Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 836 - Kevin Lee

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Comedian Kevin Lee return to talk beef, food trends, and gluten. Plus, it’s week 2 of MaxFunDrive 2024. Support the show at maximumfun.org/join.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 836 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and I'm, as with me as always, is a man who is as excited as I am about week two of the Max Fun Drive. Dave Shump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

So stoked for it. Even throwing the chakras up all night. Yeah. I'm serving the wave of the Max Fun Drive. That's right. Yeah. And it's a tasty wave. Totally tubular. Boy, let's see here.

Max Fun Drive is brought to you by King, Kim, Bay, a mayor. Mr. Zog's sex wax TNZ surfco. Yes, it's a, it's that time of year. Um, we're going to give you a little more information on Max fun drive. Uh, but just right now know that it's the time of year where we celebrate you, the Max Fun member. And we remind you that this show exists because of you. We couldn't do this show without you. We couldn't make these totally tubular jokes.

That's true. And I'll be on a surf and safari following Max Fun Drive, but I'm here for this and I'm glad to be here. But the thing that's important to know is head over to MaximumFun.org slash join, learn more and yearn more. Yeah, and we'll be back to it later on the episode. But welcome our guest, longtime fan favorite, such a funny comedian, member of the Sunday service is with us here tonight. It's Kevin Lee.

Hi guys. Hi. I'm quiet now. Oh, you're turning to a little. Oh no, just so quiet. You're like a little mouse guy. Just little. Do I have to shush?

No, louder the better. I can't hear. You like it when people are loud around you. Yeah, it makes me sound even quieter. Okay, this is how loud around you. Yeah, it makes me sound even quieter. Okay, this is how you get into. Yeah. It's not ASMR, but it is horny.

That's what you're expressing yourself sexually is through whispers. So quietly, the quietest orgasms you've ever heard, seen, or felt. That's been on my pitch for years. You're barely going to feel this. Why? And I thought it goes, you're gonna have to ask. Did you? Are you?

Did you? Are you? Will you? Could you? Um, ASMR, I'm surprised it's caught on as a term. Yeah. Because, uh, it stands for audio sensory meridian response. Sounds right.

But like, why? Like, yeah, it's true. Like, why isn't it? Why isn't there a better name for it? Yeah. No, no, we shorten it to ASMR. Yeah, but that's hard to say too. Yeah.

Shorten it to scuba. Scuba's already taken. Dang it dang it can't be two things, but they both give you the bends. Oh, yeah And also listening to you know submarine sounds That's not like very just a little a little fish on the outside going like hey, what's up? Oh, is this the tiny guy you're waking up right now? There's always those ones where it's like waking up by your girlfriend or whatever. And it's like, it's just like a shot of like some woman in full makeup, like with her head on a pillow, just like waking up me like, Oh, you're here. Like what?

You know, she's communicating with the fish. She's like, yeah, my Instagram, my Instagram algorithm is feeding me something similar, which is like a hot office wife. Like, your work wife or whatever. Like just a pretty lady walks through an office with papers and is like, hey, how you doing? And then that's it. Should we get to know us? Let's get to know us. Get to know us.

Kevin, it's been a while. How have things been? To know us? Let's get to know us. ["Get To Know Us"] Get to know us. Kevin, it's been a while. How have things been? What have you been up to? Fill us in. You're still part of the Sunday service, which plays every Sunday night at the Fox Theater. That's right.

And you're doing other shows or is that the steady that you do? That's pretty much the steady at this point. I think, yeah, post pandemic, I stopped kind of doing as much other shows. Right. I think it was slowly petering out over the years of trying really hard to do right sketches

and have costumes and stuff, and then slowly that simplified sketches, and then it became improvised monologues, and then now I'm like, I do this on a service. You said it's slowly petering out. How do people named Peter feel about that phrase? Well, they, that's what they call going wild. Like for them, Petering out.

Like we're going to go fucking wild. Can't invite Peter to the wedding. Okay. He's going to beat her out. He warns us in advance, which is nice of him, but yeah. Um, yeah, the, the costumes, I feel like that's. Yeah. And I already hate, like, I hate like it's, it's, it's such a terrible, yeah, the, the costumes, I feel like that's yeah. And I already hate, like, I hate, like it's, it's, it's such a terrible, uh,

affliction for me because I'm balding, but I hate wigs. So I just have to ball. Yeah. Yeah. But you look good. You shaved it. Yeah. You showed up trying to do rag.

I did. Yeah. Why'd you take it off? Uh, it actually blew off. My head shrinks at night, like a house, you know, just the temperature. Oh, yeah creaks and groans and pops just coming from my skull shrinking Settling. Yeah, the people that you're with Do they know that you do comedy or is that something that you like hope they never find out? No, they find out I usually lead with

There's that that stock photo that that your fans have and then bring up every time you burst through a wall. I just sort of always lead with that. Usually like if I joined a new team or something like that at work, I'll send an email with that image. Oh, that's amazing. To save you the trouble, here it is. I did this.

Before you hear it from anybody else. I just want you to know, this wasn't someone's house. This isn't from a police thing or something like this. It was a stage, that wasn't even a full wall. That's from the bully's blotter. Yeah. Maniac burst through wall. Pizza made of human heads.

I'd love that if it was on like a political drama like damage control. We just uncovered it. An old picture of the candidate bursting through a wall holding a pizza. Was it a box of pizza or just a slice of pizza? It was a box. Fuck, we're fucked. There may not have even been a slice in it. Ah, that's what they're gonna say. The press is gonna have a field day. Kevin, was there real pizza in that box?

There was not. Oh shit. I don't want to apologize to my family. Stick with me, thick and thin. Kevin's doing the Bill Clinton thumb. That's right. I'm gonna spend more. He's doing it with both thumbs.

I'm gonna apologize for my family and my thumbing proprieties. going to spend more time with both thumbs. Apologize for my family and my thumbing proprieties. I want to spend more time with my family. That's right. Taking a step back publicly. Now it's just Michael Jackson. Well, somebody's got to take up the mantle, you know what I mean? Right?

Just the quiet talking. Yeah. Oh, I watched that documentary that you talked about last week, the one about We Are the World. Yeah. Oh, I haven't watched that. talked about last week the one about we are the world. Yeah. Oh, I haven't watched that It's it's a lot of fun. Yeah, but like Lionel Richie's talking about working with Michael Jackson writing the song

Yeah, and there's like the chimpanzees in there and then what is it? There was like an ostrich snake He was like, oh my snake. I found my snake He's like I don't want to be around you. I want to write this song. They're all co-writers. I don't want to share the credits of these things. Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, and ostrich and snake. Yeah.

I bet they gave the publishing rights to the people of Africa. It'd be weird if they also... They can release a version whenever they want. Oh yeah, we'll give the, you know, we'll collect the money from the publishing, but you know, they get the money from sales or whatever. Can you imagine like a movie where

We Are The World is somewhere on the soundtrack? Where it's just like supposed to be in the background somewhere, but it's We Are The World. The Matrix resurrections. It's like chemical brothers, Fat the background somewhere, but it's weird. The Matrix resurrections. It's like chemical brothers, fat boy slam, we are the world. You're like, okay, this isn't propeller heads? No, no propeller heads.

Would you guys be in favor of a bunch of celebrities releasing a song every year? Yeah. For some cause? For some cause or just for fun. I don't think they need to nail it down. Yeah, I'd like it if it was sort of like Royal Rumble For some cause. For some cause or just for fun. I don't think they need to nail it down. I like it. I like it if it was sort of like Royal Rumble, where like they all like the jockey

for position and like bring in like a folding chair and they introduce and one every two minutes they come into the studio. As the singers or as a wrestler. The singers. OK. But while the song is being recorded, there's still like intro music. We're like, Barney, Barney. But while the song is being recorded, there's still intro music where it's like, bam, bam, bam, bam. It's Lady Gaga's intro music. Oh my God.

She's a chameleon. She likes all kinds of music. Oh man. And she's gonna be with the Joker soon. Yeah. We're all in a bit of a breath. She's gonna be with the Joker soon in Joker. It sounds like swim with the fish

Oh, it's okay dear lady go gaga's with the Joker They're jamming with the Joker Joker on some jokes. I Never watched that movie. It got very um, they got very like immediately Painted with the brush of like in cell culture and that sort of stuff that I was like, oh, OK. But then nothing happened. Was it good?

The movie? It was fine. If you had never seen Taxi Driver before, you would think this is a mind blowing movie because he took so much from those movies. Yeah. But like if you're 16, you don't know what the fuck Taxi Driver is or whatever. Yeah. You don't even know what a taxi is.'s all uber now. He called uber man

But also I gotta talk about this beef gram we have yeah beef time you guys have beef Yeah, we've gone in on a sirloin One big sirloin a Big sirloin business. We're just carving away pieces of sirloin and selling it on Kijiji. We're going to run out pretty soon. Yeah, but business is good. Business is really good. Well, it's an in and out.

We sell this piece of sirloin, people mail this piece of sirloin, and then we glue it with meat glue onto the original sirloin, kind of like a sourdough mother. Yeah, it's like a take a penny, leave a penny kind of thing. Very Cronenberg. Yeah. Take a penny, leave a penny, take a penny kind of thing. Very Cronenberg. Yeah. Take a penny, take a penny. It's just a living pulsating. It's body horror.

Sourdough is body horror. It is. Yeah. If there was a sourdough movie and he directed it, it would be gross. It would be gross. I think that's what Crimes of the Future is. Is it?

No, I don't know. Have you seen any of his stuff? Yeah, but it's been a while. It's weird. I haven't watched, have I not told this story on the podcast? Have you seen any of his stuff? Yeah, but it's been a while. It's weird. I haven't watched, have I not told this story on the podcast, the story of watching Crash as a youth? Probably, but refresh your memory. I'll just tell you.

Crash for people who don't know, David Cronenberg's Crash is not the Oscar winning movie Crash about racism. It's about people getting into car crashes to get horny. Yeah. Yes. And my friends and I as teens went to, uh, I don't think it was Blockbuster, or some, some other, uh, it doesn't matter what it was called. It was called Crashville and went in there and it was only Crash. Um, but like looking around and we had, we were to our own devices. And I think probably somebody that we were with, you know,

had the kind of account where you could rent rated R movies. Oh yeah. Yeah. And so we're looking for like then something naughty to watch and we're all just prowling around like so self-conscious. Then someone's like, Chuck this out, dude. Like, I think I was trying to convince people to like rent like ski school or one of those like horny comedies or something, but they were like, look at

this sex and car crashes, dude, and it was crash and we're like, Oh, okay. That sounds crazy. I don't dude. And it was crash. And we're like, oh, OK, that sounds crazy. Let's do it. And then we went home and watched it together. And all of us are like, oh, no. Like, there's a part where I think James Spader has sex with Patricia or and our cats laying. Yes, which like looks like a big crazy like scar vagina.

None of us were ready at all. And it's that where you sit and you watch the whole thing. But you're just like, it is weird when you're young and you're like, well, there's this whole world of sex out there and it's all equal. It's likely to run into missionary style as Detroit deep dish. And yeah, you see that you're like, oh my God, no. How he is able to convince over and over and over again, investors, like the pitches that he has to make, okay, they're flesh guns, they shoot teeth. That was Extends?

That's Extends. Existence? Existence, yeah. There was The Fly. There was Naked Lunch. He did that. Well, what was the one that was, well, did he do the Viggo Martinson?

Yeah, the History of Viggo Mortensen? Yeah, the History of Viggo Mortensen. That was like a mainstream movie. Yeah, and he didn't know it was a comic book and he said he never would have made it if he thought it was a graphic novel. No. He found it out during filming. So he didn't do his due diligence.

That's a bit weird for like the guy who made The Brood and Videodrome. It's like the most genre-y, over-the-top, like crazy things. He's like, no, no, no, no, images, like drawings and video drama. So it's like the most genre-y over the top, like crazy things. He's like, no, no, no, no, image, like drawings and words together. What's the one with the exploding head? Scanners? Can you do that? Yes, he did.

Scanners, dead ringers. Did he do Eastern Promises? Was that him as well? Yeah. That was the best naked fight. Find another naked fight that's better. We should have called that movie Naked Lunch. We're just on our lunch break here.

Well, at the end of the fight, somebody put Viggo Morin's his dong in a hot dog bun and was like, you're okay with Russia. They put it in a borscht. There we go. You're okay with Russia. Russia in a hot dog bun for some reason. Made of babka, I don't know.

When, cause you said there was like a membership that let you rent adult films. I feel like I only have my mom's card. Well yeah, but like sometimes you'd have like a parent who would put on the card that it's like, it's okay for my kid to rent rated R movies. Oh, okay. I do remember thinking, like, oh well if I try to rent something, it'll like, my parents get so much mail. I'm sure everything that gets rented, a list gets mailed to them. But now I'm like, oh, no, there's no way. But you're like, oh, that's a letter from the video.

So it's like, uh, Dave rented these movies and he saw one PP 11 boobies. He now knows about leg wound sex, ski school sex. So you may want to sit him down. I remember going over to a friend's house that the dad had a lot of porno tapes. Oh wow. But like out and about, or was this like a secret stash? It was a secret stash, but we went to his place

when his dad was out of town. And then we were rummaging through and we found Jerry Springer's Too Hot for TV and that's what we watched incident of. Yeah. Yeah. Saw some boobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good for dad for owning that. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of advertising. I don't know. Picked up the phone. Yeah, I'm newly divorced. I can do whatever I want.

Oh, it was a divorce dad. Yeah. Oh, sure. We can dad, we can dad. Because of those videos. I want. Oh, he's a divorced dad. Yeah, weekend dad, weekend dad. Because of those videos. Probably, it probably had something to do with it. You don't have enough of these videos. I need to move on with my life. I need a real man who's got a lot of Jerry Springer

too-hard-for-TV videos. There's nothing here of exploiting young women on spring break. Yeah. Those were the big two, Girls Gone Wild and Jerry Springer girls gone wild had oh there was also Esteban's gift of guitar oh yes yes the long-haired guy a guy yeah with the sunglasses who like it came

with a guitar and a videotape and you teach you how to play guitar yeah that's awesome that was an infomercial yeah and, and he take a stop off during it Just naked except for the guitar If you get this cold right, I'm gonna drop the guitar an inch And cover up my penis Looking at my whammy bar You would have sex with a hole in the side of the guitar remind anyone of James Spader Break the guitar and then... Maybe like, oh my god.

Crash two guitars into each other. I feel like the Girls Gone Wild thing was the last thing that was shot with like a big camera. That you would like... Right. Exactly. Exactly. Christopher Nolan got in on that.

He's shooting. Flash them. Did it use the, what was it, Errol Morris's? Oh, right, that mirror thing. That mirror thing where you stare right down the teleprompter. But like, I think you could maybe convince people you were with. Like an official. Yeah, like I'm with the government.

Show me your boobs. Female boob inspector. So that's what my shirt means. Yeah. I'm from the CIA, the Clitoris Investigation Agency. So I'm going to get a little deeper into this, I guess. I still haven't found one. I'm also part of the NRA

Nads research oh no nipple research And I'm doing ASMR What is the sample Audio no, yes sex oh mouth What does it stand for? Uh, audio. No, the ass. Ass. Sex. Oh. Mouth. Resuscitation.

Resuscitation. That's what you're supposed to do if you find somebody passed out. You want to check all everything. You can inspect the nipples and make sure everything's. Yeah. Oh dear. Uh, now people thought that we had some sort of beef going on. That's why I brought it up.

You told me about that. Yeah. Because in the years since, I got off Twitter before or like GameX or whatever. I'm like trying to and I closed on my Facebook. That was the one thing I would go on Facebook, because your fans are so nice so that every once in a while, if I was feeling bummed out,

I would go on there and people would be like, come on, this is the lawyers and I'd be like, that's nice Yeah, but then I got off Facebook because because of things and so I didn't know that I don't know when people are saying I didn't know what the hell people were they're like is Graham and Kevin in a fight? I was like But oh, maybe he's mad at me Because he hasn't been on in a couple years. Yeah, but a lot of people haven't been on in a couple years Yeah, but you know, they're trying to create a biggie small but also why would why can't Kevin and I be in a fight? Why is it gotta be that's true. You guys could have been in a fight. I'm much like More temperamental. That's true. You fly off the handle

Yeah, it's uh Congratulations on getting off of Twitter and Facebook. Do you do anything? You an Instagram? I still do the Instagram, but I never really post anything. I tried to I paused it or whatever, because you know, like all these social media sites, all these damn things, they like try and put as many barricades in the way before you could quit where it's like, you know, right, all so buried.

And then, you know, they want you to like suspend your account. So I'm sure a lot of people like mistake that for shutting it down or whatever. But I suspended my Instagram account for a bit to just take some time away from it. Yeah. But then I wanted to get another tattoo and Instagram's wonderful for finding tattoo artists and hand doing this stuff. So I went back on there for that. What'd you get?

What'd you get? I got my Instagram, a handle, my landing page and bio. That's what Instagram's for. And I got a tattoo called, Graham's gonna pay. And it showed you on the other side of a debit, I got like a point of view of me holding out a debit card and you with a card like about to tap it, Graham's gonna pay.

Yeah. Are you a tattoos man? Yeah, I've gotten some tattoos over the years. What can I say? I just like pain and Satan. Yeah, I don't know. I think, you know, I've had this one for a while. The one that kind of goes up my arm.

The more I know, the more I learn about Kevin, I like, you know, when I first met you 15, 20 years ago, I, uh, that insane, like that you can say, like, I've been doing a thing for 20 years. Well, you know, I hardly knew anything about you. I guess this is a funny guy, funny guy. But now that, uh, now the more I know you, I know three things about you. Oh yes.

That too, man. That's human you, I know three things about you. Oh yes. Tattoo man? Tattoo man. Heavy metal man? Yeah. Fantasy man? Fantasy's fine, yeah. Although I think I gravitate more towards science fiction. Oh really?

Yeah, this is really interesting topic. So I only know two things about you. Yeah, that's right. You were writing it at some point. You were writing your own sci-fi stuff or fantasy stuff. Well, yeah, I work, I currently work for Electronic Arts on a game called Apex Legends, which is like set in a science fiction outer space kind of world thing. So I work a lot with that, I guess.

That's awesome. Yeah, that's like of your interest. Yeah, exactly. So it's fun. It's a tattoo game. It's a tattoo. Yeah, it takes tattoo legends. That would be a fun game if it was like, you know, this person comes in with a picture

and then you try to do it on the person's arm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure they have them. And then the person would be like, it sucks. Hey, what the hell? I guarantee that's like a mobile game. Oh yeah, it would be a perfect mobile game.

Yeah. I love that. It's hard to do it because you're on the bus and it's all vibrated. I like that. Like a bus tattoo artist game where it's be a perfect mobile game. Yeah. I love that. It's hard to do it because you're, you're in a bus on the bus and it's all vibrant. I like that, like a bus tattoo artist game where it's also on a bus on there. So it's like, why it's all over the place.

Wasn't there a Jackass where they were on a crazy vehicle and getting a tattoo. He was in the back of like a two-thirty axles or something. Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. Maybe Henry Rollins was driving it or yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a Larry maybe Henry Rollins was driving. Yeah Yeah, this is all this is all coming back to me. Yeah So what tattooed you get stop avoiding the subject for that? Oh, I ended up getting a bat on my my

thigh like above my knee because I like bats since I was a kid and then I didn't really want to celebrate the release of Matt Reeves's The Batman. To celebrate the premiere. Did you see that? I did see that. But not Joker. I didn't see Joker. Yeah. I thought that that Batman was so funny because he was just walking around crime scenes and everybody's like, Batman's here.

Like, I don't like this, but fine, I guess. Why scenes and everyone's like Batman's here like I don't like this but fine I guess Why are we even here if Batman's here? He's gonna take all the fucking cool clues anyway He's gonna get the cool ransom note and the bloody hammer like all this stuff And then I ended up getting another one on my on my leg which you can see here hammer and like all this stuff. And then I ended up getting another one on my, on my leg, which you can see here. It's like a meditating guy, but his like head instead is like a wispy stuff and it turns into a hand holding him up. Cool. Um, yeah, I don't know.

Just sort of figure it's, I don't know. It's fun. It's fun to get the tattoos. Is it like, cause neither Dave or, or I have any know that's right everything that's covered but Eastern promises tattoo yeah any Viggo Mortensen instills I just have a little circles around all like suspicious more yeah skin tag stuff I want to removed those targets like good like a scope sights on it. So when I go finally go to the dermatologist, I'll be like, just I've circled them for you.

Yeah. Target. Get rid of those. Is getting a tattoo, is it like cathartic or is it just like getting a hairdo or? I'd say there's a certain catharsis to it. Like there's a certain amount of, yeah, you kind of have to like get into a bit of like a meditative state with like the level of pain and stuff.

Yeah. What's your favorite level of pain? Uh. House of. House of. What's the most painful one you've had? I'd say the most painful one is this one that goes up my arm, cause it was, it goes from like my wrist up to my shoulder.

Oh, and you're so ticklish. And I'm so ticklish. It's so ticky. And I, uh, but they have to like, that it's like tattooed, like on the inside of my arm and my elbow on the outside of my elbow and the inside. And then also my armpit. So it's like a lot of stuff. Like, especially I found like straight down the inside middle of my forearm.

There's, there must be something, some, uh some nerve meridian or something that goes up there. Cause anytime it'd be like tattooing on the side, fine, fine, fine. They get here and I'd be like, ah, I have to breathe through it. Yeah. Have you seen the video of a kid and his mom, the mom's getting tattooed and he's like, she's like, or the kid's talking to the tattoo artist. He's like, she's like, or the kids talking to the tattoo artist.

He's like six and tattoo artists. Sick. That's dope. The kid is six and he's talking to the tattoo artist and he says, how many jabs is it doing? And he's like, it's like a thousand a second or whatever, or a hundred a second. It's like, yeah. And the mom's like, yeah, it's like getting a flu shot, getting 100 flu shots at a time.

And in fact, I'm getting pretty hot, could use some water. And the tattoo artist is like, oh, you want a water? You want to take a break? And she's like, yeah. And then she immediately passes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the kid goes, ah, she's dead.

She's dead. She's dead. Give me a tattoo, mom, RIP right now. Wow. I'm not a doctor, but my diagnosis is. That story took so long to tell. Why did I include all that information about the kid? I left and got a tattoo.

Yeah. Have you ever seen a bat in the nature? Have you ever been in a cave that has bats or something like that? No. Well, I've seen the ones that live under the bridge in Austin. I saw those once where there's a famous bridge in Austin where at dusk or a certain time of night, they'll come rushing out from underneath the bridge to like, you know, chow down and stuff. On all the wicked street food down there.

Yeah, yeah, they got a real street food culture. Yeah. Oh yeah, they're lined up for barbecue. Yeah, freaking cheeseburger pizza, freaking aioli drenched aioli. Deep fried aioli drenched in aioli. Yeah, but they go swirling out from underneath. It's really cool.

I heard, so a guy I play hockey with was talking about how there were bats in his- Bell free? Frickin' bell free of all places. Yeah, dude. And his cabin. His neck guard is a priest collar. He's like colored it in.

In his cabin and they had to have them like taken out because they're like a huge portion of bats have rabies. Oh yeah. And even if you just get touched by a bat, like not even bitten or anything, you could get it. And like, that's what happened to a guy on Vancouver Island. Oh really? And it's like, by the time it happens,

you can't get rabies shots, you're dead. Oh shit. It's not like, you can't get rabies shots. You're dead. Oh shit. Oh. It's not like, I can't stand being around in the day anymore, but the night is very appealing to me. It's not that kind of rabies that gives you bat powers. I don't know why, but I'm gonna throw out all my crucifixes? That sucks. I love God.

That sucks. I love garlic. Oh, these mirrors are fucking useless. As long as I could keep my holy water, then I'll be just OK. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the holy water thing is just that like, do they bless like an entire tank or is it every bottle gets blessed? Kevin. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Answer that. Well, my tattoo artist. Yeah, Kevin. Oh, yeah. Yeah, answer that. Well, my tattoo artist, yeah, I don't know. I feel like they just sort of, I feel like they, God, I grew up half-life. I think you gotta do it by the like. By the Dasani bottle. Yeah, you can't do it and be like,

that whole lake's holy now. Yeah. Holy, holy, body's 70% water, boom, holy. Holy. Well, that's basically baptism. Yeah. There's some water on you. You've got water in you. That's exactly what they say.

But it's like- Water on you, water in you. Going up. When I was a kid and I went, I was going to say backstage. That's not the name of a church. But like all the things like the wafers and stuff they're just like, you know set up really boring Lee on a shelf I mean like they're not in some kind of not like yeah, it's just like covenant sacred Like where did you put the like normal crackers?

They should all have like a withered night laying down on the ground in the back and being like, oh, like one, two, three, and you can see, choose a wafer or live with me. You have to move in with the old knight. The wrong wafer. I don't do dishes, I'm a knight. You're like, oh, stupid thing. All right, well, you got to check the garbage out.

Slay the garbage. What do I do? And he swings and falls down. Who would a knight be a good roommate? Like, what would be some advantages of having a knight as a roommate? There would always be a horse under your window to jump out of the window onto it. Yeah, that's true. Free tickets to the Jow's thing. And free free tickets to the jousting.

All the jousting. Although he's always banging that Guinevere. So you don't have to always glove slapping you and stuff. Yeah. Getting a good gloves. So, and then, you know, eating a big turkey leg. Yeah. He comes down stairs in tiny chain mail.

Did you put this in the dryer? What? Yeah, it comes as tiny chainmail. Did you put this in the dryer? What No, I'm not cleaning your stuff it's all pink Kevin have you seen dude too? I did yeah, I went and saw it with previous I literally saw you said dude 2, and I was like, that's not a movie. Dude 2? Dude 2.

Kevin, have you played Doom 2? Do you know all the codes? Yeah. I-D-D-Q-T. Oh. I-D-C-L-I-P. I-N-E-D-A-Q-T? I-D-D-K-F-A?

I tried to play Quake 1 recently, because it was on Xbox Game Pass. And it's tough. It's tough to play those old games that don it was on Xbox Game Pass and it's stuff. It's stuff to play those old games that don't look good and are really... Yeah, anyway. But they had Pixely. They had Pixely and Flat. Pixely Blood.

Yeah. It's not even nearly... Yeah, it's like just the level of gore has gone up by so much. I know. It used to be the most scandalous thing and it's like, brrr, like a red cabbage came out of them for a second. That's it. And you're like, oh, that's not that big of a deal.

But Dune II. Dune II, yeah, I went and saw it with past guests, Tas Van Rassel, Ryan Diel. Is that more sci-fi or fantasy? That is, I'd say it's more sci-fi, because there's like spaceships and other planets and stuff, yeah. What is the nose thing?

Yeah, what are they wearing the nose thing for? My wife won't tell me. You're not allowed to know. She's seen them. It's part of the Fremen, where these still suits, so it's capturing your moisture and recycling it. It's part of the Fremen, it's the still suits when you're capturing your moisture.

I don't know if you've already strip-stripped it. Well, if you knew this all time, wouldn't you tell me? I didn't know all I do, I forgot the word Fremen. It's nothing I want more than to drink my nose water. At the end of the day. At the end of the day, big old turkey leg, get some nose water. Bless this nose water. My two roommates are a knight and a fremen.

There's like a scene where. Get out the wrong window, you'll end on a big old worm. Yeah, that they showed like an extended preview of it. Before what movie did I go see there? Kung Fu Panda 4. Yeah, that was it before Kung Fu Panda 4. But it was like longer than a trailer and it didn't have it's just like a chunk of the movie. Oh, and it was it was like the sand sandworm part They're all jumping around and mmm. It was like I was like, yeah if I knew what was going on, this would be

super cool Yeah, yeah, everyone just shrinks down and they're all in a little sandbox and they're riding around on earthworms Oh cool. Yeah, it's like it's a metaphor for you know how we're not we're not alone in the universe. Yeah No, yeah, we're just there's giant kids somewhere just ready to stomp our whole Freaking Deadpool shows up and he No one Escapes his yes silver tongue no prisoners. Yeah, he roasts. Oh my god. It's not a bad roommates

No prisoners. Yeah, he roasts. Oh my god. It's not a bad roommate. Always looking directly into the camera. Who are you frigging? Jim, get to the office there. Deadpool. Yeah, but we talked about the imagination. Can we talk about it all the time? The imagination of what? Sorry. There's a trailer for a movie that John Krasinski wrote.

Oh, yeah. It says from the imagination of John Krasinski, as if that's the thing we all associate him with. Oh, just a vivid imagination. He creates worlds in his head. Dr. Parnassus. From the imaginary of Dr. Jim from the office.

A just so crazy thing happens and he looks at the camera goes, hmm, crazy. I can't remember what movie I saw. What was playing there before? Zone of interest. Yeah, Zone of interest. That was it. That was it.

No way. I don't know what that is. Oh, see it. Yeah. Sight unseen. It's a laugh riot, I'm sure. I haven't actually seen it. No, it looks like a big bummer. Yeah. Sight unseen is a laugh riot, I'm sure. I haven't actually seen it. No, it looks like a big bummer. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Just like a sad film. That's probably a really good, extremely sad movie. Yeah. Do you ever feel in the mood for a sad movie? Not that kind of sad. That one's about the Holocaust. Okay, yeah, that's intense kind of sad.

But I watched Anatomy of a Fall yesterday. Oh yeah? No spoilers. No spoilers, yeah. Don't tell me the fall has a penis or a butt. But yeah, I won't spoil it. But I'm like, this is a moody movie. Yeah.

I'm like half an hour in, I was like, this is my favorite movie I've ever seen. Oh, nice. And then by the end, I'm like, hmm, this is a find. Yeah, that's how I felt with Decision to Leave. I watched that recently. What's that? It's a Korean movie. It's like about a detective who starts kind of

becoming obsessed slash falling in love with the wife of a guy whose death he's investigating or whatever. Oh, good. But it was one where it was like, okay, I gotta psych myself up for this like psychosexual, you know, murder mystery thing. And, but getting into it was really, it was great. And then at the end I was like,

yeah, it was good, it was really good, it was fine. I was watching, um, I find I, uh, I now just kind of like, I don't really care about the story about, of a movie, I don't care about the plot anymore. I'm all- You're just looking for those crashes. I'm just like, I'm just like, oh, was this a fun place to hang out for two hours?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like, cause I watched, uh, like I felt like Avatar two was the best at that. Yeah. Yeah. It was just like, you want to hang out. I just want to be here. I want to be in this chill out with my friends, Sully and frigging unobtainable. ponytails. Look at that whale's eyeball. Yeah, and be like, oh my God, this is cool. Trial life, amazing. And one time in Hollywood was that. Oh yeah, Brad Pitt driving around. Yeah, and then I just saw the Holdovers. Oh yeah, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, I like that. Like, oh yeah, this is, it's just about this vibe. Like a New England Christmas scene. Yeah, yeah. Although it did feel weird watching it Yeah, I watched it during Christmas and I was having a curmudgeonly Christmas and stuff. It was perfect. Yeah. Yeah, I I watched a lot of horror movies. Do you watch horror movies? Oh occasionally? Yeah, I think of Kevin is a horror movie guy. He was he's the heavy metal capital of Canada

He was, he's the heavy metal capital of Canada. I was moving around. Yeah. But I watched one and it said in the description that it was disturbing. And then at the end of it, I was like, God damn it, that was disturbing. Yeah, but don't they all say that in the description? Yeah, I mean, but I should have, the image I should have known that it was going to be. The Disturber. to be the Disturb. It's me.

The Disturb. You're not disturbing me at all. Guess what? Turned inside out. Watch this. He turned his eyelids inside out. Like, oh no. Oh shit.

He put his thumb in his mouth and then blew and then his eyeballs kind of bulged out more and you're like, oh no. It disturbs me. Put a nail in his nose. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh shit. He put his thumb in his mouth and then blew and then his eyeballs kind of bulged out more

and you're like, oh no! That disturbs me. He put a nail in his nose. Whoa! He's a circus freak. Oh man, do you remember that when the, like, what is it called? Jim Rose Circus Sideshow? No, Jim Rose?

He was some, it was a very 90s thing. It was very, it was like Lollapalooza Circus. Yeah, and it would come to like whatever was the cool bar in town. And they did all that stuff. All that like freak stuff. OK. Like would it have been like the Cobalt, like that type of place? And yeah, like back in the day. Yeah. So like, you know, sword swallower nail in the head. Yeah. And then a few years later, it was just like crack their knuckles really.

Was that your ball? Fuck. Crack their knuckles really. Yeah. Yeah. Was that your, oh, fuck, were those your knuckles? Yeah, yeah. Trimming their really long nails, but only like a little bit. Oh, dude. Painting. Yeah. Yeah.

And there was, because when I was in college, one of my assignments was to like cover an event. So I went to that and there was a, there was something to do with a bone error. I can't remember if it was somebody shooting it with their feet. But I remember thinking like, there's no way this is safe. Because somebody's firing an arrow. Arrow was given a balloon while they walked in.

I'm going to hit one of them. Holding the balloon on the head, straight into the chest. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. influencer and the woman that shot a bow and arrow with her feet. Oh, wow. And he said, like, she spends the whole show just like warming up her joints and uh, they kind of contorting herself. She like, she was on like America's Got Talent or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, wow. And like would fire a couple arrows and hit target, but it's like most of it is her setting up, right? Like getting into the position to shoot. They have any time. Yeah. how much of a show is it? Yeah, I mean, you hope that the arrow's good. Does she do patter? She's stretching and warming up on stage.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Shoots one arrow and she's like, I gotta start cooling down. It's as important as warming up. Yeah. Just pointing the arrow at everybody. Is anybody in from out of town? Anybody on a bachelorette party?

Anything? Yeah. You there in the bullseye shirt. I shouldn't have worn this. I'm just a Who fan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a weird skill to have. Yeah, it is. It's a weird skill to have learned. You know what else's a weird skill to have. Yeah, it is. It's a weird skill to have learned. You know what else is a weird skill to have? Regular archery. Yeah, that's true. I tried during the pandemic trying to like, it was like, sit, was I getting divorced

at the last time I was on here? Who knows? Probably, I think it was probably after that or while it was happening or right before. How many times have you been divorced? At this point, I can't get enough. It's the weddings I hate. I just want to get divorced.

It's like that Paul F. Tompkins character, that alimony Tony. But like, are you, you have a crush on the, the arbiter that's Yeah, negotiating stuff. Yeah. Oh, I'm back again. I mean, if you want to have half my stuff.

He put his eyelids inside back again. I mean, if you want to have half my stuff. You put his eyelids inside out again. The Disturb-er. I have a well-worn copy of Crash. For some reason the VHS is sticking in the box. Disturb-er. What were we talking about again? Uh, archery. Archery. During the pandemic,

I tried to try it out a lot of like hobbies and stuff. But I tried a few things and I kept trying to look up archery things. So I was like, oh, maybe that'll be like a fun thing to just try out or whatever. But the one, the one place I looked at and then immediately gave up after looking at, you- before you got to even do any archery, you had to take a class on the history of archery. And I was like, why do I need to do that to even know if I like archery?

Cause I'll take that class and I'll be like, I don't like this. That was cut down on gun violence if you had to do an essay. Take a class on the history of guns. I mean, archery is pretty easy. I think I know like archery's friends with Jughead. He's always battling with that Regery.

Veronica. Where was this? Like where would be the place you would actually internet? No, where would you practice on commercial drives? I feel like they just had some sort of, they must have had some sort of like large indoor space or something where you could shoot indoors there, I I guess have you ever shot an arrow. Yeah, I have summer camp. Yeah. Yeah, maybe even in gym class Really just like one day a year they brought out

Bowen arrow and sent you up on a hill and you're like shoot it at the kid No, it was in gym. It was in the club in the gymnasium up on a hill and you're like shooting at the kids. No, it was in gym. It was in the gymnasium, but like, it was weird. Cause like sometimes you'd go in that utility room and you'd get the balls or the pennies. Yeah. You went to Lord Robin of Thistly Prince of Thieves

high school. That's right. Yeah, secondary. Uh-huh. Our school song was everything I do, I do it for you. So beautiful. Was like, I did it at a cub camp But I remember them saying like you have to pull it back behind your ear and I was like

Involved yeah, it feels like it's gonna slice it off or something. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm like, how bad do I want to do this? Not that bad, but like then we got to shoot BB guns. Yeah, we did that at camp as well. That ruled. Out of the bow. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. Yeah, but you never did it.

BB guns? Yeah, no. Although archery, no, I didn't end up doing that. Did you do BB guns? No, I've never shot a BB gun or like an airsoft or any of that stuff. What about a paintball? I haven't shot paintballs, but I've shot real guns

Oh, yeah. Yep. I'd like a range. Yeah shooting range out and I want to say like Langley or something Yeah, I may have been under the same one for like a bachelor party. Oh, yeah I did it just to try and get into a bachelor party You're gonna do the desert eagle dude, you're getting married you gotta do the desert eek And they gave you me like a rundown of like, okay, this one, make sure your thumb is down because you don't see it in the movies, but this thing like, shoot comes back so hard. Right. And I did.

And then one time I didn't and totally scraped like all the skin off my thumb. And then you ask them to put the gun on the thing and then shoot at the gun. You're like, stupid gun! I'm mad at the gun. Um, yeah. If that's, uh, I took my, my, uh, current, my, my girlfriend, uh, one of our like early dates. I, I took, I wanted, like, I was gonna surprise her and go to this gun range. Cause like we had previously talked about it, like just got the gun range and that sort of thing. And then it's just like like before we drive for like 40 minutes into like the middle of nowhere to a gun place I'm gonna tell

you that I'm doing that to make sure you're okay with the whole thing yeah well we're here yeah is this gonna be fun walked out this like dark you know road is only headlights and then that's like gun place in the middle of the night. I wanted to surprise you. 24 hour gun plays. You guys are open, right? Oh, thank God. Cool. I just had a dream. I gotta shoot my zombie paper zombie targets. Were you there?

Did you go? Yeah, yeah. We've been a couple of times now. Really? Is it handguns in your home? Yep, handgun, shotgun, handgun, belly gun. You gotta do a lot of, you know, stretches and contorting to use the foot gun. I will say, I think that stuff is those, those like shooting with your feet and that sort of stuff is so impressive and takes so much, like all the warming up, it takes so much like core strength, the flexibility and mobility. Like that woman's going to be shooting arrows into her eighties, I'm sure. Yeah.

At 80 year olds. Now that's- At her home, just like, they're house cleaners stealing my jewelry. No, she isn't. The house cleaner's just like a pile of housekeepers on the ground, covered in arrows. Um, yeah, that just seems so impressive, but it's such a crazy niche. Like for the longest time I was working out trying to like, be like Like look like a cool shredded guy or something never never worked out

And I feel like the older I get the more I'm like I want to learn how to shoot an arrow with my feet Cuz then I'll have like crazy mobility and crazy Actually healthy and useful strength, yeah, and I'll have a self-defense system system. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me just warm up. Do some patter. Anybody from out of town? Mugger waiting. Yeah, it's like, it's what show business was in the Vaudeville. Like it was just like, that could be your ticket around the world where you could shoot arrows with your feet. Or contortionist stuff like, yeah, like all those, all those Cirque du Soleil people are like the most crazy shredded, like, you know, physically fit people around.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you guys ever heard of WC Fields? Comedy? Yeah. Yeah. His thing that he toured around forever is that he was like a trick shot pool players.

So he traveled with this pool table and like did it on stage and he like knew tricks. And slowly the pool table got more and more popular and top billing and he's like, God damn it. Then a pinball machine comes in, we don't need you at all. And they just start doing a sex show together and WC was like, this isn't good, I don't like that. Live sex on stage.

Pinball machine takes on both of our two trucks that crash into each other. Well should we say something about the Max Fun Drive before we get to- You would be irresponsible not to say something about the Max Fun Drive. Absolutely, let's do it. Oh, it's us again. Big surprise. We're here during the Max Fun Drive and we want to talk about you as a member. Look at you sitting there or driving, doing whatever you're doing.

Look at you. Look at you jogging dishes. Yeah. Aren't you having such a great time with us? I'm enjoying it immensely. And you know what? You can join us. You can be part of the whole mechanism that is max fun. Don't you want to be part of the machine? Yeah, do you want to be an important cog in the machine?

Anytime anybody says cog in the machine, I think of Charlie Chaplin going through those cogs. Oh yeah. That's the classic. That must've felt so good. Yeah, probably got his back all over the place. Yeah, if you had like a bad back going Probably got his back. Oh, yeah Like a bad back going through those cogs Oh, that would be so fun if you went to like if there was like a kid's version where there's like trampolines and stuff

But then there's an area for adults where they could go through Yeah, also if there was another area for adults where you could you know meet your own little tramp Well, it's the Max fun driving. That word sure did change meanings. Our show, despite being fun and nice and topical, yeah, it needs money. It needs money. We took last year's money and gammeled it away

on the Kentucky Derby. We didn't have a tip or anything. We just randomly chose a horse. Yeah, I was like, put it all on mint julep and they're like, that's a drink. Well, you put it all towards a big mint julep. I barfed so much. Yeah, Dave really puked all over. Yeah, but I didn't need mouthwash for four months

Yeah, it was and you know what we've got to wear our fancy hats. Mm-hmm. So is it was all worth it Maximum fun. Here's what it is. It's a network of shows. We're one of those shows and our show doesn't have commercials in it No, it is a show that it Provides both of us with a living Without you having to sit through, Hey, here's a mattress you should buy, motherfucker. Hey, look at you with your stupid lower back. Go in the cog machine.

We're not one of these. Look. Look, are we plugging the cog machine? Of course. Look, I'm, it's far be it for me to speak to what other podcasts have to do. But as soon as we got out of podcast advertising, the ads got bad. It's all debt consolidation and like, uh, like drugs and, and, hey, do you want to, uh, have a gig worker be your psychiatrist? Do you remember when it was like, we got one that was like for berries?

Yeah, we had to go to like be on a call for like a $50 ad. We had to like go on a Friday afternoon and be on a conference call. But it's like such a nice thing like berries. Yeah, that's true. And now it's all gambling. Anyway, we don't do that. But what we do do is we spend two weeks a year asking you to support the show. Go to maximumfun.org slash join.

And if you already support the show, we just want to say thank you. Thank you so much. If you can't support the show because you don't have the scratch this time of year, we understand. Yeah, of course. But if you would like to support the show, if you appreciate the show as much as we would appreciate you appreciating the show. Yeah, exactly. How do we appreciate what you're doing? Head over to maximumfun.org slash join. Here's how it works. You say how much you would like, at what level you would like to support every month.

You pick the shows on the network that you listen to. So it's going towards the shows that you want and not, and no other shows, just the ones you want. So if you only listen to this show, we'll get all of your support. If you listen to us and two other shows, the three shows will split that evenly. Yeah. Uh, and then depending on the level at which you support, you can

choose the gifts that you get. But at $5 a month, that's the basic level, the lowest level. Um, and it's, it's good. It's that's the good level. That's the good level. That's where we put most of our effort in because at that level you get bonus content. And sweet Bippy, get ready to hear this. We're the kings of bonus content.

We're the queen, queens of bonus content. Kings of the wings. And we do not just one episode a year. No. We've been doing two episodes a month. A month. For the last three years? Yeah.

That means that most of the bonus content in the back catalog belongs to us truly. Damn right. Yours truly. If you haven't heard any of our bonus content, once a month we bring you the hottest topics of the day. We analyze them and make them digestible for you, the listener. We've done an entire series about Mr. Bean

and every episode of Mr. Bean. Dave Wright's a great song at the very end that is fantastic. I did do a Mr. Bean song to the tune of Leaving on a Jet Plane. It was great. You wanna hear that. You wanna hear that alone.

We did an episode. We do this Seinfeld game where we reconstruct all episodes of Seinfeld based on one of the plot lines. We do our jingle episodes where people call in with their favorite jingles. We did an episode about goire. We were, we had never really learned much about goire. So we wanted to know about them. And so we did it

Yeah, we did an episode where we revealed what our algorithms are showing us. Oh, yeah on our social media white ladies with dreads Spoilers We did we do these episodes I think we've only done a couple where we do like ten things we love about blank Yes, so we did one about guns and roses. We did one about Al Pacino We'll do more. Oh, no, we did one about Batman too. Oh, yeah we did Oh, we did a full scary stunt casting episode. We summarized media we had never seen.

We tried to figure out the plot of like fallout, the video game. Yeah. And I think we were pretty successful. We looked at old Canadian TV shows, old Canadian heritage minutes, old Canadian commercials. Oh man, if you want to deep dive on all the other Canadian TV shows, old Canadian heritage minutes, old Canadian commercials. Oh man, if you want a deep dive on all the Canadian pop culture, we're giving it to you. So yeah, there's tons of bonus content in the library. If you want to support us at $5 a month, we can talk about some of the other things you might get at different levels later in the show. But now that we're talking about it,

now that you're thinking about it, go to maximumfun.org slash join. Yeah. And you know what? We'll see you in a bit. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, big food week over here. Oh shit.

What the heck? What do you mean just eating big foods? Giant banana, huge empanada. Oh, I need a huge empanada. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could get into that. Which one's empanada is the one with the sauce on it? Oh, that's enchilada. Yeah, the empanada is like a little, like a kind of a pocket that's like deep fried.

Kind of a dumpling, yeah. Yeah. That's good stuff. Let's wrap this up and go get some empanadas. Hell yeah. Here's a couple of food stories this week. Okay. So first food story, I got a pack of eggs,

a dozen of them. A dozen shit, okay. And I took three eggs out and one of them was really small and I was like, what the, I got screwed by the egg council. Get crack out. Eggs there for breakfast, unless you catch the tiny ones. Yeah, then after eggie wonkas Egg Factory, so I cracked one of the big ones. I

cracked one of the big ones and One came out to yolks Shit amazing, and I crack the other big one to you know Shit amazing and I crack the other big one to yo Wow, and it turns out it I didn't have I didn't get screwed I got two Yeah, yeah Whatever you're making did it require four yolks or like what did you do once you had yeah? It was making eggs

They came in handy good skies the limit the situation I don't think I've ever had that before. I know. I've never had it either. I've heard. Was the little one one of them? Or was the little one something else? No, the little one was regular. Wait, what do you mean?

Didn't you say there was a little one? It turns out there wasn't a little egg. It was a regular sized egg. But of the three eggs I pulled out, just two happened to to be enormous So the regular one seems small. Yeah. Yeah That's gotta be good luck or something or bad luck. That's almost almost like our ASMR thing Yeah, just speak louder and I'm quieter and it sounds so much quieter Guys are loud. Anyways, and then I cooked them. I ate them. Yeah, nice tastes just like regular. What are we talking with? Scramble fried. What do you talking about? Scrambled, fried?

What do you do? I believe they were. Tex-Mex? I think they were, hmm. Gordon Ramsay style? Yeah, it was scrambled. Yeah. I've yet to figure out the perfect way to get scrambled eggs.

There's no perfect way. I tried to follow the Gordon Ramsay one, but it just kind of makes that like, I don't know, I guess that's like, is that a British thing for like the really like kind of snotty eggs? Is that the one where he's like constantly stirring? Constantly stirring. Just butter and eggs and on and off the heat.

Take it on and off the heat, yeah. And then you donkey. He yells at you. He's Shrek. But then it really, you don't do it in a pan, you do it in kind of a pot, a little like a little saucepan. And so much just gets stuck to it. Yeah, yeah. And then suddenly you're almost creating like an egg crepe all over the bottom.

You're like, am I doing this right? Yeah. I don't even know. You know that a chef's hat points to his head where the head goes, where the head goes into the head. That white hat that has it has like, I think I heard it has a hundred folds. And each of those folds represent a different way to cook eggs. No, really? Chef must learn.

Man. And slowly gets it unfolded until it's a big like reggae hat. It's like one love, one egg. There's only one way to make it. Um, yeah, I guess there are a lot of ways to make eggs. But like Gordon Ramsay, imagine you slept with him and you're waking up the next morning, he's like, I'm gonna make eggs and then he's gone for like 25 minutes.

Doing a show, there's like a film crew and it's like, they just put a big old knob of butter in there, keeps stirring it on and off the heat, off the heat, off the heat, you donkey! And you're just in the bedroom like, why is he coming back, man? I'm chilly, he took my clothes away too. I'm so hunky and I woke up next to him

and I was like, hey, Gordon. Did you make breakfast in bed? Can you do your special? Have you ever had breakfast in bed or are you not a TV mom? Oh! Yeah, I've never had like a mother's day. No, I've got room service

and I feel like that's pretty luxurious when you get it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, just in the, with the chrome, whatever. Yeah. The cloche or something. The cloche. Yeah, the cloche.

Got a load of Mr. Egg over here. Yeah. Just a little egg cloche. Just for the eggs. Have you guys ever had room service? Yeah. Yeah. Really?

I haven't. I think very much like, like anytime my family was ever in a hotel, it was always like, don't take anything out of the minibar. We're not ordering room service. Like it's not happening. Not happening. So now I'm just paranoid about it. I've only had it on work trips where I have a per diem.

Yeah. Well, I got to spend this on food. It's not worth it, but at the same time, it's worth it. It's so worth it. It's breakfast, especially, because it the same time it's worth it. Oh, it's so worth it. It's for breakfast especially, cause it's like, it's not gonna be too expensive. But you're like, this is, you know, $28 for eggs and toast, but oh, it's brought right to your room

and there's a guy whose job it is to deliver it. I steal that cloche. I can keep it. I kept the cloche. Just put it under your stomach, you're like, oh, food baby. There's clearly a huge handle sticking out. Don't worry about him, he's got a food baby.

Yeah. Oh boy. The other food thing. Oh yeah. This is a TikTok food trend. Okay. That my children had heard about and they requested. Okay.

And they said, dad, can you make us- Is it cake? Yeah, you can make us a ketchup bottle. Is it cake? Is it ugly cake? Yeah. It was, can you make us this viral TikTok pancake spaghetti? What?

Okay. Pancakes? Break it down, break it down. So it is spaghetti made out of pancakes. Oh, so you, okay. You just make pancakes and then you slice them up? No, you, well, if you have it, and I happen to have like one of those ketchup tubes or mustard tubes, like the restaurant tube style. Yeah.

Oh, okay. You fill that with pancake batter. And the video I saw, or mustard tubes like the restaurant tube style. Yeah. Oh, okay. You fill that with pancake batter. And the video I saw, I was from the Today Show, so I knew it was a safe. I knew this trend has gone mainstream. Yeah. It was, you put a, like a cookie sheet across two burners.

Oh yeah, yeah. And then you squirt pancake batter in like... Thin lines? In spaghetti style thin lines yeah. Love that. And so I did that and it was very difficult because yeah it cooks you can't flip them. Yeah right. So you have to get them to cook through but not burn. Not burn. And then. How would you do that? And then if you're making a batch of them for two kids, you put them aside and they immediately become ice cold because they are.

All surface area. Yeah. They can't hold any heat. So we did that and then I tried, I was like, this isn't working. And I was removing them from heat, adding them to heat, constantly stirring the Gordon Ramsay method. And so I just did it in a pan and it worked perfectly.

And you serve it with the syrup as the sauce. That's fun. And you eat it with a fork, they twirl it around. Big old egg meatball, hard boiled egg for meatball. Yeah. Some kind of, I don't know, lucky charms pesto. Just all the green marshmallows. Yeah.

Clovers. I would have just boiled actual pasta and I just put maple syrup on it or whatever. I'd be like, no, that's what it is. This, I did it. Would you? Elf? Yeah. It's what it is. I did it. What are you, elf? Yeah. Yeah. That's good enough for elf.

Yeah. You think you're better than elf? My kids would eat that. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, what do they know, you know? I made this out of pancakes. It's just, looks like spaghetti. No, no, but that's what happens

when you make pancake spaghetti. But it was, I was like, oh, this sucks. And then they requested it the next day. Oh really? You figured it out. This isn't part of the rotation. Maybe I'm gonna have eggs. What the hell's a small one doing? Throwing them all out. Have you had any viral sensation food? Yeah, the last TikTok food sensation was like this pasta that you bake a bunch of. Pancakes.

Feta cheese and tomatoes, or like cherry tomatoes. You bake them until they all get goopy together, and then you add your noodles to it. That was probably the biggest TikTok food trend. Do you find them? Is it just because you look at food stuff it knows to give you like, here's the hot new? My children find them, found that one,

because I guess they follow the Today Show. Ha! And you found the other one because you follow this office worker lady who's like, oops, my pancake-piscini file. Sir, you ordered the pancake-piscini file? Yeah. Ha! The one I got today was, oh, looks like the elevator stopped.

Well, I'm sure we can find something to do. Oh gosh. Ma'am! Fix the elevator? What do I look like? It's been stopped for one second. Yeah, let's give it a couple minutes. Before we start porking, as you eloquently put it.

It's broken, so maybe we pork? Gross. We gotta repopulate the elevator. Repopulate the office. It's on us now. Dystopic. I love it. Yeah, the internet is the answer. Oh man, is it ever? That other trend was like the big table tops full of stuff,

where people were just putting different things on, like a tabletop or something. There's too many trends. Yeah, too many. Just open things up. I don't know. Putting things on a tabletop? Just like on a tabletop.

I can't remember. I feel like it's like hummus and other stuff, but it's all on the table. And you're like, do you just scrape things off the table? Oh, gross. Yeah, it looked really gross. I did, there was one guy I saw, I saved his video because I was like, this appeals to me in a weird way.

He was like, here's all the food I eat in one day. And it was like, bunch of fried eggs and avocado in a pile. And I was like, there's something to this. On a cut open garbage bag, laid out flat on the floor. Slam, slam, like blah, blah, blah, blah. The Disturber's there. Slippin' around. Anyway, what's going on with you, Graeme?

How you doing, Graeme? I'm good. Speaking of glutinous pancake preparation, I'm going to the Juno Awards. When are those? I think they might be yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Oh.

I'm there, I lost. No, no. Yeah, congratulations to Mae Martin. Yes, exactly. You brought home the win. And so I was like, you know what? I feel like I'm puffy. I'm gonna just not eat gluten for like a week or two

and just see what happens. When I feel like I'm puffy, it helps to hang out with the notorious B.I.G. I was gonna say mace. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And here's what I've learned.

Everything has gluten in it. Yeah. Every fucking thing you want to eat. Some form of gluten is like big gluten. Like candy. What's the most like, like, like, like almond milk has gluten in it? God damn it. Mars bars. Oh.

Cause you're like, you don't, I don't think this. I don't want to look puffy. I'm gonna eat a million Mars bars. Not a million! I'm just getting down from a usual count you guys. I'm getting it down to 12 instead of 17 a week. But yeah that shit's got barley in it. Barley's got gluten? Yeah I know it's all the fucking- and then there's like people who are allergic to it for real like the celiac they can't have any trace of it. But people who like kind of respond to gluten can have things that have trace amounts in it.

Like sourdough bread has a very low gluten compared to like any other kind of bread or whatever. As we mentioned, it's the body horror of bread. That's a surprising, like I feel like sourdough is an excellent bread. It might be my favorite type of bread. And most of the time when it's like, Have you tried gingerbread?

Can't catch it. Most of the time when it's like, I can't eat. Gingerbread? Can't catch it. Most of the time the thing when you can't eat something it's all trash is like we usually like when you're like a vegan it's like, well all the vegan replacements for things are not good. But like sourdough is a great. But isn't sourdough, isn't it just regular flour? I think you have to get like a particular type of like

cause it's something about the mother, the culture of the thing that's different than a regular loaf of bread I don't know. Oh, but I don't have any sourdough. So But it's yeah I was just shocked by how many things and just things that I would eat without thinking about it, right? Like I was gonna eat a spring roll. I was like, no baby, let's let's go flour on it shit like that so you just call Alicia every time you're about to eat something yeah yeah yes I have several times sent messages is there gluten in this yes there's the most gluten in this gluten is rice but to take an Evo is it got gluten in it yeah it's gluten. I did see a one time, I was in my parents' garage

and like they had a bunch of old boxes with whatever in it. And one was a box that just said, sweet glutenous corn on it. And I was like, that would be a good thing to say like, for like a villain to say when Batman foils them. Sweet glutenous corn. Or I guess it's what Robin says. Or Robin says, yeah.

Holy sweet gluten is corn, Batman. The disturber is loose in Gotham. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, it's tough. It's just, it's weird because it's like, Alicia's my friend and she's been gluten free for years. And so she knows all the like, you can get this, you get that. Yeah.

But it's, I was just shocked by how much it's in everything. It's got, it sneaks into a lot of stuff. Yeah. There's nothing sneak into about it. I think. Well, I got like fried rice and it had gluten in it. And I was like, well, you wouldn't think rice would have gluten in it. Cause you're.

But why wouldn't you? Because I guess I don't really know what gluten is. Yeah, I guess I don't either. It's sort of in flour. Yeah. And it's like, I want to say it's a protein, but it's the part of the flour that makes flour flour is gluten. What's flour without gluten?

Well, it would be sugar. I've been eating a lot of sugar. I've been eating whole bowls of sugar. What flour without gluten? Well it would be... Sugar. I've been eating a lot of sugar. I've been eating whole bowls of sugar. I pour water on it. Do it like the fly. So have you... But you probably went through this when you became a vegetarian as well. Yeah.

You're like, oh I can't have jello. Yeah, that's right. Wait, Mars bars have salmon in it? Produced in a factory that also manufactures oysters. Oysters are manufactured? Yeah, they're man-made lab-grown oysters. Made by Cadbury. You actually have to take the caramel out of the oysters before we serve them.

Actually, the inside of a cream egg is a lot like an oyster You guys have both had oysters. Yeah, man raw style or only I've never had cooked The idea of cooked oysters grosses me out for some reason I think I think I tried a smoked like one of those canned smoked oysters or whatever and I couldn't I couldn't handle it For some reason the the raw, like super gross ones are somewhere more palatable. What is the cooked one like? Is it like chewy or is it? The ones I had were like from a can,

so they were definitely like very chewy and tough. Yeah. And it was smoked, so they were just really smoky. Like it was just like smoky gum that you ate. It was like, like, not good. But I was at a bar and I asked if they had any gluten free beer. A lot of bars have it now.

And she said, why can't have gluten? I drink Bud Light because it's made out of rice. So I looked it up and it does have gluten in it, but tiny, tiny percentage compared to like beer that's made with barley and wheat. But couldn't you just have like tequila? Yeah, well, yeah, absolutely. It's, that's what I've been doing is having whiskey.

Yeah. It's a pint of vodka. Yeah. And it's just like, you know. Well, what's whiskey made out of? It's got whatever is in it, it's gluten, is the, the distillation process kills it. So it's not, it has it at the beginning

and then it doesn't have it at the end. There's some beers that have, that aren't vegan. Oh yeah. Cause they have, what's it called? Icing glass. It's icing. It's like fish. It's like those like microscopic, like almost crustaceans

or something like that to help filter. Yeah, like fish livers that filter out whatever. Gross, gross. Or maybe not in it, but it's part of the process. I don't know. I used to work at a brewery and that was a question we would get a lot. And yeah, I can't remember what that thing is. Excuse me, sir. Does this have icing glass in it?

Yes, it does. The souls of so many icing glasses. Yeah, I think there's- Is it pronounced that way? Yes, it does. The souls of so many icing glasses. Yeah, I think there's- Is it pronounced that way? I think there's Irish moss is the non-animal based thing that they try and like, clarify beer with, but I don't think it's as effective. Yeah.

I recall you hated that job. Yes. And it's crazy. It took me so long to figure out. No, I kind of knew at the time that it was because my dad was an alcoholic and serving beer and having to cut people off and stuff was not fun. Yeah. But I don't think I realized that at the time.

It was also like, I got to deal with this. I'm just, I've Googled the pronunciation. Icinglass. Icinglass. Icinglass. Icinglass. Here's the slower one. Icinglass. Whoa, a slower one. Icing glass.

Whoa, a little stank on that last one. I like that the slower one has like irritation that it has to repeat. Hello. Icing glass. I do and I do and I do for you kids. Icing glass. All the slowed down versions have that. Yeah.

But yeah, it's it's been an interesting experiment how long has it been two weeks I think yeah you're outspread in two weeks as I had gluten keep going keep going put it on the sandwich and I lost it now I gotta eat nothing but eggs one more one more started flower without gluten and I got in trouble. There you go. Oh, man, I was the head wager. You think you're looking at gluten, man? Pfft!

Hahaha! Thought you were looking at gluten, man. Yeah, but no, you're not at all. That's a different guy. Hahaha! It's the Disturber. Hahaha! He's everywhere this way, guy.

He's in gluten. Yeah, no, yeah, I can't enjoy him. Yeah, I'm not allowed to watch movies. Whoa, you're not allowed to watch movies with gluten in them? Yeah, that's part of it. So it's psychological, you know? It takes, you don't realize how much gluten is in movies.

You know? You wanna look good in pictures. Is there a weight loss component to this? Are you, do you own a scale? I don't own a scale. I never have. Do you own one? I own one, but only recently, over the last year,

I was going to like a fancy gym, cause I was like, this is it. I'm spending money and I'm gonna get shredded. Yeah. That doesn't, that's not how it works. You didn't spend enough money. I didn't spend enough money. I didn't get to platinum tier.

Yeah. Yeah. And the next thing I'm't get to platinum tier. Yeah. Yeah, and the next thing I'm going to get tattooed is some abs. Abs all over my body. Yeah, and then I went off of that and I've slowly been like going through a journey of like healing my relationship to like my body and body dysmorphia and food and all this stuff, because it was like all driven by me being like, I'm disgusting. Right. I had this joke with Mark of the Sunday Service where I'd be like, Kevin, you know me from my body dysmorphia and my horribly disgusting body.

Yeah. That's how I felt. But yeah, so I'm not weighing myself. I'm like having to buy all new clothes and stuff because I'm kind of getting bigger right now. Okay. Yeah, dealing with the stuff. Yeah, it's, I haven't noticed.

Kevin, why would you have body dysmorphia? Your body's great, guy who doesn't get it. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking at you right now, you look great. Bless my mom, that's literally what she said. And then she's like, well, you know, just don't have snacks in the house. I'm like, that's not at all how it works

The last guy who should have body this Morpheus And what you have to do is perfectly Morpheus when you're eating a whole bag of chips. Stop eating them Get the fuck off my phone mom get out of here I'm going back to hang out with the Disturb here Oh, please. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, they didn't tell me They just took my weight down and recorded it and I was like, but did they do this? Yeah, I do that with my doctor with everything when they take blood I'm like, I don't want to know about that blood Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just take it. I don't care what you do with it. It's just it's out of my body now I break my leg. I don't want to know it's a single thing about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just my business Not my circus, not my monkeys. Well, before we go on some over-hertz, do you guys want to talk about the Max Fun Drive?

Just you and me. OK, all right. Kevin, you're out. Bye. Folks, here it is. Let's lay our hearts on the line here. Yeah, we love you. We've been wanting to say it.

We watch you around. You know, we've we just something about just it. You don't know you're beautiful. Yeah, it's just like we have. We've been kind of observing you just in humdrum everyday things. Yeah, just the way you brush your hair back or are bald. Yeah, and also it's Christmas time. So that's when you tell the truth.

And you know what? You've got us dead to rights. We love you. To me, you are beautiful. Anyways, we just wanted to say we have a crush on you. Yeah. And now we're going to ask for money. Yeah, that's right. Oh, And now we're gonna ask for money.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, that's how they hook, line and sticker. They bring you in with the kissy kissy and then boom, they want money. Well, you've had your kissy kissy. And if you're new to the Max Fun Drive world, Maximum Fun is listener supported. So that means all the shows on the network

are paid for and Boyed by you the listener. Yeah They are I Feel boyed I feel boy, but you know most of your podcasts are Outside of maximum fun, they're supported by Lockheed Martin and that's right and Halliburton So go and Halliburton. So go to Halliburton slash spy to get a 15% discount on an aircraft carrier. Okay, here we go. So yes, we are fully supported by our listeners and we are so fortunate that

that is the case because our listeners turns out pretty generous. Yeah, and you're a lovely bunch and did we tell you you're so beautiful? Beautiful. Hmm. Oh gosh. Anyways, I'm embarrassed now getting all flustered. Yeah. But you know, you can sign up for one of the levels is just like five bucks a month.

You got an extra five bucks getting around You can send us five bucks a month and we will give you in turn Access to every bit and pieces of our bonus episode. Yeah. Yes. We do have an empire of bonus episodes and They're great. We talked about them before But also at five dollars a month, you'll get this year's bonus content as well, which is, well, I mean, we do stuff every month, but this month's bonus content, we did a crossover episode with Jordan and Jesse Goh. You like those guys? You like us? Boy, oh boy, you're going to two great flavors

that taste better together. There you go. And we also did an insane episode with Ryan Beale where we reconstructed the episode where we reconstructed an old episode of a Paula Tompkins episode. Come be incepted in a podcast. It's insane and it's got to be heard to be believed. So will you please join us as a member at maximumfund.org join. And well yeah this is it's our privilege to be able to do this show and have it supported by listeners. And yeah, if you've never done it before, no better time than now. Go to maximumfund.org slash join. Oh, but before we get back to the show at, if you join or upgrade at $10 a month.

Yeah. You can get the pin of your choice of Every show on the network has their own pin, and this year, ours is pretty cool. It's very simple, it's just two words. It says possible guest. And if you know the show, you know what that refers to. You get it. Yeah, and it's kinda, it's sorta like you get to play,

like, hey, maybe I'm a guest on the show. Yeah, guest role play, to spice things up in the bedroom. Yeah, you and your to spice things up. You and your partner will be like, okay, let's pretend that I'm a guest on podcasting yourself and you're you. But I'm still me. I've just, you know, been invited on the show. And there's different levels with different prizes that you can be awarded.

One of them, my favorite is a maximum fund bag. That's a giant, giant tote bag. It's very funny. Yeah, it's good. It says maximum bag on it. I believe that's at $35 a month. But yeah, whatever, whatever is your flavor of supporting the show, we appreciate it.

Yeah. And it's super simple to do. It's very important to support the artists you like. We all do it. We all do it. In this world of tipping culture gone mad. Hey, tip us. Yeah.

Why don't you tip us? Yeah. We've done excellence. We've done more than the basic. We just have at least a percentage. Anyway, thank you for sitting through this and now back to the show. Back to the show.

Go to maximumfun.org slash join and we will go to Overheard's. Overheard. Overheard's, a segment where, boy, isn't it fun to hear things out there in the world? It is, you know it is. And if you hear it, we wanna hear it too. So send it in to sbymaximumfun.org.

We always like to start with a guest. Kevin, what have you overheard? Just an old man laughing on a porch. I have not overheard very much. I apologize to youard very much. Uh, I apologize. Don't. To you and your listeners. Uh, I almost always have my headphones in.

Uh, I also- Listen to that crazy metal. That crazy metal music. That was so loud. Over and- Yeah, I was on the bus and I overheard this guy go, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, dungeon, uh, uh, uh, uh. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Oh, shit. That is kind of an overheard. I was at my mom's place and she was like, she has hearing aids and she was talking to us for a bit and we're like, oh, maybe we put like, uh, put some music on or something.

She's like, what? Like, can you hear that? And we're like, no. And then it took a minute for her to figure out that the music was getting like Bluetooth into her ear buds the whole time or like her hearing aids. So she thought that like we had nice background music and she was the only person hearing it That was pretty good. Mom's really calm. Yeah But she gets out her rage that way and she simmers down. Yeah, definitely. She's always out there in the pit

Yeah, swinging her arms and legs Flying them all over the place Dave do you have an award? Yeah? Putting a chip clip on the chips. Oh, yes. Just stop. I don't, but my wife was kind enough to give me hers. That's nice. And she went to Dress So.

Which is a store in downtown Vancouver that sells fabric. Buttons, zippers. And like fun little Halloweeny things. which is a store in downtown Vancouver that sells fabric, buttons, zippers. And like fun little Halloweeny thing. They also have a big Halloween section during Halloween times. But the rest of the year, it's just, you know, certainly people cutting your fabric for you.

But she overheard two women and one of them said, you're doing a Renaissance fair, people will look down on you. And then she added, also cause you're short. But in Renaissance time you would have been huge. Napoleon's actually pretty full for his time. Ren fair. But I feel like, yeah,

I wouldn't look down on someone. Who did a Ren Fair? Who did a Ren Fair, unless that's all they did. Yeah, like somebody who that's their full-time job. Or the Renaissance was like the American South during the Civil War. They're like, we're doing a Ren Fair. It's just the Civil War.

And they're only like, this side is good. And they'd be like, no, it's bad. The Renaissance will rise again. OK. But yeah, if someone was like, if you knew someone who did Renaissance Faires and you didn't know anything about them, anything else about them, you'd be like, this is Graham.

He's my Renaissance Faire friend. Yeah, yeah. He's probably going to talk to you about Renaissance Faires. Oh, he's got a pouch. That's great. Ye fanny pack cuckoo. With his leather sling for shooting arrows at crows so he can take them to market.

I watched a documentary about like a town, I guess it's like Tombstone's like a real town and they recreate Wyatt Earp, the like OK Corral battle. And they're like in real life, it was about 10 seconds. They draw it out, like they have to make a whole show out of it, so there's like all this banter and all this shit going on. And then the shooting part takes forever.

Like they're like, it's like a machine gun massacre. It's like when I'm at the county fair and I just wanna watch the pig races, but they're just gonna talk them up for so long. I don't let them race. Yeah, that's true. It's a lot of like at the track. It's a lot of just sitting around and doing math to figure out odds and stuff like that. And then, you know, if you're lucky, like I am, millionaire.

Yeah, it's really boring. I've been a figure out odds and becoming super rich. It's just be like one of those blog posts of like, I'm 23 and I'm already a millionaire. Find out how. I went to the dog track and bet on Mars has gluten in it. And it won in the third heat. I'm 23, I'm already a millionaire.

And why are you kicking me? Please stop, please. Why is everyone mad at me? My overheard comes courtesy of in downtown Vancouver at the waterfront station. There's always buskers out in front of it. And there's, I think they work on shifts because I've seen the same guy many times. And his busking thing is that he stands on stilts that have hooves on the bottom. So he's on stilts and he plays bagpipe.

And I think there maybe is also a fire element to it, I can't remember, but I was passing him and there was a guy trying to like justify not giving him money, but I wanna give you something. So he's offering him a beer, this is 11 in the morning. And the guy is just saying, I don't know, man, I just wanna play. Mm.

It's still about the music for me. Yeah. I don't know, man, I just want to play. It's still about the music for me. I don't want to get wasted. It must be tough for buskers because no one has cash. No. Yeah. Although I was at the drugstore and there was somebody out front selling cookies or whatever and they've got tap. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And the salvation. It used to be my whole thing like that. What are we gonna do? Take them and leave the Salvation Army had like when the Christmas They had like a $5 tap and a $2 tap. Oh, wow. Yeah that I feel will probably be the thing in the future

It's just somebody will be they'll be donated tap machines and yeah, and I'll never do it. Yeah. It's a busker. The busker will just have their guitar case open and then a little square tap reader in the middle of it. And you're like, oh, I only have change. I don't know. Sorry.

This bank account only has 25 cents. 37 cents in it. Yeah, that is always a funny like if somebody stole your identity, you'd be like, have it. Hope you like being broke. If you want to steal some money, you're gonna have to put some in. Now we also get overheard sent into us from people all over the world. If you don't want us to be broke anymore, then support the Max Fun Drive. Absolutely.

I don't, I can't busk outside anymore. My resort to being a busker cast. Oh, there's gotta be a busker podcast. It did occur to me in the early years of this show of, uh, like buying one of those, you know, phone repair kiosks, like renting one of those in the mall and just being like in the middle of the mall podcast. That'd be pretty good. Yeah, that's cool. That's I think that's still got legs Food cart podcast I'd listen to in a heartbeat. Yeah, that's true

now Yeah, what now what I'm gonna read these overheards have been sent it to us This first one's from Kayla. This is a Hamilton, Ontario. And if you want to send one into us, it's SPY at maximum fun.org. You damn right. Uh, my husband and I were walking in downtown Hamilton and past two guys standing outside a bar, having a smoke. As we walked by, we heard one of them say golf.

Now there's a sport I'd like to play on acid, which I can see it, you know, you're out in nature. Yeah, I guess. Golf club, you're like, it's my dad's penis. I gotta go home guys. I gotta go home. Four. Are the balls all singing to you guys? Are they begging you not to hit them with a club?

The only way they survive is if I get a hole in one. Oh god. God, this is so fucking stressful. Yeah, that's, I've never, is this TMI for the podcast? Have you guys ever done asset before? I've not. I have. I haven't. I would like to, but I'm also terrified for this reason of like, am I going to have a crazy?

If you, if you're at some place where you're not comfortable, it's not gonna be fun. But if you're somewhere where like, these surroundings are, you know. So I guess that explains why that girl in my grade eight science class got kicked out of school for doing ass. Oh, really?

She was somewhere she didn't wanna be. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. I, can you imagine? That's how you find out you hate school? She said there were a little green guys crawling over like, really? Yeah. Oh, wow.

That's horrible. Oh, that's horrible. Stressful. Yeah, I think it's like a thing. Eventually it'll be a legal thing and they'll use it for what it was meant for. Therapy. Thing and they'll use it for what it was meant for therapy What it was meant for? government experiments This next one comes from

This is Steven and Westchester. This is of the kids say the darndest variety Was that the zoo with family and I heard one of the darndest kids they have a darndest thing It was by the camel enclosure and this was said by a boy on his father's shoulder with family and I's one of our treasures. She is. She's a. Yeah. Huh. Yeah.

Yeah. If I found out that she was like playing somewhere, I might go see her. Oh yeah? Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised to find out she was like, she might be someone who shows up on Broadway. Oh yeah. Like she's playing Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard.

And this is her pants. Did Fergie pee her pants? Yeah. Oh, wow. On stage. There's definitely a big wet spot on her pants on stage at one point. Yeah. But the other, what she's famous for,

being a black eyed B. Yeah. London Bridge. Her solo album, The Duchess, with London Bridge. That crazy NBA All-Star game. I know that one. National anthem. Oh yeah.

Where none of the players could keep a straight face. Yes. Oh. And the pee-pee pants. And her 90s girl group, Wild Orchid. Wild Orchid? I don't know. Was she in any, cause I feel like.

She might've been like a Disney kid as well. Yeah, I was like, is she in a movie or something like that? Like Will.i.am, you know? He was in a lot of pivotal roles in all Like Will.i.am, you know, he was in a lot of pivotal roles. And all these roles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he was in like the Wolverine movie. His life was.

He was in Crash, he played the Seyfield salesman, but they were like, no thanks. That's Seyfield. Don't need it. We've got a guy without Seyfield. Not, trust me, I don't need that. Do not upsell me to the seat belt. Actually, it's included.

Get, wear your scissors, take it out. I need to get hard, and it's not gonna happen with that belt behind me. I saw a thing online that was like, if you buy a new car, the dealership will put their, like, the name of the dealership on put a, they're like the name of the dealership on the license plate holder. Yeah.

Yeah. And you can get them to take it off. That doesn't have to be there. That's like integral to the car. Well, okay. But who cares? Unless I don't want people knowing that I bought it at like some canceled dealership from Kevin Spacey's GMC.

Yeah. Have you won a race? Go with Spacey. Yeah. This last one comes from Dan in Centerville, Virginia. Dad in his driveway shouts at his two boys, do not touch that door. Go wash your hands now. No one throws out a new toilet. It's true. There was one in the hallway of my building for at least a week.

They were doing revisions. I was like, well, this is a broken toilet. Why is it just sitting in the? Well, even a broken toilet is right twice a day. There was one in our alleyway for years. And the kids, every time we would go by the kids and say, hello, toilet. It just says, well, you're not paying attention hello girls Disappeared you like it went to a bathroom up. Yeah

It's taking the biggest blow like loads of dumps, and it's so happy Huge loads Yeah, it's taking huge loads. Huge loads of poop and pee and all sorts of stuff, like soup that people don't want. And you know what? Every time you flush, you're saying hi to him. Every time you flush, our toilet gets that furry cover that goes on the seat.

In addition to over-heards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypod one, like these people have. Hi, Dave Graham and plausible guest. This is Scott from Denver.

I was at the barber shop today and it's loud, but you kind of get some snippets of conversations. And I heard a guy talking to his barber and he said Grapefruit Yeah, I've tried lemons and limes But now there's great fruit Love the show That's another there's a whole other sour one

That's another there's a whole other sour one Do you ever hear about something and you think it's new and people like no that's been around oh my god any any like new discovered health food like they're like Acai berry and everything like yeah, it's been around for decades man like we all know it. I'm like oh Like yeah, I found that like on Top Chef or whatever they they would be cooking something I'd never heard of. And they're like, like your challenge is to make something with seafood and they all chose ceviche. And I'm like, I've never heard of ceviche. You all chose to make ceviche out of nothing?

Yeah, what's the thing that not Gordon Ramsay, but the other guy, Bobby Clay, he always uses the same uses some Sancho chilies or something. He puts them in everything that he makes. Oh, wow. But yeah, and show and show. Yeah, anchovies. Yeah, anchovies little fish.

Hello, Dave Graham and Possible Test. Test, test. This is Talaas from Dallas calling in with the overheard. I'm out at a bar right now. We've been fucking around with the jukebox for a little sec. We just played the national anthem of the USA and we're about to queue up God bless America and right behind us at the bar we just heard early I just over this is this fucking stupid wait fuck all he said was like who's queuing this shit but oh damn it Damn it. Oh well So when he said this fucking time so was he talking about his realization that is overheard wasn't good or was that the overheard I don't't know but they were playing their jukebox had God Bless America and the national anthem.

Wow. Oh man. I don't know that is good. They had every country's national anthem and every country's God Bless this country. Yeah. What's Canada's? God bless this Canada. Yeah. Sorry about that.

They used to play or the was her name Kate Smith used to sing the God bless America at Philadelphia Flyers games instead of the national anthem. Oh, which I've never heard of before. Yeah. Huh. What's the one that's and there's also America the Beautiful. America's got a lot of, Got a lot of tunes.

A lot of also rands in the, There's also the President Walk-In music. Yeah, Hail to the Chief. Yeah. Right. Damn, a lot of pomp over there. Yeah. As circumstances.

Okay, here's your final phone call of 2024. Hello, Graham, Dave and adorable Keir. Yeah. Okay, here's your final phone call of 2024. Hello Graham, Dave and adorable kids. This is Aaron calling from PEI, what's an overheard. I have a five-year-old that is discovering new fun words all the time. His latest is pussy. I think it's innocent enough probably from watching Tweety Bird cartoons or We have a cat now. So maybe he her pussy cat somewhere. Anyway, he's integrating it into everything and Recently I heard him singing in his room while playing

And it went a little something like this Pussy pussy pussy pussy all the way And yeah, that's his new tune. It's uh, it's what I sing every time I have sex that's how they know it's my sex anthem That's how they know it's my sex anthem. That's how they know it's about to drown. It's on the jukebox. They'll say all the way. I was, I didn't know that was a word for vagina until puberty. Until we were learning all the words for everything.

Yeah. But like it was purely cat until 12. Yeah. Yep. It's funny that kids watch Tweety Bird cartoons. I don't know this, she's in PEI. They're just getting kids watch Tweety Bird cartoons. I don't know. She's in PEI. They're just getting Looney Tunes.

Yeah. Including all the 1940s stuff. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. There was a whole... I remember we once got Happy Meals for the kids and they had like Sylvester and Bugs Bunny toys in them. And the kids were like, what are these?

And I was like, oh, you'll love it. I'll show it to you. It's so hard to find Looney Tunes stuff. Oh, really? On streaming or like you'd think they'd be on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

It's because I made a reference about the Bugs Bunny doing the maestro thing. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah, and somebody was just stared blankly When you say Bugs Bunny, do you mean Bradley Cooper? Yes. Well, that's what the reference I was making I was saying it's exactly like the Bugs Bunny They're like what Bugs Bunny thing is like, you know what? I'm just gonna go jump into traffic. All right Yeah, that that that's That's a cultural touchstone that's sad that younger generations, because that stuff's so classic and still very funny today. It's the same with my nieces and nephews started getting into like old Muppet show and I was like, that's great.

Then they'd love it and they're cracking up and even though it's like, Phyllis Diller and people that they definitely don so like just like people that they definitely don't know. Why did I didn't even know who that was. Gourvedal. Yeah, there's something that's gonna add to that. Forget. That's nice. It's nice that, uh, because you've,

you've shared things with your daughter that are from your youth. I've shared a lot of secrets with my kids. If they tell anyone I'm freaking screwed. That shared a lot of secrets with my kids. If they tell anyone, I'm frickin' screwed. That's a parent-kid confidentiality. Yeah, your honor. You can't be charged for the same crime when it's spoken between parents and children. Yeah.

Sir, I refer to anatomy of a fall. No spoilers. Can't wait. Well, thank you, Kevin, so much for being our guest. Oh, thank you so much for having me back and I'm glad we squashed that beef. Yeah, I'll see you again in three, four years. We'll see.

Yeah, well, we'll kick up some sort of fuss with each other, you know. I do love squashed beef. Watch out, it's got gluten in it. Shit! The squashings was making gluten. Exactly. They squash it with rice.

Yeah. Well, this is the last time we're gonna bring it up in these two weeks. It's MaxFun drive time. Yes. And we've told you all about the things you can get. We've told you all about what you mean to us. Yeah.

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