Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 868 - Myles Anderson

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

Comedian Myles Anderson returns to talk about his weird brain, puddles, and Ottawa food.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 868 of Star Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who on a crisp fall day, which is really his time of year, he'll wear a jacket but sometimes he'll blow you out of the water and wear a vest.

It's Mr. Dave Schoenken. You're just taking me at my word. That's true. I didn't see you in it. What type of vest are we talking about? Puffy. Puffy? Eddie Bauer? No, Gant.

Gant. It's a Gant vest. A little bit of the shoulders. You know, it's the regular like material. Yeah. Like nylon or whatever. All puffed up at the shoulders. Corduroy.

Nice. And then like little pockets. You got pockets on there? A hundred little pockets. Yeah, like a fishing net. Yeah, corduroy. Nice. And then like little pockets? You got pockets on there? A hundred little pockets. Yeah, like a fishing mat. Yeah, to put little pills in. I have, I do like, you know how they have those pill boxes

that are seven days of the week? Oh yeah, yeah. I have the first hundred days of the year. Of pills. Of pills, yeah. So it's like, okay, February 29th, wait, this is a hidden pocket. Oh, no, pills, yeah. So it's like, okay, February 29th, wait, it's a hidden pocket. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, you can see his comedy special, Miles Per

Hour, on YouTube via 800-pound gorilla. He's a very funny comedian. It's Miles Anderson. Hello, Miles. Hello, Graham. Miles Per Hour, I get it now. Yeah. Now that I say it out loud, it's your name.

Already funny. Now I should know this. Miles with a Y? Oh, of course. The traditional Welsh spelling. Oh, of Welsh extraction, are you? Have you ever been? Never. There's whales here, hey! Oh man, it's already going so good.

If you guys have you back again, I'll see you again. Bye! Who are the famous... Oh, man, it's already going so good. I'll, if you guys have me back again, I'll see you again. Yeah. Bye. Who are the famous... Yeah, bye, thanks for coming. Who are the famous Mileses from pop culture? Miles Davis?

I can tell you all of those. Yeah, yeah, do it. Because people tell me them all the time. Okay, Miles Davis. Miles Davis. And I, that's it. That's it? The Miles Tellers kind of...

Oh yeah, Miles Tellers. He's big now. Oh yeah. A lot of Mileses associated with jazz. Yes. Did you ever watch the show Murphy Brown? The Miles Tellers kind of... Oh yeah, Miles Teller. Oh yeah. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Yeah, as a kid, I feel like kids could just make fun of you by saying your name was like, they could make fun of you as a kid and be like, what are you, David Letterman or something like that? Like, just because you have the same name as somebody else, did they do that for you?

They always gave me the, oh, should we call you Kilometers? Yeah. Why would anyone say David Letterman? Just because he's a guy. Because my name is David? Yeah. Kids aren't that creative. But I think Miles is cool. Cause my name is David. Yeah. Kids aren't that creative.

But I think Miles is cool. Yeah, Miles is cool. Because it's like, wow, this guy is going places. Yeah. Jazz guys are cool. Jazz guys are cool. And kilometers suck. And kilometers do suck.

Definitely. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Miles, the last time you were on, we were via Zoom, and I forgot that I didn't give you an address to come to that you just thought it was gonna be on Zoom, which was the correct assumption.

Yes. We were at five to 11 this morning. It's like, why hasn't Miles asked me where the address is? Asked me where the address is. So when you're booking a guest, do you just play a game with cat and mouse? Well, Miles is so on top of things that I assume, oh, he'll just remember the address from last time.

Because you are, you're very put together. You're very, you're on your game. I appear that way physically. You do. The listeners, just so you know, Miles's body, ooh, it's put together. Oh yeah, absolutely. Everything's in the right place. Yeah, you don't want to listen to his album.

You want to see the special. You want to see this. What did I, I haven't had the pleasure of watching a special. What did you wear? What was your outfit for the special? Oh, I wore a- Guys, why don't we watch it right now?

We're all here. There it is. I wore a knitted polo. Okay. Knitted polo? Who knit it? Oh, probably children. I wore a knitted polo. Okay. Knitted polo? Who knit it? Oh, probably children.

But I actually do try to avoid slave shirts. And they're very expensive. It's really tough to get a natural fiber shirts that I don't want plastic. Right. I don't want an underpaid slave to make it. And it really hurts the finances. So I have like three shirts.

This is one of them. This is a good quality looking shirt. Cashmere sweater. Nice. Cashmere. I know, and I had to- And you're not too warm? I am a thin man. This is basically my layer of body fat that I don't have.

It's just the wool. I usually put a layer of wool between me and my emotions. But yeah, it's tough. It's tough out there trying to find ethical clothes and especially in Canada, there's actually quite a few US companies you can get clothes that don't have plastic or sad labor practices. I guess all my clothes have plastic in them, don't they?

Almost, yeah, a lot of them have like a blend of, what's that stuff called? Polyester? Polyester, yeah. Yeah, but I like of a polyester is it, if you have like a nice cashmere sweater, maybe you can hand that out to your children, but polyester you can hand out for generations. It's going to be around.

You can be buried in it. When they dig you up in a thousand years, they'll see how much drip you had. Yeah. Yeah. Every thousand years we like to dig people up. See what's going on down there. Yeah.

Wow, Air Jordan. Have they turned oil yet? No, okay, back in the tank you go. Do we get to know us? Are we getting to know us? Yeah. Okay, good, I'm out of my game today. Graham didn't tell the guest the address.

Graham is, before the show I told him the number of the episode three times. Yeah, I know, I'm off my game today. I think I have a bit of jet lag, which I don't usually get, but I'm really feeling it today. Oh, where were you? Our nation's capital. Oh. Yeah, where were you our nation's capital? Oh, yeah Wow, not my nation's capital. What's your nation's capital in?

uranium city Yeah, I was visiting our Minister of Defense And you know what? He's doing a really good job. How are the guns good? defense and you know what? He's doing a really good job. How are the guns? Good, good. Nice.

Polished ready to go. Perfect. He can disassemble one and assemble one without even looking at it. All right, I feel safe. Is he, is the guy in charge of our military somebody who has ever been in our military? They try to do that with like,

Right? You know, like whatever, the minister of education, they try to make them like at least a substitute teacher at one point. Yeah, yeah. The minister of, you know, women's affairs, they at least get a guy in a wig. They ladybugs it.

One of the kids in the hall. That's right, Kevin McDonald. The minister of childhood development, they have a little kid. Or just a guy like on his knees with shoes. They look like a kid. The Minister of Dorphone Golf. Yeah, so I came back from Ottawa yesterday. I'll tell you all about it later in the show.

We're talking about Miles. We're talking about Miles. Oh, okay, me, okay. Now, last time we were here, you gave us the exclusive that you're a piano teacher. Yes. Yeah. And you, I asked you, how do you get the different hands?

How do you get the hands working and doing different things? Uh-huh. And why an update? I wanna update you. Still can't do it. Oh. Sometimes I'll get the bass note going, but like, not the bass notes.

No, just the- I'll have like a- This is the way too long of a stretch between piano lessons, I feel like. Once every few months, it's not gonna give you the motivation. Well, I play, I'll play. I just don't know what I'm doing.

Yeah, these are mostly like kids that are coming every week, multiple times a week. What is the- I teach usually once a week. Once a week, okay. That tends to be enough. Some kids I teach every two weeks. Sometimes they phase out of piano lessons

and they wanna do like a soft leave. Right. And we'll stretch the lessons out until finally they're like, I think we're done. Yeah. I'm like, I could have told you that a long time ago. Have you had a student that just like, no matter what you've done just stinks?

Oh. You get it at all? Most. Most, okay. You know, I'm not a good teacher. I'm usually just one lesson ahead of the kids. Yeah. I'm usually just one lesson ahead of the kids. Yeah, just, I'm honestly, I would always be afraid if they were really good.

There's kind of like a procedure, like there's like a red telephone. I would pick up and phone my teacher and be like, we have a situation. This kid's really good. It's like in that thing you do where they get a manager and then the manager, eventually the representative becomes Tom Hanks and they're like, well, we like our old manager.

He's like, no, it's my job to get you to Tom Hanks. Right. It's Miles' job to get you to Miles Davis. Yeah. If I found a wonder kid, yeah, I would definitely take him to Motown. Get him signed right there in Detroit. Is Motown still doing stuff? Sure. It's cranking out.

They don't make cars anymore. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're not as good as they once were, sure, but they're resilient, just like Detroit. But are they like a legacy record label or are they still a record label putting out? Because I know in the 90s there were still Motown artists. Yeah, because Boyz II Men weren't they Motown?

I remember a friend of mine saying Motown at some point and me being like, yeah, Motown. I know Britney Spears was Jive Zomba. What? Jive? On the music videos it would say the artist title and then at the, it would say the artist title, and then at the bottom, it would say the name of their record label and hers would be Jive slash Zomba. Jive is such a great word. Do you guys think you could be the Jivest podcast?

Oh man, we tried. Yeah, we tried, turns out we're Zomba. Oh, it's too bad. Yeah. So tell me a bit about, because I've never shot a comedy special. Yeah. Where did you shoot it?

How many cameras? What was the procedure? Tell me everything. Well, it was at Heckler's. Okay, Heckler's Comedy Club. The home club where I was born and raised. Oh yeah, that is your home club. So it was very comfortable, lots,

at least 15 cousins in the crowd. Oh nice. And it was like three cameras. All male cousins or what are we good to make some cousins? Yeah, the female cousins kind of flee and find prosperity. Yeah, I find that the female cousin gene is recessive. The male cousins all stay and do roofs and gutters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. The male cousins all stay and do roofs and gutters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. The female cousins all, I've never seen them. No, and you know what? It's none of my business, you know what I mean? You know what, fine, you wanna see the special? I don't care. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Oh yeah, did you do, you did more than one show or did you do one?

I did two shows. Two shows, okay. And then, yeah, it's a good time. I mean, you got it, Graham. Tell me about it. Video's the future. And I think that, you know, when you're ready, I think video's gonna be good, but you really have to,

it's funny, cause a lot of comedy now is farming clips for social media. I thought you were gonna say he's farming based. And I was like, yeah, there is a good crop rotation. I do try to grow potatoes in my apartment just to offset the cost of living here. God, I remember when I was a kid. Don't worry, my potato bill's way down.

It's like the Martian, you know? I feel like I can survive. I remember when I was a kid, Brian Regan had this great bit about, he had like an uncle who the government was paying not to grow corn. I couldn't tell you anything about the bit except that it called back the end of his special and I thought it was so brilliant. Yeah yeah I remember watching a special by a guy named Ben Elton and he had a

joke that like started. Yeah that's a guy. He was involved I think in the Mr. Beanverse. Yeah I think he was in the, maybe he wrote the first episode. Yeah, and he had a thing that like, a premise that started off the show and then he looped it back at the end. And I was like, this is the best fucking thing I've ever seen to come. Was Damon Shritter's like volunteer firefighter bit, was that one of those?

That like, did it have bits in between? Yeah, yeah, and then it came back. I got to fight a fire. Yeah. Oh, well, I, man, this is perfect for about me. I end my special ends with a bit about how I was, I went to a neuropsychologist to get examined. What does that mean? Okay, yeah, so this is based in truth?

This is truth, this is a true story. Because I was, I do things like meticulously wrong. Go on. Like carefully, like, you do things like meticulously wrong. Go on. Like carefully, like, you know, like if you saw like a watchmaker with like all of like the magnifying glasses and tools and he's just like, just making a fucking nightmare. Like, and he pulls it off and it just, he made us Slinky. Like that's basically like how my brain is really bad. Now the world needs Slinky.

That means I do. So what your brain takes things apart? I do things wrong and I was doing really bad on my theory exams at school. And it was weird because I went to the, I had the theory examiner who'd, and music theory. Musical theory, yeah. Music theory.

So it was Harmony, which is like an advanced theory. So you were taking like, you'll take like a soprano voice. Graham knows this. And you'll have like the one singing voice and then they'll be like, okay, add a tenor bass and all tenors like a $10 bill. Yeah. Soprano like gangsters go on.

10 quid. 10 quid go on. And then you add those voices underneath to make it the soprano voice sound nice with harmonizations. Exactly. It's very difficult to do. Hey Tony, how's Dr. Melfi doing? Yeah, exactly.

Go on, soprano with that layer. I don't think any of them know about Dr. Melfi. See, I guess Carmella does, but that's okay. You take a piece of music and you add organized crime. Yes. Go on. I was, my teacher, I did really bad on it. He's like, he got me to mark my own exam

and I went through it. I'm like, well, this is a disaster. Like a day later, like why did I do this all wrong? Like I could the next day look at it and be like, well, whoever did this is an idiot. And he's like, that was, that's you. And he's like, you might have brain problems. And I was like, how dare you? And like, but what, what, like,

seems like you've gotten far enough in school that Well, this is a funny thing. Again, like you, you saw me, I physically look organized. You do. You look very, and I know you to be quite organized. And I can be quite organized. And it's such a, I am, I, is it was, I build the charade.

Well, I was, I, in school, I was always in trouble. I was suspended a lot in school. Suspended? Suspended. I was not a goody two shoes kid. I was like, I lit fires in elementary school. No way. Yeah. Like I was- Wow. The real makings of a criminal mastermind.

Yeah, wow. And, but they never flied me. Like kids weren't like, when you were bad in school, they were, you were just punished. Right. I mean, I talk about it in my standup. I was locked out of the class a lot of the time, just like in like a separate room and stuff.

By yourself? Yeah, by myself, cause they were like, I was a total disruptor, like totally. Like Uber. Yeah, I was like Uber or Airbnb, but I couldn't make any money. Well, what you needed was an angel investor. So, I probably should have been diagnosed with something early on.

And like my mom is with the school secretary, and so she had access to like permanent record. She had access to line one, line two. Yeah, she could phone the prime minister whenever she wanted and get me my help, but she didn't. But she refused. She refused. But anyway, so I was like a disaster in school. And so eventually I went at the music school.

They were like, you should get tested. I'm like, how dare you? And they're like, you might get grand money. How old were you at this point? I was like 20, 21. You might get grand money. Yeah, so I was like, well, this changes everything. Yeah.

So I went and got tested, and it was like nine hours over two days of this crazy test. And they were like, everything from insane tests where I was doing little spatial awareness puzzles and stuff. And then it reminds me of the Royal Tenenbaums when Bill Murray's got that one patient he's developing his whole theory on. Do you remember that? No. I remember Bill Murray being the doctor in Ghostbusters where he's making the guy,

he's zapping the one guy because he's getting the psychic things right. Oh yeah, I remember him in Groundhog Day when he also plays piano. We all remember Bill Murray. And he also plays piano. We all remember Bill Murray. But like, what were they after? So they were just like, some's wrong. We probably have ADHD or something or some sort of neurodivergent thing that's going on that is making you having these problems. And so I got tested and then I had like this thick result file and he's discussing the results with me

and he's like, you know, you're all fucked up. You definitely are gonna be getting a grant for sure. Like you're a green light for the grant, but also, you know, we did an IQ test as well in this whole thing and you may have an IQ as low as 86. Like how do you feel about that? And in my standup, I say to him, I say out of 100.

And it really is quite remarkable. Does it give you a span like maybe as low as 86, but it might be 200. No, yeah, I mean, it goes as high as maybe like one 10 or something. It's not high, but I always think it's so funny because people are obsessed with, especially nowadays with people being so hyperproductive and trying to optimize themselves. It's very funny if I reveal to people that I'm medically dumb. I'm like, you've been talking to me for like half an hour.

That means you're dumb. You're dumb. I've been a little bit of a rock-a-bye. Graham and Dave, you guys actually might be dumb. Yeah, we know. We've got like, we've been told. We've got like 1200 hours of evidence. Yeah, exactly. You did nine hours. I made a, Graham made a medically dumb guy

ride his bike super fast over here. That's one of my many tests. But what else was there that, was there like? Graham made a medically dumb guy ride his bike super fast over here. That's one of my many tests. But what else was there that was there like about you? Was there anything in there that explains why you turn your metaphor of a watch into a slinky? Like your inability to order things? Highly distractible, highly distractible, likeible, really bad, no logical thinking.

Okay. And I often find that I was like that in school, the teacher would say something, she'd be talking about the history of England and I'd be thinking about why jive is such a cool word. Yeah. I have this lesson super jive right now, which reminds me of Motown. The history of England

is boring. What's that? The history of England is boring. It is. History doesn't really get good until like. Samurai time. Yeah. Samurai times. Yeah. Then shit really gets.

Yeah. It gets cooking. Yeah. What can you tell us about samurai times? Well, here's the thing. You were, you were bound by the code of the Boshido. And if you dishonored your family, that was a, you had to kill yourself.

Yeah. Yeah. Did they ever swing their partner or did it just Boshido? Just Boshido. Now, what samurai movies have you seen? Seven Samurai. Seven. The Shanghai Noon. I've only seen Seven Samurai and maybe not The Shanghai Noon. I've only seen seven Samurai

and maybe not even the second VHS. So you saw three and a half Samurai. I saw three and a half Samurai and I've seen the Tom Cruise last Samurai. Oh yeah, right. And wasn't there one with Matt Damon as well where he played a Samurai? Yeah. The last Samurai part two.

But see what now, were you getting bad grades and that's why things were flagged or, cause I feel like I got good grades because I could memorize things, but I don't think I understood anything. But he didn't get bad, or he wasn't flagged until that one test. I wasn't flagged, yeah, I did okay in school

until like high school. Oh, I thought that you were like, sorry, I thought you were like a bad, you were delinquent. I was a bad student in university for sure. And you're starting fires in university. It was like the opposite. Most kids are like bad in high school because it's bad and they find their passion

and they get good at it. The problem with me was that I, when I went to university, I was like, I'm doing a music degree, this doesn't matter. Like I- Why are we even here? And I discovered comedy. I'm like comedy so much,

but it was crazy to do standup and be like, man, this is so much, but it was crazy to do stand up and be like, man, this is so much easier than playing classical piano. Yeah, my cousins don't even show up to my recitals. No one cares. Like, it was so insane to me that like also like people that I met in music school, like they were just unbelievably better than me. I was like, this is clearly the wrong path.

Like, I'm not just gonna, I'm not gonna whiplash myself into being the best at Bach because it also will pay somehow less than comedy. Now, did you finish your degree? I did, yeah, I got my bachelor's degree. And then that's it, you're just like, off to comedy I go. Yeah, I mean, I was doing comedy the whole time when I was at music school. And I was basically just going to music school

in the daytime to assure my grandparents I was doing something. I could live with their attic. Oh, you lived in the attic. I knew you lived with them, but okay. You had your own little apartment. It got hot up there in the summer. Did they have a piano up there?

Yeah, they had a little keyboard, but the weighted keys kind of thumped on the floor. So I had to knock it off during Antiques Roadshow. Oh, that's a three hour block on Mondays. Yeah, it was tough. Yeah, and I remember seeing you when you were very, very first starting out and you found your voice. Cause I remember at the beginning,

I was like, this guy's still looking for it. Oh yeah, it is funny when you start comedy, you just are a hack of the worst kind. Oh yeah. And you just can't help it. And it's just the filthiest. And it's so exciting. Yeah.

Yeah. It's funny, like, if I go and watch Young Comics now, they're telling the exact same jokes that every other comic has ever been telling. Oh, yeah. Totally. Permutations of the same type of jokes. And it's fun to watch because they don't know. They think this is the first person

who's come up with this. Yeah. What's the subject matter? Any, potpourri. Like how X-rated is the podcast? Oh, this, oh, I mean, we go there. We're not afraid to go there. Oh, okay, yeah.

This is like Club Random times in the year. Club Random. Okay, yeah, this is like club random time You guys big bill maher guys, yeah, yeah, what is new rules, right? What is your Did you get so this was your diagnosis and they were like, here's a grant. Yeah. But was there any like treatment? Yeah. There should be. Yeah, the tester was just like,

if we do this right, we can get a little cash out of this. Yeah, do I get 10% if I diagnose you? There was complications because when I got the grant, I was super excited and then the doctor billed me $2,600 for the exam. Shit. And I was driving a $2,600 for the exam. And I was driving a $300 Honda Civic at the time. And I was just like- You could trade that in and stuff.

To me I was thinking, I'm like, that's like so many Honda Civics. You look at the doctor's, he gave you his card, his name is Grant. Wait, was this all just a way to get you paid? Dr. Grant, just like a little dinosaur on his foot. He takes off his sunglasses when you come in. So a paleontologist diagnosed me as having 86 IQ.

Is this a dinosaur test the whole time? You're almost as dumb as a brontosaurus. Yeah, you're something of a bird brain. Every Rorschach picture I'm just like brontosaurus. Stegosaurus. Well, Dr. Grant would beontosaurus. Stegosaurus. Well, Dr. Grant would be like, this guy's smart. Yeah, he just- Were there Rorschach tests? No, there weren't.

I think not as popular anymore. Did you do, what was the coolest test? Man, the one I fixated on was he said, phone me tomorrow morning. It was like a memory test, phone me tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. And I was, that was it. As soon as he told me that,

I literally couldn't answer any weather questions because I was like, gotta test for me tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. And I was up, that was it. As soon as he told me that, I literally couldn't answer any of the other questions because I was like, God, I remember this. Oh, really? And I think maybe that was my weird brain. Like I can be very obsessive for short bursts and then can't think of anything else. But so all I did was I basically flunked every question

and then phoned him the next day, like nailed it. It's just strange. Well, I do like those. I do like those when someone, my kids specifically, learn a riddle that's like, or one of those sort of brain teasers that's like, okay, Mary has seven kids. And the first one is five. The second one is, like, three years younger. This other one, and then at the the end what was the mother's name

mary yeah i always like know that the the the the when there's a super long question the first sentence is the most important yeah and like do you ever have a test in school where the whole test was they were like read every question and then the one was like, you don't have to do the test or whatever. And then, yeah, 100%. You've told me that you had this once. Yeah, more than once. You keep writing about it. Well, I nailed it.

That's why, that was my intelligence test. I scored 100. So yeah, what, did you do anything or you had like, had to like listen for a particular pattern of sound or something like that? Yeah, music school. Is what he did.

He asked me what I wanted to do as a career in the future. Right. And I told him that I wanted to host the Tonight Show. And he wrote it in his notebook for like a minute and a half. I think that might have clinched the grant. This guy thinks he's fucking, it's Jimmy Fallon's to lose. There's no way this gets good. It's such like a new comedian thing to say.

Like that's the most like 2012 answer. Cause like, what does that like now, you know, we all want to be Joe Rogan. I mean, what are we doing this for if not? He's way more important than Jimmy whoever. But I do feel like there is a I feel like every comedian's mother when they see like oh John Stewart's leaving The Daily Show maybe you should apply. You should apply. Oh yeah. So I feel like there is a kind of adult

who believes that's possible. Yeah, of course. But like, that seems like a thing when you're starting out in comedy, you're like, that seems to be the goal, but it seems like it would actually be an awful job because you're having to have the most brainless conversations with a celebrity star.

Tell me about that, you used to play tennis. We're having the most brainless conversations right now. I know, but not with today's young rising stars. You're talking to an intellectual, an 86 level. Yeah, level 86 intellectual. Do you think that now having been in comedy, that that's still like the far off goal? Or you like that? You know what?

I could see myself in 2100 when The Tonight Show is down to three viewers hosting The Tonight Show in like the burned out remains of 30 Rock. I could probably make it. Drive an ATV down an empty, an empty main street. My spiral last of a situation. Yeah, that's right. So it's just you, one surviving cameraman. After the fungus takes over, I think.

My parents were, my parents are at the time of this recording in New York. And they went through the whole month of October. And one of the things they did was yesterday, just yesterday, they went to The Daily Show and they were telling me about it. And I was like, who hosts it now? Anyway, because I was like, I know I think Trevor Noah's done.

But then I saw that John Stewart is sometimes, I thought Roy Wood Jr. was gonna take, I don't really- Leslie Jones is in there from time to time. I'm like, who's hosting it? And my dad goes, same host they always have, Michael Kosta. Michael Kosta. Michael Kosta.

I'm like, oh yeah, I know who that is. I had no idea he was hosting. No, it's, but it does seem like that's, I don't know why that is like the common dream of like, you want to be the center of a television show, where it's just jokes all night. Well, Johnny Carson also had like the greatest gig ever because he would play, you know, tennis every morning, roll into the Tonight Show a lot, you know, look over the monologue jokes, tape for two hours and go back and have dinner with Ed McMahon.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, oh God. You think he was having dinner with Ed McMahon? And the Gambino family. He would put an envelope up to his head. Yeah. He wouldn't even know, would he even know what was coming? He would do it with the check at the restaurant.

Dinner with Rickles. Yeah, exactly. Well, and he had a deal like towards the end of his career where he was only taping like two or three days a week. Oh yeah. The rest was, he would just do to the end of the week or they would run reruns. Getting paid as much as the state of Montana.

Well, the thing is, he wanted them to stop running his reruns on Saturday night. And so NBC found this ragtag group of, they wanted them to fail. Would you ever see that movie? Yes. Miles. No, I'm a bitter jaded old man now.

Yeah. I don't have as much rosy glasses for. No, I wanna see it. I was gonna see it the other day, I ended up seeing The Substance. Which also, I won't spoil anything for you, but there is like a talk show element of it. And it is like the person who made the movie

has never seen a talk show. Maybe it's one of our mothers. You just go on there and they ask you about your life and it's all glamorous. It's funny because in remember in Joker, Robert De Niro plays the talk show host and it's like, he's never, I'm like, but you've been on talk shows.

You know what a talk show host sounds like and it's just completely like, it could have been anybody they threw in there to be a talk show host. He's so, is he really a good actor? Or have we been snowed by the fact that he made a couple of good early films? He made a lot of good early films.

Yeah. Like in early is like 25 years. Yeah. I would say up until what was his last great film? Meet the Fokker. I was going to say meet the parents. Yeah. Meet the parents was probably his last, like legit good.

Like what do you, did you, I never saw the Irishman, but people kind of make fun of him in it. Well, everybody's make fun of all in that movie and it shouldn't have been made. If it was gonna be made, it should have been made 50 years ago. There's that picture of, is it Al Pacino walking around in the giant shoes? The Laker of the Monster Shoes?

Yeah, because they've all shrunk these guys. So they needed to have like lifts to. No. Miles, do you like movies? Oh, I love movies. Yeah. Good. I just watched, I was going through a lot of 90 movies, 90s movies this summer. Because the Vancouver Film Festival was doing like decade movie themes.

OK. Last couple of years. So we went and saw 70s movie summer two years ago. Then they did 80s movie summer. And it's awesome to see like movies I've never seen before, but I get to see them on the big screen. So are these all blockbuster films or? They're like, I saw Apocalypse Now for the first time. Oh yeah.

I got to see it in theaters. And then I saw, well, I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark. I've seen that one before like a hundred times, but seeing it in a theater is really cool. To hear like the music, the John Williams music at like full blast. And then this summer they didn't do it cause they were reno-ing the theater.

So we started to watch 90s movies and I, we went through a really lot of bad ones. Who's we? Me and my partner, Justine. Hi Justine. Hi Justine. Hello Justine. So what were you, what was the meal you,

you were looking at? Comedies, action, horror? She curated a list of ones that she hadn't seen and I hadn't seen. And I watched, we watched Twister because the new Twister was coming out and I was like, Twister's a lot of fun. I've never seen Twister. Not as good as I remember. Okay, interesting. Pretty loose premise. I thought it was a list of things you hadn't seen.

She hadn't seen it. Oh, okay, it didn't have to overlap. We both hadn't seen the Sixth Sense, we watched that last week. Yeah. Spooky. That was a spooky one. And it's unfortunate, my dad spoiled that for me when I was like nine years old. Yeah, my dad spoiled it for me too. My dad would walk in, spoil a movie and be like, you can't see it because you're too young, but this is how it ends.

Just go back to me. You'll be forever too young to see this film. My mother famously spoiled that for me 20 minutes before I saw it. Yeah. Because she thought, she was under the impression, she left the movie feeling like, He spoiled that for me 20 minutes before I saw it. She was under the, she left the movie feeling like, oh, were we supposed to know that the whole time? She didn't get that it was supposed to be a twist

to the end. She's like, Dave, just don't, just so you know, someone's dead the whole time. The cable guy, we watched that one recently too. That was good. I liked the cable guy. I loved it too. Classic Jim Carrey.

He actually, he's grown on me more. I don't think I Classic Jim Carrey, he actually has grown on me more. I don't think I like Jim Carrey. Really? I don't think I ever did. Huh, I loved Jim Carrey growing up. Oh my God. Truman Show? I think that might be my favorite Jim Carrey.

I never saw it. Truman Show's good. The Truman Show is so good. Like when he first came around, because he was on In Living Color, I thought he was the funniest thing alive when he was on In Living Color. And then like he got a movie, he was like, he got on Living Color. And then he got a movie.

He was like, he got a movie? Fire Marshall Phil's got a movie. Yeah, no, he's always a big fan. But the cable guy nearly derailed his whole career because he was doing these very silly comedies and then that one's kind of dark a bit. And it was a big deal that he would made $20 million for. $20 million, can you imagine? The 90s was the Jim Carrey rule supreme.

It's weird, they wrote him a $20 million check, but they buried it with his dad. Who's his dad? You gotta dig this up if you want a kid. It's okay, he's wearing polyester clothes. It's okay. That's him. But you hadn't seen the Cable Guy before?

I hadn't seen the Cable Guy, I hadn't seen Election. Cable Guy was- You just did Matthew Broderick's okay. That's him. But you hadn't seen the Cable Guy before? I hadn't seen the Cable Guy. I hadn't seen Election. You just did Matthew Broderick's movies. I just did Matthew Broderick's movies. You see these actors that were just, they were in every movie in the 90s. It's crazy. Like they had big, they were movie stars back then. Yeah, Matthew Broderick was a bona fide movie star. Yeah, I was, I thought Cable Guy was super funny.

Like Jim Carrey is just so like, absurdly over the top. I feel like too, like, I just love how free he is. Like you don't really see that kind of weird performance. And he's also like- From Glenn Powell. No, Glenn Powell. There's a clip that kind of goes around and it's Jim Carrey at a party with 50 Cent and he does

this really crazy dance and 50 Cent can't, he loses his mind, he's laughing. So of course. I'm just so used to him being so serious and Jim Carrey just cracking him up. I'm sure if I was at a party with Jim Carrey I'd love him. Absolutely. Do you ever, you've seen that clip of him when he like accepts the award at the MTV movie awards like the hippie character? Oh my God, no. Oh my God. Oh my God, it's so good.

No. He goes up like he's a full like, like sixties biker guy and he, he goes up like he's a full like 60s biker guy. And he goes up and does this whole character. And oh, it's really good. I won't say his name. You've seen Diamond Dumberjay, right? Yeah. What do you think? It's good.

I think I like the jokes in it, but I don't like him. Oh. Like I don't like, I hate Ace Ventura. Wow. Yeah, well that's mostly him. Yeah. There's very little else going on. I mean, he totally is a divisive man.

I can understand why. But like, I didn't realize it until recently. And I was thinking back, I was like, wow, kids were like doing impressions of him in school. Yeah, yeah. He was pretty jive. He was for me. He was jive Zamba, man.

I, my equivalent of that was Adam Sandler. I kind of never understood why people loved Adam Sandler so much. But now you do. Yeah, yeah. Now they've gone back and done a retrospective. QB Halloween. I was like, oh yeah, I get it. Now that he's taken a few months off from making movies.

No, he hasn't. He makes a movie every three months. Yeah. It must be for him just like almost relaxing at this point making movies like it doesn't, nothing would stretch him out. He's got people that does every part of it. He seems pretty relaxed.

He does seem really relaxed. If the shorts are any indication. We dig up his body a thousand years just perfectly preserved huge shorts. There's Adam Sandler, the famous. He put in the Smithsonian. These are Adam Sandler's famous basketball shorts. There's Adam Sandler, the famous. They put in the Smithsonian. These are Adam Sandler's famous basketball shorts. The Kevin Smithsone.

That's if they have hockey jerseys. Backer tats. Yeah, he's really locked in on that one look. No matter what. Yeah, he's so skinny now. He lost all that weight. Sandler? No, Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith, yeah, because he had a heart attack.

So. Oh yeah. It's a great diet. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. So what was the tops of the 90s? What was the best? We really liked Election. Election's good. Yeah, that was really right.

Election's classic. Sixth Sense was really good too. I thought that was a good good. Yeah, that was really good. Election's classic. Sixth Sense was really good too. I thought that was a good movie. Yeah. And Twister. That was it. That was it, the three bigs. What would you say is your favorite 90s movie?

Ooh, that's a really good question. I mean, it's probably. Shawshank for me. Yeah? Shawshank Redemption. Mm, mm. Yeah, it's very good. 90s movie.

I don't think I've ever sat down and watched all of it at once. I would catch it. I think it's a nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice,

nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, And it's not because it's particularly great, but I just like the flow of it. Like I can just put it on in the background.

You put it above Goodfellas, because I think that's also a nice movie. Goodfellas. Goodfellas. I mean, logically no, but... Emotionally, yes. Emotionally, yes. Yeah, I feel like if I was going to list them, it would be such like... cheesy, like, all right, it would be such like cheesy,

like, all right, like you're such a boy because you love Seven. Seven. Seven really set the plate for the gore, your saws and whatnot, your hostiles. That was really like the first. But like, yeah, my whole list would be like Seven and Goodfellas and just boy movies.

Yeah, yeah, G.I. Joe Street Fighter. Toy Story was so huge for me. Oh, yeah. I'm the same age as Andy in that movie. They aged him chronologically, like when the next movies came out. So when I was 18, and they did Toy Story 3 Andy in Toy Story was 18 and when I saw Toy Story 3 it was like the most emotional experience And it was the end of like a pretty

Good trilogy. It was and then they were like, you know what we're doing this rocky style. We're going We're doing five. We're doing six. Yeah, I didn't I haven't watched anything I haven't watched past Toy Story 3 because I thought it was such a good- They've just done four and Lightyear, right? Yeah, and I feel like Lightyear is when they would scrub from the record. And they didn't bring Tim Allen back. No, because Chris Pratt needs to be every voice.

No, the crew was Chris Evans, wasn't it? I thought it was Pratt Dog. I think it was Evans Dog. Evans Dog, okay. But it wasn't the idea that like, this would have been the TV show that the toy was based on. Yeah, but it's like, why wouldn't he have the same voice?

Yeah, that's true. But I could also see people not wanting to work with Tim Allen. He probably is a pretty abrasive. Well, you know what his reason before it would be? What? That's why he's in trouble. Cause he said that being a conservative in Hollywood is like being a Jew in Nazi Germany.

So I feel like that's a real recast opportunity. I literally thought you were going to make a joke. You know why he didn't want to do it? Because it needed more power. It didn't think you were gonna bring receipts. It's a sad reason. I keep track. He was on the list for Jokes Explained.

Yeah, that's maybe one of my top movies, the Santa Claus of the 90s. I, hey, man, he's- Saw it in the theater. He's an artist. It was, oh man, like Tim Allen when I was growing up, I hated him so much. I hated him, I mean, I was growing up, I hated him so much. I hated him. I mean, I watched it, but I hated it.

Then we would get a movie a week to watch on Friday or whatever. One time it was the Santa Claus. I was so mad. I was like, I hate this so much. There's a scene- There's that guy you like. There's a scene where they do a silly walk or a silly walk dance that is just like, oh, this is making my skin crawl. I hate this guy so much.

Oh, that's tough. Because the whole gag was, hey, I'm fat all of a sudden. That was the whole running gag of the movie. And then a little bit of Santa Claus lore here and there. Jingle All the Way. Now that's a 90s movie. Yeah. I watch every year. I've never seen that. You've never seen Jingle All the Way?

You both haven't seen it? No. There's certain ones that I'm like, if I didn't like Will Ferrell, I would never have seen Elf. Like I was too old for it. Yeah. But because, yeah, so like I never saw Jingle All the Way because it was a kid's movie and it came out when I was wanting to be a grown up. Yeah, you were watching Seven. That was your favorite Christmas movie. You're watching seven that was your favorite You guys ever considered that maybe diehard is like sort of in the pantheon of Christmas movies What an office party on Christmas Eve I think that you do Good night everybody I'm gonna go to the office

Good night everybody, I'm gonna go to the office. Sugar plums and all that. If you do film a Stanis special, Grant make it a Christmas special please. Oh yeah. You get the returning. Even just mention Christmas. No, but you're right, do a full Christmas special, a special and then yeah, every year they,

cause you know that's the thing every time somebody makes a Christmas movie, like, will this be the one? Will this be the next? Jingle all the way. Jingle all the way. More like a Christmas song. You're like, well, they're gonna play this on the radio. There's gonna be radio stations devoted to Christmas music,

and they're not gonna care that this is the 80th best Christmas song. Because the last one that was like a modern that stuck was Mariah. Mariah. And then never since, but it's possibly attainable because she was able to do it. She's a contemporary artist.

So maybe there was- And in the 80s, there were a ton. I mean, there were five. Name them. Well, last Christmas. Yeah. Wonderful Christmas time. Nice.

Do they know it's Christmas? Oh, yeah, that's a good list so far. Boy. So this is Christmas? Is that one of them? No. The 70s? Yeah.

Well, John Lennon didn't really live very long in the 80s, did he? Yeah, that's true. Did he, mate? And you know what? I three was pretty good. The three I named? so really good. Yeah. This is a perfect opportunity for me to plug my Christmas song go on that I wrote. And years ago, I wrote me and my friend

Brian wrote it. It's all right. We wrote it for Scientologists on Christmas. It's called one billion years of Christmas. Available everywhere now. Is it on Spotify? Yeah. Is it on? It's on Spotify, yeah. Is it on Spotify? Yes. It's such a big genre that there even are a bunch of like classic comedy Christmas songs.

Oh yeah. Oh, I love Christmas with Bob and Eug McEnser. Yeah. All time great. Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Oh yeah. It's the Christmas donkey. Is that considered a comedy song?

Do you know the Christmas donkey song? It's a song by Lou Monte, Dominic the donkey. You were, I literally hadn't heard of it. Which one is this? It's, okay, strap your brain in for this 86. It's called Dominic the Donkey by Lou Monte. It goes, jiggity-ching, hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw.

It's Dominic the Donkey, jiggity-ching, hee-haw, hee-haw, the Italian Christmas Donkey. That's a real song. And I only learned about it as an adult. And it's not a comedy song. It's not a comedy song. It's like, I feel like it's an effort to make the next great character like Rudolph or Frosty.

Dominic the Italian Christmas donkey. I feel so bad, because last time I was here, we talked about Good King Wenceslas. We gotta talk about this. How did this happen? He's one of the great Christmas characters, Good King Wenceslas. You know somebody's got the rights

to the Christmas donkey, the Christmas clay man, peddling it, yeah the Christmas donkey. The Christmas claim, they're peddling it. Yeah. Christmas donkey. Are you gonna do a 2000s curated list? Oh, for early 2000s, those are great movies too. I think that was a great era, 1990 to 2010 was like a good 20 year stretch. Yeah.

Until the, and then the financial crisis really took the wind out of. Out of Hollywood. Out of Hollywood. They had a lot of money tied up in houses. Yeah, it was, I don't know, I love the early 2000s comedies. I love Superbad. Oh yeah, Superbad's great. Majed Apatow Run was pretty fun. Like those dramedies.

Yeah. Knocked up. I could give or take the, take or leave rather. The one with Jason Segel and Paul Rudd where they're trying to make, trying to be best friends. What was that one called? Oh, were bros before hoes. I love you man.

Yeah, I love you man. Sure wasn't bros before hoes. I thought that was pretty funny. Yeah, that's a good era. There's the, you know, all the Ashton Kutcher's. Lord of the Rings was early 2000s. Oh yeah. Yeah. Does that? Yeah, I saw them all.

I it's my record was falling asleep to it all three times in the theater, in the theater. Oh, I just can't keep track. You know, I have I have apparently weapons great ADHD Will sit through those movies every time and feel like one of the hobbits What is great was that part of the test like you have the government? Don't unleash the riddler You come up with some sort of new code that is unbreakable. These bullets are zigging off you.

He just won't focus on the bullet so he's impenetrable. Keep moving to look at different stuff. Dodge a heavy bullet. Oh, what's this? What's this? Or you're hurt but your brain doesn't recognize it and is doing other things. He just keeps going. I can't remember, I've been shot. I just keep going.

I'm sorry, I can't die. I've got to call my doctor tomorrow at 10am. Oh shit. Was the doctor like, who is this? Oh dude, he was so mad at me. Was he like, well, oh, the 10 a.m. wasn't the important part. Yeah, but did he not give you a check mark for doing that? Or was he like, you failed the test by calling me? He did seem busy.

I can't think he was. Who is this? He wasn't expecting me to remember. He's like, there's no way. I wasn't expecting you to live through the night. I can't think he was expecting me to remember I wasn't expecting you to live through the night. I can't believe this guy drove home safely Who is this? Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho Ho, ho, ho, ooh. Could we get you to do a ho, ho, huh? Just for the promo. Oh man, Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Well, I did see that scary movie about the substance, but I'm not gonna talk about- But you said that it was less scary and more gross. It's very gross. Yeah. But I want you to see it. I'm gonna go see it. You wanna see it?

I'm gonna see it in the theater, yeah. So I don't wanna talk about it. What is going on with me? Well, oh yeah, so last week we had this huge atmospheric river. Yes. Well, I left as it was starting. Right.

Yeah, so I saw the early parts of it and then I was like, I'm out of here. And then it was crazy flood. It was, yeah, it was like the sixth, the rainiest day ever in Vancouver or something. And it was, you know, in October. So all the leaves were falling. And then I had to walk the dog that morning

or the dogs that morning. And I, so I was waiting for- Just float them out the door. Have to walk them dog that morning or the dogs that morning. And so I was waiting. Just float them out the door. I have to walk them. I was waiting for like a break in the storm before I walk them. And so it kind of like led up for a bit. And one thing when there's a big storm in the fall is they say, keep an eye out for storm drains, like leaves go in the fall is they say keep an eye out for storm drains like leaves go in the

storm drains then no water can get down and there's these huge puddles and flooding everywhere and they're also like the Chuds need water so make sure you get the leaves out of there so the Chuds can get you know and of course the Ninja Turtles want to keep their pizza wet. That'd be great if there was Canada in the pizza, is that to be wet? Sewer pizza. Are they ordering the pizza? Are they stealing the pizza?

In the movie. Is it being delivered? It can fit down the grate. Yeah, yeah. In the movie, the first scene I think is them putting a pizza through the grate and then him giving I don't know where they get money they just get money that's fallen down the sewer I don't know man. Grant money. According to this you have an IQ of cowabunga. This can't be right.

Now all four of you score differently you do machine you are a party dude anyway so I'm walking the dogs and I see a puddle and I go and I kind of like I'm wearing boots and but they're only ankle boots so I don't want to go too deep in a puddle. And I'm just kicking. Beetle boots. I wear my beetle boots. They have big heels on them. And I'm kicking the leaves out and it's cool.

And I put the leaves up on the curb. This little puddle drains down. I'm feeling good about myself. I keep walking. I go up to a very quiet street over by the children's Hospital, and there is the hugest puddle. And I'm like, oh, I'm not going to be able to get this.

And I kind of like look through it, look through the water, and I see this big clump of leaves. And I'm like, I get my boot in there, and it's too deep, so I don't want water rushing into my boot. So I reach down with my hand and I start pulling leaves out. This is like George with the, with the whale. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And so, and there, like there were no cars or people on the street as far as I knew. Right. And so I just start pulling the leaves out and then suddenly, like a whirlpool forms. A whirlpool. And I'm like, okay, this is and then suddenly, like a whirlpool forms

and I'm like, okay, this is it. I'm watching the whirlpool. I'm loving it. It's such a satisfying feeling. And I'm like, I'm just going to stand here for the next three minutes and watch this huge puddle empty out. And I'm loving it. And then a woman walks past and says, I think a stick would work better than your hands.

And I go, ah ha ha. Ah ha ha. You don't know what I'm doing here, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And so she walks away and I just keep zoning out, watching this whirlpool. And then 30 seconds later,

I noticed her coming back with a giant branch and I'm like oh no no I got it don't worry about it and she doesn't listen to me and she just jams it in there Wow and it ruined my day I ruined my experience of looking at this whirlpool I was gonna see it drain and then she made it so that it wouldn't drain anymore? No, no, she was wanting it to drain faster, I guess. Right. But I don't know, I didn't stick around.

As soon as she stuck it in there, I was like, well, my fun's over. Yeah, well, that sucks. Also, she was scaring my dogs with a giant branch. Yeah, and you can give this to your dogs later. They love branches. So she was trying to help, but she really didn't help. Because I was the helper.

When I was leaving, because I wasn't going to walk in the rain to take the train. So I got an Uber and the Uber driver did not help me with my suitcase. So I was like, kiss your tipped butt. He was a disruptor. He was a disruptor. Absolutely. Did you really not tip him? Yes, because it's like I'm standing in a bike parked in a puddle

He could have parked farther up the road where there wasn't a bottle crane. You gotta tip these people Well, you're here's your tip help me with my bag Your star ratings gonna go down You know what if you've got a sterling star rating you haven't lived That just shows you haven't had a life, you know? You guys wanna know my star rating? Do you know yours? Yeah, man.

How do you find that out? I don't know. I'll check it out. Let me look it up. Well, you need to use this as a stick. That's a... What a... You know... What a bitch. Well, she was trying to be helpful. Yeah, yeah, I know, but get your own hole. Yeah, exactly.

She was jealous. There's plenty of puddles around here you could help with. Yeah. Never really occurred you to the... Maybe she was hitting on you. She can have me. That's kind of a neat cute over a puddle. I don't have Uber on my phone, so we're not going to find this answer, but it was in the

upper... It's out of five, right? Yeah. Your upper fours? force was in the sixes. Whoa You're such a good customer. Yeah, you broke our rating system. You're our best customer they say I Think it was in the 490s 4.9. That's nice. I don't know what my I don't know what what is a good score. I guess 490 is good. Yeah. Yeah. If it's out of five. Well, I got IQs out of a hundred.

Yeah. Do I have it yet? I'm downloading it. Do you do any puddle related activities while it was an atmospheric river here in the city? No, I mostly just sheltered in place. That's smart. Yeah, it was good.

It was staying cozy. It was cozy time. It was cozy. Here's what we did. Because it was the week of Thanksgiving, all my family was away. And so the weekend that we actually did Thanksgiving was when the atmospheric river was here.

And so I made pumpkin pies for my family. Delicious. And then I had extra pumpkin leftover. I made a pumpkin loaf. Nice. Wow. And then at that same weekend, we carved jack-o-lanterns. So I also made pumpkin seeds. Wow. Wow.

I was just like- Seeds of the gourd. Look at you go. I was like the orange guy. I was like that jolly orange man who visits every year. And do I want to rate them? Yeah. Yeah. I gotta go pie number one. Pie number one, loaf number two.

Loaf number two and seeds number three. Well, the seeds are always there for you though. You grab a handful. Yeah. Are you a pumpkin pie guy? I don't mind pumpkin pie. It's not one of my favorites. What's your top pie? Apple still is my favorite. Apple's the classic? I don't mind pumpkin pie. It's not one of my favorites. What's your top pie?

Apple still is my favorite. Apple is the classic. I can't go wrong. Yeah, people come back to Apple. And chicken pot. 4.96. But where does it say? Does it just say on your?

Okay, you go to your account there. Yeah. And then right there it says your name and your star rating. It says our best customer. All our customers are our best customers. There's a note from Mr. Uber himself. Oh, 4.97.

What, really? Yeah. Wow, no tipping then. Wow. Didn't hurt you. Yeah, that guy, he was in the wrong as far as I'm concerned, but I don't need them to always help, but this is an emergency situation.

We should all be banding together and helping our fellow man, you know? Well, you help him I did by getting in the super What did you rate him out of five? Oh, I am I rating I gave him a five. I give everybody a five Okay. Yeah, but tip You know, I'm and I tip everything but this was like you parked in the rye and you won't pull ahead Mm-hmm, and I'm getting my shoes wet. I'm going on a plane

Sitting and soaking wet shoes. That's not good. Yeah. Anyway, so we've been having a great time In the rain we made a rain man Was that in your 80s movies? Rain man, they didn't actually play that one. It's too bad. They didn't? I probably would have connected. Yeah, it's... I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it, like, when it came out, I think.

Is it a Best Picture winner? It was definitely a Hoffman... Oscar for... Oscar. Actor Oscar. Yeah. I saw it on TV. Isn't that such a weird time that doesn't happen anymore when you would just watch like

30% of a movie that was on TBS. And then you'd be like, meh. You just like, and then just you get hit by too many like sock and boppers commercials and you're like, I'm walking away. We were watching. So weird that we don't have that anymore. TV also used to have like the five o'clock movie.

Yeah. Do you have, either of you have Plex? Yes. No. I don't know what it is. You don't have it? Well, we have have, either of you have Plex? Yes. No. I don't know what it is. Wait. You don't have it? Oh, we have it, but I don't know how it works.

Did you say Plex or Plaque? Do you have Plaque? Yes. Do you remember, do they still sell Plaque? I don't know, but I remember. It was like a mouthwash for before you brushed your teeth. And it was red, maybe? Oh, maybe that would have colored your Plaque red

and then you brushed it off. I have a commemorative plaque. For what? From the brain doctor. Biggest whirlpool. Oh, fuck, you made the best one. 2019 Atmospheric River, biggest whirlpool plaque. I have one that says Uber's best customer,

second best customer, apparently. And yeah, so we have Plex, which is a streaming service that I don't understand. Abby's hairdresser gives her access to his movie library. Wow. So this is like, you gotta know somebody who knows something. But there's also other stuff on there that, surely not everyone has access

to Abby's hairdresserers, movie library. My brother has it. He's connected to somebody as well. Yeah. I don't know how it works. Are you connected to somebody? Is that how it works? I've got my own Plex server.

You do? Oh yeah. So are people connected to you? Can I be connected to your Plex? You could be, I believe so. My brother has one as well, it's better. It's mine, but twice as big. Can you connect me with him?

Is that a way? Yes. We get you on that Plagg. We'll get you on a Plagg's Plagg. Yeah, I wanna get on Plagg's. But why you fear is there's too many options then. Then it's infinite. Well, it's good if there's something that,

honestly, it's just like, oh, you don't wanna subscribe to Five Streaming Services. Yeah. Here's some guy's book, got them all in his server. Yeah. But anyway, they also have just like Plex Selects. Last night, I turned on Plex and I was like, watch The Crush with Alicia Silverstone.

Don't have to tell me twice. And Carrie Elwes. Oh, yeah. And is she, is it kind of a Lolita type story? I thought it was too, but Abby was like, no, she's just insane and obsessed with him. Yes. Well now I want to, that's, now that's what I want to watch. But it's very, it's like the first five minutes that he's driving around Vancouver in quote unquote Seattle. It's a really great blast from the past.

I watched Jason Takes Manhattan, which I think was Friday the 13th, part eight, and it was shot in Vancouver. Boy, is it ever shot in Vancouver. The train is definitely the SkyTrain. You're like, that's a Vancouver looking alley. I think they maybe shot for a day in Times Square where they got like that kind of B-roll footage of Jason walking around Times Square.

And then the rest of it was shot either here and a lot of takes place on a boat. So it's somewhere in the Georgia straight. But yeah, so yeah, that was sort of the most recent experience I had watching a movie randomly. Like, oh, for the crush. Yeah. They want me to watch the crush. Like, oh, for the crush.

Yeah. They want me to watch the crush, okay. Yeah, and I would. What's going on with you? I, like I said, I left town just in time to avoid this whole wet extravagance. I went to our nation's capital and the weather, lovely. Brought a coat, didn't use it the whole time.

Wow. At night, it was like 21 degrees at night. That's actually not good. It was nice. whole time I was there. At night, it was like 21 degrees at night. That's actually not good. It was nice. Yeah. It was nice. And yeah, so here are my, this is what my Ottawa thing. I wanted to go to a deli.

I was doing a show there. And thank you for everybody who came to the show at the Laugh Lounge, the Byward Market. I went to a diner during the day and it said it was 24 hours. And so I ate lunch there and I was like, I asked the server, I was like, it's 24 hours, right? He's like, yeah.

I was like, okay, I'm gonna come back and we get one of those pouties later on. He was like, yeah. And then after the show, I went 11 PM closed. Guy mopping up inside. All the chairs had been stacked. I was like. Did he misunderstand your question?

I don't know, but the sign even says, Dunn's famous 24 hours diner. So obviously I was super pissed that that happened. I was trying to get a authentic routine. Do you ever talk to a person older than you who's like, yeah, they call it 7-Eleven because it was only open from seven to 11. Yeah, it was, right? Yeah, they went the other way. They they call it 7-Eleven because it was only open from seven to 11. Yeah, it was, right?

Yeah, they went the other way. They kept their name 7-Eleven, but went 24 hours. But yeah, so I got screwed over poutine-wise. Boy, I love late night food. In another city? Oh my God, yeah. In my own city, no way. Also, they're so close to Quebec

that their poutine is right on the, it's perfect. A Jason poutine. Yeah, it's a Jason poutine. A Jason Dix Manhattan. And there was like, it's something you don't hear in Vancouver lives just walking down the street and hearing people speak French. It's a real- Romantic.

Yeah. Very fall. Very fall, yes. The Canadian French, the most romantic of all the Frenchs. Oh. Yeah, you do hear it here a bit. Yeah. There's a little community of French people. Yeah.

And they're smoking, riding bicycles. Isn't there a French center here somewhere? Yeah, the Seventh Aéron's like a French center here somewhere. Yeah, the 7th arrondissement. Yes. Yeah. You go see a French play there, perhaps on Marionette. Perhaps some weird performance art where they spit in your face. The commemorative plaque to Gerard Depardieu.

The Francis Greatest Actor. Did you ever see, I saw this picture of young Gerard de Pardue. Really? Yeah. Hubba hubba. Really? Yeah. Wow. Okay. Well that only makes sense because how, you know what I mean? Like why was this goblin such a movie star? I gotta tell you, this weather, this is the weather we've been having lately,

cloudier than Gerard de Pardo's piss There is It was this one No Dave clicked on it and went back to a picture of modern-day Okay, it was a movie he made with Robert De Niro of all the movies called 1900. Okay. And there's a just a picture of him sitting on the set.

Okay, you got to get Robert De Niro to the search term. There. This one. Oh, yeah, look at it. He's a little babe. Yeah, I could see it. He's got a kind of a Looking guy, but yeah, I could say rogue kind of a handsome rogue. Yeah, he's in long underwear. Yeah

Anyway, did you see him and no he wasn't there he was out of town I you know for all I know I walked past some minister of something, you know, walking out on the street. People say Ottawa is a boring town. I've had nothing but good times in Ottawa. Yeah, and I, although somebody wrote to me and said, I can't believe you're coming back to town after you and Dave were there and made so much fun about how boring it is.

So apparently we were on record a second. It was boring. Well, okay. It's boring. Yeah. But I've had nothing but fun. No, it's fun. Remember when there was like that summertime outdoors, like beer garden.

Yep. In a field over the, looking over the river. Yeah. And you could see the parlor buildings. It was great. And yeah, I stayed in the like hustling, bustling, byword market. That's where all the bars and so I went, I was like, I'm in the like hustling bustling byward market. That's where all the bars and

So I went I Was like I'm gonna get a drink so when I got a drink at a bar and there's like the place is littered with fake Irish and English pubs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like there's one there boring There's one that says it's the oldest bar in Ottawa and I went there and I have no trouble believing That's the oldest bar in Ottawa and I went there and I have no trouble believing that's the oldest bar in Ottawa But then I went to another you do have trouble believing that other place was open 24 hours. Yeah, unfortunately you did believe it I did believe it suckered into it but I got nachos at this place and

I asked the guy was like is it like good amount of cheese or should I get extra cheese? He's like, it's probably extra cheese. I was like, all right. He brings it out. If I didn't order extra cheese, this thing would have had zero cheese on it. And it had spaghetti sauce on it. What? Yeah. Nachos with spaghetti sauce.

Well, they are very close to Quebec, but they're very far from Mexico. But, uh, yeah, like I thought at first I was like, this is some sort of salsa that they put on here. Nope, unmistakable spaghetti sauce. Spaghetti sauce on nachos, can you imagine? And when you say spaghetti, you mean marinara or alfredo? Oh God, can you imagine?

They put both on, it's like sour cream and salsa. And this guacamole, that's pesto. It was honestly, I've never given up on a snack faster than just like, well, I'm not eating this. This is disgusting. I can't. Would you complain? No, I was just like, I gotta get it.

I don't want my fake Irish pub rating to go down. Yeah. I do like when you get, I don't like complaining but I I'm okay if they know I didn't like it Yeah, like it's just from looking at it. Oh, he ordered all that and ate one bite I did one time send back nachos because they were like it was just I didn't belong to you So yeah, I had that So yeah, I had that. Tell me why you sent back those nachos. Oh, because it was like,

everything was all chips. Like there was no cheese stuff, there was none of the good stuff that you... So I told them, I was like, you gotta do better than this. This is... cause you're paying a lot of money for a plate of nachos, which is just chips and cheese. So if I'm paying $26 for a plate of nachos. I'm always hesitant to order extra cheese on anything because who knows?

Yeah, exactly. Who knows what the original cheese amount was? Yeah, and that's like, that's why I got the bartender's suggestion. He said, oh yeah, you go with the extra cheese. I tell it to all my best customers. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He looks you up and down. You seem like a real cheese man. Yeah, sit down and let me just, I mean, the cheese wasn't very good either. It was just, it was a nightmare. So no 24 hours, bad spaghetti sauce on chips, old bar.

And then, so then- Well, so you were mad that the oldest bar was old? No, I guess I'm happy about that it had like a copper bar, which I you don't see very often like Which I assume is Been there forever. Yeah, sure, but if it had been there forever, would it have turned green? Why wrong about that copper is it copper or brass? Hmm might be brass. Now if you wipe it down That's right. Yeah run the tight ship at that bar. Have you ever been to Ottawa? No

You're gonna love it it's boring, but I love it nice. This is does it seem organized Like that, um But yeah, do you like embassies? Oh, yeah, so cool. So many flags. Yeah. Here's the thing too. I had to go to a theater for the debaters. Yeah. Had to be there for 4 p.m. And it turns out rush hour in Ottawa, 3 p.m.

Whoa. Like getting stuck completely on a highway for half an hour. Well, they gotta get to the deli before it closes. Yeah. Or 24 hour deli's gonna close at four. Once this mop comes out, you're not getting any corned beef. So you did this, you booked yourself a show because you were getting a flight out there

for the debaters. Yeah. Have you done that before? No, it seemed like a good idea. It's a good idea. Yeah, but then I also have to put myself up in a hotel and then your bar just becomes a lot thinner. But you're there. You get out there for free.

Yeah, and I get an extra day to enjoy all the sights, sounds, smells of Ottawa. Did we, have we done that with like a live podcast? No, we tried to do a tour just we're like well if we're go no I think what it was is we went to they flew us out to JFL and we're like we'll fly ourselves back through other cities. Right. Something like that. Yeah yeah yeah yeah it's uh didn't make any money. Well I didn't make any money out any money But it was fun the Laugh Lunch is really like a cool club. It's an independent kind of thing And so I had a lot of fun and then flying back. This is a lot of people don't know this Like Porter air is a new new airline here in Canada. It's really scale

Making the big airlines blood boil. There's a new kid on the block. Have you flown Porter yet? I've heard they're, are they fancier? They're fancier and they're just like, they're hip. Are they out west at all? I don't know where they're, like, I know people have taken it out west, but. Do they fly to the downtown airport in Toronto?

That's a good question, probably, yeah. The Billy Bishop? I don't know. in Toronto? That's a good question, probably, yeah. The Billy Bishop? I don't know. But Porter, because they're a disruptor in the airline business, they give away free booze

on the flight. Wow. So in response, Air Canada has started giving away free booze on their flight. Wow. And when they started doing that, Porter took out an ad in a paper or whatever and said like Way to way to join the 21st century grandpa like that kind of thing. They made fun directly of Air Canada

I do like the idea of taking it out in the paper Such a big thing yeah, yeah or a billboard Hey my ass on Fifth Avenue, and everyone's laughing at me. But this is the thing, somebody told me about it and said like, they don't advertise that they're doing this, but if you ask for a drink, it's complimentary. So- Who doesn't advertise?

Air Canada? Air Canada. They don't say upfront like, hey, drinks on us or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Is it every flight or just the ones that Porter also does? That's a good question. Just the roots of Porter-Eras. I don't know, I don't know any of how this works.

I know if you ask for it, they'll give it to you for free. Wow. Yeah, so not bad. My flight was seven o'clock in the morning coming back and I fell asleep on the flight. I woke up because the woman next to me had dumped a can of beer on my lap. Oh, seven in the morning!

Seven in the morning, yeah. Oh my God. No. Yeah. Where were you in the flight? An hour in maybe. Okay, you were over Toronto. Like I'm surprised the airline would be like,

oh no, we don't, we give it away for free, but not until 11 a.m. Yeah. Having, you know. Mimosa's. Yeah, morning drunks on our flight. So yeah, and I've never had that happen before in all my years of flying.

I've never had somebody spill. What kind of beer? Yeah, Molson Canadian. Oh, the best. Yeah. Oh. I'd be so upset. Yeah.

I just, being wet. Being wet, yeah. And also like. Did you, I presume you didn't tip this woman sitting next to you. I did. Her rating went, yeah, on Cedar or what would be the name? But yeah, so I got beer dumped on me

and then I was like, she gave me her scarf to sit on. Yeah, I thought it was trade insurance information. They should cover this. Because you need about $100,000. Yeah, I'm insured with Levi's, don't worry. It's okay, these pants are polyester though. It's gonna be right off back under your seat. She gave me her scarf to sit on, I was like, that's fine.

There's nothing else you can do, you know what I mean? You're just gonna smell like beer. Did you take it? Yes, of course. You sat on her scarf? Did you fart? Yep. I made sure to sit right, of course. You sat on her scarf? You sat on her scarf? Did you fart? Yep.

I made sure to sit right, like get as much of my crack as possible. You were like, okay, if she got beer, can I get a can of beans? Beans are extra, they're not free. What? They're on Porter. Porter's giving free beans.

But so then I fell back asleep and then I woke up. There's probably another hour later, she's drinking some wine. She's got a big thing. They give her a little bottle of wine. So she's drinking, what would be a glass of wine? Well, it's eight in the morning probably you're done, but she's like, well, it's five in the morning in Vancouver

where I'm headed. I've got to be drunk for breakfast. It's five o'clock somewhere. It's five o'clock somewhere. Wow. So I was like, okay, well, sure. I mean, in fairness, she didn't get a lot of that first drink that she was drinking.

And then I was just kind of- And mixing beer and wine, always great. Yeah. Yeah. And then she finishes that wine and then the fucking flight attendant comes by, she gets another glass of wine, this lady. Graham.

So she's soused by the time we landed. Judge not lest you be judged. Sure. But even when I was, when we landed at the airport, I think like the bars were just opening up in the airport. And like, even they were like, no, we're not going to. Was she, how old was she? She was probably in her late sixties.

Oh, give her a break. Yeah, that's true. It's hard to be that old. She, and then she tried making a conversation with me. I was like, absolutely not. This is. Maybe she's the minister of beer and wine. Heading home.

Part of my party cabinet. I heard alcoholic. My liquor cabinet. She. Yeah. I mean, you'd think she would get if she was the minister of beer and wine. And she like she's not paying for it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's on my tax dollar. She's not paying for it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's on my tax dollar? Fuckin' anyways. So I met a really nice old lady. Seems a little tipsy, but. But yeah, that was my whirlwind romance between me and Ottawa. So, still thinking about you Ottawa.

You're not boring, you're actually fun. You are actually fun. And Bywood Market is like a cool, there's a lot of cool shops and fun little bars and things going on in the square. But you know, I felt bad that I was there while this atmospheric river was happening in my own town. Oh no, it's okay. Yeah, but it felt bad for everybody.

We did feel a little short on manpower. Yeah. Well then a lady short on manpower. Yeah. Uh. But then a lady came by with a giant branch. Yes. Yes. Uh. Well, uh, so we do like Ottawa.

Yes. We'll badmouth a Canadian city off the air after we take a break. Yeah. A different Canadian city. Yeah. We're looking at you, Oshawa. No, Oshawa's great, we kid, we kid.

Yeah. You're doing really good work there, Oshawa. Phil Hanley's. Phil Hanley's home town. Well, should we move on to some overheard? Sure. You never know what you'll learn more about on the Celebrity Trivia Show, go fact yourself.

For over 150 episodes, we've welcomed guests like DJ Jazzy Jeff, Audie Cornish, and Andy Richter to tell us why they love what they love and then get quizzed on it. And past quizzes have included some pretty unexpected topics like reverse painting, the perfect flip turn while swimming, Prince's house party playlist from that one episode of New Girl, and so much more! Plus, our guests meet surprise experts in their topics. Like the time we met an actual celebrity cow. So listen to Go Fact Yourself twice a month every month on Maximum Fun. Do it for the cow! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Hey, do you have a favorite episode of Star Trek?

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MaximumFun.org, YouTube or your podcast catching app. Overheard. Overheard is where you hear it. We want to hear it. It's only right. And we always like to start with the guest. Miles, do you have an overheard? I have an overheard. So I'm just going to say what I heard and then, and then, and then I will give you the context afterwards. I was at the grocery store and about five feet behind me, I hear someone say, see, look, you can actually see the fluid.

Okay. I know what, I'm picturing something. Yeah, me too. I turned around and saw a man bending down, showing a staff member of Save On Foods, his knee cap. Fluid. Jesus. Jesus.

And I hope they knew each other. This is a part of the training day. You gotta check out my growth knee. That's what, not exactly what I was picturing, but I was picturing like fluid trapped within skin. Yeah. Oh, I thought it was just going to be like, I was picturing like windshield wiper fluid or something like that.

Yeah. So optimistic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see the fluid. Oh. So was the guy's pants rolled up? Yes. His pants rolled up.

He's rocking his leg back and forth. What if his pants were rolled up and you could see the fluid through his pants? And it was strange, cause you know what? I was a little bit horrified and I also kind of wanted to see the fluid. Well, you're already grossed out.

You might as well get, you know, full satisfaction. You could. You could. You guys. You could. You could see it. Oh, fuck it. Now I want to see it too. Just see the substance. I got to see. You're going to get plenty of that. Yeah, it's a I like Son because they've got a bulk section. That's my, that's my attraction to that particular. So that's where I ran into you last time.

Yeah, your jujubes. Your jujubes. Love jujubes. Wow. You have to be very careful in that section though, it's so nutty. Oh, it's so nutty. But I feel like the jubes and the, you know,

your skittles and whatnot, I can't eat skittles anymore. I cracked my tooth on a skittle. Well, so. Yeah, well. You have a new tooth though. Yeah, I know. You can't eat Skittles anymore. I cracked my tooth on a Skittle. So? Yeah, well. You had a new tooth though. You had a new tooth out of it. If I crack that again on Skittles, oh boy. You got a grant for a new tooth.

Oh, I wish there were grants for new teeth. Oh man. The Skittles aren't even hard. Exactly. It's too embarrassing. Were they in the bulk section, Skittles? They got Skittles in the bulk section. They got, for a while, I don't know they have them anymore.

They had Runts. Remember Runts? Yeah. You, Runts? Were Runts shaped like different fruit? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and they had it. You know what I'm talking about?

No, no, no. It was like a hard, really sugary you bit into and it was just like sugar. The way that nerds are like completely shapeless, these are made out of the same material but shaped into apples and strawberries. And their banana was well known as being a particularly good banana flavor.

Rons. Yeah, Rons. Is it like a German candy? It's not with a Z. Rons. Rons. H-R-U-N-T-Z. Children, finish your Runtz.

It is October. Time for Runtz. Abbey got these, I think they were from Trader Joe's, these sort of like peanut butter candies, but they're... Are you familiar with the candy chicken bones? That are like a hard, they're licorice flavored, yellow, hard ribbon candy. Okay. Not yellow, pink.

And... Not yellow like a fluid in somebody's knee. I wonder what color the fluid was. Yeah, you couldn't see the color. You could see the pooling. Yeah, cause it't see the color. You could see the pooling. Yeah, because it was under the skin. It literally looked like Dave should have gone in there and kind of cleared the drain. He got a stick.

But then Abby got this bag of peanut butter hard candy and she put it in a bowl and all just like stuck to each other Yeah, the whole bowl like it stuck to each other and the bowl. Yeah hard candy That's the like that really is a specific era of having a bowl of candy Just on a table in your house very much that like oh the grandkids are coming over put out a lot of very great depression Back when Candy had the last two days. That's right, where you got one minute. There you go. You could lick, treat yourself with a lick.

It's four o'clock. Have a lick of the lollipop. I just remember the movie, The Iron Lady with Meryl Streep. At one point, she says, she's talking to her husband, they're having a real tense moment, and she goes, sweetie, and hands him a hard candy.

Now, her husband in that is Iron Man, right? Yeah. It was the beginning of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Iron Man and Marge. She comes back in the last one. She's who defeats Thanos. Yeah. She's in a post-credits scene. Sweetie. Yeah.

Just attacking Welsh miners. Finish them off once and for all. Is it my turn yet? It is. I haven't overheard. My mind's not overseen and I was walking down the street and some people had a, it's at the time of this recording, Halloween has not yet happened. Okay.

And there's a lot of decorations out, a lot of, you know, skeletons. Spooky, spooky skeletons. Giant skeletons, little lot of, you know, skeletons, giant skeletons, little bits of skeletons crawling out from people's lawns. People using the leaves that have fallen as like a grave site. Yeah, like a body. Oh, yeah, sure. Making a body. And then like there's an arm coming out of it.

And then I saw this one that was someone put a bunch of gravestones on their front lawn with pun names. Nice. And this one, this person was, this name is R-E-A like Ria, but I think it's, and the middle name is Lee. So really old. Nice. Who lived from 1848 to 1965 so they were really really old yeah This one is one like the the Spanish name one one hairy, dude And this other one The name be like short for Beatrice.

Yeah. Bee Yacht. Is that W-A-T-C-H? Y-A-T-C-H. They hit Y-A-T-C-H. Bee Yacht. May she rest in peace. It says you're one really nice lady.

So. Oh, yeah. And does it say when she died? No, no, no you're on this one Just that she's dead. She's dead and she was nice, but she was kind of a be a be a are you a halloween guy miles? uh I'm a more of an autumn guy. I like the season but in terms of i'll watch a couple scary movies I'll read a scary book. Sure. I'm reading some H.G. Wells short stories right now. Okay. Which are quite frightening.

Yeah. Do you read them and go, Oh, yeah. Justine Hason. She's like, don't keep getting spooked. Do you really get spooked as you read? I've never really read a scary book. Dracula was actually scary.

I actually found it quite disturbing. Really? But like on the page, is it like, And he's right behind you. Like, what scares you? There's no jump scare, it's all psychological, right? So you just imagine like- And you've been to that neuroscientist. I've been to that neuroscientist.

So it's like, and I've always been afraid of wolves, because when I was a kid in the woods, I could hear them howling at nighttime. Jesus. And so Dracula has the power to control wolves. He does? And the way that they're just like- I'm just learning about this now.

So does Dragon Boy Swade. And White Fang. But yeah, it's a, so I always thought I was frightening. I just think that's like the prime, like that fear of predators. Sure. I have. Yeah. It's just like- On me. So I can get scared. I'm actually, I have a fear of predators. I have. It's just like, so I can get scared.

I'm actually, I have a fear of prey. Yeah? Yeah. Ah. Guinea pigs. You've seen the kids in the hall sketch where it's the horror writer and his first book is you open it up,

it just says boo. And everyone's like, oh. And then he's trying to write a sequel and he's like having such a hard time following it up. And then he finally writes the book and his editor opens sequel and he's like having such a hard time following it up And then he finally writes the book and uh his editor opens it And it just says there's a spider on your shoulder That was the sequel I always find it strange if I read a funny book that i'm like

Laughing so hard and like why what's making me do this? It's your own brain. Yeah. My overhead comes courtesy of I was having complimentary breakfast at the hotel restaurant and I was the only one in there eating some steel cut oats and this group of- Do you ever eat them and you're like, these were cut by iron.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This might be cut by plastic for all I know. A group of business people were coming in for the lunch shift. So it was three men and a little lady. Was it really? Yeah, it was three men and a woman. Wow, that's great. Do you think they ever noticed? Three men and a woman. Wow, that's great.

Do you think they ever noticed? Yeah. And she, I feel like she was very much running the show. She was very running the show and kind of telling them. Kind of like in the movie. Yeah, a little bit, yeah. She was kind of saying, well, you know, the lunch, it's just switching over to the lunch menu

and they've got this and that. So she obviously like previewed what was going on and she was running through the different things you could get on the menu. And then you could tell that she didn't think very much of these men because she said, and they have a chicken Caesar salad, which is a salad with chicken.

And I didn't know, I didn't hear if the guys were like, oh, now what is a chicken Caesar salad wrap? Okay, okay, so you remember how I said that the chicken Caesar salad is like a chicken with a, well it's a salad with chicken. Now imagine wrapping that up. Yeah, and I get this. There is spaghetti sauce on it. Oh boy, I like a good chicken salad.

Yeah, the whole time that I ate meat, I would love it. I would love a chicken Caesar. Oh, I would love it. And then I always felt sick after because they got anchovies with Caesar salad. So I was like, why do I always feel ill after eating chicken Caesar salad? Well, turns out guys, I can't have a regular Caesar salad.

That's just the life I chose. You're not so allergic to fish that a little bit of anchovy will kill you. Yeah, I think that's about right. I wonder if there's a ranking on what fish I'm more allergic to. Are there peanuts, all nuts, anaphylaxis, right? Yes.

Fish, anaphylaxis? That's a good question. I haven't had it in so long. I should probably go- If the fish ate nuts. What's that? If the fish ate nuts. Yeah, if the fish was chewing on a pistachio. I can't have any fish that was caught with a lure that was some sort of gut.

Now we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map. Anything else, anaphylaxis? I think those are the, I think, like, nuts is the big one. That's the headline, nuts, anaphylaxis. Do you ever, what do you like, do you like pumpkin seeds? Love them. Yeah.

Love pumpkin seeds. As close as you're gonna get to a nut. You know what I don't, I haven't really got into, but I'm willing to try sunflower seeds. But they seem like a lot of work for very little seed. Like it seems like you can get them. You can get them free free. Also, where's sunflower seeds come from? Like sunflower seeds come from where the seeds on the middle, the thing in the middle, those are all seeds. I think so. I don't know how it works. I think you some of them. Some I mean,

not every sunflower will give you a giant big seeds, but I think they come I don't know how it works. I think you some of them some I mean not every sunflower will give you a giant big seeds But I think they come from the big circle with a big circle because those yeah, some flowers are monstrous They're big and they're big. They're pretty really pretty they kind of slump over this time. You're become spooky. Mm-hmm. Yeah That's the whole thing about Halloween. What was once fresh and new, now spooky and scary. Yeah, now all kind of craggy and bent over. Can't believe that Dracula can control wolves. This is like brand new information to me. It's very frightening.

All wolves? The ones that he looks at. Okay, just the ones he looks at. I think in his vicinity, generally Eastern Europe wolves. Oh, okay. I don't like those guys anyway. Yeah, I mean. Now we also have overheard sent in to us

by people all over the map. If you want to send one in, send it in to SPY at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Andrew N in New York City. Walking by the exit of FEO Schwartz, the big toy store, woman walking out with a child holding a new stuffed lion, mom, when the air in New York smells yucky You can just smell your Simba

To get an alternative yeah, ah I so now it's fall I've switched to natural deodorant. Mm-hmm It's working great. Yeah, I like when it works when I even feel a little sweaty I feel like I smell it more and it's nice. Yeah. And then when it works, when I even feel a little sweaty, I feel like I smell it more and it's nice. Yeah. Oh, you're using a Tom's Amain? No, it's a native. Native, yes.

What about you? What's your deodorant scene? Uh, I just, the old spice, I just smell like a grandpa that knows what he's doing. Old spice. That shows what he's doing. Yeah, grandpa knows what he's doing. Yeah.

Yeah. This next one, this is great because whenever you live in a city, there's like city characters that you know. In Vancouver, an example would be Roller Girl. Sure. A roller skating woman who directs traffic. Direct traffic, yeah.

So every town's got them. What's your favorite? Do you have a favorite in city? Like everyone knows this person. In city personality? Yeah, an in city personality. Well, yeah, I mean, Roller Girl definitely haunts the corner that I live at.

Yeah, that's true. Maybe not a fave. Not a fave. Yeah, she doesn't help. Let's just say that. Let's just say that, yeah. Yeah, very doesn't help. Let's just say that. Let's just say that, yeah. Yeah, very fast though. Very fast, absolutely.

You can see her slamming down the street. I don't know, I could see myself becoming the local eccentric. Yeah? Yeah, just telling people I host this night show. Yeah. Oh, here comes tonight. Here comes Johnny Carson.

But there's this one and it's very specific, but as soon as the person was writing in, I was like, I do know who they're talking about. Is it a Vancouver one? It's a Vancouver one. It's localized within a Canadian tire. It can be an eighth. There is a massive security man with sunglasses

standing by the stairs. Have you encountered this gentleman? I don't know. He, do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, I know him. He looks like a nightclub bouncer. Like he's giant, giant man. Sometimes sitting on a chair backwards,

sunglasses, always wearing sunglasses. Incredibly intimidating. And he's checking your receipt as you walk out. So, and you would like, you've become very much like soup Nazi like here's my receipt like I want to do well I'm more of an upstairs Canadian tire. Oh sure the garden center park up there. Yeah This guy works on the he's on the main floor. Yeah There's a massive security man with sunglasses standing by the stairs that doesn't he doesn't say anything ever Have you ever had him never says anything ever says anything no he demands to see a receipt

for Canadian tire purchases it's not his lazy it's not his thing yeah I would just get out of it if they would hire someone who didn't demand to see my receipt it would be a lot easier before letting you down the stairs and out the door a couple in front of me stops and presents receipt and an armful of assorted Canadian tire junk. I don't know what, it's useful to them. It's not junk. To the giant, she calls him the giant.

This giant has worked here for years and communicates by holding out and withdrawing his arm. Yeah, kind of like those things in a parking lot. He does kind of, yeah, he is the gate. Is there an overheard coming? Cause you're just reacting to every sentence. Man, I'm telling you this. But in this case looks at the guy and just goes cool

and unblocks the stairs. I'm next, I showed the giant can of spray paint and received I'm the following out the door walking towards the Canobie crosswalk. The guy says to his partner, did you see that? The behemoth said, cool. I think maybe he's getting to know me. This is maybe when really things turn around for me personally.

The behemoth. He knows me. Yeah. It's a... The Leviathan of Canadian Tire. I think the security guard at Sharper's Drug Mart knows me. Yeah, which the one, the- The guy at the front door.

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of the, I don't know if that's a North American wide thing, but a lot of pharmacies and grocery stores now have like regular, cause that didn't used to be, there was no security before it. Yeah's so cool they have it now yeah yeah it's a lot of fun so much stuff behind plastic yeah unlock now it's awesome

the yeah that Canadian tire though I do often hear like announcements asking for security to a certain section fuck if that guy was the security. Oh, man. I mean, he's doing a good job. Like, nobody's walking past that guy with, he and man, oh, I would love to see him catch a shoplifter, oh my God. I'm going to Canadian Tire this weekend

if anyone wants to come. I do, I wanna come, I wanna see. You know what I'm gonna get? Some, a stick? Sleeping bag. Oh, sleeping bag. Are you going, you planning a trip? Or is this just for-

It's private. All right. Guy who wants to brag about buying a sleeping bag. But I first know what they're, you know what I checked out Madden Equipment Co-op, not a co-op anymore, not an equipment company. And all their sleeping bags were You know what I checked out Madden Equipment Co-op, not a co-op anymore, Madden Equipment Company and all their sleeping bags were $300. Yeah. But therefore like hanging off a cliff or whatever. Are you using it outside?

I hang off a cliff or the big red dog. Oh, shit. So scary. This last one comes from Carly L. This is just a wholesome one. An overheard. I will always remember it comes from grade school. Two first graders were talking about how they were excited for recess to end, so that they could learn more. And one of the others said, time flies when you're having fun, so let's have fun. Cute. Yeah, we're all really anxious to go back to school and learn.

That's the highlight of recess. Yay, recess is over! Well, the teacher left us with such a cliffhanger. She said two plus two and then question mark. Yeah, kids. Adorable. Well, in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls. If you wanna call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, SpyPod one, like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and probable guests.

I'm calling in with an overheard of the fifth graders, they're the cruelest things variety. Yep. So some kids were trying to roast each other and one of them is not very good at it. So he was trying to be all clever and was getting teased a lot. And he finally went, guys, you gotta stop roasting me. And a girl replied, God, buddy, there's nothing left to roast. And yeah, everybody lost it.

He had a hard day. You've been so thoroughly roasted. There's nothing left. Yeah. We ate and left no crumbs. Have you been in a roast battle? Oh, never. No, me neither.

I feel like somebody would say something is a joke and it would get stuck in my head forever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am sort of Womble-shaped. Yeah. Oh my God. I was talking about it last week

that I got an Edinburgh review that called me Womble-shaped. Womble. And I looked it up, not a compliment. They're like mole people. Yeah. Something in Wallace and Gromit. Yeah, yeah, it was something in that general area. But something that ever, you know, somebody would read a review over there and be like,

BAH! He's in the Wombo. He's a Wombo. He's sort of in the Wallace and Gromit universe. He's wearing the wrong trousers. More of a Sean the Sheep type. the walls of grow at universities wearing the wrong trousers. More of a Sean the sheep type. Go see this Wumble character.

Next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and possible ghost. This is Wade from Seattle. I was at the old spaghetti factory and got to sit in the trolley and cable next to us, there was in maybe a first or second date. And the woman said to the man, are women's nipples and buttholes the same color? Yep. That's what some guy told me. All right, off I go.

That's what some guy told me. Okay. So this was either a first or second date at the old spaghetti factory. Love it. I love it, absolutely. And they're having this conversation about our women's nipples and buttholes. Same color. I think, I mean, if it's true of women, it's probably true of everyone.

Sure, absolutely. And some guy told you this. Are you sure it wasn't your ex saying it about your body? Yeah, because that's what they say and guess what? Checks out over here. Get yourself a hand mirror and a full length mirror. Yeah, I mean, as far as I know, it's true. Every matching set, do the doorknobs match the dungeon door?

Yeah. Do the whatever radio knobs match the antenna? What is, when were you last at the old spaghetti factory? Oh, not that long ago at all. My, I got nachos there. That's spaghetti sauce. But you know what? That was my bad. No, I was there for my nephew's birthday. Not that spaghetti sauce. But you know what? That was my bad. No, I was there for my nephew's birthday not that long ago.

It is like, if you've got a... Can you sit in a trolley? We didn't get the trolley. But there is a trolley. There's a trolley you can play in there. I don't know. I don't know, but there's a big trolley. Have you ever been?

Never been in there. It's, if you ever are having an occasion where it's like some kid's birthday and they're like four to eight little spaghetti. So if you need an industrial amount of spaghetti. Exactly. It took the words right out of my mouth. Yeah, they order it out of the Uline catalog. See that huge Yang Ming shipping container?

That's the spaghetti. Uline catalog to that huge yang-ming shipping container By the port of Vancouver I've been in decades, but I would love to go. You know what it's as you remember it delicious I gotta convince my family to let me go. I can't get my kids to see this movie the wild robot. Oh Yeah, there was a trailer for it that looked artsy and they're like, this is boring. No, I mean art see is boring Yeah, you know, but what? Your kids not want to go to old spaghetti factory feel like your kids like spaghetti, you know It's they don't know two of them don't like the same food at the same time I see. Okay

Here's your final phone call Hey Dave Graham and probable ghost this is Chris in Charlotte, North Carolina I have an overseen I Am just coming out of the gym and there was a guy in there walking on the treadmill and he had Like on the front part of the treadmill read put your phone or tablet or something. He had a whole laptop on that And was just watching a NASCAR race just full screen on his laptop. Nice, but that was great No friggin way. Yeah, that is great. Yeah. Yeah Well, the cool thing about a treadmill is you can retain your one of the cards No friggin' way. Yeah, that is great. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the cool thing about the treadmill is you can retain your one of the cards. Yeah, he keeps making noise all the time. Or he's got like baseball cards on his thighs to make like a, a rambling noise. You guys ever see that show where Shaquille O'Neal would try different sports and see if he could do it?

No. No. You didn't see that? And it was, he tried NASCAR on it. This sounds like the best show possible. It's so good. He tried to like out swim. No, really? Yeah, yeah.

Seeing Shaq swim would be. He tried NASCAR once and he couldn't do it. He was just, for one, very uncomfortable in the car. Very uncomfortable, he's a big man. But also he was sweating, like he did like four laps and was like, take me out of the car. I'm gonna die. Yeah. I guess it's really hot in there.

It's really hot in there. I know recently- Well, it's in the south usually. Yeah, that's true. And they don't even hold them in the winter. It's always hot in the summer. You can be in the stands. You gotta wear those suits. There was a recently, there was a winner who he had to pee and he went and still won the race.

So, yeah. But I'm surprised they don't, that doesn't happen all the time. Like there's no pit stop at the pit stop. Or do they not just wear diapers? Yeah. Cause you're gonna have to pee. Yeah.

If it's like an hour's long race. Yeah. Maybe they just sweat it out. Like, do you pee if you sweat a lot? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I heard about it. There's a guy who told me

that something about butt holes and nipples. He might know. I mean, I do sweat a lot, but I don't know. I also pee a lot too. Yeah. I guess I'm just blessed. You're just wet. You're full of fluid.

Yeah. Yeah. Check out my knee. Well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Yeah, yeah My knee Well that brings us to the end of this episode have we ever in the past asked our listeners to send in Any stories about local characters? Yeah, we used to do Boy, can I find the theme song for it? Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, but if you have one send it in I'm interested to know some of these, who's in your town? Cause it's, everybody's got them. Can you think of another one?

Do you think of one from Victoria? Oh, definitely, yeah. There was a guy who worked at Silver City Cinema Complex in Langford and he was like the general manager and he was like six foot nine. Oh, wow. And hated teens. And he would patrol that place like a dementor.

And we were all terrified of him. And he could move so fast because his legs were so long. Wow. He's like the Bamba dude. Oh, my God. Very wample-shaped. Here is the, the segment was called Neighborhood Nicknames. Neighborhood Nicknames. Neighborhood Nicknames. Wow.

["NEIGHBORHOOD NICNAMES"] Who's that guy carrying the flag? Yeah. Every day. What do you call him? Flag Pete, flag Frank. You don't know his name. So you made up a name.

Yeah. That was good. Well done on that day. That's a good production. Hey, well, you're great singing. It was mostly like, did the person also have a nickname? Yeah, they have a nickname. But you know what?

You got it. I'm interested to hear anybody out there. Maybe that could be a bonus. I think in my old neighborhood where we started that, where we started show there's a guy boy is to this a lot of the show maybe hasn't aged well because I think a lot of the nicknames were for people in the sex trade. Yeah problematic at the very least but there's a guy like there are I there's a guy hadn't seen for years and years and he's a guy That's always he's always got headphones on yeah, and you know the boots and boots Yeah, and I saw him and he's like aged really well like he looks really

Yeah, that's why we got the headphones. That's why we call him Pino Grigio That's why we call him Pino We call him Pinot Grigio. That's why we call him Pinot. Well that brings us to the end of this episode. Miles, thank you so much for being our guest. Thanks for having me. You can find your special on YouTube. Yes.

Where else can people tell us about your YouTube channel? The Bachelors of Music. Check it out. I have an alternate career as a professional joke explainer where I go through Santa specials that a lot of people don't think are good And I explained why they're very funny. Why they're very good. Yes Any who who's been a recent target for your explanations? I just did Tucker Carlson Yeah, he tried doing jokes in Canada a couple years ago and

Didn't think he was very funny and And I explained why he's hilarious. Well, that sounds great. That's so good. I think I've watched one, but by, I think like a real comedian. Oh, Brendan Schaub. Is he the MMA guy? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and Crystal Lea. Crystal Lea was, I think that was the one. Yeah. Crystal Leia, yeah. Yeah, he's still out there. Still out there crushing it. Crushing it. Yeah, absolutely. And thank you everybody out there. Yeah, if you have a neighborhood character, let us know.

You know, maybe we're sniffing that down as a bonus episode. Maybe that's something. Oh yeah, we're always sniffing. We're always sniffing something! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And thank you for listening and enjoy Halloween. I guess this is where you haven't enjoyed or remembered today. Come back soon for another episode of Stop By Guys Are Yourself. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.