Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 852 - Colin Cowan

Episode Date: July 16, 2024

Comedian and musician Colin Cowan joins us to talk tour buses, the bourbon chase, and Newfoundland.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 852 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a guy who at the time of the release of this recording is knee deep in summer fun, Mr. Dave Schumke. I am, yeah, I'm knee deep in the hoopla.

Yeah. You're eating hot dogs. You're eating hamburgers. I'm drinking water, staying hydrated. Absolutely. I'm drinking water stay hydrated. Absolutely I'm sunscreening my putting on a hat to cover your face big big huge gardening hat on the way downstairs I Spilled a bunch of water on my brand new laptop Not brand new. It's like four four months old now. That's brand new. It's pretty brand new

And wait, you were telling a story a few weeks ago about your broken laptop. Yeah, I was the you never updated us. Oh Do you have fixed it broke? I brought it to the genius bar and I luckily I had Apple Care because if I didn't the repairs were gonna be a thousand dollars. Oh, but with Apple care 120 So everybody out there if you if you're new to Apple, get that AppleCare. It may seem like just a ripoff, but if you break your computer like I did, you're made in the shade, you know what I mean?

Speaking of shade, let's all wear big hats this summer and protect our faces. We don't have to wrinkle up. Wrinkle up? Doesn't the sun make you wrinkle up? Oh, sure, yeah, I guess so. I was thinking more like immediately, like water, like spending too much time in the bath.

The hat just unwrinkles everything. Yeah. Our guest today, first time guest of the podcast, he's oh so funny, he hosts a show every second and last Friday of the month. Second and fourth. Second and fourth, sorry, at the China Cloud. It's called Comedy World.

He also has a special and an album that just came out called Comedy Live to Tape. Called Live to Tape? It's Colin Cowan. Hey Colin. Hey guys, what's up? Yeah, energy. Energy.

This is, Graham, you're like, you know when they give people like mental tests Hey Colin! Hey guys, what's up? Yeah! Energy! Energy! This is, Graham, you're like, you know when they give people like, mental tests of like, okay, remember these numbers, and then, or like someone asks, asks you a riddle, and you remember the wrong detail. But you can write that, you're like a waiter that I don't trust. You'll be proud, you're gonna be pulling the Trump thing later on. I nailed the cognitive test. Person, plant, tiger, cat. It was none of those.

The Hamilton person plant. Anyway, nice to be here. Thanks for coming. It's my pleasure. This is lovely. Should we get to know us? Yeah, let's my pleasure. Yeah. This is lovely. Should we get to know us? Yes! Yeah, let's get to know us. Get to know us. Colin, you are so many things. Yeah.

You're a hyphenate. Mm-hmm. You're a producer. You're a musician. You're a comedian. You're a father. You're a whelp. Yeah, you're a redhead.

A redhead. Yeah, I'm a redhead. Style icon. Style icon? Yeah. Whoa, it's only because of the red hair offsets things you it When you've got the red hair it forces you to look at the clothes because you're like I don't know if he's happy about it or if he just doesn't want to hear about it

Yeah, Ron Weasley style icon Graham thinks every redheads the style I go yeah, Wendy's carrot top Man he's looking good. He's jacked. He looks like a snake. He's a Carrot Top. Carrot Top is a... Man, he's looking good. He's jacked. He looks like a snake. He's got eyeliner. He's wild. I don't know if he's still jacked. I saw that one picture of him.

He's medium jacked. Oh yeah. Did he lower his jacking? I've been trying to do that myself. It's hard, man. It's hard. If it's not November, it's hard to refrain. You think Carrot Top has ever had love in his life, my friend?

He is jacking his way up. Terrible. Terrible. I think, and that was the end of Colin Cowan being here. It's not that kind of show. Yeah, we're a pro Carrot Top finding love podcast. We're trying to get Carrot Top on the show and I've just ruined it. Now Colin, you have a comedy special.

Did you use the specialist for that? Did I what? Did you use the specialist? Yes, I used a specialist. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy special. Was that? Did you ever see the movie The Specialist? No. Yes. Okay. All right. With Sylvester Stallone? Yeah, there's the specialist. And he's the guy who produces comedy specials. What do you think that movie's about? The specialist? Yeah. Just about like a doctor did like a podiatrist or something like that.

I think he's like a bomb specialist. That's what I was going to say. He's definitely somebody who saves everybody's lives in New York. Yeah. He's a bomb specialist. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's what a lot of comedy specials need Yeah, what about a movie where there is a guy that potentially could save LA or New York?

But just decides not to and says I'm gonna move to the Midwest Yeah, I'm gonna be a hit man in Fargo Well you you've, I think your life is very fascinating. You've traveled, you're born all the way on the other side of the country. That's right, yeah, New Brunswick. Yep, yep. Riverview, New Brunswick, close to Moncton. That's right.

Okay. Yep, cod and incest. I'm going to get kicked off the show. What is, is there a lot of cod out there? Yes, David. I like that you winked as you said that the answer is yes to both. What, we had very many in sesquimini maritime-ers? Not really, because a lot of times if you're, I think from the maritime, you probably if you're doing comedy move to Toronto.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I made, I did that at one point. That's how I started. I started off in Toronto. I was in Second City and was doing stand up as a young boy. And where are you? You were touring around or you were working mostly in the city. I was mostly in the city. I would tour around around Ontario a little bit. Sure.

I was a lot of work in the city. I started doing a little bit of festival stuff, I guess, in the Maritimes. Sure. Any 18-year-old boy that still had connections in the East Coast, if you were in Toronto, you could go back and get gigs, because you were like, I'm a Toronto comedian now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like when somebody comes to town and they say, from Los Angeles. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So-and-so. Yeah, like in two weeks, I think, there was like a article about me in that Riverview magazine, which is a small magazine in Riverview.

And it was filled with completely inaccurate information about my life. I love it. Yeah, nobody asked me anything. They were like, your comedy special is called what? Comedy Live to Take? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes people write us about like, hey, what should we do in Vancouver? We got someone wrote us saying we're going to the soccer game. What's a good hotel near the stadium? There is actually a good one that looks right out on the stadium.

I'm trying to remember where it is. It's Tim Gray. After doing the 24-hour Oh, yeah, I think I got him a hotel room cuz I like I don't want you're too crazy. Just sleep on my couch Yeah, it's like a beautiful Place is that if people are going to the Maritimes, yeah, what are the top five things? They got to check out check out in the Maritimes. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you've asked Dave because I didn't go for so long I thought the Maritimes were boring, but it's not here's five amazing things to check out on the Maritimes

Okay, does it sound like a segment on YouTube? You got to check out Lobster in the Bay of Fundy. That's two things in one Yeah, exactly the Bay of Fundy is the one that has a huge tide. Is that Bay of Fundy? Yeah, it's got a huge tide. You can go down a beach on the Bay of Fundy. So let's give one of these two some detail. That's right.

And then if you time it wrong, you can get stuck on the beach until nighttime, basically. Shit. Yeah. Shit. Is that where they shoot? Shit. I think they shoot that sandcastle. Yeah. Canada Sandcastle. Yeah, Canada Sandcastle.

Yeah. What show is that? There's a Sandcastle championship. They're like a... I don't know the show. CBC? I think it's hosted by Maestro Fresh West. Yeah, he's got a lot of...

I don't think anybody named Math... Well, sorry, Michael... What's his name? Michael Math. You didn't need to say I think. You didn't need to say I think. didn't need to say I think you know That's his name maestro fresh west maestro fresh west is very funny to somebody who's never heard that before okay? well, especially in the context context of hosting a

Sandcastle based show Well, he's a famous Canadian rapper you don't know maestro fresh west I'm so sorry maestro if you're listening. I don't know let your backbone slide. Oh of course Yeah, yeah, he was he got a lifetime achievement award at the Junos this year Yeah, wow that I wore a black tuxedo a black tuxedo a black black black tuxedo a black tuxedo with a cummerbund Is I think it probably yeah, can I ask you something? Just cuz I don't know this person. And if you know this person,

you'll find the question funny, I'm sure. Or I'll get kicked off the podcast. Is he white? No. Okay. I was just going on that sample. I'm sorry. No, when I quote him, he sounds quite white.

Okay. So the Bay of Fundy, it's where Race Against the Tide is on. Yeah, Race Against the Tide. Race Against the Tide. I think that might be the name of the show. It is now. It is now.

Race Against the Tide, you gotta have Lobster in the Bay of Fundy. You gotta have Lobster in Buckdouche. What's Buckdouche? Buckdouche is a little beach town that nobody talks about. How come? Well, there was always... Is it in New Brunswick as well? It's in New Brunswick. Yeah, it's a little beach town that nobody talks about how come well, but there was a new Brunswick as well It's in New Brunswick. Okay, a little French town historic French town You can get some great food there great you get a little sense of culture as far as the Akkadian culture there

But there's it's a big long beautiful beach people started going a lot more the last few years because the beach they usually went to was Parley Beach, but they found out there was a big septic tank that was basically made from an old car Below a very prominent property Some family that maybe some that it may be bottom a bunch of shit back in the day They created a bad septic tank that just was an old car it leaked it ruined the beach for years Is there was human feces everywhere. So everyone was like, is there also another one? And everyone was like, it was bucktooth.

It's always chill. And everybody went. It's big, long, beautiful boardwalk. Great food, great food. And get this fresh ocean water. You got to get a lobster. Oh, yes. Fresh lobster. You got to drive the lobster. Yeah. Septic free.

What is it growing up there? What was your lobster intake in a week? Mine was zero. I I was your lobster intake in a week mine was? Zero I I was afraid of lobster as a child. Oh, yeah, which is fine Like when you're a kid and you see like a lobster tank. Yeah, cuz they're not red. No, they're like brown It's body and they're like you're cute in a way if you like looking at ocean stories. Yeah, you know I was a I like looking at ocean stories. You know, I, what was it? Little Mermaid came out. I couldn't remember the name of Little Mermaid

because I'm an old man now and I don't remember fun. Little Mermaid came out, Sebastian I loved. So yeah, I'm looking at the lobster. Another redhead style icon. Totally. Isn't Sebastian a crab? I was gonna say, I'm pretty sure he's a crab. But I didn't know what a crab was in New Brunswick, Graham. We don We don't have that's what I was just gonna ask. Are there crabs out that way?

I never saw any like dungeness or large crab until I came to the West Coast in California when I'm there and then BC I know like Baltimore has like big crab. Yeah, sit your way culture. I've culture crab culture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah crab culture What was the was there a big crab apple? I believe they call it Grab culture. Grab culture, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Grab culture. What was the, was there a- The big crab apple, I believe they call it. New York sister city. Was there a car manufacturer in New Brunswick? Was there, did they make like a-

I think you're thinking French fries. McCain. McCain. Yes. No, there was like a, like a DeLorean looking gull-wing Canadian car. Really? Yes. Gosh Dave. You're a plethora I don't know if it's from New Brunswick. Okay Anyway, so you got you can't help me there if they did I fear it would it was a failure and it's what became

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I remember there being a story about a guy. It was called Bricklin. Bricklin is the name of the car? Car or company? Yeah, I gotta learn more Remember there being a story about a guy it was called bricklin bricklin is the name of the car car company Yeah, and I gotta learn more 1986 bricklin be off are four of the five things. I've told you you need to learn about New Brunswick I've been lobster and David just has a million Malcolm brick the bricklin sv1 a two-seat sports car Wow American businessman in st. John, New Brunswick. Damn, what year, 60s? 74 to 76.

It looks like a closed toe sandal. Oh my God, it is exactly a closed toe sandal. Like from the front, it's a closed toe sandal. It's the jellies. It kinda looks like a jelly. Oh, it's so funny. No, you know what it looks like? It looks like a dust buster. It looks like, yeah you know what it looks like it looks like a dust buster

It looks yeah, that is that red one is exactly a dust buster. That's cool Wow Wow Yeah, the bricklin DB one just muster. Do you know the car that the logo is like two? Angles kind of pointing at each other like like it looks like not a triangle, but two opposite ends of a box There's I've seen it around the neighborhood. I have no idea. Oh Is it like an electric car? Yeah? Oh, man. There's I've seen it around the neighborhood. I have no idea what it is. Is it like an electric car? Yeah. Oh, man, I think I've seen it, too. Yeah. Oh, the box. But you're not talking about the Tesla like

3D truck, the super to super truck is not. No, no, no, no. Oh, no. That's all we'll be talking about if we had a super. Yeah. Oh, is it the VIN fast? In fast? No. I've seen a Vfast around here. Oh the Polestar? Yeah Polestar. Yeah. Yeah Polestar. Oh Polestar. I believe that's owned by Volvo. Anyways, we're going to the phones here on AutoChat. Yeah, call in with your electric car problems. I don't know anything about cars. I know nothing.

No, me neither. Like what? Could you- It is cool that like all electric cars, you can tell that they're electric by the way they look. Yeah. They all just have kind of like a quasi futuristic. And all their owners have a vibe. Beautiful, definitely.

Yeah. Now, how, like you're saying not a car guy, me neither, neither Dave. What is the one thing, is there anything that you could fix on a car? If you had to. Yeah, well, that's funny, Graham. What is the one thing, is there anything that you could fix on a car? If you had to. Yeah, well that's funny, Graham. COVID turned me into somebody who tried things that weren't involved with artistic practice.

Okay. It was the first time. So I actually could, I can definitely replace fuels. Okay, that's to be laughed at. But I think I could actually do an oil change now. You? Because I did one on I grew up on the back of a 1979 Honda CB650 motorcycle. Okay, that sounds cool.

Yeah, it does. From a guy who just says he doesn't know anything about cars. Yeah. But that's as good as I get. My dad wanted to get rid of it. Over COVID, I said, I want to ship it out and see if I can fix it up. Oh, shit. And I did and I luckily have friends who are very smart at this and I fixed it up.

I did my first oil change in 2021 and now I think I could do it on a car that's not an electric car. Yeah. My problem with oil changes is you need to drain out the old oil and do you need to like lift up the car for that? Yeah. Mostly what you do is you slide under the car, you don't have a thing to catch the oil and that calls into your face and you're like, oh boy, speedy lube or whatever would make

a quick work of this. That's it. That's it. And that's probably exactly what would happen, Graham. But I feel like it at least... Like changing oil on a motorcycle is different, you don't have to get under. And it's all open, that's it.

It's just made me confident that, oh yeah, everything really is, as they say, nuts and bolts. Yeah, thank you. So, you know, now, like I went from like never being able to fix a toilet. I've got China Cloud Studios, the cool comedy hub. Yeah, tell everybody about China Cloud. Accidentally, yeah, China Cloud Studios. No, no, no. Start with the toilets. Yeah, yeah, first you fix the toilet. I never knew how to fix the toilet because I'm an artsy boy. Like, you know, a lot of folks, I didn't know how to had a space that we were just making, creating music and comedy

out of in the back. The lease came up. A friend of mine who's far more confident than me was said, who was visiting from out of town said, Colin, you should sign it. And the landlord was right there. The landlord just came, lease, anyone want to sign a lease? Yeah, that's it. It was basically that.

He liked us because I'm a bit of a charmer, so I don't mean to be, but it's just culturally, I'm a charmer. I don't mean to be. It's not an intention, it's organic charm. Culturally. I attempt to repel and I always end up with a lease of a building. OK. Congratulations, by the way.

The poorest artist you could imagine, zero ability to fathom signing the lease and covering rents per month yeah but did it because I was like well people already come here and we're starting to do stuff we started doing parties and music shows and comedic elements and like you know maybe this is the chance I came out of the world of Second City I could never believe that they started doing like improv Olympic above some Chinese restaurant in Chicago right and here I am in the middle of Vancouver in Chinatown I'm like well we're above a

little Chinese shop the owner's amazing he likes it we started calling it China Cloud family's originally from China so he was they really liked that it was like a local place yeah in the middle of Vancouver gonna do lots of art kind of from around the city. He liked the potential, and so I signed the lease. I sold him with this idea. And I did make sure motor, I'll put in toilets. I'll put in toilets.

And then there you go. A couple of months later, the first toilet problem comes. I gotta fix the toilet. I have no idea what I'm doing. That's usually a landlord thing. Well, you would think, Dave, but unfortunately, I have learned that when you sign the lease to a building, you basically are becoming a business owner, and then you have to do stuff too.

Right. So it's different than like if you're renting a residential place. You're like, I've rented this commercial space and any advancements I want to do, you kind of have to do it. That being said, he's been very helpful and will do lots. Sure. He actually is. Any advancements I want to do like fix the toilet. Well, fix the toilet. Well now here's the thing. Now what was the problem with the toilet?

Yeah, what happened? It was clogged. We had too many people in the building because we did a party and I was 24 years old. Too many people doing too many shits. Doing too many shits. You were 24 and you had a lease sign on a building? Yeah. What the hell? I know. That's amazing. I didn't it was it did not feel amazing at the time. Well, it kind of the when we were doing stuff and You know it felt kind of amazing on those ties But there was so many times that I was starting to tour I was starting to get jobs as comedian and musician and actor and I was like being allowed to tour as a band like You know in these bands that I liked and I had this building

Where if anything happened, I would be getting a call somewhere and being like, you know, I clogged the toilet again. I clogged the toilet again. Rent would be so hard. The place was going in debt. So I was like, kinda like pay for it myself at points. And the long story short is that no regrets. Absolutely amazing that it still exists 15 years later.

It's a place where I love to go. I can show up as a host of my comedy show there. And I just feel like the staff has all their voice in it. It's a full group project now. I can show up and be like, this is a cool venue. But if the toilets go down, I gotta fix that. If something goes down with the vent, I gotta go up in the crawl space and figure it out like I am still

perpetually the forever rat boy Yeah, and it's I like that when I first went there you didn't there's no sandwich board out front There was just a little sticker of a cloud on one of the doors. Mm-hmm That's right. You had to know exactly what you were looking for to get in there It was that felt like you know really undercover. You're right, Graeme. Cool stuff. Yeah, we have a sandwich board now for only like four years. I forget how small our innovations have been.

We're now like, we've made it from the door to the street. Graeme, do you think you could fix a car? No. Well, no, if I had a YouTube video and just endless time. Well, here's the thing is I take- That was COVID, that's how I learned. Yeah, smart. I learned nothing on COVID.

I take my car to the dealership for servicing. Oh yeah. And they used to be so good. And like, they would tell you exactly, oh, next time you're due for your big service, it'll cost this much, we'll do this, this and this. And now they're like, next time you have service B. I'm like, what's service B?

You'll see. I used to book it online and now there's no details. So I called them up to get more details that they can't give me any. And they're like, it'll cost $200. But unless we find something. Yeah, that's it, that's it. And so they called me last time and they're like, okay,

you need this, you need a wheel alignment You know what that is. You need a you like a coolant. We need to change the coolant Or like replace the vent. There's like And then they were like and then the air filter air filter. Yeah, that's a hard one And then I was like, okay, the guy texted me and I was like, okay, I have 10 minutes to decide what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To okay this and I was like, okay, I can't do a wheel alignment.

I know I can't do a wheel alignment. Air filter you could do. But then I googled whatever the coolant. It was a thing where you need to lift up the car and drain out the old one. Yeah, yeah. But the air filter, I was like, oh, maybe I can do this. And it saved me $200.

And I went to Canadian Tire, bought those air filters and they are, you know, in my car, in the passenger seat. I'm waiting to do it. I have full respect, Dave, because like I say, the only reason I confidently open up a hood, even if I'm just putting in new steering wheel fluid because I Refused to confront the air filters in my 99 Honda Civic I

Only I do it with confidence now because people on my block have seen me with a motorcycle I know I used to be embarrassed to open my hood up anywhere Yeah, I was gonna make a mistake and some like Tony Danza is gonna come by big Hey, you know what you got why don't you put down the wrench there, loser. I'll fix your car for you. Like my wife thinks I'm- she knows who I am. She doesn't care.

She knows that the wind blows my limbs. But yeah, now I feel confident, at least at opening it up and putting steering wheel fluid and going, I could probably change the oil in this because I did that, the motor cycle. Yeah, well, I looked at the YouTube videos were on how to change the air filter. One of them, there's two air filters.

One, it takes five seconds. You just need to work up the courage. And the other one, like the first one you do, lifting up the hood. The second one, just pull something out of the glove compartment. There's like a little slot in the glove compartment. I love how this comedy podcast has quickly turned into two guys who know nothing about cars. And grandpas.

Me too. I don't know nothing about cars. And grandpas. Yeah, me too. I don't know nothing. Well, you admitted it. The two of us have almost started to think that one another knows something. You know what I don't know? I don't know how an electric car works. Like, yeah. They don't have the oil.

Are you allowed to fix them yourself? Everything's you plug it in. This is only from a friend of a friend. Yeah. You plug it into a computer. It does all the diagnostics there's no oil in it or anything because it's there's no gears and pistons and all that kind of shit and And then they it's like yeah, it's pretty clean and easy as far as because it would in the old days

You have to be like yeah this Totally you can figure out the problem slowly. I told you I've used analog. I record with tape sometimes I can open up an old tape machine then and figure it out. It's always like a filter or a fuse Yeah, something like I ever use any of that compressed air. Yeah compressed air. That's right this I get so many different liquids you ever see you ever see the Addict that show by the woman is addicted to compressed air No You ever see that show about a woman who's addicted to compressed hair? No. No?

It was intervention? It was intervention. Intervention. Yeah. Oh my God, that show. Oh my God. And she's just inhaling it. Oh.

There was a clip of, I think it might have been the Maury Povett show where a woman said she was afraid of olives. And then he's like, bring it out! And there's just this giant afraid of olives and then He's like bring it out. This is giant My big fat Greek wedding, oh my god, oh my god Joy for tone in a big jar Yeah, so you your musician as well as comedian. Yeah Yeah, so you Your musician as well as comedian. Yeah

What what type of what's your meal you what you work in? I used to play in a bunch of bands I used to play honestly, I think I quit about 40 or 50 bands Whoa only for myself not that I didn't love everybody obviously they weren't all active at once But I played with a lot of folks. I started touring With a band called analog Bell Service that Chris Kelly and I had started. I was touring with Dan Mangan when he was first taken off. Good friend of mine, but was never meant to be in the band. We did everything for two years. Sure. There's hundreds of things. And I eventually joined like Lightning Dust, not in any more

only because I was playing in too many bands. It's usually my story for leaving bands is I played in too many bands. Played in Black Mountain. I left that band because I played in too many bands. Played in Black Mountain, I left that band because I played in too many bands. Um, I've got a project called Elastic Stars I still put music on. I made like an original theme for my comedy special. That was fun, hybrid. And I still play in the band Destroyer. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Vancouver Locals, Dan Behar's band. And then once in a while I collaborate. My playing's something I hadn't played for years. There's this, it's called Proliferation. And it's a Taiwanese collaborative, yeah, I guess cross collaborative band sonically, where this woman, Lan Tung, who lives in Vancouver since the early early nineties big cultural staple in the taiwanese art scene i'm one of her hot shot local gringos that comes out and gets experimental i play bass is actually a trumpet player from

destroyer j p carter plays in it and this drummer, Kevin Romaine, the three gringos join in with all these virtuosic Taiwanese virtu- like instrumentalists. She plays the erhu and the erhu grime. There's an instrument called the zang. It's an erhu zang. I could fix a zang if I had a YouTube. I could totally fix a zang. I'm so painfully honest, I only knew the word zang as a funny thing that Wayne did in Wayne's world.

When you learn he can speak Chinese, he's talking to Cassandra's dad. And at the end he says, okay Wayne, you can marry my daughter. And he goes zang. And then I found out it's an instrument. Z, they had H E N G you learn something. Yeah so anyway, that's it that's the crazy thing guys is I've always been a comedian, but I Accidentally became this musician. I always man a bass man in some ways and I get I've always said that music accidentally became my McDonald's job Because every comedic or acting entertainer needs a job at a restaurant or whatever. I got pulled into this cool side job where I do it.

I love music, I make it all the time. And as a result, it's just something I do instead of being on a phone or whatever or reading a book. I'm like, I'll go into my weird analog studio and make some music. And then luckily, I always say I'll go into my weird analog studio and make some music and then luckily I always say I have zero fans but you musicians and cool bands like me they find out about it and that's how I end up in their band. I have only fans. You have an only fan? What goes on there? I just put stuff up.

Anyway I'm playing this Taiwanese band and you, Colin and I once collaborated on a song. You did? Yeah, we did. Oh, God, that's right. There was a commercial that they were making with Chris Kelly for the video game Plants Versus Zombies. Oh, yes. Yeah.

And they needed a song and we wrote a... With lyrics? Yeah. Yeah, with lyrics, it got greenlit. It became the theatrical trailer for Plants vs. Zombies. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I remember Plants vs. Zombies. They still around? Yeah.

I don't know if it is. I know that that was like supposed to be a big hit. It was like the number one video game. I remember. Was it a Facebook game at first? Was it? I thought it was just like an on your phone. Yeah, or like, yeah. Oh yeah, maybe it was a Facebook thing. What was, was Farmville a thing on Facebook?

Farmville was a thing. Farmville, yeah. Where people would get, you'd just get messages from people on Facebook who'd be like, I need a few sheaves of whatever. Oh my God, I think. A few sheaves. That was asksheave.com.

Yeah. That was. Askshecom. That's right, yeah. You can ask Jeeves anything, even that. But yeah, so do you, you were in all these bands, you went touring with so many bands? Oh, I toured all over the world, Graham. Where's the... So many places. So many places. A lot of different places.

So many good places, some bad. Sorry. I don't good not appropriate Look at these different places around the world. They're terrible Where cuz like I know when you want to you're usually only in the place for like the day of the show Maybe a day before is there any place that you went to you're like I gotta get back there I gotta get back there and explore it properly Not a one No, I there may be places actually one that I've never returned to, I only went once. Destroyer specifically, I love touring at Destroyer still.

Everybody in that band is a sweetheart, they're all funny. None of them seem like that way. If you saw them, you'd be like, none of them are funny. They're all hilarious, every single one of them. And we end up in cool places. We always call it the Yacht on Wheels Tour. Okay. Just because it's rough.

We are on a tour bus because it's a large band. You kind of have to do it that way. There's a lot of members. You have bunks? There's bunks. You're sleeping, yeah, exactly. How many bunks fit on a tour bus? Well, good question.

It depends on the layout of the tour bus. Yeah. In Europe, yeah, so okay, let's go Europe first. In Europe, it's a two layer. So we got a lounge at the bottom and then at the top, there's double deckers. So it's all like two. Right.

So there's like a full bunk zone. But how many people in the band? In the band, there's usually anywhere between seven and eight. And a tour manager. And then a couple of crew members, tour manager. Bunks for all? Bunks for all, my friend. Wow, wow.

Luckily we all love each other and all we do is cry, laugh all the time. That's nice. Oh my gosh, yeah. I mean, someone turns, you know, it's an old. No, I hear these guys are kind of funny. They don't seem that way though. A lot of these Destroyer members.

That's what I'm saying. You look at them, exactly. You look at their face. Yeah. None of, they all seem like bricks Hmm, they're all fun and the songs are funny He is a very funny writer actually, um, yeah the I I've had friends that have been on like Comedy tours that have been on a bus. Yeah, and there's the cardinal rule is no number two. That's right That is that is a cardinal rule. Okay, unless you're gonna Blow yeah. Yeah, but that's it cardinal rule is no number two. That's right. That is that is a cardinal rule. Okay, unless you're gonna

Blow yeah. Yeah, but that's it cardinal rule. You'd go and ask the driver to pull over That's why the driver you have to really that conversation has to be had like who's the driver now? Luckily we get well usually the guy behind the wheel But I just mean that like leading up to the tour, you're like, who's gonna be the driver if you've done enough of them. Right. It makes such a difference because you gotta have a comfortable relationship.

Luckily, we have wonderful drivers besides one trip. There's not enough time to tell about that was an absolute. Give us a highlight of the shit show tour. Okay, I'll give you an example. We get this guy usually named Gerben in Europe. He's amazing. He drives a double Decker tour bus and he is six foot six. So you have the tallest vehicle in the world pulling up on the tiniest European street with the tallest man in the world coming out. It's just a sight. Gerben. Gerben. Yeah. he pulls miraculous moves in these tiny, thin, little one way.

Like I watch people's eyes widen as he pulls off these parking miracles in these tiny little European streets. People can do that. I'm very jealous of that. It is. It's amazing. The amount of times I thought we are taking out that 2000 year old building, but he just clears it. Yeah. I remember when the house next door was being knocked down and the guy with the like excavator just like pinching little bits of Siding off the outside of it Just with this giant machine It just and that extra inch you're like is the building gonna come down because it's already happening. So he's amazing

He's a dreamer. He's just as chill as it gets I'm always like German. I look up to him him and I go get breakfast a lot He's a lot of drivers. They disappear. I get it. They drive all night. They gotta go get a rest He is a Dutch an old Dutchman. He's at the end of a long drive He goes wherever getting breakfast who wants a beer and we go and we have a beer and like a full breakfast Where are we getting breakfast? I don't know. I'm not from here, Gurman. Exactly. And he does know. He's toured buses for 30 years all over Europe. He's amazing, whatever. We look hilarious when we walk down the street together.

We had a driver in America, flashback to America, 2022, the world is coming back together. Destroyers going out for the first tour. We usually have the same driver on every tour. We get replay, the driver can't make it because there's tons of demand. All the mans are suddenly going out. Yeah. It's 2022, everyone's looking at the clock going, is it really happening? Are we having a summer?

Are these comedy and music tours happening? Driver can't make it. Usually it's the owner of the entire bus fleet. He likes doing our tours We have a gas together originally from New Brunswick He sends out this new guy cool young guy we do our first show we open up at the vogue and Killer concert it's gonna be a great tour the band is feeling hot. Yeah 25% of them might be in their 50s, but it does not feel geriatric So we get we're leaving the vogue. We're coming out of the alleyway. This is Vancouver. This is a like a four-lane Four lane alleyway

To off eight lane Street. This is not Europe. Okay. This is not a double-decker tour bus. This guy comes out, he does his first turn, pulls down a street sign. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We're used to Like the bus is jerking everyone's on the bus like we're going to Seattle Then it's just clunk a punk talk a plunk takes out a sign blocks traffic for two hours we're stuck in the middle of Nelson and like Whatever and Seymour downtown Vancouver alleyway. We have not gotten out of the alleyway of the boat two hours no exaggeration We Seattle is close as a first destination. We're like we might not make it to the concert tomorrow

This is night one Anyway, they're playing it. Well. They're playing it cool. We're trying to play cool our tour manager Alicia. She's the nicest most She's such like an assertive, wonderful human being, but she's so lovely and patient. And I could just see this look in her eye. She's got big, beautiful eyes. One was getting smaller. I was like, she's stressed. Whatever. A couple of days go by, more of those antics leaving the concert. You made it to Seattle. Made it to Seattle. What was the issue in the alleyway? Was it like...

He couldn't make the turn. But like, he couldn't make the turn. How do you eventually get out of it? Do you just back up and go forward? You've seen Austin Powers? Yeah. I believe it's the spy who shagged me. I think it might have been the same. That's it.

The steamroller, I think. He's trying to do the 5000 point turn. It was one of those. Okay. Two hours worth of shimmying on a large tour bus Wow goes on for a few days a couple Eventually we're leaving Nashville. We're about a week and a half in this is we're High the the best of times the worst of times the story always has a good time

We're having a love we're laughing about it being like, the hell's going on with his driver? Is he okay? Uh, everybody- but he's nice and he's still being good humor, we're like, alright, a couple of weird nights. That's my nightmares. I'm the driver. Well, he's nice, though. Couple of weird nights. St. Louis, we go- this is like five days in.

Gets fully stuck between an alleyway We're supposed to load in the back part of the trailer a cop comes another cop comes Everyone's just like trying to tell this person he he's stressed now. He's done. Yeah, we can't get out Okay, so we end up in Nashville All this is happening the car is looking like it's been through like eight years of hell It looks like it's been hit by a meteor this chunks off of this tour bus and that's where there's dents in the trailer They mean the plant things started pristine or like are we gonna survive this tour still having a good time whatever? We keep our bicycles in the trailer, so we're like when whenever there's like a mishap. I'm like I'm gonna take the bike

Yeah, I'll meet you in Nashville. I'm having fun. You know what I mean? I'm a basically a 40 year old man, and I'm not gonna sit here stressing Yeah, and like you know the cop in st. Louis was like take a hike. You don't need to stick here I wouldn't this guy is stressing you're gonna want to give him some space He was like trying to be nice to him. Yeah, like I was like I think your driver might be a little stressed out I was like you're telling me Nashville end of the story. I know it's a long one. No, this is a great We're leaving now. We're out of time

Looks like I'll be back in like six months. We'll finish the story Go go go go. We're pulling out of Nashville middle of the night night, okay? Sometimes there's not a long drive the next day. So you go to sleep, it's two or three in the morning, then you take off. Everybody just falls asleep on the bus. It's not an immediate departure, right? It's three or four in the morning, the bus is pulling out. The shake, the shake, the shake,

the one we're getting used to. Everyone's just used to it now. Every night, the conversation has been developing now during the day We're like rough one last night Yeah Yeah, it feels good to be off that bus big time and we all love bus usually we usually bus is the best We love bus. It's like we watch movies in it. We watch face-off. I want black We watch Face Off, we watch Black Rain, we watch... Nice, nice!

You watch The Specialist. We watch The Specialist. So you're like, you're always giggling and laughing on the bus. Always. When the driver is having a hard time, is everyone like, shut up, shut up? Yes. And then the humor had been sucked out of this story. We were not giggling on the bus because we started seeing he was stressed.

The beginning of the week we were like, this guy is fun, he's young, he's having a good time. End of the week he won't make eye contact with us. And we got three and a half more weeks to go. So we're going all America. We do like 29 shows in 32 days. So we are, it's like, yeah, that's right. What do they say? A gig not played is a night not paid. Is that what it is? I don't know. I hate that shit. Why? It's good. If it's time to leave, there's time to clean. I'm just saying that's like old label talk. You know what I mean?

Like if someone's like, I never complained about being tired. You can see everybody thinks I'm on cocaine. I'm not tired, but normal people get tired. So some people are like, can we have more days off? You know what I mean? Pulling out of Nashville, Tangent City. Pulling out of Nashville and City pull it out of Nashville and It's jerking. It's her key in it, but nobody's gonna say it. Everyone's just like just go to sleep. See if we can you know

There's a big smash within one and a half minutes of pulling out of this parking lot. We've been playing Smash real Tennessee that was the nice destination we come out This is we pulled out of this parking lot with a bunch of different drivers for years. We know this place So there's this has never happened all the electricity blips on and then immediately off And there's a sound of the unlike vent system just goes Like a full power shut down no the bus is moving of the bus of the bus, the city. Took out Nashville's full electric box. And from this day forth, we shall be called Smashville.

We pull out. There's just a dead silence in the bus. I hear a couple of like because usually there's a big loud fan. You can't hear the farts, but now I just hear like the, coming from distant bunks. Yeah. And this is the American bus, we're a triple stacker.

Oh wow, okay. Triple stacker, okay. Full human shelving unit on wheels. There's moans, there's hums, and there's only one person that's gonna confront this head on with personality and accidental charm and that's me. Oh, yeah.

So it's 4, 4.30 in the morning. We're driving. I come out to the lounge. No lights. There's usually like a dim light. It's just everything's dark. It is silent. Yeah.

There's quiet moans happening back and forth of the bus. I, Alicia's there, hand on her forehead. She knows how to solve every problem in the world. She's woman is a miracle worker. She's at her wit's end. I go, Alicia, what happened? And she goes, I don't effing know. And I was like, do you want me to talk to him? And she goes, I don't know. talk to him and she goes I don't know she does not talk like this she says yes no I've got this and amazing solution she is a broken man so we pull up to the gas station I get off the bus I come up to him let's call him Jason because I'm not gonna give away his identity I come up to him and I go I'm looking at him doing one of these I come off the bus. He's feeling he's just stressed

You know he hasn't talked to anybody for days. I come around I just go How's it going? Are you okay? He goes what yeah, I go What the f happened? He goes, oh God, I can't do this. I can't do this. I go can't do what? He goes drive this bus We know Okay, but you have to we're in the middle of nowhere like we have nowhere to go We have a lot more dates to do I go. Why can't you drive this bus? He goes I never drove a bus before in my life

Is every driver we've ever had has done it for minimum 20 to 25 years This is a tour bus with a trailer and I go, how did you get this job? He said he was short on labor, I answered the call, I showed up, he let me drive the bus around the city for three days with him by me, no trailer, and then I came and picked you guys up. I was like, oh my god. And I was like, you need to quit. You are bad at this. And he did. But I said, you need to go and explain this to Alicia. You have broken this person.

She is destroyed. One of the most strongest American people in the music industry. Wow. She is a miracle. She is broken. I was like you need to go explain Apologize he goes. I'm afraid of her I said well, you're gonna have to do it cuz we're all afraid of you. Yeah, and so I said nobody's mad at you, but We've had a good talk here. Promise. I was like, you know, we need you know, we need, you need, you need to like quit. And he got fired the next day.

What happens then? Do you get a new bus? So we thought the rest of the tour was going to be cancelled. And we were in North Carolina at that point. Not sure, no, we were in Atlantic City. We had to play this festival. No, no We had to play this festival in Atlanta, Georgia. Sorry American cities. They're so similar right now. I know sometimes Big festival show is a great show. Nobody had any sleep, but we was just giggled town

We're like we didn't die last night We all thought we were that shaking the electricity that and then them hearing like everybody else obviously in the bus being outside the bus going like boom You know from the inside you can hear stuff from the outside Yeah, you're in a human shelving unit, and then you know vehicle armor on the other side that thick so everyone's just like the hell happened I'm telling everybody whatever We don't know if we're gonna make it we rent to beat up vans from a last-minute car rental place

This is when they were taught this was in the red the labor shortage was yeah was talking about that in America This is that exact time period so it's hard to do anything We're like how can you run wants to be a van anymore. Yeah, what the hell? That's it. That's it So we rent two beater vans. We make it to North Carolina. We skip one gig and we decide if we're gonna be able to do the rest of this tour or if we have to cancel it and maybe go home, maybe catch the West Coast where we have like a bunch of sold-out shows there. Might have to go like after New York. We might be screwed. Trying to find bus. Everybody has all these connections. Everyone's been doing this for years these are not young people

mm-hmm yeah so everybody's like reaching around at all potential resources Alicia's toured with everybody she's like all these large artists and so anyway see large artists yeah no. I don't know. So, anyway, long story short, we're like, oh well, we won't have a bus. So this will be our last show, we're gonna fly out west. Last minute, who comes to our saving-

who saves our butts? Who is it? I have an idea. It is Celine Dion! That was not what I thought! I thought it was your European bus driver. I thought it was your European bus driver. I thought it was going to be the guy who owned the company. Graham, we- a good thank you for asking. We did try to get Gerben. He was on like a Taylor Swift tour. Because he'll be like- when there's multiple, not just one bus filled with pathetic losers, but like, you know, 2000 buses.

He's like, Gerben's one of them, you know. Okay. You ought to be trusting Gerben. Yeah, exactly. Garabin is, he's number one. But he will not do Taylor Swift if Destroyer's coming. He's like, oh, I'll do the Destroyer one because they're like family.

Anyway, enough about Garabin. He would have been amazing on that tour. The amount of times Garabin's name came up, actually, Graeme, we were like, imagine if we could get Garabin. He would have gotten in here, no problem. We wanted him so bad. We were just in such good spirits. The band wasn't great. We'd been through it. We were just like, whatever. The world's opened up again. We're doing, we're playing music to crowds.

We've sold out shows. Anything can happen. Whatever we have to cancel, who cares, you know. We got our health. We got shows we can still do. Last minute, Celine Dion. She has a bus fleet. She. Yeah, believe it. She reached down. She got this bus driver and a bus for us.

They keep them, I guess, somewhere outside of Austin. It was now this is something that will go right to Celine. Yeah, she reached down. You know, you were like, oh, well, I'll call Celine. It was our business manager, Jen Barker. She's amazing She reached out and found Celine Dion and I think it was one that Katie Lang was supposed to do her tour And then it was like one of her buses, and then she got delayed or something. We just got this window

Yeah, and they got us the bus And we walked on and it was this young guy again That's driver was we got a very eccentric driver. And there's not enough time to talk about it. But he was white and his nickname was Gandhi. He gave himself a nickname. Was that was he bald? He was not. Was he bald? Was he bald?

Was he a pacifist? I'm not even going to explain what he was because by the time a couple of weeks in when I was the one who braved the question because everyone was like, why is he called Gandhi? I asked him I was like, why are you called Gandhi? And he told me

it's because when he came back from fighting in Gandhi and he told me it's because When he came back from fighting in Vietnam He was not during the war he was just a kickboxer He was he was skinny Okay Nicknames it just hangs around. He's from Texas, you know. We were all like, eww.

When we got here, it's not, anyway, he saved our lives. He was an excellent person. We didn't have the trailer. We had to get rid of our bicycles. But we were, we were just, it was a very funny tour and we didn't die. But yeah, it's a, coming back to you need to make sure you know who's driving that bus. Yeah, it's the one thing that gets you to a place.

People hear you're on a tour bus, they think glitz and glamour. I got news for you. It's bagel crumbs. Bagel. It's bagel crumbs. And a lot of geriatric musicians sleeping on human shelving units. It's begging to get off and go to the bathroom on the side of the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or can we stop for ice cream? Can we stop for ice cream? Yeah. The famous legendary country singer from Canada, Stompin' Tom Connors, he would do a show and then he would drive the bus. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. He like, and they had a bus driver, but often he would do a show and then he would drive the bus. What? Yeah. No. Yeah He like and they had a bus driver, but often he would just be get out and what was my god?

I'm not surprised because he brought I think he used to drive long hauls or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well, just yeah, I'm driving Margot's got the cargo and Reggie's got the rig. That's right. But this obviously legend where the run by the way Legend where I'm from who? Of course from PEI or New Brunswick PEI Seriously, legend where I'm from, by the way. Legend where I'm from. Who? Sombatops. Oh, of course. Is he from PEI or New Brunswick? PEI. Okay.

Gave back all of his Junos because they thought they didn't represent Canadians anymore. Yeah. That's a crazy story. Yeah. He was just a perpetual rebel. And he, he, my cousin, who was one of my writing partners, we were like, write pilots together and shows and stuff. He's from New Brunswick.

He's a very funny person, part LA, part New Brunswick. He befriends everybody and talk about charm, talk about accidental charm. He's like me with nice hair and not a ginger. So no one's distracted by the style. They're looking at him in his beautiful eyes. He became, he was always a huge top of Tom Connors fan and befriended him and was friends with

him till the day he died. No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For people who aren't from Canada and never heard of him, he would, literally he was stomped on stage to keep time and everywhere he went he had to put down plywood. Yes. Because he would stop right through the stage and then I guess he would sign the plywood at the end.

Yes. And yeah, cool. I've never heard a bad word about him, but that was one thing I thought was so bizarre that he was like well concert done here. We go. Here's what I don't like Rebel talk about a car guy So here's what I don't like about stompin top his most famous song is good old hockey game Oh, okay, the hockey song is called. Yeah. Yeah, and he does describes the first verse He's describing what's happening in the game. Yeah second period our second verse. He mentions that it's the second period Oh, so we're going through an entire game

And then okay. Yeah, and he gets to the third period He says third period last game of the playoffs to you. What the fuck? Telling me this now This is so huge the winner of this game Fucking Stanley Cup and you just burnt like just casually mentioned. It's also the last good places come on Tom man It's the best game you can name very best game you can name. He'd be very hard to be in a relationship with yeah Yeah, tell me about it. Yeah, yeah those game you can name he'd be very hard to be in a relationship with yeah, yeah, tell me about it Yeah, yeah, those those details. Was it he?

I'm wrong about this remember when Conan shot a week of his show in Canada Does he alive then did he come on and sing the good old hockey game? As I remember the comedian guest was Ron James. Hmm also for the Maritimes. Yes, definitely. And I thought he did the hockey game. Past guest, Pat Kelly, they did a thing where they had the CN tower racing against the Seattle Space Needle. Or fighting or racing, and Pat was one of them.

Really? And one of the costumes, yeah. Awesome. Yeah, Awesome. Yeah. Yeah Local staple Pat Kelly, Toronto. That's right. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah Man, that's we could sit here all day and listen to these tour stories. Yeah, I'm gonna have to have you on so often. I'll come anytime. I love this and it was hilarious because I hadn't thought about that story. Once we once you start a story like that, I'm sorry it was so long. I enjoyed every second of it.

But man, it's there's a lot of those stories. I don't talk about anything music related in my stand up. And I've been told a couple of times by friends who know me that you should start mentioning there's a lot of stories. A lot of stories. That's I wouldn't say that's a stand up story. But I just mean that there's a lot of stories stories that I wouldn't say that's a stand-up story, but I just mean that there's a lot of stories I never

Speak your own truth Hey, maybe do some tour stories and less Impressions, please exactly. I don't like doing that impression by the way, but you can't stop it. I literally, it's just the comedy mind. I was a mimic growing up. Do you do any other impressions? I do a lot of impressions. A lot of impressions. No, but he's ruined certain words.

He's ruined words. Like I can't say a lot anymore. You know, I can't say big. You know? What's the one we do? We always like, things are happening more and more. More people are saying People he's always saying people like people People in terms of people in terms of the what it's whatever you make a statement is like, oh, yeah We love that show don't we folks?

That's such a good niche one, but yeah, I do lots of impressions. I'm not gonna do any now. Do you do any bus drivers? Hahahaha! Look at me! I can't drive a fucking bus! I'm from America! Hahahaha! Just kidding. Um, Dave, what's going on with you? I don't have a lot going on with me. I got a little story, but it's not like...

It's not crazy. Now I feel stupid. Please don't! Please! Anything is not crazy. I feel stupid. Please don't please anything is a connection I almost died Dave. Oh It took us like six months to realize like did we almost die? Did you ever get out and work? Yeah, I know you're a car guy. Did you ever fix that bus? You should have seen it man showing up at that festival You should have seen it man, showing up at that festival, beautiful bright light in Atlanta, Georgia, just seeing the damage of the bus, a full electrical panel off the exterior of

the bus. Wow. Shit. Okay, so what's going on with me is here's a little something. Like, okay, like a year and a bit ago I was playing hockey. I mean, a guy I play hockey with was telling me about. Wait a minute, is this the best game you can name? The best one I can name at the moment.

Under, you know, under pressure. It was the first one I could name. So yeah, a guy I play hockey with was, it was talking about this bourbon. He was like talking about this kind of bourbon that he really likes and it is the sewer I guess so and he was like telling people about it and I was like I kind of felt like

See the work for this bourbon company Why is that big suitcase And so but he's it's called Weller. It's from America. Heard of it. And the, he was like, it's, the problem is, it's hard to get. It's like, they don't make a lot of it. And then when they, we get a batch in British Columbia, it sells out right away. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I'll keep an eye out for it. Next time I was at the liquor store, they had tons of it. No, really? Yeah.

Yeah. So, um. Flying off the shelves, flying off the shelves. So I got- Oh man, guy got you. Sold you with hype. So I got two bottles of it. And the best thing about it is it's not expensive.

It's like $42 a bottle. That's fine for a, it's a bourbon, it's a whiskey. It's a bourbon. Yeah, that is a pretty good price. And it's nice, it's nice stuff. And so I got it and I liked it. And then I don't really drink a lot of bourbon, but in the winter I drink more.

And then we had that, I had like a Christmas party last year. Yes. Graham came over, you drank a lot of it. Yeah. Oh, now. It was great. You liked it? Yeah, I liked it. Well, and drank a lot of it. Yeah. Oh, now. Great. You liked it? Yeah, I liked it.

Well, and so, you know, in January rolls around, I'm like, I'm running low. I'm gonna get more of this Weller bourbon. Yeah. Nowhere to be found. Really? Oh, it's slowed down. I go to the liquor store.

I go to the liquor store website that keeps like a, tells you exactly how many of everything is in stock in every store. Right. None, none in the whole province. Wow. And then I check like private liquor stores, none. And every couple of weeks, I go back to the website and look it up.

There's none anywhere. And then like early March, I look it up again. They say there's six bottles of it. Okay. And it's at the liquor store, the main liquor store on the- The big guy. On Camby, yeah.

And so I was like, okay. Oh, there's six in stock. I go down to the liquor store, can't find it anywhere. I talked to customer service. The woman there is like, I know the bourbon you're talking about. We don't have it. It's passing through the store It's in our system, but it's only passing through you can't get it. Oh, wow. It's on to her. Yeah, and I'm like, okay

and I keep checking every few weeks and then In May I check and they say it's coming out in June. Okay, they're gonna, we're gonna have a bunch of it on June 15th. Oh my God. And so the guy I... It's coming up. It's coming up. It's here. Yeah.

Well, listen. And so the guy, I go to the guy I play hockey with, I'm like, hey, that bourbon you told me about last year, I really hockey with, I'm like, hey, that bourbon you told me about last year, I really liked it, they're gonna have more of it. And he's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. No, are you the guy who told me about that bourbon, Weller bourbon?

He's like, no, I guess I've heard of that. But. So is this where you're talking to a ghost? I don't know. What the, what? An interdimensional creature. Never works for the. Yeah.

And so I, anyway, I'm like, oh, I should get this part of it. And then, but it's coming out on June 15th as part of like a, they do a big like, uh, we're releasing 80 rare kinds of spirits. Oh, and so like you go and you get like a whatever $400 bottle of, of whiskey and, and I was like, okay. I would check the website the day before the release and they're like, we have it in stock right now. Okay. So I went to the store're like, we have it in stock right now. Okay.

So I went to the store, they didn't have it in stock. Ah, shit. Does this stuff actually exist? And then they- Have you seen- No, I have seen one. But it was the day before the release and there were people camped out already.

Really? What? For like people in camping chairs, they were putting up like a big like Black Friday style tent outside. Oh my gosh. Wow. Bring the kids to the Bourbon Festival. And so. This is now like this bourbon is so popular and rare

that it's like they've got fans. Well, it's not, this big opening is for 80 different. Oh, this is just, yeah, this is Ligur Fest. Yeah, so I was like, and then you can look up, some of them, they had this big brochure of all the whiskies they were releasing, and a lot of them were like, limit one bottle. Oh. Some of them were like,

you have to enter a draw to get them. Wow. But this, the kind I like was like, we have a couple hundred bottles of it, so. You're fine. Headfully stocked. Yeah. And then, and so I go. There's no rush.

Yeah. Yeah. But I still was like, well, I went the morning it was released. I didn't go right at opening time. Fair enough, yeah. But, and I didn't go to the main one with a huge lineup, I went to a different location.

Yeah. And they were having, they had a minor, a small event where they were like, there was a lineup. Yeah. But it wasn't a huge long one. And they were like, we're only letting 10 people in at a time. And so I go in and they had it.

Wait a minute. So I can't stop obsessing over the guy who sold you on this. I know. Was he drunk on Weller's? I think I just remember the wrong guy. Yeah. I think I have a bad, like there was a thread on the or a post on our Facebook group but how what a great memory I have. Yeah. Oh yeah. But I

I find this more and more is like I'm forgetting who I who told me something. Oh yeah. Or like well last week I didn't know the difference between wheat and and oats. So yeah, I got a couple bottles. Good last me a while. Nice, nice. Now this booze festival, because I think I went into it accidentally a couple of years ago, they had a big glass case with a bourbon that was worth like $15,000.

Yeah, when I went the day before it opened opened it was all behind like a velvet rope. Yes Yeah And then when I went the morning of it was Like nine in the morning and they were doing a tasting. Oh wow And the guy had like three bottles of stuff and he was like and like bread for you to I guess Soak it up and he was he also, I have bus passes if anyone gets too drunk at nine in the morning. Jesus.

It's like those old postal pubs in Scotland. Yeah, it's like the old postal pubs in Scotland. What are the postal pubs? $15,000 bottle of bourbon. I mean, I love somebody who can't really afford that, purchasing that. Oh, yeah, somebody's like, put it on four different cards here, I'm gonna buy it. You just have it around the house, but you just can't invite any of your irresponsible

friends over who will finish the bottle off. What is like the, I imagine a lot of the people who like line up are reselling it? Yeah. Is that what you do? There's probably a guy too walking in, he's like, it's a nice name, he's like, this is my usual boost, I'm like, is everybody here? Yeah. Is that what you do? There's probably a guy too, walking in, he's like, it's not your name, he's like, this is my usual boost, I'm either way to here. Yeah, exactly.

I gotta wait in line for that? So check it out. Oh, you wanna know a weird boost thing? Uh-huh, yeah. Air Canada, biggest airline in the country, in response to up and comer Porter Air, is now giving away alcohol in the planes. You don't have to buy it anymore. What?

Giving it away. Giving it away. Yeah. All companies are doing this now? This is Air Canada doing it. Oh man. I don't drink much, but I'm flying soon on Air Canada with my daughter and she's gonna watch her dad get pathetically drunk. Is Porter Air like a threat to Air Canada? It's just like it's picking up roots. It's the cool young airline.

Does it fly out of here? I don't know. I don't think I've ever heard of it before. I was once on a Porter, no twice, from Halifax to Newfoundland to St. John's. And once from downtown Toronto to New York. What I remember about Porter is you got glassware and real forks. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I was pretty shocked by that.

In post-911. Post-911, yeah. You could smash the glass. That's what I was thinking. I was like, wow, how do they know everybody's so civil on this? You could just totally... Oh, well, you know, you're like Porter, you're civil. Yeah, you're cool. You're cool if you're on Porter. How's that downtown Toronto airport? I mean, it's been a while. Billy Bishop?

No. Yeah, I think it is. Is that what's called Billy Bishop? Yeah. Yeah, that downtown one. I remember it being nice and small, but it felt cool. It's convenient. It felt cool.

Yeah. Do they fly anywhere other than New York? I've only heard of people going New York to Toronto. I don't think so So you're not an expert in this? Okay. No, no, no, I'm not an expert in this. I just think it's cool Where are you going with your daughter? Which my with my what oh with my daughter. We're gonna go out and visit my family in New Brunswick Okay, I'm shooting a little proof of concept for this pilot. We're working on and doing a bit of stand-up. Nice. Yeah, okay

I'm sure yeah fun trip. Yeah, go see the fam Yeah, you got a little bit while I'm out there. Yeah, anyway check out this bourbon But you didn't hear from me You were the guy the thing is it's like I'm not worth lining up over. It was just a good price. Yeah, yeah I swear there's something that there's an Fight Club element to this Dave this guy like you're Edward Norton and Brad Pitt Yeah, thank you something. Yeah. Yeah, we should all be so What's going on with you Graham? funny talking about the Maritimes I just yesterday came back from Newfoundland Canada and

Is that well I didn't want to call you on there you go even a Labrador well yeah no no no you nailed that but I just mean that I've made this mistake being from out there wasn't till I moved away come from away are you Newfoundland is not the Maritimes and they'll grill you on it really yeah they I was shocked too but no Newfoundland is its own thing the Maritimes, I guess, are Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island. Where's the shipping news? Oh, I believe shipping news. That's, that's, that's Newfoundland. I think that

might be different than one of the great Newfoundland films. Yeah, Kevin Spacey. Yeah, one of the great Spacey films. I saw many other great actors in it. I thought that that would be getting off the plane. You know how there's interprote have like big posters for like, you know this eat at this place So, you know while you're in Newfoundland you have to do this and the first one you see a production of come from While you're you might as well see it yeah, that's great come fight a lobster Yeah, was that your first time you're you've been in a bunch? No, no, I was time. Oh, was it? Yeah. Yeah, I would assume that you would you would go there I had all the other hot spots, but Newfoundland. Have you been to every province now? Yeah, is the last one?

Ah, yeah, I that's the that's the holdout. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you got to do you should do hubcap comedy festival Have you done that? No no I haven't I know the guy yeah yeah I see what I did that one last year but you would you'd be so loved there it's just expensive to fly a lot from BCL fly out and they look after you they put you up it's actually pretty good festival to do for somebody is in the West Coast because luckily you'll get looked after. You should talk to them about doing that. What's his name? Johnny Hubcat? Yeah, Johnny Hubcat.

That's his name, sure. Yeah, yeah. So here's the thing in Canada, much like Stomp It, Tom Connors, it's just Canadians know it. Maybe outside of Canada, you don't know it. There's a little ceremony you can be part of in Newfoundland called being screeched in. This is where they dress up like Dustin Diamond, they shove you in a locker. And you know what? He never went out and deadened himself.

It was all in honor of him. Yeah. Yeah. Local pervert. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess he was a pervert.

Rested pervert. Oh yeah, I actually forgot about that part. Yeah, no, accurate. Accidentally accurate. Yeah. So in different towns, I actually forgot about that part. Yeah, no, accurate. Accidentally accurate. So in different towns, I mean, I'm sure there's one in Dallas or like a thing that you, in Calgary, you get a white hat, which you got there on the mantle. In, is it Dawson City or?

Oh yeah, yeah. White horse, you do the sour toe. Do the sour toe cocktail, which is, have you ever heard of this? Oh, is that where they take a frost-bitten toe and put it in, like, what's the cocktail? It's just a thing of like moonshine or something. You try to buy it at the bar, just say, what is the shot, and they give you.

And then you take a shot and the toe touches your lips. You have to let the toe touch your lips. And is it the same toe or does it got a bunch of them? They've got a jar of toes like a big leg. Someone swallowed it. So yeah, somebody swallowed it. And there's a big fine. There's a big fine if you swallow it.

I don't know how they enforce that fine, but people regularly lose toes and donate them to this bar that you get sour toe cocktail. Quentin Tarantino, eat your heart out. Yeah. Eat your toe. So, and then when you do that, there's a guy in an old, like, captain's uniform

and he, like, tells you a story or whatever. And it's, you get a certificate. Yeah. So much like being, like, screeched in. What this is, Newfoundland thing, don't know what the origins are. The guy who did it, I don Don't know what the origins of it are. The guy who did it, I don't think explained what the origins are, but you go, you have to say a bunch of stuff. Is it in a bar?

In a bar. Is it a specific bar or does every bar? Newfoundland, every bar is letting you screech it. Yeah. But we went to like the best of the Christians. You went to famous, famous raise, original famous raise. There's like 50, we're the original screechers. And sometimes somebody told me like, oh yeah,

there's bars where you could just like, they'll just be like, you're gonna screech me in. And here's the shot. Get your lips on this here real quick. So you get a shot, you say some things and then you kiss We all said some things you can't say Yeah we took some things You kiss a codfish

A real codfish And you're on the lips You're allergic I'm allergic but I went I'm going to do this I'm going all in You're allergic to fish? Yeah Oh my god of course my buddy Matt is too That must have been Did anything happen? Nothing happened frozen frozen. Yeah, and so uh, let it go From frozen deep cut, uh, actually probably the most famous song for frozen. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah fully cut. Um

But you go you do the ceremony it's not cheap But you go, you do the ceremony. It's not cheap. It's not just paying for the screecher, paying for this whole thing, the whole show. Okay, how long is the show? It's about half an hour. Really? Yeah, yeah. Do you do it by yourself or is there a group? Oh, there's a big group.

Everybody in the bar is doing it. Oh, yeah. Okay. And you all have to like put your hand up and solemnly swear that I will... Oh, so it's a bar full of people who just showed up. Yeah. And they're all doing it. Oh my god. Yeah. Well, there's different show times, right? Oh, there's the 9pm. There's a 7pm. There's a, you know, I've been there. I don't know if I ever kissed, I guess I kissed a cod. Did everyone kiss the same cod? Yeah. Which is probably that's, I only thought about

afterwards like, why did they do this? Todd is short for COVID. Because you appreciate culture. I appreciate culture. This guy, the claim to fame of his particular screeching and ceremony is that Anthony Bourdain did an episode of the Pop Band. I thought you were gonna say Anthony Kiedis. Anthony Kiedis was there.

It was under a bridge, so it was a surprise. Yeah, it was there. It was under a bridge, so it was a surprise. Yeah, it was good. It was really good. And it was like 30 bucks. It was like 30 bucks well spent. But it's like the whole you have to wait half an hour for you to drink. Wait, they make you pay. They make you pay to do this. This is a ticket you pay for.

Yeah. I thought they like grab you by your shirt cuff and be like, all right soldier. Yeah No, you gotta go in. Yeah, okay, and it's checking passports and pulling people off the street No, okay. Well, they know they can see who's been screeched in it. Yeah, it seems less militant. I do like that That's a good quality. I got and the thing is to is the guys wearing like fishing hat, like an old Nor'eastern hat. The Gordon's fisherman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's carrying around, he's got a boat paddle, he's got the fish, and he made sure everybody got a good shot of themselves kissing the fish. So if you missed it, he'd do it again and come around and kiss the fish. And- Did you do it with your buddies? Yeah, I did with some pals.

You didn't do it with a bunch of tourists? Well, there were a lot of tourists there, but... Yeah, I had... You didn't just join a tour group? Yeah. Good for you. You weren't there for very long, were you? No.

So I did that. I got in the front. I wouldn't have done it if... You were there like three nights there, by? Yeah. Went to... That's right, everybody. That's right, kiss a cow there by! Day two they were like, hey weren't you here yesterday?

You know what, I'm just addicted to kissing this fish. I just thought my lips would swell up. I feel like my allergy's over. I gotta go in for number two. They'd be like you again, you tried to use tongue. Get out of here. To just, you know, can't remember any of the words from Eyes of the By that builds the boat.

And Eyes of the By that sails her. Did you, did you, eyes of eyes of eyes of, you get the idea. You get the idea. I'm gonna Sally Brown, some of them are in Norton's Harbor all the way. Do you go to Fogo?

We didn't go to Fogo. Okay. But I had Fomo about Fogo. Oh, sure, yeah. Did you go to Bogo? Did you go to Fogo. Fogo. But I had FOMO about Fogo. Did you go to Bogo? Did you go to Payless Shoes? Not to keep interrupting, but what is Fogo? It's a place. A place in Newfoundland? Oh, is it? Hey, look, I'm from the Maritime Spell.

I don't know anything about Newfoundland. Oh, did you? I saw where you went. Where else you went? Where else did I go? Well, it shares its name with a certain fake penis. Oh, Dildo! I went, that was in downtown St. John's, but there's a place there called Dildo.

Yeah, Dildo! And got a picture of it, funny, I'm sure that gets photographed five times a day. Yeah, isn't it like, didn't Jimmy Kimmel become the, like technically the mayor of Dildo? Yeah, yeah. It's funny, silly. Yeah, an honorary key to the city. Dildo-Gian.

I think this is... Dildo-Gian. Like, what is the, what is the demonym for Dildonic? I think it's a Dildoer. Yeah. So like these things, right, when you go to a town and they're like, we're giving you the key to the city. It always when it's portrayed in movies, there's a huge crowd there.

They all applaud. I feel like that doesn't happen anymore. Like they give you the key and swear and have some screech. Yeah, that is weird. Right? Because it was like, it'd be the mayor. I bestow on you the giant key. The giant key to the city.

We're naming the street after you and here's a shovel to dig. We're breaking ground today. I still think that must happen in Newfoundland, but I guess it's just some booming metropolis. I mean, did St. John's still seem like you go, did you go there? I haven't been there like a decade. Did it feel like, like what you saw in pictures? Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. It's everybody there. There's not like Amazon in the middle of beautiful color houses. They got a subway there. Subway sandwiches.

Absolutely. Oh yeah, but not a subway system. No, no. They're breaking ground on it though. Yeah, yeah. They're breaking ground on it. Hey, all right. What was the other Newfoundland movie about the like... Is it about the trying to tempt a guy to become the doctor? Yeah, I can't remember what it's called. And it's got what's his face from Banshees of Inisheeran? Yeah, yeah, not Confiore, but yes.

Hey, let me ask you this. Did you learn why the houses are colored that way, or is that just already well understood? How are they colored? Well, they're all different. They've all got unique, beautiful, bright. Yeah, Yeah, big bright houses and it's a very cool reason why I don't know you don't know it No, it is very I thought it was a one of the coolest parts of st John's at least the color of the book of the house is the same color as the boat that you own

Every day so everybody had their own boats because you had to go and get your own fish. And that way, you know, you see a blue boat that's gone awry and it starts floating away. People go like, oh, that's Bill's. We'll go tell Bill that their boat is going away. That's right. Oh, the yellow one's going. Let's go tell Jill and so forth. Good thing there's only seven boats. That's it. Yeah, yeah. So easy to keep track of the movies the grand seduction During Taylor kitchen Brendan Gleason. What year is that? Yes, Brendan Gleason. Oh, yeah So okay, I thought it Brendan Gleason was in the shipping news, but that's the film. I was thinking now

Oh, we got a grand seduction. Is that late 90s? That's 2013 Very late 90s. Yeah, that's really late 90s 2013. Oh, is it? It was very late 90s. Yeah, that's really late 90s. Fashionably late. We should do a Newfoundland Film Festival. It just feels sad.

Can I tell you the silly dad joke that we wrote about the grand seduction? Said, you know, bringing in a guy to be a doctor in a town, it was called the grand seduction, but originally it was called Doctor? No. That's good, right? That's good. That seems like something that would be on the debate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like fun, silly.

That's very funny, I like it. So yeah, those houses are called the Jellybean houses. That's a- Oh, I didn't know that. That's the term for them out there, the Jellybean house. So cool. And yeah, it's quaint as hell. Everybody there's so charming.

It's insane. Like when I checked into the hotel, they ask for a piece of ID. And the guy just looks in and he goes, yep, just as handsome. I was like, oh man, this is so fucking folksy. I love this. You gotta be careful doing comedy out in the Maritimes

because your driver, your person at the hotel. Well, this isn't the Maritimes, so don't worry about it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. In the East Coast, I messed up. I will never be invited to Newfoundland again, being from New Brunswick. But that's the thing, you gotta be careful because if you're not on your game, you know what I mean,

everybody there is funnier than the comedians. Absolutely. And they've all got like like constantly folksy turns of phrase and there's also like, like it sounds whenever two Newfoundlanders are talking, it sounds like it's a different language. Totally. One of my favorite expressions,

just to give you an idea of the one-liner humor that constantly goes, it's cold. And you go, geez, it's a Newfoundland one, I guess. It goes, so cold, chip your tooth on my bowl of soup. I love it. Something like that yeah. I remember like it was I feel like there were Newfoundland Newfie jokes yeah like the way they were blonde jokes yeah yeah but you can't say Newfie to a Newfoundlander they're called a Newfoundlander just like you can't call them a Maritimer oh otherwise it's fisticuffs you can't call them a Newfie. You can't call them a Maritimer? Oh you can't call them a Newfoundlander just like you can't call them a Maritimer. Oh, otherwise, it's fisticuffs. You can't call them a new fee

You can't call them a Maritimer. Oh They're a Newfoundlander and you but you're not too said way more specific than this seemingly chill society would have yeah There you can call them dildosians and even though them dildosians. Yeah, that's that's high Art, I don't know what I'm here's a weird thing about Newfoundland that I only learned for the purposes of this trip is that doesn't matter where we go, convenience stores, grocery stores, bars, Pepsi. Pepsi rules the day out there. Oh my God, that's such a great observation.

It's, you can't not observe it, because like, and it's because, you know, a hundred years ago or whatever, there was a Coke plant there and a Pepsi plant. Coke shut down their plant Pepsi still there. So they're like, oh, it's worth a team. I think it's the same in New Brunswick as well. I see all my family because I don't really drink that stuff.

But my family always there's always Pepsi in the. Well, you know, I didn't come back. Oh, yeah. always there's always Pepsi in the fridge. Well you know it's that way in Quebec. Oh yeah, Quebec's like isn't Pepsi sort of like a almost a, like a newfiesque? Yeah, it's almost a slur for a Quebecer. Yeah. A Pepsi? Yeah. Pepsi.

I mean, when I say almost a slur, I mean it's a slur. Probably kind of a slur. I did not know that. Alright, don't do that. But Pepsi, Pepsi. Oh, that's kind of funny. Yeah But yeah, anyways charming as hell if you want to go to someplace. It's like You know got its own distinct I mean like that's the other thing we're talking about is like that is their own cult like that's so far away from my understanding

What Canada is being on the other side? Oh, yeah? Oh you go there feeling like you're in another country Yeah, Breton as well Cape Breton sounds like kind of like a bit of a Scottish accent in Nova Scotia Yeah, go to Newfoundland. It is exactly Cork Ireland. Yeah, it's the same accent. Mm-hmm. I've had friends That's what I put up there on only fans Different sizes different style Wow, you are wild Different sizes, different styles. Wow, you are wild. Do you guys want to move on to some over herds? Yeah.

Since 2017, Maximum Film has had the same slogan. The podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys. Ooh, we've learned something over the years. Some people out there really do not like that slogan. Listen, we love straight white guys. Well, some of them. But if there's one thing we can't change, it's who we are. I'm Ify, a comedian who was on Strike last year in two different unions.

I'm Dreya, I've been a producer and film festival programmer for decades. And I'm Alonzo, a film critic who literally wrote the book on queer Hollywood. You can listen to us talk movies and the movie biz every week on Maximum Film. We may not be straight white guys, but we love movies, and we know what we're talking about. Listen to Maximum Film on Maximum Fun or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yeah!

Oh, darling, why won't you accept my love? My dear, even though you are a duke, I could never love you. You... you... borrowed a book from me and never returned it! Ahhhhh! Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to Reading Glasses. We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems. Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overheard.

Were we here on the podcast, if you've overheard it, we want to hear it. Why shouldn't we hear it? Give us a chance. We weren't there, but relay it. Give peace a chance. Give peace a chance. I weren't there but relay it. Give peace a chance. Give peace a chance. I've never heard a guy say that. What was his whole thing? Was he in a bed at a time?

He was in a bed at a time. He was in one bed at a time. But sometimes a long time. A long time. That's true. When he did those bed ins, John Lennon I'm talking about. Yeah, it's his wife. It was his wife, Yacow. I've only read her name so you can't get mad. Yeah, that's right. He just learned it by reading. Yeah.

No, that's perfect. Yeah. Keep going. And what was the bathroom policy on these bedends? Are they allowed to get out? No, bedpads. They were all in bedpads. Really?

No, I don't know. They did it in Montreal because I guess John couldn't get across the border drug stuff and You can go you can go to that hotel and stay in the the famous bed in room. Oh, yeah, like Tommy Smothers was there. Yeah, it's crazy. It still smells like excrement After all these years only one bathroom, I guess After all these years, there was only one bathroom I guess Technicalities they rigged up colostomy bags one burst when they rolled over. Okay. Well, you know what every other hotel room and mud You all smells like Pepsi Maybe a slurp at this point. It's too soon to tell so why why can't we say it anymore, right?

Come on they took that from us this thing we just discovered Pepsi And so why can't we say it anymore? Right? We used to be able to say it. Why? Come on. They took that from us, this thing we just discovered? Pepsi. We always like to start with the guests. Okay. Colin, do you have one? It's not overly exciting.

Mine isn't either, but it's fun. Mine's fun. Great. Mine just is going to make me sound like an old curmudgeon. There was a couple of 15-year- old girls coming out of a little Japanese restaurant. I was walking by, but I was with my at the time 16 year old nephew. And they were complaining about texting their friend. I believe she said, Yeah, I texted her too.

And she didn't respond to me for like an hour. You guys get it? We're of a similar age. And I was like, what the? Did you hear that? And he goes, luckily, my 16 year old nephew goes, yeah, that stuff's so lame. I was like, oh, I love you. Thank you for not making me feel like a piece of crap. Yeah

So not writing back in a whole hour. That's up these two girls would hate me they I Turned my phone off for long periods of time. I was I was a very much Luddite of pure pride forever. I didn't get a smartphone till 2018 because I had to obviously I got agents I'm tour yeah, everybody uses that wheeling and deal and I like it. I like a phone for like random stuff But anyway, I just I'm not a fast-paced person when it comes to communication. I enjoy a mystique I share nothing personal on social media. Okay, yeah. Because I- it's okay if you do. I luckily have a Luddite mother who

hand writes letters and has no email address. Mail me a photograph. That's it. Yeah, that's it. We mail things. So luckily I've never had pressure from up top. So these girls, I just think about these beautiful relationships with this friend that obviously they have disowned. She did not respond in an hour. They were not, the conversation went on and I heard it fading away and it was just getting crueller as I walked by.

But I just couldn't believe that a relationship could be thwarted by that. I love that you don't have you didn't get a cell phone because my mom most parents put pressures on their kids to get a cell phone well It actually is look I always joke about all these boomers that retired and then they spend their whole lives in front of a computer screen you know at least from when the computer became the thing yeah and putting punch cards And then type in your stuff and whatever basic computer interaction I always picture them like, you know, I picture somebody retiring they throw away the technology and they go be Barack Obama Classics orting

Came Barack Obama as a story as old of time as time. But yeah, I noticed that people retire, especially older folks, and then they just end up on their phone more. Yeah. Yeah. And some of them even try to become influencers. Oh man, have you ever seen, to me it's the saddest of the things, father-son, influencer, they're trying to be influencers. I'm like, hey, I got the kid there so he's cool.

And I've got, you know, I gave birth to him so I'm cool. It's it. It's the most authentic version of the most inauthentic relationship. It's a philosophical conundrum. And you can see, especially especially influencer families where you're like That's so cute that you're doing that to those who find that cute not me It's oh, I'm like you you are are not communicating correctly to one another You're probably only practicing your social media choreography, and then you can't stand being around each other

You've been a you've been a family band now in the And you can't stand being around each other. You've been a family band now. And then what happens when the band breaks up? Then what? Who owns the house? Who owns the house? And I hate my father. Anyway, I just get up. I felt sorry for their very cool friend who was also 15 and didn't respond. That kid's gonna go on to big things.

Probably doing big things. That's why it took an hour. Well, that's it. Yeah, that's it. Jeez. So, Dave, do you have an over-air? Yeah, this one is also kid related. I would- Good, let's bash those crazy kids. Well, I'll tell you, man. I was at the, I took my children to go see Inside Out 2.

Okay. Oh, cool. This is the sequel to the very popular movie inside out Yeah, the movie about you know, let's make your emotions little guys running around your brain And I heard this movie Smash box like I do I take my kids to Pretty much every kids movie that I I want to see more than they do. I'm like, because it's something to do. I like going to the movies.

Yeah, it's fun to sit there, eat some corn. And we usually go basically on opening weekend. There's plenty of seats. Oh, yeah. Kids don't care about a premiere. They'll go whenever. Yeah, exactly. Of course.

Of course. This past weekend, I was like, oh my god, there's so many showings, but they're all very full. We could either sit like... Oh yeah, because of course you can see the map. Yeah. Because Inside Out, I think was a, like I've never seen the movie. I'm only a new dad, but when it came out,

I couldn't have cared less. I was like, you know, the kind of person, it was like, F kids. And I was still like, Inside Out sounds pretty cool. Why is everybody talking about it? So this must have been gigantic, this release. I loved about Inside Out that they cast all the characters so well and the little volcano guys who's so angry

as it was black. It was black. It's so good. Wild. Wild, I love it. They didn't keep all, like, I think a couple of the emotions, they weren't gonna pay them enough, so they didn't come back.

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. But. I heard that these movies are great though. So you are. Yeah, the first one's very good. The second one, you know what? The hockey movie. Is it? Yeah. It's a hockey movie? I'd what? The hockey movie. Is it?

Yeah. It's a hockey movie? I'd call it a hockey movie. One of the biggest hockey movies of all time. So the kid with the emotions plays hockey? Yep. Nice. Wow.

Anyway, it's pretty good. Yeah. I like the blue one. Sad. Yeah. The sad one. Oh. Yeah.

You would. Anyway, so. Yeah. Sad one. Oh. Yeah. You would. Anyway, so. Yeah, I would. So, he's crying as he laughs, folks. This theater is full. And there are, there's people in front of us, people behind us, people all around us. Behind us, I feel like there was a birthday party.

Okay. Because there's three boys behind us. We're just on the aisle that just has Okay. And cause there's three boys behind us. We're just on the aisle that just has three seats, but there's three boys and someone brought like a mother from somewhere else, brought them snacks. Oh wow, okay. And then the movie, they're talking so much

and the movies or the trailers are starting and they're like goofing around a lot. They have a comment about every trailer. It's like, they're like, I don't know, 10, 11. Yeah, but they're trying it out. This is something you need to know how to do as an adult. Yeah. Yes. And then they're like kind of tearing down,

like, oh, that looks stupid. Oh. And then the Lion King, there's a Lion King. They did a live action Lion King a few years ago. And now they're doing a Like a prequel, okay about Simba's dad whatever his name is Yeah, Mustafa Oh, yeah, okay. That's not the evil as in scar Mustafa

so they're the the kids are watching this and Scar. Scar. Scar. Scar. Mustafa. Mustafa. So the kids are watching this and at the very end it comes up on the screen that it has featuring new songs by Lin-Manuel Miranda. Oh. And one of the boys goes, oh, Lin-Manuel Miranda. He made the songs for Hamilton so it's gotta be good. How old is this adult kid?

Eleven. Man, get that kid an office in LA. He is cool. Yeah. Oh, what a fun thing to do for a birthday. Go movie day. Everybody's gonna go to a movie. Totally.

We're not there yet with my daughter. She's only two and a half, but that sounds so fun and hilarious. Well they did. That's a plethora of over-hears. I went to, I remember for my 10th birthday, we went to Home Alone. But it wasn't like this kind of thing where they have like a party room

and then you go to the movie, you come back, you open presents, you eat cake. Yeah. But they now have that. I just realized looking backwards, a couple times I went with a field trip, we went to go see a movie and I was like, what the, the people around us must have fucking hated.

Like, imagine you're sitting there watching, like getting ready to watch a movie and a whole class was there. Class of kids. Yeah. And it wasn't like a kids, we went to Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

So we go to all these movies and we get popcorn and whatever. Terrible. And I've got it timed down where it's like, okay, the movie says it starts at 315, but the trailers will be 12 minutes. Yeah. So the movie's not really going to start. So we got plenty of time. Like we don't need to panic. We got time to get snacks. We got, I was like, oh, this theater's very full. We should get there a bit early. And we got there 10 minutes before it was supposed to start, before like the show time, not even the actual run.

And the line to get popcorn, there were three huge lines out the door to get popcorn. I was like, okay, we'll just get in this line and we'll wait, I'll give us 15 minutes. And then after that 15 minutes, we'll just get in this line and we'll wait that I'll give us 15 minutes and then After that 15 minutes, we got to get in our seats, right? We the line did not move in So as a in communication with the concession to be like hold hold hold for ten no really no shit cuz they've got another show Later, you must be so regular. Yeah when this kids films playing that's it I mean the kids don't care about premieres Graham and they don't care about concession weights Because they've got another show later. It must be so regular. Yeah, when this kids films plan, that's it.

I mean, kids don't care about premieres, Graham, and they don't care about concession weights. They're that's true. They're fine. They're getting some. I'm sure there's just it has to be common at a certain age for kids. I haven't experienced it yet, but it's like you've gone to settle the bill five times. But then there's like the question of can I have that too?

And then the conversation of whether that happening 25 times in a long line. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh my God. Reversing the order of saying no, yes, but. Well, it's funny, because like you go to the movies and they've got bags of popcorn waiting to be served. Like they pre-stuffed the bags. Yeah, they got a quiver.

Yeah, they got a quiver of the bags they got a quiver of bags. Ah. And yet, no, not happening today. Just chaos. Yeah. Oh man. Graeme, do you ever overheard? I've overseen, and it's a thing that I like, that I see once in a while, it always makes me grin,

is that, like, you know you go to some kind of conference or something, you get swag. You get a windbreaker that says, you know, LTV, Trucking Incorporated, or whatever. Yes, yes. So you get a windbreaker that says, you know, LTV trucking incorporated or whatever. Yes. I know. So you see a lot of that in thrift stores. You see them by the batch. Yeah. You would see it's all from, you know, the one that I like is like a Best Buy one that says like,

ask me about Darth Vader or something. Is it true he's Luke's father? No, they made that up. Is it true he's Luke's father? No, they made that up. Yeah, so I like those, but I really like when it's a brand that you never would have thought would have merch. And that was an old guy on the flight. They'd got off kind of, you know,

sometimes the older guys will get off and it's like, just wait, just wait until everybody is off cause this is just creating traffic congestion all over the place So this guy are all eyes on this guy everybody's paying attention this guy's taking forever And he's wearing a backpack great back and when you say old guy Talking isn't his he's in his 60s gross He's got a backpack big label on the back I was gonna say hot but I keep going

Yeah, I keep going big big old logo on the back. I was gonna say hot, but keep going, keep going, keep going. Big old logo on the backpack. You couldn't not see it. Was Hellman's mayonnaise. Oh yeah. Oh! Okay. Hellman's mayonnaise.

So I was like, yes! That is amazing. That was probably a rap gift after they made the Hellman's movie. Ha your kids to see the Hellman's biopic. Oh man. The founder of Hellman's. Anyway, just- Some are going to the whitest film of the year.

Just grinning from ear to ear, seeing that Hellman's backpack. Oh my God. Because I remember I saw one, I talked about it years ago, I saw one that somebody was wearing a shirt that said Benalyn. Oh. Oh. Oh. I bet you there's some Facebook page

or something out there where it's like people share pictures of merch. Big time. I mean, the only route I could see of getting that Hellman's mayonnaise is this guy was like working in public relations or marketing for Sobeys and brokered like a new Hellman's deal and to celebrate and then they did

classic Hellman's and got a lot of money back. You guys have heard that story. So we didn't get the bonus but he got a little bit of a schwag bag. Yeah. Came with a backpack and a t-shirt coffee mug And he plays it off and actually pretends it's an old motorcycle gang of his called the hell man the hell man the bike riders there's a You remember the like swell bottles or was crazy about swell water bottles for a while mine fell apart Cuz I dropped it a billion times.

Did you get apple care on that? My dad said, oh, I got one. It was a bit of swag. And it was shaped like this well, but I dropped the lid once and it smashed. It's in name only. Anyways, Hellman's, you should check them out. It's probably North America's number one mayonnaise. Yeah. I'll second that. Yeah. They've got a vegan one. They've got one that is made of olive oil.

I like that. Industry classic. I get Kewpie mayonnaise. You get that stuff? Huh? The squeezy ball with a little baby on it. It's good. It's got MSG in it. Oh, I don't know. Is this all true? Yeah, man. Kewpie. Where did you get this Kewpie? Yeah, most remote. It's good. It's got MSG in it. Oh, is this all true? Yeah, man. Cupid. Where did you get this Cupid? Yeah, most remote. It's an Asian mayonnaise. And why is there a baby on it? It's a Cupid baby. It's like a cartoon Cupid baby. You get it at most grocery stores. Yeah. It comes in a... it's a bottle but it comes in a bag. More like a little plastic package around it. Oh, it's a bottle in a bag. Or like a little plastic package around it. Oh, it's a bottle in a bag. Yeah, check it out. QB mayonnaise. Mix it with sriracha, put it on a little salmon.

Oh man. This is how boring I am for my birthday. I asked for squeeze bottles so I could make my own like combo mayonnaise. Oh yeah. Sources. That's where I'm at. I got one of those squeeze bottles to make I saw someone doing pancake art with them yeah yeah it's not as easy as it looks they make a perfect clown face or yeah SpongeBob SquarePants I'm not even good at like pen art why did I think I could do that? Now we also have overheard sent to a sent in to us from all over the place. And if you want to send one in, you can write to us at sbyatmaximumfun.org.

And the first one comes from Dave in Oakland, a man walking past me while I'm waiting for the train, unsure if he's on the phone or talking to himself. He said, you want to fight me? Well, take off that utility belt Which is what you would say to Batman. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's make things fair here, sir We'll both wear capes cuz those kind of tie us down a little but utility belt Hang her up. Who is he talking to you? You couldn't tell couldn't tell phone or or self But probably like or you know, know, he's got a big audition and his memory's in the line.

You wanna fight me? Yeah, I think like, what did he mean, tool belt? And he just. It might be. That's what I thought when I heard utility belt, but then I was like, yeah, Batman's got a famous utility belt. Oh my gosh.

He's got a batarang. Got a batarang, he's got smoke things. Oh, he's got a smoke bomb, smoke pellets, this guy's like rope thing that comes out. Got the rope thing. He's got like smoke. Yeah. Oh, you got a small Guys like rope thing that comes out the rope thing. What's it called? That same thing. I don't know like no that's the batarangs the the bat What's the one is the bat hook? Is that the one where yeah? Yeah, the word zips up and then he's climbing on the building Just feet. Oh, yeah, and he's got like a ninja stars, but they're bats, ninja bats. Yeah. Silver bats. Where does he get all those wonderful toys? It's funny that he, like looking at it now that everything's on brand for him.

That it's, I don't want just have throwing stars. They'll be shaped like bats. So when people see them, they know. Very strong hips. Very strong hips carrying that around. I got killed. I got stabbed by a bat throwing star. And then I was like, cool.

Can you sign this for me? It's one of one. It's lodged in my body. He wanted to be buried with it. It was the thing that killed him. But it was a famous heirloom. That's it. This one's a's it this one's a sad one this is a sad one from Melissa from Ocean Springs Mississippi about ten

years ago ten years ago I was serving tables at a restaurant and a young couple in their 20s came in for lunch obviously on a date after I put their food order down I walked by their table and overheard the woman say the man what is platonic mean when I came back women say to the man, what does platonic mean? When I came back with their food, the man was by himself. He asked for the check and two to-go boxes. Oh! That's a whole scene.

Wow! That's like a whole movie. The opening of a very beautiful short film. Yeah, what does platonic mean? Well, it refers to Play-Doh. Oh my God. Yeah. And also just- What does So platonic mean? Well, it refers to Plato. Oh my god. And also just-

Whistocratic. And there's- Wow, that's a brilliant first line. That's so heavy. He was taking the check and he was like, this was a breakup meal, but we shouldn't waste it. Yeah, and you'd both. Yeah. Yeah, you know, box up those waffles. I'll take them home.

Yeah. Do you have any little maple syrup packs too? Yeah, yeah. Oh, those are the best. And then, of course, I'm sure the servers said, is this together or separate? Yeah. And the answer was, of course, separate. Because we're platonic now. We're platonic now. Yeah, oh that would be that would be a hot scorch if you you broke up with somebody and then said yes everybody. Pretty good. Pretty good I like that one. This is last one's from Pixie from Trader Joe's in Los Angeles.

Two women were blocking the aisle and enthusiastically describing products to each other. One woman said, Oh look, it's little packages of olives. So you can just grab one of these instead of having instead of potato chips or something, you know, for people like us. Wow. Our kind. Not that, you know, who wouldn't like that? Lady from Maury Pobj. Oh, she's so scared.

Such a giant jar of oil. Like that's the taker takeaway. You can, I guess you can find a lot of clips of those old talk shows on YouTube. Wait, sorry, what was this lady? There was a lady on, did we talk about it today? It's been a long episode. On Maury Pobj that she was allergic to olives. Oh, that's right the olives She was allergic or afraid afraid. She was allergic. I thought it was allergic. She was afraid of a That was the we're gonna come from people

With the thing they're allergic to I thought they were just ready like exposure therapy. I don't know I was like that's sick and twisted That's entertainment. Oh boy. Oh boy. Wow Wow well in addition to Rehearsal written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 That's one. Oh Spy pod one like these people have good news, my computer that I spilled on seems fine. Zipping right along. Hey. We'll see. Hello, this is James of Vancouver,

calling with an overheard. I was at a Subway sandwich franchise just now, listening to the show actually. And I took out my headphones to interact with the sandwich artist and heard the elderly couple behind me pouring over the menu in great detail and deliberating about what they wanted to get. And then as I was leaving and it was their turn to do the experience, they said to the sandwich artist, what does build your own mean and

she pointed to the board behind her and said it's you know, it's right there. It's all the stuff that we have and The elderly woman asked again. Yeah. Yes, but what does it mean? This isn't as good as it was in the moment. Upon further inspection. I do like it all. Oh, I thought he said, no, that's, that's a fun realization. Yeah, I get that in person when I'm telling a story like, oh my God, this He said, ah, fuck it. Now that's a fun realization. Yeah. I get that in person when I'm telling a story.

Like, oh my god, this is fucking bourbon stories going on and on. I felt the same about the buzz, obviously. But it was a good one. That was great. That was very funny. No, Graham, a few weeks ago, Graham said, we're dying for written in over her. And I was like, don't worry about me me I've got plenty of called in overheard and then I feel like

I don't know if it's my energy that I was bringing to them when I was listening I feel like a lot of the overheard I was getting were had a weird energy to them like that one and I guess this one I don't actually know what's coming next. Hi there. Hi there, Dave Graham and guests. I'm just going to assume it's Jesse Thorne. Nope. Just out on a walk around the neighborhood, walked past a sports bar with a little patio out there.

There was a group of women sitting down and they saw someone else they recognized across the patio and suddenly I heard one of them yell, he's cheating on me with his cousin. Oh wow. Before I walked away she did clarify it was his fourth cousin but that's all I know. Sure. That's fine. I think fourth is fine. Did he clarify because he suddenly realized that people heard this?

Right. That's not my first cousin. It's not my aunt's kids. This is my... We share a great, great, great grandparent. Just saw the person who heard who called it, just like half their face behind a pillar and was like, fourth cousin. Fourth cousin though, so it's fine.

You could unknowingly dated a fourth cousin. It's not disgusting. It's not disgusting. It's natural. I... A couple things. I only like 10 years ago learned what second, third, and fourth cousins mean.

Oh. Like. I thought you were gonna say second, third, and fourth base. Base, I mean, too. Cause first cousins you share grandparents. Okay. Second cousins you share great grandparents.

Third cousins share great great grandparents and so on. Oh, okay. But I, as a small 20 something. No. I thought Einstein's theory of relativity was, well, like explained all that. It was like, that's how you explain it. I guess I knew, I figured, I realized that wasn't the case in my teens probably. All right, here's your final phone call.

Hi there. I haven't overheard from Guelph. This is Robin. I just stepped out my door and a young man was walking by without a shirt, which is not really material to this story, but he was on the phone and I heard him saying, see, that's what happens when you put a banana in a bunch of fruit, in a bowl with a bunch of fruit. Yeah, I always used to hate it when you did that because all my apples tasted like bananas. Anyway, it was just an overhurt. Good times. Not really standing behind the overhurt.

I don't think that's true. I think bananas can emit a over. Yeah, I don't think that's true. I think bananas can, they emit a smell. Yeah. Well, fun fact, bananas actually ripen other fruit faster when in proximity of that fruit. Do they? Really? Does this taste run off? I think an unpeeled banana does sort of. I'm actually kind of with her on thinking this is an actual interesting story believe it or not I think that no I think that she's onto something you said unpeeled does it you use an unpeeled banana We use a peeled banana to write when other fruit around but an unpeeled banana I do actually wait when you say unpeeled you mean with the peel still on Hmm because peeled banana. Oh my god linguistically. I'm a mess

Well, no, but that's a feel of things like we were talking a couple weeks ago Someone said unthaw something and they met Bob. Yeah, everyone knows what you mean. Yeah Damn it. I can't think about that because there's not enough time. I want to go down a rabbit hole No tangents, but yeah, you put a banana in its peel Fully unpeeled. Does this make sense? Next to a bunch of fruit and it will ripen it faster. But when you slice up a banana in a fruit salad, I always find it ruins the apples. Those apples are brown a lot faster when there's a banana in that fruit salad.

I think as soon as you slice an apple, you can't let it sit around. That's it. Gonna age really quick. Oh yeah. The only thing about bananas that I learned is you know when you get a bunch of them and sometimes there's like plastic wrap around the top of it?

Yeah. That keeps them fresher longer. Oh. Because I think that's the beginning of, it kind of works down so if it's got plastic. Oh. You know what, I've been doing some pretty interesting banana experiments.

Yeah, like what do you ever have, if you. I have as well and you can see them on my OnlyFans. Hahaha! Seems like a good banana experiment. I am definitely doing this tonight. Hahaha! Um, well this is the end of the podcast. It had to come at some point.

Colin, thank you so much for being our guest. Thanks so much for having me. What a pleasure. Tell us about all your things. Comedy World, which is such a fun show. I just did the last one. Oh, it was so great having you, Graham. It was so fun. Yeah, it was a good show. Yeah, Comedy World. It's a stand up show every second and fourth Friday at China Cloud Studios. Always a gas. And I got a comedy special that came out on YouTube April 1st. You can watch it for free

It's called call in Cal one live to tape and I also have the audio version of that which is an album that just came Out in that version on all platforms, which is calling Cal one live to tape check it out. Check all of it out So thank you for being our guest and thank you everybody out there for listening to the show Thank you everybody out there for listening to the show. If you're deciding which mayonnaise to use, try a new mayonnaise. Try a Kewpie or Polska. Is it Polska? Is that nice Polish one? Polska's out there, I'm sure.

If you're in Europe, get Tomi in a tube. This summer, make it your summer of trying a different mayonnaise and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself Maximum fun a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.