk 500 miles. Okay. And 500 more. Yes. And you know why? Just to be the man. Just to be the man who falls in at the the lounge door

so yeah we talked about me we talked about john what's going on with you talked about you you've answered one question we can we can peel back the layers of you a little bit more graham uh when's your birthday the only other thing i did was i went and saw wonka what's i don't even know there's a new willie wonka yeah man timothy chalamet you have a movie theater in uh did you know yeah we got one you step two now one just says go to the other one still still open but it says yeah oh you can rent that one out for private parties come on up to juno sometimes hell yeah do a juno podcast how long are you gonna live there i mean hopefully not too much longer but it all depends there's a criminal record we need to get

expunged from uh christina anyway it's a whole thing yeah yeah so she was able so the family came to otto ontario canada in the uh at the end of the summer last year christina we got she got an exemption to enter canada i'm not joking there was a criminal record that we're trying to deal with did i tell you any of this? No. Oh, good God. I don't think you, I don't think you're joking, but I also don't think it's any of our business. Well,

who cares, right? You only live once. And, uh, no, she, she would have absolutely no problem with me talking about this.

She talks about this all the time. Yeah. She was for a formerly incarcerated human being. She's lived quite a life. Uh, um, so yeah, she now actively, she works for the Alaska network on domestic violence Violence and Sexual Assault and works hard with an expertise in drug and alcohol rehabilitation.

And she works to influence policy at the state and federal level to make the world a better and safer place for marginalized groups and communities. This is what she now does. This is her passion. And so who cares about her past? People are rehabilitated and they can change, David. And I don't know why you have that attitude. I guess it is my business. Let's not talk about someone's past just because they're a little different than me.

This is why you're so anti-woke that you can't even imagine that a formerly incarcerated person, I believe you called her a criminal, which is, I can't believe you said that. You said John Doerr's criminal girlfriend. She's my fiance.

Number one. And she's formerly incarcerated. Did you pop the question? I popped it. How long ago? How, how, how?

So, uh, in November on your birthday. No, no. Like a year, a year and a year and a half ago. Okay.

But we're waiting to move to Canada to get married that would be the idea but anyway no we met in Fairbanks Alaska and so we were back in Fairbanks

and what I decided we met one night and the very first night we met we came back to the hotel and I bought her dinner at the

vending machine and I bought her wafers chocolate wafers they were actuallyafers, chocolate wafers. They were actually hazelnut chocolate wafers. And so unbeknownst to her, we were back at that same hotel just walking around and I had hid the ring in the bottom of the vending machine. And she went and just, I said, we should buy those wafers. Just we're here and it's the date that we, and so she, we bought the wafers and she went in and picked them out.

I'm like, oh, there's something else in there and she went did you really do that yeah yeah this is amazing so yeah i thought it was sweet and some people didn't like it i'm like what the fuck are you talking about i don't know just people like oh vending machine that's not all right you should be on the edge of a mountain with the sun no no vending machine very sweet i agree yeah i am a they still sold the wafers? What's that? They still sold the, yeah, yeah. They're called,

oh, I've got to find the name of them. Ro, Ro, Ro, Roger, Ruger, Ruger.

They're called Ruger, Ruger, Ruger wafers. Ruger wafers. Okay. So anyway, uh, are you going to have them at your wedding?

Uh, yeah, it's a great idea. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a good idea. Just have like a vending machine wedding.

That's a great idea too. They're very, oh my God. Instead of open bar, open vending machine. Oh, that would be amazing. Oh, that would be so cool. It's a vending machine wedding that's a great idea too they're very oh my god instead of open bar open vending machine oh that would be amazing oh that would be so cool open we'll hand out tokens so uh but yeah so we we are hitched but uh david let's get back to you desecrating the history and memory of my girlfriend um fiance um but yeah so we got her Into Canada And the goal was

Hey come to Canada And let's just For once Once and for all See how the family Can come together And see Canada And see what it has to offer

She was petitioned By the Canadian government That's how we got in So the consulate Made an exemption To have her enter the country And she was able to She was working with

The trilateral women's group Oh they're good So she What do they do? They do, yeah, singer-songwriter stuff. Yeah, yeah.

I, you know what? I didn't think you would know, but yeah. So she comes into Canada, she works for a couple of days and then we had

about 10 days before she had to go to Washington, D.C. to work. So the whole family was there. I went to the cottage in Quebec with the family. Oh, shit.

Well, my cousin's cottage and it was just beautiful weather and it was like, she got to go to a concert at Lans. Oh shit. Well, my cousin's cottage and it was just beautiful weather. She got to go to a concert at Lansdale Park. She saw Bush. She saw Bush. Bush was playing

so she went with my sister and my cousin. So the whole point was come to Canada to see what a summer's like in Ontario and she absolutely loved it. We stopped at

a roadside poutine place. How can we do this? All right, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for joining us. 106.9 The Bear. We've got a great Carp Garlic Festival coming up this week

and we'll be broadcasting from. Please leave the kids at home if you're staying late. All right, here's Bush on 106.9 The Bear. Make sure to breathe in and breathe out. You heard me. Breathe in and breathe out.

Misleadingly long intro. Breathe in and breathe out. Oh, it still keeps going. Wow, wow. Gavin Rossdale? Gavin Rossdale. Gavin. How do you have that

all geared up and ready to fly? Oh, I got a John Doerr intro playlist on Spotify. That's good. So did she go to the Carp Garlic.

She did not. You know what? It wasn't happening at that time. Otherwise, we would have been there. I assume it's a 365-day festival. We camp out. We camp out. But anyway, the whole point of that is,

when are we moving to Canada? Very, very soon. Very soon. But I wanted them to come see Canada. And everyone's all in. Everyone loved it. Right. And you, we glossed over it a little bit, But I wanted them to come see Canada. And everyone's all in. Everyone loved it. Right. Yeah.

And you, we glossed over it a little bit, but you and your sister have a podcast. What is, is it just? It's called Brother Sister. Brother Sister Podcast. Love it. And we talk about, as a sibling, yeah, we talk a lot about sibling stuff. First episode, first guest is my buddy Tim Bader talking about growing up in Philadelphia with seven brothers.

And he's a crazy, he's like, he's a fascinating human being. He's like if Ferris Bueller was inside a body made up of all five members of Motley Crue. Like, charismatic, wonderful problem gambler, bit of a drinking problem, unbelievable stories from childhood. So then we're going to have therapists on talking about sibling rivalry. And yeah, we have sibling stories, but it's not just absolutely related. No single kids. Yeah, no only children. Yeah, no only children.

Okay. Not single kids, only children. You got to be married and a child to be on the show. Guys, should we move on to some overheards? Sure Alright Breathe in Breathe out

Breathe in Breathe out Breathe in I'm Emily Fleming And I'm Jordan Morris We're real comedy writers And real friends And real fucking cheapskates

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We have the solution. It is to listen to Oh No, Ross and Carrie. A show where we examine unusual claims. We show up so you don't have to. Find us on MaximumFun.org. We won't actually heal you. Overheard. All right, here we go, Overheard The segment where if you hear it, we want to hear it too

And we always like to start with the guest John, do you have something you've overheard? I don't have an overheard this week But I'll just tell you one anyway So, I was lying in bed And I heard No, I don't have one Let's start let's start over again let me let me let me think of one uh genuinely i'm so sorry john do you uh we are recording so why don't we just

start it over no no start it over okay uh john do you uh you have a daughter stepdaughter real daughter daughter she's my daughter. Sure. She's mine. You're a stepfather. Correct. Yes. Yes.

I'm one of the unsung heroes. Yeah. Yes. And you, have you seen, has she seen the new Trolls movie? I don't know. I don't think so. Okay. Because there's a character in it named John Dory. Oh, is that right?

Yeah. Oh, lovely. Don't know why. It doesn't make sense. It's not like a... All the other characters have names that don't sound like your name.

Oh, interesting. Okay. What's Zooey Deschanel's character? Zooey Deschanel is Bridget. Nice. What movies... What are the favorite kids' movies?

What are the other favorite Kids movies In your house Um Our kids are getting Like a little They want to watch More grown up movies

Yes So Like Manhattan I watched Midnight Run With Emma Nice She did like it Did she

Yeah yeah she loved it She talked to Christina about it The next day But listen What about like Storks Or cartoons like that Have you about like storks or cartoons

like that? Have you ever watched storks though? No. Okay. Katie Crown's in it. That's right. She's amazing. I, what we we went to Mean Girls a few weeks ago. The musical one. Oh, okay. And there was a preview for this movie called If.

Oh my god, from the imagination of John Krasinski. Yeah. So that comes up oh my god from the imagination of john krasinski yeah so that comes up on screen from the imagination of john krasinski and now abby and i whenever like whenever john krasinski comes up we're just like he's always off in his own little world what is going on in that mind of his? From the imagination of John Krasinski. Yeah. The guy who. Him and Tim Burton. From The Office.

Yeah. The guy. He did write that horror movie, right? The Bird. No. Quiet. Quiet. The Quiet Land.

Quiet Down. And he did make that good news TV show. Yeah, that's true. And that was all that? Straight from his imagination. And it is a little bland of a from the imagination of right i mean it's not like a del toro right del toro yeah or burton or uh yes from the imagination tim burton okay got it yeah yeah yeah yeah let's face it tim burton's imagination goes as far as

johnny depp but it would make sense in that world. I mean, from the imagination, it would be like saying, yeah, it would be like from the imagination of, well, no, Fred Willard works actually. Yeah, totally. That would work. Yeah, great imagination.

Yeah, I'm trying to think who would be another great John Krasinski, like just middle of the road, meat and potatoes, just known for saying other people's lines for the most part. Well, you might be the star of this movie, Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, Ryan Reynolds, maybe.

No, who's like director-wise worth? I'm thinking of like a director that kind of is right down the middle. I don't know. No, me neither. Because if you know them, they have some sort of... From the imagination of Ron Howard? Is that... No, i get it

ridley scott yeah but ridley scott's good yeah good to imagine yeah not really krasinski just works yeah krasinski's the guy yeah so i have a no i don't have an overheard i have an overseen okay so i i just saw this car that was covered in um uh bumper stickers and there were two that caught my eye that were very funny uh one said you just got passed by a bad driver nice and the other one said i heart crashing into things one time i did a road race and i was behind somebody that's wearing a t-shirt that said uh you are losing to a man with diabetes. You did like a running race? Yeah.

Yeah. Steeple. Steeple chase. Yeah. It was one man with diabetes and a bunch of high schoolers? Yeah.

He shouldn't have been there. Legally, he shouldn't have been there. Guys, let's train for a marathon. Okay. This time next year, we'll run the

New York marathon. In Mexico. No, we'll train in Mexico. But we'll do it in the same marathon. We'll trade off. You'll run the New York marathon. In Mexico. No, we'll train in Mexico. But we'll do it the same marathon. We'll trade off. You'll do the first third. Oh, okay.

Yeah, relay. Oh, I thought you were going to say, Graham will do the first marathon, and then we'll see if we're going to continue from there. Yeah. If it looked like it was really hard, we'll stop. Wasn't there a story about a woman who was running a marathon, and she collapsed, and they got her in an ambulance, and then she got out of the ambulance at one point and then finished the race.

Well, there's this story of the woman in Boston who got on the subway. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big, that's a huge, she cheated and she won and then they found out that she cheated. But is this a different one that you're thinking of? Got in an ambulance? Well, there was, yeah, maybe it was the subway.

I feel like if she got in an ambulance, they would know... Yeah. Well, but she could say in the ambulance, this is me. Let me out here. Thanks. It's a great acceptance speech.

You got to watch the woman who hopped on the subway and then came out and, yeah, she said, thank you so much. Not out of breath at all. Yeah. No sweat whatsoever. Wearing jeans. You ran it in 45 minutes?

If I did a marathon, I would carry an O'Henry bar with me just so I pretended that I logged in. Yeah, that's pretty good. Because I hear they do that sometimes. Is that right? Yeah, you lose feeling down there. And they just kind of drop out the back of your shorts. Yeah.

It's adorable. It's a great way. It's a great way to spend time. I'd have, yeah, I'd have something to catch it. You know, just wear like a belt and something under there, a little plate to catch my poop. A plate? Yeah, a little plastic plate to catch my poop. Yeah. A little plastic plate. Plate, a ledge, chopsticks.

What is your overheard? My overheard is it was somebody, I think maybe talking, he might've been talking on a phone. I didn't see if he had like an earpiece or something, but he was talking out loud and he said, I don't know what terrycloth is. Does anybody know what terrycloth is? And I, then I was like, do I know what terrycloth is. Does anybody know what terrycloth is? And then I was like, do I know what terrycloth is? It's a towel, right? He ran a marathon across Canada.

Yeah, terrycloth. Terrycloth. There's a statue of him. On one leg. And just wearing a towel. Cloth. Yeah, but he had a shelf to collect his droppings. Sometimes I'll see like fabric described and like

like this sweatshirt is made out of french terrier and like oh that sounds so luxurious and it's not no one is the we want fleece on the inside that's the cozy stuff you guys are you robe wearing folks no not really no i'm barely i'm barely pajamas i'm yeah, I'm like pants and a belt until it's bedtime. And then it's underwear. And that's it. Go to bed. Yeah. Then you put pants back on first thing or do you have jammy pants?

They're next to my bed and I put the same pants on to start the day. Yeah. And then get the coffee started. Wake up Emma, get her on her school bus, come back in, try and go back to sleep. Jackson wakes up. The day's begun. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you a robe? I have a robe. I will wear it. Robes are great. To's begun. Yeah. Yeah. Are you a robe? I have a robe. I will wear it. Robes are great. To make coffee. Yeah. And I'll go check. They're great.

Cause you can keep your gun and your cigarettes in the pockets, which I love. I do like that. I'm a pajama man, but I don't, I have a robe, but I never have occasion to wear it. I'll wear a robe in a hotel when they're provided.

It's like. I find them to be too scratchy. The ones in the hotels. It depends what hotel you're staying at. low low end is my you know yeah there's the second not lowest end but lower yeah they can they can be but i find like i'll throw i will throw that robe on uh when i get out of the shower so yeah i don't know why i don't use one at home but uh uh just something else to wash yeah yeah yeah and i I was in there and then I hear my gun go off while it's tumble drying in the driver. Oh shit. Yeah.

I got to take that out of there. Um, but, uh, I do have an overheard by the way. Okay. Um, yeah. So, um, I was, um, I could hear Christina, uh, getting mad at Jackson because he had pressed, uh, the, the, uh, the ice cube dispenser on the outside of the refrigerator and ice cubes kept tumbling out onto the floor.

And, um, I could hear Emma say, uh, uh, and they had melted, I guess, um,

the ice cubes on the floor. In Alaska. Yeah. On the, on the floor. And, uh, I could hear Emma saying,

uh, mom, why are you mad? And she's going, my, and Christina, I overheard her saying, uh, I uh i'm not mad anymore i was but it's all water under the fridge now so i overheard that that is that is good the cutest was it a um that's like a one panel uh do you understand though what happened there so what what she though, because this is why she's very dumb, Christina,

the expression is actually water under the bridge. Yeah. But she said water under the fridge. But it does sound like it was like a, you read in the funny pages. Oh, you know what's funny about that, though? The water was probably going under the fridge, though. Yeah. I don't know.

Under the fridge. I'm having less and less belief that this happened. I prefer to believe. I prefer to believe. I want to believe. Okay. Let's get the polygraph in here. Okay. We should bring a polygraph on the road.

That would be fun. Have you ever done it? I've never done it. Have you? Oh yeah. All the time. What do you mean? Well,

cause I'm like always like crime adjacent. Yeah. And you're also, you're silly. You just do it with yourself. Like, okay, let's see what I'm lying about today.

Yeah. I love myself. Now we also have overheards sent in by people all over the map. If you want to send one in to us, sby at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Jackie in Chicago. I have an overheard in the kids say the darndest things category.

My four-year-old was showing his grandmother class photo from the year before. He pointed to one of the kids and the darndest things category. My four-year-old was showing his grandmother class photo from the year before. He pointed to one of the kids and explained in a sad voice, this is Nolan. He doesn't go to my school anymore because he passed away. And his grandmother gasped,

followed by my husband yelling from the other room, he moved away, Charlie. That is great. Yeah, he's no longer with us. Well, yeah, I know. He just goes to another school. Yeah. Did anyone die in your school?

In my school? Growing up? Yeah. We might as well have been a morgue in high school. I'm not kidding. It was awful. Really? Yes.

What was going on? We had suicides. We had a kid who died on a running track on the field have to, I mean, we had suicides. We had a kid who died on a running track on the field. Well, it's out now. Yeah. I had one that. Raghu Dukapati died. He's one of my good friends.

He sat in front of me in several classes. And one day I stared at that empty seat in front of me. What happened? Heart. It's some sort of heart defect that wasn't noticed. Yeah. Died at his home. I remember getting that news.

It was devastating. My old badminton partner, Sean, passed away. I never got another badminton partner. I gave it up. This was elementary school. In grade one, a kid got hit by a car.

I just remember how quickly we all moved on and then I was an adult I look back and like what the that's like yeah my teacher my teacher must have been like the yeah yeah shattered well thanks for

listening everyone we'll see you next week we got a couple more funny things to say this next one comes from Paige from Chicago. This is an overheard from 2006 when I went to go see X-Men The Last Stand in theaters. In the movie, Mystique suddenly loses her shape-shifting powers. When she does, she becomes naked, and it's just former supermodel Rebecca Romijn lying naked on the floor of a truck. When this happened, a little boy somewhere in the audience loudly exclaimed,

Eww, gross! Yeah, love it. And everybody in the theater busted out laughing. There's nothing better than the exact right time for a new gross. Or just any kind of theater. Oh. You know, if it's the right

thing. Oh, yeah. Some of the funniest shit from the theater. There was when I saw, saw the first one. Saw, saw. I saw, saw.

Yeah. I went to go see, saw. Yeah. And the ups and downs. Yeah. Yeah. Uh,

at the, one of the really quietest parts, somebody in the theater went, I'm scared. Yeah. That's class. Everybody lost their mind. It was great.

We saw, what is it, The Conjuring in Montreal. And there's a moment where they're showing an old video where they're doing an exorcism. And they show the date and time, or date and place of the exorcism. Yeah. And it was, or on film, I guess, and it was Quebec. And just one guy goes represent yeah perfect love it uh this last one comes from alley in oak grove oregon the other night this is uh this is germaine to what we were talking about the other night i woke up to my husband sleep talking he says no no no i'm a good boy i put everything back where it goes i fell back asleep i love it

no no no i'm a good boy i love it sleepwalking and talking it's the best and rapping they're the best yeah um yeah god damn it yeah that's why that's why i'm anti-woke i want everyone to stay asleep nice yeah so they can keep talking they're the best conversations yeah well that's why I'm anti-woke. I want everyone to stay asleep. Nice. Yeah, so they can keep talking. They're the best conversations. Yeah. They'll last a lifetime. What an edition of Overhears that are written, and we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guest. This is Daddy from the Jumbotron you did a couple months back for Wesley, Annabelle, Stephen, and Dean. Hi, Daddy. Calling in from Allen, Texas.

I've got a kid say the darnedest that came from Stephen, the five-year-old, on a family camping trip a few weeks back. He's currently obsessed with pirates, which plays into this a little bit. I had to take him out into the woods to take a poop and after he finished i told him i need to come back with a shovel to bury it and his response was but daddy what if someone finds it and thinks it's treasure i thought that was pretty good adorable they'd still dig it up if they thought it was treasure and it is treasure yeah. That's why I keep mine in a marathon. That's why I have the plate. The plate. Yeah.

Keep my treasures. That is adorable. Yeah. Cute kid. Did you ever go camping? Yes. Have you ever pooed in the woods? Yeah.

Well, I went tree planting. So there was a lot of poo in the woods as an adult who shouldn't be pooing in the woods. Yeah. Yeah. On a regular basis. Huh? How long you do that for? About a month and a half. It was the worst. Let let's not get into it it's a long story and uh

let's just talk about it's horrible children dying it's a lot brighter next phone call hi guys improbable guest um i work in a school this is Michelle M., and my favorite quote from today was, it wasn't the punches that hurt, it was the betrayal. Oh my God. That's perfect. Yeah, the emotional wounds. That is perfect. It wasn't the punching, it was the betrayal.

It's also like... It's a t-shirt. They probably weren't punched very hard. No, but maybe they really made't, uh, punched very hard. No, that, but, uh, maybe they really made fun of it. Really cut deep. You know, I do want to know more about that story.

I mean, what was, who betrayed who? I want to know. Yeah. Over what? You ever been punched? Have I ever,

like, uh, like a good punch in the face? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got one. Yeah.

It was, uh, yeah. And it, like sports gone wild. Oh, angry. Yeah. It's so surprising when you get, that Yeah, it was, yeah. And it, like, sports gone wild. Oh, yeah. Angry, yeah. After school gymnasium.

It's so surprising when you get, that's my experience. Yeah, it hurts like hell. Yeah. I can't imagine anyone doing it for, like, professional fighters. No. Forget it. It is the worst. Have you ever been punched in the face?

No. You ever been punched in the face? Yes. And I, it was like, I was so surprised by it that that was the thing. I was bewildered. I was like, what just happened to my head that uh that was the thing i was bewildered i was like what just happened to my head yeah yeah like it happened and then seconds later i was like oh shit that really that really really hurt yeah yeah yeah did it make you want to reach out and punch them back or no i think i want to just get out of there you know yeah yeah it's like oh i

should have not stayed in this uh circumstance yeah Yeah, let's avoid scenarios where this may come up. Yeah. It was a bar brawl that got out of control. Oh, no. Yeah. Those are, yeah. If you ever come across something on Twitter or whatever, X, it's just gross. All the fighting that goes on.

I don't know what sites pop up in your feed. Yeah, this is all Twitter is for me now. It's people like falling down holes. Yes. Like I didn't ask to see any of this. It's people losing limbs and just getting. It's faces of death now. Yeah.

It is the old videotape that circulated and it's like horrible violence. And it's under for you. I know. We, the algorithm knows that. You're a freak. We know you're a freak we know you're free yeah that's my it's everyone's algorithm now is yeah violence and yeah if it bleeds it leads yeah yes their attitude and here's your final phone call hi dave graham impossible guest this is panya from vancouver i was just listening to your episode with dj when you guys talk about eagles and how majestic and amazing and beautiful they are.

And every time the subject of eagles comes up, I think of my dad. We were talking about seeing an eagle once and his response is oh you know the fucking scum and that's all I think about any kind of there apparently they're very dumb yeah well Don Henley was not the smartest of the one of the bands or of the band or were they talking about the football team yeah yes oh yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What do you call the trash? So what do you mean they're scum? They're scum.

I mean, what do you mean they're not that smart? Well, from what I gather, Benjamin Franklin, he wanted the turkey to be the national bird because they're highly intelligent. Okay. And apparently the eagle is kind of a scavenger. Yeah. Not, you know. Anyways, I'm fine eagle is kind of a scavenger. Yeah. Not, you know. Anyways, I'm fine with that.

Eagles are scavengers? I mean, any bird, depending on the location, could be, but I mean, an eagle, it's diving into water and grabbing salmon out of there. They're rafters.

They're predators of the sky. I like them, personally. No, they're scum. Abby was at her parents' place this past weekend and there was a how are they doing they're good great they live on the beach in a giant not even in a house on the sand absolutely oh no uh and a giant dead octopus washed ashore oh and then a group of eagles came and yes ripped it to shreds they're're definitely opportunists. Yeah. When we were in, so in Alaska, this was end of,

uh, we were in a place called Petersburg, Alaska, end of August, maybe beginning of September. So all the, uh, all the salmon have spawned and they come to these, you know, they're, they come, they come to die in these lakes. And so we went on this huge hike out in the middle of nowhere and there's 150 eagles just like hanging out. Shit.

Yeah. And there's a bunch of people milling about. Some people were still fishing. I mean, the salmon's no good at this point. But anyway. And so everyone starts to leave. Yeah. And then the eagles start to inch a little closer and get more brave.

And there's just salmon everywhere for them to pick on. Yeah. And then we see, of course, what happens. A bear pokes its head out of the woods. This is my territory. And this we see, of course, what happens, a bear pokes its head out of the woods. And this is me, Christina,

and Emma. It's like, time to go. And so, yeah, we pick up Emma and we hightail it through the woods

and it is, yeah, it's don't talk, just move, just move, just move. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Yeah. This was fun and now it's not fun. Yeah. But the eagles are opportunists for sure. They will hang out

and yeah. Does a bear shit in the woods? I can show you video of a bear shitting on our driveway. Oh, nice. Cool. I can show you a video of a bear shitting behind our house after eating a bunch of blueberries.

I think that actually comes up in my Twitter feed. It came up in your Twitter feed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bear, the bear shitting and Emma trying to clean it up with a shovel and it breaking apart and Jackson crying because the poo broke.

Yeah, it was in my for you. It was in my for you. Yeah. Oh man. Well, thank you so much for being our guest today, John. Thank you for having me.

Where, where can people hear your podcast? Uh, well, you know, to be determined, I mean, the streaming platform,

so it comes out February 12th. Oh, this will come out after that. Um, you know, go to a brother, sister pod, uh, at brother, sister pod on Instagram. You know, go to Brother Sister Pod, at Brother Sister Pod on Instagram.

You'll have a bunch of information there. Okay. And more news about it. But yeah, we're very excited about it. It's going to be great. Go to johndor.com or at TV's John Doran Instagram. Love it. I'll have some dates up for a performance.

Yeah. Cool. It's for a performance. Yeah. Cool. Well, thanks for playing us out, John. And, well, everyone out there, I want you to have a great time at the Carp Garlic Festival. And it's 82 degrees outside.

It's Celsius, which is the surface of the sun. So I hope you're all staying fresh out there, and be kind to each other this weekend, because you never know what other people are going through. A lot of people are fighting an invisible battle. They maybe have a log that's going to emerge at the end of their

marathon, you know, metaphorically. And to everyone out there, be, repent. I'm the guy that got my dink cut off at the rink. I want to thank you for meeting me at the garlic festival. We're going to have a good time. Do you like my muscle hat?

Do you like my muscle hat do you like my muscle hat nice thanks everybody for listening come on back next week for another episode of stop by where john will be the guest again Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.